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Exposing the Nightclub Industry, Part 1: Velvet Ropes On October 26, 2011 By Mark Manson · 22 Comments

Guest post by Xander.

“Everyone is either trying to preserve or disprove who they were in high school.”

- Alec Sulkin, TV Writer

I’ve spent a ridiculous amount of time in nightclubs. More than I care to admit or consider. I remember when DJ’s played entire songs and bottle service was something that happened at recycling plants. Things have changed in the 10+ years I’ve been going out in Hollywood but as the saying goes the more they change the more they stay the same. The faces change, the venues close, remodel, and reopen, and the drinks get poured and consumed but the basic spectacle of the human mating dance and its peculiarities remains the same.

In this first of three articles, I’m going to be giving a peek behind the velvet rope. I’ve spent considerable time on each side of its cruel velour as both patron and promoter and will offer you a view of the landscape with an insider’s eye.

Club Life

Nightclubs have a daunting economic reality. There are huge start-up costs including liquor licenses, leases, furniture and décor, and yet clubs have very short life spans. Good clubs are good for less than a year and hope to hold on for an additional 2 to 3 years before closing down and starting over. This means that while the club has its run the owners have to milk it for everything its got. They do this, ironically, by denying entrance to as many people as possible. At least as many men as possible. In nightlife, the product is the women. Sure the music and the venue matter but chubby Persian guys aren’t paying $1000 for a pair of $40 bottles of Grey Goose to watch some trust fund kid play his iPod. They are there to (try to) hook up (have sex) with beautiful women. The proprietors of these places would call it “selling an experience” but "what they are really selling is sex and self-esteem". Because as soon as you put a rope in front of something – anything really – and say no to people, basic human nature dictates that they will do almost anything to make those resurfaced feelings of awkward teenage angst disappear. Even billionaires crumble under the weight of their own insecurities. This is the business model of a nightclub. Clubs seek out the “right” crowds via promoters. Rather than the club itself finding attractive men and women and guys willing to spring for bottle service, owners and general managers contact promoters they know can deliver an abundance of attractive women to serve as bait for hopeful and spendthrift men. Promoters work independently and often in hierarchical structures not dissimilar to the Mafia, with high level promoters outsourcing grunt work to lower level sub-promoters and everyone skimming from everyone else. In the movie of my life, I hope Ray Liotta plays me. The women, of course, frequent these places to feel cool, to feel better than other women, and to meet guys. The clubs perceived “exclusivity” is a boon for women who would rather compete for a few high status guys than have hordes of drunk, horny undesirables pawing at them all night.

Plato’s Cave

Image is everything in nightlife. The women spend hours looking their best and the clubs create false demand by keeping lines outside of empty venues. The patrons often are looking for validation either by gaining entrance or gaining the affections of attractive strangers. Once inside the basic message that people often try to convey when they are in the club is “I’m having more fun than you.” It’s conspicuous consumption at its finest. But look a little closer and you’ll see that the emperor has no clothes.

While it seems that a bunch of great looking people got together to celebrate some occasion that you wish you were a part of, in fact club goers often only get together to club. Thus, the relationships in nightlife are often very tenuous. Girls that go out together are less friends than they are coworkers of sort, going-out partners looking to maximize their dwindling shelf- lives, Promoters may seem to be great friends (or more) with the girls at their tables but it’s often a symbiotic relationship that enables each to fulfill their role. The girls get to feel like they are in the “in” crowd, get free drinks and are allowed to rest their tired, stilettoed feet at the promoters table while the promoters fulfill their mandate to bring attractive girls to the club. But the reality is that the promoter has 4000-5000 phone numbers in his Blackberry, with girls grouped by rating (on a 1-10 scale of course) so the promoter knows which girls to invite to which events. Even worse, the promoter will group girls of the same first name together so when he sends out his mass texts on Saturday afternoon they look personalized (e.g “Hey Jenny, {paste generic “come to X club tonight.”}) Lovely, isn’t it? This objectification of human interaction permeates the club experience and, combined with the virtual anonymity offered in such large gatherings, engenders superficial and transactional interactions among participants. Frequent club-goers often become jaded and disengaged. Rather than having a good time with their “friends” you’ll often see people standing on the couches texting people who actually care about them.

Facebook Me

Comedian Dave Attell hosted a show from 2001 – 2004 called Insomnaic where he traveled city to city hanging out late night, getting drunk, and rabble-rousing. In a recent interview he offered the following,

“I don’t think I could do that show now. Those late night scenes just aren’t there anymore. A lot of these kids I think are more content just to be on Facebook and the computer than they are to actually go out. They just really want to get a picture to post to their buddies wall, and that’s about it.”

There’s a lot of truth to this. Facebook has changed the game as promoters craft their images via their profiles (lame private jet profile picture anyone?), recruit and filter customers, and even fire out mass invites via Facebook events. Much of the social competition that women engage in also has moved out of the club and online, as funny and provocative pictures garner much more validation with much less effort than a night on the town. Even before the rise of social media, nightclubs were taking a hit. I was surprised to hear a general manager tell me that he thought business had declined 20% because of the rise of internet dating. Although the nightlife scene is sometimes referred to as a bubble, it seems as though it is not immune to the trends that are affecting the rest of the world. If the goal is simple P in V sexual relations, nightclubs can seem anachronistic in a world of world of online dating, Facebook, Twitter, and Foursquare.

Last Call

At its best, nightlife is an extravaganza of the senses. The aesthetic and architecture of a well made venue, the aural pulsing of the speakers emanating deep-bassed drumbeats and of course the parade of beautiful women in short miniskirts and their painstakingly crafted illusions inciting feelings in men that hearken back to stolen kisses beneath playground swing sets. The clubs and "the promoters" do much of the legwork for a single man. They scour the city for the most attractive women, house them in one place, engage them with alcohol and near seizure- inducing sights and sounds, and pit them against each other in a skin-to-win competition for the attention of men. Under the right circumstances and with the right people, nightlife can truly be a fun and exceptional experience.

At their worst, clubs exploit human frailty. Insecurity can manifest itself in fights (men) or eating disorders (women). Addictions can be enabled. And people can confront a great chasm between what they seek and what actually makes them happy. If lived in too long, club life becomes the social equivalent of junk food. Sweet and satisfying at the beginning but ultimately leaves you feeling empty.

Exposing the Nightclub Industry Part 2: Club Girls On November 2, 2011 By Mark Manson · 32 Comments

Guest post by Xander.

“How the hell could you front on me? There’s a thousand you’s, there’s only one of me”

– Kanye West

Consider this thought experiment. Imagine a beautiful woman. She grew up in a mid-sized town in Minnesota where she was always the prettiest girl in school. Prom queen, cheerleader, even her biology teacher turned into a bumbling baffoon around her. Her whole life people told her she was gorgeous, ascribed qualities to her (some real, some imagined) that made her feel exceptional, and generally made the world cotton for her perfectly manicured toes to walk on. Maybe she went to college where she enjoyed sorority life and dated the bartender at the local post-game spot. In her early twenties she decides she’s outgrown the town and moves to the big city to pursue her dream of being an actress (LA), model (NY) or kept woman (Miami). Mostly she’s looking for fun and adventure and fulfilling the destiny that she was meant for something more than getting married after school and settling down with her on-again, off-again ex-boyfriend.

She’s excited to experience the big city and fantasizes about meeting someone famous and ending up as tabloid fodder. She finally meets some cool girls through work and starts frequenting the latest spot that she’s read about in magazines and on TMZ. It’s very exciting at first; the people dress well, she sees the celebrities she was hoping to see and she hardly makes it into to work in one piece those first few weeks. But she realizes quickly that she’s not in Minnesota anymore. While the nights are fun and the drinks are free, she looks around each night and realizes that there are a hundred girls that look just like her. Same Bebe dress, same hairstyle copied out of InStyle magazine and same pair of Louboutin’s that she can’t afford. She can’t help but feel…disposable. Another nameless, faceless mini-skirt in a room full of them, shepherded around like cattle by a promoter.

The feeling she gets from the men she dates, if you can call them dates, is that they view her as a completely fungible commodity. They want to have sex with a hot girl and are not that particular about which one. They don’t put forth much effort and don’t seem to mind much when she ignores them for a bit when she’s angry. She can’t help but feel very…..ordinary.

Within a few short months, she’s already over the scene. She knows every promoter, she’s been to the afterparties, she’s met the D-list celebrities, and it’s all the same night after night. She doesn’t even really enjoy clubbing anymore and realizes that none of the people she considers “friends” would visit her in the hospital if she broke her foot. She just doesn’t know where else to meet guys and going out is marginally better than staying home by herself.

Maybe she does this for a while, rotating venues and even friends periodically. While she’s been going out almost every weekend and has dated lots of guys, the girl who was never single back home now hasn’t had a boyfriend in the three years she’s been here. Despite constantly being in a crowded venue, she’s never felt more alone. This is reality for most of the girls in nightlife.

Reality Check

Underneath it all, she's just looking for a little affection... like the rest of us.

Most of the girls in a club on a Friday or Saturday night are not what you would think of as “club girls.” They are girls just like the ones in the preceding parable. They don’t do coke (maybe adderall to lose weight once in awhile) they aren’t hooking up every single weekend, and they aren’t hanging out with anything remotely resembling an “A-list” crowd. Most of them work jobs or go to school and while they love to tell you about some celebrity they hung out with or some mansion party they attended, their lives aren’t really all that fabulous.

It’s worth noting that there is a certain small segment of the female club-going population that does live that life. They get flown out to party in exotic locales, they “date” famous men, they don’t have real jobs, and they often get paid for sex one way or another, either via a (probably married) sugar daddy, in exchange for drugs, or in actual transactions of prostitution. These are the real “club girls” and they should be avoided like canker sores. They’re like vampires, soulless creatures who suck life-force and resources from anything and everything around them, without regard or scruples or anything that could be construed as humanity. They generally come from poor backgrounds (although occasionally very wealthy ones) and end up as trophy wives or mistresses (see the Real Housewives series for a glimpse into their future).

Each girl in a club is slightly different. You are best served by treating them as individuals rather than trying to lump them into some preconceived idea of what kind of girl goes to a club. Because the reality is that most women in their 20’s residing in major cities go to nightclubs at least occasionally. The more frequently she attends, the more likely she is to exhibit characteristics of a club girl in part from the effect frequent club-going has on her and in part because women with these characteristics are more drawn to clubs in the first place.

A Closer Look There are certain themes you’ll see repeated if you approach enough women in nightclubs. For starters, nightlife attracts superficial people. It’s a stereotype that’s deserved. But let’s take one step further and examine what that really means. In this case, it means that the women will for the most part be more concerned with appearance. In fact many of them spend most of their waking day thinking about appearance, both theirs and others. They’re constantly counting calories consumed and burned, trying to stave off food cravings for the things they can’t eat (they are perpetually trying to lose weight after all), are constantly are reading fashion magazines and blogs to keep up on the latest trends, and are going shopping every weekend to make sure they look their best. They often work in appearance-focused jobs – make-up artists, hair-stylists, aestheticians, spas/gyms/fitness , retail/fashion(especially fashion students if you live in NY or LA), PR., media, and of course modeling and acting.

In part because these women tend to be younger (most are in their early to mid-twenties), they are often not very good at life yet. They are constantly late and disheveled, they voice every mild annoyance throughout their day, they forget their ID’s, are late on their bills, get parking tickets frequently, and are among the most broke people you have ever met. You’ve never seen a group of people less willing to reach for their wallets than these girls. As a promoter, you could pick them up in stretch limo and pass them free drinks in bottle service all night but ask them for a dollar to tip a waitress at the afterhours diner and they will look at you like you just asked for their mother’s kidney.

Besides not paying for things, the favorite pastime of these girls is name dropping and humblebragging. Get used to it and learn how to deal with it. In part because they’re young, they are likely to have few accomplishments from which to derive real self-esteem. Consequently these girls are constantly pinging for validation via a bombarding of name dropping and humblebragging. Many of their stories revolve around wealthy or famous people they have met or parties they have attended. She will refer to a famous person as “my friend” even if that person wouldn’t remember her name if he saw her again. She’ll brag about the special treatment she got at a club or restaurant. I often thought about selling t-shirts that said “I know the owner” because judging by how often I heard the phrase I think I could have made a killing. A girl that used to come out to my events once posted on her Facebook wall “Ugh, all these Oscar parties and I don’t know what to wear it just makes me want to curl up in my pajamas and stay in.” These kinds of comments are common and said without irony. They are also bullshit. While they may have met Drake once or went to a party at Wilmer Valderrama’s house, they were likely nothing more than background aesthetic, little different than the fern in the corner or the artwork purchased at Zgallerie. And they know it.

These name drops and humblebrags are often best dealt with by either ignoring them completely or making fun of what is such an obvious play for validation.

Examples

Her: “We were out at The Mondrian and Rob Kardashian came up to me – “ Me: “Who’s that?”

Her: “This house had an infinity pool and 4 levels and an indoor basketball court” Me: “I bet I could save money if I went on food stamps. How do you get those?”

Her: “What are you up to?” Me: “Dinner with a coworker at Dan Tanas” Her: “I know the owner” Me: “Can you DVR Boardwalk Empire? I forgot to set mine”

Often these girls will seek to differentiate themselves from the other women in the venue or from the club scene in general. They’ll say things like “I don’t really go out” or “I’m not your typical LA girl” or “I hate drama,” or “I don’t date guys I meet in clubs.” But much like the cliché “I don’t normally do this,” these statements are often in direct opposition to reality. Week after week, these places are filled with women who “don’t go out” who are very “typical LA girls” (by virtue of the fact that they are saying they are not typical), who love drama and whose last boyfriend approached her at a club. And the more vocally and ardently she states these things, the more likely the opposite is true, like an anti-gay evangelical who gets caught soliciting gay sex in a rest- stop bathroom.

Like nightlife itself, much of what is said and done by the women should be viewed as a smoke screen. As the saying goes, I believe none of what I hear and only half of what I see. Because in truth while they love to imply that they are living the celebrity lifestyle, you’d be shocked by how many of these girls end up on eHarmony. Because beneath the desire for the glamorous life is still that girl from Minnesota who is looking for a normal guy to lie on the couch with and watch romantic comedies.

In part 3 we’ll be expanding on this, examining how a man can succeed with these women and how to thrive in nightclubs without losing your soul or your savings…

Exposing The Night Club Industry Part 3: Survival Guide On November 11, 2011 By Mark Manson · 18 Comments

Guest post by Xander.

Now that we’ve discussed the landscape of nightclubs and girls you’ll find in them, it’s time to prep you for surviving and thriving in these modern day Gomorrah’s of house music and harlots.

The first thing I would suggest is to consider strongly how much investment you are willing to put into nightclubs. I imagine most of you are weekend warriors: you have a regular job and like to go out on the weekends to hit on girls with a few friends. That’s cool; most of the article is for you. But you if plan on spending a lot of time in nightclubs, I recommend becoming a promoter.

Short of being famous, being a promoter has got to be the easiest way to get women. It’s criminally easy. The majority of your time is spent interacting with women, you are automatically more cool and in-the-know than they are, and the constant entourage of women around you stokes their competitive fires and make you an object of their desire. When a girl breaks up with her boyfriend, is she going to rebound with a random stranger? Or you, a guy she’s known for several months? Not only are you attractive to her for the preceding reasons but she knows she can have some fun without worrying about getting too emotionally involved. You are a promoter, after all. So being a promoter is an easy way to get laid, but becoming a promoter will take some work. I recommend finding a current promoter (they’ll be the ones with 5000 Facebook friends) and attending his events regularly. Dress well and always have girls with you (hire them off Craigslist if you have to… I’m serious). Eventually ask to sub-promote for him, meaning you will bring girls to the club and he will get credited for them. Over a certain threshold and he’ll start paying you. At the beginning you won’t really make much money but you’ll be able to meet girls in a very under the radar way… not by attempting to pick them up but by inviting them out for a night of fun.

