COLORADO, UNIV OF - CAMPUS uccs Nm,qs , COLO. SPRS. -
''Were it left for me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. '' - Thomas Jefferson
1 1GS _ VOL 11, NO 28 DEADLINE for all submitted articles to The Scribe is 2:00 p.m. Thursday, 10 days prior to each issue articles are to appear. APRIL 22, 1985
Make-vour Voice Heard Marketing Major Changes in Student Health Insurance hy Jennifer Post rector of finance, five student Your hr C.L. Bee the years to come and to stabilize Students will soon have a chance deans (of Business, Education, Engineering, LAS, and Graduate UCCS students will see major costs, the university has opted to to voice their opinions about their Skills changes in the campus health in create a separate in surance ac student government at UCCS . Schools), and seven senators hy Sheila McMahon surance policy. count. The premium s for student UCCS student government elec elected at large.-The Judicial Board Several activities have taken The student health insurance health insurance will remain at tions will be held on May I and 2. is the judicial branch. place recently at UCCS tailored to program; underwritten by Keys $71. .00 per semester even though Students will be asked to con The constitution, as amended the job-seeking student. These ac tone Life Insurance Company, has the actual cost for the in surance is sider two issues: the ratification on would streamline the legi slative tivities usually take the form of given the University a very favor only $64.00. One dollar is re an amended UCCS Associated and executive branches, according workshops and speaker series able renewal. The result is that the couped for administrative costs Students (UCCSAS) Constitution, to Dean Wisner. The president which are open to all UCCS stu premium for students will not in and the remaining $6.00 will go and the election of officers for the would not be removed from the dents. One such program took crease, yet the maximum benefit into a reserve fund . senate, but would be a member. 1985-86 school year. place on April 8th, 9th, and 10th, for claims has doubled from "If we can build up some re The new student government $10,000 to $20,000 in coverage. The amended constitution, and was jointly sponsored by the serve dollars. we could eventually would consist of president. vice In addition, a new attempt at which was approved in part in an Communication and Economics self-fund and that would lower our president, director of finance, the clubs. The purpose _- of this pro creative funding for the program claims experience, .. said Beckley. election last year, would change five student deans, and the seven will be tried. the structure of the student gov gram, entitled "Marketing Your senators-at-large. The Judicial The university was offered at This reserve would belong to ernment. UCCS student govern Skills,·· was to provide students Board would not change. with the information and skills 16 . 19 percent decrease in rates for the university · and the account ment is currently modeled after the would be gaining interest. The re Dean Wisner notes that if the needed to obtain a position in to the I 985-86 plan year. However, United States government. It is serve would protect the program in constitution is not ratified, that the day 's job market. the proposal was declined under composed of three branches: exec the worst~case situation, but would student government positions will The first section of the pro the advice of Steve Beckley, insur- utive,. legislative, and judicial. . ance liason for UCCS. " I r~com allow the university to keep the But, in the words of Ron Wisner, revert to the present system. The gram was held Monday evening mended that we don 't take that gain _from that money . UCCS Dean of Student Life, ''stu vice president would become the from 7:00 to 9:00 in the Brooks large a premium deduction because chancellor, and the student senate Room. Lynda Rogerso·n from The renewal plan will go into dent government is not as complex I think '83- '84 was a very favor and doesn't need as complex would select a vice chancellor. Lynco and Associates shared her effect in September of 1985 and a able plan year, " _said Beckley. structure.