ISSUE 1653 ...the filler issue FRIDAY 20 JANUARY 2017

THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE

elix Union helps f with TEF submission PAGE 3 News hang in there

The Central Library AC Dream PAGE 5 News

Study drugs | Yay or Nay?

PAGE 8 Science

Why Sherlock why? an analysis

PAGE 18 Culture

boo

How to not fall in love with that Metric hook-up

PAGE 26 Millennials 2 felixonline.co.uk [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 felix EDITORIAL Hang in there kitties

lue Monday, alternatively known as the would explain how nobody seemed to care that I was most depressing day of the year, came and being served a jacket potato with chilli con carne and went this week. (Blue like hands without cheese by the Iron lady in her tighty whities.) gloves flaunted at passing strangers on the And if you’ve made it thus far, prepare for the event street. Wait what?) By now you’ve come to of the year (so far) – ’s marriage to terms with the fact that you probably spent America during the 45th presidential inauguration in Bway too much money over Christmas. You’ve also Washington. been spending a disproportionate amount of time in But wait. All is not wrong with the world. For starters bed, barricading yourself with every piece of spare kittens and puppies are still a thing. Also looks the linen you can get your hands on, trying to stave off Central Library will be getting some air con! And sure the cold that Snowmageddon has brought. You’re also you might not be getting a cool study space to revise, involuntarily taking part in dry January, because you despair and meltdown till at least September but if caught a nasty bug and are on antibiotics, while at humanity survives till then, at least the Central Library the same time praying that it’s not some untreatable will be cool and breezy. Though if let’s say £13m have superbug you’ve got and that dem sweet meds are failed to fix the library’s thermal regulation we can’t actually working. say we’re particularly optimistic that another £13.5m You successfully emerged from the worst Monday will. blues of the year only to be met with Theresa May, the Maybe we shouldn’t be so jaded though. I mean it UK’s new iron lady, making chilling claims about the was Kim Kardashian who said “Hope dies last. Unless single market, the hard Brexit and the Library Cafe. you’re out of lipgloss. Then there is no hope.” Or (Wait no. I think I dreamt that last bit. I mean that maybe I also dreamt that.

Editor-in-Chief | Lef Apostolakis || Deputy Editor | Mattin Mir-Tahmasebi || News Editor | Matt Johnston || Comment Editors THE | Vivien Hadlow, Tessa Davey, Jonathan Masters || Culture Ringmaster | Fred Fyles || Culture Editors | Indira Mallik, , Tom Stephens, Meryl Anil, Anurag Deshpande, Theo Farah || Puzzles Editor | Hamish Beck || Clubs & Societies Editor | Abigail de TEAM Bruin || Science Editor | Lizzie Riach, Ipsita Herlekar || Millennials Queen | Tessa Davey || Millennials Editors | Saad Ahmed, Sanjay Battacharaya, Matt Johnston || Sports Editor | Sam Smith || Illustrator | Nathan Macabuag || Copy Chief | Mattin Mir- Tahmasebi || Copy Editors | Alex Adler, Ipsita Herlekar || Cover | Joe O’Connell-Danes ||Editorial Photography | Fahdi Canavati ||Centrefold | Joe O’Connell-Danes

Address | felix, Beit Quad, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB || Telephone | 02075948072 || Printed by | Ilifee Print Cambridge, Winship Road, Cambridge || Registered Newspaper | ISSN 1040-0711 || Copyright © felix 2016 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/news 3 NEWS felix Union to participate in TEF submission

Alex Adler felix reports on the extraordinary Council meeting

An extraordinary Union This put the Union in a dif ficult On the other hand, good council meeting was held on position, since it had previously relations between the Union January 10th with the specific adopted a policy not to and the College have been purpose of discussing the support measures that would key to several advances response the student body and result in further fee increases, obtained by the students the Union representing them and against the marketisation in the last few years. The should adopt with respect of higher education: both College is asking the Union to to the upcoming Teaching co-write the TEF submission, Excellence Framework (TEF). a mark of goodwill that The meeting was also \\ This put the enables the students to have an opportunity to discuss a real say (some universities other government efforts to Union in a difficult reduced ‘student input’ to a assess the quality of higher position, since it couple hundred words on the education, with an attempt to submission according to ICU introduce a motion calling for had previously President Nas Andriopoulos). the boycott of the NSS. It was “extraordinary” in the fact that people actually turned up \\ felix adopted a policy After energetic discussions, The motion was rejected the motion mandating the due to having been submitted not to support fee Union to engage with College too late, but the wider theme their funding accordingly. As (currently in the Chamber increases \\ on the TEF was finally passed of student evaluations being part of TEF, every university of Lords) linked the results with minor amendments, in a used to justify cost increases is required to submit a short obtained by universities in the victory for the ICU President hung over the assembly for the document outlining how TEF with new fee increases. stated objectives of the and the Deputy President for remaining of the evening. exactly they ‘excel at teaching’, Fee increases would be HERB. (Imperial was the Education, Luke McCrone. TEF is a new framework with input from students and indexed on inflation, either only university in the country However, the subject of tuition originally established by the bodies representing them. at half the inflation rate for to approve of the 2011 fees is bound to return to the Higher Education and This seems innocuous enough, universities awarded a “meets fee tripling). Therefore, the limelight sooner or later, Universities ministry to evaluate however the introduction of expectations” rating, or at the participating in the TEF could and the Union might have the quality of teaching at the government’s new Higher full inflation rate for the other be seen as infringing on that a tougher time defining the English universities, and adjust Education and Research Bill categories. policy. course of action to follow then.

Deputy President Education gives us his side Luke McCrone

uring this week’s should continue to be a strong to HEFCE requires institutions opting to rebel against the TEF, extraordinary advocate for the improvement \\ By opting to rebel to measure the impact of for example by boycotting council meeting, of education at Imperial or their teaching, which should the National Student I proposed a whether it should make a against the TEF, encourage academics to be Survey (NSS), we would be paper to seek political stance against the by boycotting the more evidence-based in their neglecting the educational permission TEF. Following discussion, National Student pedagogic approach. TEF experience of 40% of our Dfrom Council to approve the Council agreed that continuing also aims to better inform members, whilst jeopardising following: firstly, for the Union our activity around striving for Survey (NSS), we student choices when deciding our NSS Response, one of to make contributions to educational excellence would between universities by making the Union’s most powerful Imperial’s Teaching Excellence be of greater benefit to our would be neglecting more information about tools in lobbying College on Framework (TEF) submission members than making efforts the educational teaching quality available to educational matters. and secondly, for Council to to rebel against the TEF. prospective students. I am personally pleased at the review the Union’s existing Council members came experience of 40% International students, which final decision made by Union Higher Education Funding to respect that the TEF of our members \\ comprise a staggering 40% of Council and look forward policy. The paper was passed is inevitably going to be our member population, are to continuing work around successfully. implemented and that some not affected by the TEF since educational improvement for The argument ultimately aspects of the TEF, aside from positive implications. The very the inflationary fee rise only all members of this institution. rested on whether the Union the inflationary fee rise, have nature of the submission sent concerns home students. By 4 felixonline.co.uk/news [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/news 5 felix NEWS NEWS felix Imperial to face LSE at City Varsity Lef Apostolakis Central Library to get air con Lef Apostolakis

mperial will be taking be featuring matches from O’Donnell, the rivalry with the rivalry with the medics on Hopefully turnout will be appy days. autumn 2017. Phase one saw set in stone and there are still on LSE this year during Imperial’s men’s and women’s medics has simmered down the back burner, Imperial’s high unlike the 2011 inter- Imperial College the Central Library improve on many sign-offs the proposed a showcase event to rugby. This means there won’t over the years and there’s internal Varsity with the collegiate Summer Ball will finally be issues with overcrowding and project needs to pass before take place in March. be any medics playing. When been a great appetite to find School of Medicine will not which suffered a loss of taking steps to limited computer availability; promises are made and plans The event, christened the asked if there were plans to a new rivalry through an be scrapped. Games will £100,000. solve issues with the Science Museum Library are finalised. This is perhaps City Varsity, will mark the involve medics in the external external varsity. continue to take place as they And if it is, there are temperature was evicted from the third floor why all announcements so far Ifirst time in a long time that varsity, club captain of men’s Whether LSE will prove have for the last 15 years and plans for expansion, with Hregulation at the Central and the space was turned into have been rather non-com- Imperial plays against another rugby and chief organiser of a worthy rival remains to this year’s VarsityFest will go expressed involvement Library. Probably. a study area. mittal and Library Services, University. (Though earlier last the initiative, Josh O’Donnell be seen. “There’s no bad ahead as planned. of football, hockey and According to a teasing Phase two was meant to deal unable to contain their excite- year the first e-sports varsity told felix that it could happen blood yet, but we’re working Whether the City Varsity netball but also other announcement from Library with temperature regulation ment, went rogue and spilled was launched at Gfinity Arena but the process would involve on it” said Women’s rugby will become a tradition will sports club that don’t Services just before Christmas, and indeed there was a suc- the beans. between King’s , LSE, UCL holding trials and bringing captain, Charlotte Gisbourne. depend on turnout, but traditionally participate in “early indications are that a cessful application for Planning However, the Library service yours truly) medic players in just for the Women’s rugby will be kicking organisers are optimistic. As Varsity due to the lack of project to improve the temper- Permission back in 2014, of a recently made public a prelim- Radical changes at the library \\ Alex Adler The City Varsity is almost guest match. off the event, followed by the ACC chair Ellie Winstanley medic counterparts, such ature at Central Library will ventilation plant that would inary timetable of the works, exclusively student led, with Regardless, the launch of men’s games. puts it, the games are “testing as Fencing and Shooting. begin in 2017.” sit on the roof of Sherfield. bringing dreams of a well ven- some input from the Union, the City Varsity has been met Although it may seem like the waters because the people This comes after felix The plant, occupying a space tilated library one step closer the works will be taking place had from the beginning of and at least for now will only with excitement. According to this event is putting Imperial’s want the water to be tested”. launched a campaign last of 68 cubic meters, would be to realisation. during this academic year’s the project become apparent, summer demanding humane connected to the library by According to the timetable summer break. with the top two floors hitting studying conditions in the internally built ductwork. (which remains subject to Though generally the student 30 degrees Celsius. Efforts Central Library, notorious for Unfortunately the works, approval from College) some community is excited for the to provide solar shading reaching face-melting tem- reportedly projected to cost preliminary works will be prospect of study areas that were blocked by Westminster peratures, particularly during an estimated £13.5m, had taking place during the end of don’t send them into thermal City Council due to aesthetic summer term. According to been put on ice, as only half this month/beginning of next shock, some students remain reasons (considering the aes- Vigil held at Iranian Embasssy Library Services, tempera- the funding necessary had month, including the erection doubtful. “Yeah I wouldn’t be thetics of the rest of South ture regulation has been “the been secured. It appears of scaffolding and the reloca- too optimistic”, says one stu- Ken Campus, one can only single biggest source of com- though that the felix petition, tion of some of the library’s dent. “I swear a rumor about wonder) and the Chiller and plaint from the student body which gathered 13,000 sig- books and seating. library air-con gets spread at Service Tower constructed on for several years”. natures (just under 10% of Some noisy work will also be least once a year and has been the roof of Sherfield and which Campaigners gather in South Kensington Simran Kukran This development is meant the student body), along with taking place throughout spring for as long as I can remember.” cost over £6m failed to hit the to be the second phase of a pressure from the Union and term but it will be restricted Indeed, climate control has spot quite the way it was meant larger project which began in some NSS-induced panic between 6:00 and 9:00am. plagued the Central Library for to. College’s last multi-million 2014 and will most likely be have convinced College to No details have been over a decade. The last major investment in Library Services, taking place over this academic go through with the plans. released yet regarding plans overhaul started in 2007 and the Central Library door, has candle-lit on the 3rd of April 2016 at pastor were released in return year’s summer vacation period Despite the hype, it has been for the summer term, however cost over £10m. Issues with only managed to keep the heat vigil was the check-in desk of Tehran’s for clemency of seven Iranian hopefully to be completed by stressed to us that nothing is it is expected that the bulk of cooling of the higher levels in. held outside Imam Khomeni airport on citizens indicted or imprisoned the Iranian her way back to the UK by the US government for embassy on after visiting her parents. sanctions violations. Monday for Nazanin, a British-Iranian Richard Ratcliffe, Nazanin’s ANazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe, dual national, was with her husband, attended the vigil and a British-Iranian Thompson- one-year-old daughter, who delivered a letter addressed to Reuters charity worker. has British citizenship only. President Rouhani requesting Lef Apostolakis Head of Sport Imperial resigns Organised by Amnesty The child’s passport was also a visa so that he might visit International, supporters confiscated, preventing her his wife and two-year-old including Imperial students from returning home to her daughter Gabriella, whose gathered on Princes’ Gate father in Hampstead. birthday was spent away calling for Nazanin’s release Nazanin was sentenced from both parents. He asked r a n t Women’s Rugby during the calling on them to “bounce the told felix that “Imperial is from Evin prison in Iran. The by a closed court to five \\ Simran Kukran that his wife be given a fair D a n s k i n e , 2015 Varsity. Sport Imperial \\ Danskine’s calories away”. currently recruiting for a new 38-year-old was arrested years’ imprisonment on trial, and for letters of support H e a d failed to provide adequate Danskine’s resignation Head of Sport, following the secret charges relating to sent to her to be delivered. of Sport transport and changing resignation came as came as a surprise to many resignation of the previous “national security”. Amnesty a spy network for foreign that she was unable to walk The 43-year-old advocated Imperial, facilities to the women’s a surprise to many Union staff members and postholder in December. The \\ Nazanin was International has reported governments attempting the merely weeks following her for Iran and the UK to build has resigned rubgy teams despite the fact Union staff members students even though a College is working closely sentenced by a she suffered an unfair “soft overthrow” of the Iranian sentence and that she was on better relations “grounded in Gamidst resurfaced criticism of they were headlining. The College spokesperson said it with Imperial College Union trial, and was subjected to republic. Her husband, who hunger strike in November, at mutual understanding” for his the organisation’s treatment of players were also left without and students even was submitted in December. on the recruitment process.” closed court to five solitary confinement with no refuted these alegations, has risk of suicide. daughter’s future. He wrote: “I female athletes. Although the food, stranded without For quite some time, the No information was access to a lawyer or her been told she is being used as The vigil marked exactly ask for your help in bringing criticism – which resurfaced transportation and called “fat though a College Sport Imperial website listed released to us regarding the years’ imprisonment family, and forced to make a a “political bargaining chip” one year since four Iranian- Nazanin and Gabriella home after Imperial published its girls” by management. spokesperson said Danskine as “Acting Head of circumstances of Danskine’s on secret charges confession. Her incarceration and will be released if the American prisoners of dual because framing the innocent institutional culture report Earlier this academic year, Sport Imperial”, with some sudden resignation, though. was appealed earlier this British government come to citizenship were released from serves no one, not even – is unrelated to Danskine’s Sport Imperial also came it was submitted in sources telling felix he was on Next week Sport Imperial relating to “national month, a decision is still to an agreement with her jailers. Evin prison. The prisoners those perpetrating it – it risks direction of Sport Imperial, under fire for running a December \\ indefinite leave. It was only on and the Union will be sending security” \\ be heard. Accusations were Nazanin’s mental and physical of conscience, including a undermining the values Iran it did manage to receive sexist ‘Imperial Girls Can’ Wednesday that the position out a survey to students asking published in Iranian media health has deteriorated during Washington Post journalist, a and Islam are proudest of.” national coverage once more. campaign. The campaign was was officially shown to be them for input on the sport that she is the ringleader of her time in prison, with reports marine veteran, and a Christian The incident refers to the meant to encourage sport at Imperial, but managed to “vacant” online. services offered by College. sexist mistreatment of the participation amongst women offend several students after A College spokesperson For more comment visit felixonline.co.uk/comment

