Grow your child’s savings with Headstart.

When it comes to teaching your children the importance of saving, ASB’s Headstart account and Kashin make it fun. With a competitive interest rate and regular monthly statements, you and your child can see their savings balance grow. To find out more about Headstart, come into any ASB branch or call 0800 803 804. A W B 4523\T C

S www.asb.co.nz A Headstart is available to customers under 18 years. Personal Banking Terms and Conditions and Disclosure Statement available at ASB Bank Limited. w contents 3 edit...

Grow your Steve Hart – editor

aving children is a wonderful gift not to be taken lightly. HFrom before they are born we need to watch what we Advice about drinking while drink so the unborn child has the best chances possible of pregnant or breastfeeding has being delivered healthy. Surprisingly, nutritionist Caryn Zinn child’s savings 13 left many people confused — but tells us that the drinking habits of fathers, let alone the mother, one expert says one drink is too can impact on the wellbeing of the child during conception. many — even for the father. In this fi rst edition of Inside Family & Parenting Diane Clement looks at the cost of having a child — from lost income to the cost of nappies and child care. We also have advice on getting our children to eat the most important meal of the with Headstart. day — breakfast. Chef Nigel Slater shows us how to make our own bread 05 SUZY CATO and suppernanny Diane Levy explains why the “terrible twos” From children’s show presenter to busy mum are really terrifi c. Returning to work after years looking after a child can be 06 TRAVEL AND CHILDREN diffi cult — Herald Careers writer Vikki Bland offers some tips to How a damp cloth can stop family help care givers back to work. arguments in the car Enjoy this edition of Inside. 07 BAKE YOUR OWN BREAD Chef Nigel Slater shows you how INSIDE SERIES to make your own fl atbread COVER STORY Editor: Steve Hart Terrible twos or terrifi c twos, Designer: James Russell 12 COST OF HAVING A BABY 10 supernanny Diane Levy offers Sales manager: Kerri Tait Having a baby isn’t cheap. The loss of one advice on helping your toddler Sales rep: Bianca Lawton income when the baby is born is just the start. understand the word “no”. Project coordinator: Emily Hancox Published by APN NZ 17 MOBILE PHONES When is the right time for your child to The Inside series is made up of four quarterly publications get a phone and what are the risks? delivered free with the New Zealand Herald. Inside Health & Wellness is out on Tuesday 3 October. 18 EDUCATION Vikki Bland recommends a range of ADVERTISE books and games to help your child Contact Bianca Lawton on (09) 3736400 extension 8671 Email: [email protected] COMING UP The next edition of Inside Family & Parenting in Ian Grant of Parents Inc offers February will include ideas for great children’s birthday THE WRITERS sound advice to parents parties, how to prepare for your child’s fi rst day at Diane Levy, Ian Grant, Diana Clement, 16 and their teenage children school, fun things to do with your children at the Suzy Cato, Vikki Bland, Caryn Zinn, Jeremy on making the transition weekend, how to choose a rest home, and breast Laurance, Victoria Bartle, Nigel Slater from child to adult. or formula milk — we explore the great debate. *4693478AA*

Get your family together for a great outing at North Shore Leisure. With a variety of fun activities catering for all age groups from babies to teenagers, North Shore Leisure offers the following: • Creche • Inline skating • High ropes and indoor rock climbing • Aquatic facilities • Swimming lessons, for all ages • School holiday programs and birthday parties When it comes to teaching your children the importance of saving, ASB’s Headstart • Fully equipped gyms account and Kashin make it fun. With a competitive interest rate and regular monthly statements, you and your child can see their savings balance grow. To find out more • Youth and Adult sports leagues • Les Mills group fitness about Headstart, come into any ASB branch or call 0800 803 804. A Visit one of our 5 North Shore Centres and get ‘Activ 4 Life’ today W B

4523\T Centre Locations: For programme and activity C

S www.asb.co.nz A East Coast Bays - Bute Rd, Browns Bay. details ph (09) 444 6340 Headstart is available to customers under 18 years. Personal Banking Terms and Conditions and Disclosure Statement available at ASB Bank Limited. Glenfield - Bentley Ave, Glenfield. Takapuna - Killarney St, Takapuna. or visit: Birkenhead - Mahara Ave, Birkenhead. Activzone - Downing St, Glenfield www.northshoreleisure.co.nz Mark your diaries!

From pregnancy to primary school – a child’s world under one roof!

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Proudly brought to you by North Port Events Ltd. PO Box 47213 Ponsonby, Auckland. T 0800 727 469 F 09 378 7659 E [email protected] 5 >SUZY CATO 5

Fond memories Getting back and happy families to work etting back to work after several years of at-home parenting can be quite Gdaunting. “Who will want me?” wail parents with rusty professional abilities and Suzy Cato may have been off our TV woefully out of date computer skills. Conversely, some parents have unrealistic screens for a while, but she’s working as expectations — expecting to walk back into a role similar to the one they had 15 years ago or hard as ever and enjoying being a mum believing they can learn as they go. Happily, with a bit of confi dence and a moderate amount of retraining, a parent’s chances of returning to the workforce after years at home with children is good. New Zealand has ello my friend, how are you today? It’s a simple phrase the same bit of ‘burbia the other shoppers barely raise an a labour shortage, which means it’s fi ne to be 50 and hearing it can make such a difference to a eyebrow. I’ve been singing and hugging kids in the streets of and thinking about getting back to work. If you’re Hperson’s day. I asked that question hundreds of times our North Shore community for years – the best bit is that I younger, your chance of landing a job is good, while making the preschool programme You & Me. now get to do it for my own little one. It may sound all a bit though not necessarily straightforward. Over the years I’ve found that because of that wonderfully PollyAnna but heck, there’s enough doom and gloom in this Despite the positive employment climate, be nurturing programme I have thousands of friends, of all ages, old world of ours to deal with day to day and I’ve always been prepared to put some effort into re-entering the around New Zealand and the world. my mum’s Peter Pan so I intend to bounce the day away like a workforce — and the areas that require attention Perhaps your child watched it as a youngster or you may Tigger instead of slouch it out like Eeyore. may surprise you. be young enough to have sung along and helped me fi nd Now, don’t be fooled — blue days also hit me real hard — For example, June, a former fi nancial sector Ted, a missing picture or my glasses. I’m seldom in bed before midnight and my work day generally worker who recently returned to part-time work Those years on TV gave me an amazing feeling of purpose starts at 7pm — but the days with my girl are an awful lot of found what she needed most to re-start work was and satisfaction. I loved my job and most of my energy went fun. a new wardrobe, and hired a stylist to help her. This into making sure I was doing the best possible for my friends on In the midst of producing Bryan & Bobby (the kids might sound frivolous, but recruiters and personal the other side of the screen. programme with community constable Bryan Ward and his coaches say it isn’t — self-confi dence and self- I spent a lot of time travelling and visiting different police dog Puppet) earlier this year for TV3, being a full-time belief are critical to successful job seeking, and a communities during that time and I’ve fond memories of working mum began to take its toll. new wardrobe, public speaking lessons and even the hugs, smiles and soggy kisses from so many amazing But thanks to a wonderful associate producer and a great emotional counselling go a long way to preparing children. team we all survived and have now had several months a parent for a return to the workforce. They say, “all good things come to an end” and so it came down time to play and recharge our batteries so now we’re Gay Barton, New Zealand general manager for that it was time to say “See ya, see ya, later” to presenting preparing for the next production. recruitment fi rm Drake International, says parents for a time. But I have to say even though I miss I’ll admit the learning curve as a fi rst-time mum was also need top-notch CVs that list everything they presenting, things have only become incredibly steep, without the challenge of learning the have been involved with while parenting. better. ropes of a new production, but I believe the key to it all Depending on the type of work you are looking I now have a little girl who’s just is learning. for, professional training may be required and turned 18 months, is just gorgeous My husband and I, like all fi rst time parents, upskilling on modern computer software will help. (but I would say that, wouldn’t I) are putting one foot in front of the other and However, before investing in expensive academic and just like many other Kiwi kids learning as our little girl learns. courses, recruiters advise parents to work out what she’s bonny, bouncy, strong- In the hope I can keep one step ahead, they want to do and then research their chosen willed and very busy. I’ve been trundling off to Action Movement industry. Ideally, “interview” potential employers Luckily the years of workshops at the local Community or contacts to discover what’s required to enter presenting children’s Creche, Plunket Group and Parent Centre the industry. programmes has ensured I meetings at nearby church halls and my Angela Cameron, division manager of have fantastic recipes for night-time reading is now made up of all temporary recruitment for Robert Half Finance & fl our dough and puff paint; manner of parenting publications. Accounting, says parents need to treat everyone I know the lyrics for more I’ll also be tuning in to Jude Dobson they come into contact with as a possible source action songs than you can too, because although no person or of employment information. shake a pla stic drumstick at; organisation will have all the answers, “Always let people know you are looking and I can still do forward and much can be gleaned from the for work - word of mouth [produces the best] backward rolls like a real experiences of others. And as opportunities,” says Cameron. kid. we’ve chosen to distract She says recruitment agencies are great for We spend lots of not smack I’m also resume, market and pay rate advice; and a time stirring, mixing, keen to look into other recruiter will be honest about the roles realistically sorting, fi nding positive parenting available to each job candidate. She says parents and pretty much initiatives. can ask past employers if they have any needs or all of it is done With so much work opportunities and it also helps if parents are a c c o m p a n i e d to learn there’s one prepared to “start small”. by music. We thing I often fi nd “Don’t expect to fall into the perfect role zoom through myself hum ming. straight away — temping or contracting is a the aisles of the It’s an Aaron Neville great way to ease back into the workforce, gain s u p e r m a r k e t song I don’t know confi dence and build networks. At the same time, singing Twinkle much, but I know I decide what your “must haves” are in terms of Twinkle or We’re love you. And that location, role, hours and rates; the more fl exible Going on a may be all I need to you are the better your chances of employment,” Food Hunt and know. says Cameron. after years On the web: by Vikki Bland of living in www.suzy.co.nz 6 >TRAVELLING Are we there yet?

