$3 We See It Right, We See It Well, And We’ll Save You From Your Hell $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com March 1st, 2009 [email protected] DOWN WITH THE KINGS (FOR ONCE) Ugh, sunlight! We’re surprised you season, Toews would be staring his first 40- blue line that the Kings have really started still bought this after getting a clear look at season in the face. We are truly blessed to grow something. , Drew how hideous we truly are. Thanks for your to have him. Doughty, and Jack Johnson for a burgeoning charity. When Dogs Get Wings triumverate (what?) that one day soon may For all those who have been clam- To this afternoon, and the visit rival Keith, Seabrook, and...um....Keith again. oring for the Hawks to Khabibulin from the , who can only be Quincey’s been the real surprise; plucked from (we’re not mentioning names, but it rhymes described as a royal (cheeky) pain in the ass Scum on waivers when they ran out of space with “Fairy Pozner”) Friday night against the for the Hawks. A couple weeks ago, when the for him (yes, they’d rather have 78-year old Pens would be Exhibit A as to why not. We Kings threw up seven wins out of eight, there Judas Chelios than this kid), he’s put up 30 mentioned this on the stats page on Friday, was a real buzz about a playoff spot. That’s assists, and looks to be a real player. and now it graduates to the front page today. been tempered a bit by losing the last four of Shut Him Down, The Ones With , for the most part, has been five. The Kings find themselves four points The Crown good to very good. It should also be men- out of the 8th seed, with five teams to leap The Hawks have struggled with the tioned that during the 2nd period against over. In Gary Bettman’s everybody-gets-a- Kings for a couple seasons now. Last year, Pittsburgh he came up with some big saves trophy world, that’s an awfully big task (Seri- they split, though one of the Hawks’ wins to keep the Hawks in it. But the Hawks would ously, who the fuck likes this system? Where shouldn’t count as they blew a four-goal third not have needed keeping in it if Huet had not does he get his numbers? Deerfield?) period lead and escaped in OT. There was let in two --arguably three -- baby-ass soft However, this team is hardly the also the 9-2 shellacking last New Year’s Day, goals. disaster that some had predicted. Part of the and two 5-2 losses this season. Partly, the We understood Q putting in Antti reason for those predictions was a goalie situ- Hawks have just not shown up against a team Niemi in the 3rd period, but it was at least five ation that was crap-tacular. Fittingly, the rea- they must think is inferior to them. Secondly, periods too late. Huet has never shown he son for the small renaissance in the new year the Kings are pretty sound defensively -- can handle a major workload. It bears repeat- is newfound steady play in that area from one more so now with better goaltending -- and ing: Huet has never played more than 50 (God knows we got enough the Hawks haven’t put in the effort to break games in a year. He’s always split time, and of it in January), and improved play from Erik them down, at least not for 60 minutes. The thrived while doing so. Niemi should have Ersberg Lettuce. Quick has been pretty stellar Kings also finish every check (known at the gotten a start against -- where he in the last four games since a full body dry- St. Louis Plan), which we know the Hawks barely would have had anything to do -- or in heave against Atlanta, where he was pulled don’t handle too well. However, the last time Nashville, if for no other reason than to give after giving up three goals on seven shots. He these two teams met, when the Hawks finally the Hawks a spark in a game where they were stopped 39 of 41 Scum shots on Friday night, got going in the last 30 min., the Kings were clearly road weary. The Amazing Cristobal so expect to see him today. mauled. L.A. has also had a problem putting a just can’t perform after two or three starts The Kings have some impressive, full 60 minutes together. If the Hawks do so, in a row, which makes us awfully urpy about young talent up front --Dustin Brown and we’ll have two more points. turning over a playoff run to him (Granted, a Anze Kopitar most notably. But it’s along the playoff schedule is different -- far less travel, -Gov. Bobby Jindal no back-to-back games, and each team is on the same travel schedule). Good thing the Hawks are paying him so much, then. City Slick On the opposite end of the spec- trum, put on a tour de force on Friday. In fact, he’s been doing that for the better part of six weeks. It was more than just his hat-trick (should have been four). As frequent contributor Matt McClure said, “If you played a drinking game where you had to take a drink every time Toews emerges from a battle on the boards or the defensive zone with the puck, you’d be bathing in your own vomit by the second period.” Captain Marvel was simply EVERY- WHERE against Pittsburgh. Starting plays, finishing them, keeping them going. Some were worried that the Hawks actually might not have a #1 center, instead of being short a #2. Toews has quite simply put that to rest the past few weeks, and with authority. Without his 12-game goal drought to start the “You know Cris, some men can go more than twice in a row!!” FROM THE EDITOR

The following is an actual email I sent to Tom O’Grady, Executive Pro- and ponder my emotions. ducer of Gameday Presentation. There are plenty of examples of good goal-songs around the Dear Mr. O’Grady, league. The Rangers use an original composition that provides a sing-along Good day, sir. My name is Sam Fels, and I am one-half of the part, which I think is what you were going for. But theirs contains power Blackhawks Blog Second City Hockey (Ed. note- I didn’t want to mention I chords and drips with spunk. Yours drips with poodle turds. write this for fear that the Hawks organization may want to If you don’t want to go that route, you could copy some “kick it old school” and make my life a living hell outside other teams. Both Philly and Anaheim use Pennywise’s the UC). I am writing to you today because I feel I have a “Bro Hymn,” which also has a sing-along chorus-thing. pretty good feel for the pulse of Hawks fans, and there’s an That’s not bad, but we’d like to be original. So we have issue which is grating on all of us. I feel it is my duty as a some suggestions. spokesman for Hawks fans everywhere to communicate to Personally, I would love to use Pantera’s “Walk”. I you our feelings. understand if you think this might scare mothers; heaven It’s our goal song, Mr. O’Grady. Frankly, it sucks. forbid their kid listens to anything dangerous, i.e fun. But I’m sorry to use such a coarse term, but there simply is no you could still be dorky, as you are now, if you changed other way around it. Believe me, I’ve heard it described in the chorus to “Re’...spect! Hawks!” much worse tones, including some that made children cry. If you want to go really underground, frequent contribu- But making more children cry is the goal song. tor Matt McClure is clamoring for you to use Naked Ray- I’m not sure what you were going for here. Sam Fels gun’s “Soldier’s Requiem.” They’re even a band. Happy? Okay, I guess. But this is happy in the way that But we understand if you would like to go with something guy in your office who’s always cheerful. Do you know what people want a little more user-friendly, and well known. How about “Pump It Up,” to do to that guy? Pull out his esophagus. Nobody likes the stupidly-happy either Elvis Costello’s or the Mudhoney cover? “Search and Destroy” by guy. And that’s what the Fratellis’ song you’ve chosen is. the Stooges? These are perfect. A goal-song should be loud, jarring, raucous, euphoric. After all, Or you know what, Mr. O’Grady? You don’t even need a goal this is celebrating a moment that only happens a few times a night. A goal song. Most fans have expressed a desire for Frank Pelico to just play Here is an event, a jarring event. The song you’ve chosen isn’t loud, or contain Come the Hawks, or whatever he feels. We don’t need a song to make any attitude whatsoever. This is hockey; it’s all attitude. A hockey goal us feel excited. Whatever you decide, sir, this song has to go. We’re the song should make you want drink beer and spill it down your chest. It laughingstock of NHL fans. We deserve better. Please, listen, and lose it. should produce adrenaline. Your current song makes me want to drink tea, Oh, and can the Hawks hit the ice to “Youth Gone Wild” again? NHL STANDINGS *late game not included