·· · insights on how to write an appro-· will be review(;d after six months. The polls will be open from 8 am According to Beck ley, it is priate resume. Tuesday evening 12 months and 18 months to reas dangerous to base rates on one The present structure consists of to 8 pm on Wednesday, May I. and Jane Rawlings from Current, In sess the loss ratio in the 1985-86 a president (executive branch), a Thursday_, May 2. This is your corporated Academy Awards JOE BOB GOES TO THE DRIVE-IN by Joe Bob Briggs Drive-In Movie Critic of Rockwall, Texas
Okay, let's get right to it before And the winner is: all the nominees start taking their Lucinda Dickey, the dark-horse clothes off like they did last year, candidate, overcoming 30- in a shameless attempt to influence million-dollars Tanya and Bo the members of the Academy, if budgets to prove that white people you know what I mean and I think can dance like Negroes, little girls you do . The Drive-In Academy can break all bimbo fu records, and A wards are not the time for imma one actress can make three movies ture attempts at humor, especially for the extra-low-budget Cannon since some of you gals have such Group in a single year. small breasts. BREAST ACTRESS I'd like to lead us in a moment of The nominees are: silent prayer. at this time, for the Susan Anton in " Cannonball late, great drive-in star Vic Mor II"; Melanie Griffith in "Body row. As you know, the Hubby Double"; Misty Rowe in "Meat Awards always begin with the Vic balls II"; Helen Slater in "Super Morrow minute of s_ilence, which bimbo"; Colleen Camp in "the will start right now: . Joy of Sex''; Maria Socas in ''The Amen. Warrior ·and the Sorceress''; The Drive-In Academy is now in Sophia Loren in "Sex Pot"; Linda session. Would everyone in the Kerridge in "Surf 2"; Cindy reading audience please raise his or Hazard in "Weekend Pass"; her right hand or hands and repeat Alana Steward in "Where the the Drive-In Oath after me. Big Boys Are"; Carmen Duncan in Steve King will be leading the oath "Dark Forces"; Lilli Cara ti in from his home in Bangor, Maine. with his male "Escape From Women's Pris9n"; All right, Steve, you may begin: Lenore Kasdorf in "Missing in We are drive-in mutants. Action.'' We are not like other people. The Final Chapter" and "Missing the scene where the wimp says Malone's kid falls into the nuclear And the winner is: We are sick. In action." ''How much I Jove you, Sheena, so dump, turns into a glopola mons Maria Socas (of course), for her We are disgusting. And the winner is: much it busts my heart." ter, and eats half of Idaho. four-garbonza witch-lady Argen We believe in blood. Lucio Fulci, the Italian Stallion, BEST PSYCHO tine belly dance. In breasts, BEST BEAST working with killer snakes, zom The nominees are: BEST FLICK And in beasts. And the nominees are: bies rea.Jtors, the best dubbing in Groundhog mushroom-cloud John Diehl in "Angel"; Menlo Finally, the moment we've all We believe in Kung Fu City. Rome, and sets that make Italy been waiting for. And the If life had a Vomit Meter, · monster in ''Children of the the Nerd in "Surf 2"; George C. look exactly like Paramus, N .J. Scott in "Fires tarter"; Dick nominees are: We'd be off the scale. Corn"; the space herpy in "Ice It's about time we recognized these Shawn in ''Angel''; Ron O 'Neal in "The Terminator," with .Arnold As long as one single drive-in