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3-31-1992

Central Florida Future, Vol. 24 No. 53, March 31, 1992

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Recommended Citation "Central Florida Future, Vol. 24 No. 53, March 31, 1992" (1992). Central Florida Future. 1129. https://stars.library.ucf.edu/centralfloridafuture/1129 • OPINIONp. 6 . COLLAGEp. 9 I ~ • - . SPORT;S p. 16. .

I Don't ask students - NY theater classes Lady Knights end year most won't have clue now offered in Orlando by getting new coach • • entra uture Serving The University of Central Florida Since 1968 • Arts makes its own foreign language rules

• by Franc.ls J. Allman 1992-93 academic year. Sheridan believes that the de- of Arts and Sciences a .year to through learning a second lan­ CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTURE While acknowledging that the cision by Faculty ~~~~~~~~'!'!' think about the r~- guage was critical in today's oneyearproficiencyforabachelor's Senat.e was hasty. q u ir e m e n t, world. "Itisanecessaryrequire­ Although the Faculty Senat.e's of science degree and one and a ''We should not "It is a neces- Sheridan believes a ment for a quality education," proposal to reduce the foreign lan­ halfyearproficiencyfor bachelor's makeadecisionin sary require- more informed de- he· Said. guage requirement was accept.ed ofarts candidates now exceeds the a week or two," he cision can be made Dr. John Schell, chair of the • as a university policy, the college university requirement, Dr. Ed­ said. "We need to ment ·· · ,, on the issue. "I just English department, said his ofArts and Science is forming its ward Sheridan, dean of the col­ letthefacultythink · want them [each department will do just as own requirements. )ege of Arts and Sciences, said, about it and dis- department] to Sheridan requested and spend - Edward Sheridan In a memo released March "The most important consider­ cuss it with stu- have time to think the year evaluating the re­ ARTS AND SCIENCES 17, Judy Boyte, director of OA­ ation is that when we make a dents." this through." quirement. SIS, announced that the require­ major change, it ought to be By allowing He added that ment will stay "as it is" for the done thoughtfully." each department in the-College exposure to other cultures LANGUAGE continued page 5 II mtt dreams b;g for· ucF~s future

by Sandra Pedlcinl STAFF REPORTER UCF President John C. Hitt outlined . some lofty goals for UCF in a presenta­ tion to leaders of the business commu­ nity on Thur~day. ., At the Eastern ·council Luncr1eon, sponsored by the UCF Alumni Associa­ -tion and Student Government, Hitt de­ scribed the five goals that he feels UCF can achieve before 2000: • Offer the best undergra<;luate edu­ cation in Florida. • Rise to prominence in study and research. • Give greater international focus to the curriculum "to prepare students for a global economy." • Have a more inclusive, diverse stu­ dent population . • • Have an outstanding relationship with the community. Hitt conceded that his first goal may seem overly ambitious to some. But, he said, "fll just say straight up that if Chris Shoaf of R. P.M Services tows a student's Hyundai Excel to her home. (Charles 1<. Monow!FuruRE) ,you're going to dream, you might as well • dream big." He wants UCF to concent:rate efforts into building a fine undergraduate pro­ All hail breaks loose across campus gram. said the damage is difficult to assess and all of the books are salvageable. Hitt lauded the Virtues of metropoli­ by Jennifer Burgess and J.C. Smith tan universities that offer solid profes­ CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTURE fix because the insulation under the roofs The storm also hit the UCF Police is filled with water. Department hard. Out of 18 police sional programs and build partnerships_ The hail storm that swept through "The insulation is like a big sponge; cars, only three remain driveable, ac­ within the community. Orlando Wednesdaypelt.ed UCF, caus­ when it's full, water starts to drip out," cording to Sgt. Sandra McClendon, In these universities, he said, ''You ing an estimat.ed $250,000 to $300,000 he said. ' . director of crime prevention. Because will see fine professional programs • damage to the campus. Paradise said the roofs will be re­ of a good rotation schedule, however, emerge, programs that will meet the "And that's just the known things," prured first. the department hasn't had a problem need of the local economy." said Richard Paradise, director of the Paradise said Physical Plant cleaning with down time, McClendon explained. Hitt said that to be a successful met­ physical plant. crews came in at 5:30 am. Thursday to - McClendon estimated the damage ropolitan university, it was important The golf ball-size hail shattered the begin cleaning up and to "make the cam­ for each car at $7 ,000, but said the for UCFto create solid partnerships with skylight.sin the Student Services com­ pus as safe as possible." He added that department would only replace the the local community. plex, at the librruy entrance and in front the crews are working overtime in con­ windows for now. ''We're just trying to "If we focus on creating these kinds of of Tropical Oasis, smashed the lights in junction with outside contractors to put get the vehicles operational," she said. partnerships, UCFs going to benefit, front of the reflecting pond and reduced the campus back together. "We will probably look at the dents Florida's going to benefit, the whole na~ both green houses to skeletons. One of the harder hit buildings was .and dings for a while." tion is going to benefit," he said. However, Paradise said the storm the Library. In addition to the shattered The police will be looking at these To truly contribut.e to the Orlando caused the most damage to the cam­ sky lights in front of the main entrance, dents and dings for a while because the area, Hitt said UCF needs to generate • pus' roofs, including the Administra­ the fourth floor roof was also damaged university's vehicles are only covered for knowledgeable graduat.es, contribute to tion Building, PC 108, Health and Phys­ and about 200 books got wet. According research within the community and gen­ ics Building and Physical Plant. He to Library DirectoryAnne Marie Allison, HAIL continued page 3 erate capital 2 The Central Florida Future • March 31, 1992

I · sponsored by Student Government [fil33fj ~~CJ • &Ll1?~~ Awarded Annually to Ten (10) Students • "Who Have Improved Student Life on Campus" • •

Applications Available in Student Affairs Suite, Adm. 282 •

or Student Government Offices •

• Application Deadline is ~ • f 4.-t'.~ Wednesday, .April IS, I992 " •

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• March 31, 1992 • The Central Florida Future 3

mated that the actual number ' HAIL FROM PAGE 1 of cars damaged was double or triple that number. collisions. Each department must "We reached a point where we use moneyfrom their budget to fix could not take any more its vehicles. reports."Mt'Clendon added, The money to repair the rest of Brian Russell's Honda Accord the campus will come from Talla­ was among those damaged hassee because both the univer­ Wednesdayrright. Hewentin the sity and the state are self-insured dormitories tovisitafiiend before Peggy Smith, administrative as­ the storm began and crune back sistant for purchasing, said an out and discovered the damage. adjuster from Tallahassee would "When I wa1kedback out to my be on campus Monday and Tues­ car, the whole back window was day to assess the damage. gone; there wasn't anything left," In addition to the campus dam­ the accounting major said "I will age, thehailpoundedstudents' cars, be at the insuranre company first cracking windshields, chipping thing tomorrow morning." paint and denting hoods and roofs. One student who hadjust left Accordingto Lt. Mike ~lanes the Smithereens show in the of the UCF Police Department, UCF Arena summed up the more than 100 reports of dam­ show and the evening. . . =.~ " . . g.·,; .. ··. . . aged vehicles had been made by "The show was great; the Students emerged from Seminole Hall Wednesday after the storm to find the ground 10 p.m. Wednesday. He esti- storm was even better." littered With hai I. (Charles K. Morrow/FUTURE)

Wednesday's hail storm shattered the glass in the UCF greenhouse, leaving only the The globe lights on campus were destroyed after the skeletal structure of the building.

Skylights in front of the UCF Library were shattered Wednesday during the hail storm .. (Chart•K. MorrowtFUTUREJ r,ue Central Florida Future • March 31, 1992

~ome choose to work without pay to continue teaching '>Y Heather Swisher time to do it," Marchica said. juncts, not every student is suf­ ..,E r~ TAAL FLORIDA FUTURE Adjuncts are paid per credit fering. hour and their salaries depend "As an education major, I pre­ Roy Reid feels he owes a lot to on how many years they have fer to take classes taught by pro­ adjuncts. taught for the university and fessorsinstead ofadjuncts because 'They make things applicable what type of degree they have. they seem to know more about the to the class,"he said. "They bring Most adjuncts are paid about classes. They can relate to teach­ in day-to-day elements to the $1,500 per class. ing in a college atmosphere," said theories that make the study Industrial engineering de­ Kim Lynn, who is a second-de­ p-arts interesting. partment Chair Dr. William gree-seeking post-baccalaureate. 'With practice oomes a lot of Swart said that his department "Adjuncts aren't into the college i.~yback," said Reid, who got his was unable to hire adjuncts last scene and aren't areessible." 1egree from UCF in 1988. He got summer. However, this semes­ Dr. Ronald Rubin ofthe mar­ hl-; first job with AT&Tbecause of ter he said the department keting department also feels aJjunct Frank Stansbeny. "planned on the basis of having that "students do not get to de­ Reid is just one of the many. a reduced budget and was able velop a rapport with an adjunct. Electrical engineering adjunct Franklin T. Emery is now l CFstudentsorgraduateswho to hire adjuncts." I would prefer to see students teaching his class without pay. (Chartes K. Morrow/FUTURE) feels he learned more about the Frank Stansberry is one ofl 1 being taught by full-time pro­ li~ al world from an adjunct. adjuncts that was cut from the fessors, but I realize that the Despite the students' feelings, program. budget will not allow it. ADJUNCTS ~junctshavebeen cutfrommany Stansberry taught a public "The class sizes have in­ of.the school's departments due to relations case studies class that creased, making it difficult for Due. to budget cuts, UCF has had a hiring freeze and the lack of funding. focused on the application of us to maintain quality in the adjuncts are not being hired or are working without pay. Adjuncts are part-time teach­ good public relations techniques. classroom. The larger the class, Statistics show: eri5 who usually teach one or two "I share some of my personal the less interaction," Rubin said. • 280 adjunct positions within the College of Education. cfasses a semester. and professional experience Dr. Richard Adicks of the • Industrial Engineering cut 11 adjunct positions from with the class," he. said. English department feels that 'rhis semester 12 out of 32 its program. de,;>artments that hire adjuncts Due to these cuts, only one too many adjuncts are being Y.;o teach are doing without this section of the Writing for Public used in his department. Thirty­ • Only 12 out of 32 departments are able to hire ad­ rel.t.ra help. Relations course is being offered five too many. juncts. 1rhebottomline-budgetcuts. this semester. Normally, there "I feel that it's important to • The average adjunct gets paid $1,500 per class. 'l h~se cuts caused the depart­ are two sections offered·. the quality of teaching, that a • 73 percent of the UCF faculty are concerned about the ~uents 1iD cut classes, usually the Jeffrey, who taught the same teacher be more involved in the adjunct program, while 6 percent are unco~cerned. .~l asses that adjuncts taught. · course at a different university, department and adjuncts are But that did not stop all the said, "I want to keep the same not," Adicks said. tJjuncts. Some are teach~ng methods and instruction as Not everyone feels this way. .. egardless of the cuts - and Stansberry. It's still his class, Tonya Lee supports adjuncts without pay. and I want to emulate the way 100 percent. "I enjoy teaching," Franklin he taught it." "Professors may be on cam­ ERASE ILLITERArv T. Emerysaid. lleisteachingan Although many departments pus a lot, but as a commuter electrical engineering course have cut back or dropped their student, it doesn't really mat- without pay this semester. Em­ adjuncts all together, some de­ ter," said Lee,· a senior aiming 1------­ ery is usually hired to teach a partments have added adjuncts for a degree in organizational computer circuits and design because they are cheaper than communications. course each semester. full-time professors. ''Most adjuncts were willing to Not this time. This semester The art, foreign language and meet me before class or stay late if c the department did not have music departments are just a few I had a question," she said. "They the funds to pay him. that did not have to cut back. "- seem to add a lot of change and a "Emery was one ofthe people The statistics departmentlost different pace to the class. They in the adjunct pool that ex­ a professor due to retirement addvarietyinsteadofalways stick­ pressed an interest in teach­ last semester. Instead ofreplac­ ing to a stiff syllabus." ing," said electrical engineering ing him, the department chose Finance major Jeff Petersen department Chair Nicolaos to use the extra funds to hire agree·s . ."Their field experience Tzannes. "I just asked him if he more adjuncts. isalotmorecredible. They know would volunteer his services, Although the marketing de­ a lot about the industry.". ( and he said he would." partment has also added more But to the United Faculty of Emery said, "It's one way I adjuncts this semester, the eoo­ Florida, their knowledge is just can stay in touch with the uni­ nomics department has dropped not enough. versity system. I feel that I can at least two from its program and Regardless of the concern, donate my time to the univer- · plans to drop more next Semester. there are still some students sity in a limited capacity." The College ofEducation useto that prefer to take courses Lois Marchica is another ad­ havebetween$40,000and$00,000 taught by adjuncts. junct who :ls offering his ser­ a year to hire adjuncts. Now they A 1990 graduate ofUCF, Toni vices to the electrical engineer­ only have about $6,000 to spend · Caracciolo recalls that "adjuncts ing department free of charge "The cuts have left the de­ taught me exactly what was going this semester. partment With a reduced ability on in the work force. They oome . "I feel that the teaching is to serve our students," said Bill from their jobs in the field and very rewarding to me. I always Johnson, dean of the College of taught real world information" wanted to offer my services and Education. Agreeingwit4Carareiolo, Reid ' background to the university ·Although many students are said "Adjuncts have more real and this seems to be the best up~et about this cutback of ad- world experience."

