RAMONA by Laurie Craig Based on the Series of Books by Beverly
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RAMONA by Laurie Craig Based on the series of books by Beverly Cleary Current Revisions by Elizabeth Allen & Nick Pustay November 4, 2007 EXT. PLAYGROUND - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY WHITE PUFFY CLOUDS in the sky, reflected on the surface of a PUDDLE. Suddenly, a SNEAKER splashes right through it -- As RAMONA QUIMBY tears through the playground, running wild and loving it. She’s a 10 year-old girl with straight brown hair, an upturned nose, and a spunky imagination. Her friend HOWIE KEMP, 10, tries to keep up -- but that’s no easy task. RAMONA Howie! Let’s make ourselves sick! SPINNING ON THE ROUND-ABOUT -- where she and Howie LAUGH and spin at a breakneck speed. They make themselves so dizzy they can’t even walk straight afterwards, stumbling like happy drunks. Ramona’s eyes cross, totally dizzy... And FROM RAMONA’S POV: A blurry double-vision. Howie laughs at her -- then appears to split into two Howies. RAMONA (CONT'D) Whoa, Howie...who’s your friend? CROSSING THE MONKEY RINGS -- as Ramona struggles to propel herself forward, one metal ring at a time. Howie waits on the far side of the rings, encouraging her to keep going. HOWIE You can do it, Ramona! Just don’t look down! And of course, hearing this makes her want to look so badly. She bites her lip trying not to. Then, peeks with one eye -- FROM RAMONA’S POV: Her sneakers dangle over a DEEP CANYON! Certain death if she drops. A BUZZARD flies up at her, pecks at her UNTIED SHOELACES with his sharp beak. Ramona tries to shake him off and torques her body, swinging her FOOT up into a ring. Then, wedges her OTHER FOOT into the next ring. RAMONA I CAN’T MAKE IT, HOWIE... (pretending there’s an ECHO) Owie-owie! It’s too FAR-far-far! Just then at the height of adventure...the SCHOOL BELL RINGS. Kids race for the BUILDING. Ramona tries to untangle herself -- but loses grip and SWINGS UPSIDE DOWN. Her feet caught in the rings, strung up by her ankles, helpless. HOWIE Ramona, stop playing! Ms. Meacham will mark us tardy! It’s worse than absent! 2. RAMONA But...uhhh...my shoes are jammed! Howie runs to help, jumps up and down, but he’s too short to reach her. They both look back anxiously to the school. INT. MS. MEACHAM’S CLASS - GLENWOOD ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - DAY MS. MEACHAM writes a VOCABULARY LIST on the chalkboard. KIDS WHISPER as Howie shuffles into the room. Clears his throat. HOWIE Uhh...Ms. Meacham? Ms. Meacham pauses. Puts down her chalk, turns on her heel. HOWIE (CONT'D) Ramona’s...kinda...hung up. Ms. Meacham glances out the window -- and sees Ramona in the distance, HANGING BY HER ANKLES. Ms. Meacham storms outside -- And the instant she’s gone, the class rushes to the windows. Noses pressed against the glass, horrified and delighted by Ramona’s latest predicament. EXT. PLAYGROUND - MOMENTS LATER FROM RAMONA’S UPSIDE DOWN POV: she sees a pair of WHITE HEELS march through the dirt, awkwardly avoiding puddles. The shoes stop short of a MASSIVE PUDDLE under the jungle gym. TILTING UP, we reveal Ms. Meacham -- a stern woman whose disapproving squint can strike fear in the heart of any 4th grader. MS. MEACHAM Ramona Quimby, even for you -- this is quite an achievement. What happened? Ramona flushes red with embarrassment. RAMONA Ummm...we were playing Holy Moly? MS. MEACHAM I don’t believe I know that game. RAMONA Well...um, you pretend you’re doing something petrifying, and then when you finish, you get to yell, “HOLY MOLY, I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE IT!” Except, I kinda got stuck, so I didn’t get to yell “HOLY MO-...” 3. Just as she says it, her feet suddenly slip out. She drops and SPLASHES into the puddle below, SPRAYING MUD everywhere. AT THE WINDOW -- the kids react with a collective GASP. RAMONA (CONT'D) HOLY MOLY, I CAN’T BELIEVE I MADE IT! Ecstatic, Ramona looks up from the puddle -- to discover her teacher is covered in mud. Ramona winces -- “Oops.” Ms. Meacham tries to stay composed, though it’s difficult. MS. MEACHAM Ramona, I’m glad you’re enjoying the fourth grade. You may be here awhile. INT. MS. MEACHAM’S CLASS - MOMENTS LATER Ms. Meacham stops in the classroom doorway, seeing all her students still gathered at the windows. She purses her lips. MS. MEACHAM A-hem. The class instantly scrambles to their seats. Ms. Meacham strides back into class -- with as much dignity as she can possibly muster while splotched with mud. Behind her, a filthy Ramona sloshes