Composer Richard Einhorn writes about his sudden hearing loss and how, with his clever uses of existing technology, he continues to work and live well with hearing loss.

Richard Einhorn Composing and Living to the Hilt after No Compromise Hearing Loss

I love sound, all sounds—loud sounds, fairly straightforward devices, I can hear hearing loss has not been permitted to soft sounds, sad sounds, beautiful reasonably well (but not perfectly) in very seriously harm my life. sounds, funny sounds, glorious sounds. nearly every situation I encounter in Although I certainly don’t enjoy I experience the world primarily through my life, from meals with my family and having a hearing loss—and I know I’m my ears, not through my eyes. Ever since friends to rehearsals and performances not alone—I did enjoy piecing together I was 15 when I realized that I was a of orchestral concerts of my music. my hearing assistance kit and find it , I have spent nearly every day Obviously, everyone’s hearing loss invaluable both in my musical and of my life trying to find ways to hear is different, and obviously, everyone isn’t personal life. The first question that better, working hard to continue to train that comfortable with modern technol- came to my mind was: my hearing and to keep up with the ogy. That said, there is one thing I can After my hearing loss, could I still amazing audio technology of our time. say for certain: compose music? Forty-two years later, when I sud- It is vitally important that people I quickly learned that the answer denly lost most of my hearing, and after with hearing loss stop trying to hide their was yes. I recovered from the shock, I applied hearing loss. There is absolutely nothing my love of sound plus my lifetime to be gained by doing so, and so much Figuring Out My Hearing Loss involvement with pro audio to the to lose. Hearing losses are always complicated. incredibly difficult communication I have met no one, including some Before I could work to improve my problems caused by my serious hearing of the best musicians and most competi- hearing, I first had to understand what loss. True, my hearing is damaged, tive executives I’ve worked with, who I was hearing. I began by reviewing but I certainly haven’t lost the ability cared a whit that I was obviously using my history: to analyze, understand, and improve hearing assistance to listen to a rehearsal On June 15, 2010—one of the what I am still able to hear. or to participate in a meeting. Besides, worst days of my life—I woke up to I’m still learning a lot, but I’ve after my sudden hearing loss, it was so find that my right ear had gone com- Richard at work at the

come up with some techniques and obvious that I couldn’t hear properly pletely deaf, with virtually no warning Peabody Conservatory Dyer © Cindy devices that work extremely well for that I realized I couldn’t go stealth even at all. This is a condition called Idio- of Music with vocalists me. None of them is perfect, but I’ve if I wanted to. Because my hearing pathic Sudden Sensorineural Hearing Stephen Campbell, found that by keeping my expectations assistance—which I don't try to hide— Loss. It’s considered a medical emer- Phoenix, AZ; Rachel reasonable; by continuing to experiment makes it relatively easy for me to par- gency, doctors treat it with steroids, and Grider, Modesto, CA; and practice; and by piecing together ticipate as actively as ever at meetings, if you’re lucky, your hearing might come and Nola Richardson, a hearing assistance “kit” with a few dinners, and concerts, my very serious continued on page 12 Sydney, Australia

10 HearingHearing LossLoss MagazineMagazine May/June 2012 11 No Compromise from page 10 It is vitally important that well as lower sounds. I could still hear also realized that a sealed, in-ear design invisible. There was very little truly my life was never an option, I would just people with hearing loss far below and—crucially—far above delivered by far the best sound for me. detailed information about how hearing have to develop ways to hear better in back over the course of two anxious “ every note on a piano keyboard. As I Since I wanted to hear as well as I aids processed sound (but plenty of public. I chose to concentrate on restau- weeks. I wasn’t lucky. stop trying to hide their knew many people with hearing loss possibly could, I researched high-end vague assurances that hearing aid X had rants first. However, during those two weeks, I hearing problems. There is who couldn’t hear the top range of the earphones. I raided my bank account the best sound). This seemed backwards: My long experience as a recording started to notice tiny scratching sounds absolutely nothing to be piano at all, I counted myself extremely and bought an “in-ear monitor” for all I wanted to do was to hear well! I engineer and producer told me that in in my right ear whenever anyone spoke fortunate. my left ear. It was manufactured by a gained by doing so, and couldn’t have cared less about the style, a noisy environment like a restaurant, to me in a voice louder than a whisper. Now, what would I have to do to company that caters to top rock stars. let alone the color. a microphone that is even just two These scratchy noises became louder so much to lose. hear better? What kind of gadgets would It was not cheap and required that I go and louder until they were absolutely I need? From my long experience work- to an audiologist for a custom-fitted I raided my bank account and bought an “in-ear monitor” for my unbearable. When I listened to speech would dare to operate on my” only hear- ing in sound, I knew immediately that ear tip. A few weeks later, an elegant left ear. It was manufactured by a company that caters to top with my right ear, it sounded like I was ing ear. one solution would not fit all. I would case arrived with a stunningly beautiful “rock stars.