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And A I $3 99 PLUS I Plus One Order Of Our *Additionalitems$1.42pertopping -LargeSl.00 I 2 Liter Bottle of Coke I • TAX I World Famous Bread Sticks per topping - Small Covers Both Piu.as FREE DELIVERY Exp. 4'11.tll2 CARRY OUT ONLY I NO COUPON NECESSARY I FREE DELIVERY bp. 4114'92 March 31, 1992 • The Central Florida Future 5 Idle clubs can't keep equipment by Sandra Pedicinl in the future other inactive or- cause he's a very assured per­ STAFF REPORTER ganizations would try to keep son," Dunn told senators. itemsfortheirownpersonaluse. Szurgot also said that some At Thursday's Student Gov­ "We just don't want it to members of the committee had ernment Senate meeting, sena­ become a problem," Johnson doubts about Langford's abili­ tors approved a bill that re­ said. "Ultimately, as Student ties as a senator because of her quired inactive clubs to return Government, we are respon- lack of experience, but other all equipment purchased sible for every penny of Activ- senators applauded her for be- through Activity and Service ity and Service Fee r - i ing so eager. Fee funding. money thatwespend." lj ~~~ 1· "IthinkalJofourabili- Senate pro tern ChrisRiebold In other SGnews, the : ~ _-~ ~ \:: ties are questionable," • introduced the -bill as an im­ senatepassedabillgrant- · "!! ef./'i - \( I Edwards said. ''We are proved way to keep track ofhow ing $329 to the newly ~ _,/ all still learning." SG spends its money. formed American Sign Student I After the vote Government . ' . "Ifthey [clubs] went inactive, Language Chm !<> help Langford smd she was the president could take all the the organization get st.arted. excited about the opportunity to stuff with him and put it in his The senate also confirmed serve on the senate. house," Riebold said. three positions: Julia Novotny Ajuniorwhotransferredfrom Clubs and Organizations and Sheldon Powdar were con- St. Petersburg Junior College, Advocate Mike Johnson said firmedasjustices,andShannon Langford said that "I see a lot that he first discussed creat­ Langford was accepted to serve going on, and I wanted to get • ing the bill with Riebold after as a senator. involved in it." SG had its internal auditor Election and Appointment Novotny, a senior majoring identify the whereabouts of Committee Chair Scott Szurgot in French, thinks serving as a $3,500 worth of equipment told senators that the commit- justice will be helpful to her member s of the Music Record­ tee had mixed comments about when she goes to law school. ing Society had after the club Powdar, but Sen. Terrance "fve always been interested MEASURE ·UP became inactive. Dunn defended him. in the judicial council, and rm The organization was coop­ "Don't lethis soft-spokenness very glad that I've gotten in and Chris Wargo, 22, gets checked for body fat at the erative, Johnson said, but he or his appearance of shyness can practice what I've been Wellness Expo Wednesday. (Charles K. Morrow/FUTURE) andRiebold were concerned that stop you from voting yes, be- wanting to do," Novotny said. LANGUAGE to have a second language," he said · Onestudent, whoaskedtoremainanony­ that's the worst part!" Kisha Dunn, who has not yet decided mous, said that she was applying to the When asked how he couldjustify keep­ FROM PAGE 1 on a major, said that any requirement college of Arts and Sciences as-a communi­ ing the requirement intact despite se­ "The English department will decide should at least be functional. cations major after tiansferring from a vere budget cuts and the minimal amount what the requirement should be, why it "If they are going to place a requirement community college. The foreign language of classes being offered in the summer should be so and what makes sense for it should have something remotely to do requirement did not sit well with her. terms, Sheridan said, "What we're cer­ our students," he said. with your major," she said. Asked if she "At the junior college I needed two tainly trying very hard to do in summ,er Student reaction to the announcement would avoid the College of Arts and Sci­ semesters [of a foreign language]. That is offer high-demand courses. Our plan was mixed. Bogge Soderberg, a senior ma­ ences because of the requirement, Dunn was five years ago.Now rm going to need is to be very careful in the fall to offer joring in communications said that he had replied, ''No, but you shouldn't be forced to a refresher before I can take a third classes that are required. I don't think it already satisfied the requirement. "It helps pay for something you don't want." semester, and rm not going tO use it - will be a problem."

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r.; iC'~ ... ,f.;...... ti n next fall ming budget deliberations many student.a probably heard the vicious rumor and poo­ sible reality about a new quota being sug­ b~s tedforthe UCFcampus. Thisnewquotawasalimit on1henumberofclassestobetakenpersemester.Now we realize some students are still in shock, but those who aren't want and need more than 12 hours and haYe voiced oomplaint.s like: '-Man, can you believe it? They are suggesting tha.t I only take 12 hours? fve been handling 15 ever since I started here three years ago!" "No, I can't. But then I'm having trouble han­ ~- 0 dling the nine hours I have." F; "That's great for you, but your classes are paid ~· for! Tuition is going up every semester. I won't be ~ able to pay come 1993." Many surprised students must face the fact that ~ it will take six years or more to get a Bachelor's lL_ ' I degree or any kind. ~ Hypothetically speaking, the 12-hour limit will ~ J make registration easier as the students will now be limited during those precious phone calls. But what aboutthosewhoareunabletogetthe classes theyneed during the summer semester, as a result of budget Time to learn what college you're in cuts, and need 27 hours to graduate? Should those people wait until the fall of 1993? (One can only ously noted, I inquired what her major was. "English," _Francis J. Allman she said. I told her that English majors fell under the imagine what summer school 1993 will hold-if it College ofArts and Sciences. She gave me an indignant exist.s at all.) THINK ABOUT IT look and announced, to my shock and dismay, "That's not art." No, I am not making any of this up. Maybe we can assume that some sort of exemp-· ne of the fringe benefits fve enjoyed most in tions would have to be made. Ifthey setting a Neither of these examples, however, were as bad-as are writing for the Future these last several months frightening- as the one I ran into when asking a student program where exceptions are b~t in, then per­ 0 has been the opportunity to meet and talk to so how she felt about the $3.1 million in budget cuts UCF haps they should reconsider the program. ,many ofmy fellow students. But I've got to tell might suffer. She said, "It won't affect me; rm only a In fact the reason that this is even being tossed you folks, last week you disappointed me. freshman." I t.old her that those budget cuts just might After researching the $3.1 million in budget cuts about is that the administration doesn't appreciate mean she'll have to spendsixyearsat UCFt.ogetafour-year facing the university, the thousands of dollars being degree. You don't want to know how she responded to this, those students who "accidentally" punch in 24 transferred from academics to athletics, the summer butrm going to tell you anyway. She said, "Oh, I don't care; hours over the phone and drop 12 hours. This terms being slashed almo_st out of existence, and the I like it here." She likes it here. Amazing. prematurely closes classes and creates chaos on College of Arts and Sciences insisting on keeping the Canyouimaginetheconfusionongraduation day? lean: foreign language requirement "as it is," despite the "OK, everyone line up according to your college." the FEW days of walk-by registration. But this recommendation ofFaculty Senate, I thought I couldn't "What's that guy talking about? We all went to UCF, problem can be avoided by other methods. get any more depressed. I was wrong. - right? What OTHER college is graduating today?" One would be to limit the number of classes As I made my way around the campus looking for · As for those who are happy to spend an extra two during phone registration. Perhaps only five. student reaction to the Arts and Sciences foreign language years oftheir lives at UCF because they like it here, all decision, I startedeachinterviewby asking students which I can say is: "Hello, is anybody home in there?" How can Another idea would be to KEEP THE WALK - college they were in. This is the disappointing part: five out we expect anyone to take us seriously when we have BY REGISTRATION OPEN. During the fall and of the first six ofthem had no idea - students (ifthere is one, there are more) who obviously spring semesters, the students need more than Here is an example: care nothing about the issues facing this school, not to two days to be able to make it through the lines. It Me: "Are you in the College of Arts and Sciences?" mention how little they care about themselves. Hirn: ''Yes." Admittedly, this small sampling of students is not was said that one student went the night before to Me: "What's your major?" representative of the rest ofthe university. But five out f camp out, only to find that 10,000 other students Him: "Engineering." ofsixstudentsinarownotknowingwhatcollegethey'rein? had the same idea The student never did make it Me: 'Then you're in the College of Engineering." Have you ever wondered why our elected officials Him: "Really?" - to the door ofregistration (OK, that is an exaggera­ feel they can cut the funding for our education, bounce Me: Stunned silence. hundreds ofthousands ofdollars in checks, lie to us and tion, but the ~ait for some was more than three Folk~, this guy said he was a senior: I hope I never engage in any other scandalous behaVior? They do it find myself on a bridge he designed. hours during this past semester). because they can. And they can because we let them. The absolute best, and finest, and couldn't get Now before all you engineenng majors ·get torqued out of shape and write me letters, let me tell you that We, as students, as citizens, have an obligation to be any better idea would be for more money to be put the right-brain people fared no better. informed, first about ourselves and then about the rest toward education. I spoke to a young lady who said she was NOT in the of the world.. If there were-more classes offered then there College of Arts and Sciences. But being a bit suspicious For crying out Ioud folks, WAKE UP! wouldn't be such a killing spree for those overrides. after a few other encounters similar to the one previ- FrancifJ J. Allman i,s a senior studying EnglifJh Lit.

