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Critic.Co.Nz Issue 16 | July 22, 2013 | critic.co.nz ANU is ranked as one of the world’s top universities and it’s right on New Zealand’s doorstep. ANU students have access to world class educators, with small class sizes and a supportive campus community. This opportunity is open to you. ANU in Dunedin – Tuesday 6 August Dunedin Public Art Gallery, 30 The Octagon Ask us about our unique study options: > Advisory Session & Presentations 3–6pm > Admissions ‘How to Apply’ 4pm START YOUR JOURNEY > Summer Research Scholarships 4.30pm > Public Lecture ‘Education Technologies: INTO THE WORLD Navigating the Edge of the World’, Professor Marnie Hughes-Warrington, Info & registration students.anu.edu.au/nz Deputy Vice-Chancellor (Academic), ANU 5pm CRICOS #00120C | 220313NZ Critic | Issue 16 | 3 EDITOR Sam McChesney DePUTY EDITOR Zane Pocock SUB EDITOR Sarah MacIndoe 24 TeCHNICAL EDITOR FEATURE Sam Clark 24 | The Cosmo Cock-Tales DesIGNER Bombarded with messages from “sexperts” about their inadequate sexual expressions, Josie Daniel Blackball Adams and Tristan Fernando gave in to Cosmopolitan magazine’s tips for spicing up their sex life. Armed with questionable advice, the two Cosmonauts embarked on a weekend of terrifying AD DESIGNER sexcapades. Here, in gratuitous detail, they describe the ensuing misadventures and explain the Nick Guthrie unlikely benefits of terrible advice. COVER PHOTO Alex Lovell-Smith FEATURES (AlexLovell-Smith.com), Atrayl Elliott-Roderique, 20 | Sniffles and Sex: The Dark Paul Cathro, Lucy Gaudin, Truth about Student Wellbeing Sam Cossey Baz MacDonald sets out to find amusing tales of stu- dent hypochondria, and finds himself confronted by NEWS TeAM the appalling state of students’ health and lifestyle. Jack Montgomerie, Claudia Herron, Bella Macdonald, Josie Cochrane, Jamie Breen, Thomas Raethel 29 | From Banter to Intimidation: Drawing the Line SECTION EDITORS MP Clare Curran shares her thoughts on the Slutwalk Charlotte Doyle, Lucy Hunter, movement, and the worrying prevalence of physical Tristan Keillor, Basti Menkes, 06 and sexual abuse against New Zealand women. NEWS Baz Macdonald, Kirsty Dunn, Rosie Howells, Raquel Moss 06 | Hernandez 30 | Mona Larry? The Vexed CONTRIBUTORS Considering Council Bid Question of Intersex and Identity Guy McCallum, Jess Cole, OUSA President Francisco Hernandez has After a disorienting experience in Thailand, Sam Jacobin, Josie Adams, Clare Curran, dropped several strong hints that he is O’Sullivan reflects on the social and medical chal- Sam O’Sullivan, Campbell Ecklein, lining up a run for the Dunedin City Council lenges that intersex people face in New Zealand. Dr. Nick, Bryony Leeke, M and G, (DCC) in November’s local body elections, Phoebe Harrop, AJ Anderson, although he is yet to confirm his candidacy. Loulou Callister-Baker NEWS 09 | Top Lecturer’s Criticism reGULAR STUFF Sparks Controversy AD SALES PLANET MEDIA DUNEDIN LIMITED Letters | 06-07 Features | 20-31 Tama Walker, Tim Couch, 10 | Return of the MOTHRA News | 08-19 Culture | 32-45 Gus Gawn, Josh Hannigan planetmedia.co.nz Critic is a member of the Aotearoa Student Press Association 12 | Illuminate Pain Party (ASPA). Disclaimer: the views presented within this publication [email protected] do not necessarily represent the views of the Editor, Planet Media, or OUSA. Press Council: people with a complaint against a newspaper should first complain in writing to the Editor and 16 | The 2012 Audit: How OUSA P.O. Box 1436, Dunedin | (03) 479 then, if not satisfied with the response, complain to the Press Spent Your Money 5335 [email protected] | critic.co.nz Council. Complaints should be addressed to the Secretary, PO Box 10-879 The Terrace, Wellington. 4 | Issue 16 | Critic EDITORIAL eligion in general, and Catholicism in the Herald on Sunday. Lee, a Catholic (duh), also were surprised to find that the app had been particular, has rarely had anything useful refuses to prescribe condoms, considers that a blocked by the University servers as pornogra- R to say on the subject of vaginas. Now, I’m woman has only done her “reproductive duty” phy, having been flagged by the Uni’s web filter no expert on the topic. For the most part, I know after squeezing out four little shamelings, and FortiGuard. what to do with one (heyyy), but I’d still classify (seemingly apropos of nothing) reflected that myself more as an “amateur enthusiast” than teen pregnancy was far preferable to same-sex HappyPlayTime, whatever its faults, is not por- as a full-blown pro. But new lows are reached marriage – as though, upon turning 20 with no nography. It’s an instructive (albeit vaguely whenever a (male, ageing) Catholic puts in his reproductive success, a person is liable to start unsettling and aggressively pink) app designed two cents’ worth on the subject. batting for the other team. to promote sex