William Mitchell College of Law Student Newspaper Volume 15, March 2004 William Mitchell’s Future with Allen K. Easley: New President & Dean
years, comes the entrance of alumni, who look to him to Allen K. Easley. guide the law school into the O: Dean Easley, what was Dean Easley arrives from future – the future that looks the single reason for you Washburn University School toward the advancement of choosing to take on the role of Law, where he teaches Civil legal scholarship and skills, of Dean and President of Procedure, Conflicts in Law areas the school has managed William Mitchell? by Tonya Brown successfully for years. and a class on the Federal Dean Easley: It is difficult to Courts, on July 1, 2004. With Dean Easley taking his Along with major cosmetic single out one thing that At that time he will take his rightful place July 1, it seems changes, William Mitchell is most attracted me to this first steps away from teaching appropriate that he be making changes in other ways. position. William Mitchell has and towards administering a provided this forum to A significant change comes in a great faculty and staff, an law school. espouse some of his views the way of the administration. excellent student body, and concerning William Mitchell. With the exit (retirement) of As the new leader of when the current renovations So without further ado, here President and Dean Harry William Mitchell, Dean Easley are finished it will have a is a little insight into the Haynesworth, who has been faces the tide of past and beautiful state-of-the-art mind of Mr. Allen K. Easley. with William Mitchell for nine present students as well as Continued on page 2 Photo credit: Patrick McGuiness One L’s Show Promise In This Issue
By Mary Kilgus the mold, I had to find out. New President & Dean . . . . . 1 The story of yellow t-shirts After two or three weeks of printed with the words “I love 1Ls Show Promise ...... 1 WRAP, most first year WRAP” was too good to pass Truth About Law Practice . . . 5 students are crushed under up. NLG Social Justice Dinner . . . 6 the weight. Endless days of trying to figure out what Patrick McGuiness, 1L, got SBA Retreat...... 6 day/what time your classes the idea one day, and circu- Common Cents...... 9 lated an email to the other are, attending lectures, trying Willie Mitchell Interview . . . 10 to find time for research and, 1Ls asking if anyone wanted a (oh yeah…) the rest of your t-shirt. For $10 dollars (cost, Unsung Heroes...... 13 classes can feel like a combi- right Patrick?), a 1L could their large group WRAP class. Drop the Puck ...... 15 nation of treading water and express themselves. And don’t forget to congratu- drowning. I suspect most 1Ls You might see them around late them. Not many 1Ls can Columns suffer silently through it, try campus. Yellow t-shirts with get their heads out of the to keep paddling, and wait for “I WRAP” sort of stand out. water long enough to have an From the Editor ...... 3 it to end. If you see one, ask the wearer independent thought. The Opinion’s Opinion Page 7-8 So when I recently heard of if it’s true a large group of Hearsay ...... 8 a group of 1Ls breaking out of them wore the t-shirts to on the web at www.wmitchell.edu/current/nonacademic/student_orgs/opinion.html Page 2 The Opinion • March 2004 Dean Easley… offer night school in this simply work hard to assure ates have received a first rate country; given this, there is that a fair balance is achieved education. To the extent that continued from page 2 concern that WMCL will in trying to meet the needs of message reaches beyond the facility. William Mitchell has decease its night programs day and evening students. Minneapolis-St. Paul legal an excellent reputation in the altogether. O: As most students know community, that growth in Minneapolis-St. Paul commu- Dean Easley: Actually there and believe, WMCL is active William Mitchell’s reputation nity, and it is well positioned are a number of law schools in the dumbing down of may strengthen William to expand that reputation that offer part-time programs grades to maintain a B- Mitchell’s position in the regionally and nationally. So in the evening. Whenever a while the other three law “rankings.” Merely giving more for me, this is a really excit- law school offers different schools in the area main- high grades will do nothing to ing time to help lead William enrollment options to its tain a B average. This hurts improve William Mitchell’s Mitchell into the future. students, it is important that students’ chances in the job reputation or ranking. O: What are your plans to the school do everything it market. What is your O: In its attempt to have keep the law school as a can to assure that all understanding of this WMCL reflect society and night school? students, regardless of enroll- matter and what produce lawyers that value Dean Easley: William Mitchell ment option, have reasonable approaches will you take to this same sentiment, WMCL started out as a night school. access to the school’s lessen the job and economic promotes the view that Many of its strongest alumni programs and educational impact given WMCL third diversity is essential to the supporters attended law opportunities. I don’t think tier ranking? success of any law school. school as night students. The there are any easy answers Dean Easley: My experience is How will you continue to night program is part of what here. It just takes continued with law firms in Kansas City, ensure that diversity is not makes William Mitchell hard work and constant vigi- a job market that I believe is merely a theory but is actu- unique. It is important, there- lance to make sure that comparable to the ally put into practice here fore, that this program be programs are planned in a Minneapolis-St. Paul market. at WMCL? kept intact and vibrant. At way that maximizes opportu- In my conversations with Continued on page 5 the same time, it is important nities for all students. hiring partners in major to recognize that William O: An additional concern is Kansas City firms, most of Mitchell is no longer just a the limiting class offerings them understand that class night law school. There are at night. All the new classes rank is more meaningful than Lawyer Joke full-time and part-time day this semester, for instance, grade point averages as a students who are an impor- the “Islam and the Law” measure of the quality of a of the Month tant part of the William class, are offered during the student’s work. So even A university committee was Mitchell community. Indeed, morning. How will you though the four law schools selecting a new dean. They in the current market for address this concern? that surround the Kansas