California State University, Northridge
Total Page:16
File Type:pdf, Size:1020Kb
CALIFORNIA STATE UNIVERSITY, NORTHRIDGE BUSCANDO MI TONAL A QUEER CHICANO’S SEARCH FOR SELF IN ACADEMIC LITERATURE A thesis submitted in partial fulfillment of the requirements For the degree of Master of Arts in Chicano and Chicana Studies By Alex Sandro Salazar May 2013 The thesis of Alex Sandro Salazar is approved: ________________________________________________ ________________ Mary Pardo, Ph.D. Date ________________________________________________ ________________ Yreina Cervantez, MFA Date ________________________________________________ ______________ Christina Ayala-Alcantar; Ph.D., Chair Date California State University, Northridge ii ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS This thesis would not have been possible without the work, support, and care of many people and communities of people. First always to the ancestors; their bones are the stones the world is made of. They are our foundation. I had the honor of meeting two people as part of this process that have since gone to join them; Dr. Karin Durán and Dr. Mack Johnson. You are remembered. My foray into Graduate Studies was prompted and facilitated by Dr. Linda Lam-Easton. I can’t thank you enough. The field of Chicano Studies and work on Queer Chicanos is the foundation this thesis is built on. I am grateful for the attention and support of CSUN’s Chicano Studies department and all the professors I have had the honor and pleasure of learning from; Fermin Herrera, Rosa Furumoto, Peter Garcia, Yarma Velazquez-Vargas, Juana Mora, and Lara Medina. My wonderful thesis committee: Mary Pardo and Yreina Cervantez; I am very grateful for all of your insights, ideas, and editorial contributions. I could not have done any of this without the head of my Thesis Committee; Christina Ayala- Alcantar, you carried me through this and gave me all the encouragement and guidance I needed to get it done. Thank you! My fellow Chicano Studies Graduate students are in this thesis. Thank you all. Shout out to George Sanchez-Tello and Jessica Arana; you have repeatedly and consistently made me feel more capable than I think I am and I am privileged to have met you both (and all the other great minds in my adopted cohort). My friends and coworkers at Tarzana Treatment Centers, Inc. kept me employed, provided me vital emotional and social support, made going to school possible for me, and brought Damus Ortiz and Michelle Durazo into my life (a great boon). Special thanks to the Mental Health and Program Development Departments and my supervisors there; Carol Bishop and Dr. Clarita Lantican. I could not have started or finished this project without the love and support of my oldest friends: Priscilla Montez, Emy Generalao-Christoffreson, and Paola Perez. I love you. Thank you. Mis padres; Raudel Salazar y Maria Gonzalez. Mis hermanos y hermanas; Javier, Celia, Luis, Lupe, Raudel, Tere, Jose, Erika, Carlos, y Maria De Jesús, mis cuñadas y cuñados, comadres y compadres, sobrinos y sobrinas, ahijados y ahijada y todos mis parientes. Sin ustedes nada bueno en mi vida sería posible. Los quiero un chingo. Mr. Barajas; my (hopefully) soon to be husband and greatest support; Thank you most of all, I love you. iii Table of Contents Signature Page ii Acknowledgements iii List of Tables v Abstract vi Chapter One 1 Chapter Two 19 Chapter Three 47 Chapter Four 91 Chapter Five 112 References 172 iv List of Tables Table 1: Available Data Sources on MesoAmerica 28 Table 2: Indexed References to Gay, Queer, Homosexuality 29 Table 3: Indexed References to Sex 32 Table 4: Indexed References to Sacrifice 40 Table 5: Available Data Sources for Chicano Studies 50 Table 6: Indexed References to Homosexual, Gay, Queer in Chicano texts 53 Table 7: Indexed References to Sex in Chicano texts 60 Table 8: CSUN Library Queer/ Gay Homosexual Chicano Texts by Year 69 v ABSTRACT BUSCANDO MI TONAL A QUEER CHICANO’S SEARCH FOR SELF IN ACADEMIC LITERATURE By Alex Sandro Salazar Master of Arts in Chicano and Chicana Studies This thesis attempts to challenge notions about queer Chicanos, contextualize their lives within Chicano/ Latino communities (and in the broader communities in which we exist) and dispute stereotypical, and harmful ideas about queer Chicanos, our families, and lives. It does this by conducting content analysis on Mesoamerican and Chicano Studies literature and presenting and highlighting work by Queer Chicanas/os and contributing the author’s auto-historia as a counter-narrative. A second goal of this thesis to examine and contribute to the academic