6 felixonline.co. uk /comment [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/comment 7

BLAH!!! blah

BLAH...blah? Blah. Blah.Blah.Blah blah..! blah? blah blah blah blah BLAH? COMMENT blah

Blah!? FREEZE PEACH BLAH! ...blah Blah.blah blahblah- COMMENT felix ...BLAH! blah! felix Jian Li Chew apologises for his article Don't let the last week in light of new information 2017 | the I'm sorry. year of the Monday (big) cat blues get to I made a \\ Reading the official SU statement, I am here to you retract my previous article Jennifer Eden discusses the UAE's Emily Jane Cramphorn pumps you mistake. and to write an apology \\ new ban on exotic pets and up and reminds you it's ok to get Ipswich's new hedgehog officer the blues

fter the neously teach about hitherto a form of reparative justice. selves through a more critical ig news for big cats ave you been feeling publishing of little known thinkers: the great Whatever my personal views understanding of philosophy. and other exotic down this week? my article last Arabic minds like al-Fārābī, on the wider movement of de- Lastly, they are not intolerant. pets. The United Allegedly there is week, I was Avicenna and Averroes, the colonisation, as I believe that Lastly in response to my Arab Emirates has an explanation for informed that Indian thinkers Nāgārju- all actions in history should point about colonialism, I was banned the private brighter future for elephants. The process this – some claim it is The Telegraph na, Dińnaga, Uddyotakāra, be viewed in context with the not making a moral or sup- ownership and of male chick culling may also be a horror the most depressing Aarticle on which I based my Gańgeśa etc. and African phi- contemporary environment portive case for it, but rather Bdealing of wild animals. Status of the past with the development of new Hweek of the year. More specifically, own, which was picked up losophers like Kwami Anthony and not through a modern to state that instead of being pets are on the way out and, technology capable of determining the the Monday that just passed has from The Daily Mail, was Appiah, Franz Fanon, Achille lens, this is the choice of the a zero-sum game, to see co- hopefully, back into the wild. gender of a chick before it hatches. It been christened 'Blue Monday' a gross misrepresentation Mbembe, Valentin-Yves Mu- students involved and must be lonialism for its contemporary Animal rights activists are would allow egg producers to remove as a result of post-holiday reality of SOAS Student Union’s dimbe, Enrique Dussell and context and that it had led understandably thrilled, for male and infertile eggs before they enter kicking in and everyone generally campaign. Reading the official Walter Mignolo. The teaching to good and bad outcomes, this is a triumph. The UAE was incubation, so they can be used for human feeling a bit shit. The third Monday SU statement, I am here to of European philosophy is to whatever the morally dubious a hotspot for such narcissistic consumption rather than destroyed on of January was described as the retract my previous article and be done by exploring the con- basis it stems from. Though it’s displays of animal investments hatching. But most significant of all the most depressing day of the year by to write an apology. text of how they developed coloured by my own personal and subsequent animal animal success stories is that Ipswich has Cliff Arnell using an equation which and how Enlightenment ideas \\ They do not want benefit from British colonial- finally got itself a Hedgehog Officer. supposedly took into consideration of liberty, human rights and to create racist, ism in Malaysia and the sub- With joint funding from the Hedgehog a multitude of variables such as equality developed alongside sequent development of the Preservation Society, Suffolk Wildlife Trust weather, debt, monthly salary, time the contemporary colonisa- narrow-minded, nation after independence, I and Heritage Lottery Fund the role will be since Christmas, time since failing exploiting the post Christmas lull \\ I apologise for brainwashed, sought to challenge the pre- part of an effort to combat the decline of our new year’s resolutions and low to target January frugality; Blue vailing narrative surrounding these wonderful creatures in the area. motivational levels. Monday encourages us to buy my writing and the and hateful idiots, colonialism. Such positive progress justifies a moment It cannot be denied that January holidays rather than pinching condemnation I had \\ They are not rather to develop of celebratory reflection. It appears the can be a tough month emotionally, pennies throughout January. dependence we have on animals, and financially and psychologically Although the idea of Blue Monday heaped on the SOAS \\ They do not hate snowflakes and do themselves through the importance of treating them well, is but many including Ben Goldarce, may not be a reality, January is Student Union and white people, white not epitomise hate, a more critical starting to sink in. Respecting our animal notorious for unpicking the misuse of a tough month for many of us, counterparts as equals, empathising with science and statistics by journalists, especially at Imperial. January retract the following knowledge or white bigotry, ignorance understanding of \\ Lastly, they are not them, understanding that they are not so have called the equation and the exams, coursework deadlines and lines \\ civilisation \\ and racism \\ philosophy \\ intolerant \\ different from us are all crucial lessons in whole idea of Blue Monday, a leaving home confort for student the move towards a better, less destructive farce. digs gets the best of us down, but unhappiness. Now according co-existence. I cannot help but agree. A little that doesn’t mean that we are all to Gulf News "Anyone who What’s happening now for animals research into the matter shows suddenly depressed. takes a leopard, cheetah provides a shred of optimism for the that Arnell’s equation was derived Depression is a mental illness After reading the article in tion and imperialism. There is accepted. This has been an interesting or any other kind of exotic world. Amongst all the doom and gloom to help airlines predict trends in that should not be confused with the Telegraph, I went on the no intention to ban European I apologise for my writing topic to cover and I welcome animal out in public will face of Trump’s presidency and cold war bookings to improve marketing and sadness. Feeling sad or stressed in SOAS Student's Union site to philosophy, seeing how the and the condemnation I had future opportunities for learn- a jail term of up to six months distrust re-emerging, at least those who in reality makes no mathematical the face of January’s challenges is find any news article about intention of the course is to heaped on the SOAS Student ing. and a fine". Good stuff. had suffered in silence for the longest are sense. By telling us that we are not unusual or unhealthy, as long as this topic. A cursory glance learn how different intellectual Union and retract the following Having read this news after beginning to be represented. We can be miserable, airlines can sell holidays we continue to prioritise self-care at the front page, where I had traditions interacted and de- lines. They do not hate white detailing the potential fate of proud of this, even if it is just rectifying the as a pick me up or a cure. By all and the good things in life. If you expected it to be highlighted, veloped. people, white knowledge or neglected exotic pets, I can problems we caused ourselves. accounts this is clever marketing, are feeling the January blues treat gave me no result, so I as- SOAS students had voted to white civilisation. They are not hold a glimmer of hope for yourself to a hot bath, a good movie sumed that The Telegraph was make “Decolonising the Uni- snowflakes and do not epito- human attitudes towards our or some time with friends. Revision a respectable and accurate versity” the top priority of the mise hate, bigotry, ignorance animal friends. By the end of is important but taking breaks is source to use. Student Union, with the focus and racism. They do not want 2017 China is set to ban all better for your health and your Instead of the supposed aim on reviewing the curriculum to create racist, narrow-mind- ivory trade and processing learning. And if you feel like you’re to ban white philosophers, and developing Black and ed, brainwashed, and hateful activities. As a country taking January in your stride, don’t the BA World Philosophies Minority Ethnic (BME) aca- idiots, rather to develop them- hosting the world’s largest doubt yourself or feel guilty – just programme wants to simulta- demic staff and students as ivory market, an end to this because it is January doesn’t mean is the beginning of a much you have to feel sad. 8 felixonline.co.uk/science [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/science 9 felix SCIENCE SCIENCE felix Bro do you Pot and its potential Is it stupid to take smart drugs? even lift? Anjeline Joegi looks at the pros and cons to taking the most widely used Lara Bailey looks at the useful applications of marijuana study drug veryone is \\ A new study has t’s the night before the \\ Newly formed familiar with the collated all negative to other drug addictions, final exam, but you knowledge is not perceived positive alcohol abuse, and increased haven’t studied. If you and negative and positive impacts chance of developing psy- had a small white pill processed into long connotations of of the drug \\ chological problems such as which promised greater term memory \\ Marijuana. In 2016 schizophrenia. Such issues focus and productivity Ealone, 51% of Americans can arise with long-term and Iwould you take it? The Tab smoked cannabis, and its Sciences, Engineering and regular use of the drug. There website conducted a survey 24 studies between 1990 global use is on the rise Medicine in Washington D.C., is very low support in terms of 2000 UK university and 2014 and found that due to recent legalisation in has collated all available of its effectiveness as a treat- students and discovered it boosted higher cognitive several US states. However, negative and positive impacts ment for epilepsy, and cancer, responses is lacking. Few as reduced nausea in cancer that 1 in 5 have taken the function, particularly attention act: The strongest despite its widespread use, of the drug. However, the despite claims. Encourag- or no findings support its patients, highlight the need to drug ‘Modafinil’. Many and learning. It is known to \\ Hula Health & Nutrition living thing on the surprisingly little has been main point of the study is that ingly, researchers confirmed effectiveness in treating PTSD test it further. students take it to concentrate enhance serotonin, histamine planet is gonorrhea. confirmed in terms of its the legal status of cannabis that it does not increase or Tourettes syndrome. This It is clear that marijuana because they cannot cope and glutamate levels which tolerance to Modafinil after and the newly found knowl- Neisseria gon- effects on the human body. needs to be changed, so the risk of lung, head and is not to say that cannabis is has great potential. Cur- with the demands of their increase an individual’s level repeated use as with caffeine. edge is not processed into orrhoeae (the So far, its legal status has that researchers can access neck cancers. However, the conclusively bad. While in rently in the UK, medical degree. Furthermore, with an of alertness and short term It has also been noted that in long term memory. So bacterium that hindered rigorous scientific it easily. If it is going to be influence of the drug on heart some cases the negative links use of cannabis in the form expanding job market and memory. One user needed to approximately 5 cases per although it is a quick fix Fcauses gonorrhea) is a force testing of cannabis, and stud- treated as a medical drug, issues and other cancers has are clear, long-term studies of Sativex, containing two stellar CVs, many students draft a proposal for the Dalai million, the smart drug can for an imminent exam, the to be reckoned with, given ies performed so far have left then it should be tested as not been researched. are needed to test other chemicals from cannabis, can take Modafinil to gain an Lama Foundation but was cause Steven Johnson’s syn- knowledge cannot be applied it can pull with a force over more questions than answers. one. Without more testing, Positive effects include health impacts. For example, be prescribed to MS patients. edge over their competitors. suffering from writer’s block, drome where the individual and will not be retained in the 100,000 times its own body It is thought it could have claims of cannabis being a reduction of chronic pain, the impact of cannabis on Cannabis itself for medical Modafinil is a drug that but after taking Modafinil was develops a life-threatening long term. Students should weight. For a human to significant medical potential. ‘miracle cure’ are relatively and multiple sclerosis patients memory and attention span is use is still illegal, and anyone increases wakefulness. It is able to complete it. Online rash. Furthermore, many instead find healthy study compete, you’d have to shift Unfortunately, any potential unfounded. have reported increased known, but there is little data using it for medical reasons strictly prescribed to patients testimonials have also high- students have reported that techniques to prepare for over ten million kilos, which medical benefits are yet to From over 10,000 studies, muscle spasms on taking to support that use influences can still be charged for pos- suffering from ADHD, nar- lighted that it induces weight they have become heavily their exams. During times of weighs in at just over 50 reach the public sphere. several negative and positive the drug. The smoke may unemployment or school session. Several MPs have colepsy and sleep apnea, loss and enhances moods. dependent on Modafinil and extreme stress, distractions blue whales. A new study published by effects of the drug were deter inflammation-related drop-out rate. Moreover, the called for its legal status to be however recently more However, there are several it has become a habit to use like exercise and meditation The secret to the incredible the National Academies of found. Use of weed can lead infection, but data on immune clear health benefits, such reassessed. people, especially students problems to Modafinil. Firstly, it to pass their exams. On the can improve an individual’s strength of this bacterium are taking them to study. it can cause side effects like other hand, some students state of mind. is its wtiny tentacle-like Since Modafinil is not a headaches, depression, and have reported that it does not structures called pili, which controlled substance but can insomnia. This smart drug can help them study because their \\ Healthy study are attached to a biological be prescribed by a doctor, severely disrupt sleep patterns focus shifts from their work to motor not dissimilar from possessing it is not illegal, so that they receive less slow- smaller things. One university techniques are our own muscles. These however selling it is. Many wave sleep. According to student, for example, stated better in the long allow the bacterium to crawl Fish from the Med, good for the head? students purchase these drugs Professor Sahakian, a leading that he ‘found [himself] focus- across surfaces, but the huge through unreliable pharma- neuroscientist at Cambridge ing on more menial things like run, as study drug forces they can exert might Alexandra Lim explains why the Mediterranean diet may be the best there is... ceutical sources in India and University, studies have only football matches rather than learning cannot be also be a way in which the Malaysia or through other investigated the effects of a work’. bug forces its way into our students on campus. single dose and so the long Finally, although it is applied or retained cells when infecting humans. hink back to the last were less likely to lose brain takeaway was that fish or Modafinil increases concen- term effects are unknown. It reported that Modafinil in the long term \\ Admittedly, this pow- time you dipped volume than those who didn’t. meat consumption did not tration whilst studying. The is also not known whether boosts focus and concentra- erhouse is a little on the sourdough into In fact, dietary difference make a significant difference University of Oxford analysed individuals may develop a tion, the learning is superficial small side, weighing in at balsamic, mixed with alone explained 0.5% to brain health. It is important 0.000000000001 grams a gleaming pool difference in brain volume. to note, following the study, (one trillionth of a gram), so of olive oil. Extra This doesn’t sound like much, that results could be attributed in real terms it can actually Tvirgin, please. As the world of but is a significant proportion to specific components of only pull something about nutrition science continues to when taking into account that the Mediterranean diet. Three most famous study drugs 50 times lighter than a grain shift our perceptions between eaten, fails to make an overall in moderate amounts, with the total brain volume lost is Perhaps it was just the regular of sand. It could still beat food ideals, a new study difference. This particular limited intake of red meat solely due to to the process of consumption of butter beans 1. ADHD Medications (eg. Adderall & Ritalin) you in a fight though – some has come to light featuring finding contrasts with earlier and poultry. Researchers in ageing. And how do we know or two kilos of kale per week Increase levels of dopamine in the brain allowing strains of gonorrhea could the sunny, olive oil lifestyle. studies looking into health this study gathered data on that this difference really is that did the trick. users to have increased concentration kill you in a couple of days, The paper, published in the benefits of a Mediterranean eating habits from almost a completely attributed only to Study author Michelle and with their growing anti- online journal Neurology, diet. So why is it so healthy thousand Scottish people, all diet? Luciano, PhD, of the University biotic resistance there might has shown that those who for us, even without the fish? aged around 70, who did not Researchers went a step of Edinburgh says, “As we 2. Piracetam soon be nothing your GP sustain themselves on a Looking at it in the big have dementia. Participants further by testing other age, the brain shrinks and Derivative of neurotransmitter GABA can do for you. Mediterranean diet retain picture, the Mediterranean all differed in how closely possible confounding factors we lose brain cells which can Also goes by the name ‘Nootropyl’ more brain volume than those diet is full of fruits, vegetables, their dietary habits followed such as age, gender, weight, affect learning and memory. who don’t. There is however, beans, cereal grains like that of a Mediterranean education, high blood This study adds to the body 3. Modafinil one key and slightly unusual rice, and legumes, as well lifestyle. MRI scans showed pressure, or having a history of evidence that suggests Can make certain forms of birth control (like the Another one of Mr. Aran exception – the amount of as copious amounts of olive that those who followed of diabetes or obesity. Results the Mediterranean diet has Shaunak’s Little Bites of hormonal pill) less effective Science fish consumed, regardless oil. Dairy, fish and wine the diet more closely over nevertheless remained the a positive impact on brain of how much other meat is (of course) are consumed a period of three years same. The main, unusual health.” 10 felixonline.co.uk/science [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017

