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1 The Newspaper of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society Volume 34 Issue 10 | Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Mandatory Small Talk: Debt Load Survey Results Being Better Donors Atomic Clocks

Page 7 Page 8 Page 9 facebook.com/TheIronWarrior twitter.com/TheIronWarrior iwarrior.uwaterloo.ca ION Vehicle Purchase Next Step in GRT’s Light Rail Plans

Zac Young The FLEXITY Freedom is also being used by Toronto’s new LRT system.

Jacob Terry of the vehicle, as well as one of their rede- starting next year, with vehicle delivery loo than previously planned. Starting from 3A Nanotechnology signed GRT buses, at an open event on the starting Summer 2016 until December of Conestoga Mall, the following stops are following Saturday. the same year. Northfield Drive, Research and Technol- The Region of Waterloo voted on July Like the Toronto streetcar replacements, Construction on the ION rail bed will be ogy Park, University of Waterloo, Seagram 11 to approve the purchase of 14 Bombar- which are Bombardier Flexity Outlook started next year, and the first stage is expect- Drive, Uptown Waterloo and King / Allen, dier Flexity Freedom light rail vehicles models, the Freedom makes use of overhead ed to be completed by 2017. The first stage before continuing down the currently ex- for use in ION, their rapid transit network wires. The Freedom has 100% low-floor will begin at Conestoga Mall in Waterloo isting iXpress route for the majority of the that has been in planning stages for a few seating, so all parts of the vehicle should and end at Fairview Park Mall in Kitchener, remaining route. From Northfield Drive to years. Anyone following the light rail transit be accessible to people who have mobility while the second stage will start at Fairview Uptown Waterloo, the ION will use the rail (LRT) developments in Toronto would rec- concerns. The car consists of five modules, Park Mall and end at Ainslie Terminal in line currently used by the quaint railway and ognize the vehicles, as they are also being overall containing 56 fixed seats, with a ca- Cambridge. As the first stage of ION opera- industrial trains that goes past Engineering used for the Eglinton Crosstown LRT and pacity of 200 people. ION is supposed to tions, the second stage will use an adapted 5. A noticeable change in Kitchener will be the other LRT routes in Toronto that are be- come every seven and a half minutes dur- bus rapid transit (aBRT) network until its the addition of the Transit Hub at the cor- ing planned with Metrolinx, the government ing rush hour. The Freedom is also able to rail line is built, likely using the current 200 ner of King and Victoria, which is currently agency tasked with coordinating transit pro- combine cars together to form up to four-car iXpress service that covers the route. served by the Victoria stop on the iXpress. jects in the Greater Toronto and Hamilton trains, which would have a capacity of 400 The stations on the ION have changed Area. The Region chose to display a model people per train. The vehicles will be built since last year, adding more stops in Water- Continued at IXPRESS on Page 11 Student Deals Program Feds General Meeting Ends Announced by EngSoc With Controversial Motion

jacob terry Society in the last fall term. In winter, a call lucas hudson journed the meeting only to have it resume 3a nanotechnology went out for volunteers to work on special 3a mechatronics July 16. The only thing left on the agenda initiatives for the Engineering Society, one was an amendment to the current bylaws, The Waterloo Engineering Society has of which was for the discount deals project. The Feds General Meeting last Tuesday changing the composition of the Feds unveiled a new student deals program Since then, engineering students Aryn Cain was, some might say, rather “unique.” Be- Board of Directors from “...four (4) Ex- where Engineering Society members will and Tiffany Mah have been working with sides the fact that it was really two general ecutive, five (5) Directors elected from the receive discounts and other specials from businesses to set the project in motion. meetings rolled into one, there were many full members of the Students’ Council” to locations in Waterloo. To receive these The primary focus so far has been tar- polarizing motions brought forward that “..four (4) Executive, two (2) Councillors, discounts, students must visit the Engi- geting businesses in the University Shops seemed to literally split the room in two. and five (5) other full members of the Cor- neering Society Office in CPH 1327 with Plaza and Campus Court, however, in the The controversial nature of some of the poration.” This amendment was amended their WatCard, where a staff member will upcoming terms they hope to reach out to motions prompted me to seek the opinions by both David Collins and Jesse McGinnis, verify that they are fee-paying members of more businesses in the areas around the uni- of both the Feds executives as well as the with both amendments slightly changing the the Engineering Society and provide them versity. The University Commons plaza at Engineering Society executives. I request- composition of the Board of Directors, and with a sticker that proves their member- University and King and places in Uptown ed an interview with the President of Feds both amendments being struck down by the ship. Students who haven't paid fees will Waterloo are likely to be upcoming places David Collins, but unfortunately he was not general meeting’s attendees. Natasha sup- not be eligible, and if a student visits the for future partnerships. available for an interview. I was able to talk ported the idea of adding at-large students to office to return their fees, the sticker will be This deal sounds great for engineering with Natasha Pozega, Feds VP Operations the Board of Directors, stating that “having removed from their card if they previously students, but businesses also get an advan- and Finance; David Birnbaum, President of more opinions at the table, it’s better student received one. tage from participating in the program. The the Engineering Society and Feds Board of representation.” David Birnbaum also sup- The idea was first discussed by then direct benefit received is the form of adver- Directors voting member; and Kevin Mc- ported adding elected students to the board newly-elected Vice-President Operations tisement through the Engineering Society Namara, VP Finance of the Engineering and believes the Board is “too skewed to- Angela Stewart and Vice-President Finance website, periodic advertisement through Society. wards the [Feds] executives having a lot of David Birnbaum in the summer of 2011, but other media, and discounted rates in The The first of two general meetings was power...[and is] always in favour of more spent some time in stasis before being intro- Iron Warrior. a continuation of the regularly scheduled students being on the board.” duced again as one of Birnbaum's election March General Meeting. A successful mo- platform points for his presidency of the Continued at DISCOUNTS on Page 4 tion in the March General Meeting ad- Continued at FEDS on Page 5 The Iron Warrior 2 Editorial wednesday, july 24, 2013 Letter From the Editor

Thank You and Don’t Forget to be Awesome The Newspaper of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society The EngSoc staff were AMAZING at get- Good luck Alex Lee, the Fall, 2013 Edi- ting articles in on time this term, something tor-in-Chief. I think you will do a great job Editor-in-Chief Lucas Hudson Lucas Hudson Editor-in-chief that not every EIC can say. Leila was espe- running the newspaper. If you ever get lost, cially great at getting her articles in on time, don’t forget you have a very experienced getting them in days in advance. team around you, willing to help you when- Assistant Editors To complete the long list of thank yous I ever you need it. Spenser Good The GOOD NEWS I bring to you today want to thank anyone who has stopped by I will truly miss seeing everyone at our Jacob Terry is brought to you with a bit of a heavy heart. the office during a production weekend. It weekly meetings. It has been my pleasure This is the fifth and final issue of the Spring can sometimes get lonely in the window- to get to know everyone involved in The Layout Editors Term and my last issue as Editor-in-Chief. I less E2 2347 room and any company was Iron Warrior. I can say without hesitation, Krishna Iyer want to start off by thanking everyone who always welcome. This weekend especially that you are all amazing people and I wish help put together the newspaper each issue. was wonderful on Saturday when the office I could get to know all of you better. Be- Copy Editors I know I have said this multiple times be- was full of awesome people, working on ing Editor-in-Chief has also given me the Dylan Dowling fore, but the newspaper is nothing without the newspaper, having fun, and laughing. I unique opportunity to meet more people Kate Heymans the help of all the dedicated writers, copy could not ask for a better group of people in Engineering this term than I have in my Nancy Hui editors, layout editors, and photographers. to work on a newspaper with. A big thanks previous two terms at school. I have been Joshua Kalpin I want to specifically thank Nancy Hui, to Catherine Heymans and Ioana Craiciu more involved in the Engineering Society Leah Kristufek Farzi Yusufali, Leah Kristufek, Jacob Terry for dropping by the office most production than ever before and I got to see all the pas- Caitlin McLaren and Spenser Good for their incredible effort weekends, dragging me out of the office sionate people that help run our Society and Andrew McMahon in copy editing. I relied on them, along with and keeping me sane. host all our great events. From things like Nachiket Sherlekar the help of others, for finding all the spell- I lied, there is one more group of people I EngSoc at THEMUSEUM to the Toronto Farzi Yusufali ing and grammatical errors. You can go yell want to thank. YOU! The readers! What is a Pride Parade, Enginuity, Purplepalooza, and at them if you find any mistakes in the is- newspaper without people who read it. It is EngPlay, its easy to find people with a wide Photo Editor sues this term. because of you I had this great opportunity range of interests and passions. I am sad Vacant I want to extend a huge thank you to and I hope you continue to read for years to that many of the people I have come closer Krishna Iyer for helping out with layout ed- come. I think The Iron Warrior is one of the to will be heading off to co-op soon and I Advertising Manager iting this term. He has spent countless hours best engineering newspapers in Canada and will likely not talk to them until the Winter Spenser Good in The Iron Warrior Office placing the arti- it's because of your support that we’ve de- term, that is if you aren’t going on an ex- Andrew McMahon cles in the newspaper. Several newspapers veloped into what we are today. Thank you! change or have a crazy eight month co-op. would have been late without his help. I I will also take this time to announce the It also saddens me that a lot of people I have Circulation Managers would also like to thank Jacob Terry, Farzi winner of the Iron Pen Award and the Edi- met will also be graduating in 2014. I just Leah Kristufek Yusufali and Spenser Good for helping with tor’s Award. The Iron Pen Award winner is had the chance to get to know all of you and layout as well. The fifth issue especially Nancy Hui with 13 562 words! Nancy blew you’re already leaving. I wish I would have Web Editors would not have come together without all away the competition, she probably could become involved a lot earlier in my Water- Nachiket Sherlekar of their help. have stopped writing after the third issue loo career. I want to say it was a pleasure Anjida Sripongworakul To all writers who put all the effort into and still won the Iron Pen Award. Congratu- meeting all of you and I hope I continue to writing intelligent, thought provoking arti- lations Nancy! Without your massive word meet more awesome people within Engi- Staff Writers cles; I thank you for being diligent in your count it would have been much harder to fill neering and in other faculties as well! Edward Blake research. To those who wrote articles that the newspaper. I hope everyone has learn As I have EngPlay on the mind, I want Meagan Cardno work towards making us laugh, thanks for much about vaccines this term, since I think to congratulate the directors, actors, and Ioana Craiciu lifting our spirits and reminding us that a half of Nancy’s articles has something to do crew on a fantastic production. The quality Spenser Good newspaper doesn’t always have to be full with that topic. of production put together in such a short Anjali Gopal of dreary stories. Thanks to Stuart Linley as I would also like to announce Krishna time is amazing. The musical was both Eric Evenchick well for providing such great crosswords! It Iyer as the recipient of the Editor’s Award. funny and a great commentary on modern Nancy Hui is the diverse content that makes The Iron Like I said before, Krishna was a huge help relationships. I was particularly moved by Krishna Iyer Warrior so great. when it came to layout. While I might not last three acts of the play. My favourite line Joshua Kalpin Another group of people that make always agree with his layout style, Krishna from the play comes from the second last Leah Kristufek the newspaper great are those who comb is always there if you need to laugh or smile. act; “[you have] That look of someone who Michael Laanvere through the draft PDFs for last minute He has spent more time than I could ask one has lost the person they’ve spent their life James MacLean spelling and grammatical errors along with person to stare at this newspaper. You have with.” A lovely yet depressing sentiment Caitlin McLaren layout inconsistencies. I would like to thank been a great help this term Krishna, I would showing how another person’s life can have Andrew McMahon Jacob Terry and Catherine Heymans for have not been able to make it through with- such an influential effect on someone else's Graeme Scott looking over each issue, reminding me to out you! that it permanently changes them, etching Nachiket Sherlekar italicize The Iron Warrior and pointing out I have absolutely LOVED being the themselves into your soul. Anjali and David Anjida Sripongworakul that I haven’t changed the preview pictures Editor-in-Chief of the The Iron Warrior. I did a wonderful job with that scene. Jacob Terry on the front page yet. The quality of the would do this all over again at the drop of So here we are, the last newspaper is Derek Thompson newspaper significantly increases after you a hat. Unfortunately, that is not possible as laid out, all the articles are copy edited and Wade Wilson look at it and I am very thankful for your I must pass on the torch and give someone beautiful. My last editorial where I can Farzi Yusufali hard work. else the opportunity to take charge of the ramble on about nothing and have the guar- Other large contributors to the newspa- best Engineering newspaper in the coun- antee that it makes it into the newspaper. Contributors per were Mary Bland and EngSoc Execu- try. Everyone please congratulate Spenser No longer can I rant about whiny Engineer- Cody Bechberger tives; David Birnbaum, Kevin McNamara, Good on becoming the Winter 2014 Editor- ing students or talk about random people on David Birnbaum Drew Dutton, Leila Meema-Coleman, in Chief. Spenser has been with the newspa- the internet without knowing what point I Dylan Dowling Brendan O’Hanlon and Annamaria Reda. per since his 1A term and has written many am trying to make. I am sorry if I missed Drew Dutton Mary Bland made sure all our finances were great articles for the newspaper. He has someone in my series of thank you. Just Kevin McNamara kept track of, archived each issue, and also shown great dedication to the newspaper because you were not mentioned explic- Leila Meema-Coleman mailed out the issue to who-knows-where. and I believe he will continue to improve itly here doesn’t mean I am not grateful of Brendan O’Hanlon Without her this newspaper would not exist. the newspaper and continue The Iron War- everything you’ve done. Thank you and, as Annamaria Reda Thank you for all your help and guidance. rior’s great reputation. always, don’t forget to be awesome! Dodge Yu

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We are the official newspaper of the University of Waterloo Engineering Society representing the entire undergraduate engineering student body of over 6000 students. The Iron Warrior is a forum for thought-provoking and informative articles published by the Engineering Society. Views expressed in The Our newspaper is distributed all across campus and is the perfect medium to Iron Warrior are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Engineering Society. advertise your event, employer information session, service, etc. The Iron Warrior encourages submissions from students, faculty and members of the university community. Submissions should reflect the concerns and intellectual standards of the university in general. The au- For more information, please visit iwarrior.uwaterloo.ca/advertising or contact thor's name and phone number should be included. All submissions, unless otherwise stated, become the property of The us at [email protected], 519-888-4567, Ext. 32693 Iron Warrior, which reserves the right to refuse publication of material which it deems unsuitable. The Iron Warrior also reserves the right to edit grammar, spelling and text that do not meet university standards. Authors will be notified of any major changes that may be required. Frosh Issue Deadline: Tuesday, August 20 at 6:00 p.m. for publication on Tuesday, August 27, 2013 Mail should be addressed to The Iron Warrior, Engineering Society, Send your submissions to [email protected] E2 2349A, University of Waterloo, Waterloo, Ontario, N2L 3G1. Our phone number is (519) 888-4567 x32693. E-mail can be sent to iwarrior@. uwaterloo.ca The Iron Warrior Wednesday, july 24, 2013 News 3 Derelict Detroit’s Final Breath A Profile on America’s Sad Sack City

67 000 have been rendered completely val- budget cuts. 500 fire fighters have been laid is just $9,000, and there are still many ar- ueless by pillagers collecting scrap metal, off over the past five years and fire chiefs eas in Detroit where you can buy a house Spenser Good 3A Mechanical wiring, and useful plumbing from the endlessly complain of equipment being for less than $100. Two out of every five house. These empty shells of houses stand held together with "duct tape and bubbleg- streetlights are broken, out of a total of 95 as invitations for squatters, drug dealers, um." Eight now vacated fire stations are 000, the city has over a third more retired and, as covered later in this article, arson- being sold to private investors in an effort workers then it does workers paying into On July 19, 2013, the City of Detroit ists. Each of these buildings costs an aver- to raise money for the beleaguered city. Of the system, and, perhaps most startlingly petitioned to declare bankruptcy. Here is a age of $8000 to demolish, leaving the cash- course, the results from the ravaging of the of all, 28% of Detroit's population has left look at the now-dilapidated Motor City. less city little choice but to let these homes city's fire department has been further an- since the turn of the new millennium. This "Enter Detroit at your own risk." This remain a haven for some of America's archy. Detroit has been relabeled by many list could easily be much longer. was the official message behind a protest darkest behavior. Of course, this behavior as "the City of Fire." In 2012, Detroit suf- There is no doubt that Detroit is dead. by Detroit police officers made last Oc- is conducted by a population that was never fered from an astounding 5000 cases of ar- The only question remaining for many is tober outside of a Detroit Tigers Major given much chance in life and are disad- son: 14 per day. With such a poorly staffed how did this city possibly retain a line of League Baseball game. Although virtually vantaged, to say the least. fire and police service, only one in five of credit for so long before petitioning to de- everyone knew that many parts of Detroit To illustrate this fact a shocking report these cases are ever even investigated, and clare bankruptcy? Regardless, Detroit will are subject to anarchy already, this of- released by the National Institute for Lit- it is doubtful that many of these cases are never be the economic powerhouse it was ficial admission by the force responsible eracy in May 2011 revealed that 47% of actually solved. Last year, the city suffered in the post-WWII years. The road for re- for keeping the city safe came as a stark all Detroit residents are "functionally il- $200 million in property damage due to ar- viving Detroit will be a long one and it will message even to those most familiar with literate." To add some comparison and to son. The incredibly high arson rates have take honest political leadership, economic the city. In 2012 alone, Detroit experienced further illuminate the blight of Detroit, this led to insurance quotes in Detroit that are innovation, investment from longtime cor- 411 homicides; in a city the size of Toronto, literacy rate is just 1% higher than that of three times higher than for homes located porate partners (i.e. General Motors, Ford, this would translate to over 2000 homicides Haiti and is significantly lower than that of in less crime-ridden suburban areas. This etc.), and a focus on stemming the current per year. This, accompanied by a homicide impoverished nations Mozambique, Ivory does little to help Detroit's atrocious hous- banes of the city: drugs, corruption, violent clearance rate hovering around 12% means Coast, and Bangladesh. These horrendous ing market. crime, poor public education, and poverty. that you can get away with murder in De- numbers can be largely attributed to abys- In an effort to limit the length of this ar- Detroit remains a symbol for the industrial- troit (actually, you can get away with pretty mal public schools. In 2009, Detroit Public ticle, I have simply listed some other star- ized world of the dangers of letting a city much anything considering an overall case School students recorded the lowest scores tling facts about the Motor City to further fall to devastating market trends. There is clearance rate of 8.7%). The city also ex- on the national math proficiency test ever underline the extent of Detroit's blight: cur- little doubt that residents of the city hope periences the second highest violent crime recorded nationwide over the test's 21 year rently, the unemployment rate of Detroit that the declaration of bankruptcy will rate in the entire United States, second only history. They also tied Washington, D.C. is more than 18% (however most officials mark the end of Detroit's fall, and that re- to Flint, Michigan, which is a satellite city for last place nationwide in reading skills believe it is actually closer to 50% if in- vitalization can now begin to take place. of Detroit devastated by the same econom- measured in the eighth grade. In 2011, the cluding part-time workers and those who For now, however, Detroit remains an em- ic factors which have killed the Motor City. school system patted themselves on the have given up looking for jobs), 60% of barrassment for America: a drug infested, It's hardly surprising that Detroit suffers back for attaining a high school gradua- children in Detroit live below the poverty crime ridden, apocalyptic hellhole that has from a high crime rate, considering that on tion rate of 62%, the highest recorded in line, the median price of a home in Detroit been ignored for far too long. average it takes a police officer 58 minutes four years. Of course, further investigation to respond to an emergency, compared to a revealed that the term "graduation" is rel- national average of 11 minutes in the Unit- evant. Despite slightly less than horrible ed States and 8 minutes in Waterloo Re- graduation rates, only 1.8% of graduating gion. There is little deterrent to committing students from Detroit public schools were a crime in a city where you are probably deemed ready for college-level work. With not going to get caught in the act, and it is such poor education, it is little wonder that just as unlikely that you will be caught after the overwhelming majority of students committing the crime. However, crime is who get screwed over by the public school only one of Detroit's many threats. system turn to drugs, crime, and the other At one point, Detroit was home to scourges that have killed Detroit. It is even 2 000 000 people. Now the city provides less surprising that those students, who ac- residence to under 700 000, a startling exo- tually survive the school system and man- dus of close to 75% of its original popu- age to move on to a career, immediately lation. Unfortunately for the city, these leave Detroit, where jobs, opportunities, people left behind the homes they lived and public services are virtually non-exist- in, the schools they attended, the factories ent. they worked in, and all the other build- To understand the dismal state of De- ings that it takes to run a city. Accord- troit's public services, we need only to look ing to reports, approximately one third of at one of the most important services any all of Detroit (which covers 363 square city can provide to its citizens: firefight- CBC kilometers) is vacant or derelict. Of the ing. In recent years, one third of the Detroit A vacant home, covered in spray paint, in an 90 000 abandoned homes in Detroit, Fire Department has been shut down due to eastern neighbourhood in Detroit Loblaws Acquires Shoppers Drug Mart

