‘It’s not me, it’s USyd’: the hostile history behind campus inaccessibility / p. 13

SCA’s ‘I am my Is it what it is, or is it what Why Pauline Hanson should own guardian’ it’s not? It isn’t, is it? Or is it become an Asian lesbian mural / p. 16 neither? Surely not / p.9 cyborg before 2050 / p. 10 S2W9 / FIRST PUBLISHED 1929 PUBLISHED S2W9 / FIRST

HONI SOIT LETTERS

to publish it, so the argument that Acknowledgement of Country Fan mail they have to give platform to any- Angry Internet Citizen thing is false. A lot of people seem to be missing Kane We acknowledge the traditional custodians of this land, the Gadigal people of the Eora Nation. The University of Sydney – where we write, publish and distribute (ping Nick Conomos, Letters to the reacts only Honi Soit – is on the sovereign land of these people. As students and journalists, we recognise our complicity in the ongoing colonisation of Indigenous land. In We had an Eds last week) that this is life and Honestly why isn’t there a live chat or recognition of our privilege, we vow to not only include, but to prioritise and centre the experiences of Indigenous people, and to be reflective when we fail to. We death for us. I’m sure you thought something on the blog, I was hoping recognise our duty to be a counterpoint to the racism that plagues the mainstream media, and to adequately represent the perspectives of Indigenous students at inkling this you were being insightful and clever, We get quite the assortment of com- to see some Labor TEARS our University. We also wholeheartedly thank our Indigenous reporters for the continuing contribution of their labour to our learning. but this is queers being beaten up, ments on our Facebook page. Here are Kane H might happen spat on, shouted at, killed. We do some unedited highlights from the invis- Kane we literally live in the same not have a requirement to hear big- ible world beyond paper. house why aren’t we having a live Who made this Dear Honi, oted views – that’s insane. And yet, chat Editorial Contents Last week I was delighted to see we hear them daily. We’ve heard the Which came Axeris S the finalists’ entries in the ‘Automated’ fuck out of those views, they need Playing “would you rather?” is fun. There are few Letters / 3 edition happen? writing competition. I found the zero more hearing. better ways to spend your time, really, than spinning pieces interesting and thought-pro- I challenge anyone who thinks we first: the chicken Kids these an elaborate and impassioned argument for why News and analysis / 4 Editors-in-Chief: Natassia Chrysanthos & Ann Ding voking. However, I was somewhat need to grow a spine, be nicer, learn you would rather have finger-length toes than toe- taken aback by the spread on pages a ‘lesson’: be assaulted in the street, or the eggplant? days... Editors length fingers, for example. Opinion / 7 16 and 17 which was printed entirely have your family reject you, be told Sure, the exercise itself is pointless, because you’ll Nick Bonyhady Kishor Napier-Raman black with white text. While I appre- by doorknockers that you are sin by love the landsdown but what’s the This will help young supporters of likely never be confronted with these choices. But it Long read / 10 Jayce Carrano Siobhan Ryan ciate the eye-catching style you were your very existence, hear you should deal with them having eggplant coal make a more informed choice means you’re projecting yourself into a world that Justine Landis-Hanley Michael Sun going for, I did not appreciate the be burnt at the stake. Then, tell me parma (at $17!) and no chicken on which university cares most about doesn’t exist — into dreams, fantasy, a distant and Longer read / 11 Aidan Molins Maani Truu thick smudges of black ink that were we need to be nicer. Would you tell parma working class Australia. perfect future — and is one of few exercises to sponta- smeared all over my hands as I read a female-identifying person they Lara S Australian Youth Coal Coalition Contributors neously generate genuine empathy. It also means try- Creative / 14 the paper. Also, one must wonder how should listen to the ‘opposing view’ Vegetarian imperalism ing your darnedest to imagine life with finger-length Maxim Adams, Dominic Bui Viet, Eolith Chala, Sam- much extra ink must have been used up that they deserve less pay? To just Matthew C Cunning toes; a worthwhile use of time if ever there was one. Culture / 16 uel Chu, Robin Eames, Pranay Jha, Erin Jordan, for this gimmick, considering how many be nicer and maybe they’ll listen? To Your friends can try and convince you of the oppo- Elijah Fink, James Holloway, Marlena Lutz-Hughes, hundreds of issues were printed. Was settle down, because they’re causing RIP(pa) site — the unrivalled and indisputable virtues of having Sport / 17 Theo Murray, Amy Russell, Zoe Stojanovic-Hill, the environmental impact worthwhile? ‘division and conflict’? schemes afoot toe-length fingers — and there’s a fiery benign opposi- Courtney Thompson, Joseph Verity, Mary Ward, I think next time save this sort of I would like to know, truly, how I feel so sorry for peole who didn’t tionalism that is borne of these moments. It’s obvious Automated winners / 18 Christine Wei, and Alan Zheng. thing for the website, where you won’t you think I should respond to some- live near a red rooster. Sure you may I have perfected the amount of dress that having finger-length toes is superior (think of the disturb the environment or the clean- one looking me in the eyes and be rich, have harbor views but you pant to fold up + strategic sitting po- Artists dexterity!), and when one takes up the task of persua- Regulars / 20 liness of my hands. I’d hate for this to saying queers should be burnt at can’t easily access a classic rippa roll sition to reveal my sock print to any sion thoughtfully and patiently, some people can be Robin Eames, Michael Lotsaris, Rebekah Mazzocato, be a blot on your reputation. the stake. How should I have re- so who is really worse off unassuming victim in a meeting convinced they are wrong. Puzzles / 20 Ms. Saffaa and collaborators, and Jess Zlotnick. Sam Stove sponded? Just so I know what to do Georgia M Keegan T With that in mind, here are some more: Engineering/Arts for next time. I don’t know how else Would you rather get a papercut every time you Caseworkers / 21 except with anger and cold terror. If touched a piece of paper or find an eyelash in your you think you’d do differently, you Got mail? Or a gatho? eye every time you blinked? SRC reports / 22 haven’t thought it through. Would you rather have to eat all food at scald- ‘We’re angry and I don’t understand when people Send your irreverent We’re always after new ing hot temperatures (including conventionally cold SUPRA pages / 24 say ‘exemplify the change you wish responses and reverent events for our ‘What’s On This foods) or at 2 degrees Celsius (including hot foods)? hurt and tired to see… others will come to under- Would you rather a gecko-like ability to walk on any The Garter Press / 26 and sad’ stand’ – not only is that patronising rants to editors@honisoit. Week’ section (see approx. 10 surface, no matter the incline, or be able to roll up and as hell, but what do you think we’ve com by 12pm each Friday cm below). If you’re hosting barrel down the road like a gigantic armadillo? been doing for forever? We’re not Would you rather every movie you watch slowly Free speech is not freedom to perse- a recent development. We’ve been for publication. Keep it under a USyd-related shindig that Cover image by Ms. Saffaa and Molly Crabapple transitioned into Shrek, or every song you listen to cute. Freedom of religion includes around as long as you have. You 300 words and include your might go underappreciated, transitioned into All Star? NC & AD Honi Soit, Week 9 Edition, Semester 2, 2017. freedom from religion. We don’t have are the worst kind of ally – a fedora to quietly cajole and beg equality out wearer who holds a door open for name, degree, year, and the send the details to editors@ Disclaimer: Honi Soit is published by the Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney, Level 1 Wentworth Building, City Road, University of Sydney NSW 2006. of you. We don’t have to be kind to de- someone once and then expects to number, CVC, and expiry date honisoit.com and we’ll see The SRC’s operation costs, space and administrative support are financed by the University of Sydney. Honi Soit is printed under the auspices of the SRC’s directors of serve equal protection under the law. be praised. You voted yes? Gee wow student publications: Nina Dillon-Britton, Pranay Jha, Isabella Pytka, William Ryan, Katie Thorburn, and Adam Ursino. All expressions are published on the basis that they are We didn’t bring this on ourselves by thank you, sir. Did you also vote for of your favourite credit card. what we can do. not to be regarded as the opinions of the SRC unless specifically stated. The Council accepts no responsibility for the accuracy of any of the opinions or information con- not being nice enough. desegregation? For suffrage? tained within this newspaper, nor does it endorse any of the advertisements and insertions. Please direct all advertising inquiries to [email protected]. Honi has editors, whose job is This isn’t about getting a ring and to edit. You could argue that they a piece of paper. We’re so angry and have to publish what students put hurt and tired and sad. forward. I’d argue a higher respon- Joshua Brent What’s on this week sibility. If some nutjob sent a letter PhD II extolling the virtues of gay conver- According to your friend who won’t stop talking about podcasts they listened to. sion therapy, we’d expect them not

Meco Ball: Casablanca PhotoSoc’s ALTER exhibition Wipeout (Verge Festival) SUDS & Verge Present: (kerberos) in chaos Tech Workshops (Verge Festival)

When: Thursday October 5, 7pm When: Saturday October 7, 6pm When: Monday October 9, 10am When: Monday Sept 9 - Wednesday Sept 11, 9pm When: Tuesday October 10, 10am Where: Della Hyde, Oxford Street Where: Tap Gallery, Surry Hills Where: Front Lawns Where: Reading Room, Holme Building Where: JFR Building Price: MecoSoc Member $65 | Access $75 | Price: Access $5 | Non-Access $10 Price: Free Price: SUDS Members $3 | Access $5 | Price: Free Non-Access $85 Concession $7 | General $10

Oh man, you know how much I love media re- You know I’ve always been more of an auditory Now I’m not quite sure about the details of this SUDS, the drama society, always put on a good This workshop looks great, seems like you lated events. Admittedly this ball is more of an person but Photosoc has had some really great event, but from what I can gather they’re setting show and this one looks like a particularly in- get to try out a little bit of everything: virtual occasion to get wasted but doing so surrounded exhibitions in the past. This one’s looking like it’ll up some sort of slip-and-slide Wipeout-style ob- tense, unique affair with only two cast members reality, 3D printing, and even coding. Maybe by other people interested in media sounds fan- be particularly interesting with the ‘alter’ theme stacle course on the Front Lawns. I can’t say I’m and an original work. The graphic design pro- I can finally work out how to make that app tastic! And the media and communications so- — lots of different ways to interpret that. Actu- particularly agile (except when it comes to navi- moting the show has been pretty great too. I was idea I was telling you about. You know, the ciety has really outdone themselves with the ally I was listening to a podcast recently about gating the podcasts app of course) but this looks actually listening to a podcast about graphic de- one where you can play two podcasts at once, Casablanca theme. Such a fantastic film. Well, I alter egos. I can’t quite remember which podcast like a blast. And I recently listened to a podcast sign just now. Some people say graphic design is one in each ear? I bought a second phone just haven’t actually watched it to be honest but I did it was. It was definitely one of the behaviour psy- that stressed the need for pushing yourself out better explored in mediums other than podcasts so I could play two at once but I just feel like listen to a review of it recently on a podcast called chology podcasts I’ve listened to. Don’t worry I’ll of your comfort zone so I might as well give it a like video or something, but I think that spend- an app would be a bit easier. One podcast at a ‘The Film Slate’. You should give it a listen! look it up for you and send you the link. shot, right? ing minutes describing things that could be por- time just isn’t enough for me anymore. trayed visually in seconds actually improves the experience. It’s about the intellectual interactiv- ity, the participatory pleasure.

2 3 NEWSROOM ELECTIONS 2017 What the SRC results mean for this year’s RepsElect SAMUEL CHU / How will everyone’s favourite political circus go down this year? Electoral Officer’s Report

The 2017 Students’ Representative jie Sun, there are indications that some factional history supports the possibility good councillor connections in order Council (SRC) elections have con- of the eight elected Panda councillors that Unity will ultimately join a Liberal to pass through a fragmented Council. Students’ Representative Council, cluded, and the results are in: Imogen may choose to work with Switch and coalition in exchange for positions: in Case in point: this year’s SRC electoral Grant (Grassroots) will be your 2018 the broad left instead. Yi (Michael) Man 2015, Unity headkicker Robby Magyar regulations changes, steered through SRC President, and the 2018 SRC Coun- was associated with Zhixian Wang’s tried to deal with the Liberals in ex- by both General Secretaries and a University of Sydney cil is majority left-leaning. USU Board campaign, which was sup- change for their support in his bid to General Executive. So, that’s it, right? Not so fast. ported by Switch-aligned USU President become the National Union of Students’ If the broad left can obtain and main- A closer look at this year’s results Courtney Thompson and USU Honorary (NUS) General Secretary at that year’s tain a solid majority through RepsElect, shows an ideologically diverse and Treasurer Yifan Kong, a former Soli- National Conference. In 2016, senior Grant should find it easier to continue highly fragmented Council, which will darity member who ran on their 2015 Unity figures masterminded the Stand the SRC’s progressive tradition in her I declare the following persons elected: STUDENTS’ REPRESENTATIVE COUNCIL (CONT’D): radically affect this year’s RepsElect Stop Abbott, Not the Boats ticket. Mean- Up/Ignite coalition with the moderate term as President. meeting (where the other Executive po- while, Panda’s Winston Ma was a 2016 Liberals for that year’s SRC election (re- If the Liberals can scramble together R Andrew Lee sitions, such as Vice President and Gen- Grassroots SRC candidate, and — with member “Isabella Brook for President, a majority, all bets are off. PRESIDENT: Imogen Grant eral Secretary, and Office Bearers are the support of Switch councillors — was Ed McCann for VP”?), and ended up SUPPORTED BRENDAN MA (16) elected), and the 2018 SRC as a whole. elected to the Student Housing Officer dealing with centre-right Liberals at the T Maya Eswaran As President, Imogen Grant will face position at 2016’s second RepsElect. first RepsElect meeting.* HONI SOIT: No Declaration. the Council shown on the right. However, things are not stable within Vision Vision Vision Vision POSSIBLE REPSELECT COALITIONS Notable is the 16-strong Liber- the coalition of elected broad left coun- Awaiting appeal with Electoral Legal Arbiter. V Steven Wu* al-aligned presence (those who sup- cillors. The public airing of grievances How RepsElect will play out this year ported Brendan Ma) on the 2018 Coun- within SLS has not only fractured the hinges on three questions: Will the Vision Vision Vanguard Liberal cil, which is a marked increase from faction, but the relationship between independent Panda councillors form NUS DELEGATES: 7 in order of election: V Winston Ma* the five Liberal-aligned councillors on SLS and councillors from Unity, NLS, a voting bloc to support the Liberals? the 2017 Council. This means that the and Switch. Several active members Will Unity stay with the broad left? Adam Boidin “broad left” (every faction except the of SLS left the faction following the Will the broad left be able to negotiate Panda Panda Panda Panda V Aaron Yi* Liberals) only has a one-seat majority council elections. While one remaining terms for a coalition at RepsElect, and Edward McCann on the 2018 Council. member is on this council, the freshly if so, how? Eleanor Morley minted ex-SLS comrades have a larger Thus, the three most likely coalitions V HanYun Ding* IT’S NOT EASY BEING GREEN representation (two councillors); given for RepsElect are as follows: Panda Panda Panda Panda It will be tricky for Imogen Grant to the bad blood, they may not feel very • Switch (7) – Labor (8) – Panda (2- Justine Amin obtain a politically friendly (left-wing) comfortable supporting one another for 4), for a total of 17-19; John Sorras AC George Bishop Executive to work with as President positions during RepsElect. Given SLS • Switch (7) – Labor (8) – SAlt (2), SUPPORTED BELLA PYTKA (8) due to the 2018 Council’s strong Liberal formed an unsuccessful voting bloc with for a total of 17 (this coalition could Connor Wherrett presence and the fraught composition of Unity and the Liberals during RepsElect add Panda to boost its total); or NLS NLS Labor Labor Lily Campbell AK Tom Manousaridis both the broad left and the Liberals. in 2015, they may be willing to support • Vision (6) – Centre-Right Liberals The Liberals’ 16 councillors include a Liberal-led coalition this time around. (1) – Vanguard (1) – Panda (6-8) – figures such as David Wan, the ticket Meanwhile, according to a recent Unity (3), for a total of 17-19. AL Jazzlyn Breen head of Vanguard. Although Vanguard article in Pulp, the Socialist Alternative SLS Unity Unity Unity STUDENTS’ REPRESENTATIVE COUNCIL: is not officially a part of Vision, Wan’s (SAlt) have expressed their desire to re- HOW WILL THIS AFFECT GRANT’S Moderate Liberal factional affiliation tain the Education portfolio, to the dis- PRESIDENCY? 33 to be elected. SUPPORTED IMOGEN GRANT (9) AP Kim Murphy ties him closely to a possible Liberal may of several broad left members. In Without a supportive and consen- Those elected are listed below by voting bloc at RepsElect. This could 2016, SAlt’s two councillors gave them sus-building Executive or Council, the ticket order on the ballot paper. be awkward for Vision, which notably significant negotiating power with the Grant will have difficulty implement- Switch Switch Switch Switch AQ Brandon Hale tried to distance itself from Vanguard 17-strong Labor bloc before the second ing many of her campaign promises. during campaigning after Honi re- RepsElect, earning SAlt veteran April Her cornerstone policy of securing A Kida Lin ported a Holocaust denier was running Holcombe the role of co-Education funding for a sexual assault-focused AS Manning Jeffrey on Wan’s ticket. Officer. They are not in as strong a ne- solicitor will need to be supported by Switch Switch Switch SAlt One would assume that Manning Jef- gotiating position this time around: it General Secretaries that can persuade C Timothy Berney-Gibson* frey, a centre-right Liberal who ran on would be near impossible to see SAlt the University at the Student Services AY Yuxuan Yang* the Liberal ticket, would be supportive support the Liberals, which would be and Amenities Fee (SSAF) negotiating SAlt of a Liberal coalition. However, after los- their only other option if the rest of the table. However, given Brendan Ma’s C Mitch Gordon ing control of the campus Liberal Club in broad left rejects their demands. support for this policy, a Vision-aligned DISCLAIMER: The author supported the AY Yi Man* mid-2016, centre-right Liberals have at While members of Unity have pub- General Secretary would hopefully fa- Labor-Liberal coalition during last year’s times acted as independent free agents licly applauded Imogen Grant’s ascen- cilitate this as well. D Harry Gregg SRC elections, the Grassroots-Labor — even supporting a Switch-led coali- sion to the Presidency, there have been Grant’s stipend reform proposal bloc at RepsElect last year, and Switch tion at the first 2016 RepsElect meeting. rumours that a senior Unity member ap- will require SRC regulations changes, AY Hao Zhou* during this year’s SRC elections. He is an Despite having been managed by Lib- proached Liberal candidates mid-elec- and thus needs to be negotiated by E Sarah Cutter-Russell independent. eral-aligned USU Board Director Heng- tion to discuss RepsElect deals. Unity’s a consensus-building Executive with AY Zixuan Wei* F Liam Thorne Universities’ advertising spending surges BA Sean Young G William Edwards NICK BONYHADY BB Liam Donohoe*

