The practice of dowry and the incidence of dowry abuse in Australia: Men’s Stories

Mr Amar Singh

My name is Mr Amar Singh and I am submitting this document in my capacity as a leader of the Indian community. I am the President and founder of Turbans 4 Australia, a registered Australian charity that engages in multicultural events and fundraising. As a White Ribbon ambassador, I have spoken at various family violence forums and raised awareness about domestic violence in subcontinental communities.

In particular, this submission addresses the following terms of reference: b) the appropriateness and impacts of dowry as a cultural practice in modern Australia, taking account of our national commitment to gender equality and human rights, and approach to multiculturalism; c) reports of dowry abuse, including potential links to family violence, pretext for arranged marriage, forced marriage, modern day slavery, financial abuse, domestic servitude, murder, and other crimes, as well as any connections between dowry abuse and adverse mental health outcomes for affected women, including self-harm and suicide; d) the adequacy of the family law system, including how divorce and property settlement proceedings deal with dowry and dowry abuse, and the operation of and need for extra-jurisdictional (including international) enforcement mechanisms.

Male Victims of Dowry Related Abuse

Numerous men within the Indian community have told me they have been falsely accused of dowry abuse by their former wives, or are themselves victims of ‘reverse dowry’ abuse.

The institution of dowry is not damaging simply to women or men; it is damaging to society as a whole. The aim of this submission is not to dismiss female victims of dowry abuse, but to emphasise that the negative impacts of dowry are multifaceted and that all victims should be protected by the law regardless of their gender.

Reverse Dowry

Reverse dowry occurs when men rather than women are expected to pay their spouse’s family upon marriage. Demands for reverse dowry are increasing partly because of the endemic practice of female infanticide. Although sex-selective abortion is illegal in India, it is still commonly practiced due to the preference for sons. This had created a skewed sex ratio in the Indian population, where there is a surplus of men and a deficit of women in the ‘marriage market’. As a result, women and their families are sometimes in a position to demand money from their husbands upon marriage.

Indian families invest money in their sons to get a quality education and partake in prestigious professions such as medicine and engineering. If their son can provide a

1 better life to a woman in a country like Australia, they may expect a return on their ‘investment’. Likewise, daughters with high levels of education and prestigious jobs can also attract large sums of money from their husband’s family. On , Indian citizen married in India. As an Australian citizen, was in a position to demand money from , as the marriage would enable to attain Australian citizenship. As the process of gaining Australian residency can be very time consuming and costly, some Indian families expect to be paid when their child provides their spouse with the opportunity to also become a citizen and lead a better life.

As per the requests of family, paid a total of 4 million Indian rupees (approximately $80,000 Australian dollars). Unbeknownst to , this was third marriage – and he was third victim. She has since refused to bring to Australia and has not returned any of the money. (Please see newspaper clipping, Appendix 26)

Sham marriages

Marriage advertisements in India often present women who have received high IELTS scores and are looking for a husband not only to support them financially, but also provide them with a means to live abroad. In some cases, couples that have met through such advertisements get married in India, and the husband’s family agrees to pay for the couple’s expenses of relocating to Australia – including the cost of obtaining visas. Once receiving a partner visa, the woman disappears, having obtained a path to permanent residency in Australia. These women do not include their husbands on their permanent visa application. In some cases, men whose visas have lapsed are placed in immigration detention.

False Dowry Accusations

In India, women do not need to provide proof supporting their claims of dowry abuse; they simply need to provide a statement to police, which prompts an investigation. In some cases, women accuse not only their husbands but also their husband’s relatives, including minors. In perhaps the most extreme case, a two-month-old baby was arrested. As dowry abuse is a non-bailable offence, the accused can be held in custody for months until their court hearing takes place. Due to the backlog of court cases in India, legal proceedings can last for years. Since anti-dowry laws have become active in Victoria, some men have been tried in both India and Australia for the same crime. Paying for two court proceedings simultaneously is a massive financial burden.

An Australian resident in his mid-30s became a victim of false dowry claims after marrying an Indian woman in 2013. With the case against him still ongoing, he is now paying $300 to $500 per month for legal fees to keep his family in India out of prison, who have also been charged with dowry abuse. He cannot visit his family in India as his passport will be confiscated upon arrival, and he risks being arrested. His family cannot visit him in Australia as their passports have been removed. The victim is socially isolated and withdrawn, working two jobs to keep up with legal expenses.

Another victim from Western Australia also has an ongoing legal case against him in India. He has not yet been found guilty of dowry abuse, but has already been ordered

2 to pay upwards of 200,000 rupees per month (roughly $4000 Australian dollars) to his ex-wife, making it difficult for him to maintain his life in Australia.

Australia has a duty of care towards the almost half a million Indians who now call Australia home. Australia should help its citizens stuck in India with free legal advice, and assist with legal fees in appropriate circumstances.

Ultimately, Australia and India need to increase their cooperation over dowry laws, reaching an agreement on how they will share responsibility in legal cases. Australia also needs to be aware that the Indian court system is filled with corruption, and people can be charged for crimes with little to no evidence against them. If the Australian High Commissioner in India is involved in investigations, they can keep the process fair and accountable.

Impact on Mental health

Male victims of dowry related abuse often struggle to cope with the stress and humiliation of being victimised. As many victims are left financially crippled, they are often unable to fulfil their culturally expected role of breadwinner and financial provider to their parents, siblings and children, creating an additional source of shame. Male victims experience depression and suicidal thoughts, as well as alcohol and drug addiction, while elderly parents often share the burden of shame and financial hardship with their son.

In one case, a divorced Adelaide man with a pending dowry case in India went missing. He was eventually found in Melbourne, but the emotional strain of dealing with an ongoing legal case evidently contributed to his mental health breakdown.

Yet men are left without adequate psychological support. Culturally sensitive counselling services are not widely available for male victims, unlike they are for women. There needs to be greater acknowledgement of male victims and availability of services specifically targeted at them.

Divorce and International custody issues

Australia and India are not signatories to the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. Some fathers have not seen their children for three or four years as their partners have taken their children to India without gaining legal custody. Australian custody rulings are not recognised in India. A person who is born here has a right to grow up here.

Although marriages conducted in India are recognised in Australia, divorces held in Australia are not recognised in India. If a divorced man wishes to remarry, he risks being charged of bigamy upon return to India.

Note: All of the following case studies have been written by actual victims of dowry abuse and false dowry claims, or the relatives of a victim. They have been left unedited to capture the unique experiences and perspectives of each victim.

3 Appendix 1

Name Withheld

Occupation: Employee with Queensland Government

City of Residence: Brisbane

Status : Australian citizen

Came in Australia in 2005 on student visa

Stuck in False Dowry Case :

Got arranged marriage in 2010 with a girls from Rajasthan, India. After 2 yrs of waiting , she got residency in 2012. I did not have any idea that she had been just waiting for her Australian residency as she suddenly made plans to go to India. Once she went to India in May 2012 she stop picking up my phones and when I asked her family they simply said to me that I now I need to visit India to talk to them face to face, only then they will permit their daughter to talk me. I did not got to India and insist them to discuss over the phone or video calls to discuss whatever they had in their mind.

I was keep waiting for her to come back , but I got to know that she went to India and then came back directly in Adelaide and started living with her Uni boyfriend. Then I filed divorce in Australia.

After receiving divorce application , she went to India in Jan 2016 and filed false 498a against me and my following family members.

- Against me ( Australian citizen)

- Against My elder brother ( Australian citizen )

-. Against My father (Indian citizen)

- Against My mother (Indian citizen)

- Against My sister and brother-in-law USA citizen

- Against my two Uncles (Indian citizens)

4 To finish the falsely logged Dowry case in India they ask me to pay them amount equivalent to Australian dollars $200 K.

I decided not pay any money as neither me or my family never gained any money from my ex-wife family before or after marriage.

In India police carried out 2 separate investigation and submitted their final report to magistrate court with the statement that “no crime has been found but the case is still pending in local Magistrate Court” as my ex does not go the attend the hearing and the case still going on. Till today we are all accused until court close this case .

