4 May 1999 KEEP THE CAT FREE EST. 1949 The Students' Newspaper at Imperial College Sports Fields On Rocky Ground

A leaked copy of College's Capital Invest elect Tim Trailor, however, who is stick ment Plan for the next five years confirms By David Roberts ing by his election promise to back keep that a major "rationalisation" of Imperial's ing Teddington, even if it means delaying sports grounds will have to take place small, yet in contrast we have four out believed to be on the table (the old peo the sports centre redevelopment. next summer. Ostensibly, this has been door sports grounds with about 73 ples home which bought a small area of Despite the fact that in senior Col in preparation for some time (see Felix hectares in total, which is roughly double the Teddington site some years ago is lege circles the sale is apparently seen as 1136), but the report shows that it is what we will ever need". In order for the rumored to have a continual interest in "inevitable", Mr Murray is keen to point now a necessity, which will provide cru project finances to balance, the sale expanding), a lucrative sale would be out that the exact shape of future sports cial funding for the proposed Sports Cen must coincide with the beginning of easy to arrange. provisions is still unclear, with his depart tre redevelopment. building work, and the report goes on to Reaction to the proposed sale has ment currently "investigating all options According to the report, which was pinpoint the "release" at July next year. been mixed. Understandably, it will face open to the College to rationalise sports passed by the last meeting of the College Whilst the Investment Plan docs not stiff opposition from ICSM, who view grond provision... these included the Council, the total cost of the Sports Cen explicitly state which ground will be sold Teddington as one of their traditional possibility that an entirely new ground be tre project is estimated at £9 million, of - and Sports Centre Manager Frank Mur homes (the ground itself was given to found closer to the College to replace which £3 million will come from "the ray is at pains to point out that, at present the St Mary's Medical School to provide one or more of our existing facilities". money achieved through the rationali "all grounds are included in the review... a base for its rugby team); ending Ted- Indeed the onc-big-ground concept is a sation of the College's sports grounds", any comment would be unsubstantiated dington's status as a premier rugby particular favourite of Mr Murray's, and following the recommendations of a speculation" - a quick look at the figures ground would also face stiff opposition is yet another reason why Teddington is recent Athletics Committee study, which would seem to point the axe squarely at from traditionalists, as the ground was far more likely to be sold than Cobham, showed that we currently have around Teddington. If the target figure of £3 once the home of England, and the orig as the former offers no scope for expan twice as much space as we actually need. million is to be accomplished, then only inal pavillion was the site of the signing sion, whereas the latter could potentially As Estates Manager Nick Black put it, the sale of teddington or Harlington will of the RFU charter. Senior figures in ICU, become a very large site via the pur "we have one of the largest University suffice, as the combined value of Col however, would appear to view the chase of the playing fields currently used estates in the UK... if we were starting lege's other two grounds - Warren Farm move as a unavoidable loss which will be by GKT Medical School (they too are in with a clean sheet today, we would prob (in Ealing) and Cobham (near Kingston) massively outweighed by the benefits the process of rationalising sport provi that the new sports centre will offer. Not sion, and a sale is expected to take place ably build 30% less space. The sports - is far less than the target figure. More so Deputy President (Clubs & Societies) soon). centre at South Kensington is much too over, with a longstanding offer already

Southside Barred Inside...

Residents of Southside halls came back year. To combat this fans have been from the Easter holidays to find many of By Ed Sexton installed in all of the affected rooms. I ur- their windows had been barred. The thermore, although the opening of the Letters - Summer Balls 6 alteration, designed to prevent resi cated in previous incidents have been windows has been severly restricted, dents from throwing items out of the hall residents. In fact in the last two there is still a large enough gap to throw Editorial - Net regulation 7 window, was carried out by Estates over cases it has been students that have objects out of: Dr Hassard agreed, com the vacation, with work being com menting "I hope people don't test it Columns - Voice or Reason 8 pleted the day before students returned. out". These problems, coupled with an The move was a response to various apparent lack of student consultation Science-widgets 10 incidents over the last few years, and in concerning the scheme, have raised particular last term, in which nearby res doubts as to the justification and effec Film - Heart 12 idents have suffered near-misses from tiveness of the idea. One student com items being thrown out of hall win mented "we have done nothing, but are ArtS - William Kentridge 14 dows. The issue came to a head last being blamed anyway. It makes you term, with both ICU President David wish you lived in your own flat." BOOkS -Book of Work 15 Hellard and the Director of Estates, Ian While denouncing those who threw Caldwell, warning about the damage items out of hall windows, an action he Games - civilisation 16 done to the college's reputation by such Bolted, but not blocked found "totally incomprehensible", Dr action. Photo: Rachel Hassard expressed concern over col Competitions 18 Interestingly, the students at the lege's motives,- "I hope no one's imply centre of the most recent incident were helped tracked down the guilty parties. ing our students can't be trusted". Sport - Man Utds Chances 19 found not guilty at a college tribunal There are problems with the action, Whether or not they are to blame, it and, according to Dr Hassard, Warden however. The rooms in question tend to appears that it is Southside residents CrOSSWOrd -bySheep 20 of Tizzard Hail, none of those impli- overheat, particularly at this time of that are being punished. 2 News 4 May 1999 Accommodation's Adverse Advice

By David Roberts issue 1143 An alleged incident in the College's Accommodation Centre has thrown 4 May 1999 the new, much publicised, 'student friendly' drive into assistance with pri Editor: Ed Sexton vate sector accommodation into stark Assistant Editor & Films: David Roberts relief. Arts & Books Editor: Helena Cocheme A group of students looking for Games Editor: Gary Smith somewhere to live next year noticed Clubscene: Giles Morrison, their current house (which cannot be Gurminder Marwaha & Joel Lewis identified for legal reasons) listed in Sports Editor: Gus Paul the Centre's lists - at £90 per week, Photographic Editor: Jonas Lindsay compared to the £65 per week they arc paying at present. Understandably intrigued to discover the reasons behind this 40% increase, they asked the member of staff on duty if they mmmsmmm knew anything about it - and were Photo: Rachel shocked when they were informed dard nine-month let, this advice stands NEED SPACE ? that the College "recommended that to cost each resident in the house the landlord increased her rent to £90, concerned a massive £950 in the next One cubic metre available- as the present charge was far too low academic year. Less than £100pw lexc bills) and doesn't represent the market Moreover, as the College does not Renew your contract for only a value". provide any vetting service (instead 40 rent increase' Ignoring questions over whether simply providing regularly updated While boxes last' £90 a week for a room in West Bromp- lists, advice and information) the stu ton does actually represent market dents concerned were surprised that value, every senior figure questioned the accommodation staff feel they can has viewed this incident as a shocking offer any advice on prices, comment indictment of the Accommodation ing that "suggesting prices without Office's attitude toward student hous viewing the property would seem to ing - particularly as the running of the be a complete lottery". office is paid for out of Hall fees (ie by Whether this 'advice' represents Is your the students) and not by any form of standard policy, or is the result of the commission from landlords. Alterna actions of one rogue member of tively, from a simple financial outlook, accommodation staff, is at present pint really Pm-He housing office 15 Pmios's Vzntem assuming each student accepts a stan- unknown. e mat! pnvate hottslogi&fcac ub tel. 0171 SS494J? Of 0171 5S4 necessary?\

Imperial Second Best KOSOVO Imperial College is now the second polytechnics, coming ahead of several best university in the country, according By Ed Sexton of the 'traditional' institutions. to the ever reliable Times league tables. With such a diverse range of uni APPEAL The league table, published on Ihurs- an inability to reform (something, versities and academic disciplines rep day 23 April, revealed that Oxford has apparently, Imperial has excelled in). resented in the tables, it is difficult to fallen into third place, with Cambridge Imperial also topped the table in judge their true value. One category 0870 60 60 900 keeping the top spot. the staffing levels and facility funding that is missing, and which many stu Imperial won through thanks to categories, reflecting the huge amount dents would consider relevant to uni Collection box in the Felix Office! good scores in the teaching assess of money spent by the college in recent versity ratings, is student satisfaction ment category, the most important rat years. University College London was with their institution. Indeed, many ing in the table, and reduced fifth, with the School of Oriental and would argue that this is the most impor Cambridge's lead from last year. Mean African studies coming sixth, meaning tant criteria to judge a university by. while Oxford is now only one point that London colleges took two thirds of It is unlikely that Imperial will be ahead of fourth place London School of the top six places. able to take the top spot from Cam Economics. Sir Ronald Oxburgh, Rector The rest of the Times table was bridge in the foreseeable future, but all of Imperial College, was quoted as say fairly predictable, with Edinburgh still eyes will be on LSE and Oxford next ing he was "pleasantly surprised" at the top of the Scottish universities and year to see which of them will take result, putting Oxford's decline down to Oxford Brookes still ahead in the former third place. j|p:;::;j;:i~; ' :;

Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB Internal tel: 58072 Internal fax: 48072 External tel & fax: 0171 594 8072 URL: www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix E-mail: [email protected] Printed at MCP Litho Limited, Units B2 & B3, Hatton Square, 16 -16a Baldwins Gardens, London EC1N 7RJ Felix is a registered newspaper: ISSN 1040 - 0711 Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board. Copyright © Felix 1999. Photographic copyrights remain with photographers. 4 May 1999 News In bi

