THE MICHIGANNow in TECHNICOLOR! REVIEW Volume 19, Number 6 The Campus Affairs Journal of the University of Michigan November 8 - 22, 2000 BAMNboozled! The Rape of a How Jessica Curtain Lied and Swindled MSA for Money Young Man’s

BY MATTHEW S. SCHWARTZ Matt Nolan, an opponent. Both Mind, Sign ICHIGAN STUDENT assured Assembly members that the Assembly representative BY ADAM DANCY M Jessica Curtin, who was events during the ultimately responsible for scheduling the week would be NN ARBOR IS a tricky place activities of "Affirmative Action 102," bipartisan in nature. to live. After a mere two deliberately lied to the Assembly at its Oct. MSA voted to months as a resident here, my 3 meeting in order to acquire an extra allocate $3,000 each A concept of reality has been severely skewed. $3,000 to engender student support for toward bringing in This is a place where it appears that Ralph racial preferences. Her attempt failed, but two noted speakers: Nader has a decent various activities have come to light that Jesse Jackson in chance of being elected call into question whether she ever defense of racial president; where intended AA102 to be a balanced preferences, and J. Pratt/Review Contrary to popular belief, BAMN members do not fundamentalism of any examination of affirmative action. Ward Connerly in actually live out on the Diag, it just seems like they do. kind has been beaten, On Sept. 26, MSA approved spending opposition. flogged, and left to die; over $11,000 to fund "AA102," a week Connerly, chairman where all views are intended to spark debate over the use of of the American Civil Rights Institute, and preferences in California. accepted, and diversity is racial preferences in admissions. The former regent of the University of Connerly charges $10,000 per debate the battle cry. Actually, original motion proposing AA102 was co- California, chaired the California Civil appearance, so more money was needed. in my first two months here, the word sponsored by Curtin, a proponent of racial Rights Initiative that helped pass See BAMNboozled on Page 7 diversity has been thrown in my face and preferences, and Communications Chair Proposition 209, ending all forms of racial shoved down my throat by the administration, and political student groups, especially, and most vocally, the Diag Surrenders, MSA Elections Back Coalition to Defend Affirmative Action by Any Means Necessary (BAMN). However, BY MICHAEL AUSTIN AND GINA Independents have joined the race. The this group has yet to demonstrate that they FRATERNALI main parties are the incumbent Blue Party, have any concept of the meaning of this the newly founded Michigan Party, and the word. ICK OF NEVER knowing what is Defend Affirmative Action Party (DAAP). Just a few short weeks ago, the Peace going on at school? Each has party has its own platform and and Justice Commission of the Michigan Feel like no one is there to help the goals for the future of MSA. Student Assembly (MSA) and BAMN S sponsored the ten day-long Affirmative students? If you fall into this category, or However, all has not been smooth thus if you are just sick of the way things are far. Some controversy erupted the day Action 102 program, designed to inform run at this school, then it is time for you before the deadline to sign with a party. and convince students of the benefits of to do something. On November 15th and As the ballot clearly indicates, the Michigan affirmative action. It was extravagant: Jesse 16th, the Michigan Student Assembly Party is running only 7 candidates for the Jackson showed up and everything. This (MSA) elections will be held. This is your 8 open in LSA. The reason for this is a last all wrapped up the afternoon of Thursday, chance to make some changes. minute switch by sophomore MSA-LSA October 19th, with the Day of Action rally There are 21 open seats this term: 8 candidate Jessica Cash. After initially and march through the Diag. in LSA, 3 in both Engineering and committing herself to the Michigan Party, The program was hailed as a Rackham, 2 in Business, and 1 each for she told them she would not be running celebration of diversity. It was a sham. Dentistry, Medicine, Music, Nursing, and with them, and then committed herself to J. Wilson/Review Social Work. Michigan Party Chairman, Doug Tietz See RAPE on Page 3 In order to capture these seats, three See MSA on Page 8 parties have been formed and 9 hopeful First three copies free,additional copies 50 cents. www.michiganreview.com Stealing is Illegal and a sin (Exodus 20:15) Serpent’s Tooth From El Señor Guípe 2 4 Suite One 5-6 Columns 10 Features 11 and then some

Matt and Jake got on 60 Min- More about AA102 (we’ll Jim DOESN’T write about After a year off, we have El Señor Guípe and La utes and helped Ed Bradley stop reporting on it if they guns, but rather about music reviews again, but Señorita Margarita are back. rip the administration a new stop making news about it) kickball. Mike goes after that does not mean wine And no, I don’t think either one. Meanwhile, BAMN just and our MSA endorsements. communism. Unlike the reviews will be back. of them are remotely His- beats up a freshman. Let’s hope history is on our Daily, our columnists actu- panic. side once more. ally hate communism. Page 2 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — SERPENT’S TOOTH November 8, 2000

SERPENT’S TOOTH THE MICHIGAN REVIEW Robert DeNiro recently gave Hillary same homeless people earlier that day, but Clinton a kiss during her 53rd birthday didn’t have enough weed left for them. The Campus Affairs Journal of the bash/fund raiser. One can only hope that University of Michigan the real world is somewhat like DeNiro's “Well I’m all broken up about that man’s rights.” movies, in which Hillary will be "whacked" Last Friday saw yet another marijuana James Y. Yeh later. rally on our fair Diag, with drug Editor-in-Chief paraphernalia freely passed around. Wow, a blind man. good thing it was only joints and bongs, A 20-year old man from New James Justin Wilson Russia has announced that it plans to because you know if it was a rally to lower Publisher, Managing Editor dump the Mir space station into the Pacific the drinking age and underage drinkers Bloomfield, Missouri was charged with ocean this Febuary. As part of the ongoing were drinking, DPS would’ve broken out endangering the welfare of children after Michael D. Austin push for cooperation in space exploration, the tear gas and fire hoses before you can he handed out condoms and sealed syringes Managing Editor the descent will be controlled by US say “beer buzz.” to trick-or-treaters. What, no live ammo Senator Ted Kennedy with assistance from and blasting caps? Matthew Franczak former Russian president Boris Yeltsin. National Affairs Editor Russian police stormed the R. Colin Painter headquarters of the Smirnoff vodka Matt, before Senior Editor The Russian Parliment recently distillers last weekend, fighting off bottle- surgery considered a bill to establish a "Voice of throwing employees. Meanwhile, cops that D.C. Lee Russia" radio station to ensure the survival were actually old enough to drink opted Campus Affairs Editor of freedom and democracy in the United for the easy way out and just went to the ASSISTANT EDITORS: Ruben Duran States. Moscow has been without an official bar instead. Gina Fraternali American mouthpiece since the fall of Brad Sprecher Communism, as its former network, NPR, FEATURES EDITOR: Kurt Rademacher SATIRE EDITOR: David Guipe remains loyal to the old government The little town of Virgin, Utah has COPY EDITOR: Michael Veeser enacted a new ordinence that would require ONLINE EDITOR: Rabeh Soofi a gun and ammunition in each household MUSIC EDITOR: John Pratt The Post Office is soliciting offers to for self defense. Hmm, that’s one way to LAYOUT: Carl Grant supply 800,000 computers, printers and keep Jehovah’s Witnesses away, isn’t it? STAFF WRITERS: Margaret Allen, Dan Honig, internet access for their employees, because Branden Muhl, Ryan Serra you know, ammunition is much cheaper Jake, before Columbia Law School EDITOR-AT-LARGE: M. Scott Schwartz when you buy it online. It appears that the house that Elian EDITORS EMERITI: Lee Bockhorn Gonzalez lived in during his stay in the Benjamin Kepple Congratulations to Matt and Jake for United States has been bought by members The Michigan Review is the independent, student-run journal A member of the Islamic Jihad recently of his Miami family and will be turned into their role in 60 Minutes’ story on the of conservative and libertarian opinion at the University of lawsuits against the University. Matt got Michigan. We neither solicit nor accept monetary donations rode a bike loaded with explosives toward a shrine. Just two days later, those that from the U–M. Contributions to the Michigan Review are tax- an Israeli outpost before he was stopped played the street number of the house in some good screen time, while Jake kinda deductible under Section 501 (c)(3) of the Internal Revenue got shafted. And kudos to Ed Bradley for Code. The Review is not affiliated with any political party or and killed. A suicidal bomber on a bike? the Floriday lottery each won $5000 university political group. Man, those high fuel prices must be hitting dollars. In a related story, crowds formed ripping into the administration like he did. “Well what if it’s a really good essay? Can Unsigned editorials represent the opinion of the editorial everyone... in outskirts of Miami, where it is reported board. Ergo, they are unequivocally correct and just. Signed that a woman has discovered a tortilla the applicant get TWO points?” A articles, letters, and cartoons represent the opinions of the wonderful job indeed. You’ve renewed our author and not necessarily those of the Review. The Serpent’s bearing the likeness of Elian, and that this Tooth shall represent the opinion of individual anonymous The faculty of Penn State University tortilla has already cured two cripples and faith in the otherwise liberal media. contributors to the Review, and should not necessarily be taken as representative of the Review’s editorial stance. The recently banned booing, or "negative opinions presented in this publication are not necessarily cheering" as they called it, at PSU football those of the advertisers or of the University of Michigan. We games. This might work, but Joe Pa should Subscribe To welcome letters, articles, and comments about the journal. probably ban the team from sucking, or What a great World Series! Take that, Mets fans! By the time this issue reaches the stands, we will know who the next "negatively winning" first president will be. If it’s that gun-grabbing bastard, Al Gore, all The Michigan Review I’ll be asking for Christmas is an M1 Garand and a case of ammo. And if Bush wins, well, I’d probably ask for the same thing. A welcome mat outside an executive For a tax-deductible contribution of $35 or more, you’ll receive a year’s subscription to the Michigan Review, which includes 14 biweekly issues plus our Please address all advertising, subscription inquiries, and box at Shea Stadium has a picture of First donations to Publisher c/o the Michigan Review. Lady Hillary Clinton, the New York annual summer new student issue. Your subscription will allow you to keep tabs on the radical left that infests Ann Arbor, and it will also updated you on the Editorial and Business Offices: senatorial candidate who claimed during The Michigan Review her campaign that she has always loved the continued erosion of traditional academic standards and the politicization of the 911 N. University Avenue, Suite One classroom. 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University Ave. tried and true method, seeing Ralph Nader Ann Arbor, MI 48109-1265 Ann Arbor, MI 48109 had been trying to pay for the votes of these November 8, 2000 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — CAMPUS AFFAIRS Page 3 RAPE Continued from Page 1 Review’s Ready-made Resolution

