1 e n i z a g a M s l r i G

T y t t e r Published for the Most Beautiful Girls In The World P

A publication of the Pretty T Girls Yahoo Group e h April 2019 T 2 In This Issue

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Editorial by Barbara Jean 3 Pastor Redefines “Church” For Transgender Youth 4 Do You Need Gender Dysphoria To Be Trans? 6 How To Talk To Transgender Youth According to Experts 9 Don’t Overdo It. Advice for Passing 14 Bluestocking Blue 15 Acceptance By Volunteering Part 2 19 The Adventures of Judy Sometimes 22 Marie’s Memories 25 Módhnóirí 27 Terri Lee Ryan 28 8 Beauty Tips For Women Over 40 31 How To Make Red Lipstick Last All Night 34 Celib Trick That Makes Dark Lipstick Look So Much Better 35 Humor 36 Angels In The Centerfold 37 Mellissa’s Tips & Tricks 39 Plus Size Stores Making Fashion More Inclusive 45 So You Think Pajamas aren’t chick 52 What You Can Expect to Pay For Clothing Alterations 56 Tasi’s Fashion News 57 Ladylike Laws: Proper Party Girl Etiquette 59 What is Etiquette 60 Lucille Sorella 62 13 Ways To Save On Utilities 67 From The Kitchen 69 How To Cook A Perfect Ham 74 11 Simple Cooking Tips You Need To Memorize 77 The Gossip Fence 81 Shop Till You Drop 90 Calendar 98 3 Yesterday vs. Today An Editorial by: Barbara Jean

As Ilook at various poston the various yahoo groups Ibelong to or on some of the facebook groups I belong to it is nothing uncommon to see that when we are going out enfemme we seem well accepted or well treated by people.

I think back to the 50’s, the 60’s, and even the 70’s and wonder could we go out enfemme without problems back then? I think the answer inmost cases is no.

I recall reading where when Christine Jorgensen stepped off the plane she did not get a very friendly greeting, but rather was looked on with disdain. In San Francisco we may all have read about the Compton riots where cops would come and harass the cross dressing patron at the café. I recall a friend telling me that in New York for a drag queen to go to and from work enfemme they had to get a license from the city and they could not stop anyplace while enfemme. In the early 70’s I recall a friend telling of how after making an illegal U-turn in Chicagoshe was hauled into jail becauseshe was enfemme and her DL indicated her as a male.

Back then I doubt that one could go into a store, a restaurant and be serviced. We would not be able to go to our bank and cash a check. What church could we go to and worship as our true self back then?

Today it is a different story. Something like 19 states and countless cities have laws that prohibit discrimination due to gender expression or identity. Passing is not the big issue today as it was forty or fifty years ago.

Oh yes we still face problems inmanyplaces, but things are far different today. Go shopping, go out to eat, do your banking etc. it matters not if you are full time or not, people todaydon’t reallypayall that much attention to us. Admitted depending on where you live and what kind of work you do you maystill face discrimination in trying to find a place to live or finding or keeping a job. Itis nota perfectworld todayfor no matter where we live westillmayon occasions find ourselves facing harassment by some idiots.

One thing to remember is thatwhen we go outin public we are,each and everyone ofus,an ambassador for our community. We determine how people will view the transgender. How we dress andmost important how we act willspeak far louder than anything we maysay. Look and act respectable and treat others with respect. I think these are the most important things to acceptance.

The world, it’s a better place for us todaythan it was for us years ago. We todaywill determine what the world will be like for us tomorrow. 4 Pastor Redefines 'Church' For Transgender Youth

Jesse Valles (from right,) Isaac Apodaca, Lamar Kellam and Sydney Harrison get in line for the free Sunday dinners offered at the Rebel and Divine church, a congregation in Phoenix that aims to help at-risk youth, many of whom are homeless and transgender. Stina Sieg/KJZZ

Some churches have become inclusive of gays and lesbians, but for transgender people, church can still feel extremely unwelcoming. A congregation in Phoenix is working to change that byfocusing on the everyday needs of its members —manyof whom are homeless trans youth.

It starts with a free dinner every Sunday night with donated homemade and store-bought dishes.

"There's no shame. There's no judgment. It's here to help. We're about health and wholeness," says the founding pastor, Jeffrey Dirrim, as he points to countless toilet paper rolls on the table for anyone to take. It was toilet paper week. "And you need toilet paper, we've got toilet paper."

There's no shame. There's no judgment. It's here to help. We're about health and wholeness.

Jeffrey Dirrim, founding pastor of Rebel and Divine The congregation, called Rebel and Divine, has a mission: To reach at-risk youth. It grew out of a Christmas shoe drive years ago and it nowserves about 200 attendees a month under the umbrella of the United Church of Christ. The attendees are people in their midteens andmid- 20s, gay and lesbian kids, homeless kids, and especially transgender kids — people often unwelcome at other congregations.

Katrinna Alexandros says until she started attending, she didn't know she could be friends with Christians.

"My whole life, it's just been Christians are the ones who hurt everyone, and here it's not," Alexandros says.

She was raised a strict Southern Baptist and a boy in a conservative, religious town in rural Kentucky. At the age of 9, she realized she was trans. Althoughshe never officiallytold her late mother, she says hermom always knew. But Alexandros felt it was religion that kept her 5 mother from fully embracing who Alexandros was. Now, as a 23-year-old Wiccan, Rebel and Divine is the onlychurchshe can imagine herself attending.

"There's no other place like it. It is a place that you can be yourself and get help and help others," she says.

Katrinna Alexandros was raised in rural Kentucky as a boy and a strict Southern Baptist. Now, as a trans woman and a Wiccan, she says she can't imagine feeling comfortable in a church other than Rebel and Divine. Stina Sieg /KJZZ There may not be readings from the Bible or the mention of the name Jesus, but there is a reliable, consistent togetherness. Sydney Harrison doesn't identifyas male or female, and uses the pronoun "they." Harrison says Rebel and Divine gives them something in their lives theycan always count on. Harrison comes here both for basicsupplies like toothpaste and for human connection.

"Just coming in and getting hugs from everyone does a big difference for me," Harrison says.

The 24-year-old is very connected to their mom, but says many here aren't so lucky. Some of the young people here ran away from home. Others were kicked out.

"We're there for each other, and we love each other," Harrison says. "Even as unconventional as we mightbe or as crazyor as hectic as itmightbe,we'restill family,at the end ofthe day."

Rebel and Divine is a familythese young people are choosing and where theysupport each other. Dirrim hopes they will always feel safe.

"Know that you are blessed, that you are loved, and that you are never, ever alone," he says to the attendees after themeal. He reminds them that no matter what, theyare worthy. "And if anyone has told you otherwise, theywere wrong. You are. And if you question that, come talk to me."

With that, the congregation heads out, manyof the kids with heaping plates of leftovers.

"We broke the bread, we shared the cup tonight. We had community that came together with a family of choice, and we talked about hope and love and joy," Dirrim says. "Many who came in here wounded still walked out of here today with smiles on their faces. And that is church to me. "

It's an ancient pattern of Christian worship. People gathered, shared a word of grace, and a meal — and then Dirrim sent them back out into the world, with a blessing. 6 Do You Need Gender Dysphoria to Be Trans? Debating the role of anguish in trans identity.

“A woman trapped in aman’s body.” Open anybook on transgender issues written before 2010 and you’ll probablysee that exact sentence (or its inverse) pop out at you somewhere. Even today, ask anyrandom person what it means to be transgender and they’ll probablyslip some form “trapped in the wrong body” mention in there. To many, the transgender experience is simplythat; a person whosemind is at war with their own body. Arelationship with one’s anatomydefined bydistress and anxiety.

This feeling is known as gender dysphoria, or the distress or discomfort at realizing that one’s gender identitygiven to them at birth does not match with the gender identitythey feel most comfortable with. Gender dysphoria can come from the body, where one may feel distress over a part of their anatomy, such as their genitals, chest, or hair. Dysphoria can also come from social factors, such as not feeling comfortable wearing “women’s” clothing or being referred to bygendered pronouns. Or it can be a mixture of the two, as it was for me. While surgery, therapy, and hormones can end up curing or alleviating themental illness that is gender dysphoria, one commonalitybetween all forms of dysphoria is that those whosuffer it desperatelywish theydidn’t.

And for years, the common understanding of being transgender has been inexorably linked with gender dysphoria. One discovers their dysphoria, and in turn, learns they are transgender. Eventually, if one’s social and economicsituation permits, the transgender person takes steps to “transition” their body and how they are viewed by society to something more comfortable, typically to that of the “opposite” gender. Complicated, yet clinical and easily compacted into the digestible phrase of “trapped in the wrong body.”

Certainly, that was my path. A childhood spent fearing own reflection. Drives down to the mall, just to walk past clothingstores, jealous of the headless mannequins inskirts, bras or blouses, makingme wish I had the courage tosimplytryon a dress. Evenings crying in theshower to hide the tears from parents or roommates. That’s what being trans meant to me.

However, as awareness about the trans community has grown, so too has the number of people who identify as transgender. Yet, as the community grows, more and more people who identitywith the label of transgender have also found theyhaven’t ever felt anydysphoria at all. Instead theylearned theywere trans for a varietyof political to social to emotional reasons. This very concept seems like a slap in the face to the many trans people who spent years in anguish onlyto learn that theyonly way to end the anxiety involved a long road of transition. How insulting is for someone to saytheyare transgender because they’remaking a “statement about gender” whensomanyother trans people struggle just to make their dayto daylife feel like it’s worth living.

How, then, do these non-dysphoric people get the right to call themselves transgender? Or, to put it more succinctly, should gender dysphoria be required to be transgender?

Certainly, from a medical perspective, the answer should be a resounding “no.” According to the American Psychiatric Associations, transgender “is an umbrella term for persons whose 7 gender identity, gender expression or behavior does not conform to that typicallyassociated with the sex to which they were assigned at birth.” And there are many ways to learn that one’s gender identity or gender expression does match with your assigned gender. For example, manypeople experience gender euphoria, which is a joyat feeling one’s gender identity, expression, or behavior affirmed. A transgender person could feel joy at wearing a dress, yet have no distress at wearing “boys” clothing. Or they could love using gender neutral pronouns, but not really feeling hurt if someone calls them “he” or “she.”

Indeed, this distinction between gender dysphoria becomes more clear even with people who have suffered gender dysphoria. Today, when I look at mybody, I feel none of that old distress. Indeed, through a particular mix of surgery, therapy, and hormones, I’m finally able to look at my own reflection not with fear, but with actual contentment. Or as content as anyone can be when they look at themselves in a mirror.

But does this lack of dysphoria mean that am I somehow less transgender now? I mean, certainly, the fact that I don’t 100 percent “pass” as a woman means I’m viewed by others as transgender. However, I have no problem with not passing. So, without that continual anxiety, can I still be considered transgender? Have I perhaps lost points on the transgender scale? Is my transgender identity somehow less valid?

This is, of course, ridiculous. I am still transgender, not just because I still don’t identifywith the gender I was assigned at birth, but also because I simply still feel a part of the transgender community. I’m still welcome in trans spaces, communities, and conversations. And I doubt anyone would question my transness, regardless of if they are trying to praise, condemn, or simply acknowledge who I am.

Yet, it could be argued that gender euphoria is just a flipside, or a differing form, of dysphoria, as well as that anyone who ever experienced dysphoria has met the “requirements” of being transgender. So what of those who identify as part of our community without any euphoria or dysphoria; those who simplyidentifyas man or a woman without anysuffering or anguish, such as those who identifyas trans because theysee gender as oppressive or political.

As I stated before, this very concept seems insulting tosomanytransgender people who do suffer dysphoria because theyhaven’t gone through the “rite of passage” that is the anguish that manysuffer when learning one is transgender. To many, being transgender has brought them nothing but pain. Dysphoria is the onlyway they to relate to being transgender.

Yet, we cannot let dysphoria be the only path, the price of entry, into our community. It frames being transgender as something painful, shameful, and to be resented. It defines transgender not as something to be proud of, but to be fought against, or hide.

And this view fosters not onlyinternalized transphobia, but transphobia from others. Go into any comment section on any transgender content, and I’ll place bets you’ll find someone decry that transgender people are mentallyill somewhere in there. If indeed gender dysphoria, a mental illness, is a requirement for being transgender, would that mean they are that far off? And, as I already stated, if you treat gender dysphoria, have you cured your transness too? Is being transgender something we really want to be curable? 8 Defining an identitybyoppression and pain is not a new concept. In fact, it’s exactlywhat TERFs, or trans-exclusionary radical feminists, do to trans women to frame them as not women. TERFs claim that because trans women were not socialized as women since birth, have not suffered direct misogyny (and can never suffer it having not been born a woman), theycan never claim to be a woman. To TERFs, womanhood is defined bysuffering, bypain. There is no joyin a TERF’s womanhood.Itmakes me pitythem,or as much as Ican pity them given the harm TERFs cause to the transgender community.

Instead of framing being transgender as something oppressive or shameful, we need to extol a view of transness as something beautiful, something to be proud of. To me, while I remember the nights crying to sleep, I also remember the thrill of wearing my first dress. I remember the contentment after mysurgery. The happiness of finding others like me. The ideas and concepts that being transgender has enabled me to understand. The empathytowards others that my transition has fostered. All these things have become a part of my transgender experience,and have become a partofwho Iam as a human.The painshaped me,butso too did the joy.

It’s also worth mentioning that requiring gender dysphoria as a requirement for being transgender also creates a eurocentric view of being transgender. It forgets the idea of two- spirits, hijra, and kathoeys and the long histories theybring, and the differing paths taken to discover those genders.

Being transgender is not an inherentlybad, good, or even neutral thing. Just as being a woman is not inherentlybad, good or neutral. Or being a man. Or non-binary. Or even being cisgender. Theyare just all ways of being a human, and being human canmean whatever we want it to mean.

JESSIE EARL is a transgender writer and video creator. She currently works as a video pro- ducer for Microsoft as well as her own YouTube channel, which you can follow here. 9 How to talk to transgender youth, according to experts and their parents Not all boys and girls follow strict gender norms. Understanding how to talk to trans kids in your family and community can help put everyone at ease. By Julie Compton

“Your son is transgender? I never would have known. He looks somuch like a boy!”

It’s one of the well-meaning comments San Diegomom Kathie Moehlig heard over and over from strangers after her son, Sam, transitioned from female to male when he was a teenager.

“I’m like, of course he looks like a boy, because he is,” Moehlig tells NBC News BETTER.

Transgender youth and their families are often bombarded with unsolicited comments from strangers, family, and friends related to the teen’s gender identity. These comments range from well-meaning advice to intrusive questions and even accusations of child abuse, according to Diane Ehrensaft, the director of mental health at a gender clinic in San Francisco and the author of “The Gender Creative Child.”

“All of a sudden, because you have a child whosays ‘I’m transgender,’ now people look at you funnyand wonder ‘Whyare you letting your child do that?’” Ehrensaft says.

In the United States, 0.7 percent of youth between ages 13 and 17 identifyas transgender, according to a recent report from the Williams Institute UCLA School of Law. More and more of America’s youth are identifying outside the male-female binary: 56 percent of Generation Z kids know someone who uses gender-neutral pronouns, one survey found, and New York City joined fourstates in allowing gender-neutral birth certificates.

For manypeople, adjusting to a young person who is transitioning or using new pronouns may seem challenging. Experts who work with these individuals and their families saythere are a number of do’s and don’t’s to keep inmind when interacting with these youth and their families. The first step, these experts say, is to not question the young person’s identity.

“Some of the recent literature that’s coming out is demonstrating that all the ills that we have known to be associated with transgender youth and adults as in anxiety, depression, self harm, even suicidal thoughts, drug and alcohol addiction in later life, riskysexual behaviors, go way down when there is social support for a person to be a gender that feels authentic to them,” says Ehrensaft.

Here are some of the most common misconceptions about sex, gender, and gender identity, according to experts and parents interviewed for this story.

Misconception #1: Sex and gender are the same People often conflate “gender” with “sex,” but they are not the same, according to Ehrensaft. Whereas “sex” refers to a person’s reproductive system, “gender” refers to one’s personal sense of oneself as a man or woman, she explains. 10 “Your gender lies not between your legs but between your ears,” Ehrensaft says. The term “cisgender” refers to anyone who identifies with the gender assigned to them at birth.

Misconception #2: “Gender dysphoria” is a mental illness “Gender dysphoria” is the distress a person experiences when their gender does not match the sex they were assigned at birth, and is not classified as a mental illness. Nevertheless, Ehrensaft says there is still a perception among some people that it is a disorder.

“There are certain people who think that these are disordered parents with disabled children, and both of them need to be fixed, and that can cause tremendous harm to the parent and child,” she says.

Misconception #3: Gender identity is either male or female “Transgender” is an umbrella term that refers to anyone who does not identify with the gender they were assigned at birth, according to Melinda Mangin, an associate professor in education at Rutgers University, whose research focuses on trans children in schools.

“Trans” means “across or beyond,” says Mangin.

“So it’s really anyone who cuts across social norms for what it means to be a man or a woman could be considered transgender,” she says.

“Gender identity” is a phrase that refers to one’s personal sense of being aman or a woman. There are a range of identities that fall outside of “man” and “woman” as well, like “nonbinary.” Whereas some transgender people maysee their gender as binary— meaning theyidentifyas either aman or a woman — those who identifyas “nonbinary” maysee their gender as more complex, and usuallywish to be identified with “they” and “them” pronouns, Mangin explains. Others may shirk these identities all together, according to Ehrensaft.

“Some kids also will say ‘I’m agender,’ meaning, ‘I don’t have a gender. I think of myself as a human being, I don’t use those categories at all,’” says Ehrensaft.

What to Avoid When Speaking to Trans Youth and their Families What are some mistakes to avoid when interacting with trans youth and their families? Here are some of the most common, according to parents and experts.

1) Offering unsolicited opinions and advice Being the parent of a transgender teen can be stressful and isolating, according to Moehlig. Before her son transitioned, she says he was self-harming and talking about suicide.

When Moehlig allowed her son to transition sociallyat the age of 11, manypeople told her: “11 -year-olds can’t know who they are.”

She says many of these comments were from the parents of cisgender kids who “don’t understand the overwhelm of it.”

“Imagine a 10-year-oldsaying ‘I don’t seemyself living to 16,” Moehligsays. Parents interviewed for this storysaythe decision to allow their teenager to transition was not 11 made brashly or easily. Nevertheless, some people tended to assume they hadn’t thought it through, or that they were making the decision for their children.

Ehrensaft says it’s common for people to not only criticize the child’s identity but the parent’s choice to support them.

“It’s a double whammy,” she says, “because you’re also criticizing the parents at the same time who have supported their child in being that person.”

2) Asking questions or making statements that objectify the teen Parents are generallyopen to educating others about their child’s identity, and understand there is a learning curve for most people, according to Mangin. However, people will often ask questions about their child’s private parts, possible medical treatments and surgeries, which objectifies the child, she says.

“Transgender children are not predators, they’re not overtly sexually active, they’re just kids, and if nobodyelse’s genitals are a topic of conversation, then you probablyshouldn’t worry about that one child’s genitals,” Mangin says.

Often, when people find out a child is trans, theysuddenlyfeel it’s ok to ask questions about their bodies, Moehlig says.

The mom recalls: “My kid was 12 when ourmailman of all people askedme what was in his pants.”

People also frequentlyasked herson questions related to surgeryand medical treatments. “You wouldn’t asksomebodyelse what kind ofmedical treatment theyhad,” Moehligsays, “but it seems ok for people to askmytrans son that.”

3) Misgendering the teen When a child is dysphoric, misgendering them over and over can exacerbate their distress, according to Ehrensaft. Whereas some children might simply be annoyed, others can experi- ence extreme anxiety, Ehrensaft says.