IC Radio RSL and Liverpool Guild are hosting the com Circle Line Closure Pugwash Comes to IC petition this week, along with Imperial, Imperial College Radio have had their with Cardiff on 9 May and Brunei on 13 For those of you who don't already know, A now society at Imperial, Student application for a Restricted Service May completing the listings. the circle line is going to be closed Pugwash, are holding their first meeting License, which would have enabled the between High Street Kensington and this week. Pugwash is a well-known inter station to broadcast on FM for the first Summerball Update Gloucester Road for much of the sum national organisation concerned with few weeks of term, turned down. This mer. The nine weeks of engineering global problems and social and ethical was apparently due to an application for Last week's article concerning the Sum works begins on 12 June, lasting until 15 issues. It encourages scientists and engi the same slot, made several months ago mer Ball ("Success for IC's Second Ball", August, and is necessary to strengthen neers to take responsibility for their own by another organisation. Although dis Felix 1142), which stated that tickets went the tunnel that runs between the two sta actions. Pugwash, and its president appointed, IC Radio will continue to look on sale on Friday 30 May, was incorrect. tions. The work will also affect other ser Joseph Rotblat, received the Nobel Peace for the opportunity to obtain an RSL in The date should have been Friday 30 vices between High Street Kensington Prize in 1995 for their efforts towards the future. April, meaning that tickets are on sale and Edgware Road, although bus ser nuclear disarmament. Joseph Rotblat will now, from the Union Office (£55 for stu vices should be incresed to minimise give the first lecture at the IC group. Comedy Interlude dents, £65 for staff). It would be helpful the disruption. Fhe IC group aims to raise awareness for the organisers if students decided of our responsibility to help reduce and, This Friday, 7 May, sees the 1999 Daily who they want to sit with before they ICSM Football Finish 3rd when possible, eliminate the actual and Telegraph Open Mic Awards Semi Finals book tickets. potential harmful effects of scientific and come to ICU. The semi-finals are the cli Following on from last week's revela technological research. Areas that will max in the comedy nights organised at Sunday Studies tions about the ICSM Football Firsts being be discussed in this and future meetings students' unions throughout the acade stripped of their First Division title, the include arms control and disarmament, mic year. From the sixty contestants com There are plans to open the Central results of the appeal have now come to sustainable environments and other eth peting, ten will be chosen to go through Library on Sundays for IC students only. light. ICSM appealed on the grounds ical issues. For more information on the to the Grand Final, held at the Edinburgh The arrangement is set to start early next that they had been informed that Dr international organisation, see www.pug- Festival in August. The winner receives month in order to cover the examination Houghton was eligible for registration, as wash.org, Ihe IC meeting will be this £2000, and more importantly the chance period. The proposal is currently being he is a research student. I lowever, UL Thursday (6 May) at 1pm in the Brown to appear at a selection of comedy clubs processed and it is likely the new open have decided that he is, nonetheless, Committee Room (third floor of the and festivals. ing times will last until the end of this inelligble for selection, and their original Union), lor more information contact The other semi-finals are being held term and then be re-implemented for the decision - which leaves ICSM in third, Carstcn on x46676 or email student-pug- at student unions around the country new academic year. with GKT taking the title and promotion [email protected]. throughout May. Edinburgh, Warwick - has been upheld.

just pop down to tower records on kensington high st. and produce your Union card at the counter.

offer ends 30/06/99. excludes already discounted sale product, offer applies to the kensington store only. 4 News Feature 4 May 1999 Does Southside Shop cost more than Harrods?

by Ed Sexton

There is an old Imperial myth that South- 46%. The problem is that Southside Shop The Felix Price Comparison side Shop, which has recently started is only open 8am to 7pm Monday to fri describing itself as a "mini supermarket", day, 10am to 3.30pm on Saturday, and is more expensive than the most famous isn't open at all on Sundays. Lords, of Sainsburys Waitrose Southside Shop Lords and luxurious shop in the world. But is course, is open all hours, and Sainsburys there any Iruth in the claims? isn't far behind, only closing on Saturday 1.5 Litre Coke 97p 97p 99p 139p Certainly _ " 1 Sunday McVities Biscuits 97p 89p 160p 139p Southside Shop : '*|. nights. |ust lo McCoys Crisps 32p 32p 38p 49p ; the record, Har- Can of Soft Drink 42p 42p 50p 49p find out how Chocolate Bar 30p 30p 35p 39p expensive, we . . . - lorapinl ol milk, Heinz Soup 47p 47p 62p 79p compared the ** ^ggtitibk '. ' ' and their cheap- Heinz Beans (1S0g) 25p 25p 31p 45p prices of various I,....! :u' i , Baked Beans (420g) 23p 35p 30p 59p common gro Nescafe (100g) 189p 189p 199p 319p ceries and So it seems Nescafe (200g) 369p 369p 525p 572p snacks to those the Imperial Tet!eyTeabags(40) 75p 99p 79p 79p found in two myth is nothing Washing Powder 229p ' 229p 269p 279p major supermar Southside Shop - not cheap, but not tres cher more than that. Sliced White Bread 39p 39p 85p 85p kets, and Lords Photo: Rachel For a shop that is Cheese Sandwich 115p 129p 120p 125p on knightsbridgc, a common night store only open Monday to Saturday daytimes, BLT Sandwich 149p 159p 160p 169p for residents of Princes Gardens. however, Southside is still very expensive Pint of Milk 27p 27p 40p 43p The difference between the newly - and hardly what one expects in a "mini Butter 75p 75p 130p 99p opened Waitrose on Gloucester Road supermarket". Interestingly, there was Cornflakes (500g) 99p 109p 165p 189p and Sainsburys is minimal - Waitrose one item that was more expensive at Prlngles 129p 129p 159p 169p costs about 3% more, on average. South- Southside than in Harrods; butter. So Sugar (1kg) 5.5p 55p 99p 109p side Shop is about 30% more expensive there is a sliver of truth in that myth than Sainsburys, with Lords coming in at after all... TOTALS £19.43 £20.05 £25.35 £28.35

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*CU Your Union - Pun for You IMI'l-.RIALCOLI.Ltil-: UNION Letters & Small Ads 4 May 1999

Caldwell Investments This year we have the potential to of their Student Loan left they could three of you (2 guys and a girl) who hold the largest student event in London, come to both and have a fantastic 36 went to give it in. Sir, so let's make it a success. hours partying! I can only draw two logical conclu Here's to seeing out the millenium sions about you: I notice from the financial pages of the in style! Ben Marsh 1. You are a bunch of sad, lonely, papers that the company "Caldwell ICSM Summer Ball Chair twisted and pathetic individuals who Investments" made a loss this year. Are Nick Griffith have nothing better to do other than you surprised? Summer Ball Team I don't think we claimed there Is a sour harass upstanding members of College [email protected] relationship - merely that It Is a "con like myself, build up their hopes only to Yours faithfully tentious Issue". This Is true, as your letter break their hearts, you nasty rodents Oh yes, and watch out for the Jelly makes It quite clear that first years medics make me sick! N Royall Belly's coming to an exam hall near you have "a decision to make", and obviously 2. You are a girl who has fallen for Maths Dept Staff soon. both balls would like their patronage. As me BOLLOCKS! I'm not even going the balls are so close together. It's to carry on with this one because that PS My share portfolio showed a profit unlikely many will go to both (which Is kinda stuff happens in my dreams, after of 50% for the last financial year. not the same as saying the unfortunate studying at Imperial for nearly two years ICSM Summer Ball timing is deliberate). Both Presidents I know it ain't gonna happen for real! I Perhaps you should be seeking a Job in agree and accept that most medics will mean, there's a little bit of me hoping the higher floors of Sheffield... - Ed Dear Felix, go to ICSM's, except maybe first years. that its true but look at it from my point "First years... who regard themselves as of view and you'll understand why I don't The lead article on 26/4/99 in Felix part of the Med School" will go to the believe a single thing you wrote! claimed that there is a sour relationship ICSM ball - does this mean that those I have called in my network of spies Summer Ball Update between the IC and ICSM Summer Ball medics who choose to go to the IC ball to hunt you down and since the start of Organisers and that they are in fierce instead are not, in your view, 'faithful' term, these trained predators have been Dear fellow students, competition. From my point of view, that members of ICSM? - Ed working non-stop to track you animals is not the case at all and there is no need down, so watch your filthy backs, even In an improvement of last year's Summer for any animosity at .all. The ICSM Sum as you read this BOO! Just testing, but Ball, the 1999 event will be held on the mer Ball is on the 24th of June to co-ordi trust me, you will be found and dealt last day of term, Friday 25th June. Tickets nate with Exam results and not to spark A Threat or a Plea? with, severely. are available now from the Union Office, any competition for ticket sales. Our ball All that I offer you now is a chal for more details keep an eye out for our is for ICSM, it is aimed at Medical Stu This is a reply to the letter written in the lenge, why don't you cowardly beasts posters. To any of you who are still indif dents, we are advertising only in the last edition titled "I want this man!" stop hiding behind your letters, come out ferent, Glastonbury's production spe hospital and the BMS, holding it at a "Hmmmm, do you really want me?" into the open and show us what you're cialists are putting on the light show, Medics venue and following the tradi made, of, COME 'ON, I DARE need we say more! tions of a long long history of St Mary's Dear whoever, YOU not scared now, are you? The people behind the scenes are and Charing Cross Summer Balls. I The first thing that came into my Hahahahaha! students like yourselves, who really want believe I speak for the majority of Med mind when I read that letter was WHY? to finish the year and millenium with a ical Students in saying that if they are I mean why, after joining the huge list of Yours forever, memorable party. I would like to take this going to a summer ball it will be the ICSM people to see my webpage (the opportunity to encourage anyone who event. Those first years, the only stu majority of whom haven't been given the Darshan (By the way, it must have feels like the challenge next year to get dents based at IC, who regard them address by myself, but jealous friends been really difficult to read my name on in touch. We would be only too happy to selves as part of the Med School will who want everyone to take the piss!), my webpage and then spell it wrong in show you exactly what we're doing and join the rest of us on 24th of June, those would someone take the trouble to write the letter) I )TWATS! ) of course there's still the chance to get who don't, won't and I do believe they a letter like that and deliver it to the Felix P.S. If everyone else wants to know involved this year, should you have the are the only group with a decision to office? And then leave a phone number what the fuss is about, go to time. make. Of course, if anyone has enough that doesn't work! I'm told there were http://www.ee.lc.ac.uk/eee2proj/dsa97 InsomnlaZine Funmail Picture Framers Deadline for letters for