City had narrowed the candidates prospective law students the Dean Easley: Of course, I don’t market have widely varying down to a mathematician, an day program is more attrac- know the specifics about grading practices, and the economist and a lawyer. tive to students than it has grades at my current school what courses are currently Each was asked this ques- ever been before. But it would being offered at what times of (Washburn) tend towards the be a huge mistake, in my low end, it has not had a tion during their interview: day. There will always be “How much is two plus two?” judgment, to view the current some classes that are not in significant impact on the job attractiveness of the day high enough demand to prospects of our top graduates The mathematician program as a sign that the justify offering different in the big-firm market in answered immediately, “Four.” night program is no longer sections in the day and Kansas City. In fact, some of The economist thought important. The night program evening. It is certainly not those hiring partners have for several minutes and is part of the heart and soul fair to night students if these praised Washburn for setting finally answered, “Four, plus of William Mitchell – that is classes are always offered in higher standards. Their or minus one.” not going to change. complaint is that other law the day. Nor would it be fair Finally the lawyer stood O: There is concern by night schools with high grade infla- to day students if these up, peered around the room students that they are being tion have “dumbed down” smaller-demand elective and motioned silently for the left out. For instance, many grades by giving so many classes were always offered in committee members to PLPs and other activities high grades that high grades the evening. Some classes can gather close to him. In a are only planned during the don’t mean anything only be offered at certain hushed, conspiratorial tone week in the middle of the anymore. times – e.g., adjunct-taught he replied “How much do you day, effectively keeping classes often can only be I think the key to helping want it to be?” working students out. offered in the evening. But William Mitchell graduates get WMCL is one of a very few when there is scheduling flex- jobs is convincing employers law schools that actually ibility, the college must that William Mitchell gradu- The Opinion • March 2004 Page 3 From the Editor I loved spring break for a endlessly around the parking lot of reasons: the biggest was lot when you simply have to no parking hassles for an drop something off? Editor-in-Chief: Mary Kilgus entire week. Now if I can only The neighbors hate us, it’s maintain my even-keeled said, because we park in front Managing Editor: Carla Magnuson disposition long enough for of their houses without a Assistant Managing Editor: Rong Yang the next break. permit and then swear at Can’t come too fast for you? them, or threaten them with Business Manager: Scott Kissinger Admittedly, there is more legal action if they don’t hush Assistant Business Manager: Jason Krause stress and frustration than it. I’ve never actually seen a usual these days, what with neighbor, but I had the privi- Staff Writers: Deborah Arndell, Shawn Bakken, Tonya the parking NIGHTMARE, and lege of reading a note from Brown, Steve Hennessy, Mary Kilgus, Carla J. Magnuson, I don’t use that word loosely. one left on a friend’s car. Ahmed Teleb, Michael Tierney, Connor Tobin And you thought all you’d Amidst death threats and Photographers: Melessa Henderson, Patrick McGuiness, have to contend with is swear words, the writer inti- Kristen Olson studying and working, huh? mated that she sat by her ©2003-2004 The Opinion, William Mitchell College of Law Student Newspaper The Opinion is an independent publication of the Students of William Mitchell College of Law. The views expressed in The Opinion are those of the authors and do not reflect the views of The Opinion editor, William Mitchell College of Law, its employees or its Board of Trustees, unless otherwise noted. The Opinion will always consider quality content submitted for publi- cation. Interested authors may forward copy of not more than 1500 words to [email protected]. The Opinion reserves the right to edit for clarity, space and editorial content. Please contact the Editor at [email protected] for specific questions or comments. Parties interested in advertising space should contact Scott Kissinger at [email protected].
Parking is hard for every- window and waited for a Submissions to The Opinion one—everyone except the student to park in front of Articles for the April, 2004 issue of construction people who get her house. Then she would The Opinion are due March 30, 2004. to school at 6 a.m. and park call the police to send a park- in the lot all day, that is. I ing enforcement officer over to ticket it, making sure to either get to school at 5 a.m. Hello people! bet you were wondering why, to get a space in the parking no matter what time of day or continue calling until the I see no end in sight. When police sent someone, to make lot or park downtown and the new building is finished, night you arrive, you can catch the bus to school. never find a parking space? sure the errant student got there will be even less park- But hey, the construction what was coming to them. Two things come to mind— ing than before. If the school people aren’t the only reason. Who’s got the problem, I ask? doesn’t the school have any has no pull at the city, even- pull at the city at all? Heck, tually these neighbors will Why, you ask, did you The other day, as I was we’ve been around for over “permit” us all out of parking bother to buy a parking circling the block, glancing 100 years. William Mitchell is on any street. permit when no one else past my useless parking a jewel in this city, or doesn’t At least I’m graduating and seems to need one? Have you permit, waiting patiently for the city recognize that? ever seen a ticket on one of someone to leave so I could won’t have to deal with this Maybe someone should tell much longer. I feel only pity these WM permitless cars in park, it came to me: as the them. And argue all you want the lot, the lot you paid to city grants more and more for students who, after paying about whether this is a almost $25,000/year for park in? And how, you permit parking areas around commuter school or there’s wonder, can visitor parking be this campus, sooner or later school, can’t count on a park- actually a community, most ing space. filled no matter what time there will be no place to park people drive from work or you find yourself driving at all. Students will have to home to get here for class.
