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2021 Dating Dichotomy: The Portrayal of Dating Culture in China and the United States through Reality Dating Television Shows Marion C Harper

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COLLEGE OF SOCIAL SCIENCES

AND PUBLIC POLICY

DATING DICHOTOMY: THE PORTRAYAL OF DATING CULTURE IN CHINA AND

THE UNITED STATES THROUGH REALITY DATING TELEVISION SHOWS

MARION C. HARPER

A Thesis submitted to the Department of Sociology in partial fulfillment of the requirements for graduation with Honors in the Major

Degree Awarded: Spring, 2022

The members of the Defense Committee approve the thesis of Marion C. Harper defended on March 31, 2021.

Dr. Shantel G. Buggs Thesis Director

Dr. Annika A. Culver Outside Committee Member

Dr. Teresa Roach Committee Member

Signatures are on file with the Honors Program office.

ABSTRACT

This study is a comparative content analysis of two dating competition reality television shows: The Bachelor, based in the United States, and If You Are the One based in China. One season of each show, a total of 23 episodes, was used to compare the dating cultures of China and the United States of America. Even though both Chinese and American contestants were seeking a relationship, their approaches were distinctive. The most significant differences were the frequency of physical touch and interactions between contestants. More specifically, the women on If You Are the One were leading the interactions with the men, whereas The Bachelor was led by the man. With the prevalence of the internet and media, there might be misconceptions that dating has become more standardized around the world. However, despite increasing globalization, China and the United States still maintain distinct characteristics in terms of dating practices.

INTRODUCTION

The first introduction of reality TV to American television was “An American Family” on PBS in 1973 (Hathaway 2017). Since then, reality television has grown from observational filming to produced staged dramas. It’s difficult to encapsulate this genre due to the wide variety of shows that are included, from Survivor to Keeping Up With the Kardashians. Using the word

“reality” to describe this genre of television has long been considered a misnomer. This thesis will focus on the subgenre, reality dating shows. The most notable example of an American reality dating show, The Bachelor, began 2002 and launched a sensational franchise spanning 19 years. The Chinese equivalent of The Bachelor is If You Are the One (abbreviated to IYATO), which first aired in 2014. The contestants on both shows are looking for romantic love. The shows have lasted so long because they are based on the need for love and how to find it (Yahr 2020).

Reality dating television programs combine two very important institutions in society: media and the family. It is important to note these forces as we begin to understand how reality dating television shows are a reflection of specific components of society that have shaped how dating, marriage, gender, and sexuality have been contextualized in different cultures. There are specific social forces that have perpetuated differences in Chinese and American dating markets that manifest on these reality dating shows. This thesis will analyze how two competitive reality television shows, The Bachelor (US) and IYATO (China), (1) embody different dating cultures,

(2) convey messages about gender to audiences, and (3) illustrate what cultural factors influence the structure and representation of love and relationships within these particular types of shows.

LITERATURE REVIEW

Despite Chinese youth becoming more progressive in their marriage and dating habits

(Blair and Madigan 2016) there are still deep-rooted cultural expectations for heterosexual marriage. The results of one study found that Chinese men and women put increased value on good financial prospects and decreased value on virginity when looking for a partner compared to 25 years prior (Chang et al. (2011). Chang and colleagues (2011) argue that the increased importance of financial prospects is due to China’s economic reform and increased GDP over the last 25 years. The decreased value of virginity is because of young adults having an increased openness to premarital sex (Chang et al. 2011). Therefore, women who decide not to marry or delay marriage for professional reasons are subject to scrutiny by society. Young women face intense social pressure to enter heterosexual marriages, as Chinese women who remain unmarried by their late twenties are labeled a “sheng nü ()” or leftover woman (Gui 2016).

This pressure to find a partner places very high expectations on potential suitors, for both men and women. As reality television has also made its rise globally in the last two decades, it is important to understand how cultural shifts in what is valued in a romantic partner are manifested in shows like the Chinese dating show, IYATO, and what observable differences might exist between it and the most popular U.S. franchise, The Bachelor.

There are multiple differences in Chinese and United States society that influence dating patterns. In 1980, the one-child policy was instituted in China to try to limit population growth; this meant that most families could only have one child (Pletcher 2015). Male children were vastly preferred over female children because men will carry on the family name and it is expected for men to take care of their parents when they grow old (Pletcher 2015). This gender preference led to abortions of female fetuses, abandonment, or infanticide of baby girls (Pletcher

2015). Although this policy was discontinued in 2016, the one-child policy has created a lasting gender imbalance that has left many heterosexual men without any women to marry. There are more than 34 million more men than women in the dating market in China (Denyer & Gowen

2018). The competition to marry the few women that are available has put immense strain on families, as it is seen as a failure if your son remains unmarried (Sun 2017). Parents work hard to make their sons appealing suitors; they invest heavily in their children’s education in an effort to strengthen their class status (Ponzini 2020). Parents also save money to buy their sons an apartment since it is considered a requirement for marriage and suggests the ability to afford a

“bride price,” a monetary incentive for future in-laws’ approval (Denyer & Gowen 2018).