Getting children involved in the planning the family holiday can bring great rewards, says Victoria Bartle

ontemplating travel with my There are some great websites which children conjures up thoughts of a offer a list of games children can play Cdonkey. You know, the one in the on long car trips — simply type “games movie Shrek, which keeps asking “Are we for children to play in the car” into a there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there search engine. Auckland City Libraries yet?”. recommend a book called Travel Wise with So while you may be thinking: Heck Children: 101 games and ideas to make — we deal with that just to travel from one family travel fun for everyone by Mary side of the town to the other, consider re- Rodgers Bundren, and it’s just as useful for visiting the plan you might have made (as I plane travel. Another useful book is Word once did) to put off all family holidays until Games — Kiwi Fun for the Car or Bach by the children become adults and can meet Kim Chamberlain. you at the bach. When booking fl ights, try to avoid the Being slightly obsessive, I battle with early-morning ones - the “red-eye fl ights” the urge to do all the organising, make that require waking in the wee hours. Long, the bookings and all the frighteningly-tidy late night fl ights are not so bad if it is the packing myself. But I discovered, thanks to child’s usual sleep time and they can sleep

some prompting from my six-year-old who GETTY IMAGES easily in that environment — and you can I found counting out socks to cover the too. days we were to be away from home, that would like to go on a holiday. Help them atlas was a fun way to start planning with Travelling with babies is quite different inviting kids to take responsibility for their use the internet or your local library to everyone involved — even if you have no to travelling with walking, talking, running own packing makes them feel involved. “explore” the town, city or country you’re intention of going to Outer-Mongolia. children and is a whole different story. Remind them about luggage weight, heading for. Children get a kick out of On the road, rest stops should be But there’s one piece of advice for particularly if an aeroplane is involved and being part of planning something as part of the holiday memory-making. I family travel: take a damp cloth in a plastic that they might need to carry their own exciting as a holiday. remember stopping in the Lewis Pass so bag. It’s a rescue remedy that can prevent bag. We even found closed eyes and a my children could play with snow for the minor spills from becoming the cause of an Try asking your children where they “pointy-fi nger” over a random page in our fi rst time. irrational car-door-slamming family feud.

ADVERTISEMENT Survival of the hippest I always sneered at buggy-obsessed yuppies. Then I discovered the e3 buggy, a double-decker dream machine, that changed my life.

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never thought that I could feel this way. I always seats in the e3 buggy is fun - everything snaps into everything mocked buggy-obsessed yuppies. I sneered at those else with an all·s right-with-the-world satisfying click. I feel more-money-than-sense-possessing,a-baby-is-this- very MacGyver moving the seats around single-handedly. year·s-version-of-the-designer-accessory zombies. But today I And even though it·s a cinch, everyone in the playground love my phil & teds e3 buggy with a white hot Banderas- stares at you as if you·re splitting the atom. Very satisfying. like flame. Had I bought my phil & teds when my first child was a I presume you know phil & teds as they are from New newborn, it could conceivably have lasted me six years, Zealand. And it has to be said that this buggy kicks all kinds through to the end of my younger child·s buggy days. of buggy ass. Could our old buggy with its tender wheels and fragile Basically it·s a double-decker - with one kid riding frame, do that?I think not. under the other. But it·s barely bigger than a single buggy, Plus the e3 buggy was recently seen in the New York incredibly light and easy to manoeuvre. You can actually times next to a picture of Brad Pitt and baby Shiloh as navigate the thing through store aisles, fit through doors, recommended gear for Dads - now how cool is that! and avoid screw-you-breeder glares from other people on So thank God for phil & teds. They let me feel, still, a the sidewalk. little, like the girl who wrote for Let·s Go and travelled solo In the city, life changes radically when you move from through obscure Greek Islands on a moped. I·m still that the single to a double buggy. One kid·s an accessory but person, but lactating. two kids, you·re parents. It·s a lot harder to pretend you·re phil & teds have preserved my mobility. I fit - through still the you who went to Burning Man. doors and into my old image of myself. The phil & teds e3 looks great, it·s functional and light to handle and it works in different permutations - with one seat, Check out www.philandteds.com to see their full range The double-decker dream machine, phil & teds E3 with two, with one kid sitting and the other lying flat in a of kids & travel products. Their mantra is ´adapt & survive!µ BUGGY, that changes with your needs, from newborn gently rocking bassinet, with one leaning back as in a lounger and with products like the T2 travelcot, metoo portable high right through to 2 toddlers.

Πand the other sitting upright. Changing the configuration of chair they really do deliver. www.philandteds.com >HOME BAKING 7 7

Our daily bread

A SIMPLE FLATBREAD springy and alive. Then cover with a clean tea towel • 500g strong, white, plain fl our and leave to rise for an hour or so. • 1/2 a tsp sea salt Get the oven to 250C/gas mark 9. When your • 1 x 7g sachet dried yeast dough is about four times the size it was, break it into Working your fi ngers into a ball of silken • 350ml warm water six pieces and push each one into a slipper shape. Add the yeast and water to the fl our and salt, Dust with fl our and put on a baking sheet. Bake for dough is a pleasure unrivalled. Nigel Slater mixing them with your hands. Mix in the olive oil — fi ve minutes, then turn the oven down to 220C/gas then turn the lot on to a lightly fl oured work surface. mark 7 and bake for a further fi ve minutes until the proves he has bread cred Knead for 10 minutes until the bread feels soft, bread sounds hollow when tapped.

T takes 10 minutes to knock up the dough for a loaf of bread. Even less Iif you use a food mixer instead of your hands. But not to use your hands here is a pity, such is the gratifi cation of feeling the warm, springy dough against your palms. The sensation of silken dough on skin is a sort of cook’s answer to frottage. I should say that I am a hobby baker rather than a fully paid-up member of the self-suffi ciency baking club. Not because I haven’t the time, but because there are a couple of hand-made loaves in town that I like even more than mine. That said, a loaf you make at home is always special. The bread I make in my own kitchen is pretty neat, with a crisp crust that comes from having the guts to put your soft-as-a-baby’s-bottom ball of dough into an infernally hot oven. In practice it is just fl our, yeast, salt and water mucked about a bit PICTURE / STEPHANIE ALLINGHAM then left to rise before being baked in a searing-hot oven. ciabatta. It is what you want for Rounds of buttered toast aside, scooping up dips, as the creamy, bread really comes into its own in our oily paste sits so conveniently in the house when it is used, warm from the extra-large holes in the bread. There oven, to scoop up garlicky pastes is no doubt it can be a messy process of grilled aubergine or mashed to knead olive oil into an already chickpeas. In other words moutabel, sticky dough, so if it all seems too taramasalata and humus. I love much, then use a food mixer with a them all. But my favourite is the fi shily beater attachment. saline tarama, but only when it is the There is something appealing real thing, rather than the fl uorescent about fl atbreads. I like their bubbled, Barbie-pink slime sold in most so- uneven texture, and their gentle called delis. Good, freshly baked slipper shape. I like too the fact fl atbread with a good topping is they have almost no crust, just a satisfying enough to be declared a buff-coloured exterior that buckles meal by all. rather than snaps under the fi ngers. Kneading a glug of olive oil into Their very fl atness is essential and your bread changes the texture to the simplicity and speed of their something a little more silky to the execution is one of the kitchen’s tongue: the difference between best-kept secrets. the texture of a cottage loaf and The Observer 8 >FOOD FOR KIDS S ge A im TTY ge Tempt your children to eat

When it comes to getting children to eat up, some imagination is required, writes Diana Clement