As many of you may have noticed over the last few years, Jessica Curtain and her lackeys in the DAAP party have Throughout the week, I longed to hear a railroaded MSA right into the fiery pits of hell. What was once a fairly (we use the term loosely) effective student dissenting voice shouting in the streets or government has become nothing more than an extension of her own personal “civil rights” movement. For years we an alternative viewpoint posted on phone have reported on her various transgressions, but each time she wins out because she wields the “race card” like poles. I eagerly waited for the Excalaber in MSA -- any member voting against her is instantly labeled a “white devil” or something like that. The time announcement of a counter-rally. I was has come to finally do away with this pestilence that has fallen on what was once a “Shining City on a Hill” It needs to hoping for students to wake up, stand up, be morning again in MSA. and oppose BAMN’s tyranny. It never happened, and I was left bitterly frustrated. Confidential The University of Michigan’s idea of diversity seems to be a monopoly of This is your mission, should you opinion, not an assortment of many. I was choose to accept it. determined to show that there is a voice of opposition on this campus. But I was not Mission: Impeach Jessica Curtin for about to scream at the top of my lungs- Treason and High Crimes against the surely the assembled crowd would drown Students of the University of Michigan. out my cries. So I made a sign. I made it Suspect Description: to be just as loud as the rally and its marchers. It screamed: “Affirmative Action • Beady, Scary Eyes. Poisons Equality.” I expected glares or • A chill enters the room upon maybe a few nasty comments, but the her arrival. response I received was far more malicious • Often found squatting on Diag. than I could have anticipated. • Occasional sightings of horns poking Led by the marching band from Cass through hair. tech, the march proceeded through the J. Pratt/Review Diag, and around the block. I paraded with the marchers, and allowing my sign to speak for me, I remained silent, amidst the vocal protest of others (In truth, it has That being said, we’ve put together a Review Ready-made Resolution. We know that the people in MSA are busy been quite a while since I have been called chalking the diag and stuff so we decided to take a little weight off their shoulders and write the resolution for them. So, “Uncle Tom” and a “right-wing Nazi”). one of you MSA-types: This isn’t that hard; all it takes is a scissors and a little will power. Go for it! Finally, the march headed back to the Diag, (Cut out and submit to MSA) reentering through the West Hall arch. Once under the arch, the nonviolent demonstrators soon became an angry mob. They began grabbing for my sign, so in 10 foot-wide arch, I was trapped. I did the MSA only thing I could think of: I sat down Michigan Student Assembly midway through the arch. Most of the marchers simply walked around or ignored me, but a few shouted slogans and RESOLUTION to Open an Investigation of Jessica Curtin's Involvement in AA102 Week profanities, spat on me, repeatedly kicked me, and struck my head with the wooden WHEREAS, Jessica Curtin was Officially Censured by the Michigan Student Assembly in Fall, dowels that held their large signs. Once 1999, for misusing her leadership role on Activist Newsletter for personal gain; and my sign was torn to shreds, the crowd dissipated, and their fun was over. I WHEREAS, it was believed that an Official Censure would instill upon Ms. Curtin respect for struggled to stand, and finally limped back MSA and the student funds it collects with which to do its business; and the recognition that it is to my room, enraged. deceitful and immoral to misuse MSA resources for personal gain; Independent of one’s opinions regarding affirmative action, violence HOWEVER, evidence has come to light showing that Ms. Curtin purposely lied to the Assembly should never be tolerated or promoted. regarding funding for Ward Connerly, in an attempt to secure three thousand ($3,000.00) dollars of The phrase “by any means necessary” discretionary funding for pro-affirmative action causes during; and signifies more to me than merely rallying and marching. One might think an WHEREAS, this is but the latest in a long string of offenses spanning many years; and organization bent on promoting diversity would be enthusiastic about allowing an WHEREAS, it is clear that the Censure did not have its desired effect, and in fact appears to opposing viewpoint to be heard. Not so. have had the opposite effect of causing Ms. Curtin to have even less respect for student funds; My bruises faded within a few days, but my opinion of BAMN is irreversible. BE IT RESOLVED: I am relieved that diversity applies to everyone.MR That an official investigation be opened into the most recent of Ms. Curtin's alleged fraudulent This is probably where that “By Any activities during AA102 Week; and Means Necessary” part comes into play. But would BAMN resort to That the results of the investigation be reported back to the Assembly exactly two weeks from cannibalism to defend the current date; at which time the investigative committee will recommend a proper course of action Affirmative Action? concerning the continued status of Ms. Curtin as a member of the Michigan Student Assembly. [email protected] Page 4 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — EDITORIALS November 8, 2000 FROM SUITE ONE The Time Has Come: Impeach Jessica Curtin and Don’t Re-elect DAAP HE’S INCITED A riot, vandalized only a guise of impartiality, and after front a counter-rally during the “debate”. In designed to meet the emergent needs of a police barricade, made illegal copies having already received MSA funding for spite of the partiality built into the process, the entire student body, on a single event. Swith student money, and opposition speakers, Curtin never invited Luke Massie, a political assistant to Ms. Surely one would expect the body to have appropriated mandatory MSA student fees any opponents to the debate. In the end Curtin, wasted no time in emailing the better foresight than to throw all their to boycott a partisan political rally, but the the only speakers to show were on the side leaders of local conservative groups, chiding funds at one issue. Even worse, in trail of crime and abuse doesn’t stop there. of Affirmative Action. them for their “cowardice”. Not only have choosing Jessica Curtin to lead the search Jessica Curtin, MSA representative from As co-chair of MSA’s “Peace and the framers of AA102 perverted their oft- for debate speakers, every MSA member the Rackham graduate school, had higher Justice” commission, Curtin has been mentioned “justice”, but their taunts also go had to recognize a conflict of interest. designs when she returned to campus this charged with the responsibility of fostering a long way to sever any attempts at “peace” Granted, Matt Nolan, an opponent to fall. Her most recent offenses involve the acceptance and integration on campus. in this issue. affirmative action, was chosen to co- embezzlement of $11,000 of MSA Sadly, Curtin’s strange breed of “peace” Unfortunately, the UM is not alone sponsor the program, but the task of discretionary money to showcase excludes dissenting voices. It alienates when it comes to the uncertain selecting speakers was placed squarely on “Affirmative Action 102”, a sham-debate those who may desire dialogue and better appropriation of student fees. The allocation Curtin’s shoulders. on the University’s admissions policy. At understanding. Students may well have of such fees to specific political/religious And the poor decisions don’t stop the September 19th MSA meeting, Curtin enjoyed a cogent debate on the merits of groups has been cause for much debate there. Although Curtin’s proposed budget proposed that the University’s student Affirmative Action, as well as the recently on the national level, with even the was voted on by line item, MSA, ever the government allocate $53,239.05 to fund drawbacks. But there was no room for U.S. Supreme Court weighing in on the issue guardian of University student money, a fair dialogue on Affirmative Action. disagreement. Of course, two weeks before within the past year. saw fit to allocate a portion of the AA102 During the proposal, Curtin told MSA the event Jessica contacted conservative At the University of Wisconsin, a budget to high school students from the members that, although she is a staunch groups to get involved in the process, but student who was tired of funding leftist city of Detroit. The money was to provide supporter of race, she would make special the “debate” had already been months in causes with his mandatory fees, took his transportation for the students to and efforts to secure speakers on both sides of the working (how else would renowned college to court, that he