August 2, 2019 | Volume XVII, Issue 6

Geoff Millard – ships” kept From Buffalo to Baltimore, via 9/11 A Long Journey Home him alive ground zero, Iraq, and he is and anti-war work By Rodney Burger spearian quality. This leather man’s jour- thankful to I’ve interviewed many leather titlehold- ney was far from simple. those loving men who helped ers over the years. For most their story is Born in Buffalo, New York, to parents him. He does not consider somewhat simple: They grew up, discov- who both had substance-abuse issues, these relationships abuse and ered leather, ran for a leather Geoff knew he was gay added that any sex he had was title, and won. It is an inter- How a rising star and kinky at an early age. never against his will. When he esting journey, but not terribly Unfortunately, in an abu- was 17, he went to a military re- dramatic. Sean Penn is not of leather found sive family filled with ho- cruiter and joined the New York going to win an Oscar for play- home and family in mophobia he spent a long National Guard. He “presented ing that part. time in the closet. He even a super manly persona,” had On July 11th I sat down Baltimore witnessed firsthand the vi- never been involved with drugs with California State Bootblack olence against gay people or alcohol, and impressed the 2018 Geoff Millard, who was recently run- in his hometown. At age 11 he ran away recruiter. Since he was only 17, ner-up for International Mr. Bootblack 2019 from home. Although he was already 6 foot he needed his mother to sign for at the big International Mr. Leather Contest 3 when he was in fifth grade, he knew that him. As a person in a union town (IML) in Chicago. This was his second time if he stayed his brother would kill him. He who had no marketable skills, no hitting the IML stage. When he competed survived on the streets and often stayed trade, no college, and at a time as Mr. San Francisco Leather 2017, he with older men. These “daddy relation- —continued on page 32 also placed first runner-up to International Mr. Leather. It seemed appropriate that as I sat with him in his Baltimore home to hear Toby’s his story a storm was brewing outside. In By Frankie Kujawa Darren between thunder and flashes of lighting, Mamma Mia continues to dance its way he relayed a life that almost had a Shake- into the hearts of audiences this month at McDonnell Toby’s Dinner Theatre in Columbia, Mamma Maryland. Running until September 8th, Mam- Dazzles in Darren ma Mia is the story of Mia McDonnell area. I lived In New York for a spell and (right) in a daughter’s quest to Darren McDonnell: I started doing the- Mamma Mia discover her father’s atre in grade school, then into high school worked at several regional theatres on the at Toby’s identity, which brings and college. I also performed community East Coast and the Midwest. I did a nation- three very different theatre. That started at Cockpit in Court al tour while living in NYC. I worked with men from her mother’s Summer Theatre at Essex Community Col- people who have gone on and had quite past back into her life. lege in 1980. I’ve worked the career on Baltimore OUTloud at many of the communi- Beloved stage classic comes to Broadway and recently chatted with ty theatres in Baltimore: TV. I still say it’s Baltimore-native Dar- Spotlighters, Vaga- Toby’s Dinner Theatre never too late! ren McDonnell who bonds, Fells Point Cor- What is plays Harry Bright in ner, Dundalk Community your role of the performance. Theatre, as well as the dinner theatres that Harry Bright in Mamma Mia all about? Frankie Kujawa: were in the Baltimore area: F. Scott Black’s I am one of the “dads”. Harry is an Could you describe Towsontowne Dinner Theatre, Harborlights old lover of Donna (the mother) and they your background Dinner Theatre, Fells Point Dinner The- met when Harry followed her all the way as both a performer atre, Act Two Dinner Theatre, Timonium to Greece. I don’t want to give too much and Baltimore-na- Dinner Theatre, and then other dinner the- away, but Harry is from London and is a tive for our readers? atres in the Washington / Northern Virginia —continued on page 20 Co-Publishers Jim Becker • Jim Williams [email protected]

Executive Editor Jim Becker [email protected] [email protected]

Associate Editor & Director of Marketing & Production Mary Taylor [email protected]

Arts and Entertainment Editor Frankie Kujawa [email protected]

Leather Editor Rodney Burger [email protected]

Contributing Writers for Baltimore OUTloud Andre Shakti • Bill Redmond-Palmer Brynn Devereau • Charles Dudley, MPT Chuck Duncan • David Egan David Placher • Dr. Eva Hersh MD Elyse Buchbinder • Frankie Kujawa Gregg Shapiro • Jabari Lyles Janan Broadbent, Ph. D. • Jeffrey Clagett Josh Buchbinder • Lauren Lynch • Lee Carpenter Linda A. Dominguez, Esq. • Mark S. King Mark Segal • Michael Ritmiller Rabbi Jan Dodi • Richard Finger • Rodney Burger Sage Piper • Steve Charing • Woody Derrick

Contributing Writers for OUT in the VALLEY Asher Kennedy • Brian George Hose Rev. Kelly Crenshaw • Rev. Robert Apgar-Taylor Zed Sykes

Graphics Ramon Montiel

Web Editor Adam Romanik Computer Solutions for Less

Photographers Corey Brent Eric Randolph

National Advertising Rep Rivendell Media 908-232-2021

Founders Jim Becker • Joe Berg • Mike Chase Lee Mooney (1959-2007) • Jim Williams

Baltimore OUTloud PO Box 4887 Baltimore, MD 21211 410-802-1310 Baltimoreoutloud.com

Additional Information Baltimore OUTloud is published every other Friday by Pride Media, Ltd. in Baltimore, Maryland. Readers comments and unsolicited materials are welcomed and may be sent to: [email protected]. All materials appearing in this newspaper are the property of Pride Media, Ltd. and may not be reproduced without the written permission of the editor.

The opinions expressed in Baltimore OUTloud are solely those of the writers unless otherwise indicated and do not necessarily reflect the views of Pride Media, Ltd., and the staff.

2 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com news // local ‘Visionary Art’ Museum Features Free Summer Outdoor Films By Rodney Burger can relax on the grassy hillside and enjoy On July 11th, the American Visionary Art a free film. (Unfortunately, on July 11th Museum (800 Key Highway, Baltimore) a thunderstorm was in the area, but the kicked off their popular summer film series show went on with a large crowd attending Flicks from the Hill on the third floor with a showing of of one of the mu- the sing- a-long seum buildings.) Sound of Music. Prior to each AVAM PR Man- screening the ager Helen Yuen museum is open was kind enough for free from 5 to to invite Baltimore 9 pm and addi- OUTloud to the tional events are Make a difference ... also held. This Flicks premiere We are seeking Maryland residents who party complete summer’s films with food, wine, include Mom- are interested in becoming a therapeutic and delicious beer mie Dearest on foster parent. from Troegs Inde- July 18th, Home pendent Brewing Cineastes dressed to kill at a recent American Alone on July If you have room in your heart and of Hershey, Penn- Visionary Art Museum free film night 25th, Coraline on sylvania. August 1st, The room in your home, call us today at AVAM, which opened in 1995, is a na- Addams Family on August 8th, Mrs. Doubt- 301-804-6109. tional museum and education center ded- fire on August 15th, and Black Panther on foundationscommunity.com icated to self-taught artist. On Thursdays August 25th. All films start at 9 pm. For Model representations of real patients are shown. Actual patients cannot be divulged due to HIPAA regulations. For in the summer movies are presented on a more information about this fun museum language assistance, disability accommodations and the non-discrimination notice, visit our website. 191229-1119 3/19 large screen on the side of the AVAM build- visit Avam.org. t ing facing Federal Hill Park. Movie goers

New B’more Schools Trans Student Policy

As students prepare to return to school, nonconformance to stereotypical notions new protections will be in place for trans- of masculinity and femininity.” gender and gender non-conforming stu- Students will be able to access re- dents. Earlier this year, the Baltimore City strooms and locker rooms that correspond Public Schools board of commissioners with their gender identity, and a “safe unanimously passed policy changes that non-stigmatizing alternative” will be pro- would allow those students to use the vided for those students who are uncom- names, pronouns, and facilities that align fortable using a gender-segregated facility. with their gender identity. The Center for Under no circumstances can a student be Disease Control and Prevention estimates required or directed to use a private re- that 2% of high school students identify as stroom. transgender. The policies now include definitions of With this action, Baltimore joined Fred- terms including agender, cisgender, gen- erick County in passing the most extensive der expression, gender fluid, gender iden- policies in Maryland protecting transgen- tity, non-binary, sexual orientation, trans- der and gender non-conforming students. gender and transition. While other districts say they follow the While schools are required to maintain state board of education’s recommenda- and enforce dress codes pursuant to dis- tions, only those two jurisdictions have a trict policy, students may dress in accor- specific, progressive policy in place. dance with their individual gender identity Students may now use the name and and gender expression. Dress codes for pronoun that reflects their gender identity, designated school events such as dances, even if they have not changed their legal graduations and other ceremonies shall be name. The policy expands prohibition of gender-neutral. Staff aren’t allowed to en- sex-based discrimination to include dis- force the dress code more strictly against crimination “based on gender identity, transgender or gender non-conforming gender expression, sexual orientation and —continued on page 4

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Select Chase Brexton Health Care patients deemed most in need may be eligible for digital breast cancer screenings through a mobile mammography van to be located at the Chase Brexton Mount Vernon Center on September 28th. The screenings are provided in partnership with Lackawan- na Mobile X-Ray and the Susan G. Komen Foundation. Breast cancer is the second most common cancer in women, and mammograms are capable of finding it up to three years before it can be felt. The Center for Disease Control recommends mammograms every two years for women age 50 and older who are at average risk for breast cancer. The staff of Chase Brexton encour- ages their patients to remember that early detection saves lives! Any patient who feels they may quality should contact their Chase Brexton provider or call 410-837- 2050 for more info. t news // local ANDRE SHAKTI Local news Maryland LGBT Chamber of Commerce; Baltimore’s LGBTQ community will be Jabari Lyles, LGBTQ liaison for the Bal- represented at the intersection of North —continued from page 3 timore mayor; Delegate Luke Clippinger; Avenue and Charles Street. You are en- Mimi Demissew, head of the Pride Center couraged to come with signs, chants and students. of Maryland; and Dr. Leah Cox, who heads noise to ensure our community’s concerns Students will be permitted to participate the inclusion effort at Towson University. and experiences are included in the image in interscholastic athletics and physical The event is free to the public, but and the anti-violence plan for Baltimore. education classed in a manner consistent there is a suggested donation of $35. For For more info, visit the Facebook event Sex, with their gender identity, however those more info, visit the Facebook event page at page at Bit.ly/2Zlb6Dd. t who participate interscholastic athletics Bit.ly/2Ytc13a. t Intimacy and must still meet the Maryland state eligibil- Relationship Coaching ity standards. Disclosing information on a for Every Body student’s transgender status, medical his- Sex Worker tory or sex assigned at birth to teammates, Baltimore’s Kings or staff or students of other schools will be prohibited without the student’s consent. Fundraiser The policy also sets out detailed griev- and Queens of Pride • Culturally Competent ance processes for students to file com- Much fun will be had on Friday, August • Accessible plaints against other students, staff or third in Review 9th, at an entertainment fundraiser for the party that ensure fair and where request- Baltimore Sex Workers Outreach Project • Emotionally Intuitive ed, confidential investigations. Event Hostess Shawnna Alexander invites (SWOP), with doors opening at 8:30 pm at “Of all of the great things I’ve been able you to join her on Sunday, August 11th from Metro Gallery (1700 North Charles Street, to be a part of, this is possibly the thing 8 to 11 pm at the Rowan Tree (1633 South Baltimore). I’m most proud of,” said Jabari Lyles, ex- Charles Street, Baltimore), for Baltimore’s The Sex Workers Outreach Project is Cell: 856-906-0526 ecutive director of GLSEN Maryland, and Kings and Queens of Pride in Review. The a national social justice network dedicat- (text or call) the Baltimore mayor’s LGBTQ liaison. “In event will serve as a fundraiser for the Lady ed to the rights of people involved in the a city where much seems to go wrong, we sex trade and their communities, focusing IAmPoly.net/Coaching were able to get something right. Baltimore on ending violence and stigma through for More Information has joined Frederick County in taking the education and advocacy. On the nation- lead on ensuring school is a safe, support- al level, SWOP helps with technical as- ive place for all students, which includes sistance, funding, and direct support. On LGBTQ students. Hopefully this policy will the local level, their chapters address vio- contribute to momentum across the state lence faced by individuals in the sex trade. to enact similar regulations.” t SWOP works to change attitudes, change policies, and create alternative communi- Lisa Memorial Drag Stage at Baltimore ty-led systems of support. To learn more, Pride. For more info visit the Facebook visit Facebook.com/SWOPBaltimore, or Baltimore Men’s event page at Bit.ly/2MqPO3o. t Baltimore.swopusa.org. Event entertainment will include performances by the Fun Boys, Ten Million Spi- Chorus Livestream ders, and Pluot; a DJ set by Dizzygoticc; and tarot readings by Tyler Vile. Fundraiser LGBTQ ‘Hands All ages are welcome. Tickets are $10 and are available at Bit.ly/2GB6TE6. For Join the Baltimore Men’s Chorus on Sun- Across Baltimore’ more info visit the Facebook event page at day, August 4th as they wrap up their “35 Bit.ly/310L7RW. t for the 35th” fundraising campaign, cele- Baltimore has seen over 300 homicides – compiled by Bill Redmond-Palmer brating 35 years of music with a Facebook each year for the past four years. This year livestream event, from 6 to 9 pm at Hotel there have already been over 200 record- Indigo (24 West Franklin Street, Baltimore). ed homicides. This epidemic affects all of The event will feature performances by the Baltimore and the LGBTQ community is no chorus, and include musical performances exception. Violence affects our community Hearts and Ears Inc. from several featured soloists and duos. in multiple ways including the murders of LGBTQIA+ Wellness & Recovery Center The event will feature special guests black and brown trans women and youth including: Tom Koerber, president of the suicide from bullying and family rejection. Hands Across Baltimore is a public Hearts & Ears, Inc. is a non-profit organization for Gay, awareness action to call attention to vio- Lesbian, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersex and lence and promote unity in Baltimore. On August 3rd, from 6 to 7 pm, Baltimore Questioning, and Gender Non-Conforming individuals Ceasefire and Hug Don’t Shoot will spon- with behavioral health issues and concerns. sor Hands Across Baltimore, an event based on the 1986 Hands Across America event. The event will provide an opportu- 611 Park Avenue Suite A, Baltimore, Maryland 21201 • 410-523-1694 nity for residents to join hands from Hilton [email protected] • heartsandears.org Street to Milton Street along North Avenue. 4 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com beyond the beltway compiled by Jim Becker 100% protective (untransmittable). “PrEP in tandem with a spike in anti-LGBTQ vi- Rep. Anthony G. Brown (D-MD), vice chair It’s official: use among gay & bi men is 99% effective. olence across the country. The amount of of the Armed Services Committee, tweet- These changes finally remove the confu- reported hate crimes rose by 17 percent ed about trans service members “We need CDC says sion between most of our prevention ad last year, the third consecutive year show- their skills. We need their courage. We campaigns and the CDC’s website (where casing an uptick, according to FBI data. need their patriotism. And they need our undetectable they had been using older, more conserva- LGBTQ discrimination was the third-larg- support in this fight for the right to fight.” tive estimates).” (Seattle Gay News – Mike est driver of these violations. (Philadelphia On July 24th, the House unanimously means not Andrew at Sgn.org/sgnnews47_30/page3. Gay News – Laura Smythe at Epgn.com/ approved of HR 3299, the Promoting Re- cfm) news/national/14896-survey-finds-young- spect for Individuals’ Dignity and Equality transmittable er-generations-have-rising-discomfort-to- (PRIDE) Act of 2019, introduced by Rep- ward-lgbtq-people) resentatives Judy Chu (CA-27) and Andy Atlanta – “For HIV-positive MSM [men 18-to-34-year- Levin (MI-09). The bill would remove who have sex with men], taking ART [an- gendered language like “husband” and tiretroviral therapy] regularly greatly reduc- olds are more “wife” from the tax code to accommodate es the risk of HIV transmission to a nega- same-sex couples. Instead, tax filings tive partner. For persons who achieve and uncomfortable House votes will use words like “spouse” and “married maintain viral suppression, there is effec- couple.” The PRIDE Act also corrects the tively no risk of transmitting HIV to their with LGBTQ against trans tax code to allow same-sex couples who HIV-negative sexual partner,” the Centers married before the Defense of Marriage for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) people military ban, Act (DOMA) was struck down to claim the now says. “This translates to an effec- refunds to which they are entitled. (Seattle tiveness estimate of 100% for taking ART Washington, DC – While the amount passes PRIDE Gay News – Mike Andrew at Sgn.org/sgn- regularly as prescribed and achieving and of non-LGBTQ adults “very” or “somewhat” news47_28/page3.cfm) comfortable with the gay community has Act stabilized after a large dip last year, more Americans ages 18-34 are less comfort- Washington, DC – The US House able with queer people, a new study found. of Representatives voted on July 11th to Ross Perot The fifth-annual Accelerating Acceptance overturn Donald Trump’s ban on transgen- Index, a national survey of 1,970 US der people serving in the military. The vote donation saved adults’ attitudes toward LGBTQ people, was 242 to 187, with 10 Republicans join- was released June 24th. It was run by the ing Democrats to pass the measure. Rep. Dallas center for Harris Poll alongside LGBTQ advocacy or- Jackie Speier (D-CA) introduced the rever- ganization GLAAD. Responses were gath- sal as an amendment to the National De- HIV patients maintaining viral suppression. Effective- ered online Jan. 8-11. The number of “al- fense Authorization Act (NDAA), a must- ness is lower, and there is a risk of trans- lies” – those who indicated being “very” or pass piece of legislation that funds the Dallas – Texas billionaire H. Ross mitting HIV, when persons do not take ART “somewhat” comfortable with these plots – military. Speier is chair of the Military Per- Perot and former independent candidate as prescribed or stop taking ART, if viral remained at 49 percent, the same as the sonnel Subcommittee of the House Armed for president of the United States, who suppression is not achieved, or if viral sup- prior year. But the response dropped from Services Committee. The full committee is died last week at pression is not maintained.” 53 percent in 2017. Thirteen percent were chaired by Rep. Adam Smith (D-WA). 89, once made a The CDC also revised its estimates marked as “resisters,” with resolute dis- Speier’s amendment stipulates that donation that saved of the effectiveness of pre-exposure pro- comfort reported across all scenarios. any person who meets gender-neutral a Dallas center sup- phylaxis (PrEP). According to its latest But Millennials and “Gen Z”, ages 18- occupational standards can serve in the porting people with estimate, PrEP reduces the risk of HIV 34, demonstrated a significant decline in military regardless of race, color, nation- AIDS. What follows infection by 99%, with consistent use at support for LGBTQ communities, dropping al origin, religion, or sex, including gender is a first person, least four times per week. “While daily use to 45 percent from 53 percent the year be- identity or sexual orientation. “Over the slightly abridged, is recommended in the US, taking PrEP fore. Women in this demographic contrib- last three years, 14,000 transgender ser- account by Dallas consistently (at least four times per week) ute the most to the erosion, with comfort vice members have served openly and Voice writer David appears to provide similar levels of protec- levels falling to 52 percent from 64 percent. successfully,” Speier said. She represents Taffet. “I met Perot tion among MSM. The effectiveness of oral Young people were most uncomfortable a California district that includes the south- Ross Perot soon after moving PrEP is highly dependent on PrEP adher- with three personal situations: “learning a western portion of San Francisco and the to Dallas 40 years ence,” the CDC now says. For HIV-nega- family member is LGBT,” “learning my doc- northern portion of San Mateo County, ago. I had been transferred to Dallas from tive individuals on PrEP, HIV infection is tor is LGBT,” and “learning my child had bordering Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s district. New York by the Custom Shop to manage extremely rare and was not observed in a lesson on LGBT history in their school.” a store in NorthPark Center. Our store sold any of the new studies cited by the CDC Sarah Kate Ellis, GLAAD president, shirts and Perot was a regular customer. in its update. attributed the rift among young folks to He’d come in once or twice a year to buy a HIV activists hailed the long-awaited current events in a statement. “The sharp dozen white shirts. update to the CDC’s HIV guidelines. “Huge and quick rise in divisive rhetoric both About 15 years later, we were in the victory, folks,” activist Peter Staley, a treat- in politics and in culture is now having a middle of the AIDS crisis, and I was on ment activist, said. “The CDC finally updat- negative influence on younger Americans the board of the Foundation for Human ed its page on risk levels of getting HIV, us- and coinciding with an alarming pattern of Understanding, the ridiculously-named or- ing stats that reflect what the science and anti-LGBTQ violence and discrimination,” ganization that is now known as Resource the real world are telling us. Having an un- she said. The documented descent of Center. John Thomas was the executive detectable viral load (U=U) is considered comfortability with LGBTQ people comes —continued on page 10

