10 issue May 1999 1144

KEEP THE CAT FREE EST 1949 The Students' Newspaper at Imperial College Room Shortage for Future Students

(cost: £1.1 million) begin, and then in The College will face a serious shortfall the summer of 2001 the five year Fve- In available bed spaces for freshers By David Roberts lyn Gardens rolling refurbishment com within the next three years, which mences (cost: 12.5 million), which will threatens to throw the all-important take one hall out of action each year. guarantee of a hall room for every first Due to the College's policy that all year into doubt. non-academic areas (sports, resi The problem arises due to the fact XXXXKKXW) 2000 XXMMMMXM dences, catering etc) must break-even, that the number of bed spaces this in turn requires that the College required will rise over the next few "realise other assets from the Resi years from the present figure of 1686 -| qqq dences portfolio". In other words, the to over 2000 (due to ever-increasing bed spaces in Garden and Brabazon intake and the Wye merger) whilst the Halls will be sold off in summer 2001, number of rooms available will fall. 1600 and Montpelier and Olave Houses will The cause of the problem is the urgent disappear the following July. need to renovate practically every hall the College owns within the next five 1400 | Even greater problems will arise years, on Health & Safety grounds, in the availability of rooms for what the which in turn will bring about the sale -— 1 st Year bedspaces College describes as "priority students" of Montpelier, Garden, Brabazon and 1200 - ie Erasmus students, first year over Olave halls by the summer of 2002. -0-88% of 1st year numbers seas postgrads, re-apps, sabbaticals Moreover, whilst the current Resi etc. The sale of the halls already men dences Plan promises that "the Col 1000 August August August August August August tioned, coupled with a slight increase lege will continue with its...policy of 1999-2000 2000-2001 2001-2002 2002-2003 2003-2004 in student numbers means that within guaranteeing accommodation for first five years the College will be faced years", it does not suggest any way in with a short-fall of at least 200 beds which the current problem can be 88% as a result of the introduction of year. However, as soon as these addi (even when the guarantee of a room solved, instead investing in the hope fees. tional beds come on line, the two year for all final year medical students is that the number of students taking up The programme will begin with phased renovation of Southside (cost: withdrawn). hall offers will fall from the present the £13 million Beit refurbishment next £14.5 million) and the Weeks project

Housing Office Stands Firm Inside.. m

Information provided by the College's looking to vet properties before they Private Housing Office has raised By David Roberts are put onto College lists, which will Letters - Ian Caldwell 4 doubts over last weeks story entitled bring to an end one of the most fre "Accommodation's Adverse Advice". Office, confirming final valuations of quently cited problems with the. Editorial - Comment 5 The story alleged that a member of £75 a week for the smaller rooms and service. the office's staff had recommended a £80 a week for the medium rooms. The students concerned in the alle Columns-Matt Salter 6 40% increase in rent, from £65 a week She also denied that she had had a gations were unavailable for comment to £90 a week, to the owner of a prop conversation with any of the students this week, due to examinations. How Science - The new sci-fi 8 erty in West Brompton. However, the in question, and demonstrated that ever, a further update will appear later Private Housing Officer, Catherine the property in question has never this term, which will hopefully pro ArtS - Exhibition Roundup 10 John, has stated that "at no time did I been listed at £90 a week duce a consensus of opinion from the mention £90 a week" as an accept Mrs John explained how she. two sides involved. Film - eXistenZ 12 able rent for the rooms in question. approaches the issue of offering Until then Felix would like to apol She went on to say that she suggested advice on prices, "my remit has always ogise to any individuals who felt they MUS'IC - Ultrasound 14 to the landlady that "I can't see you been to look after the Imperial stu were misrepresented. The photo fea being able to achieve anything more dents and find them affordable accom tured was of the accommodation CameS - Shadowman 16 than £80 a week for your larger rooms, modation...if someone asks me for a office, not the private housing office, but for the smaller rooms I would sug professional opinion I will give my which is of course situated in the base SpOrt - Netball Tour 20 gest £70-75". The current rental price opinion - it's not my advice, it's my ment of the building. was confirmed by a copy of a letter opinion of what can be achieved". She Competition -results 20 from the landlady to the Housing also explained that she is increasingly News in May 1999 Sports Centre Faces Opposition

Plans for the development of the concerns were voiced. These included sports centre in Princes Gardens could By Gareth Morgan less light reaching buildings behind issue 1144 end up mired in planning problems the centre, and noise and light and objections from local res pollution. 10 May 1999 idents. The architects have A meeting of the Kens taken pains to ensure that Editor: Ed Sexton ington Association last month, the new buildings will not \ssistanl I ditor & I ilms Da\ id Roberts where plans were shown lo be out of character with the News team: Andy Ofori, Gareth various interested parties, area. Despite this, refer Morgan, Mansoor Choudhury gave the impression that res ences to Imperial's less than Music Editors: Dennis Patrickson idents of Montrose Court in glowing architectural record Sjason Ramanathan particular are unhappy with were made. One speaker Arts & Books Editor: Helena Cocheme the proposals. claimed that £20 million Games Editor: Gary Smith The scheme involves needed to be spent on "the Sports Editor: Gus Paul building on top of the existing Southside monstrosity", and Photographic Editors: Jonas Lindsay & sports centre, up to the level suggested that the Estates Rachel Urwin of the terraces next door. This department offices should would provide three floors of be converted into a sports Tea Maker: Imogen Lucas recreational space, and two centre. Cigarette Provider: Tim Wrighl floors of residencies - ear With the level of oppo Political Commentator: lain marked for visiting academics. sition evident at the meet McNaught A large sports hall is planned ing, developments seem Inopportune interruption & Distrac for the back of the building. doomed to become delayed tion provided by: Dave Hcllard Although those present at by negotiations, revisions Massive Lxam Stress provided by: Sir the meeting expressed relief The South Kensington Campus prepares to expand upwards and consultations. The Ronald Oxburgh kBL that there would be no stu Photo: Archive future of the sports centre is Stimulants & Relaxants courtesy of dent accommodation, several still far from decided. the Caravan of Love, Brixton Hope on the Horizon Clayponds Subwarden An enthusiastic applicant is sought for the post of Sub Warden at Clayponds Village, from mid May 1999. Clayponds is a com- for AIDS Sufferers munity of 309+ students (PG&UG) living in self-catering flats and houses and is situated in Ealing. Duties will include assist- An significant step vaccinated monkeys ing the Warden in the pastoral care of students, promoting forward in the war By Mansoor Choudhury were then tested social life and good order in the village and some general against AIDS has with large doses of administration. been made by Dr Harriet Robinson of HIV. The blood samples of these ani the Yerkes Regional Primate Research mals were later found to be totally The post is open to substantive members of College and would Centre (part of Emory University) in free of any traces of the virus while the suit someone with experience of pastoral care and a desire to Atlanta, Georgia. unvaccinated control monkeys were live in a student community. If successful, the applicant will Dr Robinson, the chief of the found to have up to a billion live in a rent-free studio flat in the village and will normally be Microbiology and Immunology viruses. resident in Clayponds throughout the year. research division, has developed a Up till now, AIDS sufferers have new vaccine which is reportedly very had to rely on a combination of drugs Application letters should state why you want the post and the effective in the treatment of HIV- to combat the effects of the ever- relevant qualities or experience you can bring to the team. infected monkeys. If the scheduled mutating virus. The treatment, Two referees should be given (including email addresses). tests on humans prove successful, a although generally effective in pro vaccine proficient in halting AIDS longing life, is prohibitively expensive This should be sent to Dr Mark Tyrer, Department of Materials, transmission could not be too far from for the vast majority of AIDS-sufferers Royal School of Mines as soon as possible. coming. who live in the Third World. If an effec Informal inquiries to: The vaccine itself was made from tive and cheap vaccine is developed, harmless fragments of both HIV and the number of people being infected Dr Mark Tyrer, Warden the simian version of the virus, SIV. The with AIDS (currently 16,000 per day) 1017159) 46860 Jyrer@fcJCJk animal's used in the experiment first should definitely undergo a massive had their immune systems primed by decrease and HIV could go the way of Mr Stewart Thompson, Assistant Warden a DNA vaccine. Their bodies were then smallpox. This however, is still a long [617159) 45451 [email protected] provoked into Immune responses by way away. The Terrance Higgins Trust Miss ioanne Christer, Sub Warden booster doses which had been and the British Medical Research Coun inserted into a pox virus. The pox virus cil meanwhile, have both given care 61713518173 Ixhrlstertgicjejak however, did not replicate itself. The ful welcomes to the report.

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: [email protected] Printed at MCP Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 - 16a Baldwins Gardens, London EC1N 7RJ Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040-0711 Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board. Copyright © Felix 1999. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers. 10 May 1999 News

Cannabis Comes to the Common

The International Cannabis Coalition's years old take cannabis. He summed up his march, held in South London on Saturday By Ed Sexton view of New Labour in one sentence,- "This May 1, has been heralded as a success. A government stupidly forces itself to lie and gathering of protesters, supporting the entertaining and inciting the crowd, many this simply meant the ability to break arrogantly disapproves of the recreational legalisation of cannabis, joined other becoming silent as it passed Electric the law in public. The organisers saw the putsuits of millions of really good people." marchers in London as traditional bank Avenue, the site of the Brixton bomb. event as a success, however, as it demon Back in the crowds sprawled on the holiday demonstrations took place around By the time they entered Clapham strated that "grass root action" can be as grass the mood was jubilant. No arrests the capital. Common for what was to become a long effective as national media campaigns, were made and there were no incidents; Demonstrators gathered on Rush afternoon festival, the crowds had swelled such as that organised by the Independent superintendent David Geotge said he was Common in Brixton late on Saturday morn to an estimated 5000, although police on Sunday last year. "very happy" with how the event pro ing. At the same time a protest organised sources mentioned 8000. The common Howard Marks, the famous former gressed. Protesters, mostly stoned, agreed; by the anti-Nazi league began marching its was filled with sound systems, stalls, music drugs-smuggler turned writer, spoke at the "I think it's been very peaceful" commented way from Brixton to central London, in a tents and speakers. The 'cannabis festival' festival. Defending his view, he claimed one. When asked why they were at the demonstration against the nail-bombings was the highlight of the day, although for that two thirds of all British voters under 25 march, two young men replied "to support of recent weeks. Indeed, it had been it, and because we smoke a lot of weed". rumoured that the cannabis march may Few of those enjoying the afternoon sun itself be a target of the bombers. Super seemed to think the festival would have intendent David George, who headed the any political consequences, however. police operation surrounding the march, Danny Kushlick, spokesman for Transform, confirmed that the route was indeed who campaign for drug policy reform, checked for explosive devices during the agreed; "I don't know whether rallies like morning; "we had to treat very seriously the this actually change anything, and we are safety of policemen and the public" he deluding ourselves if we think that they explained. do". As it was the 3000 strong crowd left The festival was due to end at 8.30pm, Rush Common on schedule at 12.30pm, It was a warm evening, however, and heading for Clapham Common. The mood many stayed on until much later. This did was happy and peaceful and, although not bother the authorities, though; David there was little evidence of a real campaign George sympathised with those that in progress, both organisers and police stayed; "it was a nice evening, so under were satisfied by the outcome. A sound sys standably some people stayed until 11pm, tem led the march for much of the way, and so we obviously stayed with them." 4 Letters & small Ads 10 May 1999 East Meets West Apology Caldwell Replies. Don't just read Dear Sir, In response to last week's letter