might abolish the from the rally, with dinner to boot. With the issue, such that members of the pro-affirmative action speakers from as far fee requirement. Ruling in favor of the UW, no clear benefit to UM students, this last University community might learn from as California and Massachusetts have made the High Court determined that, since offense grates loudly against the the best minds on either side. MSA time for the event?). With such limited student fees are distributed to student groups constitutional requirements for fee approved Ms. Curtin’s proposal, limiting time for preparation, it is no wonder that irrespective of religion, sex, creed, or political dispersal. Of course these high school her budget to a modest $11,000. With the campus conservatives were unable to affiliation, the University was entitled to students have a vested interest in the keep mandatory student government fees. Affirmative Action debate, but when Because all conceivable groups are given enrolled University students foot the bill support, the Court argues that all students for non-UM students, there is a clear Lets Hope We’re stand to benefit from the fees. misappropriation of funds. Conversely, at the University of Lastly, the event was poorly timed. Michigan, MSA and Jessica Curtin have Given that Jessica Curtin and her allocated a considerable sum towards a comrades conceived of AA102 long ago, Wrong Again: narrow political interest. In their defense, one might have expected that the one might argue that MSA does give money opposition would have had more time to ‘Run with DAAP’ this MSA Election to a wide array of political groups. What prepare. Instead, the proposal was not OR YEARS, THE Review has pertinent student issue like Bombing Iraq one may not realize is that groups like approved by MSA until 18 days before endorsed MSA candidates who or the Arab-Israeli conflict. Doug Tietz’s Students For Life are allocated a scant few the event was to take place. If MSA were promise to reform MSA and make friendly personality and cunning hundred dollars while their left-leaning truly concerned about having an impartial F counterparts, the Students for Choice receive dialogue, they would have allowed for it better serve the students. Two years leadership has no place in MSA. The ago it was the New Frontier Party, which Michigan Party is full of nice, caring considerably more (despite “Life’s” opponents of Affirmative Action to make wanted to make student fees optional, student who just want to make the considerable membership numbers). And their case before the campus community. privatize the dining hall service, and of University a better place. No one should neither of these groups come close to the Perhaps it should come as no surprise that course, two-ply toilet paper in the dorms. vote for them! $11,000 of money allocated for AA102, a the student government at the UM might Then there was the Wolverine Party last So, that’s right, The Michigan Review program that had the veneer of impartiality, have a liberal bias. The tragedy is that year, who wanted to make the campus officially endorses The Defend Affirmative but was in fact another way to fund a narrow singular political interest groups can operate 24 hours. OH yeah, and the Action Party for MSA. There is no doubt interest. squeeze vast sums from student’s pockets FRAT party last fall. They made MSA that their militant leadership and extremely Although Curtin duped MSA, as she with MSA’s blessing with little to no look like the joke that it is. pertinent resolutions will benefit the did the rest of the campus community, the accountability to the people paying the Every year, the party we endorse students. The time has come to put an student government certainly might have fees. Perhaps as long as students remain loses. end to the Blue and Wolverine Party used better judgment when deciding to ignorant of MSA’s missteps and turn a So, this year we had a new idea, Dynasty, with their oppressive student- sponsor the AA102 event. This is not to say blind-eye to Curtin’s egregious breech of endorse the party we want to see lose. focused policies. The atrocious nature of that MSA shouldn’t have supported the trust, the student government’s “old It’s really a win-win situation for us. If their focus on community service, project altogether. In fact, the spirit of the guard” will continue their covert crimes for some ungodly reason they win, we students, and school sprit must come to motion was noble, since it is imperative that under the radar. Perhaps it’s time students break the streak. And if God is truly a an end. Somebody has to do that, and the all parties involved in the University’s realized they had a stake in the allocation merciful god, and they lose, we’re happy DAAP is the party that will. admissions lawsuits be educated on the issue of their fees, and if they would, perhaps and so is everybody else. So, the Review urges you to vote your of race based admissions (this includes the political landscape on campus would We believe that the Michigan Party, conscience on November 16th and 17th. current students, who may be affected by look far different. As it is, student apathy with its student focused agenda, would Vote the party that won’t do anything for the precedent set in this suit, as they apply will only preserve the status quo, leaving take the focus and money away from you. Vote DAAP. MR for future academic programs). MSA’s poor MSA leadership to those who do not balk judgment became apparent when it decided at perpetuating political causes through If you don’t feel the dripping sarcasm in this, all hope is lost for you. Just don’t vote. to allocate 85% of its discretionary budget, dissention, deceit, and theft…“by any means necessary”. MR November 8, 2000 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — COLUMNS Page 5 A CHINK IN THE ARMOR Roll Out a Few Balls... Play dodgeball, because it sure beats murder

T SEEMS LIKE every day we open the for us kids to whip a ball at our classmates, back, it was more than just a game. in two, instructed us to start throwing them newspaper and we see more kids killing and get graded on it. It’s beautiful beyond Dodgeball was the school’s way of letting at each other, then stood back and Ieach other over who knows what. Just words. I remember the rush I used to get us kids blow off steam. It was a release valve officiated. There was no order, no this year, on the first anniversary of the when I played dodgeball. You squeeze the for all the pent up aggression and anger a procedure. If someone was hit by a ball, he Columbine killings, a kid in Canada rubber ball in your hands, and the longer kid feels in school. I remember having class or she knew it, loud and clear. And when stabbed five you hold the ball, the sweatier your palms right after gym class, and I was always at one side has no one left standing, everyone people in his get. You run up to an unsuspecting peace with the world. Then, as time went rushes onto the court for another round. A school. This classmate, and whip the ball at them, on, anger, aggression and angst were all game, simple as that, no regrets, no harm is disturbing hoping they don’t catch it. And if you did bottled up inside until the next time we done. If kids just play a game a week, I to say the everything right, you’re rewarding by that played dodgeball, where we all let it out in guarantee they’ll feel better, physically and least. It refreshing THWACK sound that a rubber a frenzy of flying rubber balls. mentally. proves that ball makes when it strikes human flesh. That’s why kids should be playing Some days, after a hard week, I wish I guns aren’t There were always the slackers, the people dodgeball more than ever today. I read an could just go and play a game of dodgeball. the who refused to participate in gym class (you article on phys ed in today’s public schools Surprisingly, we have no IM dodgeball here. problem, as know the type, the weird kids, the girls who last April, and it said that phys ed isn’t even Maybe that’s for the better though. When I’ve been didn’t want to muss their hair, etc.) and they required in some schools anymore. Well, for you start getting organized and start stating ever James Y. Yeh always used to congregate into clusters. I the love of God, bring it back. Save the competing, you take the fun out of it. since I’ve remember the rush I got when I threw a children. Let them release their aggression Dodgeball should be a happy-go-lucky gotten this column. Rather, it is the basic ball into one of those clusters, and either in a school-sanctioned orgy of violence game: if you get hit, so what, there’s always need for people to commit some primative seeing the kids scatter or seeing the ball known as dodgeball. They can do that, or the next game. One of these days, I just acts of violence. But I think I’ve got a bounce off someone. Malicious, you say? they can go home and play Doom or Quake, want to put together a random game on solution to all of these problems with kids Well, that’s the point of the game! You’re which probably isn’t as healthy. All bets are the Diag. Sure, rolling and diving on the killing each other. In a word: dodgeball. bricks is going to be painful, but it’s worth Yes, you heard me right, dodgeball. it. A few scraped knees and elbows are a That no-brainer gym class favorite we all small price to pay for the tranquillity that a loved from elementary school. If you Save the children. Let them release their dodgeball game offers, and with all the attended public school in the United States aggression in a school-sanctioned orgy of stress that we go through here, tranquillity within the last twenty years, then you goes quite a long way. MR must’ve played dodgeball in one of it’s violence known as dodgeball. They can do that, incarnations at least once. For me, going or they can go home and play Doom or Quake, Imagine that, Jim didn’t write a K-12 in the public schools meant that I column about guns. He started to, played dodgeball aplenty. And you know which probably isn’t as healthy. but about three hundred words into what? Out of all the things I did in gym it, it became apparent that he was class, I miss dodgeball the most (with unintentionally condoning mass kickball and handball coming in a distant not trying to pass the ball to someone, off in dodgeball, all students are equal. There second and third). I think dodgeball will you’re trying to bean someone. If the