TradiTional breakfasT ideas Time To refuel • eggs – any which way • Cold cereal and milk t makes sense that kids need breakfast. Their fuel tanks haven’t • Hot cereal, such as porridge (try been filled for 12 hours, says Kim Stirling, nutrition service manager some dried fruit or nuts on top) iat Sanitarium, and if they’re going to get the best out of their day, • Toast, bagels or toasted muffins then a belly full of something nutritious is essential. • Yogurt with fruit “it is definitely going to help them concentrate and perform at • fruit salad school,” says Stirling. “There has been a lot of research showing that if you eat a good breakfast you are less likely to snack on unhealthy foods later in the day.” Kids who eat breakfast are also more likely someThing a liTTle differenT to participate in physical activities making them healthier overall. • Banana submarine sandwich But convincing them to eat something good for them — or just (peanut butter, a banana, and convincing them to eat — is an uphill struggle for many parents. raisins in french bread) Cooking doyenne Alison Holst believes that children should • Cottage cheese and fruit eat something for breakfast and lunch — even if it’s not what their • fresh fruit and cream cheese (or parents think they should be eating at that time of day. peanut butter) sandwich Holst, who with her son Simon wrote the books: Baby Food and • leftovers (if they’re healthy for dinner, Beyond and School Lunches & After School Snacks says she often then they’re healthy for breakfast) made extra apple crumble for dessert and fed the leftovers to her • Butter and jam or vegemite on dry Weetbix kids for breakfast as well. “After all it was mainly apples and rolled • Home-made pancakes oats.” • french toast or American pancakes both of which can be frozen, and re-heated in the toaster. • Toasted sandwiches with healthy fillings • english muffin pizzas microwaved with cheese on top • fruit smoothies 8 >FOOD FOR KIDS

your chance to win

We have 10 copies of the book School lunches and after school snacks by Simon and Alison holst to give away to 10 lucky readers. The book is full of recipes along with ideas and time-saving tips, healthy lunch options and suggestions for tight schedules and empty tummies. For a chance to win just write to the address below with your name and address on the back of a sealed envelope. The first 10 pulled from the mail bag will receive a copy of the book absolutely free. Write to: lunch book draw, Inside Family & Parenting, new Zealand herald, Po Box 3290, Auckland. closing date for entries is Friday, August 25, 2006. Winners will be drawn and books dispatched on Monday, August 28, 2006. S The book is published by ge

A hyndman Publishing and retails for

im $9.95.

TTY on the web: www.holst.co.nz ge TemptTempt your your children children to to eat eat

When it comes to getting children to eat up, some imagination is required, writes Diana Clement

TradiTional breakfasT ideas Time To refuel Free lunch The PSycholoGy oF eATInG Get started • eggs – any which way • Cold cereal and milk t makes sense that kids need breakfast. Their fuel tanks haven’t ho in all honesty can say they never threw away one of Knowing what’s good for your children and actually getting • Stuffed pocket pitas • Hot cereal, such as porridge (try been filled for 12 hours, says Kim Stirling, nutrition service manager mum’s homemade lunches when they were at school? them to eat is are two completely different things. • olives some dried fruit or nuts on top) iat Sanitarium, and if they’re going to get the best out of their day, WThe reality is that children can choose to eat what they Parenting guru and author of Of Course I Love You...now go to • Toasted sandwiches – which • Toast, bagels or toasted muffins then a belly full of something nutritious is essential. want at school and if the chopped capsicum in their lunchbox isn’t your room! Diane levy says children who don’t want breakfast can can be eaten cold. • Yogurt with fruit “it is definitely going to help them concentrate and perform at what they want to eat, they won’t. be bedevilling to their parents. “The most important thing is that • Mini pizzas • fruit salad school,” says Stirling. “There has been a lot of research showing that If you don’t want the same happening to your handiwork, here they have a pleasant relationship with you and with food,” says • Pikelets if you eat a good breakfast you are less likely to snack on unhealthy are some tips on how to make lunches appealing and nutritious. levy. • hard-boiled eggs foods later in the day.” Kids who eat breakfast are also more likely holst recommends visiting school with your child at lunchtime Many children don’t get hungry until 10 or 11am. “Trying to get • chicken legs and wings someThing a liTTle differenT to participate in physical activities making them healthier overall. before they start so that you can both see exactly what “everybody food down them at 7am can be an uphill battle,” she adds. • cold sausages • Banana submarine sandwich But convincing them to eat something good for them — or just else” takes and eats and what the lunch routine is. Both levy and Sanitarium’s Stirling suggest making smoothies • Small pots of dip and sliced (peanut butter, a banana, and convincing them to eat — is an uphill struggle for many parents. “Peer pressure is considerable and many children want exactly for these children that could contain fruit, milk, cereal such as carrot or cucumber batons raisins in french bread) Cooking doyenne Alison Holst believes that children should what their friends have.” Although you can probably make food Weetbix or just about anything that you can imagine that could • Plain popcorn • Cottage cheese and fruit eat something for breakfast and lunch — even if it’s not what their healthy as well as fun with a bit of forethought. be put in a smoothie. • cheese or salami sticks • fresh fruit and cream cheese (or parents think they should be eating at that time of day. If you put chocolate and chips in your children’s lunch boxes She says she wouldn’t hesitate feeding a child that wants to • A small ring-pull can of peanut butter) sandwich Holst, who with her son Simon wrote the books: Baby Food and and think they’re getting good nutrition then you’re fooling yourself. be spoon fed — no matter what the age. What’s more, it’s worth salmon, tuna, olives etc • leftovers (if they’re healthy for dinner, Beyond and School Lunches & After School Snacks says she often In the holsts’ fridge, says Alison, there were always packages of giving something they want to eat at breakfast time if you’re in a • cherry tomatoes then they’re healthy for breakfast) made extra apple crumble for dessert and fed the leftovers to her items ready to go. hurry to get out the door. • Butter and jam or vegemite on dry Weetbix kids for breakfast as well. “After all it was mainly apples and rolled “We used to go shopping in bulk food departments for the If all else fails give them a couple of pieces of toast to eat in • Home-made pancakes oats.” dried fruits and nuts of their choice, and we would make packages the car or give them something to eat for morning tea and a good • french toast or American pancakes of these and cheese segments in packets in the refrigerator, so on lunch “that sticks to the side”. both of which can be frozen, and days when we were running late, they could grab one of these for children love little containers of things. So if he or she will eat re-heated in the toaster. emergency school lunches.” cottage cheese, include it in a small container along with a spoon. • Toasted sandwiches with healthy fillings If your kids are bored with their lunchboxes, then cherry-pick you can do the same with hummus, cheese cubes or small salads. • english muffin pizzas microwaved some ideas from websites such as Foodlovers.co.nz or Sanitarium. Many kids love preparing food and they may be more likely to with cheese on top co.nz or simply search Google for “lunchbox ideas”. eat it if you involve them in the process. • fruit smoothies 10 >TERRIBLE TWOS Two-year-olds not so terrible Supernanny Diane Levy says terrible toddlers have been given a bad rap —­ she prefers the term ‘terrific’ and says they just need to know where life’s boundaries are and to be shown them with a cuddle

