Interview with Dragon’s Den Imperial’s Wind Winner Turbine discovery Amer Hasan, alumnus from “minicabit” Wind farm research proves 4 longer lifespan 11

“Keep the Cat Free”

28/02/14 Issue 1570 felixonline.co.uk

Imperial THIS ISSUE... students win Management MSc inter-University Hackathon Student passes away BOOKS Joe Letts Miss Tianlin Wang a 2013-14 Management MSc student Editor-in-Chief at the Business School passed away last week.

team of 4 Imperial students last week’s student hackathon hosted at Kings University. The 4 computingA students, Andrei-Loan Cioara, Nandor Licker, Tomas Virgl Notes to a Fresher and Patrick Chilton took first place in the UK’s first inter-university 22 hackathon, HackKings, where they triumphed over teams from Cambridge, UCL, Durham and Oxford. The teams were challenged to “create TV something cool in 24 hours” and the top three ideas won free mentoring from Steer.me and a chance to pitch to investors for £15,000. Felix spoke to the winning Imperial team, who told us: “We decided to write LivMap as we found there was a lack of tools for finding a good area to live in. You can find separate maps of rent, crime, entertainment, travel, etc, but there was no map that showed everything Rivlin on Archer and according to your preferences. This is exactly what LivMap is: you can Invader Zim 30 specify how much you value different metrics (commute time to a given place, crime rate, number of pubs), and it instantly shows you a map with rent adjusted for the other factors. FEATURES The competition was fun and following statement: time. Tianlin was an excellent and well-organized, though as usual at Joe Letts “With great regret, Imperial College conscientious student, with a brightRCSU Hackathons we were completely Editor-in-Chief London confirms the death of one of future ahead of her. Her legacy for us exhausted by the end. We weren’t its students. Miss Wang, also known all are her exemplar behaviour and aiming for the prize (we all have jobs/ as Eve Wong, who was a student on her smile, which we will miss every day internships lined up), we just wanted ast Friday an MSc Imperial College Business School’s MSc in our classrooms.” to build something technologically Management student, Miss Management Programme.” A Union spokesperson added: interesting and useful, so we were Tianlin Wang died. The Marco Mongiello, Programme “Everyone in the Union was saddened blown away when they called our cause of Miss Wang’s death Director of the MSc Management to hear the news about Miss Tianlin name. is unknown at this current programme at Imperial College Wang. Our thoughts are with her family Technologically speaking I think our Lpoint in time. Business School, said: and friends at this time. If any student Want to speak at this solution was more sophisticated than This is a very tragic occurrence and “This is very sad news for all of us who has been affected by this sad news we most of the other entries: the whole our thoughts are with Miss Wang’s knew and worked with Tianlin (Eve). would encourage them to contact the year’s TEDxImperial- map is computed in real time on the friends, family and course mates. Our thoughts and sympathies go out College’s free counselling service: www. College? 8 Continued on page 3... A College spokesperson make the to all who are affected at this painful imperial.ac.uk/counselling” 2 FRIDAY 28 FEB EDITOR’S PICKS

IC RADIO COMMENT FEATURES 24hr Broadcast Plugtime #1406 London Model UN Fine, not quite an article, but go You know, there’s still time A report on this weekend’s to icradio.com to listen to their to stand in the Big Elections. conference held at Imperial 24 hour broadcast to help raise Read this week’s Plugtime for College last weekend money for RAG inspiration...

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Felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB. Email: [email protected]. Tel: 020 7594 8072. Fax: 020 7594 8065. THIS BROUGHT Printed by Iliffe Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge. Registered newspaper ISSN 1040-0711. Copyright © Felix 2014. WEEK WASTO YOUBY Editor-in-Chief Joe Letts News Editors Nida Mahmud, Aamna Mohdin, Aemun Reza, Maciej Matuszewski Features Editor Shiladitya Ghosh Wellbeing Editor Marissa Lewis Business Editor James Tsim Science Editors Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley Politics Editor Kartikeya Rana, Jash Rughani Food Editors Carol Ann Cheah, Michael Chung Comment Editors Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey Arts Editor Arianna Sorba Fashion Editor Cécile Borkhataria Books Editors Maciej Matuszewski, Eva Rosenthal Music Editors Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart Masson Television Editors John Park, Emily Fulham Film Editor John Park Games Editors Maximilian Eggl, Calum Skene Technology Editors Maximilian Eggl, Yong Wen Chua, Osama Arawa, Clubs & Socs Editor Nida Mahmud Charity Editor Ben Fernando Travel Editor Chris Richardson Sports Editor Kunal Wagle Online Editors Philip Kent, Annina Sartor, Stephen Ball Puzzles Commanders Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price Copycats Stephen Ball and Annina Sartor Copykittens Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi, Carol Ann Cheah, Xiao Zhang, Alex Hamilton, Tom Rivlin FRIDAY 28 FEB 3 Editors: Nida Mahmud, Maciej Matuszewski, Aamna Mohdin, Aemun Reza NEWS [email protected] Key IRA suspect of the Hyde Park Imperial Healthcare NHS Trust bombings walks free on a police appoints new chief executive ‘blunder’

These letters were given to ‘on the Aemun Reza run’ IRA suspects who had fled abroad News Editor and wanted to return to Northern Ireland and was wrongly sent to Mr Downey because of a ‘catastrophic ohn Downey, 62, was failure’ by the police who failed to a main suspect for the notice a warrant for his arrest was still murder of four soldiers by outstanding for the bombings. the IRA (Provisional Irish Although this letter was discovered Republican Army) and has six years ago, the police continued nowJ been let free due to a police error with the prosecution and now the that gave him effective immunity. collapse of the case means that it is The Hyde Park and Regent Park highly unlikely that anyone will be bombings occurred in 1982 and prosecuted over the bombings. Mr resulted in the deaths of 11 military Justice Sweeny threw out the case personnel, four in Hyde Park and after ruling that the letter of assurance seven in Regent’s Park. John Downey still stood even though it was sent to had been wanted for over 30 years and the wrong person. was finally arrested at Gatwick Airport Relatives of the murdered soldiers in May of last year for his apparent said they were ‘devastatingly let role in the Hyde Park bombings. down’ and placed blame on the Police However, it was found that John Service of Northern Ireland, who Downey would not be prosecuted knew that Mr Downey was wanted after it emerged that he was given over the Hyde Park bomb but did not a ‘letter of assurance’ that gave him notify the authorities. effective immunity from prosecution. Peter Robinson, the Northern This was one of 187 letters send out by Ireland First Minister, said Mr the Government in 2007 as part of a Downey had been handed “a get out deal struck for the Northern Ireland of jail free card” and urged an appeal peace settlement. against the decision.

Health Australia. With some 16,000 clinicians should be closely involved Maciej Matuszewski staff and a budget of £1 billion, it is in the management and leadership News Editor the largest non-for-profit healthcare of NHS Trusts but the best clinical and research organisation in the leadership comes from those with Sponsored Editorial country. A recent survey showed both clinical and managerial skills he Imperial College that, during her tenure, over two and experience. Tracey Batten is Healthcare Trust, which thirds of St Vincent’s staff agreed that such a leader.” runs five London hospitals it was “a truly great place to work”. This was a view shared by Professor Student Discounts At including St Mary’s Dermot Kelleher, Dean of the Faculty and Charing Cross. has “[Dr Batten] of Medicine at Imperial College Tannounced the appointment of a London, who said that he believed Fresh Hairdressers new Chief Executive. High profile has a strong that “Tracey Batten will bring an livmap.appspot.com Australian healthcare administrator outstanding record of professional ... continued from page 1 Dr Tracey Batten will take up record of clinical achievement, exceptional leadership program and contributing to open the position at the start of April. and mangerial skills and new perspectives to this GPU using WebGL and is done mainly source projects. The web application This follows the resignation last crucial job”. on the user’s computer. We also have provides an environment where October of Mark Davies, who was leadership and Dr Batten will lead the Trust at a a server written in Go on Google App experienced developers can interact widely credited with making large time of change as it completes its Engine that caches requests to the with newcomers to the programming improvements to the Trust’s financial the organisational application to become a Foundation various services we used (TFL, Yelp), community. situation. The post of interim Chief transformation Trust. This will give it autonomy so that we don’t produce too much GitSquad was created with the Executive has since been jointly held from the Department of Health, traffic. Static information (such as python based Django framework, by former medical director Professor she achieved at St giving members of the Trust greater crime data) was precomputed and using a Redis database, the Celery Nick Cheshire and former chief freedom in determining its policy. downloaded for the whole of London, messaging queue with a Redis broker financial officer Bill Shields. Vincent’s Health Dr Batten indicated that she was up which took surprisingly little space.” and the online Pusher messaging Dr Batten attained a medical was ... impressive.” to the new job, saying: “The prospect The LivMap app is available at service. doctorate from the University of leading one of England’s largest http://livmap.appspot.com although The ‘Pebble’ prize was won by of Melbourne. She practiced and most prestigious NHS Trusts it might not work on at a reasonable the ‘ReachHome’ team from King’s medicine at both the Aberdeen Sir Richard Sykes, chairman of is both an honour and an exciting speed on all computers. College London who created an Royal Infirmary and Bart’s Hospital the Trust, said that the Trust had challenge. I hope to bring fresh Students from St. Andrews’ took app for the Pebble smart watch that London. She later gained Master’s “conducted an exhaustive, global ideas from another public health second place with ‘Streamy’, a informs the user of the exact time degrees in Healthcare Management search for our new chief executive” system and to help Imperial College crowdsourced journalism website they will be expected to walk through and Business Administration from and that he was confident that it Healthcare NHS Trust complete its tgat allows users to broadcast current their front door, based on live public the University of New South Wales had “found the kind of aspirational journey towards Foundation Trust events to viewers through their transport data. and Harvard. She has extensive and inspirational leader we were status. I am deeply committed to browser. The event was judged by a panel of experience of running large medical looking for”. He praised Br Batten ensuring not only the very best Third place went to another team experts from Codecademy (an online organisations –having been head abilities, saying: “She has a strong clinical outcomes for patients but of Imperial computing students learning platform for programming), of dental services in the Australian record of clinical and managerial that their wider experience of the including: James Carr, Ben Chin, Facebook, Tech City, Student state of Victoria, later moving on leadership and the organisational healthcare system is the very best Ainsley Escorce-Jones, the creators Upstarts, Index Ventures and Steer. to run the Eastern Health group transformation she achieved at St too. I look forward to meeting of GitSquad. The concept of me and organised by students from of hospitals. Her latest position Vincent’s Health was particularly my new colleagues and our many GitSquad is a portal that bridges King’s to promote the importance of was Chief Executive of St Vincent’s impressive. I have always felt that patients in the near future.” the gap between learning how to technology and software. 4 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: Shiladitya Ghosh FEATURES [email protected] Amer Hasan on winning offers from 3 Dragons on Dragons’ Den for minicab price comparison startup

his week Nida Mahmud caught up with Amer Hasan, an Imperial Alumnus and CEO of minicabit. He recently appeared on Dragons’ Den and recieved offers from three out of the five Dragons. Furthermore, minicabit is the first app to win an offer on the show. Minicabit is an app and website that enables users to compare real time quotes from cab companies. The company operates T in over 30 cities and wil be expanding to even more in 2014. Amer tells us more about minicabit and how you can win tickets to see Beyonce at The O2.

What is minicabit? amongst many others. minicabit enables you to compare and A key learning to any student at book real-time quotes from licensed Imperial today is get involved in an We pride ourselves in doing things minicab operators in over 30 cities extra-curricular activity. Whatever differently from what one expects across the UK. Our technology helps the society, club or project is, you’ll from the cab sector, and are always you to book great cab deals for long never have an opportunity to practice innovating new ideas. For instance, distance and local trips via our website and learn what you’re good or bad at, until end of Sunday 2nd March, our and smartphone app. We’re backed by and the skills you pick up will serve Twitter page (@minicabit) is giving O2, the mobile operator. you in any commercial or academic away 2 tickets to see Beyonce live at career throughout your life. The O2 Arena, with a cab ride to take Congratulations on your success on you there from anywhere in the UK the Dragons’ Den TV show. What How did your career evolve after (upto £200!). was it actually like in the Den? university? Thanks, the whole experience of I switched between corporate What’s your advice to students getting 3 investment offers from the marketing roles and doing a startup considering doing or joining a Dragons was a bit surreal. And it’s in the late ‘90s, the latter with startup? great that minicabit’s app is the first mixed success. I then spent 9 years The startup scene has transformed app to ever win offers in the Den! in the mobile industry, working significantly, particularly in the last 5 Pitching in the Den itself was pretty at O2 and then Vodafone Global, years. In my day, joining a corporate much like any other meeting with where I was responsible for their would be the natural starting point for potential investors, except everyone Internet Partnerships and Apps a graduate to kickoff their career and was wearing TV makeup. The time in worldwide. Looking back, it was quite gain valuable commercial expertise. the Den was a lot longer than shown, entrepreneurial as mobile internet Now, cutting edge experience where they certainly grilled me. But was just taking off and was a pretty (especially for online, mobile, tech) is the negotiation was as tense as it dynamic environment to work in. I arguably to be found in startups, to the appeared, as I had to carefully deal was then itching to do a startup and point that corporates are increasingly with each of the Dragons’ offers. so set up minicabit in the autumn of looking to partner with, or hire from, 2010. startups as the digital revolution Overall, it’s a great thumbs up for gathers pace. Also, the tools to startup the business, especially coming after And how is minicabit doing now? a business are cheaper, and the O2 had invested in us as a startup It’s been a long ride with the usual support network better than ever. (through their Wayra fund). ups and downs of a startup, but it’s graduates, as they typically have the prime time BBC TV broadcast will no going great guns now! We’ve got well So now is a great time for startups, talent and energy my business needs. doubt be added to their CV’s. We’ll What did you study at Imperial over 300 licensed cab operators across but I caution to choose your venture Funnily enough, I once tried hiring be looking to take on some summer College? the UK on our network; Apple has wisely, and to be prepared for a lot summer interns from Imperial but internships, so it would be nice to see I was a Chemistry with Management highlighted our app 6 times in their of hard work in the face of almost got zero response, probably because some applicants from Imperial this undergraduate in 1993 (and no, I don’t App Store; and major venues around constant uncertainty. they thought we were a minicab time. We can give them a break from dye my hair!). In fact, I was one of the the UK offer our service to their firm! I ended up getting some great their science and engineering books! first to take the undergrad course in customers, including The O2 Arena, Would you hire an Imperial grads from UCL, Manchester and Management from the small house Wembley Arena, Expedia, London graduate? Bristol universities – the experience Amer Hasan is CEO of minicabit, they had across Exhibition Road. It’s City Airport, and Blenheim Palace My team is made up of mostly fresh of working in a startup during a www.minicabit.com, @minicabit. great to see how the Management School has expanded since then.

How did your time at Imperial shape your entrepreneurial career? I’m really proud of my time at Imperial, and in fact my entrepreneurial roots were planted then. In my very first Freshers week, I joined the committee of a brand new society which was quite focused on financial modelling etc. Having managed its events, I became its Chairman in my 3rd year and totally repositioned it, rebranding it as The Finance Society, launching its London University-wide Capital magazine and bringing in some big name event sponsors…all in the midst of a recession! I myself didn’t have a deep interest in banking, but it developed my skills in marketing and also managing a big team. It became one of the biggest societies when I left and I understand it’s still around today. Make the Most of your Summer SUMMER SCHOOL 2014

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The Summer School courses will run over two sessions 2014 Courses and are designed to: Session 1: 30 June – 18 July • enrich, enhance and develop your knowledge finance and practical skills Strategic marketing

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FIND OUT MORE on-campus information session – Thursday 6 March at 13.00. Book your place today on: imperial.ac.uk/business-school/summerschool2014

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Editor: Shiladitya Ghosh FEATURES [email protected] Session XV: LIMUN 2014 The London International Model United Nations 2014 Conference was hosted by Imperial College last weekend. Over 1500 delegates from over 50 countries gathered to debate and resolve together the problems of the world of tomorrow.

Philippe Rival Deputy Secretary-General of LI- MUN 2014; President of ICMUN; 3rd--Year Civil Engineer @ Imperial

BACKGROUND: For the third consecutive year, the London International Model United Nations Conference (LIMUN) was held at Imperial College London and Central Hall Westminster. This conference, which is run by a London- based charity, brought together 1504 delegates, 65 chairs and 38 organising staff for three days of debating, networking, brainstorming and meeting new people. This conference is the largest Model United Nations (MUN) conference in Europe and is regarded as one of the best in the world. As it takes place on the Imperial College South Kensington Deputy Secretary-General Philippe Rival delivering the Keynote Address at the LIMUN 2014 Opening Ceremony katalin karolyi Campus, many students from Imperial, as members of the Imperial “I have been part of LIMUN for writing both the Delegate Handbook College Model United Nations 3 years now, first as a Delegate, and promotional material and giving Society (ICMUN), participate in then as a Chair, and this year as the Keynote Speeches during both of both the organisation and debating Deputy Secretary-General. Being an the Ceremonies. This was one of the most rewarding, eye-opening and tremendous experiences of my life so far! It is well worth both the time and the effort!” “I often get asked why I commit so much of an already busy schedule to this charity and the Model United Nations Community. I do it because I believe the new world we are moving into is no fan of the “silos” Chairs of LIMUN 2014 - from all over katalin karolyi mentality that has prevailed in the the world: Singapore to Switzerland past. Leaders of tomorrow will not and economists from international be the ultra-specialised, but those those situations work out that we feel universities could also understand the who can combine expertise with the most joy and pride in out work.” message. Although on Friday there A typical LIMUN 2014 Delegate Pack philippe rival applicable, transferable skills in Commentary from Richard Tao were delegates who did not know that of the conference. This year, we had Imperial College student myself, I many different fields. In a university Junrui, a third year Chemical viruses are different from bacteria, Imperial students at every level, from managed logistics for the conference such as Imperial, we sometimes give Engineering student, Chair of the and thought that Panadol was a form the Secretariat to the Logistics Staff. here on campus and liaised with too much importance to being the World Health Organisation 2014 of antibiotics, they became very Here are some of their comments on Imperial from the beginning. I was best in one field, and we loose our Simulation: knowledgeable over the conference. LIMUN and Model United Nations in also in charge of the Opening and global perspective in the process. “It was a great honour chairing the They passed resolutions that general. Closing Ceremonies, which took Engineers, scientists and specialist WHO, because that’s the perfect place would clearly benefit the scientific have tremendous skills and knowledge to go if Imperial students are ever community, such as creating more job in their field, but come short when it comes to advertising their ground- breaking ideas and communicating their work to the world and to the general public. I believe Engineers need a marketing course. Model United Nations, debating, presenting, public speaking, these are skills that an Imperial College Degree does not train for, but that make all the difference to your Profile in the professional world. I highly recommend and encourage any Imperial student to broaden The LIMUN and UN flags proudly philippe rival their perspective and their skillset Aditya Ranjan and both his co- katalin karolyi flying over the Sherfield Building chairs at the UNEP Committee by learning new skills and adding to opportunities for medics to improve place at Central Hall Westminster what will for sure be an outstanding looking for a job in the UN. It was a sexual health of the world’s population, Commentary from Philippe Rival, and the Imperial College Great Hall academic profile. I know first hand great experience to spread scientific and increasing funding for further Deputy Secretary-General of the respectively. I was additionally in that stepping into a new and unknown knowledge in writing for a wide range R&D into antibiotics development. LIMUN 2014 Conference: charge of communications and PR, field can be daunting, but it is when of audience, so that politicians, lawyers When they become the future policy FRIDAY 28 FEB 7

