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SMSU Senate Votes Make a Decision Where 'The Boys' At? ASMSU concerts bring in the Back.door Boys for New Year's Concert pages 8-9 SMSU senate votes Excrement staff holds make a decision march on Washington She did say, however, the Senate expects to arcus Highdon make its first decision before this time next year. "Of course, if there are complications with ment Correspondent Y2K, it may take longer, .. she said. onetheless, the impressive decision has In yet another example of pro-active leader­ caused quite a stir among senators. he AS:\ISU student Senate has decided, by a 'Tm not sure if we should be deciding to majority vote, to make a decision. make a decision," ASMSU Senator John "I'm very proud of Senate's decision to make Khakipants said. "Deciding to decide on stuff i ion.·· AS:\ISU President Jerry Hairless said makes are job that much more difficult." sdav. "It's alwavs exciting to do something, In spite of the controversy, most Senator att~r what that ~omething may be. What are are in favor of the decision to decide. lking about?" "What's a decision?" ASMSU Senator Katie However. Vice President Kitty Kuntz Sprigallable questioned. "Maybe you should talk the decision to make a decision wasn't to Kitty or Jerry about this." ed lightly. According to Kuntz the pro­ Regardless of all else, Hairless remains op­ of deciding to make a decision is a te- timistic about the future of decision making for 1s one. The Senate first had to open dis­ ASMSU. ;ion on making a decision, discuss mak­ "Leadership and decision-making who a decision, take a recess for potty breaks would have thunk it?" Hairless pondered. "I hope juice and cookies, then came naptime, we decide to agree with whatever deceptive her potty break and finally the land mark scheme MSU administration can possibly come sion to make a decision. However, the up with," Hairless said. ess does not stop there. But, Kuntz quickly countered, "Jerry shut "We're still in the early stages of this," Kuntz your pie bole. We here at ASMSU are focused on . "Making decisions is completely new to us­ making the best decision possible. My vote's go­ on 't want to rush anything." ing towards bringing in a Starbucks on campus." Photo by Cameraman foe hey' ve fallen and they aren't gettin up Excrement Managing Editor Michelle Tokarski spouts a bitingly sarcastic criticism ofMSU parking and US.foreign policy to an In a national press confer­ impassioned crowd on the National Mall last week. ence held in Centennial Mall Thursday afternoon, with a me­ Nikes." morial to the deceased slipping Princess Gina According to Managing victims in the background, Uni­ Excrement Call Girl Editor Michelle Tokarski, the versity President Mike Malone first step of the process came addressed a crowd of teary eyed In a bold move last when Excrement employees students. In his speech he week reminiscent of the decided to stage a sit-in at the promised change, apologizing Million Man March of 1995, ASMSU office. that the issue was not addressed Excrement staffers went to "They seemed sym­ sooner, avoiding this tragedy. Washington D.C. with a pathetic to the parking "After meeting with repre­ message for the President: concerns, but we just sentatives of Faculty Services ·'Parking at MSU sucks, and couldn't get them to budge and the Dean of Students, the so do you." on the trade issues," university is looking into snow According to Editor Tokarski said. "That's plov.ring policy changes in order Marcus Hibdon, the folks at when we decided to cut to reduce the risk of such future the Excrement were inspired out the middle man and go lichelle the Milkmaid The students killed in the accidents,"' Malone said. "We to hold the march after they straight to the top: Hillary accident . were Jerry are also looking into adding a had problems finding parking Clinton. If she was busy. :crement Gold Digger Khakipants from Malibu, Ca­ class to the university core in spots. Subsequent efforts to then we'd find Socks!" lif. , Janet Streetwise from Ho­ the fine art of walking on ice - get the parking policy That was eight months nolulu, Hawaii, Anne Giblet past, present, and future." changed were unsuccessful. ago. According to Hibdon, Montana State University from Palm Springs, Calif., Malone also offered advice Also, President Clinton's plans for the march began udents will be mourning this Tracy Kneivel from Miami, to students concerned for their trade policies are the root of shortly after they were op­ 1als week, as the