Issue 856 University of Surrey Students' Union l^th October 1995 His*« iff. 2 RAG RAG Ents Rag^s Charities We now have the ali new RAG week agenda. Which is com- Don't panic !!!!!!!! This is Duncan's Fund - A charity pletely different to that published in the RAG Mag beacause going to be one of the only chosen by Duncan's Parents l'm a stupid bint! So read this one and ignore that one. serious parts of this issue of Duncan was a student and Come along have a laugh, drink loads and fall over. Lots of love Rag's own Bare Facts. member of Rag when he was Sarah x I'll keep it short and sweet, accidentally killed on stage a like the Rag Tart thinks she is number of years ago. (!!!), but the serious side of Rag is that we are t^ing very The money raised is shared hard (honest!) to raise money equally between them. for various charities. We do Takings on the door from the this in many ways but mainly Rag Aftermath will be split S(rt.l4thOct- \ by putting on Rag week and between the Hanscombe other events throughout the Ward of the Royal Surrey 7pm \Headsl year. The aim is get students Hospital and The Handi- involved in Rag whilst enjo- capped Children's Pilgrim- Karaoke\8t ^^ ying themselves i.e. The Beer age Trust (H.C.P.T) Blind Date Night Race. We also go out and Raid towns, this year London Two members of staff on Tue.l7th Oct- Underground for three days Campus have children with and Guildford this Friday!, Erbs Palsey and therefore we After thc^tLyCattle Mar will be running an event for So far we have raised in the the charity. Bar Quiz so, region of £4000 to be split Please help as much a between this year's chosen possible and have loads of &n W([ds.l8th Oct- charities and need your help to raise a lot more. too. 7pm Beer Drinkini Thanks everyone in advance This years charities are: - we need to beat last years Competition BIBIC - British Institute for total of £7000. ThiÌRS.19th Oct- Brain Injured Children Claire Harkett - Rag Sec. Help the Aged (Cos they )m Hypno^co helped us in London!!!!!) fut on Monday) Guildford Aids Line Fri20th0ct- " ChildLine Raystede Centre for Animal 7pm ^"UWl'tisie Disco Welfare j^jmo.

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C^om^ortaLie ^crew, ^inapore Siinay f^eacli ^trau/Lerr^ ^l^au^uiri, i^rarul^ ^^ùxander, f^ina ^oiada, ^eiiow EU Y^ai 'ÏJai, .^J^art/eu ^lA/aULan^er, YJ^aratiepiia, dlon^ ^iiand ^ceJ, ^ea, Î3lue fjla^ootif (^louJj^ X/ision, ^tocLin^ o Rag Photos ó THK rAg TEAM MISSION IMPOSSIBLE The eariy morning mists had yet to clear, the birds had yet to start singing, but the rAg TEAM was up and moving. Their mission: OPERATION V.C. KIDNAP. The team: SAM DI LIETO - Rag Chair SARAH HORTON - Rag Ents fi CLAIRE HARKETT - Rag Sec PETER COLLINS - Rag Pub NICKY HOLMES - Rag Astronut AMY PRICE - Rag Tart ROB DOREY - Comms Officer (Photographer) CHRISTIAN WELFARE - Stage Crew (Rope Holder) The Time: Far too early, Far away a lone figure closed the large front door and climbed into the spacious Jaguar, started the engine and drove towards the ambush. Through high pow- ered binoculars Sam followed the movements of the Jaguar through the morning traffic, "Move out!" The team all moved as one, taking up their positions around Senate House. Soon the top floor had been secured, four builders were locked in a cupboard, a secretary was dragged kicking and screaming and thrown out of an open window. The V.Cs person- al assistant was then stapled to the underside of her desk and our target was all alone as he entered the lift, slightly bemused at the absence of his P.A. he unlocked his office and sat down behind his desk, then we pounced....here are the results.

IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU ARE OR WHERE YOU COME FROM- IFYOU'VEGOTA PROBLEM AND NO- ONE ELSE CAN HELP- IF YOU CAN FIND THEM YOU CAN HIRE- 4 RAG Union Officiais Mandates President - Sharon General Postgrad. Students STAGE CREW - Penelope Pitstop, Secretaiy-Corrina - Ofiìcer-Jackie - AU of stage crew - Ant Hill Upon seeing any RAG offi- Aunt Sally. She-Ra. Mob, and must on hearing ciai in their mandate must Must have big rosy cheeks, Must wear as little as possible Pen. Pitstop must run to ber shout "Help. Help!!!" Must and a RAGdoll image. Must without getting arrested, and rescue shouting "We'll help run with straight legs, wear he heard to say "Another cup help He-Man in his fight you Penelope..", and will knee high leaÄer boots, and of tea and a slice of cake?" at against evil. Upon demand, cater to ber every need. copious amounts of lipstick, least 20 times a day. must buy everyone a drink. especially between dusk and Must were yellow souwesters Extemal Affairs Professional throughout RAG week. dawn at the request of the Offìcer-Kate - Miss Placement Ofßcer- Chief Steward. Piggy. Clare - Olive Oil. B.F. TEAM Student Aifairs Must wear pink ali over (or go Must wear a very short mini Jeff Blackham - Officer-Andrea - naked) and upon seeing Ker- Sylvester the Cat. Wonder Woman, skirt, the most stupid top she mit, must shout "Oh Kermy, can find. Must he constantly Must constantly try and eat Must wear thigh high blue Kermy I love you!!", and if getting into trouble and need- Tweety Pie, and chase ber ali plastic boots and when hear- Kermit annoys then she must ing the help of the superhe- around the building ali night ing the words "Help, Help ! !" Karate chop him with a shout roes as mentioned above. long until a RAG officiai Wts must spin round and shout of "HIIIIIIYYYYYYAAA Sports him with a broom. "Wonder Woman!" and las- AAHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!!!!" Cnairperson-Dave - Steve French - soo the culprit with her magic Tintin. Popeye. lassoo. Treasurer-Franco - Comms. Officer- Must wear blue pedal Must wear a stripy top and Wee Willy Winkie. pushers, turtle neck jumper, bell-bottoms, and smoke a Rob - Action Man, Must cuddle his blanket and and have a nice quiff to his pipe, and eat spinach, and Must wear combat gear with suck his thumb, and wear a French Crop. On offer of a drink spinach, and adore blue Y-Fronts, and upon de- nightshirt - NO P.J.'S.... pint or on hearing the word Olive Oil, and punctuate his mand, must drop bis trousers Stage Guinness must shout "Hey B.F. articles properly. Must to reveal his lovely blue y- Manager-Cookie - Snowy, I can see the pub from also say "Agh, agh, agh", fronts. Bananaman. here." whenever he sees Olive. Sports Officer- Must wear a blue and yellow Steve - Mowgli, suit with Y-Fronts on top, and Must wear a loin cloth and carry a iarge inflateable ba- swing through the union on nana which he must keep well Stage Crew's equipment. away from the RAG chair. On Upon demand, must sing that request must charge to anyo- he want's to he "Like you-ho- ne's rescue shouting "This is ÄAGHypno disco ho..." a job for BANANAMAN!!" Ents. Offlcer-Alan - Environmental Pink Power Ranger. Offìcer-Steve - Wears only pink Lycra with Pingu, pink headgear and skiing Must say "Eek, Eek" to order goggles. Must upon seeing a beer at the bar. Wonder Woman leap into ac- Equcd tion, spring daintily and at- tack the aggressor using his Opportunities special Karate moves, and his Omcer- Michael - "Power Bow"... Kermit the Frog. Must wear a tasteftil green ali Internai Affairs over and cut off his ears, and Officer-Antonia - upon seeing Miss Piggy must TXveety Pie. tiy to ward off her advances, (See Jeff Blackham).Must and must take the punishment say "I Thought I saw a puddy when it is served. tat" upon seeing Jeff and run Bare Facts Thurs,19th Oct away. Secretary-Sophie Union -EvüEdna, Main Union Chairperson-Dave - Wear an aerial firom her head He-Man. and fizz when people talk to Must wear tight rubber her. swimming trunks, and a Women's sword on his back - his bare Ofiìcer-Kerri - back. Upon seeing a RAG of- Mavis Cruet (faiiy ficiai must raise the sword Tickets on sale above his head and shout "By in Willow the Wisp), the power of RAG, I have the Must wear a pink tutu and from Monday in the power...." and raise his sword carry a wand. Main Union Foyer in the air.... RAG 5 Mandates for Rag A) AU of Rag sings Trace should lie on her which destroy the environ- a flimsy cardboard shotgun. back with legs in the air. ment and so on and so on... At 10.10 p.m. Vem will go Will be sold at Slaves at a on/front of stage and shout Slave Auction to take place at D1 Mike Siri - Vice H) Peter Collins - to be Roger Mellie the "You won't take me alive cop- the General Meeting next Chair to be San the per" and PRETEND to shoot Tuesday 1 p.m. Will be in the Fat Slag Man on The Telly himself. When anyone asks Union each evening between Must wear fish net stockings Roger must at all times speak Vem where he is going, he 8.45 p.m. and 10.45 p.m. Will with purple tights underneath through a television screen will produce a big passport wear mandates costumes AT and white ankle socks; (i.e. a cardboard cutout! !!)2. and airline ticket for Mexico. ALL TIMES during Rag trainers; yellow skirt; red top; At 9.40 p.m. each evening. Week (yes - that does include long blond wig; horrendous Roger will go on/front of stage M) Nicky Holmes - when you go to lectures), un- make-up. Same as Trace ex- and compere a game show for to be Nobby's Piles less prior permission has been cept should nip female Union 5 minutes called "F*** the Nobby will have purple grape- granted by the President (i.e. if Officials and Sabbaticals cards, just give me your line piles hanging out of the you have a job and your cos- bums. money". When his Agent tells rear of his trousers. At 10.20 tume would get you the sack!) Roger not to swear, Roger will p.m. each evening Nobby will At 10.30 p.m. they will go E) Adrian Edwards reply "It's my show, I can do go on/front of stage and Stu- on/front of stage each evening - Treasurer to be what I f^***** want! dent Grant will burst a pile for for the duration of Rag Week Buster Gonads Nobby - this pile should be full |With collecting tins in hands Buster will wear shorts with I) Neil Bowyer - to of juice for Student Grant to Pand sing the Lumberjack Song his gonads dangling at least ti be Roger's Agent collect in a plastic glass and from Monty Python. They knee-length. At 9.10 p.m. each Remember the full beard, drink. Nobby will then shout will then go round collecting evening. Buster will walk curly hair and suit! When from everyone in the Union. "This juice is no relief". around the building shouting Roger is on stage at 9.40 p.m. Nobby will be unable to sit B) Sam Di Lieto - "Mind me bollox!". Buster each evening, die Agent will down from 8 p.m. until the pile Rag Chair to be needs a wheelbarrow with him be running around the Union has been burst. After the pile Student Grant at all times to carry his gonads, trying to get a contract for has been burst, whenever although he will park this with Roger. Whenever Roger Nobby sits down he will moan 1. Student Grant can not buy swears, his Agent will say the House Officer when he "Ohhhh me piles!" an alcoholic drink for the dur- enters the Union building each "Don't swear Roger - you're ation of Rag Week, instead he evening. on the telly". N) Rest of R^ - to must scrounge drinks (but not be BillLvV the Fish's from Union Officials or Sab- F) Claire Harkett - J) Colin McKinty - football team batica!s!Once Student Grant Rag Sec to be to be Sid the Sexist When they see Billy the Fish, has managed to scrounge a Farmer Palmer N.B. easy on the sexism they will jump up and down, drink he must run to the stage Farmer Palmer wears a cloth Sid will have a moustache, arms in the air, and shout and shout "I've blagged a cap and short trousers, tweed open shirt, medallion, hairy "Good save, Billy!". When beer".If Student Grant is ever jacket and has very red cheeks. chest and flares. At 9.50 p.m. Billy the Fish is on stage at 10 found to be carrying more than He carries a large set of tractor each evening Sid will drag one p.m. each evening, they will £5 on his person during Rag keys around at all times. At of on/front of stand front of stage and cheer Week, he must donate tííe ex- 9.20 p.m. each evening stage and sing "You've lost (they should also try to catch cess to charity. Student Grant Farmer Palmer will go that loving feeling" (using a the ball when he headers it into must not wash his hair all on/front of stage and start to microphone when avail- the crowd). I week (he can not afford to !) At shout "Get off my land" in a able). Whenever Sid the Sex- O) Dave Vincent - 10.20p.m. every night he must strong Dorset accent until ist sees Mili Tang, he will ask burst one of Nobby Pile's piles somebody moves. At one honorary Rag her if she's having a bad hair member (since and drink the juice which event during the week Farmer day. comes out of it. Palmer must sing "I've got a now!) to be King brand new combined harves- K) Dave Bolten - to Keegan C) Sarah Horton - ter". be Billy the Fish Will dress the part in black and to be Trace the Fat At 10 p.m. Billy will swim Slag G) Amy Price - to white and a curly wig (don't be MÜ1 Tant on/front of stage with an in- forget the crown) At all times Must wear fish net stockings flatable beach ball and shout during the week will convert with red tights underneath and Wears militant Green- "They think it's all over", leap the hopeless supporters of white ankle socks; trainers; peace/CND-type gear She will up and header the ball onto the other teams into candidates purple skirt; yellow top; hair wear a rucksack all week with dance floor saying "It is now!" suitable of becoming part of in bunches; horrendous make- a sleeping bag inside of it. At Whenever someone shouts the Toon Army.Will jump up. Every time some one 9.30 p.m. each evening. Mili "Hey Fishy-Fishy", Billy will on/front of stage as many shouts "Fat Slags", Trace must Tant will go on/front of stage take out a pot labelled fish times as possible during the lie on the floor and kick her and get into her sleeping food and eat a handful (we evening shouting "Toon legs in the air. Trace should bag.Mili Tant will also carry a suggest you have cornflakes Army!". Must larn ta taak nip the male Union Official fabric banner with the follow- inside it, but real fish food will propa! and Sabbaticals' bums and ask ing printed upon it: "Make do!) Between 8-10 p.m. Billy if they fancy a shag at least love not war - Give money to P) PENALTIES FOR Rag" Whenever Mili TanT will drink only water Before N^ON-FULFILLMENT five times a day. Trace should Billy says anything, he must flirt outrageously at all times. sees the Fat Slags she will OF MANDATES: shout "Save the Whale". make a face like a fish brea- thing. For not fulfilling any part Trace should TRY to trade When Sid the Sexist asks his within the mandate £1 per day shags for drinks from the bar question to Mili Tant, she L) Leanne Allen - to per mandate staff. At 9 p.m. every evening should lecture him on how be Big Vem For not wearing costume - £5 Trace should go on/front of shampoos contain detergents Will wear long dark coat, per day stage and neigh like a horse for trilby and sunglasses and carry 5 minutes.When Sid the Sexist 6 RAG