Randi, a mother in New Jersey, says her teenager, who identifies as nonbinaryand uses “they/ them” pronouns, sometimes experiences panic attacks when people refer to them with gendered pronouns. The mother asked her and her’s child’s names be withheld to protect their privacy.

For instance, if a store employee greets her child with “Hello, miss,” the teen will get upset. After hearing comments like these, she says her child believes people will judge them negativelyif they look for clothes in the boy’s section.

“For me, as an adult woman, if somebodycalled me ‘gentleman,’ if somebodysaid, ‘Sir, can I help you?’ I would correct them, because I’m confident in the fact that I’m a woman,” the mother says, explaining: “My child doesn’t feel empowered to correct them.”

Some adults may think children experiencing distress over pronouns are overreacting, but 12 Ehrensaft says it’s important to look at it from the child’s point of view: Ask yourself how you would feel if people constantly referred to you as the wrong gender everywhere you went, she says.

“That’s how it feels for a lot of these kids,” she says.

How to get used to new pronouns The onlywayto know for sure if someone is transgender is if theytell you, says Mangin. But if you are unsure how a person identifies, you should ask them what their pronouns are, she says. You might feel uncomfortable doing it, she says, but manypeople who are trans or gender nonconforming usuallysee it as a hugesign of respect.

“It sounds really awkward,” she says, “but it’s even more awkward to make a mistake.”

If a teen or someone you know has switched pronouns, you might worry about remembering to getitright,or fear how theywill reactifyou make amistake.The bestthing to do ifyou are worried is practice, according to Mangin.

“Maybe I’m driving a car and tell a story [to myself] about this person I know practicing the pronouns,” shesays. “That wayI’m not doing it in a publicspace or doing it where thestakes might be higher.”

Moehlig says it all comes down to learning to be conscious.

“Our minds like to be filled with all kinds of things,” she says. “We multitask, and breaking that habit when it comes to names and pronouns really does require us to be conscious.”

If you are unsure about someone’s pronouns, she says, you can introduce yourself with your own. This will give the other person space to tell you theirs, she says.

“I say ‘My name is Kathie Moehlig, she/her/hers,’ and move on from there,” she says. “And that opens up a spaceso that other people then can use their pronouns if theywould like toshare it.”

Tina Nacrelli, a mother who lives in Jersey City, NJ, is the parent of 12-year-old Esme, who identifies as agender.

Nacrelli says it was difficult for her to get her child’s pronouns right at first. She says she and Esme created a habit where if she used the wrong pronouns by mistake, Esme would simply reply “ouch.”

“Then I wouldsay‘oops,’ and then we move on,” shesays.

Over time, this helped Nacrelli get used to using the correct pronouns, she says.

“When your attention is drawn to ‘ouch,’ it makes you more cognizant of it, and you’re more likely to get it right the next time,” she says. 13 If you get someone’s pronouns wrong, the best thing to do is to simply correct yourself and move on. Drawing too much attention to it can embarrass the individual, according to Mangin.

“If you apologize kind of emphaticallyon and on and on, it suggests that there was something wrong,” she says.

How to help kids understand transgender friends and classmates Kids who are trans and gender nonconforming experience high rates of bullying atschool. According to the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey, 77 percent of respondents said they were verbally harassed, physically or sexually assaulted as students. A recent report from the American Academy of Pediatrics found that 14 percent of trans adolescents had attempted suicide.

Mangin says it’s important to help kids understand that not all boys and girls follow strict gender norms. She says this can help reduce bullying these students experience.

“We have very strong gendered social norms about what constitutes feminine behavior and what constitutes masculine behavior,” Mangin says.

She says there are ways parents can help kids understand that gender is not always simple for everyone. “I think trying to questionsocial norms and think about that help children think that through,” she says.

For example, asking children questions like, “If it’s ok for girls to wear pants, is it ok for boys to wear a dress?” can help them question stereotypes and understand there are lots of different ways to be a boyor a girl,she explains.

“I think having those conversations is really important, because it’s not just about supporting transgender children,” Mangin says. “Those social norms are really harmful for all children, because they’re limiting. In worse case scenarios, they’re not only limiting, but they give rise to inequityand violence, so it’s reallyimportant that all kids get to have those conversations.” For more on how to talk to trans people and their families,see this guide from GLAAD. 14 Don't Overdo It: Advice for Passing By

Kathy Hamilton

Don’t Overdo It! I think it’s fair to say that almost all crossdressers seriously admire women; they admire their clothes, their shoes and accessories, and their elegance and beauty—almost to the point of envy! For many crossdressers, these are just some of the reasons they love to regularly dress in their En Femme finery and emulate the woman of their dreams. As we all know, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and—even though many crossdressers when asked why they dress will reply with a small shrug of their shoulders and a “I really don’t know” sort of answer—the underlying fact is that most are trying to be just like a woman because of their fascination with and adulation of all that is feminine! Yet, the danger for many crossdressers is that it’s easy to go too far and become a parody of what you are trying to emulate: more like a drag queen or female impersonator, although, of course, such performers set out to do just that—accentuate, exaggerate, and, some will say, ridicule women. So, when you are next slipping into one of your En Femme skirts and top or a slinky, minidress, don’t go too far! Well, you might ask, what exactly do I mean by this statement? Let me give you some examples (although I have to say here, the following mainly refers to the crossdresser who ventures out into the great outdoors): Clothes: Who doesn’t like to look sexy, look smart, and appear totally feminine? Yet, how many mature women do you see out and about in microskirts or overly revealing tops? How many women with large stomachs, who are noticeably overweight, or who have a big build do you see in figure-hugging dresses or tops designed for their daughters or granddaughters? How many women have size GG breasts and how many would go around dressed as if they were about to start work on the night shift on some street corner?

If you want to look like you are a refugee from a drag show or have just been released from a time warp, that’s fine, of course; but, if you want to look like a smart, typical woman, have some decorum in what you wear and how you wear it. Please, don’t overdo the way you dress!

Makeup: It takes time, patience, and skill to be able to apply makeup well, so that you look great in your En Femme outfit—and you can certainly be forgiven if your skills have not yet developed to their full potential. Yet, if they have and you still insist in applying far too much blusher or rouge or have fantastic—albeit over-the-top—fake eyelashes and eyeshadow so thick it looks like it has been applied with a handypaintbrush, you still haven’tquite got the artof looking like a women quite right. Sure, if you are going to a fancy dress party or masquerade ball, slosh on the makeup but, if you are just heading for a regular night out, temper your enthusiasm and keep your makeup noticeable but discreet, apparent, but not clown-like. Don’t get carried away! 15 Behavior: We’ve all seen it when a number of crossdressers get together for dinner or an event or function. Many simply try too hard to act as they perceive women act. Many are too coy and many exaggerate what they believe to be the typical, day-to-day behavior of other women. Don’t deny you’ve seen it: little waves of the hand when greeting people, exaggerated gestures or permanently cocked wrists/hands on the hips when talking, blowing little kisses to others, and possibly too much hugging when greeting or leaving other crossdressers.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not being critical and all of the foregoing things I’ve described can be done naturally and in moderation, but so many times I’ve seen gaggles of crossdressers over- exaggerate the mannerisms of the women they really—deep in their soul—hold in great esteem. Don’t parody them! I’m not trying to tell you how you should be dressing, looking, presenting, or behaving but, as most crossdressers want to pass when out and about, keeping it all low key is one of the best tactics you can follow! Women are still people. Acting like a caricature won’t help when you go out. Bluestocking Blue by: Vivienne

Emma Ballantyne

Time to write another blog post about one of my crossdressing heroes, Emma Ballantyne.

I first came across Emma several years ago on YouTube ("in the starry nowhere"), where she was posting short films which she had made of herself crossdressing in public places. Her technique for filming herself is simple but effective. She has a video camera inside what I assume is a bag or other innocuous item. She leaves it running on a flat surface, then (presumably) walks away from the camera, remains in shot for a couple of minutes, then returns to the camera. By skilful editing, she creates films which appear to consist of documentary shots of her walking through a park, or a town, or a country estate.

Take a look at one of her earlier efforts, and you will see what I mean. It's very effective.

This film, one of her first, shows several Emma trademarks. The style of filming is as mentioned above, with a pleasant musical soundtrack added, and a knowingsmile at the camera when no-one is looking. That shares just a little delight with the viewer and is highly endearing.

It's worth commenting on this video in a detached way. First, the film-making style is highly sophisticated, for what is in effect a single person, filming themselves with a single camera. It's (IMHO) much more effective than what we also see a lot of on YouTube: first-person camera footage of crossdressers taking pictures of themselves in mirrors and whatnot. Such images tend to be fuzzyand swing wildlyaround, making the viewer dizzy.

Second, Emma's look is pretty natural and understated. Emma is very fortunate to have a slim figure which doesn't look out of place. She dresses appropriately: no ridiculouslyshort skirt or 16 blond wig orscarlet nails two inches long. She wears clothes which are what women would actually wear.

She doesn't draw attention to herself, but instead attempts to blend in. In fact, in her early videos she avoids direct personal contact. I am pretty certain that she doesn't draw a second glance from passersby, most of the time.

As time went on, the YouTube hits began to pour in, and Emma began to become a little bolder. Hereshe is buying a pair ofshoes in ashop.

This is a quantum leap forward. Until now Emma's videos featured her dressing in basically deserted places (technically "public" but with very little chance of being seen by anyone!). But hereshe is, not onlybuying shoes, but seeminglyhaving a pleasant conversation with the assistant, whomaybe a Hobbit, or it mayjust be the perspective. Once again, though, the outfit is understated and reasonable.

Emma's videos have become extraordinarily popular. Her YouTube channel has (as of today) uploaded 55 videos, and received almost 4.8 million hits. She has over 6,000 subscribers. One can clearly see her confidence (and enjoyment) improve as time goes by. Here she is in Venice, with Luisa. Did you say Venice? Yep. Take a look.

For some reason, Emma's video won't embed here, but you can see the full version on YouTube. This video presses my Envy button. This isn't quietlyblending into the background in some deserted corner of a cloudy Scottish town. This is out and about, in Venice, with Luisa (another very successful and passable crossdresser), in full public view, mingling with crowds andseeing thesights. Emma has also posted several other videos of enjoying the nightlife in Manchester and other towns, while dressed.

I've said elsewhere in this blog that my personal crossdressing pinnacle would be pretty close to something like this: going dressed to the theatre, or a museum, or an art gallery (though a nice candlelit dinner with a lovelybottle of wine wouldn't be out of the question!). And Venice is basically all of those things (theatre, art gallery, museum) all rolled into one. Venice is one of the most beautiful and extraordinaryplaces I've ever been, and the thought of just strolling round it, all dressed up? Excuse me, while I go and lie down with an ice pack on my brow.

In addition to her very successful videos, Emma has (naturally) posted a simply vast number of photos of herself on Flickr. I recommend Emma's 48 "personal favourites" as a reasonable tour through her hundreds of sessions and pictures. I can see Emma's style evolving and her look becoming more sophisticated and convincing as time passes. Compare this glamorous, attractive look with the hesistant look of the girlsmoking on the wall in the first video.

So what do I think of Emma?

First, I admire and envy her. She and I are about thesame age, and we both come from 17 Scotland, so we already have a lot in common. Secondly, she seems to just take pleasure in the act of dressing as a woman and going out, and she has done so with what seems like considerable success, and considerable enjoyment. She has experimented with a few lingerie shots, but apart from that, seems content to stay away from overtly sexual images. No maid, no bride, no tart. That raises her in myestimation. It must besaid, she draws some extremely explicit flirtatious comments on some of her photos, though she never seems to respond to them. Second, she is fortunate enough to have a really nice figure, andmakes themostofitwith a good sense ofwhatworks in terms of clothes and appearance. In other words, she dresses like a woman, not like a tranny. The technical stuff; the postures, the gait, the gestures, all seem to work well. Yet she is not so beautiful that I feel that I could never possibly achieve a look as good as that. She represents an ideal to which I could reasonably aspire. I could be a contender! If I looked as good as that, would I do what she does? Hell, yeah!

Is there anything which I don't like about Emma? Well, truthfullynot all of her outfits and images work equallywell (IMHO). But that's what experimentation is all about. I have to say, she gets it rightmuchmore often than I do, and much more often than not. Lacking an adolescence trying out every different look, we crossdressers do need to experiment a bit, and I know I also do. Emma is also a smoker, and smokes a lot in her videos. Smoking, I can't help noting, is a real turnoff for me.

I am not stalking Emma! I haven't seen all her videos, and I haven't seen all her Flickr pictures. However, I do swing byher YouTube channel from time to time tosee what she's been up to.

But what does Emma think of herself? It's quite hard to know. Althoughshe posts images by the cartload,she doesn't seem to post text, and has no blog that I have been able to find. If you know of one, do please let me know and I will take a look (and link to it from here). And in addition, in all her videos, we never hear her voice!

She has, however, been nominated as a Covergirl on Rachel's Place, and you can read her statement here. This is a slightlyedited version.

“My name is Emma Ballantyne, I am in my early 40s and I hail from Scotland. I guess have always known I am transgendered since I can recall having the urge to wear girl's clothes from around the age of five.

Despite these feelings, I felt consumed by guilt and constantly fought the urge to dress. There was no internet back then of course, and very little literature available on TG subjects. The media and entertainment industries portrayed crossdressing as a habit of psychopaths, deviants and the subject of ridicule. The few girlfriends I shared my secret with tended not to be able to cope with this side ofme,and Ijustfeltlike Ididn'tfitin.(Istill don't,ifI'm honest).

When I am outside as Emma I like to go unnoticed but still want to be seen, if that makes 18 sense. But for some reason, and I still to this daydon't know why, I decided to upload ashort video clip I filmed of myself at an ATM onto YouTube. The feedback and positive comments I received amazed me. As a result I grew in confidence and would go out more regularly and interact with people, and I can honestlysaythat uploading that video completelychangedmy life - for the better. I have now met wonderful friends who I can share a previously unspoken side ofmylife with and finallyfeel happyto be the wayI am.

Having said that,Ionlypresentmyselfas a girlmaybe 5 or 10% ofthe time.As a male Ihave little pride in my appearance but when I transform myself into Emma I pay attention to even the smallest detail. Now I reallydo know whyit takes genetic girls so long to get readyto go out! And Emma once released a video onto YouTube of herself talking to the camera. She was wearing a lovely knitted top, and had a polished, interview-like delivery which worked well (even if the voice wasn't 100% convincing). This was the only time we ever heard Emma's voice. Unfortunately it's been removed from YouTube. Thankfully it survives on Rachel's place, and you can see it here in wmv format. Emma thanks her audience for their support and openly discusses crossdressing. Interestingly, she refers to herself as a transvestite in several of her video titles, and here in this one too. Seemyblog post about terminology.”

Emma, I salute you. I admire what you do, and I congratulate you on your successes. I am more than a little envious. I wish you nothing but the best in your future endeavours, whatever they may be. 19 Acceptance by Volunteering – Part 2 By Kandi (Reprinted from Sisterhouse.net)

Sorry about my delay in part two of my discussion on volunteering, but as we all know, life tends to get in the way. Last month I promised the nuts and bolts of how you get involved like this. Over a two week span this holiday season, I was blessed to be involved insomanywonderful volunteer activities. I worked an entire weekend on Cleveland’s Playhouse Square (the largest such district in the country after Broadway) for the North Coast Men’s Chorus. Agood 36 plus hours en femme.

This was my complete Kandi weekend. I booked a hotel room downtown on Playhouse Square. Wehad three concerts in two days and I was ready to assumemy position as ticket girl/ ambassador for N orth Coast Men’s Chorus.

This was yet another chamber music concert I worked for the stupendous Cleveland Mu- seum ofArt. Blackand whiteare the colors for an usher, so I went with this adorable black shirt dress. If I were to havean office job, thiswould 100% bemy look!I love the simplicity of the overall outfit, the petiteand pretty necklace, the cute (and comfortable) little buckleshoes. Modest jewelry and since my nails remained painted from the previous night,a burgundy makeup pallet. 20 I checked in the guests for The DiversityCenter of NE Ohio’s 64th Annual Humanitarian Awards.

This evening I was honored to work the 64th annual Humanitarian Awards Dinner for The Diversity Center of N ortheast Ohio.

The Providence House, a crisis nursery, had a wonderful fundraiser where I worked and had my picture taken with former Cleveland Browns (no longer the joke they used to be). I even made my brief (less that a second) TV debut!

TheProvidence House (https://www.provhouse.org/) protects at- risk children and supports families through crisis, strengthening communities toend child abuse and neglect. I volunteered towork for the 23rdAnnual Deck The House fundraiser, presented and hosted (at First Energy Stadium) by The Cleveland Browns. A streamlinedversion of TheN orth Coast Men’s Chorus performs thereamong many other activities. Thechorus is onemy principal causes. I was able tomeet many local celebrities and former and current Browns players and their wives.

I worked a few events at The Cleveland Museum of Art

Monthly The Cleveland Museum of Art, a world class museum, holds a party and I am one of thehostesses each month. This was the December party, so I wanted to be a bit Christmasy with my outfit. This dress was my one and only internet purchase (I prefermy thrift storegems), but I couldn’t resist! 21 and attended a holiday party for Plexus, our LGBT Chamber of Commerce, which I recently became a member.

I’verecently joinedPlexus, Cleveland’s LGBT Chamber of Commerce. I’veattended a networking luncheon andan after work networking event, both times having a great time! N ow it was time for the Holiday Party!

I was recently honored to be asked to represent Plexus on the event committee for the upcoming Transgender Job Fair, to be held by The MetroHealth System.

The truth of the matter is that you ask. Plain and simple. Be honest, discuss who and what you are so there are nosurprises, nomisconceptions. Nervous about doingso? That is understandable. Remember, email can be anonymous. Send an email, ask. How can I help? Offer to meet, to be interviewed, as it were. Dispel anydoubts. Be excited and giving. Be gracious and classy. Find events and/or organizations that would be naturally accepting. I work the arts, theaters, LGBT organizations, meaningful charities, anywhere that can always use help. I have now established a reputation of giving, of being someone people want to be around. I interact with others with ease. Yes, I am sometimes referred to as “he”, but that is because theycompletelyhave looked past myattire and have just become comfortable with me (my voice is clearly male). The enlightened refer to me naturally as “she”.

I will work anyevent I can. Events put me in front of hundreds and hundreds of people. Events allow me to dress to the nines and fit right in. Events put others in a good, party mood and aremore conversant. Events allowme to run elbows with the Cleveland beautiful people and local celebrities. I hide in plainsight.

Many tell me theycan’tdo whatIcan and Ifind thathard to believe. I fool no one,never have, never will. How do I know this? I get frequent complements, rare is the outing I am not complemented and I get out usually three times a week. I have had drinks bought for me, get hugged all the time. This never happens ifIpassed,was taken for a women. Never. Itis because I am who and what I am and doso confidentlyand with class and dignity. 22 There aresomanyways to getinvolved and/or getout. Work for a thriftstore. How abouta library? Most cities of any size have a community theater. There are only excuses, no real reasons you cannot have some of the experiences I have been blessed to have.

Things are better. We do have work to do, but being visible, being out there, makes all the difference. Be smart, be appropriate, be confident, get out there and be visible!

Kandi Robbins

Sister House Fashion and Style Columnist The Adventures of Judy Sometimes By: Judy Daniels You Go Girl !

I had a number of "firsts" for me this week which included givingmyself myfirst full manicure, buying a new car,meeting with a new banker and attending an open house of a friend who has just moved back to the area.

My work week ended on Wednesdayat noon and with theschedule mywife and I had for the nextfew days Iknew itwas now or never to do mynails.With 3 broken nails and a badly needed fill this was going to be a huge test of mynail skills. I've fixed plentyof broken nails and have done a few fills on mywife's nails, but this would be myfirst time attempting to do a full fill on myown nails. With a lot of filing, shaping and buffing theylooked prettygood, of course the true test would be tosee what theylooked like after applying the polish. I always start with a clear coat because that will give you a pretty good idea how good of a buffing job I did. With that looking good I proceeded with OPI"s I Got the Blues for Red, kind of a burgundy color. Not to tootmyown horn,butImustsaytheylooked prettydarn good when Iwas done.Even my wife was amazed at how good theylooked.

