ABSTRACT

THE LIBERATION WILL BE TELEVISED: PERFORMANCE AS LIBERATORY PRACTICE

by Kelcey Anyá Broomfield

Performance and even vulnerability are not inherently liberatory or revolutionary, however when we set this intention, we produce a product and a framework that seeks to liberate not only self, but others. As one young woman attempts to make sense of the world by first making sense of herself, “The Liberation Will Be Televised: Performance as Liberatory Practice” explores the process of producing a product in search of collective liberation through performance. Following in the footsteps of many Black feminist theorists, the curation of this portfolio invokes a Narrative approach, taking the reader on a journey of liberatory practice.

THE LIBERATION WILL BE TELEVISED: PERFORMANCE AS LIBERATORY PRACTICE

A Thesis

Submitted to the

Faculty of Miami University

in partial fulfillment of

the requirements for the degree of

Master of Arts

by

Kelcey Anyá Broomfield

Miami University

Oxford, Ohio

2019

Co-Advisor: Dr. Denise Taliaferro Baszile

Co-Advisor: Julia Guichard

Reader: Dr. Gwendolyn Etter Lewis

©2019 Kelcey Anyá Broomfield

This Thesis titled

THE LIBERATION WILL BE TELEVISED: PERFORMANCE AS LIBERATORY PRACTICE

by

Kelcey Anyá Broomfield

has been approved for publication by

The College of Creative Arts

and

Department of Theatre

______Dr. Denise Taliaferro Baszile

______Julia Guichard

______Dr. Gwendolyn Etter Lewis

Table of Contents

Dedication………………………………………………………….…….………..iv

Acknowledgements…………………………………………….……….………....v

My Journey Towards Liberation; Framing Essay……………….………...………1

Finding Black Feminism …………………….……………….……..……..3

Inspirations……………………………………………….………..……….5

Creating……………………………………….………………………....….8

Playwriting……………………………………….…………………….….23

Designing………………………………………………………………….25

Performing…………………………………………………………...……27

Being…………………………………………………………………...….30

Becoming……………………………………………………………….…33

Conclusion……………………………………….…………………….….37

Script……………………………………………………………………..……….38

Media……………………………………………………………………………..55

Cut Scenes……………………………………………………………...……..…..56

Testimonials…………………………………………………….……………..….57

Telling Our Own Stories: Exploring the Self-definition and Self-valuation of

Black Female Characters in Performance through Narrative……………...……..59

D.I.V.A. Institute…………………………………………………………………71 Annotated Bibliography…………………………………………………………. 73

iii

Dedication

To my great grandmother, who was the granddaughter of a slave, who worked as “the help” and died with only an 8th grade education, unable to read.

To my grandmother who was forced to take a bus 45 minutes away to the ‘colored school’, who had to wait until all five of her grandchildren were born before receiving her Bachelor’s degree.

To my mother who taught me to never give up no matter who hard things get, who instilled the importance of education and to never let anything get in the way of my education. With two kids in tow, you showed me how to get it done!

I dedicate my thesis to you three, who raised the badass feminist that I am today. I wouldn’t be who I am or where I am today, without you and what you have done for our family.

I truly am my ancestors’ wildest dreams.

iv

Acknowledgements

Glory and thanks be to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for guiding me every step of this journey.

I would be remised if I didn’t first acknowledge my mentor and friend, Torie Wiggins for the time she selflessly put in being director, dramaturg, counselor, cheerleader and anything else that I needed her to be over the past two years. I couldn’t possibly begin to thank you enough.

To my committee members Dr. Denise Taliaferro Baszile, Julia Guichard and Dr. Gwendolyn Etter Lewis, thank you for your time and assistance on this journey.

To my production team; Ashley Dunn (stage manager) for jumping at the opportunity to help me without so much as a second thought, to Emma Wott (lighting designer) for not only design amazing lights, but also being the first designer to get the lights to work in that space in two years, to Holly West (sound designer) for the awesome work you put in to bring the atmosphere to life and to Yodit Gebreab and Anyssa Selkirk (production crew) two amazing friends who cheered me, gave great pep talks and who took the time out without question to put on an amazing production. Out of the Box wouldn’t exist off the page without each of you. THANK YOU!!

To #GirlGrads2k19, Stormi, Rachel, Kelley and Mackenzie: Wow! What a wild ride we endured together. This was one crazy roller coaster of a two years, but I truly would not have wanted to ride it out with anyone else. You girls have taught me so much and I can only hope that I have imparted the same.

To my tribe. To the Black women who actively stood in my corner and reminded me that we get it done, no matter what, THANK YOU! When I thought I wouldn’t make it, it was each of you who lifted my head, held my arms up, prayed for and encouraged me. There are too many to name, but I am thankful your shoulders to stand on. Thank you for reminding me daily of who I am and whose I am!

Lastly, to my parents who instilled in me that I could do anything I put my mind to and to never give up; this is for you!

v

My Journey Towards Liberation “Significantly, she had to imagine herself in the space of childhood, to look again from that perspective, to remember "crucial information, answers to questions which had gone unanswered throughout [her] study of philosophy and psychoanalysis."' When our lived experience of theorizing is fundamentally linked to processes of self-recovery, of collective liberation, no gap exists between theory and practice. Indeed, what such experience makes more evident is the bond between the two-that ultimately reciprocal process wherein one enables the other.” – bell hooks “Theory as Liberatory Practice”1

It is important for me to begin this creative portfolio by welcoming you on my personal journey towards liberation. It is a journey and like most journeys, things aren’t always linear. Sometimes we take a few steps forward, a few backwards and at times we spin around in a circle not knowing which way to go. As I began this project, I did so with two hopes in mind; 1) to make sense of myself and what I was feeling and 2) inspire others to do the same. While I had no idea how the final product would unfold, I was motivated throughout by these two key hopes. In the Spring of 2019, I was introduced to bell hooks’ Theory as Liberatory Practice. I read the article and cried. I cried because I felt seen, I cried because I finally felt understood. I had spent the better part of my graduate experience feeling misunderstood and either invisible or visible for all the wrong reasons. I had to try to make sense of all that I was experiencing and if possible, begin to shift its impact on me. Like hooks, I came to theory through pain. I was hurting and it was a deeply rooted pain. It was a pain stemming from years of neglecting childhood traumatic experiences. It was a pain stemming from trying to remain in boxes I had completely outgrown. It was a pain stemming from not allowing myself to live truthfully and holistically. The creation of this project wasn’t motivated by school nor the desire to graduate but was motivated by a need for liberation. I was tired of feeling how I felt. In an effort to make sense of where I was, I followed hooks’ lead, “imagine [myself] in the space of childhood, to look again from that perspective, to remember ‘crucial information, answers to questions which had gone unanswered’.” How did I get here? The answer was in my childhood. Thus, began the birthing process of Out of the Box. How could I explore my childhood through performance? How could I share my journey to this current moment in time in a way that allows others in on it? The answer for me was to write it in a play and perform it. The writing process would be cathartic for

1 hooks, bell “Theory as Liberatory Practice,” Yale Journal of Law & Feminism: Vol. 4. Issue 1, Article 2. http://digitalcommons.law.yale.edu/yjlf/vol4/iss1/2 1 me, allowing me the time to process my experiences and the performance would allow me to invite others in. That was how I was going to tackle my hopes of making sense of myself and encouraging others to do the same while still moving towards graduation. A win all the way around. It sounded simple enough, yet little did I know how much work, emotionally, mentally and spiritually, I had signed myself up for. That being said, today, I am liberated. I am free. I feel lighter than I have ever felt in my life. I put myself out there, I challenged myself by telling my story. I invited others to confront their own boxes and challenged them to destroy them. “When our lived experience of theorizing is fundamentally linked to processes of self-recovery, of collective liberation, no gap exists between theory and practice.”2 My process, my journey in search of my own liberation, merged the worlds of theory and practice; I conflated the divided line, by developing my own liberatory practice through performance. In the curation of this portfolio, I quickly discovered that there is no other way of formatting my process, than through taking you on my journey. As you read through this portfolio, I will take you through my quest for liberation by developing a liberatory practice through performance. Beginning with my discovery of Black feminism, what creative works inspired me to write Out of the Box, continuing with my playwrighting, designing and performing processes, exploration of being who I was and who I am today, and concluding with a declaration towards becoming the woman I desire to be, it is my hopes that you are able to follow and understand how I made sense of my world through theory and performance. Likewise, it is my sincerest desire that you are inspired and challenged to recognize your own boxes and destroy them so that you may be the best you the world didn’t know it was missing.

2 ibid 2

Finding Black Feminism “Opening a magazine or book, turning on the television set, watching a film, or looking at photographs in public spaces, we are most likely to see images of black people that reinforce and reinscribe white supremacy. Those images may be constructed by white people who have not divested of racism or by people of color/Black people who may see the world through the lens of white supremacy—internalized racism. Clearly those of us committed to Black liberation struggle, to the freedom and self-determination of all Black people, must face daily the tragic reality that we have collectively made few, if any revolutionary interventions in the area of race and representation.” - bell hooks

Black women artists such as Ntozake Shange, Echo Brown and Aleasha Harris influenced my creative process, however, theoretically, it was as Patricia Hill Collins, Audre Lorde, Brittney Cooper and bell hooks that became the mothers, sisters and aunties of Black feminism that I needed to help me begin to make sense of myself. Even more so, it was their works that helped me begin to understand how the world viewed me as a Black woman and how, with this information, I can continue to move forward through life. The research element of this thesis took on many different forms. It first began with internal research, asking myself the hard questions of who I am, why I am the way I am, do I like who I am and if not, why and how could I change it? The evidence of this research is reflected throughout the entire portfolio. Secondly, I researched the creative. This is where the voices of Shange, Brown and Harris entered the picture. The third and fourth waves of research happened simultaneously and continued throughout the rest of the curation and creation process. Because I was writing, performing and producing my own solo show, most of the creative research came from attending Stella Adler Studio of Acting’s “Self-Generated Theatre Intensive” in New York City. While learning the ins and out of producing, writing and performing, I was simultaneously researching the mothers and aunties of Black feminism whose work I would later hold up next to mine with the hopes of declaring my piece a Black feminist work of art.

In my quest to find myself and be freed from the confines of who the world has said that I am, I eventually stumbled into Black Feminism. I have always felt that the way in which Black women were represented in the media left a sour taste in my mouth. It felt as though we were being made fun of or that only the negative characteristics of a few were being perpetuated. As a child, I struggled to find images of myself on television or in books and as I got older, this

3 struggle did not end. It was my introduction to Black feminism that began to open my eyes to and provide the language of the controlling images applied to Black women.

Black women have always had to contend with the navigating the stereotypes or archetypes placed on us. Many of us finding ourselves policing our speech, our volume, or hair texture, etc. in an effort to not be that Black girl. While I have witnessed this policing countless times and have also participated in it, it was finding the language to describe what was happening that was a form of liberation for me. In chapter four of her book, Black Feminist Thought, Dr. Patricia Hill Collins exposes the controlling images placed upon Black women. She describes the Mammy—the faithful, obedient, domestic servant, the Matriarch—the strong, female, head of the family who takes sole blame for the success or failure of Black children, the Welfare Mother (or Queen)—the one who is increasingly dependent on the post-World War II welfare state and lastly, the Jezebel—the whore or sexually aggressive woman. “Taken together, these four prevailing interpretations of Black womanhood form a nexus of elite white male interpretations of Black female sexuality and fertility… by meshing… with systems of race, class and gender oppression, they provide justifications of racial oppression…”3

It is important for me to bring into focus these controlling images placed on Black women because it was knowing this that propelled me to rebel against it. It is these main four archetypes that Black women, including myself, push against daily. While in the creation of this portfolio I don’t believe that I ever consciously said “I want to make sure that I don’t put a mammy or a jezebel on stage,” I do know that I subconsciously was careful about the characters I created and the narrative I perpetuated. I wanted to create real, complicated, multi-dimensional, Black women without playing into the controlling images Black women regularly contend with; I wanted to control the narrative.

3 Patricia Hill Collins, Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. New York and London: Routledge, 2000. Pg 84. 4

“First, Black women empower themselves by creating self-definitions and self- valuations that enable them to establish positive, multiple images and to repel negative, controlling representations of Black woman- hood. Second, Black women confront and dismantle the "overarching" and "interlocking" structure of domination in terms of race, class, and gender oppression. Third, Black women intertwine intellectual thought and political activism. Finally, Black women recognize a distinct cultural heritage that gives them the energy and skills to resist and transform daily discrimination. Collins sums these four themes up by saying that Black feminism is "a process of self- conscious struggle that empowers women and men to actualize a humanist vision of community.” 4 - Patricia Hill Collins

Inspirations “Through my tears/ I found God in myself/ & I loved her/ I loved her fiercely” - Ntozake Shange “For Colored Girls…”5 - I am often asked “what inspires you?” and depending on what I am working on at the moment, the answer is likely to vary. When asked what inspired me to write Out of the Box, there were a few key things; 1) the fact that there are few authentic, complicated, multi- dimensional Black female characters on stage, television or film,6 2) a personal desire to not allow graduate school to defeat me—this has been two of the most emotionally and spiritually draining years, yet I knew that there was a me, I’d yet to meet that was determined to reach the other side, and 3) the feeling that the theatre world is lacking the voices and stories of Black women. With these three motivators combined with the inspirational works of Ntozake Shange, Echo Brown and Aleshea Harris, I sought after a way to position myself within the lineage of Black feminist work that they have created.

4 Patricia Hill Collins, Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. New York and London: Routledge, 2000. Print.

5 Shange, Ntzoake. For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf, Scribner, 1975. Ntzoake Shange’s For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf

6 For specific examples of inadequate representation, view “Telling Our Own Stories: Exploring the Self-Definition and Self valuation of Black Female Characters in Performance through Narrative” on page 56. 5

Beginning with Ntozake Shange; her choreopoem, For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf, has been exalted as the first Black feminist play. Shange uses her personal story and the stories of other colored women to shine light on the experiences faced by Black and Brown women. While the experiences of the characters may not be unique to Black and Brown women only, the impact of their experiences is. Black and Brown women face discrimination and oppression for not only being women, but also for being of color. Shange’s work inspired Out of the Box, specifically because of her choice to write about Black and Brown women at their intersections. When I initially began the writing process, I wanted to highlight the fact that my characters were Black and Brown women and to highlight their day to day challenges as a result of their racial and gender intersection. I quickly found myself frustrated with focusing on the negative—on the oppression. I face these challenges on a daily basis, so the last thing I wanted to do was to spend all my time writing about them. While applying for the Black Arts Winter Intensive through the Stella Adler Studio of Acting, hosted at the Cultural Restoration Arts Center in Bed Stuyvesant, Brooklyn, I auditioned with a piece from For Colored Girls. Having reread the play in preparation for my audition, I felt seen. Shange created characters that were real and relatable. She created characters that were Black and Brown women who faced every day highs and lows, who sought after community and who have also gone through some deeply painful experiences. I saw myself in each of them and quickly realized that these were the types of characters I wanted to create—real, colored, women. Shange poured herself into her work and it fueled her. As a feminist, she desired to create multi- dimensional and complicated, female characters and that was also my goal. I was likewise inspired by her choice to not name the characters, but instead distinguish them by colors. This, to me, was a way of telling the reader or audience member that this could be them or someone they know. I followed similarly in those footsteps by choosing not to name myself nor give my character a different name, but rather distinguish her by age only; ie. Young Me, Middle School Me, Teenage Me, Young Adult Me and Adult Me. My choice in not naming the character was to a) place a little distance between myself and the character and b) create space for the audience to comfortably place themselves in the character’s shoes.

The second artist who inspired me was Echo Brown. Echo is an actor and playwright who wrote and starred in Black Virgins Aren’t For Hipsters. Having had no previous theatrical background, she had a story she wanted to tell and sought after the resources necessary to help

6 her do so. Echo seamlessly travels between the past and present weaving in her experience preparing for a date with a white man. She explores the juxtaposition of being a Black woman in the dating scene and what, for her, that entailed. I was particularly inspired by Echo’s choice of telling her story as a solo performance, her choice to confront racism despite often selling out to predominantly white audiences and for her transparency despite how it could potentially make her audience feel. The rawness of her storytelling and her choice to be authentic to her personal Black, woman experience is what structurally inspired Out of the Box. I asked myself what part of my story did I want to tell? I asked, how can I be my most authentic self on stage? Lastly, I asked how I can be transparent about my personal experiences growing up as a young Black girl in front an audience of my white peers who may not understand? Those questions led to many nights of reflection and multiple iterations of the script before I settled on Out of the Box.

Lastly, I was inspired by Aleshea Harris, however Harris’ inspiration was unlike the other two. I was particularly inspired by an interview Harris had with Branden Jacob-Jenkins about her play What to Send Up When It Goes Down. In the interview, Harris talks about what it was like for her to create real, authentic, emotional Black characters, performed by Black people who publicly experience raw, human emotion without creating a gaslighting experience. She wanted “black people [to] feel however they feel and that [be] okay in this space, and should be in the world.”7 Reading Harris and Jenkins’ interview, I, for the first time, heard someone so eloquently articulate the very experience I purpose all of my work to create. She goes on about how she is aware that because she can’t tell her white audience members that they are not allowed in the room, that the experience will unavoidably be different than it would if the audience were all Black. This was something that I thought about as well in the creation of Out of the Box. In a perfect world, I would have only had Black women in the audience and in the talkbacks, but because I knew that this would not be a possibility, I was faced with the same question as Harris; how do I create an authentic, raw and cathartic experience for the audience and the actors without having to exclude anyone? In the interview, Harris states “without white people, there’s an absence of Blackness, and we get to be human in a different way.” I often wonder what my

7 Jacobs-Jenkins, Branden. “‘What to Send Up When It Goes Down’: A Black Gaze.” AMERICAN THEATRE, https://www.americantheatre.org/2019/04/05/what-to-send-up-when-it- goes-down-a-black-gaze/.

