$3 Women, Can’t Live With ‘Em....Sammy, Could You Pass The Beer Nuts? $3 The Committed Indian The REal Fan’s Program secondcityhockey.com January 14th, 2009 [email protected] NO MATCH FOR A GOOD BLASTER In the immortal words of Nelson in the playoffs. They’ll need to stop trying to On the back end, Ryan Miller is Muntz, “I guess so.” That’s how we feel about be so cute with the puck, move the fucking quietly having a wonderful season. He’s see- Sunday’s win over the Get-To-The-Chopper’s. thing, and just shoot. Of course, that would ing as many shots per game as anyone else, The Hawks weren’t all that impressive, were give credence to all the mouth-breathers yell- but turning away more of them. He’s been dominated for long stretches of the third ing, “Shoot!” in the crowd, but we’ll make our exceptionally good when the Sabres are on period, and really had Khabby to thank for sacrifices where we have to. the kill (more on that inside). He’s had to be, walking away with two points. But, as they say Must...Crush...Capitalism because the Sabres blue-line corps is a pretty on the golf course, “She’s ugly, but she’s got To this evening, and the visit of the middling bunch, if that. We went through the big tits.” Okay, we say that on the golf course, . For a while now, the Sabres Jaroslav Spacek experience here for a bit, and but you get the idea. have been communist vision of a hockey team. are still paying off the bartab we needed to One thing we were heartened to see They’ve been full of fast, small, talented compensate for it. Teppo Numminen is about was the amping up of the physical play, at forwards whom you can’t tell apart and don’t 87-years old, and is a fine puck- least for the first half of the game (of course, stand out, but they’re ruthlessly efficient. Of mover, but somewhat helpless in his own it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact course, whenever they want to cash in, they zone. A Campbell-lite, if you will. that we called for it -- perish the thought). have to go elsewhere than Mother Buffalo. What Did You Learn? There was one stretch in the first during This vintage isn’t too much differ- We know one thing; the Sabres will which, all five Hawks on the ice knocked ent, although the scoring isn’t spread out in not come here to shut us down. They’re someone on their ass. It brought back memo- such a socialist manner. The Sabres do come also not physically imposing, so more of that ries of the old Stadium when Mike Keenan equipped with the league’s second lead- someone-shit-in-my-cereal style we saw from used to start Roenick, Jocelyn Lemieux (who ing -scorer in , and his the Hawks on Sunday would be welcome to- was incapable of stopping on skates), and underrated, silly-talented center, Derek Roy. night. However, they’re going to face an even Dirk Graham and just have them run through Joining them on the top-line has been the all- better PK tonight than that of the Preds’, so people for a shift to get the crowd salivat- around play of , but past that, hopefully, they’ve found a clue on how to deal ing. The Hawks should do this more often. the Sabres have really struggled to find scor- with it in the past two days. The Sabres love The UC is becoming quite the fortress with its ing. This is not the run n’ gun, free-scoring to get up and down the ice just as much as 20,000-strong, but if they can get that 20K bunch you remember from a couple years the Hawks, but they aren’t as good at it. This baying for blood from the get-go, a lot of ago. Past the aforementioned trio, only rookie could be a real barn-burner, and one that will teams will not fancy playing there at all. Clarke MacArthur has broken the 10+ goal leave Dustin Byfuglien needing oxygen. We hate to beat the drum again mark. -Holden Caulfield (apologies for insulting your lifestyle, Todd Rundgren) but Ladd-Bolland-Havlat were once again the best players on the ice, and by a wide margin as well. We’re going to have to stop referring to them as the Hawks’ third line. In these modern times, the Hawks have come up with a hybrid for energy efficiency. Instead of using two lines to check the op- ponents’ top threat and provide scoring, the Hawks use one. Obama and Gore would be proud. But this isn’t a long-term solution for the Hawks. They’re going to have to get Toews going sooner rather than later, and fig- ure out whether Kane is really healthy or not, and get him some rest if he isn’t. Also, Sharp needs to figure out how to get it between the posts again (You thought we’d make a sex joke there, didn’t you? Is that really what you think of us?). Pushing Down On Me, Pushing Down On You One thing we did find slightly alarm- ing was the utter uselessness of the Hawks power play against Nashville. It’s not as if teams won’t have access to video of these games and see how badly the Hawks struggled against a high-pressure -kill system. You can bet your sweet ass they’ll see it again and again, especially late in the season and “Gee ladies, I’d love to, but I’m not really a center.” No Longer Shaking Us All Night Long

There seems to be a problem surrounding the Blackhawks As it stands I have some suggestions: in the midst of their revival. Have you noticed it? I can’t see how people have managed to avoid addressing it. It shines much If we score in the third period against the Wings how about brighter than the need for a center, or a top-six forward. It’s more REM ‘End of the World’? pressing than the inflated salary line, and is more confusing than I think it would be appropriate when our fourth line scores dressing Craig Adams. to play some Fogerty, maybe ‘Center Field’? By now I’m sure that you know we’re Even better yet, why not just let Frank talking about the song played whenever the Tragically Hip Hockey wail away? I’m pretty sure that would get me Hawks score a goal. Seriously folks, it’s embar- psyched, and you know even if it didn’t, at least rassing. Actually, the entire game experience it wouldn’t feel like I was playing NHL ’06 in a could use some tweaks. dorm room when we lit the lamp. First of all, let’s address the song itself. During the game the selections are just Do you remember that Trio song? You know, the as confusing. I’m no huge fan of modern music, “Da Da Da” song that they used in the Volkswa- but why does the UC insist on playing stuff from gen commercials? Why in the hell would they 1996? If you aren’t going to go current totally speed that song up to 78 RPM and play it when then why focus on the most boring decade in we score a goal? I’m not saying that they should Kevin Kujawa memory? Go back to the sixties or at the least be playing Sonic Youth or something, but how seventies and up the class. Be judicious. This about a song that doesn’t make us look like the way, we don’t have to listen to Bush (remember lead in a Geico commercial. Something, and I’m just spit-balling them?) during faceoffs. Call me a snob, call me a hipster, but in here…good, y’know? At first, I thought there was something that I your heart of hearts, you really don’t like the Nickelback hit from was missing and so I went and asked Brent Sopel to go ahead and five years ago. translate some of the “lyrics”. Even Brent, who is well versed in grunting and awkward communication, has no idea what the fuck is Kevin has been a passionate Hawks fan ever since he can remem- being said while we watch Vince Vaughn and Will Ferrell dance. ber being left alone in the Stadium when his dad went to go smoke. He’s also the lead singer/guitarist for Mannequin Men and Cali- brated Crematorium, Chicago bands that actually kick ass. NHL STANDINGS *late game not included