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Important Facts About DOVATO Tell your healthcare provider about all the medicines you take, including prescription This is only a brief summary of important information about DOVATO and does not and over-the-counter medicines, vitamins, and herbal supplements. replace talking to your healthcare provider about your condition and treatment. Some medicines interact with DOVATO. Keep a list of your medicines and show it to your healthcare provider and pharmacist when you get a new medicine. What is the Most Important Information I Should Know about DOVATO? • You can ask your healthcare provider or pharmacist for a list of medicines that interact If you have both human immunodefi ciency virus-1 (HIV-1) and hepatitis B virus with DOVATO. (HBV) infection, DOVATO can cause serious side effects, including: • • Resistant HBV infection. Your healthcare provider will test you for HBV infection before Do not start taking a new medicine without telling your healthcare provider. you start treatment with DOVATO. If you have HIV-1 and hepatitis B, the hepatitis B virus can Your healthcare provider can tell you if it is safe to take DOVATO with other medicines. change (mutate) during your treatment with DOVATO and become harder to treat (resistant). What are Possible Side Effects of DOVATO? It is not known if DOVATO is safe and effective in people who have HIV-1 and HBV infection. DOVATO can cause serious side effects, including: • • Worsening of HBV infection. If you have HIV-1 and HBV infection, your HBV may get Those in the “What is the Most Important Information I Should Know about worse (fl are-up) if you stop taking DOVATO. A “fl are-up” is when your HBV infection suddenly DOVATO?” section. • returns in a worse way than before. Worsening liver disease can be serious and may lead Allergic reactions. Call your healthcare provider right away if you develop a to death. rash with DOVATO. Stop taking DOVATO and get medical help right away if you develop a rash with any of the following signs or symptoms: fever; generally ° Do not run out of DOVATO. Refi ll your prescription or talk to your healthcare provider before ill feeling; tiredness; muscle or joint aches; blisters or sores in mouth; blisters or peeling of your DOVATO is all gone. the skin; redness or swelling of the eyes; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue; ° Do not stop DOVATO without fi rst talking to your healthcare provider. If you problems breathing. stop taking DOVATO, your healthcare provider will need to check your health often and do • Liver problems. People with a history of hepatitis B or C virus may have an increased blood tests regularly for several months to check your liver. risk of developing new or worsening changes in certain liver tests during treatment with What is DOVATO? DOVATO. Liver problems, including liver failure, have also happened in people without a DOVATO is a prescription medicine that is used without other antiretroviral medicines to treat HIV-1 history of liver disease or other risk factors. Your healthcare provider may do blood tests to infection in adults: who have not received antiretroviral medicines in the past, and without known check your liver. resistance to the medicines dolutegravir or lamivudine. HIV-1 is the virus that causes Acquired Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get any of the following signs Immune Defi ciency Syndrome (AIDS). It is not known if DOVATO is safe and effective in children. or symptoms of liver problems: your skin or the white part of your eyes turns yellow Who should not take DOVATO? (jaundice); dark or “tea-colored” urine; light-colored stools (bowel movements); nausea or Do Not Take DOVATO if You: vomiting; loss of appetite; and/or pain, aching, or tenderness on the right side of your • have ever had an allergic reaction to a medicine that contains dolutegravir or lamivudine. stomach area. • take dofetilide. • Too much lactic acid in your blood (lactic acidosis). Lactic acidosis is a serious What should I tell my healthcare provider before using DOVATO? medical emergency that can lead to death. Tell your healthcare provider right away T:9.5” Tell your healthcare provider about all of your medical conditions, including if you: if you get any of the following symptoms that could be signs of lactic acidosis: • have or have had liver problems, including hepatitis B or C infection. feel very weak or tired; unusual (not normal) muscle pain; trouble breathing; stomach pain • have kidney problems. with nausea and vomiting; feel cold, especially in your arms and legs; feel dizzy or • are pregnant or plan to become pregnant. One of the medicines in DOVATO (dolutegravir) may lightheaded; and/or a fast or irregular heartbeat.

harm your unborn baby. • Lactic acidosis can also lead to severe liver problems, which can lead to death. Your liver may become large (hepatomegaly) and you may develop fat in your liver (steatosis). ° You should not take DOVATO if you are planning to become pregnant or during the ﬁ rst 12 weeks of pregnancy. Your healthcare provider may prescribe a different Tell your healthcare provider right away if you get any of the signs or symptoms medicine if you are planning to become pregnant or become pregnant during treatment of liver problems which are listed above under “Liver problems.” You may be with DOVATO. more likely to get lactic acidosis or severe liver problems if you are female or very overweight (obese). ° If you can become pregnant, your healthcare provider will perform a pregnancy test before you start treatment with DOVATO. ° If you can become pregnant, you should consistently use effective birth control (contraception) during treatment with DOVATO. ° Tell your healthcare provider right away if you are planning to become pregnant, you become pregnant, or think you may be pregnant during treatment with DOVATO. • are breastfeeding or plan to breastfeed. Do not breastfeed if you take DOVATO. ° You should not breastfeed if you have HIV-1 because of the risk of passing HIV-1 to your baby. ° One of the medicines in DOVATO (lamivudine) passes into your breastmilk. ° Talk with your healthcare provider about the best way to feed your baby.

Learn more about Alphonso and DOVATO at DOVATO.com

6 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com

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ViiVHCcmyk.ai OPDP Updates ViiVConnect Lock Up DTP (ENG) Print (Horizontal)_CMYK.ai DOVATO_PRINTAD_QR_CMYK.ai DOV_03_ALPHONSOCollageADVT180001_NewsM01_V1_L.psd 300 ppi CMYK D3 Dovato US Logo CMYK.ai Dovato_Icon_V4_Schedule_SW.ai Dovato_Icon_V4_YingYang_SW.ai

Please contact I. WAUGH at 212.886.4100 with any questions regarding these materials. This advertisement was prepared by Havas Worldwide NY at 200 Hudson Street, New York, NY 10013. M02 - Right Hand Page

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SO MUCH GOES INTO WHO I AM HIV MEDICINE IS ONE PART OF IT.

Reasons to ask your doctor about DOVATO: DOVATO can help you reach and then stay undetectable* with just 2 medicines in 1 pill. That means fewer medicines† in your body while taking DOVATO You can take it any time of day with or without food (around the same time each day)—giving you ﬂ exibility DOVATO is a once-a-day complete treatment for adults who are new to HIV-1 medicine.

Results may vary. *Undetectable means reducing the HIV in your blood ALPHONSO‡ to very low levels (less than 50 copies per mL). † As compared with 3-drug regimens. Living with HIV T:9.5”

What are Possible Side Effects of DOVATO (cont’d)? • Changes in your immune system (Immune Reconstitution Syndrome) can happen when you start taking HIV-1 medicines. Your immune system may get stronger and begin to ﬁ ght infections that have been hidden in your body for a long time. Tell your healthcare provider right away if you start having new symptoms after you start taking DOVATO. • The most common side effects of DOVATO include: headache; diarrhea; nausea; trouble sleeping; and tiredness. These are not all the possible side effects of DOVATO. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects. You are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit www.fda.gov/medwatch, or call 1-800-FDA-1088. Where Can I Find More Information? • Talk to your healthcare provider or pharmacist. • Go to DOVATO.com or call 1-877-844-8872, where you can also get FDA-approved labeling. Trademark is owned by or licensed to the ViiV Healthcare group of companies. ‡Compensated by ViiV Healthcare Could DOVATO be right for you? Ask your doctor today.

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 7

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8 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com VoiceVoice ofof thethe CenterCenter Please join The Pride Center of Mary- land for our Septembers Civic Engage- The Pride Center of Maryland Calendar of ment Series. Events Septembers guest is Police Commis- sioner Michael Harrison. Commissioner Harrison will take questions from partic- Friday, August 2 ipants on his role and vision for the city Giovanni’s Room Open Mic 7:00-10: 00pm (MA)Marijuana Anonymous 7:00pm and BPDs role in serving the Baltimore Saturday, August 3 Community. (AA)Alcoholics Anonymous - 6:00pm The Civic Engagement Series provides Sunday, August 4 (NA)Narcotics Anonymous - 11am Baltimore community members with the Gentle Mindful Yoga 3:30pm opportunity to engage with civic leaders Monday, August 5th on areas of: public safety, politics, eco- Elder Coffee- 12pm Tuesday, August 6 nomic development, and other social in- Free & Confidential Testing - 2 - 5pm terest topics. Poetry Workshop - 6:30pm SILhouette- 7:30pm Wednesday, August 7 Schedule of events: HIV/STI Testing with STAR TRACK - 6:30pm (SCA)Sexual Compulsives Anonymous - 7:00pm Refreshments- 5pm The Mankind Project - 7:00pm Discussion and Q&A- 6pm to 7pm Trans Baltimore - 7:00pm Thursday, August 8 Free & Confidential Testing - 2 - 5pm Family Game - 6:30pm Sistahs of Pride - 7:00pm Friday, August 9 Breaking Bread Project - 6:30pm (MA) Marijuana Anonymous 7:00pm Saturday, August 10 (AA)Alcoholics Anonymous - 6:00pm Sunday, August 11 (NA)Narcotics Anonymous - 11am Gentle Mindful Yoga 3:30pm Tuesday, August 13 Free Legal Clinic with MLVS - 1pm Conversation for a Cause Free & Confidential Testing - 2 pm Health and Workshop 5-pm Join the Pride Center of Maryland and FreeState Civic Engagement Maggie McIntosh, Justice, Maryland’s LGBTQ advocacy organiza- Maryland State Delegate- 6:00pm tion for a conversation about issues facing the Wednesday, August 14 LGBTQ community in the state and help set the (SCA)Sexual Compulsives Anonymous - 7:00pm The Mankind Project - 7:00pm 2020 policy agenda. August 15, 2019, 6-7 pm. Trans Baltimore - 7:00pm Thursday, August 15 What LGBTQ issues in Maryland do you care Free & Confidential Testing - 2 - 5pm about? Your input will inform FreeState’s agenda Conversation For A Cause With FreeState Justice - 6:00pm in the coming years. Come share what’s a priority Youth Against Oppression - 4:40pm for you. Friday, August 16 (MA) Marijuana Anonymous 7:00pm Lend your voice, inform the agenda, get involved!