If the profs didn't have to inform so many stu­ . , dents, then perhaps the quality ofeducation would A note from the editor increase, but then again there are so many differ­ ent ways to spend money. Imagine limits, and then realize that the UCF administration has already considered them, car­ ried them astepfurther and left the student aghast along the wayside. We kinda' hoped that last week's hail hit some of the administrators and knocked some sense into them. It could only help. News Editor Rebecca Falcon Central Florida Future Distribution Manager · Scott Beaman Sports Editor Jamie Johnson 01Slll21hoC..WA«idaF- Classifieds Manager Catherine Comia Opinion Editor Jocelyn Jepson p.Q. Box 25000, Orlando, Florida32816 Advertising Manager Vic Kirazian Confetti/Collage Editor Bill Cushing Business Office (407) 823-2601, News Office (407) 823-NEWS Ad Production Lori Reynolds, Rafael Cardozo Copy Editor J.C. Smith Editor In Chief Advertising Staff: Lauren Harris, Refik Fortner, Photo Editor · Charles K. Morrow Jamie carte Armand Cimaroli Art Director Brian M. Wente Managing Editor Business Manager Slaff Members: Joaiah Bak«, Jennifer Eklrgeea, Palrick Canpbell, Mehall Production Manager Shayne A. Strickland Heidi Steiner Thomas Negron DeHoog, Jemy Ouncanaon, Thom Hart. Jmof1 l..eskD, David Maadowl, SaranWi Miller, Robert Offennann, Sendra Pecicini, Jennifer Schutla, David J. Shculberg Opinions expr9S$Cld in The Central Florida Future are those of the newspaper or individual cok.mnist and not necessarily those of the Boa-d of Publications, University Actninistration, or Board of Regents. L.ellers to the Editor must be typed, maxinurn of 300 words llfld Include the author's signature, major and phone number. Letters are subject to editing for grammar and space and become the property of the newspaper, subject to their publication. The Central Florida Future is a free, non-proft newspaper published tvke weekly dumg the 8C8dlrnic veer and ~during 1he summer. All meetings of the BOP are open to the public. March 31, 1992 • The Central Florida Future 7 Only a challenge can bring out the best in today's man Ed.Bowes controversies of our daily lives. This is not to say we around and over them. Most of all, this means should attempt to fool ourselves in light of our believing and trusting in yourself, as these new EXTRAPOLATE HO current challenges ("problems") but to inste~d challenges are accepted. snrprise ourselves with the s11ccess in overcoming By all means these new challenges can bring ome years ago my Grandfather spoke a few them. out the best in all college students. The in­ words to methat will longliveinmymemory: A smaller university budget will invariably lead creased academic· competition between each S "Only a challenge can bring out the best in to fewer work-study jobs, larger class sizes, less other, for a share of the· smaller academic pie, men." time with professors/instructors, and all that dis­ can undoubtedly lead to greater competence and What topic we were speaking of at the time, I can mal kind of stuff. will to learn among us college people. It's just a not remember. We'll simply have to do with less. Yet, you'd be · matter of accepting these challenges as stan­ Nevertheless, those few words con~ed an surprised with how much can be done. dards - pretty high standards! And by overcom­ inspiration, universally salient to everyone ... in­ Ifthe state can not afford us the proper budget, ing them, we can set ourselves aloft a higher plane cluding us college students. then we have to afford ourselves the appropriate of success. Nasty things like the education budget cuts, motivation. This is the time for a greater motiva­ The first step is to realize our problems are not possible rising tuition fees, less academic resources, tion - no more hissing, bitching, feeling bad for problems, but challenges. We can sit around and and the outlook for a grim summer course-offering yourself, the university or your education in gen­ complain about "problems" until we're blue in the still plague the psyches of us college people. eral. face, or we can take up challenges, overcome them So, what can we do? Agreatermotivationfrom withinmustberecog­ and turn what might seem to be a defeating aca­ If you're reading this in hopes of any true nized to conquer the new challenges. This means, demic prospect into a surprising victory. Most guidance, good luck!· But don't you worry my perhaps, filling principal semesters with extremely people oftoday have gotten too comfortable in their little college anchovies. There's always a path heavy and unbalanced course loads, working and white bread' homes, they need to rediscover the through the mess. studying harder to receive and keep scholarships, work ethic and learn that some of the best things To boot, the best way to deal with our academic making particular contacts within the faculty and in life require hard work. problems (or any problem for that matter), is to even making certain deals with certain people in Keep your heads high, attitudes motivated change our beliefs in them. These problems need order to achieve certain outcomes. All this trans­ and faith in your abilities always alive, college no longer be "problems" but challenges -.chal­ lates into us college students accepting the chal­ students. And may you guide good fortune your lenges we can incorporate in ~with all the other lenges created by the budget cuts, working our way way for a successful 1992.

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Dead hornets prove to be the newest form of electricity is: "Is it possible to generate electricity using dead Dave Barry hornets?" We are pleased to report that the answer is: yes. We have here an article from the Feb.·2 Chicago TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES Tribune, mailed in by alert reader Stephanie McGarth, which states that scientists at Tel Aviv University have oday on Consumer Quadrant we are pleased to discovered that hornets have a special kind of skin that announce an exciting new service for those con­ can convert sunlight into electricity. T sumers who expect, at some point in the future, "Researchers find that,they can hook up a circuit to be dead. We found out about this service through an of hornets to produce electricity to run small appli­ advertisement in Yankee magazine that was sent to us ances," the article states. There's a photograph of a by a number of alert readers. It states: · digital clock attached to wires scientists have con­ "JUST THINK ... You passed away those months nected to six dead hornets. ago ... and yet on every occasion that is important to This is exciting news, because unlike ordinary those you left behind, and on their birthdays, they flashlight style batteries, which are designed to start receive a BEAUTIFUL CARD expressing your warm losing power rapidly the instant you pay for them, and loving thoughts to them." hornets represent a natural and renewable energy The ad had a coupon that you could fill in and mail, source that could provide major benefits for all of with a dollar, to a company called "Cards From Beyond" humanity, including campers: . of Fairport, N.Y. We did this, and Cards From Beyond FIRST CAMPER: Dam 'it! Night has fallen and my sent back a tasteful brochure describing the various flashlight batteries are drained! cards that you can arrange to have sent to your loved JEFF MACNELL Y/TRIBUNE MEDIA SERVICES SECOND CAMPER: Don't worry! l'lljustreach into ones on specific annual occasions after you expire, for this hornets' nest here and... $25 per card per year. There are cards for Thanksgiv­ Letters From Beyond To The Sears Appliance Repair HORNETS: BZZZZZ ing, Christmas, Easter and anniversaries but - sur­ Department. We have been trying for the bulk of our SECOND CAMPER: OUCH! (slap) OWW! (slap) prisingly-:-none for Halloween. Our personal favorite adult lives to get an appliance-repair person to come to SWEDISH BIKINI TEAM: AIEEEE card is the "Happy Birthday" model, which features the our house, and we'd like to continue trying after our SECOND CAMPER: Well, that was extremely pain­ following message, which we are not making up: demise by means of ail annual card that would say: ful, but I've rigged up a simple 10-homet circuit here, "On this special day in your life, take joy in the fact "Although 'tis true that we've been processed and as soon as morning comes and sunlight strikes that those of us who have gone before would give by the undertaker their skin, we'll have light! anything to be in your shoes." We'd still be grateful if you'd come FIRST CAMPER: Woog. (dies) What a happy birthday reminder THAT would be. And look at our ice-maker" x x x Perhaps, to add to the festive mood, everybody could Some other services from beyond that we'd be inter­ OK, somaybeweneed toworkoutsome"bugs." (Ha gather round your loved one and sing: ested in are: Betting On Football From Beyond, Claim­ ha!) But the important thing is that you, the consumer, "Happy Birthday to you! ing Flagrantly Bogus Tax Deductions From Beyond, are benefiting from the amazing new concepts that Happy Birthday to you! Ordering Take-Out Chinese Food From Beyond, and regularly spew from the minds ofinventive people who Happy Birthday dear (NAME OF LOVED ONE), Calling Up Phyllis Schafly At 4 a.m. And Making may be ingesting more than their share ofHalcion. We And don't forget that (YOUR NAME) is still dead!" Comical Barnyard Noises From Beyond. at Consumer Quadrant promise to monitor these devel­ We think that Cards From Beyond is a needed xxx opments and keep you informed just as long as we're service, and we'd like to see it expanded into other Speaking of appliances and death, one question that around. Even longer, ifyou want to sign up for our new areas. For example, we'd be very interested in sending people ask us constantly here at Consumer Quadrant service, Columns From Beyond. The Central Florida Future March 31. 1992 8

held also! Congratulations to James 1Bd 1BA Apt. Walk to UCF. Cat is OK. Responsible Students, To Help other WORDMASTERS 277-9600 Davidson New Everglades District Vice­ Call 281-6545. $315/month students find money for college. 1-900· GREEK CORNER Presidentl! I 787-6972 $2 per minute Student documents and resumes. 2 Rooms for Rent in 212 with W/D. Same day service available. IBM/AT, TEKE WEEK! TEKE WEEK! TEKE NO DEPOSIT, $230 month per room Dance instructor needed-experienced WEEK! No more playing around -boys, Call Craig, Jay or Roy 380-8717 Leave Part tfme Call Frankie 332-4455 Word Perfect 5.0 ACACIA our week is here!!! 11 First places; 2 Message IBM letter quality/laser printing. I'm back from Sabbatical. Congrats to second places (there have only been Babysitter(s) Mon Tues Eves and Oc­ the remedial pledge class, rHOB, 13) We will take first place again! That's *Sherwood Forest* casional Days 895-129 7 Fast*Professional* Accurate we're finally brothers. 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ATTENTION BUSINESS ORGANIZA- . experience, knowledge of DOS and Debbie Congrats for 1st place at ATn TIONS: Join ALPHA KAPPA PSI On Word Perfect. Programming and net­ KCO INC Typing/WP/DP/$1.50-$2.00 Island Party and to our new order of W April 5 from 12-4 at LAKE CLAIRE for Tandy 1000 EX, 5 1/4 • 3.5, DMP130 work skills desirable. Starting $26,798 7440 University Blvd-Call 678-6735 initiates! We're out to win Greek Week our FIRST ANNUAL BUSINESS PIC­ Printer Modem, Color Monitor, 2 Joy­ to $32,.423. Letter and resume by April 92! NIC. $3.00/person. Enjoy FOOD, sticks, Memory Exp Card, Printer Case, 3 to Federal Public Defender, 80 North Plenty of Software, $900 2n-0998 Hughey Ave., Suite 417, Orlando, FL FRIENDS, GAMES, FUN, & MORE! 080 Complete Typing/WP Services Fast All or x0123 ask for BW - 32801. DELTA SIGMA Pl RSVP Debbie 823-97 46 by April 2. Hope Executive Services 2431 Aloma #226 Well I hope everyone had a good time at 671-4414 to see you! 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Forget love, money, &health, we've got Sex~ Scandal~ & Super Stars. To\ join the ranks of the ever infamous journalists, come in and fill out an application at the Central Florida Future. There are positions available in features, news and sports. Jobs are also available in photography and prodction. For further informa­ tion call UCF-NEWS. the local scene