If you do decide to go this route, I recommend NOT doing it full-time and having an exit strategy. Most promoters have other things going on and frankly a life of full partying is not a very happy or meaningful one for an extended time. Subjugating your entire life to the needs of your penis is a poor way to live in the long run. And the late nights definitely catch up with you. So have an end game in mind.

For the rest of you who decide not to go that route, let’s get you in.

Getting You Past the Door

First things first. There is no such thing as a guest list. Except in very rare occasions there are no names printed on any list. The sheet of paper the girl at the door is holding has a list of promoter names and a tally for each so the club can evaluate how many people each promoter is bringing through the door. Saying you are not on the list or that the list is closed is a polite blow-off. Ditto for “It’s a private party” and “We’re at capacity.”

What determines whether you get in is how you look (including, unfortunately, your race), how you’re dressed, and the guy / girl ratio in your group. So you need to plan ahead. Dress well, find girls (sister, coworkers, whatever), and show up early.

“But Xander, if I had girls I wouldn’t be coming to the club!” Touché. Have no fear, there’s another option… greasing. Greasing is the practice of paying off someone for entrance. Typically this is going to be a bouncer. At the door you’ll also have the VIP hostess (it’s usually a girl) handling bottle service and sometimes the general manager checking out the line and seeing that everyone outside is doing their job. Neither the VIP hostess nor the GM are generally going to accept greases. So your best bet is the bouncer. Walk up to him and whisper an offer. If he’s going to play ball, he’ll counter or accept. In LA $20-$50 a guy can get you in to most places but again it depends how you look and how many guys you have. Of course different cities vary.

You can also grease the promoter. I recommend messaging him on Facebook ahead of time and offering him money to have him walk you in. Promoters roll to the club with lots of girls (to boost their image with the club and the club-goers) so they can usually sneak in a few guy “friends” interspersed between the girls.

Some places offer dinner or host mixers / events in the early evening which guarantees entrance for the later club night. This can also be a good route when you find them.

[Note from Mark: Another way is to approach women outside on the street near the club. Offer to buy them a round of drinks if they walk in with you. Many will blow you off, but it often doesn't take long to round up 4-5 girls to masquerade as your "friends." But be warned, this is a horrible way to actually pick the girls up. It makes you look like a loser and they usually blow you off the second you buy them their drinks.]

As a last resort there’s bottle service. This is a huge rip-off and I don’t recommend it. Bottle service is an expensive way to get into a club, and I’ll be honest, it hardly helps with the girls. The best bottle service is always on someone else’s tab.

Whatever your strategy for entrance, if you are going to nightclubs regularly, you should be getting to know the promoters, bouncers, bartenders, etc. Go on off nights and say hello. It’s a small group of these people that rotate around the clubs in a given city so knowing them gives you status wherever the party goes. If you know the three main promoters in a venue you can get an introduction to probably half the women in the club. Now you are no longer a random club guy you are a “friend of friend.” This isn’t very meaningful to us but it means a lot to women. Speaking of the women…

Picking Up Club Girls

Early pick up dogma focused intently on the verbal aspect of interacting with women. Even now guys usually spend tremendous mental energy thinking about what to say. And yet these brilliant scripts and routines were meant to be practiced in a place where they were least likely to be actually heard, not only due to the loud music but the energy level and litany of distractions in a nightclub. Also part of this strategy was picking a target and focusing your attention on how to get her. This strangely nullifies the chief benefit of approaching women in clubs: volume. A club is the one place where you can squeeze in a lot of at-bats in a short time frame. Best way to find a soul- mate? Probably not. But you are looking for fun you probably don’t care if you have the same musical tastes or opinions about classic Russian literature. If you have, or can build, the stones to approach repeatedly, you can hook up a lot. The high number of at-bats also serves to diminish the sting from any one rejection. Picking out the one girl in the bar a la Babe Ruth’s called shot makes her blow-off quite a bit more painful (particularly after rehearsing your brilliant lines in the car!) Again, silly and counterproductive. Nightclubs are not for sniper rifle approaches, they are for Uzi’s and Tommy Guns. All the best guys I’ve ever seen in clubs (including the majority of professional pickup coaches) were, at the end of the day, largely playing a numbers game.

In part two we looked at the demographics and psychology of club girls. This will of course inform how we approach them. Club girls don’t want to be known as club girls and they certainly don’t want to be viewed as interchangeable sex organs. So what do they want to be known for? I’ve found a significant number of them have artistic or creative interests. We’ve already mentioned that appearance-based jobs and interests abound in this demographic. They often view these endeavors – hair-styling, fashion, etc – as artistic (and they are). The woman who cuts my hair calls it her “art.” Sometimes they are interested in writing, painting, or photography. If you can engage on these creative topics and speak intelligently about them you can often connect with these girls. You’d be very surprised how many club girls in Hollywood enjoy going to LACMA.

Another effect of their focus on appearance is that they are going to be less forgiving about yours. A girl who spends every day reading food labels, counting calories, reading about diets and working out is going to wonder what your excuse is for being 20 pounds overweight. The good news is that although we often think of looks as something immutable, they aren’t. You don’t need to have a perfectly chiseled Jon Hamm jaw line to be good looking. Much of being good looking is just being fit. If you are muscular and sub-10% body fat, unless you look like Shane MacGowan, chances are you are going to be good looking. Add in solid grooming and a cool haircut and you are now ready for the women of clubs. And these are all things you can control.

The same goes for your clothing. Club girls spend a lot of time thinking about fashion and looking their best. A wrinkled, vertically stripped button down from 2001 isn’t going to cut it. Put some real thought into your look and make things easier on yourself.

Beyond putting effort into your appearance and approaching, picking up girls in clubs is less about what you do and more about what you don’t do.

Don’t insult her – 6 years of bad pickup artists telling girls they are hot but not that hot or that her perfume smells like tuna fish has brought nice guys a little more back in vogue. She’s had enough guys trying too hard to tease her into submission that a normal conversation is likely to be refreshing.

Don’t use money to impress her – If a girl has gone out for more than a week then she’s had guys blatantly brag or use money as a means to convince her to like him. If you have read this site you already know all the obvious reasons why this won’t work. Let her found out how baller you later, Rockefeller.

Don’t smile too much – A study of internet dating showed that women prefer pensive or brooding men over smiling ones. I think this goes doubly in person, where the visceral feeling of someone wanting something from you is often triggered from a smile and overly effusive greeting. You need to smile a bit to avoid scaring or creeping her out but after that keep it in check.

Don’t overestimate your competition – If there are two key things that I’ve learned in all my time in clubs it’s that women look vastly different during the day than at night and that no one with anything going on in their lives is spending significant time in clubs. Most guys envision their competition as wealthy, famous, international men of mystery and nothing could be further from the truth. While the rich and famous occasionally frequent these places, most guys that women will meet are 30k millionaires, drunk meatheads, and douchebags who can’t shut up about how “hot” she is (I’ve also found most girls don’t like the word “hot”). Trust me when I tell you that real people with money or real status are found few and far between in nightclubs.

Don’t assume – I harped on this before but it’s worth repeating. If you think you can look at a girl across the bar and know what kind of girl she is, whether she’s promiscuous or pious, smart or dumb, on drugs or a teetotaler, let’s me save you a lot of time. You don’t know shit. I’ve met Ph.D’s, doctors, world-saving philanthropists, writers, and Harvard MBA’s in nightclubs. I’ve had women quote Shakespeare and talk about the debt crisis. Making assumptions about any one girl from the outside is mental masturbation, period. Leave your stereotypes at the door.

Other Considerations

Loud Noises – Guys often complain that it’s too loud in clubs. I can ALWAYS shout into a girl’s ear loud enough for her to hear it. The bigger issue is the energy and attention. It’s hard to captivate a girl with what you are saying when your competition is a club going off. But it’s done every night so don’t let this be an excuse. As far as the volume, most clubs have areas, usually smoking areas, that are relatively quiet. You can post up there.

Dancing – Some guys think dancing is required at clubs. While it’s useful to be able to handle a little two-step in rhythm or at least be able to grind effectively, it’s definitely not required. No one is expecting you to breakout a You Got Served routine or something you saw on Dancing With the Stars. In fact, one of the best club pick up artists I ever saw was staunchly anti-dancing. “The king doesn’t dance,” he said. Make no mistake, you can pick up in a club without ever dancing.

Facebook – Once again, the role of social media can’t be ignored when approaching, meeting, and dating the women you meet in nightclubs. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and foremost expert on romantic love, posits that the internet and social networking add a more “natural” element to meeting strangers by offering insights into their personalities and social connections beyond what one would know from meeting someone in a bar. While I’m not sure that’s what club girls have in mind when they look you up on Facebook, I do know that no matter how good your game is if she looks you up and you have 12 friends and one picture of yourself in the bathroom mirror, your number will be deleted faster than you can say Friendster. Club girls use Facebook frequently so a good profile and a few friends in common can give her the comfort she needs to meet up with you outside the club.

Last Call Despite all its foibles, nightlife is popular for a reason. The crowds can be annoying, the people can be vapid, and the drinks can be expensive (bring a flask). But at the end of the day there are few places that engage a man’s senses quite like a club. The music, the friends, the drinks, and of course, the women. Yes, the women, done up like dolls, skirts hiked, hugging their feminine curves. Young and hopeful and fun, unspoiled by the weight of unmet expectations. Nights out are the ones you remember. For all their pains, clubs offer an opportunity. When you’re 40 and out of the game you won’t remember Brenda the girl you winked at on Match.com and went on a handful of reasonable dates with. You’ll remember the twins in Miami, the ride in the empty 5 train to her place in SoHo, the bouncer that threw you out of the bathroom stall for trying to drag a girl into it, and the moment when a beautiful girl said “yes” to you for the first time. So drink up and enjoy. The next round is on me.

Xander resides in West Hollywood, CA where he still, occasionally, goes clubbing.

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Nightclub Promoter Share: facebook

Nightclub Promoter Name: Xander Location: Hollywood, CA Gender: M Age: 32 I promoted at several of Hollywood’s hottest clubs during a period of unemployment, mainly to see what all of the fuss was about. While it was fun and definitely had its perks, it also confirmed quite a few of the suspicions and stereotypes I’d previously held about how the industry works. Ask me anything! remaining: 250 Submit Question Subscribe to this Q&A | Sort by: Q Is bottle service worth the money? Asked by linebreaker on 01/05/2012 A

Bottle service is awesome ... as long as someone else is paying for it. It's a pretty expensive way to get self-esteem. But if you have a couple of friends who drink and run up bar tabs then maybe the premium of bottle service isn't that bad as long as you keep it to one bottle. But once that runs out, so will any chicks at your table. Thumbsup 312 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q You mentioned Mexicans and Persians in an earlier post -- what other ethnicities do club owners dislike? Asked by Hiram on 01/05/2012 A

Let me say first say that I don't have a problem with anyone. Every ethnicity is welcome at my house. Clubs, however, are more racist than old Southerners. In the words of Chris Rock, "If it's all white, it's alright." Clubs would prefer to not have too much of any ethnicity other than white, lest their club become known as "the Asian club, etc" The sterotype for Persians, and again I am pointing out the sterotype not my personal opinion, is that they are rude and obnoxious and scare off the women by being too aggressive and reacting angrily when rejected. Perhaps it's endemic to LA but that's what it is. Clubs with heavily Hispanic or African- American clientle are thought to be prone to violence. Thumbsup 294 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What's the most original stunt you've seen someone attempt when trying to get into your club? Asked by prkchp on 01/05/2012 A

If there's one thing people standing on the other side of the velvet rope aren't, it's original. The same things are said: "But my friends are in there" (and they ditched you? Shitty friends) "But I'm on the list" (weird, I don't see Dickhead listed here) "It's my friend's birthday" (there's always Facebook) "I know the owner" (not well enough, apparently)

The best story is my own. Before promoting I once hired a high-end escort to walk me in. I didn't go online and call her up. She just happened to be at the hotel bar we were pre-partying in. I paid her $50 to walk in with me to the nearby club. I'm sure it was the easiest money she made that night. Thumbsup 290 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

You may also like: Bouncer, Bartender, Las Vegas Cab Driver, Pick-Up Coach Q Assuming I'm a guy on a modest budget and can't afford bottle service, what can I do to increase my chances of getting into a hot club? Asked by Davey on 01/05/2012 A

Plan ahead. Know how hot (or not) the venue is. Get there early, brings girls if you can. Dress appropriately. Be nice to the bouncer but not too nice. Don't throw a tantrum; it looks retarded. Be ready to grease. Sneak in a flask so your money is spent getting in and not on overpriced drinks. Thumbsup 283 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How much can a club promoter make in a year? Asked by Orange on 01/05/2012 A

It varies quite a bit but I'd say a decent mid-level promoter makes about $25K per year. Most of them have other things they do on the side - usually acting or personal training. Sometimes dealing drugs. Many of the lower level promoters are involved in scam or almost scam industries like payday loans, pre-paid legal services, mortgage loan modifications, multi-level marketing, etc because they aren't real 9-5 jobs and allow the flexibility to go out during the week. Sketched out yet?

Mid to high level promoters can make from 60-100k. The top of the food chain can make 150k- 200k+ believe it or not. All for pouring liquor down chicks throats. Thumbsup 281 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Has anyone ever taken a swing at you (or the bouncer, or whoever was controlling the door) when they were unable to get into the club? Asked by onefiftyone on 01/05/2012 A

I've personally never seen it because I worked mostly classy places. But there have definitely been incidents particularly as the clubs start attracting the less-optimal crowd. I can remember specifically a bouncer being shot and killed at a club called Vanguard a couple years ago Thumbsup 281 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Ever see (or hear about) a girl do something "compromising" for a bouncer or promoter to get into their club? Asked by Scrilla1 on 01/05/2012 A

Ha! This made me laugh. Um, yes this one time, every weekend, at every club, ever.

I've rarely heard of quid pro quo situations. Girls are getting into the club anyway if they are cute and not if they aren't. They certainly don't need to do anything "compromising" but do they anyway. Frequently. Short of being famous or paying for it, being a promoter is the easiest way to get laid ever. It's obscenely easy, like you'd have to actively try not to have sex like some sort of monk. I've never been a bouncer but I've seen women throwing themselves at them so i know it's same story. Lots of General Manager's offices (in the club) have a mattress or a couch and you can imagine what those are for. My promoting partner would hook up with 2-4 new girls a month without ever going on what normal ...More Thumbsup 278 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Who are considered to be the 1-2 "Hall of Fame" club promoters of all time? Asked by Sammie on 01/05/2012 A

This might come as a surprise to you but club people aren't big on history, myself included. Although I like the idea of a club promoter Hall of Fame. Like it would have framed Ed Hardy shirts from 2008 and a hall of coke vials used by the rich and almost famous. Maybe an artist's rendition of the first bathroom stall sex circa 1961. I'm going to look into this.

If you are looking for club history, the movie 24 Hour Party People is a pretty good one. Thumbsup 275 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Is there a hierarchy for club promoters? Asked by boogieboard on 01/05/2012 A

There is definitely a hierarchy. At the top are the promoters that deal directly with club. They are a known brand and bring the "right" people (read: white people, hot girls, Hollywood hipsters, low- level celebs). The promoting team will be small and often consist of trust-fund kids. At the bottom are ethnic promoters with ethnic crowds. They are like cattle herders, just trying to bring the most people through the door who are willing to pay cover. Being a promoter is very much a chicken- and-egg type of thing because to get hired by good venues you need a good crowd and to get a good crowd you need to be already promoting good venues.

