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The Secret Cow Level

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The Secret Cow Level THE SECRET COW LEVEL A DIABLO II: TO HELL & BACK EASTER EGG ENCOUNTER FOR— OH, LET’S SAY 20TH-LEVEL CHARACTERS Hecatomb 1. in ancient Greece, any great sacrifice to the For your adventurers to reach the Secret Cow Level, gods; specif., the slaughter of 100 cattle at one time 2. any they must go through some machinations familiar to large-scale sacrifice or slaughter those who’ve completed the DIABLO II computer game: — Webster’s New World Dictionary (1) Kill Diablo. “Herd of cows? Of course I’ve hearrrrghh!” (2) Go back to the Stony Fields to activate the —last words of Shecky the Barbarian standing stone portal to Tristram. upon entering the Secret Cow Level (3) Find the wooden leg of the roguish boy Wirt. (If you’ve got the leg on you when you kill Diablo, The Secret Cow Level is the most popular easter egg in you can skip steps 2 and 3.) computer gaming history, and now you can milk it for (4) Go to the Rogue Encampment. Place the leg all it’s worth in your D&D/DIABLO games. All you need and a tome of town portal in the Horadric is a party of adventurers powerful enough to kill Diablo. Cube. You do have one of those, right? No? Well, send ‘em back to Hell till they’re tough enough to take out a As if created out of electrons battering a computer demon lord. Because when they’re done with that, a screen, a red gateway appears. Adventurers who step thousand moo-licious bovines intend to inflict udder through find themselves transported to the Secret Cow depravity until they lay the adventurers low. Level. Are you still checking your vision on that last para- The computer game can drop your heroes anywhere graph? That’s right, I said a thousand cows, all with pole- inside the hellgrounds of Moo Moo Farms. As the DM, axes. Got damage resistance? you should determine the party’s initial location based on how you feel about your players that day. Did they CREDITS bring you milk and cookies? Okay, put ’em on the out- skirts. Did they key your car on the way in? Put ’em in a Design: Mike Selinker corral surrounded by vicious cows. Let ’em learn some- Copyediting: Carrie Bebris thing. Web Production: Sue Cook Regardless, read the following to your players when Web Development Mark A. Jindra the characters arrive: Illustration: rk post You’ve smelled this odor before . back when you had Based on the original DUNGEONS & DRAGONS rules created by E. Gary Gygax and Dave Arneson, and the new DUNGEONS & DRAGONS game only a suit of +1 studded leather armor to your name and designed by Jonathan Tweet, Monte Cook, Skip Williams, Richard Baker, got hit by that fireball. Even though today you’re wearing and Peter Adkison. something like awesome gothic plate armor of the whale, DUNGEONS &DRAGONS, D&D, ALPHABLITZ, and MAGIC: THE GATHERING are you still remember that scent: the stench of burning registered trademarks owned by Wizards of the Coast, Inc. This materi- al is protected under the copyright laws of the United States of Ameri- leather. ca. Any reproduction or unauthorized use of the material or artwork The smell isn’t pretty, nor is the army of mad cows herein is prohibited without the express written permission of Wizards bearing poleaxes advancing on your position. As you of the Coast, Inc. ©2001 Wizards of the Coast, Inc. All rights reserved. hear the chorus of death moos, you know you’ve foolish- DIABLO II is a trademark of Blizzard Entertainment. All DIABLO II material ©2001 Blizzard Entertainment. All rights reserved. ly walked into the slaughterhouse of Moo Moo Farms— an intrusion the hell bovines do not appreciate. Welcome to the Secret Cow Level. 1 The thousand mad cows of Moo Moo Farms rove in Two unique cows, the King Cow and his moo-tenant ten herds of a hundred cows each. (Refer to the map on Grief Ripper the Wraith, lead the demon bovines. The page 4 for their initial positions). Each herd moves as a King Cow starts in herd C and Grief Ripper starts in stampede, tracking the adventurers en masse if they herd J. The King Cow blasts lightning at anyone within flee, and surrounding them if they don’t. A herd moves 60 feet and uses his mana burn power on apparent only when an opponent comes within 20 feet or attacks spellcasters. Grief Ripper, on the other hoof, uses his a member of the herd. Any cow who perceives the teleportation ability to move into any herd the PCs threat may