f there is one inaccurate expression that — which is a delicate way of saying that projecting my toys. There is a possibility that family members and friends, can name a upset, their crying not only involved loud help by putting their feelings into words has disempowered parents and done they discover that they have a separate I might be more co­operative a little later huge number of animals and their sounds noise and lots of arm waving, but they Excuse me, and using the strength of our voices to Ia great disservice to children, it is “the identity from their mother — and along with — or not!” and can add the last words of the lines of would go red from top to toe. So it shouldn’t convey that we understand the intensity terrible twos”. that comes a different opinion about what Instead, their response tends to come several nursery rhymes — but this does not surprise us that our 2­year­old, when upset mummy darling, of their feelings. As we lead our resistant When we talk about “the terrible twos”, should and shouldn’t be happening. out as a simple, resounding “No!” mean they can explain themselves, their or frustrated, still responds head­to toe I understand and unhappy child in the direction of the we are talking about a cluster of actions Since our children have a limited This example reminds us that, although feelings or their ideas. but, being vertical, will now respond with bath…”You really, really don’t want to do and reactions that arise as our children vocabulary at this stage they are simply not our 2­year­olds may well have a large As for expressing their feelings, our 2­ a whole body response involving foot that you wish that right now. Would a cuddle help?” leave babyhood and move through toddler capable of saying: “Excuse me, mummy vocabulary of comprehension, their spoken year­olds are not so many months away stamping, arm waving and lots of yelling. While you are cuddling, head towards hood and into their third year. darling, I understand that you wish me to vocabulary is limited. Many of our 2­and­a­ from when they were babies who, when So most of the behaviours other people me to have a the appropriate direction muttering, “I Typically, at this stage our have a bath now, but right now I am fully half­year­olds can identify by name many happy, would respond head­to­toe in a term “terrible twos” (not me. I think that 2­ bath, but right think I can hear the duckie quacking. Let’s children are discov­ focused on seeing how far my whole body response that involved fanning year­olds are “terrific”) are simply normal find out.” ering autonomy biceps are capable of their little fingers and toes. When they were for their developmental age and stage. now I am fully Our third parenting obligation is to Does that mean we should ignore the put boundaries around inappropriate behaviours and simply wait for our children focused on behaviour. I am often asked “how old to outgrow them? No way. seeing how before a child is ready for limits?” The One of the most disempowering best indication of readiness is when they effects of the expression “terrible twos” far my biceps give you “the look”. This is the challenging is that it encourages parents to tolerate backward glance, usually accompanied unacceptable behaviour in the mistaken are capable of by a grin, which says: “I know I am not belief that the “terrible twos” will pass projecting my supposed to be doing this, but I am so and, by some miracle, the day after their cute that I am sure you will forgive me for third birthday, we will be left with a well­ toys the fortieth time.” behaved little angel. Yeah right! This usually begins between 10 and 15 The expression “terrible twos” also leads months, which is when we need to start us to believe that, when our crawlers and responding. toddlers deliberately do things that they If we wait until our children are 2 know they are not supposed to do, we don’t or more in the belief that they are too need to do anything about it because they young, we will have children practising are too young to be “terrible twos” – yet! doing things they know full well that they So, what is the best way to handle the shouldn’t for six to 12 months before we energy, volatility and spectacular learning begin to take action. In other words, we curves of our 18­month­olds to almost 3­ give them permission for several months years­olds? Respect their integrity, support and then suddenly change the rules on their feelings and put limits on inappropriate them. No wonder our credibility is low, behaviour. their response is noisy and outraged, their How can we do that? willingness to co­operate negligible and When we respect our children’s integrity, so we label them “terrible twos”. we do not treat them as little people parcels The first step to setting boundaries is in whom adults are entitled, at a whim and in our heads. We need to decide and agree a seemingly random fashion, to descend on which behaviours are unacceptable. upon, gate­crash whatever they are doing We need to scoop our child away from and scoop them off to some other activity. the unacceptable activity, say firmly: “you Rather, we should inform them of what know you are not allowed to do that.” is about to happen, allow them to finish Then offer the child something else to do whatever activity they are engaged in and or expect a child heading toward three to them lead them on to the next activity. be able to find their own activity. “In a little while, we are going to finish If they are hell­bent on heading back building with those blocks and have a to the same unacceptable activity, take bath...” them to a different room, with a door “Now it is time to stop building. I wonder between them and the “out of bounds” whether your duck is already playing with activity and, if necessary, stay silently with the bubbles. Let’s go and find out.” them, till they concede. In other words, you It’s all about boundarIes It would be unrealistic to assume that, are showing your child that this particular just because we have respected their activity is not acceptable and cannot be • Decide how far is too far - create a boundary integrity that they will be happy about allowed to continue. That’s a boundary. our plan. Bearing in mind that our “terrific Whatever their age, if we respect • Communicate that boundary to your child two’s” experience their feelings strongly their integrity, support their feelings and • If the line is crossed, be firm and offer alternatives and are often a hair’s­breadth away from put boundaries on their unacceptable a wobbly, our job as parents is to support behaviour, we should find ourselves • If the child persists, take them to another room and sit them to handle their strong feelings when enjoying our children’s company and in silence with them until they concede they arise. rejoicing in their increasing mastery of the gETTY IMAgES Since they have a limited vocabulary world they inhabit. to describe what is going on, we can best Let’s hear it for the “terrific twos.” 10 >TERRIBLE TWOS Two-year-olds not soso terribleterrible Supernanny Diane Levy says terrible toddlers have been given a bad rap Supernanny—­ she prefers Diane the Levy term says ‘terrific’ terrible and toddlers says theyhave just been need given to aknow bad rapwhere exclusive french childrenswear —life’s she prefersboundaries the termare and ‘terrifi to c’be and shown says them they withjust needa cuddle to know where life’s boundaries are and to be shown them with a cuddle WINTER SALE f there is one inaccurate expression that — which is a delicate way of saying that projecting my toys. There is a possibility that family members and friends, can name a upset, their crying not only involved loud help by putting their feelings into words FURTHERREDUCTIONS has disempowered parents and done they discover that they have a separate I might be more co­operative a little later huge number of animals and their sounds noise and lots of arm waving, but they and using the strength of our voices to upset, their crying not only involved Excuse me, help by putting their feelings into words a great disservice to children, it is “the identity from their mother — and along with — or not!” and can add the last words of the lines of would go red from top to toe. So it shouldn’t convey that we understand the intensity I loud noise and lots of arm waving, but they Excuse me, and using the strength of our voices to terrible twos”. that comes a different opinion about what Instead, their response tends to come several nursery rhymes — but this does not surprise us that our 2­year­old, when upset mummy darling, of their feelings. As we lead our resistant would go red from top to toe. So it shouldn’t convey that we understand the intensity 50% OFF When we talk about “the terrible twos”, should and shouldn’t be happening. out as a simple, resounding “No!” mean they can explain themselves, their or frustrated, still responds head­to toe and unhappy child in the direction of the surprise us that our 2-year-old, when upset mummyI understand darling, of their feelings. As we lead our resistant we are talking about a cluster of actions Since our children have a limited This example reminds us that, although feelings or their ideas. but, being vertical, will now respond with bath…”You really, really don’t want to do ...almost everything or frustrated, still responds head-to toe and unhappy child in the direction of the and reactions that arise as our children vocabulary at this stage they are simply not our 2­year­olds may well have a large As for expressing their feelings, our 2­ a whole body response involving foot I understand that right now. Would a cuddle help?” but, being vertical, will now respond with that you wish bath…”You really, really don’t want to do leave babyhood and move through toddler capable of saying: “Excuse me, mummy vocabulary of comprehension, their spoken year­olds are not so many months away stamping, arm waving and lots of yelling. While you are cuddling, head towards a whole body response involving foot that you wish that right now. Would a cuddle help?” hood and into their third year. darling, I understand that you wish me to vocabulary is limited. Many of our 2­and­a­ from when they were babies who, when So most of the behaviours other people me to have a the appropriate direction muttering, “I stamping, arm waving and lots of yelling. While you are cuddling, head towards Typically, at this stage our have a bath now, but right now I am fully half­year­olds can identify by name many happy, would respond head­to­toe in a term “terrible twos” (not me. I think that 2­ think I can hear the duckie quacking. Let’s So most of the behaviours other people mebath, to have but right a the appropriate direction muttering, “I children are discov­ focused on seeing how far my whole body response that involved fanning year­olds are “terrific”) are simply normal find out.” term “terrible twos” (not me. I think that 2- think I can hear the duckie quacking. Let’s ering autonomy biceps are capable of their little fingers and toes. When they were for their developmental age and stage. bath, but right Our third parenting obligation is to year-olds are “terrifi c”) are simply normal now I am fully fi nd out.” Does that mean we should ignore the put boundaries around inappropriate for their developmental age and stage. now I am fully Our third parenting obligation is to behaviours and simply wait for our children focused on behaviour. I am often asked “how old Does that mean we should ignore the put boundaries around inappropriate to outgrow them? No way. before a child is ready for limits?” The behaviours and simply wait for our children focusedseeing on how behaviour. I am often asked “how old One of the most disempowering best indication of readiness is when they to outgrow them? No way. before a child is ready for limits?” The effects of the expression “terrible twos” seeing how give you “the look”. This is the challenging One of the most disempowering far my biceps best indication of readiness is when they is that it encourages parents to tolerate backward glance, usually accompanied effects of the expression “terrible twos” far my biceps give you “the look”. This is the challenging unacceptable behaviour in the mistaken are capable of by a grin, which says: “I know I am not is that it encourages parents to tolerate backward glance, usually accompanied belief that the “terrible twos” will pass supposed to be doing this, but I am so unacceptable behaviour in the mistaken areprojecting capable of my by a grin, which says: “I know I am not and, by some miracle, the day after their cute that I am sure you will forgive me for belief that the “terrible twos” will pass supposed to be doing this, but I am so third birthday, we will be left with a well­ projecting my the fortieth time.” and, by some miracle, the day after their toys cute that I am sure you will forgive me for behaved little angel. Yeah right! This usually begins between 10 and 15 third birthday, we will be left with a well- toys the fortieth time.” The expression “terrible twos” also leads months, which is when we need to start behaved little angel. Yeah right! This usually begins between 10 and 15 us to believe that, when our crawlers and responding. The expression “terrible twos” also leads months, which is when we need to start toddlers deliberately do things that they If we wait until our children are 2 us to believe that, when our crawlers and responding. know they are not supposed to do, we don’t or more in the belief that they are too toddlers deliberately do things that they If we wait until our children are 2 need to do anything about it because they young, we will have children practising INTRODUCINGTWONEWLABELS know they are not supposed to do, we don’t or more in the belief that they are too are too young to be “terrible twos” – yet! doing things they know full well that they (in addition to our existing favourites) need to do anything about it because they young, we will have children practising So, what is the best way to handle the shouldn’t for six to 12 months before we are too young to be “terrible twos” – yet! doing things they know full well that they Repetto - A range specifically for energy, volatility and spectacular learning begin to take action. In other words, we So, what is the best way to handle the shouldn’t for six to 12 months before we curves of our 18­month­olds to almost 3­ give them permission for several months the young inspired ballerina and energy, volatility and spectacular learning begin to take action. In other words, we years­olds? Respect their integrity, support and then suddenly change the rules on curves of our 18-month-olds to almost 3- give them permission for several months Chipie – where quality meets fun. their feelings and put limits on inappropriate them. No wonder our credibility is low, years-olds? Respect their integrity, support and then suddenly change the rules on behaviour. their response is noisy and outraged, their their feelings and put limits on inappropriate them. No wonder our credibility is low, 545 Mt Eden Rd, Mt Eden. How can we do that? willingness to co­operate negligible and behaviour. their response is noisy and outraged, their T: 631 0012 OPEN MON-FRI When we respect our children’s integrity, so we label them “terrible twos”. How can we do that? willingness to co-operate negligible and we do not treat them as little people parcels The first step to setting boundaries is in 9.30-5PM AND SAT 9.30 -3PM. When we respect our children’s integrity, so we label them “terrible twos”. whom adults are entitled, at a whim and in our heads. We need to decide and agree www.mesamis.co.nz we do not treat them as little people parcels The fi rst step to setting boundaries is in a seemingly random fashion, to descend on which behaviours are unacceptable. whom adults are entitled, at a whim and in our heads. We need to decide and agree upon, gate­crash whatever they are doing We need to scoop our child away from a seemingly random fashion, to descend on which behaviours are unacceptable. SUMMERRANGE and scoop them off to some other activity. the unacceptable activity, say firmly: “you upon, gate-crash whatever they are doing We need to scoop our child away from Rather, we should inform them of what know you are not allowed to do that.” and scoop them off to some other activity. the unacceptable activity, say fi rmly: “you ARRIVINGIN is about to happen, allow them to finish Then offer the child something else to do Rather, we should inform them of what know you are not allowed to do that.” whatever activity they are engaged in and or expect a child heading toward three to is about to happen, allow them to fi nish Then offer the child something else to do STOREFROM them lead them on to the next activity. be able to find their own activity. whatever activity they are engaged in and or expect a child heading toward three to “In a little while, we are going to finish If they are hell­bent on heading back them lead them on to the next activity. be able to fi nd their own activity. 2 1 S T A U G U S T building with those blocks and have a to the same unacceptable activity, take “In a little while, we are going to fi nish If they are hell-bent on heading back bath...” them to a different room, with a door building with those blocks and have a to the same unacceptable activity, take “Now it is time to stop building. I wonder between them and the “out of bounds” bath...” them to a different room, with a door whether your duck is already playing with activity and, if necessary, stay silently with “Now it is time to stop building. I wonder between them and the “out of bounds” the bubbles. Let’s go and find out.” them, till they concede. In other words, you whether your duck is already playing with activity and, if necessary, stay silently with It would be unrealistic to assume that, are showing your child that this particular It’s all about boundarIes the bubbles. Let’s go and fi nd out.” them, till they concede. In other words, you just because we have respected their activity is not acceptable and cannot be It would be unrealistic to assume that, are showing your child that this particular • Decide how far is too far - create a boundary integrity that they will be happy about allowed to continue. That’s a boundary. just because we have respected their activity is not acceptable and cannot be our plan. Bearing in mind that our “terrific Whatever their age, if we respect • Communicate that boundary to your child integrity that they will be happy about allowed to continue. That’s a boundary. two’s” experience their feelings strongly their integrity, support their feelings and our plan. Bearing in mind that our “terrifi c Whatever their age, if we respect and are often a hair’s­breadth away from put boundaries on their unacceptable • If the line is crossed, be firm and offer alternatives two’s” experience their feelings strongly their integrity, support their feelings and a wobbly, our job as parents is to support behaviour, we should find ourselves and are often a hair’s-breadth away from put boundaries on their unacceptable them to handle their strong feelings when enjoying our children’s company and • If the child persists, take them to another room and sit a wobbly, our job as parents is to support behaviour, we should fi nd ourselves they arise. rejoicing in their increasing mastery of the in silence with them until they concede them to handle their strong feelings when enjoying our children’s company and Since they have a limited vocabulary world they inhabit. gETTY IMAgES they arise. rejoicing in their increasing mastery of the to describe what is going on, we can best Let’s hear it for the “terrific twos.” Since they have a limited vocabulary world they inhabit. to describe what is going on, we can best Let’s hear it for the “terrifi c twos.” 12 >MONEY