Unmarried men are usually from rural villages and move into a larger city to work poor paying factory jobs to earn money in the hopes of getting married (Denyer & Gowen 2018). This gender imbalance has created a competitive dating market that privileges wealth and higher-class status.

The prominence of collectivism in Chinese culture clearly informs dating culture. When looking for a partner, Chinese individuals consider more than their own personal feelings. They have to weigh what is best for their family when choosing a partner in addition to their own personal desires (Gao 2001). Chinese users on dating websites provide more information about their own health conditions, financial status, and education whereas American users focus more on their personality and hobbies (Ye 2006). Ye (2006) also found a similar pattern when comparing statements about mate preferences. When looking for a mate on dating websites,

Chinese users placed more value on physical characteristics, financial status, and morality whereas American users emphasized personality and hobbies in their statements (Ye 2006).

These differences are a few of several possible explanations for why reality dating shows in

China and the U.S. would have different dynamics between men and women.

In the U.S., parental approval of partners is less important in the relationship than in

China; couples will often still get married without parental support (Whyte 1992). This “youth- driven” system of dating in the U.S. and lack of arranged marriages has enforced notions of individualism in relationships (Whyte 1992). Single Americans of all sexual orientations reported that they do not feel a lot of pressure to be in a committed relationship; only 11% reported a lot of pressure from society and only 10% reported a lot of pressure from family

(Brown 2020). This is a stark contrast from the cultural expectations for Chinese singles to get married. In China it is expected for children to support their parents as they get older, which adds to the pressure to find a partner who will help share the burden (Winerman 2011). Assessing how contestants approach the possibility of a future relationship whether they discuss serious topics such as financial status, religion, or future goals/aspirations when determining compatibility or if they connect more superficially is central to evaluating the impacts of different cultural contexts on reality dating television. Television has always been a medium that conveys the cultural values and morals of the time period and place that they air (University of Minnesota 2016). There is a lot of thought that goes into the production, marketing, and distribution of television programs. What we see on TV might be idealized and unrealistic, but it still often speaks to majority opinions, beliefs, and norms of society (University of Minnesota 2016). The family has remained prominently featured on television (Betancourt 2015) in the United States. Families shown on TV have represented what is most acceptable or ideal when it comes to marriage and relationships, despite increased criticism of whether the “family sitcom” formula reflects contemporary families (Betancourt

2015). Media has the power to influence viewers attitudes and values. Even the earliest cartoons that children watch have moral lessons about right and wrong embedded into them; a 2016 study found that kids as young as four are beginning to internalize the messages of physical closeness, commitment, physical affection, physical attractiveness, and positive personality traits that

Disney uses to show what love means and how it is displayed (Isaacson 2016). The Bachelor and

IYATO encapsulate mainstream ideas about love, dating, and relationships that are internalized by their audiences. The two shows portray different messages about love and relationships. To have wide appeal, they have to be relatable to the intended audience and therefore, must have easily recognizable cultural traits of dating and relationships.

Criticism of Reality Television

Reality television has gained popularity and often features an up-close and personal view of dating and relationships, specifically in reality dating television shows. These dating shows have remained popular ever since their creation. Part of their popularity is due to social media. It is hard to miss your friends talking about or watch parties on Twitter for The Bachelor, The

Bachelorette, or Love Island. The most common demographic that watches these shows are young adults because they feel more connected as they watch the shows, especially since viewers get to discuss the episode on social media in real time (Patino et al. 2011). Every week young people who are just beginning to look seriously for a partner tune in to watch contestants fight for love. Watching the relationships on these shows might seem romantic, but they perpetuate some problematic attitudes towards love and dating.

During a period where there is increasing vocal support for representation on television and why it matters (Elbaba 2019), The Bachelor/ette franchise is facing more vocal criticism.

The way that The Bachelor sells the idea of romance to its viewers is very narrow minded in showing the potential of what love should be. They are promoting a singular idea of what love and intimate relationships are supposed to look like; one of the biggest critiques is the lack of diversity in terms of race and body type of the men and women on the main shows and their spin-offs. Throughout 40 combined seasons of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette, 37 seasons center around a cisgender, white, middle class, heterosexual single person and always ends with a cisgender, white, heterosexual couple. The exceptions to this typical casting are Rachel

Lindsay in Season 13 of The Bachelorette, Matt James in Season 25 of The Bachelor, and

Tayshia Adams replacing Clare Crawley in the middle of The Bachelorette season 16. When season 25 was airing, pictures of Rachael at an antebellum South-themed fraternity party surfaced on social media (Deggans 2021). Matt James’ response was that “Rachael might not understand what it means to be Black in America.” This controversy demonstrated how the show does not address issues that arise during inter-racial relationships. This fantasized portrayal of love and romance can alienate some viewers and enforce heteronormative ideas of love and intimate relationships (Yahr 2020). Despite all this criticism, The Bachelor and its spin-off shows remain on the air with millions of viewers every week. The shows are selling a version of love to their audiences around the globe, which has repercussions for how the viewers themselves interpret those messages.