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What I dislike most is the argument stitution, which can be quoted by every windows will be fined £500' would be To Regulate or Not? that it must be the kids who are gun fanatic as a basic human right, more effective. If you were going to do screwed up, and it Is not the fault of the making it very difficult to pass amend it, it would have been nice to consult The complete lack of news this week Internet or anyone else. Why can't we ments and change the status quo. It the students before hand. (come on, you don't really expect me to just accept that humans are naturally may seem a good idea to draw up A small plug next, for the Open talk about sports grounds at this time in inquisitive, especially when young, and some basic moral rights that will hold Mic Semis this friday. It should be a the morning, do you?) has forced me to have a tendency towards violence and for all time, but it is actually shooting good evening, with a decent slice of look elsewhere for inspiration for this 'moral' wrong? Show teenagers how to yourself in the foot (no pun intended). comedy, so I would recommend it to all column. And, fortunately, I didn't have make a bomb, they'll do it. Give stu For what is morally right for one society and sundry. Telegraph and other jour to look far - as far as Darshan's website, dents a gun, they'll use it. Comments at one time is not right for all societies nalists will be there, which obviously Is in fact (see last letter opposite). Ignor please. at all times - and clearly the use (and a plus point for us here in the felix ing for the moment the somewhat ego misuse) of guns In America is not good Office, and the evening looks like being tistical content of said site (in fact, let's for anyone, except gun shop owners. highly enjoyable. ignore it all together), and without any comment on the designer's HTML skills, Is it Right to have Rights? browsing through the pages reminded me of a subject that has received little Another angle on the high-school In the News this Week... In the News next Week... attention in Felix; the regulation of the killings is the fallacy of a bill of rights, Internet. for a long time I was very keen on the Well, it seems there was some news I completely forgot to mention it last Recent events across the Pond idea, and couldn't believe Britain didn't after all. Commlsserations to IC Radio week, but Saturday May 1 was the have led to many clamouring for tighter have an equivalent, but I've changed for not obtaining their one month FM Cannabis Coalition's protest march from regulation of information on the inter my mind. Consider this. When the Con license -1 hope that it will not dissuade Brixton Hill to Clapham Common (no, net. After all, we all know that you can stitution was drawn up it seemed per future committees from re-applying. As the irony of that sentence isn't lost on find cake, love and bomb making man fectly sensible that every American for the windows in Southside halls, this me either). Anyway, I hope anyone that uals on the web - and so can your kids. should have the right to defend his does seem a little draconian, and some went enjoyed themselves, as well as Admittedly regulation is getting better, home - in those days homes needed what pointless. Given that it is not gen getting involved in the serious debates and Internet Explorer 5 has a whole defending, and even the most peace erally the student residents that have that were going on - there'll be a full range of options to prevent unautho ful family would be advised to keep a been at fault, and that you can still report in next week's news (assuming, rised access to certain sites, but it is up gun handy. throw stuff out of them, I see little that is, that I remember to write it). If to the computer administrator to Two centuries on, however, that virtue in barring them. The total cost of you did go, and have any cool photos enforce these rules. Given that most need has diminished, and the ease the operation, Including the fans, must of the afternoon, I would like to hear kids know more about the family PC with which guns can be purchased is be enormous. Perhaps a poster cam from you, preferably before this than their parents, it is not really a certainly not good for social cohesion. paign around hall, with the words Wednesday evening. Anonymity pre viable solution. Yet America is tied to an outdated con 'Those found throwing items out of served, of course... - Ed

Tickets are available NOW! from the union office 8 Columns 4 May 1999

Will Sheffield have a Ball? Said Pro-Rector, Tim Clark, is a thor they were for watering the plants. Oh unwilling to increase funding, they oughly decent chap, so I'm sure a no, they are actually 'fire Hose Reels.' should free up institutions to pursue word in his ear will reap dividends. So no more dousing the spider plants their own funding and make them 'less h, you're back, are you? Apolo with that pressure hose. This may regulated.' Sound bloke. Even more gies to all of those champing seem a trivial point, but the upshot of oddly, his name was also Sir Ron. Given O at the bit last week, expecting Warning: Silly Fire Signs Ahead all this is a department that looks like the stifling bureaucracy under which this column, but the truth Is that I had a showroom for Bleedin' Obvious Sig the academic activities of Imperial oper got so used to you being away, it com nage ftd, and the waste of a large ate, a system that delays, distracts, irri pletely slipped my mind. Ah, how eas top me if you've heard this amount of time and money. There are tates and frustrates, consuming ily they forget! Anyway, here we are, before. nearly 30 on disproportionate resources that should the final term for many of you, the final SiN o , my floor be better spent making this place the term for this column (don't pop the don't, Simon Baker alone, mean- best university in the country, it surely champagne corks just yet in Suite Five because to | ing that this can't be the Rector, unless of course - I'm going out with a bang not a whim the best of I is going to the message of this column is finally per) and the beginning of the end of my knowl I mean serious getting through. student life. Of course, there is the edge, this is 1 money Col- small matter of exams before all that, the millionth I lege-wide at but since you've all spent every waking time I've had I over a fiver a And Finally, the News minute of the holidays with your nose a rant about ' time. The rea- in a textbook, that should be a for the fire | son I know mality. And while we're on the subject, alarms in this I this is "here seems to be a very disparate what better way to cap your time at IC place. Just I because in range of people In the news at the than a night at Alexandra Palace for the when you November Vmoment . First up we have the Summer Ball! think it can't 1998, a com case of Mr Johnnie Walker (the DJ I n The inaugural event last year was get any more pany selling rather than the indifferent Scotch). The a tremendous success, and I am sure ridiculous, this rubbish News of the World, birthplace of the that this time the standard will be even somebody in I sent me their Late Voice of Reason Senior, has made higher. However, last year's ball proved College does j catalogue a terrible fuss about the whole sordid a bit simpler from a funding perspec something I out of the affair, as is their wont. Now I would be tive, thanks to the wondrous gen of such I blue. The the last person to condone his behav erosity of EDS, conveniently run by a breathtaking j S u n d a y iour, but should we really be surprised College alumnus. Though efforts this idiocy that 1 Times' Tara that someone who works for Radio 2 year seem to be proceeding well, I you can't Palmer- finds the need to take powerful stim am very surprised by the College atti help but Tompklnson ulants? What next? Jimmy Young on tude to sponsorship. As the committee laugh. As Voice of Reason gets jewel- speed? We have also learnt that Prince suggest, such an event is a marvellous regular read encrusted William is now a 'social smoker', as showcase for Imperial, which could in ers will know, the alarm in my own underwear, I get the Autumn 1998 opposed to a smoker who stubs his future prove to be a valuable forum for department has been anything but a Seton Select Catalogue. I know my fags out on people's foreheads, I pre forging and strengthening industrial laughing matter for as long as anyone place. sume. Needless to say, wishy-washy links. Therefore a contribution from can remember. Though it is religiously liberals and health fascists the length College to ensure that such an event tested every Thursday (a priest per and breadth of the country have achieves the necessary prestige and forms the Last Rites), every man and In a League of its own... decried his actions, saying he has dam quality does not seem to much to ask his dog knows it has all the reliability aged his position as a positive role As we have come to expect, the of a chocolate teapot. So why not fix model. Nonsense. He has decided that answer was no and it? Not possible, nother day, another league he will not be forced unswervingly into reason was woolly "Though [the fire dear reader, table. Imperial, after consolidat an image created for him by the media, and far from true. because we don't A«in g our runner-up position in the thus doing himself an enormous credit, Certainly, the alarm] is religiously have any money. FT survey, has now 'regardless of the Deputy Rector can't Fair enough. After been accorded "Prince William is now a rights or wrongs of dish out money tested every Thursday all, we've built a lot second position in the odd crafty from his fund, but of granite horticul The Times. The 'social smoker', as Marlboro. And the Pro-Rector (Edu (a priest performs the tural features this stalwarts of the IC finally, a bit closer cational Quality) year. So why has my Distorter 'Media opposed to a smoker to home, the can and does, Last Rites), every man beloved department Mentions' column Director of through the Union been defaced with must be wetting who stubs his fags out finance, Mike subvention, the Stu and his dog knows it stupid 'safety' signs themselves on Hansen, is in the dent Counsellor designed to serve account of Sir Ron on people's foreheads." news. We are los funding and the has all the reliability of the needs of the appearing in every ing him to King's, Warden's entertain educationally sub publication from the Evening Standard and a very grave loss it is for Imperial. ment budget, none a chocolate teapot." normal, the concen to Exchange & Mart. Always a banker Since the news broke, my phone has of which are tration of whom is for a good quote, the Rector said great n't stopped, jammed by people plead counted as academic expenditure. I fairly low on my side of Queen's Lawn. things about IC and our superiority ing for help in making him change his find It amazing that a couple of thou Apparently, those little red glass- over Oxford. He did us proud and we mind. Most moving was the emotion- sand could not be directed from or fronted boxes on the wall, bearing the all deserve a pat on the back. Now I choked voice of the Rector, begging for through his accounts. Nobody would words FIRE SMASH GLASS' are 'Fire always thought Oxburgh was a fairly solutions to this problem. We must seek to get College to bankroll the Alarm Call points.' Well, bugger me! unusual surname but, by amazing coin have got cut off before he had a event; the Rector himself said last year You cannot imagine how much more cidence, I recently read comments by chance to reply to my suggestion of that that would probably be a disaster. soundly I sleep at night armed with a similarly surnamed gentleman. This more money, but there you go. Con Making such a donation would keep that knowledge. It gets better. You Oxburgh, in response to suggestions gratulations on the new job, you will be our friends in Sherfield at a safe dis know those wall-mounted, rolled-up that the UK university sector was slip missed. But if all other efforts to per tance, but would send out the signal hose pipe thingies dotted around cam ping behind our American cousins, said suade you fail, I suppose I could always that we are really serious about this. pus? I, like most of you, thought that that if the Government were unable or dig out those photos... 4 May 1999 Columns 9