The Opinion • March 2004 Page 5 Dean Easley… to national security. objectives. As you admit a continue the hard work of new class of students each making sure they feel continued from page 2 Only by working to ensure diversity in our educational year you have to keep work- welcome in this community Dean Easley: First, let me say institutions can we learn to ing at it. You have to keep when they come here. You that diversity is an important value each other for our working hard on pipeline have to continue the hard value to me on a very diversity and understand each issues, making sure high work of improving the diver- personal level. My mother is other across our diversity school and college students sity of the faculty, so that the Japanese American. My father rather than fearing each from communities underrep- role models we present to you is Caucasian. Until the 1970s, other because of our diversity. resented in the legal as students reflect the rich my parent’s marriage was ille- There are no simple answers profession see role models diversity of our society and gal in my father’s birth state, to the question of how we who help them to understand the diversity we seek to South Carolina. I remember as assure that diversity at that a legal education is achieve in our profession. You a young child learning that William Mitchell is a practice, within their reach – all of have to never quit. my uncles on my mother’s not merely a theory. The only which helps to create a more side had been incarcerated in way to achieve diversity is diverse applicant pool. You internment camps in through hard work and perse- have to keep working hard to California and Arizona by the verance. And it is not a goal encourage admitted appli- United States government that, once achieved, can be cants from diverse during World War II because set aside in favor of other backgrounds to come to their race made them a threat William Mitchell. You have to
The Truth About the Practice of Law Legal thinking and William Mitchell The practice of law College of Law Is Alumni Association 31st Annual Like a good bottle of wine, To be sipped and savored One glass at a time. Legal thinking is a Golf Process. Get your thoughts down. Tournament Then it’s the revisions at repeat visits That Monday, May 24, 2004 Give the legal thinker his renown. 12:30 p.m. Shotgun Start Legal thinking Olympic Hills Golf Club The practice of law And What type of lawyer your education flowers Has more to do with understanding this process Than what’s crammed into a blue book in two hours.
D. L.. A 3L who just finished her last final. Page 6 The Opinion • March 2004 WMCL Represented at Mind-mapping National Lawyers Guild at SBA Retreat
Social Justice Dinner By Steve Hennessy, 1L, surprisingly, the “not work- Section 5 SBA representative ing” list was a bit longer and somewhat easier to compile. By Carla J. Magnuson and themselves to lifting up the On Saturday, February 14, Ahmed Teleb downtrodden. After the lists were posted members of the Student Bar and some follow-up discussion Following the awards, On Saturday February 21st Association (SBA) snuck away from each group, everyone Congressman Dennis Kucinich William Mitchell students, from the usual duties and was given some colored dot delivered an extraordinary faculty and alumni gathered routines of the holiday and stickers to be used to “vote” speech to Guild members and together in a South Saint Paul gave up nearly four hours of for some of the various ideas others concerned with issues union hall for the 2004 Social their Valentine’s Day to in the two categories. It was of social justice. The talk was Justice Dinner hosted by the attend a retreat on campus, interesting to see which almost uncanny, at once Minnesota chapter of the suggested and organized by topics garnered votes. National Lawyers’ Guild. Over philosophical, spiritual, inspi- Interim Dean of Students, The next exercise involved a dozen students attended, rational, yet political. It Kevin Campana. “mindmapping” which many with the generous might have been a lecture on The purpose of this retreat amounted to the creation of a support of faculty & staff who phenomenology or existen- was to help the SBA become fishbone-like diagram through donated student tickets. tialism, as Dennis began with more effective as a voice of brainstorming that listed Attendance topped 300 the notion that our own real- the student body and to lay a topics related to WMCL and people who filled the hall to ity is created in being foundation for future action. the relationships between honor AFSCME Locals 3800 & perceived by others. The Despite the demanding task them. For this portion of the 3801, WMCL alumni and legal being-for-itself emerges from of guarding the henhouse, session, the facilitators asked aid champion Larry the being-for-the-other in nearly all of the SBA foxes us to shed our “SBA caps” and McDonough and hear an existential transcendence. The attended the retreat. The come at the problem as a inspiring keynote address politically or socially “impos- opening exercise involved WMCL student not involved from progressive Democratic sible” delimited from outside three small groups, each with SBA committees, the candidate Dennis Kucinich. and “above” the self, as a child’s creativity is muffled by brainstorming ideas related to administration, and other After a rousing call to advo- parental no-no’s, materializes the SBA and divided into two tasks that provide unique cate for the working class in when individuals find within categories: “things that are information. Topics like general, U of M student themselves that which makes working” and “things that are tuition, jobs, parking and Andrew Hamilton presented each human. Particularly not working”. I am sure some grades were all discussed. AFSCME union representatives referencing the current and out there could come up with Things like the needs of full- from Minneapolis and Duluth their own list, and, not future profession of many Continued on page 12 with the Social Justice award