Over the last few weeks I've been scouring the internet looking for a vehicle comparable to our 2009 Kia Sportage which we have been driving since it was new. Wednesday night we drove through a couple dealerships where we had found a few possibilities. We ended up falling in love with a white 2016 Kia Sportage with less than 15,000miles on it andmade plans to go for a test drive the next morning. Having freshlypainted nails it was obvious it was time for Judyto buyher "first" car. As luck would have it the first salesperson that approached us was a women,something I had hoped for. Right from thestart it was easyto see she had absolutely no issues with me, she even complimented me on my shoes and outfit. After a quick test drive we soon found ourselves sitting at her deskstarting the "negotiations", including getting the evaluation of our trade in. After a couple hours of back and forth the deal was made, but we 23 decided to finance it through our bank because theygave us a better interest rate. We wrote out an earnest money check and made arrangements to pick up the car the next day. Thursday was also our 32nd Anniversary so we decided to go out for a few cocktails at Specks then go out for dinner at Mango's, a Mexican restaurant just down the road. Of course the evening didn't end there and as we managed to slip in a couple more cocktail stops on the way home.

After getting home a lot later than usual, the next morning came fast. Mywife had a couple meetings to attendsoshe left while I grabbed about an hours moresleep. Once again, with freshlypainted nails, it was Judy's turn to meet the banker we hadmade our loan arrangements with. I decided to wear a nice dress as we would be meeting with the dealerships finance guyas well. Once again nobodyseemed the least bit uneasywith me and itwas business as usual.We wrote outthe check,he handed us the keys and we were offto the bank.

Ofcourse up until now Ihad onlytalked to the banker over the phonesoshe had no idea what she was about to encounter. We checked in at the lobby desk and were instructed to take a seat in the waiting area and "Debbie" would be with us shortly. As we sat waiting another lady sat down as well as a gentlemen I'd sayabout in his 30's. When "Debbie" appearedshe was looking for a "Dan and Tracy" so immediatelyshe addressed the gentlemensitting with us. When I spoke upshe didn't even bat an eye, likewise through thesigning of all the paperwork. In fact it was a very pleasant experience with her complimenting me on my turquoise jewelry and outfit as well.

Now that all that was taken care of it was time to get our the cabin. Most weekends we drive separately, but since we would be returning to Fargo for a wedding late in the day Saturday we decided to ride together. Our transactions used up lunch time so we were both hungry. We ended upstopping in Detroit Lakes for a bite to eat. We hadn't been to "The Bridge" for quite sometimeso wemade our wayto this lakeside favorite. Last winter the new owners did an extensive remodel doubling its sitting capacityand adding a second floor open air eating area. Again, no unwanted or weird looks from anyone in the place while we dined andsipped our drinks. It had been a busycouple days,so when we finallymade it to the cabin we both immediatelyput on our jammies and relaxed for the rest of the dayinto the evening.

Saturday in these parts means "Game Day", Bison football to be exact, so after some morning chores mywife and I got all prettied up for the wedding we would be attending later in the day and headed for Specks to watch the first half of the game. Bison fans are used to their team having the game in hand byhalf time and todaywas no exception. Although the Bison were onlyup 17-0 at half, we were confident that theyhad the win in the bagso we headed over to the wedding which started at 4:30. ( Final score 38-7)

The wedding was for the daughter of a couple I have known for nearly40 years. We actually run into the daughter and her new husband while out and aboutmore then we do her parents. Lissa is the 3rd child of this couple and is probably the one I'm closest too. She just loves seeing me when we're outand she thinks its greatthatIlive my life bymy own rules.She even addressed our invitation to "Judy & Tracy, how cool is that ? We stayed through the ceremony, the reception line and long enough to chat with other guests we knew, but were anxious to get to myold friends open house. 24 "Linda's" open housestarted at 4:30so we knew we would be getting there towards the tail end of things. After driving back to the lake andstopping byour cabin to load the cooler we arrived shortly before 7:00. There were still a few guests around, so after a quick meet and greet, Linda gave us the 10 cent tour of her new home. It's literallya 5 minute drive down the road from us so I just might have a good reason to finally buy a golf cart to make the trip between our places, lol. As usuallythe chatter flowed like cheap wine between the 2 of us. Back in high school wespent a lot of time together as friends, I sure wish I would have had the nerve to come out to her back then, then again, it doesn't seem to make much difference as she has totally embraced my womenhood and treats me no different than she ever has.

The moral to this storyis that I virtuallyhad no problem navigating threw the world as a woman during anyof the events described above. Like I've always said, if you dress and act the part, you should get the respect you deserve.

Judy Lynn 25 Marie’s Memories by: Marie Green THE FEELING (and the Morning Routine)

Marie contends there is nothing better (or at least one of the best) feelings a GIRL can have than going to bed all scrubbed, wearing the perfect panty and bra combination and a delicate shorty or long nightgown or for that matter a slinky pair of PJs totally enveloped in the scent of Caress Body Wash and perhaps a dash of perfume. Snuggling into bed and wrapping an arm around your favorite long comforting pillow is a universal plus. Waking to the cheerful chirping of the birds and spying the sun sliding into the room are also enjoyable as well as that long first stretch.

HOWEVER, in this Girl’s small opinion the best is sliding out from under the bed covers, putting her feet into fluffy, warn pink slippers or even three-inch sandals, tousling her blonde mane and lightly finger combing the night-time tangle, and stretching her back, bust and butt in one glorious movement, then padding into the bath area, catching a female image in the mirror and as she bends over to splash some warm water on her eyes and prepares to brush the pearl-ies. However, a careful two-handed grab of the Mane and pulling it back, tucking it into a scrunchy for a temporary ponytail to keep stray hairs from finding their way into a toothpaste foam and at the same time doing another girl stretching, then bending down over the sink and momentarily looking in the mirror found the top of the two soft mounds and a hint of décolletage peeking out from the top of the nightie further enhancing her sense of womanhood and femininity and she feels the unique sense of being the girl that Marie is. The image and feeling is further triggered by the scent of the bodywash, talc and perfume of the previous night and the softness of her skin from long slender finger, up the arms, over the shoulders, around the neck, down the thighs and legs to the pink hued toes. The last act of this portion of morning bath sequence is the application of wrinkle-free eye cream (to whisk away the slight trace of nighttime wrinkles) and a heavenly smoothing on the cheeks, neck and forehead the appropriate luxuriating cream. Almost ready to face the world. It feels so good and Marie begins other aspects of an everyday morning. First being a stop in the laundry room to move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, close the door, select a drying mode and push the start button. Then on to the kitchen, and hit the computer “On” tab as passing the control center – the all-purpose Island. Straight ahead to the glass-double doors, pull up the night shades, letting daylight flood the room and provide a preview of the day’s weather. Bright sunlight is almost always preferred, however during the month of January the prevalent tint is usually dull gray with an extra dab of cold. A quick step out on the porch and a short dash to the thermometer confirms the latter at 42 degrees, better than yesterday’s 36 and rain. It will warm up and perhaps the sun will dissipate some of the low hanging gray-blue clouds, far better than the dark foreboding cousins of the past few days.

Quickly ducking back into the warmth of the house, (the “Shortie” even with the Sofa-Lounging Wrap which had Marie grabbed before braving the outside environment, does provide much protection from 42-degree chill), our Girl glides over the coffee (Tea) maker and activates this almost essential support 26 element, almost parallel on this plateau is the toaster which is busy browning two slices of healthy and delicious California PURE JOY “Cinnamon-Raison” bread - Absolutely wonderful when topped off with a quick spread of honey. With this repast in hand our girl migrates to the Island and assumes her most lady-like posture, erect back and shoulders, proud breasts and rounded butt positioned on the tall typing stool. Tea and toast to her right and the lead paragraph of this article, (which she began at 03:00 AM this morning), Marie resumed capturing this tale. Three items to check – Number one, the bank balances etc. to make sure our Gal is still somewhat solvent, Number Two- the family, friends & business E-mail account. No surprises in either of these portfolios so off to the Girl Friendly E-Mail account. The In-Box contains messages from Kandi (of Kandi Land), Phoebe (Marie’s Girl Guide) and Carollyn. All upbeat updates on events in their busy lives. Then time to check a few Blogs. Kandi-Land first, Second is Femulate by Stana with inputs from Rhonda in Florida plus others. Third is Sister House By Tasi from Merida, Mexico.

Sorry to end this article on a sad note. Unfortunately, as many of you may know already, Tasi passed away due to heart failure Christmas Eve/Day. A wonderful person, she is being missed, however the site is still up (for an unknown while) and her archives of hints and encouragement are still accessible on the site – Entry Hall Sister House -

Instructions Follow: Once on Site CLICK on the Entry Sign, then Slowly scroll down the left side and CLICK on the Photo of Tasi, Read Her BIO then continue to scroll down to “pages” and then “Posts”. There are more than 300 articles available. A wealth of information and fun reading. Act soon as a tribute to Tasi’s dedication to the “Girls”. About Marie Greene

Marie was born in the northeast and raised in the mid-west. Originally christened Adrian but changed it as shematured. After helping to raise three girls and the death of herspouse, entered the field of Interior Design for several years, then became the hostess at a Bed & Breakfast Inn and Special Event Planner and is now embarked on a new career as a Women’s Wear Model and Special Events Hostess/Host. The latest have been: Wonder Woman @ Halloween, Playboy Bunny @ Marti Gras Party, Formal Maitre De @ Thanksgiving Dinner, Irish Laird @ St. Patrick’s Day, the White Suited “the Plane” Greeter from “Paradise Island, Snow Princess@ New Year’s Eve Party. Future possibilities include: Annie Oakley and Amelia Earhart. Currently composing a Memoir titled “Phillip’s Girl’ which consists of more than thirty vignettes of Marie Annes’s Adventures in femininity. 27 Módhnóirí.. By: Barbara Marie Davidson

CATARACTS THAT MOST OF US CAN LOOK FORWARD TO AS WE GET OLDER!

What are cataracts? As we get older, the lens in our eyes begain to develop an cloudy appearance which makes it harder to read or see things clearly like we use to. Many adults will putoffthe surgeryas long as theycan as theyare afraid ofnotbeing able tosee after the surgery. Once they have had the surgery they will discover the phrase “why did I wait so long to have the surgery. Although I worked in the operating Room and had circulated for my share of eye surgeries, I had heard that phrasemany, manytimes. Even mymother said itmore than once.As oflastweek,Ican nowsayitas Ihad myrighteye done.

About sixmonths ago, , after seeing myophthalmologist, I decided to have something done about my cataracts. My Doctor uses the no stitch method of making a small incision in the side of the cornea, shelling out the lens and replacing the lens with a artificial one, then placing a patch and ashield over the eye for 24 hours. He has you come back the following day, removes the dressing and checks your eye, You will need to continue with you drops for a week and place the shield on your eye before going to bed. When I assisted with cataracts 40 years ago, the doctor would wash your eye with betadine and rinse it off with sterile water, take a syringe filled with xyloxaine and numb your eye using a retrobubular technique. Then the RN would give you all the eye drops before going to the OR. Now days, the RN in same daysurgerywould place the drops in your eye as well as well as the 2% xylocasine ointment in eye. The drops consisted of a lubricant, antibiotic and something to dilate your eye. As you head to the operating room the nurse anesthetist would give some versed and don’t remember a thing until it is all over and you are back in you room.

Several months later, I went in to have myright eye done. Everything went as before withmy left eye. However, things did not go to plans when I got to the operating room. Before the doctor started to do mysurgery, mypulse dropped to 30 (thirty) and I woke up in ICU where I spent 2 before being discharged home. Over the next several months I Had a complete cardiac workup with no findings of why I dropped my pulse to 30. Thus, this January I was rescheduled for myrighteye to be done.

Last week was a repeat of mytrip to the hospital formyright eye surgeryonlythis time things went according to plans and mysurgerywent well. Now I understand whyfolks say“whydid I wait so long. I wore glasses since I was in the 7th grade. Now at 75 years of age, the onlything that I need now is a good pair of reading glasses. The lens implanted correct myfar vision but 28 does nothing formyclose up vision, thus the reason for the reading glasses. Between Medicare and Tricare I paid nothing for my hospitalization or my surgery.

So my suggestion for my brothers and sisters in the PTG group, if are having trouble seeing and have been diagnosed with cataracts, don’t wait. If you do, then when you do decide to have them removed,you be one ofmanywho say,“Why did Iwaitso long”!

BARBARA M DAVIDSON

Where Do Cross-dressers Fit into the Transgender Community? by Terri Lee Ryan Reprinted from Sisterhouse.net

Where Do Cross-dressers Fit into the Transgender Community is becoming a consuming topic given the plethora of new trans faces being touted in themediastarting with Laverne Coxand Maura in the Amazon series, Transparent, to Caitlyn Jenner (I Am Cait) and Jazz Jennings (I Am Jazz). Terri Lee Ryan deals with the subject in this reprint of her original post in ChicagoNow, Shades of Gender.

Transgender women Caitlyn, Laverne, Amelia, Jenna, and Isis are among many who have come out to tell their stories in themedia. These ladies are defining the word transgender for society faster than we can watch their TVshows or latest fashion spread! These Trans women are fierce, as they are strong-willed, have big personalities, great clothes and make-up and look like the woman we expect them to.

They are defining the T in LGBT. Yet what about the cross-dressers who self-identify as a transgender woman, yet do not want to become a full-time woman and are still content in their dual-gender role as amale and femmeself? Their femme identityneeds to emerge, but not so much as they feel they were born the wrong gender. Many cross-dressers still use the term transgender woman and contend that the transsexuals “stole” the term which was once inclusive of cross-dressing men.

As Bruce Jenner said in his interview with Diane Sawyer, “I have the REAL story.” Cross- dressers have the newstory. They have been largelyignored because theyare not out in public full time or open activists, for theyare hiding their identity. Manycross-dressers are mostlymen that self-identifywith woman’s clothing and in indulging their femme role. They 29 are struggling internallyas to how far theywill go publiclyto become their authentic self.

Cross-dressers are a largely misunderstood group. They are different than transsexual/ transgender women in that they were more attracted to the woman’s clothing than actually feeling theywere born the wrong gender. Most of thesemen followed the typical path of playing sports, chasing women, striving to be success in a career and having a wife and family. They were all male, except for their need to dress and express themselves as a woman, sometimes.

This is something theyhave needed to dosince theywere a child. And there are not definitive reasons as to whytheyhave this need to doso,as itis justpartofwho theyare.There are no simple answers or explanations for their behavior which makes it more difficult for people to categorize them. Transgender women have a neatly packaged story of never feeling they were born the right gender and anguishing in their lives over needing to become the gender theyself -identify with.

Cross-dressers don’t fit in a “box.” Yet, they have their own conflict and concerns as many are filled with guilt for not coming outsooner to their wives/families. Theyfeel shame and confusion for being who theyare, for the most part, because theyhave been in hiding their entire lives and have not been out in public, at least where someone knew them.

Times are changing as the transgender female (both girls and women) are taking astance pushing for their own identityand acceptance for themselves and society. Theyare redefining how we view gender and traditional roles. Because they are out, we are becoming more comfortable with who they are.

So where are the cross-dressers? There are umpteen sites that support this group as there are numerous international on-line chat groups. Yet, theywill not reveal their male identityand hide behind their femme self. Theyare dual-gendered people living separate lives even as their transgender women counterparts are coming out in large numbers to a mostly accepting society.

The cross-dressing community needs to step forward and reveal themselves as to help their community. For many, this is not an option they feel they can embark on as they run Fortune 500 companies, PR firms, and work at construction companies. What would their shareholders, clients and employers think about them being a cross-dresser and how would this affect their image and ability to make a living?

Many have not told their wives about their cross-dressing as they have lived this dual life. Where do they start the conversation? (BTW: Don’t’ “accidentally” leave a photo of you in a dress on your I pad.) And, what if the word gets out to their employer? Thesemaybe valid reasons to remain in hiding, yet at what price?

I say the time is now to come forward as a cross-dresser, to be honest with your wife, family, close friends andmostlyto yourself about who you are. Chances are now with the transgender 30 girls out in masses, you will blend in with the crowd. Unless, you insist on wearing your favorite vintage Pucci dress with your turquoise pumps to a Board meeting, your boss will never find out, if you don’t want them to.

Cross-dressers are still looked at like deviants by many because of their refusal to come out andshow/tell us who theyare. Until theydo, the transgender (transsexual) woman will be the one who defines them.

About Terri Lee Ryan Author, Documentary Producer, Speaker

Terri Lee Ryan’s journey with cross-dressing began with her ex-husband who was a frequent dresser. Needing to understand and know more about what cross-dressing is and the profound effect it has in a relationship led her on the path to her own self-discovery.

She is the Executive Producer of the documentary, I Married a Cross- dresser, which aired on Sky Living Channel in the U.K. November, 2014. She writes a popular blog for the Chicago Tribune ChicagoNow site. Shades of Gender offers insight on the current state of the cross-dressing and transgender community and the many faces of this group.

She has been featured and/or written articles for the Chicago Sun-Times, Desert Woman magazine, Entrepreneur magazine, Frock magazine, Repartee magazine, and the Transgender Group (TG) Forum. She has made appearances on ABC-TV, WLS-AM-890, WGN-AM-720 radio and numerous radio sta- tions across the country. 31 8 Beauty Tips From a Makeup Artist Who Works With Women Over 40

Hallie Gould,Byrdie "A few months ago, I surveyed the websites of six major cosmetic lines to see if they used older women in any of their online makeup tutorials," Elise Marquam Jahns, a makeup artist who specializes in makeup for women over 40, told me. "Only one did, and it was extremely brief," she cont inued. "So information on makeup for women over 40 is definitely needed. The classes I t each that specifically deal with makeup techniques for 'boomer and beyond' women also tend to fill up the fast est. That response indicates how much older women appreciate a beauty education that specifically addresses their needs."

In doing research for this piece, it was shocking to notice the glaring exclusion of women over 40 in the beauty space—an industry so tied to aging. It's a counterintuitive approach, vying for the attention of women who want to smooth fine lines and treat wrinkles but completely erasing them from ad campaigns and media materials. "Most of us over 40 tend to talk back to our T Vs when we see ads for anti-aging products that feature models or celebrities who don't have a line or wrinkle in sight," Jahns explains. You see, most women aren't taught to replace the techniques they learned in middle school with ones that are better suited for their current age. No one t alks about applying makeup to a face that isn't naturally plump, tight, and line-free. It's yet another benchmark in a society so obsessed with glorifying youth and casting women past a certain age aside.

"Andrea Q. Robinson wrote a book called Toss the Gloss," Jahns told me. "She was an executive at several cosmetic companies and a former beauty editor. She feels there aren't a whole lot of products that meet her strict crit eria for cosmetics that flatter the color and texture of older skin. She feels the answer is that most men running the major beauty corporat ions think we've lost it at 50 and aged out of their makeup market. "She contends, 'The only products they're spending big bucks to market are wrinkle creams. [Companies] are afraid to address our specific needs with anything other than anti-aging creams because they are worried that they will alienate their younger consumer base, even though we (50+ women) are the largest demographic with more money to spend. They need to wake up and realize that we're worth their investment.'" And with that, Jahns detailed helpful makeup tips, tricks, and techniques for women over 40. 32 1. Use a soft buffer brush for foundation. The application process is just as important as the products themselves. Jahns suggests using a soft buffer brush to apply your foundation to allow it to smooth out your skin instead of settling into fine lines. "Lipstick 'feathering' or 'bleeding' can also be a challenge due to small wrinkles around the mouth area. Before putting on lipstick, I recommend using foundation or concealer (with the lips stretched wide when applying) around the mouth area to provide a barrier. Using a lip liner and applying a very light application of powder can also be helpful," she says.

