Who Is Hasson?

VOLUME XXXVII—Z—7R8 THE OFFICIAL'ORGAN"— LEXOGRAD, SIBERIA; MARCH If, m7 NUM HER 23

Spring Hike Club On Letcher Avenue Exposed Generalissimo Plans New Replaced By Coup D' Etat To Get Red Easter Leave Party Control In Barracks In an interview Friday, Majl Gen. R. Z. Sharsholloff. Institute Condition Red Commissar, announced that there will be no spring hike this year, and Via Mumps that furthermore the Committee of Soviets has authorized a 5 day At Hospital furlough to take its place. The date of the furlough has not been dis- The health of the entire corps closed as yet, but a leak from the has been threatened in the past few Kremlin hinted that the leave weeks by an outbreak of the would extend from May 3rd to mumps. No less than twenty cases 7th inclusive. This furlough is to have been reported in the past be granted to all classes except week, and it has become increas- the Rat Class. ingly obvious that counter-meas- Gen. Sharsholloff said the reason ures must be taken. Rising to meet for the change from the traditional the challenge, Party Headquarters spring hike was in line with his has announced, through Vice-Com- policy of "keeping Vladavostok missar V. M. Butteroff, that all academic and military duties will By a vote 549 to 1 (that dastard Military Institute up with the times". was expelled) Generalissimo Larry He also said that the U. S. Military be suspended for a period begin- ning 1 April 1947 and terminating Paul alias "Larry Lon" alias Academy officials had heard about Stanslaus Zunovarovitch was de- with the complete recovery of all our change from the old schedule clared Supreme Exalted Secretary cadets who are suffering from the and after conferring with the VMI of the Virginia Military Institute illness. Committee of Soviets had decided Chapter of the Communist Party. In an exclusive interview with a to adopt the new VMI policy. Larry Paul expects n violence Cadet correspondent, Commissar 0 "Their vacation was announced when his party moves into bar- Butteroff stated, "We are determin- first because", he said, "the Institute racks and overthrows the existing ed to liquidate this menace. Any officials wanted to keep the fur- regime .headed by General R J. man who deliberately attends clas- lough as an Easter surprise for Sharsholoff and his Bolshevik Par- ses or otherwise violates the rest the Corps of Comrades " He later ty. Says the Generalissimo, "That period will be asigned ten demerits added that it also gave the service Sharsholoff and his Cossack plund- and confined to the Salt Mines school an opportunity to save face. erers are tending toward capitalism of Buena Vista." The tentative dates of May 3 to as shown by the lavish flow of 7 were given by Brig. Gen. P. F. During the lest period cadets money in the Post Exchange. will be required to be driven to Blundersoff, Academic Executive, His party has added many new the mess hall in jeeps by a detail as those conforming best to the platform claims that, "if it of tactical officers of the High academic schedule in operation worked a hundred years ago it Command, the detail being com- this term. Men will be allowed to will work today." As it is seen by leave Friday after parade and must manded by Hero of the Socialist the present trend of events, bar- return hy taps May 7 under penalty Union X. Q. Tilsonoff, head of the racks is going to pot and the Gen- of banishment to Siberia for a local NKVD. eralissimo tried his method of period of one week to four months, Spike Jones Reds Will End Bourgeois Stronghold T0 sooth the nerves of the resting obtaining control of the Institute depending on the seriousness of men, records will be played over by a bloodless revolution. First EDITOR'S NOTE: We were in- ing themselves in this gross here- lift my feet, the blonde turned the offense. the turn-out system. Chief record propaganda sheets are to be de- Gives Recital formed one night last week that sy. I also noted several members once again to her support permit- changer will be Party Member H. livered to cadets while at classes Gen Blundersoff said the reason a meeting of capitalist radicals of "G" Company on the far side ting her blonde locks to brush s. Morganishkivitch. Member Mor. in the Academic Building. These the Rat Class would be held in was to be held in a nearby kiosk. of the room preoccupied with some against his cheek. Then, as though At Easters ganishkivitch will also be respon- sheets will be carefully explained barracks was because of the poor As a service to our readers, we dls« sleazy broads I had fully expected peering into an imaginary mirror, sible for sanitary conditions in the and the details gone over by the grades the new cadets had been It was recently announced by the patched a comrade immediately to "G" Company representation, as she flexed her shoulders, taking up rest area, including the disposal of various instructors. This is only the making in the Military Science Hop Committee that Spike Jones report on the proceedings of this that company had been, throughout the slack in her white sweater, and waste material from cadet's rooms. preliminary step, however, and it Courses. 'However", said the Gen- and his "City Slickekrs" have been meeting. His eye-witness descrip- the year, a desparate collection of relaxed against h er comrade's In order to render more efficient will only serve to get the minds of eral, "there will be general re- contracted to give a concert in tion appears below, and speaks for non-conformist bigots. shoulder, while uttering little service to ill cadets, a detachment the cadets in a receptive mood. lease until 2215 each night and Cocke '94 Hall immediately follow- itself. It is our belief in presenting I moved off tangentially to pur- sounds of contentment. I couldn't of WSAC hospital technicians will The next step will be taking over there will be no check formations ing the baseball game with Michi- this article that our readers may sue the object of my visit, which help admiring the sweater. be assigend the post hospital. These of the public address system in the except taps. Police Call will be at gan Saturday afternoon, April 12. become even more familiar with was to mingle and gain opinions. From immediately above my head Women's Socialist Army Corps Officer of the Day's house and play 1000 each morning. The mad music makers will be en- the evil outgrowths of a foul so- There was a steady buzz of con- came a screecing harangue. "Okay, nurses will further attend the need:; records of the Red Army March When asked what they thoyght route to the University of Virginia, ciety based on free enterprise. versation above the upper range okay, if we're