… I figured I’d write a short piece of music to test it listening to an infuriatingly-loud robot I studied my audiograms and, while need multiple techniques, multiple earpiece. I plugged it in and was totally out.… Using my amazing earphone, it was no harder for me to from a bad 1950s sci-fi film. Speech useful, I’ve found that my own ability devices. amazed; even through my damaged left write with a hearing loss than it had been when my ears were was utterly incomprehensible in my to hear is the best judge of what my ears ear, I knew I was listening to perhaps right ear. are doing. Emotionally, it was heart- The Composer Analyzes Sound the single best piece of audio equipment normal. A few months later, the new piece premiered in New This problem—inability to hear wrenching to listen coldly and clinically Composing has always been a central I ever owned. York. It was an unusual kind of string quartet, and it was a huge speech, excessive volume, and extreme to what my damaged ears were produc- part of my life; it is the means by which I figured I’d write a short piece of hit. Problem solved. Not only can I compose now, I’m composing distortion—is called “recruitment” or ing—I used to hear so well!— but I I orient myself to the world and express music to test it out. Instead, I just wrote as well as ever. “hyperacusis” and I developed a very shoved aside my sense of being treated my deepest thoughts and feelings. I’ve and wrote and wrote. Using my amaz- severe case of it. I started wearing an terribly unfairly by life and just listened, always used whatever current technol- ing earphone, it was no harder for me Since I couldn’t easily” find much feet away from another person’s voice earplug in my right ear whenever I and then listened some more. Then I ogy I could find to help me write. Like to write with a hearing loss than it had objective, unbiased information on might pick up so much background ventured outside my apartment. tried to understand, on my own terms, many music , I rarely use a been when my ears were normal. A few sound quality, I shopped instead for fea- noise as to significantly blur speech. With my right ear worse than being what was going on. Here, oversimpli- piano but work instead on computers months later, the new piece premiered tures. Finally, I met with my audiologist The mic in a hearing aid may be even deaf, I was now dependent solely on my fied, was what I was dealing with: and digital simulations of musical instru- in New York. It was an unusual kind of and bought a hearing aid that offered farther away from a speaker’s mouth— left ear in order to hear the world. My right ear was totally dead, ments. I then copy the music out—on string quartet, and it was a huge hit. Bluetooth connectivity to a variety of four feet or more, sometimes, depending Unfortunately, my left ear already worthless, there was no usable sound. my computer, of course—and give Problem solved. Not only can I com- devices, including my smartphone and on the distance across a table. Therefore, suffered from a middle ear problem My left ear was down 70 percent in the parts to musicians to perform. pose now, I’m composing as well as ever. television. It cost nearly ten times as I simply wasn’t going to be able to hear called otosclerosis. Everything sounded terms of volume. Without hearing as- Would all this equipment—some much as that expensive earphone I use well unless I could get mics very close to much too soft. In fact, my left ear was sistance, I was now functionally deaf. of the most advanced audio technology Finding a Hearing Aid for composing and, of course, it wasn’t people’s mouths and then get that sound operating at just 30 percent the level of But the closer I listened to my left ear, available today—be flexible enough, and Composing is mostly an act of imagin- covered by insurance. delivered directly to my ear. I found two a normal ear. While surgery can correct the more I realized that its frequency powerful enough, to be able to work ing sounds, not actually listening to To get used to it, I wore my new solutions. the problem, it was now too danger- response was still relatively flat. That is, around my hearing loss? After all, it had sounds. Therefore, hearing enough hearing aid all the time for about two A great company called Etymotic ous to perform. No American surgeon I could still