E Issue 8, Summer 2011 Bucksnsō County Journal BucksCountyAikido.com 802 New Galena Rd., Doylestown PA 18901 (215) 249-8462

The Razor’s Edge by George Lyons To me, the commitment of a martial artist is more subtle and less obvi- ous than simple, continued, persis- tent effort. Open-hearted in every moment, a martial artist is willing to adapt as necessary, reverse course, or completely let go of everything even unto death. Time invested in conventional commitments is of no consequence, whether it’s in a job, a career, a marriage, or the study of an art. Fear of the loss of long-held ideas (lifestyle) can feel just as ter- rifying as a real death and is con- fronted head on. This is a commit- felt righteous in my point of view all along. To pass through is to see ment of a higher priority, to that of and convinced that certain situations ourselves clearly, accept what we unconditional presence. were unjust. For a chief instructor fear most, let go of the self: our self- there is no relief if he/she is willing importance, self-involvement, our A martial artist clings to nothing and to keep the dojo doors open through self-saving attitude. Not easy to do. so is not bound to a continuum of the chaos, ups and downs, success- growth through efforts and practice. es and failures, in their relationship In my opinion, commitment with- The simple act of being engaged in with the art and their students. Cut- out the willingness to be self effac- the study of Aikido does not neces- ting through the forest of ideas and ing in every moment, in every as- sarily make us martial artists. This feelings, the entanglements of hopes pect of our lives, is just brutishness. truth makes no distinction between and fears, remaining focused in the Our path is a razor’s edge where we beginner and advanced practitio- present moment to see clearly what must learn to see for ourselves if ners, so we can never be complacent “is” and not what we think “should” our commitment is one to preserve about it. be. our worldview, or one that is willing to give it up and perhaps see as we I have now been training in Aikido Long time Aikido practitioners, no have never seen before. This is the for twenty-six years and a chief in- matter who we are, can expect the challenge for the student of Aikido structor for nineteen of them. I’ve trial of loneliness; of feeling unap- and ultimately the commitment of a approached the mat with enthusi- preciated, unneeded, stuck and frus- martial artist. asm as well as dread. My practice trated, bored and bereft. Whatever has given me many rewards and events lead us to it, it’s important to We act out of conviction and there- insights but also times of deep suf- realize that this is part of the human fore create strong, unfathomable fering and despair. Along the way I experience and not just reserved for sin. It is in this sense that our very have indulged in self-satisfaction as Aikidoists. Perseverance in the art conviction is the womb of our sin. well as self-loathing. I have at times reveals it, but in fact it’s been there Religions are not at all the excep- Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Summer 2011 1 tion to this: rather, they are the I knew I was stuck, because Sensei was really happening, drop any ex- greatest example. told me I was. I also felt it from a tra… all those things we hear every lot of you. Several of you also told night… and allow an alternative to Whether it is our faith or our phi- me – in your own way. I am not sure emerge. I had to abandon part of losophy, because of our firm con- why it is so difficult to see yourself my aikido to allow my aikido to victions, we human beings create as you are and then add/subtract as continue to grow. karma or sin. We must deeply ob- necessary. Why it is so difficult to serve this fact. After all, one’s own even consider an alternative way of As I look back on it, I needed to do conviction has trapped oneself more seeing and being? Why is there so several things: and more firmly into the darkness. much resistance to giving up what 1. Take responsibility for my train- Wars are caused because of this we already have? What I am sure ing/development and, ultimately, the destruction of of is that when you cannot take that 2. See myself more clearly the world. breath that you so desperately need, 3. Be willing to abandon what was you start to consider options that no longer needed. Master Hogan you might not have considered un- At the time, however – visualize der less tense circumstances. Gift or your head being held under water not, it was mine… all mine. I real- here – I was not thinking so ratio- The Joy of Stuck ize, now, that no one else could help nally. I was panicking, distressed, by John McDevitt me with it. People could say – you exposed, desperately holding on to are stuck – but they could not un- what I already had, and at the same There is one more thing you need stuck me. I knew that the answer time looking for solutions every- to do… was all around me, in front of me. I where. Approach it like your head is being was swimming in it. I had to some- held under water. how let it in. Or let it out… I had to In the end I believe that several Lyons Sensei be willing to give up what I already things helped me through this part had so that something else would be of my training: able to present itself. There was no Knowing you are stuck, in the dojo pity, blame or even expectation from 1. Embodiment of the fundamen- environment, can create a little ten- anyone in the dojo, simply recogni- tals of Aikido and then “trusting my sion. Some might call it a “gift”. tion of what was. I had to feel it for practice”. I had a few other choice words in myself first and then find an alterna- 2. Being held to the fire. Sensei mind. tive. Be present, be aware, see what made clear where I was and was not going to let me breathe until some- thing happened. There was no pity or anger and also nowhere to hide… just a gentle but firm hand on the back of my neck. 3. Feldenkrais Training. Because of our Feldenkrais training I knew that it was possible to feel myself in new ways and find alternative ways to move. 4. Deciding that I was not going to give up. I had practiced too long and too hard to give up now. I had to let the negativity and denial that naturally presented itself wash over me.

