NAME DATE

Prisoner of Benda

part 1

Tonight at 11:00... Doom! Of course I’m not planning to steal Boy, that thing’s big. that crown! Fry, is my colossal eye too big? - What? - No, it’s what makes you you. - True. - But it’s so round, so hideously I’ve always dreamed of being an round. emperor. You know, for Halloween, , listen. You’re the most and then forever. beautiful woman I’ve ever known. But heisting those jewels would be - Oh. So you only care about my difficult. looks? - You’d be stupid to try. - No, I... What? - I’ll need accomplices. A sexy vamp Finally, New New York got a blast to distract and tie up the guard. of class today as Nikolai, playboy Never! ruler of the Robo-Hungarian Empire, A claw man to slip past the metal arrived aboard his extravagant detector and cut the alarm wires. caviar-powered yacht. Sorry, I’m set for life after that last I am just a humble emperor with a job. big, big crown! And finally, a chump, to be caught on video and later arrested. As I told you on Sucker-Punch Day, I’m through being a chump. Of course, it would all require split- second robotic timing. That’s where I come in. You see, I own a watch.

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 2

There. This time I’m sure I’ve fixed - Let’s find out. the mind switcher. It didn’t work, you doddering old... Good, I’m sick of cleaning up those Ah! Cartilage! heaps of dead monkeys. Dude, I bid you a fond cowabunga. But why would you want your mind I’m off to laugh at the Reaper. in a new body? Well, as a man enters his 18th decade, he thinks back on the mistakes he’s made in life. Like the heaps of dead monkeys? Science cannot move forward without heaps! No, what I regret is the youth I wasted playing it safe. - I wasted my youth porking out. - Yes, I remember. Would you please take that down? It’s making me hungry. Funny, I could use a little extra meat on my bones. Wait a second! If we switched bodies, I could live life to the extreme, and you could indulge your demonic food lust. We’re just the people this mind switcher was made for by us! - Wait, can I still change my mind?

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 3

Look out, world, here I... minds, they can never switch back. I’m sorry, Amy, but your body’s not However, perhaps they can. up to the task. Also, I don’t care for these boobs Maybe we can swap back using a flapping every which way. third body for temporary storage Now, quit your bologna-gargling and space. let’s switch back into our original I’m 60% storage space. bodies. You are? I... Mmm? Well, I’m off to the royal yacht for a quick seduce-and-snatch. See you! Now, then, Amy, we’ll simply switch bodies, and then we’ll... We’ll...No, I’d be back in my body, but then you and would be switched. And the Amy and Bender bodies can’t trade minds again, since they Body-switching, eh? Mayhap the just did. heist is back on. Oh, no! Is it possible to get everyone Who needs accomplices, if I can just back to normal using four or more use their bodies? bodies? Professor, what’s not happening? I’m not sure.I’m afraid we need to Bad news, me. I failed to take use math. into account the cerebral immune response. You idiot! Once two bodies have switched

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 4

Stupid air-needing lungs. The crown jewels. Now I just have to locate the guard and seduce him in... - Four seconds? Who goes there? Three, two, one. Hello, big boy. Silence! I am Basil, the Emperor’s cousinand chief of his royal guard. And I shall not be seduced by a... Professor? What’s the matter? I’m Amy. The Professor and I switched bodies. Oh, lord. All I wanted was to gorge myself a little, but I can’t digest anything with these false teeth and this hit-or-miss colon. At least you get a senior discount at the movies. I hate paying $14 to see Nicolas Cage solve things. If you want to save $2, we could switch bodies. Hmm. We can always switch back, right?

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 5

Hey, Leela. Go ahead, ask me something only a Mmm. What smells saturated? robot would know. Deep-fried ice cream sandwich A reverse Turing Test, eh? Very good. wrapped in frosting and lightly - What is the square root of nine? baconed. - Uh, hold on, let me just get out a Whoa. That sounds like something pencil. Amy would say and eat. Okay, look, I’m not that kind of I am Amy. Leela and I used the robot. I’m more this kind of robot. Professor’s mind-switching machine. - He steps forwards but moves So Leela’s in your body? backwards. Not exactly. - By the gods! He is a machine!

