WIN WIN WIN EXCLUSIVE TOO THICK TO STAPLE I

Electric Cafe Interview with Bumper Issue Grand Give-away Robson Green Next Wednesday IC Tops the Charts

ANDREW OFORI wide range of factors and allots the results' announcement last them a relative weight. week, viewing the THES figures as Imperial College's consistent All universities have received an extremely dubious. According to research excellence has been increase on last year's awards in the finance department £ 1 70 mil- emphatically rewarded with the cash terms, but the high flyers have lion is a more accurate estimation princely sum of £104 million in of IC's research funding, but the research funding. This is the largest increase on last year is apparently amount allocated to any university only slightly above inflation, with in the country, according to the one department source stating "we Times Higher Education UNIVERSITY FUNDING 1998 99 don't think we're that much better Supplement. The figure is made up off than last year". The amount of money from the Higher £l04m includes revenue from tuition fees,

Education Funding Council for ' :; i!':-.i.Jj?C:. i«0m which "causes us some concern". England, as well as the college's £84m It is felt that the college is in a generic income from joint projects £79m slightly more vulnerable position

with industry. The amount is a 5.1 % . £74m than last year, as the funding is the increase on last year and places Manchester £52m source of academic staffs' salaries, Imperial above Cambridge and . ': £45m and difficulties with the collection Oxford, who were rewarded £90 / Southampton £44m of student fees could strain college

and £84 million respectively. 9. £43m resources. The 1998-99 allocations are the i 0. Sheffield 141 m On a national scale academic result of a research assessment staff are exposed in having to rely exercise carried out in 1996. This so heavily on student fees. David assessment was also used to assign ySllll::: ii PMS'fiBMWsSSiM : i i i i i i i WSSM iTriesman i , General Secretary of the last year's funding levels, but Association of University Teachers, Imperial received less as some of its was far from contented with grant was used to support those clearly prospered to the detriment Government spending; "The univer- who performed badly in the assess- of the lesser universities, with 24 of sities are hanging on- by their finger ment. This time Imperial has the 135 higher education institutes nails. We recognise a serious effort retained its full award, leaving the gaining monetary increases below is being made to inject stability, but HEFCE to pay the aid bill. The inflation. it remains a constant problem while assessment procedure, which is still Imperial has avoided getting all the big policy decisions for high- under development; considers a caught up in the rapture caused by er education are on ice." College Steal STA Deal

DAVID ROBERTS on top of last year's loss of the which at present generates in Union Bookstore and recent excess of £ 100,000 worth of extra The Union has found itself £42,000 attempts by its successor, funding for Union clubs and per year worse off this week as a Waterstone's, to take over the sta- services. result of a move from College With 270 new students The which has been described by arriving on campus in Students' one senior source as "black- October, ICU have been left mail". College has demanded a with no options but to accept Newspaper 70% share of the proceeds gen- the deal, leading Andy Heeps, at Imperial erated from the space rented to ICU President, to describe STA Travel, which at present this as "the worst week of my College goes directly into Union fund- Presidency." In a letter to the ing. If the Union do not accept I Rector dated 10 March, Mr this deal then the Rector, Sir I Heeps laid out the terms on Ronald Oxburgh, has stated that I which the Union accepts the Issue the planned jCR development 111 deal; "That the Union is rede- will not go ahead. f 1111 veloped over the summer The edict from Sir Ron comes Photo: Mark Smith vacation... that the Union is shortly after College attempted not financially disadvan- 1 3 March to force the Union to pay £ 100,000 tionary and card trade on campus, taged... that the College affirms its 1 998 for the desperately needed renova- senior figures view this as the next commitment to seeing Union tion, and thus some see the move step in the Rector's master-plan to as being purely cash-driven. Coming remove ICU's entire trading arm continues on page three NEWS 13 March 1998 Football Club Fracas News in Brief.

(Take Four) (Students Affairs) to the current THIEVES WASTE team. They will be responsible for DAVID ROBERTS However, a football spokesman the welfare and academic affairs suggested that the damage caused COMPUTER of students, currently undertaken The ICU Football team has landed by the party should not be over- by the President. itself in controversy once again. stated; "A few expensive items A computing student and two The same motion also recom- The latest incident took place at were borrowed from the hotel. intruders were involved in a fist- mended that the president of IC the Kensington Park Hotel during They will be returned... Otherwise fight in the Huxley building last School of Medicine Students' the team's Annual Dinner, only two it was no different from any other week as the men attempted to Union has sabbatical status for days after a Union disciplinary ICU sports bash". He went on to steal a lap-top computer. two further years before falling in found the fourth team guilty of add "Kids ex. beer - they just don't Although nobody was hurt, the line with the other CCUs. bringing the Union into disrepute, mix". computer was broken in the scuf- after a match at Bath resulted in a Coming on top of other ICU fle and the thieves escaped from string of complaints from Bath's football related incidents this year, the building unhindered. Ken STUFF PINCHED Student Union. including the incident at Bath and Weir, Chief Security Officer, Having booked the Hotel with the destruction caused by the stressed that on no account Residents from Brabazon House, £500 cash - and thus without the Hammersmith pub crawl last should any students put them one of Charing Cross' halls, prior consent of the Union - the November, which led to all IC stu- selves at risk in this way, but returned home last Friday after- team then proceeded to enjoy dents being barred from several should call security, on 4444 for noon to find the new video themselves in their usual fashion. pubs, this is being seen as the last immediate action on any emer- recorder and Nintendo 64 games Consequently, the Union found straw by senior Union figures. gency or security alert. system absent. After a few hours themselves faced with a bill for Severe disciplinary action is of general enquiries it was con- damages totalling £1034 on anticipated. cluded that they had been stolen. Monday morning. The bill includes 5th'SABBATICAL Preliminary investigations failed to "an entire silver cutlery set and a reveal their whereabouts and the painting, which had been torn Please Note A new sabbatical position will be police were called in. down and urinated over". Faced created for 1CU in 1999 - 2000, if The scene of the crime was There will be NO Felix next with the bill Andy Heeps, ICU a motion passed at last week's sealed off while police investiga- Friday (20 March). Watch out President, has declared that he will Union Council is approved by col- tions were carried out. There was for a special bumper Easter edi- force the football club to foot the lege. The position, to be contest- no sign of a forced entry to the tion on Wednesday 25 March. bill or face disbanding. ed in the elections next February building. will add a Deputy President Mines Rock Teaching Awards

TONY OFORI graduates, unparalleled library facilities and good staff-student The departments of Materials, relations. No other institution has Earth Resources Engineering and achieved full marks in this subject the Centre for Composite with Oxford and Cambridge man- Materials scored full marks in a aging only 23 and old rivals joint Teaching Quality Assessment Camborne School of Mines scrap- carried out at the beginning of this ing 21. Other departments in IC month. were also assessed, including The assessment was conduct- Chemical Engineering and ed by the Higher Education Aeronautics, but failed to score full Funding Council for England and is marks. Prof McLean, head of the part of a national investigation into Materials department hoped that the quality of university education. this mark would go a long way to During the week long assessment a giving the department "recognition team of inspectors rigorously for its high standards". analysed various aspects of the The proud teaching staff of Mines. Photo: Mark Smith In the meeting where the tesult departments, classified as materi- was announced, Professor als technology, ranging from cur- Terezopoulos from ERE reminded riculum design to student support. the assessment was to ascertain The Dean of the RSM, the gathering that "Nobody is per- More importantly the standard of whethet departments are meeting Professor Rees Rawlings, revealed fect", to which the Dean replied, "I teaching, learning and self-assess- their attainment targets. However, in a meeting with students that think we're approaching it." ment was explored in detail to dis- this is not to say that those which they had scored 24 points out of a cover exactly how good the educa- aim low get good scores as the possible 24. The assessors high- tional package is. It is important to mark also reflects how the high tar- lighted the excellent links with note that the primary objective of gets are. industry, the high standard of the 13 March 1998 NEWS BUSA Put it to Bed

ANDREW OFORI allows medics to represent either their parent institute or medical The dust has finally settled con- college on an exclusive basis. cerning Imperial's place in the Other students of the university will British Universities Sports only be allowed to represent their Association. It appears that IC will own institute. The system has suc- be permitted to take part in com- ceeded in placating several other petitions as a 'hybrid' entry. The London universities and their subject has proved to be one of respective medical schools, and this year's most contentious should ease the transition from issues, causing numerous debates affiliate to merged subsidiary. It within ICU as well as the wider has been agreed that the system London student community. will be used until 2001, when all The issue arose because of the the universities involved will use medical schools' merger with their single entries. There is a possibility parent institutes throughout that the BUSA executive will refuse London. At IC the debate centred to give the final approval at their around South Kensington's wish to next meeting on 15 June, but the join with the medics and enter as a chances of this are being dismissed single applicant, while IC School of as "negligible" by ICU. Medicine Students' Union insisted Charlie Joynt, Deputy President on having two independent entries. (Clubs cv Societies), is relieved that Last Friday in Birmingham the the issue is at an end; "It got off to BUSA executive convened and, a shaky start - IC council didn't apparently, laid the issue to rest take the right attitude to start off with a decision to allow universities with, however we went back to the in the London Division to compete drawing board, came up with a in BUSA as 'hybrid' entrants. better plan and convinced London Hybrid entry is an ICU idea, and of the plan's worthiness". Anjit Chaudhuri forced to run down the walkway wearing only women's lingerie, after being purchased at the successful RAG / C&G Slave Auction on Tuesday. Full story next issue. Photo: Matt Kempton continues from front page that the Union Executive agreed to spend £300,000 on the essential facilities remain and expand..." redevelopment of the ground floor In his letter, Mr Heeps also of the Union Building during the Imperial College pointed out that under the summer, this puts ICU in a precari- Memorandum of Understanding - ous position. It has also been a the agreement by which College major factor in the recent resigna- determines the basis of the Union's tion of Brian Roscoe, the 1CU Shop existence - the areas designated for Manager Summer Ball the Union include "the space cur- It is the long-term strategy rently occupied by the Travel behind the move which has caused Agencies... and Sherfield Room the greatest concern. Fears that the 216C [the site of the present STA College's goal is to remove the TICKETS ARE NOW AVAILABLE Academic Travel shop] in accor- Union's right to trade, and replace dance with the terms of the lease the income generated with FROM THE UNION OFFICE agreement approved by College on increased central funding may 9 November 1993". Although this sound harmless, but Mr Heeps document is currently being rewrit- sums-up the feelings of many in the ten, the present version is still valid. Union in his letter, saying "such a 45 pounds - Students However, most senior figures ques- move would breed a dependency 50 pounds - Staff tioned believe that the Rector could culture, which would lead to the have it overturned almost at will. Mr downfall of the Union's identity and Heeps also notes that the Union pride... It is therefore essential that http://www.su.ic.ac.ukySummerBall/ paid £25,000 four years ago to have the Union receives a guarantee that the room developed so that it could the Union Shop, Newsagents and [email protected] be used by STA "converting it from a refectories continue to exist as ser- catering storeroom into the retail vices run by students for students... outlet that currently occupies the so that threats which currently space". emanate from the College can be On the financial side the out- quashed". In the end, however, the come comes as another blow, com- chain of events means that the JCR pounding the loss of income from development should now go ahead EDS the Bookstore, for which an appro- in time for the arrival of the medical priate level of compensation has still students in the Autumn, and the not been agreed, a year after the cost must now be borne in its closute. Coming in the same week entirety by College. Sjgf 4 LETTERS 13 March 1998 Letters to Felix.

You complain of ICU 'removing CASH QUESTIONS funds' from the C&.GU. As far as I THA BOMB! am aware, funds are only Dear Felix returned to ICU at the end of the Dear Felix, Since becoming Acting Honarary year, as with all clubs. The Union I am an Indian and like many of 111 gHlf IC Medics'ran Pitch Battle Junior Treasurer of City and Guilds operates a budget system, where- my brown/black friends, I'm into College Union recently, several by you submit an application for black music (soul, swing, hip hop things have come to my attention, cash before the year starts, stat- etc). The problem with IC is that most of which are related to the ing how much money you want there aren't many nights dedicated "fund with no name." and what it is to be spent on. to our kind of music so we end up It appears that the reason why Subject to approval, this is what having to go to clubs to enjoy it. the CCUs are failing to provide the you will receive. If you don't need This ends up costing quite a bit, service expected of them, is not just all of the money, it is naturally especially since we go out so due to poor union officers, but also returned to ICU at the end of the much! We went to the OSC due to a lack of funding from ICU. year. More money may be claimed Welcome night last term and 1 have In the last few years C&.GU has from the Union's Finance Council, to say, it was really shit. So when who are quite happy to fund justi- FELIX lost several thousand pounds of self we saw the advert for Tha Bomb in generated income and five year plan fied applications. Felix, we thought it would be pret- money to the "fund with no name." Union money may be spent on ty crap but decided to go and 1111 This is only significant when I social events, but cannot be used check it out anyway. I even called Issue explain what these funds could have to buy food or alcohol. This is not some friends down from Reading been used for. because the Union is mean, but University. 13 March 1998 Self generated income is the because it is illegal. Only money I have to admit that the night only money that can be used for that is earned by the club itself was bloody brilliant, especially as it www.su.ic ac uk Felix social activities under ICU Finance (self-generated income) used. only cost £1 to get in. The music rules. This means that several thou- However, you should realise that was great, the drinks were great, Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort sand pounds that could have been SGI is still union money and as there were even great cocktails Road. London, SW7 2BB. used to run bar nights and subsidise such is subject to the usual tot- (which we don't even get at the Internal tel: 58072. lax: 48072 C&C dinners, etc. has been taken by ting-up at the end of the year. If clubs), the UDH was packed! I was external tei e*v rax. o i / . ~) M ou/i. ICU from C&GU and placed in the your SGI forms a large part of very impressed, the two fire alarms Urgent out-of-hours internal; "fund with no name." your total income, there may be a did piss me off though. 48086, external: 0171 594 8086. Five year plan money is the case to set up a reserve account Why has it taken you so long to F.maii: [email protected] money that could have been used to keep hold of it, but this is gen- work out that you CAN make Friday to refurbish the C&.GU office and erally only applicable if it actual- nights at the Union enjoyable for Felix is produced for and on behalf buy new computers for use by the ly exceeds the Union grant. people like me and my friends. I of imperial College Union C&GU clubs / societies. You concerns over regalia are told my friends from Reading that Publication Board. This is just the start of what also unfounded. While ICU are this sort of thing happened all the appears to be a trend of moving the planning to sell the ties, scarves time, and I think it should. What Felix is a registered newspaper money from the CCUs to ICU. etc from the shop, they are doing would be out of this world would ISSN 1040 - 071 I If this trend continues as it so with the co-operation of the be if you could use the whole of seems sure to do, then the CCUs CCUs, who were unable to sell the building, including dBs, every Copyright© Felix 1998. Photo- will cease to operate altogether. them effectively. Furthermore, so often. Tell other London Unis graphic copyrights remain with I hear rumours now that ICU they were not making any money about the music, the cocktails etc. photographers. wants to move the sale of regalia on the sales, do ICU is really I am so sure you can make this into from C&GU to the ICU shop, reduc- doing them a financial favour. something really big, so please can Printed at the Imperial College ing the income of C&GU again. This If C&GU are not able to fund you try to make this a regular Union Print Unit, Beit Quad, is a direct parallel with the way ICU occurance and give us something the projects they require, it is Prince Consort Road, London, lost its bookshop last year. about our Union that we can boast almost certainly due to bad bud- " 1. about: Tha atom Bomb! If the funding crisis of the CCUs is geting and financial incompe- Email: [email protected]. not ended soon, then it looks more tence, and certainly not some Darshan Arun EE1 and more likely that the CCUs will union conspiracy. 1 hope you will have to unite and fight against ICU. look into these matters more Editor: Jeremy Thomson If the CCUs act together, they carefully before making a fuss at HOME SWEET Editor without Portfolio: have the majority vote on ICU ICU Council. C&GU have enough Mark Baker Council and can overthrow any more problems at the moment, with- HOME News Editor: Ed Sexton. stupid plans that the anti-CCU mega- out one of their exec making a tit Photographic Editor: Ivan Chan lomaniacs on council may have. of himself at Council. Ed Dear Y.L. Features Editor: Jon Trout The new exec will have a tough I was really touched by your let- Music Editors: job to try to rebuild C&GU, but if ICU ter to Felix [1 109, 27 February]. 1 Jason Ramanathan and Alok Jha will help them, especially financially, ERR... WHAT? don't really understand any refer- Film Editor: Chris Hickey they can start making C&GU work ences to dogs in the accommoda- Arts Editors: Danuta Pieter &. for the student population again. Dear Felix tion office. (But then 1 intent to Juila Harries Please visit the C&GU office on I think you goat and Bollocks, leave my name on this letter.) Literary Editor: William Lorenz level 3 of Mech Eng occasionally. music bad Bugger off Bastards You made me realise it was Sports Editor: Jake Thome Yours campainingly lots of love about time I got off my bum and Games Editor: Mark Baker John Quantrell RocSoc introduced myself, so here I am. Right Hand Man: David Roberts [email protected] My name is Tasha Newton, and I'm Delivery Last Week: Ed Sexton the ICU accommodation officer. In short I represent you and another 13 March 1998 LETTERS 5