which include: Extra Foods, NoFrills, Real name of their stores. Consumers will now obvious strength of providing a one stop Andrew Canadian Superstore, T&T Supermarket, have the ability to find President's Choice shopping experience but gives the two com- mcmahon Wholesale Club, Zehrs, Independent, Valu- Products at Shoppers Drug Mart and Life panies involved in the deal the opportunity 3A Environmental Mart, Fortinos, Provigo, Maxi, SaveEasy, brand products at Loblaws. to complement each other and build on their and Atlantic Superstore. Loblaws is not The takeover will also not result in any successes. Loblaws continues to diversify the only supermarket chain making moves store closures or layoffs of Shoppers Drug their company with the additions of bank- On July 15, it was announced that Lo- in an attempt to compete with megastores Mart employees, as was stated last Mon- ing (President's Choice Financial), clothing blaws, the largest grocery retailer in the such as Wal-Mart and Target, the latter of day at a press conference. Grocers all over (Joe Fresh), discount grocery stores (NoF- country, would acquire Shoppers Drug which just opened its doors in Canada in the country are catching on to the fact that rills), and now pharmaceuticals. Let’s not Mart, the country’s biggest pharmacy March of this year. Sobeys reached a deal at this point it is foolish to try to follow a forget that Maple Leaf Gardens became chain. The deal between the two retail gi- with Safeway to buy more than 200 of its Wal-Mart retail model and instead are pro- the chain’s most breathtaking superstore ants will cost the Toronto based company stores in Western Canada last month for moting a health and wellness model. For in November of 2011 when they finished an estimated $12.4 billion. To give a frame $5.8 billion. example, Metro has expressed interest in a converting the historic hockey landmark of reference for the financial magnitude Shoppers Drug Mart stores will not similar grocery-pharmaceutical partnership into an urban shopping experience unlike of this deal, last summer the Canadian oil change their name; instead they will be op- with Jean Coutu. any that Toronto shoppers had seen before. and gas company Nexen was acquired by erating as a separate company while adding Part of the attraction for Loblaws in this With this landmark opening the company CNOOC Ltd. based in Beijing for $15.1 selected Loblaws products to its shelves. In deal was an opportunity to penetrate seem- made it clear to Canada that they were will- billion. This Loblaws deal is worth almost recent years, Shoppers Drug Mart has been ingly saturated urban markets in which a ing to step outside the box in order to pro- as much as that one, but unlike oil and gas decreasing its reliance of sales of pharma- number of Shoppers Drug Mart locations vide a new shopping experience. companies which carry outrageous price ceuticals and focusing more on common exist. In these locations, constructing an The deal still needs the approval of a tags, here we are dealing with two Cana- items such as food and cosmetics. In 2012, enormous supermarket isn’t practical and minimum of two-thirds of the votes cast by dian companies whose main interests are the store reported that 51% of its sales came instead, they hope to take advantage of the Shoppers Drug Mart shareholders at a spe- groceries and pharmaceuticals. from non-pharmaceutical items. The deal ability to have their products on display to cial meeting expected to take place in Sep- The deal will add 1242 Shoppers Drug with Loblaws should give the chain an op- urban residents who use Shoppers Drug tember. The requirement of this approval Mart and Pharmaprix locations to the 22 portunity to continue to diversify the prod- Mart as their convenience store. This small is a product of the number of shares being banners the company already operates, ucts that they offer while maintaining the store strategy differs from the company’s issued as a result of the deal. The Iron Warrior 4 Miscellaneous wednesday, july 24, 2013 Train Derailment and Boeing Crash Under Investigation

in the morning that the train began to roll Quebec coroner's office, admits that due to tures built into the planes design worked towards Lac-Mégantic. It is common prac- the intensity of the explosion some of the as desired. For example, the landing gear Leah Kristufek 2B chemical tice in this situation to apply hand brakes bodies may never be found. Many of the snapped off on impact, a design intended on individual cars. The train engineer dead were likely celebrating the beginning to decrease chances of puncturing the fuel claims to have set 11 hand brakes to hold of the weekend at Musi-Café, a local pub tanks on the wings possibly saving lives. the train before leaving, a statement which which hosted live music. On the day of Of the three deaths from the Asiana Air- Disasters happen suddenly, seemingly his company is now publicly disputing. Al- the derailment there was a birthday party lines flight, all might have been prevent- without warning. In a disaster, order gives though the black box has been recovered, in progress. Some of the attendees were able even after the crash landing. With way to chaos. On July 6 two disasters oc- the extent of damage caused by the intense parents whose children were away from flames breaking out both inside the cabin curred practically in our own back yard and flames after the train's derailment means the disaster site with babysitters or grand- and outside the plane first responders' first in retrospect they may have been avoida- it will be some time before facts replace parents. priority was to stop the flames and create ble. In the day’s early hours a train carrying speculation. In addition to the horrific loss of life, this a safe path for survivors. For several vic- 72 oil tanker cars rolled unmanned down One potential solution being proposed disaster will likely pique already heated tims who landed on the tarmac after the tail 11 km of track derailing in the idyllic Que- by Edward Burkhardt, president and CEO political debates around the oil sands. The was ripped off, this meant they were also bec town of Lac-Mégantic. The ensuing of Rail World Inc., the American parent majority of the tank cars held crude oil. sprayed with the white fire retardant foam fireball is believed to have killed 50, many company of Montreal, Maine & Atlantic Currently, transportation by train is con- rendering them less visible. A 16 year old of whom were still enjoying their Friday Railway (MMA), is to stop the practice of sidered preferable to pipelines for crude oil girl was killed by a fire truck. Her friend, night celebrations at a popular local bar. leaving trains unmanned. This means they transportation from places like the Alberta who is also thought to have been near the Later that day three teens died after a Boe- will require someone to be on the train oil sands. tail, was not found or assessed by emergen- ing 777 flying from Seoul, South Korea at all times, including when it is waiting Now let us look at the second disaster cy workers until at least 20 minutes after crash landed at San Francisco International overnight for a new crew. Burkhardt also that occurred on July 6, the crash of Flight the crash. Airport. In both cases, routine transporta- defended the company practice of running 214 from South Korea to San Francisco. As with the train disaster in Quebec there tion went suddenly and catastrophically most trains with only a single person crew. The plane crashed into the sea wall while are high hopes that safety in commercial wrong. Tighter regulations will undoubtedly re- landing after 10 hours and 23 minutes in aviation will be improved by the knowl- It is events like these which remind us sult from this disaster, as well as a more the air without incident. Shortly after com- edge gained from this disaster. Although why we get our Iron Rings. Like many somber look at the state of railway trans- ing to a rest on the tarmac, a visible fireball the definitive facts of the crash will not be professionals we have a responsibility to portation in this country. Of particular destroyed the top of the aircraft. Prelimi- known until a report is released in a pro- the people who are affected by our work. interest is the fact that, according to The nary analysis seems to suggest that airspeed jected 12 to 18 months, there is speculation The question being asked now is the natu- Globe and Mail, in June of this year a tank- was to blame for the crash landing. An arti- it will look at increasing pilot complacency ral one; if we were to travel back in time, er wagon spilled 13 000 liters of diesel near cle on the website of tech magazine Wired from overly automated cockpits as well could these disasters have been prevented? Lac-Mégantic. Was the rail track itself im- notes that the plane was approximately 35 as effective emergency response on the Is there potential for new rules that could properly designed? Should there even have miles per hour below the targeted land- ground. keep this type of disaster from ever hap- been a railway track so close to the historic ing speed of 157 miles per hour. The fact Although fiery, devastating and terri- pening again? downtown of this small town? Should reg- that the pilots did not notice this substan- fying when something goes wrong, both Blame for the runaway train is now be- ulations for train track proximity to urban tial descent below the targeted airspeed is trains and planes continue to have better ing directed towards the engineer who was populations be reconsidered? highly unusual given that all the important safety records than the average highway. in charge. In the late evening of July 5, he The human side of this disaster is es- systems for flying the plane seemed to be Because of high levels of regulation, insist- parked the train in Nantes, the town neigh- pecially horrific. Even several days after completely operational. The plane crash ence on impeccably good design, rigorous bouring Lac-Mégantic. A fire at 12:15 a.m., the derailment and subsequent explosions may be the product of pilot error after a testing and frequent maintenance these approximately 40 minutes after the train's the site was too hot for proper investiga- long exhausting flight. Wired points to the industries continue to be relatively safe. engineer had gone to a local hotel to sleep, tion. As time passed the list of missing was fact that the pilot flying the plane at the However, we must be cognizant in our de- may have caused the power systems on the whittled down to 50 presumed dead. In this time was just finishing his transition train- signs of the worst case scenarios and how train to be turned off. This would also stop town of only 6000 people that number is ing to a Boeing 777 from an Airbus A320. they can be prevented from happening. In the compressors which are responsible for felt throughout. Remains being removed The two airplanes have different set ups for both these cases there were critical errors maintaining the required pressure in the air from the site are unrecognizable and po- manual flight, which would be in use when made where identification and fixing of the brakes. A gradual pressure decrease from lice were forced to ask family members for landing and may have caused confusion. problem was possible before loss of life the 125-140 psi of an engaged air brake to combs and other personal items that might After the disaster, Deborah Hersman, occurred. Noticing the problem before it around 70-90 psi at which the brakes re- allow DNA identification of the deceased. Chairman of the National Transportation leads to disaster, is what being a good engi- lease may explain why it wasn't until 1:30 Genevieve Guilbault, spokesperson for the Safety Board remarked that safety fea- neer is all about. Toronto Underwater After Heavy Rainfall

flooding in Alberta. The flooding in Alberta purchase authority to manage the city's However, this program was dissolved in was particularly extensive because it was floodplains and rivers. Hurricane Hazel, 1990, and since then flood-risk management nancy hui 3N civil caused by a combination of rain and spring having exceeded the 100 year storm design has been neglected at the federal level. One meltwater from the mountains. This com- conditions, also became the design standard wonders if it is time to revise the old flood- bination caused the rivers that ran through for floodplain systems in Southern Ontario. plain data. Houses that were built above the affected communities to rip away flood Both Hurricane Hazel and the June flood the flood line and previously safe may now Less than two weeks after floods swept walls and erode banks. In Toronto, the were particularly devastating since the soil be endangered by upstream development, through southern Alberta, Toronto was also flooding was caused only by precipitation in Toronto had already been saturated by which would have paved over green lands deluged. On July 8 an astounding 126 mm and the later overfilling of storm sewers. rain on previous days. However, the flood- and decreased surface permeability. Fur- of rain fell on the city within two hours Prior to July 8, 2013 the last major com- ing in 2013 was less devastating; there were thermore, recent weather patterns should be during the evening commute. 300 000 resi- parable rainfall in Toronto was during Hur- no drowning-related deaths or widespread taken into account: although precipitation dents lost power, and there was flooding on ricane Hazel in 1954. In this case 200 mm evacuations, whereas Hazel left 81 dead may not be increasing, it is becoming more several downtown streets that submerged of rain fell, of which 121 mm fell over the and 4000 families homeless. Less than 24 frequent, which could affect erosion and in- cars and basements. A large portion of the course of 24 hours. During that flood, the hours after the storm, the subways were in frastructure deterioration. Yonge-University-Spadina subway line was Humber River overflowed and the neigh- operation again, and most of the city was Side note: Rob Ford was chilling with his also flooded and put out of commission. bourhoods of Long Branch and Raymore back to business, apart from some isolated kids in his air-conditioned SUV when the The most spectacular incident was likely Drive in Etobicoke were destroyed and con- power outages. power went out. In contrast, the Calgary when the flooding trapped a GO train on the sequently converted into parks. Interestingly, the Flood Damage Re- mayor, Naheed Nenshi, worked non-stop track and the subsequent rescue of its pas- Hurricane Hazel prompted the creation duction Program was established in 1975, for 43 hours during the flood, appearing sengers in small inflatable boats. of the Toronto and Region Conservation which allowed federal and provincial gov- to never sleep and inspiring the hashtag However, there were no mass evacuations Authority to implement floodplain regula- ernments to share the costs of creating flood #nap4nenshi, and Doug Ford (Rob Ford’s or homelessness, as occurred due to the tions and the organization was also given risk assessment and floodplain mapping. brother) was directing traffic in Etobicoke. Discounts Now Available at Kickoff, Molly Bloom, etc.

Continued from STUDENT on Page 1 plazas next to campus. awareness to students of the initiatives Plaza are participating in the launch of the The Engineering Society is hoping this they are currently undertaking. "The real program: The indirect benefit, which is perhaps will prove a successful pilot for more way to affect students is to communicate • Kickoff: Free basket of waffle fries greater, is that when faced with a choice of continuous services for the Society to things that the Engineering Society offers," with purchase of two pitchers from places to take their business, Engineering offer, as a supplement to the event-based Birnbaum suggested. Using metrics from Sunday to Wednesday Society members will likely opt for the services like resumé critiques that are the initial round of businesses this term, • Molly Bloom's Irish Pub: 15% off all one at which they receive a direct discount. currently well-known by the student they hope to be able to advertise the food items This provides a good set of potential body. Engineering Society "A" President program better to future businesses by • Sweet Dreams Teashop: 10% off all customers to the businesses participating, David Birnbaum believes continuous demonstrating how successful it has been items a factor that's increasingly important in a services allow for easier explanation of the at previous ones. • Vegetarian & Fast Food Restaurant: fierce business environment like the two benefits of the Society, providing greater Four locations in the University Shops 10% off all food items (cash only) The Iron Warrior Wednesday, july 24, 2013 Miscellaneous 5 Feds and EngSoc Exec Respond to July General Meeting

Continued from FEDS on Page 1 Students is behind us. Without their coopera- was misinterpreted at the General Meeting, from the agenda.” tion it would probably be tough to do... It is many people thinking that Kevin wanted to Natasha Pozega defended her decision on The current structure of Feds does not have my personal belief that, if we’re receiving the remove the aforementioned people from of- the Board. “Each Director made an informed the VPs reporting to the President, rather, all money through the Faculty of Engineering fice rather than the Board of Directors. Soon decision based on the lawyer’s opinion... I did the VPs and President report to the Board of (which means through the Dean essentially), after, Kevin brought forward the motion and not approve the bylaws because the lawyers Directors. Many students, including Kevin, if the Dean goes to the University and says Sean Hunt brought forward a motion of “the recommended it was removed... Feds is here have expressed their concern about the VPs ‘we need to get this money sooner, we need objection to consideration of the question,” to support students, but Feds is also a cor- reporting to the same structure in which they to get this money now,’ she has a lot more pull which would mean Kevin’s motion could poration,” said Pozega. “In order to support are a significant voice. The two extra students at the university level than I believe anyone not be carried forward if it failed a 2/3 vote. students we do have to make sure that the cor- on the Board have seemed to reduce that on Feds does... It will be easier for directors The Feds lawyer was then contacted and pre- poration follows the law and is viable and can concern but some are still wary about how that are strapped for cash who aren’t able to sented a statement in front of the assembly, continue to support students.” much power the VPs hold on the Board of fork out one hundred plus dollars in the first through the Chair, stating that “a motion of On July 16, Feds posted a news feed item Directors. couple weeks of school, only to have to wait this nature cannot and will not be entertained entitled “Update: Changes made to General It was decided that the two additional a month and a half to get their money back at this meeting at this time,” and was then fol- Meeting Agenda”, stating “Previously, it was Board of Directors members were not to be [because they have to cover their own ex- lowed by a successful motion to adjourn the indicated on the agenda that Paragraph V. C. elected at the March General Meeting. Feds penses until the money comes through the meeting. The Executive reports originally on entitled “Proposals” with the first line, ‘The VP Education Adam Garcia made a statement current system], to be able to run the events the agenda were never presented at the meet- Board shall include proposals submitted by citing advice from their lawyer to not proceed that they want and be able to get involved ing. voting members in the second notice of a with an election during the meeting. in the [Engineering] Society.” Kevin also I asked Natasha if there was anything in meeting in accordance with the Act,’ would be Over two hours past the start of the meet- stated transparency concerns with Feds and her report that she wanted the student body to included... Such a proposal is only provided ing, the assembly took a 15 minute break to believes the closer relationship with the Fac- know. “The most important thing at this point for by the proposed Not-for-Profit Corpora- eat ice cream and rest their placard arm. ulty of Engineering will open more options would be that we are conducting a govern- tions Act, which has not yet been proclaimed The July General Meeting started with a to the Engineering Society in terms of getting ance review, because clearly it is a concern. I in force. The Federation By-Laws were re- unique discussion. It was the Chair’s under- fees and take some responsibility off of Feds do think good things will come from that and drafted this year, partly in anticipation of the standing that the July General Meeting was shoulders. it’s very important that we have an external new Not-for-Profit Corporations Act coming a “special general meeting,” disallowing Natasha was unable to speak with David consultant do that.” Natasha added that ma- into force. The By-Laws provide that refer- any motion to be presented at the meeting. Birnbaum about his motion but was enthusi- jor consideration will be put into students and ences to the Act are to whichever Act is appli- The disagreement resulted in a vote to de- astic about “setting up a meeting with mem- staff feedback. cable at the time. That means that Paragraph cide whether the meeting should be consid- bers of the Engineering Society, member of To explain what brought about Kevin’s V. C. of the By-Laws must be interpreted in ered “special” or not. The assembly voted to the Federation [of Students], people from the motion requires information about the Board accordance with the legislation that is now in consider the July General Meeting a regular [University of Waterloo] Finance Department of Directors meeting held the day before the force.” From the wording above, it’s hard to meeting, therefore allowing motions. and from the Dean of Engineering’s office to General Meeting on July 15. Kevin stated determine exactly why the amendment was With that, David Birnbaum presented a mo- discuss why the current system is in place and that he attended the General Meeting where disapproved. Was it removed because the tion “to have Feds actively work towards the then find a process that works for the Engi- the Board of Directors voted to approve the July General Meeting was initially consid- engineering faculty handling the Engineering neering Society and helps the Engineering bylaw amendments. Both David and Kevin ered a “Special General Meeting?” Society’s fee and transfer.” When asked why Society accomplish their goals.” explained to me that any bylaw changes first Kevin’s impression from attending the he put the motion forward David explained After listening to the three point of views need to be approved by the Board of Direc- Board of Directors meeting was “there was no that there have been problems with receiv- it would seem that Feds and the Engineering tors and then the Board needs to approve the concrete reasoning behind ‘we have to 100% ing fees from Feds in the past. “In the Soci- Society are working towards a common goal. inclusion of the bylaw changes in the General remove [the amendment] from the agenda... ety’s Agreement it outlines that there are four Both organizations realize that a review of the Meeting agenda. If the Board of Directors they cited legal reasons and from what I could items we must submit in order to get our fees current system to distribute money between does not approve a bylaw, the Corporations interpret from it was that they were worried and every term they are asking for more and the University and the Engineering Society is Act does not allow it to be tabled at a General about not having provided enough notice of more items. We are generally compliant, we needed. It has yet to be determined what is Meeting. Though the minutes of the Board the bylaw changes to allow them to be talked send them the additional items they request... the best way. The current system may be the of Directors meeting held on July 15 have about and voted on at the meeting.” I have I think it would give us more freedom.” Ac- best option; hopefully Feds and the Engineer- not been published, Kevin states that “three contacted Feds to clarify the advice from the cording to David, the Society’s Agreement ing Society can work to resolve this point of board members voted in favour of allowing lawyer, as of the evening of Monday, July 22, also contains many stipulations that could al- tension between both parties. the bylaw changes; five voted against allow- I have yet to hear back from them. Neverthe- low Feds from withholding fees from the En- Three hours after the scheduled start of the ing them.” Those five members were those less, many people’s concerns about the trans- gineering Society. David highlights this “as a General Meeting, with only the Feds Execu- named above in the motion as well as the parency of Feds seem to be legitimate con- concern to the Engineering Society running... tive reports left on the agenda, it seemed as if President, David Collins. It would seem that cerns since I needed to make direct inquires If we’re not able to have our fees, we’re not the evening was close to concluding. It was the members of the Board of Directors did not to get a full statement from Feds, rather than able to operate. We can’t just stand still.” close to the ending, but not in the way many agree on whether the amendment should be an explanation being posted on their website. Kevin McNamara support the motion put were expecting. After David Birnbaum’s mo- approved or not. David Birnbaum declined Kevin was disappointed that he was unable forward by David Birnbaum. “..I think it’s a tion was resolved another motion was tabled to comment on his particular vote during the to speak to his motion at the General Meeting. very positive motion from the engineering by Kevin McNamara, which incited an audi- Board of Directors meeting, but stated “The He clarified the spirit of the motion, explain- perspective,” noting that research will have to ble reaction from the assembly. Board as a whole decided to remove that ing that “in my opinion, and the opinion of go into making sure changing the pay pipeline Kevin brought forward a controversial mo- item... The Board removed the bylaws, in others, to remove an item from the agenda is something allowed at the university level. tion to remove Natasha Pozega, Devin Drury, my opinion, correctly from the agenda... The that so greatly benefits so many students the “I think it will be important that in moving Adam Garcia and Prashant Patel from the Board did not approve of the bylaws them- day before the meeting, it looks bad of the forward with this idea that the Federation of Board of Directors. It seemed that the motion self, therefore the motion has to be removed Board of Directors and I feel that the Board of Directors had ample opportunity between when the bylaw was brought forward and meeting to vote on it, to decide if it was going to be allowed... I feel like delaying it to the day before [the General Meeting] was not a good move on their part in supporting their members, empowering their members, repre- senting their members... To do what they did looks very bad on the organization.” Kevin later pointed out that “there was no distinct [statement] from the lawyer” presented at the Board meeting. Some might consider Kevin’s motion an overreaction to the decision of the Board of Directors. Is it necessary to remove the mem- bers of the Board because of how they dealt with this situation? I think some might have considered a motion to censure the members of the Board a more appropriate measure. Other people were taken aback by the abrupt- ness of Kevin’s motion, calling a “surprise” motion at a General Meeting inappropriate. Regardless, a clear message has been sent to the Board of Directors and Feds that students www.kwtravelclinic.ca on campus are not content with how they are operating and conducting themselves. I would encourage anyone displeased with Feds or the Board of Director to contact them. Their contact information can be found at feds.ca/ govstaff-section/all-staff. The Iron Warrior 6 Engineering Society wednesday, july 24, 2013 Where has the Time Gone? Best Semester Evar <3333

