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TURN OFF THE SKY by Ray Nelson

ROBERT A. HEINLEIN ISAAC ASIMOV Including Venture Science Fiction

Turn Off The Sky ( novelet) RAY NELSON 5 Fred CALVIN W. DEMMON 44 Ferdinand Feghoot: LXIV GRENDEL BRIARTON 45 Science: T-Formation . ISAAC ASIMOV 46

Ubi Sunt? (verse) R. H. and KATHLEEN P. REIS 56

Glory Road (2nd of 3 parts) ROBERT A. HEINLEIN 57

Books AVRAM DAVIDSON 110

The Censors: A Sad Allegory TP CARAVAN 114

Sweets to the Sweet PAUL JAY ROBBINS 115 Letters 127 In this issue ••• Coming soon 4 F&SF Marketplace 129 Cover by Emsh (illustrating "Turn Off The Sky")

Joseph W. Ferman, PUBUSHER Avram Davidson, EXECUTIVE EDITOR Isaac Asimov, SCIENCE EDITOR Edward L. Ferman, MANAGING EDITOR

Tlui Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction, Vol-e 25, No. 2, Whole No. 141, Aug. 1963. Published monthly by Mereu~ Press, ltte., at .,111 a cot>y. An11ual subscrit>tion $4.50; $5.00 i11 Ca11ada a~~d tlui Paa A111erica• Ullioa; 15.50 ia all othn couatries. Publi· cation of/ice, 10 Fe~ Street, Concord, N. H. Editorial a11d general mail should be sent to 341 East 53rd St., Nr..u York 22, N. Y. Secoad Closs ~tag11 ~id at COtteord, N.H. Priatetl i• U. S. A. © 1963 by Mercury Press, Inc. All nglst.r, itteluding translations into ot~ languages, restlriJed. Submissions must be accomt>tmitld by .rtamt>ed, self4ddressed envelat>11s; the Publisher assumes no rest>onsibility for return of un.rolicittld manuscriPts. In this issue . . .

. . . is the second part of ROBERT A. HEINLEIN's three-part novel, GLORY ROAD: in which Oscar, his Lady, and his Squire face the infinite danger of the Never-Born in their quest for that puissant and precious article called the Egg of the Phoenix. Sharing the plupart of this issue with the l\laster is RAY NELSON, who enters, however, not as Apprentice but as a clearly accomplished Fellow of the Craft, in a short novel quite unlike anything we have published before. Also making a first appearance is our experimental LETTERS COLUMN-shall it appear again? What say you? TP CARAVAN offers a short, funny piece; CALVIN W. DEMMON returns with another fancy; and the roster of fictions is completed with the story of this number's second newcomer, PAUL JAY ROB· BINS, about the dangers of nigromantic metamorphoses.

Coming soon ...... is our first exemplum of modern Austrian SF-Dr. HERBERT FRANKE's The Man Who Feared Robots. For the many who like stories about things found in dusty old shops, we have such a one by TERRY CARR; do not expect, however, anything quaint or cute or fey from Touchstone. And, Your Servant To Command, after some absence, returns to the story pages of his favorite Magazine with Faed-Out, a tale of old and new Hollywood. Be sure to watch for our October All Star issue. ALFRED BESTER and ZENNA HENDERSON will be on hand, both with new novelets. 4 Introduction to Ray Nelson's TURN OFF THE SKY This story came to our attention four years ago and we have been waiting for the chance to print it. It is the author's first sale and we are as proud of it as he is. Asked to supply some information about himself, Ray Nelson says, "I know the kind of thing they have in blurbs. •Ray Nelson has been a • • : and there foUows a list of occupations as long as your arm. demonstrating the author's breadth of experience and inability to hold a steady fob. I could write one of those, aU right, because I, too, have never been able to hold a steady fob for long. I have been a silk screen printer, sign writer, cartoonist, IBM machine programmer and operator, Oreat Books salesman, fork-lift truck operator, beatnik poet (one slender book of Poems published, entitled, Perdita: songs of love, sex, and self-pity), movie extra, Abstract Expressionist, interior decorator (with a paint mixing stick in one hand and a bottle of Jack Daniels in the other), Dixieland banfo player, folknik guitar player and singer, bum, and etc. As to education, I have a BA in liberal arts from the ·university of Chicago and an Operation and Wiring Certificate for IBM machines from th£ Automation Insti­ tute of Chicago, I have also attended briefly the Art Institute of Chicago, and The Sorbonne; and have lived in or visited aU the states in the original48, plus Canada, Mexico, England, and aU th£ nations of free Europe. I am married to a [beautiful-Ed.] Nor­ wegian girl named Kirsten, whom I met while living in Paris and writing TURN OFF THE SKY. Wehaveafour-yearoldsonnamed Walter and live peacefuUy on unemployment· checks in El Cerrito, California. I was born Oct. 31, 1931, in New York, have brown hair and eyes, am a little overweight but planning to fast a week or so to get back to normal (have been overindulging myself in the Good Things of Life, like my wife's Norwegian cooking). Also I don't get much exercise these days, sitting in front of the type­ writer all day long staring at a blank sheet of paper trying to think of something clever." If Mr. Nelson's lust-completed novel of beatnik life in Chicago is anything like his story here, his last phrase is much too modest. The story is quite unlike anything you have ever read, and-but, then, you haven't read it yet, have you? Do so immediately. s TVBN OFF THE SKY