9,499(ish) IC students in all matters There is nothing wrong with not lik- the Summer when flights of 5 hours Championships. to do with where they live. ing football, each to their own, but or more are possible, you can take If anyone has any Naturally, I feel awful that you what is irritating is the Man Utd cul- a winch launch and spend the day questions about ICGC or felt there was nowhere for you to go ture of pseudo-fans who are only racing around the countryside using gliding in general, then E- when you had hassle with interested because football is in nature's energy, for less than £20. mail me on Error! Bookmark not Clayponds. Has 1 been in the office, fashion and have tried to share in The best gliding weather is from defined, and I will be glad to help. you could have come to me, and if the club's success by just buying a March-October and, although it Alternatively, we have weekly you're worried about next time, get shirt or using a Man Utd product. In does take a while (40-60 flights is meetings (Thursdays 1-2) in in touch. Anyone who needs to, can the process almost all other league average) to go solo, learning is part Aeronautics Room 254 where peo- phone or email me, or drop in a note clubs are damaged, especially sec- of the fun. Gliding is one of the ple can join the club, arrange to go to my ICU resources pigeon hole. ond and third division ones, as the cheapest and most enjoyable ways gliding and find out more. Our Tasha gulf in money and interest between of learning to fly, even at non-uni- main aims are to give everyone the 0958 707 415 the top and bottom in football is versity clubs where flying similar chance to find out what gliding is [email protected] pulled further and further apart to gliders costs around three times as like and to help people to progress the point where clubs fold. This will much. We also run subsidised as fast as their money and free time be illustrated next Wednesday courses and tours during the holi- will allow. If you have any com- MONTE CARLO OR when any bar or big screen will be days, and experienced members ments and suggestions about how twice as full for the return leg than it can train to become instructors, and we can make gliding more accessi- BUST would be if any other English or take part in cross-country competi- ble to students, I would be very Scottish team represented the UK in tions (where pilots race each other interested to hear them Dear Felix Europe. I'm afraid that this now on tasks of around 100-500km) and Thanks for your time everyone, There can be no one who loves represents the unacceptable face of aerobatics competitions. Andy Holmes, ICGC. their country more, however 1 will football and the sycophants Gliding is a satisfying, fun and be backing Monaco against attached to Man Utd are the worst diverse sport, suiting both people PS. Anyone who would like to try Manchester United in next and most persistent offenders. It who just want to "get away from it gliding, but doesn't want to "gam- Wednesday's second leg of the must be best for all who genuinely all" at the weekend and people who ble" their membership fee before Champions league quarter finals care about the British national game want to combine exhilarating flying they find out if they like it, can book and would advise anyone reading to see Monaco leave the Theatre of with an intellectual challenge. a non-member's introductory flight to do the same. You don't have to Dreams victorious and put a brake ICGC has the gliders, facilities and for £18. We will reduce your mem- have held a season ticket, travelled on this runaway delirium. instructors to train people from bership fee by £9 (to £20) if you hundreds of miles to see Doncaster Richy 'Digger' Brown their first flight up to solo standard join the club on the day of your play a meaningless home game, or and beyond. The best example of introductory flight. turned out on a freezing, wet this is ex-student member Afandi PPS. The first 5 people to E-mail January evening to see Luton in the GLIDING PLEA Darlington who started gliding with me can have an introductory flight Autowindscreen Shield to under- ICGC and, at the end of his 4 year and ICGC membership for £25. stand what lies at the heart of an Dear Felix, Aeronautics degree, came 2nd in apparently unpatriotic decision. I am writing, on behalf of the British Junior Gliding No, one only has to care about Imperial College Gliding Club, to football and be concerned at the thank everyone who came to visit strengthening hand of commercial- us on Thursday 5th when we had a HAIR NEWS HAM NEWS HAIR NEWS ism and merchandising in the glider parked on the Queen's Lawn. game. These are aspects of the For those people who didn't know modern game which are increasing about this, our reason for doing so controlled by a vain, soulless band (apart from it being the club's 68th of people who buy the gear now anniversary) was to advertise our HAIR CUT that football is fashionable but do offer of an introductory flight for not actually ever turn up to a half-price (i.e. £9 instead of £18) to match. You only have to visit anyone who joins the gliding club £8.00 almost any town or city in Britain to this academic year. be appalled that Manchester An introductory flight consists UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX United replica kits outnumber any of a briefing by a qualified instruc- INCLUDES: other team. This is the modern tor, followed by a 10-20 minute social problem of the popularisa- flight (dependant on weather con- CONSULTATION with stylist to discuss your style, try tion of football which has manifest- ditions) in our two-seat training a new look and learn how to manage and control your hair. ed itself largely upon Manchester glider. Membership of ICGC allows United, presently by far the most you to continue learning to fly in A- SHAMPOO followed by Herbal Conditioner and scalp successful team around. This must our gliders at only 12p/minute (free massage. not be taken wrongly by genuine after 2 hours), and also makes you Reds fans who will realise along a member of Lasham Gliding V PRECISION HAIR CUT by fully qualified hair stylist, experienced in modern hairdressing. with fans of the game that the cur- Society (the biggest gliding club in rent manager and team are the the country) where we are based. - USE OF HAIRDRIER with complementary gel or best package the English game has Lasham has the best launching mousse to finish your style. seen for years and the vast majori- facilities in the country, and our ty of those who pack Old Trafford launch fees are subsidised by the OPEN 9-00AM - 6.00PM are as genuine as those who rattle Union giving us a 40% discount. Last Appointment for Hair Cut 6.00pm around in Belle Vue or Spotland. This means that on a good day in Phone tor information oil other special offers, e.g. Perms. Highlights, Tints.

Deadline for letters is 6pm Tuesday. Letters may be edited for TREVOR ROY SALON length, but will not be altered or corrected in any other way. 52 Kensington Church Street, W8 Letters may be signed or anonymous, but please show your swipe TEL: 0171 937 6413 card when submitting them. 3 minutes from High St. Kensington & Notting Hill Gate NOTICES 8. EDITORIAL 13 March 1998 Editorial

ICU Promotional Video It's Election time! Once upon a time, there was old, retain any profits received from its Publications board posts for old document called, although trading activities or rental charged A promotional video for ICU is next year are up for election. nobody knows why, the to its franchises to fund legitimate currently in the planning stage. They are: Memorandum of Understanding. student activities." Doubly strange If you think that your club, soci- Chair, Treasurer, Secretary. Archaeologists, after years of then, that the document dates ety or event should be included Phoenix Editor, Alternative studying the bizarre and bewilder- from the same period that histori- then contact Mark Baker in the Prospectus Editor, Web ingly complex language, have come ans believe formed the beginning Felix office, or at to the conclusion that is was an Editor. of the Legacy's great empire build- [email protected]. agreement between what is now If you are interested take ing era - subsuming a little book- Please get in touch in you called the Great Impetial World shop, travel agent and bar before yourself, a proposer and ten would like to help with the Legacy and something called moving on to annex other campus- seconders to the Union organisation or filming too... "Imperial College Union". Says the es, universities and entire coun- Noticeboard on the Ist floor There will be a meeting on document: "The College will con- tries, but we all know that. Indeed, of Beit Quad (opposite the Tuesday 17th to talk about what tinue to involve its students", what- the document was in force during office). should be in the video - feel ever they are, "through the this entire period (though it was Then turn up to the free to turn up! Imperial College Union, in discus- watered-down in 1998) but must Publications Board AGM on It will be held in the Clubs & sion on all policy and administra- have been totally disregarded; take Societies Resource Centre at Tuesday 24th March 1998, in tive matters concerning students' for instance "ICU may occupy... in 12:30 on Tuesday. Felix at 6:30pm social, cultural, welfare, sporting, order to fulfil its legitimate role and academic and other appropriate may allow outside organisations to interests."(it was written in the use whole or parts of it for any City and Guilds College Union Needs You: days when sport and cultural activ- agreed purpose... No 4. Sherfield ities were still permitted by the Room 216C [STA Travel] in accor- Positions still need to be filled for next year: Legacy). Stranger still, it appears to dance with the terms of the lease actually offer concessions to ICU: agreement approved by MPG on 9 - Ents Officer - want to organise big and great events? "Any changes to this document... November 1993", in place when, - Publicity Officer - Got better ideas than Saatchi & shall be as a result of full consulta- according to a rare surviving copy Saatchi? We want you. tion with ICU and as finally deter- of the evil anti-legacy newspaper mined by the Governing Body Felix, the J YA shop was taken by - Guildsheet Editor - Your chance to slag off the RCS [Power and Fortune to the the college without consultation or to 3000 students. Legacy]." What can it possibly Governing Body approval (Power mean? Let us look inside... and Fortune to the Legacy). Please come round to the City & Guilds Union Officer, Room Here we find the greatest sur- But then again, the Legacy 340, Mech Eng, for more information. prise of all - the Legacy allowed would never have got where it is allow ICU to operated and profit today giving concessions to weak, from trading activity on its own subversive influences such as this property - "1CU may continue to Imperial College Union seems to operate legitimate trading activities have been! in the College", and "ICU may

THE Please Note HAIRSALON There will be NO Felix next 15a Harrington Road Friday (20 March). Watch out FELIX for a special bumper Easter edi- South Kensington London SW7 3ES tion on Wednesday 25 March. (1 Minute walk from South Kensington Tube) WEEK CUT & BLOW DRY MONDAY Arts Meeting - 1 pm. For all inter- BY OUR TOP STYLISTS ested in exhibitions and theatre Free CDs! Features Meeting - 1pm. If you £15 LADIES want to write or layout features, Well, not really... £13 MEN take photographs, or just have an idea, come along. The Haldane Collection Normal Price £30 Books Meeting - 1 pm purchases music which can be borrowed by any member of Film Meeting - 12 noon. the library.

WEDNESDAY Madness all day 10am - 3am. Music buyers have been Not recommended for the unini- appointed and are eagerly tiated. waiting for your suggestions!

Please fill in a form from the Library so that we can get what Music Meeting - 1.30pm. For you want. Telephone 0171 823 8968 free music, just turn up.

ACCESS VISA MASTERCARD CASH CHEQUES 13 March 1998 COLUMNS

One of more useful things about public hear what its supreme body themselves suspended, although Hon"- members and ex- having new governments is that they was discussing. Instead it is used they may soon be unpaid. There are members of the Cabinet and take a fresh look at affairs, and find now to interrupt debates, something certain limits to what can be done party leaders) will no longer it politically a great deal easier to which it can do to good effect. within disciplinary policy - a person receive preference in the change them. With this in mind, one Another ridiculous regulation up returned by a constituency should speaking order, to allow all of the first acts of the present for the scrapheap is the rule that a not just be told he can't turn up or Members to receive equal treatment Government was to form a cross- Member must be "seated and cov- vote anymore, since that goes within the chamber. party Modernisation Committee, ered" to make a point of order dur- directly against the principle of One of more interesting, and which looked at ways of making the ing a debate. Opera hats are placed democracy, but there are certain perhaps most important recom- Commons more user-friendly. This at strategic points around the cham- things that can and it seems, will be mendation from the committee was has just submitted its report to the ber, and whilst one is being passed done to redress the balance. On the that certain bills could go through House. This report covers aspects of Parliament more slowly, taking two the debating process itself - more Hamish Common years rather than just one. The fundamental changes to the ways administrative nightmare of allowing MPs work and live are months, if not the Channel Tunnel Rail Link Bill to years away. Westminster take longer than a single parliamen- Some of the things that are like- tary term (period of time between ly to be scrapped seem to have long Queen's Speeches) was generally lived past their usefulness. Under Eye considered to be senseless waste of present Parliamentary procedure, if time. This would prevent debacles a Member shouts "1 spy strangers", such the law creating the Child the Speaker must call a vote on to the Member making the point, issue of general behaviour within the Support Agency, which was rushed whether to ban "strangers" from the they tend to cover their head with a chamber, various ideas that were through without proper scrutiny, room. Strangers are people within piece of paper. The vision of an MP proposed (mainly by the new intake) bequeathing us the present mess. the Parliamentary building who are making a serious point on parlia- were discarded: Members will still The minutiae of parliamentary not Members or Peers. The name mentary procedure whilst wearing a address the Speaker, rather than procedure may seem dull to those Strangers itself is up for review - it is silly hat has, in the view of the each other; Members will call each not involved (if you think this lot was considered not particularly welcom- Modernisation Committee, "almost other "the Hon Member for [con- bad, the don't read Erskine May, the ing. The procedure was originally certainly brought the House into stituency]" rather than by name (this 600+ page guide to procedure: vet- adopted to prevent agents of the greater ridicule than almost any was to make it more difficult to refer eran MPs say they still don't under- monarch listening in to debates and other. We do not believe that it can to each other quickly, to stop stand it all) but it is vitally important reporting the results back to the be allowed to continue." debates degenerating into slanging in the passage of sensible legislation palace. It was also used during the The House is also cracking down matches); Members will still vote in and maintaining Parliament high in Second World War for security rea- on bad behaviour from its members person; and finally, the Speaker can the public esteem. If the sons, although it could never realis- - showing a new sensitivity to public still hold Members to account for Government can do this well, they tically be used now, since it would opinion on its rowdiness and ill-dis- their behaviour. One change will will certainly have left at least one not look too impressive for a consti- cipline. Presently, Members can occur though: members of the Privy good legacy to its successors. tutional democracy not to let the obtain some free publicity by getting Council (those who are called "Rt [<{^CS ChemDfaw Pio - [Untitled document-1 ] iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii in II [7*1 File Edit Tools Obiect Structure Text Curves Color" Estimate Window LJ I— : i; "TO |G£|H| m\ ! 1 1 H 1 ^l

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When I first heard about this on Kent. Provided Wye College's ly wish to see a much reduced who used to receive payments Wye College 'merger' a couple of land is not covered by ancient monarchy that is far cheaper to are now supported by the Queen months ago, I was puzzled, as I rules that prevent resale or rede- run than the current arrange- directly. Moreover, when one was last Friday. What, I pon- velopment, something we nearly ment. For the most part, this is considers that the Queen and dered, does Imperial College, always fall foul in these situa- rubbish. The supposed desire for Prince Charles pay income tax one of the leading universities in tions, Imperial could make a for- reform stems principally from and that surplus income from Britain, want with a tin pot acad- tune. For their part, Wye gets to poisonous, trouble-making thugs the Crown Estates are given to emy for apprentice carrot trade in their on Fleet Street, the Treasury, the idea that we crunchers from minor public Ford Fiesta fabricating cannot afford the status quo is schools? A combination of too degree for a Qj rather than ludicrous, a malicious slur by many late nights and an exces- Bentley-esque (C*} reporting the those who seek to attack the sive study of the fine ales of qualification. f^J ly} national great institutions of state. Such Southside meant that I was It almost /"Y*> debate. With penny-pinching is not only dam- being very naive. There is only sounds too f""t* the proposals aging to the monarchy, but por- one reason in the world why IC good to be ~J that the Queen trays an image of Britain as a would want Wye. '350 hectares in true. In the c f*^ has been forced spent force to the rest of the Ashford, Kent.' That would be the past, such o to present, we world. We have already had the Ashford that is close to the wonder deals C_ ["""1 run the risk of Britannia fiasco, which, for a