and I can provide support. Racing. While most boats went belly-up annamaria reda Council Meeting 6 is today, and it is go- pretty quickly, that didn't stop the fun! David Birnbaum brendan ing to be a good one. Feds President David Next year cardboard submarine racing president o’hanlon Collins will be coming to give a guest speech, may be considered. EngPlay had three VPS internal and we will also be voting on the ratification fantastic performances last week - bravo to changes and students' award policy. For more all the actors and assistants that made the The term has gone by quickly, but it was information on those items please check out Hello for the last time! After this production possible. And finally, course definitely an exciting one! the website or come and ask. We will also be semester, Annamaria is taking the reins critiques saw all of the students' class The student deals program and textbook getting a presentation from our CFO on the as VP Internal. But the semester isn't over feedback screened and sorted. library both launched last week, and are off Society surveys that went out. There are two yet! Friday is EngSoc day, and there will be Reminder: directorship applications to a good start. The student deals program member submitted motions that we will be inflatable rides, a barbecue, an Enginuity close Friday, August 2 — we still need is free for all students, and gives you awe- discussing, and we will be ratifying the new event at lunch, and the End of Term Party some directors! Want to organize fun some deals in the plaza: just head over to the speaker and commissioners for the Winter (EOT) is in the evening. Don't forget to outdoor winter activities, or larger events EngSoc office (CPH 1327) and pick up your 2014 term. Finally, we will be announcing submit your P**5 points, as the winning like TalEng or Semi-Formal, or have your student deals sticker. the winner of the President's awards for out- classes will be announced at EOT (with the own event to run? We want you! With The LCD screens now have software ready standing directors and commissioners, and help of the P**5 banner). Band Wars is on that being said, I'd like to again thank for them, and they will hopefully be up and the Paul Harlick award for outstanding class the next day, Saturday, July 27. Be at Wilf's every director that made all of the EngSoc running soon. This will be another way for rep. I hope to see you there. at 7 p.m. to listen to bands battle it out to events possible this semester. You guys are EngSoc to advertise our events and services, I had a great time in my afirst term as your win. If you liked TalEng then you will like awesome, I've never had as much fun in and will provide us with an avenue to com- President, and I hope you were all happy with Band Wars. my life as in this semester. municate many more opportunities moving the term. As always, any questions and con- The last couple weeks have seen a whole Looking forward, expect the Winter forward. cerns can be emailed to me at president.a@ bunch of exciting and successful events semester to be as exciting as this one. Last week was also the E&P meeting, engsoc.uwaterloo.ca. Feel free to also let me pass. Beach Day at Grand Bend was a fun Events planned include outdoor winter where I represent the student body on stu- know if you have anything you would like trip and well worth the sunburns. Students activities, more student skills workshops, dents various academic petitions. Please re- me to work on over the coop term! I hope shared a round of golf with alumni at the a variety of new speakers, and a few more member that if you or your friends are ever in you all have a great work term, and see you Student & Alumni Golf Tournament. surprises. That's it for me everybody, have academic trouble, they can come talk to me in January! Four boats competed at Cardboard Boat fun! ESSCO is BESSCO Cashing in the End of Term

the machine as well as the Ontario Society locations for the term were ratified at EngSoc leila meema- for Professional Engineers (OSPE) to plan a Meeting five, and can be seen on this page. Kevin Mcnamara coleman NEM finale event at the C.N. Tower where the VP finance A total of 11 teams and groups on campus VP external machine will be unveiled. submitted proposals, to be allocated a total In addition if you would like to get the of $5000 from the Spring term's budget. The chance to interact with ESSCO or the Canadi- sponsorship committee deliberated to come Holy cow! I cannot believe that this term is an Federation of Students (CFES), you should Hey there A-Soc! Wow, it's hard to believe up with the allocations, which saw each group almost over. It seems like yesterday that I was go to conferences. Conferences bring together that this term is already starting to come to an receive at least partial funding for their re- sitting in the Orifice stressing over what the engineering students from across the coun- end. As things wind down and final exams quests. Note to those who received sponsor- heck I was going to write for my firstThe Iron try to get together and learn from each other start to look like more of a reality, there's a ship: as soon as you have purchased the items Warrior article. Now look at me, a profession- and share ideas. In the fall term there are two few things to wrap up in terms of finances. that you had sponsorship allocated to you for, al writer in less than three months! Any who, conferences that you can apply to attend: the First off, the ECIF committee met this past please submit receipts in the EngSoc Office in this article I am going to focus on one part National Conference for Women in Engineer- Wednesday to decide on how to allocate a to- for reimbursement. of my portfolio that I haven't really touched on ing (NCWIE) and the Professional Engineers tal of $5500 ($1900 from the current EngSoc Moving onto coveralls, they should be in this term and that is the external organizations of Ontario Student Conference (PEO-SC). budget, $2100 to be reallocated from Winter some time this week. Once they have come in, that I interact with. ESSCO, or Engineering NCWIE focuses on increasing diversity in 2013, and $1500 to be reallocated from Fall everyone who purchased a pair will receive an Student Societies Council of Ontario for the engineering whereas PEO-SC focuses on pro- 2012) towards capital purchases within Engi- email from me. Did you miss out on coverall acronymophobes, is a provincial body that fessional development and expanding your neering. The proposals included a basketball day this term? Not to worry, there will be an- works to represent Ontario engineering stu- professional network. I will be opening appli- net for CPH Courtyard, reupholstering some other in the Winter, with more patches, more dents and you are all member simply by be- cations for both these conferences at the be- of the POETS couches, among other things. covering, and more alling! I am also looking ing an EngSoc member! If this organization is ginning of September so if you are interested The allocations will be presented and voted on into an EngSoc Onesie day, for those who may something you would like to get involved with stay tuned! at EngSoc Meeting 6 on the July 24, and will be interested in that! there is many ways to do so! Two in particular Lastly I want to thank each and every one be available on the EngSoc website after this Interested in getting involved in the running are by attending conferences or becoming a of my directors who put in so much effort this for anyone who is interested. If you have any of Novelties, the Engineering Society swag director. There are two directorships applica- term! I cannot believe how successful they all ideas for something that ECIF can purchase in shop that is located in CPH foyer? Then you tions open right now in ESSCO and you can were! I can't wait to see all of you again in the the future, the form is always open at engsoc. should apply to be a Novelties director for the apply at essco.ca. They are a great way to fall with even newer and more exciting events uwaterloo.ca/services/ecif-application. Winter 2014 Term! Novelties Directors are the meet people from all over Ontario, develop but until then have a fantabulous coop! On the topic of allocations, Sponsorship al- nice people that you see sitting in the store at your leadership skills and make an impact on lunch time, and are fundamental to the running the provincial level. The two directorship po- of the store. If you have great ideas for new sitions are below. If you have questions about EngSoc Spring 2013 Sponsorship Allocations items, great ideas to improve existing items, either position or applying please e-mail me at Group/Team Allocated Item or great ideas in general, then I suggest you [email protected]. EngFOC $291.43 Gentian Violet, Buckets apply! The form is available on the EngSoc Math and Science Day Director GNCTR $500.00 Tools website. Even if you're not interested in being The Math and Science Day director is re- a director, I am always looking for novelties Hashbang $170.00 Tier 1 sponsible for helping facilitate a day at Cana- suggestions, so please let me know! da's Wonderland to help judge the high school iGEM $300.00 DNA Synthesis That's about all I've got to update in terms of roller coaster competition. They will liaise UW Electric Motorsports $135.00 PC Duinos finances this issue. Thank you to everyone for with the schools, recruit volunteers and work UW Clean Snowmobile $410.20 Sensors a successful term, I have enjoyed being your on promoting engineering outreach. UW Robotics Team $982.56 Competition Fees/ NASA Motors, etc. VP Finance so far, and look forward to what National Engineering Month (NEM) UW_NRG $389.00 Microscope Camera the Winter term has to bring. As always, if you Director UWAFT $700.00 Vacuum and Pump ever have any questions, don't hesitate to ask! The NEM director is responsible for co- uwDNA $496.81 Tips/Tubes/Storage Racks/Cuvettes Email me at [email protected]. ordinating a province wide Rube-Goldberg ca, and I am more than happy to talk about machine connecting over ten schools across UWFSAE $625.00 Drill Press/Materials anything finance related with you! Good luck Ontario. They work with the schools to plan Total $5,000.00 during co-op and see you in the Winter! Upcoming Events Calendar Wednesday Thursday Friday Saturday Sunday Monday Tuesday Check out up-to- July 24 July 25 July 26 July 27 July 28 July 29 July 30 the-day event EngSoc Meeting #6 Charity Pancakes ENGSOC DAY! Band Wars Ice Team Monday Last Day of Lectures postings on the 17:30 - 19:00, POETS 08:30 - 10:30, CPH Foyer 15:00-17:00, POETS Patio Enginuity Design 19:00 - 23:00, Wilf’s Colouring Contest EngSoc website at Coffee House Running Club Competiition engsoc. 20:30 - 23:00, POETS 19:00 - 20:00 11:30 - 13:30, CPH Foyer uwaterloo.ca EOT 21:00 - 23:00 PM, POETS The Iron Warrior Wednesday, july 24, 2013 Engineering Society 7 Educational Tips for Studying

assumed. An ideal situation is where you Take frequent and regular breaks. block. Lastly, I know it can be hard (I’m know the ins and outs of your course Many studies show that students begin to a culprit) but ease off on the coffee! Try Drew Dutton VP Education a full day before your exam. That day lose focus after 50 minutes of concerted to limit yourself to one to two cups of should have about an hour of dedicated focus. Taking 10 to 15 minutes of break coffee MAX per day. light review time for the course, but the time to get up and move about helps Make time to relax! Naturally you majority of your day should be devoted you regain your focus to use the next want to study as much as possible, but Hi again everybody. Hard to believe that to the next exams in line. hour efficiently. Avoid watching TV in sometimes taking an hour to hang out this is already the last The Iron Warrior SLEEP! You will be loading your this time, as it can be easy to convince with friends or hit the gym can make all issue of the term!?! In this issue I will brain to the brim with information. Sleep yourself to watch a whole season the difference for the rest of your study continue on the subject of examinations, is an integral part of sorting and storing show while you're at it! Some good blocks. I’m personally a fan of relaxing which are fast approaching. Exams are a that information into your long-term study breaks include going for a walk, for a bit the night before an exam, and stressful time for everyone, and how you memory. On top of that, having a full bathroom breaks, or making a snack for immediately after writing an exam. Find prepare leading into the study break can night’s sleep will keep you feeling fresh yourself. If you’re having trouble with a out what works for you. make all the difference. Here are a few and sharp minded, ready to tackle another question, you might even see it in a new Don’t stress if things could have gone things to keep in mind that will help you day of studying or a tricky final. Include angle when you sit back down! better… easier said than done, eh? Done succeed this exam period: bedtime on your study schedule. Going Eat healthy. Eating regularly and is done. Stressing about how you did in Schedule your time! Write down your to sleep and waking up at consistent balanced meals ensures your body has an exam does you no good. Focus on the exam dates on a calendar and schedule times only increases the effectiveness all the vitamins and nutrients it needs to exams left ahead of you, and doing well study time accordingly. Do it ASAP. of your downtime. Try to incorporate function properly. It can be surprising on them. Estimate how much time you need to these times such that a morning exam how much better you can feel by eating Naturally, everyone is different. Find study for each course, and divvy it up won’t require you to wake up earlier well. You will feel more confident and out what works for you, and get into a throughout the days leading up to your than usual. Doctors recommend between more capable. Avoid eating sugary rhythm. Best of luck to everyone, and exam. Bear in mind that you will likely seven and nine hours of sleep each night, snacks, which will lead to a crash have a great work term. I look forward need a bit more time than you initially so try to avoid cramming! halfway through your 50 minute study to seeing you all in January.

Debt Load Survey WEEF Review for Spring 2013

1. Response Summary: Ben Pratt The meetings provide the venue for following in our footsteps. We want to Total Responses: 865 Weef director each class’s representative to attend and continue to urge all that feel compelled to Number of Surveys Sent: 2034 really dig deep into what their department make a difference to continue submitting Response %: 43% The Spring 2013 term is coming to needs and collaborate with all other their proposals each term and contact # of Students in Core Classes: 2728 a close which means that this term’s Council members to determine what will us at any time with any questions you Waterloo Engineering Endownment be best for the student body. It can be may have. Please note that only items 2. Does your family support you Foundation (WEEF) allocation of a lengthy three nights, often not during with funding allocations are permissible financially? (843 responses) $60,000 to Faculty and Student Teams the best time for each representative. For expenses. Yes: 73% No:27% initiatives is nearly complete. This year, all that attended, thank you for attending This term, WEEF is proud to announce the Funding Council had a particularly and providing the insight and discussion this term’s participation rate is 87.8%, 3. Average Cost of Living for 4 Month difficult task, to whittle down the that make WEEF what it is today. which is higher than the last several School Term? (847 responses) $216,725 in requests and award the total Congratulations to those that have Spring terms! Attached is a figure with $11,276 $60,000 to the most deserving of causes. received funding! For the details on the participation rates of all departments. It is no small feat and council engaged which proposal received funding and The Geological Engineering 1B class 4. Average Cost of Living for 4 in heated debate about what proposal for what items, be sure to check out stands out as the only class with 100% Month Work Term? (799 responses) deserves the funds. With 19 Faculty weef.uwaterloo.ca/proposals.php in participation! Congratulations! Higher $4,297 proposals, 17 Student Teams and 6 the first few days of August. Official participation rates provide funding for miscellaneous category proposals from approval of funding will take place the all the fancy gadgetry and laboratory 5. Have you applied for local aid or nearly all departments and teams, the evening of July 29 during the Board equipment that our departments other bursaries? (849 responses) most capable WEEF Funding Council of Directors meeting. For those that require to provide us with leading edge Yes: 45% No:42% Not yet: 13% allocated 70% of the funds to Faculty did not receive funding, or as much education, and provide the teams with with the remaining 30% to the Student as they would have liked, we want to the ability to intimidate their competitors 6. Have you applied for local aid for Teams. Your class representatives thank you for submitting your proposal in the various competitions throughout OSAP? (856 responses) comprising the Funding Council and doing what you can to improve the the year. Yes & Received: 45% No: 43% sat through just over four hours of Undergraduate Engineering experience As always, do not hesitate to email Yes & Denied: 12% presentations, followed up with two and at the University of Waterloo! The vast us at any time throughout the term at a half hours in the following decision number of proposals that we see each [email protected] with any questions 7. Do you have a loan for academic meeting. This term, we were able to pass term is proof that people want to make you might have. Remember, one of the purposes? (848 responses) this term’s decision with representative a positive change for those students best formulas for your exams this term: Yes: 39% No: 52% Not Yet: 9% attendance from 26 of 33 classes. on campus and for those that will be WEEF IS GOOD!