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Orlando actors at the Acting Studio participate in some loosening-up exercises offered during "sample classes" held last week. cchuck saar1FuruRE) . Area workshop offers area actors a variety of methods and options by Chuck Saar Gong Show. His class in cold read­ ing helps the actor to make fast ~ A serious acting school has finally choices duririg auditions involv­ opened in Orlando. ing cold readings of scripts. Blackwell's film and televi­ David Goldyn is the owner of The Acting sion credits include "In the Heat Studio Company, which is quartered in a of the Night," and "Another storefront on Orange Avenue about a mile World." His local theater work in "Cat on a Hot Tin Roof' and south of downtown. "Bum This" has been acclaimed The school officially opened.this York Arts Department. . by The Orlando Sentinel. past Monday but offered free As an actor, Goldyn appeared Kopf holds a doct.orat.e in voice "demo" classes during the previ­ inproductionsof'Scapino,""Caba­ and movement from the U niver­ ous week. The cJasses are taught ret," "Evita" and "Carnival." In sityofFJ.oridaalongwithamaster's by experienced and dedicated movies,hehasbeen seen in "Cruis-· degree in directing from San Di­ • teachers, many holding advanced ing" and "Ghostbusters." He has ego State andaBA in actingfrom degrees in theater related arts taught acting in New York at the Rumbolt State University, Cali­ and some with strong connections Park's Shakespeare Company, fornia She teaches at Valencia· t.o casting departments through­ NatHomeMusicalTheatre,Amas andUCF. out the Orlando area. Repertory Co., Kids on Stage and She has also taught at Rollins Classes are offered for the Stagedoor Manor, where John College, Seminole Community beginning act.or as well as for Cryer was his student College and the Civic Theatre.She the established professional. His teaching methods draw is a voice coach for many Disney Goldynfirstlookedforaserious from both the Uta Hagen and and Universal projects. Her class acting class in Central Florida method theories of acting. in Dialect Correction aims to cor­ when he moved here from New He teaches Acting Tech­ rect regional accents with Stan­ Yorkabouttwoyearsagobutfound niques, Mixed Level Acting dard American Speech. only schools where they would put Class and Instrumentals, Mono­ Prices for these classes range someone in front of a TV camera, logues & Scenes. According to Peter McGrath and UCF graduate Joan DeRosa act out from $179 for any eight week, essentially tellingthe act.or ifhe or Goldyn, "instrumentals" are ex­ a simple but verbally violent scene. cchucksaar1FuruRE) three hour-per-session class, she looked happy or sad enough ercises "that bring out emotions, such as Acting Tech I, Scene for a particular role. and put them into the material.' class in such a way as t.o make vision credits in "My Girl," Study and Instrumentals, Having learned to act using At one of the demo classes of­ even the most inhibited but curi­ "Think Fast," "Divorce Court" Monologues and Scenes. the Stanislavski method, where fered last week, several UCF ouspersonfeelsafeandreassured. and can be seen in four Ford For the two-hour classes, personal experiences and memo­ graduates wereamongmanywho Joan DeRosa, a UCF gradu­ Escort commercials. Her the­ which last eight weeks, the price ries are the fuel the actor uses to took part in sampling the curricu­ ate from "a few years ago," and ater credits include· Kate in is $159. These classes include realize his character, Goldyn lum and the teaching offered at Peter McGrath, an attorney "Other People's Money" and Acting Tech II, ActingforTeens decided to start his own class in The Acting Studio Company. from Orlando, acted out a simple Shelby in "Steel Magnolias." 14-17, and Movement. the community building of an GoldynstartedtheActingTech­ but verbally violent scene with Rothan's movement class in­ Taking two or more classes apartment complex off Orange niquesI class with a briefexplana­ intensity and confidence. volves loosening the body up by at the same time will bring the Blossom Trail about a year ago. tion ofbis background and why he Dawn Marzlock, a 1990 UCF releasing muscle tension and second or third class's price down Word got out about this new­ started the school He then gave grad in organizational communi­ stress. This is done by using tech­ to $129. comer with a career interest in an overview ofthe Uta Hagen and cations, looked on, hoping to pol­ niquesrangingfromyogatodance. Goldyn one day hopes to have acting. method schools of acting. ish her acting skills enough to This sort of looseness allows a regional theater for the Or­ This attracted some of the best The Uta Hagen system is one of become a professional actress one actors to play very demanding lando area with his school as the and brightest in the Orlando area three major techniques taught in day. Ann Norsworthy perl'onned roles without adding undue focal point. ltis these people who gave Goldyn America.A German whowasbom an instrumental called a "Silly­ physical strain. He wants the people of Or­ the hope to open his own acting inAmerica,Hagen'sstyleinvolves Dilly" that, she said, '1>uts you in Other instructors at The Act­ lando to know that his studio is school, employing many of them using the act.or's home life as a t.ouch withemotionssotheycanbe ing Studio Company include here and ready to help the aspir­ as teachers of specialized classes source of emotional energy. used as tools." Todd Denkin (The Art of Cold ing or experienced actor on t.o­ for the actor . He called for volunteers to Elizabeth Rothan is the Reading), Rus Blackwell (Act­ ward their personal or profes­ • His own stage and screen demonstrate and experiment teacher of classes in movement, ing for Teens 14-17 and Scene sional acting goals. credits are as extensive as his with various acting techniques acting for kids ages 8-13 and a Study) and Ginny Kopf(Dialect To reach The Acting Studio teaching experience. He has in front of the whole group. perl'onnance class for kids and Correction). Company, call 425-ACTI or drive been recommended by the This may sound scary to one teens. She holds a master's de­ Denkin is the casting director downtown to 952 Orange Av­ Cassandra and Bailey Talent who deplores public speaking, but gree in theater from Rutgers at Nickelodeon and was once the enue, about a mile south of Agency and by the City of New David prefaced this part of the Universityandhasfilmand tele- senior talent coordinator for The Anderson Street. 10 The Central Florida Future • March 31, 1992 'Basic Instinct:' homophobic film or only misunderstood?

David J. Shoulberg with an S & M sex scene that ity and causes more rubberneck­ ing attention than if nothing As of this issue, the scope turns into an ice pick murder is going to be pretty racy! Sex had been done. of the B-Side column shall in this film was not· used for Casein point: Remember how be enlarged to cover not just cheap thrills; it was an inte­ well 'The Last Temptation of music but all aspects of the gral part of character develop­ Christ" did after all the funda­ entertainment world. Film, ment and motivation. mentalist protests. television and the arts are The sex scenes were well done As far back as I can remem­ all fair game... so be warned! and highly erotic. Without ques­ ber, almost every film villain or tion they served to further the killer has been either a hetero­ At risk of protest from some story and keep viewer interest sexual white male or a hetero­ mutant-militant-radicalgayor on the rise (pun intended). sexual black male. lesbian task force, this column In an increasingly sexist Equal representation in film is devoted to the new film "Ba- Hollywood, it is also impor­ requires roles like Sharon sic Instinct." tant to note that not just the Stone's bisexual character in That's right, the film that has female characters displayed "Basic Instinct," as well as por­ stirred glassy waves of debate nudity; Douglas did his fair trayal of normal and healthy in Hollywood and elsewhere. share. gay characters. This is the First, let me make a confes- . · And now the million-dollar trade off! If you want to be in sion. I went to seethe film on M::R=:~~ question: Whataboutthepor- the movies, you take the good openingdaylastF\rida;y. I t~" trayal of gays in the film? with the bad. wasintriguedbythecon- ..J · ,,,;~~:m,,~!~l "\t. Let's be hon- Besides, as an impartial ob­ ceptofapsycho-bisexual ·-=::i\:.. (~l~fl~'{Jt'~ ..,.}? est. Every group' of server, I didn't see any nega- wreaking havoc with ..,'\,,,.. i~~Kt~~:f:;}f>.,::('· people has the normal . tive or demeaning aspects of .------, Michael Douglas and his Jlrl.::~ E~· and then the not-so-nor- the gay or lesbian lifestyle in Get attempts to nail her (pun ..,,,,.. mal assortment of rep- the film. With the exception of : Buy One, One 50% Off : intended). resentatives. There are nor- a quip or two from Michael I When you purchase one food item, receive the I second entree of equal or less value, for half price. To see this film, I went with a mal Caucasians and then some Douglas to the lesbian charac­ I I groupofmy closestmalefriendss who are rapists, there are nor­ ter Roxy, the issue really I Please present coupon when ordering. Not valid in combination with other discounts or special offers. No cash value. Limit 1 coupon per party per vi5it. I and, with the possible exception mal African-Americans and wa~m't ever mentioned. I l'J ' Valid only at the following Wag's: I of the one that kept yelling then some who are murderers. The bisexuality of certain wl"J & 10615 E. Colonial "Bring on the lesbians," they No group is without an unde- characters was more a back­ 1· vrv I behaved rather well. sirable sub-cultµ.re, just as the drop of the film than a main I . FAM1~v RESTAURANTS Union Park I I . Exprres April 30,1992 Phone ahead for pickup 281-1344 .J I sat there, wondering, pon- gay community has some ele-. element. It added texture and dering, conceptualizing what merits that are out of the norm, substance to the roles. Never ~------kind of film could stir up this as displayed in "Basic Instinct" once was any correlation made much controversy?· or "Silence of the Lambs. " between being gay and wielding Perhaps "Basic Instinct" is just We should also look at the posi- a murderous ice-pick. such a film. tive gay portrayals this year, as in As a film, "Basic Instinct" FirsttherewastheNC-17rat- "Frankie & Johnny" or George suffered mildly from ajumbled ~ The Best Summer ]ob ing because of its sexual content. Carlin in 'The Prince of Tides." plot. The first hour of the film Then there were the repeated Not so long ago the gay and was incredible, filled with both you'll ever have! quarrels between screenwriter lesbian community was up in wit and sexual energy. In your own hometown. JoeEszterhasanddirector Paul arms because it wasn't repre­ The ending of the film left Verhoeven, and, of course, the sentedatallinHollywoodfilms. something to be desired. . 1-800-443-3059 now infamous antics of Queer Now, they are upset over Without a doubt, if the film Nation to give away the ending certain characterizations in had kept the momentum of the ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• of the film on billboards and certain films. firsthalfgoingintothesecond, • 10% STUDENT DISCOUNT • public address systems because A film is a work of fiction. It it would have been one of the • HEADS EAST WITH THIS AD : they opposed the portrayal of is not always an accurate rep­ year's best and most intrigu­ • • • HAIRSTYLING • gays in the film. resentation of life, nor does it ing movies. • • So I sat for two hours and have to be. Groups like Queer Instead, we have a good film : STYLE CUT • watched "Basic Instinct." Nation need to put things into that will probably be pushed • • into the realm of blockbuster· $995 • My thoughts on the film are perspective. • • mixed, although I do recom- It should not exercise any because of the efforts of protest­ • Professional Stylists • mend it. As far as· sexual con- political muscle over issues like ers who tried to destroy it. • Walmart Center Appt. or Walk In • tent goes, any film that opens this. It submarines its credibil- You just gotta love Hollywood! • 10661 E. Col. Dr. 282-1754: ••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••• March 31, 1992 •The Central Florida Future 11 • Eight area bands will c mpete Thursday by Dan Fuller The Same, Three Penny Opera, by Matt Pjelstag, will be on may"run every semest.er, and the Libretto, a battle ofthe bands, Ghostbeat, Lyme, The Reign, sale for $10. winnIDgbandmayheadlineashow will be showcased at he F.R.E.D. and Black Cats and Merchandise Revolt will also in the near fµture:" Beacham Theatre on Thursday. Bottle Rockets. have a table set up selling alterna­ Providing judges are Barry Nadler of S. R. Pro· Each band will be allowed to tive fashions, and Generation X WUCF, Ace Music~ T. Skorma ductions said that the name play four songs and is competing video will tape the event. Productions, Signature Sound Libretto was selected from a for a 24-hour block of recording Libretto will be hosted by and Q-96 FM. . thesaurus because it "rolled time at Signature Sound and a Frank Miazga, music direct.or Participating bands will be first band will begin an hour off the tongue and sounded music video directed by Barry for WUCF-FM. judged on originality, individual later. The promoters expect the • poetic as to contrast with the Nadler. Nadler has previously di­ Libretto represents the first and unit musicianship and show to last until about 2 a.m. edginess and aggressiveness rected videos by The Reign. public production by S. R. Pro­ showmanship. Although the show is an all· of alternative music." Naomi's Hair will be per­ ductions. Jones . said. the Other sponsors for Libretto are ages event, alcohol will be PaulJones, alsoofS. R Produc­ forming as a special guest and company's drive was to "provide Q-96 and WPRK The spon~rs served to those with proper tions, said "it just sounded cool." will not be judged. an outlet for the local alterna­ will provide promotional items for identification. The show has been organized Tables·will be set up for the tive musicians to perform (in a the participating bands. Tickets are $5 and may be to showcase local bands. Com­ bands to sell records and tapes. professional atmosphere)." The Beacham Theatre will p~rchased at the Beacham The­ peting bands are Shock Lizard, T-shirts for the event, designed AccordingtoNadler, theyeven open its doors at 6 p.m. and the atre and Ticket.Master locations.

