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GalaxyMAGAZINE v

DECEMBER, 1961 • VOL. 20 NO. 2

M-51 in Canes Venatici. This CONTENTS galaxy, as large as our own, is so distant that its light BOOK LENGTH NOVEL (First of Two Parts) takes millions of years to THE DAY AFTER DOOMSDAY 8 reach us. by Poul Anderson WAY NOVELETTES ROBERT M. GUINN WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF NIGHT 110 Publisher by Algis Budrys FREDERIK POHL AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 148 Editor OUT Managing by Margaret St. Clair WILLY LEY THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN’T QUITE 178 Science Editor by William W. Stuart

SHORT STORIES SAM RUVIDICH Art Director OH, RATS! 68 by Miriam Allen deFord GALAXY MAGAZINE Is published SATISFACTION GUARANTEED 90 bi-monthly by Galaxy Publishing Corporation. Main offices: 421 by Joy Leache Hudson Street, New York 14, N. Y. 500 per copy. Subscrip- RAINBIRD 132 tion: (6 copies) S2.50 per year in the United States, Canada, by R. A. Lafferty Mexico, South and Central LOT of things combined credible size of our galactic lens. America and U. S. Possessions. $3.50. Second-class our cover, our new ARTICLE Elsewhere — Start with a single statistic: postage paid at New York, N. Y. Poul Anderson serial and There are some THE WATERY WONDERS OF CAPTAIN NEMO 168 and Holyoke, Mass. Copyright, A 80,000,000,000 New York by Galaxy Pub- 1961, even the time of year—make us stars in our galaxy alone. by Theodore L. Thomas lishing Corporation, Robert M. Guinn, President. All rights, in- take a look at the sky. Anderson If Earths almost three billion SCIENCE FEATURE cluding translations reserved. All material submitted must be has the remarkable capacity to people owned the stars and FOR YOUR INFORMATION 79 accompanied by self-addressed stamped envelopes. The pub- think like a scientist and write divided them share-and-share- assumes no responsibility by Willy Ley lisher like for unsolicited material. All a poet. What interests him alike, each man, woman and child printed in this magazine stories he can manage to translate so as would possess nearly thirty. DEPARTMENTS are fiction, and any similarity We between characters and actual 5 to evoke interest in the reader; can see, under the best conditions, WAY OUT THERE persons is coincidental. and what interests him in GALAXY’S FIVE STAR SHELF 144 The some two or three thousand of Printed in the U. S. A. Day Alter Doomsday is the in- them with the naked eye; for FORECAST _ 194 By The Guinn Co., Inc. N. Y. Title Reg. U. S. Pat. Off.

Cover by DEMBER, illustrating THE DAY AFTER DOOMSDAY w 5 every star we can see, more than traces might easily have been vicinity of Rigel, indeed, hardly these two bright objects in the * twenty million are there but in- buried under the debris of the Ice any of the stars in our sky are same part of the sky makes it easy visible—by reason of distance, by Age. The UFOlogists haven’t visible at all to the eye. Our own to locate them. There aren’t any reason of intervening opaque much doubt that we are being sun is at best a telescopic object, bright stars anywhere near them. clouds of gas or by reason of sheer visited even now, for that mat- and even Sirius is no longer with- If you look to the south and west, numbers, so that they are lost in ter. in the capabilities of the unaided not long after dark, not very high the general brightness we call the Yet we’re easy enough to over- eye. in the sky, you’ll have no trouble Milky Way. look. Earth is, after all, only one And yet Rigel is a near neigh- picking them out. The brighter of With all those nearby com- tiny planet circling one insignifi- bor! the two is Jupiter, hugest of plan- panions (we haven’t even touched cant sun far out on one of the There’s plenty of room in our ets, monarch of more than a on the billions of billions in the gassy, pinwheel arms of the gal- galaxy for many races, no doubt dozen moons. The less bright, but other galaxies, farther away), it axy. Sol is itself an outpost. Were about it. In all that space, the still brighter than any star nearby, seems a sure bet that we have we in the dense star clusters vainest human peacock can hard- is ringed Saturn, a few degrees to neighbors in the universe. Almost around the center we might have ly imagine himself to be unique. Jupiter’s west. certainly many of these stars had visitors every second Sun- So, as Anderson says, we’re Give them a few more months have planets; we have hope that day afternoon. in all likelihood not alone. We and Saturn will have moved over at least a few of these planets may The Day After Doomsday are merely out of touch . . . into the next constellation, Capri-

harbor life . . . intelligent life, life gives us a view of what our galaxy cornus, Jupiter close behind. of something resembling our own may be like, from the point of /'''LOSER to home, by the way, Around February they will almost kind. And even a “few” might view of the races who live in it: this is a good season for seem to touch. Meanwhile the mean many thousands. countless worlds, more interested planet-watching. faster planets—Venus and Mars in their own immediate problems Of the five bright planets —will have skipped through Leo, A LL in all, the inhabited, civil- than in fruitless wanderings into Saturn is one of the more difficult Virgo, Libra and Scorpius to ized worlds in our own gal- remote skies. There isn’t any rea- to spot by accident. Hanging in catch up with the slow giants. In axy may well be numbered in the son why they should exert them- the same part of the sky for years February all four of them will be thousands or millions. selves to visit Earth, after all. on end, it doesn’t betray its in the same part of the sky. A bril-

So why, one asks at once, And even if we assume them as presence—as the faster, closer-to- liant spectacle . . . but, unfortun- haven’t any of the neighbors curious as the Polynesians or as the-sun planets do—by popping ately, not for us Earthmen to see. dropped in for a call? trade-hungry as a Marco Polo, from constellation to constella- The trouble is that a still Well, perhaps they have. The exploration between stars is a tion. It moves, all right. But it brighter object will be in the same Earth is old, and organized slow, tedious task. The distances moves slowly. point on the ecliptic—namely the record-keeping goes back only a are not merely linear. It is only For the past three and a half sun itself. It will take a spaceship few moments of its long day. some six-hundred-odd light-years years Saturn has been in the con- to see this particular four-planet

Quite a sizable settlement of from here to Rigel; but the vol- stellation Sagittarius. About a conjunction . . . Sirians or Arcturans could have ume of space a Rigellian would year ago it was joined there by So don’t wait till February. If been built on North America be- have to survey to stand an even Jupiter himself. Slowly as Jupiter you want a good look at, at least, tween glaciations, not so very chance of running into Earth rolls, he still overtakes Saturn; Jupiter and Saturn, your chance many thousand years ago. There amounts to half a billion cubic Jupiter is catching up and in an- is now. wasn’t a human eye on the conti- light-years, encompassing many other few months will pass. nent to see it, and its physical thousands of stars. From the Meanwhile the presence of THE EDITOR

6 GALAXY 7 ^"”1 K540, the 27th son of two acid. It had been continuously Orthedrin, maxiton and glutamic very ordinary white lab- irrigated with blood. One hemi- acid they were the prescription — oratory rats, surveyed his sphere had been activated far in his world! that made him king of world. excess of the other, since previ- He was no more able than any ous experiments had shown that other rat to possess articulate increased lack of symmetry be- speech, or to use his paws as tween the hemispheres produced hands. All he had was a brain superior mentality. The end-re- which, relative to its size, was sult was an enormous increase in superior to any rat’s that had brain-cells in both hemispheres. hitherto appeared on Earth. It His brain showed also a marked was enough. increase in cholinesterase over In the first week of gestation that of other rats. his embryo had been removed to SK540, in other words, was a a more suitable receptacle than super-rat. the maternal womb, and his The same processes had been brain had been stimulated with applied to all his brothers and orthedrin, maxiton and glutamic sisters. Most of them had died. DEFORO Illustrated by WOOD

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68 GALAXY OH, RATS! 69 the The few who did not, failed to companions — actually, would fashioned furniture; but it was they hadn’t taken SK540. Now show the desired results, or followers — whom he midnight solidly built and near the labora- they’ve got to find him, or do showed them in so lopsided and release to join his laboratory. Only tory where he worked as a tech- about five years’ work over again, partial a manner that it was hegira from the subser- nician, and they could live rent- without any assurance of as great necessary to destroy them. the meekest and most intelligent free until they could sell the a success. To say nothing of let- All of this, of course had been vient of the males — house and use the money to buy ting our super-rat loose on the mere preparation and experi- but not too intelligent — and amiable a real home. world.” mentation with a view to later the most desirable and “Something funny happened “What on earth could, even a developments in human subjects. of the females were invited. in the lab last night,” Philip re- super-rat do that would matter gods had not an- Once free of the cages, SK540 What SK540’s watching leading his ported, Norah struggle — to human beings, I mean?” ticipated was that they would had no difficulty in building. The with dinner on the massive “Nobody knows. Maybe that’s produce a creature mentally the troop out of the was coal-stove. “Somebody broke in what we’re going to find out.” superior, not only of his fellow- door of the laboratory window was and stole about half our experi- rats, but also, in some respects, locked, but a mental animals. And they got our f , night from the top. Rats T HAT Norah woke sud- of themselves. slightly open J pride and joy.” denly with a loud scream. He was a super-rat: but he can climb up or down. “The famous SK540?” Norah Philip a silver ribbon they got the gas lighted — was still a rat. His world of Like asked. there was no electricity in the dreams and aspirations was not flowed along the dark street, “The same. Actually, it wasn’t old house — and held her shak- human, but murine. SK540, looking exactly like all a break-in. It must have been an their head. Only one ing body in his arms. She found What would you do if you the rest, at streets inside job. The cages were open her breath at last long enough were a brilliant, moody young person in the deserted them, and but there were no signs of break- to sob: “It was a rat! A rat ran super-rat, caged in a laboratory? seems to have noticed ing and entering. We’re all under right did not understand the nature over my face!” SK540 did it. he suspicion till they find out who- “You’re dreaming, darling. It’s What human beings desired of the phenomenon. dunit.” because I told you about the was health, freedom, wealth, love, Norah looked alarmed. theft at the lab. There couldn’t and power. So did SK540. But V^OUNG Mr. and Mrs. Philip “You too? What on earth be rats in this place. It’s too to him health was taken for Vinson started housekeep- would anybody want with a lot solidly built, from the basement granted; freedom was freedom ing in what had once been a of laboratory rats? They aren’t up.” from cages, traps, cats, and dogs; mansion. It was now a rundown worth anything, are they — He finally got her to sleep wealth meant shelter from cold eyesore. financially, I mean?” again, but he lay awake for a and rain and plenty to eat; love It had belonged to Norah “Not a cent. That’s why I’m long time, listening. Nothing meant a constant supply of avail- Vinson’s great-aunt Martha, who sure one of the clean-up kids happened. able females. had left it to her in her will. The must have done it. Probably the Rats can’t talk, but they can power! It was in his long- estate was in litigation, but But wanted them for pets. They’re the Vin- communicate. About the time ing for power that he most re- executor had permitted all tame, of course, not like Norah Vinson dropped off after vealingly displayed his status as sons to settle down in the house, wild rats — though they can bite yet her frightened wakening, SK540 super-rat. though they weren’t allowed like wild rats if they want to. was confronting a culprit. The Therefore, once he had to sell it. It had no modern con- Some of the ones missing are culprit was one of the liberated learned how to open his cage, veniences, and was full of rooms treated, and some are controls. males. His beady eyes tried to he was carefully selective of the they couldn’t use and heavy old- It would just be a nuisance if gaze into the implacable ones of

70 GALAXY OH, RATS! 71 I gave up and ran right, Norah, I give in. You take SK540, but his tail twitched a pound left of that cheese, but hear. Then bedroom and slammed the the poker and I’ll take the ham- nervously and if he bared his that’s gone too.” in our on them, but they left mer, and we’ll search this house teeth it was more in terror than “Good Lord, Norah, if you’ve door outside. I heard them from cellar to attic.” in fight. They all knew that strict got that much marketing to do, guards till you drove up, then “You won’t find them,” said orders had been given not to dis- can’t you do it yourself?” squeaking them run away.” Norah bitterly. “SK540’s too turb the humans in the house “Sure, if you leave the car. I’m I heard stared at her, scared to smart. They’ll stay inside the until SK540 had all his prepara- not going to walk all that way Philip His wife lost her walls and keep quiet.” tions made. and back.” death. had “Then we’ll find the holes they A little more of that silent So of course Philip did do the mind. now, sweetheart,” he went through and rout them out.” communication, and the rat who shopping the next day. Besides, “Now, soothingly, “let’s get this They didn’t, of course. There had run over Norah’s face knew Norah had just remembered she said straight. They fired a lab boy wasn’t a sign of a rathole, or of he had only two choices —- have had a date at the hairdresser’s. They found four of our a rat. his throat slit or get out. He got. today. his home. told some They got through dinner and “What do you know?” Philip WW7HEN he got home her hair rats in He idiotic story of having ‘found’ the evening somehow. Norah put said that evening. “One of our ” was still uncurled and she with the others missing, all the food not in cans inside rats came back.” was in hysterics. One of the them, loose on the street that the old-fashioned icebox which “By itself?” many amenities great-aunt running night, but of course he stole them. took the place of a refrigerator. “Yeah. I never heard of such Martha’s house lacked was a must have sold the rest of Philip thought he was too dis- a thing. It was one of the ex- telephone; anyway, Norah He them to other kids; they’re work- turbed to be able to sleep, but perimental ones, so it was couldn’t have been coherent over ing on that now.” he did, and Norah, exhausted, smarter than most, though not one. She cast herself, shuddering Norah blew her nose and was asleep as soon as her head such an awful lot. I never heard and crying, into Philip’s arms, wiped her eyes. She had regained touched the pillow. of a rat with homing instinct and it was a long time before he her usual calm. His last doubt of his wife’s before. But when we opened up got her soothed enough for her “Philip Vinson,” she said cold- sanity vanished when, the next this morning, there he was, sitting to gasp: “Philip! They wouldn’t icebox ly, “are you accusing me of lying, morning, they found the in his cage, ready for breakfast.” let me out!” or just of being crazy? I’m door open and half the food “Speaking of breakfast, I “They? Who? What do you neither. I saw and heard those gone. thought I asked you to buy a mean?” rats. They’re here now. What’s big box of oatmeal on your way “The — the rats! The white more, I guess I know where that UnHHAT settles it!” Philip home yesterday. It’s about the rats. They- made a ring around oatmeal went, and the eggs and announced. “Come on, only thing in the way of cereal me at the front door so I couldn’t bacon too, and the cheese. I’m Norah, put your coat on. You’re I can manage on that old stove.” open it. I ran to the back and — I’m a hostage! coming with me to the lab and “I did buy it. Don’t you re- they beat me there and did the “I don’t suppose,” she added we’ll report what’s happened. member? I left it in the kitchen.” same thing. I even tried the sarcastically, “that your SK540 They’ll find those creatures if “Well, it wasn’t there this windows but it was no use. And was one of the ones they found they have to tear the house apart morning. All I know is that their teeth — they all — I guess in the boy’s home?” to do it. That boy must have you’re going to have nothing but I went to pieces. I started throw- “No, it wasn’t,” he acknowl- been telling the truth.” toast and coffee tomorrow. We ing things at them and they just edged uneasily. A nasty little icy “You couldn’t keep me away,” seem to be out of eggs, too. And dodged. I yelled for help but trickle stole down his spine. “All Norah responded. “I’ll never bacon. And I thought we had half there’s nobody near enough to OH, RATS! 73 72 GALAXY spend another minute alone in “Philip,” Norah reminded him, this house while those dreadful “if you don’t go to work, they things are in it.” know we haven’t a phone, and But of course when they got somebody will be here pretty to the front door, there they soon to find out if anything’s were, circling them, their teeth wrong.” bared. The same with the back But that wouldn’t help, Philip door and all the first floor reflected gloomily; they’d let windows. anyone in, and keep him there. “That’s SK540 all right, lead- And he thought to himself, and ing them,” Philip whispered was careful not to say it aloud: through clenched jaws. He could rats are rats. Even if they are smash them all, he supposed, in 25th generation laboratory-born. time, with what weapons he had. When the other food was gone But he worked in the laboratory. there would be human meat. He knew their value to science, He did not want to look at especially SK540’s. them any more. He took Norah’s Rats couldn’t talk, he knew, arm and turned away into their and they couldn’t understand hu- bedroom. man speech. Nevertheless, some They stayed there all day, too kind of communication might upset to think of eating, talking establish itself. SK540’s eyes and talking to no conclusion. As were too intelligent not to be- dusk came on they did not light lieve that he was getting the gist the gas. Exhausted, they lay of talk directed to him. down on the bed without un- “This is utterly ridiculous,” dressing. Philip grated. “If you won’t let After a while there was a quiet us out, how can we keep bringing scratching at the door. food into the house for you? “Don’t let them in!” Norah We’ll all starve, you and we whispered. Her teeth were chat- together.” tering. He could have sworn SK540 “I must, dear,” he whispered was considering. But he guessed back. “It isn’t ‘them,’ I’m sure of the implicit answer. Let either it — it’s just SK540 himself. I’ve one of them out, now they knew been expecting him. We’ve got the rats were there, and men to reach some kind of under- from the laboratory would come standing.” quickly and overwhelm and “With a rat?” carry off the besiegers. It was a “With a super-rat. We have no true impasse. choice.”

74 GALAXY to r Philip was right. SK540 alone 64TTE — he just wants be downstairs. He was back in a pantry. But behind it they could stood there and sidled in as the free,” she said in a few minutes. hear squeaks and rustlings. door closed solidly again behind choked whisper. “It was Kelly, all right,” he SK540 scratched delicately at him. “You mean you’re not afraid told her. “I said you were sick almost invisible cracks. A section one communicate of him any more?” How could and I couldn’t leave you to of the wall, two by four inches, Philip think of “You said yourself he couldn’t with a rat? could phone. I said I’d be there tomor- fell out on the floor. except to pick him up, intimidate us without his army.” no way row. Now what?” “So that’s where some of the Philip thought a minute. Then place him where they were face SK540’s white whiskers oatmeal went,” Norah com- he said slowly: to face, and talk. emerged from under the pillow, mented. “Made into paste.” out- “I wonder if we had the right “Are your — followers and he jumped over to the table “Sh!” to do this to him in the first side?” he asked. again. Norah’s cheeks were pink. SK540 vanished through the rodent’s face can have no place. He would have been an A ‘When it came to the point, I hole. They waited, listening to Philip caught a ordinary laboratory rat, mindless expression, but just couldn’t,” she explained incomprehensible sounds. Out- glance of contempt in the beady and contented; we’ve made him shamefacedly. “I suddenly real- side it had grown dark. into neurotic alien in his eyes. The slaves were doubtless a ized that he’s a person. I couldn’t

bedded down in their hideaway, world.” f , let him be taken back to prison.” T HEN the leader emerged and with strict orders to stay there “You’re not responsible, dar- “Aren’t you frightened any stood to one side of the and keep quiet. ling; you’re a technician, not a more?” long line that pattered through “You know,” Philip Vinson biochemist.” ‘Not of him.” She faced the the hole. The two humans stared, went on, “I could kill you, very “I share the responsibility. We super-rat squarely. “Look,” she fascinated, as the line made easily.” The words would mean all do.” said, “if we take care of you, will straight for the back door and nothing to SK540; the tone “So what? The fact remains you get rid of that gang of yours, under it. SK540 stayed where might. watched the beady that it was done, and here he is He so we can be free too?” he was. eyes; there was nothing in them — and here we are.” “That’s nonsense, Norah,” ‘Will they go back to the but intelligent attention, no The doorbell rang. Philip objected. “He can’t pos- lab?” Norah asked. flicker of fear. Philip and Norah exchanged sibly understand you.” Philip shrugged. “Or I could tie you up and glances. SK540 watched them. “Dogs and cats learn to under- “It doesn’t matter. Some of take you to the laboratory and “It’s probably Kelly, from the stand enough, and he’s smarter them may ... I feel like a let them decide whether to keep lab,” Philip said, “trying to find than any dog or cat that ever traitor.” you or kill you. We are all much out why I wasn’t there today. It’s lived.” “I don’t. I feel like one of bigger and stronger than you. just about quitting time, and he ” “But — those people who hid escaped Without your army you can’t in- lives nearest us.” The words froze on his lips. war prisoners in Europe.” timidate us.” Norah astonished him. She SK540 had jumped to the floor When the rats were all gone, There was, of course, no picked up SK540 from the bed- and run to the door. There he they turned to SK540. But with- answer. But SK540 did a start- side table where Philip had stood and looked back at them, out a glance at them he re- ling and touching thing. He placed him, and hid him under his tail twitching. entered the hiding-place. In a reached out one front paw, as if her pillow. “He wants us to follow him,” minute he returned, herding two in appeal. “Get rid of whoever it is,” she Norah murmured. white rats before him. He stood Norah caught her breath in said defensively. Philip stared for There was no sign of a hole still, obviously expectant astonishment. an instant, then walked briskly in the back wall of the disused Philip squatted on his heels.

76 GALAXY OH, RATS! 77 ”

He picked up the two refugees As if called, SK540 appeared. and looked them over. Had he been listening? Had “Both females,” he announced he understood? Neither of them briefly. “And both pregnant.” dared to voice the question aloud “Is he the father?” in his presence. “Who else? He’d see to that.” “Later,” Philip murmured. “And will they inherit his — “We must eat,” said Norah. ” his — “Let’s see what’s left in the way “His ‘super-ratism’? That’s the of food.” whole point. That’s the object of the entire experiment. They were PWERYTHING tasted flat; going to try it soon.” they weren’t very hungry The three white rats had after all. There was enough left for scarcely moved. The two over to feed the three rats. But mothers-to-be had apparently they had evidently helped them- fallen asleep. Only SK540 stood selves earlier; they left the scraps your quietly eying the humans. When untasted. they left him to find a place Neither of the humans guessed information where they could talk in private what else had vanished from the he did not follow them. pantry shelves — what, when he “It comes down to this,” Philip had heard enough, SK540 had said at the end of half an hour’s slipped away and sprinkled on fruitless discussion. ‘We prom- the remaining contents of the ice- BY WILLY LEY ised him, or as. be- box, wherever the white powder as good He DRAGONS AND HOT-AIR BALLOONS lieved us and trusted us. would not show.

if to promise did not know until it “But we keep our They HIS section owes its exis- late until both of we’re really traitors — to the was too — tence to a letter I recently human race.” them lay writhing in their last came across while sorting their floor. T on “You mean, if the offspring spasms bedroom out old papers. It came to me should inherit his brain-power, By the time the house was from China fourteen years ago broken into and their bodies they might overrun us all?” (and a date stamp shows that I found, SK540 and his two wives “Not might. Would.” answered it then.) The letter also ” “So — were far away, and safe. . . US bears the notation “check Konrad this, children, is the true “So it’s an insoluble problem, And BA Kyeser,” but because of a move by tradi- on our terms. We have to think account, handed down BALI from Washington, D. C., to New great of this as a war, and of them as tion from the days of our Jersey which took place soon of the race our enemies. What is our word Founder, how human after I never got around to that of honor to a rat?” ceased to exist and we took over . . . until now. “But to a super-rat — to the world. The letter was written by a SK540 — — MIRIAM ALLEN DEFORD FOR YOUR INFORMATION 79 78 GALAXY Russian by the name of G. Lari- was sick or when they wished to missionaries—were involved, but was quite smoky by throwing wet their dead an- kov. By way of introduction he send a message to that the idea of the hot-air bal- straw into it. found later that told me that he was a graduate of cestors. We have loon probably traveled the other In spite of all their mistakes it Chinese the Imperial Russian Artillery this custom, like all cus- way. So that the “thousand-year- worked. back School and that he fled Russia toms, is very old, dating not old” custom would perhaps date They knew—or found out for of years after the revolution and made his hundreds but thousands back to around the year 1800. the purpose—that the sphere was home in China. There he became and so well forgotten in other, the body combining largest vol- China that a civilian employee of the Chinese less remote, parts of Y reasons for passing judg- ume with smallest surface. They Ordnance Department during the even very few Chinese ever heard M ment like that were the fol- learned that smoke was not indis- Second World War. After this of it.” lowing: If, at a time when noth- pensable. And on June 5, 1783, introduction G. Larikov pro- Considering that mountainous ing in Europe took to the air but they made their first public dem- ceeded to the reason for writing Szechwan is a remote place, birds and insects, hot-air balloons onstration, with an unmanned expect his letter: where one would hardly from China had become known paper balloon about 35 feet in “During my stay in Szechwan the farmers to construct hot-air via a returning missionary, that diameter. type Province during the first half of ballons of the Montgolfier fact would have been written up One year later the first hydro- of the the recent war,” he wrote, “I lived as a pastime, the anxiety at great length. Nor would their gen balloon was built, though not of their for several years in a deep valley, guards and the surprise Chinese origin have been con- by the Montgolfiers. under- something like your canyons, superiors both become cealed in any way. Just at that How quickly the news got where our arsenal was located for standable. time Europeans were very much around is shown by the fact that protection against Japanese But the fact is that the farmers interested in things Chinese. On on December 27, 1783, Johann bombers. Soon after our arrival did. And that raises the inevitable the other hand, the Montgolfiers’ Wolfgang von Goethe wrote to a learned it in that valley the guards started question of how they hot-air paper balloons did cause friend about the attempts of the the cus- to send reports that from time and from whom. (That an enormous stir and everything Court Apothecary Buchholz in years old” is to time mysterious lights ap- tom is “thousands of connected with them was written Weimar “to master the art of safely be peared floating far above our a statement that can down by somebody. Because of Montgolfier.” One on still see the in arsenal. Our men were greatly disregarded. The Chinese were that we know precisely how the smile on his face when reading alarmed and immediately decided the habit of claiming every one of invention came about. his description. “Buchholz tor- institutions to be thousands that it was some kind of Japanese their The brothers Montgolfier tures the air but without success. correspondent deviltry. I tried to reassure them of years old.) My (Jacques Etien and Joseph) be- The spheres refuse to rise. One of that ques- that those lights, after all, did not did not try to answer gan by wondering what kept the them hastily rose to the ceiling, cause us any harm. But they also tion, but said that possibly “in clouds up. And they saw, of but only once.” Interestingly reported the story to the local former .years, some missionaries course, that smoke from a chim- Goethe continued that he “had Chinese police and insisted on a brought the idea of hot-air bal- ney rose and formed “clouds,” too. resolved to progress slowly, and Europe, thorough investigation. At long loons from China to Was smoke powerful enough to hope to be the first to chase an it adapted by the last it was found that the farmers where was carry something up with it? Well, enormous paper ball into the air.” their who lived in the mountains brothers Montgolfier for sometimes you could see a half- History does not know any- around our valley had the custom flying experiments.” burned piece of paper rising. So thing about a hot-air balloon at the of sending into the night air paper I probably answered they first built a kind of inverted built and launched by Goethe. mission- balloons with small oil lamps at- time that I felt sure that paper bag to catch the smoke, Either somebody succeeded be- tached to them when somebody aries—more specifically French and they saw to it that the fire fore him in his area, or else he

80 GALAXY FOR YOUR INFORMATION 81 simply too busy to bother. not have a job. While waiting for 1405. Several manu- the Bellifortis (it was of August, never was What is even more interesting one to come along he went to the scripts are known. The one from printed), came to the conclusion is a sketch for an article (dated University library, asking the which this picture of the dragon that these dragon standards had April 11, 1821) which he in- librarian for books on the history standard is copied is considered been early hot-air balloons. Pos- these original. tended to write but never did. Its of inventions. Finding books to be the It is not, the sibly—no, very likely—the arti- theme was that he was very lucky most inadequate he resolved to bibliographical experts believe, in sans who made them knew noth- to have lived through the second write better books himself. And Konrad’s handwriting; but it is ing about the lifting capacity of half of the 18th century and to did.) called “the original” because it hot air, Feldhaus said, but as soon have seen how such a large num- But Feldhaus (I don’t know was written down under Konrad’s as they started using these de- ber of inventions and discoveries just what kind of engineering was supervision. vices during the night and had to was made. He then listed the dis- his specialty) had one weak spot: Of course, the Latin text calls put lamps into them to make coveries and inventions. After the aviation in any form or shape. In the standard draco volans (flying them visible they must have word “Balloons” he wrote, “How a book which he wrote in 1907 he dragon) and tells that the head noticed that the dragon standards close I was to making this discov- still maintained stoutly that air- is made of parchment, the body no longer needed to be lifted but ery. Some misgivings that I didn’t planes were a very unlikely in- of linen and the tail of silk, each had to be tethered instead ... as do it myself. But consoled myself vention. If they could be built at of a different color. The purpose can clearly be seen in the picture. soon.” Nobody knows just what all they would have no practical of the gay monster was twofold. When I read this for the first he meant by these words. Pos- value as a means of transporta- It was to signal to your allies time I thought “how interesting.” sibly, as a young man, he had also tion but would be the aerial where you were, and it also was It did not occur to me to make a watched smoke rising and had equivalent of a racing yacht. Heli- to frighten the enemy (who, like calculation. wondered whether it might carry copters, the same book says, were enemies at any place and any But if you do, you realize very something. a senseless project. And as late as time, was supposed to be not only quickly that a little calculating is 1929 space travel was just a fan- evil but also somewhat stupid). what Feldhaus should have done IVTOW for my long delayed re- tastic dream to F. M. Feldhaus. At night a lamp was to illuminate

' solve to “check Konrad Kye- Well it was Feldhaus who it from within. Konrad Kyeser ser.” pointed his finger at a device wrote that this lamp should have When I read Mr. Larikov’s let- which he said employed Mont- a wick soaked in Oleum benedic- ter suggesting that the Mont- golfier’s principle long before tum. The latter was his term for golfier brothers were not the ori- Montgolfier. This device was the “kerosene” and it seems as if he ginal inventors of the hot-air so-called Dragon Standard (see wasn’t too sure just what that balloon. I remembered that some- figure), which must have existed was. body else had said the same thing. around the year 1400. No such This somebody else had been a dragon standard has been pre- TT'ONRAD KYESER also Swiss engineer by the name of served anywhere, for reasons added that one could use a Franz Marie Feldhaus, who later which will become apparent very rocket for illumination and said became famous as a historian of soon. that this rocket should be put in technology. (When I met him We know about them through the dragon’s tail. about thirty years ago he told me a book called Bellitortis, written Feldhaus, after examining the how this had come about. In prin- by Konrad Kyeser von Eichstaedt picture and a few similar ones ciple it was quite simple. He did and finished during the last week from later hand-written copies of Dragon Standard of 1400 A.D.