If You Are the One is China’s version of The Bachelor and it faces scrutiny over the authenticity of the contestants and Chinese content sensors. The format of the show was modified in 2010 to reduce the presence of materialism from the contestants at the request of the

Chinese government (Guo 2017). Donna Chu (2020) visited the set of IYATO and used ethnographic research methods to try to determine the genuineness of the show and the contestants. The results showed that while contestants might view themselves as authentic, there is still an invisible script (Chu 2020). The contestants acknowledged that the nature of television requires some degree of dramatization, but they did not see it as “fake” because it was based in the truth (Chu 2020). Studies have shown that gender performance on IYATO enforces hegemonic masculinity and the subordination of women (Lou 2017). Men’s class and financial status is emphasized whereas women’s bodies and virtue are the primary focus (Lou 2017). Both the men and the women help to enforce traditional gender roles on the show. Patriarchal tradition is deeply rooted in Chinese society, making it important to assess how gender dynamics are constructed in comparison to reality dating shows airing in the United States.

The main objective of both The Bachelor and IYATO is to compete for love. This gamification of our most intimate relationships affects how love and dating are understood in the real-world (Alice 2016). It frames finding a partner as a competition and commodifies being in love. Reality shows about dating often fall into airing the same tropes of over-sensationalized first love, heartbreak, and whirlwind romance. A possible explanation for the lasting popularity of these reality dating television shows is watching them as a form of escape. A Pew Research

Center survey (2020) found that 75% of respondents have found it very/somewhat difficult to find people to date in the past year. With marriage rates decreasing and divorce rates increasing in the U.S., viewers might take comfort in the romantic fantasy of watching reality dating television shows.

This study looks at how reality dating shows from the United States and China communicate social norms and beliefs around dating, marriage, gender, and sexuality. Using two similarly structured dating shows, The Bachelor and If You Are the One, from two different countries allows for the analysis of the respective dating cultures and cultural beliefs. The study aims to determine how China and America construct views on dating, relationships, gender, and family. Though not the same as directly analyzing on- and off-line dating behaviors, these reality dating shows do serve as a proxy to study the structure of dating and marriage markets of two cultural contexts that differ in their social constraints and values.

METHODS

Data for this thesis was gathered through content analysis (e.g. Li 2015, Lou 2017) of one season of two popular reality dating television shows. The two shows that were used for comparison are The Bachelor which airs in the United States and IYATO which airs in China.

The most current seasons available online were used: Season 24 of The Bachelor, which aired in the beginning of 2020, and Season 11 of IYATO, which aired in 2018. The Bachelor’s 24th season had 12 episodes that average roughly 90 minutes. IYATO’s season had 11 episodes that are roughly 60 minutes. This yielded a sample of 23 episodes and approximately 28 hours of content, which provided sufficient data for analysis.

There were some logistical difficulties obtaining the episodes of IYATO due to it originally airing in China. For the study, I used the episodes available to stream on SBS (Special

Broadcasting Service), an Australian television network. The episodes are in Chinese with English subtitles. The first episodes of the season were removed from the study because they were special episodes filmed in Singapore with Singaporean contestants. Singapore does have historical and social relations with China (Chong 2019), and it could be argued that the episodes should be in the data for the study. However, it is beyond the scope of the study to try to distinguish a third dating culture and the differences in the political-social context could skew results. In a recent study, 96% of Singaporean-Chinese students that were surveyed believed that

Singapore had developed a unique local culture that is different from the culture in China (Chong

2019). Combining both Singapore and Chinese contestants into the same “Chinese” category could skew the result and is an injustice to distinct Singaporean identities.

Each episode from the two television shows were codified to identify key themes that provide cultural context for how Americans and Chinese people view dating, family, sexuality, and gender. Codes that were noted include: the expectations of the contestants, parental influence, mentions of physical appearance, man-woman verbal interactions, man-woman physical interactions, woman-woman verbal interactions, men’s confessional interviews, and interactions with the host. These categories were used to organize the attitudes and expectations of dating markets in China and the United States. The compiled notes from watching the episodes twice helped to uncover trends and patterns in the data. This data helped to illuminate the cultural differences in which China and the United States view the dating and marriage market. Data collection and analysis took place between July and December 2020.

Rationale for Show Selection

The Bachelor is undeniably the most recognizable and talked about reality dating show in the United States. First airing in 2002, it is notorious to viewers for the inter-personal drama between the contestants and the fierce competition. There are thirty women fighting to marry the love of their life, and they are all there to “win.” Over the course of ten weeks, the dating pool narrows as the bachelor eliminates contestants during rose ceremonies. If a contestant receives a rose that means the bachelor sees potential in her to be his future wife and she gets to stay for another week. The bachelor decides who he is most compatible with by going on group dates, one-on-one dates, and attending cocktail parties to get to know the women. As the show progresses, the finalists introduce the bachelor to their families and spend a first night alone with him. Then comes the finale with both the viewers and the contestants expecting a proposal. The last episodes of the season include a “women tell all” and a post-engagement interview. If you look beyond what is edited together to get the most viewers, you begin to see an American obsession (Cohn 2013) of fairytale love and romance emerge.