2. Use small, circular motions to apply eye shadow evenly. "Opening up the eye with a soft vanilla shade on the lid and bringing the medium- and dark-toned shadows higher above the crease makes a world of difference. I love Clinique's All About Shadow Quad in Teddy Bear ($30). Use a small circular motion with your eye shadow brush to ensure the shadow is on the eyelid skin evenly. A windshield wiper motion can sometimes miss areas of the lid where there is some crepeiness."

3. Invest in cream and liquid products. "I definit ely recommend cream or liquid foundations and cream blush. Powder can settle in fine lines and emphasize those lines and any crepeiness we may have in our eye areas. It can also look splotchy and uneven. For most women, the skin tends to get drier as we mature, so using cream products with more moisture is definit ely a plus. They're also pretty mistake-proof. It's easy to start with a small dab and gradually build to a soft, light color that is flattering."

Though any product is fair game to use at any age, certain formulas do complement your skin as it ages. "Clinique makes some excellent skincare and makeup products that are fragrance -free and allergy tested," says Jahns. "Often as we get older, we become more sensitive to product ingredients. Mascaras, eyeliners, and eye shadows can definitely pose problems for more sensitive eyes." 33 "For women who need greater coverage due to redness or discoloration, I recommend Clinique's Beyond Perfecting Foundation + Concealer ($28), which is a combination foundat ion and concealer formula, and its Redness Solutions Makeup SPF 15 with Probiotic Technology ($28). I also like to add some of its new Even Better Glow Light Reflecting Makeup ($28) to give a dewier finish to the skin."

"Clinique also has an excellent product that helps reduce the appearance of larger pores," Jahns continues. "I also love Eve Pearl's HD Dual Foundation ($39) and primer. I think most of us are loath to invest in eye shadow palettes where we don't use half or a third of the colors, but It Cosmet ics makes several that are all great."

"The sheer number of products each makeup company has can feel overwhelming and intimidating. I recommend asking for samples at makeup counters—look for someone who's roughly your age as they'll likely have experienced some of the same challenges." 34 Dakota Johnsons Makeup Artist on How To Make Red Lipstick Last All Night

Jenna Rennert,Vogue There’s nothing like a bold red lip to get you in the right mindset and the right mood. But how to keep that cherry red lipstick in place—and away from your teeth—through multiple sips of champagne? We asked the makeup artist behind Dakota John- son’s epic bold pout, Pati Dubroff, to share her method for achieving the perfect lip—and making it last until the party’s over.

First and foremost: Prime the area. “Prepping with a lightbalm is important but needs to be done in advance,” says Dubroff, who suggests letting the balm absorb to properly moisturize the skin before applying any color. Iflips are feeling a little dry, try buffing the flakes awaywith a toothbrush and a lip scrub, like Fresh’s Sugar Lip Polish. Once lips are clean and excess balm has been wiped away, “apply a base coat of color straight from the tube to the center of the lip,” Dubroff says, and “press lightly with your finger to distribute over the whole area.” Then, to hold the color in place, define the lips with a pencil of the same shade.

Next, add another layer oflipstick, then blotwith tissue to help remove leftover pigment. To make the look lasteven longer, repeat this process a few times to ensure that the color is pressed and locked into the skin. Finish off with a light dusting of loose translucent powder applied with a small brush along the edges of the lips to guarantee a flake-free look that won’t budge—even through mistletoe kisses. 35 This Celeb Trick Makes Dark Lipstick Look SO Much Better

MI-ANNE CHAN

People always say that everything's better in moderation — alcohol, ice cream, continuously binge -watching The Office. Itmight behardtorefusein the moment, but y ou'll thank y ourself when y ou don't wake up with a killer hangover, or sleep in late for work after clicking "still watching"14 times.

Another place where moderation will servey ou well? Makeup. It's what separates the pros from the amateurs — especially when it comes to deep, dark lipstick. You might betemptedto pair a vampy winter lip with powdered, matte skin or even a smoky eye, but it's actually much fresher andmore modern to leave the rest of your face alone.

"I find that keeping the eyes simple when doing a dark lip keeps things balanced," say s makeup artist Patrick Ta, whoworkswith celebslike Olivia Munn and Joan Smalls. "It obv iously depends on the occasion how much or how little I'm going to do with the rest of the face, but for day -to-day glam [I like to] keep it simple with a few individual lashes, a touch of monochromatic blush, and a healthy glowing complexion." 36 As a joint-use airport, the Air Force was on one side of the field and civilian aircraft used the other side with the control Humor tower in the middle. One day the tower received a transmis- sion from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling? "The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make? "The tower controller replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If itisa commercial flight,itis3 o'clock. Ifitisan Army aircraft, it is1500 hours. If it isa Navyaircraft, it is6 bells. ifitisan Air Force aircraft, the big hand ison the 12 and the little hand ison the 3.if it isa Marine Corpsaircraft, it's Thursday afternoon and 120 minutes to "Happy Hour." 37 Angels In The Centerfold

Suzanne W. Jeffries

Pamela 38 Angels In The Centerfold

Tammy Trueheart

Stephanie W. 39 Mellissalynn’s Tips & Tricks

Wow. We've reached the eleven year mark for this column, ladies. Nine more years and I get a gold watch from Barbara!

My new job is going well. I'm working a full forty hours a week and am able to rack up all the overtime I want. Believe me, that's helping me take care of all the bills that racked up over six months of unemployment! I'm sleeping better for knowing I have the money to pay my debts again.

My Cubbies are starting the regular baseball season! They've been pretty stellar in spring training; I really think 2019 will be the second year I see a World Series in Chicago. I hope so, anyway; the Bulls are seriously tanking. They're playing for draft seeding again, I think. The Blackhawks are doing better than that, but it will be a push for them to make the playoffs (not that I follow a lot of hockey, but I hear the statistics on the radio every morning on the way to work).

My youngest son is buying a car. It's a beater, a 1998 Toyota Corolla, but the engine is sound and it has less than 200,000 miles on it. He's paying $500, so he isn't going to go wrong with the car. I figure if he gets a year out of it, he's ahead of the game, but the truth is, that car will have the body fall apart before the engine dies.

I had a bad scare this month, girls. My friend, mentor, and former partner in my salon is 75 years old this year. She caught a bad case of septic pneumonia, and at one point last week her heart was failing. The doctors placed her in an induced coma to try to regulate things, but didn't expect her to survive. Well, she's a fighter, and a week later, she's being brought out of the coma and doing well enough that the heart doctor is bowing out of her treatment due to not being needed. I'm so relieved!

So tell me about your month, ladies! Tell me about your spring plans, an upcoming vacation, a great outing en femme, or share other news in general. You’re always welcome to share tips and tricks, of course! Write to me, any time, at [email protected]. You can hit me up on Facebook; my username there is Mellissa Lynn. I ALWAYS answer any and all mail I get! And, as many of you know, if you send me a question or a tip or trick, you'll see your name in print in this column. I love hearing from you all, so send me that mail, lovelies!

PS: Ladies, I'd like to apologize for the MANY typos in last month's column. My keyboard is on its last legs, and being a specialized one, it's going to cost me a few bucks to replace it. I'm on the patrol for the little buggers this month! 40

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One of the hardest things to pull off is the nude lip look. If you do it incorrectly, you're going to either look too pink, too orange, or too gray. You have to be careful when looking for just the right shade that works on your lips. It could be the difference between looking perfect and looking...well, looking a bit more unfortunate.

The first thing to examine is the natural color of your lips. You'll also want to note the undertone and the skin tone. A good nude look is a great balance of warmer and cooler tones. People with lighter or fair skin will easily pull off pink and rose hues. The medium and olive skin tones look amazing in browns or beiges. For dark and deep skin tones, you have a lot of wiggle room to play with, trying shades ranging from rich cocoas to dark caramels.

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As a stylist and makeup artist, I love to look at beautiful actresses to see if I can figure out their secrets. One of the actresses I adore looking at is Grace Kelly. She was a true beauty!

For me, the thing that makes her such is her cheeks. She has absolutely exquisite cheekbones! I recently read an article about her that told me her secret; she used two shades of blush! Now, this isn't a new thing, but her method is a bit different.

To try her technique, start by applying a lighter shade from near your ears to the outer corner of the eyes. Suck in your cheeks to find your cheekbones, then darker shade just along the top of and just beneath the hollow that's created. For added effect,you can apply just a tiny touch of a clear shimmer or highlighter, be sparing, a little goes a long way here. Blend well.

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A recent study performed in Italy displayed a startling fact: people with stable blood sugar levels are slimmer than those whose sugars aren't stable. There are new medications now coming onto the market to help with this. They do so by reducing the amount of sugars that are absorbed in our diet; these sugars are flushed from the body without being digested.

As a diabetic, I find this news incredible and exciting! I do a fairly good job of regulating the sugar entering my system, but no matter how careful I am, there are sugars in the foods and drinks we consume, even natural ones. I'm reading about women who have lost 35 and 40 pounds in very short order using these medications! I'm speaking to my doctor about starting a regimen of one of these; I'll report on my progress in a future column if it pans out.

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The warm is coming, girls! Here is an idea on keeping your makeup safe and sweat-free when you do it. After all, who wants to go out and look like you're a wax figure melting in the heat? 41 After applying your moisturizer, give yourself a minute or so of cool air from your hair dryer (or sit in front of an air conditioner for a few seconds). Apply your makeup, then do this again. The cool air will set your moisturizer the first time and your makeup the second. This should prevent the makeup's departure from your face.

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The big ball of fire in the sky is going to make its return soon, chicas. When it does, it can suck the moisture right out of your hair! This will leave the hair dry and porous, and thirsting for those necessary oils. The outcome of all this? Frizzy hair.

We can avoid this with an aloe vera spray. Aloe is an emollient; it seals the hair cuticle so the hair only soaks up the right amount of oils. The amino acids in the plant will nourish and strengthen your tresses as well.

You can buy an aloe vera spray, but Mellissa is a penny pincher. Why buy what I can make? So here's the DIY for making a spray at home. You'll need a half-cup of aloe vera gel, a tablespoon of hair conditioner, a third-cup of water, and a spray bottle to put the mixture in. Shake it well when in the bottle, then spray on wet or damp hair. If you use this three times weekly, your hair will be frizz-free all spring and summer!

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With the heat comes uncomfortableness in many forms. Sometimes it's hard being a girl, and even harder being a cute one! One thing you don't want to be dealing with is chafing your thighs when you're wearing a pair of short shorts or a short skirt. Here's the easy way to avoid it.

Buy a dedicated lip balm with petroleum jelly as an ingredient and apply to your inner thighs. Simple as that. Or if you're cheap like me, DIY it by mixing a quarter-cup of petroleum jelly with the liquid from two capsules of Vitamin E. Apply a tiny amount of this mixture to your inner thighs before getting dressed. If you still get chafed, apply this again before going to bed. You might want to get a sealable container for storage. My strategy is to do both of these.

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So there you are, getting ready to do your makeup, and you note that your face is rather oily. You go to get a cleanser and realize that you're out. What to do?

Baby powder to the rescue! Sprinkle a small amount on your fingertips, then pat onto the face. Wipe with a dry cloth. The powder will absorb the oils aand leave your skin a bit more ready for your makeup.

As a side note, here's another neat use for baby powder that I found. If you find that you've sweat through a white shirt, try this trick. Turn the shirt inside out and sprinkle some baby powder on the col- lar and the underarms, then iron the shirt on medium heat for a few seconds. The powder will stop the sweat from staining, and save your blouse! 42 @@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

This last weekend was my monthly Tri-Ess gathering. I finished making myself up, got dressed, and was heading out the door when I happened to notice that I'd missed a spot shaving my leg. Being a smart woman and an experienced cosplayer with many emergency tricks at her disposal, I knew just what to do!

Dashing back to the restroom, I pulled out the baby oil. I applied a tiny dollop to the area, and spread it around. A couple of strokes of the razor later, the crisis was handled!

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Polish is a paint and belongs on your nails. But other kinds of paint aren't meant for the body (unless it's body paint, but I digress). So what to do if you get it on your skin?

Well, you can try a homemade sugar scrub by pouring a little sugar into your hand and lightly scrubbing the affected area. The sugar's abrasiveness should lift the paint right off. Alternately, you can try the same thing with petroleum jelly. The oils in it will break down the paint and remove it from the skin.

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Rules...are made to be broken. Nowhere is this more true than in the art of applying makeup. I'm horrible, for example, about using the 'right' brush for a particular task. I'm MUCH better about the rule regarding cleaning them, though.

Another rule that is meant for breaking these days is this one: you MUST use powder if you wear foundation, especially liquid. Makeup has progressed from the days when this was an absolute. Powder can actually dull the look of a great makeup job, girls!

These days, we have other ways of setting our paints. There are moisturizers that will set themselves without need of any assistance. There are also these wonderful setting sprays that you mist on and do nothing to the look of the makeup. ELF makes a great one.

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I recently started taking a saw palmetto supplement along with my biotin. This supplement is great for strengthening and thickening your hair! There are substances called phytosterols in the plant (saw palmetto is aplant, if youwere unaware) that strengtrhen the hair strand at the root. This helps in 43 blocking shedding, and nourishes the strands so that they appear fuller.

If the bottle of saw palmetto is correct, I could see as much as a 35% increase in my hair density in a few months. You can get saw palmetto on Amazon or in a health food store; it's not terriblky expensive. If the results are accurate, it's worth its weight in gold!

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Another item containing phytosterols is wheat germ oil. This oil (again, available in health food stores or online) is also chock full of things like Vitamin A, Vitamin E, and magnesium. All of these things do amazing stuff for the skin! Put together, they are a fantastic fighter of the double chin. When applied, the skin's circulationis stimulated and starts to flush toxins and excess fluids. This will tighten up the skin in short order.

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I've been trying to get my feet ready for sandal and flip-flop weather. One thing I've been doing is a neat little DIY tip involving sea salt. I have a bottle of lotion dedicated for my feet that I mixed some sea salt into. I apply this before I shower, and it's been marvelous in removing dead and rough skin. The salt is also packed with nutrients in healing any cracks and providing moisture.

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To erase crow's feet, apply a wash cloth soaked with a half-cup of whole milk and two tablespoons of Vitamin E oil to your closed eyes for ten minutes.

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For my final tip of the month, I want to share a way to fool the eye into thinking that your brows are fuller than they are. The trick to this is building up what you have, but not actually redrawing your brows. With the right tool, it's an easy task.

Look for a brow pencil with a cooler undertone, about a shade or so darker than your actual brows. Take a spoolie brush to your brows, combing them downward to reveal the brow bone. Using the pencil, apply light, feathery strokes to the brows thinner areas. Brush the brow hair back into place. The difference will shock you!

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And so the first column of year eleven draws to a close. Girls, I hope you all find something of use in this column this month. I also hope you have a great month. For those who celebrate it, happy Easter! 44 Sending me mail is the easiest thing in the world to do, girls, and I love hearing from you all. You can send it to my e-mail at [email protected]; as you know, my inbox is always open! You can also hit me up on Facebook; my name there is Mellissa Lynn. Send me your tips, tricks, and ideas! You could find your name in a future column!

I’ll talk to you all again next month, with a whole new column of tips and tricks. Until then, be safe and be beautiful! 45 Revolutionary Plus-Sized Stores Making Fashion More Inclusive

We hope you love these brands as much as we do! So you know, Livingly may collect a share of sales from these links. By Marlen Komar

When it comes to sizing, the fashion world still has a lot of work to do in order to become inclusive and open to all. But there are certain brands who are taking charge and creating collections, programs, and promises that increase their sizing, design for different silhouettes (not just the classic hourglass one,) and push other designers around them to follow suit. Ahead are the revolutionary plus-size stores that are making fashion more inclusive, no matter what your size.

Universal Standard Not only does Universal Standard want to get away from "plus size" and "straight size" labels altogether, but the brand will also let you see the item on your own body size so you can better picture it. "We wanted a size 26 to shop in the same way as a size 6 — using style as her only filter, and we wanted to be the ones to make that happen," the brand shares on its site.

They also have something called "Fit Liberty," which is an understanding that some women put off shopping because their size fluctuates throughout the year and they don't want to spend money on a constantly changing closet. In order to nix that anxiety, Universal Standard will send you a free size upgrade within a year of purchase, whether you lose or gain weight. Amazing.

Dia & Co A plus size subscription box, Dia & Co. is amazing in the fact that it is proactively trying to make the fashion industry more inclusive by directly reaching out to de- signers and asking them to expand their sizing range. The company launched its #MoveFashionForward initiative, which challenges top designers to create plus- size clothing that runs up to a size 30. They pledged to provide financial and practi- cal support to designers who want to open up their straight-size brands and include plus size women. 46 ASOS Have you ever looked at a dress online but wondered what it would look like on your particular body type? ASOS gets that not everyone can envision whether a piece looks good while looking at a size 4 model, so they created an option where you can choose a model with your corresponding body silhouette.

Modcloth Modcloth has had an extensive plus size collection before the body positivity movement pushed more stores to create their own curvier collections a few years ago, but what makes them revolutionary is that they were one of the first stores to get rid of their plus size section alto- gether. Instead they combined their plus size and straight size collections together, offering the same items just with expanded sizes.

Premme Premme carries sizes 12-30, and offers super trendy pieces to a wide range of body types. "We believe babes of all sizes deserve bold, fashion-forward statement pieces without compromise. At Premme, we think that clothing should be about expressing your personality and having fun, not feeling limited by society’s current fashion rules," the site reads.

The brand was actually founded by popular plus size style bloggers, Gabi Gregg and Nicolette Mason, so you know it's good.

Manifesta Rachel Blumenfeld got tired of having to adjust her pants and shirts every time she was working out so they wouldn't ride up and flash some skin, and she figured that her workout clothes didn't fit her curvy body properly because they weren't created with her in mind. And she was right: after some research she learned that most clothes are designed around a size 4/6 woman with “conventional proportions." Learning that, she decided to create a whole brand that didn't treat plus size women like an afterthought. 47 Isolated Heroes For a very long time, plus size clothing was made to help women blend into the background and cover up, as if they didn't want to play with playful fashion and stand out. Isolated Heroes helps to break that stereotype by offering rave-like, hippie dippie festival clothes to people of all sizes, letting them pick through collections of sequins, faux furs, and glitter.

Their sizes run up to a size 24, and they do street castings for all of their photo shoots, only using real people.

Neon Moon The U.K.-based lingerie brand doesn't mess around when it comes to representation and opening the lingerie world for all people. For example, in 2015, their #IAmNeonMoon campaign featured a transgender woman, plus-size women, and women who aren't classically "feminine" and, instead, are rocking a shaved head.

Then in 2016, they got rid of their number sizes and replaced the back labels with terms like "Beautiful," "Stunning," and "Lovely," which were attached to different measurements. This helped women connect with the fact that their number didn't define them. GlamoriseSport GlamoriseSport makes full-figure workout and ex- ercise bras, but one item in particular is changing the game for women with big- ger boobs: their Adjustable Support Wire Sport Bra.

This bra has two layers, where it's a sports bra with a hidden underwire bra un- derneath. It also has adjustable support on the front of the straps, letting you adjust the bra from low, to medium and high support, depending on what kind of workout you're doing. You will never have to wear two bras again! And the most exciting part? Their sizing is very inclusive, where band sizes run from 32 -46 and cup sizes B-G!

AdoreMe Both an online lingerie store and subscription box, AdoreMe doesn't ignore its plus size client base by offering bras that run up to a 46G and panties that go up to 4X. 48 Jeffrey Campbell x La'shaunae Steward Plus Size Shoes Plus size shoes are hard to find, and when you do they're often not as stylish or as exciting as a lot of the straight-size collections. Which is why when shoe designer Jeffrey Campbell linked up with style blogger La'shaunae Steward to create a fashion-forward, on-trend plus size shoe collection, it was a big deal. Complete with heels, booties, and even thigh high blue suede boots, it was a total game changer.

