$1.00 WWW.5TJT.COM VOL. 7 NO. 4 5 CHESHVAN 5767 jb ,arp OCTOBER 27, 2006

INSIDE FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK CELEBRATING ROSH CHODESH

Berries And Teeth BY LARRY GORDON Hannah Reich Berman 26 MindBiz Esther Mann, LMSW 28 Shield Of Abraham Cooking Concepts Is there anything greater ence for the most part. But Naomi Ross 32 than the practice of Jewish life Israel—for all its holiness and that can be attained inside the great spiritual possibilities—is Rachel Imeinu Yahrzeit Land of Israel? Perhaps a religiously barren to an extent Around The Five Towns 40 more appropriate query is that can make your head spin whether it is possible for in astonishment. Mother Knows Best Jewish observance to be con- This reality pains many, but Dr. Rafael Medoff 56 fined to any smaller fraction of few more than the Chief Rosh Chodesh Cheshvan was celebrated at the Hebrew Academy of Nassau the population than it is these Rabbi of Rehovot, Rav County in Uniondale with an electrifying concert by the ever-popular Chaim days inside Eretz Yisrael. I Simcha HaKohen Kook. Dovid Sarachik. The ruach was palpable as the Middle School and High School students danced, sang, and swayed to the rhythm and Chaim Dovid know that most of our readers Today Rav Kook is one of the moved the crowd with his heartfelt spiritual tunes. Residents of OHEL Bais do not see Israel that way and Ezra were invited to share the occasion and were warmly welcomed to sing that has not been our experi- Continued on Page 6 and dance along with the HANC students. See More Photos, Page 49 RABBINIC A New Beis HEARD IN THE BAGEL STORE LEADERSHIP OR Din Initiative Chol HaMoed Diary JUST POLITICS? BY RABBI YAIR Wedding of Duvi Chaitovsky HOFFMAN BY LARRY GORDON and Chana Serle. BY RABBI ARYEH DEAN, TIFERET CHAYA H.S. FOR GIRLS See Page 44 ZEV GINZBERG It takes strength. Endurance CHOFETZ CHAIM TORAH CENTER There is a new movement in and vestiges of youth are Eretz Yisrael whose goal is to always helpful. It involves rear- There is a disturbing phe- attract regular Israeli citizens ranging your daily routine. No, nomenon latent in the Torah to pursue their legal cases in not just rearranging it, but community that has recently batei dinim rather than in sec- rather turning it on its ear and resurfaced in our area. This ular courts. The organization sending it in a completely phenomenon is not really behind this movement is opposite direction. The inter- new—it has existed from the called “Gazit,” and it has offi- mediate days of our holidays— whether Sukkos or Pesach— Continued on Page 8 Continued on Page 10 A guanaco (a camel-like animal of Continued on Page 12 the grasslands) in the Bronx Zoo. Dr. Henry Bernstein and Dr. Tammy Roz. See Page 54 Visiting Yeshiva Ketana A Child’s Joy AT THE WEDDING Our Aliyah Chronicle, Part 25 Photo Prose BY SHMUEL KATZ BY GARY GERSHON RABENKO One of the hardest issues for us to deal with has been You are planning a very spe- adjusting to spoken Hebrew. cial day in your life. Your While my coworkers all speak thoughts, your emotions, and English (at varying levels of your joys and concerns all proficiency), our suppliers and shape the way you feel that the myriad of people I interact day, making the moments with at work are mostly meaningful. A photographer Dean Isaac Hershkowitz of Hebrew speakers only. Goldie must do justice to that myriad Touro College Graduate School is constantly dealing with of emotions. He must have the of Technology. See Page 59 repairmen (new construction sensitivity and skill to make a Rabbi Naftali Jaeger, Rosh Yeshiva of Yeshiva Sh’or Yoshuv of always needs fine tuning), meaningful statement. Other- CANDLE LIGHTING Lawrence, recently visited and spoke with the students and faculty of school teachers and adminis- wise, your photos will not Oct. 27 – 5:39 PM Yeshiva Ketana of Long Island. Rav Jaeger was warmly received and trators, and the many people have any personality, and Nov. 3 – 4:31 PM left an indelible impression on all present. The yeshiva is located in North Woodmere. See More Photos, Page 50 Continued on Page 14 Continued on Page 22 2 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 3 4 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 5 FROM THE EDITOR kibbutzim around the country the The part that is most astounding to Continued from Front Cover opportunity to host Rosh Hashanah me is that this is a dimension of Eretz and Yom Kippur services for their resi- Yisrael and the people of Israel that we most eloquent spokespersons and dents. The rav was surprised himself know is out there and exists and accept leaders for the type of Israel so many when it turned out that over 60 kibbut- for whatever it is. The thing that we P.O. BOX 690 LAWRENCE, NY 11559 of us hope and pray for several times a zim accepted the offer to host the have neglected is how so much of sec- 516-984-0079 [email protected] day. This past summer he was beside minyanim. The astounding thing about ular Israel—the majority of the coun- [email protected] himself once the Lebanon war broke the recently concluded yamim tovim try and the majority of our people—are LARRY GORDON out and the IDF as well as the citizen was how many of these heretofore reli- really a sponge for Torah, mitzvos, and Publisher/Editor population were incurring all kinds of giously void communities were recep- Yiddishkeit. Though Rav Kook is a very ESTA J. GORDON horrible casualties. As a result, he tive to the idea of holding services. busy man in his city of Rehovot and Managing Editor organized the Elef L’Mateh campaign “One kibbutz in particular had not had with a heavy travel schedule, he still YOSSI GORDON that asked people to adopt one soldier Director of Sales to keep in his or her daily prayers. Over CHANA ROCHEL ROSS 40,000 signed up, with some writing Editorial Assistant and explaining to the rabbi that they SIDI BARON, YAKOV SERLE, JERRY MARKOVITZ are Jews who had either never prayed “This experience emphasized to Sales Representatives before or had not prayed in a long SHMUEL GERBER time. More than anything, Rav Kook me how much Klal Yisrael is truly Chief Copy Editor epitomizes what one man can accom- MICHELE JUSTIC plish with the aid of fervent emunah Copy Editors and determination. one people and one nation.” CONTRIBUTING EDITORS Last Shabbos, I had the unique Howard M. Adelsberg, Esq. Irwin Benjamin, Hannah Reich Berman opportunity to spend Shabbos with Jamie Geller, Rabbi Aryeh Z. Ginzberg Rav Kook at the bar mitzvah of Azariah Yochanan Gordon, Michele Herenstein and Binyamin Martin of Lawrence, anything resembling organized prayer, feels that the onus is on him to bring Rabbi Mordechai Kamenetzky, Esther Mann whose parents, David and Barbara, least of all a minyan, in over 50 years,” authentic Judaism back to Jews wher- Rochelle Miller, Naomi Ross, Rabbi Avrohom Sebrow have a long-standing, close relation- said Rav Kook. ever they may be and however they Eli Shapiro, Paula L. Simmonds ship with the rabbi. Rav Kook spoke Another kibbutz, Misgav Am, was were raised. YOSEF BROWN MICHAL WEINSTEIN several times over Shabbos, and each founded on the border with Lebanon In a sense, we suffer terribly from Staff Graphic Artists time he spoke he was more intriguing over 60 years ago. Their excitement Israel’s secularism. So much of Israel IVAN NORMAN, IRA THOMAS and spellbinding than the time before. when the Sefer Torah was brought in is so lost and confused about what the Staff Photographers Rav Kook’s faith in the people of Israel for the laining was palpable. It is diffi- role of Israel and Jews is supposed to FRANKEL & CO., CREATIVE DESIGN LLC is inspiring—this despite what seems cult to fathom, but Jews young and old be in this world. And, unfortunately, Design & Production like decreasing observance of were astonished when they saw the this is true of Israel’s leadership today, TALIYE CORLEY Yiddishkeit amongst so much of Israel’s Torah scroll for the very first time. As which is caught in a profound type of Art Director population. Rav Kook describes it, one middle- limbo that has them thinking about The Five Towns Jewish Times is an independent weekly news- One of the many things Rav Kook aged man just could not get over it and their belief in the history of the Jewish paper. Opinions expressed by writers and columnists are not mentioned was the fact that he and a kept repeating to one of the minyan people, but somehow these thoughts necessarily those of the editor or publisher. We are not responsible for the kashrus or hashgachah of any product or small group of his supporters from organizers, “This is a Sefer Torah,” and establishment advertised in the Five Towns Jewish Times. Rehovot had organized and afforded again, “This is Torah?” Continued on Page 8

