The Effects of Cohabitation Among Young Women in Kadinamkulam Gram Panchayat

THE EFFECTS OF COHABITATION AMONG YOUNG WOMEN IN KADINAMKULAM GRAM PANCHAYAT. A dissertation submitted to the University of Kerala in partial fulfilment of the requirements for the degree of

MASTER OF SOCIAL WORK

2018-2020

Submitted by

MEENU MARIYAM LAL

Exam Code: 91518401

Candidate Code: 91518115015

Subject Code: SW 2.4.5

LOYOLA COLLEGE OF SOCIAL SCIENCES

SREEKARIYAM, THIRUVANANTHAPURAM- 695017, KERALA

UNIVERSITY OF KERALA

CERTIFICATE OF APPROVAL

This is to certify that the work embodied in the dissertation entitled “The Effects of Cohabitation among Young Women in Kadinamkulam Gram panchayat.” has been carried out by Meenu Mariyam Lal, fourth semester student in Masters of Social Work under my supervision and guidance that is hereby approved for submission. Date: 23/09/2019 Thiruvananthapuram Fr. Sabu S J Research Guide Department of Social Work Loyola College of Social Sciences Sreekariyam, Thiruvananthapuram

Recommended for forwarding to the University of Kerala,

Dr. Sonny Jose Head of the Department of Social Work Loyola College of Social Sciences Sreekariyam, Thiruvananthapuram

Recommended for forwarding to the University of Kerala,

Dr. Saji P Jacob Principal Loyola College of Social Sciences Sreekariyam, Thiruvananthapuram

DECLARATION

I, Meenu Mariyam Lal, do hereby declare that the dissertation titled “The Effects of Cohabitation among Young Women in Kadinamkulam Gram Panchayat” is a work done by me for the award of the degree of Master of Social Work of the University of Kerala during the year 2018-2020. To the best of my knowledge and belief, the dissertation contains no material previously published or written by another person except where due reference is made in the dissertation itself.

Sreekariyam, Thiruvananthapuram Meenu Mariyam Lal

Date: 15-5-20

ACKNOWLEDGEMENT

Fore mostly I extend profound thanks to Almighty God who has blessed me the opportunities and intellectual ability to complete my research successfully. I was lucky to have Fr. Sabu S J, faculty of the Social Work Department, Loyola College of Social Sciences as my guide. He was the leading spirit in my endeavour; he had motivated me at times of confusion, stood for me, and with me. At this juncture I extend my heartfelt respect and gratitude for all the pain that he had taken for the completion of my study. I extend my heartfelt gratitude to Dr. Saji. P. Jacob, Principal Loyola College of Social Sciences and Dr. Sonny Jose, Head of the Social Work Department, Fr. Saji S.J, Dr. Francina P.X, Dr. Jasmine Sarah Alexander and Ms. Vandana Suresh faculty members of Department of Social Work for their help on various occasions during the course of this work. I express my sincere thanks to Dr. Sunil Kumar, Librarian and Mr. George Mathew assistant librarian, Loyola College of Social Sciences for providing necessary reference materials, and their kind support for the successful completion of my work so far. I acknowledge and appreciate the respondents the women community of Kadinamkulam coastal area and the workers and helpers of the respective ICDS centres in Thiruvananthapuram for spending their valuable time to share their experiences with me which in turn helped me to complete this study successfully. Special thanks to my friends, seniors and juniors who supported me unconditionally which made me to present this study before you.

Meenu Mariyam Lal

CONTENTS

SL. CONTENT PAGE NUMBER NO

1. INTRODUCTION 8

2. REVIEW OF LITERATURE 15

3. METHODOLOGY 22

4. CASE PRESENTATION 27

5. CASE ANALYSIS AND DISCUSSION 46

6. FINDINGS, SUGGESTION AND 57 CONCLUSION

7. BIBLIOGRAPHY AND APPENDIX 68

LIST OF TABLES

Sl. No Title of Table Page Number

1 Personal Profile of the Women Undergoing 48 Cohabitation

2 Data Analysis with Themes and Sub themes 52

ABSTRACT

The study deals with the challenges and effects of Cohabitation among the young women community of coastal regions in Kadinamkulam Panchayat of Trivandrum district. From observations and studies, the researcher is sure about the kind of live-in-relations persisting in coastal areas of Kerala. As the researcher done her concurrent fieldwork in the Kadinamkulam region, she took different cases from various family backgrounds for case study. The factors which led the women to Cohabitation, the challenges they faced and the psychological wellbeing was aimed through the study. Also, the ‘changing concept of marriages’ among the backward castes of society emerges through the study. The study also depicts the value of relationships in the current society and the children who turn out to be ‘single-parented’.

The present study was conducted with the aim of understanding the psychological and social challenges of women who were into cohabitation for more than three months. This study mainly focuses on the coastal area of Perumathura in Trivandrum district. The study is descriptive in nature.

The researcher used case study research design and collected data from cohabiting women. Researcher analysed the data based on different themes and has also provide the suggestions for improving their cohabiting life. The findings suggest that the women experiences problems in different dimensions mainly psychological, physical and social. The most common reason for the problems reported was illicit affairs of partner, substance abuse or lack of acceptance from the partner’s family.

Key words: Cohabitation, Factors, Effects and Challenges, Psychological impact and Social Relation.

CHAPTER 1 INTRODUCTION

1. Introduction

Contents

1.1 Cohabitation

1.2 Young Adults

1.3 Kadinamkulam Gram panchayat

1.4 Background of the study

1.5 Significance of the study

1.6 Statement of the Problem

1.7 Research questions

1.8 Conceptualisation

1. INTRODUCTION 1.1 Cohabitation Cohabitation is a living arrangement in which an unmarried couple lives together in a long-term relationship that resembles a marriage. It is more like the state of living together and having a sexual relationship without the ties of marriage. The premarital cohabitation effect is the finding that those who live together prior to marriage are more likely, not less, to struggle in marriage. Cohabitation without commitment may be setting the ground for an unstable marriage. According to Carsey Institute, the number of couples cohabiting has increased nationwide more than any other family form since 1995, and the number of children in cohabiting households has grown the most in rural areas. Contrary to the typical flow of social trends, which usually move from urban to rural areas, the trend toward cohabitation is more advanced in rural areas than in urban areas. It is believed that high rate of rural cohabitation lies in the greater economic pressure that rural single parents feel (CARSEY Institute,2009). According to Cherlin Andrew in his journal; The deinstitutionalization of marriage is due to the weakening of the social and legal norms that regulate peoples’ attitude towards marriages. (Journal of Marriage and Family,2004). Recent estimates show that other major social changes such as; higher divorce rate, older age at first marriage and childbearing, and more births outside marriage also came along with cohabitation. Factors such as secularization, more women in the labor force, changing perspectives of marriages, risk reduction, individualism, and changing views on sexuality have been contributing to these social changes. There has also been a change in modern sexual ethics, legalizing adultery and fornication and criminalizing marital rape, reflecting new concepts about the role and purpose of sexual interaction, and new notions on female sexuality and self-determination (Jaclyn and Jessica,2008). Cohabitation has the concept of “sliding into relationships”-where things go unplanned or just happen without any exact decisions. Many couples today slide into cohabitation without thoughtfully mapping out the future of their relationship. It is developing as a trend among the lower levels of community because of many social, economic and cultural factors. Both men and women face challenges as they became committed in earlier ages of life. The education, career and value of relationships would be affected. Also, if the relationships tend to breakup, the psychosocial wellbeing of the partners as well as of their children will also be affected. Education level was shown to affect the likelihood of cohabitation. Women with less than a high school diploma had a 76% of chance of cohabiting by age 25, whereas women with a bachelor’s degree or higher only had 36% chance of doing so. (Sliding versus Deciding in Relationships by Owen, Jesse, Galena Rhoades and Scott M. Stanley,2013) 1.2 Young Adults

A young adult is generally a person ranging in age from their late teens or early twenties to their thirties, but definitions and opinions vary such as Erik Erikson's stages of human development. The young adult stage in human development precedes middle adulthood. According to Erik Erikson, the adolescent stage emphasis upon formation of one’s personal self or identity, 'the

10 young adult, emerging from the search for and insistence on identity, is anxious and willing to fuse their identity with that of others. He or she is ready to get committed with concrete affiliations and partnerships i.e. to be in intimacy. They should possess the ability to face the fear of ego loss in situations of self-abandon; in the solidarity of close affiliations, in close friendships and in physical combat. Avoidance of such experiences because of a fear of ego-loss may lead to a consequent self-absorption and deep sense of isolation. In modern societies, young adults in their late teens and early 20s encounter have umpteen problems after they finish school and begin to hold full-time jobs and take on other responsibilities of adulthood while the young adult is usually preoccupied with self-growth with respect to their relationship with the society. The danger is that in the Early Adulthood, even though, one does not have the maturity or life experience to make wise choices he or she has to make crucially important choices regarding marriage, family, work, and lifestyle. Being filled with major commitments involving career and life goals' and the quest for intimate relations, there exist a parallel pursuit for the formulation of a set of moral values or having an ‘ideological mindset’. As generations came, the social expectations would also differ. Reaching adulthood in the present scenario is not always a clean transition. (McLeod,2018) 1.3 Kadinamkulam Gram Panchayat Kadinamkulam is a gram panchayat under the Pothencode block panchayat and the northern suburb of Trivandrum City. It consists of 23 wards and a population of 46476.It is one the residential and industrial area of Trivandrum City in Kerala, India. The place is surrounded by Kadinamkulam river to the east, the Arabian Sea to the west, Puthukurichy to the north and Channankara to the south. Kadinamkulam forms part of Kadinamkulam panchayat of Trivandrum district. It is situated at 22 km north of Trivandrum, 20 km from international tourist destination Varkala, 20 km from the Trivandrum International Airport and 22 km from Trivandrum Central Railway station and bus station. National Highway 66 is also 8 km away from Kadinamkulam. Kinfra international apparel park, Marian Engineering College etc. are situated in Kadinamkulam. Most of the people in Kadinamkulam works at Kinfra. The youth are mostly working in the Mall of Travancore. The present density of population in Kadinamkulam is about 2628.73and includes Hindus, Muslims and Christians. From the 19th century onwards, Kadinamkulam and the neighboring villages had trade connections with various Arab countries such as Saudi Arabia and the UAE. Nowadays coir and fishing industries helped people to generate their source of income. Now this industry in Kadinamkulam is struggling for survival. For which government authorities had taken various steps. 1.4 Background of the study The researcher has done her concurrent field work in Kadinamkulam. Most of the people earn their livelihood through fishing. The area was more like a colony that people would live in harmony and peace. People residing there belongs to the Scheduled Caste community. They found their life partners from the nearby residences only so all of them are well acquainted. She came across the concept of cohabitation among the very young adults of the area. They have developed a pattern

11 in the relationship that they don’t believe in the ties of marriage. When they fell in love during the earlier ages of life, they commence to live together. Most of the times, it would be with the family of the male partner. Both the families will not take any initiative in getting them married or having a certificate of marriage. As the marriage is not registered under law, the social and legal norms on marriage are weakened. Moreover, this pattern is followed for the past many years in that area. After having a child, both the families may cooperate with them. After some months or years, many of them had developed extra marital affairs and paved the way to relationships other than to the cohabiting partners. The major focus of the study is on the women who have cohabited and their psycho-social wellbeing. 1.5 Statement of the Problem Cohabitation is the state of living together and having a sexual relationship without being married. The premarital cohabitation effect is the finding that those who live together prior to marriage are more likely, not less, to struggle in marriage. The youth population in Kadinamkulam Gram panchayat follows a pattern of cohabitation. Even though it satisfies the wish of physical proximity, the couples develop higher levels of insecurity, depression and anxiety while cohabiting. For the men, after taking the partner home, he usually gives up his education and may get committed to some jobs like in the malls of Trivandrum. With men being the more likely initiators of cohabitation, women might be passively complying in the hopes that cohabitation will carry over into later marriage, but that didn’t happen in most of the cases. After bearing a child, the education, career and the psychological wellbeing of the woman itself would be affected. Also, she might have got pressure from her family as well for acting against the will of her family. After some point of time, due to the ‘extra affairs’ the other partner possesses, most of them get separated without much risk as they were not bounded to the ties of marriage. They could not complain to anyone for their fate and then live for their children. Mostly the extra affairs came up from the same family alone that the people developed such kind of a culture. 1.6 Significance of the study The researcher targets to communicate the need to understand the significance of relationships rather than sliding into them. The researcher checks whether the education and career got affected while they get into cohabitation. Along with that, the study collects the impression of the women before and after they got committed. Women are the most affected population in any crisis; be it poverty, violence, sexual abuse etc. The magnitude increases with their background and environment therefore the cohabiting women are vulnerable to crisis in the society. This study postulates to look into the challenges faced by the women due to being cohabited and conveys the need of better social support. Thus the cohabiting would receive a betterment in life to take care of themselves and family and could fill the void formed due to deprivation of relationship in their lives. The study mainly aims for various reasons for the women to get into the cohabitation, the challenges they faced while being cohabited and their psycho-social wellbeing. The whole population in the area would build up a generation having trust issues in the relationships. Also, the researcher needs them to fight against their own issues. The studies conducted by scholars about the effect of cohabitation in rural areas are few in general and none

12 in particular. There are many studies which have explored the general picture of the effects created due to cohabitation but not focusing on women specifically at the time of being cohabited. A majority of the studies on effect of cohabitation are conducted both nationally as well as internationally for addressing the challenges faced by couples in their career while cohabiting. Studies focusing on the factors leading to cohabitation especially in the backward caste of the community are not put forward in Kerala. Neither of the studies in Kerala has adopted qualitative methods in drawing information regarding the effect of cohabitation in women, instead have only focused on the unemployment created due to it and the age patterns of women while they get committed. The present study delves deep into the lives of the women who pass through a relationship without any ties. The present study is designed in such a way by incorporating in depth interview for the detailed accounting of their reasons, challenges, social relations, family relationships and support systems.