hear high sounds equally as been designed for people with great hear- sound to compose is a fairly straightfor- weeks before doing any kind of critical Research, Inc., made a listening system, ing, not for people who needed serious ward problem—you don’t need to hear evaluation. The sound quality was only for up to four people, called the Com- hearing assistance! that much. On the other hand, hear- fair at best but the Bluetooth connec- panion Mic. I was able to obtain a set I used to love listening to music ing well enough in daily life, given the tivity turned out to be quite useful, if and it works beautifully. over loudspeakers. After numerous tests, extent of my hearing loss, would be a somewhat unreliable. Three of my friends each wear one I was disappointed to discover that I far harder puzzle to tackle. Understand- Although I realized my hearing aid of the Companion Mics and I wear a would have to use earphones instead of ing speech, which contains meaning in enabled me to hear somewhat better receiver. We look like trendy spies, a tiny my beautiful-sounding (and very expen- addition as sound, would be especially in many situations, I was still having golden dot of light glowing from the mic sive) recording studio speakers in order to difficult. tremendous problems understanding we’re wearing around our necks. All I do hear well enough to write. The room am- I turned to the Web and started to speech in restaurants and at parties, let is take out my hearing aid, put a decent- bience of my studio simply muddied up research a hearing aid for my remain- alone movies and concerts. Hoping it quality in-ear earphone in my ear and the sound now; also, the volume needed ing, but damaged, left ear. Alas, finding would help, I bought the Bluetooth plug it into my receiver. Many times, for listening irritated my right ear recruit- useful descriptions, specifications and microphone accessory the company it’s as if I didn’t have a hearing loss at ment. I would simply have to use some technical information about hearing offered. It sounded terrible, was badly all. No one’s ever objected to wearing kind of headphone for my left ear. My aids was much harder than I could designed, and most of the time, didn’t one of these mics. In fact, most people right ear, I decided, was beyond hope. have imagined! make speech any easier to hear. think wearing the Companion Mic is Over the years, I’d purchased a Most of the hearing aid websites very cool! fairly large collection of headphones and featured large pictures of smiling grand- Technology: Innovative Unfortunately, the Companion earphones in a variety of styles. I quickly fathers, happy grandmothers, and little Ways to Hear Mic model I have was discontinued, noticed that I could easily tell the differ- else. Digging into the “professional” I realized I was going to need more but hopefully, Etymotic will release © Cindy Dyer © Cindy ence between the sound of cheap phones, areas of the sites provided me with a help than a hearing aid could provide or a new, updated version of the “Comp- Richard Einhorn (right) works with students from the Peabody Conservatory of Music: like the Apple earbuds, which I just lot of information on different styles, I would have to stop going out or speak- Mic” soon. from left: Nicholas Dogas, Stephen Campbell, Rachel Grider and Nola Richardson threw away, and a more expensive pair. I all designed to make the hearing aids ing with people. Since withdrawal from continued on page 14

12 Hearing Loss Magazine May/June 2012 13 went viral. I was becoming known as a No Compromise from page 13 Three of my friends each wear one of the Companion Mics and loop advocate. I wear a receiver. We look like trendy spies, a tiny golden dot As good as the Companion Mic “ While I spent the next few weeks was, I needed an alternative system of light glowing from the mic we’re wearing around our necks. learning as much as possible about for the many times I’m with more All I do is take out my hearing aid, put a decent-quality in-ear loops (I would eventually take a course in the technology), an article proposal than three friends at a restaurant. earphone in my ear and plug it into my receiver. Many times, After a lot of experimenting, I finally from Dr. Myers was passed on, by came up with a very useful set-up it’s as if I didn’t have a hearing loss at all. No one’s ever sheer accident, to a reporter friend of that I use when I’m at a restaurant objected to wearing one of these mics. In fact, most people mine at The New York Times who knew or party. It consists of: I had a hearing loss. My friend e-mailed think wearing the Companion Mic is very cool! me, we met for lunch (yes, I used my 1. an iPhone iPhone rig!), and asked me what I 2. a pair of high quality in-ear ear- relatively comfortable with technology years to come, it is unlikely” that any thought about loops. I said loops were phones (from a company like and already have an iPhone. I don’t other public hearing assistance technol- an extremely important, underused Shure, Etymotic, or Sennheiser) want to carry around extra equipment ogy I know of—not