Eastern Conference Western Conference

W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY W L OTL PTS GF GA HOME AWAY 1 Boston 32 7 4 68 157 95 17-3-1 15-4-3 1 San Jose* 31 5 5 67 143 98 19-0-2 12-5-3 2 Washington 27 14 3 57 141 130 18-3-1 9-11-2 2 Scum 29 7 6 64 157 118 16-3-2 13-4-4 3 NY Rangers 26 15 4 56 120 118 14-8-2 12-7-2 3 Calgary* 25 12 4 54 130 121 15-4-3 10-8-1 4 25 11 6 56 133 112 14-4-4 11-7-2 4 HAWKS 23 10 7 53 143 103 13-2-4 10-8-3 5 Philadelphia 23 11 9 55 142 128 14-5-3 9-6-6 5 Vancouver * 22 17 5 49 127 120 11-8-2 11-9-3 6 New Jersey* 24 15 3 51 127 110 13-8-1 11-7-2 6 Anaheim 22 17 5 49 126 124 13-9-3 9-8-2 7 Buffalo 21 16 5 47 120 117 12-9-2 9-7-3 7 Phoenix* 21 17 5 47 106 120 15-6-2 6-11-3 8 Carolina 21 18 5 47 112 132 12-9-1 9-9-4 8 Columbus 21 18 4 46 115 117 13-6-1 8-12-3 9 Florida 20 16 6 46 120 119 10-5-3 10-11-3 9 Edmonton 21 18 3 45 118 125 9-8-3 12-10-0 10 Pittsburgh 21 19 4 46 134 137 9-9-2 12-10-2 10 Colorado 22 20 1 45 116 124 13-8-0 9-12-1 11 Toronto 16 21 6 38 124 154 8-9-4 8-12-2 11 * 20 18 3 43 100 94 11-7-3 9-11-0 12 Tampa Bay* 13 19 10 36 104 128 4-7-7 9-12-3 12 Nashville 20 20 3 43 106 121 12-7-1 8-13-2 13 Ottawa 14 21 6 34 98 120 10-7-3 4-14-3 13 Dallas 18 17 6 42 117 140 10-6-3 8-11-3 14 Atlanta 14 24 5 33 124 157 7-12-2 7-12-3 14 L.A.* 17 19 6 40 104 117 12-10-6 5-9-0 15 NY Islanders 12 27 4 28 110 156 7-10-2 5-17-2 15 St. Louis 16 22 3 35 119 138 10-9-2 6-13-1

TOP 10 LIST PUCK DROP , Anti- Top 10 Blackhawks Pick-Up Lines Hitchcock, and Head 10. “Hi, my name is Adam, and I like to put my face where it doesn’t Coach, Buffalo: We’ve belong.” made no secret of our 9. “No no, babe. When they say they gave me the ‘C’, that doesn’t dislike of Ken Hitch- mean The Clap.” cock, the anti-hockey 8. “Yes, I won Rookie of The Year. But don’t worry, I turned legal last coach of Columbus. Therefore, we must month.” show an appreciation 7. “Hi, I wear #2 and I’m good on both ends.” for Lindy Ruff. Ruff 6. “Want to find out exactly why they call me The Sharp-Shooter?” has always preached an 5. “I’m the head coach, and you won’t find a better moustache to up-tempo, free-wheeling style of play, even take a ride on in all of sports.” when he didn’t have the talent to win with it. Sabres fans complain about the ‘99 Finals, 4. “I’m leading rookie scorer, wanna help pad my lead?” but they really should be upset at the Hockey 3. “I’m Cris. I’m French and I’m rich. Need I say more?” Gods for the ‘06 East Finals against Carolina, 2. “They call me Soupy, and I need help in my own end.” (I think we when they lost almost every d-man to injury, just called 51 Phantom gay. Apologies.) likely costing them their best at a Cup. A 1. “Hi, I’m Troy. Wanna send me down before the Hawks do?” Cup which would have affirmed Ruff’s career, which he richly deserves. 23-10-7

We’re going to start a petition to get Ladd some PP time. Not only could he hardly be worse at being in front of the net than Buff, but at even strength Ladd has been a hellion in puck retrieval and causing turnovers. Unleash that with the man-advantage and that could be an additional 10-20 seconds in the attacking zone.

# Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary 88 R Patrick Kane 5'10" 187 19 38 16 26 42 2 26 8 0 2 115 13.9 $3,725,000 24 R The Perfect Beard 6'2" 217 27 40 12 22 34 16 14 4 0 1 115 10.4 $6,000,000 10 L The Sharp-Shooter 6'1" 197 26 40 20 14 34 1 32 7 0 4 123 16.3 $3,900,000 32 L VerStud 5'10" 180 22 39 13 20 33 14 43 4 2 2 73 17.8 $491,667 19 C Marvel 6'2" 209 20 40 11 21 32 5 27 3 0 2 92 12 $2,800,000 51 D 51 Phantom 6'0" 188 29 40 7 22 29 7 6 4 0 1 57 12.3 $7,142,875 16 L Nails 6'2" 198 22 40 8 18 26 18 16 0 0 0 96 8.3 $1,550,000 2 D Duncan Keith 6'1" 194 25 40 5 20 25 22 20 1 1 1 83 6 $1,475,000 36 C Dave Bolland 6'0" 188 22 40 8 16 24 13 18 0 1 2 56 14.3 $845,833 33 R Dustin Byfuglien 6'3" 247 23 37 9 9 18 3 51 3 0 2 101 8.9 $3,000,000 25 D Cam Barker 6'3" 213 22 27 3 14 17 -4 17 3 0 1 32 9.4 $2,768,587 22 R Troy Brouwer 6'2" 213 23 33 5 10 15 7 34 2 0 0 56 8.9 $675,000 7 D 6'3" 220 23 40 4 8 12 13 39 1 1 0 64 6.3 $3,500,000 46 C Colin Fraser 6'1" 188 23 40 3 8 11 3 42 0 0 0 31 9.7 $500,000 55 L Ben Eager 6'2" 220 24 36 8 2 10 2 76 0 0 0 36 22.2 $568,000 23 D Aaron Johnson 6'1" 211 25 23 3 4 7 17 14 0 0 1 17 17.6 $600,,000 43 D James Wisniewski 6'0" 207 24 11 0 6 6 1 4 0 0 0 31 0 $900,000 28 R Craig Adams 6'0" 197 31 25 2 4 6 -1 16 1 0 0 29 6.9 $600,000 37 R Adam Burish 6'1" 189 25 24 2 2 4 0 49 0 0 1 32 6.3 $712,500 8 D Matt Walker 6'3" 214 28 28 0 2 2 5 37 0 0 0 34 0 $600,000

We’ve given Sharpie enough grief about his face-offs, but he’s at face-offs, about his We’ve given Sharpie enough grief games. 54% in his last 5 5 D Brent Sopel 6'1" 211 31 23 1 1 2 -4 8 0 0 1 15 6.7 $2,333,333 Totals/Averages 6'1" 203.75 24.17 141 249 598 41 5 1302 10.83% $44,119,795

*injured

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 39 Nikolai Khabibulin 6'1" 209 35 22 1274 2.31 13 3 4 1 666 49 0.926 0 2 4 $6,750,000 38 Cristobal Huet 6'1" 205 33 20 1152 2.45 10 7 3 2 549 47 0.914 0 0 0 $5,625,000 Totals/Averages 6'1" 207 34 42 2426 2.38 23 10 7 3 1215 96 0.920 0 2 4 $12,375,000 TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $57,283,000 CAP SPACE: $274,000*

Probable Pairings Probable Lines *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 51 Campbell 8 Walker 55 Eager 10 Sharp 88 Kane 2 Keith 7 Seabrook Injury List 32 Versteeg 19 Toews 33 Byfuglien 43 Wisniewski 25 Barker 16 Ladd 36 Bolland 24 Havlat 37 Burish 46 Fraser 28 Adams

16 years ago, David Stern sent me to ruin the NHL. I have done every- thing I can think of to drive the core I am so close to completing the task fan away, strip hockey of all that’s Stern charged me with.... great about it, and eliminate any at- tention by the mainstream media... Buff-A-Slugs 21-16-5