1.7 Research Questions

General Question:

• What are the effects of Cohabitation among the young women at Kadinamkulam?

Specific questions • What are the factors leading to cohabitation among women?

• What are the challenges faced by women community in their life while being cohabited?

• What are the psychological aspects of the women community while being cohabited? 1.8 Conceptualization The conceptual frame work has been derived from the conceptual understanding that has been developed through the literature review and the concepts discussed in the previous chapter. Even though the women are from similar community they have different experiences in their committed life. The conceptualization of this study emerges from the belief that the cohabiting women in the Kadinamkulam area have different perspectives for the words, cohabitation and the psycho-social wellbeing.

Conceptual definitions Cohabitation: The act of living and having a sexual relationship with someone, especially you are not married to: Cohabitation has been praised as a test drive for marriage. (Cambridge English Dictionary) Young Adult: A person in their teens or early twenties. (Oxford dictionary) Psycho-Social wellbeing: Psychosocial wellbeing is when individuals, families, or communities have cognitive, emotional and spiritual strengths combined with positive social relationships. (East African Community)

Operational definitions Cohabitation: The act of living together and having sexual relationship with the partner. The couples live in the partner’s house. Young Adult: A person in their teens or early twenties especially a woman. Psycho-Social wellbeing: The ability of the person to overcome the stress and challenges of life with better support systems.

CHAPTER 2

REVIEW OF LITERATURE

CONTENTS

2.1 Introduction

2.2 Review of Literature

(a) Cohabitation

(b) Types of Cohabitation

(d) Challenges/ effects of Cohabitation.

(e) Psychosocial Wellbeing of Cohabiting Women.

2.3 Research gap Analysis

2.REVIEW OF LITERATURE 2.1 Introduction A literature review is a summary of previous research on a topic. Literature reviews can be either a part of a larger report of a research project, a thesis or a bibliographic essay that is published separately in a scholarly journal. The purpose of a literature review is to convey to the reader what knowledge and ideas have been acquired on a topic and what the possibilities and limitations are. It also helps the researcher to analyze critically the segment of body of knowledge through summary classification and comparison of prior research studies, reviews of literature, and theoretical articles. The literature review allows the reader to travel through the evolution of the topic from the already conducted study to the present state of the topic. In this process, the researcher keenly selects and churns the available literature for achieving accuracy. Literature review helps the in identifying the unidentified realms of a topic to which the researcher can lead the successors. A competent review of the literature is at least in part a means of affirming your credibility as someone who is knowledgeable in your chosen area. This is not simply a matter of reproducing the theories and opinions of other scholars, but also being able to interpret what they have written, possibly by using their ideas to support a particular viewpoint or argument (Bryman, 2012).

2.2 Literature Review (a) Cohabitation According to Merriam Webster, Cohabitation refers to living together and having sexual relationship. The couples would be existing together as if they are married. Megan M. Sweeney; Teresa Castro-Martin; Melinda Mills (2015). "The reproductive context of cohabitation in comparative perspective: Contraceptive use in the United States, Spain, and France" (PDF). Demographic Research. 32: 147–182. doi:10.4054/DemRes.2015.32.5. Family demographers have been fascinated with the dramatic rise of non-marital cohabitation in industrialized countries. Cohabitation shifted from being unusual to a relatively common phenomenon over the past thirty years in the United States (Bumpass and Lu 2000; Kennedy and Bumpass 2008). European countries vary considerably in the role played by cohabitation in broader patterns of romantic partnership. Cohabitation has increased rapidly in much of Northern and Western Europe in recent decades, whereas the diffusion of non-marital cohabitation has been slower across Southern Europe ( Di Giulio and Rosina 2007). Levels of cohabitation in France are lower than the Nordic countries but remain well above Eastern and Southern Europe (Koppen 2010; Potârcă, Mills, and Lesnard 2013). Although cohabitation remains relatively uncommon in Italy (Nazio and Blossfeld,2003), recent evidence suggests that a dramatic change in patterns of union formation may be unfolding in Spain (Dominguez-Folgueras and Castro-Martin 2013).

(b) Types of Cohabitation The researcher aims at studying about the committed cohabitors i.e. those who expect to marry but not for many reasons. There are other kinds of cohabitation as well. According to Wilson (2004), Cohabitation is not a uniform phenomenon and describes four different types of cohabitation relationships – casual, cautious, committed, and alternative. Casual cohabitors gradually move towards living together. Usually they already have a full sexual relationship, which they see as a normal part of their life. One moves in with the other for convenience or financial reasons, without much thought about the future. Cautious cohabitors are more serious about the future. They generally believe in marriage, and are tentatively moving towards it, but are not yet fully committed to each other. They may consider cohabitation as a trial marriage, hoping that it will help them to decide whether they are right for each other. Committed cohabitors have made the decision to stay together, and they hope that it will be for life. They expect to get married, but have not done so yet for various reasons. Alternative cohabitors think according to cultural or philosophical reasons. They do not think in terms of marriage, which they see as outdated. This could be for cultural or philosophical reasons. They are not conventional but committed. They do not think that formal marriage would make any positive difference to their relationship. (Shodhganga,2015))

(c) Factors leading to Cohabitation Couples' Reasons for Cohabitation Associations with Individual Well-Being and Relationship Quality by Rhoades This study used a new measure to examine how different types of reasons for cohabitation were associated with individual well-being and relationship quality in a sample of 120 cohabiting heterosexual couples (N = 240). Spending more time together and convenience were the most strongly approved reasons. The degree to which individuals reported cohabiting to test their relationships was associated with more negative couple communication and more physical aggression as well as lower relationship adjustment, confidence, and dedication. Testing the relationship was also associated with higher levels of attachment insecurity. (Rhoades, 2009). According to Walton in his The Marriage Problem: Why Many Are Choosing Cohabitation Instead., Young people voice a number of concerns about getting married, and these concerns may drive them to cohabitate rather than marry. As benefits, they see in living together vs. getting married, people who opt for cohabitation over marriage tend to cite the fear of divorce as the central reason not to get married. Young people have concerns about their ability to maintain a successful marriage life. For example, among high school seniors in the late '90s, about 40 percent felt that if they did marry, they were not convinced that they would stay married to the same person

18 throughout their whole lifetime. Similarly, among adults, many people choose cohabitation as a way to test-drive the relationship before getting married. Others fear marriage in a larger sense, and opt to live together instead of tying the knot at all. Even people who have no personal experience with divorce (say, of their parents or friends) are concerned about it happening to them. (Walton,2012). (d) Challenges or Effects of Cohabitation In the “The reproductive context of cohabitation in comparative perspective: Contraceptive use in the United States, Spain, and France” by Sweeney The data from the National Survey of Family Growth suggest that highly-effective reversible contraception methods such as inter-uterine devices (IUDs) and particularly the birth control pill were the most commonly chosen contraceptive methods among U.S. never-married cohabiting women in the early 1980s, when cohabitation was in a relatively early stage of its rise (Sweeney ,2010). The share of never-married cohabiting U.S. women using such methods had declined somewhat by 2002, however, arguably as cohabitation became more normatively accepted as a context for bearing and rearing children – particularly among the least educated women (Sweeney, 2010). Rhoades in her “The Pre-Engagement Cohabitation Effect: A Replication and Extension of Previous Findings” Using a random telephone survey of men and women married within the past 10 years (N = 1050), the study replicated previous findings regarding the timing of engagement and the premarital cohabitation effect. For this study, 1050 married men (n = 523) and women (n = 527) from different relationships completed a brief telephone survey regarding their cohabitation histories and several aspects of their marriages. Qualifying questions limited participation to those 18 – 34 years old and married 10 years or less, the sample therefore only included individuals who married between 1996 and 2007. On average, participants made $35,000–40,000 annually and had completed some post-secondary-school education, but had not obtained a degree. The majority of participants (91.8%) had never been divorced. As the sample is large, the alpha for all hypothesis tests was set at p < .01. To test the hypothesis that married individuals who lived with their spouses before engagement would report having poorer quality marriages in terms of satisfaction, negative communication, confidence, dedication, friendship, and sexual satisfaction than those who lived together after engagement or not at all before marriage, six one-way analysis of variances (comparing means of two variables), ANOVAs were conducted. There were significant main effects of premarital cohabitation history for four of these six dependent variables: satisfaction, negative communication, confidence, and dedication. For these four variables, t-tests were conducted to compare the three types of cohabitation history. For satisfaction, dedication, and confidence, those who lived together before engagement reported significantly lower scores than those who cohabited only after engagement. In contrast to the hypothesis, those who cohabited before engagement were not significantly more likely to have ever suggested divorce than those who cohabited after engagement. There were no significant differences between those who cohabited after engagement and not at all before marriage on any of these variables. The study

19 found evidence that cohabiting before engagement, is associated with more negative communication and higher divorce potential. (Galena K. Rhoades, S. M,2017). (e) Psychosocial Wellbeing of Cohabiting Women. According to Newcomb in his “Cohabitation, Marriage and Divorce among Adolescents and Young Adults”, examines a variety of important aspects of marriage, cohabitation, and divorce among young adults. Using longitudinal data obtained in high school, men and women in their early twenties were compared on the basis of whether they have or have not cohabited, in general, and, for those who married, whether they had cohabited prior to marriage. Prior to cohabiting, future cohabitors reported significantly more frequent drug use, poorer relationships with family and friends, and more nontraditional personality traits than non cohabitors. Using concurrent data obtained from the young adults, these same groups were compared on a variety of variables related to autonomy needs, dependency conflicts, friendship network, and quality of life. Cohabitors tended to have more dependency conflicts, somewhat more autonomy needs, more sexually active friendship network, and lower life satisfaction in many areas, compared with non cohabitors. It was also found that premarital cohabitors had significantly higher divorce rates than those who did not cohabit before marriage. Results are discussed in terms of life stage, maturity level, and autonomy/affiliation needs. (Newcomb, M. D. 1986) In “Cohabitation and mental health: Is psychotropic medication use more common in cohabitation than marriage “by Hedel K V explains that marriage is associated with better mental health. While research on the mental health of cohabiting individuals has increased in recent years, it has yielded mixed results thus far. It is assessed here whether the mental health of cohabitors is comparable to that of married individuals or those living alone using longitudinal data on psychotropic medication purchases. Panel data from an 11% random sample of the population residing in Finland for the years 1995 to 2007, with annual measurements of all covariates, were used. Ordinary least squares (OLS) models were applied to disentangle the relation between cohabitation and psychotropic medication purchases while controlling the relevant time-varying factors (age, education, economic activity, and number of children), and individual fixed effects models to further account for unobserved time-invariant individual factors. Descriptive results and the OLS model indicated that the likelihood of purchasing psychotropic medication was lowest for married individuals, higher for cohabiters, and highest for individuals living alone. In summary, these findings suggested the mental health difference between cohabiting and married ones. (Hedel, K. V,2018) Ubesekera and Jiaojiang Luo in their “Marriage and Family Life Satisfaction: A Literature Review” examined the relationship between cohabitation and divorce. They developed hypotheses predicting that premarital cohabitation is selective of those who are prone to divorce as well as hypotheses predicting that the experience of premarital cohabitation produces attitudes and values which increase the probability of divorce (Axinn and Thoraton ,1992) They used data from a 23- year, seven wave study of mothers and their children. This figure represents complete information from 867 families. The results are consistent with hypotheses suggesting that cohabitation is selective of men and women who are less committed to marriage and more approving of divorce.

