NODRAP RIJO PARDON OirR TXECCA Pie Fd Wiggle ACCENT

VoL XV—No. 17 WIGGLE HIGH SCHOOL, PIE E Y E D , N. Y . , FHEEDAY, M A R C H 31,1939 Price: 5 WigqlM Big Flop Predicted In Cafe-Teria

We couldn'I pii i n the Space.— so we present Dr. OOgleuiitch. We don't like him, do you? Exhibition Rhumbas And Adagios Given By P r o m i n e n t Faculty: Chamberlaine. Rolasolomyso. Maestro Bon Vodigrovski Plots Sulphur And Bromide Cookies With Hydrochloric Acid lordanaky Will Conduct Jam Session At Rivethead's Served To Suffering April Fools Who Attend Special New Subjects Sour Note Festival The Bark Talkers and the Kiddies Sorority will have their Starting this week this insli- Because of the many requests annual Rine-Around the Mulberry-Bush same the nicht after to- e will add three new courses for the spice (and there was night. The Discord Stooges Jatnble are playing their dimes for t h e its regular curriculum. The plenty of it) accosiated with boring affair. The agEreeatlon. composed of eight drums, a tuba, new course is called the the recent band trip to Boston, and a Jew's harp for the melod)'. is a mighty experienced corpse of being a good housewife, the following rather late gossip of players, havins performed in various opium dens throughout rerted by Miss Kathlumbrella has been wrilten. • the country; it is felt that they amberlaine. In her course The first couple which struck will be quite at home. ::ss Chamberlaine will demon- the reporters roving eye was tht- SLUMMING DETRACTIONS Amusement tor those not i n - irate the arts o* dishwashing, smooth and sober Don Ricardn terested in jumping around the really is an art. sweeping. Johnson shadowing the glamour Saturday, April 1stCelery- bush will be in the game room ~'ow washing. and many girl of Junior High, Miss— Retart Prance, Harmony par i n the form of a series of rapid- things connected with THE FOLLOWING 30 PARA- crander de swing in Cafe ly spoken lectures by Theophilus ing the house clean. Mi:is GRAPHS DID NOT PASS THE Teria at 30:8 (Floyd Gibbons) Dimmick. berlaine will do all the Melody jubilation et brawl CENSORSHIP — THE LAST Some of the rank renditions onstrating as she certainly a la Ricerpate avec tuneful LINE PASSED WITH AN provided by the Stooges will be the practice Cooking will trailers. The Traffic Squad under the S "Ivan Was A Russian" and be on Miss Chamberlaine's Wednesday, April 5th Honor- The future activities of the Minsky Coursehicough's "Flit On Cullemarium is what she unable direction of Miss able academy terminates for musical organizations are nu- The Bumblebee" or "War On It. Lucretia Lucinda Bortz is to be eminent Bunny. merous. To-morrow the band The Insects", both of which are Cooks Orirlnal Cake revised. and orchestra will participate in Monday. April 17th—Upright entirely new. In this division of the course Because of thi.^ obvious fact, the county Sour Note Festival institution of wisdom starts afresh after cessation. Novel Fcedbag Chamberlaine will intro- i t has been suggested that new and Contest held at Riverhead, Refreshments as announced by several original recipes, candidates be accepted in the That our notorioui' band and or- Stench the President of the Back she has kindly consented to near future. The squad has chestra will keep up their rep- Talkers will be Sulphur and us her recipe for angel- entered the following qualiAca- utations as "'S.N." champions is Bromide, mixed cookies with a may-care cake (guaranteed tions into the Traffic Squad absolutely unquestionable. The delieioUH warming drink of H y - to cut or rise). Here is Charter: (1) The candidate must orchestra alone has attained the drochloric Acid to wash them recipe: Take one large m i x - have received at least two U's record of 57 varieties on the clown. Stench also said that Mr. bowl, several aprons, cement on his or her report card (pre- tuning note, "A" Allen would have a hard time spoons, 1 cup of lard ferably in Chemistry and Phys- During thi* month of .\pril., i-ctrpiiig liie lli)or clean of con- elted), 2 pounds of sugar, 1 ics) (2) Tiie Caiididaie should all ihe school music groups will Nineteen Swell Lony Honks stantly falling junk. The Speedy ' n eggs. 1 car baking pow- have been kicked out of at least give a concert. John Sebastian Of High-Class Imbeciles Club of fast girls bought these der, 1 cup of flour, 1 pound of three classes and sent to the Smith will play a flute solo decorations with the money col- liquid cement. Mix ingredients office at least seven times. (3) standing on his head to demon- On Tuesday, March 28, the lected in the Black Check Drive. order, pour into greasy pan The pupil should have to have strate the simplicity of playing sub-zero club (Coicle to youse bake in over for 2 hours. dated at least one member of guys) grabbed dere new mem- Other entertainment will be that instrument. Kravitz wilt Irna Stierle's and Don Carlos cement is hard cover with the faculty on two occasions. hold the music for him. Other ber nuts and put 'em tru de Last but not least, the candi- toid degree. Seeber's presentation of a ~late sauce with pebbles, similar demonstrations will be Rhumba during one of the quar- date must be of the noisy type Membership to dis stupidltous not bad but have pity on given, including that of June ters. Also Senyoureata Peltem because the members