lty Hay Nelson

As usuAL, ABELARD RosENBURG ''I'm sorry, honey, but I don't came to the party stark naked ex­ know that word. What's an an­ cept for a briefcase full of left­ archist?" she asked. wing propaganda and two coats of "It is someone who is opposed paint below. The paint was a to the state." beautiful ice blue, forming a "How can you be opposed to the striking contrast to his black skin state? If there wasn't any state to and still blacker beard. He stood give us food, how could we eat? If in the doorway of the little book­ there wasn't any state to build store a moment, silhouetted against houses, where would we live? Gee, the blazing artificial aurora borea­ honey, you can't be serious." She lis in the sky; then when a few turned her round vacant eves on people had dutifully greeted him, him and stuck out her lmver lip. he entered and opened his brief­ "I define the state as an armed case. body of men," he said, "distin­ "Share my burden?" he asked a guished from other organizations young ballet ·dancer, handing her by its four particular functions: a thick fistful of printed and mim­ cops, courts, jails and taxes. Soci­ eographed sheets; ety does not need to rely on coer­ "Thank you just the same," said cion to function. All man's needs the dancer, "but I don't read that are supplied by cybernetic ma­ sort of thing. I'm sure. it's all very chines which function perfectly nice and all, but I am sort of anti­ well without any human inter­ political." vention, let alone government "So am I," said Abelard. "No­ supervision." body could be more anti-political "\Veil, perhaps that is true," than me." she said, "but if there were no gov­ "Do you belong to the Anti­ ernment, what would keep people Political Party?" from murdering each other and 'Worse than that. I am an stealing each other's property?" anarchist." He raised a finger skyward. The ballet dancer shook her "The need to steal and murder no head, purple pony tail swinging longer exists. There is more than behind her. enough of everything for everyone. 6 TUR~ OFF THE SKY 7 Nobody needs to take from some­ party without good old Abelard. one else." Why would anyone bate you?" she · She frowned, trying her best to asked, amazed. think. "First of all, I am a Negro." "Well, that's true enough of "So what?" some things, like food and cloth­ "Second, I am a Jew," ing and housing, but let's say I "You actually still go to church have a certain painting, a Boris and all that stuff?" Lee original, and someone else "No, as a matter of fact, I am an wants it," she postulated brightly. atheist." "You could work out an ar­ 'What's that?" rangement with that person to "It means I don't believe in lend the painting part time, or God." better yet, if you both liked the "Oh." She frowned again and painting that much, you'd have rubbed her nose with her purple enough in common to live to­ fingernail. gether." "And being an anarchist alone "Live together? What about might at one time have gotten me that, now?" she considered, "\Vhat thrown in jail." about crimes of passion?" She She crossed her arms on her rolled the word "passion" off the chest and thrust out her chin. tip of her tongue like a delicious "So what's the point?" she said. drop of old French wine. "Just this .•. all these pow­ "That's the job of education. erful fonns of passion ••• hate, Passion is just an excuse the prejudice, religious and political square gives to his conscience for intolerance, have been destroyed enjoying the sexual pleasures he by education. Sexual passion is wants even though his religion next to go." tells him it is wrong." His grin "Somehow," said the little was all teeth. dancer, blinking her false eye­ "Education? Honey, you know lashes, "I think I'd rather keep the you can't change human nature." state than give up sex." To her, this seemed beyond all "You won't have to give up sex. dispute. Just the possessive fonns of it, like "That's not true. There was a marriage and the family. The race time, long ago, when I would will be propagated by Universal have been a social outcast-to be Free Love." He spread his anns hunted, hated-even killed." expansively. Her owl eyes grew wider still. She thought for a moment. "You? Hated? Why it just "Gee, that might be all right wouldn't be possible to have a for the far distant future, but 8 FANTASY A]'.jD SCIE!'CE FICTION could we have free love right "It's not that I drink, mind now?" she asked. you," said Dean, pouring himself "Certainly. Right now!" he said, a fresh drink, "but I appreciate The dancer closed her eyes, liquor." tilted back her head, and whis­ Abelard politely declined a pered huskily, "Show me!" drink and reached into his brief­ "Right here," said Abelard, case for a handful of literature. thrusting a mimeographed pam­ "Share my burden?" he queried, phlet into her hand, "It tells all handing a fistful of publications to about it in here." the unimpressed Dean. The conversation lagged a little "You're the anarchist fellow, after that, and the dancer wan­ aren't you?" dered off with a bald, bitter An­ "Yes." cient Texts Translator, reputed to "You are against being in the be familiar even with the forgot­ army, eh?" ten language of Denmark. It "That's right." seems that even he had finally be­ "I can see why," Dean reflected, come technologically unem­ "All you get in the Arn1y is a lot of ployed. little badges pinned all over you, Abelard followed half-hearted­ and that might be painful to a fel­ ly, pushing his way through the low who dresses the way you do." crowd, until they went into the With that Dean downed an­ back room. As Abelard was about other rum, drooling slightly on his to go in he met the alcoholic poet, black cape. The two jazzmen had Dean Natkin, coprlng out. begun to argue quite seriously the "You don't want to go in there opposition of the spontaneous jazz without a woman/' said Dean of India vs. the intellectual 43- drunkenly. "They are all making toned jazz of America. sex in there. Going at it like mad "I read an interesting fact to­ minks." day," said Dean. "I say, do you Dean took Abelard by the arm know that what lice feed on is and led him toward an improvised blood? I had an idea . . ." bar in the part of the bookstore He downed another glass and called the "Old Smokey Reading reached again for the bottle. Room." A jazz fan was sprawled The argument in the corner was on the floor in one corner, idly becoming quite violent. A small picking out Anglo-Indian jazz riffs crowd had begun to gather to on an old sitar while another jazz­ watch. The little ballet dancer man of the "cool" or 43-tones-to­ came out of the back room button­ the-octave school looked on with ing up her blue jeans and joined annoyance. the crowd. TURN OFF THE SKY 9 ''You think drink is bad," con­ are very progressive, you know tinued Dean. ''You ought to see the . . . they say ·, :1ey take the best chaps who take dope. There are from all the world faiths, but they quite a few here tonight. I wouldn't really only believe in keeping their want to name names, but some of state subsidy . . . anyway, this them play 'cool' jazz. They say junkie came into the church and even the President of the United told his story to the minister. The World Government is on the nee­ minister listened to the whole dle. Nothing else to do, eh what? thing with his best bedside man­ They had to make it legal when ner and when it was finished, you they found more than half the know what the minister said? He world's population were taking it. said, 'Do you really think this is I heard one of them walk into a the Best Approach to the Problems drug store the other day and say, of Ufe ?' " 'Give me a bottle of Codeine, ''You want to make the scene, please. Don't bother to wrap it. I'll honey?" the cool jazzman snarled drink it here.' That's a hot one, at the sitar player, who just kept 011 what?-'I'll drink it here!'" playing as if he were deaf. ''You "Look, dad," screamed the cool want to make some real sounds? jazzmen. "Uke that Raga sound is Lemme show you where the real nowhere. It just don't make it. sounds come from!" He whipped Like this open fifth drone is just out a leather case, opened it, and too piercing, you know what I extracted a beautiful hypodennic mean?" needle, decorated with golden "All the poets smoke marijuana, Lingam and yoni and precious you know," continued Dean. "I jewels. heard a commercial on the feelies "There's a lot of queers here to­ last night about it. 'For real, deep night, too, I suppose you noticed." down inspiration, smoke POT, Dean droned. "That one over there P-0-T, POT, the international joy that looks like a boy isn't queer, smoke.'" though, but she tries. She was "This cookie has the word for taking Lesbianism One and Two at you, dad," yelled the jazzman, Yale, but never quite passed her "and you just better believe it." finals.'' The man with the sitar went on, Abelard could not take his eyes idly whanging out his little riffs off the needle. He felt paralyzed, with a swinging % beat. hypnotized, by the points of light "The other day," said Dean dancing and leaping over its jew­ quietly, "a fellow who was on the elled sides. The sitar player spoke needle came into a United Bud­ softly. dhist-Christian church . . . they "Put that thing away," he said. 10 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICT!Ol' ''This take tJooooo much for "What else can they do but you, honey?" stick him? Sure you won't have a "I don't like that stuff. It's little drink?" habit-fonning." "No, I ..." "No lie? Is that the true word?" The sitar player tried to get to The little ballet dancer his feet, but the balding translator squealed, "Look, he's scared!" shoved him back. Abelard tried to The crowd moved in closer, ex­ go to .help him but found Dean cited now. holding him back with arms of "We go my way or we don't go at iron. The ballet dancer giggled all. Isn't that right, cats?" said the hysterically and put her sandaled cool jazzman. foot through the sound-box of the The crowd was with him. If sitar. The jazzman moved in like a there was anyone present who cobra, poisoned fang poised to didn't like dope or cool jazz, he strike. was careful to keep it to himself. "Look,'' whispered Dean, "I "He's a coward," said the trans­ thought you were a nonviolent an­ lator. archist! There's nothing you ..." "A square," said an abstract The sitar player screamed in painter. terror as the crowd moved in on "Hey,", said Abelard, "what him. He tried to struggle but a thousand fingers held him help­ "Shut up, ·friend," said Dean. less. "You want to get us both killed?'' "Hold him still, somebody," said "Why not try a little?" asked the the jazzman. "Here's mud in your jazzman, coaxingly. "Come on, the eye." first time is hard but after that it's And he carefully inserted the easy. It's so good you just can't put hypodermic needle and pushed it down." the plunger. "No, thanks. I think I'll just run Abelard broke free of Dean's on home . . ." said the sitar grasp and bolted for the door, his player uncertainly. ears torn by the player's screams. The crowd was like a solid stone He ran into the street and almost wall blocking his escape. without thinking made for the en­ "Everyone said she was a real trance of the nearest underground. butch," said Dean, downing an­ "The trains . . ." he thought. other rum, "but I knew better. 'She "The trains . . .'' isn't gay,' I said, 'she's just neu­ He dashed down the stairs, in rotic.'" too much of a hurry for the escala­ "What are they going to do?" tor, and emerged on the platform whispered Abelard. panting; There was nobody in the TURN OFF TH.E SKY 11 station but a lone security police­ of the never-darkened sky, deep in man. Abelard thought desperate- the womb of the earth. lly. The basic idea of all under­ "A cop. Maybe I can tell the ground trains is the same. To sit cop what happened at the party and stare into the face of one's fel­ . . • but how would that look to low man and never speak, never everyone? Me, an anarchist, call­ betray by the slightest movement ing the cops? The jazzman might of the eyes a recognition of his not even be arrested, and it would existence. During rush hours to be throw a bad light on anarchists ev­ crushed against him, chest to erywhere if it ever got out I had chest, back to back, so tightly you called the cops. I'd be laughed at cannot move, so close you can in­ ... even more than now." spect the pimples on his face, the With a sinister hiss, the sub­ dandruff on his shoulders, smell way train swept in and Abelard his sweat and hear his breathing, stepped on board. It was bright yet never say hello, never know if and luxurious and airconditioned he is married or single, if he has and soundproofed inside, but out­ children, and if they are healthy. side, through the windows, Abe­ To stand pressed as close to a lard could see the rushing dark­ woman as if in the tenderest em­ ness, the two wires near the win­ brace of love, and yet think about dow weaving up and down as they the ball game or the latest pro­ swept by. The undergrounds were grams on the feelies-then to part always the same, whether they and never see her again. To stand, slunk along on rubber tires and perhaps, crushed back to back hydropneumatic suspension like against the one person who has the this local, or hurtled through a missing piece to the puzzle of your vacuum, magnetically suspended life and never know it. and propelled, like the transconti­ Abelard sat and watched the nental and transoceanic tubes, at two wires outside his window rise over a thousand miles an hour, cut­ and fall, rise and fall • • . then ting a chord through the depths of suddenly they were in Greenwich the earth, a straight line between Village Station. After the dimness, two points on the curved surface of the station lights were blinding, the globe. The basic idea of all un­ but he could see the station had derground trains is the same . . • not changed. The same paintings to rush blindly through the black­ on the walls, the same statues and ness from one identical station to mobiles. Only some of the names another, to burrow through the of the artists had been changed. earth in a huge metal worm, to One person got on, a tall, pale, hide from the blinding brilliance exotic Eurasian girl with long 12 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION black hair down to her waist­ "Why, yes," gasped Abelard, dressed in black leotard and tights "that's true. October third, to be and carryin& a black purse with a exact." lizard's claw clasp. "Your mother was African, your "Greenwich Village Station," .father Black Jewish." thought Abelard. "That could just "How did you know?" as easily be the name of any sta­ She snapped her purse and in­ tion in the world. Greenwich Vil­ spected her reflection in the win­ lage extends to meet and blend dow. The two wires outside leaped with the Near North Side of Chi­ upward suddenly and slowly set­ cago, with the Left Bank in Paris, tled back. with North Beach in San Fran­ ''Your parents didn't get on. cisco, with Taos, New Mexico and :Your father probably killed him­ London and Tokyo and Leopold­ self or something. That's why you ville and Rio . • • all showing hate the world so much." the same paintings- and sculpture "No," said Abelard, "that's not and mobiles and dancing the same true about my father. How do you dances to the same music." know so much about me? Are you The girl sat in the seat directly a cop? Do you know some of my opposite from him and began to do friends?" her lips. Abelard noticed with a She shook her head. start that she wore a diamond tiara "The truth of the matter is," she in her hair, an anti-democratic ges­ answered, "I never saw or heard of ture if there ever was one. How you before in my life. If I am did she dare? He felt sure, some­ wrong about your father, what's how, that the diamonds were real. the real story on him?" Some of the others in the car "You're close, too close. If you had noticed it, too, and stared at never heard of me before, how do her openly with mingled surprise you know so much about me?" he and resentment. Abelard hoped said guardedly. there would be no unfortunate in­ "Astrology, mixed with psychol­ cident like the one at the party, ogy, mixed with the methods of but, no, nothing would happen on Sherlock Holmes, mixed with the train. Rushing through dark­ witchcraft, mixed with woman's ness in temporary conjunction was intuition. . . . I've studied a lot, not the same as being drunk at a but the truth is, I haven't the faint­ party, a so-called social function. est idea how I know. I just know." "You were born in October," Abelard was silent for a mo­ said the girl, "around the first of ment, examining her explanation the month." It was a statement of with suspicion. fact. "Are those diamonds real?" TURN OFF THE SKY 13 "Of course they are, boy. Now He was only half aware of the girl what's the real story on your fa· before him when next he spoke. ther? Did you love him?" "They were always fighting, al­ Abelard had never spoken to ways," he said, barely audible. anyone about his private life be· "She would scream that he was fore. Never. He was speechless, running around with other women tongue-tied. Desperately he won· and he would scream that she was dered how he might steer the su~ frigid. Sometimes I couldn't sleep ject around to safe, normal ground all night for their fighting. Then like anarchism, or atheism, or free there was a whole week they didn't love. He fumbled with the clasps fight. My mother seemed like a on his briefcase, trying to open it, 'changed woman, she was so sweet but his hands were shaking too and nice to daddy and me. When much. Sunday came my mother fixed a "Don't ask me to share your wonderful supper for us with all burden," she said, "I know that my father's favorite foods. Daddy line. You say 'share my burden' and Mommy were laughing and and hand me a fistful of meaning­ kidding and kissing each other like less trash, then we talk about Karl newlyweds. I was so happy I ran Marx or Robert Heinlein ad nau­ out in the backyard singing like a seum. You aren't the first red I've mad canary bird and bouncing my met, you know. Now about your little ball. Bounce, bounce, bounce. father?'' It was sunset, before the inven· "A-about my father?" stam· tion of the artificial northern lights. mered Abelard. Everything was all red and peace· "Did you love him?" ful and beautiful and I bounced "Yes, yes, sure I did." my little ball around and sang lit­ "A lot?" tle songs to myself. Then, all of a "God, I worshiped my old man. sudden I heard a loud bang in .the I worshiped him. He was always house and my mother started call­ laughing, always bringing me pres· ing to me, 'Abel Abel come here a ents," he said, running his hand minute.' I ran inside and there on through his beard. the kitchen floor was my old man, "Yeah?" She leaned forward. with a little hole in the front of his "Why should I tell you all this?" head and a big hole in the back "Don't you want me to share and everything was all over blood." vour burden?" she asked. There was a sudden flash of - Abelard felt the ground drop light as they passed through a sta­ from under him. The past rose in a tion, then darkness outside as they wave, drowning him, throwing rushed onward. Abelard felt tears, him around like a twig in its tide. rotted, ancient, painful tears claw- 14 FANTASY AND-SCIENCE FICTION ing his eyes, rolling down his and seafood farm-and darkness? cheeks. • • . God, they never turn off the "Baby," whispered the girl. sky! Not for one second. Not any­ He continued haltingly, "Mama where." had a gun in her hand and the air "But under the sea," she per­ was full of smoke. I can still smell sisted, "What about the trans-At­ it. I cried, 'Mama, what did you lantic tube? It's dim in the tube do? What did you do?' 'Nothing,' cars and black as outer space out­ she answered, 'that's all. Nothing.' side the windows. Nobody is riding Then she put the gun in my hand the tube at this time of night. and called the cop in from the Look, we're almost to Grand Cen­ street and told him I did it. I did tral Station. Let's go. What do you it? Oh, God, I was just a tiny little say?" boy. I couldn't murder anybody. "All right," he agreed. And I loved my father. I worshiped They got off at Grand Central, him! How could anyone believe I picked up a meal and a bottle of could murder my own father? wine from the free vending ma­ They took me off to the refonna­ chines, then rode down the inter­ tory and kept me there for five minable escalator to the subter­ years and every day they came and ranean departure station. asked me why I did it, but I never !he crowds moved heedlessly told on my mother. Never. If they this way and that . . . the sta­ took my Mama away I'd have no.­ tion seemed busy, but actually, body." compared with other seasons and "Never mind. baby. Never other times of day, it was all but mind," whispered the girl, taking empty. If the trains had been run his hand. "That's all past and gone. for profit, they probably would not I'll take care of you. No matter be running at all. As it was, they what happens, you'll always have left once every five minutes for me." Chicago, San Francisco, South "You? You? Who are you?" he America, Africa, France, England, demanded. wherever anyone could wish. "We'll go off somewhere togeth­ "Let's go to France," said Abe­ er and be alone,'' she comforted lard. him. "No, England," said the girl "There's no place in the world "There's something there I want where we can be alone," he cried, you to see." ''Where there were once deserts, They crossed a crystal bridge now there are crowded cities. The and emerged on the Trans-Atlantic polar regions are busy cybernetic tube platform. It was deserted. farms, eren the sea is one big algae The feelies were playing to a host TURN OFF THE SKY 15 of empty chairs. Abelard tried to tly but firmly into the deep, soft keep his eyes away from the screen. scat. Abelard took her in his arms He always resented the power the and held her, the tension draining feelies had over him, the way they from him, the sadness drifting could manipulate and control his away. Gently, her tongue touched emotions through control of the his lips, his ears, his neck. He ionization of the air and the calcu­ nipped her lightly on the ear lobe, lated use of sounds above the audi­ nibbled her lip. She returned his ble range. The way they could love-bites, softly at first, then so convince him that he was receiving they hurt just enough. a blow on the jaw or a kiss, or was "I love you," she said softly. drowning or flying. Some people "You know that, don't you?" who did nothing but watch them "And I love you, too," he an­ during their every waking hour, swered. "I don't know why or how, had no other thoughts than those but I do." impressed on them by the feelies, She sighed and kissed him on no other feelings, no other lives. the lips. His hand moved, feeling With a hiss, the airlock opened the flesh of her beautiful young and a recorded voice said, "Train body through the thin leotard. leaving for London. Please watch Outside the movies painted on your step upon entering ·and re­ the walls flashed by unnoticed, main seated during the first part of casting a flickering, multicolored your journey. You will feel a slight glow into the compartment. The pressure pulling you toward the acceleration increased slightly. back of the train during the first "I tried to kill myself a few part of the trip, but do not worry. months ago," she said. "Have you It is only inertia force resulting c\·er tried that?" from acceleration. Thank you." "No." They entered the dimly lit cor­ "I guess you wouldn't," she ridor, turned right, and passed a mused. "You aren't the type. I long line of compartments, enter­ couldn't do it either. I went for a ing the last one and closing the swim in the Pacific Ocean near the door behind them. Abelard Golden Gate Bridge. I took off my switched the lights to dim and clothes and waded into the surf. turned to the girl. She clasped her My plan was to swim out a little hands around his face and kissed ways, then a little ways more, then him once, on the lips, very gently. a little ways more, until at last I The train began to move. was too far out to get back. I fig­ The wall outside the window ured that way I could trick my sur­ melted into a grey blur and the ac­ vival instinct into letting me die. celeration force pressed them gen- l knew it had to be some accident 16 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION or impersonal force that finally fin­ "I don't think so," he said. ished me off. Otherwise I would "Why?" chicken out at the last minute." "Because I feel sort of bluish in­ "What happened then?" asked side," she said. Abelard. They were silent again for a "I couldn't do it. The water was while. The acceleration gradually too cold." stopped. Another ad flashed on Another movie flashed in outside. through a window. A huge eye, "We're going pretty fast now, watching, wa~ching. On the screen eh?" she asked. outside appeared the words, "See "Over a thousand miles an it!" Then a huge hand appeared, hour," he answered. reaching, clutching. They were silent a while longer. "Darling, darling!" she gasped. "What do you expect from me?" Outside danced the words, "Touch she asked. itl" A huge mouth appeared, open­ "Nothing," said Abelard. ing and closing. A gigantic tongue "You'd better not say that. Peo­ licked its lips. Breathing deep, ple generally get just what they sobbing breaths, Abelard and the expect." girl kissed each other. "What do you expect from me?" "Oh, darling, oh, darling," she he asked. whispered. "Oh, plenty, plenty." The movie outside flickered, 'What?" "United Na:tions Hams are real "I want everything you have," meat, a treat that can't be beat!" A she said. "I want your mind and huge ham appeared at the win­ soul and body, your every waking dow, dripping with juice. A knife thought and all your dreams." appeared from the left hand side When they reached London of the screen and sank deep, deep they switched to a local, then an­ into it. other local, and finally emerged above ground at Angel Station, in For a moment afterward, he one of the nearest things to a slum was unconscious. Then he woke that still existed in London. Angel again, drenched in sweat, burning Station! with fever. They lay a long time As they walked down the shad­ side by side, now and then kissing, owless street, the name "Angel now and then shifting slightly. Station" echoed in Abelard's mind "Tell me something," she asked like the sound of two hands at last. clapped in a huge empty audito­ "What?" rium. On the other side of Torrens She whispered in his ear. Street a line of students with their TURN OFF THE SKY 17 arms around each other's shoul­ were mostly empty, and the theatre ders danced the grapevine side­ was dark except for the stage, ways down the walk, singing, where an old woman dressed in "Boom chicka boom chicka boom gold and spangles was singing, ac­ chicka boom." That reminded Abe­ companied by an old man at the lard of the thousand-leggers, piano. The tune fell on Abelard's frightful little bugs which he had, cars like a blow. It was in the when a little boy, delighted in kill­ hauntingly simple chromatic scale, ing with a burning glass. He re­ a folksong, probably, from the dis­ membered his delight when he tant past. "Oh, it's a long, long managed to catch one of them time, , from May to December with a point of concentrated sun­ light, how it twisted in agony and He had not heard one of the old then lay still, slowly turning black. songs since he was a child. His ear, They turned another corner and trained by now to think of the stood before a building that looked chromatic scale as a single, co­ as old as civilization itself. A sign sonant chord, was charmed and in ancient, faded, cracking paint sed!lced by the monotonous wave­ said, "Collin's Music Hall." like repetition of major triads, "It's still there, thank God," sevenths, and sixths ... he said the girl. "They have been on seemed to relax and stretch out in the verge of closing for the last the vast distances between the two hundred years." chordal tones. No longer was the "What is this, anyway?" ear lost in a grey continuum of It was an old-fashioned British relative dissonance . . . a chord pub and music hall, the only place was either a triad and consonant, left in the world that still had pro­ or it was not Black and white, and fessional entertainers outside of even the most intense dissonance the feelies. "Have you got any mon­ of the scale was milder than most ey?" she demanded. of the consonances his ear was "Why, no, I never use it," here­ trained to accept. Anglo-Indian plied. "It's taxable, and if I were to jazz was condemned as primitive use it I would be helping to sup­ . . . what if one of those 4 3-tone port the government." purists could hear this? She laughed at him. The woman, as nearly as Abe­ "But you don't hate the govern­ lard could tell, was about two ment enough to turn down its free hundred and fifty to three hundred food and housing, do you? Here, years old . . . the man at the I'll pay." piano even older. Even so, she She bought tickets at the box of­ was able to make herself clearly fice and they went in. The seats heard and understood in the far- 18 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION thest corners of the theatre without he did one of the World President benefit of electronic amplification. giving a speech while high on H. Few, if any, of the modern ultra­ "It seems I've forgotten my refined crooners could say the speech," said the comic. "Ah, here same, and Abelard realized with a it is." He drew out of his coat a start that she was putting across huge hypodermic needle, the kind the emotional impact of the song used to give injections to horses, without benefit of ultra-high fre­ pretended to jab it into the main quency jabs in the audience's ribs. artery of his arm, staggered, rolled "These precious days, I'll spend his eyes, steadied himself and said, with you," she sang. "As I was saying, before I was so When the old woman had fin­ rudely interrupted • . ." ished her song she bowed stiffly, The audience roared with first to the right, then to the left, lau8hter. then straight ahead of her. Abelard Next he produced an old beat­ was startled. People just didn't up sitar and gave a startlingly good bow- these days. It was undemo­ imitation of Aga Carlson, the idol cratic! There was scattered ap­ of the young and the central figure plauSe as the woman left the stage, in the world of Anglo-Indian jazz, followed by the piano player. Sud­ complete with a sexy Hindu dance denly there was only one person in at the end. the theatre applauding, the strange Everyone laughed but the Eura­ Eruasian girl at his side. She was sian girl, who was still lost in the clapping wildly, hysterically, tears spell of the ancient folksong. running down her cheeks. "En­ The rest of the show went by core!" she shouted, "Encore!" unseen by Abelard. His eyes were "People are looking at you," fixed on the profile of the girl be­ whispered Abelard. side him, studying her curiously "I don't care! I don't care! theatrical makeup, the long black Morel Encore! Encore!" hair that hung to her waist, the She stood up, but Adelard diamonds above her forehead, pulled her down again, afraid hanging from her ears, and in someone would notice her dia­ rings on her fingers. He looked monds and start a riot. Finally she down at her sandalled feet and was silent, staring into space with saw, even there, diamond rings on her lips half parted, humming the her toes. He was sure that they final bars of the song in a barely were real. Anyone could buy arti­ audible whisper. The next act ficial diamonds which only an came on immediately; another old electron microscope could tell from man, doing imitations of famous real ones, but only someone who people. The audience roared when had a job could afford real ones, TUlUII OFP THE SKY 19 and no one had jobs but soldiers, "Very good, Madam," said the policemen, techmen, and politi­ man, and walked quickly away. cians. She was not a soldier and "I see you're surprised," chuck­ was too young to be either a tech­ led the girl. "This is the first time man or a politician. She must be a you've ever been called Sir?' cop, he reasoned, a plainclothes­ 'Why, yes, it is, as a matter of woman. Perhaps now, on the eve fact." of an election, the government had "That's not the worst of it, baby. finally decided to crack down on When he comes back we are going anarchists, to make an example of to have to tip him." them. Perhaps she was a feelies "Tip?" He was astounded. star, but no, the feelies had been "That's right," she chuckled. manned by volunteer workers for a "The beer we will drink is, of good ten years. And how did she course, free, but we are going to know his birthday? Only a cop have to pay hard cash to have it could know his birthday. But then, brought to our table by a human if she was a cop, sent to spy on being instead of a machine. We him, why did she give herself are going to have to pay hard cash away by wearing diamonds? There to have a fellow human being call was only one thing he was sure of. us Sir and Madam." She frightened him. "What's going on here?" he de­ "Let's get out of here," she whis­ manded. "What kind of a place is pered. this you've dragged me into?" He followed her out of the the­ She gestured at the crowd. atre and into the pub next door. "This is nothing but one of the They sat down at a table near the last outposts of capitalism," she door and looked around at the oth­ said. "That man who just called er patrons. They were mostly quite you Sir is the last of a class of men old • • • there were a few sol­ who once literally owned the diers and one table of techmen, world. What you buy from him is but not one of the artists, poets, nothing different than what has chessplayers, dancers, philosoph­ always been bought from him. In ers, etc., Abelard was used to see­ the days when he owned the ing in pubs. One of the old men world, the issue was confused by strolled over to their table and, to the difficulty in procuring and Abelard's intense surprise, asked, processing raw materials, but really "Sir and Madam, what can I do there never was in all the history of for you?'' man and never will be anything at Abelard was speechless, but the all for sale but the privilege of girl said, "Two glasses of half and having another fellow human be­ half." ing call you Sir. 20 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Just then the old man returned sold since the beginning of time. with two beers on a tray and care­ Myself!" fully set them on the table. Abe­ "What are you saying? Are you lard noticed that the old man, too, a ..." wore diamond rings on his fingers "A prostitute? A whore? That's and diamond earrings in his ears right, Sir, that's what I am." . . . and even in his nose. The He was really confused now. girl laid a coin on the tray as great "I don't understand. Why? Why as an average man's pension for a do you do it? Everything you need year. is given you. For the sake of a few "Thank you, Madam," said the diamonds you . . . I can't believe capitalist with a deep bow, and it! How can anyone sink so low?" strode away. She drew herself up proudly. "Try the beer," she said. "It's "How can anyone be so useless something different from what you as you are! You dare to preach to might expect." me? I work. I earn my money. I Abelard sipped it. give something to somebody and "Ugh! It's warm, and it's gone receive something in return! \Vhat flat!" he snorted. do you do? Hang on to the metal "That's the way it's supposed to hand of the state and call yourself taste. You'll get used to it." an anarchist! Paint pictures and "I don't like this place," Abe­ try to give them to people who can lard grumbled. "How can you paint pictures of their own, write stand to see a fellow human being poems that people only read in degrade himself in front of you hopes that you will read theirs, the way that so-called capitalist pass out your mimeographed rub­ just did?" bish that people only use to blow "\Vatch what you say," she said, their noses on. If the Anti-Political eyes flashing. "I'm a capitalist too, Party is elected there won't be any· Sir." government any more. There won't "You?" be any more army, there won't be "Of course. How else do you any more cops, courts, jails and suppose I can afford these dia­ taxes. What will you protest about monds, Sir?" then, eh? What will you write Abelard laid a hesitant hand on al.>out then in your mimeographed her arm. throw-away sheets? What will you "But what do you sell?" he march around with signs and dem­ asked. onstrate against then? What will "The same thing that fellow you fast about, what will you who brought us our drinks sells. strike about? What will you pas­ The only thing anyone has ever sively resist? I don't give a damn TUR:-l OFF THE SKY 21 what party is elected. It doesn't ef­ will cry and get drunk and kill fect me in the slightest. I'm a themselves and go on the needle. working girl, Sir. I have no time You try going to those robots once for politics. I'm a capitalist. I wear or twice. The illusion is absolutely diamonds. Why shouldn't I wear convincing except for one thing; diamonds? People throw rocks at you know ahead of time that under me in the streets, children follow that flawless flesh there is nothing me and call me every foul name in but wires and tubes and gears, and the language, but I know this. If I you never forget it. take my diamonds off I'm dead. "But I'm a real woman, Sir, with "There are men, and women, a real womb and real breasts and a too, all over the world in little bars real liver and even a real belly­ and pubs • • . they go there ev­ button. Do you know that I even ery night, night after night, for have real periods? I bleed like a only one reason. There is an out­ wounded animal, I lie in bed side chance they might run into moaning with the pain of my me. I might drop by, maybe, and cramps . • • and right wil!hin sit with them an hour or two and arm's reach are the anti-menstrual listen to them talk and let them pills that almost every woman but give me presents and money and, me takes these days. I have them maybe, if I feel like it, kiss them a right there, on my bedstand, all few times or maybe even sleep the time, but I have never taken with them. I just might. Sure, they one. Those are wonderful little could go to a government sex­ pills, baby. You take one a month house and sleep with a beautiful and you never need worry again robot ... twice as beautiful as about menstruation or pregnancy. me, twice as soft to the touch, twice I sleep with a man almost every as tender and responsive, with a night . • • always a different one, voice that says 'I love you' so you and every time I think maybe this almost believe it. one will make me pregnant. "Funny, isn't it, how you never "I'm only 23 years old and I've quite get around to going. Funny had two children already. I don't how some men still get married, or go to the big, beautiful government live with real flesh and blood hospitals to have my babies. They women, or wander into bars every would say I wasn't a fit mother and night looking for me. Who cares put my children in those damn, whether you live or die? Who big, perfect, beautiful kindergar­ would weep if the whole anarchis­ tens. I go down into the trans­ tic movement were to pass away Atlantic tube and go into a little some night? If I die and the peo­ compartment and lock the door ple "·ho love me hear about it they and dim the lights and lie down on 22 FANTASY AND SCIE:-:CE FICTIOS" the scat and let the contractions charged with an intensity that come. Have vou ever watched a drove every other thought from his woman have a" baby? Of course not. mind. She was leaning forward, Nobody watches childbirth any staring into his eyes with the un­ more but the impersonal eyes of winking hypnotic gaze of a snake. the surgical machines. It isn't pret­ Impulsively, she took his hand. ty. I go down into the trans-Atlan­ "Look, buy me something, will tic tube in a little sound-proof your" she whispered. compartment deep down under the "I have no money. You know sea, deep down under the earth, that." and have my baby. Do you know I 'Til lend you some. Buy me a scream with pain? Do you know I flower. There's an old woman here squat in that little room all by my­ who sells flowers. She grows them self and scream at the top of my in her own windowbox. Here," she voice? The contractions are slow at slipped him some money under the first, then a little faster and a little table, "you can pay me back later. more painful, a little faster and She's sitting by the bar, back by the more painful still, faster, faster, lavatory. See her? Call her over still faster. I'm rushing through the and buy me a flower." darkness at over a thousand miles Abelard was still too stunned by an hour and nobody is watching the strange monologue he had me but the big eye of the UN Ham heard to refuse. He signaled the movie, sweating and screaming old woman to come over. and wiggling and shoving down "Flower, sir? A pretty flower for with all my strength, and all of a the lady?" said the old woman as sudden the baby comes and I hit it she came up to the table. and it cries and I cut the umbilical "What kind do you want?" asked cord with my jackknife or my fin­ Abelard. gernail file and put the baby on "A white one. I need a white the breast and come up in London one." or New York or maybe Paris with "Here you are," said the old one of those big black capes around woman. "It's called a gardenia. me and the kid on my breast, hop­ Maybe it ain't as nice as what you ing the security police won't hear can get from the government nurs­ it cry. I'm a real woman. I'm a eries, but I grew it myself, sir. working girl. I work for my dia­ There's love went into the growing monds." of that flower." Abelard sat stunned as the tor­ Abelard paid the woman, and rent of words rushed over him. All .oshe bowed and went away. this time the girl had hardly raised The pale, intense Eurasian girl her voice, but her words were sat a long time, silent, holding the TURN OFF THE SKY 23 gardenia in her hand and studying then, baby? You don't like to think it. about my flesh turning grey and "You're a beautiful thing, little black and hanging off my bones, Bower," she said at last. 'Beautiful do you? You don't like to think and imperfect. There's a wonder­ about the little white worms that ful, beautiful spot on one of your will burrow into my brain, my petals. You're dying, poor thing, breasts, my womb, do you? I do. the same as I am, the same as ev­ I like to think about it. I think erybody is, and that's what makes everybody should think about it you so beautiful. It's the promise of often. Perhaps when my body rots death, and decay, and rebirth, and away it will turn into beautiful growth again. Isn't it beautiful, little blades of grass or perhaps a black baby?" white, white Bower like this. .J "Yes. Very beautiful," he mur­ wouldn't mind dying if I could mured. become a Bower.'' "Don't spoil it by trying to call She bowed her head ever so it 'very beautiful' as if you were slightly before the Bower and said trying to make words mean more reverently, "Sir.'' than they really do. It's just beauti­ Then she gently pulled one of ful, that's all. Don't talk about it. the petals from its blossom and be­ Just look at it. Look!" gan to nibble on it. She ate it Abelard looked. The girl turned slowly, and when she had fin­ the Bower around and around in ished, she broke off another petal the tips of her fantastically long, and ate it too. thin fingers. "Can I have some?" asked Abe­ "This flower is mine, you know," lard. she said, "I think it's really mine." "Here, darling," said the girl, "Of course," said Abelard softly. and placed a petal in his mouth. "No. Not, of course. Maybe it It was soft and nearly tasteless, doesn't belong to me at all. Maybe but he ate it anyway; She gave him it belongs to God. Maybe I belong another. Quietly, petal by petal, to God and you belong to God, they finished off the gardenia and too, whether you believe in Him sat a long time, looking at each or not. Maybe there's nothing in other without tension, without the world that really belongs to a thought. While he was eating it, person. Not even his own life." he had tasted little or nothing. It Her voice was gentle and far left a bitter aftertaste, however. away. "I could die now, you know. He washed it down with beer. Some day I will surely die and lie "Darling," said the girl, "if any­ quietly in the earth, slowly rotting thing ever happens to· me, try to away. Will I still be beautiful get along without me. Don't forget 24 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTiON me, but, you know, go on doing was still reluctant to leave the whatever it is you are doing. I safety of the lavatory. "What will won't always be around to watch that girl do next?" he wondered, out for you. Even when I'm not but he braced himself and went with you, remember that I still out. love you, I still care about you. She was gone. Keep warm, baby, and don't take He rushed to the table but dope. Okay? Promise?" found nothing there but a note "I promise." saying, "I will always be with you. "And try and get some money You will see me again the next and give it to that woman with the time you need me." flowers. She takes care of my chil­ It was signed "Reva." dren, you know. And maybe, some "\Vhere is she?" he shouted at day, one of my children will be the old flower woman. "Where did yours. Promise?" she go?" "I promise." "I don't know, sir. She comes Abelard felt a sudden need to and she goes as she pleases." go to the lavatory. It was not the "When will she be back?" moment for such a thing, but it "I don't know that either, sir. seldom is. It was probably the All I know is when she does she'll beer. Quickly he excused himself have her anns full of things for the and made his way back to the kids. Most likely she'll have two or men's room. · three men with her, all loaded It was an old, old lavatory. The down with presents. It's like an walls writhed with inscriptions on old fashioned Christmas whenever inscriptions on inscriptions . . . Reva comes home." Faded names and addresses of Desperately Abelard dashed out homosexuals, drawings, dirty into the night shouting, "Reva! jokes. "Make date." "Tourists, Reva! Come back! You can't just please do not· eat the rock candy leave me like this! REVA!" in the urinal." "Do not throw There was no answer. cigarettes in the toilet. It makes He ran all the way to Angel Sta- them soggy and hard to light." tion. "Donald Duck is a Jew." "REVA!" he shouted again. There were even a few half­ Silence. obliterated remarks in lipstick He went down the stairs three dating from that fantastic period steps at a time and emerged onto just after the World Civil War the platfonn. when men had taken to wearing "REVA!" makeup. When he had finished Only the echo of the tunnel an­ and washed his hands, Abelard swered him. TURN OFF THE SKY 25 With a rush and a hiss, the "I don't know," said Abelard. tram pulled in and opened its "I guess I lost it somewhere. Not doors. Abelard got on board in a important." daze. The doors closed behind him and the train was moving again, Some months later, Abelard with no perceptible jerk. At each strolled into Miss Smith's Tea station he searched in vain for Room on Grant Avenue in San some glimpse of a tall, thin figure Francisco with a new briefcase in black with black hair to her and a new supply of left-wing waist .•• some glimpse of a propaganda. It was possible to ob­ glittering diamond. There were tain a great many things in Miss people on the train now, a few at Smith's Tea Room, none of them first, then more and more until tea. The legends of the place had they were packed in solid. Once or it that it was originally a hang-out twice Abelard thought he saw for lesbians in some dim and dis· Reva in the crowd and struggled tant period in the past, that there through the packed bodies only to had once been a real Miss Smith find that he was wrong. Once or who owned it and several other twice he thought he saw her in a businesses in the Bay Area. It station as the train pulled out. He seems the "tea room" had gradu· had no idea how long he had ally become infiltrated by hete~ searched by the time he fell asleep sexuals until at last Miss Smith in the seat. He only knew, as he sold it in disgust. Mter passing slept, that he was being watched through many hands and many over, protected. He awoke, looked different types of clientele it· had through the window, and saw her at last become a meeting-place for standing on the platform, not the non-voting minority of anar­ three feet away from him, smiling chists in the area; that is, those gently. Before he could rise the who had not been swallowed up train doors shut, and Reva slipped in the Anti-Political Party. away behind. He was asleep again "Comrade Abelard!" said before the next station, asleep and George, sitting in the front booth at peace. In a trance he boarded by the window. George was a per· the ·trans-Atlantic tube for New manent fixture in the window. It York and fell asleep again. As he was said that he slept under the bar. staggered into his little· apartment "Comrade George!" cried Abe· in Brooklyn, his roommate stared lard, sitting down and pouring at him amazed. It was the first himself a beer from the wall tap. time Abelard had ever been seen "Share my burden?" without his briefcase. "Certainly. Certainly," •\Vhere's your burden?" "Still on the job?" 16 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "That's right. My job is just to and your mama and papa, but sit here in the window of Miss don't get an electra complex. You­ Smith's and talk to whoever 're here, that's what I told them, so wants to talk to me on any level he you're married to me. I can be wants to talk. Like I told them, anything you like to you. I can be when the time comes to move, I'll a bird if you really want me to, move; up, down, backwards, for­ and fly to Mars and back, and wards, or sideways. They say, never get up from this table. We why don't you go somewhere, can go together. Just don't get George, and I say, Man, there's hung up, that's all I'm saying really no place to go. You want to don't get hung up on any one spe­ go to London and see the Collin's cial thing or you're hooked. Peo­ Music Hall? This is a music hall ple say, George, what arc you right here, if you look at it from hooked on, and I say Life, man, the right angle. You want to go to Life, that's all. I just can't put it the Mistral Bookstore in Paris and down. You think 200 or 300 buy some dirty books? Listen, any years old is old. I don't look it, but book is a dirty book if you read it I'm older than that. I was here be­ right. I can get aroused reading fore this place was built. I helped the telephone book or the diction­ build the pyramids. Ever heard of ary. That's what I told them. Caligari? That was me. I'm in the There's only one direction that's Bible two or three times. Ever worth going and that's inward. heard of Judas? That was me. That's all I'm saying. Inward. Don't give me a bad time about it. They say, George, haven't you got I was under orders. Ever heard of anything better to do than talk, Cain? That was me. Doomed to and I say I'm working, what about walk the earth forever and never you? I look around at all these die. In the Bible it neglects to poor fools who want me to do this mention that the earth is a beau­ and do that and there's only one tiful place, that there's enough thing I can say about them, no beauty in one hair of your beard wonder the ship sank-look at to last all eternity. I don't want to the crew! Now I can tell you are go to Heaven. Man, I'm there! thinking about getting married. That bridge out there has been You've even got pants on to show remodeled three times, but they what a faithful husband you can still call it The Golden Gate. I've be. There's no such thing as a crossed over it hundreds of times. marriage with your pants on. You­ I could cross over every day if I 've got to love the person you are wanted to. Who are you marry­ with. That's all I'm saying. Right ing?" now I'm your wife. And your kids, "Her name is Reva," said Abe- TURN OFF 'I'HE SKY 27 lard, looking away. "She's a pros­ this morning.' She pulled my face titute." into her hair and I sniffed and "The Reva with the diamonds?" she was reeking of ether. She had "You know her?" spent all the previous night on the "Sure I know her," laughed fourth Boor of Cowell Hospital George. "We lived together once, with some student medical tech­ a few years back. Everybody men, sniffing ether to see what it knows Reva, or has heard of her. was like. And when she has They call her Reva, the Witch." menstrual cramps, she won't even "Reva, the Witch? Why?" take an aspirin. Well, she walked asked Abelard, leaning forward. in and looked around my place "If you don't know she's a and finally she said, 'How do you witch, you don't know her at all. like your eggs?' and I said 'Scram­ I'm a witch, too." bled,' so she scrambled some eggs "You?" and we had breakfast and went to George grinned proudly. bed together. Two months later I "How do you think I know came home and there was a note what you're thinking of all the on the table saying, 'Darling, I time, eh? You've got eyes, but have to go to Tibet, love, Reval' I they're for decoration only. Sure never saw her again. Do you see she's a witch. Anyone can be a her very often?" witch if they just open their eyes Abelard shook his head sadly. a fraction of an inch more. She's "I've only seen her once, a saint, too. The first authentic months ago," he said. saint in two thousand years. She'd "And you're in love with her? even be a martyr, except that You want to marry her? Isn't mar­ there isn't anything left worth dy­ riage against your principles?" de­ ing for." manded George, thrusting a quiv­ "You say you lived together?" ering finger under Abelard's nose. Abelard was amazed. "I know, I know. It's just this "That's right," said George. "I damned insomnia. I can't sleep. had a place across the bay in I've tried pills, I've tried booze, Berkeley, just off Telegraph Ave­ but nothing helps. I just keep nue. I got up about noon one thinking about her and thinking morning as usual and opened my about her, carrying on imaginary front door and there she was, conversations with her, trying to curled up on my doorstep, fast clearly visualize her face. When I asleep. I woke her up and she get her face into focus, there is a looked at me with no more rec­ moment of wonderful peace. She's ognition than if she'd just been smiling at mel She loves mel Then born, ·and said, 'I feel very ethereal I think of some key phrase, some 28 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION particular sentence, like 'years the Destruction of Ci'rilization and years' or just 'somewhere' and coming along?" my eyes fill with tears and I cry "Go ahead and laugh, you Cap­ and cry and cry, and can't stop italistic Dog, you Lackey of the crying. Whenever I don't get Ruling Class. After the revolution enough sleep it's bad for my com­ you'll be laughing through the plexion. Look at my face, all ove:r holes in your chest." pimples, painful ones. There's "So, it's Brother Ivanovitch's more on my back." turn to throw the bomb, eh?'' "What about your principles?'' chuckled George. "You'd better said George. "I can see your pim­ hurry up, comrade. If the Anti­ ples." Political Party wins the next elec­ "Those mimeographed 'Princi­ tion, there won't be any govern­ ples' in my briefcase?" snorted ment for you to throw bombs at. Abelard. "I used to read them by You'll be out of a job." the hour, but now I start one and "The State will never voluntar­ pretty soon I find I've read the ily give up its powers!" roared lit­ first sentence over ten or eleven tle Brother. "Don't you know any times without getting a mote of history? Social progress can only meaning out of it." come through violent revolution! The Tearoom door burst open The old order must be washed and Uttle Brother Ivanovitch away in a bath of blood." strode in, short, stocky, unkempt, "Sometimes," said George, "I with shaggy, matted· red hair and think you are more interested in a bushy mustache. He was carry­ the bath of blood than in the so­ ing a heavy package. cial progress that is supposed to "Comrade Ivanovitch!" cried come out of it." Abelard. "Share my burden?" "Never mind," growled Little "Don't comrade me, you yellow­ Brother, "you'll see. Nothing can bellied pacifist! You can share my alter the inevitable tides of his­ burden!" and with that he tory. The new social order will plunked the package down on the come and at its head will be the table. professional revolutionaries, like "What's that?" asked Abelard. Lenin, Trotsky, and me." "It's a bomb," said little Broth- "If you want to destroy civili­ er. zation," said Abelard, "why don't "A bombl" you become a Feelies techman? "I'm an anarchist of the old Those hi-fi feelies can broadcast a school. The bomb-throwing kind!" tone above the audio range called "Sit down and have a beer, lit­ the 'death whisper' that can kill a tle Brother," said George. "How is man.'' TURN OFF THE SKY 29 "That's right," said George. h·anovitch, pounding on the table "Just picture it, Little Brother. All with his fist. over the world everyone is listen­ "You are only worried about the ing to the feelies. Maybe the Pres­ practical angle, eh?" said George. ident is giving a speech." "Suppose I could smuggle you into "His inaugural address," said the control room while the Presi­ Abelard. dent is speaking. Suppose I point­ "Everybody is listening," con­ ed out to you which switch to tinued George, "except for the rev­ throw, which knob to turn? What olutionary elite. You arc in the then?" control room. You throw a switch, "Could you do it, really?" asked turn up the gain a little." Little Brother, eyes glowing; then "People feel uncomfortable and he saw that George was laughing they don't know why," said Abe­ at him. "PIG!" screamed lvano­ lard. vitch, "COUNTER-REVOLU­ "You turn up the gain a little TIONARY SCAB! You are only more. A few high-strung people go trying to trick me! You are trying to nuts and fall on the floor, kicking make fun of me! You'll see!" and screaming. You turn up the "Oh, shut up!" snapped Abc­ gain a little more and everybody lard. craps out. A little more and it lvanovitch was stunned. starts to work on the tissues of "Who are you telling to shut their bodies." up, you yellow-bellied pacifist? "They go deaf," said Abelard. Who do you think you are, me?" "They start bleeding from ev­ "Excuse Brother Abelard," said ery pore," added George. "They George. "He is not himself. He is scream and thrash around in their in love." blood, a bath of blood, just like "Oh, he is, is he?" you want. Then you turn up the "He wants to get married." gain just a hair more and they stop "Oh, he does, does he? And moving. All over the world they who, may I ask, is the poor, stu­ stop moving. They're dead, Little pid, misguided, idiotic, bad-smell­ Brother, and all because of a mu­ ing female?" sical tone, a little musical tone "Reva, the Witch." they can't even hear, because of "If only I knew where she was," you, Little Brother. Doesn't that moaned Abelard. make your mouth water?" "I know where she is, pig," said "You know I don't know any­ Little Brother. thing about electronics. It would "WHERE?" take me fifty years of study to be­ "Right outside the Tearoom in come a fee lies techman !" shouted my car, waiting for me." 30 FANTASY AND SCIENCE. FICTION George and Abelard leaped to you?' and she said 'Yes, I'm the their feet, as one man. "If you're only true prostitute left. The rest lying . . ." growled Abelard, as are all amateurs.' She wanted to he dashed past Little Brother and know all about anarchism and out the door, with George right she kept pumping and pumping behind him. Sure enough, there me, so finally I said, 'Look, I can't she was, sitting in the sky-car, possibly teach you all about an­ reading a dogeared copy of "Capi­ archism in one night. Why don't tal." you come and live with me for a "Reva!" shouted Abelard. while and we can exchange serv­ Carefully Reva marked her ices?' She said, 'All right,' and we place and closed the book. "Black went home together.'' Baby!" she said, "and George! Hel­ ''You went home with . • . lo, boys!" hbn?'' gasped Abelard to Reva. She opened the door and got ''Why not?" she answered, "He out. She was very, very pregnant. said he would teach me about an­ "I've been looking for you, archism, and I really wanted to Black Boy," she said. "You know, know.'' I don't even know your name?'' "I did teach you about anarch­ "Reva, the Witch," said George. ism, didn't I?" said Little Brother. "Let me introduce you to Abelard "Frankly, no, but you were a Rosenburg." barrel of fun anyway. All we ever "How do you do, Abelard?" did 'was make love and work on said Reva, shaking his hand. the bomb and play games." "Haven't I seen you somewhere be­ "What games?" asked George. fore?" "Different games," answered "Reva," cried Abelard. "I've Reva. "Believe me, there was never searched and searched for you! a dull moment with Little Brother Where did you go?" Ivanovitch." "To Chicago," answered Reva. Abelard felt sick. Suddenly all "You didn't have to search for me. he wanted to do was to leave, to I told you I'd turn up when you run, to get away. He turned and needed me." took a few steps. "I was in Jimmy's Tavern, near "Hey," said Reva, and he the University of Chicago," said stopped. "Come back here," she Little Brother, "when Reva came said, and he slowly returned. "You up to me and said, 'You're an shouldn't be so touchy. You may anarchist, aren't you?' and I said, be seeing a lot of me for the rest 'That's right. I'm the only true of your life." anarchist left. The rest are all "What-what do you mean?" fakes. You're a prostitute, aren't Abelard stammered. Tt.:R:-1 01'1' THE SKY 31 "\VeJI, not marriage exactly," the kids get older they'll be singing answered Reva, looking away. too. It will seem silly to us to go "But you know, when I found out anywhere, to leave, so you'll move I was pregnant I thought maybe in. I can just see you moving in the child might be yours. If it's now. You may not want to, but white, it might be anybody's, but lives are so God dam long now, if it's black, it can't be anyone's but sooner or later you will. The way yours. You know how these things I am it won't be long before there go. You'll know it's yours and I'll are other black babies . . . we'll know it's yours, and you'll always have to educate them all ourselves be coming around to see it. Well, because I'd rather die than let my pretty soon it will start to think kids go to public school and learn of you as daddy and my other to appreciate the feelies. I don't kids will get used to seeing you know if that's marriage, but that's around too. I'll keep running into what will happen if the baby is you all the time when you're there yours." and ha\'C to make supper for you 'What if it isn't?" asked Abe­ and lunch and if you stay over­ lard. night even breakfast. We'll be all "Maybe we'll be together for a the time playing with the kids to­ while. I'm in love with you, you gether and we'll get to be really know, because that story you told good friends, not just lovers. I me about your childhood was so know how these things snowball. sad it made me cry. I thought I'd All the time sitting around and forgotten how. You're in love with talking and doing the dishes to­ me, too, I can see, but being in gether and listening to music to­ love doesn't last very long. A gether and reading the books we week, a month, a year, then it will recommend to each other. Do you go stale and we'll both start look­ play chess? I do." ing again, riding undergrounds "I play chess a little," said Abe­ alone and looking for someone to lard. pick up. That's what will happen "I play the guitar, too," said if it isn't." Reva. "(like to sing the old songs, "I have to be getting back," said the simple ones like we heard that George. "Somebody might come night in the music hall. Do you into the Tearoom looking for me." sing?" "Goodbye, George," said Little "I could learn." Brother. "We won't miss you." "It's not hard with these songs. George strolled away leaving I know how it will go. We'll be all the two anarchists jealously glow­ the time sitting around the kitchen ering at each other. table singing together and when 'Wel1," growled Little Brother 32 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION to Reva, "are you going with me or ance," explained Little Brother as staying with Abelard?" he straight-armed Abelard's head 'Why do you have to be so against the side of the car. As Abe­ anti-social?" asked Reva, "I lard staggered forward, blood thought we might all go some­ streaming from his nose and where together. I'm too far along mouth, Little Brother tripped him to have sex anyway, so there's no up and threw him Bat on his face reason to be jealous." on the concrete sidewalk, then Little Brother put the bomb in aimed a vicious kick at his head. the car and considered a moment. Abelard grabbed Little Brother's "But it's him you love?" he mu­ foot with his good hand and hung tered. on. "I love everybody," said Reva, "So you're going to fight, eh?" with a toss of her head. crowed Little Brother. "What will "Well, perhaps," said Little it be? Knives? Guns? Or bombs?" Brother. He turned to Abelard. "Is Abelard released the foot. Little that all right with you, comrade? Brother took out a switchblade Let's shake hands and call it a knife, popped it open, and began truce." cleaning his nails. "Well, Reva, "All right with me. Here, you wanted to learn all about an­ shake." archism. You have just witnessed As they extended their hands to a demonstration of the difference each other, a happy, peaceful between violent and non-violent smile came over Little Brother's anarchism. Note that Abelard did face. It remained ·there, as fixed as not once cry out in pain, even if it had been painted on, as Little when I broke his thumb, but nev­ Brother took hold of Abelard's ertheless I am standing up and thumb and bent it over backwards he," he spat in Abelard's face, "is until it broke with an audible lying down." He folded the knife snap. up and put it back in his pocket. "He won't fight back," said Lit­ "I hope you two will be very, very tle Brother, turning to Reva. "He's happy." a non-violent, pacifistic anarch­ With that, Little Brother ist." Still smiling, Little Brother climbed into the sky-car, kicked it brought his elbow up suddenly abruptly into the air, then swung into Abelard's face, then, in a east and was soon out of sight. single efficient gesture, kneed him "Come on," said Reva, helping in the groin and swung the blade Abelard to his feet, "we've got to of his hand down on Abelard's get you to a hospital." neck in a perfect rabbit punch. In about a week the thumb was "This is called passive resist- healed enough so Abelard could TURN OFF THE SKY 33 remove the splint and bandages, he said, with a gesture of con­ but he still had to use it with care. tempt. Reva and Abelard settled down "What you say is true, black for a trial run at ma!riage. The baby, except the part where you best part of it was the long, long try to include yourself out. You are talks together in bed. Sometimes mad at God because you don't these lasted until the early hours agree with the way he put the of the morning, and touched on world together. You think you every subject conceivable. They might do a better job if you had talked about love, and politics, the chance. Maybe leave death and religion, and children, and out. Maybe make a few other alter­ astrology, and their childhoods, ations here and there to make it and history, and music, and every more to your taste. I think if you other thing man has ever thought understood a little better how the about. Sometimes Reva would get whole thing works, you'd change out her guitar and sit cross-legged your mind. Like death, for in­ on the bed, playing it and singing stance. You don't understand old folksongs like "Stormy Weath­ death at all. It isn't so bad. You er," "Stardust," and "White Christ­ think it is like losing a game of mas," for hours. Sometimes they cards. Man, you don't lose! It is would lie dozing for ten minutes just that every once in a while or so between sentences, then they reshuffle the cards and deal start talking again on an entirely out a new hand. You think you different tack. are a player, but you are really "Abe," she would say, soft and more like a hand of cards. One drowsy. combination of cards makes a "Yeah?" man, another hand of cards makes "Why don't you believe in a cow, another a flower, but they God?" keep using the same cards over ''I'd hate to think that anyone and over. You are always dying, would make a world like this on but you never really die. Nothing purpose," he answered. dies. There's nothing to be afraid "What do you mean?" of. No reason to feel sorry for "If there is a God, he would yourself and give God a bad time." ha,·e to be a monster, creating He raised his hand to stem the only to destroy, giving life only to torrent of words. kill. God made every living thing "I don't care what happens to with a hunger for something. He the atoms in my body, Reva. They made the world so that every liv­ can turn into snakes, spiders and ing thing must kill to live, then be poison ivy for all I care. That isn't killed in turn. Include me out!" me. That isn't the real me." 34 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "What is the real you?" she the body that it is still there, and if asked, tickling his nose. she gets pregnant all the thinking He thought a moment. in the world won't stop the baby "A mathematical point. The from coming. I know all about point of consciousness," he said. that inner eye, baby, but I also "The inner eye that can see every­ know that everything in life that thing but itself. I speak of my is real is of the body. You eat with body, my thoughts, my feelings. your mouth and stomach, you They are all my belongings, my have sex largely with your geni­ possessions, but they are not me. tals, you carry a child in your I am the owner of these things womb. When you are angry or but separate from them. The Hin­ afraid, you do it with your glands. dus call the 'I' thing the Atman. Some of the most intense mo­ That Atman eye opens when I am ments of pleasure come when that born, slowly at first, without -un­ Atman eye is temporarily closed. derstanding, then watches, watch­ A wild drinking binge that you es, watches as my life passes can't remember in the morning, a through time. It doesn't miss a dream that is too beautiful to see thing, Reva. It doesn't miss a with that eye, that evaporates in thing. Even if I go insane, the At­ the daylight like a mirage. And man eye that is me will go on actually, honey, you don't know quiedy watching my delusions for sure that that inner eye ever and hallucinations. Then I die, closes. Maybe just when you think and the inner eye closes, never to it is closing, it really opens for the open again. That js death. Don't first time. Just when you think you try to make it pretty. Don't try to are going to sleep forever, you pretend it doesn't exist. When really wake up as never before. A that inner eye closes, you're dead, mathematical-point has no physi­ dead, deadly dead as if you had cal dimensions . . . it needs no never lived." physical body to give it reality. She ran her fingers through his Your Hindu friends thought the kinky steel-wool hair. Atman, that point of conscious­ "You're top-heavy, Abe," she ness, just got shuffled and re-dealt said. "You're trying to live all in like all the rest of the cards in the your head and ignore your body. deck, at least until it reached a You're trying to make out like one state of oneness with God called small part of you is the whole Nirvana. I ask you, when you die, works. A woman has a harder where do you think that thing time than a man pretending she goes, that Atman, that mathemati­ hasn't got a body. Once a month cal point, that soul-thing? Where she gets a little reminder from does it go?,. TURN OFF THE SKY 35 ''Well, Reva, when you blow ground, laughing like a madwom­ out a candle, where does the flame an. Suddenly a single beam of go? I guess they both go about the sunlight broke through the clouds same place." He laughed. and carne down directly onto the "You're too much, black baby. little merry-go-round, blindingly You're too much." bright. Reva, hanging by the She rolled over and gave him crooks of her legs and lying on the up for lost, for the moment. air, stared straight up into the One day there was a rainstorm turning sky and the savage, un­ and Reva and Abelard went out sheathed sun, unblinking, until naked into the children's play­ the clouds covered its face again, ground and danced primitive Afri­ turning it first into a moon, then can dances and sang primitive hiding it altogether. improvised African chants amid "Abe," yelled Reva, "Stop this the dark skeletons of slides and thing, will you?" swings and see-saws as the light­ "What's wrong?" ning flashed and the rain poured "The baby is starting to dance, down. They waded through mud­ too. I want to go horne." · puddles, splashing and shrieking, They went home arm in arm, their feet sinking up to the ankle singing "Careless Love" at the top in warm mud. Abelard found a of their voices. slick spot, took a running start, As they slopped up the hallway, and slid on it, falling headlong at covered with mud, one of the oth­ the end of the slick. Reva got into er tenants, a dignified old spinster, a swing and started swinging, stared at them as if they were visi­ higher and higher into the sheets tors from Mars. When they got of rain. Lightning made cracks in into their apartment they went the roof of the sky and thunder straight to the bathroom, turned beat its fists on the floor of the on the shower, got into the shower earth and in between the skyscrap­ together, and with many a grunt ers swam in grey and dirty yellow and ticklish giggle, proceeded to light and the sidewalks were wash each other clean. glazed like pottery. Rev a got on As the day when the baby was the Merry-Go-Round and Abe­ due drew near, Reva became less lard pushed it, slowly at first, then and less active. She was sick a lot, faster and faster, until Reva's mop and had pains • . . particularly of hair stood out horizontally with in her back. Abelard spent a good centrifugal force. Reva hooked deal of time rubbing her back, fix­ her legs around the seat and ing her meals, reading to her and leaned back on empty space until talking to her. She liked poetry, her head almost touched the and though Abelard had never 36 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION been much interested in it before, "To Reva. except for the social protest type "And thus it begins, of poem, he became, in the hours of reading aloud, intoxicated with Singing and dancing and drink­ the written and spoken word. One ing and laughing and standing, day, while Reva was taking a nap, Suddenly silent, in each other's he sat down, his head buzzing eyes. It is the moment of touching. with the "hipster" poetry of the It is the day of the Revelation of late twentieth century, and began the Body. to scribble a poem of his own. A It is the month of Obsession, the few lines came easily . . . the year of sleep-dancing. tough part was the "filler" lines The end of the some questions, between the ones supplied him by 'What is Right and Wrong?' inspiration. He had written 'Is there a God?' pounds of prose on political sub­ 'If a tree falls with no one to jects before . . . but such writ­ hear it, does it make a sound?' ing is mostly a matter of lining up The beginning of others. a few well~wom cliches in a 'Do you really love me?' slightly different order. The trou­ 'What are you thinking?' ble with poetry, real poetry, was 'Where are you going?' that it had to. "ring true" -to re­ 'How could you hurt me so flect, if not reality, at least a rec­ much?' ognizable delusion. H~ had re­ "And thus it begins, written it five times when Reva awoke and asked him what he was With pleasure, and the pleasure doing. of giving pleasure. "Oh, nothing," he answered, With moist lips, warm thighs, and tongues and hands and trying to hide the paper. bodies, "Here, let's see that." And words, and silences, "No, no, it's something pri- The compulsion to submit, to vate." serve, "Then, I really must see it." The proud examination of the "It's just a sort-of-poem." tooth's brand "Read it aloud to me." By the bedlamp. "No, it's too awful." "And thus, and thus it begins, "Here, give it to me. I'll read it With the wonder of this small aloud. Don't worry, I won't ex­ hand thrust into mine, - pect too much," she said. So fierce, so commanding, Reluctantly he handed it to So timid, so pleading. her. She cleared her throat and in It is the hand of a young girl's a low, husky voice, began to read. love, TURN OFF THE SKY 37 A young girl, horizon, tangled in feelies anten­ Still fleeing the phantoms o£ nae. Abelard kissed Reva's earlobe childhood, and she sighed softly, tangling Still trusting to the fortuitous her fingers in his beard. intervention of elves, ''You're beginning to see now," Loving small animals and large gestures. said Reva. Lovely girl, sweet creature, I ''Yes," whispered Abelard. would walk a ways with you. Then the phone rang. I would protect you and catch Abelard reached over and your tears in my hands to save. turned it on. The screen glowed We will hide together in a little milky and vague for a moment, room, then the face of Little Brother And sleep, Ivanovitch snapped into focus. And when you wake you will "Comrade!" said Little Brother, dress slowly as I watch with an attempt at a friendly grin. As I watch you don the purple vestments and robes o£ Woman. "What do you want?" growled Abelard in answer. · "Thus begins-the always begin­ "Nothing much," said Little ning-without end." Brother. "I just want to borrow your woman for a few hours. All After. she had finished, Reva she has to do is appear with me was silent for some time, staring on the speaker's platform at a po­ at the paper. Finally she set it litical meeting. I think it will gently on the bedtable and looked show that we Nichivist Anarchists at Abelard. Then she smiled, and are interested in the future if I Abelard sat down on the edge of show up with a pregnant woman." the bed, took her in his arms, and ''You're crazy," said Abelard, kissed her. He lay down beside "She can't go anywhere now. The her and she put her head on his baby is due in a few days." shoulder. A train rumbled by, far "Never mind," said Reva, then away. The wind moved the light turned to the screen. "Greetings, white curtains at the window. Comrade. What kind of games Some children outside sang, "Nya· do you want to play with me, nya, nya-nya, Peggy's got a boy now? Can't they wait?" friend. Peggy's got a boy friend." Little Brother shook his head. A rocket scratched the white "No, the world election is to­ enamel surface of the sky, one morrow. We have only a matter straight hairline dividing the nev­ of hours to convince the people er-darkened heaven into two near­ not to vote. I need your help, ly equal halves. The ghost of the Reva, badly. Our movement has crescent moon lay low near the been branded as the Minority in 38 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION favor of Death by the Anti-Politi­ "You want to come along, cal Party. Unless we can in some Abe?" asked Rev a. way identify ourselves with Life "No, and I don't think you there will be an Anti-Political should go either." landslide. The APP has dug up "Nonsense," said Reva. "You proof positive that the World worry too much." President is a dope addict." "I'll pick you up in a half an "It will take more than my hour," said Little Brother, and the bulging stomach to sway the peo­ screen went blank. Half an hour ple," said Reva. later Little Brother arrived, carry­ Little Brother nervously tugged ing his bomb, as usual, under his at his mustache. arm. For a moment the two an­ "No, no, Reva. The APP reve­ archists glared at each other; then lations have swapped people just Abelard turned to Reva and said, a little too much. There are strong "For God's sake, be reasonable. A indications that a great number of feelies studio is no place for a people will not vote at all out of woman in your condition." sheer disgust with all politics. "What do you know about it?" That a crazy party like the APP asked Reva. "Have you ever had a could gain such power in the .first baby? I've had two, and I know place is strong evidence that peo­ what I'm doing." ple have had just about all they With that she slipped on her can take of government. If we can jacket, took Little Brother's arm, bring about a general voters' and started for the door. strike, the whole structure of Gov­ "I'll meet you after the broad­ ernment will come down with a cast at Angel Station in London," crash." she shouted over her shoulder. "What's that to me?" asked Then the door closed and Abelard Reva. was alone with his growing appre­ 'We've got some time on the hension. Restlessly he wandered feelies in a few hours. How we around the apartment, nervous look means a lot more than what .fingers toying with his beard, then we say on the feelies, you know." he sat down beside the bed and Reva thought a moment. drummed a few Anglo-Indian "How long will I be on?" she Hams on the nighttable. "Obvi· asked. ously," he thought, "it won't do "Just a few minutes." me any good to hang around here. "Okay, I might just as well. It Must be some place I can go to will do me good to get out." kill some time." Abelard was alarmed. "What if Then he thought of the Tivoli ••." he began. Gardens in Denmark. It was a gi- TURN OFF THE SKY 39 gantic amusement park, covering hie-jointed Hindus illustrated the entire area of what had once seemingly impossible positions for been the city of Copenhagen. The making love. Age of Leisure had created an in­ "Look at that!" screamed Little satiable hunger for amusement Brother. "Just look at that! Are that had caused many other those the mindless sheep, the stu­ amusement parks to devour the pid, dirty-minded, worthless, no­ cities around them, but the Tivoli good pigs of a dog that I am de­ was the world's largest and, to voting my whole life to freeing? Abelard's mind, the best of them All they want is bread and cir­ all. Without further thought, he cuses! Some new way of over­ left the aparbnent and headed for populating the already overpopu­ the subway. lated planet! I should just let them sink in their comfortable, smoth­ After the broadcast, Little ering mud. They don't care. I am Brother stormed out of the studio, prepared to die for them and they mumbling curses and obscenities don't even care enough to listen to and glaring balefully at everyone me without laughing." in sight. Reva trotted behind him, Reva took his arin and patted trying to conceal her amusement. him comfortingly. "They didn't even listen," he "Why don't you come to Col­ snarled, as they went down in the lin's Music Hall in London and elevator. "They laughed at me, as drown your sorrows in Half and if I was just some kind of a comic Half with the rest of us anarchists, trying to amuse them." capitalists, prostitutes, and other "They only laughed when you semi-extinct dinosaurs?" she threw your script at the audience," asked. Reva reminded him. "I might as well, for all they "I couldn't stand their goddam care." polite silence! They were just tol­ When they boarded the Trans­ erating me. Just humoring me, as Atlantic Tube, Little Brother was if I was a madman! still in a foul mood. As they went The elevator opened and they down the corridor to their com­ emerged onto the ground floor, a partment, a fat old matron tem­ long corridor lined with small porarily blocked their way. Little shops and feelies screens showing Brother screamed, "Pig!" and every imaginable kind of show. raised his bomb as if to strike her A large crowd was gathered before with it. Reva restrained him and the one showing the Deva Dasi gently guided him onward. She Show. The crowd gazed in rapt managed to get him settled in the admiration as two seemingly dou- compartment and sat holding his 40 F!\NTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION hand and saying soothing, com­ ridor to her compartment. When forting, and meaningless things she tried the door, she found it was to him until the train got under locked. She knocked, lightly at way. Then she left him, carefully first, then harder. closing the door behind her, and "It's Reva!" she shouted. "Let made her way to the lavatory. An me in. old man with a bottle of whiskey There was no answer. She in his hand was just coming out. pounded again, this time with all Reva recognized him. her strength. "Hello, Sanders," she said, "still "Open up, damn you! My con­ riding the trains, eh ?" tractions have begun! You want "That's right," chuckled the old me to have pups all over the cor­ man. Since they put in the free ridor floor?" whiskey vending machines ten There was no answer. years ago, I haven't been above Reva kicked the door. ground once. I've been around the "I know you're in there! Open world more times in more ways up, you crazy bastard!" she than I can count, and I expect I'll screamed. go around it a few hundred times The door opened a crack and more before I'm done." Little Brother peeped out. She smiled and touched his lips "Go somewhere else to have with her finger, silencing him. your lousy baby. I'm busy in "I know Sanders. You told me here," he growled. all about it before, a couple of "What are you up to, anyway? years ago." · Let me in, for God's sake." She "I don't see why anyone ever threw her full weight against the bothers to go above ground, Reva. door and it opened enough for her The seats in these tubes are as to see that the seat was strewn comfortable as any bed, and you with wrapping paper. The box in can get anything you want from which Little Brother kept his the machines ..•" bomb lay empty on the floor. "Look, Sanders, I'll see you Wedging her foot in the door she around. Okay? I gotta go now." forced her head in far enough so Sanders reached out a shaking she could see the window. There claw of a hand to grab her arm, was the bomb, black and sinister, but Reva stepped back, turned, stuck to the window with some and had pushed through the -door sort of suction disks. to the lavatory when the first con­ "You put that thing away," she traction came. Gritting her teeth said. "You might hurt somebody against the pain, she staggered out with it." of the lavatory and down the cor- "No, I will not put it away. I'll TURN OFF THE SKY 41 show them I mean business. I'll "Hello," said Reva, stepping in. show them I am not a harmless Sanders jumped to his feet. crackpot. The time has come for "Hello, Reva," he said. "Sit some Propaganda of the Act." down and talk a bit." "Look, you make propaganda "Hello," she repeated tonelessly, some other time. I'm making a taking his outstretched hand. baby now, and it won't wait." "What's wrong?" His watery "Even you don't believe I'm se­ bloodshot eyes widened. rious! Even you don't believe I "Hello," she repeated softly, have the guts to give my life for "hello, hello, hello." freedom!" he shouted. Somewhere in her mind a door "You aren't the only one on this began to open and a tired voice train. You can give your life for said, "Well, here it finally is. Hel­ freedom if you want to, but I need lo, death!" iny life. I am a mother and I've There was a dull, deep thud got kids to watch out for." that sent a shudder through the "It is for your kids that I am whole train. "No," whispered doing this. Yes, and for all the Reva, throwing her arms around other kids in the world today, and Sanders. "No!" She kissed his in all the centuries to come." toothless mouth, drawing the Suddenly he released his hold stink of his alcoholic breath into on the door-and Reva fell inward. her lungs until she could hold no While she was still off balance, he more. With a long weary sigh the gave her a terrific shove that land­ air left the train through the flow­ ed her flat on her bottom in the erlike hole in its side, pouring into corridor, then slammed and locked the vacuum of the tunnel in swirl­ the door. ing, glittering clouds of snow Reva sat staring at the door a crystals. Inside, compartment moment, then pulled herself to her doors bulged and burst open, and feet and began to run. An old folk­ the passengers, like deep-sea fish song beat time for her steps. brought too quickly to the surface, "Run, sinnerman, where will exploded, spattering the luxurious you run to ..." walls and upholstery with blood She came to an open compart­ and flesh and bits of sticky cloth. ment door. Inside, Sanders was 1]te blood froze before it had a just tipping up the bottle. The cliance to run, and the train bald top of his head glistened in rushed on at a thousand miles an the indirect lighting, the white hour in absolute silence. The hair at the back hung down his United Nations Ham movie cast neck as he tilted his head back, a fantastic multi-colored light into trying to squeeze the last drop. the compartment containing what 42 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION had once been an old man and There was a lot of cheering as what had once been a young wom­ the feelies focused on one city an. There was another being in after another, a few minor big­ the compartment, lying half in wigs spoke briefly, then •.• and half out of the tom stomach "and now we take you to the of the woman. Enough remained World Capital at Antarctica for of it so that at least you could see the acceptance speech of Gerald its skin was dark, very dark, and Davis, president of the Anti-Po­ it was a boy. litical Party and now President of The Trans-Atlantic Tube ar­ the World!'; rived in London exactly on time. "Thank you, thank you," came Abelard waited at Angel Sta­ a trained feelies voice, deep and tion, growing more and more convincing. "Thank you for the restless and worried as the hours applause and thank you for your rolled by. He picked up some al­ votes. I think you all realize that gae candy at the vending ma­ this has been not just another elec­ chines, but he couldn't seem to tion, but an election to end, lit­ swallow it. For a while he would erally to end, all elections. For the sit on the platform, watching the first time in history a group of trains come and go and the people men has come into power for the hurry about almost as if they had sole purpose of putting an end to something important to do. Then power. The behavior of my pre­ he would go upstairs and loaf decessor in this office has clearly around on the street level. The demonstrated what wise men have window of a nearby house was always known, that is-power open, and Abelard could hear the tends to corrupt, and absolute feelies playing inside. They w~re power to corrupt absolutely. I and reporting the returns of the world my party are pledged to a unique elections. platform .•. a program for our Abelard listened with half an own removal from office. Yes, we ear, shifting nervously from one are going to abdicate and there will foot to the other. He listened more be, we hope, no successors to our for the time announcements than offices, ever again." for the election returns; the time "Where is that bitch?" won­ announcements that came and dered Abelard. "What happened kept on coming while Abelard to her? Do you suppose she ran waited. off with Little Brother? Maybe the The Election results were no baby was born, and it was white. surprise. Then she'll stay with Little Broth­ It was a landslide victory for er. Then she'll kiss him and play the Anti-Political Party. his filthy perverted games • • • TURN OFP THE SKY 43 and love him. Then she might throws the last tyrant of all, the never see me again!" tyrant of government! The world "My first act in office," said the that men have dreamed of since President of the World, "will be the dawn of time at last is here, a the dissolution of the army and se­ world of peace, and unlimited curity police. They have long plenty, and unlimited freedom since ceased to have any real rea­ • . . the last barrier to happiness son for existence. The few regu­ is destroyed!" latory functions still exercised by "That crazy bitch! How can she the police will be taken over by do this to me?" whispered Abe­ automatic machines. My second lard, sitting down on the curb and act in ·office will be to abandon holding his head in his hands. "I the money system. In an age when love her, I love her! How can she automation provides plenty for just wander away and never come all, free, money is only the worth­ back? Wander away and never less plaything of people who want find her way home ..." to live in the past." "The last barrier to Happiness ''What does it matter," thought is destroyed, my friends, and I, Abelard, "who is the biological fa­ your elected President, have only ther of Reva's child? If it wasn't one command for you. Seize it!" mine, I'd still love it. I'd still Abelard reached into the gut­ bring it up just as if it were my ter and picked up a rock and own." hurled it through the window with "No more cops, courts, jails and a crash of breaking glass. taxes," said the President of the "She's not coming," he whis­ World. "No more armed bodies of pered. "She's not coming, ever." men, no more monopoly on the A head appeared at the window. use of force, no more coercion of "Hurrah for freedom!" shouted man by man, no more tyranny of the head. the majority over the minorities. Abelara wove drunkenly down Today marks the beginning of a the steps_ into the subway. new era . . . the era of freedom! The sky shone a blank and Mankind has conquered nature, shadowless white, and continued overthrown the tyrant of econom­ to shine night and day throughout ic necessity! Now mankind over- his long and vacant life. The truth about Calvin W. "Biff" Demmon (as distinct from the fake "biography" which his curious sense of humor impelled him to submit for THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING IMPORTANT [F&SF, March 1968}) may now be told. He is twenty years old and six feet tall, is the proprietor of the high-quality Demmon . dog, has a beard, smokes cigars, attends Oakland (Cal.) City Col­ lege, lu13 published a variety of amateur magazines such as FUN WEEKLY, •sKOAN•, CHEESE SANDWICH, CHICKEN WAGON, FIG NEWTON, and THE WONDERFUL SINGING RABBIT OF GLENDALE DRNE (we kid you not); is fond of butt.ered lima beans. We predict that Calvin W. "Biff" Demmon will become the Calvin W. "Biff" Demmon of our time, as George Ade and Robert Benchley were (respectively) the George Ade and Robert Benchley of their times. Mr. Demmon is an authority on genies, and his story for today deals with one named

