Narrator: Arthur was lost. Every winter King Arthur and all of his Lords and Ladies, servants, cooks, knights and huntsmen, took a break from the difficult work of defending the borders. This left Camelot for eating, drinking, singing, dancing and, Arthur’s favorite, hunting.
One day, while out hunting with his men, Arthur saw what he'd not seen since he was a child; an albino deer.
Arthur: Take chase!
Knight 1: Yes Sire
Narrator: Arthur was the fastest of all the horsemen, and he soon left them all behind.
Knight 2: Look! Arthur is within bowshot distance of the deer!
Narrator: Arthur drew his bow and arrow. Suddenly, the deer bound off down a hill and out of sight. Arthur followed, getting deeper and deeper into the forest.
Arthur: I’ve lost her.
Narrator: Arthur looked around. No deer. No men. Strange forest. It was cloudy, and Arthur had no idea of north, south, east, or west. He started riding in the direction which he thought would take him back to Camelot, but the forest, instead of becoming more familiar, became stranger.
Arthur: Now I know I’m lost. What is this dark and swampy pond?
Narrator: Indeed Arthur was in a peculiar place. There were dead trees and stumps on the shore and in the shallow water all around the outside of the pond. Some of the stumps were in the strangest shapes.
Arthur: Are my eyes fooling me? That stump looks just like a knight on a horse.
Narrator: And then it was moving; it was a knight, dressed all in black armor, on a black horse, riding around the outside of the pond towards Arthur. As the dark knight approached Arthur, he raised his sword.
Dark Knight: “Prepare to meet your death Arthur. You’ve stolen all my lands and property; and now I will get them all back.”
Arthur: Who are you?
Dark Knight: I am Sir Gromer.
Arthur: Sir Gromer. You are a knight. Would you kill an unarmed man? For you see, I have forgotten Excalibur back in Camelot.
Narrator: The Dark Knight pondered for a moment, his weapon pointed straight at Arthur’s heart. Then, he lowered his sword.
Dark Knight: There is no pleasure in killing you too easily. Alright, I shall give you one chance to save both your life and your kingdom.
Narrator: Arthur listened carefully.
Dark Knight: You must come back here in three days’ time, with the answer to this question: What is it that women most desire? If you can tell me that, you will go a free man. If not, then you will die, and I shall take you place as High King of Britain.
Narrator: The Dark Knight gave a hearty evil laugh.
Dark Knight: MWAHAHAHAHA!
Narrator: And with that, he rode off around the pond and back into the forest.
Arthur soon found his way out of the forest and on his journey back to Camelot, he contemplated the riddle.
Arthur: What is it that women most desire?
Narrator: On the way home, he stopped and asked every women he met what they most desired.
Old woman: Eternal youth.
Little girl: To be older!
Rich Woman: A simpler existence!
Poor Woman: A lavish life!
Chambermaid 1: Straight hair!
Chambermaid 2: Curly hair!
Servant 1: A husband!
Servant 2: To be rid of my husband!
Narrator: That night at the inn, Arthur lay sleepless.
Arthur: This riddle is as impossible as the women it is about!
Narrator: Arthur set off early the next morning. He was riding along a grassy hill on the outskirts of the forest when he heard a woman’s voice call his name. Looking around he caught sight of a flash of red by the side of the road. He headed over to her.
Arthur: My lady, how may I be of assistance?
Narrator: The woman raised her head and Arthur looked back in disgust. She was the ugliest living thing he had ever set eyes on, a freak, a monster, a truly loathly lady.
Her nose was like a pig’s snout; from a misshapen mouth stuck out two yellowing rows of horse’s teeth; her cheeks were covered in sores; she had only one eye, rheumy and red-rimmed, and from a naked scalp hung a few strands of hair. Her whole body was swollen and bent out of shape, and her fingers, on which were several fine rings, were as gnarled and twisted as the roots of an old oak.