Clocks Defy Physics DoC's Secret Printer and is apparently situated in DoC, Though almost inanely simple it although last time I looked it was appears to be providing effective stress

A strange phenomenon has been If you've got time on your hands and apparently unsure of it's precise loca relief for its participants. observed in the Huxley (physics) build you are in front of a tion. The increasing popularity of the pas ing over the Easter period. Clocks in computer, take a look at time Is reflected by the growing area public areas all over the building which http://amber.doc.ic.ac.uk which is now used incorporating the have previously always been reliable, It is... well.. I would area between Sherfield and the and could always be depended upon describe It as a printer, Revision Queen's Lawn, as well as the area to show the correct time have been but it describes its self where it originally appeared, directly in noticed behaving strangely. on its website as a com Destroys Minds front of the Library. Some clocks have stopped, show plete document centre. ing various times, and others are Just As well as being a com A new sport appears Biochemistry Breakfast plain wrong. Many explanations have plete publishing to be evolving within been put forward, including the machine, it also insists Imperial. Created by Cereal sequence of power outages that have on setting itself up as a groups of students recently affected the building. Which webserver when A Mostly Harmless Column by needing a break If you have ever walked past the bio is much more plausible than one of attached to a network. from long days chemistry department and been per the alternatives - Imperial physicists The device's status, Kevin, a random entity who spent revising in plexed by the delivery of crates of working on the challenge of making and settings (now the Library over breakfast cereal. Kevin will now time travel a reality have made a break password protected) knows nothing about nothing the "holidays". The enlighten you, the best medium for through in their research. are all available online, game involves growing fungi in today's world of mod as is the option to print a test page three to five people, passing a ball or ern biochemical research, is not an Send ideas and contributions to or 99. This Xerox-made monster is a beanbag between them, trying to keep advanced polymeric nutrient complex, [email protected] printer / copier / stapler / fax / scanner it in the air for as long as possible. but damp shredded wheat.

Presidential Talk-Back

Health Centre outside of lunchtime hours, the period Btokchair of time at which the Student's Union is at its busiest. In the health centre's Bookchair is specifically designed to prevent ow can I continue without defence, however, they have extended exploiting my column to reply to their opening hours to six o'clock, back and neck ache amongst stidents, and H the letter by Irene Weinreb, the something that can only be supported, has been endorsed by the Open University Director of the Health Centre. Firstly I and the problems lie more directly with Occupational Health Team. would agree with her that the health the NHS in general than the staff of the centre staff are 'dedicated and caring': Health Centre, who have always struck Whenever I have used the centre the me as even worthy of our own medical treatment I have received has always school (I mean that in a good way.) been excellent. Though to say that I am made of solid beech 'confusing the issue of lack of appoint lacquered ments with lunchtime opening' simply Summer Ball canvas book rest isn't true. The main complaint that I receive about the Health Centre is that can be used for most

it takes 'two weeks to book an appoint he summer ball is now going book sizes, and A4 ment'. Irene has pointed out to me ahead, it's great but quite a worry. sheets that this Is not because of a lack of T Although it will no doubt be a suc appointments, but because IC students cess in the eyes of anyone who available in several have such little free time during the day attends, the finances are under a bit colours, including red, due to lectures, that more pressure. The green, blue, biege and they can not fit the David Hellard, ICU President exuberance of this black available slots into _ ,„> year's ball makes their schedule, and I £55 seem like a co Bookchair is an ENTIRELY NEW product and fully com- this is where my I op closing down point lies. Surely |j ,m, sale price and even plies with all British safety standards. Each bookchair changing the open mi Michael Eavls has comes in an attractive and solid decorated box. ing hours to a time -i been on the phone when students are I l|p asking us to change Available from selected retail outlets for £20, but read- can available will fully || the date. Maybe I'm ers ofrjp£2gX purchase it for utilise the spaces ™^ just getting paranoid available and not ll in my old age, after force them to miss I all we only need to lectures to get an JJ lids; +E2.50 p&p appointment. I ing from last year, Credit card orders: Although I can I thai largel will be hi! understand that within a few weeks. 0181520 5878 or mmJiookclialr.com there is considerable administration to If you don't get one on time, maybe a Bookchair, FREEPOST LON11741, London, E17 7BR be done, I still haven't heard a good dodgy JMC student will tout you one for reason as to why this can not be done £90. 10 Science 4 May 1999 Just what is a Widget? Marvel of the modern age or a triumph of PR over practicality? Anita Chakraverty investigates.

ou've probably heard Jack Dee waxing lyrical about them, but do Y you know what one actually is? I am talking, of course, about the wid get. If you have ever been sufficiently bored to shake a can of beer around once you have finished with it, you may have heard something rattling around inside the can. This is the wid get. In an attempt to find a meaning, I consulted Collins English dictionary. Apparently the official definition of a widget is 'a small mechanism or device, the name of which is unknown or tem porarily forgotten.' This is not very help ful. A widget is in fact a small plastic device in a can of beer that promises to serve that 'just served by the landlord' taste of draught beer in the comfort of your own home. They come in many different shapes and sizes, depending on what kind of beer you drink, but all are designed to release nitrogen in the can, As Jack Dee said: "WldgeL.lt's got a wldget...wldget...a widget It has got" which creates an effect mimicking hand- pumped beer. Air is predominantly made up of by Guinness, in 1989. The company flow use a round plastic cartridge, that the widget only works once the nitrogen so, in theory, the action of the had been using nitrogen in keg-stout Stones Bitter has a paper fan-like object can is first opened, and that it does not widget creates a similar effect to air mix since the 60's which, in combination in it, and Tetley's has a plastic worm provide a complete solution to the dif ing with beer as it is pulled through a with a special spout, ensured that the held in place by a collar. ficulties posed by using nitrogen. Cer spout from a cask. All beer naturally con stout always poured Guinness have tain cans of widget beer, John Smith's tains carbon dioxide as a by-product of with the requisite "...nitrogen from now gone one step for example, still act very differently fermentation (although extra may be white, creamy head. further and released when opened at different tempera added), and it is this which gives the beer The same principle the widget creates Widget 2, the floating tures. These beers have to be chilled Its gasiness. The bubbles are big and was then used to widget. This one, before opening, otherwise the beer coarse, and produce the 'hiss' when market their cans of much finer bubbles known as the "Snake" spurts out, dousing the carpet and opening a can of beer or lager. The addi stout. (because it rattles drenching any unsuspecting crisps in tion of nitrogen from the widget creates Other companies which produce when the can is the vicinity. much finer bubbles which produce started introducing empty), consists of a Other critics claim that widgets creamy, long-lasting foam - the much their own widgets creamy, long-lasting tiny ping-pong ball make beer taste bland and foamy. Beer sought-after creamy head, found in beers during the recession filled with gas that writer of the year, Andrew Jefford, says such as Boddington's Gold or Guinness. of the early 90's. As foam..." swirls around the beer "all that creamy foam can get a bit cloy The problem with putting nitrogen in the public started as its being poured, ing after a while, and there's nothing the can is that it is much more soluble feeling the pinch, they began to go out producing a much thicker head. Guin natural about nitrogen in beer...for and temperature sensitive than carbon less, spending more money on home ness have developed two versions of complexity and sublimity of flavour, dioxide, so some of it entertainment such as the Snake: for bitter, a you need true, living has to be isolated from "...a small video games and small pin-prick size .in five years time, draught: ale drawn the rest of the beer CD's. There is a gen hole allows the ball to from an ungassed, until the can is mechanism or eral trend for people spin slowly through widget beer is gently respiring cask." opened, when it can to drink more during a the drink creating a Even the purists do, then rush out. Initially, device, the name of recession even creamy head; for kely to represent however, acknowl nitrogen is introduced though they have less lager, the ball has two edge that canned, into the beer as a liq which is unknown money to spend, and pin-prick holes which 50% of the widget beer is prefer uid, and only becomes breweries were puz means it spins faster able to canned, non- a gas once the lid is or temporarily zled that beer sales to make it busier and take-home beer widget beer. Jonathan attached to the can. As weren't increasing. bubblier. Tuttle, a representa They conducted mar- it becomes a gas some forgotten..." The reason for market..." tive of CAMRA, the is forced under the ket research which the sudden interest in campaign for real ale, widget creating a pocket of gas, isolated showed that people didn't like drinking widgets is simple: The market for wid says "It ruins the complexity of from the rest of the beer until the can is beer at home simply because it wasn't get beers is growing at 20% per year beer...but if all you want is a creamy opened. The change in pressure as the like the beer you got at the pub. Enter and in five years time is likely to rep beer with a big head, it's brilliant". can opens forces this nitrogen back out the widget - or, in PR speak - the resent 50% of the take-home beer mar Nonetheless, the popularity of into the beer. Draughtflow System. There are now ket. these beers suggests that, regardless of Widgets are a relatively new inven dozens of types of widget. Bodding The big question is whether widget the critics, widget beer is here to stay. tion - they were first introduced to us ton's Flowers and Whitbread-Draught- beer Is any good. Many critics note Anyone for a pint? Tuesday ath May EDINBURGH UNIVERSITY OPEN STUDENTS ASSOCIATION THE PLEASANCE SOCIETIES CENTRE Doors: 7.30pm BOX Office: 0131 650 2349 Wednesday 5th May WARWICK UNIVERSITY STUDENTS UNION ZIPPY'S DOORS: 8.00PM AWARD Box OFFICE: 01203 572 777 BRITAIN'S BIGGEST SEARCH / 01203 690916 Thursday FOR NEW COMEDY STARS 6th May SEMI-FINALS UNIVERSITY SIMPLY BRILLIANT" OF LIVERPOOL Mrs Merton star Caroline Aherne VOI GUILD OF STUDENTS SARO WIWA BAR V Doors: 8.00pm BOX 0ffice>Q151 709 9108