This is second in the league behind Selanne, but unlike Teemu, The Sabres have 4 players who are Vanek bothers to score at other times, too. a plus. Compare that to the Hawks’ 17. # Pos Player Ht WT AGE GP G A P +/- PIM PP SH GW S S% Salary 9 C Derek Roy 5' 9" 188 25 42 16 24 40 2 20 3 0 6 114 14 $3,500,000 26 L Thomas Vanek 6' 2" 208 24 42 27 12 39 -2 28 12 2 4 145 18.6 $8,000,000 29 R 6' 0" 186 26 42 12 19 31 -3 12 4 1 1 119 10.1 $1,375,000 21 R Drew Stafford 6' 2" 202 23 39 9 16 25 6 10 3 0 0 95 9.5 $984,000 6 D Jaroslav Spacek 5' 11" 204 34 42 1 20 21 -1 16 1 0 0 62 1.6 $3,300,000 41 L Clarke MacArthur 5' 11" 191 23 41 11 9 20 -7 30 5 0 0 64 17.2 $522,000 12 R Ales Kotalik 6' 1" 227 30 35 8 12 20 -4 20 4 0 1 105 7.6 $2,500,000 55 C 6' 1" 191 31 32 4 9 13 -10 25 2 1 1 74 5.4 $3,525,000 44 D Andrej Sekera 6' 0" 191 22 42 1 12 13 -9 12 1 0 0 53 1.9 $675,000 20 L Daniel Paille 6' 0" 197 24 40 4 9 13 -6 6 0 0 0 43 9.3 $1,125,000 61 R ** 6' 0" 191 29 34 2 10 12 -14 12 0 0 0 64 3.1 $3,333,333 27 D Teppo Numminen 6' 2" 198 40 42 1 11 12 -4 18 1 0 0 28 3.6 $1,100,000 22 C 6' 1" 208 29 42 5 6 11 2 76 0 0 1 40 12.5 $750,000 28 C 6' 5" 225 26 28 4 6 10 -2 28 1 0 1 54 7.4 $1,700,000 5 D Toni Lydman 6' 1" 204 31 41 1 9 10 -5 24 0 0 0 38 2.6 $3,150,000 19 C Tim Connolly 6' 1" 190 27 8 2 5 7 0 0 0 0 0 22 9.1 $3,500,000 10 D Henrik Tallinder 6' 3" 214 30 38 1 5 6 -1 16 0 0 1 20 5 $2,900,000 52 D Craig Rivet 6' 2" 210 34 24 0 5 5 -6 45 0 0 0 21 0 $3,500,000 37 L Matt Ellis 6' 0" 207 27 18 4 1 5 1 4 0 0 1 23 17.4 $475,000 36 R ** 5' 11" 195 22 23 2 1 3 -3 50 0 0 0 13 15.4 $500,000 38 D 6' 1" 198 25 11 0 2 2 -5 4 0 0 0 10 0 $850,000 76 L 6' 4" 247 28 24 0 1 1 -2 76 0 0 0 8 0 $550,000 34 D Chris Butler 6' 1" 178 22 10 0 1 1 4 2 0 0 0 9 0 $560,000 Totals/Averages 6' 0" 202.17 27.48 116 207 542 37 4 1260 9.21% $48,374,333

# Goalie HT WT AGE GPI Min GAA W L OT SO SA GA Sv% G A PIM Salary 30 Ryan Miller 6' 2" 166 28 35 2060 2.50 19 11 4 3 1043 86 0.918 0 0 4 $3,500,000 40 Patrick Lalime 6' 3" 189 34 9 486 3.09 2 5 1 0 230 25 0.891 0 0 0 $1,000,000 Totals/Averages 6' 2" 177.5 31 2546 2.64 21 16 5 3 1273 111 0.912 0 0 4 $4,500,000 ** injured This is 4th most in the league, and he’s 3rd in shots-against per game. TOTAL CAP NUMBER: $50,624,000 Miller has also faced the 5th most shots when the Sabres are down a CAP SPACE: $6,076,000* man, but the Sabres are 3rd in PK, so Miller’s been as good as anyone. Probable Lines Probable Pairings *space also affected by buyouts and injured players Left Wing Center Right Wing 52 Rivet 5 Lydman Injury List 26 Vanek 9 Roy 21 Stafford 44 Sekera 6 Spacek Maxim Afinogenov-Out (Groin) 41 MacArthur 55 Hecht 29 Pominville 34 Butler 27 Numminen Patrick Kaleta- Out (Head) 20 Paille 28 Gaustad 12 Kotalik 37 Ellis 19 Connolly 22 Mair

...IS THIS THE YEAR? The Rocky & John PR Firm

Call Today At: 800-whos-www The Fight Card

HAWKS vs. SABRES Fight Stats provided by Hockeyfights.com

GAME FIGHT TIME Bloody Black Bruised Just Analysis Nose Eye Ego Dancing 3-22-92 Belfour v. 2nd. The only fight we can remember LaFontaine ? between the teams, and it wasn’t even √ √ that. Eddie, after being just awful for a period and a half, races out of his crease to waylay LaFontaine into the corner, setting off a mass-brawl and earning himself about 6 game-misconducts. Just hilarious.

What To Watch For: Not much. The Sabres are a lot like the Hawks, in that there are very few players who like to engage in passionate discussions. Their main antagonist, Andrew Peters, is only brought out against Ottawa to deal with , it seems. Adam Mair has engaged a few times, but this is probably an encounter the fight fans will not look on fondly. Perhaps if the Hawks ramp up the physical play as they did for a section of the Nashville game, the Sabres will get ornery, but that will more likely result in Lindy Ruff wetting himself. Probably a tame one tonight, at least as far as the fisticuffs go.

Power Play Penalty Kill Team Opp PPG PP% Team OPP PPG PP% Team TS PPGA PK% Team TS PPGA PK% DET 179 49 27.4 NJD 155 28 18.1 NYR 171 21 87.7 TBL 211 39 81.5 PHI 160 43 26.9 NYI 179 32 17.9 MIN 146 18 87.7 NJD 165 31 81.2 BOS 160 38 23.8 OTT 168 30 17.9 BUF 170 22 87.1 ANA 228 43 81.1 SJS 192 44 22.9 VAN 197 34 17.3 CGY 182 26 85.7 CBJ 190 36 81 CHI 180 41 22.8 PIT 192 33 17.2 SJS 159 23 85.5 STL 185 36 80.5 WSH 178 40 22.5 COL 175 29 16.6 NSH 200 32 84 DET 179 35 80.4 STL 184 40 21.7 CAR 199 31 15.6 CHI 168 27 83.9 PHX 168 33 80.4 MIN 175 38 21.7 TBL 182 28 15.4 BOS 156 26 83.3 PIT 187 38 79.7 ANA 174 37 21.3 MTL 197 30 15.2 PHI 214 36 83.2 WSH 201 41 79.6 ATL 180 38 21.1 FLA 166 25 15.1 FLA 178 30 83.2 COL 165 35 78.8 BUF 181 37 20.4 DAL 181 26 14.4 LAK 186 32 82.8 CAR 162 36 77.8 TOR 186 37 19.9 NYR 193 27 14 MTL 190 33 82.6 DAL 168 38 77.4 CGY 190 36 19 NSH 173 23 13.3 NYI 193 34 82.4 EDM 179 45 74.9 EDM 187 34 18.2 PHX 189 24 12.7 OTT 170 30 82.4 ATL 184 48 73.9 LAK 188 34 18.1 CBJ 186 20 10.8 VAN 212 39 81.6 TOR 159 43 73 Spotlight Tim Connolly

Sabres fans will line up to tell you that Tim Connolly is as skilled as anyone in the league (they’ll also line up to tell you that Brett Hull’s foot was in the crease in Game 6 of the ‘99 Finals, but it was a bullshit rule anyway so you can tell them to fuck right off). There’s one problem: #19 can’t stay on the ice for more than 10 consecutive seconds, or so it seems. If you think Havlat’s injury history is frustrating, check out Connolly’s. He missed all of ‘03-’04 due to post-concussion syndrome, and all but two games of the ‘06-’07 season for the same reason. He then missed time last year due to bone spurs in his hip, and some time again this season due to cracked vertebrae and another month when Old Man Tkachuk broke one of his ribs. It is likely Connolly will never attain the level that had been projected for him. He is one of the league’s best stick-handlers, but some have argued that that is one of the reasons he keeps getting cracked in the head. Still, when he’s on his game, there are few smoother players than Connolly, who’s always averaged close to a per game when in the lineup. He’s capable of highlight-reel goals, and can make your D-men look Sopel-tastic. The Sabres, and the league, would be better off if he could do it consistently.