My baby don’t come cheap Babies use up money faster than a bad investment. Still, they’re pretty cute, writes Diana Clement

et’s be frank. Having a baby isn’t the best way to improve Lyour cash fl ow or help you retire wealthy. If you haven’t already bankrupted yourself from the designer maternity gear, CLOTH VERSUS massages, yoga classes and classical CDs to give your DISPOSABLES unborn baby a head start in It’s difficult to compare the life, then you’ll soon be faced exact cost of disposables versus with a barrage of “must-have” cloth nappies as there are many consumer goods as soon as you variables. If, for example, you hit the high street in search of buy premium nappies such the paraphernalia that goes with as Huggies in the supermarket impending parenthood. you will be paying top dollar. When couples think of having However cheaper lesser-known babies it’s often the things that brands can be bought much more cheaply by mail order. they don’t think about that prove Cloth nappies have the added the most expensive: the loss of costs of water for washing, one income, childcare, and electricity and soap powder. babysitting. After your baby’s Then there’s the cost of a weekly second birthday you’ll also fi nd rubbish bag full of disposable yourself paying extra for airfares nappies — roughly $50 to and even accommodation — $100 a year. which is usually charged for by Nappy wrappers retail at around the person. $60, and the refills cost $20 Then if you’re that way and hold about 140 nappies. If Underage inclined add the cost of a 4WD you were to use this for 7000 nappy changes (one child) you car, with an extra row of seats, are looking at another $1000 and the additional bedrooms just on plastic wraps for your you’ll need if bunk beds aren’t plastic nappies. good enough. Children who wear disposables The average parent will toilet train later — because they spend an estimated $33,000, don’t feel wet, which adds to the drinking from the $20 you spend on that cost of disposable nappies. fi rst pregnancy test to the day Cloth nappies cost between you buy junior’s new school bag. $200 a child for the old- fashioned flat ones and $1000 KITTING YOUR HOUSE OUT for the shaped ones that use Velcro or poppers. You’ll need Advice about The cost of baby gear is a one- to pay for washing. Add to that a off and often items can be sold maximum of $500 for washing/ drinking while off second-hand at the end — so drying over 2.5 years. you can keep costs down with Depending on the brand of pregnant has left sensible planning. You could, if disposables you buy, you’ll pay you prefer, hire the likes of Jolly between $2900 and $4500 many people Jumpers or Exersaucers from over 2.5 years for one child. With companies such as Baby-On-The- cloth nappies you don’t need to confused. So, how Move or the Toy Hire Company. buy a second set of nappies – so Marilynn McLachlan author the only cost for child number many is okay? of The New Parent Code: 12 two is washing. That’s assuming you buy your cloth nappies new. Dietitian and Vital Clues to Achieving Modern Hundreds of second-hand cloth Family Sanity says: “Your basic nappies are for sale in the at any nutritionist Caryn equipment is your car seat, a one time. pram and clothes. (Virtually) Zinn says one drink everything else is a luxury.” by Diana Clement In our modern world items is too many – and GETTY IMAGES that were once a luxury (or even non-existent) are now seen as the McLachlan wrote to Prime actually squash creativity. choice where to spend your to work can also prove to be that applies to the norm. Electric bottle warmers, Minister Helen Clark complaining Once you have children you money. If for example, you’re prohibitively expensive for some cosy toes for your baby buggy, or that it was impossible to live and may fi nd that you go out less, frittering your money away parents. father too expensive sun shades. raise kids on the average wage. take fewer overseas holidays or buying books or on Friday night A fulltime day-care place can New parents often fi nd McLachlan’s advice to others romantic weekends away. takeaways, you can choose to cost $250 a week or more — which themselves in a competitive is: “If you can’t afford the classes, divert that money to your new- has to come from your post-tax situation. (all the other babies don’t do them. If you can’t afford BUDGETING found “must haves”. income. Or a nanny costs around in your coffee group are going the latest change table, don’t Budgeting can make it possible $17 an hour ($850 a week for 50 to baby massage classes, or buy it.” to afford designer Cilek baby CHILDCARE COSTS hours) plus ACC levies according wearing drop-dead gorgeous An educationalist by furniture or Fred Bare clothing. While it costs money to be a stay- to June Falvey of Poppetts nanny designer clothing from Smith and profession, McLachlan believes Budgeting isn’t a torture device, at-home parent because you agency. Whichever way you cut Caughey.) that some of the latest toys it’s a tool to help give you the lose an income — going back it, it isn’t cheap. Underage drinking