elix SCIENCE f How hot can you handle? Lizzie Riach looks at a study claiming that ‘spicing up your life’, could actually prolong it

ome like it hot. \\ Capsacin may Perhaps this is why they have specifically used for sens- But others can’t been used as an ingredient ing heat from chemicals stand an inkling have antimicrobial by our spice-loving ancestors, like capsaicin could have of chilli anywhere properties, keeping who seemed to enjoy the something to do with the near their burning sensation of hell increased health levels, or food. However, our gut bacteria in inside their mouths. maybe there’s a component Sperhaps they ought to try, line \\ Using National Health in capsaicin itself. Some as researchers from the and Nutritional Examination theories include the idea that University of have data from around 16,000 capsaicin can help to prevent found that spicy food may In particular, consumption Americans over a period of obesity and regulates blood prolong life expectancy. of red hot chilli peppers 23 years, they examined the flow in the heart, as well as was associated with 13% number and causes of deaths possessing antimicrobial prop- reduction in total mortality in between two large subsets; erties within the gut. a large-scale study. Primarily those who ate red chillies, So you heard it here. Next these deaths were due to and those that didn’t. trip to Nandos, see how hot heart disease or strokes. Perhaps the receptors you can muster. Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/culture 11

CULTURE elix fact, Leonardo DiCaprio’s now: Manchester by the Sea \\ fAffleck delivers landmark win last year for is devastating to watch. his role in The Revenant saw But, surprisingly enough, a masterclass in him in a performance that it also has more laughs in restraint and subtlety Manchester featured more yelling and it than any comedy I’ve in a performance exasperated grunting than watched for a while – not actual speech. in any sort of dark comedy that conjures the So upon hearing the amount sense, but rather because the likes of Laurence by the Sea of Oscar buzz currently script by Kenneth Loner- orbiting Casey Affleck for his gan, who also directed, is Olivier \\ performance in Manchester bristling with conversations by the Sea, you might be so naturalistic and organi- screen. led to believe, as I was, that cally funny that the slightest It’s difficult to forget the this year might end up no of reactions or the smallest feeling you carry after seeing different. Imagine my shock of quips between friends hit a truly great, truly sad film. when by the time the movie like the punchline to a stand- I might just be a bit of a was over I had counted just up’s best joke. Perhaps this is heartless bastard, but for me, one scene – a very short one also because the characters crying during the first viewing at that, and only about ten having these conversations of a movie is an extremely minutes into the 137-minute are so perfectly realised – rare occurrence – 12 Years runtime – in which Affleck the film is populated by such A Slave, The Lives of Others, raised his voice. Where a well-sketched people that and – most recently – I, different actor may have put within an extremely short Daniel Blake are among the on a grand gesture, we see time from meeting them they small handful of films that instead a slight furrowing of felt like close. It even gave have managed it. But what’s the brow; pursed lips and me the all-too-rare treat of even more rare is that pecu- downward-looking eyes having a moment to recollect, liar, gravely, sombre feeling appear where we would some twenty-five minutes into that lingers after moments usually expect an immense the film, how glad I was that like the ending of Fruitvale emotional outpouring. And I had so much more time to Station, or the point at which yet this is no shortcoming: the spend with these wonderfully Bridge To Terabithia’s plot immense delicacy of every flawed people I was watching takes a turn (if you’ve seen movement, turn of phrase, on-screen. it, you know exactly what I and pained facial expres- There may be yet another mean): one part quiet hope, sion (and believe me, they reason for this, however: nine parts utter dejection. are pained) adds up to a the all-round, across-the- Truth be told, I have never felt Michelle Williams and Casy Affleck deliver devistatingly masterclass in restraint and board brilliance of the it as strongly or for so long as understated performances \\ Allstar/StudioCanal subtlety in a performance performances. This may I did after I first sawManches - that conjures the likes of well be the performance of ter by the Sea. It’s one thing Laurence Olivier or Marlon Affleck’s career (a description to make an easy tear-jerker Brando in his later years. It’s I certainly don’t use lightly of a film, but it takes an enor- a masterwork inside another as a huge fan of his), but mous amount of talent to tell a Tom Stephens masterwork – the film itself. he is backed up on all sides story this crushing and make Manchester by the Sea by the supporting players: it as immensely watchable begins as Lee Chandler Lucas Hedges pitches Patrick as it is throughout, for so (Affleck) – a quiet, bitter, perfectly, with just the right many reasons. I’ve picked my calcified janitor in Quincy, brain over and over to find a Massachusetts with a knack single fault in this film since A restrained exploration of for starting fights – receives \\ It’s difficult to my first viewing of it, and a phone call informing him of I simply cannot. Lonergan grief, with exceptionally strong the death of his brother Joe forget the feeling has achieved something (Kyle Chandler). He travels to you carry after wholly incredible. It probably performances from Michelle the small town of Manches- won’t be the 2017 film that ter-by-the-Sea to break the seeing a truly great, I rewatch the most – La La Williams and Casey Affleck, news to Joe’s teenage son truly sad film \\ Land already has a pretty Patrick (Lucas Hedges), but steadfast hold on that spot – Manchester by the Sea is the learns upon examining his but I will be astounded if I see brother’s will that he has been a more moving film this year. most moving film of the year. named as Patrick’s guardian. mix of adolescent cockiness, As fragments of the family’s plucky humour, and tender f you were to rely on the (apart from being white): past begin to appear in vulnerability; Michelle Wil- list of previous winners shouting. It has seemed flashback, and we learn more liams achieves the highest of the Best Actor Oscar throughout the years that the and more about the troubles minutes-of-heartbreak-time- as a definitive list of only performances by leading Lee and Joe have faced, we to-minutes-of-screentime ratio cinema history’s greatest actors that really catch understand the deep grief since Anne Hathaway’s per- performances, you would awards committees’ attention that sits coiled at the heart of formance in Les Miserables; Iprobably have one clear are the ones that go off with this film. I’m going to avoid and Kyle Chandler reasserts go-to when thinking of acting a flash and a bang – nuance details as much as possible, himself as one of the most techniques for a sure-fire win and subtlety be damned. In but you should be warned likeable men to ever grace a 12 felixonline.co.uk/culture [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/culture 13 felix CULTURE CULTURE felix Taking a leaf out of Tove Jansson's book Cunts in conversation