audience members, Dennis Photo Credit: Kristen Olson SBA for their victorious strikes last reminded us that “law is a fall. The representatives social construct”, not ground thanked the crowd and noted in stone. We can “conjure” that the two unions of clerical another reality. Mind workers are predominately surmounts matter defeating women. poverty, powerlessness, or Professor Ken Kirwin and disfranchisement. The eye WMCL alumnus Roxanna must first envision the impos- Orwell presented Larry sible, as modern physics has McDonough with the first ever come to terms with intersti- Paul Marino People’s Lawyer tial space, before the self award, named for beloved, realizes its promise and gone, but not forgotten, creates. Thus people like Larry WMCL professor emeritus Paul McDonough and AFSCME Marino. Professor Kirwin locals can overcome all odds acknowledged the appropri- to make justice reality. ateness of the award seeing parallels in the lives of both men who have dedicated Mindmapping, a brainstorming technique, was one of the highlights of the SBA retreat. The Opinion • March 2004 Page 7 The Opinion’s Opinion Page You Too Can Fear WMD-Related Program Activities by C. Tobin demand should be placed on tration which should raise Furthermore this cowboy- leaders who sent Americans to some eyebrows. attitude towards foreign I will concede, at the die (over 520) for something The Carnegie Endowment policy amounts to the United outset, that I am no master of that does not appear to be States crying wolf. Maybe the rhetoric, but I am no fool for International Peace’s 2004 there. Report, Weapons of Mass Bush administration is either. How the American attempting to make-up for its public could accept that I’m deeply concerned by the Destruction: Evidence and public’s willingness to accept Implications, indicated that embarrassing debacle with weapons of mass destruction China after she downed a US exist in Iraq is beyond me WMD existence when noth- while Iraq’s determination to ing—in particular the United obtain and willingness to use plane. While this opinion when the proof offered by piece may be decried as paci- President Bush is we have States’ own intelligence— chemical and nuclear weapons indicated that WMDs do or posed a long-term danger, but fist, one, its author is not a found evidence of “weapons pacifist, and two, I am far of mass destruction-related did exist in Iraq and “they did not pose an imme- presented some imminent diate threat to the United more concerned with realistic program activities.” What threats than chasing phan- does that mean? I doubt my threat to America. A Feb. 9, States, the region, or global 2004 Newsweek article quoted security.” And while Iraq had toms and politically expedient professors would accept my targets. in-class response of “I don’t former U.S. Weapons an interest in acquiring the have the answer. I found no Inspector David Kay before material, “there was no A Feb. 4, 2004 New York evidence of any assignment- the Senate Armed Service evidence it had done so.” Times article reported related posting activities.” Committees discussing US Statistical research on Pakistani military official The press seemed to also have intelligence on Iraq’s WMD- quelling terrorism has were at least tacitly involved evidence of rolling-black-out- programs: “It turns out we revealed that these sorts of in selling information on potential-connections-to-the- were all wrong, probably, in strikes may deter terrorism in building nuclear weapons to Vice-President-program- my judgment.” Not only that, the short-term, but they both North Korea, Iran, and related-activities (Forbes.com, but former Treasury Secretary create no long-term deterrent Libya. While we’re still wait- for example). In fact the Paul O’Neil’s book revealed an effect (look at Israel and ing to see where that leads, General Accounting Office apparent intent to invade Iraq Palestine). the international community also took interest. I noticed from day-one of this adminis- will be far less likely to lend that was dismissed. its support when a true threat Applications for editors, exists and the wolf is knock- Whatever it means, I’m ing at the door. pretty sure that “weapons of business manager and staff mass destruction-related writers for 2004-2005 are If there are actually WMDs, program activities” does not being accepted. Please fine, but accepting that they exist when nothing there as mean the cornucopia of forward your resume and a actual, built WMDs we went justification to violate inter- to war—and young Americans writing sample (if you’re national sovereignty, while died—for. applying for an editor or decreasing our prospects of writer spot) or just your help when we need it, strikes This Orwellian newspeak me as double-plus ungood. and double-think degrades resume and a letter indi- the thought process and cating your interest (if thought itself. you’re applying for busi- The obdurate unwillingness The Opinion ness manager) to of Americans to have so read- [email protected]. ily believed (and seemingly wants to know Applications due by continue to believe) some- YOUR opinion. thing for which no proof April 1, 2004. If you have exists dismays me. For the Tell us what you think: any questions, contact assurances these weapons [email protected] the editor at existed, I think a greater [email protected] Page 8 The Opinion • March 2004 The Opinion’s Opinion Page
Put on a PLP; get investi- gated by the government. Sound farfetched? Granted, a whole day conference on non-violence is a bit more involved than a PLP, but the NLG students at Drake U Law School who had their agenda and membership list subpoenaed would tell you it’s not as farfetched as it sounds. An aberration? Probably. Then again, consider this from the University of Texas: “Students at UT-Law are being investigated by US Army Intelligence for their participation in a conference entitled Islam and Sexism. The conference ACS hosts a debate enti- Actor in Legal Roles” a spec- Fortunately in the Drake was rather secular, and tled “Second Worst Supreme tator comments, “That case, after a motion to analyzed issues of Islam and Court Decision Ever: Plessy v. Malcolm X made some good quash and nationwide Sexism with regards to Ferguson or Bush v. Gore?”