FRED

by Calvin W. Demmon

ONCE UPON A TIME THERE WAS Fred hated that, but he couldn't was a Genie named Fred. Fred do anything about it because Gen­ lived in an old Seven-Up Bottle. ies have this Moral Code which "This house isn't worth two cents," says if (this is a quote) somebody he would often mutter on a wild pinches your cheek you can't do Friday evening, and then, as if anything about it. to prove it, he would take the bot- Well, one day Fred decided he tie to the Corner Grocery Store. would fix up his little Seven-Up "I'm sorry, Son," the stupid old Bottle. "I'll show that stupid old man in there would say .. "This man," he said, so he began. First bottle is Cracked and Chipped. I he went to the Library and learned can't give you two cents for it, nor a bunch of Spells out of an old even one cent nor an old Abba- Freddy-the-Pig book. Then he Zabba bar." Then he would laugh visited a certain dusty old al­ quietly and pinch Fred's cheek. chemist on 32nd Street in down- 44 FRED 45 town Boise, Idaho, and this dusty good old Fred smiled, wiped his old alchemist gave him some dusty brow, and got a Big Glint of Suc­ old powders and pills and potions. cess in his left eye. He went proudly ("Powders, Pills, and Potions," it back to the Comer Grocery. said in the d.o. alchemist's win­ "I have brought a bottle for re­ dow, because it Sure Sounded turn of my two-cent deposit," said Nice.) Then Fred took his little Fred, in his clumsy Genie Way. Seven-Up bottle out behind a The little old man in there Service Station, drew a big Star looked at the bottle and sneered. around it, and went to work. He "I'm sorry, Son," he said. "I can't cast Spell upon Spell, and he give you two cents for this bottle, made orange and blue fires with nor even one cent nor an Abba­ the powders, and he took the pills Zabba Bar. It has a fireplace and Internally. Nobody knows for sure a couch and a little sunken bath­ what he did with the potions. If tub in it." Then he smiled crook­ he had any sense he threw them edly arid pinched Fred's cheek. away, but he didn't have any Fred was very sad, and, cursing sense. softlv, he drained himself off into After about four hours of this, a Vick's Inhaler.

Through Time And Space With ferdinand feghoot: LXIV In 2856, the Members of the newly formed Time-Travellers Club sent Ferdinand Feghoot off to investigate the hazards they might expect to encounter in the pursuit of their hobby. "Now take care,'' warned Dame Electra MacClinch, the Club's first Tem­ porary President. "Try not to get lost, and be mre to get back here promptly next Thursday.'' The Members gave Feghoot three rousing cheers, and, stepping through the )( in the wall, he immediately vanished. When he returned, after seventeen years, his reception was very much colder. Alerted by the time-shuttle's signal, the Membership had assembled, and Dame Electra was regarding him with a frosty gray eye. He was wearing a kilt, and he had Robert Burns with him. Each had an ann round a pretty but slightly over-ripe woman in the dress of the late 18th Century, and they had obviously been having a wonderful time. Feghoot introduced the great poet; then with a chuckle he presented Nell Trott and Meg Lively. "I have heard of this Burns person,'' sniffed Dame Electra. "But what are these-creatures?" "Hoot, lass-they're famous!" laughed Ferdinand Feghoot. "Hae ye no hearrd o' the pair o' doxies of time travel?" -GRENDEL BIUARTON (with thtmks to Romina Grobis) SCIENCE 0

In which our Contributing Science Editor observes that "there are more things to be counted ln thls universe than material ob­ fects," and forthwith pt'Oceeds to reveal to the said universe the Asimovian T -numbers-a new concept in . • • in . . . well, in T -n~tmbers.

T -FORMATION

by Isaac Asimov

I HAVE BEEN ACCUSED OF HAVING A MAD PASSION FOR LARGE NUM· hers and this is perfectly true. I wouldn't dream of denying it. How­ ever, may I point out that I am not the only one? For instance, in a book entitled Mathematics and the Imagination (published in I940), the authors, Edward Kasner and James Newman, introduced a number called the "googol" which is good and large and which was promptly taken up by writers of books and articles on popular mathematics. Personally, I think it is an awful name, but the young child of one of the authors invented it, and what could a proud father do? Thus, we are afflicted forever with that baby-talk number. The googol was defined as the number I followed by a hundred zeroes, and so here (unless I have miscounted or the Noble Printer has goofed) is the googol, written out in full: I 0 ,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo, 000,000,000,000,000. Now this is a pretty clumsy way of writing a googol, but it fits in 46 T-FORMAnON 47 with our system of numeration, which is based on the number 10. To write large numbers we simply multiply 1 O's, so that a hundred is ten times ten and is written 100; a thousand is ten times ten times ten and is written 1,000 and so on. The niunber of O's in the number is equal to the number of tens being multiplied, so that the googol, with a hundred zeros following the 1, is equal to a hundred tens multiplied together. This can also be written as 10100• And stnce 100 is ten times ten or 102, the googol can even be written as 1 010", Certainly, this form of exponential notation (the little figure in the upper right of such a number is an "exponent") is very convenient, and any book on popular math will define a googol as 10100• However, to anyone who loves large numbers, the googol is only the beginning and even this shortened version of writing large numbers isn't simple enough."' / So I have made up my own system for writing large numbers and I am going to use this article as a chance to explain it. (Freeze, every­ one! No_one's leaving till I'm through.)

The trouble, it seems to me, is that we are using the number 10 to build upon. That was good enough for cave-men, I suppose, but we modems are terribly sophisticated and we know lots better numbers than that. For instance, the annual budget of the United States of America is in the neighborhood, now, of $100,000,000,000 (a hundred billion dollars). That means 1,000,000,000,000 (one trillion) dimes. Why don't we, then, use the number, one trillion, as a base? To be sure, we can't visualize a trillion, but why should that stop us? We can't even visualize fifty-three. At least if someone were to show us a group of objects and tell us there are fifty-three of them altogether, we couldn't tell whether he were right or wrong without counting them. That makes a trillion no less unreal than fifty-three, for we have to count both numbers and both are equally countable. To be sure, it would take us much longer to count one trillion than to count fifty­ three but the principle is the same and I, as anyone will tell you, am a man of principle. The important thing is to associate a number with something physi­ cal that can be grasped and this we have done. The number 1 ,000,- 000,000,000 is roughly equal to the number of dimes taken from your

"'The proper name for the googol, before l fD_!J.et, fs "ten duotrigintlllion" but I dare say, gloomily, that that will never replace 'googol." 48 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION pocket and mine (mostly mine, I sometimes sullenly think) each year by kindly, jovial Uncle Sam to build missiles and otherwise run the government and the country. Then, once we have it firmly fixed in our mind as to what a trillion is, it takes very little effort of imagination to see what a trillion trillion is; a trillion trillion trillion and so on. In order to keep from drowning in a stutter of trillions, let's use an abbreviated system that, as far as I know, is original with me •.,. Let's call a trillion, T-1; a trillion trillion T-2; a trillion trillion trillion T-3 and form large numbers in this fashion. (And there's the "T-formation" of the title! Surely you didn't expect football?) Shall we see how these numbers can be put to use? I have already said that T-1 is the number of dimes it takes to run the United States for one year. In that case, T-2 would represent the number of dimes it would take to run the United States for a trillion years. Since this length of time is undoubtedly longer than the United States will en­ dure (if I may be permitted this unpatriotic sentiment) and, in all likelihood, longer than the planet Earth will endure, we see that we have run out of financial applications of the Asimovian (ahem!) T­ numbers long before we have even reached T-2. Let's try something else. The mass of any object is proportional to its content of protons and neutrons which, together, may be referred to as "nucleons/' Now T-1 nucleons make up a quantity of mass far too small to see in even the best optical microscope and even T-2 nu­ cleons make up only 1% grams of mass, which, for you non-metrics, is about 1/16 of an ounce. Now we've got room, it would seem, to move way up the T-scale. How massive, for instance, are T-3 nucleons? Since T-3 is a trillion times as large as T-2, T-3 nucleons have a mass of 1.67 trillion grams or a little under two million tons. Maybe there's not as much room as wethought. · In fact the T-numbers build up with breath-taking speed. T-4 nu­ cleons equals the mass of all the earth's ocean, and T-5 nucleons equals the mass of a thousand Solar systems. If we insist on continuing up­ ward, T-6 nucleons equals the mass of 10,000 galaxies the size of ours, and T-7 nucleons are far, far more massive than the entire known uni­ verse.

• Actually, Archimedes set up a system of numbers based on the myriad, and spoke of a myriad myriad, a myriad myriad myriad and so on. But a myriad is only 10,000 and I'm using 1,000,000,000 000, sol don't consider Archimedes to be affecting my origiuality. Besides, he onfy beat me out by less than nventy-two centuries. T•FORMATION 49 Nucleons are not the only subatomic particles there are, of course, but even if we throw in electrons, mesons, neutrinos and all the other paraphernalia of subatomic structure, we cannot reach T -7. In short, there are far less than T-7 subatomic particles of all sorts in the visible universe. Clearly, the system ofT-numbers is a powerful method of expressing large numbers. How does it work for the googol? Well, consider the method of converting ordinary exponential numbers into T-numbers and vice versa. T-1 is equal to a trillion, or 1012; T-2 is equal to a trillion trillion or 1024, and so on. Well, then, you need only divide an exponent by 12 to have the numerical portion of aT-number; and you need only multiply the numerical portion of aT-number by 12 to get a ten-based exponent. If a googol is 10100, then divide 100 by 12, and you see at once that it can be expressed as T-8lh. Notice that T-8lh is larger than T-7 and T-7 is in turn far larger than the number of subatomic particles in the known Universe. It would take a billion trillion universes, like our own to contain a googol of subatomic particles. ,

What then is the good of a googol, if it is too large to be useful in counting even the smallest material objects spread through the largest known volume. I could answer: For its own sheer, abstract beauty- But then you would all throw rocks at me. Instead, then, let me say that there are more things to be counted in this universe than ma· terial objects. For instance, consider an ordinary deck of playing cards. In order to play, you shuffie the deck, the cards fall into a certain order and you deal a game. Into how many different orders can the deck be shuf­ fled? (Since it is impossible to have more essentially different game­ situations than there are orders-of-cards in a shuffied deck, this is a question that should interest your friendly neighborhood poker-player.) The answer is easily found (if you know where to look, and I do) and comes out to 80,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, 000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000, or 8 x J067, In T-numbers this is something like T-5%. With an ordinary deck of cards, then, we can count arrangements and reach a value equal to that of the number of subatomic particles in a galaxy, more or less. If, instead of 52 cards, we played with 70 cards (and this is not unreasonable; canasta, I understand, uses 108 cards) then the number of different orders after shuffiing, just tops the googol mark. 50 FAl'TASY AND SCIENCE FICTIO;o.; So when it comes to analyzing card games (let alone chess, econom­ ics and nuclear war) numbers like the googol and beyond are met with. Mathematicians, in fact, are interested in many varieties of num­ bers (with and without practical applications) in which vastnesses far, far beyond the googol, are quickly reached.

Consider Leonardo Fibonacci, for instance, the most accomplished mathematician of the Middle Ages. (He was born in Pisa so he is often called Leonardo of Pisa.) About 1200, when Fibonacci was in his prime, Pisa was a great commercial city, engaged in commerce with the Moors in north Mrica. Leonardo had a chance to visit that region and pick up a Moorish education. The Moslem world had by that time learned of a new system of numeration from the Hindus. Fibonacci picked it up and in a book, Libcr Abaci, published in 1202, introduced these "Arabic numbers" and passed them on to a Europe still suffering under the barbarism of the Homan numerals. (Since Arabic numerals are only about a trillion times as useful as Roman numerals, it took a couple of centuries to convince European merchants to make the change.) In this same book, Fibonacci introduces the following problem: "How many rabbits can be produced from a single pair in a year if every month each pair begets a new pair, which from the second month on become productive, and no deaths occur?" (It is also assume that each pair consists of a male and female and that rabbits have no objec­ tion to incest.) In the first month, we begin with a pair of immature rabbits, and in the second month, we still have one pair, but now they are mature. By the third month, they have produced a new pair, so there are two pairs, one mature, one immature. By the fourth month, the immature pair has become mature and the first pair has produced another ima­ ture pair, so there are three pairs, two mature and one immature. You can go on if you wish, reasoning out how many pairs of rabbits there will be each month, but I will give you the series of numbers right now and save you the trouble. It is: 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, 144/ At the end of the year, you see, there would be 144 pairs of rabbits and that is the answer to Fibonacci's problem. The series of numbers evolved out of the problem· is the "Fibonacci series" and the individual numbers of the series are the "Fibonacci num­ bers." If you look at the series, you will see that each number (from the third member on) is the sum of the two preceding numbers. T-FORMATlO!\ 51 This means we needn't stop the series at the twelfth Fibonacci num­ ber (F,.). We can construct F,. easUy enough by adding Fu and F,.. Since 89 and 144 are 233, that is F,., Adding 144 and 233 gives us 377 or F••. We can continue with F,. equal to 610, F •• equal to 987 and so on for as far as we care to go. Simple arithmetic, nothing more than addition, will give us all the Fibonacci numbers we want. To be sure, the process gets tedious after a while as the Fibonacci numbers stretch into more and more digits and the chances of arith­ metical error increase. One arithmetical error anywhere in the series, if uncorrected, throws off all the later members of the series. But why should anyone want to carry the Fibonacci sequence on and on and on into large numbers? Well, the series has its applications. It is connected with cumulative growth as the rabbit problem shows and, as a matter of fact, the distribution of leaves spirally about a lengthening stem, the scales distributed about a pine-cone, the seeds distributed in the sunflower center, all have an arrangement related to the Fibonacci series. The series is also related to the "golden section" which is important to art and esthetics as well as to mathematics. But beyond all that, there are always people who are fascinated by large numbers. (I can't explain the fascination but believe me it ex­ ists.) And if fascination falls short of working away night after night with pen and ink, it is possible, these days, to program a computer to do the work, and get large numbers that it would be impractical to try to work out in the old-fashioned way. The October, 1962 issue of Recreational Mathematics Magazine"' lists the first 5 71 Fibonacci numbers as worked out on an IBM 7090 computer. The fifty-fifth Fibonacci number passes the trillion mark, so that we can say that F.. is greater than T -1. From that point on, every interval of 55 or so Fibonacci numbers (the interval slowly lengthens) passes another T-number. Indeed F<~~• is larger than a googol. It is equal to almost one and a half googols, in fact. Those multiplying rabbits, in other words, will quickly surpass any conceivable device to encourage their multiplication. They will outrun any food supply that can be dreamed up, any room tPat can be im­ agined. There might be only 144 at the end of a year, but there would be nearly 50,000 at the end of two years, 15,000,000 at the end of three years and so on. In thirty years, there would be more rabbits ---····--- ,.This is a fascinating little periodical which l heartily recommend to any nut congruent to myself. 52 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION than there are sub;ltomic particles in the known universe, ~d in forty years there would be more than a googol of rabbits. To be sure, human beings do not multiply as quickly as Fibonac­ ci's rabbits, and old human beings do die. Nevertheless, the principle remains. What those rabbits can do in a few years, we can do in a few centuries or millennia. Soon enough. Think of that when you tend to minimize the population explosion. For the fun of it, I would like to Write Fm, which is the largest number given in the article. (Just this once, SteJll Editor. There will be larger numbers later and I will not write them out!) Anyway, Fm is: 96041200 6189225538239428833609248650261049174118770678168222 6478902901437830847886419258908418525433163764618300 8074629. This vast number is not quite equal to T-10.