^ean. ^pwcC&Uc^ on campus. There are plenty obvious that your problem is of opportunities to make due to a small, unsatisfying Firstly I must say that as you AG AGONY friends in a student lifestyle. penis. You may as well say R are writing to a student news- If you are not willing to take goodbye to the thought of a AUNT ANNA paper I assume that you have these, I suggest that univer- long-term relationship as no answers your some intelligence - so why sity is not the place for you. women will waste her time problems with practical then have you not given your A final year would appreciate with an unsatisfying lover. and sensitive advice. Due problems tìie correct terms of your campus room much "put people off their food- more so pack your things and ^ecw ^HHO- to the large amount of acne" and "make people gag- get Mummy and Daddy to work involved in halitosis"? Any way, although fetch you. Think of the suc- I have a problem which may answering each problem, this may sound harsh my only cessful student who's place at at first seem very common for a student, but believe me Anna regrets that this is a advice is to sandpaper your university you have so sel- face morning and night and to fishly wasted! mine is much worse than any- one-off and no personal drink a litre of industriai one else's. My problem is that correspondence can be strength bleach daily. Unfor- I do not seem to enjoy myself entered into. tunately the latter of these ^COft /^tuut- whilst out unless I have a will probably kill you, but it Please can you give me some drink. The problem is that I I have a couple of really em- very often get blind drunk and barrassing problems for sounds as though you have advice about my love-life? I nothing worthwhile to offer seem to have a problem with do things that I regret. So far which I am desperately in this term I have got off with need of advice. I suffer from society and with a name like keeping a girlftiend. I con- Frederick l'm sure that no- sider myself fairly attractive several lads that I wouldn't extremely bad spots which usually touch with a bar- are especially clustered on one will miss you. and have to admit that I have no problems attracting gepole, fallen over many my face. They are the really times and ruined my clothes, puscular type which also women. In the past month, I have met eight women and been chucked out of several cause me the problem of I have been really homesick pubs, and have frequently bunging up my razor blades seem to get on really well ever since arriving at univer- with them until it carne to sex. woken up in a puddle of rendering them all but use- sity. I fmd it ever so hard to vomit. less. Also, I have exceedingly None of them seemed to make friends so have not yet enjoy themselves, and never foul breath. I have tried the found a soul-mate. I seem to mouthwashes available in the contacted me again. As far as Nicola, Oxford spend most ofmy time sitting l'm concerned I do every- chemist's but still the smell in my bare, little campus persists. I do not dare to visit thing correctly and consider 2W ntécUa, room. Please give me some their needs whilst in bed. It seems to me that as you my doctor as she is really advice. good-looking and I wouldn't What do you suggest? remember these incidents want her to know about these Shazzzzzaaaa, Plymouth enough to regret them later, it problems. I feel that my life is Nigel, Cardiff is obvious that actually you being ruined as I no longer go are not drinking enough. In out. What should I do? future I would suggest that You should think yourseif l'm afraid that you are going you drink twice your normal Frederick, Briistol lucky to get a university to have to accept that you are amount. place, and especially a room useless in bed. It is ali but What not to call your dog "you must have been I left my dog at the vets, when Sex away", he said "that's quite a kid!" I went to pick him up I said what happens in a divorce" "I've come for my dog" she VERYBODY When I got married and went Last night Sex ran off. I spent E on my honeymoon, I took the said "which one? Spot or WHO HAS A hours looking for him all over dog with me. Not wanting the Rover?". I said "what about DOG calls him Sex?" she slapped me. After I town, A policeman came over dog to bother us, I told the to me and asked "what are "Rover" or "Spot". I clerk that I wanted a room for had straightened out the mis- understanding I asked if Sex you doing in this alley at 4 made the mistake of my wife and I and a special o'clock in the morning?" I room for Sex. He said "every was good for her, she slapped calling him "Sex". Now me again. said I was looking for Sex has been very room in the place is for sex!" Sex My case comes up embarrassing to me. I said " you don't understand, Sex ran away, I went to the Friday. When 1 went to city hall Sex keeps me awake at dog pound. As I was looking night." the clerk said "me in all the cages the operator to renew his dog licence, too!" came up to me I said I am I told the clerk I would One day I entered Sex in a dog looking for Sex. He said I was like a licence for Sex, he show, before the competition looking in all the wrong said "I'd like to have one began, another contestant places! too!" Then I said "But asked me what I was doing. I When my wife and I separ- this is for a dog". He said told him that I planned to ated, we went to court for cus- have Sex in the show. He said tody of the dog. I said " your "I don't care what she I should have sold my own looks like". Then I said honour I had Sex before I was tickets. When I asked if the married" he said. "What's "you don't understand, show was televised he called your point, so did I" I said I've had Sex since I was me a pervert. "but my wife wants to take nine years old." He said RAG 7