£—. Friday an 7th May appearance at IMPERIAL COLLEGE The Montreal UNION & Melbourne Comedy Festiv dB's Doors: 8.00pm BOX Office: 0171 59a 8068

Sunday AND a live 9th May CARDIFF booking on %j^3Sf? the earisberg UNIVERSITY ice comedy STUDENTS UNION Network THE TERMINAL Doors: 8.00pm BOX Office: 01222 387 421 Hosted by Thursday 13th May r-: -j ^-m o --f.]; THE ACADEMY, UNION OF PERRIER BEST NEWCOMER NOMINE ESRUNEL STUDENTS THE ACADEMY If you would like to enter next years competition please send your name and address to: Doors: 7.45pm ard 2000, BOX Office: 01895 462 200 Tickets: £2.50 12 Film 4 May 1999

8mm ***

Starring : Nicholas Cage, Joaquin Phoenix, James Gandolfini Director: Joel Schumacher

nce again we find ourselves enough to pay for (and get thrills out in "looked like a great idea on of) some grainy footage of a real mur O paper" territory, with der. Cage's role is thus to do the pri Columbia Pictures this time footing vate-eye thing, and find out whether or the bill to bring together a highly prof not they're really out there - and in so itable director (Schmacher), an doing he begins to lose his own sense of morality, slipping further and fur immensely popular and talented actor ther into the abyss. Which (as (Cage) and an acclaimed scriptwriter Schmacher can't resist drumming into (Se/en's Andrew Kevin Walker). And whenever possible) is the real thrust of yet again the Hollywood money-men the movie. He starts out as a moral, are proven wrong, thanks to a pass family loving good guy, and is pro able but ultimately disappointing gressively drawn deeper into a world of movie which has struggled to recoup porn, S&M, seedy directors, coming its $40 million budget. out the other end as a murdering, trau- So what's the problem? Put simply, matised, emotional wreck. Yawn. Sadly, it's that the movie isn't sickening that's hardly enough to keep you going enough. 5e7en had even the hardest for the requisite 90 minutes, so whilst horror nuts on the edge of their seats, there are moments when 8mm seems waiting to see what Brad Pitt would do on the verge of crackling into life, it when he found out what was in the simply fizzles along. box; meanwhile, 8mm will leave you sit ting comfortably. You see, 8mm is a Despite Cage's dark portrayal, with movie about snuff films - movies which out the necessary feeling of horror or seem to show a real murder taking Iflt shocks Joaquin Phoenix then It's gotta be nasty. revulsion you're left with a distinctly place - and Schmacher seems to average thriller, which, whilst painfully yearning for indie credibility, ultimately believe that Nick Cage going "Oh n't. Indeed, in this graphically-violent have largely been considered some finds itself plastered in Hollywood no...oh...please... oh....no" all the time age, even the snuff movie itself simply thing of an urban myth - with the cliche and morality. Q is going to convince us that he really is isn't shocking enough. majority of polite society unable to in a murky, unpleasant world. It does- You see, traditionally, snuff movies accept that anyone would be sick Dave

Message In A Bottle * * Starring : Kevin Costner, Robin Wright Penn, Paul Newman, Robbie Coltrane Director: Luis Mandoki

hick-flick is a term I try to avoid You see, the real problem with under normal circumstances, Kevin Costner, the real reason why most Clargely because I really love your of his recent movies have flopped so average soppy romantic comedy, and spectacularly, is that he's so incredibly I'm worried what that says about my dull. This man is not someone you're personality. However, once in a while going to fall in love with - you're going you come across the type of movie to be falling asleep before the end of which is so completely fuelled by long, the first date. We're talking an honest meaningful looks into the middle-dis to goodness, solid timber, special-offer- tance, deep, deliberate sighs and at-Homebase, 2" by 4" plank. Conse moonlight dinners that there's simply quently, despite the best attempts of ' no other term to describe them. We're Newman and Coltrane (who puts in a talking movies that are trying to make surprisingly convincing US accent you cry - the kind of movies your mum alongside his usual enjoyably-hammy < probably likes....and the kind of performance), this is a movie that sim movies that should opl star Kevin ply falls to engage on an emotional Costner. level - even when the "surprise" ending lurks into view. As you've probably guessed, Mes sage In A Bottle is such a movie. Wright In the words of Sting: "Sending out an SOS to the world". All of which adds up to a pro Penn is a divorced journalist who finds foundly unsatisfying experience, embla a bottle with a (yep, you guessed it) the fabulous Paul Newman (engagingly standard, predictable stuff, which zoned with absolutely no sense of message inside, which is so heartfelt grumpy in every scene); rather it's his hinges on a few twists - mostly non-exis realism and some painfully cheesy dia and romantic that she instantly falls in son, Costner, a small-town boat-builder tent, and certainly insufficient to pad out logue - and it's not even feel-good. A love with its writer and begins to track who's still mourning the loss of his wife, a two hour movie - and some decent chick-flick indeed. Q him down. Sadly, the letter's writer isn't two years earlier. In essence/it's pretty performances from the leads. Oh dear. Dave 4 May 1999 FillH 13 Reviews & Competition Heart *****

Starring : Christopher Ecclestone, Kate Hardie, Rhys Ifans, Saskia Reeves Director: Charles McDougall

powerful psychological thriller about obsession, lust, and dan Antz A gerous relationships, Heart is After twelve months in operation, Steven brought to life by Jimmy McGovern's Spielberg's Dreamworks studio seemed distinctive style, with dark humour to be in big trouble, thanks to a couple and a fast, energetic script compli of flops and floundering finances. A mented by strong performances. If year later, its cemented its place as one you liked Cracker then this dramatisa of Hollywood's big boys, thanks in large tion will intrigue you. part to a new approach to animation, There are only four main charac under the leadership of ex Disney hon- ters to focus on and all their faces are cho Jerry Katzenberg. Leading the way very familiar. Eccleston is Gary Ellis was Antz, their superior all star bugs-ln- whose sexual jealousy of his wife - peril flick which beats Disney's technical Hardie - drives him to a heart attack. superior A Bugs fife by miles, thanks to Whilst Ecclestone is trapped in a wheel good gags aimed at kids and adults chair, his wife embarks on an affair alike - I'm guessing that Disney proba with writer Ifans, and he begins to bly Wouldn't contemplate casting Sharon believe that only a heart transplant Stone and Woody Allen in lead voice- can save their marriage. The other over roles. Cartoon fun the way it ought main character is Reeves, the mother to be. of the dead heart donor, and she is undeniably abnormal. The death of Christopher Ecclestone.- One of Britain's finest actors. her son has devastated her, and meet Les Miserables ing Gary gives her life a new meaning. 200 scenes compared with the nor you're squeamish. The highly charged sexual and emo mal 90-odd in your average 90-minute Heart deals with strong emotions Great cast: Liam Neeson, Geoffrey tional encounters between these four film. This gives the effect of a percep and is totally fanatical - this amazing Rush, Claire Danes, UmaThurman. Great leads to violent deaths and disturbing tible roller-coaster ride. It is also visu British film should only be missed in novel: adapted from Hugo's original, outcomes. ally distressing so don't go and watch exceptional circumstances. Q without any of the annoying singing we Heart is very fast moving with over this film on your own especially if Helen now all associate with the name Les Miserables. Great movie? No. The power of the novel seems to have gone miss ing somewhere in the search for sump Win tickets to The Waterboy with the tuous costume drama styllngs, so whilst It certainly looks nice - and opens up the book to a far wider audience - it falls far short of what it could have been. Nonetheless, it's a competent, well- acted adaptation, with a timeless story at its heart. Fear & Loathing KENSINGTON in Las Vegas

Enjoy mere's Something About Mary and a chance of winning. The first ten names Terry Gilliam, Jonny Depp and The Wedding Singer ? Well, expect more out of the virtual hat will win a pair of tick Hunter Thompson bfought together in of the same from The Waterboy, which ets, courtesy of the Odeon Kensington. one movie. You expect extreme well fuses Adam Sandler's bizarrely engaging The winners of last term's Plunkett & ness - and Fear & Loathing delivers in features onto the kind of dumb-ass com Macleane competition were: spades. Psychedelic effects, incompre edy that's currently all the rage in the Robin Jeffries hensible trains of action and thought; States. It's hardly the stuff of classics - San Hugh Ash more drugs than the mind can com dler plays the titular minion, who rises Amelia Swaine fortably imagine; and wall-to-wall from his lowly position to become a Tim Smith strangeness. Basically, if you can follow national celebrity - but it's apparently incred Marie Nlcholaou this movie, then you're either stoned or ibly funny, and has gone down a storm in Andrew Roberts schizophrenic. So is it any good? Well, I the US. For your chance to find out why, Dan Bradfleld guess that's going to be a very personal simply answer the following question: Andy Royal decision - however, whatever your feel Alison Colvert ings, it's definitely something that should Which cult Icon links The WaterboywWh Cllve Hudson be seen on the big screen - Gilliam Scream and Happy Days! They all spotted that Robert Carlyle directs with every inch of the screen in will star in the new James Bond movie. The mind, so a 21" screen simply won't do Email your answers to [email protected] World Is Not Enough. Please drop into the it justice. before Wednesday evening to be in with Felix office ASAP. Dave 14 Arts 4 May 1999 WILLIAM KENTRIDGE Serpentine Gallery