@feliximperial FelixImperial FEATURES

Shiladitya, Secretary-General Kacper Pancewicz, Philippe, Ahmed, Filip and Richard: Imperial College & ICMUN involved at every level of LIMUN 2014! TEDximperialcollege makers, they will certainly be climate Aeronautical Engineering student, and said: To be frank, I did not from a country you never gave a conferences over and over since the conscious and environmentally Staffer in the LIMUN 2014 Logistics anticipate half of the work that had second thought to, and you end up past six years”. friendly, and keep on benefiting us all! Team: to be done throughout those three spending three hours talking about Editor’s Note: I was personally It has been a great cultural experience “I have organised and participated days. If it weren’t for a fantastic and the life they lead in their homeland involved in LIMUN 2014 as the Head for me as well. My chairing colleague in numerous MUN conferences over a coherent team that put the effort and it is nothing like you could ever Chair of the UN Women’s Committee was Greek, and the delegates come the last 5 years. After being a part towards making it happen, we would have imagined. I was an extremely (could it get any more ironic...?) and from all parts of the world. You could of LIMUN last year as a delegate, I not have experienced LIMUN as it shy kid and it was MUN that really the Head Delegate from Imperial. hear over 10 different languages being decided to join the team ‘on the other I strongly feel that having Imperial spoken in the same Huxley LT. My side’ as a volunteer in the Logistics play host to such major events with committee was both a celebration of Team. This role demanded overseeing worldly importance is a greatly science and a celebration of culture, the preparation, smooth running and significant opportunity for my fellow and I certainly took pride in being an closure of the entire event. Recalling students to get involved with the ambassador of Imperial College!” the MUN weekend I still cannot refrain goings-on in the world, to understand Commentary from Ahmed Raja, a from what can only be described and try to tackle the massive first year Theoretical Physics student, as an overwhelming excitement international problems that are faced Delegate in the International Atomic This conference was something internationally and how they can Energy Agency 2014 Simulation: spectacular. It’s sheer size, to begin be affected by what we achieve with “This experience was mind-blowing, with – 1,600 participants from every our technical educations, and also to one of the best events of my year so corner of the world – was almost get a holistic experience regarding far! It showed me a whole new way of incomprehensible. When I talked to the psychology of human beings; tackling global issues and of working the delegates I found it flabbergasting collectively, or as individuals, through katalin karolyi with new people. It was inspiring, that so many people travelled from Shiladitya Ghosh, UN Women Chair getting exposure to international by day... Features Editor by night motivating, entertaining and most as far as Indonesia or Taiwan just taught me to communicate my ideas relations, bureaucracy, outspoken importantly a blast, especially the for those three days of celebration of was. Making such a gigantic clock tick effectively and to persuade people. individuals, ideological barriers, and social sessions! I highly recommend it world’s youth’s diplomatic initiative is a humungous task, but with great Once you move from being a delegate the basic rule of the world that it to anyone!” and global awareness. When asked responsibility comes even greater to being a chair, it isn’t just about your doesn’t matter whether what you say Commentary from Filip about the challenge the conference satisfaction. In the end, LIMUN 2014 ideas and the position of the country makes sense - it’s about whether you Karasiewicz, a second year posed, in terms of logistics, I chuckled turned out to be a success beyond that you are representing, it’s about can convince someone else that it what we could have imagined and I finding a way to bring contradicting makes sense. simply cannot help but impatiently ideas together to form a common Doing MUN is a great complement await its 16th edition in February global solution. MUN for is me only to our technical backgrounds and it 2015.” 50% about the debate, the other 50% is also hones our critical thinking and Commentary from Aditya the social aspect where you meet the problem solving skills - cooking up Ranjan, a second year Aeronautical most diverse set of people, in terms of a diplomatic strategy to convince a Engineering student, Chair of religion, ethnicity, nationality, subject representative of, say, Saudi Arabia, the United Nations Development area and pretty much every other to give their backing to a resolution Programme 2014 Simulation: characteristic, that you could ever promoting the development of “Developing a sense of pride in imagine. The most important part is renewable energy, requires the same a country that you represent for the people you meet and the friends approach and tenacity as designing a a conference, but may never even you make during the conference. You reaction to minimise the formation of have visited, is an important part of never run out of interesting people to the unwanted side-products. every MUN conference. The beauty learn about and learn from, and that’s Join ICMUN & go for more MUNs Ahmed Raja having a blast in IAEA katalin karolyi of MUN is that you meet someone what has kept me going back to MUN at facebook.com/groups/icmun ! 8 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: Shiladitya Ghosh FEATURES [email protected] Consult ICG for productive summer experiences

Wassif Shabbir and facilitates Imperial student hypotheses for what markets IEE of BBOXX is predominantly in Africa as well. If you are considering a career President - consultancy project coaching: “ICG should be present in a decade from and manufacturing is based in China. in consulting you will also have the Imperial Consulting Group, under is an incredibly impressive group of now. This involved a thorough survey With a franchise network covering 14 opportunity to find out whether it’s IC Consultancy Society talented individuals from across the of the automotive sensors market, countries (increasing to 20 countries something for you or not. Having Imperial student base. The group exposing gaps that IEE are suited by 2014), ICG was asked to explore participated in multiple projects, s we arrive at Imperial, continues to showcase best practice to address, as well as attractive suitable locations from where BBOXX you will also have the opportunity to many of us have a in combining the knowledge and markets for diversification. Apart could operate from in the future. lead the projects and manage client quite vague idea of skills of students from departments from exploring specific markets the The ICG team identified 17 potential relations. what careers we want such as engineering, computing and team assessed the impact of larger locations to investigate based on key Yingkun Hou is a final year to pursue at the end the business school, and consistently industrial trends (such as the arrival metrics. Thereafter each candidate Chemistry student who is involved ofA our degrees. We often consider delivers stellar consulting projects of semi-autonomous vehicles) and location was assessed according in his second project: ”My experience the professions directly linked to to a range of clients. Having worked the opportunities and threats that it to both financial (office costs, at ICG has truly been amazing. It has our courses (engineers, scientists, with ICG on projects ranging from presented to IEE. The team also made accommodation costs, travel costs, helped me develop a range of skills that physicians, etc.) as well as other global automotive manufacturers a recommendation on the balance tax regimes favourable to high growth can directly be applied in the field of popular industries such as finance. through to world-leading technology the business needs to strike between businesses, etc.) and non-financial consulting, and has played a vital role However, the years spent at Imperial organisations such as Inmarsat, I can their focus on automotive and non- (quality of life, access to transport, for me in getting an offer from a well- offer several opportunities to widen honestly say that ICG produce project automotive markets. The work and etc.) factors. The study produced a established consulting firm. I would our horizons and explore alternative deliverables which are of equal value recommendations were presented model that assessed each candidate definitely recommend anyone with an careers, before we are walking around to those of top consulting firms. to senior management at the IEE quantifiably based on collected interest in consulting and business to the crowds at careers fairs in our Joining ICG is a must for any Imperial headquarters in Luxembourg. Many data and solid assumptions. This take part in future projects.” final year. Last week, Imperial hosted student interested in a fast-paced of the recommendations have since analysis allowed the team to narrow Lorraine Choi is a second year EEE the Internships Careers Fairs to help career in consulting.” been pursued. the candidates to 4 locations, which undergraduate who has participated students land placements, which are ICG has worked with eight in three projects: “ICG projects gave a great way to gain valuable work different clients so far and has me valuable hands-on experience experience as well as explore whether many more projects in the pipeline. in the industry, which helped me to you will really enjoy the careers you are While operations and strategy work identify my career interest. I would considering. However, there are more is preferred, the key criterion of definitely recommend my friends who opportunities around to gain business selecting projects is whether the work are interested or curious about what experience during your studies. will be interesting and valuable for the consultancy is like to join a project!” The Consultancy Society atparticipating students. As each project Imperial has a consulting arm called is concluded, the recommendations How do I join? the Imperial Consulting Group put forward by the teams has made a Become a member of the (ICG). It is a completely student-run real impact on the way clients do their Consultancy Society and subscribe to organisation that takes on interesting business, which is very rewarding to the mailing list (see links on website)! consulting projects (typically 4 weeks) be a part of. You will be notified whenever we are throughout the year to offer you kicking off a new project with a project A session given to students involved in projects. invaluable business experience. The Examples of projects imperial consulting group brief. It will include some information focus is on working with technology IEE were investigated more thoroughly. about the client, what the objectives companies as well as doing social IEE is a global leader in automotive BBOXX Finally, the top-scoring location was are, the timeline and so on. You can impact work, leveraging the skills safety, employing 1,600 and having BBOXX is a for-profit spin-off from recommended and the model was then apply through our online form and resources available at Imperial. revenues of €160m. It had recently a student-led charity at Imperial called delivered to the client. for the projects you are interested in. The Imperial College Business School been acquired by a set of international e.quinox. The focus of e.quinox is No previous experience is required; has been particularly supportive, investment groups, opening up to design and construct solar kiosks Why should I join? more than anything we want you to providing both project leads as well as the opportunity for IEE to redefine in rural communities throughout There are many reasons to be motivated and eager to learn! The training. themselves and expand the business. Africa. BBOXX aims to expand on participate in the projects, whether teams generally have a healthy mix of This makes for a remarkable The team from ICG were asked to this mission by developing innovative you are interested in a career in backgrounds and experiences, ranging combination of skills, according assess the current market position of methods of distributing renewable consulting or not. The projects allow from first year undergraduates to PhD to Angela Dalrymple, Programme IEE and suggest how it could continue energy (i.e. portable solar products) you tackle real problems outside the and MBA students. Director at Imperial College Business growing in a 10-year time frame. This to the bottom of the pyramid in controlled environment of academic Contact us: [email protected] School. Angela has extensive included exploring new markets for developing countries and is aiming studies in a team. Not only is this fun ICG Website: www.icglondon.com consulting industry experience IEE to address. to deliver electricity to 20 million and satisfying, but the recruiters of ICCS Website: from PricewaterhouseCoopers, The ICG team formulated four people by 2020. The consumer-base almost any industry will be impressed www.consultancysociety.com It’s YOUR chance to SPEAK at TEDxImperialCollege 2014!

Chen Yann Qi maximum) on the topic of your talk that allows you to transfer emotions TEDxImperialCollege 2014 and have it uploaded on YouTube. and desires directly onto a digital Organising Team Following that, visit our website at platform through conversation, music www.tedximperialcollege.co.uk to fill and visual media. 9th March 2014 marks in the online form and submit your At the same time, we have Mr a special occasion. As video URL. Gerardo Backal. One of our youngest many of you might know, We will be choosing one student speakers (only 19 years old), Gerardo is TEDxImperialCollege speaker based on three prime qualities a serial non-profiteer, having founded will be returning after – content, presentation and passion. 5 NPO’s based in Mexico City, with 2its successful debut in 2012, with the This is a wonderful opportunity not the first being Pink Life Against Breast theme ‘One Step Ahead’. to be missed! Cancer which he founded when he To be held at the Imperial College Be sure to send us your video was 16 years old. He is also currently Business School on the afternoon before 15 March 2014. working as a mentor for the United of 29 March 2014, this year Meanwhile, we are pleased to Nations Youth Fund. TEDxImperialCollege aims to focus announce that two hand-picked More speakers and ticketing details on ideas and innovations that shape speakers have been revealed over on will be released over the next few This stage could be YOURS! TEDximperialcollege our tomorrow. But there’s something our Facebook page and website. weeks, so continue to keep yourself that would make it that little bit more have inspirational stories to tell and of you who inspire to be standing on Mr Patrick Rosenthal, the CEO of updated with TEDxImperialCollege special: WE WANT TO GIVE YOU amazing work to show the world. a world-class platform sharing great EmoShape, will be talking about his through our website or on Facebook THE CHANCE TO BE A TEDx We are therefore giving Imperial ideas, your chance is here. ground-breaking work on artificial for more information. SPEAKER. students an opportunity to speak at All you need to do is to simply intelligence and his latest invention, Visit us at: http://www.facebook. We believe that Imperial students TEDxImperialCollege 2014. For many produce a short video (2 minutes the EmoSpark - a revolutionary device com/TEDxImperialCollege today!

10 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editors: Philippa Skett, Keir Little, Fiona Hartley SCIENCE [email protected] More reasons to bee worried William Hunter tells us how the honeybee is bringing the bumblebee down too

here have been many attempts to explain the global decline of bumblebees in recent years, with blame often lying with Tclimate change or pesticides. However, a recent article in scientific journal Nature suggests the problem might lie a little closer to the hive. It appears that the cause could be partially linked to their domestic cousin, the honeybee. Professor Mark Brown and his team from Royal Holloway, University of London have identified two separate diseases that have potentially ‘spilled over’ from honeybees into bumblebee populations. Deformed wing virus (DWV) – a fungal infection which has previously been shown to significantly shorten the lifespan of honeybees – is now presenting itself among bumblebees. It is thought the disease passes back and forth between the two species when a bumblebee enters a plant previously visited by an infected honeybee. Assessing 26 sites across the UK, the team were able to build on previous Ted Roger Karson levels of knowledge and determine an idea of national numbers rather than DWV has been shown to effect on bee populations worldwide, annually. Preventing the further lies with all those of you in Shoreditch just local ones. However, co-author significantly shorten the lifespan of but the knock on effects will have spread of this disease is therefore of with your roof top beehives or the Dr. Matthias Fürst warns that this honeybees and according to Prof. considerable impact on our lives extreme importance. floppy haired masses pumping out research is not definitive proof that Brown this will “impact massively on too. Bumblebees are responsible Don’t panic too much though, as Dr artisanal honey at farmers markets of the disease is passed from honeybees their ability to go out to collect food for pollinating ~70% of the world’s David Aston – president of the British Sussex. to bumblebees rather than vice versa. and look after other bees.” The effects flowering plants each year and Beekeepers Association (BBKA) – has As always, prevention is better than Their suspicions only span from the of DWV were present in 11% of the according to the Guardian, in the stated that the key to prevention of cure. fact the disease is more prevalent in bumblebees surveyed. US alone bumblebees provide $3bn most diseases in bees lies with good honeybees. Not only will this have a noticeable (£1.8bn) worth of crop pollination husbandry skills. The onus therefore DOI: 10.1038/nature12977 Radiation-free tumour detection method

treatment options, doctors need James Bezer detailed information on a tumour’s Science Writer size and location, and whether it has spread to any other parts of the body. A common way to find this out is with iagnosis and treatment a PET-CT scan. This type of imaging of cancer often involves involves injecting a radioactive drug some of the most into a patient which highlights tissues damaging procedures that are more active than normal, that doctors would ever suggesting the presence of a tumour. Dintentionally inflict upon a human At the same time, a normal CT scan body. The effects of chemotherapy, is performed to analyse the sites that This stock image makes PET-CT scans look much more pleasant than I imagine they actually are ge healthcare for instance, are notorious, but have been highlighted. radiation from treatment or scans A single PET-CT scan can give a would be MRI. It has been widely The new research from scientists produced by the scanner. can sometimes be just as harmful to radiation dose equivalent to more used in medicine for many years, at Stanford University has found a Not only does this technique a patient’s health. A study published than 700 chest X-rays – about 4-6 and involves imaging tissues using way around this problem. The team achieve the same results as the PET- in the Lancet this week proposes a times the background dose an average radio waves in a powerful magnetic used a common iron supplement as a CT scan but without the radiation new technique that could completely person would experience over a whole field – without the need for harmful contrast agent to highlight tumours, as dose, it also uses scanners already eliminate the radiation dose from year. While these levels are unlikely radiation. Unfortunately, despite its they found that it only gets absorbed common in hospitals, and a well scans used to investigate tumours. to cause any serious long-term effects many uses, on its own it is unable to by healthy tissues, and shows up tested, freely available drug. If It could well improve outcomes for in adults, they could potentially be distinguish between cancerous and clearly on the MRI. And unlike other further investigation confirmed the many vulnerable patients, and even extremely harmful to the sensitive healthy tissues, and so has not been contrast agents that have previously technique’s effectiveness, it could be save lives. tissues of a child. widely used in this type of cancer been tested, this drug stays in the body rolled out relatively easily in many When determining the best A much more attractive option diagnostics. long enough for detailed images to be hospitals around the world. FRIDAY 28 FEB 11

Editor: Lawrence ENVIRONMENT D’Silva [email protected] & HEALTH NEWS OPINIONS Wind Farms have a brighter, longer A Sochi-summary: future thanks to Imperial research Homophobia? Stray dogs? The Environment?

THE WIRE

well short. But it’s not all bad. The Jon Barnes ambitious plan to plant five saplings Contributor for every tree felled was implemented, fish stocks have been replenished, eco-friendly sewage and energy Telegraph ith 33 medals works have received investment. target of 15% from renewables by almost 20 years of operation and thus and 13 Golds the The organisers even went some way Lawrence D’Silva 2020. To safeguard this it’s essential are now easily expected to last their Sochi Olympics towards offsetting some of the 160,000 Environment & Health Editor that many of the wind farms built in full predicted lifespan of 25 years. was a resounding tonnes of carbon dioxide emissions the mid-1990s attract the investment Dr Iain Staffell, co-author of the success for resulting indirectly from the event. required for refinancing. paper and researcher at Imperial Russia’sW athletes; they topped the The environmental legacy of the new study indicating Early studies conducted by critics College stated that “Our study table and according to Putin, restored event is, on balance, a disaster. wind farms have a of wind farms previously claimed provides some certainty, helping national sporting pride. The $51 billion Construction near the Caucasus much longer lifespan electricity generation from them investors to see that wind farms are vanity project all came together, and Biosphere Reserve (UNESCO heritage than previously would fall by a third after just a decade an effective long-term investment even the rain couldn’t dampen the site) had devastating impacts, and the thought are showing of operational use, potentially making and a viable way to help the UK tackle party. state rail operator dumped waste in thatA the critics were wrong in claiming them economically unviable. A new future energy challenges.” It was also However, in addition to the well- the Mzymta River Valley. Villages like that investing in ageing wind farms is and comprehensive study conducted mentioned that with the improved publicised homophobic measures Ashtyr, overlooking nearby Sochi, a poor choice. by Imperial College Business School design of turbines built today and and the senseless cruelty to animals have been left in ruin with open Wind power can and does produce shows this is far from the truth. the huge improvements seen over in build up to the games, there was a quarries, polluted water resources up to 14% of the UK’s electricity at Imperial researchers assessed the the last two decades in the operation silent evil lurking by the black sea; the and high speed rail links going within certain times of the day. Whilst this UK’s fleet of all 4,246 wind turbines and maintenance of the technology, sustainability legacy. metres of their homes. does vary depending on weather across all 531 wind farms and found wind farms are actually becoming Like Vancouver and London before So after banning the gays and conditions as well as other factors, that even the earliest of them built in increasingly attractive investment it, the Games set out to be the first exterminating the strays it seems that wind is already the key leader by some the early 1990s were operating at three propositions, banishing the fears one ever carbon neutral event, but just Russia shan’t change its polluting stretch in reaching our UK generation quarters of their original output after held on their long term viability. like Eddy the Eagle in ’88, they fell ways. Simply not up to the task Bearded and Proud Woman embraces her medical condition

became the subject of vicious and Nadiah Fernandes cruel bullying which led her to isolate Contributor herself in her house and later suffered from suicidal thoughts. However, when she was 16 she was baptised ver felt insecure about your as a Sikh. In the Sikh faith, followers stubbly legs or unbleached are encouraged to keep their hair ‘tache? Well then you will to embrace the perfection of God’s

Congenital Heart UK no doubt be impressed by creation. the bravery of Harnaam About a month after her conversion, Keogh met with the families of the unacceptable in this day and age. EKaur – the 23 year old lady who has she decided to embrace her hair and Tom Stroud children last Friday where he heard Harley Pascoe, who was born with been keeping a full beard for almost vowed never to return to the endless Health Writer stories depicting a “catalogue of half a heart, was transferred to Bristol seven years. At the age of eleven, she waxing, bleaching and shaving she neglect and poor care”. four days after his birth to have a tube was embarrassed to discover that she resorted to in her teens. She claims Sir Ian Kennedy, who led the famous inserted to improve his blood flow. had excessive hair growth on her face, now that she has never felt more fresh new enquiry Bristol heart inquiry in the 90s, will His operation, however, was cancelled which then spread to her chest, arms feminine or sexy and is sharing her has been ordered by again be chairing the investigation. It five times in one week because he was and the rest of her body. story on YouTube in order to help NHS England medical is likely that they will again conclude “not sick enough”, and he died whilst This is because she suffers from other women gain self-confidence. director Professor Sir that the paediatric cardiac services waiting. a condition called polycystic ovary Certainly, I feel inspired and think this Bruce Keogh following at Bristol are “simply not up to Sir Kennedy, along with parents of the syndrome (PCOS), which is estimated is a thought-provoking example of the theA care of ten children who died or task”. The 90’s inquiry discovered affected children will independently to affect one in five women in the importance of having the confidence were left seriously injured following shortages of key surgeons and nurses, review each case in the forthcoming UK, though over 50% of people are to do whatever makes YOU feel cardiac surgery at Bristol Royal a lack of leadership, accountability, months and will hopefully get to the symptomless. beautiful, regardless of what others Hospital for Children. Professor and teamwork, which is frankly bottom of this tragedy. School became unbearable as she may think. 12 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected] Confessions of a GTA: Part 13 This week the GTA describes the doom of the non-believer

on around four classes a week on that the student was not expecting, average. This can add up to hundreds that’s it. They become a non-believer. The GTA of questions. With maximum one No matter how well you explain it Anonymous hour of preparation time to make the afterwards or how brilliant your session worth the cash, it means that diagram is, they do not care. It becomes at the drop of a hat, I probably will not like an awkward conversation in a bar. n GTA work, a lot depends remember one question from another. They keep looking around you to see if on trust from your student. Thus, that question that the students they know somebody, anyone else so Sometimes this simply depends have been ripping their hair out over they can get the hell out of there. on perceived authority, i.e. you for weeks, I have probably seen for, at Today, I explained a question, from are older and wrinklier than maximum, two minutes. first principles, using a rigorous Ithem and you’ve been introduced I do understand the frustration. mathematical proof. The student did by their lecturer, therefore you must These questions are occasionally not believe me because he could not know something, right? The nicest impossible until you have seen the ‘imagine’ it to be that way. The proof times are when it depends on a answer. I remember those days where was there right in front of him, maybe relationship built up over several I just had to know what the heck not beautifully explained but at least sessions when a student really believes was going wrong with my work right written down. When he asked the through your umming and ahhhhing now, if not 2 days ago. However, I same answer to the lecturer, they that you will be able to help them, have found the students who give answered, and I quote, “because it is”. well… eventually. me a grace period of 2 seconds get Quite literally three words and the These are the best kinds of students a far more coherent answer, even student accepted it. Three words. because even if you don’t know the sometimes in sentence form. Therefore my confession for this answer straight away they believe Yet what a GTA fears most is the week: give your GTA the benefit in you enough they will give you loss of this trust. If you take a fraction of the doubt. Even if they look like the ‘benefit of the doubt’. This is a of a second too long to answer, or you a bumbling fool for the first three precious thing for a GTA. I teach come out with something initially minutes, they might surprise you.