There are really two ways a promoter can move up the hierarchy. One is to start at the bottom working for a club that is looking for more business. They'll ...More Thumbsup 274 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Have you seen anything particularly innovative at newer clubs, or is it the same loud music / overpriced drinks / greasy hair / mini-skirt set-up everywhere? Asked by heartkill on 01/05/2012 A

The vibes differ a little but it's all pretty much the same. Bottle service is a relatively new phenomenon and unfortunately looks to be here to stay. The smaller, speakeasy type of place has grown in popularity but without significant bottle service money it's a tough business model. Douchebags and dumb girls aren't going anywhere as far as I can tell.

And most of all, reading these answers back to myself makes me kind of ashamed how much I know about it. Pour me a drink. Thumbsup 273 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q To get people to come to your promoted club events, did you just email blast everyone you know or post on Facebook, or were there other, less obvious ways to bring people in? Asked by ChiefAli on 01/11/2012 A

Take a giant sherpard's crook and go to the nearest fashion school. Round 'em up and hand them bottles.

No actually mass texting is the promoters tool. You collect phone numbers by any means necessary, group them by how attractive they are (seriously) and text blast away. Facebook and email is also used although the former has a tendancy to get lost in the mix and the latter is primarily effective for holidays (e.g. Halloween, New Year's Eve). Thumbsup 273 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How do you decide who gets into your nightclub? Asked by stilz on 01/05/2012 A

None of this will come as a surprise to anyone who has gone out in Hollywood more than once.

Whatever you think of it as an outsider, it's much worse as an insider. The club's General Manager will explicitly tell promoters that there were too many Mexicans or Persians or fat chicks. Most places in LA don't even bother with the illusion of a line anymore. It's just a mass of people at the front and the door girl/guy or bouncer hand picks who comes in. Hot girls have first priority obviously. There is a preference for white and especially blonde. I've seen them wave a group of girls in and then when they get to the fat one in the group, pull the rope in front of her. Being dressed well helps for both guys and girls. They’re loathe to let guys in because they know the frustration of not getting ...More Thumbsup 271 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What prompted you to get involved in club promotion? Money? Power? Chicks? All of the above? Asked by ishtar on 01/05/2012 A

I went out a lot and wanted to be on the other side of the rope. I was unemployed at the time so it seemed like a natural fit. And yes, also I wanted to have sex with hot club girls. Thumbsup 271 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What's the typical lifespan of a nightclub? Asked by slimshady99 on 01/05/2012 A

It ranges from less than a year to as much as four years, typically. The average is probably two. Les Deux in Hollywood lasted five years which is the longest I've ever heard of. Much depends on the size of the place. The bigger the place, the more people they have to fill it with and the less discerning they can be. This accelerates a club's demise. It's not a coincidence that the places that had staying power, like Hyde, were small. Thumbsup 267 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q If a new club is trying to make a name for itself, will they ever go as far as actually *hiring* hot girls to hang out there (like the seat-fillers at the Oscars)? Asked by SouljahBoi on 01/09/2012 A

Definitely. Although it's usually the promoters that hire the girls, and the clubs just hire the promoters. I've seen clubs / parties do the hiring, usually for one-off parties or day time events. Thumbsup 267 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What's the craziest hook-up situation promoting got you into? 3 girls at once? Asked by MrMr on 02/16/2012 A

I wasn't in it long enough for a foursome. I've had some fun but not like a lot of longer-time promoters I knew who could really tell you some stories. Thumbsup 266 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What, in your opinion, is the most underrated city in terms of clubbing? We obviously hear about LA/Vegas/NY all the time -- any less obvious places that would surprise most people? Asked by Tim on 01/05/2012 A

Everyone and their mother tells me about how great Austin, TX is. It's like The Wire of cities. I've never been so I can't say. Ditto for Reykjavik, Iceland. I've been to some great clubs overseas in places like Mykonos, Paris, and Rio. I think Toronto is pretty good too. As far as U.S. cities, I think the LA/NY/Miami/Vegas quartet has the well deserved reputation of the good megaclubs. But it depends on what you're looking for. I have a friend who swears that Latvia is the place to be. And I just returned from Thailand which was a little disappointing nightlife-wise. Thumbsup 265 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Let's say I'm a guy who shows up on a Friday night with a buddy ... and no girls. How much would it cost to grease my way in? Asked by HenryR on 01/05/2012 A

It varies greatly by how tough the venue is and what you look like. I've greased as little as $10 and as much as $50 (that's per person). But I dress well when I go out and don't bring any Middle-Eastern friends. If you dress poorly or of an *ahem* undesirable ethnicity then it'll be more or less impossible. The bouncer is usually calculating how much crap he's going to get if he lets you in. Alternatively you can grease the promoter to walk you in with his group of girls. He'll be doing the same mental calculation as the bouncer. I've even grabbed girls as they were walking up to the venue and offered to buy them drinks once inside. They aren't as good because of their tendency to ditch guys once the bouncer looks at them sideways. Thumbsup 264 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Do promoters or club owners ever get sued for racial discrimination? Asked by jeez louize on 01/05/2012 A

Yes although never successfully. As you can imagine, it's a hard thing to prove.

More common is sexual discrimination, when men sue over getting charged when women aren't. This has mixed results. The practice of charging cover charge to men and not women has been successfully opposed and although the practice is still common, clubs have had to pony up and sue disgruntled guys. Courts however have upheld "Ladies Night" where girls get to take advantage of drink specials that the boys don't. Thumbsup 259 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What's the craziest thing you've ever "accepted" in exchange for entry? Asked by YMCA on 02/13/2012 A

A drink from a girl... in all my time as a promoter it was the first and last time a girl has ever paid for anything. Thumbsup 255 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How is promoter compensation calculated? I have heard varying answers from the number of people brought in, a percentage of bottle sales, and even a percentage of bar sales. Asked by kipnir on 09/04/2012 A All are true. The lower-tiered clubs that depend on everyone paying cover will usually pay their promoters based on heads coming thru the door. Most promoters get a share of the bottle sales they bring in (usually 20%). And percentage of bar sales is pretty common, much more so in smaller clubs. Like everything in life, just depends on how much leverage and bargaining power the promoter has.

But let's be honest, the real promoter compensation is lips, hips and fingertips. Thumbsup 229 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Starting from scratch, how did you first get a club to pay you to promote (and give you a table to host), and how did you start building a list of girls to bring out at night? Asked by nyc on 08/28/2012 A

There's 2 ways to get a club to hire you. One is to find a club that is just looking to get bodies through the door, without regard for too much quality. They'll give you a shot for a week or 2 and if you perform, they'll keep you.

The 2nd, and by far easier way, is to find a promoter doing a good club and offer to "sub" for him (meaning become a sub-promoter). Now you work for him and the girls you bring count on his tally. Eventually he'll start paying you and if you do really well, you can go out on your own. It's kind of like being a drug dealer. You start out as Bodie and end up as Avon Barksdale (if you're really lucky / ruthless)

In either scenario, you better be bringing girls or your career will be short. How to get them? By hook or by crook. Facebook is the preferred method now ...More Thumbsup 221 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What would you typically charge a bar for you to promote through their facebook? (i.e. run their facebook & twitter page & promote their events) Asked by brittanyloomis1 on 02/07/2013 A

They don't hire promoters for that. Some of the biggest companies hire firms that specialize in social media to do that, but most aren't big on promoting that way. It takes away from the word-of- mouth coolness. Thumbsup 205 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Im 16 & female (located in the UK), i want to be a nightclub promoter or a podium dancer part time when im 18. I love dancing, im lively, fun and fairly confident... im a very social person when im in that enviroment. How old do you have to be? Asked by Sophie on 03/02/2013 A

Stay in school Thumbsup 196 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What makes a nightclub fail? Asked by 4tris on 02/07/2013 A

A weak opening Thumbsup 183 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How DO you convince people to come to whatever club you're promoting at? What's the selling point beyond "It's gonna be crazy!" Asked by brikhaus on 02/04/2013 A

Drugs. No I'm kidding. Kind of.

It's really like any personal/concierge service. You get people coming by investing in their experience and cultivating personal relationships. This might mean getting them hookups in different cities, discounts on restaurants around town, invites to cool private parties, or just free drinks at your table. Also can mean hanging out with these people (gasp!) during the day. Thumbsup 181 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What's the correct way to grease a promoter? Should I do the money-in-handshake thing, or is that just something they do in movies? Asked by Smitty MD on 02/01/2013 A

Believe or not, it is the money-in-handshake thing, usually combined with a half-bro hug. Other times it's literally just handing over discretely. Anything other than waving it hyperactively in front of his face works.

Discretion is not as important with promoters as it is with bouncers Thumbsup 181 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Why aren't there more female club promoters? Seems like they'd be better at getting guys to buy bottle service and bringing in other females ... Asked by 21redrum on 02/02/2013 A

Au contraire, mon frère

If there's one thing 22-year old club going girls DON'T want it's female competition. They don't even like the "friends" they came with, much less some chick with a clipboard with more social status than them. No matter what they say, women go to clubs (at least in the US) not to hang out with their friends or even to meet a guy. They go to play a social status game. And female promoters throw a wrench in that.

And they certainly don't help bring guys in. The guys are dumb but the gel hasn't seeped deep enough into their cerebrums to make them think that their best shot is with a female promoter. That's what bottle girls are for.

And why would the girl want to do it? This isn't Michelle Obama deciding between the ...More Thumbsup 179 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Thanks! One follow up. You said, "Discretion is not as important as if it's a bouncer." Why is that? Asked by Smitty, M.D. on 02/01/2013 A

Edited the original to be coherent.

Discretion is important with bouncers but not as much as promoters for a couple of reasons. One is that bouncers are actually employees of the club whereas promoters are quasi-contractors, usually informal ones. So the bouncer has more of a duty to the club. Another is proximity; the bouncer is usually standing right next to his boss so taking a grease looks bad. A promoter can wander around the club, the line, the parking lot, wherever. So you can actually grease him 40 feet away from anyone's prying eyes. And lastly, the promoter is responsible for his crowd so if he decides it's important that a few dudes gets in whether because they are friends or they paid him, the club will usually give him a little bit a slack. Bouncers on the other hand ...More Thumbsup 175 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Are "ladies nights" effective? Are clubs doing them less frequently now that there have been a bunch of discrimination lawsuits? Asked by AZmiguel on 02/05/2013 A

Ladies nights are very effective.....for getting chubby chicks HAMMERED. In a town like LA that caters to high end clubs rather than your neighborhood wet t-shirt contest bar/pub, discounted or free drinks for women is pretty pointless - they aren't paying for drinks anyway. Thumbsup 170 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What's the right girl-to-guy ratio for a nightclub? Asked by Caleb C on 02/06/2013 A

99% women, 1% high end bottle service (men) Thumbsup 164 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Why do nightclubs have dress codes? Doesn't the cover charge weed out the riff raff? Asked by chinzio_L on 02/05/2013 A

Definitely not. Even riff raff is willing to pony up $20 to grind their boners on some drunk girls.

A club is an image business. That means pretty, well-dressed people. Thumbsup 163 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How old is too old for guys to be at a club? Asked by unsane on 02/20/2013 A

You're only as old as the women you feel. Thumbsup 155 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Can you give a time schedule on what your average day is like Asked by Anthony on 03/06/2013 A

10am - introduce myself to the girl sleeping next to me

Ha, I'm half joking

Keep in mind, I'm currently retired from the nightlife business. My button-up shirt is matted and hanging from the rafters and my scarfs and rings are gathering dust in my closet.

When you first start out you are just hustling. You spend all day on facebook trying to engage girls and get them out, you shop for clothes in your spare time so you can look cool and you think about your clever text that you are going to send.

As you build a client base and more of a reputation, you spend more time hanging out during the day with your girls to keep those relationships strong (and most of them don't work regular jobs either so they are free and bored during the week) and going to meetings with the club ...More Thumbsup 154 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Hey there...so I have bartending experience and went to school for bartending. I want to be a bartender or a bottle girl at a club in hollywood. Im 22 years old, and look the part. How do I get in? Asked by Faith on 12/19/2012 A

Apply in person. Dress well and look the part when you go. They are hiring you based on your look above all else. It helps if you have service experience (even at Applebee's) but not essential. Thumbsup 153 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Im 17 years old i live in New York, and I want to open up a nightclub. Any suggestions or tips? Plus I want to start my own clothing line too. Asked by Leo on 02/16/2013 A

Get a job at a bar or club. You need to learn the business from the inside and make the relationships that will help you later. Nightclubs have huge startup costs so you better have rich parents.

Clothing line is a terrible business Thumbsup 144 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Can an 18 year old be a promoter in the NYC area? Asked by Ray on 03/06/2013 A

I believe just for 18 and over clubs. Unclear how strict they will be about it.

I suggest doing something better with your life. Thumbsup 144 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How did you manage to bring a good amount of people to the clubs every weekend? Don't you run out of people to invite at some point? Asked by sensito on 04/01/2013 A

Despite what looks to me a pretty crappy experience, people are still going clubbing. I personally prefer OKcupid or a night burning off my leg hairs with a lighter but that's just me. I'm old. There are always new faces fresh off the bus from Oklahoma ready to put on that black mini, drink free Grey Goose, and make out with the D-level reality TV "star" that got paid to show up.

Also keep in mind promoters cast a wide net. There might be 5000-8000 numbers in their phone. Someone is coming out. And when you get to that point, your list grows organically by reputation. Thumbsup 143 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Hey I hope you can respond. i am currently in the process of becoming a VIP Host for a high end nightclub in Hollywood, What specifically would you suggest me to do, for me to be able to pull a large college girl crowd ASAP?You said fashion schools? Asked by Rich on 02/28/2013 A

By VIP host I assume you mean promoter and not bottle service. In LA, the girls of FIDM (Fashion Institute of Design and Merch) make up a good portion of the club going population. They're young, they're into dressing up and going out, and they essentially go to an all girls school. It's the perfect storm. Other than that, I would utilize facebook. A lot of promoters organize sorority outings to clubs. Can be OK but they can sloppy off Popov pre-parties. Thumbsup 142 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Have you ever seen "the little guy" win at the door? Like someone who'd just had it and bitch- slapped a bouncer, promoter, list-b*tch, etc? Asked by 4onthefloor on 10/18/2012 A

In club-life, like in real life, "the little guy" rarely wins Thumbsup 142 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q would you ever let your own daughter work in the nightclub business? Asked by bluesyde on 03/03/2013 A Hold on the thought of having a daughter just scared me for a second...... ok I'm back.

Luckily for my potential future daughter, I don't live in culture where she would need to have family's permission to do something. If she's an adult, she can make her own decision. I would tell her the same thing I would tell a son....do it for awhile but don't stay too long. Also stay away from promoters, those guys are the worst. Thumbsup 139 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q We have a club outside a military base and there is a big shortage of good looking women for our ladies contests that we run, any tips on were to find hot women to recruit for the club contests? Asked by Del on 02/11/2013 A

Maybe contests aren't your forte then. Cheap beer might be better alternative. Thumbsup 139 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q You stated that it's easier to grease up the promoters than the bouncers, but how do you differentiate between the promoters who can actually get you in and the ones who can't? Asked by Seraphis on 03/05/2013 A

Promoters will tell you if they can get you in up front and before any money is exchanged. If not, are you sure that's the promoter? Could be the valet. Thumbsup 136 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q are you aware of any clubs that said screw it and tried an all inclusive approach. did it just bomb miserably ? Asked by ca291 on 03/27/2013 A

There are many. It can work under the right circumstances like if you cater to a specific audience, say Electronic Dance Music. Host a megaclub club, charge everyone a cover and spend for big name DJ's.

