Issue 1083 22 10 04

In this fortnight’s edition... news of USSU’s plans to research uni- versities down under | how to make Union Council work for you | what it’s really like to join an American frat | HRH in Guildford

contents 1

2 The Chancellor comes to campus editorial 5 Julie Wall summarizes the national news I’ve been feeling fairly festive this 7 Wondering what the President does all day? week. It happened around this time last year as well. Maybe it’s the 8 A dummy’s guide to writing a motion for Council subliminal effects of ever-increasing commercialisation (did you know 11 Do the Aussies hold the key to student representation? Harrods opened its Santas Grotto back in August, Tescos have had 13 Life in an American fraternity for a UK student mince pies in stock for months, and money has already been bet on the 17 What affect is alcohol having on your health? Christmas No.1??), or maybe it’s just that there are less daylight hours 20 What is Fairtrade all about? and, like everyone else in Britain, I could really do with a holiday. 23 Film gets ready for a mini festival here in Guildford Halfway through semester and 27 though Reading Weeks may provide Literature reviews books you might not actually want to a welcome break for some, it may read after all well seem the worst is still to come. The honeymoon period that was 30 GU2 your pull-out-and-keep weekly schedule September is over, and workload and fatigue are well and truly kicking in. 33 Careers advice for the confused This fortnight, barefacts aims to bring a little sunshine into your life with 34 Alumni The annual Telephone Campaign is launched stories of student life in Australia and the USA. OK, so it’s unfortunate we 35 Sport Work up a sweat with a whole extra page can’t fl y you out there too but that’s not to say there aren’t things we can dedicated to Surrey sporting action help you change to make life here in (decidedly unsunny) Surrey a little easier. Check out the guide to writing Council motions (to change how the Union currently operates), the the barefacts team lowdown on the effects of alcohol can have on your general wellbeing, and the ways in which you can enhance Editor-in-chief: Catherine Lee Editor: Neil Christie your CV through getting involved in Deputy Editor: Nicole Heel the DAVE project. News Editor: position vacant Sports Editor: Pete Nichols Hopefully this’ll tide you over for a bit Music Editors: Jon Allen and Dina Mystris (well, for at least some of the 63 days Film Editor: Neil Boulton until Christmas anyhow...) Literature Editor: Arvind Virdee GU2 Press Offi cer: Jay Butcher Mince pie anyone? Same pic as last edition I know - editorial Contributors: Hash Alsaidi, Rachel Appleyard, Amy team be warned, I’ll be tracking you down Brown, Dan Brown, Jenna Cairney, Paul Canning, with a camera again soon! Catherine Sam Carney, James Charnings, Russ Clark, Matthew Conacher, Jon Darzi, Sarah Davies, Corin Douieb, Chris Driscoll, Scott Farmer, David Glossop, Beth Heale Dun- can Hills, Piers Karsenbarg, James Newell, Ewan Panter, Simon Pearson, Simon Peasley, Amy Price, Anna Shaw, Stavros Sachinis, Ben Supper, Nathan Whitaker, Julie Wall, Peter Wigfi eld 2 news [email protected] 22 10 04

BOROUGH COUNCIL FIGHTS TO SAVE GREEN BELT FROM HOUSING The decision on whether or not to build on an area of green belt land in north east Guildford ROYALTY IN TOWN came a step closer on Tuesday when Surrey County Council’s Executive met to consider the COMING SOON.. Last Thursday (14th October), HRH the borough council’s opposition to THE RUBIX QUESTIONNAIRE Duke of Kent, Chancellor of the University its plans for the new homes. of Surrey came to Guildford, and chatted your chance to get your views to staff and students about life here on Leader of Guildford Borough heard, and win free entry for a year. campus. He was received by Patrick Council, Cllr Andrew Hodges, Keep checking www.ussu.co.uk and Dowling, Vice-Chancellor, at Surrey says: “We are extremely Research Park, and confident that we can meet barefacts for further details visited the site of our target of building 4750 new the postgraduate homes in the borough by 2016, Medical School, without Surrey County Council’s PRODIGY STAR ASSAULTS currently under proposals to include the green STUDENTS construction, before belt land on the north eastern being chauffeured to side of the town. the Students’ Union. Keith Flint, formerly of The Prodigy, and two of his colleagues from new band Clever Brains The Duke showed a He continues, “We are again Fryin’ allegedly assaulted a student during keen interest in all calling for these proposals to their act at Imperial College, before coming the services offered be deleted from the County to Rubix, because the student was dancing by the Students’ Council’s Surrey Structure Plan. ‘the Macarena’ in front of the stage, which Union, and was It is unreasonable that Guildford clearly was taken as a provoking gesture. A awarded a lifetime Union membership by should be expected to maintain friend of the student stepped in, but was also the Sabbatical team in a small ceremony this site when we have clearly assaulted. held in Chancellors Restaurant. He proved we can meet the target went on to visit the PATS Studios and without building on our precious The two students were then forcibly removed International House before dining in green field land and without from the venue by the personal bodyguards Lakeside Restaurant. overdeveloping our urban of Flint and his band. According to a senior areas”. source at Imperial, the police were ready to To find out ten interesting facts about HRH Exact details of the meeting were make charges for actual bodily harm at the the Duke of Kent, turn to page 16. unfortunately unavailable at the scene of the crime. However, the student time barefacts went to print. has decided not to press charges against the band.

WATES HOUSE words: neil christie, editor GETS BIGGER BAR

In the next three or four weeks, the bar at Wates House is going to be extended to include seating for an extra fifty people. If you are a postgraduate or a member of staff go along and unwind with a pint of beer or a coffee. [email protected] 22 10 04

LITERARY STARS FIRE SAFETY FLOCK TO SURREY Guildford’s annual book festival was PRANKSTERS launched last Sunday (17th October). The festival lasts two weeks and includes appearances from a number There have been several incidents already of celebrity authors, jazz musicians this semester, of students or their guests and comedians. Famous cricketer setting off false alarms or discharging fi re Nassar Hussain visited Ottaker’s on extinguishers in halls of residence. Tuesday to sign copies of his new autobiography, and was There have been fi ve incidents of break glass points being broken maliciously later interviewed by setting off an alarm which causes evacuation of residents (in University, Battersea, radio presenter Anthony Surrey, Guildford and Twyford Courts). This has caused inconvenience to Gamble for broadcast residents, who have to evacuate, and causes Security staff to be diverted from on GU2 1350AM. That important security work to deal with false alarms. False alarms can lead to same evening, William residents becoming complacent about evacuations. Hague, former leader of the Conservative party, So far this semester four fi re extinguishers have been taken gave a lecture in the from buildings and discharged. In one building a smoke School of Management, detector was dismantled by residents. introducing his recent biography of William Pitt, During the same period there have been four small kitchen the youngest ever Prime Minister, fi res. In all these cases the fi re detection systems and coming into offi ce in 1783 at just 24 procedures worked correctly - imagine what would have years of age. happened if the smoke detector or extinguisher in these areas was not working properly. Forthcoming highlights include Denys Baptise in concert at the Electric Student residences are at risk from fi re TAKING THE Theatre on Sunday (24th) as well as and the University takes the safety of appearances from Sandi Toksvig, residents very seriously, organising fi re TROUBLE OUT OF Michael Buerk, Michael Winner practices for all residents during the fi rst TAX and Rory Bremner, to weeks of the semester. The fi re systems name but a few. There and equipment are checked regularly. Did you work over the summer? are also a number of writing workshops, and Students should not tolerate a small minority Have you just returned from a week of Roald Dahl- of residents who think it is ok to meddle placement? themed activities based with the equipment and systems provided in Guildford Library. For for everyone’s safety. Tampering with Will you be working over further details, visit the anything that is provided for safety, from an Christmas? offi cial website at extinguisher to a fi re alarm break glass, is www.guildfordbookfest also a criminal offence. Have you just got a part-time ival.co.uk, or pick up a job? brochure from the Electric Theatre, Overall the response from students to the fi re Ottakers bookshop, the Tourist practices have been good and all residents Answer yes to any of the above? Information Centre or Guildford will have the opportunity to partake in a Library. practice over the next few weeks. If so, you may be due a tax re- bate. Representatives from the words: richard paxton, head of accommodation Inland Revenue will be in the Students’ Union Activities Cen- tre on 3rd November and 8th December, running a tax clinic to help you with any queries you may have. Pop along anytime after midday, no appointment necessary. 4 news [email protected] 22 10 04

A+, A++... On Monday 18th October a report on Britain’s education system was A waste of time? published which proposed Once again the education system looks like it may have some to replace GCSEs and more ‘fine-tuning’ processes to go through, as suggestions A levels with a diploma for introducing A+, and A++ grades at Advanced Level were scheme. The diploma welcomed by many Universities. would be made up of different levels and would allow more opportunity for Apparently, as 20% of students achieve A grades at A-Level, students to train in vocational subjects. There would also there is no real indication of which students are the brightest. The be A+ and A++ grades at the top level to help distinguish most intelligent students, it is argued, deserve to be rewarded for the most gifted students. The government is expected to achieving top marks and distinguished from the rest. Under the take on many of the reports suggestions. new proposal, 5% of students would achieve A++ grades. words: neil christie, editor Pro-Vice-Chancellor at Cambridge University, Professor Melveena McKendrick, said: “We are particularly pleased by the working group’s proposal to introduce more intellectually challenging elements to advanced-level 14-19 education, which will stretch For more information of reform in the education system, high-ability students and better prepare them for university.” see:

I wonder, wouldn’t it be easier to simply make the exams harder? http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/3754726.stm Results have been increasingly more impressive for a long time, http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/3751644.stm so surely instead of introducing more grades it would make sense http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/education/3753664.stm to simply make them harder? If the top 5% of students were to be awarded A grades, it would make the A grade something to once again be proud of. Instead of this, the A grade will be devalued and A+ or A++ grades will be the ones to be aimed for. AGMs There has also been a call to make available the individual module marks to Universities, so they can judge how well students Mech Eng | 25th October | 5.30pm | 30BC03 performed in the more difficult A2 modules, under the new(ish) AS European | 25th October | 6pm | GM Room / A2 Advanced level structure. This seems a more sensible option Surrey Gurners | 26th October | 1pm | GM Room for providing information to Universities regarding exactly how well EARS | 27th October | 1pm | 27AB04 students performed in their exams, and to distinguish between Fairtrade | 27th October | 6.30pm | LTA those at the very top end of the range, and those scraping good Kendo | 27th October | 7.20pm | UniSport results. Meditation | 28th October | 12pm | GM Room Active Thinkers | 28th October | 6pm | GM Room Still, it remains to be seen whether or not the education system GU2 | 28th October | 6.15pm | LTE will ever be left alone for more than a couple of years. All this Brazilian | 1st November | 6pm | GM Room has come off the back of yet another radical reform proposal put Game | 3rd November | 1pm | GM Room forward to introduce diplomas alongside GCSE and A-levels. Gliding | 3rd November | 6pm | GM Room

SPORTS STANDING Monday 25th October 6pm Lecture Theatres

barefacts would like to formally apologise to Menya Nsan- zumuco, featured in Bjorn Candel’s article “Body Lan- guage and the International Scene” in Issue 1082. He is in fact from Rwanda, not Uganda, and his gesture should have been interpreted as meaning “food” not “bread”. [email protected] 22 10 04 national news 5

Bush vs. Kerry Ken Bigley Never got round to buying that In three televised debates On Friday 8th October the President George Bush and newspaper? Feeling adrift in the British hostage Ken Bigley Senator John Kerry, the who had been held captive in fi eld of current affairs? candidates for the forthcoming presidential Iraq since mid September, was brutally 2election in the United States, went head to 1murdered by his captors. It was later head tackling issues such as Iraq and Julie Wall summarizes the top ten revealed Mr. Bigley had managed to the failing US economy. Opinion polls escape, only to be recaptured and stories of the past fortnight... suggested Kerry came out on top, but it later beheaded. Silences were held is still very uncertain what the outcome of in the city of Liverpool and before the England vs. Wales football match on next month’s election will be. Christopher the following Saturday. Reeve C h r i s t o p h e r Reeve, the actor who played Superman, Nottingham Shooting 3 th died on Sunday 10 n the early hours of Saturday I October from a cardiac 9th October Danielle Becan, arrest. The actor, aged a fourteen year old girl in 52, had spent the last Nottingham, died after being shot in nine years of his life 4the stomach from a passing car on her Caroline Stuttle paralysed from the neck down after a riding way home after a night out with friends. The murderer of the student accident severely damaged his spine. He The girl was not involved in gangs and backpacker Caroline Stuttle was had been a strong campaigner for more her death shocked the town, which found guilty and jailed for life by th research into spinal chord injuries. had seen a reduction in gun crimes an Australian court on Friday 15 October. in recent months. The following week 5Caroline had been travelling in Australia on an appeal was made by Danielle’s her gap year two years ago when she was mother, who had cradled Danielle as pushed from a 30ft bridge in Queensland she lay dying in the street, for help in and died. Since her Global Warming tracking down the killers. death Caroline’s The Mauna Loa observatory in family have set up Hawaii which monitors carbon an organisation levels in the atmosphere reported to help students a sharp rise in levels in 2002 and 2003. Pension 6Levels normally rise by 1.5 parts per million stay safe while crisis travelling. (ppm) but in the last two years they have P o l i t i c i a n s risen to over 2ppm. were forced to Scientists disagree look at the problem of over whether this 7pensions on Tuesday is a sign of global th Peace Conference 12 October when the warming or simply a On Friday 15th October a three Pensions Commission fl uctuation in natural day peace conference began in announced the country CO2 levels. London, attended by politicians, is heading for a major campaigners, environmentalists and crisis if measures are 8 trade unionists. The European Social not taken immediately. Forum, a gathering for people opposed The Commission said the solution to racism, war, and corporate power, had to come from a mix of higher Michael Jackson included speeches by Tony Benn, George taxes, increased saving, and a higher Michael Jackson was in Galloway, Ken Livingstone, Gerry Adams retirement age. The following Friday the news twice recently. and Che Guevara’s daughter Aleida th the Prime Minister announced plans to On Tuesday 12 October Guevara. cut other benefi ts to boost pensions. he complained about the rapper Eminem’s 10new music video, which features Eminem dressed like Jackson on a bed surrounded David Beckham by boys. Later in David Beckham came under strong the week the singer criticism when he admitted he purposefully failed in his case to got booked during the England-Wales have the child abuse match in order to be disqualifi ed for the next charges against him 9game against Azerbaijan. The England captain thrown out. The trial later apologised for his behaviour, but the England will take place in manager and the Football Association are yet to January. decide whether to take disciplinary measures against the player. 6 letters [email protected] 22 10 04

Letters to barefacts must be received by 12pm on Friday Calling all before the publication of the next issue to be included. (that’s Friday 29th October this time round) Email [email protected], with “Letters” in the message postgraduates... title please!