7 work would be with the absence of whiteness, but I also wonder if this is necessary? While there is a level of comfort and ease in being for us and by us, is this what I have set my work to accomplish? Ultimately, the answer is no. Like Harris says sometimes, I need to refuel my tank by surrounding myself with only Blackness. However, as an artist, I have been motivated by the lack of authentic representation of Black women in performance, where audiences are often predominantly white, so it is my belief that there is a need for my work to be produced in these spaces, also. So, the question is not whether or not it should be performed in front of mixed audiences, but rather how to maintain the desired level of authenticity regardless of who is in the audience.

Creating

The process of creating a solo show was one that I knew nothing about it. I had never written a play before, let alone a one-woman play, nor had I ever even performed on stage entirely by myself, so I knew I was in for a journey. In my first semester, Fall 2017, I thought that I knew for certain that I was going to write a solo show. That being the case, I applied for the Self-Generated Theatre Intensive at Stella Adler Studio of Acting in New York City for Summer 2018. The program’s focus was to provide theatre artists with the knowledge needed to create and produce their own work. Classes during the program would include, “Writing from the Heart”, “Solo Person Show”, “Movement”, “Composition”, and “Business” among others. Each of these classes, unknowingly served as the catalyst towards building the foundation of Out of the Box and later, the production of the performance. Because each of the aforementioned classes provided unique perspective to the creation of Out of the Box, I will individually unpack the direct relationship between each course and the piece and/or production of it a name a key takeaway from each. Writing from the Heart I want to begin with talking about “Writing from the Heart”, taught by David Deblinger because this was the course that I had the most trouble with while at Stella Adler. The purpose of the class was to share stories that were intimately connected to us in an effort to learn how to then stage these stories. Often times in class, we would spend the entire class period sitting around in a circle sharing stories that have had major impact on our lives be it physically, emotionally, psychologically or otherwise. Class often ended with someone crying and sharing how grateful they were to have the ability to share their stories with the group and feeling more 8 intimately connected. While this was a common occurrence in class, this was not my shared experience. I have always known that when it comes to emotional topics, I am fairly closed off. Unless I feel there is a specific purpose in me sharing my story with you, I likely will not do so. I am simply not one to volunteer this sort of information. This made this particular class extremely difficult for the first few weeks. Towards the end of our time together, we ended up talking about Black women’s hair and how it is a very important but also touchy subject for many Black women. David saw and heard the passion in me when I discussed it and asked that I tell a story about some interaction with my hair. I did, but I failed, miserably. Being the only Black woman in the group, I found myself not wanting to expose myself or my feelings about my hair to a room full of people who I believed would not understand, regardless of the impact it has on me. I was frustrated beyond measure, and while I completed the class with praise from David, I was upset with myself. I felt that I had failed and all because I was not willing or interested in letting others see an emotional side of me. Likewise, I had never truly seen that side of me so the idea of letting others in was terrifying. Fast forwarding to the writing of Out of the Box, I couldn’t help but hear many of David’s words and advice throughout the entire process. We talked a lot about taking our individual stories, our narratives and then theatricalizing it. When I first began the outline for Out of the Box, it went through several different drafts until I managed to find the stories that were 1) most important to me and the message I wanted to convey and 2) would transition well together, theatrically. David reminded us throughout class that while we are telling our stories, we must remember to take the audience on that journey with us, that we want to captivate them and allow them to take a walk in our shoes. Again, easier said than done for someone who is not so keen on letting people into her emotional space. But I knew what had to be done. Throughout the creation of Out of the Box, it wasn’t the writing that was most difficult, it was the performing. Upon putting the production up on its feet I began to realize that emotionally, I was not so far removed from how my character was feeling. David taught us that our two options were to either run from the emotion or use it; so, I chose to use it. The emotions that began to arise in a few of the scenes, through David’s encouragement, instead of running from the discomfort, I leaned into it which I believe led to a successful show.

Take away: Run from your emotions or lean into them; it’s your choice, but only one will result in a good show.

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Solo Person Show Reflecting back on “Solo Person Show” with actress and playwright Stacey Karen Robinson, one phrase she said repeatedly stands out; “let’s play.” Throughout the five weeks, Stacey would start class with an imaginary pot where we would put into it whatever we needed to release out of ourselves be it; self-doubt, insecurity, fear, etc. and to take out of it what we need such as vulnerability, joy, etc. Beginning each class with this very intentional sense of play is the first of many things that I brought into my rehearsal process; acknowledging what I was carrying that would hold me back from experiencing the vulnerability I needed to complete what would later become Out of the Box, while simultaneously pulling from the universe the very thing that I needed to be able to have a productive rehearsal and later performance. Throughout the intensive, for each class, we had to create a new performance piece, usually a three to five- minute monologue that we would then work during the class period. We met twice a week, so we were creating quite a bit of content. This is where one of the first concepts of my play came from. A previous iteration of the script was “Letters from our Mothers” a play that explored the relationships between Black daughters and their mothers. Many of the monologues that I created during the intensive would ultimately fall into this theme and while I did not use any of these monologues in Out of the Box, writing them did begin my process of self-discovery in search of what was most important to me. In class, Stacey is often quoted in saying “let’s just play and see what happens.” This usually came whenever she wanted to encourage us to try something that may have been outside of our comfort zones. Because vulnerability was completely outside of my comfort zone, I heard those words, a lot. When I began rehearsing Out of the Box, I found myself repeating Stacey’s words “let’s just play and see what happens.” The rehearsal space became a safe place to be vulnerable and make choices I would have normally held myself back from. Another thing that “Solo Person Show” taught me was that I had a knack for not only producing content quickly, but producing complete content, quickly. Stacey commended me on my ability to create “full and complete characters” that were “not only loveable but likeable.” The work for me was putting myself out there, the content itself came more organically. This particular journey taught me that developing themes and moments of vulnerability are more of a process for me as a writer than the actual content creation.

10

Take away: Let’s just play and see what happens—Sometimes we can get caught up in the seriousness of creating the work that we forget that this is supposed to be fun and some of our best work comes out when we’re having fun!

Movement and Composition Through the Self-Generated Theatre Intensive, I took two classes involving movement. The first taught by Danyon Davis that was a traditional movement-based theatre class and the latter a composition-based movement class taught by Elizabeth Mozer. Both classes taught me to feel comfortable and have confidence in my body and the amount of space that I took up. This was particularly important in doing a solo performance. Danyon’s class, being completely movement based, pushed our bodies to limits we did not know we could reach; we were taught body and breath control as well as body awareness. All of these came to play in Out of the Box. There were two dance numbers in the play in which I had to convey big movements in a small space. This movement class within the program was particularly useful in doing this because of the rehearsing of spatial awareness we did in class. I was aware of my body while simultaneously free to move. Elizabeth’s composition class differed from Danyon’s movement class in that it was a movement class with the purpose of creating written content. We were directed through a series of exercises that released first our bodies and then our minds. This would include but was not limited to, rolling on the floor until we felt free within our vocal cords to release sound, to playing four corners in which each corner represented a different emotion teaching us how to transition through our emotions authentically and fluidly as well as, quickly. When I began the writing process for Out of the Box, I was trying my best to adhere to Stacey’s “let’s play” mantra, but found that I was in my head more than in my body so I was having difficulty seeing the play come to life. Elizabeth taught us an exercise one class where we would move our bodies around the room without stopping until a story started to be told. Once we felt a story begin to unfold, we were required to vocally record the story into our phones while still moving. After we completed the recording process, we were then allowed to pick up a pen and begin writing out the scene we had just enacted. For the scenes including Young Me in Out of the Box this proved to be very helpful. This allowed the sense of play to enter the room and allowed for me to physically experience what it means to play a seven-year-old version of myself before adding text. Lastly and I believe most importantly, these classes gave me permission to

11 take up space on stage. I am not generally one who fears how much space she’s taking up, but throughout the rehearsal process I felt myself begin to shrink. This was new for me, but as I thought back and even engaged in some of the exercises, I experienced that summer, I slowly felt my body being liberated.

Take away: When you release in your body first, your mind will soon follow, allowing the two to become one and work together versus against one another.

Business From a production standpoint, this class was very useful in producing my own show. Having only a budget of $100, no crew, no design team, no stage manager, and no producer, I knew I had my work cut out for me. This class went through the ins and out of what it is like to produce a show on your own, including crowdsourcing and fundraising, recruiting a crew, design team, purchasing props, etc. While I did not fully produce Out of the Box in the way in which I would have with a proper budget, team and more time, I did take into account many of the aspects of how to save money especially when it comes purchasing props and creating the set. I worked with what I had in the theatre space and went back to the drawing board as a designer to ensure that I could use as much of what I already own and still get my vision across. At the end of our five-week program, we had to produce a showcase entirely on our own. It was our program director’s hope that we could take all that we’d learned over the course of those five weeks and implement them in the showcase. This included securing our own space, creating our own programs, marketing and inviting our own audience, running our own house and selecting a stage manager. What I did not know was that this process was going to be the very lesson that I needed in order to produce Out of the Box. I was able to transfer the skills acquired that summer and use them to procure a production team, run my own house, create my own programs, market and secure an audience all while performing in the show.

Take away: How to appropriately budget for a production as well as how to secure a space, a crew and a design team all on a limited budget.

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Script Analysis:

After the creative research was done, I was ready to get to writing, rehearsing and producing. I left Stella Adler feeling equipped enough to produce a great show, but I knew that there was more to it. My goal was not just to write and perform a play, but to leave a lasting impact and it was still my mission to create a play that could enter the canon of Black Feminist art. Because I believe that my lived experiences as a Black woman gives me a specific vantage point into Black feminist theory, I first wrote Out of the Box through my lens. After doing so, I analyzed my script through the works of Black Feminist theorists to determine whether or not, I could truly label my work Black feminist art. I entered this analysis from my standpoint as a Black woman under the belief that it is the lived experiences of the Black woman that allow for a text to be deemed as a Black feminist text. While lived experience is not the only determinant of Black feminist ideology, many theorists have placed emphasis on the lived experiences as a gateway to Black feminist thought. Through the works of bell hooks, Audre Lorde, Patricia Hill Collins and Ntozake Shange, I lay claim to the belief that there is an intrinsically Black feminist framework at the foundation of both creative and academic work that speaks to a shared, lived experience of Black women. I enter into this analysis with the hopes of being able to definitively declare that my play Out of the Box can enter the cannon as a Black Feminist play. Out of the Box follows the twenty-year journey of myself towards liberation from the expectations and rules both society and my family introduced to me as a child. It is a journey of self-discovery, redefinition and self-actualization. While everything the various ages of “Me” encounters are not all directly related to being a Black woman, I believe that I, being a Black woman, as well as my Black female body performing and telling this story, makes way for a Black feminist lens on this analysis. In order to test my hypothesis that my play Out of the Box can be labeled a Black feminist play, I have analyzed each scene of the script by exploring how it holds alongside Black feminist literature. I begin each scene analysis with a quote from a Black feminist scholar, I then ascribe a theme to the overall scene, and conclude with a reflective analysis of the scene through a Black feminist perspective. SCENE ONE QUOTE: “While unjustly suffering constraints upon one’s opportunities for self-actualization

13 is a necessary condition of oppression, it is not a sufficient one …the hardships you suffer may be severe, both in terms of your compromised ability to sustain your livelihood and the cost to your dignity.”8—S.S.C. Anderson THEME: Hope & Possibility REFLECTIVE ANALYSIS: In scene one, we see a very impressionable Young Me as she receives her box, a gift presented to her by life. As she is promised all the things she desires and loves; dance, a puppy, becoming a doctor, the box represents a sense of hope and possibility to her seven-year-old self. All seems to be well, however, unbeknownst to her, the list of rules that she must follow represent constraints. As we see later, these constraints result in the squashing of aspects of Young Me’s personality, desires, hopes and dreams. Anderson states that “…the hardships you suffer may be severe, both in terms of your compromised ability to sustain your livelihood and the cost to your dignity.” (24) I specifically chose Anderson’s quote for this scene because while the intent of the box in this scene is not to hurt or oppress, Young Me, it is oppressive in nature. Young Me stepping into the box in this scene is what leads to her internal turmoil, it is the catalyst for her suffering and for the compromising of her heart’s true desires and passion. The rules placed on Black women, especially young Black girls are particularly oppressive and while intended to keep them safe have lasting impacts. Rules number 4 and number 5 in particular speak to a familiar rhetoric given to young Black girls. “Dress modestly” “don’t use bad language” “you aren’t loud” “you aren’t ghetto” are all, in my opinions, catch 22s. For example, “dress modestly” is meant to be protective instruction. If a young lady dresses modestly, then perhaps she is less likely to be taken advantage of. Social media shows that this type of advice given is to most women, but add the layer of being a Black woman in it becomes a greater burden as Black women are more likely to be sexually assaulted than their white counterparts.9 To have to carry the burden of protecting oneself from sexual assault and abuse when you are

8 Anderson, S. S. C. Hegel’s Theory of Recognition: From Oppression to Ethical Liberal Modernity. New York: Continuum Books, 2011. Print.

9 Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault-- African American girls and women 12 years old and older experienced higher rates of rape and sexual assault than white, Asian, and Latina girls and women from 2005-2010. (U.S. DOJ Bureau of Justice Statistics, “Female Victims of Sexual Violence, 1994-2010)

14 already at a disadvantage is a plight too often experienced by Black women. All in all, the purpose of this scene was to introduce the power structures at play; both overt and covert. SCENE TWO QUOTE: “Where did your Christ come from? God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with him.” –Sojourner Truth10 THEME: Safety REFLECTIVE ANALYSIS: I have always been a feminist. I didn’t know I was a feminist, but as I look back over my life, I can find evidence that my way of thought was not like most of my friends or family, that I had a different grasp of what it meant to advocate for equality. In this scene, Young Me runs to the box in search of safety. She opens her Bible as she remembers that she had tucked the letter away in it. This was important for me to put in the play because as a Black, Christian woman, relationship with Christ is very important to me. Additionally, throughout Black Feminist literature we see the importance of spirituality and in some cases religion. That being said, I wanted to also toy with the oppressive nature that can exist within Christianity when rooted in patriarchy and white supremacy. When people hear religion, many different ideas, stereotypes, themes, etc. come to mind. In this scene, I did not want to tell the audience what to think, but I did want to encourage them to think. Young Me rereads the letter and realizes that she must seek salvation to be more like Christ, however her understanding of salvation is misconstrued as she believes that it is about perfection. Sojourner Truth’s quote “where did your Christ come from? God and a woman! Man had nothing to do with it” epitomizes my relationship with Christ and Christianity. While I have absolutely felt the oppressiveness of the patriarchy represented in the Black church, something has always kept me. I believe what has kept me is the fact that deep down I have always known and felt that God has a deeply rooted care for his daughters specifically. While I am still working on how to articulate this belief, it has always been deeply felt on a spiritual level. It is ultimately why I never walked away from Christianity despite having many reasons to do so. Truth’s quote is a reminder of our ability to reshape the narrative.

10 Quoted from Sojourner Truth’s famous speech Ain’t I a Woman. McKissack, Pat, 1944-2017. Sojourner Truth : Ain't I a Woman? New York :Scholastic, 1992. Print.

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The narrative given to us is male centric, the Narrative11 that I choose to believe and tell is that God has chosen to center women throughout the ages beginning before the birth of Christ and continuing today. While I sought after religion and spirituality to find liberation, because my understanding of it as a child was rooted in seeking perfection and people pleasing, I was not able to find the liberation and safety I sought after. Instead I found rules, oppression and uneasiness, while maintaining a good face because appearances12 were important as a Black woman. SCENE THREE QUOTE: “People may engage in sexual practices at odds with their sexual desires or lay claim to sexual identities that do not reflect their sexual practices. And not everyone understands sexuality and their own sexuality(ies) in precisely the same ways. Sexualities are far more flexible than we often embrace”13 – Tristan Bridges and Mignon R. Moore THEME: Fake it till you make it REFLECTIVE ANALYSIS: This scene in particular was one of the hardest for me to perform. It is my truth, but it is a truth that I had not yet shared with many that I knew would be in the room. Like many young, Black girls, I was not given the freedom to explore my sexuality, I didn’t know what it meant to be queer and I was confined to the rules of both my family and religion which required me to marry a man. This scene was intended to spotlight the difficulty faced by youth as a whole, but especially Black women as we come to understand our sexuality. Black girls and women are sexualized at a higher rate than their white counterparts14 so in an effort to protect me, my family didn’t teach me about my own sexual desires and bodily changes. I believe that they thought that if I didn’t know then somehow, I could avoid experiencing it and potentially the confusion and

11 The use of capitalizing “Narrative” is a means of elevating the importance of word. It is not simply a style but a way of life and a foundational method of Black Feminist Theory.

12 Beauboeuf-Lafontant, Tamara. “Keeping up Appearances, Getting Fed up: The Embodiment of Strength among African American Women.” Meridians, vol. 5, no. 2, 2005, pp. 104–23. 13 Bridges, Tristan and Mignon R. Moore explore the experiences of young women of color as it relates to their ability and freedom to explore their sexuality in a world that boxes them in.

14 Nin Feliz, Roberta. Feminism. The Adultification of Black Girls - Women’s Media Center. http://www.womensmediacenter.com/fbomb/the-adultification-of-black-girls. 16 heartache that came along with it. They were wrong. Nevertheless, I can look around my circle and discover this to be the norm; we as young Black girls did not have the same liberties as our white counterparts to discover, explore and then decide. Within this scene, I wanted to be sure to include the fact that because I knew I couldn’t receive the answers to my questions about my crush on a girl from my parents that I sought out another friend’s parent in hopes of finding answers. She gave me an answer, but not the answer I was looking or hoping for. I was told it was just a phase, it happens in growing up, but it’ll pass. But what happens when it doesn’t pass? This scene, from a Black feminist perspective, was more about my Black body telling the story than the story itself. I believe that this story may be common to many people of various genders and racial backgrounds, but it is a story that we unfortunately don’t often get to see coming from a Black woman. How could things be different if I had heard this story, this struggle, as a young Black girl. How could my journey as a queer, Black woman have been different?