physical size or weapons. It was by Chuck saar obvious, however, that this The most serious evening of crowd was a tame one and yet rock 'n' roll that. many· people really wanted to get into some around here will remember oc­ good music. curred last Wednesday night. Pat DiNizio, the band's lead First, an absolutely incred­ singer, looked amazingly like a ible lightning storm hit the certain Biblical fallen angel. He UCF Research Park, immedi­ announced his concern for any­ ately followed by a pummel­ one who might be hurt during ing, property-damagingfallout the hail storm. of handball sized hail, setting The Smithereens cranked out the mood for the Tom its sometimes brooding, some­ Cochrane, Adam Sandler, times stomping hits along with Smithereens show. some lesser known gems, and While many of .the Arena had a very playful and confident seats were empty, a lot ofpeople · way with the audience. who bought tickets were prob­ While DiNizio had the most ably busy calling their insur­ immediate charisma with the an ce companies. Those who crowd, lead guitaristJim Babjak came had either accepted the t.ook a few songs tO loosen up damage to their cars and hoped and maybe even wake up. the rock 'n' roll would help them Bassist Dennis Diken practi­ forget, or they felt lucky that cally jogged in place all night, nothing happened to them, giv­ while Mike Mesaros, the drum­ ingthem somethingto celebrate. mer, a curious, balding guy, later Whatever, Tom Cochrane wound up hopping off his riser and his band took the stage at to take his bows, snapping an FULL MENU DELIVERY about 9 p.m., a little later than instamatic of the audience in expected but on time enough the prdcess. to satisfy some of the anticipa­ The songs "Only a Memory" tion that the storm and the and "Behind the Wall of Sleep" • Fresh Salads wait had built up. were flavored with a blues influ­ The group slung through a few ence that only the truly accom­ • Hot Oven Subs unfamiliar opening numbers un­ plished can impart. til Cochrane introduced "Lunatic At one point, DiNizio told a • Great Pizza Fringe," a tune he wrote with his roadie to dismiss the wall of •Authentic Italian Dinners old band, Red Ryder. security, much to the red shirts' The small crowd knew the apparent chagrin. But, it was tune and gained interest but a safe bet that this crowd still kept its seats. wasn't exactly going to storm The band followed this with a the stage. Call couple of inspired rockers before So, the people got closer as the launchingint.o "Iflifeis a highway, guitarists accelerated their pace I want to ride it all Illght long," its with the guitar picks they were 282-0505 . current radio single. giving away. These picks became Adam Sandler, the "Cajun quite oovet.ed to the crowd in front Limited Delivery Area Man" from Saturday NightLive, as the band played on. ------r------never showed up. No one in the After a few medleys of cover $1.00 OFF I $1.00 OFF crowd seemed too put out by tunes and TV theme songs, the this, however. audience was well involved in the Any Large Hot Oven Sub : Greek Salad For 2 The Smithereens arrived show, singingthechorusestn"I'oo •Not Vuid With Any Oda Olfaa. Limit One Coupon hr Order. I •Ncx Valid With Any Other Offers. Limit One C.Oupon hr Order. around 10:40 p.m. and the first Much Passion" among others. thing the lead singer did was to It was the interplay between ------1------gesture t.o the standing room the people and the Smithereens area in front of the st.age, say­ that was both a welcome and 2 Large 1 Item Pizzas I 2 Spaghetti Dinners ing, in effect, "It's OK, we want cleansing experience. for $13.95 1 W/Salad & Bread $7.49 you to be up here." The mood of the crowd was The security on hand imme­ almost brotherly by the end of -Nat Vaid W"dla Any Other Oft'en. Limil One Cmpoa Pu Order. I •Ncx Valid With Any Other Offen.. Limit One Coupon hr Order. diately formed a human wall the first and only encore. ------~------between the audience and the The Smithereens know how FREE Breadsticks I 2 Large Subs stage, little realizing that if t.o rock and everyone present thingsreallygotwild, theywould got more than their money's w/anyorderover$10.00 : for$7.99 be hurt as badly as anyone else worth, especiallyoonsideringthe •Not Valid Wllh Any Other Offen. L~ One Coupon hr Order. given their position -and lack of relatively low ticket prices. 12 The Central Florida Future• March 31, 1992 , reincarnation insmance now available by James Evans "A signature by authorized policies appeared in a Japa­ reincarnation insurance policy. other dimension must be pro­ Ifit seems high time you and aliens is acceptable," said St. nese magazine. "I asked myself, 'What if she's vided to receive payment. your loved ones were protected Lawrence. He added that such "I received quite a few orders right?' Ifthat's the case, then life All applicants are required to againstalxluction by any invad­ proof must come from another as well as an offer by someone insurancewon'tdoyouanygoodif have a sense of humor before a c. ing aliens, Altamonte Springs­ planet; Canadians don't count. who wanted to start his own you are reincarnated. In the rein­ policy is approved. If a claim is based UFO Abduction Insur­ The policy also includes agency over there," he said. carnation policy, the insured is approved, one dollar a year will ance Co. is offering lifetime ab­ double indemnity coverage in However, there was some also made the beneficiary." be paid to the holder for a period duction coverage for a mere the sum of $20 million in the difficulty in the Japanese A copy was sent to McClain of ten to 20 years. $9.95 plus shipping. event the guilty aliens refuse t.o translation of the article, and who "seemed to enjoy her policy St.Lawrence also offers a The UFO policy is the most practice safe sex, and the applicants filing policies sent very much and spoke highly ofit Ph.D. in humor. A rigorous test popular ofnine parody policies abductee encoun- ~~~~~~~~~ in blood types in- on Larry King'sradiotalkshow." is administered to weed out owner Mike St. Lawrence sells ter results in off- stead of alien per- Her comments generated pseudocomics. Only persons through the mail. He got the spring(referred to ''A signature by sonality types. about 600 new applicants for with genuine senses of humor idea after reading Whitley in paperwork as authorized aliens "I think it adds future life insurance. and practical jokesters can be­ Strieber's "Communion," a the "missing link") is acceptable." a whole new dimen- The insured has complete come degree holders. book about close encounters or the aliens use sion to the policy," karma coverage, limited to the All Ph.D. holders in B. S. will with and abductions by aliens. the abductee as a St.Lawrencenoted. planet earth, along with a 100- be listed in the Library of Con- , "I sent him a complimen­ nutritional food • Mike St. Lawrence He first began year limbo clause for policy hold­ gress alongside graduates such tary policy," St. Lawrence said. source. dabbling in the ers stuck between lives. Double as Groucho Marx. UFO INSURANCE AGENT realm of ridiculous "But I think he had mixed feel­ The policy is an indemnity can be recovered if St.Lawrence sent the degree 1 ings about my intentions. I 8 1/2 by 11 inch documents in 1987 the holder returns as a citizen or" to Groucho's son who said his have not yet received a claim document. A claim form is in­ when he formed the Future Life a third world country or as a father would have found it to be form from him yet." cluded and must be carried at Insurance Co. He wanted to lower life form. a dubious distinction. Aft.er an al::x:luctee's return. t.o all times by the policyholder. parody the idea that life insur­ The claim form, however, A phone listingin the novelty earth,$ lOmillion will be awarded On it the abductee can list_life­ ance doesn't benefit the policy requires the policyholder to section of the Orlando yellow t.o the policy holder or t.o a benefi­ forrn type and point of origin as holder. provide proof of loss and re­ pages is the only form of adver­ ciary named in the policy. Proof of well as the make and tag num­ , After the publication of turn. It must be in the posses­ tisement St.Lawrence uses. abduction must be sent in With a ber (if any) of its spacecraft. Shirley McClain's book "Out on sion ofthe insured at all times, Instead he relies on word of claim form to receive payment Recently, an article on his A Limb," St.Lawrence created a and proof of occupancy in an- mouth and the media.

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Diabetes you could also get 10% back • on all the long distance calls you make with R€fsearch Institute your card~ D The AT&T Calling Ca,rd~* Its the best route to wherever you're going. University of Miami School of Medicine 8600 NW 53rd T~m1ce Suite#202 Miami, Florida 33166 TollFree1•800•321•3437 Call more, save more with an AT&T Calling Card. AT&T Join Our Mission. Call 1800 654-0471, Ext. 5915. Together, WeC~ •Must make at least $30 worth of AT&T Long Distance Calls with your AT&T Card per quarter. Calls covered by special , , , - AT&T p[icing pJans are not included. SM • • •In addition. campus residents may place d1rect-d1aled calls using University and AT&T A.CUS service. Outlive Diabetes. ©1992AT&T March 31, 1992 •The Central Florida Future 13 RICHARDSON The Future Sports Quiz FROM PAGE 16 must be the onlyplace that would feels like to have no one care. take them. Our questions are, I want my players to under­ . . !" som ething positive. 'What brings you here?' and stand that playing this game is Richardson's task of making "What are your motivations?" just an avenue to developing their the transition from Shiprock to Richardson's accomplish­ potential as a human being. Were UCF doesn't frighten him. The ments in Shiprock go far deeper trying t.o build the whole person coach, whose black skin color then just four state champion­ through athletics." made him unique while sur­ ships, one runner-up finish, four Shiprock is living fruit of rounded by Navajo brown, district championships and a Richardson's philosophy. He has knows the process involved in total of 200 wins in 250 games. communicated a vision not only to fitting in. Richardson's style of instill­ his players but to the entire town. "It's always difficult coming ing strong discipline through Tim Gilbert believes the change into a different culture," stiff but loving leadership has that Richardson brought to Richardson ~aid. ''My sense at equipped almost all of his ath­ Shiprock is both life-changing the time was to prepare for ad­ letes to earn their high school and permanent ., justment. At the time I came, I diploma in a town where the "For example, I have a daugh­ was the only black person in the drop-out rate is almost as great ter who is 11 years old," Gilbert community. It was difficultgain­ as the 50 percent unemploy­ said. "She has always looked for­ Answers in Thursday's Issue ing their trust but after a while ment rate. Some have gone on ward to playing for Coach they saw I was there to help and to play college basketball but Richardson. She'sactuallytheone BASEBALL not hurt them." an even greater number have who told me Coach Richardson Thathornerunmarkedthe 12th was leaving. Frankly, in adult FROM PAGE 16 Tim Gilbert recalls the awk­ gone onto success as students at for Mottola, twoshyoftheall-time wardness of Shiprock in accept~ the collegiate level. terms, ~he's pis~. game shutout and earned his UCF season homerun total ing Richardson vividly. "I have a legitimate concern I think the impact he made _ secondvictoiyoftheseasonwhile The following night the "We're a pretty homogenous about education and goes beyond the basketball trik.· t · batt · · Knights weren't so lucky, losing community," Gilbert said. "If teaching.... about doing things court. His influence will carry- Sp OUh ?:e d ~:s, r~g :g 1 5-1 and falling to the hands of the right way," Richardson said. on. He's unique and the spot he u ven an isp aymg your not the same, you kind of . b h superb control by not surren­ USA pitcher Jon Lieber, who stick out and Jerry always did. "There's more to it then just fill_ ed _was umque. . ut e was_ . denng . any free passes. struck out 12 Knights. The first thmg for me was curi~ . wins. What dr:lves me Is that at here long enough to get that "H-- to. k 't. to. th- . h- Starting pitcher Jimmy §tiii . · 'Y d . 1, e o i em, e was osity and skepticism. Alot of a young age, not alot of care ~mng, es •. you can ° it. really hitting all the spots " threw three shutout innings people in Shiprock think that was given to my development as attitude deep mto the commu- M k 'd ' 't " aac sru . before tiring in the forth and for somebody to come here, this an individual. I know what it m Y· · Offensively the Knights giving up four runs that inning. crushed .Jaguard pitching, "He threw well, but his el­ B-BALL Lady Chieftains. The Chieftains progress anymore without just knocking 13 hits and spreading bow began to drop because he FROM PAGE 16 had never won a championship continuing to repeat what we their run production through­ tired, anditcosthimfourruns," threeyear8laterwhen the school's had already accomplished year out the game, scoring at least Maack said. ell said. "That's why I was so headcoach quit. With Richardson afteryear,"Richardsonsaid. ''It's one in each inning except the Sunday afternoon in the excited when we got him. I at the reigns, the team won the a difficult move. Unfortunately sixth and seventh. rubber game, UCF came out think he's got the stuff." four state championships, with for the COJilmunity of Shiprock Junior Rightfielder Chad and scored four runs during Richardson came t.o Shiprock the latest coming this past and fortunately for the Univer­ Mottola proved to be a large part of the first three innings, but re­ Pjgh School in 1980 as a special March. sity of Central Florida." theoffensethatnightbygoing2-4, mained scoreless the remain­ education teacher and became an "Professionally, I had come Richardson will make hitting a homerun, scoring twice der of the game and pulled off assist.ant basketball coach for the to a point where I couldn't $50,000 annually. and driving in three runs. a4-3 win.

