The Interdependent MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 THE VALUES SHIFT NEWSPAPER £2 BUILD YOUR OWN LEARN HOW TO CONSTRUCT A WIND TURBINE see inside Carbon Last big court opens in Paris super- ANDY WIMBUSH Legal correspondent

THE new United Nations Climate Court opened in Paris and shocked observers by naming the interna- tional Formula One company as defendants in their first action. Prosecutor Jean-Paul Mercredi store claimed that Formula One bosses had “flouted international efforts to reduce climate-changing fossil fuels” and that they were “revelling in a juvenile fashion at the damage they are doing to humanity”. The Climate Court was set up by the UN a year ago and still has no powers to enforce their decisions, but they can charge people and shuts its organisations they believe are undermining human efforts to stave off global warming. It is still unclear whether these inditements will have any effect, but observers believe they will make it harder for companies charged in this way to raise money and to operate. Formula One chairman Karl doors Schpeed has announced that he will DAVID BOYLE council leader Geoffrey Sullivan said that the site of the last store will be not be attending the court. THERE were tears as well as cheers demolished and turned into homes “I will not be represented,” he as the last of the giant superstores with small-holdings. said. “This kangaroo court has no shut up shop for the last time, after Unconfirmed reports suggest that jurisdiction over me. Our sport cer- Tesco-Virgin managers announced this will be the site of the govern- tainly uses petrol, but we pay a con- their last outpost must close. ment’s 150th new eco-village, which siderable amount in taxes and we “It is the end of an era,”said shop- will be self-sufficient in food and give pleasure to millions of people.” At a briefing in Paris after the per Edith Thomas, 68, cramming fuel. hearing, the prosecutor’s office set her last shop into her cycle-trailer Only shutters were visible this out the case against Formula One, outside the store, near Berwick. “I evening, but souvenir hunters have claiming that every Grand Prix feel like I’ve been shopping here my removed most of the wire trolleys raises the sea levels by 0.001cm. whole life.” that used to be such a ubiquitous aspect of British urban life. A source close to the prosecutor’s A handful of demonstrators were office says that the court plans to on hand to protest against the clo- Local food registrar Jemima Potts said she was angry with the com- broaden their scope, and will be indict- sure, which was announced late last ing companies that have played a role night. They sang ‘We’ll Meet Again’ pany for such a sudden announce- ment. “We may have months now causing climate change at any time and other nostalgic songs until far since the beginning of the century. into the night. A Tesco-Virgin when this site is unused, when there spokesperson said that the style of could easily have been a better han- shopping was no longer economic. dover,” she said. “The danger is that OBITUARY “We have been as loyal as we can squatters will move in and grow any to customers, but the time has come. old stuff on the site.” Branflake’s space Fuel costs are too expensive to sup- There remains controversy about ply the store and too expensive for the fate of the old Tesco-Virgin burial tragedy depot on what used to be the M1, our customers too.” RICHARD Branflake, one of the Tesco-Virgin was once the biggest which has now been vacant for five years seeking a buyer. A bid by leading entrepreneurs of the fossil- name in UK retailing, building a fuel consumer age, has died aged stranglehold over high streets and British Cabbage plc to turn it into greenhouses was rejected in January. 78 in a tragic accident during a out of town stores after a series of publicity stunt to launch his latest controversial takeovers and mergers controversial venture, Vergin beginning in 2012, swallowing up Burials in SpaceTM. most of the best-known brand Patriotic songs at Branflake was known to be eager names in Britain. to recover from the era-defining Recent years have seen a marked collapse of his space tourism decline in the company’s share price closure of last enterprise Vergin Galactic. as store after store was forced to BACK UNDER SAIL Witnesses saw Branflake trip at close. They continue to have a Tesco-Virgin, but Tall ship: the Chinese vintage ship Bejing in full sail as it arrived the launch, mistaking a hologram strong online presence at www.tat- of young models for the real thing, in Portsmouth Harbour yesterday, ready for the annual Atlantic uk.com managers say its and fall into a demonstration Protesters say they will continue race between sailing vessels old and new. To qualify, ships must burial pod which then automatic- to honour the company name as a just old-fashioned use wind alone to make the crossing. Other enhancements, like ally launched. piece of UK heritage, but Berwick solar or fuel cell technology are forbidden for the race. 2 Comment MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 The Interdependent SPECIAL READER’S OFFER The Jamie Oliver Compost Toilet Interdependent See tomorrow’s edition of The Interdependent We’ve never had it Anger as so good, have we? Grosvenor Square Munny.com THE NEWS yesterday that the top team of wind turbine builders, award-winning Gateshead United, was led by a former hedge fraudster fund manager demonstrates just how much the world has changed over the past genera- nightingales will tion. appears Decades ago, the money markets were run by the elite. Now we hardly notice them, and the business supplements that used to grace the pages of this and other newspapers are in the dock now energy supplements. In many ways the be singing again LOCAL currency fraudster role of money, which our parents watched Anatole Spratt has been sentenced with such fascination at the turn of the cen- CORRINA CORDON to six years agricultural service fol- tury - as the markets rose and fell so disas- Agricultural correspondent lowing the collapse of his internet trously - has been taken over by energy. currency Munny.com Are we better off as a result? The Prime THE last exclusive London Spratt looked shame-faced in Minister’s speech yesterday certainly sug- square has now gone under the dock, confronted by hundreds of gested that we are and, with some provisos, plough, after the failure of last those he had defrauded who we agree. It certainly makes the manufacture ditch legal action by residents crowded into the public gallery to of wealth more certain if all you have to do is of Grosvenor Square and the hear him sentenced by Mr Justice put up a turbine or a solar panel. We no Grosvenor Estate. Kotze. longer have to insure, in quite the same way The final legal obstacles to Munny.com was one of the that our parents had to, against market col- turning Grosvenor Square fastest growing complementary lapse. over to agricultural use were currencies, and was downloaded On the other hand, the work involved is overturned in the high court onto mobile phones by an esti- tougher, and the exhaustion of working until last week, and as expected the mated 1.5m people in Britain and we are 75 - when even the agricultural work tractors arrived at dawn this Europe. camps are beyond us - provides an edge to life morning. It was widely recommended by which our parents also never knew. We look A handful of local residents financial advisors because of forward, as the Prime Minister does, to the greeted their arrival with plac- Spratt’s boasts that it was based on success of our efforts to keep the climate ards, but within an hour the the value of potatoes. But human-friendly. square had been ploughed rumours that his own store of over. potatoes was actually non-exis- A last minute compromise Tractor power: the agricultural machines move into Grosvenor tence caused panic offloading of with the Grosvenor Estate pre- Square. the currency at the end of last year. Bring back luxury served the flowerbeds along Spratt asked for ten similar YES, we lead saner, healthier lives, but there the edge of the square, but the Wallis-Stewart, 79. “This the government’s Allotment offences to be taken into consider- are increasing numbers among us - especially rest of it will be parcelled up square has been a park for cen- Advisory Group, said he ation. The location of his agricul- among the young - who yearn for the lost lux- into allotments for local peo- turies and has remained sacro- remained “very concerned” at tural service is being kept secret uries of the past. ple. sanct in that time, just for the the lack of progress creating for fear that he will be targeted for There were reports last week that a group of The former Rolls Royce car occasional wedding reception. allotments in other parts of the revenge attacks by those who lost students dressed in suits and dresses in showroom, which has been It made me weep to see the country, especially in the money as a result of his fraud. provocative 1990s style, throwing old-fash- empty since 2015, will be used tractors coming in.” Scottish Highlands. ioned banknotes around in the street, had as a farm shop. It is expected All London’s squares are There had been expectations been pelted with bottles by passers-by. We that at least 350 allotments will now used for agriculture, as that Grosvenor Square would unhesitatingly condemn this kind of be created by the new space, are most of the parks. New be closed in as greenhouses, Fudge goes Puritanism. bringing the number in forests in the east of London but the Allotment Advisory Many of us still remember with affection London now to over 250,000. open up the possibility of new Group has said that no the days of sports cars and designer frocks “It is an absolute shame,” parks and green spaces. announcement will be made to No. 1 and there is a place in all our lives for a little said local resident Jasmina Jasper Sutton, a member of about this until the Spring. luxury and, dare we say, decadence. spot with WEATHER Campaign draws line in sand veg song THE latest internet boy band LINDSAY MACKIE Fudge has gone to the Number 1 slot in the British Cabbage Pop A NEW conservation lobby group has been Charts with their song You Insulate formed to protect the seafronts of Britain’s most My Heart. developed resorts, threatened with a new wave It is their first Number 1 hit, and of high rise hotel development. the track was downloaded 78,019 The founder of Keep Seaside Special, times in the first day of release. Algernon Cox, says he already has more