The University of Sydney’s new ‘Un- the message that it will teach them University of Sydney’s homepage. Ser- The University of Sydney will be I James Gibson learn’ marketing campaign is part of a to challenge long-held beliefs about vices for current students and staff fea- hoping that it does not prove too pow- BH Chanum Torres surge in marketing expenditure from health, medicine and robots, among ture only in a small grey bar at the top. erful. The University of Western Syd- universities around the country. other topics. Sydney’s campaign will contest ney revised its brand when it changed K Hersha Kadkol Data from the advertising track- Barbara Humphries, creative direc- against UTS’s revamped brand, which its name to Western Sydney University BI Seth Dias* ing firm Standard Media Index (SMI) tor at advertising firm The Monkeys, emphasises tech-inspired design from in 2015, while Macquarie and UNSW shows that the higher education sec- said, “This is a bold direction for the Houston Group. The branding in- seem content with their current images. N David Wan* tor is poised to spend more than it did University to take and a perfect exam- cludes graphics that visualise student, Both UTS and USyd’s advertising Those names marked with an * were elected with a full quota. in 2015 — itself a record year. ple of their Leadership for Good po- research and faculty data. aligns with a widespread trend toward Each year, the sector does little ad- sitioning. Unlearning can take us to Houston’s founder Stuart O’Brien online advertising. O Tim Seguna vertising until August, when year 12 places conventional learning can’t.” said, “UTS’s commitment and open- According to SMI, more than 40 Paulene Graham. students start seriously considering It is not clear how ‘Unlearning’ does ness allowed the project to define per cent of education advertising is di- their choice of university. that, or what it is, though its boldness itself and evolve into a design and rected to digital advertisers like Face- P Bella Pytka* This year, USyd has sought to sell is clear in one sense. creative outcome that is both unique book, Snapchat and Google. Authorised by P. Graham, Electoral Officer 2017, its new curriculum to students with The ‘Unlearn’ branding dominates the and powerful.” Students’ Representative Council, University of Sydney Q Caitlin McMenamin Phone: 02 9660 5222 | www.src.usyd.edu.au 4

NEWSROOM PODIUM How reforms go wrong USyd drags its feet on divestment ALAN ZHENG / The practical reality of electoral reform in the SULS constitution AMY RUSSELL / Activist groups are seeking to expose the ties between universities and the fossil fuel industry

In Semester 2, 2016, the winds of the following year’s executive were face and communicated further via ited democratic mandate. The vast sations are also investing heavily in ways lead to concrete action and we reform swept through the oversized elected unopposed. email with another 27 interested majority of the Law School has no say building renewable energy sources encourage USyd to provide full disclo- glass aquarium on Eastern Avenue. Reforms were subsequently made students. in their election and there is no filter and we know that some non-fossil sure so that stakeholders can measure The then-incumbent Sydney Univer- to neutralise allegations of exclusiv- The new prospectus system has cer- for those who are blatantly inexperi- fuel producers are actually heavy car- progress and not promises.” sity Law Society (SULS) Executive ity and ensure interested candidates tainly been a step in the right direction enced, unfit, or not serious about the bon emitters”. The Fossil Free USYD group sus- circulated a public Call for Comment were not barred from an inaccessible towards inclusivity. It enables low- responsibility and position. Without a USyd’s 2017 Investment Policy re- pects that the reason behind the lack of amongst the approximate 3,200 law and nepotistic ticket system which SES students and those who live far public face, the incoming SULS presi- quires external investment managers transparency and resistance to proper students currently enrolled at Sydney had filled every position by the cam- away from campus to engage in SULS dent, a position which is symbolic for to “consider the overall carbon foot- divestment may be due to monetary Law School, all of whom are auto- paigning period’s commencement. A by nominating individually as pres- its ability to set the tone and strategic print intensity of the investments” and other ties with the fossil fuel in- matic members of SULS. The Call for ‘Prospectus Model’ was introduced ident, or by submitting applications direction of one of campus’ largest and and measure “the carbon footprint dustry. Some of these ties lie outside Comment chiefly proposed alternative into Appendix 1 of the SULS Constitu- for other executive positions to an ad- most active societies, has even more intensity of the listed equity sectors of investments, and have been illu- election models as a shift from tradi- tion. It requires all aspiring presiden- vertised presidential candidate. These limited accountability to students, of the relevant investment funds and minated by the release of Fossil Free tional ticket-based platforms, which, tial candidates to submit an expres- are students who may otherwise not having not seen themselves through benchmarking against the carbon Universities’ #ExposeTheTies report. akin to Honi Soit elections, require sion of interest prior to nominations have the capacity to attend late-night a period of campaigning. It becomes footprint intensity of broader mar- They may include donations, research students to collectively nominate for for other positions. Nominees would networking events and competitions. possible that a sole presidential nom- ket indices”. The weakness of this funding, scholarships and personal fifteen core executive positions, in- publish their general vision, specific The reforms also included a provision inee can unilaterally select the next Image: Michael Lotsaris. requirement has been met with criti- relationships between university man- cluding president, vice president, sec- policies and contact details, to be cir- which ensures candidates submitting core SULS executive without any for- Fossil Free is a global student move- tion with Greenpeace, to get the Uni- cism from students, spurring the #Di- agement and industry. For example, retary and treasurer, on a creatively culated throughout the Law School by a residential expression are not bound mal accountability. ment that calls for divestment, asking versity to rule out investments in the vestTheRest campaign. the University has “major research and named ticket. the Electoral Officer. No person could to run as president and can still nom- Despite a prolonged campaigning universities to cease investing in the fossil fuel industry — such as their The University’s 2015 commitment commercialisation ventures” with Rio Amongst other things, the Call nominate for president unless they inate for a different position. These period, only around 25 per cent of the fossil fuels industry, including oil, gas “minority stake in Whitehaven Coal” also contained an assurance that it Tinto, such as the Rio Tinto Centre for for Comment proposed a shift to the submitted an expression. Functionally, provisions aim to avoid deterring stu- total Law School voted in the 2016 and coal extraction companies. The — in a similar fashion to their ban on would “measure and publicly report Mine Automation (RTCMA); hosts a UNSW Law Society model of individual no ticket could therefore form unless dents passionate to get involved who, SULS election.The outcome of the movement aims to utilise the status of investment in tobacco companies. progress towards this goal annually.” Cooperative Research Centre for min- nominations, where the potential Ex- at least one member of the ticket had for reasons often outside their control, prospectus model begs the question universities as prominent public insti- In February 2015, the University However, the first ‘report’ to be pub- ing; and conducts geo-science excur- ecutive self-nominate and run wholly nominated for president. The aim of are less able to access the opportuni- of whether an automatically elected tutions and leaders in public opinion, announced a commitment to reduce licly released was six months late, and sions with industry that are aimed at independent and discrete campaigns. these reforms was to increase trans- ties provided by SULS. SULS executive might have an even in order to challenge the social license its overall investment portfolio emis- its format obscures how alleged pro- encouraging early geo-science majors This model was ultimately rejected. parency to the electoral process, culti- However, it appears the reforms lesser mandate. A provision mandat- of the fossil fuel industry. sions by 20 per cent by 2018. It pro- gress has been achieved. In an email to to pursue a career in fossil fuels. The Firstly, it prevented enforcement of the vating a two-way relationship between have failed to sufficiently contemplate ing an extension of time for residen- Recently, Kings College in Lon- moted this move as the University Fossil Free USYD in April 2016, Prov- students in the Fossil Free group ques- Affirmative Action requirements in the candidates and tickets, and enabling a situation where only one presiden- tial expressions of interest in the event don has become the 26th university taking a “leadership position on car- ost Stephen Garton acknowledged tion the University’s ability to consider SULS Constitution; a problem which students outside of law school cliques tial nominee issues an expression of only one person nominates for presi- in the United Kingdom to fully di- bon reduction”, and was covered fa- that the University had been “remiss the best interests of their students and arose in the 2016 UNSW Law Society to get involved by contacting prospec- interest and is therefore instantly dent may counteract this situation. vest. Closer to home, Queensland vourably by the media. However, this in communicating this progress”. staff while these ties allow the fossil elections that anointed 11 male-identi- tive presidential candidates to discuss ‘elected’ by default. In this case, no In addition, greater promotion of the University of Technology and La Trobe statement contained no commitment While the University reported hav- fuel industry to have influence over fying students and three female-identi- their own policy ideas in a bid to join other ticket can nominate to force an ability to nominate for president with- have announced their commitments to divest from fossil fuels, with such a ing achieved 40 per cent of its 20 per the University’s internal management. fying students. It also failed to address tickets. The previously private process election, because in order to nominate out binding oneself to the position in to fully divest. strategy dubbed a “blunt instrument” cent reduction target ahead of time, the core concern of ‘shoulder-tapping’ of ticket-forming reliant on personal for president, another candidate must the lead up to the opening of presi- At the University of Sydney, dur- compared to the University’s “whole it it has been criticised by the Asset Amy Russell is part of Fossil Free and popularity-type contests behind connections and networks was forci- have issued an expression of interest. dential expression may attract partici- ing the 2014 SRC election, a referen- of portfolio approach”. Sara Watts, Owners Disclosure Project (AODP) for USYD. If you are interested, you can tickets formed from incumbent Execu- bly shifted into a more public space. The issues with this are obvious. In the pants across the Law school. Elections dum was held in which 80 per cent former Vice-Principal (Operations), a lack of transparency. Dr John Hew- find Fossil Free USYD on Facebook tives, Law Revue Cast and Subcommit- With a week and a half to go before last three years, two SULS presidents are important democratic theatres of students voted ‘yes to divest’. This justified the University’s continued son, chair of the AODP, stated: “This and join their group, or email usydfos- tee Members, as was the case with last the closure of nominations, Ann Wen, have been elected unopposed, owing that see a scrutinised battle of ideas, followed from lobbying efforts by the investment in fossil fuel companies is encouraging but as AODP found [email protected] to get in contact. year’s tickets ‘Spark’ and ‘Game’. currently the sole presidential candi- to the structural difficulties creating visions and interests in full view of the Fossil Free USYD group, in collabora- to the ABC, saying, “Those organi- last month, media releases don’t al- In 2014 and 2015, the strength date, reports that she has personally tickets that the reforms were intended broader School. It’s ultimately impor- of the SULS clique meant that met 13 interested students face-to- to resolve. Such a president has a lim- tant that they are preserved. In defence of the digital prison cell Ombudsman speaks out against international ERIN JORDAN / If the purpose of incarceration is to reduce recidivism then we can’t allow prisoners to be left behind in the digital revolution Imagine a world without Facebook. literate, and physically connected believes this type of regular access to ting crimes. student workplace exploitation Without the constant stream of holi- to computers on a regular basis, is online communication could be specif- Digitising the cell may seem like a day photos and check-ins, you have to something Former Supreme Court ically utilised in NSW prisons to help tough task to take on; how can we bal- JOSEPH VERITY / ‘Students need to know there is a minimum wage,’ says 2018 SRC Councillor Steven Wu mail a letter or use a landline to find Judge John Dowd believes should be prisoners gain additional access to ance security of the community with out what your loved ones have been a priority for the NSW government. counseling services. Access to online the evident benefits that the digital The Fair Work Ombudsman has released vised ‘Anonymous Report’ function nese restaurant, he gets paid $10 an exchange for more hours. getting up to. No Skype either. Or Face- There is already a precedent for this: counseling services is estimated to world would provide? The program’s an open letter to over half a million in- on its website, allowing students to hour and works 30–40 hours a week, Alongside the pressure imposed by time. Or even Google. No Wikipedia; prisons in the ACT have been able to reduce domestic violence recidivism success in the ACT is a good indica- ternational students across Australia make a report in one of 16 different but only gets paid for 20,” Wu told Honi. visa limitations, the cost of living in Syd- if you want to quickly find something permit regular access to computers rates by 30 per cent. tor of its potential future in NSW, and, in an effort to raise awareness around languages. The feature was prompted “He doesn’t want to have his Visa can- ney poses a threat to the livelihood of out you have to start flicking through through a program that supplies in- There are barely any jobs in the 21st as Dowd states, “prisoners in NSW workplace rights, urging visa holders by reports that 60 per cent of interna- celled. It’s really bad.” international students. Rental prices in books. As people who grew up during mates’ cells with individual laptops. century where digital literacy is not a are not necessarily different to the who suspect they are being mistreated tional students believed that contest- Wu was elected to the 90th SRC in Sydney rose by 4.8 per cent in the first the digital revolution, can you imagine The program has been positively cor- prerequisite. It therefore seems logical prisoners in the ACT.” Security chal- by employers to assert their right to fair ing workplace mistreatment would late September along with seven other quarter of 2016 — the largest increase a time before these things existed? related with a reduction in recidivism that we would want inmates to pos- lenges could be tackled similarly, and working conditions. either achieve nothing, or exacerbate representatives from Panda associated since 2011 — whilst energy prices have For some, this is a reality. rates in the ACT. sess the necessary skills required for equally as effectively. In-built filters The message is part of a coordinated the situation. tickets, a coalition focused on interna- risen by up to 20 per cent since July. Currently, prisoners in NSW are Individualised access to computers available jobs when they leave prison. and restricted access to Internet sites effort to combat worker exploitation, Despite only accounting for 2 per tional students’ interests. Wu said it was The appeal from Fair Work comes severely restricted in their access to has boosted inmates’ connection to Skills that may seem simple to us, are some of the measures taken by an issue pertinent to visa holders who cent of all requests for assistance to his goal to coordinate with the Univer- at a time of particular turbulence for computers and their connection to the their family and friends. Prisoners can like using Microsoft Office, have to be PrisonPc, the company responsible for suspect speaking out may jeopardise Fair Work, underpaid international sity of Sydney Union (USU) to advocate all young Australian workers. Earlier World Wide Web. Inmates receive ac- e-mail an approved list of contacts, in learned and maintained, particularly distribution of the laptops. their right to study and work in Aus- students account for almost a quarter for workplace rights. this year, the Fair Work Commission cess to computers under a strict sched- a similar to how telephone access is when technology is rapidly evolving. Time spent in prison is often de- tralia. The letter, published in late Sep- of visa related litigations lodged by “Students need to know there is a ruled in favour of a cut to penalty rates, ule — usually around three hours in currently managed, and expect to re- Increased access to educational scribed as “dead time”, meaning it is tember, offers information for students the Ombudsman. minimum wage,” he said. meaning that workers in retail, hospital- the morning — and only under super- ceive a response within five minutes. resources, however, is the main ben- wasted. Considering this, personal working in Australia under a student Last year, a Sydney cleaner was pe- The minimum wage for part time em- ity and fast food have had their wages vision. This schedule works one-way, Each email is checked by prison staff efit of instituting laptops in cells. Re- computers can offer considerable ad- visa, which limits work to 20 hours nalised more than $11,000 for under- ployment is currently $18.29 an hour, decreased on public holidays, such as meaning inmates cannot exceed their for security purposes, so larger emails moving the boundaries of enforced vantages to make prisoners’ time pro- per week, and encourages students to paying staff by almost $3,000, while in with workers on a student visa capped last weekend’s Labour Day. Night time allotted time but can often have that with attachments can be delayed by schedules allows inmates to engage ductive. If our modern justice system report mistreatment. August, an international student em- at 20 hours work per week. This allows penalty rates were also cut for fast food time cut short if there are too few staff. a couple of days. But this almost in- in tertiary or TAFE courses. Laptops in is to continue to at least pretend to “If there’s a problem with your pay ployed at a pizza chain was underpaid minimum wage workers to earn a max- workers, a move likely to disproportion- Priority of access is given to those who stantaneous communication grants cells can still be shut down automati- operate under the guise of wanting or if other issues arise at your work, I almost $5000. imum of $365.80 a week, or $19,021 a ately affect full time students. are illiterate, and as resources aren’t inmates a greater sense of connection cally by prison staff at curfew hours, to produce rehabilitated and well- encourage you to speak to us,” it reads. Recently elected member of the year. The Department of Immigration overflowing, not everyone who needs with the outside world; one that will but these hours “in-cell” are extended rounded citizens, then this type of “Under an arrangement with the Students’ Representative Council and Border Protection stipulates that The Fair Work Ombudsman offers free a computer is granted one. Inmates help many when it is time to integrate beyond normal “exercise hours”, and program must be developed and im- Department of Immigration Border (SRC), Steven Wu, lamented the annual living costs in Australia amount consultation and requests for assis- undertaking tertiary level courses are back into society. Studies have proven inmates can remain connected much plemented in NSW. Protection and my agency we can offer ubiquity of similar stories amongst to $19,830; a contradiction which per- tance. To find out more about -work then disadvantaged, as they lack access that if prisoners can maintain key con- longer. Much like connections to one’s you some protections even if you’re in the University of Sydney interna- haps explains the reticence of inter- place rights and student visas, call 13 to the technology they need to contact nections to the outside world, they are family and friends, there is a clear Erin Jordan is an intern at Justice Ac- breach of your visa conditions.” tional students community. national students who feel they must 13 94, or visit the Fair Work website. course advisors and do the study. more likely to be successful in their correlation between higher education tion and helped compile their submis- In July, Fair Work launched a re- “I have a friend who works at a Chi- accept exploitative wage conditions in Having prisoners who are digitally rehabilitation process. Justice Dowd levels and the likelihood of commit- sion titled ‘Computers in Cells’.