My name is Rachel Appleyard and I am the Vice President Postgraduate Affairs it’s a brand new post created this Dear barefacts, year in light of the fact that you guys have been seriously underrepresented in the past. I have noticed that many changes I can help you in any aspect have been made to our university of Postgraduate life so if you campus over the summer. First of all we have any questions, concerns, have the new bins which I personally like as academic issues or problems then please come blue is my favourite colour. I have heard some and see me. I will always make time for you. rumours about the prices of the bins though and that has scared me. I don’t exactly know It’s been a busy few months for me and so I how much truth there is in those given estimates thought that I would let you guys know what so I am not going to comment. Another novelty are I have been up to. After been thrown into the the automatic doors in the lecture theatres building. deep end with the task of co-authoring, (all 188 It is a good idea especially when you are carrying a handful of books. But what I have found out recently pages!) of the student’s submission of the QAA was that if you are in a hurry then the door opens right report, a document that analyses the quality of in your face. Though it is better than before it is still teaching within the University, I had a few weeks a concern to many people I have spoken to about it. to concentrate on my casework and getting myself known around the University. On the morning of 14th October (Thursday) I also noticed a huge red container in the middle of the lecture Since then I have been involved in a number of theatre with water dribbling into it at quite a scary rate. projects including organising the Postgraduate I am glad that our uni is being modernised slowly but Exhibition, initiating “ Chatterbox” the monthly I think that basic amendments should be made first. postgraduate discussion forum and starting to develop an effective postgraduate programme Another issue to be addressed is the fact that it is representation system within the eight schools. impossible to walk through campus without having your I am also currently campaigning to have the feet soaked at least once. The worst situation seems to facilities at Wates House re-developed to better be on the way between Roots and the Accommodation suit the needs of those people that use them and Office. There is a deep puddle on the pavement and will be developing a Postgraduate survey which it is not possible to miss it as the way is restricted by will allow me to find out what issues are affecting a wall on one side and a metal barrier on the other. you and use the results as a basis for my year’s work. So on this note I am going to give you a piece of advice: Also, myself and Catherine Lee (VP Comms), When going to uni make sure you are not in a hurry- together with a few postgraduates, are setting especially when taking a shortcut through the lecture up a brand new Postgraduate publication. We theatre and don’t forget your wellies and your umbrella. are hoping that the first issue will be ready for Alternatively wait till the weather gets better. Good luck! printing in November. Sara J If you would like to contribute or help with the Postgraduate publication or would like to make a difference in your school by becoming a programme representative please contact me [email protected]. Any other suggestions you have about anything and everything please feel free to email or come and see me. You elected me in and I’m here for you! [email protected] 22 10 04 sabb in the spotlight 7

There is no such thing as a typical day for me, I suppose that’s why I love doing this job so much. Everyday brings new challenges and very different events that rarely would I have had the opportunity to experience had I not been elected (thanks for that by the way). Every day (even Thursday mornings after a Ever wondered exactly heavy Wednesday night) my alarm clock goes off at 7:15am to the screams of Chris Moyles. After what it is the Sabbatical about 20 minutes of hitting the Snooze button Offi cers do all day? and rolling over I fi nally fall out of bed and into the shower (pre shower Hash is not a nice thing). Kicking off a series of photo diaries, Hash Alsaidi, Union President, gives us The trick to my day is getting to the offi ce at about an insight into a typical day 8:20am. It’s the best time to get loads done. I tend to get all my emails read and replies sent for him at USSU... before everyone starts to come in and my day starts to really kick off. PRESIDENT Depending on the day of the week there is always a union meeting of some description usually those meetings name: Hash Alsaidi are designed to improve the facilities we have age: 23 in terms of entertainments and membership birthday: 21.03.81 services, as well as allowing us to have the height: 5ft 6inch broader discussion on the future direction (or so they tell me) of the Union. In addition to these meetings I weight: reducing attend many University meetings at the senior marital status: management level, such as Senate, University Council and Finance. Attending single University meetings provides me with the opportunity to represent students at favourite food: pizza the highest level and to help direct the University provision towards the student favourite drink: snakebite and experience. black favorite fi lm: goodfellas The most important part of my job is the students favourite song: Jive Bunny and and on a day-to-day basis I try to see as many the Mega Mix students as possible. Students come and see me football team: portsmouth for a variety of reasons ranging from wanting to greatest moment at uni: too many put on events, to concerns about their courses, - winning the election last Feb from worries they have to simply wanting to must be very high up there come in for a chat. However it’s not just about the students coming to see me in my offi ce, I can If you could change one thing ban often be seen around campus talking to students pineapple on pizza’s (sweet and about issues important to them and in the evenings you will often fi nd me in sour does not go!) Rachel: but Rubix, the Students’ Union nightclub.

In a very short period of time I have met royalty politicians and even pop stars but I still have to say that one of the best aspects of my day is the interaction I get with the people that I work with here in the Union. Whether that be the dedicated members of staff, the sabbatical team or student representatives. Having a common goal is something that is great to work towards but having said that differences of opinion can also provide many interesting debates, which we have never been afraid to have.

The last few months have been long and hard and I cannot see the rest of the year getting any easier but that’s exactly how I like it. You now that your getting somewhere with all this job when the decisions and the tasks get harder. A typical day, who wants a typical day? [email protected] 8 council 22 10 04 Motions: a guide for the uninformed ‘The Union is great. Everything it does is ace. I completely agree with the current policies of the Union and see no need to change anything in anyway. The sabbatical officers are demi-gods and I bow to their clearly superior knowledge.’

Like the preceding sentence? Agree with it? If so why not go and do the lyrics quiz; if not read on to find out how to get things done in the Union. body of the Union. All Union officers There’s something about the Union which really irritates are answerable to Union Council. It is me. What can I do about it? the members’ opportunity to decide Well you can either bitch and moan to your mates or you can what should be done, who should do submit a motion to Union Council and get it sorted. it and to check that past commitments have been carried out. The University’s pretty annoying as well; can the Union campaign on my behalf? Do I have to speak at Union Same thing really, if you want the Union to take an issue to the Council? University, you need to submit a motion. Indeed you could even It’d be best if you did, although you submit a motion that calls for our Union to do something at a could nominate someone to speak national level; like oppose top-up fees. on your behalf. You’ll have to give a speech explaining in broad terms What’s this motion malarkey about then? what the motion is about, people A motion is an instruction to the Union that something should then have the opportunity to propose changes or amendments be done – any full member of the Union can submit one. For to the motion. Following a vote on whether any changes or example a motion could mandate the president to take an issue amendments should be accepted, the Union Chair will then to University council or to make the Union a Fairtrade Union. invite a speech against the motion. After all of this and a round Once a motion has been submitted to council it’s discussed and of questioning the original proposer will have the opportunity to voted upon, if it passes then it’ll become Union policy. sum up. Why should I write a motion, isn’t that what the sabbatical Who can vote on my motion? officers are for? Any full member of Union Council; this includes all Union officers Well not really, you see the Union is more than six sabbatical and one representative from each Union club and society. For officers; it is the student collective. Therefore it makes sense an ordinary motion a simple majority is needed, for a change to that Union policy comes from our members rather than six the Union constitution a two-thirds majority is needed. people who are not even students anymore. What’s this quoracy thing I’ve heard of? What does a motion consist of? Before Union Council can vote on anything, a certain number Basically a motion consists of three parts: facts, beliefs and of full members of Union Council must be present; the meeting actions. That’s it. If your motion has those three components must be quorate. The current quoracy level of Union Council is then it’ll be fine. A detailed example of how to write a motion can forty Union Council full members. Therefore it’s worth your while be found on the opposite page. ensuring that as many members as possible are there. What do I do with this motion? I’ve also heard of procedural motions, what are they? Well you need to get a second full member of the Union to Whilst some people think they exist simply to slow the meeting second it for one thing. You also need to submit the motion to down, procedural motions allow members to change the way the Union Chair, Chris Conner [email protected] seven days that Union Council is run. The full list can be seen opposite. before the date of Union Council. A full break down of the dates by which motions must be submitted can be found at http: //www.ussu.co.uk/council..

I guess I have to get it in on time then? Indeed. If you don’t then it won’t be discussed till the following Council.

Just as an aside, what is Union Council? Union Council is the main decision making [email protected] 22 10 04 council 9

An example motion: Rice Crispies are great

As already mentioned a motion needs to have three things in it, facts, beliefs and actions. As a result motions are normally separated into three parts; This Union Notes, This Union Believes and This Union Resolves. The following should give you a good idea on how to structure your motion.

This Union Notes Only facts should be included in here. It helps if you can show that your reasoning is based on real life rather than a The lowdown on killer hangover. Opinions and actions should be left to later sections. procedural motions 1) Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. No confi dence in the chair 2) Breakfast cereals can be a very healthy meal. – I think he/she’s pretty biased, get 3) The Union does not serve breakfast cereal in Chancellors. someone else in. 4) Rice Crispies are a good example of a breakfast cereal. They are high in carbohydrates and low in fat. Another round of speeches 5) Full fat milk has a high fat content compared to skimmed milk. – this is interesting, lets discuss it some more. This Union Believes This is the part where you can put in your beliefs and opinions. It is your Move straight to a vote opportunity to show your passion on the subject of the motion. – I’m hungry; can we just vote. 1) That people should eat more cereal. Adjourning the meeting 2) That Rice Crispies are a taste sensation. – Lets call it a day. 3) That Rice Crispies are clearly nicer than inferior cereals such as Shreddies, Cornfl akes and Frosties. Have a secret ballot 4) That Rice Crispies would sell well if sold in Chancellors in the – I’d prefer if others didn’t see how I mornings. vote on this one. 5) That full fat milk doesn’t taste very nice and skimmed milk is where it’s at. Recount the vote 6) That any Rice Crispies sold in Chancellors should be provided with – Count it again. skimmed milk.

Refer the item under discussion to This Union Resolves another body This section allows you to actually get something done; indeed in many ways it’s – Send it to a cross campus ballot. the most important part. To ensure that things actually get done it is important to mandate a Union offi cer to oversea whatever the motion resolves to do. To vote on parts of the motion separately 1) That Chancellors serve Rice Crispies with skimmed milk every day. – I like some bits but not others. 2) That the President be mandated to ensure that this happens. 3) That Rice Crispies will be promoted by the Union as a healthy To not vote on the item under breakfast. discussion 4) That all the sabbatical offi cers should demonstrate their love for Rice – I don’t want to vote on this at all. Crispies by eating a bowl every day.

Challenge the Chair’s ruling All that is left to do is to state which two full members of the Union have proposed – I think the Chair’s made a mistake. and seconded the motion.

Proposer: Will Keith Kellogg URN 123456 Seconder: Ewan Panter - VP Mountain Biking

For more information on writing a motion, contact Scott Farmer, Member Development and Policy Co-ordinator on 01483 683951, [email protected].

words: ewan panter Self reliance skills Self-awareness - – purposeful, focused, self-belief, realistic Proactivity - resourceful, drive, self-reliant Willingness to learn - inquisitive, motivated, enthusiastic Self-promotion - positive, persistent, ambitious Networking - initiator, relationship-builder, resourceful Planning action - decision-maker, planner, able to prioritise People skills Team working – supportive, organised, co-ordinator, deliverer Interpersonal skills – listener, adviser, co-operative, assertive Oral communication – communicator, presenter, infl uencer “70% of employers agree that degree results alone Leadership – motivator, energetic, visionary are not the best measure of employment potential.” Customer orientation – friendly, caring, diplomatic Graduates in the Eyes of Employers 2002 Foreign language – specifi c language skills General skills Scott Farmer, Member Development and Policy Co-ordinator for Problem-solving – practical, logical, results orientated Flexibility – versatile, willing, multi-skilled USSU with a little help from Prospects.ac.uk explains how the DAVE Business acumen – entrepreneurial, competitive, risk taker Project helps IT/computer literacy – offi ce skills, keyboard skills, software packages Numeracy – accurate, quick-thinker, methodical “21st century graduates need to demonstrate to employers that they Commitment – dedicated, trustworthy, conscientious can ‘hit the ground running’. In addition to working hard to gain a Specialist skills good degree, students should engage in extracurricular activities Specifi c occupational skills – specialist relevant and obtain work experience in order to develop skills that will make knowledge, eg languages, IT them better prepared for the world of work. It is also important for Technical skills – eg journalism, engineering, account- students to become self- aware and develop the confi dence to ing, sales market themselves effectively when the time comes to apply for jobs.” Carl Gilleard – Chief Executive, Association of Graduate Source: Taken from the Art of Building Windmills: Career Recruiters. Tactics for the 21st Century Leaving university with a good degree is a pre-requisite in the graduate employment market, but alone this is not enough to secure OK So now what. What does the DAVE Project do for me? your fi rst graduate job. How does an employer choose the right person from a hundred applicants all with the same class of degree? The DAVE project is a professional skills training project run The skills you develop whilst at school/college and university and by students for students. It provides sessions for those already the experiences you gain will all help to give you the edge over the involved in activities within the union and university as well as next candidate. The good news is that this means it is essential not one off sessions for those who want to check the project out. just to bury your head in a book all the time you’re at university, but to continue with your interests and work experience which are all the What does DAVE stand for? Development, Accreditation, things that help to enrich your life, not to mention your CV. Volunteering and Employability!