than a Fudge are famous as one of the hundred celebrity endorsements. top virtual bands in the country. “Unless we act now to rein back on this over- They exist only in cyberspace development, our seaside resorts are going to thanks to creator Gerald Gheek. look like Benidorm in the bad old days,” he said You Insulate My Heart is at the campaign launch in Whitby. believed to be the first song about Whitby has been the centre of growing con- insulation to reach the Number 1 troversy after the tenth high rise hotel was given slot. planning permission on the seafront in just six months. All too much: Whitby seafront as it is “The planning authorities seem to think that, today - but what does the future have in Remember the as long as the new hotels generate all their own store? electricity, that it doesn’t matter how many land near the sea can now fetch. floods of 2013? there are, but that’s nonsense,” he said. “It is One site in Whitby is said to have fetched a time we took action to keep the traditional record £32m at auction last month. See British seaside resort as it used to be.” “Our own people are being priced out of the www.neweconomics.org Published by new economics foundation (nef), 3 Jonathan Street, London SE11 5NH. The campaign follows growing concern at the seaside,” said Whitby mayor Ryan Collins. WEATHER WATCH Typset by P M Evans, The Print Centre, George Street, weight of numbers visiting Margate, Worthing, “They are being pushed aside by energy specu- Banbury. Printed by Reach Marketing Communications, Whitstable and Climping, now that foreign lators. It’s disgusting. People just want an inch page 4 Trinity Hall, Trinity Lane, Leicester LE1 6WP. travel is so expensive, and the high prices that of sand. It’s not a lot to ask.” The Interdependent MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 News 3 Another drain to get the river Breath of wind for Heathrow

VICTORIA JOHNSON treatment THE next generation of wind turbines and solar panels take shape on the old runways at the former Heathrow Airport. It has been five years now since the last plane took off here, and now the tarmac runways of Heathrow to generate power much of south west London. But the old days of small-scale wind power is over and the next generation is taking its place. Heathrow began life requisitioned as a bomber base at the end of the Second World War, and burgeoned to become one of the world’s busiest micro-hydro airports. Its demise followed the rejection of plans for a third runway STEWART WALLIS of their homes has been enhanced and that after legal action by local authorities new business ventures are possible that and environmental groups. were not before,” they said. Heathrow is now one of the LONDON’S lost river Effra is to be dug up There is now a thriving salmon fishery in foremost examples of quad-power, and brought into the open air for the first the River Westbourne, which now flows where all the by-products of energy time for nearly two centuries, to provide overground across north London. Salmon generation are put to use, including energy for parts of the south east of the city. heat, light and water. have been visible leaping out of Cardiff’s One crumbling Boeing-747 is The Effra is the third of London’s forgot- River Taff for a quarter of a century. kept on site as a reminder of what ten rivers to be re-discovered. The River The search for old rivers is continuing Heathrow used to be. It is now once Fleet now flows down what used to be round the country. The Local History Fair wind: wind turbines on the old Heathrow more surrounded by the market London’s Farringdon Road, providing a fast Coalition, which is capitalising on the redis- site: they are now providing energy for part of gardens that used to dominate the method of transport from the outskirts of covery of forgotten knowledge, has opened west London. area a century ago. the city to the centre. new branches in 22 new towns this year Other former rivers are being rediscov- alone. ered in Birmingham, Liverpool, Man- Chair Maximilian Stephens said: “History chester, Glasgow and Cardiff. is now back in fashion, and you can make a The Effra rises in the hills south of good living from it too. Our members are London and flows underneath Brixton and not just tracing forgotten rivers, they are other suburbs. Work on rebuilding the teaching forgotten craft and agricultural river will begin in the summer and is skills as well.” expected to take two years. The first micro- hydro plant is expected to be generating electricity in 18 months time. Local residents associations have already ‘History is back in threatened legal action, and there are fears of extra flooding risk. But an Environment fashion and you can Agency spokesperson said that their fears are “misplaced”. make a good living “We can expect that those living along- side the Effra will find, like those living from it too’ alongside other former rivers, that the value I was wrong, says former PM PERRY WALKER

BRITAIN’S longest surviving former prime minister, Tony Blair, has admitted that he delayed the nation’s response to a changing climate. Cardinal Blair, who is now one of the Pope’s most senior advisors, says that a fatal attraction to damaging new technologies like GM food and nuclear energy - both of which centralised decision-making into the wrong hands - deluded him during his pre- miership, which ended in 2007. “I have to admit that I was slow to under- stand what was going on,” said Cardinal Blair, speaking in a BBC documentary to be televised tonight. “I am glad to say that I am fully supportive of the good work so many people have done to ward off human disas- ter. God is on their side.” Blair was criticised at the time for his dis- Blair: I was wrong. astrous invasion of Iraq and he joined the Roman Catholic church shortly afterwards. figures in British life three decades ago, and The documentary, The Forces of asked them why they were so slow to Conservatism, interviews a number of key respond to the crisis. 4 Sport MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 The Interdependent NEWS IN BRIEF New re-skilling Carrots on the line college opens A NEW college launches today to spread basic knowledge of Banstead’s team crop-growing, cooking and pipe-lagging to immigrant head for groups in UK cities. The University of Re-skilling is the European victory product of two year’s negotiation between in the Dangerous government and the energy services industry, and aims to Veg stakes, equip 10,000 people a year with despite official the skills they need to survive. disapproval. Veg gets recognition from Chelsea at last CHELSEA Flower Show will By Andrew Simms open this year under its new name Chelsea FAV, the Flower, ENGLAND’s Dangerous Veg team Allotment and Vegetable Show. is in line for the European title for There has been considerable the first time, after winning a vital opposition to the change of semi-final last night. name from traditional The Dangerous Veg game, only gardeners, but the basic five years old, now has a televised changes - the awards for following of anything up to five allotments and vegetables - million in the UK alone, despite have now been in place for 11 complaints from some commenta- years. tors that it is “slower than cricket”. Team captain Anna Banstead swept into the lead last night, after Row over BBC her winning carrot - grown on a job loss figures rocky outcrop of the Giants Winning veg: England’s Dangerous Veg team is in high spirits after a memorable semi-final last Causeway - won the support of THE last old-style electronics night. more than half the compuTV factory has closed in the West viewers at home. ings soared after the accidental Midlands, amidst complaints “It was a tough moment,” she death of former England captain that the BBC news failed to said. “Right up until I saw the Ralph Leaf, tragically run down on report the job losses. “All they scorecard I wasn’t sure we were the West Coast Main Line while Ten years zero carbon did was give the figures for the through, but I’m absolutely over tending a patch of cabbages. amount of carbon saved,” said the moon and very proud of my WALES today celebrates the ten Official disapproval of the sport, union convenor Jack Step. “My team.” year anniversary of becoming the WEATHER which has been condemned by the members are worth more than Anna Banstead was a former first zero carbon nation. Bureau of Health, Safety and Good that.” The Sparks Factory has compuTV presenter before she got Lord Monbiot, of Machynlleth WATCH Sense, has served mainly to been open since the 1970s but involved with the only dangerous was nominated by the Welsh increase its popularity. There have has been laying off staff for sport to involve growing vegeta- Assembly and then appointed by affected over a third of the popu- been other tragic accidents by three years. “It’s the end of an bles. “I grew a cauliflower half way the Queen in May 2013. Lord lation resulted in two weeks of amateurs, especially when the era,” said Mr Step. down one of the cliffs at Lyme Monbiot led the most ambitious protesting in Cardiff, led by the finals are televised. Regis,” she said. “After that I was transition programme of its Centre for Alternative Anna Banstead believes just hooked.” time, declaring Wales a Technology and 12 Transition Asthma Society England’s prospects are now excel- Her victory was in doubt when Transition Nation just a few Towns. lent, thanks to the late substitution votes to wind up the French team last year revealed months after his appointment. The protesters demanded that of the Leeds onion genius Victoria a patch of onions grown in no- In early 2013, the Hadley Wales lead by example and THE Asthma Society has voted Cross. man’s land between Israel and Centre declared that the devas- become the first zero carbon to wind itself up after an Palestine, but this was eventually tating floods in south and west nation. The ‘Fortnight of acrimonious annual general ruled as ‘foul’ on appeal. Wales in late 2012 were unequiv- Discontent’ as it is now known, meeting in Manchester, “It was clearly in breach of the Banstead in ocally due to climate change. led the eventual nomination of bringing to an end half a no war zones rule,” said Anna Using the new Hadley Centre Lord Monbiot, who celebrates his century of campaigning and Banstead. “But there were objec- come-back after Coupled Climate Model 4 66th birthday this year. research on behalf of tions from the French that, just (HadCM4) for the first time, the “It was the civil society move- asthmatics. “The truth is that because it was an area of interna- veg blip in last centre was able to directly attrib- ment that has supported me all the rates of asthma have fallen tional military tension, that didn’t ute a weather event to climate the way, and I owe them even so sharply over the last ten make it a war.” year’s warzone change. more than the planet does,” said years that we felt it was time to The growth of Dangerous Veg This news and the devastating Lord Monbiot. “Together, they use what resources we have to now seems to have an interna- impact of the floods which have proved what the human do something more useful,” tional following. CompuTV rat- foul. caused over 200 deaths and spirit can achieve.” said Society chair Jilly Chest. Control Express MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 THE BACK TO THE WAR NEWSPAPER £2 IS YOUR JOURNEY REALLY NECESSARY? THINK ABOUT IT! see inside Abundance party gets Police swoop on by-election boost RUTH POTTS Political correspondent