If You Are the One, known to Chinese viewers as Fei Cheng Wu Rao (), is similar to The Bachelor. Airing since 2010, the premise of the show is the same as other dating shows in that there is one man trying to find love in a pool of women, but it has a slightly different structure. There is one man looking for a date with one of twenty-four women. He is hidden behind a screen while all the women enter the stage, he swipes left on a screen if he does not find her attractive or right if he does, similar to the GPS-based online dating app, Tinder. A couple of introductory videos are played, then he comes out from behind the curtain and the women ask him questions. The women that he swiped right on are able to turn off their light if they are not interested in dating him. The women he swiped left on flip a switch if they become interested in him, which is called “turning up the temperature.” The bachelor gets to pick two finalists throughout the conversation portion. The finalists move to the center of the stage onto a different, heart-shaped, podium. Refer to Figure 1 in the appendix to see an image of the finalists’ podium on the stage. The bachelor and the audience can see if the other women keep their lights on, but they are unaware if the finalists have kept their light on. Refer to Figure 2 in the appendix to see an image of the stage that shows one woman leaving her light on for the bachelor. At the end the bachelor is allowed to swap one of the finalists with another contestant who has kept her light on. If he decides not to switch, and the finalist he picks does not keep her light on, he leaves without a date. If a finalist keeps her light on, he leaves the stage with her.

The show moves quickly with three different men coming on stage to try to find a date per episode. While the two shows are comparable, several differences are present which allows for a complex analysis of the construction of dating and gender expectations.

FINDINGS

Attitudes & Expectations

The contestants on IYATO have very different expectations than contestants on The

Bachelor, despite the similar formats. IYATO contestants come onto the show with the hope of securing a date but nothing more. None of the contestants mentioned any ambitions of finding a husband or father for their children on the show, they were not looking for publicity for their business or career either. Both the men and women were more reserved in their physical and verbal displays of affection compared to the contestants on The Bachelor. The only physical affection was handholding as they walked off stage after winning a date. Whereas on The

Bachelor, Savannah blindfolded and kissed Peter the first time they met (S24E1). It seemed that some of the contestants on IYATO were not as committed to finding love as the contestants on

The Bachelor. The men on IYATO mentioned that they were on the show because they had a failed relationship, or they had no prospects of a relationship back at home. The women mentioned that their motivations to be on the show were that they had not been able to find the right man for them or that they were more committed to their career. This practical approach to the show created very different expectations compared to contestants on The Bachelor who came mentally prepared for an intense competition and a proposal at the end of the season.

Both Peter and the contestants on The Bachelor have very clear expectations of marriage and long-lasting relationships. He tells the women “If you’re not feeling it, if you’re doing this for the cameras, if you’re doing this for any other reason besides seeing if this can work with me,

I do not have time for that.” Later in the season, Peter mentions that he can see some of the women as his future wife and the mother of his children (S24E8). With thirty different contestants having these high expectations of their relationship with Peter, a sense of possession over him quickly forms from the first episode. In the second episode during her confessional interview Tammy remarks (S24E2), “This is like a full-on, intense, ‘I’m here to kill you’ kind of game. I didn’t know it was going to get this catty so quick.” The contestants arrive at the show with these dreams of a fairytale, whirlwind romance. These expectations are the reason for most of the verbal confrontations between women throughout the episodes. The women want to stay on the show for as many weeks as possible, that expedites the intensity and intimacy of the relationships. As the season progresses Kelsey (S24E5), Hannah Ann (S24E6), Madison

(S24E7), and Victoria F. (S24E8) proclaim that they are falling in love with Peter. Later, Hannah

Ann (S24E8) and Kelsey (S24E8) tell Peter that they are in love with him.

Parental Influence

Both shows contestants appear susceptible to the influence of their parents, as they take their opinions seriously. Zhang Mohai (S11E15) asked the women if they would help his mother with her lumbar disc herniation then said, “I do care about how my parents feel about my choice.” None of the parents appeared on the show, the men who mentioned their parent’s influence were typically older or a had relationship had failed. Woman also value their parent’s opinion on their partner, Yu Jie (S11E16) said that her mom must like her partner. When Zhao

Anping (S11E16) was describing his relationship history he said that his parents and the matchmaker had set him up on several blind dates, but they did not work out. They also mentioned that their parents wanted them to settle down and enter into a long term, serious relationship. Parents seem eager for their sons to get married. Kuang Rongzhao shared what his father says to him (S11E8), “He often says to me “When will you bring a girlfriend home? Your mom and I really want to drink your wedding wine.” Another aspect of parental influence was when bachelor Yang Yuhong (S11E7) asked the two finalists “Can you describe your parents’ character?” During the exit interview, when he was sitting with his date, he said that he asked that question because “Whether her parents love each other reflects the family’s upbringing.