Stitch Fix Plus A plus-size on-demand personal styling service, they carry an endless number of styles in sizes 14W-24W, 1X-3X, so they can send you quality, stylish pieces as frequently as you'd like.

R-Sport Plus size people often times get left out of the equation when it comes to fitness apparel, and R-Sport is swooping in and filling in that gap by creating workout clothes and triathlon gear that reaches up to a 6X.

Zelie For She With sizes ranging from XL to XXXL (or 14- 24), Zelie For She offers flirty, beautiful outfits for a wide array of body types. The designer, Elann Zelie, explained why she started her line, and what kind of void she's filling in the fashion community. "Being a young plus-size girl, find- ing fashionable clothing was difficult. I would dream of the fashion I wanted wear," Zelie wrote on the website, "Those dreams lead me to create Zelie for She."

Gwynnie Bee Gwynnie Bee is a size inclusive clothes renting service where you can either wear the pieces sent to your door for a few days and then return them, or keep them and pay a fraction of the price you would if you bought them at the store. But the great thing about Gwynnie Bee is how size inclusive it is. Most of the straight size pieces also come in plus sizes, meaning that everyone gets to shop the same items no matter their body type. Which means that straight sizes aren't the only ones who get interesting and fashion-forward options — those are available to all. 49 CoEdition Offering women's sizes 10 to 26, CoEdition is on a mission to partner with nearly 150+ contemporary fashion brands to bring stylish but size inclusive styles to their customer's finger tips. No longer will you have to scour a lame and limited selection of plus size clothing at the mall or fast fashion store. Instead you will have a massive array of options that will help you create your best wardrobeyet.

Stylogic A subscription box that uses a stylist, you take a quiz and then the fashion expert sends you a box of five items that they think you would like. The sizes rage from 0 to 28, so it's also quite size inclusive.

Savage x Fenty Savage x Fenty is helping to change the lingerie game, where Rihanna's brand made a massive push in their marketing to include plus size women in all different shapes and sizes (and not just the tradi- tional hourglass silhouette.) Right now the brand caries up to a3Xpanty sizeand a44 DD brasize.

Aerie Aerie has shaken up the fashion world by promising to not retouch the models in their campaigns and ads, featuring women with tummy rolls, cellulite, stretch marks, and scars. They have been using models of all different shapes and sizes these past couple of years, giving their audience a broader understanding of what real bodies look like.

Plus BKLYN Both a Brooklyn-based store and an online retailer, Plus Bklyn was created in order to cover the gap of New York not having any retail locations specifically for size 14-plus women. "Of the limited plus options available, almost all of them were online only or the fit was off, often poor or matronly and designed to hide my shape. I was really shocked that in all of New York City I couldn't seem to find hip, fun, edgy or youthful options — or really any options at all other than the big box chain stores. I knew there were many fashion conscious women just like me, and because no other boutique or store was meeting that need I thought, 'Hell, I'll do it myself,'" Alexis Krase, the founder, explained. 50 SmartGlamour SmartGlamour is a NYC retailer that offers custom clothing for women of all sizes — and not just straight sizes. And they mean all sizes: every design is available in XXS to 15X!

Fashion to Figure Fashion to Figure offers the latest fashion in sizes 12-24, but their denim is the star of the show when it comes to being revolutionary. It's available up to a size 24 and comes in a bevvy of different trendy styles, but since the brand specializes in curvy bodies, the denim is designed with a plus size body in mind. They will fit you like a glove.

RWN by Rawan Rawan Ghawi was the third employee ever hired in Forever 21’s plus-size division, and she later went on to open up her own plus size brand that caters to an even wider range of bodies and silhouettes. RWN by Ra- wanespecially specializes in denim for sizes 10 to 32, and you can choose your pants between a straight size or a size wider at the hips. That way you'll never have your waist band cut intoyour sides again.

Curvy Beach While women with bigger breasts often like a little support in their swimsuit apparel, that's not always 100 percent the case. Sometimes you just want a teeny string bikini, but they're almost impossible to find if you're plus size. Enter Curvy Beach, which is here to fill that gap and offers options for sizes 4 - 26 and A-J cups.

Mei Smith Mei Smith is a luxury retailer which creates exclusive capsule collections with designers that make clothes for sizes 12+. The brand was created when Ayanna Wu Celestin didn't understand why she couldn't wear designer pieces like her straight- size friends did. They were never available for her body type, so she created a brand that asks normally straight-size stores and labels to create plus size capsule collections, making fashion more inclusive and diverse. 51 11 Honoré 11 Honoré offers designer apparel in sizes 10 through 20, letting you choose from top designers like Michael Kors, Marchesa, Christian Siriano, and Zac Posen, givingyou style options if yourtastes run towards luxurious.

ELOQUII Eloquii carries sizes 14-28, and while they have trendy and fashion forward collections, their fit is what makes this brand so revolutionary. Their technical fit team is just as big as their design team, and they even spend time reading reviews to see how they could improve their fit formula for different plus size bodies.

AshleyNell Tipton After winning Project Runway in 2015, Ashley Nell Tipton went on to open her own plus size brand, creating playful, on- trend pieces that don't cover or hide plus size bodies. Her newest collection has everything from sheer dresses, tight body suits, and gingham overalls, where Tipton understands that curvy women want to experiment with fashion just as much as their straight size counterparts.

Happy Easter 52 So You Think Pajamas Aren’t Chic? by Donnakelli (reprinted from Sisterhouse.net)

Hi ladies…Pajamas aren’t chic, Huh! Got your interest, did I? Well it’s been a busyfew weeks with all the holidays butI’m back and have a few things to share as well as whatIwore.In October I attended my friend Allison Annalora’s !musical cabaret at Alibi Azul in Palm Springs Ca. Ali sings beautifullyand always has a fantasticshow. The venue “Alibi Azul” is very friendly and a fun place to spend an evening if you are in Palm Springs.

Pictured above are Myself (DonnaKelli) and Allison Annalora, in the next picture L to R Donna Kelli, Carol Kamenis, Brianne King and Allison Annalora. Carol sings as well and is wonderful to listen to, she has performed in many venues. Alibi Azul is on the web at this address:

Pictures here were taken outside Azul, the dress was Teal blue by Anne Klein gathered and ruched at the mid-section with beading and glitter on the shoulders, shoes are Taupe Nine West closed toe ankle straps with a 3 ½ inch heel. Jewelry was silver by Brighton with a Michael Kors watch.

The evening was terrific and Ali as usualsang like an Angel. As I always say girls be safe out there, so since myspouse was working and unable to attend I had a verygood friend as an escort for the evening. This pic is Escort and Donna Kelli. 53 As Halloween was approaching I made plans to attend the Rockwell dinner thea- ters annual performance of Hocus Pocus in L.A. They do this every year and itis done with a very comedic and campy flare, myspouse and I attended October 26th prior to Halloween and had a fabulous time as we always do at the Rockwell

This picture is in the Rockwell lounge prior to the performance and dinner, I wore charcoal gray skinny jeans by NY & Co. with a grayand black animal print top with ¾sleeves from Venus.com. Shoes were booties from Carlos Santana, purse was Jessica Simpson Taupe hobo bag and jewelry was Brighton.

In November Dr. Sharen Jeffries hosted another of her Office parties, this one was her fall party and she decided to give it a Masquerade theme. Dr. Sharen owns Sage/Premier Cosmetics medical office in Redlands Ca. and can do any type of facial, laser facial, Botox and chemical peel. Her staff is friendly and caring, this is their contact info:

Picture is Dr. Sharen Jeffries andmyself at her Fall Masquerade Office party.

L to R Candace facial aesthetician and Donna Kelli, center picture Image Product consultant and Donna Kelli and last picture Dr. Sharen Jeffries and Donna Kelli.

I wore a dress from Fashion Mia with jewelry from Brighton and Michael Kors, pumps are Nine West 3 ½ inch heels in Taupe. The Image product consultant and Dr. Sharen both chose long elegant gowns for the Masquerade ball theme. Approx. 60 ladies were in attendance and won several prizes. Dr. Sharen does her Office parties twice per year and they are always lots of fun and informative regarding caring for ourskin. 54 During the Month of October something wonderful and exciting happened and I want to share this,Iwas putin contactwith Nina ofthe Female Voice Club.

Tasi put me in contact with her because I alreadyhave a very female voice, but I wanted to find someone who is qualified to teach voice. I have been askedmanytimes when girls meetme in person ifIcan teach them to train their voice as Idid,Ialways respond with the factthatI’m not qualified,so I wanted to find a referral for girls trying to find their inner female voice. Nina is wonderful, we’ve become friends and she lives very near me in So. Calif. She offers an introductory lesson to new students. If you’re serious give her a try and by all means practice, I think with Nina and practice your inner girl will finallyspeak. I’ll include pics of Nina and I in my next column. More details about the Female Voice Club are here

December 9th, I was invited byRita Doyle to attend a performance of Handel’s Messiah at the Antelope Valley performing arts center. I accepted and we were joined by my longtime friend Sheri Mayfield who also lives in So. Calif.

I drove to Sheri’s home in Antelope Valley and we met Rita at Marie Callenders restaurant for dinner at 6:00pm. We had great conversation, it was the first time Rita and Sherimet, they were like old friends. After dinner we took a couple of picture and then drove to the performance at 8:00pm.

The first picture was taken in the entrance at Marie Callenders restaurant, L to R Sheri Mayfield, Rita Doyle and DonnaKelli. The second picture was taken after the performance of Handel Messiah in the performing arts lobby near a Christmas tree, we are all dressed warm because it was very cold that December evening.

I wore a soft Purple sweater dress from Homeyee with black Calvin Klein pumps, silver and gold jewelrywith a fauxleather coat and scarf to accent my dress.

After the performance Sheri and I took Rita to her car andsaid our good byes,it was a wonderful evening with good friends. Due to itbeing late and a long drive home Sheri was gracious and had invited me tostaythe night at her home.

We had a very small (2 people) pajama partyand chatted far into the morning. It’s what we girls do… Right?? 55 I wasn’t going to share PJ pictures but since they are only PJ’s I’ll make an exception. I took these after waking up the following morning and before coffee so please be kind…LOL

Sheri and I decided to go shopping at the Antelope Valleymall and grab a light lunch before I had to drive home.

Sheri Mayfield and Donna Kelli. Here is a picture of a new dress I bought from Venus.com it’s velour and very clingy sizing is true to size, it’s in their current catalog. I haven’t worn it anywhere yet butthink itwould be greatfor a trip to Vegas.

This is the same dress I wore to the Concert only in blue, very comfortable sweater dress and well made, available on amazon.com. I modeled it with dark taupe Jessica Simpson 4-inch heels and silver jewelry. I can’t wait to find a place to wear itto.

I have done it again and probably run long this month, I hope I caught up with all the fun holidaythings going on at least here in So. Calif.

I’ll be back to write about the Malls here andsome trends or style shifts due to weather, they are never very obvious in So. California.

Oh and my pajamas (PJs) are from Kohl’s, a gift from myspouse, at least these are, I have too many…but I think I misspoke , girls can never have too many pretty clothes, pajamas and shoes..can they..? 56 As always girls please besafe out there, and please do go out there and enjoythe world, it belongs to all of us. Girls are allshapes,sizes and ages, let the inner girl out and it will be hard to keep her in.

Warm Hugs

DonnaKelli

What You Can Expect to Pay for Clothing Alterations, According to a Tailor A good fit makes all the difference! Consult this helpful guide before you visit your local tailor. By CLAIRE S ULMERS

Clothing alterations are worth factoring into your budget,ifat all possible—a good fit makes all the difference. For the very best (albeit costly) fit possible, buy your clothes a size larger and have them altered by a tailor. If that's not practical for your budget, consider using tailoring as a way to make sure the clothes you wear mostoften (say, your go-to sheath dress for work) fit beautifully.

Here, Ken Grippi, a technical consultant and a tailor for Dependable Cleaners, a New England-based chain, reveals the cost of some typical modifications. Just note that the costof alterations may vary, depending on the difficulty of the service and the shop providing it.

• Shorten sleeves on a dress shirt: $28. • Shorten sleeves on a jacket: $36 (without buttons) to $40 (with buttons). • Take in the bodyofa jacket:$46 (two seams)to $59 (three seams). • Take in a dress shirt: $20. • Adjust the shoulders of a jacket: $73. • Hem a skirt or a dress: $14. • Hem a pairof jeans orpants:$10. Take in a sheath dress: $49. 57 Tasi’s Fashion News Yes, It’s All About the Clothes

Yes, it’s all about the clothes, How often have we cross-dressers heard that sarcastic comment from the mouths of transitioned/transitioning women and it’s even echoed from themouths of gender counselors too. Yet these same girls express their own lack of femininity in their dress. American women, in general, have become a nation of sloppy dressers and have learned nothing from theirsisters of past generations. The millennials have taken casual dress to the extreme and in the process have lost much of their femininity. So yes, dress is important.

Linda Grant in her book, The Thoughtful Dresser, said it clearly, “Clothes were not what you wore to be comfortable, they were how you built your femininity…women instinctively realized that they would be judged on how they dressed”. This is hardly new news as psychologists have shown that how you dress effects the impression (and treatment) of yourself by others so giving a good first impression is hardlya new thought.

Unfortunately, in great swathes of America today, dressing up is the sartorial equivalent of the old class taunt, “who does she think she is”. Taking pride in being badly dressed, not caring how you look, and dressing to “feel comfortable” has become a standard and not an exception. And for women in particular, this attitude of sloppiness has spilled over into how theyfeel about their bodies often making them miserable. This in turn effects their purchases of clothes and buying what covers them rather than what fits them. And if you don’t feel good about your looks, your femininitywill notshine through.

The feminist will saywe should be judged on who we are, not how we dress, but “You can’t have depths without surfaces,” says Linda Grant. For centuries, an interest in clothes has been dismissed as the trivial pursuit of vain, empty-headed women. Yet, clothes matter, whether you are interested in fashion or not, because how we choose to dress defines who we are. How we look and what we wear tells astory.

Clothes are a lifelong journeyinto acquiring an identity, an identitywhich should be deliberately formulated and not byaccident. This is what Sister House is all about – a guidebook to better dressing for trans women and cross-dressers. Indeed, all cross-dressing is a means by which we can give expression to those secret selves which lie beneath our obvious appearance. Both Kandi Robbins and Marie Greene (Sister House authors) will be talking to these points in coming months so stay tuned for their articles. But to start, read Marie’s observations on Gentle Reminders of Femininity. 58 You can pooh-pooh the importance of fashion yet all women want to look pretty. Some women saytheydon’t care about what theywear and they’re sloppy, but I think theyare denying something that is essential to a woman. It has to do with both femininityand desireability. This story from post World War 11 illustrates the point. Shortly after the liberation of the Bergen-Belsen death camp, the British Red Cross arrived with a huge quantity of lipstick. The emaciated, bald and shivering women from the camp were all walking around with this smear of red on theirmouth. It was a brilliant idea because that single initiative made these individuals women again. They all had this collective desire to look pretty again.

And so itis with mostwomen.The desire to be prettyis there whether hidden or not,for itis in glamour that women have their strength and clothes are an integral part of that.

Gavin Mcinnes in his 12 step plan to restore American femininity says “Today’s (American) woman is more like an ornery dude than a Southern belle” The feminists got it wrong. You can crunch numbers or lift cinderblocks if you wish, but you still have the womanly things to do when you gethome;so be a woman.

In Marcia Reynolds article in Psychology Today on What Does It Mean To Be Feminine, she cites this example from a speaking tour in China

“I just returned from teaching leadership and coaching skills classes for two weeks in China. I loved the beautiful, young women in myclasses. Their clothes were exquisitelyfeminine as were theirsmiles, embraces and dancing eyes. To mysurprise, when theyhandedme their business cards, they held titles of Director, Regional Vice President, and Managing Partner. Young educated women have equal opportunityto advance. Femininity is accepted in female business leaders in China as long as they are smart, focused and willing to learn. Susanne, Lee and Camille talk about femininityfor trans women on Transline Hollywood…a most interesting discussion

Finally, I loved this brief video on how cross-dressers can Feel & Be More Feminine !! Apretty dress is just the trick to help bring out your femininityand yes, it is about the clothes. This particular dress which I had custom-made got rave reviews from my women friends and now I’m adding asilver petticoat to give it more fullness. And yes, I am seen as a beautiful, somewhat older woman andsize has nothing to do with it. It’s the inner radiance that comes out when you are happy.

Tasi Zuriack (1941-2018)

Tasi was a lifelong crossdresser. She’s the founder of the Ladies of the Blue Ridge transgender group in Roanoke VA, a prolific writer, commentator and blogger including fashion articles for Tri-Ess, TG Reporter, Repartee, and Pretty T-Girls magazine. 59 Ladylike Laws: Proper Party Girl Etiquette by Lauren Conrad

It’s the holidayseason, which canmean onlyone thing: It’s partytime! Whether it’s a holiday soiree, a small get-together, or a fabulous New Year’s fete, knowing how to navigate a party with ease and grace is crucial. If your mailbox(or should I sayinbox) is flooded with celebratoryinvites, then this is amust-read for you. Ladies, I present to you the Proper Party Girl Commandments:

Your Arrival • Thou shall arrive within the first 30 minutes. • Thou shall seek out the host and graciouslythank them for the beautiful party. • Thou shall provide the host with a small gift such as a bottle of wine or a box of chocolates. • Thou shall introduce thy guest upon each introduction. Thou shalt not bring any unexpected or uninvited guests. Sorry party crashers.

Matters Concerning Drinking • Thou shalt not drink excessively. • Thou shalt avoid mixing drinks. Thou shalt not present thyself as a hotmess.

With Regards to Eating • Thou shalt not overeat. • Thou shalt not double dip. Ever. Ew. • Thou shalt not walk around with multiple hors d’oeuvres. • Thou shall toss used napkins and toothpicks in the trash. Thou shall check for leftovers in thy teeth before engaging in conversation.

Terms of Conversation • Thou shalt not corner anyone into a conversation the entire night (unless he’s cute). • Thou shall avoid topics pertaining to business and other potentiallyunpleasant matters. Thou shalt not complain.

The Departure • Thou shalt not ‘pop in’ to the partyfor 10 minutes and leave. • Thou shall bid the host adieu if it is an intimate gathering. However, if it’s a big party, tho shall quietlyleave instead. • Thou shalt not overstay thy welcome. (Don’t linger… It’s creepy.) Thou shalt not ever leave a birthday party before the cake has been served.

What’s the biggest party disaster you’ve ever witnessed? XO Lauren 60

What Is Etiquette? by Astrid (reprinted from Sisterhouse.net)

Manytransgenders develop a heightened interest in etiquette when theystart going out in public as women, for, in somestrange way, etiquette seems to be a “female thing.” In their everyday lives, most men don’t direct much thought to what they vaguely perceive to be an abstract code of conduct no doubt written by some uptight Victorian types. And while most men get through their daywithout drawing excessive negative attention to themselves, what man hasn’t had the experience of doing orsaying something onlyto have the woman in his life roll her eyes, glare at him, sigh, or look totally embarrassed. Or perhaps she remains silent until later, but I can promise you that in the meantime she is thinking some very unflattering things. At a certain level mostmen are aware of this gender-based pas de deux and simply accept it as part of being a man.

But what happens when themansuddenlytakes on the role of a woman? Does panic set in as (s)he realizes thatshemust now become the great arbiter ofmanners for herself? How can onesuddenlybe knowledgeable in this mysterious code that so manygenetic women seem to have absorbed by osmosis somewhere during their early years?

The good news is that etiquette, meaning society’s standard for good manners, isn’t nearly as complicated as many people think. Assuming that none of you has an upcoming date for a White House dinner or presentation to the queen, there truly are not long pages of intricate rules that must be committed to memory. Most of the etiquette issues we will cover here are half common sense and half practice.