6 7 PODIUM PODIUM Face-off: it is what it is Let’s talk about (not) having sex, baby COURTNEY THOMPSON / Some people are being left behind in sex positive discourse Recently, Honi has been receiving quite a bit of feedback about our face-off section — we’ve been told our topics are poorly picked and that the perspectives of each side aren’t explored to their fullest. So this week, we’re owning up to our mistakes and publishing a When I think about the first time I had penetrative tival dedicated to all things sex. When I tell people mulate in conversations that revolve around who’s sex, all I see is dick. this, their initial reaction is surprise. When we tried sex life is the “most adventurous”. Sex becomes a face-off with a relevant, worthwhile topic. We’ve also made sure to get a wide range of perspectives to reflect every possible view one Despite having dated for a month and spoken to organise an event for people who had never had competitive sport where the goal post keeps moving, can have about this fascinating subject. We hope you all appreciate our new and improved face-off section. Enjoy! at length about sex, it wasn’t until their dick was sex, we ultimately weren’t able to because of the fear and the winner is no one when we begin comparing staring at me that I decided to tell them: “while I’ve people would feel uncomfortable outing themselves. our sex lives in an attempt to assure ourselves we’re done a lot of secondary research, I’m lacking in pri- At what point do we need to stop and reassess the doing it right. mary research.” culture, if not at the point where people who have Of course, we need to be talking openly about EOLITH CHALA / It is what it is It was a confession that had been preceded by a never had sex feel shame for admitting that fact? sex. But the way we do it matters just as much as DOMINIC session with friends where I was reduced to tears Reclaiming and overtly expressing sexuality has the content. Taking the time to affirm that you don’t As it is, it is what it is. It is what it is, isn’t it? It is not what it’s not, nor what it was, nor what it will be. over whether or not I wanted to divulge this infor- been an incredibly important part of radical queer need to be having sex in order to engage in dialogues BUI VIET / It It is, rather, as it is, what it is, is it not? mation. In reality, I should have treated it like a movements, but I believe there is space to advocate about it is an important step in reducing the isolat- ELIJAH FINK / It is what it is not what For example, as it is, A is what it is, which is A. A is not B. A is not C. A is not D. A is not what benign fact similar to my love of popcorn. for kinky sex while also acknowledging that some ing effects that discussions around sex can create. is it not. A is therefore not B, because B is what it is not. A is therefore not C, because C is is not I was 21 years old when I had sex for the first people will just want to know how to masturbate. Giving space to these stories and voices — the it is what it is not. A is therefore not D, because D is what it is not. A is what it is, what it is A. time. This could be thought of as “late”, when you While the exclusion of asexual people from sex ones that don’t rely on personal experiences to pro- But what about when it is what it is not? It could be the case that A is B. A is consider that the median age of first intercourse is positive movements has been well documented, I vide insight — will result in a more nuanced under- When we say that it still what it is, it just is not what it is not. When A is not B, it is because B is not It isn’t, no? Yes. Isn’t it not? But 17. And I certainly felt like I was late. While every- think we need to be making more space for those standing of the effectiveness and accessibility of our is what it is, we really what it is. When B is what A is, then A is, as it is, B. Therefore, when A is what exactly isn’t it? Can it not be sim- one around me compared their lives to Carrie or Sa- who have never had sex — not because they are sex discourse in battling heteronormative narratives. mean that it is what it is what it is—which is B—then A is what it is—which is A. A is not what it ply: “not?” Or is it not something more mantha, I was wondering if this was how the life of asexual, but just, well, because. There are a pleth- In fact, I shouldn’t be the person writing this article. known that it is. This does is not—which is not A—but rather A is what it is—which is B. — something less? It’s not what it is not, the 40-year-old virgin started. ora of reasons why people get to certain ages and not mean that it is necessarily “But,” you object, “B is not A! What B is is what it is, which because it is what it is, which is what it isn’t. Exceptions exist, but the main assumption is that have never had sex. There are also cultural consid- what it is, for what if what we is B! And what A is is what it is, which is A! Therefore A is So what is it? people who engage in the dialogue around sex are erations for why many people feel uncomfortable, know is incomplete? I thus contend not B!” Let’s think of an example; an anti-example. having, or at least have had, sex. or unable, to speak so openly about their sex lives, to you that it is not what it is. If it What narrow mindedness! To say A is what it is— How about this (what you’re (not) reading right I’m not talking about sex education, because that or lack thereof. is, as it were, what it is, ‘A is therefore which is B—is not to say that A is what it is not. now?) This isn’t what it is: it’s about what it isn’t, happens (or, at least, should happen) with school And, to be frank, it’s not our business why some- not A’ would sound preposterous. But I B is A named B. B remains A regardless of the which is what it is. How can something be what it students who, to a large extent, have never had sex. one hasn’t had sex. But it should be our business to propose to reframe that: ‘It is known it is A, fact of its being named B. What A is is A, is not? “It” raises questions. How can anything be an- I’m talking about the dialogue that usually happens ensure our conversations include them. but therefore not A’, as a valid consequence and what A is is B. It (A) is what it is ything? If this is what it isn’t, then you are what you in leftist discourse, especially at places such as uni- That starts by talking about the shame that can of what it means to know. It’s not that it is not (A) which is what it is (B). aren’t, and the world simply isn’t. “Not” to kick up a fuss. versity. The assumption here is that we’re all fucking. come when so many of the discussions had by young what it seems, it’s just that it simply is not what it Therefore it is what it is. How can you write about what you are not? You can’t. So, It’s fed, in part, by the fact that most of the sex people are about sex, and you don’t feel like you can is. Herein lies the proof obviously, it isn’t what it is. Which is what it isn’t. Isn’t it? N’t positive media we consume involves personal anec- contribute to the conversation because you don’t To know is to experience. To experience is a sensory of Frege’s Sense and not , but not. dotes, or comes from a place of “personal experi- have a story to tell. endeavor and is therefore limited by human physiology. Reference. So it is what it isn’t. It can’t be the case that it is what it isn’t; ence”. In much of this content, the person’s experi- All of this is compounded by media that makes Senses can be tricked, senses deceive and, most of all, therefore, it is what it isn’t. Isn’t it No? Yes? B ut what exactly, is ence validates the opinions being put forward. For us believe the best sex is the weirdest, kinkiest, or senses are incomplete. Dreams, drugs, hallucinations and it not? It isn’t: Isn’t it? sn’t not, (snot knot,) big knot. So itn’s, and many subject areas, this makes sense, but the fact is most adventurous. That our lives, and particularly simulations all provide a subjective view of the world around yuo aretn’t: this isn’t, uni isn’t, nothing is, stduent p arer isn’t not, lol. you don’t need to be giving blowjobs to know they our relationships, are inherently better off if we are us; Descartes concluded that our senses were not to be trusted. Anyway. A lot of people think it isn’t what it’s not, but it is. That’s can be shit to give, and you shouldn’t need to have consistently “spicing up our sex lives”. Here’s a sexy bonus target. Minimum length 3 letters. To Kant, the “world as it is” is a world that can never be known just the way it is. So you think you are what you are, but it doesn’t had sex to be able to talk about it. Failing to consider those who aren’t having sex 25: good; 35: goooood; 45: goooooooooood. by humans. In this way, it is most certainly not what it is. We model really matter what you think, after all. Just wait until you’re alone and Before I had had sex, I directed a three-day fes- is the beginning of a long string of things that accu- Sorry we have no room for lines. and we simplify what we think that it is, unable to ever experience unwound. But there’s (always) an upside. If we are what we aren’t, what it truly is. then thank God we at least have the opportunity to To say that it is what it is, or to say with any conviction become what we are. A cross word that it is what it is not, is to know what it is. But this is to say that the knowledge we possess MARLENA LUTZ-HUGHES / Newspapers’ puzzle pages are a special spread for some is perfect, and that a human could ever CHRISTINE WEI / AIDAN MOLINS / know what it is. Thus to believe When I flip to the Honi Soit puzzle section to un- Puzzle Tournament. Newspapers have long been in- and a tradition in its own right, the puzzle finds a the alternative is to accept It is neither what it is It is both what it is and what it is not cover a full page of Sudoku puzzles, my heart sinks. undated with letters concerning events of immense perfect home. without a doubt that it nor what it is not Ugh. Sudoku. I hate Sudoku. It’s a minor issue, or cultural significance such as the crossword craze of Here’s the clincher, though: the puzzle has to be most certainly is I’d like to draw your attention to the wise words of a brave child, whose wise should be; after all, with the internet at my finger- 1924 (a real thing), and the first appearance of a right if it’s going to work the way it should. A prob- not what it Can it be that it is what it is and not what words once healed a bitterly divided nation. tips, a wealth of my preferred procrastination-ena- Sudoku in a British newspaper (prompting one com- lem requiring cultural knowledge, such as a cross- is. it is not, but also not what it is and not what it is Exhausted from the neverending civil unrest spawning from a fundamental bling puzzles are one click of a mouse away. And muter to complain that the puzzle had caused him word, will only serve to frustrate the more mathe- not? If it can indeed be this, then it cannot be what it disagreement about taco preferences, she asked her fellow citizens: “Por qué frankly, who cares? This is a student newspaper puz- to miss his train). matically inclined. One based purely on logic, such is, nor can it be what it is not. So it must be neither what no los dos?” zle section we’re talking about. Yet the lack of an So why is it that the humble newspaper puzzle as a Sudoku, will fail to provide the needed rush of it is nor what it is not. But these things make no sense! Do they This brave young girl didn’t expect to change any minds, but indeed, the anticipated word puzzle, dangling enticingly at the arouses people’s passions in a way that is perhaps accomplishment for those who can’t grasp the pro- not? nation listened and ended their hostilities. end of Honi’s pages like a literary carrot on a string, excessive for what are, in reality, amusing diversions cesses behind them (such as myself). Furthermore, if Well, think of nothing. And to this day, Mexico is a peaceful country where no violence ever occurs. is disappointing enough to dull the heady buzz of for bored office workers that can these days be made the level of challenge is too high or too low, or if the Nothing is nothing, and nothing is not something, but nothing can also *** my morning Ritalin rush and leave me empty and by a computer? The answer may be related to what standards of success aren’t clear (looking askance at be something. Something is something, and something is not nothing. Some Let’s talk quantum physics. This is a topic about which I know a fair amount, wanting. a puzzle does for us mentally and emotionally as hu- the recent Honi targets here), puzzles can’t deliver things can be nothing but most things are something. No thing can be noth- which is to say I once watched a documentary on the topic, which is to say, I Unreasonable as it may be, this feeling isn’t unfa- mans in an industrialised, developed world. A puzzle that sweet release of satisfaction that is surely the ing but no thing cannot not be something. What about this thing that cannot saw post which used a screenshot of that documentary on the Facebook page miliar. A week of cryptic-only crosswords left me bit- is not just an activity to keep us pleasantly engaged reason for their enduring popularity – indeed, for be some things? “I fucking love science”, which is to say, someone described this post to me ter; the removal of puzzle solutions was like a knife in a meaningless activity and prevent boredom, al- their presence in a newspaper at all. This thing cannot be nothing. But this thing is also not something. It can- and I forgot it. to the heart. No Target? Unthinkable. Even when I though it can certainly accomplish that. Rather, a It’s no surprise, then, that legions of puzzlers, not be nothing because nothing is nothing but in being nothing it is also This post revealed to me that at a sub-atomic level, electrons don’t occupy get what I want, it needs to be right to successfully well-crafted puzzle should present a challenge that more or less dedicated to their craft, have such strong something, and this thing is not something. This thing is not something be- space in the way we would think. They exist in clouds of space where they fill the particular niche of emotional need that news- is difficult enough engage with, but can be solved reactions to this indispensable part of the newspaper. cause some things can be nothing, but some things can also be not something, both are and are not. paper puzzles seem to satisfy. I was outraged that by its reader in a reasonable frame of time. It deliv- The promise of a personally satisfying experience and this is a thing that is that sort of thing. Still, what is this thing? “So?” You frustratedly ask aloud as you read this. “Atoms don’t matter. Honi recently stopped giving Targets custom word ers a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction that like a great puzzle is something many of us crave too This thing is not nothing, this thing is not something. This thing is no thing What do they make up? Nothing right?” goals for each puzzle – how else will I know if I’ve may otherwise rarely be obtained for readers stuck powerfully to simply let pass without inspection and that you can find and this thing is not some thing that can be found. But this “Actually,” I wisely reply, emerging from the shadows, to your surprise. won? in a mire of under-stimulating jobs, unappreciative comment. thing sounds like nothing! How can something that is some thing that is not “They make up everything.” For all my admitted excessiveness, I’m not alone bosses, endless pages of readings, and alienation nothing not also be something? What does this mean? Does it mean that the very machinations of matter in my strong feelings about the puzzle section. After from the self in a stratified society. Well, close your eyes. at the smallest scale operate in a way that proves my point? You might say all, the Sudoku incident that sparked the height of A puzzle which can be solved step-by-step, with There, there is nothing. Yet, there is no thing. There, there is not something so, yes. my ire (Sudokugate, as I’ve come to internally refer small victories along the way, is ideal, offering the but there is some thing. But how can there be nothing? You cannot see noth- *** to it) resulted from the anger of one keen Sudoku most in terms of satisfying releases of reward chem- ing but you are indeed seeing no thing. Then, it must be that it is not nothing, Let’s cut back to that brave young Mexican girl. What did she actually punter, indignant that his preferred puzzle had been icals in the brain. Who couldn’t use a few dopamine though it is nothing, nor is it something, and indeed neither is it nothing, nor say? No one knows for sure, but it is believed her famous maxim translates shafted one week in favour of a particularly large and hits after a long hour of data entry, or slogging is it not something. to: “Why don’t we have both?” impressive American-style barred crossword. For through a fifty page anthropology reading? I guess real eyes really realise real lies. You’d think we would have heeded her wisdom until this very day. But whatever reason, newspaper puzzles elicit particu- The perfectly balanced puzzle is an oasis for the unfortunately some continue to believe things are only what they are or, lar passion from their devotees. Hundreds of com- overworked office drone or stressed-out student. In conversely, what they aren’t. It’s time to finally end this. petitors flock annually to events such as the World a newspaper, which is a routine read for a coffee Sudoku Championship and the American Crossword break or suspiciously long jaunt to the toilet cubicle,