6 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 7 FROM THE EDITOR he looked at the words and read from Rabbinic Leadership reached, be strong, as well. The gossip the words of the Torah and became and misplaced comments heard around Continued from Page 6 Continued from Front Cover giddy, exclaiming to those around him, the water cooler by a minority amongst are mixed with the rejection of a type “Look, Hashem is talking to us! This is time of Moshe Rabbeinu—but that us that “it’s just politics” are indeed dis- of Jewish life they were certain was the way He speaks to us!” Rav Kook does not make it any less disturbing. turbing, and possibly even constitute going to disappear many years ago, but says that it is not true that much of What I am referring to is the atti- motzi sheim ra. did not. Today Israel’s leaders are Israel is lost and that there is no hope tude of cynicism toward, and the sec- I once heard Rav Ahron Dunner, shli- racked by the contradiction of what for bringing Torah to the masses. ond-guessing of, the decisions and ta, (of London) make the following they believed was once the destiny of “This experience emphasized to me actions of our rabbinic leadership by telling observation: When a doctor the Jewish people and how that plays how much Klal Yisrael is truly one peo- some in the community at large. When walks over to a person in shul after dav- with so much anti-Jewish and anti- ple and one nation,” Rav Kook said. He a united group of our community rab- ening and comments that he doesn’t Israel sentiments being expressed explained this is why we refer to banim and rashei yeshiva agonize over look so good and should begin taking a wherever one turns. Hashem daily in the Shemoneh Esreih difficult she’eilos in regard to the certain medicine right away, the person For those of us who live with Eretz as Magen Avraham—the Shield of kashrus of various establishments in greatly appreciates receiving the doctor’s Yisrael in our hearts and on our minds, Avraham: “We are all the children of our community and render their uni- free medical advice. There is a discrep- there is an understanding of a special Avraham, whose steadfast faith paved fied and well-thought-out decision, it ancy, though, in that when a rabbi relationship between Hashem, the the foundation for the Jewish nation.” is important for the future growth and comes over to a person in shul to com- People of Israel, and the Land of Israel. He added that no matter how secular a stability of our wonderful community ment that he’s doing something wrong, Internalizing the reality of that relation- Jew may be in Israel or anywhere else, to appreciate both the process and sig- or that his davening habits don’t look ship begins with prayer and is ultimate- what do you think would happen if he nificance of that decision. well, and offers a suggestion, the person ly facilitated with a relationship to were asked, for example, to convert to Do we as a kehillah have a deep becomes highly insulted, probably Torah—the recipe of creation. To sit Christianity? The rav says there is no sense of appreciation and hakaras ha’- storming out of shul in indignation. here and have to conjure an image that question that even for those living in a tov to our rabbinic leadership for their After all, if it’s a rabbi’s suggestion today there are millions of Jews living in religious vacuum, the answer would be valued service to our community? Or is that he dared to verbalize, it must be the land that from the beginning of an absolute no. “A Jew, no matter how our basic instinctive reaction and just politics! time was destined to belong to the ignorant of Torah, would not convert,” response that “it’s politics”? Unfortunately to some, our wonderful Jewish people, and that those people the rav said, explaining that this is what Is there an awareness of the days and rabbinic leadership is extremely impor- live with something between ignorance is meant by the Shield of Avraham, pro- weeks of ongoing and often agonizing tant to us only so long as they limit and total rejection is just too much for tecting Jews through the generations. discussions and debate amongst our themselves to attending our simchas, someone like Rav Kook to take. That’s There is much work to be done, the Torah leadership before a decision is supervising our restaurants and pizza why he swung into action, mobilizing rabbi explained, and it’s important to rendered? The needs of the community shops, and selling our chametz for us on people with no relation to prayer to know that people are being receptive and factors of bein adam lachaveiro,on erev Pesach. Yet should they attempt to begin praying—if not for themselves or to integrating Torah and tefillah into the one hand, often conflict with the question a faulty eiruv, criticize breaches their families, then for their brethren their lives. “We need to take small need to preserve the integrity and digni- of tzenius in the community, or, G-d for- living under dangerous circumstances steps, because they’ve been neglected ty of kashrus responsibility and reliabili- bid, commit the most cardinal sin of all during the war in Lebanon. for so long,” Rav Kook said. The ty, on the other. Yet when the rabbanim and tell us not to frequent a particular Rav Kook told the story about one important thing to note, he says, is and rashei yeshiva from all segments of food establishment (that has committed young man in his mid-twenties who, that there is good reason to hope for a our community come to an unequivocal numerous and flagrant violations over over the High Holy Days on one of great future for all of Israel. ❖ and unified decision, it is imperative the years), then they are relegated to the these kibbutzim, took his first look Comments for Larry Gordon are welcome at that communal respect for that deci- age-old attitude towards rabbinic leader- inside of a Sefer Torah. The rav says that [email protected]. sion, and the process by which it was ship: that it’s all about politics.

8 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES The Malbim, zt’l, was once appoint- was being held in a year-round kosher father, HaGaon Rav Dovid Singer, zt’l, that everyone in the community should ed rav of a certain city, but he abruptly hotel that allowed mixed swimming in on the statement in Maseches Shabbos have the proper understanding and resigned after just a few months of their pool during the summer months. (56a) that says “Kol ha’omeir David respect for rabbinical leadership, service. The lay leadership of the com- Yet, the Moetzes Gedolei HaTorah, due to chata eino ella to‘eh—Whoever says that integrity, and responsibility. That can munity was shocked and, not wanting a variety of considerations, agreed to David HaMelech sinned is only making a never happen, as we see explicitly in the to lose such a world-renowned gaon as hold its annual convention there. mistake.” The question is, Why does the Megillah. At the end of Megillas Esther, their rav, went to see him. They asked Over Shabbos, in certain circles of Gemara use the unusual terminology of we read that the great Mordechai was him, “Why does the rav not want to people, there was criticism toward the “eino ella to‘eh” (lit., “he is nothing but ratzui lerov echav—he was accepted by a continue to service our wonderful rabbinic leadership for allowing the mistaken”) when it should simply say the “majority” of Klal Yisrael. For years I was city?” The Malbim responded, convention to be held in such a place, word “to‘eh,” “he is mistaken”? Rav baffled by this pasuk. After all, “Because this is the first question that where the laws of tzenius are violated Dovid, zt’l, insightfully explained that Mordechai had just saved Klal Yisrael I’ve been asked since I accepted the throughout the year. The highlight of when the Gemara says “eino ella to‘eh”it from total annihilation by Amalek’s evil position of rav here.” the conventions for decades had means that if you say David HaMelech descendant Haman; why doesn’t it say The lack of appreciation and under- always been the shalosh seudos address sinned, then everything you think and that he was ratzui lekol echav, accepted standing of the rabbinic process and all by Maran HaGaon Rav Yaakov you say is wrong; it’s all a mistake. If you by all his people? The answer is that, the efforts in rendering a difficult deci- Kaminetzky, zt’l. He rose to speak, and are so mistaken here, then you’re off in also back then, even a tzaddik as great as sion affecting the lives of many in the taught the following important lesson. everything you think and believe. Mordechai had to endure the small community—though this lack is limited “One who says that a dove is a for- If our attitude towards a decision minority of skeptics who claimed that “it to a small minority and these sentiments bidden bird after Chazal says it’s per- made by a collective group of rabbanim was all about politics.” clearly come from the effects of reading mitted is no less an Apikores than one and rashei yeshiva from across the The majority of community mem- misguided and misinformed newspaper who says a raven is kosher after Chazal whole spectrum of the community is bers feel truly indebted to our rabbinic editorials—is, nevertheless, disturbing. say it’s forbidden.” With those words, that it is “just politics,” then every time leadership for their efforts to ensure The late Torah leader Rav Moshe he sat down; but the impact of those you hear a d’var Torah, ask a she’eilah the highest quality of kashrus responsi- Sherer, zt’l, once shared with me an inci- words continued until this day. (See regarding hilchos niddah or basar bility and integrity for our wonderful dent that took place at an Agudah con- ArtScroll biography of Reb Yaakov, b’chalav, or just ask for an eitzah, it real- community. For the small minority vention decades earlier. The convention page 208, for details of the story). ly has no significance to it, for it is all who choose to criticize or be skeptical, My good friend Reb Eli Singer shared just more of the same—it’s just politics. we do truly understand that, after all, with me a brilliant insight from his late I would be extremely naive to think “it’s just politics.” ❖ CALENDAR LUACH Oct. 27 – Nov. 4 ZIP Code: 11516