Parents influence their children.” And Chen Yilin, his date, responds “We will love like our parents.” Throughout the season, suitors mentioned that a pervious relationship had failed because the parents had disapproved (S11E7, S11E9, S11E13, S11E14). It is clear that the constants on IYATO seriously consider their parents influence when it comes time to pick their future spouse, relationships with parents were discussed in eight (8) episodes.

On The Bachelor, there was less parental influence than on IYATO. There was minimal mention of parents until week eight, when the final four women took Peter to meet their families.

Those visits did not show that the parents encouraged the relationship, if anything they expressed caution. The fathers were protective of their daughters and slightly wary of Peter, demonstrating the prevalence of patriarchy in American dating culture. After dinner, the fathers took Peter aside and they talked about his intentions with their daughters. Madison’s dad asked Peter (S24E8)

“Well, obviously, this is all happening really fast for dad. How can you assure me that that’s genuine?” Later in the conversation Madison’s dad says, “We’ve challenged her her whole life to not settle, and all I want is somebody to meet those same standards.” Hannah Ann’s dad says

(S24E8), “I’m trying to figure out in a sincere way where you’re coming from, because it involves my daughter.” Later in that conversation he warns Peter not to tell Hannah Ann that he is falling in love with her unless he truly means it. Both dads were trying to discern how serious

Peter was about their daughter and how likely he was to hurt them.

When it got down to two contestants, Hannah Ann and Madison, Peter went to his parents to listen to their advice. His parents were not supportive of his relationship with Madison and urged him to choose Hannah Ann. His mother tearfully exclaims (S24E11) “Hannah Ann loves you with all of her heart. Don’t let her go. Bring her home to us. We will welcome her with open arms.” Peter is resistant to taking her advice, he pushes back against his family’s advice, telling them “You guys don’t know the Madi I know. Our entire relationship, there have been no hiccups.” (S24E11). He trusts his own instincts and tells his family “I hear you guys, but you guys also have to trust me as much as I trust you guys. And you guys have not been dating these girls for the last two months.” (S24E11) Later in the episode, Madison decides to go home, and the season ends with Hannah Ann as the winner. The parental influence shown on IYATO more apparent; the contestants were thinking about their parents’ opinions much earlier in the relationship than Peter did.

Mentions of physical appearance

On both shows, the first impressions of the women are based solely on their physical appearance. On IYATO, the viewers get the hear the comments the men make as the women walk out onto the stage and he swipes left or right. Many of the men judge how desirable a girl is based on her height or how she dresses. In episodes 6,7, and 10 the tall girls were placed in the more desirable pink zone. Jia Guojun (S11E13) placed girls with exposed shoulders in the blue zone, “I don’t like girls in revealing outfits.” There were also men with color preferences, Hu Bo

(S11E12) put girls in light outfits into the desirable pink zone. There is a time limit, it is edited to be approximately 8 seconds, to decide whether to swipe left or right but that is rarely needed as the men are quick to make initial judgements. When Zhao Dandan confronts the suitor about the tendency to judge women based on height and body type, he says he tried to focus on demeanor

(S11E7). When he’s asked if the girls in the blue zone have a bad demeanor, he responds that it is not like that. Then the host interjects to say, “Demeanor is invisible, but height is visible.” Bai

Yanfang is a new contestant introduced who is a village chief. When she walks onto the stage, she does not wear high heeled shoes. The host (Meng Fei) suggests that she changes shoes and

Bai Yanfang said that she only brought that pair (S11E15). Then Meng Fei says, “We can prepare a pair for you and it’ll look better.” Bai Yanfang continues to wear the shoes she brought and is almost never swiped right on. Both shows are structured so that the physical attractiveness of the women is the first indictor of a successful relationship.

In the first episode of The Bachelor, all of the women are introduced when they come out of limousines. This initial reveal helps women grab Peter’s attention and he starts to get an idea of who he wants to talk to during the first cocktail party, which leads to who will get the first set of roses. All of the women exit the limos wearing formal gowns and Peter often mentions how beautiful she looks during their brief interaction. The evaluation of attractiveness is not just for the women but also for the bachelor himself. They use very explicit terms to describe attractiveness when they first meet. Peter uses the term gorgeous most often and says beautiful twice while the women say call him handsome and say that he looks like a doll. On the first group date of the season when the eight contestants see Peter getting out of the airplane he just flew in on, Tammy states (S24E1) “…he’s looking so freaking delicious. Like, I just want to lick him up and down.” There are many mentions of how hot Peter is during the cocktail parties and in the confessional interviews. On The Bachelor, comments on physical appearance are made about Peter and the women. Whereas on IYATO comments on physical appearance are not often made directly to each and it is visibly awkward if they are, men direct their comments to the host.