Channel Tunnel rail link, I pre- have been. ' IT- makmS the maritime nation, was deeply sume. For anyone who still Please let this iy) Royal Family so humiliating. To cut further the thinks that some deluded soul in cynical old i I ordinary and expenditure on our head of state, the upper echelons of the scribe be insignificant at a time when government College sees academic benefits wrong. that its very existence comes into offices are being refurbished at from this, let me reassure you question. The cost issue is par- exorbitant cost, is outrageous that this is simply good, old In recent times, the Royal Family ticularly galling. After the and must be stopped. fashioned asset stripping. When seem to have been under a changes of the last few years, the the link is built, land in the prox- relentless pressure to reform. Civil List is now limited to Her imity will skyrocket in value as This drive has supposedly come Majesty, the Duke of Edinburgh the world and his wife descend from 'the people', who apparent- and the Queen Mother; those

The Xenophobia of our times

A conference organised by Federation of Students' Islamic Societies (FOSIS) 18 March 1998 2 - 5pm and New Lecture Theatre, Room 2B18 University of London Union (ULU) Kings College, Strand, London. Contact: 0181452 4493. Sponsored by For advanced booking, contact: [email protected] The Islamic Foundation IMPEKS 13 March 1998 COLUMNS

e) QUO3 LTD

ROASTING - Part 1 per lb + 15 min for joints with a bone. you like crackling, buy a joint with its skin still on To continue the oven theme I thought I'd do Lamb. The only piece of lamb I reckon is (this also removes the need to baste the joint. a little resume of roasting techniques. Roasting really worth roasting is the leg. All the other bits Bonus). Either way, score the top side of the is one of my favourite methods of cooking and are best grilled. A really tasty way of seasoning joint with a sharp knife down to the flesh, rub has loads of advantages e.g. the food tastes this is to insert slivers of garlic into the leg by with oil and seasonings. You can use practically great, you don't use much fat, it's ridiculously cutting deep holes into it using a long thin knife any herb, spice or combination on pork. I'm par- easy and it keeps the place warm. and pushing slices of garlic right down the cut. ticularly partial to a mixture of salt, pepper, cin- A few general points to start with. Roasting Then rub with olive oil, salt and rosemary. Place namon, mustard (powder) and sugar but garlic, implies using a quick, fierce heat. For meat this cloves, bay, laurel etc ad nauseam are all excel- means you need a good quality piece of around lent. Once flavoured, put the joint in a tin and four pounds so get some friends around. The into the oven at the usual 220°C, gas mark 8. oven needs to be very hot when the food is put After 10 minutes reduce to 180°C, gas mark 5 in, generally 220°C, gas mark 8. for the rest of the cooking time. If the joint does Right, first off, Beef. Suitable cuts include not have any skin, baste every 30 minutes. sirloin (expensive), silverside and chuck. Have a Total cooking time = 35 minutes per lb + chat with your local family butcher and decide. 35 min for boned joints, or 30 minutes per lb + Whilst your oven is warming up, wipe the joint 30 min for joints on the bone. with a damp cloth, season it with salt and pep- That's all for this week, I'll do fowl and veg- per and place it in a roasting tin with some fat. etables next week. However, a quick word on The best fat is of course beef dripping but but- carving (cutting up the roast): it's an extremely ter will do I suppose. You'll need about 1 oz per Roast Duck (not featured on this page) complicated subject that demands a lot of skill pound of beef. Put the roast into the very hot and practice. Needless to say I've got neither so oven and leave for 10-15 minutes to sear the I just hack whatever it is to pieces. Oddly meat and then reduce to 180°C, gas mark 5. in the hot oven for 10 minutes and then reduce enough, it tastes just as good. You'll need to baste the joint every 30 minutes the heat to 180°C, gas mark 5 for the remaining Antoine to keep it nice and moist (this involves remov- time. No basting involved. ing the joint from the oven with an appropriate Total cooking time = 25 minutes per lb + insulating thing, pouring the fat in the tin over 25 min for medium cooked, 30 minutes per lb the meat using an large spoon and putting it + 30 min for well done. back in the oven). Pork. I recommend (but again, your local Total cooking time = 20 minutes per lb + butcher is the expert) that you use leg, loin or 10 min for joints without a bone, or 15 minutes shoulder for roasting, with or without a bone. If

Thought For the Day Homeless and Hungry

reshers, Romans, country- Accommodation Office just isn't a distinct lack of social ability; one bruise-free by week six, consider a men, pin back your ears. Land that philanthropic. alcohol-blooded Southside Bar res- career move towards counselling. 1 F is very expensive in London. Most folk in Hall last year knew ident, displaying an advanced tal- also confidently predict that We don't have nearly enough Halls precisely with whom they would be ent for stomping up the stairs at 4 nobody will wash up, empty the of Residence at this fine establish- living, when and where, by the end am and managing to knock every- bins, tidy the kitchen, hoover, clean ment. This is demonstrated invari- of the first term. If you have not thing, and I mean everything, over; the bath and toliets, or anything ably by surveys such as the Times considered these finer points yet, it finally one trance - garage - house - else, until blood is spilt. And who's Good University Guide, in which isn't worth expending precious drum 'n' bass - trip hop enthusiast going to clean that up? Imperial's biggest Achilles heel, adrenalin; these good intentions with a stereo capable of shattering Choose insurance. Choose a TV especially in deference to those often falter when the individuals Stonehenge and nine ounces of licence. Choose paying the bills upper-crusties at Oxbridge, is its involved find that rather than being "personal use" hashish stashed early. Choose a house with a dish- woeful lack of accommodation. (1 blood brothers for life, they are under his bed, making everyone in washer, and a lounge. Choose #50 said accommodation, not women. utterly sick of the sight of each the house paranoid for their entire rent per week with no shared Honestly, do you never think about other by the Summer Term. When tenancy. Once you've got the rooms. Choose a flatmate with a anything else?) The unfortunate this happens, students end up place, the fun but starts. If your Playstation. Choose the biggest practical upshot of this is that you sharing an expensive, draughty, rent includes bills, you are blessed room. are going to have to find some- cold, Victorian flat in Earl's Court / indeed; there's nothing quite like Frankly, after four weeks of where to live next year. I see you South Kensington / Bayswater spending a Sunday afternoon fruitless searching, you will choose hadn't thought of that. Planning to (delete as appropriate) with the fol- analysing the 'phone bill and accus- the only place you can get. just get another place in Hall were you, lowing lot: one smelly heavy metal ing each other of spending £20 on don't blame me when the windows or just sleep on someone's floor? enthusiast, complete with guitar 0898 numbers. Expect to start get- leak. Perhaps you could crash out in the and 747-size amplifier; one ting on each other's nerves by week AH Campbell service duct at the end of the land- Engineering student with horn- three - week four if you are ing. Sorry, guys, the rimmed glasses, six computers and extremely lucky. If you are all M 10 INTERVIEW 3 March 1998

The Many Faces of Robson Green

Clare Ashwin tracks down the I ?r half of Robson & Gerome and Soldier Soldier hearth rob for an lusive interview...

trange events were taking place around drama award. Paul saw me in The Gambling Hammersmith. Innocent medical students Man and liked my work so asked if 1 would be Son their way to a lecture were over- interested in doing Reckless so we got together whelmed by the presence of a film crew outside for that and now we are working on a second the Reynolds building and even more amazed to series of Touching Evil. The first episodes should spot Robson Green, star of TV's Soldier, Soilder be shown about April. and one half of the successful singing duo C: So what about the music career then? Robson &. Gerome, calmly eating a sandwich! R: (laughs) Music career? Well.. 1 was actually a Well I am never one to pass up an opportunity, professional singer for four years before I and the lovely bloke agreed to be harassed by became an actor. The singles recorded with me, all in the name of journalism. So, after 15 Gerome took off really quickly, it was weird. We hours of filming (thats him not me), I asked sang the first single Unchained Melody in the him... series and were approached by record compa- nies wanting to release it, suddenly millions of CLARE: So what were you filming for today, people were buying our records! It was fun but 1 Robson? am glad 1 got out when 1 did. ROBSON: It is for the second series of a TV C: No plans for another single then? drama called Touching Evil which is about the R: No! There is something rather corrupt about motives and psychology behind serial killers. I the music industry, very fickle and competitive, am a detective in the serial crime unit, it's not there is no sense of community... And you can you support. about what they do but why. quote me on that. (1 have!) R: (grins) Which one do you think? C: similar to Cracker then? C: What did you think of the Brit Awards and the C: Um... Newcastle? R: Yes, very similar, it is written by Paul Abbott water-throwing episode? R: Yes! (Silly question really!) who wrote many of the Cracker episodes. He is R: 1 thought they were self-obsessed and self- C: (Desperately trying to think of a new, inter- a very talented guy who writes very truthfully, he conceited arseholes! It was a pointless act esting and original question to ask) So how do is very good at adapting life's experiences and which effectively insulted the people that are YOU eat your creme eggs then? (Oh my god. I relating them to his work. paying thier wages. 1 wouldn't have done it, the can't believe I just did that.) C: Wasn't he involved with Reckless too? whole awards business is just for the music R: (looks suprised then laughs) I don't eat them, (Shown on television last month, Robson starred industry. eggs are bad for you! alongside Francesca Annis as an english surgeon C: You met a lot of medical students today, C: Did you know that according to a survey by a who falls for his boss' wife.) does it worry you that the future of the Health leading women's magazine, you have been R: Yes, it has also been nominated for an RTS Service is in our hands? rated sixth in the "Optrex Dew Drops Valentines R: (laughs) No. 1 have no worries about those Eyes Survey", beaten by Brad Pitt I am afraid! that have been through all their training. I am R: The what?? I have no idea what that is all not concerned about the standards but 1 do about but I am very flattered anyway! It is a worry about those that are running the health compliment to my mum who has beautiful eyes service from their offices, behind the scenes. and my brother too. He has great eyes. Its def- The doctors and nurses are overworked and initely genetic! Now blue eyes is dominant isn't underpaid. it? C: Mmm... might meet you at the other end of C: (thinks: Brother? Hmmm. Blue eyes? Hmmm) my scalpel one day! What is it like being a I haven't really been to enough genetics lec- celebrity then? tures, sorry! R: (Groans) I don't feel like a celebrity and I R: Ah! hope 1 don't come across like one! I don't like C: Well thats about it. unless you wish to add playing the celebrity, I don't do PR evnts and any scandelous details to give me a nice head- hate doing live TV interviews. I will only do line... events to promote the project that I am working on. 1 think the musical part took off at the same THE VERDICT: Down to earth and very friendly time as my acting career and I was worried that (and the eyes are nice!) If you missed the last the music may detract from the serious work series of Touching Evil then look out for the new but luckily it has become more settled now so one in April. If you are a medic then look out for the celebrity issue is not so important. Some the Charing Cross scenes in episode three. people live off their status but I don't want to be Cheers Robson! famous for the sake of it. C: I was asked to find out which football team The world's gone {jREEIM Sports r You don't have to be an INCREDIBLE HULK Centre - v * But you do need a good PERSONALITY, the ability to deal CALMLY with people, a sense of HUMOUR, If the answer is yes, you now have the perfect opportunity to do so at the Sports Centre. be a good TEAM player, Flexibility Martyn Kenton will coach students and staff in have good INTERPERSONAL skills, all aspects of swimming, ranging from gaining confidence in the water to stroke technique.

A six week Saturday course commences as of 'union steward March 28th and is split into three groups. If you think you've got what we need ii Contact MARK Beginners (Non swimmers) On 48068 Beginners II ( Can swim 15m unaided ) Improvers ( Can swim 100m unaided ) Or in the Union Office Or e-mail [email protected] For full details please contact the Sports Centre Interviews start Weds 18th reception on Ext 48964 YOUR UNION - FOR YOU 12 MUSIC 13 March 1998

Reviews are given a mark out of MUSIC - 12 20 - ARTS five as follows...

Indigo

CLUBBING - 14 22 - GAMES kirkk Vermillion

k-k-k Saffron FILM - 18 24 - PUZZLES k -k Emerald "k Taupe

No Stars 30% Grey

CORNERSHOP THE HYBIRDS

ULU TheHybirds

Side powered out complete with hybrid of monkey and man; archive when making this album. n the day of the gig, every- the bass heavy undertones, and this is what 1 thought Richard The Beatles feature on the opening thing seemed to be hap- instantly it was clear what attitude AWarren, lead singer and instrumental. Oasis's 'Take Me O pening so fast. I got a fax the band was exuding into the ini- songwriter for the Hybirds, was. Away' sounds uncannily similar to from Wiija Records telling me they tially eager crowd. Firstly, singer This isn't a bad thing. Some fine The Only Ones and Shed Seven's had a couple of spare tickets to see Tjinder Singh was the only member music has been made by persons Going for Gold makes a guest Cornershop and I was brimming out of the five who was standing. who mostly resemble our primate appearance at the beginning of The with anticipation hours before the Secondly, he refused to even relations. There's Ian Brown and Wanderers. band came on stage. I have been acknowledge that the crowd was err... well, Steven Tyler and err... Cliche-free, inspiring and original, listening to their When I Was Born there. What is that all about? We Afanis Morissette. That Lee Evans is The Hybirds may not be. Saviours For The Seventh Time LP non stop aren't mind readers lads! Were we a funny bloke as well, isn't he? of an apparently fading guitar rock since Christmas and have been supposed to believe that they were Anyway, monkey business aside, band scene, they could well turn hooked on the melting pot of pop, actually celebrating inside about Warren's songs paint a picture that out to be. The triumphant I'm Hindi song influences, hip hop, the end of their triumphant recent tells of hard working, earthy and Coming Out feels like an emanci- sonic mashed up grooves and even tour and that they were really sooo realistic intentions. There's a won- pation from some form of impris- a bit of country and western. The happy to be there. Well, it worries derfully gritty couplet in the climac- onment: be it mental, physical, thought of experiencing this me if they were; I'd hate to see tic Stranded: 'Picture you, picture social or emotional. The punky 24 delightful amalgam of sounds was them during a bad patch. me, living life in harmony; I don't makes you turn the stereo up and too good to It is hard think so. Picture me, picture you; practice your best rhythm air guitar be true, and I to decipher do you make me feel brand new? I poses and this is what good rock headed the animosi- don't think so.' music does. It hits you hard some- down to t y This album is perfect for the post- times and it takes you away other Malet Street Cornershop Oasis crowd. It's good solid rock. times. It takes you away from the for a chilled showed to Most songs start with an easy intro mundane routine. It lifts you above out dusted their fans, before building into great big rau- the rubbish. It seems so simple down gig of though 1 cous endings. Check out the classic that it makes you wonder how a lifetime. wouldn't go rock n' roll cries of 'Yeah, yeah, some bands lose the plot. The The view as far as to yeah!' at the end of Stranded and Hybirds have the rock blueprint to I got as 1 had call it aloof- the gratuitous 'Oh yeah"s on the soar: grab a wing and prepare to my hand ness. Many cheesy rock anthem that is Bom fly. ra imprinted people part- Yesterday. There also seems to Dennis with a bit of ed with good have been a raid into the intro cheesy ULU money to humour Cornershop's frontman Tjinder in a rare witness the meant it got exactly what it with the drummer and bongo play- (This Is moment of enlightment. Cornershop deserved - nothing! Few other er maniacally killing their equip- Hardcore?!) spectacle live songs from the recent long player ment with stamina to put any top was of the whole venue seething tonight, and it would have been were spewed out with infuriating class marathon runner to shame. with masses of people, an appar- polite if they had at least recog- nonchalance, and the slightly older Bizarrely, after this torturous ently totally up for it crowd, but nised this. The band's mood of Jullander Shere (surprisingly well finale, the crowd called for an how wrong could 1 have been. ULU indifference seeped into the fans, received by the fans) started encore. No prizes for guessing that was once an excellent venue for with even the awesomely catchy promisingly enough but then turned they never returned. Cornershop's bands such as Cornershop but Brimful of Asha only causing a into a looping frenzy of psychedelia present philosophy of 'fans, who restrictions have limited the gener- minor stir of response from the that drifted on for a staggering 20 needs 'em' needs some radical al feel and atmosphere of the throngs at the front. This previous minutes, which left most people changing. H place. Now, bands have to leave number one should have caused a feeling faint and close to being Jason the stage before 11 pm! riot but the lack of any enthusiasm physically ill. It was a poor attempt The strains of Sleep On the Left and energy on the part of the band at a tranced out blitz that ended 13 March 1998 MUSIC 13