a muddy trail through the room and takes her seat -- to a smattering of GIGGLES and WHISPERS. MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D) Well, after that brief interruption, I think it’s time we finally tackled our class reports -- wouldn’t you agree? (they GROAN, she squints) Please, try to contain your enthusiasm. This is your chance to share something special about yourself. And by special, I do not mean something purchased at a mall or viewed on your computer screen. Let’s all dig deep. I expect you all to use at least one new word from our vocabulary list. She taps the board, pointing to an imposing LIST OF WORDS. MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D) Now...what brave soul would like to go first? A perky blonde girl named SUSAN thrusts her hand in the air. MS. MEACHAM (CONT'D) Susan. As I suspected. Go ahead. 4. Susan smiles and walks to the head of the class, confidently. She places a SPARKLY TIARA over her blonde bouncy curls. SUSAN This is my ballet tiara. As you can see, it is incredibly “luminescent.” (spelling it lightning fast) L-U-M-I-N-E-S-C-E-N-T. Luminescent. Ramona glances at the board, sees “LUMINESCENT” on the list. SUSAN (CONT'D) It is special to me because my mother says ballet gives you perfect posture and increases your overall “elegance.” E-L-E-G-A-N-C-E. Elegance. MS. MEACHAM That was first-rate, Susan... SUSAN I’m not done yet. Because the most special part is, I get to wear my tiara when I audition for the part of the princess in the Royal Peanut Butter commercials. I think I’d be “extraordinary” in the role. E-X-T-R-A- O-R-D-I-N-A-R-Y. Extraordinary. (raising her brow at Ramona) That’s when you take something ordinary...and give it a little extra. Susan finishes with a balletic curtsey. The kids applaud. MS. MEACHAM Extraordinary, indeed. You used three words! And very good use of props. I’m afraid you’ve set the bar quite high for the rest of the week. Ramona studies Susan’s perfect blonde curls -- and insecurely fingers her own crusty hair. A CLOD OF MUD falls on her desk. EXT. SIDEWALKS - KLICKITAT STREET - DAY MUDDY SHOES squish with each step -- as Ramona and Howie run home happily after school. Book bags on their shoulders. HOWIE You should have seen it from the window -- it was awesome. You looked like a pinata! Without all the candy. 5. RAMONA Did anyone see my underwear? HOWIE Uh, not from that distance. Ms. Meacham probably did, though. Ramona winces at the memory, still embarrassed. RAMONA She said I should bottle my imagination. Like a Root Beer. And take little sips of it at a time, instead of just chugging it down. HOWIE Geez. What does that mean? RAMONA I dunno. It made me so thirsty. (then suddenly) Whoa! Look at that big dog! They see a loose MENACING GERMAN SHEPHERD across the street. Ramona dives behind a prickly BUSH, pulling Howie with her. HOWIE He’s not from around here, that’s for sure. Maybe he’s lost. RAMONA Or maybe... Howie looks at her. Ramona smiles, shivering deliciously. RAMONA (CONT'D) He’s a werewolf. HOWIE He’s not a werewolf. Werewolves only come out at night, technically. RAMONA Shhh. Don’t be so sure. (peeking up to study the dog) Oh yeah, that’s a werewolf. You can tell by that cheap dog collar he’s using as a disguise. Don’t let him hear you. He’s quick to pounce... As she says it, Ramona secretly (and discretely) reaches around Howie’s back to scare him. Waiting for the right moment... 6. RAMONA (CONT'D) His fangs are sharp and his eyes glow red when he’s hunting his next meal... She “claws” his far shoulder and GROWLS -- making Howie jump! RAMONA (CONT'D) Got ‘ya! But just then, the big dog WOOFS! Ramona jumps higher than Howie! They SCREAM and sprint away. Jumping hedges, splashing through sprinklers, leaping over innocent garden trolls. SCREAMING and LAUGHING through the neighborhood. They turn a corner and pass under a street sign that reads -- “KLICKITAT STREET.” A sleepy NEIGHBORHOOD of tall trees and simple homes -- the kind of increasingly rare place where kids can still ride their bikes and scooters freely. EXT. SIDEWALK - OUTSIDE RAMONA’S HOUSE - MOMENTS LATER Ramona stops in front of her HOUSE -- a modest, older home. The MAILBOX reads “THE QUIMBYS.” Cat ears and a whiskers drawn onto the “Q”. Ramona reaches in to collect mail -- Before WHAM! She topples out of frame -- rammed in the foot by four-year old WILLA JEAN on her scooter. She wears a bright t-shirt that reads -- “My Grandma Loves Me!” RAMONA Oww! Willa Jean keeps going. WILLA JEAN (gaily) ‘scuse me! Ramona grabs her sore foot and hops on one leg.