[email protected] It has recently been brought to my Dear Editor, wntef ^x X58072 attention that a complaint was made Or drop into the office one lunchtime by the Sikh Society with regards to a With response to N Royall's letter, I'm comment made during one of the afraid I have no link with Caldwell Invest comedy sketches in East meets West ments (which sounds like good news if 1998. the information is correct). StudentsNET - www.studentsnet.co.uk The comment made was referring Can I suggest however you watch to a white man wearing a turban, 'take "The Caldwell Partners", a Canadian Firm Do you need help with your studies? that turban off, you look like shit... of Executive Search Consultants whose Bloody Care in the Community!!' As he motto is "Never Underestimate the Do you need to find a job or somewhere to live? was addressed, the white man was importance of people" standing next to an Asian man pointed StudentsNET is a 'one-stop' FREE internet site specifically designed for students at out as being Sikh. The point of the joke all stages of Higher Education. was that the white man was a lunatic In response to last week's Voice of Reason and did not understand what he was This service provides a vast network of online information pertaining to study doing. In no way whatsoever was any Dear Simon, help, job vacancies, online chat and shopping. Its latest feature is the 'accommo offence intended to any members of dation' channel, a service dedicated to provide an online information source of the Sikh religion. In retrospect, we see You and I are in danger of agree housing available for students. that offence may have been caused to ing)!)...With regard to your comments people who may not have compre on fire signage, I personally also have hended the origin of the joke. We concerns about the level of signage the Membership is free for all students would also like to point out at this College has to adopt. I too think that a stage that Sikhs were consulted with call point is self evident and does not regards to this matter, and they found need to be signed. Indeed the way no problems with the original line. things are going in a few years we will Slnfonia 21 Obviously these views were not rep have signs pointing to other signs. We resentative of the Sikh Society, and do, however, have an legal obligation to Saturday 15 May, 7.30pm in the Great Hall we accept this. follow national - and indeed European Please accept our unreserved guidelines - in these matters. The A tribute to Jonathan Harvey at 60 apologies for any offence we may assumption is that a visitor/stranger to a have caused. department, who may not be familiar Conductor: Martyn Brabbins with the layout of the building, may have Violin: Elizabeth Layton Yours sincerely, to react quickly. "Tickets £10 / £4 - FREE ENTRANCE for IC STUDENTS The Writers of Comedy Regards (student number must be supplied) Ian Caldwell Booking and Information line open now! 0171 59 (49359)

Bicycle Hospital 'Sweet Like Chocolate' Funmail Deadline for letters for Promo for sale Are you ©mashed.co.uk at the week |Second-hand Bikes for sale on campus ends and then @skint.co.uk and is 12noon Wednesday. (Shanks & Bigfoot's massive single, com @burntout.co.uk during the week? Bike repairs on campus. ming out 17th May, sure top ten hit, pro |Your alter ego can now be revealed by| Please Include the words motional copy fOR SALE, on very limited email and for FREE thanks to Funmail, edition chocolate-coloured brown vinyl the web-based email service. 'Letter for Publication' in Email James at 12"), includes S&B mix & edit, plus Ruff Choose your own domain name from Drlverz mix & dub. a selection of over 2500! the header of letters. [email protected]. Offers to 07712 006036 / del 97 www.funmall.co.uk/0171 7341133

Letters may be edited for Wednesday 12 May Camping for the Eclipse Computer Programming length, but will not be From Machine to Musici Plots available on beautiful moorland Tuition camping ground. altered in.any other way. Jonathan Harvey talks about his music Enjoy the last total eclipse this millen Having trouble with your computing involving electronics, with illustrations.' nium in the midst of fantastic scenary. course? Letters need not be signed, Friendly tuition by IC computing gradu Haldane Collection, Central Library Low rates, beautiful surroundings. ate but a swipe card must be

Level 1 at 18.45. For more information call Email James at shown when submitting

All welcome. 01822 810911 [email protected] anonymous letters. 10 May 1999 Editorial & Giveaway 5

ing this period, and preferably get out of Felix under Fire London altogether. Try Camden on a Summer Ball 1999 and Felix present: Saturday afternoon - it'll do you more I don't know - why do I bother? What good than staring at soil mechanics Win a very large quantity of Jelly with the private housing office, non notes for another five hours. existent news (and no writers anyway), I have found the ultimate in exam Bellys, and a classic dispenser! and Dave Hellard's cautionary notes distraction activities, which is strange as (see Presidential feedback, page 7), I don't have exams, film Lour. Unlike

I've had just about enough of this Sky Film channels you don't feel guilty That's right, the beautiful antique3 pic Terms and Conditions week. As for the first of those; some watching it, because the films are actu tured below, filled with hundreds of body's lying, be it student or staff, I ally worth watching. If you've got cable grams of Jelly Bellys, can be yours to 1 Each person purchasing a summer ball don't know. To be honest I'm not sure and were considering getting it, be love and cherish. And the best part is, ticket can only be entered in the draw how much I care. As for Mr Hellard, just warned - you'll need a stash of video you'll be helping refugees from once. don't get me started on the fish tank. tapes and a programmable video Kosovo at the same time. 2 The minimum donation is £1, May I advise all of you to only approach recorder, or else kiss that degree good When you buy your sum but there is no maximum... me if you bring sacrificial Marlboro bye. mer ball ticket, available from elix does not guarantee (reds or lights). the Union Office, donate £1 the prize is an antique. to the Kosovo Fund (there'll 4 Felix does not guarantee Only Joking... or am I? be a box knocking about |. it still operates, and will Nothing was stirring... somewhere) and your ' not accept responsibility Well, that's the annual T hate this job, name will be entered into . for lost coinage. ...not a fucking sausage, as John I hate students, sod everything' edito draw for the prize! Only thos ) Felix does not guarantee Cleeves once put it. Well, I guess you rial out of the way. What do I mean? buying Summer Ball ticket you will like Jelly Bcllys, but lot can't be blamed - you've got years Well, every job gets to you occasionally, can enter the draw, the we do. to pass, finals to complete, city jobs to and sabbaticals are no exception. If result of which will be 6 Felix doesn't guarantee get... Even outside IC there isn't a lot you have to write hundreds of words announced sometime much really, does it? happening; a few bombs here and each week for thirty odd issues, you after tickets are sold out - i | 7 Open to IC students and there, some tornadoes in the States... might as well use one of them to or maybe even on tf riendly staff who read oh, and some uninteresting war in a denounce the world. My predecessor night itself! Felix. remote part of Europe. All rather dull, made the mistake of choosing the final really. issue to vent his frustration, which was Such is the exam season at IC, and unfortunate. I would hope to paint a KOSOVO APPEAL it can take its toll. It is absolutely vital to more cheerful picture with my last your physical and mental well-being that words - the emphasis in that sentence Call us now - 0870 60 60 900 you leave SW7 at least once a week dur is definitely on 'hope'... - Ed

Transport Update 1998 1999 8 Coaches to transport 1100 people. 22 Coaches to transport 1500 people. Unreliable Company Reliable Company

Many of you still remember the result Everyone will get there on time! 6 Columns 10 May 1999