The results also are consistent with the conclusion that cohabiting experiences significantly increase young people’s acceptance of divorce. (Ubesekera, D. and Jiaojiang, 2010).

2.3 RESEARCH GAP ANALYSIS There is no study done on the basis of Cohabitation in rural areas. But studies exist about the live-in-relationships of urban areas.

CHAPTER 3

METHODOLOGY

CONTENTS 3.1 Title

3.2 Research Design

3.3 Pilot Study

3.4 Universe and Unit

3.5 Sampling

3.6 Sources of Data

3.7 Tools of Data Collection

3.8 Pretest

3.9 Data Collection

3.10 Data Analysis

3.11 Chapterisation

3.12 Ethical Considerations.

3.13 Limitations of the Study

3. Research Methodology 3.1 Title of the Study “The Effects of Cohabitation among Women in Kadinamkulam Gram Panchayat” is the title of the study. 23

3.2 Research Approach To understand the impacts and challenges faced by women cohabiting in the rural areas, following the qualitative research paradigm becomes important along with the non-participatory observation applied for identifying the major challenges faced by them to receive profound learning. This approach is adapted to capture the life of women and the straight truths associated. Case study, being the appropriate design for the study, is selected for a better acquirement of the details. To realize the ground realities in the sliding of relationships and the commitment levels in cohabitation and the real challenges in the life of the women, by relating to the specific context that enables to understand their own interpretations on what they know from their experiences so they could clarify their problems. 3.2.1 Design of the study The researcher has adopted case study design. The study is descriptive in nature. The basic case study subsumes the deep and detailed analysis of a single case. The term ‘case’ associates the case study with a location, such as a community or organization. The emphasis tends to be upon an intensive examination of the setting (Bryman, 2001) 3.3 Pilot Study The researcher visited the Kadinamkulam locality where cohabitation occurs abundantly and is situated near to the Community hall. The major focus of the researcher was to get preliminary data about the women who are young and into cohabitation. A pilot study was conducted among the ICDS workers and helpers of the area as the researcher was familiar with them from her concurrent field to check the feasibility of the study. As one of the helper was from the same area, she helped the researcher to find the cases. The researcher received information like the contacting details of the respondents from the helper as most of the respondents were in working status. 3.4 Unit of Study The unit of the study is a woman who is committed in a cohabitation relationship and with an age group between 18 and 30 from Kadinamkulam. The researcher also focuses on the ICDS worker and helper who can give ample information about the lives of those women. The respondents were selected according to their age group along with the duration of their commitment. The researcher keenly selected women who have been cohabiting for a maximum period of five years and who have completed 3 months.

3.5 Sampling Respondents were cohabiting women from coastal regions of Kadinamkulam. Samples were collected through purposive sampling. 3.6 Source of data collection

Primary source: The researcher collected primary data from the cohabiting women at Kadinamkulam, Thiruvananthapuram. They were residing close more like a colony. The data was collected with the help of an in depth interview method conducted by the researcher. Secondary source: The researcher collected the secondary data from the worker and helper at the ICDS near to the Community hall in Kadinamkulam, along with other publications, articles, internet, journals etc. 3.7 Tool of data collection A semi-structured interview guide was prepared in advance and the data was collected through in- depth interviews with the women who have been cohabiting. 3.8 Pre-test The pre-test was conducted among the women who were most familiar with the ICDS helper. 3.9 Data Collection The researcher has conducted tele-communication with the women as most of them were only available at homes at 6pm after work. 3.10 Data analysis and interpretation The data collected as per the interview guide was analysed and interpreted based on the objectives of the study. Data was again collected from primarily and secondarily for contributing to further analysis. 3.11 Chapter Divisions Chapter 1 – Introduction Chapter 2 – Review of literature Chapter 3 – Methodology Chapter 4 – Case Description and Data Analysis Chapter 5– Discussions and Findings Chapter 6 – Conclusion Chapter 7 –Reference and Appendix 3.12 Ethical Considerations The Ethics are said to be the norms or rules that helps a researcher distinguish between what is acceptable and not acceptable while conducting a research. Ethical standards prevent against the fabrication or falsifying of data and therefore, promote the pursuit of knowledge and truth which

25 is the primary goal of research. Hence, every ethical consideration is unique and varies according to the field of research. According to the present study, while considering the cohabitation relationship of the women at Kadinamkulam area, it was always challenging to raise leading questions about the factors leading and problems faced with the relationship. The researcher had to make sure the questions will not provoke the thoughts of the person which in turn trouble her married life. The questions were formed in such a way that it will not hurt the emotions of the person. Confidentiality was yet another consideration and all the details and audio tapes that were collected for the purpose of the study were with the complete consent of the people. It was challenging to reach the people as well as to their homes because of the availability concerns. The researcher made use of calls to reach them for collecting information that would help the study prosper. 3.13 Limitation of the Study The major limitation faced by the researcher was the availability of samples. Most of them were working in various shops and malls of the city of Trivandrum. Hence, the only possible way to conduct the research was through calls. As the topic deals with emotions and feelings of relationships, the researcher faced difficulty in bringing the real issues to light. Also, the research was supposed to be bound with limited time. Therefore, the researcher could only touch the periphery of the challenges faced by the women. It was difficult for the researcher to approach some of the cases since the whole world was fighting against the COVID-19 during the time and the plans for meeting them in-person during free days was impossible. The interviews through calls took a lot of time to provide ample feedback and clarity what was said by the case. The researcher focused only on the womenfolk who have been into a cohabitation relationship and not the family members or the spouse. Considering the families and close acquaintances in further study would help the researcher to bring out more detailed and extensive finding on the lives of the samples.

CHAPTER 4

CASE PRESENTATION

Contents 4.1 Case study A

4.2 Case study B

4.3 Case study C

4.4 Case study D

4.5 Case study E

4.1 Case Study A

(a) Personal details of A A is 27 years old and works in a Textiles shop as sales woman. She is literate and has gone to school till class tenth. She has worked at various malls of Trivandrum as well as sales woman. She has been in the relationship since one and half a year and her partner is a fisherman. (b) Factors which led to Cohabitation She was born and brought up in a middle class family with her parents and six siblings. Her father was a carpenter and mother was the helper in the nearby church. They were close to the church and still keeps the belief in Christianity. She was the third one of the children. They lived happily irrespective on the days of their father’s physical abuse when he was drunk. ‘’In my family I led a happy life with my mother and siblings...but still I don’t care about the relation I had with my father...but he always cared about making the lines meet. I was not good at my studies and got struck with a relationship with one of our neighbors. We decided to elope as he belonged to another caste. After the marriage registration only, my parents came to know about it. His family agreed for the relation and I lived there for five long years...”

She had a married relationship with another when she was 21 years old. She was married to an alcoholic and was a victim of domestic violence. Even her in-laws treated her like servant. She did not want to get protected from her own family as the marriage was not with their consent. She tried many ways of getting out of the relationship but became pregnant. She took care of the baby boy and left for the job at mall due to high financial crisis. There she gets into the relationship with the current partner. After the five years of struggling marriage life, she became pregnant again. She shared the reasons which led her to cohabitation; “...while, I was pregnant, my brother in law, tried to abuse me sexually and my husband found that. He was not ready to believe me and told that it was not his child. Then, I decided to left that house and get into the cohabitation relationship…my first son has been taken care of my younger sister and he is in hostel now. My younger son is with me now.” The abuse from her husband’s elder brother was unexpected and it took about a month for her to recover from the same. The situation became desperate when her husband blamed her for the attempt. The stay with him and his family members became a bad time for her. Meanwhile, her present cohabiting partner provided moral support for her. He called her frequently and consoled for whatever happened to her life. Also, her youngest sister who is 25 now, and married to better conditions helped her in the odd situation. She asked her to leave the relation and find a better place and promised that she would take care of the five-year-old son.

‘’I am sure that my youngest sister got a better life than any of us and she is taking care of my son now... He is happy with her and she treats him like her own son… My son is growing with her children…Now he is in hostel for better education. Hope that he is getting what I dreamt about my life. Initially, I was afraid, if my sisters would be affected because of my son, but her husband is also a nice man. They are taking care of my son even more than I could…’’ (c) Challenges faced while Cohabiting A really struggled in her partner’s family initially while cohabiting as her partner is three years younger than her. But the partner took care of her and the child. Later, after some months, mother- in-law accepted her. Her husband came to their house when she and her partner was not there and quarreled with other family members. Then, there happened some quarrels through phone calls but actually don’t want to think about her past life. Firstly, he asked her to stop working in the mall and she was not ready for it. Then, he started beating her and shared his worries that he had doubts on her. She ignored that and continued the job. About the relationship, she is happy that her partner’s mother is fond of her and she shares that: “…. I am not much worried in this relation because it doesn’t have any ties like marriage and he cannot force me to do anything in my life. I could make my own choices and decisions and he has his own ways too. But, now I am happy and the relation is not bitter as the first one. At least, I have the support of his mother and she understands me better than anyone could. She took care of me and my child and even once helped me to connect with the family…but they are not ready to accept me till now...’’ A is worried about her first child. Once, she decided to connect with him through her sister. But she has the feeling that he would be safe with her sister. His father does not have much concerns about the child and he repeatedly said that he has no responsibility with the second child. ‘’Even though he has doubts on me...my partner takes care of my child… I am happy that he does not treat my child even though he belongs to my first relation. ‘’ After a year, things got much worsen that her partner doubted her that if she had some relation his unmarried elder brother. This brother also stays at the same house and the doubts resulted in the quarrel between both brothers. For the reason that his elder brother had a broken relation, he was not prepared for a marriage.to avoid the quarrel, the elder brother left the house and lives in another house nearby for rent. A has worries about that brother that because of her the quarrel happened even though she was certain about the relationship between them.

Later, the elder brother itself suggested her to take her partner to de-addiction center. Her partner has a bigger friendship circle and most of them are addicts in that circle. She has the thought of peer pressure which turned him into a skeptic. ‘’...He has turned completely into a skeptic and I have the doubts that his friends gave him ideas like I have extra affairs and deceiving him. I wondered sometimes why he believes all those stuff even though I trust and love him wholeheartedly. Sometimes, he would confess that he has no doubts on me and trust me completely. Soon after having drinks he will transform into the doubtful man. But the best thing is I have the support of his mother and we decided to take him to the de-addiction center as suggested by our elder brother” Her partner stayed at the de-addiction Centre for about three months. She helped the family all those months to avoid the financial crisis. After three months he returned. He got relieved from the skeptic behavior and the drinking habits. He is finding time for family but still does not talk to his elder brother. For the question that if she had any trust issues with him she replied that she had during the earlier phase of their relationship but she is sure that he behaves this way only because he has wrong friendships. Moreover, from his mother she came to know that his father was also an addict. His parents were also in a cohabiting relationship. She shared that most of the couples are cohabiting in that area and they all does not care about getting married. ‘’…I think only because we don’t have much ties in the relation, I often doubt if he leaves me or get into some other relation. Sometimes, I feel like I am alone and I have made all of them cry who has loved me in my whole life. I have thoughts about my mother as well if she was there for me to take care of me and my problems. This world is completely skeptic in all its relations even I too. But I have a good sister and mother-in-law to talk. I am worried that I could not give a child for him. He also has the same thought but never shared with me but I know he is hurt deep inside.’’ The researcher asked if A is worried that they do not have a marriage certificate or any official documents showing that they were married. She shared that about 90% of the couples are cohabiting in that area and why she should worry about that. Also she thinks that those kind of ‘tieless’ relationships may seem like less responsible but it possesses more commitment than those were tied.

