Relationships: the Roots of Well-Being

PUBLICATION SERIES The Future of Adoption 2019 UMASS AMHERST

Relationships: The Roots of Well-being

SUSAN BADEAU

I have a magnificent Japanese maple tree in my survives, shakes off her branches and stands front yard. She is glorious in every season, from proud ready to take on another day. the moment her first cranberry-hued buds appear announcing the advent of spring, through the lush Other trees in our neighborhood aren’t always so emerald-tones of her leafy summer apparel. As lucky. After every major weather event, broken autumn approaches she is resplendent in her royal branches are scattered like kindling across the crimson gown, flecked with golden threads. Even landscape, many are completely uprooted. Each in winter, when her bare, black branches form a time a storm passes and our tree remains stand- stark contrast with the slate gray sky, she remains ing, my husband and I breathe a sigh of relief lovely, occasionally sparkling as frost, ice or fluffy mingled with gratitude and say to each other, white snow adorn her branches. Sitting on my “Yup, she sure has a strong root system.” front porch, hot or ice coffee in hand depending This picture of a beloved tree surviving storm on the season, soaking in her beauty before start- after storm of life and continuing to soldier on, ing my day is one of my favorite self-care activities. displaying her seasonally changing yet unceas- Storms are frequent in our Philadelphia neighbor- ingly predictable colors is the best definition of hood, and every time the remnant of a hurricane resilience and well-being I have ever seen. barrels up from the south or a frigid nor’easter In adoption, and indeed, throughout child wel- marches through from the north, I watch in awe fare, we often talk about safety, permanency and as my tree bends, sways, tremors and shakes off well-being as three separate but equally desirable the assault of the brutal weather. And every time I outcomes for the children we serve. Yet in truth, a worry that she might topple over, she somehow child cannot grow and thrive, never mind survive SPRING the terrifying and persistent storms of life without all three, inextricably knit together—like a root system.

Trees do not have singular roots, they have root systems which are deep, broad and complex in nature. Root systems holds trees firm in the face of brutal storms and gale-force winds. Root systems are what we all need to hold our lives firm in the face of the brutal storms and gale-force winds that besiege and beset us in life. Children and youth— including those on the brink of adulthood - need roots most of all. Sounds simple. Yet so many children’s root systems have been ripped out from

RUDD ADOPTION RESEARCH PROGRAM at UMASS AMHERST • THE FUTURE OF ADOPTION: BEYOND SAFETY TO WELL-BEING 1 Roots of Well-Being

under them as a result of trauma. Then, when the storms of life come along they are tossed about like tumbleweed rather than holding fast like the tree in our yard.

This can be true for children who experience many forms of trauma, including surviving a school shooting, living through a violent act of nature such as a hurricane or tornado, or growing up in a neighborhood where gun violence is an everyday occurrence. And this is especially true for children who experience out-of-home placement in foster care or juvenile justice systems. First, they often experience traumatic events in their life-before- SUMMER the-system such as domestic violence, abuse, ne- glect or abandonment. Then, they experience the framework for well-being for young people who profound grief associated with being separated have experienced foster care or other out-of- from their birth parents, as well as grandparents, home experiences which posits that “positive so- siblings, school, friends, neighbors, church and cial, emotional, and physical well-being are core others who are significant in their lives. aspects of a young person’s development. To be healthy and well, young people need to be able All too often, in our culture, we are eager to fit to develop and maintain relationships and social them with wings and launch them into the world, networks, and successfully interact within their hoping that by providing them with a few life skills, community. Young people also need to be able a little education and opportunities for employ- to effectively recognize, understand, and ex- ment, they will fly high and soar. press emotions and to channel those emotions into healthy behaviors. In addition, young peo- The good news is, often they do. ple need to be physically healthy and fit and be The question is, what happens on the windy days able to make safe and constructive life choices.” of life? Do they have roots that will help them (Langford, Badeau, & Legters, 2015). weather the storms? We strengthen children’s root systems when we Children who have experienced trauma need understand that growth, healing and thriving oc- roots in a family, in their culture and in a cur in—and only in—the context of relationships. community. Youth cannot be sent away into “treatment” to be healed and then offered relationship. All treat- The good news is that even when root systems ment options and opportunities must begin by have been wounded by trauma, loss, disruption assessing the current status of the child’s existing and separation, they can also be strengthened. root system of relationships and working with Each of us can play a role in helping children de- and from the foundation of these relationships to velop the sturdy root systems that will serve them restore, heal, strengthen and increase the relation- well in every storm life brings their way. ships that will enable the young person to grow, develop and thrive. Just as a tree’s root system provides nourishment, nurtures growth, screens out harmful toxins and We strengthen children’s root systems when we stores food for winter-survival, so a young person’s work to ensure that every child is entitled to a safe, root system needs to have the capacity to nurture, stable, permanent, legal family of their own—be- nourish, support and strengthen him or her across ginning with their family of origin (including siblings, all life domains and through all seasons of life. The extended family and kin) and when needed adding Youth Transition Funders Group developed a more family through guardianship or adoption.

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as the child who is bullied. Instead of “zero-

tolerance” we need trauma-responsive policies in our schools and communities that offer help, hope and healing to all children and reaches out in a supportive way to all families. This concept of hospitality as a welcoming and loving response to those who are cut-off or alone is universally taught by all religions and embraced by all systems of ethics, morals and values.