SCENE FOUR QUOTE: “Black feminists often talk about their feelings of craziness before becoming conscious of concepts of sexual politics, patriarchal rule, and most importantly feminism, the political analysis and practice that we women use to struggle against our oppression.”15 THEME: Control & Patriarchy REFLECTIVE ANALYSIS: This scene was about so much more than the skirt. Yes, Teen Me wanted the freedom to be able to wear whatever she wanted, as she should, but the way the box tried to gaslight her to be was the bigger issue; telling her that she didn’t have to be like everyone else, insinuating that she was not being a “good kid” because she broke the rules. From the perspective of the playwright, this scene was a pivotal moment for Teen Me. What others may have seen as rebellion, was Teen Me coming into herself and discovering her autonomy in her word and wardrobe choices. Internally as I prepared for Teen Me’s character development, I reflected on the moments as a teenager when I thought I was losing my mind because the way that I viewed the world was different from everyone around me. Many of my friends were either okay with following these rules or just snuck behind their parents’ backs; I on the other hand, did not enjoy

15 The Combahee River Collective Statement. http://circuitous.org/scraps/combahee.html 17 being sneaky and I wanted to live out loud without consequence. I didn’t understand the patriarchy at work here, I did not understand that I was not only resisting the box but was resisting societal demands and expectations. This scene was also another scene that I felt was important for my Black body to perform. In entertainment, we often see young white girls being “rebellious,” making choices against to their family’s wishes, but how many young Black women or shows featuring young Black women can we name?

SCENE FIVE & SIX QUOTE: “I can’t hear anything/but maddening screams/ & the soft strains of death/ & promised me/ you promised me…/ somebody-anybody/ sing a black girl’s song… let her be born/ let her be born/ & handled warmly.” 16 --Ntozake Shange THEME: Abandonment & Despair REFLECTIVE ANALYSIS: While studies show that the suicide rate amongst Black youth is double that of white youth,17 Black kids, especially girls, aren’t often afforded the luxury of being depressed or suicidal. This scene was particularly important to include because like Ntozake Shange’s For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When The Rainbow is Enuf, there is value in staging/writing about the taboo, in writing about those moments we know exist but refuse to talk about. For those suffering from depression I believe that it is a familiar experience to want to escape the torment faced mentally and emotionally. Even more so, I believe that many seek several other coping mechanisms before giving completely in to hopelessness and perhaps suicide. Throughout the staging of this scene, I wanted to include those silent moments of torment where it is just you, the deafening screams in your mind and your box. As Shange says in the quote for this scene, “sing a black girl’s song… let her be born/ let her be born/ & handled warmly”, this was all that I wanted; to be allowed to be born and handled warmly. Me’s teen

16 Excerpt from For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow was Enuf. Shange, Ntozake. For colored girls who have considred suicide when the rainbow is enuf. New York, NY: Collier Books, MacMillian Publishing Company. 1975. pp 4

17 Suicide Rates for Black Children Twice That of White Children, New Data Show - The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2018/05/21/suicide- rates-for-black-children-twice-that-of-white-children-new-data- show/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.70e86b30e0c7 18 years were pivotal to the person that she desired to become but those birthing pains she experienced were maddening and tormenting. She was both giving birth to herself as well as being birthed. I argue that this is an experience many Black feminists experience. That this process of giving birth to their new selves experiencing the pains of child birth while simultaneously being reborn and risking exposure to things that do not serve them or their purpose at their most vulnerable state is one that is all too common.

SCENE SEVEN QUOTE: “Behind the mask of behavioral conformity imposed on African-American women, acts of resistance, both organized and anonymous, have long existed (Davis 1981, 1989; Terborg-Penn 1986; Hine 1989; Barnett 1993).”18—Patricia Hill Collins THEME: Self-definition REFLECTIVE ANALYSIS: Self-definition is an important and essential component of Black feminist thought. 19 Self-definition as Patricia Hill Collins defines it “involves challenging the political knowledge- validation process that has resulted in externally-defined stereotypical images of Afro-American womanhood.” 20 Young Adult Me getting her nose pierced is her own, personal form of self- definition. The box reminds her that it is “not a part of the plan,” but what she has discovered is that the box’s plans for her life and her plans for her life are not necessarily the same. This discovery of self is new to her, but she stands proudly and boldly in it. She makes the unfortunate assumption that everyone will feel the same about it as she does, which she learns isn’t true when she calls her mom to show off her new piercing. What is most important here, is that despite her mother’s reaction, she concludes the scene with informing her mom that what she does with her body isn’t not about her mom, but rather what she wants. After experiencing this rebirth of self

18 Collins, Patricia Hill. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. Psychology Press, 2000. pp 212 19 Patricia Hill Collins. “Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought.” Social Problems 33. pp16.

20 For more information on the knowledge-validation process, see Patricia Hill Collins’ Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought.

19 in the previous scene, choosing to stand her ground and not be moved is integral to her journey towards self-valuation.

SCENE EIGHT & NINE QUOTE: “Loving Black girls is complicated but loving oneself in a world where there is always someone ready to do you harm is even harder.”21—Brittney Cooper THEME: Self-awareness & Self-definition REFLECTIVE ANALYSIS: It is both a beautiful and challenging time when someone enters your life and challenges what you thought you’ve always known about yourself; when someone asks the hard questions that you may not want to hear. I combined these two scenes because scene eight served as the catalyst for scene nine. In scene eight, Young Adult Me is on a date with a young man, who challenges all she’s ever thought to know of herself and her desires. He causes her to come to the truth of where she wants to be in her life. These people are important. They help us become more self-aware, but it’s what we do with this new found self-awareness that has the potential to lead us to self-definition and ultimately self-actualization. As stated above, self-definition is an important component of Black feminist thought; this journey towards deciding what experiences define who we are, choosing to switch, shift or rewrite the Narrative, go against the grain or simply say “I am no longer that person” is what it means to define oneself. Personally, that date began to shift some things for me. What’s the worst that could happen if I decided to say no to medical school, the plan I’d had my entire life. What’s the worst that could happen if I decided to start a Youtube channel or blog? Sure, there are plenty of things including financial instability, but what happens if I shift the Narrative? I began to ask myself, what’s the best that could happen if I decided to dance instead of becoming a doctor? What’s the best that could happen if I had a blog and a Youtube channel? That I would be doing what I love and getting paid for it? That I could be positively impacting so many people that I may never meet? That I could be the person I always wished I had as a young child? That means the risk is worth it, yes? “Loving black girls is complicated…” I’ve heard this in some variation my entire life, but no one really explained how much harder it is to love yourself when you are constantly reminded that you

21 Cooper, Brittney. Eloquent Rage. New York. St. Martin’s Press. 2018. pp 30 20 have to work twice as hard to get half as far. When you’re told that you are intimidating, complicated, difficult, etc. No one also talked about how rewarding it is to love yourself despite and in spite of what anyone has to say, positive or negative. To love oneself is to advocate for oneself and I genuinely believe that to advocate for yourself is to advocate for others.

SCENE TEN QUOTE: “This is my Black feminism—the kind that is gonna channel all this rage to either get free or die trying.”22—Brittney Cooper THEME: Self-actualization REFLECTIVE ANALYSIS: Each time I performed this scene, I got angry. I was enraged telling this story. I was enraged by all that I had to go through to get to this point. I was enraged by how alone I felt throughout this process. I was pissed that twenty years later this box that I began to hate three years after receiving it was still around. I was angry at it, I was angry at all who I thought should be there for me but wasn’t, but most of all, I was angry with myself. I felt that I should have done more to get rid of it. In hindsight, I’m grateful for the process. I wouldn’t be me without having gone through what I had. This anger, this rage, as Cooper states, is my Black feminism. I channeled my rage into something constructive, something productive, but also something liberating for myself and others. hooks states in “Theory as Liberatory Practice”, “when our lived experience of theorizing is fundamentally linked to processes of self-recovery, of collective liberation, no gap exists between theory and practice.” This final scene was the culmination of this quote. The destruction of the box on stage represented a destruction in my own life that I had not yet achieved when I had completed the writing of the script. I had theorized this possibility of liberation in performance, but it was through the actual practice that the liberation was achieved.

Analysis Reflection As I began this analysis, I had in mind, the desire to analyze each scene to prove what I already believed to be true; that my play, Out of the Box is a Black feminist play. As I began to

22 Cooper, Brittney. Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower. St. Martin’s Press. 2018. p 35 21 write, I realized that this may not be necessary, but was still a great exercise in critically analyzing a script. From a theatrical lens, script analysis is important for the actor in understanding the given circumstances23 within a scene, the character’s motivations and the playwright’s intentions and was important for me as I transformed from playwright to actor. As both the playwright and the actor, this was an important exercise in unpacking what was trying to say and my intentions when staging the production. That being said, looking at the script through a scholarly lens, Out of the Box is a Black feminist text in that it seeks to make sense of the world, by first making sense of my own lived experiences. I, a Black woman, choosing vulnerability and radical self-love and then sharing that experience through performance falls within the parameters of the lived experience. As both actor and playwright, I participate in the upholding of the self-definition and self-valuation principles of Black feminist thought; self- definition by using my Black female experience as the inspiration for what it means to be a Black woman, to me, and self-valuation by staging an authenticity that is culturally shared. The vulnerability in my work sought to heal not only myself, but others. “Theory is not inherently healing, liberatory or revolutionary. It fulfills this function only when we ask that it do so and direct our theorizing towards this end.”24 Performance and even vulnerability are not inherently healing, liberatory or revolutionary; however, when we set this intention we produce a product and a framework that seeks to liberate not only self, but all. The writing process of Out of the Box was two-fold. There was the part of writing that that was framed by Black feminist theory presented through this script analysis and there was the part that sought after authenticity, transparency and liberation that was embedded in the performative elements of the text and curated in the staging process.

23 For more information on given circumstances, visit http://www.uvm.edu/~pmardeus/theat/givencircumstancestheatre40fall2011.pdf.

24 hooks, bell. “Theory as Liberatory Practice.” Yale Journal of Law and Feminism, vol. 4. 22

Playwriting “Let’s just play and see what happens?” - Stacey Karen Robinson

“You have to be willing to break your own heart.” - Torie Wiggins

What if I told you that just a few minutes of playing can change the way that you view and feel about yourself? Really. What if I told you that tapping into your childlike desires to just “play,” no rules, no desired outcomes, no structures, can begin to shift you into a place of radical self-love? Sounds crazy, right? Well, that’s what happened to me. While studying at Stella Adler Studio of Acting in New York City, I had an instructor tell me “let’s just play and see what happens!” If I’m honest, those words scared me to death. But it was those very same words that started me on a journey of radical healing and radical self-love. As I began writing Out of the Box, all that I knew was that this was going to be hard—very, very hard. But I was up for the challenge. My personal life was at peak transition and I wanted nothing more than for my internal thoughts and feelings to match the external badassery everyone else saw. I was the definition of “faking it till you make it,” but I had gotten so good at faking it, I wasn’t sure if I was ever going to make it! So, I wrote. I took myself on dates, I got to know myself and I wrote. Now, let me say up front that as I got to know myself more, I did not always like what I saw. There were some deeply rooted thoughts, perspectives, emotions that did not align with the woman that I desired to be. So instead of trying to get rid of them, I confronted them. I searched deep within for the root; the box, if you will. How did I get here and how do I get out of here? The work had to be done, but it wasn’t all work and no play. The play started with me asking myself what could happen if I just told the truth; my truth? So, I wrote it down and then I played. Even in our darkest moments, there is a glisten of light and that light is sometimes all our childlike selves need to be playful. In Out of the Box, I took the idea of playing literally as I transformed into a child in search of something, anything to help me make sense of the world. What I didn’t know is that in my quest to make sense of the world, I would first make sense of myself. Playing took the weight off of the process, making things a little less taxing and a little less draining. Being willing to just “try and see what happens” took the pressure to be perfect off of the table, both in writing and performing. To

23 know that if something did not work that I could just try a new way broke chains of perfectionism rooted in a young child’s desire to be accepted and love. Throughout the writing process, I met with my director weekly, I showed her drafts of the script from beginning to end. This was difficult for me because as seen in the script, perfectionism was a box for me. It was hard for me to allow her to see and critique my imperfections. What I realized in hindsight was that the writing process was liberating as I put theory to practice. I knew the outcome I desired, I rooted myself in a Black feminist framework and I couldn’t let anything stop me from achieving it. The process of having to confront my box in these moments was freeing me moment by moment, although at the time, I don’t think I was aware. By the end of it, however, I didn’t care. I allowed her to see the script, ask questions, poke holes and critique it as she saw fit because with each talk, I was confronting and destroying my box of perfectionism. Although, I was doing the emotional and spiritual work in confronting my boxes and I was being liberated by putting theory into practice, I still wasn’t so keen about sharing my process with others. There lied the greatest challenge; my entire hypothesis —that as I sought liberation through performance, I would open the door for others to experience their own liberatory practice—would be inconclusive if I failed to complete the process. In a meeting, my director said to me “you have to be willing to break your own heart.” Truer words had not been spoken. As I continued to write and continued to rehearse, my heart broke: it broke for the little girl I once was, it broke for the teenage version of myself who never thought or intended to see where I am today and it broke for all those who are stuck like I once was. It was being willing to both break my own heart and play that allowed me to complete the writing and production of Out of the Box. Dance was a hugely important aspect that I also incorporated in the writing of Out of the Box. From the very beginning, I knew that dance had to be a part of whatever final product I created. Dance is where I have always found liberation. Dance is where I have always felt safest, freest and boldest so it felt only right to make sure it was included. In order to show Me’s journey to liberation in the performance, I decided to include two dance scenes, one where the thing that had always been a source of freedom was the very thing that made her feel constrained much to her bewilderment and another where dance was the element used to break free and ultimately destroy the box. I will talk more about the performative aspects of incorporating dance in the performance section.

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Out of the Box is my first ever play and as I was preparing, I had to decide what story I wanted to tell and what stories made sense to be staged. I also had to keep in mind that this was a thesis project and not my life’s work. The combination of this effort led to quite a few scenes being left on the cutting room floor. As I thought about the message that I wanted to convey in performance, it was important to me that the audience witness a Black female body going through everyday situations. The cut scenes25 mostly deal with race-based situations that I have encountered through life. I personally felt that while important and valid, this is the narrative that we often hear in regard to Black women’s experience. As playwright, I had the ability to control the Narrative,26 so I did for this production. I chose not to add in the scenes that dealt with race for the simple fact that I had had enough with talking and dealing with race-based microaggressions and situations at Miami University. I was beginning to feel as though these situations were defining me and who I was at Miami. I knew that I was more than that but wasn’t sure if I would be able to express that explicitly if I kept the scenes. Since I was performing at Miami for a Miami audience, I chose to put some distance between myself and those experiences by not including them in this iteration of the script. As I consider expanding the play, I foresee myself adding these scenes back in because they are a part of the story. They add to the authenticity, to the complicatedness of who I am, as well as a new dimension to the multi- dimensioned character I desire to create. I have chosen to include the cut scenes and the boxes each represented in the portfolio as they provide a glimpse into what the next iteration of Out of Box could be.

Designing Another element of the production process was the design. In addition to the many other hats I wore, I was also my own set designer. Because the box was personified in the script, it was important to pay specific attention to how the box was constructed. What elements did I need to ensure that I had to ensure that the message I desired to convey was presented. There were three components that were central to the construction of the box, 1) the box would be appealing to a

25 Cut scenes can be found on page 53 26 Narrative with the capital “N” is specifically in reference to our ability to shape and tell our own stories. For more information, view “Telling Our Own Stories: Exploring the Self- Definition and Self valuation of Black Female Characters in Performance through Narrative” on page 56. 25 young child, 2) the box could “talk” and 3) the box be functional with storage available inside of it. I have attached pictures below showing what the box looked like before and after its destruction for a visual as well as described specifically what went into its construction and design.