The Committed Indian is printed by Royal Omega Graphics- Elk Grove, IL 847-952-8000 [email protected] KNOW THY ENEMY

Tonight, D.O. from the wonderfully-named Die By The Blade (diebythe- I wouldn’t say that he has been the Sabres best player but he has blade.com) goes slumming and joins us to tell us what we need to know improved greatly over the past month or so. He got of to a very slow about the Sabres. Or what we don’t need to know, either way. start and even found himself as a healthy scratch on occasion. He has benefited by playing with Derek Roy most of the season and Thomas Right now, you guys are clinging to a playoff spot in the East, tied Vanek has played on that line as well. with Carolina for 7th. Why will you or won’t you make the playoffs this season? We know Vanek is leading the league in goals, but who else should This is a good question but I’m not sure that anyone can answer it. This Hawk fans be looking out for tonight? Sabres team has been extremely difficult to figure out since day one. Part of the Sabres struggles this year have been their lack of secondary They seem to play really well against the leagues best teams while they scoring. Outside of Vanek they have Derek Roy and Jason Pominville fall prey to the weaker teams. Any team that has beat the that can put the puck in the net. Derek Roy has been the Sabres best three times in five attempts should be a playoff team. My gut tells me player over the past couple of weeks and is probably the best all around that they will be a playoff team but they could easily finish out of the top player on the team. eight. Tim Connolly is back in the lineup after yet another injury hiatus. Ryan Miller’s season looks to be better than advertised, as he’s play- We’ve heard that he might be as talented a player as there is in the ing behind a so-so (at best) blue line. Are we wrong about that? league. Will we ever see it? That seems like an accurate depiction of the Sabres goaltending and As you can imagine, Tim Connolly is the brunt of plenty of injury defensive situation. Miller has looked like the Ryan Miller that was related jokes in Buffalo. When healthy there is nobody that is more cre- playing back in 2006-2007 when the Sabres won the Presidents Trophy. ative than Tim Connolly. Unfortunately he has had his hare of injuries, If you are looking for proof as to how well he has played you need to The Sabres are happy to have him back but every Sabres fan just waits look no further than this past weekend when he stopped 88-of-92 shots for the next injury. It’s a shame but I think that Connolly is one hit away to help the Sabres get two of a possible four points against the from the end of his career. Rangers and . As good as Miller as been the defense has been wildly inconsistent. Toni Lydman has been the Sabres best Don’t take this the wrong way, but how is it being a Sabres fan, in defenseman this season and certainly the most consistent. The blue line that you almost assuredly lose any importantly player you have has also received a boost from rookie Chris Butler who has been solid. when he, y’know, wants money? It’s difficult being a Sabres fan but not fo rthe reasons you’ve stated. A familiar refrain from Hawks fans is that they’re too small and The Sabres have been close numerous times but have never won a get pushed around too much. We know we’ve heard the same thing . Most people that are not in tune with the franchise think about the Sabres in years past, is it still that way? If so, is that a the team loses their best players because of money but reality is that they major concern? choose to spend the money wisely. It’s no secret that they tried to sign It is a concern but I wouldn’t say it’s a huge concern. On most nights and he left to follow his childhood dream of playing for the the Sabres can stand up physically to their opponent. Guys like Adam Rangers but all the other players left because the organization made a Mair, Paul Gaustad and Craig Rivet will throw the body around and drop decision to let them leave. It was a much better decision to pay Derek the gloves if necessary. There is no question the Sabres miss Patrick Roy thatn to pay Danny Briere. They also made a decision to not over- Kaleta who seems to find a way to get under the opponents skin but they pay for who is a talented but not great defenseman. can hold their own.

According to +/- and Behind The Net Ratings, Drew Stafford has been your best all-around player. Is that so?

Hawks-Sabres: the Last 4

Dec. 15th, 2007: Hawks 1, Sabres 3 Jan. 10th, 2007: Sabres 2, Hawks 1 Patrick Kane scores on his first shift back in his Mired in their customary Savard-New-Year-Crash- hometown, and then it pretty much goes downhill and-Burn, Hawks lose their 6th of 7. Powerhouse from there. Ryan Miller stands on his head, if not Sabres never bother to really try, but Hecht and his dick, to keep the Hawks at bay. Afinogenov do enough. Arkhipov scores for Hawks, which lets you know how the night went.

Dec. 3rd, 2003: Sabres 3, Hawks 2 Mar. 22nd, 1992: Sabres 6, Hawks 2 Mired in a 14-game winless streak, Hawks capitu- Too entertaining to not mention again. After getting late tamely to Buffalo. Bryan Berard and Brett lit up for 5 goals in just over 30 minutes, Eddie Bel- McLean score for the Hawks, and just hearing four charges into corner to evicerate Pat LaFontaine those names makes us urpy. into the boards, touching off tasty brawl. Hockey Sabermetrics CHICAGO Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. Example: Kane has faced the toughest opppostion at +.12 QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Aaron Johnson -0.05 -0.16 11.65 4.48 1.34 3.14 2.66 2.01 0.64 2.49 Andrew Ladd 0.03 0.24 12.45 3.85 1.93 1.93 2.65 2.24 0.41 1.52 Martin Havlat -0.02 0.12 13.28 3.61 2.03 1.58 2.72 2.2 0.51 1.07 Duncan Keith 0.04 0.16 18.65 3.46 2.01 1.45 2.64 2.25 0.39 1.05 Dave Bolland 0.04 0.39 12.06 3.73 2.24 1.49 2.71 2.12 0.59 0.91 Kris Versteeg 0.06 -0.2 12.64 3.16 2.07 1.1 2.95 2.25 0.7 0.39 Troy Brouwer 0.02 -0.18 11.38 2.72 1.44 1.28 3.16 2.19 0.96 0.32 Brent Seabrook 0.06 0.4 16.84 2.94 2.05 0.89 3 2.21 0.79 0.1 Matt Walker -0.06 -0.16 12.92 2.98 1.99 0.99 2.86 1.95 0.91 0.08 Colin Fraser -0.14 -0.3 7.8 2.69 1.92 0.77 3.04 2.2 0.84 -0.07 Patrick Kane 0.07 -0.17 13.94 3.17 2.72 0.45 2.65 2 0.65 -0.2 James Wisniewski 0.01 -0.02 15.06 2.17 1.45 0.72 3.24 2.16 1.08 -0.36 Brian Campbell -0.01 -0.18 17.71 3.05 2.46 0.59 2.93 1.96 0.98 -0.39 Dustin Byfuglien 0 0.13 12.07 2.15 1.61 0.54 3.26 2.32 0.94 -0.4 Ben Eager -0.14 -0.19 8.07 2.27 1.65 0.62 3.26 2.14 1.12 -0.5 Jonathan Toews 0.05 -0.01 13.14 2.97 2.62 0.34 2.98 1.96 1.03 -0.68 Adam Burish -0.08 -0.05 6.83 2.56 2.2 0.37 3.27 2.14 1.14 -0.77 Craig Adams -0.19 -0.21 7.67 1.88 1.88 0 3.22 2.29 0.93 -0.93 Patrick Sharp 0 0.04 13.46 2.79 2.68 0.11 3.06 1.93 1.13 -1.02 Brent Sopel -0.11 -0.01 10.89 2.16 3.11 -0.96 3.22 2.25 0.97 -1.93 Cam Barker -0.03 -0.1 14.31 2.02 2.64 -0.62 3.45 1.83 1.62 -2.24

