Meaningful Jewish Living Rabbi Daniel Kraus

Jewish Lifecycles

The

“It is not good for man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18)

Bereishit (Genesis) 1:27 וַיִּבְרָ אאֱֹלקִּים אֶת הָאָדָ ם בְ צַלְמֹו בְ צֶלֶם אֱֹלקִּ ים בָרָא And God created man in His image. In the אֹתֹו זָכָר ּונְקֵבָה בָרָ א אֹתָ ם . image of God He created him, male and female he created them.

Bereishit 2:18, with Ramban וַיֹאמֶר ה' אֱֹלקִּ ים לֹא טֹוב הֱיֹות הָאָדָםלְבַּדֹו אֶ עֱשֶ ה God said, “It is not good for man to be ּלֹו עֵזֶרכְ נֶגְ ּדֹו. alone. I will make him a compatible helper [lit. one who helps opposite him].” רמבן: :Ramban "לא טוב היות האדם לבדו" - ... דו פרצופים [It is not good for man to be alone – [Originally נבראו ]עירובין יח.[ ... וראה הקב"ה כי טוב they were created [as one being] with two שיהיה העזר עומד לנגדו והוא יראנו ויפרד ממנו faces [and in this sense “man was alone” in ויתחבר אליו כפי רצונו, וזהו שאמר "אעשה לו …[that there was no one separate from him עזר כנגדו." but God saw that it would be better if one partner would stand opposite the other, so they could see each other, and they could be apart or together as they wish. This is the meaning of the [continuation of the] verse, I [God] will make for him a compatible helper.

3. Tradition Journal (Rabbi Pinchas Stolper), www.traditiononline.org The Biblical view of is unique among the many extant religious, philosophical, and sociological views. The Bible sees a married couple neither as two people who have made a contractual agreement, nor as two individuals who have entered into a lasting loving partnership, but as two halves of a whole, each of whom finds his or her missing half and thus reconstitutes a whole-ness, by recreating a pre-existent, independent entity. The Bible’s married couple is higher than the most harmonious, romantic, united-in-eternal-love “we.” It represents the creation of a new “I” in recognition of God’s creation of man and woman not as complementary halves of a unit known as the family, but as two halves of a single persona; a persona which, even before birth, was designated as one whole personality, and which, in marriage, transcends its temporary, post-natal bifurcation, each side of which finds its other half. Thus is created the ideal, reconstituted personality.

4. “Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother and he shall cleave unto his wife” (Genesis 2:24)

5. “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the land (Genesis 1:28)

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Meaningful Jewish Living Rabbi Daniel Kraus

Jewish Lifecycles

6. R. Tanhum said in the name of R. Hanilai, “Any man without a wife lives without joy, blessing or benefit. Without joy: ‘You shall rejoice, you and your household’ (Deut. 14:26). Without blessing: ‘To cause a blessing to rest on your house’ (Ezek. 44:30). Without benefit: ‘It is not good that a man should be alone’”(gen. 2:18). In the West they said, “Without Torah and without a protecting wall. Without Torah: ‘Is it that I have no help, and that sound wisdom is driven quite from me?’ (Job 6:13). Without a protecting wall: ‘a woman shall encompass a man’” (Jer. 31:22).

7. Rabba bar Ila says, “Without peace: ‘ And you shall know that your tent is in peace’” (Job 5:24). (Yevamot 62b)

8. The Rabbis taught, “one who loves his wife like his own self and honors her more than he honors himself and instructs his sons and daughters in the upright path…this is the one addressed by the verse, ‘You will know that your tent is in peace’” (Job 5:24). (Yevamot 62b)

9. R. Avira expounded…”one should always eat and drink less than he has and be satisfied with the clothes he has but should bestow honor on his wife and children with more than he has, for they are dependent on him, but he depends on Him Whose [mere] words caused the world to come into being.” (Hulin 84b)

10.

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Meaningful Jewish Living Rabbi Daniel Kraus

Jewish Lifecycles

THE WEDDING DAY – OUTLINE

1. Kabbalat Panim 2. The Bedeken (Veiling of the Bride) 3. The Wedding Ceremony 4. (Seclusion) 5. The Wedding Meal

KEY WORDS

- Tenaim - Kabbalat Panim - - Chupah - Chattan - Kallah - Mikvah - Erusin - Nusuin - Eidim - Yichud - Bircat HaMazon -

Marriage Minded? 3 Great Books

1. Made in Heaven by Aryeh Kaplan 2. The Jewish Way in Love & Marriage by Maurice Lamm 3. A Hedge of Roses by Norman Lamm

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Meaningful Jewish Living Rabbi Daniel Kraus

Jewish Lifecycles

A GUIDE TO THE DAY OF YOUR WEDDING

Your wedding day is an extraordinary time. Jewish customs serve as a guide to make the most of it.