. points.” Entire audience is public outcry, the federal Islamic Law and cultural The list of those who voted detained and questioned. authorities withdrew the traditions. The National for B. v. G. disappears Throwing all caution to subpoena of the student Lawyers Guild UT Chapter mysteriously. the wind, figuring they’re records. You’ve got to love co-sponsored the confer- PLP stalwarts, the bound to be under surveil- our First Amendment. ence. The Intelligence Federalists receive a friendly lance anyway, NLG develops Unfortunately, for those officers claim that some visit from an Administrative traveling road show: “How of you who haven’t done conference attendees were Law Judge after a seminar to Overthrow the Government your PLP’s yet, this trend under investigation, and as entitled “Regulation —The Legal Way”. Strangely does not excuse you. such, the officers need a list Smegulation, Abolish no authorities stop the Diversity has yet to be of people who attended.” Executive Agencies; They’re production. Road show outlawed. (quote from an e-mail sent not in the Constitution”. attracts cult following Fortunately if you are out by one of the students). SIPLA meeting evacuated. among Men In Black. struggling to get your PLP’s This could be a trend. Apparently an agenda item Ridiculous exaggerations, done, the Multi-Cultural The imagination reels. related to IP and bio- yes. We here at The Opinion Office has been known to What next…? hazards was misinterpreted regularly use hyperbole to find PLP credits in unofficial Lavender Law charged by a bio-terrorism task make our point. Then non-WMCL experiences. with inciting civil disobedi- force. again, the scenarios are not Don’t wait until the State ence by remarking publicly During a film retrospec- completely outside the decides it needs to screen “Isn’t San Francisco lovely tive sponsored by BALSA realm of possibility, beyond and sanction the topics for in February?” called “Just Denzel: The the pale where they belong. your safety and on your This should give us pause. behalf. The Opinion • March 2004 Page 9 Common Cents for the Broke Law Student presents WMCL vs. Reality: Thoughts to Ponder “Common sense often makes good law.” –William Orville Douglas Deborah Arndell In this world of fast-paced CLASSES VERSUS STUDENT BAR ST. PATRICK’S DAY news and ever-changing world HOT UNDERWEAR ASSOCIATION events, it is sometimes too Deborah’s Top Ten Reasons difficult to sort out the facts Deborah’s Top Ten Reasons Deborah’s Top Ten Global to Celebrate St. Patty’s Day from the fiction, or to truly to Stay at Home and Light Reasons to do Away with the Instead of St. Valentine’s understand what you should Your Underwear on Fire, Student Bar Association: Day: think or what opinion you Instead of Attending Class: should have [Vote Kerry]. With that in mind, I posed a chal- Reason 10: “Are my Reason 10: There was less Reason 10: It’s closer to the lenge to a few friends, asking Superman Underroos really arguing going on at the NCAA tournament. them to come up with three flame retardant?” It’s all UN over the invasion of Reason 9: Money is green. questions [one each] that if about product liability. Iraq. Green is good. they had time to sit down and Reason 9: It’s always easier Reason 9: There was less Reason 8: It’s nicer to get really mull over, they would to start a fire than it is to conflict generated in the hammered at a bar with a want to know something put one out. Middle East between shot, than shot in the ass about. For my part, I was to Palestine and Israel than with an arrow by some turn these questions over in Reason 8: You can learn a lot between the SBA and its half-naked, diaper-wear- my mind, do the research, more about toxic torts members. ing, willful and capricious break down the giant pieces from your underwear than child. into tiny, deliverable chunks, in environmental law. Reason 8: I’d rather use my and serve it up Dave Reason 7: iTunes just student fees to fund Reason 7: Better to slay a Letterman style. That way, you released Kid Rock for your terrorism. snake than sleep with one. get the news and answers you downloading pleasure. Reason 7: When the word Reason 6: Leprechauns go want [Vote Kerry], in a format Mitchell just released its “morass” is used, I won’t away when the day is that fits your busy lifestyle, best Dean. get confused. over—significant others and without having to do any Reason 6: You can always get Reason 6: Even George W. don’t. of the work. out of your underwear. Bush’s fiscal misguidance Reason 5: Beer is better than Now, I suspect from the Reason 5: Torching oneself is less offensive. chocolate. questions that they were makes more sense than Reason 5: Because it’s easier Reason 4: Beer is better than trying to stump me, but noth- WRAP. than trying to figure out red roses. ing can combat a little wit and exactly what it does. creativity. I’ve even tossed in a Reason 4: Hospital bills are Reason 3: Beer is better than Reason 4: Saddam Hussein in bonus for all of you holiday cheaper than books. jewelry [unless the jewelry a spiderhole would be a junkies. Until next month, Reason 3: Rescue workers comes with a receipt so it better leader. keep the candles away from will make you lie down, can be returned for cash]. your delicates, double check not stand up. Reason 3: Drunk people can’t Reason 2: Shamrock shakes. your Mitchell accounting Reason 2: Private humiliation dance anyway. Reason 1: There are thou- statements, and if you’re going is always better than Reason 2: Ricin packs more sands and thousands of to pick someone up at a bar, public humiliation. power. different beers, but remember these words: “Before Reason 1: If you’re going to Reason 1: Jon Schindel millions and millions of you commit, make sure it’s be scarred for life anyway, graduated. ugly people. You do the well lit.” Party on! physical deformities are math. often harder to pick up. Continued on page 14 Page 10 The Opinion • March 2004 An “Interview” with Willie Mitchell This is something The just relax, give us a few five—there are plenty more Opinion staff discussed at the answers and we’ll give you a that people can knock out beginning of the school year: lift back to your place. We’ll later this season. Besides, I how cool it would be to talk even let you ride in the back can use them to tell little kids to Willie Mitchell of the seat instead of in the trunk that I have psychic powers. this time. Shawn SB: Excuse me? WM: Right… WM: Sure, I tell ‘em it’s like SB: Great. Glad to see we’re those old chicks who use Bakken’s both on the same page. Now chicken bones to tell the the first thing I’d like to do is future. I just roll these across Sports congratulate you on the the table