going to set 'em, let's I of cadets in barracks; complete and Meadow Land will be played of the change, the following men where they will play that evening squeal of the band leader's clarinet, set 'em. Read the rod, read the rod. I equipment to meet any emergency with commentary on the glorious answered as follows: Admission will be free—compli- Five minute's brisk walking and cirrus formations of cigarette Fearfully, I glanced up. There, in j will be carried by these girls who advances of the Communist sys- Pete Davies: -"We 'G' Company ments of the Second Class Finance brought me to the front of the smoke hung motionless about the amongst the chains of the chandel- | have a reputation for working like tem and the Russian women. men have a continual furlough so Committee. The program will con- bourgeois citadel from which dis- ceiling. ier, was one of my former instruct- Trojans. The easiest task will be the cap- what difference does it make?" sist of such renditions as "Chloe," tasteful music was emanting from I nearly stepped on the leg of a ors holding a small ruler. Across ture of the armory. Since there A. K. Jones:-"My stripes back "Waterloo," "Stardust," "Tales of behind shaded windows. In answer well proportioned blonde who had the room behind the piano, one of are no firing pins in the cadets rifles the Vienna Woods," "Liebenstra to my knock, a well known officer permitted her legs to range radial- his comrades was sighting through and a furlough too; why worry and bayonet throwing has been dis- um," and as an extra special treat of the Institute, with a silencing ly into the room. a "Coke" bottle, and advised him about the change!" Consensus couraged by the present adminis- Mr. Raffensperger: -"The change a modern version of the VMI Spir- finger poised at his pursed Hps, "Hey! Watch where you're" step- to move back another foot. The result of the regular month- tration little resistance is expected. is good, but we Rats should get the it, done as only Spike Jones can do invited me in. I was aghast when ping. Those are the only two I've I was beginning to feel that I ly poll to determine THE man The above theories promulgated furlough too. The only fellows who it. Music of the "The Spirit" has I viewed the sordid spectacle in got you know." had best get away to the side of closest to the hearts of the men of by the Generalissimo will be aug- will study are those who are pass- been forwarded to him for re-ar- the living room. Women were all "Umm, nice too." I ventured, the room where 1 could continue the Corps for the month of March mented by the following planks: ing anyway. This is carrying the rangement. over the room in various positions (even though they did not posses to watch the whole scene. Discov- of agitaton and repose. With them the solid quality developed only ering the eyes of a svelte brunette has just been announced by Hum- A pro and con discussion will Rat-line too far." President of the class of '49-B, were officers, whom I had believed after years of physical exercise and resting on me. I directed my steps phrey Johnson, S. N. West Side, be made of the thirtieth rule of Commissar V. D. Pushinski:- Vaughn Maxwell, stated upon sturdy advocates of our fine com- field work). towards her position, which was in Third Stoop. To the surprise of Honor Court and its abolishment "The good of the change will be learning of the program, "Spike will be considered. munal life in barracks, indulg- As I backed away, taking care to (Continued on Page 2) practically everyone, Captain E. Z. reckoned by the number of Special Jones is one of America's foremost TILSONOFF swept away the hon- Let's get back t0 fundamentals. Reports for those returning late musicians and we are extremely ors. If a man drops dead in section or from furlough. My job is a thank- fortunate in obtaining a man of Captain E. Z. Tilsonoff is an offi- ranks, report him for desertion and less one, but it is for the good of his high caliber in the musicial The Co-ed Of The Week cer and a gentleman whose wit and make his heirs walk off the penalty the Corps and that's all that mat- world to play for us. It is one step good humor are surpassed only by Let us have nothing but perfect ters" higher on the stairway of music This week the VMI cadet is es- L.E S. is, "from fried eggs to bal- forced to go through many deep his good looks. Long a leader of discipline. According to the Gen- Serge Weiss:-"Speaking for us appreciation here at VMI. No one pecially honored to present its oons, we have them all", and that breathing exercises and she found men, his attitude toward the dis- eralissimo there is no discipline but veterans, I think the furlough will should miss this splendid opportun- first Cadetress of the Week, Miss was Irma's only reason for enlisting that eight count push up trying if ciplinary side of VMI has turned perfect discipline. Allow no com- help keep us satisfied. We are ity. I hope the Corps will take ad- Irmatrude Grossnatch. Miss Gross- not impossible. to mellow advice and suggestion. plaints, because all complaints are based on ignorance. confined too much for men 23 vantage of it.,, natch can be found at any time in After many trips to the neighbor- Every man in the Corps, bar years old. It is about time the In- "Legs" Bedsole will be called up- or near the local drug store. ing male schools Miss Grossnatch none, looks up to Captain Tilsonoff The cadets are expected to fol- stitute got on the ball. Christmas on to'be the vocalist in the "Chloe" "Irma" is undoubtedly the most feels that she is a competent au- The Corps feels secure on dance low "Larry Lon" to the end. Says Cadet I. M. Grossly, "Vive la Com- 'til June is too long to be cooped number. He will sing the second unpopular Victory girl in the vicin- thority on male educational insti- weekends when he is O.C. They pany Room." up." verse after Spike's vocalist has sung ity of Virginia Military Institute- tutions. When asked her opinion KNOW nothing unfortunate will the first. Buddy McDonald and a ograd. Her Arctic drawl is her big- of male schools she said, "Pardon happen to them. young girl by the name of Ruth gest asset (seen internally) and she me while I put my chewing gum We point with pride to his effi- Rat Line To from Lynchburg have consented to can also make bath tub vodka behind my ear, but there are var- ciency rating, undoubtedly the Finals To Be give us a duet. The selection of the which makes her especially eligible ious things coincoining these schools highest of the tactical staff because End April 6 song has not bean disclosed yet, to all kadets. that distoibs me. First is the ter- of the perfection with which the Eliminated