THERE were angry scenes at the count at last night’s by-election in carbon bandits Maidstone town hall, after a shock win for the new Abundance Party. Abundance candidate Givus 32 held in raids Moore took the seat, after two recounts, from the Conservatives in a 56 per cent swing. More than one Conservative candidate Roger Less was pushed into third place gang involved by the Liberal Democrats. This is the first by-election test for the new Abundance Party, Old people have dedicated to ending rationing. Party leader Victor Wallace hailed been targeted the victory. “This is the first nail in the cof- fin of the government’s rationing straitjacket,” he said. “One more VICTORIA JOHNSON heave, and we can be free.” Government censors blacked out coverage of the candidate’s POLICE swooped this morning on victory speech. Carbon minister a gang accused of cheating old Julius Ryan-Collins said that he people out of their carbon credits. had taken the decision because the At least 32 people, including men national emergency required that and women, have been arrested in the Abundance Party should not co-ordinated raids on properties get more than its fair share of cov- in Birmingham, Liverpool and erage. London. “The constraints on us are such Police say they are still question- that we cannot tolerate too much ing 25 of them, who are held using questioning of our nationally special powers under the Climate agreed rationing,” he said. “The Act, which were specifically tar- carbon credit system was agreed democratically. We do not have geted at carbon credit fraud. the freedom to unravel it every “This was a particularly heart- time there is a by-election upset.” less crime,” said Chief Superintendent Jim Sell, who led the investigation. “We have been OBITUARY on their trail for a year now and there are now a number of people From Vergin helping us with their inquiries.” Convictions for carbon credit to compost fraud carry prison sentences of up RICHARD Branflake, once a to 20 years under the Carbon Act. leading entrepreneur of the One Thames prison hulk has been Under arrest: the first police raids on suspected carbon fraudsters taking place early this fossil-fuel consumer age, has morning on a house in Glasgow. set aside just to house those con- died aged 78 in obscurity on an victed of carbon crime. their credits by their children and banning doorstep callers from organic farm in Devon, of the The raids follow the controver- other relatives. using carbon credit transfer on the chronic celebrity ailment, non- recognition fatigue. sial CompuTV documentary last ‘This is a These raids reveal a more organ- doorstep. After losing control of his year which revealed that, although ised attempt. Police sources sug- But opponents of the bill claim energy-intensive Vergin business personal carbon credits had been gest that these raids are related to that the benefits of easy transfer empire in 2012 when the designed to give struggling pen- particularly only one of a number of carbon must be defended. government took radical action sioners an extra cushion - which fraud gangs, involving doorstep “The fact that carbon credits can to re-engineer the economy, they could use for heat in the win- callers purporting to be charity be transferred just using mobile Branflake’s hyper-consumerist ter - many of them were not seeing heartless crime’, collectors asking for credits. phones means that they are much business style went out of the benefits. Backbench Liberal Democrat more available to people to use as fashion. Deprived of the oxygen of publicity he quickly took on a The compuTV programme MP Jack Pavement has introduced they wish,” said MP Polly Peck. “I a private members bill, due to be am determined to defend the dishevelled, rambling claimed that thousands of older say police appearance. people were being cheated out of debated in Parliament next month, scheme from the technocrats.” Control Express is approved as carbon-neutral by HM Department of Carbon Affairs. 2 Comment MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 Control Express Join your local Dig for Low Carbon Club. Control Express www.digforlowcarbon.gov.uk Britain can take it: Whitworth the PM is right New unit to tackle THE Prime Minister’s Edinburgh speech, Park to be which was reported on all compuTV chan- nels, was an important statement on the global crisis. He says that “Britain can take it” ploughed and we heartily endorse his faith in the British rationing cheats people, forged as they have been into a tough, hardy machine to resist the changes in the cli- cial surveillance and arrest powers. mate we see all around us. CORRINA CORDON over Opposition spokespeople immediately Where this newspaper has doubts is about Crime correspondent demanded to know whether powers would be MANCHESTER’S most famous the wisdom of the decision to black out news taken away from local authorities energy stan- park is to be taken over by the of what the demonstrators in Edinburgh were CARBON investigations by the police will now state-owned British Agriculture actually saying. When we reported the distur- be carried out at national level, co-ordinated by dards officers, whose responsibility carbon crime has been until now. Group and will be used for farm- bances outside the Scottish Parliament build- a new Carbon Crime Unit of the English State ing. Former government minister Bert Sack asked ing, we followed other news outlets by black- Police. Whitworth Park will close at the the minister to deny rumours that the new car- ing out the words on the placards, and we The announcement was made in the House of end of the summer and ploughing regret the necessity. Commons today by the Climate Secretary, bon unit would be armed as a matter of course. will take place after that. A We support the BBC’s decision to run inter- Charles Shady. The plan had been leaked last Mr Shady said that information was classified in perimeter fence is expected to pro- views with the demonstrators, who were crit- week in the Sunday papers but had been denied the public interest. vide extra security from ical of import controls and other aspects of by sources close to the government. “I want to provide no assistance to the shad- September. the Prime Minister’s Austerity programme, The plan for a specialist carbon police means owy spivs and businesses who are cheating the There had been hopes that and to have their actual voices replaced with that any organised infringement of the British people out of the weather they deserve,” Whitworth Park would escape the those of actors. rationing regulations will now be reserved for he said. “Anyone who cheats the rationing sys- fate of the other big parks in UK This kind of flagrant disregard of all but the the Metropolitan Police. The unit will have spe- tem is cheating us all.” cities, but British Agriculture letter of the government’s Carbon Debate Group chairman Sir Augustine Regulations should be unnecessary, but Large said that they ran the risk of unfortunately, in today’s climate of censor- failing to meet food production ship, it has to be. targets next year unless they did The government was right to arm itself Ministers: ‘eat more spinach’ so. with these censorship powers. There are A PLEA to families to ‘eat up Eating “Our main problem is feeding forces out there which would undermine the the British cities,” he said. your spinach’ will be made by the green: Daniel government’s efforts to keep the British way “Although it is painful to take over government, launching the of life alive in these difficult times. But to Munch, 6, a place devoted to leisure for two campaign in the autumn, to clamp down on simple dissent, refusing even tucks into a centuries, it is right that the cities improve the health of the nation. to engage in the arguments, simply plays into plate of should do their fair share of the the hands of the enemy within. Food and Survival Minister government- work in our state farming effort.” Geraldine Green has promised approved Protests by conservation groups that this will be the first of a new spinach. have already been banned under The rise of Abundance generation of government Daniel will carbon dissent regulations. information programmes for WE still live in a democracy, and - at least in feature on The famous ducks will find a compuTV. It will be backed by a the Maidstone by-election - the people have the official new home at the wildlife centre in major poster campaign in city spoken. We may not like what they have said: posters. Slimbridge in Wiltshire. No such there is undeniable frustration at the rationing centres. home has been found for the other regulations, but a widespread acceptance that “It is time people took more animals. this is what must happen. But they have a responsibility for getting through Other parks facing the axe right to say it. the difficult winter period,” said include Stanley Park in Liverpool. But rights must go with responsibilities, Ms Green. “We have put huge The two football grounds at either and we have a responsibility to the nation - to resources into growing more end have long since been turned protect our way of life despite the changing spinach. The least the public can over to crop-growing. On the weather - and that is the higher good. So do would be to take the benefit of plus side, many of Briain's most although we should tolerate pockets of revolt, it - but how can they do that if famous parks are now producing and should do so without the heavy hand of they don’t eat enough of it.” food. government censorship which has been so evident in recent weeks, that does not mean that