Vegas is of course the ultimate all inclusive. Thumbsup 135 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Hi! I have an interview tomorrow to be a VIP host/ promoter in a couple of clubs in Hollywood , do you know how much is the rate or paid per person in los Angeles area? Or what is the estimate payment per person and bottle service? Asked by lhca1234 on 06/21/2013 A

Minimum wage plus commissions on bottles for a VIP host. Hope it went well. Thumbsup 134 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How often how often do promoters bring in underage (18-20 yr old) girls? Is it easy, and do you make more money that way? Asked by nyc on 03/31/2013 A

It happens. The ease depends on a lot of the things like how shady the owners are, how hot the girls are, and how believable her fake ID from Deleware is Thumbsup 132 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I am interested in becoming a club promoter here in Los Angeles, CA. How and where do I start. Asked by Justin on 03/20/2013 A

See my answer above to the question that starts with "Starting From Stratch...." Thumbsup 132 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How do you come up with a percentage of the bar and should it be after a certain amount the bar has made? Asked by missy on 02/25/2013 A

The club usually offers it and it's not like you have a lot of negotiating room. And yes, it's usually after a certain threshold is met. Thumbsup 131 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q ever seen a door guy tell someone straight up that they're too fat or ugly to get in? how does someone even react to something like that? Asked by chuck silva on 03/24/2013 A

Not in the US but I recently saw it in Australia. There were two lines to the place. The bouncer was shouting at the top of his lungs "Beautiful people only in the this line! Beautiful people only!" then he shined a flashlight in a girl's face and said "Are you beautiful?" and after assessing her, told her stand in the regular line. Her eyes started to well up and she left.

Seperately at another place in the same city, I saw bouncer inform a guy that he wouldn't be getting in because he had a Brazilian ID and the club had had a "problem with Brazilians being too aggressive with the women". The guy had waited over an hour and the place was a gross mess of grinding and people who were way too drunk.

Totally classless in both cases. Thumbsup 129 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I'm thinking about just moving to Vegas and start promoting, any suggestions on how to get started and work my way up? Asked by Al on 03/06/2013 A Drugs. Lots of drugs. I'm half joking.

Vegas is it's own animal. They have less of need for promoters because everyone is from out of town so they don't care that much about repeat business. As a result curating the crowd takes a back seat to packing 'em in. And the start up / capital cost of a Vegas club is so great that they couldn't do that anyway. They've got to run people through and charge them all cover.

The promoters I know that have done Vegas do it for special events or have graduated to dealing primarily with ballers so they actually have something to offer a Vegas club that the club can't do on it's own, namely people to drop 20k in a night.

I would suggest reading a recent GQ article called "The Best Night $500,000 Can Buy" Thumbsup 128 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q do clubs ever get protested by feminist leagues, anti rape orgnizations, that kind of thing? Asked by annie burns on 03/29/2013 A

Ha, I've never seen it but the idea of a bouncer flashing a light in the face of a short-haired Vassar alum screaming about rape culture makes me laugh. Thumbsup 128 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What can you do to make your Facebook more appealing so that girls that you don't know will want to go out with you? Thanks. Asked by Al on 07/02/2013 A

If you need me to tell you how to be cool, we're off to a bad start.

Find a good promoter's facebook and you'll see. The promoter is selling first and foremost an (imaginary) lifestyle and secondariliy his own sex appeal. So good party pictures (filtered through Instagram to look even cooler) and shot of yourself impeccably dressed will go along way. Thumbsup 125 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Should a promoter be held accountable for liabilty during the night of his event. Asked by Alias on 04/10/2013 A

Ha! No. The club isn't even really liable for most things and they have insurance (which costs a fortune) for the things they are liable for. If a promoter was held liable for the actions of 2000 drunk and potentially drugged-up bozos, no one would ever do the job. Thumbsup 121 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Is it better to be a nightclub promoter, or a nightclub owner? Asked by jason k. on 04/07/2013 A

Would you rather own the Lakers or be the 12th guy on the bench that gets the clap 3 times a year? Thumbsup 121 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Have you ever found the pickup artist methods to ever have worked in a club setting as they so claim? or is it just a numbers game when it comes to club pickups even after 1AM? Asked by sexymofo on 04/23/2013 A

Clubs in LA were littered with PUA's for quite some time. Any girl who had been out more than a few times was familiar with the techniques (most notably, asking an opinion on something).

I unfortunately met most of the instructors and most of them were frauds. Their best techinique was apparently having really low standards.

That said, I've seen it work and in some rare cases work very well but I attribute it to a placebo effect (the guy thinks it's going to work so the confidence makes it so) and just plain volume. Thumbsup 119 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How do I meet a promoter who can get us hooked up at a specific club on short notice (1-2 weeks)? My girlfriends and I want to check out hot spots like LAVO, Le Bain, Cielo, etc, but we're all new to the NYC nightlife scene. Asked by NYC Chick on 04/21/2013 A

I suggest facebook. Do searches for those places and look on their walls to see who is liking or commenting. Find attractive women and see who is commenting and liking on a lot of their pages (they will likely be promoters).

Then again, if you are hot enough, just show up. Thumbsup 119 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Have you ever promoted a strip club and if so what method of marketing did you use? Asked by Sweet Bee on 04/14/2013 A

Strip clubs don't use promoters the way nightclubs do. Even the guy with the mullet and the Stone Cold Steve Austin tshirt gets in. I don't get it...if you want to be entertained by a naked lady, go on the internet. If you want to pay someone to pretend to like you, get married. Thumbsup 118 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What does a promoter mean when he is going to hook you on an open bar tab? Free drinks all night or will I have to pay for everyone's drinks at the end of the night? Asked by Michelle on 04/11/2013 A

Hi Michelle, since you are a girl there is no chance the promoter expects you to pay anything. Assuming he has half a clue. Open bar tab is free drinks. Free drinks are in fact the chief benefit of being a girl so enjoy. I'll be over here paying for my drinks and enjoying my superior physical strength and earning power. Thumbsup 117 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Lets just assume that I've some money to spend, how would I get the easiest way inside a club being what you call a undesirable ethnicity, badly dressed and all? Asked by sexymofo on 04/23/2013 A

Buy nice clothes, try to bring girls if you can, grease the bouncer. If all else fails, buy botttle service. Thumbsup 116 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How many bottles would be standard for a group of 15-20 girls for a bachelorette party? We plan on doing bottle service. I'm just not sure how many we should start off with Asked by Katie on 04/25/2013 A

How many are overweight? Thumbsup 116 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Sam Nazarian, A PERSIAN, is the CEO of SBE. SBE owns most exclusive clubs in LA, Vegas, Miami , and New York. it just wouldn't make sense that he'll be racist against his own race. So why are you racist and full of shit? why you jealous? Asked by BigDick on 05/14/2013 A

I believe they call that "irony"

Thanks for the question BigDick. Thumbsup 115 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What is standard % of liquor sales to request? Asked by Geedup 64 on 05/02/2013 A

Varies widely depending on how much leverage you have. Like most things in life. Thumbsup 114 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Is clubs a good place to pickup girl as opposed to other places with girls and if so, how do you put your best foot forward? Asked by sexymofo on 04/21/2013 A

I could write a book as an answer to this.

Overall I think if you have certain advantages, looks chief among them, clubs can be pretty decent places.

Best foot forward...put a lot of effort into your appearance. This means being in really good shape, lots of thought into your clothes and style, and a cool haircut. Getting to know people in nightlife (promoters, etc). And most of all build thick skin. Finding love in a club is a numbers game. Thumbsup 113 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I need party promoter. We are having very interesting private parties but we need spacial people to join us. if you can help me just email at; [email protected] Asked by Eric on 06/03/2013 A

Enjoy the spam email Thumbsup 111 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What is the most amount of bottles you have seen ONE table get in a single night? Asked by Diabolik on 05/06/2013 A

6. They were Persian. Thumbsup 111 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q what's a good way to find a goood catchy name for my partner and i? Asked by sheena on 05/28/2013 A

I suggest Goood Thumbsup 111 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q my bestfriend's sis is gorgeous half-brazilian girl & since she was 17 (i was 15) has led this lavish lifestyle of travel (miami, ny, vegas, maui), parties, having random hot girl friends & expensive clothes. their fam is NOT rich.. (tb-continued).. Asked by marie from austin tx on 07/03/2013 A

...... i'm pretty sure this girl doesn't sleep around but she did become a bartender at 18 and does it sometimes. can you write out a how-to list for attractive girls that want to live the same lifestyle? i'm 20 and have a fake id."

You're kidding yourself if you don't think she sleeps around. That lifestyle only goes so far until you have to pay the piper.

There's no to-do list except maybe move to LA, NY or Miami. Look hot, got out a lot, if you are attractive enough, the rest comes to you.

Stay in school kids

Thumbsup 110 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I live in LA, work full time in the medical field, and looking to break up the Monotony of my job for a bit. I know/party with some hosts at Bootsy, Emerson, AV, etc. Would it be inappropriate to ask to start working with them? Asked by Marc on 05/16/2013 A

Not at all. Ask if they need subpromoters. Just be sure to deliver when called upon.

I went to Emerson last week...nice looking club. Thumbsup 110 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I've noticed that 9/10 girls on fb or any social media ignore you even if you offer free drinks and and free entry at some of the most upscale nightclubs. Did you have any social media strategies? Thanks. Asked by Al on 06/14/2013 A

This means your facebook profile isn't cool enough. It's not about free drinks or entry, it's about whether they want to actually hang out with you. Do you think girls have any trouble getting free drinks or free entry without you? Thumbsup 108 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q You have to decorate the club according to the kind of party you going to have ? that matters at all? Asked by Elgrande on 05/02/2013 A

Nope Thumbsup 108 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I have an interview for team lead promoter in vegas for angel management group is there any advice you can give any advice before my interview? What should I say or what are some questions i can expect them to ask me? Asked by ken702176 on 05/16/2013 A

Sorry not familiar with them. I wouldn't expect them to ask you anything too complicated beside "where da hoes at?" Thumbsup 107 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Im an 18 year old DJ in LA and started going to clubs last year. I really want to DJ in clubs. How would i DJ in clubs in LA? Do i have to know the promoter etc? Whats the best way? Asked by GI on 05/10/2013 A

I'm not a well versed in the DJ scene. I do know most of the DJ's in LA clubs have DJ agents that get them gigs. Your best bet is to meet some LA based DJ's and ask. I don't think knowing promoters helps much. Thumbsup 106 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I'm starting to do a little promoting for Monday Night Social recently moved to Sound Nightclub. I'm not really interested in the promoting but I can personally bring in artists. What's the best way to spread my name for door sales? Asked by Marc on 06/03/2013 A

I'm not sure what spreading your name for door sales means. Promoters only know about spreading legs for bottle service. Thumbsup 106 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Is there anything about the nightlife experience/industry as a whole (not just clubs) that you feel could be improved? Particularly with the use of technology. Anything that made you think, there has to be a better way..? Asked by Alexander on 06/12/2013 A

Yeah...forgoing it all together in favor of online dating. Thumbsup 106 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I'm 23 just moved to nyc, know about 10 people so far... i think i have the looks and personality for promoting... but real talk- is it possible to do this without sleeping around or getting into the drug scene? Asked by nycbitch on 07/01/2013 A

You don't need to do either as a promoter to succeed. But you will need to know more than 10 people

Female promoters never last long. See my previous answer to the question that starts with "Why arent' there more female promoters?" Thumbsup 105 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q what is expected as a bottle girl? i'm 22 work in a bank in NY and some of my friends are in this i actually want to do it to make money and help my mom out. Any advice? should i? btw i weigh 110 pounds and no boob job, think i got a chance? ha -__- Asked by Michelle.Her on 06/14/2013 A

Bottle girl requirements: - Look hot

The end

Big boobs help but not required Thumbsup 104 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I'm not sure if this is the correct site to ask this question. I have a friend who is an upcoming actor and has appeared in several movies. How do I begin to get him appearances in nightclubs to sign autographs or host events? Asked by Lynette on 06/11/2013 A

He needs an agent, who will book those kind of things. Thumbsup 104 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How much should I charge a popular night club in atlanta to promote their club? What are usually the rates? Asked by kuzzinkel on 05/08/2013 A

For the most part you don't set the rates, the club does. You don't have much leverage as a promoter so at the beginning at least, you take what you can get. Good luck. Thumbsup 102 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q i just got a job as a bottle service girl. I said I had over two years of experience and ive actually never done it. Can you give me a run down of what a night looks like as a bottle service girl? Asked by jenn on 05/08/2013 A

You lied, which is a good start to work in an industry that is based on lies. Good job.

It's pretty simple. Fit in to a corsett, put on loads of makeup and flirt with skeezy guys. And occasionally pour drinks for them. Don't sweat it, it's not balancing the federal budget and they'll fill you in on exactly what they expect of you. Thumbsup 101 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q As mentioned earlier, I am looking to break up the monotony of my day job. I'm an attractive female and live in LA. I have no interest in promoting: if I want to work at a nightclub, what are my options? Bottle girl, dancer, bartender? Asked by TG on 07/02/2013 A

Coke whore? Thumbsup 101 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I've just applied to work at a gentlemen's club (doing anything but dancing) and they said they thought I'd make a good promo girl based on my personality. So my question is what's the best way to get people coming in to buy a bottle at the door? Asked by Darling on 05/23/2013 A

Be prepared to get really sick of every guy asking "why aren't you up there?"

Gentlemen's Clubs are not my forte. I don't really get the appeal. Have these guys not heard of internet porn? Thumbsup 100 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I need special people to join out private parties. dress code and entrance fee. email me at [email protected] Asked by Eric on 06/03/2013 A

What do I get? Thumbsup 100 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q You mentioned that in the highest tiers, being a promoter gives up to 200k. Do you think, then, I should dump my prospects of being a commercial pilot and follow the promoter path instead? Asked by MrPlaneDick on 07/03/2013 A

Keep in mind you are taking career advise from someone whose career choice at one point was to be a nightclub promoter. So take with a grain of salt.

You need to be model good-looking to make that kind of money. And really, that's not enough. The guys that make that kind of money are usually a group of friends of famous/rich fathers. They are really good looking and grew up around party people so they have a huge network of hot girls and connections to attractive people. Ideally the went to high school in Santa Monica, Pacific Palisades or Malibu so they might have a friends who are low-level famous (think Brody Jenner). And they are really good looking so attractive women want to hang out with them.

They're also usually huge douchebags

Does this sound like you? ...More Thumbsup 97 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q im a new event planner with several connections in the music world. so event planning can lead to big $$$$ what questions should I ask the club owner before I decide to host my concert or music event at his location? Asked by bwaug on 07/01/2013 A

This is not my field of expertise. Musical acts are booked by their agents typically. Thumbsup 97 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What is the title of the guy that say yes/no on whether you get in to the club (i.e. Parker at Bootsys)? He doesn't seem to be a promotor or bouncer. Can a hot female have that job, and if so - how to apply? Asked by TG on 07/02/2013 A

That's a bouncer. Or doorman as they would call it there.

Yes, a girl can definitely have that job. Bar210, Hemingway's, and Bar Marmont are a few places that have/had girls at the door. Be prepared to be called the c-word. Thumbsup 84 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q If I were looking for drugs in Vegas, would a club promoter be able to hook me up? And how would you go about asking them something like that? Asked by Janne on 08/27/2013 A

First of all, I don't condone doing drugs. Unless they make you feel amazing. Or help you have fun. Or relieve stress. Or get an attractive person to sleep you.

But if you are going to do them or get them, Vegas is among the easiest to do so. Find a sleazy looking guy at a table and ask straight up. Thumbsup 82 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I have a couple chips from a really good club and they say COMP on the back. A friend of mine who always gets bottles gave them to me when he was pretty hammered.. I never asked what it was. Are they bottle comps? Asked by Lexi on 08/27/2013 A

Seems like he would be a better person to ask.