Eastern Conference Western Conference

W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 1 Boston 42 12 9 93 215 142 21-4-5 21-8-4 1 San Jose 42 10 9 93 205 148 26-2-3 16-8-6 2 Washington 40 18 5 85 211 182 25-6-1 15-12-4 2 Red Shite 41 14 8 90 234 187 24-4-3 17-10-5 3 New Jersey 40 19 3 83 193 153 21-10-1 19-9-2 3 Calgary 37 18 6 80 195 175 22-7-4 15-11-2 4 Philadelphia 33 17 10 76 198 175 18-8-4 15-9-6 4 HAWKS 34 17 9 77 201 153 15-5-6 19-12-3 5 Montreal 34 22 7 75 194 189 20-6-4 14-16-3 5 31 22 8 70 183 174 15-11-4 16-11-4 6 NY Rangers 32 24 8 72 159 175 19-10-4 13-14-4 6 Columbus 31 25 6 68 167 173 19-10-2 12-15-4 7 Florida 31 23 8 70 171 173 17-8-5 14-15-3 7 Anaheim 31 28 5 67 180 188 15-13-3 16-15-2 8 Buffalo 31 25 7 69 182 175 17-12-2 14-13-5 8 Nashville 31 28 4 66 159 172 19-11-2 12-17-2 9 Carolina 32 27 5 69 169 186 17-13-1 15-14-4 9 Minnesota* 30 25 5 65 153 141 18-11-5 12-14-0 10 Pittsburgh 31 26 6 68 191 195 17-12-2 14-14-4 10 * 30 26 5 65 170 186 14-12-4 16-14-1 11 Toronto 25 26 12 62 191 227 11-11-8 14-15-4 11 Dallas 29 25 7 65 178 187 17-11-4 12-14-3 12 Ottawa 23 28 10 56 152 176 13-11-6 10-17-4 12 St. Louis* 27 26 8 62 170 180 16-11-5 11-15-3 13 Tampa Bay 20 30 12 52 156 198 11-12-8 9-18-4 13 Los Angeles 26 26 9 61 158 175 13-13-8 13-13-1 14 Atlanta 23 34 6 52 188 221 11-17-2 12-17-4 14 Phoenix* 27 30 5 59 158 190 17-12-2 10-18-3 15 NY Islanders 19 36 7 45 150 204 13-13-5 6-23-2 15 Colorado 28 34 1 57 169 200 17-14-0 11-20-1

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP Michal Handzus, a.k.a Top 5 Reasons We Hate Afternoon Hockey Ol’ Dump In His Pants, 5. Do you have any idea how late we were out last night? C, Los Angeles: What 4. Sunlight tends to...well, kills us was your favorite moment 3. Arena full of kids means we get dirty looks from parents after we of the Handzus in Chicago era? All eight games of let loose the string of obscenities that watching Buff skate causes it, that is. If you want to 2. If we start drinking at 2pm Sunday, Monday morning will be hell know why we’ve dubbed 1. Does West Madison really look good in the light? him thusly, watch #26 skate today. He moves Top 5 Reasons We Love Afternoon Hockey around the ice as if he just 5. Straight from the call girl’s place to the UC without showering soiled himself. Maybe he did, and that might 4. Gets us out of whatever “brunch” is. Seriously, brunch? What is explain why it’s so hard to knock him off the this, ? puck. Who the fuck wants to get that close to 3. If we start drinking at 2pm Sunday, Sunday night will be interest- him? Anyway, Zeus chased the money out to LA, where he’s been what he’s always been, a ing pretty solid center, but an overpaid one at $4 2. Teaching kids how to properly call Frolov “fuckwad” million. Would have been nice to see what he 1. Hair of the dog and hockey! and Havlat could have done together if either could have stayed healthy. 34-17-9

On last night, Al Strachan reported (so take it with at least three grains of salt) that Coach Q and Campbell are having their differences, so while the Hawks aren’t shopping Soupy, they won’t hang up on you either. It’s extremely unlikely that anyone would take that contract, though we’d love the space. Campell has definitely had a hand in the power play’s turnaround, and his exit would leave only Keith with any sort of speed from the blue line. But it’s clear Q isn’t enamored, as he booted 51 off the first PP unit on Friday, and hasn’t played him on the PK in months. Though the flexibility is tantalizing, the precedent of shipping out a free-agent signing mere months after bringing him in will leave the Hawks with a rep that will make future free agents think twice, or saddle the Hawks with cumbersome no-trade clauses. Stay tuned. # Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 88 R 5'10" 187 20 58 20 35 55 1 36 10 0 3 180 11.1 $3,725,000

- 24 R The Perfect Beard 6'2" 217 27 60 20 33 53 19 22 5 0 3 182 11 $6,000,000 19 C Captain Marvel 6'2" 209 20 60 25 27 52 12 41 9 0 6 153 16.3 $2,800,000 32 L VerStud 5'10" 180 22 57 16 28 44 14 49 4 4 2 94 17 $491,667 51 D 51 Phantom 6'0" 188 29 60 7 34 41 6 18 4 0 1 78 9 $7,142,875 10 L The Sharp-Shooter* 6'1" 197 27 54 23 15 38 2 39 8 0 4 163 14.1 $3,900,000 36 C Dave Bolland 6'0" 188 22 60 14 23 37 20 34 0 2 4 85 16.5 $845,833 16 L Nails 6'2" 198 23 60 10 25 35 23 22 0 0 1 141 7.1 $1,550,000 2 D 6'1" 194 25 56 7 25 32 30 36 2 1 1 114 6.1 $1,475,000 25 D 6'3" 213 22 47 4 26 30 -2 49 4 0 1 62 6.5 $2,768,587 33 R 6'3" 247 23 55 10 12 22 -1 66 3 0 2 147 6.8 $3,000,000 22 R 6'2" 213 23 51 8 14 22 13 46 3 1 0 97 8.2 $675,000 7 D 6'3" 220 23 60 5 11 16 18 47 2 1 0 99 5.1 $3,500,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6'1" 188 23 60 5 10 15 7 46 0 0 0 44 11.4 $500,000 55 L 6'2" 220 24 56 10 4 14 9 116 0 0 0 60 16.7 $568,000 43 D 6'0" 207 24 29 2 11 13 8 14 1 0 0 67 3 $900,000 8 D Matt Walker 6'3" 214 28 48 1 9 10 14 60 0 0 0 62 1.6 $600,000 37 R Adam Burish 6'1" 189 26 44 5 3 8 7 69 0 0 2 65 7.7 $712,500 23 D Aaron Johnson 6'1" 211 25 28 3 5 8 18 24 0 0 1 20 15 $600,000 28 R Craig Adams 6'0" 197 31 36 2 4 6 -3 22 1 0 0 38 5.3 $600,000 5 D * 6'1" 211 32 23 1 1 2 -4 8 0 0 1 15 6.7 $2,333,333 11 R 6'1" 208 21 7 1 0 1 -3 5 0 0 0 12 8.3 $1,275,000