Right Angles The Rising Sun

Guinness & The Guardian

he other day I paid just shy of ence between the cost ing off for a late lunch at another beer or a plate of yakitori (a £3.50 for a four-day-old copy of of a four-day-old copy of Matt Salter a roadside noodle bar sort of Japanese chicken satay) escapes T The Daily Telegraph. As anyone The Guardian and a sim that had apparently me, but as they were the ones in pos who knows me will tell you, under nor ilarly superannuated Issue of The Tele appeared in the gutter overnight. It session of the large, razor-sharp knives, mal circumstances I would only buy graph, which was a snip at Y 700. really was great to see him again, and I wasn't about to argue the toss. the aforementioned reactionary rag at In my (fairly wide) experience of while I undexterously chased some Several hours and many large cups gun-point. But these were definitely overseas living, being an ex-pat is by ramen round in a bowl and out onto of the local sake later, we stumbled out not normal circumstances. Had I taken turns a truly wonderful and truly dread the floor we caught up on old times. of the restaurant with the staff bawling leave of my senses? Possibly. Was I in ful business. The benefits of living in a This activity is a pretty similar procedure out their thanks and entreaties to come the grip of a ruthless conman? Maybe. country rather than simply passing in Japanese as it is In English, as peo again in our wake, and wove our way Am I back in Japan again? Got it in through are obvious - however hard ple graduate and get jobs, get married, down the street to another bar, improb one, or more accurately in three. Wel they try, Messrs. Thomas Cook and father children out of wedlock, and ably called the Pig and Whistle which come to the Land of the Rising Yen. Or, Funn Poly can't hope to have minor brushes my friend proudly informed me was a in the case of this columnist, welcome show you everything. "...every leftie with the law in Japan "traditional British pub". And by golly he back. On the other hand, just as much as they was right - you might as well have been When I was young enough to travelling around on a has his price, and do in Britain, except for in the Ennismore Arms, a point which come eye-to-knee with the proverbial tourist visa at least car the fact that they do it I am not ashamed to admit brought a grasshopper, the closest the average ries the advantage of mine WOUld appear allln Japanese (double tear to my eye. The moistness round gaijin (foreigner) got to Japan was sit the possibility of going back somersault with rims became even more pronounced ting on the pillion of the Honda FZ50 home if it all starts to tO be 150 Yen..." two-and-a-half twists - when I saw that they were serving real owned by the brother of the boy next get a bit much - not an degree of difficulty 3.5). draught Guinness and then turned into door. Back in those days, all most of us option open to those who have been No matter what city one is in, there a veritable flood when I realised how knew about the Japanese was that they foolhardy enough to sign up for an is only so long that one can walk much a pint was going to cost me. At regularly ate fish containing lethal tox extended Tour of Duty. around without getting hungry again Y 800 (£4.20) a pop, this place made ins, got off on watching dangerously The somewhat nebulous concept and after several hard hours of milling "crazy Fondon prices" look like the overweight men wrestling in the semi- of 'cultural differences' is frequently about aimlessly, we were back on the height of reasonableness. I must admit nude, and that every so often their banded about at this juncture in an nosebag, this time in a Japanese-style that they'd gone out of their way to capital city got flattened by a radioac effort to explain why living in a foreign pub. Such establishments are called capture the authentic atmosphere of a tive dinosaur. Thankfully, largely due to country (any one will do, take your izakaya, the Chinese characters for British ale house though, right down to the proliferation of affordable sushi pick) can sometimes be more stressed which can be neatly translated as "a the sticky puddles of beer on the bar restaurants, the growing popularity of than blessed. But in the event it is room where there is alcohol". My kind and soggy fag ends in the urinals. As I Manga, and the greater availability of often not so much this that makes the of joint. My friend had wanted to go for sank the first of many pints of Pure Japanese beer, we now live in more ex-pat feel all at sea. In my case, to noodles again but I insisted upon this Genius I began to take in my sur enlightened times. However, there is paraphrase the recent BT commercial type of restaurant because they are roundings and for the first time in still a lot to learn about this place that "for me it is the little things" that peri reasonably cheap, normally have a weeks I began to feel at ease. In fact, cannot simply be gleaned from hang odically make me feel like I've arrived good range of alcoholic beverages on so relaxed was I, that when I was chal ing around Waga- from another sale, but above all lenged to a game mama, watching "...as they were the dimension through they serve food "...at £4.20 a pop, of darts, I made lit Akira and drinking a wormhole In the which is relatively tle protest and, a couple of cans of ones in possession of space-time contin easy to pickup with this place made "crazy although at this Sapporo Super Dry. uum, rather than chopsticks. Even point I was on the My latest bout the large, razor-sharp off an All Nippon better than that, London prices" look point of losing the of re-education Airways 747 from there arc lots of ability to focus, I began in the knives, I wasn't about to Heathrow. Things things on skewers like the height of felt the spirit of Kinokuniya Book like having to which you can just John Bull well up shop under Umeda ardue the toss..." stump up £4.50 for pop into your reasonableness within me (or station in down a copy of The Grua- mouth and remove maybe it was heart town Osaka. I had arranged to meet an niad, things like suddenly finding that with your teeth. While this does mean burn brought on by too much raw old friend from my Tohoku University needing size 11 shoes qualifies you as that you run the risk of perforating squid) and I strode purposefully up to days, for raw fish and a few bottles of a medical freak, things like having to your ulvula, at least you don't end up the oche. Kirin Lager Beer (as advertised on TV by pay the equivalent of approximately scrabbling around trying to pick food I think it is safe to say that by the Harrison Ford, incidentally) in the locale. £380 simply for the privilege of having items out of your shirt pocket where it time I left the Pig and Whistle, the Arriving half-an-hour early, I'd decided a telephone number. However it's not fell after you jumped out of your skin Japanese had a radically different view to kill a bit of time browsing in the all gloom. Living in Japan does have when one of the waiters, standing of the current state of British darts. aforementioned aircraft hanger-sized many plus points, for example: 1) food directly behind you, suddenly bellowed And, regretfully, leave I did. It was time bookstore. Living in a foreign country so fresh that it frequently arrives at a greeting to a new customer who has to go. As my friend and I staggered out can be a daunting business at the best your table still in its death throes, 2) a just entered the shop. The staff shout of this delightful establishment, I gave of times and one of the things that very low crime rate, 3) beer in vending a lot at izakayas. They scream a wel the barmaid, who was now looking helps the disorientated ex-pat through machines. come at you when you come through much better than she did when I had the first few tender weeks is being able Eventually my friend showed up the door, bawl cheerfully when you come in, a Paddington Bear-style hard to get one's favourite paper from and after a bit of mutual back-slapping are changing out of your shoes into stare and warned her that if she didn't home. Although I found mine, I could and many a "hisashiburi desu ne" (long ludicrously small slippers and they call get some Sarah Hughes Dark Ruby by n't lift my heart high enough to fork out time no see), he took me off around out the name of every single dish when the next time, there just might not be the Y 850 (£4.50) necessary for its pur central Osaka and showed me the loca they bring it to your table. Quite why a next time. However, I don't think she chase. Every leftie has his price and tion of such essential facilities as Tower they feel the need to inform every believed me, and in my heart of hearts, mine appears to be Y 150, the differ- Records and Burger King, before head body in the room whenever you order neithet did I. 10 May 1999 Columns 7

Medics Under Surveillance Microsoft Megalomania is aware of instances where students have I don't have to don beach wear to be been issued with Outlook accounts, and comfortable in my office?" Evidence of

Big Brother has been called into the BMS We can relax in the knowledge that every the CCS refuses to provide the necessary control at a more supreme level can be to attempt to restore order to rowdy single e-mail system in use here at the MIT information to allow them to use other seen on Level Five, the location of the Rec medical lectures. Television cameras of Europe, is a lot bet mail programs. tor's suite, where there is a switch which installed in Lecture Theatre One in the ter than the archaic appears to select between the seasons BMS building as part of the School of text only e-mail system summer and winter. Medicine's new Interactive video teach available to students Time Control ing system have been found another at Oxford. The IC e- use. Sneaky staff are spying on the mail system is under Whilst investigating the Fish Tank Foible wannabe doctors' behaviour during lec going a period of strange behaviour of tures. This covert operation is the Med change, with the trend the clocks in the We, as students, are quite rightly very crit ical School's response to harmless but being towards the use physics building, Kevin ical of some of the college's outrageous childish behaviour of some of the of Microsoft Exchange has made an interest spending on items such as the infamous wannabe doctors. Medics are renowned servers, and Microsoft A Mostly Harmless Column by ing discovery. All clocks imported granite, and six figure sums for their exuberant and flamboyant and Outlook. Some peo Kevin, a random entity who of any significance spent on flower beds. I am waiting to see generally over the top reactions to lec ple appear to be quite knows nothing about nothing within IC, including what reaction there will be to the pro tures, regularly applauding excellent lec happy to assist In those behind the bars posed spending of three to five hundred tures, and explicitly ignoring boring ones. increasing Bill Gate's fortunes even more in the union, are controlled centrally from pounds by ICU on a Fish tank! Kevin would Evidently the bigwigs in the medical by using Microsoft products. However Sherfield. I fear this is only part of an quite happily direct them to some very life school on hearing of this have decided this view is far from universal, as within the escalating attempt for complete control. like, and relaxing screen savers, which to clamp down. Students have been IC community we also have people who It was only recently reported in IC Distorter can do a reasonable job of simulating fish, warned that the videos will be watched, object to the use of Outlook, people such that control of heating systems will be which are a lot cheaper and a lot less has and perpetrators Identified if a lecturer as Apple Mac evangelists like Kevin, pen handed over and controlled by a central sle, and if intelligently used could give an complains of "bad behaviour" during guin lovers, and plain luddites - with a computer. Let's hope they get it right, equally "fantastic" result, and without the their lectures. Kevin hopes that even fond attachment to PINE, all have under and we no longer find world class Linux high maintenance costs of live fish. though this is only affecting first year standable objections to this forced obsessed materials scientists asking: medics at the moment, the Medical change. The fact that the change has "When is the IC heating going to be Send ideas and contributions to Union will strongly oppose this action. been made by force is undeniable, Kevin adjusted to the current mild conditions so [email protected]

Presidential Talk-Back

f Felix are short of news or want to all you have to do is sign up on the wind up some people, a headline board outside of the Union Dinning Hall The Epton Cup '99 about sports with ten seconders fields isn't too far David Hellard, ICU President and turn up with as away. Although the many people as you Capital Investment can to vote for you Plan does allocate £3 (every full time stu million to the sports dent has a vote.) centre from a ratio Every year the nalisation of College Union awards colours sports fields, to draw for service to the any conclusions as to Union. The Union what may happen is awards Half Colours, purely reactionary. Full Colours, Out The attitude of a lot standing Service

of students I have :i Award, Ihe Imperial spoken suggests that College Union Fel- rd they think whoever 1 lowship and the Sunday May 23 shouts the loudest, Imperial College 'don't sell our Union Distinguished In Hyde park, ground, sell theirs, because we play here' Fellowship. Nominations have to have will retain their preferred sports ground. reached me by 5pm Monday 31st May Thankfully I believe the issue will come and if you feel anyone is worthy of any by the tennis courts down to what is best for student sport of these CV point winning awards, just and not politics, for this Frank Murray's pop into the Union and ask me for a view of a new ground closer to College nominations form. Women's Kick off 2.30pm would be ideal. For those Mature Students still bitter Elections are upon us. There is an about the London Transport Discount Annual General Meeting in the Union on Scheme, last Friday the LT Board Men's Kick off 3.30pm the 28th of May in which every Officer reviewed whether or not to extend the of the Union has to report what they scheme to over 25s, HI tell you the results have done during the year. Anyone can next week. B-B-Q and Boat races then question the officers on their Positions up for grabs are: Accom reports. Also at the Annual General modation Officer, Equal Opportunities at Southside 7.00pm Meeting will be the elections of most of Officer, Community Action Group Chair, the Officers for next year. If you want to Council Chair, Postgraduate Group Chair, be more involved in the Union or want Rag Chair, Summer Ball Chair, Transport to be any of the positions listed below, Officer, Welfare Officer, Women's Officer. II Science 10 May 1999 New Scientists Lyndsey Clark Examines The New Face Of Science Fiction