Pictured (left): Young Me hearing the box speak for the very first time. Pictured (right): The remnants of the destroyed box during the April 26th talkback. 1. That the box be appealing to a young child. The first time that we encounter the box, it gains the attention of Young Me. Because she is only about seven-years-old, I wanted to ensure that the box be something that would attract a seven-year-old. That led me to using the galaxy tapestry as well as the twinkle lights. I thought back at how at that age, I would get easily distracted by and attracted to shiny, colorful and sparkling objects so that was the design element I went for. (pictured above) 2. The twinkle lights were more than just a shiny element to attract Young Me, they were also the way in which the box spoke. At any point in the script that the box would speak to Me, there would be a high-pitched chime in sequence with the flickering of the twinkle lights. The personification of the box was an added design element in order for the

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audience to recognize when Me was having a conversation with the box. The tune played was bright because the box was neither good nor bad; it simply had a voice. 3. Lastly, the box needed cubbies of some sort on the inside. Because it was supposed to be a life-sized box that held all of her childhood favorites and where she could store the new favorite items she encountered, there was a need for somewhere to put all of those props. The box was constructed from a stack of mismatched boxes and then made appealing by curtains and lights. The use of the lights and curtains covering the mix-matched boxes created a stark contrast in what we see when the curtains are torn, the lights are gone, and the box is destroyed. (pictured below)

Performing As a performer, I know what it’s like to go out in front an audience for the very first time, and, after working so hard, have someone other than your stage manager, crew and director placing eyes on your show; your adrenaline’s pumping, your mind’s going a mile a minute and you’re trying everything to make sure that you relish this moment because it will never happen again. Performing Out of the Box was exactly like every other performance I have done with one major plot twist; I was telling my story. I was letting people in to what was not only the character’s life, but my own personal one. And it was terrifying. My audience weren’t strangers, but were people that I knew, people I respected and love, but also included people who weren’t previously privileged with knowing some of the most intimate details of me. That was all about to change. I had to remind myself every night why I was telling my story. In the words of Rhachelle Nicol’ “I show my scars so that others know they can heal.” It was no longer about me. As I talked about in the Playwriting section, the choice to incorporate dance into the script was a very intentional one. 27Dance is where I have always found liberation and freedom for myself. It was the place that I theorized about who I am as a Black woman, a plus sized woman and even as a Christian woman. My Black, female, plus sized body telling stories through dance has always had varied meaning contingent upon the what I was dancing for; be it church, a musical or just for fun. Over the years, as a plus sized dancer, I have encountered many testimonies from other plus sized women who either dance or aspire to dance but felt that they

27 Page 20 27 shouldn’t or couldn’t because of their size. This was one of their boxes. Remembering testimonies of how they now felt like they could dance after seeing me, was a motivating factor to including dance in the script. My desire is to “do,” so others know they “can.” Once again, using my lived experience, in this case as a plus sized dancer, to encourage liberation in others. Being aware of what my body often represents to others, I thought it important to include dance in the script and performance. The first time we encounter Young Me dance is right after she has gone to the alter for salvation.28 In one of the most exciting and what should be the most liberating times of her life, she actually found herself constrained by what she considered rules of her “salvation.”29 This is depicted in dance. Young Me attempts a freedom dance and salvation yet can’t seem to fully commit, almost as if something was stopping her from freedom and self. The second time we see dance in the script is in the final scene.30 As I wrote the script, it was important for me to destroy the box by using the very means that has always brought me joy, weightlessness and liberation—dance. I chose not to choreograph any steps in the dance as I wanted to dance what I needed. What I mean by this is that as liturgical dancer of fifteen years, a lot of spirit led dancing is felt and then those feelings are interpreted through the body. Both nights, I needed something different spiritually. The first night, I needed to prove that I could do it, that I could not just talk about the box(es) I needed to confront, but actually confront them head on. The second night, I needed to ensure that there were no remnants of the box left, that there was no residue. Because I was in need of something different each night, the dance moves I created in those moments varied. The first night my moves were that of exploration, I had found my box and it was time to break up this long, abusive relationship. I was angry, I was frustrated with it and myself. The movements were war-like and the destruction of the box resulted in more force being used than initially planned. Blocking wise, I was only supposed to tear the curtains off and pull the lights down, I actually ended up pulling the beam off the top and almost hitting myself in the head (for the second time as I had actually hit myself during the final dress

28 Scene two on page 39

29 The use of quotes here is distinguish between how Young Me felt about salvation; i.e. rules, constrained, list of dos and don’ts at this age and my actual, spirit-based feelings and understanding of salvation.

30 Scene 10 on page 50 28 rehearsal). Although this was obviously not planned, it demonstrated truly how I felt in that moment. The second night was a different feeling. I had destroyed the box in my personal life on Friday night, but for the audience I needed to relive that moment. However, since theatre is ephemeral, I knew I’d never be able to create that exact moment again. That being said, I ended up approaching the box differently. I was already done with it, so I created movement that was more confident, that was fluid and relaxed. To me this represented a new and higher self. I was coming at the box as an already liberated woman. The decision was already made, the deed just needed to be done. Surrounded by an amazing support system, preparation for each night of the show included prayer with one of my closest friends, a pep talk from my stage manager and an encouraging chat or text from my director—it truly takes a village. I reminded myself that I had two goals in mind, one for me and one for my audience: 1) to walk away lighter, freer and a changed woman after destroying the box at the end of the play and 2) encourage my audience to first recognize their box(es) and then gather the courage to destroy their own. With that in mind, I set out each night to perform like my life and someone else’s depended on it because to me, they did. How often have we heard older adults say that they regretted not doing something as a younger person, how they wished they had the courage and confidence of many younger people? Well, not all young people have the courage and confidence to face their boxes, so I made it my personal mission to encourage everyone in the room, regardless of age, to face their boxes head on. In preparing for the performance, I couldn’t very well tell other people to face their own boxes without facing the boxes in my current life. There were two boxes in particular that I knew would be a roadblock to my goals if I didn’t address them: 1) fear of letting people in and 2) shrinking—I’ll talk more about this in the “Being” section. Each night of the show, there were fearful thoughts that tried to suffocate me moments before the curtains opened, so I asked my stage manager to play Django Jane, by Janelle Monae just before the curtain speech. When I hear Janelle Monae’s powerful, Black female empowering song, nothing else matters; I’m hyped, I’m ready and I know that I can face anything the world throws at me. As the song faded out and the curtain speech was given, I reminded myself that even in performance, I can still play.31 I reminded myself that the work was done and that it was

31 In reference to Stacey Karen Robinson’s “let’s just play and see what happens” on page 8. 29 time to have fun. Playing freed my body. Playing a seven-year-old child required me to become a child and becoming a child meant releasing all the weight of the world Adult Me was carrying and embracing the weightlessness of Young Me. Playing is using your imagination, it is opening your mind to possibility, to the positive what-if statements in your life. What if I go after this passion of mine? What if I did not allow fear to steal dreams any longer? This was my healing. As I performed the journey of Me saying yes to her heart’s truest desires and chasing after her passions, I was simultaneously entering a new phase of liberation and growth in my personal life.

Being “If I didn’t define myself for myself, I would be crunched into other people’s fantasies for me and eaten alive.” – Audre Lorde. “Learning from the 60s”32 “Who I am?” I asked myself this question a lot throughout this process. Once my topic for Out of the Box was selected, I personally entered a very conscious, reflective, self-critical, state of being. I realized that I had spent the better portion of my life not knowing who I was because I shaped my entire existence around what and who others wanted me to be. I wasn’t sure of what I wanted out of life anymore, I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do with my life anymore, I didn’t know who my real friends were anymore—needless to say it was a rough season. I developed an anxiety disorder in the process and decided that counseling was the best thing I could do for myself at the end of the first semester of my graduate program. I quickly learned that soul searching can also be soul crushing. I learned that you can’t just say “hey, that thing that I’ve held on to since childhood, I’m just going to miraculously stop clinging to it.” Have you ever tried to wean a baby off of a pacifier? It takes time and it takes patience. I had to learn to be gentle with myself and let it be okay to not get it right the first time. I sought the works of Morgan Jenkins’ “This Will Be My Undoing,”33 Sonya Renee Taylor’s “The Body is Not an

32 “(1982) Audre Lorde, ‘Learning from the 60s’ • BlackPast.” BlackPast, 12 Aug. 2012, https://www.blackpast.org/african-american-history/1982-audre-lorde-learning-60s/.

33 Jerkins, Morgan. This Will Be My Undoing. First Edition. New York, New York. HarperCollins Publishers. 2018.

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Apology: The Power of Radical Self Love”34 and Brittney Cooper’s “Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower”35 in an attempt to make sense of what I was experiencing. Much like, hooks, I entered theory through pain.36 I was trying to make sense of the world by making sense of myself, first. In chapter four of her book, Taylor states that her agenda is to “change the world by convincing you to love every facet of yourself, radically and unapologetically, even the parts you don’t like.”37 This was step one, looking myself in the mirror and acknowledging the physical and the emotional parts of myself that I didn’t like. However, it didn’t stop at acknowledging. I had to search for why and confront that too. That’s where the true theorizing began. I desperately sought after other Black women who felt as I did. That is how I found Cooper. Cooper’s book assured me that it was okay to get angry, that my anger was justified and that ultimately my anger had the potential to be a powerful agent towards my liberatory practice. I was on a powerful journey towards self-actualization and self- definition,38 running full force at the light at the end of the tunnel until I realized that I was dragging two extremely heavy boxes along with me and they were greatly holding me back. Those boxes were a fear of letting people in and shrinking.

Fear of Letting People In: One box, I faced was the fear of letting people in. The irony of this when I wrote a very personal, one-woman show about my life is not lost on me. Nevertheless, I was afraid. I was afraid of letting the audience in to some of my most intimate life moments. I wasn’t afraid because I was scared or even ashamed of my past; what I was most afraid of was what if the

34 Taylor, Sonya Renee. The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. Read How You Want, 2018.

35 Cooper, Brittney. Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower. St. Martin’s Press. 2018.

36 hooks, bell. “Theory as Liberatory Practice.” Yale Journal of Law and Feminism, vol. 4.

37 Taylor, Sonya Renee. The Body Is Not an Apology: The Power of Radical Self-Love. Read How You Want, 2018. P 75

38 Reference “Telling Our Own Stories: Exploring the Self-definition and Self-valuation of Black Female Characters in Performance through Narrative” on page 56 for more on Patricia Hill Collins’ self-valuation and self-definition 31 people in the audience that I cherished the most began to view me differently? What if our relationships were negatively impacted? What if they no longer wanted to be close because of my past? All of these questions swirled in my head constantly through the writing process and through the staging process. I destroyed this box through journaling. I acknowledged the truth in how I felt and ultimately decided that I was right, all of these things could happen, but so what if they did? What were my goals again; to 1) walk away lighter, freer and a changed woman after destroying the box at the end of the play and 2) encourage my audience to first recognize their box(es) and then gather the courage to destroy their own. If I were able to accomplish this, did anything else matter? The answer was no. While I was ultimately able to destroy this box, along with the fear of letting people in, came shrinking. The two boxes fed off of each other and in order to truly be liberated, I had to destroy them both.

Shrinking: As a child I was often told to don’t be loud and don’t be ghetto. 39 I was quieted in public sectors as to not embarrass myself or my family. I was told that I was too much or extra by “friends” and was often called intimidating by men. Out of fear of embarrassing those I cared about and of being “too much,” I developed a shrinking personality. I thought that I was just an ambivert40 and was adapting to the other personalities in the room. That was incorrect. I was shrinking. I was afraid of being too much, I was afraid that I wouldn’t have friends, that others wouldn’t like me if I was 100% my authentic self. I told myself that in a room full of extroverts that my introverted side came out in order to balance the room. Again, incorrect. This was my box talking. I wasn’t balancing out the room, I was robbing myself and others the privilege of experiencing my most liberated self. In the rehearsal process, I recognized this box when I noticed that I’d become afraid of taking up space on stage. I was the only person on stage, in a show about me and I was afraid to take up space. In hindsight, this sounds insane, but it was my truth. This revelation came about during the rehearsal before my final dress. This ultimately required me to get it together quickly. So, I danced, and I played. I went into a dance studio the next day and danced and played and danced some more. I kept going until my body felt free.

39 See rule number 5 in Scene 1 of Out of the Box on page 35

40 According to Webster’s Dictionary, an ambivert is a person whose personality has a balance of extrovert and introvert features. 32

Dancing destroyed my box, just as dancing in the production of Out of the Box destroyed the box on stage. The journey to becoming, required me to first take a look back and confront my past, acknowledge my present and then, only then, would I truly be liberated and empowered to liberate others.

I can now say, with no shame, no doubt, unequivocally— that I am not the same person that I was when I began this project. To say I feel lighter, may sound vague, but articulating otherwise has been difficult. I used to walk around bogged down by the boxes I was carrying through my day to day life and that is no longer the case. I have shown improvements with the anxiety disorder I was diagnosed with first semester of graduate school and I am ready to face the world head on. I am no longer afraid of who I am in the moment, nor am I afraid of the woman I desire to be. I finally recognize my own badassery and am beginning to see what others have always seen in me. I am finally okay with being and look forward to becoming.

Becoming

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned in life, it’s the power of using your voice. I tried my best to speak the truth and shed light on the stories of people who are often brushed aside.”

– Michelle Obama “Becoming”41

In her book, The Woman I Wanted to Be, Diane von Furstenburg said “I didn't know what I wanted to do, but I always knew the woman I wanted to be.” 42 I read this quote somewhere around the age of 16 and it stuck with me. In preparing for Out of the Box, all I could think about was how I wanted to feel when it was all over and how I desired to impact the audience. Now that the performance is over, I have had the time to reflect on who I am now and the impact I want to have on the world.

It took me over a week of thinking and reflecting on my production of Out of the Box to finally process how I felt and yet all I could come up with was that I was completely

41 Obama, Michelle. Becoming. Crown, an Imprint of the Crown Publishing Group, 2018.

42 Furstenberg, Diane Von. The Woman I Wanted to Be. Simon & Schuster, 2015.

33 overwhelmed. I was overwhelmed by others’ kind words during the talkbacks, but I was even more overwhelmed that a week after the production, people were still posting on social media about the performance. My hope when writing and producing this show was not only that I come out of this two-night performance feeling refreshed, renewed and empowered, but that the audience members also walked away with something; the only thing was, I didn’t know what that something would or should be. I just hoped that in staging my own journey towards liberation, it would encourage others to take a look at their own lives, their own boxes and make an effort to start the process of leaving their boxes. From some of the testimonies I received,43 it appears that it did just that. After each show, I hosted a talkback. When I began each talkback, I genuinely was not sure what kind of information I would get from the talkback, nor was I clear as to what information I wanted from the audience. As I wrote about in the Being section, I had in the back of my mind, that I wanted to be free from my boxes by the time that I put on the performances, so that I could authentically share my journey with others, but that was it. I began the talkback with sharing about my research topic and how the play reached this particular iteration and then I left it up to the audience to drive the conversation, and I am very glad that I did. Doing so allowed for me to end up with two very different though equally important conversations that I believe confirmed my hypothesis. I opened the talkback with the inspiration behind choosing an autobiographical and narrative piece; bell hooks’ Theory Through Liberatory Practice. I shared how hooks talks about how she came to theory through pain. It was in an effort to heal her pain that she found theory in her practice. I also shared that as a Black Feminist, this is indicative of our process. It is through our experiences and often our pain, that we as Black women begin to express through Narrative the nuances of our struggles. As we speak on it, write it, perform it, etc. we are not only freeing ourselves, we are also giving permission to others to walk towards their own liberation. The talkbacks produced many thought-provoking questions and great conversation. There were many questions that stood out to me; however, I believe there were handful that are important to my overall thesis research. I will identify, answer and reflect on the questions below.

43 See testimonials on page 54. 34

1. “We hear artists being told often ‘use your pain to fuel your art,’ but we all know putting yourself out there isn’t easy, so what advice would you give to young artists about using their stories?” o “There’s healing in transparency.” I believe that the reason artists who have been through the most traumatic experiences produce such powerful artistry is because people resonate with their transparency. I by no means say that it is easy, but the creation of the art is its own form of purging and healing for self. The process in using all of your experiences, not just your pain, to fuel your art has the potential to touch people in a more intimate way. Audiences enjoy walking away from a performance feeling as though they know the characters as people. This desire to create intimacy is what encouraged me to use my pain to fuel my art and it is my hope that it would do the same for me. 2. “What shocked you the most?” o I was most shocked about how much difficulty I had with taking up space. In my day to day life, taking up space is not an issue for me. As a dancer, taking up space on stage has never been an issue for me. However, for some reason, when in rehearsals, I had great difficulty in taking up space. When I recognized this in rehearsals, I had to spend some time journaling and reflecting. I had found another “box” that I needed to be liberated from in order to produce the final product of Out of the Box that I desired. Throughout my process, I was aware that my plus sized, Black, female, body telling this particular story added to and/or changed the meanings of the stories being told. While in part, that was my goal; to challenge the narrative known by the audience and opening their eyes to perhaps a version of that narrative never experienced, I also began to fear what that challenge would do. Unable to predetermine the outcome, I began to shrink. I began to be afraid of this level of vulnerability. During my post-rehearsal reflections, I had to remind myself of my why; the reason I wrote this play and wanted to perform this play in the first place. I’d reached a point in my personal life where I desired freedom from past circumstances and experiences, I wanted liberation from the boxes my family, society, church, etc. put me in, but most importantly, I wanted to get to meet the girl who was free. I knew that in order to

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meet her, I couldn’t shrink. Shrinking came from a box that no longer served me. So, I destroyed that box and returned to my practice. 3. “Do you see yourself expanding the play?” o Absolutely! There were several scenes that were left on the cutting room floor that I would love to incorporate back into the script. I desire to produce a full- length play that I can bring into Black female communities to encourage a personal growth and “liberatory” practice of their own. 4. “How do you feel?” o Free. Lighter. Liberated. There was a lot of personal and internal work that was required to even make it to the production. Acknowledging and naming my boxes wasn’t easy. Choosing to put my boxes out there from the world to see was an even harder decision to make, but it was worth it. Up until the final dress rehearsal, I was still writing, reading, seeking, searching for who I would be without the box, who I could be without the box and how scary it is to enter this unknown place without the box(es) I have always known. In the end, all the work was worth it. Physically destroying the box each night brought me one step closer to meeting a new version of myself. By Saturday night, I didn’t recognize myself, but in the most beautiful way. 5. “What’s next?” o I am a firm believer that if you are truly passionate about something then you will do anything to continue it. That being said, I have decided to turn my experience, again drawing from an integral element of Black feminist theory, to lift as I climb, into something tangible. As I seek continued liberation, I desire to bring my sisters with me. While I find it hard to describe what this liberation feels like, I believe that I exemplify what it looks like and desire for others to experience it. In order to expand my reach, I have founded the Healing Story Project. The Healing Story Project is a campaign I created in order to give voice to women, mostly focusing on Black women, on their quest to acknowledging, naming and destroying the boxes that have kept them bound. It is a passion of mine to be a voice for the voiceless and to provide visibility to the often invisible. It is my hope hat with this project, I create a platform to teach other women and girls the

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importance of self-definition, self-actualization and liberation in finding and becoming their most authentic self. The Healing Story Project soft launched on, Wednesday, June 5th at the D.I.V.A. Institute held at Miami University. I designed and taught a two-day workshop to about 28 Black and Latinx young women ages 16-22 about how to use and turn their personal experiences into performative pieces with the hopes of taking their audiences through their journey and encouraging them to take the journey themselves. I have added a course description as well as images from the program as an artifact to this portfolio.44

Conclusion

The practice of storytelling or Narrative45 is deeply rooted in African American culture. It is a tradition based on the continuity of wisdom, and it functions to assert the voice of the oppressed. Storytelling is not merely a means of entertainment. It is also an educational tool, and for many, it is a way of life. For others, it is the only way to comprehend, analyze and deal with life.46 - Jewel Amoah Storytelling is a way of life. It is how I have come to make sense of myself and the world around me. It is how I have chosen to educate others and is the way by which I was educated. Storytelling has taught me how to use my voice not just for myself, but to amplify the voice of the voiceless. Performance grants us the opportunity to share our stories. The unique ability to not only tell our stories, but to reenact, put movement to, and bring life to our stories on stage has proven to be a liberatory experience for both the storyteller and the audience. When I set out to create this project, I was coming from a place of pain. I entered this creative endeavor confused and knowing that somehow, I couldn’t be the only one in this space. My goal was to create a performance that was not just entertaining but allowed myself to rise victorious over this pain and grant my audience permission to begin the process of rising above their own as well. It is with

44 pg 72 45 These two terms are more or less used interchangeably. 46 Jewel Amoah. Narrative: The Road to Black Feminist Theory. Berkley Journal of Gender, Law & Justice. Volume 12. Issue 1. Article 5. 37 great enthusiasm that I was able to do just that and I can’t wait to see what this practice looks like in the future because there’s no turning back.