player are no jocks, no nerds, no babes, and no murder. So, he went with dodgeball solve a lot of problems if it’s played you’re aiming for catches the ball and holds crazies in trenchcoats. Everyone is fair game. instead. Oh well... frequently. onto it, you’re the one that’s out, not him Everyone has an imaginary target painted [email protected] OK, here are the facts: dodgeball, or at (or her, as it happens). Therefore, you have on either their least the way I played it in school, was a to aim the ball at an awkward spot that heads or their bloodsport, no doubt about it. Perhaps would be hard for him or her to catch the crotches. And in there are more civilized ways to play it, but ball. Maybe the legs, the back, if they’re the end, it doesn’t I’ve never encountered any. Out of every running away, or the favorite, the head. matter. If you variation that I’ve played, every single one True, aiming at the head increases the send someone to boiled down to one basic action: hurling chances of the other person catching the the nurses office an object as hard as you can at another ball, but it’s worth it when you see that ball with a nosebleed, classmate. And man, let me tell you, it did bounce off that person’s head. Even when I you were doing wonders for the nerves. wasn’t throwing stuff at people it was fun. what you were Face it, dodgeball was school- Ever be the last guy alive on your side and supposed to be sanctioned violence. Yeah, there was a bit you have to roll and dive to escape the doing. If you get of violence in football, but we always played barrage of balls coming at you? That was a hit, it’s part of the two-hand touch or flag football in gym rush. And even if you got hit, and you game, it’s not class, and football always involved invariably would, you knew it was just a people going after “educational” things like teamwork and game. you. No one plots strategy. There’s no strategy in dodgeball, And that’s my point: it was just a game. revenge after a nor is there any teamwork (unless you’re You can throw a rubber ball (replaced by a rough game of playing the Greatest American Hero yarnball once I got to seventh grade, yeesh) dodgeball. variant). Sure, there were teams, but they at someone’s head as hard as you can, watch Because that’s all only served to differentiate between the kids them get smacked by it, and by the next it was, a game. you should be aiming for and the kids you class period, it’s as if nothing had happened. The gym teacher shouldn’t be aiming for. Come to think of It’s a game, that’s that. Whoever you hit gave us a bunch it, the only thing that dodgeball teaches is and how hard, it was all part of the game. of balls, pointed how to throw a ball and how to dodge. Sure, you’re not suppose to go after just one to a line of tape (Dodge-ball, get it?) It was an opportunity person, but still, it’s just a game. But looking dividing the class Page 6 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — COLUMNS November 8, 2000 THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR COLUMN Freedom, Pure and Simple Or: I Only Want to See Pink on Women’s Underwear, Not On My Government

FUNNY THING happened after the we need to help the poor pay their medical Obviously not everyone understands drug benefits are accepted today will fall of Russia. The United States bills, so let’s start Medicaid. Don’t forget this, or it is just too harsh to deal with, anybody be surprised if someone proposes Alost an enemy. This in itself, this about grandpa and grandma either, they because now both major political parties nationalizing the pharmaceutical industry was not a bad thing, but the consequences need a little help too, so let’s create are doing all they can to promise senior in order to keep prices down? We already were a little more sinister. Without the “evil Medicare and Social Security. citizens that they’ll get their drugs for have Ralph Nader proposing an upper limit empire” lurking on the other side of the I’m not about to suggest that we don’t cheap. on income combined with a massive world, communism ceased to be a threat. need to help those who are less fortunate. Meanwhile, everyone seems to forget increase in the minimum wage. That’s right Consequently, It’s just that government programs have a that every government program costs folks, the redistribution of wealth, which Marxist thought funny way of never going away. In fact they money, and that money comes out of your is one step away from all-out socialism. has infiltrated its tend to get bigger as the years go on. paycheck. Actually it comes out of a lot Perhaps I’m being a little paranoid. But way into our Nowadays nobody would dream of more than your paycheck. If you haven’t the point is that socialist and communist society at a level eliminating Social Security (all those noticed, we get taxed a lot. Property tax, ideas have become commonplace today. that would usher seniors are a big voter demographic, didn’t sales tax, income tax, capital gains tax; you Anybody should be free to express these in Senate hearings you know), but when you look at the name something that involves money, and ideas, but to implement them in our in years past. concept of giving people money for nothing there’s probably a tax on it. In fact, for every government goes against everything that Now I’m not it’s easy to see how it’s only a few steps away gallon of gasoline purchased we’re paying has made our country great. The United about to suggest from total redistribution of wealth. The sales tax on top of the 37.5 cent state and States was founded on the concept of that we need Michael thing that bothers me the most about federal taxes already levied. That’s right, freedom, pure and simple. The government another Joe Austin Social Security is that it doesn’t even make you are paying tax on your tax! Let me ask is supposed to take as little role in your life McCarthy, or that sense. You get benefits for what, growing you something: would it be a good idea if as possible. That starts with cutting taxes, McCarthyism was so that people have more freedom to make good in the first place. First of all it invaded their own economic decisions because they and even ruined the lives of thousands of have more money in their pockets. And law-abiding citizens. It also did little to The government has a larger role in our lives when people have more money, they defeat communism, as all the real benefit all of society either by putting more communists had to do was offer up a than ever before, and it increases more and money into the economy or by actually scapegoat from time to time to keep the more each day. The minimum wage keeps adding to the economy by creating heat off themselves. In reality the only businesses and jobs. positive thing that came out of increasing without regard to its impact on the Now, there are a lot of things wrong McCarthyism was a deep fear of with the United States. I’m not about to communism and socialism in the hearts of economy. The progressive income tax is pretend that our country, or capitalism, is all the citizens. considered fair. All out entitlement programs perfect. But it is the best system in the That day is long past us, and so is the world, and it’s no wonder why our borders fear of communism. People seem to have like Social Security are taken for granted. are flooded with immigrants who want to forgotten all the bad things about live where they are free to choose how to communism that make it a fundamentally People in Washington think they know how to make and spend their money. If there is a flawed system. So now we have little red better country in the world, I challenge baby steps in our government programs, handle your money better than you do. anyone to move there. Any takers? I didn’t slowly leading us down the path of think so. All over the world new socialism. Don’t believe me? Ask yourself governments are forming, and most of if the concept of universal health care old? Nice job! Why, I’d be happy to let you the postal service sent every letter they them choose to have a capitalistic would have even been considered twenty take some money out of my paycheck and deliver to Washington D.C. first and then democracy. Let me put it this way: if big years ago. Any lawmaker that proposed take care all you old folks who didn’t have sent it out to its final destination? Of course government is so good, how come nobody nationalizing that much of our economy the common sense to save some money for not, that would be a waste of both time starts their government out that way? would have been laughed out of the Capitol retirement! and money. Yet people seem to thing this If history has taught us one thing, it is building, and then beaten up by his The whole prescription drug benefit is a great way to handle your taxes. that the free market reigns supreme and constituents when he returned home. issue drives me crazy too. Why is it that I bet you’re wondering where this is that socialism was a failed experiment. The Not that everything has gone south everybody assumes that old people all leading. Well today must be your lucky only major country left in the world that right after the wall came down. Our shouldn’t have to pay full price for day because I’m going to tell you. The still operates under such an obsolete system government is huge - unbelievably huge - anything? Apparently the laws of government has a larger role in our lives is China. In China the basic standard of and it’s been that way for a long time. If I economics cease to exist for anyone who than ever before, and it increases more and living would be called savage by our have to fault President Reagan for one can’t pay the market value for a product. more each day. The minimum wage keeps standards, as a majority of its population thing, it would have to be that he didn’t Yes, there are life saving drugs out there increasing without regard to its impact on doesn’t have the conveniences we take for keep those big-government liberals that many seniors can’t afford, and that’s a the economy. The progressive income tax granted like running water and telephone running the Congress on a short enough tragedy. But the cold harsh truth is that is considered fair. All out entitlement lines. Oh, let’s not forget Cuba, a country leash. But I digress. We are faced with two pharmaceutical companies are in business programs like Social Security are taken for so great that people risk their lives on main questions: how did we get where we to make money. That means when a granted. People in Washington think they cardboard rafts to float to the United States. are, and why is it bad? company invests millions of dollars into know how to handle your money better The average income there is about $1,500 The road to socialism is paved with research, it needs to make a return on that than you do. a year. But then again, I hear they have a good intentions. You see, a long time ago investment when a product actually works. As I said earlier, some government great universal health care program. MR someone thought we should have a So if a drug company was forced to sell a programs are a good idea. With our eyes government program to take care of those product at cost, or even give it away, they blinded by apathy, however, these programs people who were down on their luck probably won’t even bother to bring the have outgrown their original scope and See your name in print! Write us! between jobs. So we got welfare. Oh, and product to market in the first place. taken a life of their own. If prescription [email protected] November 8, 2000 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — CAMPUS AFFAIRS Page 7