So what do employers want? Analysis of years of national employer Development Develops your transferable personal and surveys suggests the desired skills for graduates fall into four broad professional skills to enable you to reach your potential. areas. Do any of the words in the table on the right describe you? Accreditation Most DAVE sessions are accredited through the “When selecting engineering graduates, the engineering degree Individual Development Scheme. Giving you either a bronze/ subject and to some extent their predicted grade is not so critical. It silver or gold certifi cate at the end of the project! is their experience, skills and personality that is important. Therefore, I try to interview all candidates that get through the initial selection Volunteering As well as all the sessions being voluntary, you phase to judge for myself the person behind the application form.” can also use your involvement in the V scheme to complement Richard Humbert, Toyota Manufacturing U DAVE.

“Based on a survey of 200 employers (including BMW Group, Logica Employability The whole point of the DAVE project is to and PricewaterhouseCoopers), verbal communication is the quality ensure you become even more marketable to prospective that most employers seek in graduate recruits. This is followed employers. by enthusiasm and written communication skills. Problem-solving ability, numeracy, business awareness and team work are also rated What are the sessions? highly.” Sessions are fun, informative and interactive requiring From Learning to Earning (2002) your active involvement through discussions, scenarios, questionnaires, small work groups and team tasks.There are “At Accenture we look for graduates with over 20 sessions to choose from ranging from communication strong communications skills, excellent to project planning and stress management. problem-solving abilities and a genuine desire to work hard. We do offer exceptional rewards How do I book onto a session? and a forward-thinking working environment Just log onto www.thedaveproject.co.uk and click DAVE’s in return. The university experience helps Points and Bookings, Register and book onto the session you students to develop these skills and make want. them more attractive to the job market.” Emily Cross, Graduate Recruitment Offi cer, For more information contact: Accenture Scott Farmer, Member Development & Policy Co-ordinator 01483 683951, [email protected] Self reliance skills Self-awareness - – purposeful, focused, self-belief, realistic Proactivity - resourceful, drive, self-reliant Willingness to learn - inquisitive, motivated, enthusiastic Self-promotion - positive, persistent, ambitious Networking - initiator, relationship-builder, resourceful Planning action - decision-maker, planner, able to prioritise People skills Team working – supportive, organised, co-ordinator, deliverer Interpersonal skills – listener, adviser, co-operative, assertive Oral communication – communicator, presenter, influencer Leadership – motivator, energetic, visionary Customer orientation – friendly, caring, diplomatic Foreign language – specific language skills General skills Problem-solving – practical, logical, results orientated Flexibility – versatile, willing, multi-skilled Business acumen – entrepreneurial, competitive, risk taker IT/computer literacy – office skills, keyboard skills, software packages Numeracy – accurate, quick-thinker, methodical Commitment – dedicated, trustworthy, conscientious Specialist skills Specific occupational skills – specialist relevant knowledge, eg languages, IT Technical skills – eg journalism, engineering, account- ing, sales

Source: Taken from the Art of Building Windmills: Career Tactics for the 21st Century 12 features [email protected] 22 10 04 Why is our President going to Australia?

“Why?” indeed – it’s an expensive trip (the budget is set for Here’s a bit of factual background. Hash (Union President) around the £6k mark) and at fi rst sight could be construed to and Bob Anderson (member of staff - Union Manager) will be a bit of a jolly. How wrong that is… be going to Australia for 10 days at the end of November to visit Universities out there. Simultaneously, Scott Farmer Firstly don’t panic – the six thousand pounds isn’t Union (staff - Member Development & Policy Co-ordinator), Lisa money. The Vice Chancellor is funding the trip, which is Widdows (staff - Representation & Welfare Co-ordinator), outside of the Union’s annual subvention [ed - money given Amy Fawcett (staff - Student Activities Co-ordinator), and to the Union each year by the University in order to run the Andy Blair (staff - Membership Services & Deputy General membership services side of things like DAVE, societies, Manager) will be travelling around the UK to investigate sports clubs etc] and the University has not dictated any other Students’ Unions. kind of agenda to those members of the Union that will be going on various trips at the end of November. What for? Well, an interview with Hash seemed the best way to fi nd out...

Hash, what’s this project all about? we take is a successful one during this transition period, The Students’ Union needs to plan re-development for the avoiding mistakes that may otherwise be made without this future. As you know, the Union is currently formulating a 5- ‘insight to the future’. year strategic plan. In order for this plan to hold credibility, research needs to be undertaken So in the long run, we could – and this research is towards receive more money from the building a world class Students’ University? Union (SU) here at Surrey. That’s the idea – and the only way The Union as it stands is currently the university (and quite rightly the product of research that was so) should fund our goals and undertaken four years ago, fi nanced objectives is if we can show them by the SU itself, where UK students’ exactly where it is we want to be unions were visited and scrutinised to in the long term, and how much formulate a plan for this one. that will benefi t students. The UK trips will be to re-evaluate where Surrey SU currently stands – are we behind other What are you going to be doing unions, are we about level, or are we leading the in Oz? fi eld? We can learn a lot from looking at other unions, The fi rst thing will be talking to the and discover new ideas and solutions to problems that we elected representatives at their have here. In short, we can further progress what we’ve Students’ Unions. We will be quizzing them about what their started. elected reps do, their roles, and what services they offer For Australia, there are multiple reasons. We discussed the their members. We will also be looking at how they cater to need for researching world class institutions with NUS and International students and Postgraduate students. have worked closely with them. They suggested looking at Very importantly we want to consider their methods Australia – as the demographics of their Universities are a of overcoming student apathy and increasing student very close match to ours, as is their funding structures, and involvement in Union affairs, as most SUs over there do they have many prestigious world class Universities and have a strong input from a majority of their members. SUs. That’s what we’re striving for, and we intend to learn, build, and implement a strategy that is supported fi nancially Can’t you just email or ring them up or something? and in spirit by our university. If we can show the university Unfortunately not. A lot of what we’re focusing on is that we have clear, achievable aims and goals then we will development, but not just in terms of processes and ideals. be in a much stronger position to ask for a greater amount We want to see their facilities, taste the ambience and of money for our subvention, as the University will know get a real feeling. What we’re looking for is tangible as exactly where the money will be going and what the likely well as service orientated – we want to be looking at the results will be. environments SUs have to work with and how we compare. Australia is also around seven years ahead of us in terms More importantly, how we can improve. of government action. They already have a variable fees We also want to have very close communication, responding system in place, and the effects of this are something that to points raised by them and barraging them with questions. we are keen to look at. We want to make sure that the path The internet can’t suffi ce with that, and it’s simply not the [email protected] 22 10 04 features 13

same kind of meeting. For example we can say we have conventions and simply having a presence on the national a glider, but it doesn’t tell you what kind, how often it’s arena]. used, how costly it is, how much of a factor it is for students coming to Surrey and so on. What would you say to the question, “Why spend £6k We are also planning to walk around their campuses and on a trip when the sports clubs and societies could do talk to students. Whilst meeting and greeting is informative, with this now?” we want the nitty gritty on the universities and unions we are Well, six thousand pound won’t go a long way. After a few going to visit. To discover the attitudes and feelings of the Finance and Staffi ng meetings [ed – this is where sports students and again, make comparisons and ask them why clubs and societies apply for extra money to their budget in they feel the way they do over there, and what prompts their order to cover extraordinary costs for events, equipment etc] input into the system. this would soon disappear. However, an investment in a trip like this will mean we have This 5-year plan some hard research and evidence to plough into the 5-year malarkey – isn’t it plan. The university will hopefully be impressed with our irrelevant if the sabbs visions and directions, and this will result in greater funding change every year? from them in order to achieve our goals. The example I’d give to answer that is the So… Australia, what do you know about it at the one of our university. moment? The university has just Not that much in terms of direct information about their fi nished writing its 10-year clubs, societies etc. In Australia they are also quite hot on strategic plan, but a new their fi nances. We want to look at successful case studies Vice Chancellor is being appointed. Because the university of how they develop successful businesses that generate has a solid plan and direction, the new VC will not come money for their unions. This extra money from ventures in and throw what they have away. He may have other would prove very helpful and we could plough this extra ideas on how to achieve the fi nal goals, or want to modify money into our SU membership services. the end result – but we’re looking to become a world class SU, and if we can provide some evidence on how to get What’s the general itinerary for the Oz trip? to that point based on strong research then I’m confi dent Right… we’re leaving for Canberra around the 24/5th future sabbaticals will carry on the work we start. They of November. Here, there’s the ACUMA Conference may approach it differently, but so long as the direction and (essentially involving managers of SUs in Oz). Then it’s motivation is there, it will be a very worthwhile asset. time to jet to Melbourne where we’ll look at RMIT and Monash University. You’re the only sabbatical going – how comes? Then on to Adelaide, To be honest, it’s more to do with the university and their which has Flinders approach to this. They are funding the whole event, and University and the Uni are clearly going to market this trip to those they come in of Adelaide. contact with. They want to promote the fact that they care Then it’s off to Sydney enough about their students to send representatives from to see the Uni of the Students’ Union on a project to evolve the Students’ Technology and Uni of Union into a world class institution. New South Wales. They therefore want a student representative to go along. It’s a 3 week trip, so there’s a lot to get in. As the President, I am the fi gure head of the organisation and it just follows that I will be the one to go. What about the UK bunch? I will be keeping a weblog of each day’s events and what’s They’ll be split up and travelling to various areas of the occurring. country, visiting 25 UK Universities in total (including some in Scotland). For example, Scott will be in the Northwest That leads nicely into what kind of evidence and and the West, whereas Andy’s off to Scotland and then the research we can expect from this project… South West. There will be a full report written on both sides of the project – the Australia and UK excursions. This will be brought to, Does the University have an agenda with this at all? and explained at Student Council. The university will get a No, which is encouraging. They haven’t asked us to fi nd copy of the report and we aim to publicise the fact that Surrey anything particular out – so we’re going to engage in our has gone and done this research by making it available to own research to enable us to start making plans to build this other universities in the country. This will hopefully raise our into a world class instution. profi le quite a bit on the national stage, and make us a voice to respect… [ed – this is all important for things like NUS words: neil christie, editor 14 features [email protected] 22 10 04 MAKING IT BIG IN TEXAS trolling down the stepmother and brother, currently residing Sbright, white path in Houston, Texas. comes a figure sporting reflective, wrap-round The first month has proved to be a tough shades and a green- test for him as all his expectations were sleeved baseball shirt. challenged upon arrival. “I thought Dallas Matt has been at the University of North The words “Phi Kappa was like a small country town and I thought Texas for a month now and his time with the Sigma” are proudly the campus would be really small, too. fraternity is just beginning. He accepted its plastered over his chest. Then I get here and it’s like a 21-square- invitation to join in a special ceremony last Despite the blazing ft campus. You can’t leave the campus Saturday after spending the week “rushing. sunshine he still looks without a car, and Dallas has more than 5 ”Rush week is the time students can spend cool as he approaches million people,” he says. meeting all of the fraternities, finding one with a gleaming that suits and then seeing if the fraternities American smile. Matt’s father Stephen Robertson, who has are willing to bid for them. After spending lived in Houston for six years spoke of why the full week with Phi Kappa Sigma, Matt Then something strange Matt’s move is not quite what he expected. and the fraternity brothers seemed to happens. Instead of “It’s great that Matt’s here but it’s not quite immediately bond. the familiar “Hey y’all” welcome, usually what he or I thought,” he said. “The distance to be expected, a rather charming English between Denton and Houston is like the “Part of bid day is the ceremony where we accent greets, “Hello how are you?” When difference between Aberdeen and London, had to run out onto a bandstand and shout questioned about his T-shirt, the very proper so I don’t get to see him too often. But it is out in front of everyone which fraternity voice responds, thrusting his fist in the air, great that he is here.” we were from,” he says. “I was getting “Rush Phi Kappa!” really nervous. A huge crowd of people Describing how the feelings of were shouting and chanting at the It is beginning of the fall semester and homesickness come and go, Matt top of their voices and at first I the week after Rush Week. English energetically perks up, smile couldn’t hear my frat. I got exchange student Matt Robertson, all returning, when he explains up on stage and I saw my the way from the University of Surrey, what he likes best about flag flying and I was so England, has been invited to join one of Texas. “The people are so excited, I shouted ‘Phi the prestigious fraternities at the University friendly, everywhere you Kappa Sigma!’ at the top of North Texas in Denton, Texas. This is go,” he says. “You walk down of my voice and all the a big accomplishment for anyone since the street past somebody and brothers jumped up and fraternities play a fundamental and exclusive you get a smile and they’ll say screamed and shouted for role in the campus social life of American hi. You walk into a room and the me.” universities. They act as a student social first thing everyone does is introduce organisation and provide close friendships themselves. Nobody holds back.” As an English boy, accustomed to drinking, between members, who are referred to as Matt did not let the alcohol laws get in his brothers.“They have all the biggest and best With the same enthusiasm, eyes still way. Living up to the reputation of fraternity parties on campus,” explains Matt with a bright and arms waving energetically, Matt tradition, he partied hard. “In an hour and a knowing grin creeping across his face. quickly launches into a spiel describing half, I had drunk enough to make me forget what he doesn’t like about Texas and what the rest of the day! I threw up for two hours Matt, 19, is a second year business he misses from back home. He does not and after that I passed out for 8 or 9!” management student and describes his allow for interruptions. “I can’t stand the first year at The University of Surrey as “the American food. I’m looked at like I’m stupid Stubbornly denying that fraternity socialising best year of his life.” However, Matt was when I ask for a meal that has less than 1⁄2 is all drunken parties and misbehaving he adamant before he even started university a pound of meat in it and more than an ice- adds in a serious tone, “part of the fraternity that he wanted to spend some time in cream scoop of carbohydrates. Everything rules are that brothers are obligated to America. Commenting on the importance of is processed.” obtain their degree. “They’re really big on learning about American business, he also education. Every frat has a scholarship wanted the chance to be closer to his father, Of course with the legal drinking age being officer; if you drop below a certain grade 21 in the USA, he comments on how he you’re out. If you fail modules, you’re out. misses the lenient English drinking-age They’re really focused and really push laws dearly. “I miss being able to turn you.” around and say to my mates on Sunday evenings, ‘let’s go down to Chancellors and Still considered a “pledge,” Matt will not have a pint!’ I really miss just being able to become a full member for another six chill out in a pub. I’d never again slag off to eight weeks, after a grueling initiation Chancellors!” schedule. He does not know exactly what he has to do in this time, but clinging to [email protected] 22 10 04 features 15