It's likely a comp admission Thumbsup 81 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I'd like to help new jack promoters in NYC. Would you run this?...

A MUST READ TIP LIST FOR ASPIRING OR RISING PROMOTERS (trust me):

-Bring girls. Tall ones. All girl parties over twenty should be paying $400-$500 if a crew is aesthetically right Asked by Frankie Leone on 07/07/2013 A

What in Sam Hill is this question asking? Thumbsup 81 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I will be visiting Vegas for a week with some of my girlfriends is it safe to ask a promoter for drugs? Do they all know somebody? Asked by Katherine on 08/28/2013 A

See previous Vegas question Thumbsup 81 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How do you increase your clientele as a promoter? Asked by the newbie on 07/03/2013 A

By hook or by crook.

I suggest social media as the most efficent means. But promoters are always promoting. Friends of friends, strangers at the mall. Women are everywhere. Thumbsup 79 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What does one need to become a promoter, just starting off, is there a lot of captial needed?, can You give me pointers. Because I'd like to start doing club promoting here in south africa? Asked by lillo on 08/20/2013 A

The only capital required is human capital and by human capital I mean sluts. Thumbsup 79 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Was the average salary of a club promotor? Asked by Jay on 07/23/2013 A

See previous answer to the question "How much can a club promoter make in a year?" Thumbsup 79 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q how old you have to be to be a nightclub promoter? Asked by michael alig follower on 07/31/2013 A

18 or 21 depending on where you live Thumbsup 77 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Do clubs ever use / give promoters lower quality alcohol than the outside of the bottle suggests? I don't know how they can make a profit with all these promoters popping ace of spades and cristal. Asked by London on 07/26/2013 A They do. But it's because they are crooks not because they can't turn a profit.

If you see a promoter with Ace of Spades or Cristal it means a) a rich client bought it and the promoter is just stealing his thunder or 2) he sold many, many more bottles and the club made tens of thousands of dollars so they can afford to kick him a bottle that cost them $300.

No one is going to pay you more than you are worth to them Thumbsup 76 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How do clubs manage their bottle service reservations? Do they care what clientele book bottles or do they just care about how much they want to pay? Asked by asuglfer on 07/10/2013 A

Yes they do care and the better the club the more they care.

They manage the process through the promoters. The promoters will be liable for bad bottle clients just as they would be for fat girls. Since a good promoter knows he will catch flack for selling bottles to a bunch of overly-agressive poorly dressed fat guys, he will make it a point to meet the client or at least check out his facebook before actually selling a table to him.

Here's where it really gets devious. If you try to book directly with the club (some clubs allow this on their websites or over the phone) they will ask for a credit credit to hold the reservation. What they are actually doing is looking at your name. So a Brett Weinstein is going to have an easier time getting a table, will have fewer bottles ...More Thumbsup 73 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Hi! Do you have any advice for females dating a promoter? Asked by A. on 07/21/2013 A

Ha! Don't kid yourself. You're not dating, you're fucking

"If you date a nightclub promoter, you should lose your right to vote in the next election" - Neal Brennan Thumbsup 71 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q do you have to be 18 or older to be a promoter Asked by Kevin on 08/01/2013 A

Yes Thumbsup 69 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How much is a good percentage to make at bar if I am booking an event there? Asked by Kevin on 09/09/2013 A If it's a one-off event, you probably won't get a percentage of the bar. If you do, you won't have any negotiating power so take what you can get. As a promoter you are paid in easy lays. Thumbsup 67 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Your opinion- how do you set the dj(non-commercial/top-40/pop hop) lineups for the night? What genre goes first, primetime, last? House, electro, dubstep, etc... Asked by ilnguy808 on 08/08/2013 A

Not up to the promoter. The DJ and general manager handle that. In general clubs offer different music on different nights to segment the crowds Thumbsup 67 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I am an 20 yr old female & Ive just recently started promoting nightclubs& im very good at it but a competitor has offered to pay me ,and ask what i charge ..whats a reasonable proce Asked by Lady on 08/08/2013 A

Depends how much you are making now. Whatever he says you can make sure the real number will be less Thumbsup 67 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Is being a promoter a good living? like raising a family and then retiring as a promotor..? I want to become a promotor in the Miami area Thanks Asked by Gary on 07/23/2013 A

You can make a decent living as a promoter but you absolutely can't raise a family. Bottle service and bottle feeding don't mix. While the money at the higher levels are adaquate, the lifestyle isn't. Good luck explaining to the mother of your newborn (who still carries the baby weight around) that you can't change diapers, you've gotta hit the club to pour Grey Goose down skank's throats until 4am.

And retirement? You'd drop dead first.

Thumbsup 66 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What is the average pay per event for a promoter? If I was looking to hire one what would be a good "price" or pay structure? Asked by Umm... on 08/05/2013 A

Depends on whether you charge cover or not. If so, a cut of that is appropriate (usually $5 of $20). If not, you can get more creative in the ways of screwing him over. Thumbsup 66 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Is it unusual for a guy going solo in Vegas to purchase bottle service in a higher-end club? Asked by atkins on 08/29/2013 A

I'd say it looks shady Thumbsup 66 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How did you build connections in the nightlife when you first started out? Asked by Tony on 07/31/2013 A

See previous answers to the same question. Short answer....by hook or by crook. I recommend social media now a'days. Thumbsup 65 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I'm gonna do a vacation year in Australia- Sydney.

I'd like to work for a nightclub to earn some Money while i live there. Can i work as a promoter with 18 years and no experience? Is there a job to animate people? I'd love to do that. Asked by Julian on 09/02/2013 A

The places I went to in Sydney didn't use promoters. Not sure if that's standard there. Start talking to people and you'll figure it out.

Animate people? That's what the drugs and alcohol are for. Thumbsup 63 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How old is too old for a girl to get in the club? Asked by Gwendolyn on 09/03/2013 A

Depends how good the club is. As a rule of thumb, if your kid is in high school, please stay home. Thumbsup 61 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Hello , Im 18 and would like to be a club promoter any ideas in how to begin ? What to do ? Asked by MelissaRusse on 09/19/2013 A

See previous answers to this question. Short answer - start meeting as many girls as possible. Thumbsup 58 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What should I pay my bottle service host? Percentage of sales or percentage of tips? Out of office hours (answering emails, etc). Asked by Jimmy on 09/30/2013 A

Bottle girls usually get 20% of the bottle plus tips.

Thumbsup 38 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I am thinking of going to a club with my friends visiting and one of them is plus sized but super pretty and alaways dresses to impress. Will she have a hard time getting into clubs? Asked by Kaithlyn on 10/22/2013 A

Only if the club is good. Thumbsup 38 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What would you say, would be a descent bar split as in a percentage? Asked by James Ho on 10/09/2013 A

Depends greatly. I've seen as high as 20% Thumbsup 35 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I am a model (23) and I want to become a vip bottle girl, can you help me get in? I have a 36DD bust and am skinny, tanned and 5'7". I worked as bartender and made a lot but would like to make more Asked by scarlett on 11/18/2013 A

Please send your pic and phone number, better yet just stop by....

Ok I'm kidding. Apply to places in person. If you are a good as you sound, they'll hire you. Thumbsup 34 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q what should i set the bar minimum at? Asked by mike j on 10/01/2013 A

Depends on your area/city. You don't have a lot of negotiating power as a promoter at least at the beginning. Thumbsup 34 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Hello, do you need any connections to DJ in a club? Asked by DJ on 01/18/2014 A It helps. The best DJ's have agents. Otherwise it's a bunch of networking and trying to get your music heard Thumbsup 20 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q can a girl be a club promoter? Asked by Yamileth on 12/16/2013 A

See previous answer to question starting with "Why aren't there more female club promoters?" Thumbsup 20 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Hey I do bathroom valet at a strip club, what's the best way to become a promoter for the club? Asked by DD on 01/15/2014 A

Strip Clubs don't have promoters, not like regular nightclubs. Remember nightclubs are tasked with brining in girls, not guys. Thumbsup 19 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Are there strippers Asked by will on 12/18/2013 A

In the world? Yes. They get paid to convince men that they find them attractive Thumbsup 18 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Is it easy going into clubs with a fake foreign id saying I'm 21 if I'm a tourist?? and actually 20 yr old. Asked by gracie on 03/07/2014 A

If you are an attractive girl, yes. Much like most of life. If not, it will be harder. Thumbsup 16 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q What is the title of the person who handles bottle service? Is it just a waitress that arranges it or a concierge? Asked by Addiktive on 03/02/2014 A

Usually she's called the VIP hostess (when she's not being called the c-word) Thumbsup 16 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q The PR manager of one of the biggest clubs in LA has banned me because I slept with his girlfriend. Is he allowed to do that? How much money do club PR managers usually make in opposed to regular promoters? He claims to be Loaded.. Asked by charleyDRP on 04/10/2014 A

First of all, that's awesome. Kudos to you, I imagine she was hot. Please send pics.

I'm guessing there's no legal statutue that says you are allowed into nightclubs despite banging the manager's giftfriend. So you're probably going to have to go somewhere else.

Like most people in nightlife, they don't make much. You don't do that job for the money Thumbsup 14 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q How do promoters know so many people/get so many phone numbers? Asked by Hollywood girl on 03/25/2014 A

The short answer is they hustle.

Mostly facebook and other social media now (instagram is big). If you project the right image and are fun and attractive, clients especially women, show up. The more people you know, the more will seek you out and your job becomes easier. It's a network effect. Thumbsup 13 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q This guy asked me what I charge to host (I have no idea what that even means). What does hosting at a nightclub entail and what does it usually pay? Asked by Hollywood girl on 03/26/2014 A

It means either being the bottle girl or the girl at front with the clipboard. Pay varies but bottle girls can make a lot on tips (and usually 20% on the bottles) Thumbsup 13 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q (Cntd) dont want them, but they spend alot of their time trying to crawl up the model arses. Desperatly wanting them as 'Girlfriends' but most model dont want them they want a z-list celeb to date so the promoters are stuck banging uglies. True? Asked by MeAgain on 04/01/2014 A

Let's not debate what makes a "model" which really could be anything, I've met some beat models. But yes, the most attractive/quality girls don't want a promoter boyfriend. They'll bang em once but if a chick is hot she wants to do better than a scumbag promoter. Thumbsup 12 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Actually I have found that the promoters usually want to have a relationship with the models, whilst f'ing the plain jane club ho's on the side. But they will never upgrade the Basic Club Ho's to girlfriend status and alot of the time the models Asked by MeAgain on 04/01/2014 A

Basic Club Ho's would be a good name for a band.

Thumbsup 11 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I'm new to event promotio. What would be the best way to make profit at a small local bar that does not charge at door? Asked by playtoy on 03/22/2014 A

Small local bars don't usually use outside promoters Thumbsup 11 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q can you please expand on the "collecting numbers by any means necessary" or this by hook or by crook Asked by Hollywood girl on 03/25/2014 A

Think I've answered this in the previous question Thumbsup 11 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Have you ever noticed that alot of the models actually seem to hate the promoters? Just 'Play up' to liking them so they get into the VIP and free drinks etc, but talk about them behind their back saying their 'Creepy' or 'Players' etc?? Asked by JustMe on 03/25/2014 A

Bahahaha. You know who models end up sleeping with? Creepy guys and players.

And yeah they might play up liking them for free drinks but it's a symbiotic relationship. The promoter needs them at least as much as they need the promoter.

And in reality they hate them because they've slept with them only to realize the promoters are sleeping with tons of other girls too. Thumbsup 10 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I was wondering, if you keep asking the promoter for guest list, how do you show that you're grateful? Do you tip? And also, do you prefer being informed of the party coming in two weeks advance or a few days before? Asked by psychoanalyst on 04/07/2014 A

Bringing hot girls is the ultimate thank you. Or buying bottles from him. It's rare to tip but it's nice when it happens. It's like anything in life, money talks. If you are getting a table, then advanced notice is great. If not, the promoter doesn't care, just show up and hope the door guy let's you in. Thumbsup 9 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I was just offered to be a club promoter, seemed like great work whilst completing my Psychology Degree. Then I came across your blog, Satan must have engulfed 3 tons of ego and conceit and produced you, come down to earth, earn some pride. Asked by Conflicted on 04/06/2014 A

Mom? Thumbsup 9 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Are nightclub promoters and bouncers a OFFICALY allowed to ask you for $$ ($100 per) to let you pass the line but not including entrance fee? and if so do the promoters and bouncers pocket the cash or split the money among themselves? Asked by Max on 04/25/2014 A

Not technically. Bouncers get in more trouble than promoters. And for the most part the both just pocket the $. Thumbsup 8 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q I'm starting an event company. How do I Promoter my events and the vip bottle service that goes with It. Asked by sweetbelmont on 04/17/2014 A

Promoting = hiring a promoter. It's right there in the name. Thumbsup 6 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Do you know The Electric Pickle club in Miami?..is it easy or difficult trying to get in(I am a 20 year-old girl) Asked by gracie on 04/16/2014 A

I'm unfamilar that but was my nickname in high school Thumbsup 5 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

Q Obviously my name means I have something going for me. What if I have something uncontrollable going against me... say male pattern baldness? Could I still get lots of chicks at the club? Asked by Dr. Surgeon Man on 05/13/2014 A I wouldn't say it's your best bet. You should be focusing on places where the women are over 25 (when they are less looks focused) and where they might actually hear you when you say you're a surgeon. I suggest bars and restaurants.

Also I'd consider shaving your head. The half moon bay look isn't good. Thumbsup 1 Votes Ask the Nightclub Promoter a question Share >

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Monday, March 8, 2010 Say Goodbye to Hollywood As much fun as it’s been writing this blog unfortunately life has intervened and I’m going to have to step away from it. I’ve become too busy with other pursuits and will have to stop writing and scale back the promoting to mainly special events. I’m actually quite happy about it but it’s bittersweet. Thanks for all the emails and messages, I definitely appreciate it.

I started this blog because I wanted to pull back the curtain of Hollywood nightlife and show you that the emperor has no clothes. I wanted to show you that if you think Hollywood nightlife is superficial, racist, and corrupt on that side of the velvet rope, on our side it’s 10 times worse.

I’ve been going out in this town for damn near a decade. I saw Jay-Z sing “bubblin’ in Dublin’s” in the actual Dublin’s…where he was apparently “bubblin’. I danced with tweaker girls at 4am at Coconut Teaser. I got thrown out of a Playboy party at the Century Club. I rolled into Concorde with some USC sorority girls.

I remember going to the opening night of Opera. It was absolute mayhem as I walked up. As I waited for my friends to park I saw a guy I had been introduced to a week earlier. He was one of the managers of one of the other then hot clubs in town. The other manager introduced me to him and told me after he walked away that the guy was a hardcore coke addict. And 40. And sleeping on friend’s couch. I saw him walk up to the door past everyone outside Opera, give the bouncer the half handshake / half bro-hug and stroll in. Just then I heard the one of the girls standing next to me say “Who is that guy? He must be important”

And that, my friends, is what I want you take away from this blog.

Hollywood nightlife is all smoke and mirrors. That dude isn’t really a producer. The club with the line outside is empty inside. The girl who tells you she’s only been with 3 guys – that first time that she didn’t like, her high school boyfriend, and you – was also seen blowing the bouncer last week. The “VIP” in bottle service lives with his parents. The 9 is really a 6 with 2 hours of prep time. And most importantly, the so-called “important” person is a 40 year old cokehead.

See these places for what they are….places where pretty people go to fuck each other. That’s it.

Making it into a hot club doesn’t make you someone. It doesn’t make you “cool” or “in the know” or a “tastemaker” (someone please tell me what that fuck that word is supposed to mean). If you derive your self esteem from being able to get into Club X on a Tues. night, you are a douche who has the mentality of a high school girl. And if you are over 30 and think this way, please get into a paper cut fight with Magic Johnson.