Where are the Queens in Chess? of the way: it does not require any chess, e.g. the middle ages, chess the strangest, FIDE (the world chess FIDE is saying that, yes women can be dexterity, strength or speed – only was played by women and men alike. organisation) introduced specific GMs, but they need to be separate and Maximilian Eggl your own brain power. Men and However, somewhat inexplicably, as woman’s titles. So, for example, you mean less than a normal GM. Games and Tech Editor women are not different in any way time progressed this ancient game was have a normal GM, which is highest This attitude that men and women if we just measure them by their more and more dominated by men. attainable title in chess, and then you need to be judged differently in this intelligence. Therefore, there should Furthermore in the 19th and 20th have a Woman Grandmaster. Not only sport is the crux of the problem. Yes, be no reason why as many women as centuries, roughly 5% of tournament do we have a distinct title, but to add I agree that in some sports it makes ecently the Imperial men shouldn’t compete at all levels. players have been of the fairer sex. insult to injury, the requirements for sense to have different competitions, College chess team arrived Throughout the early stages of In addition, and this is what I find attaining one are much easier. It is as if ranking etc. but why in chess? back from BUCA. After Another aspect that I believe hinders multiple rounds, Imperial women into getting chess as much managed to dominate as men is the the general perception Rthe entire tournament. It was a great of chess players. Since chess is the weekend of fun and exciting chess ultimate logical sport, men are seen games. However, throughout the as the best gender as they are, oh, so event, one thing particularly struck much more logical, just like in the me. Of a group of more than a 70 STEM subjects. I mean honestly, if people, I could have counted the I asked you on the fly right now, to number of women at this entire event name five women who were a great on two hands, maybe even one. Yet chess players, you would stumble a bit on average, men and women are (hopefully you could name five chess distributed fairly evenly throughout players though!). This ‘public opinion’ the globe. The ratio of the two genders has also lead to less encouragement is close to 1:1. Why was it something by parents, sponsors and clubs to try like 15 to one at this tournament? After and get women to actually try playing I got home I did my own research into chess. this and found some really astounding As an avid chess player, I think it is facts: no woman has ever been world quite sad that such a significant part of champion; there are only 30 women the population does not get as much who are full Grandmasters (when support to try playing chess. The there are actually 1,192 GMs); and and wealth of talent that probably goes and. The list goes on and on. Women wasted is a crime. I believe that there are woefully underrepresented in this isn’t a more equal game, where two famous game. Why is chess considered human beings, independent of gender, such a mans sport? age or origin can play a fair game, so Let us first get all the rubbish out vintageprintable.co.uk why not let all have a go at it? GooGle Glass & Wearables hackathon

march 7-9 signup at ichack.org

ideation and team formation session on 7th of march, open to all imperial college and imperial business school students. 14 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editors: Eoghan J. Totten, Tessa Davey COMMENT [email protected] Communist Manifesto: A History

philosophy. The relative sophistication This was a change of world-historical divergent German socialist parties, relevant. Christy Kelly of German philosophy compared to importance and has naturally been there only being a German language Following the start of the ‘Great Writer its French or British alternatives at the focus of much study. In the rest edition. However, by 1851 Engels Depression’ in the mid-1870s and the time is probably a product of the of Europe the development of the could write that “The first act of the subsequent growth of the various weakness of the German bourgeoisie, working classes, and certainly of the revolutionary drama on the European workers parties, The forced to conduct a purely intellectual working class consciousness, lagged continent of Europe has closed” Manifesto’s influence spread. This, it revolt. somewhat behind Britain. and the continent of Europe settled must be said, was little aided by the re-History: The world that Thus, for the most part, the young The fact that there had been so down to two incontinent decades of publication of the first Volume of formed The Manifesto was Hegelians levelled their criticisms at many reasons for the development economic growth. Unsurprisingly, Capital in 1867: it was almost certainly a world in the process of, organised religion and other kosher of the Communist Manifesto, both The Manifesto made little headway very little understood or even read by to use Karl Polanyi’s term, topics. Marx held these young social and intellectual, led some in this period, with no successful the majority of the literate workers, a great transformation. Hegelians and their idealism in some critics to accuse Marx and Engels of translations. This was alleviated a so never mind the workers in general. PThe American and French revolutions disdain (see for instance the biting unoriginality. This is a meaningless little by the foundation of the First However in countries such as had shown once and for all that the old early texts, The Holy Family and The accusation in so far that if we are to International, the founding of the England, where the workers’ parties absolutist orders were anachronisms German Ideology). However, possibly say that ideas have a sound basis two German workers’ parties which were still of little threat, the text itself that had somehow forgotten to via Feuerbach (it depends on the in social situations, we are merely were to become the SPD and Marx’s was met with universal admiration by die; the industrial revolution had Marxist you ask: Terry Eagleton would parroting a Marxist point. However newfound notoriety as an eloquent those qualified to know and its general thoroughly transformed the basic say yes, Lukàcs no), Marx developed in terms of theoretical rigour, sheer and powerful defender of the Paris influence may have diffused down to modes of capitalist production and a materialist conception of history style and insight which is original in Commune in 1871. the lower ranks of the new Labour with them, the history of the future and the Hegelian dialectic which was that it revealed itself to no others, The first big break for The Manifesto Party via its leaders. This was not to world. The industrial revolution in central to the political program put Marx (and to a lesser extent Engles) came with the trial of August Bebel and last; Lloyd George, having studied turn transformed society: in 1770, the economics at Oxford, could boast at year Wordsworth was born, London’s never having read a line of Capital, but population was still somewhat less then, Lloyd George had been forced to than 1 million people, but a year after institute the outlines of a welfare-state Wordsworth died in 1851, Britain system and so feelings towards Marx had an urban majority and London were probably running a little higher. a population of around 3 million. Despite this very real growth in The visibility of these demographic spread and reach, The Manifesto’s transformations are reflected by the impact before WWI was fairly limited. publication of Malthus’ Essay on the Despite the appearance of the new Principle of Population in 1798 and mass workers parties – by 1912 the the start of modern census taking at SPD was the biggest party in Germany the turn of the century. Similarly the with a million members on the eve landscape was becoming similarly of the war – there were somewhere deformed, Blake’s ‘dark Satanic Mills’ in the region of 100 to 150 thousand date to the opening decade of the 19th copies of The Manifesto printed in century. However, the fact that Blake Germany between 1848 and 1918. It found the factories so remarkable also seems apparent that the working shows how little developed class had not absorbed many of the industrialism was; the mills would ideas in The Manifesto. Classics of lose their chthonic terror in the wisps working-class literature such as The of a mid-century miasmic fog. Ragged Trousered Philanthropist It was in these new industrial hell- show just how limited the initial holes that socialist ideas were born: the reach of Marxist ideas were amongst first major Saint-Simonian journal was the working classes, and even in L’Industrie, while Robert Owen spent intellectual radical sectors of the a spell as a Manchester mill manager. working class, Darwinism was a more Proudhon made careful use of the ubiquitous intellectual preoccupation new science of political economy in than anti-capitalism. Socialism, order to advocate his anarchism. Their however, had become a recognised motivations were in differing degrees force and the name of Marx was also compassion and self-righteous moral famous. horror at the sight of the collapse of I will not write about the spread social values that accompanied these and growth nor the decline and fall rapid demographic changes. zeno.org of Marxism in the short twentieth Meanwhile, the true socialist century other than the very general impetus came from the gradual remark that it cannot be understood development of the working class forth in The Manifesto. is unsurpassed by any thinker of his Wilhelm Liebknecht, the founders of without a careful look at the state of the and the growing consciousness Important as the academic heritages age. It was the Communist Manifesto the SPD, as well as the lesser-known USSR and other countries around the that something needed to be done. are, the real reason for the birth of which was to first bring the attention Adolf Hepner, a socialist journalist, world. However, it must be mentioned It was mainly the artisanal sectors communism, however, was the birth of the world to Marxist doors. Within for treason in 1872. These three had that nothing did so much to make that were interested in theoretical of a new class. To use EP Thompson’s weeks of the Manifesto’s publication been put on trial for objecting to the Marx an intrinsic part of our collective lucidity for their programmes which term, the working class was ‘made’ in the Spectre that had been haunting Franco-Prussian War and during the culture as the initial existence in the were coming more and more to be Britain between 1780 and, say, 1830 in Europe exploded in an inferno of proceedings the prosecution read 20th century of the Soviet Union. called ‘communism’; the members the first revolts where the proletariat social revolt, the fires of which spread out the entire text of The Manifesto. Marxism became the hegemonic of Communist League which expressed a certain measure of class throughout the whole of Europe. The This was a rather remarkable event, expression of revolutionary left-wing commissioned The Manifesto were consciousness. working classes of Europe had been because it led to the first large-print discontent because of the Soviet mainly tailors and woodworkers. The notorious maturity of the inflamed. run of The Manifesto, published Union’s economic and political To trace the intellectual development English working class – mature Pre-Soviet Influence legally only because it was part of successes. Similarly, the decline came of The Manifesto, however, we must because older; and older as England Following the outbreak of the court-proceedings. The 1872 preface with the growing realisation of its also look to German philosophy. was the first industrial country – 1848 revolutions, The Communist to the text is generally compiled with economic and political failures. Moral Hegel, born like Wordsworth in 1770, meant that the Chartist revolt could Manifesto probably had a small but the text and explains briefly which concern was of next to no importance was the undisputed giant of German be as large and as non-violent as it was. real impact, amongst the variously elements of the text are no longer on either side. FRIDAY 28 FEB 15

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FelixImperial COMMENT

Editorial

This week students on campus mourn for the tragic loss of Miss Tianling Wang, an MSc student at the Business School. Our thoughts are with her friends and family.

his week’s news brings Felix’s Election List a variety of different events to focus. As well President as a well attended RAG Pratt, Jonny week (see our facebook Saha, Plabon Tpage for pictures), we’ve hosted an International Model United Deputy President (Finance & Nations Conference, finished Services) ArtsFest and won a hackathon Savell, Alex It’s also getting close to the end of the Big Elections nomination Deputy President (Welfare) period. Before you find out the full list of nominations from the Deputy President (Education) Union website (or ours) after the candidate’s meeting on Monday Deputy President (Clubs & we’re publishing a slightly Socs) updated list of people running for positions. Have you got the Felix Editor guts to stand and be counted? Eggl, Maximilian Matuszewski, Maciej Skett, Philippa

New Imperial Mobile The app for students featuring College information, Union news, travel updates and much more. Latest features include new design, real-time computer availability and course timetables for some departments. → www.imperial.ac.uk/imperialmobile 16 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected] Medics are On The Razzle! shit, constantly. been like so far? The Producers ISHANI: Well, it requires you to be ICSM Drama Society involved, and to make things happen. GEN: It’s been a lot of fun. It’s just a And Kanch and I like to make things lovely community. happen. ELVIN: Did you do drama before? couple of weeks ago, KANCH: We do. We’re doers. GEN: No, only in primary school. the producers of ICSM ISHANI: We’re the dream team. Secondary school was only musicals, Drama’s upcoming and I can’t sing, so… production, On the Now, Tommy, you are the senior- ISHANI: What inspired you to join Razzle, sat down with most producer; you’ve done this us? Was it me? theA cast and crew for a ‘Hollywood- before. Ishani and Kanch are the GEN: I was interested in drama. I did style interview’ about the making of rookies. What is the best advice really enjoy it in primary school. the play. Not really knowing what a you would impart on someone who TOMMY: Based on what you’ve ‘Hollywood-style interview’ was, it wants to be a producer? experienced so far, would you do it quickly spiralled into a conversation again? about life, the universe, and Asda. TOMMY: Just be ready to do anything GEN: Of course, I haven’t gone (within boundaries). It’s a very through a play week yet but I really Elvin: Director encompassing role. Be on the other enjoyed Freshers’ Plays. Tommy, Ishani and Kanch: Producers end of the phone, be prompt with CHIPPY: I always think play week Chippy: Technical Director e-mails. These guys have been really is the best, mainly because that’s the Peter: Artistic Director good. Having done it last year and this only time I actually do something. Abi: Costumes year, it’s been equally fun. Everyone else: Cast ISHANI: [looking over at Kanch] One What is the one best thing about thing to work on is spelling our names play week? Elvin, tell us what this play is about. correctly in e-mails. RIJ: The best thing is opening night, I ELVIN: I’ve always described this Peter, what are the challenges of think. It’s the first time you go onstage play as ‘Ferris Bueller’s Day Off in being Artistic Director? and the first time anyone will watch 1900s Vienna.’ I think that’s quite what you’ve been working on for apt. It’s about two shop assistants, PETER: When I first saw the script, months. It’s terrifying but at the same Christopher and Weinberl, who take I thought uh-oh because I counted time it’s really good. advantage of their boss Zangler’s five or six different scenes; interior, ABS: I’d say the last night, actually. absence to escape to the big city exterior, shop outside, shop inside, flat You get to have fun with it. You’ve for one last adventure. Meanwhile, inside, flat garden, restaurant – all of worked on it for months, trying to Zangler’s niece Marie decides to elope which are completely different. perfect it and then you get to release with her lover Sonders, but they all ISHANI: I do remember you telling all the ideas you’ve had about how to end up crossing paths anyway. It’s a me about this. You looked like you make it funny. classic farce. were about to cry. ABI: I quite like the dress rehearsal, TOMMY: Ralph Fiennes, because Chippy, what does Tech actually do? PETER: Elvin wiped my tears. We because having done the costumes it’s How are rehearsals going? I was taught by the same guy who I’ve been dying to find out. had to get a bit creative, but we good to see that everyone has one. No taught him. brainstormed ideas together. We sat one has to be onstage naked, which is ELVIN: Rehearsals are good. I feel like ABARIS: Schwarzenegger. CHIPPY: So at the beginning of the down, had a heart to heart – it was always good to see. we’ve been doing more than we have RIJ: Actually, can I change mine to term, we sat down with Elvin and quite romantic… wait… where am I ELVIN: I like the ‘move in weekend’ before. But it’s an incredibly wordy Ishani? discussed what he wanted, how he going with this? – can I say that? It’s when everyone play, and there’s a lot of dialogue to wanted the stage to look. Then we ELVIN: It’s a really ambitious set, with comes together for the first time. The memorise. Tommy, Gen, some of the scenes worked out how to make it look like a lot of moving parts. I don’t think cast meets the crew and there’s a sense RIJ: And there’s a lot of wordplay in in this play could potentially be that – what he wants on stage – with we’ve ever attempted something like of camaraderie; you’re all working the wordy play. [Groans all around] awkward. How have you dealt with the lights we’ve got. this before. towards a common goal. Is that really ELVIN: I’ve always believed that the scenes that might be out of your lame? repetition breeds familiarity, so really, comfort zone? So what other challenges have you Abi, we’ve not heard from Costumes. TOMMY: It is. we just run through scenes over and had with tech so far? Tell us about Costumes. over again in the hopes that some of TOMMY: What are you talking about? So why should people come to see this dialogue will stick. JESAL: Snogging! CHIPPY: This year has been very ABI: There is a lot of tartan. this play? TOMMY: There’s a lot of intimacy. difficult to get other people to help ELVIN: Why is there a lot of tartan? So, Rij, can you tell us a little bit ELVIN: How do you approach it as an out. ABI: It’s SO cheap! TOMMY: It’s fucking hilarious. about what it’s like to be the star of actor, because it must be challenging, KANCH: Fair enough, I guess that’s ISHANI: Clever wordplay, the the show during a fairly hectic term? right? And if people are interested in one way of doing costumes. charisma of the cast… TOMMY: You just talk it out helping you, how do they go about ABI: It’s £3.50 a metre, which is really KANCH: The script, the actors, all RIJ: Busy. I’ve had no time for beforehand and set the ground rules: doing that? very cheap for fabric. We have tartan that tartan. anything else… I’m kind of trying to absolutely no eye contact. My advice cloaks, which looks a bit like Red CHIPPY: We have T-shirts. do medicine on the side a little bit, but would be to be very firm and proper CHIPPY: They can e-mail me! At Riding Hood. Um… Costumes is fun? it’s been a struggle. No, it’s been really in your approach. Don’t look like you ac3912. Or they can Facebook me. I’m We sit in Reynolds and sew. ICSM Drama’s On the Razzle runs good though. enjoy it. the only Chippy. TOMMY: What do you do while from March 5th-8th at the Union ELVIN: I’m feeling a little hot under you’re sewing? Concert Hall. Doors open at 7pm. Actors, who is your acting the collar. Kanch, you are a producer. Tell us ABI: We play music, and usually we inspiration? TOMMY: You don’t want to give the about the producing experience. gossip. It’s really good fun. We’re nice. audience the wrong impression. Make We’re lovely! Please come and join us RIJ: Qamar. it very clear that there is a friend zone. JESAL: Yeah, what does a producer – Diana and I are always there. Kanch YATHU: Christian Bale. I would like to point out that it does even do? sometimes joins us. Significant sewing ISHANI: I’ll go for the slug woman in take two to tango in this… relationship KANCH: Elvin gets the glory, and we experience is not required. Diana is a Monsters, Inc. dynamic. order the T-shirts. very patient teacher. I am not, but JESAL: Heath Ledger and Gollum. GEN: I’m just a very awkward person ELVIN: Can you try not to sound so that’s not the point. We’ve got Diana GEN: My acting inspiration would be so I was very awkward when I was resentful, please? But seriously, what so it’s fine! Ishani. approaching it all, I remember. Now made you want to be a producer? ABI: I would have to go with Ishani as I’m okay with it – I remember before I Because you’re right, it’s a very Gen, as a fresher coming into this well. was like, “Oh my God”. unglamorous role. People give you society – what’s your experience FRIDAY 28 FEB 17

@feliximperial

FelixImperial ARTS

POETRY CORNER The Fluid Fantastic Kamil McClelland admires the poetic, mathematical, Poem from the Bintag organic forms of sculptor Richard Deacon by Oscar McGinty

Under the clouds and into the seas of old That roll on knowingly as these tales unfold, Passion and loss grow old together, Smiling, hand in hand, watching the weather; As their futures fade into a thing of the past, They slowly drift apart, now losing their grasp; Passion rising to skies where feelings learn to walk And loss, sinking down to depths where nobody talks; To wait and listen for that familiar hum Of racing thoughts coming to life under the sun.