82 GALAXY FOR YOUR INFORMATION 83 before he proclaimed the dragon formed during the latter part of It did not have wings. It had standards to be the forerunners the Triassic period. The area then what is best called a parachute; of the hot-air balloon. Unlike the was a large freshwater lake, well and for very good reasons there is sphere, this dragon shape has populated with small coelacanth neither a classical Greek nor a litle volume and lots of surface. fishes. Among more or less well classical Latin word for para- And because of its shape it cannot preserved coelacanth fossils three chute. be a simple cloth bag, it needs young men in the upper teens, The fact that it did not have reinforcements in various places. Alfred Siefker, Joe Geiler and wings is the big surprise. A winged Preliminary Reconstruction of the In short, the amount of buoyancy Mike Bandrowski, found a fossil reptile from the late Triassic North Bergen Fossil. which hot air could produce 71/2 inch lizard-like reptile, which period would have been a novelty would be far less than the weight they later handed over to Dr. but it would have been quite logi- of the standard. Edwin H. Colbert, head of the cal. The two periods which fol-

What it really is is a so-called Department of Vertebrate Pale- lowed after the Triassic were the fish kite. ontology of the American Muse- Jurassic and the Cretaceous peri- But if it were a kite shouldn’t um of Natural History. ods, and we know winged reptiles it be shown trailing the rider? It turned out to be the earliest from both of htem. In fact, we Yes, it should be. The reason why known “flying reptile.” Since the know two types, a short-tailed it doesn’t is probably that the scientific description isn’t out yet version, the pterodactyls, and a artist wanted a nice composition I don’t know what its name will long-tailed version, Rhampho- on the manuscript page. It is also be. Following normal scientific rhynchus—the latter known so possible that the artist had never usage the name could be Pam- far only from the upper (which seen one of these kite standards protopteryx, but there are a few means more recent) Jurassic of demonstrated. And it is just as drawbacks to that name, aside Bavaria. The short-tailed ptero- dactyls are known to have lived possible that the artist was just The North Bergen Fossil from the layman’s customary careless. Paintings of sailing ships (Courtesy: American Museum of complaint that it would be hard from the very early part of the with the sails billowing one way Natural History.) to pronounce. In the first place, Jurassic period until the end of and the flags streaming the other naming a new genus is the privi- the Cretaceous period, when they are no rarity. sil, and I should wait until the lege of the discoverer or of the became extinct. If one of these kite standards formal scientific description has man who produces the first scien- had been preserved we could see been published before I write tific description. In the second with our own eyes that it was a about it. But the case is not only place the name is slightly wrong. kite and not a hot-air balloon. But unique but so surprising in many The Greek root words would none has been preserved, I sus- respects that I prefer telling an mean “first of all to fly” but the pect because of the wick soaked incomplete story to waiting. root word for the last part of the in Oleum benedictum. They prob- The fossil in question is from name pteron means “wing” or ably all burned up in action. the black shale of an abandoned “fin” and can be stretched to quarry in North Bergen in New mean “paddle.” At any event, it THE ORIGIN OF FLIGHT Jersey. That black shale is rather implies something active. But the reliably dated as being 175 mil- reptile from North Bergen did not Flying Reptile Pterodactylus This is going to be about a fos- lion years old, which means it was fly actively. from the Jurassic of Bavaria

84 GALAXY FOR YOUR INFORMATION 85 — —

Since even the earliest Jurassic fossil shows the same arrange- call the fourth finger and I wish I could tell now pterosaurs (to use the all-inclu- ment, but with fourteen rib exten- mists what women refer to as the “ring forms led to the living Draco sive term for the extinct winged sions. Its “parachute” is larger which bat’s wing, to get rid volans but this is, unfortunately, reptiles) are rather definite types, than that of Draco volans; the rib finger.” (The possible misunderstanding, is not known. The living form de- it is obvious that there must have extensions are five inches long on 0f a by all four fingers, with cidedly belongs to the lizards been earlier forms. These earlier either side. The living Draco vol- stretched forming a free hook.) which did not become important forerunners of the Jurassic types ans has been observed to cover the thumb the ancestry of the ptero- until fairly recent geological are to be sought in Triassic rocks. distances up to twenty yards. One As for saurs, we know that they sprang times, namely the Tertiary. But They couldn’t be anywhere else. observer swore that it can avoid a group of usually fairly Draco volans is now an isolated Hence the discovery of early Tri- obstacles while gliding. When it from small reptiles, probably largely form. It has no near living rela- assic pterosaurs, though it hasn’t reaches the tree trunk where it tree-dwelling, which bear the tives and no fossil ancestors are happened yet, is something to be wants to land it lowers its tail of Pseudosuchia. known. expected. held stretched out while gliding scientific name There is not much sense in trans- But the fossil I misnamed and seems to throw its head back, Pamprotopteryx above resembles obviously getting the “parachute” lating a label like this, but one THE BIGGEST GUNS refer to them as the pseudo- in construction something which surface into a braking position. might crocodiles. I did not get many good ques- has been in the books, as a living As a glider, the performance of During the period preceding tions this month, but one which reptile, for around 200 years. It the North Bergen reptile must the Triassic, namely the Permian, came from a reader in Salt Lake is a tree lizard from Java and ad- have been at least as good as that had come from an older City will probably use what jacent islands with an overall of the living Draco volans. they up of reptiles which had split space I have left. length of about 8 inches, of which As the pictures show, there can group into two groups. The pseudosu- The gentleman made a trip to the slender tail accounts for 5 be no direct connection between chians are one of these two. The Russia last year and, like all tour- inches. Carolus Linnaeus named the Triassic parachute reptile other group is labelled parasu- ists who come to Moscow, he was it Draco volans (I can’t seem to from North Bergen and the ptero- chians and there isn’t to be taken to Red Square and shown get away from “flying dragons” saurs of the Jurassic. The latter much told about them. But the pseudo- the “Czar Pushka.” pushka is in this column!) and zoological had developed a real wing, a skin ( suchians had gone on to glory. just the Russian word for “can- handbooks state that there are stretched by one enormously From them sprang the pterosaurs, non.”) During the return trip an- about 35 different species of elongated finger—the one anato- the dinosaurs, the crocodilians other passenger told him that one them. Nobody is too specific and even the birds. of the Sultans had an even bigger about the number of species. It would be most interesting if cannon built. The question is, Some of them may be mistakes it turns out that the North Bergen simply, about the dimensions because the coloration of the in- of fossil is a pseudosuchian too. If so, the Czar Pushka and whether cidentally very beautiful “flying this group would have invented there have been bigger guns. dragon” varies considerably from flying three times, once in a glid- The dimensions of the highly one specimen to the next. ing form constructed like the liv- ornamented bronze pushka are: Now Draco volans has a “para- ing Draco volans (as far as the length of barrel 22.2 feet, caliber chute” spread on each side of its gliding mechanism is concerned), 45 V4 inches, weight of barrel body by a number of “false ribs” once in the shape of the ptero- 4310 pounds. Apparently the —six of them, in the most com- One of the Species of saurs and finally in the form of piece was considered more a work mon species. The North Bergen “flying dragon”. the birds. of art from the outset, for it was 86 GALAXY FOR YOUR INFORMATION 87 but never left miles. The shell was calibers literally never fired (Voltaire carriage of thirty wagons was Crimean war 4V£ long, weighed 7.8 (short) tons made a crack about it, saying that linked together and drawn along England. and required a propelling charge the two outstanding items of the by a team of sixty oxen. Two hun- Two large guns which really both are one of 4400 lbs. It could fire three Kremlin are a bell which was dred men on both sides were sta- saw action German, times per hour. never rung and a cannon which tioned to poise and support the for each of the two World Wars. of the first To build the firing position for was never fired) and has been on rolling weight; two hundred and The “big gun” World the “Paris also Dora took 4000 men and five public display since the year it fifty workmen marched before to War was Gun”— the press) weeks. Firing the gun required was cast, which was 1586. smooth the way and repair the called (by German only 500 men. The other big gun which was bridges; and near two months “Kaiser Wilhelm Gun” and mis- “Big Dora pulverized the fortifica- mentioned by the fellow passen- were employed in a laborious called (by the French press) tions of Sevastopol and was then ger of my reader was probably journey of one hundred and fifty Bertha.” brought to Leningrad (needing the Mohammed II, built for that miles.” Its caliber, as the official desig- states, millimeters three trains just for the gun), but Sultan by a man called “Urban It is likely that the gun did go nation was 222 inches.) length of did not see action again. By then the Hungarian” in about 1460. It into action, but it cannot be (8.74 The the the German High Command had weighed about 2100 pounds and proved. The contemporary writ- barrel was 110 feet; the shell the come to the conclusion that Dora its bore was 31 inches. The barrel ers were careless or ill-informed. weighed 260 pounds; range was too big. Two other guns of the was 21.5 feet long. They confused several big guns was 80 miles. The gun itself same type that had been built It was in every dimension a bit used at the time, and even Mr. weighed 154 tons and the cradle were not even sent to the front smaller than the Russian piece, Gibbon did not succeed in disen- 26 tons. The barrel stood only about 60 rounds. Using a total lines. —WILLY LEY but, to make up for it, it was fired. tangling their chaotic accounts. up NUMBERS OF PRINT tells in Chap- of six barrels, the gun fired a total BACK • OUT As Gibbon the story The next big gun was British. BOOKS of 367 rounds, all into Paris. ter LXVTII of his Decline and It was a siege mortar designed by Complete Sets for Sale For the second World the Fall of the Roman Empire: “The a Mr. Robert Mallet. The bore War Amazing Quarterly: 1928-1934; 23 Germans rebuilt one of these issues in all including the only an- stone bullet weighed about six of these mortars (two were built) nual; condition good to very good: hundred pounds. vacant place guns, and in 1941 it was assigned $50.00 A was 36 inches. The barrel length Amazing Monthly: April 1926 (Vol. to Battery 701. But even official before the new palace was chosen was eighty inches above a 48.5 1 No. 1) to April 1934 complete; German sources do not know very good to fine except 1st issue: for the first experiment; but, to inch long conical powder cham- $200.00 whether it was used. German Science Wonder, Wonder, Thrilling prevent the sudden and mischiev- ber, with an average diameter of A Wonder: June (Vol. gunnery expert who tried to find 1929 1 No. 1) ous effects of astonishment and 16 inches. The projectiles were to March 1934 complete, very good out received the answer, “Since to fine: $85.00 fear, a proclamation was issued cast iron balls 35.6 inches in dia- Same, through to April 1941 : $145.00 the Army had the piece they that the cannon would be dis- meter which came in three Quarterlies for same, 14 issues 1929- 1933, very good to fine: $25.00 probably fired it. But there are no charged the ensuing day. The ex- weights: 2365, 2550 and 2990 Astounding: 292 issues, March 1934 records.” through December 1958, condition plosion was felt or cir- heard in a pounds. They had room for a good: But the “big gun” of the Second $250.00 cuit of a hundred furlongs. The bursting charge weighing 480 Galaxy: Complete from Vol. 1 No. 1 World War was the one called October 1950 through 1960: $50.00 ball, by the force of the gunpow- pounds. All orders promptly shipped F.O.B. “Dora.” Its caliber was 800 milli- der, was driven above a mile; and One of the two mortars was Brooklyn. Many other fine items. Send list. meters (31.5 inches.) The length your want on the spot where it fell it buried never test-fired. The other fired a J'YS CORNER of the barrel was 106.6 feet, the Specialist in Stf itself a fathom in deep the number of rounds during the fall for a Quarter Century weight 1485 tons (short tons of ground. For the conveyance of and winter of 1857. The two mor- 6401 24th Avenue Brooklyn 4, 2000 lbs. each) and the range 29 New York this destructive engine, a frame or tars were meant to be used in the

88 GALAXY FOR YOUR INFORMATION 89 Interstellar trouble-shooting Illustrated by By JOY LEACHE GAUGHAN

is the easiest work there is.

All you need is brains, energy

— and a steno with nice legs!

NDREW Stephens was Andy Stephens stared at the A laudable desire, Andy fice Co-ordinator told him. “A trying to think of two farthest corner of his office (about thought, but strictly a political stenographer will meet you on the A things at once, and it four feet from his nose) and matter, having nothing to do with ship.” wasn’t working out. An inspira- sighed. He didn’t have a slogan Planetary Promotions, or Andrew “Thank you, Miss Ellis,” Andy tional message (delivered by in his body, let alone on (or off) Stephens. said meekly. He stuffed the dope Crumbly, president of Planetary the top of his head. However, it also seemed that sheet into his jacket and left the Promotions, Inc.) was mixing it- His assignment was an easy a planet had to demonstrate that Main Office for Felix II. self up in his mind with the one, Crumbly had assured him. it would be contributing some- probable difficulties of his first Planetary Promotions always thing to the Federation before it ii'E’XCUSE me,” said a femi- company assignment. started new men off with easy was allowed to join. In other nine voice. “Are you with He hoped he was thinking, and ones. Only fair. words, Andy thought, you have Planetary Promotions?” not worrying. Crumbly said worry Andy squared his narrowish to have something they want, or Andy looked up. A sandy- was fatal in the promotion shoulders in as close an imitation they won’t let you in. haired girl with a passable figure business. It was fervor, not fret, of Crumbly’s desk-side manner as A buzzer squawked out of the and nice legs was looking down Crumbly said, that had made he could, and picked up the dope dun-colored box on his desk. at him. “Yes,” he said. “I’m Andy Planetary Promotions, Inc., what sheet. Andy jumped, and flipped the Stephens.” it was today. And it was work, It seemed there was a planet, lever. The girl looked relieved. “I’m not worry, that would make it Felix II, somewhere near the “The bus to the port will be Edith Featherpenny from the what it was destined to be to- edge of nowhere. It wanted to at the door in seven minutes,” steno pool,” she said. “I was afraid morrow. join the Galactic Federation. the grim voice of the Lower Of- I wouldn’t be able to find you.”

90 GALAXY SATISFACTION GUARANTEED 91 “Sit down,” Andy invited. to land on the planet except by “They have a strong taboo Miss Featherpenny giggled He moved, and Miss Feather- invitation.” against eating,” Andy explained. softly in surprise. “He looks like penny moved. Between them, “It might be isolation, I sup- “They swallow concentrates to a leprechaun,” she said. “The they unsettled a large woman eat- pose,” Andy doubted. He felt an alive, but it’s still not quite sheet didn’t say that.” ing an orange. When the juice urge to confide in Miss Feather- jjeep Recent. On Mahridge, it’s the din- “Tourist trade,” Andy breathed, had been mopped up and the penny. She did, after all, look as room, not the bathroom, that his eyes gleaming with the solu- woman apologized to, Miss if there might be something be- jng has a door with a lock on it for tion of his problem. Featherpenny squeezed in beside sides fluff in her head. privacy. Since the two-foot-tall welcom- Andy. “Look,” he said. “This is my “Is he married?” asked Miss ing committee showed no signs “Is that the information on the first assignment, on my fourth Featherpenny, who didn’t intend of moving, they started toward case?” She indicated the dope job, on my second career. I’ve got be a steno all her life. “I him. sheet crumpled under Andy’s to make good. My father is begin- t0 mean,” she added quickly, “his “My name,” Andy said in arm. ning to get impatient.” wife would get anxious about his Galactic, “is Andrew Stephens. “Yes.” Andy tried to pull it Miss Featherpenny’s eyes grew selling something like that, that I’m here from Planetary Promo- out. “Were you issued one?” He softer. “Fathers are usually more could get him put in prison, or tions.” moved his elbow and tried again. patient than their children think,” killed. How did he do it?” “I know,” the Felician mutter- The orange woman glared at she encouraged. There was a certain coolness ed ungraciously. “I came out from him. “But,” Andy added morosely, in Andy’s voice. “He took a lead town to meet you. My name is Miss Featherpenny shook her “I have a brother, a salesman from the dope peddlers. He con- Blahrog. Who’s this?” head. “Miss Ellis told me you’d with Universal Products. He verted the adolescent Mahrid- “My steno, Miss Featherpen- tell me everything I needed to keeps getting promoted, and I gians first. It’s all right to eat on ny.” know.” keep getting fired. Dad must be Mahridge now.” “Urk.” Obviously Blahrog had Andy felt obscurely flattered. conscious of the contrast.” Miss Featherpenny diplomat- never heard the term “steno” and “It doesn’t look too promising,” “Maybe,” Miss Featherpenny ized. “I don’t think that’s ethical. was interpreting it freely. “I’m he admitted. suggested, “your brother’s been Convincing people to do what in charge of our admission to the Miss Featherpenny glanced at lucky. You know, being assigned they think is wrong.” Federation. That means I’m in the dope sheet and found a ray jobs that were easier than they Andy was still suspicious. He charge of you.” He eyed Andy of hope. “The Federation only sound.” said, “Ethical or not, he got the unenthusiastically. “You haven’t requires that the Felician exports Andy glanced at her to see if promotion.” had much experience with this are nearly as valuable as their he was being humored. He kind of thing, have you?” imports,” she pointed out. decided he was not, or not much. “ 'T'HEY stood at the edge of the Andy had a wild rush of hope. ‘Nearly’ is a nice vague, maneu- “I’ve tried to believe that,” he only launching pad on Felix If the Felician government re- verable word.” admitted. “Unfortunately, Lloyd II, and surveyed the landscape. jected him as a representative, “But,” said Andy, “if the Feli- keeps proving me wrong. He got Thirty feet away, there was a he could go home without a fail- cians can’t think of anything to his last promotion for selling bamsized stone building with a ure on his record, and pray for a sell, how do they expect me to?” fancy food products to the Mah- weedy roof. Aside from some simpler assignment. Even P. P. “Maybe they’re too isolated to ridgians.” rounded blue hills in the distance, didn’t consider an agent respon- know what’s in demand,” Miss Miss Featherpenny had ob- and a Felician leaning against sible for the unpredictable whims Featherpenny comforted him. viously never even heard of Mah- the building, there was not much of aliens. “It says they won’t authorize ships ridge. to detain the eye. “No, I haven’t,” he replied 92 GALAXY SATISFACTION GUARANT E E D 93 was translating, “we cannot ing with men had not extended cheerfully. “I was hoping maybe Andy choke. “Tastes rog of a single product which to Felician males. Blahrog fright- you had.” like cider,” he gasped. think e could sell. Have you any im- ened her with a feeling of supe- Miss Featherpenny, who hadn’t Blahrog downed his without a w mediate suggestions?” rior and incomprehensible intel- read the contract, gasped. wink. “It’s customary to give a Blahrog’s expression indicated ligence. Blahrog, who had read the con- guest a mug of Throatduster as a that he ought to say something, Hrom, although seventeen tract, replied, “I haven’t. Let’s sign of gratitude because he hut Andy couldn’t think of a inches tall and weighing perhaps get on into town where we can walked so far in the dust.” thing, except that he didn’t need eleven pounds, was definitely discuss the possibilities in com- “In this dust,” Miss Feather any more Throatduster. “No,” he feminine and comprehensible. fort.” penny murmured to her second said firmly, if faintly. “Thank you “Why don’t women drink They set out, walking un- glass of water, “any distance is very much, but no.” He passed Throatduster?” Miss Feather- equally through the thick white far.” out cold. penny asked, on the strength of dust that passed for paving on “Thoughtful custom,” Andy “I’m afraid the journey was a two-hour acquaintance. Felix II. said quickly. “Could you export too much for him,” Miss Feather- “The men grow the grain here,” “Don’t you use ground cars?” the beverage?” penny put in. Hrom explained, “and it’s theirs Miss Featherpenny choked at the “Sell Throatduster?” Blahrog “Ah, yes,” Blahrog translated as long as it’s in the fields. How- end of the first half-mile. was indignant. “It would be a for the Everking. “Throatduster ever, we consider harvesting “Don’t have technology,” Blah- breach of hospitality. Besides, has that effect on some life forms. women’s work. We also make the rog growled, stumping grimly Felix II can’t produce enough Perhaps he had better retire, and Throatduster. Then we sell it to along. “The Everking has a car, second-rate stuff, let alone first- discuss the situation more fully the men. We don’t drink because but he doesn’t use it much. No rate. Sometimes, in a bad year, tomorrow.” it is uneconomical.” fuel.” we have to greet guests with The Everking motioned to a “Does everyone grow his own As he walked, Andy composed water.” pair of stout-looking guards grain?” a speech on the merits of the “What a pity,” said Miss Fea- (thirty inches tall, at least). They “Not any more. Town women tourist business, to be delivered therpenny. towed Miss Featherpenny’s im- have other sources of dress to the Everking. mediate superior out of the royal money. The custom started that Miss Featherpenny grew visi- CHE became increasingly un- presence. way, that’s all.” bly more depressed with each ^ sympathetic as Andy swal- “They will show him to his “If you’ll forgive my saying so,” mile. She uttered an involuntary lowed another Throatduster at room,” Blahrog explained. Miss Featherpenny remarked, cry when the guard of the city the door of the Palace (a one- The Everking let loose a quick “that dress you are wearing must gate appeared with a slender story building similar to a small stream of Felician. have taken a big chunk out of mug in each hand. barn), and yet another in the “Would you,” Blahrog ad- your pocket.” “Felician ladies don’t drink,” presence of the Everking (an dressed Miss Featherpenny, “en- Hrom sighed. “In my mother’s Blahrog said gruffly. eighteen-inch Felician with a joy meeting my daughter? The time, I would have thought “I can fetch you a glass of beard-warmed paunch). Everking suggests it, since our nothing of it. Now, one such water,” the guard offered, without Andy watched the Everking affairs could hardly be of interest gown is all I can afford.” enthusiasm. dim and blur on his wooden to you.” “I would have thought your “Thank you,” said Miss Fea- throne. Swaying slightly, he “I’d be very pleased.” The father was one of the wealthier therpenny, with an attempt at {fluttered, “I wonder what proof words were not empty ones. Edith men on Felix II,” Miss Feather- sincerity. this stuff is?” Featherpenny’s education in cop- penny remarked. The contents of his mug made “In short, Mr. Stephens,” Blah-

SATISFACTION GUARANTEED 95 94 GALAXY “He is the wealthiest,” Hrom rationalized, when the wealthiest' said. “The richest man is always girl on the planet has only one ' Minister of Finance. It’s only dress. This is probably their last reasonable.” Her tone changed. chance. “We’re all poor now, since the Andy tried to conceal his head- tourist industry failed. It took ache by being brisk and efficient every dnot we had to pay for the “Have you considered your contract.” natural resources?” Invisible antennae shot from Blahrog, slow and shrewdly Miss Featherpenny’s forehead. inefficient, said, “We mine soft “You must be quite sure that coal. Enough for our own fires and Planetary Promotions won’t fail to spare.” you.” She tried her best to sound “No one within a hundred casual. light-years of Felix II uses coal Hrom smiled faintly. “Have for fuel anymore,” Andy said another of these seed cakes,” she gently. “Do you have enough for said. the plastic industries?” “Thank you. They are deli- “We have four freighters sur- cious.” Miss Featherpenny took plus every season.” Blahrog was one, regardless of calories. “Of evidently banking heavily on the

course, there is the guarantee coal. clause: ‘Double your money Andy wondered if coal were ” back.’ the only surplus on Felix II. Hrom busily fluffed a cushion. “What are you doing with your “One must have some insurance,” surplus at present?” he inquired she said, having her turn at tactfully, hoping that Elahrog sounding casual. “Tell me, are would realize, without being told, they wearing large or small hats the impossibility of supporting on Earth this season?” the population of Felix II on four Miss Featherpenny conceded freighters of soft coal. defeat. “It’s all bonnets for sum- “We store it up,” was the mer,” she said. crafty answer, “and sell it to the synthetics plants on Darius IV TTER first impulse was to tell when the Ionian miners go on Andy that she thought the strike.” Felicians had bought the guar- “How long since the Ionians antee clause, not the contract. It struck?” If this economic event died at her first sight of the occurred regularly, the coal sur- morning-after Andy. The situa- plus could assist in meeting the tion must be pretty desperate, she Federation’s requirements.

