WHO WE ARE NEWS The Other Press has been Douglas College’s student from local and national advertising revenue. The Other newspaper since 1976. Since 1978 we have been an Press is a member of the Canadian University Press autonomous publication, independent of the student (CUP), a syndicate of student newspapers that includes union. We are a registered society under the Society Act papers from all across Canada. of British Columbia, governed by an eight-person board The Other Press reserves the right to choose what we of directors appointed by and from our staff. Our head will publish, and we will not publish material that Open for the summer: Douglas College Learning office is located in the New Westminster campus. is hateful, obscene, or condones or promotes illegal The Other Press is published weekly during the fall activities. Submissions may be edited for clarity and Centre is here to help and winter semesters, and monthly during the summer. brevity if necessary. All images used are copyright to Dylan Hackett, pg. 04 We receive our funding from a student levy collected their respective owners. through tutition fees every semester at registration, and THE DOUGLAS COLLEGE NEWSPAPER SINCE 1978 ARTS e Student Newspaper of Douglas College OtherPress. PUBLISHED SINCE 1976 Room 1020 – 700 New Westminster, BC Douglas College V3L 5B2 Royal Avenue TELEPHONE: 604.525.3542 Vancouver Fan Expo succeeds in exceeding

EDITOR IN CHIEF ASSISTANT EDITOR BUSINESS MANAGER expectations Angela Espinoza, pg. 06

LIFE&STYLE

Cody Klyne Sharon Miki Angela Szczur [email protected] [email protected] [email protected]

PUBLIC RELATIONS MANAGER DISTRIBUTION MANAGER NEWS EDITOR Grapefruit cleansing your way to a healthier life Stephanie Trembath, pg. 12

FEATURE

Stephanie Trembath Chris Paik Dylan Hackett publicrelations@ [email protected] [email protected] theotherpress.ca ARTS EDITOR LIFE & STYLE EDITOR OPINIONS EDITOR Canada’s electoral system has the deck stacked against aboriginal Canadians Liam Britten, pg. 15

OPINIONS Angela Espinoza Laurel Borrowman Jacey Gibb [email protected] [email protected] [email protected]

SPORTS EDITOR HUMOUR EDITOR STAFF WRITER

Subliminal messages and life lessons brought to you by Parker Brothers Jacey Gibb, pg. 16

Josh Martin Liam Britten Allie Davison SPORTS [email protected] [email protected]

STAFF WRITER STAFF WRITER LAYOUT MANAGER

An uncertain future for Bobby Lu in blue. Is this the end of an era? Josh Martin, pg. 22

David Hollinshead Eric Wilkins Brian Yoo [email protected] GRAPHICS ILLUSTRATOR HUMOUR CONTRIBUTORS Joel MacKenzie Larissa Huang Livia Turnbull Naomi Ambrose Natalie Serafini Siobhan Fleury (CUP) Q: What do you get for the royal who has it all? Timothy Arndt Oliver McTavish Wisden Zach Roubos [email protected] [email protected] A: Absolute power. Liam Britten, pg. 25 2 LETTITOR.

The new kid on the block

“The seven marvels that best represent man’s achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern’s Private Parts to come in No. 1.” - Jon Stewart

I come from the Net. Through systems, peoples, and cities, to this place: www.theotherpress.ca. *sigh* Regardless of whether or not my shameless rip on Reboot’s introduction carries any weight with you, allow me to clarify the significance of my nerdy, cryptic hinting: The Other Press is back online.

It’s been a long time coming for us over the course of the last two years. From a site that looked about as fresh as last week’s pasta leftovers, to a site that threatened to destroy your computer and overthrow the establishment (due to being compromised by what I can only assume was a Megabyte-esque villain—last Reboot reference, I promise). Rest assured, our new site—which from its easy to navigate frontend, to its complex and deeply customizable backend, has been completely overhauled—is squeaky clean and better than ever.

So, now that we have one… what do we have planned for the site? Good question! For starters, over the coming months we’ll begin the process of uploading hundreds of articles from over the course of the past year for your online viewing pleasure. While that in itself might sound like a pretty grand undertaking, and while we do have a number of exciting multimedia ideas in the works, we don’t want it to stop there… which is where you come in: what would you like to see from The Other Press online? Between your ritualistic stints of Facebook stalking and forum trolling (I kid!), take a moment to pop by the aforementioned URL and case the joint. What’s working? What isn’t working? What are we missing? Yell at us via email or the contact form available online (which jettisons directly to my inbox) and let us know. Also, this is the official call for “online friends.” Whether it’s through Facebook, Twitter, or linking to the site directly, every bit of e-propaganda helps to spread the word. While we’re at it, if you’re a student with a fledgling website, blog, online business, or ground-breaking web 3.0 project, and are interested in doing some online cross-promotion—link for a link sorta thing—send me an email with the specifics and we’ll begin our wild and heart-warming journey as online friends.

Anyway, as far as this month in print is concerned, our motley crew of exam-liberated student journos let fly the shackles of the winter semester to tackle the likes of: the student tuition protests in Montreal, a collection of reviews and festival previews, the ineffable “logic” behind NHL suspensions, and much more! Not to mention a bevy of online exclusive content covering this past month’s first ever Vancouver Fan Expo which, having been one among hundreds of gleeful attendees, I can attest to as having been an absolute blast.

Well dear reader, that about does it for me. From my desk to your eyes, I wish you a happy, healthy, and revitalizing month. May the fourth be with you.

Later days,

Cody Klyne The Other Press Editor in Chief WRITE FOR US! Anyone can get published in The Other Press! Just email your story to the appropriate section editor from the list on the right. Please send your file as an MS Word .doc file.

The weekly deadline for submissions to section editors is Thursday by 12:00 a.m. for publication the following Monday. Time-sensitive articles (weekend news, sports, and cultural reviews) will be accepted until Saturday at noon and can be submitted to the editor at [email protected]. All submissions will be edited for clarity and style.

The Other Press will pay $50.00 to any contributor who writes, and successfully has published, a feature article of at least 1,200 words. Also, The Other Press will pay $50.00 for every five issues a contributor is published in on a per semester basis.

The Other Press holds weekly staff meetings at 6:00pm on Mondays in room 1020 at Douglas College’s New Westminster campus. All interested students are welcome!

3 News.

Learning Centre open for summer semester

the bulk of the Learning Centre’s will be among the highest trained service, tutors also help students or certified tutors in the country or who come by with quick questions. even in North America. You get to “If you want to come in and meet a lot of great people. If you’re ask a quick question, like how to tutoring someone in your own cite something, we have a ton of academic aspirations you get to handouts for all kinds of grammar relearn a lot of stuff. issues and for science and math but “The best thing for a peer especially for citations,” explained tutor to have coming in is good Britten. “[Citations] are probably marks in the courses you plan on the biggest thing people have. tutoring and you have to have Professors, especially for first a lot of patience in most cases. year courses, could do a lot better Flexibility is really key because of a job of helping students with when you’re tutoring people they citations of various styles and I find learn in different ways and you we pick up the slack a lot of the have to adapt to that and a positive time in those situations.” attitude is the other thing. Some The Learning Centre is always people don’t learn at the same rates looking for new tutors to add to as others but you have to treat By Dylan Hackett, News Editor “We have three kinds of its rosters. “There’s a real need everyone as if they are going to tutoring. There’s drop-in tutoring for more science students to get succeed. You have to give everyone ouglas College’s premier where you can come in for a half involved, more math students a fair chance to succeed in their tutoring service, the hour and we’ll just work with to get involved and, especially courses.” Learning Centre, is active you on a project, there’s ongoing in Coquitlam, more nursing The Learning Centre is open forD the Summer Semester but with tutoring which is a regular meeting students,” said Britten. “There five days a week during Summer limited hours of availability at of an hour per week. It not only is are no volunteers at the Learning Semester at New Westminster David Lam campus. The Learning project work but is also for skills for Centre. Peer tutoring is the entry- Campus and Monday, Wednesday, Centre is available free to all success in your course. For people level position. This isn’t the case at and Friday at David Lam. Online students registered at Douglas writing essays we also have online all places. SFU only has volunteer tutoring requests are available College and provides tutoring and tutoring,” said peer tutor and Other tutors, no paid tutors.” 24/7. It is available online at www. mentoring in all areas of study done Press Humour Editor, Liam Britten. “It is a paid position. You douglas.bc.ca/services/learning- by professionally-certified tutors. While formal sessions make up spend three semesters there. You centre.html.

Students protest in Montreal Quebec students continue to rebel against tuition hike By David Hollinshead, Staff Writer the reaction given, announcing a increase will amount to $1,625, was painted red and used as a rally tuition freeze until 2007. raising Quebec tuition to $3,793 in point. Four government officials’ uebec students protesting Once the Liberals came 2017. Despite this raise, the tuition offices were vandalized by Molotov planned tuition hikes were back into power, it seemed as in Quebec will remain among the cocktails. When it finally looked as met with force from riot though they planned for a war to lowest in Canada. though the violence would end, the Qpolice last Friday on the streets of break out between them and the Following this decision, talks broke off, and in another rally, Montreal. The protesters, whose student body. Nine years later, students began campaigns against students were arrested and fined. demonstration was recently the Liberal Government again the tuition hikes, with several Currently, the situation is at a declared illegal by police, were enraged students, deciding to cut peaceful rallies held in Montreal in standstill. The student looked to offered to have the provincial $103 million from financial aid. an attempt to apply the pressure renegotiate with the government, government’s $1,625 tuition hike Two hundred thousand students, to the government to change their but were turned down. spread over a span of seven years doubling the protests of a decade minds. However, on February 23, instead of the proposed five. previous, came out in protest, and 2012, a student was pepper-sprayed Protesters promptly rejected the once again, in a few weeks, the at another protest rally, and less concession. decision was changed. Once 2007 than a month later, a student was In 1990, the Quebecois Liberal came around, the Liberals took wounded in the eye by a police Government, controlled by Robert advantage of the freeze ending, and officer during an altercation. The Bourassa increased tuition from intended to increase tuition $500 student, Francis Grenier, become $500 to $1,600; a raise that would over a five year period, meeting the face of the rebellion, invoking hike up $280 annually over four another negative reaction, but the students to wear a patch over their years. The tuition raise was not movement stayed. eye in tribute to him. received positively, as thousands In 2010, Line Beauchamp Students then protested on hit the streets in protest, but was became the education minister the Champlain Bridge during rush unable to turn the decision. Six in the cabinet shuffle, and a year hour to apply further pressure upon years later, the streets were full of later, Finance Minister Raymond the government; each student was 100,000 protesting students after the Bachand announced that Quebec fined for this act. Parti Quebecois education minister was again to raise tuition fees, The students’ protesting Pauline Marois attempted to raise beginning in September 2012. The activities have become more and the tuitions again by 30 per cent. plan was to raise tuition by $325 more elaborate and destructive. The She changed her mind after seeing annually over five years. The total outside of the Beauchamp office 4 www.theotherpress.ca News Maritime students rise to the challenge in the fight for gender-neutral bathrooms ‘Gender Neutral Bathroom Challenge’ changes the way we do our business