Refreshments will be served

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 9 beyond the beltway

—continued from page 5 by occupants of the highest office in the part of the United Kingdom, it is internally mother Candido stabbed her son Rhuan a director, and we often made financial de- country as well as the lowest depths of ha- self-governing, and its own parliament has dozen times. The child was killed and mu- cisions based on what we had to do rather tred and bigotry, it is noteworthy that the turned down the marriage equality bills that tilated at their home in Samambaia, about than on what we had money to do. One National Association for the Advancement have been regularly introduced there. 20 miles from the capital Brasilia. week, we didn’t have money for payroll McGinn, who is from Northern Ireland After committing the grisly murder, and or bills. The money just wasn’t there. We and is a veteran advocate for LGBT rights, stabbing him a dozen times, the pair re- were about $30,000 short. Thomas got in took advantage of a commonplace adminis- portedly botched the attempt to hide the touch with Perot through Mort Meyerson’s trative bill to add same-sex marriage rights body. They bungled burning some of him son. Meyerson was president of Electronic and reproductive choice to the laws govern- on a barbecue, so stuffed some of his re- Data Systems [Perot founded the compa- ing Northern Ireland. In his speech from the mains in a suitcase and dumped them in ny and sold it to General Motors] and his floor, McGinn told Parliament that they had a sewer, according to police. Other body son, who was gay, wasn’t living in Dallas at “failed LGBT people in Northern Ireland be- parts were hidden in two backpacks at the the time, but had been a Resource Center fore” by not extending rights in a timely way. supporter. Perot made a donation that cov- “Tonight,” he continued, “we have the chance ered the bills. He asked one thing – that to do the right thing. People in Northern Ire- we not credit him. It wasn’t “a gay thing” land, and indeed across Britain and Ireland, that he wanted kept out of the news. He of Colored People is taking meaningful are watching. I, for one, am not going to let just didn’t want the additional phone calls steps toward intersectional social justice. them down. I hope colleagues do not let them that news of any donation brought. He told Too many people think that the gains made down either.” Thomas he had heard about the work Re- by the white lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans- Speaking after the vote, director of the source Center and supported it. gender, and queer community are erod- Rainbow Project and member of the Love The donation Perot made to Resource ing civil protections for Black people, and Equality campaign John O’Doherty said: “We Center is in line with the Ross Perot I met. these people miss the fact that as long as would like to express our gratitude to Conor As my customer in my store at NorthPark, there have been Black people, there have McGinn and Robert Hayward for their efforts he was easy to work with. He was always been Black LGBTQ and same-gender-lov- in progressing marriage equality through Brutally murdered cordial and polite. And from my experience ing (SGL) people.” Westminster – helping to end second-class at Resource Center, he was generous. (Dal- During the convention, the organiza- citizenship for LGBT people in Northern Ire- couple’s home. They have both confessed las Voice – David Taffet at Dallasvoice.com/ tion held an LGBTQ town hall entitled “The land. The Northern Irish government has to the killing and face homicide, torture the-day-ross-perot-saved-resource-center) State of LGBTQ People of Color in Amer- been deadlocked between Unionist and Na- and concealing a corpse charges. ica.” The townhall addressed a variety of tionalist factions for the past two years. Con- The mother ran away with the boy af- topics including “Effective Strategies for sequently, all administrative laws have revert- ter her father, who lives in Acre, near Peru, LGBTQ Activism,” “Acceptance and Inclu- ed to the British parliament. Sinn Fein, the lost custody five years ago. She then went NAACP approves sion.” “Representation in the Workplace, leading Nationalist party in Northern Ireland, to live with Pessoa and her daughter, who, Congress and Media,” and “the LGBTQ has supported marriage equality and repro- now aged nine, has been put into care. She three pro-LGBT Power in the Area of Voting Rights.” (Se- ductive choice, in spite of being considered a reportedly claimed the lad was a “burden” attle Gay News at Sgn.org/sgnnews47_30/ “Catholic” party, while the Democratic Unionist and a hindrance to her relationship with resolutions page11.cfm & Dallas Voice at Dallasvoice. Party has opposed both. (Seattle Gay News Pessoa. She also “felt hatred and no love” com/naacp-to-host-lgbtq-town-hall-during- – Mike Andrew at Sgn.org/sgnnews47_28/ for him because he reminded her of father, Detroit – On July 23rd, the National 110th-convention) page4.cfm) who allegedly abused her. Police chief Association for the Advancement of Col- Guilherme Melo said that the cruelty of the ored People (NAACP), the nation’s oldest crime had shocked hardened investigators. civil rights organization, voted unanimous- “She killed her son, quartered, decapitated, ly on three pro-LGBTQ resolutions with UK extends Brazilian plucked the skin and tried to get rid of the far-reaching impact on its 2,000-plus units/ body. It was a very terrible case,” he told chapters across the country. The NAACP gay marriage lesbian couple O Tempo. t (Daily Mail – Luke Andrews was a champion for marriage equality and at dailymail.co.uk/news/article-7146517/ remains a strong advocate for the Equality to Northern mutilate, behead Brazilian-mother-27-lesbian-lover-28-tore- Act. It is now taking action to do deeper nine-year-old-sons-penis.html) work with its units and chapters to invoke Ireland nine-year-old change locally. The resolutions marked the next chap- London – Britain’s parliament voted on son These news notes have been compiled, ter in the NAACP’s support of our commu- July 9th to extend marriage equality to North- with permission, from the online version nity: ending murders and violence against ern Ireland [Editor’s note by JB: I prefer to Samambaia, Brazil – The Daily Mail of various newspapers and other web transgender women and supporting the call it Occupied Ireland]. The count was a reports that a Brazilian mother and her sites. We thank these publications for landslide 383 to 73, with 194 members ab- transgender community, prevention and lesbian lover are accused of ripping off allowing us to bring you their news sto- sent or abstaining. The marriage bill was in- earlier detection of HIV, and inclusion of her nine-year-old son’s penis before be- ries. Usually the reports have been sig- LGBTQ diversity and sensitivity training troduced by a Labor member, Conor McGinn, heading him because he reminded her of nificantly edited and you can read the for units/chapters. David Johns, executive and allowed to proceed as a “free vote” – in her dad. Rosana Candido, 27, and Kacyla full story by going to the web site men- director of the National Black Justice Co- other words, one where the members were Pessoa, 28, also allegedly sewed a fake tioned following the item. Comments alition said, “Anyone who purports to care not bound to vote their party’s line. The Tory female sex organ onto the body because are strictly the opinions of Jim Becker about the well-being of Black people must government headed by Theresa May said he “wanted to be a girl” before scraping and not of Baltimore OUTloud or Pride care about all of us all of the time. At a it would honor Parliament’s vote despite its the boy’s skin off his face. They also tried Media. time when our community is under attack own misgivings. While Northern Ireland is to gouge out his eyes using a knife after

10 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com quality of life // Health and Wellness

such as cuts, scrapes, burns, insect bites, in 63 – of dying from the flu than from a For every person killed by a shark and puncture wounds. People also can shark bite. (Still, lots of people won’t get a each year (about five worldwide), people get these infections from eating raw oys- shot to prevent the flu!) kill over two million sharks. That’s over ters contaminated with bacteria. Strange- One in five Americans dies of heart dis- 20,000 sharks killed every hour, over 300 Open Wide ly, these infections also can occur after ease, one in 24 from a stroke, one in every minute. Most ask Dr Eva a fall, muscle strain, or other injury that 84 in of them are killed Dr Eva Hersh does not break the skin. The just for their fins, early signs of infection are a to make shark’s- spreading area of tenderness, fin soup. The fins Summer loss of sensation, swelling or are cut off and the Fears redness in or below the skin, shark is thrown Dear Dr. Eva, even if there is no obvious back into the What do you think about the break in the ocean to bleed safety of swimming at the beach Let’s talk skin. Necrotiz- to death. Clearly these days? Between the flesh-eating infections we are a much ing bacteria and the sharks, should flesh-eating most often oc- bigger danger we just sun on the beach and only cur on the legs to sharks than swim in a pool? bacteria and or arms, but sharks are to us. Worried can occur in any So overall, if sharks part of the body. you are not too Dear Worried, These infections frightened to Please keep in mind that events make can be treated with antibiotics We hurt them far more get into a car to go out the news because they are unusual. Al- if diagnosed early. The infection a car accident. As rare than they hurt us! to dinner or visit a friend, though terrifying, both human shark bites develops very fast, often within hours. Sur- as it is to be killed by lightning (one you shouldn’t worry and “flesh eating bacteria” infections are gery often is needed to remove infected in 80,000 people) it is still 50 times about the far smaller risk very unusual. skin and connective tissues. more likely than death from shark bite. You of a shark bite. t 1) Flesh-eating bacteria – The med- Steps you can take to further lower the are eleven times more likely to die from Dr. Eva Hersh is a family physician. ical name for these rare infections is nec- small risk of getting a necrotizing infection fireworks (one in 341,000) than from shark Send your comments and questions to her rotizing soft tissue infection, or NSTI. The from seawater: bite, but fireworks are still easily available. by email at editor@ baltimoreoutloud.com. term necrotizing comes from necrosis, • Avoid contact with ocean or bay wa- which means death of an area of body tis- ter if you have open cuts, a rash, or any sue. Soft tissue means skin and the areas breaks in your skin Saturday August 03 just below the skin: fat, muscle, and con- • Avoid walking barefoot near the wa- Ladies Night at Mixers Bar! nective tissues (tendons and ligaments). ter: sand is abrasive and you can easily Hosted by DJ Rosie. 10 PM–1:45 AM Another medical term for these infections get small cuts from shells and pebbles is necrotizing fasciitis, which refers to de- • Rinse off in fresh water after swim- struction of the fascia, the connective tis- ming, sitting or wading in seawater sue sheaths that cover muscles. • Wash your hands and arms well after Even though there may have been fishing or touching raw seafood more episodes of necrotizing infections • Do not eat raw oysters than usual this year, there are still only two • If you do get seawater into a cut or cases per million people per year in the abrasion, wash the area well with soap US, or one in 500,000. I have seen just one and water. Check the area every couple of case in my 30-year career; many doctors hours for the next day or two. Get immedi- Friday, August 2 will never see one. ate medical attention if there is an increas- Friday August 16, The visible tissue damage is what ing area of tenderness, numbness, swell- 9p.m. - 12a.m. #KIKI No cover. makes necrotizing infections so fright- ing or redness. It’s important to know that Shawnna's Chicken Box: Starts @10p.m ening. All deadly infections cause tissue if the infection is mainly below the skin, A SILLY SHOW Jell-O shots served damage, but it usually happens inside the the skin may look normal but the area can by Ms Behavin. body where it can’t be seen. If the dam- be tender to touch or numb (no sensation aged lungs of a person dying from pneu- when touched). monia could be seen, it would be just as • Healthy people of any age can get disturbing. Pneumonia is much more com- necrotizing infections, but those with mon than necrotizing infections – every weaker immune systems are at greater primary care practitioner will have patients risk. This includes infants and toddlers, the who die of pneumonia – but it is much less elderly, and people with chronic diseases feared. such as diabetes, liver disease, and poor Necrotizing infections are caused by circulation. bacteria that normally live in seawater. 2) Sharks – On average, there are 19 Two of the commonest are group A strepto- shark attacks per year in the US, with one coccus (GAS) and Vibrio vulnificus. Often, death from shark bite every two years. 60376037 BelairBelair Road.Road. Baltimore,Baltimore, MDMD 2120621206 several different types of bacteria are pres- The odds of getting attacked and killed 443-885-9799 · Facebook: @mixersbar ent. Infections develop after bacteria enter by a shark are one in four million. 443-885-9799 · Facebook: @mixersbar the bloodstream through breaks in the skin There is a much greater chance – one BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 11 quality of life // Health and Wellness

words, an involvement. Setting aside the legal part, how can one be involved and Brushing Up on Dental also protecting #1 at the same time? An Ask oxymoron? A cruel twist by nature? This is where that exquisite muscle that Health for LGBT Elders Dr. J we have comes into play: The awesome, Janan Broadbent, Ph.D. always-ready-at-the-job brain. The emo- By Aaron Cahall adult’s dental health, these are the three tional need to connect and the biological Chase Brexton Health Care biggest issues: need to survive can cooperate towards a Dental care isn’t just about keeping your Dry mouth – Many older adults are on path of compromise. I don’t like spicy food teeth sparking and healthy – oral hygiene multiple medications through their lives. Self-Interest but this time, I will go to that Thai place can have a major impact on an elder’s over- Hundreds of medications have xerostomia with you and then we can try my fave, the all health and quality of life. (dry mouth) listed as a side effect, but dry in Relationships French bistro the next time. You are good You can brush up on these topics and mouth also can occur in the absence of with finances; you handle all of that and much more at the next Lunch and Learn medications as well. One of the effects of For each of us as individuals, self-interest I will take on our social life and commit- event, hosted by the LGBT Health Re- aging is that everything can start to dry up, is a central issue. The roots of this fact go ments. These kinds of working with one source Center of Chase Brexton Health including your mouth. The less saliva you to the need for survival. Back in another strengthen the bond Care on Thursday, August 8th from noon to create, the more at risk your teeth are to the old days of wild animals and If not for for when even more drastic life 1:30 pm in the community rooms at Chase developing cavities. Many over-the-count- a threatening and uncontrollable events may come up. Brexton’s Mount Vernon Center (1111 North er products are available to help relieve nature, the human brain had to me, who? If But then, there are those Charles Street, Baltimore). this symptom. provide the internal guidance to who insist on their way or the The program will be presented by Karyn just for me, Home care – Your ability to clean your be safe, so it was wired to watch highway. I just listened to some- Carr Porter RDH BS, supervisor of dental teeth at home will definitely impact your out for what would ensure one’s one whose partner would object hygiene for Chase Brexton Health Care. We what’s the dental health. If you have limited mobili- survival, at times at the expense to all suggestions by patronizing asked Karyn how oral health can affect old- ty or function of your arms / hands / fin- of others. point? comments as to how ridiculous er adults. gers due to pain or loss So how would this tenden- they were and then come up What happens to of function because cy work in a relationship? If each person with a preferred decision. You may ask: our teeth as we get of occurrences like looks out for his/hers truly, how does the Why would that relationship survive? Why older? relationship bloom? By definition, a rela- would anyone put up with this? Not want- Like everything a stroke, you may ing to be alone? Lack of self-confidence? else in our bodies, our not be able to prop- tionship is an emotional or other connec- Having been brought up to bully for one, teeth age as we age. erly and thoroughly tion between people, sometimes between and not been encouraged to speak up and Our teeth need just brush and floss your persons by blood or marriage. In other as much care as we teeth. Leaving food rock the boat for the other? Feeling too at- get older, sometimes and plaque to build tached to the partner? Of course, the ques- even more so. Tooth up in your mouth will tion arises as to whether one would label enamel can start to increase your risk of that “love”, and some do. It is not a healthy weaken over time, developing cavities situation if any connection, romantic or causing your risk to and could lead to tooth elders face? otherwise, does not enrich your life, makes develop cavities to loss from periodontal I think the number one challenge LGBT you feel bad about yourself and diminishes increase. Also, the disease (bone loss). elders may face when trying to achieve any joy in their presence. bone and gum tissue Access to care – oral health success is a lack of access to that supports your You can’t keep your care. I think there may still be a large num- “Do what you can to teeth can start to re- teeth healthy on your ber of dental providers with an aversion to cede, causing your own! You need to have providing treatment to our LGBT commu- reciprocate the loving teeth to become a dental home where nities. while you also take mobile, increasing you can have access How can dental health impact an both tooth sensitiv- to professional dental older adult’s quality of life? care of your own ity and cavity risk. care such as routine Poor oral health can lead to poor nu- trition, weight loss, pain, depression, low survival.” The more compro- Oral health maven – Karyn Carr dental cleanings with a self-esteem and a decrease in social lives. mised your teeth Porter, head of dental hygiene for dental hygienist, yearly become, the more Chase Brexton Health Care X-rays to check for cavi- If you aren’t happy with your teeth, it real- As individuals, we can use material likely you are to start ties, and dental examination and ly reflects in your day-to-day life. Quality means to buy conveniences, to seek ed- losing your teeth ei- treatment with the dentist to fix of life can be reduced, which can lead to ucation, to immerse ourselves in social ther by bone loss or tooth decay. Many ag- any cavities before they become too large. other health issues. The risk for heart at- activities, to be physically active, to widen ing adults may end up with broken down or Oral education is key to successful home tack and stroke is increased, as well as the our horizons of cultural samplings. What extracted teeth, which can lead to a change care! You will need to work together to inability to control diabetes. Your overall we cannot buy or provide for ourselves is in how you eat, how you feel about yourself, make sure you are doing everything you health can be affected by the amount of that emotional connection that feeds the t and your overall health. Proper dental home can for your teeth. Some aging adults will bad bacteria in your mouth. soul. If you have that, nurture it, savor it care and regular professional dental visits find it challenging to find a dental home To register for the upcoming Lunch & and do what you can to reciprocate the lov- are the key to keeping your teeth healthy due to lack of insurance, high costs, trans- Learn Session, RSVP to lgbt@chasebrex- ing while you also take care of your own throughout your lifespan. portation, fear/anxiety, or a lack of dental ton.org or call 410-837-2050 extension survival. Nature brings it to our door; we What factors can impact an older offices willing to accept state insurances 1049. For more on the LGBT Health Re- just have to learn to negotiate the winding adult’s dental health? or adult Medicaid or Medicare programs. source Center’s older adult programming, road. t Many factors can impact the older What particular challenges do LGBT visit ChaseBrexton.org/LGBTelders.