She opened her gaping mouth and in and surprisingly sweet voice uttered…
Loathly Lady: My lord King, why do you look so dismayed?
Arthur: My lady, I must solve an impossible riddle or lose my life and my kingdom.
Loathly Lady: What is the riddle my lord?
Arthur: What is it that women most desire?
Loathly Lady: I can answer this riddle for you. There is no mystery to that!
Arthur: What is it? What is the answer?
Loathly Lady: You want me to give you this answer for nothing?
Arthur: Oh no, my lady, I will give you whatever you want.
Loathly Lady: Whatever I want?
Arthur: On my word as a knight and a king, whatever you want.
Narrator: The Loathly Lady took no time to consider Arthur’s promise. She knew that he was an honorable man.
Loathly Lady: Well then, approach; I will tell you the answer.
Narrator: And so King Arthur went up to the loathly lady and she whispered the answer into his ear. Arthur’s heart leaped; he knew at once that this was the answer.
Loathly Lady: And now my price. I want none of your gold and riches. What I want is to be married to your most brave and handsome knight.
Arthur: Oh no, my lady, I could never do that.
Loathly Lady: So much for the word of a knight and a king.
Arthur: Of course madam. I shall keep my promise. I will return tomorrow bringing with me your future husband.
Narrator: Arthur bowed and turned quickly away, full of horror at the thought of what he must inflict on one of his noble knights, and ashamed of his lack of courtesy towards the Loathly Lady.
When he got to the dark pond, there was the Dark Knight, sitting on his horse, waiting for Arthur.
Dark Knight: So Arthur, ready to lose your kingdom?
Narrator: The Dark Knight laughed.
Dark Knight: MWAHAHAHA!
Arthur: I have the answer to your riddle…. What all women desire most… is to have their own way!
Dark Knight: NOOOOOOO! Curse you Arthur Pentdragon!
Narrator: The Dark Knight rode away screaming and gnashing in the distance. For this was, indeed, the answer to the riddle.
Arthur sighed in relief.
Arthur: Phew!
Narrator: And then groaned with the thought of what he now must do.
Arthur: UGH!
Narrator: He returned to Camelot with a heavy burden on his shoulders. Which Knight would he doom to live a life with a monster? His wife, Guinevere noticed his distress.
Guinevere: My Lord, my husband, my King, what is the matter?
Arthur: I cannot tell you.
Guinevere: My Lord, if you cannot tell me, your wife and Queen, who can you tell?
Narrator: And so he told her: about how the riddle was actually Sir Gromer’s threat on his life, about the loathly Lady, and about what he now had to do.
Arthur: So you see, my honor is at stake and I do not know how I may save it.
Narrator: Just then, Sir Gawain, the youngest of the company, was passing by Arthur’s chambers and overheard this statement.
Gawain: Sire, I Beg of you, let me defend you! Grant me the quest, which I may be the one to save the honor of my King!
Arthur: Oh no Gawain, you can’t, you don’t realize the task at hand.
Narrator: Once again Arthur retold the story and the challenge that lay before him. Gawain looked stunned, but his spirit never faltered.
Gawain: Take me to her Sire. I will marry her tomorrow.
Narrator: And so Gawain, Arthur, and a small company of knights went off to collect the Lady. Meanwhile the castle started preparing for the wedding in Camelot.
All too soon Arthur caught sight of the flash of scarlet. There she was, the Loathly Lady, sitting on her tree stump by the side of the road.
Arthur: My lady.
Narrator: Said Arthur as he dismounted his trusty stead and kissed the gnarled hand she held out. Behind him the knights sat still as statues on there horses, hardly ably to believe their eyes.
Knight 1: The woman’s a monster!
Knight 2: We can’t bring her to live among the ladies of our court!
Narrator: Gawain jumped down off of his horse and approached the Loathly Lady. Kneeling down he spoke.
Gawain: Madam, will you honor me with your hand in marriage?
Loathly Lady: Oh yes! Oh yes! A thousand times yes!