E'or another example of large numbers, consider the primes. These are numbers like 7,641, and 5,237, which can be divided evenly only by themselves and 1. They have no other factors. Well, you might sup­ pose that as one goes higher and higher in the scale of numbers, the primes gradually peter out because there would be more and more small­ er numbers to serve as possible factors. This, however, does not happen, and even the ancient Greeks knew that. Euclid was able to prove quite simply that if all the primes are listed up to a "largest prime", it is always possible to construct a still larger number which is either prime itself or has a prime factor that is larger than the "largest prime." It follows then there is no such thing as a "largest prime" and the number of primes is infinite. Well, even if we can't work out a largest prime, there is an allied problem. What is the largest prime we know! It would be pleasant to pointto a large number and say: This is a prime. There are an infinite number of larger primes, but we don't know which numbers they are. This is the largest number we know to be a prime. Once that is done, you see, then some venturesome amateur mathe­ matician may find a still larger prime. Finding a really large prime is by no means easy. Earlier, for in­ stance, I said that 5,237 is prime. Suppose you doubted that, how would you check me? The only practical way is to try all the prime numbers smaller than the square root of 5,237 and see which, if any, are factors. ThiS is tedious but possible for 5,2 3 7. It is simply imprac­ tical for really large numbers-except for computers. Mathematicians have sought formulas, therefore, that would con­ struct primes. It might not give them every prime in the book, so that T-FORMATION 53 it could not be used to test a given number for prime-hood. However, it could construct primes of any desired size, and after that the task of finding a record-high prime would become trivial and could be aban­ doned. However, such a fonnula has never been found. About 1600, a French friar named Marin Mersenne proposed a fonnula of partial val­ ue which would occasionally, but not always, produce a prime. This fonnula is 2•- 1, where pis itself a prime number. (You understand, I hope that 2• represents a number fanned by multiplying p two's to­ gether, so that 28 is 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 x 2 or 256.) Mersenne maintained that the fonnula would produced primes when p was equal to 2, 3, 5, 7, 13, 17, 19, 31, 67, 127, or 257. This can be tested for the lower numbers easily enough. For instance, if p equals 3, then the fonnula becomes 23 - 1 or 7, which is indeed prime. If p equals 7, then 27 - 1 equals 127, which is prime. You can check the equation for any of the other values of p you care to. The numbers obtained by substituting prime numbers for p in Mer­ senne's equation are called "Mersenne numbers" and if the number happens to be prime it is a "Mersenne prime." They are symbolized by the capital letter M and the value of p. Thus Ma equals 7; M1 equals 12 7 and so on. I don't know what system Mersenne used to decide what primes would yield Mersenne primes in his equation, but whatever it was, it was wrong. The Mersenne numbers M., M., M., M1, M,., M", M,., M., and Mm are indeed primes so that Mersenne had put his finger on no less than nine Mersenne primes. However, M... and M..,, which Mersenne said were primes, proved on painstaking examination to be no primes at all. On the other hand, M.,, M.. and M,..,, which Mer­ senne did not list as primes are primes and this makes a total of 12 Mersenne primes. In recent years, thanks to computer work, eight more Mersenne primes have been located (according to the April 1962 issue of Rec­ reational Mathematics). These are M..,, M... , MlJ'IB, M-, M"""', M..,1, M.... ,andM..... The smallest of these newly:.cliscovered Mersenne primes, M..,, is obtained by working out the fonnula 2521 - 1. You take 521 two's, multiply them together, and subtract one. The result is far, far higher than a googol. In fact, it is higher than T -13. Not to stretch out the suspense, the largest known Mersenne prime, M.. .,, and I believe, the largest prime known at present, has 1,332 54 FA!I.TTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION digits and is therefore just under T-Ill. The googol, in comparison to that, is a trifle so small that there is no reasonable way to describe its smallness.

The Greeks played many games with numbers, and one of them was to add up the factors of particular integers. For instance, the factors of 12 (not counting the number itself) are I, 2, 3, 4, and 6. Each of these numbers, but no others, will go evenly into 12. The sum of these factors is I 6, which is greater than the number 12 itself, so that I 2 is an "abundant number." The factors of 10 on the other hand, are 1, 2, and 5, which yield a sum of B. This is less than the number itself so that 10 is a "deficient number." (All primes are obviously badly deficient.) But consider 6. Its factors are I, 2, and 3 and this adds up to 6. When the factors add up to the number itself, that number is a "perfect num­ ber." Nothing has ever come of the perfect numbers in two thousand years, but the Greeks were fascinated by them, and those of them who were mystically inclined revered them. For instance, it could be argued (once Greek culture had penetrated Judea-Christianity) that God had created the world in six days because six is a perfect number. (Its fac­ tors are the first three numbers, and not only is their sum six, but their product is also six, and God couldn't be expected to resist all that.) I don't know whether the mystics also made a point over the fact that the lunar month is·just a t;rifle over 28 days long, since 28, with fac­ tors of I, 2, 4, 7, and 14 (which add up to 28) is another perfect number. Alas, the days of the lunar month are actually 29lh and the mystics may have been puzzled over this slipshod arrangement on the part of the Creator. But how many of these wonderful perfect numbers are there? Con­ sidering that by the time you reach 28, you have run into two of them, you might think there were many. However, they are rare indeed; far rarer than almost any other well-known kind of number. The third perfect number is 496, and the fourth is 8,128, and throughout an­ cient and medieval times, those were the only perfect numbers known. The fifth perfect number was not discovered until about 1460 (the name of the discoverer is not known) and it fs 33,550,336. In modem times, thanks to the help of the computer, more and more perfect num­ bers have been discovered and the total now is twenty. The twentieth and largest of these is a number with 2,663 digits, and this is almost qual to T-222. T-FORMATION 55 But in a way, I have been unfair to Kasner and Newman. I have said they invented the googol and I then went on to show that it was easy to deal with numbers far higher than the googol. However, I should also add they invented another number, far, far larger than the googol. This second number is the "googolplex" which is defined as equal to 1 o••••••. The exponent, then, is a 1 followed by a hundred zeroes, and I could write that, but I won't. Instead, I'll say that a googolplex can be written as: 1010100 or even 1010102 The googol itself can be written out easily. I did it at the beginning of the article and it only took up a few lines. Even the largest number previously mentioned in this article can be written out with ease. The largest perfect number, if written out in full, would take up only a little more than a page of this magazine. The googolplex, however, cannot be written out-literally cannot. It is a 1 followed by a googol zeros and this magazine will not hold as many as a googol zeros no matter how small, within reason, those zeros are printed. In fact, you could not write the number on the entire sur­ face of the earth, if you made each zero no larger than an atom. In fact, if you represented each zero by a nucleon, there wouldn't be enough nucleons in the entire known universe or in a trillion like it to supply you with sufficient zeroes. You can see then that the googolplex is incomparably, incompar­ ably larger than anything I have yet dealt with. -And yet I can repre­ sent it in T -numbers without much trouble. Consider! The T-numbers go up through the digits, T-1, T-2, T-3 and so on and eventually reach T-1,000,000,000,000. (This is anum­ ber equivalent to saying "a trillion trillion trillion trillion . . ." and continuing until you have repeated the word, trillion, a trillion times. It will take you umpty-ump lifetimes to do it, but the principle re­ mains.) Since we have decided to let a trillion be written as T-1, the numberT-1,000,000,000,000 can be written T-(T-1 ). Remember that we must multiply the numerical part of the T -number by 12 to get a ten-bassed exponent. Therefore T-(T-1) is equal to 1 012,ooo,ooo,ooo,ooo, which is a little higher than 101013. In the same way, we can calculate that T-(T-2) is more than 101()25. and if we continue we finally .find that T-(T-8) is nearly a googolplex. As for T-(T-9) that is far larger than a googolplex; in fact, it is rather larger than a billion googolplex~s. One more item and I am through. In a book called The Lore of Large Numbers by Philip J. Davis, a 56 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION number called "Skewes' number" is given. Who (or what) Skewes may be, my library does not tell me. However, the number is described as "reputed to be the largest number that has occurred in a mathematical proof." It is given as: 10101034

Since the googolplex is only 1010102. Skewes' number is incomparably the greater of the two? And how can Skewes number be put into T -formation? Well, at this point, even I rebel. I'm not going to do it. I will leave it to you, oh, Gentle Reader, and I will tell you this much as a hint. It seems to me to be obviously greater than T-[T­ (T-1)]. From there on in, the track is yours and the road to madness is un­ obstructed. Full speed ahead, all of you. As for me, I shall hang back and stay sane; or, at least, as sane as I ever am, which isn't much.

Ubi Sunt?

From the Washington Post, Feb. 2 7, 1963: "Mariner II has found that the planet Venus has a life-depriving surface temperature of 800 degrees Fahrenheit. and is covered by cold dense clouds in the planet's upper atmosphere."

Gone, gone the webfoot people in the fen, And rain that bleached the air all days but one, And traders cheating great-eyed, scaleskin men. Fled are the folk who dreamed an unseen sun Deduced and deified from a lonely lamp; · Men driven forth by Bopping alien things, Dined on by sentient creepers in the swamp. Gone, gone blondes lost in Bogs Where Something Sings And saved at last by tall men in puttees, And gone the naked dancers, proud, blue-skinned; And gone the tideless, phosphorescent seas, Waveless and still, forsaken of the wind. And, when the Russian rocket reaches Mars, Will Bradbury be exiled to the stars?

-R. H. and KATHLEEN P. REIS GLORY ROAD by Robert A. Heinlein

(Second of three parts)

SYNOPSIS: My name's Oscar Gor· lucky fluke would win me enough don and I'm a soldier by trade. Both Sweepstake's money to let me stay the name and the trade were forced and go to school in-Europe. on me. This is a pretty loused-up That's when I met this Helen of world, in my opinion, and I know of Troy beauty! a better one. I am so dazzled by her that I don't I was taking it easy at a French even ask her her name-but she nudist resort, L'Ile du Levant, when quizzed me a lot. Then she swam I met this incredible babe, the most away and I lost her. beautiful woman I have ever seen The next day I searched the island or hope to see- for her-no luck. But the Paris edi- You see, I had just been paid off tion of the New York Herald Tribune by the Army, having been drafted listed one of my tickets as having into it by a mistake-mine. I had drawn a horse-thousands of dollars been beating the draft as a semi-pro if I grab it at once. So I must go to athlete in college when suddenly Nice to take care of it, much as I football was de-emphasized and I want to stay and look for her. lost a pension as "a dependent of de- My Sweepstake's ticket turns out ceased veteran" by turning twenty- to be counterfeit. one. Broke, I notified my draft board, I was about to go back to L'Ile du intending to buck for the Air Force Levant when my attention was forced Academy. on a personal ad: "ARE YOU A So I wound up as a private in COWARD? We badly need a brave Southeast Asia. After much too long man-high pay, glorious adventure, a time I was wounded badly enough great danger-" with an exact de­ to be sent home for discharge, at scription of me (save for the minor Wiesbaden, because my stepfather point that I was born with an exact and my mother were there. On the sense of direction). So some idiot is way, by military transport via Suez, playing games!-so I go to the ad­ I bought an Irish Sweepstake's ticket, dress in the ad to see what the joke is. then won several more of them at There I met a little, old, pink poker. But when I got to Germany gnome of a man who turned me over my family had been sent to Alaska. to a "doctor"-who turned out to be So I was killing a little time as a my Helen-of-Troy girl. civilian while waiting to see if a She gave me a physical examina- © 1963 by RobertA. Heinlei11 58 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICfiON tion, changed my name. to "Oscar" The next morning we left there in and let me call her "Star" -and hyp­ a great hurry with Star in a terrible notised me and took me • • • some­ rage. I had a bad hangover and no where. breakfast. Since Star wasn't speak­ I don't care where, it is a wonder­ ing, I told Rufo about "The Three ful world-beautiful, uncrowded, no Bares" who tried to climb into my taxicabs. I've got a job as her "champ­ bed. Instead of laughing he was ter· ion," complete with sword and bow, rifled-and galloped away to tell and the old gnome, Rufo, is my Star. groom. They can take their traffic When Star learned what had hap­ lights and withholding taxes and stuff pened, her anger up to that time was it! mere pique; she started in to give me My first job is to kill an unkillable the worst tongue lashing I have ever giant ogre, Igli. This I did by feeding had. But I chopped her off short and him to himself, feet first, until he blasted her ears back. was gone. After that we descended We then all turned back to return a great cliff into the valley of Nevia, to the House of the Doral. fought our way through the Homed Rufo was extremely frightened Ghosts and the Coldwater Gang, and told me why. I had scorned the lost all of our baggage and most of Doral's hospitality after having for­ our weapons in a swamp, and at last mally accepted it-so the Doral is reached the country manor of the now honorbound to kill all of us. local squire, Milord Doral 't Giuk Star explained this in more detail Dorali. Old Jocko was so impressed -and in the course of it we each ad­ by my wondrous exploits that he of­ mitted our love for the other. I agreed fered me "Table, and Roof, and Bed." to try to repair the wrong I had done I accepted, not quit.e sure what he the Doral. Star thought that it was meant. just barely possible, if she could get After a magnificent drunken feast in a word or two first, that she might Mrs. Jocko and two of her daughters be able to persuade him to spare our escorted me to bed-and were about lives. to climb in with me. With as much I kissed her and then, swords drunken courtesy as I could manage, sheathed and bows unstrung, we rode I told 'em, "No, thanks." proudly into the target area.