Man-woman verbal interactions

The verbal interactions between the contestants on IYATO rejected the stereotype of men- lead romantic encounters. The women were the ones asking the questions and evaluating the men, they did not shy away from uncomfortable topics. They asked the men a variety of questions such as: why their past relationships went wrong (S11E6, S11E7, S11E9, S11E10,

S11E11, S11E12, S11E13, S11E14, S11E15), how possessive are they (S11E6, S11E8, S11E9,

S11E10, S11E11, S11E13, S11E14, S11E16), what is their relationship with their parents

(S11E6, S11E7, S11E8, S11E9, S11E10, S11E12, S11E15, S11E16), if he has a good amount of money saved (S11E6, S11E7, S11E12, S11E13, S11E16), what would they do to comfort her when she is on her period (S11E12, S11E13), if he has problems with her high alcohol tolerance(S11E14, S11E16). There was a more formal, almost interview style to their interactions. There were moments during the show where the women’s response to the man’s answer was brazen. Yun Xiyuan (S11E6) was stating how he had an inter-family marriage arrangement that failed when Fu Ying responded, “I don’t think you tried hard enough.” Another example is after Kuang Rongzhao entered that stage Qiang Jia said (S11E8) “In the video, you said you were “very handsome” I disagree.” All of the women were not effusive in stating their attraction to the suitor, if a man interested them, they simply said “Please pay attention to me.”

They were also all very direct, they do not sugar coat their opinions. This very different to how the women talk to Peter on The Bachelor, they do not want to create drama that would damage their relationship or reputation. Victoria F. said in her confessional, “It seems like every single time we’re at a group date, there is drama. And it’s just frustrating ‘cause no one can focus on themselves and Peter’s relationship, because it’s always something.”

Through these interactions it appears that in some ways the Chinese women subvert heteronormative expectations more than the American women. They make sure that the men will not be too controlling by asking if they are ok with how much they drink or if they will restrict them from going out or being friends with other guys. If the men answer the questions in a way, they deem incorrect, you can hear the chorus of lights being turned off. One suitor, Deng Honru

(S11E8), stated that he wanted a girlfriend that does not go clubbing. His reasoning was that she would not be home before 11 p.m. and that may make him feel insecure, he left without a date.

The women are making sure they that will still have their independence if they walk off the stage with a man.

The interactions on The Bachelor have more intensity and urgency to them. There are a lot of contestants and they have to make themselves stand out if they want a one-on-one date with Peter. The need to make a good impression creates a situation where it is easier to keep conversation light and agreeable. Why would they waste their limited time with Peter trying to figure out if they have different opinions or starting a fight? Since there is so much pressure and so many contestants, it was very difficult to have serious conversations on topics that are usually considered important when you enter a relationship or consider marriage (religion, kids, values, goals, etc.) (Leigh and Clarke 2000). Peter is trying to get to know so many women so quickly that he seems to judge vulnerability and the women’s level of trust in him as how willing they are to share difficult parts of their lives. Women that were chosen for one-on-one dates often became vulnerable with him, which typically meant that they disclosed how they overcame an emotional hardship they had during their life. On Peter and Victoria P.’s first one-on-one date

(S24E3) they started off the date discussing their preferences for red or white wine. During their dinner the conversation shifts to Victoria opening up about her father’s death when she was really young and how her mother fell into addiction. Each contestant is fighting for their time to make a good impression on Peter and the viewers.

Man-woman physical interactions

IYATO had more of a game show format, where the women stood on podiums up on the stage separated from the suitor. Gan Lu (S11E6) mentions that she would not go to a movie when they first start dating because he might hold her hand, which he needs permission for.

There were 6 instances when a woman came off her podium and danced (S11E10, S11E11,

S11E12, S11E13, S11E15, S11E16), but that was as close as they got to physical interaction between the contestants. If a couple is matched, they hold hands as the exit the stage. However, during the exit interview of the couple, they were not touching or displaying physical affection.

The Bachelor was completely opposite in terms of the amount of physical touch and affection. Over the course of the first episode where the thirty contestants are first introduced to

Peter, he kisses seven of them. Peter says in his confessional interview (S24E1), “I didn’t expect to be kissing so many girls, but it just happened.” As the season progresses so do the displays of public affection; Peter and the women are not shy in public or in front of the cameras. This culminates with Fantasy Suite week (S24E9). The final three contestants each get a night alone with Peter in a hotel room without cameras, it is implied by Peter and the contestants that they have sex during this night. Madison has a difficult time with this arrangement and tells Peter

(S24E9), “If next week you were to, like, sleep with somebody else, it would be really hard for me to really, like, move forward in this.” This causes a lot of tension in their relationship and eventually Madison leaves the show because she cannot overlook their differences of opinion when it comes to marriage, faith, and lifestyle (S24E11). Physical affection is seen as a big part of the relationship on The Bachelor and an indicator for compatibility.

Woman-woman verbal interactions

IYATO does not show many woman-to-woman verbal interactions. However, the few that are shown do not have the underlying sense of competition that is so prevalent on The Bachelor.