All these things had to ripen to cre-

2 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Summer 2011 ate this moment where something less enemies in the movies. book, has been practicing martial else was possible. arts since 1952. He has studied My first introduction to a seated jeet-kune-do with Bruce Lee in ad- I can now see the joy in being stuck. (Zazen) was a short sit dition to eight other dis- More accurately – I better under- between classes, which I tried af- ciplines. He says in the book that if stand the potential of knowing you ter a brief instruction and without somebody told him about his future are stuck. I see it as an opportunity asking myself (or anyone else) the involvement with Zen in the be- to take a deep breath, walk through questions like “What is this sup- ginning of his path, he would have the door, and just see what is on the posed to do for me?” or “What is dismissed it as nonsense. It was not other side. Thank you all for work- the significance of this?” Back then until several years into his train- ing through this with me (I could it was just a nice breather between ing that he came to realize that the not have done it without you). I am classes, and an interesting mini self- deepest purpose of the martial arts excited to be a beginner again and challenge: “Can I really sit in an is to serve as a vehicle for personal look forward to connecting with unusual posture for 20-30 minutes spiritual development. He writes: you on and off the mat. without moving? Let’s see…” The role of Zen in the martial arts We all have heard Sensei’s many defies easy definition because Zen Zen in Our remarks relating to Zazen about be- has no theory; it is an inner know- ing present in the moment, staying ing for which there is no clearly Practice focused, letting go after the strike. stated dogma. The Zen of martial Our new dojo members have been arts deemphasizes the power of the by Serge Mikhailov exposed to the significance of Zen intellect and extols that of intuitive practice during the recent Zen week action. Its ultimate aim is to free the If you have not last March in the dojo, and those individual from anger, illusion, and Linked yourself who already understood its signifi- false passion. To true emptiness, cance have had a chance to have a You will never understand little more practice. So I decided to One of the many challenges for me The Art of Peace. explore the subject a little more. in my present Aikido practice is get- Morihei Ueshiba ting rid of the habit of tensing up in In preparation for writing this arti- anticipation of a technique, to the At the end of February 2010, invit- cle I read a couple of books: “Zen in point of potentially experiencing in- ed by a friend, I agreed to check out the Martial Arts” by Joe Hyams and jury by not properly taking ukemi. a beginner’s class at Bucks County “The Art of Peace” translated and I bet a few readers who have prac- Aikido. I had no idea what I was get- edited by John Stevens, which con- ticed with me are probably thinking, ting myself into. If someone told me tains stories of life, and numerous “Dude, you’re not only tense dur- back then that some 14 months later talks and writings of O’Sensei. My ing that point in time; you are tense I would pick this subject of Zen for perhaps excessive use of citations from point A to point B, with A be- a piece in BCA Journal after spend- here was done with the purpose ing entering the dojo and B leaving ing quite a few hours in the dojo, showing them in an unprocessed it.” Well, I’m working on it… and and going through a sesshin last form so that the words can deliver hopefully some progress has been October, my best response would messages that may have been misin- made, though I have no timeline have been a skeptical smile. Back terpreted or missed by me. Believe expectations of when this issue will then, the only thing in my mind that me, there are many more quotes be completely resolved. I’m on the linked martial arts with Buddhism which I originally intended to use right track according to this story: and meditation was the fact that it in this article, but it would be better was the prevalent religion and phi- if you just read these very inspiring A young boy traveled across Japan losophy in the countries which ev- books on your own (if you have not to the school of a famous martial eryone associates with martial arts, already done so). artist. When he arrived at the dojo and of course the images of amazing he was given an audience by the Shaolin monks dispatching count- Joe Hyams, the author of the first sensei.