illiam Kentridge is a powerful film artist. He was born in WJohannesburg in 1955 and so grew up under apartheid. He was a student of Politics and African culture. The films he creates are potent attacks on aspects of society, particularly with regard to the injustices of the capital ist system and the effect these can have on the individual. The method employed to produce his graphic portrayals is unique. After drawing the first frame - with charcoal and sparse use of pastel colours - he photographs it. Next he modifies and reforms, blends, erases and redraws, and thus transforms the first frame into the second. This step by step approach leaves trace markings of the previous frames, showing the passage of time For those turned off by politics, I within every moment. Very original, can assure you that the films are enter very striking. taining. Judging them aside from any Kentridge, rather than being specif political criteria they are still well worth ically concerned with apartheid, It; at times shocking and often funny. reaches to and explores wider issues of The films are not pessimistic or maudlin suffering. Issues such as the longing of images of the ills of society but instead the individual versus responsibility vigorous attacks on these ills. It is quite towards society as a whole. He does possible to appreciate the work for just not use his art as a political instrument this vigorous energy and nothing else. to didactically sway others to his own Personally, I found this the most beliefs, but rather uses these issues as intriguing aspect of his art; it would be a spring board for his films. He views lying to suggest that the meaning or his creations as pure and thinks them plot of some of the more obscure void of social morals - "I don't think scenes were easy to understand from a there is a social responsibility for an first time viewing. But when I was per artist". plexed (which is not hard) I sat back Incidentally, the man pictured at and just let the film play to me, being the top, and used by Kentridge to sym able to enjoy it on a much shallower bolise how ill capitalist greed can make level. Never did I find them pretentious you, is called Felix - how ironic. even if I did at times find them hard. If you go and see these films, you will see a man who grows so fat from his profits that he is unable to move from his pulsating, sweating bed. A violent crash between a cyclist and a car so graphically illustrated that you see his bones smash from within as well as from without. A French kiss in a man's daydreams which changes before your eyes into the passionate thrusting of the lovers (some time after they moved on from kissing!) He does not pull any punches. This artist is not afraid to deal with con tentious, powerful issues head on and '. . :: .... ' close up. It is also free and only two minutes away - go and see it. 4 May 1999 Books 15 THE OXFORD BOOK OF WORK Edited by Keith Thomas

'll resist the obvious attempt to chosen to illustrate a specific point; based on profession that is yet To me, the very best pieces in inject a bit of "humour" through Parkinson's own description of the another example of a system that this tome are those referring to pride I the device of pointing out how famous law that bears his name started out with the best of inten and satisfaction in the doing of one's reading this book is a lot of work; it "Work expands to fill the time avail tions and with complete fluidity, but work - A. E. Housman's description of is a hefty 600-page anthology of writ able" crops up In the section on has since been twisted by dishon how he wrote a poem of his is a ing on, as the title says, work. Sir "reluctant" workers, while W. E. ourable individuals with vested inter case in point. A particularly moving Keith Thomas, once high-flying his Oates' own definition of his addition ests. Charles Dickens and Thomas and evocative paragraph from torian, former President of the British to the English language - the word Hardy feature conspicuously, crop Edward Gibbon's memoirs depicts Academy and current President of "workaholism" - finds a place under ping up all over the book, and, for his pang of humility and melancholy Corpus Christi College, Oxford, has after the initial euphoria and triumph ferreted out writings on work of all at his completion of "The History of kinds, from "Students, Scholars and the Decline and Fall of the Roman Scientists" to the "Shadier Trades", Empire". The feeling of contentment and has, I must say, succeeded in one gets upon shutting the volume, shattering any first impression one even after the briefest of dips, alone might have that the task of compiling makes this a book worth obtaining - such an anthology is necessarily a it's almost surprising how many dreary, onerous one. This work is times I'd find myself reading this clearly a labour of love, and Thomas' book, having just picked it up to dip well-chosen material shines light on in at random or to look something many different aspects of work. up. The anthology is not without its The editor introduces the book by blemishes - the sections on the role pointing out how modern employ of women and child labour in the ment is actually a modern develop world of work seem a bit underde ment - with out-and-out slavery, veloped, as does the section on sol serfdom and other forms of compul diers; there are doubtless many fine sory labour accounting for a large pro writings on the subject. The large portion of work done in the past, and amount of literature that can be briefly examines the tricky question as found both in print and in electronic to whether a housewife or a child form on engineering work and par doing homework is actually "working" ticularly on computer programmers in the same sense as a manual and their unique approach to the labourer. The answer, of course, world of work does not appear to depends on how the term "work" is have been considered at all, either, defined. The editor has, rightly in my sadly - while this does not detract opinion, chosen to take a broader from the overall merit of the book, view of work than any narrow one, it does render the inescapable feel quoting the standard example of non- ing that, large and detailed though intellectuals failing to see the point of this collection is, something is lack "head work", deeming it useless and ing. Some of the extracts from nov unworthy in any real, practical sense. els are necessarily long, clearly to The opinions and ideas pre establish context, but a fair number sented in the quotes, essays, poems of these are perhaps far too long and extracts from novels presented and rambling to fit comfortably well here range across a wide spectrum, into what amounts to a general col from traditional upper-class arro lection of short pieces. The "Index of gance as in Arthur Young's "Every Authors and Sources Quoted" at the one but an idiot knows that the lower end isn't particularly well-con classes must be kept poor, or they structed, either, and leaves out a will never be industrious" and the "Addiction to Work", for instance. the masochist, there's some truly number of references, which essen intellectually snobbish William Alley's Idleness merits its own little section "heavy" verse from Gerard Manley tially meant I couldn't cheat by just "...it is illiberal and servile to get the here, with the expected Rip Van Win Hopkins, a Jesuit poet from the last looking at the index! living with the hand and sweat of kle extract and quotes from John Stu century. Of course, the conspicuous Yet, these failings are minor, for the body", to the ideology of Marx art Mill and Bertrand Russell ("I think literary adornment doesn't mean that givable even, especially considering and Engels. Sir James Denham's mid- that there is far too much work done all is heavy and serious - the section the background of the author and nineteenth century observation that in the world, ... the need no longer on "Looking for a Job" is particularly the true literary merit of most of the men had become "slaves to their exists"). Expressions of discontent light-hearted, featuring a brilliantly included pieces. This is certainly a own work" finds a place, as does D and disgruntlement appear through funny piece from Ogden Nash. The book that attracts puzzled and H Lawrence's lament "earning a out, notably in Joe Corrie's worker's anthology closes, appropriately incredulous attention from nearly wage is a prison occupation". The rail against his "machine", "leering enough, with a look at life after work, everybody who sees it, and is a wor and mocking" at its "helpless slave". a section particularly relevant to the authors Thomas has chosen range thy addition to anybody's bookshelf. There's also a piece by K. Ishwaran many leading a life of enforced retire from the likes of Gautama Buddha, on India's notorious (and now out ment, unable to find gainful employ Herodotus and Virgil to the modern- Sunil lawed) caste system, a blatantly ment after falling victim to the day Tom Wolfe and Vikram Seth. unfair and unjust division of society "downsizing" and "costcutting" ploys Most extracts have been classi Oxford University Press into arbitrary hierarchical classes of organisations large and small. fied under specific sections and are Hardback - £20.00 16 Games 4 May 1999

Civilization - Call to Power (PC)

Call to Power (or CivCTP armies facing each a. 9 Si' as I'm going to call it other, and then enables f' , .;:;v.;.:J ' from now on to save my you the player to select poor typing finger) cov which of your units is llllill! ers the same timescale going to attack which of as the original Civilisation your enemy's units. The games; you start as the idea is an interesting ^fHillJIH head of an insignificant one, but isn't imple ! ' . ,': ..... tribe of nomads, and mented enough to torn such meagre begin- make any real advance mmm ^ * lo (recite Ihe in terms of the game's greatest empire the payability. There's a good argument for which you started on undefined "Future j£» world has seen. In the adding a tactical combat element to Civ, Technologies". The only benefit to be J* way that will be familiar but it needs to be far more flexible than gained from researching these was the to all of you who have it Is here. Currently it just feels like a addition of points to your end score, Those of you who were awake a couple played any of the preceding Civ games. momentary (and ultimately rather annoy with the result that most people devel of issues ago will remember that I You do this by founding cities, raising ing) distraction from the main business oped the laser, and then shoved their reviewed a game called Alpha Centauri, taxes and diverting those taxes into of the game. research budget down to levels not vis and rather rashly called it the best game researching technologies. Once you The most obvious difference is the ible without the aid of an electron micro I'd ever played and that if another game have these new technologies, you graphics. At a cursory glance, the inter scope. Activision have created a set of came along this year which could com develop new and better clubs with which face has much more in common with plausible Future Technologies, all of pete with it, I'd strip naked and dance to hit your enemies around the head Age of Empires than with Civ2 or Alpha which give you specific advantages that around da Vinci's whipping myself with with. You also have the chance to Centauri. The units are far better defined expand your options a little bit. a metre length of coaxial cable. Or some develop your cities, build Wonders of and animated than both Civ2 and Alpha Activision's aims are fairly clear - they thing like that. Our beloved Games Edi the World and generally make your Centauri, and it is certainly much easier wanted to improve on the military side tor says I did, and he wouldn't lie, would empire one to rival, well, your rivals. to see what is where than in cither of on Civ, something that could benefit he? One of the biggest problems faced those two. The city management screens from a little attention - and they should Anyway, he seems to think I might by any games developer when devising have also been significantly altered, and be applauded for their attempt to update have to make good on my promise, as the follow up to a game like Civ is where are much clearer than those in Civ2 or the series in this respect. However, by he's given me a copy of the official Civ2 to take it. Sid Meier widely expanded the Alpha Centauri. Unfortunately this clear concentrating so much on the military follow-up to review. Civilisation - Call to diplomatic side of the game, but Activi up has resulted in a loss of information, side, they have weakened the game as Power is Activision's first crack at this leg sion have instead opted for increasing particularly in terms of the city's produc a whole. CivCFP is a fine piece of soft endary game since they bought Micro- the military side of the game. Normally tion capabilities, and this limits the range ware, and is definitely the equal of Age prose a year or so ago, and they are this would just mean adding a few new of options available to you. This is unfor of Empires (albeit two years younger), but doubtless hoping for a repetition of the units, tweaking the old units and hoping tunate, as part of the attraction of Civ was they have limited the options available to kind of success that saw the original for the best, but Activision, to their credit, the flexibility you had in controlling the the player so much that if you compare Civilisation installed on millions of hard have introduced a tactical element to manufacturing base of your empire, and it to the possibilities that reside within drives across the globe. It's still not offi the gameplay. In all the previous versions in removing the city production infor Alpha Ccntauri, playing CivCTP feels cially Civ3 - we're going to have to wait of Civ (including Alpha Centauri), combat mation, Activision have removed a fair rather like playing in a straitjacket at a bit longer for that - but Is more a sort was basically a matter of gathering a pile portion of that control. times. It's sad, but I can't help wishing of Civ2-and-a-half, an indication of the of units, and then throwing them against The technology tree has been that Sid Meier still had control over the kind of concepts they will be wanting to your enemy's pile until one of the piles expanded, particularly at the top end of Civilisation brand. develop in the official follow up. was reduced to dust. In CivCTP, a little the tree. In Civ2, the last definite advance Danny Unlike Alpha Centauri, Civilisation - screen comes up which shows the two you could make was the laser, after