X This time Rufo reeled to his THREE , DAYS LATER WE RODE mount, each arm around a wench, out again. a bottle in each hand, then, after This time breakfast was sump­ busses from a dozen more, was tuous. This time musicians lined lifted into his seat and belted in our exit. This time the Doral rode the reclining position. He fell with us. asleep, snoring before we set out. GLORY ROAD 59 I was kissed goodbye more So I had to come up with an times than I could count and by encore. I gave them "Reilly's some who had no reason to do it so Daughter," then "Jabberwocky," thoroughly-for I was only an ap­ with gestures. prentice hero, still learning the Star had interpreted me in spir­ trade. it; she had said what I would have It's not a bad trade, despite long · said had I been capable of extem­ hours, occupational hazards, and porizing poetry. Late on the sec­ utter lack of security; it has fringe ond day I had chanced on Star in benefits, with many openings and the steam room of the manor's rapid advancement for a man with baths. For an hour we lay wrapped push and willingness to learn. The in sheets on adjacent slabs, sweat­ Doral seemed pleased with me. ing it out and restoring the tissues. At breakfast he had sung my Presently I blurted out to her ho}V prowess up to date in a thousand surprised-and delighted-! was. intricate lines. But I was sober I did it sheepishly but Star was and did not let his .praises impress one to whom I dared bare my soul. me with my o~ greatness; I knew She had listened gravely. When better. Obviously a little bird had I ran down, she said quietly, "My reported to him regularly-but Hero, as you know, I do not know that bird was a liar. John Henry America. But &om what Rufo tells the Steei-Drivin' Man couldn't me your culture is unique, among have done what Jocko's ode said I all the Universes.'' did. "Well, I realize that the U.S.A. But I took it with my heroic is not sophisticated in such things, features noble and impassive, then not the way France is." I stood up and gave them "Casey "'France!'" She shrugged, beau­ at the Bat," putting heart and soul tifully. "'Latins are lousy lovers.' into "Mighty Casey has struck I heard that somewhere, I testify OUTI" that it is true. Oscar, so far as I Star gave it a &ee interpreta­ know, your culture is the only tion. I had (so she sang) praised semi-civilized one in which love the ladies of Doral, the ideas be­ is not recognized as the highest ing ones associated with Madame art and given the serious study it Pompadour, Nell Gwyn, Theo­ deserves." dora, Ninon de I'Enclos, and "You mean the way they treat it Rangy Lil. She didn't name these here. Whew! 'Much too good for famous ladies; instead she was the common people!' " specific, in Nevian eulogy that "No, I do not mean the way it would have startled Fran~ois Vii­ is treated here." She spoke in Eng­ Ion. lish. "Much as I love our friends FANTASY A!I:D SCIENCE FICTI0:-.1 here, this is a barbarous culture I looked at her and het mouth and their arts are barbaric. Oh, twitched. She caught my eye and good art of its sort, very good; their said demurely, "Good morning, approach is honest. But-if we milord." live through this, after our trou­ "Good morning, milady. You bles are over-I want you to travel slept well?" among the Universes. You'll see "Very well, milord. And you?" what I mean." She got up, folding "The same, thank you." her sheet into a toga. "I'm glad you "So? 'What was the strange are pleased, my Hero." thing the dog did in the night?' " I lay there a while longer, think­ " 'The dog did nothing in the ing about what she had said. night, that was the strange thing,' " The "highest art" -and back horne I answered with a straight face. we didn't even study it, much less "Really? So gay a dog? Then make any attempt to teach it. Bal­ who was that knight I last saw let takes years and years. Nor do with a lady?" they hire you to sing at the Met "'Twasn't night, 'twas brillig." just because you have a loud voice. "And your vorpal blade went Why should "love" be classed snicker-snack! My bcarnish boy!" as an "instinct"? "Don't try to pin your jabbcr­ Certainly, the appetite for sex wocking on me, you frolicsome is an instinct-but did another wench," I said severely. "I've got appetite make every glutton a friends, I have-I can prove an gourmet, every fry cook a Cordon alibi. Besides, 'my strength is as Bleu? the strength of ten because my I walked out of the steam room heart is pure.' " whistling "The Best Things in Life "And the line before that one. Are Free" -then chopped it off in Yes, I know; your friends told me sudden sorrow for all my poor, un­ about it, milord." Suddenly she happy compatriots cheated of their grinned and slapped me on the birthright by i:he most mammoth thigh and started bellowing the hoax in history. chorus of "Reilly's Daughter.'' Vita Brevis snorted; Ars Longa A mile out the Doral bade us pricked up her ears and looked goodbye, embracing me, kissing around reprovingly. Star and mussing her hair; then he "Stop it," I said. ''You're shock­ and his escort drew swords and re­ ing the horses.'' mained at salute until we passed "They aren't horses and you over the next rise. Star and I rode can't shock them. Have you seen knee to knee while Rufo snored how they do it, milord? In spite of behind us. all those legs? First-" GLORY ROAD 61 "Hold your tongue! Ars Longa is because she talked about them, re­ a lady, even if you aren't." peating herself and exaggerating. "I warned you I was a bitch. I quit going to see her." First she sidles up-" "Well. Did she dust them?" "I've seen it. Muri thought it "Oh, yes. She was a fussy house­ would amuse me. Instead it gave keeper." me an inferiority complex that "Uh- How many were there?" lasted all afternoon." "Seven or eight, I never count­ "I venture to disbelieve that it ed." was all afternoon, milord Hero. "I see. Star? Is there black wid­ Let's sing about Reilly then. You ow blood in your family?" lead, I'll harmonize." "What? Ohl But, darling, .there "Well- Not too loud, we'll is black widow blood , in every wake Rufo." woman." She dimpled, reached "Not him, he's embalmed." over and patted my knee. "But "Then you'll wake me, which is Auntie didn't kill them. Believe worse. Star darling, when and me, my Hero, the women in my where was Rufo an undertaker? family are much too fond of men And how did he get from that into to waste them. No, Auntie just this business? Did they run him hated to let them go. I think that out of town?" is foolish. Look forward not back." She looked puzzled. "Undertak­ "And let the dead past bury its er? Rufo? Not Rufo." dead.' Look, if your people keep "He was most circumstantial." dead bodies around the house, you "So? Milord, Rufo has many must have undertakers. Embalmers faults. But telling the truth is not at least. Or doesn't the air get one of them. Moreover, our people thick?" do not have undertakers." "Embalming? Oh, no! Just place "You don't? Then what do you a stasis on them once you're sure do with leftover carcasses? Can't they are dead. Or dying. Any leave them cluttering the parlor. school boy can do that." She Untidy." added, "Perhaps I wronged Rufo. "I think so, too, but our people He has spent much time on your do just that: keep them in the par­ Earth-he likes the place, it fasci­ lor. For a few years at least. An nates him-and he may have overly sentimental custom but we tried . undertaking. But seems to are a sentimental people. Even so, me an occupation too honest and it can be overdone. One of my straightforward to attract him." great aunts kept all her former "You never did tell me what husbands in her bed chamber-a your people eventually do with a dreadful clutter and boring, too, cadaver." 62 FANTASY AND SCIEJSCE FICTION "Not bury it. That would shock "And you call this 'mathemat- them silly." Star shivered. "Even ics'?" myself, and I've traveled the Uni­ "How else?" verses, learned to be indifferent to "I'd call it magic.'' almost any custom." "Yes, surely. As I told Jacko, "But what?" you have a natural genius. You "Much what you did to Igli. could be a great warlock.'' Apply a geometrical option and I shrugged uncomfortably. "I get rid of it." don't believe in magic.'' "Oh. Star, where did Igli go?" "Nor do 1," she answered, "the "I couldn't guess, milord. I had way you put it. I believe in what no chance to calculate it. Perhaps is." - the ones who made him know. But ''That's what I mean, Star. I I think they were even more taken don't believe in hocus-pocus. What by surprise than I was." happened to lgli-1 mean, 'what "I guess I'm dense, Star. You appeared to happen to lgli'­ call it geometry; Jocko referred to could not have happened because me as a 'mathematician.' But I did it would violate the law of con­ what was forced on me by circum­ servation of mass-energy. There stances; I didn't understand it.'' must be some other explanation.'' "Forced on lgli, you should say, She was politely silent. milord Hero. What happens when So I brought to bear the sturdy you place an insupportable strain common sense of ignorance and on a mass, such that it cannot re­ prejudice. "Look, Star, I'm not go­ main where it is? Wliile leaving it ing to believe the impossible sim­ nowhere to go? This is a school­ ply because I was there. A natural boy problem in metaphysical ge­ law is a natural law. You have to ometry and the oldest proto-para­ admit that.'' dox, the one about the irresistible We rode a few rods before she force and the immovable body. answered, "May it please milord The mass implodes. It is squeezed Hero, the world is not what we out of its own world into some oth­ wish it to be. It is what it is. No, er. This is often the way the people I have over-assumed. Perhaps it is of a universe discover the Uni­ indeed what we wish it to be. verses-but usually as disastrously Either way, it is that it is. Le as you forced it on lgli; it may take voiltll Behold it, self demonstrat­ millenia before they control it. It ing. Das Ding an sich. Bite it. It is. may hover around the fringes as Ai-je raison? Do I speak truly?" 'magic' for a long time, sometimes "That's what I was saying! The working, sometimes failing, some­ universe is what it is and can't be times backfiring on the magician.'' changed by jiggery-pokery. It GLORY ROAD 63 works by exact rules, like a ma­ I've never been so flabbergasted chine." (I hesitated, remembering since the time the preacher's a car we had had that was a hypo­ daughter took me up into the stee­ chondriac. It would "fall sick", ple to show me the Holy Ghost." I then "get well" as soon as a me­ chuckled sheepishly. "I'd be blush­ chanic tried to touch it.) I went ing yet but I've burned out my on firmly, "Natural law never fuses." takes a holiday. The invariability "Yet the basic difference be­ of natural law is the cornerstone tween Nevian customs and yours of science." lies in only one postulate. Milord, "So it is." there are worlds in which males "Well?" I demanded. kill females as soon as eggs are "So much the worse for science!' laid-and others in which fe­ "But-" I shut up and rode in males eat males even as they are huffy silence. · being fructified-like that black Presently a slender hand widow you made cousin to me." touched my forearm, caressed it. "I didn't mean that, Star." "Such a strong sword arm," she "I was not offended, my love. said softly. "Milord Hero, may I An insult is like a drink; it af­ explain?" fects one only if accepted. And "Talk ahead," I said. "If you pride is too heavy baggage for my can sell me, you can convert the journey; I have none. Oscar, Pope to Mormonism. I'm stub­ would you find such worlds stran­ born." ger than this one?" 'Would I have picked you out "You're talking about spiders or of hundreds of billions to be my some such. Not people." champion were you not?" "I speak of people, the domi­ "'Hundreds of billions?' You nant race of each its world. Highly mean millions, don't you?" civilized." "Hear me, milord. Indulge me. "Ugh!" Let us be Socratic. I'll frame the "You will not say 'ugh' when trick questions and you make the , you see them. They are so different stupid answers-and we'll learn from us that their home life can­ who shaved the barber. Then it not matter to us. Contrariwise, will be your turn and I'll be the this planet is very like your Earth silly stooge. Okay?" -yet your customs would shock "All right, put a nickel in.' old Jacko out of song. Darling, "Very well. Question: Are the your world has a custom unique in customs at house Doral the cus­ the Universes. That is, the Twenty toms you used at home?" Universes known to me, out of 'What? You know they aren't. thousands or millions or googols 64 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION of universes. In the known Twen­ "I did not mean to offend, Os­ ty Universes only Earth has this car; I was reciting facts. But this astounding custom." oddity of Earth is not odd in its "Do you mean 'War'?" own context. Any commodity is "Oh, no! Most worlds have war­ certain to be sold-bought, sold, fare. This planet Nevia is one of leased, rented, bartered, traded, the few where killing is retail, discounted, price-stabilized, in­ rather than wholesale. Here there flated, bootlegged, and legislated be Heroes, killing is done with -and a woman's 'commodity' as passion. This is a world of love it was called on Earth in franker and slaughter, both with gay days is no exception. Th~ only abandon. No, I mean something wonder is the wild notion of more shocking. Can you guess?" thinking of it as a commodity. "Uh . . . television commer- Why, it so surprised me that once cials?" I even- Never mind. Anything "Close in spirit, but wide of the can be made a commodity. Some­ mark. You have an expression 'the day I will show you cultures liv­ oldest profession.' Here-and in ing in spaces, not on planets­ all other known worlds-it isn't nor on fundaments of any sort; even the youngest. Nobody has not all universes have planets­ heard of it and wouldn't believe it cultures where the breath of life if he did. We few who visit Earth is sold like a kilo of butter in Prov­ don't talk abou·t it. Not that it ence. Other places so crowded would matter; most people don't that the privilege of staying alive believe travelers' tales." is subject to tax-and delin­ "Star, are you telling me that quents are killed out of hand by there is no prostitution elsewhere the Department of Eternal Reve­ in the universe?" nue and neighbors not only do not "The Universes, my darling. interfere, they are pleased." None." "Good God! Why?" "You know," I said thoughtful­ "They solved death, milord, and ly, "that's going to be a shock to most of them won't emigrate de­ my first sergeant. None at all?" spite endless roomier planets. But "I mean," she said bluntly, "that we were speaking of Earth. Not whoring seems to have been in­ only is whoring unknown else­ vented by Earth people and no where, but its permutations are others-and the idea would shock unknown-dower, bridal price, old Jocko into impotence. He's a alimony, separate maintenance, all straitlaced moralist.'' the variations that color all "I'll be damned! We must be a Earth's institutions-every custom bunch of slobs." related even remotely to the in- GLORY ROAD 65 credible notion that what all wom­ see how Earth could ever get rid en have an endless supply of is of whoring; it's too much a part nevertheless merchandise, to be of everything you do." hoarded and auctioned." "Star, you've got your facts Ars Longa gave a snort of dis­ wrong. There is almost no prosti­ gust. No, I don't think she under­ tution in America." stood. She understands some Ne­ She looked startled. "Really? vian but Star spoke English; Ne­ But- Isn't 'alimony' an American vian lacks the vocabulary. word? And 'gold digger'? And "Even your secondary customs," 'coming-out party'?" she went on, "are shaped by this "Yes, but prostitution has al­ unique institution. Clothing­ most died out. Hell, I wouldn't you've noticed that there is no real know how to go about finding a difference here in how the two whorehouse even in an Army sexes dress. I'm in tights this town. I'm not saying that you don't morning and you are in shorts but wind up in the hay. But it's not had it been the other way around commercialized. Star, even with no one would have noticed." an American girl who is well­ "The hell they wouldn't! Your known to be an easy make-out, if tights wouldn't fit me." you offered her five bucks-or "They stretch. And body shy­ twenty-it's ten to one she would ness, which is an aspect of sex­ slap your face." specialized clothing. Here naked­ 'Then how is it done'?" ness is as unnoteworthy as on that "You're nice to her instead. pretty little island where I found Take her to dinner, maybe to a you. All hairless peoples some­ show. Buy her flowers, girls are times wear clothing and all peo­ suckers for flowers. Then approach ples no matter how hirsute wear the subject politely." ornaments-but nakedness taboo "Oscar, doesn't this dinner and is found only where flesh is mer­ show, and possibly flowers, cost chandise to be packaged or dis­ more than five dollars? Or even played ... that is to say, on Earth. twenty? I understood that Ameri­ It parallels 'Don't pinch the can prices were as high as French grapefruit' and putting false ·bot­ prices." toms in berry boxes. If something "Well, yes, but you can't just is never haggled over, there is no tip your hat and expect a girl to need to make a mystery of it." throw herself on her back." "So if we get rid of clothes we "I rest the case. All I was trying get rid of prostitution?" to show was that customs can be "Heavens, no! You've got it wildly different in different backwards." She frowned. "I don't worlds." 66 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "That's true, even on Earth. of Johnny-Come-Latelies. A hun­ But-" dred and six or seven." "Please, milord. I won't argue "Much the same here. Never­ the virtue of American women, theless a chemist from Earth nor was I criticizing. Had I been would suffer some shocks. The ele­ reared in America I think I would ments aren't quite the same, nor want at least an emerald bracelet do they behave quite the same way. rather than dinner and a show. H-bombs won't work here and dy­ But I was leading up to the sub­ namite won't explode." ject of 'natural law.' Is it not the I said sharply, "Now wait! Are im·ariability of natural law an you telling me that electrons and unproved assumption? Even on protons aren't the same here, to Earth?" get down to basics?" "Well- You haven't stated it She shrugged. "Perhaps, per­ fairly. It's an assumption, I sup­ haps not. What is an electron but pose. But there has never been a a mathematical concept? Have you case in which it failed to stand tasted one lately? Or put salt on up." the tail of a wavicle? Does it "No black swans? Could it not matter?" be that an observer who saw an "It damn' well would matter. A exception preferred not to believe man can starve as dead from lack his eyes? Just as you do not want of trace elements as from lack of to believe that .Ygli ate himself bread.'' even though you, my Hero, forced "True. In some universes we him to? Never mind. Let's leave humans must carry food if we visit Socrates to his Xanthippe. Natu­ them-which we sometimes must, ral law may be invariable through­ if only to change trains. But here, out a universe-and seems to be, and in each of the universes and in rigid universes. But it is cer­ countless planets where we hu­ tain that natural laws vary from mans live, you need not worry; lo­ universe to universe-and believe cal food will nourish· you. Of this you must, milord, else neither course, if you lived here . many of us will live long!" years, then went back to Earth and I considered it. Damn it, where died soon after and an autopsy had lgli gone? "Most unsettling." were done with fussiest micro­ "No more unsettling, once you analysis, the analyst might not get used to it, than shifting lan­ believe his results. But your stom­ guages and customs as you shift ach wouldn't care.'' countries. How many chemical I thought about this, my belly elements are there on Earth?" stuffed with wonderful food and "Uh, ninety-two and a bunch the air around me sweet and good GLORY ROAD 67 -certainly my body did not care you wish, milord. In a less person­ if there were indeed the differ­ al vein the fact of crossbreeding ences Star spoke of. among humans of different uni­ Then I recalled one aspect of verses-and some animals such life in which little differences as dogs and cats-is a most inter­ cause big differences. I asked ::;tar esting question. The only certain­ about it. ty is that human beings flourish She · looked blandly innocent. only in those universes having "Do you care, milord? You will be chemistries so similar that ele­ long gone before it matters to ments that make up deoxyribo­ Doral. I thought your purpose nucleic acids are so alike as not to these three days was simply to matter. As for the rest, every help me in my problem? With scholar has his theory. Some hold pleasure in your work, I realize­ to a teleologic explanation, as­ you threw yourself into the spirit serting that Man evolves alike in of the occasion." all essential particulars in every "Damn it, quit pulling my leg! universe that can support him be­ I did it to help you. But a man cause of Divine Plan-or through can't help wondering." blind necessity, depending on She slapped my thigh and whether the scholar takes his re­ laughed. "Oh, my very darling! ligion straight or chases it with Stop wondering; human races soda. throughout the Universes can "Some think that we evolved crossbreed. Some crosses fruit but just once-or were created, as seldom and some mule out. But may be-and ·leaked across into this is not one of them. You will other universes. Then they fight live on here, even if you never re­ over which universe was the home turn. You're not sterile; that was of the race." one of many things I checked "How can there be any argu­ when I examined your beautiful ment?" I objected. "Earth has fos­ body in Nice. One js never sure sil evidence covering the evolu­ how the dice will roll, but-I tion of man. Other planets either think the Doral will not be disap­ have it or not, and that should set­ pointed." tle it." She leaned toward me. "Would "Are you sure, milord? I thought you give your physician data more that, on Earth, man's family tree accurate than that which Jocko has as many dotted lines as there sang? I might offer a statistical are bastards in European royal probability. Or even a Sight." lines." "No, I would not! Nosy." I shut up, I had simply read "It is a long nose, isn't it? As some popular books. Perhaps she 68 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION was right; a race that could not their way· home. My people use agree as to who did what to whom space travel very little, as faster­ in a war only twenty years back than-light is the readiest way to probably didn't know what Alley I- •e yourself among the universes. Oop did to the upstairs maid a \\ ~ prefer the safer method of million years ago, when the evi­ metaphysical geometries-or 'mag­ dence was only scattered bones. ic' in the vulgar speech." Hadn't there been hoaxes? The Star looked thoughtful. "Mi­ Piltdown Man, or some such? lord, your Earth may be the home Star went on, "Whatever the of mankind. Some scholars think truth, there are leakages between so." worlds. On your own planet dis­ "Why?" appearances run to hundreds of "It touches so many other thousands and not all are abscond­ worlds. It's the top of the list as a ers or wife-deserters; see any po­ transfer point. If its people ren­ lice department's files. One usual der it unfit for life-unlikely, but place is the battle field. The strain possible-it will disrupt traffic of becomes too ·great and a man a dozen Universes. Earth has had slides through a hole he didn't its fairy rings, and Gates, and know was there and winds up Bifrost Bridges for ages; that one 'missing in action.' Sometimes­ we used in Nice was there before not often-a man is seen to dis­ the Romans came." appear. One of your American "Star, how can you talk about writers, Bierce or Pierce, got inter­ points on Earth 'touching' other ested and collected such cases. He planets-for centuries on end? collected so many tliat he was col­ The Earth moves around the Sun lected, too. And your Earth ex­ at twenty miles a second or such, periences reverse leakage, the and spins on its axis, not to men­ 'Kaspar Hausers,' persons from no­ tion other motions that add up to where, speaking no known lan­ an involved curve at unthinkable guage, and never able to account speed. So how can it 'touch' other for themselves." worlds?" "Wait a minute? Why just Again we rode in silence. At people?" last Star said, "My Hero, how long "I didn't say 'just people.' Have did it take you to learn calculus?" you never heard of rains of frogs? 'Why, I haven't learned it. I've Of stones? Of blood? Who ques­ studied it a couple of years." tions a stray eat's origin? Are all "Can you tell me how a particle flying saucers optical illusions? I can be a wave?" promise you they are not; some are "What?- Star, that's quantum poor lost astronauts trying to find mechanics, not calculus. I could GLORY ROAD 69 give an explanation but it would· fore cock crow.'' She shuddered. n't mean anything; I don't have "Sin at its nastiest. If we catch the math. An engineer doesn't them, we kill them. I've caught a need it." few, I killed them. Sin at its "It would be simplest," she said worst, even if the victim learns diffidently, "to answer your ques­ to like it.'' She shuddered again. tion by saying 'Magic' just as you "Star, what is your definition of answered mine with 'quantum 'sin'?" mechanics.' But you don't like that "Can there be more than one? word, so all I can say is that after Sin is cruelty and injustice, all you study higher geometries, meta­ else is peccadillo. Oh, a sense of physical and conjectural as well sin comes from violating the cus­ as topological and judicial-if toms of your tribe. But breaking you care to make such study-1 custom is not sin even when it will gladly answer. But you won't feels so; sin is wronging another need to ask.'' person." (Ever been told: "Wait till you "How about 'sinning against grow up, dear; then you will un· God'?" I persisted. derstand"? As a kid I didn't like it She looked at me sharply. "So from grownups; I liked it still less again we shave the barber? First, from a girl I was in love with milord, tell me what you mean by when I was fully grown.) 'God.'" Star didn't let me sulk; she "I just wanted to see if you shifted the talk. "Some crossbreed­ would walk into it.'' ings are neither from accidental "I haven't walked into that one slippages nor planned travel. in a mort of years. I'd as lief thrust You've heard of incubi and suc­ with a bent wrist, or walk a pen­ cubi?" tacle in clothes. Speaking of pen­ "Oh, sure. But I never bother tacles, my Hero, our .destination is my head with myths." not what it was three days ago. "Not myths, darling, no matter Now we go to a Gate I had not ex­ how often the legend has been pected to use. More dangerous but used to explain embarrassing situ· it can't be helped." ations. Witches and warlocks are "My fault! I'm sorry, Star." not always saints and some ac­ "My fault, milord. But not all quire a taste for rape. A person loss. When we lost our luggage I who has learned to open Gates can was more worried than I dared indulge such vice; he-or she­ show-even though I was never can sneak up on a sleeping person easy about carrying fiream1s -maid, chaste wife, virgin boy­ through a world where they may work his will and be long gone be- not be used. But our foldbox car- 70 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION ried much more than firearms, "But you know that I don't things we are vulnerable without. know what questions to ask. May­ The time you spent in soothing be a carrier pigeon doesn't need to the hurt to the Doral's ladies I know what the war is about -but spent-in part-in wheedling the I feel like a sparrow in a badmin­ Doral for a new kit, almost every­ ten game. So start from the begin­ thing heart could wish but fire­ Ding." arms. Not all loss." "As you say, milord. About sev­ "We are going to another world en thousand years ago-" Star now?" stopped. "Oscar, do you want to "Not later than tomorrow dawn, know-now-all the interplay of if we live." politics of a myriad worlds and "Damn it, Star, both you and twenty universes over millenia in Rufo talk as if each breath might arriving at the present crisis? I'll be our last." try if you say, but just to outline "As it might be." it would take more time than re­ "You're not expecting an am­ mains until we must pass through bush now; we're still on Doral that Gate. You are my true cham­ land. But Rufo is as full of dire piong my life hangs on your cour­ forebodings as a cheap melodrama. age and skill. Do you want the And you are almost as bad." politics behind my present help­ "I'm sorry. Rufo does fret-but less, almost hopeless predicament he is a good man at your back -save for you! Or shall I concen­ when trouble starts. As for me, I trate on the tactical situation?" have been trying to~ fair, milord, (Damn itl I did want the to let you know what to expect." whole story.) "Let's stick to the "Instead you confuse me. Don't tactical situation. For now." you think it's time you put your "I promise," she said solemnly, cards face up?" "that if we live through it, you She looked troubled. "And if the shall have every detail. The situa­ Hanging Man is the first card tion is this: I had intended us to turned?" ~ross Nevia by barge, then through "I don't give a hoot! I can face the mountains to reach a Gate be­ trouble without fainting-" yond the Eternal Peaks. That "I know you can, my cham­ route is less risky but long. pion." 'But now we must hurry. We "Thanks. -but not knowing will tum off the road late this makes me edgy. So talk." afternoon and pass through some "I will answer any question, wild country, and country still milord Oscar. I have always been worse after dark. The Gate there willing to." we must reach before dawn; with GLORY ROAD 71 luck we may sleep. I hope so, be­ what larger than an ostrich egg and cause this Gate takes us to another black. If I do not capture it, many world at a much more dangerous bad things will happen. Among exit. them is a small one: I will die. I "Once there, in that world­ mention that because it may not Hokesh it is called, or Karth-in seem small to you-my darling!­ Karth-Hokesh we shall be close, and it is easier to tell you that one too close, to a tall tower, mile truth than it is to explain the is­ high, and, if we win to it, our sues." troubles start. In it is the Never­ "Okay. We steal the Egg. Then Born, the Eater of Souls-" what?" "Star, are you trying to scare "Then we go home. To my me?" home. After which you may return "I would rather you were fright­ to yours. Or remain in mine. Or ened now, if such is possible, than go where you wish, through Twen­ have you surprised later. My ty Universes and myriad worlds. thought, milord, had been to ad­ Under any choice, whatever treas­ vise you of each danger as we ure you fancy is yours; you will reached it, so that you could con­ have earned it and more . . . as centrate on one at a time. But you well as my heartful thanks, milord overruled me." Hero, and anything you ask of "Maybe you were right. Suppose Ine." . you give me details on each as we (The biggest blank check ever come to it, just the outline now. written- If I could cash it.) So I'm to fight the Eater of Souls, "Star, you don't seem to think we am I? The name doesn't scare me; will live through it." if he tries to eat my soul, he'll She took a deep breath. "Not throw up. What do I fight him likely, milord. I tell you truth. My with? Spit?" blunder has forced on us a most "That is one way,'' she said seri­ desperate alternative." ously, "but, with luck, we won't "I see. Star, will you marry me? fight him-it-at all. We want Today?'' what it guards." Then I said, "Easy there! Don't "And what is that?" ' falll" She hadn't been in danger "The Egg of the Phoenix." of falling; the seat belt held her. "The Phoenix doesn't lay eggs." But she s~gged against it. I leaned "I know, milord. That makes it over and put my arm around her uniquely valuable." shoulders. "Nothing to cry about. "But-" Just give me a Yes or a No-and I She hurried on. "That is its fight for you anyway. Oh, I forgot. name. It is a small object, some- I love you. Anyhow I think it's 72 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION love. A funny, fluttery feeling "Please, milord love," she in­ whenever I look at you or think sisted. "I mean it. There's a grassy about you-which is mosdy.'' bit on your side of the road, just "I love you, milord," she said ahead. You can lead me to it this huskily. "I have loved you since I moment and willingly I will go.'' first saw you. Yes, a 'funny, flut­ I sat high and pretended to tery feeling' as if everything in­ peer. "Looks like crab grass. side me were about to melt down.'' Scratchy.'' "Well, not quite that," I ad­ "Then p- p- pick your own mitted. "But it's probably opposite grass! Milord ... I am willing, polarity for the same thing. Flut­ and eager, and not uncomely­ tery, anyhow. Chills and light­ but you will learn that I am a Sun­ nings. How do we get married day painter compared with artists around here?" you will someday meet. I am a "But, milord-my love-you working woman. I haven't been always astound me. I knew you free to give the matter the dedi­ loved me. I hoped that you would cated study it deserves. Believe tell me before-well, in time. Let mel No, try me. You can't know me hear it once. I did not expect that you want to marry me." you to offer to marry mel" "So you're a cold and clumsy "Why not? I'm a man, you're a wench, eh?" woman. It's customary." 'Well . . • I didn't say that. "But-oh, my love, I told you! I'm not entirely unskilled-and I It isn't necessary to marry me. By do have enthusiasm." your rules ... I'm a bitch." "Yes, like your auntie with the "Bitch, witch, Sing Along with · your family, so you said. Let it Mitch I What the hell, honey? stand that I want to marry you in That was your word, not mine. spite of your obvious faults." You have about convinced me that "But-" the rules I was taught are bar­ "Star, you talk too much.'' barous and yours are the straight ''Yes, milord," she said meekly. goods. Better blow your nose­ 'We're getting married. How do here, want my hanky?" we do it? Is the local lord also jus­ Star wiped her eyes and blew tice of the peace? If he is, there her nose but instead of· the yes­ will be no droit du seigneur; we darling I wanted to hear she sat haven't time for frivolities." up straight and did not smile. She "Each squire is the local jus­ said formally, "Milord Hero, had tice," Star agreed thoughtfully, you not best sample the wine be­ "and does perform marriages, al­ fore you buy the barrel?" though most Nevians don't bother. I pretended not to understand. But- Well, yes, he would expect GLORY ROAD 73 droit du seigneur and, as you good wife and not permit you to pointed out, we haven't time to skip meals." waste." "Henpecking already. I think "Nor is that my idea of a honey­ I'll beat you." moon. Star-look at me. I don't "As you will, milord. But you expect to keep you in a cage; I must eat, you are going to need know you weren't raised that way. your strength-" But we won't look up the squire. "I certainly will!" What's the local brand of preach­ "-for fighting. For now I am er? A celibate brand, by choice." ten times as anxious that we both "But the squire is the priest, live through it. Here is a place for too. Not that religion is an en­ lunch." She turned Vita Brevis off grossing matter in ~evia; fertility the road; Ars Longa followed. Star rites are all they bother with. Mi­ looked back over her shoulder and lord love, the simplest way is to dimpled. "Have I told you today jump over your sword." that you are beautiful ... my love!" "Is that a marriage ceremony where you come from, Star?" XI "No, it's from your world: 'Leap rogue, and jump whore, RuFo's LONGHORSE FOLLOWED 'And married be forever­ us onto the grassy verge Star picked more-" for picnicking. He was still limp "Mmm- I don't care for the as a wet sock and snoring. I would marriage lines. I may be a rogue have let him sleep but Star was but I know what yoq think of shaking him. whores. What other chances are He came awake fast, reaching there?" for his sword and shouting, "A "Let me see. There's a rumor­ moil M'aidez! Les vaches!' Fortu­ monger in a village we pass nately some friend· had stored his through soon after lunch. They sword and belt out of reach on the sometimes marry townies who baggage rack aft. want it known far and wide; the Then he shook his head and service includes spreading the said, "How many were there?" news." "Down from there, old friend,'' "What sort of service?" Star said cheerfully. "We've "I don't know. And I don't care, stopped to eat." milord love. Married we will bel" "'Eat'!" Rufo gulped and shud­ "That's the spirit! We won't stop dered. "Please, milady. No ob­ for lunch." scenity." He fumbled at his seat "No, milord," she said firmly, belt and fell out of his saddle; I "if wife I am to be, I shall be a steadied him. 74 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Star was searching through her set up table and chairs for Star and pouch; she pulled out a vial and myself. offered it to Rufo. He shied back. "Sugar Pie," I said to Star, "Milady!" "what's in that pick-me-up?" "Shall I hold your nose?" she "An old family recipe: said sweetly. 'Eye of newt and toe of frog, "I'll be all right. Just give me a 'Wool of bat and tongue of moment ·• , • and the hair of the dog, dog." 'Adder's fork and blind­ "Certainly you'll be all right. worm's sting, Shall I ask milord Oscar to pin 'Lizard's leg and howlet's your arms?" wing-'" Rufo glanced at me appealing­ "Shakespeare!" I said. "Mac­ ly; Star opened the little bottle. It beth." :fizzed and fumes rolled out and " 'Cool it with a baboon's blood down. "Now/" -'No, Will got it from me, mi­ Rufo shuddered, held his nose, lord love. That's the way with writ­ tossed it down. ers; they'll steal anything, file off I won't say smoke shot out of his the serial numbers, and claim it ears. But he flapped like tom £an­ for their own. I got it from my vas in a gale and horrible noises aunt-another aunt-who was a came out. professor of internal medicine. Then he came into focus as The rhyme is a mnemonic for the suddenly as a TV picture. He ap­ real ingredients which are much peared heavier and inches taller more complicated-never can tell and had firmed out. His skin was when you'll need a hangover cure. a rosy glow instead of death pallor. I compounded it last night, know­ "Thank you, milady," he said ing that Rufo, for the sake of our cheerfully, his voice resonant and skins, would need to be at his virile. "Someday I hope to return sharpest today-two doses, in fact, the favor." in case you needed one. But you "When the Greeks reckon time surprised me, my love; you break by the kalends," she agreed. Rufo out with nobility at the oddest led the longhorses aside and fed times." them, opening the foldbox and "A family weakness. I can't digging out haunches of bloody help it." meat. Ars Longa ate a hundred­ "Luncheon is served, milady." weight and Vita Brevis and Mors I offered Star my arm. Hot Profunda even more; on the road foods were hot, cold ones chilled; these beasts need a high-protein this new foldbox, in Lincoln diet. That done, he whistled as he green embossed with the Doral GLORY ROAD 7S chop, had equipment that the lost than that to make me unhappy to­ box lacked. Everything was deli­ day.n cious and the wines were superb. Rufo came back, face impas­ Rufo are heartily from his serv­ sive, and finished serving. He re­ ing board while keeping an eye on packed without speaking and we our needs. He had come over to hit the road. pour the wine for the s;llad when I The road skirted the village broke the news. "Rufo old com­ green; we left Rufo there and rade, milady Star and I are getting sought out the rumormonger. His married today. I want you to be shop, a crooked lane away, was the best man and help prop me easy to spot; an apprentice was up." beating a drum in flont of it and He dropped the bottle. shouting teasers of gossip to a TheD he was busy wiping me crowd of locals. We pushed and mopping the table. When at through and went inside. last he spoke, it was to Star. "Mi­ The master rumormonger was lady," he said tightly, "I have put reading something in each hand up with much, uncomplaining, with a third scroll propped against for reasons I need not state. But his feet on a desk. He looked, this is going too far. I won't let-' dropped feet to Boor, jumped up "Hold ·your tongue!" and made a leg while waving us to "Yes, N I agreed, "hold it while I seats. "Come in, come in, my gen­ cut it out. Will you have it fried? tles!" he sang out. ''You do me Or boiled?" great honor, my day is made! And Rufo looked at me and breathed yet if I may say so you have come heavily. Then he left abruptly, to the right place whatever your withdrawing beyond the serving problem whatever your need you board. Star said softly. "Milord have only to speak good news bad love, I am sorry: news every sort but sad news repu­ "What twisted his tail?" I said tations restored events embellished wonderingly. Then I thought of history rewritten great deeds sung the obvious. "Star! Is Rufo jeal­ and all work guaranteed by the ous?" oldest established news agency in She looked astounded, started all Nevia news from all worlds all to laugh and chopped it off. "No, universes propaganda planted or no, darllngl It's not that at all. uprooted offset or rechanneled sa­ Rufo- Well, Rufo bas his foibles isfaction guaranteed honesty is but he is utterly dependable where the best policy but the client is al­ it counts. And we need him. Ig­ ways right don't tell me I know I nore it. Please, milord." know I have spies in every kitchen "As you say. It would take more ears in every bedroom the Hero 76 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Gordon without a doubt and your call for it. I've often wished I had fame needs no heralds milord but time to travel but business busi­ honored am I that you should seek ness business-LIBRARY/" .• me out a biography perhaps to "Yes, Master?" a voice an­ match your matchless deeds com­ swered. plete with old nurse who recalls in "The planet Earth, Marriage her thin and ancient and oh so per­ Customs of-that's a capital suasive voice the signs and por­ 'Urr' and a soft theta." He added a tents at your birth-" five-group serial number. "Snap it Star chopped him off. "We up!" want to get married." In very short time an appren­ His mouth shut, he looked tice came running with a thin sharply at Star's waistline and al­ scroll. "Librarian says careful how most bought a punch in the nose. you handle it, Master. Very brittle, "It is a pleasure to do business he says. He says-" with clients who know their own "Shut up. Your pardon, gen­ minds. And I must add that I tles." He inserted the scroll in a heartily endorse such a public­ reader and began to scan. spirited project. All this modern His eyes bugged out and he sat bundling and canoodling and forward. "Unbeliev-" Then he scuttling without even three cheers muttered, "Amazing! Whatever or a by-your-leave sends taxes up made them think of that/" For sev­ and profits down that's logic. I eral minutes he appeared to forget only wish I had time to get mar­ we were there, simply giving vent ried myself as I've told my wife to: "Astounding! Fantastic!" and many's the time. Now as to plans, like expressions. · if I may make a modest sugges­ I tapped his elbow. "We're in a tion-" hurry." "We want to be married by the "Eh? Yes, yes, milord Hero customs of Earth." · Gordon-milady." Reluctantly he "Ah, yes, certainly." He turned left the scanner, fitted his palms to a cabinet near his desk, spun together, and said, "You've come dials. After a bit he said, "Your to the right place. Not another ru­ pardon, gentles, but my head is mormonger in all Nevia could crammed with a billion facts, handle a project this size. Now large and small, and-that name? my thought is-just a rough idea, Does it start with one 'R' or two?" talking off the top of my head­ Star moved around, inspected for the procession we'll need to the dials, made a setting. call in the surrounding country­ The rumormonger blinked. side although for the charivari we "That universe? We seldom have a could make do with just towns- GLORY· RO:\D 77 people if you want to keep it mod­ "Milord love?" est in accordance with your repu­ ''That 'jumping over the sword' tation for dignified simplicity­ -that really is a marriage cere­ say one day for the procession and mony?" a nominal two nights of charivari "A very old one, my darling. I .. with guaranteed noise levels-" think it dates back to the Crusades." "Hold it." "I've thought of an updated "Milord? I'm not going to make wording: a profit on this; it will be a work of 'Jump rogue, and princess leap' art, a labor of love-just expenses 'My wife art thou and mine to plus a little something for my keep!' overhead. It's my professional -would that suit you?" judgment, too, that a Samoan pre­ "Yes, yesl" ceremony would be more sincere, "For the second line you say: more touching really, than the op­ '-thy wife I vow and thine to tional Zulu rite. For a touch of keep'. comedy relief-at no extra charge; Got it?" one of my file clerks just happens Star gave a gasp. "Yes, my love!" to be seven months along, she'd be We left Rufo with the long­ glad to run down the aisle and in­ horses, giving no explanation, and terrupt the ceremony-and of c.limbed a little wooded hill. All course there is the matter of wit­ of Nevia is beautiful, with never a nesses to the consummation, how beer can nor a dirty Kleenex to many for each of you, but that mar its Eden loveliness, but here needn't be settled this week; we we found an outdoor temple, a have the street decorations to think smooth grassy place surrounded of first, and-" by arching trees, an enchanted I took her arm. "We're leav­ sanctuary. ing." I drew my sword and glanced "Yes, milord," Star agreed. along it, feeling its exquisite bal­ He chased after us, shouting ance while noting again the faint about broken contracts. I put ripples left by feather-soft ham­ hand to sword and showed six mer blows of some master sword­ inches of blade; his squawks shut smith. I tossed it and caught it by off. the forte. "Read the motto, Star." Rufo seemed to be all over· his She traced it out. " 'Dum vivi­ mad; he greeted us civilly, even mus, vivamusl'-'While we live, cheerfully. We mounted and left. let us live/' Yes, my love, yes!" She We had been riding south a mile kissed it and handed it back; I or so when I said, "Star darling placed it on the ground. .. "Know your lines?" I asked . 78 FANTASY A;s"D SCIENCE FICTION "Graved in my heart." She was slow in answering and I took her hand in mine. her voice was very low. "No, mi­ "Jump high. One . . . two • • • lord husband. Never." three!" "I'm pleased to hear it. But if you did, what would happen?" XII ''You-You would spank me. With my own sword. But not with WHEN I LED MY BRIDE BACK your sword. Please, never with down that blessed hill, arm around your sword . . • my husband." her waist, Rufo helped us mount "Not with your sword, either. without comment. But he could With my hand. Hard. First I hardly miss that Star now addressed would spank you. And then-" me as: "Milord husband." He "And then what?" mounted and tailed in, a respectful I told her. "But don't give me distance out of earshot. cause. According to plans I have We ·rode hand in hand for at to fight later. And don't interrupt least an hour. Whenever I glanced me in the future." at her, she was smiling; whenever "Yes, milord husband." she caught my eye, the smile grew "Very well. Now let's assign dimples. Once I asked, "How soon Muri an arbitrary score of ten. On must we keep lookout?" that scale you would rate-Let me "Not until we leave the road, think." milord husband." "Three or four, perhaps? Or That held ·us another mile. At even five?" last she said timidly, "Milord hus­ "Quiet. I make it about a thou­ band?" sand. Yes, a thousand, give or take "Yes, wife?" a point. I haven't a slide rule." "Do you still think that I am 'a "Oh, what a beast you are, my cold and clumsy wench'?" darling! Lean close and kiss me­ "Mmm . . ." I answered and just wait till I tell Muri." thoughtfully, "'cold' -no, I "You'll say nothing to Muri, my couldn't honestly say you were bride, or you will be paddled. cold. But 'clumsy'-Well, com­ Quit fishing for compliments. You pared with an artist like Muri, let know what you are, you sword­ us say-" jumping wench." "Milord husband!" "And what am I?" ''Yes? I was saying-" "My princess." "Are you honing for a kick in "Oh." the belly?" "And a mink with its tail on fire "Would you kick me in the -and you know it." belly?" "Is that good? I've studied GLORY B.O.\D 79 American idiom most carefully but with our friend the rumormonger sometimes I am not sure." -I'll bet we could out-gabble "It's supposed to be tops. A fig­ him." ure of speech, I've never known a "Milord husband!" mink that well. Now get your "Never mind. If you want me to mind on other matters, or you may kill dragons every Wednesday and be a widow on your bridal day. Saturday, I'll be on call. This Dragons, you say?" flaming methane-Do they spout "Not until after nightfall, mi­ it from both ends?" lord husband-and they aren't "Oh, just the front end. How really dragons." could it be both?'' "As you described them, the dif­ "Easy. See next year's model. ference could matter only to an­ Now quiet; I'm thinking over a other dragon. Eight feet high at tactic. I'll need Rufo. I suppose he the shoulders, a few tons each, has killed dragons before?" and teeth as long as my forearm "I don't know that a man has -all they need is to breathe ever killed one, milord husband.'' flame." "So? My princess, I'm flattered "Oh, but they do! Didn't I by the confidence you place in me. say?" Or is it desperation? Don't an­ I sighed. "No, you did not." swer, I don't want to know. Keep "They don't exactly breathe quiet and let me think.'' fire. That would kill them. They At the next farm house Rufo hold their breaths while flaming. was sent in to arrange returning It's swamp gas-methane-from the longhorses. They were ours, the digestive tract. It's a con­ gifts from the Doral, but we had to trolled belch, with a hypergolic ef­ send them home as they could not fect from an enzyme secreted be­ live where we were going-Muri tween the first and second rows of had promised me that she would teeth. The gas bursts into flame on keep an eye on Ars Longa and ex­ the way out." ercise her. Rufo came back with a "I don't care how they do it; bumpkin mounted on a heavy they're flamethrowers. Well? How draft animal, bareback-he kept do you expect me to handle them?" shifting nimbly between second "I had hoped that you would and third pairs of legs to spare the have ideas. You see," she added animal's back and controlled it by apologetically, "I hadn't planned voice. on it, I didn't expect us to come When we dismounted, re­ this way." trieved our bows and quivers, and "Well-Wife, let's go back to prepared to hoof it, Rufo came up. that village. Set up in competition "Boss, Manure Foot craves to meet 80 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION the hero and touch his sword. prayer, it can't do any harm and Brush him off?" might do some good, and I found Rank hath its duties as well as that I was sincere when I said it its privileges. "Fetch him." and no doubt the Congressman The lad, overgrown and fuzz was, too. Oh, possibly some harm, on his chin, approached eagerly, as the youngster might get him­ stumbling over his feet, then self killed on the first mile of that made a leg so long he almost fell. road. But that is better than sit­ ''Straighten up, son," I said. ing over the fire in your old age, "\Vhat's your name?" sucking your gums and thinking "Pug, milord Hero," he an­ about the chances you missed and swered shrilly. ("Pug" will do. the gals you didn't tumble. Isn't The Nevian meaning was as it? rugged as Jacko's jokes.) I decided that the occasion "A stout name. What do you seemed so important to Pug that it want to be when you grow up?" should be marked, so I groped in "A hero, milord! Like yourself." my pouch and found a U.S. quar­ I thought of telling him about ter. "What's the rest of your name, those rocks on the Glory Road. Pug?" But he would find them soon "Just 'Pug,' milord. Of house enough if ever he tramped it-and Lerdki, of course." either not mind, or tum back and "Now you will have three forget the silly business. I nodded names because I am giving you approvingly and assured him that one of mine." I had one I didn't there was always room at the top need, Oscar Gordon suited me in the Hero business for a lad with fine. Not "Flash" as that name was spirit-and that the lower the never acknowledged by me. Not start, the greater the glory . . . my Army nickname; I wouldn't so work hard and study hard and write that one on the wall of a wait his opportunity. Keep his latrine. "Easy" was the name I guard up but always speak to could spare. I had always used strange ladies; adventure would "E. C. Gordon" rather than "Eve­ come his way. Then I let him lyn Cyril Gordon" and in school touch my sword-but not take it my name had shifted from "E. C." in hand. The Lady Vivamus is to "Easy" because of my style of mine and I'd rather share my broken-field running-I never ran toothbrush. harder nor dodged more than the Once, when I was young, I was occasion demanded. presented to a Congressman. He "By authority vested in me by had handed me the same fatherly Headquarters United States Army guff I was now plagiarizing. Like Southeast Asia Command I, the GLORY ROAD 81 Hero Oscar, ordain that you shall left the yellow brick road; freely be known henceforth as Lerdki 't translated it read: "All Hope Pug Easy. Wear it proudly." Abandon, Ye Who Enter Here." I gave him the quarter and (A literal translation is remi­ showed him George Washington niscent of Yellowstone Park: on the obverse. "This is the father 'Warning-the varmints in these of my house, a greater hero than I woods are not tame. Travelers are will ever be. He stood tall and warned to stay on the road, as proud, spoke the truth, and fought their remains will not be returned for the right as he saw it, against to their kin. The Lerdki, His fearful odds. Try to be like him. Chop") And here-" I turned it over."­ Presently Star said, "Milord is the chop of my house, the house husband-" he founded. The bird stands for ''Yes, pretty foots?" I didn't courage, freedom, and ideals soar­ look at her; I was watching .my ing high." (I didn't tell him that side and a bit of hers, and keeping the Alllerican Eagle eats carrion, an eye overhead as well, as we never tackles anything its own could be bombed here-some­ size, and will soon be extinct-it thing like blood kites but smaller does stand for those ideals. A sym­ and goes for the eyes. bol means what you put into it.) "My Hero, you are truly noble Pug Easy nodded violently and and you have your wife most tears started to flow. I had not proud." presented him to my bride; I didn't "Huh? How?" I had my mind know that she would wish to meet on targets-two kinds on the him. But she stepped forward and ground here: a rat big enough to said gently, "Pug Easy, remember eat cats and willing to eat people, the words of milord Hero. Treas­ and a wild hog about the same size ure them and they will last you all and not a ham sandwich on him your life." anyplace, all rawhide and bad tem­ The kid dropped to his knees. per. The hogs were easier targets, Star touched his hair and said, I had been told, because they charge "Stand, Lerdki 't Pug Easy. Stand straight at you. But don't miss. And tall." have your sword loosened, you I said goodbye to Ars Longa, won't nock a second shaft. told her to be a good girl and I "That lad, Pug Easy. What you would be back someday. Pug Easy did for him." headed back with longhorses tailed "Him? I fed him the old malar­ up and we set out into the woods, key. Cost nothing." arrows nocked and Rufo eyes-be­ "It was a kingly deed, milord hind. There was a sign where we husband." 82 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "Oh, nonsense, diddycums. He and let him hope one day to be expected big talk from a hero, so I your equal . • . I know it is not did." because you hope to tumble him.'' "Oscar my beloved, may a loyal "Oh, I don't know. Boys that wife point it out to her husband age are considered a treat in some when he speaks nonsense of him­ circles. Give him a bath, perfume self? I have known many heroes him, curl his hair-" and some were such oafs that one "Milord husband, is it per­ would feed them at the back door mitted for me to think about kick­ if their deeds did not claim a place ing you in the belly?" at the table. I have known few men "Can't be court-martialed for who were noble, for nobility is thinking, that's the one thing they scarcer far than heroism. But true can't take away from you. Okay, I nobility can always be recognized prefer girls; I'm a square and can't .