but Ruth has had much practice Miss Grossnatch was born in the rible fifty rule at the VMI-grad slightest detail is accomplished In a surprise meeting last Thurs- Among other things discussed yodeling in the weaving mill at thriving metropolis of Minsk, Rus- and the cracked windows in their when under the scrutiny of his day, the Board of Visitors of VMI last Thursday night, the General Lynchburg so that the song will sia and began her formal education Jayem Hall. The second and told all-seeing eyes- waived all final examination for Committee First Clasmen voted on undoubtedly be first rate. opinions about this school are un- in Minsk High School after the in- Captain Tilsonoff is the epitome the term ending in June, 1947- As a printable." the day which would terminate The Hop Committee has very vasion of the German Armies. "Ir- of military bearing, from the top direct result of the new regime, the present ratline. The day pick- kindly consented to redecorate the ma", a very fortunate girl, was Miss Grossnatch in addition to of his close crew cut to the gleam- this proclamation probably will ed, which probably is a surprise gym for the occasion. Purple and blessed at birth with four arms, her other experiences is a veteran ing soles of his shoes. establish a precedent, which, we to all, was Easter Sunday, April pink musicial notes will be sus- which has proved a very positive of the past war- She found consid- When queried the other day by hope, wilt be followed in the terms 6, 1947. The ratline will formally pended from the ceiling, and advantage in her various activi- erable delight in France during Colonel V. M. Butteroff as to why to come. Cadets having an average end as the last note of taps is orange crepe paper will be hung ties. At Minsk High School she par- the Battle of the Bulge and won her he had not reported a cadet for of 7.5 or lower will, however, be sounded on this day. During the along the sides. White orchids will ticipated in wrestling, water polo campaign ribbons in the heart of failing to salute him, Captain Til- required to take a half-hour quiz on day, the regular antics of "Bloody" border the band stand, which will and rode on the musk-ox team. Germany. sonoff sternly replied, "THAT the nomenclature of a type No 2 Sunday will be in effect and at be shaped so as to give the illusion After her graduation from M.H.S. When asked her biggest com- would have been chicken!" Ticonderoga Lead Pencil. In taking 1700 the rats will run the guant- of an Hawaiian lagoon. Unfortu- Miss Grossnatch decided to com- plaint Irmatrude said, "daaa-I wish We expect great things in the these exams, the cadets will be al- let- A special order is going to be nately, however, the track team plete her education and training I was back in Russia". As for future from "E. Z.", and when his lowed to refer to their texts and issued that will prohibit all rats will be practicing on the indoor at Lexograd Eastern Seminary near the future Miss Grossnatch is unde- fateful day arrives, may it be seen any other notes which they desire from taking furloughs over the track. It is hoped though that this the two famous schools, VMI grad cided but thinks she can find a that his niche in history is adjoin- to bring with them. These revolu- Easter weekend. These steps are will not cause too much distraction and W. & L. grad. as an Inmate for four years. Irma's living somewhcie until hard times ing men like Winston Churchill tionary steps were deemed ncccs- part of the new VMI plan. to those enjoying the classic music As everyone knows, the motto of first year was very hectic. She was come. and William Heirens. (Continued On Page 4) The V. M. I. Cadet New Uniform YEARS AGO AT VMI Published Monday afternoons. Entered at the poet office at Regulations BY WATLING AND WHITEHURST Lexington, Virginia, as second clnss matter. Subscription during In an interview 1'ate this after- regular school year, $3.00. noon with a Cadet reporter, Lt. Col C. C. Buck stated that the Insti- We nominate Ed Powers as Sleuth ment for taking a girl to German Your editors greeted with glee the the place of steward, and that they Entered as second-class matter September 18, 1948, at the tute policy of renewing and en- of the Week. While we're not at Class. Zach just can't stand to be announcement by Generalissimo be required to submit sealed pro- Post Office at Lexington Virginia under the Act of March 3, 1879. forcing uniform regulations would liberty to disclose all' the gory de- alone; Boy just wait 'til his girl Stansians that the Institute would posals for the boarding of cadets soon be changed again. This time, tails (security you know), it seems comes up for Easetr. Is she in for strive to return to its pre war according to the said bill, viz: however, the change will be defi- that "Sherlock" was down town a hard time. condition. As we lauded "Natty FOR BREAKFAST Member nitely for the better, according to in civilian clothes tailing a mystery Sam" for his commendable idea, he Hot corn cakes fresh bread. George Crane has just cleansed Plisociated Collegiate Press the Colonel's statement. stranger at the orders of the "Great strove manfully to outline the gen- Butter, coffee &coW meat. his soul for the sixth consecutive DINNER REPRESENTED FOR NATIONAL ADVERTISING BIT It seems that the Institute authori- White Father". After much brag- eral program. Said he, "We are ties have been looking a little clos- week. constantly hearing the cry that Tw varieties o fmeat, two kinds of National Advertising Service, Inc. ging over his prowess, exclaiming 0 er at the problems of the men in that he could do the job even in We wonder why the theme song V. M. I. must return to its pre war vegetables. College Publishers Representative the ranks, and have at last decided a cadet uniform and no one would of the state highway survey party condition. After the First World Corn light bread or corn bread. 