8. Has the differential tuition in- crease caused you hardship? (842 Spring, 2013 WEEF Participation Rates by Class responses) Yes: 40% No: 33% Not Yet: 27%

9. How much debt do you expect to be in by graduation ($)? (822 re- sponses) No debt: 28% <4,999: 14% 5000-9999: 11% 10000-19999: 16% 20000-39999: 20% 40000+: 11%

10. Do you live at home while at school? (857 responses) Usually: 8% Used to: 2% No: 90%

11. Have you lived at home while on work terms? (854 responses) Always: 15% Sometimes: 50% Never: 35%

12. Average weekly salary while on work term (743 responses) $669 The Iron Warrior 8 Science and Technology wednesday, july 24, 2013 What Time Is It Mr. Caesium-133?

atomic clocks around the world. UTC is not ard and to keep IAT and UTC are called cae- of caesium atoms regardless of the specific quite the same as IAT, because we humans sium fountain clocks. They start by cooling setup, time of year, or location on Earth so it Ioana Craiciu 3T Nanotechnology like our days to be 24 hours from noon to and trapping a small amount of caesium-133 can be measured and agreed upon by anyone noon. Though this is true on average, it is not atoms to a few microkelvin in a vacuum with a caesium fountain clock. true for any given day if you measure it with chamber using laser beams. This technique There are other kinds of atomic clocks. Mandatory Small Talk fixed length seconds. This is due to a variety uses the fact that photons (particles of light), One kind is an optical lattice clock. Instead of factors such as the Earth's elliptical orbit have momentum. By hitting a cloud of atoms of using a microwave resonant frequency of According to my computer, it was and its axial tilt. Corrections are made to Inter- with light from all six directions, the atoms caesium atoms, an optical resonant frequency 12:51:23 p.m. at the time I wrote the last national Atomic Time by adding one second can be compressed into a small ball, slowed of strontium atoms is used. Also, instead of digit. What is the precision of that measure- here and subtracting some there, to give us down (and therefore cooled), and trapped. An- kicking the atoms up in a fountain, the atoms ment? Probably plus or minus one second, UTC time, which is followed by everything other laser beam is then used to give a push to are trapped in an optical lattice. An optical lat- limited by my typing speed (appalling) and from the Stock Market to cellphones and this bunch of atoms, sending them up into a tice is a two dimensional pattern of standing by my Internet connection. Having checked home computers. resonant cavity. The resonant cavity is a cham- waves, created by a laser beam interfering the "Set date and time automatically" box, my So how do atomic clocks keep such accu- ber with an adjustable length that is filled with with itself. The standing waves create periodic computer's time is updated via the internet to rate time? Atomic clocks are really frequency microwaves. For every length, only a certain traps for the atoms, which look kind of like a a server somewhere, which itself syncs with calibration sources. Their input is a range of frequency of the microwave can exist, so by chessboard of hills and valleys. In this way, the UTC time. UTC time, or Coordinated Uni- frequencies, and their output is one specific changing the length, the frequency of the mi- atoms are held in place during the measure- versal Time, is the successor to GMT (Green- frequency. Time intervals can then be precise- crowaves can be swept over. If the microwave ment. The higher frequency of the resonant wich Mean Time). The precision of UTC time ly measured since the time intervals are just frequency is resonant with a frequency in the light and longer measurement times make itself, limited by the precision of the atomic the inverse of frequencies. There are several caesium atoms, then the caesium atoms absorb this type of atomic clock more precise than clocks that keep it, is about 0.1 femtoseconds. kinds of atomic clocks, some of which work the microwaves and change their state. In this the caesium fountain clocks. Recently, a jour- This means that the human race, assuming at microwave frequencies (GHz), and some changed state, they can interact with a laser and nal article in Nature Communications from no global electricity blackouts affecting all of which work at optical frequencies (hun- then fluoresce. Only when the input frequency a research group in Paris showed that this is atomic clocks simultaneously, will be able to dreds of THz). The International Standard (SI) is resonant with the caesium atoms will they the case by comparing several optical lattice reference this exact moment 100 million years unit for time is the second, and it is defined fluoresce and by detecting the fluorescence, clocks to each other and also to caesium atom from now, to the accuracy of a second. (Since to be 9 192 631 770 periods of a certain fre- the resonant frequency of 9.192631770 GHz clocks. There is talk that this will lead to a re- there are about 1016 seconds in 100 million quency naturally present in caesium (Cs) at- is found. There is nothing special about this definition of the SI second to a more precise years). oms. By definition, this frequency is exactly number, it was chosen to match the previous number. This would improve the accuracy of International Atomic Time (IAT) is the time 9.192631770 GHz. definition of the second. The important part is devices such as GPS, which depend on a pre- actually kept by a network of hundreds of The atomic clocks used to define this stand- that it will be the same for cold dilute samples cise knowledge of what time it is. What’s in a Hack

program. This can either be obvious to users it generally is accomplished by this method. posing as another person or pretending that in the case of a defamed website or hacked Another common hack thrown around they work at a specific company to try to Joshua Kalpin 2B Software twitter account or be almost undetectable. these days is called a zero-day attack, or gain access to their system. This is more of a The best example of the more visible 0-day exploit. Essentially this describes any psychological attack that can be approached methods of hacking is with a direct denial- attack that exploits an unknown vulnerability in many different ways. In some cases, of-service (DDOS) attack. The goal of in a piece of software, hence it occurs on day the goal is to obtain a user’s credentials, In the modern world of computing we this attack is to make a network, service or zero of the attack being discovered. There while in others it may be to get a user to constantly hear that X company was hacked website unavailable to users. This can be have been a number of these on Java lately download a virus to infect an entire network. by Y method. To the average non-super- accomplished in many different ways, but and it is one of the most difficult attacks to Recently in the news, bank systems in the tech-savvy individual many of these terms the most common is to overload the server defend against because of the short time U.K. were infected by a virus because of are confusing and it is worrying not to know with external requests so it can not serve up frame between it’s discovery and use. a social engineering attack on a number of why these companies or individual are being legitimate requests in a timely manner. These first two hacks are more oriented employees. hacked. Furthermore, a bit of knowledge As a brief tangent, most web related services towards a technically hands on approach to The three attack methods that we just on what potential attacks are possible on operate on a request model. When a user taking down a computer system or gaining covered are just the tip of the iceberg when it computer systems can make it easier for wants to do something (i.e. search something access to someone’s information. There are comes to the wild-west of computer security. those of you who may eventually want to on Google), their computer sends a request to also a number of hacks that rely on fooling There are a slew of viruses, malware, program some software on your own to build the server for some form of content. Ideally, a a user into willingly giving over password and other goodies that can take over a secure systems. server can handle an extremely large number credentials without having to attempt to computer, but the definition of a virus is a So, to start, what exactly is hacking? Well, of requests at a time, but in most cases a break in manually. lot more common than many of these hacks. in a computer security sense, hacking can DDOS attack sends millions of requests to The most common and, frankly, most Hopefully, you learned a little bit about summed up as gaining unauthorized access a server at once. In the news, any time you scary of these is social engineering. Social computer security and what a couple of these to a computer system and/or altering the hear about Anonymous attacking someone, engineering works by the hacker either exploits actually do. Hyperloop Aims to Outperform High-Speed Rail

he hopes will be a more effective means many enthusiasts to attempt to create at the ends of the journey. To maintain of transportation than current high-speed mockups and theories of how the system these high speeds, the tube would need Jacob Terry 3A Nanotechnology transit models. His initial claim stated works. The most popular theory going to be sealed with low interior air levels that the design, whatever it may be, around,one that Musk has hinted is the to reduce the severity of air drag on the would be able to get people from Los closest he’s seen so far to the actual pods. Vacuum-sealing the tubes would be Angeles to San Francisco in half an hour, design, is that the Hyperloop will be a one way of removing concerns about air Tesla Motors CEO Elon Musk leading to massive speculation on what long tube in which air-propelled pods drag in the tube, yet Musk has stated that announced via Twitter last Monday that could be the solution. rocket at nearly 1000 km/h. At the end his solution does not use vacuum-sealed on August 12, he would publish the alpha Musk has described the Hyperloop of the loop would be a deceleration tubes, further fueling speculation. design of the Hyperloop, a proposed as a “cross between a Concorde and a and acceleration zone where magnets rapid transit model he is involved in that railgun and an air hockey table”, leading would slow down and speed up the pod Continued at CURRENT on Page 9

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Rho, Rho, Rho your boat, you happy little yaughter Aren’t you happy the rho of wood, is less than the rho of water? The Iron Warrior Accounces it Will Decouple From Itself

imPure Moment the Advisory Board have definitely been stated Lucas Hudson, the current editor of do not listen to what we say and vote against Iron Warrior President “A” briefed on this multiple times beforehand The Iron Warrior. “I do what I want, so deal our motions because they disagree. and this will be beneficial to both publica- with it.” The publications will not share any struc- In a lengthy press release through its pub- tions. The ‘B’ members completely sup- The ‘B’ members on the Board were ture, save for a few items in our new Policy lication which no one reads, The Iron War- port this idea and can’t wait to pass it at the initially taken aback at the turn of events, Manual, which will state that the Editor-in- rior announced on its latest issue that each upcoming meeting. No seriously, they love but eventually came to accept that the Chief runs The Iron Warrior and that we stream of the newspaper will “decouple” it even more than we do. We shit you not. proper way of dealing with their problems will use the same office. However, furniture from one another, dismantling the Advisory This proposal will work out for both pub- was through avoidance and division. They is off-limits, so back off B-Board and buy Board that consisted of an equal and repre- lications in a beneficial way. Each board entirely agree with our method for going your own chairs. sentative selection of members from each will be able to better serve their publications forward and are very excited to have this We feel strongly that this will not create stream. In its place, there will be two Advi- without having to discuss their decisions pass. “Wait, what?” agreed Alex Lee, the a divide between publications and increase sory Boards of three members each, which with the other board. Our members feel that upcoming “B” editor of The Iron Warrior. cohesion between boards, by not discussing will not ask each other for approval and ef- having to discuss their issues with members “Shouldn’t we talk about our issues together shared issues and fending for ourselves. fectively share an office and a general struc- of the other stream is a fruitless exercise, as and compromise?” We also feel that doing what we want and ture. The press release reads as follows: we have to reason through our arguments As stated before, this proposal is in the not consulting with the other board will The Iron Warrior ‘A’ members of the Ad- and justify to others why their ideas were best interest of the students and publica- be beneficial to promoting further spirit, visory Board would like to announce that useful. “I don’t really like having to ask tions. At the next meeting, our stream will attracting members, and building unity the Advisory Board has agreed to propose the members on The-Stream-That-Must- present a motion to remove the ‘B’ members between our two publications. We look decoupling our publications at the next Not-Be-Named about their opinion and ap- from our Advisory Board for not acting in forward to seeing the benefits of these Advisory Board meeting. All members of proval, because I quite frankly don’t care,” the best interest of the publication, as they actions going forward. Waterloo to Promote Green Space on Campus

Sullen Choirboy eyesore to everybody, therefore the ben- In addition to making non-green things available for free, including Light Green, 2B Communism and efit of making it green is minuscule. green, the project also includes budget Dark Green, and GO Transit Green. Ex- Chromatography Physical greening will take place some- for coating grass fields with fluorescent clusive green colours, which would re- time next term. It will consist of painting green spray. Sources suggest that fluores- quire an "affordable annual subscription," In its ongoing effort to increase the walls to various shades of green, adding cent paint will make green spaces "truly introduce fifty exotic shades such as Jala- amount of green space on campus, the loudspeakers playing licensed BrainSync green regardless where the sun is." The peño Pepper, Jägermeister Bottle, and University will announce plans next week music 24/7, and planting fake plants Tin Soldier estimates a 20% reduction in long-time favourite #69B00B. to implement green space on all campuses. scattered in hallways. Patrons in a post- lighting costs after the material is applied. It remains yet to be seen if POETS will The plan has been confirmed by mul- greening building will be able to emulate An MSDS of the fluorescence is not yet receive actual turf as part of this project or tiple sources last Friday. The Tin Soldier the feeling of being outdoors and enjoying available. Dulux paint as a cost-effective alternative. has accessed recycling bins on library life without actually doing anything. The greening will also apparently ex- NEAC did not reply directly when asked computers but failed to uncover more in- A review of the University's recent pur- tend into cyberspace. A mandatory green if it has reached to the University for formation. chase orders further confirmed the exist- theme will be applied on all university-af- funding of a new turf. "We may attempt The project calls for a greening of most ence of this plan. An extravagant amount filiated sites. Visitors can customize their to acquire some #69B00B paint from our university spaces, including buildings, of Dulux Weatherguard and Dulux X- favourite shades of green for his or her sponsors," NEAC said in an emailed state- rooms, and libraries. One notable building Pert paint totaling over $25,000, colours own ultimate green cyber space. ment to The Tin Soldier. The Faculty of absent from the greening plan is the South unknown, have been ordered in the past The Tin Soldier has so far confirmed Environment spokesperson did not re- Campus Hall. Sources say it is already an month. that at least three shades of green will be spond to requests for an interview. Snowden Pardoned, Protests Outside DP After Zimmerman Prosecuted Mid-term Tuition Hike

John Snowden Obama then switched tack to address the Knows nothing George Zimmerman issues. "There has been a gross miscarriage of After the White House petition enti- justice in America this month. I speak, of tled "Pardon Edward Snowden" exceeded course, of George Zimmerman. Thus to 100 000 signatures on July 9, 2013, Obama correct this I shall let the people of Amer- has formally apologized to America and ica take on the role of Judge Judy and Ex- the world. ecutioner for this man. We'll set up a poll A video was uploaded on YouTube on Facebook so that you can all 'like' either showing the President of the United States the 'Zimmerman is guilty' or 'Zimmerman looking very apologetic. is innocent' post. Most likes determines his "We are very, very sorry for rifling fate! Street justice y'all." through your emails and listening to your Obama concluded his video on a posi- private phone calls. This went beyond tive note by introducing a new construction the surveillance necessary to protect the project. interests of national security. The Ameri- "I'm happy to announce that we will be can people have spoken. Our government going forward with design and construc- thought we knew how best to fight the war tion on the Death Star, or as we will call on terrorism, but the sacrifices that it re- it, the Peace Moon. This will stimulate the quired of American citizens was too great." economy and provide valuable American "There may be hundreds of thousands of construction and manufacturing jobs, rath- telephone records — But we know noth- er than outsourcing labour from the Gun- ing, Ed Snowden. Nothing of security, gans or the Sand People." FLIP ME! nothing of justice, nothing of liberty." Construction is slated to begin in 2025. TThehe TTinin SSoldieroldier 2 FUN FACT: Ellen page is canadian, graduating from shambhalawedne high sschoolday, JU LYin 18,halifa 2012x LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

INSTABILITY SPEED Ellen Page Fan Club

RATE ACHIEVED (ACHIEVEMENT UN- is identified in the Stop message, LOCKED: DRAIN THE MAIN VEIN) disable the driver or check with The One the Only NAME FILE MISSING ELLEN PHILPOTTS-PAGE Program not found 2. INSERT APPENDAGES INTO HY- the manufacturer for driver up- DRATING DEVICE, ROTATING FRE- dates. Try changing video adapt- QUENTLY FOR MAXIMUM SURFACE ers. Assistant to the Editor AREA COVERAGE. Check with your hardware ven- Jacob Terry GOOD NEWS EVERYONE! I HOPE 3. CONTINUE MOISTENING APPEND- dor for any BIOS updates. Dis- YOU ALL HAVING SWELL DAY, EH? AGES WHILE SINGING HERE’S TO able BIOS memory options such as Pony Pit I ONLY SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO SONG, GODIVA HYMN, OR OTHER AP- caching or shadowing. If you need Maggie Maclean MY FATHER PREVIOUSLY BUT I NE- PROPRIATE SONG FOR PUBLIC WASH- to use Safe Mode to remove or Rainbow Dash GLECT TO SAY HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROOM. disable components, restart your Pinkie Pie TO MY AUNT, MY MOTHER, MY 4. END MOISTENING BY REMOVING computer, press F8 to select Ad- Applejack GRANDMOTHER, MY GRANDFATHER, APPENDAGE FROM HYDRATING DE- vanced Startup options, do the GEORGE BUSH, JUSTIN BIEBER, JESUS VICE. chicken dance, insert noodly ap- Dead Ghost Cat AND BEER. THANK YOU! 5. USING FIBROUS SHEET OR OP- pendages into orifices on your PC, Natalie Merritt I WOULD LIKE TO START OFF BY TIONAL KIMWIPE (A NEW ONE YOU toss furniture across the room, MAKE SOME CORRECTION TO PRE- DIRTBAG), ROTATE GEAR CLOCK- yell at your dutiful writers and You Wouldn’t Download a Ghost! VIOUS ISSUE. IN PREVIOUS ISSUE, I WISE ON HYDRATING DEVICE UNTIL editors, go for a “walk”, make Stella Blackstone ADDED ARTICLES TO PAPER AND PUT FLOW RATE = 0 L/s. horking noises, remove eyeballs, BYLINES NEXT TO ARTICLES, AND I 6. USING FIBROUS SHEET OR OP- punt PC, and then select Safe Go Ahead and Touch APOLOGIZE FOR MISTAKE. TIONAL KIMWIPE (MAY REUSE PRE- Mode. Trish Not-Below-the-Belt ALSO, I WANT TO UPDATE ON VIOUS ONE AT OWN RISK), WIPE AP- Technical information: MONEY UPGRADE THIS TERM. I HAS PENDAGES WITH FIBROUS SHEET OR *** STOP: 0x0234345368276EEFEFE Homeless in Harvard BOUGHT MANY CUSTOM WINDOWS OPTIONAL KIMWIPE UNTIL DRY. FEFEFEFEFEFE (0x901587156CCCFFC- Young Lisa COMPUTER. APPLE ARE DUMB. SO 7. DISPOSE OF FIBROUS SHEET OR CFFCCF, LEFT RIGHT LEFT RIGHT UP ARE ORANGE AND LEMON AND PINE- OPTIONAL KIMWIPE AT NEARBY UP DOWN DOWN B A) Loved a Boy APPLE. WHO NAME COMPUTER AF- WASTE BEAKER. Beginning dump of physical mem- Lucas Hudson TER FRUIT? WINDOWS COMPUTER 8. EXIT BATHROOM ory NO, PICK ME! WILL HELP WITH OFFICE PRODUCTIV- GREAT LORDS OF AZEROTH, I HAVE Physical memory dump complete. ITY (IT HAS MICROSOFT OFFICE) AND DESPISE OF THE SADNESS UPON Beginning dump of “S13 Issue Mouth to Mouth HAS SOME KICKASS GAMES THAT I WHICH INDESIGN LAY ITS GRO- 5.indd” A Little Bit Satly PWN MY DOTA FRIENDS IN ON REGU- TESQUE VISAGE. I WANT TO SHARE Physical “S13 Issue 5.indd” A Little Bit Sweet LAR BASIS. AS I ALWAYS SAY, IF YOU MOR...T..PS BUT THESE COMPUTER dump complete. CAN’T FRAG NOOBS ON YOUR SWEET NOT W....K AS I DE...RE. WH....THI...G.... Beginning dump. Soft Candy RIG, IT’S NOT WORTH BUYING, AMIR- AR.G.AG.....GE.G.H....II...... Physical dump complete. ;) Chewy Like a Peacock ITE? YOU AND ME BOTH BRUDDA. Adobe InDesign CS5.5 stopped Contact no one, because no one NEXTLY, I WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS working. Windows is checking for can help you now. DFTBA! One Last Stand THE ART OF WASHING OF HAND IN a solution to the problem..... Kitty Pryde BATHROOM. MANY ENGINEER GO (SEE FACEPAWING POLARBEAR) BY BATHROOM WITHOUT WASH- ...... A problem Future Day in the Past ING HAND AND I WOULD LIKE TO has been detected and Windows Shadowcat ADDRESS ISSUE IN MY HIGH-PRO- has been shut down to prevent you FILE EDITORIAL. THE ART OF HAND from completing your issue. This Pregnant with Child WASH IS UNDERSTANDABLE FOR ALL is not the first time you’ve seen Juno MacGuff THROUGH 8 SIMPLE STEP AS I WILL this Stop error screen, but re- Paulie Bleeker OUTLINE IN MY 5 STEP PLAN: start your computer anyway. Leah 1. USING FIBROUS SHEET OR OP- If this screen appears again, Mac TIONAL KIMWIPE, ROTATE GEAR which it will, follow these steps: Bren COUNTERCLOCKWISE ON HYDRAT- Check to be sure you have ad- littlebigfun.org Mark Loring ING DEVICE UNTIL PROPER FLOW equate disk space. If a driver PACEFAWING POLAR BEAR!!! Vanessa Loring