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OUT OF THE BOX

A ONE-WOMAN SHOW

By

KELCEY ANYA´

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SETTING/AT RISE: The stage is mostly bare. There is a single, small table with a chair. There is a box big enough for the actor to fit in. It’s a beautiful, attractive box. Perhaps decorated with a tapestry, LED lights, pictures, etc. There’s a note inside of an envelope that is taped to the outside of the box.

SCENE ONE

(Lights up on Young Me as she enters with her backpack and heads to the table. She begins to pull out her school assignments. She’s about to begin her homework when she pulls out her grades from her last tests.)

Young Me: MOM!! I got another A on my spelling test! And my math test!!

(YM does happy dance; the following lines are said sing-songy/child-like while continuing homework)

Oh yeah! Uh huh! I’m going to have all A’s for the rest of my life! If it’s not an A, then I don’t want it. Smart kids get A’s. And I’m a smart kid! Oh yeaaah! (beat)

(YM continues to work on her homework. She eventually notices the box. The box is beautiful. It’s big enough for the actor to stand inside of it. It’s decorated. Perhaps with a tapestry, some twinkle lights, pictures… things that would be alluring enough to want to enter into the box.)

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YM: Huh? What’s that? What’s it doing here? (YM inspects the box, inside and out) Cooooool. I wonder if I can fit inside. (YM steps inside the box) Hey! I fit! And there’s room to spread out. (YM continues to examine the box. She begins to pull out various items inside of the box.) Ooh! Look! There’s a stethoscope, some gloves and a mask. Ooh and dance shoes! Hey, there’s a Bible and lots of cool books. And it’s so comfortable. Is this for me? Where did this come from? I wonder if mom knows that this is here? (YM contemplates calling out to her mom and asking then changes her mind.) Finders keepers! It’s so pretty and has a bunch of my favorites in it so it must be for me, right? Yep! I never want to leave this place. This is where I belong! It feels… safe! From now, on, I’m going to do all my homework in here and when I get older, it can come with me to college!

(YM runs out and grabs her backpack grabs her homework)

I’m going to make all the friends with this thing! Who wouldn’t want to hang out here? Watch! I’m going to be the most popular kid in school!

(YM continues to investigate the box; both inside and around it. She notices an envelope taped to the outside of the box. (The audience has been able to see the envelope all along but YM just notices it). She opens it and finds a letter addressed to herself and begins to read it.) What’s this?

Dear Me,

Welcome! You’ve finally found your box! It was made especially for you! You can spend the rest of your life here, if you want. Here you’ll have all A’s in school. And you can dance too, but only for fun because you will become a doctor, find your husband, have 3 kids and the dog (ooh a puppy, YES!) you’ve always wanted. Your parents will be so proud of you! Be sure to take this box with you everywhere that you go. As long as you

41 stay in you will be safe. And safety matters. Remember that. Now, there are a few rules that come with this gift and should you accept, that’s it, the box is yours! 1. You must be a good kid! That means no getting in trouble in school, church or at home. Do what you’re told, respect your elders and be nice to others. Okay. I can handle that.

2. You must work your butt off for good grades. A’s are what we want; Nothing less. Good grades. Check!

3. Remember that you’re a Christian. Your grandparents are pastors and your parents are in ministry and you represent the family. Right! WWJD! What Would Jesus Do?... be perfect, duuuh!

4. You’re a lady. Ladies dress modestly, don’t use bad language. They marry good men and take care of their families. Okaaaay!

5. Remember, always that you’re Black, but you’re not like those “other” Black people. You speak proper English, you aren’t loud, you aren’t ghetto. This world isn’t for you; you just live here. I’m not even sure I know what that means, but okay. I can do that too!

That’s it! Remember to follow these five simple rules and this box is yours forever.

Xoxo, Life

P.S. If you keep it in good enough shape, you can pass it along to your future daughter.

Sign here!

(YM signs the letter, folds the letter and puts back in the envelope.)

That doesn’t seem too hard. I think I can do it! WOW! This is so cool! I can’t wait to add more decorations. This is the best day of my life!

End Scene

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SCENE TWO

(Young Me hears her parents arguing off stage- VO)

MOM: I’M SO SICK OF YOU NEVER PULLING YOUR WEIGHT AROUND HERE. DAD: PULLING MY WEIGHT? I WORK MY ASS OFF FOR THIS FAMILY. YOU WOULDN’T HAVE THIS HOUSE IF IT WASN’T FOR ME! MOM: AND YOU STILL WOULDN’T HAVE THIS HOUSE IF IT WEREN’T FOR ME! DAD: I DON’T WANT TO HEAR THIS AGAIN MOM: OH YOU ‘GON HEAR IT AGAIN AND AGAIN AND AGAIN! DON’T YOU WALK AWAY FROM ME WHEN I’M TALKING TO YOU! DAD: LISTEN WOMAN, I’M NOT DOING THIS WITH YOU! MOM: OH YES, YOU ARE. I'M NOT DONE WITH YOU...

(Throughout the above VO, young me runs and hides in her box.)

YM: I HATE when they argue like that. It’s scary. I’m just gonna hang out in here. It’s safer…

(YM looks for refuge with her Bible then remembers the letter/ She pulls out the letter again and rereads it, she reads number 3 aloud)

“Remember that you’re Christian. Your grandparents are pastors and your parents are in ministry and you represent your family.” Well, my pastor said that in order to truly be a Christian, you have to get saved. So on Sunday, I’m going to the altar.

(Scene transitions as “He Wants It All” starts to play, YM is at the altar in prayer and worship. After a moment, begins to recite the prayer of salvation.)

Dear Lord God, I come, Confessing in my sins And repentance of those sins. Lord, come into my heart

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And create in me a clean heart And renew a right Spirit within me. Lord, I promise to serve You, For the rest of my days And I know And I believe now That I am saved.

Now that I’m saved, I can be more like Christ. Christ was perfect so I can be too! This is so exciting…

(“He Wants it All” continues play; YM starts praise dancing… music begins to fade into dark, angsty music. As YM dances, she feels as though the walls of the box are caving in on her.) END SCENE

SCENE THREE (Middle School Me enters from school. She appears disappointed that the box is still there)

MSM: Got a B on this science test… it’s okay though. B’s aren’t that bad.

(She pauses. The box is speaking to her.)

Box: We don’t do B’s… we agreed on A’s.

MSM: Yes, I know we agreed on A’s but this test was really hard! (She listens again)

Box: Your mom is going to be so upset with you.

MSM: What? No. Mom won’t be upset. It’s only one B on ONE test. I can still get an A in the class.

Box: Do you remember rule number 2?

MSM: (Hears the box again) Rule number 2? Yes, I know what rule number 2 is.

Box: Then what is it?

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MSM: It’s “get good grades”… but I don’t think a B is a bad grade. Yes, I know what I signed, but the test was really… (MSM is cut off by the box speaking)

Box: A’s are what we want. Nothing less. Do better.

MSM: (defeated) Yes… I’ll do better next time.

(MSM puts her earbuds in and attempts to do her homework. She’s singing “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child… she can’t concentrate; gets up and grabs her diary from a shelf/table and begins to write.)

MSM: Dear Diary, I think I have a crush! A BIG one! Ryan is so cute! I can’t stop thinking bout her. I can’t stop staring at her during class. Her pink and purple braces… her long braids… she always has the cutest bows in them. I look forward to sitting by her in class everyday… I got lucky because our last names are right next to each other. I’m geeked every time we’re partners in class. It’s like weird though, cuz she’s a girl. But I don’t know, there’s something about her. I can’t stop thinking about her… I think I like her, like her. Is this weird? Is it wrong? I don’t want to talk to mom about it because she already makes a big deal out of everything and I really don’t think she’d be happy. Megan’s mom is always talking to us about all kinds of stuff so I told her about Ryan… She says it’s just a phase. She says it’s a part of growing up and figuring out who you are. She’s probably right. I don’t know, I just know that I really really like Ryan. (beat. MSM gets up and grabs the letter she signed as a child. She reads number 4 then closes the letter a little defeated) Rule number four says to be a lady, use good language and marry a good man. Man I’m supposed to like boys. I’m only supposed to date boys. I will marry a man cuz that’s what I’m supposed to do…

(lights fade.) END SCENE

SCENE FOUR

(Teen Me is listening, singing and dancing along to early 2000s Beyonce trying to find something to wear. She is holding up

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clothes as she looks in the mirror.)

Box: That’s too short.

TM: What? It’s not too short.

Box: Yes, it is!

TM: No, it’s not! Everyone’s wearing them!

Box: You don’t have to be like everyone else.

TM: I know that I don’t have to be like everyone else, but I’m 16. I just want to get cute and go out with my friends. You never want me to have any fun.

Box: Number 4.

TM: (mockingly) Rule number 4. Dress modestly. Blah, Blah, Blah. Screw rule number 4! I’m tired of these stupid ass rules.

Box: What your mouth!

TM: No. I’m not going to watch my mouth! ASS! ASS! ASS!

(In a moment of frustration, Teen Me gets ready to tear the whole box apart but doesn’t. She hits the box before storming out.

TM: I’m wearing the skirt!

(Teen Me exits.)

END SCENE

SCENE FIVE

(Teen Me returns from her night out with her friends. She’s obviously drunk. She comes in and kicks off her shoes.)

TM: WHOO! Tonight was so much fun! (TM stumbles a bit trying to take her shoes off) Whoopsies. (laughs) Omg. That party was so 46 wild. Still the undefeated beer pong champion! Come at me bro! (celebrates) Spin the bottle and 7 minutes in heaven. I made out with Jamal and Brandi. (chuckles to herself) Ahh what a night to remember!

(After a moment, TM gets up to grab her pot stash. Walking back to the chair she stops and briefly stares at the box. It looks a little tattered and neglected. She gets back to her chair and uses her grinder and starts packing her bowl. As she’s about to light the bowl, she hears the box talking.)

Box: What are you doing?

TM: (sarcastically) Hmm.. what am I doing? I’m about to smoke… duh.

Box: You’re drunk.

TM: Way to go Captain Obvious. Yes, I am Drunk and now about to be high. Now hush before you kill my vibe.

Box: Why are you doing this?

TM: Why shouldn’t I do it?

Box: What about the rules?

TM: Okay first of all, fuck those rules. And second of all, there was no rule saying I couldn’t smoke a little pot and have a few beers and some vodka shots, a tequila shot and a four loko or two. (laughs)

Box: Who are you?

TM: Who AM I? Now THAT is a good question! I don’t know. How about you tell me? You’ve been telling me what to do with every other part of my life. Why stop now?

Box: I’m only trying to help you.

TM: HELP ME? More like you’re tormenting me. Everywhere I go I hear your stupid voice telling me not to do this and not to do

47 that. It drives me crazy. I can’t even come home from the best night of my life without you judging me.

Box: I don’t judge you.

TM: Yes you do! You’re judging me right now… (beat) Yo, can you just shut up. I’m just trying to enjoy my buzz and smoke before bed.

Box: Your mom would kill me if she saw you.

TM: You’re right. Mom would kill me if she saw me but good thing she’s not here, huh? She’s never here. She’s never around. She’s probably out with her friends or boyfriend. So what does it matter? As long as I’m her perfect little angel when she’s around I can do whatever the hell I want. Now will you please be shut up? I would like to smoke in peace.

(TM continues to hear the box talking. She gets up and walks over to the box)

TM: Do you have some sort of off switch because you’re seriously killing my vibe. Ugh. I wish I could escape you.

END SCENE

SCENE SIX

(TM feels the box is caving in. She realizes what she has to do; she has to cut. She goes to get her box. She’s made up her decision. She takes out the razor; she begins cutting her wrist.)

TM: (almost trance-like) Be like Christ. Christ is perfect. Protect your family’s image. Don’t be ghetto. Don’t be loud. Marry a man. Have kids. Go to school. Straight A’s. Become a doctor. Be perfect. Gotta be perfect. If you’re not perfect, then what’s the point. Must be perfect. Mom won’t love me if I’m not perfect. Daddy won’t love me if I’m not perfect. I can’t be perfect. Doesn’t matter how hard I try. Jesus was perfect. But I’m not Jesus. God probably hates me ‘cause I’m not good enough. I mean why would He love me? I couldn’t even live up the rules that came with that stupid box. How am I supposed to live up to

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God’s? I just thought… I just thought that God would always be here… (TM quiets down and focuses on her cutting)

TM: God, where are you? I’ve done everything and it still doesn’t feel like enough. You’ve left me. Just like everybody else. That book of yours said that you wouldn’t leave or forsake me but where are You? Why did You give me this stupid box? I just knew it was a gift from You but has been nothing but hell. I followed every single rule on that stupid list and I feel like nothing is good enough! Nothing! So where are You? I should’ve known you would abandon me just like everyone else… (to the box) and YOU! I HATE YOU!! You ruin everything! I wish I would never have gotten into this stupid fucking box in the first place! Who cares if I swear?! I can say whatever I want. Would you just go away? PLEASE! I don’t want you anymore. I don’t care about that dumbass letter I signed. I was 7. Who lets a seven-year-old sign anything anyway? I’m going to get rid of you. You can’t stay here anymore. LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE!

(TM starts to tear pieces of the box apart. The box is still standing.)

TM: (exhausted and crying) I can’t do this anymore. If I can’t get rid of you, then I’ll get rid of me. I’m done. I’m done with those rules and I’m done with you. I can’t live up to this. And I refuse to keep trying…

(TM pulls out a bottle of pills and takes them all to the head. She moves away from the box and lies down.)

BLACK OUT

(Lights fade up. TM wakes up disoriented and groggy. She didn’t outsmart the box. It’s still there and so is she. It dawns on her that she may never be able to get rid of it)

TM: What?... How?...

(TM inspects the box. It’s still beat up from her trying to destroy it, but it’s still standing… After a while she begins to put the box back

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together. Rehangs the decorations and fixes any tears with colorful tape.)

FADE TO BLACK OUT END SCENE

SCENE SEVEN

(Scene opens with YA Me looking in the mirror and admiring her new nose right)

Box: Your mom is going to be very disappointed in you.

YA Me: What? Mom’s not going to be disappointed in me. It’s just a nose ring. (trying to convince herself more than anyone else) It’s not like I’m getting tattoos. It’s not permanent. I can take it out whenever I want, it’s fine. Besides it’s my nose. I can do with it what I want.

Box: This is not part of the plan.

YA Me: The plan? Screw the plan! I’m over the plan and I’m over you. It’s what I wanted, so I did it. I’m sick of you trying to control me. I’m going to go show mom. I bet you she’ll love it!

(YA Me puts in earphones and calls her mom on Facetime to show her the new piercing)

YA Me: Hey mom! Look what I go—

Mom: What’s that in your nose?

YA Me: That’s what I called to show you! I got my nose pierce! Don’t you just love it? It’s cute right?

Mom: What the hell possessed you to do that?

YA Me: What do you mean possessed me? Nothing possessed me. I’ve always wanted my nose pierced.

Mom: Well clearly you were possessed by something because no child of God or of mine would do such a thing!

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YA Me: Mom, it’s not a big deal. Relax, I just—

(YA Me is interrupted by her mom praying)

YA Me: Why are you praying?

Mom: Because clearly some demonic spirit has crawled up in you.

YA Me: Mom, stop I’m NOT possessed. I’m still saved… the Bible doesn’t say anything about me not getting my nose pierced. It’s not like it’s a tattoo… I can take it out!

Mom: Then as long as you’re in my house, I want it out of your nose!

YA Me: You want me to take it out? I seriously can’t wear it in your house?

Mom: In the whole city!

YA Me: The whole city?! What?

Mom: As long as you are home visiting ME, you will NOT have that THING in your nose.

YA Me: Are you serious?? I really can’t wear it when I come home?

Mom: Do I need to repeat myself?

YA Me: No ma’am!

Mom: Do you understand me?

YA Me: (defeated) No, I don’t understand. I’m sorry you’re upset, but it’s not about you… I’ll talk to you later. Love you. Bye.

END SCENE

SCENE EIGHT

(Lights up on “YA Me” arriving at the restaurant to meet her date. The

51

following dialogue from the date are not spoken by anyone.)

YA Me: Brandon?

Date: Yes, Kelcey?

YA Me: Yes, hi. It’s nice to meet you!

Date: You as well. Have you ever been here before?

YA Me: No, I haven’t been here yet. One of my girlfriends was telling me about it. She says the food’s really good.

Date: Oh nice. So tell me about yourself.

YA Me: (YA Me gives the answer that she always gives… it sounds almost rehearsed) Okay… well I’m from the South. I’m the youngest of two. Parents are divorced. I’m Biochemistry, Pre-Med and I want to be neurological or cardiovascular surgeon. You?

Date: Sounds like you’ve got it all figured out. I’m from here. Only child. I don’t know my major yet. I’m just seeing where life takes me.

YA Me: Where life takes you? So, you don’t have a plan? No safety net? You’re just floating by?

Date: I mean, school just started. I have time. Don’t you ever just sit back and see where life takes you? With no step by step plan? Just see what happens?