ALBUMS THE LILYS JOY DIVISION Better Can't Make Your Life Better * Heart and Soul **** mi

he Lilys burst onto the music becomes incredibly annoying. You his collection of live tracks, set of records. Unexpected scene in a tried and tested spend almost the whole time , out-takes and classic tracks Pleasures was initially released in T way to success with their while listening to the album just T was released last December. 1979 and was a defining moment song Nanny in Manhatten being wanting them to snap out of it and Due to popular demand, it was re- in the band's history and some featured in a recent Levis ad in to get with the times. launched about a month ago and is would say that it was their best which some fifties kids drive The Lilys have seemed to have just about one of the most com- album. It could be said that adding around in a converted hearse, taken a completely normal set of prehensive and well-made boxed new tracks to a classic album spreading love and flowers to tunes, which don't seem to have sets ever. It really does justice to would make it worse because it everyone. This gave the Lilys limit- any plan to them in terms of direc- the band whose career was cut contains those tracks that the band ed success in the sin- tion, start or finish and short tragically when their lead never wanted on it. The counter- gles chart with one of then just put in a lot of singer, Ian Curtis, committed sui- argument is that, as a listener or the lowest charting sickly harmonies and cide. The band formed in 1977 as fan, this set of new songs extends Levis songs ever, fol- weird bits and have hoped a result of the punk explosion but the journey that Heart and Soul lowing the likes of that the because it is so they didn't create thrashy guitar takes you on. Boombastic, Inside and reminiscent everyone will noise like the Sex Pistols or the Closer Plus carries on adding Spaceman all former jump on the band wagon, Buzzcocks; instead they made a new tracks and contains the song number ones. The Lilys forgetting that to do this kind of moody, bass-led drone that that everyone, whether or not they have now completed there must be some talent reflected their goth tendencies and have heard any other Joy Division an album, but can it there. It's almost as if the would go on to influence a multi- tracks, has heard Love Will Tear Us compete with the qual- beach boys were singing tude of bands . Singer Ian Curtis' Apart. The Rarities CD shows the ity of their previous sin- baba blacksheep in a lyrics were depressing and sung biggest transformation, though. gle? And are they as fifties as all American singing the National with a kind of monotpony that Here, it is obvious to see how the that? Anthem for five minutes trying to would normally have been boring - band developed from their early The album has been made get as many extra notes in as pos- he, however, made them worth lis- punk side to late gothic, while the purely to recreate the fifties as sible type way and it doesn't work. tening to. live CD is a testament to Ian Curtis' much as possible. Hours of editing This album has been greeted Heart and Soul contains talent. In such a small space, it is time was spent trying to recreate arms wide open by the Maker and extended versions of two of their difficult to say much more about an all of the 'zestful tangents and NME, but unless you are a fifties studio albums, Unexpected album that deserves to be in any quirky swoons and squeaks' of the kid, from that great era that no-one Pleasures and Closer as well as a self-respecting music fan's collec- era. It is all very impressive in raves about or even talks about CD of rarities and out-takes and a tion. Get it. Tell your friends to get terms of how well this is achieved, musically stay away.CI fourth CD of live recordings. The it. Get it. Get it? C! but after the first few songs, it David H first two of these are an interesting Alok

SINGLES

Pulp - This Is Hardcore give this a listen. Any fans of the J8JV1 Chain who Streem - Coming Down If they're trying to shed their Common People might get this record, get it for the B-sides Clearly influenced by both Bowie and Republica sound, they've done an amazingly convincing which are only slightly better. (and even Monaco in places), Streem are on a job of it. Sleaziness is the key here, plus an journey to the Moon. So they might as well attempt at epic-ness without quite managing to Portishead - Only You make some pleasing music on the way. Beware: pull it off. Even if you didn't rate Common Typically Portishead, but lacking any real hook- on occasions they sound a bit like mainstayers People, you'll be hard pressed to reckon this is line to reel the listener in. Depressing as expect- Babylon Zoo. But don't let that put you off. much cop. ed but there is nothing exciting happening here, unlike previous releases such as Glory Box. | ED'S ESSENTIAL CHOON J A s ON'S ESSENTIAL CHOON Jason Mainstream - Step Right Up Bernard Butler - Not Alone Recent Nude signings Mainstream probably Can you remember the epitome of poppiness Black Crape - Marbles chose their name as an escape clause, in case and class that is Yes, which had Bernard part- No one's really sure whether Black Grape still they ever got called unoriginal. Don't worry nered with McAlmont. This track is nearly up exist or not. One thing's for certain, songs from though. This song is amazing. OK, so the voice there in the same category of quality. It is both their latest album lack the same drug-addled is classic Tim Burgess with a sprinkling of Ian uplifting and intensely catchy, and it promises lunacy of It's Great When You're Straight, Yeah! Brown. Alright, the chorus is Happy Mondays- much for his forthcoming album. Marbles is good though, saved from the asylum esque with its jumpable 'Step Right Up, c'mon by the hyper-bollocks line, 'I know you swapped now, Step Right Up' refrain. And, agreed, the a kidney for a stone / Well I saw you swap a kid- sound is Baggy with not-out-of-place flute flour- Therapy? - Church of Noise ney for a 'phone.' ishes. The fact remains. You'll love it! This is a change from what you would normally expect to hear from Therapy. It is quite quirky Radiator - Resistor and much more poppy than their usual heavy You're first hit by the pounding backing section Glamourous Hooligan - Stoned Island Estate thrash (Teethgrinder), and it's not a distorted whose beats are so rhythmic they could almost An uplifting mixture of big beat and political reg- guitar headlong rush common to their last have been recorded backwards. Then it's a con- gae with an old style 'happy hardcore' pulse album. A very disappointing comeback release. stant battle between a scary voice repeatedly running through it. The lyricist obvious;y feels shouting the words 'Arise' and 'Resistor' like passionately about his subject but there seems Willliam - Tired of Fucking some kind of futuristic dictator; and a heartfelt to be lacking in this song, which would probably What a load of trash. This sounds like the former melody of 'I've been so aroused'. Gets you jiv- sound best whilst clubbing. CI Jesus &. Mary Chain member William Reid has ing. Ed just gone into a studio and started strumming his guitar. If you want to know what lo-fi is, just 14 MUSIC 13 March 1998

THA BOMBI

RIP BIGGIE SMALLS aka NOTORIOUS BIG aka CHRISTOPHER WALLACE

far it sounds like he ain't all about Thug Life and It's been almost a year since the death of Biggie ,.' o f I i ; Smalls, aka Christopher Wallace. After the loss has some introspective songs with a wide range LL Cool J of Tupac Shakur, Biggie's death ^HHHHBH JMUUUMJM^ of subject matter. The tracks L «:' record label Delores Tucker you a motherfucker/Instead of Def Jam, / Need A Beat. The following year saw now, although I am not sure what is going on as trying to help a nigga you destroy a brotha'. The him release his first album, described by the crit- he still has a contract with Death Row Records other song is actually telling a young girl who is ics as the most original album of the time Radio. to produce around 5 more albums. Snoop selling her body to give it up and go to school Suddenly LL was thrust into the public eye and appears on the Caught Up soundtrack reunited and make something of herself. the following summer he went on tour with the with ex-Dogg Pound rapper Kurupt, and appears Milen &. Roni biggest rappers, Run DMC. His second set took courtesy of his Dogg House Records. a while to hit the streets but Bigger and Deffer I have heard there is a mix-tape going didn't disappoint, at the same time he also around in Philadelphia entitled Makaveli 2 and C las s i delivered the hit single / Need Your Love. LL's contains many unreleased 2Pac songs. Death 1 to u m profile was large. LL's 1989 album Walking With

Row confirmed they are his songs and most of Jnttr VA -At a Panther was considered by most as the worst them are likely to appear on the upcoming il - Boy/ II Men thing he had ever done and there was talk that Outlawz Immortalz album, due out on Death Trie story goes a little .sumtin' like this : in the LL had lost it. This talk was quickly dismissed Row. early nineties, four guys from Phiily decided to with his next album when he got together with Outlawz Immortalz member Fatal Hussein, get together and voila, we have the multi-plat- Marley Marl for the hugely successful Mama cousin of Tupac, will release his album, and so ' i i I1 .i group Boyz li Men. Their dodgy Said Knock You Out, this set re-established LL in afro's and preppie clothes may not appeal to the hip hop world. Mama Said., featured the Phat Selection all but one things for sure, they can sing....and wicked Around The Way Girl, a top ten smash, sing real weil too as demonstrated on this, their LL won his first Grammy for Best Rap Solo. 1993 Too Close - Next sophomore set, released in 1994. saw the release of 14 Shots to the Dome, this Wicked track from the album Rated Next Collaborations with the likes of Dallas was real weak in comparison to his previous Austin, jimmy jam &. Terry Lewis and the pro- effort, but still reached platinum, to make it five Royalty - Gang Starr feat K-Ci 8>. Jojo duction master Babyface led to four hit singles in a row for him. Next up was Mr Smith, this fea- Guru and Premier do their normal high class - the ballads I'll Make Love to You (the biggest tured the classic Hey Lover, this song featured thing whilst Jodeci boys K-Ci and Jojo hook up selling single in America of ali time). Water the vocal styling of R&JB group Boyz II Men. Hey for the R&B bit Runs Dry and On Bended Knee as well as the Lover ended up being one of the biggest tunes spunky Thank You. Virtually every cut on the on LL had ever made and also gave him his second Who Am I - Beenie Man the alburn has quality written all over it, notably Grammy award. Along with Hey .. the Tune, people be going mad for this on the Vlbin' and the Brain McKnight penned Tallin'. album also featured Doin' It and Loungin', floor and even in the charts Tight melodies, incredible harmonies, (check all these went to making Mr Smith LL's the accapeiia Yesterday if you disagree). biggest selling album to date. LL's latest How Can I Get Over You (remix)- Taral Shawn, Nate, Wanya and Michael are clearly offering is Phenomenon this is not in the Funked up version utilising Total's 'No-One the best R'n'B group out there. Accept no class of Mr Smith, but LL has high hopes for Else' and Luniz 'I got 5 On It', a definite floor watered down substitutes this is the real deal, the singles after they get the remix treat- filler. Oh, did I mention LL helps out too? y'all. Gloria ment. Milen 13 March 1998 MUSIC 15

CLUBSCENE - COMPILATIONS COMPETITION STATE OF THE NU-ART VOL.2 (BluePIanet Rec)

tate Of The Nu-Art are back a sample from what sounds like Mung-La Cream da la Cream break 'n' beat is there for a reason, bigger and better than War of the Worlds, down tempo superb bendy bass tone and the meticulous attention to detail. And S before, and five of you have beats and some ruff scratching. way the track builds is pure genius. I positive many many hours were got the chance to win, not only These CDs aren't mixed but you Marc Williams-T/ie Return of the spent programming these essential State of the Nu-art Vol.2 but hatdly notice as they are so well Prodigal Son raises the tempo with pieces of listen to perfection. With you'll also get a copy of Vol.1. arranged, real cohesion between a intelligent, funky rolling drum 'n' tracks covering every sub-genre of For those of you that don't win tracks they just roll into one anoth- bass track, wicked horns, cool film electronic music I can think of and now get a double CD or quadruple er. Paradox-Daylight Robbery is a sample and hard 'n' fast chopping then some. vinyl for your money. Blueplanet track that I instantly fell in love beats. The final three tracks keep A treat for the musical con- records coming out of Germany with, a vocal sample most should with the drum 'n' bass licks. noisseur and the open minded. have gathered together a compre- recognise, that works so so well The second is more deep tech- Now to win your very own hensive collection of works, cover- with the rugged 'n' raw beats. no orientated often with a down copy of not only vol.2, but vol.1 ing all styles of electronic music Blackbean sauce-Sfrefc/? is an tempo pace, with tracks by artists as well is tell me what country (hip-hop, downbeat, funky dub, out 'n' out rap hip-hop as is The such as Air Liquid, Jammin' Unit, BluePIanet records are coming up-tempo cyber-funk, techno and Next Wavelength but in a totally Dr. Walker, and Atomic Dog. out of: A. Finland drum 'n' bass). This all adds up to a different style. It is amazing the This is music for the mind, B. Wales highly original, deep and extremely amount of styles featured here, music for the thinking man/woman. C. Germany. funky album. showing the true strength in depth Where every track has been made Entry as normal, E-mail CD. 1 Digital Truth, get the jour- this music has. for the love of the music, not com- t.j. morgan, ic.ac.uk. JP ney underway with smooth strings, Also out standing tracks by mercial gain. Where every single JOHN B VISIONS (New Direction)

structed superbly, with John classi- standard drum &. bass to you and as each track is so different and so cal training shining through the me. By that I do not mean to imply strong, there's no real running productions, which ate full of funk. unoriginal ot not cutting edge theme. When you think about it The jazz influences are very material, but unlike the first CD it most other D8J3 albums being prominent, but not so much as to doesn't exploring just one style to released to date are ether a compi- put off an open minded drum &. the max. lation of various artists, or feature a bass fan. Some of the inspired This CD is mixed to perfection lot of remixed old material as well pieces of work are jazz Sessions 2. combining ten tracks all created by as new. Very few single artist The Man Behind The Music I've never heard a trumpet sound the one man. Starburst sets off albums have featured 21 tracks so good, and it sound as if it could with an intro that could be from with the majority being totally new his debut album from John B be recreated using live just instru- Chariots of Fire then it pans out to material. The man is a genius. is again in that jazz D&J5 ments ? but still tetains a very funky be a top notice roller. This is one of So many styles are covered Tfusion style which is coming jacking drum bass track. Slam the things I love about D8J5 is that here. The jazz element being on strong recently. You get two Funk (moog mix) and Jazz Sessions their are no rules, you can use any explored to the outer limits, dark (Organic CDs cover the jazz experi- 1, a awesome college of beats and sound or sample you like as long as menacing numbers, futuristic step- Synthetic ence and which covers live instruments and when it drops it works. pers, intelligent crazy kutt up break more normal D&B) or a very nice in you know all about it. Future funk This is so impressive, it could beats. So by the looks of it this is vinyl box set for your money. in full effect. be a standard set you'd hear in a one of those must have pieces of CD1. Organic is a full on jazz CD2. Synthetic is described as club or mixed CD you would never work, that'll be talked about and D&£ affair that I have to say is con- a harder analogue tip which is just guess that all this is one mans work played for years to come. JP

CLUBSCENE - ALBUMS

GARAGE DRUM 'IM' RASS

H Life Feat. Da Scat Cat. RBM. Strong Loving EP. Primary Motive. Venom /S Chemical Pilot. (Eruption) Lifeguard (Ripe n' Ready) Out Now. (Creative Source) Mid march Astral Dominoes (mixes) March. (Suth Based Prod.) Mid March. Quality vocal and dub/speed Smooth chopped up beats roll and You get remixes by Decoder, Matt It's been awhile since the last garage mixes on this one. The build over what sounds like under- Schwarz and Profound Noize, all release from the fairly new Hi-Life, beats 'n' bass roll along behind water atmosphericals and whale to a very different end results. and this latest offering could well prominent keys and a fine female calls 'n' sonar sounds, then in Decoders mix give it a Krust sort of put them centre stage, with the vocal on the more vocal mixes. The drops the deep bass tones, com- full length roll out, nice use of recent trend towards "The Smooth one I've been playing is the pleting the seascape in your mind. morse code sounds, tough beats Groove". With theit trademark dubby/speed mix, where the rolls The imaginatively titled S has very with an un-intrusive dark wah wah soulful licks, sub-bass tones, clever are reversed, strong solid beats, cleverly arranged beats, difficult to bassline. Matt mix is much more in keys and those powerful vocals stabs of keys and a cut 'n' looped explain with dreamy keys and ya face, fast hectic beats, time- from Da Scat Cat it's sure to be big vocal with a sub-bass that is worth atmos. and suttle touches of sax stretches. Profound Noize funk up in the clubs. With mixes to suit dub the wait. Guaranteed to keep the and ahh ahh female vocal blend the beats, strong bassline. If you monsters and classic vocal styles. floor moving, but the vocal can be into the beats. Another first class like a touch of darkness now 'n' a bit repetitive and annoying on offering from this label that never then, and something a little differ- heavy listening. ceases to impress me. ent it's well worth hunting down. 16 MUSIC 3 March 1998