The most basic definition ofmanners is simplydoing what makes those around you feel comfortable. One of the reasons for rules is simply to keep everyone on the same pageso that no one ends up feeling odd- man-out – or, in our case, odd-woman-out. Some of you may have heard the tale of the Manhattan socialite of a certain age who watched in surprise as one of her dinner guests picked up his finger bowl and drank it like a broth. As a shockedsilence fell over the table, she hesitated only briefly before picking up her own finger bowl and drinking it in the same manner. Several other guests then gamelyfollowed suit, and an embarrassing situation was avoided. This old-guard woman understood that genuine etiquette demanded first and foremost that her guest not be humiliated.

I personallythink that this is one reason whyso often the topic of manners seems to be a feminine one. Women tend to bemore aware of those around them and thus more inclined to do something to put another at ease or to have noticed the usual wayof doing things within a 61 given group orsituation.

Beyond this starting point for etiquette, though, there are some basic rules that most women follow in public, and it is these that we will concern ourselves with in this column. Being a genetic woman, I don’t consciouslythink about most of them, so I encourage you to send in your questions and I will use them as the basis for future columns.

In the meantime, relaxand enjoybeing a woman. Being comfortable with yourself is asurefire wayto put those around you at ease, and once you can do that, people will alreadysee you as a polite person.

QUESTIONS FROM OUR READERS To get the ball rolling, I’ve started with a question that I’ve heard several times within the TG community. This particular question may be a bit “philosophical”, but it is also about cour- tesy.

Q: Sometimes when I’m in a restaurant I feel like the server has an “attitude” towards me. Howshould Ihandle this?

A: I once heard an African-American woman say that one of the hardest lessons she had to learn was that not every act of rudeness towards her was because she was black. Some people are simply rude, and it has nothing to do with who they’re dealing with. Others mayusuallybe polite but they’re having a bad dayand don’t have the emotional maturity to keep it out of the work- place. And then of course there is a third group who is intentionallyand selectivelybeing rude because of some trait or behavior in the customer that theydon’t approve of.

In most cases it’s very hard to know what kind of rude you’re dealing with. I would suggest that you handle this exactlyas you would in non-dressedmode. If you think that the rudeness or poor service warrants calling it to the manager’s attention, do so. You’re the customer and have every right to expect to be treated with respect. I wouldn’t mention any aspect of your own dress as that’s not really pertinent. I’d simply say that the server had been discourteous (or had repeatedly ignored you, or whatever.)

On the other hand, if the rudeness is simplya minor annoyance or a naggingsuspicion on your 62 part and you’re not comfortable elevating it, write it off as one of life’s less stellarmoments, and make a mental note to avoid that restaurant in the future.

The most important thing is to not letsomeone else’s problem ruin your meal. Don’t let their unhappiness spill over onto you.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Lucille Sorella is a GG (genetic girl) who teaches crossdressers, transsexuals, and transgender females how to look, act, and feel like real women. Her goal is to help T-women express their inner and outer femininityand increase their confidence as women. She has a professional background in fashion, beauty, dance, and natural healing and has been working with the transgender community for the past 12 years. Her website is loaded with useful information and is located at http://www.flat2fem.com/index1.html .

5 Mistakes that Make You Less Ladylike

What do you think of when you hear the word “ladylike?”

Beauty, poise, and class? Or outdated ideas of femininity?

To me, being ladylike means being classy, gracious, and elegant. No matter what your idea of femininity might be, I’m sure we can agree that those are great traits to have.

So what should you do to present yourself as a lady? I think the best way to an- swer that is to discuss what NOT to do…

Here are 5 common mistakes that make you less ladylike: Mistake #1: Showing too much skin

Being ladylike definitely doesn’t mean being a buttoned-up prude. However, good taste goes a long way when presenting yourself as a woman. 63 It can be tricky to know how much is too much, so here are some simple guide- lines to keep in mind:

Show off one part of your body and keep the rest covered. A little mystery is sexy, so show off your legs, breasts, or back – just not all at once.

Flaunt the right amount of cleavage. A good rule of thumb is to reveal 20%- 40% of your bust. This gives you sex appeal, while keeping it classy.

Try the finger length test. To determine the proper skirt length, stand up straight and put your arms to your side. If your fingertips fall past the hem of your skirt, it’s too short. Mistake #2: Not minding your manners

Good manners and etiquette are dying arts in to- day’s world. Saying “please” and “thank you” are simple ways to elevate your ladylike status.

The rules of etiquette can be a bit more confusing. To learn more, check out my blog post on 6 modern etiquette tips for your male to female transformation Mistake #3: Being sloppy with your grooming

Grooming can make or break your feminine image. In fact, studies show that grooming has more of an impact on your attractiveness than the physical features you were born with.

Are your grooming habits up to par? If this area needs work, be sure to see my article on 5 feminine grooming habits not to ignore. Mistake #4: Losing control

One of the most important qualities of a lady (and of any respectable human being) is self control – especially when you’re out in public.

In other words, no diva acts, angry outbursts, or public displays of drunkenness. It seems obvious, but if celebrity tabloids are any indication, it’s not. 64 Mistake #5: Poor posture or body language

Finally, don’t forget that your posture and body language communicate more about you than anything you say. Here are some major no-nos:

Slouching Biting your nails or playing with your hair Not making eye contact Crossing your arms

For an even more comprehensive list, review these 27 male to female body lan- guage mistakes to avoid. Do you aspire to be ladylike?

So what do you think of the term “ladylike,” anyway? Do you find it outdated and offensive towards women? Or a feminine quality worth aspiring to?

7 Tips for Feminizing Your BodyMovements

The way you move is a huge part of your feminine image.

But what if you feel you have all the grace of a truck driver?

The good news is that there are some simple techniques for feminizing your body movements.

In a previous article, I explained how to walk like a woman. Now let’s talk about how to make your gestures and deportment more graceful and feminine. Here are my top 7 tips for feminizing your body movements:

1. Slow down

It’s common to speed up your movements when you feel nervous or self-conscious. This can make you appear jerky and clumsy.

To look more poised, avoid rushed movements. Every move you make should be deliberate and precise. Take your time as you sit down, stand up, gesture, and reach for things. 65 2. Keep your knees together and your elbows in

I know you’ve probably been told this from Day 1, but it’s easy to let old habits slip in – especially if you spend most of your time in “guy mode.” That’s why you need to be conscious about keeping your knees together and your elbows in.

Why elbows in? Because it’s easy to be clumsy when your limbs are spread out all over the place. Keeping your elbows close to your body will instantly make your gestures more graceful.

3. Stretch out

It’s impossible to move gracefully if you have a tense and tight body. That’s one reason why dancers spend so much time stretching.

You too should make stretching part of your normal routine – particularly before you present yourself as a woman. Here’s a 10 minute full- body stretching routine you can try:

4. Don’t fidget

Fidgeting makes you look awkward and insecure, so avoid nervous movements like:

Twirling your hair Biting your nails Shaking your leg Tapping your fingers Compulsively checking your phone

Instead, practice the art of graceful stillness! You will look confident and in control of yourself.

5. Study graceful women

There’s a lot to be learned from studying poised, elegant women. Pay attention to the way they move and carry themselves in public. 66 See the video below for a fabulous example of the ever-graceful Marilyn Monroe. Notice how elegantly she sits and stands, how deliberate her gestures are, and how she never fails to keep her knees together.

6. Take dance classes

If you’re really serious about becoming a graceful, elegant woman, then I highly recommend taking dance classes. The grace and coordination you’ll learn through dancing will carry over into your day- to-day life.

Any type of dance class is helpful, be it belly dance, salsa, or ballet. If you’re shy about showing up for instruction en femme, take salsa classes in “male mode.” You’ll also get some awesome hip movement training!

7. Practice

Finally, remember that being graceful takes practice. I recommend practicing your move- ments and gestures in front of a mirror. Or, better yet, record a video of yourself so you can evaluate your movements objectively.

Here are some specific movements to practice:

Sitting down Standing up Gesturing as you speak Greeting other people with a hand shake or air kiss Table manners Getting into and out of a car

What do your movements say about you?

You might not be able to change your height or the overall shape of your body, but the good news is that you have control over your body movements.

Use these 7 tips to become a more graceful, elegant woman! 67 13 Ways to Save on Utilities How to save a fewdollars (or more) from your water heaterto yourWi-Fi

1. Seal your chimney flue. As much as 8 percent of your heating dollars could be escaping up the chimney. Seal it or install a chimneypillow, andsave $80 on a $1,000 heating bill. 2. Get a programmable thermostat. Lowering or raising your home’s temperature by7 to 10 degrees for eight hours as you sleep cansave $100 a year. Get a programmable thermostatso you don’t forget. 3. Ease your internet speed. Internet providers always push the newest, fastest options, but a basic service of 20 megabits per second (Mbps) is fine for the typical family to surf, email and stream videos. Optimum Online offers that speed at $29.99 a month. Save $120 every year. 4. Turn down your water heater. Most water heaters come from the factory set at 140 degrees – hot enough toscald. Turn it down to 120 degrees andsave about $60 per year. 5. Seal your home. Inspect for leaks at windows and doors with a lighted incense stick. Seal- ing them could cut a $1,000 heating and cooling bill by$200. Really! 6. Get a tankless water heater. These units produce hot water on demand. They’re up to 30 percent more efficient than tanks that waste energy keeping water hot all the time. The typical familyspends $500 a year heating water. Annual savings: $150. 7. Don’t drench your lawn. It needs just 1 inch of water per week, including rain. Sprinklers often deliver much more than that. Put a coffee mug under the sprinkler and stick in a ruler when you are done. If you collected 2 inches of water, you are spending about $158 amonth during the summer on wasted water. 8. Clean your trap. A dryer can lose 75 percent of its efficiency if lint clogs its trap. Clean it af- ter everyuse andsave $101 on the annual cost of operating a dryer. 9. Find free Wi-Fi. Going over your phone’s data limit can easilycost you $180 a year. Download Wi-Fi Finder, an app that locates nearbylocations where Wi-Fi is free. It works 68 worldwide. 10. Save on your bulbs. LED bulbs are no longerscarilyexpensive. Replace 40 incandescent bulbs with LEDs, and you could save $1,500 over their 10-year life span. 11. Get it fixed for free. At Repair Café events nationwide, volunteers help fixa varietyof household items that folks can’t fix themselves. Go to RepairCafe.org to find an event near you. You could save $100 by fixing that old lamp. 12. Stamp out stamps. Sign up to have all those bills paid byautomatic withdrawal. If you are still mailing off five bills a month, you can save $30 a year on stamps — and avoid the hassle of visiting the post office. 13. Scan for unused subscriptions: Truebill, which helps users find subscription services and determine how much they're paying for them each year, claims that the average user can save $100 or more a year canceling what theydon't need or renegotiating the bill. 69 From The Kitchen

California Cheeseburger Skillet Expert Tips Serve on a bed of lettuce and top with guacamole or your favorite burger toppings for the true California cheeseburger experience.

Slow Cooker Zucchini Casserole

California burger flavors in an easy skillet dish. By Betty Crocker Kitchens Ingredients

1 lb lean (at least 80%) ground beef This simple slow-cooker casserole is the perfect, no- 1 medium onion, chopped (1/2 cup) fuss way to use up your freshly picked zucchini. 2 cups milk By Cindy Rahe 1 cup hot water Ingredients 1 box Hamburger Helper™ cheeseburger macaroni SAVE $ 7 cups sliced zucchini (6 small to medium zucchini) 2 medium tomatoes, sliced SAVE $ 1/3 cup diced onion SAVE $ 1 cup seasoned croutons 2 tablespoons butter, melted 4 slices American cheese, cut in half diagonally 2 cups crushed Ritz™ crackers 1 cup shredded Cheddar cheese (4 oz) Steps 1 cup Progresso™ chicken broth (from 32-oz carton) ½ cup sour cream 1 In 10-inch skillet, cook beef and onion over medium ½ teaspoon kosher salt -high heat 5 to 7 minutes, stirring frequently, until beef is 1 tablespoon chopped fresh parsley, if desired thoroughly cooked; drain. Steps

2 Stir in milk, hot water, and uncooked pasta and 1 Grease inside of slow cooker with butter or cooking sauce mix (from Hamburger Helper box). Heat to boiling, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat; cover and simmer 10 spray. minutes, stirring occasionally. 2 Place zucchini and onion in microwavable dish; 3 Arrange tomato slices on top; sprinkle with crou- drizzle with 1 tablespoon of the melted butter. Cover with tons. Place 5 of the cheese halves around edge of skillet; plastic wrap; microwave on High 7 to 8 minutes or until the place remaining cheese halves in center. Cover and cook 2 zucchini is just tender and has released much of its liquid. minutes. Remove from heat; let stand covered 5 minutes Drain; place in slow cooker. (cheese will continue to melt and sauce will thicken as it stands). 3 Mix 1 cup ofthe crushed crackers with halfofthe 70 cheese, the chicken broth and sour cream. Mix in salt. Pour Expert Tips over zucchini; gently stir to coat. Cover; cook on High heat setting 2 hours. For 6 grams of fat and 260 calories per serving, use fat -free mayonnaise. 4 Toward end of cooking, toss remaining cracker Substitute 6 Hard-Cooked Eggs, chopped, for the crumbs with remaining melted butter. Toast cracker crumbs chicken. in skillet until just golden and crisp. Stir in remaining cheese and the parsley. At end of cook time, turn off slow cooker; Substitute 1 1/2 cups chopped fully cooked ham for the remove cover, and sprinkle toasted cracker crumb mixture chicken. Omit salt and pepper. Stir in 1 teaspoon yel- over top of casserole. Let stand 15 minutes before serving. low mustard. Substitute 2 cans (5 oz each) tuna in water, drained, for the chicken. Stir in 1 teaspoon lemon juice. Expert Tips You can mix the crumb topping ingredients together and add Garden Vegetable Spaghetti them at the beginning of cooking -- you will lose the crunchy texture but it will still be a nice, buttery topping for this dish.

If you don’t want to use Cheddar, Parmesan cheese is a lovely, nutty addition!

Try mixing some yellow summer squash with the zucchini for a colorful casserole.

Chicken Salad Sandwiches

A bounty from thegarden--peas, carrots, onion, garlic, zucchini, tomatoes and basil--makes a delicious pasta topping.

Ingredients

1 package (16 ounces)spaghetti 2 tablespoons olive or vegetable oil 2 medium carrots, sliced (1/4 cup) Cold rotisserie chicken makes a terrific chicken salad 1 medium onion, diced (1/2 cup) sandwich. Some people even makeit with their favorite 2 medium zucchini, cutinto1/2-inch slices (4 fast-food fried chicken and swear it's the best. cups) 2 garlic cloves, finely chopped 3 medium tomatoes, cut into 1-inch pieces Ingredients ½ cup frozen green peas, thawed 1 tablespoon choppedfresh basil leaves or 1 tea- 1 ½ cups chopped cooked chicken or turkey spoon dried basil leaves 1 medium stalk celery, chopped (1/2 cup) ½ teaspoon salt 1 small onion, finely chopped (1/3 cup) ¼ teaspoon pepper ½ cupmayonnaise or salad dressing 2/3 cup gratedParmesan cheese ¼ teaspoon salt ¼ teaspoon pepper Directions 8 slices bread 1 Cook and drain spaghetti as directed on package. Directions 2 Whilespaghetti is cooking, heat oil in 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat. Cook carrots, onion, zucchini 1 In medium bowl, mix all ingredients except bread. andgarlic in oil, stirring frequently, until vegetables are Spreadmixture on 4 bread slices. Top with remaining crisp-tender. bread. 3 Stir in remaining ingredients except cheese; cookun- 71 til hot. Servevegetablemixture over spaghetti. Sprinkle 1/2-inch fold; foldagain, allowing spacefor heat circu- with cheese. lation and expansion. Fold other sides to seal. Expert Tips 4 If baking, place packets on cookie sheet, and bake 25 to30minutes oruntil juice of chicken is clear when For 4 grams of fat and 360 calories per serving, omit center of thickest part is cut (at least 165°F). If grilling, the oil and spray a nonstick skillet with cooking spray. place packets on grill over medium heat. Cover grill; You can substitute one small eggplant (about 12 cook 18 to 20 minutes, rotating packets one-half turn ounces), diced to equal 3 1/2 cups, for the zucchini. after 10 minutes, until juice of chicken is clear when center of thickest part is cut (at least 165°F). Oven Foil Pack Honey Dijon Chicken and Sweet Potatoes 5 Place packets on plates. Cut largeX across top of each packet; carefully fold back foil. Top with green onions.

SLOW-COOKER SODA HAM

Whetheryou grill or bake, you’ll be gladyou decided to make these easy, tasty all-in-one foil packs!

Ingredients

4 tablespoons butter, melted 1 boneless smoked ham (about 8 pounds) 2 tablespoons honey 2 tablespoons whole cloves 2 tablespoons Dijon mustard 1 tablespoon Montreal chicken seasoning 1 cup brown sugar 4 boneless skinless chicken breasts (about 1 1/4 2 cups root beer lb) 2 large sweet potatoes (about1 3/4lb), peeled 3 tablespoons ginger, chopped and cutinto3/4-inch pieces (4cups) 2 tablespoons grainy mustard ½ largered bell pepper, cutinto1-inch pieces 2 green onions, thinly sliced Score diamond pattern into the ham and press cloves into the surface. Directions Place in slow cooker and top with remaining 1 Heat oven to 400°F or heat gas or charcoal grill for ingredients. directgrilling. Cut 4 (18x12-inch)sheets offoil. In me- dium bowl,mix melted butter,honey,mustardandsea- Cook on low 3 to 4 hours until temperature soning.Add chicken,and turn tocoat;setaside. inside registers 140˚F.

2 In largemicrowavable bowl, microwave sweet pota- Transfer liquid in slow cooker to a pot and toesuncovered on High 5 to7minutes oruntil fork ten- bring to a boil. Reduce the heat to medium der. Carefully divide potatoes among the 4 pieces of foil. Top with bell pepper chunks. Top each with low and simmer until liquid thickens into a chicken breast and sauce. glaze, about 15 minutes.

3 For each packet, bring up 2 sides of foil over chicken Brush glaze onto ham. andvegetables so edges meet. Seal edges, making tight 72 Southwest Deviled Eggs 1 tablespoon butter 1 tablespoon chopped onion 3/4 cup shredded Cheddar cheese

Directions 1. Place bacon in a large, deep skillet. Cookover me- dium high heat until evenly brown. Drain, dice and set aside. 2. Preheat oven to 400 degreesF (200 degreesC). 3. Remove mushroom stems. Set aside caps. Chop the stems. 4. In a large saucepan over medium heat, melt the Ingredients butter. Slowly cook and stir the chopped stems and onion until the onion is soft. Remove from heat. 5. In a medium bowl, stir together the mushroom stem Serves: 6 mixture, bacon and 1/2 cup Cheddar. Mix well and Serving Size: 2 halves scoop the mixture into the mushroom caps. 6 hard-cooked eggs, peeled 1/4 cup mayonnaise 6. Bake in the preheated oven 15 minutes, or until the 3/4 teaspoon McCormick® Mustard, Ground cheese has melted. 1/4 teaspoon Lawry's® Seasoned Salt Remove the mushrooms from the oven, and sprinkle 1/4 teaspoon McCormick® Chili Powder with the remaining cheese. 1/4 teaspoon McCormick® Cumin, Ground 1/8 teaspoon McCormick® Red Pepper, Ground Boozy Irish Whiskey Cakes 2 tablespoons thinly sliced green onions

Directions

10 minsPrep time Slice eggs in half lengthwise. Remove yolks; place in small bowl. Mash yolks with fork or potato masher. Stirin mayonnaise, mustard, seasoned salt, chili pow- der, cumin and ground red pepper until smooth and creamy. Spoon orpipe yolkmixture into egg white halves. Sprinkle with green onions. Our boozy Irish Whisky cake gets a little help from Betty Refrigerate 1 hour or until ready to serve. Crocker SuperMoist yellow cake mix and a lot of lovin' from some strong Irish whiskey for a cake that is downright intoxicating. Bacon and Cheddar Ingredients Stuffed Mushrooms Cakes "Crimini mushrooms (also 2 tablespoons instant espresso coffee powder or known as portabellini mush- rooms) are stuffed with granules 2 tablespoons Irish whiskey Cheddar cheese and bacon. This appetizer is an impres- 1 box Betty Crocker™ SuperMoist™ butter recipe yellow cake mix sive and irresistible accom- paniment to any meal." ½ cup unsalted butter, softened 3 eggs SAVE $ Ingredients 2/3 cup water ¼ cup Irish whiskey 3 slices bacon 8 crimini mushrooms 73 Irish Whiskey Butter Sauce Southern Apple Crumble

¼ cup Irish whiskey ¾ cup sugar ¼ cup water ¼ cup unsalted butter, cut into pieces Steps

1 Heat oven to 350°F. Spray 12 mini fluted tube cake pans with cooking spray.

2 In small microwavable bowl, stir coffee powder and 2 tablespoons whiskey with whisk until combined. Micro- wave on High about 10 seconds or just until warm; set aside. Prize-Winning Recipe 2008! Meet the easy cookie-mix cousin to warm and spicy apple crisp. 3 In large bowl, beat cake mix, 1/2 cup butter, the By Betty Crocker Kitchens eggs, 2/3 cup water and 1/4 cup whiskey with electric mixer Ingredients on low speed 30 seconds. Add coffee mixture. Beat on me- dium speed 2 minutes. Divide batter evenly among cake Filling pans.