The only line to be a negative in Corsi Rating on Friday was Ve r a black hole. steeg’s. This third line is becoming Totals/Averages 6'1" 203.75 24.38 199 355 873 56 9 1981 10.05% $44,119,795

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 39 6'1" 209 36 29 1673 2.37 17 5 5 1 870 66 0.924 0 2 6 $6,750,000 38 Cristobal Huet 6'1" 205 33 33 1884 2.32 17 12 3 3 863 73 0.915 0 0 2 $5,625,000 31 Antii Niemi 6’2” 204 25 34 1924 2.4 17 12 3 3 885 77 0.913 0 0 2 $488,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 34 1 22 2.73 0 0 1 0 6 1 0.833 0 0 0 $12,375,000 *injured TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000 Probable Lines Probable Pairings CAP SPACE: $274,000* *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 2 Keith 7 Seabrook 22 Brouwer 19 Toews 88 Kane 51 Campbell 8 Walker Injury List Brent Sopel- Out (Talent) 43 Wisniewski 25 Barker 16 Ladd 36 Bolland 24 Havlat - Out (Knee) 33 Byfuglien 32 Versteeg 11 Skille Nikolai Khabibulin-Questionable (groin?) 37 Burish 46 Fraser 55 Eager

16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every- thing I can think of to drive the core I am so close to completing the task fan away, strip hockey of all that’s Stern charged me with.... great about it, and eliminate any at- tention by the mainstream media... Hell Damn Ass Kings 26-26-9

One reason the Kings have given the Hawks so much trouble is that they’ve drilled them in the face-off circle. They’ve gone 81 for 121 in the two game, for a paltry winning pct. of 66% # Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary (Cap Hit) 11 C Anze Kopitar "A" 6' 3" 219 21 61 19 31 50 -16 20 7 1 3 179 10.6 $956,000 23 R Dustin Brown "C" 6' 0" 207 24 59 23 25 48 -6 54 7 0 5 241 9.5 $3,175,000 24 R Alexander Frolov 6' 2" 204 26 61 26 20 46 -2 22 11 1 1 135 19.3 $2,900,000 28 C 6' 0" 214 26 61 15 21 36 5 54 7 0 0 127 11.8 $3,600,000 12 L Patrick O'Sullivan 5' 11" 190 24 60 14 22 36 1 16 2 1 1 197 7.1 $2,925,000 27 D Kyle Quincey 6' 2" 207 23 58 3 30 33 0 47 2 0 2 124 2.4 $514,000 26 C Michal Handzus 6' 4" 218 31 61 11 17 28 -8 22 3 1 3 108 10.2 $4,000,000 19 L Kyle Calder 5' 11" 177 30 56 7 14 21 0 33 2 0 1 73 9.6 $2,700,000 8 D Drew Doughty 6' 1" 203 19 60 4 14 18 -8 42 2 0 1 98 4.1 $3,475,000 17 R Wayne Simmonds 6' 2" 181 20 61 5 9 14 -7 48 1 0 1 90 5.6 $822,000 9 C Oscar Moller 5' 11" 180 20 31 6 7 13 -2 14 5 0 0 62 9.7 $786,000 5 D Peter Harrold 5' 11" 188 25 53 3 8 11 -10 20 1 0 0 77 3.9 $583,000 6 D Sean O'Donnell 6' 2" 230 37 61 0 10 10 4 56 0 0 0 22 0 $1,250,000 2 D "A" 6' 4" 234 25 61 1 9 10 -2 95 0 0 0 56 1.8 $1,150,000 54 R Teddy Purcell 6' 3" 202 23 20 1 6 7 -2 2 0 0 0 29 3.4 $63,900 42 D ** 6' 0" 197 30 22 3 4 7 -7 6 2 0 0 40 7.5 $2,750,000 7 C Derek Armstrong 6' 0" 197 35 37 4 1 5 -12 51 1 0 1 28 14.3 $1,500,000 15 C Brad Richardson 5' 11" 184 24 23 0 4 4 -4 11 0 0 0 29 0 $588,000 3 D Jack Johnson 6' 1" 225 22 20 3 1 4 -12 29 2 0 0 27 11.1 $2,150,000 21 D Jr. 6' 2" 220 32 49 1 2 3 -8 60 0 0 0 29 3.4 $1,931,000 41 L Raitis Ivanans 6' 4" 256 30 60 2 0 2 -7 115 0 0 2 20 10 $600,000 13 R John Zeiler 6' 0" 204 26 23 0 0 0 -3 37 0 0 0 2 0 $702,000 Team Totals/Averages 6’ 1” 206.23 26.0 154 258 412 876 55 4 1833 8.40% $39,120,900 Johnson has been woeful at even-strength, but he’s been their best player with the man-advantage, according to Behind The Net.

Here’s a guy we hope Tallon at least calls about before Wednesday. Terrific at draws, before Here’s a guy we hope Tallon at least calls about number. PP, and a reasonable cap on the of the ice, can play a solid in both ends # Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 32 Jonathan Quick 6' 1" 216 23 24 1254 2.49 8 9 4 0 525 52 0.901 0 0 2 $488,000 31 Erik Ersberg 6' 0" 168 26 26 1447 2.49 13 9 1 3 699 60 0.914 0 1 0 $700,000 Team Totals/Averages 6' 2" 186 27 3593 2.75 26 26 9 5 1663 159 0.904 0 1 4 $1,188,000 This has been dropping ever since the Labarbera trade to Vancouver. TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $44,149,000 ** injured Quick has been almost half a goal better than Labarbera. CAP SPACE: $12,551,000* Probable Lines Probable Pairings *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 8 Doughty 3 Johnson Injury List 23 Brown 11 Kopitar 24 Frolov 27 Quincey 21 Gauthier Tom Preissing-Out (Head) Raitis Ivanans-Questionable (Upper 12 O’Sullivan 26 Handzus 17 Simmonds 2 Greene 6 O’Donnell Body) 19 Calder 28 Stoll 54 Purcell 5 Harrold 41 Ivanans 7 Armstrong

...IS THIS THE YEAR? Letters to The Editor *big ups to Adam for helping out with this.

Dude, Dear Editor, Dear Sam,

Your program rocks. You’re Really really really like your pro- Uh, will you buy us beers? officially one of Hell’s most psy- gram “The Omitted Finland”. I love chotic devils. May the maggots in how you come up with whacky nick- Sincerely, your eyes eat your brain and shit names like Captian Hilarious, Harp Josh Harris, 16-year old Hawks fan. them out your ears. I hope you Looter, and 23 Skiddoo. And boy burn and cough and choke and tear does the word Asshat take me back. for the rest of humanity. Reminds me of Karpotsev. Anyway, Rock on. Stan, just thought I’d drop you a line Dear Josh, Sincerely, and say keep up the good work. James Wisniewski Fuck and yes. Sincerely, Sincerely, Blackhawk announcer Sam

To Sam. Dear Mr. Fels, Dear Mr. Fels,

Your book is good. I’ve recently been made aware of I was recently showed your “Ask your magazine and all the harsh criti- The Ice Crew” section, and I think Jonathan Toews. cism you’ve thrown my way. While it’s important to inform you that I am I may not agree with everything not Russian, but Argentinian. You’re you say, I am intrigued by some of not even close. I mean, you missed your thoughts. I would like to buy a by an entire fucking ocean! And subscription to your newsletter at no hemisphere! You couldn’t be more less than 4 million dollars and have off if you drove your car off a cliff it count against next years cap. I’m while putting a dildo in your ear and gonna run off Duncan Keith if it’s singing Ratt songs. the last thing I do. And it probably will be. Sincerely, Yanina of The Ice Crew Sincerely,