12 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com quality of life // Health and Wellness

Where & Prostatic Hypertrophy. BPH is generally tate, seeding it with radioactive beads, What is harmless, not being an issue typically until or maybe even some chemotherapy. For- The Prostate? the guy is in his 50s. Because of the growth tunately, due to modern technology, the it can sometimes cause difficulty with urina- removal (prostatectomy) is done with the The prostate is largely misunderstood and even the male “G spot,” and often gives tion. If you are a guy and you find yourself precision of a robot. This has allowed us to most of us take it for granted. September sexual pleasure when stimulated from the peeing in Morse Code then you may have spare the nerves around the prostate and is prostate awareness month so I figured I outside, i.e. the rectal wall. The prostate an enlarged prostate. Typically this is easily preserve as much of the bladder sphincter would write a little about it ahead of time can be stimulated from the inside but this handled by going in and debulking the pros- as possible. This is key to enabling men so you can properly prepare to celebrate would require urethral sounds and that tate to allow normal flow of urine. to stay dry after the surgery. Now keep this little nugget of fun. Where and what is guuuurl is another article! I will let those Difficulty peeing can also be caused by in mind that there is going to be some the prostate? A healthy prostate is the size of you who don’t know what sounding is prostatitis, an infection of one sort or an- swelling after the surgery, which is going of a walnut and sits just below the blad- to google it. I’ll wait for you to catch up. other causing the prostate to get inflamed to cause the sphincter to not work prop- der. When we look closely at where the Ready? Good. and swollen which again narrows down the erly for a short time, but with pelvic phys- prostate and the bladder meet we see that The prostate also has two other “hos- urethra. Sometimes there is pain with pros- ical therapy we can retrain the muscles to es” flowing into it each called the vas defer- tatitis but sometimes not. This is when your work again. Not dissimilar from getting the ens, which come from the testicles to carry doctor will take a sample of the prostate flu- quads to work again after an ACL repair sperm into the prostate, where the seminal id by milking the prostate then send it off for or knee replacement. The best scenario vesicles flood the area with a milky white testing to see if you have an infection. for recover is pre-hab. I have seen men in Mending fluid to help the sperm along their travel by The issue that gives a lot of men pause my office before their surgery so we can the giving them sugar for energy to swim as is prostate cancer. Most of the time pros- strengthen the pelvic floor muscles as well well as a low pH fluid to protect them tate cancer is slow growing, doesn’t ap- as the sphincters before they are injured Gap from the acidic urethra, out the pear in men until in their 60s and is from the surgery. Charles Dudley body, and into the acid- probably not going to be the cause So … if you are a guy and you are ic vagina, where they go on an of death. While yes, it is still can- headed toward getting a prostatectomy egg hunt … at least that is the cer, this type is usually well con- or a TURP then I am your guy! Lets meet the tissue for the lower bladder seamless- evolutionary design of things. tained in the prostate and doesn’t before you have the surgery so we can ly becomes the sphincter (valve) for the Some deviation to the flight path go anywhere else. This does not mean minimize your recovery time. I am having a bladder and then seamlessly transitions may occur. you are off the hook, though. Sometimes free workshop at Pride Center of Maryland into the tissue for the prostate. It is during So what can go wrong? The most com- prostate cancer appears at a younger age on Tuesday August 13th at 5 pm. Visit my sex that we use the prostate. It is consid- mon issue men have with the prostate is and is more aggressive. This is when your website, Dudleypt.com, to register/more ered by many to be an erogenous zone, or when it gets larger called BPH or Benign doctor will talk about removing the pros- information. t

When YOU need us, we take pride in being there. lifebridgehealth.org/lgbtq LifeBridge Health cares about our LGBTQ patients, families and staff.

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BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 13 19_LBH_0504_LGBTQ_OutLoud_Ad_Print.indd 1 6/3/19 8:52 AM quality of life // Health and Wellness

indicating when the person’s identity is in flux in some way – in many cases they’re work and dynamic stretching. The whole The In not correlative. routine should be no longer than ten to 20 and Cross-dressing is a fetish that typical- minutes. The warm-up should progress ly refers to heterosexual men who enjoy YouFit gradually in intensity to increase muscle Out dressing up in women’s clothing. Unfor- and core temperatures without causing fa- Andre Shakti tunately, there are a ton of common mis- Here tigue or reducing energy stores. conceptions about men who cross-dress The purpose of a warm-up is to in- floating around out there. Most commonly crease performance and lessen the risk we see the man’s sexual orientation and/or of injury: The purpose of starting with a Dear Andre, gender identity called into question (e.g., Workout with a short period of aerobic exercise, such I’m a happily married bisexual woman “He must be gay!” “He obviously isn’t at- as walking, jogging or cycling, is to in- in my late 40s and I consider myself to be tracted to women,” “He’s definitely trans- crease heart rate, blood flow, deep muscle very open-minded. My husband has al- gender.”). Sound familiar? In my opinion, Master Coach temperature, respiration rate, and perspi- ways identified as heterosexual (while be- these stereotypes are so pervasive be- ration and decrease the viscosity of joint ing very supportive of my bisexuality and cause our culture has its own fetish with Ever worked with a Master YouCoach? It’s fluids. Each of which increases perfor- my need for visibility), however recently elevating, rewarding, and placing exces- the cat’s pajamas. If you haven’t? Well, mance and lessens the risk of injury. he confided in me that he enjoys dress- sive value upon traditional masculinity. fear not – we spoke to Master YouCoach Anything else I should do? Yes! This ing up in women’s clothing. I have to claim One of the most dangerous things you can Janzen Fallgren, and he shared warm-up should be followed ignorance here; he says it’s not an iden- do as a man is to embrace femininity in with us some great insight about Job one: by self-myofascial release with tity thing, but I’m inclined to believe that any way, lest your masculinity be interro- the importance of a warm-up a foam roller on any overac- cross-dressing is a steppingstone to com- gated, and the quality of your life subse- before your workout. And, just Warm up tive muscles, then a period of ing out as queer. Am I just experiencing quently threatened. for good measure, he threw in dynamic stretching that takes wishful thinking here, wanting my husband Additionally, because transgender some great step-by-step instructions for your body through ranges of motion that to be a part of the LGBTQ community with women do sometimes cross-dress earlier a dynamic stretching routine to round-out will help better prepare you for your work- me? Or is this a case of him refusing to in life as a “steppingstone” to coming into that warm-up. out. It’s important to note that dynamic come all the way out of the closet? their authentic selves, we’re often quick Now, if you’ve ever wondered if you stretching is a form of active movement Amanda P. to assume that all cross-dressers intend even need a warm-up, well sorry to burst that isn’t about holding a stretch (this is on doing the same. As a bisexual wom- your bubble, but yes, you probably should. known as static stretching). If you have Dear Amanda, an, think about the stigma often lobbed at According to Janzen, “A warm-up is al- any overactive muscles present, foam roll- Let’s first begin with a quick overview those who identify as bi. Because so many most universally accepted as an integral ing can help to relax those muscles and of “sexual orientation” vs “gender identi- gay men and lesbians use the label of “bi- part of any workout prescribed by fitness help you perform exercises with better ty” vs “fetish”. Sexual orientation refers sexual” early in their coming out process professionals. If you are new to exercis- form and more comfort. This again goes to who you are attracted to (straight, gay, (often to provide a “softer” coming out to ing, you may not understand the impor- back to increasing performance and less- bisexual, queer). Gender iden- close friends and family who may disap- tance of warming up or what to do. Even ening the risk of injury. tity refers to, well, which prove), the if you’re not new Give me a real example to follow! gender(s) you identify as legitimacy of and understand We’re glad you asked: (cisgender, transgender, bisexuality as that warming up Warm-up: non-binary, male, female, its own stand- is important, you • Start by performing 5 minutes sea witch). A fetish is de- alone identi- may still have of slow aerobic activity. For example, fined as being a form of ty has always questions about a walking or jogging on the treadmill sexual desire in which been under at- warm-up routine.” would work. gratification is linked to tack. If you can Janzen says • Performing any self-myofascial an excessive degree to bring some of that the ones he release on overactive muscles present a particular object, item that perspective hears most are: • Dynamic stretching routine (see of clothing, part of the into the situation What should I do? below) body, etc. The gratifica- with your hus- For how long? Why Dynamic stretching routine: tion in question could band, you’ll be is it necessary? If credit: • Walking knee to chest: 1-2 sets jessicalophoto be explicitly sexual, but better equipped you have any of those questions, of 20 (10 each leg) it could also mean that to understand fear not – by the end of this blog, • Leg swings: 1-2 sets of 20 (10 the individual engages him empathet- these questions will be answered each leg front to back and side to in the fetish because it’s relaxing, validat- i cally. and (hopefully) you’ll be convinced to start side) ing, or seen as “an escape” from their ev- Here’s the thing about that whole co- incorporating some of these strategies the • High kicks: 1-2 sets of 20 (10 each eryday life. nundrum: Whether our cross-dressing (or next time you work out. leg) Common examples of fetishes include bisexual!) partners end up with static iden- A good warm-up should get you • Hip hinge with reach: 1-2 sets of 10 preoccupations with feet, stockings, voy- tities or whether those identities end up physically and mentally ready to go: • Bodyweight squat: 1-2 sets of 10 eurism, and bondage, although there are evolving into others, our responsibility is to Studies that investigate the impact of • Dead-bug: 1-2 sets of 10 literally hundreds of others out there. When accept them, validate them, and treat them warming up prior to a workout general- • Bird-dog: 1-2 sets of 10 it comes to fetishes, LGBTQ people are no with respect regardless. Believe it or not, ly show a positive impact on subsequent • Cat/Cow: 1-2 sets of 10 more inclined to harbor them than hetero- this is an exciting opportunity for you and performance and a lessened risk of injury. • Quadruped rotation: 1-2 sets of 10 sexual folks are and vice versa. While fe- your husband. Challenge your assump- This is crucial to staying on track and mak- each side t tishes can in some instances reflect and tions and lean into whatever this new kinky ing progress towards your goals. A typical • Wall pushups: 1-2 sets of 10 overlap with the sexual orientation and/or epiphany has to offer you both! t warm-up routine consists of a short period gender identity of the individual – including of aerobic exercise, followed by soft tissue 14 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com quality of life // Health and Wellness

Why Gay Men are extra sensitive to the effects of oral ED pills and should therefore discuss the saf- TRANS LIVES: Should Come est dosages with their doctor. py to the point with some of us committing Another common urologic concern My Journey suicide. If you ever feel that way, please Out About Their among older men is prostatic obstruction, reach out to someone. We care, I care, and also known as benign prostate hypertro- I am here for you, and you are not alone. Sexual Health phy (BPH). This frustrating and sometimes Rolls On The title for this column this time is “My painful condition occurs when the prostate Journey Rolls On”. I’m learning things from enlarges with age to the point that it ob- By Karen Kendra Holmes my past and keeping my eye open to learn By Dudley Seth Danoff, MD structs the flow of urine from the bladder. Hello Everyone, my name is Karen Ken- new things for my future. Only you can Over the past decade, the gay commu- The telltale symptoms include more fre- dra Holmes and I am so excited to have control and change your stars. Take the nity has come out of the closet – and by quent urination (especially at night), in- my column and I welcome you all to “Trans steps and the chance that will make the extension, I have seen more openly gay complete bladder emptying, and dribbling. Lives”. Within my column I will be talking difference in your life. When I did my TEDx and bisexual men in my urol- If you experience these symp- about various topics that I want to share Asbury Park talk, I wasn’t sure I could ogy practice in recent years. toms, your physician can per- and yours if you care to share with other do it, because I’ve seen so many good I’ve been pleased to see that Talking about form a series of examinations readers. I want to shed lots of faith, hope, speakers during my five-minute audition. these men’s willingness to be in-office and determine your and love that we give respect and earn the Even though I have done public speaking open about their sexuality also possible best treatment option: medica- respect that we so deserve. From each ar- since 2012, I knew this was the big one. makes them more willing to talk tions, microwave therapy, or a ticle written I want you all to know that I I took a chance to tell my story, and with about their health concerns. So problems is prostatectomy. have you each in my heart and you have a the help of some fantastic TEDx coach- what do gay men ask about The third health concern all close friend in me. I just want you to know es and a book that they sent me, I made when they visit their urologist? step one! men share is prostate cancer. “I am the Voice” who cares about you all a dream come true. To tell your personal In my experience, the most Though the US Preventative and I will do whatever I can to express and story to hundreds and then thousands of common questions are the same for all men Services Task Force has relaxed its pros- show my feelings. people around the world, regardless of sexual orientation – erectile tate checkup recommendations in recent If you care to send me you wonder if you can do dysfunction, years, I urge all men over forty years old to something for advice, please it. The way I got though it prostatic ob- get an annual digital rectal exam and a PSA do and let me know if you was being open to people struction, and (prostate-specific antigen) blood-screen- want me to use you name or helping me to succeed prostate cancer. ing test. The PSA test is the best way to not. Keep one thing in mind, and praying to God. You Erectile dys- make an early diagnosis of prostate can- if you send me something to see everyone is not after function (ED) is cer and increase your odds of beating this post, it just might help the you, and there are lots the single most disease. Though bringing up the subject next reader. I have always of good people out there common issue of cancer can feel scary, asking for a PSA said that our journeys and who want to help you suc- my patients screening is one of the best ways you can transitions are like DNA – ceed and they believe in worry about. protect yourself. very close to each other, but you. With their help and Why, they ask, Gay men, bisexual men, and straight different. love that I felt from them does it get hard men are all basically the same. They all The opening about me my journey just keeps on Mondays have the same anatomy. They all have the by Baltimore OUTloud on rolling on. and Wednes- same urologic concerns. They all have the my journey was just a start I want to thank all Dr. Dudley Seth Danoff days but not on of who I am, where I came Karen Kendra Holmes cisgender family, friends, Tuesdays and “Gay men, bisexual from, and where I am going co-workers, and profes- Thursdays? men, and straight men too in the future. In 2015 I sional experts who want The most common causes of ED are per- was honored in Platform magazine. I was to help educate people on who we are. formance anxiety in younger men and are all basically the among 31 other women from around the Please keep one thing in mind and that is atherosclerosis, which narrows the blood world honored. Before I transitioned full- to have us at the table, at meetings, at con- vessels, in older men. No matter the rea- same. They all have the time on October 1st, 2010, I told all my ferences. We are not what you see on the son, “magic pills” like Viagra and Cialis are same anatomy.” volunteer groups I had something to tell “Jerry Springer Show”; we are police offi- almost universally helpful, and taking them them. All of them gave me this funny look cers, firefighters, medics, doctors, nurses, is not a sign of weakness. Although these same self-doubt and occasional insecuri- and said, “What do you have to tell me”? lawyers, politicians, teachers, models, ac- are not drugs of desire, they will certainly ty. If you are a gay or bisexual man, don’t When I told them I was transgender, they tors, and most of all military soldiers, and help with your performance. be shy asking questions about your body all said the same thing, “I thought you were the list goes on. This is our lives and we ED pills are safe in and of themselves, – coming out about your sexual health going to tell me you were leaving the orga- live this journey 24/7, and we can tell our but it can be dangerous to combine them will not only help you conquer any seri- nization”. That told me that they all valued own story better than you can. For more with other drugs. Unfortunately, ED drugs ous medical issues that may arise but also what I brought to their organization. So, about me go to my personal website Kk- and narcotics are often abused together keep you sexy and potent for life. t because of my platform to them, I want you holmes.com. Please check out my TEDx in the gay community. The combination of Dudley Seth Danoff, MD, FACS, is my readers to build yourself a platform so Asbury Park on YouTube or just YouTube these drugs can result in serious cardiac president and founder of the Cedars-Sinai that you will hear the same thing one day. my name Karen Kendra Holmes to see or or neurological problems and is also as- Medical Center Tower Urology Group in Ever since I transitioned, I have been hear other talks of mine. My next article sociated with the spread of sexually trans- Los Angeles, a Diplomate of the American so happy about who I am and who I’ve be- will be “My First Day Back to Work”. See mitted diseases, including HIV and AIDS. Board of Urology, a Fellow of the American come. I live my life the way I want to, not you next time and remember one thing: Men who take nitroglycerine for coronary College of Surgeons, and author of The Ul- letting anyone take that away from me. We Shoot for the moon and even if you miss artery disease should avoid ED pills, and timate Guide to Male Sexual Health. transition to be happy and because of the you’ll be among the stars! t men taking medication for HIV infections way society treats us we become unhap-

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 15 Thinking OUTloud Rainbow Retirement by Jennifer Jimenez Maraña ly furnished with housekeeping, mainte- The older adult population is growing larg- nance, and other services Get ready! It’s the most unique, furtastical event of the year -- er and more diverse. As older adults of all 2) Assisted living – housing that pro- backgrounds age, where can someone find vides nursing care and additional services DOGFEST WALK & FESTIVAL! a community of active older 3) Skilled nursing – housing inclusive Pet lovers, pet owners, kids, and pets – this is THE day for you. adults who are living their best of more complex healthcare It’s a dog day extravaganza lled with tons of activities for life and making the most of re- Elder living and treatment tirement? Who would care for Ultimately, LPCs focus on both humans and dogs. You don’t need a dog to love DogFest. older adults if they need help providers allowing older adults to be as with activities of daily life and/or independent as possible for as Saturday, September 21st , 10 a.m.-4 p.m. support with health issues? find long as possible. Residents can When I was growing up, themselves stay in the same community Baltimore Humane Society, 1601 Nicodemus Rd. my parents set the expectation even if they need assisted liv- Reisterstown, MD 21136 for me and my siblings that we serving ing or skilled nursing services. $10 & Kids under 12 free when purchased online; $15 at the door & would care for them when they While these engaging com- were older. We were not to send a more munities are open to age and $10/kids 6-12; Kids age 5 and Under and Dogs ALWAYS FREE my parents to “those facilities” income-qualified older adults Free Parking also known as nursing homes – diverse, of all backgrounds, LPCs con- perceived as places where old, tinue to serve a predominantly For tickets, walk registration, and more: sick people lived to die, where older adult white population. Broadmead http://dogfest.org no one visited them, and they is a dynamic LPC that fosters were not well taken care of. The population independence, growth, and col- [email protected] expectation in many communi- laborative relationships, and is Tel: 410-833-8848 ext. 202 ties of color mirrors mine – we “take care of deeply committed to diversifying its resi- our own.” Negative views of nursing homes dent population. Broadmead created my prevents many communities of color from position as director of diversity and inclu- exploring options for older adults. Yet, tak- sion to prepare for the growing, diverse ing care of aging parents may not be feasi- population of older adults who are seeking ble for full-time working adults with children places like Broadmead to help them age of their own, especially if aging parents re- successfully. We hope you will explore and quire medical services. join our vibrant community as you plan Enter Life Plan Communities (LPC), your next life journey. t T3 formerly known as Continuing Care Re- The author is director of diversity and tirement Communities. LPCs are senior inclusion at Broadmead, in Cockeysville, living communities that offer high quality Maryland. Learn more at Broadmead.org. AT CEDARCROFT services such as exercise classes, dining spaces, transportation, onsite medical services, diverse programs, social opportuni- A BENEFIT PARTY FOR AIDS ACTION BALTIMORE ties, and more that focus on an individual’s ANOTHER GREAT PARTY AT NATE AND NEAL'S overall wellness. LPCs offer multiple levels We have the distinct pleasure of celebrating our of living within one community: 1) Independent living – residents live Fall Tea Dance at Cedarcroft again this year! in apartment homes that are individual- baltimoreoutloud.com Please join us at the original 1846 homestead of historic Cedarcroft Farm. Enjoy the lovely home and enchanting gardens nestled in an urban hamlet conveniently located in Baltimore City.