428 Madison Ave. New York, N. Y. that provisions should be made for know the difference, Ed was given around at the Mayflower is "Open War, we heard the same thing. It SUPPER their comfort and well-being at all The Window Geegee" instead of is obvious that the only thing Same as breakfast, exchanging cof- Chicago . Boston . Los Angeles . San Francisco the assignment. After the lapse of Richard. times. The authorities in their in- an hour, the "Father" received a which will make the Institute fee for tea or milk occassionally. vestigation found that the chief request that he be told the tailer's Phil Read's girl is in Bermuda again great is to get just as pre- Plain dessert once a week. J. L. MORRISON, JR. Editor-in-Chief gripe among the men was the strin- name so that he might fromally this week with the Yale Football warish as we possibly can. I do The band obviously takes up too A. T. SYLVESTER, II Assistant Editor gency of the uniform regulations. introduce himself. Have you ever team, and all the time Phil thought not intend to merely return to the much time and makes too much Last week's period of cracking standards of pre-World War II, heard the story of the hare who she liked horses. noise. We therefore suggest that J. D. WILLIAMS Business Manager down on offenders against uniform no to those of pre- World War I; we revert to the old fife (he doesn't chased the dog? Henry Dunbar almost caught r GOMEH H. WARD & REX SHEPPARD Sports Editors regulations brought not only de- By Stalin.we're going straight back play the fife but he can make his NOTICE TO ALL READERS pneumonia recently when he left merits, but also howls of protest to pre Civil War conditions!!" trumpet sound like one.) F. C. VANN Staff Assistant (especially those, if any, at neigh- the back door of his automobile from many a cadet who felt the open. Because of the poor appearance boring girl's' schools)—While this Your editors immediately drew weight of the last. This was the If the "Thug", "Snake", "Hare", of the corps in class and while on EDITORIAL STAFF is the April Fool issue of the CAD- spark which touched off the inves- upon their vast knowledge of the the grounds we should have to re- ET, every week is April Fool with and the "Body" knew what was in LLOYD A. CORKAN, JR., Managing Editor tigation. past history of this grand institu- vert to the wearing of coatees. us. We have always exercised the store for them they wouM never tion and it was decided that many These fatigue blouses which we L. B. HOWARD Feature Editor In the future, men will be allow- privilege of the writer who expands accept any offers of weekends with things would be returned to the pre have been wearing of late are hard- ed to "place their hands in their his material to make it spicy. But four cadets we know. Or would E. T. Watling Alumni Editor 1863 era. ly worthy of being worn by a true waistbelts or trousers tops; wear we do not mean to offend anyone's they? Hear tell that Malachi Mills W. H. Whitehurst Alumni Editor VMI Cadet. their riding jackets to class open, sensibilities, therefore, we apolog- is going down, to Basin Street As we see it, barracks is in a lames C. Lamb Photography In view of the modern improve- wear loafers or brown shoes, which ize to anyone who might have mis- come Easters and make one final deplorable condition and it is ob- ments in the rifle, it is suggested ever they deem most comfortable; interpreted our insinuations. bid to win his girl back. , vious that the great conveniences wear their hats on the backs of If Mike Walsh still' doesn't know to which the modern cadets are that we return to the old Garand ASSOCIATE EDITORS Poor George Stein has gotten the their heads or at any other com- what to do with his Extra Ring accustomed is making weaklings musket, since cadets use rifles only worst jolt of any of the brothers Williams Malmo Jeffries fortable angle; wear capes at any Figure Date, see Mr. Reingold in instead of the stalwarts the Insti- for carrying and cleaning purposes. this week. It seems that George Ronton Newcomb Scher time, and with litti'e or nothing un- room 439. tute once knew. Our first sugges- was going to surprise his girl' with Tauss Walter Allison der them; and many other things tion was to tear down the whole of a miniature, but she surprised him Things we never knew 'til now— Stockton Slayton which have been frowned upon by barracks and rebuild the shack that with an engagement instead, and When Sambo Roddey ran across the authorities up to present. once comprised the whole of the name so that he might formally a girl who knew an old flame of Institute, however, since building we don't mean George's. his, he was a mighty disillusioned FRED'S TAXI BUSINESS STAFF boy. Don't feel bad, Sambo, it's materials are impossible to get at Zach Dameron is under confine- Phone 62 Better Food all in growing up. the present time and labor is un- Doug Hamner . Circulation Manager Congratulations to Beale and attainable we suggest tearing the George Stein . Advertising Manager Is Promised Doug Hamner. After eight ICC's, north, east and west portions of bar- their girls finally managed to make racks down. We would like also In answer to numerous com- Plans For 47 the long trip up to these hyar to remove the lighting system now plaints about the lack of variety hills. The law of averages always used in barracks and go back to in the mess hall, different tables Win Acclaim works, boys. oil lamps; we see no need for run- will receive selected meals in the No wonder Sarge Wise doesn't ning water, after all we have future. In this way the mess stew- The Superintendent announced to- date often. We understand that Woods Creek and a plentitude of ard feels that the cadets will have day that for the past 108 years the after his last one, the stock market Rats. For the sake of cleanliness more interest in their meals and purpose of VMI had been totally cadets will bathe Tuesdays, Thurs- took on new quotations Tues. - Wed. will be agreeably surprised. defeated, and that effective today a Doug Prichard is looking forward day and Saturday in Woods Creek. Many cadets have felt that there conversion policy whould be adopt- so much to an Easter Picnic. We Our next improvement will be has been a slight excess of pepper ed by the Board of Visitors in an wonder why. If you knew Suzie the restoration of the parade ground. in the souffe of roast guinea hen, effort to put the Institute on the Riddle of the Week—Why is it We plan to obtain 569 tons of dirt, and this is to be remedied in the right track. that Joe Gantt will never disclose stone and gravel to form the hills. future. Since thi.j story wa3 released to the identity of the song lady in We are lucky in this aspect as we All cadets are not drinking their the press this morning the school that six by twelve picture he keeps can dig sink holes and remove dirt full quotas of two glasses of milk across the way has received 300 on his desk. As far as we're con- from one spot to another forming at each meal, especially on nights resignations, and the Institute has cerned "Salley's in my alley". the hills and dales. Since this im- when each man has a pint of ice received 300 applications. More are To the girls at Farmville—sorry, provement will be made, it will be cream for dessert, and the steward expected to follow suit. The result but we can't retract that statement possible to hold all athletic contests has