CLUBSCENE - COMPILATIONS the eheetne cafie

Hello and welcome to another edition of the could have been nice to have a better chill-ouit competitions so you can get in for free! Electric Cafe. Hope you're all doing well. Hot on area, but that is just a minor niggle! We're running three competitions for free the heels of the Mr C interview last week, look Arriving soon after midnight, I found the CDs! The first one is for a copy of the latest out for forthcoming features on the stars of place was still warming up. This was going to be album on React Records, and the latest chapter German electronic music, including interviews a long night! The concept of the club was to get in the Dope on Plastic Series. This features the with Fauna Flash, who have been creating as many DJs as possible to play for a set amount best in blunted beats, downbeat funk and hip- Shockwaves on the international drum'n'bass of time. The idea was to keep a varied and fresh hop. Don't miss out! Here's the question. scene; Michael Reinboth, who owns Germany's sound throughout the night. 1 think that this Dope on Plastic Five was mixed by DJ |ohn coolest experimental electronic/jazz label worked. I thought beforehand that an hour-long Stapleton from Bristol. Which famous Compost Records and also DJs regularly at set would be too short for many DJs, but 1 do Bristolian drum'n'bass artist recently venues such as the Blue Note in London; and respect Craig for trying a new concept that goes received a Mercury Music Award for his work also Ingmar Koch from Air Liquide, who have against the grain. Giving each DJ a deadline to with Reprazent? produced some of my finest techno moments spark off the crowd led to a sense of urgency in The second giveaway is a new CD from 80's and also command lots of respect in the under- many sets. There were no long build-ups, each pop icon Gary Numan. His by now anthemic ground scene. spinner got straight to the point and really let Cars and tracks such as Films and Are 'Friends' Firstly, I wanted to thank everyone who the music do the talking. Electric? made him into a household name. came down to the first ever Electric Cafe music Two rooms were pumping out the grooves Now these tracks are back, but in a new shape night a couple of Thursdays ago. It really was an all night. The back room was the perfect setting and form. Some of the hottest techno artists of event that transformed Southside disco. The for complete techno mayhem. Very minimal and the moment have taken a Gary Numan Track atmosphere was very friendly and relaxed. I rhythmic. The setting was dark and smokey. The and remixed it. Names include Robert Armani, think the concept of making it into another music was good if you like hard techno. James Claude Young, Dave Clarke, Alex Hazzard and drinking area where you can chill out and chat Ruskin did an admirable job, pounding the Dave Angel. Here's how you could win a copy to people worked really well. I played from 7pm crowd into a frenzy. However, player of the on CD that has actually been signed by Gary to 1 1 pm, and a whole range of musical styles night in the main room had to be Craig Thomas. Numan himself! were covered. This was his night, and I was in awe of his set. The track Cars was recently used on a If you couldn't make it to the last one, we It was by far the funkiest thing to hit that room commercial. What was the product being are going to make these a regular feature at allnight, yet it didn't compromise the atmos- advertised? (a) Cars (b) The AA or (c) lager? Southside. The next one will be on Thursday phere or loose the crowd at all. Finally, we have copies of a ver exciting new 19th March (in less than a week). The music represented in the other room album from French house DJ Jerome Pacman. You may remember that 1 was talking about was the housier side of techno. Some very Jerome hails from Paris and is a thoroughbred a club called Analog City in my column a couple rhythmic and groovy tracks kept a very friendly DJ in the global house community. He made his of weeks ago. It actually took place last week- crowd smiling all night. All the DJs played real- name by playing some really mellow and soulful end on Saturday 7th March at The Camden ly expressive, quality sets of music; none more- house music and injecting plenty of funkier Island Market. I was lucky enough to be able to so than Mark Dale. Mark is the brother of one of grooves throughout. This mix is completely rep- check out the event for myself. After taking a lot my musical heroes, Colin Dale and is also a very resentative of his style and features the work of of stick, techno has been going through a bad highly respected DJ. I have seen him play twice artists such as DJ Sneak, Mood II Swing, Kevin patch lately. DJ Craig Thomas and his friends at now. Once was on the main floor of The End Yost and Mike Huckaby. I really do rate this mix, decided to put on this event to prove once and at an old Deep Space party where he played so grab you chance to win a copy. for all that techno is not dead, and is as musi- hard and had the crowd screaming for more. Name the Parisian dance outfit who cally significant as any other style present today. This weekend he played a very different set that stormed the Pop charts with last year's First of all, I have to say that I was really had the same effect! Techno DJs aren't versa- Homework album and a spate of singles impressed with the venue. The Camden Island tile? I don't think so! including Da Funk. Market is very clean and spacious. The design All in all, everyone I came into contact with Answers to all competitions by email to and layout was interesting as both dance floors had a great night out so well done to Analog [email protected]. are connected and you have to pass through City\ If you missed out this time round then you Have a great week! See you on Thursday at onreto get to the other. Somehow this wasn't a can catch it every month at the Camden Island Southside! problem and I never felt jostled or cramped. It Market. The Electric Cafe will be running future alxk.

CLUBSCENE - CLUB REVIEW. IT'S A LONDON THING I No.4 Club, Bishops Hall, Kingston.

his is Scott Garcia's new and do with it, you can just chill in ya seating and places to get away this week, this is fast becoming a only London residence, every jeans and trainers. from it all and chill, quite a few bars night not to be missed. TFriday you can catch the man No.4 Club was bigger than 1 and they were well staffed, but it When I was speaking to Scott, dropping the choicest cuts of expected and the decot, you still took ages to get a drink I and he told me, "what we have done is underground/"speed" garage. wouldn't call classy. But this just there is even a cafe in their what make it like a club where 1 would Kingston is a little out of town adds to the underground feel 'n' more could you want. want to go, and were getting their but when I spoke to Scott he vibe this club has. There are plenty We got down there just in time it's got the vibe, it just needs the explained that they wanted to get of classy joints in town if you want to catch Scott &. Mc Styles doing trimmings" and it's not as if he is out of the centre of town as there is what sort of thing. But few with a their thing and they didn't disap- lacking in experience after promot- to much attitude, you get a better true underground feel, it reminded point, showing that he is not just a ing the SW1 club for a year. vibe out of town. I have to agree me of the sort of warehouse raves big name producer that puts his So this is well worth a little trek with him after attending the night a of years gone by. name to a club, he is a shit hot Dj out of town to experience the true few weeks back. The lack of a dress There's an adequate lighting rig, in his own right. And with guest DJs flavour of underground /speed code might also be something to a booming sound system, plenty of such as Norris Da Boss Windross garage. jo Public 17 IC RADIO 3 March 1998

YOU'RE READING IC RADIO (!!) IC Radio has a sexy new logo!!!!

Another week, another Felix, anoth- area, who's contribution totalled a er All New IC Radio Page™. This pathetic zero. Nice one kids. week I've actually got something With the quality of entries being really important to talk about, see- so high, it was extremely hard to ing as last week heralded the end pick a winner. We eventually nar- of the fabulously spanking logo rowed it down to a short list, with ' -„. competition. exceptional entries by Richard For those who are both blind Dempers and Alastair Warman. and deaf, or those who have never However, the winner was before ventured outside the con- announced live on air on Thurday fines of their room, 1 will explain. during John C's lunchtime show to The logo competition was launched be Tony Broomfield. ages ago now, supported by an Tony received his award at a advertising blitz of a scale so huge secret venue somewhere in that it has only ever been sur- America, and mysteriously in 1994. passed by the launch of a new In an emotional acceptance speach Tony shows off a little cup we Michael Jackson album (only he said "I just like to thank every- knocked up to a jubilant crowd. because the council refused to let one for voting for me. Cheers. Just us float a two hundred foot replica be proud of. as well I thought to wear a Brazil In session this week. of the radio station down the We have had loads of entries kit, eh?" We were all lined up to be record- Thames). Since then the entries which is wicked. Its a big fuck off to As the standard of entries was ing an interview with the Bluetones have been flooding in, resulting in those who accuse us IC students of so high, all shortlisted entries will this week, but Radio One stepped the destruction of acres of tropical being apathetic, although the fact be displayed in the Radio station in at the last minute and decided rainforest, and the deaths of thou- that the prize was £50 of music for one week only. Entrants are that they wanted them. So, if any- sands of small fluffy animals. might have something to do with it. more than welcome to collect their one wants to boycott Radio One in However, the effort has been worth Entries from Imperial pissed over entries from the station after then. the name of student radio, feel it, as now IC Radio has a logo it can entries from other colleges in the yon Crabb free...

WEEKLY SCHEDULE Student Radio Broadcasting 24 hours a day to the JCR and across campus on 999am Network Chart

friday Saturday monday wednes thursday The Replicants Hogwash Farm (Warner) Annie Christian Love This Life All empty spaces Gareth John C 12 ; iJ ijSBlfi "811 iijsSSf If if; feature new Djs on ...... Anything goes for Doing her thing in New music, com (Equipe Ecosse) rotation. fcencer's weekly this dance-retro fwt cf.«.y and petitions and gen Young Offenders Lose Control - 1 the week If you want to . < ,-. I the lunchtime party eral banter from (Columbia) become one of this v ... if" the comic genius Libido Revolving Tobi (T. Guy) Disco Diamond at \ Mark John. Phone 58085 ';:<":>„«; pj Uv?' :,;!;- (Fire) i The coolest man 1.30. It don' 1 hope you're ready with your requests ever to hit R8J3. better than this' poich of random for this! Ring 58085 Montrose Ave Where Do I Stand 2 Freestyling it big. for ANYTHING (Columbia) Alabama 3 Ain't Coin' To Coa Mark and Darklord: Dennis (Elemental) 5 - (lived over a stove The |oker sends Easy, cheesy, char- Pulp This Is Hardcore ' li J :ii ' .... hot you an electric ty, arty, indie-sch- pre: i nt (Island) 6 mindie shite Ether Watching You 6- Niltl2: Gold Andy Nu Mustk The Chef (Parlophone) The latest D fk B and As Andy will testi Bringing you the Will cook you up Mover Tricolore fy, all that glitters newest music and one of his speciali swing grooves in a (A8JV1) 7 rotund manner is Gold .. i.>.".'./iy Cyrano? ties Blak Twang Red Letters

ftMWijItaSifllft1^ 'i. Lana Julia SRN Chart Justin is new, Ian Sample (MBA Records) 7- Hj?tj%«8!SlC'toV Johnny Hates Jazz, III punch you VHtjj A rundown of the shiny and can be Radio One award Travis More Than Us fk into but Lana lurves it. i . ii , -stuff. most played songs used instead of contender digests (Independiente) Tune in to chill out pen the US, wild! on the network gloves when > the news 8 James Destiny Calling (Fontana) Laurie: DJ Pugwash and rhii .n Nolan the top 8- Mandatory listen Hip-hops his way With live sets and choice of post- Arab Strap Here We Go ing for those who This amazing duo into a hardcore ;i< sport tunes with an (Chemikal Underground)

know about quality : frenzy nr-. - indie accent 9 j^lligll^e; «/f S i: >: from Arkarna The Future's Overrated like you've nevei (WEA) had it before. One Steve Metal Electric Cafe The four Skins Jon and Ali Ian Brown Corpses 9- of the best shows iffijSsrrtefiJslci^iiHS Now you can We thought we'd Take you to the on the schedule loll ifrgffillii mill! i spend two hours seen everything, Vinyl frontier and (Polydor) 10 and a must for i^lltlKiig'^cHIIIsg; listening to the until rnis... beyond Pressure Drop Bad Minded your ears electronic under- (Higher Ground) Tom Spellman: Jenny: Imperial Tom and Christian Dj Sianidc 8. DJ lO- Essential for those An hour of R&J3 with Underground He's not a Desire A retro, who like their someone who has a Techno and harder Chrisitan. Though spect of Hardcore, ll beats BIG very attractive voice vibes with Stoppa he is quite tall ap|. 'ientry. © Student Radio Network 1998 ICU Cinema

The Third Man Stm 15 March 8pm FREE SHOW*" f Jf Tomorrow er DR

Wed 18 Marc* 6pm & Thurs 19 March 9pm f

Wed 18 March 8:45pm & Thurs 19 March 6pm Each show £2, except Sunday shows which are FREE. Imperial College or ULU students & staff. Compulsory annual membership of £1 (payable on first visit). Doors open 15 rojtibtesi feeiitefij^e stated. IQU Cinema is no smoking but drinks from Da Vinci's bar are welcome. F.&OE: ROAR. Join the Revolution The Society is Changing

as of this Sunday and at every Sunday Show thereafter, members of ICU Cinema will be able to borrow books and videos free of charge, all that is needed is your membership card and a refundable £20 deposit. We are aiming to offer books and videos that are not readily available and great titles that perhaps you haven't heard of. For further details write to [email protected]

Sundays are free 13 February 1997 FILM 19

REVIEWS AND COMPETITIONS AS GOOD AS IT GETS

Starring: Jack Nicholson, Helen Hunt, Cuba Gooding Jr Director:|ames L Brooks

romantic lead who suffers sarcastic tirades. Helen Hunt is a from obsessive-compulsive waitress who works in Jack's Adisorder must be a first for favourite cafe and has a special Hollywood, but that is the situation relationship with the dysfunctional in the excellent As Good As It Gets. loner. This is enhanced when he Jack Nicholson never uses a bar of pays for hospital treatment for her soap more than once and always asthmatic son and soon this flash switches the light on and off exact- of generosity has surprising conse- ly five times before feeling comfort- quences on all around. able. An acerbic-tongued romantic Once again Jack Nicholson novelist, Nicholson takes pride in proves himself to be one of the his ability to condescend, offend best actors in Hollywood today. and wound. First introduced to the One of the few individuals who audience as an "animal-hater", who could handle such a complex role, disposes of his neighbour's dog he delivers it with great conviction Jack Nicholson plays the vicious (but funny) Melvin down the trash chute, he soon and deservingly won a Golden reveals himself to also be a racist, Globe Award for best actor this date in this film. Matching on-screen antics. homophobe, misogynist... In year. It will be a travesty if he fails Nicholson with a Golden Globe and All in all, this might not be quite short, this man is abhorrent and will to make it a third Oscar as well in a Oscar nomination, hers is the only as good as cinema gets, but it is no doubt offend many sections of couple of weeks. straightforward character in the certainly a refreshingly intelligent the audience. Last seen in the 1997 summer film, yet she gives such an endear- character-driven comedy which There is only one person in the blockbuster Twister, Helen Hunt ing performance that she avoids deserves its seven Oscar world who can tolerate Nicholson's delivers her best performance to dissappearing behind Nicholson's nominations. U Choon

American President's reputation when, less than two weeks before Win As Good As It Gets election day, a scandal erupts and threatens to cripple the bid for a second term. Anticipating the press tickets and dressing gowns attention, De Niro creates a bigger story, a war. With the help of Dustin Hoffman, a,successful film with the producer, he brings together a range of unlikely people together to orchestrate a global conflict to ODEON rival any Hollywood production. The combination of De Niro and Hoffman's smart thinking pro- KENSINGTON duces a cascade of events, that get This week the Odeon Kensington Last week's Good Will Hunting more and more outrageous and has donated five pairs of tickets competition was very popular, with daring, in the effort to last out the plus five dressing gowns identical most of the entrants knowing that 1 1 days before the polls open. to those in the film. To have a Robin Williams was nominated for There are great performances chance of seeing the hilarious film an Oscar for roles in Good Morning from both the leading actors as the for nothing, just e-mail Vietnam, The Fisher King and Dead two characters keep playing off [email protected] with the answer to: Poet's Society. Congratulations to WAG THE DOG each other in order to keep deceiv- What is jack Nicholson's the winners who have now been Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Anne ing the press, the public and the full real name? notified. Heche, Robert De Niro CIA. The film has a very topical plot Director:Barry Levinson with the scenario being not entirely ICU CINEMA FREE SUNDAY SHOW dissimilar to that being faced by y2 President Clinton involving the ag the Dog 8:00pm, Sunday 22 March of post-war Vienna this is a mixture is a satirical alleged sex scandal and the Gulf of film noir, suspense and action look into how the media war. THE THIRD MAN thriller, with a vicious comic lilt. W and the American public All in all, this is a clever film American pulp writer Joseph can be controlled and deceived by worth watching for its outrageous, smart thinking and a big budget. "Fresh each time you see it - this Cotton arrives in the Austrian capi- yet quite believable, plot and the film has no sell-by date" tal only to discover that the friend The film stars Robert De Niro as a quality performances. D fast thinking and talking spin doc- Barry Norman who waited for him (Orson Welles) lit has been killed under strange tor brought in to revive the ICU Cinema's next free Sunday circumstances. He then sets out LESBIAN AND GAY FILM FESTIVAL COMPETITON show is one of the greatest British like a sleuth from a second rate films of all time. The Third Film is novellette to uncover the killer. Last week we were offering two film did Catherine Deneuve star one of those rare films that has had The award-winnning cine- free tickets to see Les Voleurs at with Susan Sarandon and David an irrevocable effect not just on the matography, sarcastic script and the London Lesbian and Gay Film Bowie?" was The Hunger. The art of film but also on society as a haunting music create a complete Festival. The answer to "In which winner is Chris Grant. whole. Set amidst the torn remains film. John 22 ARTS 13 March 1998