96 GALAXY “Twenty seasons or so.” Blah- “No,” the Everking shouted, i n rog’s tone was off-handed, but his Galactic. bears,” Miss - bjed teddy Feather- “We make good shoes,” Blah- eyes slid guiltily toward Andy “We tried that during the last penny said thoughtfully. “Every- rog said hopefully. “The tourists and away again. reign,” Blahrog said. “It didn’t body loved them on sight.” used to buy lots of them.” Andy sighed. “Any other re- work.” “What happened to them?” “Hum,” Andy cogitated. “Here sources?” “You’re pretty far off the ship, Blahrog asked with interest. we have something for which a They went quickly through ping lanes, I’ll admit,” Andy said, “They became extinct.” market already exists. If we can minerals, agricultural products “but surely you could attract expand the market and the pro- and animal skins; established that enough tourists from somewhere NDY glared at her. How could .” duction facilities . . He nailed Felicians could not teleport, levi- to show a profit.” A he accomplish anything with Blahrog with a finger, in con- tate or read minds. They were “We showed a profit,” Blahrog a stupid steno butting in? She scious imitation of Crumbly. technologically uneducated, and said morosely. looked away, guilty. “How many pairs of shoes can had no industry on the factory- He translated a remark of the “It’s such a simple solution,” he Felix II produce in a single system level. Everking’s. “We made money said. “It fits your situation per- season?” “It is coal or nothing, Mr. hand over fist.” fectly.” “If the reserves were called in Stephens,” Blahrog said with “Then why did you quit?” “That’s what we thought, until to the Cobbler’s, Guild, it would finality. “Isn’t there some way to Andy was baffled. “Why did you we tried it,” Blahrog said, grin- be almost half the manpower of make the Federation believe that restrict the planet?” ning sidelong at Miss .” Feather- the planet . . Blahrog paused, our coal is superior to other coal, “Because of the way we happen penny. doing mental arithmetic. “Four and worth more?” to look.” “If you won’t try tourists,” and a half million pairs, more or “Do you, perchance, own a size- “Like leprechauns,” Miss Fea- Andy snapped at both of them, less.” He sounded as though he able proportion of Felician coal therpenny explained. “And Hrom “I don’t see exactly what you can were surprised. reserves?” looks exactly like a little Christ- do.” “That ought to do it,” Andy Blahrog nodded, guilty looking fairy.” mas “Maybe you didn’t cover every- said gleefully. again. Blahrog winced. “The tourists thing in the special abilities list,” “But where will we find that “Well, forget it. There isn’t found us amusing. We weren’t Miss Featherpenny suggested many pairs of feet?” Blahrog enough.” real to them. It became difficult softly. asked. for us to seem real to ourselves. Andy glared at her again. “All “There are eight million times 'T'HE Everking, who had been Most of generation my couldn’t right, Blahrog. Can you think of that many pairs of feet in the holding Andy’s translator up. to grow The birth rate dropped. anything you can do that most Federation,” Andy said. “Leave his ear in silence, burst into We closed the planet to keep the other species can’t?” the advertising to Planetary Pro- speech. race alive. That’s all there is to Blahrog looked at the floor and motions.” “His Foreverness it.” says,” Blahrog considered. “We can walk a long “It seems sort of poetic,” Miss remarked cannily, “that it appears “Surely,” Andy protested, “if way without getting tired,” he Featherpenny romanced. “Lepre- impossible for Felix II to join handled it .” the you differently . . offered. chauns are supposed to be cob- Federation.” “Tourists,” Blahrog translated Andy sighed, and wrote “En- blers.” “We aren’t through yet,” Andy for the Everking, “are out of the durance?” on his scratch pad. It Blahrog snorted. said quickly. “What about the question.” was scarcely saleable. “Is there Andy turned and addressed her tourist industry? If you’d allow “I remember hearing about an anything else? Anything you from the full distance between a .” visitors and advertise a little . . intelligent life form that resem- know how to make? Besides promoter third class and a girl Throatduster.” from the steno pool. “Miss Fea- 98 GALAXY SATISFACTION GUARANTEED 99 off their therpenny, I will ask for your members dusted lasts 1 gifts from a grateful and admir- Featherpenny,” I want it.” and aprons and got back into he said. “Per- opinion when 1 populace. ing haps she can Miss Featherpenny answered practice. For the first time in help you.” The reply to the message was seasons, the “Miss Featherpenny. Bah,” from her side of the gulf. “Yes, nearly thirty applica- by Crumbly signed himself. “For- Andy snorted. sir.” tions for apprenticeship were too “What good would lorn hope,” it said unsympathet- she be? Andy had always despised numerous to handle. New life Dumb steno.” He tried to ically. “Try something else. Com- rank-pullers. turned to Blah- showed on their faces. be fair. “Nice legs, I admit. But He indicates puter ad intensity of no brains.” rog. “I’ll have to send the dope The Master Cobblers (includ- 0.94.” to the Home Office so they ing the Everking and Blahrog) “I’ll go get Miss Featherpenny,” back An ad intensity of 0.0001 Blahrog repeated can put it through the computer worked around the clock, fab- firmly, closing you sell means someone some- the door behind and send me the ad-intensity ricating plastic lasts. Miss Fea- him . . . thing he wants anyway. An in- index.” therpenny and Hrom dug pic- “What frame of mind is he in?” tensity of 1.0 means you have to polite en- and descriptions of the Miss Featherpenny looked un- Blahrog looked a tures the make consumer love some- certainly quiry. various types of Galactic feet that at the heavy door to thing he thinks he hates. Andy’s store “That will tell us how effective habitually or occasionally wore room. “Drunk,” will have to be shoes out of old periodicals, lo- Blahrog informed her the ad campaign A sent NDY a young Felician on coldly. to make a go of this. What’s the cated by members of the newly- ‘•-the run for Blahrog, and re- It takes an fastest way to send a message to organized ladies’ auxiliary. enormous quantity tired to the storeroom of Blah- of Throatduster Earth?” Felix II was humming, if not to intoxicate a rog’s dwelling, which housed two Felician. “Radiogram the satellite sta- absolutely singing, with industry Intoxication is therefore fair-sized plastic barrels of considered bad answered. “They’ll and good humor. Some of it form. tion,” Blahrog Throatduster. “And belligerent,” the relay it to the next ship within rubbed off on Andy. He relented Minister “But you have to try,” Blahrog of Finance range, and the ship will relay it to toward Miss Featherpenny to the added. insisted, finishing his second mug “Oh, dear.” the next planet it nears with the extent of presenting her with a Miss Featherpenny of hospitality. looked at radiogram facilities to send it to pair of Felician shoes, fabricated the door again. “But “Snow good,” Andy said, deep what can I Earth.” by the Everking. They were of do?” she asked in a into his fifth. “Even Gray Flan- helpless voice. “I’m “How long will it take to get the sensible walking variety, and not a pro- nel, ad man in legend, only got moter.” an answer?” Andy asked. not Miss Featherpenny’s style. to 0.87. Simpossible.” Nevertheless, she was extremely “He said,” Blahrog indicated “About twelve days.” Blahrog, who knew little about the door, pleased with the gift. Like all “that you were a dumb advertising or computers, re- steno.” r stare at the sky Felician shoes, they fit her per- ''HEY didn’t peated, | “You must try. No mem- “Well!” the fectly. Hrom exclaimed. while they waited for ber of the Cobbler’s Guild has Miss Featherpenny’s answer. The Everking, backed by his hackles ever quit without trying.” Debators and ministers, issued invisibly rose. Her mouth visibly Blahrog called the members of Andy had been accepted as an tightened. She turned the Cobbler’s Guild together, and public thanks to one Andrew away from apprentice of the Guild the night restorer of hope, and the door. delivered a series of lectures on Stephens, before. Hrom said, “You their importance to the future of propagator of economic equality. ought to try “Dunno,” he said. “Tell tea you to show him.” Felix II. The ladies’ auxiliary gave a simpossible.” Miss Foreseeing a return to political in Miss Featherpenny’s honor. Featherpenny looked at Blahrog climbed off the barrel them, reserve They were both showered with and at the surrounding and economic power, the of Throatduster. “I’ll go get Miss examples of Felician landscape 100 GALAXY SATISFACTION GUAR ANTE ED 101 “Yes,” Miss Featherpenny lied, all developed severe cases of opened his eyes. “But it in her head, but not on and architecture. crazy.” He ghe had beard-itch, a Felician nervous have nice legs.” steno pad. “Mr. Blahrog,” she said sud- you do the disorder. Since it is even more “Felix II is sort of quaint,” Miss “Then get somebody to send it denly, “you don’t mind looking unseemly to scratch on Felix II Featherpenny suggested. “Why so we can find out if it’s good like a leprechaun, do you? As off than it is on Earth, they retired not use an old ad?” And come back soori.” long as you don’t have to meet enough. temporarily from public life. idea,” Andy enunciated, wobbled on his elbow. “You people?” “An jje Andy also retired from public .” hope. have . . Blahrog’s silence was more without do life, biting his fingernails, an sort of pretty too,” Miss “I think I’d better attend to than dignified. “It’s Earther nervous disorder. Blahrog nudged. it personally.” Miss “What do you mean?” Hrom Featherpenny sending Fea- joined him in the illness, which could use a color picture therpenny opened the door. “You asked. “We was new to Felicians. By the time it,” Andy said, kicking thought- rest until you feel better.” “You wouldn’t mind if we used of the answer from Planetary Pro- fully at an overturned stool. Blahrog had gone, but Hrom a picture of a Master Cobbler motions came it was the most “The Felicians are quaint look- was waiting for her. She looked in the ad, would you?” fashionable habit on the planet, more like a Christmas fairy Blahrog thawed abruptly. “You ing, too.” than in spite of the fact that Felicians Andy said. “Put a Feli- usual. A mischievous one. have an idea?” “Sure,” have extremely tough nails, and cian in the foreground, cobbling.” “Did you manage?” she whis- a pair “If you don’t mind the pic- of bony ridges rather than tried to sit up. pered. ture.” He true teeth. seen ads like that in his- “Barely.” Miss Featherpenny “He doesn’t mind,” Hrom said, “I’ve The second message was also books,” Miss Featherpenny looked grim. adding in Felician, “After all, tory direct from Crumbly. It read: exuding admiration. “Drink this,” Hrom ordered, Papa, we don’t have to let any said, “Computer rates ad campaign at “It’s so old it’s new,” Andy said, holding out a mug of Throat- ships but the freighters land.” intensity 0.942. P. P. in action again. “Old English duster. “Go ahead, then,” Blahrog con- lying down by the time you receive this. lettering over the top. A rea Miss Featherpenny was sur- sented. Stephens ordered back to Home considered Miss Fea- prised. “I thought ladies didn’t “Good luck,” Hrom added. cliche.” He Office; promoted to first class.” “Peaceful scen- drink on Felix II.” therpenny’s ankle. Four Earth months later, Miss Andy welcomed her. ery, Felician shoes?” “There are,” Hrom said, “ex- Featherpenny entered Andy’s ten quite,” said Miss Feather- ceptions.” A “Bah.” He shut his eyes. “Not by twelve office, her high heels penny. Most of him was sprawled out on clicking on the plastic tiles, and “Quiet field, Felician shoes?” fT^HE next twelve days of wait- laid a the floor. memorandum on the new “Nope,” said Miss Feather- ing for computer results were “Yes, me,” Miss Featherpenny steel desk. penny. not as hopefully active as the agreed, repressing an inclination “They’ve been admitted,” she “You’re an aggravating wom- first twelve. The Felicians finished announced. to kick him. She sat down on one an,” Andy said sweetly, but you setting up their manufacturing ‘What? of the kegs, and opened her steno- Who?” Andy said ir- have nice legs.” and storing systems, but they grapher’s book. “I came to take do ritably. There were times when about Elysian fields?” didn’t start making down the ad for the shoes, she “What shoes. The he thought her position as his suggested. cattle drovers announced. Miss Featherpenny forbore to slaughter private secretary had gone to her it. “Elysian fields, the beasts who “What ad?” Andy moaned. Andy tasted provided the head. shoes.” He tried to sit up leather. “The newest, biggest, brightest Felician “Felix II has been admitted to again. “You got all that down?” The Everking and his Debaters the Federation. ads can’t get over an 0.62. How The contract has 0.94? You’re he demanded. can I manage an SATISFACTION GUARANTEED GALAX 103 102 half she been fulfilled.” She smiled In an hour and a had "Until I got that answer this Everking,” Blahrog said. “Come brightly. “Shall I mark the file the answer. The Felicians hadn’t morning.” on to the car.” closed?” changed the styles, and their shoes "It sounds like typical Felician “Car?” Miss Featherpenny ex- “Can’t yet,” Andy said. “Felix didn’t wear out. Everybody had thinking,” Andy said. “There’s no claimed. “The Everking’s?” II won’t be a permanent member a pair. sense trying to argue by mail.” “No, mine.” Blahrog couldn’t of the Federation until they’ve She considered the door again. He sighed. “You’d better reserve keep the pride out of his voice. been self-surporting for ten There was really little sense in a first-class passage for me on the “There are nearly two hundred years.” disturbing Andy over such a first ship out.” cars on Felix II.” “Why?” asked Miss Feather- simple matter. She forged his “Can’t I go?” Miss Feather- Andy went over the same penny. name on a message to Blahrog. penny asked. ground in the shoes.” presence of the “It’s a precautionary measure,” “Change the styles of your “Who’d run the office?” Everking. It didn’t help. The Andy began to explain. “Oh, let’s She then picked up some care- ‘The stenos can stack stuff Everking, his minister and his go get some lunch and forget fully selected problem sheets until we get back.” Miss Fea- Debators solidly filing cabinet, were against Felix II.” from the top of the therpenny looked wistful. “I was changing the went through the impressive shoes. The ethics of “Yes, Mr. Stephens,” Miss Fea- and the in on beginning of it. I want the Cobblers’ Guild were in- therpenny said meekly. door. to see it through. Besides, I’d like volved. He followed her out the door, The next morning, Blahrog’s to see Hrom again.” “If you won’t follow Planetary admiring the effect of her glastic answer was on her desk. “Oh, all right,” Andy agreed. Promotions’ advice,” he said “Felician shoes are of the cut at skirt. She did have nice legs . . . “Make it two first class.” last, “the company can’t be re- most suited to the feet that wear sponsible for the outcome.” He fT'HREE years later, Edith Fea- them. To change them would be QLAHROG was waiting on the glared at the assembly. “In other therpenny was forced to re- both foolish and unethical.” long porch of the space port words, the guarantee clause is a good thing, Miss Fea- member Felix II. There was a It was Andy dining room. cancelled.” communication on her mock- therpenny thought, that “Have a nice trip?” he asked. There was an indignant and desk. Felician shoes was feeling better today. She baroque “What’s all this about not concerned padding buzz from the au- weren’t selling. Felix II wasn’t went into his office, changing the shoe styles?” Andy dience. Blahrog got up. making enough money. The softly over the carpet to his con- countered. “Your Foreverness,” he said, Galactic Federation was threaten- temporary prestwood desk. “As I told you in the mes- “honorable members of “Good morning, Edie,” Andy the ing to take steps. sage,” Blahrog said happened? impatiently, government, Mr. Stephens. Three She glanced at the impressive said cheerfully. “What “We make our shoes in the best Earth years ago, Felix II gath- door 'to the inner office. Andy, Lightning strike you?” possible shapes for the feet that ered together all the money the she knew, was engaged in reading “Practically,” Miss Feather- will wear them. There isn’t any government again.” could find, and from his brother Lloyd, penny said. “It’s Felix II a letter good reason to change them.” bought a contract with sheaf of Planetary who had just been promoted to She handed over the “You can’t sell people two pairs Promotions.” He paused and vice-president of Universal Prod- papers. of identical shoes,” Andy insisted. shuffled his feet. tell about “We did not ucts. “Why didn’t you me “You might be able to sell expect the muttered, contract to be fulfilled. She judiciously forged his ini- this yesterday?” Andy them if you changed them,” Miss We needed money, and two for tials on an order to put data on reading them. Featherpenny added, sounding one would keep us going while handle it.” we the Felix II failure through the “I thought I could reasonable. attempted to educate the young computer. Miss Featherpenny made a face. “Save your arguments for the to be immune to the tourists. Of

104 GALAXY SATISFACTION GUARANTEED 105 ' . . “I’ve I was on your . Ow!” face. hardly been out of the course, if Planetary Promotions cause “Mrs. Klagom is a silly a hand hastily to her house since the baby found a way for us to be self- She clapped I was born. woman,” Blahrog disapproved. I’ll leave him with surporting without tourists, we jaw. my husband’s “She would do better to leave asked, mother and go with would be equally pleased.” “What’s wrong?” Hrom you.” him with me.” “I’d be glad of the company,” “I thought so,” Miss Feather- alarmed. “If you must, I suppose you Miss Feather- Miss Featherpenny admitted. penny murmured. “Broke a tooth,” must,” Andy admitted grudgingly. her face con- “Good. I’ll find out “Really,” Andy said. “Why penny muttered, what time “Where are you going now?” the ship leaves, and tell didn’t you let me in on it?” torted. Mother “Back to Hrom’s house to lie Hrom’s Klagom about the Blahrog cleared his throat to “Does it hurt much?” treat she’s got down.” part sympathy and coming. You go tell Mr. Stephens indicate that he wasn’t through. question was “Tell her I’ll mind the baby,” and then come back “Since a way was found,” he con- part curiosity. here for the Blahrog called after her. Featherpenny nodded. night.” tinued, “Felician self respect and Miss As she closed the door, she Miss “I’ll have to find a dentist right Featherpenny heard them content has increased along with heard Andy say, “Gentlemen, if shouting before she Felician prosperity.” He glanced away.” opened the you’ll supply the Throatduster, dentist?” council chamber door. uneasily at Andy. “We would like “What’s a I’ll give it a try.” fixes your teeth.” “I suggest,” Andy was saying, to continue as we are going.” “Man who don’t have teeth,” “that you either change “Unless you change the styles,” “But we the styles £6TT’S awfully quiet,” Hrom or go back to the tourist business.” Andy said flatly, “that is impossi- Hrom said. said doubtfully, looking forgot,” Miss Featherpenny She pushed the door open. ble.” “I around at the Felician spaceport. “Oh, Lord, I guess I’ll “Mr. Stephens,” Blahrog moaned. said “Look at the tannery chimneys. back mildly, “the ISS Featherpenny, realizing have to go all the way to last time calamity No smoke.” was upon us, you solved M that they were starting over Earth.” the Miss Featherpenny, her mouth shook her head. “There problem by drinking Throat- the same ground, slipped out the Hrom in good repair, glanced into the are a lot of Earthers living on duster until you got an idea. May door and walked over to visit bar as they passed it. “Only two IV. They must have a I suggest that you try again?” Hrom. Darius shippers,” she said. “There are dentist. There’s a ship every “Andy,” Miss Featherpenny “So Papa admitted it,” Hrom usually dozens.” morning.” whispered. said, after Miss Featherpenny “They must have stopped pro- “Fine,” Miss Featherpenny “Well?” he snapped. had admired the baby, and been duction entirely,” Hrom said. I broke a tooth. I’m over the house. “I almost gasped. going “Maybe Andy thought of shown ' some- I get you something for over to Darius IV tomorrow, with told you myself, when I first met “Can thing.” pain? Would an aspirtran Hrom, to have it fixed.” you.” the “I wonder if Papa brought the “Why Darius IV?” “You told me enough to let me help?” Andy de- car down for us.” better have two. Thanks.” manded. “What’s the matter guess the rest,” Miss Feather- “I’d with He hadn’t. They walked into “Here. Take the bottle with Felician dentists?” penny said. town. was frowning wor- “What’s Hrom going “Have some olgan seed cakes,” you.” Hrom to do with Blahrog was in conference with “My, Fm glad we don’t boy?” Blahrog demanded. Hrom offered. “Why didn’t you riedly. the Everking. have teeth.” “Hrom’s leaving the baby with tell Mr. Stephens?” “I’d better wait for him,” Miss “I’ll have to tell Andy—Mr. Mrs. Klagom,” Miss Feather- Miss Featherpenny took a Featherpenny said. “I want to that I’m leaving.” penny answered, “and cake. “Partly because of his Stephens— there find out what’s going on before dawned on Hrom’s aren’t any Felician dentists.” almighty attitude, and partly be- Inspiration I talk to Andy.” GALAXY SATISFACTION 106 GUARANTE E D 107 those “Like shoes,” Andy most of our working population “I’d better rescue Mother ment. Extremely powerful, and “ agreed. ‘Best possible shapes will be living Klagom from the baby.” quite precise.” off-planet.” already,’” he imitated Blahrog. “Maybe you could Blahrog was as long-winded as “Oh?” Andy straightened in work out a “They’re one of the smallest rotation system, Papa.” usual. the old arm chair. “I’ve been Hrom intelligent species,” Miss Feather- drinking. had sneaked into the council “Where is Mr. Stephens?” Miss trying to think. And penny said in desperation. “And chamber. demanded, as soon Throatduster isn’t working this Featherpenny manual dexterity their rating is ‘Wait a minute,” Andy said as she saw him coming down the time.” He paused to reconsider. one of the highest. Why, Feli- a uneasily. “How are you going to hall. “Except that it makes me drunk. cian could get both hands inside Blahrog Everything keeps getting fuzzy, educate these dentists?” “In his old store-room,” Earther’s mouth.” an Blahrog stopped and thought. said moodily. “He’s quite drunk, and my head is wider than my “And steal his fillings .” . . “We’ll use the hotels doesn’t seem to shoulders.” for schools,” I believe, but he started. Andy ‘Wait a minute. he said slowly. His face wrinkled be getting any ideas.” “The dentist said,” Miss Fea- You’ve given me an idea.” with therpenny persisted, “that he sly pleasure. “And we can “Then why did you stop cob- Miss Featherpenny breathed sell the coal surplus to pay teach- bling?” could pull a whale’s tooth as easily relief. “I have? What is it?” ers and shrug. and smoothly as he pulled mine.” buy equipment.” Blahrog did a Felician “Dentists! They can all be den- The Everking made a wicked- ‘We’re waiting to see what hap- “You had to have it pulled? tists.” sounding sense making Too bad.” Andy made a face at comment in Felician. pens. There’s no “All?” The entire assembly burst into shoes any more if they aren’t the full mug of Throatduster on ‘Well, enough of them to pro- loud, beard-wagging wanted.” the barrel beside him. “The Feli- laughter. It vide for the planet’s income.” had a nasty ring to it. “I have to talk to him,” Miss cians won’t change their minds ‘Why, that’s marvelous,” Miss ‘What did he say?” Andy de- Featherpenny said. about the shoes, and they won’t Featherpenny said. “It won’t manded. an idea?” try tourists again. I can’t think of “Do you have matter that other species think “He said,” Hrom giggled, “‘Let “No,” Miss Featherpenny lied. anything else. And they can claim they’re cute. Everybody takes them try to treat us like stuffed “But you’d let him drink himself the guarantee. I was bluffing.” dentists seriously.” toys now.’ ” think of “I know,” Miss Featherpenny to death, if he didn’t “Their appearance will work “Disgusting,” said Miss Fea- anything.” said. She tried again. “The dentist for them,” Andy said. “Think of species therpenny. “You want a lift in the car?” claims even the tiniest children’s dentistry.” “Indecent, Edie,” Blahrog asked, uninsulted. could do dental work on the Andy agreed. “Let’s go tell them right away,” “But never mind. Let’s go home “I’d be pleased, if you don’t biggest species.” She paused, Miss Featherpenny said, feeling and get married.” mind. I just walked in from the hoping it would sink in. “Provid- like a Bobbsey twin. “You’re ing the tiny species had sufficient a little sudden.” port.” Andy swayed upward. dexterity.” Andy grinned. “I’ll have a “Sit still,” Miss Featherpenny raise coming for this, and I’d like A NDY was not, as Blahrog had “Blasted Felicians,” Andy mut- commanded “I’ll bring you some to keep tered. “Stubborn little pigs.” you in the family. I can’t suggested, very drunk. He coffee.” seem to think unless you’re was only hung over. “Get your “That’s part of their trouble, I said. around.” tooth fixed?” he asked cheerlessly. think,” Miss Featherpenny OLAHROG accepted the sug- “Took you “Being little, I mean. But it long enough to no- “Yes.” gestion with Felician phlegm doesn’t always work against them. tice,” said Miss Featherpenny. But “Good dentist?” and ministerial greed. “We’ll have she didn’t say it out loud. Miss Featherpenny nodded. When they’re doing delicate to change the tax system, since — JOY LEACHE “He had some entirely new equip- work . .

SATISFACTION GUARAN ’ E E D 109 108 GALAXY By ALGIS BUDRYS Illustrated by DICK FRANCIS

OFT AS the voice of a mourning dove, the tele- S phone sounded at Rufus Sollenar’s desk. Sollenar himself was standing fifty paces away, his leonine head cocked, his hands flat in his hip pockets, watching the nighted world through the crystal wall that faced out over Manhattan Island. The window was so high that some of what he saw was dimmed by low cloud hovering over the rivers. Above him were stars; below him the city was traced out in light and brimming with light. A falling star — an interplanetary rocket — streaked down toward Long Island Facility like a scratch across the soot on the doors of Hell.

Sollenar’s eyes took it in, but he was watching the total scene, not any particular part of it. His eyes were shining. When he heard the telephone, he raised his left hand to his lips. “Yes?” The hand glittered with utilijem rings; the effect was that of an attempt at the sort of cop- per-binding that was once used to reinforce the ribbing of wooden warships.

His personal receptionist’s voice moved from the air near 'his desk to the air near his ear. Seated at the monitor board in

111 r

hand shrank into a cone. The con- “Please sit again. He enjoyed down,” Sollenar office, wherever in this build- Sollenar’s Tips necting door her closed. The girl dis- said. “What raised his right may I do for you?” her office was, the reception- such toys. He appeared. The ing music stopped. “At the moment, Mr. hand, sheathed in insubstantial Sollenar, ist told him: “All right. You can tell Mr. Er- I’m doing something silk in which the for you.” “Mr. Ermine says he has an midnight-blue mine to come up.” Sollenar went Sollenar sat back threads of metallic wiring in his chair. appointment.” silver to sit behind his desk. “Are you? Are you, now?” He “No.” Sollenar dropped his ran subtly toward the fingertips. frowned at Ermine. the hand, and touched “When I be- hand and returned to his pano- He raised rpHE office door chimed. Sol- came a party to the two fingers together: music began By-Laws rama. When he had been twenty l enar crooked a finger of his passed at the ’98 Dinner, managing the to play behind and before him. I years younger — left hand, and the door opened. thought anoth- a Special Public Rela- modest optical factory that had He made contact between With another gesture, he kindled tions Office would combination of finger circuits, make a valu- provided the support of three er the overhead lights near the door able asset to the organization. he and a soft, feminine laugh came generations of Sollenars — and sat in shadow as Ermine Consequently, I voted for it, and wanted to be able from the terrace at the other side had very much came in. for the room, where connecting powers it was given. But to stand in a place like this, and of the Ermine was dressed in rust- I never expected to have any men felt in doors had opened. He moved feel as he imagined colored garments. His figure was personal dealings with it. I barely toward it. One layer of translu- such circumstances. But he felt spare, and his hands were empty. remembered you people had carte unimaginable, now. cent drapery remained across the His face was round and soft, with blanche with any IAB member.” here was one thing. To doorway, billowing lightly in the To be long dark sideburns. His scalp Through “Well, of course, it’s been a have almost lost the right, and breeze from the terrace. was bald. He stood just inside while since ’98,” the taboret with its Ermine said. “I regained it at the last moment, it, he saw Sollenar’s office and said: “I imagine some legends have candle lit; the iced wine in the grown was another. Now he knew that would like some light to see you up around us. Industry gossip — stand beside it; the two fragile not only could he be here today by, Mr. Sollenar.” that sort of thing.” but that tomorrow, and tomorrow, chairs; Bess Allardyce, slender Sollenar crooked his little “Yes.” regal, waiting in one of them he could still be here. He had and finger. “But we don’t restrict our- won. His gamble had given him — all these, through the misty The overhead lights came to selves to an enforcement EmpaVid and EmpaVid would curtain, like either the beginning function, — soft light all over the office. The Mr. Sollenar. or the end of a dream. You haven’t broken give him all. crystal wall became a mirror, the with any By-Laws, to our knowledge.” city was not merely a prize “Mr. Ermine reminds you The only the strongest city lights glim- for him at “Or mine. But nobody feels set down before his eyes. It was appointment was made mering through it. “I only wanted Business Dinner of one hundred per cent secure. Not a dynamic system he had proved the Annual to see you first,” said Sollenar; under these and the the International Association of circumstances.” Nor he could manipulate. He “I thought perhaps we’d 1998.” met be- did Sollenar yet relax his face city were one. It buoyed and sus- Broadcasters, in fore.” into here Sollenar completed his latest its magnificent smile. “I’m tained him; it supported him, “No,” Ermine said, walking sure you’ve found that out.” stars above and step, then stopped. He frowned in the air, with across the office. “It’s not likely “I have a somewhat less ambi- light-thickened mist below. down at his left hand. “Is Mr. you’ve ever seen me.” He took Ermine with the IAB’s Special a tious older brother who’s with the The telephone mourned: “Mr. card case out of his pocket and Federal Bureau of firm ap- Public Relations Office?” Investigation. Ermine states he has a showed Sollenar proper identifi- When I embarked on my pointment.” “Yes,” the voice said after a own cation. “I’m not a very forward career, he pause. told me I could expect “I’ve never heard of him.” And person.” Sollenar’s right everyone in the world to react the left hand’s utilijems fell from The fingers of WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF NIGHT 113 112 GALAXY ' public places within the area from making effective defenses like a criminal, yes,” Ermine said, purchases an EV unit.” It pleased by that station, normal against patent infringement paying no attention to Sollenar’s Sollenar to spell out the nature of served TV by could not possibly com- competitors. Then all of the IAB’s involuntary blink. “It’s one of the his prize. outlets pete for advertising revenue.” membership and much of their complicating factors in a profes- “At a very reasonable price. 1 “Yes.” capital will be involved with EV. sion like my brother’s, or mine. Quite so, Mr. Sollenar. But you so your last difficulties But I’m here to advise you, Mr. had several difficulties in finding “And Much of that capital is already resolved a few days ago, anticipatory Sollenar. Only that.” potential licensees for this system, were in motion. So a your EmpaVid Unlimited highly “In what matter, Mr. Ermine?” among the networks.” when complex structure now

. pardon me; when EmpaVid, a “Well, your corporation recent- Sollenar’s lips pinched out. — ultimately depends on the integ- subsidiary of the Sollenar Corpo- rity of the Sollenar Corporation. ly came into control of the pat- Mr. Ermine raised one finger. ration — became a major stock- If Sollenar stock falls value, not ents for a new video system. I “First, there was the matter of in in the Transworld Net- understand that this in effect acquiring the patents from the holder TV just you but many IAB members makes your corporation the licen- original inventor, who was also work.” will be greatly embarrassed. sor for an extremely valuable approached by Cortwright Burr.” Which is another way of saying DON’T understand, Mr. succeed.” sales and entertainment medium. “Yes, he was,” Sollenar said in EV must Fantastically valuable.” a completely new voice. -^-Ermine,” Sollenar said. “Why “I know all that! What of it? “Competition between Mr. are you recounting this? Are you There’s no risk. I’ve had every UTj'MPAVID,” Sollenar agreed. Burr and yourself is long-stand- trying to demonstrate the power related patent on Earth checked. your knowledge? All these There will be “Various subliminal stimuli ing and intense.” of no catastrophic ob- transactions are already matters solescence of the system.” are broadcast with and keyed to “Quite intense,” Sollenar said, EV of record in the IAB confidential Ermine said: “There are en- the overt subject matter. The looking directly ahead of him at files, in accordance with the By- gineers on Mars. Martian engi- home receiving unit contains the one blank wall of the office. Laws.” neers. They’re dying feedback sensors which determine Burr’s offices were several blocks a race, but Ermine held up another finger. no one knows what they can still the viewer’s reaction to these downtown, in that direction. “You’re forgetting I’m only here do.” stimuli, and intensify some while “Well, I have no wish to enlarge to advise you. I have two things Sollenar raised his massive playing down others in order to on that point, Mr. Burr being an to say. They are: head. create complete emotional rap- IAB member in standing as good “These transactions are on file Ermine said: “Late this eve- port between the viewer and the as yours, Mr. Sollenar. There was, with the IAB because they in- ning, office learned that Cort- subject matter. EmpaVid, in other in any case, a further difficulty in my very volve a great number of IAB wright Burr has been in close con- words, is a system for orchestra- licensing EV,- due to the members, and an increasingly sultation with the Martians for ting the viewer’s emotions. The heavy cost involved in equipping large amount of capital. Also, several weeks. They have made home unit is self-contained, semi- broadcasting stations and network Transworld’s exclusivity, under sort of portable and not significantly relay equipment for this sort of some machine for him. He the IAB By-Laws, will hold good on the flight bulkier than the standard TV re- transmission.” was that landed at only until thirty-three per cent the Facility a few moments ago.” ceiver. EmpaVid is compatible “Yes, there was.” market saturation has been Sollenar’s fists with standard TV receivers — “Ultimately, however, you suc- clenched. The reached. If EV is as good as it lights crashed off and on, and the except, of course, that the subject ceeded. You pointed out, quite looks, that will be quite soon. wailed. matter seems thin and vaguely rightly, that if just one station room From the terrace After that, under the unsatisfactory on a standard re- made the change, and if just a By-Laws, came a startled cry, and a sound Transworld will be restrained of smashed glass. ceiver. So the consumer shortly few EV receivers were put into