•• even in one as belligerently shy help it. What's this about Muri's about showing it as you are. The eyes? Long legs, are you jealous?" lad expected it, so you gave it to I could hear dimples even him-but noblesse oblige is an though I couldn't stop to see them. emotion felt only by those who are "Only on my wedding day, milord noble.'' husband; the other days are yours. "'Veil, maybe. Star, you are talk­ If I catch you in sportiveness, I ing too much again. Don't you think shall either not see it, or con­ these varmints have ears?'' gratulate you, as may be.'' "Your pardon, milord. They "I don't expect you'll catch me." have such good ears -that they hear "And I trust you'll not catch footsteps through the ground long me, milord rogue," she answered before they hear voices. Let me serenely. have the last word, today being my She did get the last word, for bridal day. If you are-no, when just then Rufo's bowstring went you are gallant to some beauty, let Fwungl He called out, "Got 'im!" us say Letva-or Muri, damn her and then we were very busy. Hogs lovely eyesi-I do not count it as so ugly they made razorbacks look nobility; it must be assumed to like Poland-Chinas-I got one by spring from a much commoner arrow, down his slobbering throat, emotion than noblesse oblige. But then fed steel to his brother a when you speak to a country lout frozen second later. Star got a fair with pig sty on his feet, garlic on hit at hers but it deflected on bone his breath, the stink of sweat all and kept coming and I kicked it in over him, and pimples on his face the shoulder as I was still trying to -speak gently and make him feel free my blade from its cousin. for the time as noble as you are Steel between its ribs quieted it GLORY ROAD 83 and Star coolly nocked another and took to heart the oldest lesson shaft and let fty while I was kill­ on patrol: you can't do the other ing it. She got one more with her man's job. Then I gave all my at­ sword, leaning the point in like a tention to our rear. Rufo, old as he matador at the moment of truth, was and wounded, would not die dancing aside as it still came on, without slaughtering an honor dead and unwilling to admit it. guard to escort him to tell in style The fight was over. Old Rufo -and Star was no fainting hero­ had got three unassisted and a ine. I would bet long odds on her nasty goring; I had a scratch and against anyone her own weight, my bride was unhurt, which I name your weapon or bare-hand­ made sure of as soon as things ed, and I pity the man who ever were quiet. Then I mounted guard tried to rape her; he's probably while our surgeon took care of still searching for his cojones. Rufo, after which she dressed my Hogs didn't bother us again but lesser cut. as evening approached we began "How about it, Rufo?" I asked. to sec and oftener to hear those "Can you walk?" giant rats; they paced us, usually "Boss, I won't stay in this forest out of sight; they never attacked if I have to crawl. Let's mush. berserk the way the hogs had; they Anyhow," he added, nodding at looked for the best of it, as rats the wor.thless pork around us, "we always do. won't be bothered by rats right Rats give me the horrors. Once away." when I was a kid, my Dad dead I rotated the formation, placing and Mother not yet remarried, we Rufo and Star ahead with his good were flat broke and living in an leg on the outside and myself tak­ attic in a condemned building. ing rear guard, where I should You could hear rats in the walls have been all along. Rear guard is and twice rats ran over me in my slightly safer than point under sleep. most conditions but these weren't I still wake up screaming. most conditions. I had let my It doesn't improve a rat to blow blind need to protect personally it up to the size of a coyote. These my bride affect my judgement. were real rats, even to the whisk­ Having taken the hot spot I ers, and shaped like rats save that then went almost cross-eyed trying their legs and pads were too large not only to see behind but ahead -perhaps the cube-square law on as well, so that I could close fast if animal proportions works any­ Star-yes, and Rufo-got into where. trouble. Luckily we had a breath­ We didn't waste an arrow on ing spell in which I sobered down one unless it was a fair shot and 84 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICnON we zigzagged to take advantage· of "I know," she answered calmly, such openness as the forest had­ "so time for a bite of supper. Mi­ which increased the hazard from lord husband, that great flat rock above. However, the forest was so up ahead seems a nice place." dense that attacks from the sky I thought she had slipped her weren't our first worry. gears, and so did Rufo, but for an­ I got one rat that tailed too other reason. "But, milady, we are closely and just missed another. far behind schedule." We had to spend an arrow when­ "And much later we shall be ever they got bold; it caused the unless I attend to your leg again." others to be more cautious. And "Better you leave me behind," once, while Rufo was drawing a he muttered. bow on one and Star was ready "Better you keep quiet until with her sword to back him up, your advice is asked," I told him. one of those vicious little hawks "I wouldn't leave a Horned Ghost dived on Rufo. to be eaten by rats. Star, how do Star cut him out of the air at we do this?" the bottom of his stoop. Rufo had­ The great flat rock sticking up n't even seen it; he was busy naiJ.. like a skull in the trees ahead was ing brother rat. the upper surface of a limestone We didn't have to worry about boulder with its base buried. I underbrush; thi$ forest was park­ stood guard in its center with Rufo like, trees and grass, no dense un­ seated beside me while Star set out dergrowth. Not too bad, that wards at cardinal and semicardi­ stretch, except that · we began to nal points. I didn't get to see what run out of arrows. I was fretting she did because my eyes had to be about that when I noticed some­ peeled for anything beyond her, thing. "Hey, up ahead! You're off shaft nocked and reach to knock it course. Cut to the right." Star had down or scare it off, while Rufo set course for me when we left the watched the other side. However road but it was up to me to hold it; Star told me later that the wards her bump of direction was erratic weren't even faintly "magic" but and Rufo's no better. were within reach of Earth tech­ "Sorry, milord leader," Star nology once some bright boy got called back. the idea-an "electrified fence" I closed in. "Rufo, how's the without the fence, as radio is a leg?" There was sweat on his fore­ telephone without wires, an anal­ head. ogy that won't hold up. Instead of answering me he But it was well that I kept hon­ said, "Milady, it will be dark est lookout instead of trying to soon." puzzle out how she set up that GLORY ROAD 85 charmed circle, as she was at- break in the circle on each side; I tacked by the only rat we met that decided these must be hogs; the had no sense. He came straight at eyes were higher off the ground. her, my arrow past her ear warned "Milady love," I said, "will her, and she finished him off by those wards hold all night?" sword. It was a very old male, "Yes, milord husband." missing teeth and white whiskers "They had better. It is too dark and likely weak in his mind. He for arrows and I can't see us hack­ was as large as a wolf, and with ing our way through that mob. two death wounds still a red-eyed, I'm afraid you must revise your mangy fury. schedule again." Once the last ward was placed "I can't, milord Hero. But for- Star told me that I could stop wor- · get those beasts. Now we fly." ring about the sky; the wards Rufo groaned. "I was afraid so. roofed as well as fenced the cir- You know it makes me seasick." cle. As Rufo said, if She says it, "Poor Rufo," Star said softly. that settles it. Rufo had partly un- "Never fear, old friend, I have a folded the foldbox while he surprise for you. Against such watched; I got out her surgical chance as this, I bought drama­ case, more arrows for all of us, and mine in Cannes-you know, the food. No nonsense about man- drug that saved the Normandy in­ servant and gentlefolk, we ate to- vasion back on Earth. Or perhaps gether, sitting or sprawling and you don't know." with Rufo lying flat to give his leg Rufo answered, " 'Know'? I was a chance while Star served him, in that invasion, milady-and sometimes popping food into his I'm allergic to dramamine; I fed mouth in Nevian hospitality. She fish all the way to Omaha Beach. had worked a long time on his leg Worst night I've ever had-why, while I held a light and handed I'd rather be here!" her things. She packed the wound "Rufo," I asked, "were you real- with a pale jelly before sealing a ly at Omaha Beach?" dressing over it. If it hurt, Rufo "Hell, yes, Boss. I did all of didn't mention it. Eisenhower's thinking." While we ate it grew dark and "But why? It wasn't your fight." the invisible fence began to be ''You might ask yourself why lined with eyes, glowing back at you're in this fight, Boss. In my us with the light we ate by, and al- case it was French babes. Earthy most as numerous as the crowd the and uninhibited and always cheer­ morning Igli ate himself. Most of ful about it and willing to learn. I them I judged to be rats. One remember one little mademoiselle group kept to themselves with a from Armenteires-" (He pro- 86 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION nounced it correctly.) "-who they ought to do. There ought to be hadn't been-" a law." Star interrupted. "While you Star had returned. "No, there two pursue your bachelor remi­ should not be a law," she said niscences, I'll get the Bight gear firmly. "Rufo, don't sound off ready." She got up and went to the about things you don't understand. fold box. Disturbing the ecological balance "Go ahead, Rufo," I said, won­ is the worst mistake any govern­ dering how far he would stretch ment can make." this one. Rufo shut up, muttering. I said, "No," he said sullenly. "She "My true love, what use is a dra­ wouldn't like it. I can tell. Boss, gon? Riddle me that." you've had the damnedest effect on "I've never cast a balance sheet Her. More ladylike by the minute on Nevia, it's not my responsibil­ and that isn't like Her at all. First ity. But I can suggest the imbal­ thing you know She will subscribe ances that might follow any at­ to 'Vogue' and then there's no tell­ tempt to get rid of dragons­ ing how far it will go. I don't un­ which the Nevians could do; derstand it, it can't be your looks. you've seen that their technology No offense meant." is not to be sneered at. These rats "And none taken. Well, tell me and hogs destroy crops. Rats help another time. If you can remember to keep the hogs down by eating it." piglets. But rats are even worse "I'll never forget her. But, Boss, than hogs, on food crops. The seasickness isn't the half of it. You dragons graze through these very think these woods are infested. woods in the daytime-dragons Well, the ones we are coming to are diurnal, rats are nocturnal and -wBoston. Big ones, shot of flame, not always killing little ones, and the two-ton teen­ adults as they dig two holes for age size, hungry all the time. You each nest, but certainly killing may fancy being eaten by a dra­ any babies-and then the dragon gon; I don't. It's humiliating. And digs in and has his favorite snack. final. They ought to spray the There is a long-standing agree­ place with dragonbane, that's what ment, amounting to a treaty, that GLORY ROAD S7 as long as the dragons stay in Star was ready and Rufo had their own territory and keep the packed and rcslung the foldbox rats in check, humans will not while we conferred. She placed bother them." round garters. above each knee of "But why not kill the rats, and each of us, then had us sit on the then clean up the dragons?" rock facing our destination. "That "And let the hogs run wild? oak arrow, Rufo." Please, milord husband, I don't "Star, isn't this out of the Al­ know all the answers in this case; bcrtus Magnus book?" I simply know that disturbing a "Similar," she said. "My formula natural balance is a matter to be is more reliable and the ingredi­ approached with fear and trem­ ents I use on the garters don't bling-and a very versatile com­ spoil. If you please, milord hus­ puter. The Nevians seem content band, I must concentrate on my not to bother the dragons." witchery. Place the arrow so that "Apparently we're going to both~ it points at the cave." er them. Will that break the I did so. "Is that precise?" she treaty?" asked. "It's not really a treaty, it's folk "If the map you showed me is wisdom with the Nevians, and a correct, it is. That's aimed just the conditioned reflex-or possibly way I've been aiming since we instinct-with the dragons. And left the road." we aren't going to bother dragons "How far away is the Forest of if we can help it. Have you dis­ Dragons?" cussed tactics with Rufo? There "Uh, look, my love, as long as won't be time when we get there." we're going by air why don't we go So I discussed how to kill drag­ straight to the cave and skip the ons with Rufo, while Star listened dragons?" and finished her preparations. She said patiently, "I wish we "All right," Rufo said glumly, "it could. But that forest is so dense beats sitting tight, like an oyster at the top that we can't drop on the half shell waiting to be straight down at the cave, no el­ eaten. More dignified. I'm a better bow room. And the things that archer than you are-or at least as live in those trees, high up, are good-so I'll take the hind end, as worse than dragons. They grow I'm not too agile tonight." " "Be ready to switch jobs fast if "Please!" said Rufo. "I'm airsick he swings around." already and we're not off the "You be ready, Boss. I'll be ground.'' ready for the best of reasons-my "Later, Oscar, if you still want to favorite skin." know. In any case we daren't risk 88 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION encountering them-and won't; It was a fine night for flying (all they stay up higher than the drag­ nights in Nevia are fine; it rains ons can reach, they must. How far just before dawn in the rainy sea­ to the forest?" son, they tell me) and the greater "Mm, eight and a half miles, by moon silvered the ground below that map and how far we've come us. The woods opened up and be­ -and not more than two beyond came clumps of trees; the forest we that to the Cave of the Gate." were heading for showed black "All right. Arms tight around against the distance, much higher my waist, both of you, and as much and enormously more imposing body contact as possible; it's got to than the pretty woods behind us. work on all of us equally." Rufo Far off to the left I could glimpse and I settled each an arm in a hug fields of house Lerdki. about her and clasped hands across We had been in the air about her tummy. "That's good. Hang on two minutes when Rufo said, tight." Star wrote figures on the "Pa'don mel" and turned his head rock beside the arrow. away. He doesn't have a weak It sailed away into the night stomach; he didn't get a drop on us. with us after it. It arched like a fountain. That was I don't see how to avoid calling the only incident of a perfect this magic, as I can't see any way flight. to build Buck Rogers' belts into Just before we reached the tall elastic garters. Qh, if you like, trees Star said crisply, "Amechl" Star hypnotized us, then used psi We checked like a hell and settled powers to teleport us eight and a straight down to a three-fanny half miles. "Psi" is a· better word landing. The arrow rested on the than "magic"; monosyllables are ground in front of us, again dead. stronger than polysyllables-see Rufo returned it to his quiver. Winston Churchill's speeches. I "How do you feel?" I asked. "And don't understand either word, any how's your leg?" more than I can explain why I nev­ He gulped. "Leg's all right. er get lost. I just think it's prepos­ Ground's going up and down." terous that other people can. "Hush!" Star whispered. "He'll When I fly in dreams, I use two be all right. But hush, for your styles: one is a swan dive and I lives!" swoop and swirl and cut didos; the We set out moments later, my­ other is sitting Turk fashion like self leading with drawn sword, the Little Lame Prince and sailing Star behind me, and Rufo dogging along by sheer force of personality. her, an arrow nocked and ready. The latter is how we did it, like The change from moonlight to sailing in a glider with no glider. deep shadow was blinding and I GLORY ROAD 89 crept along, feeling for tree trunks out a way to make dragons pay up. and praying that no dragon would We never were out of sight of one be in the path my bump of dirc­ after we could see. tion led. Certainly I knew that the Of course these aren't dragons. dragons slept at night, but I place No, they are uglier. They are sau­ no faith in dragons. Maybe the rians, more like tyrannosaurus rex bachelors stood watches, the way than anything else-big hind bachelor baboons do. I wanted to quarters and heavy hind legs, surrender that place of honor to St. heavy tail, and smaller front legs George and take a spot farther that they use either in walking or back. to grasp their prey. The head is Once my nose stopped me, a mostly teeth. They are omnivores whiff of ancient musk. I waited whereas I understand that t. rex and slowly became aware of a ate only meat. This is no help; the shape the size of a real estate of­ dragons eat meat when they can flice-a dragon, sleeping with its get it, they prefer it. Furthermore, head on its tail. I led them around these not-so-fake dragons have it, making no noise and hoping evolved that charming trick of that my heart wasn't as loud as it burning their own sewer gas. But sounded. no evolutionary quirk can be con­ My eyes were doing better now, sidered odd if you use the way reaching out for every stray moon­ octopi make love as a comparison. beam that trickled down-and Once, far off to the left, an enor­ something else developed. The mous jet lighted up, with a grunt­ ground was mossy and barely ing bellow like a very old alliga­ phosphorescent the way a rotten tor. The light stayed on several log sometimes is. Not much. Oh seconds, then died away. Don't ask very little. But it was the way a me-two males arguing over a fe­ darkroom light, almost nothing male, maybe. We kept going, but I when you go inside, later is plenty slowed after the light went out, as of light. I could see trees now and even that much was enough to af­ the ground-and dragons. fect our eyes until our night sight I had thought earlier, "Oh, recovered. what's a dozen or so dragons in a I'm allergic to dragons-liter­ big forest? Chances are we won't ally, not just scared silly. Allergic see one, any more than you catch the way poor old Rufo is to sight of deer most days in deer dramamine but more the way cat country." fur affects some people. The man who gets the all-night My eyes were watering as soon parking concession in that forest as we were in that forest, then my will make a fortune if he figures sinuses started to clog up and be- 90 FANTASY AND SCIENCE. FICTION fore we had gone half a mile I was potty in the night, I don't know. using my left fist to rub my upper All I know is that I passed close to lip as hard as I could, trying to a tree he was behind and stepped kill a sneeze with pain. At last I on his tail, and he squealed! couldn't make it and jammed fin· He had every right to. But that's gers up my nostrils and bit my lips when it hit the fan. The adult and the contained explosion a}. dragon between us and the cave most burst my eardrums. It hap­ woke up at once. Not a big one­ pened as we were skirting the say about forty feet, including the south end of a truck-and-trailer· tail. size job; I stopped dead and they Good old Rufo went into action stopped and we waited. It didn't as if he had had endless time to wake up. rehearse, dashing around to the When I started up, my beloved brute's south end, arrow nocked closed on me, grasped my arm; I and bow bent, ready to loose in a stopped again. She reached into hurry. "Get its tail up!" he called her pouch, silently found some­ out. thing, rubbed it on my nose and I ran to the front end and tried up my nostrils, then with a gentle to antagonize the beast by shouting push signed that we could· move and waving my sword while wond· on. ering how far that flamethrower First my nose burned cold, as could throw. There are only four with Vick's salve, then it felt places to put an arrow into a Nev· numb, and presently it began to ian dragon; the rest is armored clear. . like a rhino only heavier. Those After more than an hour of this four are his mouth (when open), age-long spooky sneak through tall his eyes (a difficult shot; they are trees and giant shapes, I thought little and piggish), and that spot we were going to win "home free." right under his tail where almost The Cave of the Gate should be not any animal is vulnerable. I had more than a hundred yards ahead figured that an arrow placed in and I could see the rise in ground that tender area should add might­ where the entrance would be-and ily to that "itclling, burning" sensa• only one dragon in our way and tion featured in small ads in the that not in direct line. backs of newspapers, the ones that I hurried. say "Avoid Surgery!" There was this little fellow, no My notion was that, if the drag­ bigger than a wallaby and about on, not too bright, was unbearably the same shape, aside from baby annoyed at both ends at once. his teeth four inches long. Maybe he coordination should go all to hell was so young he bad to wake to and we could peck away at him un- GLORY ROAD 91 til he was useless, or until he got in' the boll's eye, the beast got a sick of it and ran. But I had to get look of utter indignation, opened his tail up, to let Rufo get in a shot. its mouth again without flaming These creatures, satchel-heavy like and tried to reach its fanny with old t. rex, charge head up and front both hands. It couldn't-forelegs legs up and balance this by lifting too short-but it tried. I had re­ the tail. turned sword in a hurry once I The dragon was weaving its saw the length of that flame jet head back and forth and I was try­ and had grabbed my bow. I had ing to weave the other way, so as time to get one arrow into its not to be lined up if it turned on mouth, left tonsil maybe. the flame-when suddenly I got This message got through faster. my first blast of methane, whiffing With a scream of rage that shook it before it lighted, and retreated the ground it started for me, belch­ so fast that I backed into that baby ing flame-and Rufo yelled, "A I had stepped on before, went clear wart seven!" over it, landed on my shoulders I was too busy to congratulate and rolled, and that saved me. him; those critters are fast for their Those flames shoot out about twen­ size. But I'm fast, too, and had ty feet. The grown-up dragon had more incentive. A thing that big reared up and still could have fried can't change course very fast, but me, but the baby was in the way. it can swing its head and with it It chopped off the flame-but Rufo the flame. I got my pants scorched yelled, "Boll's Eye!" and moved still faster. The reason that I backed away Star carefully put an arrow in time was halitosis. It says here into the other tonsil, right where that "pure methane is a colorless, the flame came out, while I was odorless gas." This G.l.-tract meth~ dodging. Then the poor thing ane wasn't pure; it was so loaded tried so hard to tum both ways at with homemade ketones and alde­ both of us that it got tangled in its hydes that it made an unlimed out­ feet and fell over, a small earth­ house smell like Shalimar. quake. Rufo sank another arrow I figure that Star's giving me in its tender behind, and Star that salve to open up my nose loosed one that passed through its saved my life. When my nose tongue and stuck on the fletching, clamps down I can't even smell not damaging it but annoying it my upper lip. dreadfully. The action didn't stop while I It pulled itself into a ball, got figured this out; I did all my to its feet, reared up and tried to thinking either before or after, not flame me again. I could tell it during. Shortly after Rufo shot it didn't like me. 92 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION And the flame went out. that one poke. St. Michael and St. This was something I had hoped George guided my blade.) for. A proper dragon, with castles And Rufo yelled, "Boss! Git fer and captive princesses, has as much home!" fire as it needs, like six-shooters in A drag race of dragons was clos­ TV oaters. But these creatures fer­ ing on us. It felt like that drill in mented their own methane and basic where you have to dig a fox couldn't have too big a reserve tank hole, then let a tank pass over you. nor under too high pressure- I 'This way!" I yelled. "Rufe! hoped. If we could nag one into This way, not that! Star!" Rufo using all its ammo fast, there was skidded to a stop, we got headed bound to be a lag before it re­ the same way and I saw the mouth charged. of the cave, black as sin and invit­ Meanwhile Rufo and Star were ing as a mother's arms. Star hung giving it no peace with the pin­ back; I shoved her in and Rufo cushion routine. It made a real ef­ stumbled after her and I turned to fort to light up again while I was face more dragons for my lady love. traversing rapidly, trying to keep But she· was yelling, "Milord! that squealing baby dragon between Oscar! Inside, you idiot! I must set me and the big one, and it behaved the wards/" like an almost dry Ronson; the So I got inside fast and she did, flame flickered and caught, shot out and I never did chew her out for a pitiful six feet and went out. But calling her husband an idiot. it tried so hard to get me with that last flicker that it fell over again. XIII I took a chance that it would be sluggy for a second or two like a THE LITTLEST DRAGON FOL­ man who's been tackled hard, ran lowed us to the cave, not belliger­ in and stuck my sword in its right ently (although I don't trust any­ eye. thing with teeth that size) but It gave one mighty convulsion more, I think, the way a baby duck and quit. follows anyone who leads. It tried (A lucky poke. They say dino­ to come in after us, drew back sud­ saurs that big have brains the size denly as its snout touched the in­ of chestnuts. Let's credit this beast visible curtain, like a kitten hit by a with one the size of a cantalope­ static spark. Then it hung around but it's still luck if you thrust outside, making whelping noises. through an eye socket and get the I began to wonder whether or brain right off. Nothing we had not Star's wards could stop flame. I done up to then was more than found out as an old dragon ar­ lUosquito bites. But it died from rived right after that, shoved his GLORY ROAD 93 head into the opening, jerked it lord husband pleases, we are back indignantly just as the kid ready." had, then eyed us and switched on "Keetl" his flamethrower. "Right away," I agreed, then No, the wards don't stop flame. yelled, "Beat it, kid! Back to your We were far enough inside that mama.'' we didn't get singed but sinoke and Rufo stuck his head alongside stink and heat were ghastly and mine. "Probably can't. Likely that just as deadly if it went on long. was its mama we ruined.'' An arrow whoofed past my ear I didn't answer as it made sense; and that dragon gave up interest in the adult dragon we had finished us. He was replaced by another off had come awake instantly when who wasn't convinced. Rufo, or I stepped on the kid's tail. This possibly Star, convinced him be­ sounds like mother love, if dragons fore he had time to light his torch. go in for mother love-1 wouldn't The air cleared; from somewhere know. inside there was an outward draft." But it's a hell of a note when you Meanwhile Star had made a can't even kill a dragon and feel light and the dragons were holding light-hearted afterwards. an indignation meeting. I glanced We meandered back into that behind me-a narrow,low passage hill, ducking stalactites and step­ that dropped and turned. I stopped ping around stalagmites while paying attention to Star and Rufo Rufo led with a torch. We arrived and the inside of the cave; another in a domed chamber with a Boor committee was calling. glazed smooth by unknown years of I got the chairman in his soft calcified deposit. It had stalactites palate before he could belch. The in soft pastel shades near the walls vice chairman took over and got in and a lovely, almost symmetrical a brief remark about fifteen feet chandelier from the center but no long before he, too, changed his stalagmite under it. Star and Rufo mind. The committee backed off had stuck lumps of the luminiscent and bellowed bad advice at each putty which is the common night other. light in Nevia at a dozen points The baby dragon hung around around the room; it bathed the all during this. When the adults r~m in a soft light and pointed up withdrew he again came to the the stalactites. door, just short of where he had Among them Rufo showed me burned his nose. "Koo-werp ?" he webs. "Those spinners are harm· said plaintively. "Koo-werp? Keet!" less," he said. "Just big and ugly. Plainly he wanted to come in. They don't even bite like a spider. Star touched my ann. "If mi- But-mind your step!" He pulled 94 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION me back. "These things are poison­ ate or drank we must fetch with us. ous even to touch. Blindworms. I eyed those one-liter canteens That's what took us so long. Had to with disfavor. "Baby girl, I think be sure the place was clean before we are cutting rations too fine." warding it. But now that She is She shook her head. "We won't setting wards at the entrances I'll need inore, truly." give it one more check." "Lindbergh flew the Atlantic on The so-called blindworms were just a peanut butter sandwich," translucent, iridescent things the Rufo put in. "But I urged him size of large rattlesnakes and slimy­ to take more." soft like angle worms; I was glad "How do you know we won't they were dead. Rufo speared them need more?" I persisted. "Water on his sword, a grisly shishkebab, especially." and carried them out through the ''I'm filling mine with brandy," entrance we had come in. Rufo said. "You divvy with me, I'll He was back quickly and Star divvy with you." finished warding. "That's better," "Milord love, water is heavy. If he said with a sigh as he started we try to hang everything on us cleaning his blade. "Don't want against any emergency, like the their perfume around the house. White Knight, we'll be too weight­ They rot pretty fast and puts me in ed down to fight. I'm going to have mind of green hides. Or copra. Did to strain to usher through three I ever tell you about the time I people, weapons, and a minimum shipped as a cook out of Sydney? of clothing. Living bodies are eas­ We had a second mate aboard who iest; I can borrow power from you never bathed and kept a penguin both. Once-living materials are in his stateroom. Female, of course. next; you've noticed, I think, that This bird was no more cleanly than our clothing is wool, our bows of he was and it used to-" wood, and strings are of gut. "Rufo," said Star, "will you help Things never living are hardest, with the baggage?" steel especially, yet we must have "Coming, milady." swords and, if we still had fire­ We got our food, sleeping mats, arms, I would strain to the limit to more arrows, things that Star need­ get them through, for now we ed for her witching or whatever, need them. However, milord Hero, and canteens to fill with water, I am simply informing you. You also from the foldbox. Star had must decide-and I feel sure I can warned me earlier that Karth­ handle, oh, even half a hundred­ Hokesh was a place where the lo­ weight more of dead things if nec­ cal chemistry was not compatible essary. If you will select what your with human life; everything we genius tells you." GLORY ROAD 95 "My genius has gone fishing. had drenched us and quit arguing. But, Star my love, there is a sim· "All right, I'm wrong. But one pie answer. Take everything." question-If the mass is there al­ "Milord?" ways, why does it weigh so little "Jocko set us out with half a ton when folded?" of food, looks like, and enough Star got the same troubled ex­ wine to Boat a loan, and a little pression. "Your pardon, milord, water. Plus a wide variety of but we do not share the language Nevia's best tools for killing, stab­ -the mathematical language­ bing, and mayhem. Even armor. that would permit me to answer. And more things. In that foldbox As yet, I mean; I promise you is enough to survive a siege, with­ chance to study if you wish. As a out eating or drinking anything tag, think of it as a tame space­ from Karth-Hokesh. The beauty of warp. Or thibk of the mass being it is that it weighs only about fif­ so extremely far away-in a new teen pounds, packed-not the fifty direction-from the sides of the pounds you said you could swing foldbox that local gravitatiion up straining. I'll strap it on my hardly matters." own back and won't notice it. It (I remembered a time when my won't slow me down; it may armor grandmother had asked me to ex­ me against a swing at my back. plain television to her-the guts, Suits?" not the funny pictures. There are Star's expression would have things which cannot be taught in fitted a mother whose child has ten easy lessons, nor popularized just caught onto the Stork hoax for the masses; they take years of and is wondering how to tackle an skull sweat. This is treason in an awkward subject. "Milord hus­ age when ignorance has come into band, the mass is much too great. its own and one man's opinion is I doubt if any witch or warlock as good as another's. But there it is. could move it tinassisted." As Star says, the world is what it is "But folded up?" -and doesn't forgive ignorance.) "It does not change it, milord; But I was still curious. "Star, is the mass is still there-still more there any way to tell me why some dangerously there. Think of a things go through easier than oth­ powerful spring, wound very tight ers? Wood easier than iron, for and small, thus storing much en­ example?" ergy. It takes enormous power to She looked rueful. "No, because put a foldbox through a transition I don't know myself. Magic is not in its compacted form, or it ex­ science, it is a collection of ways plodes." to do things-ways that work but I recalled a mud volcano that often we don't know why." 96 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION "Much like engineering. Design in New York, but enormously by theory, then beef it up any­ larger. how.'' Its interior was a maze. ''Yes, milord husband. A magi­ "Milord champion," Star said cian is a rule-of-thumb engineer.'' apologetically, "when we left Nice "And," put in Rufo, "a philoso­ there was in our baggage a finished pher is a scientist with no thumbs. sketch of the Tower. Now I must I'm a philosopher. Best of all pro­ work from memory. However I had fessions.'' studied the sketch so very long that Star ignored him and got out a I believe I can get relations right sketcb block, showed me what she even if proportions suffer. I feel knew of the great tower from sure of the true paths, the paths which we must steal the Egg of the that lead to the Egg. It is possible Phoenix. This block appeared to that false paths and dead ends be a big cube of Plexiglas; it looked will not be as complete; I did not like it, felt like it, and took thumb study them as hard.'' prints like it. "Can't see that it matters," I as­ But she had a long pointer sured her. "If I know the true which sank into it as if the block paths, any I don't know are false were air. With its tip she could ones. Which we won't use. Except sketch in three dimensions; it left to hide in, in a pinch.'' a thin glowing line wherever she She drew the true paths in wanted it-a 3-dimensional black­ glowing red, false ones in green­ board. and there was a lot more green This wasn't magic; it was ad­ than red. The critter who designed vanced technology~and it will that tower had a twisty mind. beat the hell out of our methods of What appeared to be the main en­ engineering drawing when we trance went in, up, branched and learn how, especially for complex converged, passed close to the assemblies such as aviation en­ Chamber of the Egg-then went gines and UHF circuitry-even back down by a devious route and better than exploded isometric dumped you out, like P. T. Bar­ with transparent overlays. The num's "This \Vay to the Egress." block was about thirty inches on a Other routes went inside and side and the sketch inside could be lost you in mazes that could not be looked at from any angle-even solved by follow-the-left-wall. If turned over and studied from un­ you did, you'd starve. Even routes derneath. marked in red were very complex. The Mile-High Tower was not a Unless you knew where the Egg spire but a massy block, somewhat was guarded, you could enter cor­ like those stepped-back buildings rectly and still spend this year and GLORY ROAD 97 next January in fruitless search. "Some silk trout line." "Star, have you been in the In an hour we had made all Tower?" preparations I could think of and "No, milord. I have been in that maze was as firmly in my head Karth-Hokesh. But far back in the as the alphabet. "Star bon, we're Grotto Hills. I've seen the Tower ready to roll. Want to whomp up only from great distance." your spell?" "Somebody must have been in it. "No, milord." Surely your-opponents-didn't "Why not? 'Twere best done send you a map." quickly" She said soberly, "Milord, sixty­ "Because I can't, my darling. three brave men have died getting These Gates are not true gates; the information I now offer you." there is always a matter of timing. (So now we try for sixty-four!) This one will be ready to open, for I said, "Is there any way to study a few minutes, about seven hours just the red paths?" from now, then cannot be opened "Certainly, milord." She again for several weeks." touched a control, green lines fad­ I had a sour thought. "If the ed. The red paths started each buckos we are after know this, from one of three openings, one they'll hit us as we come out." "door" and two "windows." "I hope not, milord champion. I pointed to the lowest level. They should be watching for us to "This is the only one of thirty or appear from the Grotto Hills, as forty doors that leads to the Egg?" they know we have a Gate some­ "That is true." where in those hills-and indeed "Then just inside that door that is the Gate I planned to use. they'll be waiting to clobber us." But this Gate, even if they know "That would seem likely, mi­ of it, is so badly located-for us­ lord." that I do not think they would ex­ "Hmmm ..." I turned to pect us to dare it." Rufo. "Rufe, got any long, strong, ''You cheer me up more all the light-weight line in that plunder?" time. Have you thought of any­ "I've got some Jocko uses for thing to tell me about what to ex­ hoisting. About like heavy fishing pect? Tanks? Cavalry? Big green line, breaking strength around fif­ giants with hairy ears?" teen hundred pounds." She looked troubled. "Anything "Good boyl" I say would mislead you, milord. "Figured you might want it. A We can assume that their troops thousand yards enough?" will be constructs rather than truly "Yes. Anything lighter than living creatures . . . which that?" means they can be anything. Also, 98 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION anything may be illusion. I told Her answering glance said nei­ you about the gravity?" ther Yes nor No. Instead she called "I don't think so." out, "Rufo, go to bed and give that "Forgive me, I'm tried and my leg a chance. Don't lie on it. Ei­ mind isn't sharp. The gravity va­ ther belly down or face the wall." ries, sometimes erratically. A level For the first time Rufo showed stretch will seem to be downhill, his disapproval of what we had then quickly uphill. Other things done. He answered abruptly, not . . . any of which may be illu­ what Star said but what she may sion." have implied: ''You couldn't hire Rufo said, "Boss, if it moves, me to look!" shoot it. If it speaks, cut its throat. Star said to me in a voice so low That spoils most illusions. You I barely heard it, "Forgive him, don't need a program; there'll be milord husband. He is an old man, just us-and all the others. So he has his quirks. Once he is in when in doubt, kill it. No sweat." bed I will take down the lights." I grinned at him. "No sweat. I whispered, "Star my beloved, Okay, we'll worry when we get it still isn't my idea of how to run there. So let's quit talking." a honeymoon." "Yes, milord husband," Star sec­ She searched my eyes. "This is onded. "We had best get several your will, milord love?" hours sleep." ''Yes. The recipe calls for a jug Something in her voice had of wine and a loaf of bread. Not a changed. I looked at her and she word about a chaperon. I'm sorry." was subtly different, too. She She put a slender hand against seemed smaller, softer, more femi­ my chest, looked up at me. "I am nine and compliant than the glad, milord." Amazon who had fired arrows into ''You are?" I didn't see why she a beast a hundred times her weight had to say so. less than two hours before. ''Yes. We both need sleep. "A good idea/' I said slowly and Against the morrow. That your looked around. While Star had strong sword ann may grant us been sketching the mazes of the many morrows.'' Tower, Rufo had repacked what I felt better and smiled down at we couldn't take and-I now her. "Okay, my princess. But I noticed-put one sleeping pad on doubt if I'll sleep." one side of the cave and the other "Ah, but you will!" two side by side as far from the "Want to bet?'' first as possible. "Hear me out, milord darling. I silently questioned her by Tomorrow • • • after you have glancing at Rufo and shrugging. won • . . we go quickly to my GLORY llOAD 99 home. No more waitings, no more side me was empty but Star seemed troubles. I would that you knew to have just gotten up; she was not the language of my home, so that dressed. She was on her knees in you will not feel a stranger. I the center of the room, drawing want it to be your home, at once. some large design on the floor. So? Will milord husband dispose "'Morning, chatterbox," I said. himself for bed? Lie back and let "Pentacle?" me give him a language lesson? "Mmm-" she answered, not You will sleep, you know that you looking up. will." I went over and watched her "Well • • . it's a fine idea. work. Whatever it was, it was not But you need sleep even more than based on a five-cornered star. It I do." had three major centers, was very "Your pardon, milord, but not intricate, had notations here and so. Four hours sleep puts spring in there-1 recognized neither lan­ my step and a song on my lips." guage nor script-and the only "Well-" sense I could abstract from it was Five minutes later I was what appeared to be a hypercube stretched out, staring into the most seen face on. "Had breakfast, beautiful eyes in any world and bon?'' listening to her beloved voice "I fast this morning." speak softly in a language strange "You're skinny now. Is that a to me- tesseract?'' "Stop itl" XIV Then she pushed back her hair, looked up, and smiled ruefully. RuFO WAS SHAKING MY SHOUL· "I'm sorry, darling. The witch is a der. "Breakfast, Bossi" He shoved a bitch, that's certain. But please sandwich into my hand and a pot don't look over my shoulder. I'm of beer into the other. "That's having to do this by memory; I enough to fight on and lunch is lost my books in the marsh-and packed. I've laid out fresh clothes it's difficult. And no questions and your weapons and I'll dress now, please, please. You might you as soon as you finish. But snap shake my confidence-and I must it up. We're on in a few minutes." be utterly confident." He was already dressed and belted. I made a leg. "Your pardon, I yawned and took a bite of milady." sandwich (anchovies, ham and ma­ "Don't be formal with me, dar­ yonnaise, with something that was­ ling. Love me anyhow and give me n't quite tomato and lettuce)­ a quick kiss-then let me be." and looked around. The place be- So I leaned over and gave her a 100 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION high caloric kiss, with mayon­ gy, eyes shining, and face flushed, naise, and- let her be. I dressed and I was sorry to tum my back. while I finished the sandwich and "Ready, my gallants?" she de­ beer, then sought out a natural al­ manded, excitement in her voice. cove just short of the wards in the "Ready," I confirmed. passage, one which had been desig­ "Ave, Imperatrix, nos morituri nated the men's room. When I te-" came back Rufo was waiting with "Stop that, Rufo! Silence!" She my sword belt. "Boss, you'd be late began to chant in a language un­ for your own hanging." known to me. The back of my neck "I hope so." prickled. A few moments later we were She stopped, squeezed our hands standing on that diagram, Star on much harder, and shouted, "No1V!" pitcher's mound with Rufo and myself at first and third bases. He Sudden as a slammed door, I and I were much hung about, my­ find I'm a Booth Tarkington hero self with two canteens and Star's in a Mickey Spillane situation. sword belt (on its last notch) as I don't have time to moan. well as my own, Rufo with Star's Here is this thing in front of me, bow slung and with two quivers, about to chop me down, so I run plus her medic's kit and lunch. We my blade through his guts and each had longbow strung and yank it free while he makes up his tucked under left arm; we each had mind which way to fall; then I dose drawn sword. Star's tights were his buddy the same way. Another under my belt behind in an untidy one is squatting and trying to get tail, her jacket was crumpled un­ a shot at my legs past the legs of der Rufo's belt, while her buskins his squad mates. I'm as busy as a and hat were crammed into pock­ one-armed beaver with paper hang­ ets-etc. We looked like a rum­ ers and hardly notice a yank at mage sale. my belt as Star recovers her sword. But this did leave Rufo's left Then I do notice as she kills the hand and mine free. We faced hostile who wants to shoot me. outward with swords at ready, Star is everywhere at once, naked reached behind us and Star clasped as a frog and twice as lively. There us each firmly by hand. She stood was a dropped-elevator sensation in the exact center, feet apart and at transition, and suddenly re­ planted solidly and was wearing duced gravitation could have been that required professionally of bothersome had we time to in­ witches when engaged in heavy dulge it. work, i.e., not even a bobby pin. Star makes use of it. After stab­ She looked magnificent, hair shag- bing the laddie who tries to shoot GLORY ROAD 101 me, she sails over my head and the -no windage, no elevation." head of a new nuisance, poking And no recoil, as I found when him in the neck as she passes and I tracked one· of the running fig­ he isn't a nuisance any longer. ures with the sights and pressed I think she helps Rufo, but I the stud. There was a spurt of can't stop to look. I hear his grunts smoke and down be went. "Death behind me and that tells me that he ray," or Laser beam, or whatever­ is still handing out more than he's line it up, press the stud, and any­ catching. one on the far end quit the party Suddenly he yells, "Down I" and with a hole burned in him. something hits the back of my I got a couple more, working knees and I go down_:_ land prop­ right to left, and by then Rufo had erly limp and am about to roll to done me out of targets. Nothing my feet when I realize Rufo is the moved, so far as I could see, any­ cause. He is belly down by me and where. shooting what has to be a gun at a Rufo looked around. "Better moving target out across the plain, ltay down, Boss." He rolled to Star, himself behind the dead body of opened her medic's kit ~t his own one of our playmates. belt, and put a rough and hasty Star is down, too, but not fight­ compress on her arin. ing. Something has poked a hole Then he turned to me. "How through her right arm between el­ bad are you burt, Boss?" bow and shoulder. "Me? Not a scratch." "What's that on your tunic? Nothing else seemed to be alive Ketchup? Someday somebody is around me, but there were targets going to offer you a pinch of snuff. four to five hundred feet away and Let's see it." Opening rapidly. I saw one fall, I let him open my jacket. Some­ heard Zzzzt, smelled burning body, using a sawtooth edge, had flesh near me. One of those guns opened a hole in me on my left side was lying across a body to my left; below the ribs. I had not noticed it I grabbed it and tried to figure it and hadn't felt it-until I saw it out. There was a shoulder brace and then it hurt and I felt queasy. and a tube which should be a bar­ I strongly disappr~ve of violence rel; nothing else looked familiar. done to me. While Rufo dressed it, "Like this, my Hero." Star I looked around to avoid looking at squirmed to me, dragging her it. wounded arm and leaving a trail of We had killed about a dozen of blood. "Place it like a rifle and them right around us, plus maybe sight it so. There is a stud under half that many who bad fled-and your left thumb. Press it. That's all had shot all who fled, I think. 102 FANTASY AND SCIENCE I'ICTIO!\ How? How can a 60-lb. dog armed Star squirmed into her tights and only with teeth take on, knock put on her buskins. "Is it all right down, and bold prisoner an armed for me to sit up to get into my man? Ans: By all-out attack. jacket?" she asked. I think we arrived as they were "No," I said. "Maybe they'll changing the guard at that spot think we're dead." Rufo and I known to be a Gate-and had we helped her finish dressing without arrived even with swords sheathed any of us rising up above the bar­ we would have been cut down. As ricade of flesh. I'm sure we hurt her it was, we killed a slew before arm but all she said was, "Sling my most of them knew a fight was on. sword left-handed. What now, They were routed, demoralized, Oscar?" and we slaughtered the rest, in­ ''Where are the garters?" cluding those who tried to bug out. "Got 'em. But I'm not sure they Karate and many serious forms of will work. This is a very odd combat (boxing isn't serious, nor place." anything with rules)-all these "Confidence," I told her. "That's work that same way: go-for·broke, what you told me a few minutes all~ut attack with no wind up. ago. Put your little mind to work These are not so much skills as an believing you can do it." We attitude. ranged ourselves and our plunder, I had time to· examine our late now enhanced by three "rifles" plus foes; one was faced toward me sidearms of the same sort, then with his belly o~n. "Iglis" I laid out the oaken arrow for the top would call them, but of the econ· of the Mile-High Tower. It domi­ omy model. No beauty and no belly nated one whole side of the scene, buttons and not much brain-pre· more a mountain than a building, sumably constructed to do one black and monstrous. thing: fight, and try to stay alive. "Ready?" asked Star. "Now you Which describes us, too-but we two believe, too!" She scrawled did it faster. with her finger in the sand. "Go!" Looking at them upset my stom· We went. Once in the air, I ach, so I looked at the sky. No im­ realized what a naked target we provement-it wasn't decent sky were-but we were a target on the and wouldn't come into focus. It ground, too, for anyone up on that crawled and the colors were tower, and worse if we had hoofed wrong, as jarring as some abstract it. "Faster!" I yelled in Star's ear. paintings. I looked back at our vic· "Make us go faster!" tims, who seemed almost whol~ We did. Air shrilled past our some compared with that "sky." ears and we bucked and dipped While Rufo was doctoring me, and sideslipped as we passed over GLORY ROAD 103 those gravitational changes Star said. "Forget it. No importance." had warned me about-and per­ Whereupon my chest really hurt haps that saved us; we made an and I moaned, too. evasive target. However, if we got We were dumped on top of the all of that guard party, it was pOS'­ Tower right after that; Star barely sible that no one in the Tower got out "Amechl" in time to keep knew we had arrived. us from zooming past. The ground below was grey­ The top was flat, seemed to be black desert surrounded by a moun-. black glass, was about two hun­ tain ringwall like a lunar crater dred yards square-and there was­ and the Tower filled the place of a n't a fiddlewinking thing to fasten central peak. I risked another look a line to. I had counted on at least at the sky and tried to figure it out. a ventilator stack. No sun. No stars. No black sky nor The Egg of the Phoenix was blue-light came from all over about a hundred yards straight and the "sky" was ribbons and boil­ down. I had had two plans in ing shapes and shadow holes of all mind if we ever reached the Tow­ colors. er. There were three openings (out "What in God's name kind ~f of hun!;Ireds) which led to true planet is this?" I demanded. paths to the Egg-and to the Nev­ "It's not a planet," she yelled er-Born, the Eater of Souls, the back. "It's a place, in a different M.P. guarding it. One was at sort of universe. It's not fit to live ground level and I never consid­ ln." ered it. A second was a couple of "Somebody lives here." I indi­ hundred feet off the ground and I cated the Tower. had given that serious thought: "No, no, nobody lives here. loose an arrow with a messenger That was built just to guard the line so that the line passed over any Egg." projection above that hole; use that The monstrousness of that idea to get the strong line up, then go didn't soak In right then. I sud­ up the line-no trick for_ any denly recalled that we didn't dare crack Alpinist, which I wasn't but eat or drink here-and started Rufowas. wondering how we could breathe But the great Tower turned out the air if the chemistry was that to have no projections, real mod­ poisonous. My chest felt tight and ern simplicity of design-carried started to bum. So I asked Star and too far. Rufo moaned. (He rated a moan The third plan was, if we could or two; he hadn't thrown up. I reach the top, to let ourselves down don't think he had.) by a line to the third non-fake en­ "Oh, at least twelve hours," she trance, almost on level with the 104 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTIO~ Egg. So here we were, all set-and der if Aaron's Rod would help?" no place to hitch. "Sure, if it was stuck in the top Second thoughts are wonderful of this overgrown ping-pong table: thoughts-why hadn't I had Star What's Aaron's Rod?" drive us straight into that hole in 'It makes stiff things limp and the wall? limp things stiff. No, no, not that. Well, it would take very fine Well, that, too, but what I mean is sighting of that silly arrow; we to lay this line across the roof with might hit the wrong pigeon hole. about ten feet hanging over the far But the important reason was that side. Then make that end and the I hadn't thought of it. crossing part of the line steel hard Star was sitting and nursing her -sort of a hook." wounded arm. I said, "Honey, can "Can you do it?" you fly us, slow and easy, down a "I don't know. It's from The couple of setbacks and into that Key of Solomon and it's an incan­ hole we want?" tation. It depends on whether I She looked up with drawn face. can remember it-and on whether "No." such things work in this universe." "Well. Too bad." "Confidence, confidence!" "I hate to tell you-but I burned "I can't even think how it starts. out the garters on that speed run. Darling, can you hypnotize? Rufo They won't be any good until I can can't-or at least not me." recharge them. Not things I can "I don't know a thing about it." get here. Green mugwort, blood of "Do just the way I do with you a hare-things like that." for a language lesson. Look me in "Boss," said Rufo, "how about the eye, talk softly, ani tell me to using the whole top of the Tower remember the words. Perhaps you as a hitching post?" had better lay out the line first.'' "How do you mean?" We did so and I used a hundred "\Ve've got lots of line." feet instead of ten for the bill of the It was a workable notion­ hook, on the more-is-better princi­ walk the line around the top while ple. Star lay back and I started somebody else held the bitter end, talking to her, softly (and without then tie it and go down what hung conviction) but over and over over. We did it-and finished up again. with only a hundred feet too little Star closed her eyes and ap­ of line out of a thousand yards. peared to sleep. Suddenly she start­ Star watched us. When I was ed to mumble in tongues. forced to admit that a hundred "Hey, Boss! Damn thing is hard feet short was as bad as no line at as rock and stiff as a life sen­ a11, she said thoughtfully, "I won- tence!" GLO.RY .ROAD 105 I told Star to wake up and we "Certainly, milord." slid down to the setback below as "You stay ten feet behind me fast as we could, praying that it and shoot anything that moves. wouldn't go limp on us. We didn't Rufo, you follow Star, bow ready shift the line; I simply had Star and an arrow nocked. Try for any­ cause more of it to starch up, then thing you see. Sling one of those I went on down, made certain that guns-make a sling out of a bit of I had the right opening, three rows line." I frowned. "We'll have to down and fourteen over, then Star abandon most of this. Star, you slid down and I caught her in my can't bend a bow, so leave it be­ arms; Rufo lowered the baggage, hind, pretty as it is, and your weapons mostly, and followed. We quiver. Rufo can sling my quiver were in the Tower and had been with his; we use the same arrows. I on the planet-correction: the hate to abandon my bow, it suits "place"-we had been in the pl~ me so. But I must. Damn." called Karth-Hokesh not more than "I'll carry it, my Hero." forty minutes. ''No, any clutter we can't use I stopped, got the building must be junked." I unhooked my matched in my mind with the canteen, drank deeply, passed it sketch block map, fixed· the direc­ over. ''You two finish it and throw tion and location of the Egg, and it away." the true "red line" route to it. While Rufo drank, Star slung Okay, go on in a few hundred my bow. "Milord husband? It yards, snag the Egg of the Phoenix weighs nothing this way and does­ and go/ My chest stopped hurting. n't hamper my shooting arm. So?" XV 'Well-If it gets in your way, cut the string and forget it. Now "Boss," SAID RUFO, "LOOK OUT drink your fill and we go." I peered over the plain." down the corridor we were in­ "At what?" fifteen feet wide and the same "At nothing," he answered. high, lighted from nowhere, and "Those bodies are gone. You sure curving away to the right, which as hell ought to be able to see matched the picture in my mind. them, against black sand and not - "Ready? Stay closed up. If we even a bush to break the view." can't slice it, shoot it, or shaft it, I didn't look. "That's the moose's we'll salute it." I drew sword and problem, damn itl We've got work we set out, quick march. to do. Star, can you shoot left­ Why my sword, rather than one handed? One of these pistol of those "death ray" guns? Star was things?" carrying one of those and knew l()(J FANTASY AND SCIEl'CE FICTION more about one than I did. I didn't to be reloaded, is always ready. Its even know how to tell if one was worst shortcoming is that it takes charged, nor had I judgment in great skill and patient, loving prac­ how long to press the button. She tice to gain that skill; it can't be could shoot, her bowmanship taught to raw recruits in weeks, nor proved that, and she was at least as even months. cool in a fight as Rufo or myseH. But most of all (and this was I had disposed weapons and the real reason) to grasp the Lady troops as well as I knew how. Vivamus and feel her eagerness to Rufo, behind with a stock of ar­ bite gave me courage in a spot rows, could use them if needed and where I was scared spitless. his position gave him time to shift They (whoever "they" were) to either sword or Buck-Rogers could shoot us from ambush, gas "rifle" if his judgment said to­ us, bobbytrap us, many things. But and I didn't need to advise him; he they could do those things even if would. I carried one of those strange guns. So I was backed up by long­ Sword in hand, I was relaxed and range weapons ancient and ultra­ unafraid-and that made my tiny modern in the hands of people who "command" more nearly safe. If a knew how to use them and temper­ C.O. needs to carry a rabbit's foot, ament to match-the latter being he should-and the grip of that the more important. (Do you know sweet sword was bigger medicine how many men in a platoon ac­ than all the rabbits' feet in Kansas. tually shoot in combat? Maybe six. More likely three. The rest freeze The corridor stretched ahead, no up.) break, no sound, no threat. Soon Still, why didn't I sheathe my the opening to the outside could no sword and carry one of those won­ longer be seen. The great Tower der weapons? felt empty but not dead; it was A properly balanced sword is alive the way a museum is alive at the most versatile weapon for close night, with crowding presence and quarters ever devised. Pistols and ancient evil. I gripped my sword guns are all offense, no defense; tightly, then consciously relaxed close on him fast and a man with and flexed my fingers. a gun can't shoot, he has to stop you We came to a sharp left turn. I before you reach him. Close on a stopped short. "Star, this wasn't on man carrying a blade and you'll your sketch." be spitted like a roast pigeon-un­ She didn't answer. I persisted, less you have a blade and can use "Well, it wasn't. Was it?" it better than he can. "I am not sure, milord." A sword never jams, never has "\Veil, 1 am. Hmm-" GLORY ROAD 107 "Boss," said Rufo, "are you dead They placed themselves, Rufo sure we entered by the right pigeon "eyes ahead" and Star where she hole?" could see both ways, at the right ''I'm certain. I may be wrong but angle bend. I went back into the I'm not uncertain-and if I'm first reach of corridor, then re­ wrong, we're dead pigeons any­ turned. Just short of the bend I how. Mmm-Rufo, take your bow, closed my eyes and kept on. put your hat on it, stick it out I stopped after another dozen where a man would look around steps and opened my eyes. "That that corner if he was standing­ proves it," I said to Rufo. and time it as I do look out, but "Proves what?" lower down." I got on my belly. "There isn't any bend in the "Ready ... now!" I sneaked corridor." I pointed to the bend. a look six inches above the floor Rufo looked worried. "Boss, how while Rufo tried to draw fire. do you feel?" He tried to touch my Nothing in sight, just bare cor­ cheek. ridor, straight now. I pulled back. "I'm not feverish. "Okay, follow me!" We hurried Come with me, both of you." I led around the comer. them back around that right angle I stopped after a few paces. some fifty feet and stopped. "Rufo, "What the hell?" loose an arrow at that wall ahead of "Something wrong, Boss?" us at the bend. Lob it so that it "Plenty." I turned and sniffed. hits the wall about ten feet up." "Wrong as can be. The Egg is up Rufo sighed but did so. The ar­ that way," I said, pointing, "maybe row rose true, disappeared in the two hundred yards-by the sketch wall. Rufo shrugged. "Must be block map." pretty soft up there. You've lost us "Is that bad?" an arrow, Boss." ''I'm not sure. Because it was "Maybe. Places and follow me." that same direction and angle, off We took that comer again and on the left, before we turned that here was the spent arrow on the corner. So now it ought to be on floor somewhat farther along than the right." the distance from loosing to bend. Rufo said, "Look, Boss, why I let Rufo pick it up; he looked don't we just follow the passage­ closely at the Doral chop by the ways you memorized? Yoy may not fletching, returned it to quiver. He remember every little-" said nothing. We kept going. "Shut up. Watch ahead, down We came to a place where steps the corridor. Star, stand there in led downward-but where the the corner and watch me. I'm go­ sketch in my head called for steps ing to trv something." leading up. "Mind the first step," 108 FANTASY AND SCIE:-;C£ FICTION I called back. "Feel for it and twisted again as we hit bottom and don't fall." dumped us from ceiling to floor. The steps felt normal, four steps With both eyes peeled I helped leading downward-with the ex­ Rufo gather up arrows and off we ception that my bump of direction set again. We were getting close to told me that we were climbing, the lair of the Never-Born­ and -our destination changed angle and the Egg. and distance accordingly. I closed Passageways began to be nar­ my eyes for a quick test and found row and rocky, the false twists that I was indeed climbing, only tight and hard to negotiate-the my eyes were deceived. It was like the light began to fail. one of those "crooked houses" in That wasn't the worst. I'm not amusement parks, in which- a '1ev­ afraid of dark nor of tight places; el" floor is anything but level­ it takes a department store elevator like that but cubed. on Dollar Day to give me claustro­ I quit questioning the accuracy phobia. But I began to hear rats. of Star's sketch and tracked its Rats, lots of rats, running and trace in my head regardless of squeaking in the walls around us, what my eyes told me. When the under us, over us. I started to passageway branched four ways sweat and was sorry I had taken while my memory showed only a that big drink of water. Darkness simple branching, one being a and closeness got worst, until we dead end, I unhesitatingly closed were crawling through a rough my eyes and followed my nose­ tunnel in rock, then inching along and the Egg stayed where it should on our bellies in total darkness as stay, in my mind. if tunneling out of Chateau d'If But the Egg did not necessarily • . . and rats brushed past us get closer with each twist and tum now, squeaking and chittering. save in the sense that a straight No, I didn't scream. Star was line is not the shortest distance be­ behind me and she didn't scream tween two points-is it ever? The and she didn't complain about her path was as twisted as guts in a wounded arm-so I couldn't belly; the architect had used a scream. She patted me on the foot pretzel for a straight edge. Worse each time she inched forward, to yet, another time when we were tell me that she was all right and to climbing "up" stairs-at a piece report that Rufo was okay, too. We level by the sketch-a gravitational didn't waste strength on talk. anomaly caught us with a full tum I saw a faint something, two and we were suddenly sliding ghosts of light ahead, and stopped down the ceiling. and stared and blinked and stared No harm done save that it again. Then I whispered to Star, GLORY RO:\D 109 "I see something. Stay put, while lives in city dumps and sometimes I move up and see what it is. Hear gnaws babies, but a giant rat, big me?" enough to block that rat hole but "Yes, milord Hero." enough smaller than I am to have "Tell Rufo." room to maneuver in attacking me Then I did the only really brave -room I didn't have at all. The thing I have ever done in my life: best I could do was to wriggle for­ I inched forward. Bravery is going ward with my sword in front of me on anyhow when you are so terri­ and try to keep the point aimed so fied your sphincters won't hold and that I would catch him with it, you can't breathe and your heart make him eat steel-because if he threatens to stop, and that is an dodged past that point I would exact description for that moment have nothing but bare hands and of E. C. Gordon, ex-PFC and hero no room to use them. He would be by trade. I was fairly certain what at my face. those two faint lights were and I gulped sour vomit and inched the closer I got the more certain I forward. His eyes seemed to drop a was-I could smell the damned little as if he were crouching to thing and place its outlines. charge. A rat. Not the common rat that (to be concluded next month)