perspective and his morals, he confi dently family concerned, it seems, have been and honestly states that he will not be subjected to an unbelievable witch-hunt pushed too far. “They (fraternities) have by these protesters for many years. a bad rep, but I promised myself when Before digging up the grandmother of I started that I was doing it for a laugh,” the farm owners, the protesters have dug he says. “When I came over I wasn’t up the golf course used by the farmers planning to join a fraternity, so I’m not in question, harassed staff, thrown paint going to do anything I don’t want to do. stripper over vehicles not to mention the I want to become a member and it now classic ‘dog mess through the letterbox’. means a lot to me, but I would be willing Not only the farmers themselves, but to give it up because I wouldn’t sacrifi ce anyone who does business with them, from my morals.” Animal rights... the local pub landlord through to delivery However, he does fully justify his decision but at what drivers collecting from the farm have been to join and trusts the fraternity brothers targeted. It’s diffi cult to imagine just how not to take advantage. “They are nothing much anguish these so called protesters but good people and they’ve given so cost? have put one family through. Add to that the fact that they have now performed their much to us. If they make us do shitty stuff bout 18 months ago I went to my fi rst own exhumation of human remains that I don’t believe they’ll do it just so they can and only NUS conference in Blackpool. get a kick out of it,” he says. “I think they A happens to be the grandmother of one of The thing that startled me the are doing it to promote teamwork and these farmers. most was the sheer number togetherness, the same way as they do in of special interest groups the army. All the guys rushing with me are Now, we all have a right to that make up the bedrock of going through the exact same thing and protest, but at what point did the the organisation. In addition we all stand by each other to produce a method for doing this go from to the student wings of the strong fi ghting unit.” collecting signatures to digging major political parties, add up pensioners? The arguments for There is no doubt in Matt’s mind that such groups as the Union and against vivisection are many coming to America has been a good move, of Jewish students, Cuban and complex, far more complex as his face glows when he contemplates solidarity group, campaign than can be done justice here in his achievements to date. Matt almost for free education and a just a few short lines. Essentially, pleads as he makes the recommendation baffl ing array of other minority most people will accept that an to all other students to try the exchange interest groups that truly had individual has a right to oppose programme. He explains that he thinks to be seen in order to be believed. Whilst the use of animals for biological testing. it is a worthwhile opportunity for anyone. walking past some of the many stands Be this for pharmaceutical, medical, “You come abroad and it’s really scary. in the foyer of the conference venue, I cosmetic or other purposes it is perfectly You do get homesick and you do have remember being accosted by a clipboard- worries. The food is crap and you can’t understandable for a person to object toting student near the free trade stand. drink because you have to be 21, but the to this as being, in their own opinion, She wanted me to sign a petition against people are great. You meet other foreign morally wrong. Where I struggle here is to Huntingdon Life sciences – the Cambridge students, which is fantastic, and you meet understand at what point having a moral based company most famous for animal Texans, which is fantastic. It’s such an objection to the licensed breeding of guinea testing. Not having particularly strong experience,” he says. Cheekily smiling pigs leads to being in a church yard in the views either way, I listened patiently to at the end of his interview, Matt insists on small hours of the morning, shovel in hand. the patter before politely declining the adding one last comment - a call to all the Digging up the golf course, whilst being English boys out there. “Guys you have to offer to add my signature and moving excessive, is one thing – but removing come over here, the girls are crazy about on. This ultimately forgettable exchange human remains from consecrated ground? the accent. I’ve even had girls offer me remained buried until I read an article sex because of my voice! And it defi nitely in the newspaper about animal rights Protesting, it seems, has never been is true what they say… everything is protesters in a Staffordshire village. bigger in Texas!” more popular. Anti-war, anti-globalisation, pro-foxhunting, anti-foxhunting – all have The story goes that the body of a their chance to make their opinions known words: jenna cairney, university of texas deceased 82-year-old grandmother has in a variety of ways. No-one can object to been dug up from a village graveyard peaceful protest but there should always – some seven years after being buried. be boundaries. You’ll forgive me if I don’t The prime suspects are so called feel the need to put pen to paper the next animal rights extremists who have been time I’m presented with a clipboard. waging a long running war against the family in question. Their crime is to breed guinea pigs, under home offi ce words: paul canning licence, that are subsequently sold on to animal testing laboratories. The 16 features [email protected] 22 10 04

by the precision with which our distinguished Dukes and guest was to be shunted from place to place. The dozen-or-so people who were picked out as either shepherds or scenery had their roles Hazards defined and their actions regimented to the last breath. For a royal visit, almost every pace xactly two years ago, I submitted my and handshake is prescribed, and is assigned Efirst column for barefacts. At the time, an hour, minute and second, a twelve-figure I was a first-year postgraduate. I was living geographical grid reference, and a roll of film. with a neurotic student who used to bark instructions through the toilet door at me Did I meet him? Sorry, no, because I didn’t regarding the correct way to wipe my arse. happen to be on that list. In fact, I didn’t happen She kept our house so suffocatingly hot that I had to sleep with to be on campus at all. But looking at the itinerary in all its precious my window wide open in February. Our quarterly fuel bill exceeded detail made me realise how little I knew about our VIP guest. In the three hundred pounds, and when I once turned the thermostat interests of research, and because you’ve got to come away with down by five degrees, she smashed a mug against the wall.I something from this article because otherwise you’ll be angry with found myself spending more and more time at University, and three me, I found out a bit about him. So here, gleaned from the invaluable nights a week the same people would stride past the office window Burke’s Peerage along with a number of other sources, are ten things on the way to the Students’ Union. After a while they noticed me, you didn’t know about HRH The Duke of Kent. and started interacting: swearing, taunting, urinating, until one day somebody actually fell through it. He left a few splashes of blood on 1. The Duke of Kent has five Christian names: his full name is Edward the torn window blinds, and a gouge in my printer where a shard of George Nicholas Paul Patrick Windsor. glass had embedded itself, before disappearing without a trace. 2. The Duke of Kent is Queen Elizabeth II’s At the time, my girlfriend of two years had just deserted me for cousin. Their common grandparents are King a Scotsman with third-rate mind, a contempt for humanity, and a George V and Queen Mary. skill, I was told, for delivering mind-shattering multiple orgasms. I had only one good friend within visiting distance, and he was an 3. Our chancellor is younger than The Queen alcoholic. Yes, life was shit, but showing off in barefacts cheered by eight and a half years, and his birthday is 9th me up. The first article was about a Union campaign to promote October. Hence, this is HRH The Duke of Kent’s safe sex. So far, so meritorious — but the Union had misjudged its birthday issue of Barefacts. Hang out the bunting! audience in presuming that we are all promiscuous. In fact, most students are lucky if they’re sexually active at all. The theme of the 4. Our chancellor should be addressed as ‘Your article was my predicament. It was voiced, albeit pompously, as the Royal Highness’, followed by just plain ‘Sir’ once he’s been greeted day-to-day reality of a silent majority. formally.

Life’s improved since then, though. Last month I got the hell out 5. The Duke of Kent, in common with his father, the first Duke of Kent, of Guildford and I’m now lodging in Frimley with two bemortgaged has never been connected by birth, education, or address with Kent. friends. Frimley is fourteen miles and a world away from Guildford: cheap, low-brow, and boring enough to permit hours 6. The Duke of Kent has been our chancellor since 1977. of uninterrupted typing. I’m getting married in June to a wonderful astrophysicist from Leicester whom I met at a friend’s engagement 7. He should not be confused under any circumstances with his party in 2002. There isn’t much else in my life to worry about now brother, Prince Michael of Kent, or the Marvel superhero Prince Clark except The Thesis, and the usual organisational nightmares and of Kent. familial tensions that spring up in obedient answer to the word ‘wedding’. And I’m sorry, but as a final year postgraduate, my life’s 8. HRH The Duke of Kent is a high-ranking Freemason. become so hectically benign that I just can’t think of anything fun to write about. 9. The footballer-turned-self-styled-visionary David Icke insists that all members of the Royal Family and high-ranking Freemasons are A long time ago, I promised myself that it would never come to this. descended from a line of reptilian extra-terrestrials with a taste for Whenever a columnist starts writing about the process of writing, human flesh (no, really — http://www.davidicke.com/icke/articles/ the death-knell tolls. Well, ladies and gentlemen, I’ve just gone self- aliens.html). referential. The last shard of original thought just left the building, and today, I’m writing about writing. That means that in another 10. If one hundred people have each taken four and a half minutes to fortnight I’ll be writing about writing about writing, read this article, I’ve just wasted an entire working day of the Earth’s and then this whole column’s just going to disappear time. up its own arse. (Do columns have arses?) Well, we’re here to learn, and it’s certainly been an education. Now I’m scraping the bottom of the barrel here, but there you know exactly as much as I do about the Duke of Kent, perhaps is something that might have happened to me last we can go forward together into this beautiful world, do something week. Our chancellor, HRH The Duke of Kent, paid amazing with the time we have left, staple it together, and hand it in a visit to our department. I managed to sneak a to a tutor. Good day to you! glance at the itinerary for the day, and was intrigued words: ben supper [email protected] 22 10 04 features 17 Can everyone stop getting f**ked?

Please. Whilst reading a women’s magazine (you have to Short-term effects are a bit more obvious, and for the nurse so that you know what they’re bitching about with regards to above she had a classic characteristic of it – unsafe sex. men, and if there are any sex tips it’s always a good move This obviously means an increased chance in picking up to study those, too) I came across a report relating t o nasty diseases and STDs – whether you mean to or not, binge drinking. If I’m honest, I thought the serial binge drinking could result in things like contracting article was a bit naff. It certainly didn’t such diseases, and (heaven forbid) something like AIDS. “separate the facts from the hysteria” as it promised. It’s also more likely that individuals will end up in hospital after a big session – either as the victim of a But, a quote from the article both road accident or an assault case (interestingly more prompted a lot of laughter and victims are drunk than assailants in assault cases, and this article. Essentially a nurse got the trend is increasing). plastered and ended up sleeping with someone from senior management. Waking In terms of a nationwide up the next morning with some soreness, she assumed effect, Britain spends she must have had anal sex. billions on trying to help those suffering The article did provide some basis for what is a growing with binge drinking side concern in the UK, and is being pushed up the political effects. Whether or not agenda - binge drinking (drinking lots of alcohol in a short an individual is addicted period). Students (or more specifi cally, those between 16- to alcohol is irrelevant 24) rather unsurprisingly, are being highlighted as a key – any student getting part of the population that are ‘at risk’ from the dangers tanked up three nights a of binge drinking. If you’ve ever wandered into Rubix or week is a lot more likely Chancellors, then you may see one or more individuals to suffer in the long run, that are rather heavily intoxicated. even if they quit drinking after their degree. Why does anyone care? Well apart from the clear fact that it could end up in anal sex aka Miss Nurse above, binge So, conclusion? Be drinking isn’t too great for your body. In fact, it’s pretty aware that binge unhealthy. drinking isn’t good for your health and that it’ll Firstly, binge drinking now can have lasting effects on your simply lead to increased taxes to pay for the burden it puts body. Therefore, it’s not a case of “oh, my liver regenerates on the health service. It may also cost – it doesn’t matter”. Unfortunately what you do now will you a job (binge drinking is responsible have a resulting effect on your future health. for an estimated loss of £6.5bn through sickies from work and being hungover), Binge drinking can severely screw up memory – particularly and could cost you some parts of your long-term. This wouldn’t be a good thing for exams, or body, too. You’re also likely to get a want one? remembering future partners’ birthdays and anniversaries. huge gut from it – so instead of beer, try Believe me, you want to be able to remember those. wine or spirits (in moderation, of course) Binge drinkers are also more likely to have a heart attack every now and then. in later life and suffer from heart problems, and there’s also been a huge increase in liver transplants in young BUT it’d be far too hypocritical to write all this and start people – attributed to binge drinking (particularly amongst campaigning for people to drink less. So, check the teenagers and those in their early twenties). drinking units and quantities at http://www.studenthealth.co.uk/leafl ets/Daily%20Guidelin es%20For%20Sensible%20Drinking.htm.

Bear in mind the government guidelines are to drink a maximum of 14 units per week – and ideally spread across that week, not necking them all in one night.

words: neil christie, editor binge drinking = silly, uninhabited behaviour...

[email protected] 22 10 04 20 societies Fairtrade puzzles “…its not all about drinking Space has been a bit tight for the puzzle section coffee…” this week and it’s had to move to accommodate an extensive sports section! Apologies for standard Of every 100 children born today, cinema ticket prizes - we’ll do our best to get some 30 will suffer from malnutrition, 26 extra special ones in for the next edition. Check out will miss out on immunisations against basic childhood diseases, the Sports Spot the Ball competition to win yourself 19 will lack access to safe drinking water and 17 will never go to some Adidas goodies! school. Every year, nearly 11 million children – about 30,000 a day – die before their fifth birthday, mostly from preventable causes (www.unicef.org.uk).