Lucille Calmon tells us all about FemSoc's plans to put on , Eve Ensler's powerful exploration of the role the snatch plays in society

Vaginas Occupy Wall Street \\ Paul Stein

bet you're worried. I was on an individual woman’s simultaneously an accept- disgraceful, or that it naturally against women and girls. This (L-R): Tove Jansson's Comet in Moominland; Jansson in the 1940s; the recent film adaptation of Moomins on the Riviera \\ Creative Commons/2014 Handle Productions worried. I was worried particular experience: from ance statement, an invitation smells bad. It is about how movement expands each year about vaginas. I was a hilarious piece on a sex to discussion, and a free difficult it is to discover and and poignant, game-chang- worried about what we worker who pleasures only expression. It is a beautiful appreciate your vagina when ing representation takes or many, the They soon came into their disappeared to the war, and Bandler. The secret ruby the ‘Moomin Troll’, a horrible think about vaginas, women, to an eye-widening and artistic way to give back it is physically hidden from place in countries where the Moomins hold own however, with the first a surprisingly political note was their love, hidden away creature that would catch her and even more worried (and leg crossing) account to vagina owners the power you. condition of women needs nothing more than book, The Moomins and the arises. In fact, Jansson’s own and illegal – as homosexual if it caught her sneaking out of Ithat we don't think about from a witness of a birth, and to speak and control what is In a culture where shaming urgent improvement. Each the nostalgia of brother had ‘disappeared’ in relationships were in Finland bed to steal from the pantry. them” wrote Eve Ensler in the a strong testimony on the Bos- said about their own body feels omnipresent, and gen- performance raises aware- childhood. While the war with no idea when at the time. Jansson poured When she was young, she introduction of The Vagina nian war and sexual violence parts; to redefine and re-ap- eral assumptions fit humans ness as well as money for some have no idea \\ The simplicity and – or even if – he would be her anxieties and her broken was terrified of the Moomin, Monologues, a compilation inflicted on women. Other propriate themselves. into boxes, demanding a these causes. The play con- Fwhat they are, for others the warmth of Jansson’s back. heart into her art. It is now but she overcame the demon, of over 200 women’s feelings monologues are thematically It felt therapeutic to hear certain body standard, rela- tinues to give these women word conjures up a vague The following book, Comet our turn to do the same. developing ownership over it about their body and their and emotionally linked, with and read the script: as both tionship status, or orientation, the power to talk, bringing image of a hippo-esque defiance is what is in Moominland, tells the tale This is only one example of and creating the characters sexuality. Ensler interviewed Ensler combining different a spectator and actor in the The Vagina Monologues gender equality back into the creature that adorns cutesy of a comet that forces the an artist putting their pain into that are now so well loved. and talked with them about experiences together, such as play, it brings me relief to invites people to discuss and conversation. bottles and notepads. There striking: she made Moomins to gather together art. Go to any art museum The advice from Carrie their vaginas: how do they the powerful discussion of the hear this strong testimony open up about their feelings. is no particular reason to books that gave and flee their home. This, and you can see whole rooms Fisher, thrust forward in Meryl perceive it? How they feel treatment of trans women by about what others have to Everybody should feel free to This year, FemSoc and Impe- go any deeper than these again, was extremely reflec- dedicated to artists’ creations Streep’s wonderful speech about ‘the vagina’ in general? wider society. say about their vagina. While be who they want and to love rial’s student community will associations, but it was during comfort to an oblivi- tive of the times. However, that stemmed from civil at the Golden Globes, rings What would your vagina say? The Vagina Monologues some men might find it threat- the bodies they have. They put on their own The Vagina attendance at an interactive ous audience, whilst perhaps the starkest example war, emotional turmoil, and completely true: make your Ensler gave them the space isn’t an activist speech with ening or unnecessary, the should not be told what to do Monologues in celebration of exhibit dedicated to all things of the use of her art form to forcibly repressed feelings. broken heart into art. But not to talk freely, and listened to complicated words, but rather play doesn’t aim to exclude with it. V-Day! Moomin – and when I say including deeply express a piece of herself, The simplicity and warmth of having a giant platform or their stories. manages to be elegantly men – rather it shows them a Having a vagina shouldn’t It’s not too late if you want interactive, I mean ducking personal and politi- a piece of her pain, was the Jansson’s defiance, however, many means of expression In this 90-minute play, the written without being exces- rare, respectful portrayal of be a source of shame, or put to play your part in this through ‘forests’, crouching creation of the characters of is what is striking here: she doesn’t make it of less impor- actors beautifully express sto- sive. The messages of these vaginal experience. a target on someone’s back. global movement so give us in a sandy tent, and wading cal messages. \\ Thingumy and Bob. These made children’s books that tance. Take what scares you, ries of shame, fear, fantasy, combined pieces create a Indeed, it is refreshing To work towards greater tol- a shout (feminist@imperial. through ‘snow’ – that the two were only ever depicted gave comfort to a completely what breaks your heart, and discovery, happiness, relief, strong, emotionally charged and cathartic to finally hear erance, Ensler chose the path ac.uk) if you’d like to get depth of these children’s together with a stolen red oblivious audience, whilst turn it into something else, and anger. It almost feels like, narrative. It’s funny and light voices break this taboo in of artistic expression, and as involved. And make sure you stories, and their importance Great Flood, appeared in ruby – initially only referred including deeply personal something you can overcome through listening to their per- hearted most of the time – a a non-sexualised, non-man- more people read, watched come see us in February! at times such as ours, came to 1945. On the surface, these to as ‘the content’ – hidden in and political messages. The and maybe even befriend. ceptions of their vaginas, we 6 year old says her vagina centred way. In the end, it is and realised the impact of the Love and cunts, light. were cute stories for children the suitcase that they carried beginnings were very small, Not all sources of heartbreak are able to meet the original smells like “snowflakes,” and not about vaginas, but rather play, it became a worldwide FemSoc Tove Jansson, the author – a family (albeit trolls) look- with them. By children’s with the first Moomin Troll can be turned into a cuddly storytellers. you’ll have to go see the play about everything that gravi- movement. In 1998, after and illustrator of the Moomin ing for their father, Moomin character standards, this does being drawn on the wall of character (orange, wig-wear- Watching the performance, to hear what an ex lawyer tates around them: the ideas a success in New York, the Article written with contribu- books, was born in Helsinki in Papa, who has disappeared not seem so unusual or note- her family’s outhouse when ing Trump-in Troll anyone?), you’ll hear about plenty of said about moaning… – but perpetrated by our society; author created “V-Day” (V tions from Eve and Jamie 1914. Becoming an artist and in an adventure filled with worthy. However, we now she was a child following an but the ones that can are a pussies, countless cunts, var- between the joy and laugh- how people are ashamed of standing for Vagina, Victory, illustrator at a young age, danger and crumbling know that this was Tove Jans- argument with her brother. solid start. ious vulvas, tonnes of twats, ter, you can also find sad, their vagina; how people wish Valentine), a worldwide activ- depictions of the Moomin façades. However, take into son’s way of expressing her She described the doodle as plus some punanis thrown in despairing pieces about vio- it was different – how they ist movement staging the play trolls can be seen in her early account the mood of the time, feelings towards her lover: a the “ugliest thing imaginable”. for good measure. Some of lence inflicted upon women. ended up believing it should in different countries in aid of work in way of a signature. when so many fathers had married woman called Vivica Her uncle had warned her of Jenny Shelley the monologues are based The Vagina Monologues is not have hair, that its shape is the struggle to end violence 14 felixonline.co.uk/culture [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/culture 15 felix CULTURE CULTURE felix Problematic faves | J Cole and Jesse Hughes Rob’s Sad Playlist

las, poor likely the inverse is true. It esse Hughes, \\ I discovered that Got those pesky January blues? Exam stress getting you down? Bask in your own sweet, sweet Jermaine. would stand to reason that, frontman of the Jesse Hughes was Forest Hills perhaps, this projection of Eagles of Death self pity with this playlist from our very own Rob Garside. Drive was a ego is an attempt to mask Metal, is a fairly a full-on gun toting huge success, insecurity and depression, tough nut to crack. the wider and ridiculing it publicly EoDM’s music can right-wing Republi- Apublic had recognised your would only serve to worsen generallyJ be described as a c an \\ musical and lyrical talent, and it. You either don’t get this, or lighter, more pop-like take you were being mentioned are deliberately ignoring it. on Queens of the Stone Age. Disintegration Reflections Of My Life in the same breath as the Not cool, Jermaine. Oh, and So, it came as somewhat inclined to somewhat forgive likes of Kendrick; you’d made as an aside, if you’re going to of a surprise to me when I this behaviour. But, I can’t it big. Why did you have go after one of the greatest discovered that Jesse Hughes deny that his views have Moving onto the more melodramatic side of sad, The Cure take With this 1969 hit, Marmalade show that sad music isn’t just to sabotage it all by taking producers of all time, don’t do was a full-on gun toting coloured my feelings about us into the wilderness that is Disintegration. With the disconcert- about introverted arrangements. The song’s sweet vocal harmo- shots at Yeezy? Now, beef is it on a recycled Joey Bada$$ right-wing Republican. Now, the music. Sure, I’m all for ing glass smashing samples, unwavering drum machine and self nies and triumphant trumpet parts contrast with its bleak lyrics. nothing new in the Hip-Hop beat. this didn’t really bother me separating the art from the indulgent vocals, the song is weirdly mesmerising. If you like The backing vocals in this song are a real highlight adding tex- world but, as with the recent at first because he kept his artist, and I still enjoy the this sort of thing but fancy something more dynamic check out ture to an otherwise simple song. Drake-Cudi conflict, it’s the politics to himself and didn’t music; just, perhaps a little Converge’s cover. Jacob Bannon’s murmured vocals swirl in timing and targeting of these actively support any of less than I used to. Another the background before building up to a shouted climax. insults that’s suspect. Why \\ Cole falls into the the crazies. However, the thing to consider is that music go after him now, when he’s Bataclan incident changed is, at the end of the day, been hospitalised? And why classic trap of paint- all that. Hughes has since commercialised art. Jesse’s target his mental health? Cole ing Kanye’s struggles made comments that could be may say some suspect things, \\ Paul Padshewscky falls into the classic trap of construed as islamophobic, but he’s been through a lot painting Kanye’s struggles as as something of his and has taken the bizarre and, at the end of the day, something of his own doing. own doing \\ alt-right stance of blaming he’s pretty harmless. So, I He paints West’s issues as liberalism for terrorism. Given plan to keep listening: at least Sylvia All That Could Have Been deliberate manifestations of the traumatic experiences for now. an over-indulgence of ego, he’s had, and given his rather than recognizing that history with drug use, I’m Anurag Deshpande The whole of The Antlers’ concept album Hospice is pretty sad, with The continuing success of NIN is directly due to bringing its stark storyline playing out amongst an ambitious, multi-faceted industrial themed music to the mainstream through the use indie rock soundtrack packed with stellar musicianship. This mid-tempo of clever hooks amongst militarist drum beats. One of their song drifts between acoustic guitar segments and electronic passages ballads, this track has a disconcerting structure that allows before a restrained climax. So much of this song hinges on the croon the song to build and build. The confessional self analysis of Silberman, which carries the narrative, sweetly juxtaposing the of this of this song makes it one to pay attention to. haunting lyrical content of this song.

