Week 923 Then Self-Destructs
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20 EZ Style InvitAtional by Pat Myers Report from Week 923 then self-destructs. (Nancy M. THIS WEEK’S CONTEST: WEEK 927 In which we asked for new chemical terms: By far the most frequent submission Lawrence, Annandale) was for “palinium”; we include two. Alas, the terms “honoring” presidential Ryanide poisoning: A toxic reaction candidates are all for Republicans; there just weren’t any good Obama-themed exacerbated by inadequate medical entries. care. (Kathy El-Assal, Middletown, Wis., a First Offender) Winner of the football made 2entirely of Bubble Wrap: Bachmanium: Similar to palinium in THE its dullness and abrasive properties Platitudinum: A metal that becomes but is lighter in weight despite being more dull each time it is used, yet WINNER more dense. (Scott I. Berkenblit, somehow is never discarded. (Beth OF THE Baltimore, a First Offender) INKER Baniszewski, Cambridge, Mass.) Sellulose: Superabsorbent Marionbarium: Highly reactive substance that sucks value from with alcohol and other 3 whatever it touches; commonly used substances. Difficult to purge from the as home insulating material in the Binladium: When combined system long after peak effectiveness. past decade. (Larry Gray, Union Bridge, with lead and immersed in (Marcy Alvo, Annandale) BOB STAAKE FOR THE WASHINGTON POST water, it almost instantly Md., a First Offender) Madoffium: Catalyst capable of disappears. (Christopher Arsenice: Especially in those genes. turning liquid substance, Lamora, Guatemala City) 4 (Rob Huffman, Fredericksburg, Va.) Drive-by shoutings overnight, into absolutely nothin’. The Empress was beseeched recently to give another go to a (Lawrence McGuire, Waldorf) Debtceilium: Toxic gas that expands contest we last did 12 years ago: It’s for mini-poems written in the to infinity unless contained. (Drew style of the old Burma-Shave ads, which used to appear on pre- Bennett, West Plains, Mo.) interstate roadsides as a series of six little signs, a few words at a Cantonite: Causes headaches in time, either promoting the shaving cream or serving as a PSA to married women. (Craig Dykstra, drivers, as in “Big mistake / Many make: / Rely on horn / Instead Byproducts & residue: Pepconium: Theoretically capable of Centreville) of / brake. / Burma-Shave.” Last time we asked for welcome signs Honorable mentions great bursts of energy, it becomes to states or towns; this week we’ll stay closer to the original Jockabromide: Common substance inert when in contact with water. purpose: Write a very short four-line poem promoting a product found in locker rooms that never fails Palinium: Its magnetic properties (Elden Carnahan) or company, or offering advice to drivers; the poem must to yield 110 percent one day at a time. decrease by half every year, but never rhyme, in ABAB or ABCB rhyme scheme. A fifth, non-rhyming Abbottabadite: One explosive (Ira Allen) entirely dissipate. (Elden Carnahan, line may state the product name or a conclusion. Don’t make compound. (Mark Eckenwiler) Laurel) Silicone bimboxide: Compound that the lines more than three or four words each unless they’re very Palinium: A rigid, polarizing Newtium: Heavy element found causes swollen protuberances on the short. Winner gets the Inker, the official Style Invitational trophy. substance that appears to glow often in Iowa and New Hampshire. upper torso. (Dixon Wragg) Second place receives a cloth ball cap from Cluster Springs Bonds frequently but not permanently. Sanitary Services Portable Toilet Rentals of Middle of Nowhere, brightly when examined from the right Tatanium: New marketing name for Attracted to precious metals and Va. (a.k.a. Danville); the embroidered slogan on the back says, “You side but appears to be a black hole silicone. (Jeff Contompasis, Ashburn) when viewed from the left. (Bill Nilsen, gems. Emits an inaudible buzz. dump — it, we pump — it.” Donated by Loser Dave Komornik of Arlington, a First Offender) (Russell Beland, Fairfax) Alumnium: The metal used to make Danville, who brought it up on a visit to Washington. class rings. (Matt Monitto, Elon, N.C.) Greecium: A substance unable to Sulaimonoxide brownate: Activated Other runners-up win their choice of a coveted Style Invitational Loser T-shirt or stabilize because of its weak bonds. by silver. Decomposes in hot water. Romneyum: Key ingredient of yearned-for Loser Mug. Honorable mentions get a lusted-after Loser magnet. First (Lawrence McGuire) (Marcy Alvo) modern plastic; noted for reversing Offenders get a smelly tree-shaped air “freshener” (Fir Stink for their first ink). E-mail polarity at will. (Stephen J. Kelley, entries to [email protected] or fax to 202-334-4312. Deadline is Monday, July 11; Bieberium: An element of little Tachygiftcardium: What symbiotic Sykesville, Md., a First Offender) results published Aug. 7 (Aug. 5 online). Include “Week 927” in your e-mail subject organisms give off in late December. substance or weight; apparently line, or it may be ignored as spam. Include your real name, postal address and phone (Ira Allen, Bethesda) harmless by itself, but added to any Stromtium 90: Reproductive agent number with your entry. See contest rules and guidelines at volume of shelium produces an that remains potent throughout an washingtonpost.com/styleinvitational. The revised title for next week’s results is by Tom Nordegrenium: Reacts violently with earsplitting squeal. (Andy Bassett, New exceedingly long half life. (Ira Allen) Witte; this week’s honorable-mentions subhead is by chemical engineer Jeff Contompasis. iron. (Mark Eckenwiler, Washington) Plymouth, New Zealand) Led: A heavy metal. (Dixon Wragg, Next week: History in the remaking, Weinerium: Previously stable STYLE CONVERSATIONAL Have a question for the Empress or want to talk to Santa Rosa, Calif.) or Jesterday element that expands, flashes and 3 some real Losers? Join us at washingtonpost.com/stylconversational. POP CD REVIEW unlike Tyler’s latest, it’s more HISTORY concerned with violence than sex. 2011 MellowHype “BlackenedWhite” was initially Cultural Tourism , BLACKENEDWHITE released as a free download last 10 Halloween, and this physical, re- offers jaunts in D.C. Hip-hop duo mastered version, which seems to Ever wondered what geologic july MellowHype is have subtracted more songs than structures compose the , an offshoot of it has added, is casually ghoulish swamplands that Washington was Odd Future, the (creepy single “64”), depressingly built upon? Los Angeles- literal (“Gunsounds” has lots of Get ready to inflate your bicycle sunday l based collective gunshots) and occasionally great tires and get a new pair of socks that birthed (“Rico,”with OF’s Frank Ocean). for your walking shoes, as Cultural blog darling/scourge Tyler, the But mostly, it’s a gangsta-rap Tourism’s WalkingTown DC and Creator. MellowHype’s latest album made by kids who grew up BikingTown DC 2011 present 150 album, “BlackenedWhite,” absorbing the genre’s surface guided tours in 10 days through all adheres to a Tyler-like mission lessons but not its terrible eight of Washington’s wards. statement: lots of impressive urgency. Spacey and self-absorbed The free tours will run the rapping and beats, and even more (one track is titled “[Expletive] the gamut from community heritage carefully calibrated controversy Police”), it’s history’s most languid FAT POSSUM RECORDS to the environment and will begin (starting with the cover, an gangsta-rap album. GANGSTAS: MellowHype’s Left Brain and Hodgy Beats, right. Sept. 23 and run through Oct. 2. the washington post upside-down cross), although, — Allison Stewart — Erin Williams.