By Siobhan Fleury, Contributor and violence, but also a lot of never thought of it, removed the are oppressed who are making The Watch (University of King’s anxiety and fear,” said Enxuga. signs immediately. themselves oppressed,” said College) Exasperated and frustrated, In an interview with The Enxuga. “The main purpose is the two started the Gender Neutral Watch, Fraser said that she felt just to create more gender neutral HALIFAX (CUP) — You’re sitting in Bathroom Challenge, inviting apprehensive about asking for the bathrooms. Often, it’s trans-people class and you have to go. You cross people to use only gender-neutral signs to be changed before taking who do that work, but we want to your legs, side-step out of the room bathrooms for the entire month of action. have cis-people working in ally- as quietly as possible, and sneak April. “I felt like I would be perceived ship with trans-people.” down the hall to the washroom. “We were just talking about as confrontational, and I’m not a The challenge started as a But what happens if there isn’t feeling a sense of frustration and confrontational person. At first, I Facebook event Feldman created, a washroom for you? wanting our friends and people was feeling like maybe I should and now has the support of over For transgendered people, who identify as allies to think just leave it, because it didn’t affect 800 people from the Maritimes and male and female washrooms don’t about their access to bathrooms me, but that isn’t really what the beyond. work. Most washrooms are for as a privilege,” said Enxuga. “We challenge is about.” “It spread like wildfire on the cisgendered people, or people who thought that this would be a way Fraser is cisgendered, but she Internet, and neither of us were identify with the same gender as for them to get some first-hand has long been involved in gay expecting that. Jake thought that their biological sex. This, says two experience.” activism and feels it is important maybe 15 people would try it. I Dalhousie University students, Liz Fraser, a King’s University to be supportive of queer thought that maybe 100 people excludes transgendered people. grad living in Hamilton, Ont., took communities. would,” said Enxuga. Shay Enxuga and Jake the challenge, and she’s caused Being cisgendered, she says, The two creators said they Feldman are not cisgendered, and change already. comes with a certain amount of encourage people to talk the frequently face this issue. Enxuga When at an art exhibit one power. discrimination of gendered says Feldman puts it well: “He was night, she noticed a pair of single- “The fact that I was able bathrooms and help change that. talking about how you have to go stall gendered washrooms. Fraser to go ask about [the gendered They say that’s happening. pee, just like everyone has to go asked if there was someone she washrooms] was an expression of “I have heard people talk pee, and you’re looking at these two could speak to about it. privilege,” she said. “I also think about being excited when they find options and neither one is made for “Would it be possible to remove that if I am hesitant to use that gender neutral bathrooms,” said you. There’s a sense that the world those signs in order to better power, then I’m in a sense abusing Enxuga. “I’m so happy. It’s been isn’t created for you, and a feeling include trans and genderqueer it.” way more successful than I ever of invisibility.” people in this space?” she asked the The creators of the challenge, thought, which feels great. We’re “Trans-people experience manager. however, were hoping for such a getting a lot of people saying, ‘I’ve very real emotional and physical Her request was met with a response. never thought of this before.’” harm when it comes to gendered polite and willing response. The “As with any system of bathrooms. There are some assaults manager, who said that they had oppression, it’s not the people who Student Co-Curricular Engagement Awards a success Centre for Campus Life and Athletics hosts inaugural ceremony

By Naomi Ambrose, Contributor Blaine Jensen, Douglas College Vice President of Educational n Tuesday April 3, the Services echoed similar sentiments. Centre for Campus Life “I was thrilled with the Student and Athletics hosted the Engagement Awards Night. It was Oinaugural Student Co-Curricular the culmination of years of hard Engagement Awards to celebrate work by many people who have and honour students who have created a college that promotes made outstanding contributions student involvement, supports to Douglas College or the greater students in their academic and community through leadership, personal goals and rewards volunteering, or club involvement. students for the outstanding work The awards ceremony, which that they do.” was held at the Executive Plaza Jensen further explained that Hotel in Coquitlam, had students “in January 2005, Douglas College and staff seated at tables named set a goal to create a welcoming, the Student Engagement Awards, the Desjarlais after words such as lead, inspire, engaging environment where the ripple effect was an event celebrating Club Excellence: Bryan Aquino learn and share—words that are student experience and learning the achievement and contributions of often associated with leadership is paramount. The Student our campus and community student Department Specific Awards and volunteerism. Engagement Awards demonstrated leaders, who have in their way Office for New Students: Roisin It was this sense of inspiration that we are well down the road on created lasting ripples of change. Connolly, Sai Wong, and Mikko that propelled Sanaah Dodhia, a this lifelong pathway.” SanRamon second-year Sports Science student The theme for the Awards was College Wide Awards International Students: Alex Li and to co-organize the awards. “In order “the ripple effect”—a term coined by Student Leader of the Year: Nicole Ly Huong Vu to encourage and inspire more classroom management theorist Jacob Leyland Douglife Award: Bill Wu and students and appreciate the ones Kounin. He used this term to describe Campus Engagement: Catherine Martha Espinoza that have done so much, we held people who have thrown pebbles Wong Club of the Year: Hip Hop Dance Club the awards.” and created a ripple of changes. For Community Builder: Lacy Morin- 5 Arts.

Getting our geek on A recap of the very first Fan Expo Vancouver

By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor fall under that silly fame spell. But were perhaps one too many that regarding staff and security— really, out of all of this, it was the were asking a bit much from us. rather odd for a (highly debatable) t was a weekend I shall never enthusiasm of the attendees that For example, there was a poster family-friendly event. Ideally, with forget. The very first of what I’m blew me away. booth that featured an uneven this year being the huge success sure most of its attendees hope The Vancouver Convention balance of popular movie posters that it was, perhaps next year toI be many Fan Expo Vancouver’s Centre was literally buzzing with and some immaculately beautiful they’ll reserve an entire floor of the took place from April 21­–22. excitement the entire weekend. hand drawn originals—one based Convention Centre for Fan Expo, Expectations differed from just Groups of teens to young adults on Kill Bill caught my eye, only for rather than just two panel rooms about anyone you asked; some (such as myself) to full families me to be informed that it was worth and a single, solitary hall for the were overwhelmed by what was were eager to explore everything $600. That and, when push came rest of the convention… definitely to be displayed before them, while the convention had to offer. Part to shove, the amount of vendors something that was overlooked. others were a little more, we’ll say, of this was due to the fact that outweighed the amount of other None of those issues managed ungrateful. But regardless of what many of its attendees had never available activities in the end—for to spoil my weekend; I had an anyone thought going in, Fan Expo even seen an event like Fan Expo, every one guest panel, there were excellent time—although I do really Vancouver turned out to be an wish more space were offered next overall success! year. Considering I got to share A reported number of such experiences with friends as “ The Vancouver Convention Centre was literally buzzing with 12,000 came out to attend Fan meeting the cast of Reboot face- excitement the entire weekend.” Expo, with most going for to-face, having an emotional the ridiculously good deal of moment with artist Pia Guerra attending both days for a mere (and snagging an autograph!), $30. Generally, everything went and then there were those who about 10 guys trying to sell you finding a VHS copy of A Clockwork beyond my expectations—and I had never seen an event like this their product. Celebrity photo-ops Orange (1971), and getting behind mean everything. The amount of within Vancouver. Most of us and autographs were also quite the wheel of the Batmobile, I’d say costumes (good costumes, I should have to travel across the boarder pricey, with a photo featuring both overall, it was a pretty awesome say) and unique outfits grossly or head out to Toronto for the big Adam West and Burt Ward costing first for Fan Expo Vancouver. outnumbered the ever popular conventions, so it really is quite a $100. Be sure to check out our “jeans and clever shirt” usually seen big deal to finally have a Fan Expo Still, the few panels I got to website for even more coverage of at such things. Most of the vendors in Vancouver. If nothing else, it attend were not only fun, they the weekend’s events, including also featured reasonably-priced solidifies Vancouver’s place as a were packed! Perhaps a little an indie vendor list by staff products ranging from original art major metropolitan city. too packed—overcrowding was writer Allie Davison, a first-hand to collectables to used movies and But while we were all overjoyed another issue, although it was one experience from contributor games. And one can nitpick all they to participate in the autograph that was clearly overlooked. Half Gurneev Pansear, and a number of like when it comes to “celebrity signings and panel sittings, the of the centre had been reserved interviews by yours truly. guests,” but once you’re standing weekend wasn’t without its flaws. for several other conventions across from the likes of Adam West For one, while there were many happening that weekend, which or even Kevin Sorbo, it’s easy to reasonably-priced vendors, there made for a high stress environment 6 www.theotherpress.ca Arts Quoth ‘The Raven,’ never again ‘Reptar’ on acid

By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor makes for a decent mystery, with the only outstanding issue being Cusack himself. Cusack manages to Nic Cage things up, making for By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor vocal range with a mix of shouting here does one begin an unlikable, rambling, short-fused out, tenor-like cooing, and the with such an utter caricature of Edgar Allan Poe. His occasional deep purring. But disappointment? The best onscreen moments are perhaps despite his talents, Ulicny would RavenW was released into theatres shared with the likes of Eve, who only be a fraction of himself were Friday, April 27 to abysmal reviews manages to make for a compelling, n May 1, Reptar released it not for Reptar’s four other multi- (including this one!), which, in all strong, and interesting love interest their debut album, Body talents backing him along the way. honesty, is quite a shame. But first, (albeit one that is clearly a damsel in Faucet. Amongst other The album’s songs cover let us backtrack: distress). Onecessary questions, such as, themes from, with info taken In Baltimore, supposedly 1849, Unfortunately, The Raven’s “Why am I only hearing of this from their adorably ‘90s-style a series of grisly murders have weakly-fused plot eventually has band now?” and “Please, will website, getting over the loss of a taken place, all reflecting poems of a mere thread holding the baffling you shut up and take my money, friend, embracing one’s “sexual the once respected (now bumbling twists and turns together: Poe must Reptar?” you must be wondering awakening,” and fighting through drunk) Edgar Allan Poe (John save Emily. By the last 10 minutes if they’re named after the heartbreak. Amongst some of the Cusack). Poe is then recruited to though, that thread is violently torn Godzilla-like creature from Rugrats best on the album are the tracks aide the lovable inspector Emmett apart, building up to an impossible (1991–2004)… yes. Yes they are. “Orifice Origami,” “Houseboat Fields (Luke Evans) in following the and confusing ending that literally Moving on. Babies,” and “Sweet Sipping clues before more deaths can occur. leaves the viewer for dead. Reptar is without a doubt the Soda.” The stakes are raised, however, Save this one for a potential bad product of one of the most candy- An absolute fantastic debut, when Poe’s beloved fiancée Emily movie night—drink every time a coated generations ever to literally Body Faucet is definitely one to Hamilton (Alice Eve) is kidnapped raven appears on screen of course be conceived. Singer and guitarist keep running throughout the by the culprit. It is now up to Poe being the main rule. Graham Ulicny has a ridiculously summer. to... write… her to the rescue. unique voice, tossing out notes The first half of the film actually left and right and showing off his An endless love for ‘Amori Infiniti’

By Zach Roubos, Contributor of the Slum Village track “Climax,” where she kicks some bars over the J Dilla produced classic. This ‘90s influence is further evidenced with an additional cover of Faith Evans’ “Faithfully.” Ghatti’s voice won’t blow you n an era where most popular R&B artists are away with power, but for the most part, it’s a auto-tuned over fist pump-worthy tracks good thing, as her breathy and unique vocals produced by the likes of David Guetta and flow effortlessly over every track. BennyI Benassi, it’s refreshing to hear artists While almost unknown at the present, Loud such as Frank Ocean and The Weeknd, who Pack Lucy (as Ghatti likes to refer to herself) make progressive R&B while leaning more will not remain so for much longer. Download towards soul over electronic dance music. Enter Amori Infinitinow, and later you can tell your Lucille Ghatti and her debut full-length project, friends obnoxiously that you found her before Amori Infiniti (released April 20). the well-deserved fame. Ghatti’s sound is very chill, with some minimalist electro beats mixed in with ‘90s-influenced neo-soul. She even does a cover

7 Arts Have a story idea? E-mail us at [email protected] ‘Pearls’ of panache Creative writing students perform at LitFest New West

always a pleasure to read to a large and receptive crowd.” I’m thankful to Theresa [Henry- Smith] for organizing the reading, and I’m very thankful for the large and receptive crowd that came out. Douglas creative writing students can feel confident about the skills they will bring to the next level of their education. One only has to browse through Pearls to see this.” Indeed, as a reader at this By Sharon Miki, Assistant Editor poems to a lecture hall full of West”—an annual free public event, I’m honoured and grateful family, friends and fans of the Fest. event celebrating writers and their to Henry-Smith and department f a poem on paper is worth Each reader regaled the room with accomplishments. The event, which head Calvin Wharton for giving me a pretty penny, a poem read a short selection of poems or prose, this year was held at Douglas the chance to showcase my work as aloud is surely worth a pearl. with most readers including work College’s New Westminster part of this larger festival. As a new Accordingly,I an erudite group of that was featured in Pearls 31. campus, featured a variety of poet and a student, opportunities past and present students who Pearls is an annual anthology readings, speakers, and workshops to read for a crowd are often as were featured in the latest edition of the best and brightest work from the literary arts community. sparse as Jason Statham’s hairline— of Douglas’s annual anthology of from Douglas College creative Carleigh Baker, reader and which is to say quite thin. With student creative writing, Pearls 31, writing students. Contributions, the 2011 gold winner of Douglas’ friends, family and LitFest visitors gathered for a celebration of poems which range this year from poems Maurice Hodgson Memorial Award in the crowd, we were able to get and stories on April 14. to fiction to personal narratives to for Creative Writing, spoke to The feedback that is, frankly, priceless. Seven readers—Laura Cuthbert, scripts, are selected by instructors in Other Press about the experience. To me, this exhibition of Pearls was Kyle Derochie, Matthew Burgess, the Creative Writing Department. “The Douglas creative writing simply full of gems. Trudy Noort, Carleigh Baker, The Pearls reading was held program is producing some real Pearls 31 can be purchased at Morgan Nicholsfiguieredo, and as part of the Arts Council of talent, and it was great to see us the Douglas College bookstore. myself—read their stories and New Westminster’s “LitFest New represented at LitFest…[and] it’s Get a look at his typeface! An interview with 2012 Maurice Hodgson Award winner, Brock Zawila