4 Bake about 20 minutes or until toothpick inserted in 3 large apples, peeled, coarsely chopped (about 3 center comes out clean. Cool 10 minutes; remove cakes from cups) pans to cooling racks. Cool completely, about 1 hour. ½ cup granulated sugar ¼ cup packed brown sugar 5 In small heavy saucepan, mix sauce ingredients. 1 to 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon Cook over low heat, stirring constantly, until sugar is dis- ¼ cup cold butter or margarine, cut into small pieces solved and butter is melted. Topping

6 To serve, place cakes on dessert plates; drizzle with 1 pouch (1 lb 1.5 oz) Betty Crocker™ oatmeal cookie sauce. mix ½ cup butter or margarine, melted Expert Tips ½ cup chopped pecans SAVE $ Steps If you don’t have mini fluted tube cake pans, you can make one large cake. Use a 12-cup fluted tube cake pan and in- crease the baking time by about 30 minutes, but still use a 1 Heat oven to 300°F. Spray bottom and sides of 8- toothpick to check when it’s done. inch square (2-quart) glass baking dish with cooking spray. In large bowl, toss filling ingredients. Spread mixture in bak- Garnish the cakes with chopped nuts to add extra flavor and ing dish. texture. 2 In same large bowl, stir cookie mix and melted but- The sauce can be made ahead of time and then simply reheat ter until crumbly. Sprinkle over filling. it prior to serving. 3 Bake 40 minutes. Remove from oven; sprinkle with pecans. Bake 15 to 20 minutes longer or until topping is golden brown. Serve warm or at room temperature.

Expert Tips Serve with a scoop of ice cream or a dollop of whipped cream.

Use fresh peaches for the apples for a juicy peach crumble. 74 How to Cook a Perfect Ham By Carl Hanson From All Recipes.com

What Kind of Ham to Buy Ham is a cut of meat taken from the back legs or sometimes theshoulders of a pig. It can be wet-cured, dry-cured, smoked, aged, or raw. The best cooking technique will depend on which type of ham you buy.

City Ham Most store-bought hams are city hams. They've been soaked in brine (wet-cured) and then either smoked or boiled before being sold fully cooked. Spiral-sliced hams are fully cooked city hams and can be served cold out of the package, but most people prefer to glaze and heat before they eat. Fully cooked hams can be heated to to an internal temperature of 140 degrees F.

Country Ham Country-cured hams are dry-cured by packing them in salt, and are often smoked over fragrant hardwoods and aged. They're made from pigs that have been fed fruits and nuts to produce more flavorful meat. Some are aged seven years. Country-cured hams have a more intense flavor, but they're drier than wet-cured, brined hams. -

Fresh or Raw Ham Fresh hams are sold uncured and uncooked, and must be fully cooked before eating.

Canned Ham Canned ham can be a whole piece of ham, but is often several pieces of ham pressed together to make a ham "loaf." It's fully cooked and sold in a sealed can. Follow package directions to glaze and heat, or trythis simple recipe for Sweet Ham glazed with orange juice, brown sugar, and pineapple.

Boneless or Bone-In Ham? Hams with the bone left in tend to be more flavorful than boneless hams. Bone-in hams are also more decorative, and make for a more ceremonious presentation on special occasions. Also, you get the ham hock forsoups andstews!

Many bone-in hams are spiral-cut, which means they've been sliced in a continuous spiral all the wayaround the bone, producing thinslices that easilypull away. . 75

How Much Ham Should I Buy? Estimate about 3/4 pound of bone-in ham per person and 1/4 pound of boneless ham per per- son. (Abone-in ham will have less meat per pound than a boneless one.)

Amaze with the Glaze A baked ham is perfectly delicious all by itself, but you can make it extra-special by adding a glaze. The most popular glaze recipes often combine fruit juice, wine or whiskey, honey, mustard, brown sugar, fruit preserves, and spices. Before baking, brushsome of the glaze over the surface of the ham.

How to Bake a Ham These easytips will help you bake your best ham. • If you're starting with a fullycooked cityham,bake itin a 350 degree F oven for about10 minutes per pound. If your ham is onlypartiallycooked, bake it for 20 minutes per pound. • To help keep your ham moist and juicy, place the ham cut-side down in a baking pan and tent it with foil. • Every20 minutes orso, brush the ham with glaze and baste it with the pan juices. • To finish, remove the foil tent, brush the ham with glaze and pan juices one more time, and turn the oven to broil. Broil for about about 3-to-5 minutes until the outside glaze is deliciously caramelized -- but watch it closely so it doesn't get too dark.

Before carving your baked ham, let it rest 15 minutes to redistribute juices and firm up the meat.

"A great holidayham glaze needs to have three things," says Chef John: "Wonderful flavor, gorgeous, shiny appearance, and a crispy, crackling crust you can hear across the room. I'm happy to report this easy-to-make glaze has all those things in abundance." See how to bake a honey-glazed ham:

How to Cook Your Ham in a Slow Cooker Slow cooking a whole ham creates a super-moist, wonderfully tender ham. It's also a great method when you're feeding a huge holidaycrowd: pop a turkeyin the oven and a ham in the slow cooker, and you're set. This 5-star recipe for Slow Cooker Ham calls for a respectable 8- pound bone-in picnic ham. Other cooks have had success with a 9-pound spiral cut honey- cured ham. 76

How to Cure Your Own Ham Here's one for the DIY'ers in the crowd. There are many reasons to cure your own holiday ham. But as Chef John explains, beyond bragging rights, "you can flavor your ham anyway you want and you can control the salt content." Check out the recipe for Home-Cured Holiday Ham, and follow along with the video.

Leftover Ham: Second Time's a Charm Baked ham is the holidaymain dish that keeps on giving. In the days that follow, your leftover ham will perform heroically in so many additional recipes. Ham sandwiches, soups, casseroles, hash, omelets, scram- bles, salads, pizza, and pastas are just some of the top contenders for leftover ham.

Try your leftover ham in these diverse dishes, too: Ham and Shrimp Gravy Ham Cake-ettes Ham and Cheese Breakfast Tortillas Ham with Red Eye Gravy

Alisha's Scalloped Potatoes and Ham

Pork Fried Quinoa

More Recipe Ideas for Leftover Ham

Keep leftover ham in the refrigerator, tightly wrapped, for up to a week. And don'tforgetthe ham bone!Hold on to thatham hock,and use itto addmad flavor to soups, stews, and greens. 77

Cooking Healthy On a Budget

It’s not true that eating healthyfoods will cost more; cooking at home will save you dollars from the start. Plus, you’re in control of the portion sizes.

It’s much better to eat less of more nutritious foods, which may cost a little more, than to eat a lot of cheap, processed food that costs the same amount.

Here are a fewsuggestions to save you moneyand improve your health, too!

Shop smart. Plan your meals for the week before you go shopping, but be prepared to be flexible—you might encounter an unexpected sale item. Buymore fruits and vegetables, and less meat. Instead of meat, use beans in some recipes, like burritos, tacos, soups and pasta dishes. Compare labels to pick the healthiest options when you shop.

Fresh and fruits and vegetables are cheapest when they’re in season.

Frozen fruits and vegetables without addedsauces are affordable and great to have on hand when you’re low on funds or don’t feel like heading to the store.

Go whole. Even if that loaf of whole-grain bread costs more than that log of spongywhite stuff, 78

you’re getting more nutritional bang for your buck. The whole-grain bread has more vitamins and more fiber, which satisfies your hunger longer. The same is true of whole-grain pastas and crackers, and brown rice instead of white. Do make your own rice, because it’s usually healthier than the mixes.

Serve and store. After everyone has taken their desired portion of the great dinner you made, immediately put the leftovers in containers and store them in the fridge or freezer. They could add up to another dinner. That leftover chili would taste great tomorrow over baked pota- toes, for example. Leftovers also equal instant lunches.

11 Simple Cooking Tips You Need to Memorize

Rebecca Firkser,Extra Crispy

They’ll change your life.

From learning to not rinse your pasta after draining, to using a garbage bowl, you could start a spreadsheet of cooking tips and never run out of ideas. Some cooking tips are so simple that once you learn one you can’timagine how you used to get through a recipe. That’s why I made this list. Memorize these tips and I guarantee your next meal will be a smashing success.

1. Read the whole recipe first I’ll say this until the cows come home. If you’re cooking from a recipe, the best tip I can give you is to read through the whole thing all the way through before you start to cook. Not only will this help you gain a better understanding ofwhat the final dish should look and taste like, you’ll also be able to ascertain which pots,pans,and tools you need,as well as catch important instructions like “marinate overnight.” 2. Set up mise en place Mise en place is a French term that literally means “put in place.” It also refers to a way cooks in professional kitchens and restaurants set up their work stations—first bygathering 79 all ingredients for a recipes, partially preparing them (like measuring out and chopping), and setting them all near each other. Setting up mise en place before cooking is another top tip for home cooks, as it seriously helps with organization. It’ll pretty much guarantee you never forget to add an ingredient and save you time from running back and forth from the pantry ten times. 3. Always sharpen knives Don’t fear sharp knives. Can they give you a nasty cut? Absolutely. But dull knives are constantly proven to be more dangerous. They’re more prone to slip when cutting, which makes the chance of cutting yourself higher. If you commit to keeping knives sharp, you should also learn how to properly hold a chef’s knife,as well as how to hold the food you’re cutting. 4. Seasoning well and often Major tip: season!your! food!Saltis the key to making food’s flavor jump around on your tongue. Most recipes will mention when you should add salt (and probably pepper as well), butit’s a good rule of thumb to add atleasta pinch or two when you start cooking and again atthe very end. Your palate will be the ultimate guide here,so taste often. 5. Get a salad spinner Some people say a salad spinner is superfluous.Iam not one of those people.OK, they’re bulkyand sortof annoying to clean, butif you have room for a pot you have room for a saladspinner. Not onlydoes a salad spinner make washing lettuces, herbs, and greens a snap, it dries them so much so more efficiently than towels ever could. 6. Roll citrus to get more juice out Sometimes all a dish needs is a squeeze of lemon or lime to take it to the next level. To get the most juice out of your citrus, roll it on a cutting board before slicing in. 7. Use the right pans When a recipe says to use a certain type ofpan, use that pan. If you only own one nonstick pan,the besttip I can give you is to wait fora good sale at a kitchen store, then buy yourself a stainless steel pan and a cast iron skillet. It’s also smart to replace cheap nonstick pans every few years, as the coating can wear down. 8. Dry meats, legumes, and vegetables before cooking them Hottip:water and heat make steam,so when you try to cook something that’s still wet, it won’t bown properly. Meat should be patted with paper towels before you toss it into the pan, chickpeas can be drained in a colander and then dried on a towel before they go onto a sheet pan (this goes for vegetables too, minus the colander part). 80 9. Don’t crowd the pan Whether you’re baking or pan frying, it’s important to avoid crowding the pan. Similarly to when vegetables or proteins are cooked while moist, when they’re crammed into a pan they’ll steam instead of brown, which is never good. 10. Clean as you go Instead ofpiling every single dish and tool you used to make a meal into the sink to wash when you finish eating (and don’t forget to wipe down the counters and the stove), embrace the clean-as-you-go method. Instead of leaving vegetable trimmings and peels on the counter, toss them in one big garbage bowl for one easydump and less mess.Have ten minutes to spare while the vegetables roast? Do ten minutes of washing and wiping. 11. Use the freezer for more than leftovers You already know that you can stash leftovers in the freezer basically forever. But if you make room in your freezer,itcan also house a number ofitems thatwill make your life easier.Frozen ginger will stay fresh for longer,as well as be easier to grate on a microplane. Tomato paste, stock, and sauces can be frozen into ice cubes and easily defrosted for recipes. You can also freeze cookie and pie dough, egg whites and yolks, and vegetable trimmings (for stock) and use them whenever you need. The freezer is also a prime spotto store a bag ofitems you intend to compost,as the cold kills the smell and decay. 81 The Gossip Fence Transgender In The News

The Missouri Supreme Court extended legal protections Tuesday to LGBTQ people in two separate rul- ings.

The Missouri Supreme Court extended legal protections Tuesday to LGBTQ people in two separate rulings. One of the cases dealt with employment rights and the other with transgender students’ access to public facilities.

In one case, Lampley v. Missouri Commission on Human Rights, the court affirmed that Missouri lawprohibits employment discrimination on the basis of a worker’s failure to conform to sex-based stereotypes. An employee who isdiscriminated against because of howtheyare expected to act hasa legal basisto file a legal action, the court ruled.

“Sexual orientation is incidental and irrelevant to sex stereotyping,” the court wrote. “An employee may demonstrate this discrimination through evidence of sexual stereotyping.”

The state Supreme Court also ruled in favor of a transgender student who sued his Missouri school district in October 2015 after he was not permitted to use the boys’ restrooms and locker rooms. The student, referred to only asR.M.A. in court documents, said he has identified as a male since fourth grade.Though the district updated his school records to reflect his name change and allowed him to play sports and take physical education classes with male students, it did not allow R.M.A. access to male facilities.

The case, R.M.A. v. Blue Springs R-IV School District, was originally dismissed by a circuit court, but R.M.A. appealed. It was taken to the state’s high court in April, which ruled that because R.M.A. argued discrimination on the basis of sex, the case should move forward in the lower court.

“By recognizing that Missouri's prohibition on sex discrimination applies to all Missourians, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation, this ruling reaffirms what our legislature declared in the Missouri Human Rights Act,” Alexander Edelman, R.M.A.’s attorney, said in a statement to NBC News.

The Missouri Human Rights Act prohibits discrimination based on race, color, religion, national origin, ancestry, sex, disability, age and familial status, but it does not explicitly include sexual orientation and gender identity. The ACLU of Missouri, which filed a friend-of-the-court in both cases, said the decisions are a step toward improving the clarity of the state’s anti-discrimination stance.

“Members of the LGBTQ community should enjoy the same protections against sex-based discrimination as everyone else,” Tony Rothert, legal director for the ACLU of Missouri, said. “Excluding LGBTQ individuals from legal protections was justified by outdated, destructive stereotypes and ignored the lived reality of thousands of people in our state.”

New Pentagon transgender rule sets limits for troops

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Defense Department has approved a new policy that will largely bar transgender troops and military recruits from transitioning to another sex, and require most individuals to serve in their birth gender.

The order says the military services must implement the new policy in 30 days, giving some individuals a short window of time to qualify for gender transition if needed. And it allows service secretaries to waive the policy on a case-by-case basis. Under the new rules, currently serving transgender troops and anyone who has signed an enlistment contract by April 12 may continue with plans for hormone treatments and gender transition if they have been diagnosed with 82 genderdysphoria. But after April 12, no one with gender dysphoria who is taking hormones or has transitioned to another gender will be allowed to enlist. And any currently serving troops diagnosed with gender dysphoria after April 12 will have to serve in their birth gender and will be barred from taking hormones or getting transition surgery.

The memo lays out guidelines for discharging service members based on the new policy. It says a service mem- ber can be discharged based on a diagnosis of gender dysphoria if he or she is “unable or unwilling to adhere to all applicable standards, including the standards associated with his or her biological sex, or seeks transition to another gender.”

In a statement Tuesday night, House Speaker Nancy Pelosi called the ban “cowardly.”

“The President’s revival of his bigoted, disgusting ban on transgender servicemembers is a stunning attack on the patriots who keep us safe and on the most fundamental ideals of ournation,” the California Democrat said. “The President’s years-long insistence on his cowardly ban makes clear that prejudice, not patriotism, guides his deci- sions.”

The final legal injunction blocking the new policy was lifted last week, allowing the Pentagon to move forward. But restrictions on transgender troops are likely to face ongoing legal challenges and have been slammed by mem- bers of Congress as discriminatory and self-defeating.

Rep. Jackie Speier, D-Calif., said in February that barring service by transgender individuals “would cost us re- cruits at a time when so few Americans are willing to serve.” She spoke at a hearing in which transgender troops testified that transitioning to another sex made them strongerand more effective members of the military.

An estimated 14,700 troops on active duty and in the Reserves identify as transgender, but not all seek treatment. Since July 2016, more than 1,500 service members were diagnosed with gender dysphoria; as of Feb. 1, there were 1,071 currently serving. According to the Pentagon, the department has spent about $8 million on transgender care since 2016. The military’s annual health care budget tops $50 billion.

Illinois lawmaker introduces bill to punish doctors for providing health care to trans people

An new bill in Illinois bill would punish doctors for providing transgender youth with any transition-related health care. Rep. Tom Morrison’s (R) bill, the Youth Health Prevention Act, would prevent doctors from giving hormone pre- scriptions, providing transition-related surgeries, or even referring trans youth to another doctor for transition- related health care. If a doctor does, it’ll be considered “unprofessional conduct” subject to discipline, and they could have their license suspended or revoked

Myles Brady Davis, communications manager and press secretary for Equality Illinois, said, “It’s trying to get in between a medical professional, parents, and their children. They’re basically trying to do that because of some- body’s identity. We’re going down a slippery slope if we’re going to allow a lawmaker to discriminate against somebody because of their identity. What if somebody decided he just doesn’t like people with cancer? Are we going to stand in between them and accessing care? It just blows my mind that a bill like that was even intro- duced.”

Joshua Safer, executive director for the Center for Transgender Medicine and Surgery at Mount Sinai, told Think Progress that it would be a breach of medical ethics to fail to provide health care according to standard guidelines. Safer said it seems “problematic” for a state to make a lawobligating physicians to break theiroaths.

Transgender people and experts on transition-related care say this health care is often a matter of life and death. Trans people sometimes seek care through unofficial channels without proper supervision, which puts their lives in danger. Trans people have died through illegal silicone injections, for example. When trans people can’t access necessary health care, their mental health is also put in danger.

Safer said that research shows a high percentage of transgender people have attempted suicide. A 83 2018 study showed 51 percent of trans male adolescents and 30 percent of trans female adolescents reported having attempted suicide. Forty-two percent of nonbinary youth reported the same.

“By contrast, transgender individuals who have treatment provided as needed have mental health concerns closer to what we see in the general population,” he said. “It appears that transgender individuals who seek medical in- tervention have fewer mental health concerns when that treatment can be provided earlier. That includes patients doing better when they’re able to be treated at younger ages.”