YA Me: Just see what happens? Nope. Never. I’ve had my life planned out since I was like 7 years old. I’ve always known I was going to be a doctor. The only thing that changed was the type.

Date: That’s boring.

YA Me: Excuse me? Boring?

Date: I just mean having a plan for everything you’re ever going to do for your life has to be a little boring don’t you think? Where’s the adventure? Okay, so if you couldn’t be a doctor, what would you be?

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YA Me: If I couldn’t be a doctor? Nothing… I’m going to be a doctor. That’s all I’ve ever wanted to be so that’s what I’ll be.

Date: Oh come on! There’s nothing you’d ever wanted to be besides a doctor?

(YA Me stares at her box for a moment then looks back at her date.)

YA Me: I guess deep down, I’ve always wanted to be a dancer and to have my own Youtube channel or blog, but that’ll never happen, so med school it is. (awkward chuckle)

(YA Me sits in uncomfortable silence for a few moments… the date has gotten awkward)

Date: Why not?

YA Me: Why not? Because I’m going to medical school. What med student do you know that has time to run a blog and a Youtube channel? Let alone take dance classes? Look, can we change the subject?

(The rest of the date is awkward, the audience doesn’t see how the date ended, but they know it couldn’t have been good.)

END SCENE

SCENE NINE

(YA Me enters after a day at work. She’s holding mail and finds a larger envelope. It’s a letter from a graduate program she applied to.)

Adult Me: Oh my god is this… (she frantically opens the letter)

Adult Me: Dear Candidate,

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Congratulations on your offer of admission to Graduate School…

(YA squeals in excitement then speed reads through the rest of the letter)

Sincerely,

Director of Graduate Studies in Theatre

Adult Me: I got in! I got in!! Oh my god, I’m going to grad school. For theatre. (realizing what she’s done) This is happening. But what about my job? What about my apartment? What are people going to think? Can I really do this? It’s not a part of the plan. You probably can’t get much further from medical school than theatre. Wait, I’m going to have to move. Is this really what I want? What if it doesn’t work out. Then what? (shakes off the thoughts of negativity) No. I’m going to do this. I’m doing this. (YA Me pulls out her laptop and begins to draft her acceptance email.)

Adult Me: Dear Admissions Committee, thank you for the acceptance into the master’s program in theatre. I would like to formally accept my admission to the program. I look forward to what’s to come.

Sincerely, (Lights fade to black)

END SCENE

SCENE TEN

(Lights up on Adult Me packing up her belongings for her grad school move. She’s putting things into boxes and looks over and sees her box.)

Adult Me: I’m not taking you with me. You don’t serve me. You were never what I wanted. You were what everyone else wanted. But I was so damn afraid of what everyone else would think. I

54 was so stupid. I missed out on so much. I hated myself every day that I was with you. I thought if I could just kill myself, I would be rid of you forever. (chuckles) I never wanted to die. I just couldn’t bear the thought of living with you anymore. But done running. I refuse... I’m finally ready to be free and to learn what it means to be ME. You said if I kept you in good shape, I could pass you along to my daughter… I would never. This is it. I’m done. I’m done with you. This is goodbye.

(music plays… Adult Me freedom dance and final destruction and elimination of the box. As Adult Me has finished her dance and destruction of the box, they twinkle a time or two as she gives the box one final look then they stop (beat) BLACK OUT)

END OF PLAY

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Media

Screen capture of Out of the Box trailer https://youtu.be/FDYi6BAs-ns

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Cut Scenes Young Me: • Don’t ask, don’t tell.” - Sexual abuse and silence § Box: Silence

Middle School Me: • “Omg I’ve never heard you sound so Black” - Alicia o Our relationships to white women and Black men are still the primary definers of our feminism. § Box: “The perception of others”

Young Adult Me: • “You’re so light on your feet” - a backhanded compliment about me as a dancer. I was always a “plus sized dancer” never just a dancer. § Box: “Imposter Syndrome” • Cool enough hang with, pretty enough to fuck, not good enough to date” o The many Black boys I was “friends” are more with who never found me suitable to date. § Box: “Inadequacy”

Adult Me: • The only… again. o Trying to navigate graduate school with little to no help. o Finding Black women/tribe elsewhere. o “As a Black woman, I used to feel that the world wanted me to stay in my little box, black women often feel underestimated.” - Beyoncé HOMECOMING documentary. § Box: “Isolation”

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Testimonials

Screen capture of video testimony by Brandon H. https://youtu.be/Gs2GCFOgLHc

“Let me tell you about Kelcey. This amazing creative woman (who I have the joy of calling my friend) who wrote and acted out an entire show describing her life and her experiences inside of a box. She told a story of how her box controlled her, dictated the rules she had to live by, and chose the direction for her life. Rules like ‘ don’t be too loud,’ ‘be perfect like Jesus,’ ‘don’t be ghetto’, ‘marry a man’, ‘have kids’, ‘get good grades’. She depicted the voices we all hear inside our own heads that hold us back from being our truest versions of ourselves. She revealed how many of us live our lives: trapped inside a box, or rather boxes. Kelcey encourages us to ‘let change happen; you can choose to be stagnant, but you won’t be happy.’ She told us to ‘surround ourselves with people who see the change in us even before we do’ and she pleased with us to ‘get fed up with our box; once you’re no longer content, you destroy it [the box] and make the conscious effort not to rebuild it’. So friends and followers—I ask you—what are your boxes? I know that mine entail things like ‘don’t be too much for others’, ‘please everyone around you’, ‘do what feels comfortable and least committal’, ‘you have to earn

58 the grace you get’. It’s time to step out of our boxes. Stop letting the voice inside of your head have control. Step #outofthebox. Where there’s liberation and freedom.”- Hannah A.

“It gave me chills. I hope that you do take your show to a wider audience. I know there are so many people that you are going to touch. – Latesha M.

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Kelcey Anyá Broomfield THE 605 Dr. Christiana Molldrem Harkulich Spring 2018 Telling Our Own Stories: Exploring the Self-definition and Self-valuation of Black Female Characters in Performance through Narrative Black feminist thought cannot challenge race, gender and class oppression without empowering Black women. “Oppressed people resist by identifying themselves as subjects, by defining their reality, shaping their new identity, naming their history, telling their story.47

The practice of storytelling or Narrative48 is deeply rooted in African American culture. It is a tradition based on the continuity of wisdom, and it functions to assert the voice of the oppressed. Storytelling is not merely a means of entertainment. It is also an educational tool, and for many, it is a way of life. For others, it is the only way to comprehend, analyze and deal with life.49

The use of Narrative50 is essential to the sociopolitical makeup of the Black51 community, particularly the Black female community. Two key themes in Black feminist thought include self-definition and self-valuation.52 Self-definition as Patricia Hill Collins defines it “involves

47 Patricia Hill Collins, Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment (New York and London: Routledge, 2000), 34. (quoting Bell Hooks, Talking Back: Thinking Feminist, Thinking Black43 (1989)). 48 These two terms are more or less used interchangeably throughout the essay. 49 Jewel Amoah. Narrative: The Road to Black Feminist Theory. Berkley Journal of Gender, Law & Justice. Volume 12. Issue 1. Article 5. 50 The use of capitalizing “Narrative” is a means of elevating the importance of word. It is not simply a style but a way of life and a foundational method of Black Feminist Theory. 51 I use Black throughout as to recognize the varying experiences of the African Diaspora represented in what is deemed “Black culture.” 52 Patricia Hill Collins. “Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought.” Social Problems 33. 16. 60 challenging the political knowledge-validation process53 that has resulted in externally-defined stereotypical images of Afro-American womanhood.” While “self-valuation stresses the content of Black women’s self-definitions—namely replacing externally-derived images with authentic Black female images.”54 Black feminists have found themselves questioning not only what has been said about Black women, but also the credibility and intentions of those possessing the power to define. “When Black women define themselves, they clearly reject the taken-for- granted assumption that those in positions granting them the authority to describe and analyze reality are entitled to do so… the act of insisting on Black female self-definition validates Black women’s power as human subjects.”55 Many of the attributes attributed to Black female stereotypes are distorted interpretations of aspects of Black female behavior seen as most threatening to white patriarchy.56 Aggressive Black women are threatening because they challenge white patriarchal definitions of femininity and labeling them Sapphires reflect an effort to put all women in their place. Within the entertainment sector, Black women have fallen victim to their identities being distorted and mass produced impacting their everyday lived experiences. It is the lived experience of the Black woman that serves as the epistemology of Black feminist thought. The use of Narrative provides a foundation for which Black women use their voices to tell their own stories. It is the telling of these stories that build community among Black women through shared experiences and knowledge.57 “The narrative method requires that the story be ‘told, not torn apart in analysis and trusted as core belief, not admired as science’.”58 This “trust as core belief “is essential to the narrative method as it is respected amongst Black communities that the concrete knowledge of lived experience makes you the expert. Some feminist scholars claim that collectively, women are more likely to use concrete knowledge in assessing

53 For more information on the knowledge-validation process, see Patricia Hill Collins’ Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought. 54 Ibid 16 55 Ibid 17 56 Ibid 17 57 Knowledge referring to Peter L. Berger and Thomas Luckmann’s two levels of knowledge; (1) every day, taken-for-granted knowledge shared by members of a given group and (2) the more specialized knowledge furnished by experts who are part of a group and who express the group’s standpoint. See Peter L. Berger and Thomas Luckmann, The Social Construction of Reality (New York: Doubleday, 1966) 58 Henry H. Mitchell and Nicholas Cooper Lewter, Soul Theology: The Heart of American Black Culture (San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1986). 61 knowledge claims. In a study including 135 women as “connected knowers”, a substantial number of them were drawn to the sort of knowledge that stems from first-hand observation. These women felt that since knowledge comes from experience, the best way to understand another person’s ideas was to try to share the experiences that lead them to that idea. 59 In valuing concrete knowledge, Black women establish community and support in defining and valuing self through the use of Narrative. I would argue that within performance, the use of self to depict the lived experiences of Black women is an extension of Narrative. Using the Black female body to discuss and explore the nuanced experiences of Black womanhood serves as an avenue by which the Narrative tradition remains strong and alive within the modern context. In this essay, I seek to explore the ways in which Narrative is used in the self-definition and self- valuation of Black, female, millennial60 aged characters in television61 and seek to theorize the ways in which this method can be translated to the stage. Before I begin my analysis, I must first acknowledge my entry point into this topic. As a Black, millennial aged, woman, I found that the images of Black women witnessed in television, film and the stage were ones that told me that the very core of who I am is not enough. These images perpetuated a notion that to be Black is wrong, to be woman is inferior and to be both is a cardinal sin. Additionally, the images I saw were rarely, if at all, of Black women of my generation. As time progressed, shows like ABC’s American Koko (2017) and HBO’s Insecure (2016) began to surface. They explore what it means to be a Black woman in the millennial generation and are written in a way that call upon the likened lived experiences of other millennial aged Black women for clout. I would argue that with implicit or explicit understanding, the writers of these shows call upon the collective identity encouraged through Black feminist thought that offer “Black women a different view of themselves and their world than that offered by the established social order. This different view encourage[s] African-

59 Mary Belenky, Blythe Clinchy, Nancy Goldberger, and Jill Tarule, Women’s Ways of Knowing (New York: Basic, 1986), 113. 60 Millennial meaning ages 22-37 according to the Pew Research Center. For more information, see: Michael Dimock. “Defining Generations: Where Millennials End and Post-Millennials Begin.” Pew Research Center (blog), March 1, 2018. http://www.pewresearch.org/fact- tank/2018/03/01/defining-generations-where-millennials-end-and-post-millennials-begin/. 61 I use television here to mean the ways in which the viewing of television has shifted to include webisodes and streaming networks such as Netflix, Hulu, HBOgo, ABCgo, etc. 62

American women to value their own subjective knowledge base.” 62 In this essay, I will analyze the ways in which Narrative is used as a method of self-definition and self-valuation63 in ABC’s American Koko and HBO’s Insecure (2016). I will then seek to theorize the ways in which this process may be duplicated for the stage, if at all. The rationale behind selecting ABC’s American Koko (2017) and HBO’s Insecure (2016) is that the fact that the main characters are both Black and female are a central and key component to the plot and trajectory of each show. Additionally, each show is written by Black women. This is important when discussing the use of Narrative in self-defining and self- valuation. Not only do both shows incorporate the lived experiences of Black women written by a Black woman, but the writer of both shows is also the main character. As I seek to explore the implementation to the stage, I plan to do this in a solo format, thus the importance of the writer and main character being one in the same as I will be both playwright and performer. I will discuss more on this later in the essay. ABC’s American Koko (2017) created by Diarra Kilpatrick follows the life of Akosua “KoKo” Miller, lead agent of the E.A.R. (Everybody’s A little Racist) as she investigates and solves issues of race in a post post-racial America. As Koko works diligently on each case she encounters, the hardest may be her own—she was recently cured of “angry black woman syndrome.” 64 Kilpatrick takes a satirical approach to staging the Black woman’s experience65. She approaches the often tough conversations about race relations through a comedic point of view while maintaining the deep seeded moments of resonance with her Black female audience members. In a 2016 statement about Kilpatrick, the show’s producer Viola Davis says:

62 Patricia Hill Collins. “The Social Construction of Black Feminist Thought.” Signs: Journal of Women in Culture and Society 14, no. 4 (July 1989): 745–73. https://doi.org/10.1086/494543. 63 Self, referring to Patricia Hill Collins’ self-defining and self-valuation. 64 Aramide Tinubu. Viola Davis Is Producing Comedy Series ‘American Koko’ Online - EBONY.” http://www.ebony.com/entertainment-culture/can-watched-viola-davis-produced- comedy-series-american-koko-online. 65 It is important to note here that there is not a singular Black female experience. While common themes link Black women’s lives, these themes are experienced differently based on the varying intersections with class, age, sexual preferences, etc. “There is no monolithic Black women’s culture, but rather socially constructed Black women’s cultures that form Black women’s culture.” P.H. Collins. For more information in Black women’s culture see Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought (22) 63

She has a unique voice that transcends her generation. American Koko is brutally honest about race relations but avoids the trap of being an indictment. Rather it is a bold, brave cultural reveal handled with sensitivity, vulnerability, honesty and humor.66

Kilpatrick’s approach to depicting Black womanhood is an extension of Narrative. Narrative is about the lived experience; it is the ability to tell one’s story. Kilpatrick gets to the heart of Narrative by finding the common threads that link together varying cultures within the women of the African diaspora. An example of using this thread is the opening scene of season 1, episode 1 “Meet Koko.” We see Koko in a trench coat walking to an unknown car. As she enters the car, she gives the driver a bag which appears to be a payment for some type of illegal transaction67. We soon discover that Koko has given an Asian woman Black hair care products, a charted breakdown of curl patterns and textures and a pack of combs to do her adopted Nigerian daughter’s “4C” hair. Koko reprimands the woman for not seeking the proper knowledge needed to do her daughter’s hair prior to adopting her and points her to YouTube for more information. She walks away satisfied that she has helped yet another client out of a sticky racial situation. A second example in the pilot episode is when Koko attempts to attend a (predominantly white) party hosted by her white best girlfriend. Before entering the party, her friend informs her that there are a few additional unexpected guests at the party. She steps outside to warn Koko of their overuse of the word “awesome” which Koko retorts “You know how I feel about the overuse of that word by your people!”, a comedic colloquial quip among Blackness, and plea with her to be “nice” and “cordial.” Koko agrees but soon finds herself not in the acceptable party small talk, but rather swimming in conversations on politics and race relations, despite being specifically asked not to by her best friend. What Kilpatrick does in American Koko is provide a catharsis to Black women by not only depicting a commonality in our lived experiences, but likewise does so in a way that informs others of those experiences. “Storytelling is not merely a means of entertainment. It is

66 Tinubu 67 This assumption is based upon the numerous television shows and movies that show similar depict drugs and weapons deals in a sketchy ally, an unmarked car and suspicious paranoia of the parties involved. 64 also an educational tool…”68 American Koko’s satire provides a look into the minds of Black women when facing particular situations such as the hair scene. While most Black women probably have not been in a place where they are providing an “other” with the utensils and products needed to do their Black daughter’s hair, they have more than likely experienced a situation where they needed to explain the differences in their hair care routine and others. The comedy in Koko’s approach is that she is given the freedom to say the things we often want to say. As mentioned above, women’s emphasis on concrete knowledge through lived experiences give way to the want to know how an idea is contrived. By offering a look at the experiences and thoughts of Black women, Diarra Kilpatrick extends and expands this method of Narrative through the small screen. HBO’s Insecure created by Issa Rae follows the life of best friends Issa and Molly. An unknown source describes the show as follows: Modern-day Black women might be described as strong and confident; in other words, just the opposite of Issa and Molly. As the best friends deal with their own real-life flaws, their insecurities come to the fore as together they cope with an endless series of uncomfortable everyday experiences.69 Developed in part from her YouTube based webseries, MisAdventures of an Awkward Black Girl, Issa Rae’s Insecure is a hilarious, drama-filled, everyday depiction of Black girl realness. Rae shows a rawness of dating and relationships, sexual freedom and exploration, workplace stress and microagressions and the sisterhood of Black female friendships. These depictions and the name Insecure, itself, counteract the “strong, Black woman” portrayal projected on to Black women that dehumanizes them and minimizes their ability to express genuineness. Insecure not only redefines what society has said it means to be a Black woman but also provides a self- valuation; a replacing of externally-derived images with authentic Black female images. Counteracting the depiction of Black womanhood that are often only seen as strong70, aggressive