MSA and the U-M Administration for your cowardice," he wrote. abused MSA resources for her own political BAMNboozled promised that Connerly would be treated Most recipients of this letter took purposes, producing $489 worth of civilly, unlike his March 1998 visit in offense to its sarcastic tone. photocopies – over 17,000 in all – to Continued from Page 1 which he was booed at, shouted at, and "I was disappointed when I read Mr. publicize leftist events. treated disrespectfully by any standards. Massie’s comments," said Barb Lambert, Many have since predicted that Curtin Luke Massie, a non-student intimately At the Oct. 3 MSA meeting, Curtin president of the College Republicans, would again twist MSA into a tool for her involved with the campus racial preferences told the Assembly that Connerly had shortly after receiving the letter. "I own political purposes. Shortly after the group, the Coalition to Defend Affirmative accepted the invitation, and that the YAF recognize that we both favor two very censure, College Republican Chairman Action By Any Means Necessary (BAMN), had agreed to fund it all, even though both differing viewpoints, but I felt it was Rory Diamond, then an MSA rep, sent an e-mail to a number of conservative statements were false. She then asked for disrespectful for Mr. Massie to solicit my prophesied, "This will happen again very student groups, requesting funds. It read Connerly’s $3,000 to be reapportioned assistance in securing a conservative speaker soon." in part: into the general AA102 fund, where it using distasteful and sarcastic comments "Does any of you know of any anti- could have been used however Curtin saw towards a cause that I believe in strongly." ‘A Militant, Integrated Civil Rights affirmative action individual, student In addition, Lambert felt that it was Movement’ group, foundation, etc. that would be not her responsibility to pull a speaker out While many predicted that Curtin willing to shell out some money for Ward of her hat at the last minute, making up would misuse MSA funds soon again, no Connerly to come to U of M to debate for Curtin’s negligence. "I am happy to one anticipated the extent to which she affirmative action in mid-October?" work with the opposing side," she said, would siphon those funds into her cause. Receiving no help from the cash- "but it was unreasonable to request our Despite the pro-affirmative action strapped student groups, Massie then assistance at the eleventh hour and then slant, MSA gave the program strong contacted the Young America’s Foundation hold the conservative cause responsible" for support, originally voting to allocate it (YAF), a conservative group based in the lack of a speaker. $11,785 of MSA’s approximately $13,000 Virginia. In an interview during AA102 Week, in discretionary funds. This would have left At the Oct. 3 meeting, Curtin testified MSA Vice-President Jim Secreto defended MSA with less than $2,000 for the rest of that Connerly had agreed to speak at the the Peace and Justice Commission (P&J). the year. University on Oct. 17, and that YAF had "They did make some effort to get an Of the dozens of events that took place agreed to donate $10,000 in funding for opposing viewpoint, albeit they didn’t during AA102 week, none was conservative that purpose. In addition, Jackson had succeed," said Secreto. in nature. Every event rallied around racial agreed to come for free. As such, proposed But what neither Secreto nor anyone preferences, and called into question the Curtin, MSA should reallocate the $6,000 else knew at the time was that Connerly morality of those opposed. for Connerly and Jackson back to the had never been invited in the first place, "I would have liked to see more anti- general AA102 fund, in effect letting her J. Pratt/Review and the "scheduling conflict" Massie spoke affirmative action people show up on spend it however she saw fit. The motion of was nothing more than a method by campus," said a liberal MSA member who failed, and the money went back into Luke Massie, no doubt spreading his which Curtin and the P&J could feign wished to remain anonymous. "The person MSA’s discretionary fund, to be used for lies and communist agenda to the innocence when Connerly never showed to ask is Jessica Curtin, and she doesn’t general programs throughout the year. bourgeoisie lapdogs. And look, he up. want to talk to you." still needs a haricut. According to Nolan, who co-proposed The Truth A History of Abuse the event, a good portion of assembly did Ward Connerly was never invited to fit. Curtin, a member of the Defend not think it would be that one sided. "We speak, and YAF never agreed to fund The YAF "never" offered any money Affirmative Action Party (DAAP), has a had faith that it would at least have a façade anything. toward AA102, let alone $10,000, said long history of using MSA funds for one- of being equal," he said. But "from the According to a spokesman for Parsons. "I wasn’t even at that point of sided political purposes. start," Nolan conceded, "I was extremely Connerly, Massie contacted their office on calling Connerly’s office yet. … For In March 1999, MSA approved a wary." Sept. 27 and inquired how much he [Curtin] to say that it was set up and that $485 allocation from discretionary funds Critics charge that Nolan and MSA charges for appearances. Massie never we would give $10,000 was absurd." to the Curtin-led P&J for a DAAP-led should have known better. For years, Jessica invited Connerly to speak, said the When contacted by the Michigan protest at the office of State Senator David Curtin has chaired BAMN, which has been spokesman. In addition, even if Massie had Review, Curtin refused to comment. Jaye, an opponent of racial preferences. an extremely vocal proponent of invited him, there was no way Connerly During the summer of 1999, the MSA affirmative action since its inception in could speak, as he books speaking A Tangled Web engagements months in advance. Of course, Connerly had never been Sometime between Sept. 27 and Oct. invited, so Curtin and friends had to get The YAF "never" offered any money toward 3, Massie contacted YAF national out of that agreement somehow. On Oct. headquarters, and spoke to Rick Parsons, 10 – one week before Connerly was AA102, let alone $10,000, said Parsons. "I wasn’t a program officer who helps secure "scheduled" to take part in an affirmative conservative speakers for college campuses. even at that point of calling Connerly’s office yet. action debate – Massie sent another e-mail According to Parsons, Massie requested out to conservative and libertarian U-M … For [Curtin] to say that it was set up and that we help in bringing Connerly to campus on groups, with the subject, "Compensating Oct. 17. for the Pusillanimity of Your Co-thinkers." would give $10,000 was absurd." In addition, "the way he was talking "Ward Connerly has developed a to me suggested he was conservative," said ‘scheduling conflict,’" Massie wrote. He authorized $400 for the creation of an 1996. The BAMN web site, Parsons. continued, in parentheses: "(The fish was activist newsletter to inform students of the www.bamn.com, is full of propaganda that Parsons told Massie that the YAF THIS BIG. The check is in the mail. The various campus political groups. Under makes many moderate affirmative action would try to help fund the event and set dog ate my homework.)" Curtin’s editorship, the "Activist supporters cringe. up the engagement, but he didn’t think Massie then requested a conservative Newsletter" illegally urged students to "Until recently, only the KKK/Nazis there was enough time. Additionally, said debate opponent to argue against "race- "Run with the Defend Affirmative Action were proposing driving immigrants out of Parsons, it was impossible for YAF to give based preferences" with U-M Professor Party in the Michigan Student Assembly the country and dismantling affirmative anything larger than $2,000 or $3,000 – Carl Cohen. "In the event of your inability Elections – November," a clear action," said an April 15, 1997 news nothing near the $7,000 needed to to come up with an opponent of advertisement for a partisan party. MSA bulletin posted on the site. "Now these supplement MSA. affirmative action who is willing to debate subsequently censured Curtin and the Finally, Parsons said that the YAF Monday, all campus conservatives will, of DAAP. would only support Connerly’s visit if both See BAMNboozled on Next Page course, be collectively, publicly excoriated In Sept. 1999, Curtin and the P&J Page 8 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — CAMPUS AFFAIRS November 8, 2000