tolerance should become an end in itself. We can no longer afford it. Tariff change threatens groups WEATHER LIZ SUTTON bon in the atmosphere.” Tariff threat: The Development Trusts Association and Alexander THE SURVIVAL of hundreds of commu- the Society of British Esco Development do Polecat (right) nity anchor groups is in doubt after not normally co-operate, but say they will in combative changes to the carbon contracts announced join forces to fight the plans. mood, and by the Treasury. “Our most pressing problem is that ‘car- (below) Many community organisations are bon dissent’ is banned by the government, lollipop funded primarily by the savings they make, and we don’t want to fall foul of those reg- supervisors either in carbon or in other forms of gov- ulations,” said SBED director Martin Wild. provided by ernment expenditure like crime or ill- “But we are determined to make our voice East End health. heard on this.” Education Those contracts depend on Treasury tar- and Health, iffs for the assumed savings, and these will whose roles be cut by ten per cent from the start of the 10 per cent are now next financial year. under threat. Alexander Polecat, the general manager of East End Education and Health, said that cut in carbon the new tariffs put all their activities at risk. “My organisation does a great deal to save the government money, and to save carbon tariff sparks rage on behalf of us all, and we share in those savings to fund our activities,” he said. www.neweconomics.org Published by new economics “If these new tariffs drive us out of busi- in community foundation (nef), 3 Jonathan Street, London SE11 5NH. Typset by P M Evans, The Print Centre, George Street, ness, then it will be very much more Banbury. Printed by Reach Marketing Communications, expensive for the government in the long organizations Trinity Hall, Trinity Lane, Leicester LE1 6WP. run. There will also be much more car- Control Express MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 News 3 Minster is safe

In the wind: wind farms can says oil chief now be built in beauty spots. Wind farms set for beauty spots but campaign ANDREW SIMMS WIND farms will now be allowed anywhere where anybody is pre- pared to build them, following government announcements that they will be exempt from planning is reaching legislation. This has been virtually the case now since wind farms, and other renewable energy installations were given precedence over local objections in the 2019 budget. But the new announcement goes further and now covers any land boiling point except crown land, including national parks and areas of out- standing natural beauty. STEWART WALLIS “We have not yet reached agreement, but Previous announcements have we believe we can,”she said. “We believe the been greeted with considerable inconvenience is worth the resources that opposition from conservation YORK Minster will not be moved to extract the government will be making available. groups, but these have now been what is believed to be the last oil reserves in We have been assured that there is no threat ruled illegal under climate dissent the UK, say energy chiefs - but furious local to the Minister itself.” regulations. people don’t believe them. Local campaigners are furious at the Not moving on: after only a millennium in Abundance Party leader Victor North Sea oil and gas, which proved to be scheme and say they do not believe the gov- one place, the medieval York Minster building Wallace risked arrest by calling the ernment. decision a charter for private such a bonanza in the 1980s and 1990s, offi- is not being moved to make way for drilling profit at the expense of the her- cially ran out in 2018 when the last rig was “The assurances are not worth the paper equipment, now that Britain’s last oil reserves itage of the nation. We are unable dismantled. they are written on,” said local campaign have been detected underneath, but to report his exact words after But it has long been believed that some of chair Deirdre Dreadful. “We believe this is a campaigners are still furious. legal advice. the final reserves might exist underneath the smokescreen for plans to move or demolish mainland. Oil experts believe this may be the cathedral.” the last find in the UK. “The fact that it has come to light under York Minster is a considerable inconven- ience,”said Climate Secretary Charles Shady, at a London press conference. “But we will York Minster use all the engineering ingenuity we possess, and there is no need to move the Minster to extract it.” is ‘considerable The oil is too valuable to be used for UK energy, and would anyway be restricted by carbon regulations. It will be sold on the inconvenience,’ world market. The Dean of York, the Very Rev Jemima Mbeki, said that negotiations with the gov- says minister ernment had been continuing for two months. Say cheese, says Sophie at a cost I just like FARM worker Sophie Lactose has cheese: blown her whole monthly carbon Sophie budget on a 500g slab of old-fash- Lactose ioned Cheddar. and her “I just like cheese,”says Sophie, 27. slice of “I miss the taste horribly. I don’t see Cheddar. why I shouldn’t eat it, and when it was my birthday, I thought ‘why the hell not?’” As well as becoming a luxury in recent years since the drift away from dairy farming, and the import rationing regime, cheese also takes a great deal of carbon. “I don’t care that this cheese comes from Italy,” she says. “I know it’s selfish of me, but you need to have luxury once in a while.” Sophie says she is relying on her parents to feed her and provide her with carbon ration units for the rest of the month. The British Cheese Association is using Sophie to publicise their Cheese Nostalgia Weekends, which start in the spring. 4 Sport MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 Control Express NEWS IN BRIEF Carbon literacy in Lambeth to face Reds curriculum boost CARBON literacy will get a more central place in the national The British Agriculture curriculum as part of its latest review, according to sources slose Group League reaches a to the Department of Education. Carbon literacy has been compulsory for all pupils from crescendo in a clash the age of nine since 2025, but ministers have decided that it between Lambeth and does not yet go far enough. Exam results have been level for Greater Manchester. the last three years, and ministers want to counter the rise of anti- rationing opinion, and political By David Boyle groups like the Abundance Party. THE British Agriculture Group table tennis trophy Re-open Heathrow, looks set to be dominated by a battle to the finish by the two leading teams, Lambeth and Greater says airport protest Manchester. HEATHROW protestors fell foul The two giants of the table will clash in the New of the government’s carbon Crucible in Birmingham City Hall next week, follow- dissent regulations when they ing agreement about compuTV rights to the game. staged a demonstration urging The Lambeth team will be led by captain Jean- ministers to re-open the airport. Francois de l’Oeuf, who began his sporting career in We are forbidden to report the the final football season before the grounds were req- content of their demands uisitioned for food. precisely, but regulations allow Greater Manchester continues memories of the old us to say that the demonstration attracted about 500 people - days of football, and will be playing as usual in the many of them carrying aircraft Red and White strip pioneered by their owners wings - and disrupted traffic to Manchester United Sports Clothing Ltd. the Heathrow Energy Centre for The final comes after an energetic season which saw Come on you Reds: Greater Manchester team in training at a secret location. about three hours. They are the early ejection of favourites now being questioned by police. Aberdeen and Rutland. The British Agriculture Group League is facing serious competi- Sellafield sealed tion from the private league pio- Twelve years since pig summer off for 10th time neered two years ago by Australian compuTV magnate Les Work- THE former nuclear power plant Harder, which has revived some of WEATHER at Sellafield has been sealed off the old names of football. WATCH again after leaks from the nuclear But the traditional table tennis waste dump. Armed police moved in last night when Geiger game, rescued by local government A LITTLE known fact is that counter alarms sounded, for the in 2021, remains more popular in the real origin of the tenth time this year. The terms of viewers. European food, energy and increasing radioactivity in the “Table tennis is now the national water ration scheme that Cumbria area has raised fears game, and I’m proud that we are that homes in the area will began in the late 2010s was the making it possible to thrive again become more difficult to sell. 20 month drought of 2015/16. this year,” said British Agriculture There are already limits on home An anomalous circulation Group chairman Sir Augustine insurance around former nuclear pattern caused an unprece- Large. “I have insisted on a good sites. dented 20 month period of match for the final and that is what lower than average rainfall I expect.” over most of Western Europe. ID card defaults Insured losses due to subsi- dence estimated at £2 billion rise by 7 per cent for UK alone. Agricultural THE number of people arrested Table tennis losses in the UK were valued for failing to produce a valid at £600m. carbon allowance/ID card rose Reductions in hydropower by 7 per cent last year, according is now our capacity through much of to government statistics. Europe led to 600 per cent Carbon allowance/ID cards have increase in mean energy been compulsory since 2020, national game, prices. French milk yields and must be carried at all times. were reduced by 25 per cent. Most people stopped without their card escape with no more says Augustine At the same time, over than a fine, but some face 100,000 pigs were slaughtered further investigation under the as watering requirements Pigs to the slaughter: one of the side-effects of the weather Climate Refugees (Emergency Large could not be maintained. crisis of 2015/16 was the mass slaughter of pigs. Powers) Act. Coping Standard

MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 THE WE STAYED RESILIENT NEWSPAPER d5 INSIDE: PALM TREE SEEDS NOW YOU CAN