FM, not Infrared, technology that could be of great ben- 3. a directional mic called the Blue if I don’t have to. not Bluetooth—will be as dignified efit. My friend then passed Dr. Myers’ Mikey which clips onto the iPhone and as flexible as loops. (You don’t need proposal plus additional material I’d and is available at music stores What about Concerts, hearing aids to use a loop system—you given him to Times science writer and online Plays, and Movies? can use receiver/earphone combo simi- John Tierney, who decided to pursue 4. a hearing assistance app like I quickly learned that the assistive listen- lar to FM/Infrared headsets.) a major article. soundAMP R John knew me from a previous ing systems that are usually available in Richard Einhorn at the equator in Ecuador with his daughter Miranda and Hearing Via a Loop System story he’d written about my music and theaters typically not only sound ter- wife Amy Singer I plug the earphones into the rible, but are often dirty, very uncom- for the First Time he decided to begin the article on my earphone jack on the iPhone. I snap fortable to wear, leak sound that disturbs I first heard via a loop system while epiphany at Kennedy Center. The article became the most e-mailed story of the the Blue Mikey onto the power jack of your neighbors, and are so ugly that attending the HLAA Convention 2011 movies, and will attend many more once called “a great masterpiece of contemporary week and the second most e-mailed the iPhone. I open up soundAMP R, even I—who don’t embarrass easily— in Washington, D.C., a temporary there are more loop systems installed. music” and “a work of meticulous genius.” story of the month! Interest in hear- the hearing assistance app. I take my wince when I put one around my neck. installation during a performance of True, no single solution will work It has been performed more than 200 times ing loops—and the number of loop hearing aid out and insert the earphone No wonder hardly anyone uses them. Wicked at the Kennedy Center. It was everywhere and nothing available at by major all over the world, installs—has surged. In addition to Dr. into my ear. Then, I simply point the There has to be a better solution for exactly a year after my sudden hearing present will restore my hearing. But including two recent performances with Myers and John Tierney, many people Blue Mikey/iPhone at the person I public hearing assistance. And there is: loss and I despaired of ever enjoying since I understand that it is futile to hide Baltimore Symphony , Marin worked hard to make the article so want to listen to and raise the volume hearing loops. In a nutshell, loops have a live performance again. But when I my hearing loss, I’ve found numerous Alsop conducting. successful, including Brenda Battat, of the mic by adjusting the fader in three extremely important advantages switched my hearing aid to the telecoil ways to deal with it. I can still live a rich, His , The Origin, recently Pat Kricos, Janice Schacter, Juliëtte soundAMP R. When someone else talks, over every other public assistive listen- and heard the music in my ear—so productive, and fulfilling life, even after received audience and critical acclaim Sterkens and Linda Remensnyder. I simply point the device at that person. ing technology: clear, so present that it sounded as hearing loss. for its European premiere in Bremen, There is much that can be done to When a lot of people are talking, I try • Loop systems are dignified, conve- good as a CD—I burst into tears. It And right now? I’m composing Germany. Richard also devotes his time to improve assistive listening in theaters, to find a spot for the mic that includes nient, and easy for people with hearing actually was possible to enjoy live con- full time. And in my spare time, I’m advocacy for people with hearing loss and none of it terribly hard to do or very as many of them as possible. I move aids to use; all you need to do is to flip certs again. And all I’d done was flip searching for even more ways for me to has been featured in The New York Times expensive. It is my firm belief that by the device around as needed. a switch to activate the telecoil on your a switch! I forgot I was dealing with hear better. I will never stop trying to and elsewhere. Read The New York Times properly using hearing loops along with Using my iPhone with the direc- hearing aid or cochlear implant. a hearing loss. I had simply become improve my hearing. article at http://bit.ly/EinhornNYTimes. tional Blue Mikey, I am able to hang • Loops are flexible—they can be engrossed in Wicked’s amazing per- other technologies, millions of people More information about Richard with moderate and even moderately- out with my family and friends at any used in a lot of situations that are all formances and compelling story. Composer Richard Einhorn lives in New and his music can be found at www. severe hearing loss will be able to better restaurant, and participate fully in the but impossible for every other assistive At the Convention the next day, York City with his wife Amy Singer and richardeinhorn.com. Voices of Light