y faith in contemporary cinema has been restored! - The Faculty. All the self-reflexive, MiI postmodernis t irony of Scream, the Ameri can high school ideology of the 80s, and it's Sci-Fi too! What more could you want in a film? I must confess here to being slightly biased on account of the fact that I am a self-confessed Sci-Fi nut. I'm sure there are plenty of you sympathisers out there but, let's face it, IC Is a pretty unique place in some respects. With The Faculty something truly amazing has happened Sci-fi has become cool. Not 'Cool' like Babylon 5 or New Labour, but really cool like Urban Sportswear or 'Utility Chic'. Like most Science Fiction, of course there isn't a scientist to be found in The Faculty. And of course it's the kids who save the day (their knowledge gleaned from sci-fi movies of the past). But even when films have scientists in them, something has changed recently. Just when we were getting used to some nice, comfortably predictable, stereotypes, there springs a new breed of movie scientist. Some people think these representations of scientists and science in popular culture could actually affect our choice of career and whether to become 'real' sci entists or not. So what is this image that's supposed to be penetrating our subconscious? Classic narrative tension in the pull between character driven stories and plot driven ones has always been glaringly apparent in Sci-Fi. We either get good rounded characters and really predictable plots, like the Frankenstein thing in Jurassic Park or the clas sic invasion in Independence Day. Or we get good and original stories but with flat and lifeless charac ters. The former approach, concentrating on char acter, is a more recent phenomena. Our new breed of scientific hero is a complex creature, reflecting its lineage as much as it rebels against It. It is natural that Sci-Fi and the scientists we find there evolve as sci ence advances and our society's attitudes change. driven plots and towards character driven ones. Two obsessively recycles and preaches at others to do the After the ups and downs of the discovery and use of rather interesting recent examples are Jurassic Park same. He is the one who is vehemently against the nuclear weapons, scientists suffered some really bad and Independence Day. use of nuclear weapons while the president and press. But, to our post Cold War generation, the One of the most interesting things about Juras military arc keen. This is not an uncommon counter physicists have become somewhat impotent. Power, sic Park is that, although the geneticists are the bad reaction to the idea that scientists arc amoral and we know, lies in the hands of governments and not guys, there are other characters who are also scien ruined mankind by giving us the power of knowledge scientists. Heroism has come to be associated with tists. Palaeontologists have always been pretty cool in the first place. Now that the power and control of the suppression rather than the use of new knowl by virtue of the fact that dinosaurs are cool, but the nuclear weapons has passed out of the hands of the edge. Our hero scientist is a rebel and maverick most Interesting character has to be Dr Ian Malcom. scientists, we increasingly see scientists as the char who rejects the scientific and political institutions to As the chaos mathematician, Jeff Goidblum plays Mal acters who are aware of the consequences and try do what he (or why not even 'she'?) thinks is best. com without any of the usual stereotypes of math to encourage restraint. The scientist is now more human and is neither ematics. While the geneticists forge carelessly ahead But this is all an aside really. What we want to inherently good nor evil, so there is more scope for with no thought for the consequences of meddling know is what effects all this might have on us young rounded characterisation in Sci-fi. with nature, Malcom advocates caution and respect and impressionable characters starting out in the Science Fiction, as a genre, has been forced to for the natural order of things. world of science. Are we all being subliminally brain change in the late 1990s. We have already sent men Independence Day presents a traditional model washed into scientific careers, by the whims and fan into space, found no little green invaders on Mars, of the Sci-Fi film, with the three heroes representing cies of popular culture? Personally, I think it's probably released the power of the atom, and cloned living government, military and science. The scientist in too early to tell. We, after all, are children of the eight mammals. As we fast approach the 21 st century our question is again played by Jeff Goldblum and dis ies and chose to start down the track to a science imaginations have turned away from dreams about plays all the required characteristics of the new sci career before this new breed of supersensitive sci the science of the future. Modern films tend to be entist. He rides a bike in order to save the entist was born. But next time you go home, listen set in the present day with technology we can eas environment (did we all appreciate the irony in the to what your little brother or sister is saying - you ily conceive as existing already or in the very near fact that he encounters some inconvenience in sav could be witnessing the birth of a new generation of future. This is why we see a move away from story ing the world because he doesn't have a car?), he scientist. *CU Your Union - Run for You 10 Arts 10 May 1999 10 May 1999 Arts ii A yty H Cghllghty

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illiam Kentridge (bom in 1955) The method employed to pro ackson Pollock's frenzied paintings Critics revel in psycho-analysing his I I lis temporary installation is a show- SuQcit and Syrup includes images by asily Kandinsky, pioneer of the Besides being gifted with a pho is a powerful South African duce his graphic portrayals is are a feast for overactive imagina troubled personal life, marred by self- I case for the V&A's acclaimed 300,000- a variety of international photographers abstract style, was something of a tographic memory, Kandinsky was a W film artist. Rather than being unique. After drawing the first frame J tions. When you squint at the ani destructive bouts of depression and I strong collection of photographs. Far working between 1845 to 1998, applying Vmature prodigy. He abandoned diagnosed synaesthesic - distinct specifically concerned with apartheid, - with charcoal and sparse use of mated swirls, each observer invariably alcoholism. His untimely death undoubt from being incoherent, the phenomenal a variety of traditional as well as uncon an auspicious career in law at the age shades of colours stimulated power he explores wider issues of suffering. pastel colours - he photographs it. forges his own original interpretation. edly fuelled his icon status. Jackson Pol diversity turned out to be a refreshing and ventional techniques. The exhibition of 29 to study art. ful sounds and sensations in his The films he creates are potent attacks Next he modifies and reforms the During the late 1940s, Pollock dis lock is an inspirational, if somewhat stimulating asset. The contrasting styles explores the evolution of the medium The substantial collection of prints, brain. on contentious aspects of society, par image, blending and erasing. This carded the conventional brush and laid tortured and intangible figure. The mon and topics range from landscapes to throughout the century in an attempt to sketches, watercolours and gouaches The most fascinating element of ticularly with regard to the injustices of step by step approach leaves trace his canvas down on the studio floor. umental scale of his mature designs is abstract compositions, from glamorous prove its overwhelming significance as a provides a comprehensive overview of the exhibition was the inclusion of a the capitalist system. This artist Is not markings of the previous frames, This radical 'action painting' - the appli at once intimidating and breathtaking; celebrity pictures to provocative fashion contemporary form of art. As the author Kandinsky's innovative artistic evolution video, showing the artist at work. afraid to deal with contentious, pow showing the passage of time within cation of paint by pouring and splatter vibrant and glorious in the flesh, they shots. The picture of two students semi-con Emil Zola explained, "Our artists have to throughout the 20th century. Initially Within a matter of minutes, a blank erful issues head on and close up. For every moment. He does not pull any ing - earned him the nickname 'Jackthe must be seen to be believed and scious on a sofa after a night at the union find the poetry in train stations, the way influenced by Russian fairytales and reli page was covered in dynamic swirls those turned off by politics, it is quite punches. Very original, very striking. Dripper'. His eloquent work has been entirely appreciated. will almost certainly conjure up fond mem their fathers found the poetry in forests gious icons, Kandinsky's folkloric motifs and grids, revealing his swift and possible to appreciate the work just for described as the visual equivalent of ories. Each skilled composition is brought and rivers." gradually evolved towards the intrinsi spontaneous approach to art. to life by its dynamic texture. "A photograph its vigorous energy. jazz improvisations. cally geometric, non-figurative compo is not an accident - it is a concept." H sitions for which he is renowned. H

UvytCb 30th Hay Untd/ 6thJUYKJ^ Uattl/August Untd^thJuly

Admission; FREE Admission: £7.50, concessions £5 Admission: FREE to students Admission: £6, students £4 Nearest tube: South Kensington Nearest tube: Pimlico Nearest tube: South Kensington Nearest tube: Green Park Opening hours: daily 10am - 6pm Opening hours: daily 10am - 5.40pm Opening hours: daily 10am - 5.45pm Opening hours: daily 10am - 6pm (Fri (Mondays from 12) days in May until 8.30pm) 12 Film 10 May 1999 Reviews eXistenZ ***

Starring : Jennifer Jason Leigh, Jude Law, Willem Dafoe, Ian Holm, Christopher Eccleston Director: David Cronenberg

fter the over-indulgent, barely- the point he's trying to drive home. releaseable fetish-fest that was The reason it succeeds, however, is A Crash, Hollywood decided that Cronenberg's sensible decision not to they'd bankrolled David Cronenberg's blind us with too much techno-babble. warped dreams for long-enough, and Instead, we're carried along by his abil dropped him as fast as possible. After ity to tell a story on a variety of levels - all, all his best work - The Fly, indeed this is as much an old-fashioned Videodrome and Scanners - was pro love story (boy and girl brought together duced well over ten years ago, and on the run, seemingly with nothing in since then he's consistently been loos common, have to protect each other...) ing money and raking in some very bad as sci-fi or fantasy. He's ably assisted in publicity. Consequently, eXistenZ this task by the stars, with Jason Leigh in comes to you courtesy of a dozen dif particular bouncing back from some ferent arts funds and 'Natural Nylon appaling roles to the kind of sexy, emo Entertainment' whatever that might be. tive form that brought her to stardom Suffice to say, it's not exactly the most (The Hudsucker Proxy and Single White awe-inspiring set of opening credits Female). you've ever seen. The film hasn't even Strange it undoubtedly is nonethe started, and you're already fearing the Jennifer Jason Leigh is the future ofDoC students? Sadly, I don't think so. less, and if you're not prepared to be worst... wincing one minute and laughing the ...but within five minutes you're spines doesn't come across as nearly as become blurred - despite game-play next, eXistenZ won't be for you. How hooked. eXistenZ is probably just as idiotic as it undoubtedly does from that strangely reminiscent of the Commodore ever, if you accept that Cronenberg sim weird as any of his other work, but Cro single-sentence description. Anyway, 64 (you have to say one specific line of ply uses weirdness as a tool to tell a nenberg has recaptured the accessibility none of that's really important, as it's dialogue, otherwise the characters story in an engaging way, you'll be that's essential If you want to tell a story actually a simultaneously scary and funny become stuck in a loop). The only down rewarded with one of the most thought like this to a non sci-fi audience. Conse look at the future of humanity in an side is that in his quest for mass appeal provoking movies of the year. A definite quently a story about games run by increasingly technological world. Para he clearly feels compelled to make the must for DoC students in need of moral attaching genetically created 'pods' into noia and techno-fear abound, as the message blindingly clear, and conse guidance.Q 'bioports' situated in the base of players divisions between fantasy and reality quently it won't take a PhD in Film to spot Dave