“Parties are intended to be celebrations, and celebrations should be only for those who have something to celebrate” – Dagny Taggart in Atlas Shrugged

Growing up my hero was Michael Jordan. Late in his career he wrote about the problems with the NBA, mainly that the accolades (the $80M contracts, etc) came before the achievement. “Status symbols are meant to be just that - symbols. A flashy car should represent the underlying achievement, not replace it.”

These places, especially during the week, are often filled with the utterly useless of our city. They should not be admired. They should be ridiculed.

It’s a problem that infects our broader culture. What Bill Maher once called it, “the Guitar Hero culture. Everyone wants to be a rockstar, no one wants to learn the chords.” And Hollywood is ground zero for it.

Don’t get me wrong. I love nightlife. It can be a lot of fun and it has its place. As much as I poke fun I think it’s great to go out with your friends and have a great time, have a few drinks, and meet some attractive strangers. I’d go so far as to even defend it as a good place to meet people. Let me tell you, it’s a hell of a lot easier to go to a place filled with attractive girls and find the few interesting, smart, or substantial women there than to go to a place where supposedly more substantial or intelligent women go (let’s say, a professional mixer) and try to find the 1 attractive girl (let me clue you in….there aren’t any). I even have a friend who tried going to church to try to meet a normal girl …and he was fucking atheist!

I’ve met some great people in nightlife. I’m happy to call many of them my friends. So even though I’m stepping away from the blog and promoting, you’ll still see me out sipping on my Crown and Coke, chatting up some model / actress (aka “mattress”) and making fun of her every time she says “supposably”. And I’ll still be having a good time doing it.

But remember, if you start bragging to me about getting into some club I’m going to remind you that it’s no different than that unibrowed Persian guy telling you about his BMW (that his dad bought for him).

Talk about the achievement, not the status symbol. Tell me when you actually do something.

Otherwise please get the fuck out of our bottle service. :) Love, Xander Posted by Xander After Dark at 6:40 PM 5 comments Monday, March 1, 2010 Who's that? At the gym last night and cycling through the tired selection on my iPhone. I got so desperate I actually allowed a Creed song to infect my eardrums for a few seconds before hastily removing the plug from the topside of my phone and linking up to the audio on the TV screens in front of me.

Besides discovering that it is impossible to look manly on the elliptical machine, I stumbled on a show called Basketball Wives and watched the whole thing as I burn off the afternoon’s Pinkberry. Aside from inexplicably ignoring the 800-lb gorilla in the room – that the major requirement of being a basketball wife is looking the other way as your husband “takes it to the hole” on every cocktail waitress, bottle service girl, and club skank in 30 cities – this particular piece of journalistic drivel exposed a peculiar quality of hot chicks that I encounter regularly.

They interviewed several wives and each one said the same thing when recalling meeting their huge future husband to be.

“My friends said “Oh, Jason Kidd wants to meet you and I was all like, who is that? All the other girls were totally all over him but I didn’t even know who he was.”

Riiiiight.

Every one of the wives gave the same story. She didn’t know who this guy was, she kept ignoring him, he pursued her for 15 years before she finally relented and went out with him and it was another 15 years before they actually had sex. Because if there is one thing pro athletes are known for, it’s putting in a lot of work to get laid.

I hear this same line of B.S. all the time. I’ll be chatting up some 22-year old Santa Monica College psychology major and I’ll point out some B or C level celebrity at another table.

Me: Hey there’s Turtle from Entourage

Her: Who’s that? From what now? Oh I don’t really watch much TV.

So let me get this straight. I, heterosexual male busy with a day and a night job, whose interests include sports and finance, somehow recognize a celebrity (albeit not a very big one) but you empty-headed retard whose entire existence is spent reading US Weekly and TMZ and watching the E! Channel on a continuous loop, somehow is oblivious to the famous person in the room.

Really? “I don’t really watch much TV”

I’m sure your days are spent pouring over the latest iteration of the Senate’s health care reform bill and furiously nitpicking at the details or thumbing through your latest copy of The Economist considering the implications of microfinance in Indonesia and you’ve just pulled yourself away from this important work to come to Voyeur on a Wed. night but I somehow don’t buy that even with all on your plate you don’t notice the millionaire in the room.

“I don’t really care about celebrities…I don’t even notice them”

So a couple of weeks ago when I saw LA Laker Luke Walton at a certain hotel lounge on Hollywood and Orange and every girl in the room started hovering around him like the proverbial golddigging moths to the 6-year, $30M dollar guaranteed contract flame, it was just a mere coincidence that they were all standing around in that huddle making eyes at him. I mean your friends probably told you who he was but you don’t didn’t care because they’re just people like everyone else. People who are now making out with you.

“He totally hit on me once at party and slipped me his number but I never called…I was like ‘whatever’”

If she somehow slips up and actually admits to recognizing a celebrity, she will undoubtedly tell me about how she is unfazed by them and that it’s not big deal that they buy her a drink / call her / give her their number / bang her in the back of their Phantom. I’m sure she’s regularly passing up opportunities to instant riches by becoming Ray J’s baby momma or at least end up on a reality show. After all she has Stitch, the unemployed actor / part-time tattoo artist waiting at home for her. She’s too good for Ray J.

In the words of Seth Myers…..Really?

Posted by Xander After Dark at 10:38 PM 1 comments Friday, February 19, 2010 Fail Shopping for a new belt at the Beverly Center on a leisurely Saturday afternoon and I see an attractive blonde girl about to walk into Forever 21. She's not really my type but she has what we call "door value" meaning the club will be happy I invited her (i.e. she has more value when she gets to the club front "door"....presumably because she has a poof in her hair).

Anyway there's no rest for the promoting weary so I decide I need to approach her. Approaching girls during the day is good because they aren't always connected to 100 other promoters like most girls you see out on a Tues. night. So I stop her:

Me: Excuse me....hi, I'm Xander, I'm a club promoter. I was wondering if you go out in Hollywood. Girl: Um, not really. Me: So what you like, stay in on Sat. night, watch Grey's Anatomy reruns? *smiling* Girl: Ha. No. I'm 15.

Just then her Mom joined her and looked at me like she was ready to report me to Dateline: To Catch a Predator.

Fail Posted by Xander After Dark at 12:51 PM 2 comments Wednesday, February 17, 2010 At the door As I discussed in a previous post, one of the hazards of promoting is that you don't always know who someone is friends with. So I might know a really cute girl, but she might be the cute one in the group.

So started promoting at a new spot on Friday night. The night is going well, all my people are getting in no problem until I get a text from a cute girl in my phone.

Girl: Hey I'm here. I gave your name at the door but it didn't work. Me: Who are you with? Girl: 4 girls

I cringe because I know what this means. I walk out to take a look and I see them standing there. They aren't linebackers or anything but I see the problem. Never-the-less I pitch my case to door guy.

Me: "Hey man, these four are mine...what's the issue?" (as if I didn't know) Door Guy: "2 girls are alright, 2 aren't. One of them looks like a penguin."

Ouch.

The funny thing is, she wasn't fat. He just apparently thought she looked like this:

Posted by Xander After Dark at 9:42 PM 0 comments Monday, February 15, 2010 Thank you These have got to be the 2 rarest words in all of Los Angeles. I marvel at how infrequently I hear it. My fellow promoters and I talk about it all the time. Look I know you think you’re doing me a favor coming to the club. Yes, I get paid when you come but our life isn’t quite the Lil’ Wayne video you probably imagine. Sure I have a good time - after all it’s why I do this - but let me break it down for you.

If you are a girl and at our table, we might give you a drink from our bottle. Keep in mind you are one of many girls we’ve brought to the club..maybe as many as 50 or 60. Now a bottle of Grey Goose holds enough booze for about 12 drinks. I know they probably don’t teach math at FIDM but 12 is much less 60 and that doesn’t even include all the random bottle rats hovering around the table. Now I’ve mixed and given you a drink. Is it too much to ask for a little not-so-common courtesy? I know you have an inflated sense of self-importance because you have a skinny headband on and a poof in your hair and of course your new store bought boobs but that doesn’t mean you forgo the little bit of etiquette you extend your local Starbucks barista. Because even if your mom didn’t teach you any manners, I will.

Just this past Saturday night I heard stories from promoters I have worked with of girls barking drink orders at them and jingling their empty drinks like the promoter is some hired help or something. You wanna bark orders at someone? Go yell at the Wendy’s drive-thru guy. If you’re coming to our table and looking for a drink – because God-forbid you actually pay for something – then at least have the decency to say hello and introduce yourself and say thank you when I hand you the mostly roofie-free Vodka / Soda from our bottle.

This goes for guys too. If we get you in when you don’t show up with any girls then say thank you. Maybe even offer to buy me a drink. Yeah I know it looks like I’m ballin’ but I assure you I’m not getting paid that much and only have a few drink tickets and bottle for a lot of thirsty and sober girls looking to get fucked up. So I end up buying my own drinks most of the time.

I know this isn’t exactly global warming or health care or something actually important but it’s just endemic of an overall sense of undeserved entitlement that most people (especially women) in this town have and it irritates the shit out of me. I mean if a “thank you” is good enough for one of Mickey Avalon’s groupies, its good enough for you. Posted by Xander After Dark at 9:31 PM 0 comments Monday, February 8, 2010 The one that got away The French girl from your study abroad. The grade school crush. The girl from the bar that one night. Everyone has one.....even a jaded club promoter.

Heidi and I went to high school together. We barely knew each other but our brief interactions were among the only things I remember – or choose to remember – from my formative years. We sat next to each other in Advanced Placement Biology. She was studious and nerdy but underneath the square glasses and overalls lay the burgeoning femininity of a half-Swedish, half- Vietnamese young girl, not yet full aware of her ability to weaken men’s knees. She was like the girl in the Freddy Prinze Jr. movie, beautiful but slightly awkward and focused more on class than the varsity football game, ready for a makeover to truly unlock her potential.

We sat up front. Her for the proximity to the overhead projector. Me for the opportunity to steal glances of her thighs as her rose-patterned black shimmering skirt hiked up her leg when she sat down. My focus on fossil records and DNA replication was constantly being diverted each time Heidi raised her hand to ask a question, or ran her fingers through her hair, sending her straight sandy blond hair back to the small of her back.

I make her laugh by signing into the lab sheet as “Mike Hunt”. She shows me pictures of her that her mom says makes her look too “chink-y.” Each time I get up and walk toward the Bunson burner during lab, I sneak a glimpse of her frilly, pastel colored underwear as she crosses and uncrosses her legs, sending an unfamiliar tingling sensation through my boy parts.

As graduation approaches, I’m informed through a mutual friend that Heidi doesn’t have a date for the prom. My desire to ask her is overwhelmed by my painful shyness. This future Hollywood club promoter is paralyzed by a deathly fear of rejection. Prom passes and graduation arrives. As we are signing each other’s yearbooks I am surprised to find that Heidi has left me her phone number. On the last day of school we run into each other in an empty hall:

“You have my number right?” I do. “You should call or something” “I will” my voice cracks

I stared at her phone number in my yearbook for more than a month. Endless permutations of potential future interactions ran through my mind. By the end of the month I had married and divorced her dozens of times in my minds eye and with each machination of imagined captured and lost young lust, I became more fearful and convinced of the futility of picking up the phone.

I never called.

Over the years, Heidi became a metaphor. A reason to approach the random girl at the coffee shop. To head out on a rainy night when I’d rather stay in. The ups and downs – especially the downs - of finding lust and love in Hollywood were occasionally tempered by the memory of a 17- year old closing a yearbook and the feeling of defeat as he stored it away in the back of his closet for the last time.

For most people, this story epilogues with a chance encounter at the grocery store years later, or a name-tag wearing high school reunion where the object of their past crush has morphed into a stroller pushing suburban resident, heavy-set and married, the remnants of youthful desire only faintly conspicuous behind a nostalgic twinkle in each other’s eyes. The sting of lost potential is assuaged by the knowledge that not all that glitters is gold and the passing years reassure that your idealized crush was just that.

But this isn’t a storybook Hollywood ending. This is a True Hollywood Story.

Last Saturday I am on a bar stool, watching UFC 109. Between fights I glance up and see a familiar face smiling on the glowing screen. The glasses that slid down her face as she looked up at the chalkboard are gone. The sandy blonde hair is dyed platinum but the dimply smile is unmistakable. She waves at the camera…a wave once directed at me more than a decade earlier when a lesser known member of the cheerleading squad stretched and said hello to a lesser known member of the basketball team as he warmed up for a game.

I entertain a brief fantasy of reconnection. Walking outside a club to greet a long lost crush. Walking through the crowd with fingers interlocked as gawking observers see the more polished versions of two people from humble beginnings.

My eyes return to the plasma screen and to her right side where I see her companion seated next to her at ringside. My brief fantasy is quickly dashed away and my day-dream comes to an abrupt awakening.

Heidi………… is Chuck Liddell’s new girlfriend.

FML Posted by Xander After Dark at 11:17 AM 5 comments Sunday, January 31, 2010 Help me help you This is a phrase my friends and I use. What we mean by that is when you come to the club, I want to help you get in. In fact, that’s my job. I want the door guy to marvel at my ability to bring gorgeous girls to his venue. I want to walk out and have him say, “Nice work Xander, I have been standing here with a rod in my pants for the last 2 hours just staring at the prime trim you’ve brought out tonight. You are the Pied Piper of Poontang.”

And I want you to have a good time too. If I invited you out, chances are I’d like to hang out with you. If all goes well you have a good time, I get paid, we have some drinks, maybe hang out at our table, and everyone goes home happy (and hopefully with someone attractive).

But I can’t do it alone. You’ve got to work with me here.

That means if you say you are coming you don’t forget to mention that you are bringing 5 dudes with you.

That means you leave your 300 lb coworker with the overbite at home watching CSI reruns.

That means you don’t dress like you are going to 80’s night in Ecco Park.

Let me give you an analogy. Let’s say I want to hang out with you. So I call you up and you say great let’s hang out. And you add “Hey I’m going to my weekly Anti-immigration group meeting. Tonight’s topic is keeping Mexican midgets out of the country because they are taking all our good pro wrestling jobs." (Apparently you're an Orange County Republican). But regardless I agree to meet up with you.

On my way to meet you, I stop by and pick up my friend Chuy. As you can see, Chuy is Mexican. And a midget. But I like to keep Chuy around because he makes me feel better about myself. I mean, sure I might have the occasional premature ejaculation, but at least I’m not 4 ft tall right?

So Chuy and I show up just as you are discussing Luche Lubre. Now tell me, should I be surprised if you don’t seem happy to see us?

But Chuy is soooo fun I say. He had me cracking up the whole way over with tales of his midget life. Why do you have to be a dick about it? I just wanted to come hang out at your Anti- immigration rally and maybe enjoy some of the refreshments.

You see this is exactly what you are doing when you show up to club like this:

It’s actually worse because in my case you can actually get me fired. And promoting isn’t like working at Toyota where if you screw up, you sit down with HR and they write you up and discuss disciplinary actions for your excessive porn use at the office. Nope in my case I get fired on the spot. At worst I get fired. At best I’m going to be enduring weeks of “Hey can you keep your guest list under 2 tons tonight?” jokes.

So save the angry text messages. Save the questioning of my abilities as a promoter.

Side note: In general, questioning the credibility of a promoter is like questioning the table manners of a chimpanzee. Of course if you are reading a blog about the crooks, drug addicts, and bathroom blowjobers of the nightlife industry, you’d understandably expect the highest degree of journalistic integrity. Just had to get that out of the way for any blog tourists. :)

So in summary, help me help you get into the club. We all know that these places are in the business of bringing the most attractive women in and selling the chance to try to sleep with them to a few dudes in bottle service in a kind of high stakes mating ritual. Don’t be surprised when they don’t let you in if you aren’t bringing the goods and definitely don’t expect me to help you reverse this rather obvious and explicit requirement like I’m MLK marching on Washington for the overweight and unsexy. I don’t make the rules here, I just live by them.