enjoy films, live music and theater than conversation—and I often feel I am technology. I introduced myself to David Myers, their daughter Miranda. Richard’s “ and other music by Richard are available at present, and be able to hear as well as hearing better than my fellow diners! • Loops provide the opportunity to a well-known psychology professor with silent film”Voices of Light has been on iTunes and www.amazon.com. their ears will allow with both dignity At parties, I carry the iPhone rig at hear sound in your hearing aids that is and author who is also a leading ad- about waist height and point it up at customized for your hearing loss and vocate for hearing loops in the United and comfort. the people with whom I’m speaking. no one else’s. States. I told him I was a composer The HLAA e-News gives you continuing updates Is it perfect? Of course not, but it is For the life of me, I can’t under- and classical record producer who had Conclusion far preferable to not understanding what stand why loops aren’t mandated at developed a serious hearing loss and I I am fortunate that my personal back- along with breaking news and legislative actions in is going on, to refusing to go out, or to every concert hall, movie theater, sports wanted to do what I could to encour- ground allowed me to cope with some which you can participate. There’s no cost and living an unnecessarily reduced life. stadium and house of worship in the age the wider use of hearing loops. of the problems caused by my serious no obligation! Sign up today at Note: You can buy an inexpensive . Hearing loops should He was, as he always is, warm, gra- hearing loss. I can compose my music and separate device that is custom- be in all buses and trains, planes and cious, and encouraging. He and others without compromise. I can go out with made for hearing assistance that does air terminals, points of sale, and in the suggested I write a letter to Kennedy my family and friends to restaurants and a comparable job to my iPhone rig; homes of everyone diagnosed with mild Center urging they permanently install participate in their conversations. I can www.hearingloss.org for example, a PocketTalker—but I’m to moderate/severe hearing loss. For a loop system. I did so and the letter attend live performances and go to the

14 Hearing Loss Magazine Dyer Cindy © May/June 2012 15 BEHIND THE SCENES looking at short avant-garde films, when Meyerhoff Symphony Hall by the I saw my friends dance to my music I I happened across a still from Joan in the Baltimore Symphony Orchestra. This knew there was nothing else I wanted silent film catalog. …some 81 minutes was a special event because Richard to do with my life except compose. Composer Richard Einhorn later, I walked out of the screening room was able to hear his own composition. After a year or so, I realized I shattered, having unexpectedly seen one Thanks to Ampetronic and their U.S. needed to study formally and I went to of the most extraordinary works of art distributor, Fred Palm of AssistiveAudio, where I majored and Voices of Light that I know.” Inc., as well as the Meyerhoff, a hearing in music, studying ultimately with The film is lauded as one of the top loop was installed in the concert hall electronic music pioneer Vladimir ten films of all time. Richard’s original for the weekend performances. Ussachevsky and opera composer Jack By Barbara Kelley score took six years to put together. Audience members with hearing Beeson. I graduated in 1975 summa He says about Voices, “[It] explores the loss using cochlear implants or telecoil- cum laude, Phi Beta Kappa, then patchwork of emotions and thoughts equipped hearing aids were able to worked as a record producer for Colum- that get stitched together into the enjoy the performance by accessing bia Masterworks for five years, before notion of a female hero.” sound transmitted electromagnetically pursuing composition full time. Marin Alsop, music director of the by a hearing loop—a wire that circles Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, said, the room and is connected to the sound Do you come from a “I don’t think anyone will be able to system. musical family? leave this performance unaffected.” After the performance, Barbara Nobody in my immediate family is Another oratorio by Einhorn, Kelley, editor-in-chief of Hearing Loss musical. However, my great-aunt The Origin, recently received audience Magazine, interviewed Richard to learn Hattie was a concert pianist in the early and critical acclaim for its European more about his career. 