Page 6 September 17, 2009 EL SEGUNDO HERALD Frankly Plank Steelers Start Title Defense by choking the “star.” The claims By Duane Plank that Tequila was intoxicated, and he attempted in the AFC First off, an apology was asked for by the coach still has a job? QB Carson Palmer NASCAR Guy, who scoffed at my prediction to dissuade her from leaving the home. Just By Duane Plank being a good guy. Last week, you were all treated to my had better rebound from his elbow problems that the Air Force- Blue Bruins would get of last season, or even the Raiders might be worked in last weekend. Think Tequila signed a citizen’s arrest warrant Carnac-type predictions regarding the NFC. against Merriman, charging him with false Sure that you saved the column for future favored over the Bungles when the two meet I made the bold prognostication that coach at a near-empty stadium in Oakland around Neuheisel and his charges would get stomped imprisonment and battery. Maybe this saga reference material, right? Put it next to those should have played out in the courts, or recipes Aunt Clarabelle left you before she Thanksgiving. Turkeys for all! by about 20. Turns out that the Bruins ac- Cleveland Browns (5-11): New head coach tually won the game 19-15. But lost their maybe not. Turns out the law folks didn’t was carted off to the funny farm? believe the allegedly over-served bimbo, and Guess what, football fans? You get another , jettisoned by the Jets, waited starting to a busted jaw after until a few days before the home opener some late-game, inane play-calling by the decided not to pursue the case. And waste a dose of the football gospel according to Plank. lot of taxpayer money. This week, we will helpfully preview the against the to name Brady Bruin brain trust. Quinn as the starting QB. Course those of No apology here, but I was wrong. Which Either way, Merriman appears to be on very 16 teams vying for the AFC championship. thin ice with those in the Charger hierarchy, Okay, 15 teams have a shot, but we will you who follow pinheaded Terrell Owens is all right. Sometimes it is all right to be on Twitter were apparently alerted to the wrong, right? You ever been wrong? Thought who seem to have tired of the hit-man’s Hol- also mention The Pride and Poise up north. lywood act. Don’t expect to see the linebacker RIP, Al Davis. monumental signal-caller decision before so. Ask your spouse, kind readers. It is what the announcement became official. And to it is, so let’s move forward. in a San Diego uniform in 2010. , AFC East (12-4): Remember folks, what your mother said The Pats somehow missed the playoffs in think, some folks think Twitter is a waste of Can’t believe that Tennessee coach Lane time. I know when one of the Brownies wins Kiffin allowed his team to get rolled, but he back in the day? Nothing good happens ‘08 even though they finished the season after 2 a.m. Because this is the world we 11-5. Jovial head coach Bill Belichik had will come. Guess who they play a couple of did. Also found out a bit of trivia--that Kif- days after Xmas? fin used to occasionally drop in to the spot now live in, Tequila was blasting out tweets to play basically the entire season without to her Twitter followers, disparaging Merri- surefire Hall of Fame QB , who , AFC South (10-6): down the road where I do my research. So The Colts have a breather on October 25 said an unimpeachable column supporter. man and his football team. Checked out her went down with a season-ending knee injury Twitter page and saw that she has 251,270 in the first 15 minutes of the regular season. when they play my St. Louis Rams, who are Ran into another column fan the other day. picked by some Las Vegas wise guys to be Ha, ha, that makes three! Sort of a supporter. followers. Wow, lots and lots of folks with Brady is back, but his backup Matt Cassel a lot of time to waste, apparently. Did I tell has moved on to Kansas City, so if Brady the underdog in every game they play this She was kind enough to say she perused the season. Sheeeeesh, talk about lack of respect. ramblings, but asked how Brother Chris had you that I have a Twitter account? Haven’t goes down again, 12 and 4 could easily flip- tweeted yet, but maybe the time has come. flop to 4 and 12. Anyway, the Colts return signal-caller Peyton the time to sell tons of real estate and pen Manning, who will now look to receiver three masterful columns each week. Pointed Anyway, Ms. Nguyen