Dear Editors of The Committed Dear Sam, Dear Sam, Indian, Your program is the best. I had to I spent over $200k on your educa- Stop It Right Here the first time I tion, and all I got was a moron Thanks to you, my 9-year old son read it! Now I look like I was standing in the cold and a dumbass has been running around calling out of a cannon when I run to buy it! photoshop of John McDonough everyone and everything “fuck- I tell ya, you guys really have stick- bragging about his “hot white mouth wad.” How dare you sell your on-stick, stick-on-puck! Get me the sanitizer”. filthy little rag to a child? Have next one EEEEEMEDIATELY! you no decency, sirs? My son Mr. Obama, where’s my bailout? claims his father gave it to him, Yours, but surely no one as mature and Sincerely, upstanding as my husband would Your mother do such a thing.

Sincerely, Janice Thompson Highland Park, IL The Fight Card HAWKS vs. KINGS Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 11-29-08 Fraser vs. 1st. A spirited if not eventful bout. Fraser Simmonds 18:05 lands some nice shots early, Simmonds √ some late, and Dan Bernstein uses this as evidence that hockey players and fans are racist. 11-29-08 Walker vs. 1st. A day after taking on Parros, Walker Ivanans 1:58 encounters SoCal’s other slob, and lands √ √ some solid rights. Walks in a decision. 2-23-08 Seabrook v. 2nd. Brown charges from San Diego to hit Brown 3:57 Toews, and Seabrook responds with √ some nice rights before a quick take- down. 1-1-08 Koci v. 2nd. Two people who don’t matter wail on Ivanans 4:04 √ √ each other for a bit. What To Watch For: More than recent Hawks games. The Kings are an unpleasant bunch to play against, they finish their checks and never stop being in your face. They have a few players who have sampled knuckles on more than one occasion. Greene, Armstrong, Simmonds all could go, and we haven’t gotten to resident mongaloid Ivanans. Could get one today.. Power Play Kill Team Opp PPG PP% Team OPP PPG PP% Team TS PPGA PK% Team TS PPGA PK% DET 275 76 27.6 OTT 251 47 18.7 MIN 219 27 87.7 CBJ 256 48 81.2 WSH 265 65 24.5 MTL 286 53 18.5 NYR 252 32 87.3 CHI 255 49 80.8 SJS 274 67 24.4 CGY 270 49 18.2 CGY 267 36 86.5 TBL 306 61 80.1 BOS 245 56 22.9 EDM 278 47 16.9 NSH 274 44 83.9 WSH 309 62 79.9 PHI 234 52 22.2 NYI 250 42 16.8 BUF 252 41 83.7 PIT 258 52 79.8 ANA 242 53 21.9 TBL 265 44 16.6 SJS 238 40 83.2 ANA 312 63 79.8 CHI 264 56 21.2 COL 255 42 16.5 BOS 231 39 83.1 DAL 233 48 79.4 BUF 279 58 20.8 DAL 263 43 16.4 STL 271 46 83 CAR 236 49 79.2 STL 260 54 20.8 PIT 271 44 16.2 PHI 303 52 82.8 COL 240 50 79.2 MIN 248 50 20.2 CAR 292 46 15.8 MTL 284 49 82.8 VAN 277 58 79.1 ATL 255 51 20 FLA 237 35 14.8 FLA 248 43 82.7 PHX 227 49 78.4 LAK 276 55 19.9 PHX 259 36 13.9 NYI 268 47 82.5 EDM 262 58 77.9 NJD 226 45 19.9 NYR 260 36 13.8 NJD 245 44 82 DET 258 58 77.5 TOR 259 51 19.7 NSH 249 34 13.6 LAK 266 48 82 TOR 239 60 74.9 VAN 266 50 18.8 CBJ 263 33 12.6 OTT 260 48 81.5 ATL 271 69 74.5 Spotlight

Dustin Brown

We wouldn’t be shocked if Dustin Brown also slobbers during games. Those of us in real hockey markets always end up furious that a player like Brown plays in a non-hockey market, where he clearly isn’t appreciated. Surely if Brown played here, he would be everyone’s favorite Hawk. Brown does everything so high-octane, L.A. coke dealers are tired of the calls from customers telling them they want whatever Brown’s on. He is always the most noticeable player on the ice. He’s either taking a shot, barreling to the net, or barreling over someone. He’s a fucking pinball. Brown has never seen a hit or a shot he didn’t think was worth taking. He leads the Kings in shots by over 40, and in hits by over 70. Brown has gotten better every year, and he very well may be playing on the other wing opposite Patrick Kane on Team USA’s second line at next year’s Olympics. Here’s yet another player that Bettman and his marketing cronies would be wise to get out there, instead of ped- dling the cold steak that is . Brown is young, fast, skilled, would run over his girlfriend to get to the net, and a leader. He was named Kings’ Captain at the beginning of the year, and will be the centerpiece -- along with Kopitar -- of their franchise for a long time. He’s the total package, as he can play any style of game, and the type of player the NHL should ac- centuate, but sadly, hasn’t. The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL 847-952-8000 [email protected] KNOW THY ENEMY