SHATTER ME, BATTER ME, BREAK MY ANATOMY

SALAD DAYS Union Concert Hall

kay, so it's the morning lacking in even the faintest trace of looking" occurs. Just when despair the stripping nuns. There was also after, and I'm sitting here credibility. This was, even more is nigh, darkness falls over the very good singing from all the prin- Odesperately trying to write obviously, the intention of the world, and we witness the landing cipals, some of whose songs up my CV, when suddenly..."We're authors; the plot is simply a vehicle of the mandatory UFO, which looks weren't the easiest in the world to looking, we're looking, we're look- for the songs, and an excuse for suspiciously like a Tardis. Here sing. There was a large amount of look-look-look-looking...." Oh, some silly dancing - and let's face comes what is possibly my shameless hamming, (but what where was I? Oh, yes, I'm it, who needs an excuse for that? favourite moment in the whole else can you do with a script like attempting to sum up the achieve- During the course of the show we thing; Troppo, one of the that?) although there was some ments of my illustrious career in a encounter a magical piano called guardians of the piano, a wonder- very nice acting, particularly as the couple of pages of absolutely truth- Minnie, who is in the competent fully cute and timid character who sober Minister for Pleasure and ful and in no way exaggerated hands of our heroes Timothy and communicates only through mime, Pastimes, and the fragile camp prose, when I'm distracted |ane, a deliciously tacky nightclub, is so terrified that he unfolds from tailor, who I only later discovered by "We're looking for a P-l-A-N- and the obligatory flying saucer his pocket a brown paper bag, and were played by the same person. O!" If by now you're wondering complete with attendant aliens. places it over his head, this remov- The universal set was simple and what the hell I'm talking about, I'm The whole show is peppered ing the cause of his fear. Now we fitted each scene well, and the being plagued by the infectious with humour, ranging form the meet the occupants of the flying costumes were absolutely stun- melodies and sparkly silliness of surreal to the downright ludicrous, saucer, a crew of lycra-clad aliens ning, especially those wonderful "Salad Days," the show which has with a few horrendous puns along with big hair and even bigger feet, aliens. I left the hall in the mood just finished a five night run aided the way. The cast really use this to who danced in a most alluring to sing and dance, and had to by the silver tongues and twinkle full effect, and we are treated to manner, their lycra tastefully cut to consciously stop myself from toes of Imperial College Operatic some truly priceless moments. reveal one nipple. Of course, for tapping my feet. I could add a Society. One such occurs during an almost the spacecraft our heroes are able couple more criticisms, but 1 don't The plot, as vaguely intimated serious dialogue, when a nun roller- to spot Minnie, and return to earth think 1 will, because all in all I in our preview two weeks ago, skates serenely across the stage, to rescue her, saving the day. After enjoyed the show so much! concerns in some way that most Martini-girl style, balancing a gin that, naturally, everyone gets Abi Kirk innocent of musical instruments, a bottle above her head. Toward the married, and they all live happily piano. In fact, not just any old end of the show, the magical ever after. piano - but "the one that maks you Minnie is lost, and everyone and Now we come to the bit you've dance!" The plot itself is, of everything is thrown into chaos. all been waiting for - my verdict. course, highly spurious, being a The entire population of London Firstly, I was impressed by the chain of events of quite unrivalled appears to be out in force search- chorus line, with excellent singing implausibility, strung shamelessly ing for her, and this is where the and diction, and some very stylish together and connected by links immortal "look-look-look-look- dancing - especially on the part of

COSI FAN TUTTE Shaftesbury Theatre

ith its improbable symmetry of the plot, the four and impossible to listen to music. disguises and farcical deceitful/self-deceiving lovers, and But then there are indie snobs who W deceptions, Cosi fan the two guardians of moral author- prefer some unknown band to tutte has often been visualised as a ity, Reason and Instinct, that anything popular, despite the frivolous entertainment, with a plot makes the opera so completely of difference in quality. In my ideal that scarcely deserves the accom- its time. The librettist, da Plante, world, this sort of musical snobbery BOOKS plished genius of his score." - worked very closely with Mozart on wouldn't exist, and opera would be Jonathan Miller, Director the opera, to produce a beautiful as popular R'n'B and indie. COMPETITION This is a shame, because the piece of theatre. I am leaving the main point of frivolity of the opera's plot high- I know that many people feel this article far behind, however. Do RESULT lights the theatrical conventions of that opera is irrelevant to their go and see the production, it's the time. Four lovers deceive them- lives, they don't like it, they can't bound to be amazing. The director The answer to the Waterstone's selves and each other by a mixture understand it, it's in a foreign is wonderful, and the opera won book of the month for March of disguises and good luck. In the language, but don't dismiss it. much praise from critics who know competition was: same way that Lois Lane can't Opera is universal, it isn't only put about opera the first time around. recognise Clark Kent as Superman on for the benefit of rich people It'll be worth it. Really. Purple America by Rick Moody when he's wearing glasses, the two and companies. It's a tragedy that Julia H sisters cannot recognise their many people don't enjoy classical The lucky winner of a £10 lovers when they're disguised as music; it's not boring or preten- More information on diary pages voucher is Ms (or is it Mr) Albanians. It sounds silly, and to a tious, and I'm not wierd for being a Bardanis. Collect your voucher certain extent it is very silly, but the fan. Of course you have musical from the book shop. For all the opera shouldn't be dismissed as snobs, who elegantly sneer at you rest of you there will be another trivial. The "artificial comedy" when you prefer Puccini to some competition next month. demonstrates reality, without obscure Yugoslavian composer Willum blindly representing it. It's the with an unpronounceable name 13 March 1998 ARTS 21

YOU CAN LEAD A WHORE TO CULTURE, BUT YOU CAN'T MAKE HER THINK

ALAN DAVIES - LIVE The Duchess Theatre

lthough Alan Davies' West he constantly paused to take ing completely lost. Most of his that we are all one of the two. End Tour for 1998, "Urban mental breathers by repeating routine consisted of pointing out So if you are a fan of comedy, ATrauma" sold out on the first earlier-introduced sound effects the little-noticed ironies that occur and are in the mood for a relaxing night, his PR people guaranteed and performing silly dance routines in every aspect of normal, everyday night out, find out where Alan that he would be back in the future. across the stage. life. From the Olympics to mad Davies is performing. Try to be in a The man has travelled around, The crowd came prepared to cow disease to the potential evil somewhat focused mood, as his which you can tell from the theme laugh, and did so after every joke plots of household cats and to the string of jokes are often hard to that pervades his comedy routine. (or attempted joke), even when the genetic engineering of a mouse follow, especially since he usually The small, yet packed, theatre held comedian's remarks weren't partic- with a human ear, Davies attempts just jumps into new topics without an audience that seemed to expect ularly funny. As seems to be to make us step back for a moment introducing them. Watching Davies this; many of them appeared to common with many stand-up to ask, "Why are we doing this?" is definitely two hours well spent, anticipate his jokes and shouted comedians, Davies focused on a He points out the ironies that we but if you ask whether or not he's out one liners in the middle of the particular topic and then continuely think about every day, but never worth the hefty price tag of a West performance in an attempt to inter- lapsed off into tangent after actually take the time to concen- End performance, my answer, act with him. After a while, some of tangent, only to return to his origi- trate on or wonder about what "perhaps not." It would probably the audience became irritating, but, nal topics suddenly, sometimes could be going on behind the be just as good to watch him on with some effort, could be ignored. much later in the performance. scenes. Davies' world is one of television or video. Davies himself was confident This forced me to stay focused on conspirators and skeptics, and he Phillip Reich behind the microphone, although Davies' words at the risk of becom- does a good job of pointing out

SILLY COW The Grace Theatre

rying to put the words eight- witness the day of super bitch critic look too promising, and the charac- Franklin who not only played Doris, ies, relevant and good in the Doris as she is being taken to court ters all seemed to be a little to but also helped to produce the play T same review is difficult, but for her previous remarks about an much at that point. However, any obviously managed to juggle the trying to make them work on a actress - something she is quite doubts 1 may have had were two roles extremely well. stage takes something a little bit prone to doing. Milling around her dispelled early in the second half as In a venue that should appeal more special. This production at are the, maybe slightly overdone, the script, actors and play took on to students in so many ways (it's the Grace manages to handle this characters of her moralistic PA, a whole new path. It twisted, above a good pub, it's on bus problem extremely well by compli- slimy and loathsome 'soon to be' turned, delighted and enthralled at routes from college, there's menting delightful performances boss, nerdish accountant, and her such a pace there were times when concession tickets available as well with a marvellous script to produce "trippin' an' ravin' all nigh'" toy boy it was hard to get a breath in as tickets which include dinner) and a highly entertaining and enjoyable (a truly wonderful portrayal of men between laughing. Wonderful Ben with such a well known playwright, show. It's strange that the high- in their most annoying state). They Elton, and full justice done to it it should make going to see this lighted subject of the play, the muddle around her, complimenting Although this is the smallest of performance even more enjoyable. moral void of journalistic integrity, and flattering her before she heads the venues they have been to If you don't like Ben Elton you can still find a common place off to court, and by the end of the (having performed already in might find you enjoy this, if you do within our society and news - it first act we've been led pleasantly Bristol, Edinburgh and Dublin) the like Ben Elton I think you'll love it. helps us to appreciate some of the to the conclusion of the case, with limited space presented no prob- Matt Williams humour and references when they moments of amusement and lems to the actors as they filled the talk of situations we knew of only absurdity. theatre with their lively and charis- More information on diary pages as children. I have to admit that during the matic personalities and bought The atmosphere looks, feels interval I wondered where the plot home the excesses of life in the and smells of the eighties, as we might be going, as it certainly didn't era. It has to be said that Charlotte

PHOTOSOC EXHIBITION PREVIEW The Ante Room Gallery

rom the portrayal of a capti- from the humorous to the abstract, For those new members to the vated audience of the humor- touching to sombre, morbid to hobby, this is the opportunity to F ous street performers in obscure. display the talent they have so far Covent Garden to the abstract As in every year, the standard is discovered; while for older colour saturated shot of the very high. As an amateur society, members, it's another chance to Guggenheim Museum in Spain, this everything we've learnt and proudly display their work. The exhibition reflects something of produced is either self-taught or exhibtion runs until the 25th of each individual photographer. through the lessons given by the March in the Ante Room of the These, and around 50 other society to its members. That our Sherfield Building, and is definitely photographs will be on display at members have devoted so much worth a visit. the 1998 Photosoc Exhibition, time to taking and printing the high which begins on the 16th of March. quality images in the exhibition Sean Foo The exhibition does not have a shows the passion and enthusiasm theme to it, and pictures range that they possess for the hobby. More information on diary pages GAMES 13 March 1998

3D HARDWARE GAMING NEWS

Let's face it, the only way to play PlayStation owners who wish to today's 3D games is with the funky revel in the 70's Mad Max-styled hardware accelerators available. fun that is Interstate '76 may be in Here are some of the new chipsets for a shock. Bizarrely, the game on the way... has be re-titled Vigilante 8 and seems to has lost its 70's groove. 3DFX VOODOO 2 Car-based combat and mayhem The Voodoo looks like it will be the seem assured, however, so all is best board available, with two tex- not lost it seems. ture processors and 2Mb of memory each. Add another 2Mb PC flight simulators seem to have of video memory and its quite a run out of planes to showcase, to package. The downside is that it the point that F-22 Raptor centres will probably be in the most expen- around a plane that's only barely in sive cards. production, and won't be in gen- eral use until the next century. NEC POWERVR 2 Regrettably, the game has no sup- Much improved from the original port for hardware accelerated 3D, board, PowerVR's key features so those of us without the latest include full-scene anti-aliasing Pentiums could feel let down. (smoothing) and Texture Compression, meaning higher Speaking of which, as if 333Hz RESIDENT EVIL 2 dialogue, even better scenery and quality graphics all round. Its likely wasn't fast enough, Intel has that these boards should be a bit announced that it plans to have mercifully shorter loading times. cheaper than 3Dfx-based systems. 450-500Hz Pentium lis shipping (S^IPSSSS PlayStation The game is already fast heading within the next 5 months. Given towards being the best selling INTEL 740 the size of the heatsinks on the Possibly the scariest game 1 have videogame in history. Over 1.8 mil- Intel, not happy with its domina- current chips, one wonders if an ever played, Resident Evil was a lion copies were sold on the fist tion in motherboards alone, is integrated processor &. central huge hit when first released and weekend of its release in Japan, entering the 3D market with this heating system is also in the even managed to sell 400,000 and 650,000 were shifted in the US impressive mid-end chipset. The pipeline... copies of its'Directors Cut'release, upon release. Virgin Interactive 740 will only work with Pentium II A 'survival horror' game featuring confidently predict that 250,000 systems and should handle 200- shuffling zombies, killer mutant copies of the game will be finding Quake 2 multi-player addicts will 800 thousand polygons a second plants and appaling dialogue, it was their way into UK homes when it be retreating to their bedrooms (significantly less than 3Dfx and clearly influenced by classic horror finally ships on 29th March. We once more with the release of NEC). However, this card should flicks such as Day of the Dead. hope that the excellent TV advert. Quake 2 CTF - 'Capture The Flag' represent very good value for Well, the zombies are back and filmed by classic horror director levels. Those who were disap- money and will probably find its this time they have invaded George A. Romero makes it across pointed with the standard game's way into motherboards, making it Raccoon City. The sequel features a the pond too. multi-player levels should seize the the standard for 3D graphics. more mature plot, far improved new challenge eagerly.

Nintendo 64 owners will finally be REVIEW getting a fighting game to write home about in Fighters Destiny. ULTIM@TE to boot. Featuring a novel points system The car han- rather than the more usual "batter RACE PRO dling is a little flat lv opponent until they fall over" fare, and lacking in Fighters should provide a welcome PC personality, but change from the cutesey game still proves to be normally available on Nintendo's If you've just blown £150 on enjoyable. software-starved console. the latest 3D graphics card, what The game falls you want is a game that will show flat when it Congratulations to ex-Felix editor the power and quality of your pur- comes to reward- acjMMjj Owain Bennallack, who we note chase. Costing a paltry £19.99, ing the player's is now Edge magazine's Deputy Ultim@te Race Pro aims to be that success. Finishing Editor. Have a pint on us, mate... game. a race will only There is no plot - who needs bring an uninspir- one anyway? - apart from driving ing "you've won" message. There around very quickly and beating is no championship mode, and no Or UK I O your opponents. The graphics are hidden tracks or cars to be discov- Psst! Want EA Sports report that they have very slick on accelerated PCs, hap- ered. signed top golfer Tiger Woods to pily over 30 frames per second The basic engine is there, and some free help develop an interactive golf with gorgeous detail and shading. very well polished it is too, but per- game. Tiger and his sponsor Nike There's even a convincing and haps a couple of months worth of games? are likely to appear in the next ver- atmospheric storm weather, and finishing off is needed. What a sion of PGA Tour. the transition between night and shame. The catch is that you need to day is handled very smoothly. To quote the Hitch-hiker's review them for Felix. If you're Check out the Felix web pages In addition to fog the effects Guide: "it looks like a fish, moves interested, pop into the Felix (www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix) to see include sun glare, projected shad- like a fish and steers like a cow." Office (in the corner of Beit extra screenshots and a caption ows and fairly realistic headlights Mark Baker Quad) on Monday at 12:30. competition! 23 13 March 1998 STARS m