5 Cheshvan – Erev Shabbos Friday, October 27 Daf yomi: Sukkah 55 Z’manim*: Earliest tallis/tefillin: 6:25 am EDT Sunrise: 7:20 am EDT Latest Shema: M. Av. 9:22 am EDT Gr’a 9:58 am EDT Candle Lighting: 5:39 pm EDT 6 Cheshvan – Shabbos Saturday, October 28 Shabbos Parashas Noach Shabbos Ends**: 6:39 pm EDT 72 min. 7:09 pm EDT 12 Cheshvan – Erev Shabbos Friday, November 3 Daf yomi: Beitzah 8 Earliest tallis/tefillin: 5:32 am EST Sunrise: 6:28 am EST Latest Shema: M. Av. 8:26 am EST Gr’a 9:02 am EST Candle Lighting: 4:31 pm EST 13 Cheshvan – Shabbos Saturday, November 4 Shabbos Parashas Lech-Lecha Shabbos Ends**: 5:31 pm EST 72 min. 6:01 pm EST * from MyZmanim.com ** add a few minutes for tosefos Shabbos according to your minhag Municipal Calendar For 5 Towns and NYC Saturday Night–Sunday, October 29 Daylight-Savings Time ends; turn clock back one hour (2:00 a.m. Sunday)

Tuesday, October 31 – Halloween Wednesday, November 1 NYC: Alternate-side parking regulations suspended; other parking regulations remain in effect. 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 9 Beis Din of Hashem’s Name. It is, in essence, enforceability in the Israeli legal system. option for a Torah-observant Jew. In Continued from Front Cover stating that the Torah’s system of jus- One of the rabbis behind the Gazit ini- fact, baruch Hashem, there are numer- tice is inferior to another system. It is tiative is Ramat Gan Chief Rabbi Yaakov ous lawyers who are aware of the cially launched a chain of beis din equivalent to “stepping on the Torah” Ariel. “We have an ancient tradition with severity of the prohibition and always courts for this purpose. and cursing it. There are numerous hundreds of thousands of legal decisions direct their potential clients to seek Gazit’s literature is designed to be sections in the Torah telling us how to that can serve as a basis for an entirely redress in a beis din rather than court. attractive to the uninitiated. “Who is resolve civil disputes. These sections Jewish legal system,” said Rav Ariel. Aside from the seriousness of the pro- smarter, Aharon Barak or Maimonides?” are as much a part of the Torah as the Gazit is backed by leading names in hibition involved, there are other ramifi- asks the headline. “Then why do you laws of kashrus and Shabbos. The pro- Jewish law, such as the Israeli former cations, as well. According to Rabbi prefer Israeli law to Jewish law?” hibition is actually a Torah prohibition, deputy attorney-general Nachum Akiva Eiger (C.M. 26:1), any money The appeal is attractive and is catch- as can be seen clearly in the Talmud Rakover, former district court judge gained through an award in secular ing people’s attention. (Gittin 88b). There the verse is Gavriel Kling, former Supreme Court court that would not have been awarded “Real justice and truth cannot be expounded, “These are the laws that judge Zvi Tal, and Shimon Yaakovi, in accordance with Torah law consti- found in secular law, only in Torah law. you shall place before them—before legal advisor to the state rabbinic tutes halachic theft. Until this money is This is a most welcome initiative,” said them, and not before gentile courts.” courts. Other rabbinic figures, such as returned, the recipient is ineligible to act Rav Hershel Ausch, Av Beis Din of the The current system of law in Israel Judge Shlomo Diechovsky and Rabbi as a witness at a Jewish wedding or as a Karlsburg Rabbinical Kollel (Dayan is a mix between the old Ottoman law Ratzon Arussi, a member of the Chief witness on any halachic document. Roth’s beis din) in Boro Park (Brooklyn). and British law. The vestige of gentile Rabbinate’s Governing Council, are The prohibition of going to secular The truth is that our local commu- influence in the legal system (and also involved. court applies not only to the litigants, nities in the United States could also other aspects of Israeli culture) is Given the severity of the prohibition but to the lawyers who represent them, use this type of initiative. The large somewhat vexing to those with a true of going to secular courts, why is it that as well. There is a serious issue of numbers of otherwise religious Jews sense of Jewish pride. (Another such so many people in this country violate it? lifnei iveir—misleading the “blind”— who flock to the secular court system example of British influence is the fact There are a number of factors. Some involved in such activity. Witnesses is rather high. that the highest mark a good Jewish people are perhaps quite simply unaware who help an individual who has pur- In order to understand this initia- boy can score on his Tzahal physical is of the severity of the prohibition. Others sued the matter in secular court may tive, it is necessary for us to go back a a 97. They take off three points on may justify themselves on other grounds. also be in violation of lifnei iveir. bit—900 years. The Rambam (Hilchos account of an operation—yes, that’s They might say, “What’s the point? We The fact is that every Torah commu- Sanhedrin 26:7) tells us, “Anyone who right—the b’ris milah.) will only end up in court, anyway!” Or, nity should make sure that there is a seeks judgment in a secular court is a The goal of Gazit is to reach all parts “Let me tell you, these beis dins are so functioning beis din in the vicinity so wicked person, and it is as if he has of Israeli society—secular and reli- corrupt themselves!” And finally, often that members of the community are blasphemed and rebelled against the gious, male and female, Jew and non- the heat and passion of the issue not tempted to resort to secular courts. law of Moshe Rabbeinu, as it says, Jew. Gazit is actually a union of nine between the two parties causes them to What if both parties are amenable to ‘And these are the laws which you shall rabbinic courts in Israel who push to become somewhat irrational and lose going to secular court? Is there still a set before them’—and not before a ensure that Jewish secular society is perspective as to the right thing to do. prohibition? The answer is yes. The secular authority.” The Shulchan exposed to the infinite beauties of Although there are times when one Shulchan Aruch clearly rules (C.M. Aruch (Choshen Mishpat 26:1) uses Jewish jurisprudence. may go to secular court, these are rare 26:1) that the prohibition is still in force the same language in describing the The Israeli initiative proposes a sys- and may only be implemented with the in such a case. The Ramban, in the severity of the prohibition. tem that would work in the same man- direct consultation of a poseik or beis beginning of Parashas Mishpatim, states The reason the issue of going to sec- ner that batei dinim work in this coun- din familiar with these halachos. The the same position. ular courts is so severe is that it is a try: the batei dinim would be a recog- main point is that going to secular terrible chillul Hashem—a desecration nized arbitration body that would have court against another Jew is not an Continued on Page 13