This afternoon, Matt from from Life In Hockeywood (www.lifeinhock- ing camp, and challenge Quick for that starter’s spot. This which will make the eywood.com) joins us to fill us in on the Southland Hockey Club. team that much better. Believe me, as a Kings fan, we’ve been waiting a long time to have this kind of problem. There’s nothing wrong with having too many Q: You guys are making a pretty decent run at the , when you were , right? picked to be bringing up the rear. How has this happened? Jack Johnson has had his struggles this season, along with injuries. What’s A: After last season, the Kings could really go nowhere but up. The Kings have the forecast for his career? been stockpiling talent in the minors, and continue to do so. It’s Dean Lom- The hype is he’s going to be the next Ray Bourque. The reality is, and I’m just bardi’s belief that you must rebuild a franchise from the inside out, and he’s doing spitballing here, is that JMFJ will not sign a long-term deal with the Kings. He this. That kind of tinkering takes time. Some fan estimates give Dean a 5-year played at , he bleeds red and white and his heart is in . I’m sure window that the Kings will seriously contend for the Cup. Depending on who he’d love to play for them some day. So, while he’ll be a gamer in L.A. and give you talk to, this is either Year Two or Three. Seeing that he came in 2006 and it’s his all, his stint in L.A. may already be predetermined. Personally, I’m hoping he 2009... you do the math. and Doughty hit it off and become the wickedest blueline ever. But I think he’ll The fact of the matter is: they are ahead of the curve. These players give Detroit a hometown discount and sign there. I really do. are hungry now, and want to win now. You get enough young, hungry talent We have loved Dustin Brown for years, though good lord has he been a pain together and sooner or later, you’re gonna get a team that wants to compete, odds in our ass at times. Only now is he just getting the pub he deserves. You guys be damned. That is what the Kings are this season. It’s quite refreshing to see. watch him every night, is he that ace? Getting Drew Doughty has made a huge difference. Potential can only get you so Dustin Brown is the real deal. But, he was given a lot of responsibility this far in the NHL. If you have what it takes, you’ll produce on the ice. It happened season, handed the reins as the youngest captain in franchise history. He’s now with Kopitar a few seasons back out of camp, and it’s happened again. You listen going to need to bring the same intensity in the locker room as he does on the ice. to some fans, and they’ll say Doughty is the second coming of Christ. But realis- That could prove to be exhausting. Dustin, as is the case with many players, is far tically, he has got the skills to become an All-Star defenseman for years to come. different off the ice than on. He’s quite reserved in person, very polite. But you And I firmly believe he should win the Calder Trophy this season. I believe in it get him on the ice, and he hits everything in the different jersey. It’s going to take so much that I wrote a blog about it... (blatant blog pimping!!!) http://lifeinhock- a season or two for him to really grab this team and make it his own. eywood.com/2009/01/04/calder2.aspx But he might not even get that. Kopitar has shown signs of becom- Getting Quincey has been a godsend as well. Thanks Detroit. ing a solid captain as well, in this his first season as an alternate. He often is the Obviously, Marc Crawford didn’t have Quincey and Doughty to play with, last to leave the ice and really fills that cheerleader role a great captain can do. If but what has Terry Murray done differently this season? Kopitar winds up taking the C from Brown, the last thing you’ll see is Dustin get Coach Murray really has focused of the defensive aspect of the Kings. This team pissed. In a way, he can now focus on what he does best: play vicious hockey on is built around young talent, many of which haven’t been taught in intricancies the ice. And I think that might suit him more. of playing defense at the NHL level. They have always been able to score, last The editor of this worthless rag spent last season in Los Angeles, and was season they were ranked middle of the league in goals. This season, their scoring surprised as how knowledgeable and passionate Kings fans are, while being is down, but their two-way game has picked up. equally sickened by the idiocy found in Anaheim. What’s it like living in the Case in point: Anze Kopitar. The Slovenian player’s points have same town (sort of) with those tools? dropped considerably, but he’s chipping in other ways that you don’t see on the When those dreaded Ducks hoisted the Cup, the pain was excruiating. All those stat sheet, which, unfortunately too many fans worry about. He’s become pretty years of making fun of them was known shot back by those hardcore fans. Good good defensively, and as soon as his on-ice conditioning improves, he’ll return thing there wasn’t too many of them. Anaheim has a huge bandwagon fanbase, to form. It’s a hard thing to teach these young players better habits. It’s slow, but so it still was fun making fun of these fans in their crispy-ironed jerseys. Plus, the they are responding. new jerseys look like a giant Spork! They just can’t look cool either way. We saw enough of Jonathan Quick the last time we played. Is he the longtime I wrote a blog about those kind of Ducks fans (more blatant blog pimping!!!) answer in goal? Is Ersberg? Or is there another possibility? http://lifeinhockeywood.com/2007/06/06/how-to-deal-with-those-kind-of-ducks- God, this is a toughie. How many teams can you say would be better with a bet- fans.aspx. It sums up just how stupid these fans really are. There are some real ter ? The Kings have had crap, honestly, the last few years. Then this knowledgable Ducks fans, but they are few and far between . It does kill me to year, the herd was still being culled when Johnny Quick was brought up. And see that banner up there in their rafters. It should kill every hockey he’s played remarkable. As far as I’m concerned, the job is Quick’s until some- fan. But they got one before the Kings, and that’s what matters. one else makes a case. I like Iceberg as well, but Quick is that much better. Next season, we should see a more determined Jonathan Bernier out of train-

Hawks-Kings: the Last 4

Jan. 29th, 2009: Hawks 2, Kings 5 Nov. 29th, 2008: Hawks 2, Kings 5 This will be a continuing theme: Hawks don’t See Jan. 29th. bother with an effort against a team they feel is be- neath them, and it’s too late when they get it going. We hear Randy Newman too many times.