Expect refreshing cocktails and plenty of delicious food. Dancing to the great music of DJ Vince Christopher and an exciting Silent Auction. Sunday, September 22nd ● 2-7PM 6204 Sycamore Road, Baltimore, MD 21212 Get Your Tickets While They Last. Tickets Are Limited. Men’s & Ladies Custom Clothing We come to you!! To purchase tickets go to: aidsactionbaltimore.org 301-807-5079 • baltimorecustomsuits.com

16 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com SPIRITUAL DIRECTORY Baltimore Ethical Society Govans Presbyterian Church 2521 Saint Paul St. Baltimore, MD 21218 5828 York Road. Summer Schedule Rainbow Retirement [email protected] Baltimore MD 21212 Worship, Sunday at 10 a.m. baltimoreethicalsociety.org 410-435-9188. govanspres.org

Bolton Street Synagogue Interfaith Fairness Christian Education classes 212 West Coldspring Lane Coalition of MD resume after Labor Day Baltimore, MD 21210 P.O. Box 13132 410-235-5354. boltonstreet.org Baltimore MD 21203 browndowntown.org 410-233-5555. ifcmd.org 1316 Park Ave., Balt., MD, 21217 Brown Memorial Park Avenue 410.523.1542 Presbyterian Church MCC of Baltimore 1316 Park Avenue 405 West Monument Street. Baltimore MD 21217 Baltimore MD 21201 410-523-1542. browndowntown.org 410-669-6222 mccbaltimore.org Chevrei Tzedek Congregation 3101 Fallstaff Road Memorial Episcopal Church 䄀䰀䰀䄀刀䔀圀䔀䰀䌀伀䴀䔀 Baltimore MD 21209 1407 Bolton Street 䴀愀猀猀匀挀栀攀搀甀氀攀 443-992-7485. chevreitzedek.org Baltimore MD 21217 匀愀琀甀爀搀愀礀㔀㨀㌀瀀⸀洀 410-669-0220 匀甀渀搀愀礀㤀愀⸀洀⸀Ⰰ ㄀㨀㐀㔀愀⸀洀⸀Ⰰ ㄀㈀㨀㄀㔀瀀⸀洀 Congregation Beit Tikvah memorialepiscopal.org 5802 Roland Avenue 刀攀挀漀渀挀椀氀椀愀琀椀漀渀椀猀愀瘀愀椀氀愀戀氀攀匀愀琀甀爀搀愀礀猀愀琀㐀㨀㌀瀀⸀洀⸀ 琀漀㔀瀀⸀洀⸀ Baltimore MD 21210 New Light MCC 410-464-9402. beittikvah.org 40 W. Church Street 䌀漀渀琀愀挀琀匀琀⸀ 䈀攀爀渀愀搀攀琀琀攀倀愀爀椀猀栀 Hagerstown MD 21740 䐀攀愀挀漀渀䘀爀攀搀倀愀猀猀愀甀攀爀㠀㄀匀琀攀瘀攀渀猀漀渀刀漀愀搀 Emmanuel Episcopal Church 301-797-5698 811 Cathedral Street newlightmcc.com 倀愀爀椀猀栀䄀搀洀椀渀椀猀琀爀愀琀漀爀匀攀瘀攀爀渀Ⰰ 䴀愀爀礀氀愀渀搀㈀㄀㄀㐀㐀ⴀ㈀㈀㤀㤀 Baltimore, MD 21201 㐀㄀ ⴀ㤀㘀㤀ⴀ㈀㜀㠀㌀㐀㄀ ⴀ㤀㘀㤀ⴀ㈀㜀㠀㌀ 410-685-1130. emmanueldowntown.org The Church of the Advent 1301 South Charles Street First and Franklin Street. Baltimore, MD 21230 Presbyterian Church 410-539-7804 210 W. Madison Street advent-baltimore.org Baltimore MD 21201-4693 410-728-5545. firstfranklin.org Veritas United Church of Christ First Unitarian Church of Baltimore 22 N Mulberry Street., Suite 113 1 West Hamilton Street. Hagerstown, MD 21740 Baltimore MD 21201 240- 310-6891 410-685-2330. firstunitarian.net veritashagerstown.com

Grace United Methodist Church 5407 North Charles Street Baltimore, MD 21210 410-433-6650. graceunitedmethodist.org

Chevrei Tzedek Congregation 3101 Fallstaﬀ Road, Baltimore, MD 21209 [email protected] www.chevreitzedek.org The Source for the lgbtq community (443) 992-7485 To advertise in our Spiritual directory RABBI RORY KATZ JTS Gladstein Fellow please call 410-802-1310 BaltimoreOutloud.com An informal, Welcoming, Participatory, Conservative Jewish Community

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 17 Lively Arts // personalities

the 40th anniversary of the B-52s epon- CD booklet written by T. Cole Rachel ymous 1979 major-label debut. When in which he talks about how meaning- you look back on that album all these appeared, an expanded edition has been ful it was to hear a band such as the years later, how do you feel about it? B Best released, featuring five bonus B-sides and B-52s when he was a young, queer kid Thank God for “Rock Lobster”! Let me By Gregg Shapiro remixes as well as a second 1989 live who felt isolated in a rural town. In what tell you [laughs]. It put us on the map. We What’s the first thing you think of when disc. Fred Schneider, the B-52s lead male ways would you say that you are aware found out that we had a lot of like-minded you hear the words, “Tin roof, rusted!”? If vocalist, was kind enough to answer a few of the band’s influence on LGBTQ lis- listeners. Or they thought it was so weird, you answered “Love Shack” by the B-52s questions before the band embarked on a teners. they loved it. Or they got that it was a sur- then pat yourself on the multi-city concert tour. We get letters. To this day, LGBTQ fans real trip under the ocean. It really got us back. That 1989 single, An interview Gregg Shapiro: Fred, in addi- tell us how we helped them get through going. It made us a huge hit in Australia the biggest hit of the tion to Nile Rodgers and Don Was the horrors of high school. I was bullied in [laughs], of all places. We were playing B-52’s career, finally with Fred on Cosmic Thing, the B-52s have a high school, so I was reticent at first to talk dumpy little clubs all around the country earned the group the long history of working with fasci- about it (being gay), I guess it was proba- and then we go to Australia the next year widespread mainstream Schneider of nating producers including Chris bly obvious that we were gay. Keith, Ricky and we’re treated like royalty. We were attention it justly de- Blackwell, Rhett Davies, and Da- and I didn’t have girlfriends [laughs]. We like, “What the heck? What do they expect served. It was also con- the B-52s vid Byrne, and yet the band nev- had friends who were women. [laughs]?” We definitely didn’t have a me- sidered a comeback for er lost its distinctive personality, Did you have any idea at the time ga-show planned. the band from Athens, style and sound. How were you that “Love Shack” was being written In 1984, you were the first one of the Georgia, following the able to maintain that? that it would become the hit that it was? B-52s out of the gate to release a devastating loss of co-founding member Fred Schneider: Because we don’t I thought it was one of the most solo album. Why was it the Ricky Wilson. Those in the know who had try to be like anybody else. We all collab- accessible right time to do that? been following the B-52s since the band’s orate. We all have a lot of shared likes I like funk music more than self-titled 1979 debut album (featuring the and dislikes. Everyone rock and roll. I wanted to do single “Rock Lobster”) were free to gloat brings something unique something a little funkier. I had as their friends and family caught on to to it. Keith’s (Strickland) an a lot of ideas. Except for one what they knew all along – the B-52s were amazing musician. His mu- song, I wrote everything my- superstars. To commemorate the 30th sic’s very inspiring. As was self. John Coté did the music. anniversary of Cosmic Thing (Rhino / Re- his and Ricky’s (Wilson). (The single) “Monster” turned prise), the album on which “Love Shack” We just do our own thing. out to be the big song on it. We don’t follow trends and It was basically a joke. We we never have. I think that’s were talking and I said, “I why we have such a diverse just came up with the stu- audience. Because you can’t pidest idea”, sort of like really pinpoint a year and say, when Ricky came up with “Oh, this sounds so 1980s or the “stupidest riff” for “Rock so 1970s or 1960s or 1990s” Lobster”. I like 1950s or whatever. naughty versus dirty. Peo- Unlike previous B-52s ple called the song “Mon- albums, where songs were ster In My Pants”, but it’s credited to individual mem- just called “Monster”. And bers, the songs on Cosmic it’s about a dinosaur that They’re the wears the same under- Thing are credited to the band. bomb – The Do you remember how the B-52s wear that I do. I’ve also songwriting process worked done three albums with the band Supe- for that particular album? things we had rions. I like doing my own thing. Kate and Keith contacted Cindy (Wil- ever done. Radio didn’t get it at first, Cindy are doing their own things. We’re son) and Cindy was ready to work again. except for college and independent radio. going to get together and do some songs • ArchitecturAlly-stunning They contacted Kate (Pierson) and me and I don’t think the record company got it. I for a deluxe package of all of our albums wedding venue • we were ready. Cindy and Keith had an have sort of a reputation for having a voice later this year. apartment in Manhattan, and we worked in that is too weird for radio. I found that out Finally, many artists from outside • indOOR & OuTdOOR wedding the basement. Then we moved to a stu- [laughs]. Someone told me that. Even the world of Broadway are finding suc- CeReMOnieS, ReCePTiOnS, dio in downtown Manhattan. But we would though there are a lot people who really cess there, with Anaïs Mitchell and her And eLOPeMenTS • basically jam, as we did with all our other like my voice. Basically, what Don (Was) Tony-winning Hadestown being a re- • OveR 30 SAMe-Sex weddingS albums. We’d all sing at the same time and did (with the song) was put two pieces to- cent example. Is there any chance that record and listen back. Sometimes we had gether. I don’t know why we didn’t think there may someday be a B-52s stage SinCe 2013 • an idea for a title or sometimes we didn’t. of it. But I had to go around with (record musical? Follow us on Instagram and Facebook at For that particular album, it was sort of label’s) A&R person that I had, while Kate Yes! As a matter of fact, we’re pitching ChaseCourtWeddingVenue nostalgic because a lot of the songs had and Cindy did soundcheck and basically ideas and coming up with things. Let’s just t 410-727-1112 • chasecourt.com to do with Athens, Georgia. That’s basical- beg [laughs] radio people to play it. Once say there’s something in the works. 1112 Saint Paul Street, Baltimore, MD ly how we did it. It’s the way we always they did, it started going to number one all The B-52s perform on September 17th Owned and Operated by David Egan, worked; which was jamming and putting across the country at different times. at The Anthem in DC and September 19th wedding columnist for BaltimoreOUTloud. the pieces together. In addition to 2019 being the 30th at the Mann Center in Philadelphia. There is a very moving intro in the anniversary of Cosmic Thing, it’s also

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BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 19 Lively Arts // QMUSIC