like so… uh-oh. success you and the Wild had SB: What? What do they say? Willie Mitchell lays a hit on Shawn Minnesota Wild after their during last season. Making the playoffs in the team’s WM: Nothing. Nothing at all. Bakken during a recent game. impressive performance in the Let’s keep doing the inter- playoffs. After all, he plays third year of existence, SB: Oh. coming back from 3-0 deficits view. Just, um, be careful hockey in Minnesota, his when you’re flossing tonight. WM: And we could throw name is kinda like William in the first two series—it was SB: Okay… Here’s another water up in the air and it Mitchell, and he might have all really amazing. question I had. You normally would be frozen by the time hired one of us to be his WM: Can I at least go to the play defense, right? it hit the ground. agent after graduation. bathroom or something? WM: Right. SB: Yeah, that sounds pretty Alas, it didn’t happen. I SB: No. cold, all right. don’t know whether we SB: Have you ever considered WM:
Sports… They generally weren’t SB: Wasn’t that lucky? Are SB: Why? thrilled when they showed you saying this kid came back continued from page 10 WM: Have you ever been up. from the dead to play hockey? trampled by a bull moose? enough to cover up most of SB: Then what would happen? WM: Hey, it’s Canada. Hockey it, but the guys wanted to see SB: No. is our life. So we’d put his him skate. He couldn’t. WM: They’d charge. And WM: Getting slammed against lemme tell you, when you’ve body in front of the goal, he’d SB: So what happened? be playing hockey, there- the boards hurts a lot less in got a bull moose charging at comparison. WM: Every time he fell, he’d you full speed, high sticking, fore… make this really odd yell, cross checking, slashing—all SB: That has got to be the SB: I see. Well, it looks like kind of a loud groan or some- those penalties go out the most screwed up logic I’ve we’re almost out of time. thing you might hear out of a window. ever heard. WM: Good. Where’s the bath- foghorn. It was pretty funny. SB: So what did you do? WM: Hey, it worked. room? At least for a couple minutes. WM: Punch them in the head SB: Because you’re Canadian? SB: One more question. Did SB: Was it because picking on as hard as possible. your parents name you after him got old really quick? WM: What are you trying to William Mitchell College of SB: Did that knock them out? say? WM: No, that’s when the Law? moose would show up. WM: No. No, throwing SB: Nothing! Nothing at all! WM: No. punches probably pissed ‘em But what was the point of SB: Excuse me? off more than anything. If playing hockey all the time if SB: Just checking. WM: Yeah, moose. Apparently you were lucky, you could you knew the moose would be WM: If that was supposed to that moan of Chunk’s sounded stun them enough that they coming eventually? be a hockey joke, I’m going to a lot like a female going into wouldn’t trample you to WM: It was good practice for hurt you. heat, so there’d be a stam- death. Chunk usually wasn’t when we’d get into an actual SB: Ooh. pede of bull moose out onto that lucky. rink. the lake looking for a quickie. Page 12 The Opinion • March 2004 SBA Retreat… five elements common to all most important as deemed by the stories. From these each person. continued from page 6 elements, four main topics The outcome of this retreat time students, part-time were derived. Everyone was a ton of ideas, and a They Said It! students, relationships divided into four groups, each renewed effort to make a list, between the faculty and group finding themselves check it twice, and see what Law school taught students and administration with the task of writing a can be achieved this year were also mentioned. Again, statement, set in the future, (despite the vibrations, closed me one thing: colored dots stickers were which might govern the SBA stairwells, narrow doorways, distributed and everyone regarding that topic. I can diesel fumes, and other how to take two voted for the topics of high- now sympathize with legisla- distractions). The SBA is est concern. tors having to draft statutory focusing on addressing the situations that are Next everyone found a part- language. students’ needs and Dean ner and then shared a story Finally, everyone was able Campana is committed to exactly the same about the most productive, to add to a “hit list” of tasks, getting the attention of the and show how inspirational, successful broken into short-term administration so our needs board-type experience ever (achievable this semester) and can be best met. they are different. encountered. The partner who long-term (anything longer If you have questions, –Hart Pomerantz listened to the story had to than this semester). One final feel free to contact your report back to the group. time, the colored dots were SBA representative for more Canadian lawyer & From these stories, three passed out and everyone information. larger groups formed a list of voted on the tasks that were Hollywood comedy writer The Opinion • March 2004 Page 13 Unsung Heroes By Melessa Henderson Before his career with WMCL, tered to life again. Bill has majored in music. When asked he was a Producer/Director for been at WMCL over six years, what he likes best about Hero: “1 a : a mythological a network. When asked what and grew up in Minneapolis. working here he said “in my or legendary figure often of he likes best about working When asked what he likes years working here I have divine descent endowed with here he responded “The best about working here, Bill made hundreds of friends great strength or ability b : an students. I have a good group responded “The people you from the students and staff illustrious warrior c : a man of student workers that I meet, and get to know.” Bill and faculty. You never know admired for his achievements supervise.” Regarding his says he has been “married 23 when you might need a and noble qualities d : one that family he said he is “single, Photo by Melessa Henderson lawyer someday. Now I have shows great courage.” and I co-own a house with my quite a list to choose from!” –Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary younger sister. We have a When asked about his family Siamese cat named Daisy.” he said he’s been “married Heroes. They come into our When asked if he is excited four years to [his] wife lives and bless