The chemistry RAG Bar Quiz Entry Form TeQrn Natne Q) of women riames of Team Members S. Element : Woman 3 Explodes spontaneously, 1 g g without waming or reason. Symbol : WO2 2 4 Softens and takes an a rosy S Jï ^ Discoverer : Adam glow when soaked in hot 4 tS . Atomic Mass : Accepted at water. 55kg but known to vary from 5 Greatly increased activity ^ fff 45-225kg. when saturated with alcohol. Occurrence : Large quantities 6 The most powerful money 8 found in urban areas with trace reducing agent known to man. elements found in most other areas. Common uses Physical properties Highly ornamental - espe- Boat Races Entiy Form cially in sports cars. 1 Surface nonnally covered in powder and paint. Can be a great aid to relaxa- riames of contestants tion. 2 Boils at nothing, freezes for 1 no apparent reason. Tests 3 Melts if given spécial treat- Pure species tum bright pink 2 ment. when discovered in the natural 3 state. 4 4 Bitter if used incorrectly. Turns green when placed 5 5 found in various grades, alongside a superior spe- 6 ranging from virgin material to common ore. cimen. 7 8 Chemical properties 1 Affinity to gold, silver, plati- Please submit this form num and ail precious stones. to a RAQ bod at the 2 Absorbs great quantities of Beer drinking competition expensive substances. along with £8 for the beer . £ 1 a pint all night

Eat as much as you want for just £3.25 Pizza & Pasta Buffet 12-2 PM Monday to Friday

^ Pi^ìoe, Time' £2.99 for Traditional 10" or Deep Pan 7" Pizza + a topping of your choice and ice cream for dessert ®(01483) 60700 8 RAG The Joys(?) of living on campus I Things you are ^ Having to wash the pubic Having to search through likely to hear hairs out of the bath before hundreds of letters when you can use it. trying to find that letter •ù Being woken up al 2.30 in from Mummy in the court working on the the morning by drunk reception. floormates returning from "Ù Finding that the sad ob- Cindies. sessive guy who everyone cloakroom Being woken up at 5.30 in say's fancies you is steal- ^ l've lost my ticket! ^ You must remember me, I the moming by the fire ing your post. gave you my coat, it was alarm. ^ Having to wait seven ^ What? A pound! the black one. iSr Being caught in bed with weeks for the kitchen toas- ^ It's the black one ter lo be repaired. ^ My number was your partner by the ^ Do I get my pound back? cleaner. "ù Having to spend a consid- 6/204/69,578 ^ It's got my union card in That delightful spìcy erable proportion of your ^ It was 50p last year grant at the launderette the pocket aroma that regularly drìfts ^ You didn't give me a ticket under your door. trying to get the universi- ^ Look after it won't you? iJ But my boyfriend/girl- "ù The nerdy guy next door ty's sheets clean after the Can you put two on one toga party. hanger? (NO) friend/mum has got the playing on his computer ticket until 3am. ^ Spotting someone's friend ^ Just for me? iwT The heavy metal fan chill- drinking out of your fa- (everyone says that!!) ^ Can I come in and find it? vourite mug. l'm sure I put my ticket in ing out with his mates until iJBut l'm different dawn. "ù Never seeing the mug here...sorry again. (that too) ^ Returning from the kit- iJit's that one ^ Do I get a student discount? chen with half a meal •¿Sr Not being able to put of (what next to the other 200 caked on your sole. going to the launderette (OK so that was quite coats obviously!) Having hardly enough any longer. funny) ^ Why can't you just give it freezer space for one bag "ù Being told that your bed- :^Will81pdo? to me room is a health risk by a of frozen peas. ^ Has my boyfriend/girl- iJ l'm not paying a pound, are Listening to the girl next very irate housekeeper. friend put their coat in? you sure its that much door while her boy friend is •¿V Being told to remove the ^ Has my boyfriend/girl- ^ You know its mine! staying. road sign/cone or else by friend taken tiieir coat out? an even irater house- ^ ....I gave itto you "ù Finding your frying pan ^ ril only be here for a full of lard on the dishrack. keeper. ^ Did I leave my coat with short/1 ittle/whole time Finding your saucepan in •¿V Living in the room under- you? ^ Can you just throw it on the two pieces for no apparent neath a bass guitar player. ^ Someone bumped into me reason. "ù Living in the room next to side and I dropped my ticket on "A" Finding that someone has a classica! music lover. ^ Isn't it free the floor and before I could spiked your tornato ket- "ù Being thrown out of the ^ Have you got a pen? l've pick it up someone stood chup with chilli powder. T.V lounge 5 minutes be- pulled. No my coat's not on it and it got wet and tom "ù Being the oniy one on the fore your programmo fm- here! A PEN! then I lost it, sorry but I kitchen chunder chart. ishes. ^ Can you get to Pizza Plus know what it looks like. ^ Being the only one not on Having many childish through that door ^ Where's my ticket? practical jokes played on the kitchen pulling chart. ^ It smells of pizza down you. ^ Where's the entrance? ik Finding the ever helpful here cleaner has tidied up your tV Having to spend ages ^ Where's the toilet? notes you spent ages get- thinking of even more ^ Can you change a £50 ^ Hold on my ticket's in my ting in order. childish practical jokes to pound note? shoe... retali ate.

Have you seen this person...? ...in your department? minutes later, as if they are on have a complete inability to have to sign themselves in as time? follow even simple Instruc- Daffy Duck or Henry Vm? tions? but never anywhere go to 3 lectures at the begin- repeatedly cough in every else? ning of the year then live on Visit the Spar shop on campus lecture Ali year? campus for the rest of the year and arrive at the lecture with Do they... but go to no more lectures? enough snacks to feed a small always sit in the same Posi- army? tion no matter what room? arrive 10 minutes late for sheepishly knock on the door always wear at least one item EVERY lecture? and peer in when late for lec- attempt to sit on the same tures? broken chair 3 weeks run- of red clothing? when you have consecutive ning? lectures, with a 10 minute continously ask annoying spend ali their spare time break, disappear without questiona with obvious spend the whole lecture figu- "surfing the 'Net"? trace, and then reappear 30 answers? ring out how the seats in LT E work? KiNG Great Day For Gravìty Tour '95 MAIN STAGE MONDAY OCT I6th EIONTHE DOOR L Featuring GARY CLARK NEILL MacGOLL ERIC PRESSLY 8c MATT LANG i ) rsi IV e K s I I V OF SLJRRtY V J r^ I c > r-^

WEEK ENDING FRIDAY 20TH OCT 1995 LADIES AMD GEMTLEMEM, B0Y2 AMD GIRLS HERE'S RAG WEEKi!i!ii!ii!n Friday 13th Saturday 14th 'COMMITTED TO JUNGLE' BUG BUND DB¥C The Friday IMIgm Out actorns ICs Drum 'n' B^ss KBBB^KC hat for orta waak only LIVE ON STAC3E JADIE NU VISION UOS CUiB TREVOR \XiVUXERS DOUINSYBIBS 9-S« Sunday 15th Mondäy 16th FREE BANDS KING L EUSEBE GR^T DAY FOR • GRAVmr TOUR RA«GA IHINS MAIN STAGE £1 ON THE DOOR