Is your spouse currently in Aus? What's his/her visa status?

Yes

Was there any case in india ?

498a

Appendix 2

I would like to be anonymous.

I married in 2011 in India i sponsor my x wife and she joined here me in Australia 2012.

After coming Australia she refused to work and her only dream is to spend money and send money to her parents which i cant afford. I was only working for 5 years and supporting family. In 2013 i had baby girl, she did not take care of her. after 4 to 5 years she think i am not the right person for her she can marry someone in India, bring him here and get money from him. She left house in may 2017 and go to India. even she left child with me. i am taking care of her alone. she came back to Australia in august 2017 and start living separately. one day in January 2018 she call me. she changed her mobile number after coming back. when i ring back that number she abused me. next day she went to court and took DVO against me that she fear of her life. i did not see her from 6 months how is it possible. i never tried to contact her. her parents lodge dowry case against my parents in India as well. after having child and Australian passport she want money so that she could settle down her brother and parents. which was hard for me as a single earning member. now her parents are demanding 30 lakhs in india to withdraw dowry case.

She dont want child nor she had seen her from 2 years. I am taking care of her alone. also me and my parents suffering without any fault. they did not seen my x wife

5 from 3 years how my parents get involved. now i had paid her 21 lakhs cash and 40% from super, she had withdrawn cases. it all started just for money. she dont want ot work in Australia, but want money for her parents.

I had never have any violence with her. my all neighbours had given in written about my character. she had the habit of hitting child and me. i had videos where she hit me. but she exploit the law just because she is women and used against me.

My parents suffered a lot they are taking care of child at 60 plus and also they had suffered from police in India just fake dowry case. there are different reasons for dispute but they just use dowry or DVO

If they want to make a dowry law there should swear punishment for false case. if it is proved that she had implicated false there should be punishment for her as well if women lie. data can be collected from india 50% dowry cases are fake

Appendix 3

I would like to express my story in response to the dowry laws that are considered for Indian origin people in Australia. Our relation ended on 1st April 2017 in Melbourne, but till date my family members (in Australia and India) are being harassed and extorted by using the Indian Police and abusing the Indian Laws of dowry. As soon as my ex-wife got permanent residency visa her father called India to put up a fake case against all of us using the dowry and other sections which are very commonly used as a weapon to harass and pressurize the in-laws to get extortion and take revenge due to break up of the relationship. So her family started threatening and blackmailing us that they will not spare us in India and Australia, will ruin our life and I won’t be able to marry again with any girl in India. Moreover, they told I will not be able to get Australian Citizenship if they proceed with the Police case that she already did. They will send me and my family to jail if we do anything wrong to her daughter and if I or my family visit India then they will get some goons to beat us so we get paralysed and can’t work or live so we got scared. After that we all understood what was the purpose of all these dramas and fake allegations in Police complaint and leaving my family for no reason as her only intention was to get physiotherapist registration on my money and a free ticket to permanent residency in Australia then groom dumping (throw me and my family) after using them as much as she can. When my mom and sister went to India in Jan’18 for attending my brother’s and few other wedding ceremonies as well as visiting our relatives. Somehow, her parents got to know about this so did a fake complaint to Police in India that we are asking dowry from them in fact and not returning her gold stuff which we never intended or did. They did all

6 these to threaten us that they will not allow to enter to India if we did anything to her daughter and causing us mental harassment as well. Hence, we decided to call my mom and sister to Melbourne soon as I don’t want them to be mentally hammered with Police and they were mentally harassing them in India so they came back early before the scheduled return date. Following month, as my mom and sister came back to Melbourne after giving the statement of fact from our side to Police, her parents lodged another complaints involving my maternal grandfather with another fake allegations even though he is a senior citizen and have nothing to do with us, as they always lived separately. Till date, I haven’t withdrawn/revoked my sponsorship but when I met Immigration lawyer and explained whatever happened and given the evidence that I have, lawyer told us that now a days this way is the most commonly used weapon by every women from Asian countries who are actually not the victim of it but misusing the laws to get permanent residency very easily and cheapest way. Moreover, lawyer explained us that there are so many fraudulent cases happening now a days for getting visa to Australia and she understood what happened with us. Furthermore, explained how easy is to get PR visa and most of Asian women are using this as a weapon and a free ticket to this beautiful country. So I have checked online and found interesting articles relating to these facts.

Furthermore, her parents are still threatening and blackmailing us that they will withdraw the case if we pay approx. $150,000 (which is again abuse of Indian and Australian Laws). I know she is working full time permanent as a physiotherapist in Melbourne so why she will need this much money. They are indirectly asking money from us through our relatives over the phone and in meetings they had recently when we asked that we both should apply for mutual consent divorce application in India and Australia as we were religiously married in India so it is good for both of us to get legally separated (as per Hindu marriage act) there as well but they are not ready/willing to do as their intention is to get money from us even after they did all these fraud with my family. If we do not get mutual consent divorce here in Australia then there is an option under Indian marriage laws that she can challenge the single sided/ ex-parte divorce application if I do here and I would be wasting all my life, time, energy and money fighting the case against her in India which would really a nightmare for me and my family. As we are eligible to apply for divorce in Australia since we are separated from 1st April 2017 we need to lodge application for mutual divorce but she is not ready to do so, instead claiming money from us and doing mental harassment from India. By going through all these incidents in sequence and connecting the dots, we found that my ex-wife and her parents are of really bad characters with fraudulent intention, criminal mind and misusing our family, Immigration laws, Police and did a big fraud with everyone to fulfil their desire and goal. Due to all these harassments and misusing the laws in both countries, it has become very hard for us to live peacefully and happily hence causing mental stress. We are in a trauma that how someone can do such things intentionally to extort and revenge. Last but not the least, we are not able to fly to our native home in India as we

7 are worried that Indian court will impound our passports and will not allow to come back to Australia which will ruin our life completely by losing job and everything here on top of the mental torture and hammering of Indian Police and courts. Needless to say, to get out of these fake allegations we will spend easily around $20,000 and the case might take 4-5years to decide in our favour. Till then we are treated as guilty until proved innocent in the jurisdiction of India under dowry laws and other sections that are alleged against us.

Please read the fake police complaint filed by her to abuse the Indian laws in addition to Australian laws which she already did. My comments are on the right side. Indian Police Complaint/F.I.R by ex-wife against me and my family when she went to India after getting permanent residency. The notice is in our native language Gujarati which I’m translating to English for your perusal. I’m sure you might be aware how the police can be used by bribes in India and misusing the laws for protection of women using as a weapon to take revenge and trying extortion. Respondents: myself, dad, mom, sister (all are Australian citizens living in Melbourne) and my maternal grandfather (living in India) F.I.R/Complaint Date: Indian Penal Codes: 498(A), 323, 504, 114, Section 3 and 7 under Dowry Prohibition Act.

The FAKE STORY and ALLEGATIONS: She has mentioned in the complaint that since 15 days after our marriage on in India, I have demanded INR 10, 00, 000 (equivalent to $20,000) from her parents to be able to move to Australia permanently and buy a house for us which she refused to pay saying her parents have splurged money on our wedding and they don’t have any money to support my migration to Australia and buy a house for us. Upon her refusal, I had hit her and then we (myself, mom and sister) left for Melbourne. Moreover, when I went to India on , my maternal grandfather and I again started demanding money from her father to buy a house in Australia which she again refused to give and we abused her a lot along with hitting her. On she got the partner visa and she migrated to Australia on to reside with my family. On arriving here, my family were abusing her, demanding dowry and using her as slave to do all household tasks and not allowing her to go anywhere (or work) or contact her relatives in Australia or her family in India causing her mental stress. Due to all these matters, she had complaint in Melbourne police and got a court order against all of us for not harassing her by asking dowry or abuse her but we never stopped doing or changed our behaviour and kept demanding dowry and abusing her (and family as well) when my mom and sister went India during and we all were still harassing and by giving mental as well as physical stress so her father tried to explain us for not to demand dowry and let her daughter live with Ronak. Last but not the least, upon our refusal she ended the relationship with all of us and left Australia on to reside with her parents in India forever.