THEMES OF THE DAY

Our Jewish Sages teach that the spiritual potential of what can be achieved on the day of your wedding is greater than any other time. It is worthwhile to prepare for it, physically and spiritually. It is likened to Yom Kippur, the holiest day of the year. The bride and groom wear white (some grooms wear a white coat (kittel) under the Chupah to remind themselves that today they start a pure and new life. While your prayers on Yom Kippur affect your potential for the coming year, your wedding ceremony and your prayers under the Chupah are directed towards your potential as a couple and the power of what you can achieve as a unit.

We are also taught that the union of marriage can bring about light and holiness into the world; and just before this powerful event is about to take place, the forces of negativity have greater strength. As you closer to the wedding, you and the people close to you will be presented with many tests, possible stress and anxiety. As these challenges present themselves it is so important to neutralize those moment and remember that a most powerful and transformative experience is underway and stay focused on the end goal, even if the means can present some challenges. As a result of the aforementioned, it is advisable to get as much sleep as time allows!

To make the most of the day, we use the Yom Kippur formula for self-transformation: the three T’s: Teshuva (repentance), Tefilah (prayer), Tzedaka (charity).

Teshuva: You say the special afternoon prayer service for the wedding day, which is said only one other time during the year – just before Yom Kippur. This is your opportunity to go through the ‘Viduy’ (special repentance prayer) in a way that is self-transformative. You can ask G-d to help you let go all of the obstacles that might stand before you, to break through all of the barriers and habits that hold you back. It is the most incredible and liberating experience. This prayer is normally said after midday but if your wedding is early in the day you may say it in the morning. As a part of Teshuvah, many brides and grooms also fast from dawn till after the Chupah ceremony (should this be challenging or medically unsound, please speak with me).

Tefilah: Your prayer today should have added focus and meaning. If you don’t normally pray, set aside some time to offer a personal prayer or meditation on this important day. Taking the time to reflect and think about all the things you want for each and allowing yourself to immerse yourself in a conversation with The Almighty will provide an unparalleled forum of meaning and purpose as you go throughout this very special day.

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Meaningful Jewish Living Rabbi Daniel Kraus

Jewish Lifecycles

Tzedakah: Begin the day by giving some charity – thanking G-d for taking care of you by taking care of His other children. When we give, we open ourselves as a vessel to receive blessings.

This is the time to ask parents for forgiveness. If a parent passed away (some have a custom to do this if a grandparent has passed away as well) go to their burial place and ask for forgiveness and for their blessing, as close to the wedding day as possible. This is also the time to express your gratitude for what they have done for you. Since you can’t possibly “pay them back,” you can express your desire to bring them pleasure from the home you will build. (Many people find that writing each parent a letter ahead of time is the best way to do it.)

BEFORE THE

On this very auspicious day, both the Bride and Groom have prepared for it physically and spiritually. Given the holiness that surrounds each of you on this day, there is a beautiful custom that the bride and groom bestow blessings upon others. It does not mean that they have “special powers,” but rather that their blessing is in essence a prayer for the good of another and their prayers reach higher on this day because of their spiritual state. Therefore, when you are greeting your guests, you can use this opportunity to give them blessings (ask G-d to help them meet their soul mate, or have children, recover from an illness etc.)

Immediately after the Bedekin, it’s an opportune time for parents to give the bride and groom a blessing for her future.. It is recommended that someone take you to a place where you can have a few private moments to focus just before walking down the aisle. As you walk towards the chupah you can visualize it as a beautiful entranceway to a new chapter in your life. You can leave anything you want behind you and walk into your new life. When you step into the chupah you will begin by walking around the groom seven (7) times and then stand to his right for the ceremony to begin.

UNDER THE CHUPAH

From the moment the bride joins the groom under the Chupah, we are told that the heavens opens and all sincere prayers will be received. Most people say that during this time you should not pray for anyone but rather for each other and the final redemption and eternal world peace. Remember that those prayers can impact your whole life together, unlike Yom Kippur, which only affects one year at a time! Everyone is different, but some have found it helpful to have certain prayers and/or thoughts written down with them was very helpful for those special moments.

The most important thing is that this is YOUR special time to turn to G-d from the deepest parts of you, so do what will work best for you.

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Meaningful Jewish Living Rabbi Daniel Kraus

Jewish Lifecycles

The Jewish Home

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