Tuesday 17th Wednesday 18th

GrIAJVr BJkMt ftlHÄ RAG BEER Club DRINKING CONTEST

Thursday 19th Friday 20th

HYPIMO-DISCO BEER RACE feat. JOIMA.TH/VIM JAY THE FRIO>W NIGHT RAG DOUBLE SIX CLUB BAD TASTE LOWER BAR 8-2AIVI (i/SUAL. ENTRY RULfS) £2 "^^iitííxittn '95 líiwuíJ-^ HoM TjItÁ Film Night - IVIain Union - Free Entry "An American WerelA^olf In London" * "THE EXORCIST"

WAENIN6 The Exorcist will be screened at midnight, anyone with a nervous disposition is advised to leave the building "THE FRIGHT HIGHT OUT" mum; 'THE FREAKSHOW TICKETS £3.50 UNIVERSITY OF SURREY U ISIIOISI

CllJ I ì a 6%'i niiMMBia imoi litii ii«Y THE FRtDAY NIGHT OUT TAKES A STEP BACK IN TIME SAIHftBAY Mtk Nìy A Hard Day's Night + The Italian Job Two Free Films Upstairs, On the Big Screen 7pm Start "Pshycodelitement" A night Of Rare Groovc from The Swinoing Decade The Helyn Rose Bar 9-2am 13 SBBSflSliUrVav FREE BABi» "Xhe Bruvverfi" RAG 9

naiA Haìsa IrLitth

Be there and Be Square Main Sat.l4 Oc Ll.OO on t Hormal F.R.0. Prices HMV Swan Lane, Guildford H£U OF A

^owsands of V aneoos assive Reductions on CVs ^/bcH- 'Jfi^HtUu^ to' 9 tiil 6 10 Rag RAG Profiles Females: cially if its free and bought for Turn 0ns: Mens hotspots: US by an incredibly sexy man. Fast cars, motor bikes and Betty Swollocks! Sarah, Nicky, Claire, Amy, Famous Phwoars: money(with or without Anna and Leanne a man!) Sexual thnü: Grant Mitchell(testosterone) Whipped, beaten and folded Ryan Giggs, Mei Gibson, Favorite Drink: What makes us before microwaving on full Brad Pitt, Damon(Blur), Anything we can get our chunder: power for 45 minutes until Johnny Depp. mouths round (oooer!) espe- A 3 course meal because burnt, crispy and totally we're all super models, spunk dried out!! nettes, redheads and nympho- kronenbourg and a gin & Famous Phwoars: Males: maniacs. juice, ali in the space of one hour(nearly!) Ravioli from a Jet, Michelle Pfeiffer, Shan- Sam, Pete, Richard, Duncan, Turn Offs: tin, Cinderella's night club. non out of Home Mike, Adrian, Colin, Neil, and Away, Sharon Stone in Dave etc. Poor blondes, intelligent Basic Instinct women, women who argue, Sexual Position: Favourite Drink: women who constantly ask The nympho body suit tree you if they look fat. shuffle with a 98% ethanol chem labs vienetta and four weasels, Turn ons: What makes us chunder: Lads most memorable Rich blondes, Stupid moment: blondes, blondes, and bru- 2 Paracetamol, 2 bottles of wine, a four pack, 11 pints of See above! Rag Star Profiles Name: How many times do you Does RAG interfere with Sarah Horton RAG a week?: your private life?: EXCUSE ME!!! YES! nothing in RAG is pri- Age: vate. 19 What's your worst in- jury?: Role Model: Dept: Breaking my wrist doing a Blöke off Guinness ad School of Biological Rob Andrew style drop-lack Sciences at last years beer drinking Who would you most compétition. like to meet?: Nicknames: A six foot dark-haired, single, Oi! Most memorable mo- very rich man with a lilung ment: for drunken, mad Irish Favourite Drink and Hmmmm.... can't remember- women. Why?: ask my friends. Guinness and Whiskey for Dedicated to: obvious reasons! Favourite meal: Nicky, Sam, Pete, the rest of Kebab after Cindy's rag and all the people who What do you get out of have put up with me con- RAG?: Favourite pop group: stantly telling then I love them, every Friday night! Lots of hangovers and a very big overdraft. Boy zone Bare Facts 11 The Application Game ONCE saxophonist! He had also, Of course, if you've also done thinking and planning. The quite recently, given a lecture a Professional Year you'd second should be spent work- at the London School of Econ- probably want to devote a lot ing out your answers to the I omics, in French, on playing of your answer to describing more openended questions in INTERVIEWED A the sax, and the degree he was that instead. But you would rough. The third you'd spend STUDENT in doing was Chemical Engin- still benefit by applying the writing it out neatly. Take London who said he eering! same kind of analysis. The heart though, the first is couldn't think of trick is to try to relate what you usually the worst and you can You must be thinking that's all have done to the likely re- save quite a bit of time if you anything to put on his very well for him, he had a lot quirements of the job. Most keep a copy and modify the application forms. to talk about. But that's not jobs are described in terms of answers for the ones that fol- Suspecting there was the way he had seen it. Most tasks such as organising, ex- low. people, in fact, find it hard to perimenting, managing, writ- more to him than met the "sell" themselves. The key to eye, I probed around a bit ing, analysing and Russ Clark making it easier is to make problemsolving. Employers Careers Service to see if I could help him. sure you start from the point want to know whether you can PSFuture Vacancies 2 is fresh I rather casually asked him that anything you've done do the things the job demands. what he had done that wee- could be relevant. Take bar off the press. It's totally dif- The application form is simply ferent from the first issue and kend. His answer wasn'tquite work, for example. You a means of finding this out. what I had been expecting. He might think that's of no inter- contains notifications of loads said he had spent the weekend est to an employer what- of new vacancies. Do pick up It goes without saying, or a copy in the Careers Service. in Germany. After a bit more soever. But if you describe it should, that your form also probing it transpired that he in terms of dealing with diffi- needs to look attractive. If it PPSIf you are interested in spoke fluent French so hitch- cult customers, handling shows you've taken care over Main Stream Diplomatic Ser- ing across France was not a money, ordering supplies and it, the employer will interpret vice entiy you must obtain the problem. He picked up working long, unsocial hours that to mean you really want to application form by 27th Oc- enough German to get by it suddenly sounds a lot more work for them. I reckon it tober from RAS, Alencon while he was there, and he relevant to the needs of em- takes about 3 hours to do the Link, Basingstoke, Hants earned his fare back by busk- ployers. job properly. The first hour RG21 IJB. ing on the German under- should be spent reading, ground. He was a gifted

•UNIVERSITY OF SURREY'

Shidents welcome ai COMING UP WEEK 7

our Cider Festival CAREERS TALKS

-^"^SÄi^ ^THE DIPLOMATIC SERVICE ' ! "«r-fc One of our graduates mil lell you whal it is like working OCTOBER 14th with the Diplomatic Service and wHl discuss applications