WHY ANYONE WILL FILE A FALSE FIR or COMPLAINT AGAINST YOU?

8

Here are some answers: You may have strained relations with wife. Wife may have left you. She has filed false complaints of torture, dowry demands, and cruelty. Not only against you, but also against your family and also against your relative living abroad! She may have three purpose for filing false case against you, (1) To teach a lesson to you and to your family (2) To ask for some money (30% of which may be payable for lawyers’ fees) (3) To bow down your male ego to her feet and to make you agree to her terms, including term to remove your mother from your house. Read more at: http://www.lawyersclubindia.com/forum/False-implication-u-s-354-323- ipc125600.asp Actions from Indian Police: Police have sent a notice to my maternal grandfather who is residing in India and also to all of us addressing at my Melbourne house by registered post on . In response to the complaint received, Police has asked all (myself, mom, dad and sister) to attend the , within 10 days of accepting this notice to give answer to this complaint.

Best Regards from a faithful Australian Citizen,

Appendix 4

I would like to keep my name withheld as I have proceedings running in Indian courts. I am a law-abiding citizen of Australia for over 15 years and never indulged in any crime here or overseas. Originally from India, I am the only son of my parents, finished my postgraduate education at a prestigious university and currently working for a large multi-national technological company in a reputable position in Australia. Just after I was 33, I decided to settle down and got married to a girl from India. I never was or am interested in dowry hence made no dowry demands from her or her family. Little did I know that my life would be downhill from there. Few days into our marriage there was a huge push from her family to apply for an Australian visa. As a dotting husband I provided all support to her, sponsored her spouse visa and encouraged her to transfer her skills to match the Australian market requirements for her professional ambitions. I was even forced and threatened to speed up spouse visa process, despite explaining it was out of my hands. I was given threats to satisfy financial demands and provision of materialistic comforts in Australia to my wife else face the consequences. At work she was successful to get the 457 work visa through her Indian employer while her spouse visa application was in process. I was happy that she could be here soon after the marriage. However, destiny had something else in store for me: (1) I went to greet her at her port of arrival however to my surprise she had already made her living arrangements with someone else. After a brief meet, she left the airport with another male person. She left at her own will. I was shaken. I realised that I was cheated as she was interested only to get into the country.

9 (2) Once in Australia she did not cohabit with me even for an hour. All my attempts to connect to her were futile and thereafter after few days I called our very own Department of Immigration of the discuss the situation and get some advice.

(3) After this as she knew my work address she created a huge ruckus at the place of my work and this caused me great embarrassment, shame, mental and emotional trauma. I was devastated.

(4) Exactly 13 months after her arrival into Australia & her desertion, she and her mother called my parents and started allegations of dowry, harassment and threats of false cases. We were scared.

(5) Realising I was cheated and deserted, I filed a petition for divorce in Indian courts two years after desertion. As an Australian citizen I could have approached Australian courts for an easy divorce however, I chose not to as my marriage was solemnised in India.

(6) Once the petition was lodged the girl and her family went into hiding. They were uncontactable on their phones, changed their mobile numbers, addresses and seem not locatable. We had to endure a lot of hardship to serve a notice of summons. The court proceedings are still active since the past 2.5 years and she has only appeared once. Her legal representative only delays the proceedings in a hope for financial settlement.

(7) In reply to my divorce petition, she accused my family and me of dowry and causing harassment to her. Of the few days she was living with my parents and me in India she was busy with her extended office hours from 7:30 am to 8:30 pm and was always treated with utmost respect. The accusations are crafted without any evidence with an intention to cause harassment to us. This is quite common in India as this always ends in extorting a huge sum from the groom for the girl to withdraw the accusation. A fear of false domestic violence and dowry harrassment case lies upon us.

(8) My marriage lasted under a month and I remain deserted for close to 5 years now. Despite this I can’t see any end to this matter as the girl never appears for court hearings and the matter is getting incessantly delayed due to her false allegations. All matrimonial laws in India favour the woman and a man helplessly runs around for court proceedings, wasting precious years of life. (9) Due to me being the sole breadwinner and carer to my parents I have to maintain my job and attend the court cases in India when required by law. When possible my old parents (now 75 and 71 respectively) attend the court proceedings on my behalf via Power of Attorney. My parents are old, have health issues and I feel sad that they have to go through this. Due to the girls absence the court proceedings hardly move ahead.

10 (10) Until the divorce comes through, given her allegations we continuously live in fear of a false case upon us for the want of financial settlement. I'm emotionally very tired and depressed for putting my family through all this struggle. Appendix 5

I met my ex-wife online through bharatmatrimony.com (an online Indian portal that introduces men and women who want to marry) and we got married in India late in 2009. We lived in different cities in South India before marriage. In fact, I left my well-paying job and moved cities to be with her because she said she wouldn’t leave hers and join me.

There was no dowry. Even the wedding gifts were minimal and all the cash we got we spent on utilities such as a fridge etc.

Our daughter was born in 2011. However, our relations had soured till that point due to misunderstandings and her constant suspicion that I had an extra-marital affair.

Finally, I left our apartment in April 2012 as my mother-in-law my wife would gang up against me, insult me and ask me to commit suicide.

I tried to save the marriage and took her to Family Therapy sessions with me but to no avail.

Finally, one month after I made my initial entry to Australia in October 2012 for the PR visa and returned in a week to India, I got a phone call from the police that my ex- wife had lodged a complaint against me. I went to the police station and it was settled after the police tried to counsel us and took a statement closing the matter.

I filed for divorce in a month because my ex-wife wrote in her statement she would not stay with me. Within a month of the court subpoena reaching her, she filed another police complaint but it was again resolved. However, two weeks later, the police informed me she had slapped a dowry harassment case and domestic violence against me and my parents (who incidentally stayed 2,000 km away), a criminal case. Ridiculously, there was no proof, no witnesses but just her statement that seemed to have been taken at face value.

I had to rush for anticipatory bail as I couldn’t afford to lose my job. The case dragged on for 5 years till this June. Meantime, we got divorced in

But the dowry case meant I could not see my daughter for a whole year for fear of fresh allegations by my wife. Finally, a court order helped me get access to her.

11 However, in February 2016, my ex-wife migrated to Australia and took our daughter with her without informing me. I found out through a VEVO check that she was ‘Onshore’. I rushed to Australia and lodged a case to trace my daughter. Found her after 7-1/2 months in but my ex-wife repeated the same allegations so I had to agree to supervised visits just to see her. Since then, I have progressed to unsupervised visits but the link between my daughter and me has been damaged.

All this while, the dowry case in India continued at a slow pace and between , I flew back to India six times just to attend court hearings where nothing much would happen. Each return trip costs on average $1100-$1200. Add legal costs and it drains you of any savings.

Even though the Indian court issued summons to my ex-wife to present evidence of my wrongdoing, she didn’t show up multiple times and this went on for two years.

On the other hand, I being the accused had to present myself in court, suffer the humiliation of being an accused, lost almost my entire savings due to frequent India trips, stayed in hostels for months as rental leases are for at least six months in Australia. That also meant I couldn’t get a stable job, and because I had to disclose that there were criminal proceedings pending against me in India in some job applications, was potentially automatically disqualified.

I’ve lost most of my savings, feel a sense of shame, humiliation and anger and frustration against a legal system that takes a woman’s statements at face value and treats men like perpetrators and systematically destroys you. Worst, there’s no helpline for men, no sympathetic ear and you are judged by one and all in society, including your boss, colleagues, sometimes relatives and even friends. Why? Because your wife made some false allegations against you.

I contemplated suicide several times but the thought of my daughter, the suffering of my old parents and my belief that justice will be served one day kept me going through this hardship.

