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A Crossover Of A Crossover Of and © Star Kwafie 2014 JANEWAY: Captain’s log, supplemental. We have found an interesting spatial anomaly that B’Elanna informs me could potentially be a wormhole. [Bridge] JANEWAY: Report. KIM: I’m running another scan. TUVOK: (OC) Tuvok to Captain. JANEWAY: (IC) Janeway here. What have you found? [Corridor] (Tuvok is examining a stain on the floor with a tricorder.) TUVOK: (IC) I have found a peculiar stain. It seems to contain traces of fructose, ethyl methylphenylglycidate, and isoamyl acetate. [Bridge] PARIS: How does he not crack up while pronouncing those words? JANEWAY: (IC) Interesting. Keep me informed. Janeway out. CHAKOTAY: (who is up at Tuvok’s station) Captain… there have been some minor fluctuations in the anomaly. They could be important. KIM: I’m picking that up too. B’ELANNA: (OC) Intruder in Engineering! JANEWAY: (IC) Who? B’ELANNA: (OC) I have absolutely no idea‼ JANEWAY: (IC) Are they human? What do they look like? B’ELANNA: (OC) Some guy with a weird hat and a sword… hey! Stop! Don’t touch that! (explosion noises) Repair team up here on the double! Torres to Sickbay. We have a medical emergency. JANEWAY: (IC) B’Elanna? (SC) Chakotay, you have the bridge. I’m going to see who our little friend is in Sickbay. [Sickbay] (Janeway enters. And guess who’s on the biobed? Someone with REALLY long blond hair and a sword: Finn the Human.) JANEWAY: (peering at Finn) Who is she? EMH: A human. He, actually. JANEWAY: A human…? But he couldn’t have come from Voyager. And we’re in the Delta Quadrant. B’ELANNA: And there aren’t any other humans in the Delta Quadrant. EMH: What surprises me is that he is only about ten years old. JANEWAY: Wake him up. I want to talk to him. EMH: As you wish. (hyposprays Finn) FINN: (wakes up) Where am I? JANEWAY: I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the Federation starship Voyager. FINN: (springs up) I’m on a starship?? Total math‼ EMH: What does he mean? JANEWAY: What is your name? FINN: I’m Finn the Human. I haven’t seen another human in, like, forever! B’ELANNA: That isn’t unexpected. We are in the Delta Quadrant, after all. FINN: Whadaya mean, Delta Quadrant? (to B’Elanna) Cool forehead; dude! B’ELANNA: Thanks…? FINN: (snatching up his hat and backpack and putting them back on) So, who are you guys? Are you humans? JANEWAY: That’s a complicated question. I am a human, B’Elanna here is half- human, and the Doctor is… well… FINN: Oh, I’m in some sort of hospital! (to the EMH) What’s your name? EMH: Well, I, I don’t have one. I am a hologram. FINN: Holograms are rad, man! So you’re like a robot? EMH: Not exactly. FINN: BMO and NEPTR are robots and they have names! EMH: People do call me the EMH, or the Emergency Medical Hologram. FINN: Poor guy. (to B’Elanna) And what about you? What’s your story? B’ELANNA: My name’s B’Elanna Torres. I’m half-human, half-Klingon. FINN: Oh, cool. (to Janeway) And you? JANEWAY: I’m Captain Janeway. And I believe we have a few questions to ask you as well. Where do you come from? FINN: I’m from the Land of Ooo! JANEWAY: The land of… Ooo? FINN: Yes, you’ve never heard of it? JANEWAY: Not exactly, no. TUVOK: (OC) Captain, I’m reading what could be a rift on deck six. JANEWAY: (IC) Meet me there immediately. (exits) (There is a sudden beeping.) FINN: What… what is that? B’ELANNA: (runs over to computer, with the EMH peering over her shoulder) It’s a sort of… FINN: I feel kinda tingly…! B’ELANNA: Doctor, I have a high-energy reading in sickbay— (The three of them disappear, and none other than Lumpy Space Princess appears where they were! She doesn’t seem to notice anything, as she is still talking on her phone.) LSP: (IC) Oh my glob, Melissa, I don’t lumpin’ CARE if you were making out with my ex-boyfriend last night— (Kes enters, cutting her off. Kes drops the tray she was carrying and stares at LSP.) LSP: Who the lumps are you? [Ooo—Ice Kingdom] (Finn, the Doctor, and B’Elanna appear in the Ice Kingdom, right outside the Ice King’s palace.) B’ELANNA: Where are we? FINN: Chill, dude, we’re in the Ice Kingdom. B’ELANNA: I’m chilled enough as it is. EMH: Lieutenant, I seem to be able to manifest myself here without the aid of a holoemitter. FINN: Oh, that’s probably the magic in the air. EMH: Magic? (Just then Gunter waddles over. Finn leaps away and draws his