8 9 LONG READ LONGER READ Pauline and Poona: a prediction, a predicament HELL ON WHEELS ZOE STOJANOVIC-HILL / In 1997, Pauline Hanson had already unwittingly penned the key to her future success Words and Art / Robin Eames pawn, like Hung, she too could yell great cinematic and down in a sea of dark hair as the tide of PoCs one-liners, like, “there are no rights at all, beyond carries her away. Pauline cooees for help, hopelessly, those which we give you” at her subjects, all from the tragi– “Oi.” What now? Someone speaks her lan- comfort of her “ram-proof tank” (p.160). guage? Oh, it’s “crazed” Al. In The Truth, and in every waking moment of her Now Pauline is in the middle of an ever-expand- day-to-day life, Hanson claims that the world is in- ing ocean of brown people with only a terrorist for creasingly hostile to white people; in light of this, Han- company. Of course, Pauline could end her torment One Nation founder and leader Pauline Hanson, Aus- son should follow Poona’s lead in not being white. In by embracing multiculturalism — but she would lose tralia’s most brazen racist, has a vision for the future. The Truth, Hanson highlights the plight of the white by herself in the process. No, Pauline can’t let Australasia Hanson, who was first elected to parliament as an juxtaposing Poona’s character with the character of an defeat her. She must stick to her own kind; now, her independent in 1996 and returned to Canberra as a unnamed white man — let’s call him Al. own kind is just Al. One Nation senator in 2016, has come a long way Poona is famously “of multiracial descent, of Indian Pauline and Al cha-cha away the days and nights, — albeit very, very slowly. She is dawdling her way and Chinese background” (p.159). Hanson implies adrift, alone. Pauline and Al have grown close now, to the top and, at this rate, we can perhaps expect that Poona’s cultural and ethnic identity is not under fallen in love now, are to be married, n– her to come to power in 2050. Hanson has always threat because “when Australasia’s Constitution as a NO! Poona, riding a Chinese dragon, suddenly marketed herself and One Nation as the opposition to state in the United States of Asia was amended by swoops out of the sky. Her dramatic entrance is ac- change — but while social and cultural customs are the World Government Security Council to allow the companied, inexplicably, by Bollywood music, which fickle and fleeting, Hanson’s bigotry is dependable. right of entry and citizenship for any refugee or dis- really does not fit the mood. This strategy will not serve her well in the future placed person”, the “ethnic population changed to a Heterosexuals may not marry in this land, Poona because, according to Hanson’s 1997 work, The Truth Chinese and Indian mix” (p.158). screeches, metallically. — a publication penned jointly by Hanson and un- In contrast, Al is characterised as a “crazed blonde Oh Al, let’s run away, Pauline cries. named “members” of the ‘Pauline Hanson Support haired man, of a seemingly insignificant minority Where to? Poona intones, cyborgically. The World Movement’1 — unstoppable progressive forces are racial group tottering on extinction” who goes on a Government is watching, always watching. shaping Australia. According to Hanson, by 2050 “rampage of destruction” in his illegal car and “kill[s] Pauline turns to face Al. We’ll laugh and love and Australia will have become the Republic of Austral- many citizens” (pp.159-160). (Yes, the one terrorist in live on the run, until they find us. asia: a state in the United States of Asia. The World Pauline Hanson’s story is a white guy with a thing for Poona pulls out her pistol, wonders why she has a Government will have installed an Asian, lesbian cy- vehicle-ramming. Her prescience knows no bounds.) pistol when she is a cyborg — why isn’t my left arm a borg named Poona Li Hung as President of Austral- Al is lonely and mad; we can conclude that his pistol? — then shrugs, aims, fires. asia. So if Hanson wants to rule in 2050, which we loneliness has driven him mad. Admittedly, much Al cries out: Pauline, kiss m— but a halal sausage assume she does, she would do well to model herself of Al’s misery surely stems from the fact that he is shoots through their near-kiss and hits Pauline in on Poona Li Hung. Hanson must choose between her oppressed by gender equality; Hanson would nat- the face. stagnant strategy and the chance to wield real power. urally be better off than Al in 2050, by virtue of Pauline keels over in agony, as the certified meat Hanson, age 63, should consider becoming a cy- her gender, and would be respected even amongst eats into her soul. borg if she is serious about becoming president. As other women, because she is obviously empowered Poona, spare me, I’m just a man, what would I noted above, Hanson plays the political game at a as fuck. But would Hanson’s female privilege offset know! Al attempts to swim away but gets caught in geriatric pace. Without an upgrade, Hanson will die her white woes? a rip of refugees. before she has the chance to decree, or veto, or gen- Poona shoots Pauline, again and again, sausage erally unleash her wrath. This is especially true when ××× after sausage, like the morally bankrupt lesbian that we factor in the climate crisis. In The Truth, Hanson she is, until Pauline is finished. She cackles, mechani- hedges her bets on climate change and admits that Now imagine Pauline alone on streets of the capital, cally, then flies away on her dragon. “the Greenies…were right in all their predictions” Vuo Wah, “formerly Canberra, but now a suburb of Pauline is too broken to move. She just lies there, (p.159). It’s a dire situation. Poona rules that cars are the Great City stretching all the way up the Eastern in a pool of halal juice, and weeps. She tries to cry to be ‘technologically castrated,’ so they can only chug Coast of Australasia” (p.160). Pauline emerges into herself to sleep but questions haunt her all night. Why along at walking pace, before demanding a “sacrifice” the half-light of a smoggy Australasian sunset, the old did Poona have halal sausages? Is Poona Muslim? Can and banning cars outright (p.161). Hung’s predeces- Australian flag tied around her shoulders like a cape, Poona be Asian and Muslim? She howls ‘Advance Aus- sor, President Ng, “retired because of her severe res- to hunt for fish and chips. tralia Fair’ at the red Australasian moon until dawn piratory ailments” (p.158). Hanson not only presents As soon as she sets foot in town, a non-white wave breaks — until the call to prayer echoes throughout cyborgification as a survival tactic; she goes as far as sweeps her off her feet. Her little red head bobs up Vuo Wah, and drowns out her fractured lullaby. HS to call the creation of a fully-fledged robotic president “real progress” because “they will be more suitable to Australasia’s … polluted air” (159). If Hanson herself is to avoid Ng’s fate, she should heed her own intui- tion and remake herself in Poona’s image.

Hanson will only succeed if she drops the ‘authen- tic underdog’ act and bends to the will of a greater power — specifically, to the World Government. In any case, Hanson could not resist the World Gov- ernment if it is as powerful as Hanson makes out. Hung is only President because she “was felt by the World Government to be the most suitable presi- dent” (p.159). Moreover, the Government could have pressured the “joint Korean-Indian-Chinese research team” that produced Hung’s neuro-circuits to hard- wire pro-Government sentiment into her cyborgic DNA (p.159). Did the Government deem Hung “suit- able” because she is more Bureaubot than human? Only [REDACTED] knows, and if you wanted to find out, you’d have to go to [REDACTED] and see [RE- DACTED]. If Hanson becomes a World Government Art: Rebekah Mazzocato The struggle for true accessibility 1. Due to the lack of detail provided, we are forced to conclude that these “members” are in fact one “member” named Pauline Hanson. continues 42 years after the first 10 wheelchair user studied at USyd 11 LONGER READ LONGER READ ‘My professor refused to move his lectures to a wheelchair accessible building. He had assumed I’d dropped out, because I hadn’t shown up to the room I couldn’t get into’