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LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE, Patrick large measure speculating on the Moore and Francis Jackson, color of bulls on an unknown is­ Norton, $3.95 land-assuming there be bulls on the island-assuming the island In order to produce an address exists. The "observable universe," on Chinese Metaphysics, the per­ the authors tell us, contains suns son in Picktvick Papers read the to the number of 100,000 million encyclopedia on China and on times 1000 million: ". . . it is Metaphysics, and combined them. surely the height of conceit to sup­ Rather more logical is the col­ pose that our Sun is unique in be­ laboration of two British scien­ ing attended by an inhabited tists-Jackson, a bacteriologist; planet." They call it conceit; and Moore, as astronomer-to some would call it optimism. This discuss the question, perhaps the is a scientific-type science book, Question in SF, of Life on Other devoid alike of popularized sen­ Planets. So-off we go on Life, sationalism and lively prose. Most off we go on Planets. The latter is interesting to me were two find­ easier, it seems, of definition. ings by USSR people: astronom­ There is some danger of a round­ er KozJTev "observed an outbreak about: whether Something-but in the large [lunar] crater AI­ 1vhat, we do not know-may exist phonsus and [took] spectograms in another place-but tvhere, we which revealed gaseous emission. do not know. Does it all boil down There can be no doubt as to the to the matter of the Primal Soup? reality of this disturbance[. . . ] If "life" on earth was touched off The balance of evidence now in­ by a shot of electricity, if similar dicates that the Moon is not com­ ingredients cooked (or are now pletely inert." And astrobotanist cooking) elsewhere-if "life" de­ Tikhov compared "the spectra of veloped (or is developing) ac­ sub-Arctic and high Alpine CQrding to inevitable laws need­ plants" with the spectrum of the ing no such "fortuitous concourse Martian dark areas and found "a of the atoms" as old Huxley spoke close similaritv." Hmm. Venus? of-Until we know, we are in "If . . . there is a good deal of 110 BOOKS 111 oxygen • • • many-celled organ­ Rice Burroughs, the chief reason isms, and even animal life of a being that his estate allowed copy­ sort may exist." If. May. "Exobi­ right on many of .his earlier books ology" seems drawn to the hypo­ to lapse, in Consequence of which thesis of "biopoesis" -which seems they passed into the public do­ to be abiogenesis, moved to the main-in consequence of which, remote past or distant planets, several publishers are busily issu­ where proof or disproof is equally ing the same. Why the estate com­ impossible. A valuable conjecture mitted this blooper, although of made by Jackson/Moore is one of interest to me, is not known to time sequence:Given multitudes me. The books had been out of of planets all "working" with life print for years and were fetching (or, "life"), what are the chances big prices on the free, or second­ that they started at the same time hand, market. I select for review or went at the same rate? Pre­ the three named above simply be­ cious damn few-and, thus, so cause they are the only ones sent are and so must be the chances of IDe. our finding a fellow-civilization It has been said-correctly, I elsewhere in the universe. For the think-that Burroughs was a time being and then some, one school of writing all to himself. will have to make do with lichens His works undoubtedly owe much on Mars. "We shall have to leave to Rider Haggard, but, unlike unanswered,'' the authors say, Haggard, he had never been in "the problem of the origin of the Africa: hence his mind was un­ universe, a subject on which our encumbered with facts, and his ignorance is complete." Being vision unclouded by experience. free, I abide not their question, None of these three are Tarzan and conclude with the words of books (I should guess they ante­ another Briton: "The very stars date them; Canaveral Press does­ sing, as they shine,/ 'The hand n't give the dates, unfortunately); that made us is divine.' " however, as nearly as I can recall over the quarter-century since I THE MOON MEN, THE MONSTER MEN, last delved for jewels in Opar, A FIGHTING MAN OF MARS, Ed­ they have a number of things in gar Rice Burroughs, Canaveral common with them: such as a Press, $2.75 style lush and old-fashioned and at times almost unbearably clum­ It may have escaped the atten­ sy, a rich inventiveness-less so tion of a few six-year-old children in THE MONSTER MEN, which is that there has been a great revival merely Frankenstein set in Borneo of interest in the works of Edgar -and a galloping narrative 112 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION whose action never flags. THB ly-written-account of Superior MOON MEN deals with the Moon­ Alien Posing As Earthman. The ish conquerors' takeover of Earth ending is a poignant surprise. and the generations-long attempt Too bad less worked-over motif to overthrow them. A FIGHTING wasn't selected. Maybe next time, MAN OF MARS is the story of the Mr.T.? poor but gallant Tan Hadron of Hastor, Padwar in the 9lst Umak, WHALEs, E. J. Slijper, Basic Books, and his adventurous quest for the $12.00. lovely and naughty Sanoma Tora, daughter of Tor Hatan, his rich The subtitle of this beautiful and cowardly Otan-or C. 0., to book, well and copiously illus­ drop the gobbeldygook. The books trated is The Biology of the are doubly interesting for the cov­ Cetaceans. If Arthur C. Clarke's ers and illustrations of Mahlon prediction (in The Deep Range) Blaine, admittedly not to all comes true, that mankind in the tastes, but the same can be said for future will "farm" whales, it will the J. Allen St. John Ulustrations be because of men like Slijper­ of the original Burroughs books. as well as men like Clarke. No cut Blaine is very stylized, but his and dried text is this, though drawings may one day be more abundantly supplied with charts valuable than the texts. and figures; it is also full of fas­ I lack the space or equipment cination for the layman. Whales for a critical essay o~ E.R.B., but -and other cetaceans such as no one should fail to have read dolphins-are pretty damned fas­ him, warts and all. Hark! Is that cinating. May I pluck you a few the angry squeal of a thoat? -or plums from this rich pudding? the cry of a hunting banth in the Whaling has been practiced at hUls? Slave, my harness and my least 4000 years. The age of a sword! whale can be told by the wax­ plugs in its "ears." The grimly THE MAN WHO FELL ro EARTH, Wal· glamorous "Greenland whaling" tel' Tevis, Gold Medal, 40¢ of the past was actually done off "East Greenland," or Spitzbergen, This doesn't live up to the which isn't Greenland at all. The promise of Mr. Tevis's brilliant testes of whales are located behind story about the boy and the whale their kidneys; those of the blue (FAR FROM HOME, F&SF, Dec. whale are 2 ¥.a feet long and may 1958), but, then, few books weigh I 00 lbs. "Whales are proba­ could. For most of its length it is bly among the healthiest of living a familiar-thou8h a competent- creatures;" they "live under opti- BOOKS 113 mum biological conditions, i.e. When Species A is -protected, they are not seriously threatened whalers kill more of Species B­ by enemies [except Man], by par­ which eventually needs protec­ asites, by serious diseases, or by tion, too. Whales may be on the climactic effect, and . . . they way out, anyway, even if the har­ have adequate supplies of food." poons don't exterminate them: Still, they don't live as long as leg­ Baleen whales have been growing end says. They are attacked by much larger, and "we know from swordfish-as legend says. The the entire history of the animal Great Yankee Sparm Whale Boom kingdom that the emergence of was over by 1860, but New Bed­ giant forms is a certain sign of the ford gamely kept at it till 1925. approaching end." And the pilot Sexually-in anatomy and habit whale or dolphin, Pelorus Jack, -whales are closer to bulls, rams, did actually guide ships through stags and billy-goats than to other Frenchman's Pass in New Zealand animals. Their young must be every day for 3 2 years until (de­ alert and capable from the instant spite a special government order) of birth, else they would drown. he was shot at-and vanished for­ Whales' milk is sometimes pink! ever from the eyes of man. and tastes like "fish, liver, Milk of Magnesia, and oil"; it is not ex­ YOU WILL NEVER BE TilE SAME, pected to find its way onto the Cordwainer Smith, Regency, market immediately. Commer­ 50¢ cially, cetaceans supply great quantities of food, could supply A collection of eight stories by more if processing was less waste­ a well-known SF writer, one of ful. Whalers instead just try to which (Alpha Ralpha Boulevard) kill more whales. Norway wants appeared here, the others in other whaling reduced, Japan and Rus­ SF magazines. Despite a mysteri­ sia are extending it. The Atlantic ous note from the publishers. grey whale is extinct, the Green­ "Cordwainer Smith" is not a pseu­ land almost so, the Pacific grey donym of Robert Silverberg. whale is making a comeback. -Avram Davidson