Feb. 23rd, 2008: Hawks 6, Kings 5 (OT) Jan. 1st, 2008: Hawks 2, Kings 9 Same pattern in reverse. Hawks jump out to 5-1 Toews gets hurt, Hawks’ season never recovers. lead after two, go into pathetic shell and cough it Didn’t exactly help the hangover from New Year’s up in last minute. Sharp saves some blushes by Eve, did it? winning it in OT, but this was still a stupid occa- sion. Hockey Sabermetrics CHICAGO Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Aaron Johnson -0.04 -0.07 11.78 4 1.27 2.73 2.17 1.78 0.4 2.33 0.11 0.1 12.77 3.58 1.99 1.59 2.46 2 0.47 1.13 Adam Burish -0.08 0.13 7.13 2.94 1.17 1.76 2.78 2.08 0.7 1.06 Ben Eager -0.11 0.01 8.07 2.7 1.22 1.49 2.86 2.07 0.79 0.7 Matt Walker -0.03 -0.07 13.74 2.97 1.67 1.3 2.56 1.92 0.64 0.66 Duncan Keith 0.09 -0.01 18.42 3.14 1.89 1.24 2.79 2.18 0.61 0.64 Dave Bolland 0.12 0.2 12.49 3.42 2.2 1.22 2.54 1.92 0.62 0.6 Martin Havlat 0.07 0.1 13.47 3.4 2.26 1.13 2.52 1.88 0.64 0.49 Colin Fraser -0.11 0.05 7.73 2.63 1.45 1.18 2.81 2.11 0.7 0.48 Troy Brouwer 0.01 -0.19 11.47 2.51 1.36 1.15 2.84 2.07 0.77 0.38 James Wisniewski -0.01 0 14.45 2.52 1.48 1.04 2.84 2.08 0.76 0.28 0.04 -0.22 12.33 2.78 2.17 0.61 2.83 2.02 0.81 -0.2 Jonathan Toews 0.03 -0.17 13.14 2.94 2.32 0.62 2.71 1.86 0.85 -0.23 Brent Seabrook 0.1 0.2 16.65 2.44 1.89 0.55 2.97 2.05 0.92 -0.37 Patrick Kane 0.04 -0.14 13.96 2.64 2.34 0.3 2.67 1.9 0.77 -0.47 -0.02 -0.03 17.55 2.84 2.38 0.46 2.74 1.75 0.99 -0.52 Patrick Sharp -0.02 -0.03 13.25 2.52 2.26 0.25 2.9 1.83 1.07 -0.82 Dustin Byfuglien -0.01 0 11.99 1.95 1.76 0.19 3.19 2.15 1.04 -0.86 Cam Barker -0.04 -0.04 13.38 2.44 2.63 -0.2 2.86 1.61 1.25 -1.45 Craig Adams -0.14 0.13 8.05 1.28 1.7 -0.43 3.15 1.98 1.17 -1.6 Jack Skille -0.03 0.21 8.9 0.96 3.85 -2.89 2.89 3.37 -0.48 -2.41 Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Face-offs Shots attempted for a team vs. how many are Player Face-Offs Taken FO% attempted against while a given player is on vs. Taken the ice, per 60 min. Jonathan Toews 937 53.4 NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Colin Fraser 621 47.0 James Wisniewski 22.8 Jack Skille 4.8 0 Patrick Sharp 556 46.0 Jonathan Toews 15.1 Kris Versteeg 1.6 0.7 Kris Versteeg 197 44.2 Martin Havlat 14.6 Adam Burish 1.4 1 Dave Bolland 873 43.8 Troy Brouwer 13.1 Ben Eager 1.4 2.6 Total Rank: 28th 46.9 Adam Burish 12.5 Colin Fraser 1.4 0.5 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Brian Campbell 12.4 Patrick Kane 1.4 1.1 This is a measure of a team’s This measures how many goals a Andrew Ladd 12 Patrick Sharp 1.4 0.9 goals-for per 60 minutes of player team gives up per 60 minutes the being on the ice on the power play. player is on the ice on the PK. Patrick Sharp 11.9 Dave Bolland 1.3 0.6 Player GFON/60 Player GA/60 Patrick Kane 11.5 Craig Adams 1.3 0.9 Cam Barker 10.23 Andrew Ladd 4.22 Brent Seabrook 11.2 Andrew Ladd 1.2 0.6 Patrick Sharp 8.61 Adam Burish 4.5 Duncan Keith 11.1 Troy Brouwer 1.2 0.9 James Wisniewski 7.83 Brent Seabrook 5.22 Kris Versteeg 10.9 Martin Havlat 1.1 0.6 Patrick Kane 7.49 Aaron Johnson 5.42 Cam Barker 10.2 Dustin Byfuglien 1 1.4 Jonathan Toews 7.2 Duncan Keith 5.57 Dustin Byfuglien 10 Jonathan Toews 0.9 0.7 Dustin Byfuglien 7.1 Brent Sopel 6.43 Dave Bolland 9.4 James Wisniewski 0.7 0.7 Troy Brouwer 6.45 Colin Fraser 6.66 Aaron Johnson 8.9 Brian Campbell 0.5 0.4 Brian Campbell 6.45 Matt Walker 6.95 Ben Eager 8.2 Aaron Johnson 0.4 2 Duncan Keith 6.37 James Wisniewski 7.26 Matt Walker 6.8 Matt Walker 0.4 0.6 Martin Havlat 6.24 Kris Versteeg 7.66 Colin Fraser 4.6 Duncan Keith 0.2 0.8 Kris Versteeg 6.11 Dave Bolland 7.67 Craig Adams -0.2 Brent Seabrook 0.2 0.9 Brent Seabrook 6.01 Cam Barker 9.65 Hockey Sabermetrics LOS ANGELES Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calcu- lated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Jarret Stoll -0.03 0.13 11.09 2.39 1.77 0.62 1.81 2.55 -0.74 1.36 Sean O'Donnell 0.04 -0.07 15.84 2.17 1.8 0.37 1.83 2.66 -0.83 1.2 Patrick O'Sullivan -0.03 -0.11 13.43 2.68 2.46 0.22 1.68 2.3 -0.61 0.84 Kyle Calder -0.05 0.16 11.8 2 1.82 0.18 1.88 2.4 -0.53 0.71 Kyle Quincey -0.04 -0.01 15.28 2.3 2.23 0.07 1.81 2.38 -0.57 0.64 Matt Greene 0.01 0 16.38 1.92 2.1 -0.18 1.97 2.5 -0.53 0.35 Dustin Brown -0.02 0.17 13.51 2.94 3.16 -0.23 1.62 2.08 -0.46 0.24 Oscar Moller -0.04 0.11 9.99 1.74 1.74 0 2.22 2.33 -0.11 0.11 Alex Frolov 0.03 0.05 13.41 2.2 2.64 -0.44 1.85 2.23 -0.38 -0.06 Edward Purcell -0.07 0.1 9.59 1.56 2.19 -0.63 1.35 1.85 -0.5 -0.12 Wayne Simmonds 0.04 -0.03 12.05 1.14 1.63 -0.49 2.26 2.62 -0.37 -0.12 Michal Handzus 0.04 0 11.76 1.76 2.34 -0.59 2.03 2.36 -0.33 -0.25 Drew Doughty 0.02 0.16 16.28 2.15 2.7 -0.55 1.89 2.1 -0.21 -0.34 Peter Harrold -0.08 -0.3 10.25 1.1 1.88 -0.77 2.06 2.43 -0.37 -0.41 Anze Kopitar 0.01 0.2 14.27 2.55 3.24 -0.69 1.67 1.93 -0.26 -0.43 Denis Gauthier -0.13 -0.27 11.3 1.73 2.6 -0.87 2.02 2.32 -0.3 -0.57 Raitis Ivanans -0.09 -0.46 6.24 0.48 1.6 -1.12 2.23 2.44 -0.21 -0.91 Tom Preissing -0.11 -0.26 11.52 2.13 3.55 -1.42 1.84 1.76 0.08 -1.5 Jack Johnson 0.02 -0.01 16.37 1.28 3.3 -2.02 1.93 1.93 0 -2.02 Derek Armstrong -0.08 -0.33 7.67 0.85 3.38 -2.54 2.36 2.63 -0.27 -2.27

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Face-offs This measures how many shots are attempted Player Face-Offs Taken FO% for a team vs. how many are attempted against vs. Taken while a given player is on the ice, per 60 min. Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties drawn Jarret Stoll 861 57.1 vs. taken, per 60 min. NAME CORSI Michal Handzus 975 53.6 NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Anze Kopitar 13.1 Derek Armstrong 150 52.7 Dustin Brown 3.5 0.8 Kyle Quincey 11.3 Anze Kopitar 1016 50.9 Patrick O'Sullivan 1.9 0.4 Patrick O'Sullivan 10.9 Total: Rank: 4th 52.5 Oscar Moller 1.4 0.8 Tom Preissing 10.4 Anze Kopitar 1.3 0.3 Kyle Calder 9.7 Raitis Ivanans 1.3 3.5 Edward Purcell 8.8 Derek Armstrong 1.3 2.1 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Dustin Brown 7.6 This is a measure of a team’s goals This measures how many goals Kyle Calder 1.2 1 for per 60 minutes of player being a team gives up per 60 minutes Oscar Moller 7.6 Edward Purcell 0.9 0.3 on the ice on the power play. the player is on the ice on the Peter Harrold 7.3 Michal Handzus 0.9 0.6 Player GFON/60 Player GAON/60 Jarret Stoll 5.8 Jarret Stoll 0.8 1.9 Jack Johnson 10.28 Jarret Stoll 2.6 Alex Frolov 4.8 Alex Frolov 0.7 0.7 Michal Handzus 9.65 Jack Johnson 4.17 Drew Doughty 3.1 Wayne Simmonds 0.6 0.9 Kyle Quincey 9.5 P. O'Sullivan 4.5 Derek Armstrong 2.7 Peter Harrold 0.6 0.8 Alex Frolov 9.42 Matt Greene 5.13 Sean O'Donnell 2.5 Denis Gauthier 0.6 1.3 Jarret Stoll 9.09 Dustin Brown 5.21 Matt Greene 2.5 Drew Doughty 0.5 1 Peter Harrold 7.99 Tom Preissing 5.33 Denis Gauthier 1.7 Matt Greene 0.4 1.6 Dustin Brown 5.87 Drew Doughty 5.53 Wayne Simmonds 1.5 Jack Johnson 0.4 1.5 Patrick O'Sullivan 4.84 Sean O'Donnell 5.86 Michal Handzus -4.3 Kyle Quincey 0.2 1.1 Drew Doughty 4.71 Denis Gauthier 6.17 Raitis Ivanans -7.4 Sean O'Donnell 0.1 0.5 Anze Kopitar 4.51 Kyle Quincey 6.68 Jack Johnson -8.8 Tom Preissing 4.48 Michal Handzus 7 Referee Stats For The Hawks

