Rag Facts, Issue No. 856, 13.10.1995

Issue 856 University of Surrey Students' Union l^th October 1995 His*« iff. 2 RAG RAG Ents Rag^s Charities We now have the ali new RAG week agenda. Which is com- Don't panic !!!!!!!! This is Duncan's Fund - A charity pletely different to that published in the RAG Mag beacause going to be one of the only chosen by Duncan's Parents l'm a stupid bint! So read this one and ignore that one. serious parts of this issue of Duncan was a student and Come along have a laugh, drink loads and fall over. Lots of love Rag's own Bare Facts. member of Rag when he was Sarah x I'll keep it short and sweet, accidentally killed on stage a like the Rag Tart thinks she is number of years ago. (!!!), but the serious side of Rag is that we are tîng very The money raised is shared hard (honest!) to raise money equally between them. for various charities. We do Takings on the door from the this in many ways but mainly Rag Aftermath will be split S(rt.l4thOct- \ by putting on Rag week and between the Hanscombe other events throughout the Ward of the Royal Surrey 7pm \Headsl year. The aim is get students Hospital and The Handi- involved in Rag whilst enjo- capped Children's Pilgrim- Karaoke\8t ^^ ying themselves i.e. The Beer age Trust (H.C.P.T) Blind Date Night Race. We also go out and Raid towns, this year London Two members of staff on Tue.l7th Oct- Underground for three days Campus have children with and Guildford this Friday!, Erbs Palsey and therefore we After thc^tLyCattle Mar will be running an event for So far we have raised in the the charity. Bar Quiz so, region of £4000 to be split Please help as much a between this year's chosen possible and have loads of &n W([ds.l8th Oct- charities and need your help to raise a lot more. too. 7pm Beer Drinkini Thanks everyone in advance This years charities are: - we need to beat last years Competition BIBIC - British Institute for total of £7000. ThiÌRS.19th Oct- Brain Injured Children Claire Harkett - Rag Sec. Help the Aged (Cos they )m Hypno^co helped us in London!!!!!) fut on Monday) Guildford Aids Line Fri20th0ct- " ChildLine Raystede Centre for Animal 7pm ^"UWl'tisie Disco Welfare j^jmo. 16/17 NORTH STREET, GUILDFORD SURREY GU1 4AF TELEPHONE: 01483 303218 Happy Hour Monday to Friday 5 to 7 pm All Night Wednesday Cocktails from £3.00 Cocktails Include: CômôrtaLie ^crew, înapore Siinay fêacli ^trau/Lerr^ ^lâuûiri, i^rarul^ ^^ùxander, fîna ôiada, êiiow EU Yâi 'ÏJai, .^Jârt/eu ^lA/aULanêr, YJâratiepiia, dlon^ îiand ^ceJ, êa, Î3lue fjlaôotif (^louJj^ X/ision, ^tocLin^ o Rag Photos ó THK rAg TEAM MISSION IMPOSSIBLE The eariy morning mists had yet to clear, the birds had yet to start singing, but the rAg TEAM was up and moving. Their mission: OPERATION V.C. KIDNAP. The team: SAM DI LIETO - Rag Chair SARAH HORTON - Rag Ents fi CLAIRE HARKETT - Rag Sec PETER COLLINS - Rag Pub NICKY HOLMES - Rag Astronut AMY PRICE - Rag Tart ROB DOREY - Comms Officer (Photographer) CHRISTIAN WELFARE - Stage Crew (Rope Holder) The Time: Far too early, Far away a lone figure closed the large front door and climbed into the spacious Jaguar, started the engine and drove towards the ambush. Through high pow- ered binoculars Sam followed the movements of the Jaguar through the morning traffic, "Move out!" The team all moved as one, taking up their positions around Senate House. Soon the top floor had been secured, four builders were locked in a cupboard, a secretary was dragged kicking and screaming and thrown out of an open window. The V.Cs person- al assistant was then stapled to the underside of her desk and our target was all alone as he entered the lift, slightly bemused at the absence of his P.A. he unlocked his office and sat down behind his desk, then we pounced....here are the results. IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO YOU ARE OR WHERE YOU COME FROM- IFYOU'VEGOTA PROBLEM AND NO- ONE ELSE CAN HELP- IF YOU CAN FIND THEM YOU CAN HIRE- 4 RAG Union Officiais Mandates President - Sharon General Postgrad. Students STAGE CREW - Penelope Pitstop, Secretaiy-Corrina - Ofiìcer-Jackie - AU of stage crew - Ant Hill Upon seeing any RAG offi- Aunt Sally. She-Ra. Mob, and must on hearing ciai in their mandate must Must have big rosy cheeks, Must wear as little as possible Pen. Pitstop must run to ber shout "Help. Help!!!" Must and a RAGdoll image. Must without getting arrested, and rescue shouting "We'll help run with