Advice about drinking while pregnant has left many people confused. So, how many is okay? Dietitian and nutritionist Caryn Zinn says one drink is too many – and that applies to the father too 14 >ALCOHOL AND PREGNANCY

BReAST IS ONLY BeST How FOR SIX MONTHS reastfeeding babies gives them the best start in life — but too much of a good thing may make Bthem more prone to allergy, a study has found. Babies fed exclusively on mother’s milk for up to six months are known to be at reduced risk of allergies such as eczema and asthma. But new research has shown that extending much exclusive breastfeeding beyond six months may increase the risks of allergies. The research was started 20 years ago when scientists at the Helsinki Skin and Allergy Hospital in Finland asked 200 mothers to breastfeed their newborn children for as long as possible. The children were assessed for allergies at the ages of five, 11 and 20. Feeding children exclusively is too on breast milk for nine months or more appeared to increase their risk of developing allergic conditions such as eczema and food hypersensitivity, according to New Scientist magazine. At age five, more than half of children with a family history of allergy who had been breastfed for at least nine months were showing allergic symptoms S

e compared with one fifth of those who had been much? breastfed for between two and six months. IMAG The researchers noted that children who developed TTY

e allergies after prolonged exclusive breastfeeding were G most likely to do so during the first years of life. This suggested that environmental factors such lcohol is the ever present guest when family or Concerns surrounding the consumption of alcohol Syndrome and the neural tube defect condition spina Previous New Zealand guidelines have stated that become pregnant. as pollen exposure, diet and disease play a more friends get together — at a bar or restaurant, at a during pregnancy are not a recent phenomenon, and bifida. The prevalence of FAS in the western world has alcohol is not recommended during pregnancy. A New There is evidence that the detrimental effects of alcohol important role in the onset of allergies in later childhood ABBQ, at the rugby game, at a party. When a well- recommendations to refrain from drinking have existed been estimated at 0.5–2 cases per thousand births. In New Zealand study in 1996 revealed that though doctors on the fetus may also be transmitted by paternal alcohol and adulthood. meaning friend offers you a glass of wine or champagne, a since biblical times. However, ever since the condition Zealand the true extent of FAS is unknown, but the Ministry surveyed believed that there should be a limit on alcohol consumption through the sperm, so the father of the baby Over-exposure to breast milk may provide too pregnant or breastfeeding female, reassuring you that “one of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was described in the 1970s by of Health estimates 2-3 per thousand for FAS and 4-5 per consumption during pregnancy, only 46 per cent should also abstain when pregnancy is being planned. much early protection against these triggers. little glass isn’t going to hurt,” politely decline and remind Colleen O’Leary, academic interest in the detrimental thousand births for partial FAS2. recommended abstinence and only half advised women One of the most important choices you can make is to “A beautiful hypothesis is that there is a time yourself that in fact this one little glass just might hurt. Your effects of alcohol on the developing fetus has increased. Studies over the past 12 years have indicated that about the dangers of alcohol in their first consultation. not drink alcohol while pregnant, and to allow friends and window when the immune system needs to be exposed decision to decline will be easily justified if you answer “no” Babies exposed to any alcohol while in the womb could despite warnings, women are still drinking alcohol during The latest, guidelines released last year by the Ministry family to respect your decision to abstain. to external antigens (foreign proteins) for it to develop to the following question: “Do I want to risk the chance that suffer from a wide range of problems, depending on the pregnancy and while breastfeeding. of Health, recommend total abstinence from alcohol by Remember that it does not matter if you drink beer or properly,” said researcher Maria Pesonen. this drink will harm my baby?”. severity and extent of alcohol consumption. It is now well • A 1994 national study in New Zealand revealed that pregnant women or those planning to become pregnant. lite beer, wine, spirits or pre-mixed drinks — they all contain Rosie Dobbs, policy researcher at the National While moderate alcohol consumption can have health recognised that lower level alcohol use can cause subtle 41.6 per cent of pregnant women consumed alcohol The severity of this guideline is due to the reality that alcohol. So if you enjoy social drinking, and still want to join Childbirth Trust in Britain, said: “Most babies reach benefits to the general population, unfortunately it is off the neurological disturbances (attention deficit hyperactivity, during pregnancy. researchers simply do not know the exact amount of alcohol in the fun of socialising, continue to do so, but make sensible out and help themselves from their parent’s plates menu for the pregnant and those breastfeeding — alcohol learning difficulties, speech and other communication • In 1999, of 500 pregnant women surveyed in the North consumption during pregnancy that is considered to be low substitutes for alcohol such as: by the age of six or seven months. Mothers should is a toxin. The body reacts to it like a poison and the liver problems), low birth weight, prematurity, miscarriage and Island, 29 per cent continued to drink alcohol while risk. Although damage to the baby does not always happen • Sparkling grape juice served in a wine glass, instead of be encouraged to continue breastfeeding after six wants to clear it from the blood as quickly as it can. stillbirth; while heavier alcohol usage may result in more pregnant. when a mother drinks (which explains why some pregnant wine or champagne months, while solid foods are introduced, because So it is simple. When you drink, so does your baby. Alcohol severe abnormalities such as those characterised by Fetal • In 2000, midwives reported that 36 per cent of their women have had the odd drink without apparent harm to • Ginger beer instead of regular beer there is evidence it may reduce sensitivity to certain is carried through the placenta by your bloodstream to Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). pregnant adult clients and 82 per cent of their pregnant their baby) it is impossible to know when harm will occur. • Lime and soda instead of vodka / whisky and soda foods.” your baby and it is also passed through to breast milk when The main features of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome are teenage clients drank during their pregnancy. The Ministry of Health reported that babies born to • Fruit juice instead of cocktails A separate study of 9000 children, published in the breastfeeding. considered to be: • In the most recent survey, conducted in 2002, a quarter mothers who drink as little as one alcoholic drink a week • Cocktails and daiquiris made with all the ingredients Archives of Disease in Childhood, found that children In the unborn and newborn baby’s immature body, • Pre- and post natal growth retardation of pregnant New Zealand women continued to drink during pregnancy could show altered behaviours, and except the alcohol. who had been breastfed were more likely to cope well alcohol is broken down at a much slower rate than in an • Adverse effects on the central nervous system: intel- during their pregnancy. those whose mothers have one drink a day may have If you find being out at a bar too difficult, control the with traumatic events such as their parents getting adult’s body. The result is that the baby’s blood alcohol level lectual impairment, developmental delay, neurological There is little doubt that babies with FAS or partial FAS reduced cognitive skills. situation by inviting friends to your house, and making a divorced. can be higher and remain elevated for longer than that of abnormalities and behavioural problems belong to those mothers who drank heavily during their Due to these uncertainties, and the possibility that even non-alcoholic punch for those who may be wanting to, for The researchers said the benefit could be a the mother. The effects you may feel from alcohol are also • Characteristic facial features, including a flattened pregnancy. small amounts of alcohol can cause harm to the baby, the whatever reason, abstain. It is better to be safe than sorry. result of the close mother-child bonding as well as felt by your baby, but with more serious consequences. So mid-face, a small jaw and a thin upper lip. Another However, the controversy surrounds the debate about clear guideline of responsible drinking during pregnancy is the hormone leptin in breast milk, which may have a whether still snug in your womb, or feeding from the breast, common feature includes congenital heart disease. the exact quantity and frequency of alcohol consumption abstinence. calming effect. your baby still consumes the toxic substance of alcohol FAS is now argued to be the leading cause of mental required during pregnancy to produce FAS or alcohol Because no amount of alcohol has been proven safe, Caryn Zinn is a senior lecturer, consultant dietitian and when you do. retardation in developed countries, outranking Down related abnormalities. a woman should abstain from drinking when attempting to sports nutritionist at Auckland University of Technology. By Jeremy Laurance, The Independent 14 >ALCOHOL AND PREGNANCY