was still blasting Dolphins (9-7): The Fish were the away at Merriman. Here is a sample of her surprise team in the NFL regular season in Reggie Wayne as his number one option to out to her that it was Duane Plank who writes stretch the field. Injuries struck Indy in ‘08, the three brilliant tomes, not Chris. She said brilliant tweeting: “Where in the law does it ‘08, swimming from the trash heap of a one- say if ur friend is drunk, make sure to beat win season in ‘07 to notch 11 wins and the but they seem to have sufficient depth to something akin to “whatever.” take the division this time around. Help me out, folks. What the heck is “reality her and choke her? No!” And she also let division title. A first-game playoff loss to the her followers know that she was rooting for still smarts; the Dolphins Tennessee Titans (10-6): Don’t know that TV?” Is it dumping a bunch of folks onto a the Titans were a mirage last year. After all, desert island, hoping that they will nearly kill the Raiders in Monday night’s game against won’t be able to sneak up on any of their the Chargers. Seems to me she would be a opponents this year. They have been given they did start the season 10-0 before falling each other or sleep with each other as they to the Jets and plummeting to a 13-3 record, chase some big monetary prize sponsored perfect fit in the “Black Hole” up in Oakland. the toughest schedule in the NFL, so while I am making the assumption that your Raid- the ‘Fins may actually play better this season, which still nabbed them a home playoff game, by one of the TV network conglomerates? which they gagged to the Ravens, 13-10. Is that reality? Whose reality? Sounds like ers started out the season 0-1, thumped by they won’t see an uptick in wins. the Chargers. If, by some miracle, the Raid- (8-8): New coach Rex Ryan Coach Jeff Fisher lost behemoth D-lineman contrived pablum to me. Albert Haynesworth to the Washington Red- Reason I ask is because of an incident ers were victorious, well, my bad. Probably took a look at the quarterback roster when need to apologize to Raider fan next week. training camp commenced and basically gave skins, but Fisher is astute enough to plug that blighted the sporting world last week the holes in the dike. Look for running back involving San Diego Charger linebacker Interesting group of ballers up in the beau- the job to USC’s . Sanchez tiful city of Oakland. You are familiar with looked tentative and skittish at times in the Chris Johnson to thrive in his second year Shawne Merriman and alleged reality TV playing for payola. chick . Reports have referred the training camp incident in which head preseason, but what the heck, the only other coach Tom Cable allegedly punched assistant option was starting , who Houston Texans (8-8): Hit the scheduling to Ms. Tequila as a “star.” Gimme a break, daily double, with contests against both folks. Call me old fashioned, unhip, uncool, coach Randy Hanson in the jaw, sending the has done nothing to distinguish himself in defensive assistant to the hospital, right? Or his three prior seasons. Oakland and St. Louis. Time for the Texans call me whatever, but a chick whose claim to take the next step and make a concerted to fame appears to be hosting some type of that the team cut veteran, reliable, winning (6-10): Coach is quarterback Jeff Garcia from the squad, strapped in to the cliched hot seat after his playoff run. Their offense was ranked third bisexual dating show on MTV ain’t no “star.” overall last season, and if QB Matt Schaub Now Meryl Streep, that’s a star. probably because he is actually a better team finished the ‘08 season with only two QB than numero uno draft pick JaMarcus wins in the final 10 contests. A slow start stays healthy, should be able to take advantage Anyway, there are many, many labels that of opening the season with three of their first I can use in discussing Ms. Thien Thanh Russell? So now the Poise Boys will rely for the Bills and the fourth-year coach will totally on the unproven, fat, overpaid QB be toast. Jauron better hope that QB Trent four games at home. But an opening loss to Thi Nguyen (Tequila’s real name) and her the Jets doesn’t help. Look for stud D-lineman important accomplishments on the way to from LSU. Sorry, LSU guy Randy, but I Edwards and malcontent receiver Terrell don’t believe that you read this column, do Owens hook up early and often. If Owens to continue terrorizing