straight legs, wear he heard to say "Another cup help He-Man in his fight you Penelope..", and will knee high leaÄer boots, and of tea and a slice of cake?" at against evil. Upon demand, cater to ber every need. copious amounts of lipstick, least 20 times a day. must buy everyone a drink. especially between dusk and Must were yellow souwesters Extemal Affairs Professional throughout RAG week. dawn at the request of the Offìcer-Kate - Miss Placement Ofßcer- Chief Steward. Piggy. Clare - Olive Oil. B.F. TEAM Student Aifairs Must wear pink ali over (or go Must wear a very short mini Jeff Blackham - Officer-Andrea - naked) and upon seeing Ker- Sylvester the Cat. Wonder Woman, skirt, the most stupid top she mit, must shout "Oh Kermy, can find. Must he constantly Must constantly try and eat Must wear thigh high blue Kermy I love you!!", and if getting into trouble and need- Tweety Pie, and chase ber ali plastic boots and when hear- Kermit annoys then she must ing the help of the superhe- around the building ali night ing the words "Help, Help ! !" Karate chop him with a shout roes as mentioned above. long until a RAG officiai Wts must spin round and shout of "HIIIIIIYYYYYYAAA Sports him with a broom. "Wonder Woman!" and las- AAHHHHHHHHHHHH HH!!!!!!!" Cnairperson-Dave - Steve French - soo the culprit with her magic Tintin. Popeye. lassoo. Treasurer-Franco - Comms. Officer- Must wear blue pedal Must wear a stripy top and Wee Willy Winkie. pushers, turtle neck jumper, bell-bottoms, and smoke a Rob - Action Man, Must cuddle his blanket and and have a nice quiff to his pipe, and eat spinach, and Must wear combat gear with suck his thumb, and wear a French Crop. On offer of a drink spinach, and adore blue Y-Fronts, and upon de- nightshirt - NO P.J.'S.... pint or on hearing the word Olive Oil, and punctuate his mand, must drop bis trousers Stage Guinness must shout "Hey B.F. articles properly. Must to reveal his lovely blue y- Manager-Cookie - Snowy, I can see the pub from also say "Agh, agh, agh", fronts. Bananaman. here." whenever he sees Olive. Sports Officer- Must wear a blue and yellow Steve - Mowgli, suit with Y-Fronts on top, and Must wear a loin cloth and carry a iarge inflateable ba- swing through the union on nana which he must keep well Stage Crew's equipment. away from the RAG chair. On Upon demand, must sing that request must charge to anyo- he want's to he "Like you-ho- ne's rescue shouting "This is ÄAGHypno disco ho..." a job for BANANAMAN!!" Ents. Offlcer-Alan - Environmental Pink Power Ranger. Offìcer-Steve - Wears only pink Lycra with Pingu, pink headgear and skiing Must say "Eek, Eek" to order goggles. Must upon seeing a beer at the bar. Wonder Woman leap into ac- Equcd tion, spring daintily and at- tack the aggressor using his Opportunities special Karate moves, and his Omcer- Michael - "Power Bow"... Kermit the Frog. Must wear a tasteftil green ali Internai Affairs over and cut off his ears, and Officer-Antonia - upon seeing Miss Piggy must TXveety Pie. tiy to ward off her advances, (See Jeff Blackham).Must and must take the punishment say "I Thought I saw a puddy when it is served. tat" upon seeing Jeff and run Bare Facts Thurs,19th Oct away. Secretary-Sophie Union -EvüEdna, Main Union Chairperson-Dave - Wear an aerial firom her head He-Man. and fizz when people talk to Must wear tight rubber her. swimming trunks, and a Women's sword on his back - his bare Ofiìcer-Kerri - back. Upon seeing a RAG of- Mavis Cruet (faiiy ficiai must raise the sword Tickets on sale above his head and shout "By in Willow the Wisp), the power of RAG, I have the Must wear a pink tutu and from Monday in the power...." and raise his sword carry a wand. Main Union Foyer in the air.... RAG 5 Mandates for Rag A) AU of Rag sings Trace should lie on her which destroy the environ- a flimsy cardboard shotgun. back with legs in the air. ment and so on and so on... At 10.10 p.m. Vem will go Will be sold at Slaves at a on/front of stage and shout Slave Auction to take place at D1 Mike Siri - Vice H) Peter Collins - to be Roger Mellie the "You won't take me alive cop- the General Meeting next Chair to be San the per" and PRETEND to shoot Tuesday 1 p.m. Will be in the Fat Slag Man on The Telly himself. When anyone asks Union each evening between Must wear fish net stockings Roger must at all times speak Vem where he is going, he 8.45 p.m.

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