of the organitinn is given dem guys Thomas, he'll use an axe Rivers, who will show how to (with spitballs) will adagio with faculty suffered from the quiet. what beg, borrow, or snitch a get hiH dinner. hit a drum on the head without Senyour Edwardo Pickett {Van This fear is truly justified be- double zero wit' a straight stick Jordvisky Directs Bugs hurting it. Dr. Daltroff will Bodegraven). The second new course is un- cause Mr. Kenneth Iveraon, our assist just in case—. in front of it. De dopes what Clark Gable Physics teache, was Sunrise Couple the direction of Professor Among the more serious num- had de century de ting I al- recently sent "away", l>ecause h i s Some of the suprise couples Clark Gable Jordansky. Profes- bers will be the blue-robed ready mentioned tbove, plus de pupils were extremely quiet in his which we have discovered in Jordansky will have com- choir's rendition of "Swing It, initiation fee are as follows: e charge of directing the j i t- experimental classes. Boobies Brock, Clark, and Die- our own individual way are as Bach" by Ludwig Von Brahms, follows; Duck Swiin and Beverly 'ugs in new steps. The better known ai the 'Three ter: Coalboin Davis; Jiggs Duf- ar is very used to work- Lucretia, pardon the familiar- fer, Ellen Nancy Gunther, ty- Lawrence, Bud McQuade and ity, hopes that all eligible stu- B's". During this piece the Jeanne Smith, Warren Kunz and with all types of bugs and audience will be requested by pists Gustavson, Harry "Baboon" and he believes his new dents will answer her ernest Helfrich. Nellie S. Keshishian, Niny Cox, Jack DulTield and Bar- call and will sign up with the Maestro Van Bodegraven to bara Levy, Percy Markland and will be a tremendous suc- hold tight' or 'get out of town'. Susie Kesh., Jean "Srew" Lew- The dancing or pugging captain of the Squad—Mr. Wil- is, Bootch MoQtfort, Lena Pi- Nellie Keshishian, Gordon Ross be done to the accompani- liam Effertz. coni. Ping Pong Roberts, Gordon and Betsy Franklin, and there t of croaking frogs and "Bird" (L'oiseau to youse French are many, many more which can- •-y grasshoppers. The Pro- guys). Ross, Mannie Scrofania, not here be printed. r says nature is the only laUbirds Shot At F o r Port John "Pocahontus' Smith, Foidi- Remember, go anywhere but who is able to provide the Blight Morcfue Collection nand Turrill, and Peper Hewett, to the funeral tomorrow night. atmospheric pressure. Slap As a notice for the sponsors knee curve, waltz trip, On the fateful Ides of March of this thing, there will be no within the bright and cheerful i "ensky special; these all just Mr. Hedy LamEhie Credited Professor Mead Swings Brawl marihuana smoking allowed ex- walls of our town penitentiary, cept in the halls, and all stags few of the new steps and very For His Able Direction O n American Folk Songs while learning. The courses some of the reform group pictures must come alone. be sold every week oy were taken for the Morgue col- On Tuesday last the final Clio lection. The warden. Warren Amid tears and roars of laugh- iieddhufo of the week at ter the Black Checker drama- Forum will be given—I mean was Engineer Puts Resmack Kids (Continued on Page 4) Kunz. more often called "Chub- given. Professor Mead of Hay- by," will include these family tics organization presented its Into Ant-Like Holes Fall production "Square Moon" stack College will speak—I mean portraits in his yearly report spoke on A m e r i c a n folk songs and on next Saturday, March 25. One day during a week in a er Week's Honor Squar* called "The Port Blight." Saul awing. The unusually small a u - Much credit is due Mr, Hedy month of the twentieth century, Scherer, up for l i f e for a t t e m p t i n g dience of five hundred students, : New List Made LamEhre for his able direction a man spoke to a group of peo- to establish a dictatorship gov- shaged, and drooled, to the syn- and guidance. ple on a subject. are very sorry to announce ernment in the United Sstates, camptations of the Haystack light. Ellie Bestone had t h e lead and The man was Senor King, a the Honor Square that wuz was In charge of the p i c t u r e tak- Last wink Kirrel Lightweight certainly proved her Thespian resident engineer This man in last weak's issue of t h e ing. was tried behind the members of ability in the third and sixth has been in charge of the con- Monthly" wuz all one b i g Those who were photographed Antony's love in cour t of lies a n d acts. Bob Vessel as Mrs. Rim- struction of many ant-like tun- " e. Before the list reached were the occhestra, consisting of was finded guilty of a grave crime. plegar was the serious minded nels, including the Midtown according to Will Merrill, it those in f o r a stretch of 75 years She in accordance with the typi- diligent mother who earned a Tunnel. mixed up with the ineligible or more, the staff of the jail birds' cal womandriver starie, knocked lot of money for the family. •0 here it is. weekly paper, the m e m b e r s of the over (?) and ran down