proposed making milk shakes is that Institute officials have found about late daters. Ourspecial agents on the parade ground and we can to increase the consumption. it necessary to pitch tents all over have verified our statements. If then convert Aumni Field to its Also part of the new program the parade ground in order to ac- you want names, drop us a line. former state as a swamp. This im- for Club Crozet is the institution cept the applicants. Better luck next time. provement will then give the insti- of A.T.R.C. (Afternoon Tea Roll This column is taking on some- tute its quota of mosquitos which And the cadet's reaction? "I can't Call) in lieu of drill at 1600. The thing new in the way of features. we have been missing of late. believe it!" "Certy!" "It's wonder- Institute authorities feel that a Benefit by our wisdom (learned ful!" "What do you mean its won- knowledge of the finer social grac- the hard way). If any of you good Since the mess steward has been derful? Its heaven." One "practical" es will be of more value to future people from the Institute or neigh- frantically trying to please the oad- (?) cadet said that he had trans- army officers than tiring, machine- boring schools are troubled by ets with the food we might suggest: ferred from the University of Chas- like labor on the drill field Coatees Affairs de l'amour, or if your boy "That the following bill of fare tity (Virginia, that is) just to get will be worn to all meals by fourth friend isn't polite to your grand- be submitted to the applicants for away from such influences, and that classmen. The penalty for splash- mother, or if on your Saturday now he would be forced to flee to ing the water in finger bowls is night dates you and your girl's the relative quiet and peace of the Unusual Occupation three demerits. stay home to visit with her folks, Wayland's' Drug Store frat houses across the mountains It is expected that cadets will drop us a line. Perhaps we can in the distance. Another cadet's Soda Fountain take more care of mess hall furni- solve your hard problems. Names statement was, "Now I don't care if DRUGS ture in the future. The steward will not be divulged. THUR. - FRI. - SAT. they put me under the barracks! was much grieved to find a sizeable That's all for tonight, Red. We'll " We Fill Prescriptions" We don't need weekends, hops, scratch on one of the antique tab- get you next week. summer and Christmas furloughs les where some uncouth character NOW! I'm going to join the tactical had carelessly put his foot on it, staff just as soon as I graduate! O and also a spot of gravy on the lace yes, I'll be forced to bull a couple table cloth. The table head re- "Nol even in a fral house?" of subjects so I'll have to ATTEND sponsible for this received a special For Your Mess Jackets, Brass, Etc. summer school! report for neglect of duty as table head by allowing gross defacing In the meanwhile the Alumni Your Civilian Needs. Also of Institute property. It has been Secretary has had the telephone announced that in the future ca- company install 50 telephones and dets persisting in such vandalism has employed secretaries to answer Formal Wear will be required to sit at new tables them day and night. He said, "The instead of the lovely antiques. Alumni just won't give me any peace since this new policy was RADICAL MEETING adopted. One brother rat of the (Contniued from Page 1) class of '84 requested to be allowed a large over-stuffed chair beyond to return to the Institute today. He the window. Approaching the po- said he would even go back in the John Norman, Inc. sition, I tested my best smile, and rat line if he would be permitted opened the conversation by allow- to return. Frankly, I don't blame ing that it was a right good party. them. I have submitted my resig- Lexington, Va. The color didn't even come into nation and will report for duty her face when she smiled weakly. with the 4th class (that gives me and Directed by GEORGE SEATON ; Pmduced by WILLIAM PERLBERG "Might I get you something to FOUR MORE YEARS!) tomorrow drink?" morning! VVVVVVVUVVVVVVWUVWVWWWVWUVVWVWVWVVWWMVW Her mouth twitched, but she re- Among the major problems fac- SUN.-MON. mained silent. ing the Superintendent at present Several of the couples gathered together by the piano and the sing- are those of replacing the faculty A Large Assortment ing of McNamara's Band was begun and the Board of Visitors, who in three separate keys. are planning to re-enlist as cadets— "Have you ever been to Russia? that is, all except one, who made Of Fine Candies The winters are beautiful there." the statement that his permit to She favored me with a bland "the power that IS" (his wife) had stare. Probably a good listener, I been disapproved. He sadly shook thought, but I don't feel much like his head and said, "J'ai ete eu!" For Easter talking now. MGM's "Well Miss. . . ? tOV£ l&UGMS "MiHmoss." "Well Miss Millmoss, I've enjoy- W. B. HARRISON CO. at ANOY HAROy ed it. I hope we can get together At MICKEY some other time." Lexington, Virginia ROONEY W Without looking at my watch, I LEWIS ~ got the idea it was time to leave; STONE to, I picked my way back across the UA MA OEM . UN* ROMM McCrum's L»» HOT SIM room past an over turned ash tray, •ONITA GRANVILLE two bottles and a wilting brunette ROCKBRIDGE MOTOR DOROTHY FORD f/ to secure my overcoat. On the way WV.VV* CO. out, I assured the doorman that it Also Greeting Cards Scr..„ Ploy by Harry Ru.kin u„d William Ludwla had been a grand party. Dodge & Plymouth ?"SL",? H°»""d Dim.dul. • Directed 1 "I wish the government would pay lite veterans more promptly This job won't be so tough after Phone 289 by WILLIS GOLDBECK • Produc.d by ROBERT A M.lrs-Goldwyn-May.r Picture all. V.M.I. Wrestlers Trounced By Sweet Briar Grapplers