BReAST IS ONLY BeST How FOR SIX MONTHS reastfeeding babies gives them the best start in life — but too much of a good thing may make Bthem more prone to allergy, a study has found. Babies fed exclusively on mother’s milk for up to six months are known to be at reduced risk of allergies such as eczema and asthma. But new research has shown that extending much exclusive breastfeeding beyond six months may increase the risks of allergies. The research was started 20 years ago when scientists at the Helsinki Skin and Allergy Hospital in Finland asked 200 mothers to breastfeed their newborn children for as long as possible. The children were assessed for allergies at the ages of five, 11 and 20. Feeding children exclusively is too on breast milk for nine months or more appeared to increase their risk of developing allergic conditions such as eczema and food hypersensitivity, according to New Scientist magazine. At age five, more than half of children with a family history of allergy who had been breastfed for at least nine months were showing allergic symptoms S

e compared with one fifth of those who had been much? breastfed for between two and six months. IMAG The researchers noted that children who developed TTY

e allergies after prolonged exclusive breastfeeding were G most likely to do so during the first years of life. This suggested that environmental factors such lcohol is the ever present guest when family or Concerns surrounding the consumption of alcohol Syndrome and the neural tube defect condition spina Previous New Zealand guidelines have stated that become pregnant. as pollen exposure, diet and disease play a more friends get together — at a bar or restaurant, at a during pregnancy are not a recent phenomenon, and bifida. The prevalence of FAS in the western world has alcohol is not recommended during pregnancy. A New There is evidence that the detrimental effects of alcohol important role in the onset of allergies in later childhood ABBQ, at the rugby game, at a party. When a well- recommendations to refrain from drinking have existed been estimated at 0.5–2 cases per thousand births. In New Zealand study in 1996 revealed that though doctors on the fetus may also be transmitted by paternal alcohol and adulthood. meaning friend offers you a glass of wine or champagne, a since biblical times. However, ever since the condition Zealand the true extent of FAS is unknown, but the Ministry surveyed believed that there should be a limit on alcohol consumption through the sperm, so the father of the baby Over-exposure to breast milk may provide too pregnant or breastfeeding female, reassuring you that “one of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome was described in the 1970s by of Health estimates 2-3 per thousand for FAS and 4-5 per consumption during pregnancy, only 46 per cent should also abstain when pregnancy is being planned. much early protection against these triggers. little glass isn’t going to hurt,” politely decline and remind Colleen O’Leary, academic interest in the detrimental thousand births for partial FAS2. recommended abstinence and only half advised women One of the most important choices you can make is to “A beautiful hypothesis is that there is a time yourself that in fact this one little glass just might hurt. Your effects of alcohol on the developing fetus has increased. Studies over the past 12 years have indicated that about the dangers of alcohol in their first consultation. not drink alcohol while pregnant, and to allow friends and window when the immune system needs to be exposed decision to decline will be easily justified if you answer “no” Babies exposed to any alcohol while in the womb could despite warnings, women are still drinking alcohol during The latest, guidelines released last year by the Ministry family to respect your decision to abstain. to external antigens (foreign proteins) for it to develop to the following question: “Do I want to risk the chance that suffer from a wide range of problems, depending on the pregnancy and while breastfeeding. of Health, recommend total abstinence from alcohol by Remember that it does not matter if you drink beer or properly,” said researcher Maria Pesonen. this drink will harm my baby?”. severity and extent of alcohol consumption. It is now well • A 1994 national study in New Zealand revealed that pregnant women or those planning to become pregnant. lite beer, wine, spirits or pre-mixed drinks — they all contain Rosie Dobbs, policy researcher at the National While moderate alcohol consumption can have health recognised that lower level alcohol use can cause subtle 41.6 per cent of pregnant women consumed alcohol The severity of this guideline is due to the reality that alcohol. So if you enjoy social drinking, and still want to join Childbirth Trust in Britain, said: “Most babies reach benefits to the general population, unfortunately it is off the neurological disturbances (attention deficit hyperactivity, during pregnancy. researchers simply do not know the exact amount of alcohol in the fun of socialising, continue to do so, but make sensible out and help themselves from their parent’s plates menu for the pregnant and those breastfeeding — alcohol learning difficulties, speech and other communication • In 1999, of 500 pregnant women surveyed in the North consumption during pregnancy that is considered to be low substitutes for alcohol such as: by the age of six or seven months. Mothers should is a toxin. The body reacts to it like a poison and the liver problems), low birth weight, prematurity, miscarriage and Island, 29 per cent continued to drink alcohol while risk. Although damage to the baby does not always happen • Sparkling grape juice served in a wine glass, instead of be encouraged to continue breastfeeding after six wants to clear it from the blood as quickly as it can. stillbirth; while heavier alcohol usage may result in more pregnant. when a mother drinks (which explains why some pregnant wine or champagne months, while solid foods are introduced, because So it is simple. When you drink, so does your baby. Alcohol severe abnormalities such as those characterised by Fetal • In 2000, midwives reported that 36 per cent of their women have had the odd drink without apparent harm to • Ginger beer instead of regular beer there is evidence it may reduce sensitivity to certain is carried through the placenta by your bloodstream to Alcohol Syndrome (FAS). pregnant adult clients and 82 per cent of their pregnant their baby) it is impossible to know when harm will occur. • Lime and soda instead of vodka / whisky and soda foods.” your baby and it is also passed through to breast milk when The main features of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome are teenage clients drank during their pregnancy. The Ministry of Health reported that babies born to • Fruit juice instead of cocktails A separate study of 9000 children, published in the breastfeeding. considered to be: • In the most recent survey, conducted in 2002, a quarter mothers who drink as little as one alcoholic drink a week • Cocktails and daiquiris made with all the ingredients Archives of Disease in Childhood, found that children In the unborn and newborn baby’s immature body, • Pre- and post natal growth retardation of pregnant New Zealand women continued to drink during pregnancy could show altered behaviours, and except the alcohol. who had been breastfed were more likely to cope well alcohol is broken down at a much slower rate than in an • Adverse effects on the central nervous system: intel- during their pregnancy. those whose mothers have one drink a day may have If you find being out at a bar too difficult, control the with traumatic events such as their parents getting adult’s body. The result is that the baby’s blood alcohol level lectual impairment, developmental delay, neurological There is little doubt that babies with FAS or partial FAS reduced cognitive skills. situation by inviting friends to your house, and making a divorced. can be higher and remain elevated for longer than that of abnormalities and behavioural problems belong to those mothers who drank heavily during their Due to these uncertainties, and the possibility that even non-alcoholic punch for those who may be wanting to, for The researchers said the benefit could be a the mother. The effects you may feel from alcohol are also • Characteristic facial features, including a flattened pregnancy. small amounts of alcohol can cause harm to the baby, the whatever reason, abstain. It is better to be safe than sorry. result of the close mother-child bonding as well as felt by your baby, but with more serious consequences. So mid-face, a small jaw and a thin upper lip. Another However, the controversy surrounds the debate about clear guideline of responsible drinking during pregnancy is the hormone leptin in breast milk, which may have a whether still snug in your womb, or feeding from the breast, common feature includes congenital heart disease. the exact quantity and frequency of alcohol consumption abstinence. calming effect. your baby still consumes the toxic substance of alcohol FAS is now argued to be the leading cause of mental required during pregnancy to produce FAS or alcohol Because no amount of alcohol has been proven safe, Caryn Zinn is a senior lecturer, consultant dietitian and when you do. retardation in developed countries, outranking Down related abnormalities. a woman should abstain from drinking when attempting to sports nutritionist at Auckland University of Technology. By Jeremy Laurance, The Independent 16 >IAN GRANT

Enjoying the white knuckle

ride GETTY IMAGES

Teenagers need to know their parents are proud of them writes Ian Grant, founder of Parents Inc