Two new novelets by ALFRED BESTER and ZENNA. HENDERSON will be featured in our 14TH ANNIVERSARY ALL STAR ISSUE. WATCH FOR OUR OCTOBER ISS.UE -ON SALE AUGUST 29. It has been too long since TP Cara­ van's funny, clever prose appeared here, and we are happy to say that there is M 0 0°R0 E 0 yet to come. Whee! Read on.

THE CENSORS: A SAD ALLEGORY

By TP Caravan

IT WAS DONE! IT WAS DONE! rum down a convenient rat hole. Eight drops of green liquid glittered "Let that be a lesson to you," in the test tube. It was Professor they told him. Mangus' life work: he had spent "But why! Why I Now the secret sixty-three years distilling those of immortality is lost forever." eight drops. They stared at him coldly. "Im­ His voice was quivering with ex­ mortality? You must speak more citement as he called the Boston clearly. \Ve understood you to say Evening Purist. "Tell your science immorality." editor," he croaked, "that I have They walked out, closing the created a serum that will· create door behind them. immortality. Immortality for the And that is the end of this story. \vorld!" Soon three small men, all dressed in grey, entered his laboratory. One of them knocked the professor down and sat on him. One of them But down in the rat hole there tore up the only copy of the for­ lived a rat. A story about him would mula. One of them poured the se- be a long story. Very long. 114 Originally, we were going to make some reference to Tiresias in prefacing this story, but there have been complaints about too much esoteric razzmatazz in these introductions. Also, we don't know if the author intended any such aUusion (not that this has stopped us before or wiU again). So instead we refer you to your encyclopedia-but only after you have read the story. The author lives in Los Angeles, has a nice beard, has appeared often in the slicks and paperbacks, and is the husband of the beautiful Trina, one of the lovelier photographic models of our time. Paul Jay Robbins says of himself: "I've straddled the literary line with one foot wearing the open-toe sock of Beat_ poet and the other foot editorially and dissolutely planted in the pumpkin pie of six girlie books. Am now concerned with trying to reach a less negative and esoteric audience than the Beat and a more perceptive and mature one than girlie book readers . . . I am twenty-six, have held the traditional diversity and multiplicity of ;obs, have steadily written through them. I am in love with my wife and my cat, I de_test advertising and armies, I am wondering about our national idiocy and what I am going to write next." What he has written about here is a hen-pecked man who tried using the rules of another system to beat this one. You know the kind.

SWEETS TO THE, SWEET

by Paul Jay Robbins

HowARD jACOBS COULD EASILY build, manner, and significance. have been just another blob of In the final word, average. fodder in the disinterested jaws of Except for his hobby. his times. He was middle-aged, Most men like Howard have a -classed, and -plump, wedged se- hobby-a cursory attack against curely between the bulwarks of their human situation. Some col­ corporate structures, centered in lect things in orderly piles and the «;ros'S-hairs of countless time pages: stamps, rocks, coins, worn­ plans. In a word, wispy; a wispy en. This compulsion deters, for a 115 116 FANTASY AND SCIE!\CE FICTIO:'\ time, the consideration of their in­ would flow upstream in whichever securities. car his block's pool had come Other men make things: book­ around to that week. He wou]d shelf sarcophagi for unread Club rub shoulders with five fellow selections, doggies and horsies synonyms, passing commuter con­ carved from soap, planes too deli­ versation around like a tray of cate to fly, women too distasteful crackers. He would enter his un­ to keep. This sort proudly flaunt bought house, an aseptic chunk of their products at their occasional suburban similarity with but a haunts of waste and loss, and number to separate it from his hope for the best. neighbors', and answer his wife's Yet another sort jogs off to the pucker with a peck. country during seasonal week­ He had steadily done this, give ends, jolly and juiced, to blast the or take a number or a peck, for bejeezus out of rabbits or ducks. fifteen .years. His grooved partici­ Or women. This sort double-bar­ pation in society, aside from his rels his frustration into the easy avocation, was unruffied and obli­ calm of Nature, giving her what­ vious. His only other impropriety for, so-what, and other such virile was his attitude towards his wife. retorts-while Nature, being tol­ Men like Howard usually re­ erant, waits. gard their marital lot with the You know-~ bustling civiliza­ same sort of automatism which tion, no time for reveries or the habituates them to a particular nonsense of dissimilitude, march­ brand of cigaret-their allegi­ ing crisply and materially forward ances are uninspired, unexam­ . . . you know the kind. ined, and unimportant. Howard, However, Howard's hobby was also, had been dutifully perfunc­ Something Else. tory-for the first nine years of Although it was the obvious de­ his marriage. It was then that Vic­ nominator of all avocations and toria, a chronically neurotic Sia­ their intentions, his tight-collar mese cat, had arrived. confreres would have stood in It had been six years ago. How­ stuttered aghast if they'd known of ard had returned from work to it. For he indulged, intensely and find Vivian crouched over her in perversely, on the sly and the q.t. the kitchen, effusing endearments and Sundays, in the Dark Art. and warmth. Howard had watched Magick. Howard Jacobs was a silently, feeling a trickle of jeal­ part-time warlock. ousy. Already a milk-bowl and Beyond this, he was commend­ terry-cloth bed had been installed. ably proper. After a desperate and He coughed. desultory day at the Office, he "He1Jo, dear," Vivian cast over SWEETS TO THE SWEET 117 one shoulder. "This is Victoria. wanted. He brought this up, but Victoria, that's Howard." Victoria Vivian didn't see how it applied scowled cross~eyed at Howard to a free kitty. The beady dun­ with a rigid reserve and aloofly re­ and-black cat had come to stay. sumed licking a flexed paw. Howard retreated from the field As Vivian burbled out her tale to the sound of Victoria lapping of discovery and instant attrac­ up half-and-half, and defiantly tion, and as Victoria unblinkingly sulked. He also fell into a danger­ stared Howard down, he heard a ous introspection. For the first slow drip of rage go splash in his time in nine years, the dyspeptic blood. bubble clinging to the side of his All his life he'd wanted a dog. water-glass life phlegmatically But Mother had waved a hanky of floated up to break into conscious­ alleTgy at the very thought of one. ness. From her, at twenty-eight, he had - Vivian, at thirty-three, had all gone directly to Vivian-who the charm of the Virgin Queen, simply would not allow it in her Howard decided. She was costly house. "But," he broke in, "1-1 in all comers, proper as a pair of don't really like cats, you know. scissors, and as much fun as a And I don't think this one likes kitchen chair. She had · probably me. It's just-weren't we think­ married him· because . • . well, ing about a dog?" he added, lame- because she ... Well, why had ly. he married her? Vivian rose, maternally pa­ Because people get married, tient. "Howard. Honey-bun. You that's all. You meet a girl, your kncrw a dog is out of the question. friends couple you up, she won't They're too mussy, sweety. They sleep with you (or she will), the knock over things and completely word "love" plunks into your vo­ disturb the furniture. But cats cabulary, marriage naturally in­ . . . Well, cats are so nice," she sinuates the air and, blooeyl, nine finished, kneeling to assist Vic­ years are gone and you're married, toria's studious toilettry. that's all. Howard wanted a dog, damn it! You come home one evening And if he couldn't have one, he and some dun sneaky cat is hiss­ decidedly wouldn't allow a cat. ing at you-while your chosen So he argued, with an uncom­ mate approvingly pets it. Then fortable conviction of struggle you know you've married a lemon, and failure. It reminded him of a curved ice-cube, a pair of mir­ the silverware which he detested rored contact lenses-and all in and still would not use. $215 for one. a gaudy ensemble he had never You know the kind. 118 fANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Howard sulked, but not being curiously firm. So sensing a the stuff of which Gauguins are strange strength in her mate, made, his discomfiture gradually she'd allowed him free play-as vaporized and disappeared. Its long as he was quiet and neat residue formed the impetus of his about it. She put his quirk from hobby. her mind and never again referred Occultism had always in­ to it. Neither did Howard. trigued him; such rebel vaguaries Alone and magnificent in his and illogics charmed his secret medievally decorated sanctuary, fancy. The possibility of mys­ Howard was soon intermittently tiques seemed to bolster his hope lighting candles compounded of and guarantee a vague escape unmentionable materials, swing­ from something. So, seeking to ing pieces of bat, chalking off sweeten his bitter pill and to di­ non-Euclidean geometries on the vert his peevery, he had come concrete, and muttering mispro­ across a biography of Alistair nunciations of old French and Crowley. Deliciously exhilarated ancient Latin. by its perverted wealth of vileness He shunned the few invitations and villany, he'd searched out the of friendship and membership of­ "Beast's" book: Magick in Theory fered by people he met at his sup­ and Practice. ply houses and book-stalls. Not From this titillation he'd passed only did he consider them unbal­ to further books-at first only anced fanatics, but he had to flipping to the more lurid pas­ think of his position and commu­ sages, but gradually· slowing to nity standing. Besides, the impli­ absorb everything. Deeper books cations everywhere manifest in had followed, more profound and his researches unnerved him and costly books. He'd shortly discov­ he would rather keep it all rela­ ered a Hollywood bookstore which tively innocuous. After all, it was obliquely handled what he came just a hobby. to recognize as the True Writings. As yet he had done nothing The How-to-do-it scriptures. which he could truly label as pure Unswervingly, if sporadically, Magick. All the stenches and he'd equipped his garage with Bashes in the garage had pro­ paraphanalia garnered and hag­ duced neither soured milk nor gled for from tiny stores with tin­ succubus. But, although he vague­ ier signs and tiniest proprietors. ly looked forward to the latter, Vivian had warmly contested the Howard was happy with but a locked door and secretive doings purple Bash or a particularly stir­ -it was blatant anti-Together­ ring set of incantations. Success ness-but Howard had remained was unnecessary; the mere involve- SWEETS TO THE SWEET 119 ment in this esoteric and power­ teed ( uncommitally) to bestow ful Art carried its own reward. sexuality, happiness, and signifi­ In this, as in all other fields, he cance upon their purchasers. was a wispy participant. That is, Wares, Howard abruptly per­ until later. ceived, which were somehow dan­ The sweet thrill of his exotic gerous in a way subtle and per­ secret would swell his chest in sonal. midst of adversity, raising him The thought rolled on, unpur­ colossally from cipher to sorcerer. sued, and struck Howard's placid­ The succulent knowledge that no ity asunder in a great shock of one had the slightest notion of his loneliness. It hollowed out his bizarre machinations and hereti­ heart and turned him towards cal apparatus, shored up his pride Vivian with a puzzled plea in his and integrity whenever they were eyes. set atremble. As if in answer, Victoria raised So it happened that on a nor­ her sleek head and neurotically mal Tuesday evening he was fully stared at him-or as near to him receptive to the event which as her crossed eyes would permit. would change his life. She stretched guardedly, then set­ tled back into Vivian's lap with The living-room was aflicker an elaborate propriety. This area, with the usual chiaroscuro of eve­ she seemed to say, is resen,ed for ning television. Vivian and Vic­ only me. toria were sedately pQSitioned at Vivian absently stroked her the other end of the couch from close fur, watching the commer­ Howard, and the only sounds cials with the same intensity as which intruded on those from the she watched the film-with the tv were low coughs and discreet same intensity, he suddenly saw, digestive rumbles. A film classic as he read the news and listened was showing-which meant a to the world's affairs, just as if movie which had flopped and be­ his opinions and desires were ac­ come forgotten. This one was a tually worth something in the turgid fantasy involving gothic shaping of the world around him. scientists, gauzy heroines, and It was a frozen time; a tor­ malignant werewolves. mented step up the terrible ladder The station-break had just of realization. Still staring at the roared in, dumping its bucket of grey flickering images of his wife commercials, and Howard was and her cat, he preceived of him­ tolerantly viewing patently im­ self as digested, existing in a possible people demonstrate a traveling coffin, bourne along by frenzy of wares-wares guaran- a multitude of trivia with passive 120 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION lackluster. The startling concept come from any such rationale or banged in his head, stark and logical comprehension. It had frightful. He was a manipulated sounded in the basic fibers of his consumer, a toothless wheel, a being, from the very cells of his bread-winning robot; a plastic blood. counter on an unknown game­ And then, simple as a sunset, board. Howard knew. You know the kind. There could be no mistake. And then the film returned. Both his index fingers were as He had been following it with long as his middle fingers; the bland interest; but now, in the vestigal points of his ears were dim silence of the darkened room, pronounced; his canine teeth churned by his odd unrest, How­ were narrower and longer than ard felt an imperative excitation average. Also, there was the mat­ -as though he were being ter of the silverware-his repug­ nudged, directed towards some­ nance towards it went far beyond thing supremely important that economics . . • He had always wavered just beyond his percep­ loathed silver! And Victoria-she tion. He fidgeted and drummed really did dislike him more than his fingers against his thigh, con­ reason could account for. centrating intently on the screen. No mistake about it, he pas­ The villagers were tracking sionately concluded in tlte dark. down the werewolf, brandishing He was werewolf material-or. torches and screaming for blood; certainly, were-creature material one citizen was foaming at the of some sort. mouth and dragging a cliilling He had learned much of lycan­ length of iron chain. Howard thropy, the metamorphosis of hu­ winced and leaned forward as a mans into animals, as a natural slow fade revealed the werewolf result of his researches. He was scrambling through the forest, long familiar with the classic with hours of moonlight yet be­ symptoms and many of the his­ tween him and safety. His hoarse tories. Werewolves were predomi­ breathing mingled with snare­ nant, but there were also were­ drums and tympani. This could bats, -dogs, -bears, -tigers-he not possibly be a real werewolf, had learned something about all Howard mused. Then shuddered. of these. In fact, he realized, he Of course it couldn't be. Nat­ had always been particularly urally. This was an actor, with drawn to such cases. stickum hair on his face and Yes, it all fit together. His gen­ hands. This was a fictional tele­ eral proclivity for witchcraft, his play. But the knowledge had not physiology, his occasional sense SWEETS TO THE SWEET 121 of superiority and persecution­ His skin would pop out in as if, in another life, he had been coarse fur, his tail would flip out hunted and hounded for his spe­ like a switch-blade, his chest cial abilities. would barrel forth, his clothes For the first time in his medi­ would By off and he would stand ated life, Howard felt individual­ revealed, crouched on all fours. ity and, with it, a sweet inner They would be absolutely silent glow of satisfaction and assur­ for a long moment and only the ance. Now he knew what he was gurgle of his breathing would be -what the meaning of his life heard. Then panic! The shrieks of was. The meaning which society terror and headlong flights would had blurred over and buried un­ stall traffic for miles I der. A society toward which he Howard giggled, then turned it could now articulate his hatred. into a cough as one of the men He relaxed back into the couch glanced side-ways at him . • • and turned to chuckle at Vivian. Bustling towards the cafeteria She didn't notice, but it didn't for lunch, he would sight a partic­ matter. ularly sexy girl striding towards Knowing and doing are two him. He would imagine his spine different functions. Howard was tipping over, his muzzle length­ content just knowing his were­ ening, his very self metamorphos­ ness. In this he remained the izing into a gigantic shag of pure same Howard Jacobs he had been werewolf. Imagine the shock in for forty-three years. Perhaps he the girl's eyes; her total notice of leaned a bit more towards pur­ his erect and grizzled· shape; the chases useful to were-creature for­ substantial heave of her solid mulae but, effectively, he merely breasts; the passionate torpor trav­ gloried in reveries . • . eling through her finn thighs and Swaying home one evening in loins as she dizzily spun to the the pool car, he slyly considered sidewalk! He would howl vic­ the five other men sandwiched in toriously, then crouch over her, with him. They had all known Crowley incarnate . • • him for years and, with the grey Obviated behind his desk, for­ familiarity, had come accustomed gotten in corporate expenditures, obliviousness. But did they really he would glance up, knowingly know him? Lost amid them, spurt­ chuckle, and switch, quick as a ing along the congested Freeway, ginger snap. With a beastial Howard dreamily dished up his growl, he'd leap atop his desk to were-shape. He wasn't certain it tear the ledgers board from board. would be a werewolf, but he al­ Wouldn't old Randolph have a ways thought of it that way. fit! Well, let him! 122 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION The chubby manager would Such was the stuff of Howard's run screaming from his office, his dreams; the meat and drink of his face pink and bloated with rage, starved soul and the solace of his his arms flailing. "Jacobs! Stop it passive life. Whenever frustration I say, stop this nonsense, man, or adverse conditions threatened before I-" to topple him, he would drum up And Howard, fangs honed, a violet reverie and speedily dis­ would shred the fat fool's neck be~ solve the powers around him. His fore he could fall . . . reactions, though invisible, le­ Stoically munching at the thally parried against the world. quick-thaw dinner of Vivian, he You know the kind. would narrow his eyes across the Such were his thoughts as he catsup and cunningly study her lay by his wife's side, sleepless in bent head with its souffie of un­ the height of night, two months touchable blond hair. Silently, ef­ after his discovery of his were­ fortlessly, he would shimmer into ness. the snarling beast of terror and He turned to gaze at Vivian's bound onto the table-send her curved and nyloned back. In a precious flatware spinning, spat­ glow quiet, his werewolf's dreams ter the pap on the walls, and ir~ passed away. He became a man repairably gouge the formica fin­ again, lying at the side of his ish of the table. woman. And his heart grew large She would raise her head, her in his chest. mouth half~open. Her eyes would Generally speaking, Vivian drink in the slaver-ing creature preferred weekends. She had aboard her plate . . . Her jaw obliquely informed him many would drop slack and, for once, years ago that it worked out much wordless. That patronizing domi­ better that :way. Weekdays were nance in her eyes would crumble always so demanding. to sick supplication. Then, delib~ This was Wednesday, but erately, he would spring! .•. Howard couldn't wait. His were­ And Victoria. Victoria was a creature's blood had progressively victim kept in special res.erve. For pumped an insistant passion into Victoria there would be front~ him which he no longer could teeth nips and side-meat slashes. stifle. He could no longer brush Less than even a nutrient of blood away the driving thunder in his and flesh, the cross-eyed hisser veins or defer the erotic pitch would be leisurely worried· like a singing along his nerves. He rag doll. Howard hoped, in Vic­ would not. toria's case, the spindly dun sneak He snuggled close and fondly would belatedly die of shock kissed her ear. She did not move. SWEETS TO THF. SWEET 123 He nibbled at it, becoming fur­ you know. If you can't sleep, ther excited by the act, and began there's some Alka-Seltzer in the to widely stroke her flanks. Vivian cabinet." She slipped tightly down twitched, mumbled, coughed, and into the blankets once more. settled the blankets more tightly "There's a good boy," she mum­ around her. bled. Howard paused in the moon­ "But, damn it! You're my wife!' light of the window, momentarily The words were torn from him in uncertain; then bit his lip and a sudden sob of futility. He had encircled her with an arm, softly to evoke her erotic response, a re­ caressing her breast. She was his sponse he now sensed he had wife and he hungered for her, never known. deeply and preternaturally. Her Vivian again sat up. And sud­ body stiffened; she was awake. denly she was no longer desire­ With his arm still around her, able. She was thirty-nine, her he awkwardly tried to pull her to­ breasts sagged dryly and her hair wards him, but her elbow banged was inviolately netted, but that his hip. He tried again. Her body wasn't it. It was the tight line was set solid. Damn it, she was whiting her lips, the indignant his wife! glare of her eyes, the forced pa­ He again bit his lip and low­ tience in the cant of her head. ered his hand, searching boldly "Howard . . . Honey-bun . . . for the mystery of her lap. You know, this is a week night. I "Howard!" Her shocked voice mean, surely all that can wait cut dully into the dark and his until . . . I mean . . ." Her hand froze on her navel. voice, bent on placating, only He tried to form words, then, twisted him. "I-I love you, sweety ." Which He clutched her close. All pas­ was not now untrue, in the prom­ sion was lost, but a grim intention ise of the musk. jerked his muscles. He was caught "Dear," she answered. "Honey-. in an eddy of purpose he could bun. And I love you . . . G'­ not forfeit and his movements night." were mechanical, if aggressive. "But-but I, I love you." He brutally kissed her and her Vivian turned onto her back, body went tense, then limp. She paused, then sat up, looking down did not so much respond as al­ at him for a long moment with a low. When he took his lips from look he could only feel as re­ hers, lost with the urgent heat of monstrative. ''What is wrong with his hands, she sighed. "All right, you, Howard? You've been acting Howard. All rightf But could you so strange for a number of weeks, please brush your teeth first?" 124 FANTASY AND SCIENCE FICTION Howard fell back in the bed. It ture potential laze in mere rev­ felt like someone had pulled a erie ever since he'd first discovered cork from the back of his head. it. True, he had aimed his re­ "Forget it," he managed to say searches more towards lycanthro­ from between clenched teeth. py, but it was only an undirected Apparently she did. For in dabbling. He had amassed a large what must have been just a half­ amount of were-creature formulae hour, he heard her soprano snore and their ingredients, but they from the far side of the bed. were unorganized and untested. Howard tried to think of some­ It had never occurred to Howard thing to do, some way to shake her to attempt an actual metamorpho­ passion until it came bubbling in sis; it had been a consolation, not a sauce from her very eyes. Some a career. lever or key to conjure a spon­ Also, although he felt himself taneous directness of communica­ to be a werewolf, such creatures tion and merge. But there was were primarily sourced in middle nothing to do, he realized; all Europe. Since his ancestry was in buttons had atrophied. She had Southern Russia, where were­ been formed not only by the in­ bears were traditionally reported, nuendo in a thousand ads and Howard was somewhat confused the methods of an entire culture, as to which class of formulae to but by his own routine timidity begin with whenever he did toy and lack of purJx>se. with the notion of experimenta­ If it had been fifteen years ago tion. But now, cloaked in the -maybe even ten-if he had ever mystic darkness of his garage­ hit her, or taken her on a couch laboratory, surrounded by potions or the floor, or in the afternoon. and implements centuries old and But he hadn't. And there was religiously forbidden, he filled nothing to do for her, or with her. with an electric bravery. But to her? The time for games was over. Like a terribly blooming jungle He knew enough of the Dark Bower, his gagging hatred for Art to realize most of the compo­ Vivian and the world blossomed nents in his collection of ingre­ in him, swelled him with its acrid dients were useless. A further por­ bile. Silhouetted against the full tion were only to stimulate sym­ moon hanging in the pale night, pathetic magic-and he knew, in Howard stood by the bed and lis­ his present peak of rage and cour­ tened to his heart, then set out for age, his strength of emotion the garage. would cinch the change and his enchanted chromosomes would Howard had let his were-crea- assure his true form. SWEETS_ TO THE SWEET 125

He moved surely in the dark~ Mter Vivian-the frigid bitch ness, uncorking bottles and com~ -he would raid the whole damn pounding odiferous powders. The city, ripping out the throats of the work went quickly. He utilized emasculated men who had en­ all the formulae, figuring the forced their impotency on him mandatory compounds would be all these years. He would drink incorporated and the needless deeply of the womens' blood, sav­ ones would prove harmless. It was oring the ultinlate conquest of haphazard, but Howard didn't their bodies. The streets would mind. Just so it worked-just so tilt and shimmer with fright and he could strike back with more flight. They would not catch him, than dreams and impotence. though. He had been among them Before he was quite prepared long enough to be wise of their to be prepared, he was. All the methods and ways. He would garage was strewn with broken strike hard, avenging himself of vials and hastily arranged amulets his forfeit life, and vanish into and, by a table, Howard steadied helpless Howard Jacobs at dawn. himself. With a fading shiver of They didn't even believe in ly­ fear, he forced his hand to light the canthropy, and they didn't even freshly hardened candles and the notice his presence. He would be newly compounded incenses. safe. Brave as a maniac, he gulped down His pelvic pan tipped, the jar­ a beaker of vile liquid and raised ring pain of his skeleton reshift­ his arms to the moon and chanted ing in his flesh to accommodate the words which had plunged Dark his new and lethal form rasped Age peasants into paralysis. his nerves. He shook his head in The fumes filled his lungs and dizzy lust and tried to focus began to dab his brain with black through the pungent vapors. He putrescence. He stumbled to the raised a hand to his eyes. It was door, left it ajar, and reeled back furred! Grey, taloned, shrinking to the center of the room, snarling to a pawl moistly and forcing his stomach Muscles he'd never had began to keep down the potions. to flex in dynamic genesis and he He had been flattened and felt the royal surge of a tail. His gutted too long. He had allowed , body buckled but, still painful, he his fom1 to turn to damp clay crouched to the floor, snarling and be shaped by a million un~ under the moonlight shining dim­ known fingers, poking and goug~ ly over the table above him. ing him. Now there would be a His flesh smarted and tortured, magnificent end to it. The time violently kneaded, reshaping to for rewngc had come. fit the bones branching out inside 126 FAXTASY AKD SCIEXCE FICTIOX it. His mind keeled and he knew her hisses came fast and panicky. it was that of an animal. His gul­ Howard gained the couch in let ached with a deep hunger for an awkward leap and stood pant­ a new taste. His heart contracted ing on the cushions, salivating and accelerated. Yes, it had with the tang of success. This worked I initial act of havoc would set his His control of his movements new life in motion, ascend him to was awkward, but he was too im­ his triumphant glory. His hind patient to wait. With increasing legs tensed. agility, he loped through the open And then Victoria leaped at door and aimed for the bedroom him. and the bloody death of Vivian. Howard froze and time slowed. His new sight perceived only He stared into her depthless eyes fuzzy shapes, massive and loom­ as they floated closer and wider, ing in strange perspective,. all in eternally. Reflected in them was grey tones. But his sharpened his new were-shape; the magical­ sense of smell more than made up ly gained distillation of his in­ for his blurred vision, and his ner animal self. Not even Vic­ new form responded with in­ toria's grinning mouth and wet credible reaction time. teeth held as much terror as that He was almost through the liv­ reflected shape. He was ing-room before he smelled Vic­ was a ... a ... toria. The cat smell rankled his His tiny heart fluttered with nose. From a rage of vengeance, final frustration .and the close he suddenly swerve4, skidded on grey fur of his little body trem­ the carpet, and made for that bled; his wispy whiskers twitched, smell. His breath formed liquid his thin tail lashed helplessly. on his snout. First he would kill He could not change from what the cat. he was. Victoria snapped from the floor For the few and agonizing min­ and spat, arced in terror. With a utes it would take for Victoria to rumble, she stiff-stepped back­ kill him-and Howard prayed wards and grappled to the top of they would be few-he would be the couch. Her bristled shape his were-creature. shone brightly in the moonglow, You know the kind. LETTERS versa! truth-the reconciliation of the opposites begets something en­ Thank God you put the Kindly tirely different, or, love makes the Doctor's name back on the cover! I world go round. Love.-Ross converted one of my girl-friends to Wright, Berkeley, Cal. Asimov literature . , , at the moment she's laid low with a disorder of the Thank you. Love.-AD neck and is reading him more fierce· ly than ever. Let me raise a voice for Have the editorial be. only about Science Fantasy. It is practically Science Fiction and Fantasy-none gone. And what is there to take its of this scientific and/or political place? Oh, good stories all right! mish-mash. Heck, you can find jazz Very smoothly done, with talent like that in any 5¢ newspaper-; verily dripping from the edges. Per· and I sure as the devil don't want to feet Science Fiction and fantastic pay 40¢ for it. Yours is an escape Fantasy, but no Science Fantasy. mag, remember? That's why People Too bad!-Fritz Jeter, Norwalk, With Imagination buy it.-Alan Cal. Simonds, Alexandria, Va. Gee, a pain in t1le neck and Are you sure you read the same Isaac Asimovl Poor girl! As for Sci­ magazine you write to?-AD ence Fantasy, we hope it is not yet deRd ... but see below.-AD I have mixed feelings about Zang­ will's story [SATAN MEKATRIG It has seemed to me that in recent (Feb. 1963)]. I liked it for reasons years the term "Science Fantasy" has not altogether resulting from the been subject to a lot of abuse. When writing alone. For one thing it was Wells invented the term, he meant a type and style of writing which I'd us to understand that he was in· not experienced before. It gave a pic­ dulging in a free · fantasia from ture of a time and mode of living known facts, which he tried very I'm not familiar with, a different hard to get right. In present usage, view of an age-old story idea . . . "Science Fantasy" stands as a warn· I'm not sure I would care for the ing that the author reserves the style of writing as a regular thing right to get the facts all wrong. • . . But as a some·time thing it was Why, then, use the word "science" fine . . . Another thing The Maga­ at all? The usage is an affront to the zine has always done, is force new word; the stuff is fantasy, period.­ experiences on its readers, as well as James Blish new ideas. Congratulations.-Rick Sneary, South Gate, Calif. You send me love, I send you love. I want to encourage your Lately I and my friends have whole general policy: writing with been somewhat disappointed with love. That is, expressing what is so F&SF. Mr. Davidson leaves some­ rare in these times: reality. A uni· thing to be desired as an editor. 127 128 FANTASY AND SCIEl\"CE FICTION Therefore, I am declining your kind •. -Fred Burgess, Franklinville, offer to renew my subscription to N.C. your magazine.-E. Gary Gygax, Chicago, Ill. We, Avram Davidson, are the Onlie Begetter. Those others are just They love me in Chicago.-AD Friends of the Family.-AD This is a chancy, fearful, neurot­ I had been meaning to write and ic world we live in-why so many say how much I do enjoy your edi­ downbeat stories? Stories with he­ torship. I hope it will last a long, roes who come to horrid, inexorable long time, and that F&:SF will con­ ends; end of the world or end of hu­ tinue to fill the gap left by so many manity stories. These things are de­ other magazines.-Mrs. John L. pressing. It was all very well for Lorenz, Manchester, Mass. Science Fiction to cry doom when doom wasn't so conveniently at Your amusing and most enter­ hand, but now it seems all too much taining March editorial had a built­ like writing stories about the first in attention-diverter. I found my­ man in orbit. The reality is too self halted in full scan when I hit close. How about a little Science that line about ". . • we watched as Fiction indicating a way out? There our wife gave birth to . . . etc.'' In must be ways out, and politicians fact, I read that part 3 or 4 times. (a few, anyway) may read the mat Admitted, I'm not altogether in azine.-R. D. Coleman, China about what goes on in delivery Lake, Calif. rooms, being a happy bachelor. (Even though I almost married two I feel you are publishing too nurses-not at the same time-on many stories which are heavy with two different occasions) but the "style" but weakly plotted. "Style is mental picture your expression drew the frosting on the cake" -one such was a real swinging scene. I under­ display in an issue is fun, but when stand that the editorial "we" implies the majority are such, it's over­ (at least) that the editorial thoughts whelming.- G. S. Hamilton, Jr. expressed are those of the publica­ Seaside, Cal. tion in general. I may never be able to forget the image of Joseph W. We had already come to the tkci­ Ferman, Isaac Asimov, Avram Da­ ston to buy no more Doomsday sto­ vidson, Edward L. Ferman, and a ries, and to try to print more "plot­ bunch of other people whose names ty" stories. The "non-story," though, aren't even on the masthead stand­ is part of The Magazine's flavor, and ing outside the plate glass and gaz­ won't be completely abolished.­ ing awefully at "their" newborn son AD ************************t: . : MARKET PLACE : • •¥ *************************

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