FP ON TOUR

SECRET DIARY OF AN INSIDER DAY 1

It’s 9.57am, the seatbelt signs have been o! for all of ten minutes, and I’m blowing the froth o! my first beer with the boys. Already the anecdotes are flowing. “Did you hear about Dave (Jason McAteer) last week?” says Michael Thomas. “He’s in this bar, and the barmaid’s American, so Dave ruce Grobbelaar is sat on a in the distance, so he’s took aim and ‘bang!’ says: ‘Where are you from?’ She goes, fold up chair in the corner Got him. It’s come down right, but it’s still ‘Pennsylvania.’ So of a makeshift dressing flapping, so he had to put it out of its misery. Dave’s flashed his room at Grenada’s national He cocked the gun, but, just as he was about teeth and done a B Dracula impression! stadium, a thick white towel to pull the trigger, the dog ran across him ‘That’s Transylvania clutched tight to his head. He appears to be and he shot its paw clean o!! There was you twat!’” she says. deep in meditative thoughts as we prepare blood everywhere, so he’s carried it home for battle. Twenty-five years ago, as a wide- and pretended that he didn’t know what had takes great pleasure eyed nine-year old boy who dreamt of happened – the kids were devastated. A few in telling me his theory for avoiding footballing superstardom, I sat, mesmerized, days later, after he told all of his pals what had jet-lag. “What in front of my gran’s black and white TV as happened, his mate came round the house you do is avoid Bruce spaghetti-legged his way inside the and starting saying to his kids, ‘So what do eating on the flight minds of Roma’s psyched out stars to secure you think about your dad shooting your dog – that’s how your European Cup glory for the Reds in one of the then kids?!!’ They hate him now.” body catches up. It’s proven.” In that most famous penalty shoot-outs of all time. case, pass me your A quarter of a century later, here I am staring ‘I’M AS NERVOUS AS chicken, Wally… at the Zimbabwean’s naked torso – save for As soon as the the towel. Talk about surreal… A SMALL NUN AT A plane doors open, the Caribbean heat With 45 minutes to go until kick-o!, there’s PENGUIN SHOOT AS hits me like a Ricky a tangible buzz in the room. Mark Walters Hatton body shot. and Michael Thomas tap their feet to hip- I CONTEMPLATE LIFE Jeans + black shirt + hop beats, ’s aging muscles are AS A LIVERPOOL suit jacket = sweaty and overdressed. massaged back to life by a behemoth of a LEGEND...’ An hour later we man with hands the size of a small country, arrive at the plush while Jason McAteer and John’s falling about laughing, and even my Calabash Hotel. Fifty giggle like naughty school kids as they own tension is easing. For the last 10 minutes, yards away is the beach – and a bar. strap on their boots. as I scanned the famous faces around the Well, it’d be rude So what am I doing here? Well, room, I’ve been thinking, ‘Be careful what you not to wouldn’t it…? When Blackburn striker Jason Roberts invited us to join the Liverpool Legends on a fundraising somehow I’ve blagged myself a wish for, Lenton…’ Now I’m excited again. In I dive into the sea game... Yes, really. But more about fact, except for those last nervy 10 minutes, with Rob Jones and tour of Grenada in aid of his Foundation, we shouted: ‘YES PLEASE!!!’ Then didn’t Mark Wright, and my blagging skills later; right now I’ve been oozing excitement ever since Jason we’re soon chatting show up, and a place in the squad to face Grenada All-Stars was suddenly up for grabs... I’m contemplating life as a Liverpool Roberts invited me to his home country for a about their England Q Words RICHARD LENTON Q Photography SAM GREEN legend, and I’m a