10 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 10A 10B October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 11 HEARD IN THE BAGEL STORE tained as they have become accus- order). So they put together an itiner- want to open in the afternoon but she tomed to during Chol HaMoed. That’s ary for us for the first two days of the insisted that she didn’t mind having Continued from Front Cover all fine and good, but we are not Chol intermediate days of the chag that was the full day off, saying that she needed bring life as we have come to know it to HaMoed robots. There is the matter of somewhat merciless, even brutal. the rest. On a recent Friday afternoon, a screeching halt. We must step out of dealing with days off from work, ener- It started with a beautiful day in the after she wished me a very good our usual confined, restrictive routines gy, stamina, patience, and so on. Bronx Zoo. It was Columbus Day, and Shabbos, I asked her if she likes and redefine our lives. When it comes to what to do on many kids and adults were off from Shabbos. She responded that she just Of course it’s only like that if you these days, there are only a few good school and work so the place was seri- loves it. I asked her if there was any- can extricate yourself from your usual choices. As a result, lots of people end ously jammed, especially for a Monday. thing like the Shabbos she has come to work routine over the holidays. up doing much of the same thing. And I often wonder whether management know here back in Korea, and she con- Anything short of not going to work this, of course, creates a great deal of in places like this zoo and other enter- fessed that it was a foreign or non-exis- will not do the trick. I can report that congestion as well as very long lines. It’s tainment venues are aware that an oth- tent concept. I’ve thankfully been on both sides of important to note that this is not some- erwise innocuous holiday that cannot Another segment of the working this Chol HaMoed equation. When I thing that only occurs in New York. In be found on their calendars is occur- population that has to know about say both sides, I do indeed mean every- Israel this past Sukkos, the folks who ring. Does the director of this zoo, or Shabbos and especially Yom Tov is the thing from indentured servitude all the put together the now famous kite festi- of Great Adventure, or the aquarium in bank managers. The gentleman I deal way to a little too much freedom to do val that you read about in these pages Coney Island have a Jewish calendar with around here is sometimes so too many Chol HaMoed things. And last week expected about 2,000 people tacked up on his or her wall to know caught off guard by the lack of cus- I’m thankful for both, because one to attend. Over 7,000 showed up at the when the yamim tovim will happen? tomers on some holidays during a without the other would most likely be event. In Hebron there was a I’ve always noticed, for example, that banking day that he has on occasion meaningless. Mordechai Ben David concert in front many barbers who are non-Jews but turned to me and incredulously asked, This year provided a long-anticipat- of the Cave of the Patriarchs. They who practice their craft in Jewish “What happened to the people?” ed bonus for youngsters of all ages who expected 25,000. Instead, over 60,000 neighborhoods have these calendars Well, on the first day of Chol look forward to the celebratory nature people jammed into little Jewish tacked up on their walls. They have to HaMoed, I can report that a great and the accompanying giddy endless- Hebron. There were stampedes and know about the Three Weeks and sefi- many of the people were in the Bronx ness of a long Chol HaMoed. For people were hurt, though thankfully no rah and Chol HaMoed. They have to Zoo. This is one very big place, spread many, as you’ve seen in these pages one was hurt seriously. know when we cut our hair in droves over hundreds of acres. You have a over the last couple of weeks, there is It’s hard to imagine, but it sounded and when we don’t cut at all—it is choice of walking many miles or wait- the fashion in which the Yom Tov is to me as if what took place at the essential for their business survival. ing on very long lines for very slow celebrated in Eretz Yisrael and then Bronx Zoo on the first day of Chol I believe it’s the same with dry trolleys to take you around the place. there is the way we do it here. Israel is HaMoed, while not as spiritual as what cleaners. They have to know when we Like I said above, it was just a splen- all-consuming. Just being in Israel is a took place in Hebron, was nevertheless as a group need everything altered and did day to be in the zoo and to be Yom Tov, so you can imagine the mag- more orderly. I’ve been to zoos many cleaned by tomorrow and when we walking around enjoying the summer- nification of the celebration when you times over the years, but this one has abstain completely. The dry cleaner like day. Still, we returned home are there and it is Yom Tov, as well. to be the king, or let’s say the Lion that I usually use has been wishing me exhausted and filled with anticipation The overwhelming majority of peo- King, of zoos, if you will. My younger “a very good Shabbos,” on any week at planning to spend part of the next ple in our community, however, cele- children—ages 14 and 11—put a full- that I am there after Wednesday after- day exploring Manhattan, having din- brate Yom Tov here in our physical and court press on this for Chol HaMoed noon. She is from Korea and this past ner in an exquisite sukkah attached to geographic Diaspora. And this year this year. They were determined not to summer she discussed with me My Most Favorite Dessert Company that meant dealing with lots of time off lose out just because their parents are whether or not she should close on on West 45th Street, and capping it all from school and keeping kids enter- busy and tired (not necessarily in that Tishah B’Av. I told her that she might off with a tumultuous, albeit rocking,

12 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES time in Madison Square these. It reminds one of what every week, it struck me that Garden, where the New York the Baal Shem Tov said about it was possible that the great Rangers lost to the the power of chesed and the expanse of this zoo may have Philadelphia Flyers. simultaneous greatness of been created, built, rebuilt, It might sound funny, but I humble man. He said that it refurbished, restocked, genuinely could not wait to get is indeed possible to be creat- cleaned up, and painted back to work. Not that work is ed so that some day you can, again and again just so some relaxing. Rather, there is some- let’s say, hold a door open for celebrators of Chol HaMoed thing about it that feels safer, an older person or help some- could enjoy some of G-d’s or at least emotionally more one out with some other kind- immense and unfathomable comfortable, than walking ness. The act of kindness can creation right here in our around the Bronx Zoo all day be fleeting. It may only last a own backyard. It’s apparently or sitting in Madison Square few minutes or perhaps only worthwhile for the Bronx Garden. You’ll have to excuse seconds. But the power of the Zoo—as well as the Garden, me, but I skipped Hershey act itself is enough to warrant the museums, and the other Park this year, and not unin- your being placed on this attractions—to do its thing tentionally. We’ve already been world and living some 80 or (whatever that is) all year down that long road and no 90 years. long just so it can be turned one here was interested in In the vastness of this zoo, into a wonderland come Chol doing it again—thankfully. with animals imported from HaMoed. Which is exactly And finally, you can’t help all areas of the globe and what it was. ❖ but marvel at how during this with tens of thousands of Comments for Larry Gordon are one week, all of these ven- people visiting each and welcome at [email protected]. ues—whether the Madame Tussauds museum, the Garden, the great restau- rants, the beautiful sukkahs, or even the zoo—are overrun with families featuring frum little kids of every possible stripe enjoying themselves. They are utilizing Yom Tov to partake in a part of the world that we hardly ever frequent but that is there for us when it comes to special days like

Beis Din Continued from Page 10 There is, however, an inter- esting angle that the Sanzer Rav has presented, one that could open some fascinating possibilities. The Sanzer Rav writes in Responsa Divrei Chaim (C.M. Vol. II #30) that although taking a case to secu- lar court—even on the condi- tion that the court apply the ruling of Torah law—is not per- mitted, if both litigants were to agree to the condition that a beis din rule in accordance with current secular law, the condition would be valid. What this means is that, in theory, a beis din can be used as an alter- native court system, where the law can be researched and argued by regular lawyers. Some people have had nega- tive experiences in beis din, even when they felt that the beis din ruled correctly.At times the dayanim are not as careful as they should be in making sure that the arbitration agree- ments are filled out properly. At other times they may not be aware of possible fraudulent misrepresentations that can be made at the time the arbitration agreement is signed. Finally, it is possible that the beis din may not take the necessary steps to ensure that a court cannot reverse its final ruling on appeal. In order to circumvent these problems, it is important to have good halachic and legal