Continued on page 4 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Summer 2011 3 “What do you wish from me?” the stinctive responses, and not just any ing at the end of a strike (though, I master asked. instinctive responses (like block- think I should be able to get rid of “I wish to be your student and be- ing a strike with a stiff arm and this habit rather soon, given the mo- come the finest karateka in the with the heart racing) but on those tivation involved). Having said all land,” the boy replied. “How long proper and effective ones developed that, what conclusion am I getting must I study?” throughout the years of training and to? I am not sure if there is one. One “Ten years at least,” the master an- getting them under your skin. When thing that comes to mind is that for swered. enough techniques practiced thou- all of us, the students of the Art of “Ten years is a long time,” said the sands of times are at the body’s sub- Peace, it is important to remember boy. “What if I studied twice as hard conscious disposal, when the proper to always live in the moment and as all your other students?” moves are executed intuitively end try to present ourselves to our full- “Twenty years,” replied the master. efficiently, with the proper Ki exten- est capacity—be it with training “Twenty years! What if I practice sion, another Zen-inspired O’Sensei and its physical challenges, meeting day and night with all my effort?” saying will start to come to fruition our own fears and anxieties and let- “Thirty years,” was the master’s re- in our practice: ting them go, or sitting through za- ply. zen and dismissing all those pesky “How is it that each time I say I will Ultimately, you must forget about thoughts that block our way if not to work harder, you tell me that it will technique. The further you prog- enlightenment, then to at least some take longer?” the boy asked. ress, the fewer teachings there are. higher state of inner peace. In the “The answer is clear. When one eye The Great Path is really No Path. beginning, we may walk what seems is fixed upon your destination, there to be two separate paths of training is only one eye left with which to Being a realist, and understanding and meditation, which should meet find the Way.” that at this point I have to deal with and become one study of the spirit. my sloppy self for years to come, I And as they do, we begin to walk The same principle applies even to need something to rely on. In my the path set by O’ Sensei: the short-term goals while practic- reading I came across two remarks ing a technique – having your mind O’Sensei made that comfort me in Work on yourself and your appoint- set on something, even on the idea my training and my perception of ed task in the Art of Peace. Every- of freeing it, or trying to block the my own mistakes: one has a spirit that can be refined, blockage, is counterproductive be- a body that can be trained in some cause it simply doesn’t work. From In reality, Aikido has no forms, no manner, a suitable path to follow. the books I have learned a new term set patterns. It is like an invisible You are here for no other purpose – Mushin. It’s a state of mind that wave of energy. However, such a than to realize your inner divinity literally means “no-mind”. In Bruce phenomenon is too difficult for hu- and manifest your inner enlighten- Lee’s words: man beings to grasp, so we use pro- ment. Foster peace in your own life visional forms to explain it and put it and then apply the Art to all that According to the Zen masters, into practice. Any movement, in fact, you encounter. mushin is operating when the ac- can become an Aikido technique, so tor is separate from the act and in ultimate terms, there are no mis- no thoughts interfere with action takes. My advice to you: Learn and Keep Going because the unconscious act is the forget! Learn and forget! Make the by Kim O’Malley most free and uninhibited. When techniques part of your being! mushin functions, the mind moves from one activity to another, flowing Failure is the key to success; Each I want to stand at the top of a moun- like a stream of water and filling ev- mistake teaches us something. tain ery space. And whisper before we are de- I especially think of the second one stroyed This sounds really cool, but I real- after I get my fingers smacked dur- “Keep going” ize that in order to attain this level ing my bokken practice when I am one has to rely on the body’s in- not completely letting go and relax- March 11, 2011 – Tokyo, Japan –