The Waterboy * * * Starring : Adam Sandler, Kathy Bates, Henry Winkler, Fairuza Balk Director: Frank Coraci

here are those amongst us who dictable and obvious - but it's incredibly bemoan the triumph of lowest- entertaining nonetheless. You really root T common denominator comedy as for Sandler, as the modern equivalent of the "death of modern culture", and until the American DreamTpoor. not particu last summer, I was amongst them. larly bright boy becomes a celebrity Movies like Kingpin and Dumb & through sport), and he rewards with great Dumber have very little going for them comic timing and some top-drawer gags. besides an endless succession of the Thankfully for prospective UK audi kind of gags that make Carry On films ences, the sports action requires no look cultured. Last summer, however, I knowledge of the rules. Just accept that , saw There's Something About Mary'and every time Sandler hits someone hard my faith was restored, simply because it (you'll know they're hurt thanks to some was so God damn funny. Thankfully, unpleasant sound effects) it's A Good The Waterboy continues the trend, Thing, and it'll all make sense. In fact, it's proving that it's possible to make a his sporting prowess that provides the movie brilliantly funny despite the fact most reliable gags, and every time the that it expects you to leave your brain at story seems to be flagging, he'll put in the door. another hilariously effective tackle on the (increasingly petrified) quarterback. It's an out and out Adam Sandler The Deep South.- the land that fashion forgot. Ultimately, The Waterboy is a one-joke vehicle (sadly Winkler and Balk aren't film - but it's a joke that's delivered in given enough screen time to make an a cliche-ridden southern idiot - a 31 year lowly College team. Or so it would seem enough different disguises to keep you impact), and it's a credit to his comedic old who still lives with his mother (and unlil he hitches up with Winkler's inept laughing out loud for the regulation versatility that he manages to make his her horse), idolises professional wrestlers, squad, and finds his true calling as the ninety minutes. Q entirely two-dimensional character into a never went to High School and hits the greatest Linebacker in history. likeable hero. He plays Bobby Boucher, peak of his career as a waterboy for a Sure, it's hideously sterotypyed, pre Dave 10 May 1999 FlIlYI 13 Reviews & competition Artemisia *** Starring : Valentina Cervi, Michel Serrault, Miki Manojlovic PDATE Director: Agnes Merlet

I t's never a particularly good sign Out of Sight I when the press release for a new Finally George Clooney breaks into the I movie explains that it's a biopic of big-time through yet another brilliant someone you've never heard of. In this Elmore Leonard (Get Shorty, Jackie case, it's Artemisia Gentileschi, who was Brown) adaptation, which somehow (apparently) "the first significant female merges old-fashioned caper flick with figure in western art". Ever heard of romantic comedy. (George Clooncy is her? No, I thought not. the Cary Grant of the nineties? Hmm, On the other hand, the benefit of maybe not). Sexy, funny and enthralling, not having a clue who or what the it's simply one of the best films of '98, movie's about is to allow the writer and thanks to a brilliant combination of per director to pretty much make up large fect acting (from Clooney, Jennifer fopcz chunks of the artist's life. Consequently, and Ving Rhames), a cracking script and whether or not this tale of doomed love spot-on direction from Steven Sodcr- actually bears any relationship to reality berg (Sex, Lies and Videotape) - which is somewhat questionable - either way, has catapulted him back into the big- it makes for an engaging story. You see, time. If you haven't already seen it, then the young lady in question was a very do so. At once. gifted artist, with a tendency to paint subjects considered 'unsuitable' for a young lady at the start of the seven teenth century, who fell in love with her How to act In 20 easy lessons.- Number 7 - the love-sick adolescent. Snake Eyes teacher - who is then charged with rape by the girl's father. the central character doesn't suggest from any sense of realism which might Brian De Palma is undoubtedly a very hit- Effectively, it's the tale of a brilliant any of the strength which a woman remain. Consequently, as a biopic it's and-miss director - contrast Scarfacc or but weak willed young girl, trapped would surely need if she were to certainly lacking in credibility, but as a The UntouchablcswiXh the dire Bonfire between two forceful men, and forced become a recognised artist four cen textbook tale of doomed love it's effec of the Vanities - so I guess it shouldn't to suffer before she can make good her turies ago, and the meticulously drawn tive if uninspired.H come as too big a surprise that this is a escape. However, Cervi's depiction of renaissance style only serves to detract Dave very hit-and-miss movie. The first half- hour or so is pure brilliance, with some incredible steadicam cinematography taking you through the entire introduc Win tickets to Forces of Nature with the Ideal Husband tory scene in a single (twenty-minute long) shot. Sadly, however, it goes soundtrack CDs downhill dramatically from there; the unmasking of the villain is phenomenally up for grabs obvious, and the finale is plain daft (div ing out of the way of an oncoming boul Fancy a copy of the soundtrack to all-star der was only ever cool in Indiana Jones). smash hit An Ideal Husband? Well, Which is a shame, because underneath thanks to some very kind PR people, the there's a really good Nick Cage movie CD can be yours for the expenditure of trying to get out. exactly zero pence. A chance not to be KENSINGTON missed, I'm sure you'll agree. The movie itself is an adaptation of Elizabeth This week it's the turn of new romantic The winners of last week's competition Oscar Wilde's classic play, and may well comedy Forces of Nature to get the to win tickets to see Adam Sandler's be the first of a spate of Wilde related There are few things that Britain free tickets treatment. The Sandra Bul smash hit comedy The Waterboy were-. movies to hit our screen. It stars current undoubtedly does best; snooker, heavy lock/Ben Affleck vehicle attempts to Dave Hellard Hollywood favourites Rupert Everett, drinking, armchair football, urban recreate the bickering, opposites-attract Tom Blaza Catc Blanchett and Minnie Driver, and riots...and costume drama. Fortunately, style of the great Cary Grant/ Katherine Thanawat Meesak has received widespread critical acclaim. Llizabeth falls into the latter category Hepburn movies, with Affleck striving to Lisa Huhalov To win your copy of the soundtrack, (well, I certainly don't want to sit through make it to his wedding on time despite Tony Shudbury simply answer the following question: a ninety minute Steve Davis biopic), util all manner of travel catastrophes and Scott Edmunds ising the key tools of the trade - meticu weirdo companion Bullock. Just email Jo Pollott At what awards ceremony did Cate lous attention lo detail, an all-star cast your answer to the following question Lisa Frank Blanchett recently pick up the best and gravity defying bodices - to produce to [email protected] before Wednesday Pete Daplyn Actress award, and for which film was an effective but uninspiring addition to evening: Bob McCannon she nominated? the genre. Sadly, despite its supposedly Well done on correctly identifying Henry revolutionary approach to the story of Winkler as the seventies icon who links England's young queen, director Kapur In which recent movie did Sandra Bul Email your answer to [email protected] The Waterboy, Scream and Happy Days. actually employs a fairly static approach, lock star alongside Nicole Kidman? before Wednesday evening to enter the leaving the impression that the movie Please drop into the Felix Office (in Beit competition. As ever, the first ten ran Archway) as soon as possible to collect could have been far better. The first ten names out of the virtual hat domly selected names will take home your prizes. will win a pair of tickets. the prize. Dave 14 Music 10 May 1999

Albums ULTRASOUND Everything; Picture [

ou'll either love it or hate it. It's dress (??) he was wearing to reveal the parents. rock with a twist and it won't be word 'unique' scrawled across his stom Impossible Dream is perfect and I Y to everyones liking. It's music for ach as two of his fellow band members love it. It has everything you could ever the indie kids who are angry with every streaked across the catwalk. It's things want In a song and more. It's a mixture one and everything. Play it loud and it'll like this that make me think Ultrasound of mellow words, loud choruses and blow you away. Play it soft and it'll just are just a bit too desperate to make it big. strange samples that'll make you want to depress you. This comes across very strongly in their jump around a lot- making sure the cur Everything Picture is Ultrasound's lyrics and quotes, which are meant to be tains are closed first so no one can see debut album that comprises of two CD's profound, but arc actually quite stupid. you. yet only 11 tracks. The reason for the Hang on though, maybe I'm missing the for a band who say they only ever double CD? I don't know but it's kind of point and am taking them too seriously. wanted to "turn the world on", they're fun and I like it. The fact that the songs They're fun and are in love with them going the right way about it. It's been on this 88-minute masterpiece are selves- there's nothing wrong with thai. said that they have 'reached the kind of segued together with "incidental music" Their first single was a Gregorian terrace soul fanfare peak of salvation rock that is a tad irritating at times but you soon anthem...need I say more? most bands spend a lifetime building up get used to it. If you don't know the band four of the songs on the album to'. Whether this Is true or not I can't then the words "bloater" and "porker" have been singles with Floodlit World decide but as I said earlier, you'll either might jog your memory into remem being the most successful in reaching love it or hate it. I don't hate it so I guess bering who they are as they describe the top 30. Stay Young is brilliant with that means I love it.CI front man Andrew Wood to a T. If I say Woods' powerful, if ever so slightly Ingrid the words 'Independent' and 'The', your annoying voice, making adrenaline lev One these people Is pregnant, who memory might be jogged even further els rise and hairs stand on end. Com needs the ultrasound? as the band were recently featured as bining both complex and dumb lyrics front page news for doing something this song illustrates to me what the band which, in my opinion, is so obviously a are all about. The song is full of weird ref publicity stunt it's untrue. "Tiny", as Wood erences to Gary Glitter as well as the nor is affectionately referred to by the rest of mal teenage angst stuff. It's a song for the world, caused controversy at a Red underage drinkers and behind the bike- or Dead fashion show when he lifted the shed smokers who hate living with their