4.2 Case Study B (a) Personal details of B B is 22 years old and works in the Mall of Travancore. She has been cohabiting for about three years and her partner also works in the same mall. She is from the nearby coastal area and they know each other from the school days. B grown up in a maritime community and her father was a fisherman. She had an elder brother and he got married before five years. That relation was also cohabitation but married soon. They were living happily with what they had. ‘’…We were living happily and my family was my strength. My parents were so nice to me...even when I failed SSLC.They asked me if I wanted to study further. Because of the financial crisis in my house I ignored the wish for studies. But I decided to write the SSLC exam again. At that time my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and those were the worst days of my life. We were totally helpless because of the lack of money and also not much time was left. I owned the whole responsibility of my mother and took care of her. We had the belief that she would stay with us. My brother and his wife shifted to another house meanwhile and that really shattered my parents’’ (b) Factors leading to Cohabitation B went through liable situation when her mother got diagnosed with cancer. She really wished to get her mother back. But her mother died after two months of struggle. The unforeseen page of life created the feeling of loneliness in her life while father also left her after that. Her father was not a stout and left to his friends at Kollam. She got the feeling that no one was anxious about her. Her brother and wife joined her but she understood that they have nothing to do with her instead the property and house. She became vulnerable and decided to elope with the one she loved. Despite all the warnings of her brother, she called him and he was ready to take her to anywhere for her peace of mind. Once they were caught at the Thampanoor railway station and then they were not ready to give up. She eloped with the guy she liked when she was seventeen. The researcher asked about her partner’s family to find out if they were supportive. ‘’...That was a big family. His father died years ago and his mother also took care of the family by doing jobs at seashore. His sister was married but as she got issues with her husband. She also stayed in the house with her two children.’’ Initially, she was worried if her brother would create discomfort in their life. As she was only seventeen, his mother did not allow them to live together and she kept blaming her son for being impulsive. For the sake of existence in that house B tolerated as she didn’t have a second option. His sister was more concerned about B and gave much care like an elder sister. As responsibilities hiked, he worked at malls during day times and worked as driver too at night. The house was under loan and his brother-in-law visited the house often with his friends for cash. Then B also decided to join her partner at mall for some job. Now, she works at the Toy shop. After she commenced

32 working, his mother was happy with her. Even though cash was given, sister and her children remained in the house. ‘’We waited till I became 18 ...Then with his mother’s consent we lived together. Those days were the best days of my life. We didn’t bother about getting married. His mother and sister took care of me...I continued my job in the mall. After some months, I got conceived’’

(c) Challenges faced while Cohabiting When B got pregnant her mother-in-law asked to call her brother. She was not ready at first and then prepared her mind and called. Her brother replied as they don’t want to hear her and asked her not to call again. Her brother repeatedly told her that she was being cheated by her partner and his family. When she enquired more about it, he asked her why she didn’t get married so far. She remained silent for the question because she didn’t think about the same. They were comfortable in that relation. Also, her partner told her that it was not necessary to get a registration for them to be in a relation. For the first three months, consulting doctor asked B to take rest as her body was weak. By the second month, she got fatigue and bleeding also started. Her first child was aborted. That was really a shock for the couples. For many days B remained at the house. Her mother-in-law told her that she was really a curse for their family. Because of the continuous mental pressure, B became too weak. Again, his mother asked B to contact her brother and bring some money else to go for the job again. Finally, she told about the pressure to her partner. He became so frustrated and told his mother to remain silent. That turned into a whole issue and her partner asked her if she want to stay in her house, he would talk to her brother. He told B that they need the blessing of both families. B went to her brother but as expected by her, he was not ready to accommodate her. She told about the abortion happened to her and her sister-in-law showed affection but her brother remained in the same stand. So, she returned back that day itself. One day, her partner called one of his friends at Chennai friend replied and asked him if there were any better job opportunities. He got a positive reply. B asked her partner to take her along with him and he agreed. After a week, they received the message that the accommodation was ready and they decided to leave as soon as possible. ‘’...My partner was very eager to leave his house just because he wanted to provide peace of mind for me...those days ..we were not able to sleep. He consoled me whenever his mother said that I was a curse for the family. Even I was happy for that shift. That journey helped us to forget all the commitments and we got more time together. His friend helped a lot to find a job for me as well and accommodation. I got a job in a super market near Trichy and he got in a petrol pump in the city itself. We lived there for rent. At weekends, we had gone for outing also. Life seems to be pretty good.’’

But after three months, his mother called him. She asked him if he had forgotten them. She explained about the hardships they were going through and asked him to be immediately in the house. Initially, he was not willing and asked B if she really wanted to. B told him to send some amount every month, so that they could live happily and B would have peace of mind. He agreed upon the suggestion and started searching for better jobs in the city. He didn’t get any, hence done overtime. He tried to convince his mother and sister that they both had better jobs. His mother shared about the sufferings of his sister that his brother-in-law made issues allied with money. B’s partner asked his mother to file complaint against his brother-in-law for causing unnecessary problems. ‘’ ...After some days, his sister called and shared her worries about life. She searched for opportunities but she wanted to take care of the two children. She asked him about our future plans that if we don’t return to them. He was worried for may days and kept on thinking about his sister and her life. I told him about leaving Trichy and he asked me umpteen times if I was prepared for it...I really did not want to return but for his happiness I agreed and returned ‘’ The researcher asked about the attitude of the in-laws after the return. B replied that it became worse that her mother-in-law told B’s partner that B has some illicit relations and she was deceiving him. B was compelled for bringing money from her home. As long as that remained as impossible, the spat persisted. B continued with the job at the mall but the salary was insufficient for her mother-in-law. As the compulsion continued, B went to her home again. Then happened a quarrel for the property. There were about 10 cents of B’s mother. Her brother was unwilling and filed case for the property against sister. The case still goes on and B is not much cared about it as she had taken care of her mother without expectations. The researcher asked if B miss her mother and she replied, she often has thought like if her mother was alive, she would have been taken care of. She does not have a sense of security in her partner’s house and sometimes feels like she was the only odd one in the house. It is more than a thought that she was the sole reason for all the generated problems in both the families. She has been overthinking about those incidents and have regrets that the relationship itself was impulsive. ‘’…Six months ago, when my partner was not at home... I got a fever and severe headache. I remained at home and took rest. That afternoon, I started vomiting and heavy abdominal pain was there. My in-laws were not willing to take me to the hospital, So I called the nurse from the nearby PHC.That was a Thursday and luckily doctor was there. As I was completely collapsed, doctor referred to hospital and the next day I went with my partner. I was conceived again and we are waiting for the baby now. As the first child got aborted, doctor suggested for complete bed rest ...My hopes, prayers and the whole world is revolving around my baby and the only thing which gives me happiness is that I’m conceived.’’

4.3 Case study C (a) Personal details of C C is eighteen years old and she has completed tailoring after higher secondary education. She belonged to a Pentecost family, so she was brought up in deep belief. Her father was a Pastor too. C wished to become a fashion designer but her parents sent her for tailoring. She has two siblings and the eldest brother worked in Surat. Her second sister works as a nurse in Kuwait. C does not opt for a professional course but was interested in fashion designing. She longed for joining in some fashion institutes in Bangalore or Hyderabad. Her eldest brother has promised her too that he would help her to join any fashion institute but asked to her to complete a tailoring course. She loved drawing as well.C has presented many oil paintings during school festivals and got many prizes too for competitions. (b) Factors which led to Cohabitation While C was doing her tailoring course of six months, she met a guy daily and he worked at the nearby mobile shop. He belonged to a Hindu family and C was pretty sure that it would not end up in a marriage. She was worried about the consent of her family as her father was a Pastor. Her family was a well-known family in that area but they loved each other. He encouraged her to complete her course. Meanwhile, he decided to find a better job and planned for presenting their affair in both families. He had given her surety that they would marry with the consent and blessings of both the families. His words consoled her and increased the bond and trust. “…And then happened few incidents which changed my life entirely. My eldest brother asked my parents to visit Surat and made an option that if they want to settle there...Also he got an alliance from one of the prominent families in Surat itself. My parents were excited and they wished to take me too along with them. There was only one month left to complete the course but they didn’t listen me as usual. All I have done was informing him about the immediate plan that we were shifting to Surat. C became restless and the situation was so confusing for her. She could not leave him. He came up with a plan to elope and gave her the word that his family would take care of her. C was convinced. Same time, she was caught at home as her mother noticed her calls and punished as it was not a matter to be spared for her family. The incidents created a drive to make the shifting procedures faster. The couples planned for their elopement as well. The night before the shift, they had a group prayer in C’s house. At the middle of that night, they eloped. The researcher asked about the life after the elopement .C described about the whole family that his mother was the one taking care of the family with her job. His father was an addict and did not bother about the family. He also had an elder brother and younger sister. Firstly, they seemed loving and caring for her. She felt like her needs and desires were fulfilled. Her mother-in-law did not allow them to live together but she was happy with that. C told her dreams with the mother-in- law and she promised that she would take care of C and her dreams. But, her in-law asked her to stay away from her partner still he gets a better job and she attain eighteen years. (When eloped, she was only seventeen).

(c) Challenges faced while Cohabiting The researcher enquired about the attitude of other family members and whether it was challenging, C replied that, His father remained drunken for the whole day and night. He opposed the relation and argued with his wife about the financial crisis they were going through. He told her that C will be another mistake in his life. But mother-in-law did not accept his words and told him to remain silent. His elder brother did not talk much with C but younger sister was amicable who was just one year younger than her. The researcher asked about if she faced any other kind of challenges in the house, C answered that, she felt insecure when his father was drunken and physically abuse his wife. ‘’I have not seen his father without drunken for even one day. After that, he would physically abuse our mother. She has leg impairment, so she could not walk as fast as we could. She would cry loudly and most of the neighbors would gather in front of our house as if they are seeing some film. The eldest brother would react and argue with his father for drinking every day and ruining the peace. But the younger one i.e. my partner does not want to get involved and that surprised me a lot. After the quarrel, father would stay at the football ground which is in front of the house. One day, I asked my partner about his lack of concern in family matters and he replied that it’s only a matter between his parents and he did not want to involve...’’ The Researcher asked if C’s parents came in search of her, C remained silent for many minutes. For her, that was a surprise. Her parents left to Surat and only her mother and a church mate called her after the elopement. She doesn’t know much about their condition and showed uneasiness while talking about them. She was informed when her brother got hitched and that was from an old church mate. For C, it’s like she has been wiped out from their life totally. Her mother called to warn her about calling or meeting them. Also told that they would shift to Surat immediately. The researcher asked whether her beliefs were not questioned as she lives in a Hindu family. C chuckled for the question and answered that her partner does not believe in God at all. She would be happy if he believed at least in Hinduism. So, she dropped the thought of transforming him to Christianity. But his mother goes to temple frequently and nowadays C has also been coerced to accompany her. That’s the only way for C to hate her mother-in-law. C doesn’t want anyone to intervene in her beliefs. She tried to reveal her hatred to visit temple but afraid as her existence in the house would be affected. Even her partner shows slackness in the relation as months pass. C knows well that her life is passing through the unexpected ways. But it seems hopeless for her to believe that the time will pass. As her partner showed discomfort in the relation, I asked him to be at home when his mother was not there. His sister was the one checking us after mother leaves for work. That day, C begged the sister not to disclose it to mother and she agreed. They made out that day and it remained as a secret. From then, C’s partner showed affection to her. That has ended up her wretchedness to an extent. But the incident paved way for another difficulty that the sister told about her love relation and seek help from C to elope with him. C told her that she will disclose it with her brother and

36 mother but then sister told that she would reveal C’s secrets too. C faced the dilemma and it was like she was trapped. As the sister doesn’t have a phone, C has to give her and C has to check too as if no one else notice. The researcher asked C how she cope up with the upcoming challenges and C replied that, “There was nothing new in each day, so I decided to continue the tailoring class. His mother agreed. After completing the course, I bought an old sewing machine from one of my partner’s friends and that became really helpful to get some orders from nearby areas. The area has lot of tailoring shops and competing tailors too. Because of the startup, I came to know some more women in the area and somebody to talk freely. They all ask about family and came to know that I belong to Pentecost belief from my appearance. Anyway, his mother is satisfied with what I have done.’’ The researcher enquired if she has been experiencing the expected life and she replied it sobbing. After she commenced the small unit of tailoring, her partner didn’t go for work and even he took cash from her for treating his friends. ‘’Nowadays, he didn’t go for work and shows an attitude of negligence towards me. The way he speaks, his actions even his looks show ignorance. Sometimes, I feel like running away from that house but confused as I have no one else in this world. There are some women residing near our house and they told me that my partner was very aggressive some days before my arrival. He was taken to de addiction centres as well to reduce the consumption of drugs. That was a new information for me that he used drugs. I asked him about it that night itself. He became violent and scolded for believing others. He complained that I had broken the trust in him and asked me to get out of the house. I cried the whole night and told him I had nowhere else to go. The very next day he came him with some of his friends and there was no one at home. They were all drunken and told all of them that I have doubts on him. He asked me to inquire with them if he used drugs. They all laughed and let the house. The incident happened two days before and have not talked with him so far...’’ The researcher asked whether her parents contacted her then or she tried. C answered like she really wanted to end the relation. She does not want to spoil her life living with such a man who does not keep promises. Researcher enquired about her plans. She replied as if her old church friend would help her to connect with her parents. As they didn’t get married yet, there were no ties as well. Also, she is sure that nobody from her partner’s house really care about her now.C has started dreaming again.