MICHIGAN Michigan Party Blue Party DAAP Independents MSA PARTY Continued from Page 1 The Michigan LSA Richard DeNardis Reza Breakston Agnes Aleobua Dan Barrera Party is a newly William Foster Jessica Cash Rania Awaad Tony Goodman the Blue Party. formed party ready Cash comments, "[I] had to decide to take control of Kristen Klanow Alex McDonough Ashley Bray Zach Slates which party to run with. It was a hard MSA. With strong John Mione Matthew Nolan Ebonie Byndon Asad Tarsin decision to make, but people in Blue Party leadership by LSA are already involved in government. They sophomore Doug Doug Tietz Carlos Javier- Erika Dowdell have been involved in committees and stuff Tietz, this party . . . it was really because of people involved has a new look to Restrepo because I did run against them in previous it. Their main goal Charles Wang Josh Samek Neal Lyons election. The vision of so many people on is to pull MSA the Blue Party fit in so well with what I away from its Dean Wang Ben Whetsell Ben Royal believe." national concerns The Michigan Party, having no time and put Michigan Omari Williams Kate Stenvig left to fill the open space, was left with other students first. Engineering Anne Ehrenberger Suzanne Martin Cyril Corder Yusra Humayun feelings. John Mione, an LSA Junior Tietz Gregory Hayes Steve Pietrangelo Kyle Kentala Brent Williams running with the Michigan Party had this comments, "We to say: "She was playing two hands at the are running Eric Roeder Priya Sengal Vera Simms same time. She appeared wholly because MSA . . . Business Joseph Koo Kurt Johnson committed to us and then dumped us. Is has done next to Scott Zitrick Emina Sendijarevic this the kind of person we want on MSA?" nothing for The way the election process works is students. We are Music Jennifer Farnery Kevin Bradley, Jr. David Wilson Medicine Bret Mobley Sarah Mohiuddin Mohamed Abazeed that it allows students to vote only for running because Dentistry Plavia Tingling representatives from their school and allows the people who Social Work Diego Bernal as many votes as slots are open. Your first control MSA Nursing Dena Ferandez choice gets the most points and the values today do not put Rackham Peter Giessel Nancy Abdel-Khalek decrease as your choice does. This explains students’ concerns Jessica Curtin the advantages of being in a party. If an at the forefront, individual candidate wins a vote within a but rather have Craig Sutton party, they most likely will have convinced their own agenda." a student to vote for other candidates in Tietz is referring to Blue Party candidate, make some changes. Instead of dealing there for the students, but unfortunately, the party as well. The harder an individual Scott Zitrick, who said that being on MSA with international issues, they want to due to us getting caught up in issues we works within the party, the better chance would be a good "resume builder." address students concerns. This was one shouldn’t be dealing with, our good actions the candidate and the party have in Rackham Student, Peter Giessel agrees of the main criteria in recruiting party have been overshadowed. I made a motion winning. This coattail voting is what makes with Tietz, adding, "Well, I don’t know members, and it is evident by their to remove the Palestinian resolution from it difficult for Independents to gain seats. how the Blue Party picked their candidates, platform which includes: lifting the the agenda because I didn’t think MSA As the race continues, there will be but in Rackham there are a lot of students Michigan sales tax from textbook sales, should have been dealing with it, and I more sidewalk chalk and posters. However, like that. All they want to do is get good implementing a "Freshman Forgiveness" would continue to stand against MSA working hard to get elected does not mean grades and they don’t care about what it program, establishing equity in student dealing with international issues…we that a candidate will make things happen takes to get there. They never care about organization funding, and recognizing the should focus on campus issues that directly in the assembly. Here are the facts about anyone else, and I am running with the Greeks as an autonomous entity at the U- affect student lives." the parties and Independents, and you can Michigan Party because I believe MSA can M. Adam Damerow, Blue Party Co-Chair, decide who you want to govern the school. do something. MSA has a responsibility Tietz explains the process: "When I says, "This term the Blue Party is running to its students." spoke with constituents and potential a well rounded slate of individuals that One of the main attractions for the candidates for the Michigan Party, I represent a myriad of opinions. In Michigan Party is that they are ready to explicitly looked for people who were recruiting our candidates we have sought willing to fight for the integrity of MSA a diversity of beliefs so that the Assembly and were willing to work with others to once again becomes what it is supposed to its discretionary budget for the entire year. get things accomplished, such as be: a representation of the student body. BAMNboozled "People didn’t really have a strong Multicultural Initiative. We looked for Once elected, our representatives plan to grasp of how much money MSA had left," individuals who will get things done." continue working on feasible, student- Continued From Previous Page said Secreto. The Michigan Party is running in oriented issues that have always been the When examining MSA spending, one order to return the government to students. backbone of the Blue Party Platform." proposals are at the center of national must keep in mind that its entire budget They plan on doing this with strong The Blue Party’s platform includes: political debate. This in turn gives the comes from a $5.84 fee levied on students leadership and genuine people. textbook tax exemption, improving fascists a much greater potential for rapid every semester. So when MSA spends campus bussing, DPS relations, and growth. … BUILD A MILITANT, money on a pro-affirmative action rally, BLUE PARTY recreation facilities. INTEGRATED CIVIL RIGHTS students are the ones who foot the bill. The unreliability of the transportation MOVEMENT!" (Emphasis in original.) AA102 "was not worth money put Like the Michigan Party, the Blue system is also a concern of many students The people who set up AA102 Week into it at all," said Nolan. "It almost ended Party agrees that the MSA needs to be more on campus. Suzanne Martin explains that "devote their lives to the creation to a new up [with] MSA paying [$6,000] for a pro- orientated around students’ needs. Their "as an engineering student, the other major integrated civil rights movement," said affirmative BAMN rally." solution to this problem was to compile a project that I plan on putting my efforts Secreto. "They’re doing this education "It was extremely wrong to do." list of candidates, both liberal and into is President Hideki’s plan to improve program because they want to defend conservative. the University Bus system. As a resident affirmative action on the U of M campus." With reporting by Gina Fraternali, Current MSA Communication Chair of the Central Campus area, I am very Even after MSA retracted its allocation James Justin Wilson, and Carl Grant. and Blue Party candidate, Matt Nolan, is a familiar with the problems of bus timing, for Connerly and Jackson, it still ended up strong supporter of minimizing MSA’s frequency, and general bus routes. If spending close to $6,000 – almost half of international involvement. "MSA has been elected, I plan on working to see that there November 8, 2000 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — CAMPUS AFFAIRS Page 9

is a resolution to these problems." INDEPENDENTS If elected, Zach hopes to improve up where absolutely neccessary. He also One of the past issues that is not of relations between MSA and the student advocates longer hours for University this year’s platform is bringing the Running as an independent candidate government by establishing a direct building and replacing the diesal bus fleet University Health Service (UHS) into the has both benefits and drawbacks. For one constituency similar to what LSA-SG is with clean fuel burning vehicles. dorms. They have taken it off their list of thing, they are free to set their own agenda implementing now. He also wants to Yusra Humayun is looking to “increase priorities. since there is no politcal party that must streamline the student group funding. The the minority voice in MSA, in order to be agreed with. On the other hand, main issue for Mr. Slates, however, is a fall bring about more diverse opinions on DEFEND AFFIRMATIVE ACTION independents face an uphill battle since “Reading Day” to ease the pressure of issues discussed in MSA.” Yusra aslo PARTY (DAAP) they do not receive any “tag along” vote studying. “A day off in October would give believes that MSA hasn’t done an adequate benefits that many party-affiliated students a chance to relax and better job of communicating with the students, As its name implies, the DAAP party’s candidates receive. Also campaigning can prepare for midterms.” and hopes to improve this by being more main concern in MSA is to defend be difficult as there is nobody to help with Also running as an independent is approachable. affirmative action. Its representatives the requisite campaign activities like Tony Goodman. As a geology major, he is Although independent candidates face currently seated were responsible for flyering and chalking. not running to pad his resume. “I am a few more hurdles by not being associated initiating the Affirmative Action 102 week. Of the candidates available for running because I want to to make changes with a party they are free to dictate their The leaders of the party are Jessica Curtin comment, Zach Slates has the most so that things are easier and smoother for own policy during the campaign and in and Erika Dowdell. experience with the MSA. Last fall he the student body.” office, and independents do get elected Despite numerous phone calls and served briefly on MSA after being Mr. Goodman’s main concern is the more often than their underdog image emails, DAAP did not wish to comment appointed to fill a vacancy, and he is construction around Angell Hall and the might suggest.MR on its platform or future plans for MSA. currently a member of the inconvenience it causes students. He argues DAAP chose not to explain its positions Communications Committee, the External that no walkway should be removed to its constituency. Relations Committee, and the Academic without providing an adequate Affairs Commission. replacement, and fences should only be put Justifying Evil: A Pro-Abortion Panel “Discussion”

