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A Most Average Musical

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A Most Average Musical The 10-Minute Musicals Collection LIBRETTO A MOST AVERAGE MUSICAL Book & Lyrics Music Based on a Jonathan Bob Kelly Screenplay by Keebler Talia Berger Licensing Agent Licensing Agent Music Theatre International Music Theatre International 423 West 55th Street, 2nd Floor 423 West 55th Street, 2nd Floor New York, NY 10019 New York, NY 10019 T: +1 (212) 541-4684 T: +1 (212) 541-4684 www.mtishows.com www.mtishows.com A MOST AVERAGE MUSICAL Book & Lyrics by Jonathan Keebler Music by Bob Kelly Based on a screenplay by Talia Berger Copyright © 2020 Theatre Now New York. Licensing Agent All Rights Reserved, Music Theatre International Cover Design: Andre Padayhag 423 West 55th Street, 2nd Floor Layout: Ben Van Buren (Yonkers International Press) New York, NY 10019 T: +1 (212) 541-4684 www.mtishows.com WWAIT!AIT! BEFORE REHEARSING COPYRIGHT WWARNINGARNING (SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE) All music, lyrics and dialogue from the Play contained in this book are the property of the Authors and are fully protected by copyright. YYourour organization’s perfoormance license prohibits making any changes of any kind to the Play, including: • changes of music, lyrics, dialogue, sequence of songs and/or scenes, time period, setting, characters or characterizations or gender of characters in the Play; • adding new material (such as scenes or framing devices, characters or songs from any other version of the Playy,, including films); • omitting or adding any music, lyrics or dialogue. Any unauthorized changes shall constitute a willful infringement of the authors’ copyright and may subject your organization to civil liabilities and criminal penalties under the United States Copyright Act and other applicable statutes. DO NOT COPY OR DISTRIBUTE Federal copyright law provides severe penalties for the unauthorized reproduction, distribution or exhibition of these materials. You may not duplicate or distribute any portion of these materials, including digital transmission and posting on the Internet, or use them for performances other than those specified in your organization’s license agreement. A PERFORMANCE LICENSE IS REQUIRED Federal and international copyright law prohibit the public performance of the Play without a performance license. MTI's delivery of this script does not authorize you or your group to perform the Play in any manner whatsoever. For example, it does not matter whether your audience pays foor their tickets or not; it does not matter if your group is a school or not. The law requires your organization to obtain a performance license from MTI prior to performing the Play. ToTo obtain an MTI performance license, visit mtishows.com. For further information regarding the penalties for copyright infringement, please visit www.copyright.gov. TToo report any violation of the above terms, contact MTI at [email protected]. THANK YOU! CHARACTERS JENNY 18. Female identifying. An average girl who wants her life to be extraordinary. LIZ 18. Female identifying. A want-to-be sorority girl who craves status. GWEN 18. Female identifying. An ambitious student who wants to land a prized internship. MELANIE 18. Female identifying. A romantic who wants her tinder date to be perfect. CHARLIE 18. Male identifying. Jenny’s awkward neighbor who desperately needs to find a toothbrush. SETTING A college dorm room, present. MUSICAL NUMBERS “What A Night” Liz, Gwen, Melanie “Extraordinary” Jenny “Toothbrush” Charlie, Jenny “Pathetic” Charlie, Jenny “Return of the Roomates” Liz, Gwen, Melanie “Average” Jenny CUE SHEET Track Cue #1 “What A Night!” (or #7 for short version) Top of show #2 “Extraordinary” (LIZ, GWEN, and MELANIE EXIT. Silence. JENNY stares at the door, then her computer, then the door. She tries to type something, but gives up and exhales with frustration, falling back in the couch.) #3 “Toothbrush / Pathetic” Previous song finishes (or #8 for short version) (...A knock at the door!) #4 “Return of the Roommates” CHARLIE: So good! Umm... bathroom? (She [JENNY] pauses the movie and points him in the right direction. HE EXITS. The door swings open and LIZ, GWEN, and MELANIE slump in.) #5 “Average” (or #9 for short version) CHARLIE: Yeah, ours was pretty average too. You guys like undercover llama? It’s my fav! (The roommates nod. CHARLIE fires up the movie. JENNY reflects to herself.) #6 “Bows” Previous song finishes JENNY sits on a couch in her freshman college apartment, a laptop open in front of her. Liz, her roommate, enters, with a look that screams rich sorority girl. She is searching for the contents of her purse. Song begins - “What A Night” LIZ FIRST FRIDAY NIGHT AT COLLEGE! I’M OFF TO A KAPPA SOIREE. MY LOOK WILL BEWITCH! GWEN enters looking a bit disheveled, carrying a big backpack. She is throwing every book in sight in the backpack. GWEN NO, YOU LOOK LIKE A BITCH. LIZ SO? IF THAT MAKES THEM LIKE ME, OKAY. GWEN taps her on the head with a book. GWEN FIRST FRIDAY NIGHT AT COLLEGE! THE LIBRARY, THAT’S WHERE IT’S AT. THOSE STEADFAST AND STURDY GET TENURED BY THIRTY! MELANIE enters, presenting herself to the girls. MELANIE AND END UP ALONE WITH A CAT. WELL, NOT ME. CAUSE I’M MEETING A GUY, SO HOT I COULD DIE. LIZ In that dress? That’s like twelve fashion sins. GWEN I should change. GWEN immediately starts changing dresses. 