4 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Summer 2011 Magnitude 6.6 Earthquake then—in that brief half-second of Just as the earthquake had started, decision before your body acts. As it vanished like a ripple. … I felt This is it, I thought, this is what I I hung halfway under my desk from something that had killed nearly have been waiting for—the bristle a desperate attempt to save myself, thirty-thousand people. Outside, of reality to curl its bony fingers up I saw a mountain. It was baked in we heard whispers of news from my spine and puncture the reverie. white snow, littered with frozen, iPhones whose connection hadn’t No one knew how to react aside brown sticks, staring straight back been cut off yet, telling us that Sen- from a few squeezed murmurs of at me. My eyes drew clearer and dai was destroyed and an aftershock terror. The world was ending. The a strange calm basked through my was coming. I bought ice cream. haze broke and I clutched the desk, veins. Five seconds had passed. After almost eight years of aikido, waiting—waiting for pieces of sky The room was nearly empty and my I bought ice cream from a conve- to shatter at my feet. That was the friend was trying to shove papers nience store and watched as people first second, but then it got worse. into his backpack. I was going to clung to poles, clutched their loved I felt the tips of my hair touch the leave my things, but I had already ones, and cleaved their hands to- blade before it connected with my stopped thinking. gether to pray to whatever they be- skull—the crushing weight of it all lieved in. It was the same as after ending bearing down on my exis- Everything was moving, but it the first time I felt yonkyo; I got up tence. … It was something… so was slow. Chairs fell over, books smiling. strangely familiar. I remember tak- thrashed off the shelves, I collided ing a breath then and recalling that with the wall, but it kept going and I could move. The sword never so did I. By the time I reached the Take That First touched me—not even a thread of stairs from the third floor, hoards of my clothing was severed. Our Japa- people were already pouring down Step and Go nese Social Problems professor had them, shrieking like an alarm clock by Michael Ryvkin already bolted into the hallway, pop- telling me to wake up. I was alone ping her head back in just to tell us as I dodged frantic college students, to get out as fast as we could. balancing on barely a single toe— Several years ago I made a list of all I had a conversation with myself like during irimi nage. A dragon the things that I would like to spend was coiling under my time on, in order of importance. the ground; we were Relationship and family were the standing on a sink- first two. But we all maintain busy ing ship and getting lives and finding a balance between seasick. I caught a relationship, family, work and daily girl with reaction chores is not easy. time I didn’t know I had just before When Aikido became important she slammed her to me, there were trade-offs and head into the stone schedule changes that needed to be wall. It was so slow made, and I am thankful to my fam- I thought I would ily for their support. Without them never reach the bot- I would not make it. Also there are tom, but I wasn’t times when I come home from work worried. The sway- thinking of all the things that could ing building could be done around the house and start have collapsed with hesitating about coming to practice. me still descending But it is regular training that does the stairwell, but I the magic in the end, so I grab my was confident that I backpack and head to the dojo. would make it some- how. Aikido has attracted me with its par-

Continued on page 6 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Summer 2011 5 adigm of redirecting attacker’s force this path, it is essential to keep go- late I am in a maze of sorts – vague- rather than opposing it, non-violent ing. As goes one of my son's favor- ly familiar snippets of past personal approach and beautiful yet effective ite songs: history. Looking for a way back techniques. Soon after joining the “home” – wherever that may be. As intro class I realized how narrow Soon you will see, of yet I have not been able to get my understanding was. Just how brave there. Encumbered by a load of bag- Brave your heart can be. gage – half it not even mine! Although techniques repeated over Look on up, to the sky. and over get remembered on a mus- Take that first step. There are no recognizable land- cular level, it is not only the body Kiss your fears goodbye. marks. No paths I can remember. that gets trained. Regular and effec- Plenty of dead ends. Passages that tive training can be achieved only constrict as I follow them down. with a combination of physical and Notes from the And – every too infrequently – a mental efforts. window – that if I can only open it Swamplands – I sense I will be able to fly, unen- Finding time in your daily schedule cumbered by gravity. is just the beginning in the training by Andy Cleff of your spirit. I am often confronted in my dreams As I write this, spring is nearing. I by someone who intends me harm – On the mat you are working with see the early bulbs begin their annu- communicated with a glance, a glint a partner but often struggling with al thrust through the winter’s debris of a blade. The threat of annihila- yourself. Feeling of the center, towards light. tion. At those moments, I awaken – proper timing, direction, footwork, my chest pounding, my veins flush and balance – everything is im- In the same manner, I feel my soul with adrenaline. portant. It seems simple when you awakening as I pass into my sec- watch somebody doing it, but this ond half a century. And I begin to Pitch awake. Unable to fall back feeling is deceptive. There were make my way thru my inner debris asleep, I find my zafu. And sit many classes where I thought I had towards rebirth. through the hour of the wolf. My not done my best. But failure is part mind howling. Breathe one, two. of the practice; success and failure My dream-time has been filled with Nightmares most real. Three, four. always come together and are in- clues as to the directions I may trav- Just breathe. Five, six. Just sit there. separable. Any never done before el. But the trouble with my uncon- Twelve, thirteen. Shit. To be quiet is task that you take seems hard and scious is, well, it is unconscious and as impossible as unringing a bell. uncomfortable, but if you keep do- unconcerned about laying things ing it, success is inevitable. out in a clear, direct way. So to get Jung tells us that the characters in my attention, it tends towards the our dreams are just reflections of There is another important thing re- dramatic, choosing good lated to the mental aspect of training old Alfred Hitchcock as the that I understood only after sitting director. meditation classes. Only when you let go other thoughts and concen- Through these fuzzy, ever- trate on one particular thing, wheth- morphing, nocturnal clue- er it is your breath during medita- threads I begin to weave a tion or your partner during training, patchwork of cloth, and – to its quality changes dramatically. borrow a phrase from Yeats The ability to bring that to the class – perhaps I can turn that into or implement that in your daily life a coat to warm me against is an important milestone. the frost of the modern age.