None of the women speak unless they are called on by the host and they are not able to interact on stage like The Bachelor contestants who live together for the duration of the season. The only interactions the women on IYATO have is laughing at a comment or applauding for an answer that they agree with. This also helps create an atmosphere of less tension and competition than

The Bachelor. There is not any discussion about the lack of tension, the women are more focused on the man than competing with each other.

The Bachelor showed some intense interactions between the women. The sense of competition was put front and center, as they were all there for Peter. There were confrontations where one woman felt like another contestant was having too much alone time with Peter. There were also verbal confrontations when one contestant felt her time with Peter was “stolen” or that she had been sabotaged. During the first cocktail party (S24E1), Peter was interrupted 8 times and the woman he was talking to felt that he was stolen 4 times. This is most prevalent in the first episode when all 30 women are fighting for their time with Peter so that they can make a good first impression and not be eliminated that night. The most notorious incident of the season was “Champagne-Gate” (S24E2). Kelsey had brought a special bottle of champagne from Iowa that she has saved since her birthday to drink with Peter. She has set up the champagne, but Peter was pulled away by Hannah Ann. Then we hear the sound of a champagne bottle being popped.

Hannah Ann had opened the champagne and was drinking it with Peter. Later that night Kelsey confronted Hannah Ann, accusing her of knowing that she was saving that bottle and opening it on purpose. Hannah Ann denies these claims but the ensuing drama between Kelsey and Hannah

Ann continues for multiple episodes.

Even though viewers might think that all the women hate each other, we still see them crying and hugging the women who got eliminated at the rose ceremony every week. The relationships between the other women in the house also get close very quickly, despite the competition. You can see how close they have gotten during the tearful goodbyes of the rose ceremony (S24E6). These interactions are likely to be authentic because of how much time the women spend together, living in the same house for the duration of filming. There is still some type of bond that happens on the show and friendships form in the house despite the competition.

Confessional interviews

Before the men come onto IYATO, they film two brief interviews about their personalities and dating histories. They play a basic personality description interview before the man comes out on stage and a relationship history interview right after he is revealed. They often discuss reasons why their past relationships failed. The most common reasons are distance, lack of communication, and familial objections. This helps inform the women if they would be interested in him as a partner and you can often hear women turning off their lights right after the videos play. On IYATO the man is interviewed after he leaves the stage, either with his date or alone. In these interviews the contestant states the reason why he thinks he did not get a date and a way that he could have improved. Liu Chuanxiang (S11E9) remarked, “I don’t think I presented my personality fully. I’m very humorous. But in front of Meng Fei my humor was suppressed. If I have another chance to come here, I’ll drink more liquor first.” During his exit interview Chen Xuyao (S11E9) said, “Maybe I’m too nervous on stage. When the girls asked me questions, I wasn’t thinking so I didn’t perform well.” If the man leaves the stage with a date, they do the exit interview together. This interview is a short soundbite of why the women chose to keep her light on for him. None of the interviews implied that the relationship was going any further than the one date and there were no confessions of love. These interviews do not add as much narrative to the show as the confessional interviews on The Bachelor do.

The Bachelor shows confessional interviews from Peter and the women. These interviews are a space where the viewer gets insight into their supposedly unfiltered opinions. Contestants can air their grievances or let their guard down for a minute and show their insecurity about their relationship with Peter based on whatever footage is aired. They also reveal that the contestants are acutely aware of the fierceness of the competition. After her first one-on-one date Kelley

(S24E1) remarks that she has to have a “selfish mindset” when it comes to getting time with

Peter and that because she got the first alone time with him that there is a target on her back. The confessional interviews do not often give the viewers new information, but they give commentary that often magnifies the drama on the show.

Interactions with the host

The host of IYATO, Meng Fei, has a more active role on the show than Chris Harrison on

The Bachelor. Meng is the intermediary between the women, the men, and the two experts on stage. He often provides comedic relief or clarification during an answer. One contestant asks a suitor to guess what her nickname is, he responds, “Skinny Legs?” Meng Fei jokes “Someone with a brain would say “Pretty Legs”! That’s why you’re single.” He keeps the show moving, his presence enforces the game show feeling of IYATO. The prominence of the host takes pressure off of the contestants to carry the conversation and helps alleviate nervousness or awkwardness.

The difference in the role of the hosts changes the nature of the interactions between contestants. The host of The Bachelor is Chris Harrison. He appears on the show when Peter is talking through a tough decision (when Peter was not sure Hannah Ann was going to show up to the proposal (S24E12)) or when there is an announcement to be made (for example when the cocktail party was cancelled or when there were fewer roses at the ceremony). Chris’s interaction with the contestants on the show is much more limited than Meng Fei’s on IYATO. His main interaction with the women is when he facilitates the conversation during the reunion episode at the end of the season. Chris is usually used as a way to show viewers the bachelor’s thought process when he is making decisions.