GROW YOUR OWN SHADE Detailed instructions, see inside Support website New hope for the blacked out again LINDSAY MACKIE Anglian refugees Media correspondent MILLIONS of users of the social networking compuTV site Supportbook were faced with New pre-fabs blank screens for four hours yes- terday. launched Technicians fought to track down the source of the shutdown, which was traced to a computer Will be made of worm released by the interna- tional terrorist group Climate glass and straw Rage. Supportbook now claims at least a third of the UK population, Wolverhampton allowing them to build mutually supportive relationships with peo- camp will be first ple and groups in other countries. Supportbook claims that it has been able to provide support to two billion people around the ANDY WIMBUSH world, swapping resources and friendship and helping each other A NEW generation of pre-fabs out in difficult weather episodes. will tackle homelessness among The compuTV site is hosted in British refugees who have moved six different regions of the world, out of flood-hit East Anglia. to avoid fatal shutdowns. But The pre-fabs will be built users in the UK have been badly mainly on the sites of former out hit, from worm attacks and also by of town shopping centres, most of frequent electric black-outs. which closed during the past Black-outs have been increasing decade. during the severe weather condi- The government has not yet tions that began in the winter. announced how they will be allo- cated, but Refugee Agency presi- OBITUARY dent Lord Steinbeck said that it would be “on a first come, first Branflake hit by served basis”. The pre-fabs have been re-boot tragedy designed by a special team from the Royal Institute of British RICHARD Branflake, once famous Architects, following a compuTV New hope for refugees: for his Vergin record company and the Wolverhampton displaced persons camp, outside Birmingham, for giving medical science a new competition organised by the which will be the first to benefit from the new pre-fab high-rise homes. BBC. They are made out of BSG condition to name and study, outskirts of Birmingham and the cated in Glasgow within three 'compulsive re-branding disorder,' (British Straw Glass), a new mate- has died aged 78. rial made from recycled bottles northern cities. months. In later years, Branflake's profile Lord Steinbeck said that the There has been some criticism and agricultural waste. Steinbeck: fell as people found little use for The pre-fab initiative is the first new pre-fabs would be rolled out of the high rise design of the new his companies' products and major project to be announced by with increasing speed once manu- homes, which can be constructed society started making and doing the Refugee Agency since it was ‘pre-fabs will facturing has got under way. in a week. But RIBA spokesman many more things for itself. launched last year. It responds to “I hope these new homes - and Damian Bodge said that people In desperation, Branflake was widespread fear about the plight encourage that is what they are - will encour- should consider themselves lucky thought to be experimenting on of refugees from Norfolk, Suffolk age those who are still living in to live in such modern designs. himself with a new Vergin bio- and Lincolnshire who have been such difficult conditions in “This criticism is typical of the synaptic multi-media fusion more to leave Norwich and Ipswich to take the backward-looking nonsense that transporter. He died when his forced out of their homes by cleaner's mop accidentally hit the extreme weather conditions. risk of setting up house some- architects have to put up with. re-boot switch with Branflake in Ministers hope the new pre-fab drowned where secure,” he said. The lack of windows is an innova- mid-transport between his Vergin communities will relieve pressure The pre-fabs will be manufac- tive safety feature,” he said. “The Galactic low orbit space craft and a on some of the displaced persons tured in former car plants in light comes in via a highly imagi- daytime TV studio. camps that now dominate the homes’. Coventry, but this will be repli- native atrium.”

DON’T FORGET: PUT THIS NEWSPAPER TO GOOD USE WHEN YOU HAVE FINISHED READING IT 2 Comment MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 Coping Standard FLOOD PRONE? Get £500 off home insurance by Coping turning your concrete drive into lawn. Standard www.digitupagain.ins.uk It’s not enough and it Sophie has may just be too late Double the number THE pre-fab initiative announced yesterday no fear will be an enormous relief to the hundreds of thousands of families from East Anglia who are eking out an existence in displaced persons camps - and even more for those families liv- in oldie evacuation of flying ing in what is now a precarious existence in the uncertain landscape of East Anglia. FLYING campaigner Sophie We congratulate the Refugee Agency on Lactose has revealed she has been their organisation, though there are still ques- bombarded with hate messages tion marks over the quality of the homes and set for the summer since her celebrated statement that the speed at which they can be rolled out. she would “fly for as long as I pos- But there is a deeper matter of concern. The ANDREW SIMMS sibly can”. number of homegrown refugees from East Climate correspondent Sophie, 28, was offered a model- Anglia and the other badly hit areas of Britain ling contract after she earned her has been increasing at an unprecedented rate. HOME Office officials have notoriety backing flying, even Three years ago, there were 10,000 of them; released instructions for the though most airlines have now now there are at least 20 times as many. evacuation of anyone over 75 converted into haulage companies The pre-fabs were designed at an earlier from southern England during or lost their state subsidies and stage in the crisis. The mechanisms for rolling the summer months. wound up. them out assumed a far smaller number. The This is the second year run- “I was so upset by some of Refugee Agency itself is resourced only to deal ning that the evacuation has them,”she said. “Some of the mes- with a fraction of the problem that we face, been attempted, and this time sages said that I was personally and every week there are more destructive officials say the target numbers causing the weather crisis. All I storms and more homeless people, needing to will be about twice the 200,000 want to do is fly.” be housed and fed maybe hundreds of miles people who were moved last She says she has been forced to from their homes. year. change her mobile phone address A whole generation is grown up in condi- Most of the evacuation will and to delete her Supportbook tions that might have horrified an earlier gen- be done by individuals on entry. eration of Britons used to climactic crises in public transport, making their “I have even been stopped in the street and called an ignorant other parts of the world, and who put their way to designated collection Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye: a few of the hands in their pockets to reach out to help points over a two week period. bitch,”she said. “It isn’t funny and older people from Portsmouth testing arrangements for it isn’t clever. But I don’t care: I’m when they could. They will already have been the evacuation this summer and putting a brave face on it. Our fear is that the crisis is evolving faster assigned lodgings with volun- still going to fly if I can afford it.” She denied that she had ever than our new institutions, and their carefully teer hosts who will be able to cases where the IT systems sent Despite the evacuation last received money from European- honed policy, can cope with it. We hope we look after them during the couples who might have been year, an estimated 12,000 American Airways. are wrong, but we may not be - and those who summer. Those who are not married for 50 years or more people over 70 died in the “All they did was pay my rule us need to realise it quickly if we are not. well enough to travel them- to separate addresses. I know heat wave in southern expenses when my dress was selves, or who need medical one case where the wife was England, not including the ruined in that egg throwing inci- care will either be assigned to sent to Cheshire and her hus- casualties from the hurricane dent,” she said. Make them pay more air-conditioned medical facili- band, who was in a wheelchair, that hit Bournemouth in THE discomforts, and in some cases sheer dan- ties near their homes, or to to the Cairngorms.” November. ger, faced by so many of the British population specially organised medical A compuTV documentary because of the ferocious weather conditions did camps attached to regional by the BBC in September told not come out of the blue. We were warned by hospitals north of Birming- the stories of a series of the previous generation and those who took ham. romances between pensioners decisions at the time largely ignored the warn- Refugee Agency officials Up to who had met because of the ings. promised there would be no evacuation last year. Those who ignored the signs before it was too repeat of the disastrous com- They include the marriage late are not all still with us, but many of them puter errors that marred the 400,000 old between Jake and Kylie Lyon, are. Some of them are old and infirm and evacuation effort last year. both 86, who met in a com- should not be open to public humiliation, but Help the Age Concern direc- mandeered guest house in we agree with the latest speech by Refugee tor Stewart Auld said that there people to be Whitby last summer. Agency president Lord Steinbeck that those had been administrative errors The Women’s Royal who allowed this crisis to happen should pay last year because of faulty soft- moved this Voluntary Service, which looks the price. ware, and they would be mon- after older evacuees in transit, itoring the success of this said that they were aware of at year’s evacuation. year least 25 weddings as a result of I’m still flying high: Sophie WEATHER “I know of a number of last year’s efforts. Lactose shakes off criticism. Black-outs hit south east LINDSAY MACKIE incompetence. It threatens people’s lives Energy editor and heads must roll. We don’t want a repeat of the fiascos of 2024 and 2025.” In at least two local government districts, THIS year’s black-out season began in stand-by grids failed to provide the neces- earnest yesterday when electricity shortages sary power, shutting down hospitals in both hit homes between London and Reading. places. There was news of looting during Hundreds of thousands of homes were the black-out in Plymouth. forced to face searing heat of over 34 Black-outs hit compuTV broadcasting degrees without air conditioning for four from Paris, after the Droitwich server was hours from 12 