Pirates"; killer Great Dane in foreign directors for the contribu "Red Dawn"; Billy Barty in the Barbarian dropping buck Remains on the planet Earth, "Human Animals'·'; ·giant lizard tion they're making to the driv,e-in "Night Patrol"; and "f:aye nekkid out of the sky, turning into a We will party like jungle' ani- rhino with flippers in ''Conan the experience worldwide. Dunaway" in "Supergril." National Guard Armory with legs, mals, Destroyer"; Jewish alien from BEST GROSS-OUT SCENE outer space in "Meatballs II." And the winner is: and wasting half of El Lay. We will boogie till we puke. And the nominees are: "Bo Lero," where Bo finally Heads will roll. And the winner is;: John Diehl, the hooker killer Patman-seaweed-face-stuffing who likes to make love to dead proves she's. the Oral Roberts of The drive-in will never die . The space herpy in "Ice Pi in "Surf 2"; flagpole-through bodies and twist knives in bimbo the drive-in . , Amen. rates,'' tne only sci-fi monster ever the-heart in "The Power"; hand stomachs and suck the yolk out ''Conan the Destroyer,'' also Okay, dry your eyes im to spread a veneral disease by of in-the-automatic-roast-beef-slicer the bottom -of eggs while he's known as "Arnold· the Barbarian mediately and pass me the first en jumping out of a Thanksgiving tur in "Children of the Corn"; key. looking at a picture of his Mam and II," where Arnold gets blood on velope. We have a special award yellow-water-in-the-pool in his deltoids in almost every scene. this year. We've never offered it BEST EXPLODING BAMBOO scrub himself raw with a brush and "Stuck on You''; Sophia Loren drool a lot and dress up like a Hare "Friday the 13th Part 4: The before, but it's the Chubb Memo FLICK trying to sing in "Sex Pot"; Krishna . He also does some weird Final Chapter," best sequel and rial Award for Fat Actors . The The nominees are: Jason's-melted-head in "Friday stuff. Red Meat Champion of 84. nominees are: the 13th 4"; gazeboslicer in " Ice "The Evil That Men Do"; "Ice Pirates," the flick about J. Dinan Myrtetus (for "The Pitates"; fish-head-chewing in "Sheena Queen of the Jungle"; BEST ACTOR jive robots, midge t bikers, and Power'-' ); the Chubb Fricke " Bad Manners"; camel-vomit in ''Missing in Action''; ''Red The nominees are: Professor herpes. Jooka]ike in "Surf 2"; Broderick "Conan the Destroyer"; paint Dawn.'' · Irwin Corey in " Stuck on You"; ''Break in','' the ones that made Crawford in "Dark Forces"; the-town-brown bedpan scene in And the winner is: Charles Bronson in ''The Evil That Negro-dancing history . Michael Rapport in ''Caged Woman''; slime-spewing "Missing in Action," with Big Men Do"; Arnold Schwarzeneg "Surf 2," about enslaved· " Hardbodies"; Powers Boothe in , bats in ''House By the Cemetery''; Chuck Norris liberating seven mil ger for ' 'Conan the Destroyer'' and candy-faced surfer boys forced to "Red Dawn"; William Marin in Sammy, Burt, and Dom dressed up lion of the American prisoners still "The Terminator" ; Chuck Norris chew the heads off live frogs. And ''The Warrior and the Sorceress.'' like women in "Cannonball II"; being held in Southeast Asian pris in "Missing in Action"; Robert ''Children of the Corn,'' about a And the winner is: Broderick safety-pins-through-the-nipples in ons by turning the gooks into rice Powell in "Dark Forces"; Gary bunch of kids in Nebraska that like Crawford, who put away 84 "Cheech and Chong as the Corsi paddy manure. Wood in "Hardbodies"; Robert to carve up their parents and make lobster dinners just to train for his can Brothers''; deer-blood-drinkin KUNG FU Urich in "Ice Pirates"; Andrew gasohol.'' role in ''Dark Forces,'' the movie in "Red Dawn"; honey-on-Bo's The nominees: Occhipinti in "Conquest" and And the winner is: where the devil tries to break body in "Bo