NAUGHTY BY NATURE Nature's Finest

ew material is on the way but slick R&B dynamics, conjures up a mixed room door threatening to revoke my your profile isn't what it used bag. Taking a Bob Marley riff and cou afternoon treat of Jammy Dodgers and N to be, so what are you going to pling it with penitent lyrics about a lost Tizer soon puts pay to such frivolity. So, do? Is it (a) release a greatest hits com childhood produced the massive Every an album that is certainly Nature's finest pilation, (b) release a greatest hits com thing's Going To Be Alright. Hip Hip but you're going to have to buy a Pub pilation or (c) get caught in a public toi Hooray exemplifies Nature's knack of lic Enemy collection for Hip-Hop's finest. let putting your tackle out on offer? The producing compelling chant-along EH Chris usual course of action is the first two anthems. However, something strange options, the third less favoured but just happened to soul/R&B music in the late as useful so it seems. '80s. Inventive, impressible tunes were

Naughty by Nature arrived, via the replaced by torpid mush; the ground far from cool zoot-suited New Style, in breaking, spine tingling songs of the the late '80s/early '90s at a time when Motown, Atlantic and Stax record labels Hip-Hop had reached its zenith: amongst in the '60s/'70s were succeeded by the others, Public Enemy were combining inane tuneless pulp of R Kelly and his fierce political/social comment with the like. Vintage soul classics were Aryanised Bomb Squad's sonic experimentation, and murdered by Celine, Mariah etc. De La Soul had plug-tuned us into the The phenomenon even dragged its fetid corpse into Hip-Hop, Nature's Penetra Naughty by name. Daisy Age with wit-laden-sample-fests, tion being a particularly unpalatable Naughty By Nature. Rakim was producing raps of poetic beauty over Eric B's breakbeats and the example of meandering lushness.

Flavor Unit were in full effect. There was Still, at their most focused the boys the versatile soulful raps of Queen Lati- have the talent to come up trumps, the fah, the dexterous riff in' of Lakim irresistible OPP being a case in point. Shabazz and then there was Naughty By 'You down with OPP?' c hant the group, Nature. All of the former were credible 'Yeah, you know mcl' I retort as I jump but were the latter? Well yes and no, their with wild abandon on my bed, even style being polymorphic, marrying lyrics though I haven't got a bloody clue what of serious insight and ear-hemorrhaging OPP stands for. However, all things must basslines with melodic choruses and pass and my Ma banging on my bed 10 May 1999 Singles Round-up

here were a fair few single this make all too much sense. D'you punky guitars executed with an ice cool what to expect. Fob.com is a great rush releases over the Easter and know what I mean? confidence. Fantastically irresistible. of sonic mayhem. Driving rhythm, T even before the holidays. They'll Altogether more light in content is angelic melodic female vocals, Scottish all probably still be in the shops and if Sprung Monkey's Get 'Em Outta Here How about this for appropriate? deadpan vocal delivery sometimes run you don't find them in the music mega- who are seeing 'what trouble we can get 'Don't wanna stay in, don't wanna go ning simultaneously and some screech stores, I'm sure they'll be in some into' A chorus that's reminiscent of some out, don't wanna keep calm, don't ing paranoid guitars to top it all off. dodgy shop down Berwick Street. early Red Hot Chilli Peppers and gener wanna any help, but I wanna get drunk, Inspiring. Welcome to the late review. ally a lot of fun to be had. This is the I wanna stay straight, don't wanna get sound of a band enjoying themselves. up, don't' wanna sleep late.' Double Six Melky and Seldeckjean are respec Good luck to 'em. deliver a near perfect description of the tively younger sister and brother of Imperial College blues. And the music? Fugees' man, Wyclef Jean. Despite the A good rock n' roll record can occa Who cares - apathetic anthemic lyrics sionally change the whole music scene. don't come much more precise than It takes it, grabs it by the scruff of the this. For the record though, Breakdown neck and smacks it about the face a is distortedly delivered over a second couple of times, before discarding it in rate Underworld sounding tunc. the gutter and leaving a path for others to follow. Sometimes it happens, some SpeedyJ's leee Mitten Menu - that's times it doesn't. Examples of where it not a typing error, by the way - is so frus- doesn't include Early Warnings by\up\Xer tratingly irritating that it makes me want and Baby Britain by Elliot Smith. The for to smash up my stereo. I cannot describe mer reminding me far too much of Bon the feelings I get when I'm forced to lis Jovi despite its mildly interesting 'Wild ten to this. It's like my fists really need to West showdown' riff and the latter being grab something and twist it until it likeable yet little else. breaks. Good job it doesn't turn me on at the same time, isn't it?

First up is the Fun Lovln' Criminals Old-fashioned type of rock comes in with Korean Bodega. The Criminals the form of Lukan, who'll be in London And here's another one. Rico's recently found themselves in a studio Attack Me is in a completely different first few seconds of fewsounding almost next to Garbage and consequently had vein but still pumping the same blood. like Gone Till November, this pair are alto this single remixed by the Garbsters. The Whereas the above is some sort of excur gether more varied. It's sexy, cool and favour will be returned by FLC on You sion into future fucked up funk beats, classy. In the current RnB climate, a part Look So Fine. So, what of it? Well, It's OK this is a journey into futile frustration nership of this musical quality should but you're far too tempted to switch to filled aggression rock. Attack you? Get reach fruition quite quickly. Watching track 2 and revisit the sublime Fun Lovin' stuffed. I've got far more important and them blossom will be the enjoyable part. Criminal. interesting things to do. Doesn't that bin need emptying, for instance? Oh, To tell the truth, I have never heard

Supporting Ftuey and the crew on a whoops, look what accidentally slipped anything from Gus Gus ever. For those now finished UK Tour were Indian Rope- in. who have, you can imagine that I ended man. 66 Meters is laid-back and chilled up being pleasantly surprised by the in its radio edit but things really get I thought we were going to have a catching electro-rhythms and everyman going nicely in the lower the tone edit. barren run of songs there but we've lyrics that arc present on Starlovers. I Good stuff to de-stress your mind in this been thankfully saved by Medal. Up Here was also surprised to find out that they wonderful period of multiple examina ForHoursls cracking. Full stop. Building consist of nine members - not an ideal tions. at the Shepherds Bush Empire on June from simple beginnings, it ascends into situation when it's your turn to get the 3rd. Not really my cup of increasingly an effortlessly uplifting and fulfilling round in. McCabe's Nothing is a poppy little stronger coffee, but I can appreciate that beauty that transcends other bands' number with cute vocals and even cuter they're a band with full command of To finish off this marathon singles lyrics - 'You are nothing that I want but I their instruments. Standing With The Gun review - and if you've read this far I con want you anyway....you are nothing that shows their ability to knock out a decent gratulate you; surely revision can't be

song with some dynamic guitar work in 1 » / ~ J' that boring - is the Goo Goo Dolls and Iris It's alright. I can live with it contentedly the chorus. sfflll but I think I expected something else.

Michael Parker of Appliance has That's always the way though, isn't it? Expectations are broken in moments and been known to construct his own effects r / pedals and tone generators from parts you don't always get what you want. No liberated from rubbish skips and there is 1 matter how much you want it. H definitely a uniquely interesting sound to Dennis the appropriately titled Food Music and their other work. May I recommend that you postpone that music diet for a touch Appliance i Hi longer and indulge yourself with a slice ii A of Appliance. attempts at glorious epics. It sounds stu And while you're at it, why not just pid but listening to this makes me think pork out entirely with some lashings of that everything is actually gonna be Sleater-Kinney? Get Up is just as good as alright. That sort of feeling is precious. I need but I need you anyway.' Now, by all the other stuff they've done and if rights, I should now slate this over-sim you're not too familiar with their sound Prolapse have a new album out enti plification of relationship angst but some let me just give you a short summary. tled Ghosts of Dead Aeroplanes and this times you're in a mood where lines like Exhilarating vocal deliveries and spiky is more than likely a good indication of 16 Games 10 May 1999 Previevwille : The future is almost here ! Kingpin (PC) Interplay

Every once in a while a game attracts the Captain Moral Guardian), and yet, hap play at your parents' and attention of the press for its originality, pens to be slightly deeper than the aver definitely not one to excellence and beauty. Then there are age British Board of Censor's sense of show off the ability of games that grab press attention because humour. the sound system when of their violent themes. These games Set in a downtown American ghetto great aunty Ethel visits. burn bright with publicity, though once it is your Job to fight through a mass of Controversial bits the public get to play the game properly beefed up pimps, prostitutes and other aside, the impressive most are defrocked as superficial and human dregs in an attempt to get a graphics do not hide an too cartoon like to be truly graphic (Such chance at revenge against a society that excellent game. Guns, as the Quake body explosions) or, even marginalises cultural minorities - or just kill despite the aims of the NRA, are not other behaviours such as being distracted worse, hyped up poor games. and maim. found on the floor every step of the way by Cypress Hill soundtracks that scream Using a tuned Quake and tend to be guarded, though the from ghettoblasters, and begging for 2 engine, the graphics pawn shops seem to be able to stock their life as you beat them. Yes it is very flow as impressively as pretty much anything the average hood violent. Interplay are about to ride the they are detailed. The would need in a one man war. express elevator to notoriety - it's a very graphics and the game The elements of realism that have naughty place. also respond to action. been fitted into the Smack the body and the game can be seen within sill body receives the dam the first few minutes. age. Go for the kneecap Walking with a hidden with the iron bar and the gun is better than run opponent falls clutching ning about with a gun a very sore body part - giv waving in the air. The SHI

ing enough time for the locals arc not all out to : . fatal blow to the back of get you but do tend to the neck. Yup the game is be a little paranoid when violent, to the extreme. they see a mad gun wiliiii Interplay's Kingpin looks ready to be Then there is the language, and for wielding crazy man run the next target in the Mail and Express once it's not a complaint about the Amer ning at them. $iiSyiy->:ftfi anti-game crusade (or my name is not icanisms. Simply put this is not a game to Locals also show IIIBIMMMBI

Tired, Listless, games editor seeks successors to the crown

Unfortunately it is almost time to leave the office and attempt to brave the light outside which you normal people call sunlight. But before they allow me to do this I need to hand over the crown of shiny things to a worthy successor. If you think you can play games and write about them, if you can handle receiving games for free and not boast too loudly, you could be next year's games editor. Pop into the office and attend next Monday's meeting at 12:30 (17th May), or mail me if you can't make it. Remember it could be youuuuu. /CU CINEMBULLITA PRESENTS: T starring Steve McQueen