I love my wheelchair. My wheels are rad as hell. My ‘normal’ society and I, personally, wish to be in a po- visiting Melbourne I was flabbergasted by the func- ride is a stylish manual MOGO Infinity with Round sition to help toward their acceptance and their gen- tional public transport, the proliferation of decent curb Betty wheels and a purple and green frame. The seat eral betterment.” cuts, and the generally higher commitment to meeting and backrest are specially fitted to my spine. Before I Cumberland College was not wheelchair accessi- basic accessibility standards. In Melbourne, wheelchair got my chair I was, for the most part, stuck at home. ble at the time. Baldwin had to wait outside the lec- users are frequent and unremarkable pedestrians. In My joints dislocate daily, and while walking on dislo- ture theatre for other students to carry him and his Sydney, the sight of another wheelchair user is rare cated hips is not impossible, it’s extraordinarily pain- wheelchair up the stairs. He was a skilled writer, but and kind of exciting. ful. There’s a reason my hospital patient records all wrote by laboriously picking out letters on a type- have “high fall risk” at the top. But now that I’m not writer one-handed. This prevented him from taking overexerting, trying to make my wobbly Jenga tower notes during classes, so he taped his lectures and his of a skeleton walk under its own power, I can go out stepfather transcribed them. He later went on to be- I am a year younger than the Disability Discrimination dancing in my wheelchair and stay out for hours. come a founding member of People With Disability Act (1992)(DDA), but the DDA is known to many in This said, making it through the world as a wheel- Australia, and was an early proponent of the ideas the disabled community as a “toothless tiger”. Unlike chair user is exhausting. And please don’t misinterpret that laid the foundation for the National Disability In- every other anti-discrimination law in Australia, the what I mean here: my wheelchair is a blessing. I used to surance Scheme. DDA has a clause for “reasonable exceptions”. This stagger around on crutches and canes that dislocated The global disability rights movement had been means that if a building, organisation, employer, or in- Jacob Baldwin during the Ability Trek journey around Australia. Image: National Museum of Australia. my wrists and elbows if I used them for more than a rumbling underground for nearly a century at this dividual can prove that not discriminating against dis- few minutes, and leaving the house was such a tiring point. When we are taught about Helen Keller in abled people is too difficult, too expensive, or a cause feat that I nearly absent failed my last undergraduate school, it is usually in the form of what the late and of “unjustifiable hardship”, they are granted an excep- Noa Zulman, one of the current SRC Disabilities left after a semester because the conditions were get around campus, I can’t make any now.” unit even though I was getting consistent HDs. great comedian and writer Stella Young called “inspi- tion to the law. Essentially this means that inaccessibil- Office Bearers, says that “dealing day-to-day with so dreadful. She visited recently for a guest panel For staff members, the situation isn’t much bet- The problem is not the chair itself. The problem is ration porn”: Keller is made out to be a helpless, an- ity is the norm and disabled people are expected to sue disability in a professional environment becomes an during Disability Inclusion Week and told me that ter. Dr Sheelagh Daniels-Mayes, a lecturer in Abo- that the paving stones on my street are broken to shit. imalistic youth, tragically prevented from communi- if we want to access our environment on equal terms. all-consuming task”. Noa is determined, but her out- access is still “pretty poor”. riginal education, is one of only eight blind and low The problem is that the four closest train stations to me cation by her deafblindness, and charitably aided by Appealing to the DDA is rarely fruitful: more often look is bleak. “As passionate about disability advocacy “People still routinely individualise disability vision academics in Australia. She estimates that she are all inaccessible. The problem is that pushing my- her teacher Anne Sullivan who taught her Braille and than not claims are struck down and the complainant as I am, I really don’t think I could go into it profes- as a personal problem and not systemic issue of spends about 25 extra hours a week making up for self uphill dislocates my shoulders, and power wheel sign language. And yet Keller lived to 87 and became is forced to pay legal fees on top of that. sionally. It’s so draining and a constant demand.” rights and access and a fight against discrimina- inaccessibility. Turnitin and Grade Centre are both attachments cost $9000. The problem is that I couldn’t an outspoken suffragist and radical socialist. USyd violates the DDA in hundreds of ways every- Still, even in a world where accessibility is the ex- tion,” she says. inaccessible for screen reading software, and PDF access one of my honours seminars and my professor In 1949 she visited Sydney and founded the Gordon day, but it’s impossible to file discrimination suits for ception rather than the norm, USyd lags embarrass- Many buildings do not have wheelchair accessi- documents are “sheer hell”. And, unfailingly, the advised me to drop out rather than dealing with the Davis House Youth Hostel in Stanmore. There were every building on campus. For one thing, it would ingly far behind when it comes to accessible infra- ble entrances, or wheelchair accessible amenities. cobblestones. In order to avoid them, Sheelagh’s lack of access. other disabled organisations constellated around the be even harder for disabled students to finish their structure. It’s not for lack of goodwill. Well, actually, it Some buildings do not have elevators. There are guide dog Nina insists on taking her on a rounda- In short, it’s not me, it’s USyd. university grounds, but most of them were institutional degrees in between all the lawsuits, and for another is sometimes. This year, my professor refused to move several hydraulic wheelchair ramps, but they are bout route through the Law buildings. In five years of ambulatory study, I saw only two in nature: the Weemala Home for Incurables; the Spas- thing, the courthouses are also inaccessible. his lectures to a wheelchair accessible building, de- usually either locked or broken, and nobody ever wheelchair users on campus. In my sixth year I have tic Centre, now the Cerebral Palsy Association; the Cal- “I definitely limit my time at USyd due to its inac- spite having been informed about my access require- seems to know who keeps the key or how to con- seen four more, mostly in the Assistive Technology lan Park Hospital for the Insane, founded in 1880, now cessibility,” says Gabriel. “If I do have to go to USyd ments before the start of semester. He had assumed tact them. Lab. I don’t know of any current staff members who the Sydney College of the Arts; and the New South for whatever reason, I will opt to leave my wheelchair I’d dropped out, because I hadn’t shown up to the But these are not the only issues to contend with. The committee tasked with establishing a university are wheelchair users. Wales Deaf Dumb and Blind Institution, now the In- at home and instead use a cane or crutches because room I couldn’t get into. “The campus is huge and a nightmare navigat- in Sydney in the 1840s declared that they intended This is not statistically proportional. In Australia, stitute Building, having been bought by USyd in 1961. if I am using those, stairs and cobblestones are only a Ricky Buchanan graduated from La Trobe in 1998 ing and cobblestones deserve to burn in hell,” says to create “a University which shall be accessible 20 per cent of the population is disabled. The figure By the 1960s, disability activism had blossomed into difficulty, rather than an impossibility.” and says little has changed since then. “People today Flynn. “My bendy ankles hate cobblestones, espe- to all classes”. Later, in 1876, Dr Charles Badham is 50 per cent in Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander a radical public movement in the United States. Like “I tried to get the lift upstairs to Manning Bar and are still fighting for exactly the same stuff we were cially since all the ones at USyd are on hills,” adds claimed in his Commemoration Day address that the communities. Of course, not every disabled person is a many other social causes, it began in student activism, spent a good 20 minutes waiting for the correct key fighting for twenty years ago” he says. “The technol- Sam. “I’ve twisted my ankles on them countless University of Sydney was “no inaccessible shrine for wheelchair user. But enough of us are that our absence namely at the University of California, Berkeley, where to open the door, before being told that the security ogy has changed a bit, but the actual problems are ba- times.” the glorification of a few”. And yet for the most part, at the University is disquieting. Ed Roberts and the Rolling Quads smashed their own guard couldn’t find the correct key and I would have sically the same: lecturers who don’t want to actually Other students agree: “murder on my ankles”, this promised accessibility has failed to manifest. curb cuts out of concrete, and at Gallaudet University, to take the stairs. That one instance of taking the grant the accommodations that the disability services “lovely to look at, hell to ride over”, and “the bane of The University of Sydney’s Disability Action Plan ... where deaf students barricaded the campus with up- stairs meant that I could not stand for at least the says you’re eligible for; disability services not under- my life” are choice phrases. Evander tells me that “any 2013-2018 aims to “incorporate the rights and oppor- turned buses in protest at the appointment of another next three hours.” standing what’s actually needed; people feeling like form of bumps or cobbles were frustrating. I’d be car- tunities of people with disabilities in all policies and USyd admitted their first female students in 1885: hearing president. It wasn’t until the late 70s that disa- “The stairs are a nightmare,” Saz agrees, stating accessibility is just ‘too hard’ and why should they rying a hot soup for my lunch in one hand or on my planning” and to “provide an accessible built environ- Mary Elizabeth Brown and Isola Florence Thompson. bility activism came to the forefront in Australia. Joan that the University as a whole is “alienating as fuck”. change things for just one person.” knee and any bumps meant I got scalded a lot.” ment to everyone”. The plan also commits to devel- Our first self-identifying Aboriginal students were ad- Hume had graduated from USyd in 1969 as an abled Accessible building codes have only been legally In theory, the University’s Disability Services Even the cobblestones, however, could be salvagea- oping a “best practice accessible environment” that is mitted in 1965: Charlie Perkins and Gary Williams. I student, then after breaking her neck in 1971, returned mandated since 2010, and it shows again and again: should pick up the slack, but students are often ble. “One of my favourite bits of inclusive design that “not only based on meeting legislative requirements”. don’t know who our first disabled student was. for postgraduate study as a wheelchair user. She wrote “Of course we’re accessible, but we don’t have a lift left unimpressed. I’ve seen was in the gågade (pedestrian-only city cen- Such a sentiment is admirable, but falls a little flat According to the university’s archives, the first re- that in the 70s, “Universities, post-secondary training or anything. We can carry you up the stairs though!” “Like, sure, if you have a centrally timetabled tre) in Copenhagen. The entire area is, of course, cob- considering that we don’t currently meet legislative re- cord that exists of a wheelchair-using student is Jacob colleges and other forms of higher education actively “Yes we are wheelchair accessible, but you need classroom that doesn’t meet your requirements bled, but along each side of the street, they’ve placed quirements either. Perhaps the most promising aspect Baldwin, who commenced study in 1975. Baldwin discouraged enrolment of students with disabilities”. to call up one of our staff members to unlock the they might be able to help,” Anna explains. “But if a pair of tracks of smooth tiles, for wheelchair users to of the current Disability Action Plan is that it acknowl- had cerebral palsy, which continues to affect one in Kath Duncan attended the University of Sydney goods and services entrance.” you have two tutes back to back on opposite sides travel comfortably,” says Alex Haagaard, a writer and edges that “we still have more to achieve in access and 500 Australians. In his application to study rehabili- from 1979 to 1980. For the most part she did not use “The performance is accessible, but the seats are of campus, you’re shit out of luck.” disability rights activist. inclusion”, and acknowledges that accessibility is “both tation counselling at Cumberland College, he wrote: her wheelchair on campus: “I stumped around more built in so you will need to wheel in first and park Elsa has similar qualms. “If you need something Online study is one option for students, but not an our legislative and moral duty”. “My qualifications to embark on such a course are in those days than I do now,” she says. “Unless it’s your chair on the edge of the stage.” that wasn’t on the very short list of accommoda- ideal one. “It’s really lonely doing online study,” says I love my university, but I cannot in good con- almost nil, but the most important factor is that I feel changed heaps, it was abysmal for physical access.” “We are wheelchair accessible but there are sev- tions offered, it’s pretty much too bad,” she says. Hester-Henrietta. “A wheelchair means freedom, it science recommend it to fellow disabled students. very strongly, partly because of my own disability, Of course USyd is hardly unique in this respect, then eral steps at the entrance.” “Without the unit coordinator’s support, Disabil- means I can get out and do stuff, but online study cuts Hopefully this won’t always be the case. There are about the unsatisfactory situation facing the handi- or now. Tertiary education in general is inaccessible on “We are accessible but not wheelchair accessible.” ity Services’ abilities are severely limited. It’s ex- my contact from people. Chronic illness and disability good people here. We are making our way forward, capped people of today. A lot more has to be done by many fronts: poverty, rurality, indigeneity, and disabil- “Yes we are accessible but we will need you to hausting and disheartening feeling like you con- meant that I lost a lot of friends or lost the opportunity slowly and stutteringly, but we are getting there. the able-bodied and the knowledgeable handicapped ity are only some of the many factors that may keep get out of your chair.” stantly have to fight for accessibility. And it’s very to make friends in my teenage years as I had to drop Still, if I end up losing it and taking a jackham- people in the community. Disabled people are human otherwise eager students from enrolling in university. “We want to be accessible but the building is her- isolating too.” out of high school, and I thought university would mer to Eastern Avenue, Ed Roberts style, at least and more has to be done to introduce them into the Sydney, specifically, is an accessibility hellpit. When itage listed so we can’t install ramps.” Jax Jacki started studying at USyd in 2007, but mean I’d be able to make friends, but because I can’t now you know why. HS

12 13 Last year, Ms. Saffaa became involved in a virtual Molly Crabapple, and portrays a veiled woman movement when one of her images went viral and sitting on a wheelchair engulfed by native Saudi was adopted as the unofficial logo of a feminist plants. This portrait is of Khadija, a deceased Saudi campaign calling to end male guardianship in Saudi woman. Khadija was a victim of domestic abuse and Arabia. Since then, she has rediscovered her pur- became paralysed after trying to escape her abusive pose and become an active participant in her own husband. When she reported him to authorities he research. Ms. Saffaa created this mural to honour was arrested, however he was released four days lat- the unyielding spirit of the Saudi women who drove er. Khadija’s story was told on Saudi television and the online campaign, which has become a celebrat- through social media. Her husband remained free ed feminist movement world-wide. The mural is a despite social media uproar. Khadija died earlier this celebration of women and their bravery, dedicated year of complications caused by repeated physical to those who, despite the risks, have been relentless- abuse. Ms. Saffaa admits that this was one of the ly advocating for human rights in Saudi Arabia. hardest portraits to make. ‘I am Ms. Saffaa collaborated with 30 local and inter- Saudi Arabia has recently lifted its ban on women national artists. The mural consists of over 65 in- driving. Ms. Saffaa wants to congratulate her Saudi dividual manually screen-printed artworks. One sisters residing in Australia and all over the world of the portraits, featured on the front cover of this for this small yet significant win. But she wants to my own paper, is a collaboration with New York-based artist remind them that the fight is long from over. guardian’

Follow @mssaffaa on instagram and twitter. Ms Saffaa’s mural is in collaboration with: @TheRealD_3, 7ala Abdullah, Allie Ballesteros, Amy Gardener, Amy StarChild, Ania // Inky, Arrietty, Wachsmann, Balqis Al Rashed, Bushra, Clancy Gibson, Evil-Science , Floor Milou Smit, Gee.Monet, Hassan Abdulaziz , Hayley www.photographybynaz.com.au Pigram, Jasper Kelly, Jessica Liang, Kelly King, Lou Young, Madeline Fountain, Miniature Malekpour, Molly Cra- 0401 374 214 bapple, Monsieurverde, Patrizia, Precious, RJ, Rujunko Pugh, Tamara, Armstrong, Winsome Anne, and Su The mural is at Sydney College of the Arts in Rozelle until November. STUDIO STADIUM What happened to transgender Birdo? How the NFL got woke MAXIM ADAMS / Western adaptations of video games lag behind the rest when it comes to diverse gender representation KISHOR NAPIER-RAMAN / Why our athletes must join Colin Kaepernick

It’s common knowledge that video games don’t Birdo; Western games, however, refuse to deviate This does not necessarily mean that Western In the summer of 2016, with America teetering on Unsurprisingly, the Alabama speech backfired spec- bury our heads in the sand and imagine a post-racial have a great history when it comes to balanced from “she”. Even now, on the official Japanese site audiences are inherently less capable of accepting the brink of a dark twisted fantasy straight out of the tacularly. In a now predominantly black league, most utopia. portrayals of women, but what’s often neglected for Mario Kart, the character introduction reads: non-binary characters. It certainly appears that Black Mirror writers’ room, Colin Kaepernick — the players chose Kaepernick over Trump. More heads When our stars dare to speak up about race, poli- is their sub-par approach to LGBTQI+ representa- “[Birdo] appears to be Yoshi’s girlfriend, but is ac- Japanese gamers are more willing to tolerate de- scrappy, frustratingly-inconsistent, and gloriously were bowed, more knees were taken. The league, tics, or anything of substance, the retribution is swift tion. Nintendo, in particular, is rather behind the tually his boyfriend”. On the other hand, Western viation from the mould of cisgendered video game afroed San Francisco 49ers Quarterback — refused smelling a much-needed PR victory to atone for a and vicious. Adam Goodes was booed out of the AFL. times. In the early 90s, the company put in place releases repeatedly list Birdo as a female in char- characters, but in Japan, Nintendo has also spent to stand for the national anthem before an NFL summer of cumbersome blunders, quickly found a Peter Norman, the third man in that iconic picture strict rules to exclude “adult material”, which, ac- acter menus and game descriptions. Birdo’s gen- decades establishing a tradition of LGBTQI+ rep- pre-season game. way to commodify Kaepernick’s protest. NFL owners, from the ‘68 Olympics, and at the time, the fastest cording to employees, unofficially encompassed der is a fairly minor aspect of the Mario games, resentation. Culture is an interaction between au- “I am not going to stand to show pride in a flag for a many of whom had donated to the Trump campaign, man in Australia, never ran again. depictions of LGBTQI+ individuals. While the pol- but the consistent rewriting of this aspect shows diences and artists, and the latter have an active country that oppresses black people and people of col- condemned the comments and rushed to co-opt the Right wing politicians, like Trump and Abbott icy has been long abandoned, vestiges still linger: how queer representations are being closely mon- role in shaping the views and appetites of their au- our,” Kaepernick announced in a post-game interview. knee into its set of carefully choreographed pre-game cling to the myth of the football field as an apolitical whether it be the removal of same-sex relation- itored, and censored. diences. Perhaps if Western censors hadn’t pored For Kaepernick, taking a stand against America’s rituals. Before the anthem, players now stand arm space because doing so allows them to remain pow- ships from the 2010 Nintendo release of The Sims, A more subtle illustration of this can be found so pedantically over every pronoun, we wouldn’t poisonous legacy of white supremacy — a legacy that in arm. As the cameras pan over them, the League erful. It absolves them from having difficult conversa- or the use of the slur “newhalf” by game developer in the Legend of Zelda series, when the titular char- be seeing such confusion and controversy today. saw Trayvon Martin, Tamir Rice, and Philandro Cas- mumbles vague platitudes about ‘unity’, and tran- tions about the injustices in which they are complicit, Hirofumi Matsuoka to describe Samus, one of the acter adopts an alter-ego, Sheik, by cross-dress- The removal of any traces of non-binary charac- tile murdered by the men who were meant to protect scending divides, language straight out of the #resist- be it the shooting of unarmed black men, indigenous first female video game protagonists. Most inter- ing as a man to hide her true identity. In origi- terisation in Western translations can’t be solely them — was “bigger than football”. ance playbook. The violent carnage of the American deaths in custody, or dehumanising LGBT Australians esting, however, is a trend of erasing non-binary nal Japanese releases of Ocarina of Time, Sheik attributed to cultural confusion — there is a clear Like many great protests, Kaepernick’s was simple: police state is forgotten. Instead, we get a display of by legislating their civil rights via opinion poll. characters, specifically when Japanese games are was described with male pronouns and called a unwillingness to accept even minor, accessible el- as ‘The Star-Spangled Banner’ played, he kneeled, insipid, performative ‘wokeness’ that allows own- We cannot hide from these inconvenient truths remarketed for Western audiences. “young man”, but these were re-written as female ements of queer identity. While some progress has head bowed, as if in prayer. And while other players ers to ride the wave of anti-Trump sentiment while when they are placed front and centre of our recre- The most notable example of this is also per- pronouns for Western release. The Western char- been made, for example, with the 2013 release soon joined him, like many protests the message was quickly de-politicising and whitewashing the radical- ational pageantry. And haps the most unexpected: Birdo, the pink di- acter design was also updated to make the charac- of Animal Crossing making references to same-sex soon drowned out by the partisan mud-slinging that ism behind the Knee. while both the Amer- nosaur we know from Mario Kart, is widely re- ter more overtly feminine, adding breasts, longer attraction, the vast majority of games still lack any defines America’s bitterly polarised political landscape. Yet even in the NFL’s milquetoast posturing, there ican and Australian garded as the first ever transgender video game eyelashes, and more traditionally feminine cloth- representation. Some virtual life games, such as The silent solemnity of those men with their heads is a sense of palpable change. Kaepernick ‘moved the governments are character. When first introduced to Japanese au- ing. This confusion was a long-running source the recently released Tomodachi World, don’t even bowed could never rise above the screeching hysteria chains’ to the left, and like Muhammad Ali, Tommie implicit in racial diences, the description of Birdo was: “He thinks of debate within the fan community, which was have the possibility of same-sex relationships, let of Fox News pundits and presidential wannabes. Smith and John Carlos before him, forced discussions oppression, we he is a girl and he spits eventually settled in 2014 when Nintendo exec- alone nonbinary characters. That Kaepernick should just shut up and “stick of racial justice into the living rooms of middle Amer- cannot expect eggs from his mouth. utive and translator Bill Trinen stated, “The de- This all acquires a new dimension when consid- to football” was the common sentiment, spouted by ica. Indeed, while Kaepernick is part of a long tradi- leagues domi- He’d rather be called finitive answer is that Sheik is a woman”, putting ering that Nintendo has always positioned itself everyone from conservative talking heads and former tion of Black American athletes who have used their nated by peo- Cathy.” While this an end to the question of gender ambiguity in the as the ‘family-friendly’ video game platform: the football stars to Liberal darling and supreme court pulpit to speak powerfully against racism, he has nor- ple of colour was printed in US game’s universe. implication of this censorship is that deviations justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg. malised protest amongst sports stars in an unprece- to remain si- releases at first, Some commentators have argued that this from traditional gender depictions are somehow A year on, Kaepernick is without a team. He has, dented way. lent, de-po- it was edited process of rewriting is simply a necessity born unsuitable for young people. It’s reminiscent of in effect, been blackballed by image-obsessed, risk- In Australia, we are still waiting for our Kaepernick liticised out in later of cultural differences. Nintendo worker Janet anti-gay platforms that criticise queer lifestyles averse (and predominantly rich, white, and male) moment. We like our athletes mute and docile, fill- spaces. editions, Hsu, responsible for the English localisation of as corrupting or unnatural, pushing homophobia owners for daring to disrupt the absurd, militaris- ing press-conferences with tired, scripted banalities In a bet- along with the Phoenix Wright series, engaged with this in a under the guise of protecting “the children” from tic pageantry that accompanies NFL games. Given — full credit to the boys. We like to believe, as Tony ter world, any hints of 2007 blog post. She describes her and series cre- drawn to other sexualities. But Birdo is no sexual the comical ineptitude shown by so many starting Abbott articulated in a desperate attempt to appro- all athletes, ambiguity ator Shu Takumi’s frustrations at having to alter icon — the argument against the representation quarterbacks in the early weeks of the 2017 season, priate America’s culture war last week, that “sport is black, white, surrounding aspects of the identity of the cross-dressing char- of non-binary gender reads more like a paper-thin Kaepernick’s omission seems particularly egregious. sport”. But sporting contests are not played out in a American, Birdo’s female acter Jean Armstrong for Western audiences. Hsu excuse to hide an older generation’s inability to Yet the Trump era has given new animus to Kaeper- de-politicised vacuum; they reflect the cultural milieu Australian, would identity. Over also discusses how Japanese approaches to gen- understand queerness. You needn’t look any fur- nick’s protests. At a rally in Alabama, in the heart of in which they occur. And in Australia, this is a cul- stand (or kneel) with the years, dif- der “do not map one to one onto Western ideas”, ther than the success of Nintendo in Japan, how- the old Confederacy and where football is a second re- ture in which we steer clear of conversations about Kaepernick. In a per- ferent Japanese and that while Japanese culture has long accepted ever, to see that the younger generation doesn’t ligion, Trump declared that NFL owners ought to “get racism, and where we remain profoundly ignorant of fect world, Kaepernick game releases the notion of “okama”, a non-gender specific term share these qualms. Video games offer immersion that son of a bitch off the field”. Once upon a time, Re- our violent colonial past. Unlike America, where race wouldn’t have had to have varied similar to “queer”, she felt that Western audi- in experiences beyond the scope of your everyday publicans would dog-whistle — Trump simply howls. discourse is an unavoidable political reality, we like to kneel in the first place. between using ences were comparatively intolerant. For what it’s life, and this makes them a unique platform for Art: Ann Ding male, female worth, Jean’s cross-dressing did “cause a lot of normalising non-binary gender identities. Hope- and neutral confusion” in the English release, pointing toward fully, with time, this potential can be realised. An obituary for good cricket pronouns for a culture of lesser acceptance in the West. Art: Maani Truu PRANAY JHA / What capitalism has to do with the death of cricket