Continued on Page 18 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 13 Aliyah Chronicle ing for a definition. I try to level with speaking the lan- that these things take time. So sure what Batya wanted, so Continued from Front Cover read the newspaper here at guage and to broaden her they approach school with an she asked her to repeat it, just least once or twice a week (in vocabulary. She tries very hard understanding that they might to make sure. When she real- needed to keep our lives in Hebrew) and hope that even- and can always call my sister or not understand everything that ized that Batya had successful- order. Yet, we manage. tually I will understand the sister-in-law if she really gets is said. In the short term, this is ly communicated with her in I can converse in Hebrew news on the radio over time stuck on a word. great. But for the long term they Hebrew, she immediately gave somewhat comfortably, and (they speak so quickly). The kids, however, have a will have less internal motiva- her a huge hug and stopped when I don’t understand Goldie understands Hebrew much more difficult time of it. tion to figure out the “gobbledy- the whole class from what they something I am not at all shy and can converse, but is also The older ones are at least gook” (Chaim’s word). were doing. In front of the about mentioning it and ask- taking ulpan to gain a comfort mature enough to understand The younger ones are simply whole class, she praised Batya angry about the language and all the girls clapped for her issues. All they understand is and were so excited for her. that they have no clue, that I cannot describe how pow- everyone else seems to know erful Batya’s excitement and what to do and what is going pleasure was. She was on and they just sit there. It extremely proud of herself and was extremely difficult at first, was also encouraged to keep since nobody wanted to even trying harder and harder to do anything about it until after learn more. (How great was the holidays and ulpan only that morah’s response?! What a started right before the chagim. terrific way to stimulate Batya’s Yet, we are beginning to see desire to continue learning!) differences in the kids. Moshe Although she knows that she comes home from gan and will will miss half of her day in respond to questions in either school, she is suddenly so moti- Hebrew or English. As the vated to go to ulpan and contin- youngest child, he will have the ue developing her Hebrew least adjustment to deal with. skills. Her joy is contagious and He is just learning to speak has trickled both down and up English and will have the easi- to the other kids who see her est time picking up Hebrew happiness and want to achieve since he is already using those it for themselves. skills in learning English. Batya’s homework is also Mordechai recognizes the hardest for us (Goldie) to words now and has really made keep up with. As a second a conscious effort to incorpo- grader, most of the reading rate them into his daily rou- and writing she is doing has to tine. He has made some do with developing vocabulary friends at his gan (one boy in and the introduction of new particular—Chaim Rock, who words. Since our vocabularies lives across the street from are only good enough for us to us—is with Mordechai all the get by in conversations, we time) whom he interacts with, (Goldie) have to sit with her and he has begun to get an and use our Oxford Hebrew- idea of what the morah wants English dictionary in order to from him. Sometimes. figure out what is going on. Of course, this past week And then, once we have given he had to have a regression up, we call my sister. since he has been out of Interestingly, Aliza has school for so long because of almost the exact opposite feel- the chagim. The truth is that ings as Batya toward ulpan.As while we enjoyed the chagim one of the most advanced and the time we got to spend Hebrew speakers in her ulpan together, the change in rou- level, she feels as if she is tine and having to reestablish gaining nothing from ulpan the routine has definitely and is missing too much aca- been difficult for us. demic learning by being in The toughest adjustment has ulpan. She is ready to quit been Batya’s. In second grade and just attend the regular and with a real thirst for learn- class. She took a test right ing, she was initially very excit- before the chagim to see if she ed to be coming to Israel and to can skip out of ulpan. learn a new language. She Our week started out with approached the summer camp everyone off from school, experience with a tremendous except for Moshe, who had attitude and had a terrific time. gan on Sunday. While Chaim She took a special ulpan before had the whole week off, the school began and was raring to rest of the kids were back in go on the first day of school. school on Monday. We had But it just didn’t happen for her. expected the week to see the She began to hate school. beginning of full school days, She dreaded going to the bus as we were promised would and came home frustrated happen “acharei ha’chaggim” and angry. Even with all of (after the holidays). However, that she never gave up. Then, the funding apparently has a couple of days after Yom not yet come through, so they Kippur, she had a major are still working on an abbre- breakthrough in school. They viated school schedule. were making sukkah decora- Getting into sync definitely tions and Batya went up to took the whole week. On the morah and asked for Tuesday night, Goldie took the another piece of orange older two girls to Yerushalayim paper—in Hebrew! for a women’s concert. It was a Initially, the teacher wasn’t belated birthday present for 14 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES Aliza, who had hinted for weeks that she wanted to go to that show. Goldie drove into Yerushalayim with Chaia Broderick and was very nervous about driving on her own. We reviewed exactly where every- thing was, and the trip went as planned. She got in and out of Yerushalayim quite easily and had no problems parking for the show. She did comment how much colder it was in Yerushalayim than in Beit Shemesh. My sister mentioned something to me about the weather, as well. She lives in a suburb of Tel Aviv and asked me if the rain was getting to me yet. I was surprised at the question. Last Sunday, the day after we dav- ened Teffilat Geshem (the Prayer for Rain), I was at the train station waiting for the morning train to Yerushalayim when it began to drizzle for the first time since we arrived in Israel. I was astounded at the fact that it was literal- ly the day after we had davened for rain. Within minutes, the drizzle turned into a torrential downpour. By the time the train arrived, it had settled into a steady rain. Leaving the station that day, I noticed that the train seemed to be going slower than usual. A couple of miles into the ride, the train stopped and lost all power. After a couple of minutes, the conductor got onto the public-address system and announced that the rain had disabled the train and that we would be returning to Beit Shemesh where we could catch spe- cially hired buses to get us to the city. Think about it: the rain disabled the train. Only in Israel. I took advantage of the rail problems by calling in to the office to tell them the trains were out and that I would be working from home that day. However, we have not had a single drop of rain since that day, which is why my sister’s call took me by sur- prise. Why would she be asking me about the rain, when clearly none was falling? Apparently, even though Tel Aviv is only 45 minutes away, the weather is totally different there and they had rain every day all week. There is a phrase in the U.S., “Don’t accept any wooden nickels,” referring to not accepting counterfeit currency. I had to take a taxi to our attorney’s office on Wednesday afternoon, and I handed the driver a 100-shekel bill to pay a 30-shekel fare. Included in the change was a 50 shekel bill, which he placed between the other bills and coins he handed me (and I think I now know why, as you’ll see). When I walked into the attorney’s office, I mentioned to him how strange the bill felt to me. He laughed and gave me some papers I was waiting for. That evening, I went to the train sta- tion and stopped at the supermarket to buy a drink for the ride home. I knew I was in trouble when the cashier asked me, “What is this?” She called the store manager over and he gave me a big speech about how he is really supposed to call the police to report me for pass- ing a phony bill, but since I don’t appear to be the counterfeiter he would give me a pass. He then spent 10 min- utes teaching me how to spot a phony

Continued on Page 18 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 15 16 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 17 Aliyah Chronicle Continued from Page 15

bill, and exactly why the 50-shekel bill I had presented was no good. Thankfully, 50 shekels is equal to about $12, so the lesson wasn’t as expensive a lesson as it could have been. I have the bill posted on the wall in my office to remind me that there is always a lesson to be learned somewhere. On Shabbat our block held its own kiddush. We live on Rechov Gad in the Sheinfeld neighborhood. One side of the block is townhouses full of apart- ments. Our side of the block is private (two-family) semi-attached homes. There is a real sense of chevrah (community) here on the block. We even have our own Yahoo Groups mail- ing list. On Wednesday, we got an e- mail from the list about the third annual block kiddush which would be taking place on Shabbat Beresheet. Back in the U.S.A. it was always a dream of mine to have a block party with the neighbors. I envisioned closing the block to traffic and having a BBQ with maybe some entertainment for the kids. That is not what we had here. However, we did have a lot of fun and were given an opportunity to meet sev- eral nice families whom we had not yet met. Everyone brought a drink (no, not alcoholic; we are apparently a “dry” block) as well as something to eat (cake, cookies, kugel) and their kids. It was set up in the middle of the street and really provided a pleasant opportunity for many of us to meet each other for the first time. ❖ Special mazal tov to Josh and Daniella Rudoff (currently of Beit Shemesh and formerly of Cedarhurst) upon the birth of their son. May they be zocheh l’gadlo l’brito bizmano, l’Torah, l’chuppah, u’lmaasim tovim.