Tickets only £2 or £3 for both Monday films Monday 10th May - 18:00 - Bullitt - 20:30 - Meet Joe Black Thursday 13th May - 18:00 - Meet Joe Black - 20:30 - Your Friends & Neighbors Concert Hall For more information see our web pages: Union Building 2nd Floor Drinks available from Da Vinci's http: // www. su. ic. ac. uk/c inema 10 May 1999 Games 17 Shadowman (PC, PSX & N64) Acclaim

Acclaim, and back with those very nice out needing a people who bodybag. prvided us With graph with South ics trying to Park, are about recreate the to invite you to graphic novel stop evil in its style seen in the plans for original valient armegeddon expect some impressive moody back With Shadowman Acclaim look ready (and they drops to go with the incredibly detailed to reserect their reputation for original don't mean character graphics. Acclaim have also Action games. preventing a created a very remake of an smooth animation Evil does exist. Here we are not just talk apalling sci-fi film, though there again...). engine on both the ing about the run of the mill nastyness Taking the role of the shadow man PC, Nintendo and of a flatmate using the last sheet of the in this third person action-adventure you the Playstation ver final toilet roll in the house at 2am in the cross the line between the living and the sions. Although the morning, or the typical boyfriend/girl dead to infiltrate the assylum - the final PC version was the friend torture that occurs at the end of a resting place of killers, self-abusers and most detailed, all bad relationship. This type of evil is the those who forget Mothers' Day regu three systems bombing, serial killing and maiming evil larly. Obviously this is a job for no ordi showed Lara exactly that should there be an afterlife, most nary man. A man protected by the power where to put her would rather not be on that side of the of the shadowmask- a weird voodoo arti bum ready for a eternal rest cruise ship. fact - however, might just make it there good kicking. Shanghai Pocket, Klustar, Loony Tunes, v-Rally Color (CGB)

Infrogrames

Tired of Tetris? Had enough of falling and stop the mass growing too large Looney Tunes V-Rally colour blocks in your dreams? Luckily and touching the sides. Whay hey a platform game for the Ok it's been out in black and white Infogrames are about to come to the res With sixteen difficulty levels ranging colour gameboy! It's not a puzzle game. form for ages and must have been the cue with four new games in the shops. from medieval land management stu Really it's not. Each level features a dif cause of premature death of thousands dent to Impossibly, fiendishly difficult ferent looney tunes hero, Daffy Duck, of AA and AAA batteries throughout the Shanghai Pocket with quite nasty and taxing somewhere Porky Pig even smart old Bugs Bunny bat world. This time it's back in colour - 56 of Along with Tetris, majong must in between it's not going to be a quick tling against their arch enemies, Elmer them to be precise, and with four dif surely be one of the most played games and sim Fudd included. ferent cars, forty tracks in ten countries out there. Start with a large pile of tiles ple game If it's any those little cylinders of joy are about to and whittle them away by matching pairs. to com thing like the old experience destruction on a scene not Devilishly easy to start, impossibly difficult plete. black and white seen since the great Tetris rush of '94. There is to stop. Either play against the clock or gameboy ver For those not in the know don't even a try a bit of social interaction and play sion it'll provide expect the latest in rendering or polygon against another person. There is also neat two ample relief action. Instead re-live the exilement of another varient where the object of the player link from these puz the Pole Positions. Monaco CP and other game is not to clear the pile but to find game just 1 zle games and racing games of that era. Now imagine Ill .^i! the golden tile. Good clean fun. to give a Illlit put the fun and being able to really annoy all those lap outlet for humour back top laiden, mobile phone addled all that Klustar into what was businessmen on long train journeys sim competi Oh no another puzzle game! This becoming a bit ply because you can. Good eh? Unfor tive time the blocks want revenge, and come of a serious nerd tunately the screen shots here just dont from all angles - well, sides really. Time energy. BJ' mill J" ' toy. We like fun do it justice, they are colour on my screen to fit them together in nice regular ways games! honest. 18 Games 10 May 1999 Ability Office (PC) Ability

According to economic theory an Processor, Spreadsheet, database and and output to a range of formats - pretty ye old workhorse Pentium. monopoly is prevented from occurring Drawing Package for less than fifty much everything except Word 97 actually, Finally the drawing package. Expect within a totally free market environment pounds (even less if you go for the inter after using it for a week the only prob ing PhotoShop 5 or Corel 8 was a little too by the entrance of new competitors net based download) and taking up less lem was the lack of an automatic con much to hope for. Instead it is a useful whenever excess profit I i mi, than 20 Meg tents page. drawing package providing simple poly is being made. Well on the disk. Ability Database and Spreadsheet gons, text objects, and colouring in tools despite Corel and Lotus's iimniiniiiniMi i.; Ihese peo also worked well in their week's use, for the crayon mad infant in all. best efforts the Microsoft ple are Abil- and despite not running a customer data- So for fifty pounds is it really worth Office suite has effec base containing thousands it? Well yes absolutely. The equivalent tively been the suite of )f records using complicated office professional package from the col choice for a very very I search and report routines, lege computer shop is over twice the

long time. ...„:...:...:......::....::... price and is definitely not twice as use These suites over the ful - though it does occupy more than last ten years have twice the disk space. If you are the sort become large corpulent mKBKM that buys IBM branded PCs because of

bodies of programs tak ll^mmmx!^m^mm^m their reliability, ing up huge amounts of disk and mem ity, and || [ drives a Volvo ory space, offering features that are used while It ^—- and shaves with

rarely. In fact modern office suites have they per- :""*"" a chainsaw then become the equivalent of taking the haps don't deserve canonisation yet, this package is Volvo estate down to the shops to pick they are definitely on their way. not for you. Every up a pint of milk and the morning paper. The word processor, Ability Write, one else, take a Finally someone has decided to hack does exactly what a WP should do. It pro the CD database? con closer look. It the unwanted features and has pro vides a simple text layout tool for every verted and ran just as might just save duced a office suite containing a Word day letters and does it well. It can accept well (if not quicker) on you money.

Competition Corner work, Wear and Whack your way through the prizes

Work,Work Work... let Ability Office take the strain NELL MC ANDREW' S GOT THE BEST HITS IN TOWN We all like cheap goodies, especially when wm. fresh5jj^ecticn.co. uk they are actually quite useful, but we love London's students find themselves in a 24-7-365 steaming mega- free stuff which is very useful. To win a free metropolis. Fran music, games and videos, to puts, clubs, museum, boxed copy of Ability office just answer theatres and cinemas - there's never a dull moment in Europe's most the following question and send it in to the shining cosmopolitan capital. felix office by Wednesday ([email protected])

Fut: t ese TA 7 E>VE ^ i^gcedie^ts together and. created the uLtirrate MM aTtertairrrent guide for the high octane young city ckeUer. A :regular mix of attertaiment listings, vsjiesS, enrped-tixs and celebrity Abllty Office contains which four compo irtervieAS jbrctght to you by sore of the capital's meet infonred journalists. If you're new to lorefcn or just planring a hedonistic trip to the sreke -- nents? Fresh Direction., the studsnts' faucurite guide to Ixrriri is rtw available online az imtf.freshdirection.OD.uk. ItedkEd full of ns\s, reviews, interview and Usual rules apply, first out of the virtual hat features it's ntre than just a website, it's a v£y of life... or highest bribe wins... ok, no bribes

WIN A T-SHIRT Vfe've sidled up cult cyber-fcabe Lara Croft, (the cue and only Mall M^ndn online celebrity colirtnist ard shs'll give y Face Off and Die. Actua Ice Hockey 2 strikes out lew dam. on what she's up to ard pick cut favairite Ixrtfcn bctspots. We've got five vjxw.fresrrlirecrdm.c^ as von Gremlin has generously given away another Nail bfc?ndrew, to give a«\ay.Tb he a lucky copy of the next in the series of their ice winner sirtply put your name, address arr cool sports simulations for the PC. This time vjbere you're studying cn a postcard ard s it is the turn of ice hockey to get the Actua to the address bakw. Treatment - and a pretty good job they do Fresh Direction to as you will find out next week. In the T-3rdrt Offer mean-time, answer the question, send it in Unit 4 Heathgate Place j to the above address and you could be 75 Agincourt Road ft hooking from behind till the early hours. London NW3 2NU

What is the small cylindrical rubber thing that Is pushed and hit on the Ice? io May 1999 Games 19 Superbike World Championship (PC) EA Sports * replica ducati in plastic to lean dle the bike, it is the poppodom It into the corners and practice and chutney of the main madras those all important reverse steer- meal. The real fun begins when the ... :. .... ng manoeuvres. So with either simulation mode is chosen. ||j joystick or keyboard controlled Here you jump on one of the BS games perhaps motorcycle hottest bikes known to man and games were doomed to be attempt to race the thing against 4flfB more 'arcade and fun' like road- competition. The usual rounds c rash rather than the more serious practice, qualification and practice again the graphics is superb, but the best view car racing games like Gran still figure in. there but the true angel ing, if not the most easy to control from, Tourismo. delight is how the bike handles. The abil is the helmet view. In this the head bob EA though has taken the risk ity to high and low side the bike - crash bles about when cornering and it Motorbikes eh? For those who like throw and tried to produce a more grown up in spectacular ways to those not in the becomes a fight not to start leaning into ing their legs round huge throbbing motorcycle game. Based on the more know - is excellent; for once a designer the corners in sympathy. motors, the taste of hospital food and the beefier superbike series rather than the has realised that a bike does not follow The force feedback joystick is also feel of metal In very close contact with half litre 2 stroke madness known as the same handling physics as half a car. catered for in this bikers heaven and their bones - very very close contact. Grand Prix bike racing, the game echoes Open the throttle up suddenly too soon short of a full sized replica it will have to Short of volunteering for the British the Formula one style of car games rather in a corner and the back wheel will loose do as the control method of choice - manned space flight program though than the more open play of the Gran grip and those nice new leathers the though it does make the game harder to there are very few other ways to get to Tourismo series, for this sin It more than sponsors so kindly donated suddenly play, and to prevent permanent nerve go from 0-60 mph in less than 5 seconds compensates with a level of detail and become gravel fodder. and muscle damage perhaps there on a budget of less than ten thousand control which is just completely breath Start this game on a nice new fast should be a warning to turn the reaction pounds (well there is always car jacking taking. machine with a good card and kick the settings down to a minimum. but just for once lets keep to the straight There is graphics level The motorcycle game has, with EA and narrow). an arcade up to its highest Superbike World Championship, finally So with the fast, furious and exciting racing style, and you will grown up. If only there were people to action that bikes provide, why are there and while start to feel the make replica bikes for the bedrooms, or so few good motorcycle racing games being fun gravel rash even wire up real superbikes on a stand about? Sega had a winner at the arcades and good from the and equip the computer with a set of VR with Manx TT but not many can afford a for dipping crashes too. goggles. Then perhaps it would be pos full size arcade racer in the average stu the toe in With the camera sible to convert people to the dangerous dent flat. Perhaps the problem is the once and a angle from world of two wheels good, four wheels control method. Car racers have their fill while, while either above or bad. With EA Superbike challenge the of ready to run steering wheels - feed also useful just behind the game is no longer the problem, it has back or no feedback, but till now no for learning bike the quality come of age. one seems willing to build a full size how to han and speed of