By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor thing for me.” He was inspired to on improvement of the writer’s writing short stories and stuff that further explore creative writing ability from the time [that] they [will] hopefully get published, and ach year, the Maurice after an experience he had in high start [at Douglas]. I sent a number probably take the route of going Hodgson Creative Writing school. of things in through a portfolio… through a creative writing journal— Award is handed to one “First thing I ever wrote was a some from my [time in Introduction [just] trying to get my work out. DouglasE College student who has play in twelfth grade, and I asked to Writing Plays] course, which I “I’ve also really considered displayed a fantastic growth in their my drama teacher if I could put it took at the very beginning… [to] looking into writing for video creative writing abilities. This year’s on for the school. I got to direct it, some short stories from a course I games, maybe films, but video winner is soon-to-be graduate act in it… all this stuff. [But out of just took.” games especially; it’s like an Brock Zawila. Zawila has spent his everything], the writing process As Zawila will be graduating untapped new source for writing.” last few years at Douglas tackling was the most interesting to me.” from Douglas this summer, I asked When asked of his influences, the Associate of Arts Degree and In honour of his abilities, him what his future plans are. Zawila firmly stated that, “I spending a respectable amount of Zawila was recently published “I’m hoping to get into [the can’t… directly cite my influences time taking on a number of creative in Pearls 31, the latest issue of an University of Victoria] and get a at this point,” but named Hunter writing courses. annual anthology. His excerpt is creative writing degree from there.” S. Thompson and Kurt Vonnegut Of maintaining his focus on taken from an original screenplay Beyond that, Zawila states that the amongst some of his favourites. this particular skill, Zawila states, entitled Rum for Wisdom, but Zawila door is pretty much open. Congratulations again to “I guess the best way I could say it stresses the piece was not the reason “I’ve been thinking about a lot Brock Zawila, and may his creative is… everyone’s got that one thing for his success. of grey areas that go into creative writing career only continue to they’re good at. Writing’s just that “[The faculty judges] it based writing. I’m going to continue flourish from here! 8 www.theotherpress.ca Arts Summer in the city of Vancouver: May edition By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor you’re lucky, you may even catch a Q&A session with a director! t’s summertime! Time to head out and take a load off, soak Artists in Our Midst (May up some sun, maybe even 16, 19–21) (website: www. tackleI some good reads. That is, if artistsinourmidst.com) you weren’t stuck on campus for Going 20 years strong, Artists the next few months, right? Well, in Our Midst is an annual event disregarding the lousy on-campus that honours some of the most air conditioning, don’t sweat it! unique talents in BC. More than I’m here to give you some ideas on 50 artists will be represented in how you can still have an eventful this year’s showcase, displaying summer—school or no school— works ranging from paintings right in Vancouver, starting with to photography to even original May. jewelry. The main event will be held on May 16, but opportunities DOXA: Documentary Film to speak with any of the artists and “60+ venues.” Each day, travel Festival, put on each year by the Festival (May 4–13) (website: www. themselves will be open from May on down to a number of different non-profit EuroFest BC Society. doxafestival.ca) 19 to 21. What better chance to get bars and venues and take on one of Each year, the European Festival DOXA returns once again to a first hand understanding of art in the most epic drinking marathons runs all-day on the last Saturday of demonstrate some of the most in- some of its ultimate forms? of your life. Tickets can be May. This year’s festival features depth, heart wrenching, and awe purchased via the VCBW’s website a number of dancing and musical inspiring works of film around. Vancouver Craft Beer Week (see link above), and remember: routines, as well as, of course, This year’s festival features a wide (May 18–26) (website: www. drinking and driving never mix. cultural food fairs and markets to variety of films, ranging from vancouvercraftbeerweek.com) satisfy all our shopping needs. For documentaries on sports, crime, Not the artsy fartsy type? Well European Festival (May 26) those looking for a bit more of an sex, and, last but not least, the then why not slam a few back at (website: www.eurofestbcsociety. educational experience, the festival environment. Screenings will be the third annual Vancouver Craft com) also offers Educational Cultural taking place at various theatres Beer Week? For 9 days straight, the Okay, so what if Swangard Stadium Tents for attendees to explore. around Vancouver, and tickets can VCBW plans on delivering only the is technically in Burnaby? That Whatever your tastes, the European be purchased online or in person. finest in original brews and rock shouldn’t stop you from heading Festival is sure to have something th Be sure to check out a film or two; if music, boasting “60+ breweries” out to the 15 annual European for everyone! The group effort behind ‘One Man Show’ By Angela Espinoza, Arts Editor “I co-wrote [One Man Show] first],” Johnson explained, “but the act, we have auditions, and [the with Andy, and I’m directing. We turnout’s been really good. A lot director and producer] can’t decide t takes something special really don’t have a lot of experience of actors [auditioned, and lots] of [between] two actors—so [at] to follow one’s dream, and doing shows, but we thought [students] in our own class have the end of the first act… [during] there are two Douglas College we’d learn as we [went along]. come out and volunteered [as intermission, the audience votes on studentsI that have undoubtedly We’re all learning something well].” who gets the role, and that affects got whatever it is. Enter theatre new—[for instance,] I’ve never O’Shaughnessy further the second act.” and stagecraft program mates Paul directed anything before. I got the elaborated on the casting process: O’Shaughnessy and Johnson O’Shaughnessy and Andy Johnson. opportunity to watch a director last “We have 14 characters, so have created something delightfully On top of school and work, these semester on Dancing at Lughnasa, we cast 11 actors.... I would say fun with One Man Show. It’s twist two have spent the last few months so I picked up a few pointers. two-thirds of the actors from our on what O’Shaughnessy calls taking on the endeavor of not only We’re trying to do it right as well, first and second year program “writing from what you know” co-writing, but outright bringing so certainly [we] don’t want to cut auditioned. We ended up having has made the production process their original play, One Man Show, corners—we wouldn’t learn… it’s a too many to choose from—which is a one of a kind experience for the to the stage. O’Shaughnessy, lot of work.” great!” co-writers and their team. However, Johnson, and their assistant stage Putting their own play together When it came right down to the after this upcoming set of shows, manager Tommy Challoner spoke has of course been a staggering core of writing One Man Show, the it won’t be over yet. The two have with us about the upcoming experience in bringing, not just partners had this to say: also applied and been accepted into production. O’Shaughnessy and Johnson, but “I’ve done a little writing this year’s Vancouver International [“Andy and I] are both first year their entire cast and crew, into the before, but nothing to this scale,” Fringe Festival, which will take off stagecraft,” O’Shaughnessy begins, realism of putting on an original says Johnson. “It was kind of a in September. “so it was like my first exposure and independent production. shock to sit down for four months For now, see below and check to theatre last semester when… I However, through all its inevitable and just work on one thing and out the One Man Show Facebook worked on Dancing at Lughnasa. trials, there have been a number of then re-do scenes over and over page for more details. One of the actresses… [whom] I positive learning experiences along again. Certain scenes, we went in really enjoyed—her role and her the way. knowing we were going to shorten What: One Man Show performance—kind of inspired me “When Paul asked me if I them, and then they ended up Where: Douglas College Studio to have a go [at my own play].” wanted to be assistant [stage being twice as long as they were Theatre, Room 4140, New West O’Shaughnessy’s decision was manager],” starts Challoner, I before.” campus set it stone once he learned of the said, ‘sure, I’ll do it!’ There [was] “I think the other challenge for When: Wednesday May 9–Saturday Douglas Student Union’s funding a lot of paperwork… I wasn’t the writing is knowing when to May 12 process for original student expecting it to be as much at the stop, because we could’ve carried Cost: $10 General ($7 Students and productions: beginning… but I was still willing on… but you’ve got to stop at some Seniors; Matinees) “I just came up with the idea to do it because I have faith in their point,” O’Shaughnessy added. [after that]… to do a show about project.” “One thing we’ve done, which we producing a one man show. “We were kind of worried [at think is a bit unique, is in the first 9 Life&Style.

College Cooking Building the basics: DIY food staples

By Joel MacKenzie, Vegan Chef sugar, or fat, and added vitamins/ which is mostly fibre and protein. Smart Stick. I blend in five-minute Extraordinaire minerals. Check out www.almondpulp.com increments to prevent the motor and okaramountain.blogspot.ca for from overheating. This took about Processed cheese on a chocolate bar for Nut/Soy milk recipes and cooking ideas involving twenty-five minutes altogether, dinner again? Post-secondary dining Nut (such as almond or cashew) these. though this could be much faster doesn’t have to be about eating trash, and soy milks are very easy with a stronger processor. For a spending a lot of money, or sacrificing to make, delicious, and rich in Nut/Soy flour video guide on making almond health. With a bit of work, you can vitamins and minerals. The process Nut or soy flour is simply nuts or butter, check out The Other Press’ create healthy, unique, satisfying food basically involves allowing the soy blended into a fine powder. YouTube page at www.youtube. for cheap. College Cooking provides nuts or beans to mature in a warm They can be used in place of wheat com/user/TheOtherPress. recipes, ideas, and healthy eating environment for two to three days flour, although their strong flavour, Most commercial nut/peanut information to help you do just that. until they sprout nut udders, then and high fat/protein content makes butters are made with roasted nuts. carefully squeezing these until the them a better addition to wheat To do roast your own, spread the id you just blow another nut or bean is completely drained. flour. nuts/peanuts on a baking sheet paycheque on cashew Sorry, that was nutty. But the For almond flour, blend lined with parchment paper, and butter, almond milk, and process really is quite simple. For almonds in a food processor until roast them in an oven at 350 °F soyD flour? nut milk, soak one cup of almonds they form a fine powder. Sift the for five to 10 minutes, mixing Okay, I realize that most don’t for at least eight hours in water, meal once or twice, re-blending the periodically. They should produce use as many nut/legume products and blend them with four cups of bigger chunks of almonds to get an awesome toasted smell and as I do following a vegan diet. But water until thoroughly processed. the meal as fine as possible. Blend appear slightly oily when done. they are an awesome addition to Then, strain through a cheesecloth, to the point that the meal just starts Apparently roasting the nuts/ any diet: nuts are high in protein, keeping the liquid and squeezing to clump together; but don’t over- peanuts robs them of some of fibre, monounsaturated (healthy) the nut pulp in the cheesecloth blend, or you’ll end up with nut their natural oils, though I have fatty acids, omega-3 and omega-6 over it. The milk will be a little butter (described below). never noticed a difference during (essential) fatty acids, and many fatty, and rich in vitamins and For soy flour, soak the beans blending. vitamins/minerals, like vitamin E, minerals from the nuts. For soy for at least eight hours, drain them, Try adding spices or oil to the calcium, iron, zinc, etc.; legumes milk, the exact same process may bake them at 350 °F for about 20 butter. A little bit of salt brings out (simple dried, seed/pod-like fruits, be used, optionally de-husking the minutes, mixing occasionally (just the flavour of roasted nuts/peanuts including beans, lentils, peas, etc.) beans before blending them; or to dry them out, not to roast them), in particular, and cinnamon, cloves, are also rich in these nutrients, the entire mixture can be cooked and grind them up! or cocoa powder make interesting but many include complex- after the blending stage, for about additions. Adding oil will help the carbohydrates in place of fatty twenty minutes until the foaminess Nut/Peanut butter nuts/peanuts blend more easily, acids. subsides (stirring frequently all Nut and peanut (which is a and make them smoother. I add 1.5 There are many different kinds the while), before straining. These legume) butters are so easy to teaspoons of canola oil (which is of delicious and healthy nut/ milks can be fortified with salt, or make: they’re just blended nuts/ almost flavourless, and has vitamin legume products available that can soluble tablets of vitamin B-12 and peanuts! The only catch is that E and monounsaturated fatty acids) be home-made easily. This reduces D, and calcium. making them requires a decent for 1.5 cups of almonds. costs and allows for control over After making the milk, you food processor. I used a fairly low- every element of their creation, will be left with the nut/bean pulp end one to make both almond and including spices, amounts of salt, (soy pulp is also known as okara), peanut butter: a small Cuisinart 10 www.theotherpress.ca Life&Style Stuck in Purge-atory The end of time has come

By Laurel Borrowman, Life & Style I wasn’t about to do this solo, Editor so I roped Emily into it with me; not that any roping was needed or that I have way too much stuff. You she really had a choice. She was just probably do too. Stuck in Purge-atory as excited to begin to pare down. is a weekly chronicle of the quest by “It’s like Gonzo journalism! my roommate Emily and I to get rid Except with less acid!” Well put, of extraneous excess in our lives by Emily. giving away or throwing out one thing When we started, the concept everyday until the end of time. was simple: get rid of one thing each, every day, keep an inventory, he end of time has come. By and at the end of the week to recap the end of time I mean the what was purged. Looking back end of the semester (and the through my files, we started mostly beginningT of a new one) and the with clothes (I cut my clothing end of mine and Emily’s time in collection in half). If the other didn’t Purge-atory. I fear if we carry on want it, we’d just lay it out in the any longer that we will be purging alley for someone to take or throw simply for the sake of purging, it out if it was in poor condition. For which makes for poor journalism. example, here’s an excerpt from the Also, it leads to an empty first week in Purge-atory: apartment. Me: “Mix-patterned, oddly- And with that, here’s a recap of cut tankish-topish thing from this mission Emily and I embarked Plenty, acquired three years ago on on in November 2011. shopping trip with ex-boyfriend. As the subhead says up there, Initial draw? The store. The I have way too much stuff. When I newness (I shop primarily in thrift started working for The Other Press, stores and Em’s closet). Times I thought it would be interesting to worn? Twice. And twice too many.