8 LIZ, GWEN, MELANIE GOTTA GET IT RIGHT! LIZ ‘CAUSE TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT… GWEN, MELANIE TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT… LIZ, GWEN, MELANIE THAT MY WAY ABOVE AVERAGE LIFE BEGINS! WHAT A NIGHT! IT’S GONNA BE PERFECT. WHAT A NIGHT! MY LIFE’S TAKING FLIGHT. WHAT A SIMPLY UNBEATABLE – SO SWEET, IT’S EATABLE – HOPE IT’S REPEATABLE NIGHT! LIZ, GWEN, and MELANIE make their final preparations before leaving. [For short version, omit the following.] GWEN MY WORLD-RENOWNED PROFESSOR IS IN NEED OF AN INTERN AND QUICK. AND I’LL MAKE HER SEE THAT HER CHOICE SHOULD BE ME. MELANIE THAT’S SO NICE, NOW CHECK OUT MY GUY’S PIC. THAT’S HIM, WE MET ON TINDER. GWEN HA! A VERY RELIABLE SOURCE. MELANIE I’M GETTING AHEAD… BUT WHAT IF WE WED! LIZ WELL, THAT’S SURE TO END IN DIVORCE. YOU’RE ALL CRAY! 9 ‘CAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A FREAK, UNLESS YOU GO GREEK. GWEN Bitchy. MELANIE Rude. LIZ JENNY, DON’T YOU AGREE? JENNY Leave me out. LIZ, GWEN, MELANIE WELL, YOU ALL CAN HATE, GWEN BUT IT’S GONNA BE GREAT. LIZ, GWEN, MELANIE I AGREE, O.M.G., I CAN’T WAIT! WHAT A NIGHT! IT’S GONNA BE FLAWLESS. WHAT A NIGHT! NO MAYBE OR MIGHT. WHAT A SO-UNFORGETTABLE, BEST-EVENING-YET-ABLE, NEVER REGRETTABLE NIGHT! [For short version, end omission here.] LIZ Hey Jenny, would you please zip me? GWEN So, Jenny, what are you up to? MELANIE WELL, DUH, SHE HAS PLANS, RIGHT? 10 LIZ, GWEN, MELANIE TONIGHT, WHO’D STAY AT HOME? LIZ checks the time on her phone. LIZ GOTTA GO NOW! MELANIE I WISH I COULD HEAR THEM. GWEN I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN. LIZ BUT NOW I GOTTA RUN — GWEN & MELANIE NOW I GOTTA RUN— LIZ, GWEN, MELANIE TO A NIGHT THAT’S SECOND-TO-NONE! LIZ: WHAT A NIGHT! LIZ, GWEN, MELANIE WHAT A NIGHT! IS COLLEGE NOT EPIC? WHAT A NIGHT! AND MORE ARE IN SIGHT! LIZ YOU’LL SEE MY NIGHT IS GREATER, JEN. GWEN & MELANIE TRY NOT TO HATE HER, JEN. LIZ BYE, SEE YOU LATER, JEN— 11 GWEN & MELANIE BYE, SEE YOU LATER, JEN— LIZ, GWEN, MELANIE GOODNIGHT! LIZ, GWEN, and MELANIE exit. There’s silence.JENNY stares at the door, then her computer, then the door. She tries to type something, but gives up and exhales with frus- tration, falling back on the couch. She picks up a piece of clothing Liz discarded while getting ready. She holds it up to herself. Song begins - “Extraordinary” Acting out the scene she describes JENNY BET LIZ JUST GOT TO HER PARTY. SHE FLIPS HER HAIR AND SHE’S SEEN. EACH GIRL WHO’S THERE RUNS UP TO HER, LOVES HER, THEY LOOK LIKE THEY’VE CROWNED HER QUEEN. Suddenly, a fantasy version of LIZ enters and crosses in front of JENNY, taking over acting out what JENNY describes. THEY EYE THE BOYS IN THE CORNER. THEN DOWN A QUICK VODKA LIME. THEY START TO DANCE TO THE HIT SONG PLAYING, AND GOD IT’S A PERFECT TIME! JENNY dances with fantasy LIZ. DANCE, DRINK, TALK A LITTLE, THEN REPEAT IT. SHE’S MAKING DOZENS OF FRIENDS. SOON, THEY’RE SISTERS AND HER LIFE IS SWEET AND IT’S EXTRAORDINARY. YEAH, IT’S EXTRAORDINARY. JENNY turns around and sees fantasy GWEN entering and taking a seat in the library. LIZ freezes in mid-dance, while GWEN acts out JENNY’s imaginings. JENNY tries to join her, but GWEN doesn’t want her, she’s just being distracting. AND GWEN IS PREPPING TO STUDY. 12 SHE’S BOUGHT A LATTE ONE SHOT. SHE’S PICKED HER SPOT AT THE PERFECT TABLE. SHE STARTS AT EIGHT ON THE DOT. SHE QUICKLY LAYS OUT A GAME PLAN. THEN BROWSES BOOKS LIKE THE PROS. AN HOUR IN AND A GREAT THOUGHT HITS HER, IT’S SOMETHING THAT NO ONE KNOWS. PLAN, READ, WRITE A LITTLE, WOW, IT’S THRILLING, SHE’S OFF AND CHANGING THE WORLD. SOON, HER LIFE WILL BE SO DAMN FULFILLING IT’S EXTRAORDINARY. YEAH, IT’S EXTRAORDINARY. GWEN freezes, the picture-perfect image of a confident scholar. OH! WASN’T THAT SUPPOSED TO BE ME? WASN’T I THE ONE WHO DREAMED IN HER BACKYARD THAT SHE’D GET TO COLLEGE AND FIND OUT EXACTLY WHO SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE? Fantasy MELANIE enters, acting out Jenny’s imagination.
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