Grand Theft Auto - Mission Pack 1 : London 1969 (PC)

A life to relaunch the original version in bud round the streets of London to progress park and HHHHHj time i get format. Your extra money does get to the next level of more and more dif Westmin- « and a you a whole multi-storey carpark of new ficult and interesting missions. ster, but half cars to steal, with scooters and mopeds Did I mention mission? What I should the Ameri ago for the two wheel fiends. The names of have said is job as in bank job, bloke job can grid the these cars follow the original 'we don't even bomb jobs (they might have some system of game particularly want a large writ from Gen thing to do with blowing things up but the origi Grand eral Motors or Ford' technique. The old even these pages are not going to sink nal has Theft Auto whipped up controversy Jugular (Jaguar), now get mixed in with to that level.). The game structure might transformed the streets into a series of among hundreds of Express readers all the Crapi (Capri). While driving fast cars well be the same as GTA - US but the areas connected by nice and simple over the home counties. A game based through the streets of London is fun, jobs, the voices and the cut sequences north-south and east-west roads. on robbery, murder and drugs was never the destruction derby only really begins are all Michael Caine 1960's Film style But hey this is make believe film going to be a favourite among that when running amok driving a petrol wideboy. Even the police have devel fondon not the real place. In the real crowd, presumably because of the fact tanker, routemaster bus, or even more oped accents that would have sat rather world there is never the excitement of that the game relied on driving on the fun the open top tourist bus - and on nicely between the frames of the Italian gangland killings in Chelsea using right and they only did that while on the your left is a crumpled fiat 500 and on Job. AJohn Barry soundtrack in the back flamethrowers or attacks on the QPR way down to the Bordeaux holiday cot the right is a police car attempting to road ground would almost be too retro - and team bus with a rocket launcher - though tage. Luckily for these people the expan block us. perhaps thankfully there is the steady i know a few fans wouldn't mind as long sion pack GTA - London, takes you away The game follows the same structure stream of 1960's radio style tracks that as the insurance bought some better from the rough and tumble of the states and keeps the excellent accompany your crime players. Also the excitement of a fast and into the gun and bomb ridden payability of the US ver spree. chase through the streets of London swinging London of the 1960's. Who sion. After a rather simple Unfortunately as somehow is lost when you have to fight says things are getting more violent. theft of little johnny's much as they have through the gridlock on the A40 on a Fri Notice I said expansion pack. You still scooter for one of the big tried, this is a London day night. It's a barrel of monkeys guv' need the original to be installed on the bosses you attempt to that no one south of and well worth popping up west and PC to be able to play. Though with GTA complete a series of mis Watford will recognise. treating yourself to some violence and 2 on its way, someone surely is just about sions and carjack your way There might be a Hyde robbery treacle., err readers. 20 Sport & Competition Results 10 May 1999 The Felix 1999 Cricket World Cup Preview

ENGLAND PAKISTAN SOUTH AFRICA

Captain: Alec Stewart Captain: Wasim Akram Captain: Hansie Cronje Best Player: Darren Gough Best Player: Saqlain Mushtaq Best Player: Shaun Pollock Strengths: Playing in home conditions Strengths: Bowling Strengths: Outstanding All-rounders Weaknesses: Fielding, opening batsmen Weaknesses: Team spirit Weaknesses: Opening batsmen At best... Runners-up At best... Winners At best... Winners ^ At worst... Out in 1st round ^ At worst... Fail to reach semi-finals At worst... Runners-up - ^~ AUSTRALIA ~^ NEW ZEALAND WEST INDIES ~^

Captain: Steve Waugh Captain: Stephen Flemming Captain: Brian Lara Best Player: Michael Bevan Best Player: Simon Doull Best Player: Brian Lara Strengths: Batting Strengths: Errrmm Strengths: Lara's batting Weaknesses: Chasing in 2nd innings Weaknesses: Overall skill level Weaknesses: Lack of class players At best... Winners At best... Qualify for Super-Six At best... Semi-Finals ^ At worst... Semi - Finals ^/ At worst... Out in 1st round ^ At worst... Out in 1st round ^

SRI LANKA GROUP A GROUP B INDIA South Africa Australia Captain: Arjuna Ranantunga , England Pakistan Captain: Mohammed Azharuddin Best Player: Sanath Jayasuriya India West Inidies Best Player: Sachin Tendulkar Strengths: Aggressive Opening batsmen Sri Lanka New Zealand Strengths: Tendulkar, bowling Weaknesses: Lack experience in England Zimbabwe Bangladesh Weaknesses: Crap on English pitches At best... Semi-Finals Kenya Scotland ' At best... Semi-Finals i At worst... Out In 1st round At worst... Out in 1st round Zimbabwe, Kenya, Bangladesh and Scotland have no chance of getting out of the group stages. None.

Teams play in mini leagues in their groups 20: Australia v New Zealand, Cardiff Australia v Bangladesh, Chester-le-Street 5: A 1 st v 1 st, Trent Bridge - 2 points for win, 1 for draw. Top 3 in each Pakistan v Scotland, Chester-le-Street 28: New Zealand v Pakistan, Derby 6: A 3rd v B 3rd, Headingley group qualify for "super-six" stage. 21: West Indies v Bangladesh, Dublin 29: England v India, Edgbaston A 2nd v B 1st, Old Trafford Mav 22: England v South Africa, The Oval Zimbabwe v South Africa, Ch'ford A 3rd v B 2nd, Lord's 14: England v Sri Lanka, Lord's Zimbabwe v Sri Lanka, Worcester 30: Sri Lanka v Kenya, Southampton 10: A 1st v B 3rd, Edgbaston 15: India v South Africa, Hove 23: Kenya v India, Bristol West Indies v Australia, Old Trafford 11: A 3rd vB 1st, The Oval Zimbabwe v Kenya, Taunton Australia v Pakistan, Headingley 31: Scotland v New Zealand, Edinburgh 12: A 2nd v B 3rd, Trent Bridge 16: Australia v Scotland, Worcester 24: West Indies v N. Zealand, Southampton Pakistan v Bangladesh, Northampton 13: A IstvB 2nd, Headingley West Indies v Pakistan, Bristol Scotland v Bangladesh, Edinburgh Super Six stage: Semi Finals: 17: N Zealand v Bangladesh, Chelmsford 25: England v Zimbabwe, Trent Bridge (Mini League of 6 teams. Top 4 go 16: Team 1 v Team 4, Old Trafford 18: England v Kenya, Canterbury 26: Sri Lanka v India, Taunton through to semi finals) 17: Team 2 v Team 3, Edgbaston 19: Sri Lanka v South Africa, Northants South Africa v Kenya, Amstelveen |une Final India v Zimbabwe, Leicester 27: West Indies v Scotland, Leicester 4: Group A 2nd v Group B 2nd, Ova! 20 June, Lord's

Rowing Competition BUSA Victory Proves IC Superior Once Again Results

The BUSA regatta is a one day event ations with officials secured us a slot in tions changed into a raging tailwind, Alton Towers Tickets held at Holme Pierrepont in Notting the second heat, because one crew and crucial decisions about boat rig ham. It's often an unpredictable event had failed to show. As we slipped onto ging were made. We hardened our The five lucky correctly placed crosses in because it is the first time in the season the start, with a warning for tardiness, gearing and hoped the conditions last week's 'Spot the Alton Towers' com that university crews meet on a Regatta we attempted to collect ourselves for stayed the same. petition came from: Tim Wright, Mark (ie short) course. Moreover, conditions the ensuing race. The fours final provided useful Jones, Sarah Brown, Jay Heavlsldes & are usually windy, and sometimes A rather sluggish start left us down information on the changing condi Andy Royal, who all spotted that the unfair. However, as May 1 st blossomed on the rest of the field at 500m gone, tions, and the four finished in silver theme park in question is actually Just a into an uncharacteristically sunny May but we clawed our way back to level medal position - a promising result for stone's throw from Stoke. Please drop bank holiday weekend, crews were pegging by 250m to go. By now, two the all important eight. The final into the Felix Office (in Beit Archway) to warming up for the long battle ahead. crews, Bristol and ourselves, had broken loomed and we boated in sufficient collect your tickets. The first round in the Womens away from the rest of the pack. A sprint time for the race. Again we were down eight category was a hair raising affair. finish produced what looked, to the at the start but clawed our way back, The regatta was running about half an casual observer, like a dead heat. We finishing two seconds ahead of the rest Crossword Contest hour late, so we decided to arrive at the waited with fear and trepidation to hear (about two-thirds of a boat length). start in time for this. Unfortunately, due the final verdict - it came in our favour, The exalted crew returned home as The first correct entry out of the hat to safety problems with our boat we and we continued to the final as Bris BUSA champions, ready to face the came from Nick Helllwell. A complete arrived at the start to see our heat rac tol spat teeth and gunned.for our coming season, culminating with Wom set of correct answers will appear when ing off down the course. Swift deliber blood. As the day progressed, condi ens Henley in June. the crossword returns next week.