,.. ...

~ ··~ STUDENT ·GOVERNMENT .~~~ ~ ~ ~ (' ....~ IIActlvltyaodlic:nia: r-cc AWARENESS WEEK 00lfi Of(eo\~i\ March 31st-April 2nd ~.:~ Tuesday. March 31st in the UDR: ~~_, • President Jason DiBona at the SLAC • meeting and at 7:30 Pm a workshop for.all Clubs &· Organizations to show You how to get funding through Student Government. Wednesday. APril 1st: • • Student Governmenf Awareness Fair from 1 • 11 am - 2 P.m on the ·· Green. Thursday. April Znd·: • Student Government ScznQte Meeting on the Green at 4 p.m. For more information call Student Government at 823-2191 or stop by SC 155 ...... 14 The Central Florida Future • March 31, 1992 lady Knights tennis team roDs to 8-8 recmd \Vhile men struggle by Jenny Duncanson great considering we've had to Marquette (4-5),Appalachian CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTURE people sick and hurt. They've State (4-5), Webber College (4- been a real surprise." 5), Southern Illinois (0-6) and Lovemeansnothingtoatennis The Lady Knights have ac- Akron (3-6). player, but a six-match winning complished this without the The coaches have been doing streak means a good deal to the top seeded player, senior a good deal of shuffling with the Lady Knight's Tennis Team. Hanne Riksheim, who has been men's line up and plan to do Since March 8, the women's out with an ankle injury. some more before the confer­ team has defeated the Univer- Riksheim played a doubles ence tournament. sity of Pittsburgh (8-1), Appala- match against Akron but was But one move the coaches are chian State (7-2), Louisville (5- bothered by the ankle. satisfied with is that of David 4),Southernillinois(7-2),Cleve- The team is not sure when Goldfarb. land State (9-0) and Middlebury Riksheim willbebackinfullswing. Goldfarb is a r~turning College (8-1). The players are a little less sophomore and began the sea­ The streak was ~~~~~~~~~ surprised at the son in the fifth seed. brokenwithaclose team's success. But he has worked his way losstoAkronState "Its been a "We've been up to the second seed and has (4-5). The women team effort.,, practicing ,quite a winningrecordof3-2 atnum- · are 8-8 overall. hard," said fresh- her two. Goldfarb has 10 wins The most im- man Elisabeth and 10 losses for the season. pressive win in the -Gail Falkenberg Granquist. "I'm ,"Goldfarb has gained better streak came over UCF TENNIS COACH not surprised." control and is playing tougher Cleveland State. Granquist is mentally," said UCF assistant The Lady happy with the coach Chris Pearson. "He is Knights swept ev­ team's perfor­ concentrating on what he is ery game in the match. mance and her own individual doing well instead of not doing Number one seede Eric Berg waits patiently for an Not one UCF player allowed performance. well. He's brought· Opponent's Serve. (Charles K. Morrow/FUTURE) their opponent to win a game, "I feel rm beginning to do bet­ his game up several notches "' singles or doubles. , ter," Granquist said ''I was ner­ since the beginning of tile sea- I The doubles team of sopho­ vous in the beginning, but rm son." mores Michele Plant and Dina happy with how rm playingnow." The teams have only five Caputa were also on a six-match The men, with a 9-11 record, matches left, including two winning streak until Akron. have not enjoyed the same suc­ tough matches against Stetson UCF Head Coach Gail cess as the women. and Florida Community Col­ Falkenberg is impressed and · Since March 8 the men are 3- lege, before the conference elated at the performance of 5, defeating Pittsburgh(6-0), tournament. the women. Cleveland State (9-0) and The teams meet Florida "It's been a team effort," Middlebury College (5-4). The Community College on Thurs­ SALES - SERVICE - RENTAL Falkenberg said. "They've done men lost several close matches day at home at 2 p.m. -

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• Doris Hair Designs • Alpha 55 Food Store 10006 Flowers Ave. 7583 University Blvd. l0 The Answer © 1992 Stanley H. Kaplan EJucatinnal Center l.ld. March 31, 1992 • The Central Florida Future 15 · Spring football p1actices intense as team prepares ·for' 92 season by Jason Lesko first team, and after .watching year and with all probability CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTURE films we will make the neces­ will be a pre-season All-Ameri­ sary adjustments." can this year. Known as an With Spring Football prac­ Although they lostAll-Ameri­ intelligent team player who tice in full swing, the Knights can Bob Spitulski, who will soon works extremely hard, he is are not viewing the practices as be drafted in NFL, the strongest also the leader of the an unnecessary evil. part of the team is the lineback­ Knightmares, a nickname that The practices are being ap­ ers, which consist of all seniors was coined for the defense. proached with as much inten­ who are returning starters. To Also returning is senior Scott sity as ever, the players want­ make up for the loss, the de­ Ariail, who played weak side ing to avenge the disappointing fense has switched to a three outside linebacker last season season last year that saw the linebacker set instead of a four opposite Spitulski. Knights underachieve at 6-5. and will add another down de­ "He is a real intense player "I can't sit here and make fensive lineman. that will really go after you. He excuses, except that our record "This new system should will have a lot of tackles this didn'treflectonhowgoocl we were," work as long as we have every­ year," Hamilton said. senior linebacker Rick Hamilt.on body working t.ogether," line­ "Going by personal, we have said. "We made a lot of mental backer coach Deek Pollard said. a lot of hard hitters. The prob­ errors and lost a few games that "It's hard to replace Spit, but lem is we need to relax a little," we shouldn't have lost." we have athletes who will hit (Ariail said). "The players are Mediocrity will not be ac­ you and that play with a lot of concentrating on learning the cepted this season by either the heart," Hamilton said. system now but it will all came coaching staff or the players. All Going int.o next fall the line­ c:lild we will be all right." know that last season's disap­ backers have more depth then Rowidingout the linebacking pointment can't happen again ever. There are 18 linebackers tandem is Vic Taylor, a hard­ Linebacker Scott Ariail (10) pursues a reooiver during this year. practicing with the squad but hitting defensemen with a su­ This springthe coaching staff many of them are young and perb nose for the football and is Saturday's saimmage. (etian.. K. Morrow/FUTURE} is trying to iron out the rough inexperienced. known as a great team player. ------• . spots and see who can play and "This is the most depth that "We are an intense group, who can't. we ever had. We are two deep at but at this time we are learning "On defense we are looking each position with people who the mechanics of our new defen­ STUDENT for the best 11 players and we can ac~y get in and play and sive system. Once we do we will will go with them," head coach for me t.o feel comfortable with," be rough," Taylor said. and athletic director Gene Hamilt.on said. The team practices Mondays, LEGAL SERVICES McDowell said. "Right now The linebacker corps is led by WednesdaysandFridaysat6:45 there are players on the second hard-hitting Hamilton, who was a.m. and scrimmages Saturday tPam thA.t.arebPttPl'th~m on thP." a Jll'P.-sea~n All-ArnP.rfoan last rnomin s at 9:30.

~8\ ~~ PROBLEMS WITH? NEED? •LANDLORDS •A WILL •INSURANCE •NAME CHANGE •CONTRACTS •UNCONTESTED ., •POLICE DISSOLUTION STUDENT LEGAL SERVICES PROVIDES STUDENTS WITH ASSISTANCE IN SELECTED AREAS OF LAW SUCH AS LAND­ LORD(I'ENANT, CONSUMER, NON-CRIMINAL, TRAFFIC & UNCONTESTED DISSOLUTIONS. QUALIFIED STUDENTS CAN RECEIVE CONSULTATION AND REPRESENTATION FREE OF CHARGE. FOR INFORMATION OR AN APPOINTMENT: CALL 823-2538 OR STOP BY SC210, MONDAY -FRIDAY 8AM-5PM Linebacker Scott Ariail (1 O) mashes starting quarterbacK uarnn Hinshaw into tne turf Saturday morning as part of spring football practices. (Chert•• tc. Morrow1FuruRE> Funded by Activity and Service Fees through the Student Government-Association Get more for your money! Largest 2 Bedrooms Near UCF - 2 bedroom/2 bath - 1,047 sq. ft. We know that there are tirr1es when you '11 find yourself working around for only $525 per month! the clock to get an important 3 bedroom/2 bath at $630! project completed on time. And $200 Deposit, $20 Application Fee. that's why we're open 24 hours a day ... every day. Iver (iet APol ~mashed! 99¢binding Choose from Vclobind"', spiral binding, or tape binding on documents up to one inch thick with card stock cover for 99¢ each (limit 1(2" on tape binding). Docs not include copies. One coupon per customer al the Kinko's !isl.Cd. Not valid with other offers. Alafaya Woods Apts. Good through April 30, 1992. · Open 24 hours 3 miles north of UCF at Alafaya Woods Blvd. behind 658-9518 fRlfNDS OON'l lH fRltNDS Publix in Oviedo! DRIVf DRUNK. 365-8388 Sports March 31. 1992 16 Lady Knights get new coach UCF brings in high school legend by Jamie Johnson SPORTS EDITOR The label hanging over the UCF athletic depart­ ment of neglecting its women's teams was cut off last week when the school hauled in one ofthe nation's most heralded high school coaches to take over the reigns of the Lady Knight's basketball team. Jerry Richardson will leave his position as head coach at Shiprock High School on the Navajo Nation reservation in NortheastNew Mexico to fill the women's basketball coaeh position for UCF. The position was left open last summer when Beverly Knight suddenly resigned to take the head coaching position at North Georgia College. Initially, Athletic Director Gene McDowell looked to women's volleyball coach Laura Smith as a temporary replacement. As the volleyball season came to a close and the women's basketball team began practice in the New women's basketball coach comes to fall, Smith bo~ed out, forcing the Athletic Department to scramble to find a replacement. UCF after transforming Navajo commtmity The Knight's tennis coach, Gail Falkenberg, was avail­ ableandMcDowellmovedswiftlytonameher astheteam's by Jamie Johnson outpost within the Navajo Nati on. A land forgotten. interim coach in order to quell unrest that had broken out SPORTS EDITOR Richardson's qualifications to jump out of a high · on the team in the midst of the confusion. school in a community of less than 7 ,000 people to a While the Lady Knights took the court under the When UCF selected Jerry Richardson to coach their university that boasts 22, 000 students comes fro@ leadership of Falkenberg in hopes of salvaging the women's basketball program they banked on the belief what the 35-year old product of Texarkana, Texas year, the Athletic Department began the task ofsearch­ that qualities such as leadership, discipline and com­ managed to accomplish at Shiprock High. ing for a long-term women's basketball coach. munication have a universal ability to produce success. In 1980, Jerry Richardson arrived~ Shiprock ~ Both were far more successful then most observers An ability that transcends geographic location and teach special education and serve as an assistant coach could have predicted. social differences. on a girl's basketball team in a community ravaged by Falkenberg led her team toa 10-18 record that stands as Richardson comes to UCFfrom Shiprock, New Mexico poverty, pain and self-pity. Two years later Richards n an incredible accomplishmentcomingagainst the toughest where he led theShiprock.High Chieftains girl's basketball was given the job as head coach and then proceeded to schedule UCF has ever played. team to four state championships in the last five years. do the miraculous. He made a community of proven "Our women did the best job they've ever done," Yet the University of Central Florida in Orlando is losers, believe they were winners. McDowell said. "Coach Falkenberg did a fantastic job a long way away from Shiprock, New Mexieo. The town ofSh iprock has rallied around the succe s and all ofthis came against the toughest opponents this The high arid plane Shiprock lies on bears little ofRichardson's team, bringingpositive change not only program had ever faced." resemblance to the muggy, semi-tropical Florida land­ to dozens of young ladies but to the entire community. The Athletic Department then managed to land scape. The 1,700 foot tall prominence th at rises above 'The games, itself, are probably the community even Richardson, whose success at leading a Navajo high school the little towncould never be confused with Orlando's of the year," Tim Gilbert, who works at the sixty-bed, girl's basketball team to four state championships in five Sun Bank building. federally-funded hospital located in Shiprock said. ''It's like years has received repeated-national attention. The northeastern New Mexico terrain boasts none ofthe 4-6,000 people packed into the Shiprock 'Pit' r9 Richardson has been featured on NBC, ESPN, in The pine and oak treesthatshadethe UCFcampus,filledinstead Around thirty percent of our population is fifteen New York Times and in Reader's Digest in February. with non-descript-shrubs, juniper and sage trees. and younger. With all that come the problems ofhaving McDowell remarks that such recognition certainly In Shiprock there are tumbleweeds. In Orlando: a lot of teens experimenting with alcohol, gang activi~, got the attention ofUCF athletics. only weeds. etc. Jerry's contribution was something for us to be "Heck, they're making·a movie about him," McDow- The difference between Orlandoans and the inhabitants able to say, in the midst of all the darkness, "Ah, here's ofShlProck is equally dramatic. Where Orlando isa thriving B-BALL continued page 13 andgrowingcity cm anati.onal leve~ Shlprock is an isolated RICHARDSON continued page ra