Weyes On Solu- tity Belt and side-project Childbirth. A fierce Divas by the Blood tions (Night feminist voice for her generation and beyond, Street / Inter- Shapiro was notable for incorporating bit- structing a nostalgic scope) her third ing humor and wit into her songs with those 1970s sound crossed full-length album bands. Perfect Version (Hardly Art), her solo with a 21st century in five years, K debut is something else altogether, more se- Dozen mood, the songs on Flay (aka Kristine rious and intimate. It’s a respectable move on By Gregg Shapiro Titanic Rising soar. Flaherty) contin- Shapiro’s part, best represented in the songs There aren’t a lot of musicians who have a There’s not a false ues to straddle “I Lied”, “A Couple Highs”, “Parking Lot,” and backstory as fascinating as Jenny Lewis’s. move on this magnifi- the worlds of pop “Tired”. A child actress who appeared in cently accom- and hip-hop. For Katie Toupin, like Julia Shapiro, is best the camp/cult flick Troop Bever- A plished ten- the most part, known as the member of a band. In Toupin’s ly Hills (alongside Shelly Long!) song album, Solutions does case, it’s her former band Houndmouth. and the CBS series Brook- divagation making it diffi- lean more towards Questionable album cover art aside, Toupin’s lyn Bridge (alongside Marion cult to choose favorite songs, but pop and songs in- solo debut Magnetic Moves (Katietoupinmu- Ross!), she went on to form the on divas “Something to Believe”, “Everyday”, cluding “DNA”, “Ice Cream”, “Sister”, “I Like sic.com) will attract listeners on the strength indie pop band Rilo Kiley. Her “Picture Me Better”, “Andromeda”, Myself (Most of the Time),” and “This Baby of her voice and songwriting abilities. Knock- solo albums, in particular the old and and “A Lot’s Gonna Change” definite- Don’t Cry” have the potential to help her out numbers include “The Hills are Calling”, amazing The Voyager (from ly deserve to be mentioned. reach a wider audience. Additionally, “Good “In Your Dreams”, “Lost Sometimes”, the retro 2014) and her new one On The new Even if you dig Banks and got News”, K. Flays’ first full-fledged dance track “Someone To You”, and the title cut. Line (WB) put her in league with hooked on her beginning with her could earn her a following in the queer and Led by the divine Davina Lozier, Davina brilliant songwriters such as Aimee Mann. On 2014 eponymous debut album, you have club music scenes. and the Vagabonds may be based in the The Line feels like an intentional companion to admit that you had slog through more A skilled debut that is a raw and powerful Twin Cities but its sound and style are pure piece to The Voyager and Lewis’s ongoing than half the record to get to the good stuff, breakup album, Ada Lea’s What We Say in New Orleans. Sweet and sticky as a warm development as a songwriter of note shines on songs such as “Beggin’ for Thread”, Private (Saddle Creek) also features some beignet, Sugar Drops (Red House) picks through on “Hollywood Lawn”, “Heads Gonna “Change”, “Warm Water”, “Under the Table”, of the singer/songwriter’s visual art in the up where Fitz & The Tantrums left off, but Roll”, “Wasted Youth”, “Party Clown”, “Dog- “Fall Over,” and “Bedroom Wall”. That’s less accompanying CD booklet. Both audio and with the benefit of Davina’s dynamic pipes. wood”, “Taffy,” and the title song. true of her new, third album III (Harvest), visual components combine for a distinctive Delectable original tunes include the title From the first dramatic notes of “I Told where she wastes little time in doling out experience. Lea balances experimentalism cut, “No Matter Where We Are”, “Little Miss You Everything”, and then the “holy shit” lyr- attention-grabbing songs. Banks fattens up and accessibility and the outcome is compel- Moonshine”, “Devil Horns”, “Deep End,” and ics, you know that Remind Me Tomorrow the sonics with atomic beats and synths on ling, especially on “For Real Now (Not Pre- “Magic Kisses”. The deluxe edition of the CD (Jagjaguwar) by Sharon Van Etten is going “Stroke”, “Gimme”, “Look What You’re Doing tend)”, “What Makes Me Sad”, “Mercury”, and features five bonus tracks, including a cover to be unlike anything you’ve ever heard. A to Me”, “Till Now”, “Alaska”, and the gorgeous “180 Days”. With the right remix, “The Danc- of Nina Simone’s “I Want a Little Sugar in My breathtaking achievement from start to finish, “What About Love” (on which we can hear the er” is sure to have everyone on their feet and Bowl”. t Van Etten, like contemporaries Mitski and An- string arrangement by queer musician Owen dancing. Weyes Blood performs on September gel Olsen, is rewriting the singer/songwriter Pallett). Those in-the-know may recognize the 11th in Philadelphia at The Met and Septem- handbook. In terms of sheer musical variety This year seems to be the one in which name Julia Shapiro from her band Chas- ber 25th in Baltimore at Ottobar. alone, Remind Me Tomorrow never fails to several female singer/songwriters, such as dazzle, from the aforementioned modern bal- Soak and the previously mentioned Cate Le ladry of “I Told You Everything” and “Jupiter 4” Bon, are making tremendous forward leaps in to the dance-floor anthem “Comeback Kid” to their music. New Zealand’s Aldous Harding the futuristic pop of “You Shadow”, “Seven- is another good example. Her exceptional teen,” and “No One’s Easy to Love”, Sharon new album Designer (4AD) is full of all sorts Toby’s Mamma Van Etten has created one of the best albums of aural surprises and delights, ranging from —continued from page 1 of 2019. the title cut to “Zoo Eyes”, “Fixture Picture”, Equal in its incomparable nature, Reward “Pilot”, “Damn”, and “Weight of the Planets”. successful businessman. He isn’t as wild Mia (Mexican Summer) is not only Welsh singer/ Originally released 25 years ago, and as he used to be. He’s pretty settled down, songwriter Cate LeBon’s most accessible newly reissued in an expanded edition includ- but really misses those wild days. The role album, it’s also her best. This is immediate- ing nine bonus tracks, Garage Orchestra is so much fun to play and the interactions ly clear on the radiant opener “Miami”, that (Omnivore) by Cindy Lee Berryhill sounds between the three dads is great. Also, the for audiences? is as minimalist as it is abundant. A daring like it could have just been written and record- interaction between Harry and Donna is For one, Toby’s Dinner Theatre is the and thrilling pop album buoyed by tunes such ed this week. The album’s timelessness is to sweet and poignant. only remaining dinner theatre in the Bal- as “Home to You”, “Mother’s Mother’s Mag- Berryhill’s credit and a pleasure for listeners. What can audiences expect from timore / Washington / Northern Virginia azines”, “Daylight Maters”, “You Don’t Love Berryhill, whose first album Who’s Gonna this performance? area. It survived the test of time due to Me” and “Sad Nudes”, Le Bon’s aptly titled Save The World? was released to acclaim We performed this show last summer Toby and her vision, dedication and love of album is extremely rewarding indeed. in 1987, suffered from the sophomore slump to completely sold-out houses. It was de- the theatre. What makes it special is being At the dawn of this decade, a British with the follow-up and then redeemed herself cided to bring it back for a six-week run. theatre in the round. It really can bring an singer/songwriter named Rumer burst onto with 1994’s Garage Orchestra. The album is We’ve added a few new people to the cast, audience to feel like they are part of some- the scene and created a stir for the way she full of Berryhill’s unique performance style and we can expect a musical with iconic thing special. It’s fun and different to work sounded remarkably like Karen Carpenter. and perspective, both of which come through songs and a very sweet story about all in the round, it takes a bit of time to get On the incredibly sumptuous Titanic Rising on “Song For Brian”, “Radio Astronomy”, kinds of relationships! used to it. Also, at Toby’s the production (Sub Pop), Weyes Blood (aka Natalie Mer- “Gary Handeman”, “Father of the Seventh What is it about Toby’s Dinner The- values are very high and the atmosphere t ing) pulls off a similar feat. Effortlessly con- Son,” and “Every Someone Tonight”. atre that makes it such a special place is totally a professional one. 20 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com Life Refl ected.

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t 132859_NPA223676-0009 Life Reflected ad_V5_BltOutld_9.875x9.6.indd 1 BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutlou6/26/19d.com 3:42 21PM MAY 22 - JULY 28 Lively Arts // screen Savor 50 Years and Counting By Gregg Shapiro were taking place in the booming metro Just because June and all of the Stonewall areas and port cities of post-war America. 50 commemorations have come and gone The civil rights movement was beginning. doesn’t mean that you have to stop cele- But the McCarthy era and social pressures brating or feeling proud to be a part of the were setbacks. Regardless, the 1950s saw LGBTQ community. the founding of the Mattachine Society and The Stonewall riots, which began on Daughters of Bilitis, the birth of publica- June 28th, 1969 at the Greenwich Village tions such as “Mattachine Review”, “One,” gay bar Stonewall Inn, are considered his- and “The Ladder”. torically significant in terms of the birth The persistence of bar raids and ar- 410-730-8311 of the gay liberation movement. With the rests fol- 50th anniversa- TobysDinnerTheatre.com ry of the Stone- Due to the nature of theatrical bookings, all shows and dates are subject to change. wall riots still on the minds of the LGBTQ community, as well as our straight allies (and several corporate entities), it’s a great time to take a look at the newly restored 1984 doc “Before AUGUST 1 - SEPTEMBER 8 Stonewall” (First lowed by the Run Features), recently re- publication in newspapers of the names of released on DVD, which provides a visual those arrested in the raids had a devastat- history lesson about queer life pre-1969. ing effect. But strides were being includ- Director Greta Schiller and co-director ing the precedent-setting 1956 “Howl” trial Robert Rosenberg created an essential involving Allen Ginsberg’s book. Gay peo- historical document with their film. Open- ple found safe haven in Greenwich Village ing with news footage of the “routine” po- and at the Black Cat bar in San Francisco. lice raids gay bar patrons had to endure Groundwork was being laid. The examples Nice Work If You Can Get It pre-Stonewall and featuring narration by set by the Black Power Movement, the hip- lesbian writer Rita Mae Brown, “Before pies and anti-war protesters of the 1960s Thursday, August 1 - Sunday, August 4 Stonewall” focuses “on the unconvention- set the stage for the Stonewall Riots and CCBC Essex al behavior and often lonely rebellion” of gay liberation. Robert and Eleanor Romadka College Center who lived and loved in the time before Schiller and Rosenberg wisely uti- (ROMA) | F. Scott Black Theatre Stonewall, offering viewers perspective on lized an array of interview subjects in- the ways in which the community evolved. cluding familiar folks such as artist/writer Some interview subjects use the familiar Richard Bruce Nugent, Mattachine Soci- Music and Lyrics by George and Ira Gershwin Book story of “feeling like the only one” and ety and Radical Fairies co-founder Harry hiding who they were while living in small Hay, psychologist Dr. Evelyn Hooker, poet The Unexpected Guest towns and rural settings, denying their Allen Ginsberg, bookstore owner and ac- feelings or risk getting caught. Friday, August 2 - Sunday, August 4 tivist Craig Rodwell, publisher Barbara “Before Stonewall” zeroes in on the Grier, activist Barbara Gittings, bar owner CCBC Essex 1920s and 1930s, a period in which the and activist Marge Summit, activist Frank Robert and Eleanor Romadka College Center populations in cities such as San Fran- Kameny, writer and historian Martin Duber- (ROMA) | Cabaret cisco, New Orleans, and New York were man, poet Audre Lorde, writer and singer increasing. It was there that a homosex- Lisa Ben, author Ann Bannon, and activist By Agatha Christie ual underground, a “twilight world of gay Ivy Bottini. Directed by Linda Chambers people”, began to take root. Gay parties, One particularly fascinating revela- clubs and bars flourished. Famous faces tion is that at the time the doc was being including Tennessee Williams, Langston made in the early 1980s, the Stonewall Inn Hughes, Ethel Waters, Margaret Ander- was actually a restaurant known as Bagel. son, Bessie Smith, Alberta Hunter, and Watching “Before Stonewall” is a fitting 7201 Rossville Blvd. Natalie Barney were part of the scene. coda to all of the celebrations. t 443-840-ARTS(2787) • ccbcmd.edu/arts However, the Great Depression and Rating: B-plus World War II also had impacts, both negative and positive. Radical social changes

22 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com out in the valley Hagerstown ficial proclamation Hopes ‘Love from the City of Hag- erstown that July is Grows’: Our now officially LGBTQ Pride Month, anoth- Greatest Pride er milestone in our mission to bring the Yet community together. by Brian George Hose As the day went Hagerstown Pride was a huge success, and on and we saw how all of us at Hagerstown Hopes would like many people, especially young people, Are you crafty? Do you like to sing? If so, to thank everyone for their support! This came to celebrate and learn from our gallery we hope you’ll join us as we begin branching was our biggest Pride to date. We estimate of LGBTQ cultural and historical figures, we into arts outreach! One of the best ways to nearly 4,000 people braved the heat to vis- were touched to know that the world truly is bring people together is to provide a com- it, enjoy some amazing live entertainment, changing and that our community is a part mon goal and activity. That’s why we’ve and spend time with our local LGBTQ com- of that change. Our theme, “Love Grows,” developed an arts plan to provide more so- community. This is an especially important munity. Beacon House provided a fun, fam- was a tribute to the 50th anniversary of the cial and educational opportunities for the open meeting because we will be discuss- ily-friendly Kid Zone, complete with games Stonewall Riots that began our community’s community. We’re putting resources togeth- ing our upcoming election to join the board and arts and crafts projects. Butch fight for civil rights, er and we expect to have updates soon. of directors. If you’d like to get involved and and it was heartening Please follow us on Facebook or visit us at be part of creating positive changes in the to see so much love in HagerstownHopesMD.org to keep up with community, please let us know! Each of us one place. Again, we us and our work and sign up for our monthly has a different experience in our community, cannot thank every- newsletter! which means each of us has a unique under- one who participated We also hope you’ll join us for our next standing of what our community needs and enough for making open board meeting on Tuesday, August how to build and strengthen our community. Hagerstown Pride a 13th. This is your chance to meet us, ask We hope you’ll join us because, together, we success. We hope questions, and get involved! We’ll be pro- can do amazing things. We hope to see you you had a great time! viding updates on our work, discussing our soon! t Now that Pride plans, and asking for feedback from the season is winding down, we’re focusing our attention on other efforts. The Hagerstown Hopes Youth Group will have its first meeting Saturday, Au- gust 3rd. Youth Group will meet the first Saturday of each month and will include arts The Keystone Gay Rodeo Association is a 501(c)(3) tax-exempt and education ac- non-pro t organization whose purpose is to promote the tivities for young people. Our goal country and western lifestyle and rodeo type events within is to respond to the LGBT community and their allies. Maya Montana the wants and needs of Kelly and Ch- – Hagerstown the Youth Group, so stay tuned Do you enjoy any of the following activities? asity Vain, King and Queen of Hag- Pride’s headliner for updates and a schedule of and former Miss •Social Events including country music and dancing. erstown Pride, performed with local activities! Gay Maryland •Meeting new people and making new friends. favorites and gave the crowd even and Miss Gay We’ve also been working more reasons to celebrate. Maya America, gave with Shepherd University to •Helping other community organizations by volunteering and Montana, our headliner and former a spectacular develop inclusive programming Miss Gay Maryland and Miss Gay performance for the academic year. Board raising much needed funds. America, gave a spectacular perfor- members Asher Kennedy and •Trail riding, open horse shows, mance and made the day that much Brian George Hose have pre- rodeos and other horse related events. more special and memorable. sented at Shepherd Universi- We would like to thank the com- ty in the past and are looking munity for supporting us, as well as the forward to creating resources to educate the If so, then KSGRA membership may businesses, vendors, and especially our community. We are fortunate to have this volunteers, who helped make Hagerstown opportunity and we look forward to bringing be for you. To join visit our website Pride possible. The day began with an of- our outreach work to a larger audience. at ksgra.org

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 23 out in the valley

responses from members of the LGBTQ community. Some said that it’s never okay to out Brian’s someone else. Others supported LuPone, saying “Brava Miss Patti. Drag that queen.” Brain Honestly, the most interesting respons- Brian George Hose es/conversations/flame wars I read were between LGBTQ folk, all of whom had a different take on Patti’s problematic tweet. LuPone vs To be honest, I don’t know much about Lindsey Graham. I was surprised to learn that allegedly (please don’t sue me) he Lindsey & the has a code name on Capitol Hill and that his alleged (really – please don’t sue me) Ethics of sexual orientation is an open secret. Co- median Chelsea Handler posted a similar Outing tweet in October and faced a similar backlash. Graham’s response? “To the extent A year and a half ago I needed a topic. that it matters, I’m not gay.” Once I learned The article I was planning to write fell that, my opinion began to change. through at the last minute and an unlike- This is a juicy situation and there’s a lot ly hero emerged and saved my column. to break down. Yes, generally speaking, no That hero is Patti LuPone. She had just one should ever be outed. That said, Lind- performed at the 2018 Grammy Awards, sey Graham is a public figure, and singing “Don’t Cry all public figures for Me Argentina” are vulnerable to from Andrew Lloyd all kinds of criti- Weber’s Evita, the cisms. It comes role that launched with the job that her award-magnet they willingly of a career. Yes, she accepted. For slayed the perfor- Graham, if he mance, but the real really is gay, this story was that in sing- presents an eth- ing a tribute to We- ical dilemma for ber, she also buried the rest of us. the hatchet in their Lindsey vs Do we respect his personal famously longstanding feud. She LuPone privacy? Should we respect gave me an article about the im- his privacy and autonomy portance of forgiveness and how letting go when he uses his power to marginalize the of old resentments makes room for new LGBTQ community and work to limit the love in our lives. Like LuPone, I slayed it. rights of the trans community? Imagine my disappointment a few I don’t have an answer, but I do have days ago when I saw headlines slamming a thought. Let’s say that Graham is gay LuPone for an allegedly homophobic tweet (to the extent that it matters). His actions about Sen. Lindsey Graham. The tweet have been purposefully harmful to his own came after Graham supported Donald community. To me, that indicates that his Trump, who told four congresswomen of work in politics, which is a form of public color to “go home.” Trump had also stood service, is not to help the people, but to ac- in silent approval as a crowd chanted quire personal power and gains. Isn’t that “send her back” at a rally, referring to Rep. what we should be talking about? Ilhan Omar. LuPone, who has made no I’m reminded of Roy Cohn (look him bones about her disapproval of the Trump up) and how he was a man who had sex administration, tweeted “Lindsey Graham with men, but denied being gay. For Cohn, you are a disgrace. On a personal note, it was about clout. He could have power why don’t you just bite the bullet and come and respect, but only in the closet. Frankly, Hagerstown Pride Wall out. You might just come to your senses.” that’s still reality for some of us. For Gra- The backlash was immediate. There ham, if he’s closeted to gain power that was talk of double standards (a conser- he then uses to harm his own community, vative could never say that to a liberal), should we regard him as a traitor and act of Remembrance and questions about implicit homophobia. accordingly? I don’t have the answer, but photos by Jake Cordova These are all valid points, but for me, the it’s a question worth asking. t most interesting aspect was in reading the