“The point Emily and I wanted to make and put into practice, is that Tyler Durden is right. Place value on people and experiences. Stuff is just stuff. You are you.” write about some sort of ongoing One of those, “Oh, it’s so cuuute!” personal experience. After some pieces that rot in the closet. banter around the apartment, I Emily: “Flappy drawstring decided that getting rid of things on linen pants. In theory, perfect for a regular basis would be the way travelling. Never worn by actual forward. What better way to fill Life travellers. The pants you think you & Style than to document throwing need in India that end up rotting in things out and how easy or hard it the bottom of your backpack.” was? Items were set across alley on Plus, I felt like my clutter was concrete ledge on Friday. Endured out of control. After moving several rain. Questioned whether or not times over the past few years, my discards were even back-alley totes labelled “misc” (aka junk worthy. Gone on Wednesday. that I haven’t sorted through) kept Success!” getting heavier and greater in Neither of us even remember number. Furthermore, as I age, I those things now. place more value on relationships; We purged phone numbers, why do I need seven pairs of jeans physical music, digital music, Although we didn’t continue They agree that it’s only stuff; it’s to define my Borrowmanity? I Facebook friends, real friends, purging one thing every day, we not going with you when you die. don’t! So then why do I need seven kitchen utensils, science averaged more than one thing The point Emily and I wanted pairs of jeans? I don’t! experiments in the fridge, dusty a day. Along the quest, I was to make and put into practice, is It’s freeing to be unencumbered things in the spice cupboard, and introduced to a woman in Calgary that Tyler Durden is right. Place by material crap. The thought of shoes. We purged intentionally and named Mary (via email) who meets value on people and experiences. being able to fit my entire life into we purged accidentally. We had with her mother once per week to Stuff is just stuff. You are you. a backpack and take off on a whim non-purge weeks (December break) purge. Her mom has a huge house “You’re not your job. You’re not is something I daydream of often. and we had binge-purge weeks full of keepsakes, antiques, and how much money you have in the bank. Why not try to get as close to that (50-plus things). In total, we got rid physical nostalgia, an accumulation You’re not the car you drive. You’re as possible? Or at least realize that of well over 300 things, and that’s of stuff to be expected from an not the contents of your wallet. You’re if I haven’t looked at that book in not itemizing individual songs in octogenarian who has been living in not your fucking khakis. You’re the all- five years, it’s not serving a purpose iTunes (I got rid of about 500) or the same home her whole life. Sure singing, all-dancing crap of the world.” other than to collect dust and dupe individual cans and bottles from enough, they get together to purge You aren’t crap though. You’re houseguests into thinking I’m our experiment in recycling to get these “meaningful” things week whatever you want to be. So be it smarter than I am. rich. in, week out, and never look back. and purge on. 11 Life&Style Got style? Contact us at [email protected] Grapefruit-cleanse yourself into loving your bag of skin

By Stephanie Trembath, Public system of wastes and ridding the breast, plain oatmeal, and plain rice. Grapefruit is not sour, it is bitter Relations Manager body of toxins. Essentially, you want to eliminate sweet. Cleansing has been around for all processed foods and sugar to his time of year welcomes centuries, rids the body of toxins assist the cleansing process and You do not need caffeine in the the seasoned shopper with and waste, and bring organs back to allow your organs to rest rather morning to wake you up—that’s open arms among brilliantly their optimal function. Nutritional than work on digestion. what the contrasting cold showers colouredT spring dresses and flimsy experts claim that cleanses should This cleanse should be are for. footwear that only Cleopatra be done at least twice a year to practised for at least seven to 12 would admire. Spring fashion is reset the body’s digestive system days. It takes exactly one week to Plug your nose; vegetables taste the most tempting for many and and curb cravings. There are many detoxify the body of toxins, but it better. the least warranted, as warmer different ways to detox, but the takes at least two weeks to break weather hardly calls for more most important part is finding unhealthy eating habits and reset Always add more water to oatmeal, than beachwear and flip-flops. one that is practical and suits your your body’s metabolism. During otherwise it tastes like paste. Falling into line with the rest of lifestyle. I have tried many different your cleanse, take contrasting hot the superficial femmes, I find flaw cleanses and quickly discovered and cold showers to help enhance You will thank yourself later— in every item I own each summer that juice cleanses or “fasting” is circulation, which have a positive roughly 14 days later exactly. and wander Robson Street with my not practical for my active lifestyle. effect in the detoxification process face plastered to store windows. Fasting is meant to rest the organs as it builds up the immune system Not only will you feel healthier Thankfully, I was recently inspired and stimulate only the liver in and flushes metabolic wastes. and rejuvenated, but you will be by a local yoga instructor to wear releasing all the toxins and waste Practising yoga, swimming, or inspired to eat more nutritiously my “big bag of skin” this spring, from the body, however, eating other moderate exercises also and save money by not splurging and opted to spend my well-earned small amounts of healthy foods has help, as light exercise will build on fast food or summer clothes. Just funds on supplies for a revitalizing proved a great way to detoxify the up muscle tissues and build better, think about your “big bag of skin;” grapefruit cleanse. body without starving yourself. healthier habits to be maintained you only get one for the rest of your Grapefruit, sweet, sour, and To start the grapefruit cleanse even after you’re done cleansing. A life. Eat healthy and exercise so it extremely fragrant, is loaded with simply eat one grapefruit a day. few things to remember while you fits! Happy cleansing! vitamin C, antioxidants, and pectin; One grapefruit contains two grams are practising your detox: an extremely soluble fibre. Pectin of fibre. I eat half a grapefruit for assists in cleansing the colon, breakfast and save the other half ridding the body of waste, and for a mid-afternoon snack. Drink preventing kidney stones, which 250 ml of unsweetened grapefruit is why grapefruit is the main juice with every meal between four ingredient in many cleanses. Rather and five times a day. Before bed, than spend money on tropical tops, add 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil I opted to take 20 dollars and invest to your last cup of grapefruit juice. in a box of juicy pink grapefruits The olive oil helps to soften and to detox my bod and reset my accumulate toxins in the digestive metabolism. The grapefruit cleanse tract, and allows the fibres to scrape is a less rigorous way to detoxify the colon clean! During the detox, the colon and liver, and prevent the be sure to eliminate all processed formation of kidney stones. The foods. Stick to a diet of raw or fibre in grapefruit helps to flush the steamed vegetables, fish, chicken Writing for the in-between By Larissa Huang, Contributor Canadian writing contest listings three submissions or for each?) the the exam, you become helplessly and commenced churning out writing contest game can be a royal reacquainted with your loyal chum hen people asked me pieces. Every envelope I licked headache. Albeit a headache made Stress. what my hobbies were, I closed was seen off with a jaunty worthwhile by the thoroughly And after the blissful week said writing. Conceivably, victory walk to the post box. rewarding moments in between. or two after your exams are over, theW more conscientious went on to On more than one occasion, I However (there’s always a you find yourself caught up in ask if I was writing for a magazine cackled giddily to myself, thinking “however” in life—didn’t your the beginnings of another round or journal. I wasn’t. I wrote for how I was in for it big time. mother tell you?), school has a way of the college life. It’s a not-so- myself, usually squirrelled up in But as the commitment became of putting a damper on the things delicate cycle of relaxation, stress, a lawn chair barraged by more routine, I began to care less about you enjoy. Come exam season, and intermittent motivation. aromas than my partners in the accolades and remuneration. My that stack of papers and other Surely there must be something of olfactory office could handle, or pieces became more personal. miscellany balanced precariously more value than a degree amidst alternatively, at the local coffee In fleshing out my best, worst, on the corner of your desk likes to the headache, neckache (typing shop, gnawing on inedibles because and most unsettling experiences, disorganize itself and cause you for eight hours, anyone?), and I read somewhere that it helps the I interwove my poetry and disproportional panic. If you have inevitable butt-ache (sitting for brain do something or the other. prose with intimate and often a job like me, your boss will start eight hours while typing, anyone?) “So you don’t write for hilarious nuances that probed my asking you to take more shifts. After associated with college. For me, anything?” boundaries. It was therapeutic, all, your co-workers have exams it’s those shining moments of It’s remarkable how many guileless, and traumatic. The bulk too, and you’ll feel rude declining, satisfaction in between. It’s in the feelings this careless rhetorical riled of the trauma can be accredited perhaps the reason he asks you in rush I feel when I receive a personal up within me. I decided to bust to the fact that there are strict and the first place. Your healthy eating letter from an author I respect with open my padlocked closet door. intolerant deadlines for submission. resolution will take a backseat my very bones; it’s in the ache I Aye, it was about time I came out as Combined with confusing SASE along with your gym regimen and nurse when I mail something that a writer. (your Self Addressed, Stamped perhaps your dog. And when it all may as well be my flesh and blood I found myself a tacky (believe Envelope for notification of culminates in a mad scramble for far away; it’s in the meticulous me, I know tacky) booklet of results) instructions and unclear those notes you know you made placing of each colon. And here I requirements (750 words total for two weeks ago on the morning of am, seeking it out at The Other Press. 12 www.theotherpress.ca Life&Style Markets here there and everywhere: it’s farmers market season again The Burnaby Market runs May 5 to Oct. right at their workplace. Check out 27, every Saturday 9 a.m. – 2 p.m. their website for more information at www.makebakegrow.com. The Poirer Coquitlam Farmers Markets Market starts on Mother’s Day (May The Coquitlam Farmers Markets 13), and runs until Oct. 28, every include two regular markets and Sunday from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. The Spirit two pocket markets. They also host a Square market runs every Friday from Winters Market in Port Moody, which July 8 to Sept. 16. just closed for the season. Their regular markets take place in the Dogwood Royal City Farmers Market Pavilion parking lot (at Poirer and The Royal City Farmers Market is Winslow Street, Coquitlam) and held in Tipperary Park, right next to in Coquitlam’s Spirit Square (3000 New West City Hall. It is personally Burlington Drive). Of course the my favourite market for a number of Coquitlam Markets have all the regular reasons. It has a great mix of food and goodies (produce, crafts, and prepared crafts, as well as awesome eat-on-site foods), but they also offer the two vendors. The atmosphere of the park, pocket markets. These offer all the great along with the live music, makes the aspects of regular markets, but enable experience of the market excellent. people who live in less accessible Royal City Farmers Market is a great locations to enjoy the markets too. place to bring the kids as well, as they The first at the Burnaby SFU campus, have a kids craft area with face painting held in Cornerstone Square (May 11 to most weeks. They open for the summer Oct. 26, Wednesdays 11 a.m. to 5 p.m.) season on June 7, and run every and the second is located in corporate Thursday from 3 p.m. to 7 p.m. Check Vancouver. It offers employees the out their website for more details: chance to purchase farm-fresh goods www.rcfm.ca

Help change someone’s life…

SHARE Family & Community Services Society is recruiting two new volunteers for its Board of Directors. It’s a chance to contribute ideas and inspirations for a few hours a month, to make life better for the most vulnerable residents of the Tri-Cities. SHARE is looking to diversify its Board of Directors by recruiting more women, young people and individuals that represent the cultural communities that make By Allie Davison, Staff Writer Vancouver), one in Lonsdale up the Tri-Cities. Quay (North Vancouver), and Board members help set direction for the organization in areas related to t’s that time of year again. one in Burnaby (near Canada poverty reduction, social well-being and developing an inclusive community. Vegetables are growing, Way and the Deer Lake In particular, the skills and commitments needed from potential board flowers are blooming, Parkway). The artisan markets members at this time include: craftsI are being crafted, and have a pile of produce-y farmers markets are open goodness as well as eat-on-site • A background in Real Estate or Law. for the season. Supporting vendors and crafters. They • A strong desire to give back to the Tri-Cities. farmers markets helps local also offer massages and have A serious commitment to attend and business and improves your live music. One specialty participate actively in board work. community’s sustainability. that you can only take in is • A willingness to take on projects and see We’re lucky to have them close their cooking contests. Held them through to completion. to home (no matter where you monthly, these contests offer live in Metro Vancouver), so market goers a chance to • An interest in fundraising and events that there is no excuse for missing show off their best recipes. connect the community to the this great opportunity. Here’s There is a different theme each SHARE mission a list of some of the local month, so be sure to check If you’re interested in taking up this exciting markets in your area and the their website for details: www. challenge, please send a recent resume things they have to offer. northshorefarmersmarkets. by May 11th, 2012 to Martin Wyant com. The Lonsdale Quay [email protected]. Artisan Farmers Markets market runs May 5 to Oct. 28, For more information about SHARE, The artisan farmers markets every Saturday from 10 a.m. to please visit www.sharesociety.ca. make up three delightful 3 p.m. The Ambleside Market little markets. There is one runs May 6 to Oct. 28, every located in Ambleside (West Sunday from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. 13 Free! Now there’s a word students don’t hear often enough.