Fancy yourself a poet? Got an artwork you’d like to share? Made a nice origami? Send submissions to [email protected] to showcase your work in Felix.

More Than A Taste

© RICHARD DEACON young lady from Salford. She had had Richard Deacon, Lock, 1990 Lily Le no formal training in play-writing and Writer had only left school three years prior. What: Richard Deacon its precise network of construction a completely different perspective. Being such a forward-thinking first Where: Tate Britain, SW1 lines overlaid with a form as fluid and After is another work that really play, it was no surprise that it was such When: Until 27th April rhythmic as Orpheus’ sonorous lyre. stood out for me: a serpentine lattice What: A Taste of Honey a success in the then male-dominated Price: £10, £8.60 students It is in his exploration of of wood writhing across the floor, only Where: National Theatre, SE1 world of theatre. Delaney truly was contradictions like this that makes to be tamed by the leash of glistening When: Until 11th May Britain’s first working class female Deacon so exciting. Geometric is steel that bisects its body. In no other Price: Various playwright. n its current headline exhibition, made organic; heavy seems light; a piece is the relationship between space Her background is reflected in her Tate Britain is looking back on the void is somehow given mass. In Out and volume so masterfully explored. writing. There is no pretension or life of sculptor Richard Deacon, a of Order, he manipulates wood into The curving ribs define a void that Taste of Honey is a fantasy when portraying working- keystone in the British art scene unimaginable shapes. Corkscrews of is given the illusion of mass, making play as predictable, yet class Salford, and the comedy is down over the past thirty-five years. steamed oak curl in a way more akin to the thrashing creature even more ironic as its title would to earth and abrupt, if a little 50s IAlthough not as well known as wire; lyrical, as if defying gravity. formidable and powerful. And so, suggest. slapstick. fellow sculptors Anish Kapoor and Only Deacon would be able to when the rigid metal band tethers this Let me explain Despite being a superficially simple Anthony Gormley, Deacon is no less achieve this. Throughout his career raw energy to the floor, the tension more.A Helen is a whinging single play, the heavy relationships between impressive. Gaining recognition in the he has experimented with a wide created is almost unbearable. The mother more interested in keeping characters required some sturdy early 1980’s as part of the Young British range of materials, developing an sweeping form contrasted with a her hair fixed in place than feeding acting too. This came in the form Sculptors movement, he cemented his exceptional understanding of their strong dividing line harks back to the her whinging teenage daughter. She of Lesley Sharp as Helen, and Kate position at the top of his field after character and qualities. He describes drawings from earlier on but now in abandons her child for her alcoholic O’Flynn who played an excellently being awarded the Turner Prize in himself as a fabricator and the process 3D, diving through space in the same fiancé, 10 years her junior. A black annoying and throttle-able Jo. 1987 and has continued advancing his of production is important for him. dynamic fashion as one sees in much sailor gets his way with young, As always, production at the National style ever since. Glue oozes out from the layers of of Deacon’s work. innocent Jo and also abandons her, Theatre lived up to the excellent This exhibition explores his artistic laminated timber. Welds, rivets and The only pieces I didn’t particularly pregnant. She befriends a gay art expected standards. The direction evolution in a well considered and screws – all clear to see – add to this connect with were from his Art for school student who uses his bursary (Bijan Sheibani) prevented the piece beautifully displayed showcase that sense of process, giving each piece its Other People series, a collection of to look after her while she is too becoming tedious despite only having spans his whole career, from his individuality. smaller pieces designed for display in ashamed to leave the house and work. two settings. The choreography (Aline earliest creations to pieces like Fold, In his abstract forms, Deacon private residences. His works are so The alcoholic runs off with another David) and music (Paul Englishby) which makes its first ever public does not provide you with an ideal much about space and form that on a woman and Helen comes back to the also added to the endearing 50s vibe, appearance this month. perspective from which to enjoy the small scale, you just don’t relate to them squat she left her daughter in. topping off the whole piece. Poetry and philosophy form an piece. In fact there are an infinite in the same way. They feel static and The plot really is as simple as it Although it may leave the audience important source of inspiration for number of points of view from which lack the overwhelming effect of some sounds – like any television soap I with mixed feelings, especially Deacon, and sonnets by Austrian you can observe it; each unique, no larger pieces like After, which steals the would have turned off by now, was a younger viewers who have grown poet Rilke inspire the elegant set of one better than another. This equality show for me. This Tate retrospective thought that flitted through my mind up with hard, fast action and intense sketches that greet you as you enter in experience encourages you to is well worth a visit; an excellent every five minutes. emotional turmoil of modern the exhibition space. A complex walk around a work, scrutinise it and selection of works carefully chosen to However, this does not mean that television, films, and plays; it is a layering of graphite and pastel, It’s interact with it. This was especially the highlight Deacon’s phenomenal skill A Taste of Honey is a bad play. It piece which is excellently brought to Orpheus When There’s Singing feels case with Out of Order where there and mastery of material, revealing why was written by 20 year old Shelagh life, even if a little underwhelming for simultaneously mathematical and was nothing I wanted to do more than he is seen as one of Britain’s foremost Delaney in 1958; a working class modern times. organic: an engineer’s blueprints with go inside the piece and explore it from innovators in sculpture. 18 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: Arianna Sorba ARTS [email protected] The naked truth about art history Fred Fyles investigates the depiction the female nude in art throughout history, and asks, is it exploitative?

were, in some way, ‘rebelling’ against Throughout the history of art there the oppression of women is laughable. have been a number of artists who have Rather than being a celebration of sought to challenge the idea of what a female sexual independence, on the nude should be. Two examples would whole nudes contain strong elements be Manet’s Olympia, and Picasso’s Les of erotica, and are vastly an exaltation Demoiselles D’Avignon, both female of male sexual desire. nudes that caused a shock when they This inherent erotica can be found were exhibited; while the controversy in a number of female nudes, an idea can be attributed in some part to supported by art critic John Berger, the painting style – more so for the who states that female nudes reflect Picasso – a large amount came from the ‘prevailing power relationship the fact that the women portrayed between females portrayed in art and were prostitutes. This idea, of society the predominantly male audience’. shaming female sexuality, slots in Some works featuring female nudes nicely between religious oppression are so dehumanising that they almost of women and objectification of the become a self-parody; an example female form in the foundation of our can be seen in Courbet’s L’Origine patriarchal society. A counterargument du Monde, which is quite simply an could be made for the paintings of extreme close up of female genitals; the late Francis Bacon, whose nude we do not see the woman’s face, her studies of both men and women were arms and legs are outside of the frame; naturalistic to the point of grotesque; she is no longer human. Still, this does however, this is still an example of not go as far as the work by British Bacon using the female form as an sculptor Allen Jones, who quite literally object with which he makes a point on transforms women into objects, such the nature of beauty. Richard Hamilton, Le Chef-d'oeuvre inconnu 1, 2011 © The Estate of Richard Hamilton as tables and chairs. While some of the language I have Even artists who present women in a used in this article may seem strong, I n the retrospective for legendary influences the art produced today. But the method of presentation; while way that is less obviously objectifying don’t want this to be seen as a polemic British artist Richard Hamilton, what kind of message do these works the male nudes of classical antiquity imbue their subjects with heavy doses against the female nude. I believe that currently running across both the convey? Are they celebrations of the show muscular olympians, standing of erotica. Degas’ nudes are often most of the works mentioned, although Tate Modern and the ICA, we have female form, or just another means by tall and proud, the female statuary is painted performing routine activities, they contribute to the debasement of the opportunity to see the piece which society objectifies and exploits generally soft, rounded, and inherently such as washing; ‘they are nude’, women in society, are hugely influential, Ihe was working on before his death women? ‘feminine’, promoting the female ‘ideals’ Degas seems to state, ‘because they and incredibly moving masterpieces. I in 2011. Le Chef-d’oeuvre Inconnu, If we are to take the idea of of grace and beauty. This disparity has are bathing, it is completely normal’. do not believe that people need to stop inspired by a Balzac story, shows ‘Objectification’ literally, then it is easy helped to form the societal pressures However, these works are still highly viewing such works, but perhaps you three masters of European painting, to argue that all figurative art is a form put upon women to look good for men, erotic, and place the viewer into the should take a bit of time to explore the Poussin, Titian, and Courbet, studying of objectification; when an artist paints, and promoted the idea of the ‘ideal role of voyeur, which in some ways is work of female artists who are in charge a computer enhanced reclining nude. sculpts, or prints an image of a person, female beauty’. a more insidious representation of the of their own image, such as Pipilotti In a way, this piece neatly links a theme they are essentially transforming that This view is represented in Titian’s power imbalance. And nudes need Rist, Yoko Ono, and Nan Goldin. All that has been running throughout person’s image into a physical object, stunning work Venus of Urbino (1583), not be beautiful in order to be erotic that I ask is that people approach the art history – that of the female nude be it a canvas or a statue. Therefore, which shows the ideal reclining nude; or objectifying; the work of Schiele is art that they view with a bit more – tracing it from the days of Titian, it could be said, that this process of gazing into the viewer, with a hand grotesque, showing emaciated, twisted nuance; ‘Art for Art’s Sake’ is all well through five centuries, to the current objectification is gender neutral; when placed gently over her genitals, this forms. But instead of being horrifying and fine, but the works artists produce world of Photoshop and advertising. a person is represented in art, they are Venus is the paragon of female softness – and perhaps this is a mark of Schiele’s cannot be separated from the society in However, the legacy of the female always objectified, whether they are and sensuality. Even painters who genius – the paintings seem very which they were made any more than nude goes even further back; along male or female. espoused this societal ideal of beauty, sexually charged, conveying an idea of they can be removed from the medium with the landscape and the still life, the However, this argument ignores such as Peter Paul Rubens, whose syphilitic sexuality – love in the time of with which they’re formed. That’s the figurative nude forms one of the key the proportion of male to female voluptuous nudes inspired the word cholera, if you will. naked truth. cornerstones of the artistic canon. nudes. While male nudes may be ‘Rubenesque’, still imposed their ideas The first known examples of the commonplace in galleries, they are of ideal beauty upon the female form, female nude can be traced back to swamped by their female counterparts. making women little more than objects the Venus Figurines – prehistoric The ‘Guerilla Girls’, a group of feminist of desire. depictions of women with exaggerated activists who address sexism in the This idea of the nude objectifying proportions, thought to represent arts, demonstrate this idea succinctly women is complicated by the uneasy fertility goddesses. The oldest of these, with their poster Do Women have to relationship between the Church the Venus of Hohle-Fels, dates back to be Naked to get into the Met. Museum?, and the European art world during over 35,000 years ago. This theme then which states that ‘85% of the nudes [in the Middle Ages, where nudity was ran through Greek statuary, forming the Metropolitan Museum] are female’. discouraged. The only depictions of the concept of the classical nude, which With such a disparity it is easy to see nudity that weren’t frowned upon was to be referenced by artists for the that the balance of power is shifted far were where the element was necessary, next two millennia. These Greek statues towards the men of the art world. such as in biblical stories; if one wants were used to decorate temples, and This isn’t such a surprise; after all, to find examples of nudes from this included representations of gods such the ‘Male Gaze’, described by feminist period, one needs look no further that as Aphrodite and Apollo, who were theorist Laura Mulvey, is imposed the vast wealth of depictions of ‘The thought to be perfect representations upon the art world by the largely Fall’ painted by European painters. of physical form. heterosexual, white men who control a While this theme of patriarchal religion While the taste for the classical nude large proportion of the industry. suppressing the very idea of female has declined somewhat in the Modern Another issue with the comparison sexuality is a familiar one, the argument Era, it is still a theme that greatly between male and female nudes is that artists who painted female nudes Edouard Manet, Olympia, 1863 Photo of the Week Credit: Tony Ling Email your photo to [email protected] ICRADIO.COM ICRADIO.COM IMPERIAL COLLEGE RADIO are doing a 24-hour broadcast for RAG today (Friday) until tomorrow at 1pm.

Tune in now at icradio.com and help us smash the listening record!

Donate at icradio.com/donate 22 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: Maciej Matuszewski, Eva BOOKS Rosenthal [email protected] Notes to a Fresher What would you say to a fresher? Creative Writing students answer

Dearest New Imperialite, I know what you are. I can tell, with just one glance.

Ahhhhhh. You see, I’ve had a lot of experience with your type. That makes it easy to categorise you. Feel the satisfaction you get from this airy sigh that is not weighed down by uncompleted tasks that hang on your mind like curtains Let me explain. closed. Taste the lightness of being unattached to eternal objectives – ongoing – as a night train on endless tracks made of Bases of endless There are three types of maths students: the geeks, the party animals and the Asians. Stereotypical, but true. Wobble. All of them have held me at some point. The Asians treat me well, keeping me clean, while the party animals Ahhhhhh. toss me into the depths of their bag where I’m surrounded by a terrible stench. The geeks leisurely flick Enjoy the sharp end of this sigh – its finiteness – just like all the through, while everyone else frantically turns pages, trying to cram for the next exam. separate days which you have lived so far. For soon, each day will be a lump of plasticine which you can press and watch agglutinate to No matter how they treat me, I do know that they love me. I am popular and well written. My contents are merge – merge… the basics that every mathematician needs to know. Kristjana, Biochemistry, 2nd year Now, I can feel you wanting to toss me into the corner of the room, ignoring me and piling horrible sticky things on top of me. Don’t.

Even though I know who you are, I’ll help you study. Take care of me, and I’ll take care of you. I’ll make sure you pass that exam. I’ll do my best, and that’s all you’ll need, I guarantee.

If you don’t, if you spill your drinks over me and let my pages be torn, I assure you that you’ll have a hard time when it comes to revising. Plus, the library will give me to a more appreciative user and add penalties to the meagre remains of your student loan. It’s in your interest to look after me.

So, let’s get to work.

When expostulating spirits have you defeated and you are ready to Cassandra Yong fall upon your own sword, remember: nothing contributes so much 2nd Year Mathematics to tranquilize the mind and excite the body as a steadfast, firm and repetitive grip of purpose, a point on which the soul may fix its intellectual eye.

Anon Physics, 3rd Year

Dear Human,

Athenaeum Pardon the informality. Pips is insisting that we inquire of you: do you enjoy a slice of red leicester on occasion? Also, Mickey would like to know your shoe size. I sense it in the heartbeats that throb in my stairwell, harmonising with the hum of computers. Fresh faces, bright with potential, at Without further ado, let us take this opportunity to welcome you to 74b, Wilson House student halls. Our home between my stacks. Dark follows fast on the heels of the day, previous human – a sad day, the day of his departure – has completed his term with us. He contributed heralding the feast ahead. Daily sacrifice is inevitable and all I must tirelessly to our food supplies and deposited a magnificent stench from his soles on every fabric and surface. do is wait. Shadowed eye sockets and sly sips of coffee, heads slumped His scent will remain with us forever. on desks, but even oblivion offers no release. Let us be clear, we do not rule over you; on the contrary, we are your family. Our ideology is grounded in Seasons fade into one another and the zealous swell in number, core family values: Provision – essential for family wellbeing. Discipline – a necessary reformative tool. clamouring to claim choice spots. I’m sated from within as they eat You will come to see our shared occupancy is mutually beneficial. and dream and worship me with work. In due course, you will receive a full briefing on the terms of your tenancy. Until that time, please be aware The long, hollow summer stretches ahead. And I wait. And think of you must not plug any small holes or crevices you may find upon arrival - for example, along the skirting those who’ve emerged unscathed to face their futures, and those who boards. This is a strict condition of occupancy. You would be wise to comply. are yet to come. Chloe Houghton Wishing you well, Jeremiah Vocaturo Physics, 4th Year Minnie Physics w/ Theoretical Physics, 3rd Year

24 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: Simon Hunter, Riaz Agahi, Stuart MUSIC Masson [email protected] Foals show their thoroughbred lineage Aiden Langan gives his thoughts as love is in the air with Foals at Ally Pally