DISCUSSION

The Bachelor and IYATO are both about finding a partner. The biggest differences between the two cultures are what the contestants are looking for in a partner and the process to find the right person. While these distinctions could be exacerbated by the differing structures of the shows, they still provide evidence of the respective dating cultures of China and the United

States. China still retains more traditional elements of their dating culture such as parental influence in matchmaking, conservatism in public affection, and the importance of collectivism

(Gao 2001). Whereas in America, freedom is placed above other values and people tend to make more individualistic decisions about their love lives (Whyte 1992). These basic cultural traits also influenced what qualities the contestants were looking for in a partner. Americans often think that love in a marriage is unconditional and essential whereas Chinese people believe that marriage takes work, and it is about trust, caring, and respect (Kline & Zhang 2008). The women on IYATO were not looking for that instant spark like the women on The Bachelor were, they were more cautious to first determine true compatibility. This shows contrasting cultural ideas of what it takes to cultivate love and marriage is.

An unexpected finding in this study is the nature of the man-woman interactions on

IYATO. The women were outspoken on what they wanted from a partner and what behavior they would not tolerate in a relationship. The feminist and progressive attitudes that the women show on IYATO could be because they are of an upper-class and are more exposed to these ideas or feel empowered because of their socioeconomic status (Smarsh 2017). It is presumed that these contestants are all of middle to upper-middle class based on their job titles and the fact that they had the resources to take time off to participate in the filming of the episodes. Lower class families might put more emphasis on following traditional marriage customs (Wolpert 2012) whereas the upper-class contestants are more likely to have access to Western society and that informs their own values.

The influence of the Internet and media is tricky to categorize because it could potentially be the reason behind similarities and differences in dating cultures. The similarities in dating values and partner expectations could be due to increasing globalization and technology. The number of people in China with access to internet has been rapidly increasing, going from 298 million in December 2008 to 903 million in March 2020 (Thomala 2020). The prevalence of love and romance is ubiquitous across media and the commonness of cell phones and internet connections make it so that everybody is receiving similar messaging. The messages that are shared through social media, television, and movies do not recognize borders. However, it is hard to determine how much Western media is viewed by Chinese citizens due to government censors on the Internet and foreign films. Content that is deemed unacceptable or contrary to

Chinese values is closely monitored and restricted by the Communist Party (Economy 2018). These restrictions could create a cultural bubble where China retains more of its traditional marriage values because there is not free flowing information.

The heightened drama of The Bachelor might be influenced by the producers of the show. They are trying to make commercially successful television and their manipulation of the show is no secret. In season 24 the producers took a more active role in creating twists in the narrative. They are starting to change the rules with the introduction of Peter’s ex Hannah B.,

Victoria’s ex Chase Rice, and bringing back Alayah after she had been eliminated (Brogan,

Judkis, and Yahr 2020). There is not much information about the behind the scenes of IYATO.

However, Meng Fei said (S11E6) “Through this drama, we can confirm the last two guys, the crew and myself were drumming up things for nothing.” Later in that episode, Meng Fei accuses

Jiang Zhenyu (one of the experts) of being a stirrer. Therefore, it appears that the structured nature of these shows might affect the actions of the contestants. The difference in the role of the producers can explain some of the differences in the shows and perceived differences in dating cultures.

One factor that could influence the way contestants act on The Bachelor is the possibility of a career after the show. The prevalence of social media means that contestants on The

Bachelor gain more followers while they are on the show. The longer a contestant stays on the show, the more publicity they receive. There are brands that will pay contestants for sponsored posts on their Instagram after the episodes air (Duhaime-Ross and Pinkerton 2020). Not only are the contestants competing to make a good impression on the bachelor, but they are also competing to make a good impression on the viewers. This incentive to be attractive to brands might influence how contestants act during the show, there might be more pressure to make yourself marketable. People that appear on the show for fame are dubbed “clout chasers.” Further study is needed to compare an increase in social media followers and new business ventures after the contestants appear on the show.

Even though the two shows embody specific cultural expectations, the way they portray the dating cultures of China and the United States still has similarities. Both shows focus on young, upper class contestants trying to find a partner. They both show that the initial attraction in a relationship is based on physical appearance. In both shows, the women’s opinions and choices were valued. They had to option to refuse the rose on The Bachelor or turn their light off on IYATO if they were not interested in the man. The women come onto the show hopeful that they will leave with a man, but that does not diminish their power and agency on the shows. The common themes of the shows are likely an effort to appeal to a larger number of viewers, because both shows are marketed to different countries than where they are filmed.

CONCLUSION

This study used The Bachelor and If You Are the One as a proxy to determine if there were differences in American and Chinese dating cultures. While both shows are about looking for love, the process and the outcomes are completely different. The shows demonstrated not only how heterosexual women in different countries act but also how they are viewed by their respective cultures. The results showed differences in the contestant’s attitudes and expectations, physical and verbal interactions, the involvement of parents in the dating process, and what factors were valued when looking for a partner. Reasons for these differences could be cultural attitudes towards marriage, prevalence of romance in media, and producer’s influence on the television shows but further study is needed on these topics. This shows that despite increasing globalization, countries can still retain specific cultural traits.

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