Shmuel Katz is the director of Yeshivat Eretz HaTzvi in the Katamon neighborhood in Jerusalem. Shmuel and his wife, Goldie (the telecommuting controller at Bnos Bais Yaakov of Far Rockaway), and their six children (ages 1 to 15) made aliyah on July 5. Prior to his aliyah, Shmuel was the executive director of the Yeshiva of South Shore in Hewlett. If you have a specific question (beyond “Are you out of your mind?”), please feel free to contact him at [email protected].

Beis Din Continued from Page 13 advice, with attorneys and toanim who are familiar with these types of issues. It should be noted that one may apply to secular court to enforce a ruling of beis din that is being ignored. Indeed, one authority (Maharsham, Responsa Vol. I #89) even writes that it is a mitzvah to do so. This position is backed by numerous authorities and is the normative halachic practice in the United States. There are a number of high-quality batei dinim in the New York metropol- itan area that can resolve a wide array of disputes. There are also a number of lawyers and halachic advisors who can help guide a possible litigant in the process. Referrals are available from the author upon request. ❖

Yair Hoffman, dean of Tiferet Chaya High School-The Carol Tepler High School for Girls in Hewlett, New York can be reached at [email protected] or by phone at the school at 516-239-4190. Tiferet Chaya needs your support. Please contact the school to see how you can help! 18 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 19 20 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 21 Photo Prose much the photographer can do to con- minutes for someone to shed the dis- group may be 10 feet wide, but the Continued from Front Cover trol the appearance of the background, traction of being the subject of picture- photographer should have at least making the most of the contribution of taking. Constant interruptions by another 6 feet on each side. Much you will be disappointed that there is the entire environment to the feel of guests, the caterer, or a musician might more is needed for artistic full-length nothing special about them. the finished image and, far more mean that the one great shot the pho- shots and for larger groups. Ideally, the Do you want to look your best? Of importantly, the look of the subject. tographer was building up to will sim- photographer should have a minimum course. Obviously, photographers vary in their ply never occur—one great shot that of 20 feet from the wall to shoot an But do you want an image with a skill level, they vary in their experi- will lead to other great shots! Once, I individual and 50 feet to shoot a group. fake, artificial, and meaningless ence, and they vary in their concern, had finally gotten a groom to relax as Yes, we have wide lenses. But if I have expression? Why would you?! Are you depth of analysis, and sensitivity. he was being photographed, an hour room to move back, I can do amazing concerned that unless you pose with a Yet if you speak to those with serious late already. Just as I was getting a nice things: I can do a variety of emotional, big “‘Cheese!’ smile” you won’t look skills and talent, you will hear their expression, the band leader insisted on dramatic, and playful shots. I can con- happy? Are you thinking more about frustration. They will confide that reviewing the song list with him! trol the background so you have no the outward expressions on your face despite all their efforts, equipment, Take your own photos as you idea of what it is, or I can use it for rather than the inward feelings of your and experience, they are limited in please—but not during the photo ses- effect. If you force me to work in a heart? Is the photo session a necessary what they can do by others at an event, sion. A good photographer should use small space, I am much more limited. pain and distraction to your simcha,or who either don’t know or don’t care emotional, theatrical, and dramatic Lighting. What could be more a terrific opportunity to visually about your finished photos. techniques to work the crowd. important than this? Ever notice that express your feelings for those you love When I started, I named my column Controlling light, angles, etc., while some photographers have “room so much? “Photo Prose,” saying how words make maintaining a running rapport with lights”—large electronic flash units Previously, we discussed how por- all the difference in the images we cre- the subject is not easy. Keeping track around the room? Aim and placement traits convey something about the sub- ate. They are the words we think with, of photos done and still needed is real- are critical—a slight tilt or turn…for- ject other than just how they look. Light the words we use to discuss the ly tough. Expecting this to be done get it! Also, a light’s position must be makes all the difference, and facial images, the words we use with photog- while you are distracting the subject as calculated based on crowd activity, features, including expression and atti- raphers, and the words they use. Using well as the photographer? … photographer’s preferred shooting tude, appear differently according to words here to discuss some of the Impossible! A true photographic artist position, and relationship to the other the light deployed. The ability to prop- problems photographers face at the puts much into each shot. It is lights. Just as the caterer’s seasonings erly take a portrait can take many years event can help everyone work best absolutely not just “taking” a picture. It all work together and your orchestra of experience, and literally thousands together to produce imagery that, as I is sculpting, shaping, softening, or uses instruments together to produce a of shoots, to master. have always said, should mean the strengthening. Many little things are sound, these lights must be in certain Most people will agonize over the most later. being addressed in an attempt to make positions to work together. When skill- slightest difference in expression, try- Interruptions. Imagine a speaker the result special. Not only does your fully positioned, aimed, and calibrated, ing to choose the “better one.” A who is constantly interrupted. His holding a camera cause the subject to they will add tremendous excitement change in lighting direction, contrast, point will be lost. A good photographer look to you, but it could be interpreted and depth to your dancing photos. But color, or quality, can make a huge dif- should use a theatrical quality to work as a way of getting the photographer’s if placed just a bit off, they can ruin ference. So too can the photographer’s one pose into the next. During the por- creation without paying for it. How your photos with shadows, high con- choice of background treatment, cam- trait session, the photographer tries to should the artist feel about that? trasts, and uneven exposure. era angle, and lens used. Does the create a mood. That is what fashion Placement. Often even the most Success is based on little things. The background have texture or detail? photographers have always done; why lavish event plans leave no space for biggest differences between vendors How it will look depends on how the not event photographers? Interruption the photographers to work in. More photographer lights it. There is so should be minimized. It can take 20 width is needed than you think. A Continued on Page 29

22 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 23 ready for habitation. and confusion. Our world is a mabul of Why did Noach dispatch these winged moral disarray and distorted priorities. emissaries? Obviously, he was eager to But even as the chaos of a still-unper- rebuild; to replace the mayhem of the fected world churns about us, we have Flood with a new, harmonious world. the ability to create, as did Noach, an However, it would seem that Noach island of tranquility and perfection, shel- would have had little use for whatever tered by the protective words (teivos)of information these “reconnaissance Torah and prayer. flights” might provide him. In fact, even Furthermore, the personal havens From The Chassidic Masters after he was convinced that the Flood we create are not confined to the inte- was over, Noach could not act on his own rior world of our minds and hearts. As assessment that the earth was ready for a was the case with Noach’s teivah,we The Window new beginning to take root. Noach had also bring “specimens” from the out- first entered the Ark by the explicit com- side world into the sanctity of our mand of G-d, and as long as he did not “ark.” Through our observance of the It happened before: A world drowning a violent world. Within, Noach presided receive further instructions to the con- mitzvos, we employ a great variety of in violence awaited redemption; it wait- over a miniature universe: his family; trary, the Divine injunction, “Come into the creatures and elements to fulfill ed for Divine action, because man had and—as G-d had instructed him—“of the Ark,” remained in force. Only upon G-d’s will: the animal hide that is made done all that was in his power and the all living things, two of each kind, a being commanded to “Go out from the into tefillin; the wool spun into tzitzis; rest was up to G-d. male and a female; and specimens of Ark” and “be fruitful and multiply and fill the food which provides the energy to Man waited in a sealed ark, but the every food that is to be eaten…to keep the earth”—commands which came sev- pray; the money given to charity. These ark had a window. And from the window seed alive on the face of the earth.” eral weeks after the third dove’s mis- are all “brought into the teivah”—made a dove was dispatched to circle the skies, For 40 days and nights the rains fell, sion—could he begin settling and devel- part of a personal universe that is whol- to agitate the heavens with its restless followed by five months in which the oping the world outside the Ark. ly devoted to good and G-dly pursuits. reconnaissance. For the next 4,000 years waters swelled and churned, cleansing Hence the question: For what pur- But our personal arks are not ends in its spread wings and the olive leaf the earth for the promise of a new pose did Noach dispatch the raven and themselves. It is not sufficient to bring clutched in its beak would symbolize beginning contained in the floating the doves? “samples” from the outside into the insu- humanity’s quest for harmony and peace. Ark. Finally, the waters calmed and lated havens of Torah and prayer and No, waiting is not a passive endeavor. began to recede. Contemporary Arks content ourselves with these pockets of On the threshold of redemption, we Noach then opened the window in the Rabbi Israel Baal Shem Tov explains perfection adrift in a strife-torn world. must open windows through which to sealed Ark and sent out a raven “to see if the relevance of the Divine instruction to Our “arks” must also serve as the seeds look upon a harmonious tomorrow, and the waters had subsided from the surface Noach, “Come into the Ark,” to our daily from which a new world, embracing the through which to dispatch winged emis- of the earth.” The raven, which refused lives. The Hebrew word for “ark”— entirety of creation, will grow. Our mis- saries to hasten the Divine response the mission, was followed by three doves: teivah—also means “word.” Come into sion in life is to create a world free of from on high. the first returned immediately, indicating the word, says the Al-mighty to each and greed, jealousy, and hate—a world suf- Sefer Bereishis (perakim 6–8) relates that the Flood’s waters still engulfed the every one of us; enter within the words of fused with the wisdom and goodness of the story of the great deluge which swept earth; the second came back in the prayer and Torah study. Here you will find its Creator; to translate the G-dly perfec- the earth in the dawn of human history. evening, clutching “a plucked olive leaf” a haven of wisdom, meaning, and sancti- tion of our personal teivos into the Outside the ark Noach had built and and the promise of a new life for earth. ty amidst the raging floodwaters of life. Divinely perfect world of Mashiach. populated by Divine command, the The third did not return at all, informing The word that the Torah uses for the Flood raged, the violent culmination of the Ark’s inhabitants that the earth was Flood is mabul, which means disorder Continued on Page 27