114 GALAXY WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF NIGHT 115 much like a sheet of foil Mr. Ermine nodded, excused of static TJALE and sick, Sollenar moved lifted his head and began to by the wind from some himself and left. picked * to take the golden ball. He gather his body for the effort of heap. To all of the — A few moments later, Mr. careless trash wondered where Shakespeare rising. interested parties he Ermine stepped out at the pedes- senses of all could have seen an example such Sollenar retreated to the win- hardly there at all — and, trian level of the Sollenar Build- was as this, to know an old man could dow, the pistol sledging back- thus, in an excellent position for ing. He strolled through the land- have so much blood in him. ward against his wrist and elbow scaped garden, and across the murder. Burr held the prize out to him. as he fired the remaining shots in fluttered against Burr’s frothing brook toward the central He Staring with eyes distended by the magazine. was the man, walkway down the Avenue. He window. There hydrostatic pressure, his clothing Panting, he climbed up into the over his desk. What was paused at a hedge to pluck a crouched raddled and his torso grinding its window frame and clipped the hands — a pomander? blossom and inhale its odor. He that in his broken bones, Burr stalked away harness to his body, craning to Sollenar clipped his harness to walked away, holding it in his from the wall and moved as if look over his shoulder ... as Burr of the cornice. Swayed naked fingers. the edges to embrace Sollenar. It was queer, — shredded; leaking blood and sponge-soled out against it, his but he was not dead. worse than blood — advanced the glass, he II boots pressed to Shuddering, Sollenar fired across the office. to the win- touched his left hand again. He cast off his holds on the circle. He rifting slowly on the dow and described a Again Burr was thrown back. window frame and clumsily there was a thud on D thread of his spinneret, Rufus pushed; The ball spun from his splayed worked the drifter controls. Far carpeting in Burr’s office, and Sollenar came gliding down the the fingers as he once more marked above him, volatile ballast spilled was no barrier to Sol- wind above Cortwright Burr’s now there the wall with his body. out and dispersed in the air long lenar. Doubling his knees against building. Pomander, orange, whatever — before it touched ground. Sollenar he catapulted forward, The building, like a spider, his chest, it looked valuable. rose, sobbing — pistol in his right hand. touched the ground at only the the riot Sollenar ran after the rolling And Burr stood in the window, knees, stumbled and fell to his his points of its legs. It held its wide, He ball. And Burr moved to inter- shattered hands on the edges gun was up. low bulk spread like a parasol but the cept him, nearly faceless, hunched of the cut circle, raising his dis- jolted up behind his desk. over several downtown blocks. Burr under a great invisible weight that tended eyes steadily to watch little sphere of orange-gold Sollenar, manipulating the heli- The slowly yielded as his back Sollenar in flight across the enig- streaked with darker um-filled plastic drifter far above metal, groaned. matic sky. surface vermicular him, steered himself with jets of bronze, its Sollenar took a single back- was still in compressed gas from plastic bot- with encrustations, ward step. ILW/TIERE he landed, on the his hands. “Him!” Burr cried out ” tles in the drifter’s structure. Burr took a step toward him. roof of a building in his Only Sollenar himself, in all as Sollenar fired. The golden ball lay in a far possession, Sollenar had a disposal Gasping, Sollenar watched the this system, was not effectively corner. Sollenar raised the pistol unit for his gun and his other Burr. It threw his transparent to the municipal anti- charge strike despairingly and fired again. Burr trappings. He deferred for a time backward faster than his plane radar. And he himself was torso tripped backward on tiptoe, his the question of why Burr had head could follow with- wrapped in long, fluttering limbs and arms like windmills, and fell atop failed at once to die. Empty- dangling. The choked-down streamers of dull black, metallic out the prize. handed, he returned uptown. pistol was nearly silent. Burr sheeting. To the eye, he was Tears ran down Sollenar’s He entered his office, called backward to end, trans- amorphous and non-reflective. To crashed cheeks. He pushed one foot for- and told his attorneys the exact the wall. fixed, against . electronic sensors, he was a drift ward . . and Burr, in his corner, times of departure and return and GALAXY 116 WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF NIGHT 117 direct, trained blows he had could as easily renege on the Ball learned at his athletic club. as a king could on his coronation. knew the question of dealing with We can sip it and think.” Bone splintered against the “Burr, you scum, what have municipal authorities was thereby He let her draw him out onto on stone. When the knuckles were you done to me?” he asked the resolved. That was simple enough, the terrace. He leaned the her broken the hands instantaneously air, and the telephone said: “Beg with no witnesses to complicate parapet, his arm around puls- around disappeared, leaving only streaks pardon?” the matter. He began to wish he ing waist, his cape drawn behind them. Sollenar looked over “Tell my valet,” Sollenar said. hadn’t been so irresolute as to both their shoulders. if you’d the parapet. A bundle shrank “I’m going.” He dismissed the leave Burr without the thing he “Bess, I won’t ask stay matter what the cir- from sight, silhouetted against the phone. His hands cupped in front was after. Surely, if the pistol with me no be lights of the pedestrian level and of his chest. A firm grip on empti- hadn’t killed the man — an old cumstances. But it might a the Avenue. It contracted to a ness might be stronger than any man, with thin limbs and spotted time will come when I couldn’t live in this city. What pinpoint. Then, when it reached prize in a broken hand. skin — he could have wrestled bear to the brook and water flew in all Carrying in his chest something • that thin-limbed, bloody old man about that?” she answered directions, it disappeared in a he refused to admit was terror, aside — that spotted old man — “I don’t know,” final sunburst, endowed with Sollenar made ready for the Ball. and dragged himself and his prize honestly. Burr put his glory by the many lights which But only a few moments after back to the window, for all that And Cortwright edge of the par- found momentary reflection down the first dance set had ended. the old man would have clung to hand up over the there. Malcolm Levier of the local TTV him, and clutched at his legs, and apet, between them. “Bess, leave me! Leave me, station executive staff looked fumbled for a handhold on his at the please!” Rufus Sollenar cried out. over Sollenar’s shoulder and re- somber disguise of wrappings — OLLENAR stared down marked: that broken, immortal old man. S straining knuckles, holding the Ill “Oh, there’s Cort Burr, dressed Sollenar raised his hand. The entire weight of the man dangling like a gallows bird.” great window to the city grew against the sheer face of the T>UFUS Sollenar paced his of- opaque. building. There was a sliding, Sollenar, glittering in the cos- •*-*- fice, his hands still Bess Allardyce knocked softly rustling noise, and the other hand held safely tume of the Medici, did not turn for in front of him, their fingers his head. “Is he? would he on the door from the terrace. He came up, searched blindly a What spread and rigid. here?” would have thought she’d re- hold and found it, hooked over want The telephone sounded, and his turned to her own apartments the stone. The fingers tensed and Levier’s eyebrows arched. “He secretary said to him: “Mr. many hours ago. Tortuously rose, their tips flattening at the Sol- holds a little stock. He has entree. lenar, you are ten minutes from he’s late.” lips pleased, he opened the door and pressure as Burr tried to pull his But Levier’s to the being late at the TTV Executives’ quirked. “It have taken smiled at her, feeling the dried head and shoulders up must him Ball. This is a First Class obliga- to get that on.” tears crack on the skin of his level of the parapet. some time makeup tion.” cheeks. Bess breathed:' “Oh, look at “Not in good taste, is it?” He took her proffered hands. them! He must have torn them Sollenar laughed. “I thought it “Look for yourself.” was, when I originally I’ll “You waited for me,” he sighed. terribly climbing up!” Then she classified “Oh, do better than that,” “A long time for anyone as beau- pulled away from Sollenar and it.” Sollenar said. “I’ll go and talk to her hand to “Are you now planning to re- him a while. Excuse me, Levier.” tiful as you to wait.” stood staring at him, She smiled back at him. “Let’s her mouth. “But he couldn’t have nege, Mr. Sollenar?” the secretary And only then did he turn around, go out and look at the stars.” climbed! We’re so high!” inquired politely. already started on his first pace the hands with Certainly, Sollenar thought. toward the man. “Isn’t it chilly?” Sollenar beat at He using the “I made spiced hot cider for us. the heels of his palms, WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF NIGHT 119 118 GALAXY T>UT Cortwright Burr was only he hadn’t the grace to go will- a pasteboard imitation of ingly? himself as Sollenar had come to “Cortwright,” Sollenar said in know him. He stood to one side of a voice confined to the two of the doorway, dressed in black and them. “So your Martian immor- crimson robes, with black leather tality works.” gauntlets on his hands, carrying Burr said nothing. a staff of weathered, natural “You got that in addition, wood. His face was shadowed by didn’t you? You knew how I’d re- a sackcloth hood, the eyes well act. You knew you’d need pro- hidden. His face was powdered tection. Paid the Martians to gray, and some blend of livid col- make you physically invulner- ors hollowed his cheeks. He stood able? It’s a good system. Very motionless as Sollenar came up to impressive. Who would have him. thought the Martians knew so As he had crossed the floor, much? But who here is going to each step regular, the eyes of by- pay attention to you now? Get standers had followed Sollenar, out of town, Cortwright. You’re until, anticipating his course, they past your chance. You’re dead as found Burr waiting. The noise far as these people are concerned level of the Ball shrank percept- — all you have left is your skin.” ibly, for the lesser revelers who Burr repched up and surrepti- chanced to be present were sus- tiously lifted a corner of his taining it all alone. The people fleshed mask. And there he was, who really mattered here were under it. The hood retreated an silent and watchful. inch, and the light reached his The thought was that Burr, de- eyes; and Sollenar had been feated in business, had come here wrong, Burr had less left than he in some insane reproach to his thought. adversary, in this lugubrious, dis- “Oh, no, no, Cortwright,” Solle- tasteful clothing. Why, he looked nar said softly. “No, you’re right like a corpse. Or worse. — I can’t stand up to that.” The question was, what would He turned and bowed to the as- Sollenar say to him? The wish sembled company. “Good night!” was that Burr would take himself he cried, and walked out of the away, back to his estates or to ballroom. some other city. New York was no Someone followed him down longer for Cortwright Burr. But the corridor to the elevators. what would Sollenar say to him Sollenar did not look behind him. now, to drive him back to where “I have another appointment

120 GALAXY card, and the cab lifted with you now,” Ermine said at superior to yours, and that stock Easily gratified at little expense. driver a off with him, its lights glaring in his elbow. in Sollenar, Incorporated, had Our dreams are totally interior, pattern, far faster than best be disposed of.” Mr. Sollenar. The operation is a Priority Sollenar Sollenar’s ordinary legal limit HEY reached the pedestrian “There’s a bench,” irreversible. What would you buy allowed. T level. Sollenar said: “There’s said. “Let’s sit down.” for me with your money?” you wish.” Ermine moved a cafe. We can talk there.” “As “What would I buy for my- the bench, but IV “Too public, Mr. Sollenar. Let’s beside Sollenar to self?” Sollenar’s head sank down standing. simply stroll and converse.” Er- remained between his shoulders. vaulted is it, Sollenar?” ONG Island Facility mine lightly took his arm and “What Mr. Ermine bent over him. “Your your help. You advised L at the stars in great kangaroo- guided him along the walkway. “I want despair is your own, Mr. Sollenar. Burr had. It’s still you.” leaps of arch and cantilever span, Sollenar noticed then that Er- me on what I have official business with somewhere. glass and metal as mine was costumed so cunningly in his office building, He lifted Sollenar’s chin with jeweled in can get entire port were a mecha- that no one could have guessed You have resoures. We a forefinger. “I judge physical in- if the navigating interplane- the appearance of the man. it.” terference to be unwarranted at nism for Sollenar. I space. Rufus Sollenar paced “Very well,” Sollenar said. “Laissez faire, Mr. this time. But matters must tary capa- esplanades, measuring his “Of course.” visited you in an advisory remain so that the IAB members its his arms still, for They walked together, casu- city. I can do no more.” involved with you can recover steps, holding partnership in my af- in the short time until he could ally. Ermine said: “Burr’s driving “For a the value of their investments you do more?” Mr. board the Mars rocket. you to your death. Is it because fairs could EV. Is that perfectly clear, Ermine tittered. en- Erect and majestic, he took a you tried to kill him earlier? Did “Money?” Sollenar? You are hereby the con- in the lounge and carefully you get his Martian secret?” “For me? Do you know joined under the By-Laws, as place liqueur, once the liner had Sollenar shook his head. ditions of my employment?” enforced by the Special Public sipped at boosted away from Earth and “You didn’t get it.” Ermine Relations Office.” He glanced thought, Sollenar at coupled in its Faraday main sighed. “That’s unfortunate. I’ll TF HE had his watch. “Notice was served have to take steps.” would have remembered. He 1:27 AM, City time.” drives. Ermine settled into the “Under the By-Laws,” Sollenar reached out tentatively. Ermine “1:27,” Sollenar said. “City Mr. place beside him. said, “I cry laissez faire.” anticipated him. time.” He sprang to his feet and Sollenar looked over at him Ermine looked up, his eyes Ermine bared his left arm and raced down a companionway to calmly. “I thought so.” twinkling. “Laissez faire? Mr. Sol- sank his teeth into it. He dis- the taxi level. no quiz- Ermine nodded. “Of course you lenar, do you have any idea how played the arm. There was Mr. Ermine watched him did. But I didn’t almost miss you. many of our members are in- quiver of pain in voice or stance. zically. took I was here ahead of you. I have volved in your fortunes? They “It’s not a legend, Mr. Sollenar. He opened his costume, kit, no objection to your going to will cry laissez faire, Mr. Sollenar, It’s quite true. We of our office out his omnipresent medical Mars, Mr. Sollenar. Laissez faire. but clearly you persist in drag- must spend a year, after the nerve and sprayed coagulant over the Provided I can go along.” ging them down with you. No, sir, surgery, learning to walk without wound in his forearm. Replacing ob- “Well,” Rufus Sollenar said. Mr. Sollenar, my office now for- the feel of our feet, to handle the kit, he adjusted his clothing He gestured with his wards an immediate recommenda- jects without crushing them or and strolled down the same com- “Liqueur?” glass. tion to the Technical Advisory letting them slip, or damaging panionway Sollenar had run. He Ermine shook his head. “No, Committee of the IAB that Mr. ourselves. Our mundane pleasures raised an arm, and a taxi flittered thank you,” he said delicately. Burr probably has a system are auditory, olfactory, and visual. down beside him. He showed the NIGHT 123 122 GALAXY WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF buildings huddled, but huddled here and there, not all of them Sollenar said: “Even your light is poor, but I think he’s rec- proudly, at the desert’s edge. busy. “Come here,” Sollenar said, tongue?” ognizable.” Low on the horizon was the nodding toward one of them. “Of course my tongue, Mr. Sol- Across the lounge, Burr raised Martian settlement — the build- They stopped out of sight of lenar. I taste nothing. I touch his head and looked into Sollen- ings so skillfully blended with the the lobby and the main corridor. nothing.” Ermine smiled. “But I ar’s eyes. He raised a hand near landscape, so eroded, so much “Come on,” Sollenar said. “A lit- feel no pressure.” his face, perhaps merely to signify abandoned that the uninformed tle further.” “All right, then,” Rufus Sol- greeting. Rufus Sollenar faced eye saw nothing. Sollenar had “No,” Ermine said. “This is lenar said crisply. “We have sev- front. been to Mars — on a tour. He had farther than I really wish. It’s eral hours to landing time. You “A worthy opponent, Mr. Sol- seen the natives in their nameless dark here.” sit and dream your interior lenar,” Ermine said. “A persever- dwelling place; arrogant, venom- “Wise too late, Mr. Ermine,” dreams, and I’ll dream mine.” He ing, unforgiving, ingenious man. ous and weak. He had been told, Sollenar said, his arms flashing faced around in his chair and And yet —” Ermine seemed a lit- by the paid guide, they trafficked out. folded his arms across his chest. tle touched by bafflement. “And with Earthmen as much as they One palm impacted against “Mr. Sollenar,” Ermine said yet it seems to me, Mr. Sollenar, cared to, and kept to their place Ermine’s solar plexus, and the gently. that he got you running rather on the rim of Earth’s encroach- other against the muscle at the “Yes?” easily. What did happen between ment, observing. side of his neck, but not hard “I am once again with you by you, after my advisory call?” “Tell me, Ermine,” Sollenar enough to kill. Ermine collapsed, appointment as provided under Sollenar turned a terrible smile said quietly as they walked across starved for oxygen, while Sollen- the By-Laws.” on Ermine. “I shot him to pieces. the terminal lobby. “You’re to kill ar silently cursed having been “State your business, Mr. Er- If you’d peel his face, you’d see.” me, aren’t you, if I try to go on cured of murder. Then Sollenar mine.” Ermine sighed. “Up to this without you?” turned and ran. “You are not permitted to lie moment, I had thought perhaps “A matter of procedure, Mr. Behind him Ermine’s body in an unknown grave, Mr. Sol- you might still salvage your Sollenar,” Ermine said evenly. struggled to draw breath by re- lenar. Insurance policies on your affairs.” “We cannot risk the investment flex alone. life have been taken out at a high “Pity, Mr. Ermine? Pity for capital of so many IAB members.” Moving as fast as he dared, premium rate. The IAB members the insane?” Sollenar sighed. “If I were any Sollenar walked back and concerned cannot wait the statu- “Interest. I can take no part in other member, how I would com- reached the taxi lock, pulling a tory seven years to have you your world. Be grateful, Mr. Sol- mend you, Mr. Ermine! Can we respirator from a wall rack as he declared dead. Do what you will, lenar. I am not the same gullible hire a car for ourselves, then, went. He flagged a car and gave Mr. Sollenar, but I must take care man I was when I signed my con- somewhere nearby?” his destination, looking behind I witness your death. From now tract with IAB, so many years “Going out to see the engi- him. He had seen nothing of Cort- on, I am with you wherever you ago.” neers?” Ermine asked. “Who wright Burr since setting foot on go.” Sollenar laughed. Then he stole would have thought they’d have Mars. But he knew that soon or Sollenar smiled. “I don’t intend a glance at Burr’s corner. something valuable for sale?” late, Burr would find him. to die. Why should I die, Mr. “I want to show them some- A few moments later Ermine?” rTTHE ship came down at Aber- Ermine *- thing,” Sollenar said. got to his feet. Sollenar’s car was “I have no idea, Mr. Sollenar. nathy Field, in Aresia, the “What thing, Mr. Sollenar?” well away. Ermine shrugged and But I know Cortwright Burr’s Terrestrial city. Industralized, They turned the corner of a went to the local broadcasting character. And isn’t that he, prefabricated, jerry-built and corridor, with branching hallways station. seated there in the corner? The clamorous, the storm-proofed

WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF NIGHT 125 124 GALAXY He commandeered a private What from Aresia had been a stant care desk, a firearm and immediate solid front of dun color was here kept off the street, the parted deliberately to let Sollenar shadow-houses fenced his time on the IAB interoffice circuit a facade of red, green and blue way in. and the sculptures were to Earth. When his call acknowl- splashed about centuries ago and motion- Before the door closed behind less hope. edgement had come back to him since then weathered only enough as Ahead of him, he saw him, Sollenar looked back. But the buildings of the engineers. from his office there, he reported: to show how bitter the colors had the rubble of the abandoned sec- There was no heap to climb and tors blocked his line of sight “Sollenar is enroute to the Mar- once been. The plum-colored sky into look to see if Ermine followed tian city. He wants a duplicate stretched over all this like a frigid the desert. close behind. of Burr’s device, of course, since membrane, and the wind blew “What can you offer? And what Sucking his respirator, he smashed the original when he and blew. he do you want?” the Martian asked. reached the building of the Mar- stood killed Burr. I’ll follow and make Here and there, as he pro- Sollenar half-ringed by tian engineers. final disposition. The disorienta- gressed, Sollenar saw Martian them, in a room whose corners A sounding strip ran down the tion I reported previously is pro- arms and heads protruding from he could not see in the uncertain doorjamb. gressing rapidly. Almost all his the rubble. Sculptures. He scratched his fin- light. responses now are inappropriate. He was moving toward the gernails sharply along it, and the “I offer you Terrestrial cur- magnified vibration, ducted On the flight out, he seemed to heart of the city, where some few rency.” throughout be staring at something in an unbroken structures persisted. At the hollow walls, The English-speaking Martian rattled his plea for entrance. empty seat. Quite often when the top of a heap of shards he — the Martian who had admitted spoken to he obviously hears turned to look behind him. There to speaking English — turned his something else entirely. I expect was the dust-plume of his cab, re- V head slightly and spoke to his to catch one of the next few flights turning to the city. He expected fellows. There were clacking ^T'HE door opened, and Mar- back.” to walk back — perhaps to meet sounds as his lips met. The others There was no point in waiting someone on the road, all alone on tians stood looking. They reacted variously, one of them were for comment to wend its way the Martian plain if only Ermine spindly-limbed and slight, suddenly gesturing with what their back from Earth. Ermine left. He would forebear from interfering. faces framed by folds of seemed a disgusted flip of his arm leathery went to a cab rank and paid the Searching the flat, thin-aired tissue. Their mouths before he turned without further exorbitant fee for transportation landscape, he tried to pick out were lipped with horn as hard as word and stalked away, his outside Aresian city limits. the plodding dot of Cortwright dentures, and pursed, forever shoulders looking like the Burr. But not yet. ready to masticate. They were shawled back of a very old and /''’LOSE at hand, the Martian He turned and ran down the pleasant neither to look at nor, very hungry woman. Sollenar knew, ^ city was like a welter of untrustworthy slope. to deal with. But “What did Burr give you?” Sol- Cortwright broken pots. Shards of wall and He reached the edge of the Burr had done it. And lenar asked. Sollenar roof joined at savage angles and maintained area. Here the rubble needed to do it. “Burr.” The Martian cocked “Does pointed to nothing. Underfoot, was gone, the ancient walks anyone here speak Eng- his head. His eyes were not lish?” he asked. drifts of vitreous material, shaped swept, the statues kept upright on multi-faceted, but gave that im- “I,” said the central Martian, pression. to fit no sane configuration, and their pediments. But only broken his mouth opening to the sound, “He here broken to fit such a mosaic as no walls suggested the fronts of the was and he dealt with church would contain, rocked and houses that had stood here. Knif- closing to end the reply. you. Not long ago. On what “I would like to deal slid under Sollenar’s hurrying ing their sides up through the with you.” basis?” “Whenever,” feet. wind-rippled sand that only con- the Martian said, “Burr. Yes. Burr gave us cur- and the group at the doorway rency. We will take currency 126 GALAXY WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF NIGHT 127 just to allow for it,” said the would, I believe, be Rufus Sollen- from you. For the same thing we used pictures on a screen, and English-speaking Martian. ar? Burr spoke of you and made him?” broadcast sounds, to carry the de- gave “The machine creates any de- the noise of laughing.” “For immortality, yes.” tails of the story told to the au- sired situation in the auditor’s Sollenar opened his mouth. “Im This is a new word.” ditor.” — mind?” But there was nothing to say. “Is it? For the secret of not “He stole those patents! He “Certainly. There are simple “You want such a device?” the couldn’t have used them on dying?” predisposing tapes that can be Martian asked. “We’ve prepared “Not dying? You think we Earth.” inserted as desired. Love, adven- several since Burr left. He spoke have not-dying for sale here?” ture, cerebration — it makes no of machines that would manufac- The Martian spoke to the others Ci A ND why should he? Our difference.” ture them in astronomical num- again. Their lips clattered. Others device needs to convey no Several of the bystanders bers. We, of course, have done left, first had, like the one moving precise details. Any mind can clacked sounds out to each other. our best with our poor hands.” with great precision and very make its own. It only needs to be Sollenar looked at them narrowly. Sollenar said: “I would like to slow step, remaining tol- and no put into a situation, and from It was obvious there had to be look out your door.” erance for Sollenar. there it can do all the work. If an more than one English-speaker “Pleasure.” Sollenar cried out: “What did auditor wishes a story of contact among these people. Sollenar opened the door slight- you sell him, then?” with other sexes, for example, the “And the device you gave ly. Mr. Ermine stood in the The principal engineer said: projector simply makes it seem to Burr,” he asked the engineer, cleared street, motionless as the “We made an entertainment de- him, the next time he is with the neither calmly nor hopefully. shadow buildings behind him. He vice for him.” object of his desire, that he is get- “What sort of stories could its raised one hand in a gesture of “A little thing. This size.” Sol- ting positive feedback — that he auditors tell themselves?” unfelt greeting as he saw Sollenar, lenar cupped his hands. is arousing a similar response in then put it back on the stock of “You have seen it, then.” that object. Once that has been T^HE Martian cocked his head his rifle. Sollenar closed the door, “Yes. And nothing more? That established for him, the auditor again. It gave him the look of and turned to the Martian. “How was all he bought here?” may then leave the machine, an owl at a bedroom window. “Oh, much currency do you want?” “It was all we had to sell — or move about normally, conduct his there was one situation we were “Oh, all you have with you. give. We don’t yet know whether life as usual — but always in particularly instructed to include. You people always have a good Earthmen will give us things in accordance with the basic situa- Burr said he was thinking ahead deal with you when you travel.” exchange for currency. We’ll see, tion. It is, you see, in the end a to showing it to an acquaintance Sollenar plunged his hands when we next need something means of introducing system into of his. into his pockets and pulled out from Aresia.” his view of reality. Of course, his “It was a situation of adven- his billfold, his change, his keys, Sollenar demanded: “How did society must understand that he ture; of adventure with the fear- his jeweled radio; whatever was it work? This thing you sold him.” is not in accord with reality, for ful. And it was to end in loss and there, he rummaged out onto the “Oh, it lets people tell stories some of what he does cannot bitterness.” The Martian looked floor, listening to the sound of to themselves.” seem rational from an outside even more closely at Sollenar. “Of rolling coins. Sollenar looked closely at the view of him. So some care must course, the device does not speci- “I wish I had more here,” he Martian. “What kind of stories?” be taken, but not much. If many fy details. No one but the auditor laughed. “I wish I had the amount “Any kind,” the Martian said such devices were to enter his can know what fearful thing in- that man out there is going to blandly. “Burr told us what he society, soon the circumstances habits his story, or precisely how recover when he shoots me.” wanted. He had drawings with would become commonplace, and the end of it would come. You The Martian engineer cocked him of an Earthman device that the society would surely read-

Wall of crystal, eye of night 129 128 GALAXY ——

THE BEST IN his head. “But your dream is him come closer while he raised Then, with a great swing of his PAPERBOUND over, Mr. Sollenar,” he clacked and carefully sighted his rifle. Sol- arms, he sent the rifle whirling SCIENCE FICTION BOOKS drily. “Isn’t it?” lenar might have some Martian away. “The wind!” he sighed into Your favorite authors and their “Quite so. But you to your the thin air. “I feel the weapon or he might not. Ermine wind.” He greatest stories! Satisfaction guaran- leapt into the air, purposes and I to mine. Now give did not particularly care. If Er- and sand flew teed5— or money back within ten days. me one of those projectors. And mine died, he would hardly notice away from his feet as he landed. He whispered set it to predispose a situation I it — far less than he would notice to himself: “I feel 12— 13— TAKE YOUR PICK am about to specify to you. Take a botched ending to a job of work the ground!” He stared THE WORLD BELOW, S. Fowler Wright however long it needs. The audi- already roiled by Sollenar’s break in tremblant joy at 16—6 17— THE ALIEN, Raymond F. Jones Sollenar’s 9—FOUR-SIDED TRIANGLE, F. ence is a patient one.” He away at the space field. If Ermine empty body. “What 19— W. Temple HOUSE OF MANY WORLDS, Sam Merwln laughed, and tears gathered in died, some other SPRO agent have you given me?” Full of his 21— SEEDS OF LIFE, John Taine 23—14—PEBBLE IN THE SKY, Isaac Asimov own rebirth, 24— his eyes. would be assigned almost immedi- he swung his head up 15—THREE GO BACK, J. Leslie Mitchell THE WARRIORS at the sky again, 26— OF DAY, James Blish ately. No matter what happened, and cried in the WELL OF THE WORLDS, Lewis Padgett 30—18—CITY AT WORLD'S T%/|"R. Ermine waited, isolated SPRO would stop Sollenar before direction of the Sun: “Oh, you 31— END, Edmond Hamilton 32— JACK OF EAGLES, James Blish 33—20 BLACK GALAXY, from the cold, listening to he ever reached Abernathy Field. squeezing, nibbling people who Murray Leinster 35— THE HUMANOIDS, Jack Williamson hear whether the rifle stock was So there was plenty of time to made me incorruptible and 36— MURDER IN SPACE, David V. Reed LEST DARKNESS thought 38— FALL, L. S. de Camp slipping out of his fingers. He aim an unhurried, clean shot. that was the end of me!” 25—THE LAST SPACESHIP, Murray Leinster With love CHESSBOARD PLANET, Lewis Padgett had no desire to go into the Mar- Sollenar was closer, now. He he buried Sollenar, 27 TARNISHED UTOPIA, Malcolm Jameson DOUBLE JEOPARDY, Fletcher tian building after Sollenar and seemed to be in a very agitated and with reverence he put up the 43— Pratt 44— SHAMBLEAU, C. L. Moore 45— ADDRESS: involve third parties. All he frame of mind. He held out what- marker, but he had plans for what 46— CENTAURI, F. L. Wallace MISSION OF GRAVITY, Hal Clement wanted was to put Sollenar’s ever he had in his hand. he might accomplish with the 34 TWICE IN TIME, Manly Wade Wellman FOREVER MACHINE, Clifton & Riley facts body under a dated marker, with It was another one of the Mar- of this transaction, and the ODD JOHN, W. Olaf Stapledon 37—THE DEVIATES, myriad others Raymond F. Jones as little trouble as possible. tian entertainment machines. Sol- he was privy to. TROUBLED STAR, George 0. Smith 39—PAGAN PASSION, Garrett & Harris Now and then he walked a few lenar seemed to be offering it as A sharp bit of pottery had pen- 40— —VIRGIN PLANET, Poul Anderson forward, to a token to Ermine. Ermine smiled. etrated the sole of his 41 FLESH, Philip Jose Farmer paces backward and shoe and 42—SEX WAR, Sam Merwin A WOMAN keep from losing muscular control “What can you offer me, Mr. gashed his foot, but he, not A DAY, Philip J. Farmer having THE MATING seen CRY, A. E. Van Vogt at his extremities because of low Sollenar?” he said, and shot. it, hadn’t felt it. Nor would THE MALE RESPONSE, Brian W. Aldiss he SIN IN SPACE, Cyril M. Judd skin temperature. Sollenar must The golden ball rolled away see it or feel it even when he come out soon enough. He had no over the sand. “There, now,” Er- changed his stockings; for he had not Galaxy Publishing Corporation food supply with him, and though mine said. “Now, wouldn’t you noticed the wound when it 421 Hudson Street, New York 14, N. Y. did not like sooner be than you? And was made. It didn’t matter. Ermine the risk of me In a Send few me the following GALAXY NOVELS: engaging a man like Sollenar in where is the thing that made the days it would heal, though not a starvation contest, there was no difference between us?” as rapidly as if it had been doubt that a man with no taste He shivered. He was chilly. properly attended to. for fuel could outlast one with the Sand was blowing against his Vaguely, he heard the sound of I enclose remittance at 6 FOR |2.00 or 35c acquired reflexes of eating. tender face, which had been some- Martians clacking behind their each. The door opened and Sollenar what abraded during his long closed door as he hurried out of Name came out. wait. the city, full of revenge, and rev- Address erence for his He was carrying something. He stopped, transfixed. savior. City Zone State Perhaps a weapon. Ermine let He lifted his head. — ALGIS BUDRYS

130 GALAXY WALL OF CRYSTAL, EYE OF NIGHT 131 ' *

Meet Higgston Rainbird, who

invented steamboating and

the nuclear pile—remember?