Many of these statistics could be prevented if international trade Lyrics Quiz laws were changed. At the moment, multi-national companies who buy raw products like tea, coffee beans and cocoa beans from Another set of lyrics from our resident lyricist Amy farmers in Africa, South America and Asia can control the price they Brown - this fortnight all from boyband songs. Answers pay. They are not paying enough. This means that poor farmers are are on page 32. getting poorer, their livelihoods are devalued and whole communities are suffering. Its harsh, its unfair, but unfortunately it’s the reality of 1. I can’t deny what I believe, I can’t be what I’m our world. For more information see www.peopleandplanet.org.uk/ not. tradejustice/briefing.worldtrade.php. 2. I’ll be home soon back in your arms to hear you say that So how can Fairtrade help? 3. You pierced my emotional armour. Bolt of Fairtrade products have been bought from the farmers at a decent lightning couldn’t hit me harder. price. Fairly traded tea, coffee, and chocolate along with many other 4. We got you heads bumping, now you’re products are available. Fairtrade products are high quality, and by jumping from your seats. buying them you are supporting people’s right to make a living for 5. What’s the secret that you’ve been hiding. themselves. There are many testimonies from farmers whose lives 6. And he who laughs last owes you sweet have improved after selling to a Fair Trade company. “Our income nothing. has increased, and I am educating my children, which was not 7. Don’t you know we’ve come too far now. possible before” - Joshna Rahman, incense maker, Bangladesh. 8. People say I’m crazy and that I am blind. 9. Don’t wanna be the loser and I’ve had enough. What will the society be doing? 10. So I tried a different line that meant the same. We believe that when students understand these issues, they will prefer to buy Fairtrade. Therefore as a society we hope to encourage cafes on campus to stock Fairtrade products. The society will be raising awareness and campaigning inspired by the “Student’s UNIVERSITY Guide to Fairtrade”, which can be found at http://www.oxfam.org.uk/ How many words can you find in the word University? what_we_do/fairtrade/uniguide/index.htm. Our sources tell us there are 174... Email us at [email protected] with your best at- The first AGM of the society will be on Wednesday 27th October at tempts and you could win a pair of cinema tickets. 6.30 pm in LTA. Everyone is welcome to come along and find out Deadline: Friday 29th October! more, and if you would like to get involved then we will be holding elections for the society’s committee. The positions open are President, Treasurer, Secretary and Campaigner. At the moment, there are no nominees for Secretary or Campaigner so why not think WINNERS! about nominating yourself? We are looking for committed people to devote 3-4 hours a week. You don’t have to know everything there Thanks to all those who entered last fortnight’s ana- is to know about Fair Trade, just be willing to learn more! For more gram competition. There were three winners: Fiona information about any aspect of the society, or if you would like to Stevenson, Helen Clark and Lucy Pope. nominate yourself, please email me at [email protected].

Finally, let me just say that Fair Trade is not charity, every time you buy tea, coffee or chocolate, you are making a choice. Make your choice count against poverty.

words: sarah davies [email protected] 22 10 04 calendar 21 what’s on in guildford At a loose end? Fancy a well-deserved break from study? Check out our guide to all that’s happening on campus and beyond over the next few weeks!

Odeon Cinema NOW BOOKING FOR PANTO 04/05!! For full listings, call 0871 22 44 007. Snow White & Seven Dwarfs, starring Linda Lusardi Yvonne Arnaud Theatre, Guildford 10th December - 4th January Guildford Book Festival Monday 8th - Saturday 13th November Box Offi ce: 01483 545900 or book Sunday 17th October - Sunday Round the Horne... Revisited online at www.theambassadors.com/ 31st October Box Offi ce: 01483 440 000 woking For full details, check out the www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk programme at Friends International www.guildfordbookfestival.co.uk. PATS Dance Studio Saturday 23rd October: Country Walk Yolande Snaith’s new show Jardin Blanc 1:30pm - 6pm UniSport Centre Park Barn and Westborough Tickets: £10 (full/senior citizens), £5 concessions Open Space Project Box Offi ce: 01483 686876 Spectrum Leisure Centre Saturday 23rd October 10am Saturday 30th October 6pm - 1pm (including BBQ lunch) New Victoria Theatre, Woking Guildford Flames vs Peterborough For more details, contact Vicki Monday 1st - Saturday 6th November Sunday 7th November 6pm Hockley on 01483 689391 Journey’s End starring Philip Franks Guildford Flames vs Fife Box Offi ce: 01483 443333

I wanna be where the sea creatures are! Has anyone ever told you you look like PERSONALS Sean Penn?!! Hey Aladdin and Jasmine, how’s the Genie chair working out for you!!! After three editions of encouragement, Claire and Louise- we want your men!!! we’ve fi nally been fl ooded with personals - Get out right now! they seem to be back with a vengeance! To Sorry for ever mocking your blue shirts. So get your personal in the next edition, e-mail a big sorry to Hugo and Yves!!! xx must be the stockings [email protected] with “personals” in the message line. The titpod is near completion. No ones life Rich, buy some tobasco sauce..... will be the same again!! RatBoy! Anyone want a bacon sarnie? New X-Men 3 Action Figures available to Penetration- is what you need, if you want buy everywhere now. Get to be a record breaker! Rich, stay away from our hoover! Nipplerine with his Deoderant To all you porn lovers out there- never rent Flamethrower. Blue Hotel Three. I’d like to say it sucks but “its union, not rubix” they don’t!!! Love It! Freshers its not called Rubix, its the UNION what, didn’t you orgasm?! Say the UNION!!!! No more Rubix!!!! Third nipples are the new black Hey James! Remember Porn The Musical- To the sexy lecturer with the cute glasses, Watersports has a whole new meaning!!!!!!! We miss you Rob! are you just fl irting or are you serious? Let me know. Ruthy Baby- she’s always watching!!! Big shout out to Cath court 3a fl oor 1! Keep The pretty ones are always gay. the tradition alive, win the best decorated “Uptown Girl, She’s been living in her kitchen competition this christmas! Love & Everyone go out and buy Darren Hayes new uptown world” he sang in the wardrobe!! kisses, the previous occupants x album. Boy he really loves his Westlife songs!!! Beware of the hairy mooms - they’ll steal Graham get out that bush!!!! Robbie Williams’ new single... wtf? your razors as soon as look at you!!! Cedric- offi cially the housewives favourite!! My gorgeous N, thank you for your endless GPA boys are HOT! support, help and affection. Without you, Big Up Radar, I mean Aida, no sorry Adi. I might miss the bluebells along the forest Think we’ve just about got it now!!! Get ready for Penis time on Wednesday path. With faithful love, D. What never to do: Try to teach two drunk afternoons! girls how to play poker! Especially when i am, i’m not, i am, i’m not, i am, i’m not, I they refuse to play the strip version! Jokes and Lies AM, NOT, AM, AM NOT!” 22 film [email protected] 22 10 04

This week it would appear we’re staring The crucial thing is though, that they need stupider and stupider, not that it was at two works by Paul W.S. Anderson hosts to breed – Which could affect their too plausible in the beginning and (no, not him that did Boogie Nights), numbers. the ending’s more Jurassic Park an Englishman who’s well, pretty much than either Alien or Predator. I wasn’t ‘made it’ in America. Unfortunately he A brief look at the Alien films… expecting sense when I sat down in seems to have made it by doing movie Alien: Horror/Suspense the cinema, but I doubt I was meant adaptations of video games (his first big Aliens: Action/Suspense to laugh out loud as much as I did, movie was Mortal Kombat… eek) Alien 3: It would appear 1 + 2 don’t equal 3 getting louder as the film rolled on. Alien Resurrection: Slapstick There are a few sort of ‘fan boy’ moments where it references past Predator films (Lance Henriksen Large humanoid-ish alien playing Charles species who like hunting Bishop Weyland is things. The only thing they the biggest) but for have more of than honour the most part it’s just a is weaponry (spears, watered down version shoulder mounted guns, of the films that throwing star-like-things). precede it. Actually, Despite appearances despite the large Alien vs. Predator they’re not just 7ft tall numbers of actors in Rastafarian robots. it, I don’t feel like talking about any Alien + Predator – Suspense + of them. They’re all immaterial to/ Unintentional Humour A brief look at the Predator films… upstaged by dodgy CGI alien beings. Predator: Took on Arnie... sort of lost Stupid plot aside (I knew the outcome Yes, I know this strictly didn’t start life as Predator 2: Killed by Danny Glover before I even entered the cinema), it a computer game but this fusion of two was enjoyable to watch… which as of eighties cinema’s biggest sci-fi hits (I Us usual is really what you watch films know Alien was ’79… leave me alone) Ah, and finally comes the human race. Back for. All the fallacies in the plot were has manifested itself as one, the general when those young oiks were caused by the inclusion of humans - concept of these two extra-terrestrial supposing who would win we made this movie naughties going head-to-head has out of Alien and Predator what it is, shame on been in people’s minds and the drawing they probably didn’t think us. A movie where boards for ages. It’s the “Who would that we’d be there too (well the predators took win out of…” that you’re pretty sure you some may have had visions on the aliens with overheard two spotty youths of glorious no dialogue (neither talking about in the video e x e c u t i v e races are especially shop. And now it’s here. boxes, like at a verbal) or humans football match, would probably Most may have some where they may have worked out appreciation of who is eat their popcorn and watch the more highbrow. If you were expecting fighting who, but for mess of alien limbs appear in that, you’ll be disappointed – If you those who don’t, here’s comfort and safety). I’d prefer expecting alien-infused action you’ll kind of a run down of the it if we weren’t. The moment enjoy yourself, just don’t expect contestants… humans are put into a movie anything too sensible. with alien beings only one Alien ending’s really going to come of Resident Evil: Apocalypse Nasty Xenomorphs and it, which is disappointing to me. the bane of Ellen Ripley’s existence. (Zombies + Computer Game No weapons of any sort – just claws The set up is thus, a group of explorers trek Sensibilities) - Bad Dialogue + and teeth and usually abundance in out to a remote Antarctic island where there Worse Dialogue numbers. I could go on for pages about supposedly lies ‘the first pyramid’ 2,000 odd Alien life feet under the ice. However when the team A sequel, of a film based on a cycles and get there they find themselves the unwilling computer game – alarm bells are the like, but filling in an Alien/Predator sandwich. The well and truly ringing. After the events these things team then struggle to escape the first of the first the big evil Umbrella (to an extent) pyramid as Aliens and Predators wage their corporation are going back into the do get covered war around them. underground ‘Hive’ lab to see what in the film. the problem was – inadvertently From the beginning the film gradually gets letting the ambling dead out and [email protected] 22 10 04 film 23 the appeal. All I know is I’d rather not that our audience really want to see, but endure it in a movie. Some of the stunts might not otherwise be able to get to. We get beg belief, the set of church scenes for a lot of feedback, and requests, whenever we example: I actually found myself going hold a fi lm season, so hopefully we’re getting ‘You what!?’ in disbelief as I watched the programme right.” a girl on a motorbike smash through a church stained glass window for no good Art-house hits include The Return, winner of reason. the Golden Lion for Best Film in Venice last year, the eerie and engrossing I’m Not Scared, In its defence though, this fi lm is far and the serene yet gripping Spring, Summer, infecting the whole of Raccoon city. more faithful to the games than the fi rst Autumn, Winter & Spring. Documentaries The city’s now been barricaded in and I’ve already lauded its similarity to a range from the acclaimed The Story of the an effort to stop the infection, but it’s computer game - but at the end of the day, Weeping Camel, set in the Gobi Desert, to no use – The evil heads of Umbrella it’s not enough. It may be of interest to Deep Blue, set in the oceans of the world and have sent in the nukes, the city’s hardcore zombie movie fans, though fi lmed by the team responsible for The Blue to be levelled at sunrise. I’d think your average hardcore- Planet. For something more controversial, Guess it’s up to the people zombie-fan might look on in take a bite into Supersize Me, the horrifying trapped inside to fi nd disgust. It’s disposable, bad and hilarious documentary about a man who their own way out… and it would appear the Odeon resolves to eat only McDonalds meals for a have chosen not to show this month; or Fahrenheit 9/11, Michael Moore’s Luckily all the people fi lm on any of their screens, so Palme D’Or Award-winning examination of trapped inside look this review, this confession, has the Iraq war. and act exactly like the meant nothing. computer game characters from To book tickets or for an information leafl et, the Resident Evil series of games This isn’t over though. In the trailers for call the Yvonne Arnaud Box Offi ce (Millbrook, they’re based on. Sort of makes this fi lm the computer-game-to-fi lm mess Guildford; Mon to Sat 10am to 8pm) on 01483 me wonder if I can talk about their ‘House Of The Dead’ was advertised. From 44 00 00 or www.yvonne-arnaud.co.uk. acting… as you’d expect it’s not very the trailer it seems to be working from the good (Milla Jovovich comes close to assumption that what the recent rash of Mon 1st November 6pm Deep Blue acting I suppose). But then you can’t Zombie fi lms was missing was martial really expect Oscar-winning turns 8.30pm Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless arts and bullet time special effects. I feel Mind when you’re in a ridiculously short nauseous. dress, knee-high boots and shooting Tuesday 2nd November things. The fi lm looks right, the style, words: neil boulton, fi lm editor 6pm The Story of the Weeping Camel the characters, it’s all too close to 8.30pm The Life and Death of Peter Sellers being a computer game for it’s own good. Less movie, more watching (Sort of a) Film Festival Wednesday 3rd November someone play their play station in real 6pm The Return time. Then reality kicks in due to the The Yvonne Arnaud theatre in town is doing 8.30pm Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter... and Spring really bad dialogue. I mean it. I don’t a sort of fi lm-week. So for one week there’ll usually like writing things like this, be more than just the Odeon showing fi lms. Hurrah! Most of the line-up however Thursday 4th November but the dialogue is that bad. It would 3pm The Life and Death of Peter Sellers are fi lms which have already, or still are, appear we’ve fi nally reached the point 6pm Nicholas Nickleby where someone shooting a dog and showing at the Odeon. I do recommend 8.30pm Fahrenheit 9/11 proclaiming “Stay” with some kind of seeing Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless macho sneer makes people neither Mind (I know it’s out on DVD now/soon but Friday 5th November gasp or laugh. I’ve never played some people like me enjoying watching 3pm Wimbledon things on big screens). I was going to write 6pm The Motorcycle Diaries Resident Evil (gasp?) but due to the 8.30pm Stage Beauty success it’s about it, but the press release is quite apt & succinct. So here it is: received I’d Saturday 6th November like to think 1.45pm King Arthur the characters From November 1 – 7, the theatre will 4pm Supersize Me didn’t go show 16 fi lms on its big screen. The line- 6pm Wimbledon a r o u n d up includes everything from the latest big- 8.30pm The Village u t t e r i n g screen hits to documentaries and foreign- language hits. A spokesman for the theatre Sunday 7th November clichés on 1.45pm I’m Not Scared this level said that short seasons of fi lms were now a regular feature in the Yvonne Arnaud 4pm Stage Beauty – or maybe 6pm The Terminal calendar, and had proved extremely they do, 8.30pm The Motorcycle Diaries maybe that’s popular. “This is our chance to show fi lms 24 albums [email protected] 22 10 04