4.4 Case study D (a) Personal details of D D is eighteen years old. She was born and brought up in an Islam family. Her family consisted of her parents, two elder sisters and a younger sister. Her father was a gulf employee and her two elder sisters got married and settled. Her eldest sister is at Dubai and the other in Trivandrum itself. The younger sister is at sixth grade. She has faded memories about her father and he has been with the family only for the weddings. But D knew that her father struggled for them. Her mother always spent her time in kitchen and offering prayers. They had many relatives living nearby. It was a big family and all lived in prosperity. Her family doesn’t give much significance for education but D loved studying. She wished to become an architect. She was aware that her dream costs big. She took tuition for the children nearby. Initially, there were only two children and later the number increased. Her mother was also happy as she could earn something for her needs. (b) Factors which led to Cohabitation The researcher asked her about the reasons for her cohabiting life and she replied that he was the guy who has visited their house for plumbing works. D began chatting with him through social media and they fell in love. She was only sixteen that time. The researcher asked whether her mother did not notice the relation and she replied... “ …once my mother checked her phone suddenly and I forgot to delete the messages he sent. Also, she got the recordings of our phone calls and she got an idea about how deep was our relationship. She scolded and immediately called my father. He was so desperate for weeks and didn’t talk to me. That was an unbearable situation and I called my father ..he made me promise to break up with him. I have cried and he too. He told me about the variations in both the families and told about the age-caste barriers. I promised him for the sake of the hour and broke it within three days. I was the tuition teacher for his cousin sister, so we communicated through letters as phone was not allowed” D and her partner communicated through letters and meanwhile she completed her plus one education. One day, one of her father’s friend came home along with his family. After some days, she came to know that her marriage was fixed. She didn’t get a shock as it was an expected alliance. But it was a bit too early for her. She called her father and complained. He told D not to panic that it would only happen after her studies. Even though there was one more year, D got worried The researcher asked if she had waited for that one-year and she replied that Allah didn’t give the chance to wait but everything happened suddenly. “One day, there was no class due to a political strike. So, I called him and asked if he was free. I was really confused about his future plans and asked him to meet for discussing about our own future. We have not gone anywhere together so he took me to Ponmudi that day. I enjoyed the moments with him and he consoled my worried thoughts. He promised me that he would take care of. My father was at home that time so I asked him to take me home before 5pm. Unfortunately, we

reached only by 6pm. Also my father got information from somewhere else and he was waiting for me in the verandah.’’ D was pretty sure that her father would scold her but the situation was worse. The way he reacted changed her life as whole. Her father restricted her from entering the house and her mother didn’t say a word. She still remembers her father’s face at that moment. Words failed her as such a reaction was quite unexpected. For her father, his daughter had broken the promises made and most of their neighborhood came to know about the trip to Ponmudi. The researcher asked if she didn’t cry in front of him and apologized. D replied that she mostly hates crying before others. But that evening she cried which was evident in front of her family and neighbors. She really thought about her father punishing her and allowing her to enter. But all he said was to stay away from the house and she could choose her life. After the unexpected events, her partner came home as she called him. Even though his first reply came as a question that if she has anywhere to go. That question made her to think about her partner. For the first time, she doubted if he was a right choose. But without losing hope and courage, she replied that he was her only place of comfort. For many minutes, he remained silent and decided to take her home. D answered for the question if she was aware about his family that she didn’t enquired before. The house was about 1km away from her house. At that time, she thought her father would lose his temper by next day and he may contact her. Also, she made up her mind to call him the very next day. Unwillingly, D spent the night in his house. But all the family members treated her well with much care and attention. She was happy about that it was much more than what she received in her own family. The very next day only she came to know more about her partner’s family. He had lost his father when he was about two and his mother struggled for the daily needs. Also, he has an elder brother who now works as an office staff. They have an age difference of three. After his mother’s younger sister got married, his mother got a visa to Dubai and she got a job there. That was ten years ago. As it was a better offer, she decided to leave and worried about her children. Her younger sister’s husband told her that they could take care of them. Her sister also agreed. From then, both the brothers stayed with them and completed their education. Their mother sent a portion of her salary for their studies and for the expenses of the family. Now, the family consists of seven members. Partner and his brother, his mother’s sister, her husband and their two children and their grandmother. And the elder child of his mother’s sister was D’s student. (c) Challenges faced while cohabiting D was worried first as his parents were not there to take a decision in their case. But his brother talked to her if she was willing to live with him. At that moment she replied positively but she wished his father would call her. But she waited for a week and that didn’t happen. The researcher asked if they had started relation as real life partners. D replied that she was only seventeen that time so she asked him to wait but the family didn’t make any restrictions. Somedays, her partner argued with her for the decisions made. But she was only thinking about her family. For all those days, she did the household works and the children was so friendly with her. She contacted her school friends and those nearest to her house to enquire about her family. They told her that they were about to shift to some other place. Immediately, D called her mother to know if the

39 information was right. There was no response from her mother for days. For the first time in her life, she missed her mother. After some days, her mother attended the call and asked her to wait till they shift. She told her to stay away from him and told her that they were trying to save her. Her mother apologized for her father’s action and told her it was to protect his ego. To save his face he had done that and then he was worried about his favorite daughter. D was happy to hear that and told her mother that she will wait. Her mother told that she would contact her whenever in need and she shouldn’t. D waited for a month following the instructions of her mother. Researcher enquired about how she spent her time there and she answered that she taught the two children and they were so friendly with her. When they left for school, she had done the household works and the whole family treated her well. Her partner also treated her with utmost care and searched for better opportunities too. She shared only to him about her parent’s plans and promised him that he would be accepted. She told him that he has to wait till she attains an engineering degree and he gets a better job. Her partner agreed with the same. “...after a month, my father called me and asked if I was okay. I replied that I missed them. He told me that they were shifting to another house which was nearly 5 kilometers away from the previous house. He invited me for the house warming. I was afraid and felt if my father gets ashamed in front of the relatives. But he gave me courage for being there. I asked about inviting my partner but he didn’t utter a word. So, I dropped the idea. Also, my partner told me that he won’t meet my father until he needs but allowed to go back to my house...” Only the close relatives were present for the house warming and they all asked D about her new life and wellbeing. Her father listened with much attention and it was obvious from his face that he didn’t want to lose her daughter again. She spent two days there and asked her father to contact him that she couldn’t live without him. D told her father that she wanted to join the engineering course in the College of Engineering and will not cause any trouble to him again. Then only, she will think about a life with her partner. Her father enquired about his family. D replied that his mother works at Gulf and they were planning to construct a house of their own. His father replied like the relation was not apt for their family and he told her about the previous proposal that they were ready to accept her. That was quite shocking and she tried in convincing her mother about her relation. But her mother only asked if they had sexual relationship. Her mother was happy to hear the ‘no’ from her. D realized that her parents would never approve their relation. She called him again and before his permission, she left her house without a word. The next entry to her partner’s house was not easy as before. D’s partner asked her about the incidents happened in her house. She told him everything and told him they want to marry soon. But, he was not ready for the same. He told her to wait till his mother arrives from Gulf. As D didn’t want to lose him, they had sexual relationship with precautions. She presented her dream of becoming an Engineer and her partner asked to keep calm till his problems get solved. “for six months I am living with him and the whole family treats me like his wife. I am happy here with his cousins. He tried for a better job and now he got one at Ernakulum. His mother would come after two months, then we may get married.

But he is not willing to get converted into a Muslim and even I am not. That’s only the confusion in getting married.’’ The researcher asked about her partner’s attitude towards her and D answered that he showed much care and love. But for some weeks, he was showing dissatisfaction with her. The researcher enquired if they had any quarrel but she replied that nothing happened between them. She constantly told him about her joining an engineering college and she would pay her fee through the tuition classes but he scolded her. Sometimes, he asked her to leave the house even and use her father’s money for her studies. D remains desperate about his attitude towards her and sometimes confused too as she has not done anything wrong.

4.5 Case study E (a) Personal details of E E is 23 years old and she has been cohabiting for three years. Her partner is a carpenter and do plumbing works as well. There are ten members in the family where she lives along with her three children. Their children are of ages 3,2 years and 5 months. The other members of the family are her partner, his mother and grandmother, his sister and her children. It is effortful to live in the housing they have. The researcher enquired more about it and E replied that their house is not durable and could be affected in strong winds and rain. Usually on rainy days the whole family would spent their nights in the store room and verandah of their nearby house. Both the houses are built in the same property. Also, they were living for rent in that house and the family does not possess property of their own anywhere. (b) Factors which led to Cohabitation Researcher asked about E’s family but she was not willing to reply for the question. “I don’t want to share the what I feel about my family with you. But if you could help me with what I’m going through, please do. I think it’s meaningless to dig one’s past and find solutions. I eloped with him around three years ago and that was the worst decision I have ever taken in my life. For all these three years I have never been into happiness. Taking care of my children and family remains the priority and there is no time left to pause and think” (c) Challenges faced while cohabiting Researcher asked about the other members of E’s family. She answered that they really like her and she took care of the whole family despite her health issues. His grandmother is in her late 70’s. She has diseases related to lungs and heart. With her pension she would buy her medicines and that’s not even enough. Her partner’s mother also had health issues relate to blood pressure and asthma. She could also buy her medicines with her pension. His sister is in the house for three months. E was not sure about her return to her husband’s house. Also, her sister-in-law’s husband filed divorce complaining she has mental disorders. As the situation became worse, his sister returned with her two children. The children are only six and four. E’s partner was taking care of them too. The researcher asked if his income was sufficient for the whole family. E cried for the question. She replied desperately that they couldn’t overcome the borders of poverty. She has not figured about her future and that of her children. E could not nurse her five-month old baby and making the conditions forlorn. E was worried about the underweight and malnutrition of her children. Researcher enquired if she didn’t take the requirements from nearby ICDS centre. E replied that the worker told her about the malnutrition of her children and gave the necessary powders and requirements. But the starvation remains. E complained that her partner was not considering her or the children. She frequently asked him about the money he make from the jobs he did and he

42 always replied that the shop which he was working for was in loss. So, the whole family lacked ‘profits’. The researcher raised the doubt about her partner’s attitude and E replied that she suspects him if he has any illicit affair. The researcher asked her if she got any clarification about it. She was sure about it as it commenced a year ago. Whenever she enquired on the same, he ignored the question and somedays, even beaten her which gave more surety to her about his relation. For a year, he was ignoring E and their children. He made phone calls at night and even at day times secretly. She checked his phone once and came to know that he made all the calls to an unsaved number. “..One day I heard him talking in phone and rushed to him. Without any rise in voice, I asked him about the calls he was making in secret. For many minutes, he remained speechless. I asked him to be serious about the endless problems in the family. Even I was tired arguing with him and decided to sort out things peacefully. That day, he left home and came back after two days. We were so worried that he didn’t left a message about the sudden disappear. I asked about his relation with the phone calls and told him that I was willing to leave him if wanted. He hugged me and cried. He showed the photo of that woman and her children. It was his friend’s wife and children. His friend met with an accident and passed away two years before. That was his best friend and he didn’t want to leave that family behind. The eldest daughter of his friend was preparing for her college and my partner was spending money for her education. I asked him about the need of helping his friends children when his own children were starving. For that he replied like that’s more important for him as his friend had helped him before umpteen times.” Many of the questions of E remain unanswered. But she trusted her partner and does not want to break up with him as he was the father of her three children. Even she got humiliated from him and the other family members as she became pregnant from him before they eloped. The whole mistake was laid upon her and she never had complained. After the first delivery, E became weak due to lack of nutrition and when she was carrying, she was not aware about the supplies in the ICDS centers for pregnant ladies. At the same time, her mother-in-law was diagnosed with very low blood pressure. So her in-law was not able to take care of her before and after the pregnancy. Along with the burden of whole family her partner showed his tension and anger in the work sites towards her. She decided to join tailoring classes and earn up a living but then she got pregnant again. Along with the lack of care and physical support, E decided to take care of herself. She enquired about the ICDS centre nearby and connected with the helper and worker about the worse conditions of her life. They helped and provided support. The second delivery and post-natal care was smooth comparing to the first one. From then E started noticing her partner’s phone calls and questioned him. After he opened up about the friendly relation with that family and his ‘hero’ role too, E suspected him. But she kept