Referees 1st NHL Hawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/ W L OTL Game PK’s Game 2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 3 14 17 10.3 4.7 5.7 3 0 0 3 Leggo, Mike 1997 3 10 15 8.3 3.3 5.0 2 0 1 4 McCauley, Wes 2003 5 11 14 5.0 2.2 2.8 2 2 0 5 Rooney, Chris 2000 1 4 1 5.0 4.0 1.0 1 0 0 6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 3 14 11 8.3 4.7 3.7 1 2 0 7 McCreary, Bill 1984 4 17 15 8.0 4.3 3.8 2 3 0 8 Jackson, Dave 1990 5 23 20 8.6 4.6 4.0 3 1 1 10 Devorski, Paul 1989 2 9 13 11.0 4.5 6.5 1 1 0 11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 1 5 8 13.0 5.0 8.0 0 1 0 12 Koharski, Don 1981 4 19 20 9.8 4.8 5.0 3 0 1 13 O’Halloran, Dan 1995 4 22 17 9.8 5.5 4.3 2 1 1 14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 5 22 22 8.8 4.4 4.4 3 0 1 15 Auger, Stephane 2000 4 17 13 7.5 4.3 3.3 3 0 1 16 Shick, Rob 1986 1 2 2 4.0 2.0 2.0 0 0 1 18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 5 26 25 10.2 5.2 5.0 3 2 0 20 Peel, Tim 1999 2 13 13 13.0 6.5 6.5 1 1 0 21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 3 10 5 5.0 3.3 1.7 2 0 1 23 Watson, Brad 1996 2 7 4 5.5 3.5 2.0 1 0 1 25 Joannette, Marc 1999 2 13 5 9.0 6.5 2.5 1 0 1 26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 3 1 4.0 3.0 1.0 1 0 0 27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 6 27 26 8.8 4.5 4.3 2 3 1 28 Lee, Chris 2001 1 5 4 9.0 5.0 4.0 1 0 0 29 Walsh, Ian 2000 1 1 3 4.0 1.0 3.0 0 1 0 30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 3 22 13 11.7 7.3 4.3 0 1 2 32 Kowal, Tom 2000 4 13 10 5.8 3.3 2.5 4 0 0 33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 3 10 12 7.3 3.3 4.0 1 1 1 34 Meier, Brad 1999 4 14 20 8.5 3.5 5.0 3 1 0 35 Warren, Dean 1999 ------36 Morton, Dean 2000 2 16 10 13.0 8.0 5.0 0 1 1 38 St Laurent, Francois 2006 2 14 15 14.5 7.0 7.5 1 0 1 39 Dwyer, Gord 2003 3 16 15 10.3 5.3 5.0 2 0 1 40 Kozari, Steve 2006 4 26 20 11.5 6.5 5.0 2 2 0 42 O’Rourke, Dan 1999 2 11 13 12.0 5.5 6.5 1 0 1 43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 1 4 7 11.0 4.0 7.0 1 0 0 45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 6 29 26 9.2 4.8 4.3 3 1 2

NHL LEADERS Goals Points GAA SV%

Player Team G Player Team P Player Team GAA Player Team SV% 1 A. Ovechkin WAS 45 1 PIT 89 1 CBJ 2.06 1 Tim Thomas BOS .933 2 Zach Parise NJ 38 2 A. Ovechkin WAS 81 2 CBJ 2.14 2 T. Vokoun FLA .927 3 PHI 36 3 S. Crosby PIT 79 3 Pekka Rinne NSH 2.15 3 Pekka Rinne NSH .926 4 I. Kovalchuk ATL 34 4 Zach Parise NJ 76 4 N. Backstrom MIN 2.24 4 N. Backstrom MIN .925 5 P. Marleau SJ 34 5 DET 75 5 M. Fernandez BOS 2.24 5 N. Khabibulin CHI .924 21 J. Toews CHI 25 33 Patrick Kane CHI 55 8 N. Khabibulin CHI 2.31 The Other Brother Defending Your GM I’m coming up on my tenth year living in New York. While role as well. Almost every trade has worked out well-Sharp, Havlat, I love the city and think it’s one of the greatest cities in the world, in the aformentioned Versteeg, the fifth grader we’re eventually going no way do I consider myself a New Yorker. I am, and shall always to get for Byfuglien- right? be, at least in this cluttered and sticky mind, a Chicagoan living in New York. Thus I get a lot of Grief when things go wrong for us in Tallon’s not perfect. The goalie situation is silly (although the Second City. productive). Brian Campbell, while being a very good addition to the team, was given way too much money. Our governor comes to mind. But the governor of New York is only governor because the last governor had a hooker problem, so This is where Blackhawk fans jump in with both feet. that quickly goes away. There was the whole Eli vs Rex thing but Eli They’re so terrified of losing some player due to salary cap restric- won his Super Bowl and I just let that one go down as a loss. Then tions in two years that they can’t enjoy what’s in front of their face there’s the Cubs...... right now. When you talk to Blackhawk fans -- or blog with them as the case may be -- you get the impression they’d rather watch the Finally, my New York friends get around to the Blackhawks, and Blackhawks lose and be right about Dale Tallon then to have the for the life of them they don’t understand how so many people can Blackhawks win and admit they were wrong. hate the GM of a team any city would love to have. Young passion- ate, talented players who work hard, play right, and Crazy. are all under 25 (O.K., not all, but you get the point.) This is probably the most ideal team to have in the Hopefully a good run of April and May Blackhawk NHL and yet everyone wants the head of general games changes the tide. Or maybe Bill Guerin on manager Dale Tallon. Mar. 4th. Whatever it is, I hope some people take a look at what Tallon and his staff are doing with this It was understandable to hate the decision Blackhawk team. to take Tallon out of the booth and put him in the front office. Yet another Wirtz-Pulford Stooge was As for me, well, my Rangers fan friends have the general unfair thought at the time. When Tallon Scott Gomez and his 10 goals and $7-mil per year took over for the awful, awful, and let me just say contract for another 5 years. Underachieving Chris again, awful Mike Smith. things were bleak. It was Drury and his $7 million for another 3 years, and even more understandable after Tallon’s Wade Redden and his -20, $6 million+ contract signings stunk up the UC. for another 5. Those conversations don’t last long Adam Fels either. But Tallon learned from his mistakes. He even has admitted as much. He has dedicated Adam Fels lives in New York, after raising himself toward building this team through the . And man, has the draft and his little brother in the standing room of the Old Stadium. The produced. A lot of people tack up Tallon’s success to “...lucking out latter went on to start this complete waste of time. If you’d like to on Kane and Toews.” These people are wrong, plain and simple. tell Adam thank you for turning the editor of this into an official Dave Bolland, Duncan Kieth, Brent Seabrook, and Kris Versteeg drain on society, albeit a hilarious drain on society, you can reach (though he was a trade) have all had their time in the “invaluable” him at [email protected]