us in one way about the new construction he Ginger,” and he has a new or another. Some are rugged responded “Yes. I think with “daughter Ellen born last knights in shining armor. the new construction and April.” I asked Bob how he Others are mild, but depend- technology the college will feels about the construction ably there when you need raise the bar. No pun going on, and he said them most. Here in our little Bill Weiss – Security Hero intended.” As for the future “although it isn’t going to WMCL village we have many Larry says he hopes to “get plus years to an understand- affect the kitchen much, I heroes that amongst the the slice out of my tee shot in ing wife, [has] two sons and think that the students will stress and ruckus make life golf,” and that for the last a dog who makes us whole.” have some much nicer areas here more enjoyable. This three years he’s “been taking Regarding the new construc- to eat and relax.” Bob hopes article introduces you to five art school classes: the oil tion, Bill says that it is a in the future “to be able to of my favorite WMCL heroes painting method is based on “major change [that] keeps have a good balance between who are exceedingly helpful the school of Atelier disci- us on our toes.” In the work and home so that I am and invariably serve this pline,” and that he hopes to future Bill hopes to “see my able to stay employed and campus with a smile. “enter the federal duck stamp boys graduate from college spend quality time with my Photo by Melessa Henderson and other contests.” Thank and or trade school.” Thanks, family.” Next time you see you Larry for keeping our class Bill, for making WMCL a safer Bob in the commons, be sure periods running smoothly with place to learn! to say hello and ask about
your technical genius! Photo by Melessa Henderson that beautiful new baby girl Bill Weiss was really my of his! hero one 40-below night last Peter Foley has only been winter. I had left my car at WMCL four months as an lights on at 8 am upon I.T. Intern, however he is arrival at WMCL, and 12 quickly becoming a hero to Larry James Lorence – A/V Hero hours later, go figure, the car many. There are those that are was dead as a door nail. I high-tech, there are those Over and over I have heard had to confess my absent that are low-tech, and then many a professor herald Larry mindedness at the security Bob Payne – Kitchen Hero there are those of us who are James Lorence their hero as desk, and rather than flog no-tech at all. I fall in the last he saves them from audio/ me with deserved sarcasm Bob Payne is truly one of category, and therefore have visual melt down in front of a Bill said with a smile “No the kindest people here on been in to visit Peter often. classroom full of eager problem, we’ll get you taken campus. When I was organiz- Peter mans the ship at the students. Not only is Larry an care of!” Little did he know ing a pie social last year, he new I.T. satellite office located audio/visual guru, he is expe- that would entail twenty was so generous to offer space in the library copy center rienced and well read on an minutes of him trying to in the kitchen refrigerators to room. Whoever thought to put expansive breadth of topics. charge the little Honda with keep the pies cold. I was in him there was brilliant. Time is Larry has worked at WMCL for the school van, to no avail. and out of his way all after- of the essence here, and 13 years, and grew up in He then brought out some noon, however he always was computer problems abound. It Minneapolis. He graduated super charger and after what so friendly and helpful. Bob is such a nicety to be able to with a B.A. in speech commu- seemed like hours of watch- has worked at WMCL for 13 take the ol’ lap top down to nications, and a minor in ing him suffer out in the years. He graduated from the philosophy from the U of M. bitter cold, the Honda sput- University of Minnesota, and Continued on page 14 Page 14 The Opinion • March 2004 Common Cents… I get up I brush up and head Unsung Heroes… around; they just seem to continued from page 9 to the bar continued from page 13 work out fine. Rex is the jewel For another round with all of in the crown of this school. Peter where he fixes her up my friends His gravely voice and gnarly again with ease. Peter grew up looks would scare away the CHORUS in St. Paul, and went to Brown most threatening of thugs… Here’s to ‘em To all of my College to get a B.S. in that is of course if they don’t friends Information Technologies. catch him giving one of those Here’s to ‘em To all of my When asked what Peter likes Rex’s original smiles as he friends yeah Photo by Melessa Henderson peers over those black bi- focals. Rex began work at Here’s to ‘em To all of my WMCL in July of 1990. He friends Photo by Melessa Henderson Here’s to the bastards, the best of my friends
Step up to the bar we tip the bartender first Keep ‘em filled to the rim ST. PATRICK’S DAY There might be a bit of a Peter Foley – I.T. Hero brawl that breaks out TRIBUTE best about working here he Rex J. Turner – Security Hero But we always leave when we said the “very friendly, open” Here’s a little drinking song should atmosphere, and that “people for all of you non-Bostonians grew up in Oklahoma and take the time to know others.” who will be celebrating this Texas, and graduated from Peter’s wife is from Mexico. His March in the good ol’ Irish CHORUS NYU with a B.A. in parents live in St. Paul, and he tradition. I place this here for So with this pint I toast to Government. What I found has three brothers. When two reasons [and no, one is you to all of my friends very intriguing about Rex is asked if he was excited about not to advocate drinking, b/c that he received his law Keep healthy and good I the new construction he I don’t]. The first is that it’s a degree from the University of clench it tight and responded like a true winner great song by a great band, Oklahoma. Before WMCL he “It’s difficult to find parking, Seattle’s The Gits, which I raise it high May the spirits worked in management at a but it is a small sacrifice for a emphasizes good drink and runneth over retirement facility. When better learning environment.” good friends. Second, it’s a And drinks never be denied asked what he likes best As far as his future goes, Peter tribute to Mia Zapata, the about working