THE PORT WEEKLY Annual nut issue of The Port Weekly, Published annually by There Is Something That Doesii^tLike A Wall tbe wacky Wigglers of the Port Washington Institute for Mental Defectives. The price is two ear twitches plus a pie-eyed walk, Claims ^D, Phooey In Smashing Attack On payable after the absorption of alcholic beverages Linotyped and printed bv Grizzlepuss-Wood inch Publicalions. HedyLa M^Ehre As Com munist Threat To Ant^\ Inc., Glen Cove. BIB Shot Pansy Leafy Sob'em Riebt Racketeers: Shouting that daguerrotypci Pickelt To H e a d 1940 Little Big Shots: A. Tete Tete, Coppers' Moll, F. Katnapper, PUBLIC NOTICES •< had no part In our anti-social Barley. M . Lank. Republioan Ticket structure. District Attorney ThoJ Little Big Shots: Nanny Gun- Calisthenics: A, Goo, N . Gay-Nut. Starting one month from mas E. Phooey fiercely dej powder, Sea Loose Weight, Why, yes, I'm fairly confident Sporteers: How old Stephen"son, Monday, competition for the nounced celluloid fireplaces and Flow Brook. that I'll have the time to head Devilina Scrapperella. title "The Girl of the Day after Edward Ere in a little game of] Knows For N o u s e : Sticky Marquis the Kepublican National Ticket Tomorrow" will be held under stud played in the Port Weeldj] Feetsure Hurl: Whatta Quake ImiUtlon Desk: Nelodie Bird, ill 1940, retorted •'H2S'" Pickell water at the World's Fair office last night. "The newla Copy Cat Cut-up: Slierlock Wet- Elie Bestone, M. Loose Teeto- to the Democratic head as he LeEoon of Nations. named Dean of Dramatics m foot. taler, Genius Cowvarlley. threw a smelly hydrogoofic acid The schedule: Port Washington High Schooll Jive & Swing Maestros: Little compound into J, Pierponl Hay's is not only a subversive ele-1 Hand me downers: Vieil Eel, Slim Monday: blondes Neli, Gin Swoon. automobile in the parking space, ment, the ingrate. but he won'! Kunz, Hurry Helpfritz, Ross Tuesday: real blondes Chief Swapper: Glory BuU •'If the boys need me, it looks stay subversive after all we'll and sister, Make Hehn while Wednesday, red heads Stuffed Shirt: Orisday Erton Fay as if I'll have to come out of done lo him." said the fietJ the shoe shines. Thursday: brunettes Public eye-catchers: Bay Osborne, m y political retirement, self-im- young presidential timber as M Friday: bearded ladles I leanon Dugans. Faculty Ad versus: posed after my great semi-vic- laid down his ante. ^ Wear a bathing suit. If y o u Ventilation Distributor: Silly Pappa Zekar tory in '78. Now, people, I re- roust. Alice. Buffalo Bill member on the Regents of Jan- uary, '32 why I—oh, well, that —BILL STINKWEED Eddy Ehre retorted to thi VoL XV—No. 17 FraedoT. March 31, 1939 is not what I'm going to talk gross hyperbole and extemperH about today. neous remark from Phooey aiM Wonted—one Hedy Lamaar. "Back in '78 I attained my ripped into the prosecutor's arJ Let's Be Audience-Mifided Pussy Mark land greatest heights as a politician guments with an eloquence selJ Wanted—One Errol Flynn. dom waxed or waned within t h | This editorial should be read while hanging by the —why 1 remember it as if it Barbara Levy ofltices of the "Twiggie". "Thl toes from a mango tree. was only yesterday. Here's what happened. The formulae called Say! Why don't you two get judicial structure of the StatJ Death and taxes are overrated. And even Deadlines for hydro—No—that's not i t . T h e together! of New York," continued earn] and Regents are not implaceable. The first time you smoke crowds were cheering—1 was a • • • est Ehre. matching Phooeyll a cigaret or wear long trousers are not anywhere so devaa- candidate for mayor. My oppo- ante, "is foul with malicioj Wanted—One Junior high teach- grafters and ignoramuses J tatingly important as everyone claims. Why, the Flower nent. Mr. F. D R. Jones, was er, one night without having to Hill School is filled with Brooks Brothers blatant bill- considered as not h a v i n g a chance which Tommy Phooey is tbl correct homework, one wedding perfect type. It has been id boards bellowing their origin, which is what Bi-ooks Bros, but he kept on In the race. gown, 1 cook book, I box of observation that the most dlM wearers want them to do. We might, too, d i d we buy such "The crowds were cheering— Hipse, i happy home. honorable D. A, thinks the numl expensive names. But we prefer habiliments of more the bands were playing—it was Kate C. bers racket is a Chinese cuuntl character . . . Barney's for us. voting day. My assistants re- • • • ing board and the word "hinen ceived their proper instructions Wanted—One meeting of TertuUa refers to the rear anutomioj But back to the step which people say is very im- as how to successfully slulT a on next Tuesday at 3 p. m . Must oxlremeties of the animus genfl portant, which people we agree with. ballot box without being delect- have members. Spaclal notice: pigus familia. With this firH That is selecting a college. ed. I sent them out to make The members of Tertulla who like answer, Ehre threw in hll their way and I myself went You can go to Harvard or Yaie or Dartmouth, or meet next Tuesday take no jacket and vest in reply t] out with my pockets stuffed with Vassar or Princeton and hope to meet dozens of millioned respansibillty for Miss Saberskl Phooey's royal straight Hush. voles. roommates. You might, and you might meet counter- or debts encoured by her in The D. A. responded to thtl parts. 'When the sun went down anybody's Interest. charge with the terse accuM that night I and my assistaiits • a • You can go to MIT or RPI or CCC a n d sweat your tion that rubber-legged chaUJ eyebrows off and be a very good engineer. checked over the situations. We Wanted—One detective to In- had cast a total of 2,569 1-18 vestigate Mr. Eh r e ' s private stemless flowers and TurkiJ You can go South and pass with a 30 average. votes for me. life. Address Room 110. Ckling Harems .