Tiegan Neary \\

Interludio Murmuring

I often find the process driven side of minimalist music too mechan- When Bastions confirmed their hiatus towards the end of last ical to be fulfilling, yet Luciano Cilio’s work is beautifully restrained year, one of the great lights of the UK hardcore scene was extin- so that even a small raise in volume is meaningful and chilling. From guished. The combination of using clever, efficient songwriting the beautiful mandolin lead that opens the record to the wordless and the cathartic, tortured screams of their lead vocalist Jamie voices and desperate cello lines, this record excels in creating a Burne helped them create vivid emotional soundscapes. depressive atmosphere. \\ hannah k

The Show Must Go On The Man Comes Around

Featuring food from several of Imperial’s overseas and Queen’s finest moment in my eyes is their final album. Written Johnny Cash’s American series with Rick Rubin is a stripped cultural societies, enjoy flavours from around the globe! during Freddie Mercury’s deterioration due to AIDS, the whole back, heavily reflective album, showing a slower, darker, more album is informed by his gradual acceptance of his approaching religious side compared to Cash’s previously more comedic and end. Mercury’s vocals as usual are on point, ably assisted by upbeat works. Written in the last years of his and his wife’s lives, dramatic harmonising backing vocals. Despite the triumphant feel Cash’s deep, sombre voice is the main focal point throughout. to this song, it is still heartbreaking to hear. 29-95.com \\ The City Varsity @TheCityVarsity Imperial vs LSE Friday March 17

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CULTURE elix In 2010 when Sherlock was explained. Saw.f first introduced to the world From the first moments we The problems with The as Arthur Conan Doyle’s are plunged into a world Final Problem are the ones great detective being brought populated with killer clowns, that have steadily accumu- A series of into the 21st century, co-crea- portraits that cry blood, men lated throughout Series 4 tor explained who can jump from burning which progressively became his motivations in making the second storey flats onto busy detached from any sem- series to Premium Hollywood London streets and walk blance of reality. Chekov’s final problems thus: “This wasn’t a case of, away unharmed, we are gun’ is the principle that once ‘Let’s grab that off the shelf asked to believe that a secret a gun has been placed on and update it.’ It was, ‘We omnipotent Holmes sister lives the stage, the rules of fiction love this, we think every- in an Azkaban-like prison demand the trigger to be | Sherlock body’s been getting it wrong, fortress plotting revenge for pulled. In Series 4 in general, and we think we can get it the time her infant brother and The Final Problem in right.’ Unless you think you’re didn’t play with her (despite correcting everyone else, you her mind control abilities). We are asked to believe in \\ Sherlock threw \\ What exactly did a detective who walks into a brightly lit room and cannot gun after gun (both Moffat and co-cre- distinguish glass from empty metaphorical and lit- ator Gatiss think air, we are asked to believe that Mary Watson, before eral) onto the screen should be done? \\ her entirely unplanned death, and allowed its recorded several DVD mes- shouldn’t be doing something. sages and arranged for them characters to waltz You should be saying, ‘Now to be delivered to her hus- through them \\ this is the way it should be band and to his best friend done.’ “ Admirable words, to aid them in their emotional certainly but it does beg the journey from the grave. We particular, Sherlock threw question: what exactly did were asked to believe a child gun after gun (both meta- Moffat and co-creator Mark turned the memory of his phorical and literal) onto Gatiss think should be done? murdered best friend into the the screen and allowed its The Final Problem, which memory of a dog. We were, characters to waltz through could very well be the last in short, asked to believe them as if they were wisps ever episode of Sherlock too much, suspend our dis- of smoke. Gone was the cer- given the demand for stars belief for too long. Sherlock ebral, carefully constructed and was once a show built on show that we were first intro- seemed ingenuity – plot twists that duced to in 2010, in its stead at points to be playing a were surprising but could be was a show that introduced game of “bad screenwriting” predicted if one looked hard intriguing developments only bingo – checking off one at the clues, it was a show to abandon them. What was The hair’s looking better this season, contrivance after the other. that invited the audience to the recurring dream Sherlock at least \\ BBC The Sherlock Holmes canon deduce it, yet here, in its last talked to his therapist about is known above all for its hurrah, it gave up intelli- in The Six Thatchers? Where grounding in rational thought; gent dramatization and was the development from that Holmes should remain character devel- the “romantic entan- the ideal of the triumph of opment for glement, while reasoning over the mystical, a remake fulfilling for substance over style was a of Indira Malik conviction that Conan Doyle stuck doggedly to even though he was intrigued by the possibility of the supernatural in his life. Gatiss and Moffat’s Sherlock in its seven year run was known for honouring this tradition even as the writers adapted and re-formed the original stories for the episodes. The Final Problem however chose to dive head first into the world of the impossible in a move that made watching the episode feel like being suspended in a constant state of anticipation – waiting for the other shoe to drop – wait- A sad reminder of what could have been\\ BBC ing for Sherlock to wake up, waiting for everything to be 20 felixonline.co.uk/culture [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/culture 21

elix CULTURE CULTURE elix f John Watson, medicating with Doyle stories was transformed IGN in 2014 Steven Moffat The catchy theme song hold their own against their designed,f from the messy cocaine to hide his pain and into a character with agency said of the show: “ it’s not a of this Netflix adaptation experienced adult co-stars. and decaying rooms of Count guilt. Years after the film’s in the BBC show only to die detective show. It’s a show advises you to look away, This is both literal and figu- Olaf’s mansion and the release, director Billy Wilder on screen and be periodi- about a detective. That’s why warning you of a story that rative as the series portrays vibrant and lively environ- spoke of his great regret of cally resurrected to help her it’s exciting.” Yet in a voice Rebooted | is dark and has no happy the children as intelligent and ment that is the Reptile Room. never making the relationship “Baker Street boys” along. over at the end of The Final ending. If you actually listen observant, as opposed to Though at times the CGI may explicit “I wanted to make It was a textbook case of Problem Mary declares “it to that advice, it would be an the adults who are depicted falter, in some of Sunny’s Holmes a homosexual . . . ‘fridging’ a female character not about who you really are, unfortunate event in of itself, as dumb and corrupted by scenes for instance, there’s That’s why he’s on dope, you – an allusion heightened by it’s all about the legends.” A Series of as you would be missing out society. always a stunning view with know.” Mycroft opening an empty The show sacrificed character on a well-made, dark and Patrick Warburton is also a an appropriate atmosphere. Wilder is a character that growth at the altar of high incredibly self-aware series. real treat as Lemony Snicket. There’s also a fun mix of appears in The Abomina- octane action and as a result A series of unfortunate He opens and closes the the contemporary and the ble Bride: the skull in 221B, \\It was a textbook fell utterly flat, becoming a Unfortunate events were originally a much episodes as well as interjects vintage with archaic clothing Sherlock’s junkie friend, parody of itself and its genre. beloved book series, telling between various key scenes, styles and steampunk devices even Sherlock himself case of ‘fridging’ a Indeed the final episode’s giving us a fourth wall com- amidst references like Uber (“William Sherlock Scott female character incongruity with the show as mentary, explaining certain and Haruki Murakami. Holmes- if you’re looking - an allusion a whole has led some fans to Events \\ The highlight of phrases or apologizing for It honestly does not matter if for baby names”) are all speculate on the existence of the show is Neil the dark nature of this tale. you’ve never read any of the named “Billy”, and numerous heightened by a secret fourth episode that His costumes and deliberately books filled with Unfortunate lines from “is tea code?” to Mycroft opening an is yet to air – and who can Patrick Harris as the dry delivery are amusing to Events. This Netflix series is “admirably high arches”, to blame them, from the first zany and dispicable watch and add levity to the extremely welcoming to new- the flower in John’s hair are empty fridge \\ moment of The Final Problem proceedings while alloing for comers, opening its mystery Private Life references. Yet all to its last it feels like Moriarty Count Olaf \\ fun visual transitions between box of encapsulating despair Keeping the queer-baiting really subtle, Gatiss \\ BBC this queer coding – nudges has hacked into every screen scenes. from the first episode and at Oscar Wilde, at Private showing Sherlock. The show never shies away layering it with performances, Life, all those aborted almost fridge in the moments after If this final episode really the story of the Baudelaire from its dark and dreary writing and direction that other people – would com- silence from Sherlock. Bene- confessions – at the tarmac, Mary’s death. Molly, a is the end of series 4 (and orphans, Violet, Klaus and nature; it’s about a man mali- keep you riveted until the plete you as a human being” dict Cumberbatch delivered at the end of The Lying Gatiss and Moffat original at this point it’s far from Sunny. Right off the bat, their ciously after three orphans end. An ongoing mystery exchange between Sherlock a masterful performance Detective come to nothing, character grew to develop certainty in my mind) then it parents die in a mysterious after all. Count Olaf’s actions keeps you coming back for and John in The Lying Detec- of a man devastated by or are treated as a joke. The beyond her infatuation with was the protracted death of house fire and they are thrust always feel tense and creepy, more; even if you are a book tive? Surely not with Molly the marriage of the man he villains on the other hand Sherlock through the series a once great show. The show into a grim and dark world, whether it’s his plan to marry reader, there’s something new - the “I love you” that was so loves to someone else in The – from Moriarty, to Irene only to be forced back into runners doubt whether they constantly shifting between a fourteen year old girl or as an intriguing new subplot widely publicised before the Adler to Euros are explicitly that box in the final episode. will be able to make series 5; guardians and being pursued even his simple action of slap- is added not seen in the series aired turned out to be stated to be queer. Their These instances only add to if this is was the culmination by the menacing Count Olaf, ping a child. As weird and books. part of a horrifically misogy- queerness is often associ- the already long list of crimes of their great plan, they don’t who’s after their inheritance expansive as it is, this series At this point, any Netflix nistic and manipulative scene, ated with violence or sexual this show has perpetrated deserve to. The Final Problem and plans all sorts of vile is similar tonally to shows adaptation is bound to be the emotional fallout from \\ If this is indeed abuse (Moriarty and Euros) against its female characters got a standing ovation at the schemes to get his way. like Jessica Jones or Stranger good and this show is no which was never explored. the last episode or disregarded altogether in throughout its run. press screening. Why, we While a previous film Things, while being crazier exception. While the plot The Final Problem revelled in service of plot (Irene). Such Real world implications must ask ourselves. Perhaps, adaptation with Jim Carey and wackier. may get a bit repetitive, the its hollowness, watching it felt of Sherlock, how blatant homophobia is always aside, in a purely narrative as one incisive friend put it, was a bit more free with the This show also really flour- charming cast and lingering like being trapped inside a will the series be unacceptable but especially sense The Final Problem it was because it was finally, source material, this Netflix ishes on world-building and mysteries are consistently cardboard bunker - as indeed galling from , and Series 4 as a whole thankfully, over. Barney did not age well \\ Netflix series adapts the books very the style really makes each engaging and just plain fun, Sherlock was in the last judged as a whole? himself a gay man. set about systematically closely. Of course it helps episode feel unique (almost for lack of a better word. scenes of the episode - the The subject of In an interview with Gay dismantling what the previous massively that the real-life like they were based on Though Lemony Snicket may walls of the world The Final Times in 2011 Gatiss spoke three seasons built up. In writer, Daniel Handler, is books). With a mix of practi- constantly protest, you’d be Problem created collapsed queerbaiting is likely of his dream of intelligently an interview with an executive producer and cal design, CGI and beautiful doing yourself a disservice if at the slightest scrutiny. “No to be one of the portrayed queer representa- the show’s writer. Roughly, set castings, every you don’t watch this show. loose ends, not on my watch” tion on TV; “That’s how the each book is divided into two new location proclaimed Mark Gatiss as most associated.\\ revolution happens... I think episodes, and watching two, feels unique Mycroft Holmes in the second when the day comes that you Saad Ahmed or even one is enough to tell and well episode of this series – one have a big detective show… a cohesive story for those could’ve drowned in . The seeds of [in which the detective goes not fans of binge watching. loose ends in the episode that the idea that the Sherlock to work and] he’s a maverick Watching several together, followed. and John relationship could and all the usual things and Once again, Netflix rushes however, may feel a bit cyclic If this is indeed the last develop into a romantic one [when he gets home] and at times. episode of Sherlock, how were steadily planted never his boyfriend says, “Are you into rescue and, in this case, The highlight of the show will the series be judged to fully flourish. Subtextually alright?”... then something is Neil Patrick Harris as the as a whole? The subject of the show referred heavily to would have genuinely reboot a much loved property zany and despicable Count queer-baiting is likely to be The Private Life of Sherlock changed.” On Sherlock, Olaf, who is always just about one of the most associated. Holmes, a film that both Gatiss was given the chance that had been poorly adapted. smarter than all the other Sherlock is a show that Gatiss and Moffat rate as one to stage that revolution and adults so that he can conduct delved again and again into of their favourite adaptations it would seem he had neither So, is the series any good, his meticulous plans. Harris is the idea of Sherlock Holmes’ of the original stories – Gatiss the courage nor the ingenuity able to nail the ridiculousness repressed romantic life; going so far as to say to The to seize it. or does it become an all too of the character, while making characters within the show Guardian that the screenplay Moffat has long been sure he remains a frightening mistake Sherlock and John formed a template for BBC’s accused of misogynistic literal rendition of its title? force to be reckoned with. for a couple across episodes Sherlock. In Private Life, writing and the accusations The actors who play the older and series – these assump- Sherlock Holmes is depicted follow him to Sherlock. Mary, What was it Nietzsche said about staring into the Abyss? \\ BBC Baudelaires, Weissman and tions are met with flustered as a closeted gay man des- the unseen housewife who Hynes, are also terrific and The narrator can make or break the story \\ Netflix denial from John and pointed perately, silently in love with dies off screen in the Conan instantly likeable, able to Union Page

National Student Survey 2017 Hack-it, Crack-it!