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Face-offs Shots attempted for a team vs. how many are Player Face-Offs Taken FO% attempted against while a given player is on vs. Taken the ice, per 60 min. Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties Jonathan Toews 633 52.6 drawn vs. taken, per 60 min. NAME CORSI Colin Fraser 414 48.1 NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 James Wisniewski 31.2 Dave Bolland 562 45.2 Adam Burish 2.2 0.7 Martin Havlat 15.2 Patrick Sharp 467 45.2 Craig Adams 1.6 0.9 Andrew Ladd 12.4 Kris Versteeg 71 45.1 Dave Bolland 1.5 0.6 Dave Bolland 11.3 Total Rank: 28th 47.2 Colin Fraser 1.5 0.8 Dustin Byfuglien 11.3 Patrick Kane 1.5 1.1 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Duncan Keith 10.5 This is a measure of a team’s This measures how many goals a Troy Brouwer 1.4 1 Brian Campbell 9.8 goals-for per 60 minutes of player team gives up per 60 minutes the Kris Versteeg 1.3 1 being on the ice on the power play. player is on the ice on the PK. Brent Seabrook 9.5 Patrick Sharp 1.3 1.1 Player GFON/60 Jonathan Toews 8.9 Player GA/60 Andrew Ladd 1.2 0.8 Patrick Kane 8.5 Cam Barker 12.32 Dave Bolland 4.88 James Wisniewski 1.1 0.7 Ben Eager 8.5 Patrick Sharp 8.81 Matt Walker 5 Ben Eager 1 2.9 Cam Barker 8.5 Jonathan Toews 8.33 Brent Seabrook 5.32 Jonathan Toews 1 0.8 Aaron Johnson 8.3 Brian Campbell 8.32 Adam Burish 5.7 Dustin Byfuglien 0.9 1.3 Kris Versteeg 8 Dustin Byfuglien 8.15 Aaron Johnson 6.07 Martin Havlat 0.8 0.6 Adam Burish 7.7 Patrick Kane 8.1 Duncan Keith 6.09 Brian Campbell 0.7 0.3 Troy Brouwer 7 Brent Seabrook 7.7 Brent Sopel 6.43 Matt Walker 0.5 0.5 Patrick Sharp 6.5 James Wisniewski 7.42 James Wisniewski 6.88 Brent Sopel 0.5 1 Matt Walker 4 Martin Havlat 7.14 Colin Fraser 8.12 Aaron Johnson 0.4 1.3 Craig Adams 3.4 Kris Versteeg 6.84 Kris Versteeg 8.19 Brent Seabrook 0.3 1.1 Duncan Keith 6.81 J. Wisniewski 8.1 Hockey Sabermetrics BUFFALO Every game, we provide you with the Behind The Net numbers. These are at even strength, 5-on-5. Key: QUALCOMP- A measure of the quality of competition each player faces on the ice. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for opponents on the ice against player. Example: Kane has faced the toughest opppostion at +.12 QUALTEAM- A measure of the quality of teammates each player plays with. Calculated by averaging +/-/60 for teammates on ice with player. TOI/60- Time on ice, per 60 minutes, that player spends on ice at full-strength. GFON/60, GAON/60- Goals for and against team per 60 min. player is on ice +/-ON/60- Team’s Plus/minus, per 60 minutes, while player is on ice. +/-OFF/60- Plus/minus of team while player is off ice, per 60 minutes. RATING- +/-ON/60 subtracted by +/-OFF/60. NAME QUALCOMP QUALTEAM TOI/60 GFON/60 GAON/60 +-ON/60 GFOFF/60 GAOFF/60 +-OFF/60 RATING Chris Butler -0.22 0.1 13.31 3.16 1.35 1.8 2.16 2.52 -0.36 2.16 Drew Stafford 0 0.27 12.8 3.33 2.34 0.99 1.96 2.65 -0.69 1.67 Derek Roy -0.01 0.29 14.24 3.08 2.57 0.51 2.03 2.79 -0.76 1.27 Adam Mair -0.13 -0.31 10.98 2.27 2 0.27 2.39 2.95 -0.56 0.82 Matt Ellis -0.1 -0.03 7.5 2.22 1.78 0.44 2.09 2.26 -0.17 0.62 Jaroslav Spacek -0.02 -0.05 15.85 2.58 2.58 0 2.24 2.79 -0.55 0.55 Paul Gaustad 0 -0.26 12.12 2.57 2.93 -0.37 2.45 3.04 -0.59 0.23 Thomas Vanek 0 0.18 12.8 3.09 3.32 -0.23 2.08 2.48 -0.41 0.18 Teppo Numminen -0.14 0 13.8 2.23 2.55 -0.32 2.42 2.79 -0.37 0.05 Ales Kotalik -0.11 -0.09 11.96 2.21 2.36 -0.15 2.43 2.58 -0.16 0.01 Henrik Tallinder -0.03 -0.06 14.41 2.59 2.7 -0.11 2.46 2.57 -0.1 -0.01 Jason Pominville 0.04 -0.35 12.99 2.48 2.93 -0.45 2.31 2.63 -0.32 -0.13 Toni Lydman 0.07 -0.07 16.44 2.19 2.74 -0.55 2.39 2.7 -0.31 -0.24 Clarke MacArthur -0.02 -0.03 11.48 1.83 2.48 -0.65 2.56 2.83 -0.27 -0.38 Andrej Sekera 0.01 0.15 16.55 2.3 2.92 -0.62 2.4 2.6 -0.2 -0.41 Andrew Peters -0.08 -0.1 4.11 0.61 1.82 -1.22 2.29 3.07 -0.78 -0.43 Craig Rivet 0.05 -0.09 14.26 2.63 3.51 -0.88 2.32 2.65 -0.33 -0.55 Patrick Kaleta -0.01 -0.06 7.2 1.45 2.17 -0.72 2.62 2.76 -0.14 -0.58 Daniel Paille -0.05 -0.06 10.96 2.1 2.95 -0.84 2.49 2.63 -0.14 -0.71 Nathan Paetsch -0.22 -0.04 12.51 0.48 2.4 -1.92 2.65 2.82 -0.18 -1.74