We Must Go Deeper The God of the Underworld Wants You Dominick Cobb Arthur (or Your Soul) Saito Ariadne men (yes, they are all men) asked for the di- spreads, these EICs are noobs when it comes Robert Fischer hades vine ability to layout; however, they forgot to layout. They are known to forget stroke Maurice Fischer collector of all the to ask for “Engrish” skills. They so bad that weights on pictures, have character spac- souls they make me sad. For one particular EIC, ing in the positive or negative fifties (which Super-D-Duper he should have asked for an walnut cracker. ends up rivaling Madonna’s gap teeth when Libby True story, bro. it comes to spaces in words), and consistently Boltie All day, err’day, I collect the souls of mor- You mad, bro? “forgetting” to put articles in the paper. These tals. Sometimes, they die. Sometimes, they In public, they’re sweet and cute and oh people also can’t line text up with the border Whip it Out decide to sell it to me. It’s dull and dreary so snuggly. Behind the closed doors of the or remove the extra black space in the byline. Pure Bliss work, but once in a while, a soul presents it- IW cave, it’s a very different story. These Weirdly enough, they are loners and love self that is both interesting and frightening to EICs are known to bruise it and lose it. to shut themselves up alone in the IW Of- The Tin Soldier is not a forum for thought-provoking behold. These souls are offered to me every They defenestrate things, they bitchslap fice (with our without pants on - I wouldn’t and informative articles, and has no association what- four months from a distinct type of student little girls, and they yell at babies. More know) and attempt to layout. Come Sunday so-ever with the Society of the Travelling Pants. Views expressed in The Tin Soldier are not those of the authors at the University of Waterloo; they are the often than not, they employ the Imprint to night, they’re still not done and are starting and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Chuck Nor- Editors of The Iron Warrior. They are crazy smack their subordinates upside the head to stink from failing to leave the room and ris. enough to study Engineering at Waterloo and and to threaten death when articles don’t do menial things like shower and eat. Thank- The Tin Soldier encourages submissions from stu- dents, faculty and members of the Non-Existent Action they are also stupid enough to accept this arrive on time. More scary is their look of fully for them, they can write. Unfortunately, Committee. Submissions should reflect the concerns and position. From the steady stream of idiots serenity when these actions take place. You they usually write crap; I remember one EIC intellectual standards of the The Society of the Travelling Pants in general. The author's name and phone number to pass through the Hell (so to speak) that is think they’re happy when they’re smiling... writing 1500 words about fonts...yeah, it was should be included, except if they are non-existent. This being an EIC, I’ve categorized the souls of but they’re not. They resemble the Joker exhilarating. Also, they love to place random information may or may not be posted on our website. All submissions, unless otherwise stated, become the these misguided dumbasses into categories. with his perpetual smile which hides their and useless pictures for no reason (because property of The Tin Soldier, which reserves the right to Rambling Overachiever capacity to demolish any self-respect or dig- newspapers are like picture books...) since refuse publication of material which it deems too suit- This particular specimen is an overa- nity you had. Most importantly, these EICs they haven’t planned ahead to account for able. However we’re so desperate for content that we’ll likely take it (but we might just send it to Imprint). The chiever in the sense that he demonstrated are master delegators given their aptitude the fact that they two blank pages to fill with Tin Soldier also reserves the right to edit grammar, spell- his prowess and became the Editor in their in scaring the ‘bejeezus’ out of you. They something; anything usually goes for them. ing and text that do not meet university standards, but engineers suck at english so it’s a low standard. 2A term. More commonly known as the don’t actually do much and feign business They also swear by Macs; just sayin’. Mail should be addressed to PJ Katie, c/o YTV Cana- “Leeroys”, these editors have a distinct ap- by having ‘assignments’ and ‘homework’ That pretty much sums it up until I encoun- da, P.O.Box 7500, Paris, Ontario, N2L 3W7. We do not currently have a phone, however you may redirect all titude for getting ‘er done but they forgot to and ‘all the FYDP things.’ Whatever you tered the fourth kind of EIC recently. This one inquiries to Kickoff’s, as we’re likely there. We don’t ask for a couple of things when giving up do, don’t anger it. couldn’t ask for anything from me because have a fax number as no one uses faxes anymore. their souls. They forgot to ask for the abil- Do you even layout? he had no soul to barter with. It’s probably ity to write. Their sentences don’t flow; in While the Overachievers bask in the because he’s a ginger (and everyone knows fact, they don’t even pretend to flow. These glory of their Tetris-master-like newspaper that gingers have no souls). The Tin soldier FUn fact: ellen page is a bad-ass juggler 3 Mike Duffy Resigns; Bieber, Ford Among Top Replacement Candidates

will add some much needed trendiness to the Senate, where the average age is 65. Mr cool 3a r u mad @ me? His considerable wealth means that he will not need the help of top Conservative staff members to pay off his inevitable expense claim discretions. On top of this, the Biebs Having determined that being a member will need little training on the workings of of the Senate does not make him immune the Senate, since he is already rarely seen from laziness, ineptitude, and corruption; near Ottawa, his opinions hold little legiti- many speculated that embattled Senator macy and he already has his own public re- Mike Duffy may decide to resign from the lations team experienced in playing down Senate in hopes of finding an even cushier his growing list of stupid statements and and less transparent quasi-retirement posi- actions. On top of all of this, he is already tion. The delay in his decision led many to the butt of many jokes amongst Canadians. speculate that Duffy had finally realized In many ways, the Biebs is just as senato- that an even cushier position may be im- rial as Mike Duffy. If the Biebs turns down possible to find. However upon realizing the decision, many speculate that Harper that he may actually have to live in Prince may instead authorize the extradition of the Edward Island year round instead of two Bieb’s pet monkey, OG Mally, from Ger- sunny, hot weeks in August at his Caven- many to Canada to fill Duffy’s seat, who dish cottage, the soon-to-be-former Sena- would be by far the second most famous tor has announced he will soon be giving Senatorial candidate. Unfortunately, many up his seat. Although he has not revealed fear OG Mally may be overqualified for his future ambitions, most speculate he the position. will pursue a role in municipal politics in Other insiders speculate that the Biebs Montreal as soon as the next City Council- is an unlikely choice because if he were lor is arrested. to take Duffy’s place; Duffy’s custom- It is now up to Prime Minister Stephen made fat-fingered keyboard, oversized of- Harper to appoint a Senator to replace Mr. fice chair and handmade chin supporting o.canada.com Duffy. Fortunately for the Prime Minister, neckties may all go to waste. It would be Biebs, Looking Very Senatorial, Meets a Much More Casual PM Harper the candidate will not need to own proper- a shame to waste tax-moneys. In order to ty in Prince Edward Island, since they can take advantage of Duffy’s oversized cloth- enough). Fortunately for Prime Minister candidate other then Ben Johnson, Chavril simply move into Mr. Duffy’s vacant cot- ing and office equipment, many speculate Harper, Fordsy’s brother and mouthpiece (the singular person created by the unholy tage for at least fifty weeks of the year. For- that the next candidate may be a more well- Doug (who I will also refer to as Fordsy) is marriage of Chad Krueger and Avril Lavi- tunately for Mr. Harper there is no short- rounded candidate. And of course, it would just fat enough to fill the (oversized) chair gne), Conrad Black and any type of pou- age of entitled and washed up household be difficult to find a more well-rounded of former Senator Duffy instead. Unfortu- tine that does not contain cheese curds. Oh, names to choose from, all of whom have politician then Toronto’s fat and sweaty nately, neither Fordsy has a monkey to fill and maybe Ben Mulroney. Still, none of their strengths and weaknesses in terms of ball of fun Mayor, Rob Ford (who I will the position if both brothers turn it down. them have the class of the (pictured) Biebs senatorial qualifications. refer to as Fordsy). Unfortunately, Fordsy Beyond Fordsy and the Biebs, there or the well roundedness of Fordsy. Regard- Many believe that Mr. Harper may try to is in office until next year’s mayoral elec- are a few candidates who could take over less of who Mr. Harper chooses, it will take push a youth movement in the Senate. This tion, and unless some sort of explosive Duffy’s seat. Retired astronaut Chris Had- great accomplishments of greed, fatness, has led some to speculate that singing sen- scandal takes place, it looks as if Fordsy field is a well respected, intelligent public and entitlement to fill the senatorial shoes sation Justin Bieber (whom I will refer to has a strong chance of re-election (for figure. If he was less well respected and (no doubt purchased on taxpayer’s dollars as the Biebs) may soon replace Mr. Duffy. those who are wondering, smoking crack intelligent he may have been considered. from a store not located in Prince Edward There is no doubt that his youth and fame with drug dealers is not nearly explosive The same can be said for pretty much every Island) of Mr. Mike Duffy. Bitchface Vaccine IW Fee Sparks Outrage

Real Talk Nancy final exams until the fee has been paid. Introduced, Rejected 4A Da Hood Because of the end-term fee hike, a pro- test was held in the Engineering courtyard associated with bitchface, even though it is EngSoc has voted to increase the inci- on July 24, 2013, to little success. dr disease a harmless cosmetic disorder: afflictees are dental The Iron Warrior fee by 200% to what are you shunned and not invited to parties as the cover increased expenses incurred by the looking at? general populace is afraid of bitches (and EIC, including new chairs from IKEA, air potentially being bitten by them). conditioners, milk, and pizzas with pine- The vaccine is comprised of sunshine apple. This change will take place imme- On June 18, 2013, researchers from the and puppy hearts and works by forcing diately. The outstanding balance can be University of Waterloo announced that children to smile all the time so that when viewed on Quest, under Finances. bp.blogspot.com they had developed an amazing new vac- they relax they always smile, rather than Students who do not pay their outstand- cine for bitchface. Bitchface is a crippling adopting a scary neutral expression. The ing balance will not be able to take their Students Gather at Fee Hike Protest disease that occurs mainly in females, researchers suggest that it should be ap- but can occur in males as well. It usually plied to males and females under 13 who emerges during or after puberty. Symp- have not yet developed bitchface, since toms of bitchface include angry eyes and a older people who have bitchface tend to turned-down mouth. There is social stigma have their faces stuck that way. A cure for bitchface in post-pubescent advanced sufferers has not yet been devel- oped, though a recent therapy known as S-3X has been known to relieve symptoms temporarily: unfortunately, S-3X can be extremely expensive and not easily pro- cured by members of the general public, including those with bitchface. Botox is also effective in relieving the symptoms of bitchface, though in some cases it causes one’s face to freeze in an even more hor- rifying expression. But just as quickly, the Fundamental As- sociation of Parents has rejected the vac- cine for bitchface. “Allowing our daughters to get vaccinated will make them desirable to men instead of scary. This vaccine will bp.blogspot.com promote promiscuity. We will not allow Kristen Stewart: Queen of Google our daughters to look like wanton scarlet Image “Bitchface” Search women.” 4 a tipoff fromsomeone the alreadytaintedcannon. reduces thereputationof This latestscandalfurther of interestitsrole. conflict direct in was that when itactedinmanner supreme leaderoftheSkule cannon wasevictedasthe from footballpractice. The Godiva MemorialBand could pick up the Lady TTC bus, intherain,sothatit a from passengers cannon has been accused of evicting paying incriminating itself.Inthepast,Skule difficult has it speaking. Although itmayalsobeafraidof object, inanimate an is it about itsdruguse,probablybecause,since unresponsive toinquestsandquestion crack cocaine.Ithasbeengenerally has beenrecentlycaughtonvideosmoking Services,” featuredsomeinterestingfeatures Kinect Creative for Ideas “Divergent titled their Kinect camera. Their E3 announcement, requirements andmandatoryintegrationwith sole highlightedthedailyinternetconnection con- the of appearances Previous One. Xbox highly-anticipated video game console, the their for ready initiatives new exciting some have they that today (E3) Expo tertainment The Iron Warrior got The Universityof Toronto’s Skulecannon Microsoft announcedattheEroticEn- Xbox Hopesto One Auto-Record Couch Help Quickies, U of T Skule Cannon Seen Smoking Crack CocaineSmoking The Tin TribunalATRONymous, 3A NOT-A-TRON i cantletyou k now u ofT‘Engineerig’ U TUBED “Your soul-less EICasksyou tostealhimasoul,whosesouldoyou steal?” l337 g4m3r Mr Godiva tha “Maybe someoneleftasoulintheoldoffice.” student t dave Wand Wangler, 1ADark Arts and usehimasahorcrux.” Sproket Sandra, 1Fixed Gear “I give him half my soul, “I give himhalfmysoul, with Long-Distance Relationships EngSoc fee has been raised by $5.00 to to $5.00 by $21.50. raised been has fee the EngSoc reason, this For video. this release to prove that: claiming tohaveincriminatingevidence One willbethere,watching. We’ve evenpro- on the couch instead of in the bedroom, Xbox it do and partner sexual your with up things “When youdecidethatwanttochange Experiences. Harmonious Casual Universal Online of Director Microsoft’s Peacock, ry Har gushed player’slife,” game video the in recording spontaneousandsensualmoments have foundintriguingandintimatewaysof connection of the Kinect to the Xbox One, we hitting not waittosharewithreportersfromthehard- share about the recording feature,and could in thelivingroom. encounters sexual of recording automatic as to improvenon-platonicrelationships,such • • • This tipster however wants six figures figures six wants however tipster This Microsoft representativeswereeagerto who of A-list mascots dealers thatserviceaveritablewho’s cocaine fromacrewof Toronto drug the lastsixmonths smoking crack cocaine, taken within cocaine Skule cannon purchased its crack Skule cannonpurchaseditscrack There isavideooftheSkulecannon The Skulecannonsmokescrack The Tin Soldier.“Duetotheconsistent “I’d forasoul.” goasktheECEdepartment “Look through thearchives forthetreasure Certified Certified Soul Hunter, 4Sure Fantasy Land WHAT HAVE IDONE,4EVA IW map tothelandoflostsouls.” - year overyear. 31.415% over risen has debt student neering The mostshockingofthese,wasthatengi- leased andhadanumberofsurprisingresults. week, the results of last year's survey were re- out their undergraduate careers. This past much debteachstudentiscarryingthrough- conducts adebtloadsurveytodeterminehow the playersface.” or iftherearedropsofsaltyliquidcovering like iftherearesoundsofincreasedbreathing stances where a player is squeezing the squid, Kinect, wehavetheabilitytomeasureforin- potential partner, soinournewversionofthe the pointwhereyoucanproperlypleasurea haven’tto Duty matured of Call or Halo play customer base.“We knowmostofyouwho offered bytheKinectthatcan appeal tothat features alternative some at hinted Peacock situations, these experience often not do ers pected, thisfeatureisturnedonbydefault.” “unnnh,” “ooh yeahh”and “not there.” As ex- phrases heardduringtheseencounters,like grammed thesystemtolistenforcommon faculty provided a few more details on what faculty providedafewmoredetailsonwhat [re- dacted] [redacted]decision." zeppelin [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] [redacted] mother a is ADD to DEBT also statedthat"appointingsomeonefrom faculty whowishedtoremainanonymous matter whatittakes." Another memberofthe root ofthisproblemassoonpossible,no Nomony statedthathe"hopestoworkthe Professor (ADD). Debt Dean, Associate of Trades (DEBT), to the newly-created position the newDepartmentofEngineeringBusiness of Nomony, Aigit Professor appointed ulty Every year, the Faculty of Engineering Engineering of Faculty the year, Every Acknowledging thefactthathardcoregam- A few days after Professor Nomony, the the Nomony, Professor after days few A Fac- the announcement, this to response In Attributed to Steam Sales Increase inStupid Debt HALF-LIFE 3CONFIRMED FUN FACT: ellenp nabe gewell a ge’s fa Pirate Pete, <3 Your Booty “The soulsofEICpast.” Forever Farzi, 4one4all faculty. featured andhaveasimilarresponsefromthe that thegame"LeagueofLegends"willbe are Rumors week. next released be will ment return investmentsinsteadofvideogames. ics courseandinvesttheirmoneyintohigh- students learn from their mandatory econom- at phallicobjects. Third, they recommend jump rope,skipping,andmakingloudnoises doing otherfunactivitiessuchashopscotch, dents spendmoreoftheirtimeoutsideand sales. Second,theyrecommendedthatstu- for students buying so many games during nections toSteamasapreventativemeasure con- all throttle extensively IST that mended recom- they First, problem. this fix to try to our students." sulted inadeadlycontagiononthewalletsof ‘gamers’ has increased as well. This has re- ber of engineers would consider themselves dents andtheresultsofthissurvey, thenum- stu- new both of From forms sales. AIF its of year Steamhasbeenincreasingthefrequency mony, inthisannouncementstatedthat"every No- Professor Steam. platform, game online tors, was video game purchases through the load increase. The largest ofthesecontribu- the keycontributorsweretowardsthisdebt out theirequipmentbeforerelease. opers andtheNSA manymorehourstotest upon launch,givingtheirplaytesters,devel- Cat.’” the Killed ‘Curiosity and Marathon’ Minute ‘Five get to excited really “I’m 69n00b. pion cham- Halo spilled achievements,” couple a me get Cortana to out one rubbing me of Live Xbox videos the hope “I Achievements. nominate thecreatorsofeachvideofor also can Players like. they videos for Points soles, wheretheirplayerscanassignGamer servers tobe“dissemenated”othercon- be automaticallyuploadedtoMicrosoft’s through theautomaticrecordingfeaturewill vourite movie is“The400blows” Results of a new survey on time manage- The facultymadeanumberofsuggestions Microsoft plans to incorporate this feature Microsoft planstoincorporatethisfeature generated videos that stated Peacock “Ellen Page” The TinSoldier The Iron Warrior Wednesday, july 24, 2013 Miscellaneous 9 Digital Image Capture Technology

the rather short attention span that audiences This is where the presently ubiquitous with CMOS image sensors included a large currently possess. For all this, we have to complementary metal oxide semiconduc- amount of electronic noise. CMOS technol- Krishna Iyer 3T Nanotechnology thank the ability to digitally capture and tor (CMOS) imager comes into play. The ogy has come a long way from then. store images (both stationary and moving). University of Waterloo has made a large im- In addition to these fundamental inven- Digital capture of images started with pact in the development of these. In 1969, tions of digital sensors, there has been a lot What the actual fridge? rather humble beginnings at AT&T Bell Dr. Savvas Chamberlain, a University of of secondary development. With the onset labs in 1969 (the same year man reached the Waterloo professor, proposed the idea of of cell phone cameras, there has been a With the advent of the digital age, the abil- moon). Charged Couple Devices (CCDs) integrating an amplifier and a photodetec- huge impetus to shrink cameras even fur- ity to produce and distribute quality content which form the older generation and better tor for every pixel of an image (thus coined ther. Initially, cameras had tiny electromag- has improved drastically. One large factor in performing image capture implementations an Active Pixel Sensor because it consumes netic actuators to move the lens to bring the this is the development of digital image cap- were initially invented as a memory storage power to amplify the signal). For several subject into focus. However, these compo- ture and processing. These days, actors and device. This idea went on to be first used years, this proved challenging to imple- nents caused electromagnetic interference other crew do not need to wait until the film for image capturing two years later and the ment due to the large variance present in the with other parts of the camera. Also, power is developed to see if their performance was inventors went on to receive a Nobel Prize metal oxide semiconductor (MOS) produc- and heat generation became important is- adequate or not. Re-takes have becomes vir- in Physics in 2009. Without getting into the tion technology. In the 1980s, the advent of sues to address. For this purpose, the next tually free due to the lack of any physical details, CCDs provide a good quality image the microprocessor led to a boom and sub- generation of camera modules used Micro- recording medium. Furthermore, user gen- with low noise due to their high quantum ef- sequent standardization of MOS technol- ElectroMechanical Systems (MEMS) based erated content has improved significantly in ficiency (ability to convert photons to elec- ogy in the form of CMOS (complementary systems to perform this function. However, quality. A low budget film has access to tools tronic signals). However, these CCD sen- metal oxide semiconductor). With the estab- with the advent of large megapixel count that weren’t available to the best directors sors are more expensive to manufacture due lishment of CMOS as a well-controlled and sensors on camera phones, there was a need ten-fifteen years ago. Consequently, movies to their relatively custom fabrication pro- stable process, the active pixel sensors built for larger optics. However, in order to make have become cheaper to make. One exam- cess and have problems transmitting high in the CMOS process flow became more a balanced compromise between perfor- ple of this is the horror movie “Paranormal quality (low noise) images rapidly because reliable, viable and economical. Since then, mance and size, Extended Depth of Field Activity” which was made on a budget the data is transmitted off of the chip in the CMOS has dominated the market of con- (EDoF) was invented. EDoF cameras use slightly more than the average engineering form of analog signals. sumer grade image capture. Initial problems an asymmetric lens to focus objects from co-op pay for four months (which went on varying distances onto the same sensor. Al- to make over $100 million in the box of- though this results in a jumbled bunch of fice). Still photography has also enjoyed a light on the sensors, smart electronics and massive growth of hobbyist photographers algorithms undo this into a well resolved that sometimes produce content comparable picture ultimately. to the best photographers (although very I am still amazed by all this development often, the dude with that Canon Rebel that in a camera module. The future of camera doesn’t know what DSLR stands for can be technology might lie in something like the fooled into falsely believing in the superior- light field camera by Lytro. I hope this was ity of his own talent). The vast amount of informative and the next time you make a entertainment we have to choose from is im- Vine, think about all the years of technology mensely gratifying and is often blamed for Left to right: CCD Sensors, CMOS Sensors and Light Field Sensors behind it. Being Better Donors