he most common comment I get from • Third, what sort of questions would you change the rest of your lives”. parents whose offspring have just use to help your teenager debrief and I then say I want to talk about the two Thit puberty is, “I don’t know what’s assess decisions and choices they have great human fears: Can I love and will I be happened to my lovely 12-year-old. It’s like made? loved? At this point 2000 young people go an alien has possessed them”. Today’s culture is dynamically opposed to quiet. I smile and say, “Welcome to the world of parenting teenagers with dignity and respect, Half way through my talk I say, “Do you parenting teenagers.” so it is an extra challenge for parents. mind if I talk to you about sex? Because if you The tragedy is so many parents give up at A family therapist friend said to me the are into permissive sex, you young ladies will this stage of their child’s development. They other day that 90 per cent of his work with give sex hoping to get love, and you young either think their teenager is past parenting adults would be removed if their parents had men will give love hoping to get sex. or they don’t want to open the Pandora’s debriefed them each night as a child. In other “Can I ask you young ladies, do you mind Box of every one of their instructions being words, allow children to see their day’s events that your sexual encounter is just a notch challenged. through the mature eyes of their parents. on his belt? Because at this age that is all it There are two important stages of a child’s My colleague John Cowan and I wrote means to him. And if all you have learnt is to development where they desperately need The White Water Rafting Years – A Common wear a condom, that is like a mother saying good parenting: the toddler stage when they Sense Guide to Parenting Teenagers. The title to a three-year-old; ‘I know that you love discover the word no, and when puberty says it all. When you are parenting teenagers running on the road dear, mummy will buy kicks in. The great challenge at both these you are going through the white water rapids you a crash helmet and teach you how to stages is to teach them not to feel and then — and it’s hard to give life instructions in the dodge cars’. act — but rather feel, think, and act. fi zz and spray of those rapids. The best time is “If you are “The tragedy of your generation is you Everyone agrees dysfunctional behaviour the quiet part — the 6-11 years where values, think sex leads to intimacy. I would suggest is to feel and act. “I feel angry so I hit out, I feel virtues and good manners are worked on. into permissive that you have intimacy before you have horny so I’ve got to have sex, I feel like that so But don’t be discouraged, it’s never too sex, you young sex.” I take it.” late and if you could put up with a bit of spray When I fi nish my talk, the girl prefects Teaching your teenager that actions have and a shaking raft, you can do it during the ladies will give hang around and one will often say, “I wish consequences is part of this process too. A teenage years. my boyfriend was here to hear that.” toddler discovers they are not connected to In his book Children of Promise, Dr Timothy sex hoping to How old is your boyfriend, I ask. “Oh he’s their mother. A teenager discovers they are Stuart tells of taking on a low decile high get love, and you 23,” comes the reply. What a sad situation. not connected to their parents, and have a school in New Mexico. Sixty nine per cent of I think of the TV show Buffy the Vampire natural, healthy desire to go for it on their own. the students were of American Indian origin. young men will Slayer, where Buffy has to deal with the That is why parent coaching is vital for their Poverty, drunkenness, divorce and single uncertainty of her parents’ generation future development. I encourage parents to parenting made most of the students at risk. give love hoping knowing she is an unprotected generation. have a vision of what sort of 18-year-old they Stuart took on the challenge of turning it to get sex.” How come the scriptwriters got it so right in want to launch on the world. around, and in fi ve years he had one of the their description of today’s teenagers? Without a vision you won’t have a goal highest graduation rates of any high school I think today’s young people just need and without a goal you won’t know where you in the US. great parent coaches who will teach them are going. Your teenager will challenge your Each morning as he looked at his students emotional intelligence which is summed up parenting – it is called individuating. They are in assembly, he would view them like one as being able to: learning to bump up against adults to learn of those crazy 3D pictures – he looked past • communicate with others how to be an adult. If parents back away, what he saw, to see self-confi dent, educated • empathise with others and then the teenager will try to individuate with graduates. He searched for the dream God • delay gratifi cation until the task is their peers. The problem is their peers have no had placed within each one of their hearts achieved maturity, and so they don’t learn the major and gave them the skills to fulfi l it. Our teenagers need to know we are lessons of life. Our organisation, Parents Inc, has seven proud of them as young adults, and we are So, it is important parents consider three young presenters who, through the “attitude on their side so that they may be successful things. programme,” take our mental health and fulfi lled in every area of living. Firstly, what are some of the dire curriculum into high schools. Every so often, Finally, your teenager needs parents who consequences that can result from your through circumstances, I get wheeled in. are virtue-based, and strong enough morally teenager acting on feelings without I start my talk by saying: “Ladies and and spiritually to become trusted kicking thinking? gentlemen, it’s an honour to talk to you today posts for their teenagers to bump up against, • Second, how can you help your teenager because you are the most challenging group to produce people who will leave this world think before they act? – you are making decisions now that could a better place so enjoy the rapids. 16 >IAN GRANT

Enjoying the white GETTY IMAGES knuckle

ride GETTY IMAGES Texting times for parents

Teenagers need to know their parents are proud of them writes Ian Grant, founder of Parents Inc Vikki Bland reports on the costs, risks and benefi ts of children owning a mobile phone

hy can’t I have a mobile phone when the police and organisations such as Netsafe to he most common comment I get from • Third, what sort of questions would you change the rest of your lives”. all my friends do?” If this plaintive combat text bullying. parents whose offspring have just use to help your teenager debrief and I then say I want to talk about the two ARE CELLPHONES SAFE? phrase is wearing you down, you’re For example, if a Telecom Mobile customer hit puberty is, “I don’t know what’s assess decisions and choices they have great human fears: Can I love and will I be W T not alone. Confusion over when to buy a child Parents reports text bullying and keeps evidence of the International health organisations provide happened to my lovely 12-year-old. It’s like made? loved? At this point 2000 young people go a mobile phone is common, say researchers. On incidents, the company’s call investigation centre the following tips for safer mobile use for an alien has possessed them”. Today’s culture is dynamically opposed to quiet. top of that are the costs and worries about text need to can issue a warning to the bully; swap the victim children: limit children’s use of mobile I smile and say, “Welcome to the world of parenting teenagers with dignity and respect, Half way through my talk I say, “Do you message bullying. to a new phone number, or bar the bully from the parenting teenagers.” so it is an extra challenge for parents. mind if I talk to you about sex? Because if you consider phones to essential calls, set rules around the Vodafone’s Sheryl Kurte says the company network. Stockman says threats of harm should The tragedy is so many parents give up at A family therapist friend said to me the are into permissive sex, you young ladies will length of time spent on calls; where possible doesn’t market phones or services to children phone safety be reported to the police. this stage of their child’s development. They other day that 90 per cent of his work with give sex hoping to get love, and you young use the phone only in areas of good signal under 16, but concedes many of its customers are As far as language and social development either think their teenager is past parenting adults would be removed if their parents had men will give love hoping to get sex. strength; and encourage the use of headsets younger than that. for their child, goes, sociologists say teenagers still spend hours or they don’t want to open the Pandora’s debriefed them each night as a child. In other “Can I ask you young ladies, do you mind and hands-free features. “Many parents and caregivers buy children talking when a text message won’t suffi ce, and Box of every one of their instructions being words, allow children to see their day’s events that your sexual encounter is just a notch including phones,” says Kurte. “But they also need to be mobile phone communications that lead to challenged. through the mature eyes of their parents. on his belt? Because at this age that is all it mindful of the risks.” text bullying social misunderstandings are to be expected — phone companies. Account plans could allow There are two important stages of a child’s My colleague John Cowan and I wrote means to him. And if all you have learnt is to Annie Stockman of Telecom Mobile says there whether young people pass notes, gossip or use phone users to run up a bill totalling thousands of development where they desperately need The White Water Rafting Years – A Common wear a condom, that is like a mother saying is no magic age for a child to have a mobile and mobile technologies such as the mobile phone, teenage dollars that would have to be paid. good parenting: the toddler stage when they Sense Guide to Parenting Teenagers. The title to a three-year-old; ‘I know that you love phone. Instead, parents should pro gress through a relationship issues will always exist. Parents can give their children a prepay discover the word no, and when puberty says it all. When you are parenting teenagers running on the road dear, mummy will buy ‘stranger mental checklist. For example, is the child mature However, the effects of mobile phone use card with the understanding that it is to last for a kicks in. The great challenge at both these you are going through the white water rapids you a crash helmet and teach you how to enough not to lose or constantly drop the phone? danger’ on language development are probably less specifi c time. They will quickly learn to manage stages is to teach them not to feel and then — and it’s hard to give life instructions in the dodge cars’. Parents also need to consider phone safety for benign. There’s plenty of linguists who say people their phone time or buy their own top ups. act — but rather feel, think, and act. fi zz and spray of those rapids. The best time is “If you are “The tragedy of your generation is you their child, including discussing text bullying in their 20s regularly use text language in letters A child’s fi rst mobile phone should cost less Everyone agrees dysfunctional behaviour the quiet part — the 6-11 years where values, think sex leads to intimacy. I would suggest and “mobile stranger danger”. Children must be and emails as a result of teenage texting. than $150 and look for one that comes with a is to feel and act. “I feel angry so I hit out, I feel virtues and good manners are worked on. into permissive that you have intimacy before you have taught never to respond to a text or give out their Controlling costs is probably more of a free sim card and phone credit. To buy or not to horny so I’ve got to have sex, I feel like that so But don’t be discouraged, it’s never too sex.” sex, you young phone number to someone they don’t know. concern. Parents should put their children on a buy is probably no longer the question . Rather, I take it.” late and if you could put up with a bit of spray When I fi nish my talk, the girl prefects Stockman says Telecom works alongside prepay plan, not an on-account plan, say mobile when, what for, and under what conditions. Teaching your teenager that actions have and a shaking raft, you can do it during the ladies will give hang around and one will often say, “I wish consequences is part of this process too. A teenage years. my boyfriend was here to hear that.” toddler discovers they are not connected to In his book Children of Promise, Dr Timothy sex hoping to How old is your boyfriend, I ask. “Oh he’s their mother. A teenager discovers they are Stuart tells of taking on a low decile high get love, and you 23,” comes the reply. What a sad situation. not connected to their parents, and have a school in New Mexico. 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