Aha! You do only like me for my body! That is entirely not true, sir! Now to go switch bodies with , sneak past the metal detector and clip the alarm wires, all in less than...Ten minutes ago? Oh! Uh, could you come back when my chump gets here? Now, then, what is a filthy human doing aboard my royal yacht? With all due respect, Your Majesty, I’m a robot like you. I just switched bodies with some bimbo.

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 6

No, that won’t restore everyone, I am Nonchalanto, the robot either. Besides, I don’t want my daredevil. decrepit old body back! And my dream is to risk my life in I’m running away with this strange and original ways. invincible robot body and joining Hmm. You don’t look so foolhardy to something. me. Look, I paid for 15 robot clowns per That’s the dumbest thing anybody’s cubic meter of car, and you’re barely ever done. You’re hired! giving me 12. Now, crumple up and get in...And fasten your seatbelts. Come on! Good day.

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 7

So you’re a common bending robot, But wait, I’m supposed to give a with a human peasant roommate? speech at the U.N. Tomorrow. Oh, crap, that is what I am! - Can I trust you to do it? No, Bender, I envy you. - You can trust anything. I’m so bored with all these pretentious trappings. The jewels, the parties, the beautiful robo-women. Hello. My fiancée, Princess Flavia. Dearest, meet Bender. He’s a robot in the body of a Chinese Martian physicist. How tedious. Oh, to escape this gilded cage for a day. You know, we could trade bodies. I could take over the humdrum royal stuff, and you could be a regular Joe for a day. Or more. Much more. In that horrid non-robot body? Sir, I have my standards. Ah, but what if I could put you in my fabulous bending-robot body? Me, posing as a lowly bending unit? How wicked!

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 8

So now Leela’s all crotchety because Wait here and earn interest while I she thinks I’m not attracted to her in find my robot body. the Professor’s body. - Professor? - You aren’t, are you? - Leela. Amy? - Of course not! Bender. Have you seen my body? But I was willing to lie about it. I think the Professor’s in it. What more can a man do? Yeah, he said something about A man can give her a toke of her running away. own . - Then he ran away. Yes! I could put my mind into a - What? Whither? hideous body and show Leela she’s not attracted to me. But it would have to be a really, really disgusting body. Friends! Friends! I’ve got barnacles on my tuchus. The long search is over.

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 9

What am I gonna do? shut up? I got an emperor all patsied up to Move it, Fry! switch bodies, but only with another - Well, so long. robot! - Wait! Washbucket full. - Point me to my normal human Scruffy’s work here is done. roommate! Now to find Emperor Von - That’s him there. Maybe. Richendoof. Got to go! Now to find Scruffy. Robot? Yes, ‘tis I, Bender. Do you not recognize your own best friend? Aha! The guy in this body has a friend! Bender, old pal! It’s me, the Fry!

Switch bodies? I don’t see why not. I also don’t see why. In your face, Leela. If you’re a bender, why is your body full of fetid water? If you’re an emperor, why don’t you

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 10

But then Nicolas Cage discovered the me! real treasure was his family. - Would not! Yes, I’ll hold. - Oh, yeah? Hey, Leela, look! I’m in Zoidberg! Then I challenge you to a romantic Fry? dinner at Elzar’s tonight. You’re not so shallow that you find It’s on. me repulsive because of my body, are you? Sweet orca of Not at all. Majorca! Amy? Stop it! You make Fat Fry, help! Albert look like Normal Albert! She’s turning me into a parade float. I don’t know what to do. Ew! Look at her! Do you think I should eat more Oh. So you’re so butter? shallow that my I am putting a stop to this right now! body disgusts Come on. We’re switching bodies. you if it puts on a Hermes, no! I’ll ruin your body, too! little extra weight? Three decades of the munchies beat - That wasn’t a little extra weight. you to it. Admit it! You don’t care about the inner me at all! No, you admit it! You’d be ashamed to be seen in public with someone as hideous as