MOVIE MENU RAMBLING REX Midnight Match First In History Of Sports At YMI State Albert and Miss Wyman and the BY REX SHEPPARD (CERTIFIED) trouble the four of them alternate- The VMI Matmen were edged out Tues. & Wed. "BROTHER RAT"— ly got into and out of trying to by a score of 40-0 by the young Errol Flynn, Jane Russell, Eddie keep the school officials from learn- This past week your reporter came across two of those but experienced grapplettes of Keydets Rout Albert, and Jane Wyman. ing that Albert is married. The clim- fascinating types of news stories that are commonly referred Sweet Briar. In the 121 lb. Class Thurs., Fri., & Sat. "THE SHOCK- ax comes when Flynn is caught INSURE YOURSELF AGAINST to as "Human Interest Stuff". These are the little stories that "Little John" Nugent was smoth- ING MISS PILGRIM"—Betty Grable Cards, Bosox running the block after taps and Accident During The ered by Libby "I can't getabrabig- and Dick Haymes. , don't make the headlines, but they are the interesting little the penalty he pays to keep from enough" Baits in 2-10 second of Sun. & Mon. "LOVE LAUGHS School Year tales about the people who make the headlines possible. involving Albert, who als took the first period. Libby managed to In Exhibitions AT ANDY HARDY"—Mickey Roon- 0 JAS. A. SCOTT & SON after taps "French leave", and his First we have the untold story of Bobby Martin, VMI's I get scissors and a bar hold on ey and Bonita Granville. Inc. The VMI baseball team surprised his wife. , Intercollegiate State diving champion. In a great many ways "Little John" when he tripped and Brother Rat is a singularly re- Lynchburg, Virginia the entire country on March 24th, volting picture about a small un- On the whole, if you can stand Martin's symbolic of the VMI Tankmen who won the state fi°t stuck in the mat. 25th, and 26th by whipping the known military prep school situat- to sit through the film, it is well championship this year. The team started out as if it were In the 136 lb. class Oafus "I eat American League champion Bos- oats sla lost b a ed on the outskirts of Charleston. worth while to know where not to going to have a disastrous season. They lost to Virginia in " yt°n y decision on ton Red Sox in three consecutive S. C. It deals primarily with the send your son in his quest for ARTHUR SILVER'S m e t0 J ckette s body games by scores of 11-0, 7-1, and the opening meet, and this was followed by lickings from " , ° °™ ' low sense of honor prevalent among knowledge. The bright spots of t^ i at X /i i- JHT/-1 oi t n. „ . ,, , , ;Oaf displayed much skill, but 9-2. The series was played at Sara- iJUKe, iNortn L-aroiina and 1N.U. btate. finally, in the last reg- .Tockette nVed up to her name and the men attending the school and the picture was the excellent sup- Clothes And Furnishing? sota, Florida, where the Cadet ular meet of the year, the Keydets, led by captain Art Har- had a decided advantage in riding the fascistlc workings of the class porting performance given by Baby baseball team was in spring train- rington, splashed to their only victory of the season over VPI.1 time. or caste system. Sandy as Miss Wyman's child. Re- ing for the coming season. These ROBT. E. LEE HOTEI The highlights of the movie are viewer's Rating—POOR. But lat's get back to the hero. During all these meets speaking of oafs, Earthmole Lew- were the first three games of the the passionate love scenes of Er- Martin was having a bit of trouble winning his specialty, iis was one of the celebrities pres- year, as up to this time the play- Your reviewer did not have time rol Flynn and Jane Russell—most of The ent at the match ers had been taking mild calisthen- to speak to any of the big New and when the regular season was over, he had won only ' which take place at the Easter VIRGINIA CAFE Henry Is that a nose or a hose? ics and basking on the bench. York and Hollywood critics about one dual meet out of five. This was the team, and Martin, " " dances between taps and reveille. the other two pictures, but he in- (Ameriean) ,Hlns011 1 e bluto ot thc 14 lb ($10,000 was appropriated by the when they entered the state meet in Richmond. Both were 'class, forfeite' d his match to Widgi'' - e ' Athletic Council for spring train- The plot is all but non-existent, vestigated the handouts enough to having to deal with two First Class- Meals Steaks big underdogs from the start, and both were expected to the midgeti when he refused to ap- ing.) Wolfgang "Fireball" McGurk, recommend them as tolerable. men (seniors to you uninitiated) and Prices Reasonable 1 E. J. W. make a mediocre showing, nothing more. pear before the spectators with Keydet's ace right-hander, pitched their wives, poorly played by Flynn, But to the surprise of everybody, including VPI and [ rumpled locks. ! all three games and was immediate- Miss Ruscll, Albert, and Jane Virginia, the Keydets, swimming as they had never swum Clarence "Trifocal" Danforth, V ly offered a Boston contract. Nat- Wyman. What little plot there is. POLLARD & BAGBY. INC. before, suddenly made their presence known, and it slowly MI'S 155 lb' whiz. was pinned in urallyjte refused since he wished is built around the marriage of 2:52 of the first period by Ino Knotts to remain and graduate at dear Real Estate And Insurance dawned upon the experts that Ralph Casey and his boys wh used the square knot, the slip old VMI. Manager Joe Cronin was by men in the know. We leave it 0 1009 E. Main St. didn't come up just for the ride. When the qualifying events knot, the half-hitch, and then con- ! quoted as saying after the last to the reader to draw his own con- were over, the Keydets emerged as a definite threat to the nected all of these with the figure game, "I have never in my entire clusions. Richmond- Virginia title. ten. Clarence, who had left his life seen a team that played ex- After their game next Saturday Bright and early that fateful Saturday morning Coach telescopic lenses in barracks, pin- actly like those boys. Their playing with the New York Yankees, the Casey hopped from the bed in which he had spent a very ned the referee and, thinking he had was beyond description." The Ca- baseball team will return to their BOLEY'S BOOK STORE w> n ma tc h tur ed to acknow det's slugging outfield outclassed beautiful home park on the out- F. A. Fitzgerald restful night. The finals were scheduled for that night but , , t ' " " n> uuii UJJ UJ£U- iu 4. -i V. J ledge the victory when Ino leaped the famed Bosox hitters from start skirts of Lexington for their sched- to finish and bashed out 13 homers uled college games. "Puddinhead" BOOKS - STATIONERY - BUSINESS & SCHOOL SUPPLIES Coach had a long, hard day ahead of him; that it, he and a Eaton's Fine Stationery For Men upon him and demonstrated the in the three games. After knocking Wilson, second string Cadet short- cadet had a long, hard day ahead of them, for during the night skiii which she had acquired in the four homers in the first game off stop. when quizzed by your report- ROYAL PORTABLE TYPEWRITER 1 Casey had reached a final shocking conclusion. In order to Girl Scouts. Ferriss. Hughson. Dobson, and Har- er replied, "It sure will be a relief come out on top he had to find himself a champion diver, The crowd was in a frenzy when ris. Casimire Myzsinski, Keydet to get home to a good infield and and that champion was in the person of Bobby Martin. George "DT" stock vibrated into center-fielder, modestly exclaimed, ball park. These Florida infields the ring and facod Gin Ale "Shucks, I could have done the were terrible. Me for