Sagittarius (23/i 1 f- 23/12) cess, your qualities of stamina and insight against the neglect of structural details The mental path offcntem^tarlon, coupled with respond to dynamic events. or ptecise exceptions. dynamic determinatlfc, le^^^Btmately to vic- tory. Under the gui^rfe o£ythe transitional Leo (23/7 - 23/8) Chariot, your sg jumnavigates residual A recent fortuitous ac compllshment contributing obstacles - bfvvare hovfcyer not to confuse to professional or financial fulfilment, indicated dealing with problems ancrfleeing from respon- horoscopesby the complete^ggV Penpcles, renders you sibility. wary of malicious Intent And jealous spite. Defensive prudfcce^rves Jhe mystery of loyal- Capricorn (24/12 - 20/1) ty, ^HHP^ Destiny is not a question of cjhan\e, but a mat- with ter of choice. Although the hlzarjfous Wheel of Virgo (24/8 - 22/9) Fortune instills a nkalis£va1lHof mind, the ' rnrsi-ortecJ by i -jigi0M

h 1 I. Of Sworn to preservefand prefect an element Social activities occ "Ire stage this week Swords. Prj^Kupj^yy thjg|)^nion of friends entrusted in your ' ar^j^^gftompromise your under the stimteto^resen^^Je energetic or the imp^^^iOrPcfSfeSwithin a crowd, you habitual routine in fajpur of spkntaneous action. Queen of Wands. Influential, yet j i sacrifice subtle perspicacity for the sake of The graceful KnightJIbf Cups, ||vealing intuitive show caring ccppiyft^ba^gt^ of troubled materialistic appearances. sensitivity oversteps%^boun»ries of sophisti- close friends through reliable help aid advice. cation and etiquette. ' ~ Pisces (19/2 - 20/3k Scorpio (24/10 - 22/1 1) Despite your imprijsive creative talents, sug- Gemini (22/5 - 7¥) Surrounded Jgj antagonistic confrontation and gested by the labariaVs Throb of Pentacles, con- Efficient planning an

Aries (21/3 -flO/4)' Cancer (22/6 Through the investmftjl of profound effort and Immersed in cfareer oneH^^^^^ctives, the energy, the stable KirS of Pentacles reveals an energetic Two j##S$t|LSUggests the definitive established situation ot contentment and secu- realisation of vfcc statuswlthin a^jtoup. As you rity. As you travel in fsearch of confident suc- concentrate on yMM^MBWl'pnorities. guard

imperial Collage Persian Calling all }4ew y>Gur'& *party Clubs and Socs Tfearaoay 19 M^trcf) from 8pm to axon. You must supply an entry for the

- IJve Muaic: Zhirar -with hi& tano 1998-99 ICU Students' Handbook - fcurbish Traditional trance * Deadline - 27 March 1 - f?oo& /Available Article should be 200 -400 - . \>enae: Sfierfielb fZuilbing, accompanied by a decent photograph (ie "Exhibition ^oaa not a boring group photo) Meare&t Station: South Kensington prince MemGera §L6, }Jon-membe,r& £jB Hand your entries in to Neil or Charlie in the Clubs and Socs Resource Centre, for abvance booking contact Ali Union Building. Sabszababi [email protected], 09x8 499 448 or Aradfe Soleimani [email protected] WARNING - NOT SUBMITTING AN ENTRY 0181 2.03 910.7 COULD SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR BUDGET! 24 COMPS PUZZLES 3 March 1998

PUZZLES

CRYPTIC CROSSWORD ACROSS DOWN

By Ed Sexton 7 One is farcical, perhaps, with 1 Mad about party (4) this disposable animal (11,4) 2 French gold between choices 10 Rate 'Devil Road' first in show (2) (11) 3 Miserable helm stirs trouble 12 European country without right (9) to injure (6) 4 Five is a pass! (4) 13 Heavily decorated royal net, 5 Sound, without fifty, is still a perhaps? (8) sound! (5) 14 Torment two hundred and one 6 Can and basin needed for drug with fury (7) (8) 17 United Nations, with blowers, 8 Gl with egg and charged parti- becomes relaxed (7) cle starts engine? (8) 19 Scarf makes bloke with it all Sort yellow initially, then slags, troubled (8) for this container (6,5) 20 Black substance with light 10 Let go of drape in theatre (4,7) colour makes cloth (6) 11 Eliot's initials - a right emper- 22 Colour, with her pieces of jew- or! (4) ellery, diverts attention (3,8) Feline with beer? Psychotic 25 No French osmic postmen are start of illness! (9) of unsound mind (3,6,6) 15 Hear true madness in these canals (8) 16 Bestowing a district with mixed spirit (8) 18 Viking dog? (4) 21 Argon possessed slang? (5) 23 Drug stupid person (4) 24 Easy big fifty, perhaps (4) 26 Is this a clue?

Why Don't You ANSWERS TO 1 1 10 Across 1 Eclair, 5 Luncheon, 9 River Basin, 10 Knit, 11 Catacomb, 12 Stop Listening to Your Lectur Shrimp, 13 Taxi, 15 Tactical, 18 Kangaroo, 19 Dash, 21 Stream, 23 Lyricist, 25 Hero, 26 Evaluation, 27 Adherent, 28 Easels AND DO SOMETHING

Down 2 China, 3 Averaging, 4 Ribbon, 5 Last But Not Least, 6 Less Useful Nonesuch, 7 Hiker, 8 Opium Wars, 14 Apartheid, 16 Indicates, 17 Premiere, 20 Grouse, 22 Erode, 24 Scowl

No 1111: No Bridges Please QuizIC - The First Annual British National

Hello and welcome back to my Three new houses have just Academic Quiz Tournament evil brain teasers. For this week's been built. To represent these, challlenge, you will need pen and draw three dots in a row. We also On 28 March at Imperial College, the first British National Academic Quiz paper. The margin of those quan- have three utilities - gas, water Tournament will take place. It is set to include teams from Imperial, Oxford, tum mechanics notes will do fine. and electricity. Draw these as a Cambridge, Manchester, Durham and other Universities. It is well known that gas, second row of three dots oppo- This is a call for help! We need organisers, competitors and an audi- electricity and water companies site the first. The problem is: ence for what we hope will be the start of a great tradition. cannot cooperate to save their How may each of the hous- If you feel that you are a budding trivia whizz-kid and you want to lives, and will always dig up the es be connected to each of the represent Imperial College at this prestigious event, get in touch with us... road just after the BT people three utilities without any of there is an opening for more than one Imperial College team, so anyone who have finished. Imagine, though the pipes/cables intersecting wants to take part should let us know. Excellent practice for University that just for once they work one another? Challenge. together. We also need help with moderating, timekeeping and general organisa- The answer to puzzle 1110 (Cleaning Windows) is 5.53m. tion of what is likely to be a hectic event. If you feel that you have something to Correct answers received from Nicola Hargreaves and Damien offer us then please let us know. There should be a decent knees-up at the end Fell. Good work! If you're wondering what the trick was - there and just think of how it would look on your CV! Alternatively, come and support your University and simply enjoy was no trick. You have to solve the nasty quartic equation nine or ten rounds of challenging trivia. The event centre will be at the main numerically (or draw a scale drawing). entrance to the Blackett Building, Prince Consort Road and the day will run from 9.30am to 5.30pm with a break for the boat race! Mail or e-mail your answers to the Felix office ([email protected]). If you For more details, e-mail [email protected] or check out our Web Page at are correct, your name will be printed in a blaze of glory next week. www.su.ic.ac.uk/quiz, but hurry... there are only 14 quizzing days left! Contributions of similar logic / maths puzzles gratefully received. FRI 13th FOUR T a special Pure pop and b detail Bar Irish feel, plus c

Sun 15th StandiriQ^db^ Only Charlton v Suowland, Derby v Leeds DaVinci'^ from 12.30 on the big screen Tues 17th mum

Win £50 cash cu/crate of lager DaVinci's 8pm SPECIAil.«IHNrMFS*i . ^MOTION

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COCJI»llft mCMT DaVinci's 5-11 M 26 CAPITAL 13 March 1998 DIVERSIONS FOR THE NEXT SEVEN DAYS

"St. Patrick's Night" POP Labyrinth @ The Pleasure 'V, .'io;j!l As ;i Gar:; The Contemporary Print Show TARTS. All your favourite pi Rooms. 604 High Road, Concourse Gallery. pop and bouncy retro stuff, Tottenha,m3 Rooms playing Od'-on Kensington Barbican Centre and Cocktail Bar and chill o the best in D&B, Hardcore & :! 55. i Q'l 6 {':>. v lo room. Free B4 9 orjust £1 Speed Garage. 9pm-till morn ieil; ! ".'Ail i/> Fiddler on the Roof after. ing. £7 students, £8 guests. Vffjin A .'AAA lAvai ULU. Floor I Info: 0181 808 4558 Ut.'i Whitdrvs' Macbeth

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FuRO II UNO Exam Stress Workshop f i /a @ Vel 'ei 'ooms Deadline for entries to the Alan Davies - Live I Of i "' i i .I Everyone suffers from stress (Sharing A'An, A1 717. : Odeon Kensington film laeerev, lOaue 'notches on the hsgaw before and after exams, but if 1777! Ill 711:117777; Wis!)*: i i f HAiti 71: competition on page 18. Annan. DaVinnA L'Oi'ii /pea it causes you a significant or 1 Optra 2 JOara. 76 AMuS 17 , n ,': II- i- I, , ,v" debilitating problem, these !i :i

DAVINCI'S COCKTAIL NIGHT Imperial c 11 < a i ,t i New Electric Cafe @ Southside 1 twds of fiin a. re!c,Ai,...l Cosi fan tutte - experience life through a Year's Party Disco t '"..' 'i , in, la i ' At Shaftesbury Theatre glass . II hi, t i,.,' i n i i Chill out with Al;ck Sethi's 4 17)1 i/S Wrl AS; H 57! if! 11 i 7 1 v i J a I'll! . i'i : » hour set of deep house/tech illliiiinisli"!< j i I , , i i, . 11 Slieif'sAI Banding. Gpiri .',jm no and maybe some touches cVaiViea wl'ich st.'i.'s Ama Comaci Af i >n as 15©icae uk of D&B and what ever else he r'Airman. so reserve your -I'M'] i"»: I'I' I , fa,:' feels like 7pm-1 lam £Free a," 1',-r 11, ;..i'v details arid tickets Info: Ext 55759. 13 March 1998 SPORT 27 Hail Hockey Heroics Camborne Crushed!

ICUHC II v Kings ICUHC III v St RSM v CAMBORNE not even remotely crossing the line. RSM were shaken by this and let in Champions. IC seconds destroyed BART'S Carnage in Camborne as Royal a couple of soft-ish goals. However, Kings to claim the second division Miners show their Bottle every man gave 100%. CSM eventu- championship. Needing nothing What can be said about such a It was that time of year again ally ran out a 4-2 win which they half but a win to secure their God Given Titanic goal bonanza? We were when the Royal School of Mines deserved to be honest. place at the league head. The sec- leading all the way, riding the met Camborne School of Mines in Then came the rugby. Played for onds set about this in a most game like the thoroughbred stal- the worlds second oldest varsity fix- a three-foot tin bottle (hence "bottle amusing manner, as Goran took It lion it was. II of the goals came ture after the boat race. match"), which you can see proud-ly and back doored the entire team. from our new found Casanova, On to the football, where we on display in the Union Bar. Right To be honest, the first five minutes Yes, II goals by one demi -god. had already missed the first goal for from the start we had them under were a pile of crap. Rob deciding Now the thirds are going all the RSM, scored by Craig "Cruyff turn" pressure, resulting in James "pretty to change this took a silky pass way. DISCO! Hunn (geology), who was celebrat- boy" Trude (geology) slotting two from Goran and rammed it home. ICUHC III 15 - 0 St Bart's ing his 21st birthday. Further pres- penalties before the bastards in the Then followed what was to be a sure resulted in a beautifully taken Camborne crowd nicked the kick- turning point in the match. IC was goal by RSM captain "sir" Peter ing tee. Two tries from eventual awarded 2 penalty flicks within 5 Steele. Looking quite comfortable at man of the match James "poolips" minutes. Lightweight and Rab con- this stage against a good Camborne Philips (ERE) at scrum half buried verted, (3-0). Kings were not side, the referee (wanker) decided the Camborne scum. The second of happy. With a brave defensive cry, to help his CSM mates out. He did his brace was a gorgeous break the Magic hollered "the onions are this by awarding one of the most away solo effort from his own half. coming" and we were resolute in Rugby dubious penalties of all time. Further tries from Rich "slight of our defence. Half time brought However, he hadn't frame" Lloyd (geology) and Dave threats from KCL but to their cha- noticed that we had a decent Hume (ERE) wrapped up a con- grin we were better. We rolled ICMRFC II v UMDS keep-er in the form of Nick "forget vincing victory. Not content merely down the pitch in wave after about it" Perrier (geology). However, to win, the lads also prevented the relentless wave of pressure, scor- Imperial Medics completed a from the resulting corner the ref Camborne twats from scoring any ing three more without reply. The clean sweep of all FOUR United decided to award Camborne a goal. points, although this was not a new Fifth goal was a peach as Shaggy Hospitals Trophies this No player from either side knew experience for them as few of them had time to look up, look down Wednesday with victories in the why. In fact it was clear that the have any UCAS points either. Final; and fart before scoring. 2nd team, 3rd team and ladles supposed goal resulted from a ball score 26-0. We then let Kings have a con- team. Like the first team all the sola-tion goal to prove we were finals were played against UMDS. also the most generous. To sum- In the 2nd team final a strong marise, the champagne hockey start by Imperial Medics brought a from the old boys done good. All I 10-5 advantage at half time, how- can say now is "you wee dancer". ever UMDS fought back to lead ICUHC II 6 - 1 Kings 13-10 but strong defending by the IM forwards kept them in the game and excellent kicking by fly- half Andy Richards together with a superb try by Simon Church meant Skiing IM won the game 21-13. In the 3rd team final, another After a somewhat poor start to the display of excellent kicking by a fly season the skiers have begun to half, this time Mike Edbury, meant show their true potential. In the St.Mary's were always on top in a Final round of the King's Ski League game they won 34-3 over Charing Imperial We produced one of the Cross, at third team level the most memorable slalom victories teams played separately this year. seen at Brentwood In recent years, The Ladles Final was held at A jubilant RSM rugby team celebrate their victory. by beating the previously unbeaten Old Deer Park on the same day as Playthings (thanks Oxford 111). the second team final for the first Solid performances by Imperial time this year. In a tightly fought RSMHC v lowed.) The deadlock was broken I, winning all but one race, irony- game, 1M were the victors, the in the second half, when Henry's cally against Oxford, ensured 3rd score 15-10, with the winning try CAMBORNE quick strike left the CSM keeper place overall and guaranteed entry coming in the last minute of the standing helplessly on his line. to the King's Finals to be held over game. "We beat Camborne and we beat After that, RSM managed to hold a Easter. Camborne.... " , yes for the first firm back line to emerge as victors. After some close races, mainly SCORE BOARD: time in seven years, the men's Man of the match went to Jamie, against other Universities' First IMREC 131 -20 UMDSRFC RSM hockey team was victorious in who epitomised the RSM defence teams, Imperial 2 finished a IMRFC 1121-13 UMDSRFC the annual miner's varsity tourna- with his solid tackling. respectable 14th SMHRFC 34- 3 CXWRFC ment. Beating Camborne School of CSM remained gracious in A joint Imperial! Charing Cross IMWRFC 15-10 UMDSREC mines 1 -0, they brought home the defeat afterwards, and it was good Ladies team finished second, only illustrious Sharpley Hockey Cup. to see sporting comments losing in the final to Playthings Therefore Solid defending from both exchanged at the end of such a Ladies. IMRFC 4 cups - 0 cups UMDS sides kept the scores at 0-0 at half- tightly fought contest. Well done Well done everyone, now lets time, although RSM were unlucky everyone! win the final! (a goal being dubiously disal- RSMHC 1 - 0 CSMHC 28 SPORT 13 March 1998 Footballers Win Some Games Editorial But still no excuse to trash a hotel