I could go on and narrate numerous instances of my suffering and the repeated attempts by my wife to destroy me, but I will stop here and let you decide if justice should be a one-sided affair and if those women who lie are to be left unpunished which only emboldens them to repeatedly game the system.

12 Appendix 6

I am Sanoj. I agree for my first name to be published

It was an arranged marriage 5 years ago. I am a doctor earning a fairly good income. I met my ex wife online and after chatting a fair bit I decided to make a trip to India to see her. I never asked her salary or any financial details as I was well off and not had any debts. She told me that she was working in a 'small job' which later on I came to know was $50 a month in Indian rupees, I also knew at the time she didnt have much wealth but I agreed not for the money but for what I thought was compatibility and common interests.

After arriving in Australia things went pair shaped, initially she used the local services to hold me to a knife point and once our child came into the picture then using him as a 'pawn'

She even used dowry as an issue during our visits for court matters. I made a trip to India 2 years ago and feared for my life since I have heard a lot of stories about innocent men being held in prison and so on. I had to return to Australia immediately due to these threats using the Indian penal code from my ex and her family

I got depressed and started an antidepressant which I still take to this day. I have an elderly mother to look after who lives back in India and just by looking at her pictures from 5 years ago and now, it is very obvious how much stress she has taken because of me, her diabetes has worsened and so on.

All I can say is yes to help a few people, this law will sadly hurt a lot more than help so please stop, wait, think, consult before implementing anything

13 Appendix 7

CITY OF RESIDENCE Melbourne

VISA STATUS Permanent Resident. First Arrived in Australia in July 2009. (Also provide details of when you arrived in Aus)

DOWRY ISSUE I had an arrange marriage in My family lives in and my ex in-laws (Please tell us about your case family lived in . My ex-wife used in brief) to look down my parents and family from very beginning. We moved to Pune 2 weeks after marriage, where I was working in an IT multinational. Since my wife had continuous issues with my family though we were living 2000 kilometers away from them, we decided to relocate to Australia along with our baby boy in year . Ex-wife and her family were constantly trying to manipulate things and harassing me and my entire family. Ex- Wife filed a false domestic violence case in Australia against me in year and her father started false dowry case in India. Incidentally the ex-wife was chargesheeted here in the Domestic Violence case.

IS THE CASE STILL The dowry case is still ongoing in India. Though ONGOING? Allahabad high court has stayed any coercive action against me and my family since (Provide details even if the But the case is still pending. case is settled)

14

IS YOUR SPOUSE/EX- Yes. Being the person of very criminal mind, even SPOUSE CURRENTLY IN though my ex-wife first travelled to Australia AUS ? WHAT’S (on my dependent visa) when she was more HIS/HER VISA than 30 years old and belong to a rich and STATUS ? high status family in India, still she managed to receive a refugee visa (Onshore protection Visa).

WAS THERE ANY CASE IN Yes Dowry, Spousal maintenance etc. All the cases INDIA ? are stayed since

WAS YOUR FAMILY (here Yes, family is involved in cases in India. or in India) INVOLVED IN THE CASE ?

15 Appendix 8

Hi

I am XXXXX, living and working in Australia since . I am on 189 PR and hold Indian passport at the moment.

I met my wife on a community portal and ours is an arranged marriage which was cancelled due to me being Manglik. She was working in and had came to visit me in Australia in for 10 days and during that time she got pregnant. I trusted her fully when she shared her pregnancy news with me as well as had supported her while we were together in Australia for those ten days (as she was worried she might get pregnant) and we entered in this relationship willingly.

Owing to my moral responsibility for a child she was bearing (and since before marriage pregnancy is still a taboo in India) I asked her to marry as soon as possible but since her father was in jail on corruption charges she did not agree and would only marry me once he's out on bail. We got married in after her father got a bail to attend her marriage. She demanded a new iPhone and new jewellery from me which I could not afford immediately due to expensive wedding and even more expensive honeymoon she wanted. I had already given her a diamond ring worth more than A$3500 already as well as I even bought her clothes including under- garments next day she came to since she did not have sufficient clothes! I filed her partner visa in (I came back from India in second week of

I went to India on her insistence and to support her during our baby girl's delivery. Their family intentionally ignored/insulted my parents and ill-treated them as well as they fought with me while I was there to welcome our baby. Having no support from my own wife, I had to return to and told their ordeal with me to my parents. They too were in shock but thinking about the innocent little baby girl we had now, we still continued to ignore their irrational behaviour!

She came to my parental house in with our baby girl and started living their with my parents. She as well as the baby-girl were both extremely well taken care and were given every comfort which we could afford and sometimes out of our reach. From day one she came, she was after completing visa formalities. She would fight with my parents especially with my mother when she would be alone at home. My mother would not share her behaviour with anyone to protect the relationship. Soon after her visa formalities were complete she pulled a stunt and fought with my parents. My parents who were stunned, by her behaviour called up her father to calm her down - they came with a friend of his and took her with them on They stopped all sort of communication from that moment and would not answer to our calls/messages/social media messages. I smelled something foul but did not want to give up because of our baby-girl and I too tried contacting her many times for the visa formality (baby-girl's medical was pending). They still did not answer me and I was compelled to withdraw my sponsorship as I was being used merely as a visa- wagon. Only after withdrawal she contacted me just demanding the visa and nothing else. She then contacted visa agent we had hired as well as had appealed (without informing me) Australian immigration asking for visa stating "even if the relationship

16 had broken down but she is still legally wedded and deserves visa!". This is when I was 100% sure about me being only a "tool" to get the visa.

My mental condition was not right in Australia and I called my parents to live with me for some time to support me mentally as well as they were worried I might commit a suicide. My wife's family having known that we three are here, used a person to intimidate us over a phone call who would only threaten us with dire consequences if we did not comply with them. We still urged him to discuss directly with my wife and her family but we were told that their lawyer had asked them not to contact and they are ready to file cases if you still don't comply as a final warning. We still requested him that we should talk and resolve this peacefully rather than going to court but the filed the cases anyway ignoring our request completely!

Now we are facing harassment from corrupt Indian police who are wanting to extort a hefty bribe out of us. My wife used a lawyer who specialises in filing false rape charges and blackmailing innocent families to extort money. They together ran a false story along with my photograph on a local news channel as well as she sent the video link to all my relatives and friends to defame us. My parents who are senior citizens, are in deep shock and my mother is now facing an emotional breakdown after this media incident. We had to pay bribe to police as that is like a custom in India and they are calling my sister multiple times asking for more. My sister and her family too are in depression due to calls and ill-treatment from police and they are bribed well by my wife to harass us as much as possible.

If I go to India to defend myself, they will impound my passport and would extort money and in this case unconditional visa from me. I cannot visit my motherland as my livelihood and that of my senior-citizen parents rely upon my earning. I am based in Australia and this is my home now but now I am in a situation that I fear legal actions here as well and that could frame me using more false accusations. The corrupt police of India and gender-biased judiciary are always in favour of wife in such (false) cases, the lawyers fight for free (for wife) on a promised share from alimony by husband given to wife! The husband's absence is used against him to get faster unjust ex parte orders to claim extravagant maintenance. The cases are deliberately filed in remote locations from matrimonial home making senior-citizens' life miserable (to submit them into their demands). The wife and her lawyer intentionally remain absent on hearing to postpone cases even if husband wants to participate actively and defend himself. The provision of fast-trial is merely a gimmick that rarely works or gets a nod from High Court (since HC is heavily burdened too!) The lawyers working for husband charge him a fortune as he's considered a very rich NRI and most of the times he colluded with opposition lawyers to make more money by running cases for a long period. The women least worried about filing such cases as they go unpunished even after being found guilty of filing false charges and would still claim to be a victim with sob-stories.

There are many more issues (this is just a tip of an iceberg) which men and their family members face as they are thrown defenceless in front of gender-biased laws, merciless-corrupt Indian police and judiciary. The traumatised men are unable to concentrate on their career, have lost their jobs, are subject to media trials and social defamation, have lost their loved ones owing to stress/depression/suicide and they themselves have taken extreme steps at times which go unnoticed even by media as

17 reporting men's issues don't draw attention/TRPs!! The law which was bestowed upon women as a shield is a weapon of choice for extortion...