TUESDAY 17 OCrOBER

From 11 am-11pm 6.30 p.m. in LT F

vjitìi CAREERS IN BANKING - At the RAM Cider House A member of Lloyds Bank will talk about banking in general and will discuss the qualities applicants need to be successful

Godalming THURSDAY 19 OCTOBER

6.30 p.m. in LT F

WORKSHOP

HOW TO APPLY FORAJOB You will be able to discuss and mark some good and some bad application forms, e.V. 's and covering letters

WEDNESDAY 18 OCTOBER

2 - 4 p.m. in LT B

Places liniiled so please sign up with Careers •CAREERS SERVICE- 12 Classifieds Personals on Wednesday .... didn't Lee, we can't wait till next Immigration Trouble - This they Ebeenezer Watson? E-mail session, have you semester the Liberty Group Darren, j'attends ton appel "¿V Would Christian Union graduated from a frog to a are running a campaign on the V++ please refrain from bible prince yet? Lulas from problems that many foreign -Ct "Oh no! lan's left with a bashing me when I am late house 147. national face while entering woman"-Janglez any for a lecture. Gandalf ^ To find out whether Kojak and living in the UK. Have is the new communica- you experienced such prob- bells?? Dr. Forensic : If you don't lems? If so, Liberty would HIDS& LIZ-so tonight is video 'Casualty' for your tions officer donate now to like to hear from you. Please the night for big firm saus- Wonder Nurse, who do tins near you and see the contact us via the pigeon hole ages - tummy yum! N. you do it for? results of your generosity or come along to our meeting •¿V I will love you, hug you tate sends lots of snuggles on Saturday (if we raise on Thursday at 8pm in and kiss you for ever my to a certain canoeist xxx £500 that is) TBI 2b. bunny love Kx •¿V To the body Faulkes, hope •¿V V+R - We ain't humilia- ^ Miss Piglet, Mice and to- you enjoy your fourteen ting ourselves again J+T Sub • Aqua GM on 26th No- mato stalks are not the only pints. Thanks to the L.E.S. •¿V To everyone I know, want vember, 1995 at 6.30pm in things that go in my bed... and Hester. to know or will know by TB22. love Mafia Girl ik Tim-I hope Rachael was the end of Rag week - Volunteers Needed for a To Delma, whose is it able to fix your car!!! Don't laugh at my "piles". range of voluntary work going to be that's the di- •¿V Matt, why don't you join Love "Nobby Piles". (available now!). Please Con- lemma, the choice is a big in next time? Love G+C tact Rob Jackson at the Stu- one. Luv L.E.S. ^ maybe it's because I'm a Notices dent Advice Service in the ^ Dr. Forensic and Wonder chunderer. Boat Club GM to be held in Students' Union on ext. 9261 Nurse : Clinical diagnosis ik First it was Paul, now it is the "Grant Mitchell Room" or extemal (01483) 259261. - Match made in heaven. RAG - and our beloved on Monday 23rd October, Aetiology and Pathogen- EARS AGM 9 BB 21 17th Rob still can'tkeep his hair 1995 at 6pm. October 6pm esis. - historical weakness on! for brunettes with big.... Friends Of Asia Society an- To our friend Fee who's Reminder to Everyone that smile's. Treatment - Bob nual elections will be held on there is a box in the Post Hoskins Clinic for the ter- always welcome to stay at Tuesday 24th October in the Gardeners house hold - Room (Union) for Ring minally un-introduced TB13 at 6.15pm. Pulls! (Charitable cause) (It's good to talk). come and visit again soon! Luv Vic + Rachxxx Riding Club GM, Monday Hellenic Society AGM on liV Sheep at computer, in 23rd October in TB22 at 6pm. French offy, pulling To Crumpet, are you Me- 18th October in LT F at 15:00 French babe, ^^^at a good dusa or is it just a bad hair Cyprus Society AGM, Fri- day? love and hugs Lar Elee Eng Society AGM on weekend. B. day 20th October 1995 19th October in LT G at 17:00 ^ Look, there's a little man "¿V Trigs + Sherlock - we (Week 7) in Lecture Theatre on my arm! - well, halluci- missed you last weekend. F at 6.30pm. Duke of Edinburgh's Soc nations are better than if Most guys would have Bowling at the Spectrum on thrown a party. But you Tennis Club AGM, Monday Tuesday 17th Oct. MeetinLT you fell over! 16th October (Week 7) in the To Jockie, where did you watched TV and talked. B at 6.00pm or the Teddies Love your two Sweeties. "Grant Mitchell Room" at get it. get those love bites, 7pm. answers to Mech Eng No- •¿V Nick, Matt, Si - thankx for Anyone willing to transcribe tice board. From Bimbo the party & next time can Squash Club AGM, Mon- notes for overseas students? and Spooner we play spank the school day 23rd October (Week 8) in Student volunteers needed ^ Wimboume boy, on for a boy?! the "Grant Mitchell Room" at now from all subjects. Please bit of amour? Watch this ik To the crotchsniffer, are 7pm. contact Rob Jackson, ext space. 4snxx you touchy about your Interested in setting up a 9261. PS. Some of this may •¿V House 79: same again cheese intake? Love the Taiwan Society? contact S. be paid work armpit snifrer. Christmas, but our place. Tu via Stag Hill Court pigeon MethSoc AGM - Thursday "A" Never let it be said that holes. -Cf Boring as f*=**? I'm still Mark follows his dick 19 October at 6:30pm in finding out!! "Fizz fizz ", said the Bare Canoe Club AGM, Sunday TB20. This is the permanent •¿V BLANKET PUNISH- Facts Secretary as the beer Week 10 at 4pm in the "Grant venue from now on. MENT mats came off - thank you Mitchell Room". Postgraduate Association ^ S. - How many times have sod! Pakistan Society Reception (PGA): AGM Thursday 26th I told you not to barf in the ^ Jo, thanks for the yummy Tuesday 17th October in Lec- October l-2pm TB 19 morning! - other people dinner last Friday come + ture Theatre L at 6.30pm. All NetbaU Club GM to be held have to use the barftoom visit soon. We will return welcome. too!-T. on 16th October at 8pm in the favour Luv Vic+Rach Sports Hall Babes, am I falling in xxx Higher Degree Conferment Ceremonies- 1st December love? You'll have to wait So Sam, I heard that Alan Turkish Society AGM Wed- and see!! 1995. Will any student wish- nesday 25th October at 6pm makes a good hearthrug - ing to participate in the De- To all Civ Eng's GET A would you agree? inTB21 LIFE!! See Yellow Pages. gree Ceremony and who has Lula, wetsuits should fit Cricket (Mens + Womens) ^ Trigger, skipping lectures not yet returned the reply to snugly. Great weekend, the Registry, please do so as AGM Sunday 15th October to see the fish and chip can't wait to do it again. soon as possible. in CampusSport after nets at woman again? Watch it Lets hope were not DE- 7:20pm her boss is on to you!! NIED to privilege. Love 20 Students needed • to be Vicki-remember 04.35, Piglet part of the audience on Kilroy EGM Rugby Club, Tuesday Sunday 22nd, go schuey ^ We spotted 2 little mechies on news issues. If interested 24 Oct (Wk8) 7.00pm Grant love XXX doing aerobics + were im- call Eleanor Brent on (0181) Mitchel Room •¿^ The ghosts of past, present pressed. 6142936 to be held on Mon- Gamesoc GM, 22nd October and future invaded Bows day 20th November. 5 pm LTA Sport 13 Campusport Physiotherapist Visits Campusdance Campusport Performance A reminder to all Sports Please support this new initia- NRITYAM DANCE COM- cians, a tabla player, a sitar Safety Officers that FIONA tive between the hospital and PANY player and a vocalist. will h& taking part in the SUN- the university. 'Temple to Court" DAY FIRST AID COURSE Free pre-performance talk to (refphysio.doc) ticket holders in TBI9 - Aii- at 7.00 p.m. in the Tap Room on Wednesay 18th October son Turner on "Kathak from at the Campusport Centre. 8.00 p.m. in the PATS Dance Tempie to Court". Studio The renowned Kathak Tickets at £3.50 from Cam- Step Aerobics dancers, Sujata Banerjee and pusport Centre or Information Ashim Bandhu Bhattacharya Office Places are available for Step ginners in the Campusport give a highly charged theatri- (refnrityam.doc) on Mondays at 1.00 p.m. and Centre Studio. cal performance, full of ex- Step and Sculpt (a step class uberance and subtle nuances, Cost: £7.99 (with DOSH) or with circuits) on Fridays at accompanied by three musi- £12 (without DOSH) for die 1.00 p.m. Joanna Payne term's course. teaches this lively workout which is open to complete be- Campusport