RAINBIHD

By R. A. LAFFERTY

Illustrated by WALKER

ERE scientific firsts truly tabulated the name of the Yankee in- WHiggston Rainbird, would ventor, surely be without peer. Yet today he is known (and only to a few specialists, at that) for an im- proved blacksmith’s bellows in the year 1785, for a certain modi- fication (not fundamental) in the moldboard plow about 1805, for a better (but not good) method of reefing the lateen sail, for a chest- nut roaster, for the Devil’s Claw Wedge for splitting logs, and for a nutmeg grater embodying a

132 GALAXY new safety feature; this last was explanation; and if not that, then His sparker was not a success. For better or worse he brought either in year 1816 or 1817. an account at least; and if not the It would be expensive, its spark the country up a long road, so He is known for such, and for no that, well—something anyhow. was uncertain and it had almost there was hardly a custom more. of his no advantage over flint. People boyhood that still continued. Were this all that he had UTGGSTON RAINBIRD could always start a fire. If not, Probably no one man had ever achieved his would still be a certain decision on name made they could borrow a brand from changed a country so much in secure. And it is secure, in a a June afternoon in 1779 when a neighbor. There was no market his lifetime. limited way, and to those who he was quite a young man, and for the sparker. But it was a nice He fathered a true machine- hobby in technological history. by this decision he confirmed his machine, hammered copper strips tool industry, and brought rubber But the glory of which history inventive bent. wrapped around iron teased with from the tropics and plastic from has cheated him, or of which he He was hawking from the top lodestone, and the thing turned the laboratory. He pumped petro- cheated himself, is otherwise. In of Devil’s Head Mountain. He with a hand crank. He never leum, and used natural gas for a different sense, it is without flew his falcon (actually a tercel gave it up entirely. He based illumination and steam power. parallel, absolutely unique. hawk) down through the white other things upon it; and the He was honored and enriched; For he pioneered the dynamo, clouds, and to him it was the retrogressor of his last years and, looking back, he had no automobile, the steel The the steam highest sport in the world. could not have been built with- reason to regard his life as industry, ferro-concrete construc- back, climbing the blue bird came out it. wasted. tion, the internal combustion en- air, and brought a passenger But the main thing was steam, “Yet I’ve missed so much. I gine, electric illumination and pigeon from below the clouds. iron, and tools. He made the fin- tar-heeled and wasted a lot of power, the wireless, the televox, And Higgston was almost per- est lathes. He revolutionized time. If only I could have avoided the petroleum and petro-chemi- fectly happy as he hooded the smelting and mining. He brought the blind alleys, I could have cal industries, monorail transpor- hawk. new things to power, and started done many times as much. day I tation, air travel, world-wide He could stay there all the smoke to rolling. He made brought machine-tooling to its monitoring, fissionable power, and hawk from above the clouds. mistakes, he ran into dead ends, apex. But I neglected the moun- finest space travel, group telepathy, Or he could go down the ho wasted whole decades. But tool of all, the mind. I used it as political and economic balance; tain and work on his sparker in one man can only do so much. it is, but I had no time to study he built a retrogressor; and he his shed. He sighed as he made He married a shrew, Audrey, it, much less modify it. have Others made great advances towards the decision, for no man can knowing that a man cannot after me will do it all. But I corporeal immortality and the everything. There was a fascina- achieve without a goad as well rather wanted to do it all myself. apotheosis of mankind. It would tion about hawking. But there as a goal. But he was without Now it is too late.” unfair that all this is un- also about the seem was a fascination issue or disciple, and this worried known of him. copper-strip sparker. And he him. TTE went back and worked with Even the once-solid facts—that went down the mountain to work He built steamboat and steam- his old sparker and its de- he wired Philadelphia for light on it. train. His was the first steam scendants, now that he was old. and power in 1799, Boston the Thereafter he hawked less. thresher. He cleared the forests He built toys along the line of it following year and New York After several years he was forced with wood-burning giants, and that need not always have re- two years later are no longer to give it up altogether. He had designed — towns. He destroyed mained toys. He made a televox, solid. In a sense they are no chosen his life, the dedicated southern slavery with a steam- but the only practical application longer facts. career of an inventor, and he Powered cotton picker, and power was that now Audrey could rail For all this there must be an stayed with it for sixty-five years. and wealth followed him. at him over a greater distance.

134 GALAXY r AIN BIRD 135 He fired up a little steam dynamo till later. As my name is Rainbird, “How do you know the bird once. Man, I’ll pave a path for if I had it to do over, I’d do it the hard places and in his house, ran wires and made is tough? Who are you, and how you over it burn lights in his barn. infinitely better.” did an old man like you climb up strew palms before your feet.” began write a list of the And he built a retrogressor. He to here without my seeing you. And “Talk, you addle-pated old things that he’d have done better. ever listened so “I would do much more along how in hellpepper did you know gaff. No man Then he stopped and threw away this line had I the time. But I’m that my name was Higgston?” hard before.” his pen in disgust. pepper-bellied pretty near the “I ate the bird and I remember “Never did even invent a de- talked to the end of the road. It is like finally that it was tough. I am just an HE old man cent ink-pen. Never got around coming to a gate and seeing a old man who would tell you a T young one for five hours. Not it. Dog-eared damnation, whole greater world beyond it, to few things to avoid in your life, a word was wasted: they were there’s so much I didn’t do!” wasting and being too old and too feeble and I came up here by means of neither of them given to himself a jolt, but to enter.” He poured an invention of my own. And I words. He told him that steam he made a face as he drank it. before He kicked a chair and broke know your name is Higgston, as wasn’t everything — this “Never got around to distilling it anything. It it. it is also my name; you being he knew that was really better whisky. Had some “I never even made a better a named after me, or I after you, was a giant power, but it was good ideas along that line too. perhaps, chair. Never got around to it. I forget which. Which one of us limited. Other powers, So many things I never did do. him to There are so clod-hopping many is the oldest anyhow?” were not. He instructed Well, I can’t improve things by of ampli- things I meant to do. I have may- “I had thought that you were, explore the possibilities talking to myself here about it.” to use be pushed the country ahead a old man. I am a little interested fication and feedback, and Then he sat and thought. of couple of decades faster than it in inventions myself. How does always the lightest medium burr-tailed can improve would otherwise have gone. But “But I the one that carried you Up here transmission of power: wire rath- myself there what couldn’t I have done if it things by talking to work?” er than mule-drawn coal cart, about it.” ether rather weren’t for the blind alleys! Ten “It begins, well it begins with air rather than wire, turned on his retrogressor, years lost in one of them, twelve He something like your sparker, than air. He warned against time years in one. If only there had been a and went back sixty-five Higgston. And as the years go by wasted in shoring up the obsolete, and two thousand feet. quicksand way to tell the true from the up you adapt and add. But it is and of the bottomless of word and of false, and to leave to others what all tinkering with a force field of cliche, both IGGSTON Rainbird was they could do, and to do myself till you are able to warp it a thought. hawking from the top of him not to only what nobody else could do. little. Now then, you are an ewer- He admonished To see a link (however unlikely) Devil’s Head Mountain one June eared galoot and not as hand- waste precious months in trying 1779. flew his apple-corer; and go out and get it and set it afternoon in He some as I remembered you; but to devise the perfect through the white- never be a perfect in its place. O the waste, the wil- bird down I happen to know that you have there will not derness that a talent can wander fleece clouds, and to him it was the makings of a fine man. Listen apple-corer. He begged him back, There in! If I had only had a mentor! sport indeed. Then it came now as hard as evqr you listened to build a better bob-sled. air, and far swifter than If I had had a map, a clue, a hat- climbing the shimmering in your life. I doubt that I will would be things ful of clues. I was born shrewd, brought a pigeon to him. be able to repeat. I will save the bob-sled. and I shrewdly cut a path and “It’s fun,” said the old man, you years and decades; I will Let others make the new hide- is tough, and you tanning salts. Let went a grand ways. But always “but the bird tell you the best road to take scrapers and and the carter and the there was a clearer path and have a lot to do. Sit down over a journey which it was once others aid in a faster way that I did not see listen, Higgston.” said that a man could travel but candle-molder and the cooper

136 GALAXY RAINBIRD 137 of things about a confounded huge shop in that same year (1779). “He has made all the basic their arts. There was need for a of subjects. He had an arc light burning in inventions,” said the many- better halm, a better horse-block, variety little mathematics Horse-Head Lighthouse in 1781. tongued people. “Now there re- a better stile, a better whetstone. “And a practical man,” said He read by true incandescent mains only their refinement and Well, let others fill those needs. never hurt a “I was self-taught, light in 1783, and lighted his proper utilization.” If our button-hooks, our fire-dogs, the old gaffer. native village, Knobknocker, “Horse hockey,” our whiffle-trees, our boot-jacks, and it slowed me down.” said Higgston there, three years later. He drove a Rainbird. our cheese-presses are all badly They hunkered down He made a rocket that all charcoal-fueled automobile designed and a disgrace, then let and the old man cyphered it in could carry freight to England top of 1787, switched to a distillate of in thirteen minutes someone else remove that dis- out in the dust on the at seven cents He whale oil in 1789, and used true a hundredweight. grace. Let others aid the cord- Devil’s Head Mountain. This was in rock-oil in 1790. His wainer and the cobbler. Let showed him natural logarithms gasoline 1805. He had fissionable power cal- powered combination Higgston do only the high work and rotating vectors and the reaper- in 1813, and within four years didn’t push thresher was in commercial pro- had the price that nobody else would be able culi and such; but he down where it smart boy duction in 1793, the same year could be used for to do. it too far, as even a desalting sea- that he wired There would come a time can learn only so much in a few Centerville for water to the eventual irrigation him a light and power. His first diesel of five million when the farrier himself would minutes. He then gave square miles of of locomotive made its trial run in disappear, as the fletcher had all little advice on the treatment remarkably dry land. be 1796, in which year he also con- but disappeared. But new trades Audrey, knowing it would He built a Think Machine to living with verted one of his earlier coal- work out the would open for a man with an useless, for the art of problems that he burning steam open mind. a shrew is a thing that cannot ships to liquid was too busy to solve, and a fuel. Prediction Then the old man got specific. be explained to another. Machine to pose him He showed young Higgston a de- “Now hood your hawk and go In 1799 he had wired Phila- new problems and new areas of go to delphia for light and power, a breakthrough. sign for a lathe-dog that would down the mountain and said. And major breakthrough, for the big save time. He told him how to work,” the old man In 1821, on his birthday, he Higgston cities had manfully resisted the draw, rather than hammer wire; that is what young hit the moon with a marker. He innovations. On the night of the and advised him of the virtues Rainbird did. bet a crony that he would be turn of the century he unhooded able to of mica as insulator until better go up personally one in- a whole clutch materials should come to hand. HE career of the Yankee of new things, year later and retrieve it. And he wireless “And here there are some T ventor, Higgston Rainbird, telegraphy, the televox, won the bet. radio transmission and reception, things that you will have to take was meteoric. The wise men of In 1830 he first put on the him, motile and audible theatrical re- market his Ball on faith,” said the old man, Greece were little boys to Red Pipe To- productions, a machine to trans- “things of which we learn the the Renaissance giants had only bacco, an aromatic and expen- mit the human voice into print, sive ‘what’ before we fathom the knocked at the door but had not crimp cut made of Martian ” un- and a method of sterilizing and lichen. ‘why.’ tried the knob. And it was Wrapping meat to permit its in- He explained to him the shut- locked all the time. In 1836 he founded the Insti- definite preservation at any tem- tute for the tle armature and the self-exciting The milestones that Higgston Atmospheric Reha- built a perature. bilitation of Venus, for field and commutation; and the left are breathtaking. He he found of And in the spring of that new possibilities that alternation car- short high dam on the flank that place to be worse than a had year he first flew a heavier-than- smoke-house. It there ried to its ultimate might open Devil’s Head Mountain, and was that air vehicle. he developed that up. He told him a bejammed lot hydroelectric power for his own hacking cough

138 GALAXY Rainbird 139 “What a saddle-galled splay- the finest fellow in the world and with him till the weather itself he disdained to that stayed footed situation to find myself did evolve infalli- master of the finest sport. If there of his days. modify, but he end in! I never got around to a tenth was earth below the clouds it was synthesized a man of his ble prediction of exact daily rain- He of the things decades I really wanted to far away and unimportant. own age and disreputude who fall and temperature for do. O, I was smart enough; I The hunting bird came back, sit drinking with him in in advance. would just ran up too many blind alleys. built a retrogressor. climbing the tall air, with a the after-midnight hours and And he Never found the answers to half pigeon from the lower regions. “You’re so right, Higgston, say, the old riddles. Should built looked in the mir- have “Forget the bird,” said the old incontestably right.” /"VNE day he so the Prediction Machine at the ” frowned. man, “and give a listen with those His plain for the Simplification ror and beginning instead of the end. But outsized ears of yours. I have a and Eventual Elimination of “I never did get around to I didn’t know how to build it at lot to tell you in a very little Government was adopted (in making a better mirror. This one the beginning. There ought to be while, and then you must devote modified form) in 1840, a fruit is hideous. However (to consider a way to get more done. Never yourself to possibility) let us weigh a concentrated life of of his Political and Economic every got any advice in my life worth work. is the image Hood the bird and clip Balance Institute. the thesis that it taking except from that nutty old him to stake. mirror that is hid- the Is that bridle- Yet, for all his seemingly suc- and not the man on the mountain when I clip of your own invention? Ah penetration of the field, eous.” cessful was a young acquaintence. man. There’s a lot yes, I remember now that it is.” he realized that man was the He called up an of things I’ve only started on. “I’ll just fly him down once cantankerous animal, “Say, Ulois, what year is this one truly Well, every man doesn’t hang, more, old man, and then I’ll have and that Human Engineering anyhow?” but every man does come to the a look at what you’re selling.” would remain one of the never- “1844.” end of his rope. I never did get “No, no. Hood him at once. completely-resolved fields. “Are you sure?” around to making that rope ex- This is your moment of decision. He made a partial break- “Reasonably sure.” tensible. And I can’t improve That is a boyishness that you telepathy, starting “How old am I?” through in things talking Higgston.” by to myself here must give up. Listen to me, Higg- with the personal knowledge that “Eighty-five, I think, about it.” an old ston, and I will orient your life shrews are always able .to read “How long have I been He filled his pipe with Red for you.” of their spouses. He man?” the minds Ball quite crimpcut and thought a “I rather intended to orient it knew that the secret was not in “Quite a while, Higgston, while. myself. How did you get up here, sympathetic reception, but in ar- a while.” up “But I hill-hopping can im- old man, without me seeing you? rogant break-in. With the polite Higgston Rainbird hung prove things talking to myself How, in fact, did you get up here it is forever impossible, but he rudely. there about it.” let a at all? It’s a hard climb.” disguised this discovery as polite- “I wonder how I ever Then he turned his retro- on me?" on “Yes, I remember that it is. I ly as he could. thing like that slip up gressor and went back and up. came up here on the wings of an And he worked toward corpo- he said to himself. “I should have immortality a invention of my own. Now pay immortality and the apotheo- gone on corporeal - real V7 OUNG Higgston Rainbird earlier. I’ve bungled the attention for a few hours. It will sis of mankind, that cantankerous little was hawking from the top of take all your considerable wit.” animal. whole business now.” Devil’s Head Mountain on a “A few hours and a perfect He designed a fabric that He fiddled with his Prediction was to June afternoon in 1779. He flew hawking afternoon will be gone. would embulk itself on a temper- Machine and saw that he not his hawk down through the white This may be the finest day ever ature drop, and thin to an airy die that very year. He did clouds, and decided that he was made.” sheen in summery weather. The seek a finer reading.

RAINBIRD 141 It’s sport Then the hawk came back, wheels are on the inside. But I “I also once felt that it was, “Hood the hawk. a me, climbing the towering air, and can use the gears from it, and but I manfully gave it up. So for boys. Now listen to you it had a mainbird. the clock, and the copper wire. must you.” spraddling jack. I am telling you old had lively eyes, It must have taken weeks to “Let me fly the hawk down things that nobody else would The man I will but they took on a new hammer that much wire out that again and I will listen to you ever be able to tell you! now fly falcons to light. fine. I wish I’d paid more atten- while it is gone.” show you how to ever gives pleas- tion to what he was saying, but “But you will only be listen- the stars, not just down to the “Nobody up at the ure willingly,” said, “and there he poured it on a little thick. I’d ing with half a mind, and the meadows and birch groves he is always the sneaking feeling have gone along with him on it rest will be with the hawk.” foot of this mountain.” But young Higgston flew the “There is no prey up there,” that the bargain may not have if only he’d have found a good been perfect. This is one of the stopping place a little sooner, and bird down through the shining said young Higgston. than things I missed. I haven’t hadn’t been so insistent on giving white clouds, and the old man “There is. Gamier prey have the hawked for sixty-five years. Let up hawking. Well, I’ll just hawk began his rigmarole sadly. Yet you ever dreamed of. Hood snaffle him.” me fly him this time, Higgston.” here till dark, and if it dawns it was a rang-dang-do of a spiel, bird and one “You how?” clear I’ll be up again in the a mummywhammy of admoni- “I’ll just fly him down know till “I an adept. I once morning. And Sunday, if I have tion and exposition, and young more time and listen to you am And intended gaunt- a little time, I may work on Higgston listened entranced and he comes back.” to make a better let for hawkers. This hasn’t been my sparker or my chestnut almost forgot his hawk. The old The hawk went down through of improved since Nimrod’s time.” roaster.” man told him that he must stride the clouds like a golden bolt “I have an idea for a better half a dozen roads at once, and summer lightning. gauntlet myself, old man.” YTIGGSTON Rainbird lived a yet never take a wrong one; that he must do some things earlier 'T'HEN the old man, taking the “Yes. I know what your idea long and successful life. Lo- is. ahead with it. It’s practical.” best as a that on the alternative had been cosmos, peeled it open layer Go cally he was known told “Fly him if you want to, old hawker and horse racer. But as done quite late; that he must by layer like an onion, and man.” an inventor he recognized point his technique at the Think young Higgston how it worked. was Machine and the Prediction Ma- Afterwards he returned ,to the And old Higgston flew the ter- as far as Boston. he cel hawk down through the is still known, in a limited chine, and at the unsolved prob- technological beginning and He gleaming clouds, and he and way, to specialists in the field lem of corporeal immortality. lined out the workings of steam young- Higgston watched from and the period: known as con- “In no other way can you real- and petro and electro-magnetism, simple the top of the world. And then tributor to the development of ly acquire elbow-room, ample and explained that these young Higgston Rainbird was the moldboard plow, as the de- working time. Time runs out and powers must be used for a short greats standing alone on the top of signer of the Nonpareil Nutmeg life is too short if you let it take interval in the invention of waves Devil’s Head Mountain, and the Grater with the safety feature, its natural course. Are you listen- er power. He told him of old man was gone. for a bellows, for a sparker for ing to me, Higgston?” and resonance and airy transmis- “I went? starting fires (little used) and But the hawk came back, sion, and fission and flight and wonder where he the And where in apple-knockers’ for the Devil’s Claw Wedge for climbing the steep air, and it over-flight. And that none of splitting logs. had a gray dove. The old man doors required keys, only a reso- heaven did he come from? Or was he ever here at all? That’s He is known for such, and for sighed at the interruption, for lute man to turn the knob and a danged funny machine he came no more. he knew that his project was in push them open. Young Higgston in, if he did come in it. All the — R. A. LAFFERTY peril. was impressed.

143 142 GALAXY RAINBIRD WALL OF SERPENTS by L. ences contains: The Molecule; Sprague de Camp and Fletcher The Proteins; The Cell; The Pratt. Thomas Bouregy & Co. Microorganism; The Body; The Species; The Mind. DECAMP AND PRATT were far and away the finest team of A DECADE OF FANTASY AND fantasy collaborators. In their SCIENCE FICTION edited by present misadventure, Shea and Robert P. Mills. Doubleday & his Faerie wife, Belphebe, become Co., Inc. involved in the land of the Fin- nish Kalevala and the Ireland of Editor Mills has selected nothing the hero, Cuchulainn. but full-cut gems from the Mc- If de Camp’s and Pratt’s heroes Comas-Boucher diamond mine. and villains alike are usually in- The novelettes: Poul Ander- effectual and usually likeable, son’s “The Sky People,” a well- their stories are always chuckle- executed, profound yet action- filled delights. crammed study of civilization’s Rating: ****y2 slow resurgence from Atomic af- termath; “Jordan,” also in Zenna THE INTELLIGENT MAN’S Henderson’s Pilgrimage; J. Fran- GUIDE TO SCIENCE by Isaac cis McComas’s “Shock Treat- Asimov. Two volumes. Basic ment,” the acid test of an en- Books, Inc. lightened penal code in the first THE SIRENS OF TITAN by hour once every fifty-five days. A murder case on a raw planetary Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. Houghton side result of his tragedy is an SCIENCE FICTION’S loss has frontier; “To Fell a Tree,” by been Mifflin Co. ability to see both past and science popularization’s Robert F. Young, an alien planet’s future. As a most peculiar step gain. Dr. Asimov’s style is emi- last 1,000 foot tree and its felling. nently VONNEGUT’S BITTER satire toward establishing peace and readable. His knack makes Better by far than any of its even difficult is reminiscent in many respects brotherhood, he engineers the concepts easily annual predecessors, (not even digestible. of Bernard Wolfe’s Limbo. Both impregnation of his wife, an im- one Ferdinand Feghoot!) this is a far his are crammed full of new ideas yet maculate patrician, by a piggish By most ambitious top collection by any standard. Project to ***** weary with old. Both have sparks wastrel. date, the set is divided Rating: into two halves, of humor that turn to ash. The plot, is tangled, intricate Physical Sciences and Biological Sciences. A weird triangle is the hub of and tortuous and the author man- The THE RIM OF SPACE by A. section the story. The husband, a brave, ufactures mystery and suspense titles convey some idea of Bertram Chandler. Thomas the wise, charming aristocrat, was de- by the deliberate use of time scope of his work: The Uni- Bouregy & Co. materialized on an exploration jump and flashback. verse; The Earth; The Atmo- sphere; into a space hazard between Yet the book, though exasper- The Elements; The Parti- CHANDLER HAS taken the de- cles; planets. He becomes a sort of ating, is a joy of inventiveness. The Waves; The Machine; sire of the Rim Worlds on the The Reactor. ghost who materializes for an Rating: ****y2 The Biological Sci- periphery of the Galactic Lens for

SHELF 145 144 galaxy * self-determination as moving PILGRIMAGE: THE BOOK OF been in doubt. Avid groups of fans THE PROJECT by Andrew and force of his book. THE PEOPLE by Zenna Hen- writers have given him a de- Sinclair. Simon & Schuster. gree of Their commerce is coverup for derson. Doubleday & Co., Inc. contemporaneity never achieved a buildup of strength. Their mer- by any other fictional THE “PROJECT” is the program character. chant fleet consists of obsolete DESCRIBED AS Zenna Hender- to develop an undescribed weap- In tubs manned by a lost legion of son’s first novel, Pilgrimage is ac- the above volume, Conan on sufficiently powerful to act as Doyle’s human retreads, themselves re- tually a compilation of stories oversight in never pen- an utter deterrent to would-be ning jects from the plush liners of In- from F&SF tied loosely together. a science-fictional adventure aggressor nations. The book for ner World commerce. “The People” are hunted and his human deduction machine delves into the character of the has All the elements of the salty haunted possessors of superhu- been righted by August Der- weapon’s prime architects and sea are in Chandler’s deep space man powers. leth, Anthony Boucher, Mack their movements and actions on the Reynolds, thriller: the grand-daddy of hurri- Each novelette expands on Gordon R. Dickson, the night preceding the final test. Poul canes, drunken brawling in a port- theme, “Different is dead.” The Anderson, H. Beam Piper It is a bitter indictment of the and side joint, burial at space, ship- protagonists involved eventually John J. McGuire. idiocy that places the means for wreck and salvage. find emancipation with The The book’s appeal is limited, utter destruction in the hands of but its special Art it may not be, but likeable Group, hidden in desert country audience will de- a few and makes it possible for a remain rive intense it certainly is. where wild talents can satisfaction. highly placed psychotic to be- **** Rating: ***y2 unobserved. Rating: come mankind’s executioner. **** Rating: Rating: ***y2 REACHING FOR THE STARS THINKING MACHINES by Irv- by Erik Bergaust. Doubleday & THE RUNAWAY WORLD by ing Adler. The John Day Co. THE OUTLAWS OF MARS by Co. Stanton A. Coblentz. Avalon Otis Adelbert Kline. Avalon Books. TO THE man in the street, the Books. WERNHER VON Braun is an word “Computer” conjures up a deter- vision of extremely controversial figure. AVALON APPEARS a vast electronic monster A GENERATION ago, back in of busily Despite his stature in our space mined to exhume the remains tended by a horde of hu- Argosy’s heyday, Kline’s serials sa- man program, many Americans have all of Coblentz’s ponderous ministrators. This was were usually divided into six never become reconciled to the tires. Number four thus disturbed largely true until the recent past parts. There could easily have presence of a former enemy and from well-earned oblivion, Run- but miniaturization and simplifi- been twice as many divisions be- self-admitted Nazi in a most sen- away World plotwise is also cation have reaped such rewards cause Kline’s heroes fluctuated sitive field. Be that as it may, he stamped from the same heavy- that room-sized and even desk- between soup and frying pan. has obviously been forgiven by duty die. sized computers are now extant. A non sequitur sequel to The the top brass and today his enor- Rating: * The layman, however, still would Swordsman of Mars, the new hero mous energy, knowledge and re- like two questions answered: travels back through space and sourcefulness are being put to THE SCIENCE-FICTIONAL What does it do and How does it time to Mars of some million use. SHERLOCK Holmes. The do it? years ago and finds a culturally Because of von Braun’s single- Council of Four. Adler’s book answers these paradoxical mighty civilization. purposefulness, the book is more questions in comparatively simple Rating (for an old-fashioned his biography. It is also THE INCOMPARABLE Sher- form for someone with * * * than just — a good fairy : tale ) never the history of modem rocketry. lock’s claim to fame has high school math background. —FLOYD C. GALE