he band of the moment may way for the band to come in, slowing vocalist Yannis Philippakis, during have been Foals, but there building up to a climax. The crowd it. Perhaps he was just admiring his was very capable support understandably went wild, moving in work as he orchestrated the crowd from American band Cage waves forward and back. People were with ease. The waves of people the Elephant. As with a lot falling over constantly. People at the pushing forward and back continued. Tof supporting bands, I had only heard front were being crushed. There were The crowd had not eased up as they a handful of their songs. However, mosh pits all over the Palace and then may have done for other bands and they performed them like they were a they played their next track, Hummer, this was due to the hits continually leading act, causing mosh pits rarely one of their brilliant first singles which coming. I was told by a random person found during a supporting act. The they did not even put onto their debut “don’t go near the front, you will die”; audience sang along to nearly all of album Antidotes. This would normally that certainly didn’t stop me or others their songs, such as Aberdeen and be a type of song which people doing so. Shake Me Down. They could have wouldn’t necessarily know and a risky Providence was a particular easily been a headlining act and I can’t choice to put so early. Not so for Foals. highlight for me, as the mosh pit wait to see them again, whenever that The live version is different to the opened up once again, taking over may occur. This is a band who are studio version and it works just like easily half the width of Alexandra well-deserving of their co-headlining every other song with people singing Palace. People then kneeled down and tour in America with Foals in May. and dancing like crazy as if it was an started hitting the ground like it was Of course, it was all about Foals. album song. a tribal ritual. Soon there was a mass had a great light show with the wild, again hitting the ground like a Having masterfully headlined their Whilst the older material made the of people hitting the ground, and then, aforementioned lasers, and it led tribe, but now, possibly, beginning to first major UK festival, Latitude, in crowd go wild, the songs from Holy as expected the crowd rushed into the to a massive sing-along once again. tire. That is until the legendary ‘Ba- the summer, they were ready for the Fire produce an even greater reaction. pit and went in for the party of their When you hear 10,000 people ba-ba-ba’ part and the drums kick in first of their two sold-out nights, During My Number, the ultimate anti- lives. Foals definitely know how to singing along to the same song, it is and everyone is screaming “That’s one on February 14th, at the legendary Valentine’s Day song, the crowd was have a party and they were making just unexplainable and it is the most step, one step, two step”. The crowd Alexandra Palace. Prelude, from their singing much louder than the band it extra special after having been incredible thing. The band ended their reaches its climax and so did Foals. their latest album Holy Fire, is a great could play and you couldn’t really hear “everywhere to Timbuktu” and all they main setlist with Inhaler where the In that one minute of the end of Two wanted to do was to “come back and band let rip with their instruments Steps Twice, Foals had cemented their play here”. Despite this, Philippakis and the crowd bounced even more so place as one of the best live bands. I AMS album of the week did not jump from balconies feet first, than before. left in pain, with a bruise over my as he had done in Dublin, but merely The band then left after a criminally face, a lost phone (kinda worth it) and Metronomy - Love Letters climbed up the speakers at one point. short eleven song main set. They had saddened that this was the end of the Did it make a difference to the show certainly pleased me with this but I show. For this reason, I can not wait Metronomy have had a surprisingly long they gave? Hell no. They don’t need was waiting, for I knew more had to for September where I will be at the journey to their current position. Started tricks, crazy stunts or a light show come, and it sure did. Coming on for front watching them headline Bestival. by Joseph Mount all the way back in 1999, to make a great gig. However, I must The French Open, it was all coming A short 13 song set would leave it took until 2006 for the first album, fully point out that they got their light show together for the end: Two Steps Twice. some disappointed after three instrumental Pip Paine (Pay the £5000 going with lasers after Philippakis was This is easily one of the best songs to amazing albums for some bands but You Owe), to be released. 2008 saw the requested to “get your tits out or your end a show. Like Prelude, they built not for those who had seen Foals on first recognisably “Metronomy” release, lasers”. it up slowly but over a longer time, Valentine’s Day at Alexandra Palace, with second album Nights Out getting a Spanish Sahara, from Total Life around eight minutes of building or at any day/place, for they are quite reasonable amount of critical attention, Forever, was a slower song but it up in fact. The crowd was still going possibly the best live band in the UK. if not quite proving the breakthrough it deserved to be. It was in 2011, with The English Riviera, that Metronomy finally became the big deal they’d always Strypes - obvious pattern with mixed results threatened to become. Big hits The Look and The Bay, along with a Mercury prize nomination, saw a huge incerase in both sales and interest. This is the first certainly isn’t a shame as the crowd time they’ve had to deal with expectation, so can they pull it off? Aiden Langan opens up a mosh pit from the start Lead single I’m Aquarius, released last November, definitely raised Music Writer and it never goes away due to this expectations further. It was the same sleek, sexy electropop that made them such band making sure the crowd has a fun a hit, but that’s no bad thing. The rest of the album is a lot more adventurous, time. They smash through songs in and it’s hard to know how to feel about it. The Upsetter and Monstrous are really he Strypes are a young quick time, but they never feel rushed washed out and dreamy, whilst Love Letters has a stomping honky tonk piano band, having just released and the crowd were in for a great that could work in an Elton John track. Month of Sundays sounds like early their debut album Snapshot rock’n’roll party. It is evident that Shins with synths (which obviously works), before developing into an almost in late 2013. They are they have learnt a lot from their time Pink Floyd for the modern age type affair (which obviously doesn’t). Boy Racers also young in that every supporting Arctic Monkeys during is a sleek, instrumental electropop track, but it comes across a bit like Hot Chip Tmember is under the age of 19. Their their AM tour (although sadly not having a really bad day rather than as anything of interest. Call Me is possibly lack of original songs doesn’t stop Alex Turner’s witty lyric-writing). the highlight for me. Frantic and angular, with Joe’s breathy high pitched vocals them from playing a blistering set of This is a very new band and they at their very best. It’s an absolute belter. The Most Immaculate Haircut is not. 23 songs in Shepherd’s Bush Empire, should be proud of what they have through the whole album, albeit in Quite bizarrely, it’s a fairly average indie rock track. Reservoir is another great mainly thanks to them playing a lot of done in such a small amount of time, a different order. However, it is the electropop track but then Never Wanted sounds like the worst of the 80s. covers from bands such as Ramones particularly their live show which covers that show the band at their The album is fairly incohesive. There are some really great tracks here, but (Rockaway Beach) and The Kingsmen involves the crowd a great deal. They best. Perhaps with a few better songs, there’s also a few real missteps. It seems like they were scared of falling into the (Louie Louie) on top of their own should be able to make the step-up they will be more than a very good trap of just reproducing The English Riviera and have ended up trying too hard songs. to Brixton if they were to make a few cover band. to be different. The result is a bit messy, and on some levels really frustrating. The Strypes have not produced more albums. They play so well that Ending with You Can’t Judge a Book The best tracks here sound like natural progressions from Nights Out and The anything groundbreaking, instead they deserve to be one of the next big by the Cover, this is not a band who English Riviera, and if they’d just let this album come naturally I think it could taking very strong influences from 60s bands but, unfortunately, Snapshot people should judge by their age but have been highly enjoyable. As it is, it’s definitely not an album I’m going to be and 70s music, as evident from their was definitely not one of the better by their music, which they perform revisiting in full. This is definitely ripe for cherry picking. covers. This makes for a really fun albums of last year. really well. They need to continue Stuart Masson time. With such a limited number of their great live show, but with more of Starting with What a Shame, it original songs, they manage to play their own songs for next time. FRIDAY 28 FEB 25

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FelixImperial MUSIC LITE by name, full fat by nature Stuart Masson reviews a line up chocked full of math rock from home and abroad

ath rock is a fairly resist. a lot jazzier and featuring a few less wanted to go out with a bang. They niche genre. The first act we managed to see heavy sections. It’s a sound I absolutely gave it everything, even extending Featuring a chaotic was Alarmist. Hailing from Dublin, adore, and considering that all of past curfew by over half an hour. mixture of different this instrumental four-piece were the greats in the scene have broken Their sound is fairly typical of the time signatures, apparently performing for the first up (or replaced their lead singer and Japanese math rock I’ve heard. A Mtempo changes and abrupt stylistic time in London. The set delivered become really shit) a new band taking heavy reliance on stop start type stuff alterations, its extreme technical didn’t seem to be marked by any nerves it on with such aplomb is extremely is underpinned with a strong groove nature makes it very difficult to play though, as they performed a very exciting. and a generally uplifting mood. LITE and, for a lot of people, very difficult capable half hour of tight instrumental I’ve actually seen The Physics House do throw in a bit of a heavier edge into to listen to. However, it is a genre with math rock. They sounded a lot like Band before. I caught them back in some of their stuff, with the overall a very strong cult following, of which Atlas-era Battles with perhaps less of 2012, and I really didn’t enjoy it. It has changed. It’s still all a bit much. effect being absolutely sensational. I would definitely count myself. HOU the pop sensibility. It was definitely an was all a bit too much. Unrelentingly That’s not to say that it’s not enjoyable. Math rock at its best has all the Project are a London-based Japanese interesting watch, and I’m marking loud and fast, it didn’t have any of The excellent Titan is a definite technicality without sounding like promotions company who put on this lot down as one to watch. the subtlety or craft that makes this highlight. The slow build up to a jazzy, it. LITE have an uncanny knack for gigs by Japanese bands who might The next band on wereDelta Sleep. genre so rewarding to listen to. On mathy jam is a really great blend and it this. They make it sound so easy, otherwise struggle to come to Europe. They are very clearly a product of some levels, it almost seemed like a shows that they do have the potential when in reality, a copy of the sheet A friend and I went to an all-dayer they the excellent British math rock scene cartoonish parody of math rock. I may to write legitimately great music. music would make the vast majority put on a year or two ago (headlined by fathered by the likes of Colour and have also somewhat drunkenly and It’s just they don’t seem to utilise it of bands sob into their hands. It’s the incredible Toe), and it was one of This Town Needs Guns. Featuring certainly very snobbishly described properly the rest of the time. unbelievably complex, but it doesn’t the best days of music I’ve ever been vocals (a one off at this gig) and an them as Brontide for morons. The rest is the full-on balls-to-the- sound forced. The setlist was a great to. So, when we saw that they were extremely schizophrenic approach Seeing them live these days (or wall math rock I didn’t really like combination of old and new. With putting on another great Japanese to their musical style, they strongly listening to their 2013 EP, Horizons / first time around. Admittedly, the lots of old favourites such as Ef and math band, LITE, it was very hard to reminded me of Tubelord, although Rapture) will show you that not much absolutely phenomenal Abraxical the unbelievably dancey Infinite Solapse pulls it off by just being, well Mirror mixed in with tracks off the absolutely phenomenal. It definitely more electronic oriented new album Phoenix rise from the flames showcases the band’s real ability to Installation, they really showcased write great catchy, pulsating sections. their vast range of fantastic material. The fact it jams about 40 of them into An unexpected highlight was new Aiden Langan just over four minutes is a slight issue. album track Bond. Sounding like Toe Music Writer The real issue is the rest of the songs, on speed, it completely blew me away. where half of the upbeat sections aren’t Now, due to the very nature of math healthy mixture from catchy or pulsating. For me, great math rock, it is extremely difficult to dance all five albums, it rock has to ebb and flow. You should to. At any moment they can change was definitely a best have to wait through prettier, softer time signature or tempo and throw of Phoenix setlist sections to get to the exciting upbeat you completely off. To dance at a math at Brixton Academy stuff. It’s the context that makes the rock gig, in front of fellow math rock onA the 12th February. Starting with good bits in songs so good. Imagine a afficionados, is therefore a huge risk. Entertainment from their recent pop song that was just a long series of From the moment LITE hit the stage, album Bankrupt, the crowd went choruses, or a Black Sabbath song that nobody seemed to give a shit. There crazy from the start. This was was just intro riff after intro riff. You was dancing all over the shop. I’m understandable due to the fact that can’t just give people lots of the best talking wall to wall dancing. this was Phoenix’s first UK tour since bits, you have to ration them to give Everything was running late, and the Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix days them the full effect. the venue was literally so hot there (not counting their 2013 show in the I should probably say something was sweat dripping down the walls criminally small Shepherd’s Bush occurred during the ending of guests on. This was a moment which about the actual show they put on. It (I accidentally touched it at one Empire). Having been around 15 Sunskrupt! (a mixture of Love Like only involved Mars, Godin on piano was pretty good. A large proportion point and it was awful), and yet the years, this band has definitely built up the Sunset and Bankrupt) when a and one guitarist and was a beautiful of the crowd seemed to be enjoying atmosphere was what I can only to have an incredible live show. rare mistake occurred. The ending and again intimate moment. Their it a lot, and I can definitely appreciate describe as jubilant. Having a crowd Playing many hits from the Grammy seemed ruined as the guitarist and second guest was Sebastien Tellier they were doing what they do pretty singing along to a big chorus is winning Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix, bassist could not get the timing right who entered by sitting on a speaker well. The fact I find what they do quite pretty standard, but when you’ve got including Lasso and Lisztomania, but alas the guitarists stopped, came and, like Godin, played piano. It was tedious did put a bit of a damper on them singing along to instrumental the band seemed to have a lot of together and finished the song with an honour to hear Mars sing in French it though. math rock you’re onto a winner. It’s fun, despite the little amount of true style looking into each other and for once with some of Tellier’s songs. The headliners,LITE , really showed hard to describe what it is, but there conversation with the crowd. Regularly causing a great feeling of intimacy in Tellier ended his guestship with a the rest of the bands how it’s done. is something just overwhelmingly entering the crowd, vocalist Thomas the 5000-capacity academy. guitar solo from Funky Squaredance, Over the course of their hour and a happy about LITE’s music that really Mars caused regular stampedes from Crowd-favourite 1901 caused a personal favourite from Untitled, quarter long set they managed to be resonated with the crowd. the crowd to reach out for him. He did everyone to come closer to Mars again and Brixton went mad. I felt Tellier both beautiful and fragile, as well as It was a really special show to have this with what seemed like little care, due to his returning to his natural was slightly too obscure for the crowd crushingly heavy and overwhelmingly witnessed. Everybody in the venue but every so often you’d get a glimpse position, on the barrier with the but it was definitely a nice touch for joyous. This was the last date of their seemed to be ecstatic they were there. from him and the rest of the band that crowd, and Brixton continued to go Phoenix to do, who went way past European tour, and you could tell they I definitely was. showed they were having the time of mental. It seemed like a party which what needed to be done to make the their lives. would not end. But alas, the band left crowd not only happy but beaming They played through many hits the stage and the crowd screamed for with joy. which they have slowly built up over the return of this French band. The encore culminated in Mars the years and Too Young, from their They returned and played an eight- running around Brixton at the end first album Untitled, was a nice return song epic encore, which included a and crowd surfing back to the stage in to their origins and the mixture of huge disco ball for If I Feel Better, a reprise of Entertainment. A victory songs over their career was a nice Mars said it was “a dancing song” and lap for an incredible live show and a feeling, after seeing many bands who Brixton sure did dance. band who you need to see during the rarely play their oldest stuff. Nicolas Godin from Air entered for rare occurrence that they return to the The most magical moment Playground Love, an Air song Mars UK. 26 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: John Park FILM [email protected]

Best films of 2013 Not so monumental A smart talking dog

Michael Martin Treasured Writer Jack Steadman Treasured Writer 10. Zero Dark Thirty

9. The Secret Life of Walter Mitty The Monuments 8. Oblivion Men

7. Django Unchained Director: George Clooney Writers: George Clooney, Grant 6. Captain Phillips Heslov, Robert M. Edsel, Bret Witter Starring: George Clooney, Matt 5. The Selfish Giant Damon, Bill Murray, Jean Dujardin, Hugh Bonneville, Cate Blanchett, 4. Star Trek: Into Darkness John Goodman Runtime: 118 minutes 3. Le Week-End Certification: 12A

2. Filth

1. The World’s End

The opening of George Clooney’s latest directorial effort (which is also his latest acting, writing, producing, ture – how art – helps define a people and probably anything else you can and how destroying that destroys the think of job) achieves the interesting memory of those people is a powerful- feat of being somehow both incred- ly true one, but when coupled with the ibly evocative – not just of World War vague lack of seriousness that perme- II, but also of the whole generation of ates much of The Monuments Men it and I’ve seen a lot of shorts before war movies that followed – while also ends up feeling like background noise. Jack Steadman films at this point). being somewhat flat. It’s a weird feel- Then there’s the fact that all this is Treasured Writer From the chuckle-inducing opening ing, and – unfortunately – it’s one that accompanied by a complete lack of (weird short aside), the film manages persists for the majority of the film. nuance, and not just in the over-riding to maintain an impressively high gag It’s accompanied by the film’s habit message. This is an incredibly black- quotient for a film that’s been almost of feeling almost schizophrenic in and-white film, with no room to make exclusively billed as ‘for kids’, and a lot places, as if it’s not quite sure what any distinction between the fact that Mr Peabody & of the jokes are pretty smart at that – kind of film it wants to be. Things the Monuments Men and the Allies Sherman my personal favourite was an Oedipus start off as you’d expect (particularly are good, and the Nazis are bad. The joke tucked away in a quick-fire rattle if you’ve seen any of the trailers), all closest the film ever gets to adding in Director: Rob Minkoff through various quirky characters of blustering patriotism, inoffensive a shade of grey is by pulling off a weird Writers: Jay Ward, Craig Wright Greek mythology. It’s a disarmingly jokes and a healthy dose of camarade- mid-point shift in ‘who the enemy is’ Starring: (voices) Ty Burrell, Max sweet take on a significant chunk of rie – basic training actually prompts and instead adopting Cold War lean- Charles, Ariel Winters world history, serving that desirable a few laughs, which sounds like a re- ings, as the Russians become the en- Runtime: 92 minutes dual purpose teachers must adore: ally backhanded compliment now I emies for the protection of the stolen Certification: U educating and entertaining. think about it. Most of the humour art. It’s abrupt, jarring but does at There’s not really a large amount else falls a little flat – there aren’t really least make some sort of sense, lend- to say about this film, in all honesty – many actual laughs outside of basic, ing a rather strong ‘race against time’ that smart, quick sense of humour is even though there are clearly mo- element to proceedings that serves to easily the biggest attraction. The visu- ments where laughter is expected – pick up the pace from wherever it was als are good quality, but in these days and things such as the running ‘joke’ hiding in the first half of the movie. There are two things you should prob- that’s nothing to write home about, about Matt Damon’s character’s ap- That’s not to say it’s all bad – there ably know about the fact that Mr Pea- while the plot itself is pretty good but palling grasp of the French language is emotion, and nuance, to be found body & Sherman is a reboot/remake of is rather flagrantly an excuse to shoe- are smirk-worthy the first time and here, it’s just in the performances a kids’ TV show from years ago. The horn in as many parodies and histori- then almost immediately over-used rather than anything else. Continu- first: as you may have guessed for the cal jokes as humanly (caninely?) pos- and run into the ground. ing the recent trend of banking on the vague-ness of that last sentence, I have sible. It even squeezes in some rather And then the shooting starts. This charisma of an all-star cast, The Mon- absolutely no clue what the TV show obvious (and mildly weird in places) is a fairly bloodless war film (certainly uments Men does manage to produce was like other than it existed. So I’m sentimentality too, but even that’s jus- no Saving Private Ryan), but it still at- a few moments of genuine emotion, going in as blind as you possibly are tified by a cute Spartacus joke. It’s also tempts to make some efforts to show particularly one (all too short) scene here. The second: it’s completely irrel- apparently “more logical” than some the violence of war. It stumbles where with Bill Murray (although it pro- evant here. This is a film that demands other recent film, but I think I laughed Spielberg’s War Horse soared, but it ceeds to stomp all over that particu- to be taken on its own merits (which while scribbling down that particular does at least try. Unfortunately, when lar moment by cutting away to some is nice of it, I guess), and also one that comparison and it’s now just an il- coupled with the earlier attempts at random dying soldier we have quite totally deserves it. Any history you legible squiggle. So there you go. It’s comedy (attempts which continue in- literally never met before and so have need to know (Mr Peabody’s a talk- more logical than “psfhskgjsh”. What- between the fighting), it leaves the film no reason to care about other than ing, hyper-intelligent dog, Sherman is ever that is. feeling uneven, uncertain of whether the fact he’s dying), and you can’t help the human kid he adopted, we’re done That’s not an accurate transcription, it wants to maintain the light-hearted but care about the fates of the Monu- here) was either in those brackets or for the record. Obviously. tone or abandon it in favour of some- ments Men themselves, and will them is explained by Mr Peabody himself in Overall, then, Mr Peabody & Sher- thing altogether more serious. Cer- to succeed. a delightful little opening monologue man is just great. But it’s just that. tainly, the message (which is repeated It’s just a pity that the rest of the film (which is, for the record, preceded by An entertaining romp through his- approximately fifty million times can’t live up to its cast. what is quite possibly the most surreal tory with enough to entertain kids and throughout the film) about how cul- short I have ever seen before a film, grown-up kids alike. FRIDAY 28 FEB 27