COMMUNISM & SPORT NEXT TUESDAY - 17th OC- Uutside AW buildin Past, Present and Future TOBER at 6.00 p.m. inTB 18 [Prof Jim Riordan] Open AND FREE to all The first in a series of open sports lectures (ref.connmulec.doc)

rings for securing Campusport motorcycles SPORTS OPEN LECTURES

Autumn Semester 1995 •UNIVERSHY OF SURREY' starting on Tuesday 17th October

An 'open' series of lectures to widen one's perspective of sport - students, staff and members of the public are «welcome.

WHERE? TBI» WHEN? eoo pjn. CAREERS IN THE NAVY & RAF HOW MUCH? FREE!! THE PROGRAMME

Tues. l7lfiOclobcr "COMMUNISM 4 SPOItr - Past, PresentJim Rjordajt, Professor in The University Liaison Officers for and Future Linguistics and International Ihc Navyand Ihc R.AF Studies, Liaison Centre for wtll bc visiting eiic campus International Affairs & EU te Sports Studies. on lite roliow'ing dalcs to carry out informai intcrviews for anyonc interestcd in joining rUes. 24 th October -EKBtaSE - HOWSAITARE YOUT" Jason Devereax, PhD Student Kobens Instate of Health S onc ofthese Services: Safety, American CöUtse of Sports Medicine.

Navy: Tues 24 Octobcr Tites. 3! s! October "PSYCHOt/XY INSPOPT • THE WIU. TO Mareen Kearney, PhD Student in WIN' Exercise Psychology and Health & fitness Club Manager. RAF: Fri 24 November

Tues. yOiNovember "EAT YOURSarm-HOW DIETS Nicky Gilbert, Lecturer in EWtaSZ WOKK TOGETHER" Nutrition and Diet.

Please see Nadine Hunier in [he Careers Service Tues. HthNovember "HEALTH TODA Y, HERE TOMORROWNoreen • Kearney, Health t io make an appointment HOW EXERaSEAJTECTS YOUR HEALTH'Fitness Club Manager.

Tues. ZlstNovember 'THEMACICOeiCE- THE VALUEOF Mark Amali, Master Dipkena in CRYOTHERAPY FOR THE TREATMENTFitness OF Training and Sports INJURIES' Therapy.

Tues. Zeth November 'MOVING EXPERIENCES - DANCE ASLouise Norster, dmpu.^dance RECREATJON' Manager.

• CAREERS SERVICE rOR rUSTHER INrO«MATKW COKTACT NOKEN KEAXNCT @ CAMnJSPOKT OM EON. 5222 14 Sport Hiking Club - Are yos looking for food Exmoor '95 at tlio most reasonablo price? s A NEW ERA tumed into a route march as by 6pm we competed a total DAWNED at the distance of ...yes 14 miles! AUniversity, (UNusually long). The eve- something's Fm glad to ning saw us hit the local alco- say will never change. As hol establishment....and then usual we were all there is the one about Martin and his glasses....enough optimistic about setting said! The money earning off on time, as usual we types generously bought a ended up leaving at a round...NOT, (Tim "where is Corne and eat frustratingly late hour of my wallet?" E). the afternoon, weil at evening (these working We headed for the coast on Sunday for an easy stroll. A LAKESIDE RESTÄURÄOT types are worse than few of the poor soûls from the students!). We had the previous day took the easier (Open lunchtime 12.00 -14.00) usuai chippy stop, option of staying on the bus. on erecting tents some TThe group were dropped off, unearthly hour, and after our hero of a driver (who 23rdOCrOBER 1995 me?) tackled a 1 in 4. The Monday, Week 8 crawling into our bags weather was again perfect, oh nackered. the joy of wallang in Septem- ber and Semesterisation! The Friendly Place to Eat and Dñnk After a 2 for the price of 1 in Traditìooal Food Carved & Qaality Buffet in Relaxing Atmaospfaere As the sun peered from be- Taunton??? Brett "I love hind distant hills (no one ac- Merthyr Vale" F headed back Please dial 01483 300 800 ext.9655 for Reservation tually saw it until it was well to sheep country, and we Up), we emerged into warm headed back to our humble sunlight. Wow! this semes- abodes, weil rooms only suit- terisation lark was beginning able for students! I would like to look good. By llam we to end with one question - Walking (UNusually early) How did Jon get his feet •UNIVERSITY OF SURREY' and enjoying a pleasant hike smelling so on the hills (read: mountains cheesy?...Answers on a post- - for the Exmoor moun- card to.... BARCLAVS tain/hill rescue member of the group). After a mid-aftemoon ARE VISITINO OUR CAMPUS beer stop the "pleasant hike" The geriatrie member. THIS TERM AS WELL AS NEXT TERM TO CONDUCT MILKROUND INTERVIEWS

They have about 250 vacancles across the group orwhich 150 are in Business Management For Any Discipline Other vRcancies are in Financial Management Information Technology, Barclaycard and BZW.