that, together, get the job done.” While the given to a community. Selections of items that reality. Free the Children has certainly zac young & intent is aimed in a sensible direction, it from a catalogue do not purchase a route taken steps in this direction with their aim James Ehrman 3A Environmental falls into contradiction with the means to out of poverty. A sudden burst of goats in a to be sustainable and push for ownership, 3A Nanotechnology create this change. local region gives one family wealth while however, it remains clear that their mission There have been decades of efforts direct- flooding the marketplace. A new school- has not departed from its founding roots; ed towards the theme of giving. Giving, in house needs not only competent teachers, that is, mobilizing North American youth This spring term, the Engineering Soci- the case of Free the Children, means “gifts” but also those who are accountable to their leaders to deliver materials that can “be the ety has been incredibly successful in pro- that help a community rise up from poverty pupils. The flow of water from a well only change.” moting their charitable program to purchase and gives them ownership. This intent is lasts as long as it can be kept operational. The development sector has many al- goats for rural Africans. It was so success- noble and is aimed to share the accumula- The reinforcing loops that have given Ca- ternative approaches using this solidarity ful that they have decided to put some tion of wealth in Canada and beyond. How- nadians our advantage will take away that concept that the Engineering Society and money toward other facets of the Adopt a ever, through review of the organization’s which we give as it has for decades past. It its donors may consider. For example, one Village program, which encompasses not annual reports, online resources, and news is these systems, the ones that enforce pov- development approach focuses on human only alternative income programs but also articles, there is no evidence presented oth- erty and sustain demand for philanthropy, rights, such as that of Oxfam Canada. They those for education, water access, and com- er than the volume of materials delivered to that must change. Billions of dollars have have put their focus into breaking the cycle munity health. Both initiatives are in sup- prove that change has been made. Poverty not yet proved the stimulus required to shift of poverty through women’s rights, charg- port of the popular Canadian, non-govern- has remained entrenched as a norm around the balance and many more billions certain- ing that no progress can be made in devel- mental organization, Free the Children. The the world and billions in external aid has ly cannot be expected to do any better. We opment until policies, laws and customs success of this fundraising goes a long way not proven to be the bottom line solution must reassess our failing models and find are changed. Another direction is through in highlighting the altruism and awareness this issue. What absolutely must be realized ways to make a real shift in the balances investment, chosen by groups such as Acu- of our engineering students. It is incredibly is that giving is not a means to an end; it that make extreme poverty as it is today. men and Kulemela Investments. They fo- important that the livelihood of others is is much more complex. These are issues Perhaps financial wealth is not the only cus on providing investments to important a concern that resides within us. After all, that no amount of goats, schools, hospitals, source of inequality and our burden in Can- social enterprises and agribusiness entre- aren’t engineers supposed to be making the or wells will fix alone. There is no single, ada is not just to redistribute what we have. preneurs, respectively, to provide the capi- world a better place? There must be a place unique solution to poverty, or at least none It is important to challenge the idea that tal required to develop income and services for this empathy beyond row-reductions, that have been found to date. It is time that “others” require our help at all. Africans that can drive progress internally. These derivatives, and optimization and clearly this is recognized, and the idea of easy fixes are fully capable of generating their own examples (and more) focus on affecting the Waterloo engineering community is to poverty be discarded. solutions to poverty. In fact, the most suc- the systems that underpin the cycle of pov- seeking this. On the largest scale, countries experienc- cessful instances of poverty reduction have erty in an effort to grow a more stable and However, best intentions do not neces- ing poverty are often subject to internation- stemmed from African solutions. To believe well-provided community from the basics sarily yield the best outcomes. In extending al market forces, which actively discourage that Africans are in need of our ideas to fix of economics. While their metrics may be empathy beyond applied sciences, it can development. The largest economies in the their countries places Africans in a position harder to assess, their missions more chal- be forgotten that the societal systems that world thrive based on trade protectionism of powerlessness and promotes Westerners lenging to articulate to donors, and their drive poverty are often more complex than and internal wealth generation. African to the position of saviours. This is clearly efforts spanning longer terms to succeed, the problems within engineering texts. The countries are often required by international evident in the voluntourism phenomenon, a these NGOs create change with dignity, not following is a critical reflection on Free the trade agreements to avoid economic prac- service Free the Children provides to some dependence. Children, as a relevant case study due to its tices that we know promote development of its members. If there is one thing rural In light of these arguments, the efforts selection by the Engineering Society for by the Western countries who provide aid. African villages do not lack, it is the capac- of the charity directors and donors should this term’s charity programs. A key example can be found in the agricul- ity to provide labour. It is absurd to think not be minimized. The point of promoting The Adopt a Village program embodies tural industry. Countries like Canada and that North Americans, many of whom are alternatives and criticizing decisions is to the model of Free the Children. Their mis- the U.S.A. provide monetary aid to African from cities and have never worked manual- encourage a spirit of iteration and improve- sion states that, “sustainability and commu- nations, while obligating them to purchase ly before, can provide any sort of effective ment. This is the spirit of the above NGOs; nity ownership is the goal of all of Free the Western exports. The effect is that rural Af- labour in this situation. Further, do we know to approach a messy topic with admittance Children’s Adopt a Village projects.” The ricans often end up eating American rice for certain that this approach can solve the that there is no answer or complete package pillars of the program include education, while their own plots produce rice, which problems of a people distinctly different that they can offer to “solve poverty.” In- clean water and sanitation, health, alterna- cannot meet the low prices of foreign, sub- than our own? Instead, stand in solidarity. stead, it is about taking challenging stances tive income and livelihood, and agriculture sidized grains, which of course means they Expect that Africans are able to solve their to push for a change in the status quo that and food security. These together comprise require more aid. own problems and use fact-based decision traditional methods may never be able to the organizational model, “many solutions Wealth must be derived internally and not making to discover the best way to support unlock. The Iron Warrior 10 Science and Technology wednesday, july 24, 2013 The Moto X and the Ideal Custom Phone

feels they want a new colour for their monetary differences as a primary factor likely not be the greatest concern. phone. Users are potentially going to be in their options or whether they want Looking at desktop computers Jacob Terry 3A Nanotechnology able to upload their default wallpaper one that does better video or takes nicer especially, it’s clear that there is a market when ordering so the phone comes photos, if functionality is their primary for people who desire complete control preinstalled with their preferred defaults. differentiator. The phone would then over every aspect of their device. Part T CUBED For iPhones, by the nature of the be a platform for these changes in their of the appeal for custom-built machines software and model, it makes more phones, allowing for a large support is that the user can build their own Google and its Motorola division are sense to offer a prefabricated phone community for the device that offers configuration of what they desire, and announcing the Moto X on August 1, with preset options that a user can easily technical help as well as functional it is theoretically cheaper because they which is Motorola’s first smartphone jump into and use. For Android phones, offerings for those who want to make can buy the parts without having to pay developed entirely since Google’s an extended Moto X model could work changes to how their phone works. for the service. There comes an inherent purchase of Motorola in 2011. Unlike well. Android users like custom features Many may cry foul at an attempt to risk involved that if you build it yourself, many typical announcements, the phone in their software, and would likely make customized phone parts, claiming you are your own customer service, but has been prone to seemingly intentional appreciate a well-made, reputable, build- it destroys the simplicity of marketing for some people that is an encouraging leaks, as it features prominently in yourself kind of phone that comes with smartphones today, since everyone proposition. The people who like their invitations for the event. Google customizable parts. RAM, storage space, rallies behind discrete phone models, yet custom desktops likely wouldn’t mind Chairman Eric Schmidt has also been camera quality, colour and screen size for the dedicated Android segment of the having something handheld that’s custom seen in public holding what appears to be could all be parts that are upgradable for a market that prefers to have customized in the same fashion. This desire to unlock the Moto X. As long rumoured, the phone user should they desire different features. devices, this could be a viable model for the capabilities of one’s device and its is expected to use a near-stock version of This model would follow how computers future smartphones. The rumoured Moto potential is something that drives many Android 4.2.2, satisfying many Android work now, where a laptop or desktop X is by no means as customizable, but people to install various distributions of users that prefer the version Google can be ordered with particular displays, it presents an interesting possibility for a Linux on their computers or to host home prepares without the cruft added by other processors, memory and accessories that device that carries features that are rare servers. As the oft-quoted book Drive by manufacturers. match the user’s taste. in the current smartphone industry. Daniel Pink suggests, mastery is one of One of the most interesting features The ideal version of this model, given Another argument against the model the key aspects of motivation for people, expected in the phone is its level of the restriction imposed by the form factor could be fragmentation, as one of the and an enthusiasts ability to master their customizability. Android is well-known of a smartphone, would allow for a single aspects of iPhone development that ability to build a computer that does and liked by those who enjoy changing overall layout with changeable features numerous developers find attractive is what they want is an objective that likely the features of their phone software, that conform to defined specifications. the ability to test on only a few devices motivates them to continue doing it. but this model is rarely applied to Much like the iPhone case industry to reach a desirable number of potential It may not be for everyone, and it may smartphone hardware. The Moto X is thrives off a standard form factor for users. In Android, much effort is not even be that viable as a business expected to move past allowing people to each phone model, this potential Android already being made to reduce developer model, but it’s hard to imagine that there just choose a storage size, opting to also phone could have defined component dependency on testing every potential is not a way to successfully sell a device allow for customization of the trim and sizes that the manufacturer or third- device by having developers prepare as a platform as opposed to as a unit, backplate colours. Colours in general are parties could abide by for upgrades. multiple scenarios and responsive particularly towards the market segment not much of a new thing, as you can get Many of the components inside the layouts when building their apps. that prefers paving their own road when other devices in multiple colours, but the device, such as memory and storage, Offering multiple speeds, cameras or it comes to technology. If the Moto X options theoretically offered by Motorola likely follow predefined sizes already, other potential options is something does what it is rumoured to and more will be more fine than other options which would make this model easier developers often have to consider for phones and tablets follow that route, currently available. The backplates to implement. The user would then be Android as it is, since not everyone uses there will assuredly be a niche carved for would be swappable as well by nature, free to pick whether they want the nicer the same phone, so offering multiple those enthusiasts to continue following so colours could change whenever a user camera or the cheaper one, if looking at configurations of the same phone would their passion. Current Maglev Reaches 500 km/h Speeds

Continued from HYPERLOOP on Page 8 would be that it would have to use an the world as the Japan’s bullet train, that at the forefront of high-speed transit; an extremely straight path between cities, as has been operational since 1964. Any train admirable move for a nation on a continent Musk decided to support an alternative any small turn at that speed could produce at the speeds offered by these vehicles known for its enthusiasm for suburbs and high-speed rail project to California’s enough force in the vehicle to make eschew wheels for magnetic levitation, as gas consumption by personal cars. It’s current project as California’s high-speed passengers feel queasy. wheels are a significant drain of energy encouraging that California is aiming to rail is expected to be one of the slowest Currently, the fastest high-speed train through the friction between the wheels build a high-speed rail system, as the transit and most expensive high-speed trains in in the world at 500 km/h is the L0 series and the rail bed. Maglev trains are able infrastructure in North America is sorely the world per mile. The Hyperloop, he train built by Mitsubishi and Nippon to speed up and slow down much more lacking. Being able to connect major cities claims, would be much cheaper to build, be Sharyo in Japan for the Chūō Shinkansen, easily than a wheeled train, since there is as separated as those in North America the fastest mode of transportation between a high-speed magnetic levitation (maglev) no physical object that needs to spun down would be good for making distant travel cities, and run entirely on solar power. line that will connect Nagoya, Osaka, and like a train wheel. a more palatable prospect for people and The major downside to implementing the Tokyo. The Chūō Shinkansen is part of the If the Hyperloop is as feasible as Musk fostering increased travel and community system, assuming it would be approved, greater Shinkansen line, known around suggests, it could put the United States between locations.

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POINT Should Video Games be Considered a Sport? COUNTERPOINT

Michael Laanvere ably the closest is the definition provided Caitlin McLaren specific mental skill stimulated and de- 3A Mechanical by SportsAccord. SportsAccord is an or- 1T Chemical veloped by games, save for one: ability at ganization for all the international sports the game itself. This is not a bad thing. It federations. They have 91 members, each In the last few years, video games is an exciting and enjoyable hobby. There Recently the United States government of which is a international federation have become a near-universal hobby. can be thrilling competitions. But it is not officially recognized League of Legends governing a unique sport. SportsAccord From easy, repetitive diversions played enough to call something a sport. players as professional athletes. U.S. Im- categorizes sports into five categories: on phones to e-sports such as League of Nevertheless, they are becoming wide- migration now allows gamers entering physical (e.g. rugby), mind (e.g. chess), Legends and StarCraft, games are enor- ly acknowledged as sports, by players, the States to use a P-1 visa. The P-1 visa motorised (e.g. F1 Racing), coordination mous industries, in which companies, companies, and the United States gov- is meant for professional athletes and al- (e.g. billiards), and animal-supported (e.g. professional and amateur players, and ernment. Is there a problem with this? lows them to stay in the United States for equestrian). I’m not going to be one of fans all participate in. And now, League Not per se- it is a widely enjoyed game, 5 years. The decisions came after a lengthy those guys who says, “Gaming is physi- of Legends players who wish to compete with huge tournaments bringing crowds back-and-forth between League of Leg- cal because you have to, like, move your in the United States are to be granted of thousands and viewers in the millions. ends developer Riot Games and U.S. Im- fingers and thumbs and stuff.” Sure there P1-A classification, allowing them to be If professional players are to be given migration until finally the government ac- are elements of dexterity, coordination, designated as internationally recognized athletes’ visas to play in competitions cepted Riot Games’ evidence. Now that the and endurance, but no more so than paint- athletes. Legally, this video game is con- abroad, so be it. It is only a legal desig- U.S. has officially recognized professional ing a portrait. I’ve played my fair share of sidered a sport. nation. gamers as athletes, effectively stating that League of Legends and I can say that it is Are video games sports? There are It is, however, problematic if people gaming is a professional sport, can Video more a game of concentration and strategy, many arguments, both in favour of and genuinely believe that sedentary ac- Gaming be considered a sport? and therefore should be categorized as a against this designation. As the word tivities are sports. For example, chess is Putting aside the fact that one of the mind sport. There are some elements of “sport” does not have a precise defini- similarly recognised as a sport. However, world’s most influential nations has recog- dexterity and coordination that can make tion, there are many people on opposite no chess player identifies themselves as nized gaming as a sport, my answer would a great player even greater, but that is not sides of the debate, and there seems to an athlete or a sports player. However, be a resounding erm...sort of? Technically? what makes it a sport. It’s very much a be no easy way to settle the question. To many people (although not my colleague I guess? Not the most confident or smartest mental sport, and if chess and bridge are some, video games are a waste of time; to in the point, who takes a moderate ap- thing to say in a debate I know, but the defi- recognized as sports by SportsAccord, others, they are a true passion. One thing proach) will passionately argue that their nition of a sport is vague, and differs from then why not gaming? seems to be fairly plain: the granting of video game hobby is a sport. They say person-to-person (hence this PCP), and The Olympics themselves traditionally visas to professional players is far too these things without truly considering various international organizations have only include physical sports, yet they rec- minor a point to argue over. With profes- what makes a sport- and it is not legal different definitions and often contradict ognise chess and bridge as sports through sional gamers, the question of a security designation. themselves in some cases. the Association of I.O.C. Recognised In- breach seems remote; gamers are not nor- League of Legends, StarCraft, and Let’s first look at what a professional ternational Sports Federations (ARISF). mally associated with espionage or ter- similar games are exactly that- games. sports is: a form of entertainment. The While we are on the topic of the Olym- rorism. Sports develop the body, as they have thing that makes professional athletes “pro- pics, they have some questionable sports However, the question asking if high- for centuries. Games develop the mind. fessional” is that they are getting paid. And too. I wouldn’t necessarily call shooting level players should be considered pro- Ideally, a balanced individual will par- they are getting paid with revenue accumu- a physical sport, though it requires a great fessional athletes is a somewhat differ- ticipate in both. If not, if someone’s tal- lated from spectators, sponsors, and broad- deal of coordination, and while rythmic ent matter. Firstly, there is almost always ents lie only in one direction or the other, casters. That is what makes professional gymnastics is physical, there are points a significant difference in the physical let them acknowledge that without em- sports a segment of the entertainment indus- that are awarded based on the athlete’s ability of a typical athlete and a gamer; barrassment. Someone who argues that try, an industry of which gaming, including costume and makeup. Equestrian is an- and furthermore, now that the law views games are good because they “really are professional gaming, is a key component. other questionable sport that belongs more sports and gaming as fundamentally a sport, if you think about it,” are grant- Let’s look at the similarities between pro- in the Horse Olympics than the Human identical, there may be some cause for ing sports an overly exalted position, fessional sports and professional gaming in Olympics, although I feel that the dres- confusion, though not necessarily con- rather than promoting games. Let games terms of entertainment value. Last year’s sage event wouldn’t make the cut to the cern. be valued for their own merits in a man- League of Legends World Championship Horse Olympics. Dressage is just the horse Athleticism is one of humanity’s most ner similar to chess, and not for some im- had 8.2 million unique viewers and a peak walking around an open field, occasion- ancient arts. The ancient Greek philoso- agined similarity to sports. concurrent viewership of 1.1 million peo- ally galloping a little! I didn’t want to pull phers believed that it was necessary for For it would seem that, for a long time, ple both on television and online. As Riot the, “If that’s a sport, then this is definitely a person to be fit in order to fulfill their professional athletes are considered he- Games e-sport VP Dustin Beck has said: a sport” card, but come on. If things like humanity; their athletes were as highly roes and role models, while gamers are “Our viewership numbers are stronger than chess, bridge, and dressage are all consid- lauded as today’s. However, these early seen as “nerds,” weak, and immature. 80 or 90 percent of the sports covered on ered sports, then why not gaming? It re- philosophers believed in balance above This is problematic. Healthy mind, ESPN. In Shanghai [All-Star event in May, quires just as much mental strength, argu- all: the ideal man was both an athlete and healthy body: both are equally important. 2013] we had 18 million unique viewers. ably more in some cases, and has a slightly a thinker. The Roman proverb, “Healthy Games deserve to be recognised. But not We are seeing growth over growth for larger physical component. mind, healthy body” summarizes this at- as sports. Professional gamers have skills every subsequent event that we do.” Also, The definition of a sport is hazy to say titude: Sports and mental agility are both developed over thousands of hours; their events usually bring in spectators in the the least. I like to think that there is a scale necessary and fundamentally related, but talents are celebrated by huge corporate tens of thousands. to whether or not an activity is a sport. I’d not identical. sponsors and millions of fans. Is it a just The spectators and broadcasting parts like to see someone try to argue that hock- No one would question that gaming recognition of their dedication and gifts are there but what about the money? This ey isn’t a sport, but activities like eques- requires many mental skills: quick think- to say “They are the same as football year’s League of Legends World Champi- trian or billiards can be argued both ways. ing, good reflexes, planning and puzzle- players and basketball stars?” They are onship is taking place in the Staples Centre Some sports are just more...sporty than solving ability, and much more. These are not the same. They have a completely in L.A. and will have a prize pool of $8 mil- others. Which brings me back to my weak important, and I will not deny it. These different skill set that should be praised lion, with the winners taking $1 million of answer to the question “Can Video Gam- are skills that everyone should have. for what it is, not for what it compares to. it. On top of the prize money competitors ing be considered a sport?”, which was: Nevertheless, these skills are equally im- Let League of Legends be respected for will also be looking for sponsors. Current- sort of. Technically. I guess. Professional portant to and equally developed by more what it is. Video games are not sports. ly sponsorship in gaming is growing, with gaming should be considered a sport, it’s traditional sports such as basketball, foot- They are games. Games are fantastic. top teams looking for 7-figure deals. Some just very low on the “sporty” scale. ball, or fencing. There is no other, more They don’t need to be anything else. of the best gamers have annual salaries of around $100,000. And though typically the sponsors are tech and gaming compa- iXpress Changes Coming in September nies, just recently Adidas has sponsored a Danish e-sports team: the Copenhagen Continued from ION on Page 1 be staying the same, but the 201 Fischer- University, then connecting to Conestoga Wolves. Adidas will be producing all the Hallman iXpress is being permanently Mall from the east. This route will be good merchandise and apparel for the team. The stop will be the same, but the sta- moved onto Columbia Street from Uni- for accessing uWaterloo, Laurier, Cones- So professional sports and professional tion will connect the GO train, VIA, versity Avenue. As well, instead of going toga College’s Waterloo campus and RIM gaming both have spectators, broadcast- Grand River Transit, intercity services to Laurier, it will continue from Columbia Park. Both of these route changes will go ing, sponsorship, and merchandise but like Greyhound, making it more conveni- / Hagey to King, then to Conestoga Mall. into effect on September 2 this year. does the fact that they are both similar en- ent than the currently separated Charles This may seem like unnecessary overlap As always, there are exciting new tertainment sectors mean that professional Street Terminal and Kitchener railway with the 200 iXpress between uWaterloo changes for Waterloo’s transit system, gamers are the same as professional ath- station. and Conestoga Mall, but the ION will be and now we have a name and a vehicle letes? Well, we certainly took care of the In preparation for getting supporting eventually replacing that route and the to keep our interest until 2017. Most of “professional” part but let’s look at the routes ready for the ION, the iXpress 201 will be better servicing those who us will be gone by then, but the improve- “athlete” part. routes are being modified to better align live on Columbia. The new 202 Univer- ment will be greatly welcomed by future As I said before there is no universally with the future vision of the service, as sity iXpress will connect The Boardwalk students and those who live in Waterloo agreed definition of what a sport is. Prob- announced this past May. The 200 will to Conestoga Mall by going on Erb, then for years to come. Page 1 of 1 The Iron Warrior 12 Life wednesday, july 24, 2013 The Science of Attraction: The Importance of Kissing