^s displayed in the "LiJ You can go to Gehenna for all we care. "Well, I turned on the radio, time, after and between 8:40 nar Tripod" (all rights reservj Why doesn't someone endow the Port Light and get sure of victory The results came a. m. and 2:50 p. m. and copyrighted) was highd its staff members off the .•streets and out from the money over the radio. 1, I am very unethical and contrary U) 3 markets? sorry to say lost The resulta good form of dramatic execM tion, and we mean executloj W e also would like to be endowed, but we have more were 2,569 1-18 for Pickell and To be incorporated in the 2,569 1-17 for F D. R. Jones nineteen thirty-nine "Port Eddy stripped to his DVB's anl character anyway. corset. W e would buy some of those listless Brooks pajamas Hooseveit. Blight" i s : "So youse see, gentlemen, 1 Little Error jumped to his bard and the "Queen Mary" and put out a nut issue every day "MEMOIRS OF MY feet and moved for order in tha until we got tired. 'I'hen we would relax. am fully qualilied to run on t h e Republican National Ticket in HOBOKEN STOCK office as Papa Zekar lit his tuil Define Semantics. the capacity of President of the COMPANY DAYS" used congratulation cigars (hi couldn't even give them awaj] Copywrite Samuel Goldwyn (K was ate by a pigeon), United States. I can guarantee B y (continued on page three) that F. D. R. Jones Roosevelt with dynamite caps. In will win." Soul O. Scherer to his request for order, Pho collected his just-due froml Weather't Report and left him holding an or blank of the national Ba Remember when baking soda on chewing gum in- We Give You David Oglethorpe Makers Inc., Ltd. stead of sugar was supposed to be as vile a trick as could Phooey had Ehre where be played on any unsuspecting Api'il Fool, when telegrams wanted him and at that poll were sent collrct to your friends, and "Kick Me", pinned Krajnz-a-Pajnz; A Communist he forced him l o confess that on the back of a sweater, was the funniest thing ever? would not dare claim his inna4 cence before a D. A.—R. con^ Ah, they were the good old days., but, alas, gone This week we give you the o u t - Theophilus Q, DlmmlclE forever, or, maybe, like prosperity, just around the cor- standing life of Dave Kravitz from vention in his present conditio will posilivelY execute That was c o n v i c t i n g evidence ner. But as someone told me the other day—Port is not his cradle to a four-poster. As a on exhibition tango at Eddy knew it. He reluctanS looking in Fool jokes. After every and any occasion, the baby, he showed unusual signs of the Retaht-Celery Hop. gave himself up to Warden boys of, shall we say, S y r a c u s e , go "Hellzapoppin'" in t h e being unusual. He sucked his * * * * little finger instead of his thumb. West. neighborhood of anywhere from Ivy Way to Hilltop Drive. As a child, he was better than Admission Free to Alumni All chiracters in this trash And the damage those five, or twenty-five little boys can good. purely fictitious and any do! Can these bla.sphemous actions continue? You say tion to people living, dead, This gifted tower of strength at "no", but they do. Something must be done, it's getting Open Letter ing, or unborn is purely the age of five mastered Anthro- so that a party can't be a success these days unless crash- dental, unintentional, unplanr pology, Advanced Calculus, and K. G. K. Productions. coincidental and generally ers show up, followed a few minutes later, by the police sixteen different languages, in- Hollywood. meant. department or at least one police. We appeal to all those cluding Greek and Haussa. studes with a sense of good parties, stop these marauders, Dear Censors: One day, while shadow boxing, Please censor our next little or else . he knocked himself out and stlnkeroo. "Sizzling Sex," for al everything left him, including the least a week please. But I t ' s all Bacon Theatre Haussa. His distracted parents Platonic, you know. sent him to many institutions, A Scintillating Dump Yes, you d a r l l n e censors. and finally in d e s p a i r , sent him to K, G. PRODCCnONS. Port Washington High School. ( K. was ate by a pigeon.) Monday: LEGIO N LEVEYS After many years under the e x - "SIN, YOO S I N G E R S " pert care of the keepers there it We have been asked by t h e Bingo, dishes, a smile all came back to him, including the manager. the Anthropology, u . s. government to warn our Buy a ticket to the Legion Levey* or we'll readers that there are many Plus second feature, One day. i n the spring of '39. "EXCESS BAGGAGE" while still a lunior. w o r d came to bogus (phoney) eight dollar put the slug OH youae. Bring a screwdriver and him that he had been skipped a bills being circulated In this lake your seat home. year and had been pronounced area. valedictorian of the school. The following simple test A Franklin Markland and Henry will determine the authenticity Tuesday: 3,000 Beautiful Girls\^^ Hay coming in second and third. of any e i g h t dollar slice of the Bring a sieve and take treasury: burn the bill, if It This gentleman (") now fitteon, the manager home. smells like the gossip column, after spending a tew years with A i t was real: if it s m e l l s like t h e the Foreign Legion and after Wednesday: 18,000,000 Beautiful Intermissions Chemistry Labratory does fre.