So please….leave Chuy at home. Posted by Xander After Dark at 10:20 PM 0 comments Wednesday, January 27, 2010 Occupational Hazard I'm dancing with a Xander special - trashy blonde with an nice body. My buddy comes behind me and leans in my ear.

Buddy: Don't make out with her. Me: Why? Buddy: She just blew a guy in the alley. Me: That's a good reason.

I walked away without saying goodbye. Posted by Xander After Dark at 11:14 PM 0 comments Saturday, January 23, 2010 Only in LA...... is the checkout girl at the supermarket hotter than the model on the cover of the magazine displayed next to her.

Forget Voyeur on Thursday, I'm going to start hanging out at Ralph's on Poinsettia.

Posted by Xander After Dark at 7:25 PM 0 comments Thursday, January 21, 2010 Bottle rats or How to get a girl attracted to you

It's a rainy week here in the City of Angels so I've been reminiscing about the great summer I had. It reminded me of a story a friend and fellow promoter told me about his first time at XIV in the summer.

XIV Sunday afternoons in the summer were as good as it gets in LA. The heat was on, the house music blaring, and the 9's and 10's were dancing in the booths overlooking Sunset Blvd. Traffic slowed to a crawl as gawkers and passers-by stared slack-jarred in disbelief, wondering what the hell was going on in broad daylight on week's sabbath day.

My buddy and his friends get a table and a few $500 bottles of vodka. Eventually a random girl comes by and starts fixing herself a drink. My buddy's friend - we'll call him Mark because that's what the girl thought he was - engages her:

Mark: "Hi" Bottle Rat: (not making eye contact, continues pouring) "Hi" Mark: (louder, like he's rudely interrupting) "HI!" Bottle Rat: (continues pouring, still barely acknowledging his existence) "Hi"

Mark then grabs the full drink out of her hand, puts his hand over the terrace balcony and turns the cup upside down, pouring heavily marked-up Grey Goose into the bushes outside.

Mark: "Get the fuck out of here"

In the words of Ali G....Respect

Be a Mark and not a mark and don't let bottle rats ruin your night. Posted by Xander After Dark at 12:05 AM 4 comments Monday, January 18, 2010 "My phone died" Translation: I did not want to talk to or hang out with you.

Posted by Xander After Dark at 9:45 PM 0 comments Thursday, January 14, 2010 Guidos vs. Persians Got into another NY vs. LA discussion the other day and it got me thinking about a couple of things. First, why does NY has so many great classic songs by everyone from Frank Sinatra to Tha Dogg Pound to the latest Jay-Z and Alicia Keys song yet the best LA can do is "I'm in LA, bitch" - a crappy remix to a crappy song?

But more importantly I thought about the two blemishes on otherwise fine respective nightlife scenes. So it's time for a look at...... drumroll please...... Guidos vs. Persians. GUIDOS PERSIANS

Facebook Profile Pic Shirtless in the mirror BMW

Native Habitat Jersey / Staten Island Westwood / Beverly Hills

Ride Escalade Magic carpet (Daddy's SLR on the weekends)

Blasting out of car

Shitty house music Shitty Indian music

Fashion Statement

Popped collar Gold chain Wants to sell you Mortgage Loan Modification A luxury car

Free time spent

Tanning, Working out Bragging, Waxing body hair

Has weakness for Nose rings / Tramp stamps Blonde white girls with poof in their hair

Tan Artificial Hereditary

Often mistaken for

Puerto Ricans Cousin It

Can usually be seen

Lifting weights Arguing loudly

"The Situation" Mike Sorrentino's Abs Your drain is now clogged with hair

Biggest Fear Herpes Airport security

Tattoo Italian Flag Mercedes symbol

People (incorrectly) assume your family is In the Mafia In Al Qaeda

Famous Ladies man Giacomo Casanova Daaavid from Brenvooood (see link in comment section)

Biggest disappointment Sopranos Finale Cousin just bought more expensive car than you

Preferred hairdo BlowoutBack hair

Last Name Ends In Vowel Having to spit

Signature move

Fist pump Cussing out bouncer, yelling "I can buy and sell 10 of you" then apologizing profusely and eventually buying bottle service Posted by Xander After Dark at 6:36 PM 1 comments Shwayze - Let It Beat If you are looking for a great soundtrack to the LA lifestyle, I highly recommend this album (no, I'm not getting paid to endorse it). I saw these guys open for label-mate Mickey Avalon and again at the Sunset Strip Music Festival. While their debut album was all about the beach and the sunshine, this one goes a little more risque with tales of club bathroom sex and casting couches. Shwayze's familair lyrical topics - women and weed - are again laid over Cisco Adler's catchy production and the result has been playing in my car as I roll down Sunset in 75 degree January- in-LA weather. Check out the single, my favorite song on the album, pasted below...

Posted by Xander After Dark at 2:26 AM 0 comments Tuesday, January 12, 2010 Brutal Honesty I was reminded of this story by my friend Juni, who attended the opening weekend of a A-level club on Santa Monica Blvd. with me. The promoter on the night is arguably the biggest promoter in town. We roll up and are talking to the bouncer as a frantic and growing crowd outside is trying to get in and pretending to text someone to ameliorate the awkwardness of being on the wrong side of the velvet rope.

The promoter - who I'll call "Simon" - comes out and people start shouting his name to try to get themselves in.

A guy shouts at him: Dude: "Simon, I know you from blah, blah, blah" Simon: "Sorry bro, tomorrow night I might know you, but tonight I don't. "

A pair of girls (cute, but not hot) start shouting at him:

Girls: "Simon, Simon get us in!!!" Simon: *looking them up and down* "Sorry girls, only the pretty people inside tonight"

Then he walks back inside.

Wow. I've never been more inspired in entire my life. I think I actually shed a tear of joy. Posted by Xander After Dark at 1:57 AM 1 comments Tuesday, January 5, 2010 Under New Managerment So after bagging on Halo (previously Ritual, previously White Lotus), I should pass along the info that the closed-since-summer club named after the video game of the same name was recently purchased by SBE Entertainment (XIV, MI6, Area, Hyde). A redo and reopening is scheduled for the first quarter of 2010.

If previous SBE incarnations are any indication, the new spot will be ultra hot and have a very short name. Posted by Xander After Dark at 11:52 PM 2 comments More Plausible Deniability These are two of my favorites “I don’t go to clubs to meet guys”

This is ALWAYS followed by this exchange: Me: The last guy you dated. What was his name? Girl: Blah, blah, blah Me: Where did you meet him? Girl: At a club Me: *Staring blankly, then walking away*

“I don’t really go clubbing”

The majority of girls say this at some point in the conversation. I get it; you don’t want to be known as a “club girl.” But seriously these places are packed week after week, with girls who supposedly don’t go clubbing. It reminds me of reading that 74% of people say they have better than average judgment (this is obviously mathematically impossible). The same principle has been shown in studies of job performance, driving ability, and physical appearance.

But really you don’t go clubbing. Posted by Xander After Dark at 1:23 AM 0 comments Sunday, January 3, 2010 "I just want to dance" She don't want a man, She just wants to dance.... -Asher Roth

I understand that girls need plausible deniability but you must know how ridiculous this sounds. If you really wanted to just dance you could go to a dance class or a gay club. But instead you spend 2 hours getting ready, putting on uncomfortable clothes and shoes, getting your flakey pain-in-the-ass friends together, arguing for an hour where to go, dealing with Saturday night traffic and parking, dealing with door drama, dealing with other bitchy / hating girls, getting bumped and shoved all night, paying $14 a drink at a 700% markup, having said drink spilled on your new $200 dress, getting grabbed aggressively by douchebags, and taking care of your drunk friend who you actually hate…..all for the chance of meeting a guy or at least having a guy grind his boner on you from behind.

But you just want to dance. Posted by Xander After Dark at 11:37 PM 0 comments Saturday, January 2, 2010 Life Cycle of a Hollywood Club - Pt 2 Alright in Part 1 I went over the first 3 phases of a clubs life span. Now we’ll go over the Tiers 4-6. One point of clarification. I wouldn’t be caught dead in any of these places. But I know what they’re like because when I was 21 and started going clubbing and I often ended up here with me and my entourage of dudes. Anyway, here we go…..

Tier 4 – Community College So named because 1) no matter who you are, are, $20 gets you in and 2) there are a lot of Asians. Usually a club is predominantly Asian in this phase with some Hispanic and Indian (7-11, not casino) mixed in. Girls get charged cover as well unless they’re very hot. Some clubs that have had extended Community College phases are Highlands, Area, and Element.

Tier 5 – Pack a Vest and A Chrome

There’s one word for this phase: G-H-E-T-T-O. It’s like Saddle Ranch came to the club. “Bankrupt” just got out of prison and wants to get his groove on. The people come from the Inland Empire and places that you’ve heard of in N.W.A. songs. Lots of Tapout and sports jerseys. There are entire herds of 200 lb+ Mexican girls. The whole place smells like weed. Guys = neck tattoos, Girls = boob tattoos with their man’s name (may he rest in peace) in cursive writing. I’ve actually seen a guy with a FACE tattoo in one of these clubs. Not just Mike Tyson around the eye tribal symbol stuff. I’m talking both cheeks fully tatted and the word FUCK on one side and YOU on the other.

Fights will often break out in these clubs. Let me rephrase that. Shoving matches will break out. Guys in LA are way too pussy to actually ever throw a bunch. It might screw up their faux-hawk.

Tier 6 – Clusterfuck My friend Kelly correctly identified and named this phase when we unintentionally ended up at Ritual a few weeks before it closed. In the clusterfuck phase you have:

A mostly empty club. Only about 15% -20% as many people as when the club was hot Random ass people in the club. A midget in a wheelchair. A creepy 70-year old guy in a hospital gown (hey he had $20). A woman brought her kids and they’re drinking. A random “10” – you have no idea what she’s doing there. Is she a hooker? Is she dating a bartender? Out of towner? Have a penis? All of the above? Tier 6 clubgoer

After this phase the club mercifully shuts down for 6-12 months, remodels and changes its name to something cooler and more vague and starts the lifecycle over again. A few observations about the whole process

Clubs surprisingly make the most money in the later phases. Everyone is paying cover and they pack the place in like sardines. AND they still buy drinks. This is more lucrative than a bunch of 9’s and 10’s who don’t spend any money and just a few baller dudes in bottle service. Clubs will try to only shut down for a short time and reopen but this doesn’t work. You can’t fool me Empire, you’re still Sugar. The worst was Ritual not even closing but actually sectioning off half and calling it Halo. You can’t fool me; I can still smell the weed coming from Ritual next door! You’re sill Ritual and you’re still a Tier 5! Some spots are blessed and some are just cursed. The place that is now XIV was Privilege before that and Shelter before that and all 3 have enjoyed elite crowds and long runs. Contrast that with a not-to-be-named place near Hollywood and Highland that over 3 turnovers has never been higher than Tier 3.

Posted by Xander After Dark at 2:22 AM 4 comments Monday, December 28, 2009 "We need more sluts" Only in this business can you go to your Monday morning business meeting and hear this phrase.

I guess if you worked at a brothel.

The general manager of the club said this when referring to the fact that he noticed the bottle service clients weren't getting laid. So if you or someone you know is whoring it up around town, please get in touch with me. Apparently my clientele skews too classy. Posted by Xander After Dark at 1:19 PM 0 comments Saturday, December 26, 2009 Xmas in Hollywood The promoting team and I did a one-off promoting gig at Playhouse on Christmas Day. You would have thought people would stay in on this of all days but you'd be wrong. Not only was it packed but notorious nightowl and former UFC champ Chuck Liddell was in the house. So you could say I had a very Hallmark Christmas - 72 degrees outside and hanging out in bottle service with The Iceman. Can't help but think it's what Jesus would have wanted.

I love when my east coast friends visit and they say about LA weather "Yeah but I like seasons." I like seasons too....that's why I live in a place that skips the shitty ones. Posted by Xander After Dark at 3:07 PM 0 comments Tuesday, December 22, 2009 HDNet Filming My promoting partners and I just filmed a special for HDNet about the Top Ten Party Cities in America. It went really well and we can't wait for the airing. Pictures and videos will be uploaded soon....stay tuned. Posted by Xander After Dark at 12:14 AM 0 comments Translating Bouncer Speak

“We’re at capacity” The place is empty but you rolled up with 3 dudes. (My favorite part of this one is a minute after saying this stretch hummer of 20 girls will roll up and walk right in)

“It’s a private party tonight” By private I mean it excludes fat chicks.

“I don’t see you on the list” You’re ugly and I’m hoping dumb enough to not realize there isn’t actually a list in my hand

“That promoter isn’t here tonight” I’m going to go yell at him for inviting you “Who are you with?” Ditch the guys who drove you here (And they will)

“That promoters list is closed” To you

“Gimme a sec” You’ll be out here all night. Save yourself some time and just go straight to Saddle Ranch.

There's a great movie called Bounce that takes this a step further and looks at the lives of bouncers in NY and LA. Posted by Xander After Dark at 12:02 AM 0 comments Monday, December 21, 2009 NYE in LA If you're planning on being in LA on New Year's Eve, I got all the info and best deals. Go to http://www.XanderEvents.blogspot.com to check out the events and email me at XanderAfterDark(at)gmail.com for tickets!

Posted by Xander After Dark at 11:55 PM 0 comments Life Cycle of a Hollywood Club – Pt 1 Generally a Hollywood club has a 2-3 year lifespan. There are some that go longer – Les Deux for example has had an almost 4 year run and counting – and some go much shorter (Apple Lounge got Ed Hardy-ed in less than a year). But in general this is how it goes:

A couple notes on this: 1) It might sound like this is about race but it’s really about social class and sometimes social class and race go together. 2) These are broad strokes…each tier bleeds into the other. Ok on to the show….

Tier 1: "You’re not on the list"

When a club from a proven owner opens up, it starts in Tier 1. It’s packed with 9’s and 10’s and there are hardly any guys except the promoters for most of the night (by the end it’s about 30% guys). 7’s get shot down at the door and go home to purge. There are a ton of paparazzi outside. Inside there is a heavy skew toward scantily clad white, blonde girls with big fake boobs and poofs in their hair. When a club from a proven owner opens up, it starts in Tier 1. It’s packed with 9’s and 10’s and there are hardly any guys except the promoters for most of the night (by the end it’s about 30% guys). 7’s get shot down at the door and go home to purge. There are a ton of paparazzi outside. Inside there is a heavy skew toward scantily clad white, blonde girls with big fake boobs and poofs in their hair.

There are some celebrity sightings, most of whom have been paid to be there. It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than to get past the door. The club gets press in Us Weekly and TMZ. They sell bottle service at exorbitant prices and still they make sure that the guys dropping $2,000 are good looking. Voyeur is currently a Tier 1 club.

Tier 2:"300"

Once the Persians know where the blonde hotties go they immediately start infiltrating. The door people form a Spartan like phalyx to hold off the invading Persian army. However the Tier 1 crowd has been frequenting the same club for months and ennui is setting in. Their burnout means the crowd gets lighter, loosening the door policy. Eventually they start selling bottle service to Persians, bankers, and guys who live at home with their parents and lease their car so they can buy bottles at the club. The girls are still really hot but they are more diverse and the ratio drops to about 55%-60% girls. Towards the end of this phase the club starts charging cover charge to guys but not girls. This practice is actually illegal. Tier 3:

"Bridge and Tunnel"

Everyone in the club is from the valley (Burbank, Sherman Oaks, etc) or similarly far away places. We don’t actually have bridges and tunnels in LA so the equivalent are the hills that separate the valley from Hollywood and the Westside. Clientele are primarily Hispanic and Asian and the ratio is about 60% - 65% dudes. You’ll also start to see a lot more grinding as the preferred method of approach.Empire is currently a tier 3 club.