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For Attawapiskat and others, why even vote? Canada’s electoral system has the deck stacked against aboriginal Canadians. But in other countries, democratic reforms have increased indigenous representation By Liam Britten because aboriginal Canadians are traditionally underrepresented in or Canadian aboriginal Parliament. With approximately people, particularly those four per cent of Canadians having living on reserves, the last 12 some indigenous ancestry, about 12 Fmonths must have been conflicting. members of the 308-seat Parliament On one hand, the deplorable should be aboriginal. Yet the living conditions experienced milestone of 2011 was barely half of daily by residents of Attawapiskat, that. Ontario gripped the headlines and A major cause of this problem left a lasting imprint on the national is the way ridings in Canada are consciousness of Canadians during organized geographically, which the fall. Sad images of overcrowded, puts indigenous Canadians at a unsafe homes saturated the media. disadvantage. A community like Attention was focused not only Attawapiskat could never hope to on this rundown community on have major political force, even in James Bay, but also on the federal its own riding of Timmins-James government in Ottawa that let Bay. There are 84,000 people living this problem get completely out of in this massive Northern Ontario control until emergency action was riding, and Attawapiskat accounts required to house Attawapiskat’s for only 1,900. Their voice is a small citizens safely. one when it is drowned out by votes are different; the entirety of number of Maori in the country. But, on the other hand, there those of non-aboriginal Canadians, the party votes received nationally What really allowed for better was the success of the 2011 federal whose votes, and therefore are tabulated and broken down representation was the abolition election. The election of May 5 of interests, dominate the concerns of into percentages for each party. of the first past the post system last year saw aboriginal Canadian politicians. Each party receives that percentage and its replacement with MMP. representation in Parliament hit its This geography barrier is the of the 120 seats in the House of This allowed the Maori, who, highest level ever: seven Members biggest one preventing aboriginal Representatives not taken up by like aboriginal Canadians, live in of Parliament in that election local candidates. segmented communities dotting the had First Nations, Inuit, or Métis landscape with no overwhelming “ The key to any electoral reforms that Canada may consider for the sake of heritage. presence in particular regions. MMP aboriginal Canadians is that it must be empowering and inclusive. Too often For the people of Attawapiskat, allowed Maori parties to become the Canadian government has prescribed solutions to ‘native problems’ or any number of other reserves in far more viable and effective. It with few if any aboriginal Canadians in positions to make decisions.” this country dealing with unsafe also meant that for the first time, living conditions, it’s pretty obvious the majority of Maori sitting in the which of these events will remain in Canadians from being better House of Representatives would be their memories longer. represented in Parliament. You I know it sounds complicated, primarily there because they beat The tragedy of Attawapiskat can talk about “get out the vote” but it’s good stuff; in 2011, New “mainstream” New Zealanders is an example of the natural campaigns and low voter turnout Zealand held a referendum on in elections, and not because they outcome of decades of neglect among aboriginal voters all day, but keeping this system or returning beat other Maori candidates for when it comes to the well-being if their vote is basically nullified by to the old way, and MMP was kept guaranteed seats. of aboriginal peoples in Canada. the riding system, it doesn’t matter when 58 per cent of voters chose it The key to any electoral reforms But the foundation of this problem one way or the other on election over the ancient first past the post that Canada may consider for the lies primarily in the results of the day. Stay home or vote; either way system. sake of aboriginal Canadians is 2011 election—or more fairly, any it means nothing. The other major change was that it must be empowering and other election that didn’t reach the Overcoming this obstacle is a new way to handle guaranteed inclusive. Too often the Canadian historic high that 2011 saw. not simple, and presents problems seats for the Maori (the indigenous government has prescribed The tragedy of Attawapiskat of its own. It’s hard to imagine people of New Zealand) in the solutions to “native problems” with was not a bolt from the blue that our current electoral system being House of Representatives. Since few if any aboriginal Canadians in caught everyone off guard. You up to the task. Fortunately, there 1867 New Zealand has had positions to make decisions. There don’t need to be an Ottawa insider are examples of success globally, guaranteed separate representation have also been efforts to create to know that things aren’t working especially New Zealand. for its Maori people. Initially “separate but equal” governing out on many of Canada’s reserves. In the 1990s, New Zealand the Maori were guaranteed four apparatuses for them, but creating Yet despite awareness of the underwent several democratic seats out of 72, although whites ineffective bureaucracy doesn’t problem, the welfare of Canada’s reforms, which included outnumbered Maori in the general solve anything. We all need to be at first peoples is so low priority that abandoning the “first past the post” population by only five to one. the same table. it takes a disaster like Attawapiskat system of electing representatives After the reforms, the number of And the best way to get to get anything done. Why is this? with a more modern mixed member Maori guaranteed seats were tied everyone to that table is to remove Shouldn’t the existence of multiple proportionality (MMP) system. to the actual population of Maori geography from the equation. We communities across the country MMP is a very different form of in the country; in the 2011 election, need a more modern voting system living in Third World conditions voting; in New Zealand, voters this meant seven seats for the in this country that includes First draw more attention from make two votes: one for a party, Maori. Nations, Inuit, and Métis voters in a politicians? another for a local candidate. Local Although the addition of more more meaningful way. The reason why this issue candidates are elected to the House guaranteed seats for Maori was a Otherwise, communities like does not get its deserved level of Representatives if they receive major boon to better representation, Attawapiskat might become the of care and attention could be the most votes in their riding. Party it still didn’t accurately reflect the norm. 15 Opinions. Subliminal instructions to this game called life Family game night teaches us all the rules we didn’t know

By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor wealth—because everyone knows that money is the most important veryone knows that kids are thing in life. a bunch of impressionable The same can be said about sacks of flesh. They’re so Monopoly, everyone’s favourite hopelesslyE eager to absorb new form of capitalism in a box. Your information, that a lesson’s content goal is to buy up as much real estate is often irrelevant. So it’s not as possible, build up an empire surprising that while in the midst on your monopoly of properties, of a recent board game session with and force your competition into my Little Brother, I began to realize declaring bankruptcy. Sounds a bit just how many lessons can lie like the Vancouver scene, doesn’t it? within a game’s instructions. While we’re on the topic of The most obvious example of games that take an eternity to play, this would be in The Game of Life, Risk, the game of strategic conquest, which is specifically designed to revolves around players’ abilities walk you through the successes and to dominate their opponents and failures one can expect over their wipe out opposing armies until lifetime. Nowhere else are society’s they’ve successfully conquered the basic norms laid out so blatantly entire world. Personally, I’m not a for you. STOP! Get married. STOP! fan of war glorification and war in escape with the most money. While Sorry found a way to incorporate Buy yourself some real estate. Both general, so that might explain why everyone starts with $1 million, proper manners instead of just are unavoidable in The Game of half of the times that I’ve played that’s not considered sufficient having players massacre each other Life, but if we’re to be realistic, Risk have ended in myself and enough to be a winner. Greed until there’s only one person left. we realize that not everyone has a another player simply declaring is incredibly prominent in the People may argue that these ring and a mortgage to their name. world peace. Either that or the game, while homicide is strongly are all just games and shouldn’t The game enforces a traditional game takes an unbearably long time encouraged. be considered influential, but if lifestyle, without much room for to finish. In my opinion, few games violence and other mature subject individuality. At the game’s end, it My favourite board game of actually endorse healthy habits and matters in the media can be doesn’t matter how many kids you all time is 1313 Dead End Drive, reward ethical qualities. Scrabble considered to be affective, then had, that you won the Nobel Peace a lesser-known game by Parker encourages proper spelling and aren’t board games also agents of Prize, or if you enjoyed everything Brothers. Rich Aunt Agatha has rewards people with extensive influence? along the way; the winner is recently passed away and your lexicons, while Scattergories forces whoever has accumulated the most goal is to murder everyone else and players to think creatively. Even The abolishment of best friends in Britain New policy hopes to remove close friendships and the accompanying heartbreak