146 GALAXY SHELF 147 The preacher wasn't what he seemed — and the already he could see the red glow so fitting (she was remarkably of Parker’s municipal Christmas domestic, when you got to know girl seemed what she wasn't — but the birds street-decoration project in the her), that he simply didn’t think southern sky. Well. If the Lord about it. But there were moments, continued to bless him, and if his like the present, when her . . . they were dangerously, terrifyingly reall next few sermons had the effect physical immediacy seemed to he hoped they’d have, he might catch him in the solar plexus. be able to change the character Then he could only stand and of Parker’s Christmas celebration. look at her and draw deep, sur- The Forthright Temple, in Los prised breaths. Att ©lit ifaslmnu^ Angeles, was a long way from It wasn’t so much his living Parker, but his broadcasts were with her, in the technical sense, receivable here, too. that troubled him. He hadn’t He went in the kitchen. Mazda even tried to feel guilty about Itrb was cooking something on the oil that. It seemed at once so ex- stove, an oil lamp burning dimly traordinary and so perfectly on the table beside her. The natural, that it wasn’t something kitchen smelled good. his conscience could get a grip By MARGARET ST. CLAIR “Hello, Clem,” she said, turn- on. No, it was Mazda’s being Illustrated by FINLAY ing to face him. She smiled at in the cabin at all that was the HE Reverend Clem Adel- servant. O Lord, grant that I him. “Did you get the berries for surprising thing. burg had come out to cut wasn’t wrong to chase away those the tea?” Where had she come from, Tsome mistletoe. He tucked darned ravens. Yes, Lord.” “Yes, dear.” He handed her the anyhow? He’d gone outside one the hatchet tightly in the band of He sighted up at the branches. three branches of mistletoe. morning early in September, his trousers and shinned up the He chopped with the hatchet. “Make it good and strong this meaning to walk up and down knobby trunk of the apple tree. Three branches of mistletoe fell time, dear. I just want to see if in the sand while he put the When he got high enough, he down on the sheets of newspaper there’s anything in my little idea.” finishing touches on his sermon saw that two ravens were seated he had previously placed at the “About mistletoe being the for next week, and there she had on the apple tree branches, eating foot of the tree. He climbed down. common element in all religions? been, sitting quietly under a the mistletoe berries. There were It was beginning to get dark. Sure.” Joshua tree. always ravens around the cabin Mazda would have supper ready. She couldn’t have been there nowadays; he chased them away There was a premonitory rumble TTE watched her as she went to for more than ten minutes. Her

indignantly, with many loud and then the sound of Silent fill the teakettle at the sink. skin, as he had come to know whooshes. Then he felt a twinge Night, played on an electric xylo- She was a tall woman, with later, was extraordinarily sensi- of remorse. phone, filled the sky. masses of puffy ginger hair and a tive to sunlight, and she was wear- “O Lord,” he prayed among The Reverend Adelburg frown- very fair skin. Her figure was ing the skimpiest Bikini imagin- the branches, his face upturned ed. The noise must be coming excellent, though rangy, and he able. She’d have been sunburned toward the dramatic cloudscape from Parker; the municipal always enjoyed watching her. all over if she’d been there for of an Arizona winter, “O Lord, Christmas tree there would be Most of the time Mazda’s being any length of time. And how had bless this little experiment of thy thirty-five feet tall this year, and in the cabin seemed so ordinary, she got there? There’d been no

148 GALAXY AN OLD FASHIONED Bl RD CHRISTMAS 149 — — sign of a car in any direction, and you come out with your sermon, f Phrases like “star in the dark- on the cheek and then—she had he hadn’t even heard the noise of Clem?” she asked. ness,” “the silent night of Bethle- seductive shoulders, despite her a plane or a copter in the sky. “Eh? Oh, splendidly. The end- hem,” “pagan glitter,” “corrup- ranginess—on the upper arm. Had she walked over from Par- ing, I really think, will have an tion,” “perversion,” “true values,” “Mmmmmmmm,” Mazda said. ker? In a Bikini? Five miles? effect. There are some striking “an old-time America,” “myrrh,” When he had gone into the

| He knew so little about her passages. The ravens were quite “frankincense” and “1776,” pantry to wash, she looked after no more now, really, than he had impressed.” He smiled at his little seemed to shimmer in the air him slantingly. Her caramel- known on that first day when she joke. between them. Mazda listened, colored eyebrows drew together had said, “Hi,” and gone in the “Ravens?” She turned to face nodding from time to time or in a frown. She had already house. It wasn’t that she was him. “Were there ravens outside prodding the potatoes in the scalded out the teapot. Now she close-mouthed or sullen. She just when you were rehearsing your saucepan with a two-tined kitch- reached into the drawer of the didn’t talk about herself. Once speech?” en fork. kitchen table and drew out a only, when he had been elaborat- “Yes, indeed. We have ravens handful of what looked like small ing his idea that the use of mistle- all the time here now. There were A T last he appeared to have mushrooms. They were, as a toe might be the common element even ravens in the apple tree finished. Mazda nodded for matter of fact, mescal buttons, behind all religion, had she come when I was cutting the mistletoe.” the last time;. “Um-hum,” she and she had gathered them last .” out with anything that might be Her eyes widened. “Oh . . said. “But you know what I think, week from the top of a plant of a personal remark. He’d spoken she said thoughtfully. Clem? I think you just don’t like Lophophora Williamsii herself. of the use of mistletoe in classical “I fear I chased them away a lights. When it’s dark, you want paganism, in' druidism, in Chris- little too vehemently,” he said, it to be dark. It’s reasonable II tian festival, in the old Norse reli- becoming serious. “Ravens, after enough—you’re a different guy gion, in Zoroastrism all, are the Lord’s creatures too.” once the sun goes down.” CHE cut them up neatly with a Her lower lip had begun to “Not those ravens,” Mazda said. “I don’t like the false lights of ^ paring knife and dropped protrude defiantly. “There’s no There was a very brief pause. modernity,” the Reverend said them into the teapot. She put mistletoe in Zoroastrism,” she had Mazda fingered the wooden with a touch of stiffness. “As I the mistletoe berries in on top of cut in sharply. “I know.” bracelet on her left wrist. Then intend to make abundantly clear the mescal buttons. Then she Well? It wasn’t much for the she said, “Listen, Clem, I know in my sermon tomorrow.” filled the teapot with boiling fruit of more than three months. you’ve talked about it, but I “Um-hum. You’re a wonderful water. When the Reverend got He couldn’t help wondering guess I’m just dumb. Why are talker. I never thought I’d get back from his washing, the teapot about Mazda sometimes, though you so down on modern Christ- fond of somebody who didn’t was steaming domestically on the he didn’t want to fail in Christian mases, anyway?” like light.” table beside the string beans. charity. But he knew he had his “My dear, if you’d ever attend — “I like some kinds of light,” He said grace and poured him- enemies. Could she possibly be a the Temple services ” the Rev- said the Reverend Adelburg. “I self a cup of the tea. “Goodness, Retail Merchants Association erend Adelburg said in gentle re- like fires.” but it’s bitter,” he observed, sip-

spy? proof. “But I’ll try to make my Mazda drew a deep breath. ping. “Not at all like it was the point of view, which I humbly “You’d better wash up before first time. What a difference put- t| ''HE teakettle was beginning to trust is also the Lord’s point of supper, Clem,” she said. “You’ve ting in more mistletoe has made!” hum. Mazda gave the pot of view, clear to you.” He began to got rosin on you from the apple Mazda looked down. She string beans on the stove a stir talk. tree.” passed him the sugar bowl. He with a wooden spoon. “How did He was an excellent talker. “All right, dear.” He kissed her sweetened the tea lavishly. “You

150 GALAXY AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 151 haven’t set a cup for yourself, Mazda,” he said. He picked up state of intense wakefulness that Reverend Adelburg was gone, of dear,” he said, suddenly solicitous. one of them from her lap, where succeeds to the drug trance. By course. And there wasn’t a raven “There isn’t much tea. You it was languidly lying, and turned the time the copter came from in sight. said to make it strong.” it about admiringly. “Your fingers Los Angeles to take him to the “Yes, honey, but if there’s any remind me of the verse in — the Temple, a little after eight, he /"\VER in Los Angeles, the Rev- good in the tea, I want you to Canticles ‘Fair are my love’s had bathed, shaved and dressed, erend’s sermon was going share it. Get cup.” palms as an eel that another feedeth and was reading over his sermon swimmingly. From his first words, He looked across the table at among lilies. And the coals thereof notes. which had been the arresting her, brightly and affectionately. hath a most vehement flame.’ He went into the bedroom sentence, “The lights are going There a faint flush in They’re even like was Mazda’s colored eels, where Mazda was lying to bid out again all over the world,” he cheeks as she obeyed. purple and gold and silver. Your her good-by. (Sometime during had riveted the attention of his Supper over nails are little dark rainbows. was and Mazda The the night they had managed to listeners as if with stainless steel was washing the dishes when the Lord bless you, Mazda. I love get to bed.) He bent over and rivets. Even the two troops of Reverend Clem said suddenly, you very much.” kissed her tenderly on her loos- Archer Eagle Scouts in the front “How fast you’re moving, Mazda! He put his arm around her. ened mouth. “Good-by, dear. Our rows, who, with their scoutmaster I never like She let her decline saw anything the head on his little experiment certainly had Joe Buell, were today’s Honor you’re shoulder, way getting through those and they both leaned results, didn’t it? But I feel no Guests, had been so fascinated dishes. I can hardly see back against the wall. “Are your you ill after-effect, and I trust that that they had stopped twanging hands, they’re so fast.” happy, dear?” he asked an- moving her you will not, either. I’ll be back their bowstrings. The Reverend “Fast?” Mazda echoed. She xiously. “As happy as I am? Do about eleven tonight.” had swung thunderously from sounded bewildered. She held up you have a dim sweet bird sense Once more he kissed her. climax to climax; by now at least of blessings a spoon and polished its bowl hovering over you?” Mazda made a desperate effort half his audience had resolved to languidly in light of oil “Um-hum,” Mazda answered. the the to rouse herself from the rose disconnect its radio when it got lamp. “Why, I’m not moving fast. It was obviously difficult for her and opal-hued heaven she was home, and throw away the electric I’ve been standing here the to talk. “Never felt better.” by A currently floating in. She licked lights on its Christmas tree. Now sink for hours and hours, wash- grin zig-zagged across her face. .” her lips. “Clem . . she said. the Reverend was approaching ing one dish. I don’t know what’s “Mu's’ be the mistletoe.” “Yes, dear?” the climax of climaxes. the matter with me. I wish I “Be careful.” “In the sweet night of the spirit, could move fast.” rT'HE effects of peyote mescal — “Certainly, dear. I always am. bless us, O Lord! Yes, Lord, it’s There was a silence. Mazda button—intoxication are pre- Yes.” good to be dark—in the sweet had finished the dishes. She took dictable. They run a definite He patted her on the shoulder. silence of the stable let the little off her apron sat and down on course. None the less, the re- He went out. Even in her para- flame of—bless us, Lord!—let the the floor, her feet out straight in sponse drug is always to a some- dise, which was at the moment little flame—My Gosh! Good front of her. Almost immediately what idiosyncratic. Thus it was blue and silver, she could hear Lord!” the slid off Reverend Adelburg that the Reverend Clem Adel- the noise of the copter as it bore Forthright Temple is venti- the chair where he had been sit- burg, who had drunk enough him away. lated, and partly lighted, by a ting, and flopped down on the peyote infusion to keep a cart Mazda’s drug dreams came to clerestory in the middle part of floor parallel to her. Both their horse seeing beatific visions for an end with a bump about twelve the building. Through this clere- legs were stretched out. twenty-four hours, reached, about o’clock. She sprang out of bed story eight large black birds flew “What lovely hands you have, six o’clock in the morning, the and ran to the window. The rapidly.

152 GALAXY AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 153 —

Two of them headed straight ruffled pages and some arrows on “What company is that?” the until late February. People just for the Reverend Adelburg’s the floor. Reverend asked with innocent didn’t use much electricity. The eyes. Four of them attacked the For a few moments the scouts curiosity. He yawned. They had Company didn’t pay any divi- Temple’s not very bright electric scurried about collecting arrows. been sitting in the tiny living dends at all on its common stock, lights. The other two made dive Then the Reverend Adelburg room, arguing, for hours, ever and if the same thing happens after dive on the helpless con- summoned them up to the lec- since he got back from the this year, they’ll have to skip -pay- gregation’s head. tern, where he was standing. He Temple, and by now it was nearly ments on the preferred! That’s Women were screaming. Hand- finished his sermon with a troop two o’clock in the morning. why I was sent to stop you at kerchiefs waved. Hymnbooks of Archer Scouts drawn up on “The PE&G. Why? Did you all costs.” rocked and fluttered through the either side of him, like a body ever suspect?” “How were you supposed to air. The organist burst into a guard. “I thought perhaps the Retail stop me?” the Reverend inquired. Bach chorale. The bewildered “That was a wonderful sermon, Merchants Association sent you. He put the tips of his outstretched choir began singing different wasn’t it,” said the lady from two Iowa I never understood how you hap- fingers together thoughtfully. songs. as she and her husband walked pened to be sitting under that “I was supposed to seduce you, When the ravens had first toward their parked car. “I never Joshua tree.” and then call the broadcasters in. swooped down upon him, the heard anything like it before. He Mazda laughed scornfully. You know, moral turpitude. But Reverend Adelburg had dived really spoke better after the birds “The Retail Merchants? Those I convinced them that it wouldn’t under the lectern. From thence came in than he did earlier . . . boffs? Why, I don’t suppose they work. Congregations aren’t so he was a man who was used to I think tomorrow I’ll go down have more than three secret touchy about things like that authority he began shouting town and see if I can get some — agents in the whole Los Angeles nowadays. It wouldn’t have orders little to the troops of Archer oil lamps to burn in the metropolitan area. They couldn’t worked.” Eagle Scouts in a clarion, patio.” sten- stop a baby from crossing a street “Mazda, how could you?” torian voice. “Wonder what sort of birds on a kiddy car. Their idea of hot “Young men! Listen! Shoot at those were,” her husband said tactics is to hire a big newspaper 66T don’t know how I could,” the birds! Shoot at the idly. “They were mighty big for — — ad. Mazda replied with spirit. birds!” crows.” “No, I’m a PE&G girl. I’ve been “I could have had a nice clean- There was a very slight hiatus. “Crows! Why, they were one of their top people for years. cut electronics engineer ... or Then bowstrings began to twang ravens; haven’t you ever seen pic- That’s why I know what you’re one of those cute linemen up on and arrows to thud. tures of ravens? I wonder what up against.” a pole . . . and then I had to fall Eight pagan ravens are no made them go in the Temple. She took an earnest step to- for a Reverend with his collar on match at all for the legitimate Ravens always seem such old- ward him. “Clem, I don’t think backwards. Somebody ought to weapons of two troops of Archer fashioned birds.” you have any idea of how serious examine my head.” Eagle Scouts. The ravens dived this is,” she said. “But they’ll stop The Reverend Adelburg let valiantly, they cawed and shriek- Ill at nothing. They can’t possibly this pass without comment. “What ed. In vain. Inside five minutes let you get away with it. Why, was the alternate plan?” he after the shooting betrayed started, there 46T my Company for last December after your old- asked. remained no trace of the birds’ you,” Mazda said. hic- She fashioned Christmas sermons, “I promised them I’d keep you incursus except a black tail with coughed emotion. “I’m a rat. power consumption was off 27% from delivering any more old- feather floating in an updraft, As far as that goes, you’re a rat all along the whole Pacific slope, fashioned Christmas sermons. eight or ten hymnbooks with too. We’re both rats.” and it didn’t get back to normal That’s what the peyote was for.”

154 GALAXY AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 155 a ”

pany, like I was, you hear all the Joshua tree. They were going “Peyote? When?” as the ravens are sure I ratted sorts of stories about it—for in- to take me back to headquarters She told him. on them. And there’s just no — stance, that it’s responsible for by air raft. If it “Oh. Then it wasn’t the mistle- place in the world today for any- maintaining the difference in po- toe,” he said when she had finish- body who’s in conflict with the tential between the 64TS that how you got here in PE&G. earth and the ed. He sounded rather annoyed. -* ionosphere, or that the weather the first place?” the Rever- “No, it wasn’t the mistletoe. “I wish I hadn’t been such a on Venus is a minor Nous pro- end inquired. “By air raft?” But I guess I didn’t give you dope as to fall in love with you.” ject — stuff like that. I’ve even “Yes. As I was saying, if I’d enough peyote. You delivered heard agents say that Nous is G done that, the Company would the sermon anyway. rT'HE Reverend Clem Adelburg —but I don’t believe that. I know have accepted that my failure “Clem, you think that because got up from the chair where about Mithras, myself.” with the peyote was just a mis- the ravens made that silly attack he had been sitting and put his “I thought the PE&G made its take. But I didn’t do it. I couldn’t on you in the Temple, that that’s arm around her. “Cheer up, my own power,” said the Reverend. bear to leave a chump like you the sort of thing the Company dear,” he told her solemnly. “We He was still struggling with the all alone to face the Company, has up its sleeve. It’s not. The will defeat the company. Right first part of Mazda’s remarks. and by now they must be begin- ravens were acting on their own is on our side.” Mazda laughed. “I don’t mean ning to realize that I’ve ratted responsibility, and they’re not Mazda gave a heroic sniffle. any disrespect to the Company, on them. It won’t be very long awfully bright birds. The Com- She smiled at him mistily. “It’s but what makes you think that? before the real trouble begins. pany can do lots better than that not just the PE&G, of course,” The Company’s a bad opponent, “Now, listen. There are two when they want to.” she said. “Sometimes I think they but outside of that, witchcraft, things you can do. The best one “What do you think they’ll try have agents everywhere.” or sorcery, or ravens, is all they’re would be for you to go outside next?” the Reverend inquired. His “Not the PE&G?” the Reverend capable of. and talk to the ravens. If you jaw had begun to jut out. cried. He let his arm fall from “All the really hot develop- promise them on your word of “Well, they might try to get around her. He had a sudden ments in power, the electronic honor as a Christian gentlemen you for moral turpitude after all, nightmare vision of a whole stuff, comes from after 3,000 A.D. that you won’t deliver any more or stick an income tax evasion world united against him— Nobody in the present has brains anti-light sermons—I can’t see charge on you or accuse you of world in which the clouds sema- enough to work out a germanium why you don’t like light, anyhow; dope smuggling. I don’t think phored secrets about him to the transistor, for example. Nous light’s wonderful—if you promise they will. They don’t want to dolphins in the Pacific waves. helps them. People nowadays are them that, they’ll let you go.” She give you any more publicity. I “What is it, then?” dopes. They can’t work buttons paused hopefully. think they’ll just quietly try to “Why, it’s Nous.” on pants, or open a package of The Reverend gave her a look. wipe you out.” “I never heard of it.” chewing gum unless there’s a “Well,” said Mazda. “Then For a moment Mazda’s self “Very few people have. But paper ribbon to help them. we’ll have to make a break for command deserted her. She Nous, Infinite, is the company “That’s beside the point, really. it. wrung her hands. “What’m I to from which the PE&G gets its The thing I’m trying to make “While you were in the wash- cfo?” she whimpered. “I’ve got to power. clear, Clem, is that Nous is a bad room, I called the Temple copter.” save you, and you’re as stubborn “Nous is a very strange outfit. outfit to come up against. She indicated the short-wave as a mule. I don’t know any It operates on the far side of 3,000 “I was supposed to go outside radio on the other side of the magic—or at least not nearly A.D., and selling power is only at one-thirty this morning and little stone fireplace. “It’ll be here enough magic. The whole Com- one of the things it does. When have the ravens pick me up under any minute. I think—well, we’ll pany will be against me as soon you’re a top agent for the Corn-

AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 157 156 GALAXY “ try to get through,” she said with- moment the room was utterly and the hearth. It was very detached itself. ’Llo, Mazda,” a

, bright, out much hope. quiet. Then there was a soft flurry and accompanied by a harsh voice said. The Reverend looked at her in and plop at the window. sizzling noise. A second later a “Hello,” she replied. There was silence for a moment. Fatigue sharp chlorine-like had The ravens, after all, were not smell filled a glitter of beady eyes in the made shadows under the air. her eyes, deaf. They too had heard the darkness around her. “Listen here, but they only made her look Reverend’s prayers. Mazda’s artificial lightning died you birds,” Mazda said slowly, glamorous and desirable. She had Mazda spun round toward the away. The room returned to its “we’ve always been on good

never been ' more beautiful. She sound. Before she could decide normal dim illumination. A faint terms, haven’t we? We’ve always had betrayed her company for what to do, there was curl of smoke floated above the got on together well. Are a series of [ you him; he loved her more than ever. pieces of broken glass tinkles from the chimney. It on the really trying to do me and my He gave her a hug. ended in a glassy crash. Some- hearth of the fireplace. There was boy friend in?” “Nix, my dear,” he said. “Nix.” thing had broken on the stone no doubt that Mazda had puri- A bird cleared its throat. There “N-n-n-n-?” hearth. fied the germ culture effectively. was a noise of talons being shifted “Nix. Never.” His voice rang Mazda screamed. But the Reverend Clem Adel- uneasily. “Well ... no, Mazda. out, booming and resonant. “Run “Keep back!” she yelled at the burg was stretched out on the We like you too,” somebody said. away from those devils and their Reverend, who had turned from floor flat on his back. “Oh, yes? Is that why you ravens? Flee from those pagan the radio and was leaning for- dropped the parrot-fever bomb? night-lighters? Never! I will not.” ward interestedly. “Keep back! 1%/fAZDA ran to him. She tore Were you going to drop a dead He advanced toward the radio. Don’t breathe! Damn those birds!” open his white shirt front and parrot down the chimney and “What are you going to do?” She was fumbling wildly with laid her head on his chest. His make it look as if we’d died a Mazda squeaked. the wooden bracelet on her left heart was still beating, and his natural death? I wouldn’t call “I’m going to contact the TVA,” wrist. hands and feet were warm. But that bomb exactly a friendly he said without turning. “You ‘What is it?” he asked. He he was completely out—outer thing.” have to fight fire with fire.” advanced a step toward the shards than any of the neon lights he “The bomb was just a warn- “Public power?” Mazda breath- of glass on the hearth. had been trying to put out. ing,” said the harsh voice that had ed. Her face was white. “Get back. It’s a germ culture Mazda got up, rubbing her spoken first. “We knew you’d “Public power! Their line will bomb. Parrot fever. I’m going to hands. She couldn’t move him, purify it. We have confidence in be open all night.” purify it. Stand back!” and she didn’t know what she you. We don’t want to do you He turned his face toward the The Reverend Adelburg dis- ought to do for him. She hoped any harm personally. You can rafters. “O Lord,” he boomed counted most of this warning as he’d be all right. She knew he always get another boy friend.” reverently, “bless this radio mes- due to feminine hysteria. He had a strong constitution. She “I want this one.” sage. Please, Lord, grant that in drew back a fraction of an inch, went into the kitchen and got a “You’ve had better ones.” contacting a radical outfit like the but still remained leaning for- towel. “Yes, I know. But this is the I’m TVA doing aright.” ward. his eyes fixed on the glass. She came back with it and one I want.” Mazda gave a moan of despera- tied it to the poker. Carrying There was a silence. Then a IV tion. “I’ve got to do it!” she yelled. this home-made flag of truce in bird said, “We’re sorry, Mazda. She slid her bracelet toward her front of her, she opened the door We only do what we’re sent out hthe noise of prayer died away elbow and gave it a violent twist. and went out into the night. to do.” in the ceiling. He pressed a A strictly vertical flash of light- It was a dark night. From under Mazda drew a sharp breath. key and turned a switch. For a ning appeared between the ceiling the Joshua tree a darker shadow “Hell’s Canyon,” she said deliber-

158 GALAXY AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 159 ately. “Rural electrification coop- yesterday, and began burning eratives. Public power." them under the Reverend’s nose. At seven minutes to three the HERE was a sound as of some- Reverend’s eyelids fluttered and copter T body’s tail feathers being the noise of a was heard plucked distractedly. “Mazda, I in the sky. Mazda listened with wish you wouldn’t,” said the strained attention, her eyes fixed chief raven in a wincing voice. on her consort. She longed to but she “I will, though. I’ll get in touch run to the window, was with the public power people. I afraid of alerting the ravens. She wait. don’t care about the ethics of it. could only appeared to I’m in love.” The copter be “Haw!” the raven jeered having difficulties. The whoosh of pitch, the motor harshly. It seemed to have re- its helix changed coughed. Once the gained its aplomb. “That light- stuttered and recede; ning flash of yours burned out noise seemed to Mazda plane going every tube in the radio. You was afraid the was fingered her couldn’t send a message to Parker away entirely. She bracelet nervously. to ask for a stick of chewing gum. wooden blast You’re through. But the copter returned. It landed almost a “We’ll give you half an hour. with a thump that was During any of that time you can crash. door opened and come out unhurt. But after that The copter jumped out. There was you’re in for it too. This time somebody squawks, caws and we’re serious.” a sound of vigorous male ‘What are you going to do?” rapid fluttering. A said, “Ouch! Ouch! Birds! Mazda cried. voice hell!” More “You’ll find out.” What the bloody Then sandaled feet Mazda went back to the house. fluttering. along the path. The clock on the mantlepiece thudded rapidly pounded at the door. read twenty minutes to three. Somebody The ravens would probably give ran to open it. The her a few minutes’ grace, so she AZDA M man who stumbled across had until ten or twelve minutes a dark, stocky after the hour. Mazda knelt down the threshold was duck by her consort and began to chafe Indian who wore white and carried his hands. When that didn’t help, pants and red glasses, across his she ran to the kitchen, got a a three-foot bow slung from handful of red feathers from the back. He was bleeding freely chicken they had had for lunch half a dozen peck marks on his

160 GALAXY shoulders and breast. “Lord Halonawa now. There’s a red and Mithras,” blinked her eyes and shook her motor gave a cough and started. Mazda said prayerfully, purple neon sign twenty feet high head defiantly. “He hurt his head Mazda was trembling with excite- “it’s Joe Buell! Joe!” over the plaza. It reads, “Welcome “Mazda! when he fell, that’s all. He’ll be ment, but she followed Joe’s in- Why didn’t you show to Halonawa, Home of the Shal- a light? all right later. He’s got to be all structions. Slowly the copter rose. What are you doing here? ako.’ After that I joined up with right. And he may really be easier She had put on the red glasses What is all this?” the Rev. A nice dark Christmas to handle this way than if he before they left the house. As her Mazda told him. Joe listened seems a wizard idea.” intently, wasn’t goofed. He’s a stubborn eyes grew used to the darkness, frowning more and He plainly didn’t want to pur- man.” she made out the glimmer of the more. “My word, what a mess,” sue the subject further. Mazda he said Joe had gone over to the table river in front of her and the flat when she had finished. He said, “If the Reverend revives in and was putting out the lamp. He surface of Parker dam. She pushed his red glasses up on his time, what’ll we do?” I handed his red glasses to Mazda. wanted to go west, toward Los nose. “Has the Reverend come to “Can you pilot a copter?” “Makes piloting easier,” he said. Angeles. The copter climbed a yet?” “I can drive a car.” Then he opened the window on little. She tried to turn. They turned around. Clem’s “A copter’s really easier.” He the left and swung himself out of Wings whizzed by her. Mazda eyes were open, but he was still gave her directions. “The motor’s it. He gave a high, passionate grinned. She twisted the blast lying on the floor. As they missing a little, but I don’t think battle cry. There was a rush of bracelet on her wrist. The tiny watched, he slowly closed his eyes you’ll have any trouble. Orient feathers and some frenzied receptor within it vibrated. There again. “I guess he’s not ready yet,” yourself by Parker and the dam. squawking. Joe’s bow began to was a flash of light, and the bird Mazda said. The dam’s just north of us. twang. plummeted to the ground. She looked at the clock. It “If the Rev comes to in time, Mazda grabbed the Reverend When it hit the sand there was showed two minutes to three. make a break for it with him in by the hand. “Nice Christmas,” a faint concussion. The floor of “Let’s get him up and walk him,” the plane. I’ll create a diversion she hissed. “Come along.” Bent the copter shuddered. After a she said harriedly. “It might by climbing out the window and forward, one arm raised to shield second the smell of almond ex- help him to get back to normal. shooting at those bloody birds. I her eyes, she pulled him after her tract tinged the air. Oh, Mithras, how late it is!” owe them some arrows, at that.” at a run toward the door. The bird had been carrying a The Reverend Adelburg was “I wish I knew what they had The night had grown darker. cyanide bomb. limp and slippery, but they man- in mind,” Mazda said. The sky was heavily overcast. Mazda sent the copter a little aged to get him to his feet. As None the less, she could make out higher. Her mind was a kaleido- they guided his rubbery footsteps V the improbable shape of the scope of tumbling fears. The about the room, Mazda said, “I copter. “Hurry!” she said to Clem possibility of more bombs, of ex- haven’t seen you since you were A T five minutes after three the Adelburg. “Run!” plosive bombs, of a kamekazi in Canada, Joe. Those nights in Reverend’s willow-withy body Wings buffeted around her. attack on the copter’s propeller, Saskatchewan! I didn’t know you stiffened. His eyes opened. He Claws struck at her face, her played leap-frog in her brain. And were one of the Reverend’s men.” raised his head and looked about cheeks, her hair. The Reverend what about Joe? Dear Joe, he’d “Since 1965,” Joe answered him. “What a lovely day,” he said Adelburg gave a cry of pain; been wonderful in Saskatchewan. briefly. in a pleasant, conversational Mazda had to use her free arm Had they got him yet? “How come? I thought you voice. to wipe her own blood from her She looked back anxiously at danced Shalako at the pueblo one Mazda’s face puckered. For a eyes. Then they were in the copter the cabin. Joe had vaulted up year.” moment she seemed about to and the door was slammed. on the roof and was standing “I did. But you should see burst into wild tears. Then she She turned the switch. The with one foot planted on either 162 GALAXY AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 163 — ”

side of the ridge pole, like Zuni a how enigmatic power that oper- mouthed, saw that the copter ceil- on her arm, inhaled, and swal- Heracles. The thick clouds be- ated from the far side of 3,000 ing was beginning to bulge. lowed. “Alameda, Alpine, Ama- hind him had begun to be tinged if A.D. ... Nous had decided to The downpour—the cataract dor, Butte,” she said carefully. with light from the rising stretch its moon; out arm against her stopped as suddenly as it had Nothing happened. She cleared she could see that though his bow and Clem, there wasn’t a chance begun. There was a minute of her throat and began again, a was ready and he had an arrow in the world that she and the dazed silence in the cabin. Then couple of notes lower. “Alameda, drawn nearly back to his ear he Reverend would continue to live. Mazda, pushing hard against the Alpine, Amador, Butte.” There wasn’t shooting. His eyes were There was another prodigious door in the warped copter body, was a faint click. “Calaveras, fixed intently on the sky. lightning flash. The desert, the got it open and scrambled out. Colusa, Contra Costa, Del Norte, She followed the direction of aqueduct, a line of power poles, a Fresno— his gaze. Very high up, so high small square building, burned T^HE copter was deep in the The door swung wide. Mazda’s that they looked no bigger than themselves on Mazda’s eyes. sand. One blade of the pro- enumeration of the counties of crows, seven of the big black When darkness came back the peller had been broken off en- California had worked. She took birds were flapping rapidly north- Reverend, who had been sitting tirely. The other hung limply the Reverend by the hand and ward in single file. quite calmly and quietly beside parallel to the shaft. led him through the opening. Mazda all this time, stirred. Mazda stood shivering. She “Stanislaus, Sutter, Tulare, Tuo- f^OR the next five minutes or so “Wonderful fireworks,” he said took off her red glasses absently lomne, Ventura, Yuba, Yolo,” she nothing at all happened. The approvingly. and dropped them on the sand. said. The door closed. Mazda’s rolled. copter plodded steadily westward eyes “Clem, The sky had cleared. The moon It was much darker inside the baby,” she said despairingly, toward Los Angeles, down low, was almost up. She reached in- substation than it had been out- “what’ll I do?” looked along the line of the aqueduct. She around side the cabin and caught Clem side on the white desert, and the as if hunting an answer. This apparent quiescence on the Then Adelburg by the wrist. “C’mon,” air was filled with a high hum- part of her opponents unnerved the bottom of the heavens she said. She had seen a building, ming that sounded, and actually Mazda more than a direct attack dropped out. just before the cloudburst. They was exceedingly dangerous. heaviest precipitation re- would have done. She couldn’t The might be able to take cover in Mazda put her arm around Clem’s in cloudburst believe that the PE&G would let corded to date a is that. shoulders. “Don’t move, baby,” her and Clem escape so easily. two and a half inches in three She struggled over the sand she said pleadingly. “Don’t touch fell on Suddenly along the sky in front minutes. What the copter with the Reverend following anything. Stay close to Mazda of her there passed a vast flash now was heavier. Inside of two docilely at her heels. The build- and be quiet.” of light. For an instant the desert seconds after the avalanche of ing, once reached, turned out to The Reverend coughed. “Cer- was as bright and white as day. water had begun to pour from be a Company substation, and tainly, my dear,” he said in quite the the copter flat Then the darkness closed down sky was down Mazda felt a touch of hope. She a normal voice, “but would you again and thunder crashed. on the ground, as if it had been could get in, despite the Danger mind telling me where we are? Mazda’s hands shook on the pushed into the sand by a giant and No admittance signs, and the And what has been happening?” controls. The storm that was com- hand. ravens might be deterred, even if

ing up might, of course, be merely The noise inside the cabin was only slightly, by their respect for ly/fAZDA went as limp as if she a storm. Or it might have been deafening. It was like being a Company property. had been coshed on the head. sent by the Company. But if dried pea shaken within a drum. The substation door would She clung to him and babbled Nous . . . but if Nous . . . but if It beat along the body like ham- open to a verbal signal. Mazda with relief, while the Reverend Nous, that enormous and some- mers. Mazda, looking up open- twisted her blast bracelet twice stroked her soothingly on the hair