first snow Flor., and Marcus Ballyhoo own safety. "We encourage all widespread suffering and pressed by ASMSU. Staffers orm of the winter claimed the from La Jolla, Calif. students to seriously consider poverty in Third World Coun­ agreed that planning for the •es of five of their fellow class­ "I can't believe this could wearing helmets while walking tries. march was an exhausting ates. Thursday morning, five happen on our campus," Junior around campus. Remember, no "It just got to the point process. eshman engineering students civil engineering student Cravin one is immune to slipping on where we had enough, .. said " ow I know how Mar­ ied of complications due to Moorehead said. "When you ice, one moment of inattention Sports Editor Ian Costello. tin Luther King Jr. felt.," ead injuries received from, think of tragedies such as this can result in a severe, an poten­ "First I can't find a place to Hibdon said. hat appears to be a severe you always think of them hap­ tially deadly, slip.'' park my car, and then I find Despite a few minor rou p slip on the ice patch in pening to other campuses ... Bur out that babies are making see March page 5 ·ont of Renne Library. never MSu.·· see Ice page 4 December 10, 1999 2 The place where even weirdos and people who can't wTite get publish Screw the George Foreman grill, the What were true best inventions of the milenniu To the Editor: society, not world peace. 8) The Black Leat they thinking? So hear this loud and Jacket. Circa 195o's. Trying to pull the wool clear, these are the top ten Come on, if you do over eyes is one thing, but to inventions of the consider Fonzi's jacket to deny the greatness of some of millennium: one of the coolest dar You are about to enjoy the the inventions that "Big 10) Gun Powder. Circa things ever, you need Brother" tried to pass off as eleventh century. check into an institute wh1 Millennium issue of the plain, boring and not cool Let's look at this. Holy they might be able to tn enough to be dignified as a cow, never before in history your problems. The Leatl Excrement What you are about great scientific inventions is had that much power been Jacket went from "Cool" another. But these things, we held in the hands of man. James Dean to "Bad~ to see is an attempt (albeit pitiful know everyone likes them, so The overwhelming desire to Michael Jackson. It loo they deserve a little credit, "blow shit up" quickly good on everyboc in parts) of the Erponent staff to and if those Rich White became the cry of thousands Everybody. Bastards in Washington of generations of young men 7) The car. Twentie make you laugh. think they can keep me quiet and childlike adults. century. they have another thought Eventually leading to the O.K. So it gets you frc After a long semester and 26 coming. fantstic things like fireworks, point A to pornt B. But it g1 issues, we needed a break and, Let's be real here folks, bombs and the handgun, the you there faster than it's not a matter of who we invention of gunpowder horse, and for a lot le like you, we needed to laugh at are as we go into the next changed the course of smell. And even when Y• mellennium, what matters is history. look past the hunk of me1 ourselves. So please do not take what we play with and why it 9) Mini bottles of eye and rubber ready to screa makes us happy. drops. Late 198o's. into a dark summer's nigl offense (and please do not call the When we recreate, how If you don't know why it was also the first tru we recreate, and how this is one of the greatest "portable" make-out roor Editor.) recreation is better should inventions ever, you don't see Inventions page 3 Ifyou are offended at anything, define where we are as a need to ask. please accept our apologies in advance. With finals looming and EXCREMENT Christmas just around the comer his issue of the Excrement is brought to you by the letter "S" and the letter "P." Also, bv tht before the end of yet another number "5." We are not accepting letters to the editor until the Spring so put a sock u;: it. semester, we thought we'd lighten Editor• 994-2455 things up a bit. Marcus '·It may be cold outside but this issue is hot!" Hibdon ~ Managing Editor• 994-2224 The stories are fake, but the ads Michelle "Capitalism breeds fascism" Tokarski News Editor• 994-2551 are real so please don't forget to Jason "Wet behind the Ears"Lehmann patronize our advertisers and tell Features Editor• 994-3840 Jessica "Jelly Belly" Shoemaker them you saw it in the Excrement'.
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