Compo Corner Shogo Shootout - The European Finals

-The Results On Thursday 8th April a small band of For those not paying attention Shogo After all this excitement there was an Elite Shogo players were brought is a rabid mad robot based 3rd person ameteur competition between the vari Literally thousands of people entered together by Media Connection UK and shooter. Passing over the normal shot ous press and industry people at the the Warzone 2100 and Commandos Microids to the sacred area known as the gun these beasts fire huge energy event. Unfortunatelty it was at this point competition last week - well perhaps Playing Fields - actually a subterranean weapons the size of large chimney that your reporter had an attack of con nearer 50. The answer to the question cyber games cafe just behind Warren stacks. sumption and had to made his excuses Street tube station. There they fought it The Brits were there in force with five and leave the building rather than embar rass the name of this fine paper. Honest Which two films about blowing things up out for the title of European Champion of the six Finalists only having to brave Guv, would the Games Ed lie to you? have Navarone in their title? - and for the money, a cool 100,000 Yen transport as far as Lancashire. The Con (500 of your cnglish pounds). tinentals were only represented by a is obviously French competitor (the Italian dropped out at the last minute). The Guns of Navarone The frantic fighting through the and Force 10 from Navarone. six chosen battlefields left hundreds dead and wounded, though luckiliy The Winners below can come into the there were no civilian attrocities and Felix office during lunch show some ID absolutely no collateral damage I and collect their prize (First come first reported. The two top dogs were choose). then faced with a final twelve minute J. Clifford (Physics) firefight before the winner Anthony A. Sleeman (EE) | Wadsworth (WAD) was crowned. 4 May 1999 Games 17 Fighter Squadron - Screamin' Demons over Europe (PC)

Activision

ting some red dot on the out, these are obviously radar, pointing your plane lesshandv in lh.rohalii roughly in the direction and firing a few missiles. They stakes, but at least you can ^^^^^^^ look brilliant, but arc more tedious than waiting for a girlfriend to try some clothes on in the changing 40M room. Activision have lis tened and gone and set a flight sim back in the days when the bullets were designed to rip cloth, metal

and flesh from less than flowing spitfire of the 300 metres, finally time to put some Eaaaaaaaoooowwww dakka dakka dakka gang - especially when the machine is a crow compared to the falcon of Air excitement back into the flight sims. dakka and another pesky Jerry pilot was powered by a nice fast graphics card. Combat Simulator. It's not bad, in fact it's going to taste the salty English Channel. fighter Squadron is a bit of a mis The sound is the stable and swift mos very good actually, but in certain bits - the The cool sophisticated pilot checked his named game really. Sure there are fight- quito, adding more of an edge. Unfor- quick flight game for instance - it just six. called his wingman and turned for ers aplenty all lunalely in doesn't feel as fun as it should be. home. Well that is how it should have ready and will- ^ the fun fac Yes il is exciting, it has fighters, gone. In the real world the engine roared ing to scream tor it's ihe bombers and has even got that little into life. I taxied down onto the runway into the air Y slow l.an- minx of a mosquito for you to fly over and then just before leaving the ground and be sen . (aster. il turope. It has absolutely superb graph turned the plane into a nice blazing brick like back " s s lakes a while ics, but there is a simplicity and fun cle modern art display of twisted metal. Per down on the lo gel going ment which is just slightly missing from haps a fighter pilot's life is not for me - ground again, ss and doesn't this flight sim. It is definately one for the fly boys'-and girls' library, especially with the planes just jitter and handle a bit too but there arc; ihe net options out there, but perhaps quickly. also bombers ' Olill I' \: ' not for those trying to kick the shoot-em- flight simulations especially modern from Britain, ycyy . ' :» as you up bug. flight simulations are getting more real Germany and : m lie :L' : istic. This usually means taking off, spot the US to try 'V? also 1 lies like Gary 5.

Civilization 2 (PSX) Activsion

diplomatic, scientific and mil much more a grey-red itary twists and turns that puree, but luckily Civilization $.S.Ci?2 PSX VWerictn) Structural: 39 occur on the bumpy railroad 2 on the PSX has not been Propulsion. 8 , of history. It was a case of mangled beyond recogni Fuel: 8 MM Habitation: 4 _ I knowing where your culture tion. The obvious change is Life Support' * ' / in the view on the screen. As was going and getting there Population: ttl

Those silly people at Beatwax foolishly let two of our 'crack' reporters loose at Alton Towers. Here is their experience, lovingly written for all to enjoy. Not good enough for you? Well, you too can experience it for yourself, by entering our crazy competition at the end.

The mission was simple, we had been sent out to check one hundred and fifty feet up you drop through a steam - a time when even Dr Who could cause slight anxiety on five scary rides deep in country. We weren't Ihe only shrouded hole and hurtle underground until the screams attacks. We took the cable car to the final two rides. Our ones out there though. The opposition, student media nemesis awaited. types all, would be there too all trying to survive the theme park jungle. It was going to be fun, tough but fun. Day 68 - Ripsaw

This was going to be the wet one. Every theme park was Day 1 - The Black Hole at least one and this was the latest Alton Towers attempt to drench the unsuspecting punter. The ripsaw was Remember when you were young and horror films ihought up by someone whose idea of a good time was shown in the cinema were really scary but when you see putting a fountain underneath a fast spinning bench. Out it on video during the day it wasn't quite as good. Well nerves, shot to pieces by the cable car, liked the calm these fiends have reversed this process for roller-coast ing effect the harness that locked us firmly in had. We ers. By covering it up, and not bothering with things like might never be spawn children or speak quite as deeply lights, it has been turned from a gentle fun ride into a and perhaps in hind ever again but we were firmly held as the bench was rictus wide grin moment and a half. sight making Anjit ride in the spun and rocked. We took the soaking well, possibly One down, four to go both of us came out of that front was a little cruel. But reporting is a cruel game and because we were already wet. The spinning though was well despite having to suffer Anjit on my lap. Ihe next there was no place for mercy. There was also no time severe. For the first time my veteran's stomach was target was the Oblivion. Intel reports on this were for a second go, the enemy time and the opposition churning-just a little. Four down, one to go. We had to sketchy, it was tall and fast but that's all we had been told. were all that stood between us and the free alcohol err face nemesis to complete our mission. mission. Day 43 - Oblivion Day 69 - Nemesis Day 62 - The Corkscrew The trek from the exit of the black hole to the entrance We were finally here, the nemesis, the scary one. From of the oblivion was The rush of the obliv the moment the har completed as fast ion firmly behind us ness comes down as we could, to we reached the edge and the floor drops stay as dry as pos of Ug land. Ug land - away we realised that sible. We were the land that sun for it was still the nastiest doomed to stay got. Base had man piece of work in the dry for too long, aged to get some park. The Oblivion is but we finally pictures of the leg big and quick, the realised this when endary Corkscrew to black hole scary but the stinging rain us on the ground. It the Nemesis is just pricked us in the was, as we expected, down right evil. The face when the deep within ug-land. arcing left hand turns Oblivion began its We crept under Ihe all lead up to a loop climb to the top. cover of heavy rain, pausing only to cover our tracks using where only half of it is above ground level. All of this The climb was wet, but we soon forgot about the the adolescent life that teems about the larger rides, while sitting on a seat which has the friction content of / rain. Intel reports had also finally we found the corkscrew - the holy grail of British a freshly shlned burger bar plastic special, allowing you ^/ said that this ride was quick, roller-coasters. Over a decade ago this twisty turney to dangle and swing your feet in fresh, unsupporting air. they failed to mention just how thing first started to scare as only a twisty turney roller- Evil, pure and unadulterated minute madness. The grin

*"/~>N-»v it was quick. It is quick, but coaster can. Time hasn't been gentle to this old lady of from Anjit after he got off this one worried me for a few that is like describing a twist, and even anjit came away with a sense of unfor- minutes though after a few slaps he regained enough hurricane as a little fillment. It was still fun, the triple corkscrew bit was still composure to race to the evacuation point. windy and wet. From twisty & turney but we had all been much younger then Competition Summer Ball 1999

Thanks to those lovely people at Beat Win a load of Jelly Bellys with our exclusive competition! 's^ wax, we have five pairs of tickets for I Alton Towers to give away, valid until With tickets for Imperial's ball now on sale, you can expect a host of give aways and the Autumn. The only catch is competitions in the coming weeks. Currently, we have a stash of jelly bellys to give that we can't provide travel away (about 10Og per winner). To get them, simply answer the following question: for you. "So where is it?" I hear you cry! Well, that's for What do Glastonbury and the Summer Ball have in common? you to find out: a) They arc both attended by thousands To enter the competition, b) fhey both use the same lighting contractor I place a dot on the map oppo- c) 25th June is the date for your diary site where you think Alton Tow d) All of the above ers Is.

Entries should be in by Wednesday The first five people to tell the editor the correct answer after noon today (Tues 5pm, and the closest five will win. day), and utter the magic words "I want to have a ball" get the candy. Silly, Isn't it? 4 May 1999 Spori 19 Can Man Utd do the treble?