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 11

You make quite a show, young man. I have everything I ever wanted. You remind me of myself as a young Money, wealth, riches. Yet cannon. something’s missing. A hot princess Big Bertha is the circus’s grande with whom to get grizzly. dame. She shoots robots through the - Hello. air. - Hello, baby! Excuse me. Too much goulash. Huh? Hey, what’s going on here? I’ve always wanted to be shot out of And why are you kissing my dashing something. How about a quick blast cousin after lunch? instead of Alas, a fine big one like you would me? shatter my barrel. But, ah, to amaze Nikolai, you the crowd once more. imperial I understand the problems of age, fool. We’ve but suppose I could put you in a new been having an affair for 700 years. body? At long last, I shall kill you, blame Never! My the burglar and inherit the throne. body may Farewell, Nikolai. be old, but it Wait! I’m not Nikolai! I’m Bender, is mine, and the fabulous body-switching burglar. every crack So you are. However, you do have a memory of Nikolai’s body, and that’s the part heavy things shot a long way. Good we want to kill. day!

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 12

Great food, huh? that you know how Ew! to find. I’m sorry, Leela. Uh...Relax, Bender. I hope that didn’t make you I’ll dry up that leak ashamed to be seen with me. with this heating box. No, it only makes you more Ah, cigars. Light me up, old friend. attractive. Ew! There you are, Emperor Nikolai. It’s Oh! Did my bodily infirmity time for your speech to the U.N. embarrass you? What now? Not at all. It’s just another thing that makes you a very special lady. - Miss Wong? - No, Scruffy, I am - Admit it! You’re disgusted by me! Washbucket. - No, you’re I love you. disgusted by me! Washbucket has - I’m as attracted always loved to you as I’ve ever you. been! This is wrong, - Prove it! Washbucket. Oh, it would be sweet for a while, Well, Bender, here’s our apartment but in the back of our minds, we’d that we live in every day. know that I’m a man and you’re A floor? We live like kings! janitorial equipment. Kings? Silence! Like you, I’m a In another city, we could be anyone common lout. we want! Now fetch me some working-class Go. Go now, before I beg you to stay. cognac from our brandy storeroom Yep.

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 13

Please welcome an insane dictator, and one heck of a bowler, Emperor Nikolai! Thanks, Nixon. How we doing? I love you, Your Majesty! - Shut up, Madame Ambassador! I know it! Anyhow, I’d now like to digress from my prepared remarks to say I’m done! Me! Thank God you’ve come! Ladies and gentlemen, this robot is This is for Big Bertha! an impostor! That is not what I meant to give you - I shall enjoy this. for Big Bertha. - Not me! - That was nice. - Oh, yeah. That devil, Basil, will kill our emperor. Ow! Ow! You’re Robo-Hungarian? Whoever you are, you’re the bravest Yes. Our nation’s chief export is robot I’ve ever seen. I like killing carnies. brave things. If only there were some way I could Good! Because I’ve got 20 of them get to the U.N. to help. per cubic meter. There is. Get in, Nonchalanto. When I grow up, I want to be a Bertha, no! It would kill you! diplomat! I have not so much time left anyhow. Well, if there’s But you could get a new body! You one thing I’ve could have a rich, full life! learned, it’s a I am trying to have a rich, full life! lesson. Long live Robo-Hungary!

LAURA PICKENS [email protected] NAME DATE

futurama Prisoner of Benda

part 14

I believe this belongs to you. I shall sell it to help the common folk, now that I understand their misery. Yeah, good luck with that. I must say, Hermes, you’ve got a smoking-hot body. I was inspired by Amy. restored using, at most, two extra - Wow! How’d you do it? players. - Well, there I was at Elzar’s, eating And they say pure math has no real- a nice pork sundae, and suddenly, I world applications! just lost my appetite. Forever. Everybody back in their zones? Q to the E to the D! - Yes sir! So it is possible for us all to get back - Yes! to our original bodies? Ah! My body may be old, but it is Stone-cold munching, Prof. mine. Sweet Clyde, characterize your Brilliant work, Clyde! inversion theorem. You’ll win the NBA’s highest Basically, no matter how permuted- academic honor for this. up your minds are, they can be Also, I’m making you a duke. - So long, filthy commoners! - Adios! And I’m left with the real jewels safely inside... His compartment? All right. I’ll need accomplices.

LAURA PICKENS [email protected]