By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer the larger, the better. When children similar to this when I was in are in a group, it’s harder for them elementary school. My teacher n a world where so much to form meaningful connections was determined to find a way to is beyond our control, it’s with any singular member of the separate me from my best bud. comforting to know that troupe. She told me several times that I thereI are still some things we can Really? If at any point while should hang out with other kids manipulate at will. With this in reading the above you found more, and even went so far as mind, it was like a breath of fresh yourself nodding along in to seat us in desks on opposite air to me when I heard that several agreement with this “no best ends of the classroom. Needless schools in Britain had taken chaos friends” policy, then you should to say, her attempt to broaden by the throat and wrangled away put down that Aldous Huxley my socializations was horribly control of yet another aspect of novel immediately. No best unsuccessful that year, though I life previously thought to be friends? Words cannot sufficiently swear she had a hand in ensuring unpredictable: friendship. Several describe the ridiculousness of that we were in different classes the institutions have warmed up to this situation. Friendship is not following year. I suppose, if you’re the idea that children shouldn’t an artificial commodity. You can’t looking for a complimentary term have a best friend. The reasoning manufacture it, and you can’t for this woman, progressive would is perfectly logical though; really prevent it from happening. fit. She was ahead of her time! best friends often create strong If it’s to be, it will be. And if there While I understand the angle emotional ties between each other, is ever a painful time when the of trying to spare children from but should the two ever have a two end up separating, no biggie. the pains paired with platonic falling out, the emotional trauma The kids will get over it. Forrest friendship breakups, it doesn’t is off the charts. This can be Gump had it down: life is like a box make the initiative any less astronomically depressing for one, of chocolates, and sometimes you ridiculous. Friends come and go if not both parties. The solution? get stuck with the salted coconut and the sooner children are exposed “Encourage” students to avoid cream. It’s brutal, but you learn to to this basic fact, the better off hanging out in pairs and have the live with it. they’ll be. juveniles play in groups instead— I actually had a experience 16 www.theotherpress.ca Opinions Six comedic clichés that The magnitude of careless driving need to be stopped Our attitude towards reckless driving needs to change Overused dialogue, unfunny stereotyping, and terrible actors By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor hour than others. I’m not sure how this basic fact became a tent pole love to laugh as much as the for comedies. *Additional originality next cynical young person, so marks get taken off if this conversation it’s no surprise that comedy is with an eccentric old woman. isI one of my favourite genres. However, there’s a handful of Having a child innocently ask zingers that lost their zest about a where babies come from decade ago that insist on popping A recent episode of New Girl used up in recent releases. So if you ever this classic awkward moment- plan on penning your own quirky maker when Zooey Deschanel’s mumblecore masterpiece, do character was looking after her civilization a favour and save these new boyfriend’s pre-teen daughter. clichés for the deleted scenes. Once this sensitive-topic bomb gets dropped, a crossroads emerges: Saying “mazel tov” in response to do you construct some fairy tale things that aren’t Jewish explanation that involves magic You’re getting a divorce? Mazel tov! dust and a mystical stork, or You just declared bankruptcy? That should you just give them the calls for a mazel tov too! Your kid’s basic backstory of when penis getting circumcised? Okay, that met vagina? The main problem might be a relevant example. The with this situation is that I really main thing here is that a sarcastic doubt that every child is just congratulations is a normal piece waiting for their parents to leave of dialogue, but throwing in a their sight before finally being able “mazel tov” just seems out of place to ask this burning question. Or By Joel MacKenzie, Contributor Mainland. Why do so many people and more importantly, has become maybe I’m just weird because as a still feel that it’s okay to be a little overdone. Maybe you should stick child, I didn’t constantly barrage manda Woodthorpe, buzzed when driving? Why does to the traditional high-five seal of my babysitter with reproductive Sheldon Streiling, Eleni almost everyone here drive over approval instead. inquiries. Isacu, John de Oliveira, his the speed limit? Why do so many Agirlfriend Rebecca Dyer, Dawson people, myself included, take The other left/my left gag Making a white character talk like Spencer, Crystal Weaver, and, just driving while distracted, by food Get it? Because a person can only an over-exaggerated black person recently, Douglas College student or a cell phone, so lightly? Is it have one left and one right. I’ve lost If I have to watch one more Alex Johnson, have all died in car our tendency to assume we can count of how many times a movie/ awkward suburban dad say “fo crashes in the Maple Ridge or Pitt do anything and everything better show has had two characters argue shizzle my dizzle,” I swear I’m Meadows area within the last three than the average person? If it is, over who’s wrong. “You told me going to go “wiggity whack” all years. then how can one trust every other to pick the left one!” “I meant the over the script writer’s ass. I think Because I live in Maple driver not to feel and act in the other left!” I wish these directors this form of gag manifested some Ridge, I’m reminded of these same way? had made the right decision and left time during the ‘90s, but I doubt people every time I get into my car. Vehicles seem to create egos this kind of joke out completely. it was even funny then. Having I graduated there three years ago, that detach people from reality. uptight white guys spew out and all of them grew up in one of Their comfort and enclosure create “Are you drunk?” “It’s only __ nonsensical alliterated rhymes isn’t the two towns, and were roughly a sense of security that makes one o’clock!” “So that’s a yes?” entertainment—it’s just dumb. the same age as me. forget about their fragility, that of I think the only time this exchange Out of respect to the their life, and that of every other entertained me was when they Anything to do with Adam individuals and their families, life on the road. used it in Arrested Development, Sandler I won’t go into the details of The pettiness of drinking, but then again, the cast could I liked some of his earlier stuff from what each of these people were speeding, and being distracted discuss the recent spike in corn when I was a kid, but when there’s specifically doing that led to their while driving is ending lives. We prices and it would come out as a movie based around him playing death. Some were allegedly using could blame the offenders who comedy gold. Yes, some people boy-girl twins, I think it’s about cell phones, drinking, and/or cause these accidents, but to make like getting smashed at an earlier time someone blacklisted the guy. speeding, one was in the car with a real change, attitudes towards a driver doing one of these, and and actions while driving need three were killed by other drivers, to change. It’s not okay to drive one drinking and speeding, after drinking alcohol, over the another speeding because she was speed limit, or while rushing to get late for work. somewhere. I want to say that this last No one has to die when going one, being late for work, is the to work, when coming back from pettiest, most preventable cause a concert, when going to pick up of all of these, but it’s not. Every one’s family, or making any of the one of these could have been easily daily commutes that we all have prevented, if someone chose to not to do. Is that fair? Can we all agree act carelessly while driving. on this? I wonder if attitudes about Then we need to change the driving are as careless everywhere way we drive. as they seem to be in the Lower 17 Opinions Have an opinion? Contact us at [email protected] Wheels, heels, and automobiles Why the feuding between bikers, drivers, and pedestrians needs to stop

By Jacey Gibb, Opinions Editor gears is a fleshy human just like yourself. They may be momentarily t seems like not a week goes by behind the wheel, but the moment where I don’t read at least one they leave the confines of their car, letter to the editor complaining they magically become pedestrians. aboutI someone’s recent nightmare The same goes for bikers. encounter with a reckless, rule- Underneath that horrendous helmet defying cyclist/driver/pedestrian. hair and those fingerless gloves, These citizen-written pieces cyclists are people too. needlessly bitching about this kind So why is it that some people of stuff are as common as rain continue to single out these clouds in the Lower Mainland, different groups and slap an and I’m beyond sick of it. Mostly absolute on them? “All bikers I know I always fume when I’m definition of discrimination. because it’s pointless (I doubt that think they own the road!” I’m sure stopped at a red light and someone Instead of just complaining guy you almost hit because he was they feel the same way about you, on a bike breezes past me into the about the way other people act, take jaywalking is going to read your Captain Four-Wheels. intersection, either ignoring that the encounters and learn something words and experience a Grinch-like As someone who dabbles into they’re supposed to be following from them. Be a more considerate transformation), but also because all three transportation pools, I can the same rules as drivers or because driver or take more precautions they’re ignoring a crucial fact: say without much bias that I know they’re completely ignorant of when crossing the road. Regardless regardless of whatever means we’re where people are coming from. It’s it. These types of situations are of whether you’re on four wheels, taking to get from Point A to B, annoying when a car almost hits annoying to experience, but that two wheels, or none, it doesn’t we’re all still people. you because they’re not giving you doesn’t mean you have to take to make you any less of a human That’s right. Inside that the right-away you’re entitled to the media and generalize an entire being—and the same goes for those speeding container of metal and because you’re travelling on foot. group of people. That’s almost the around you.

You’re pushing my buttons! Why you should take handle in hand

By Natalie Serafini, Contributor

ave you ever noticed an eerie quality to our school? There’s a presence that hoversH like some manic poltergeist, rasping and breathing heavily. You’ll be walking down the hallway and hear it: a haunting, Invasion of the Body Snatchers-type deal. Actually no, it’s like an asthmatic pug dog, but not adorable. Or maybe it’s more like Chewbacca, I haven’t decided yet. But it’s there, this whirring sound that accompanies—wait for it—someone pushing the electric button to open the door. Now, obviously I have no problem with people who actually need to use the button. My beef is with people who don’t need to use it—because in pushing that button, they’re pushing my buttons! See what I did there? Is there something I’m missing? If you’re capable of opening a door, then why not just do it? I can remember getting joy out of that you are capable of opening much energy does it really take to on through. As in, the door was pushing buttons when I was young for yourself is a waste. Besides, open a door? I understand that this already open, but they pushed the and carefree, which was actually I’ve actually seen the buttons depends on whether it’s a pull or button anyways. the sole reason I took piano lessons, break from overuse. Is that what a push—I mean, if it’s a push you Maybe it’s an addiction. but these aren’t children that I see you want? For people who need just sort of lean—but it’s not like we Maybe it’s a force of habit. Maybe abusing the button. These are fully the button to be unable to use it can’t afford to spend a tiny fraction it’s an excessive dependence on grown, fully capable, fully lazy because you were too lazy to open of our energy on opening doors. technology. I have no idea, but adults. Maybe it’s the way I was a door for yourself? The buttons are I’m not entirely certain that it’s just people need to stop doing this. raised; my dad wouldn’t get me intended for those who need them, people being lazy either, based on Honestly, isn’t anyone else annoyed a glass of milk without asking me not for those who are oblivious. the number of times that I’ve held by that sound? Take matters and why I couldn’t get it for myself. I have to return to this laziness the door open for someone who handles into your own hands—it’s Using electricity to open a door issue here because seriously, how pushed the button before striding easy once you start. 18 Sports.

What went wrong?

that, after 82 games of rooting for your home team in order to make the post-season, fans only got to watch five games with just eight goals scored. What a way to end the year. Even if Kings goaltender Jonathan Quick seemed unstoppable, the shots that the Canucks were generating—before Daniel returned for games four and five—were mostly from the perimeter. They didn’t get those key scoring chances from the slot. They couldn’t even break through the defense, which played right V’s decision making was when including the playoffs. That’s into the hands of the stingy way Daniel came back for the final two an average of 2.25 goals a game, that the Kings play. Quick was games in the series. Not once did well below their 3.03 goals per good, but he wasn’t tested nearly he lean on the Burrows-Henrik- game that they averaged in their as much as he should have been. Daniel line that has been the 82 game season. Hodgson’s 16 The key guys for the Canucks most productive Canuck line in goals and 17 assists were exactly By Josh Martin, Sports Editor that were supposed to step up the past several seasons. Instead why the Canucks were so good just simply didn’t. Ryan Kesler he decided to go with Booth and during the course of the year. That osing in five games in the forgot how to play hockey, Chris the Sedins—a line combination secondary scoring was essential first round of the playoffs Higgins was virtually invisible, that lacked in chemistry and was to their success and without it, the to the eighth-seeded team David Booth was more concerned completely ineffective. pressure mounted on the Sedins’ inL the Western Conference is about how quaffed his hair looked, Yes, the playoffs were a shoulders to produce along with unacceptable for a team that just and Alex Edler decided to switch car-wreck of a disaster for the Kesler—who clearly cracked in the won their second consecutive majors into becoming a choke Canucks. Everything that could playoffs. His presence would have Presidents’ Trophy (as the team artist. They were lost. have possibly went wrong did, been huge for the series against that finishes the regular season And when Vigneault needed LA, especially since goals were so with the most points in the hard to come by. league). And the fact that the Los So why couldn’t GM Mike “The key guys for the Canucks that were supposed to step up just Angeles Kings were struggling to Gillis wait until the off-season to simply didn’t.” even make the playoffs doesn’t trade him? help the Canucks case, even if “There clearly were issues coach Alain Vigneault insists that that were ongoing,” Gillis said of any team that makes the playoffs and then some. And coming out Hodgson. “I spent more time on is just as good as the top teams to come up big with a smart of the post post-season depression Cody’s issues than every other in the league. The bottom line is coaching decision to get his team brings up the simple question of player combined on our team the that the Canucks were expected going, he failed to do so. He never what exactly went wrong? last three years. to go far, especially with all of decided to put Maxim Lapierre Well, you could blame this all “We made a determination the experience they endured last back on the first line with Henrik on the Duncan Keith hit on Daniel that he didn’t want to be here, we year when they lost to the Boston and Alex Burrows at any point Sedin. The loss of our leading goal built him into something we could Bruins in the Finals. For them to in the series, which was a go-to scorer and best player seems to move,” Gillis said. “There were win just one measly game in the line that found instant chemistry be the most popular choice as to six young players that I would first round of the playoffs is a huge when Daniel went down with his why the Canucks didn’t show up. have traded him for if any of them disappointment. concussion. “Lappy” put up six However they were still struggling were ever made available. One Generally speaking, the points in his final seven games to find that secondary scoring even was made available at the trade Canucks were flat out terrible. The of the regular season, just over when Daniel was in the lineup. deadline and it was Zack.” only positives for the Canucks in a third of his point total, which There’s no doubt about it that the Yes, Zack Kassian who was a the series were the goaltending, speaks volumes considering that loss of Daniel was a huge hit to healthy scratch for the final game the fact that Daniel Sedin came he had 19 points in 82 games. He the team, but it doesn’t seem like in the series and was averaging back after suffering a nasty had one point in the five game it was the one determining factor five minutes per game before concussion on March 31, and the series. Burrows had six points in that ultimately worked against the that—a plausible choice to replace lack of a riot. Other than that, his final five games of the regular Canucks. Hodgson. there was nothing even remotely season while Henrik had eight No, it seems as though the With all of that said, let’s just impressive. with that line combination. The loss of Cody Hodgson is the most say that this off-season there’s In the five games played the fact that this line never even made logical reason as to what went going to be a heck of a lot of Canucks managed to score only an appearance in the playoffs, wrong. Ever since his departure changes, if the Canucks want eight goals. Yes, only eight times while Daniel was still out, remains on February 27, the Canucks to redeem themselves after an Canucks fans were allowed to to be a mystery. managed to score only 54 goals in embarrassing early exit in the first cheer. It just doesn’t seem fair The other huge gaffe in Coach their final 24 games in the season, round of the playoffs.