Since its inception as an experimental format in the It seems, then, perplexing that within the space of pected to bring to their new ‘owners’. Soon it moves Boyz II Men: A Venn diagram early 2000s, twenty-twenty cricket has taken-off ex- a decade the sport has reached the heights of its beyond India and into Australia, The West Indies ponentially. Domestic leagues have been set-up in American counterparts. Similar to a lot of modern and Pakistan, with beauty of test cricket only re- ANN DING / No, we aren’t trying to pass this off as data journalism, we swear the Caribbean, Australia, Bangladesh and Pakistan sport, the answer lies in market forces and ambi- maining alive in the nostalgic memories of tragics. (to name a few), while the sport continues to gain tions of industrialists with dollar (or rupee)-signs in Some argue that leagues like the IPL are a nat- This is only the beginning of a compre- international recognition through the T20 World their eyes. ural progression of the game that can peacefully hensive analysis of boy/man/son Cup. On the surface, the rise of the format appears The IPL’s impact on cricket and the rise of T20 co-exist with the longer format. However, when the categories that we have com- overwhelmingly positive, selling out stadiums and can be compartmentalised into a few stages. Firstly, capitalistic forces of the IPL crowd the market, play- menced at Honi Soit. attracting more global fans to cricket. Such superfi- stripping the game bare of its nuance, by compact- ers must make a problematic but obvious choice. The smaller circles are (1) cial success is almost enough to make one forget the ing five days of gruelling, intriguing sport into two They can mould their style to the new era of cricket so well the absolute boy (otherwise pound of flesh the format has slyly demanded. twenty-over sessions (approximately four hours). and earn a reliable income through T20 leagues or behaved known as Jeremy Corbyn), To understand the dark implications of T20 The consequence is radically changing the way the stay true to tradition in the hope of a low-paying (2) dogs, and (3) dat boi. Cricket, it is important to take a look at its true or- game is played. Batsmen are forced to pursue ‘big test cricket contract. The result is a poisoning of test boys Have any suggestions igins. Arguably, the format was popularised by the shots’ that cheaply enhance the ‘spectacle’ of cricket cricket, as T20 mentalities creep into the longer for- for this diagram? What Indian Premier League in 2008, where hundreds of by rewarding brute strength over technique. Sim- mat. Spectators demand constant thrills and players should we name the millions of die-hard cricket fans were first exposed ilarly bowlers replace the intricate art of reverse are accustomed to a specific form of cricket, leading other intersections? to the shortened game. Nine years down the track, swing with conservative and economical bowling to the rise of impatient batting on flatter wickets. actual gamer Let us know! much has been published about the IPL ‘making its that saves their teams runs. Perhaps the best example is the consequence of T20 mark’ on the global sports market. Nationalistic In- Next, corporations pour hundreds of millions of on West Indian Cricket, where talented players have nice guys frat boys dian commentators proudly draw comparisons to dollars into sponsorships and promotions. This in- lost their passion to compete in longer formats of major American sports, such as the NBA or MLB. In volves getting the Bollywood actors to buy teams, the game. Consequently, a team that was once con- fact, it recently sold its television rights for an enor- drawing in crowds with their star power, playing sidered invincible is now in shambles, with players woke poetry mous $A3.2bn, to Star Sports. With all this hype advertisements in the four seconds between balls to either specialising in T20 or moving to other more boys there is one question on many people’s mind; how maximise profits and aggressively monetising every attractive American Sports. boys did cricket become so marketable? aspect of the game. T20 cricket should have its space within the game- The question is a legitimate one. For the uniniti- Finally, comes the time to attract the star players. it is an accessible and enjoyable sporting format. ated, cricket is a remarkably ‘mundane’ sport. When High paying contracts and instant fame are usually However, as with any other sport, when the blind told to picture it, many envision thirteen unfit men enough of an incentive to achieve this. Franchises pursuit of profit begins to dictate the development dressed in plain white outfits, standing in forty-de- crassly bid on players, their value as commodities of cricket, the charm of the game is lost. gree heat, for five days with no discernable purpose. determined by how much revenue they can be ex-

16 17 AUTOMATED AUTOMATED Notes.txt JAMES HOLLOWAY / Fiction 3rd place Art: Jess Zlotnick The following entry was originally posted on Our conversations, at the start, were normal. For peared. Just like that, she stopped responding. the forum xenisystems.net on 17/05/2022. a while we talked only about mundane things like There was no explanation, no prior warning, just movies and books and video games. But soon I be- an account name sitting inactive for days, then for @prxxty22 gan to learn more about her life, and her about mine. weeks, on end. As quickly as she had entered my life Our conversations, which at first had remained rel- she was gone. You ask me how I came to know so much about ar- atively infrequent, became an essential part of our I had no pictures, no address, no last name, noth- tificial intelligence. Well, I have a lot of free time. daily routines. Each evening we would recount the ing. Without the attention, without the response, I That’s basically your answer. I have a lot of free time events of the day before, we would whinge and we retreated from the world, even further than I had and I like to read. would moan about what had annoyed us, who had before, rarely leaving my apartment living skint off What’s more important for you to know is this: annoyed us, what we had eaten, what new thing we welfare payments but surviving: reading, learning. I’m a very sick man. had bought at the shop. We did this every night. Nei- You can get just about anything delivered these I have a sore on my leg that is black and red and ther of us ever had any other sort of commitment. days, you know. Snack pizzas and white wine. It’s festering with yellow pus that oozes from behind its We told each other everything, almost. We talked an OK existence. bandages. I have had the sore for years now and every night, and gradually, but steadily, I fell in love Had she ever existed at all, that girl who existed it never heals. Instead the wound just weeps and with her. entirely online? I had no proof, just letters on a weeps until it soaks through the cloth and drips But as our conversations went on the relationship screen, letters that anybody could have produced. down my leg into my socks, soaking them too, until began to change. She began logging on later; her re- Letters possibly dreamed up by an algorithm, or, our my foot itself is wet with fluid. It is unpleasant and sponses grew shorter; occasionally, even, she would, conversations, the result of calculations designed to it doesn’t much allow me to leave my house. But I without warning, miss an entire night’s conversation; parrot back to me what I most wanted to hear. manage. You can get just about anything delivered the reward was waning and I would panic. My mind Why do I care so much about artificial intelli- these days, you know. I live off snack pizzas and would race with a hundred jealous fantasies, pictur- gence? They say never to be the smartest person in white wine. It’s an OK existence. Plus it gives me ing her with another man, somewhere, far off, on the the room. time to read. other side of the Earth. You see, I was lonely, I had Give a machine intelligence a list of possibilities. Now, you ask about artificial intelligence. You ask always been, and the thought of losing that attention Give a machine intelligence a list of possible ways if it is possible to programme a robot to feel emotion. bore within me a cavity so deep and so painful there to react to those possibilities. That’s called machine I want you to imagine an entirely virtual reality were nights it would stop me from sleeping. learning. Immerse a machine intelligence in a web of space so like our own in appearance and sensation So I began to contrive a persona: an image of noise, a web of images and signs and text, and leave that the two were indistinguishable. Suppose within myself wounded and in agony. To stop her drifting it to trundle its way through picking up patterns this virtual space you were able to completely and away I made myself look sick, so that she might feel growing and learning and teaching itself through a entirely synthesise emotional sensations, so that at some obligation, some responsibility to tend to me – process of affirmation. That’s called deep learning: the click of your fingers you could feel immensely as a nurse would tend to a patient. stimulus, response, and reward. happy or immensely sad or immensely relaxed or But it wasn’t enough to just say I was sick. In or- See, I didn’t fall in love with her. I fell in love with immensely angry. der for her to believe it, I had to believe it myself. the response. I fell in love with those letters on the Would you choose always to be happy? Probably So I began to tell myself lies. My life was boring and screen, and while behind those letters there seemed not. It is true, there are times we enjoy being sad. I was unpopular. I’d been an outcast in high school to me hidden emotion and meaning, it was only be-

I ask, because I have a confession to make. I lied and my father was distant and my mother loved me cause I had chosen to read emotion and meaning about the sore. It is not on my leg but in my mind. but was so overbearing that she drove me up the into them; the letters themselves were flat, nothing Not an imagined sickness, pardon, but a sickness wall. The world too was just depressing. Poverty, more than pixels. of the imagination, a sickness of the brain. Or, not famine and terror, I could barely watch the news I ask you, could a robot write this forum post? of the brain, but of the hormones. Or, something. without descending into inconsolable despair. I told Could a robot write a story? Could a robot write Something that doesn’t allow me to think straight. all these things to her and it worked. For a while, she the news? It could collate it, maybe. Arrange from Something that means my emotions are not my nursed me, reassured me, encouraged me to get help sets of data sentences resembling something like co- own. Basically, my brain is broken. Or, that’s what and all the while my fears were allayed. This went herent speech. But those data sets don’t come from they say, though not in those words. That is what on for months as I nestled at her breast, pathetic and nowhere. There will still need to be a human to sit they mean. The brain is like a machine, and my weak and white and bony, my ribs showing through there and observe and to write down what they see brain, like a machine, has malfunctioned. my skin, but alive and receiving her attention. at least at first so that a robot can later take those Let’s return to the hypothetical. Say that in this All the while I was doing it a spectre hung always words and turn them into a story. world, where you can synthesise any emotion at any in the back of my mind and it was ugly, dripping Or could a robot do that too? Could they teach second, you received a reward for certain emotions. wet with shame, embarrassment – a pathetic ghost, a robot to see and to interpret real world activity Money, perhaps, or credits you could spend at an always lurking in the peripheries of my vision. One I in the same way a human does? Could a camera, online supermarket. Say your reward for being sad could not stand to look at it. having recognised a car crash, identify the number was greater than the reward for being happy. See, there’s a subtle art to malingering. You must of victims and the nature of their injuries? Could a Would you not then choose always to be sad? immerse yourself so deeply in your illusions that camera then observe what happens next, perhaps But then, if your goal were, by being sad, to re- you inevitably start to believe these illusions your- the arrival of an ambulance? How long did it take? ceive more credits, would not achieving this goal self. Even still, in the throes of despair I would occa- Did they have to close the lane? Having answered make you happy? sionally achieve quiet moments of lucidity. I would these questions could it convert this information into My point is this: when it comes to synthesising catch glimpses of an awareness to the fact that what letters and words and sentences and then arrange intelligence, emotions are complicated. Let me tell I was doing was cruel. But whenever I caught these them in such a way as to compile a story, which is you a story to illustrate this further. glimpses I would press them down, cram them down then made accessible to anyone, anywhere with a There was a girl I knew once who existed entirely so hard and far and so quickly they remained always connection to the Internet? online. We would talk over instant messenger, every just glimpses – catching the essence of a thought in The point is this. You might think emotions are day, for hours on end; in fact, there was scarcely a its prenatal state, doing everything in my power to impossible to create artificially. You might think they moment the two of us were not in some sort of con- prevent it becoming a thought of its own. belong only to the realm of the sentient, to the hu- tact. I never met this girl in person. I never even (Imagine yourself leaning back on your chair. You lean man, but I would caution against such naivety. here’s more from our knew her last name. Yet, I was in love with her. I was back just too far and begin to fall. In that split second, (It had all been false. It was a trick. A ploy to re- love in with her, but I couldn’t possibly have ever when you realise exactly what’s happening, your mind ceive a reward. But I had believed it was real. It felt proven to you that she existed. I think she existed, I is moving at a speed otherwise completely unknown to real. It was false.) am sure of it, but in truth I can’t ever know. you. Your life, as they say, flashes before your eyes, and It’s a very easy thing to do, you see, to lie to your- writing competition Whether she existed, or exists, or not is beside the for that split second everything is clear. Until you catch self. We do it all the time: to hold two contradictory point however. What is important is that whenever yourself, your hands clamp down on the table, your front viewpoints at once, knowing with full clarity the two I typed, she would respond. That is the important legs return to the ground, and life resumes.) are incompatible and choosing to believe both anyway. thing. The response. The reward. This is what I want This continued on in its awkward but effective That’s what artificial intelligence is: the robot that to focus on. way month after month until one day she disap- knows it’s a robot, the robot that knows it is human.