- many titles and successes had Time out l o r bankniptqr luently. reach tor y o u r Shirley been conferred upon him, Anally Temple gas mask and vacate proceedings. settled down and b e c a m e the be- S8.00 Tickets $8.00 the premises Immediately. If A loving president, dictator and lot sooner. Thursday: prime minister of the thriving "THE ENEMIC WEST" Bring Your Oint Oun country of Abyssiniatoniteatetght, Say. what ever became of Halle Selassie? All ushers will be hanged a large island suddenly sprung u p for ulmoqiiMra. • In Manhasset Bay. (Continued on m g e 72) FreedoT. M a r c l i 31. 1939 PIE I'D WIGGLE Page ThTM

Finally, April Fool Fresh Fish Red Ink Reekly Dear Readers

EDITORIAL STAFF Angus Sings Fenny Serenade Roses Are Red^ BFminine Whip Sweet Sal Angus In Herba Jr. High He-Men Everybody's DarlinE . . Violets Are Blue, Reverent Wilson By Billy Peper (Snake in the Graae) Our Child Prodigy Sun Ray Display Brawn Camera HlshllghU Su^ar Is Siveet, Its a great day for the Scotch By SHIRLEY LA WTO N Bob Falters. Ted Plegalee, to-day. the whole school got 100 This is the last coulmn that you With the football season al- Betina Edwards And So Are You, per cent but not without the act are apt to read for quite awhile. most here, and since almost every Miss Manager Fair E!ly of nervoisem on the part of thrifty I know you aren't exactly dying boy has been swimming there are Wanna Buy A Paper? Angus. When the man from the because of it but I though I'd just 140 he-men out for baseball. All amateur gardeners should June Rose (berg) bank came to get the money the let you konw how long you will There are three boys in the school be preparing their best flowers Sloppy Desk Editor: Clarinet Reed precent for the school was 99 and have to wait before you can see who can reach home plate from for the Flower Show to be held Sucker List Little Shaver 44 100%. Everyone had banked your name in print again. Maybe the pitchers box so Mr. Rogo in ihis school. This flower show Jean Meesher Peggy's Rank except Thrifty Angus. He had run Esquire, is contemplating short- the reason will be ot more interest is expected to the best one ever Dora Thea Pepper Pot home for his $00.01 and was run- to you. It isn't that I'm going to ening the bases by about fifty Dear Arabob ning lickety-split down Main run away from all you brutes or feet. The three boys who can held although those who saw last Street. He passed three red lights anything like that, it's just that reach the plate are in 7-B so year's show will agree that the and had five cops chasing him. I'm going to take a vacation, and shame on alt the brutes in the coming one will have to go some My Day Here he comes around the bend, strange to say so are all of you. 9-B, Mr. Rogo is offering a $500,- to beat the 1938 Show. All par- oops, he fell, he's up. he's down, Easter is coming and we are all 000 reward to anyone who can ticipants had better get out their the cops are gaining, here he leaving for a time. Quite a long reach the plate from second base. garden scissors and garden gloves By BII.I.IE GOAT time too. Just to fill up space I ' l l comes, he can't get the door open, and go to work very soon. From my percii on Mr. Allen's he threw his penny in the win- tell you when it starts. Wednes- Down in the gym every few file. I look down on hundreds of dow, the school is saved. But day. April 5 is the day that you nights you will see two flashes Local merchants are donating his admiring and devoted pupils poor little Angus is in jail. But struggle home, overburdened with trying to hit a little jigger over fine prizes for the best cut and who come to him for a much don't worry because McTavish, books which you will bury your- some sewed together threads arranged flowers. All entries needed education. MacDoogle and Jones are going to self in until Monday April 17,. and which are supposed to represent should be turned over to Miss Daily, I hear Ted Parmelee and put in a good word for him. then you will re t u r n - m u c h to net, which is suspended by a Hansen before May 1. May 1, the Jimmy Roberts commenting on every one's dispair-so brilliant couple of beanstalks. These date set for this gala event, is Hitler's doings in Europe. Soon, that we will immediately give marvels are the cast-offs of the appropriately enough. May Day. in self defence. I shall become a you a job teaching your former ping-pong tournament who are This show will be absolutely Nazi myself. Do Yon Recollect? classmates. trying to play a game called mad- Marvelous, Stupendous. and The other day I overheard a minton. The object of this game Beautiful! ! All you have to do meeting of the Charm Club, so By JEANNE ROSENBERG • • • is to see who can hit the little is to display your best blossoms, now, whenever Jean Mellor takes Do you remember ? Are you a Sport's }an? Dt bird out of the court or under the just anything that grows in the out her mirror to powder her When, in September, 1937, we you like to see high jumping? net first. To win you must get soil. nose I look over her shoulder to had 6 new pedagogues: Well we have go"*^ right here 6.538 points. So, bring