Stay tuned for Part 2 next week where I cover Tiers 4-6 Posted by Xander After Dark at 11:21 PM 0 comments Wednesday, December 16, 2009 You look....Haute

Just getting back from the soft opening of Haute, the new place occupying what was formerly Apple Lounge. The new décor is cool and the kitchen is huge. Like Apple, they have separated the lounge / dining area from the skanks-get-their-groove-on section. Didn’t get a look at the menu but I assume it will be typical skewers and sliders. By the way, just because you shrink a hamburger down and call it a slider doesn’t make it gourmet cuisine. I’ve never understood this.

Anyway this promising new spot will hopefully revitalize this interesting space in the heart of Boystown. More details to follow as the club gets its real opening. Posted by Xander After Dark at 1:13 AM 0 comments Monday, December 14, 2009 Great Drake Line "Shorty wanna party so don't let your girl up out the house, Or there'll be shots on TMZ of me giving her mouth-to-mouth"

Posted by Xander After Dark at 10:48 PM 0 comments Tuesday, December 8, 2009 Bye Bye Bar Delux Found out the Bar Delux is closing in Feb 2010 and will remodel to become a restaurant / lounge. There is no truth to the rumor that the club failed because it refused to let me in on opening night (can't a guy show up with his 2 buddies at midnight anymore?).

I heard the original name for Bar Delux was going to be "We Only Have Tables So Buy One or You'll Look Like a Huge Douche." I guess that wouldn't fit on the sign out front. Posted by Xander After Dark at 2:44 AM 0 comments Saturday, December 5, 2009 Irony I'm hanging out at MI6 and strike up a conversation with a "blonde." Her roots are clearly showing and she has rather obvious long extensions. She's wearing a pound of make up, green contact lenses, and fake porn-star looking eyelashes. Her breast implants brush up against me periodically when one of us gets bumped. She's wearing 6 inch heels and confesses that she's only 5' tall. We're having a NY vs. LA discussion when she drops this gem.

"I hate how everyone in LA is so fake."

After staring at her blankly for a second, I walked away without saying goodbye. Posted by Xander After Dark at 1:17 AM 0 comments Thursday, December 3, 2009 Introduction

Xander: Forgive me father for I have sinned

Father: Go on

Xander: I’ve treated women poorly father

Father: Have you beat them?

Xander: No. But I have rated them 1-10 in my phone. And invited them to events based on that rating.

Father: Go on

Xander: I’ve fucked….sorry, I mean fornicated. I’ve fornicated with these women. In the clubs. In the bathroom at these clubs.

Father: Go on my son Xander: I’ve insulted these women. I called them fat. I told them to take their ugly friend home and come back to the club. I may have called them a wildebeast and said that her open toed shoes looked like she was baking bread. I’ve called them a cougar and clawed them all night with my paw.

Father: You have much to confess

Xander: There’s more. I have discriminated against others based on their race.

Father: Oh my. How have you done this?

Xander: A Middle Eastern gentleman tried to get in my club. I denied him.

Father: I guess that’s not so bad.

Xander: And then I tried to explain to Ali Baba that he and his girlfriend could get in but his 40 thieves would need bottle service.

Father: That’s racist

Xander: There’s more father.

Father: Oh no

Xander: I have much to confess. Drinking in excess. Sex. Coveting. Adultery. Bearing false witness. Wearing Affliction. What should I do?

Father: What do you mean?

Xander: Hail Mary’s? Our Father’s?

Father: Huh? You know you’re in a bathroom stall right?

Xander: I don’t go to church, you’ve all I’ve got man!

Father: Um, I guess you could tip the bathroom attendant.

Xander: Then what?

Father: You could confess online. Like a blog or something

Xander: That’s a great idea father!

Father: Oh, and stop calling me father. It’s creepy.

Xander: You’ve got it. And one more thing. Father: What?

Xander: Say Xander’s list at the door!

Posted by Xander After Dark at 1:04 AM 0 comments

======

Pick-Up Coach Share: facebook

Pick-Up Coach Name: Xander Location: Hollywood, CA Gender: M Age: 32 I was a practitioner of Pick-Up Arts, as taught through numerous books, classes, and online forums. Now I help legions of average, frustrated chumps learn how to interact with women and land the dates and relationships they've always wanted. Ask me anything! remaining: 250 Submit Question Subscribe to this Q&A | Sort by: Q What pick-up techniques do you recommend most? Asked by greenlight on 03/06/2012 A

Well first I put on eyeliner and a fuzzy hat. Then I ask a girl if this is her card. Then I spend the next 20 minutes talking about how awesome I am and how lame she is. And then I take her home.

Kidding, kidding. All of those oft-touted "pick-up" strategies are kind of red herrings. The "techniques" that were featured in "The Game" or VH1's "The Pickup Artist" reality show are lame and played out like Arnold's "What you talking 'bout Willis?" If you walk up to a girl today and ask "would you still date a guy who was friends with his ex?" I hope she says "would you still use a lame opening line from a dated, poorly written book?"

But the lameness of those specific tactics aside, the themes that underlie them, such as understanding female psychology, dominance, playful teasing, displaying ...More Thumbsup 217 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q If I'm already in the friend zone, should I just chalk it up as a loss, or is there a good way you recommend to get out of the friend zone? Asked by mrniceguy (again) on 03/06/2012 A

You'd have an easier time escaping Riker's Island than the dreaded Friend Zone. "But I have this one friend who knew this chick for 5 years...... " Don't want to hear it. Move on, if you were a sexual option it would have happened by now. Every woman has loads of "guy friends" that think they are one drunken night out away from making it happen. They aren't. Thumbsup 217 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q What's the typical path taken by those who get involved with the pick-up community and coaching? Asked by Timmay on 03/06/2012 A

Generally, everyone first reads "The Game", then Mystery's book, then blogs and online forums. Many people take bootcamps which are generally 3 days of lecture and 2 nights in bars approaching women. I took 2 bootcamps with the top companies. One was a regular comprehensive bootcamp, one was a specialized one. I also attended 3-4 special seminars by instructors who had good reputations. At the beginning it was a little like learning martial arts. Some people advocated jiu-jitsu, some Krav Maga, and interested students wanted to know what worked best. Over time all the theories and strategies narrowed down to a more or less to a single consensus much in the way the various martial arts eventually turned into the Mixed Martial Arts you see practiced in UFC. Thumbsup 214 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

You may also like: Dating Website Employee, Flirting/Relationship Coach, Nightclub Promoter Q Are you mostly coaching sci-fi geeks who've never kissed a girl, or regular dudes trying to sharpen their game? Asked by hansolo on 03/06/2012 A

Although I'd love to avoid the cop-out answer I can't.... there are all kinds. In my bootcamp there was a 23-year-old millionaire who had been with 300 women, a guy nearing his 50s, a successful Asian director, and a bunch of computer programmers. I'd say about 20% of my clients are, well...virgins. But there are plenty of regular dudes...investment bankers, lawyers, etc who just need the nudge. Thumbsup 208 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q How do I make it sting less when I get rejected? Asked by Anon on 03/06/2012 A

12 beers. No, I'm kidding.

One word: Volume. The more you do it, the less any one approach means to you. If you work up the nerve all night to talk to one girl and it doesn't go well you'll feel it a lot more than you would if she was one of 10 you talked to that night. Over time you'll also develop a thicker skin and a realization of how much of a woman's decision to say "yes" is influenced by a multitude of factors you have nothing to do with. Thumbsup 205 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q I have zero game in bars. Are there any particular venues that you think are underrated as places to meet decent women? Asked by rossp on 03/06/2012 A If you have "zero game" as you say, it's unlikely to improve just because you set foot in an establishment that serves coffee instead of alcohol. Women don't change species just because they are in a club. Work on the game part first...are you anxious? Dull? Overly deferential? Address whatever it is head on. Once you've managed that, then you can start worrying about the types of venues that will enable you to meet the most compatible women.

I will say that Bed Bath and Beyond is highly underrated (I'm serious) Thumbsup 195 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q What kinds of women respond best to these pick-up techniques? Asked by MrX on 03/06/2012 A

All of them. That's not to say all women are the same. Women respond to power and status, for example. But power and status for a 21 year old club girl means something different that it does to a 28 year old corporate attorney. The knock on the "techniques" is that they only work on insecure women but while there's a grain of truth in that, being charming or having good game is something virtually all women recognize and respond to. Thumbsup 194 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q How long after you set about trying to improve with women yourself did things really start to click? Asked by Sal on 03/06/2012 A

I was fortunate in that I was never really terrible with women so pretty quickly after I starting going out regularly I was seeing that girls responded to me. But a little like a game of wack-a-mole when you learn one thing you find others popping up. For example I'm still trying to get comfortable with a girl telling me she likes me without freaking out. Thumbsup 194 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q If I'm at a bar talking to some chick and she mentions she has a boyfriend but continues to flirt with me, is it safe to assume there's still a chance to hook up? Asked by fuggedaboutit on 03/09/2012 A

Ha... this kind of makes me chuckle because it highlights a little bit of gender projection. When we guys talk to a girl (especially in a bar) it's because we want to hook up with her. Black and white; plain and simple. Doesn't work that way for girls. She gets most of what she wants (ego boost, feeling desired) from the flirtation itself. In psychology this is the concept of narcisstic supply. Or put another way as a study on female sexuality concluded, "For women, feeling desired is the orgasm."

So while yes it is possbile you can still hook up and that she's just mentioning it so she feels like it's your fault when it happens ("I told him I have a boyfriend!"), it's much more likely that she's enjoying the flirtation and attention with no intention of actually acting on it. You're much ...More Thumbsup 193 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q What's the most common mistake you see your clients making with women and how do you correct it? Asked by 112211 on 03/06/2012 A

Bragging. Or worse, humblebragging. It's utterly transparent. I'm sure you are proud of the Law & Order-worthy case you've laid out of why she should like you but that's not really how it works. As far as correcting it, pretty simple. Knock it off.

But really "mistakes" or any thing revolving around technique takes a big backseat to just overcoming various fears and insecurities which, unfortunately, take more time and effort to "correct." Thumbsup 193 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Is your position as dating coach a full time or part time source of income? Asked by EmilyStylist on 03/06/2012 A

I did it part-time but there is an entire industry of guys that do it full time. Ebooks, DVD's and such can add significant income and serves as marketing for the more expensive personalized coaching. Thumbsup 193 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Have you ever met or worked with Neil Strauss, Mystery, or any of the other well-known guys from The Game? Asked by Marcus on 03/06/2012 A

I know Neil and have met and been out with Mystery on many occasions. I've met virtually all of the characters in The Game. Haven't worked with any of them although I did work for the biggest PUA company on an independent project for a time in exchange for some coaching. Thumbsup 191 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q If I'm gonna booty-call via text, what's the best possible opener? "Where u at?" ain't cutting it anymore. Asked by psufoo! on 03/12/2012 A

You're way overthinking it. Girls aren't stupid; if you are texting at 2am it doesn't matter if it's "Where u at?," "Hey" or "The Yankees win the pennant!" she knows why you're texting. Thumbsup 191 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Have you ever worked with a guy you thought was utterly hopeless, and did you have much success? Asked by Marty on 03/06/2012 A

I've never had anyone I thought was hopeless but I know coaches who have. There is definitely a point where I can go no further as coach and a therapist has to pick up the baton. Like the proverbial onion, peoples' layers often take time to peel away and often reveal things that they didn't know were there. And like most things, you can lead a horse to water...... Thumbsup 188 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Cologne - yes or no? Asked by Lucky4 on 03/07/2012 A

I'm of an ethnicity known for wearing too much so I abstain completely but I think most guys can get away with a dash. It's hard not to envison cheesy meatheads putting on Acqua Di Gio before grinding at Pure in Vegas but some women have told me they like it so feel free to knock yourself out. Thumbsup 187 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Are your clients just trying to bed tons of women, or is it less superficial than that? Asked by JackFlash on 03/06/2012 A

There are a small minority of chronic womanizers who are just trying to run up their numbers, but I'd say 95% of the guys that I coach want to have a little fun for a few years and settle down with a cool girlfriend. They just want to feel like they have some say in the matter. Thumbsup 187 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Dating in the workplace -- love it or hate it? I know it's an HR no-no, but it seems totally natural given how much time we spend with co-workers. Asked by THEMichaelScott on 03/06/2012 A

You know how they get pandas to mate? They just stick 'em in the same cage. We may eat Slim Jims instead of bamboo and reside in cubicles instead of cages but we Homo Sapiens aren't much different despite annual sexual harassment training. As long as you aren't breathing heavy on your assistant I say knock yourself out. Plus the forbidden aspect and the secret keeping are likely to amp up the sexual tension so enjoy. Just don't spill coffee on my TPS reports. Thumbsup 186 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q How did you discover the pick-up community? Asked by mumbai on 03/06/2012 A

After years of middling success with dating, I read the book "The Game" in 2006. Here I found that there was an actual strategy being employed by geeky men all across the globe and they were reporting back to their fellow geeks via the interwebs. I spent the next few years reading these geek's strategies, experiences, and advice, some of which was brilliant, some of which was terrible. I also met virtually every character in the book, dozens more instructors, hundreds of practicing pupils, and of course many, many pretty ladies (and a few ugly ones). Thumbsup 185 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q I'm a little overweight - nothing crazy, but definitely doughy. Average height. What's best way to dress & present myself to compensate for it? Asked by The Hammer! on 03/14/2012 A

Get in the gym and lose the weight. Extra weight is really hard to conceal. Wearing black or a vest can help a bit but it still shows in your face. Pick up some weights, hit the track and most importantly, eat clean and you can wear all the tight t-shirts you want. Thumbsup 185 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q What was your first "aha" moment after you started learning the ropes? Asked by MrX on 03/06/2012 A

I think it was the first time I hung out with Mystery, one of the most prominent dating coaches. He was wearing some ridiculous multi-colored coat and a belt buckle that was playing his Vh1 show on an LCD screen. I was talking to a girl and she said "Look at him, he looks ridiculous. Like he needs attention." 20 minutes later she was all over him. The "aha" was that what people (especially women) say and what they do are frequently not the same thing. Thumbsup 184 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Why is Bed Bath & Beyond and good place to meet women? What's a good opening line in that kind of place? Asked by subzer0 on 03/06/2012 A

There are always attractive women there and perhaps there's something to the "nesting" aspect of the place.

Lines are overrated. There's nothing wrong with "Hey I know this is a pretty random place to do this but I want to meet you. I'm Xander."

If you want to get cute you could also ask "Hey do you know where they sell blankets in here?" Thumbsup 181 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q How many dates should there be before sex? (I'm 22, btw). Asked by cantsaysorry! on 02/09/2013 A

Unclear if you are a guy or girl.

If you are a guy...."should" is a dangerous word. If she senses too much of an expectation of sex it'll turn her off. So you can't show it. It should be (or at least seem) organic. You're 22 and most 22 year olds don't go on what would qualify as a date anyway. Bottom line, if you haven't slept with a girl in a relatively short amount of time (a month or so) cut your losses and move on. It ain't happening.

If you are a girl...I'm probably not qualified to answer. Thumbsup 122 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Is the mode one approach the best? Asked by sexymofo on 04/23/2013 A

Never heard of it Thumbsup 113 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >

Q Aren't you the same Xander that was a Nightclub Promoter? How many jobs have you had?!? Asked by MrPlaneDick on 07/03/2013 A

Shhhhhh Thumbsup 102 Votes Ask the Pick-Up Coach a question Share >