Every year the National Student Survey (NSS) gives final year Our Hack-it, Crack-it! sessions are your chance to explore the social undergraduates the opportunity to share your views on your experience problems that you really care about, create innovative and unique here at Imperial. By taking the survey you’ll be helping prospective enterprising solutions to them, and gain guidance on how to take your students make the right choices of where and what to study. Imperial ideas forward. College Union also uses your feedback to produce their annual Response to the NSS, which helps set priorities in their work with the College for Working alongside like-minded people, this workshop will provide you the benefit of students. with the tools and skills to creatively problem solve around the social issues that matter to you and your community. Join us on Wednesday The survey takes just 10 minutes to fill out. Take the survey now and help 25 January, 14:30 - 17:30 for the first Hack-it, Crack-it! of term. For more improve the academic experience at Imperial. information and to register, go to: imperialcollegeunion.org/news imperialcollegeunion.org/act-now

Wednesday 25 January Refreshers’ Fair 2017 11:00-15:00

The Great Hall Your fair to kickstart 2017. Meet Clubs and Societies. Meet external companies. Get freebies. Attendees include:

Study Buddy

imperialcollegeunion.org/refreshers

imperialcollegeunion.org Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/millennials 23 MILLENNIALS felix Game spotlight | Persona 5

Qasim Mahmood tells you why you should be excited for the latest entry in the Persona series

Students by day, vigilantes by night \\ Atlus

here are very few However, he soon awakens a aged gracefully as Persona 3 new Personas. Every activity traditional turn-based combat games which I have power: his titular Persona, a was where the series really hit you do, be it interacting with system; enemies can be absolute faith in. supernatural being brought its stride and changed up its friends, playing sports or knocked down by exploiting I was incredibly to life as a manifestation of formula for the better, which even doing well in an exam, their weaknesses, and if all sceptical about both his personality and psyche. continued over to Persona 4 increases your stats and aids Final Fantasy XV He and his friends all find and Persona 5. The games in the battles you will face Tand also The Last Guardian, themselves with Personas, and are an incredibly strange mix; later on. \\ Its main theme which was my personal they form a vigilante group during the day, you play as Despite Persona 3, 4 and Game of the Year 2016; in called the “Phantom Thieves” a schoolboy going about his 5 sharing so many qualities, is being freed from fact, I was almost convinced which they use to bring justice daily life, going to school, Atlus manages to make all the shackles of at least one of them would to those who deserve it. interacting with his class- three games feel incredibly be a massive train wreck. The Persona series has an mates, joining clubs and so different. All three games society \\ Even games like Nioh and interesting history, as they on; but at night it becomes a have their own distinctive Nier: Automata, both of are in fact spin-off games of colour; blue in Persona 3, which seem like they will be a larger franchise. This fran- yellow in 4 and red in 5. enemies are knocked down, great, may not live up to chise, Shin Megami Tensei, is These colours set the mood characters become able to expectations. However, I am extremely popular in Japan; and main theme of the entire perform ‘All-Out Attacks’, convinced, beyond a shadow the first instalment in the game; Persona 3 is extremely though now you can also of a doubt, that Persona 5 will series was released in 1987 dark and moody, as its main convince other enemies to be absolutely phenomenal. on the NES, and the series theme is death and rebirth; join you as a Persona. Persona 5 is a turn-based has only grown since then. Persona 4 on the other hand Persona 5 is a huge leap role-playing game developed The mainline games consist of is joyful and its main theme is forward for the series, espe- Megami Tensei titles, and they acceptance. Persona 5 seems cially given that the previous spawned numerous spin-offs, to be full of anger; its main instalment was on the PS2. \\ The Persona including Devil Summoner, theme is being freed from the Despite the long wait and Digital Devil Saga, Devil Sur- shackles of society, and this subsequent delay, it is finally series has an vivor and of course Persona, is the driving force behind its launching in the west on the interesting history, the largest and most success- dungeon crawler where you main character. 4th of April 2017. The Japa- ful spin-off of the franchise, hunt down demonic creatures Persona 5 is also oozing nese reviews are extremely as they are, in fact, which itself has spawned and battle them using your with style; every animation, positive, and I cannot wait for spin-off games of a spin-off titles. There is little, if Personas. This dichotomy menu and speech bubble its release worldwide. any, continuity between the seems strange, but the crux has flair and a single unique larger franchise \\ games, though they do share is that these two parts of the aesthetic that looks absolutely certain elements such as game depend on each other. gorgeous. The are no walls gameplay mechanics, themes As the Persona is based on of text; everything pops by Atlus and set in modern and settings. the main character’s psyche, and even the most mundane day Tokyo. The main char- Interestingly, Persona 5 is then by forging bonds and things, like the battle results acter is transferred to a new actually the sixth mainline relations with other people screen, suddenly becomes school after being accused entry in the Persona franchise. you increase the potential of very exciting. The game- for assaulting a stalker. The first few games have not your Persona and can unlock play remains solid with a 24 felixonline.co.uk/millennials [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/millennials 25 felix MILLENNIALS MILLENNIALS felix An immaculate conception? Aubergines and their many uses