on your pretty blos- see if my beard is parted cor- Miss O'Malley, Mias Fett, and in our own school. Do you know Outside on some of these fine soms, plants, seedings. and in rectly. Miss Marks? Homer AilingloJi? No, he's not rainy mornings you might hap- fact, anything that will beautify When lunch hour rolls around. Mr. Crystal. Mr. Gardener, and the jump, he does the jumping pen to find two roasted to death the exhibit. Until May 1, watch I get so hungry watching all the Mr, Rogo? Honestly you .thould see hini. He young scholars with two by fours for further news! delicious, home-made sandwiches Do you remember .. . ? jumps things just about as high in their hands trying to push a slipping down someone else's The telephone exhibit in the as his own shoulder. I know, I little concrete ball over the net. little red lane. A stomach full of library? fcnoti) that he's only about two Whether you guessed it or not, Continued Slory cotton batting is hardly enough When Helena Adams and Char- feet but think of the compari- these aspiring boys were playing to crub a young goat's appetite. lotte Breaznell made a drama son. tennis' little sister, paddle tennis. Yesterday afternoon 1 had two and tragedy panel, and ex- The 9-B's are having a volley The Light On Gray Islanil unexpected callers when that hibited It in Mr. Brennan's • • • ball tournament so I've been told nice little boy—what's his name? room? Whot were Bob Fitz and Bob but nobody from any other grade By JOANNE WILLIAMSON —oh, yes.—Sey m o u r Donniger When Phyllis Warren was RenJTow doing at Roberto Host- is allowed to enter. I t was two days later. The brought Oscar AUawishes up for school president and so many age's Friday night. Roberta sait Erlichts were gone. Their story a social chat. Oscar told me all male hearts broke when she they were playing ping-pong had been a short one. On the day the latest talk from 204. t guess left? You boys better watch out or Losi and Found of Hitler's triumphant entry into Science classes must be one round When Anne Ross wrote "The Bob Wallers will get you. My, Vienna Franz von Erlicht had of gossip. Adventures of a Fish by a My such a bunch of Bobs. How By BARBARA READE and shot himself. His sons, after trying Wednesday, during home room Fish" for this noble paper? do you keep them straight? PEGGY RANKIN i n vain to adjust themselves to period, the one who was supposed When Helena Adams answered Lost—a traffic squad for half a the new conditions In Austria, to give a play got hit by a base the Inquiring Reporter's • • • day. had stowed away on a ship bound ball so we had to listen to some question, "What do you think A treasure hunt started out at Lost—Um brella by a teacher with for America. After reaching port goffy story which was very bor- of Boys?" by saying, (quote) Barbara KnouJllon's last Satur- briken ribs. Ihey had managed to hitch hike ing. This is about the fifth time "Boys are essential part of day and finally ended up al Lost—30 pupils in a Math test. to Barnacle Cove and Gray Is- this sort of thing has happened everyday life"? Posie Van Zandl's 1 don't known Lost^—one horse from under a land. For a week they had lived this term—next time I'm going And when Mr. Markle answer- exactly who was there but the rider. on nothing but berries and sea to butt in. ed another inquiry, "What do report is thai they had n lot of Lost—one dog by a boy with a gulls. Then they had been dis- I was counting on a nice mip you think of girls?" by say- fun. red tail. covered by Lily and Elsa. this afternoon so I wouldn't be ing; "Girls rate high in my Lost—appetite by a lovesick boy. The boys were now under the quite so sleepy when the band opinion because my 2 best • • • protection of Elsa's father. He strikes up at 6 a. m., but I just girls are my mother and my Can you imagine Potsy I'l- Found—dishwater in a soup bowl. would fix everything. He always heard the P-T. A. is going to use wife!?" dence went to Boston and didn't Found—a book by a girl with a did. this room to discuss their chil- When we had the Hobby Ex- come bocfc with a new girl. I green front. Now Lily and Elsa lay stretch- dren's problems so I guess I'll hibit in the different Home guess he's still being faithful to Found—a baby left over from ed out on the rocks. The Sun and have to keep awake. rooms? "Jinno" Brock. Baby Week. the salty air had such a soothing When Mr. Brennan answered Found—a steak for a boy with a effect that the girls were nearly the ever-insistent reporter's • • • shiner. asleep. Elsa sighed contentedly Monotony question, "what's your fa- and absent-mindedly tickled a I wish someone would give vorite period?" with the wist- crab with a piece of seaweed. Lily me some good suggestions for ful; "I like 'em all except Idly tossed pebbles at a solemn (Written while being bored in the column. How about some Have .i Dntfi English!"? procession of sandpeeps marching Study-hall) Letters to (he Editor (1 love By FRANCES SHAVER And Lastly: When the home across the sand. letters—) or an Advice to the Monday. April 3.—Alligator Across the street is the fire de- room contest was dicussed, "Elsa," she said, "I know what Lorelom (That would be fun— fight in Room 204—Admission partment and pondered upon? you mean about this place. Its for me—) one pinch of alligator food. The policeman lingers near heavenly. Why I've even develop- Tuesday. April 4.