Corsi Rating Penalties Drawn Face-offs This measures how many shots are attempted Player Face-Offs Taken FO% for a team vs. how many are attempted against vs. Taken Paul Gaustad 359 53.8 while a given player is on the ice, per 60 min. Pretty self-explanatory. A measure of penalties drawn vs. taken, per 60 min. Derek Roy 784 49.9 NAME CORSI NAME PDRAW/60 PTAKE/60 Adam Mair 332 48.5 Jaroslav Spacek 5.7 Patrick Kaleta 5.4 2.2 Matt Ellis 95 47.4 Nathan Paetsch 5.3 Derek Roy 1.7 0.6 Jochen Hecht 393 43 Andrej Sekera 2.6 Daniel Paille 1.5 0.3 Clarke MacArthur 200 35 Andrew Peters 1.8 Thomas Vanek 1.3 0.8 Total: Rank: 27th 47.2 Jochen Hecht 0.6 Andrew Peters 1.2 2.4 Clarke MacArthur 0.3 Drew Stafford 1 0.6 Thomas Vanek -0.8 Power Play Ratings Penalty Kill Ratings Adam Mair 0.8 2 This is a measure of a team’s goals This measures how many goals Derek Roy -1.1 Clarke MacArthur 0.8 1.4 for per 60 minutes of player being a team gives up per 60 minutes Ales Kotalik -1.5 on the ice on the power play. the player is on the ice on the Jason Pominville 0.7 0.6 Jason Pominville -2 Player GFON/60 Player GAON/60 Andrej Sekera 0.7 0.4 Drew Stafford -2.3 J. Pominville 8.35 Paul Gaustad 2.98 Jochen Hecht 0.7 1 Teppo Numminen -4.5 Derek Roy 7.85 Craig Rivet 3.09 Ales Kotalik 0.6 0.9 Paul Gaustad -7.5 Jaroslav Spacek 7.7 Henrik Tallinder 3.95 Henrik Tallinder 0.6 0.6 Henrik Tallinder -7.8 Craig Rivet 7.47 Toni Lydman 3.99 Paul Gaustad 0.5 0.9 Adam Mair -8.7 Thomas Vanek 7.35 Andrej Sekera 4.02 Craig Rivet 0.5 0.9 Toni Lydman -8.9 C. MacArthur 7.19 Derek Roy 4.24 Matt Ellis 0.4 0.9 Patrick Kaleta -9.1 Drew Stafford 6.81 Jochen Hecht 4.6 Teppo Numminen 0.4 0.5 Craig Rivet -9.8 Andrej Sekera 5.92 J. Pominville 5.36 Toni Lydman 0.2 0.8 Daniel Paille -11.5 Ales Kotalik 5.84 J. Spacek 5.9 Jaroslav Spacek 0.1 0.6 Matt Ellis -12 Referee Stats For The Hawks

Referees 1st NHL Hawks Games Hawks PP’s Hawks Pens/Game Hawks PP/Game Hawks PK/ W L OTL Game PK’s Game 2 Fraser, Kerry 1980 3 14 17 10.3 4.7 5.7 3 0 0 3 Leggo, Mike 1997 3 10 15 8.3 3.3 5.0 2 0 1 4 McCauley, Wes 2003 5 11 14 5.0 2.2 2.8 2 2 0 5 Rooney, Chris 2000 ------6 Marouelli, Dan 1984 3 14 11 8.3 4.7 3.7 1 2 0 7 McCreary, Bill 1984 3 14 12 8.7 4.7 4.0 2 2 0 8 Jackson, Dave 1990 3 14 13 9.0 4.7 4.3 2 1 0 10 Devorski, Paul 1989 1 5 6 11.0 5.0 6.0 0 1 0 11 Sutherland, Kelly 2000 ------12 Koharski, Don 1981 1 6 7 13.0 6.0 7.0 1 0 0 13 O’Halloran, Dan 1995 2 12 10 11.0 6.0 5.0 1 0 1 14 LaRue, Dennis 1991 4 17 16 8.3 4.3 4.0 3 0 1 15 Auger, Stephane 2000 4 17 13 7.5 4.3 3.3 3 0 1 16 Shick, Rob 1986 1 2 2 4.0 2.0 2.0 0 0 1 18 Kimmerly, Greg 1996 5 26 25 10.2 5.2 5.0 3 2 0 20 Peel, Tim 1999 2 13 13 13.0 6.5 6.5 1 1 0 21 VanMassenhoven, Don 1993 2 6 4 5.0 3.0 2.0 1 0 1 23 Watson, Brad 1996 2 7 4 5.5 3.5 2.0 1 0 1 25 Joannette, Marc 1999 2 13 5 9.0 6.5 2.5 1 0 1 26 Martell, Rob 1996 1 3 1 4.0 3.0 1.0 1 0 0 27 Furlatt, Eric 2001 3 14 10 8.0 4.7 3.3 1 1 1 28 Lee, Chris 2001 1 5 4 9.0 5.0 4.0 1 0 0 29 Walsh, Ian 2000 1 1 3 4.0 1.0 3.0 0 1 0 30 Hasenfratz, Mike 2000 2 11 7 9.0 5.5 3.5 0 1 1 32 Kowal, Tom 2000 3 11 76 29.0 3.7 25.3 3 0 0 33 Pollock, Kevin 2000 2 7 9 8.0 3.5 4.5 1 0 1 34 Meier, Brad 1999 3 12 14 8.7 4.0 4.7 3 0 0 35 Warren, Dean 1999 ------36 Morton, Dean 2000 1 5 4 9.0 5.0 4.0 0 1 0 38 St Laurent, Francois 2006 2 14 15 14.5 7.0 7.5 1 0 1 39 Dwyer, Gord 2003 3 16 15 10.3 5.3 5.0 2 0 1 40 Kozari, Steve 2006 3 18 12 10.0 6.0 4.0 2 1 0 42 O’Rourke, Dan 1999 2 11 13 12.0 5.5 6.5 1 0 1 43 Pochmara, Brian 2006 ------45 St. Pierre, Justin 2003 4 19 15 8.5 4.8 3.8 2 0 2

NHL LEADERS Goals Points GAA SV%

Player Team G Player Team P Player Team GAA Player Team SV% 1 PHI 29 1 Evgeni Malkin PIT 66 1 Steve Mason CBJ 1.80 1 Steve Mason CBJ .936 2 A. Ovechkin WAS 27 2 Sidney Crosby PIT 57 2 Tim Thomas BOS 2.04 2 Tim Thomas BOS .935 3 Tomas Vanek BUF 27 3 A. Ovechkin WAS 54 3 M. Fernandez BOS 2.07 3 Craig Anderson FLA .933 4 Phil Kessel BOS 24 4 Marc Savard BOS 52 4 N. Backstrom MIN 2.17 4 M. Fernandez BOS .928 5 NJ 24 5 DET 50 5 Roberto Luongo VAN 2.17 5 Roberto Luongo VAN .928 10 Patrick Sharp CHI 20 19 Patrick Kane CHI 42 9 N. Khabibulin CHI 2.31 8 N. Khabibulin CHI ..926 SLAPSHOTS OF THE SEASON We have noticed that the blogosphere for the Hawks is quickly get 20,000 people to Hawk games every night. (But, kudos to Pres. for his becoming one of the best around. Helping out greatly in that cause are John role in bringing the Classic to Chicago.) and Bob of The Fifth Feather, which whips a horse’s ass with a belt (fifth- feather.com) We’re overjoyed that they’ve stooped to our level and wrote a ‘You injured your knee in the Peterborough game?’ little ditty for us. Enjoy. ‘No’ ‘No? I thought you had? Wow, so this is what the Committed Indian smells like. What an ‘Cold, the runny nose, sore throat, all that.’ – When James Wisniewski enjoyable scent. We at the Fifth Feather would like to express our apprecia- and Adam Burish returned from Long Term Injured Reserve list in Decem- tion by presenting you with the fifteen quotes from ‘Slap Shot’ that have ber, Hawk management did the most sensible thing: they added Brent Sopel helped to define the first half of the Chicago Blackhawks 2008-‘09 season. to the list for … well, we have no idea what it was for. The move under- Why fifteen? Because that’s all we could fit into 1200 words. scores a relative luxury for the ‘Hawks: at least six NHL-caliber defensemen.