Lillian place a great deal of importance on the science can be learned on your own, no where there is less pressure for the other pheremones first kiss and use frequency and quality of human interaction required. Luckily to person who might be undecided about file:///C:/Iron%20Warrior/Common%20Graphics/Header%20Icons/noun_project_4214.svg 10/8/2012 kisses to judge the status of the relationship prevent you from crashing and burning how much they like you and how they like In Hollywood movies everything forever after. Scientific research seems to in either situation, the internet has your you. Start out by simply brushing your lips culminates in a kiss. Tension builds suggest that kissing is a way to seduce and back. A Google search of ‘kissing’ or ‘first against theirs. (Eye contact can help with through the movie until finally it is released assess your potential mate. In a culture kiss’ bring up plenty of articles, including aiming your kiss.) Further kissing will be torrentially in some fantastic romantic where many people have large personal WikiHow articles (with pictures!) which decided by the moment, techniques for scene. We seem to gain satisfaction when bubbles and mask their natural scents with are fairly useful. They raise some good which can be found online. Interestingly, those two people, often the ones you have perfumes and deodorants, a kiss is the points in addition to providing step-by-step about two out of every three people turn been rooting for all along finally become first point of physical contact. Without us instructions. Primarily, one should note their heads to the right when kissing, so passionately lip locked. Bond is well realizing it, our bodies compare the other that physical intimacy is a two-way street. you have a higher chance of not bumping known for his romancing ways; his movies persons’ immune system and other genetic Before going in for the kiss, you need to noses if you turn your head to the right. often end with him smooching in some life traits to our own, subtly testing our genetic break the ‘touch barrier’ by holding hands, Who knows, they might have researched raft or other similarly hidden escape. So compatibility. Furthermore, kissing has putting an arm around the other person, or kissing statistics too! what is so great about kissing? What makes been found to transfer testosterone from perhaps brushing their hair out of their eyes. Kissing is not as simple as one might us desire it so much? How did we evolve men to their partners, which generally Start small and pay attention to the other believe. Like anything, it is the product of to desire this form of physical contact so increases their partners’ arousal. person. If you are comfortably maintaining much practice and some good luck. Some much? How you go about getting this first eye contact, then you may be safe to kiss people make it seem effortless while others That first kiss can be a deal breaker for a kiss is not rocket science, but to some it the other person. Even so, give them lots of can experience endless awkwardness. Best potential relationship. Women, in particular, probably feels pretty close. At least rocket chances to say no. Seek out a private spot, of luck in your endeavours of the heart. A Highly Variable Fudge Recipe

Use one cup of cream, two cups of the The second sugar helps prevent large piece of candy is chewy but soft, the fudge main sugar, and about half a cup of another crystals from forming, as its makeup is is ready. Pour the mixture into a greased Caitlin mclaren 1T chemical kind of sugar. You can use whipped cream, slightly different from that of the brown bowl (Don’t scrape the bowl: it will en- or half-and-half. Do not use fake cream, sugar, and keeps the mixture from becom- courage crystals to form, which will make because that is ridiculous and will taste like ing too homogenous. your fudge hard), and vigorously stir in a highly variable X recipe rubbish. You also need to use brown sugar Put all of the above ingredients into a your flavourings. Use vanilla if you want a for the main sugar; frying pan. Turn fairly simple, generic fudge. There are, of The world is burning. You surf on the white sugar might on medium heat, course, an infinite number of flavours you heat wave, convinced that those dark, work, but it will and stir until it could try. Add in some of your favourite winged shapes above you are not geese, behave badly in the boils. Once it candy (unless they are Skittles; that will go but vultures. There is no way you are go- pan and might ruin boils, stop stir- very badly indeed). Nuts and little bits of ing within a mile of the oven. This puts you the fudge. Your ring! Keep boil- dry fruit are also good. in a rather difficult position. You still need other sugar can ing until the mix- Stir until the fudge is no longer shiny. brain food. Glucose, even. Whatever shall be honey, maple ture reaches 238 No, I am not crazy: it will be quite shiny, you do? syrup, white sugar, °C. If you don’t but a little stirring will fix that. Well, a lot You can make fudge. It isn’t too diffi- chocolate chips, have a convenient of stirring. Pour it into a pan lined with cult- you barely have to touch it, and it’s guava… you get way of measuring parchment paper and let it cool. delicious. All you need is cream, sugars the drift. Don’t use this, you can use Share it with your friends; if it fails, share (yes, more than one), and butter. Use any table syrup, because that is not sugar but a a glass of water: drop small spoonfuls of it with your enemies. Don’t eat too much. flavourings you want. mixture of fructose and hopelessness. fudge into the glass. When the resulting I mean it. It will be tempting. Be strong. The Iron Warrior Wednesday, july 24, 2013 Miscellaneous 13 What a Counselling Appointment is and is Not

tive emotions or energy in your life—how you need to speak to a physician (e.g., at nisms in times of stress, and a counsellor to redirect your energy into a more posi- Health Services) or a psychiatrist if you may give you strategies and suggestions anjali gopal 3t nanotechnology tive and healthy outlet. These may not be need prescriptions for medication. Never- on time management if you’re struggling instantaneous results, but with diligence, theless, seeing a counsellor is a great first academically. It’s important to see coun- they are achievable. step at understanding your mental health, selling as a tool that can teach you how engineering wellness A counsellor will not tell you what to and counsellors can also make referrals to to deal with tough situations more effec- do. There have been countless times when a physician or psychologist if you think tively. It’s not a magic button that can fix A recurring theme in this year’s En- I’ve gone into a counselling appointment you exhibit symptoms of a mental illness. your life. gineering Wellness column has been the with the expectation that a counsellor will A counsellor will be able to assist A counsellor can leave you feeling em- suggestion to go and book a counselling tell me the best decision, or best course of you in groups. If you need relationship powered and inspired. Counselling is all appointment. I started seeing counsellors action, in a conflict. Let me vehemently counselling with friends, family, or a sig- about improving problem solving strate- at Waterloo this year, and I am a huge ad- state that most counsellors will not do nificant other, a counsellor will be able to gies. There have been many times when vocate of the service for many reasons: this. As stated above, they may guide meet with you in a group setting. In such I’ve gone into a counselling appointment it’s helpful, it’s confidential, and it’s free. you in your decision making process, and situations, and especially if you have been feeling very confused or quite hopeless That being said, many students may still they may make you aware of the biases seeing your counsellor for an extended about a situation. However, a counsellor not know what you may be able to achieve you have when making a decision, but period of time, your counsellor may first may give you many perspectives that you with a counsellor. Therefore, this article ultimately, you will have the final say. take you aside to determine what he or might not have considered, and may give will tell you what a counselling appoint- This is for two reasons: first, a counsel- she is allowed to reveal to the rest of the you tools and techniques to deal with dif- ment is…and isn’t. lor may not want to be held responsible group, and to determine if you are truly ficult situations. However, the key is to A counsellor will help you clarify your for the decision you make; and second, comfortable with the other members at- remember that you, as the client, must thoughts, feelings, and emotions. The part of counselling is to help you achieve tending the appointment. Nevertheless, be willing to put in work too. I initially number one benefit of going to counsel- independence and responsibility in your these appointments may be helpful if started going to counselling appointments ling appointments is the process of figur- life. As my counsellor is fond of saying, you require a third-party mediator who is with the expectations that I would simply ing out what you may be feeling or think- the goal of counselling appointments is to looking out for you, and your family or talk my feelings out, but now, I take a pen ing, and receiving guidance on why you make you ready for the day when you no friends’, best interests. and a book with me to write down any may be thinking or feeling a certain way. longer need a counsellor. A counsellor won’t make your prob- suggestions my counsellor may have to Such introspection may seem strange at A counsellor won’t clinically di- lems disappear. Whether you’re strug- offer. Increasing your coping mechanisms first, but if you’re struggling with feelings agnose you with a mental illness. Most gling with academics or your personal is like building stamina — it’s not enough you can’t explain or control, or unwanted counsellors won’t clinically diagnose you life, it’s important to realize that counsel- to do it once. You have to do it continu- thoughts, a counsellor can help you gently with a mental illness. If you think you’re ling is not a quick-fix to daily problems. A ously, and with conscious effort. And a probe them to achieve clarity into a dif- suffering from depression, anxiety, or counsellor is not the person who will bail counselling appointment may give you ficult situation. A counsellor can also give other mental illnesses, you would need you out of that assignment due tomorrow. the motivation you need to get started! guidance on how to restructure thoughts to speak to a psychologist or a physician. Nor can a counsellor really make your To book a counselling appointment, or feelings, how to understand our biases There are some psychologists at Needles stress, or bad mood, go away. However, visit Needles Hall, Room 2080, or Room making decisions or looking at a situation, Hall and Health Services who can diag- a counsellor can give you strategies or 1320 in CPH (the First Year Undergradu- and—especially if you have a lot of nega- nose mental health illnesses. However, resources to increase your coping mecha- ate Office). Save the Supers, PoPS, Bravest Warriors

The second “super” show I’m review- tion of alien civilizations. While this is a about Chris’ future and the disappearance Nachiket ing is titled Platoon of Power Squadron cartoon show, it is by no means for kids, of the gang’s parents (who had their own Sherlekar (PoPS), which has completed six epi- as adult themes and sexual innuendo is hero squad, the “Courageous Battlers”) 2B Nanotechnology sodes, each running for about thirty min- thrown around quite a bit. The four heroes will keep you engaged. utes. PoPS has quite the cult following, battle evil with their emotions, in addition And so we come to the end of this is- Tube in to this and the seventh episode of this incredibly to using their pimped out spacesuits. The sue’s review. But isn’t this the last issue of well written show was released this past crazy storyline and strange characters are the term? Yes, yes it is! So is TitT still go- Wow guys. It’s been a crazy few weeks. Sunday. PoPS traces the shenanigans of what make this show. An Emotion Lord ing to be a thing in the fall? I don’t know, I’m sure you noticed my absence from the four individuals, Jonas, Virginia, Donald, (who claims to be Chris from the future) guys! I’ve had a blast writing this column, last issue of this prestigious publication. I and Sebastian, who share an apartment appears often, and ends up giving more and it’s helped me justify my unhealthy had just got back from Hawaii and wasn’t and all have unique superpowers. Though trouble than help through his powerful consumption of YouTube videos, but I really in a position to write anything. I had all of them are aware of their incredible abilities. Smaller characters like Catbug might take a break for a while and write got into a standoff with a drug lord and abilities, only Donald (played by Craig and Impossibear have their own fan fol- about other stuff. I know this is harsh news then I had to rescue a family of drown- Benzine aka Wheezy Waiter), who can lowing, especially Catbug because of his for you all to take in, but trust me: I’ll be ing elephants and a bunch of other stuff conjure lightning from his fingertips, is adorable cuteness. Unanswered questions back. Until then, Stay Tubed and DFTBA! happened involving volcanoes and a killer eager to explore them and use them to whale but I’m sure you’re not interested; help people. Jonas, who can read minds you’re hungry for MOAR YOUTUBEZ and control people’s thoughts, prefers to Despicable Bananas right? Right. not use them at all, presumably because of The theme for this week’s TitT is su- dark past experiences with them. Virginia for Dreamworks films, with bright, col- perheroes! Who doesn’t like a good story has the power (or “skill” as she would like ourful environments, and the minions re- Joshua Kalpin where villains are brought to justice and to call it) to stop time and teleport, but is 2B Software ally stand out as adorable yet mischievous the good guy/girl gets the guy/girl of his/ focused on finding a way to get rid of her looking. The banana also looks quite deli- her dreams, while simultaneously having powers altogether. Sebastian can make cious and it is understandable why a hun- a few laughs? Save the Supers is an en- multiples of herself but ends up with the The Short Short Review gry minion would be chasing after it. tertaining web show that explores what a cloning blues, with her duplicates rebel- Moving onto sound, the film does a league of superheroes goes through when ling and taking on identities of their own. Hello readers and welcome to the last stellar job of combing both sound effects faced with a budget crisis. The show is the PoPS’ storyline progresses slowly for a edition of the Short Short Review of the and soundtrack to produce a great over- brainchild of Sandeep Parikh, who plays web series, but has great character arcs term! This will also be the last edition for a all sound. The soundtrack is fitting of the the character “Merman” (and stars as Za- and development. It also has an engaging, little bit as I’m putting the column on hia- whimsical mood of the film and the sound boo in The Guild), and it documents the suspenseful soundtrack that goes amaz- tus for the upcoming co-op term. But just effects really show off the emotions of the activities of “The Super Force” as they ingly with the smooth panning shots and as a refresher, in this column, I attempt to minions. deal with unconventional super-villains, time-stop scenes. PoPS is the perfect ex- review a short film or story in a really short Overall, Banana is a hilarious short film an illicit super-baby experiment and their ample of an indie project: the script, vid- number of words. This week, in honour of featuring the lovable minions from Des- own out-of-proportion egos, in a style eography, VFX, soundtrack and all other Despicable Me 2, I’ll be reviewing the picable Me. If you like the films or just inspired by The Office. The show pokes aspects of the production are done by a Despicable Me short film Banana in 312 want some entertainment it is definitely fun at standard tropes used in superhero small group of dedicated people, and the words. worth the watch. I’m going to give it four franchises, with the characters parodying hard work that goes in clearly shows in Banana features Despicable Me’s ador- minions and a banana. That’s it for now, well-known superheroes. Though low- the quality of the episodes. able yellow creatures, the minions. This stay tuned for the return of the column in budget, the show has managed to pull off The final web series for this issue (which film features one minion who is working the future! amazing sets and costumes, and the spe- is the LAST ISSUE guys! I know, I’m sad on something and then decides to have a cial effects aren’t half bad. The comedic too) is a wacky cartoon show titled Brav- banana for a snack. It turns out that ba- style, while immature, is still mostly clev- est Warriors, that airs on the YouTube nanas seem to be a highly prized object er. Max Bird-Ridnell’s character Night channel “Cartoon Hangover.” Bravest to minions and chaos ensues. The story is Knight is a joy to watch for his dark hu- Warriors was created by the same man funny, especially to someone who has seen mour and dramatic persona. Jordan Black responsible for Adventure Time existing the original Despicable Me film. There is (Dean Spreck on Community) as Fleet in this world, Pendleton Ward. It follows virtually no dialogue outside of “banana” Foot is also a blast. Hopefully the show four space-travelling teenagers, Chris, and another word right at the end, but it gets the views and the momentum to push Beth, Danny and Wallow as they travel takes away nothing from the story. it to a second season. the universe helping prevent the destruc- The animation is up the usual standards Universal Pictures The Iron Warrior 14 Humour and Satire wednesday, july 24, 2013 xkcd 693 — Children’s Fantasy

DEADDDDDD Stardust (2007) queen who would like her son's attention If you can ignore that, well Prince Poor Tristan Thorne (Charlie Cox) all to herself, so she tricks Giselle into Nancy Hui 3N Civil Caspian's (Ben Barnes) whole rise to of the village of Wall is besotted by a falling down a portal into the streets power is only a backdrop to the issue of spoiled local girl (Sienna Miller) who of live-action New York, selected by Aslan. Is your tolerance of CS Lewis's demands that he bring him a fallen star Narissa as she deems it to be the place TAKE FIVE Christian allegory higher than average? in return for her hand in marriage. But farthest from the boundless joy and Or do questions of faith-as-Lion-voiced- when he treks to the crater, he finds that laughter of Andalasia. Her optimism A young person goes through a portal by-Liam-Neeson bore you? star takes the form of a woman, Yvaine is very much out of place in the Big into a mysterious fantasy world. They For the record, I am fond of both (Claire Danes). Tristan is undeterred, Apple, but it is infectious. I think this have some adventures, they save the The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe chains Yvaine, and they begin walking movie might be a parody but it's hard world, they fall in love, and then it is and Prince Caspian. The layers of back to Wall. It's not that easy, due to the to tell because of how much it cares time to go home. complexity added by irregular temporal Stormhold succession crisis, and witch about obtaining happy endings for the It is sometimes very difficult for some flow between alternate universes (Michelle Pfeiffer) hunting Yvaine so deserving characters. of these heroes to go home after their and Jesus metaphors were welcome she can eat her heart and regain eternal Any enjoyment of this movie must experiences. To return to death, taxes, – otherwise the struggles of Prince youth. In the words of the late great begin with whole-hearted acceptance of and public transit! To never swing a Caspian would have been dreadfully Roger Ebert, "Tristan's quest to win the charms of Amy Adams. It's not hard sword again, or never experience indoor straightforward and far too cheerful. Victoria's heart is upstaged by everybody because she's delightful in the ways that plumbing, Reeses Pieces, or whatever else's quest to eat Yvaine's." she warps reality with her light-up smile. wonder is not to be found in your own Timeline (2003) Stardust is so frickin sweet and quirky. You'd have to be more coldhearted than home! To be torn between obligations! A team of archaeologists (Frances It reminds me of The Princess Bride – in a New York divorce lawyer not to smile To be or not to be in this alternate O'Connor, Ethan Embry, Rossif some ways better, in some ways worse. just a little at her search for home and universe, t'is the question! Sutherland, and Gerard Butler) is Stardust has more distinct entities with true love. Here's five movies about people with excavating a village in France that was competing motivations, but is also less varying degrees of reluctance about destroyed during the Hundred Years burdened by traditional plot sequences, E.T. (1982) going home. War. Their employer is ITC Corporation, or its own cleverness. Yvaine is not a E.T. the extraterrestrial crash is which dabbles in time travel and fatality useless maiden like Princess Buttercup. stranded on Earth when his brethren The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince cover-ups. However, their dig unveils a But The Princess Bride has more flee the Men in Black. Despite his Caspian (2008) plea for help from their absentee head memorable characters (except that wet frightening, football-shaped head and After having spent decades as the archaeologist (Billy Connolly) written blanket of a princess). The Princess Bride wrinkly appearance, he befriends a local rulers of Narnia following the events of on a 600 year old piece of parchment. is less dependent on deus ex machine. boy named Elliott (Henry Thomas), and The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe, Thus, the archeologists travel back Perhaps the internet is to blame here, but implores his assistance in building a the Pevensies (William Moseley, Anna in time to try and rescue him without I think I prefer Stardust because it feels device to "phone home" using a Speak Popplewell, Skander Keynes, and changing the course of history. so much fresher – not only the content, & Spell. But the meddling adults keep Georgie Henley) are none too thrilled to This movie hits a lot of my buttons. but the atmosphere. When watching this hunting the homesick alien and E.T.'s be stuck in WWII-Britain amongst their I like temporal paradoxen, revenge movie I felt like I was walking through a health declines, making it clear that E.T. comparatively immature peers. So they conducted by disgruntled employees, dewy moonlit forest. needs to go home. would be glad to return to Narnia to solve and the idea that your DNA disintegrates I also want to run my fingers through Oh, Mr. Spielberg. Other directors use a succession crisis a millennia after their if you time travel too much. I also like Tristan Thorne's luscious hair, but that's things like Amy Adams, fancy wigs, or apparent departure, after everyone they movies set before the 1700s that aren't irrelevant. teenage lurve triangles to win our hearts knew has died, right? Right? about famous historical figures, so as long and make us cry. But to do it with a See, when you're in Narnia no time as filmmakers retain an Americentric Enchanted (2007) scary looking puppet and a potentially passes in the "real" world. But in the view on history then there isn't much to Giselle (Amy Adams) is a princess of annoying child actor? Good job. To make "real" world, any amount of time can choose from. Thus I was able to ignore the animated land of Andalasia. As befits us empathize with alien and child alike, pass in Narnia. And the nightmare of and embrace minor plot conundrums her rank, she sings, she dances, and through Halloween, the experience adult having half your world lost like that like "This is not a sustainable business she frolics through meadows with her oversight, and poor driving skills? And really taints the wholesomeness that strategy" and "Sending seven people to talking animal friends while awaiting to tell the entire story through the eyes of Prince Caspian tries to evoke. Evil rescue one old dude is a decision made her marriage to Prince Edward (James aforementioned alien and child? Genius. despot of an uncle? Dwarves? Who with poor risk assessment" and "Welp of Marsden). Narissa (Susan Sarandon), Awarding you the U.N. Peace Medal for cares? EVERYONE THEY LOVE IS course they have to fall in love." her future mother in law, is a murderous that might have been overkill, though.