If you’d like to contribute to our silly little rag, please send sub- missions to [email protected]. All guest contributors will have a chance to win a free jersey from Triple Threat Sports! The Committed Indian We’re freezing our ass off so you can laugh yours off The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997 Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001) Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998) Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001) Antti Niemi (Undrafted FA) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995) PHI for (FA PHI 2000) Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations. Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and (BOS 1st round 1990) for Tom Preissing (FA SJ 2003), (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003) Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for Brandon Bochenski (OTT 7th round 2001) 2005-2006 Jack Skille (1st round) Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th 1992) round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) Jim Vandermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) James Wisniewski (5th round) Adam Burish (9th round)

GM HISTORY COACHES Dale Tallon (2005-Present) Head Coach- (Too Fucking Long, Too Many Fuck- Assistant Coach-John Torchetti ing Times) Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland Mike Smith (2001-2004) Assistant Coach- Marc Bergevin Bob Murray (1999-2000) Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite The Making of The Los Angeles Kings

info in part provided by hockeyreference.com YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Drew Doughty (1st round) Brad Richardson (COL 5th round Kyle Quincey (DET 4th round 2003) 2003) from COL for 2008 2nd round off waivers from DET pick Jarrett Stoll (EDM 2nd round 2002) and Matt Greene (EDM 2nd round 2002) from EDM for Lubomir Vis- novsky (LA 4th round 2000) Denis Gauthier (CAL 1st round 1995) and 2010 2nd round choice from PHI for (LA 5th round 2005) and Ned Lukacevic (LA 4th round 2004) Sean O’Donnell (BUF 6th round 1991) from ANA for conditional 2009 pick 2007-2008 Oscar Moller (2nd round) Kyle Calder (CHI 5th round 1997) Wayne Simmonds (2nd round) Michal Handzus (STL 4th round 1995) Tom Preissing (SJ Undrafted FA 2003) Erik Ersberg (Undrafted FA) 2006-2007 Patrick O’Sullivan (MIN 2nd round Raitis Ivanans (Undrafted FA) 2003) and 2006 1st round pick from Teddy Purcell (Undrafted FA) MIN for Pavol Demitra (OTT 9th round John Zeiler (PHX 5th round 2002) 1993) Jack Johnson (CAR 1st round 2005) and Oleg Tverdovsky (ANA 1st round 1994) from CAR for Eric Belanger (LA 4th round 1996) and Tim Gleason (OTT 1st round 2001) 2005-2006 Anze Kopitar (1st round) Peter Harrold (Undrafted FA) Jonathan Quick (3rd round) 2003-2004 Dustin Brown (1st round) 2002-2003 Derek Armstrong (NYI 6th round 1992) from NYR for 2003 6th round pick 2000-2001 Alexander Frolov (1st round)

COACHES GM HISTORY Head Coach-Terry Murray 2007-Present: Dean Lombardi Assistant Coach- Mark Hardy 1998-2007: Dave Taylor Assistant Coach- Jamie Kompon Goaltending Coach- Bill Ranford The Hawks Record When...

Playing at home...... 15-5-6 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 2-2-1 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 13-10-4 Playing on road...... 19-12-3 Taking 30 or more shots...... 25-12-7 Are even close on face-offs..... 21-7-5 Scoring first...... 23-5-3 Taking less than 30 shots..... 9-5-2 Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 29-15-9 Opponent scores first...... 11-12-6 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 16-6-5 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 4-1-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 18-11-4 during 4-on-4...... 29-15-9 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 11-3-5 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 15-4-6 Pat Foley screws up a name...... 32-14-9 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 4-4-3 Ice Crew wear skirts...... 6-1-3 ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian ...... 0-1-0 2nd of a back-to-back..... 7-4-0 Ice Crew wear pants...... 3-1-0 Playing on a Monday...... 2-2-1 Opponent played night before.... 8-3-1 Ice Crew wear shorts.... 6-3-3 Playing on a Tuesday...... 5-2-0 Taking more than 5 penalties..... 16-13-4 Member of Ice Crew hilariously falls on her shapely ass.... 0-1-0 Playing on a Wednesday...... 7-1-2 Taking 5 or less penalties.... 18-4-5 Leading after 2 periods...... 28-2-3 Playing on a Thursday...... 2-3-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 8-4-4 Losing after 2 periods...... 2-10-3 Playing on a Friday...... 4-3-3 Burish takes a penalty...... 7-5-2 Tied after 2 periods...... 4-5-3 Playing on a Saturday...... 7-4-3 Keith takes a penalty...... 10-3-2 In ...... 3-4 Playing on a Sunday...... 7-2-0 Sharp takes a penalty...... 10-2-2 In shootout...... 2-5 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Toews takes a penalty..... 8-4-2 Cam Barker plays...... 27-13-6 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 33-15-8 Havlat takes a penalty.... 5-3-1 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 5-2-3 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 10-13-4 Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1 Lacking a #2 center...... 34-17-9 Outshoot opponent...... 23-10-4 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-5 In 1-goal games..... 7-6-9 Are outshot by opponent.... 11-7-5 51 Phantom blows a coverage...... 23-14-8 In 2-goal games...... 11-5-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 16-6-6 Toews is trying too hard...... 3-7-2 In 3-goal games...... 7-4-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 11-4-2 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 3-2-4 In 4+ goal games...... 8-2-0 Jonathan Toews scores...... 11-1-5 No fights in 300 Level..... 12-3-2 Scoring 3+ goals..... 32-4-4 Martin Havlat scores...... 12-4-1 Playing Eastern Conference..... 7-2-3 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 2-12-4 Patrick Sharp scores...... 15-3-2 Playing Western Conference..... 27-15-6 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 6-1-1 Playing Central Division...... 4-6-5 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 15-5-6 Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit...... 27-13-7 Playing Northwest Division.... 12-5-0 PA plays Classic Cock-Rock...... 9-4-6 Andrew Ladd scores...... 9-0-1 Playing Pacific Division 11-4-1 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Dave Bolland scores...... 10-1-2 Playing Atlantic Division 1-1-2 Fraser fights...... 7-2-1 Adam Burish scores...... 3-2-0, and totally ruins that joke Playing NASCAR Division 3-1-0 Burish fights...... 5-2-0 51 Phantom scores...... 3-2-1 Playing Northeast Division 3-0-1 Seabrook fights..... 0-0-0 Duncan Keith scores...... 4-3-0 Playing in October.... 4-3-3 Barker fights...... 0-0-2 Brent Seabrook scores...... 4-0-1 Playing in November.... 6-3-3 Buff fights...... 1-0-2 VerStud scores.... 10-4-1 Playing in December...... 10-1-1 Sharp fights...... 1-0-0 Troy Brouwer scores.... 7-0-0 Playing in January..... 7-6-1 Eager fights...... 9-1-1 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 25-5-8 Playing in February..... 7-4-1 On Comcast...... 26-9-6 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 9-11-1 Playing in March...... 0-0-0 On WGN...... 8-5-3 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 13-14-9 Playing in April...... 0-0-0 On Vs...... 0-2-0 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 21-3-0 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 15-3-6 On NBC.... 0-1-0 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 6-2-0 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 3-9-3 Judd Sirott hates Adam Creighton 34-17-9

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