As the football season winds up for this year, the question on everyone's minds is can Manchester United to the unprecedented treble - that is win the FA Cup, Ihe Pre miership, and, perhaps biggest of all, the European cup. Here is a quick look at what they will have to do if they want lo succeed.

LEAGUE FA CUP EUROPEAN CUP

While Arsenal were busy thrashing Middlesbrough 6-1 at the Riverside, Man Utd could only draw with Leeds. This left Arsenal top of the league with Man Utd a point behind Man Utd v Newcastle Utd Bayern Munich v Man Utd. in second. to be played at Noucamp Stadium, Chelsea could only draw with Sheffield Wednesday and Leicester, and after los The first time ever that two Uniteds have Barcelona ing in the Cup-Winner's cup semi final, it looks like being a fruitless season for the met in the final of the oldest cup com West Londoners. petition in the world, and it should be a The key to this match for Uld is Ryan Looking at the remaining matches, it is clear that Arsenal have the tougher task, good encounter. With one eye on the Giggs. Following his brilliant goal against with home matches against Derby and Aston Villa, as well as a trip to Leeds and a European cup final the following Arsenal a couple of weeks ago, Fergu tough North London derby with Tottenham, and ex-manager George Graham. Wednesday, Alex Ferguson is likely to son will look to him to provide the play United hardly have a much easier task, facing Villa at home before taking on Liv rest Nicky Butt and possibly Dwight making - especially with attacking mid erpool, Blackburn and Middlesbrough away, and finishing up with Spurs at Old Traf- Yorke/Andy Cole and Peter Schmeichel. fielders Roy Keane and Paul Scholes sus ford. It has long been known that the Euro pended. United should really be up for Manchester United look to be favourites, however, although Alex Ferguson may pean cup is the trophy he truly desires. this match as the atmosphere in the be tempted to rest players for fear of risking injury with the end of season Euro Newcastle manager Ruud Guillit will Noucamp stadium is unlike any other. pean Cup Final. That will be Arsenal's chance to get in and pick up ground on Utd. be hoping that Duncan Ferguson will Bayern have a bit of a reputation for It is interesting that both Tottenham and Aston Villa are both involved and could have returned to partner Alan Shearer in being a bit like George Graham's Arse help dictate the destination of the title. Arsenal fans will be particularly incensed attack, but his side will have to improve nal - they play for the result and are thus if their team loses to a I ottenham side managed by the Arsenal revered George significantly on their performance in the usually fairly dull. None of their players Graham. semi-final defeat of Tottenham. Their particularly stand out, apart from the Felix prediction: Arsenal not quite strong enough. Man Utd - Just defence, in particular, is looking a bit sus experienced Lothar Matthaus at pect. sweeper. f MANCHESTER UNITED "\ f~ ARSENAL However, the match will likely be This has the potential to be a great fairly open with Ferguson resting some match, with both teams in their first Sat May 1 (h) Aston Villa Sun May 2(h) Derby County players and therefore making the teams European final for over 20 years. Wed May 5 (a) Liverpool Wed May 5 (a) Tottenham more even. Looking into my crystal ball I can see Alex Sun May 9 (a) Middlesbrough Tue May 11 (a) Leeds Utd Ferguson's dream at last being realized. Wed May 12 (a) Blackburn Sun May 16 (h) Aston Villa Felix prediction: Draw 1 -1 Sun May 16 (h) Tottenham Newcastle to win in extra time Felix prediction: Man Utd win 2-0

AEROBICS Summer '99 Special Offer! Day Time Level Description Monday 12.-30 General Circuit Training 5:30 General Body Sculpt 1/4 Price 6.-30 Intermediate Aerobics Tuesday 5:30 IntlAdv Aerobics Membership

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KbnaingftHt Gordons Qass Prices Ken*!-Site RCA r- - Members £1.25 "AH ('tosses are helri ( r~ f Non Meinb er s J?, 2.00 y !+: i.ai :<:: =£. f-'nnovr: . To Joto fa, .fast tarn up r I - I " t- Professional Instructors at Student Prices!! CLASSES HELD HERE 20 Sport & Crossword 4 May 1999

CROSS COUNTRY Summer Sports Diary X-Country Cross Channel

MAY 21-July 4: Wimbledon CRIC Relays, Paris whole 200m given a ten second start. 12: UEFA Cup final (Moscow) 27: French GP (Magny-Cours) We had to borrow girls from Holloway 14: Cricket World Cup begins 30-July 4: Henley Royal Regatta Since we're not one of the big clubs and UEA since we weren't fortunate 15: Tetley's Bitter Cup final (Twicken JULY we're not allowed to go on a tour as enough to have any with us. ham); Swalec Cup final (Cardiff) 1-5: England v New Zealand, 1st Test such, however the hard work we put into I was guilty (again) of creating three 16: Premiership season finishes (Edgbaston) the organisation of the Hyde Park Relays average teams, preventing us from beat 16: Monaco GP (Monte Carlo) 3-25: Tour de France paid dividends in the form of coach ing UCL but ensuring all three teams 19: European Cup-Winners' Cup final 8-13: World Student Games (Palma, travel to Paris for the CRIC relays. This is got home before Kings. According to (Villa Park) Majorca) the French version of Imperial located in the results I ran the fastest leg for us and Anthony, outside Paris. the 10th fastest of the day - later it was 22: FA Cup final (Wembley) 11: British GP (Silverstone) proved that our outstanding runner was Man Utd v Newcastle 15- 18: The Open (Carnoustie) We met the Kings / UCL scum at ULU Ben who had actually run both his legs 23- 29: Prutour cycling tour of Britain 16- 18: Nal'l Rowing Ch'ships (Holme and began by successfully lynching the a minute faster than our next best run 24-June 6: French Tennis Open (Paris) Pierrepont) big bird costume, only to be thwarted by ner. Meanwhile Giles took the full flack 26: European Cup final (Barcelona) 22- 26: England v New Zealand, 2nd a larger than life ULU steward who failed for being the last man out on the track Man Utd v Bayern Munich Test (Lord's) to sec the funny side. as he was subjected to Ihe Private Pile 29 -1 June: Nationwide Lge play-off 25: Austrian GP(Al-Ring) Having finally found our destination treatment by the entire squad. finals (Wembley) AUGUST we were disappointed to find they 30: Spanish GP (Catalunya) 1: German GP (Hockenheim) required a 300 quid deposit for our The champagne was opened and JUNE 5-9: England v New Zealand, 3rd Test rooms, so Paul and Nick managed to we all began to prepare for the evening's 5: Euro 2000 qualifiers: England v Swe (OldTrafford) coax the required francs from a nearby entertainment including the naked 4*400 den; Faroe Islands v Scotland 12-15: US PGA (Medinah) cash machine. With the race itself on the relays won this year by Nottingham who 7-13: Stella Artois Ch'ship (Queen's 15: Hungarian GP (Hungaroring) Saturday we were free to climb the Eif retained their title. Whilst this occured the Club) 19-23: England v New Zealand, 4th fel Tower (apparently only 14ft taller than team skulked on the dance floor so as the Physics building) and tour Paris, not to embarress the other competitors. : Euro 2000 qualifiers: Bulgaria v Eng Test (Oval) before finally getting some sleep. land; Czech Republic v Scotland 22-29: World Rowing Ch'ships (St This trip will be remembered fondly 12-13: Le Mans 24-hour race Catherine's, Canada) The race is similar to our event with by all if only for mine and Boaz's inces 13: Canadian GP (Montreal) 29: NatWest Trophy final (Lord's) the same teams winning, Oxford got an sant whinging and Kinky's helmet. I 17-20: US Golf Open (Pinehurst) 29: Belgian GP (Spa-Francorchamps) awesome start while Cambridge lagged hope to see you all next year. 19-20: European Athletics Cup (Paris) 30-Sept 12: US Lawn Tennis Open behind. Paul Mckay managed to stay in Dave 20: Cricket World Cup final (Lord's) (New York) front of Cambridge's Dan Leggate for a

The winner of last issue's crossword (1142) is Catherine Luther Please come Into the office to collect your prize. Entries for this week's crossword should be received by 1 pm Wednesday.

Across Down

I American read-only memory has a 2 You have to solve this one without unit of resistance all confused, but any help. (7) CRYPTIC CROSSWORD we hear he's still a fun guy. (8) 3 Sugar-free cranium shows the way. 6 A Royal Air Force ace loses his bottle, (9)

by Sheep but keeps his flask on the table. (6) 4 Confused, you cry for help and arti 9 Islamic God loses Henry in the mixup ficial insemination in the desert. (5) but finds Dipsy's friend. (4) 5 Dynamos and motors are made from 10 In my genius togs, I put forward an geocentric metal. (15) idea. (10) 6 Is this feline honest? (7) II Youth has an unemployed aroma. 7 It goes around. Turned around it (10) goes around. A Rolls Royce goes 12 Know why I'm horny? SA cash! (4) around too. (5) 13 An old saying mostly sums up how 8 An impatient fling shortens a twen old you are. (5) tieth of a pint, perhaps. (7) 14 Impetuous person may have a fever. 15 Insect runs away with lover rumi (3-6) nants. (9) 16 A strategy completely without col 17 Mother's going back to I rench lege, manages people diplomatically. fathers to give currents. (7) (9) 18 Mourn if it's all the same. (7) 19 Begin with baffled tarts. (5) 20 Go back over the terrace. (7) 21 Astronaut without mace turned 22 Blind a snail affected by the nose. (5) around. (4) 24 Friend has tea but is lustreless. (5) 23 A customer and his ode were shaken and failed to finish. (10) 25 A nobleman in tractors with arlificial intelligence. (10) 26 Found in bogs without refering to the matter of doing something again. (4) 27 Refuge for nitrate-free poppers and us. (6) 28 More brie is sheer ice. (8)