Lexington." Even before the team had finished breakfast, Casey had W ter weet Brl s 165(?e poundelr Concrete Pipe & Products Co., Inc. dragged Bobby down to the pool and for two or three hours ^ ®' ® i f' ' same off of Feller easy!" **'Flash—Since this article was , , ,, .. ,. . , j/-. who had previously defeated Old they worked, Martin diving over and over and Casey shout- After their thorough trouncing written, several of our ball play- Mr Boston OId Grandad and P. O. Box 1223 ing corrections over and over. When the noonday meal ap-, singin' Sam, all members of the of the Boston nine, the Cadets mov- ers were approached by represen- proached they stopped, but only long enough to eat, and Canadian Club Conference. DT was over to St. Petersburg to "scrim- tatives of the outlawed Mexican Richmond, Va. League. These boys were reported- then back to the pool they went. For approximately five diluted in the last second of the mage" the World Champion Card- inals. After it was all over, the ly offering $10,000 and expenses. hours that afternoon Casey and Martin worked, coach and ,hird period when hc oscillated , Concrete Pipe — All Sizes Cards Needless to say, these offers were , , . . . . . ' | under the effect of too much ginger P™bably wished that they all turned down for the obvious pupil, always striving for improvement. ale * | had stayed in bed. For when the final out was made the score stood reason .... High Pressure Steam Cured When he climbed from the pool after his final dive, In the 175 lb cIass Tarzan „Igot_ had been born half fish. While the rest of the team was tied; ta Voice if Nothing else" stribling, at: VMI-12, St. Louis-3. Here again Building Units up in knots with tension, Bobby didn't have a nerve left Who approached the mat via grape- "Fireball" McGurk pitched and E. D. TURNER, JR. vin limited the Cards to five hits. Here to tighten. : * faced a worthy opponent in again he turned down a contract INSURANCE OF ALL KINDS The rest of the story you know. With the hopes of the /Ending, that famous little State Planters Bank Bldg. . ... n/r 4.- J J i : lady from the Slant-eyed land. Itoo for $25,000, saying, "I owe my al- team riding on his every move Martin proceded to put on won the match when Tarzan acc._ legiance to that dear old school in Richmond 19, Va. The one of the finest exhibitions of diving seen in many a year. / dentally fell through a knot hole Lexington." After this game Man- Tel. — 7-0564 Contrary to all the other contestants who were racked in the floor and was not found until ager Eddie Dyer of the Redbirds with the strain of competition, Martin was so tired that late the next day. was quoted as saying, "Good Gawd." Dutch Inn Next came the However, the men in the pressbox strain was a thing of the past. feature match of were undecided whether he was DINING ROOM - OPEN DAILY 8 bet that Brawny Yon Are Always When heclimbed from the pool after his final dive, T"'" ^T, referring to the Cadets or his own _ , . . , . . „ K ... UJ Muscle Man, "P-40" Parker and 11 :M — 2:30 6:00 — 9:00 Bobby was met by the glowing face of his coach and co- Suzie Flak two able grapplers of team. A great deal of significance We worker who was just as tired as he would have been had the unlimited class. "P-40" was has been attached to this remark Accommodations For Dates he done the job himself. Faith and work had built a cham- doing fine until he nose-dived into AT THE SACH'S STORE THE GIFT SHOP pion and won a championship. the water bucket and his motor Compliments Gifts For All Occasions We often wonder just how much is in the age-old adage, conked out. Suzie saw her chance of and canned "P-40" under the water ROANOKE CONCRETE "Champions are born, not made". bucket by sitting on it. There was PRODUCTS, CO. Our second little story is one that doesn't hit at the a tremendous roar in the gym as P. O. Box 1975 heart so much, but in contrast is quite humorous, humorous "P-40" attempted to start his motor. The Stonewall Roanoke, Va. SECOND CLASS FINANCE because it shows the extent to which a real athlete will go As an added attraction in the Jackson Restaurant just for the love of sport and competition. "You name it, I don't know what COMMITTEE A week or so ago, Bobby Sherrard, VMI's Southern Con- it is" class, I Maxum Howard de- An Eating Place of feated I. Flunkem Greenbush by a GIFT AND ART SHOP Stationery Room 202 ference wrestling Champion, hopped over to his home in decision of 5-3. MEZZANINE Exceptional Excellence Lancaster, Pa., for the weekend. After sitting up all night Flowers Room 242 The matches took place in '94 Robert. E. Lee Hotel on the train, Bobby finally reached the coal country and Cocke Hall at 0100 on Saturday Iain St. Lexington, Va. Keydet Calendars Room 237 was soon seated at the breakfast table enjoying an excellent March 22 and was ably officiated FRANCES H. HOPKINS Newspapers Room 128 home-cooked meal. While eating Bobby happened to be by Paul "My decision goes to the Gift Consultant NOW ON SALE! glancing through the morning paper, and suddenly his eyes highest bidder" or "You too can win if you pay enough" Louis. stopped on a story on the Sports Page. It seems that the annual Middle Atlantic AAU wrestling tournament was METROPOLITAN CAFE & SODA GRILL being held in Lancaster that very day, and if there ever "Roanoke's Foremost Eating Place" COMPLIMENTS Air Conditioned was a man who loved a sport, Bobby loves wrestling. So "Good Food Is Good Health" what does our boy do?^He runs to the telephone and pro- Of 510 S. Jefferson St. Roanoke. Va. ceeds to inquire as to his chance of entering the meet. When A Friend told that he must have a sponsor, he hesitated for a moment and then informed the official that he would be wrestling Recapping Vulcanizing Distributors U. S. Tires PETE'S TRANSIT CO. under the sponsorship of the local boys' club. Who he wrest- Call 711 led for wasn't important; he just wanted to wrestle. Hardly V.M.I. Official & Miniature BURNETT DISTRIBUTING COMPANY Rings finishing his breakfast Bobby hustled down to the drawings Write For Information WHOLESALE AUTOMOTIVE AND AIRCRAFT PARTS and luckily drew a bye in the first round which was to be JAMES L. DECK Phone 6697 Fifth and Court Sts., Lynchburg, Va. run off at two o'clock that afternoon. Weighing in, Sherrard 4004 Kensington Ave ue found that he was several pounds overweight so he was V.M.I. Keys forced to spend his little free time before the first match at To Rings MILDRED MILLER'S GIFT SHOP FOR CONSTRUCTION four o'clock in the sweat box. Of course he had not time to Manufacturers of eat, and when four o'clock rolled around, "The Bouncer" Sterling Silver Rat VM I. JEWELRY Luck Construction