discussion related to queer/ gay Chicano men by using a relational theory focused on sex and desire as proposed by Yvonne Yarbro-Bejarano, (2010) and borrow and expand on the concepts of mestizaje and nepantlism as presented by Gloria Anzaldua (1987) in Borderlands/ La Frontera. The image of a lost and diseased queer Chicano/ Latinos is countered in this thesis by the idea of Queer Chicano in the process of healing and finding a home in their families and cultures. Keywords: Queer Chicano, Autohistoria, Nepantlah vi CHAPTER ONE Tonal if you lose your tonal might as well be dead - Francisco X. Alarcon In which we begin our academic adventure; stories are told, words are defined, plans are made and questions are proposed. Introduction This is how it started. I was born in 1978. I remember that when I was five there was a picture, next to the door in the living room, of a little girl that was about my age and my oldest sister, the little girl’s godmother, would often tell me that that little girl was my “novia” (girlfriend) and that I was going to marry her when I grew up. I wouldn’t play along. I would just be quiet. Even at a very young age, I knew that this wasn’t true for me. I was never attracted to girls as anything but friends. I also knew without actually knowing that I should not disclose this to anybody. I convinced myself that being attracted to girls would come later. That it was maybe something I would grow into. I didn’t know that any other option existed. There were stories that I was aware of growing up of effeminate or sex-crazed person who did not understand proper sexual boundaries, people who were weird, 1 perverted, child-molesters, and pedophiles. I didn’t want to be that, but as far as I knew there wasn’t a word for what I was, so I asked myself if maybe this was what I was. I wasn’t able to communicate these feelings to anyone. I feared that if I talked about it then my “real” self would somehow be revealed. I don’t remember when I first heard about “homosexuality,” but it probably wasn’t long after that I went to my local library and looked up anything I could find about it. Unfortunately, the Sun Valley Branch library had only one book on the subject that I could find. Luckily it was “When Someone You Know is Gay” by Susan and Daniel Cohen (1989), a sympathetic and non-judgmental text that served as a bit of “gay” 101 to me. This went a long way towards helping me accept myself, but it did not automatically rid me of all the negative thoughts that I had. To a certain extent I began attributing those negative characteristics to other (particularly older) gay people. The first time someone said they thought I was gay I got angry and cried; I was in middle school at the time and I ran to a friendly teacher and sobbed to her as if I had been accused of something horrible. I knew I was attracted to men, but I didn’t want everything that came with a gay connotation. A few years later, when I had just started high school and was about fifteen years old I met a guy around my age whom I was attracted to and who told my friend he was attracted to me. He told her that she should give me his phone number “if I was gay,” and I knew that if that was what I had to be to get his phone number then I was. He was the first person “like me” I had ever met Being “gay” was complicated. I like John Boswell’s (1980) definition of the term. He defined gay as admitting socially, or publicly, that you were attracted to your own sex, and that seemed to fit perfectly with me, but the more I learned about “gay men” and 2 what it meant to be “gay”, the further it took me from my family and culture of origin. As presented to me being “gay” was about a lot more than just whom you were attracted to. It was about camp and musicals, and a set of values that were new and not necessarily relevant to me. I think that for some time I tried really hard to be “gay”. But I knew that culturally it meant a lot of things that didn’t make any sense to me. At some point I realized that “gay” was not really what I was, but there wasn’t any viable alternative for me. Somewhere along the line I read James Baldwin’s Go Tell It on the Mountain (1963), and there was something in his work that resonated with me. His queer person of color mindset, and descriptions of desire fit mine, but his works were historical artifacts to me, and there was definitely an incongruity in his discussion of African-American experiences of the church and spirit and my own experiences as a second-generation Mexican Catholic. I appreciated James Baldwin, but I couldn’t see where his experiences fit into my life.