by Jason Lesko by winning two of three. STAFF WRITER "Central Florida has a cla.:s program. They have good pitch­ The UCF baseball squad, ing and play aggressively on of­ having b een unsuccessful fense," Jaguars head coat:h against ranked opponents thus Steve Kittrell said. far, found luck against confer­ Although they beat South Ala­ ence rival University of South bama, ranked well into the top20, I. Alabama this weekend. the Knights still don't expect to The Knights (23-10, 4-4 in find themselves ranked yet conference play)have lost to "We tell our guys not to wol'f.l Ohio State, USC and defending about the rankings because all national champions I.SU, all it is an ego thing," pitching coach ranked in the top 20. Mike Maack said. "If we keep on After losing to I.SU Tues- playing well, rankings will ta.Ile 4aynight 5-2, the Knights went care of itself, but as for now I back the next night with Joe don't want to be ranked because Wagner on the hill but the that's when everybody goes .­ game was rained out. He threw ter you harder." two innings of shutout ball be­ Thrashing the Jaguards Fri­ fore the umpires called the game day night, the Knights got trr­ because of the lighting. mendous support from both the The Knights were able to offense and defense. shake the monkey off their Wagner, a hard throwin$ backs against USA, ranked sophomore, threw a complete UCF pitcher Joe Wagner's complete pitching motion recorded on film through multiple 12th by Baseball America and exposure photography. Wagner pttched UCF to victory over USA (Chanes K. MorrowJFuruRE) 17th in Collegiate Baseball, BASEBALL continued page 13 r SPITSp. 123 COLLISION p. 28 Baseball team goes U2 plays at Arena­ APRIL FOOL'S crazy during hail stonn pays students to come DAY HITTS UCF

Hail storin kills half of students, so? by Frankie All-bull band- of muckrakers; however, CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTILE these would-be rescuers were also pummeled by the fallingbornbs. Byallaccounts,itwasone"hail" President John C. Hittman, of a week. when informed of the situation, Asthenowinfamoushailstorm said,"Well, rm sorry thl~ hap­ moved in on UCF like a biblical pened, but there is a bright spot plague, staff members of the CFF here. At least there will be some rushed into the very mouth of the new vacancies in the summer se­ frozen beast in order to continue mesters." the tradition of truly first-class Another student speculated - and in-depth reporting that read­ that the reason for the rapid suc­ ers have been accustomed to. Un­ cession of hailstorms in the past fortunately, in their haste to "get it few weeks was punishment for firstandgetitright,n several mem­ violatingacomrnandrnent "W~ve bers ofthe Futile staffwere struck been worshipping the almighty down in the prime of their dollar around here for so long, jounalistic lives by the ice bombs. the big man upstairs is fed up," Onestudentwhowitnessedthe he said. massacre said the last words ut­ "Iknewtheydidn'thave sense tered by a reporter were, "Does enough to come in out of the this mean we miss our deadline?' rain, but who would have Nearby, students rushed to the thought they'd be dumb enough aid of the ill-fated but dedicated to get beat to death by hail?"

holding several murder indict­ by Joe Valachl Hittman was eventually sub­ CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTILE dued by U. S. Navy pilots in a ments in the name of Tomaso, squadron ofF-18safter he held off who was also known in the under­ Students on the UCF campus both the federal agents and an world as "The Pillsbury witnessed a shoot-out at the Ad­ Orange County SWAT unit with Doughboy." ministration. Building on Tues­ an arsenal ofautomatic and semi- It was learned that Tomaso day when federal assault teams automatic weapons. had taken on the more respectable and newly named UCFPresident "It was the only way that we nameJohnC.Hittrnanafterstran­ John C. Hittrnanbattledfornearly could bring him down,.,, said U.­ gling and hiding the body of the three hours. Cdr. Rex"Slide"OfRhedek, squad­ true Hittman, interim president The federal task force, nick­ ron leader of the Naval Tactical of the University ofMaine. named "Just Because" by Presi­ Air Group basedoutofCecilField, As the federal circle tightened dent George Bushweed, was Jacksonville, Fla. in on him, it became necessary for staked out hours before sunrise, Tomaso to again relocate. Using hoping to ambush Hittman on his 'Tm proud of my boys. They oontacts with the Bonano famlly way to work. really wasted this place," in New York, he arranged for the "We was hoping to catch him OfRhedeck said while st.andingin events that eventually led to the unawares,"saidSpecialAgentJoe front of the smoking remains of retirement of Stephen Altboy. Friday. "But, as usual, he was one the structure that used to be the "He hoped that by coming step ahead of us." university'sAdministmtionBuild- South, he could continue eluding The groupwasassernbledafter ing, us/' Friday said 'This time Mr. Ts FBI agents learned that Hittman Federal authorities revealedin luck ran out on him though." was, in actuality, Carmine ''Mr. T' a follow-up statement concerning Dr. Charlie PeedoftheBoredof Tomaso, a freelance mob execu­ the operation that Hittman had Regents convened an emergency Administration building goes up in smoke and is turned tioner who, according to informed been masquerading as an aca­ meeting to try and locate an sources, has murdered more than demic figure for several years in interim president for the unic into rubble. (Munchln' DeHoagletFutile Asst.Photo Messiah) 30 people over the past 23 years. the hope of eluding authorities versity. - Foreign language requirement becomes history in Florida by Banana Macon said Patting Rearend, director chair, carried him kicking and UCF students had dropped Let's go get 'em!" said Stupid INCESSANT NEWS AGITATOR of public gossip for the BORE. screaming out of the building theirforeign language classes just Gooberment President Jason In addition, twoofthefouryears and heaved him into the green two weeks ago, confident that the DiBonehead during an organiza­ The confusion is over. · must be spent studying in the waters of the Reflecting Pond. require~ent would be lessened. tional meeting Wednesday night. The Bored of Regents an­ foreign country. Other students have threat­ · So, while across the state stu­ G.G. Marlin, SGoob intimate nounced Wednesday that it is "We arejustfed up with all the ened to do the same to other dents by the thousands are drop­ relations director, announced abolishing the foreign language complaining and rioting that has administrators. pingoutofforeignlanguageclasses today that they plan to sneak

requirement altogether1 effec­ come from the UCF campus." The BORE's decision overrode andholdingtext.book-bumingpar­ into the BORE office at pre­ tive immediately. Rearend was referring to an UCF President John Hittman's ties in the streets, here at UCF cisely 9:30 tonight. This decisions however, does incidentlastThursdayin which adoption of a requirement that theyaremakingplansforaheated Kym Flatwood, SGoob cheap not apply to UCF. 36 students stormed into the required three semesters of for­ trip to Tallahassee. election commissioner, said "We agreed to raise the re­ office of Feela Cramp, UCF's eign language for the College of "OK, we'vegot25hatenotes,30 quirement at UCFtofouryears," foreign language department Farts and Appliances. Post-It! pads and 20markerpens. See rest of story on page F3 F2 The Central Florida Future• April 1, 1992 Graduation moved, ~AB~~tl!liged A! ••• by Sloof Lirpa hours behind us in''' time zones, CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTILE that really puts the graduation time at just a bit before mid­ In a last minute administra­ night Sunday," he noted. "Be­ tive moves UCF graduates were sides, you should see the deal informed that graduation cer­ we got on the place." emonies, ·originally seheduled The 0-rena rental was set at for May 4 in the Orlando Arena, $7,642. VFW members under­ have once again been altered. cut that figure by a full $3.23. Instead of the 0-rena, the "Ah~yup," said Jedediah 1992 graduation ceremonies will Thumbtwittle, mayor of Nome be held in VFW Hall # 1264 in and post commander ofthe local Nome, Alaska.Additionally, the VFW. "Them city slickers from 7 p.m. start time for the ceremo­ Orlando really got us in a bind nies has been moved up several with that thar bid." hours to 3:30 a.m. Further comments by· "We hope that the students Thumbtwittle were muffled by will be happier with our new constant laughing and snick­ choice," said Eugene Balustrade, ering. · ( I administrative assistant to the "The new selection process· Prez balances budget Lotto-style under assistant for the.provost. was quite involved," said "A lot of people seemed upset Balustrad. by Frank All-bull and that's where the imagina­ bers worth $10 million. 'That's with the late start on a Monday, "It took long hours of agoniz- CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTILE tion part came in." approximately the amountthe leg­ so we rescheduled for the-morn­ ing decisions and painstaking Hittman said he decided to islature has cut our budget over ing slot so that parents and work to arrive at the new loca- UCF President John purchase a lotto ticket "andjust the last couple of years," Hittman friends ofthe graduates wouldn't tion~ But once that dart finally • Hittman, in a surprise an­ see what happened." Realizing, said. ''I believe after we pay all our have to miss work." stuck in the map, we knew we nouncement, said he has solved however, that the odds on win­ bills, we may just have enough to "After all, since Alaska is four had our place." the financial problems at UCF ning the lotto are more than 14 buy a few more erasers." jjiiijijiiijiijijiiijjiijiijiiiijiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii using what can be best described million to one, Hittman decided The fact that the jackpots are as creative, even metaphysical, to reach for a little help from the normally paid in installments means. . stars also. over a 20-year period is some­ "You know, Einstein once "First, I dialed up Nancy thing Hittman may be able to Q said, 'Imagination is more im­ Reagan's old psychic advisors," circumvent. Evidently high­ portant than knowledge'," he said. Then, in a conference level state officials like Gov.