24 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 25 Berries And Teeth Some of us will never catch up with dawned on me that it was only younger technology. Personally, I’m always one people who seemed so obsessed by step (sometimes two steps) behind. For them. My peers and I also talk recipes example, initially I even resisted buying from time to time, but the foods we a computer. But eventually I gave in and mention most often are avocados, sun- took the leap, and today I’m a regular dried tomatoes, and feta cheese. I fig- whiz. Well, maybe not a whiz, but at ured that the blackberry craze hadn’t yet least I can use the thing. And when cell- caught on in my age group. Who knew phone use came into vogue I also hesi- the kids were referring to a new tated awhile before getting one, but now meshugas? A BlackBerry is a small piece I wouldn’t think of leaving home with- of technology that does everything but out it. True, I still don’t know how to wash the dinner dishes. This little item, exchange “text messages,” but that’s the which fits into the palm of a human least of my problems. I also have no idea hand, resembles the pocket computer of how to retrieve the phone number of the yesteryear. At one time I thought those last person who called me. And as a were amazing, but they’re child’s play result, I’ve had the temerity to march up compared to what this thing does. to total strangers to ask for help. Then I only discovered the existence of the again, I’ve also asked for help when my BlackBerry when my daughter and I phone suddenly goes to “vibrate” instead were in the car together. I was driving of “ring” or when the ring volume is too and she was unusually silent, so I began low. Come to think of it, about all I do a conversation. “Shhh, Ma, please; I’ll know is how to answer the phone, make be with you in a minute. I’m in the mid- outgoing calls, and pay the monthly bill. dle of an e-mail,” she hissed. An e-mail? Not long ago, I thought a BlackBerry What in the world was she talking was exactly that—a black berry. I won- about? So far as I knew there was no dered why there was suddenly such fas- computer in my car, and I didn’t see her cination with this fruit and why there carrying one when she stepped into the was so much chatter about it. At first I vehicle. As it turned out, she was send- paid little attention to the new preoccu- ing an e-mail to someone via her pation with berries, but eventually it BlackBerry. Who knew?

26 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES Undoubtedly the someone she was dence over face-to-face discourse, which musical ring. The single amusing aspect myself, but, out of compassion for writing to was probably just a phone means that many a companion has been of the cell-phone craze is hearing a everyone else within hearing distance, I call away, but these days talking is out; left standing (or sitting) around mute phone go off and watching everyone in stifled the urge. writing is in—electronic writing, that is. and feeling like an idiot. the area reach for his or her phone. Between cell phones and In some circles, even phone conversa- I’ve lost count of how many times I How often people use their cell BlackBerrys, today’s children won’t tion is becoming a lost art—except, of have drummed my fingertips on a table- phones, and in whose company they develop the art of interactive conversa- course, in crowded areas, because that’s top, while my lunch companion answers choose to use it, is entirely their own tion until they hit nursery school. where some folks choose to make calls her phone. And when I have a passenger business, of course. But when mothers Picture it: The teacher will ask a ques- and engage in loud personal conversa- in my car and her phone rings, I may as are too busy gabbing on cell phones to tion, and an entire group of toddlers will tion to the amusement, annoyance, or well be alone in the car. I sometimes talk to their kids, one has to wonder turn their heads first in one direction interest of everyone within 20 feet. wonder if she even knows who’s driving. how the kids will ever learn to talk. and then in the other, as if to say, “Hey, What gives? Is everybody nuts? But a worse scenario is when I’m the Back in the days when I pushed a baby lady, are you talking to me? No one has Remember the good old days when passenger and it’s the driver who takes a carriage, I talked to my children. If I ran ever actually done that before.” drivers, pedestrians, and shoppers went call, because then I not only feel like an out of things to say I recited nursery Just recently I discovered that the about their business without yakking extra appendage, but I’m also left to rhymes or sang to them. And when I BlackBerry is no longer the new guy on away on a cell phone? Is there anyone worry about her power of concentra- walked with other mothers, we chatted the block. The latest piece of portable who hasn’t had the experience of sud- tion—and my safety. Oddly, when I’m with each other, but we still made it our communication equipment on the mar- denly feeling invisible as a companion the one doing the driving while simulta- business to interact with our offspring ket is something called a Blue tooth. I’m takes a call, becoming oblivious to every- neously talking on my cell phone, the from time to time. Today, for all a kid not sure what it is, but I have a son-in- thing and everyone except the person on safety factor doesn’t occur to me quite knows, a robot may as well be pushing law who’s a dentist, so if anyone needs the other end of the line? Apparently, so readily. his stroller. I happened to be walking in help with discolored choppers, please cell-phone conversation takes prece- I try to be selective. I check to see who the same direction as one young moth- give him a call. Who knows? Maybe is calling, and I take only those calls that er along Central Avenue recently, and I people’s teeth are turning blue from too I deem important. But if I can’t find my noticed that she was on her cell phone many of those dark berries. ❖ INSIGHTS ON THE TORAH glasses to read the caller ID, I automati- the entire time. She never uttered a sin- cally answer. I like to think of it as an act gle word to her toddler: no question, no Hannah Berman lives in Woodmere and is a Continued from Page 24 licensed real-estate broker associated with of kindness, since taking the call effec- light commentary, not even a song. I Marjorie Hausman Realty. She can be reached at The directive, “Come into the Ark,” tively puts an end to the loud, annoying was almost tempted to sing to the kid [email protected] or 516-902-3733. which characterizes our task during the mabul-years of history, is but a prelude to the “Go out from the Ark” era of Mashiach, when the holiness and per- fection of a Torah-defined existence will extend to all of creation.