Appendix 9

2012: D migrated to Australia. At that time, I was separated from wife. I am the only son of my parents.

2014: I went back to India and met my wife, her Father and her relatives at a common place decided by both the parties. Since I was separated from my wife for more than two and half years and there was total breakdown of communication between us, I asked her for mutual divorce which she, her Father and relatives opposed and threatened me and my parents with dire consequences.

2015: Complaint against me and my parents filed at Women Cell on basis of written complaint with allegations of dowry seeking and harassment without any evidence and proofs. I attended the proceedings at Woman Cell for three months including counselling sessions as prescribed by the Woman Cell. After the counselling sessions failed as my wife had refused to go for mutual divorce, it was decided to lodge a FIR on me and my parents based on the same complaint by the police. I came back to Australia after attending Women Cell proceedings

2015: My parents applied for the bail in District Courts to protect themselves from being arrested as it is a norm by police to arrest (even after guidelines not to arrest by Supreme Court). Bail was rejected at Lower Court and it was again applied in Higher Court.

2016: Bail to my Mother was granted by High Court after more than a year in Court hearings. During court proceedings, I lost my Father, a Senior Citizen, after he suffered heart attack due to the ongoing mental stress. I could not go back India to attend my Father’s cremation due to PO/LOC declaration by the Court and also have not seen my Mother till date. The Court does not allow easily accused family members to visit overseas. I applied and was granted divorce from Family Court here which Indian Courts does not approve.

2017: The Case was registered in Court and more than one and half years have passed and nothing has happened other than hearing dates been going on. My Mother, a Senior Citizen, attends Court hearing by herself after travelling more than 140 kilometers to another city on one side. My Mother suffers from various health problems which Courts in India does not care about. After my Father’s death, I was all alone in Australia and went through a lot of mental stress and did cut off communication with almost all my relatives and friends. I went through a very difficult time and am still going through as not sure what would the outcome in the near future?

18 Appendix 10

Mens rights is also human rights. Liberals should stop equating them with being anti- women. Men are just asking for equality for fairness.

My brother got married to a Indian girl who was on student visa in Australia. It was an arranged marriage. At that time my brother was waiting for the response from immigration on the PR assessment.

We have demanded no dowry.

Girls stayed for 4 days after marriage with brother and my family.

On those 4 days, There was a reception after marriage and and we went for dinner at few relatives place. And then she went back to her parents place and stayed there for few days and 8th day after marriage she went to Australia.

During her 2nd day of marriage she asked for 75000 Rs from my brother and parents for expenses.

My parents gave her the money but was under stress from the demand.

After she reached Australia, my father got cancer and after 9 months of marriage my brother joined her in Australia as a dependent visa on her.

On the same day he was been asked for the rent and the money he brought from India. She wasn’t happy and demanded more money from my parents through my brother. We have bank statement as a proof on the same.

She started threatening my brother on every matter. Abused my brother. Because we refused to give the demanded money, Torture went on for days and she called police and at the same time my brother also called and as per the reports from police there was no violence reported and Police separated them on the girls request.

There were 5 roommates on student visa all did the same demanded money and filed fake dowry cases.

My brother’s wife got married twice and demanded money from 2nd husband too and got PR on his behalf.

Her sister also got married and later on demanded the money from boy and they ended up with 3 divorces in one family.

She stayed for 4 days after marriage but took 10 years for court to acquit my parents and now they have filed appeal in session court. India is corrupt country and lawyers are doing business by encouraging women to file cases. It’s a big money business on the name of women and to get the vote bank for election

Because of the broken relationship and the abuse he suffered.

19 My brother is suffering from severe depression because Letters has been sent to his college that he demanded dowry, impotent and married for PR etc

He heard all that from his colleagues where he used to work. They send letters to my dads bank and my Mother’s school.

My dad was a bank manager and mother was principal. Harassment was on going. They bribe police and sent them at 5 am to arrest my parents. It’s been 10 years my parents didn’t miss any court date and traveled 300 kms every time. Now lower court has acquitted them but appeal has been filed in session court for the ongoing torture.

I myself is suffering from panic attacks. These girls have spoiled many life’s and families. Every morning I pray to God for my brothers life. He is not in Australia.

And situation for my Mother who give support to son who always had suicide thoughts in his brain and husband who is cancer patients and fighting this battle from last 10 years. 4 days of marriage and 10 years battle in court which is not ended yet.

The only end is to fulfil their demands by giving huge amount of money.

I have the girls name who did all this and many evidences.

Yours sincerely

Name Withheld

Appendix 11

Dear Members of Senate Committee,

I take this opportunity to address my views on the dowry laws yet to be introduced in Australia. I would humbly request the lawmakers to take into account the potential misuse of the law taking examples of false and misleading cases filed in Indian high courts which are in excess of 30 million cases a year aimed at extorting money from the husbands just because the laws are made to protect women only. Almost every divorce case in India ends up in allegations of dowry against the husbands which are then settled outside the court by extorting money from the husbands.

I am myself a victim of abuse of misuse of dowry laws in India where the whole legal system is a sham that includes corrupt police officers and a lengthy legal battle and the legal system aimed at extorting money from the NRI (Non Resident Indian) husbands. The legal gangs of India are extorting money by filing false FIR complaints against husbands where a woman can make any false complaint without evidence, without the fear of getting caught and without fear any legal punishment on discovery of false complaints and thus making misuse of laws made to protect innocent people.

20 If there are laws to punish whoever misuse of the law then all the false cases would disappear in overnight. This would create a fairer legal system for everyone.

I am in favour of a GENDER NEUTRAL law where both men and women are respected and supported by laws equally and no one should dare to make false complaints because the law is made lenient towards a particular gender and harsher against the other gender. Giving and receiving dowry is a crime in India and yet why does those so called dowry givers not getting any punishments. On breakdown of marriage in an Indian family, the bride’s parents demand millions from the groom side as they believe after divorce the girl’s life is destroyed and as an act of revenge a false dowry case is filed to extort money unlawfully and also to teach a lesson to the groom’s family.

In my case a false dowry case was filed by my ex-wife and her family in India after we got separated in Australia. All the false allegations made in Australia were investigated by Victoria Police and were baseless and I was issued with No further Action statement by Victoria Police. Her parents in India after separation told us that her life is spoiled and they would teach us a lesson. The lesson they have taught us was in form of false dowry case filed against me and my mother. I am my mother are well settled Australian Citizen and I am working as an Engineer and with grace of God I am blessed with a good career and we have never even thought of asking anything in the marriage instead we spent everything including air tickets for her from our side. After separation a false story was fabricated in India and an FIR complaint was filed against us with the help of corrupt police in India.

Now the police has issued arrest notice against us in an attempt to settle the complaint in form of compromise by paying her the money. We had filed our petition in high court in India but there are so many cases that they have not even opened our file in last 3 years and there is no hearing in the court as we are not physically present in India to defend ourselves. We cannot even visit India as the arrest notices are issued against us. We have been sending evidences in emails to the investigating officer but they would not even look at our evidences. High court of India does not have time to open our file as well. JUSTICE DELAYED IS JUSTICE DENIED. We have lost all hopes of justice from Indian legal system and now they want to spread this disease in Australia as well. We have been suggested by our lawyer in India to settle the case by paying them money. We have been suggested to send money by Western Union to settle the case. This is what we call misuse of law to extort money unlawfully.

Many of the false family violence cases in Australia are filed to get the permanent residency visa of Australia by the Indian brides who believe it is an easier method by making a false complaint against men by making use of gender biased legal system. On discovery of false complaints harsher punishment should be a must to have a fairer legal system for everyone.

21

There are no statistical data available in Australia to make a law. I would therefore request lawmakers in Australia to avoid making laws aiming against men in particular by considering them all dowry seekers by default. I would rather suggest the lawmakers to make laws against making false complaints by any gender that should result in harsher punishments.