Quite an innocuous, and yet surprising so rarely true in this day and age. I would encourage you vegetable, the humble aubergine all to venture forth and try the recipe below with aubergines, Barrafina strikes again, causing two like a dessert. The stalk was (or eggplant) is a versatile food for as it really is very simple and slightly sweet, the creamy, much tastier than many of the food babies to spring from nowhere distinct flavours of the goat’s all manners of culinary pursuits, and kale and quinoa vegetarian cheese cut through, assisted dishes floating around. with delights such as croquetas, by a drizzle of honey. If you others. If that doesn’t take your love goat’s cheese, you will fancy, however, I am reliably carabineros and milhojas. Confused? fall in love with this dish. es, the aubergine from my local turkish deli. informed that aubergines also Our last savoury order, – delicious in Savouring the creamy, salty have a number of non-culi- Read on. the classic tortilla, arrived as dips, smokey and yet slightly bitter paste, nary uses, mainly as a sex toy a circular, inch-thick cake, and rich, and I was transported away from for the enthusiastic experi- created under the watchful yet equally deary England to an oasis, menters who have gone well Christy Lam eye of the chef who was con- at home in a filled with travellers from past the root vegetable size, stantly flipping the tortilla and spicy,Y lip-smacking curry, the across the desert, sharing and are looking for something testing the temperature with aubergine is a vehicle for tales and eating. What an innumerable packed curry the aubergine and I have with a bit more girth. I can’t est friend in town? are still queuing up after ten- his hand. I understood the flavour without compare. I innocent, and dull, life I lived. lunches that I faithfully took to quite the history – and to this condone these uses, but I You just have to odd years, you have to admit amount of care that was put think my love affair began In a family that ate very school – not that I can com- day, it is still one of my favour- admire their efforts – some of take them to one of this place must be good. into this dish as the golden when I would take home small little meat, aubergines were plain, for those curries were ite vegetables. the aubergines I’ve seen have the best restaurants Under our anxiety issues yellow juices flowed out from scoops of baba ghanouj, used to great effect – they’re the highlight of the week, And yet, some people are been the size of my forearm. in town and order and shared hatred of queues, the centre as we cut it in a levantine dip of smoked, a traditional northern Indian compared to the Thermos still so afraid of purple beast Whichever way you use your three times your we dragged ourselves out half – the egg was cooked roasted aubergine, with vegetable, and as such of Dal from which I usually that they decry it as bitter, or aubergine, I hope you enjoy Bnormal portion of food – and of bed bright and early on a to retain a slight liquidity, tahini and lemon, after school made their way into the sipped. So you could say that seedy – allegations that are it. roll out of the restaurant with Sunday morning, making it encasing the flavourful onion a six-month food baby hoping to the door of their Adelaide to ‘walk’ it off with a tube Street branch a quarter-hour journey to the next. before the lunch session \\ Reminiscent So when my friend came started. We were among the efficient, flawless, almost-re- their signature crab croquetas down to London all the way first to queue – perhaps the laxed manner despite the – a pair of deep fried, golden of the traditional from Durham (for a breather, wintry winds and the January small space and during the brown crab balls with a paella, the rice was Melanzane alla Parmigiana she said), I got very excited, drizzle were off-putting to busy lunch hour: waiters creamy filling. nearly as excited as those some. taking orders, serving food, We let our taste buds savour like a mountain of primary school days when I After 15 minutes of waiting chefs working at their respec- the after-taste of the starters gold nuggets with A classic Italian dish, our esteemed Ingredients: You can either put them on remember that you want a couldn’t sleep before a field in anticipation, we entered (or tive stations. before our special order mussels, clams 4 medium aubergines a single layer on a tray and bit of space left at the top of trip, and started preparing for happily skipped) through the Our first dish came as arrived: the carabineros chef presents her simple, student knob of butter cook them for five minutes in the tray so that nothing will her visit. The key was coming glass doors into a brightly-lit, swiftly as the wind outside: prawn. This palm-sized prawn and squid studded 500 g mozzarella a pre-heated oven at 175˚C overflow. Try to have a last up with a list of restaurants stylish room, and took our a bite-sized fried oyster was in a deep red colour, still or you can slightly fry them layer of tomato sauce and friendly version. Cook it for that hot Tomato sauce to take her to. This was easy seats on the retro-looking served on an oyster shell with smoking hot from the pan. amongst it \\ in a frying pan – one minute mozzarella. with our matching standards red stools around a mar- We took care, nearly burning vegetarian girl on your corridor – 1 onion each side will do. On the top, add some for good food. And with a ble-topped bar. On the bar the tips of our fingers, ripped 1 clove garlic (the bigger, the Chop the onion and the grated parmesan and the few hours of discussions, we was their menus, with their \\ The hot, sweet, off the head, sucked out the broth inside. who knows, she might come back for better) garlic as fine as possible. Fry basil leaves – chopped or narrowed it down to (drum- tapas section on the left and salty juices from the glorious juices, and greedily It would be a crime to leave 2 glugs of olive oil them in the olive oil until the not, depending on your roll please): various alcoholic beverages savoured the tender meat. It Barrafina without tasting seconds? Fresh basil leaves (just in case onions are golden – be care- preference. Salt and pepper Barrafina! on the right. We were also oyster burst through was a splurge for the wallet their signature dessert – the Andrada Balmez you don’t know that the edible ful, you want them golden, to taste (I add just the pepper Barrafina is a mini-chain of presented with a chalkboard but a luxury for the senses. milhojas. We added this to part of the basil are the leaves not brown. Add the tomato and some chilli). the crunchy tempura – yes, I speak from my own tapas bars serving modern, menu with their daily specials. The arroz de marisco the list even knowing our food still can remember my complicated to say the least. experience: some people don’t) sauce and stir on high heat Bake it for 20-25 minutes authentic, Spanish tapas. Following the hours of skin in the mouth \\ landed on the table as we baby was entering the second editor’s voice, before But next week we will all have 2 eggs for five minutes. at 175˚. Five minutes before Landing its first site in Soho research in the form of were licking the prawn juices trimester. The milhojas looked Christmas, saying that I the post-exams binge so you Use a pretty deep tray and the end, pour over the beaten in 2007, it has gained a cult scrolling through Instagram, I off our fingers. Reminiscent of like a French millefeuille, but might want to try writing can start saving some money Parmesan (depends on how big spread the butter all over it, eggs and return to the hot a cheese-fan you are) following of hungry custom- chanted out our order to the a lime and chilli salsa. The the traditional paella, the rice much better: two slices of more meaty recipes: for that now. including the sides. Arrange a oven – they make a nice ers, reflected by the hour-long waiter behind the bar like a hot, sweet, salty juices from was like a mountain of gold airy, crispy puff pastry sand- quick and easy, student layer of aubergine slices in it. creamy top. queues every day outside sorcerer, watching him key in the oyster burst through the nuggets with mussels, clams wiching a light vanilla cream Ifriendly meat dishes. I can Start by slicing the auber- Cover with tomato sauce and Good job! Pat yourself its doors, pages of heated the names after a slight nod. crunchy tempura skin in the and squid studded amongst and rich, indulgent, spiked even see him smiling while gines. They shouldn’t be add some mozzarella. Make on the back – you totally reviews and a Michelin Our dishes were made into a mouth. Next was the padron it. The rice exploded with the custard. The combination of he reads this (maybe I should \\ I love all thicker than 0.5 cm and you sure to divide the sauce and deserve this. star. With the opening of its list, thoughtfully sectioned so peppers – a staple dish at essence of the sea. flavours and textures was say “Hello!”) but well, this is can cut them either on the the mozzarella – you want second branch on Adelaide they would be served in 2’s to any tapas restaurant. These The stuffed courgette flower miraculous. another meat-free edition. my vegetarian long side or the short one, a nice spread between each Street in 2014 and its third a maximum of 3 at a time. peppers came as a plate of was a bit of a controversial Eight dishes, two girls with But I have an excuse; I love readers – but getting nice round slices. layer of aubergines. brand on Drury Lane in At Barrafina, all the waiters bright green lanterns, gently dish between us. The flower, two food babies on a Sunday all my vegetarian readers. Depending on how good Repeat this step until you 2015, its growth has been and chefs work behind the fried and seasoned with with the petals and the stalk, afternoon. What could be And I have to think about finding a recipe is your oven is – and if it’s a finish all the aubergines, unstoppable, even under bar. We could see everything sea salt. It wasn’t greasy at was the length of my hand, better? them every time I write an complicated to say hall oven probably not very sauce and mozzarella. If its no-reservation policy all in action. I was amazed at all, and surprisingly sweet. stuffed with goat’s cheese article – finding subjects for good – you might need to your tray is not very deep, through the years. If people how they worked in such an Ending our first ‘course’ was and lightly fried. It was almost you, pretentious reader, is the least! \\ pre-cook them a little bit. you might not finish them; 26 felixonline.co.uk/millennials [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/millennials 27 elix MILLENNIALS MILLENNIALS felix f There’s no D in frienship So you’re spending three nights a week at their place. Don’t forget No sleepovers though, you’re not there to make friends. Steal the milk, make snarky comments about the decor, and never flush the toilet (only if you’re Okay so you’ve failed at this one already, but doing a number one, if you don’t flush a number two, you’re an animal you can start fixing it now. You get what you want, and as a serious high-profile publication we can’t be associated with and then you get the hell out of there. Okay, we 6 you). And don’t introduce them to your friends. If you happen to run understand. They live in Acton, you live in Shepherd’s into them, immediately pretend to answer your phone. “WHAT?! MY Bush, it’s cold outside this time of year. If they live JUST THE TIP DOG IS ON FIRE?!” or similar will do the trick nicely. Now run away. 7 more than 3km away, you’re going to be inclined to That’s good. This is why you’ve been hitting the gym all year. That stay. You just had sex, no matter how short it was, so cardio’s doing you proud. STOP RIGHT you’re probably feeling a bit fatigued. Stay there but SEX If you can’t make an excuse, do not refer to the time you spend NOW DON’T leave a toothbrush. You leave no trace, like a together as anything other than hanging out. Yep, just hanging out. ghost shit. (Where did it go?! I heard the splash!) Nothing suspicious going on here. Make sure you make it explicit that you’re just hanging out. You may need to repeat this a few times so How not to fall in love with someone (from Metric) that people really know. Remember that one night stand in Metric? Time to deal with the fallout. Lef Apostolakis & Tessa Davey Eye contact You’re nobody’s his is a follow up to our piece ‘How to have a one night stand (in Metric)’. For those of you who somehow missed it, we provided a tried-and-tested plan of action = snugglebunny designed to get you laid after a night in Metric. This plan was meant to get you in and out without leaving any trace. But expectedly, you failed. We know that some of you followed our ‘foolproof’ guidance, but now you’re starting to be concerned that you may be feeling something more than just carnal desire. Bad Cuddling is okay, but only as Call us jaded, but we think that falling in love is overrated. There’s nothing like a bad case of The Feels to hold you back when you should be writing that course- long as it feels good. Don’t put up work or revising for your finals. We don’t think the expense, time sink, and eventual inevitable heartbreak is worth it, so here’s a handy guide to not falling in love Avoid prolonged eye contact with Dead Arm Syndrome – you’re with your one night stand. here for you, not for them. It’s still T There’s no ‘us’ in ‘friends with benefits’ As it is commonly known, gazing into someone’s eyes for “me-time”, even if you’re spending longer than five minutes (cumulative) means you’ll fall in 8 it with someone else. Make sure you bring up your fear of commitment and your complete love with them. It’s like your annual radiation dose, once Avoid affectionate nicknames. It wasn’t a one night stand inability to form permanent bonds with humans, not just the first time you’ve reached your max, you need to end it. Immedi- Don’t by any means call them So you had your one night stand, but clearly you fucked up you meet up with them, but every time you meet up with them. This ately. You know you’re in deep shit once you know your babe or honey. Do call them along the way because you’re still in contact. Stop, before wmanages their expectations, and stops them falling in love with you. 9 fuck buddy’s eye colour. It’s also common knowledge that dude, man, or pal, regardless of this goes too far. Put your phone down and think about what There is a possibility that this will backfire. (Did I mention I’m in love during prolonged eye contact sessions, you lose control of gender. Pet names are the first you’re doing. Avoid excessive texting. Communication should 5 with my therapist?) There is a high proportion of your sex-friends who your mouth, and are liable to blurt out something like, “I step to emotional attachment, and 1 be solely for organising sex. You’re literally just here for the will just want you more, by virtue of not being able to have you. (But really like spending time with you”, or, God forbid, the L after emotional attachment comes orgasms. And if they’re being thirsty and texting you all the it’s cool, we’re just friends. I don’t mind. Honestly.) Play by ear, and word (and we don’t mean lesbian). If you find them about codependence, and we all know time, don’t reply right away. You’re not there to meet their proceed with caution. to say something sappy, simply place your finger on their where that leads. Prison. every need for validation. Give them your therapist’s number. lips. “Shhhhhh...” Always pack Enough is Or mine. Mine is great. We slept together last August and we condoms enough never fell in love. He’s a professional. You can be one too. So you fucked up. You’ve been dating for a month and you Dehumanise them boo didn’t have a clue. They’re just a piece of meat. Don’t save their You realised because you were just grabbing a post-coital snack in the outside world (risky), and you ran into number. That would imply commitment. So what if their friends. For some reason, they ask how long you’ve been seeing each other. HOW DID THEY KNOW? now you know their name, if you do need to save Was it something you said or did in the moment? Did you refer to them as babe? Or has your sex-friend been it for whatever reason, don’t use their real name. spilling the beans? Was this all planned? Maybe this wasn’t a chance encounter! You’re getting paranoid. 2 Instead, use a code name, or a vague description You’re sweating. All of these thoughts occur in your brain in a millisecond. of the circumstance in which you met, for instance, 10 “Halloween ACC #2”. Just say no Netflix and (to emotional blackmail) This is your own chill? fault You’ve successfully booty called them. Do not be convinced to have unsafe sex. It’s just a trap, and they just want to be exclusive Metric comes first with you after they pass on whatever niche Scenario 1: Abort mission Scenario 2: Go all in strain of HPV they’re carrying. Sexual Before you have a chance to think, you blurt out, You hear your sex friend say, “we’ve been seeing each other for a while,” So, you’ve arranged to see them again. Don’t cancel plans to 4 exclusivity is just a pretence, what they “We’ve been hanging out for a week! Just hanging and for some reason, this doesn’t make you panic. Your chest fills up with this see them. You have your life, banging them is a pleasant extra. really want is emotional exclusivity and the out. HANGING OUT!” You turn your head, only to fuzziness. Are you having a heart attack? No, it’s lurrrrve. This sudden surge Like guac on your burrito, but it doesn’t cost 75p. You do it after corresponding emotional blackmail that witness the twinkling light of hope depart from your of emotion is getting you hard. Is that a rocket in your pocket? NO! It’s a dia- you’ve done whatever else you were doing, or on Sundays when comes along with it. sex-friend’s eyes. You know it’s over. Damage control mond ring! Boom. Wait, what? How? You find yourself on one knee. Maybe it you’d just be lying in bed watching TV anyway (and by that we success? Congrats. was a heart attack and now you’re just keeling over. You decide to just go with 3 obviously mean masturbating). it and propose. Damage control… success? Congrats. 28 felixonline.co.uk/millennials [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017 Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/millennials 29 felix MILLENNIALS MILLENNIALS felix Find your safe space When you’re feeling Dear John, where your politics Wow. Just wow. I haven’t received the whole ‘tongue down his throat’ sit- down, laugh at CRISIS a letter like this since… well I’ve uation. Actually you probably have a actually work others who have it never actually received anything like concussion so try not to sleep. Though Chris this. Not a letter. Not an email. Not considering you won’t get to read this Dear Xhris, a call. I once got a series of drunk till Friday I guess this advice is not worse texts from an ex which went into a going to be particularly useful. I have a drinking problem. Like right now. IK’m drunk and I need help immeedfi- weird tangent about body hair (not Back to useful advice: Do start ately. I went out to Sports Night and got plasterd. I only had like six drinks. One even my body hair I don’t think, just going out with a sharpie so that you Jonathan Masters is looking Monathan Jasters is thankful that vodka coke. One vodka redbol. One more vodka coke. No wait my mate John the concept of body hair and how can tally drinks on your arm (though ahead to when we’re all he’s the superior race bought a round of Jagerbombs. Ok so one vodka coke. Then I got a round of ridiculous it is, and aren’t mammals it might be better to tally them on pleasantly dead tequeuela. Then I tried to mount the Union Bar. Then all I remember is white light. just a silly concept) but nothing quite your forehead so that your level of Then a vodka coke. Then a pink vodka coke. I think that last one was a double, but like this. drunkenness can be easily conveyed I’m counting it as one. So yeah. Six drinks. Now I’m not sure when I stuck my tongeu Anyway as I was saying, yes, you to bar staff). Do start wearing t-shirts down my mate John’s throat, but I’m sure that I liked it and now I’m really confused definitely have a drinking problem. I with homoerotic slogans such as “I’m V cause I only watched gay porn once like as a joke and I had mixed feelings. mean unless you actually are terrible not gay but a tenner’s a tenner”. This Anyway I’m homo now and my housemate just came in the kitchen and yelled at at maths, you certainly lost count will give your peers fair warning and S me cause I have been reading out loud everything I’ve been writing and its’s like of how many drinks you had… and might help you come to terms with very late and she was sleeping I think. there’s no such thing as a pink vodka your budding sexuality. Finally, do get he sexist election of started to take magic mushrooms. ou known the times the end of this week. I’ve made a coke. yourself a maths tutor. Donald Trump. The In this magical world, climate when it seems as whole assortment of themed foods Pls help. You probably also have a mild Brexit decision of the UK change is actually recognised as a though the world and I even managed to get a Bruce concussion. And you might wake up You are in God’s hands now. to leave the European potential problem, all old people is constantly trying Springsteen cover band to play at Yours faithgullu with a sexual assault case against Union. The fact that are taken out and shot to prevent to bring you down, it, due to a last minute cancella- you tomorrow morning, depending Big luv, there is a minuscule them from slowing the advance- and you just want to tion. I will be serving journalists John Smith (my real name I swear) on how happy your mate John is with Chris xxxx Tamount of animal fat in the new ment of progressive politics, and retreatY back into your house and on a stick, grab ‘em by the pussy five pound notes. All of these we finally have a trans-leader in not interact with anyone? Well I pies, and she doesn’t have enough events brought the earth closer to both 10 Downing Street and the have had those times before and stamina smoked salmon. its eventual apocalypse and it is White House. it is not easy to pick yourself up It is also worth reflecting (I think precisely in times like this where We can also look forward to the and continue. Just last Monday, my that’s a queer word originally) on we need to acknowledge the fact fact that soon we will all drown chef stupidly served my Kobe beef the fact that other people around that better times are just around the and die as a result of the polar steak medium rare when he knows the world have it far worse than HOROSCOPES corner. ice caps melting and causing the I like it bloodier than a Sunday you. Whenever I stop to consider VIRGO LEO CANCER ARIES TAURUS My first thing is to surround whole of life on Earth to become in Derry – Mondays right?! Well this fact, it instantly puts a spring GEMINI myself with comical pictures of submerged. Eventually after every of course we all need strategies in my step – think about how there cats, of course making sure that greedy human corpse and animal to perk our moods up and you are women who won’t be able to the cats are of consensual age, as skeleton has decomposed, after a should look no further than my get abortions in certain states due I have gotten into trouble before few million years we will be ready home-brewed remedies that are to a lack of funding for Planned with various members of PETA for to restart and make a greater guaranteed to instantly return you Parenthood – hilarious! There the possession of a few indecent planet for everyone. There will also back to full form. are still ethnic minorities who are photos of kittens. In order to be less lube so a lot of plusses. First of all I recommend that afraid to approach the police due distinguish yourself from the basic you decide to support a political to relentless violence – lol not me! bitch stereotypes of Imperial (You cause that will inevitably achieve a White is right! Syria is still under This week you’re This week you’re so This week you’re Theresa This week you’re selected This week you’re the This week you’re known the ones. The girls that degree of success in the new year. siege and the entirety of the West finally free of exams, obsessed with getting May. You decide you’re to play at the Presidential Union Bar and you’re still on track to finish wear the green coats with the fur As you will already be aware, the no longer cares about whether or until the next lab onto Memeperial you fed up of a red, white and Inauguration. Sure, your 60 years old. We Dry January. Go you! hoods, the ones who constantly left is composed of known homo- not they receive help – less terror- report that is. And then accidentally submit blue Brexit and instead only talent is drunkenly can only imagine the Slightly less impressive share Humans of New York posts, sexuals and colluding communists ists over here! Just remember that if the next deliverable. some dank memes into want a {Insert literally any slurring Bohemian atrocities you have when nobody’s and who always invite you to go (often the same thing) and as a it ever seems as though things are Oh fuck it. Turnitin. Unsurprisingly adjective here} Brexit. It’s Rhapsody in Metric but witnessed. We are invited you for drinks to B@1s because it’s “2for1”) you result, they will not be having any really bad, It’s probably because you get flagged for what the people want after you’re the best they can truly sorry. anywhere. For the must, of course, make sure that success in the new year (thank you used to touch yourself. plagiarism. all. find. whole month. SAGITTARIUS LIBRA SCORPIO AQUARIUS CAPRICORN they’re printed on recycled paper God). One up and coming party PISCES and that the inks contain no traces I can see having a lot of success of any animal products. Now I’m in the near future is the National just thinking of those stupid sexy Socialist German Worker’s Party, cats. God. and I believe there is a lot that can In order to distract myself from be incorporated from these bright the eventual implosion of the west- upstarts into the New Republican ern political system, I have found Party – perhaps putting some sort this amazing way of changing of bright visible icons on minorities politics. It’s not getting involved in that we don’t trust. The main thing This week you’re This week you’re This week you’re This week your This week you realise This week you’re politics and trying to change things that is keeping me going through the Piccadilly Circus the moth that’s been still trying to get onto political Facebook rants the cause of the library freezing as you can’t * SponsoredPaula Deen by for the better as, of course, that this week of disappointments screens and aren’t named after Donald Memeperial. You take reach fever pitch with cooling renovations afford heating. Good would be too much effort. Instead I such as Chelsea Manning getting going to be turned on Trump. Ironically, lessons in photoshop. the POTUS inauguration is down to a FELIX news though, global have found a way where lefty-poli- released (she or he – make a again until autumn. unlike your namesake, You try to become and Brexit talks. Except petition. We did it guys, temperatures mean tics actually works and manages to decision please) is the idea of the Kinda like my sex life. you’re actually more edgy. But it’s all you’re not shouting we’re the voice of the soon you’ll be basking provide a stable economy – I have inauguration party I am hosting at attracted to things that in vain, mememasters into an echo chamber, students! in tropical climates all are bright. are born not made. you’re shouting into a year round. Or you’ll void. Cos nobody cares. be under two feet of water... BPMfriday 20 BPMJanuary Rnb, Deep House, EDM, DnB & more Rnb, Deep House, EDM, DnB & more