impose a 100 percent fatality rate on abortion voters. But of course, it is quite doubts that this measure will be approved BY MICHAEL VEESER millions of legally aborted babies in order the opposite—opponents of abortion have by the state legislature,” she added. to save a much smaller number of women failed to sensitize these voters to what is This panel demonstrates that PANEL CONSISTING OF four who run a small risk of fatality when they really happening during an abortion: a “abortion is the issue that won’t go away.” of Michigan’s pro-abortion choose to undergo illegal abortions. The human life is being irrevocably ended. Chilian stated that people she had spoken A luminaries visited campus on child, needless to say, does not choose to The panel’s immediate purpose was to to in England were “amazed that the third Monday, October 26th, speaking in the be killed. get out the vote for Gore. The panelists question in the first presidential debate was Michigan League before an audience of about abortion.” In England, according to twenty-six people. Chilian, abortion is no longer an issue. The According to Andrew News reason abortion is still an issue in America Shirvell, President of Commentary In a macabre touch, Chilian was but not in Europe, is that America is University of Michigan decidedly more democratic than most Students for Life, introduced by her daughter. Apparently, European countries. In European-style eleven of the twenty-six in attendance were parliamentary systems, if the party does not members of Students for Life. The panelists this child’s continued existence was like a prospective candidate’s views, that were Robin Menym, CEO of Planned convenient for Chilian at the time. candidate will not be added to the party’s Parenthood of Mid-Michigan; Alma list of candidates regardless of how popular Wheeler-Smith, Michigan State Senator; he is. In other words, the party’s leadership Renee Chilian, Administrator of determines who runs. Northland Family Planning Centers; and Chilian added that the women visiting concern is understandable, since Michigan’s There is a consensus among European Rebekah Warren, executive Director of her clinics to consider abortion “are brave, eighteen electoral votes may well prove elites to ignore the abortion issue, and those Michigan Abortion and Reproductive strong, scared, and sad. Hopefully, after critical to this year’s tight presidential who openly oppose it are prevented from Rights Action League (MARAL). making the right decision they will be election. Menym contended that this running for office. And this is so despite Questions were permitted at the end of the empowered.” Pro-life supporters, however, election is the “moment when we will see the fact that surveys show a similar level of presentation, after being screened by a would argue that a woman should feel choice lost or protected.” Wheeler-Smith opposition to abortion in Europe as in student affiliated with a pro-abortion “empowered” if she preserves the child’s life opined that the next president will “appoint America. By contrast, in America, a group. According to Shirvell, his question and then makes a rational choice between three or four Supreme Court Justices,” thus candidate who calls himself a Republican, was rephrased to give it a pro-abortion keeping the child or giving it up for tipping the balance in that court from for example, can run in that party’s primary, tinge. adoption. Chilian then compared pro- upholding Roe v. Wade to opposing it. and if he wins, the party will almost Legalized abortion was defended in a choice voters who are not active in politics However, there probably will be only one invariably back him rather than risk ceding manner that can charitably be termed to persons in Nazi Germany who failed to or two openings. Chilian stressed that the the seat to the other party. The primary morally obtuse. It was competitive, but the oppose the National Socialists until the next president will have the power to system of voting for a party’s candidates is champion defender of the indefensible on Nazi’s targeted them personally. In other regulate the abortion drug RU-486. more open than the top-down this panel was Chilian, who termed herself words, those who fail to promote killing Presumably, if George W. Bush is elected, parliamentary system in Europe. an “abortion provider.” In a macabre touch, today are akin to those who failed to prevent RU-486 will face extra hurdles. To reiterate, abortion is still an issue Chilian was introduced by her daughter. killing yesterday. The evening did provide some good in America because the American political Apparently, this child’s continued existence By reverse implication, abortion news. According to Warren, only 37 of system is more democratic than that of was convenient for Chilian at the time. proponents, who today promote the 110 Michigan legislators are “pro-choice.” most European states. The continued According to Chilian, “every three minutes destruction of unborn humans, are on the Also, Michigan Right to Life is aiming to controversey in America over abortion is a woman dies from an (illegal?) abortion, same moral plane as those heroes of fifty defund Planned Parenthood after the next actually an indication of American political so the real question is whether she will have years ago who resisted the Nazis’ homicidal election by changing the rules under which health. MR a safe abortion or be maimed or killed.” In racism. Remarkably, Chilian adds that the family planning clinics receive state fact, the real question is whether we should “anti’s had desensitized” these inactive pro- funding, according to Menym. “No one Michael Veeser is a second year law student. Page 10 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — LIVING CULTURE November 8, 2000 Radiohead Returns with New Album, Brief Appearance

BY NOAH ZOSCHKE a fresh sound. Through the hypnotic songs. “Is this getting boring yet or is it still funny? chanting of the opening song “Everything Radiohead entered the purple and red I think it’s funny...ahh, fuck it.” It was too HEN NEWS BROKE about In Its Right Place,” the sound is broken lit stage and bassist Colin Greenwood late: by the 14th song of the night if a new Radiohead album, fans down and swirled away in the calming started his heavy bass line while Brother audience members weren’t amused, they Wmust have been wondered how synth sweeps. Immediately the band Johnny Greenwood massaged his keyboard were amazed to be able hear him speak. a band could follow up to such a widely reconstructs what was destroyed through with smooth, mechanical An acclaimed album that had genre-breaking the unsettling yet warm “How To chords. Drummer Phil important hits like “Paranoid Android” and “Karma Disappear Completely,” the heavy Selway slapped a driving feature of the Police.” Any worries were quieted because “Optimistic” (which is anything but), and beat and guitarist Ed show was “Kid A,” has been received incredibly well. the biting drums of “Idioteque.” O’Brien strummed some that the band The first week brought number one sales Don’t expect to see any full-length heavily filtered guitar actually in seven countries, including the US and “Kid A” music videos. In the pattern of chords. Despite all of the enjoyed the anticipation created sales of over four breaking convention, the band decided to action, all eyes were fixed on playing times that of “OK Computer.” Such release more than twenty 15-second “blips” the often spastically shaking before the impressive sales from such an of strange cartoons, attacking geese and and jumping lead singer audience. unconventional album has caused many to various other sights. Thom York who was During believe that the recent trend of made-for- On October 17, exactly two weeks accompanied by his guitar. “Idioteque,” radio albums is about to expire. Even after the release of their new album, “Kid After each song, York as Johnny though Napster has been credited for A,” Radiohead performed for a sold-out made a clever remark patched away increasing sales for the band since songs crowd at the Air Canada Center in jabbing some entity in the at the drums from the album had been leaked 3 months Toronto. The 5,000 fans lucky enough to corporate world. ‘That one on his analog before the release date, music audiences get a ticket to one of the handful of dates was brought to you by synthesizer, might have sophistication in them just yet. the band played in North America this fall Sony’ he playfully said after finishing “The Thom pounced around the stage while So just why is this album so good? witnessed an instrument-filled National Anthem.” An anti-corporate moving his hand in a karate chops fashion, First, “Kid A” is pure Radiohead. Thom performance containing a drum set, an theme has been a Radiohead concept has eliciting a wild response. Yorke and his crew completely break their upright bass, 5 keyboards, roughly 15 for quite some time. Unlike their North Despite having a barage of security artistic restraints and make an album one- guitar petals, and over 20 guitars. None American appearances, the European tour guards, there was apparently no objection hundred-percent their own. Secondly, it would be disappointed because Thom and has been held in a giant, 10,000 person to the fans who brought cameras except reinvents music and makes rock-and-roll company were about ready to pound out capacity tent completely free of strangely enough, our unsuspecting feel childish because the entire album has some of Radiohead’s most recognized advertisements. At one point Thom asked, legitimate Review photographer, who was attacked (and alas, came back empty handed). The entire concert was recorded and webcast live, and should be available BT Promotes New Album, Visits Detroit for listening very soon. Radiohead historically has tried to BY JOHN PRATT having reached a sort of enlightening two large springs, swayed back and forth experiment with their creations and avoid experience. BT created the score for an as he pushed and played. The club repeating the successful sound of each past Many people still shudder when they upcoming movie, remixed the work of atmosphere of St. Andrews Hall album. “Kid A” is a dangerous album, with think of keyboards, various drum Madonna and Tori Amos, and has received transformed into a high-energy concert breathtaking results. It leaves many with a machines and synthesizers as a form music. attention from MTV for songs off his new where the crowd jumped wildy the entire somewhat sickening but mostly sweet The word techno often brings up memories album Movement In Still Life. time. aftertaste and is hauntingly comfortable. of cheesy 80's beats, bad style, and lots of Although he has driven his sound Whether or not you like