43 that suspect as a secret. Two months before, E noticed a message from that woman in her partner’s phone. She opened the lock with the help of her nephew and found many pictures of her partner with that woman and her children with the background of parks and beaches. E amused that he had never taken her or their children anywhere. She realized that she has been cheated as her partner was good at fudging issues. He usually acted in romantic ways to save himself. E regrets that she didn’t realized it on time, but have faith that he would come back to her. The researcher inquired if she hadn’t told about his illicit affair to anyone. She decided to complain once and he got informed about it. He warned her he would commit suicide if she does so. E ignored it and filed a petition in police station. He was called and police warned him. He came back home and injured himself using stone in head and made his family believe that E was the liar. They trusted him first but her nephew told the whole family about the photos. Later, his mother cursed him and blamed him for considering family with ease. E also got health issues due to the lack of gap between pregnancies. Still she could not replenish the nutrients she had lost in the first pregnancy from the lack of gap. Researcher asked E if she knows about the ideal gap between pregnancies and if she used any contraceptive methods. She told that she was aware but her partner hates using contraceptive methods. He told her not to use any kind of methods as it would result in obesity or similar kind of diseases. E identified as there was no sufficient gap between the conceptions, children were born with underweight and lack of nutrition. E didn’t receive antenatal checkups and she was not prepared for the second and third babies. Some days of her first pregnancy, her partner took her to the nearby health centre and they had done the checkups. She got high blood pressure too during the second trimester. Similarly happened for the next two pregnancies but her partner didn’t accompany her to the health centre. When inquired about his lack of care, he told his busy time schedule of work and asked her if she didn’t know the way to the health center. Researcher asked if E was not wondered at the sudden change of her partner or it was expected. “I don’t want he to be changed...no one would like to get her partner behaves this way especially when she need care and protection. I was deeply hurt when he didn’t take care of me while I was carrying. He behaved like it was not his child. From the second time, I got the insight that he was losing the interest in me. I decided to stop carrying but during the third time, I asked him about using prevention methods. He argued and beaten me for that request. Also, he was drunken. He told his mother that I was only seeking my own pleasure and didn’t want to get pregnant from him. His mother took that discussion between us even to our neighbors and to another level. Whenever, I told his mother about the difficulties I faced during pregnancy, she shared her stories and told that it was all common during ‘that’ time. The researcher asked if she hasn’t any friends or family members to share her problems. “When his sister came home along with her children, I thought she would be a help in the household duties. But now it’s like I have to take care of her too along with my children. The only member in the family who shows some concern is his

44 grandmother. She would help me in kitchen and sometimes gave a share from her pension too. She often asks if any problem exists between us. I tried hiding from her but from the suicide attempt she came to know about her grandson’s illicit affair. I am confused. I don’t know what to do with his attitude. I have tried both the ways of love and hatred. Nothing has changed. He still shows the subtle attitude towards me. I wonder how he could show the same to his own blood too. And that woman, she is about ten years elder than him. I really want to go and meet her in person. I would request to leave my husband. I think that’s the only and safest option remaining. Why should I make my children orphan when their father is alive? It’s their right to have his love and time…”

CHAPTER 5 CASE ANALYSIS AND DISCUSSIONS

Contents 5. Data Analysis

5.1 Introduction

5.2 Personal data sheet

5.3 Discussions

5. DATA ANALYSIS 5.1 INTRODUCTION

Qualitative data analysis is the process in which we move from the raw data that have been collected as part of the research study and use it to provide explanations, understanding and interpretation of the phenomena, people and situation which we are studying. Thematic analysis emphasizes on pinpointing, examining and recording patters or themes within the data available.

5.2 Personal Data Sheet

Subthe Case Study Case Study Case Study Case Study Case Study E mes A B C D

Age 27 22 23 18 23

Religio SC SC Hindu Christian SC n/Caste

Occupa Saleswoman Mall Not Tailoring Not employed tion employee employed

Educati SSLC SSLC failed Drop Out Higher Secondary Not mentioned onal +Tailoring course Qualifi cation

Duratio 1 year 10 3 years 3 years 10 months 3 years n of months Cohabi tation

Localit Rural Rural Rural Rural Rural y

Econo BPL BPL BPL BPL BPL mic Status

Partner Mall employee Mall Sales man Not employed Daily wages ’s +fishing Employee Occupa tion

Age 21(married to 19 20 18 20 when another first) started cohabit ing

5.3 DISCUSSIONS The five cases which are considered for the analysis of effects of Cohabitation among the women are from the same region i.e. near to the coastal area of Kadinamkulam. The experiences of each of them differ in many ways but share common factors as well. They all are below the age of 30 and are living a life against the wish of their own family. They live in their partner’s family along with other family members. The study was to emphasis the factors which led them into Cohabitation, the challenges they faced and the psychological wellbeing. Factors which led to Cohabitation As factors which leaded to Cohabitation, mostly they had broken relations with their parents. For A, she had no ways of interaction with her father. But she was happy in her way of living with mother and siblings. While for B, she became alone after the death of her mother. The death of her mother shattered her life such that even her brother was not anxious about her but the property. C faced the lack of support from her family in terms of her dream and passions. Also, she got frustrated when her parents supported her other siblings for their ambitions. D got a life where parents were separated for years as her father was a gulf employee. She was not sure about the love of her father as he was only present at home for significant family occasions. E was not willing to share about her family as her thoughts were disintegrated because of the ignorance from her partner. Due to the absence of support systems from the family also the respondents chose a better life with their partners. A was married at the age of 21 and faced domestic violence and an attempt of sexual abuse from her brother-in-law which increased the insecurities in her husband’s house. The respondents received the needed care and attention from their partner and even from their families. Some got the approval for their dreams and passion from their partners rather than family members which also tend them for a cohabiting life. They got more attention than in the family. Also, the financial struggle led the way to new life. For B, she didn’t receive any financial support from her only brother after the death of their mother and the sudden disappearance of their father. For C , she didn’t want to leave to Surat and wanted to join the fashion designing course which her parents was against.

Challenges faced by Women while Cohabiting The challenges faced by the women while cohabiting varied according to the social background, way the partner treats etc. Attitude of partner’s family: As they lived along with the family of partner, the influence of family members especially the mother-in-laws interfered in the lives of the couples. They were mainly blamed for age and money. Mostly, they were treated like irresponsible children and the decisions were considered as impulsive too. For A, she was elder than her partner which was only reason for her mother-in-law to blame her. In most cases, some members seem to be supportive while others not. For D, all the family members supported her. Violence, Domestic Abuse and Substance Abuse: C faced violence and verbal abuse from father- in-law when he was drunken and also from her partner. A faced violence whenever her partner was drunken and acted like he suspects her. For E, she was forced for the intercourse many times. Her partner showed aggressive behavior and violence whenever she suspected him and talked about the extra affair he had. C was only aware about the drug addiction of her partner after she started living with him. This created irresponsibility as well. Extra Affairs: A’ s partner doubted her if she was having any extra affair while others except E does not have any doubt on their partners. E found photos and calls as evidence of her partner’s extra affair. She searched for the reason of his ignorance towards her and their children. When her partner came to know that she was aware about his relation, he told her the pathetic story of his best friend’s wife and children after the death of his friend. E believed at first but got confused about the reason for his ignorance towards her. Later, her nephew helped in finding the photos of her partner enjoying with the other woman and her children in park and beaches. When questioned, he made suicide attempt which restricted her from complaining again. Sexual relationship: For A, she is unhappy about not getting conceived from her partner, also she knew her partner was desperate in it. Even parents get involved in the privacy of the couples such that E was not able to talk about contraception with her partner. D decided to wait at first, but later agreed with the likes of her partner as she didn’t want to get him hurt or lose interest in her. Similarly, C also agreed for the sexual commitment. While, B got a better partner who respects all her interests but she faced an abortion which shattered her completely. B get through much abuse from her mother-in-law due to the abortion of her first child. Psychosocial Wellbeing of Cohabiting Women. Fear of breaking up: The issue was common among all the respondents as all of them suspected in one way or another if their partners would leave them. In the case of D and C, they believed that their partners may break up with them when they didn’t get sexually committed. So that even with disinterest they made up their mind. E raised her doubts about the future of her children too as her partner was serious about his extra affair. Support systems: A was happy in the company of her mother-in-law when her partner suspected her. Her sister was also another pillar of strength for A to look after her first child as well. She shared her anxieties and worries with them. For B, her partner supported in all of her crisis even

50 though the in-laws acted against her. C got her strength to open up her worries to the neighborhood women. She didn’t get an opportunity to share her worries to any other friends or family. From her neighbors only, C came to know about the drug addiction of her partner. Also her sister-in-law showed company with her for her sake. For D, her partner or her family members didn’t support her rather the family of her partner maintained good relation. She got the information about her family initially from her mother but later mother also opposed her as she didn’t respond to the alliance which they put forward. E was motivated by the ICDS worker and helper nearby especially at her pregnancy period. They supplied her with nutrients and the required cereals. Also, she got relief from her partner’s grandmother as words and financial support. Absence of an expected life: For all the respondents expected like every woman while they stepped into a new life. A picturized her lost fatherly love from her partner but he suspected her. But for her, mother-in-law was a comforter. For B, she got all the support from her partner but she was not satisfied with giving away all his salary for the life of his sister. B wanted to save it for them. Also her partner gave more priority to them even though he loved B more. C got the most unexpected way of life. Her partner doesn’t show responsibility in family or upon her. Also, she was forced to visit temple with her in-laws. She expected her partner to oppose that but he didn’t. Without any concern for her, he continued his ways of substance abuse. She never thought of ending up her designer dream in tailoring. D stick on to her dreams after commitment but that didn’t last for so long. She earned through tuition classes. Also, she was longing to get married but partner was not ready as he needed his mother’s permission. E has concerns about her three children who have been constantly ignored by their father. She worried if she could give them a better future. Concerns about children: C and D don’t have children. A and her partner desire for a child but they didn’t have any. B is in her pregnancy but was desperate initially when she lost her first child. E has concerns about her children as her partner didn’t show any love or affection to them. Her children were born with underweight and lack of nutrition. She is anxious about their health and education. These are the major discussions on the taken cases.

Factors leading to Cohabitation Subthemes Case A Case B Case C Case D Case E Relationship A have Six Happy with Faced lack of D was more Not willing to with Family siblings and her family. support from familiar with share about parents. Elder brother family in her mother own family. No relation got married ambitions and than father. with the and shifted passion. Not much father, Had an when her Only elder care and . abusive mother was brother attention marriage diagnosed supported her from family. relation for with cancer, dreams. Realized the five years , after mother’s C was love of father faced sexual death father frustrated after the abuse from also left when her cohabitation brother-in- home. parents life. law. Suspected supported the Lacked about the care wish of her support from shown by siblings but family for brother was not her. education. only for property. Felt like no one in her family was anxious about her life. Support No support Her partner Her elder No support No help from Systems from the supported her brother from own any of the family as the when she supported her family in family marriage was unexpectedly passion but terms of members in without their lost her asked her to studies. terms of concern, lack parents. finish Got support emotional of support Expected care tailoring. from her support or from from her Her partner partner and financially husband’s brother and supported her his family family , father but dreams and treated her current they chose passion. After like his wife. partner their life. cohabitation, consoled and Lack of a mother-in- supported. mother’s love law also and care. promised to protect her interests. Achieving Faced Lack of Wished to Wished to Wished to dreams or domestic income for become a become an join the Freedom violence from her own, fashion Engineer and tailoring class

husbands brother and designer, planned to but didn’t family, Could sister-in-law Hopes that complete happen not earn compelled for partner studies because of ,treated like doing things. support her through pregnancy. servant in wishes. tuition husband’s classes. house

Challenges faced while Cohabiting

Subthemes Case A Case B Case C Case D Case E Attitude of Partner’s B was 17 Partner’s Partner lived Partner’s partner’s mother was while eloped. mother with his grandmother family not His mother supported mother’s is the pillar of supportive blamed for well but sister and her strength. initially, impulsive didn’t allow family. Other blamed as A decisions, she for sexual They treated members was elder constantly relationship. her as his behave than her asked for His father wife and according to partner. money. All always allowed the the situation. His elder the source of blamed the cohabitation They all brother is income from relation and without any believe her supportive. her partner considered it restriction. partner more. and her was as an The members Nephew added to his impulsive were much helped E to sister’s decision. welcoming. find the extra dowry. Younger affair of her Blamed as sister was partner. curse for the friendly with family as first C. child got aborted. Domestic Facing No Shocked Partner E was forced abuse/ violence with the reacted for the third Violence when partner attitude of aggressively conception. suspects her. partner’s after her Faced father when second return violence and drunken. to his home. suicidal The family attempt from witness her partner violence when petition whenever he was filed for was drunken.