here he says that “his wife has sacri- band’s lead singer, who was responded, “the people and I know work is the worst part ficed a lot to be with me in raped and murdered in July the short drive (walk) to of the day the U.S. My dream is for her to 1993. Last year, in January, work.” Rex says of his family finish her education when I her killer was finally found in But when you get out the fun that he has been “married to graduate in December.” Next Florida and the Seattle music will pay Catheryne for 40 years,” and time you need help in the scene can now breathe a little has two daughters. Rex’s So now drink with me to no library with your computer, be easier. As a tribute to her, dream for the future is “to end sure to welcome Peter here, Joan Jett performed this song stay in good health, live to ‘Cause here we are with the and thank him for all he does live on an album created to see peace in the world, and to best of our friends to keep us no-techs from raise money for a private have friendly people to talk dithering in technological investigator. That album was It’s all I got left in the end are with.” Well, as anyone might frustration. Evil Stig, which spells Gits my friends agree, especially by the last of Live, backwards. God love ‘em, my effing Last, but definitely not Rex’s comments, he is indeed Friends least, is Rex J. Turner. I a WMCL treasure. THE DRINKING SONG remember in my first week of Next time you see Larry, (From the album, “Evil Stig”) school here, I lost my car Bill, Bob, Peter, or Rex make (Kessler/M. Zapata/ keys. At my point of greatest sure to say “Hi” and thank M.Dresdner/S. Moriarty) desperation, Rex came up and them for all they do to make put his arm around my shoul- the WMCL community a very I tend to drink too much der and encouraged me “don’t special place to be! sometimes worry, everything will work I fall a little drunk on my face out fine.” That’s pretty much how things are when Rex is The Opinion • March 2004 Page 15 Drop the Puck When speaking to two brawls, one of which began on Sunday, February Mitchell goaltender resulted in an ejection for 29th, an auspicious day. Stay Brian Howard after both teams. That’s sometimes tuned to learn the success of the game, he revealed how it goes towards the end this year’s William Mitchell that he had big plans of the year. The Pout went on Fighting Hockey Eel Pout. for a shutout that to lose the game by one goal, night. after losing rookie all-star “Yeah, I was ready to play Dan Gallatin in the first for this one, especially. I’d period to skullduggery. With heard how bad this police just over three minutes to go, team was (one of three in the veteran Mike Welch got one By Mickey Tierney league) and heard that it’s by the Cretin goalie to bring By the age of 18, the Eel Pout within a single OK, hockey fans, this is been years since we’ve had a score. The Pout would pull the average going to be my second to last regular season shutout, so I their goalie with 47 seconds installation of your William wanted to do the school American has left in the game and sustain Mitchell Fighting Hockey Eel proud. But what happens? ferocious pressure for the Pout updates for the 2003- First shot and they get one by witnessed 200,000 duration only to come up 2004 season. The hockey me. It was a low burner from short and without a point. season is coming to a close the right side that just acts of violence on and spring is on its way in slipped under my pad. I blame In Game Two, the last game television, most of earnest, to the great anticipa- team GM, Ross Hussey, of the season, there was a tion of us all here in law though. He put the jinx on repeat of the prior game. them occurring school. February was quite a me for that one. Thanks, Facing The Enforcers, tied for month for your team in black, Ross.” third in the league, and during Game 1 of though, as the squad finally Apparently Hussey had another police team, the Eel started to look like a real skated past Howard only Pout again were shy by just a the NHL playoff championship organization. goal. With mere seconds on seconds before the game and series. – Steve Rushin actually bet him that the first the clock at the end of the The month began on shot would score. Ross, Ross, game, Gallitan, looking for February 5th when the Eel Ross… redemption for being ejected Pout took on the perennial in the last one, had a chance With the Eel Pout’s win on to tie the match on a desper- doghouse police team, the the 5th , there were only two Piglets. After riding high on a ate shot. He received a blind more games in the regular pass at the top of the slot two game winning streak, the season. Both would pit your Eel Pout were well recovered after a heroic effort from line Pout against a top ranked mate and 1L, Rob Dolan. Off after a much-needed Winter team in anticipation of the Break. balance and surrounded by a playoffs. throng of police officers “We were pretty lucky to In Game One of the specially trained in the art of get those first couple of wins rundown, the Eel Pout faced a Kung-Fu, Gallatin spun after coming back,” said team local alumni team from around in a 360, went to rip veteran Michael Welch. “This Cretin-Derham Hall, ranked off a shot at a wide open net, is my fourth year on the number one. It was the hard- only to fan on the puck. squad and it never fails— est game of the year. finals come and the team “But it was a heck of a “I grew up playing with a starts to slump. But, I’ve game. We’ve really come a lot of these guys in the city never seen the team rebound long way as a team, and I league here in town,” said from the ‘finals slump’ so think that in the last two Mickey Tierney. “They’re quickly in my three previous games we proved we can play pretty rough, but that’s the seasons!” with any team in the league, way it’s played around here in and I think we’re finally ready Ready to play and inspired the rinks that taught Herb for the playoffs,” said the by the feisty east coast style Brooks to play”. And a gritty team’s coach in a year end of fourth year veteran, Steven game it was. Within the first press conference. Cahill, the Eel Pout pounded five minutes, the two teams The St. Paul City Playoffs the gritty Piglets 9 to 3. had already squared off in “You Have To Be Crazy...
December 3, 2002
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