Co. Richmond, Virginia felt a little weak from lack of food and sleep. Nevertheless IIERF-JONES COMPANY Luck Engineering Corp. Richmond, Virginia he faced his first match with somewhat of a devil-may-care Richmond, 21, Va. 8 W. Nelson St. Lexington, Va. Royal Stone Corp. Front Royal, Virginia attitude and in a very short time had flattened his opponent on the mat, a feat not unusual for Bobby. Two hours later he was scheduled for another match, Black Ties, Shoes — Gym Shoes — Sweat Sox — Collar Stays — only this time things didn't look so easy. His opponent was M. R. MILLS JR. T-Shirls — All Slics LONE JACK LIMESTONE CO. a member of the Lehigh wrestling team who had just finished Richmond, Virginia J. ED. DEAVER & SONS CRUSHED STONE beating Navy for the Eastern Intercollegiate title. But ap- SHOPPING CENTER FOR MEN parently Sherrard hadn't read the newspaper because he Mechanical Equipment Lexington, Va. Lynchburg, Virginia promptly gave his advisary a real going over and scored several near falls to come out with an overwhelming victory.! Then came the finals at eight that evening. A physical Rockbridge Radio & Electrical Service SCHEWELS THE CORNER GRILL wreck after sitting up all night on a train and not having Phllco RADIOS Emerson E. F. NUCKOLS (owner) eaten in twenty four house (not to mention having wrestled Get Our Prices First "If We Can't Fix It—We Don't Charge" GOOD SANDWICHES three times in less than five hours) the champ wasn't in the SCHEWELS FURNITURE CO. Phoue 463 Box 782 DRINKS — FOOD best of shape when the final match rolled around. But with Lexington, Virginia 130 S. Main St. Opposite Lyric Theater Lexington, Virginia Continued On Page 4

t VIVID OUTLINES OF 1947 INSTITUTE POLICY

through their keen love for com- Rambling Rex petition and through their athletic Second Class Sidelines (Continued From Page 3) prowess, are striving for the bet- i sheer determination and an in- terment of sporting America. It domitable will to win he walked seems to us that their struggle is out on the mat for the final test. almost in vain against the evils of Fighting with nothing but guts professionalism and a body that wouldn't quit Bob- by was headed for an almost im- possible victory when Lady Luck took a hand in the proceedings. //'rW r In quick succession, this miracle KEYDETS!! man had two unavoidable fouls called against him and to make a LOT'S GO TO Tn* long story short, these precious points cost him the match and STATE! victory,. We only wish we had the time to STATE COMPANY relate the fascinating little details of these stories, but then the stor- Fountain Service ies themselves are not important. Candy It's the people involved that count, for it's just such guys as Bobby Martin and Bobby Sherrard who,

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IMA SCHULTZ COME IN AND TRY Congratulations to Thomas Tig- freshman to the sophmore class at Our Steaks and Spaghetti ertt! Unknown to institute authori- SMU." ties. Tommy, the Texas Tumblebug, Sam Frew has announced his We Are Always Ready To Give You Instant has taken on a common law wife. candidacy for the governorship of Service Expressing his belief that modern Georgia, and his campaign has marriages are out-dated, Tigertt been greatly aided by contribu- has let nature take its course. The tions from 49-B. Sam's slogan is, Southern Inn Restaurant lucky girl, whose photo appears "A Beer For Every Cheer". on this page, is none other than We find that there is no regu- Miss Ima Schlutz, of nearby Ham- lation governing the sale or use dolph Bacon Women's College for of dope at VMI, so we feel safe in UNDERWRITERS & DISTRIBUTORS Men. Miss Schlutz is a native of announcing that Wolfe has received West Omszk, Lower Slobbovia, a a large supply of Marihuana cigar- gre.-t world power which controls ettes. This supply will be exhaus- than 15 times will not be eligible OF the world's rubber supply. This been made, however. These reserva- ted by Ring Figure, so please buy Finals for this furlough. marriage is expected to greatly tions are: (1) All cadets are to have early. (Contniued from Page 1) increase U.S.—Lower Slobbovia re- a 7.0 furlough at home whether INVESTMENT SECURITIES sary in order to lower the academic According to professors of the lations. She will be unable to at- they earn it or not, each term, (2) standard at VMI to the same level University of Siberia, the moon is tend the 1949B Ring Figure since All cadets having 50 demerits or of other colleges in the United composed mainly of green cheese. she has smuggled herself into this States. more will not be allowed to visit —ACP. Mason - Hagan, Inc. country, and the annual legal im- Charlottesville In accordance with the new or- their homes, (they may, however, migration quota from Lower Slob- Richmond. Virginia der, cadets will be allowed to take visit any other desired locality), O! The blessedness of freedom 1108 E. Main Street bovia has been previously filled Woolen Mills 7.0 furloughs, have 4 daylight hours (3) All cadets reported for unau- of the Press. by Miss L. Hyena. The legal mar- at home. Certain reservations have thorized absence in barracks more riage is expected to take place High Grade Uniform some time in June, and the best Cloth man will be Mr. Peter E. Bowers, R. L. HESS & BRO. who has been an intimate friend Cadet Grays of Miss Schlutz for years. Jewelers LOOK!!! We would like to express our Specified By heartfelt sympathy to the rela- Virginia Mil. Inst. Bulova, Elgin, and Longlne Watches tions of our Brother Rat John Akers. Dear Brother Rat Akers has contracted Black Plague- The doctor's diagnosis stated that John Hamric & Smith acquired this disease by constantly HO overworking himself and after- JEWELERS WHEN IN LYNCHBURG wards consuming polluted food. Further congratulations are in Lexington, Va. Make The order for O'Gawd Spencer who SLICE-CUT leaves this week for Hollywood. WHITE HOUSE He will star in the motion produc- tion of that currently popular mili- Harris, Woodson Co. RESTAURANT tary novel, "Begin As A Boy". Ac- Inc. CHOP-BLOOP companying Spencer will be Wil- Your Headquarters liam Sweeney, who will take the "The House Of Sweets" part of a blind, crippled moron who Since 1991 gets run over by a truck, and is WITH sent to VMI to convalesce, and upon arrival is fiendlishly pushed from the fourth stoop by a brutal TOLLEY'S HARDWARE third classman, portrayed by Spen- cer. Guns, Hardware, Ammunition V.M.I. Post Exchange Word has been received that Gil- Electrical Supplies bert has been voted the boy "Most likely to be advanced from the SPORTING GOODS OPEN 9:00 A. M. TO 10:00 P. M.

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