“What did the old man for these assholes? A used puck bag?” – A “You know your problem Dunlop? You’re too old to play this fuckin’ favorite punching bag of Hawk fans, Dale Tallon scored a coup when he game” – Note to any impending free agent: When you’re negotiating with stole Martin Havlat, Patrick Sharp, and Kris Versteeg for the corpses for- a team and are demanding $7 million, don’t try and pull three other teams merly known as Mark Bell, Matt Ellison, and . Bell and into it who don’t have the cap room to sign you. We’re looking right at you, Bochenski can both be found at an AHL rink near you, and if you want to . watch Matt Ellison, you better have racked up some frequent flyer miles. “ ‘Dave’s out. Who’s going to take his place?’ “You guys gotta stop losing, why don’t you get the power play togeth- ‘Is the answer Jesus?’ “ – He isn’t Jesus but with a beard as beautiful as er?” his, the Metrosexual Czech, Martin Havlat, is a close second. When Kane ‘Yeah, we’re working on it.’ “– All Paul Newman was missing in this scene got hurt just before the Winter Classic, Havlat responded with five points in was a cigarette dangling out of his mouth and he would be a dead ringer for three games and was an offensive force whenever his blades touched ice. A . Savard had plenty of time to prove his coaching worth by lightning rod of criticism from Hawk fans in his first two years, Havlat has improving the power play but the Hawks never finished higher than 24th in been everything promised in the final year of his contract and much more. the league. Now, with Coach Q at the helm, the puck moves from side to side quickly and gone is the hideous breakout of Brian Campbell or Duncan “I have a personal announcement, though. I’m placing a personal boun- Keith skating full speed to center ice and leaving a drop pass for hungry ty on the head of Tim McCracken – a hundred bucks of my own money penalty killer to pick up. for the first of my men who really nails that creep.”– Nearly four weeks after The Great One vowed revenge against “You want ice time, you come and tell Kris Versteeg and the Blackhawks for the me when you want to play it my way.” savage beating Kyle Turris received at the –Following penalty problems, Quenneville UC in December, Wayne Gretzky sent 250 benched stars Kane and Sharp in Phoenix lb. Todd “Steel Face” Fedoruk careening after each took penalties. The Hawks into defenseless goaltender Cristobal Huet. responded, decreasing penalties and losing Fedoruk – and his bromance counterpart only twice from mid-November until January 1. Daniel Carcillo – did the brave thing, though, and waited until Blackhawk enforcers Patrick Sharp and Brian Campbell were out on the ice to settle the ‘There goes Jeff Hanson in the corner. I think it’s Jeff, no it’s Jack, it’s score. 17, I’ll have to check that later.’ – Look, we’re all thrilled to have Pat Foley back in our lives. The sound of his voice brings us to tears on a nightly “Those guys are fuckin retards!” – Yes, goalies are different, but what basis. Also, we’re glad Dan Kelly’s demon eyes aren’t trying to possess us. started as a total salary cap quagmire in net has morphed into a goaltending But would it be too much to ask for Foley to be able to tell the difference success story. The $13 million tandem has been rock solid nearly all season between Dustin Byfuglien, Kris Versteeg, Dave Bolland and Troy Brouwer? long, and as great goaltending often separates teams during the playoffs, The new drinking game du-jour among young Hawk fans has become ‘Fo- here’s hoping the Hawks keep both goaltenders for the stretch run. ley’s Follies’ and we’re tired of waking up after games in our own vomit. “Johnny always says you can just drink so much, screw so much.” – The “ ‘Hey Walt, what are you doin?’ ‘Hawks best winning streak of the season is over, and the stretch run is upon ‘Makin’ it look mean!’ “ – This one goes out to Barry Rozner and the rest us. The Hawks nine-game streak ended, and they’ve gone 3-4 since. To of the meatballs who thought the best solution for the ‘Hawks ‘08-09 roster make the playoffs as a top-four seed, they’ll need to limit losing streaks and was add to Reed Low, Tony Twist, Reid Simpson, Bart Simpson, or any group wins together through April. other knuckle dragger. The days of carrying fighters who can do nothing else other than fight are long gone. “Call Detroit, tell them bullshit.” – After beating the Red Wings five times last season, the Hawks have only captured two of eight available points “I don’t like the way they cover their jugs, all up with the feathers, ya during this season, and the teams’ only two remaining match-ups are the last know Reg?” –We all love cute ladies in skates and tight clothing, but for the two games of the campaign. ladies’ sake, perhaps they should be trained to wait for the TV timeout light and the end of whatever brawl may be in progress. What we don’t need to “Sergeant, I knew Eddie Shore, Toe Blake, and the Rocket.”– Even add to any possible Boogaard-Eager fight is chicks with shovels. though he hasn’t had any impact on the team whatsoever this year, the thought of Bob Pulford sitting in some office on Lake Shore Drive screaming “The boys and I want you to have something - a memento. It’s a Chiefs at any passersby, “I drafted Everett Sanipass! I traded for Mike Eagle!”, is key ring; you can’t buy these in stores.” – Whether John McDonough is a enough to keep us warm on the coldest of winter nights. sports “marketing whiz” is up for debate, but whether he’s among the lucki- est men on Earth is not. Taking the Blackhawks’ presidency after Jonathan Toews, Patrick Kane, Duncan Keith, Patrick Sharp and Brent Seabrook were Hawks made McCub’s job a lot easier. The CEO of General Motors could The Making of The Chicago Blackhawks

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Brian Campbell (BUF 6th round 1997 Cristobal Huet (LA 7th round 2001) Matt Walker (STL 3rd round 1998) Aaron Johnson (CLB 3rd round 2001) 2007-2008 Patrick Kane (1st round) Ben Eager (PHO 1st round 2002) from Brent Sopel (VAN 6th round 1995) PHI for (FA PHI 2000) Craig Adams (HAR 9th round 1996) from CAR for future considerations. Andrew Ladd (CAR 1st round 2004) from CAR for Tuomo Ruutu (CHI 1st round 2001) 2006-2007 Jonathan Toews (1st round) Martin Havlat (OTT 1st round 1999) from OTT and Bryan Smolinski (BOS 1st round 1990) for Tom Preissing (FA SJ 2003), Josh Hennessy (SJ 2nd round 2003) and Michael Barinka (CHI 2nd round 2003) Kris Versteeg (BOS 5th round 2004) from BOS for Brandon Bochenski (OTT 7th round 2001) 2005-2006 Patrick Sharp (PHI 3rd round 2001) Nikolai Khabibulin (WIN 9th round from PHI for Matt Ellison (CHI 4th 1992) round 2002) and CHI 3rd round pick 2006 2004-2005 Cam Barker (1st round) Dave Bolland (2nd round) Troy Brouwer (7th round) 2003-2004 Brent Seabrook (1st round) Colin Fraser (PHI 3rd round 2003), Dustin Byfuglien (8th round) Jim Vandermeer (PHI FA 2000) and 2004 2nd round pick from PHI for Alex Zhamnov and 2004 4th round pick (WIN 4th round 1990) 2002-2003 Duncan Keith (2nd round) James Wisniewski (5th round) Adam Burish (9th round) info in part provided by hockeyreference.com GM HISTORY COACHES Dale Tallon (2005-Present) Head Coach-Joel Quenneville Bob Pulford (Too Fucking Long, Too Many Fuck- Assistant Coach-John Torchetti ing Times) Assistant Coach-Mike Haviland Mike Smith (2001-2004) Assistant Coach- Bob Murray (1999-2000) Goaltending Coach-Stephane Waite The Making of The Buffalo Sabres