68 Amoah, Narrative. 69 Quote provided by a Google description. Source unknown. 70 The word strong is seen as a negative in this context because by labeling an entire group (ie Black women) that have faced discrimination and oppressed based on race, class, gender, etc. is saying that they are capable of handling the oppression that is placed upon them, thus dehumanizing them. 65 and hypersexual with images of awkwardness, insecurity and sexual exploration coupled with strength offers a more authentic depiction. The pilot episode of Insecure, introduces us to Issa and Molly. We find Issa in an unfulfilled relationship with her boyfriend, Lawrence and Molly lamenting over her inability to maintain one. We additionally learn that Issa is likewise unfulfilled in her job at “We Got Y’all!” a company set to help “kids from the hood” ran predominantly by white people and people not from the hood, while Molly is at the top of her game at a law firm. The episode approaches several different avenues to depicting authenticity in Black womanhood through romantic relationships, or the lack thereof, friendship and the workplace. In relation to romantic relationships, we are provided two perspectives. On one hand, we have Issa, living with her boyfriend Lawrence that she says she’s spent the majority of her twenty’s with, yet feeling as though they are stagnant and not sure what to do. She receives a message from and later connects with old boyfriend, Daniel and is lost in an emotional rollercoaster of who to choose. On the other hand, we have Molly who discusses her repeated failed relationships with Black men, finds herself jealous of her Asian coworker who is dating a Black man, commenting on how Black women love white women, Asian women, Latina women, etc., essentially naming all races but Black women, and has now even failed at attempt to date outside of her race with an Arab man. Issa’s position at her job also tells of the microagressive experience Black women often find themselves in when they are only or one of the only Black women on their jobs. This is depicted through a scene where her white coworkers ask her what “on fleek” means assuming that because she is Black, she would know. The show also explores the dynamics of friendship between Black women. Issa and Molly’s friendship experiences a rollercoaster of emotions through various situations throughout the episode. Issa goes from wanting to cheer Molly up about her relationship problems to being cussed out by Molly after dropping her off at home from a night at the club. What we see at the end of the episode if Issa showing up at Molly’s door with a bag of chips and a jar of dip. While the specific details of their fight would vary between Black women, Issa Rae clearly engages the nuances of what true friendship looks like. That through thick and thin, the friendship remains. She shows a level of authenticity often missing with portraying Black women in media. And does all of this while engaging colloquialism rooted in African American Vernacular English (AAVE), an essential element to the lived Black woman’s experience. The usage of the word “bitch” in various tones, octaves and expressions is

66 an example of these colloquialisms. Unlike American Koko, Insecure explores a different extension of Narrative. Rather than using satirical, parodied expressions of everyday lived experiences, it foregrounds the experiences in their raw and authentic form. It focuses on the self-valuation component of Narrative by providing authenticity and realness to the characters. Rather than using the coded experiences found in American Koko, it instead puts these experiences right into the audiences faces. By doing so, the concrete knowledge of experience is validated through the Black women who watch and discuss the show’s content. Both Kilpatrick and Rae approach the method of Narrative through the lived experiences of Black women. While Kilpatrick codes these experiences in satire and comedy, she still manages to tell our stories. Rae, on the other hand, approaches Narrative with an authenticity and realness often absent in the stories of Black women in entertainment. What both of these shows allow for through the use of the narrative method is the depiction of these stories as truth. One cannot attempt to overanalyze and dissect these stories as a science experience, but must accept them as truth; a truth validated by the Black women who view these productions. What Kilpatrick and Rae offer that is new to entertainment is not only a wide representation of Black womanhood and an insight to our inner thoughts and emotions, but the perspective of Black women of the millennial generation. Our lived experiences differ from that of our mothers and grandmothers as we navigate a history of oppression passed down to us and a new found liberation in embracing our autonomy. Traditionally speaking, we tell stories to create bridges71 and to create memory and to create identity. When we share our stories with those within and outside of our communities, we are creating a bridge of empathy. We are sharing a part of ourselves, experiences, that allows for those outside of ourselves to find that moment of resonance and connect. As referenced above, this concrete knowledge of living your experiences gives validity to the self-definition and self- valuation involved in establishing identity. In a 2015 speech, Ann Bogart also references another reason to tell stories: “to get unstuck.”72 She says “it’s very important to actually tell your own story, because the story that you tell creates your future.” When constantly defined at the hands

71 Anne Bogart “The Role of Storytelling in the Theatre of the Twenty-First Century.” HowlRound Theatre Commons. http://howlround.com/the-role-of-storytelling-in-the-theatre-of- the-twenty-first-century. 72 Ibid 67 of another, it becomes evident how an entire people can feel “stuck” by the definitions and depicts heaped upon them. Bogart quotes, a NPR interview with Terry Gross as he says “I own everything I hear.” Bogart asserts that “whatever you experience in your life becomes a tool and it’s yours.” 73 The tools one picks up along the way are the tools used to deconstruct and reconstruct perceptions of your identity. When telling stories before an audience, the audience pays attention. It is with their attention in your grasp, that you obtain the power to introduce new concepts, new ideas and new perspectives. This introduction is hinged upon the use of emotion. Within the Black community, we learn through the lived experiences of others, it is our lived experience that the becomes the story, the Narrative. It is because of this concept that I derive my argument that within the staging, in theatre, film and television, of Black womanhood, the performance is the narrative and that performance serves as a form of storytelling. The performance of Narrative invokes a duality of experience. The audience is witnessing a story of Narrative, played out through the bodies of which the narrative represents. The theatre offers a level of intimacy not afforded by the screen. The ability to pause at will, in television and film, disrupts the emotional invocation of the creator. The theatre requires audience members to stay put, uninhibited by the lure of cell phones, conversations and regular distractions. It calls for all eyes to be placed on those on stage. The narrators are living out their narratives. When Black women are afforded the opportunity to write, produce and tell their own stories, they are making way for self-definition and self-valuation. They are given the autonomy to reconstruct societal markers of identity and produce an authenticity that an outsider cannot. Black women living authentically in a theatrical space invokes a meta portrayal of the Black woman as both narrator and the narrated as her experience serves as the Narrative. One of the elements that the screen provides that the stage does not is the ability to edit. While the writing processes may see similarities, it cannot be ignored that the end result produced on the screen differs from that of the theatrical stage. The editing process afforded to the screen gives way to the use of camera angles and cuts to deliver a cohesive message to audience members. Translating this concept to the stage offers a different set of challenges as throughout the writing process, the playwright must always be aware of the liveness of their production. The live elements add a complex layer to the depiction and staging of lived

73 ibid 68 experiences as in some cases, these experiences are lived, live. In considering ways to take this Narrative performance and introduce it to the intimacy of the theatre, one way that I believe this can be done is through solo performance. Solo performances are intrinsically stories as they trace an experience or series of experiences through an arch of character[s] development that leads to the traditional plot elements. I assert that the use of solo performance is a stepping stone toward transferring this narrative method to the stage. The self-definition and self-valuation rooted in Black feminist thought found in the formulation of Narrative through lived experience, written, produced and performed by a Black woman gives way to the expression and identification of self in theatre. This expression and identification of self, coupled with cultural group identity rooted in Black culture, provides a platform for Black women to reclaim their voices and identity. Unlike the screen, the theatre offers a similar intimacy to that of “story time” as children gather around the feet of the narrator entrusting them to transport them to a world where they can explore their curiosity and learn from the creator. By these guidelines, I believe that I, a Black woman, by using the lived experiences of myself and the Black women I have encountered can create a production that keeps alive the tradition of storytelling or Narrative within the Black female community, but in a modern context. As both actor and playwright, I participate in the upholding of the self-definition and self-valuation principles of Black feminist thought; self-definition by using my Black female experience as the inspiration for what it means to be a Black woman, to me, and self-valuation by staging an authenticity that is culturally universal despite not being a monolithic group. With this in mind, I believe that the importance here lies in the actor and creator of the piece identifying as Black women. It is having the identity of a Black woman that is central to the creation of a production that self-defines and self-values; self being the operative word. While my research seeks to implement this method into that of a solo performance, I foresee an argument for the use of multiple characters whose identities align such as that of Ntoake Shange’s For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf. It is the use of “colored” bodies, both her own and that of the actors, that substantiate her depiction of Narrative. From slave ships to today, the use of Narrative is deeply rooted in Afro-American culture. Its tradition based on the continuity of wisdom, and its function to assert the voice of the oppressed serves as the foundation of identity for many. Our ancestors have developed and

69 provided ways to ensure that we forget not who we are as a people. While our individual experiences may differ, the cultural collective established through the threads of similarities link us together as a people. It is through these threads that we substantiate the use of the word community to describe our interlinking communities. The power of Narrative rooted in Black feminist thought is the ability to self-define and self-value. In this we not only challenge the definitions and identities placed upon us by a white dominated, patriarchal society, but we also counteract them with our own authentic images of Black womanhood. The emphasis on self, gives way to the birth of a legacy of storytellers like myself itching to use various platforms to get our stories out and regain control of the narrative. As the tradition of storytelling lifts from the feet of our grandmothers in our youth to the stage and the screen we not only embolden and empower ourselves but educate the masses. The ability to display our lived experiences to an audience outside of our own provides opportunity to begin mass deconstruction of the ways in which Black women are viewed.

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Works Cited

Amoah, Jewel. Narrative: The Road to Black Feminist Theory. Berkley Journal of Gender, Law & Justice. Volume 12. Issue 1. Article 5. Belenky, Mary Blythe Clinchy, Nancy Goldberger, and Jill Tarule. Women’s Ways of Knowing. New York: Basic, 1986. 113. Berger, Peter L. and Thomas Luckmann, The Social Construction of Reality. New York: Doubleday, 1966. Bogart, Anne. “The Role of Storytelling in the Theatre of the Twenty-First Century.” HowlRound Theatre Commons. Accessed May 17, 2018. http://howlround.com/the-role- of-storytelling-in-the-theatre-of-the-twenty-first-century. Collins, Patricia Hill. Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness, and the Politics of Empowerment. New York and London: Routledge, 2000. Collins, Patricia Hill. “Learning from the Outsider Within: The Sociological Significance of Black Feminist Thought.” Social Problems 33, no. 6 (October 1986): S14–32. https://doi.org/10.2307/800672. Collins, Patricia Hill. "The Social Construction of Black Feminist Thought." Signs 14, no. 4 (1989): 745-73. http://www.jstor.org/stable/3174683. Dimock, Michael. “Defining Generations: Where Millennials End and Post-Millennials Begin.” Pew Research Center (blog), March 1, 2018. http://www.pewresearch.org/fact- tank/2018/03/01/defining-generations-where-millennials-end-and-post-millennials- begin/. Mitchell, Henry H. and Nicholas Cooper Lewter, Soul Theology: The Heart of American Black Culture. San Francisco: Harper & Row, 1986. Parks, Suzan-Lori. “An Equation for Black People Onstage.” The America Play and Other Works. New York: Theatre Communications Group, 1995. Tinubu, Aramide. Viola Davis Is Producing Comedy Series ‘American Koko’ Online - EBONY.” http://www.ebony.com/entertainment-culture/can-watched-viola-davis- produced-comedy-series-american-koko-online.

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Annotated Bibliography

Creative Inspirations

Guillory, Elizabeth Brown. THEIR PLACE ON THE STAGE: Black Women Playwrights in America. Greenwood Press. 1986. This important contribution to African American and women's studies analyzes the dramatic works of America's black women playwrights. The plays of such writers as Alice Childress, Lorraine Hansberry, and Ntozake Shange are examined in light of the tradition from which they emerged. She traces the development of African American theatre with its roots in African theatrics, then moves on to discuss women playwrights of the Harlem Renaissance. This book analyzing Black female playwrights, both contemporary and the mothers of the Black Arts Movement provides another look into the resilience, resistance and strength of Black female playwrights in America.

Jacobs-Jenkins, Branden. “‘What to Send Up When It Goes Down’: A Black Gaze.” AMERICAN THEATRE, https://www.americantheatre.org/2019/04/05/what-to-send-up-when-it-goes- down-a-black-gaze/. In this interview, Jenkins engages Aleshea Harris about her methodology and ideology surrounding the creation of her play, What to Send Up When it Goes Down.” Throughout the interview Harris begins to dissect what it means to create work that expresses truth; what it means to put real life Black people, in real life situations, in a way that is not a gaslighting experience. This was the first time I heard articulated what I have been trying to say for months. As a playwright, I want to create a work that puts Blackness and in my specific case, Black girls and women in a real situation, experiencing real emotion that leads to catharsis. I wanted to put a Black woman (me) in a position to experience, real, raw emotion-- something Black women are often left not being able to experience for fear of stereotyping among other things. Harris also talks about the awareness of how the shape of the play could and would change if there were not white people in the audience. She says “Without white people, there’s an absence of Blackness,

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and we get to be human in a different way.” This particular quote hit me because it’s something I have thought about in my work as well. If I were able to perform in a controlled environment where my audience was only Black, I believe that experientially people’s thoughts and responses would differ. For example, because my play does not explicitly deal with race, but rather my journey, I believe that people of all walks of life could relate in part, regardless of race. That being said; however, I do want to specifically show a Black body encountering what my character encounters because I believe that that narrative is often absent. If performed in front of an all-Black audience, Blackness is no longer a defining category and individuality is present. In the presence of individuality, there may be many audience members who would disagree that young Black girls do not get to experience typical teenage angst for example as that was not their experience. In the presence of whiteness, Blackness is always in proximity to whiteness, but in its absence, individual experience takes precedent. So then the question begins, how can we (I) create that experience without removing white people completely from the picture? Lastly, Harris says “this thing happened. Right? I’ve asked myself, for sure, what it means to recreate a Black person being shot? I think there’s a way that it says to everyone in this space, though it’s abstract and it’s aestheticized: This happens… so it’s healing, it’s cathartic, and it’s useful for me to get to yell in the theatre.” While my play does not deal with gun violence, it does deal with suicide attempts and self -arm among other things. Things that often are not associated with Black children. Many of us have heard that “only white girls cut” so imagine our shock and pain when that is our experience but we have nowhere to go. As she stated, my play is also abstract and aestheticized, but it happens. The point is that it happens and in reliving it, it is not only a catharsis for me, but it is also a catharsis for whomever gets to witness and experience it. It happens and that is what is important.

Ntzoake Shange. For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf, Scribner, 1975. Ntzoake Shange’s For Colored Girls Who’ve Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf Shange’s play serves as a foundation and a stepping stone for the beginning works of my One Woman Show. The play follows the lives of 7 women named in colors only and the trials they each faced. In the beginning writing stages, I desired to have multiple characters in the play. Following Shange’s footsteps, I had considered giving the characters numbers or some other

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marking that weren’t specifically names. I was inspired to do this because the names, to me, weren’t what was important, but instead, the fact that these characters could represent any one. Out of the Box ended up as a solo show, but I still followed this model by naming the characters Young Me, Middle School Me, Teenage Me, Young Adult Me and Adult Me.” This was my nod to one of the Mothers of Black Feminist Drama. solo/black/woman: scripts, interviews and essays. Edited by Johnson, Patrick E. and Ramón H. Rivera- Servera. Northwestern University Press. 2014. I chose this book, not necessarily for the plays that are in it, but rather for the format. In shaping the way in which I would like to frame my creative portfolio, I think that I like the lay out of this book. It first starts with the script of several different one woman shows, it continues with an interview with the playwright and concludes with a scholarly essay written on the show. The curation of this portfolio was inspired by the storytelling format of this book. I wanted the reader to follow a journey through reading this portfolio as I did when reading this book.

Black Feminist Theory

Anderson, Lisa M., Black Feminism in Contemporary Drama. University of Illinois Press, 2008. Lisa M. Anderson’s Black Feminism in Contemporary Drama Anderson’s work provides a framework within Contemporary Drama for what it means to be a feminist writer. Anderson begins by exploring the roots of black feminist theatre aesthetic in plays written in the late nineteenth and early twentieth century. She examines the works of contemporary black women playwrights: Pearl Cleage, Breena Clarke, Glenda Dickerson, Suzan-Lori Parks, Kia Cothron, Shirlene Holmes and Sharon Bridgforth. The aim of this text is to establish a contemporary black feminist theatre aesthetic for the twenty-first century that focus on “the elements of the text or performance that invoke a particular history, politics and philosophy of a community.” As for its inspiration, in the final chapter, Anderson provides a comprehensive list of elements to define this aesthetic. “The elements include: the use of black people’s history; the creation of imagined histories to fill in historical gaps; the direct confrontation of racist/sexist images of blacks; the confrontation of black women’s abuse; the demonstration of the effects of institutional racism, an emphasis on the importance of

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reproductive freedom; the incorporation of oral culture; and an examination of the challenges facing young women.” The elements create a framework and guideline by which I created my script, particularly focusing on the challenges facing young women. From my experience and that of other Black women I have encountered, our stories are portrayed differently in the media; specifically within performance. It is rare, if at all that we are afforded an opportunity to see a young or young adult Black girl going through the everyday ups and downs the same way we have seen our white counterparts. For example, I cannot name of the top of my head one show or movie where a young, Black girl was permitted to be angsty, experience depression, explore her sexuality, etc. but can name at least three shows centering young white girls. It is almost as though that narrative has been erased for Black girls. I chose to incorporate and put emphasis on that element of Black feminist writing in performance.

Anderson, Lisa M. Mammies No More: The Changing Image of Black Women on Stage and Screen. Bowman & Littlefield Publishers, INC. 1997. In this book, Anderson explores the ways in which mainstream American plays and films have reflected and helped to reinforce stereotypes of black women. It also shows how African American women playwrights and filmmakers have disrupted those stereotypes by creating more realistic characters. This book reinforces this concept of representation of Black women in performance. Black women are reclaiming their identities by staging realistic characters and resisting the caricatures presented by mostly White writers. Black women have decided to no longer fight for a seat at the table, but rather create a table of their own by which they get to control the rules and subsequently, the narrative.

Anderson, S. S. C. Hegel’s Theory of Recognition: From Oppression to Ethical Liberal Modernity. New York: Continuum Books, 2011. “While unjustly suffering constraints upon one’s opportunities for self-actualization is a necessary condition of oppression, it is not a sufficient one …the hardships you suffer may be severe, both in terms of your compromised ability to sustain your livelihood and the cost to your dignity.” In this book, Anderson shines light on the salient features of oppressed minorities. She engages with Kimbrelé Crenshaw’s intersectionality, but identifying that while sharing a common theme of oppression, members of the Black women, ethnic minorities, LGBTQIA+ individuals

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and other oppressed groups face oppression for differing identifying markers. In a personal quest for self-actualization, Anderson shined light on my own potential uphill battles.