164 GALAXY AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 165 not be transported to the PE&G’s Mazda were looking upward and tried to make sense out of the Company to send them out cellars. Bless us, O Lord. Preserve frozenly, mouths open, necks out- her babbling. but once before. Those lumps on us. And help us to make thine stretched. Then a gigantic hand “Yes, my dear,” he said when their backs are portable nous pro- old-fashioned Christmas a living reached in through the hole in the she had finally finished. “Do you jectors. They’re trying to tele- reality. Amen, O Lord. Amen!” roof. A gigantic voice, even bigger hear a noise outside?” port us.” Mazda, too, was praying. Hands than the hand, said in enormous “What sort of a noise?” “Teleport us? Where to?” clasped over her diaphragm, head and somehow Oxonian accents, “A sort of whoosh.” “To—to the Company’s cellars. bowed, lips moving silently, she “Very well. Take your old-fash- Mazda drew in her breath. Where—they attend to people besought her bright divinity. ioned Christmas, then.” “Shin up to the window and look who believe in public power. “Mithras, lord of the morning, out,” she ordered. “Look out espe- They—oh—I can’t talk about it, slayer of the bull of darkness, TT was just before sunrise on cially for birds.” Clem.” preserve my love and me. Mith- ^December 21st. The Christians, He was at the high, narrow She crouched down at his feet ras, lord!” who would be strangled at dawn window only an instant before and picked up a bobby pin. “Don’t Prayer is a force. So is magic. the next day and then burned in he let himself down. “There was move,” she said without looking So is the energy from nous pro- honor of the solstice, were gib- only one raven,” he reported, up. “Try not to think.” jectors. These varying forces met bering away in their wicker cages. “but there were a number of and collided in mid air. There were three cages full of birds like hawks, with short CJHE began to scratch a diagram The collision made a sort of them. Great progress was being wings. There seemed to be humps ^around him on the floor with vortex, a small but uncomfortable made in stamping out the new on their backs.” the pin. He coughed. “Don’t knot in the vast, conscious field heresy. The Christians would Even in the poor light of the cough,” she cautioned him. “It potential that is the Infinite part make a fine bright blaze. substation Mazda visibly turned might be better to hold your of Nous. There was momently an The druid looked up at the green. “Goshawks!” she gasped. breath.” intense, horrible sense of pressure cages, which were hanging from Then she began taking off her The Reverend’s lungs were and tension in the very air. The the boughs of three enormous oak clothes. aching before she got the diagram substation hummed ominously. trees, and nodded with satisfac- Dress, slip, panties went on the done. She eyed it a moment and Then, with a burst of energy that tion. His consort, Mahurzda, floor. She stood on one foot and then spat carefully at four points blew out every generator from would find it a hard job strangling removed her sandals alternately. within the hexagram. A faint Tacoma to San Diego, the roof so many pedple. He’d have to She began going through her hair bluish glow sprang up along the came off. help her. It would be a pleasant and pulling out bobby pins. She lines she had traced on the floor. (The PE&G crews worked task. took off her blast bracelet and Mazda rose to her feet. “It’ll overtime on the repairs, but there Once more he nodded. He added it to the heap. hold them for a few minutes,” she were too many wrecked genera- tested the edge of the sickle he .” “What are you doing that for?” said. “After that . . tors. All along the Pacific slope, was carrying. Then the druid who the Reverend inquired. It seemed The Reverend raised his eyes and as far inland as Provo, Utah, had been—would be—would will to him a singularly ill-chosen to the rafters. “I’m going to pray,” it was as dark a Christmas as have been—the Reverend Clem time. he announced. He filled his lungs. even the Reverend would have Adelburg hoisted up his long “I’m trying to set up a counter- “O Lord,” he boomed power- wished.) white robe and clambered up in charm, and I have to be naked fully, “we beg thy blessing to There was a pause. The noise the nearest of the oak trees to to do it.” Her voice was wobbling preserve me and Mazda from the of breaking timbers died away. cut the sacred mistletoe. badly. “Those birds—those birds power of the ravens. We beg thy The Reverend Adelburg and — MARGARET ST. CLAIR are goshawks. I’ve never known blessing to help us stay here and

AN OLD FASHIONED BIRD CHRISTMAS 167 166 GALAXY ULES VERNE’S 20,000 source of power. In none of these Leagues under the Sea was technical situation did Verne J published in 1869. Since take advantage of knowledge then we have heard a great deal readily available to him at the

about the excellence of the sci- time. It is as if he sat in his chair ence, speculation and prediction and dashed off his concepts with- it contains. People seem to feel out bothering to get up and check that Verne’s sound scientific spec- facts that must have been in ulation makes the novel good books in the same room with him. science fiction, even though they He spun his yarn from the mate- may not care much for it as a rial in his head. And there you straight story. have a clue to the real value of But these days the waters are the novel. full of SCUBA divers. (The word Verne was a mighty story-tel- “SCUBA,” as most people are be- ler. His science was bad, his ginning to know, is made by tak- speculation absurd, and even his ing the first letter in each word of plot and his characters might be the phrase “Self-Contained Un- poor. No matter. Put them all to- derwater Breathing Apparatus.”) gether with the magic of Verne’s SCUBA divers carry their own air story-telling ability, and some- down into water as deep as three thing flames up. A story emerges

hundred feet in lakes, oceans, that sweeps incredulity before it. streams, rivers, bays, quarries and caves all over the world. There is TT is a very difficult thing to a rash of books on the subject, read this novel in a hostile and many SCUBA divers are frame of mind, looking for the THE WATEEY WONDEES fairly well-versed in the history of blunders, noting all the scientific man’s descent beneath the water. misinformation. For one thing, OF CAPTAIN NEMO When a SCUBA diver takes a Verne uses a nifty device for pre- critical look at 20,000 Leagues senting much of the so-called under the Sea, a new interpreta- scientific data in the novel. He By THEODORE L. THOMAS tion of the novel emerges. will have one of the characters, The novel isn’t at all what liter- say the narrator, Professor Aron- This isn't fiction. ary critics have said it is. nax, poised on the brink of some It concerns the legends all of us have heard about The diving gear and the diving exciting event, and then he will the uncanny predictions of J. Verne, Esq. scenes are technically pretty bad, ladle in the scientific nonsense. behind the times even for 1869. In this posture of the story, who Most of them are! The submarine Nautilus itself is stops to think about science? out of date for 1869, with the sole Verne can get away with almost exception that electricity is the anything, and he does.

THE WATERY WONDERS OF CAPTAIN NEMO 169 The power of Verne’s story- novel are those which describe the Nemo says, when he first de- the bottom of the sea, was obliged telling ability shows up in another activities of the characters as they scribes the diving apparatus to to shut my head, like that of a odd way. After reading the novel, roam on the bottom of the sea in Professor Aronnax, “It is to use diver, in a ball of copper.” This people remember things from it their SCUBA gear. Verne was not the Rouquayrol apparatus, in- was nothing new, either. The that are not there. The impres- concerned with many of the dan- vented by two of your own coun- closed-helmet diving dress had sion that the novel contains valid gers guarded against by modern trymen, which I have brought to been in steady use since its inven- scientific prediction seems to SCUBA divers, things like air em- perfection for my own use.” The tion by Augustus Siebe in 1840 grow as the years roll by. Re- bolism, nitrogen narcosis and the two “countrymen” are Rouquay- ... a diving dress so good that cently, a United States Patent bends. That’s all right. Diving was rol, a mining engineer, and Den- nothing more than refinements

Office official received an inter- not sufficiently far advanced for ayrouze, a Navy officer. Their have been added to it to this very esting inquiry. Was it true that a these things to be of concern. It SCUBA gear was in use in 1865, day. Verne adds an innovation to patent examiner had rejected the wasn’t until the 1870s that the four years before Verne published the helmet in the novel. “In the patent application of an inventor Frenchman Paul Bert completed his novel. In the actual gear, an Rouquayrol apparatus such as of a new periscope because of the the 1660 work of the Englishman air hose ran from a compressor on we use, two india-rubber pipes periscope described by Jules Robert Boyle. Bert put out a book the surface down to a tank car- leave this box and join a sort of Verne in 20,000 Leagues under on diving physiology describing ried on the driver’s back. A second tent which holds the nose and the Sea? Well, the fact is that how nitrogen can bubble out of a hose ran from the tank to a mouth; one is to introduce fresh Verne is totally silent on the sub- diver’s blood when the diver mouthpiece through which the air, and the other to let out the ject of periscopes in the novel. comes up too fast. Bert was the diver breathed. Some kind of foul, and the tongue closes one The Nautilus had no periscope. man who pointed out the ways to valve on the tank fed the com- or the other according to the Another mis-remembered de- avoid the bends. The diver could pressed air to the mouthpiece at wants of the respirator.” scription concerns the storage bat- recompress in a chamber at the a pressure about equal to the Apparently Verne was not teries used aboard the Nautilus. surface in order to relieve the pressure of the water at that aware of the existence of check There are none. The only time pressure slowly and at will, or the depth. Once the diver’s tank was valves, so he requires that the Verne specifically mentions a bat- diver could come up slowly and charged, the diver could unplug diver use his tongue to control the tery is in connection with diving in stages. Both of these systems the hose that ran to the surface incoming and outgoing air. Yet dress; Captain Nemo says the bat- allowed the excess nitrogen in the and freely walk around a bit using check valves were in use in the tery makes electricity out of blood to be thrown off in the ex- the air in his tank. He could then Siebe diving helmet 29 years sodium instead of the usual bi- haled air. Verne could not pos- return to the hose and plug in earlier, in 1840. Verne simply did chromate of potash. The novel sibly know about such things, again for another charge of air. not bother to get out of his chair leaves readers with the impres- and the lack of discussion of such Apparently Verne had heard and check. On top of that, he for- sion that it is a storehouse of ad- diving dangers in the novel can- about the gear, although toward gets that his SCUBA gear has no vanced technology, and the im- not be held against him. the end of his life he insisted he check valves. On that first walk pression grows as the reader ages. had dreamed about it. For use in on the bottom of the sea, Profes- (It would be interesting to find HPHE SCUBA used by Captain the novel, he made some changes sor Aronnax, Captain Nemo, Con- out how many adults reread it Nemo and his crew has long in the gear without bothering to seil and one of the crew were out after having read it in their teens. been held up as a good example check the gear itself, or even to under the water for a total of ten

Libraries tend to carry it in the of Verne’s ability to forecast sci- think much about it. For one hours. Toward the end of that section for younger readers.) entifically. Even Verne himself in thing, Captain Nemo says, “I, in walk they all get sleepy and take Probably the best parts of the his later years forgot that Captain encountering great pressures at a little nap. Things have been

170 GALAXY THE WATERY WONDERS OF CAPTAIN NEMO 171 per cent produces unconscious- able pressure” at all. In fact, the happening so fast and furiously the quantity of air as 100 liters; ness. suit is quite flexible, which Verne that both Verne and the reader this accounts for the odd preci- There are other interesting realizes in a vague sort of way. alike forget that Verne’s SCUBA sion of the equivalent in British details about the breathing Not understanding this principle gear demands that the tongue al- pints.) arrangements of Verne’s divers. of the balancing of pressures, he ternately pop into and out of the In ten hours, Verne’s divers Exhaled air goes back into the feels compelled to offer some ex- two breathing tubes, a good trick would each need 1760 pints of air. portable tank on the diver’s back planation of how a diver can exist when one is asleep. This converts into 0.71 cubic feet so it can be used again. But the under great water pressure in a of air at the specified 50 atmos- tank is stated to be maintained at flexible suit. So he talks about the fT'HEN there is the matter of air pheres, assuming air to be a per- a pressure of 50 atmospheres. We suit’s “resisting.” consumption. The modem fect gas, and is a nice convenient are not told how a human being In one scene Professor Aron- SCUBA diver exhausts each quantity to carry on one’s back. could possibly exhale into a nax is looking out the great win- breath into the water, except in It weighs about 2.59 pounds, and chamber maintained at such a dow in the saloon of the Nautilus. the rarely-used rebreather types it contains only about 0.54 high pressure. In any case, one The Nautilus is deep, and the of diving gear. Verne properly pounds of oxygen. Professor passage of air through human Professor sees a sunken ship sus- saw that air does not last very Aronnax also says about the air lungs reduces the oxygen content pended in mid-water. It had sunk long when you breathe it once they will breathe during the dive, to about 15 per cent, at which to a depth where its density and blow it out into the water, so “when it only contains fifteen per point Verne says, pretty cor- equaled the water density, and he said that his divers would cent of oxygen, it is no longer fit rectly, it is no longer fit to there it hung, according to Verne. breathe the same air over and to breathe.” This leaves a total of breathe. The good Professor says, “we over. Each diver would carry a 0.15 pounds of consumable oxy- often saw the hulls of ship- tank of air charged by “the gen for each man for a ten-hour "INTERNE frequently mentions wrecked vessels that were rotting pumps of the Nautilus” to a pres- period, about one-tenth the oxy- ’ water pressure throughout in the depths, and, deeper down, sure of “fifty atmospheres.” The gen needed by a 150-pound man the novel. If you look for it, it cannons, bullets, anchors, chains 71.2 cubic foot tank of a modern engaged in very mild exercise at becomes apparent that Verne has and a thousand other iron mate- SCUBA diver is charged to a atmospheric pressure. This man no clear idea of the effects of rials eaten up by rust.” What he pressure of 153 atmospheres, and would also generate 1.25 pounds water pressure on immersed ob- means is, heavier objects come to most of us run in a little more. of carbon dioxide in a ten-hour jects, or even how diving gear of rest suspended in water at depths Such a charge will last for 25 period, producing with the 1760 any kind works. The diving dress deeper than light objects. Verne minutes at a depth of 100 feet. pints of air an atmosphere con- for his divers is “made of india- believes that sinking objects all Verne needed to keep his divers taining about 48.3 per cent car- rubber without seam, and con- seek their own levels in the going for ten hours. bon dioxide. This would swiftly structed expressly to resist con- depths, each according to its dens- Early in the novel Professor kill him. siderable pressure. One would ity, and there they hover. Aronnax points out that a man If the 0.54 pounds of oxygen have thought it a suit of armor, As a matter of fact, water is “consumes, in one hour, the oxy- available in the tank were con- both supple and resisting.” incompressible for all practical gen contained in more than 176 verted to carbon dioxide, the Verne therefore does not know purposes; its density does not pints of air, and this air, charged diver’s atmosphere would still that the air pressure inside the change much in the oceans. At the (as then) with a nearly equal contain 20.8 per cent carbon suit balances the water pressure deepest parts of the oceans, at quantity of carbonic acid, be- dioxide, enough to kill quickly. A outside the suit, and that the suit depths of some 36,000 feet—al- comes unbreathable.” (The carbon dioxide concentration of does not have to resist “consider- most 1,100 atmospheres—the French version of the novel states 6 per cent causes distress, and 10

THE WATERY WONDERS OF CAPTAIN NEMO 173 172 GALAXY pressure increases the ry, Joule, Ohm, Davy, Coulomb, enormous poses he has learned something seem to be talking about batteries only by some six per cent. Faraday, Watt and others was density about how the Nautilus operates. here. Ruhmkorff invented an in- false idea of the effect of completed years before 1869. An Verne’s This isn’t true. We learn, “This duction coil in 1851. depth on the density of water American inventor, Thomas Dav- the engine room, clearly lighted, did Anyhow, this is all we find out in the novel every so enport, patented the first electric shows up not measure less than sixty-five about the mechanism that drives one point Professor motor. He ran a railroad car with often. At feet in length. It was divided into this most famous of submarines. notes that the trans-At- it in 1839. So the use of electri- Aronnax two parts; the first contained the It isn’t much. Yet, thinking back cable rests on the bottom city aboard the Nautilus did not lantic materials for producing electri- to the description after the lapse exercise of the in deep water “without anchor- call for the ima- city, and the second the machin- of a few years, it seems rosily age”. Whenever the Nautilus is to gination. ery that connected it with the complete. an unusually deep dive, make screw.” Then Captain Nemo tells Nautilus was named “the screw set to work at its maxi- ERNE’S r us, “I use Bunsen’s contributions, VV/ HEN the tour is over, Cap- speed” in order to drive the V after Robert Fulton’s Nautil- mum not Ruhmkorff’s. Bunsen’s are tain Nemo and Professor Nautilus down into that “dense” us, built in 1800 in France, and fewer in number, but strong and Aronnax sit down in the saloon Once down, all the Nau- it was more than named after it. water. large, which experience proves to while the captain describes more tilus has to do to reach the surface Fulton’s Nautilus had an observa- be best. The electricity produced details of the Nautilus’s construc- again is to shut off its screw and tion dome protruding from the passes forward, where it works by tion. Most of these involve dimen- tip its vanes upwards. It shoots to upper deck, just like the one on electro-magnets of great size, on sions of the ship. It is here that the surface, squeezed up like a Verne’s Nautilus 69 years later. a system of levers and cogwheels we learn the secret of the enor- toothpaste from a tooth- In 1855 a German named Wil- slug of that transmit the movement to mous strength of the Nautilus’s paste tube. In describing the helm Bauer launched a subma- the axle of the screw.” And we hull, a strength that allows the of any animals living in rine fifty-seven feet long. It was strength never again hear anything about vessel to dive to depths of several water strata miles beneath the named the Sea Devil, and it car- the front part of the room where miles once it gets up enough surface, Professor Aronnax says, ried a crew of thirteen. It was the electricity is produced. In power. The hull is double. “In- requires incalculable strength built to dive to 150 feet, and it “it fact, the only feature we learn deed, owing to this cellular ar- to keep one’s self in these strata had an oxygen-regenerating sys- about the back room is that the rangement it resists like a block, and resist their pressure.” Scien- tem, an observation dome at the system of levers and cogwheels as if it were solid. Its side cannot that a tists knew better in those days. bow, and an air lock so turns the screw a hundred and yield; it coheres spontaneously, The Nautilus itself, as a sub- diver could enter and leave under twenty revolutions in a second, and not by the closeness of its marine, does not represent any- water. All this was fourteen years which gives the Nautilus a speed rivets; and the homogeneity of its thing new in the submarine' art, before Verne’s Nautilus. Once a of fifty miles per hour—as you construction, due to the perfect with the exception of the idea of day it was necessary for Verne’s might well imagine. This “Bunsen union of the materials, enables it electricity for power. Cap- Nautilus to surface to replenish using and Ruhmkorff” business seems to defy the roughest seas.” So, says that he extracts her air. She carried pressure tanks tain Nemo to be thrown in for the distinction for those reasons, the double hull from sea water and makes for air storage, but no air-regen- sodium gained from the use of a couple accounts for the great strength of electricity out of it. Everything erating system. of shining scientific names. Bun- the Nautilus . . . apparently on the Captain aboard is run by electricity. But Early in the novel sen, among many other things, in- theory that if one shell is good, this speculation is not signi- Nemo takes Professor Aronnax even vented an electric cell that used two must be better. since the work of men like on a tour of the Nautilus. At the ficant, plates of gas coke instead of plati- Captain Nemo continues to Ampere, Cavendish, Hen- end of this tour the reader sup- Volta, num, but Captain Nemo does not give figures, physical dimensions GALAXY 174 THE WATERY WONDERS OF CAPTAIN NEMO 175 —

quantities” as an end in itself. marks that show a and properties of materials, which twenty inches, undergoing a pres- lack of infor- Such a remark could only be mation on a particular subject again seem to impart something sure of six atmospheres.” But this made by a man with no mathe- information, that is, which scientific. Here there occurs the depth of 316 feet produces a total could matical background whatsoever. have been obtained remark, “steel plates, whose dens- pressure of 10.6 atmospheres. easily enough Verne trained as a lawyer, and by asking or looking. One mile ity is from .7 to .8 that of water.” In this instance Verne thinks then for awhile he thought about visibility One translation has “.07 to .08 every 53 feet of depth produces under water. Good natu- going into the banking business. ral light at 150 fathoms. that of water.” A non-technical an additional atmosphere of 7,000 Any knowledge of science he had fathom reader might see nothing wrong, water pressure, while previously depth of water in the must have rubbed off on him, and Indian Ocean. It goes on and on. and even a technical reader might he thought every 10 feet did so. very thinly at that. It is time to emphasize slip over the grossly understated Yet in the opening pages of the again that Verne is a great story-teller density of steel. Verne doesn’t novel Professor Aronnax explains 1W/E have been talking about despite his scientific and specula- really mean it, either; he is not to Ned Land, “the pressure of the ” Verne’s physical science. tive nonsense. The novel is giving us a science-fiction descrip- atmosphere is represented by the There is good reason to suspect sprinkled with arresting tion of lighter-than-water steel. weight of a column of water thoughts. that his biological science is just Professor Aronnax wonders if In these paragraphs he also states thirty-two feet high.” This is just as bad. It doesn’t have the right some day there will cities the weight and dimension of the about right; Verne has the correct be at flavor. The crew of the Nautilus the bottom of the oceans, cities outer shell, so it is pretty easy to datum, but he doesn’t bother to throw out a net, say in the Indian that rise to the surface once a day calculate the density of his steel use it later. Ocean, and haul it back loaded. to replenish their air for ourselves. The book frequently reports as the Nau- Professor Aronnax looks in the tilus does. Later on, in a conversa- It works out to be the normal popular fallacy as if it were scien- net and says something like, “I tion between Captain and heavy steel we are used to, and tific fact. For instance, Professor Nemo .” saw in the net . . and there will Professor Aronnax, they discuss not the light stuff he says it is. Aronnax muses that the huge follow a listing of While discussing the strength mass of wooden material, includ- the sea crea- the possibility of excavating the tures in the net, anywhere portion of the of of the hull, Captain Nemo men- ing wrecked ships, floating in the from bottom the Red one paragraph to three the tions that at a depth of 1,000 feet central point of the Sargasso Sea pages Sea where Pharaoh’s army long. It is as if Verne pulled perished of water, the walls of the Nautilus “will become petrified by the to- while pursuing Moses ward him a text on marine and the Israelites; bear a pressure of 100 atmos- action of the water, and will then biol- such an exca- ogy, turned to the listing vation pheres. But, as every SCUBA form inexhaustable coal mines.” “Flora ought to “bring to light a and Fauna of the Indian diver knows, water pressure in- A clue as to why such nonsense Ocean.” large number of arms and instru- This sort of thing goes on fre- ments of Egyptian origin.” creases an additional atmosphere should be in the novel can be What quently in various bodies of a lovely concept! for every 33 feet of depth, not found about halfway through. water. Verne has his man look in a novel, Leagues every 10 feet. So at 1,000 feet of Professor Aronnax knocks on the As 20,000 Un- the net and rattle off what der the Sea is water the pressure on the hull of door of Captain Nemo’s room. He he a good story. But sees there. Sometimes, as a varia- there is not a single bit of valid the Nautilus would be a total of is invited in. He enters and “found tion, Professor Aronnax stands at speculation in it; 31.3 atmospheres, not 100. This Captain Nemo deep in algebraic none of its pre- the window while the Nautilus dictions same sort of mistake occurs dur- calculations of x and other quan- has come true. The pur- cruises beneath the surface, and ported science in it is ing that first walk on the bottom tities.” Now, nobody with even a not semi- calls off the contents of the of the ocean. Professor Aronnax smattering of mathematics would sea science or even pseudo-science. It they are passing through. is non-science. tells us, “We were at a depth of a put it that way. People don’t sit All through the novel occur — THEODORE L. THOMAS hundred and five yards and around calculating “x and other re- THE 176 GALAXY WATERY WONDERS OF CAPTAIN NEMO 177 —

Illustrated By WILLIAM W. STUART by WALKER a while I was there, all the way stranger — or, perhaps, not too down, where the gutter was much less strange — I fitted well You could say Jonesey and/or I were not something I could look up to. enough with the misfits of that Well, turned out I had friends half-world where the individual all there , but I don't see it that way. who wouldn’t quit. By their ef- rarely stands out enough to be How much of Stanley was or wasn't there? forts plus, as they say, the grace noticeable. of God, I came off it; most of the Wino Jones, though, and his way off it, at least. credit to AVE you ever been clear ing. Look the other way. That’s No friend Stanley were, each in his me, but not too many ever man- quite down there on skid row? all right with me. I don’t know own way, noticeable. age to make a round trip of it. Oh, sure, every city has anything better to do about the I first ran across Wino Jones H Who are the misfits and dere- one and no doubt you have given horrors that are, or that may be and Stanley one early spring eve- licts on skid row? Anybody; no- ning. It was a Thursday. I was it one of those look-away-quick on skid row than to hope they body. Individuals, if they are in- beat. It had been a tough week side glances. That isn’t what I will stay there where they be- dividuals, come and go. The — a political scandal, a couple mean. long—and let me forget them. group, with few exceptions, is of fires and a big “Missing Kid What I mean is, have you ever That’s why I’m writing this. I always the same. It is built of Fiend” scare. Turned out the Probably not. And, if you want to do the story of what the world’s rejects — lost souls, kid had skipped school to catch haven’t, I could make a sugges- I saw, and what I think I saw bad dreams; shadowy, indistinct a triple-feature horror show been really down there? or felt, and what I didn’t see, to shapes, not a part of life nor yet and was scared to go home when tion. Don’t go. get it off my mind. Then I am quite altogether out of it, either. she came out late, so she went Skid row is a far, remote way going to do my damnedest not I was down there. I left. But to hide out at Grandma’s. The and there are all kinds of hor- to think of the whole thing. I kept passing by every once in suspect fiend was a cockfight rors down there, the seen and Me, I know about skid row be- a while to pay a little visit. For sportsman from the Caribbean the unseen. To each his own, as cause I was there. That’s my that I had two reasons. One, I colony smuggling home his loser they say, and everyone there has personal problem and another could sometimes pick up a lead under his leather jacket. his own personal collection. All story, before this one, and the on something for a Sunday fea- But it had been a rough week right. General opinion is to let hell with that, too. I once had ture for my paper. The other — with a lot of chasing around and them be there and the hell with a wife and a couple of kids. I just taking another look now getting no place that left me in them, people and horrors too, if had a lot of problems and then and then at where and what I one of those hell-with-it moods. there is a distinction. Unfortu- no wife and no kids and I made had been was a sort of insurance Like, maybe, I ought to take a nate, but what can you do? Noth- it to skid row. It was easy. For for me. week or so off and — and the hell with that. It was time for from time to time I would me to pay a little remembrance- ^ stop by The Yard for an eve- of- things -not -so -far -past visit THE LITTLE MAN ning. I would spring for a jug. I down on the row. was welcome. Those in the regu- I left the city room, tired, lar group knew me and they held dirty, needing a shave. Where I me in no more than the same was headed, this would put me WASN’T QUITE contempt they had for each ahead of the fashion parade, but WHO other and themselves. Being no it would serve. I stopped for a