Narrator: Meanwhile back in Camelot, preparations were underway for the wedding. The cooks cooked.
Cooks: More wine. More cheese. More meat!
Narrator: The musicians and singers practiced.
Musicians: (various noises)
Narrator: And the ladies of the court stood watch at the castle windows.
Ladies: They are here! They are here!
Narrator: As the party entered through the gates of the citadel, all gasped as one when they first looked on her ravaged figure.
All: GASP!
Narrator: The Loathly Lady hid her face and cried into her gnarled hands. Only the Queen appeared to notice nothing; she gave no shiver of disgust as she welcomed the poor monster and took her hand to lead her to the bridal chamber. Gawain and the Loathly Lady were to be married that night.
After the ceremony the musicians played…
Musicians: (make sounds)
Narrator: And the food was laid out. But the Lord’s and Ladies had little heart to dance, nor stomach to eat. After some half-hearted nibbles and waltzing, one by one the Lords and Ladies made excuses of fatigue and lateness and left the hall, leaving only King Arthur, Queen Guinevere, Sir Gawain and his new wife.
As midnight struck, the King and Queen excused themselves and retired for the evening, leaving Gawain and his monstrous wife alone.
When Gawain escorted his wife to their chambers there was one candle burning. Gawain blew out the candle, got into the bed, turned his back to his bride, and prepared to go to sleep, when, out of the darkness, he heard his wife’s voice.
Loathly Lady: Husband, what about my wedding kiss?
Narrator: Hesitantly, Sir Gawain sat up and turned to face his wife, preparing himself to kiss her wart and boil covered face. Much to his surprise, there, sitting on the edge of his bed, was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. She had long golden hair hanging to her waist; her figure was as slender as a fairy’s, her pale skin as perfect as a piece of polished ivory.
Gawain: Who are you, and where is my wife?
Loathly Lady: I am your wife, Gawain. For by agreeing to marry me, you have half broken the spell that my brother, Sir Gromer, laid on me years ago, turning me into the beast you brought back from the forest.
Gawain: My lovely wife! I am so happy the spell is now broken!
Loathly Lady: Well, the spell is broken only halfway. I must return to that foul form for half of every day unless you can answer me one question.
Gawain: My dearest wife, what is your question?
Loathly Lady: You must tell me this: would you rather have me beautiful by day and hideous by night? Or would you have me beautiful by night, as I am now, and hideous by day?
Gawain: Oh my love, come to me at night, beautiful as you are now.
Narrator: The Loathly Lady frowned and took a step back.
Loathly Lady: That is strangely selfish of you, sir. Do you condemn me to the contempt of the whole court, to be mocked and despised everywhere I go, unable to let darkness hide my shame? This is not what I expect a loving husband to wish for me, that I should suffer this way!
Gawain: Oh, forgive me! That was thoughtless of me! Be beautiful by day, my love, and at night resume your old shape.
Narrator: The lady was still not pleased
Loathly Lady: Do you love your wife so little that you care not how vile she looks lying beside you? Are you so indifferent as to be content with an ugly witch as your companion? Do you not consider my feelings at having to come to you every night deformed?
Narrator: Gawain, at a loss for words, hung his head. Whichever choice he made was wrong.
Gawain: Dearest wife, I am unable to answer your question. Therefore, I must leave it to you. You must choose whichever you prefer.
Narrator: The lady laughed and clapped her hands with joy!
Loathly Lady: That is the right answer to my question! You have given me what every woman wants, a right to choose her own way! Now the spell is broken. You will never have to see the hideous had again. I am my true self once more, yours forever!
Sir Gawain and the Loathly Lady Readers Theatre Adapted by: Amber Marie Payne
Characters:
Arthur Dark Knight Gawain Loathly Lady Guinevere Knight 1 Knight 2 Old Woman Little Girl Rich Woman Poor Woman Chambermaid 1 Chambermaid 2 Servant 1 Servant 2 Cooks Musicians Ladies