Lero"; intestine Anjelica Huston, bullwhip fu, in "Bolero"; Courtney Gains in The Terminator! Was there ever Broderick's neck but he can't be ripping in ''The Evil That Men "Ice Pirates"; George C. Scott, ''Children of the Corn''; George any doubt? Arnold, come on down cause Broderick doesn't have a Do''; eyeball-carving in "The nosechop fu. in "Firestarter"; Kennedy for ''Chattanooga Cho here and don't say a few words. neck. Terminator." George Rivero, Killer-bat fu, in Choo" and "Bo Lero"; Danton Once again, in 1984, a bleak year We will now proceed to the tra And the winners are: · "Conquest"; Grace Jones, spear Sterne in "The Joy of Sex." for the outdoor cinema, drive-in ditional Drive-In Academy Award Sammy Davis Jr., Burt fu, in "Conan the Destroyer"; And the winner is: · history was made. categories. All winners will re Reynolds, and Dom Deluise, dres George Lindsey, monkey Arnold the Barbarian, now Finally, I'd like to say a few ceive an engraved Chevy Hubcap . sing up in lady's clothes and sing kickboxing, in "Cannonball II"; doing every picture he makes with words to you people who didn't whenever I get around to sending ing Broadway show tunes. Lucinda Dickey, bimbo fu, in less than IO words of dialogue, and win Hubbies this year: em out. We'll begin with: " Ninja III: The Domination"; Sho BEST STUPID FLICK continuing to wear all his muscles You didn't deserve to win. BEST DIRECTOR Kosugi, the human Roto-Rooter in The nominees are: on the outside of his body. Check you in 86. And the nominees are: "Ninja III: The Domination"; Jackie (No Relation to King) "Where th.e Boys Are" BEST ACTRESS (Lauderdale version); Chuck Norris in ''Missing in Ac- Kong, for " The Being" and tion." · The nominees are: "Night Patrol"; Fritz Kiersch, the ''Hardbodies'' (Venice Calif. ver Tanya Roberts for "Sheena"; sion); "Weekend Pass" (San And the winner is Nazi who made, "Children of the Grace Jones, wild woman in a Bo Derek for "Bo Lero ";Lucinda Diego version); ''The Joy of Sex'' Corn''; Lloyd Kaufman and burr haircut, breaking m·ale spears Dickey for "Breakin' " and CORRECTION (Van Nuys version); "Sheena "Ninja III: The Domination"; Michael Herz, for "Stuck on and polin,g guys in their privates. In the April I issue of The You"; Mark Lester, for the Queen of the Jungle" (Africa ver Sabrina Siani in "Conquest"; Scribe, it was reported that the sion); "Chattanooga Choo Choo" exploding heads in "Firestarter"; BEST NUCLEAR-WASTE Donna Wilkes in "Angel"; Susan group responsible for the re (Joe Namath version); ''The Cor Lucio Fulci for "Conquest" and DISPOSAL FLICK Stokey in ''The Power''; Dorothy painting of the Child Care Center "House by the Cemetery"; John sican Brothers (Cheecb and Chong The nominees are: Malone in "The Being"; Teal was the UCCS Communications Derek for casting his wife in "Bo version); ''Cannonball II'' "The Being"; "Night of the Roberts and Kristi Somers in Club. However, it should have Lero''; J. Lee Thompson for ''The (Johnny Carson guest-host ver Zombies"; "Human Animals";· "Hardbodies"; Mary Crosby in been reported that -the group re Evil That Men Do"; James sion) . "House by the Cemetery"; "Surf ''Ice Pirates''; Drew Barrymore in sponsible was Bob Linden' s Cameron for "The Terminator"; And the winner is: 2. " "Firestarter"; Karen Black in ORMG 335 "Eight is Enough" and Joseph Zito, another double '' Sheena Queen of the Jungle, '' And the winner is: "Bad Manners"; and Olivia group. Our ap.ologies for the for the killer-flamingo attack and "The Being," where Dorothy d' Abo in "Conan the Destroyer." threat, for ''Fri_day the 13th Part 4: t mix-up. ----~------Athletic/Recreation Athletic/Recre_ation Survey NEWS Athletic/Recreation is starting to E. Rock Climbing Basketball Season Over plan the Summer Activities and we F. Summer