noon. brought down in the power cuts. The incident was followed by other Off-grid homes and towns, including black-outs in Bristol, Plymouth, Oxford Woking, escaped without incident, but and a number of other areas in the south some found that power was reduced as Midlands. their local grids came under extra strain. Energy spokespeople said they had There were also reports of black-outs in www.neweconomics.org Published by new economics under-estimated demand for power some of the northern cities, as the grid foundation (nef), 3 Jonathan Street, London SE11 5NH. because of faulty weather forecasts. Blacked out: commuters in Reading Typset by P M Evans, The Print Centre, George Street, struggled to restore power in the south. Banbury. Printed by Reach Marketing Communications, Heat and Light Campaign spokesman Northern city leaders complained that the pick their way through the darkened Trinity Hall, Trinity Lane, Leicester LE1 6WP. Fred Jerk said: “We utterly condemn this south east was draining power from them. streets. Coping Standard MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 News 3 Wheat ‘Racist’ jibe as soars to new high disturbances on global and arrests hit markets WHEAT prices have reached a record 1120 high on world markets following the wheat crop failure in northern Europe last year - and the recent storms in new convoy of central England look set to push prices higher. Supply authorities confirm that this will almost certainly mean ten per cent price rises for bread over the next few months, just as Dutch refugees families are already suffering from 50 per cent rises over the past two years. “This will create genuine hardship,” said Geraldine Spokes, of the South East England arriving in UK Alliance of Community Hubs. “We will be appealing to the PERRY WALKER stirred up the kind of public anger that government to intervene in the Refugee correspondent ought to be directed elsewhere,” she said. markets to prevent this crisis This is the latest in a string of similar turning into real hunger.” demonstrations against refugees, especially Opposition spokespeople have THERE were disturbances yesterday at the targeting the Dutch, who have been particu- warned of real hardship after the arrival of a convoy of buses with Dutch larly successful at integrating themselves in uncertain harvests of recent refugees in the refugee transit camp at the economy. years. Wheat is now too Aldershot. Refugee Agency chair Lord Steinbeck said It’s a wash-out: farmers in Leicestershire expensive to import on a large Demonstrators shouting slogans greeted it was an “ominous sign for the future”. inspect crops after the recent storms. The scale, which is why old-fashioned 20 buses with chanting and slogans, and Britain has been forced under the Paris harvest crisis looks set to exacerbate wheat wheat bread is now so hard to there were ten arrests for public order Treaty to accept their fair share of European and other staple prices on the world markets. obtain in the UK. offences. Union refugees, though the promised The demonstrators were condemned later European funds have not yet been forth- by an alliance of community hubs and coming. refugee support agencies who criticised The Pope, Leo XIV, has taken up the cause police for failing to arrest more of the per- of Europe’s refugees since the Papacy’s petrators. recent move to Brussels. “These demonstrators were racist, no more and no less,” said Flora Macdonald. “We utterly condemn any kind of behaviour that exacerbates a very delicate public mood.” Ominous sign There are now an estimated 600,000 Dutch refugees in Britain, many of them liv- ing integrated into the community, but for the future, many of them still in transit camps. “The trouble is that these people, who have lost everything when their own coun- says Steinbeck try was overwhelmed, have quite innocently Cooking cascade from learning hubs LIZ SUTTON is now so huge, and the resources so small, Education correspondent that we have to use what we have got.” The community hubs have been taking increasing responsibility for teaching basic A NEW bid to bring education, health and skills, like window-boxing and simple cook- carbon awareness is being launched among ing - as well as literacy and basic maths, European refugee communities, including often accepting payment in Volunteer the transit camps. Credits. A key element of the new project is to provide skills for young refugees, and also to their surrounding UK communities, in growing and preparing food. The project is the result of an alliance between the South East London Alliance of Community Hubs, the campaign group Stupidity Alarm and the compuTV cam- paign Comic Relief. They will be recruiting a new generation of teachers and health practitioners, espe- cially among those made redundant over the past decade during the Dissolution of the NHS and the privatisation of the schools. They will work in pairs, setting up com- munity classes, teaching people who will then go out and set up classes of their own. “This is a new version of the Victorian monitor system,” said Stupidity Alarm chief Catching on: children in Bristol executive Marian Shrek-Wilson. “The need learning how to cook potatoes. 4 Sport MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 Coping Standard NEWS IN BRIEF Stanley Park to accept landfill It’s back to basics STANLEY Park in Liverpool has now been fenced off following the Extra security is being government announcement last week that it will be used for laid on for this week’s emergency landfill. Stanley Park is the 16th park to be treated in this grudge match between way, and is believed to be a Manchester United and response to local government anger that the big parks had been Blackburn Rovers – and immune from the consequences of the crisis. It is believed that Stanley Beckham is expected too. Park will initially host government reserves of unsold glass for By Andrew Simms recycling. TENSION is mounting in Blackburn city centre Weymouth hit by for the play-off between Manchester United and Blackburn Rovers next week. record heat deaths It is only a first round FA cup tussle, since the WEYMOUTH was worst hit in the football season was switched to the summer to October heat wave, with a record save energy, but the traditional rivalry between 65 deaths in one week, making it the two teams - since they were forced to share the number one hotspot in the UK grounds when Old Trafford was first ploughed up for heatwave mortality. The next - has meant extra security and armed police worst place in Britain, patrolling the streets. Basingstoke with 46 deaths, was in There is still simmering resentment from old- fact subjected to higher style football fans since the league went bankrupt temperatures, which has led to questions in Weymouth about in 2020, and for the reduction to five-a-side to fit why the mortality rate was so into temporary city centre playing space. high. Weymouth council The measures reduced crowds, set free playing spokesman David Solar has field space for badly-needed crops and cut the blamed the age profile of the area, demand for floodlights, but the notorious Back explaining that older people are to the Shed gang - blamed for recent disturbances more susceptible to high in Liverpool and Newcastle - are expected in temperatures. Blackburn as well, as part of their violent cam- paign for back to basics football. Both Blackburn and United have been in the Aussies reject UN top five in the British Agriculture League since resettlement levy the season began in May, and the FA cup clash is On the touchline: souvenir salespeople set up in Blackburn city centre, ready for seen by supporters on both sides as a way to sort the big match that will be taking place in front of them. UNITED Nations plans to resettle the population of parts of out issues between themselves Indonesia, now that tropical areas before they meet in a formal league have been effectively closed, have game. run into trouble in Australia. Security is also being tightened Australian prime minister Jackie because of reports that Sir David Remembering the big flood Underdown has refused to accept Beckham will be watching the the Australian quota decided by the game, in his capacity as honorary ON 5 January 2015. London work on Barrier II had still not UN Climate Council last week. advisor to Manchester United act- experienced the worst floods ever WEATHER been completed, after it ran into That means that the Council will ing manager Bill Ball - standing in recorded. Thousands of people financial problems in 2012. have to be reconvened, and it may for Sir Alex Ferguson, who is now were evacuated from East WATCH But the risk of a flood on this put the British levy in doubt as semi-retired. London, and the Olympic com- scale was not entirely unexpected. well. Ball is short of strikers, after a plex was damaged beyond repair - The Mayor of London, Piers month of serious injuries, and just two years after the 2012 Morgan, had been slow to appre- Unipart schools to United will have their work cut out Olympics. 