JAMES YORKSTON AND TEARS IN X-RAY EYES TALIB KWELI THE ATHLETES The Way We Live The Beautiful Struggle Now Rawkus Somewhere Beyond Test Tube Records Any true hiphoppers in the The River place? Anyone reminisce on the rise and fall of Domino The minimalist pink, Despite being signed to the Rawkus Records? Anyone love the first grey and white sleeve gives nothing same label as Franz Ferdinand, James Black Star album like it was an old friend away. Sharing the same love of physics Yorkston and The Athletes are a long way or a slice of chocolate cheesecake? and retro machine as Grandaddy this away from the world of angular rock and Fair enough, this is a uni paper, and the 2nd album saunters through its glass- eyeliner. Their elegantly crafted modern answers to the above are probably ‘No, fragile and eclectic electronica in the folk songs are very easy to allow to slip background well when you’re working, no and who?’ To the unitiated, Kweli has unobtrusively into the background but sadly in the process completely failing always represented the more intelligent reveal a surprising amount of beauty on to be memorable. Don’t be so beautiful, side of hiphop, with enough character closer inspection too. Yorkston’s soft but shares it’s mellow with Damien Rice and musical integrity to create powerful confident vocals suit the laidback band but is lyrically similar to Turin Brakes. music, oft joined on the mic by Mos Def. perfectly, and, once getting over the Electricity is possibly the best song for To cut a long story short, this album is banjos and accordions present, the wistful its powerful sense of urgency and seems disappointing. Lyrically, its incredible, brilliance of the likes of Surf Song and The glossier than the rest. I was disappointed but the beats are throwaway and Snow It Melts The Soonest that more of the album wasn’t similar monotonous, apart from contributions shine. The surprise pleasure of the week. since he could be a pretty decent set if from Kanye West and Just Blaze. Save **** i.f. he lost the depression. An acquired taste. your money and buy the Black Star LE TIGRE ** m.c. album. **.c.l.d. This Island MAD CAPSULE MARKETS SUPER FURRY ANIMALS Universal CiSTm K0nFLiqT… Songbook - The Singles This CD would appear to be a Gut fine exponent of “Not judging Epic a book by its cover” because behind the Digitally infused loud punk worrying artwork of ‘The high school prom rock from Japan is the name of the game I’ll be honest here, I’ve never been that went wrong’ hides a female fronted much of a Super Furries fan (ever since here - Punk drumming, simple guitars politically-minded feminist synth-heavy I bought Guerilla and realised it was punk-rock amalgamation. Well, when I say and an odyssey of blips and bleeps. mainly crap), but listening to this, it’s ‘punk’ it’s not really the ‘punk’ people who The rising synths of opener RETALK are hard not to admire the sheer eclecticism say they like punk would enjoy… but you quite compelling and things get poppyer and innovation. The songs on here can tell it’s there from the guitar driven with the pretty miss-titled SCARY. But if range right from the almost normal rock openers One The Verge/Seconds to the you’ve heard either of the bands last two/ of Golden Retriever and Do Or Die, to almost-aptly titled Punker Plus. New Kicks three albums you’ll know what to expect. the electronica of Ice Hockey Hair and shamelessly drives in the anti-war/US The synth elements may be a tad trance- Play It Cool, to the ballads (Juxtapozed Foreign policy statements (“This is what ier but recording pretty much the same With U, Fire In My Heart), to the pretty democracy sounds like”) - the sort of music album for the best part of ten years can’t summer tunes (Northern Lites, (Drawing) Madonna wishes she could make. *** n.b. be healthy. I like it to bits; I just wish it Rings Around the World) all the way was different to it’s precedents. **** n.b. through to the two tracks off their Welsh album Mwng (Ysbeidiau Heulog and Blerwytirhwng?). As best ofs go, this is absolutely superb, well worth spending This week’s reviews have been written by Jon Allen and Dina Mystris, the Mu- your hard-earned student loan on. **** sic Editors, Neil Boulton, Sam Carney, Matthew Conacher, Jon Darzi, Corin L j.a. Douieb, Christopher Driscoll, Beth Heale, Duncan Hills, James Newell, Anna Shaw and Peter Wigfield [email protected] 22 10 04 singles 25

THE ROOTS DHARMA DRIVE THE DEPARTURE Audio Porn EP Be My Enemy I Don’t Care Future and Glory Sounds like Franz Having discovered The What is audio porn actually Ferdinand sandwiched with Roots at Reading this supposed to sound like? The Rapture, but in a good summer, I wasn’t disappointed by this, To me, this implies moans, groans, way. The lyrical content the fi rst single from their sixth album, and squelching noises. ‘Audio Porn’ is easy to relate to, its about not being however, sounds much more like an ‘The Tipping Point’. The bassline is false towards the people you know. upbeat merge of Lightning Seeds, indeed ‘pumping’ and this soulful Musically it is positively self indulgent Smashing Pumpkins, Jane’s Addiction producing a decent record. They’re a example of intelligent hip hop is bound and many more besides. Not really that band on the up after recently supporting to get heads nodding. I’m off to buy the erotic then. Puddle Song fi nishes the album now. **** b.h. album off nicely, with more la-la’s than The Killers. *** s.c. Hey Jude. But should you fi nd it sexually exciting, I recommend you get out more. *** r.h. HIDDEN CAMERAS THE ZUTONS THE OTHERS I Believe In the Good Don’t Ever Think of Life. (Too Much) Stan Bowles Rough Trade DeltaSonic Infected

Outside the popular “URGH! What the f**k is As the name of the song suggests this music world, the phrase ‘infectious’ that?!? What a dreadful voice! Poor Canadian group are as optimistic as you rarely carries positive connotations. thing, sounds like his sinuses are all can musically get. Luckily sharp lyrics And while the chirpy vocal-echoing blocked up….this is crap…. So why have redeem the band from sounding like sax and the chorus’s repeated student- I just put it on repeat??? …I don’t want to dodgy tambourine wielding Mississippian friendly refrain of the song’s title are like this song, damn it! ….Hmmm I might country church choir folk. A song about buy the album.” A good, punkier take, on undeniably that, whether to regard the pains of democracy and stolen current British rock. Frustratingly catchy. underpants is something that should be Don’t Ever Think… as a welcome **** d.h. mood brightener or an undesirable embraced. irritant is entirely a matter of personal **** c.d. taste. *** j.d. THE BEES RAMMSTEIN One Glass of Water Virgin Amerika GOOD CHARLOTTE Universal There has been a fair Predictable amount of praise for The Bees recently but they are really going Exactly the anthem-like, to have to do better than this. The chorus powerful, catchy single, Sounding as though just drags and is sung with so little punch which Rammstein fans were waiting they’ve regurgitated their that it just sinks into the background. for. Nothing out of the ordinary, just an last single whilst trying Recording the song in some kind of old/ outstanding live track which will inevitably to grow up, ‘Predictable’ has ended retro style doesn’t help and just makes it get crowds, both here and in Germany, up being, well, predictable. To give sound badly recorded. Sappy. ** d.h. jumping like crazy on their forthcoming them their due, Good Charlotte have tour. **** j.n. produced another passable pop song, but the bridge/ monologue towards Since Good Charlotte have released a new album, we’ve been lucky the end sounds extremely fake and Fancy reviewing CDs for the barefacts enough to get our hands on some juvenile. I had hoped to be surprised, music pages? Than drop Jon and Dina t-shirts to give away. All you have to I wasn’t. ** b.h. (the music editors) an e-mail on do get these wonderful items is email [email protected] or pop [email protected] along to the CD handout session on Mon- with the answer to this question: What day 25th October in the Media Centre at is the fi rst single off the Chronicles of 5.15pm! Life and Death called? 26 live [email protected] 22 10 04

KAISER CHIEFS Camden Electric Ballroom Weds 13th October THE MUSIC With a recent support tour with Franz Ferdinand under Hammersmith Palais their belts, Kaiser Chiefs have had a great experience in Thurs 7th October getting crowds wound up for acts somewhat bigger than themselves. Experience that showed in tonights slot, in The Music have always been acclaimed support of The Ordinary Boys. Their tunes, rather like as one of the best live bands around, but Dogs Die in Hot Cars, are heavily influenced by XTC following the recent release of their album and Dexys Midnight Runners, but the vocals have a Welcome to the North it seems that they have taken everything up fantastic old-school punk punch to them. Their energy a notch. They are still in their own little niche of rock-music-that- whipped the crowd up superbly, peaking as singer Nick you-can-dance-to, but now the melodies have that extra power and literally jumped into new single I Predict A Riot and then drive behind them to back up Robert Harvey’s trademark yearning as they left us with their debut, Oh My God. Brilliant vocals, pushing the tunes towards territory occupied by the likes of stuff. j.a. Jane’s Addiction and U2. Tonight, the opening song is The Dance, which sets the tone in name alone. As their phenomenal set passes Live at Rubix Coming up... through the powerful Welcome to the North and the downright Tuesday 26th October: MONKEY BOY outrageous funk of The People, I try to think back to the last time I I think these quotes say it all really… saw a crowd of people dancing quite this hard, but as the evening continues, I have to give up thinking and just join in. Then, as the “...bizarre, unique, stop start concoction of punk, blues last few notes of Freedom Fighters ring out, Harvey mumbles an and something else entirely” - Rock Sound introduction to Bleed From Within. “This one’s about passion, not fashion”, and in one single sentence has summed up just about “HELL’S primates! ...absolutely shit loads of self- everything that makes The Music what they are. To look at, they depreciating humour and some stonking tunes, seem like some random collection of Northern scallies. To listen to, means Monkey Boy really do stand out from the they are somewhere in between the baggy scene of the 90’s and crowd” - Metal Hammer mainstream American rock (particularly the AC/DC-esque stadium ballad One Way In, No Way Out) with super-funky drum beats “...kind of like something slammed together in a garage heavy on the hi-hat thrown in. Nothing particularly fashionable at and then sent clanking out into the world totally ill- all, seeing as the only bands it appears ‘cool’ to dance to at the equipped to deal with modernity but still armed with moment are either the punk-funk outfits from New York (Radio 4, enough saw-tooth do-whats and oojimaflips to see off LCD Soundsystem, The Rapture) or the wave of 80’s loving, art- way more state-of-the-art competition” - Melody Maker funkers from Scotland (Franz Ferdinand, The Futureheads and at a push Dogs Die in Hot Cars). It’s bands like The Music that give http://www.monkeyboy.co.uk you faith in an indie music scene that is currently way too reliant on tight jeans and Converse All-Stars/sharp suits and skinny ties. TOKYO DRAGONS Here’s hoping that Welcome to the North is the album to send Camden Underworld them into global superstardom, they certainly deserve it. j.a. 6th October 2004 The atmosphere in the small venue was electric. Even though Tokyo Dragons were in support of Oxford metallers Winnebago Deal, most of the crowd was CHERRYFALLS clearly there to see them. A slow changeover from the London ULU opening act did not go down well with the impatient Fri 8th October crowd, but when the band burst on stage everything As current up and coming bands go, changed. Wasting no time on introduction, they Cherryfalls are one of the most promising. burst into ‘Teenage Screamers’, their incredible new Blending melodies that make Snow Patrol sound tuneless with single, and whipped up, almost instantaneously the the guitar edginess of Bends-era Radiohead it can only be a most violent pit I’ve been in for a very long time. The matter of months before they are household names. Headlining rest of their set was a blur of great ULU’s ‘Best Of The Live Room’, they put on the kind of rock and roll songs, which kept performance that not even a crowd full of irritating obnoxious- the crowd truly enthralled until the rich-kid-student-fashion-clones could ruin, highlights of the end. An awesome display, from an set including forthcoming single In Your Arms Again (out on awesomely talented band. Expect November 1st, hint hint) and their previous release Standing big things out of this band, who are Watching. Keep an ear out for these guys. j.a. genuinely going to shine when they start filling out the big arenas their music is designed to fit. j.n [email protected] 22 10 04 literature 27