19 Sports Have a story idea? Contact us at [email protected] Football Fever Why you should take handle in hand

By David Hollinshead, Staff Writer Jacksonville Jaguars select Justin Carolina Panthers select Luke Arizona Cardinals select Michael Blackmon, WR, Oklahoma St. Kuechly, LB, Boston College Floyd, WR, Notre Dame ndianapolis Colts select The Jaguars traded up to get The Panthers shore up their The Cardinals have the worst Andrew Luck, QB, Stanford Blackmon, giving quarterbacks linebacker corps. They now have passing game on both sides of the The draft was just a formality; Gabbert and Henne a great weapon, four linebackers that could not only ball, but they decide to improve Ieveryone knew Luck was going to and the first receiver capable of a start, but have a great effect on the their offense. If there were a better the Colts. Luck has been given the 1,000-yard season since Mike Sims- Panthers overall defense. quarterback available, it may have pressure of resurrecting the Colts Walker had a one-year explosion. been the pick, but instead try to franchise after they fell off the map. Buffalo Bills select Stephon make the job easier for the below Dallas Cowboys select Morris Gilmore, CB, South Carolina average quarterbacks they have Washington Redskins select Robert Claiborne, CB, LSU Another reach, who was expected with a good playmaker. Griffin III, QB, Baylor Another trade in the top 10 picks. to go in the late teens, but the Bills Every mock draft in the world is Dallas gets a corner that will get one of the drafts risers after St. Louis Rams select Michael now 100 per cent correct. This is instantly improve their defense impressive draft workouts. Gilmore Brockers, DT, LSU another quarterback pick that we all with playmaking ability. This is an looks like he’ll be a successful New head coach Jeff Fischer knows knew was going to happen, and is interesting choice for the Cowboys, corner and start right away for the the value of having a talented front also under tremendous amounts of who were widely believed to be Bills, in a division with Tom Brady. seven. Brockers is a bit of a project pressure to win immediately. going after safety Mark Barron. but has been compared to the likes Kansas City Chiefs select Dontari of Richard Seymour. He’ll step in Cleveland Browns select Trent Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Mark Poe, DT, Memphis right away next to last year’s first- Richardson, RB, Alabama Barron, S, Alabama Reach of the draft. This is a terrible round pick Robert Quinn. The Browns trade up one spot to A definite reach. Barron wasn’t pick. Poe was not successful in get their man. Richardson will expected to be selected until at least college, and was only considered Seattle Seahawks select Bruce bring a whole new dimension to the the 12th spot, and could drop to the a first-round pick after he ran a Irvin, DE/LB, West Virginia Browns’ offense, taking pressure off end of the first round. Barron will great 40 time—which his position I lied earlier. This is the reach of the Colt McCoy. start from day one for the Bucs. He doesn’t call for. Fletcher Cox was draft. This is also the worst pick is all around a great strong safety, considered a much better player at in recent draft history. Irvin has Minnesota Vikings select Matt but is not a playmaker. the same position. had legal issues, including being Kalil, OT, USC arrested for punching a sign at a Most people predicted these first Miami Dolphins select Ryan Philadelphia Eagles select Fletcher sandwich shop after the combine. four picks, despite the trade that Tannehill, QB, Texas A&M Cox, DT, Mississippi St. All he has going for him is that he swapped the Vikings and Browns. The reach that we all knew was The Eagles get the best defensive is a great pass rusher, and could’ve Kalil is a great decision after rumors going to happen. If Tannehill wasn’t tackle in the draft, and improve all been snagged in the second round. that the Vikings might be looking the selection, Dolphins general aspects of their defensive line play. at a receiver. Kalil will protect manager Jeff Ireland would be run He can stop the run, and is a two- New York Jets select Quinton long-term investment, quarterback out of town. Miami’s needed a gap player, opening holes for the Coples, DE, North Carolina Christian Ponder. quarterback for years. pass rush to get to the quarterback. The Jets, as always, are building their team to attack the Patriots and Tom Brady. 20 www.theotherpress.ca Sports Cincinnati Bengals select Dre Jones is a player that fits the the Patriots jumped on him. They Minnesota Vikings select Harrison Kirkpatrick, CB, Alabama Patriot’s mold of versatility. He traded up to get the defensive Smith, S, Notre Dame Kirkpatrick looked better than plays well on the line, and has been captain for the most professional The Vikings traded back into the he actually is playing for college seen dropping into coverage. college defense. Hightower can be first round to reach for Smith. A lot football’s best defense. This is a used in so many ways, but how he of scouts believed that Smith would good value/need pick though. Cleveland Browns select Brandon will be is still a mystery. be selected in the mid-second Weeden, QB, Oklahoma State round, but he will instantly start for San Diego Chargers select Melvin Remember when I said the pressure Houston Texans select Whitney a weak Vikings defense. Ingram, DE/OLB, South Carolina was off McCoy? I lied again. Now Mercilus, DE/OLB, Illinois Ingram didn’t have a position in McCoy has a player forcing him After losing Mario Williams, the San Francisco 49ers select A.J. college, but was athletic and had a to perform at his best, or he will Texans get another pass rusher. He Jenkins, WR, Illinois knack for rushing the quarterback. be replaced. Weedon has his age has a red flag as a one year wonder, The 49ers continue to stock their He could thrive in the Chargers against him as he just turned 29 but if he doesn’t pan out, the Texans receiving corps after signing Josh 3-4 defense and be used in several years old. aren’t going to falter all too much Morgan and Randy Moss with looks. with J.J. Watt and Conner Baldwin. Jenkins to improve their anemic Detroit Lions select Riley Reiff, OT, passing attack. Jenkins was a pick Chicago Bears select Shea Iowa Cincinnati Bengals select Kevin that the 49ers liked, but didn’t McClellin, DE, Boise State The Lions had success despite Zeitler, G, Wisconsin believe he would drop to them in McClellin this early is a reach. He quarterback Matthew Stafford The Bengals don’t have a lot of the second. also doesn’t seem to fit the mold of getting knocked around, and needs, but offensive line depth is a Bears defensive end, and is more contributed to the Lions’ post- one of them. Zeitler improves the Tampa Bay Buccaneers select Doug suited for a 3-4 linebacker role. He season failure. Reiff is a step to protection in both the passing and Martin, RB, Boise State can rush the passer though, has a improve that. running game. Believing that the Giants would high motor, and will be great with take him, the Bucs jump back into Julius Peppers. Pittsburgh Steelers select David Green Bay Packers select Nick the first to take Martin, who can DeCastro, G, Stanford Perry, DE/OLB, USC do anything asked of him and can Tennessee Titans select Kendall It was expected that the Steelers The Packers might be happier with succeed in any role. Wright, WR, Baylor would look to improve their this pick than Perry is. Perry came The Titans make a huge surprise by defense for the future with Dont’a out and said he’d prefer to play New York Giants select David drafting a receiver this early. Wright Hightower, but instead look to defensive end in a 4–3 system, but Wilson, RB, Virginia Tech is a great playmaking receiver protect their quarterback and was picked in a 3–4 defense. He will After losing Brandon Jacobs, the though who can play wide or in the improve their running game. most likely start as linebacker for Giants select Wilson to back up slot. the Packers, and will be a great pass Ahmad Bradshaw, and continue New England Patriots select Dont’a rusher. their tradition of a nice one-two New England Patriots select Hightower, LB, Alabama punch in the backfield. Chandler Jones, DE, Syracuse After the Steelers passed him over, Consistency issues: NHL can’t get it right

By Eric Wilkins, Staff Writer mauling performed by Weber. I’ll leave you to think up your own ockey is a physical sport. disbelieving comment. The crowd fully expects In an event well-known to (and often wishes for) Canucks fans, Duncan Keith excessiveH violence. However, received a mere five games for his there is a line that needs to be elbow on Daniel Sedin. Finally, drawn so that players don’t suffer heading back to last year, David grievous injury. To this end, Steckel got off scot-free after Brendan Shanahan, the NHL’s concussing the NHL’s crown jewel, chief disciplinarian, has the duty of Sidney Crosby, with a blindside punishing those who cross the line hit. The NHL can say all they want in order to prevent such injuries. that they will protect their star However, if recent events are any players, but outside of the Torres indication, he’s been doing a poor incident, there seems to be little real job. substance behind their words. Raffi Torres is a rough player. I sincerely hope that Torres’ Some would go so far as to call behemoth suspension is the start of him dirty. All the same, the hockey a new trend. If players realize that world was shocked last month they will miss significant time and when Shanahan handed out a 25- money for their actions, there is a game suspension to the forward for to others’, he shouldn’t have Weber grabbed Henrik Zetterberg’s strong likelihood that fewer and his vicious hit on Marian Hossa. gotten any more than five games. head and slammed it into the fewer violent episodes will arise. Twenty-five games is absurd. Maximum. boards. The penalty for this street- Shanahan has to come to his senses However, the suspension is I had great faith in Shanahan fighting move? A $2,500 fine. $2,500 and see that handing out paltry not absurd in its length (Chris when he was initially put in isn’t even a slap on the wrist. These fines and minimal suspensions Simon, anyone?), but rather, it’s charge. Surely a former player players are multi-millionaires. serves little purpose. If he doesn’t, consistency, or lack thereof. I have would be able to understand what Torres stands to lose $21,341 then cross your fingers that the no issue with Torres sitting out those un-athletic suits at the top for every game he misses. That equipment companies revolutionize almost a third of the season. I, in of the pyramid could never get. adds up to $533,525 in lost salary. player safety because it looks like fact, agree wholeheartedly with Unfortunately, it appears that faith Mathematically, Torres’ hit was that’s the only protection players the decision. That being said, was misplaced. Case in point: in approximately 213 times worse, are going to get. comparing Torres’ suspension the Detroit-Nashville series, Shea in Shanahan’s opinion, than the 21 21 Sports Have a story idea? Contact us at [email protected] The end of an era Is it lights out for Luongo?

By Josh Martin, Sports Editor

t’s been just over a week since the Canucks were knocked out by the Los AngelesI Kings in the first round of the playoffs, and the fate of the number one goaltending position is up in the air. Coach Alain Vigneault’s decision of starting goaltender Cory Schneider in game four of the series—in the most important game of the season—over Roberto Luongo has stirred up some big controversy and has created high speculation of who will return as the starting goaltender with Vancouver come next fall. As of right now it looks as though the man between the pipes will be the young 26-year-old Schneids’—taking the starting job from Luongo, who has been a member of the Canucks organization for the past six seasons. Schneider is coming off an unbelievable year the Canucks, which carries a Toronto Maple Leafs are possible be a nice transition for Luongo, in his second NHL season with $5.33 million salary-cap hit destinations among the teams on filling in future Hall-of-Famer a 20–8–1 record, a .937 Save throughout with a no-trade his “short list.” Other rumours Martin Brodeur’s shoes. The Percentage (second-best among clause; however, after the first have said that the New Jersey team is already built around the goalies in the league), and a 1.96 round of the playoffs, Luongo Devils and even the dreaded crease, so having Bobby Lu step Goals Against Average (third- told reporters that he’d be Chicago Blackhawks are on in wouldn’t change a whole lot best). He has clearly proven willing to wave it to help out the that list—although I could not of the Devil’s structure. that he is ready to take on a team. picture Luongo being able to The main thing for the starting position with an NHL “Yeah, of course, if they ask cope listening to the “Chelsea Canucks would be unloading squad and, after the decision by me too… I don’t want to be one dagger” song that plays every Luongo to any team willing to Vigneault to start him in game of those guys that’s going to time the Blackhawks score. He’s take him and his contract and three, it looks as though the stand in the way of anything. listened to it far too many times getting something in return Canucks are that team. I always want to put the team over the past several seasons. that could benefit their team. In the three games that ahead of me first. Tampa Bay being a But with Luongo’s pricey and Schneider played in the LA “It’s a unique circumstance possibility isn’t surprising, lengthy contract, that’s going to series, he made 101 saves on 105 we’re in, where we’ve got an considering that Luongo’s be a lot more difficult to achieve. shots and posted a 1.31 GAA elite young guy who is probably family lives down in Florida And right now, with Schneider and a sparkling .960 SV%, while going to dominate the league for and that he lives there in the becoming a restricted free agent Luongo—in the two games that many years,” Luongo said. “So off-season. The Toronto Maple this summer, that means that he played—had a .891 SV% and I’m not sure what I would do if I Leafs is a brave choice on his GM Mike Gillis will have to a 3.59 GAA. was GM. It’s going to be what’s part, being the biggest hockey work out a contract with him Is this really a hard decision best for the team, and whatever market in North America, even before he can even begin to look to make with those numbers in scenario that is, I am okay with more so than Vancouver. And for a deal with Luongo. So the mind? Well, when you bring in it. Whether that involves me the fact that he didn’t exactly next few weeks could either be the history of how Luongo came being here or not is okay.” relish under the microscope in really quiet or hectic depending into this franchise and how With Luongo likely leaving, the past six seasons with his on how Gillis wants to approach he arguably single-handedly there are a number of ways this time in Vancouver doesn’t help this situation. turned it around into a Stanley can turn out. There have been his argument. But the Leafs are All in all, Luongo came in Cup-contending team, it does multiple reports suggesting desperate for a goalie, which and replaced Alex Auld and Dan begin to get a little sentimental. that Luongo will be submitting could be good for the Canucks’ Cloutier six years ago, now Cory But then again, it is a business, a list of teams that he would sake in getting something juicy Schneider has the incredibly and right now Schneider is prefer to be traded to, if in fact in return. Possibly Joffrey Lupul, difficult task to replace the best the better goalie. It’s just that he were traded. The list will be who had 25 goals and 42 assists goalie that ever played for the simple... or is it? given sometime within the next in 66 games, who would fit Canucks. Luongo has 10 years week, but reports say that the nicely alongside the Sedin twins. Pressure, much? remaining on his contract with Tampa Bay Lightning and the The New Jersey Devils would 22 Humour. Awful Advice ...with Aunt Agony