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FelixImperial FILM

This is a maaaaaaaaaaaaaan’s world

gay man who is a yearly visitor to Like its contemporary Blue is the Fred Fyles the beach. On his first day he notices Warmest Colour, Stranger by the Lake Treasured Writer Henri (Patrick D’Assumçao), a portly has come under fire from some par- man who sits alone, far away from the ties about nudity that could be seen others on the beach; he strikes up a as gratuitous. However, the focus of friendly conversation, only to find out the film is never on the sex, explicit Stranger by the Lake that Henri is there because his girl- though it may be, but is instead about friend just left him, and that he is in the tension; tensions between Franck Director: Alain Guiraudie no way whatsoever there for ‘cruising’. and Michel, between the gay com- Writer: Alain Guiraudie However, Henri turns out to be far less munity and the authorities, between Starring: Pierre Deladonchamps, enigmatic than Michel (Christophe nature and man. While undoubt- Christophe Paou, Patrick d’Assumçao Paou), a tall, dark adonis who rocks edly slotting into the Queer Cinema Runtime: 97 minutes a 70s-esque porn tasche. He catches canon, Stranger by the Lake eschews Certification: 18 Franck’s eye, who attempts to follow the tropes shown by many other him into the woods, only to find that films centred around similar topics. It he is already involved with someone; makes an interesting companion piece With perhaps the notable exception later that night Franck overhears an to William Friedkin’s 1980 film Cruis- of ‘literally’, it is difficult to think of a argument, and spies Michel drown- ing, in which Al Pacino immerses word in the English language that is ing his lover in the lake. Rather than himself in the New York S&M scene used so extensively and erroneously go straight to the police, Franck fights in order to catch a homophobic serial as ‘Hitchcockian’. A word that actu- an interior battle between fear and killer; while Cruising, despite sharing ally applies to a very certain set of lust, with the latter eventually win- many of the same themes as Stranger criteria, used extensively by the great ning out. But when an inspector ar- by the Lake, acted as an indictment of Alfred Hitchcock in his innumerable rives a few days later we are plunged the gay community, Guiraudie man- films, has now become so diluted as to into a tightly wound drama; a matter ages to create a work that explores the have lost its meaning. An icy blonde? of life-or-death dangers cruising can pose, while nev- Hitchcockian. A false accusation? Guiraudie is a master of tension. er criticising the practice. In fact, the Hitchcockian. Any hint of tension? Shooting the lake in long, languid sexuality of the characters becomes So Hitchcockian. This makes is all the shots, he eschews the short, snappy almost peripheral, so much so that the more refreshing to use the word to editing favoured by many directors inspector’s bemusement at the notion describe Alain Guiraudie’s latest film who attempt to make thrillers. The of two men spending a day having Stranger by the Lake, a shimmering results are dramatic, and we are left sex in the bushes without asking each mirage of tension, deceit, and dan- with the feeling that at any time the other their names seems jarring, and ger, that fully deserves the moniker of peaceful images could come crashing reminds one that even in such an idyl- ‘Hitchcockian’. down around us. The action is con- lic setting the shadow of homophobia Taking place at an idyllic lake in the fined to three locations: the car park, cannot be escaped. south of France, Stranger by the Lake the woods, and the lake. What was In Stranger, Guiraudie creates an unfolds over the course of ten con- once a sunny ideal suddenly becomes expertly balanced thriller, full to the secutive days; men swim in the water, sweltering, and the audience is left brim with danger and erotic tension; sunbathe, and go off to have furtive perspiring in the oppressive heat. The meticulously shot, Guiraudie puts us sex in the bushes. Guiraudie estab- camera, like Franck, is trapped, and into the role of voyeur, much like the lishes the setting as a tranquil oasis; a this feeling of claustrophobia is trans- young men watching each other in new Eden just down the road from St. ferred to the viewer. Another interest- the woods. Subtle but intense perfor- Tropez. But things are not quite right, ingly subversive move by Guiraudie is mances from the leads, especially De- and there is a threat that hangs over the lack of a soundtrack; rather than ladonchamps, whose inner turmoil is the paradise far more insidious than rely on stabbing strings to let us know perfectly pitched, underpin this star- unprotected sex, or the 15 foot silurus when the drama is occurring, we are tling drama that is guaranteed to keep that supposedly lurks in the depths: a left with just the sounds of the lake: audiences on the edge of their seats. killer is on the loose, and after a body rustling of trees, splashing of water, Stranger is worth seeing for the final turns up in the lake the film takes a and the wafting wind. These build up five minutes alone, in which Guiraud- sharp left-turn into thriller territory. an atmosphere of extreme tension, but ie provides a deliciously ambiguous We follow the story of Franck at the same time remain magnificently end scene that’s still playing in my (Pierre Deladonchamps), a young subtle. mind. A true masterclass of cinema. 28 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: John Park FILM [email protected] Lars von Trier: Danish troublemaker christ. Joe (now played in flashbacks Fred Fyles by Gainsbourg) begins lesions with Treasured Writer a sadist called K, who is played with a fearsomely cold brutality by Jamie Bell; christened Fido, Joe is subject to skin-breaking whippings, humiliation, Nymph()maniac and beatings with coin-filled gloves. Parts I + II Throughout the film we are subjected to such explicit imagery that by about Director: Lars von Trier an hour in footage of unsimulated sex Writer: Lars von Trier fails to even stimulate a gasp, but I Starring: Charlotte Gainsbourg, Shia found the scenes with K actually very LaBeouf, Uma Thurman, Jamie Bell difficult to watch, showing that von Runtime: 241 minutes Trier is still able to shock. The film Certification: 18 never quite becomes this dark after the exit of K, but also never gets back the same energy; the second half feels Nymphomaniac, the latest offering more sluggish, and the direction von from Danish enfant terrible Lars von Trier seems to be taking us becomes Trier, touched down in London last unclear. A surprise ending is enough Saturday with a special ‘One-Night to spice up the final five minutes, but Stand’ screening of both Parts I and it is difficult to make up for the hour II. The film has left a trail of carefully that precedes it. planned controversy in its wake; still his last film Melancholia with images of the oddest odd-couple relationships it peaks, and where is falls down. Part It is an oft-quoted claim that every smarting from his 2011 Cannes con- of the end of the world, and the one seen on screen. I is lighter, more energetic, and, sur- character in a von Trier film is some troversy, in which he mentioned that before that – the incredibly contro- Seligman, an asexual academic, prisingly, genuinely funny; it’s not facet of Lars’ personality; with any he had sympathies with Hitler, von versial Antichrist – with a slow mo- seemingly has little interest in the the usual kind of humour that von other director this might seem far- Trier took a ‘Vow of Silence’ with tion sequence in which a couple have minutiae of Joe’s sexual conquests, in- Trier uses, which mainly comprises of fetched, but von Trier seems to be able regards to the media, appearing in unsimulated sex while their infant son stead interrupting her with complete- shock tactics that amount to a visual to contain both the geeky innocence promotional material with duct-tape falls to his death. This uncertainty ly random observations; after telling ‘fuck you’, but instead is naturally witty of Seligman and the proudly sexual over his mouth. Those who were wor- lasts all of three minutes, until we see him how she lost her virginity – three and tongue-in-cheek. Newcomer Sta- nature of Joe simultaneously. So what ried that this meant that the director’s Joe (Charlotte Gainsbourg), lying face thrusts from the front, then five from cy Martin gives a solid performance as is he trying to say with this film? To- trademark mischievous nature would down in the snow with blood trickling behind – he exclaims “three and five, Young Joe, conveying a sense of un- wards the end he (somewhat need- not extend to the marketing of the film down her face, and the heavy chords those are Fibonacci numbers!” These emotional numbness emphasised by lessly) spells out the ‘message’ behind needn’t have worried (after all, this is a of Rammstein seem to scream: ‘Yeah. interludes continue throughout the laconic body language, while LaBeouf his film; Joe’s behaviour is condemned man who had FUCK tattooed on his This is the right film’. film, covering topics as diverse as gives a quite frankly bizarre perfor- because she is a woman, and it is the knuckles several decades after exit- What follows is a four-hour epic, in fly-fishing and Bach’s musical struc- mance as Jerôme, Joe’s first love. In misogynistic world that has brought ing adolescence): in the run-up to the which Joe is discovered by an Selig- tures, as Joe becomes more and more any other film LaBeouf’s dodgy accent about Joe’s downfall. While this seems release we have been witness to the man, an elderly amiable gentleman incredulous, at one point telling him and constantly pained face would be to make the film some kind of femi- development of the double bracket () played by Stellan Skarsgård; after be- “that was your weakest digression utterly jarring, but in Nymphoma- nist manifesto, it doesn’t quite seem logo, entertained with the idea of a ing warned by Joe to not phone an yet”; while these odd interludes may niac there is so much going on that to ring true; Joe’s refusal to describe ‘softcore’ and ‘hardcore’ version, and ambulance – or even worse, the police sound grating on paper, in actual fact this seems to be completely normal. herself as a ‘sex addict’, instead choos- seen the orgasm faces of Charlotte – he can do little more than invite her they act as welcome relief from the However, the standout performance ing the term Nymphomaniac with Gainsbourg, Shia LaBeouf, and Uma in for a cup of tea. Caught off-guard by unrelentingly bleak nature of Joe’s sto- in the first half, and indeed the entire pride, plays into what, to me at least, Thurman, among others. But for all his gentle demeanor, Joe lets her guard ry, which is split into eight chapters. film, is Uma Thurman, who plays a can only be seen as a male fantasy, and these cheeky, flirty adverts dreamed down, and begins to tell him the story This narrative structure and break- jilted wife with a hysterical politeness, seems to limit the power of the film. up by ad-men, what von Trier actually of her life – a life as a nymphomaniac. down of the fourth wall help confirm asking Young Joe whether she could As a work of art, Nymphomaniac is in- presents is one of the least-sexy, frank- Charting a course from her first or- von Trier as a master of metafilm, “show the children the Whoring Bed.” credibly well done, combining striking ly off-putting films in recent years; it is gasm, which occurred spontaneously, something which is reinforced by While Thurman is only on screen for images with controversial topics, and about as erotic as sandpapering walls. accompanied with a vision of the the location of the film; shot in Bel- about ten minutes, it is this scene that a heavy dose of genuine humour that The introduction to the film is un- Whore of Babylon, through the loss gium and Germany, the action takes remains in my mind long after the film more than makes up for its occasional characteristically understated, be- of her virginity, and finally to the de- place exclusively in ‘Lars-land’, a sur- is over. dips in quality. But as a manifesto, it ginning with a blank screen and the struction of everything she ever held real amalgamation of Northern Euro- As we move onto Part II things take seems contradictory, unaccessible, sound of water trickling. Are we in dear in the pursuit of an insatiable sex- pean states where people use pound a left-turn, into much darker territory and downright bizarre – perhaps a bit a von Trier film? After all, he began drive, Joe and Seligman build up one notes, live in Scandinavian houses, familiar to those who have seen Anti- like Lars von Trier himself. and speak in a strained range of ac- cents – the most notable of which is Shia LaBeouf’s, which ends up sound- ing like Dick van Dyke directed by Jane Campion. These factors serve to sever the tethers the film has to the real world, giving it a kind of surreal quality; while not quite a nightmare, it is certainly a fever-dream, coated in a malarial sheen. The production is, quite literally, a film of two halves, split in twain to avoid a bloated 4-hour mess. While this makes sense when watching the films separately, when one sees the film as a whole it is easy to see where FRIDAY 28 FEB 29

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FelixImperial FILM Lars von Trier: Danish troublemaker

John Park Film Editor

Dogville

Director: Lars von Trier Writer: Lars von Trier Starring: Nicole Kidman, Paul Bettany, Patricia Clarkson, Stellan Skarsgård, Lauren Bacall Runtime: 178 minutes Certification: 15

For someone who directs his leading actresses so well, Dogville is most cer- tainly one of his best, most intriguing works to date. We are introduced to Grace (Kidman), a woman with a mys- terious past and emotional baggage who stumbles upon a small Ameri- can village. The residents there ap- pear friendly enough when she passes by, but it’s a whole different story as she tries to integrate herself into their small, well-built, tight society. They stage is painted with black, white, grey ters who showed faith and sympathy to Dogville. Bettany, who starts off are not fond of change, and a ran- and the occasional brown, being set in towards Grace, as the film progresses, as a friend of Grace, is the voice and dom inclusion of an obvious outsider an abandoned silver mine, the colour turn into enemies. But this change persuader of Dogville. He sways the doesn’t sit too comfortably with some choices seem sensible, and we know is never forced, which is something people’s emotions, so if you cross him, of the village people. Especially when that despite Grace’s best efforts, her von Trier excels in. Nothing feels un- which Grace of course does (not in a it is revealed that Grace is somehow happy days among this grim looking natural or too contrived. His storytell- vindictive way of course – there is a wanted by gun-wielding gangsters. village will not last long. ing skills, although it takes a while, is series of misunderstandings, painful Her presence poses danger, but thanks Where does it all go wrong for a deep and enriching experience to miscommunication and a blow to his to the helpful Tom (Paul Bettany) who Grace? It starts to go downhill as eve- fully soak up, as we can examine the ego), the consequences will be severe. instantly has some sort of protective ryone begins to realise what the cost slow development of relationships Despite its hefty running time, Dog- and emotional feelings towards the of hiding Grace will be. The police that Grace forms with the residents ville is filled with moments to treasure. modest lady, she is allowed to stay in are constantly putting up flyers with of Dogville. Human connection is not It’s a true success in experimental film return for doing chores for the villag- her face and name on them, and they built in seconds but days, weeks and making with all of von Trier’s gambles ers, which she does happily. After all, are being insistent that she is a dan- months. And this is shown with re- paying off perfectly. The loud, violent she is running away from something gerous. They feel she should do more straint and von Trier is not afraid to crescendo of the final act will bring that sounds quite violent and dodgy, work. She complies. But she’s human take his time with drawing as many about all sorts of conflicting emotions, the least she can do is to participate in and she is capable of making mis- engaging sub-plots as he can. ranging from relief, horror, sadness the community. takes. Even the tiniest mistakes don’t And what a fascinating cast he man- and possibly guilt. It’s a challenging From the opening sequence it be- sit well with the already highly tense aged to end up with. Kidman, whose watch, but an immensely rewarding comes painfully apparent that Dogville and alert group of people. Tension weak, tired presence alone shrieks the one, with a stunning cast who sadly is one risky picture from a director who rises. Sexually frustrated men start word ‘victim,’ is further able to effec- went unappreciated in many awards, has the well-deserved reputation of making advances on the poor, helpless tively stir up sympathy without being directed by a man whose often contro- being the ‘enfant terrible’ of European woman. Can Grace fight off a butch an overly dumb or naïve stereotype. versial, odd remarks have put people Cinema. Split into nine long chapters man? Hardly. She gives in, and is given But it’s also the frightening supporting off even before they sit down to watch including a prologue, the film sums up the cold shoulder from the women of turns who brew the uneasy ambiance one of his films. Dogville is a unique in just under three hours, in which the the village. The men only view her as of Dogville. Lauren Bacall, playing and powerful film that looks at a com- ever-so fragile and pale looking Kid- a sexual object. What a downfall – to the role of Ma Ginger, a local shop- munity’s dynamic in the most brutal man goes through all sorts of horrible go from a cleaner one day to a serially keeper who seems to be a nice old and uncomfortable way – and yes, ordeals, just for wanting to fit in. As if raped victim who has no one to turn lady with a big heart, shows that she it’s not pleasant to see so many hu- the film is set on stage, von Trier takes to. And von Trier still won’t admit this is made of steel if needs be. Patricia man beings portrayed like monsters a bold move in hardly including any is a depressing film. Clarkson, a reserved-looking friendly on screen. But then again, if enough erect set pieces. So no doors, no street Just what is Grace hiding? After a neighbour, has a dark and vengeful people come together and a deep dark marks, no grass, just a lamp post and a while, it ceases to matter, as we are all side who participates in one of the crisis hits, who wouldn’t show a hint few scattered walls to signal the pres- so caught up in the spiraling drama most heartbreaking scenes in the film. of selfish survival instinct in desper- ence of houses. The opening of doors, she finds herself in. Within minutes Stellan Skarsgård, playing Clarkson’s ate situations? It’s a cynical view of acted out by all the actors, with sound she is the most hated person in the vil- husband, is one of the many men who course, but that’s what von Trier is all perfectly matched to the film’s action, lage, and at one point in the film, she pushes himself onto Grace. His sleazy, about: digging out the cynics inside us it feels like we’re watching a play, and finds herself in shackles. She tried to creepy performance has an unpre- all, portraying the world in the most a darkly bleak one at that as well. The run away, you see. Even the charac- dictable twist that adds more horror negative, but oddly plausible light. 30 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editors: John Park, Emily Fulham TELEVISION [email protected] Tom Rivlin’s Cartoon Corner

– watching Archer and Lana (one of the few ‘competent’ characters) throw Archer snark and bile at each other whilst be- ing shot at by drug lords and terrorists and KGB agents and space pirates oh Cartoons aren’t just for kids. Hope- my simply never gets old. fully this should be common knowl- The time period in which the show edge by now, thanks to shows like is set is described as ‘comically anach- Family Guy and South Park. Archer is ronistic’ – they make 21st century ref- a show that is definitely not for kids. erences and have mobile phones and It’s a show about an ‘elite’ group of the internet, but the Cold War is still secret agents working for an organi- going on, they all wear 60s fashion and sation called ISIS, who go on exciting their computers look like the bastard missions to exotic locations across the lovechildren of the BBC Micro and a globe. Don’t be fooled by the premise, Macintosh 128K. That’s all without though, as Archer is most definitely mentioning the sci-fi elements like cy- a comedy, and all of the antics and borgs and holograms (mostly thanks hijinks of the ISIS agents are played to the mad scientist Krieger, whose 100% for laughs, and they’re crass, frequent defiance of all laws of man rude and funny as hell. and God in furtherance of his hubris Refreshingly, despite ostensibly be- and pursuit of knowledge is frequently ing a show about superspies, most of played for laughs, whilst being kept the drama and plots revolve around just mysterious enough to be continu- the office life of the secret agents. ously funny). The Cold War setting is, Only two of the characters (including of course, all but essential for a good the eponymous Stirling Archer) be- spy vs. spy show, and the show makes gin the series as qualified field agents good use of it, with Malory, for ex- (from what I can tell) – the rest of the ample, having a very long-term affair cast is comprised of the secretary, the with the head of the KGB. (He could blind to the poorly disguised alien head of HR, the accountant, the intel- even be Archer’s father!) among them, slaves to their corporate ligence analyst, the mad scientist who The show recently returned for a Invader Zim overlords and to societal pressures, definitely isn’t a Nazi in hiding who fifth season, and it’s turning out to ignorant of any existence beyond TV has an anime hologram wife and, of be quite different – it has the title and fast food. It’s an oppressively cyn- course, Archer’s mother, Malory, the Archer: Vice, because it’s a more self- Invader Zim is definitely one of those ical and bleak outlook that the show head of ISIS. (Mommy issues, much?) contained arc about the ISIS agents ‘cult classic’ shows. It ran for two sea- presents, and yet one can’t help but This is where the show really shines, selling (literally) a ton of cocaine. It sons on Nickelodeon about 13 years feel drawn in by it and agreeing with it too. All of the office characters are seems like the show is playing to its ago, with minimal ratings, dodgy to a large extent. It’s an effective use of well developed and very quirky, and strengths with this premise, as all of timeslots, and a cult following that exaggeration for both comedic effect Archer is at its funniest when all of the ISIS employees are pitching in persists to this day. But you know how and to prove a point. these completely insane characters are to the effort, even if it’s in their own it is with sci-fi cult classic TV shows The show is also infused with a won- just messing around in the office being ‘special’ way. The majority of the that ran for like two episodes in the derful hyperactive energy; watching themselves. That isn’t to say that the show is on Netflix, so go watch it. early 2000s before being cancelled – an episode is like being injected with mission plots aren’t entertaining too GOGOGOGOGOGOGOGOGO. the fans just never shup up! pure sugar. It isn’t just great for kids So, the plot: bug-eyed, green alien – it makes you feel like a kid again. Zim is sent to Earth by the mighty That said, it can also be incredibly Tallest of the Irken Empire, along with dark. One episodes ends with Zim his faithful robot sidekick, to infiltrate removing a child’s eyes and replacing it in preparation for its invasion... or so them with robotic ones, which we are Zim thinks. In reality, he’s been sent to shown through shadows. It may be sil- Earth to keep him out of trouble be- houetted, but what he’s doing is very cause he’s so incompetent. They didn’t clear from what we can see. The show even bother to load the robot sidekick may have been on Nickelodeon, but it with a brain (which in this universe definitely had an Adult Swim vibe to translates to him being really stupid). it, and it’s clear why Nick wanted this Upon arrival on Earth, he successfully show axed ASAP: unlike the other infiltrates the local school (this is the cartoon in this week’s corner, it was kind of show where school is spelled meant to be for kids. “Skool”) with only contact lenses as a Zim was cancelled after 27 episodes, disguise (the green skin is a ‘skin con- but a cult following still exists. There dition’, of course). The only human were some episodes that were record- who sees through his act is a budding ed but never animated, and there’s paranormal investigator, a classmate even been fan attempts to animate called Dib. Dib is, of course, called them themselves after the recordings crazy for believing Zim is an alien. were released, showing the dedica- Invader Zim was created by Jhonen tion they have to the show. Zim was Vasquez, who is mostly known for one dark, cynical, exciting and hilarious other work – a comic called Johnny the (for a given sense of humour), and it Homicidal Maniac, which should tell left its mark on animation. (Even if for you all you need to know about him, no other reason than one storyboard really. Vasquez clearly despises the artist was Bryan Koneitzko, who used human race. All of the humans (except the connections he made on the show for Dib and his sister, Gaz) in the show to pitch Avatar: The Last Airbender to are shown to be incredibly stupid – Nick...) FRIDAY 28 FEB 31