I don’t think my articles have been truly already. And had he been alive now, he dropped something” and have 200 pages th refl ecting my personality of late. My could have locked himself in his room of thrills, spills, and 18 century high society problem is that I’m generally obliged and listened to Linkin Park. If it’s satire, shenanigans before ending with “and then it to review books I enjoyed reading, it doesn’t work. If not…I weep. hit the ground” I’ll be boring English students which denies my true, bitter and for centuries to come. Who can tell? misanthropic colours the opportunity to shine through. I’m going to go off Pride and at a tangent this week and let my pen Prejudice Interview with release nothing but caustic invective at a Vampire those terrible yet inexplicably popular Jane Austen sacred cows of the book world which Anne Rice – I believe – suck. Jane Austen’s writing style reminds me This is more of an ideological difference. “IV” The Catcher of my own, which I fi nd to be terrifying. on its own isn’t so bad. It’s basically a D.H. It’s not wholly impenetrable, although in the Rye Lawrence novel with a genuinely interesting you can almost hear her fl icking through subject matter. I’ve theorized that such a her Roget’s so each word can be as JD Salinger book might be the best one ever. Evidently abstruse and polysyllabic (see, I do it too) the public seemed to agree – replace horny, as possible. That’s no problem as such introspective Edwardian women with horny, – there’s a reason there’s no Children’s I was going to start with a witty parody, introspective French vampires, keep the Ladybird edition. No, it lies in the fact that but my work has already been done long descriptive passages and you have a you can predict the exact ending from the by some reviewer on amazon.com. winner. But this book is the reason Anne Rice fi rst chapter – nay, the fi rst SENTENCE Technically, there’s nothing wrong with has grown into an ego-monster reminiscent is suffi cient. “A man….must be wanting the bare content of the story. Joyce and of Jabba the Hutt. People told her she was a wife.” Well, Holmes, perhaps he gets a Dostoevsky made masterpieces out of not only a moderate smarty-pants, but a true sodding wife in the end?! Why all these far less eventful slices of everyday genius, and they kept it up for 25 years, and extra pages fi lled with drivel and tosh? life. Catcher could have been half- it went to her head and she fi red her editor Won’t somebody think of the trees? way decent if not for a problem of and forgot what paragraphs are and the Maybe I’m being unfair, and all this was perspective. That is, it’s written from results are dreadful. All her recent works new and fresh in 1795. Just as Isaac the wrong one, that of the antihero. are..well, porn, and crappy porn at that. Asimov seems clichéd today because This brain-dead personage has just She recently read a bad review of her latest every sci-fi writer since 1940 ripped him been expelled from boarding school offering “Blood Canticle” on Amazon.com off somehow, so may it be with Austen for, in essence, being an idiot. He then and went insane, posting a hilariously and the writers of cardboard rom-coms, proceeds to blame his idiocy, in long arrogant chapter-length rant in reply. It’s Mills and Boon stories, and messages rambling passages, on everybody in available on www.annerice.com and comes inside fortune cookies. Or maybe if I the entire world. JD Salinger effectively highly recommended. “Blackwood Farm” start a novel with “One day someone captures the voice of this angsty and meanwhile, in which a 17 year old boy wants restless teen by the subtle technique to have sex with everything (normal) and of writing “goddamn” every third word Too Long; then does (horrifying, sickeningly abnormal) and calling everything “phoney”. Holden just made me feel resentful. At their creative Caulfi eld, for that is his name, then has Didn’t Read peak Nick Drake and Kurt Cobain had the a whole string of worthless adventures good sense to kill themselves, before the which serve to drive his unmitigated This week: inevitable decline. If only Ms. Rice had foolishness all the way home. When his Atlas Shrugged by Ayn Rand thought like that. Here’s hoping. old teacher (loved, trusted and known for so many years) fi nally gets round “Jack and Jill McGorgeous I’ve had to leave out Atlas Shrugged, the to sexually molesting him, you’ll fall off are incredibly intelligent and Harry Potter series, The Silmarillion and a your chair with laughter, so richly does sexy genius entrepreneurs in a few other books. If you want to (dis)agree he deserve it. Poor Holden, it seems, nightmare future where the evil with me on any of them, drop me a line at was simply born at the wrong time. socialists are planning to eat their [email protected] because I’d love to Had he been alive in 1840 he could livers with some fava beans and hear your opinions and value them highly. have grabbed himself a runaway slave a nice Chianti. PS I am insane, Honest. and set off down the Mississippi, only ignore me” someone wrote a better book about that words: arvind virdee, literature editor Give money to charity, gamble without losing any money, AND have a great evening. How? The upcoming Casino Night in the University Hall…

Money goes towards Cancer Research UK, a well worthwhile charity organisation. As cancer is diagnosed in one in three, there’s a strong chance it would directly benefit you, or someone you know in the future.

The Night will be on the 6th November. You simply buy a ticket for £20, and this entitles you to £100 worth of “fun money” to gamble with. You DON’T need to know how to gamble – professional croupiers will be available to teach you how to play a variety of games, including blackjack, roulette, and poker.

The more “fun money” you win, the better chance you have of winning a prize at the end of it all. Prizes include bottles of wine, beer, Union tickets, meals in Guildford, a meal or hamper in the Lakeside Restaurant, trips to Madame Taussauds, Paintballing, and a day at the races!

You would be a complete fool to pass up the opportunity to do something good, and have fun at the same time.

Whilst having a break from the gaming, you can indulge in free canapés all evening whilst sipping your favorite cocktail, available from the cocktail bar (open ‘til midnight), listening to the Juniper Hill Blues Band, and watching all your favorite Ocean’s Eleven cast in action on the big screen!

Come along and enjoy this rare chance to dress up in your very own ‘Vegas chic’, and experience the elegance and adrenaline of a top-class casino in a transformed University Hall.

Tickets available, again for just £20, from the Union shop, Fridays in the management school (11am to 2pm), or by emailing [email protected], where someone will arrange to give you the tickets in person!

If you have any queries please email [email protected] and your questions will be answered, or visit www.20to1events.tk for more information.

In case you wanted a reason why Cancer Research UK should be given your money, here are a few: Cancer Research UK aims to reduce the number of people getting cancer, their vision is to conquer cancer through world-class research, aiming to control the disease within two generations. Cancer Research UK aim to carry out world-class research into the biology and causes of cancer.

Cancer Research UK funds more than 35 clinical research centres based within major hospitals throughout the UK. These clinical research units make significant contributions to improvements in the clinical management and treatment of most types of cancer. Cancer is a highly complex disease that is still only partly understood. Only through a better understanding of the disease will the improved treatments, diagnostics and prevention strategies of the future be developed. In short, they need funding to carry out these worthwhile causes. You get a great evening’s entertainment, they get some money to continue their cause – two huge reasons to go and have some fun.

30 GU2 Radio 1350 am/MW

GU2 Weekly Schedule

Mon Tues Wed Thurs Fri Sat Sun Jazz Revo- Phill 11 0000 lution Nathan 0100 0200 0300 GU2 Non-Stop Music 0400 0500 0600 0700 Breakfast Breakfast Breakfast with Tom Breakfast with Tom Breakfast 0800 with Dave and Gra- with Dave and Gra- with Dave ham ham 0900 Sarah 33 Horsley 1000 Scoot and Judge 60s and Mental Mental Danielle 70s Show 1100 and Paul

Alex, Jen- Owen and 1200 nie and Lloyd The Es- Gemma sence, Attiba and John Miller 1300 Andy Piers The TNT Sport Show Karsenbarg Show with Tug- Playlist with 1400 muck a Twist Chart Show 1500 Jon Skinner Big Al and Big Al’s Leroy Sunday the Sex Presents... Love in the Service 55 1600 Machine Personal Afternoon Playlist Alex Col- lins and Drivetime Sexmick Drivetime CRISPY Drivetime 1700 With Jay Cheese With Jay With Jay Old Skool Anthems Audio 1800 Off the Ambush Cyclone Beaten - requests Dance Track Show 1900 Genreles- Old Skool Audio Am- Nosh So Surpris- simo Anthems bush - D&B ing with 2000 Cyclone Dance Show Xan Phillips 2100 Da Jump Off Dusty Ian Hill Lazy Sun- 00 Crates Da Jump Tom Nor- (Gash) day 2200 Show Off Kirsty Dodd man Internation- Phill Jazz Revo- 2300 al Show Nathan lution GU2 Radio 1350 am/MW 31

I really have. It is such a diverse group of people, with Who‛s Who @ GU2 different interests and talents, that I thought I wouldn’t get on with everyone but we all seem to mesh well and This fortnight... work well together (I hope!). ... a Fresh Edition! Are you another one of those crazy presenters Firstly please introduce yourself, and what do you everyone listens to? do at GU2? No, I’m afraid not. I work ‘behind the scenes’ at Hi, my name is Fi Poole and I am a second GU2 and try and stay as far away from the year Business Management student. I joined mic as possible, even though I have been the GU2 team this year in the marketing roped into it once, which was an interesting 1 department and I will be running for the experience. committee position of Deputy of Marketing at the next EGM. Any advice for people wanting to get involved with GU2? What fi rst caught your attention about GU2? Do it! I am so glad I approached the station and asked to get involved as I feel I have I actually read about GU2 in the fi rst edition of barefacts learnt so much already. You don’t need to have any this year. There was an advert for positions in marketing experience in the area that you want to join, just within the station and I thought this could be a really willingness and enthusiasm. You will be surprised how good opportunity to extend my interest in this area and much you learn about yourself. also put some of my knowledge into practice. I admit I did not know anything about GU2 before I joined the Finally, what 3 words would best describe you? team but now I am an avid listener and I am getting to 3 know about all areas of the station, not just marketing. Ummm…let’s see. Talkative, approachable and I thought getting involved with a radio station was practical! something unusual and I also knew it would be a good opportunity to meet some new people and get some For more info on all things practical experience. GU2 visit www.gu2.co.uk.

How did you fi nd settling into GU2? Meetings every Thursday 6.15pm LTE. Absolutely fi ne! Everyone has made me feel so welcome at GU2, it seems like I have been there a lot longer then Everyone welcome!

This month of October sees GU2 in the middle of a brand spanking new piece of marketing genius. GU2 5 FRESH has landed!

GU2 FRESH is the fi rst in a series of month long promotions, the brain child of the 2004/05 Marketing Team, which is headed by Graham Chipande. Graham’s team includes Natalie, Fiona and Ric, and is primarily tasked with promoting GU2 to the students of the University of Surrey. GU2 FRESH is an entire month of FRESH new faces, FRESH talent and FRESH music from all your favourite artists. GU2 FRESH is showcasing the newest home-grown talent right here in Surrey and you can catch all the FRESHest shows on GU2 24 hours a day 7 days a week on 1350AM/MW.

Next month the team will be bringing you GU2 LIVE, which if you can’t guess is where GU2 are focussing on LIVE acts and performances. November will no doubt see many more outside broadcasts from Rubix on Live! Nights and the play-lists will be changed accordingly to refl ect this emphasis. If you would like to talk to anyone on the marketing team please do drop them an email on [email protected]. 0 Make sure you try out GU2, check the schedule out on the opposite page and tune into 1350AM/MW to get FRESH! 32 webweb [email protected] 22 10 04

Those of you returning this year will have noticed a small difference with the way that events are announced. Gone are the days of being able to open barefacts and see what’s happening in the union nightclub. Now it’s all gone hi-tech, with the launch of the Grapevine.

So, what is it? Put simply it’s a once-a-week email that tells you about everything that’s going on in Rubix over the next 7 days. But it doesn’t just give you info about events. It also gives you exclusive information about tickets so you can buy them before anyone else even knows they’re on sale.

And how do you sign up? Simply go to ussu.co.uk/grapevine. Fill in your Mousetrap email address and bob may or may not be your mother’s brother. You can “FLash…aaah...” expect to receive the events listing and receive your tickets before anyone So by now everyone should be wading through essays, lab else. What more do you want? experiments, presentations and other rubbish academic stuff, so if like me you’re getting tired of reading long words which make no sense, Finally, we’re now getting close to the the web offers welcome relief. In fact, Flash is so good at providing 1000th subscriber. If you’re that person this relief that I feel that we should have a day each year where we then you’ll win free entry to all Rubix celebrate its invention. It has made the web a better place to waste events for the rest of the semester. So time. hurry up, subscribe and win! [wordcount.org] will while away a good few minutes of your time: it’s a really neat animation containing 86,000 words of the english dictionary words: piers karsenbarg in order of their commonality. The most obscure word I could think of was semiquaver, which comes in at 76,781. Do you want to develop your There are tons of games out there. If you’re a mega drive fan you web skills? Fancy being part of can play sonic the hedgehog online at [ebaumsworld.com/sonic.html. the www.ussu.co.uk webteam? The gameplay and music are both really faithful to the original. Visit [davidandgoliathtees.com/games/throwrocks.html] to throw Or maybe just taking photo- rocks at boys (because we are rubbish), and there’s a fiendishly graphs at Rubix events for the difficult try-not-to-get-electrocuted game at [kmb.com.hk/chi/wonder/ photo gallery? Then email Piers, finaleasy0110.swf]. webmaster extraordinaire, at Flash is a pretty useful tool for making music videos, as utilised by [email protected] Lodger [koti.welho.com/alaari/lodger/] on their track ‘I Love Death’, and The Concretes’ ‘You Can’t Hurry Love’ which you can find at

[lickingfingers.com/downloads.php]. Both of these are fantastic.

Bye 10. 3T – I Need You Need I – 3T 10. Bye

And then there’s just the weird stuff: [weebls-stuff.com/toons] contains Bye Bye – N-Sync 9. Me Love You As Long

some great stuff – including the now famous Weebl and Bob and the As – Boys Backstreet 8. Day Another Stay –

frightening Salad Fingers. It’s an absolute must-see. [angryalien.com] 17 East 7. Nothing You Owe I – Bros 6. Again

have 30 second flash versions of The Exorcist, The Shining, Titanic, Fool – Westlife 5. Feeling the Got – Five 4.

Alien and Jaws. All acted out by rabbits… and surprisingly accurate, Bodyshakin’ – 911 3. Changes Everything – too. That Take 2. What Matter No – 1.Boyzone

Just don’t blame me when you lose all your social skills and fail your quiz lyric to Answers degree…

words: simon pearson [email protected] 22 10 04 careers 33

in the Careers Service. I must mention though that the majority of employers who send us brochures or vacancy information at this time of year are major graduate recruiters. You can also Dr. Russ replies ... meet employers when they visit. A list of those attending is updated on the Careers Service website. I know what type of work I’d like to do. How do I fi nd employers who’d want me? What if I wanted to work for a smaller organisation? A convenient place to start is by using a Careers Directory It’s a bit early to apply to smaller employers since they tend to such as Prospects. We have free copies of these in the work on a shorter time-scale. A mail-shot which included your Careers Service and the information they contain is also CV and a covering letter around March or April next year would available on www.prospects.ac.uk. You could use the index probably receive a more positive response. You could also, by to fi nd out who is recruiting graduates for the type of work then, begin to use current vacancy lists such as the Immediate you have in mind. Something else you can do is check the Vacancies Bulletin which we produce in the Careers Service. Vacancy Bulletins which you will fi nd on the table just as There are also useful directories such as Kompass which list you come into the Careers Service. These summarise the smaller employers. most recent information we have received from employers about the graduates they will need next year. You can also Got any other tips? see this information on the Careers Service home page at Just one. I invariably see students every year who have failed http://portal.surrey.ac.uk/careers. to get job offers because they have only applied to employers who are ‘household names’. The competition for these is How can I fi nd more information about employers? intense. By all means include them in your list, but consider Most employers, well certainly the larger ones anyway, whether it would also be in your interests to fi rst research and carry their graduate recruitment information on their web then apply to a few you’ve never heard of. They often have site. You can access this conveniently through the web- some great jobs on offer for which they simply don’t get enough based version of our vacancy bulletin because we provide applicants. links to employer sites wherever possible. Many employers produce career brochures as well so if you’d prefer to look words: russ clark, careers service at a paper version we often have at least a reference copy

CAREERS EVENTS COMING UP...