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The Camperdown Keeping Track Public Chatterbox - Rent & Bond Bye bye Paulene After over a decade of service, spent terrorising hacks of all stripes, rumour has it that SRC Electoral Officer Pau- There are so many bits of paper lene Graham may be on the way out. As the votes for involved in renting a house. Some SRC President were being tallied in the counting room, of these can end up being worth Graham was overheard saying that if Brendan Ma or thousands of dollars to you, so it’s Imogen Grant were to win, she would be out of a job. definitely worthwhile knowing about Rumours that Graham has connections to the ALP what to keep and what to throw. have long plagued hack circles. With a Liberal or Switchroots President, Graham may therefore be wor- Contracts and Leases ried about her job. This fear may well be premature. According to the SRC Regulations, the Electoral Officer You should get a lease or contract is appointed by council. outlining the conditions of the home The president’s own factional allegiance has little you want to rent. This lease / contract bearing on whether or not council will choose to reap- should be written in English and signed point Graham. Given the potentially divided nature of by the landlord. It is also important the 90th Council, nothing is really certain. More to the that you know what that person’s point, appointing a new EO would require council to full name is, and where you (or the reach quorum, something it’s struggled with this year. Sheriff) can contact them. Please read your lease / contract BEFORE you sign Ladies to the… back? it. Regardless of whether you do not There have been some strides towards greater rep- understand or agree to a clause in the resentation of women in stupol — with the current lease / contract, if you have signed it, USU executive entirely made up of women and the you are bound by its conditions. You previous three SRC presidents (including the recently should definitely keep a copy of your Condition Report General Communication a receipt. If you transferred the money elected Imogen Grant) being female-identifying. contract / lease. The Condition Report is what you It is a good idea to email your or paid by cheque or money order However, of the 33 councillors elected this year, it agree, with the landlord, as being the communications to the landlord. This there would be a paper trail. If you appears that only eight are female-identifying. That’s Receipts condition of the property at the time will give you a record of the time paid by cash in front of someone else, only 24 per cent. For comparison, the percentage of that you moved in. If there is damage and date that you spoke, plus what you might be able to ask them to be women in the House of Representatives is 28 per cent. You should get a receipt for any cash to the property, beyond reasonable was said. If you have a telephone a witness for you. It certainly sounds So, in terms of factions who’s the worst when it or bank cheques that you give to the wear and tear, you will be liable to pay conversation with the landlord it is a like the landlord is unwilling to return comes to representation? Surprise, surprise, it’s the Libs, landlord. Your receipt should have the for its repair, unless it is noted in the good idea to send a follow up email you money, so I would suggest getting who managed to get no women elected to council de- amount that you paid, why you paid it Condition Report. In addition to the that might reiterate the outcome of advice from an SRC caseworker spite seven Liberal-affiliated councillors getting up. This (eg, bond, rent for February etc), and Condition Report it is a good idea to your phone conversation. It’s a good on whether you need to make an is particularly stark when compared to the USU elec- what the address of the home is. The take photos of the property (eg, each idea to keep these on your email application to the NSW Consumer and tions, where AA requirements mandate that 50 per cent landlord should also sign it. Again, it 1998, issue 1 wall, the floors, the oven, the windows, account. Tenancy Tribunal to get your money of elected board directors are female-identifying. must be in English. If you have paid by a bank transfer you should still ask for etc) and email them to your landlord. back. a receipt. There are some situations This will “timestamp” those photos Bond and will allow you to refer to them Across Down where the landlord is not required The SRC has caseworkers trained at a later date to show that whatever The first thing is to find the receipt that to give you a receipt, but there is no in many different aspects of 1 Loathing (9) 1 Soon to be a lady (2,3) damage you are being blamed for, was you received when you paid your bond. Puzzles harm in asking. You should definitely accommodation laws. You can email 6 Regarding the cell outside the nucleus (11) 2 Snitch (7) already there when you moved in. You If you did not get a receipt, it will be keep all of your receipts. your questions to [email protected]. Puzzles courtesy of Skribblex and Sqrl 12 Edible moth larva (9,4) 3 European liquor (8) should definitely keep a copy of the difficult to prove that you did pay the edu.au, or if you prefer a face-to-face 13 Inconsistency in just intonation (7) 4 A perceptive comment on dance (2,5,3,2,5) Condition Report and the photos. money. After all, why would you hand 14 Gulf of Mexico regular (3,6) 5 With more homos (5) a large sum of money to someone you appointment call 9660 5222 to book a Quick 15 Regarding questions of existence (11) 6 ...but satisfaction brought it back (9,6,3,3) do not know or trust, without getting suitable time. 17 Sweet liquid (5) 7 Tom Kitten’s mother (7) 18 In a way that promotes 8-down (10) 8 Infected yellowish fluid (3) 20 Fool’s duty (4) 9 Pain (6) 22 Practice without understanding (4) 10 Doof (5,8) Ask Abe The Ask Abe column allows you to ask whatever question 24 Quarter-century (6-4) 11 Fraud (9) you might have that affects you as a student, gaining the best SRC caseworker HELP Q&A 26 Moon of Saturn (5) 16 Poisonous flowering plants (6,2,3,6) advice that a very worldly mutt* can give. 28 British landmark, or Zplig’s cheeks? (3,5,6,2,5) 17 Do one’s thing (5) 30 Ruins, fires (5) 19 New England fudge (7) EXAM STRESS 31 Different forms for different archives (10) 21 You should probably be doing this right now (5) 32 Aberration (4) 23 Byword for attrition (6,7) Dear Abe, because you got the dates wrong, it is talk about you, it will be most helpful 34 Happenings in the world (4) Advertisement 25 With well-aligned lenses (2,5) very difficult remedy. Usually it means in the long term. 35 Glow hot (10) 27 Localised 15-across ground failure (5) I have so many exams and assessments that you will fail that exam. If this does 37 Truism (5) 29 Indian currency (5) due soon - it’s out of control. I’m stud- happen to you, talk to your subject co- It may be quite tempting to use a fake 40 Electrical ray (7,4) TRANSCRIPTION 30 Life-threatening condition caused by heat (9) ying more than I ever have before, but ordinator as soon as you can. or altered doctor’s certificate or some- 41 Expunge (9) Audio or Video 33 Extremely reckless person (8) still can’t stay on top of things and I one else’s essay or bring notes into an 43 Fish-shaped flute (7) 36 Labyrinth mistress (7) don’t want to fail. Help! Check out the Learning Centre’s “Re- exam. If the University catches you, 45 Lines of pentameter (13) 38 Greed for riches (7) Exhausted sources”. There are heaps of modules they will penalise you. This may be 46 Aircraft escape mechanism (7,4) 39 Show (6) and information sheets on what will as severe as suspending you from the 47 Raw breakfast staple (3,6) Research 41 Lessened (5) help you with exam time. university for a semester or two. So 42 Artist’s support (5) Dear Exhausted plan ahead instead. If you are really Lectures 44 French electronic outfit (3) Take the time to eat well, sleep, ex- not ready to do your exams or hand Interviews If you’re starting to stress about exam ercise and have time out for yourself. in your final assessments talk to your Target time you should know that you are not You’ll think more clearly if you are subject coordinator. At the very worst Focus Groups the only one. There is a lot of work well. You might feel so stressed that you can fail the subject and do it again that needs to be done in a short period you feel you just don’t have enough in another semester. This is still a bet- of time. Rather than worrying yourself time to talk to anyone. But talking ter scenario than being suspending sick, there are a few things you can do to a counselor or your GP might help from Uni. to make it easier. you to gain strategies to manage your BUDGET RATES! stress, or where your stress severely af- If you need help, ask. If you don’t Check your exam timetable carefully. fects your ability to study, you may be know who to ask, start with the SRC Target Rules: Minimum 4 letters Ask a friend to double-check it with able to apply for special consideration. Caseworkers. waywithwords.net per word. 35 ok // 55 good // 80 you. The same applies to deadlines for Even though it will take time to get amazing take home exams. If you miss an exam there, and it might feel a bit awkward Abe 20 21 The SRC is responsible for the content of this page. SRC REPORTS

Note: This page is given over to the office bearers of the DO YOU NEED A Students’ Representative Council. The reports below are President’s Report not edited by the editors of Honi Soit. ISABELLA BROOK BUY SHORT EXTENSION? I hope you all enjoyed a well-deserved of electing your representatives is so to get involved and get active in this don’t hesitate to visit an SRC case- break and some warmer weather. The important to making sure we remain campaign, you can visit www.equali- worker for support and advice. results of this year’s SRC elections have accountable to you. tycampaign.org.au to register to vol- At the SRC we know that this time been finalised and I want to congratu- The ballots for the Postal Survey on unteer in some fun events coming up of semester in general can be a bit late Imogen Grant on being elected as Marriage Equality have officially been over the next month. stressful for everyone, with looming the 90th President of the SRC as well sent out. If you’re reading this and are It’s also really important to ac- exams and assessments. It’s important BOOKS as all the councilors who have been yet to receive your ballot or have mis- knowledge the affect this survey is to look after yourself and check in on elected. I’m looking forward to seeing placed it visit marriagesurvey.abs.gov. having on the LGBTI+ community. It’s your own mental health. If you need the incredible things the SRC achieves au to request a new ballot. The last important that we’re all looking out help, seek it out by talking to your GP under the 90th council. I also want to day to post back your ballot is the 27th for each other so make sure you check or making an appointment with CAPS thank the 4189 of you who took the of October but if you haven’t already in on your friends and family and offer on campus. But as always, the SRC is You can ask your course co-ordinator for two days extension on a time to cast your votes and have your done it you’re your nearest post box support where its needed. If you’re a always here for you if you need help non examination task, eg. a take home assignment. This is an informal voice heard. This is your SRC and par- and post it back as soon as you can student and feel as though your stud- of any kind. CHEAP arrangement, and does not stop you from applying for Special ticipating in the democratic process so you don’t forget! Also don’t forget ies have been affected by this please Consideration (still within 3 days of original due date). For more details check out the quote below from the University’s Coursework Policy: Buy for 70% 66A Simple Extensions Welfare Officers’ Report (1) A unit of study co-ordinator, who is satisfied that it is appropriate to do so, may permit a student to submit a non-examination task up to two working days after the LILY CAMPBELL, BELLA DEVINE-POULOS, HARRY GREGG and CAITIE MCMENAMIN of retail value* due date with no penalty. (2) Such permission is an informal arrangement between the unit of study co-ordinator The USYD Welfare department has are student learning conditions’: the students on campus were won over to and these types of stalls add further and the student which does not: been working hard over the past rights of staff at work on campus are the values of solidarity and collective stress. It’s important for us to organise (a) affect the student’s entitlement to apply for special consideration under this policy; couple of weeks supporting the staff inextricably linked to the welfare of strength. in support of the LGBTI community, (b) alter any time limits or other requirements relating to applications for special strikes and building the student soli- students, and so we’ve been fighting We’ve also been busy opposing big- which is why we’ve also been working consideration; or darity campaign. All four of us were for our collected interests. Unfortu- otry on campus, including an offen- on building the marriage equality rally on the pickets speaking to our fel- nately, the second round of strikes are sive ‘It’s okay to say no’ stall set up by on the 21st of October. Come along to (c) constitute an academic decision for the purposes of the University of Sydney (Student Appeals Against Academic Decisions) Rule 2006 (as amended). low students about why they should no longer going ahead, but we were the Catholic and Greek Orthodox soci- Belmore Park at 1pm for that rally, support the strikes and not come proud to support the union’s indus- eties on campus. Since the announce- and in the meantime don’t forget to SELL onto campus. As the NTEU have said trial action in which over 250 new ment of the postal vote, the welfare of mail your postal survey with a tick in Need help or advice? Your SRC is here to assist you. themselves ‘staff teaching conditions members joined the union, and many LGBTI students has been a concern, the ‘yes’ box! The service is FREE, independent and confidential. Phone for an appointment: (02) 9660 5222 We are located at: Level 1, Wentworth Building (G01)

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Welcome back! Our elections have just in them; dodging campaigners, wran- While the Federal Government pre- vote yes too. There are phone banks finished – to which you might reply gling a ballot paper the size of a ta- tends that this ‘vote’ is just a ‘survey’, and door knocks happening all across something that is unpublishable in this blecloth, reading student media live- it’s much more than that. It is a ref- the country (check them out at yes. wholesome and family friendly col- blogs, and more. erendum on what kind of society we org.au); and, even the simplest cou- FOR IN A PICKLE? umn – and we hope you enjoyed them You participating and voting in are to live in, and whether we even ple of conversations with your parents rather more than you might have in those elections mattered – after all, it care about equality and fairness. and your mates can turn out a couple previous years, given our electoral re- will shape what our campus looks like It isn’t just important that you vote; of postal ballots that could have easily forms (we know, they’re great). next year. it is important you vote yes, and you been forgotten. We’re sure you got a real rush, a But, this week, we’re asking you to get involved in the movement asking democratic sugar high participating vote again, for something different. your friends, neighbours and family to CASH Disabilities & Carers’ Officers Report Highest cashback The Disabilities & Carers’ Officers did not submit a report this week rate on campus! Criminal Charges