Verbal abuse the extra affair. Substance Uses income No Both the No Alcoholic abuse for drinking partner and often. with friends, his father are peer pressure alcohol for partner. addicts. C was deceived that her partner was a drug- addict too.

Illicit affairs A has no No No No Yes. of Partner suspect on Her partner him. has an affair with the wife of his late friend. Sexual Into sexual Into sexual Into sexual Into sexual Into sexual Relationship relation but relation and relation. relation after relation but not conceived she returned has no idea conceived. now. to his house about the second time. contraceptive Took methods. precautions as she didn’t want to get pregnant before marriage and completing her studies.

Psychosocial Wellbeing of the Cohabiting Women

Subthemes Case A Case B Case C Case D Case E Fear of A was Mother-in- C feared if her D fears in the E fear of breakup suspected law suspects partner would attitude break up and with her her and told break up with change of her doubts about partner’s her partner her as they partner after the future of elder brother, but he has didn’t have they became her three partner not believed sexual relation sexually children. arguing it. for long. committed.

when Without the Her partner Also, her drunken that consent of his make use of partner he doesn’t mother, they the showed need the started to live opportunity more affect- relation. together. that she has tion to his But then taken nowhere else friend’s wife decision to to go. increased break up with probabilities. him if her parents welcome her wholeheartedly. Believes that her partner deceived her Support Partners Her partner Mother –in-law Only his Partner’s system mother is the support and the younger family grandmother supports in system that sister supported members is a support crisis, her they both at first. support her in financial sister also trusts each Sister-in-law now. crisis. provide other supported as Even her The worker moral she needs her parents and helper of support and phone in return. avoided her nearby ICDS look after her Support from completely centre also first son. church mate. as she helped Desperate about opposed the during the lack of alliance. pregnancy. support from her mother or other family members.

Neighborhood women from tailoring units also supported her. Absence of an Expected a Initially, not Absence of She really E shared expected life caring allowed to steps to her wanted to about the ‘father’ like live together passion. take an dearth of figure in by his Lack of engineering happiness in partner. mother, her responsibility degree and her life after Never partner from partner. her partner is getting into thought that values the The situation of not the her partner interests and domestic- cooperating cohabitation happiness of violence in to it. life.

would his sister family was Also, he She expects suspect her. than her. unexpected. doesn’t want at least her Her partner Want to live Belief systems to get partner is desperate with her were not married till would take as she partner in supported and his mother care of their doesn’t get another even compelled comes. children. conceived house. to follow Spending from him. Not able to another time doing save money religion. household for them. jobs and taking tuition classes. Concerns Missing her Depressed No children No children. Children about children first child, when first were born worries if he child got with was okay at aborted. malnutrition her sister, B went and fears about through deep underweight. acceptance mental They lack by her son. pressure. the care and Has worries Conceived love rom that she again and father as cannot dreams well. conceive revolves the E is worried from her baby. about their current health and partner. future.

CHAPTER 6

FINDINGS, SUGGESTIONS AND CONCLUSION

CONTENTS

6. Discussions and Findings

(a) The factors which led to Cohabitation.

(b) The challenges faced while Cohabiting.

6.1 Suggestions

6.2 Conclusion

6. DISCUSSIONS AND FINDINGS

Life of Cohabiting Women at Kadinamkulam Each of the cohabiting women in Kadinamkulam has varying stories but certain elements are same. The tradition of cohabitation still persists in the area and it happens between unmarried, married, middle-aged etc. As the relationships are hiking day by day, the couples are not concerned about the ties of marriage or the marriage certificate. Some of them had got a ring or chain in front of the temple and that’s more than enough for them. Many of the women eloped with the neighboring ones or with relatives itself. Also, age is not considered as barrier. Some shared the same roof before they matured i.e. before they completed eighteen. The family of the male partner would be always taking care and only after they both attain maturity they would allowed to live together. Many are living together after broken married relations as well. Often, their broken life made them to shift towards living together relations as they lost the belief in ties. The factors which led to Cohabitation varies. Mostly, the lack of support from their family is the significant reason. Some has lost it before they had committed in cohabitation. Most of them are from broken families and some have eloped even from previous relationships. They faced ignorance from the siblings after the death of parents and experienced the unwanted feeling in own houses. Also, each one of them had deep routed passions about life and what they wanted to be. But those desires were not helped. These happened mainly to the women who is still on their teens and they lacked people in their life who could actually help or listen them. Many found a good friendship and an openness in all those relations so they are happy being with those guys even without marriage. Another point, for most of the male partners, their family histories shows a pattern of cohabitation. For many, their parents are not married and for those married, there existed many issues related to illicit relation as well. The reason led to the convenience of the female partner also. Another factor is the lack of education. There are dropouts and those who end up with their secondary and higher secondary education. They do think a marriage certificate is necessary to live together. They would talk about the law that in India, for those completed 18 years can live together even if they are not married. The challenges depend on the social-economic background in which each of them were raised. As most are engaged in inter-caste relations, they face challenges in the religious viewpoints. Some were forced to change the religious concepts. Another issue is related with the age. In most cases, both the couples share same age and some of them are in the late teens. This create an issue of maturity. Male partners do not search for a better job or have the thought that his partner is his priority. While, female partners are more mature in the relations and expect more as they left their whole family for ‘his’ love and support. Most significantly, there exists trust issues. Each of the partners has worries if the other one is engaged with someone else. Because, most of the people who have been residing there are into cohabitation and some are living as single parents as one of the partners left. As they are not married, they cannot force anyone to live with them. So they face challenges in raising children. There exist domestic abuse and dowry issues too just like in marriages. Women has to live according to the favor of her partner’s parents and sometimes could

59 not even open up about her dreams and desires. She could not aim for more if she doesn’t have a job too. Most of them live in deep regret and some are satisfied too. There is a mixed response in how they feel their cohabiting life based on the reaction they formed through their lifetime experiences. Each of them consider life in different ways. For those who have regrets for breaking their parents trust, they owe up the responsibility. They regret for the impulsive actions they took in life which has separated them from their family members and friends. They were worried about their parents and the need of care and protection were visible from the words. Also, they were ignored in the other families as if they don’t have much role in those families.

(a) The factors which led the women into Cohabitation. The researcher could observe and analyse the factors which led the womenfolk at Kadinamkulam into Cohabitation. Women who are into cohabitation are from diverse life situations and background which binds them together to relate themselves with the life. They have had bitter experiences in their past relationships such as neglect, abusive marriage or lack of commitment between parents. They tend to trust more and form a good relationship internally. They will be finding it difficult to trust people due to many factors. Their past life trauma and abusive relationships from their past life could be the major reason among this. They feel drastic changes in the environment and will find it difficult to trust people life they used to trust their ‘new family’. Most of them had bitter experiences from their parents and siblings. The feeling of loneliness led them to those relations. The complex nature of parents with regard to the caste and family background also tend the women to cohabitation. They show interest as well as enthusiasm in getting into a married life and for leading a life outside their families with a thought line of getting acceptance. They show traits for trusting people and are much faster in making companions, than those with their own family. Their social relations are restricted to their partners’ families alone. Many find it difficult to establish good acquaintance outside their families due to poor socialisation. Due to the lack in socialisation, mostly they are not aware about the pros and cons of the relations and acted impulsively. In most of the families of the male partner, his parents also remained unmarried which created a belief that two people can be together even without ties of marriage. The caste or education or family doesn’t matter and only the love relation and mutual understanding matters. Such kind of statements from the parents also led their children to be in the cohabitation relation. They doesn’t believe in the relation between commitment and marriage. Some remain in the relation with an intention of getting married too. As they require the consent of both families and better jobs, they are waiting. But, some women doubt if it is because of the doubts the partner have on her.

(b) The challenges faced by women while Cohabiting. The main challenge was the life after cohabitation was not as expected as they faced ignorance from the family members. Most of them lost the connection with their parents and family and some were not even called or addressed. They were treated as strangers as they left home against the will of their closed ones. As they began facing difficulties from their partner and his family members, some have regrets and wanted to go back. They are regretting for the impulsive action and feel like they are helpless in the situation. Most of the respondents are still in their late teenage and the urge for the helping and caring hands is the need of the hour. They have thoughts of nobody cares about them or bothers. Like every woman, they dreamt of having their mother during hardships. Also, during the period of pregnancy, one of the respondent tried to connect with her mother but that wish still remains as a dream. Most of the parents are not willing to connect with them as they remain in the living together relationships. Some of them compelled them to get married as they believe that living together without marriage is a sin. The respondents didn’t want to get married and they believe that marriage is complicated from their past experiences and from the families of their male partner.

Another challenge is the lack of support from the male partners’ family. Even though they are not married, just like in every married relationship, mother-in-laws causes troubles regarding dowry, job etc. The respondents are living according to likes and dislikes of the family and her future depends on the same. The passion or her needs were not identified and they struggle doing the household jobs. The respondents got struck with the fear that their existence in his house. Sometimes, they have to took care of the family and most of them have more than five members. The majority of the respondents are working, so they have to tackle both the house and working spaces. Also, they have to adjust with the problems in his house related to substance abuse, domestic violence between his parents etc. Most of the parents of the male partners are also not married and that too created confusions as the respondents came to know about after living together. One of the respondent who was the daughter of a Pastor faced difficulty in following her beliefs. Before getting committed, she was promised that her believes would be protected but along with many other promises, that too was broken. Even, she was forced to follow the family’s religious concepts. She is afraid to speak up for her beliefs and worried as her partner ignores the promise made. Among the restrictions made by the mother-in-laws, some partners were not allowed to live together. Age, lack of a proper job, financial reasons etc. were the reasons for which they could not enter into a sexual relationship. The respondents left their home and close ones to live with the love of their lives. Mostly, they broke the restrictions and lived together without the consent of in- laws. Some in-laws found this when they became pregnant and the women had suffered for the same as well. They received the blame of getting committed and pregnant. They heard the complaints from the in-laws like their ‘sons’ were perfect before they got committed with the respondents. They were treated as the reason for the substance abuse and violence in the house. It

62 was surprising that in some families they were denounced about having illicit relations. Then also, the respondents survived in the house as their partners have trusted them. In contrary, when partner was in doubt in the case of A, his mother tried to understand A and gave her moral support. Rarely, in-laws supported them. Some sister-in-laws used them for their selfish needs too. Case C struggled as the needs raised by her sister-in-law could not be revealed to anyone, even to her parents. For B, she was not accepted in the family as she miscarried first which was too unbearable for her. Majority of the respondents are not enjoying their life as it does not move as expected. They shared that even if they face hardships from the in-laws or financially, if partners provide support for them, that’s worth and life would get balanced. It is painful that they are breaking the promises one by one and also getting addicted to alcohol and drugs. C came to know about it only after they lived together. Some even had illicit affairs. They cannot question as they would reply in return about the lacking ‘marital’ responsibilities. The sole reason for the unbroken relations are either children or lack of place to leave. Many are caught by the insecure feeling from their partner and his family. Thus creating a feeling of loneliness in their life. They are being desolated in the partners’ houses. The realization that they stepped into toxic relations made them the victims of dominance and self-centeredness. As for D, her partner is not sure about having the relation and now she has to face the mocking from the society and from her family members too. D worries about her parents as well as the younger sister and her future. Some desired for an alteration for life and decided to pursue the studies or work they had committed, but there also either the family or infants built barriers. The postpartum changes are not considered and they lack good nutrition and rest. Also in the case of E, adequate pregnancy gap was not given which made her physically weak. She had the postpartum infection in the urinary bladder and still suffers the pain. If the spacing between pregnancies are too close, low birth weight and malnutrition may occur in the neonates. For the case of E, her child has underweight. For B, she faced an abortion and it became too challenging when her mother-in-law started blaming her for the same. From her in-law, B believed that it’s her fault too which affected her mental health.