Details are on the Barclays reference file (312) in the Carecrs Service

-ÇjiM to the Nadine Hiiiiler in the Carters Service will be sendiug compleied applieolioii forms lo Bardnys

¡fyou woiild like lo apply /Iiis lernt, then please haiidyour Materials Science compiaedform lo the Carters Service by Mon 30 Oetober together with e Careers Service bookiiig forni. 8c Engineering Tiic inien icws wilt take place on 23 November ami Ihc inlen leu (itneiablc will be prcpared by Nadine llunier Department Without whom these pictures would not be in BF -CAREERS SERVICE- Sports 15 SURREY STAR PROFILE (Number 5) Name: Dan Ulmamei How many times do you train Does your sport interfere/im- a week:At least six times. prove your private liferOf Age.24 course! Sport is a part of my What's your ? Dept.:LIS private life. A lot of my friends Worst injuryrl had my neck come from sport. But win broken once, but it did not some, lose some. Sport does- Nicknames:! had one at high happen whilst fencing. n' t always improve my private life. school-"Jelleu" Most memorable mo- mentrWinning the Romanian Who is your role model in (that's where I'm from) Na- your chosen sportrl don' t have Sport (and why) & team for tional Championship. any, but there are some people the Uni.:Fencing,Sabre team. I admire. I can't stay away from it, I Favourite drink:sparkling have been fencing for almost mineral water Which sports person would sixteen years. you most like to meet:Michael Favourite meal:pasta Jordan What do you get out of sport Favourite pop group:Bruce Now you're a "Surrey Star" at Surrey:! don't know yet, I Springsteen have just arrived at Surrey as who do you dedicate this one of the five Eastem Euro- Are you superstitious:A little profile to:Teodora pean scholars. Club Profiles (Number 3) Club: Jiu Jitsu Club: Jiu Jitsu Ship, Burger King (before we were warming up, dump- gradings) ing around a lot), one of the Club Members: 30 + girls didn't notice her under- Clubs Motto: Training night(s): Wednes- wear Coming adrift, but we FIB/OutchAVho ate all the did. day (8 to 10), Sunday (6 to 8) pies?/Did you spili my pint? Participation fees: £2 Most exotic tour: The Jitsu Most trouble the club has Nationais: Everyone goes to No of Freshers: 20+ been in: Our instructor or- somewhere near Birmingham, ganised a special 'develop- No. of Final Years: 4 gets pissed and .then attacks ment course' for us and each other with baseball bats, No. of Postgrads: 3 invited every blackbelt south knives, chairs etc. while hun- of Aberdeen. No-one tumed gover. Age Range: 18to40 up. Club's regular drinking Methods of raising club Amusing Memory: While on funds: Demanding subs with hole/eating establishment to a course at Brunei University frequent: Chancellors, The menaces Noreen's Training Tips

7. When doing repeated excercises involving knee bends, don't take them past 90 degrees or you will stretch the knee supports.

8. When doing excercises involving the repeated bending and straightening of knees or ankles, don't lock the joints in place - you will wear away the cartilage. Men's Hockey 2nds Lose Whilst On The Weed! SPORT Surrev Uni 1 Mid. Surrev 2 the most edgy of players. After a bad start the team im- FTER THE proved the drill and man A marking reached levels sel- BRILLIANT dom witnessed in Ists let MID-WEEK alone the 2nds. We were a Sittingbourne performance vs. disappointing 0-2 down at Brighton the 2nds could half time. Mid Surrey, how- have done with a game ever, could not allow for a Sit Up and half time pep talk by Laurie, on astro to build their who's main advice was ever growing "Keep Calm", (weil knock Take Notice of confidence. me down with a feather). Sur- So it was a bit of a bummer rey came out fir the 2nd half that we had to play one of our on a mission. A graduai adap- Surrey Rugby few matches of the season on tion to the surface and deter- that most prolifìc of weeds, mination was rewarded by a g**ss. goal by our now top scorer Ist. Not to put to fine a point on it (2), Rob Goodie. Taking the hockey on g**ss is sh*te., the suiface into account I would T WAS THE visitors half. Pressure play 2nds were unable to show off rat this performance above SECOND round of forced a mistake from Sitting- those wonderful talents that vs. Brighton. Final score bourne 3 yards out. Ideal for was 1-2 in favourof Mid Sur- the Pilkington Shield which shocked Brighton just I the AJ Beckett special, and a few days earlier. We were rey. Man of the Match; Mar- and Surrey carne up the captain of the day scored fortunate enough to have the shall against Sittingbourne, a his fourth try of the season. day's squad augmented by club in a much higher Surrey lead 8-7. Laurie who's calming tones (GK) can ease the nerves of even league. Kent two no less. Just before half time saw the Surrey were up against it first injury of the match. The from the start with key cool-headed Fitz goes down Players out through covered in blood demanding injury. some Vaseline, some TLC, to go back on and photographic Audio Visual Services Sittingbourne tumed up with evidence of the injury. Ste- a pack that must have had a 10 wart McGuire on as the blood are pleased to he associared with and he prinling for stone advantage over Sur- replacement qualified him for rey's fit and agile counter- match fees, which he stili parts. their fly-half had a owes. The University of Surrey useful boot but was put to shame by a supporter deliver- Second half, Sittingbourne ing the match ball back onto came back. They took their Students' Union the pitch, the two back lines time after seeing some excel- were even, Surrey never hav- lent play from Surrey. Strong ing a problem defending and running from Colin Sewell, "Bare Facts" gaining some space to run up excellent support from the the wings. back row — Simon Watts, Tim Morozylo and Foggy — A warm welcome is extended to ali University An overconfident start from and good line out ball from Staffi. Students lo fulfìllyour requirements in Sittingbourne soon saw them Don Wilton and Jason Mun- give away a kickable penalty. day. Visitors came back with The nervous but accurate a penalty and two tries to seal boot of Fitz woke Surrey up, the match 22-8. The score Prihting & Photocopying putting them 3-0 up after a doesn't reflect the excellent few minutes. the weight ad- game by Surrey which left so vantage up front soon gave many players deserving man Graphic Design Sittingbourne the chance to of the match. Weil played. take Surrey for a walk from Pliotography five yards out. Efforts to pre- Sldppy vent a try led to a penalty try Television Aiidio being awarded. Easy conver- sion left Surrey down 3-7. ProjeQtion' Services^ Straight back into it, Surrey (.externemmtomers welcomii}, took the game back into the . " P ^ * •• '" ' ~ ' ' tinìversityof Surrey, . Gu^ldic^. Surrey, GW25XH. . - , Tel: (014^) 259290 Fax (01483) 259390 -