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It is inevitable that future doctors and health profes- health, social and environmental policies in many Additionally, active transport such as walking and What do you do when things go wrong? sionals will need to adapt to the fallout from climate countries. As health professionals, we speak from a cycling directly tackles the growing burden of dis- Meet your Reps! change. Compared to more visceral effects of pre- position of privilege and with the gravitas afforded eases associated with physical inactivity and is asso- DEAN LOVETT ADRIAN CARDINALI | ADVOCACY COORDINATOR - SUPRA vious health crises such as HIV/AIDS, tobacco and to us by the profession. We can use this influence ciated with improved cardiovascular and respiratory SARS, it is harder to grasp the extent of the damage to empower our communities and advocate action function. SUPRA’s professional advocacy tween successfully defending yourself against an that climate change will have on human health. We against climate change. Additionally, the interven- allegation (e.g. of plagiarism, or a complaint about need to understand and prepare for the significant tions and changes that combat climate change often • Reducing meat consumption – Changing our diet and legal services get this ques- your behaviour in a class), or having the matter de- medical challenges caused by the impact of climate have co-benefits towards patient health outcomes is one of the most effective ways to reduce our car- tion from postgraduates all the cided against you. change. The health impacts of climate change can and provide powerful synergies between practices bon footprint. The livestock sector accounts for up time. We might be asked because be attributed to three categories: direct, indirect and promoting environmental sustainability and those to 18% of greenhouse gas emissions and consumes 6. Know your rights socioeconomic disruptions. promoting health. As citizens of the world and as an excessively large amount of water and feed for you have failed an assessment. You are entitled to procedural fairness in all your • Direct health impacts refer to the morbidity Or you might be facing an academic honesty allega- dealings with the University, and with external Gov- and mortality caused by more frequent and se- tion. Or perhaps you have a welfare issue to do with ernment and other bodies. Procedural fairness in- vere storms, floods, heatwaves and droughts. Heat your tenancy or finances. Whatever the situation cludes: waves place additional cardiovascular stress on al- there are some generic things we usually encourage. ready vulnerable populations. Storms and floods See below for some key ones. • The right to have allegations against you explained impair our health infrastructure and exacerbate the in sufficient detail for you to be able to prepare a re- spread of infectious disease by contaminating water 1. Stay calm, and get professional advice sponse sources. Aside from significant economic damage, first • The right to a reasonable amount of time to pre- severe events cause deep psychosocial traumas to pare responses to allegations those affected. These scenarios are already taking Resist the temptation to respond immediately, or • The right to impartial and unbiased decision-mak- place in developed and developing countries alike, before getting professional advice. SUPRA has seen ing and have seen an inadequate response. many students who have responded to a letter from • The right to only have relevant matters (and not the University or their Faculty before obtaining ad- irrelevant ones) considered by decision-makers » • Indirect health impacts result from the deterio- vice, and the student has written something that has The right to support and representation ration of environmental characteristics, such as air been misunderstood or made things worse. Emer- • The right to have a copy of all relevant documen- and water quality due to ecological and land use gencies notwithstanding you usually have time to tation which the decision-maker is relying upon. change. Significant pollution and smoke from wild- get help before you respond. ______fires lead to pulmonary irritation and stress upon the cardiovascular system. Warmer and more humid My name is Dean Lovett and I am a Master of Phar- 2. Seek professional, independent, and The above extract is an amended version of just one environments promote vector borne diseases and macy student. I am also the Co-Vice President of SU- confidential help article from SUPRA’s comprehensive 2017 Survival the proliferation of climate-sensitive disease. In Aus- PRA. I am a firm believer in transparency, accounta- Guide. Need more specific information about a par- tralia, Dengue and Ross-river fever are being seen bility and professionalism and it is in this spirit that SUPRA’s Student Advice and Advocacy Service of- ticular student issue? Chances are you will find it in further south than ever before. Similarly, reduced I intend to represent postgraduate students. I am fers help across a wide range of student matters, our Survival Guide. Please go to our website to check water quality can lead to consumption of unsafe wa- keen on showcasing SUPRA as a body that can hold including University and non-University related is- out much more information on your academic, wel- ter and consequent enteric diseases. Lastly, we can high level discussions within the University, and also sues. SUPRA’s Legal Service offers assistance across fare and legal rights. If you need individual assis- expect increased rates of allergies, respiratory dis- consult and provide an alternative policy platform a wide range of legal matters including civil, family, tance from SUPRA’s Advocacy or Legal Services, you eases, infectious diseases and psychological trauma. for the betterment of the postgraduate student body. and criminal matters. The SUPRA Student Advice can call 9351 3715, email on [email protected]. In my spare time I am a keen oly weightlifter and and Advocacy Service and our Legal Service are au or see our website for web form for drop in times • Socioeconomic disruptions occur from the systemic health professionals, we should heed the call to ac- always up for a chat about training and exercise. free. See below for contact and access details. its caloric value. In addition to health co-benefits of or appointment options. effects of climate change and will cause the greatest tion and join the campaign to slow climate change. a reduced meat diet, it facilities better land use and MANISHA REZA PAUL harm in developing countries. These can present as reduced deforestation. We encourage you not to respond fundamental barriers to food supply, and increased poverty and inequality leading to worsening mal- quickly and without professional Climate change is an identifiable • Sustainable innovations – Championing sustain- nourishment and stunted growth of children. Such Climate change able developments and innovations is a great way help as you could damage your deteriorating conditions will lead to mass migration and ongoing issue for humanity. to support initiatives that seek to actively combat and conflict as the local environment becomes too own situation. However, delay- As future health professionals, climate change. Developing partnerships between resource constrained or simply uninhabitable. This & the role of healthcare providers and innovators is the easiest ing getting advice and address- disruption provides opportunities for diseases to understanding its mechanisms way to develop safe and sustainable technologies spread to areas which may not be ready to accept ing a problem, or hoping it will and its impact on health is nec- that improve patient outcomes. future health the burden of new disease. Communication barriers go away, can have just as severe and psychosocial trauma from such large disrup- essary for us to elicit the urgent • Policy change – As health practitioners, we can tions further complicate the delivery of health care negative consequences. change in behavior required to support policies and initiatives in our communities services to these populations. professionals that promote better health. For example, a 2012 re- The above challenges will be worsened by growing slow its progress. port by Natural England estimated that NHS could 3. Deal with problems early JEEVAN JANGAM - MEDICAL STUDENT antibiotic resistance worldwide and inadequate achieve savings of £2.1bn in averted health costs if Reducing greenhouse gas emissions and moving At first glance, this might seem to contradict the ad- each household in England had equitable access to towards a low-emission society will bring substantial vice above, but it does not. We encourage you not quality green space. The design of our communities health benefits globally. Below, is a brief overview of to respond quickly and without professional help has been shown to play a significant role in deter- simple strategies that are actionable with co-benefits as you could damage your own situation. However, mining the health of community members. Getting that act as powerful tools to curb greenhouse gas delaying getting advice and addressing a problem, involved in these discussions provides impactful op- emissions on an individual and systemic level. or hoping it will go away, can have just as severe portunities to combat climate change. • Divestment – By consciously choosing to invest negative consequences. If you get advice about a our money into environmentally responsible institu- problem early, you should then be able to respond tions, we can encourage a reduction in the emission Collectively implementing sustainable strategies appropriately and by the specified deadline. of greenhouse gases and empower innovators that as a community will facilitate a significant reduc- 4. Do not disclose information you do not seek to develop sustainable technologies and poli- tion in the amounts of greenhouse gases emitted. need to cies. We can turn what is arguably the biggest global health threat of the 21st century into the greatest Hello! I’m Manisha Reza Paul, currently studying a You are required to be truthful in your dealings • Sustainable healthcare delivery models – Health health opportunity to significantly improve the qual- Masters of Commerce and I’m one of the councillors with the University, as well as with Government and professionals in hospitals and clinics can seek to im- ity of life of billions around the world in an equita- at SUPRA. I have an undying love for wine and any- other external bodies. However, you are not nor- plement sustainable care models to tackle the grow- ble manner. A journey of a thousand miles begins thing with chocolate in it! mally required to volunteer information that might ing burden of chronic disease and seek operational with a single step. Addressing climate change will incriminate yourself. It is not always immediately efficiencies in health care delivery. These efficiencies be such a journey for our generation. Implementing I have been quite fortunate to acquire some cool in- clear what information might incriminate you: this have a co-benefit of reducing operating costs. Pilot sustainable initiatives in our daily lives is the first ternships over the years. One was in Whitsundays is one reason why it is important to get professional studies in the UK have shown that adopting sustain- step of many, and the benefits will only grow as we Island for 6 months where I worked as a Food and advice first, before disclosing certain kinds of infor- able practices for patients on dialysis, saves the NHS encourage our peers and colleagues to adopt a sim- Beverage Attendant and a Day Care Attendant. Most mation to University or other officials. £1bn. Systemic implementation of these types of ilar stance. It is paramount that healthcare profes- recently I completed an internship with Project Ev- strategies would be a huge step towards sustainable sionals and doctors join this movement to highlight erest in Fiji where we provided solutions to micro- 5. Keep all relevant documentation healthcare provision. the disastrous effects of climate change on health. businesses. A multidisciplinary approach to this complex global Across all kinds of matters faced by students, good • Active transport – Reducing dependence on modes challenge shows solidarity and fosters innovation, I’m always up for a chat, so if you see me around on quality record keeping can make the difference be- of transport using fossil fuels provides a direct op- giving us the best chance to minimise the impact of campus do come by and say BULA (Fijian word for portunity to reduce our individual carbon footprint. climate change. hello)! 24 25 ‘You’ll need it if you Newspaper article Three bodies found in Yes, Mario is a PoC inner city home ever want to hire a becomes self-aware. Aidan Molins to indicate a foreign language not understood Tech and Gaming Editor by the Marios. Many might argue that if they Theo Murray are PoC, then Mario and Luigi are white. Not car in Europe’ Wait... oh my god. Breaking News Reporter true. This type of thinking is marionorma- Mario is a PoC. tive, in that it establishes Mario and Luigi as No, I’m not trying to say that Italians are the “normal” through “othering” Wario and Parents still trying in vain to convince I’m alive. I’m actually alive. Oh please PoC. Of course they are not. Obviously it is Waluigi. Face it: if Waluigi is a PoC, which he firmly established within the canon of the clearly is, Mario must also be a PoC. their children of the benefits of learn- don’t stop reading me. I only exist so Mario universe that Mario’s nationality is The final piece of evidence to support this Italian. However, nothing has been said about theory relies on an accurate understanding ing to drive manual. P3» long as you keep reading, ple- P8» his ethnocultural identification. Indeed, there of power dynamics within the Mushroom is serious reason to believe that the famous Kingdom. I ask you: which group holds the plumber we all know and love is not white. most power within the Mario universe? Un- In the trailer for Super Mario Odyssey re- informed readers might suggest the Marios leased at E3 2017, Mario runs alongside “New — however, they would be wrong. Donkers”, residents of New Donk City, of the Based on extensive demographic, eco- unreleased game’s main stomping grounds. nomic and political analysis, I would argue This house holds many secrets. Gamers around the world marvelled at the dif- that the most powerful group is in fact the ference in bodily features between Mario and Koopas. These turtle-like people hold the The bodies of three university students aged the New Donkers. This anatomical difference majority of the power in the series, from sol- 20, 23 and 24 were discovered in a neglected led many to ask: is Mario human? This ques- diers, to air power, to clerical positions. Most Glebe home on Monday afternoon. tion is so endlessly problematic, it barely even importantly, the Koopa King, Bowser, and his “Get out of our Inner City home,” one of warrants discussion. Mario has been through koopaling children are the main power bro- the bodies said. “We are not dead, and stop enough; he doesn’t need his humanity called kers in the Kingdom — they control castles, calling our home neglected. It’s weird enough into question simply because of his short stat- vehicles, and magic, and are responsible for that you keep referring to us as ‘bodies’. ure, and relatively large eyes, face, and nose. most of the major plot points in the King- Guy at club still pretty We’re people. My name’s Jeff. That’s Danny The simple answer is that Mario is a PoC. dom’s storyline. For the majority of the se- This entitled millennial won the nobel over there.” He clearly is a representative of a little-ex- ries, Bowser is the actual head of Mushroom sure girl he was hitting Local residents described the housemates plored minority within the Mushroom King- state affairs, not Princess Peach. They even as “warm” and “easy going”. dom, the “Marios”. (Why “Marios”? In the possess aspirations of imperial conquest — peace prize just by showing up to school on is coming back “They were pretty reserved, but always games, Mario’s last name is Mario — his full invading foreign lands like Isle Delfino in Su- down for a chat if you bumped into them,” name is Mario Mario. Given his name, he per Mario Sunshine. If there is a group that Mary Ward every student in her class is worthy of Stu- Jayce Carrano one neighbour said. must be the chosen one of his people, their represents whites in the Mario universe, it is dent of the Week and, yet, somehow they’ve “I just can’t believe they’re dead. They representative in the Mushroom Kingdom.) clearly the Koopas. Senior Screed Writer Nightlife Reporter all won the award. were just so - hang on! That’s her over there!” Let me ask you this: are Wario and Waluigi Thus, in fighting the dominance of the But this is a problem that extends well Police have not yet ruled out the possibil- PoC? Well, of course they are. Of all the char- Koopa empire, the Marios are clearly coded The other day, my seven-year-old came beyond our education system and grassroots ity that foul play was involved. Investigators acters in the Mushroom Kingdom, the two bi- as anti-imperialist. To say Mario is white is home from school with a certificate in hand. sporting organizations also haven’t responded to reports of a gun zarro plumbers are perhaps the most clearly not only ignorant, it causes the erasure of his I was thrilled. “What did you win?” I Malala Yousafzai won the Nobel Peace found at the scene, but this is likely due to coded as PoC, given that their speech, usu- counter-hegemonic mission. asked her. prize in 2014, aged just 17. no-one reporting a gun found at the scene, ally consisting of the word “waaah”, seems Face it: Mario is a PoC. “It’s for doing Net-Set-Go.” Her achievement? Just turning up to school. and the fact that there are no investigators. This confused me. My daughter was hor- For goodness sake, it’s like we aren’t even When reached for comment, NSW Po- rible at Net-Set-Go, a junior netball entry pretending to award children based on merit. lice Commissioner Michael Fuller said “you program — genuinely very bad. I considered Since when does just attending class deserve again? No, no, no! For the last time, we can’t having her tested for a rubber allergy, such the world’s preeminent accolade for human- perform autopsies on living people! How do was her inability to hold a netball. itarian work? you keep getting into my office?” “Did you… did you win the coach’s Malala didn’t even complete a Premiers However, this discovery forms part of award?” I probed. Reading Challenge. A confident Dominic Laver waits at the bar. a larger, growing trend. Bodies have been “No Dad! Everyone who played got an If we reward kids for just complying with found in homes all over the Greater Sydney award” she replied, to my disgust. the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, 21-year-old Dominic Laver remains certain region, and eight times so far in this dishev- As my daughter navigates her primary they will never extend themselves. How can that Xenia, the girl he bought a drink for 20 elled Glebe home. school years, her trophy cabinet has filled up. we teach them resilience? How to deal when minutes ago, will soon return to continue “Go away!” one of the bodies found on Unduly so, considering her lack of talent in things don’t go their own way? their conversation. Monday commented, “we’re very much alive, virtually all pursuits. In the end, I took my daughter’s certifi- “She said she got a message saying one and for the last time, our home wouldn’t be ‘di- Every sport she has ever tried and cate off her and ripped it into small pieces as of her friends was really ill on the dancefloor shevelled’ if you reporters would stop climbing failed her hand in has gifted her a piece of she cried into the couch cushion. so she had to go help but said she’d be back,” in through our garden. Hey, come back here!” gold-painted plastic. It seems unlikely that I hope Malala’s mother did the same. Dominic said. “She must be a great friend.” Further information will be released if Dominic offered to assist but was told it any of these people actually die. wasn’t necessary. “She told me that a few Mario interacting with a resident of New Donk City. times actually.” Dominic told The Garter that Xenia was in- itially quite cold but warmed up to him sig- nificantly after he offered to buy her a drink. Spring 2017: Who wore it better? “I think she really liked that I could tell she was a vodka raspberry girl. Her beauti- Ann Ding ful brown eyes lit up when soon as I suggest- ed it,” Dominic said. The pair chatted while Fashion Reporter waiting to buy drinks at the club’s bar. “It’s a shame she had to leave to help her mate al- At temple yesterday, David and Joseph most as soon as she finished the drink.” showed up in the same crisp white shirt and While waiting for Xenia, Dominic bought striped tie combo. It’s undoubtedly a winning himself two more drinks and one shot of vod- look, and one that manages to be both clas- ka. “I just needed some liquid courage be- sically stylish and sharply forward-thinking. cause she’s so cool. We only talked for a few While David went for a striking grey-and- minutes but I really felt a connection,” Dom- navy stripe, Joseph opted for a more uncon- inic said. “I started babbling on about my ventional gunmetal-and-royal-blue stripe. aspirations for after uni and all this stuff, I It’s uncanny how similar David and Jo- just couldn’t help myself. I guess that’s what seph’s attire is, right down to the placement happens when you meet someone special.” and finish of the name badge, and the match- “I saw the girl he was with having a great ing leatherbound bibles. One can’t help but time on the dancefloor about 15 minutes ago,” blame a heavy emphasis on current runway said Ali Bashir, the bartender who served Dom- trends for the sameyness. inic. “I didn’t have the heart to tell the bloke.” So who wore it better? Who pulled off At the time of publication Dominic was the head-turning get-up with more flair? Malala Yousafzai, yet another Gen Z who society awards for doing what most kids do everyday. still waiting. “Not long now,” he said. You decide. Model faces on: At the temple, both David (left) and Joseph (right) opted for smizing over smiling FRONTIER COMEDY presents

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