Cooper, Brittney. Eloquent Rage: A Black Feminist Discovers Her Superpower. St. Martin’s Press. 2018. I’ve spent so much of my life attempting to run away from the “Angry Black Woman” stereotype. I shied away from engaging in certain interactions and chose not to speak up at times when I wanted to for fear of being labeled an “angry Black woman.” Cooper, reminds us that a) Black women have every right to be angry and b) in tradition with poet, Audre Lorde, that anger can be a powerful source of energy fueling our strength to keep fighting. There were so many moments in rehearsing Out of the Box where I was afraid to give in to the righteous anger I was experiencing, Cooper’s Eloquent Rage gave me the courage to be angry and the encouragement to use that anger as motivation to not give up.

Beauboeuf-Lafontant, Tamara. “Keeping up Appearances, Getting Fed up: The Embodiment of Strength among African American Women.” Meridians, vol. 5, no. 2, 2005, pp. 104–23. Beaubouef-Lafontant explores the embodiment of “strength” of African American women. This specifically stuck out to me because as a Black woman, I am sick and tired of feeling the need to be strong and “faking it till I make it” for the sake of how African American women are viewed. I do not represent my entire race, though, it can feel that way at times. Beauboeuf-Lafontant dives into this plight of African American women getting fed up with the need to keep up with appearances. She first acknowledges the impact of women as a collective not being afforded the right to be considered fully “human” then further dives into that impact on African American women.

Bridges, Tristan and Mignon R. Moore. Magazine, Contexts. Young Women of Color and Shifting Sexual Identities - Contexts. https://contexts.org/articles/young-women-of-color-and-shifting- sexual-identities/. Web. I found this article particularly important to the experiences of young women of color, namely Black women. I have found that my white counterparts are often privileged with the ability to explore their sexual identities without much fuss, yet that is not the case with young

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women of color. This article explores the nuances of trying to navigate being of color (Black) and queer-- or not, or simply unsure; a luxury many young Black women are not at liberty to discover.

Collins, Patricia Hill. “The Power of Self-Definition”, Black Feminist Thought: Knowledge, Consciousness and the Politics of Empowerment. Routledge. 2000, pp 97-121. This particular chapter of Dr. Collins’ work has several subheadings that ultimately provide a framework for thinking about how my creative research speaks to my work as a whole. I found the following chapters beneficial: “Finding a Voice: Coming to Terms with Contradictions”, “Safe Space and Coming to Voice”, “Black Women’s Relationships with One Another”, “Consciousness as a Sphere of Freedom”, “The Importance of Self-Definition”, “Self- Valuation and Respect”, “Self-Reliance and Independence”, and “Sell, Change and Personal Empowerment.” Dr. Collins, enters the minds of Black women and addresses some of the issues associated with dual and multiple consciousness. This dual and multiple consciousness and the constant awareness of what my Black body, telling this particular story means, has sat consistently in the forefront of my mind throughout the entire creative process. It was not until I acknowledged this multiple consciousness, but kept in the mind both the importance of self- definition, and self-valuation that I was able to move past the limitations of my Black body in a predominantly white space. hooks, bell “Theory as Liberatory Practice,” Yale Journal of Law & Feminism: Vol. 4. Issue 1, Article 2. http://digitalcommons.law.yale.edu/yjlf/vol4/iss1/2 hooks’ article lays the foundation in my research. This concept of a liberatory practice through theory that is developed through the lived experience is rooted in Black feminism. hooks discusses how theory is developed through our lived experiences and has the potential to liberate us. My research looks at how I can use performance as a way of liberating myself and others. Theory, specifically feminist theory, is just words if not put into practice. It becomes empty rhetoric. That rhetoric is not liberatory for anyone and isn’t helpful on a practical level. hooks place feminist theory into practice to counter the white narrative often surrounding feminist work. She puts it into work for herself and for other Black women. Personally, I, like hooks, enter theory from a place of pain, but also a place of lost. As a Black woman standing at the

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intersection of too many labels to state here, I was confused and just wanted to make sense of the world and who I am. What I learned from hooks’ example is to make sense of the world by first making sense of myself. I began to make sense of myself through Black Feminist Theory. I began to make sense of who I am, why I am the way I am and how to navigate the world as a Black woman. I turned this theory into a tangible practice in writing Out of the Box and it was in this practice that I became liberated and hope to bring liberation to others.

Gwaltney, John Langston. Drylonso, A Self-Portrait of Black America. The New Press. 1980, pp 238- 240. Ella Surrey, an elderly Black domestic woman summarizes the energy needed to maintain independent self-definitions: “We have always been the best actors in the world… I think that we are much cleverer than they are because we know that we have to play the game. We’ve always had to live two lives—one for them and one for ourselves.” This quote empowered me as I saw it was an adequate depiction of what it means to be a black woman. It also speaks to Audre Lorde’s concept of dual consciousness. I plan to develop this concept of dual consciousness throughout my thesis. The idea that as a Black woman, we stand at a crossroads of being both Black and female. We do not have the luxury to negate either one of those so rather than choosing which path to go down, we trudge our own.

Harris, Tina M. “INTERROGATING THE REPRESENTATION OF AFRICAN AMERICAN FEMALE IDENTITY IN THE FILMS WAITING TO EXHALE AND SET IT OFF.” African American Communication & Identities; Essential Readings, Edited by Ronald L. Jackson II. Sage Publications, 2004, pp 189-196. “Using Black Feminist Thought as the conceptual framework, this easy explored a dialectical tension whereby attempts to portray African American women in the movies ultimately perpetuate stereotypes… historically and traditionally associated with African American women in Western culture. It is hoped that future inquiry into this tenuous state of cinematic annihilation will be explored to deconstruct and reconstruct the multiple identities of all African American women.” I particularly liked this essay as it discusses not only the negative representation of Black women at the hands of White writers, but also addresses that at times Black writers also reinforce the negative images and stereotypes of African American women. It

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begs the question; “Does reality imitate media or does media imitate reality?” Are we seeing ourselves in this portrayals because they are true are have we been depicted in this way so long that we’ve begun to conform ourselves to these caricatures.

Hobson, Janell. “Feminists Debate Beyoncé. In The Beyoncé Effect: Essays on Sexuality, Race and Feminism, edited by Adrienne Trier-Bieniek, 11-26. Jefferson, North Carolina: McFarland & Company, Inc., & Publishers, 2016. As an artist whose desire is to create art that a) has a lasting impact and b) makes people think, I found that there is even a debate regarding Beyoncé’s “type of feminism” completely astonishing. Much of the critique regarding Beyoncé’s “type of feminism” is that she commodifies it and that she has given into the male gaze by the way she’s dressed. Black feminist criticize her adjacent appearance to whiteness, blonde hair, light skin, etc. I found all of these to be completely ludicrous because don’t all “famous Feminist” receive monetary gain in some way be it through books, publishing articles or speaking engagements? Is Beyoncé’s platform what is threatening? Understanding this argument, thought I can’t say that I agree has opened my eyes to the potential backlash I could receive as an artist, whose mission is first, to educate the masses, but also to simply pay the bills.

Jerkins, Morgan. This Will Be My Undoing. First Edition. New York, New York. HarperCollins Publishers. 2018. Doubly enfranchised by race and gender, Morgan explores what it means to simply, live, be and exist as a Black woman today. In a society that prioritizes the white female body, first, what does that mean for us Black girls? Morgan explores the social, political and cultural nuances in a white-male dominated world that impact Black women daily. This book was more for personal development as I battled navigating a white space while doing very Black work.

Lorde, Audre. Sister Outsider: Essays and Speeches. Crossing Press, 2007. .”.. Never close our eyes to the terror, to the chaos which is Black which is creative, which is female which is dark which is rejected which is messy which is…” Lorde’s book is a collection of fifteen essays and speeches about sexism, racism, ageism, homophobia and class. Lorde employs the concept of taking the messy, the dark, the personal and using your creativity

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and insight to produce work. Lorde’s collection of essays exemplify and inspire my work as both an academic and an artist. Her transparency and rawness encourages liberation in others as she frees herself with the truth.

McKissack, Pat, 1944-2017. Sojourner Truth: Ain't I a Woman? New York: Scholastic, 1992. Print. In 2019, “Ain’t I A Woman” still resonates. We are seeing time and time again how country has shown its disdain for women; how it has shown its disdain for Black people, but imagine being a Black woman. Truth asks the question “ain’t I a woman” because we are too often left out of the narrative. This speech reminds me of my why. Why my voice as Black woman matters.

Nin Feliz, Roberta Feminism. The Adultification of Black Girls - Women’s Media Center. http://www.womensmediacenter.com/fbomb/the-adultification-of-black-girls. Web. In researching about the perceptions and representation of Black women as a collective, I came across this article that discusses how young Black girls are treated like adults long before they reach legal age. Young Black girls are not given the luxury of truly being kids. On one end, they are overly sexualized as their bodies begin to develop (though out of their control), schools consider them more dangerous and more troubled than their white counterparts and many are simply “adultified” beyond their control.

Maryland Coalition Against Sexual Assault. “African American Women and Sexual Assault: Fact Sheet.” https://mcasa.org/assets/files/African-American-Women-and-Sexual-Assault1.pdf. Web. African American women are sexually assaulted at a much higher rate than their white counterparts. While I ultimately decided to cut the scene regarding sexual abuse from Out of the Box, these are very important statistics that can’t and shouldn’t be ignored.

Rivers, Nicola. “Celebrity Feminists: Selling Feminism or Feminism Selling Out?,” 57–77, 2017. https://doi.org/10.1007/978-3-319-59812-3_4. This article discusses the commodification of feminism. As an artist and as someone who is interested in the opportunity to make a living creating art with a Black feminist message, I found this article particularly poignant. Ultimately the question it raised for me was “if we live in

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a capitalist society and we all must make money somehow to sustain our living, then is there really a problem with commodifying feminism if the message is genuine?”

Suicide Rates for Black Children Twice That of White Children, New Data Show - The Washington Post. https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/to-your-health/wp/2018/05/21/suicide-rates-for-black- children-twice-that-of-white-children-new-data- show/?noredirect=on&utm_term=.70e86b30e0c7. Web. Scenes five and six of Out of the Box deal heavily with self mutilation and suicide. As a young Black girl, I heard often that cutting was “a white girl thing” or that “black kids don’t get depressed.” The crazy part, I was a cutter, depressed and Black so where did that leave me? In my research, I learned that Black children are actually committing suicide at twice the rate of their white counterparts; so why aren’t we talking about it?

Taylor, Sonya Renee. The Body Is Not an Apology: the Power of Radical Self-Love. Read How You Want, 2018. Throughout the book, Taylor focuses on radical self-love through body acceptance. While there were several moments in the book that resonated with me heavily as a plus sized woman and as a plus sized dancer, the entire concept of radical self-love had a lasting impact on me. Throughout my process of writing and then performing Out of the Box, I began to encounter my own “radical self-love”, I experienced a freedom and liberation that I sought, but was never sure was truly possible.

The Combahee River Collective Statement. http://circuitous.org/scraps/combahee.html. Web. Founded by Black feminists and lesbians in 1974, the Combahee River Collective was an organized group of people of color gathered to fight against both sexual and racial oppression. The statement can be viewed as a call to action and has helped prepare the way for modern-day organizing of people of color.

Pre-Show and Show Music

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Beverly, Frankie (1981). “Before I Let Go (Homecoming Live Bonus Track).” (Homecoming Live). [Recorded by Beyoncé] on Homecoming: The Live Album. Indio, CA. NRG. Beyoncé’s remake of Frankie Beverly’s “Before I Let Go” is an example of taking the work of a legendary Black work and bringing it into the now. “Before I Let Go” is a Black classic, Beyoncé took that classic and expanded it, drawing in those who love the original and the new agers who may not have heard of it. To me, this is what modern-day Black feminism does; it takes the work of those before us and brings it into the now. For example, my work is rooted in the tradition of Audre Lorde and bell hooks with a modern take.

Blige, Mary J. Christopher “Tricky Stewart”, Terius Nash and Phalon Alexander. (2007). “Just Fine” [Recorded by Mary J. Blige] on Growing Pains. Santa Monica, CA. Geffen. “Just Fine” is the feel good anthem of 2007. Mary J. Blige has been known about work that has been rooted in self-deprivation, pain and heartache. When Growing Pains dropped, we saw a new Mary. This Mary was liberated and free. She shared her pain through previous albums, we went on those journeys with her and then we got to celebrate with her too.

Edwards, Bernard and Nile Rodgers. (1979). “I’m Coming Out.” [Recorded by Diana Ross] on Diana. Detroit, MI. Motown. Outside of Diana Ross being one of these most iconic, self-love advocates in the entertainment industry, “I’m Coming Out” has become a queer anthem. In scene three, Out of the Box, I wrote about my very first crush on a girl. Not only was I reliving a moment from my past where I was trying to figure out my sexuality, I was simultaneously coming out to some members of my audience. This was a huge moment for me and playing “I’m Coming Out” in the pre-show was a helpful reminder that I was in a safe place.

India.Arie, Carlos “6 July” Broady, Shannon Sanders. (2000). “Video (Main)” [Recorded by India.Arie] on Acoustic Soul. Detroit, MI. Motown. India Arie reminds us that we don’t have to be like the girls in the videos, that we as Black women are beautiful without having to alter our bodies or any other part of ourselves to fit it. In a world that is constantly telling Black women that they aren’t good enough, I would consider it a Black feminist song.

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Jefferson, Melissa “Lizzo” and Eric Frederic. (2016). “Good as Hell” [Recorded by Lizzo] on Coconut Oil. New York, NY. Atlantic Records. “Good as Hell” is a feel good song of radical self-love.

Keys, Alicia, Salaam Remi, Jeff Bhasker, Billy Squier (2012) “Girl on Fire” [Recorded by Alicia Keys and Nicki Minaj] on Girl on Fire. Los Angeles. The Record Plant. “Girl on Fire” is a song about women taking life by the reigns, being at the top of their gain and being “on fire.” A feel good song of woman empowerment.

Knowles, Solange Piaget. (2016). “Don’t Touch My Hair” [Recorded by Solange] on A Seat at the Table. New York, New York. Columbia Records. Solange’s iconic 2016 album A Seat at the Table provided the healing so many Black women didn’t even know they needed. “Don’t Touch My Hair” is a Black female anthem of body autonomy and being fed up with white people feeling as though they have any right to our bodies. While I chose to cut the scenes regarding my personal experiences with white women, specifically, this song still reminds me that my body is mine and no one can take that away from me.

Knowles-Carter, Beyoncé, Shondrae “Bangladesh” Crawford, and Sean Garrett. (2008). “Diva” (Homecoming Live). [Recorded by Beyoncé] on Homecoming: The Live Album. Indio, CA. NRG. “Diva” Beyoncé’s 2008 song of female empowerment.

Knowles-Carter, Beyoncé, Kelly Rowland, Michelle Williams, Rodney “Darkchild” Jerkins, LaShawn Daniels, Fred Jerkins III, Sean Garrett and Jay Z. (2004). “Lose My Breath (Homecoming Live).” [Recorded by Beyoncé, Kelly Rowland & Michelle Williams] on Homecoming: The Live Album. Indio, CA. NRG. I couldn’t not include a song by the iconic Black female trio Destiny’s Child in my preshow music. This girl group followed in the footsteps of groups like En Vogue and Escape in

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bringing together powerhouse voices of Black women, an image often underrepresented, while empowering women through song.

Knowles-Carter, Beyoncé, Kasseem “Swizz Beatz” Dean, Sean Garrett, Makeba Riddick, Angela Beyincé and Solange Knowles (2006). “Get Me Bodied (Homecoming Live).” [Recorded by Beyoncé] on Homecoming: The Live Album. Indio, CA. NRG. “I can do for you want Martin did for the people, ran by the man but the women keep the tempo.” Beyoncé known for the many female empowering gems she drops in her songs, reminds Black women of their role in the revolution. This time around, the revolution will be televised and we will be liberated.

Knowles-Carter, Beyoncé, Jack White and Diana Gordon. (2016). “Don’t Hurt Yourself (Homecoming Live)” [Recorded by Beyoncé] on Homecoming: The Live Album. Indio, CA. NRG. by Beyoncé A song dedicated to the reminder that despite what Black women have experienced, no matter what we go through, we shouldn’t be taken for granted. Disrespect will not be tolerated.

Jackson, Janet, James Harris III and Terry Lewis. (1986) “Control” [Recorded by Janet Jackson] on Control. Minneapolis, Minnesota. Flyte Tyme Studios. Janet Jackson, one of the earliest Black female icons. I simply included her because her music makes me feel good. Robinson, Janelle Monae, Nathanial Irvin III and Nana Kwabena. (2018). “Django Jane” [Recorded by Janelle Monae] on Dirty Computer. Washington, D.C. Bad Boy. In 2018, Janelle Monae dropped the queerest and Blackest albums in the past two decades. This album got me through a long season of lost and confusion. I grew as a person, I began to feel free, all while listening to this album, specifically “Django Jane.” I was only right that in show processing my own liberation that this song be included.

Robinson, Janelle Monae, Claire Boucher, Taylor Parks, Nathanial Irvin III, Charles Joseph II, Wynne Bennett, Steven Tyler, Glen Ballard and Richard Goodman. (2018). “Pynk” [Recorded by Janelle Monae] on Dirty Computer. Washington, D.C. Bad Boy.

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“Pynk” is Black. “Pynk” is queer… Janelle Monae gave black women the queer anthem we’d been missing.

Summer, Donna and Michael Omartian. (1983). “She Works Hard for the Money” [Recorded by Donna Summer] on She Works Hard for the Money. Chicago, IL. Mercury. Summer reminds us that we as women, specifically Black women work hard for everything that we have earned; a common misconception of many.

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