sword. Gunter quacks.) FINN: Aahh! It’s the evil penguin Gunter! (The EMH has his tricorder out.) EMH: Lieutenant, I believe this is a kind of flightless sphenisciform seabird. B’ELANNA: It’s called a penguin, Doctor. (The Ice King has noticed them.) ICE KING: (fists trailing ice) Hey! What are you doing with poor Gunter? EMH: Who are you? FINN: He’s the Ice King, and he’s EVIL! (lunges at him, only to be blasted back.) ICE KING: I’m sorry for the violence, but I can’t control what Finn may do! We’re pals and all, but— FINN: I’m not your pal! (to B’Elanna and the Doctor) He kidnaps princesses, including some of my friends! EMH: Kidnaps princesses? ICE KING: No, I SAVE princesses! (to B’Elanna) Are you a princess…? B’ELANNA: (hotly) No, I’m Lieutenant B’Elanna Torres of the starship Voyager. ICE KING: Ohh… too bad. It’s just all these princesses want to marry me— FINN: No, you want to marry all these princesses! B’ELANNA: (to Finn) Look, mister, we don’t have time for this. Do you know a way back to our ship? FINN: Noooo… but I know who we can ask! Princess Bubblegum! ICE KING: (as they start to walk away) No, don’t leave me! EMH: I believe you are suffering from chronic loneliness. I would recommend— ICE KING: Ooh, you know how to help me? (comes closer) EMH: That is not a guarantee— B’ELANNA: (OS) Doctor! Come on! EMH: I— (The Ice King freezes him. I’m not sure how this is possible, but he is magical after all. Then he carries the EMH away.) [Voyager—Sickbay] (Kes and LSP are staring at each other.) KES: Hello… what’s your name? LSP: I am the Lumpy Space Princess. KES: From which planet? LSP: From Lumpy Space, duh. And who are you? KES: My name is Kes. This is the starship Voyager. LSP: Oh my glob, a starship? (IC) Melissa, you’re not gonna lumpin’ believe this but—Melissa? Melissa? Stupid phone. KES: Phone? LSP: You don’t even have a lumpin’ Wi-Fi connection on this lumpin’ ship! KES: Where is the Doctor? LSP: What doctor? I don’t need a doctor, I’m lumpin’ healthy enough. KES: The Emergency Medical Hologram. LSP: Oh my glob, don’t talk technobabble to me. KES: Computer, activate Emergency Medical Holographic Program. COMPUTER: Unable to comply. [Deck 6] (Tuvok and Janeway walk down the corridors. Tuvok has a tricorder.) JANEWAY: …And you suspect Finn came out of one of these rifts? TUVOK: It is a possibility. JANEWAY: (eyes widening) What is that… (The rift, which of course looks a bit like the one in “Deadlock”, closes, revealing Princess Bubblegum behind it, studying it with a tricorder.) PB: (spotting Janeway) Is it true I am on the other side of the galaxy? TUVOK: Captain, this entity is the source of the fructose I detected on deck five. PB: Yes, I am a source of fructose, because I am made entirely out of bubblegum. Who are you? JANEWAY: I am Captain Kathryn Janeway of the starship Voyager. And you are…? PB: Princess Bubblegum of the Candy Kingdom in the Land of Ooo. I have been detecting rifts in the space-time continuum with my scientific equipment. I had no idea where they might lead! But now I know, thanks to your sophisticated triangulation device. TUVOK: The navigational systems. JANEWAY: Yes, we learned from a boy named Finn that the rifts lead from the Land of Ooo to the Delta Quadrant. PB: You’ve met Finn? JANEWAY: Yes; he’s in sickbay. He’s okay now, but he had an encounter with the plasmatic systems in Engineering. PB: I have been here for a couple hours, reading the data on your computers. I know it’s rude to steal your equipment, but I had to find a way to get back home! JANEWAY: That’s quite all right. We have a common goal—getting home. TUVOK: Princess, how much do you know about the rifts? Do they only appear between the Land of Ooo and the Delta Quadrant? PB: I believe it’s the Land of Ooo and Voyager. Something in both your starship and Ooo is causing them. JANEWAY: All right. (IC) B'Elanna, I want you to start scanning Voyager for anything that could be causing the rifts. …Lieutenant Torres? KES: (OC) Captain, there is a problem. JANEWAY: (IC) What is it? KES: (OC) Please come to sickbay immediately. JANEWAY: Tuvok, find out anything you can about the rifts, with the help of Princess Bubblegum. (exits) [Ooo—Candy Kingdom] (Finn and B’Elanna are walking in silence. They are almost in the Candy Kingdom.) FINN: Hey, Bella— B’ELANNA: It’s B’Elanna.
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