issue a cattle call to its herdmates, who encounter, braising the PCs with fire whenever he thereafter relentlessly pursue the heroes’ blood. attacks (then leaving before his stoneskin goes down). Fortunately for the PCs, cows never take a double With this many opponents, the heroes have no obvi- move. But they do all have a 10-foot natural reach and ous strategy except to attack till the cows come home. can swing through The creatures are friendly squares. So an single-minded and do adventurer on the edge not think tactically. So of a herd may be a sorceress who lays in attacked by as many as firewall after firewall 10 cows (five in the first has a good chance of rank, five in the sec- barbecuing a huge ond). An adventurer number of cows. A stuck inside a herd lone barbarian is just a might be attacked by as hamburger waiting to many as 24 cows at happen, but a few bar- once (8 in adjacent barians surrounding a squares, 16 in the necromancer have bet- squares surrounding ter than average those). You’d best bring chances of survival. A a lot of d20s. good piece of advice Each cow has 70 hit for your players: Blast points (please don’t early and often. waste your time rolling As the PCs wade individual hit points for a through cow after cow, thousand monsters), remember that each and damage reduction dead creature has a 10/-. Upon entering normal chance to combat, a cow rages like cough up treasure (see a barbarian, gaining +4 the adventure). There- Constitution for 22 hit fore, a barnful of gold points (total 92), +4 and magic items should Strength, and +2 on litter the ground as the Will saves (but hey, it PCs thin the herd. The loses 2 on its Armor King Cow and Grief Class). Unless affected Ripper each carry a by magical fear, the unique item: the cows never retreat. ancient axe Ghoul They have no special Mangler and the plated attacks or qualities, just a whole lot of bovine fury. belt Bladebuckle, respectively. The map sites are largely insignificant, except that This encounter has no “end” beyond the heroes the two corrals can end up boxing PCs amid legions of killing every cow in Moo Moo Farms. The red portal cows. If the heroes get stuck inside a corral, cows will stays open until they want to leave, whether or not pile up on the outside, likely sealing the adventurers’ they can get to it. Once they leave, the portal seals doom. Also, the western corral features the crucified behind them. Of course, Wirt had only one wooden bodies of two rogues (each with 4d4 gold pieces), post- leg, so there’s no going back to the farm. If they buy ed as a warning to any who disturb the chewing of hell- the farm here, there’s no going back at all. And that’s ish cud. no bull. 2 HELL BOVINE at will, mana burn at will (-1 highest level spell, 30 ft. range, Will negates), all attacks are touch attacks, Large Magical Beast favored enemy (humans, magical beasts), rage 1/day, Hit Dice: 11d10+9 (70 hit points) trample for 1d8+7; SQ damage reduction 15/-; SV Initiative: -3 (-1 size, -2 Dex) Fort +13, Ref +8, Will +4; AL LE; Str 20, Dex 8, Con Speed: 20 ft. 19, Int 16, Wis 11, Cha 15. AC: 15 (+8 nat., -1 size, -2 Dex) Skills and Feats: Animal Empathy +9, Concentra- Attacks: Poleaxe +14/+9/+4 melee tion +11, Intimidate +6, Intuit Direction +9, Handle Damage: Poleaxe1d10+3/crit x3 Animal +9, Use Rope +6; Cleave, Improved Bull Face/Reach: 5 ft. by 5 ft./10 ft. Rush, Improved Critical (poleaxe), Power Attack. Special Attacks: Rage, trample Possessions: Ghoul Mangler (poleaxe, +5 damage, Special Qualities: Damage reduction 10/- increase threat range by 2, +3 deflection bonus, mini- Saves: F +8, R +4, W +3 mum base damage is 4). Abilities: S17, D6, C15, I7, W10, Ch6 Skills: Intuit Direction +11 Grief Ripper the Wraith, male hell bovine Wiz5: Feats: Cleave, Improved Bull Rush, CR 13; Large magical beast (9 feet tall); HD Power Attack 11d10+5d4+52; hp 135; Init 0; Spd 20 ft.; AC 26, Climate/Terrain: Hell and the occasional slaughter- touch 17, flat-footed 25; Atk +18/+13/+8 melee house (1d10+5/crit x3 poleaxe); Face/Reach 5 ft. by 5. ft/10 Organization: Herd (10-1000) ft.; SA fire shield (warm) 5/day, rage 1/day, trample CR: 9 for 1d8+6; SQ damage reduction 10/- (13/-), stoneskin Treasure: Standard 5/day (50 points), teleport 1/round; SV Fort +13, Ref Alignment: Always lawful evil +11, Will +8; AL LE; Str 18 (20), Dex 12 (14), Con 17, Advancement: 12-16 HD (Large); 17-29 HD Int 17, Wis 10, Cha 11.
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