Appendix 12

This is my story.

I am an Australian citizen been living here since . I worked for In , I got married in India. It was an arrange marriage. It was a big scam and I had no idea what was to come later on. After marriage, I financed and organised my wife's spouse visa and tickets. I also shared expenses of the wedding. Wife arrived in Australia. While living together we realised we were not compatible. I went through lot of verbal and emotional abuse from her. Threats of suicide and threats to kill me. I took her for marriage counselling but nothing was helpful. My job was also suffering due to stresses in personal life. When my wife realised that marriage will dissolve and that in Australia Divorce is easily obtainable. She conspired with her father and her uncle who is in the Indian police and falsely implicated me and my parents in dowry case. Threats were constantly made to my elderly parents. My father suffering from Parkinson disease and my mother full time carer for him were unable to defend themselves against corrupt system. My wife had them arrested in India by using her contacts in the police. we are fighting the false dowry case in India. My wife has got Australian citizenship based on the marriage and is living happily here. She has a secure government job. Her family travels here regularly. But for the last 2 years they have not appeared in the court and delaying the process. They openly demand extortion money sometimes as high as 200k, otherwise threaten us with more false cases of domestic violence. It's been 4 years I haven't been to India due to fear of being arrested and then harassed for money.

Parents are living a very lonely life in India with no support and constant fear of the false case. We have not taken a single penny in dowry. This false dowry case has costed me my career and a big toll on my emotional health.

If required I am happy to discuss details of my case with the right people.

22 Appendix 13

The 498A Law (Indian Penal Code 1983), was introduced to prevent dowry deaths and harassment of brides in their matrimonial homes. "The fact that Section 498A is a cognizable and non-bailable offence has lent it a dubious place of pride amongst the provisions that are used as weapons rather than shield by disgruntled wives.” The simplest way to harass is to get the husband and his relatives arrested under this provision. In a quite number of cases, bed-ridden grandfathers and grandmothers of the husbands, their sisters living abroad for decades are arrested.

My entire Family was victimized when my daughter in law (who had married my son three months ago) lodged a complaint against my son and our entire Family. My ninety-year-old Aunt, living in India was also not spared. My son got married in India and my daughter in law came on a tourist visa which expired after 3 months. She had to go back to India as per the Visa requirements. Whilst she was here, she attended many social functions and had many interstate trips as well (all evidence in form of photographs).

When she was back in India she put a 498A against all of us alleging that we had demanded dowry and had also mistreated her whilst she was here in Australia. Indian Police harassed my ninety-year-old Aunt in India, who had nothing to do with the allegations.

I had to take my son several times for counselling in the fear that he would suffer depression and it would affect his mental health. My husband and I have been going through severe anxiety symptoms and loosing sleep because of false allegations and harassment. We have almost lost interest in social activities and confine ourselves between the four walls of our house! I and my husband are Senior Citizens of Australia who are suffering mentally because of a grave mistake we made….married our son to an Indian girl in INDIA.

Name withheld

Appendix 14

Name: Anonymous please

My Story: I am a health professional who has held Senior Management and Executive roles professionally.

I came to Australia in for studies. I worked really hard and completed my studies and got a really good job. Build a house in 2011. My Father had served in the Army and had served the country in various warzones. I have two sisters who are well educated and settled. In , I got engaged and got married in to this girl whose parents had approached us. The girl was a doctor by profession. It was an arranged marriage and I was very happy about it. I came back to Australia and sponsored the girl by spending all the money myself as I thought it was my responsibility. The girl came here and sat for her medical exams multiple time but failed. Gradually she got frustrated and started asking me to reallocate to India so that she can continue her

23 profession as a doctor. I reiterated multiple times that she should continue to try and eventually will succeed here. Then she started demanding that I sponsor her family to come over here, to which I refused. Her behavior changed and she became aggressive and irritable and stopped talking to me.

The whole situation started affecting my mental state . My parents who had never expected anything like this became depressed after hearing all this. I spoke to her family about all this but they said that I should do whatever makes their daughter happy.

One day she asked me to book a ticket for India saying that the visit to India may help her. I booked the ticket. She went to India but never met my parents and any of my other family. This happened in September 2011. After couple of weeks she called me and threatened me with dire consequences If I did not reallocate to India. I refused. She called me three times more with threats and then stopped engaging with me. I went to my sister’s wedding in and passed on the message to her family that I am here and willing to sit down with them to sort out everything. Instead of agreeing to this, they sent police to my home to arrest me. Luckily I wasn’t home but they arrested my 65 years old father and took him to , 400 kms from my residence in . My father who is a cardiac patient was taken in a jeep without any opportunity to take his medications or anything. All this happened two days before my sister’s wedding. I called Australian High Commission in Delhi and they advised they will not be able to help me and the best option at the time was to leave the country. I left the country and I and my father were not able to attend my sister’s wedding. My family and relatives suffered through this massive trauma whilst the girl and her family laughed outside the court.

The long legal battle started and during this on multiple occasions they asked for 3 million rupees to settle the case. We refused this as we had not done anything wrong and did not wanted to pay to fulfill their greed.

During this long period I considered committing suicide on multiple occasions. My father and mother were never the same. Constant court hearings, 900kms journey for a 65+ man, summer or winters, when they did not even attend, massive legal bills took its tolls on the whole family including my sisters. I was not able to see any of my family for four years, this is despite of the fact that I was cleared of any wrong doing by the investigating officer. After getting the all clear, finally I went to India but was detained at the airport for six hours until I was able to provide confirmation about my innocence. Again during this time my family suffered.

The scars of all this still chase me. I suffer nightmares and am unable to sleep most nights. I am fearful of the legal systems and very skeptical of anyone marrying in India to an Indian girl. My parents still live in constant fear due to no fault of their own. I understand that there have been some legit stories about the dowry and 498 but even the honorable Supreme Court has concluded that about 99 percent cases come up as a way of extorting money. This has been certainly the case with me and me and my family (which includes women) are still suffering due to the misuse of this horrendous law. I really cannot understand how an educated country like Australia on the basis of single perspective, looking at introducing a law like this. It is not only

24 discriminatory towards a community but the facts about Dowry and the Dowry practice do not stack up.

Appendix 15

I am writing to voice my concern about the proposition of the Dowry Law in Australia and sincerely hope that the Senate take into consideration the male victims of misuse of Dowry Law in India and with Indian men residing in Australia. I got married in India in through an arranged marriage. Contrary to the common misconception in Australia, most arrange marriages often start from matrimonial ads or through a suggestion from an acquaintance or relative and it does not happen by force or coercion. As a common practice, we dated for a couple of months before the engagement. The wedding took place in her hometown in 2013. It was a modest wedding. There was no demand for dowry from my family and no exchange of dowry whatsoever. I provided the funds for the wedding dress and gifted her diamond wedding ring and other jewellery. Prior to the marriage, my ex-wife had told me she worked in an accounting firm. However, on the day of the wedding, she told she had to quit the job and because her company would not give her a day off for the wedding. I accepted that despite the fact it seemed unusual excuse. A week after the wedding she told me her father had a lot of debt. This is something she or her family had never disclosed prior to marriage. Moreover, she expected me to pay her father’s debts. I had no intention or obligation or capacity to pay her father’s debts. Despite my efforts to build a loving relationship, she acted distant throughout the marriage. However, gradually her behaviour started becoming odd and passive aggressive despite the fact that my family and I treated her with care and support. She was always secretive and distant. She would always privately converse on the phone with her mother or contacts unknown to me. She would constantly hide things and would lie compulsively. My family decided to have an intervention in light of her distant and cold behaviour in presence of her parents and uncle and aunt as we wanted her to be part of our family and happily be one with us. She apologised in the intervention however things got worse afterwards. She started to display angry behaviour. One day she intentionally tried to food poison my sister and brother-in-law. Her act was caught and it shook my family. Days later, she started repeatedly watching movies related to death. One day she put a gecko lizard in the blender in front of me. It was very traumatising to witness it. Later, after my return from a business trip, I found out she had abused my dog and not fed my dog any food. The marriage was toxic for me and all my attempts to create normalcy had failed. I took her to marriage counselling with me. However, the sessions were not fruitful as she did not heed the advice of the marriage counsellor.