—Boys charm But never in all my conscious ed an affection tor Willie Walters. • • • club (The tmys will be taught hours He always looks so cute and Library Desires That dirt under my feet how to pick the right hair cut.) Has there ever been need for him proud of his wooden leg." Everett Wilson keeps telling me here! Wednesday April 5—Students " I knew you'd love it in time," that I should put "we" every will test teachers on subjects they murmured Elsa seepily. As for Your Exhibits time that 1 want to say 1". I have taught them. The time has come to question Willie why Barnacle Cove guess he doesn't want to be left Thursday. April 6—Members this Just why is our life so wouldn't be Barnacle Cove with- By JEANNE ROSENBERG out of fhingt. of the fairer sex will hit the boring? out him. He's been here forever." What ho. brilliant ones! This birdie over the fence or will it be Even remodeling didn't last • * • THE END week, the inimitable Miss God- the fairer sex going over.' And there are no floods a-pouring And please remember you free announces to you-all that Friday. May 7—Bull fight in any ideas for clever and catch- members of this Junior High Newspaper Boners About our desks and around our School, contributions arc always the assembly. (Who are they go- the-eye exhibits will be grate- ing to use as the fighter?) necks. fully accepted. So, bring on the welcome, lha( is for the paper. These mistakes were made in And even a hurricane shows, whether they be pictures Either bring them up to room prominent New England news- Failed to tear our dear school or statues, and don't fail to look 308 or phone P W. 2515 and We have heard that the 8-B papers. down see what you get Girls who have been doing all i n on the "World's Fair Exhibit." V * • Dishes are washed more quickly I t still stands safely on Main. going on now. WE HAVE HEARD THAT the rope-jumping around school when soap is added to the ditch- One more tribute to Miss God- We Saw Jimmy O'Day. buying the past week or two have water. nut maybe I'd better knock on free for her clever arranging of twelve bunches of bananas for his thought all along there was to be (a Maine paper) wood these exhibits, which makes the pet chimpanzee the other day. a jumping rope contest held here, And cross my fingers well very dullest of them seem excit- We have heard that Mr. Haron and they were practicing up for • • • it. poor things. Now, enlightened, Because what we might do if one ing and jolly. The whole library has a secret crush". As he opened Scrambled eggs taste better and a Iso disillusioned, they skip of these things looks very sunny and cozy, and his desk drawer to give us some when varnished with parsley, morosely on. iJID happen—well, who could extremely un-library-ish looking typewriting paper, we caught a (a New Hampshire paper) tell? due to her decorating. glimpse of some clippings of that Jinno Brock has a malici- * « * dimpled darling, Shirley Temple! ous and snake-like plan to Corned beef and cabbage should Incidentally, it was the third disengage the much-sought be served with spoiled potatoes. iSotive To Subscribers drawer on the right, if any of you after affections of Billy Peper (a Vermont paper) feel like desk-breaking. from his present flame, Ruth • • Any similarity to persons living ur dead is purely coincidental. our most august and rever- Lee Seaman, Watch out, Spinach should be placed in a Ou.' critics may sue the Bubblegum Company. ed secretary-treasurer. Roger Rufus! calender before washing, Montgomery wore a purple (a Mass. paper) and yellow striped bathing- suit to the Masquerade Ball. HOsh-Keshe said h,e 1904was . going as Miss PoQm Tout PIE I'D WIGGLE Freeday, March 31,1

ganlsed by Philip Warren which CLASSIFIED were patronized by Manuel Oatos and Slawkie Lang. Wanted — G o o d - l o o k i n g b 1 o n After the kiddies had fooled wants date for Celery-Re around with this dilightful sport, Prance. Adress Room By NANSEA GAY-NITT By ELMER and BOB refreshments were served. They Foo, Port Washington Maybe you've already heard The Joe C o l l e g e Droppers m e t consisted of dainty cement cakes School. about the recently formed box- at the home of "Pearl One" Iver- baked by Joe Kirby's own little ing class. The "boxeteers" held •on on Tuesday afternoon at hands, ittie bittie cookies which Doy ou have back bend? their first matches: the day be-The meeting opened with a violin were almost fried in chicken an arch forever ruin your fore a week ago tomorrow. Al solo by Clementine Clark. This greese and which were put ture? Do you suffer from this time Josephine "Jeepers" odorous solo was followed by an through the process of b e i n g cook- toms Rusas and Alice "Creepers" Gra- adagto dance given by Diana ed by Nathan Cox, and the Don't bother with patent ra basky had a fast, furious, a n d Bosworth and Daisy Borriottl who punchiest punch which was con- cines. Just take Miss Ma funny fight. "Creepers" kept have just completed a tour cocted by the younger members Health Course Room 102 e- running under "Jeepers" legs, through Brooklyn. of the club-Elmer Fenton. Joshua Thursday by appointment only which confused "Jeepers" con- President Pinkie Croucher Lewthwaite, Billie Brooke and siderably. The outcome of this opened the business