@feliximperial

FelixImperial TELEVISION Tasty treats and Norse heroes Emily Fulham on this week’s return of two fan favourites

on revenge against Hannibal, slowly starts to regain his sanity. Hannibal Expect to see several new characters as well, including Mason Verger, one of Hannibal’s patients. Viewers of the ne of last year’s Hannibal film will recognise the name surprise breakout as the role played by Gary Oldman, af- hits, Hannibal, ter his relationship with Hannibal has returns to NBC ended drastically badly. Some favour- on 28th February ites from the minor characters will O(unfortunately, no UK release date has return too, such as Gillian Anderson been announced). After premiering as Bedelia du Maurier, Hannibal’s psy- to shaky viewing numbers and little chotherapist, who surprisingly may media attention, the show turned out turn out be the something of an ally to to be one of the best things on TV in Will Graham. 2013, and has since built up a huge If the first series is anything to go fanbase eager for its return. Added by, we can expect more stellar acting to this is the fact that the first series from Mads Mikkelson as everyone’s ended in a seriously tense finale, with favourite cannibal, managing to strike Special Agent Will Graham behind the perfect balance between menace bars accused of the murders that and sophistication while making far Hannibal committed, and you’ve got too many puns about cannibalism for all the ingredients for one of the most suspicions not to arise. Hugh Dancy feverishly anticipated returns to TV is also magnificent in his portrayal this year. of Will Graham, whose slow spiral From what we’ve seen and heard into madness was the most gripping expects this could get more complicat- flower crowns on pictures of the cast flesh, the scent of neverending despair about the second series, the tension thing about the show. Now behind ed with an imprisoned main character, in an effort to lighten up the tension, as one slowly goes insane?) isn’t about to let up any time soon. In bars, Will’s attempt to convince others but no doubt there’ll still be plenty for actor Hugh Dancy gamely wore a The only real complaint about the a perfectly executed move to heighten of his innocence will depend on him FBI agent Jack Crawford and the rest flower crown of his own when appear- first series was that it took a few epi- anticipation, NBC released footage keeping a tight grip on his sanity and of the team to do (figuring out that ing on a question and answer panel sodes to get into its stride, but from from a scene in the first episode fea- a clear head to avoid succumbing to Hannibal rhymes with cannibal would with fans. More recently, it was an- what we’ve seen so far, that’s a mistake turing a knife fight between two of the more of Hannibal’s manipulations. be a good start). nounced that a range of merchandise that seems to have been rectified this main characters. The trailer for the se- It remains to be seen if the second In spite of the show being extremely is planned to be released in connec- time around. With another thirteen ries also promises even more drama, series will follow the more familiar dark, both the fans and the show run- tion to the show, including, bizarrely episode season to look forward to, as Hannibal is investigated follow- killer-of-the-week format that its first ners seem to have a sense of humour. enough, a selection of perfume (some Hannibal promises to be one of the ing Will’s arrest, while Will, hell-bent series at least partially followed; one After fans started photoshopping possible scent ideas: blood, human TV highlights this spring.

the news that Ragnar’s infidelity has ligion will continue in the new series, resulted in his mistress’s pregnancy as Athelstan struggles with his Chris- Vikings won’t be going down well with his tian faith and becomes immersed in wife, Lagertha (and as a shieldmaiden, the rituals of Norse mythology. she’s definitely not a woman you want One of the most spectactular things ikings was the History to get on the wrong side of). Travis about the show is its cinematography, Channel’s answer to Fimmel, who plays Ragnar, is a rela- and yet surprisingly the vast majority Game of Thrones, with tively unknown actor who has proven of outdoor locations were filmed in a drastically smaller his merit in a weighty role. Occasion- Ireland (another way in which Vikings budget and fewer ally reminiscent of a young Brad Pitt, is hopping on the Game of Thrones dragonsV (OK, no dragons). It still it’s likely that this could lead to big bandwagon). Nonetheless, scenes of had its appeal though, telling the things for the actor, who was also a fjords, mountains, and longships bat- story of a group of Viking warriors’ high-profile model for Calvin Klein tling across the ocean are stunning. first raid across to England. The before taking the jump into acting. For a show that’s broadcast on the main character, Ragnar Lothbrook, Meanwhile, it remains to be seen if History Channel, Vikings takes a lot of is a legendary character from Norse Ragnar’s relationship with his brother liberties with historical accuracy, but tales, famous for being the scourge Rollo can ever be repaired, now that it’s entertaining enough to be a minor of France and England. On his first Rollo has allied himself with Ragnar’s concern. There’s enough blood and raid to the monastery of Lindisfarne, rival, the warrior chieftain Jarl Borg. gore to appease any Game of Thrones Ragnar brings back with him a monk, There’s also been some heavy hints fans, although notably fewer gratui- Athelstan, as a slave for him and his dropped about Athelstan’s journey in tous sex scenes (which may be a good family, and much of the first series series two. Actor George Blagden was or bad thing, depending on your point followed Athelstan’s acclimatisation to quoted as saying that “Athelstan goes of view). It may not be so grand in the unfamiliar environment of Viking through more change in one and a half scope, but there’s still plenty for fans life. seasons than Walter White does in to sink their teeth into. Season two picks up a full four years five,” with the former monk making a With more battles, love triangles, after the events of season one, which transition into full-blown warrior and and family tensions ahead, the sec- ended with Ragnar’s family torn lots of references to an as-of-yet un- ond series looks set to hit the ground apart following his daughter’s death, specified ‘dark turn’ for the character running. For anyone is looking to fill the betrayal of his wife, and an alli- in the first half of the series. Nonethe- the gap in epic fantasy drama, Vikings ance against his brother. Presumably, less, the monk’s questioning of his re- might be an ideal choice. 32 FRIDAY 28 FEB

CATNIP [email protected] Ask Annie, your friendly Agony Aunt

gony Aunt Annie Help! I recently broke up with my long- Help! My lab partner has really bad Whiteley is the term girlfriend, and we’re trying to be BO. He’s a really good lab partner Annie’s advice that woman who friends, but I’m still wishing that we otherwise, but it makes working in a fought for women’s might get back together. I want to move confined area with him really difficult. Imperial sorely needs cloakroom facilities on and try and meet someone else, but How can I gently suggest to him that atA Imperial, and thus is qualified I’m scared to do anything that might he needs to shower a little more often? How to break up with someone to solve all your problems. jeopardise my chances of getting back Nauseated in Neasden (without being a dick about it) with my ex. What should I do? Hopeful in Holburn If you had this problem, you’d want to know about it, so it’s good that 1. Do it face to face As I wrote last week, it’s rarely a good you want to say something to him. Unless you’re in a different country, or want to just get it idea to get back with an ex. Although While he might not appreciate it over with in the heat of the moment (because, for example, it can be hard to completely let go of so much at first, he will thank you you just found out that they were fucking your best friend), an old relationship and finally move for it eventually. Try and make What you should always wait until you can meet face to face to on, if you’re starting to think about it seem like it’s a new thing, like important break up with someone, out of respect for them, and your relationships, you’ve gone most of the you’re mentioning it as soon as advice relationship. way towards moving on. If you haven’t it’s happened, to minimise his gotten back together by this point, embarrassment. It’s alright to play it should 2. Be honest the reasons that you broke up are down, but don’t make too much of a Annie They’ll want the chance to argue their case, but don’t waver valid, and you probably won’t. Bite the joke about it, or he might not realise dish out here. Stay on task, and honestly explain to them why you’re bullet and approach someone new, that you’re being serious. ending the relationship. In order for them to get over it, you might be surprised how much next they will need to know why it’s over, and you don’t want to Help! My parents told me last week better it’ll make you feel. week? have to explain this to them over and over again. By doing that they’re getting divorced. I feel Help! My housemates have started Email this honestly the first time, you save yourself a lot of time really helpless because I can’t go back planning where they want to live next and pain dragging things up time and time again. home to see them, and I’m dreading Help! I’ve been using Tinder a lot year, and it’s assumed that we’ll live any ideas going home for the holidays, because lately, and I’ve been talking to a guy together next year, wherever we go. to the 3. Stay friends everything will be different. I feel really who wants to meet up. I really like him, But I’m fed up of living with them, and address At least throughout the awkward division of assets, you guilty that I can’t be there for my but I used a fake picture on my profile while I’m happy to put up with them should try and remain friends. You’ll find it really difficult parents, but I don’t know what I’d say so I don’t know how I can ever actually until the end of the year, how do I tell below! to immediately cut off your dependence on them anyway, to them anyway. What should I do? meet him. What can I do? them that I don’t want to live with so for a while, you can try and gradually wean yourself off End of an Era in Embankment Deceitful in Denmark Hill them next year? them. It shows that you can be mature about it as well, so Leaving in Limehouse any petty hard feelings won’t get aired in front of all your It’s always tough when your parents It depends how different the picture friends. split up, but as a mature adult, you you chose is. If you’re a bit Ugly Betty It’s important to let them know that should be able to see that if they’ve and you’ve chosen J.Lo, you might be you don’t want to live with them next 4. Ignore them (work the double peaks) made this decision, it’s probably for able to get away with pretending that year before they make any serious Once you’ve got all the practicalities of the breakup out the best. By making this decision it’s just exceptional lighting. If you’ve plans. If you don’t tell them, they’ll of the way, you need to take some time away from them. when you’re away, they’re probably chosen a photo of Paris Hilton, even a only find out through the grapevine This space will allow you to get over them and recover from trying to minimise any impact that blonde dye job isn’t going to make that from the other people you’re planning the relationship in your own time. Every time you speak the practicalities of separating have convincing. If you can get away with on living with. You don’t have to tell to them, you’ll set back the process of getting over them. on you, you don’t have to see it to the it, try sending him some pictures that them that you don’t like living with Eventually, you might be able to be friends with them, and bitter end. While you might feel like are halfway between the fake one and them; pitch it as you really wanting to your level of contact can increase again. For now, you need you need to support them, they’ve you, and then gradually change them live with the other people. If you let to leave it be. decided to do it this way, and you have to real pictures of you before you meet them know now, they can’t be angry to accept that if they need anything up. If you don’t think that’s believable, that you’ve inconvenienced them, and from you, they will ask for it. If you feel you can either confess and hope he it will be a much nicer atmosphere for like you need to talk to them about it likes you enough to think it’s funny, or the remaining time than if they found though, you need to bring it up with just leave it, put a real photo on your out another way. them yourself. Tinder, and find someone else. Send Annie your problems and suggestions at [email protected] Annie’s Lonely Hearts

Feeling lonely? We all know that it’s hard to meet people at Imperial, so Aunt Annie wants to make it a bit easier for you. If you’re looking for a special someone, missed a connection, or want to let someone know how you feel, send a message to [email protected] and maybe you’ll find a match here. Responses to the lonely kint PhD student seeks ong-single female is looking someone to take her for for a real man (or an engineer) he V from our enizen of a certain bsolutely average coffee, dinner, or any to take home to her parents. Valentine’s issue landlocked country heighted Mechanical sustenance providing Should be polite enough so and the mystery very much intrigued Engineer willing to alternative. Excellent that they’ll approve, and DIY respondent are by romance. Indeed film it all for last week’s Scompany will be provided in exchange Lskills are a bonus. I’ve spent a long finally going to go you could say that I am attractive female. If for nourishment. If it goes well, willing time looking in the wrong places, why Ton their date to see The Dyour white shining knight, and I do you’reA lucky I’ll wear the grey coat for to go Dutch next time. not come to me? Lego Movie this weekend know how to treat my queen right! you, just the coat. Not quite sure on – hopefully I’ll be able to Furthermore my passion to score the Metric Moment, but provided we tell you how it went next (goals) is unparalleled! don’t end up in coitus corner I’ll try it. See something you like? Send us an email and we’ll pass it week! on. Let Annie help you get lucky in love.

34 FRIDAY 28 FEB

Editor: Nida Mahmud CLUBS & SOCS [email protected] City and Guilds Time to hack away Week impending Got an idea that might change the world or a new user experience? Have you thought about hackathons?

Carol Ann Cheah CGCU Honorary Secretary Marily Nika Imperial Women in Computing

GCU, the engineering constituent union, are hackathon is a weekend kicking off their inaugural long burst of creative C&G Week this coming energy! It can be a mix Monday. From the 3rd till of app development, Cthe 7th of March they’ll be hosting a product design, variety of mini-games on the Queen’s makingA prototypes, building software Lawn every lunchtime (excluding and solving cool problems. Basically Wednesday). Engineers will have the it involves bringing something useful chance to win participation points for all you have to do is turn up to the or cool into the world! This can be a their department, with daily prizes on Queen’s Lawn at 12pm on each game product, service, or even artwork, offer for the department that racks up day (excluding Tug of War, where there are lots of different kinds of Paul Clarke/paulclarke.com the most points for each day’s event. signing-up instructions will be sent hackathons. Such events are open to A free bar night is up for grabs for the out by your friendly neighbourhood coders of all kinds and levels, being Last year, I organised the UK’s first 8-9th) for both male and female overall winning department. reps.) See you there! allowed to unleash their creativity on female-only student hackathon at students which will allow everyone to The event is a chance for engineers anything they could imagine. Facebook London, this article might get their hands on devices like Google to catch a bit of mid-term fun and Monday: Remoter Control Why should you attend? Because give you a taste of what that experience Glass, Pebbles, Fitbits and much more. get to know some of their fellow Helicopter Races it’s an unforgettable experience and was like: http://bit.ly/N79asz. There will also be an 1-hour coursemates/faculty-mates – but of Tuesday: Space Hopper Races probably the most productive 24 There is student hackathon“Introduction to Hackathons” session course, non-engineers are welcome to Thursday: Shooting Range + Bar hours you will ever have... you will happening on 7-9 March – 7 March on 5 March in Huxley 340 (no need to spectate! Night make friends; and who knows, maybe is ideation, devices and team building sign up for this). To participate in any of the games, Friday: Oculus Rift + Tug Of War build the next most downloaded app! session, the actual hackathon the We cannot wait to see you all there!

WIN Monday 3 March an iPod Touch and Beats by Dr Dre headphones PrivatePrivate HousingHousing EveningEvening on the night for life after halls

join us for tips and advice on:

t moving out of halls t rent and other costs t when and where to start looking t understanding contracts t your rights as a tenant t safety and security there are also exclusive opportunities to meet estate agents, private halls and other accommodation service providers

16.30 - Exhibition opens in Queen’s Tower Rooms 18.00 - Presentation begins in Great Hall @icstudenthub #phe 19.00 - Exhibition continues with FREE prize draw www.imperial.ac.uk/accommodation FRIDAY 28 FEB 35

Puzzles Commanders: Kingshuk Dasadhikari, Oliver Price PUZZLES [email protected]

Chess by Chess Soc FUCWIT League Helix 8 Crossword Clues Quick Clues: Gabriel Quek 7 Black to play, mate nickwp 66 Across Jia Choo 62 Emma and Ben 6 in 4... 1. Section in Felix (7) Adam Stewart 18.5 WJ 4 5. Double fold of the peritoneum (7) Yufan Zhao 17 Jerome Tan 3 9. Its existence would violate laws of physics (9, 6) Juliette Chupin 16.5 Angus Liu 2 10. Point of orbit furthest from the Sun (8) 11. The South Kensington campus is next door to Crossword by Paul G. one (6) 13. European country (4) 14. Chemical element with high atomic number (10) 16. Victorious (10) 17. Video game series (4) 20. Rule made by local authority (3-3) 21. Meagre sum (8) 23. Famous American sight (6, 2, 7) 24. Leftover piece (7) 25. Bloat (7) Down 1. Hydrocarbon found in petroleum (7) Sudoku 2. Region of the UK (8, 7) 3. Mix of oats, dried fruit, etc (6) Each row, column, 4. Disease of the nervous system (10) and 3 x 3 box 5. European capital city (4) must contain all 6. Well-expressed and convincing (8) the numbers from 7. It transmits impulses to the head (10, 5) 1 to 9. That’s all. 8. Lowest value (7) Enjoy... 12. Conscientious (10) 15. Not fully grown (8) 16. Spicy sauce (7) 18. Like a Cyclops (3-4) 19. Painter of horses (6) 22. Mail (4) Nonogram The lengths of runs of shaded squares in each row and Cryptic Clues: each column are given. Squares can only be shaded or Across unshaded. Solve the puzzle to unveil a pretty picture. 1. Game to lock up chesspiece (7) 5. Fold in lining of body, impetus losing mass (7) 9. One ultimate prop mistakenly supposed to go on for ever (9, 6) 10. Cat next to untidy heap as far as possible from Killer: sun (8) 11. Employment in mother’s place with exhibits (6) No clues! Instead, 13. Energy and anger bordering on 2D (4) the numbers in each 14. Element (tungsten) in numerical compound cage must add up (10) to the number in the 16. Uproarious mirth at pun, rejoicing (10) top left. Numbers 17. Film computer ring - ring of light (4) cannot be repeated 20. Regulation’s so long, Jude (3-3) in a cage. Tips: 21. Peanuts, crushed pecan; inside it, bit of toffee The numbers in (8) each box, row and 23. US landmark trip around ruin, but for elite (6, column must add 2, 7) up to 45. Look 24. Funny guys starting to scrap (7) for cages with 25. Diets anew and loses a bulge (7) only one possible Down combination e.g. a 1. Chemical that guy exercises: a drug (7) two wide cage total 2. Nationalists’ leader’s new order: handle terror 3 must contain 1 in here? (8, 7) and 2 . 3. Greek character lies about breakfast food (6) 4. City takes currency route to be condition in 7D, maybe (10) Last Week’s Solutions Milder Sudoku Guess the Stop 5. Port in Czechoslovakia? (4) (No points given) The British rail network runs far 6. 70s/80s band that in Spanish theatre articulate and wide. The name of a line (8) is scrambled in the following 7. Re: vein/ligament ruptured over tip of rib or anagram, and the name of a stop other body part (10, 5) on that line, with the given number 8. Smallest car, quiet (7) of letters is encoded by the sum 12. Sounds like American head died upright (10) of the letters, where A=1, B=2... 15. How Matthew might introduce himself: Z=26, Space/Punctuation=0. Find “Midge”. Childish (8) the line and stop. Note that London 16. Sauce a graduate exchanged for a bit of Edam Underground lines may also be in supermarket (7) possible answers. 18. Partially sighted, half of the old in poverty Anagram: (3-4) Medal in mind nail 19. Artist’s short ends of pencils, black included Stop: (6) 9 letters, Sum: 96 22. Put up job (4) Want to write for ? YES NO

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BEAT THIS CAPTION! Hangman’s the turnip Snipes Hangman’s Finest College News Source Why should we vote for you?