24 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com out in the valley

try other things that are difficult to do. If place in a professional setting. To be pro- that preschooler never learns to scribble, moted to management just to realise that she will never learn to color within the lines now means that everything that can and Parenting or hold a pencil or write her name. Asher’s will go wrong is not only your fault, but also Older kids are no different. Little Sylvia World futile to fix because you both have zero au- OUTloud may never become a master musician, but Asher Kennedy thority and the expectation that your boss Rev. Kelly Crenshaw she will have memories of her time in the does not want to be bothered with things. band. She will develop parts of her brain, My friends and family were a constant learning to read symbols and spacing. A Reluctant Case source of the phrase “just quit.” It seemed She will learn how each small part works so easy, I watched countless people leave It’s All About together to become a whole piece of mu- of Change that exact place of employment, and when sical expression. And, those lessons will I would run into them on the street after, it carry over into other areas of her life, all was always the same. They did not just tell the Kids because she enjoys it now. Change is an inescapable part of being me they were happier on the other side, it Show some enthusiasm! When my human. Whether it is little changes, like was streaming from their pores like rain- teenager wanted to play football, I found a expanding one’s taste in food or music to bows in a Lucky Charms commercial. But Okay parents, it’s time to gather around private league that was willing to work with outside of their normal go-to, or even a big they all had the benefit of a license that in a circle and have a little conver- them as they learned the change, such as moving to a new city, all matched their face and identity. I did not. sation. Just find a seat anywhere In praise of sport. I helped them form changes impact us differently. I have friends There were times that I would update and and get comfy. Everybody ready? a cheerleading squad who have up and moved cross-country polish my resume, just to balk at a call- Then, let’s talk. praise and, for a time, was the with what to me seems like minimal plan- back when I realised the ID / transgender I need to address those among cheerleading coach. Lat- ning, and completely thrived in their new conversation would have to happen. our group who don’t support their kids. er, when football wasn’t working so well, surroundings. The phrase “creature of Ultimately when I finally had enough Don’t look around the room at everyone I helped them start a church softball team, habit” does not do me justice. There was and decided to leave, I did so without a else. You know what you are. You’re the playing against other teens and adults. We a week straight where I ate Burger King contingency plan, and that anxiety was parents who attend your child’s were an awful team – for every meal, and while I am not proud to nothing compared to the weight I felt lifted events, yet have a negative attitude. lost most of our games. admit that, it serves my point. If something off of me when I realised, I would never You’re the parents who try to talk your But, the kids had a is working, why change it? Even if some- again wake to a passive-aggressive text kid out of doing a particular activity good time and the peo- thing is irking me to my core, if I can avoid or worse, passive-aggressive group text. I because it’s not your thing. You’re ple on the other teams the uncertainty that is change, I will grin am proud to say that I no longer wake up the parents who see yourself through were very supportive of and bear it. A little under a year ago, I final- with a lump in my throat after having mini your child’s achievements and aren’t the kids’ efforts, cheer- ly hit a wall with something that had need- nightmares of things being wrong. I spend happy unless your kid is a winner. ing them on. No matter ed to change for many months prior. While my commute to work daydreaming, and not Recently, I’ve been hearing a lot how many times our the phrase toxic relationship is something fighting the urge to pull over and throw up of parents complain about their kids team lost, we support- that is often used to describe a bad ro- or drive off a cliff. The immovable force of in one way or another. I put Billy in an ed the kids in their ef- mantic relation- organization and he just doesn’t seem forts. We knew they ship, and some- to enjoy it. Or, I hate going to Sylvia’s tried hard. times a friendship band concerts. They’re so boring. Or When I was or familial relation, even, Alex didn’t win at the meet last week. You loaf in college, I re- there are also toxic I’m so embarrassed. with the best of them, member my workplaces. There Maybe Billy doesn’t like Future Farm- honey mother attend- are many kinds of ers of America the way you did as a child. ing some of my toxic work environ- recitals. I was a voice major. She would ments and the spe- “Listen to your kids. sit there with a horrible expression on her cifics of each are face. It was as if I was hurting her. No irrelevant. What Let them express their matter how many compliments I got at the matters is that if interests and then learn end of the recital, all I could focus on was your job physically my mother’s expression. She hated it and impacts your abili- about that interest so that killed me. She claimed that wasn’t the ty to live and exist that you can enjoy it, case. She claimed that she enjoyed my re- outside of work; it citals. But I was defeated nonetheless. is no different than change has too.” Listen to your kids. Let them express a toxic partner or friend. paid off for me in that I am now almost at their interests and then learn about that I would wake in the middle of the night my anniversary in my new career. Wheth- Maybe Sylvia really enjoys playing the interest so that you can enjoy it, too. Your to a blinding, sweat-induced panic. Liter- er it is wanting to change a hairstyle, try trombone. And Alex? Maybe he tried his kids only get one childhood and your job, ally me, shooting up out of bed in a frenzy a new restaurant, move across country hardest and beat his personal best in the whether your like it or not, is to mold your that something was misplaced or incorrect. or leave an unbearable workplace, the race. And maybe, this isn’t about you. It’s child into a confident, competent adult. So, Spending all of my morning prior to starting fear of change is only limiting ourselves. about your kid. support your kids and stop complaining. my shift pacing with stomach-flipping anxi- The sky might not always be the limit, but Kids need our support, no matter what I guarantee they have overheard you at ety, just waiting to arrive and be screamed there’s always a greener pasture waiting if they’re doing. Preschoolers will bring us least once or twice. at. I do not care what you do for a living, we would just allow ourselves to be at the their scribbled colorings and we praise After all, kids are people, too. Give being screamed at in the same way that mercy of change. t them to the moon and back for their lovely them some respect. t one scolds a child is belittling and has no artwork. They need that praise so they will

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 25 Quality of life

Certified Public Accountants pretty clothes. Of all that’s required to cre- Getting the ate a great do-it-yourself wedding, getting everything done while not driving everyone Wedding you love to exhaustion is the greatest chal- You Want lenge. You’ll want to do some careful plan- David Egan ning, especially on the day-of, to ensure that everyone is showered and rested in time for the festivities. You may also want to consider recruiting or hiring some addi- Backyard Blues tional help. The bottom line – There’s more, but Here’s more, continued from the July 19th you get the idea. There is a lot to think Services for Business Services Tax Services issue, on the good, the bad, and the ugly about. If planning is not your strong suit, Individuals -Small Business Accounting -Tax Preparation of planning for a backyard wed- you’re going to want help -Estate Planning -Online Payroll -Tax Planning ding. from someone who lives an -Elder Care -QuickBooks Services -Tax Problems More details, details, de- Part 2 organized life and relish- -Payroll - Bank Financing tails… Parking is also a con- es managing lots of details. New Business Formation sideration. Wedding guests Even the smallest of back- often arrive in pairs, so for that 75-guest yard weddings will take a fair amount of Making a Difference for Businesses & Individuals wedding, about 35 cars would have to be planning. put somewhere. Nothing upsets neighbors Money is a thing. Depending on the With client focus as the base of every service, Bridges & Associates, CPA’s more than messing with their parking (or size of your backyard wedding, the costs of Baltimore, MD offers area businesses and individuals specialized CPA parking on their lawn!). Lack of parking is can be minimal, or as much as or more services tailored to the industry, business entity and targeted needs. a deal-breaker, so right now, very early on than using a dedicated event venue. in the planning process, is a really good Are there upsides? Sure! You get to time to have some friendly conversations have your wedding in a beautiful outdoor 835 Hollins St. Baltimore, MD, 21201 • 410-908-8134 with your neighbors about your intentions. space, one that might be near and dear [email protected] • bridgescpas.com If it rains – and I assure you, it does to your heart. You have com- – you’ll want to be ready. Per- haps a tent is in order. Once an event grows larger than a couple of dozen guests, the kind of tent you’ll want is best put up and taken down by a professional tent company. You’ll want the canopy, removable sides, and perimeter lights. A liner is a nice touch. If what’s under the tent will be grass, think long and hard about adding a floor, too. Watching guests sink into the mud is fun for only so long! Many hands make light work – Someone, or more accurately, a group of someones, need to make all of this happen. Few backyards are ready for a wedding without plete control over almost every some good attention, so there is yardwork aspect of the experience. You and your and perhaps some gardening to be done. guests can celebrate for as long as you The same is true of the inside and outside want into the night, or into even the next of the house. But that’s not all… day, providing there isn’t a noise ordinance There are things to go get, things to set in your chosen location. And at the end up, and things to take down and return just of the night, your bed is just a few steps before, on, and the day after the wedding. away! And that’s just the deep behind-the-scenes So, simple? No, hardly ever. But do- work. Someone has to prepare and serve able, to be sure. It’s all a matter of how the food and drink, manage the trash, and you want to spend your time and money keep the party running smoothly. Antici- to create the perfect wedding for you and pate whole days of preparation. your beloved. t Of course, the people who are likely to David L. Egan is the proprietor and stew- be doing all of this work – your parents and ard of Chase Court, a wedding and event siblings and besties – are also the people venue in downtown Baltimore. Visit Cha- you’ll want front and center at your wed- secourt.com, and follow ChaseCourtWed- ding, cool, calm and collected, and in their dingVenue on Instagram and Facebook.

26 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com Quality of life // did you know!?

Does Cafe Heaven’s Quinn Taylor minutes. If you text someone who likes you and that person expresses they Nyet! Think We’re All Too Available? like you, why can’t you communicate whenever you choose to? Imposing agree. Most times I never override the chef a three-day wait is overly pretentious By Kevin Assam since he has to make the damn thing. and wildly 1985. Television executive Quinn Taylor is the lat- There seems to be a new wave of How long should we wait be- est addition to Provincetown business own- acquisitions of pre-existing businesses fore moving on from someone who ers with his acquisition of the Portuguese in Provincetown. Is this just the cyclical hasn’t responded to us? Clams and Lobster Ravioli serving Cafe nature of the town’s economy or a result You don’t know the reason some- Heaven. He pries open his playbook to of persons not necessarily wanting to one hasn’t called you back other than discuss courting the Cape’s eligible gents, start a venture from scratch? what’s in your head. Maybe their reveals what dating rules are so 1985, and I never thought I would start my restau- phone died? Maybe they hate you Quinn and think you’re a disaster? Maybe answers the all-time philosophical debate rant from scratch. I was not a restaurateur. Taylor of whether cereal is a soup or not. I did not go to culinary school. I did work in they like you but broke their arm in Kevin Assam: Do you consider cereal a small diner once growing up in Arkansas. a bicycle ride? We’re so obsessed to be a soup? I cannot imagine doing what I did in the with ourselves and the need to be validated Quinn Taylor: No. I suppose you could same timeline if I had started from scratch because communication is .0001 seconds Now we can take a picture with our phones but why would you bother? It’s cereal. I nor did I really want to. away at any moment of our lives. We are and have the liquor a day later. It’s a good Would Bill Clinton have liked what all way too available. thing and a bad thing. [laughs] “I’ve been single for you cooked growing up in Arkansas? I just went through the process of get- When it comes to relationships, it’s far Of course, he would. ting my liquor license. Once you have it you more complicated than bottles of wine. a number of years What’s your television lineup for a have to talk to the distributors and send Wine shows up. I sell it. People show up. now so my playbook day in and what are you eating while you them a picture of the license. I said to my They have an agenda and perceptions. lie in bed? business partner “How the fuck did they They may not think you like them. I don’t may not be worth I don’t eat or watch TV in bed [laughs]. do this 20 years ago?” Even before a fax know why we need to put a time frame on I try to keep those things separate hav- machine, did you have to mail a photocopy a response to a text message unless you discussing. What’s my ing made it in the industry for 27 years. or a mimeograph copy of your license to become a stalker and that’s a whole differ- t type? I say upright and My days were filled with television. When distributors for approval to have liquor de- ent story. I was sleeping, I wanted to sleep. When I livered? How did things get accomplished? breathing.” was eating, I wanted to eat. I just started watching “Dead to Me” with Christina Ap- have soup. [Laughs] I love soup but I love plegate. I’m obsessed with HBO’s “Gentle- cereal too. Sometimes a cigar is just a ci- man Jack.” “Veep” is the most incredible gar. show ever. I loved “Succession” and can’t What led you to go in on this ven- wait for its return. I always think “Modern ture? Family” is a stroke of genius every time. I My career in television was very good love “Sneaky Pete.” NEW EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITY! to me and I was good to it. I felt I came to Is long-distance for the birds? New outdoor resort opening this summer located north of a place where I could step back and come I know people who made it work. It can’t Romney, Hampshire Co. West Virginia. to Provincetown full-time. LA is great but I work forever. You really have to commit to don’t need two homes anymore. I thought it and fly back and forth. Like a plant, you We need the following positions filled within the next four of spending the summer here in Province- have to love it, feed it, and talk to it. You to six weeks. Many of these positions will be year round! town when I got a phone call on the 28th of can’t do it over the phone all the time. February saying Cafe Heaven was for sale. What’s the Quinn Taylor playbook to I said I would buy it. There wasn’t too much courtship? Restaurant: Bakers, Bartenders, Bar-backs, Bus & cleaning staff, thought into this other than the fact I had I have been single for a number of years Dish/Pot washers, Food prep & Line cooks, been eating at this restaurant hundreds of now so my playbook may not be worth dis- Floor managers, Host & Wait staff. times over the many years I had been com- cussing. We are all obsessed with having Outside Help: Activities attendant, Groundskeepers, ing here. I always loved the food. I became a type. What’s your type? I say upright very friendly with the owners. I met friends and breathing. Would I go on a blind date? Horse tenders, Facility maintenance staff. there I still have to this day. When the Sure. I’ll go if I think the person is nice. I phone call came, it felt bizarrely natural. try not to adhere to what I consider to be Please complete the job application at the following link Is democracy suited for all restau- a type because that usually does not work. rant kitchens? Do we need to eliminate rules of and we will get back to you! All good ideas should be listened to no courtship that deal with holding back https://rainbowcountryresorts.com/job-application matter where they come from – a server, or deliberately delaying communication Come grow with us!!! a dishwasher, or a prep cook. Since I took after meeting someone? Is there an ad- over, we’ve had contributions from all walks vantage to making the first move or be- of the restaurant. If the server asks the ing a bit more aggressive? question for a customer in terms of wheth- Those rules are ridiculous anyway. If er the kitchen can do something, the chef you like each other why can’t you reach will say yes or no then look at me to see if I out? Don’t stalk them or text every eight

BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 27 quality of life

Indeed, Chief Hastings admitted that there was no policy addressing the issue People draw impressions of other peo- of humanely separating children from their If the ple based on the colors that they are wear- parents or guardians. He noted that there ing in their clothing. The right color clothing The Law was no time permitted for the children to Suit Fits... will help you to land that job that you want, & You say farewell to their parents or even an get the big deal that you want or help to explanation given to either children or par- Art Solop make you interesting to a potential romantic Linda A. Dominguez ents about what was happening when a BP partner. The most important colors: officer walked away with a child in custo- Navy and gray – Navys or grays are al- dy. The “zero tolerance” family separation ways the key colors to wear for that import- Family Separations policy was allegedly stopped in June 2018 First Impression ant job interview or big meeting. Patterns to by court order. And yet, Chief Hastings wear would be a solid, a textured solid such are Permanent confessed to the fact that children are still I’d like to introduce myself – my name is Art as a fabric with some surface interest, possi- being separated from family members to Solop. I am a custom clothier with Bench- bly a herringbone (an upside down V pattern the date of the hearing. His only objection mark Clothiers. I am a professional clothier in the same color as the background fabric), On July 25th, Border Patrol Chief Brian was to the characterization of separation and wardrobe consultant to many successful a pinstripe & a windowpane. However, you Hastings testified before the House Ju- as “kidnapping.” Why is it not the kidnap- people in the Baltimore / Washington, DC, want to be careful when selecting a pattern diciary Committee about the policies and ping of a child? Because BP has a set of area. I am a trained and certified master to err towards the conservative side, you procedures of the Border Patrol (“BP”) guidelines and the separation is a part of custom tailor by the Custom Tailors and De- don’t want to select something that would along the border between the US and Mex- that guideline. In spite of the fact that the signers Association of America. I have de- be considered to bold or flashy and may not ico. During his testimony, Chief Hastings only communicable disease that is listed in veloped and cultivated a great knowledge be appropriate for that special meeting. In revealed a lot about what is occurring to the law as being a basis for denying en- of style and fabrics that has allowed me to other words, choose a very subtle pinstripe children who are detained. When asked try into the US is active tuberculosis, the assist my clients in cre- with a narrow faint strip- if a three-year old little girl could be clas- BP guideline states that a parent who is ating a wardrobe that ing versus a thick, bold sified as a “criminal or national security HIV-positive is not considered fit to be car- is appropriate for any pinstripe in a bright col- threat,” his response was that he “did not ing for a child and the child is taken away occasion: formal, busi- or that will almost cer- know the background of the case.” The from them by BP officers. ness, or casual. tainly stand out. Men fact that he would ever consider a toddler a Chief Hastings admitted that BP is not Benchmark Cloth- almost always want to criminal or national security threat speaks equipped to handle young children and iers is a full-service select a darker colored volumes about the paranoid frame of mind infants in a detention center and that the provider of men’s and fabric and ladies can of the current administration. Based on overcrowding is a natural outcome of this ladies custom clothing. choose something a that paranoia, Chief Hastings revealed that situation. The result has been that foster Benchmark Clothiers little lighter like a me- there was no process to reunite children care agencies like Bethany Christian Ser- provides ready made dium gray for their big separated from parents or guardians (such vices (“BCS”) decide that the “best inter- and made-to-measure meeting suit. ests” of the children handed to them by clothing such as suits, Black – Black can “The ‘zero tolerance’ ORR was to permit foster care parents sport coats, trousers, make the wearer ap- who wished to adopt them to go ahead shirts, skirts and casual pear to be someone family separation with their plans. BCS is an agency that has clothing to their clients. who should be taken policy was allegedly locations in 36 states and is intimately con- Benchmark visits their seriously and be very nected with the family of Education Secre- clients in their office, dominating, because stopped in June 2018 tary Betsy DeVos. Aside from donations of home or you can visit is a strong color. So $3.1 million, members of the DeVos fami- it us in our Savage Mill … depending on the by court order. And ly have been on the Board of Directors of location where we bring occasion you might yet, Chief Hastings BCS, and at least one member still works you an unparalleled col- want to brighten for the agency. The BCS stresses that its lection of the world’s things up a little bit confessed to the fact mission is, as good Christians, to provide finest cloths and styles to choose using a brighter color tie or scarf. a “loving family” for all children. The reality from. You can learn more about myself and First impressions if you have a suit on that children are still and basic problem with this mission is that Benchmark Clothiers by visiting my website – make sure that the suit fits (no pun here). being separated from BCS has been creating new families for Baltimorecustomsuits.com You should have some freedom of move- children who are already suffering from the I hope to use this column (“If the Suit ment in the suit. The suit should not be too family members.” horror of being ripped away from the lov- Fits …”) as a way to share with you some of restrictive or skinny, despite the current style ing arms of the parents to whom they were the knowledge I’ve acquired over the years trend, or, oops, you put on a few since the as aunts, uncles, grandparents, adult sib- born. Trying to shift the blame between about dressing, so that you may be proper- last time that you wore that suit. The suit lings) and that his goal was to ensure the federal agencies is not a good answer to ly prepared and dressed for any occasion. should also not be too baggy because you removal or deportation of any detained the overcrowded detention of children in Please remember you only have one chance just lost a ton of weight. The suit should look parents or guardians. When questioned camps where there is insufficient food, no to make a good first impression!S o, why not sharp, classic, and not dated looking be- about the 850 complaints presented to BP access to water for hygiene, and where make that impression last by dressing well? cause it was sitting in the back of your clos- concerning separation of children from par- children lose weight from starvation and People make an assumption or evalua- et for ten years. If the suit you are wearing ents or guardians, Chief Hastings admitted die from conditions that are unconsciona- tion about you (right or wrong) the second does not make you look sharp and relaxed that there was no policy that concerned re- ble in a country that claims to be a beacon that you walk thru a door and they are judg- looking while wearing it, then you need to unification of children. His only focus was of light and hope. t ing you first on your appearance. Now they re-think wearing that suit. You can make the on detaining, separating children, and de- will change that impression after they have right decision to have it altered or invest in a porting the parents or guardians even if the had an opportunity to meet you and get to new one. Dress well and be great! t children were detained in different cities. know you and learn your story.

28 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com your money Planning for Diminished Financial Capacity By Woody Derricks someone’s help: Additionally, tell your financial literally pulling up floorboards checking to see According to the SEC, “’Diminished financial • Get organized- Pull to- What to do professionals so they can help if grandma stashed her extra cash there for capacity’ is a term used to describe a decline gether all of your financial monitor your finances. Also, let safekeeping. in a person’s ability to manage money and documents in one place. It before you your advisers know who your trust- If you have a loved one with dementia, the financial assets to serve his or her best inter- might be best to provide your ed family/friends are so everyone World Health Organization has an online pro- ests, including the inability to understand the attorney with a list of accounts lose your can be kept informed of any un- gram to provide you with support and training. consequences of investment decisions.” (Bit. as well. These documents will usual financial activity. Learn more here: Isupportfordementia.org/en ly/2Mq4i3y) include: mind • Create a financial durable Contact us if you’d like to learn more Of all the things we plan for, it’s likely that • Paychecks power of attorney – this will allow about how to prepare for diminished capacity we’re least interested in and least likely to • Pension statements someone to step in and help you with your or the warning signs. plan for diminished capacity. The thought of • Social Security statements finances should you find yourself unable to do The opinions voiced in this material are losing one’s mental capacity is, for some, a • Mortgage & other liabilities so (this could be due to a health issue or even for informational purposes only and are not fate worse than death, but, it’s something that • Investments if you’re out of the country and need emer- intended to provide specific advice to any in- shouldn’t be ignored. According to the World • Checking / savings / CDs gency funds). If you have a power of attorney dividual. Consult your legal, tax, and/or finan- Health Organization, a new case of dementia • Insurance (health, life, long-term care, document, you may want to get that on file cial advisor to determine what is appropriate t is diagnosed at an average of one new case homeowners, etc) with your financial institutions. for your situation. every three seconds. (Bit.ly/2MpsG3b) As a • Estate plan Many of these are wise pieces to put in As a Registered Investment Advisor result of this, everyone should take steps to • Names, addresses, and phone numbers place whether there’s diminished capacity, (RIA), Partnership Wealth Management is organize and prepare their financial records of your CPA, attorney, and financial advisor. another health emergency, or as part of your committed to providing our clients with fi- and documents in the event that someone • Communicate – Let your spouse and/ estate plan. A little extra work for you today nancial planning and wealth management needs to provide support. or children know where your financial docu- could save someone else countless hours of services to help them work towards their fi- Because we’re so fearful of having a di- ments are stored and who your CPA, attor- effort later. nancial goals. At Partnership Wealth Man- minished capacity, we might be fearful of ney, and financial advisor are. You may want Anyone who has assisted with the financ- agement, we have a long history of working telling others when we notice changes in our- to have your spouse/children be involved in es for a grandparent, parent, or spouse as with the LGBT community. Among the many selves. Don’t be. Things won’t get better by your appointments or receive duplicate state- they transitioned to a nursing home or after services we offer are financial planning and hiding them from your loved ones. ments so that they’re familiar with your finan- they passed away understands how difficult estate planning strategies for gay and lesbian Here are some steps you can take to cial picture. Involving your family will also it can be to track down accounts, bills, and couples. Contact us today to get started: Part- prepare your finances in the event you need help them monitor your accounts for unusual assets for someone else. Some people are nershipwm.com.

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complained about low morale, gossiping, gagement scores show a dip in overall en- The More you lack of respect for one another, and low gagement from one year to the next. This Know About trust. This has been an ongoing theme for leader allows her team to bully her to the more than two years. point she is fearful of making decisions. Munch Business What is interesting is that one of these Her team is feeding off this weakness. On This Richard Finger groups has had a manager change. I be- Sadly, despite numerous conversations Michael Ritmiller lieve this leader laid down ground rules of and even pushing her to spend time with engagement very quickly and did not al- more successful leaders, she feels defeat- low for exceptions to them. For example, ed, and takes not action. My colleague a “no gossiping” rule was enacted. When Zeke’s Coffee Fostering an has personally met with this team several 4719 Harford Road, Baltimore employees engaged in this behavior, they times, with and without their manager, and 443-992-4388 were held accountable. Before long, em- called them out on their bad behavior, as Zekescoffee.com Inclusive ployees were calling each other out on en- they continuously blame each other, and gaging in this toxic behavior, rather than their weak manager for their work climate. Climate being complicit in it. This leader set the My colleague impressed upon them that If you have ever visited a farmer’s market tone … not only by setting these ground they created their own mess, and only they in Baltimore, you have probably seen and Employees often see themselves as pas- rules, but also delivering on her commit- can clean it up, but only if they really want- hopefully enjoyed a cup of Zeke’s coffee. sive recipients of a work climate, as if it ments, and by so doing, created trust in ed to. My colleague is beginning to think Nothing says “good morning” like the rich, is something that is created by the organi- her leadership, which helped create more they enjoy being destructive towards one smooth, fair trade ebony gold poured into zation for which they work. But the reality trust among the team members. It was another. After all, they have done nothing each cup. But there are more edible trea- is that employees co-create the climate, remarkable to see the difference in their to change the dynamic, so they must take sures to enjoy beyond what you find at one along with the manager/leader of the de- engagement scores from 2017 to 2018. some joy out of it, right? By addressing of the stands. partment. This leader sent a message early on that them head-on, my colleague had hoped Almost a decade ago, Tom Rhodes This is a fascinating topic to explore, this team was the author of their collective they would think twice before falling into opened Zeke’s first coffee house. Since and a continuous challenge. I recently reality, and they would influence how they their same patterns, but without a good discussed this topic with another HR pro- relate to one another. leader in place to help drive this change, it “Watching that fessional as we delved into three different Another team we discussed is led by a has not changed. departments within the same organization. very passive manager. She has not taken Lastly, we discussed the third depart- delicious egg yolk drip In all three departments, employees have a stand against this behavior, and her en- ment with a similar situation. Unlike the first department with a strong management all over the food is like change, and the second department with watching a high-price the weak manager, this department turned around because this department’s leader hooker slowly undress. RESIDENCES RESERVED: 70% was willing to take an inward look at her own behavior, and realized her manage- You know something RISK OF RESERVING: 0% ment team was shadowing her behaviors. good is about to She was able to lead bravely, to change how she reacted to situations, and began happen.” a transformation of herself and her own leadership style. She was able to show then, he has garnered an extensive fan others that they had the ability to change base, relocated to a much larger area, and themselves. This was another remarkable added an eclectic menu of food options. success story. With this leader, my HR col- Here, you can find the usual espresso and league took some learning from the “Fish tea drinks, along with the occasional spe- Philosophy” (Fishphilosophy.com) princi- cialty coffee drink. The daily food menu ples and found ways to create a climate largely caters to simple, fresh-made break- of “choosing your attitude”, an attitude of fast sandwiches, lunch pies, and a wide va- With construction starting soon on the Grand Expansion of positivity, every day. Even their patient riety of pastries and desserts such as fruit Roland Park Place, 70% of new residences are already spoken feedback scores have improved tremen- pies, cheesecakes, and other sweets. But dously, so others are seeing the results of the weekend hot breakfast specials have for. And when all it takes to reserve yours is a fully-refundable their transformation. often rocketed to the top of my to-do list. deposit, the only question left is, what are you waiting for? In conclusion, it is true that we create Each week, one of Baltimore’s best our own reality and that we can influence chefs, Shawn Lagergren, churns out one Make the intelligent choice. Call today: 443.338.6212 our own work climate. We should not ig- or two specialty items to start the day nore the impact a manager/leader has to right. From pancakes and Belgian waffles help drive the right work environment. I be- with fresh, seasonal fruit compote to orig- lieve it was Eldridge Cleaver who said, “If inal omelet creations, Lagergren turns the READY FOR MOVE-IN 443.338.6212 you are not part of the solution, you must most simple items into gourmet delicacies FALL 2020 RolandParkPlace.org be part of the problem.” t

Pending final approval from Maryland Department of Aging

30 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com dining out that will keep giving you new reasons to of the more creative weekends you will find American Classics & look forward to the weekend. Some of the Migas (a Latino scrambled egg dish with American Classics & standards each month include a house chorizo, tortilla strips, beans, and spicy Authentic Indian Cuisine made cream chip beef that isn’t too heavy peppers), and fried buttermilk chicken on on the cream or the stomach, shrimp and a house made biscuit with egg over-medi- grits with a peppery Cajun kick and fluffy, um. My favorite to date is the cheesesteak made-to-order omelets. Some and egg bagel sandwich with fried potatoes. Watching that delicious egg yolk drip all over the food is like watching a high-price hooker slowly un- •Saturday and Sunday Brunch 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. dress. You know something •Saturday and Sunday Brunch 9:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. good is about to happen! •Daily Lunch and Dinner •Dine-in or carry-out The specials menu is Severing the Community for 27 years! posted on Zeke’s site at the start of each new month so you can plan ahead. But even spur of the moment, this is a great place to start your day. If you’re lucky, you will find yourself there on a day when Lagergren makes his jalepeno cheddar bis- cuits. t

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BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 31 leather

and boots could sometimes give someone it is a very expensive city in which to live. he did not react well to being selected away. At the leather bars everyone had a He and his husband Jack Thompson and a runner-up. On the other hand, something “military look” and one could have anon- third member of the family, Andre, began wonderful did happen at IML, his husband ymous sex in the backroom, no need to to look at other cities that had an active Jack Thompson was selected over 67 con- bring anyone home. Geoff was always into leather community. They developed a list testants as International Mr. Leather 2019. Leather leather and soon became a part of San of what that wanted in their new city. Balti- Geoff says that he always knew what an Line Francisco’s leather community. He ex- more checked all the boxes. amazing man Jack is, now the whole world Rodney Burger plained that in many cities the leather com- In December 2018 his husband Jack knows. munity is simply a subculture of the LGBT was awarded the title of Leather Man of Geoff, Jack, and Andre are now very community, in San Francisco the leather Color 2019 at a contest held at the DC happy living in a beautiful colonial house. community is a powerful force to be reck- Eagle. In May they both traveled to Chi- As a kid who ran away from home to es- oned with. While working as a bootblack, cago as IML contestants. Prior to leaving cape his family, Geoff has now discovered A Long Geoff once had three San Francisco may- Baltimore they had a serious conversation that his chosen family is the most import- oral candidates in his chair. Geoff added about what happens if one wins the Mr. ant thing in the world to him. He is living that in the leather community a bootblack title but the other does not win the boot- his life as his true self. It has been a long Journey Home is not a “shoeshine man, like someone black title or vice versa. Geoff told me that journey home, but he got there. Who would working at a train station.” Bootblacking he really wanted to win the International have dreamed that home would be in Bal- —continued from page 1 is not just about providing a good service. Mr. Bootblack 2019 title and regrets that timore? t It is also sexual and erotic. He wanted to give back to the community but at that time when factories were closing, his mother there were no bootblacking leather titles in thought that the military was a good fit for San Francisco, so he ran for Mr. Daddy’s him. She also wrongly believed that the Barber- National Guard never actually went to war or was placed in harm’s way. She signed Geoff the papers and his military career began. Millard On September 11th, 2001 he was mobilized to the World Trade Center and spent six months at Ground Zero. Expo- sure to the dust and asbestos left him with a cough. His military career would last nine years and included two tours in Iraq. While in Iraq, Geoff joined an organization called Iraq Veterans Against the War (IVAW). This organization, founded in 2004, is made up of both active and inactive veterans who oppose the US military invasion and occu- pation of Iraq. As Geoff puts it, “I felt be- trayed by my country. This is a war built on lies.” Anger can be a strong motivator. In 2006 he traveled to Washington, DC, to protest the war. He noted that there was no IVAW presence there and was an ear- shop Leather 2017. The contest was a pre- ly member of the DC chapter. Consumed liminary to the Mr. San Francisco Leather by anger he became a street activist, but 2017 contest and he was awarded that soon discovered that real change could be title as well. Working in the San Francis- accomplished by working on the inside of co LGBT community taught him that activ- Capitol Hill. He worked with several sen- ism can come from anger, but it needs to ators and even briefed President Obama come from empathy. Love and the desire three times in the Oval Office. He de- to make people’s lives better is an even scribes President Obama as a brilliant man more powerful motivator. Over the years who is also unbelievably kind. Geoff was Geoff lost many older friends and lovers working for a religious non-profit that was to AIDS. There were many organizations not a good place for coming out. After six that could use his help. Traditionally Mr. years in DC, a job became available in a San Francisco Leather titleholders host a veteran’s organization in the San Francis- big fundraiser. That was not Geoff’s style. co area. It would give him an opportunity to He attended as many events as he could explore that part of his life that was hidden and donated the tips from his bootblacking for so long. chair to various charities. When he had the Although it was a time of “Don’t ask, opportunity to run for a bootblacking title don’t tell” military police would often stand he seized it and was awarded the title of outside gay bars in San Francisco looking California State Bootblack 2018. Although for service members. Those short haircuts he loves San Francisco, it is no secret that

32 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com Crab Feast at Clifton Pleasure Club July 10, 2019 Photos taken by Glenda Rider

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BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com t 35 AHF Wellness Center

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36 t BALTIMORE OUTLOUD august 2, 2019 • baltimoreoutloud.com