meeting with Saul Dusinberre. Wowl was that PERSONAL—Dear Mike, hu WARREN encounter was a tie, since "Jeep- a report of the achievements of punch hot! home. Pat. ers" knocked out "Creepers" the Droppers. Clementine Clark All the little darlings had to and vice versa. has just finished knitting his (Continued from Page 1) he in bed e a r l y, so their papas' • • • lime-green angora bollera for called for them about five o'clock any hours at your convenience. the Celerity Prance. We just know the next morning. NOTICE YOU The Professor is always willing Another match which was held that "Clemy" will look devastat- to show any of his steps to on the same day was that of Betty ing. JITTERBUGS! admirers of the dance. We for- "Butch" O'Brien and Babs "Slug- WANTED—1 Junior High Teach- ger" Noss. This was really an Little Agatha Gould has cro- er, one night without haveing got to mention Professor Jor- All the Latest Dance Hits hostile battle, for the t w o box- cheted a shocking pink turtle- to correct homework, one wed- densky is joining Miss Cham- O n Victor Records berlaine's course in domesticary. ers had a 'poisonal' score to settle nerk strapples Job to wear under ding gown, one cook book, one and they really let l o o s e on each box of 'hipso. one happy home. He'll need it. his Tux. Also a complete Selection other. Some of the boys In the —Kate C. Last but certainly not least The meeting was b r o u g h t to a ai'dience fainted at the s l e h t of of Sheet Music is the class under the direction close with a f e w recipes given by whipped cream (from an eclalre of Mrs. Balasolomyso, the great Woo Woo Effertz. which Butcb had thron-n— don't dictator. In her class all pu- • * • Marsh ask me w h e r e she got i t ) stream- pils will learn how to acquire ing down "Slugger's face. As a The Shot Put FtooKle Club held Dance Corsages new and without bloodshed. This Radio result of this, the boys raised a their first meeting last something great dictator. Mrs. Balasolomy- petition saymg that there should or other at the home of Charlie 44 MAIN STREET SD, is even greater than Hitler, S. F. FALCONER be no more such exhibitions of Van Zandt. There were several TeL P. W. 2228 Mousoliniso or any o f them over human slaughter In this school. tables of Tidley Winks (?) or- S. Maryland Ave. P. W . 866 there. She dictates hundreds of Thus, the death of a peaceful (?) people every day She will i n - organiiatlon! struct th^ class of how d i c t a t o r s should dress: none of those • • > PORT brown shirts or red p a n t s ; some- The spring sports are under lEANNE thing very snoppy. The rest of way. One of the most popular the course is being kept secret every year is Ah, cherie. This CAR DRIVERS year it will probably be even SMITH more popular, because the in- SEE Slugs Slug Sloppys Wedneador structor will be Mr. D a n Cupid, I n 6:30 Turtle Bug Basket who is going to teach each girl and how to shoot straight so she will The lOA Slugs beat the llA 'get her man". Harry Conrad Dopes 2-3 Wednesday in basket- V • • • FOR TIRES, TUBES ball. The game was played at DALE 6:30 Wednesday morning on tht- Another spring sport, one which REPAIRS football field. The Slug had will make Its Inittai appearance their new uniforms on which In this school this year. Is bar 36 Main Street consist«d of pink donee bon- work. This will be taught by nets, ski-pan i s , turtle neck Convict 765198, who has very TeL P. W . IS65 sweaters, and beach clogs. The sractously consented to leave his Dopes wore their usual uni- duties at Sing Sing Prison In ;wooj /ti iiu^itl aaaif aj| amoj jauQ amoj forms. During the second quar- order to come here once a week. ter a jitterbug cor test was held. • • * Each contestant was given a The members of the riding snake for participating. The S E C R E T A R I E S club have voted unanimously to C«nip1*1* S«r*tBriat and BH*ln««a CsurH* winner will never be decided. bring large soft pillows to put for HIch ^hoDl GnduBIH Orh, year roun^, riiliurH! ...ubj.vti Included The Dopes played a very good on the saddles so that they will AIBO Sunlit rm.r.Th cDUr.-.'S f' l r AJvanced SIudrnlB game. be able to eat a meal in com- 3I fort on Friday evenings. MEdBlll' After the strenuous game the TIMES BUILIIME 1475 IROIDWH' girls went to Joe's Bar and Grill [xa for Chow Mien. Try Our Tasty Tooth Treota For Terrible Tumors Have you tried our remedy? Well, come, come, don't be bash- ful. Have you? Ah! We thought not. Have you a fallen arch, a n eye with a twisted twinkle, a nail with a hangover, a glassy schnoz- ill ami? ig^g at/, a a m / a zola? Then take advantage of this gigantic offer '. ! I We are pre- pared to contribute to the health and happiness of your home and personal atmosphere. Try o u r little remedy. It's yours for a limited time only. Green-Junker aJV3 H9IH U0IN3S & Company. Do you feel gooey when you get HERBIE and HELEN up in the morning? Does your NOIDNIHSVM XHOd 3HX tongue say nasty things- Do your teeth try t o bite at you? Does DOROXm' WFITZNEE your mirror make scary faces at IVULTON M. BORQMAN choo. (Gazootite!) Well! See the Port High English Dept. K«rlBtcrfld OptaB«trl*t« C.mgM. Mr* Wtntm WANTED—A new camera plus a U l Ula ttTMt F . W . U few lenses. Everitt H. SDNIH NHIAHH S H I CAREER GIRLI

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