Hullo my Brethren. ICUWAFC v St ICUAFC I v LSE I ICUAFC II v RFH Heavens to Murgatroid! We have been busy of late. Many of our ath- GEORGE'S It was third time lucky for the LSE With a faint hope of the title, IC letes have been performing sporting as they deservedly won the ULU seconds needed a win against RFH acts that border on the Herculean in Nine gluttons for punishment (6 of Challenge Cup. Their opponents who had beaten them earlier in the their enormity. So multitudinous which were rather hungover) Imperial never got into the game, season. These wise guys needed a and diverse have your achieve- arrived at Harlington bright and but deserve credit for being the lesson. It was one of the toughest ments been that 1 regret that my early on Sunday morning after the first Imperial side to reach the final matches of the season and also woefully inadequate pages have revelries of the night before in years. Indeed the final will pro- one of our best performances. been unable to cope with your (including the obscene sight of the vide them with vital experience as Third team ringer Andy Murphy reports so a number of them had to Duke of Prague's manhood). We they aim to go one better next sea- played superbly at centre-mid, be edited to the point of non-exis- would have had a full team but one son. adding some much needed weight tence. Do not think that I held your random preferred to have a long, LSE dominated from the start to the midfield who got kicked reports in any less esteem (even In hot bath while the other was and took the lead when Donal about in the last match. The first the cases where I did). Suffice to unconscious in a pool of her own Keane failed to come out for a half was tight with few chances for say that with every word of your vomit. This match was crucial to free-kick from the left, leaving the either team, but Ricky Ham the articles that I edit, a little piece of avoid relegation and also the last LSE midfielder with a free header. second half of our third team me seems to die. I apologise also ever match of two former captains Amo and Stewart were out-fought combo was forced into a spectac- for the absence of previously (Scrubber and Hacker), so much in midfield, leaving the Imperial ular save to keep the scores level neglected articles. This is due to the pride was at stake. back four unprotected for large at half time. influence of that despicable ne'er- Slack, Hungover, shit play saw periods of the game. Indeed this In the second half our defence do-well Bill Gates and his Insidious us a goal down early on but, for was the case for LSE's second goal took control with Rob and Andy computer programs. the first time ever, Hedge's des- as their Greek striker, who later looking superb at the back. The On another subject altogether, perate plea of "Let's get one back" had a bust-up with Foulstone, pressure on RFH grew and grew it saddens me to see that the foot- proved effective as Scrubber slot- scored his fourth goal in four until Tony volleyed home in a ball team's good humoured high ted the ball home after a neat cor- games against crowded area to put us ahead. But spirits have again caused them to ner from the "Golden Tamarin". Imperial this season. Worse as we pressed home for the sec- be thrust centre stage. This is obvi- Hoody proved to be a useless, was to follow as Keane was lobbed ond, RFH broke in their first attack ously none of my business so I will hungover wreck, unable to run or from 30 yards. Half-time and the of the whole half and slotted the comment upon it no further. Except see efficiently and spent most of final was virtually over. Surely the ball into the net. With our title to say this. I myself have been on her time bitching about the oppo- time to make a few changes? No, challenge slipping away before our the receiving end of the wrath sition and her inability to score. as Psycho somehow kept faith eyes, we went mental and threw meted out by hotel officials. I will The first half ended 2-1 up as Lili with the starting eleven even everything at them. They held on not dwell on the details of that sor- scored a beautiful solo effort, though Tippayawong replaced until the final 100 seconds when, did affair, not the night of hell to avoiding the offside trap like a true Shanidze shortly afterwards. with everyone waiting for the whis- which the petty despots of the professional. Imperial managed to raise their tle, a deep cross from Tony met Metropolitan police subjected me. Newly crowned player of the game to some extent, but failed to Siat who volleyed the ball past the however what 1 did learn from this year "Elhosh" and next year's cap- trouble the LSE goalkeeper who keeper and won the match for IC. lamentable ordeal is this: Hoteliers tain "Greek Bird" held the defence had the Man of The Match playing ICUAFC II 2 I RFH have a tendency to blow these and midfield together well and tight in front of things out of proportion (whether eventually Scrubber monopolised a him. Indeed it remains a mys- or not for their own perverse satis- nice pass through to beat the tery why Imperial constantly aimed faction I will not speculate) and so keeper 1 on 1. She completed her for Marcos' head when LSE's cen- one should not neces-sarily attach hat-trick a few moments later with tral defender won absolutely Results too much credence to the reports a stunning strike into the right everything in the air. LSE then got one hears. hand corner. their fourth after they broke free If the football team wish to pre- The romp continued when down Imperial's left hand side. No Camborne vent an occurrence of this unfor- another cool corner from the way back for IC who had substitute RSMHC 1 - 0 Camborne tunate episode, I can but commend Golden Tamarin was met by Galliardo carried off with a sus- RSMWHC 0 - 2 Camborne to them the advice of my esteemed Scrubber - goal number four for pected broken leg late on. RSMFC 2 - 4 Camborne collaborator David. This diminutive her. We were shitting on the bitch- A day of joy for LSE, a day of RSMRFC 26 - 0 Camborne Frenchman suggested that the es. The game finished 6-1, when misery for Imperial. Key players Skiing members of the football club (and The Golden Tamarin scored an simply ICUSC I - 3rd Indeed all Imperial athletes) should opportunistic poacher's goal from didn't perform on the day, but ICUSC II 14th become straight-edge punks. close range. spirits were lifted at the annual ICUICXWSC 2nd Understandably per-plexed, I So we avoided relegation by Club Hoc key inquired as to the mean-ing of this the skin of our teeth for the second Dinner after the game where ICUHC II 6 - I Kings phrase. He explained that straight year in a row. Well done for an Warren Brayn was named Player of ICUHC III 15 - 0 St Bart's edge punks, amongst who's num- interesting and sometimes super- The Year, Foulstone was the DJ, Rugby ber he counts himself, are punks sonic season. For those of us leav- Shanidze was quiet and Psycho MRFC 131 - 20 UMDSRFC who shun alcohol and indeed drugs ing at the end of June, it was an provided the entertainment". IMRFC II 21 - 13 UMDSRFC of all description. It seems a bizarre emotional end to our footballing The presence of Andy Heeps SMHRFC 34 - 3 CXWRFC notion and one to which 1 certainly careers and I almost felt com- was much appreciated and allayed IMWRFC 15-10 UMDSRFC shall not Incline myself. However pelled to kiss the hallowed turf of rumours that no-one loves the Football it's certainly something to think Harlington (OK not quite.) footie club. ICUAFC I 0 - 4 LSE I about. ICUWAFC 6 - St George's ICUAFC 10-4 LSE I ICUAFC II 0 - 1 QMW 111 Drop the bomb - exterminate ICUAFC III 0 - 1 LSE IV them all. Jacob EDS iCU Imperial College

-ummer at Alexandra Palace Friday 19th June 1998 3-course dinner, drinks reception with string quartet, live band & disco, free travel to and from tlie event, Casino. £200 holiday voucher S^~~\

ifl (Courtesy of STA Travel) \ f]» Limousine ride to the Ball £45 Students: £50 Staff & Alumni AVAILABLE FROM UNION OFFICE Dress: Formal Travel: Tree coach or by Hiitish Hail lo Alexandra Palace Station, then lake lt'-'i bus

http://www.suLJ.i4*. ac.uk/S ummer Ball/ Inquiries: In ion Office - 0171 o«>4 8060

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Please send your reply slip & cheque to: Summer Ball. Imperial College Union. Beit Quad. Prince Consort Rd. London. SW7 2BB TRAVEL INSURANCE SERVICES LIMITED ROWAN HOUSE, 226 UNTHANK ROAD NORWICH NR2 2 A H ENGLAND TELEPHONE: 0 1 6 0 3 4 6 4 1 2 3 FACSIMILE: 0 1 6 0 3 4 6 4 1 2 4

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In response to high prices charged to students, and to encourage safe and affordable travel, Dial-direct are introducing the New 1998 Student Varsity-Bond Travel Insurance Policy.

The 'Varsity-Bond' is not available through your travel shops. By-passing the travel agent enables the savings to pass direct to you. Just look at the savings buying direct can make Thinking of taking a year out?

12 months Varsity-Bond - Plus comprehensive cover Worldwide from Dial-Direct costs £286.00. Similar levels of cover through a student travel shop costs £572.00 (+100%)!!

In addition the low cost 'Adventures' option will cover you for a wide range of outdoor activities, from snow-boarding to scuba-diving, hang-gliding to white-water rafting. Examination re-sit is covered as standard.

The Varsity-Bond is renown for its outstanding value and provides all the essential protection required by students for World-Wide travel, plus 24 hour Medical Emergency Services on call 365-days a year by the team at International Assistance Services Ltd.

Your satisfaction is assured by our 14-day full-refund guarantee.

Please keep the enclosed application, and return free-post when you are ready to travel.

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* Discounts are available for group bookings *

DIAL DIRECT TRAVEL INSURANCE SERVICES LIMITED: REGISTERED IN ENGLAND AND WALES COMPANY CERTIFICATE No: 3136334 for STUDENTS - direct - from

NEW 1998 VARSITY BOND

STUDENT TRAVEL INSURANCE specially designed for Young and Independent Travellers departing from and returning to the United Kingdom

* UP TO 100% SAVING * EXAMINATION RE-SIT COVER * COVER FROM 1 DAY TO 1 YEAR * VARSITY OR VARSITY PLUS - 2 LEVELS OF COVER * AGE LIMITED TO 44 YEARS

* 24-HOUR EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE - 365 DAYS A YEAR * GROUP DISCOUNTS AVAILABLE * 'ADVENTURE' / ACTIVITY OPTION * 14 DAY REFUND GUARANTEE "DON'T LEAVE HOME WITHOUT IT"

supplied by DIAL - direct TRAVEL INSURANCE SERVICES LIMITED TEL: (01603) 464123 FAX: (01603) 464124 UNDERWRITTEN THROUGH ALL SEASONS UNDERWRITING AGENCIES LTD.

ON BEHALF OF CERTAIN UNDERWRITERS AT LLOYD'S BENEFITS AND SUMS INSURED VARSITY VARSITY PLUS

MEDICAL AND OTHER EXPENSES If you fall ill or have an accident while abroad, or have to return to the UK due to illness, injury or death, the E2 £5 cost will be high. Varsity Bond will cover you for: MILLION * Your medical bills, hospital and ambulance charges, including emergency dental treatment for pain relief. MILLION * Any additional costs of returning you to the UK, including the use of an Air Ambulance if medically required. * The costs of a relative or friend, or qualified medical attendant to escort you home.

PERSONAL LIABILITY £2 £2 You will be covered for your legal liability if you should accidentally injure other persons or damage their MILLION MILLION property.

LEGAL EXPENSES We will pay for legal costs and expenses to pursue compensation arising from your injury or death while £5,000 £10,000 abroad.

DEATH BY ACCIDENT £10,000 £10,000

PERMANENT DISABLEMENT £10,000 £10,000 Cover is provided for loss of limbs and eyes resulting from an accident. HOSPITAL COMPENSATION £500 £500 As well as paying the main medical costs, we will pay you additional costs during your hospital confinement. LOSS OF DEPOSIT CANCELLATION CURTAILMENT RE-SIT EXAMINATIONS DUE TO EXAM FAILURE There are many factors outside your control which could force you to cancel or cut short your trip. The Varsity Bond policy will cover the travel and accommodation expenses that you are liable to pay or have already paid due to: £1,500 £1,500 * The illness, accident or death, including hospitalisation of yourself or a close relative, travelling companion, or person with whom you have arranged to stay. * You being required to attend an examination or you failing an examination (University or equivalent) and being required to re-sit the examination as a result of which you have to cancel your trip. * Al! reasonable additional travelling expenses returning you to your UK address due to serious illness, severe injury or death of a relative or close business associate.

MISSED DEPARTURE If you miss your pre-booked outward or return flight, ferry, coach or train as a result of accident or mechanical £800 £800 breakdown of your transport, the insurance will cover the additional costs of alternative travel and accommodation.

TRAVEL DELAY You will be compensated by £20 for the first full 12 hours, and £10 for each subsequent 12 hours during your delay. £100 £100 You also have the choice to cancel your trip if the delay in the UK exceeds 24 hours and be reimbursed for all irrecoverable costs. PERSONAL LUGGAGE Damage or loss to luggage and personal effects is a constant risk while you are travelling. The insurance £1,250 will compensate you up to £250 for a single article.

LUGGAGE DELAY If your luggage does not arrive within 12 hours on your outward destination, you will be compensated for £100 necessary purchases - including the hire of essential leisure equipment. MONEY AND TRAVEL DOCUMENTS We will help defray the theft or loss of money, travellers cheques and credit cards. The limit for cash is £200. £500 (£100 for under 16) If you lose your passport, tickets or travel documents while abroad, we will pay for the reasonable cost of obtaining a replacement.

PASSPORT £200 £200

HIIACK BENEFIT £500

MUGGING BENEFIT £250

24 HOUR EMERGENCY ASSISTANCE - 365 DAYS A YEAR Both the 'Varsity' and Varsity Plus have the facility of emergency services provided by International Assistance Services Ltd who will provide: * Multi-lingual assistance with Hospitals and Doctors * Repatriation arrangements and necessary escorts by a medical attendant. * Travel arrangements for other members of your party, or next of kin. * On arrival in the United Kingdom, an ambulance service to hospital or home. MONEY BACK GUARANTEE

If when you have received your certificate, you decide that the cover does not suit your requirements, and provided that no claims have been made or travel undertaken, you may return it within 14 days of purchase to obtain a full refund. Please note that the summary of cover is intended as a guide only. We recommend that you carefully read and fully understand the policy which will be issued to you once your proposal has been accepted. The policy will contain various terms, conditions, exclusions, limits and excesses.

ADVENTURES OPTION

Hazardous Activities may be covered by an additional payment to include: Canoeing, cycling, deep sea fishing, dinghy sailing, hang gliding, scuba/skin diving, horse-riding, winter sports, trekking, wind surfing, rock climbing, mountain biking, mountaineering, para-gliding, sailing, surfing, water skiing and Whitewater rafting.

The Varsity and Varsity Plus

AREA OF EUROPE Australia/N. Zealand WORLDWIDE TRAVEL

Varsity Varsity Varsity Varsity Varsity Varsity Plus Plus Plus

0 - 5 Days £7.95 £10.50 £14.00 £16.00 £15.00 £17.50 6-10 Days £9.80 £12.50 £16.00 £20.00 £18.00 £23.00 11 -17 Days £12.50 £14.00 £19.80 £24.00 £23.00 £27.00 18-24 Days £14.00 £16.00 £24.00 £29.00 £26.00 £32.00 25 - 31 Days £15.50 £18.00 £27.00 £33.00 £29.00 £35.00 Up to 6 Weeks £20.50 £24.00 £38.00 £46.00 £42.00 £49.50 Up to 2 Months £24.00 £28.00 £46.00 £54.00 £49.00 £59.00 Up to 3 Months £38.00 £45.00 £64.00 £75.00 £68.00 £87.00 Up to 4 Months £48.00 £56.00 £79.00 £98.00 £89.00 £109.00 Up to 5 Months £59.00 £69.00 £94.00 £116.00 £106.00 £126.00 Up to 6 Months £71.00 £84.00 £107.00 £130.00 £119.00 £148.00 Up to 7 Months £82.00 £96.00 £127.00 £149.00 £144.00 £175.00 Up to 8 Months £95.00 £112.00 £134.00 £158.00 £168.00 £199.00 Up to 9 Months £106.00 £125.00 £154.00 £179.00 £188.00 £228.00 Up to 10 Months £119.00 £139.00 £161.00 £189.00 £206.00 £248.00 Up to 11 Months £129.00 £149.00 £179.00 £209.00 £218.00 £270.00 Up to 12 Months £142.00 £168.00 £189.00 £219.00 £229.00 £286.00

Age limited to 44 years at date of departure. Travellers under 16 at date of departure, half price if accompanied

Age under 2 at age of departure, free. by insured adult. Carefully choose the level of protection you require i.e. Varsity or Varsity Plus. Select the areas to be visited, apply the highest premium if several areas are being visited. Select the total duration of your visit (maximum 12 months). Add 'Adventures' premium if required. APPLICATION Application from resident foreign students studying in the UK will be considered, but repatriation will be back to the UK and not to the country of origin. PLEASE USE BLOCK CAPITALS Complete your application in BLOCK CAPITALS PLEASE and return together with your premium to the FREEPOST address below. OR FOR IMMEDIATE COVER - PHONE 01603-464123 with your credit card details

NAMES OF ALL PERSONS TO BE INSURED AGE AT DEPARTURE DATE VARSITY OR UNDER(PLEAS 2 E2-1 TIC5 K AGE BAND BOX TITLE INITIAL SURNAME (FREE) > PRICE) 16-44 PREMIUM VARSITY PLUS A tick for Varsity will delete cover for luggage and money. ADVENTURE/ACTIVITY GEOGRAPHICAL AREAS 1. EUROPE 2. AUSTRALIA/N.ZEALAND F0R 'ADVENTURES' 0-3 M0NTHS STAY ADD £24.00 3. WORLDWIDE OPTIONS FOR 4-12 MONTHS STAY ADD £37.00 PERIOD OF INSURANCE ADDRESS OF FIRST NAMED INSURED PERSON TOTAL £ DAYS/MONTHS

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