Walt Disney Pictures scenicreflections.com fanart.tv Walt Disney Pictures Universal Pictures Left to right; The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, Timeline, Stardust, Enchanted and E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial The Baron's Wildberry Lemonade

Next up, we have Seagram's Classic Alright, now for a special treat: the can't remember the details. GRAEMe scott, Lemonade. It's also made by Brick, Brick Wildberry Turbo! This is a drink We're reviewing the Red, Whites, and eric evenchick, but it's named in honour of the historic we just invented, so it's going to be great. Brews Amarone. We ran out of wine derek thompson Britter 4th Years Seagram Company. In 1857, a distillery It's important that you get the ratios glasses, so we're using mugs. We ran out was founded in Waterloo, Ontario. Joseph just right: 1 part Seagram's Original of mugs, so Eric is drinking wine out Getting good head E. Seagram became a partner in 1869 and Wildberry to 1 part Red Baron. This stuff of a BOAT Racing glass. Classy. Derek sole owner in 1883, and the company tastes like fruity beer, without lowering pours the wine through an aerator. This Dearest loyal reader(s), became known as Joseph E. Seagram & the alcohol content. It's very tasty, and device adds air to the wine to make It has come time to write our final Sons. This stuff tastes like lemonade but we've decided to call it "Poor Man's it taste better. It also sounds like this: article of this term, and that can only apparently has alcohol in it. We looked Fruli." Graeme says he would drink a "kshshshshshshshshsh". We tried pairing mean one thing: drink whatever we hard for the alcohol, but couldn't find whole tankard of it and still want more. the wine with some foods, but it didn't have in the fridge. Fortunately, we it. That is, until it snuck up on us and 3.nine / 5 Surly Bartenders. go well with chips and salsa, or a fritter have a wide array of random alcoholic got us drunk with its 5% alcohol. Damn At this point we just drank the from the C&D. At that point, we ran out beverages that we will be enjoying in sneaky alcohol. Perfect booze for people Turbo until we ran out of the Original food. The Amarone is a solid, cheap, rapid succession. So hold on to your who don't like booze. 3.234 / 5 Surly Wildberry. brew-your-own wine and gets 4.173 / 5 proverbial hats, because this one's going Bartenders, but your friends can call you So far, we've been drinking exclusively Surly Bartenders. [Redacted]. to be a whirlwind adventure, not some a sissy for drinking it. Brick beers, coolers, and a combination At this point, Graeme exclaimed "I'm piddly boy scout camp. Moving on, let’s try Seagram's of beers and coolers. Now, it's wine responsible! I'm not leaving wine open!" Our first drink:Red Baron. It's the beer Original Wildberry. This continues time (again)! In case you missed it, That meant we had to drink the whole that you can get in POETS on Fridays. the trend of alcohol that doesn't taste we did a whole article on wine (Drink bottle. Brewed by the good folks at the Brick like alcohol. According to the can, it is Wine, [redacted] [redacted]). Well, we're Well, it's come time to call it a night, Brewery in Waterloo, it's absolutely precisely "100% Refreshing." It tastes bringing the [redacting] wine back out and a term. In the unlikely event that you average for a beer, and since beer is good, like berry soda. It's sweet, doesn't taste for our last article. Since then, Derek and actually read this article, congratulations; that makes it good. But not really. Derek like liquor, and goes down smoother Graeme took Wine 101 with Bill from you have nothing good to do with your thinks that it has a light taste of burnt than a porn star's lower back, but we Kickoff (ie. the Surly Bartender). This time. In our next series, we will make hair, but oh well. Average = 2.50000 / like the lemonade better. 3.123 / 5 Surly would have made them experts on wine, a fake cannon, and find a way to drink 5.00000 Surly Bartenders. Bartenders. but unfortunately they got too drunk and from it (that's kind of our thing). The Iron Warrior Wednesday, july 24, 2013 Humour and Satire 15 Top Ways to a Better You

like a Texan: stockpile the guns. Spend all 140-character messages that show people than that in the most successful films in wade wilson & of your efforts on working out your arms. how progressive you are. Over the years, box office history. edward blake If you want to be an Obama and get your numerous social injustices from child- 4Z handsomeness guns the loser way, you can toil away with soldiers in Uganda to marriage inequality Hate People this Jim dork everyone talks about (#JTL). to racial profiling have been squashed by Hating things may make you cool, but TOPZ (WITH A Z) But if you want to get guns like a winner, self-righteous status updates and profile- you shouldn't settle for anything less the secret is science: synthol is a short pic-pontification. What's important is that than being ice cold. The easiest way to Self-improvement is like sex: constantly cut to instant awesome. We'd say more you know the right opinions to let people rise above people is to throw them down sought-after, unpleasant, leaves you in but perhaps it's best to let synthol images know you're an individual free-thinker, to the dirt, such that they might be your tears, but most importantly, it sells. This speak for themselves: you're one image just like your peers. These include, but stepping stones to being way more fresher is why we're jumping on the bandwagon search away from jealousy, one Amazon are not limited to, spreading the good than your current disgusting, useless and teaching you how to be less of a search away from being fresh to death, news that you think people are idiots for self. It is infinitely easier to criticize disappointment to your older brother and one injection away from acquiring believing in god, calling out America on and belittle other people's beliefs than Sean! Most people only realize how much sclerosing lipogranuloma to death. literally being Nazi Germany, espousing to try and develop some of your own. they hate themselves around middle-age, your informed expert opinion on verdicts Cynicism is a faster short-cut to appearing but we're here to tell you that you should Enjoy the Finer Things in Life whose legal proceedings you didn't bother more intelligent than you are than a be disappointed in the direction and futility Synthol isn't the only alcoholic lesson following, talking about how much you British accent (we're looking at you, of your life today! But how do you make in our little school for cool: ethanol is hate Justin Bieber, and birthday wishes. BBC's Sherlock. Seriously, Irene Adler's yourself better? That's easy, ya dingus! another alcoholic lesson in our little Also, it is imperative that you hop on password seemed like they ripped the idea You make people around you think that school for cool. Everything worth liking every bandwagon, as it will also help with off of YA fan fiction). If you always assert you're cool and happy. After all, your is only worth liking if most people dislike your exercise. to believe in nothing and hate all those peers are constantly thinking about you, it. That way, you can act cool for having around you, you can never be taken down judging your every word, move, and tweet a refined pallet. Some examples include Hate Pop Culture a peg because you will already be sitting (in fact, they're probably judging you right dry wine, pungent cheese, and sadism. Of Pop culture can be reasonably described smugly on the bottom rung. now for reading a trash rag like The Iron course, it isn't enough to like something as ideas and creative works which brings Warrior… loser). So if you're interested in and keep it to yourself; what would be together people separated by miles, decades, Hate Everything being as cool and handsome as two men the point? No, what's critical is that you and glory holes (#shitfarzitaughtus). This This point should really be self-evident, in tight shirts and wavy hair, read on you let everyone know how much you like is why it is essential that you hate pop you pleb. pathetic loser, read on. these things even if you don't. Because, culture, to establish that you are above The great Oscar Wilde once said that while it takes a while to acquire a taste these people: you are cultured, sans pop. everything in the world is about sex, except Treat Your Body like a Temple for the bitter and moldy, the sweetness Of course, establishing your culture cred for sex itself (sex being about power). Entertain frequent visitors, burn smoke of showing off your sophistication is as can take a while. Difficult: finding sincere Similarly, while many of the undertakings (#420blunts) and sacrifice fatty animals easy to swallow as semen, especially if personal interests, such as music which of youth are in the name of improving one's into it. The first thing that people see when you squeeze your thumb (#pornstartricks really resonates with you. Easy: hating on self, the actual drive of self-improvement they meet you is your body: and if you #shitfarzitaughtus). The easiest way to do J-Biebs. After all, there is nothing more is really not about making yourself better aren't lumpin' fresh they won't be jealous this is to spam pictures on Facebook and detestable than categorically subscribing than you were: it's about making yourself of you and therefore you will be the Twitter with nonchalant comments like to music, television, and movies just superior to those around you. So take jealous Julie eating jelly doughnuts all by "just another dinner." because it has been vetted by hoi polloi. our advice and don't waste your time herself again. All the greats will tell you This lack of critical, independent thinking trying to improve yourself, because that's how much they focus on a healthy diet, Be Progressive is so vile, that we recommend doing the hard and hard things are a pain the ass meditation, and sacrifice. This is great Social media has often been criticized exact opposite by categorically hating such (#shitfarzitaughtus). No, what's much less advice: it simultaneously makes people as a platform for young people to isolate things. The exception, of course, is things effortful is thinking less of your peers and think you're awesome and sets your themselves from their peers, but we which masses embraced decades before making pithy, passive-aggressive displays competitors on a path to loserdom. All believe that it is a powerful tool for you were born. Feel free to rave about of physical, intellectual, and social that's important is that you look good in reaching unprecedented masses with Casablanca, Citizen Kane, and Gone With dominance. It's far easier to stand atop a t-shirts, so if you want to start sextin' make rally-calls to overthrow dictators and the Wind: no interest is more independent high island than a mountain. You Mad Bro??

Dylan, Dodge Wars and The Lion King have in common? the chance. This is a major break from the Have you ever wondered what it would & Cody Did you guess that both have characters classic SNES and NES games, and trust be like to be a character in a video game? 2B Civil voiced for James Earl Jones? If so, you us, it is a very nice break! More specifically, what is it like to die in 3A Environmental would be WRONG!! It’s actually that After Guitar Hero, we returned to a game? In the stories of games such as 2B Nanotechnology Simba’s real father is a Wookie. Moving Ghosts’n’Goblins. Why we returned, none Dead Space, Halo, and Mass Effect, the on. of us know, but it was probably due to protagonist is given such an important Have you ever felt so frustrated that In case that paragraph didn’t give it the knight. The knight endlessly dies, and task, that when you die in the game, you just about picked up your TV and away, we’re now onto on just keeps coming back; maybe we picked even though you know that you will get hurled it out the window? Ever screamed the SNES, and while the voice acting and up on a little bit of his persistence? But a another chance, what if you didn’t? at the character on screen for so long, that music sound amazing, I swear that “I Just in all honesty, we really weren’t paying What if that was it and you messed up? you’ve gone red in the face? No? Well then Can’t Wait to be King” is going to be the attention this time around. The Steam Then what happens? The spaceship full you haven’t played any of the games our elevator music in my own personal hell. flash sale rolled over, and we were kind of deadly aliens will reach earth and collective is tackling this week. This is because it accompanies one of of staring at the screen for minutes. That annihilate every living thing, after the First off, all we can say is play Ghosts ‘n the most annoying levels any of us have sale is addicting; if you don’t know what a last hero of the planet earth jumps into a Goblins on the NES. I don’t think I have ever experienced in a video game, where Steam sale is, count yourself lucky. Valve gorge. Which means it’s all over. What do ever seen a main character die as many swinging from hippo tails and riding (the makers of Steam) essentially drop the you do then? More importantly, what do times. Not only does this game contain around on ostriches requires an absurd price on everything, and all of a sudden you FEEL then? Maybe it’s just me, but ghosts and goblins, but it also has ogres, amount of skill. Let’s face it, if you were your wallet is empty! For those who are whenever I fail in a game, especially in crows, fairies, zombies, and plants that are riding around on an ostrich, you’d probably immersed in the sale as well, we feel your a stupid way (falling off a cliff, throwing more-than-vaguely reminiscent of the fire be pretty pathetic as well. We still haven’t pain. grenades around purposefully), I just feel shooting plants from Mario. This game is even grown up yet; little Simba can take Back to Ghosts’n’Goblins though. This bad that I messed up. I was the one hope, possibly the most frustrating game ever. down a hyena, but he can’t ride an ostrich play-through, we got stuck with the worst I was the chosen one, and I let everyone Let’s take a quick walk through the to save his life. weapon ever, fireballs. You’d think that down: Issac will never find his girlfriend average experience of a play-through. So far every game we’ve played qualifies balls of fire would be amazing, but they because he stomped on a barrel and blew “Okay, I cleared the river, but there are as being “Nintendo hard”. Defined by really kind of suck. Mario waaaay overdid him to pieces, Master Chief dies by driving crows flying at me literally every 10 Urban Dictionary as being “As difficult as them. You can only have two on screen at a banshee into a cliff over and over, seconds! Why are ogres pooping on me?! a typical game for the original Nintendo a time, which kind of sucks when there’s Commander Shepherd hit an asteroid. What did I ever do to them?! They are Entertainment System,” most games more than two enemies on screen at one This can go on and on. It grinds my gears literally pooping. Onto my head!! Are you designed for the earlier systems were made time. a little. I’m guessing it’s a great job on the KIDDING me?? What is WRONG with intentionally hard to make them last longer So we would spoil the plot for all of developer’s part, with an excellent amount this game?!” Then their magic breaks your due to limited space. In all seriousness, we you, but we really can’t. We didn’t make it of immersion, but sometimes, it’s too armor. And you die. You die A LOT!! can’t get past the second level. Everyone’s past the second level. If you know anyone much. Final count: 19 deaths for Dylan, 15 for manhood is at stake here. who has, please forward them to us. We I want to feel accomplished while playing Dodge, 46 for Cody, and the glitchy AI is Nananananaaaaaa! Time for Guitar need to learn! Old school NES is way too these games, but when you die stupidly, you about 250. We gave up pretty fast. That’s Hero! Manhood has been restored! For ridiculous for any sane human. For those feel down, you feel humiliated, you feel how bad it is: a total of about 80 deaths, those of you who haven’t played, in this of you who are good at it, we salute you ashamed as the little spirit that controlled and we played for pretty much an hour. We game you play a plastic guitar and pretend with our boxy controllers. their brain. But on the other hand, when look like noobs trying to play Call of Duty. to be a rock star, despite only having five While Cody and Dylan were considering you are killed legitimately, you are fueled: By the way, when did pwn stop being cool? buttons and a strummer. It’s crazy fun the games themselves, Dodge was busy “damn mothalova, I’m gonna demolish Alright, time for trivia. What do Star though, and you should try it if you get pondering life: you next time.” The Iron Warrior 16 Distractions wednesday, july 24, 2013 The Iron Crossword Sudoku The End is Nigh #2013-10

Stuart Linley farzi yusufali 3T Nanotechnology 3t nanotechnology

Puzzle 1 (Medium, difficulty rating 0.53) Easy

DOWN 3 9 1 Hare-like 2 Book after Judges 1 6 8 5

3 The E in ‘H.O.M.E.S.’ 7 4 2 6 3 4 First 5 Sully 6 8 6 Change in 3 5 1 7 8 7 Too bad 8 Catcher 2 5 9 Augury giver 6 7 8 5 4 10 First Canadian female doctor 8 7 9 1 11 Likes cocks 12 Unagi 9 4 13 Either Puzzle 1 (Hard, difficulty rating 0.65) 21 Concentration disorder Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/~jdhildeb/software/sudokugen/ on Sun Jul 21 23:54:28 2013 GMT.Medium Enjoy! 22 Shallow reef 8 5 6 4 25 Shipping passage 26 Rustle, as hair 1 7 3

27 Irish dog 2 3 28 Most death-like 29 Bodily manifestation 8 3 6 5 30 Face 5 1 8 9 31 High-school functions 32 Core material 2 8 3 4 33 Groening or Damon 7 4 36 Took to court 9 3 5 37 Vet’s trouble 40 Rude 2 9 1 3 41 Essay opening quote Puzzle 1 (Hard, difficulty rating 0.61) 47 Compass dir. Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/~jdhildeb/software/sudokugen/ on Sun Jul 21 23:58:43 2013 GMT. Enjoy!Hard ACROSS 39 Final final? 49 Stalks 5 3 6 8 1 Costless 42 Greek ‘H’ 50 Long leg 5 Actress Amy 43 Indignation 51 Sailing 7

10 Soap base 44 Foundation support 53 It’s ‘made’ in Holland 6 9 1 8 14 Radiance 45 Droop 54 Better than bot B 15 Misrepresent 46 Sums 55 Modern Persia 4 2 3 6 5 16 High-schooler 47 Saltpeter, for example 56 She, to Yvonne 6 4 17 Crazy go with 48 Braid 57 Yule 18 Winged ant 50 Crooned 58 Like zombies 5 8 7 2 1 19 Single 52 Finals week? 59 Admiral (abbr.) 1 6 4 8 20 Last thing that pushes one over 59 Altar area 60 Taro dish 5 the edge? 62 Everybody Loves Raymond 61 ...---... 23 Thought actress Roberts 7 4 2 9 24 Tries 63 Burn soother 28 Drivable 64 1993 video game hit Generated by http://www.opensky.ca/~jdhildeb/software/sudokugen/ on Sun Jul 21 23:59:30 2013 GMT. Enjoy! 31 It’s a stretch? 65 _ ____ of Two Cities Frosh Week Issue Deadline: 34 Digit 66 Not-guilty Solutions for previous crosswords can Tuesday, August 20 at 6:00 p.m. 35 Budget rival 67 ____ Murder (2006 AFI song) be found on The Iron Warrior’s website Send your submissions to: 36 Whorl 68 Type of ray at iwarrior.uwaterloo.ca/distractions. [email protected] 38 Depression 69 Had, as power

“What is the one food you would bring to a food fight?” on i t s i

“Watermelon. It would bring “Spaghetti and meatballs.” “Cooked porcupine.” the destruction” Meika Hayles, 4A Civil Gabriel Moreno-Bautista, 5A Nanotechnology David Birnbaum, 2B Civil

“BABIES and rotten dead dinosaurs.”

“Knuckle Sandwich.” “Lobster claws.”

Taylor Lindblad & May Beauregard, he Iron InquIron T Kevin Kobrinski, 1B Geological Zored Ahmed, 3A Computer 1B Mechatronics Spenser Good, 3A Mechanical Spenser Good, 3A