12 years on, ciate exactly how damaging such making an impact on Blackburn’s It began with a perfect storm. an event could be, despite close next week formidable defence duo. On New Year’s Eve, a low pressure repeated warnings from the SCHOOLS are expected to close There has been speculation that system moved over most of how the great Environment Agency. Fourteen for the weekend early in south Ball is about to buy the entire southern England and the chan- years on, the Thames Gateway east England because of uncertain Aston Villa team, after their spec- nel causing high winds and a flood over- Memorial Wetland Centre, is all weather conditions. Unipart says tacular series of victories over the huge storm surge, which coin- that remains of the ambitious that their own schools, which past two months. He is threaten- include a high proportion in Kent cided with a spring tide. housing development pro- and Sussex, will close next week to ing to revive floodlighting for char- The unusually high tide, low whelmed gramme. ity matches and has clashed with avoid a repeat of the chaos that pressure system, and heavy rain- Sadly, only some of these cru- football regulators on the issue. followed storms last November. It fall resulted in a wall of water the old cial lessons were ever learned and means that pupils will be available which witnesses claimed was over the consequences are only too to help the evacuation of older Download the game direct 25ft high. The ageing Thames obvious today. Maybe it is still not people from the flood hit areas Thames Barrier that was announced yesterday. to your head. See page 10 Barrier I was unable to cope, and too late even now. Chaos Telegraph MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 THE CHAOS AND LIFEBOATS NEWSPAPER £10 HOW TO STAY ALIVE BUILDING YOUR OWN BARBED WIRE SECURITY FENCE Full instructions inside Six held in motorway At least 20 piracy conspiracy LILY SWAN killed in Travel editor SIX motorway guards on the M1 have been arrested and accused of corruption and piracy. The guards, who are still unnamed, are accused of taking bribes from travellers, over and above the security tolls, and prey- violent ing on those who refuse. The arrests follow months of rumour and accusation that the motorway guards themselves were among those responsible for the high profile robberies along the Watford Gap stretch of the M1, new border which remains the only secure north-south highway. Under the Highwayperson Act, the six accused could face the death penalty, if found guilty – if they ever come to trial. The six are employees of the pri- vate British Motorway Security, clashes which has the franchise for keep- ing all the main roads safe south of that the incident was regrettable. the Spaghetti Junction. “I am sorry that trouble has returned to A spokesperson for the com- Anglian Martyrs the borderlands, but I must emphasise that pany refused to comment on the it was successfully contained with minimal arrests, saying it would breach blamed again loss of life,” he said. “These people must commercial confidentiality. understand that we can’t afford to let them The news follows arrests of 30 These people are in at the speed they want to come.” other British Motorway Security Mary Sadly, whose border guard husband employees in October, accused of scum, says Sadly was assassinated by a sniper in January, said bribery in the Scottish border she was appalled that these incidents go contracts affair. unpunished. Major General Sir Damien Spar- ‘Hereward the Wake’ “These people are scum,” she said. “Don’t tacus, commanding the Midlands they understand we have to live as well? My District, said that no action would is sought husband was just doing his job, like his col- be taken against the company. leagues who sound like they have shared his fate yesterday.” OBITUARY VICTORIA JOHNSON Policy towards the Anglian refugees remains contentious, but the repeated dis- turbances along the border seems to have Fuel mix-up SERIOUS disturbances have been reported crystallised opinion against them across all in the Peterborough area near border posts dooms Branflake political parties. to some of the Abandoned Districts. A man calling himself Hereward the RICHARD Branflake has died aged At least 20 are reported killed in clashes Wake, who claimed to be a spokesman for 78 in a devastating blow to his near two checkpoints. Reports say that there the refugees, has demanded a meeting with business ambitions. Against were at least two simultaneous attempts to medical advice Branflake had Major General Oliver Wellcrom, command- rush border guards from the camps in East decided to join the long-delayed ing the Eastern District, to discuss what he Anglia. inaugural flight into space of his calls “the systematic murder of my people”. There were shots and explosions, and - in new initiative Vergin Galactic. General Wellcrom’s office confirmed that one instance - CS gas was used when the Tragically, the project team a warrant had been issued for his arrest. miscalculated the necessary fuel checkpoint was seriously threatened. load in a confusion between A Tesco Security spokesman said there THE WOLVES ARE BACK metric and still-popular imperial had been no signs of trouble in the vicinity measurements. of their own checkpoint on the Norfolk bor- More deaths in Not as nice as they look: wolves which were The Vergin Galactic space craft der, a serious flashpoint in the past. filmed crossing the Scottish border near ran out of fuel once achieving Unconfirmed reports suggest that the border battle, but still Berwick yesterday. It is the third attempt this orbit. NASA said they were too incidents were co-ordinated by elements of year by wolf packs to come south. They were busy to help, and everyone else the Anglian Martyrs Brigade, which is still later pursued and eliminated by army units. It said that, in any case, they had no active despite the execution of their leaders, no retaliation against remains a mystery how wolves came to be re- spare fuel. A campaign has begun the so-called Fakenham Three, in Sept- introduced into the British Isles, but zoologists to declare the orbiting craft an suggest it may have been a misplaced scheme official monument to the fossil ember. militant refugees fuel age. Security Secretary Angus Hardiman said to tackle the rat epidemic in Edinburgh in 2023. 2 Comment Chaos Telegraph MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 A BETTER BIT OF BARTER Chaos Telegraph Use Tesco-Virgin money - every nickel helps Why we need to respond in kind to the Anglians Another night riot IT COMES as a shock to us, and no doubt to our readers too, that the series of outrages at border checkpoints on the Anglian border are continuing. We understand and sympathise with the plight of ordinary families from the at Heathrow camp region who have lost their homes and are dependent on the food and water so gener- ously given by us. But that is no excuse for killing those who are doing their duty to the nation by keeping out the weight of numbers sparked by copters that would destroy our ability to feed our- Down but not out: the Sussex mosquito selves in these difficult times. RUTH POTTS We say that enough is enough. The Anglian Terrorism correspondent Martyrs Brigade is clearly still active and, unless it is resisted, we can only expect it to grow. We will then see a resurgence of their POLICE have quelled another Ministers perverted demands and methods. outbreak of violence at the There is only one language these people Heathrow Displaced Persons understand. For every border guard killed or Camp. hail drop passer-by assassinated, we urge the govern- Water cannon and CS gas ment to exact reparations by making an were used yesterday in another equivalent number of arrests among the riot at the notorious Heathrow in malaria refugees. If they can see how their actions are camp, which still houses endangering their own, it may provide some 270,000 people who remain check to their excesses. homeless after the Great There is a danger, as we keep being told by London Flood of 2026. by 2 per cent the human rights lobby, that behaving in this Many of them had already way will undermine our moral authority. We been made homeless the previ- MALARIA cases fell by two per say: stuff moral authority. This is an ous year when central London cent over the past year, says the unprecedented crisis in the history of our was engulfed. Department of Health. nation, and we must respond. They are angry that the gov- Health Secretary Joseph Pale- ernment remains in Oxford, Green claimed the statistics as a The new pessimism though the ten hunger strikers major step forward for public were persuaded to abandon health. ELSEWHERE in this issue we review the new their demonstration earlier “Thanks to the government’s film The Road, and the controversial role of this year after the intervention malaria campaign, launched in actor Daniel Radcliffe. The philosopher Lord by the Prime Minister. 2025, I believe we are now winning Mulgan has attacked films of this genre - and He confirmed that it was the battle against this scourge,” he the recent obsession with the history of the their intention to return to Cause of trouble: the Heathrow heliport keeps us said. Dark Ages - as evidence of the ‘cult of pes- London, though critics have awake, say refugees. Malaria only arrived in England simism’. We agree with him. The news is not pointed out that Westminster in 2022, but within two years it good, and part of our historic nation has been remains under water. of a million people, many of been unscheduled flights at was claiming up to 10,000 lives a abandoned to barbarism and the sea. We Camp spokesperson Jamie them children.” 3.30am and afterwards, taking year, mainly in Kent and Sussex. believe in England - the nation of Shakespeare Perimeter said that the spark The Heathrow heliport has key government and business An experimental move to put the and King Alfred - and, despite the global crisis, for the riot seems to have been contracted their protection to representatives to catch flights anti-malarial drug Larium in the we will rise again. anger in the camp over heli- Tesco Security. A spokesper- to the Beijing conference on water supply in Hastings was But how can we rise again if we obsess copter noise after the agreed son confirmed that there had internal security and global blamed for a major rise in about our nihilistic futures? We will face the 3am limit. growth. reported mental health problems. future when it comes, as we always have, with “There is no doubt that the “There was no danger to the It was discontinued, though the stoicism and pragmatism. As Oscar Wilde continued presence of the Business flights whatsoever,” he said. Department of Health maintains said: “We are all in the gutter, but some of us Heliport does exacerbate the “The heliport is protected that this was simply because it was are looking at the stars”. situation,” he said. “Of course demands heliport from the camp by three lines of not considered effective. Mulgan is right: keep your eyes on those global passport holders must razor wire, plus watchtowers The legal challenge by the stars. continue to fly, but some kind should stay open, and dogs. English business Larium Support Group, demand- of compromise must be possi- needs this access to the outside ing government compensation for ble now that Heathrow is also despite complaints world, and we are committed those affected, is expected to come WEATHER home to more than a quarter to keeping it open.” to court by 2032. Turnip trouble on the way ANDY WIMBUSH mal way to those who can afford them. Exotic “English shoppers can still expect excel- veg: parnips THE failure of last year’s harvest will put lent value,” he said. “We will maintain the and peas extra pressure on food stocks this autumn - Tesco-Virgin promise to our customers” will only and could mean shortages of basic vegeta- Resources minister Hector Rattlesnake be bles. said he was confident that the population available Prices for potatoes and rice have now will not go hungry this year. to risen by 630 per cent since this time last “We have faith in the English kitchen, the registered year, though they remain steady for Tesco- English housewife and househusband,” he shoppers, Virgin money. said. “Things are difficult, because of the and at the Subsidised government parsnips remain global crisis, but they are not impossible.” usual available in parts of the West Country, but A Tesco-Virgin attempt to grow rice in prices. are otherwise available only on the black some of the Abandoned Areas, at a secret market. site believed to be in Lincolnshire, has been Tesco-Virgin chief executive Sir blocked by legal moves by Monsanto- www.neweconomics.org Published by new economics Augustine Large has promised to make Dupont. foundation (nef), 3 Jonathan Street, London SE11 5NH. Typset by P M Evans, The Print Centre, George Street, basic bread available, but exotic vegetables These follow failed negotiations over Banbury. Printed by Reach Marketing Communications, like parsnips and peas will only be available rights to their rice seeds, which are believed Trinity Hall, Trinity Lane, Leicester LE1 6WP. through their shopping systems in the nor- to be the only legal seeds now available. Chaos Telegraph MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 News 3 New pill Genetic heritage offers beef and knowledge casserole ANDY WIMBUSH