Putin relieved by end lection time is always a joyous occasion, the one time when people who normally ignore of Sochi Games you on campus start paying Can finally get back to watching new episodes attention to you and holding Ethe door open for you to pass. Yeah of How I Met Your Mother right! We know exactly what you’re up to. Do you think we haven’t noticed your the sudden flurry of activity on ollowing the end of the 2014 your facebook feed, twitter and google Winter Olympic Games in plus? Sochi this week, Russian Now, if you really want to get us to President Vladimir Putin has vote for you, you have to a) Not be a expressed relief that all of prick (male or female), b) Actually Fhis favourite American TV shows will have something useful to say, c) Don’t be returning, most notably the final just rely on “experience”. Have you read season of long-running sitcom How I this week’s Plugtime? Yeah, we know Met Your Mother. How I Met Your Mother was off the air that represents a large proportion of for a disgusting two weeks whilst the “Finally I can find out just how Ted games were going on :( Credit: CBS candidates. meets The Mother!” President Putin Email [email protected] to win a “leetle prize” So, what makes you so special? Is it said in a statement from his private to embezzle billions of dollars out your silly picture, your “pun-tastic” pool, currently filled with millions of of the Russian taxpayer’s purse for slogan or your gimmicky posters? rubles of laundered money from the myself and my oligarch buddies”, the Dear Fresher Rohan, we think you might have We’ve decided to take a stand, we absurdly over-budget two-week event. controversial public figure continued. lost your certificate on Wednesday evening. Don’t are Hangman, we are many. If we “I mean, we’re in the ninth fucking “But now it’s all over and all of my worry it’s safe in our office. If you want to get it think you’re crap we’ll be running a season of this show. We’re like five shows are back. Now excuse me whilst RON campaign so mad you wish your episodes away from the end and then I go catch up on Supernatural!” back you’ll have to write an article for us first :) name was Norris. Oh, wait, wrong suddenly it’s gone for weeks because Putin then proceeded to download Oh, and just so you know, it’s not a real badass ginger dude. Don’t just waffle, of some stupid Olympics or whatever. the latest episodes of Supernatural, have some real points, or we’ll vote I’ve been waiting nine years to finally Community and even The Musketeers qualification... might want to get your money back for the better candidate and just RON see Ted hook up with this dream girl on The Pirate Bay. ;p your ass! of his and I can’t wait any longer! “Ain’t got no ISPs blocking my Pirate You’ve been warned... “I just put on this absurd event Bay, suckers!” CANCER GEMINI TAURUS V ARIES IRG L E O O

This week you’re pulling an all- This week you find out that Wong Kei, This week, you’re desperate to boost This week, you’re majorly sleep-de- This week you find that you have This week you win your department’s nighter in the library, frustrated that where you got your first wallet-friendly flagging sales for your society’s event. prived in the Felix Office when the Editor been turned into an elephant. You are annual Talent Show. While the girls in your efforts to give someone that foodgasm, is changing manage- You send your members off to guerilla- asks you to write the horoscopes. While then promptly whisked off to the West your department throw their phone Metric Moment via the Lonely Hearts ment and getting an attitude over- flyer the campus, and bug course- you’re used to always feeling out of your End and forced to dance on stage numbers in your general direction, column are going the same way as haul too. You despair as you realize mates to buy tix until you’re Facebook- depth at Imperial, you freak out majorly. with the East Meets West cohort in a you silently thank the missed hours of your current coursework: nowhere. you no longer have a reliable way to blue in the face. Nothing happens until You spend the next hour spamming riot of color. After collapsing during CSP budgeting that martyred them- You sigh, thinking how progress continue your “extra credit” study of one of your posters ends up in the Cen- the Refresh button on the Twitch Plays what feels like the billionth verse of selves during your absence in order would be easier if you had half the crass Mandarin/Cantonese - there’s tral Library’s men’s urinals…vandalized Pokemon subreddit, praying that the en- Jai Ho, you wake up to find that it was to ensure your victory. wit of the Imperial Library Whiteboard only so much Horizons covers! Plus with snarky penis remarks. Remarkably, lightened followers of Bird Jesus - and all just a dream - and that your “(re-) Message Mastermind. (Take it from the crunch from the unintentional fire- its 5 mins of fame on Facebook does the resurrected Lord Helix - will inspire friend plox” requests on Facebook the females on Felix: it isn’t.) ants was what made that prawn toast WAY more for your sales figures than you. Pint? have more than doubled overnight. CA extra-special - it’ll never be the same... your last fortnight’s efforts altogether. AQUARIUS SAGITTARIUS SC P RIC P O ISCES L IBRA R P O I RN O

This week you make a ground-break- This week, you change your allegiance This week, you’re so annoyed by all This week, you throw yourself (hurr) This week you’re fed up with how long This week you wake up to find your- ing discovery: the probability that Im- to the Dome Fossil - after being bribed of the Twitch Plays Pokémon memes into every RAG week event to absolve your usual Union haunt takes to serve self meme-fied by a random com- perial’s print service will fail again is by the promise of unlimited Yoyo bal- that you write to Felix to complain your “guilt” of landing that banking job. their food, so you head to the JCR for moner from the lower echelons of Im- dependent on how amicable CSPB’s ance. Son, I am disappoint. about it. People are so moved by your You wake up in Timbuktu, dressed in a change. Despite being cuter than perial. Horrified, you order your butler budgeting process is for the year. (Un) stirring letter that they go to Twitch’s a pink shirt stained with peri-peri sauce your overrated cousin Mickey, the to bring some tipple from the family’s fortunately the board get their shit to- offices in San Francisco and burn + Krispy Kreme glaze. Your return trip rest of Imperial deems your presence wine cellar - only to find that Daddy gether and pass most of the budget- it down, ending the stream forever. consumes most of the Jailbreak pot, unwelcome - ratting out your arrival has barred your access due to the ing lines without much incident - be- They even go as far as to treat the Fe- overshadowing your “furthest travelled” on the Imperial: Tell Someone Some- atrocious 2.1 on your last lab report. fore you have a chance to sufficiently lix letter that inspired this as the basis achievement - doubling the “greedy thing page. But hey - College Cater- You weep at the thought of having to test that theory. Chin up - there are bet- of a new religion, consulting it at every money-grabber” guilt you were trying to ing can’t blame you for having good resort to the local off-license before ter ways to win that Nobel prize... opportunity. All hail the Felix Fossil! shake in the first place. Well, you tried... taste now, can they? your evening pheasant hunt. Becks?

FRIDAY 28 FEB 39

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IC take positives from Premier League difficult Kendo meet Jake Humphrey gives his account Predictions

James White

Football Columnist

Capital One Cup Final IC KENDO Manchester City v Sunderland The first part of any competition is rious rate scoring men quickly. As a (Sunday 2pm, Sky Sports 1) getting to the competition, but Brit- result, the teams drew in both wins ain never was renowned for having and points so Joseph, tired from the Contests between these sides have good weather. This stayed true with last match, had to fight again in the been highly unpredictable of late, the storm the day before causing de- representative match. The rules were with Sunderland claiming more than lays, confusion and ultimately pushing first to score with no time limit so Jo- MIKE REGAN / GETTY IMAGES their fair share of wins at the Stadium back the competition start time. But it seph once again had to unleash the of Light and Man City experiencing meant we got a lie-in before the tour- beast. This match lasted several min- some scares on home turf as well. nament, which is always nice especial- utes of intense fighting before Joseph Make no mistake, City will be haunted ly after a Friday night. This year it was score the winning men cut. by the memory of losing to Wigan held in Canterbury at the University of Immediately afterwards we went Athletic in last year’s FA Cup Final and Kent with twelve different universities straight into the next match against after having to change strategy against competing. Some universities fielded Edinburgh A. The first match was Chelsea and Barcelona of late, Manuel several teams leading to one large ac- over very quickly with Jason Li los- Pellegrini will set up his side to play to tion-packed competition. ing two men in quick succession their strengths – as a goalscoring ma- GETTY IMAGES First up was the Kyu-grade tourna- against the Kyu-grade men’s cham- chine. The Black Cats have played so ment for people with less than three pion. However, Adam evened it out much better in the cup than the league Hull v Newcastle Fulham v Chelsea years of experience, which are rela- by winning his match with a men this year, and credit to Gus Poyet for tively small fry compare to the Dan- cut. The next two matches were masterminding so many shock scalps Even when they beat Aston Villa, the Felix Magath has no settling-in time at grade black belts. However no one close with both Yihan and Edward along the way, but this will surely be Magpies do not look the same side Craven Cottage and with local brag- told them this, and they fought with putting up a good fight against their one hurdle too far. with nothing to play for and without ging rights at stake, Fulham should all their spirit and confidence. There more experienced opponents, which Prediction: 2-0 their playmaker Yohan Cabaye. Steve give Chelsea a game here, especially if were nine in total representing Im- resulted in another loss and another Bruce has said he would love to do the they are still weary from their trip to perial in the Kyu-grade, though un- win. Now once again Joseph had the double over Newcastle, and it’s a great Galatarasay midweek. But the Blues’ fortunately in the second round, two deciding match. Despite being tired, Southampton v Liverpool chance to stave off any lingering rel- class should prevail over the 90 min- Imperial comrades, Rene Wong and as soon as his foe even twitched, he (Saturday 5:30pm, Sky Sports 1) egation fears. utes. Adam Gestwa, had to fight it out in scored a men strike. However, his ad- Prediction: 2-1 Prediction: 0-2 an intense match. In the end, Joseph versary managed to score back two This is intriguing because Saints con- Yao, Adam Gestwa, Edward Ying, and men strikes resulting in our overall tinue to look the real deal while the Stoke v Arsenal Jason Li were knocked out in the quar- loss. Edinburgh A later on went on Reds’ attacking diamond has been Tottenham v Cardiff terfinals. to win the whole competition and prolific of late. Expect goals, that’s The Potters give everyone a game (Sunday 4:30) Next was the Dan-grade, with five we came third so the outcome was for sure, but Liverpool showed real at the Britannia Stadium and have “samurai” representing our club. not too negative. character to come from behind twice claimed 4 points off the Gunners’ title After defeat at Norwich last week- Unfortunately the men faced formi- Joseph was also awarded with the against Fulham in their last away rivals Man City and Chelsea already end, Tim Sherwood’s Spurs have to dable foes, with Jake Humphrey’s op- Best Fighting Spirit prize due to his match and I can see a similar story this season. I don’t think Arsenal will keep winning to keep alive any linger- ponent going on to place first. This re- exceptional performance through- panning out at St Mary’s. be able to live with Stoke’s abrasive ing hopes of a top 4 finish. The Blue- sulted in first round losses across the out the entire championship. Prediction: 2-3 style which will allow for precious few birds are not showing the character- board, but our warriors gave their op- Next up was the Dan-grade team free-flowing moves. istic spirit relegation battlers need to ponents long hard-fought battles. In hoping to follow in the success for Aston Villa v Norwich Prediction: 1-1 survive at the moment. That has to the ladies’ competition, Luz Nguyen the Kyu team. Unfortunately for (Sunday 4:30pm, Sky Sports 1) change, and fast. performed exceptionally throughout them they had to face the eventual Swansea v Crystal Palace Prediction: 2-0 the day fighting off numerous com- winners of the competition, Ed- I fear the Canaries’ victory against (Sunday 4:30) petitors to obtain a well-earned and inburgh (again), at their very first Spurs last weekend was just a flash in hard-fought third place. round. But by no means were they the pan; Chris Hughton desperately The Swans could probably do without Everton v West Ham After a day’s worth of ‘practice’, simply pushed over, fighting with needs his attackers to start scoring the distraction of the Europa League it was now time to show Imperial’s great determination and spirit losing goals Despite their home difficulties, I right now, although Garry Monk is ex- The Toffees might struggle to create strength in the teams’ competition. only two matches out of five. am sure Villa’s manager Paul Lambert actly the kind of manager players will chances here as Sam Allardyce will get This was also split into Kyu and Dan Next year the Taikai will be held would love to get one over his former respond to even if they are in need of 10 men behind the ball and play the grade. Initially the Kyu team was up at the University of Gloucestershire club. a break. Palace may be in fine home long ball game up to a lone striker. But against York. The first match was a in the tranquil town of Cheltenham. Prediction: 2-1 form but they have to sit back on the they should make the breakthrough draw followed by a loss (however, Tranquil, that is, until the masses of road and the points continue to elude at some stage, certainly if Romelu Lu- Adam was still able to score a point shinai-wielding students descend them. kaku is back fit. with men (head) strike). Next up was upon it and start shouting their bat- Best of the rest Prediction: 2-1 Prediction: 1-0 Yihan Ng and Edward Ying who both tle cry ‘men’, which will definitely (Saturday 3pm unless stated) drew 0:0. This left a lot of pressure on liven up the town. That will also be Joseph who had to win against the when we get our own back onEdin- very same person who knocked him burgh (and all the other teams) and out yesterday. He gave his rival no win. chance with a volley of attacks at a fu- ‘MEN!’ “Keep the SPORT Cat Free” Editor: Kunal Wagle [email protected] 28/02/13 INSIDE Issue 1570 IC take positives from difficult Kendo meet felixonline.co.uk

Women’s Devils lose Imperial’s 1st XI slot Rugby Team three past Royal thump KCL narrowly to set up Holloway 72-10 grandstand varsity was having no luck. At this point it Katherine Fok Henry Garner would be easy to make a joke about IC Women’s Rugby clash against UCL ICUAFC how he was worse than Chelsea FC’s very own Fernando Torres, but that On Saturday 15th February 2014, would be too easy. I will instead take After a host of matches being ICUAFC 1s made the well known the moral high ground and say that rescheduled due to the unrelenting trip to Harlington to face Royal on a good day he could be considered wet weather, ICUWRFC were glad Holloway 1s. In goal ICUAFC equal with Emile Heskey. At one to be out on the pitch again. The made an emergency loan signing of point another Holloway striker team had a strong set of backs who their former goalkeeper, and 2012- managed to beat the offside trap but would later make their presence 2013 Player of the Year (although was only able to shoot straight at felt by GKT (Guy’s, King’s and he hates talking about it because ICUAFC’s very own Petr Cech. St. Thomas’), whilst the forwards it’s really embarrassing) Henry After a stern team talk from Captain welcomed Tessa Davey “Jone’s Garner. His presence perked up Robinson, the players resumed the Locker” and Aamna Mohdin who the likes of Amjad and Nielsen second half endeavouring not only to made their first appearances in the who commented how their lives win but to win well; Barcelona rather forward pack. had lost some meaning since than Stoke City. Imperial dominated GKT did not collect the first his departure from the team. In proceedings despite heading into kick off cleanly and IC moved this way, a (Biology) father was the wind although Holloway were swiftly over the loose ball to secure returned with a son, much like adamant they should have had

a turnover. Several phases of IC ICE HOCKEY Odysseus and Telemachus upon a penalty after left back Nugent forward play combined with good their reuniting at Ithica, as Alex handled the ball with his face. I’ll passing in the backs to brought IC With both teams having returned to Dale gratefully clutched Garner let you work out why it wasn’t given up the pitch. GKT responded well Oli Clipsham full strength, the Yetis managed to put to his bosom murmuring ‘I knew and why contrary to Holloway’s to defend their try line and stop Imperial Devils themselves 3-1 into the lead before a you’d return father’. appeals, it was not ‘exactly the same’ the forwards opening the score last gasp defensive effort led to Zim- After this rather surreal and as their hand ball. Shortly after this, but the sustained pressure in GKT merman taking a penalty for checking largely exaggerated turn of events Cherif, clearly still in the Valentine’s territory eventually led to a break A narrow 3-2 defeat for the Impe- (look it up on YouTube, it’s the best bit the team warmed up in good Day mood, fired a delightful cross when the backs combined well to rial Devils in a regular season clash of the sport) a player who did not have spirits, relieved that the previous field through ball over the top of send Sam Gottarrdi over for the against the UCL Yetis has set the stage the puck. Whilst Zimmerman was night’s ritualistic lamb slaughter Holloway’s defence, like Cupid opening try. for an intense and exciting London Ice serving his time, Weigers broke past had brought some respite from loosing an arrow from his quiver, IC put boot to ball with great Varsity. the fragile UCL defence to power a the recent torrential downpours. which found Dale, who full of love in effect to get behind GKT’s defence. If you haven’t heard already, tonight slapshot past a hapless Yeti netminder. The match started brightly and his heart, tenderly invited the keeper The opposition full back had a Imperial’s very own ice hockey team This brought the score to 3-2 in UCL’s Holloway found themselves behind out of his box for a candle lit dinner, busy day, having to make many will take on their UCL counterparts favour towards the end of the second after only 1 minute as a defender before lobbing him with no remorse. numerous cover tackles to prevent in the 2nd annual London Ice Varsi- period. handled the ball, with his hand, and Holloway were in fact to get on the score line growing even wider. ty. This meant that what should have Comedy was provided throughout Robinson dispatched the penalty the score sheet when a through ball But support across the IC players been a standard league game was filled the game in the form of delayed re- with aplomb, sending the keeper evaded the defence and the last ditch meant that there was always a with rivalry, intensity and a little bit of starts as UCL seemed to frequently the wrong way in the process. attempt of Amjad (maybe he should teammate close behind to secure violence from the very first minute. send fewer players onto the ice than Imperial, like so many champions, try and shift up a gear just once in his possession or receive an quick After only 46 seconds, the Devils they needed. However, the lack of a were winning without playing life) and found the striker (it wasn’t pop pass. This allowed the team to found themselves shorthanded as player with any discernable arithmetic particularly well. Torres, he had been taken off by this literally run away with the play and American centre Gordo Weigers was ability eventually put them at a dis- The mentally challenged offender point for ‘footballing reasons’) who crafty footwork from Sam Gottardi sent to the penalty box for slashing. advantage as they took two separate couldn’t help but continuously found the bottom corner. However, and player of the match Heather Undeterred, the scoring was opened penalties for having too many men shout at Captain Robinson calling the goal would prove only a hollow- Grant led to several more tries. after only 4 minutes by Imperial for- on the ice. This allowed Imperial to him a ‘f**king idiot’ for thinking ay consolation for the visiting side. Receiving the kick off, Charlie ward Gus Zimmerman, slotting a put on the pressure throughout the that the handball in the box was, Imperial comfortably managed to Stephens and Lana Lee always sharp angle shot through the net- third period, where they enjoyed the in fact, a handball in the box, but hold out for the 3-1 win, without seemed to be on hand forcing GKT minder’s legs. Not to be put down majority of possession and managed these were met with an immediate really getting out of Omar Amjad’s into making hard tackles. Forwards lightly, the Yetis fought back aggres- to outshoot the Yetis. UCL were only retaliation of ‘No mate, you are world renowned first gear. took the ball in and offloaded sively – scoring 2 goals before the end rescued in the dying minutes of the the f**king idiot for giving away brilliantly around the breakdown. of the first period and taking 3 sepa- match as Imperial winger Matthew a penalty in the first minute’, to ICUAFC is sponsored by: Fly half Yas Edwards also went rate penalties for unnecessary contact. Choy rang a shot off the goal post. The which silence quickly followed. crashing in to send a bunched With Oli Clipsham of the Devils sent game ended 3-2. No more than 10 minutes later GKT defense into disarray which to the penalty box early in the second With the teams now focusing all of Imperial had scored again. Winger the backs took full advantage of. In period, Imperial had to work hard not their efforts on the London Ice Varsity, Dale, who had already skinned his fact, this combination would prove to let UCL capitalise on their man ad- the memory of such a close game will opposition fullback alive multiple so successful especially in the latter vantage. Spurred on by the high stakes surely serve to spur them on. If the times, broke down the wing and half when successive restarts from and the abundance of adrenaline flow- Devils play to the level they showed sent in a high loopy cross which GKT lead to very similar tries in ing, tempers overflowed as Max Fink in the final period and continue to was held up in the gale force winds. quick succession. took down the captain of the Yetis in match (if not, better) the intensity and About 35 seconds later, it returned Tries were conceeded late in each front of the Imperial net. The result- aggression of their rivals, the glory is to Earth, and Captain Robinson half which saw GKT’s forwards take ing fight included 3 members of each theirs for the taking. The London Ice was there waiting for it, having the ball into contact and edged to team, who were too riled up to bother Varsity is beginning to heat up, you physically held of the Centre Back the try line. Line speed in defence is removing helmets before throwing don’t want to miss it! for the aforementioned 35 seconds, something IC will want to go away punches. Surprisingly, the referee only The London Ice Varsity takes and duly finished it off with a first and work on. Nonetheless it was an sent 2 members of each team to the place tonight at 7:30pm. Tickets are time volley. 2-0. incredible team performance from penalty box, allowing the instigators still available at tinyurl.com/lon- Holloway had several chances IC to win convincingly with the of the fight to continue unaffected. donvarsity to pull a goal back but Holloway’s final score at 72-10. striker, the aptly named Torres,