In , one day her father came to visit us and requested to take her to her hometown for the Diwali festival for four days. I was hesitant to let her go and I wanted her to celebrate Diwali festival with us. However, she assured me she will come back in four days. After she left, I discovered all of her belongings were gone. She did not leave a single thing behind. Some of my documents were gone. I tried to contact her but she was not reachable for a month. My mother and I were very upset and in tears. A month later, she contacted us and called us for a meeting at her Aunt’s house. When we arrived at the meeting, we were not expecting thirty of her relatives waiting there for us. Her parents started verbally abusing and my mother and my aunt

25 who had accompanied us. She joined in and started verbally abusing me and my mother. She started making false accusations on me of domestic abuse and mental abuse and demanded that I pay her 1.5 million Australian dollars right away or else she will put IPC 498a and domestic violence case on me. She added many more obscene insults at me and my mother. I was deeply humiliated and hurt and in complete shock. Her male relatives were charged to physically abuse me. The whole incident was extremely traumatic for me and having unfounded aspersions publicly cast me was unbearable.

From there onwards, she never returned home and stayed in her hometown with her parents. I did not have the money to fulfil what was essentially an huge extortion by her. She kept threatening me and my family and submitted a written complaint against me anyways. I considered committing suicide as that seemed to be the only way out as the corrupt police officials started harassing my family and my own lawyers were two-faced and found to be working on a pro-bono basis for my ex-wife. They had also implicated my parents and my sister, despite the fact that the dates my ex-wife claimed by sister pushed her is actually when my sister was not even in the country and has tickets to prove it. The misuse of domestic violence and dowry law in India has become the tool for extortion at the expense of men’s well being and life. Out of concern for my life, my friend sent me to a psychologist and I spent the next two years in fear and battling depression. I also felt shame and guilt for having put my family through this ordeal and collateral damage. Finally, all complaints against me were withdrawn and I was granted a divorce. However, the experience has mentally and emotionally scarred me for life. I now suffer from a post-traumatic stress disorder and it has robbed me of my sense of wellbeing and safety and any trust in relationships. I was on the brink of suicide and on suicide watch in Australia. To this day I am taking psychological counselling as the false accusation and my time and money lost to this legal battle to prove my innocence cost me my job and has me in financial despair. Years of my life have been taken away from my career and my family.

I sincerely request the Senate to be wary of importing overseas laws that have proven to be a disaster in the democratic republic of India. The Supreme Court of India has deemed the dowry law as “most misused law” and “legal terrorism”. There will be no recourse for Indian men and men of all ethnicities if justice and sensible laws are denied in Australia to all men, including Indians. Moreover, my case shows that the women in my family were equally the victims of this misuse and they did not deserve the stress and trauma as a collateral damage. Mothers and sisters and daughters also suffer through laws do more harm than good. Like many contemporary Indians, I do not support the practice of dowry as it is not only illegal but also unethical and immoral. However, I oppose the Senate’s proposition for any separate Dowry Abuse Laws in Australia when the current Domestic Violence and Apprehended Violence Order suffice. I hope the Senate refrains from adopting laws that contribute to extortion of innocent and men and women related to them.

26 Appendix 16

Hello

Its really hard to start writing something which has happened to me and many others but this survey gave this chance to put my story on the table which I never thought could happen. you will find the similar stories from a lot of other men and families.

I came to Australia about 12 years ago. I struggled as everyone does to say Australia my home and got success in it. we are two siblings, my elder sister is married. she struggled with her husband as well to achieve their life goals. All parents want to get their children married and start a new life. My desire was also the same as everyone else to get a supportive wife, who cares me, support me and stand by me in my ups and downs in life.

I got married in India in . My parents spent thousands for my marriage as they thought this would be last marriage they going to join in their life as they were 65 plus already. my family was very happy and didn't demand anything from the girl side and they didn't give anything either. it was very simple marriage.

Before I come to Australia after marriage, we filed my wife's application for PR in . I came back. My wife stayed with my parents and at her parents most the time waiting for the application to get processed. My parents never forced to her for to live with them, She spent more time at her parents and was very happy. Whenever she wanted to go for her shopping, beauty services, hair appointments, my parents always gave money her and my mother always went with her for the company. She was very happy at that time. After two months She forced me and my parent to arrange visitor visa for her, we agreed and I arranged it for her. Again my parents from India support her with shopping, clothes, tickets etc.While on visitor visa we were together, she fall pregnant. After 3months she had to go back. After one month I went back to India to stay with her during Pregnancy. After a month she said she will be fine and my mother was taking her to the doctors for check up regularly. She never did any house work at my parents house, no nothing. My mother always was like a servant for her. She always asked my old mother to cook for her, clean and wash her clothes.

In she arrived in Australia again and My mother came near the delivery time. Me and my mother did all the work and helped with baby. My mother stayed for 3 months and went back as per visa conditions. My wife couldn't handle the baby and asked my mother to come back. My parents spent all their money in tickets for her and themselves plus shopping.As I work on ABN and didn't have any parent leave or anything so I had to go for work. I received two weeks paid from centre link which I stayed with her.

After four months of delivery, I suggested her to think for the career, and asked my wife if she would like to continue her study. She did law from India so we sent her certificates to the accessing authority for assessment. After which she has to do nearly 22subjects to get equivalent study as per Australian standards.She refused to do that. I was fine, and asked she would like to do something else. My wife's sister told her to do Childcare course. She started that and my mother's stay was going to be over, so

27 my mother had to leave and My wife stated that she wouldn't be able to handle the baby and study. so my mother took the baby with her and decided to bring the baby back as soon as My wife finishes the study. My wife finished her course, my friends wives helped her with her assignments as well.

After completing the course she didn't try to get the job or asked to bring the baby back.

Back home my father diagnosed with liver damage and been in hospitals for days and days. My mother was taking care of my father and my baby. My wife never supported me during the hard times on us. After 6 months when my father was still on treatment for the rest of his life but could travel to Australia, My father thought that he wouldn't be able to see us or spend some time with us anymore when he was in the hospital. after a bit of recovery he wanted to live with us. they bought the baby back.

I always found opportunities for my wife to start her career but she never interested and always blamed that Australia is racist country thats she wasn't getting job in child care. I personally know a lot of my friend's wives working in the same field. Her demands were higher and higher, moreover her sister who was divorcee start coming to our house on regular basis and ask me to fulfil the unnecessary demands and always tried to threat me. At that time I thought it would be Ok once she get married again. It was hard for me to pay everything in Australia and my wife never supported me. She never helped me even with groceries. I helped her to teach driving and booked her leaners twice which she never took seriously and both times didn't pass. she never thought of wasting money and time. But she started driving car on her Indian licence with baby which was expired. I warned her many times not to take the car like that, she never listens. Because of that she wasn't covered with insurance either. once she had accident and I had to pay the whole amount. we start having arguments because of her negligence and not responsible at all and the way she was treating me and playing with law.

My wife and her sister always pressurised me. All these things were putting me down. It was nearly two years now when she start pushing me to apply for her PR, and her sister wanted to writer the wording according to her which I refused. Her sister wanted to me writer down a stat dec mentioning I have been rude to my wife, not supported and also she wanted to writer down that I have conducted domestic violence which I never did, so I refused to write that. But start the application process for her PR.

Upon this my wife called her father from India and left the house with him saying that she wanted to stay with her father and sister for couples of days. She lied to me. She went to Centrelink and update the status that she was separated from me and stop receiving my calls. I tried many times and then visited the house where they were living, her father didn't let me see my wife or my child. I was very surprised about their behaviour. I didn't know what to do. She demanded things from me and asked me transfer all my property in India and my parents property under name otherwise she will charge me for not applying my PR. She went to immigration. Immigration refused her request to give her PR directly without my consent and then she called me to pick her up from her sister's place. in few months she got her PR and everything bad start happening to me again.