Although I have just begun walking In many of my dreams of

6 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Summer 2011 ourselves. I am not only the pro- I going to have to tagonist of this drama, but also the hurt myself before author. These traps. They are of my I figure out a better own making. The incubus is me. way? Will the rest of my aikido career My psyche is urging me on – to en- consist of correcting gage in both ambiguous and ambi- the mistakes I made tious questions: Where am I going? when I couldn’t get What am I doing that blocks me hurt? from getting to that place that sum- mons my soul? Who am I apart from I used to describe the roles I have been playing? myself as a mar- tial artist, so that I To step into these questions – to wouldn’t have to make choices that enlarge rather talk about aikido to than bind me to my past – forces people who didn’t me to bear the anxiety of doubt. To really care. But I am step into the deepest ocean, uncer- not a martial artist. tain whether I will be able to swim I cling too hard to to some new distant shore. my fragile idea of who I am. I don’t In the same way as entering into live in the moment. ’s attack – into the path of the I don’t stand under blade – accepting and embracing the sword. I’m not the fragility of it all – even if only ready to die. for a fleeting instant in the spinning Growing Up shuttle of eternity – into the open- by Amelia Perkins At sesshin, Genjo talked about en- ing. lightenment and I cried. Why would I feel like a child more often and anybody want to let go of their at- The opening that leads to revela- more acutely now than I ever did be- tachments? Is that really what we’re tion. The revelation that leads to fore, and maybe that in itself should working towards? What am I doing discovery. The discovery that leads be a clue. Children aren’t ashamed here? to…?! of acting like children. Does it make me a coward, to know I did something to my leg recently. that I don’t want it but continue to I don’t pretend to know I fell wrong, I landed funny, and I sit in silence? What you’re going through. pulled something, and it’s not get- And I don’t pretend to know ting better. In all my years of aikido Does it make me brave? How to make it any better. I have never had an injury that per- sisted for longer than a week. I’ve It has been such a gift to be able to But if you want to talk about it, fallen badly so many times. spend my time wading through the Bow in and grab a hold of me. muck of daily training. It has been I don’t bounce back easily any- a gift to recognize my flaws and my I have my own stories. more. talents on the mat, where there’s no I have my own hell to live hiding and no running away. through. So much doubt. Have I always fall- en that way? Do I always fling my Living here was supposed to be my You are not alone. knee out, smash my heel into the grand farewell to the dojo. But then ground, absorb all the force with just I helped dig the trench and build my shoulder? How many times am the groundhog fence and install the

Continued on page 8 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Summer 2011 7 new office floor and put together the wilderness comfort station, and I forgot I was supposed to be saying goodbye. I moved in at the tail end of the summer and suddenly it’s al- most summer again and I only have a month left, and the idea of leaving Haley makes my throat close up. Helen and John’s I am leaving, and there is going to beloved dog Ha- be a moment where I will have to ley passed away stand up and tell you all how much I on May 25, 2011. have loved practicing with each and For the past ten every one of you, knowing that af- years he has been terward I’m going home for the last a familiar pres- time. ence at the dojo, and he will be This is my dojo, more familiar to missed by all of me than my own house. I grew up us. here, protected and pushed in equal measure by my fellow seekers and my teacher, and I have to leave if I’m going to keep growing.

It’s time.

Provisional Summer 2011 Schedule Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday 6:30 - 7:30 7:00 - 7:30 6:30 - 7:30 8 - 9 am Zazen Uchi Deshi Zazen Zazen

9 - 10 am 9:15 - 11 am Mixed Free Practice

12:15 - 1 pm 12:15 - 1 pm 10:15 - 11:15 Mixed Mixed

5 - 5:45 pm 5 - 5:45 pm 5 - 5:45 pm 5 - 5:45 pm 5 - 5:45 pm Free Practice Iaido Free Practice Zazen Free Practice

6 - 7 pm 6 - 7 pm 6 - 6:45 pm 6 - 7 pm 6 - 6:45 pm Mixed Intro/Basics Mixed Intro/Basics Mixed

6:50 - 7:10 6:50 - 7:10 Zazen Zazen

7 - 8 pm 7 - 8 pm 7:15 - 8 7 - 8 pm 7:15 - 8 pm Weapons Mixed Weapons Mixed Mixed

8 Ensō: Bucks County Aikido Journal | Summer 2011