t has come to my attention Dear Summer, escape the wrath of “Baby” by Writing horoscopes is actually a very that the only font of helpful Justin Bieber unless they get rid of profitable line of work. It’s better than advice in this newspaper comes Look at it this way, you’re a grown their Internet connection. listening to so-called “advice” from a fromI a “psychic” who deals with adult now. The experience of being washed-up old crone. unreliable sources. Horoscopes stuck in a overheated classroom Sincerely, Aunt Agony. are considered to be fun little will prepare you for your days as Sincerely, distractions, but you shouldn’t take an “official” adult where you sit Dear Aunt Agony, Prophet of the Planets. them too seriously. That’s why, in a overheated cubicle and do I, your dear Aunt Agony, have deskwork all day long. So cheer up! Tell me something I probably don’t Dear Prophet, compiled together a list of questions There’s so much monotony in life to know! that several people have sent me. I look forward to! Who are you calling “washed- hope you’ll take my advice to heart, Sincerely, up?” Your horoscopes haven’t my dears. Sincerely, Imperative Command been accurate in years! You didn’t Aunt Agony. study the constellation charts at Dear Aunt Agony, Dear Imperative, Advisor School and you certainly Dear Aunt Agony, don’t now! I’ve read your so-called I’m taking some summer classes at Those textbooks collecting dust on “Horoscopes” and to me, they college, and I’m a little upset that I’m Are we safe from baby!? I know my your bookshelf might be a great seem like just an excuse to revel in stuck in a classroom while other people girlfriend went out and bought the source of new information. people’s misery while laughing all are living it up at the beach. What can I pill after the condom broke, but I don’t the way to the bank. That is, you do to make that feeling go away and my know! Help!? Sincerely, would be laughing all the way to summer more enjoyable? Aunt Agony. the bank if you actually had a dime. Sincerely, Sincerely, Possible Dad Dear Aunt Agony, Sincerely, Summer Schooled Aunt Agony. Dear Possible, Look at you. Stealing my thunder. I’ll have you know that my facts are With files from Livia Turnbull The answer is no. No one can accurate and I do get rich quickly. Alberta shocks country by finding a political party ‘too conservative’ Political scientists: we did not see that shit coming. Like, at all.

By Liam Britten, Chief Right-Wing But those Wildrose folks... they just Lunacy Editor seem kind of crazy, you know?” Some Candidates for the Wildrose Party Political scientists are flabbergasted Who exactly were the candidates of the Wildrose Party, and what n a move that has sent shockwaves that a political party like Wildrose did they stand for? We examine a few here: through provincial politics across couldn’t win in a province like the nation, the Alberta provincial Alberta. With veiled and explicit hints Rick Strankman electionI ended with the most right- towards the practical elimination of Drumheller-Stettler wing option not winning, somehow. the provincial government machinery The son of a family oil drillers, Strankman The Wildrose Party, headed by and the return to a system of extreme not only opposes all environmental Danielle Smith, dubbed “the Sarah laissez faire capitalism not seen since regulations on Alberta’s oil and gas sector, Palin of Canada” was seeking to the 1920s, it would seem as though they but also proposed a bill for the Legislature end over 40 years of Progressive had tapped into the very soul of the calling for oil to be renamed “Jesus Sweat.” Conservative (PC) rule in the province. average Albertan. However, something Featuring a roster of candidates simply didn’t click between the party that counted anti-abortion activists, and voters. Joe Anglin homophobic preachers, climate change- Professor Donald Barry of the Rimbey-Rocky Mountain House-Sundre deniers, and outright racists within University of Calgary has several Anglin is part of the so-called “left wing” their ranks, the party seemed to be a theories as to why this was the case. of the Wildrose Party, as he only favours shoo-in for Canada’s most reactionary “First of all, the party was branded capital punishment for 38 crimes, seven of province. by the media as a bunch of raving, far- which are misdemeanours. Yet, it wasn’t to be. And research right lunatics who planned on basically and polling after the fact is revealing crippling government’s ability to do that many Albertans, shockingly, were anything. The party said that wasn’t actually put off by the over the top the case—and ultimately, that was their Drew Barnes views held by the Wildrose Party. mistake. They should have embraced Cypress-Medicine Hat “I consider myself a conservative, that extremist cred and run with it. That Barnes once called television “Satan’s definitely,” said St. Albert resident would have been bold,” he said. Puppet Show” and called for everything Graham McGraw. “I believe taxes of Barry also mentioned that the beginning with the letter “Y” to be any sort are basically slavery, life begins Wildrose Party may have also made a outlawed. at conception, and I really don’t like the mistake by forgetting that Alberta also idea of foreigners living around here. has non-white voters. 23 Humour Think you’re funny? Contact us at [email protected] Live Wires

In an effort to provide you with better line of meals. news coverage and put three writers Shoddily made, bitter-tasting out of work, The Other Press presents and often soaked in cheap booze, Live Wires, the best news stories from these burgers will attempt to around the world that we could print capture the essence of families for pennies on the dollar. spiralling out of control—in sandwich form. Edited By Liam Britten, Humour “If you want an herbal flavour, Editor we have our new Pothead Teen with Burger. If you want something a Madame Canucks to trade Roberto Luongo little creamier, try our Alcoholic FauxroscopesFauxroscopes and get new goalie everyone will Mama Burger; we made sure she Mystique hate hit the sauce (of your choice) hard. After this year’s disappointing And we’re especially proud of our early exit from the playoffs, Creepy Uncle Burger, that boasts Canucks GM Mike Gillis has a flavour that will haunt you for identified the team’s already strong years after the fact,” the restaurant goaltending as the first problem said in a press release. to solve, and has already begun The meals will be served with preparations to shop Roberto fries and sadness. Luongo on the trade market. —Reuters Schmeuters This will open up the team for a new goaltender—perhaps a free Ownership of Sony Ericsson agent, perhaps star backup Cory phone a microcosm for everything Schneider—whom everyone will wrong with area man hate very soon and turn on once The fact that in 2012, that’s right, Capricorn Cancer things get tough. twenty-freaking-twelve, Coquitlam (12/22-1/19) (6/22-7/22) “We owe it to our fans to do resident Mike Kozlov still owns Today you will be taped to a chair Your life is going to change. a better job of finding a scapegoat a Sony Ericsson phone, instead and be forced to watch a Maury Ten years from now you’ll be a they can blame for much larger of a regular smartphone like marathon. Come on, we all know Conservative who listens to soft problems with this team, including regular people, pretty much sums it’s your guilty pleasure. rock. soft defence and flaky scoring up what’s wrong with the guy skills,” said Gillis. “We look perfectly. Aquarius Leo forward to the day when these “The guy makes good money, (1/20-2/18) (7/23-8/22) fans, today demanding that we he doesn’t have any crazy bills, yet When life expects to put a square It’s time to refill yourself. My trade Luongo, tomorrow start he’s so cheap with his phone and peg in a round hole, don’t conform advice? Go drink tons of pen ink. demanding we trade Schneider shit,” said friend Craig Allen. “And and put rectangle pegs in triangle You’ll need the ink inside you for once he has a three-game losing the guy still uses a PC! What is holes instead. the semester. streak. It’s the Vancouver way.” this, 2003?” Luongo, putting the team Kozlov is known for always Pisces Virgo before himself, has offered to acting dumb about technology (2/19-3/20) (8/23-9/22) waive the no-trade clause in his stuff, even though he should have Appearances can be deceiving. For You would make an excellent contract so the team can move him. a clue. He has a reputation for example, did you know that ball of judge. After all, you’ve always been Fans on the street are reportedly always playing it cool about cell fluff next to you is actually a huge partial to wearing black-and-red not happy with his performance phones, acting like he doesn’t sleeping rat? robes. in this regard either, and feel that need an iPhone or something, but Schneider would do a much better everyone knows it’s totally an act. Aries Libra job of putting the team before “What’s wrong with this guy? (3/21-4/19) (9/23-10/22) himself. Doesn’t he get that he’s totally Now would be a good time to start One person in your circle of friends —Canadian University (Under) being left in the dust by not having mapping out your life as an adult. will leave you forever. This person Press(ure) Internet connectivity on the go?” Contrary to what you believe, beer is your link to sanity and without asked another friend, Ali Herar. pong is not an Olympic sport, so him or her, you will go on a A&W reveals new ‘Dysfunctional When asked for comment, you can stop practicing. destructive rampage. Burger Family’ menu Kozlov told The Other Press that A&W’s “Burger Family” is about “the Sony Ericsson W715 is still a Taurus Scorpio to get a modern re-branding as the good phone, and [he] doesn’t need (4/20-5/20) (10/23-11/21) restaurant honours the collapse too many bells and whistles.” God, Today you will run naked through It can be hard to break old habits, of the nuclear family with its what a loser. Get with it, man! the streets proclaiming to have but doing so will stop you from “Dysfunctional Burger Family” —Bling Syndicates discovered calcium. Maybe you crowing like a rooster every should quit whatever it is you’re sunrise. smoking. Sagittarius Gemini (11/22-12/22) (5/21-6/21) You always thought that your job Sometimes, it’s easier to think was making you crazy. Maybe about food than the homework in it’s a sign that you should stop your classes. This is probably why volunteering at the psychiatric all your notebook papers have hospital. doodles of pizzas on them. With files from Livia Turnbull

24 www.theotherpress.ca Humour Queen’s 86th birthday present: actual power Absolute monarchy restored as very special birthday present for a very special monarch

By Liam Britten the First, By Grace sun outside the old London walls taking of power in her kingdom Times, the most in-demand jobs of God, Humour Editor as a warning to anyone else getting has caused the British economy to for the new Tudor economy will funny ideas. soar to new heights within weeks. be man-at-arms, sycophantic court ueen Elizabeth II turned 86 Although she was only given The United Kingdom, seen recently busybody, and village idiot. years young last week, and power for 24 hours, Her Majesty as a poor nation to invest in, has The return to hereditary rule the U.K. Government found made the most of her special seen many once-dormant industries was applauded by most Britons. Qthemselves in a troublesome spot day. By noon, Catholics had been recover to pre-17th century levels, People on the street saw it as a most of us are familiar with: what return to traditional, British values: do you get the monarch in your decisiveness, strength, and extreme “Unemployment has been virtually eliminated as all Britons have been life for her birthday when she has xenophobia towards continental given jobs in the new feudal economy; 59,990,000 have been hired as everything? Europe. pathetic, ignorant serfs, and the remaining 10,000 have been given jobs Unchecked, arbitrary, However, not everyone is on as fat, lazy, corrupt landowners and royal officials.” dictatorial power over 62 million- board with the Queen ending her plus people, it turns out. rule as figurehead. There have been That’s what the Queen received forbidden from public life. Later, especially bloodletting and reports from town criers across the this year for her birthday. For one war was declared against the searching for the elusive Northwest land that leprosy is rampant, for day, April 21st, the government Spanish and their fleet. By nightfall, Passage. Unemployment has been example. allowed her to rule “as if it were the Canada, New Zealand, and virtually eliminated as all Britons Fortunately, the Queen has good old days,” holding the power Australia were made colonies once have been given jobs in the new declared all such news to be typical of life and death over every citizen more, and, in a brilliant move, the feudal economy; 59,990,000 have French lies, and has ordered all in the land (or “subject,” as they Queen dissolved Parliament, and been hired as pathetic, ignorant those spreading such nonsense to were known that day). Her word gave herself more days as effective serfs, and the remaining 10,000 be drawn and quartered. Yippie! was law, and if anyone didn’t like it, di