Davis of Equality Illinois said he doesn’t expect the bill to pass. But the introduction of these kinds of bills in state legislatures sends a worrisome signal.

“Transgender youth face stigma and ignorance throughout their lives, and are often forced to forego medically- necessary care for fear of how their parents, their school, or their peers might react,” Branstetter said. “This bill does nothing but add to that pain by rejecting the overwhelming consensus of the medical and childcare commu- nity that transgender youth should be validated, believed, and loved.”

Iowa Supreme Court Rules that Medicaid Can Cover Sex Reassignment Surgery

The Iowa Supreme Court unanimously ruled on Friday in favor of two transgender women, effectively striking down the state’s ban on Medicaid coverage for sex reassignment surgery.

The case involved EerieAnna Good and Carol Anne Beal, two women whose medical providers determined that sex reassignment surgery was necessary to treat their genderdysphoria. Yet when Good and Beal — who have iden- tified as female since childhood — sought to have surgery under the state’s Medicaid program, they were denied. They appealed to the state agency, which oversees the program, but were rejected again.

“So many people still don’t understand that this is not something we need for trivial or cosmetic reasons,” Good said. “It’s medical care a doctor is recommending for someone who has a medical need for it."

Good and Beal sued the agency in 2017. In June, Judge Arthur Gamble of the Judicial District 5 Court ruled that a 1995 Iowa Department of Human Services policy denying Medicaid coverage for sex reassignment surgery vio- lates the state’s 2007 Civil Rights Act, which added genderidentity to the state’s list of protected classes.

In its appeal, the agency argued that its policy wasn’t discriminatory because neither transgender nor non- transgender individuals were able to use Medicaid benefits for gender-reassignment surgery, which it said is per- formed “primarily for psychological purposes.” It also argued that the policy’s explicit exclusion of gender- reassignment surgeries was an example of “cosmetic, reconstructive, and plastic surgeries” that are excluded from coverage.

Yet the Iowa Supreme Court upheld the lower court’s decision on Friday, arguing that Good and Beal were denied sex reassignment surgery because they were “related to gender identity disorders.” It also asserted that Medicaid does authorize payment for some cosmetic surgeries that serve psychological purposes, such as to help disfigur- ing scarring and congenital anomalies.

Medical experts from the American Medical Association agree that gender dysphoria, which occurs when a per- son’s assigned sex and genderat birth do not match theirgenderidentity, is a serious medical condition that can be life-threatening if left untreated.

After today’s decision, 11 states and the District of Columbia currently cover transition-related surgical care through their public health insurance programs, according to the ACLU. 84 Transgender Plaintiffs Sue Alabama Over State ID Laws

When Darcy Corbitt went to the Lee County Driver's License Office in eastern Alabama last summer, she said thingsstarted out on a very cordial note.

“When I arrived in the office, I was treated with the utmost respect and courtesy,” Corbitt recalled. The clerk was "so friendly" that Corbitt told her about her recent decision to move back to Alabama from North Dakota to com- plete her doctoral degree at Auburn University.

The clerk's tone changed, however, when she searched Corbitt's previous driver's license record, which listed her genderas male.

“In a period of half an hour, I wassubjected to the most blatant crueltyanother human being had everinflicted upon me,” Corbitt said in a phone call with reporters.

The clerk "loudly" discussed Corbitt's gender identity "in a room full of strangers," calling her "he" and "him," Cor- bitt said. "She dehumanized me when she started calling me ‘it.'"

Because Corbitt could not prove to the clerk that she had undergone sex reassignment surgery, Corbitt left the office without a new license, despite having already changed her gender marker on her passport, social security card and North Dakota driver’s license.

The ACLU isnow suing Alabama on behalf of Corbitt and two other transgender individuals, claiming the state's driver's license policy "violates the privacy, due process, free speech, and equal protection rights" of the plaintiffs and other transgender people in Alabama.

The lawsuit, filed Tuesday, states "many transgender Alabamians cannot obtain a license that they can use with- out disclosing highly sensitive information, risking discrimination and attack, compromising their own health and wellbeing, and endorsing a message about their gender with which they strongly disagree."

The lawsuit specifically mentions Alabama Policy Order63, which permits changing the gender on one's driver's license only "due to gender reassignment surgery” and requires applicants to submit an "amended state certified birth certificate and/or a letter from the physician that performed the reassignment procedure.”

A spokeswoman for the Alabama LawEnforcement Agency, which oversees the state's driver's license division, said the agency could not comment on the pending litigation.R ended According to the ACLU, Georgia, Iowa, Louisiana, North Carolina, Oklahoma, South Carolina,Texas and Wyo- ming have state I.D. policies that are similarly as discriminatory to Alabama's.

In its "Resource Guide on Gender Designation on Driver's Licenses and Identification Cards," the American Asso- ciation of Motor Vehicle Administrators discourages states from requiring proof of "surgery or other specified treat- ment" in order to change one's gender designation on a government-issued driver's license.

While sex reassignment surgery is considered medically necessary for some transgender people, this is not the case for everyone, Arkles explained on a conference call with reporters. Some may not want or need to undergo surgery or may not be able to afford the type of medical treatment they require. Further, not all transgender people want or need the same types of medical treatment.

“Driver’s licenses matter for transgender people’s safety and ability to participate in public life,” Arkles added. “Things that many people take forgranted like applying forjobs, traveling, making purchases … can become quite frightening and sometimes inaccessible.”

The inability to access a driver’s license may also make voting impossible in the state of Alabama. Julie Ebenstein, a senior staff attorney with the ACLU's Voting Rights Project, said Alabama Policy Order63 “disenfranchises trans voters.” The state, Ebenstein explained, has strict voter I.D. laws that require one of seven forms of acceptable identification at the polls. A driver’s license in the most common form of identification used, 85 she said.

“This refusal of Alabama to issue appropriate identification creates a dangerous and unnecessary barrier to our clients living fully as citizens of Alabama both in everyday life and in exercising their fundamental right to vote," Ebenstein said in a phone call with reporters.

The ACLU's lawsuit cites data from the 2015 U.S. Transgender Survey, which found 80 percent of transgender respondents in Alabama have no accurate form of identification.

“The state of Alabama does not have the right to define ouridentities or our worth," Corbitt said.

Brazil’s Anti-LGBT President Stands With Trump in Fight for ‘Traditional Family Lifestyles’ and Against Trans People

President Donald Trump is hosting Brazil's far right wing extremist President Jair Bolsonaro. In a joint press event aired live from the Rose Garden in the White House Bolsonaro announced he supports the American President's fight against same-sex marriage, transgender people, and fake news.

"May I say that Brazil and the United Statesstand side by side in theireffortsto ensure liberties, and respect to traditional family lifestyles, respect to God our creator, against the gender ideology or politically correct attitudes, and against fake news," President Bolsonaro told reporters. He clearly appeared to be referring to same-sex marriage and the President's recently-enacted ban on transgender troops in the U.S. Armed Forces.

Minutes earlier PresidentTrump had enthusiastically welcomed the Brazilian leader, saying he was "very thrilled" to welcome Bolsonaro.

"We have many views that are similar," Trump added.

At the end of the pressevent President Trump walked over to President Bolsonaro and shookhishand. Not once did he challenge the claim that they are both fighting against basic civil rights for LGBT people.

Earliertoday GLAAD noted that "Jair Bolsonaro has a long record of condoning violence against LGBTQ people, and even said thathe would rather have a son who isdead than a son who isgay."

"He removed LGBTQ rights from human rights ministry considerations just HOURS after his inauguration," GLAAD added.

Titans Casts Deaf, Transgender Actor as Jericho

Following the announcement of casting actor Esai Morales as Deathstroke, DC Universe's live-action Titans has cast Chella Man as Jericho, a hero in his own right and the son of DC's famed mercenary.

Though he's not a big name in Hollywood, Man, who self-identifies as deaf, genderqueer and a queer artist, has seen his profile grow both as a deaf activist and as a model. In 2017, the Jewish/Chinese-American actorbegan to transition from female to male and has quickly become a noted figure in LGBTQ+ circles, documenting his transition on Instagram, YouTube and a series of columns for them.

Jericho made his DC Comics debut in 1984's Tales of the Teen Titans #43 (after making a cameo appearance in Issue #42), byMarv Wolfman and George Pérez, and hasthe power to possessanyone upon making eye contact with them.The characterhas always used sign language to communicate with his teammates, as he was rendered mute early in his life by kidnappers who were attempting to blackmail his father. Though he's played the villain from time to time over the years, Jericho has generally been one of the more pure-hearted members of the team of young heroes. While the original version of the hero's sexuality was never really explored, Jericho's modern comics incarnation is bisexual, and his personality has more edge to it than the original. 86 The show's official character description is as follows:

Son of the infamous DC villain Deathstroke (played by Esai Morales), Joseph Wilson is the Titan known as Jericho. Mute after his father failed to rescue him from having his vocal cords severed by assassins, Jericho has the unique ability to possess anyone just by making eye contact. This gentle natured yet proud hero has proven himself a formidable Titan.

2020 Presidential Candidates Will Debate LGBTQ Issues at Forum

Democratic candidates for president will participate in a forum focused specifically on the lives and rights of LGBTQ people this fall. Showing the growing political influence of LGBTQ advocates and voters, the event provides a chance to educate the potential next president of the United States on the issues and challenges still facing queer Americans.

It will be hosted by the Human Rights Campaign Foundation and by the UCLA Luskin School of Public Affairs.

The forum is scheduled on October 10th, which is the evening of National Coming Out Day. Organizers plan to discuss “conversion therapy” restrictions, hate crime threats and transgender rights.

HRC leaders note conversion therapy remains legal to perform on minors in 35 states and LGBTQ people can still be fired, evicted or denied service in 30 states. At least 100 transgender people have been murdered in the U.S. since the start of 2015, and hate crimes against marginalized minority groups remain on the rise.

“If any LGBTQ person were to take a cross-country drive from HRC headquarters in Washington, D.C., to UCLA’s campus, their rights and protections under the law would change dozens of times at every city line and state border,” Griffin notes.

Organizers will invite candidates using the same parameters as Democratic National Committee sanctioned de- bates. That meansparticipantsneed to poll at 1 percent or greaterin at least three national polls, or they need to receive 65,000 donations from different people in 20 states.

UCLA leaders say they relish the chance to host a major forum in cooperation with HRC and to elevate this set of topics.

A Judge Has Ruled That Trump’s Transgender Military Ban Can’t Take Effect Yet After All

The Trump administration was wrong to claim last week it could begin to implement a ban on transgender troops, Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly said in a decision issued Tuesday that rebuked officials for insisting a court order blocking the ban since 2017 had been lifted.

“Defendants were incorrect in claiming that there was no longer an impediment,” says Kollar-Kotelly’s notice in US District Court in Washington, DC. “Defendants remain bound by this Court’s preliminary injunction to maintain the status quo.”

The decision makes clear the Pentagon may not yet implement a ban on transgender troops, despite several claimsby the Justice Department last weekthat it wasfree of anyblockade on enacting newpolicy to block transgender recruits from the armed forces.

The administration released a memo last weeksaying that it planned to enact the ban next month after the Justice Department said in a court filing “there is no longerany impediment” that stopped them from doing so.

“We are grateful for the district court’s clarity in stating, unequivocally, that the injunction against the transgender military ban remains in place,” Jennifer Levi, an attorney for GLBTQ Legal Advocates & Defenders, a group representing the challengers, told BuzzFeed News on Tuesday.

Levi and other lawyers challenging the ban had argued Trump officials were running roughshod over courts when 87 they issued the ban last week. “Plaintiffs will continue to challenge the government’s efforts to reinstate an unfair and discriminatory policy against transgender people,” Levi added. “And, for now, the military cannot take any adverse action against transgender troops or recruits who meet all current standards of service.”

Still, it wasn’t immediately clear if Kollar-Kotelly’s decision would change a timeline to implement the ban, which the Pentagon said will take effect on April 12, due to pending action from an appeals court. The underlying legal situation is complicated. The case is one of four in which judges issued nationwide injunctions that blocked the policy from being implemented. Courts had lifted three of the injunctions while all of the legal challenges continue — though the statusof thisfourth injunction in the DC court wasdisputed.

The Justice Department argued that when the DC Court of Appeals vacated the injunction in January, it ceased to exist and the Pentagon was free to instate a ban. LGBT advocacy lawyers countered that the appellate court still hadn’t issued a mandate to lift the injunction, because a series of procedural steps had to first be undertaken while the plaintiffs decide to request a rehearing.

The plaintiffs in the DC court have until March 29 to request a rehearing before the full bench of judges at the DC Circuit Court of Appeals. Doing so could extend the timeline for the injunction to remain in place.

Teacher who ‘bullied’ transgender student to lose his job

A school teacher in West Virginia who allegedly followed a transgender student into a bathroom and harassed him will lose hisjob at the end of thisschool year.

The school’s board of education unanimously voted not to renew Lee Livengood’s probationary contract at Liberty High School, according to the San Francisco Chronicle.

Assistant principal Lee Livengood was suspended from the school late last yearafter he followed transgender student Michael Critchfield into a bathroom.

He allegedly approached Critchfield, who was using a stall in the boys’ toilet, and asked him why he was using men’sfacilities. He then told Critchfield to use the urinal to prove that he wasa boy.

When Critchfield tried to leave the bathroom, Livengood reportedly blocked the exit and asked what would happen if anotherboythought he wastrying to checkhim out in the bathroom. When he finallyallowed Critchfield to leave, Livengood said: “I’m not going to lie. You freak me out.”

After the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) complained to the Harris County School Board in December, Livingood was suspended. However, he returned to work earlier this year after sending Critchfield a lukewarm apology which said: “I am deeply sorry for raising my voice while in the bathroom on 11/27/18. I promise it won’t happen again.”

The ACLU said earlier thismonth that the school had failed to meet termsagreed when the two sidessettled the complaint in January. The group said: “After receiving the letter and reports that Livengood was still monitoring Michael’s lunch period, it became painfully clear that neither Livengood nor Harrison County Schools were taking any serious steps to address what happened in the bathroom that day.”

Meanwhile, Critchfield said that he would refuse to allow what happened to him to be swept “under the rug.” In an ACLU press release in December, Critchfield, 15, said the incident with Livengood, which took place on November 27, had left him terrified.

“At the end of the day, all I want isto feel welcome and safe in myschool,” the teenager said. “MrLivengood’s behaviourin the bathroom that day was terrifying and no student deserves that kind of treatment.”

Chick-fil-A banned from opening at San Antonio airport, council members cite LGBTQ issues

Chick-fil-A has been banned from opening up a new location at the San Antonio International Airport.

On Thursday, the San Antonio City Council approved a seven-year concessions agreement for new restaurants 88 and businesses in Terminal A of the Texas airport with Paradies Lagardère, a travel retailerand restaurateur that works with more than 100 airports.

Chick-fil-A was initially in the plans, but council members amended the plans to exclude the chicken restaurant, with some citing concerns with its record on LGBTQ issues. The amendment was approved by a 6-4 vote.

Councilman Roberto Treviño said in a statement after the vote that, with the decision, the council "reaffirmed the workour cityhasdone to become a champion of equality and inclusion."

"San Antonio is a city full of compassion, and we do not have room in our public facilities for a business with a legacy of anti-LGBTQ behavior," Treviño said in the statement. “Everyone has a place here, and everyone should feel welcome when they walk through our airport.”

Atlanta-based Chick-fil-A said in a statement to USA TODAY that "the press release issued by the councilmember was the first we heard of his motion and its approval by the San Antonio City Council."

"We wish we had the opportunity to clarify misperceptions about our company prior to the vote. We agree with the councilmember that everyone should feel welcome at Chick-fil-A," the company said in the statement. "In fact, we have welcomed everyone in San Antonio into our 32 local storesfor more than 40 years."

In its statement, Chick-fil-A said it "would welcome the opportunity to have a thoughtful dialogue with the city council and we invite all of them into our local stores to interact with the more than 2,000 team members who are serving the people of San Antonio."

The council's decision came a day after ThinkProgress reported that the Chick-fil-A Foundation donated $1.8 million to groups that discriminate against the LGBTQ community in 2017, including the Fellowship of Christian Athletes.

“The more than 34 million tourists who visit San Antonio annually already know about San Antonio’s unique ambiance, history and culture,” Mayor Ron Nirenberg said in a statement. “Giving them an opportunity to taste some of our city’s finest local culinary delights at the airport will enhance the city’s appeal encouraging further exploration and longer stays.”

State-Funded Adoption Agencies In Michigan Barred From Refusing LGBTQ Parents

Faith-based adoption agencies in Michigan that benefit from taxpayer funding will no longer be allowed to legally turn away same-sex couples or LGBTQ individuals based on religious objection, under the terms of a settlement in a lawsuit alleging the practice constituted discrimination.

Attorney General Dana Nessel reached the settlement with the ACLU on Friday, recognizing that a 2015 law that permitted state-contracted child welfare agencies to refuse to provide foster care or adoption services that conflicted with their religious beliefs violates federal anti-discrimination laws.

"Discrimination in the provision of foster care case management and adoption services is illegal, no matter the rationale," Nessel said in a statement. "Limiting the opportunity for a child to be adopted or fostered by a loving home not onlygoesagainst the state'sgoal of finding a home forevery child, it isa direct violation of the contract every child placing agency enters into with the state."

Under the agreement, the Michigan Department of Health and Human Services is obligated to abide by federally mandated nondiscriminatory provisions in its foster care and adoption agency contracts. It is also required to terminate contracts with agencies that fail to comply.

The state law says "to the fullest extent permitted by state and federal law," an agency should not be required to work with prospective parents if it violates the agency's religious beliefs. The Michigan Catholic Conference, an advocacy group representing the Catholic Church in Michigan, reacted to the settlement in a tweet, saying, "It is highly unlikely this is the last chapter of the story." 89 Transgender Californian denied healthcare based on hospital’s religious views

Twenty-seven year old Oliver Knight waslying on a gurneyin a pre-surgical holding area on Aug. 30, 2017, an IV drip hooked up waiting for the general anesthetic to be administered. He was completely prepped forhis life- changing hysterectomy procedure when his surgeon informed him that the hospital’s executive administrators had canceled his surgery.

In a phone call with the Los Angeles Blade Thursday, March 21, ACLU Foundation of Northern California’s Elizabeth Gill, who is representing Knight, now 29, say the hospital claimed that because Knight is transgender, the surgery conflicted with the hospital’s adherence to Catholic doctrine and beliefs.

St. Joseph Hospital is part of the Providence St. Joseph Health Network, a national, Catholic not-for-profit health system, one of the largest health systems in the country, operating 51 hospitals, with over 25,000 physicians. The network operates 18 hospitals in California.

Gill says that Knight being denied healthcare based on the hospital’s religious views—which does not recognize gender-affirming care—is a violation of California’s public accommodations laws governed by California’s Unruh Civil Rights Act.

However, she points out, the hospital regularly allows hysterectomies for patients who are not trans. Additionally, Knight’s physician said he and otherphysicians regularly perform the healthcare procedure, making it clearthat that the denial was discriminatory based soley on Knight being trans.

Gill says the core issue is the serious opposition to transgender rights by the U. S. Catholic Conference of Bishops, which in turn is conveyed to hospital administrators within the Providence St. Joseph Health Network.

The hospital, which is the only healthcare facility serving the Eureka community in a 25-mile area, cannot act in such a discriminatory way under California law, Gill says.

“Gender-affirming care is lifesaving and medically necessary,” Gill tells the Los Angeles Blade. “Transgender people are part of our community, our workplaces, and our neighborhoods and they, just like everyone else, deserve to get the healthcare they need.”

She said that California’s ACLU Foundations and the National Health Law Program’s campaign will gather stories of people denied care and work to ensure Catholic hospitals do not harm more trans or LGBTQ people with their discriminatory practices.

Asked if she found Knight’s case troubling, especially since it occurred in California, Gill answered simply, “very.” 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98

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