positivity among young women. Critic contacted the University to question its There has been little equivalent compunction Instead of prescribing the pill and allowing his decision to block the site, and the University as far as penises go. Although Eve was “tempted” patient to make her own vaginal decisions, Lee agreed that the app was not pornography. by the “evil snake,” by and large Catholics love lectured her on the “importance of life” and However, it was still “other adult materials,” and cock. Admittedly this is a largely unspoken recommended the rhythm method. The rhythm would remain blocked. (though often consummated) love; but if you’re method (which, as a method of contraception, at all skeptical, just observe the shape of the presumably qualifies as “interfering with the This is bullshit for a variety of reasons. Firstly, Pope’s hat. Vaginas, meanwhile, represent a process of producing life”) involves having sex the app doesn’t even fall within the definition mysterious pink void of terror. Taming these only at certain times of the month. Even if exe- of “other adult materials” the Uni provided, since unholy canyons of sin requires only the most cuted perfectly, it has a success rate of around the definition excludes sex education (which Catholic of means: switching off the lights, laying 91 per cent, compared with 98 per cent for con- HappyPlayTime certianly is) except where the down rigid and arbitrary rules, and trying not doms and 99.8 per cent for the pill. sex education is designed to arouse (and only to think too hard about it. the most deranged pervert would find While it’s obviously concerning that a New HappyPlayTime’s weird vagina-baby mascot a It’s doubtful that there was ever a context in Zealand doctor thinks it’s okay to use his position turn-on). Secondly, it’s questionable whether which these attitudes deserved to inform medical of power to push his beliefs onto potentially the material was even “adult,” aimed as it was advice, or indeed any mainstream discourse on vulnerable patients, the swift denunciation that toward younger women; and (thirdly) it’s totally sex. Vaginas are great, and should be celebrated followed in the media was heartening. More misguided to use such a broad definition of accordingly; and it’s alarming when this kind of concerning to me was another recent event, “adult” to censor material at, of all places, a backwardness rears its head in 21st-century which you will not have heard about. university. Are university students not yet New Zealand. “adult” enough to be introduced to masturba- This week, our technology editor Raquel writes tion? Are you freaking kidding me? Two recent events have made me question just about “HappyPlayTime,” an app that teaches how far we still have to go. The first, which you female masturbation technique (page 44). As I expected this shit from small-town Cathloic may have heard about, was a Blenheim doctor’s Raquel points out, the app has several flaws, doctors, not from a place of learning. Mastubare refusal to prescribe the birth control pill to a including an infantilising design aesthetic and aude, everybody: dare to wank. young woman. “I don’t want to interfere with a downright creepy mascot. Even so, when we the process of producing life,” Dr. Joseph Lee told put together the technology page this week, we - Sam McChesney Critic | Issue 16 | 5 LETTERS [email protected] Unless we have a large-scale conversation sake, you all look like twats out there in the about drawing boundaries around the environ- drizzle on a cold Dunedin Thursday juggling each ments (ie systems of Education) into which new others nuts *(sorry ladies) until you feel that you media insinuate themselves, bricks and mortar have upheld your right to freedom of expression Universities are doomed. In the US, Harvard is enough for one day. Jesus, run for president of already afraid of external ‘learning certification’ the student body, talk to your local MP, or just offered by the University of Phoenix. Harvard actually produce something meaningful with LETTER of thE WEEK afraid of a for profit upstart with a dubious ac- your day rather than sucking further resources ademic reputation? You bet! from my bank account/soul and claiming you The alarm is sounded. Will we answer its call? are ‘making a difference’ - what? through drug The letter of the week wins a $25 book induced apathy? Sure, nice work team, have a voucher from the University Book Shop. David Paterno big green leaf as a reward. PhD Student Media, Film and Communication Studies Yours sincerely, Muddled #420 The Blue Stallion. Dear Sir, Mean Green Bean Seen Fleem I was shocked to read that the Burns Dear Critic Overconcerned concernment building will be demolished and a shiny you should be more critical of yourselves Dear Critic, new humanities facility built in its place.
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