We strengthen children’s root systems when we give them opportunities to learn about, embrace and be proud of their own identity (including gender identity and sexual orientation), cultural and religious heritage and provide positive adult role models who share the same culture and/or identity and who can help them navigate and mine the rich and fertile soil of the fullness of their heritage and identity. Roots: Who are Trunk: What Branches: Who the key family strengths did are the key Finally, we strengthen children’s root systems members and I gain from my family and rela- when we provide all of the necessary supports and relationships family and relationships who tools that will enable them to enhance their own that have tionships? support my contributed to pursuit of goals capacity for growth and well-being. This is of par- my identity and and dreams? ticular important to children who join their families sense of self? through adoption and to the adoptive families. Post-adoption supports are vital tools necessary to ensuring the long-term health, safety, growth, Root systems are never strengthened by cutting off development, resilience and lifelong well-being and discarding critical portions. Similarly, children of all family members within the adoption constel- and youth must be given opportunities to maintain lation. By attending to their needs across all life contact and meaningful connection with import- domains, engaging them in planning for their ant people from their past while also branching own future and honoring their voices while also out to develop capacity for new attachments and providing constructive and respectful guidance healthy relationships for their future. We can never especially during periods of transition, we can satisfy ourselves by saying that some children are help them not only weather life’s storms, but “unadoptable,” “too old,” “too disabled” or even fully reach their potential in every season of life.

“too competent” to need a family. FALL We strengthen children’s root systems when we welcome children who have experienced trauma into our neighborhoods and communities and never consider any child a “throw-away.” When we ask, “what happened to this child?” rather than “what’s wrong with this child?” (Bloom, 1997; Bloom, Forderaro, Ryan, & S.E.L.F., 2006) when we encounter troubling behaviors. When we refuse to lock children away in jails without making every effort to provide trauma-responsive, healing treatment for them first. In our schools, the child who bullies may need our help and love just as much

RUDD ADOPTION RESEARCH PROGRAM at UMASS AMHERST • THE FUTURE OF ADOPTION: BEYOND SAFETY TO WELL-BEING 3 Roots of Well-Being

• Child welfare policy should provide for training of all foster parents, adoptive parents, caseworkers, group home and independent living staff in ado- lescent brain development, impact of trauma on adolescents and necessity of permanent lifetime relationships throughout adulthood to develop and sustain well-being • Child welfare policy should allow for adoptive parents to return to the agency for post-adoption/ post-permanency support months or even years after the adoption without having to relinquish their rights or disrupt the adoption. • Policy should be clear that no youth exits care without identifying at least one link to a lasting rela- WINTER tionship with a caring adult

Implications for the Future of Adoption: Research Implications for the Future of Adoption: • Understanding and valuing the concept of sup- Practice porting an entire root system for children and youth who are adopted is the first step in nurturing Youth should be provided with information about healthy well-being. More research, however, is • stages of development and the impact of trauma needed in order to assist child welfare and adop- so they can be better equipped to navigate their tion agencies and professionals to understand the own life path mechanics of how to put this value-based theory into practice. A few of the critical questions that • Open adoption or similar strategies which allow research can help address include: youth to maintain relationships with birth family, former foster families and other critical people in • What are the best-practices for helping youth stay their lives while also pursuing and benefiting from connected to birth family members before and the lifetime permanence of adoption should be post-adoption? routine practice available to all young people. • What are the implications for these practices when the young person has experienced significant trauma in connection with birth family relationships? • What are best practices for supporting adoptive families, post-permanency, as they seek to navigate meeting the present and future needs of the adop- tee while also being attentive to and respectful of past relationships that are important to the youth?

Implications for the Future of Adoption: Policy

• Child Welfare policy should allow for continued contact between youth and biological family members over time even if and when parental rights are terminated. Caveats for safety can be implemented without compromising on the over-riding need for a sense of history, identity and roots.

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References Author

Bloom S.L. (1997). Creating sanctuary: Toward the evolution of sane societ- ies. New York: Routledge.

Bloom S.L., Foderaro J.F., Ryan R., S.E.L.F.: A trauma-informed psychoeducational group curriculum. (2006). Retrieved on July 4, 2013, from: http://www.sanctuaryweb.com/self-manual.php Langford, B., Badeau, S. H., & Legters, L. (2015). Investing to Improve the Well-Being of Vulnerable Youth and Young Adults: Recommendations for Policy and Practice. Youth Transition Funders Group. Retrieved December 20, 2018, from http://www.ytfg.org/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/Invest- ing-in-Well-Being-small.pdf

Susan Badeau

Sue Badeau is a nationally known speaker, writer and consultant with a heart for children and families. After receiving a degree in Early Childhood Education from Smith College, Sue worked for many years in child welfare and juvenile justice systems. She serves on several national boards and was formerly president of the North American Council on Adoptable Children. Sue writes and speaks extensively to public & private agencies, courts, parent groups and churches.

She has worked closely with the National Child Traumatic Stress Network, A Second Chance, Inc., Justice for Families, All Children, All Families (a program of the Human Rights Campaign), the National Council for Juvenile and Family Court Judges, Casey Family Programs and was the Deputy Director of the Pew Commission on Children in Foster Care. Sue has developed curricula and provided training in all fifty states, several Tribal nations and internationally in North America and Africa.

RUDD ADOPTION RESEARCH PROGRAM at UMASS AMHERST • THE FUTURE OF ADOPTION: BEYOND SAFETY TO WELL-BEING 5