QBs. “stardom,” but this is a family-oriented Jacksonville Jaguars (4-12): Could be a column (sometimes), and I’ll let you come ya? Maybe a friend will let you know that is a factor, look for wide out Lee Evans to you were referenced? have a big year, much like in ‘06 when the long season for coach . Or, if up with your own verbiage to describe the as expected, the Jags stink, it could be a very 27-year-old opportunistic gold digger. Speaking of not reading the column, shout speedster corralled 82 passes. out to my alleged good friend Steve W., who I , AFC North (13-3): The short season for the ex-Trojan, entering his Back to the Merriman story. Typical he seventh season at the helm in Jacksonville. said, she said brouhaha probably involving dunderheadedly allowed to be in my wedding defending champs actually have an 18 years ago. Anyway, Steve never reads my easier schedule this season than the one they An 0-5 start is a distinct possibility, what a little of this and a little of that. Reports with games against Indy, Arizona, Houston, are that Merriman and Ms. Nguyen were stuff, says it is not available in the fine city faced in ‘08. And that includes a walkover of Lawndale. Which is a crock. Lots of dirt against the Raiders in early December. QB Tennessee and Seattle on the first part of the hanging out at Merriman’s pad very early schedule. Del Rio could be gone before the one fine morning when a dispute arose, and, on Steve could be revealed down the road. Ben Roethlisberger and most of his friends Not a Raider hater, by the way. Would are back, and 20 of the 22 starters return Jags play host to St. Louis on October 18. according to the Tequila chick, Merriman San Diego Chargers, AFC West (12- tried to stop her from leaving the premises See Frankly, Page 19 for Pittsburgh, who will be taking aim on hoisting a seventh SB trophy in February. 4): Should be able to waltz through their As long as complacency doesn’t set in, and divisional games, what with Denver and Hyperion or it shouldn’t with coach Mike Tomlin and Kansas City rebuilding, and Oakland being Aircraft Noise all of his assistants returning, the Steelers Oakland. Nothing less than an appearance should be still playing ball late in January. in the AFC Championship game is expected Baltimore Ravens (10-6): The Ravens by the Charger faithful, who see an offense Complaint Hotline We are now a Registered eBay Drop surprised many folks last year, advancing to featuring QB , running back Off Location. LaDainian Tomlinson, and tight end Antonio the AFC Championship Game with a rookie (310) 640-CITY We sell your antiques & head coach in and rookie QB Gates, and expect points-a-plenty. Must deal (2489) Collectibles for you on eBay. in . Can they do it again? Probably with road games at Pittsburgh, New York (Giants), Dallas and Tennessee. First bring your item in. not, but the Ravens should be testy enough (7-9): A new head coach IF YOU HAVE A COMPLAINT If it is worth $100 or more, we will: to push the Steelers and be in the battle for in Josh McDaniels and a new QB in ex- REGARDING Research, Photograph & List it on eBay a wild card spot. They have a punishing, Bear Kyle Orton. Coach Mike Shanahan Answer Buyer Questions big play defense, filled with studs who think was canned after 14 years at the helm in Pack & Ship Sold Items touchdown once they have forced a turnover. Hyperion or LAX Denver, opening the door for the young please call the Write you a check And they play the Raiders in the final week of the regular season. McDaniels to take over. And take over he City of El Segundo Free Appraisals Anytime (6-10): Don’t know did, shipping 25-year-old QB Jay Cutler to Chicago. Pouting wide receiver Complaint Hotline Bring your items to: how coach , entering his Bring your items to: Brandon Marshall, who spent the preseason 401 E. El Segundo Blvd. seventh season in charge, keeps his job. A 337 Richmond Street or moping and walking through workouts, was (Pat’s Tire Bldg. @ Arena) four-win season in ‘08, buffoonish if not All complaints will be Or call 310-416-1233 Or call 310-416-1233 suspended for a short time prior to the start DAILY 9-5:30 law-breaking, off-the-field behavior by many Reviewed by City staff. DAILY 9-5:30 of the season. Seems to kid wants a bigger www.studioantiques.com of the miscreants that have besmirched the www.studioantiques.com Bengal roster during the Lewis tenure, and paycheck. Don’t we all? See Steelers, pege 19