178 GALAXY THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN'T QUITE 179 bowl of chili at Mad Miguel’s “Ed?” Bootnose asked in his man, it is hard for me to remem- in the world — which, as every and then wandered down to hoarse canned-heat whisper. ber him even now. Hard to skid-row pro desperately fears, it those four blocks on South River “You gonna spring for a jug?” remember what he was like, that might very well turn out to be. I squatted a minute or so and Street, known as Bug Alley, that is. He wasn’t colored. He was • Stanley’s drinking? I didn’t no- make up the hard-core skid-row then stood and started fumbling small. His eyes, his hair, I don’t tice. section of our city. around through all my pockets. know. He must have had some After a while I wandered off. Across from St. Vincent’s in This is local protocol. Coin by or I would have noticed. And he My appreciation of the fact that Scott Square, called the Yard, coin, I spread a dollar and a half had a sort of sour, distant, hurt I was able to wander off was by the old wall, there was a group in silver out on the flat collec- bitterness about him, I recall, shored up again and I was glad of six or eight passing the time tion stone in front of me. A huge, and that is about all I can recall enough to get back to work the and a nearly dead jug. I powerful-looking colored man, ever seeing in Stanley. Except for next day without thinking any- to me, hunkered down shambled over and squatted new the last time I saw him — he thing much more about it. down. Got a hard, bloodshot look against the wall, smiled gently looked mean then. I didn’t think about Wino quarter. or two, but not because the jug and added a Bootnose This time, I smiled and nod- Jones or Stanley again till the in the public park was against scooped it up and went to make ded. “Wino Jones, Stanley, wel- first of the next week. Then I the law. Even if I was the law, the run for the jug. come to our city, our little garden was on early shift at the paper, so what? These, they made the spot.” due in at six A.M. At quarter to, I guess, stretching the jail now and then, if there were T WAS, “There now, Stanley,” Jones I yawned my way out of Mad too many complaints, if they ground rules a little by the beamed, “he can see you well Miguel’s after coffee, an egg and made a disturbance. But not way I stared at the big fellow. enough. You’re doing fine, Stan- hotcakes. Mig’s hotcakes were surprised mildly. For even the jail wanted them. The But he me ley, getting better all the time. hot, too; made them with chili. in good hard looks wondered only if the one thing, he looked You do see him plain, don’t you, Hard on the stomach, but they shakes, no fe- jug should be passed to me or shape; strong, no Ed?” popped the old eyelids open in back of the blood- by me. vered ghosts “Huh? Yeah, sure I see him. the morning. As I stood a minute curtain of the eyes. And, I lit a cigarette, took a couple shot Why not? Does he think he’s in the doorway, my watering ” of drags and handed it on. Boot- apart from that, you don’t find invi — eyes spotted Wino Jones coming on skid row, nose Bailey, big, old, bald, with very many Negroes Jones interrupted me, “Look, out of the alley that led around in our area. I don’t know the cast-iron stomach and at least there comes Mr. Bailey back al- to Mig’s kitchen side. He saw leather liver, settled the jug why. ready.” me but, thoughtfully, didn’t “Jones,” he said, softly, po- question by handing it to me. I Well, it was a little odd. But crack till I gave him a, consider- You’re Ed? lifted it, letting only the smallest litely, “Wino Jones. then, down there the odd is ing the time, reasonably bright is friend Stan- trickle of the sticky sweet cheap Ed, this here my normal, the normal odd. I didn’t hello. ley.” He waved a big hand at a wine past. It is not for me; no think anything of it. “How’s it, Ed? You going on more. It is sickening stuff. But, wispy little man beside him. I sat a couple of hours. One early, uh?” I hadn’t seen Stanley as always, the effort of holding Funny jug went and then another. Jt “Yeah, Wino — ah — Jonesy. there he was. That I back left me shaking. All right; before, but did seem to me that Wino Jones Mind if I call you Jonesy?” He with shaking, I had plenty of want to make clear. Stanley was missed by a lot on proving out didn’t. “What’s with you? Been company. The next man looked there; no question about it. Only his nickname. At least he didn’t washing a dish for the Mig?” pleased at the two gulps left in he was such a totally remote, love up the passing bottle as He nodded. Some of the up- the bottle and drained it. insignificant, unobtrusive little though it might be the last one per-level boys from the row

180 GALAXY THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN'T QUITE 181 around the mangy clump of down at the Yard. That was out worked off and on at odd jobs companionably to — no one. I bushes by the path. With him of my pattern. Usually one visit like that. It didn’t make Jones didn’t get it. Well, Stanley pres- was a sour, whispy, scarcely in a month or so was plenty. But unique, but it made him stand ent or absent rated very low on noticeable little man. Stanley. now, for whatever reason, I was out a little. the list of the problems I was “Evening, Jonesy,” I said, getting kind of interested in “Me and Stanley, we like a going to worry about. I went to “and Stanley. Good to see you Jones — and Stanley. little change in our pockets. work. again.” I meant it even though, This time Jones was there Right, Stanley?” I ran into Jones every morning come to think, it didn’t really hunkered down against the wall He looked down and a little to during the week I was on early; clear anything up. Jones gave when I wandered up. Coaster one side, just as though he were Jones, coming off work, with me his smile and Stanley nod- Joe squatted on one side of him. asking agreement from someone. Stanley — who wasn’t there. ded suspiciously. On the other side, no one. I Only there wasn’t anyone there. Odd, sure. But if Jones was They moved in and joined the looked; I looked close. There There wasn’t anyone in sight on stringing a way-out gag or play- group. Somebody made a run; a was no one there. Still, when I the block but Jones and me. ing with a mild hallucination, couple. The talk staggered nodded around, I nodded at the still it was nothing to me. around as usual. Topics: booze; empty space. Noticed that Boot- T>UT Jones smiled and nodded I did mention it to Mig, who money, yesterday’s and tomor- nose Bailey was missing. A mild warmly at the short vacancy only said, “Si, these one big row’s; booze; women — only surprise. Bootnose and a bottle beside him and then looked back hombre eat big. He like two occasionally and with mild, de- were nearly as much Yard fix- at me. “Stanley here, he come plate eat for breakfast, plate he cayed interest; booze. tures as Gen. Scott in bronze by to meet me after work. Mr. wash, bueno, what for I com- Jones put in a soft word or and pigeons. I settled in. A little Mig, he let me fix us a bite of plain?” two from time to time until he time and a jug went by. I still breakfast when I finish up the So that was all. Nothing. finally stood up, stretched and didn’t see Stanley. night.” Toward the end of the next said he was going up to Mig’s. My curiosity finally insisted I looked again at where week, I wandered down to the Stanley stayed. I know he did. on a remark. “Jonesy, I — Stanley was supposed to be Yard again and joined the little I watched him. Afterward, I haven’t seen Stanley tonight.” standing and then, blankly, back group of exponents of gracious tried to remember if he said Jones smiled, not quite as at Jones. He shrugged almost almost-living by the wall. Jones anything, but that I couldn’t re- easy and relaxed as usual. “Stan- unnoticeably and, I thought, wasn’t there. But as I was set- call. ley isn’t around tonight. He barely shook his head. tling down I glanced over at the I went on home myself a went someplace.” “Well-1 — ” he said, “I expect Broad Street side of the square while after Jones left. Stanley “Oh? Well, that’s good." It me and Stanley better drift back and I saw him strolling along was still there, though, when I seemed a safe statement. If on down to the Yard before toward us. He was smiling, talk- glanced back from Broad Street, Stanley had been in jail, Jones some fuzz comes along and fans ing, gesturing. He was alone. I I couldn’t pick him out in the would have said so. Any other us down.” looked twice. There was no one dim moon and street light. place was bound to be better. I “Yeah?” I said. “Yeah. So with Jones. Still nothing much, eh? was being unjustifiably nosy, but long, Jonesy — Stanley.” I settled down, took a drag or curiosity wouldn’t let me drop I don’t know why I added the two on a smoke and passed it nPHE NEXT week I came on it. “Where did he go?” “Stanley” but, obscurely, it along. Lifted a jug. Got back the work at ten and I didn’t see Jones shrugged. Then, seri- seemed to please Jones. He gave old lost, gone, miserable feel of Jones — or not see Stanley — ously, “To tell the truth, Ed, I me a big smile and then walked the thing again. I looked up then all week. Friday, I was back don’t rightly know. Fact is, I off down the street, chatting at Jones who was just coming THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN'T QUITE 183 182 GALAXY been a mite worried about old Stanley it is mostly like this — “I only read some. But these “Me, I lived down the road a Stanley lately.” when he is around, I mean. men down here — you might piece from Stanley. I don’t know No one else was paying any There are people who see him; say, couldn’t you, that they are why, but he took to following me attention to us. “So? How’s a few. But most people, they maybe men who don’t have around. Mostly because every- that?” can’t see Stanley at all. With much of a hold on the world one else ran him off, I expect. I “Well — ” He shrugged again you, seems like it changes. Up- any more?” don’t guess I was real good to and then made a decision. “You town you can’t see him; down “True.” poor Stanley, but I let him tag know, Ed, it’s a sort of a odd here you can.” “And the world holds them along. You would hardly know thing about Stanley. If you have “What?” mighty lightly. They are noth- he was there; no trouble. And he ?” “Now me, I see him most all a little time . . . ing. Nobody pays them attention. struck me so sort of lost and “Time is what I have.” the time. All the time when he’s They are outside of everything. pitiful, you know? I never had Jones sighed. “It might turn around, that is; when he hasn’t They are pretty much outside the heart to chase him. After a out to be a problem, I think. gone off someplace, like tonight. the world, even. Now you, Ed — while, it got to where he even Bothers me some. It would be a But most people, what you might you are mostly a part of the took to trailing along after me kindness if you would let me call really normal people — no normal world. But one time you to school. talk to you about it.” offense, Ed — they can’t ever were all the way on down here, “Now that was a funny thing; I stood up. Jones, making a see Stanley.” ” right? So you — kind of got me to wondering. gesture that clearly set him “I have a feeling for it? Some- There was a white kid down in apart, put a quarter on the flat TT SOUNDED silly. But Jones thing like that?” that part of the country, running collection stone as he got up to said it with a calm conviction “Something like that. And so along after a colored boy to a join me. strolled off through that carried weight. If I couldn’t We down here you are like the colored school. You would ex- the dusk in the park, quietly. believe it exactly, I didn’t dis- others; you can see Stanley. Up- pect that to attract a good deal even in a state of some believe him either. You hear Jones, town, you couldn’t see him.” of attention, wouldn’t you? unease, was a comfortable pres- plenty of queer stories on skid “Sounds nuts. But how? Maybe stir up a big storm in the row dreams, nightmares, non- ence. Over on the Broad Street — Why?” county. But nobody ever hardly side of the Yard, we sat down sense. There used to be one “That goes back, way back. seemed to notice Stanley at all. crummy, rummy old bum around on a bench. Stanley and me, we were kids There wasn’t anything ever said “Don’t rightly know how to called Gov’nor who used to together. Stanley, his people about it. begin,” said, scratching his claim he really had been a Jones were what down there they call “Well, you know, Ed, any kid, head with a fielder’s-mitt-sized governor. He drank down some ‘trash.’ Fourteen, fifteen kids. even Stanley, he wants some at- hand, “but Ed, I expect you office duplicator fluid and died. — Who was whose pa, who would tention, some affection from noticed something funny about Police routine checked. He was know? Or care? And Stanley, he someone. Stanley, all he ever Stanley? Or maybe about me?” an ex-governor. Probabilities was kind of the runt of the whole had was me and I never more “I noticed that sometimes I eliminate no remote possibilities; litter. Nobody paid him any than about put up with him if you flip a coin long enough, see Stanley and sometimes I mind. He never talked much when we were kids. And any kid someday it will stand on edge. don’t. And that sometimes you ’cause nobody listened. Got to likes to feel kind of important do you figure that?” I act as though you see him when “How be a real dopy, dreamy, moody sometime. Be noticed. Be king of he positively is not there.” asked Jones. kid. Not ever sick, but sickly. He the hill at recess. Win a spelling kind of “I don’t want to sound like I “Um, yes. Makes you was more like nothing than any bee. Whup somebody, or even be too, Ed. Because with think I am a brain,” Jones said. unusual kid I ever did see. the kid that gets made to stay GALAXY 184 THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN'T QUITE 185 ’

after school the most. He wants that most people couldn’t even and I guess I am pretty fond of ning and I looked around when to feel like he is somebody. Only see Stanley at all any more.” it at that. Couldn’t ever have I finished my soup and I couldn’t Stanley, he never could. Seemed “He got so far out he was managed to leave skid row if I see Stanley. It gave me a turn. like the more he wanted to push really gone?” weren’t. But after a little while, there he out into things, the more he “Only it was kind of pitiful “So,” Jones said, “poor Stan- was again. I asked him where he would get shy and not able to, the way it made Stanley mad. ley, he always has been mighty went. He couldn’t or wouldn’t and he would pull away back Me, I got vagged a few times. dependent on me; more, maybe, ever tell me much, only that inside even more. He never could Only Stanley, he could be right since we been moving around. there was someplace he was try- talk much hardly, even to me. beside me and spit in the Until just lately.” ing to get to and friends he Got so I would scarcely know he sheriff’s face and they wouldn’t “Kind of a damn nuisance, wanted to meet. “ was around myself.” touch him. They wouldn’t even huh?” ‘I can almost get there,’ know he was there. When I was “It never bothered me too Stanley told me. ‘There’s the 44TTE LOST touch with the locked up, he could walk in and much. Of course it keeps me border and over there on the world?” I put in. “Well, out to visit me. Nobody ever down around this part of every other side, they want me. I can that happens. There are oddballs stopped him. Nobody saw him town we make and maybe this feel they want me. They under- all over, you know.” — except, we found out then, isn’t the kind of life I would stand that I am important to “Oh, sure — sure there are, that some of the prisoners could have picked for myself. But them. They want me to come. If Ed,” said Jones. “But Stanley see Stanley plain enough.” Stanley has made me feel sort I —could just find the way across wasn’t like that, not exactly; or “Oh?” I said. of responsible. And some kind of to only. Seemed like it was as “Yes. And that’s the way it responsibility is good for a man, “He never told me who it was much the world lost touch with has been. Seems like the only wouldn’t you say?” wanted him, or where, or what

Stanley as it was the other way. people who can see Stanley are I couldn’t argue with it; not for. But ever since then, every He always did feel a resentment people like, well, like the ones me. Anyway, it proved what I once in a while I would look

about it, too, and I believe it down here around the Yard. The had felt from the start—Wino around and Stanley would be turned him pretty bitter way ones who are — how would you Jones wasn’t a real or a natural gone. First part of this last week down someplace. ’Course he say it? — in the world but not skid-row type; he was forcing he was gone again — and when never did say much, but I could of it, huh? I read that some- himself. he came back, he was changed. tell. I got the feeling.” where. People who are far “Well, Ed, Stanley has been He was kind of superior-acting. “So? How did you come enough out can see Stanley; only trailing me around all the years Not pleasant. Wherever he was here?” he is farther out than any of — only somehow I don’t believe trying to get, he had got there. “Well, my mammy, she passed them.” Stanley ever did really like me ‘Now,’ he told me, ‘I have friends on and there wasn’t anything to “Hm-m. Well, the world being much. He followed me because who know I am somebody.’ He hold me back there around what it is, maybe Stanley is he couldn’t do anything else, but was real set up over it. Tonight home, so I left. Stanley, he tag- lucky.” he never took to me. I guess he went back again.” ged right along after me. Like a “Ed, you don’t really mean maybe I couldn’t ever quite look “Where?” I wanted to know. shadow. You might say he was that.” up to him the way he wanted. So a sort of a shadow’s shadow, He was right, of course. This I suppose he has always been ONES SHOOK his head. “I huh? We bummed around. I world positively was not built looking for something else. Well, J told him, ‘Stanley, we been worked here and there. Then I according to any specifications before we came here, we were together a long time. You got found out — we found out — of mine, but still it is my world stopping in a mission one eve- friends besides me, I’m glad

186 GALAXY THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN'T QUITE 187 ears, even though he had to That bottle and another went Only, you know, I kind of feel of uneasy about it all,” he added. admit that the “Present Stench around. So did the talk. I was responsible. Maybe I ought to There it was, Jonesy’s story. Future Disaster” the leaning on the wall next to meet your friends, — line from huh? Why A nonsense story? Sure. But it sewer gas story did fit very Jones. Neither of us had much don’t you take me to meet them?’ left me feeling a little uneasy “ nicely over the item on the to say. Finally, it was just com- ‘No,’ says Stanley. ‘Oh, no.’ too. We talked it back and forth mayoralty campaign. ing on dusk, I asked him, He wouldn’t hear of it. I got to a while longer, Jones and me, I was down at the Yard a little “You’re sure he’ll come here? stay here and wait for him, he and the more we talked the more after five. Jones came along a Are you sure he’ll show at all?” tells me.” uneasy I got. Foolish or not, few minutes later. group “He’ll be here. Most any time “Well, sure,” I The told Jones. Jones himself believed it. He was there. It always is, except now, Ed. I can feel it. Can’t “How could you go with a man wasn’t trying to con me into when there is a city clean-up. you?” into his dream?” anything. There was no other Then it moves over behind the I could feel something, but it “Yeah — only Stanley did point to it. And — well, maybe church. Today there was a ten- was only a contagion of tension, take old Mr. Bootnose Bailey it was simply the fact that Jones sion. Jones was smiling, gentle I told myself. with him.” was a good deal of man. What and friendly as always, but there Then Jones said, “Look there,” “What?” I exclaimed. he said had a real conviction to were nerves back of it. Probably and pointed. “Uh-huh. Stanley said he was it. Even if the story was hard to the others were mostly just suf- I followed the line of his big, going to prove it to me. He said believe, still there was what I fering dry nerves. But I was pink-nailed, black finger off he would take somebody along had seen — and not seen — of rattled enough so I fumbled a along the path through the park with him to this place and then Stanley. And even if there was five out and put it on the rock. from Broad Street, a little hazy he would bring one of his friends nothing that seemed particularly That, naturally, meant that in the summer evening. There back here to visit. He said that threatening about the business, Coaster Joe and Feeny, who was nothing. Then there was a would show me, would show it made the two of us uneasy. moved the quickest, went to darker spot in the haze and everybody. And you know, Ed, I There was nothing for us to make a run and didn’t come then, not more than about don’t believe I much liked the do about it, though. I went on back. With the right change for twenty feet away, just about to way poor Stanley looked when home to my apartment after I the jug, the wino never skips; pass back of the row of bushes he said that. He looked kind of promised Jones I would be with change to bring back, al- along the path, I saw Stanley. mean.” around the next night when ways. Tonight he seemed, spmehow, a “But they went? Both of Stanley, alone or with company, more positive presence, even at them? And that’s why old Boot- was due back. I don’t know what \W7ELL, some more silver was that distance. There was a cocky nose isn’t around?” Jones expected. I don’t know ” painfully dredged up, mostly bounce in his walk and a tilt to Jones nodded. “Yeah. Stanley what I expected. But Stanley’s by Jones, and somebody else his chin that announced “Here promised Mr. Bootnose some- friend, no; we didn’t expect that. went. The wine went around is someone to reckon with.” thing would give him a real boot. The next day I was filling in and I admit that this time I took Other eyes in our little circle They went. Stanley, last thing on the desk, but my mind must a swallow or two on my turn. I turned his way as he passed be- he said before I watched the have been fumbling around with noticed Jones did too. Not hind the bushes. A couple of two of them just sort of fade out, Stanley’s other world. I fumbled much; a little. We were cold seconds more and he came he said he would be back tomor- all day and finished by crossing sober. Too cold, actually. I around the near side and moved row evening. He wanted me to up a couple of headlines. So I needed the little wine I had in in to join us. be sure to wait for him in the left the office with the managing me and a lot more. “Hello there, Wino,” he said Yard. And fact is, Ed, I’m kind editor’s curses ringing in my QUITE 189 188 GALAXY THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN'T to Jones and there was conde- maybe. With me, it has always hairy-legged, scension in it. “Fellows, I want” been spiders, ugly, — proudly — “you should meet bloat-bellied. horrors. The height man, r i* a *4 Tovjet Tii a friend of mine.” The Around the bushes came a when he gets them, will have the helplessly, shape, a dark shape; Stanley’s sensation of falling, spiders. friend, from some other place or endlessly. Once I had millions of world. In our group, Saint Betty, There were hordes, scrabbling, poison- a retired queen, choked on the great, stickily spiders crawling, crawling jug and handed it to me. I ous all over me, over everything — shoved it along to Jones. The like an paralyzing effect of Stanley’s until I woke wrapped up wet sheet friend can be measured in the iced tamale in the cold “calming restraint” fact that the jug went three that is called times around that thirsty circle in psycho wards. Stanley’s friend? Well, it’s an — and no one even lifted it to ugly thought, but consider those his lips till it fell in the dust at spiders of mine. And consider my feet. mostly, have re- Stanley’s friend was there all people. People, man in his right; really there. What did I ligion. “God made except God, of say he was like? A dark shape? image,” they say, greater. Yes. But that dark shape and course, is the infinitely that spiders had a the detail of that shape came Now suppose “God made through as clear as a hot blue god. A spider god. image,” the spiders flame to me. spiders in his such a You weren’t ever down that might say, right? So that almighty apoth- way, right? Not to stay, at least. spider god, that was Well, one thing people there eosis of spiderdom — Stanley’s friend as I saw him. have in common is the horrors. Not just the ordinary day-to-day how I could horrors of a hard life but the big T DON’T KNOW horrors. The D.T.s. How do they see a thing like that. Maybe go? The detail varies. With I didn’t see it, exactly. But ab- what- everyone, there is something that solutely, in some way, by really panics him, gives him that ever means, the positive percep- sense of unreasoning, helpless, tion of such a thing burned itself screaming fear. With a lot of into my eyes and mind.

people ’ it is snakes. That’s the The other fellows? No one traditional. With others, it can screamed aloud, although my be heights, or closed rooms; rats, mind was screaming. Horrors

THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN'T QUITE 191 went. So, if I’m not there, if were not less horrible to us, only “Yes,” snapped Stanley, “I — to each his own? Somehow he be he • locate me, could less unfamiliar than to other see. I should have known. All that made it seem even worse. he can’t be able to make his way people. One by one, the others right then, we’ll do it your way. Jones wanted to come along won’t with his friends. I think quivered to shaky feet and they We will show them all.” with me? I was glad and grate- back — far away from stumbled off through the eve- I stumbled a step or two ful. I don’t know that I could I better stay as get. You ning. The jug, three-quarters toward the path. have stood being alone that down there as I can some kind full yet, stayed there in the dust “Wino,” said Stanley, “Wino night. reckon there might be on that paper of the Yard, forgotten. Jones. We are going over to the of job I could do work for?” How long it was, I don’t know. other side now. But we will be ¥ TP IN MY apartment, we you said. I knew they Not long — and then only Jones back, you hear me? You just ^ turned on all the lights. Had “Sure,” I in the circula- and I were left with Stanley and wait.” a couple of nightcaps. Sat up all needed some men tion department. “That isn’t so Stanley’s friend. The rest of the “Sure, Stanley,” said Jones, still night in my luxurious eight-by- though, is it?” I park was empty. Across Bug gentle, kind. “Only, Stanley, are ten living-dining-kitchen area for very far away, right Alley in front of the church an you sure?” modern living. We talked a little, had a sense that he was old woman carrying a sack of “I’m sure,” said Stanley. He but not about Stanley and his about Stanley. miles. Distance, like that, rubbish was impelled to look our turned to his friend. “Come on. friend. It was too fresh and we “Not much way. She screeched in a high, Let’s go.” were too shaken. It seemed safer I don’t think it makes Stanley is. It’s disappearing pitch and crumpled They moved together toward not to mention it. difference where huh? to the walk. The church was the bushes. I suppose we must have dozed the Yard and all that, like if I get a steady dark and silent. Stanley looked back over his off and on. In the morning, I Seems to be a real, steady, Jones stood there, big, power- shoulder at Jones. “We’ll be woke up. I still had the shakes. job, get to be that’s what would ful, leaning against the wall. He back,” he said, “we’ll be back, No hangover, but the shakes. normal citizen, hard for Stanley to smiled at Stanley, but it was a Wino. You be looking for us.” “Jonesy,” I said. “Jonesy, I make me weak, sick smile. How he man- Then they were gone. Thank guess maybe I ought to be get- find.” “Yes,” I said, “I see. The more aged that much, I’ll never know. the good Lord, they were gone. ting along to work. What are are a full part of this world, Weak, trembling, stomach churn- “Well,” I quavered at Jones, you going to do?” you the farther away you will be ing, I dragged myself up. “you did say you were kind of He woke up, full awake, like from that other one — and “Uh — well,” I mumbled, uneasy about him, didn’t you?” that. “I’m not going back,” he Stanley.” “f’you fellows will excuse me — “Yes,” said Jones, “that’s right. said. “You know?” guess I better be moving along.” You going on home now, Ed?” “Yeah.” “That’s it.” so. Lord, I hope so. Stanley’s lip curled. He was “You bet!” “I got a feeling. I got kind of “I hope come along down with me irritated. I couldn’t help that. “I don’t like to impose, but a feeling that maybe I am sort You this morning. We’ll get you a job “You see?” It wasn’t speech, would you mind if I kind of of Stanley’s doorway or gate if have to kill someone to but the thought came plainly tagged along? I don’t feel too back here, if you know what I we

vacancy . . . Jonesy, that from Stanley’s friend, out of a good — after that thing with mean. He was always nearer to make a that thing, spiders, snakes — churning of black, hungry Stanley, built of all those thou- me than anyone. You notice he — you are sure it was real? It was thoughts, “You see how it is? sands of hissing, wiggling kept telling me to wait for him? Even now, not even such as snakes.” > I think maybe he needs to feel actually here, I mean? And find to make his might come back if Stanley can these will welcome us as friends With Jones, it had been around and me the way in force?” and equals.” snakes, not spiders. The others way back across from wherever make —

192 GALAXY THE LITTLE MAN WHO WASN'T QUITE 193 “Yes, Ed. You didn’t really might even come of it — given have to ask, did you?” enough time. The BEMs in your neighborhood “No,” I said. I have checked back on the won't run off with your books And that’s it and that’s all., Yard a few times but so far, at if you put inside the front cover least, nothing more than the CINCE THEN — well, Jones standard rack-up of ordinary of each book... a gummed bookplate ^ is working for the paper. He horrors. I am not going to check with your name printed on it! got to be assistant circulation any more. What for? Such a manager in less than a year. He thing as Stanley’s friend, you is as respectable and non-skid- couldn’t fight, and I wouldn’t row a citizen as there is in town. know what direction to run. If Has a girl; getting married next those things ever find a way over month. here, where would they be com- Me? I’m the same, maybe a ing from? I don’t know. From little better. I go every other inside, maybe, Jones says. How week to visit my kids and Jennie, do you run from that? my ex, has taken to staying Best, I think, forget it. I in- around now. We even talk a tend to try. And, so help me, I little bit and, last time, I took am through with skid row. Who her some flowers and she wouldn’t be? blushed like a bride. Something — WILLIAM W. STUART

FORECAST No. CF-614 by Emsh No. GF-612 by Emsh FINAGLE SAYS —

We begin the new year for Galaxy with the end of an old tradition. The umpteenth corollary The first of Finagle's General Law of time the Frederik Pohl-C.M. Kornbluth byline appeared it was in Dynamic Negatives says: Galaxy, on the famous Gravy Planet (which as The Space Merchants has "No books are ever lost been republished in one form or another every year since, somewhere in by loaning except ones you the world — this year in Brazil, Japan and Czechoslovakia.) The last time particularly want to keep." will be in our next issue, with a complete novella called Critical Mass. Since Kornbluth's untimely death a few years ago, Pohl has completed several 100 for $4; 200, $6; 300, $8 projects then unfinished; this is the last of them. with owner's name imprinted Naturally we'll also have Poul Anderson, completing his The Day All Postpaid. Add state sales lax, if any. After Doomsday which begins so brilliantly this month. There will be at least one novelette, shorts to fit . . . and another item worth mentioning. ACTUAL SIZE, all designs, 3x4 inches No. GM-12 by Cullen Rapp No. GX-57 by Lynd Ward It is called The Martian Star-Gazers — not a story but an article — and it will be the subject of our February cover. The designs shown above are the only ones we offer!

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