NEW flavour beef casserole pills deposited in go on sale in Tesco-Virgin tomorrow. The company is prepared for heavy demand, as there was when the new chicken casserole pills went on sale in June. space thanks to The new food has been developed in government laboratories in Aldermaston, and funded by the Tesco-Virgin group. Like other Nu-foods, they revive traditional English dishes that have become too expensive and last Chinese rely on ingredients that can no longer be farmed here effectively. Pills provide an equivalent in sustenance and satisfaction of eating a medium-sized beef casserole. Tesco-Virgin satellite launch advertising is currently emphasising that the pills are LIZ SUTTON The former British seed depository, “better than the real thing”. including traditional varieties, which was “We have been working on THE unmanned Space Taxi Green Dragon put under the Arctic ice cap in 2015 was lost Into posterity: Chinese rockets blast the something along these lines since has blast off from its Shanghai launch site in three years later when the ice cap melted. Green Dragon Space Taxi into orbit carrying the demise of the beef industry,” what is believed to be the last satellite launch A parallel squabble has been resolved seed and intellectual deposits. The complete said Tesco-Virgin spokesperson of the decade. between the government and National Art works of English literature will also be Hilary Capsule. “We are confident Space commentators suggest this might Collections Fund, which wants copies of the preserved in space, as a guarantee against that these pills are the perfect actually be the last satellite for the foresee- great works of English art deposited in safe catastrophe on earth. solution for busy people today.” able future, given that the Chinese Space deposits near Lake Windermere. Agency is now effectively bankrupt. The government has ruled that the moun- On board is communications equipment tain deposits are required instead for for Tesco-Virgin, and other global corpo- radioactive waste. rate, but also a complete copy of Wikipedia and a stash of preserved seeds donated by the world’s seed banks. Their deposit in space is expected to ensure their survival beyond whatever cli- Shakespeare, mactic conditions may emerge in the future. Included on the voyage is a digital version Austen, Dickens and of the complete works of English Literature, which was put aboard thanks to the per- McEwan are shot sonal intervention of Tesco-Virgin chief executive Sir Augustine Large. Green Dragon will return to earth on into orbit for Thursday and will be mothballed. The launch follows months of interna- preservation tional wrangling about what seeds should be included. The final settlement came down in favour of seeds owned by in space. Monsanto-Dupont. Climate clashes set PMQs alight PERRY WALKER parliamentary reporting restrictions on the Political correspondent exchange, on condition that the Prime Minister’s reply was reported in full (this is THE Prime Minister clashed with the oppo- on page 26). sition at Prime Minister’s Questions yester- Opposition benches groaned when the day over who should carry the blame for the Prime Minister rose to reply. “Everybody worsening weather conditions and continu- knows in this country, apart apparently ing climate crisis. from the honourable member, that the crisis To opposition cheers, leader Richard was brewed in America and that the package Clever urged the Prime Minister to come of measures we have in place is not just clean about whose finger was on the climate effective, but is being copied all over the button. world.” “The prime minister has time Clever: and time again claimed that this is a global climate crisis,” landed he said. “When will he admit blows on that it arose on his watch, the PM and has reached the (right) in crescendo it has on our clashes at shores, in a way that has not Prime affected any other nation in Minister's the world?” Questions Government information yesterday. officers have raised the normal 4 Sport Chaos Telegraph MONDAY 5 JANUARY 2027 NEWS IN BRIEF Nuclear chief plays Bring on the machines down fuel losses ONLY 175,000 kgs of plutonium are now missing, say English There are nuclear chiefs, denying claims that the losses have been much two weeks higher. Pierre Glowworm, chairman of English Nuclear ago until the Enterprises, played down fears that the plutonium losses are related to terrorism. “These are opening purely bureaucratic losses. They show up on the accounts because ceremony in we do not know exactly here these consignments are, but we Beijing, and are certain they are still in our possession. We take security very the English seriously.” robots are Budget to increase army payroll again ready. NEXT week’s summer budget is expected to announce an By David Boyle increase in army personnel of another 12,000, to be deployed PREPARATIONS are now in their in the border areas, as well as final phase for the English team at other new security measures the Bionic Olympics, which opens along the major highways. The news has been denied by Home in Beijing next month - and hopes Office spokespeople, but has are high of gold medals in javelin been confirmed in a new leak and hand co-ordination events. from the department which is The English top hope is the due to appear in the Sunday Tesco-Virgin robot, named after papers this weekend. Sir Augustine Large, which is expected to pick up medals in the Horses will need chess and draughts event. Tesco-Virgin has revealed that licences for cities there is now a waiting list for their Our boys in training: the English team is put through its paces. HORSES will need special latest compuTVs thanks to a last licences to enter the big cities minute rush to tune into the open- their own security enclave. from next April, according to ing ceremony. The international terror groups Department of Transport The Chinese authorities have Jefferson Alive and al-Qaeda have officials. They claim that clean- announced that the high security The great aerosol scandal up costs are now too high and been reported to have joined some means must be found of stadium is now complete, and that forces for an assault timed to coin- THIS year marks the ten-year - although individual spectators discouraging horse transport in cide with the Olympics, but anniversary of the International WEATHER urban areas. Opposition will not of course be admitted - Olympics chiefs say that security is Geoengineering Agreement, spokespeople claim that the there will be unprecedented tight. agreed at the COP-23 climate WATCH move will simply price out compuTV coverage as the robots The English team will be hoping talks. poorer people from entering clash. to avoid a repeat of the short-cir- Following the terrify predic- normal pressure at 45 latitude in cities. There is global excitement about cuit they suffered during heats in tions of the Hadley Centre both hemispheres. the much-hyped clash in the Ho Chi Minh City in March. Coupled Climate Model 5 This resulted in severe storms Spartacus to step cycling event between the two top (HadCM5), leaders hastily during the winters over the UK down in Autumn Chinese robots, 0.22676893aba signed up to an ill-thought out 2017 and 2018 until the effect of and Wei Hei, sponsored by the agreement, based on highly the aerosols eventually subsided. THE major-general American giant Coca-Cargill- uncertain science. There were also significant dis- commanding the Midlands Security is District, Sir Damien Spartacus, Toyota. QinetiQ-BAE won the con- ruptions to the African and English bookmakers say that will step down in September tract, and, over a period of three Asian Monsoons. The changes to after 18 months in the job, betting is up 12 per cent compared tightened on months using hi-tech artillery the rainfall patterns over these to the previous Bionic Olympics in which includes responsibility guns, injected 5 million tonnes regions caused the great famine for Birmingham and many of Bangalore in 2023. of sulphate aerosols into the of 2019 that affected over 1 bil- the biggest English cities. Sir The final rounds of betting will fears of stratosphere. lion people. Damien has been linked to be televised in front of a live audi- While the aerosols produced To make matters worse, at the rumours that he will be ence of up to 60,000 in the Old terrorist attack some of the most colourful sun- same time Siberia experienced succeeding Sir Augustine Large Trafford stadium in Manchester. sets and sunrises, the ‘winter higher than average tempera- in the top job at Tesco-Virgin, Global passport holders from warming effect’ caused by the tures during these winters which but this has been denied by Home Office sources. Sir the international compuTV frater- on bionic absorption of heat radiated from accelerated the melting of the nity are expected in Beijing in Damien’s crowning achievement the earth’s surface resulted in permafrost, releasing 10 billion has been the pacification of the force over the next few weeks, and higher-than-normal pressure tonnes of methane into the they will be watching holographic games events Wolverhampton refugee camp over the poles and lower-than- atmosphere. after last year’s riots. versions of the Olympics events in