YEAR DRAFT TRADE FREE AGENT 2008-2009 Craig Rivet (MON 3rd round 1992) and Matt Ellis (DET Undrafted FA 2002) 2010 7th round pick from SJ for 2009 Patrick Lalime (PIT 6ht round 1993) 2nd round pick and 2010 2nd round pick 2007-2008 2006-2007 Jaroslav Spacek (FLA 5th round 1998) 2005-2006 Chris Butler (4th round) Toni Lydman (CAL 4th round 1996) Teppo Numminen (WIN 2nd round from CAL for 2006 3rd round pick 1986) 2004-2005 Drew Stafford (1st round) Adrej Sekera (3rd round) Patrick Kaleta (6th round) 2003-2004 Thomas Vanek (1st round) Clarke McArthur (3rd round) Nathan Paetsch (7th round) 2002-2003 Daniel Paille (1st round Jochen Hecht (STL 2nd round 1995) from EDM for two 2002 2nd round picks) Adam Mair (Tor 4th round 1997) and 2003 5th round pick from LAK for Erik Rasmussen (BUF 1st round 1997) 2001-2002 Jason Pominville (2nd round) Tim Connolly (NYI 1st round 1999) Derek Roy (2nd round) and (NYI 1st round 1999) from NYI for (VAN 2nd round 1992) 2000-2001 Paul Gaustad (7th round) 1999-2000 Ryan Miller (5th round) 1998-1999 Andrew Peters (1st round) Ales Kotalik (6th round) 1997-1998 Henrik Tallinder (2nd round) Maxim Afinogenov (3rd round)

COACHES GM HISTORY Head Coach- Lindy Ruff 1995-Present: Assistant Coach- Brian McCutcheon 1994-1998: John Muckler Assistant Coach- James Patrick Goaltending Coach- Jim Corsi The Hawks Record When...

Playing at home...... 13-2-4 Allowing a short-handed goal...... 1-1-1 Eddie O tells crew to “stop it right here!”.... 21-10-7 Playing on road...... 10-8-3 Taking 30 or more shots...... 19-7-4 Eddie O tells us D have the forwards and forwards have the D Scoring first...... 14-3-2 Taking less than 30 shots..... 4-3-1 during 4-on-4...... 21-10-7 Opponent scores first...... 9-7-5 Allowing 30 shots or more...... 11-6-5 We fantasize about shooting Eddie O.... 21-10-7 Shoot the puck bimbo scores...... 3-0-1 Allowing 30 shots or less...... 12-4-2 We’re ecstatic Pat Foley is back...... 21-8-7 Shoot the puck bimbo doesn’t score...... 10-1-3 100 Level doesn’t cheer for anthem. 13-1-4 Ice-girls wear skirts...... 6-1-3 Shoot the puck bimbo blows editors of Commited Indian..... 0-0-0 1st of a back-to-back...... 2-3-2 Ice-girls wear pants...... 3-1-0 ANYONE blows editors of Committed Indian ...... 0-1-0 2nd of a back-to-back..... 5-2-0 ice-girls wear shorts.... 4-0-1 Playing on a Monday...... 1-1-1 Opponent played night before.... 6-1-1 Ice-girls wear hideous pink outfit...... 1-0-0 Playing on a Tuesday...... 4-1-0 Seabrook gets a flat-footed penalty.... 7-2-3 Leading after 2 periods...... 18-1-3 Playing on a Wednesday...... 4-0-2 Burish takes a penalty...... 4-3-2 Losing after 2 periods...... 1-6-2 Playing on a Thursday...... 0-2-0 Keith takes a penalty...... 5-1-2 Tied after 2 periods...... 4-3-2 Playing on a Friday...... 4-2-1 Sharp takes a penalty...... 8-2-2 In overtime...... 2-2 Playing on a Saturday...... 3-3-3 Toews takes a penalty..... 6-2-2 In shootout...... 2-5 Playing on a Sunday...... 7-1-0 Havlat takes a penalty.... 4-1-0 Cam Barker plays...... 16-6-4 Savard changes lines during game... 1-2-1 Sopel takes a penalty...... 3-2-1 Cam Barker is in Rockford due to GM incompetence..... 3-2-3 Coach Q keeps lines as they are..... 22-8-6 Sopel looks 6 steps slow...... 7-5-5 Lacking a #2 center...... 23-10-7 Are out-muscled by opponent.... 7-8-3 51 Phantom blows a coverage...... 15-8-6 In 1-goal games..... 5-4-7 Outshoot opponent...... 16-5-2 Toews is trying too hard...... 3-6-2 In 2-goal games...... 6-3-0 Are outshot by opponenet.... 7-5-5 At least 1 fight in 300 Level... 1-1-2 In 3-goal games...... 5-2-0 Havlat shies from contact...... 16-6-6 No fights in 300 Level..... 12-1-2 In 4+ goal games...... 6-1-0 Patrick Kane scores...... 8-3-2 Playing Eastern Conference..... 3-2-1 Scoring 3+ goals..... 21-2-4 Jonathan Toews scores...... 4-0-3 Playing Western Conference..... 20-8-6 Scoring less than 3 goals...... 2-8-3 Martin Havlat scores...... 7-1-1 Playing Central Division...... 3-3-5 PA plays Ministry...... 0-0-0 Patrick Sharp scores...... 13-2-2 Playing Northwest Division.... 10-2-0 PA plays Modern Cock-Rock..... 12-2-4 Dustin Byfuglien scores...... 6-0-1 Playing Pacific Division 7-3-1 PA plays Classic Cock-Rock...... 8-1-4 Dustin Byfuglien turns down a hit...... 20-8-5 Playing Atlantic Division 1-1-0 PA plays P.J. Harvey...... 0-0-0 Andrew Ladd scores...... 7-0-1 Playing NASCAR Division 0-1-0 Fraser fights...... 7-2-1 Dave Bolland scores...... 6-0-1 Playing Northeast Division 2-0-1 Burish fights...... 4-1-0 Adam Burish scores...... 1-1-0, and totally ruins that joke Playing in October.... 4-3-3 Seabrook fights..... 0-0-0 51 Phantom scores...... 3-2-1 Playing in November.... 6-3-3 Barker fights...... 0-0-1 Duncan Keith scores...... 2-3-0 Playing in December...... 10-1-1 Buff fights...... 0-0-2 Brent Seabrook scores...... 4-0-0 Playing in January..... 3-3-0 Sharp fights...... 0-0-0 VerStud scores.... 8-3-1 Playing in February..... 0-0-0 Eager fights...... 7-0-1 Troy Brouwer scores.... 4-0-0 Playing in March...... 0-0-0 On Comcast...... 18-5-4 Scoring a Power Play goal...... 18-4-6 Playing in April...... 0-0-0 On WGN...... 5-3-3 Not scoring a Power Play goal... 5-6-1 UC plays really stupid goal song..... 13-1-4 On Vs...... 0-1-0 Allowing a Power Play goal...... 8-7-7 Huet’s five-hole open like Lindsay Lohan’s..... 2-5-2 On NBC.... 0-1-0 Not Allowing a Power Play goal...... 15-3-0 Getting obliterated on face-offs...... 9-7-4 Judd Sirott swears a lot off-air 23-10-7 Scoring a short-handed goal...... 3-1-0 Are even close on face-offs..... 14-3-3 Editor of Committed Indian bleeds on programs...... 1-0-0

Not going to the game? Get The Committed Indian via Email! $2/issue, and now just $50 for the rest of the season!!

Just go to www.secondcity- hockey.com and look for the link on the left.

All season-subcribers will be entered into a drawing for a free jersey from Tri- ple Threat Sports!