20th century. My grandfather was an © Cindy Dyer © Cindy premiere in Bremen, Germany. Richard inventor and worked in East Orange, Richard Einhorn also devotes his time to advocacy for You were 15 when you began New Jersey when Thomas Edison was in people with hearing loss and has been composing. Did you play a West Orange. Somewhere in the family, featured in The New York Times and musical instrument? there is correspondence between them! Richard Einhorn’s acclaimed elsewhere. Read The New York Times I first learned to compose entirely on Probably, I got my interest in technology Voices of Light has been called “a great article about Richard, “A Hearing my own, by experimenting with tape from my grandfather and my musicality masterpiece of contemporary music” Aid That Cuts Out All the Clatter,” recorders and improvising. I played from my great-great grandparents. and “a work of meticulous genius.” by John Tierney at http://bit.ly/ drums in a rock band when I was a kid, Voices of Light is an oratorio set to Carl EinhornNYTimes. but quickly became interested in writing How did you know you had this Theodor Dreyer’s 1928 silent film The my own music. I was involved with aptitude at a young age? Passion of Joan of Arc. Voices of Light has A Hearing Loop Installed for an avant-garde multimedia ensemble I don’t know if I have any aptitude. been performed more than 200 times Voices of Light Performance in high school and, as an experiment, I have a lot of interest in composing by major orchestras all over the world, On March 2 this year, Einhorn’s Voices wrote a piece for some friends of mine music and I have a lot of ideas. I am including two recent performances with of Light was performed at the Joseph who were modern dancers. The moment also extremely persistent and won’t let Baltimore Symphony Orchestra, Marin go. I work very hard at composing but Alsop conducting. it’s enjoyable work and I love it. I am Einhorn, who has composed many thrilled that other people often seem to film scores and concert works, had been enjoy it as much as I enjoy composing it. interested in writing a large work on a religious subject. In 1988, he finally What inspires you? discovered what he would do. As he Sound inspires me the most of all. I live wrote in the liner notes for the Sony for sound and my primary experience Classical recording of Voices of Light, of the world, especially the world of “Imagine walking down an ordinary emotions, is through sound, not sight street in an ordinary city on an ordinary or another sense. I am also inspired day. You turn the corner and suddenly by great stories, such as Joan of Arc’s without warning, you find yourself and Charles Darwin’s. I find them staring at the Taj Mahal. It was with both amazing human beings in many that same sense of utter amazement and different ways. wonder that I watched ’s The Passion of Joan of Arcfor What projects are you

the first time. Dyer © Cindy working on now? “That was back in January 1988. I After the performance, left to right: Barbara Kelley, deputy director of Hearing I have a new piece for Brooklyn was idly poking around the film archives Loss Association of America (HLAA) and editor-in-chief of Hearing Loss Magazine, Academy of Music’s Next Wave Festival, composer Richard Einhorn and Brenda Battat, executive director of HLAA. of New York’s Museum of Modern Art, continued on page 18 © Cindy Dyer © Cindy

16 Hearing Loss Magazine May/June 2012 17 Behind the Scenes from page 17 I feel very lucky to have been able to do so and doubly lucky that my Hearing Loss Your New Amplified a collaboration with the great filmmaker family has fully understood that this Bill Morrison. It will be an interactive is an unusual life, but in many ways a Association by Cell Phone is Here. piece called Shooting Gallery, with rewarding one for all of us. I want to of America laser beams, six projectors and an hour continue to compose the best music The Loudest Cell Phone Available Today! of interactive music. I haven’t done I can for the best musicians I can, for anything like it since high school and the most exciting projects I can find, Thank You for $& &&  && ' & &! I’m very excited! and collaborate with artists from other $& %&!&# I’m also writing a new piece for disciplines whom I admire. I’ve met Your support! $&&& dance for two great musicians I’ve some amazing people along the way, and The Hearing Loss Association of Ameri- $& &&&&# worked with quite a bit, violinist Mary that has made the hard work and long ca (HLAA) extends our sincere apprecia- $& & Rowell and pianist Judith Gordon. The hours it takes to compose all the more tion to all our donors. Your support is $& "& work will premiere in fall 2013. Further *FREE! worthwhile! critical to the success of our mission to $&  off is a large piece for orchestra and open the world of communication to $& &# film, again with Bill Morrison. All I can Barbara Kelley people with hearing loss by providing  & say at the moment about it is that Bill, is editor-in-chief information, education, support and &  the conductor, the orchestra, and I are of Hearing Loss advocacy. extremely excited about it. Magazine and HLAA is a self-supporting, non- *Order the New PAL Cell Phone and get a deputy executive profit organization—we do not receive FREE Single or Dual Bluetooth Are there any projects you director of the government funding. Our support Listening Device - A $79.95 Value! would like to work on? Hearing Loss comes from individuals, foundations and Hear better, What is your dream project? Association of corporations who share our goals, values

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18 Hearing Loss Magazine