Common Misconceptions about Physical Intimacy in and Religious Beliefs of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints by Paige Gifford

There are some common misconceptions about physical intimacy within marriage in regards to religious doctrine. Some people may be under the impression that when you are married, everything is free game. Contrarily, others may think that they are restricted in what they can and cannot do in the bedroom with their spouse due to religious beliefs.

This is what God has directed us about the bounds within sex between married couples:

1. Sexual intimacy is only to be used between a man and woman who are married.1 God has revealed this doctrine very clearly time and time again.

2. No usage, even when viewed together as a couple to increase .2 Some people may be tempted to use pornography as a couple to become aroused together and President McKay was speaking about women, learn new sex positions. However, research but of course, the same goes for men. If you shows that pornography useage is correlated are experiencing intimate partner violence or with lower martial well-being, lower happiness abuse, please contact the National Domestic levels, and higher chances of extramarital Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233. affairs and divorce.3 4. Sexual decisions in marriage are up to you, 3. No violence. Intimate partner violence may your spouse, and personal revelation from God. begin as coercive or manipulative speech that The current church handbook repeatedly tries to get a partner to do something against emphasizes that many decisions in one’s life, their will. Even married partners need to have including marital sex, the use of , consensual sex. President David O. McKay said, etc. “should be left to the couple and the Lord.”5

“A woman should be queen of her own Some may be surprised that this is the whole list! body. The marriage covenant does not Although you may be able to find other dated and give the man the right to enslave her, or obscure church sources that say otherwise, there to abuse her, or to use her merely for the aren’t any more revealed boundaries that God has gratification of his . Your marriage set for the church in regards to marital sex besides ceremony does not give you that right.”4 the points listed above. #4 on the list leaves a lot of sexual decision making up to you and your spouse, 1 The Family: A Proclamation to the World. (1995). The including the use of birth control, , positions, Family Proclamation sex toys, etc. After consulting with your spouse and the 2 Dallin H. Oaks. (2005). Pornography. Pornography Dal- Lord, you may want to explore more in your physical lin H. Oaks 3 Doran, K., & Price, J. (2014). Pornography and Mar- relationship with your spouse. riage. Journal of Family & Economic Issues, 35(4), 489–498. https://doi-org.erl.lib.byu.edu/10.1007/s10834-014-9391-6 5 General Handbook: Serving in the Church of Jesus 4 Eternal Marriage Student Manual. (2001). Intimacy in Christ of Latter-day Saints. (2020). 38. Church Policies and Marriage Guidelines