Hittman said. "So I employed call with them and lottery nu­ Walkin Smiles are interested in (4 that theory, and WHAM! the merologist, Clair Voyant, the Hittman's methods and said answer hit me like a legislative winning combination of num­ they would be willing to waive budget cut." bers was-arrived at. ''We came - that rule in order to learn his "I was th inking about the lot­ up with six numbers we felt secrets. tery and how it is supposed to were sure to win million s for the Hittman said he never con­ help fund education in Florida," university," Hittman said. sidered keeping the millions for he said. "After I got through At the conclusion of the Sat­ himself because, "I've got this laughing, I h appened to look at urday night's drawing, Hitt reoccurring nightmare about the UCF insignia that hangs on checked his ticket and found Mike Wallace storming into my the wall in my office. I saw the that he and his advisors had, office. There's no way I wanted motto ["Reach for the stars."] indeed, picked the winningnum- that." · Check bouncers abound at SGoob and they're d~ proud of it by Sandra Fettuccine afterpolice arrested him for obscene behav­ vealedthenamesoftheworstoffenders, but ThoseSGoob memberswhodidrftbounce FUTILE FLUP-UP ior and indecent exposure while he per­ other senagoobs and executive goobers are checks reprimanded theirfellowsenagoobs formed with his band the Murder Junkies coming forward to admit their financial and executive goobers. Stupid Gooberment members have ere-' ~ a downtown nightclub. bunglings before their names are released. "All I can say is, I have a perfect financial ated their own version of the national con­ Thom Leaks bounced more than 80 Among these are SGoob CQmptroller reconL and t.o all those that don't, 'Nyah, gressional check-bouncing scandal A ~ checks during his term as director of legis­ Gimme'-some-cash Elmer, who admitted nyahs nyah'," SGoob vice-president Mark cent investigation has shown that mem­ lative goop. Leaks, who has spent the past to The Central Florida Futile, "I have no Dogface said smugly. bers of SGoob have collectively bounced yearlobbyinggovemmentformorerespon­ concept of how to manage my finances, or Dogface,DiBoneheadandformerSGoob countless numbers of checks during the sible funding, wrote bad checks. to pay for anybody else's for that matter." Elmer said senate pro goob Don Dangley all claim to past year. materials used to run for president of the it was "looks and charm" that won him the have never bounood a check To illustrate The worst offender was SGoob Intimate Unifud. States as an independent candi­ position of comptroller, in which he over­ theirpoint, theyarewearingl:uttonsaround Relations Director G.G. Marlin, who had date. The checks paid for billboards and sees the SGoob budget. campus proclaiming, "No rubber in our lf written more than 300 bad checks during pinsbearingtheslogan, ~akeALeakin the SGoobPresidentJasonDiBoneheadsaid checks, only in our wallets." the past year. Marlin had used many ofthe Voting Booth this Fall." that an investigation into Elmer's handling The buttons ')nake a point," Dangley worthless checks to paycourtcostslastyear The internal investigation has only re- of his job will be done immediately. said proudly. Correctian <.,(

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FR EKE All you FREKEs it's that time of year again! Let's get crazy as we Pie Uppa Klutzes begin FREKE WEEK! FREEK Lost-a leather skirt, two chains Pukes, get ready to come out to WEEK! FREEK WEEK! We're and a pair of handcuffs. If found adore our Geek Man of the Year, gonna take first place again be­ please call Ethel Hillbury at Elder Jason DiBonehead. Festivities cause we're the only FREKES Nursing Home. include the Neanderthal Look-A­ on campus! like Contest. We'll meet at the Lost-all of the furnishings for the Puke castle and go out to get TWA TWATWA Visual Arts Building. If anyone finds toasted. Bring your marshmal­ Oh gins, the contest is coming up. things lio party. We're going to work of intelligence in the financial aid your bodies and see just how lirrber office will meet this Friday to dis­ OH BABY!BABY! You keep teas­ you are. There's a $200 cover cuss how to lose files and delay ing me, but I'm gin' to tag you. No charge, but ZITs are worth tt . checks. NOT!

.. ----(;...~~!I---- ~ April 34th - March 1st Toosday- March 3 in the UDR Dining Room President Jason DiBonehead will give a workshop on: TM CAMPUS AGnATION BOARD IM Art1111 WMll1111""'1tion wlll NEVER 11111m N lltld. Evtll S.Goob dingbat training. No brains required (but then again. when llK>u//J yo11.-1 lirt11tl; p11ltl !or I/is tO/lttrt olt1J11um wlt/J sttJt/tllt !ta. CAI will Id p pity !or it q11l11 lor are they ever required?) IM low pritt ol11 t/Jllt migllt k pllf tow1tl a 110HXlsftlll tOllttrfWM!imt in lltt ndulous 11/furt. T111Sf us poor sftJtlln/1 tlis ls wortll lasll'ng all Wlt'k. For more information, call Stupid Gooberment at UCF·DUMB. Jason DiBonehead • Mark Dogf ace ,., Students Serving Themselves ...... ? JJ 0 t l ce : &Jenee s~oul~ 00 ooom~ mtnat ~e£11le JU t~ lhinl !'OJ cu MU Rtfunds will De gif en ~ IBO ~ffie fin~ ! Ir.al cloms .. The Central Florida Future Spits Apnl 1. 1992 F4 mtt shuftles Athletic director position vacant UCFcoaches <.• by D. Rand McNally McBowell hospitalized CENTRAL FLORIDA FUTILE by Doodoo Brown After several months of debate, the BASEBALL SCRIBBLER issue has finally been settled. UCF athletic director and head foot­ In a move that is shocking, the UCF ball coach Gene McBowell expressed . \I community president John Hittman, in earlier this year that he would like to the mist of the intense budget cutbacks, relinquish one of his positions within has decided to conglomerate the coach­ the athletic department in order to ingresponsibilities and rearrange coach­ focus his attention and channel his ing duties because of the disagreements energies into a single role. over what sports deserve the majority of McBowell sent a letter last week to new the athletic budget. UCF President John Hittman saying that "It's too bad we have to do this but the he has made the decision to resign from funds are lacking university-wide, but coaching, but wanted to continue to func­ we will let the coaches decide what,sport tion as the university's athletic director. they want each other to coach," Hittman "I just want to say that rm not step­ said from his UCF funded private jet. ping down; rm merely stepping aside," "We will be taking our present staff of McBowell said at a hastily-called press coaches, droppingtheirindividualnames conference Sunday afternoon. at the into a large hat with pr.etty feathers on Florida Hospital "The way that our it and then picking by random for who university and our athletic department will get what position. have grown so rapidly in the past few This way, no one can charge there are years, there just wasn't enough time for any personal motives. It will all be up to me to do justice to both jobs. Then Hitt the luck of the draw, combined ofcourse comes up with this picking names out of with the factor of how much each coach a hat thing. I am the EMPEROR!!! is willing to contribute to this great insti­ 'Tm still a football coach, but I guess rm tution financially." abusin,essmanfirst;IamtheEMPEROR!!!­ Former.athletic director and head that's why I decided to keep the job as football coach Eugene McBowell was athleticdirectorinsteadofcoach-theAD. reportedly enraged wheri he found out is more of a business role." that he would be leaVing the athletic McBowell added that he felt it was a director's office and out coaching the better business practice to perform one tennis and Intramural teams. job efficiently than to try and do two half­ McBowellis reportedly in stable con­ assed jobs. dition at Florida Hospital in recovery "I think the straws fell where fate from a heart attack he suffered _immedi­ would have them," Hittman said after ately after being told of the changes. The UCF's former head coach and athletic director Gene McBowell looks visiting McBowell at the hospital. "I have only indication of there being permanent on, mumbling, "I am th_e EMPEROR!!!" (Chunky Tomorrow/FUTILE PHOTO MESSIAH) all the confidence in the world in Gene, damage to the coaches health is his con­ both as a football coach and an athletic stant repetition of the words, "I am the "Uurgh!!!-;" McBowell said. "AAhk, temper and his reputation as an overtly director, and he has performed splen- · EMPEROR!! I am the EMPEROR!!!" boie? I am the EMPEROR!!!" emotional man. didly in both capacities; but they are two "All the coaches got together and de­ In a sick joke, Bugman the former "fve seen him throw so many things different jobs for two different people. cided that we were sick of the fact that he b~seball coach was named basketball, that we thought it would be funny to see Have you heard him shout that, 'I am the only gives his football team the funds," and track coach. him throw golf clubs around when he EMPEROR!!' stuff?" former baseball coach Gay Bugman said. "I thought it would be funny because loses it," fonner tennis, and women's After Hittman evaluated McBowell "We are all sick of him saying that no Bugmans' knees are in horrible shape, to basketball coach Mail Vulcanberg·said. at Florida Hospital yesterday, the new sports matter here other then football, so name him basketball coach just to see In a move of sympathy Dean was president has decided to relieveMcBowell we showed him by combining our funds limping up and down the court and having named volleyball coach also so he can from both positions. McBowell, Hittman to get the guy out. He acted like he was to jump around all the time,"formerbaske~ still storm up and down the sidelines, says, is just not sane enough to carry on. emperor or something." ball coach James Dean said. pulling his hair out. . "I can't Jead a school with a man ' McBowell will take over the·tennis, and Dean didn't fair much better being There is just one question that all the screaming, "I am the._EMPEROR!!!" all the ARCADIA field hockey team, with no named the head golf coach and volleyball the time. He should know that rm the financial support from the university. coach. Everybody knows about his irate TRY & FIND IT continued page 00 emperor and just stay in bed" Spits page revolts against Futile, now independent by Malcontent X ally think that they really, re­ he is writing this story right know, none of us reely know programs,"Buffalo said. "You SPORTS CONFEDERA TOR ally get jelluss because we're now, it would be unprofessional how to right. Instead we came guys never covered us anyways. really, really good so they just to quote him and probably even up with this independence No, you guys are always out In perhaps the most startling talk bad about us.during edito­ a little ridiculous to mention stough. So come on readers, there getting free meals and tiy­ we can't afford to reely run our revelation since President rial meetings and they com­ how lovely his fiancee is. ing to rub shoulders with the ( Altboy'sfallfromgrace, theCen:. plain that we don't no English. However, in talking to vol­ own press and publishour own Orlando Tragic and World tral Florida Futile Sports Page Its just jellucy, really." leyball/women's basketball/ section. League of American Foosball. has broken all ties with the Cen­ Futile editor and Theif Jamie tennis beat writer Henny This is the plan. Take your I know who your readers are tral Florida Futile. Farte believes the sudden split Duncandaughter says The Futilee and rip it in half. One and what they want. Though Effective immediately, the between the Futile and what will Page has immediate plans for halfwill be that sealy news stuff. only an average of five hundred Sports Page has changed it's now be called, simply, The Page, is how the sports section will The other half. .. The Page!" students show up at this school's moniker to The Page. During just proof of the irresponsible im­ carry out their independence. In an effort to estimate the athletic events, these kids sud­ an intense and heated late maturity of the former-Futile "Welll, this all reelly started community reaction to The denly want to read about the night section meeting, the staff sports section. winn Laetner made that last Page's move for independence, weekend's sports when they get of the sports page decided that 'Those sports guys are sooo second 15 foot jump shot to Bob Buffalo, the university's to school the next week.I know" they had been held under the stupid," Farte said. 'They don't give Duke the winning edge Sports Information Selector was Buffalo will serve as The bondage of servitude to the even know how to talk. Just look over Kentucky the other nite," interviewed for comments. Page's fan mail collator. Futile too long. two inches above this quote in this Duncansister said. "We got real Buffalo is considered an ex­ The Page asks thatyou would "We are really, really tired stoiy and you can see that they're mad and we were reely want­ pert on collegiate press and the then put the remaining garbage, of them guys wanting us to not professional. I say goodbye ing to do something to strike readership of the Futile by him­ or the ripped out pages of the edit are storees and stough," and good riddance." back. We wood of written a self and by his immediate fam­ Futile News section, in a trash baseball beat writer Mason The Page's editor will be letter to our congressmen ily. receptacle. Revolution is no Letsgo said. "We really, really Malcontent X, former sports about the education funds or "It won't really effect the like sports and we really, re- editor with the future, but since something but as our readers school's athletic FREE AT LAST continued