BUNAC HOW TO SURVIVE THE INTERVIEW* MONDAY 25 OCTOBER 6PM LT M weeks 8 and 9 WEDNESDAY 3 NOVEMBER A broad themed presentation for those 2 – 4.30 PM LT B thinking about working and travelling A repeat of the workshop on 20 October abroad but uncertain about where to go designed to help you develop an effective and what to do. See www.bunac.org for METRONET* interview technique. more information. THURSDAY 28 OCTOBER 6.30 PM LT M MVA* PRICEWATERHOUSECOOPERS* A presentation for all engineering disciplines THURSDAY 4 NOVEMBER 6 PM IN LT F TUESDAY 26 OCTOBER 6PM LT E by this consortium of 5 world class Multi-disciplinary international transport Interview Techniques: What should you do companies involved in the development of consultancy. and say in an interview? In this session you the London Tube system. will receive information on the do’s and don’ts PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST* of interviews and an insight into interview PETER BRETT ASSOCIATES* techniques. THURSDAY 4 NOVEMBER MONDAY 1 NOVEMBER 6.15PM 6.15 – 8.15 PM LT B LT A PRACTICE APTITUDE TEST* Large independent multi-disciplined PRICEWATERHOUSECOOPERS* WEDNESDAY 27 OCTOBER engineering consultancy practice. Civil, 2.15 – 4.15 PM IN LT B Structural and Environmental Eng, FRIDAY 5 NOVEMBER CAREERS The tests we run are parallel to those that Eng Geology, Geography, Town and SERVICE many employers use as part of their selection Environment Planning. Mock Interviews: If you have an interest in a process. There are 3 sections designed to career in fi nance at PwC, they will provide you test your logical thinking. with a mock interview and feedback. Please SAINSBURY’S* TUESDAY 2 NOV FROM 10 AM submit your CV to Careers by Fri 29 October. IBM* (placements only) Mock interviews, plus opportunity for THURSDAY 28 OCTOBER 6 PM IN feedback. Please submit your CV by Mon * Please register with Careers GRIFFITHS LECTURE THEATRE 1 Nov to Careers. if you wish to attend or email All disciplines and all business areas. [email protected] 34 alumni [email protected] 22 10 04 Alumni events

For more information, visit www.surrey.ac.uk/alumni.

Surrey Alumni Society Golf Meeting on Alumni Society Fundraising 13th October at Farnham Golf Club October sees the launch of the Alumni & Development Alumni, Friends, Staff and Students came together on Offi ce’s second telephone campaign to raise money for the Wednesday 13th October to play at the Alumni Society University of Surrey Annual Fund. Golf Meeting at Farnham Golf Club. Despite some typical Following a very successful campaign last year where English weather, spirits remained high and a good day £170,000 was pledged, it was decided to try it again for a was had by all. Four teams played for The Friends’ Cup second year. with alumni, friends and current & ex-staff playing against current students, many of whom are in the University Elite A team of 42 current students have been recruited, from all Squad. years, courses and both undergraduates and postgraduates and they will be contacting our Alumni to tell them about the The student team, captained by Ben Palfrey not only won University today and to encourage them to contribute to the the cup again, but also School of Management student, Annual Fund.

As well as raising funds, the campaign provides an ideal opportunity for the University to maintain relationships with Pictured left to right: our alumni and respond to their questions. Reg Duncan (SoM Staff), David Gray (Alumni The Annual Fund is used to help talented students obtain a & SoM Staff), Seb university education, regardless of their background, through Bulpin (SoM) and Colin the provision of scholarships and essential fi nancial support. Roope(Computing) The Fund is also used to enhance campus facilities beyond the scope of the University’s core funding.

This year, we hope to call over 3000 alumni from all over the More on Golf at UniS... world, who graduated between 1950 and 1996. 20 students in two teams will be calling at each session and will be matched The University Of Surrey, in conjunction with The Royal by subject studied and interests, where possible, with our and Ancient Golf Club of St. Andrews, offers eight golfi ng alumni. They will be calling during weekday evenings and at bursaries per year to category one golfers both male weekends. and female. The University has student membership arrangements with Farnham and West Surrey Golf Clubs, The campaign began last weekend with a two day training two beautiful parkland courses set in the heart of Surrey, session to prepare callers for their valued roles. Professor with excellent practice and coaching facilities. Farnham Peter Butterworth, the Vice-Chancellor’s Golf Club is the venue for our golf teams’ Development Director and his team, hosted home matches in the BUSA Championships. a lunch in the Lakeside restaurant and thanked the students for their efforts so far Golf at UniS is part of The Elite Sports and wished them well in the coming weeks! Programme (ESP) which is an amalgamation The campaign will run from Monday 18th of three concentrated areas of elite October to Saturday 13th November in the performance at the University. These are Nodus Centre. Squash, Golf, and Individual Sports Performers. A variety of resources, as well as fi nancial aid, is available to those on the programme. Support and guidance is also TELEPHONE CAMPAIGN available on University life and academic progression. UPDATE

For more information visit : 42 students attended the www.unisport.co.uk/elite _sports training weekend and calling has now begun. We wish the students luck ! [email protected] 22 10 04 puzzlessport 35 Spot The Ball Competiton This weeks Picture comes courtesy of the University’s Cricket Club.

We have another Adidas gift set to give away to the fi rst correct entant pulled out of a hat.

All you have to do is quite simply circle the area of the picture that you think the ball is in and drop it in to the Media Centre by Monday 1st November. If you want to be really clever you could use the Online ver- sion and draw a circle round the ball and email it to [email protected]

Congratulation to last week’s winner Mr Lowell Lewis who correctly identifi ed the position of the ball. UniSPORT Update It’s not too late…. us on Tuesday 9th November. Members get free entry. Have you bought your Gold Sports Card yet? Well For further details contact the Varsity Centre on ext. it’s not too late. The membership lasts for one year 9242. from date of purchase so if you want to save yourself money and take advantage of the cards benefi ts Class Profi les then buy yours now. Don’t worry if you are going on Tap placement either as you can freeze the membership Tap like a dog! You’ve heard of Tap Dogs well now for the duration you are away. Remember the card here’s your chance to test how coordinated your feet only costs £70 and enables the holder to play a are! Campusdance run 3 tap courses for all abilities number of sports including basketball, badminton and after 10 weeks you’ll be the new Sammy Davis and climbing, have unlimited use of the fi tness club, Jr. access to club sessions, free access to fi tness, dance When: Thursday’s at 6.30pm-7.25pm (Tap I); and aerobic classes and discounts off most taught 7.30pm-8.25pm (Tap II); 8.30pm-9.25pm (Tap III) courses. Memberships can be purchased from the Where: TB6, Cost: £20, Gold Card holders - £15 Sport Centre or the Varsity Centre. Also it is still not too late to join in on any of the Another FREE class classes or some courses which are not yet full. If Streetdance Aerobics is now a class! Instead of you are not sure what classes and courses there joining for 10 weeks the course has now been turned are why not pick up a brochure or visit our website into a class which means you can go free if you have www.unisport.co.uk. a Gold Sports Card. When: Saturday’s at 1 – 1.55pm UniSPORT Guildford lose season opener! Where: Studio, Cost: £2 or free to members In a tough opening match against group favourites, UniSPORT Guildford lost their fi rst match of the What do you do at weekends? new national squash league season 4 – 1 away to Did you know UniSPORT run a number of classes Chichester. However, UniSPORT Guildford still has at the weekend? In addition to streetdance aerobics a chance of making the semi-fi nals this season with there is also Saturday and Sunday aerobics as well as crucial matches against Team Solent and Oberthur Kick aerobics. All these are free with membership. Strings. This is a national event and if you want to see world class squash then why not come and support words: dan brown 36 sport [email protected] 2422 1009 0404 Men’s Rugby Off To A Flying Start

The University of Surrey Men’s rugby 1st XV began their from the forwards culminating in an overlap for the backs on 2004/2005 BUSA campaign in impressive style last the far touchline for Pete to pop over for the score. Wednesday (13th October) with a 34 – 0 away victory over Doug rounded up the scoring with a penalty late in the game Westminster. to ensure a comprehensive score line at the final whistle. Man of the match went to new flanker Scottie, who excelled On a wind and rain swept pitch near the Thames, the side in all facets of the game. All of the players, including several ran in 5 tries with new French import Sylvain grabbing a hat- freshers making their BUSA debuts, played well and deserve trick in addition to tries from last year’s captain Peter Innes a mention. and men’s rugby tackling champion Dave White (Oleg). Winger Doug Lawrence landed 3 of his conversion attempts If you are interested in joining men’s rugby - training is at as well converting a penalty in an excellent kicking display the Varsity on Sundays at 1pm and Monday evenings from under bad conditions. 6pm to 7pm. Support at all their home fixtures is greatly appreciated! Surrey dominated the game right from the kick-off, containing the home side to their own 22 for an impressive 25 minute words: simon peasley period - despite this early dominance, Surrey were unable to cross the try line due to Westminster’s hard tackling (leading to inside-centre Ben Lee obtaining a spiral break on his middle finger, meaning he’ll miss the next 2 fixtures). Surrey, however, showed their improvement from the previous season and persisted with some solid lineout and back The Life And Times of line moves. They were rewarded on the 30th minute when Sylvain finished off a flowing team move to score near the An Olympic Role Model posts. After this, the win never really looked in doubt, with Sylvain quickly scoring his second directly from the kick-off. It is always refreshing to see the hard work and The forwards were on good form with some bursting runs dedication of our sports men and women here at by second-row Ollie Blower (Angry) and No.8 Rob (Spade) surrey rewarded at any level, however when several right through the now deteriorating Westminster defensive accolades come along at once the feelings even lines. The flankers – Scottie and Oleg – both proved their better. attacking and defensive worth through some hard hits, with the latter touching down for the side’s third try just before the In his time here at Surrey we have seen Colin Roope half-time break. go from strength to strength. He has gone from The score at half-time read 19-0 after Doug narrowly missed Surrey university golf captain to the captain of the his final conversion attempt from the touchline. Much of English BUSA team as well as finishing in the last 16 the team and travelling support were in a jovial mood, but of the English amateur out of 256 along with finishing Ceri Thomas captaining his first BUSA match reminded the second in the Surrey amateur. All these efforts have team that there was still another half to be played and told not gone un-noticed with Colin not only becoming one everyone to stay focused. of the newly formed TASS but also representing this new initiative as part of the Olympic parade through The team responded with an awesome tackling display London earlier this week. when Westminster coming flying out the blocks after the break, with both backs and forwards putting in some tough hits. Surrey weathered out the period of Westminster The Talented Athletes Scholarship Scheme (TASS) pressure and then looked to attack once again, with the is a new government initiative designed to help half-back combination of Ceri Thomas and Kenny calling talented athletes who wish to progress with a formal shots. Despite Kenny’s scintillating runs into the opposition academic programme but maintain an involvement in defence, the increasingly wet ball and increasingly annoying performance sport. referee, meant more tries took a while in coming. words: david “paintbrush” glossup Persistence pays, and halfway through the second half Sylvain crossed over for his 3rd try – ensuring that he would be doing the infamous naked run. The last try came when the team showed their physical side with several bruising runs [email protected] 22 10 04 sporsportt 37 Surrey Getting Into Snowsports If you take a trip to other universities around the teams, particularly the ladies are looking impressive country, you’ll notice that snowsports clubs are indeed. If you think you’ve got what it takes come and fast becoming a force to be reckoned with. After give it a go at the fi rst KINGS dry-slope race of the experiencing the university Snowsports scene ‘up the season Saturday 23rd October. Races are open to all ante’ in the past few years, with clubs, competitions standards of skier & boarders, there’s no reason to be and events attracting thousands of students, intimidated. Besides, there’s always the bar and the sponsorship, music acts and even TV coverage, we fancy dress team! thought we’d begin bringing Surrey up to scratch and For lessons, training, race & freestyle competitions, take your club to the next level… January Trip bookings and some of the best parties After a summer of preparation, the year has got off you’ll ever have at uni visit www.surreysnowsports.c to an incredible start; 140 members (and growing), a om massively successful beginners’ day course, our fi rst of many legendary pub crawls. Not to mention places words: stavros sachinis, club president on the much anticipated January Snowsports Trip ‘05 to Val Thorens, France going like hotcakes! We recently took a keen group of members to the Daily Mail Ski Show (Discount tickets courtesy of our sponsors natives.co.uk) We went seeking bargains, alcohol and freebies but were pleased to fi nd, a Big Air exhibition with skiers & boarders throwing sick fl ips & spins off a real snow jump over a full sized skateboard ramp, an indoor dry-slope with some infl atable rings to slide about on, and the opportunity to meet Glen Plake, one of the worlds most famous skiers (see haircut in photo to see why) and the ‘father of freestyle skiing‘ It was truly a fantastic day and we managed to fi nd the alcohol in the end. Although après-ski is all part of our sport, don’t be fooled in thinking the club is all about getting drunk. We recently started the slalom race training and the Slow Start For Surrey Squash On the 13th of October, 2004, the mens 1st squash 4th game, but the Ronster was unable to conjure up team participated in their fi rst BUSA match of the enough from then on, and his opponent sneaked a season against Imperial at home. Although the win in the 5th game. Paul “Starsky” Fizzoni lost the strength of the squad has been depleted following fi rst two games heavily. After an amazing come-back graduation of the top 4 seeds last year, the to become level, when everyone thought the string determination and enthusiasm of the players has not had been saved, he lost the fi nal set by 2 points. been lost. This can be seen by the fact that every Knowing the overall score was a defeat for Surrey player took their game to 5 sets. First up was fresher did not deter Stewart at number 1. He was playing Jason Stubington, playing at number 5 seed. Against an old adversary who had beaten him in previous a better opponent Jason battled hard, but in the end years. The Imperial player was again stronger, but fatigue took over and he was not able to win on his Stewart knew he had closed the gap between them debut. Chris Reed, however, did win on his debut for a bit more. To conclude, the match ended with the 1st team and managed to be the only winner on Surrey losing to Imperial 1-4, but the team went home the day. But it was still touch and go for the number 4 knowing they had performed better than expected. seed, losing two games along the way. Next to play was postgraduate Ron Weasly. The Hogwarts magic words: james “ron” chamings was working and he exhausted his opponent in the