Awaiting Word As with Noach, we must await the word. It is not for us to decide that the era of Mashiach has begun. It is by G-d’s command that we entered the “ark,” and it is He who will send Mashiach to her- ald the new dawn. This may lead to the belief that we must passively wait for the redemption. Therein lies the lesson of Noach’s winged emissaries: well before he was commanded to “Go out from the Ark,” Noach opened a window to the outside world. As soon as he sensed signs of the Flood’s abatement, he dispatched mes- sengers to “test the waters” and confirm the fact that the world was ready for rebirth. Noach did not content himself with developing the inner world of the teivah while allowing history to take its course, but did everything in his power to establish the world’s readiness, there- by hastening the Divine empowerment to make his ark a universal reality. Today, we find ourselves at the same crossroads that Noach faced 41 cen- turies ago. All around us, we detect signs of a world that is bettering and perfect- ing itself, beating its nuclear swords into the plowshares of aid to the hungry and accepting the principles of freedom, jus- tice, and compassion as universal givens. Amidst this calming and abatement of the mabul’s waters, we cannot, and must not, closet ourselves in our insulated arks, concerning ourselves only with the perfection of our individual lives and communities, waiting for G-d to send Mashiach. We must throw open the win- dows of our “arks” and reach out to a world that is shedding the turmoil of its mabul past. Our continued efforts to establish that the world is indeed ready for redemption will hasten the Divine word from on high, instructing us that the era of universal peace is upon us. ❖

Based on the teachings of the Lubavitcher Rebbe; adapted by Yanki Tauber. Courtesy of MeaningfulLife.com. 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 27 prise you, either. when we grow up and engage in rela- It is not at all a coincidence that tionships with individuals who are of your mother is (based on the way you equal power (spouses or friends), we describe her) also neither sweet nor are then afforded the opportunity to yummy. Apparently you grew up in an right the wrong, create meaningful environment wherein the key female change, and once and for all fix the figure in your life was a difficult flaws. How often do we see women woman. This was all you knew, and marrying men who seem to torment Dear Esther, ing a real pattern: none of them are therefore your mother is the type of them in much the same way that their Sometimes I think I’m really a slow sweet and yummy; they tend to be on woman you became comfortable to be fathers did? It seems so illogical to go learner. Here I am, in my early forties, the tough side, controlling, and, with. Don’t confuse comfortable with from frying pan to the fire; yet, on and it occurs to me that I have mean frankly, probably not the nicest women good. “Comfortable” in this case just some subconscious level, these women friends. Not all of them, but definitely in the neighborhood. I guess I should means that it represents what you believe that they can finally fix in their most of my closest friends are really have noticed this a long time ago, but came to expect from a mother and, husbands that which they were power- not very nice to me. it’s only recently that it has started to therefore, any woman. A tough female less to fix in their fathers. (How suc- It’s not unusual to feel like I’m being become very clear to me. I find myself presence was all that you experienced cessful these women are is another taken advantage of. It seems that I’m shocked at the choices I’ve made, par- and it became your reference base for story; the same goes for men.) the one always chauffeuring everyone ticularly given the fact that my mother all women. You most likely learned So there you have it. You’re comfort- around or doing the favors, running is no day at the beach. You would think how to be a nice, sweet, agreeable, and able with (or at least were comfortable here, running there. I seem to be that I’d had enough of tough women in giving young girl and, eventually, a with) women who take advantage of dumped on a lot to shop for a mutual my life. And she (my mother) still young lady with the same set of traits. you and treat you unfairly. gift, bake for a simcha, drive friends to makes trouble for me; that, of course, These valuable traits helped you get Furthermore, you may also be driven the airport (where are their hus- is a topic for another time, but she through the day with your mother and to connect with these women in the bands?), and so on. I’ve had stuff bor- hasn’t softened up on me and creates allowed you to feel as safe as possible. hope that you will finally figure out a rowed and either not returned or plenty of problems in my life. In fact, had you encountered at a way to rectify their flaws. It sounds like returned damaged without an explana- So what do I do about my mean young age someone sweet and tender, you picked the perfect friends to fulfill tion or offer to replace the item. friends? Can I change them? Should I you may not even have known what to these needs of yours. But good for you: Even worse, I notice that some drop them? Why do I attract them? Is make of such a woman and how to you’re now at a place in your life where friends will call me when they are hav- there something wrong with me for respond to her. The survival tools you you’re able to take stock, recognize the ing a crisis and decide they need to attracting them? Any suggestions developed were meant to be effective pattern, and realize that it is no longer talk to me for hours, but somehow I would be appreciated. in a very specific way with a very spe- comfortable for you; it’s no longer don’t feel that they are available if I Controlled cific mother—your mother. working for you. That’s wonderful need someone to talk to. These rela- Another interesting psychological news, and it’s called growth. tionships are uneven, and are definite- Dear Controlled, dynamic is that we often choose peo- So what’s your next step? Basically, ly not about me or my needs. It sounds as though you’ve really ple to connect with who share trou- you need to set limits with your friends But worst of all is when I feel like I made your bed and now you’re not too bling flaws with one or both of our par- and not be afraid to tell them when am being treated in a rude fashion, thrilled about lying in it. And who can ents, in order to “correct” the flaw. they are overstepping their boundaries. being spoken to disrespectfully or blame you? It does not surprise me, Most children feel quite powerless When it comes to shopping, schlep- without sensitivity. however, that you’ve chosen the over their parents’ imperfections, and ping, or driving, be sure to take turns. So, lately, I’ve been looking a lot friends that you have—and once I they learn to deal with and compen- If someone insults you, let her know more closely at my friends and notic- explain further, it probably won’t sur- sate for their problems. However, immediately that it’s not OK to speak

28 October 27, 2006 5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES to you that way, and demand an apolo- gy. If you find that a friend can only talk about issues that concern her and has no patience to listen to you talk about the ones that concern you, it may be time to cross that name off your list. In general, it’s time to start teaching your friends how to treat you. And if they are not eager students, look around. The world if full of women who I’m sure would be thrilled to con- nect with a kind person like yourself. And while you’re in a teaching mode, you may want to think about setting up some practical boundaries with your mother, as well; maybe it’s not too late to turn that relationship around. What I am suggesting is no doubt easier said than done. I don’t suspect that you will be able to create these changes without a great deal of strug- gle and resistance on your part. So take it slow, one step at a time. Baby steps are good. The important thing is that you understand the factors that went into the choices you’ve made and that you realize it doesn’t always have to be this way. There are far too many things in life that we have no control over, but this area should not be one of them. Good luck. Esther

Esther Mann, LMSW, has a private practice in Lawrence. She can be reached at 516-314-2295 or [email protected]. Esther works with individuals and couples.

Photo Prose Continued from Page 22 today are the little things they might understand that others fail to or do not care to consider. Light is everything. When a party planner says, “You can- not put a light here,” and it is that essential third light—the one that must be there to work with the other lights so carefully placed, to light the crowd as viewed from the photographer’s ideal shooting angle—then it is too late to discuss alternatives. With all the effort and attention to detail in designing the event, I would hope that attention to the details affecting your photograph- er’s results would also be considered. Because everyone “takes pictures,” they think they know the photograph- er’s job. But there is a huge range of photographic skills and disciplines found among today’s photographers. The very best of them have an under- standing that goes far beyond the basics known by an amateur. By paying attention to the environment that the best photographers need in order to do their work, those clients who want the best in all facets of their event will be able to get just that. Next time: I will choose one impor- tant part of a wedding and discuss options and angles. ❖ Gary Rabenko may be reached at [email protected]. Questions regarding photographic philosophies are welcome. Rabenko Photography and Video Artists is located at 1001 Broadway in Woodmere.

WHAT’S YOUR OPINION? E-MAIL US AT [email protected]

5 TOWNS JEWISH TIMES October 27, 2006 29 The newspapers have been full of all the questions always were, What age kinds of “school transportation Shomer Shabbos kids do you have on this issues”—transportation to school, from block? Girls or boys? Today’s questions school, one mile, five miles, fifteen are a little more thorough (almost like miles… It suddenly struck me that shidduch questionnaire lists). although everyone seems to be talking Now, with the many yeshiva choic- about all these transportation issues, I es, the new questions when showing a have not heard anything about how peo- house usually are, How many Shomer ple are buying homes in areas according Shabbos kids are on this block? Boys or to school needs, as well a