BPM (Beats Per Minute) will get your BPM (Beats Per Minute) will get your heart racing with its changing music heart racing with its changing music sets throughout the night sets throughout the night Friday 2 December est. 1957 Friday 2 December 20:00 - 02:00 20:00 - 02:00 Metric || FiveSixEight Metric || FiveSixEight

£1.50 Guestlist £1.50 Guestlist £2.50 On The Door £2.50 On The Door 0th irthday Party GIN MASTER CLASS Saturday 21 January Become a gin coinessuer, learn all about the from 17:30-02:00 marvoulus tipples history, and try our drinks. We’re celebrating our new gins, and we want you to join us. he Union ar £6.50 per tickets, or four for only £20.00 Where else would it be? Friday 27 January, 19:00

imperialcollegeunion.org/food-drink imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on

Venue Regular Events Time Day The Union Bar The Union Bar’s 60th Birthday 17:30 - 02:00 Saturday 21 January Metric & FiveSixEight iPop at the Movies 20:00 - 02:00 Friday 20 January Metric & FiveSixEight Common People 20:00 - 02:00 Friday 27 January FiveSixEight Super Quiz 20:00 - 22:00 Every Tuesday Metric Cocktail Night 18:00 - 23:00 Every Tuesday Metric & FiveSixEight CSP Wednesday 19:00 - 01:00 Every Wednesday h-bar Pub Quiz 19:00 - 21:00 2nd & 4th Thursday h-bar PGI Friday 19:00 - 00:00 Every Friday Reynolds Quiz Night 18:00 - 23:00 Every Monday Reynolds Board Games & Film Night 18:00 - 23:00 Every Tuesday Reynolds Sports Night 18:00 onwards Every Wednesday Reynolds Pizza Night 18:00 - 23:00 Every Thursday The Foundry Quiz Night 19:30 - 22:00 Every Thursday The Foundry Quiz Night 19:30 - 22:00 1st & 3rd Thursday The Foundry Karaoke Night 20:00 - 23:30 2nd & 4th Friday

imperialcollegeunion.org/whats-on Friday 20 January 2017 [email protected] felixonline.co.uk/sport 31 SPORT felix Time to become Immortal

pparently I’ll accept this as a momen- \\ The camaraderie code (not the official name, to work as a team. In that one of the tary butch-boost. Under the I’ve coined this particular stiffling helmet you cannot most hotly stoic gaze of Prince Albert, and encouragement term) is made up of numbers always see the entire picture, anticipated training starts with some basic were evident from and words which indicate to instead relying on everyone games of stretches. The camaraderie each member of the team the knowing their role perfectly. the NFL and encouragement are the start – everyone strategy for this particular Onto the plays. I’m asked Aseason happened a couple evident from the start, every- was welcome and play. Where they need to to stand in as a blocker whilst of days ago. Did you know? one high-fiving after each run, who is tackling who and the rest of the team practice I certainly didn’t, but it was exercise. No boundaries exist everyone was what part of the body they their movements. This resulted played between two giants between hardened members included \\ need to scratch next. OK, that in the coach giving me the of the game to decide who and amateurs, everyone was last one is slightly exagger- best life advice I’ve ever would progress for a chance welcome and everyone was ated but trust me, it could received: “Crouch down, at the Super Bowl. No, not included. I’m introduced to exercises specific to their easily be integrated and the head up and when signalled a huge piece of crockery for the coach who is more than role. The coaches are clearly opposition would be suitably move forward with a small mammoth breakfast portions, happy to integrate me in to experienced and dedicated confused. You’ll have heard it waddle”. And I did. Brilliantly. but the most important date the main training session even to improving the team’s before on any film featuring I’m being serious. Not a in the American football though I know next to nothing performance, having drafted American Football but there single opponent made it past calendar. In pure American about what’s going on. If new tactics over the holidays. is no agreed format. Each me. The fact that we faced style the Super Bowl is an I need to take a balanced Constant repetition of drills team has their own language an imaginary foe makes it no event of epic proportions, view for fairness, I did not ensure each player under- and by the end of the session, less impressive. And knowing with the likes of the Red Hot enjoying the running and was stands their job to the letter. your mother tongue will be where to pretend block was Chilli Peppers, Beyoncé, The slightly left behind but that is I’ve been grouped with the less fluent in comparison. But pretty damn hard. It was Who and Bruce Springsteen made much easier by those gracing the famous half-time next to me in line always extravaganzas. Before I even directing and encouraging. I get into my attempt at taking felt part of the team and even this on, I’m already excited developed a hankering to try by a sport whose associated different field positions. entertainment dwarfs the I take some time out of Monmouth Male Voice Choir my budding tackling career who sang at the Six Nations to talk to some of the guys last year (still brilliant I hasten who were injured but still to add). turned up, yet another sign I’ve played a number of of their commitment. I get the sports in my time, but I’ve impression they miss being on never really taken to the great the field, coming up with any American pastimes. Of course excuse to be part of the ses- I played Rounders at school sion. This is a sport full to the (close enough to Baseball) brim with positive energy, not and being tall meant I could just on the pitch but off it too stand in front of a Basketball with plenty of socials and the hoop with my arms held up upcoming Super Bowl party with reasonable success, but in the Union on February 5th. having Welsh in-laws gives If you’re looking for a team me loyalty to Rugby. Watch- sport with opportunities for all ing American Football always new-comers, I encourage you seemed so slow and simple: to take the first-session-free short plays culminating in offer and become Immor- “go-fetch”, constant breaks tal. Despite dropping down and dramatized field goals. from the Premier League last But I think it’s fair to say, and season, they have recorded you can quote me on this, I probably the extra pastry I wide receivers where we train the bottom line is this, the sup- the highest number of points was wrong. consumed that morning. in both running patterns and posedly random collection of (and over best points differ- Sunday morning and I’m Now warmed up, we catching awkward passes (4 numbers and words coalesce ence) and have won three on stood outside the Union are split into Offense and out of 5 isn’t bad) and the into precise instructions for the bounce. holding borrowed shoulder Defence, where each part coach is always constructive, the entire team. My previous Head on over to their Face- pads and a helmet alongside of the team has separate, giving tips on how to improve. description of this sport cer- book page to find out more: our resident pig-skin team, targeted training. Today’s In light of the new proposed tainly comes under scrutiny, facebook.com/ImmortalsAFC. the Imperial Immortals. The session is slightly different, tactics, we move back with as each player has a specific kit, provided for all members, as these groups are usually the rest of the offense to prac- tactic determined by the makes me look far bigger split further into field positions tice plays described by what code, which they must remem- and stronger than I am, but where each player is given I now call ‘The Code’. This ber and carry out in order Sam Smith 32 felixonline.co.uk/puzzles [email protected] Friday 20 January 2017

elix PUZZLES f      FUCWIT        Leaderboard         The Czechmates 206          Anonymous 205 NSNO 199           Willie Rush 199   Schrödingers Cat Strikes Back 186    Sneezing Pandas 140       Guinea Pigs 104   CEP MSC 96     Les Nuls 96 The Gravitons 82         TIA 74   Puzzled 62   Grilled Cheese Inc. 59       Yellow Fever 53  Chemical Brethren 46 Kenny Wangler, Cunnyfangler 41 The Ultimate Fucwit 38  Nonogram. The numbers show, in order, the length of Big Mahmoud 36 blocks to be filled along that row/column. Each block must Grand Day in Cullercoats 25 be separated by at least one empty cell. RollEEEr 25 Lube Lords 23 Banananana 20 Across Down THE Crystallographer 20 7. Puppets on strings (11) 1. Portent (4) The Mystical Spankyman 20 8. Impart knowledge (6) 2. Pointer (6)    Beasts 18 9. Petition to a deity (6) 3. Scottish New Year   Les Baguettes 18 10. Deteriorate (6) celebration (8)    The Anti-Gravity Acorns 18 12. Cunning (6) 4. Profound (4)   Poulet 15 13. Atmosphere (3) 5. Capital of Canada (6)    Hillary Killed Harambe 14 14. Robbery at sea (6) 6. Fire-resistant mineral (8)  The Couple on the Train 14 16. Overindulgence (6) 11. Eastern (8)        Computer Magic 12 18. Yearly (6) 12. One to whom money is G. Hackman 10     20. Innate (6) owed (8) Salmnon ft. Kanye 9 22. Star-gazers (11) 15. Grown-ups (6) Pollux 7 17. It’s built by a spider (6) Too gay 2 f(x) 6 19. Big cat (4) Forced checkmate in 4 moves (left) and 2 moves Crosswordy McCrosswordface 5 21. Hazard (4) (right). White to move first in both problems. Singed Potato 4 TP-LINK_M5_B057AD 4 Palo and Hippo! 3 Fanny Schmeller 2

Points Available 21  Crossword 6     Nonogram 3   Chess 6     Slitherlink 3    Sudoku 3        Solutions                                                                                                                

Send in your solutions to [email protected] before Slitherlink. Draw a single, continuous loop through midday Wednesday to get your score added to our adjacent points such that the number in each cell has that leaderboard. Make sure you include the name/team name many borders filled. Each point should be connected to two that you’d like us to use! or no other points.