techno, BT Unlike the short-lived party songs that have makeup. After all, who would want to toward the hip-hop side of electronic music is going to be one of the artists to watch as been infecting radio recently, this album listen to sounds that come out of the same since the days of his 1995 debut "Ima," electronica continues to influence will not soon be forgotten. MR machine that you typed your last paper and 1997 club hit "Flaming June," songs mainstream popular music.MR on? Some even say techno is a temporary like "Mercury and Solace" and "Godspeed" The word techno often brings up thoughts of cheesy 80's beats, bad style, lots of makeup, and jock jams. form of music, destined to burn out like on Movement In Still Life show, he still the now unlistenable disco hits of the 70's. has a talent for creating fresh trance. No group of people could disagree "Movement In Still Life" is a moving, more than the shoulder-to-shoulder jumping, genre-crossing CD that is audience that packed St. Andrews Hall in appropriate for weekends when freedom downtown Detroit, ready to experience BT is at its peak. The hip-hoppy song "Never and the opening band Hooverphonic. Gonna Come Back Down" with its rapping BT, short for Brian Transeau, has lyrics and catchy melodical chorus has been recognized as one of the early pioneers benefitted recently from both radio play of the electronic movement "trance" that and club popularity. exploded in popularity within the last few Throughout the show BT liked J. Pratt/Review years. Trance, known for its peaks and to play rough with his array of expensive Wait, what do all these black and white things do? valleys and hypnotic structure, is known keyboards and electronic equipment. His for giving the listener a constant feeling of "chrome pony," a keyboard mounted on November 8, 2000 THE MICHIGAN REVIEW — FACE-OFF Page 11 STOP ME IF YOU’VE HEARD THIS ONE As Anyone Who Knows Me Will Tell You... S ANYONE WHO knows me will Rojo and I finally happened upon our referring to her genuine leather shoes, of times five bucks an hour? Heck, that’s like tell you, I like movies. What other destination. Despite our incompetence, course. The aging but attractive lady, who a million dollars!” Aform of entertainment gives you an we had still arrived an hour early, leaving wanted to be referred to as “Vicki,” possibly After seven hours of shooting, at least excuse to sit on your ass for approximately us plenty of time to stand in the endless because that was her name or some such two of which involved retakes of one of two hours all while munching on a variety line and complain about the whole thing, saw this as an opportunity to avoid the opening scenes over and over again, the of high calorie situation. Upon examining the going insane. She started chatting away director people allowed us to break for treats? So it should composition of the group, it came to my about various topics, none of which I lunch. It was nearing midnight, there were be of no surprise attention that most of these people remember due to the fact that I quickly got still three to seven hours to go, and the the excitement I wouldn’t qualify as your average Joe on bored and began to picture all of the temperature had dropped to Arctic levels. was feeling upon his way to a Tigers’ game. Instead, the surrounding girls naked. It was at this point that El Rojo Grande, being informed group was a mix of homeless people Seeing as the Review imposes a silly thing or should I call him, “El Rojo Frio,” wussed that my sidekick, El looking for a few bucks, blonde haired called a “word limit” on my columns, let me out. He informed me that he was a little Rojo Grande, and I actress wannabes, and people with get to the meat of this story. Mmm, meat. girly man who just couldn’t take the cold had been selected to nothing better to do, like me. After finally being allowed to enter the for three more minutes, let alone hours. appear as extras in El Señor If you have ever been forced to stand stadium, and subsequently being ditched by So the two of us slipped out the door and the movie Hardball, in line for hours on end, you’ll know how Vicki, we were herded like so many went home, forfeiting our well deserved the latest hit Guípe quickly it is that you start making friends. disgruntled cattle out onto the bleachers. We salary. starring everyone’s Rojo got lucky (well, not literally of spent the next few hours moving from place It wasn’t until later that we discovered favorite “bad boy,” course). He ran into Adam, one of his to place in the structure, apparently creating the cruel trick Fate had played on us. It Keanu Reeves. The flick was being filmed buddies from Michigan’s Glee Club. the illusion that the stadium was completely turns out that as soon as we left, the cast at Tiger Stadium, that grand old landmark They occupied themselves by practicing full when in reality only one set of bleachers was moved to a part of the stadium where in the midst of beautiful downtown Detroit various songs and melodies, all of which was actually occupied. I would guess that a people were complaining because it was too (motto: Cashier has less than twenty sounded exactly the same to my few hundred people were present, all of hot. Furthermore, those who stayed got to dollars). Sensing an opportunity for untrained ears. In order to distract which were being paid minimum wage for go to a kickin’ party at Keanu’s hotel room, eventual superstardom, Rojo and I decided myself, I decided to find a random person the job, a task which could last all night. Five where everyone got laid! Well, all right, I to hop into the trusty Reliant K and head to chat with. Turning to the woman next bucks an hour sure didn’t seem like much, made that part up. But that’s not the point. on over to Motown. to me, I made some witty and sarcastic but as the extremely sophisticated woman The point is that I’ve run out of space. After a few hours of circling the state, comment, such as “So, are those real?” in front of us stated, “A few hundred people Stupid word limit.MR GO AHEAD AND STOP, I’VE HEARD ENOUGH Sexual Politics on Campus Advice for the “Nice Guy” HIS COLUMN IS dedicated to you rarely pine for the gal who’s abundant party, and at pretty much any place where and not too time consuming. The gal will the thousands of nice guys on in, well, character. You sit in discussion there are members of the opposite sex. be flattered because she realizes that it takes Tcampus. You know who you are. and gaze at the gorgeous girl with the Chances are, though, you already have the major guts to ask someone out. And she’ll You’re the guy who’s rarely (if ever) been “long blonde hair right-down-to-there” lucky woman in mind. say yes, as long as she finds you interesting, on a date here at and ignore the nice girls. That’s just So let’s progress to step two. Let her she’s not legitimately busy, and she’s not Michigan. You help something to think about. know who you are. Shake her hand firmly already spoken for. the cute sorority The good news is that this is college. and tell her you first and last name. Open There you go. Three simple steps to girls in section with Lots of chicks have outgrown the jerks doors. Smile. Make eye contact. Get her get a date with your dream girl. But here’s their quizzes and what you nice guys really want to know: their homework The nice guy is always there for support, but how to get play. Simply progress through assignments. You steps 1, 2, and 3, then just up the ante. don’t take never there for the nookie. My answer for this Ask her out again. To coax a woman, just advantage of the follow this simple, approximate recipe: add adorable babe who’s problem is simple: forget her. She’s stupid. dinner, date length, frequency, and alcohol. had one too many, La Señorita Find someone else. One final warning: the biggest and that’s even after Margarita problem for nice guys arises when they are you’ve walked her (ok, next week we’ll get a real one.) and now they want to date nice men. number for “study” reasons or the like. too nice. For instance, the archetypal all the way home Mature women care more about Sincerely (not transparently) compliment her nice guy has this one girl he’s totally in love from the house party that was way the heck personality than how a man looks in a humorous joke, a comment she made in with, but she’s seeing someone else who’s across Packard to her house on Catherine great pair of jeans. This is not a lie class, or an excellent column she wrote. Let obviously not good enough for her. The and you live on Prospect. In short, you because (and here’s the most important her catch you looking at her every once in a nice guy is always there for support, but don’t get any. Well, I’m here to help you lesson) sexiness has little to do with while (note: every once in a while does not never there for the nookie. My answer for out. But there’s bad new and good news. appearance, especially in a woman’s mind; mean every 30 seconds, that is, unless you’re this problem is simple: forget her. She’s Let’s get through the bad news first. sexiness is dictated by a man’s actions, by in a bar, whereupon you are using this stupid. Find someone else. The bad news is that this is college. his mind, and by his sense of humor. So, information not for good but for evil, and So the best advice I can give the nice Flocks of animal-printed females just want while appearance isn’t that important, you should be ashamed of yourself). guy is to pick the object of your affections a good-looking man, especially when sexiness— as in sexual chemistry— is. Third, make your move. Ask her, wisely. Because, as you nice guys know all sipping $7.25 long islands. But don’t That said, let’s progress on how to preferably in person, if she wants to go get too well, there are too many women on blame us for being shallow, because you get a date. The first step is to meet the some coffee. Or study. Or get together on this campus who, no matter how nice you guys can be the same way. This is the female you aim to ask out. The best Thursday night to watch the TV program are, will refuse to consider you for a date. paradox of the nice guy: although you base places to meet someone is through you always talk about together. You get the Just remember: those are the ones who your desirability on your stellar personality, mutual friends, in class, at a relaxed house idea. Ask her out to something that’s simple don’t deserve a great guy like you. MR