(c) The psychological aspects of the women community while being cohabited. The women who had left their home and belongings for the sake of love and life from one person constantly expected the same. They were into the protection from them and believed that their partners could provide the mental support in all phases of life. For living a life of freedom, most of them left their parents. The respondents found the home of shelter, love, care and moral support in their partners. But later, for three of them the life was not as expected and made them to regret on the impulsive action they have done. Firstly, they have left home with the hope of getting married which didn’t happen due to various reasons. Being isolated in the partner’s family and treated unlike a family member created much stress in them. They believe that only after marriage, another woman may get respect in her husband’s family. The condition also paves the way to insecurities especially from other family members. Most of them doesn’t have a job or any other income source or financial support from their family, which also paved way for hatred in the in-laws. Along with the isolation in home, most of them could not interact with the neighbors as well because of the difficulty in staying the home without getting married. The thought like what would others think restricted them from talking to others. Some male partners suspect the women after some months of cohabitation. He had such kind of a skeptic attitude as they are not legally married and the fear that she would leave him. On the other hand, some male partners found the cohabitation relationship as a license to live a life of their own without considering anyone’s sake. For a respondent, her partner again started using drugs because of the doubts he had on her. The respondents consider the issues of substance abuse in a way that they were deceived by their own partners. They could not handle the violence arising from addiction because of lack of proper awareness and moral support. Majority of the respondents stay at their partner’s home to protect the interests of her partner and his family. Also, the reason that she has nowhere else to go, being abandoned by her parents itself force them to live the chosen life. The intimate talks are missed from the partner. For the respondents, after they left home believed their partner more than anyone in the world. In many occasions, the trust was broken in terms of other affairs, drugs, lack of space, financial crisis etc. The most desperate condition would occur if the partner ignores the other. The women faced privacy issues while talking with their partner and aroused communication gaps. The interference of other family members in their issues created more complex problems often. Lack of sex education and orientation made the generation believe that being in a relationship is only meant for sex rather than any other commitment. This was against the expectations of women while they get into the relation and most of them have any role in deciding the number of children. The lack of proper contraception increased the number of members in a family which can be an addition to financial crisis the families face. Also, the lack in pregnancy gap created health issues in both mother and child. Children were born with underweight and malnutrition due to lactation issues. As the partner doesn’t show any kind of interest in the children affected the mental health of mother as well. She has doubts if the hatred towards her may turn like the ignorance towards her children. One of the respondent faced the challenge of Abortion and became a trauma as she lacked coping strategies and support systems. The situation created loneliness and the feeling of

64 lack of shelter in the respondent. She also feared if her partner would ignore her. The respondents who didn’t get conceived doubt if their partners would leave them. Some faced abuse as their partners were drug addicts. The addictions resulted in lack of responsibility towards the family. They got the feeling of deceived as they didn’t know about the abuse or rehabilitation period before getting committed. The difficulty was more for the woman who has not experienced the after effects of drugs among their family or friends. The reason for they could not complain as they receive a question back as they were not legally married. The thought that she has no right over him prevents them from arguing and also the fear if the partner may leave them behind. The questions from society also induced struggles as it was not widely accepted form of relationship mainly in rural areas. Most of them depended on any of their friends or own family members for better coping strategies. They were not able to find intimacy in their in-laws too. They were scolded for adding more financial struggle to the family even though they earned for the family.

6.1Suggestions • The options for education and skill development are very less in the coastal regions of Trivandrum district. They consider marriage as one of the option to live together. The need for proper registration and marriage certificates are only second choices for them. • The upcoming generation in these areas are not aware about marital counseling or responsibilities in a married life. The main reason could be the lack of responsibility from the part of parents itself. For the men raised in the families where their parents also cohabited, it’s just like the history is repeating. Counseling and Proper awareness about marital life, the pros and cons should have explained to the newer generations would tackle the problem to an extent. • Availing basic educational facilities to both men and women itself could make them more responsible. It would also help them to build a better relationship status. • There is no guidance in sex education and the use of contraceptive methods. Some of the respondents have no choice in choosing the time for getting conceived. The Health centers could work upon these issues. With the help of resource persons, guidance could be given to the women. • Many are affected with the substance abuse and illicit affairs of their partner. They are afraid to question them just because of the feeling they are not married. Some lives in the fear of breakup too even after having children. So, the condition is going through the struggles without any freedom upon the other. The interest in partner also decreased day by day especially after having sex with partner. The lack of commitment after some months also shows the negative side of cohabitation. The situation can be only cured if the women talk with their partners freely or if parents took initiative on them. • For many parents due to the caste issues and ego concerns, they opposed the marriages rather than making their children aware about the responsibilities of living together. But some couple are ready to get married but the attitude of parents made the situation worse in many cases. 65

• Some parents sent their girl children to hostels from their childhood to avoid false relations from them. They want to provide better educational opportunities and was sure that it would not happen if they remain in that area. The locality itself got the name as most of the couples are cohabiting them. Only government could take any action upon the situation that as per the legal provisions, all the citizens could live together from 18 years. But making them responsible to live together without the support of parents is the task for government 6.2 Conclusion The study attempts to describe the nuances of the Post-Cohabitation Life of the womenfolk in the Kadinamkulam Panchayat of Trivandrum district: Kerala, their social and family relationships along with the support systems and coping strategies adopted by the women when they face challenges. Five women who were into cohabitation were interviewed and the conversation the researcher had with the ICDS workers and helpers in the area along with the richer experiences received through observation, are used to process and analyse the change in life pattern of the women while cohabiting. The interview was in-depth and could maintain justice towards the real life scenarios of the respondents. The process of data analysis gave birth to numerous subthemes from the data collected and used it to explain the facts conveyed by the cohabiting women. Five of the interviewees are different from each other in many aspects and as far as a qualitative study is concerned the differences within the information collected would produce richer and diverse results and findings. The diversity of the people living from the same background comes from their family. The respondents get themselves into living together relationships in different ages as a result of getting abandoned, orphaned by parent’s death, exploited by relatives etc. The similarities lie in their socio-economic background being unstable and weak. The respondents are exposed to many positives as well as negative effects of cohabitation. Apart from the conventional method of getting reared in a family with the love and care of one’s own parents, getting educated, employed and married, these girls eloped from their families in one way or other due to the perpetuating factors like due to death of parents, lack of acceptance from family members, vulnerable social environment etc. Alongside, they will be denied of the essential support and care that is mandatory for a stability of both psychological as well as emotional development as a woman. This acts along with the situations and background which led them to cohabitation. Being isolated in the partner’s family the younger girls are getting exposed to further more problems from the new environment. Their attitude changes according to their new social environment, which forms a basement or perception about the concept of marriage, with which some of them became tired for being a part of another family through the process of cohabitation. The respondents reached a conclusion in the relation with regard to the family situations and concerns of their partners about them. Some felt like an extensive enquiry was required before they left their homes. Even they lived together through the bounded love, the girls still faced difficulties as they lived with the families of their partner. This directly points to the challenges faced by couples due to illicit affairs, lack of freedom, financial crisis, responsibilities of family etc. The present study has performed an intensive analysis of the social and family relationships along with the challenges faced by them after their cohabitation. Alongside the coping strategies

66 used by the respondents and the support system that help over their problems are observed keenly. On the light of these factors, the lack of consent from parents and the absence of the ‘ties of marriage’ on the women was found to create problems due to their inability to adjust the familial environment. By considering the counter side, the girls are undergoing great discrimination from their in-laws as well as the society due to the stigma related with cohabitation in the society. Lack of awareness about reproductive health in the generation would bring in change not only within their family life and relation but also among the society that relationships are only meant for sexual commitment. The elopement from responsibilities created problems always.

CHAPTER 7

BIBLIOGRAPHY AND APPENDIX

7. 1 References

1. G. (2012). The Marriage Problem: Why Many Are Choosing Cohabitation Instead. The Atlantic, 10. Retrieved February 13, 2020, from https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/02/the-marriage-problem-why-many- are-choosing-cohabitation-instead/252505/

2. Bryman, A. (2012). Social Research Methods. New York: Oxford University.

3. Galena K Rhoades, H. J. (2009). Couples' Reasons for Cohabitation Associations with Individual Well-Being and Relationship Quality. Journal of Family Issues, 233-258. Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/26814036_Couples'_Reasons_for_Cohabitation _Associations_With_Individual_Well-Being_and_Relationship_Quality

4. Galena K. Rhoades, S. M. (2017). The Pre-Engagement Cohabitation Effect: A Replication and Extension of Previous Findings. J Fam Psychol, 52. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5956907/#idm140659329992752title.

5. Hedel, K. V. (2018). Cohabitation and mental health: Is psychotropic medication use more common in cohabitation than marriage? SSM-Population Health, 4, 244-253. Retrieved from https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmph.2018.01.001.

6. Megan M. Sweeney; Teresa Castro-Martin; Melinda Mills (2015). "The reproductive context of cohabitation in comparative perspective: Contraceptive use in the United States, Spain, and France" (PDF). Demographic Research. 32: 147–182. doi:10.4054/DemRes.2015.32.5

7. Newcomb, M. D. (1986). Cohabitation, Marriage and Divorce among Adolescents and Young Adults. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 3(4), 473–494. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407586034005.

8. Ubesekera, D. and Jiaojiang, L., 2010. Marriage and Family Life Satisfaction: A Literature Review. Sabaragamuwa University Journal, 8(1), pp.1–17. DOI: http://doi.org/10.4038/suslj.v8i1.1847. 9. (2015). Shodhganga, Retrieved February 12, 2020, fromhttp://shodhganga.inflibnet.ac.in/bitstream/10603/28359/5/06_chapter%202.pdf

7.2 Appendix Tool for Data Collection Research Tool As this is a qualitative research the researcher decided to conduct semi structured in-depth interview using an interview guide. The researcher requires qualitative datum about the past life, post cohabitation life, support systems, coping strategies and challenges faced by the cohabiting women in the coastal areas of Kadinamkulam. The study strongly depends on the intense understanding about the difficulties faced by the women as a result of being cohabited. The interview would be done on the basis of specific research questions on the areas of the family relationships, social relations, challenges, coping strategies and support systems that revolve around the lives of the women and how the study contributes to the change in scenario.

Research Questions

General Research Question What are the effects of Cohabitation among the Women of Kadinamkulam Gram Panchayat? Specific Research Question What are the factors which led the women into cohabitation? What are the challenges faced by cohabiting women? What are the psychological aspects of the women community while being cohabited?

Personal Data Sheet 1. Age 2. Religion/ caste 3. Occupation 4. Educational Qualification 5. No. of Children 6. Age of Children 7. Staying with own parents/ husband/ in-laws 8. Type of Cohabitation: 9. Place of Stay: Rural/Urban 10. Duration of Cohabitation: 11. Year of getting cohabited: 12. Partner Life before Cohabitation 1. At what age did you planned for Cohabitation Age, Memories, Parents, Siblings and Education Relationship with Parents Aspiration, Ambition Occupation, Social Background, Economical Factors Factors leading to Cohabitation 2. How do you think your life changed after Cohabitation? o Education, Career and Family Relationships 3. What changed the day you left your home? (Reason behind leaving the home) 4. Have you ever felt any disappointment in your life because of being cohabited? 5. Which phase of your life you see as the happiest period? 6. Factors that made you happy and sad in the partner’s family? 7. How do you explain your relationship with the in-laws? (comfort level, family aspect) Social Relations

1. Do you ever feel lonely? (because of the absence of parents) 2. How do you define your friendships? (Close friends, Quality of friendship, how you value them) 3. Do you have any close friends or family members to listen and to talk to? Do you share your feelings with your friends or family members and do they do the same? 4. Do you help your friends in their hard times? Do they share concerns about their lives with you? 5. Do you think your friends have a better understanding of your emotions? (their response) 6. Have you ever wanted to change the way people see you? (ever been discriminated) 7. If you were given a chance to change something in other people what would it be? (To know what is lacking in other’s attitude to you) 8. What do you think should be the best character to be a best partner? 9. How do you define your comfort level with the people outside your family? 10. What kind of people are you most comfortable with? 11. How do you find solution for an issue with your friends? 12. Relationship with your own family after cohabitation?

Family Relationships 1. What was your response towards the proposal of living together? 2. Will you agree if I say that you were accepted by everyone in the family of your partner after cohabitation? 3. What makes you happy about your cohabiting life? 4. What were your expectations about cohabitation and life with your partner ?(personality, economic, to what extend your expectations met reality) 5. Have you ever wanted to change anything about your cohabiting life? 6. How do you see yourself as a partner? 7. Do you have children? If yes, what all do you want to change in their lives when you compare it with yours? 8. What are your major concerns about your children? (present and future oriented) 9. Have you ever been treated differently inside your partner’s family? (positive and negative) 10. Do you have a proximate family member whom you can rely upon everything? 11. Are you been treated as an equal partner by your cohabiting partner?

What are the challenges faced by the women while cohabiting? 1. How do you view your transition from your home to a new family? Psychological wellbeing 1. What were the elements that supported you in the course of your life in and after Cohabitation? 2. Have you received any kind of pre-marital counselling or preparatory measures (contraceptive methods) ever in life? 1. Do you often contact your family for help? Get together? Seek help? 2. Who do you rely upon in case of any cohabiting difficulties?