Softball The basketball season is over. want to know what you want to do. G. Other Post season play begins April 15th Please fill out the survey below and H. None at Immanuel Lutheran School . In leave it in the box at the Student the first round the Lazers will play Center Desk. MBTE and the Dam Slunkers will IN 4. Circle the days you could par play the Chargers. Winners will Instructions: Please circle the ticipate: play at 7:30pm, April 22nd, with appropriate responses. A . Monday the losers playing" afterwards. The I. Are you planning to attend the 8. Tuesday THE PUB!! champions will be determined on summer session: Yes No C. Wednesday April 29th. 2. Would you participate in any D. Thursday FINAL STANDINGS: UCCS summer activities: E. Friday Yes No F. Weekends Lazers 5-1 Dam Slunkers 5-1 3. Please circle below the activities . Chargers 1-5 Stu you would do: 5. What times are best for you? MBTE 1-5 A. Aerobics A . 7:00am-9:00am Spring is here! Ath/Rec has B. Camping B. 11:00am-l:00pm camping, fishing, and rock climb C. Horseback Riding C. 4:00pm-6:00pm ing equipment for students to rent. D. Rafting D . 7:00pm-9:00pm Take a break before the finals rush Miller and go to the mountains for the weekend. Call Ath/Rec, x448, for ------· all your camping needs. Volleyball Continues Wed. Apri I 24 THINK FLO-WERS Volleyball continues to get in teresting, with two nights of season play left. There is a 3-way tie for and. the lead . CA Volleyball, Eight is Enough, and the Goodguys all have undefeated records of 3-0. Sweetheart Roses Come out Monday night and watch the confrontation between CA Thurs. April 25 $595 Volkyball and Eight is Enough at per dozen Lincoln Elementary, 7:30pm. CURRENT STANDING: (Good thru 4-27-85) CA VOLLEYBALL 3-0 EIGHT IS ENOUGH 3-0 THE GOODGUYS 3-0 8:00-11 :30 P.M. MATTOON'S PLATOON 1-2 Mon.-Sat. 9-7 BOOKSTORE BOMBERS 1-3 THE DIGGERS 1-3 UCCS Uccs 0-4
3350 N. Union at Fill 11ore Textual Interpretation Lecture to be Given The Committee for the Humanities at UCCS will be pre senting a lecture today, April 22 , at TRIVIAL 4:30 p.m. in the Brooks Room . Joan Dean , Associate Professor of English at the University of Mis souri in Kansas City, will be pre PURSUIT senting the lecture entitled: · The Play's the Thing, or I Think it 's Giant game of Trivial Done With Mirrors." The topic of the lecture is the textual interpreta tion of dramatic Iiterature and Pursuit on Wednesday, Barterrding perfonnance. College of Colorado The lecture is open to the public April 24 at 10:30 on the and wine and hors d 'oeuvres will be served. Please plan to join us. grass outside the Library CLASSIFIEDS- Building. HEAL TH INSURANCE: Com ~,u. MAKE GOOD MONEY plications of pregnancy covered even if you are pregnant now. Call ~,~ THIS ''SUMMER'' Linda at 598-971 I . Sign up at the Student Term papers, research papers, p::iper papers! Rates designed ''LEARN BARTEND/NG'' with the student in mind. Timely, Center Desk. accurate, professional. Call 594- 9390. * Behind Actual Bar Training SPEND A SUMMER ON THE * Placement Assistance RIVER. WHITEWATER GUIDES SCHOOL - 7 day in Sign up in groups of six * Diploma Program tensive workshop in guiding or * Wine Seminar in paddle boats.Comprehensive or individually. $5.00 instruction in all phases of con * Draft Beer Seminar ducting one-day to multi-day players fee per member. Management Class commercial raft trips. Employ * ment' opportunity for qualified * Day or Evening Classes graduates. Contact: M. Wilson at l-399-8889 (Denver) IO a.m. to 7 p.m . PRIZE $180°0 Earn money and work on For tune 500 Companies' marketing worth of text books 591-1199 programs on campus. Part-time MASTER CARD OR VISA (flexible) hours each week. We 3818 1\llaizeland Rd ., C.S. CO 80909 give references. Call 1-800-234- next semester. 6679.