28

My wife always stayed on phone with my sister in law. My father was in the hospital few times during this period and wanted to go to see them but my wife never let me.

In she found that she was pregnant and terminate the baby without even telling me. On that day, I came from work and no one was in the house, I thought she must be at her sister's. shortly I saw her walking very slowly and asked if she was ok, she mentioned that she had termination, her sister was with her. I was shocked and stressed. My wife mentioned that she never wanted the first baby but she couldn't do anything thing at that time because she wasn't permanent in Australia, but its good now at least now she can have money from Centrelink and me with our working forever. this was very shocking for all of my family. Her sister mentioned that she got divorce as well because she didn't want to work while living with her husband.

I spoke to her that he can't live this miserable life and request her to behave herself and take the marriage seriously. After one week, when she get recovered, she called her father from India again and left the house. I wasn't even in the house when my wife's father and sister were came. They called the police and blamed that I betted her and conducted domestic violence. she got intervention orders on me.

I hired a lawyer which cost me nearly $25000 and at the end, she couldn't proof anything and left the case in between. but I went under $25000 plus get harassed.

She didn't let me see my child for months, after months when court found that she is ignoring by mean, court orders to make arrangements for me to visit my child. court appointed my sister as a supervisor to bring my child from her to me and take her back. After a year separation I filed the divorce papers which she refused to accept and gave such a hard time at every moment.

After all this happened, my father in law lodged complaint against my parents and sister that we asked for dowry which was a clear lie and never ever mentioned before, He tried to pressurise the station uncharge from SP and SSP to do FIR on us. Station incharge called my parents to the station and ask questions. my parents showed them all the expenses paid by them, she did investigation from local people, friends and relatives and found that My father in law was lying. He said to my parents to ask me to stop visiting the child and wanted me to tell the court that I don't want to see my child anymore, which I refused. My father in law in India also mentioned that My sister should stop supervising my child to see me otherwise he will do something else as well. My sister refused his statement as well and continued with supervising. My sister has been harassed and threaten many times regarding this. My sister spoke to the children lawyer and he issued the warning letter to my wife.

I would say people who get separated like this after getting Residency should be sent back or should not be eligible for the payments. they should work. Women are misusing the laws very easily. this matter is very very sensitive and need to investigate very closely before making any decisions. More than 80% women just misusing the law that is for sure. don't just listen them, they can say anything.

29 Appendix 17

I came to Melbourne in I get married with my ex –wife on . I met her online and we talked over the phone for about 6 months. Then we decided to get married and through out of our marriage my wife and her parents were asking me money for sake of family debts and her mother treatment and said they will give me back but they didn’t give me any single cent. I have lent over $40000 to her parents. We had always arguments whenever they asked money but to save our relationship I was lending them but our relationship never get better. Then we got chance to go India after five years then I thought this is the time to sit with her parents and solve the marital issues then I told my parents about our problems and my parents invited her parents to our home to chat what’s going on but her parents never came even after three phone calls. They were avoiding the meeting so the day had come to go back to Melbourne and I postponed my wife and my son ticket for three months because the issue remain the same there were no solution I guess they were already prepared their mind that’s why they never tried to save our relationship. I asked my wife to stay with her family for three months Because her mother got paralysed so she can live with them and spent some time so that might be her mood can change in a positive way But she was very angry and abusive she said to me give me my passport because she got her citizenship in . I said you can have your passports so I asked her to come to public place because I knew she can be very abusive and dangerous so when she met me there we had some arguments but later she turned in to monster and she punched me and grabbed me from my collar in public place. I was very scared and I left that place asap.

And decided to flew back asap to Melbourne. And when I landed to Melbourne I straight went to police station because she said to me I will kill you and I am after you but I explained my story to police constable she said I need to go to sunshine magistrate court to apply intervention order against her then I went to sunshine magistrate court and they said me to book an appointment which I did and on the appointment day when I told my concern to registrar she said she cant issue intervention order if my wife is not in Australia but I said to her she can come any day she said once she come then come to us i will issue you intervention order then I asked what if she come during the night should I open the door she said if you feel she is not harming you then come to us next morning otherwise call the police.

She came to Melbourne on and I was at my cousin’s house she came with our family friend from airport. When they found out I am not at my house our family friend call me and asked where are you your wife is at your home are but we don’t have key so they come to my cousin’s house to collect the keys. Then I opened door and I asked our family friend I can only let her in the house if she promise not to get aggressive and violent and will stay in different room. She agreed in front of them then I took my son to my place and they followed me Finally we reached our home and I asked again same thing just to make sure then we entered home about 1:00 am she was in one room and I was in other room and my son followed me and he slept with me after playing with me.

Next morning I wake up around 12 pm and was getting ready to go to work. Then she got wake up so I decided to leave the home ASAP to avoid any fight or arguments. I asked her do you need anything from supermarket so I can bring in afternoon. but she

30 replied rudely and said this is your son as well so you should know what he needs. I said ok I know I will bring then I left home around 1:00 pm

Then I got a call from police station and was advised to meet them regarding the fight which she claimed. I was shocked FIGHT how come there is nothing happened but he said you have to come and see us. I went there about 9 pm and I was treated like a criminal and was told you cannot live in the same house so they had given me only 15 mins to collect my stuff and asked me to leave my house .that movement was horrible for me .i was shocked and wondering what happened to me without doing anything and system (police) listen HER without any evidence. Since then I am out of my home unemployed, stressed angry against system. Please help me and I need my answers how can police had this done to me because a woman called them and said her husband beaten her. This is never happened. And not proved but I am suffering since then without any fault. I think my fault is my gender.

I was the actual victim but she has listened because her gender is female.

Appendix 18

My name is Renee [surname withheld] and I am writing on behalf of my partner, John [surname withheld]. We need your help with a family matter in India. My partner John is Indian and he is an Australian citizen. Back in he went for a holiday to visit his family in India and while over there was forced to get married (an arranged marriage) to a Indian girl. He only spoke to her 5 minutes before the marriage went ahead. The person who set this marriage up was a neighbour of his family in India.

John and I fell in love at our workplace in the and we now are living together in the and would like to start our life together but we cannot because of his marriage with his wife in India. When they first got married they talked about the fact that he lives in Australia and about the life style is very different here than in India and that she would need to learn how to speak English and the need to find work here in Australia. She was not interested in coming here at all at first as she told him this in conservation. She lived with John’s family in India for a little while but she became very demanding about money, she said her husband lives in Australia and he had money so I want a luxury life. She did not help out with the house work while living with his family and was complaining about the food and other things. She then moved out of john family home and returned to live with her family.

Back in April John received a phone call from his brother in India and he said that John’s wife had made some serious allegations towards his family. She said that He is demanding Money from her and a car and air conditioner and that his family had threatened to pour acid on her and burn her. These accusations are not true but she went to the India police and her family have paid the police to harass Johns family and they said that John has a week to compromise otherwise all family will be thrown in India jail. His mum and dad are both in their 60’s and his brother is 26. She is now threatening John that she will drag him from Australia and put him in jail in India. John’s family are living in fear and also in danger. John’s family are very poor and they can’t afford to pay police to get them out of this. Now she has said to John that she wants to come to Australia and is waiting for her visa but John does not want this

31 relationship as he told to Immigration to hold her visa and now the girls family are pressuring him to tell immigration to give her a visa. Otherwise John and his family will be in serious trouble. Her family has also tapped his phone and is recording all of his conservations with her and her family.

In September she was granted an Australian visa and her father asked John to write down to confirm that while his wife was in Australia that John was responsible for her if anything was to happen. As the result of that John withdrew his sponsorship for his wife and his wifes family went to the police station to harass his mum and dad. The police (corruption) were paid to lodge a false compliant against his family. Johns brother has not been living in the family home as he now lives in fear of what is happening.

John has had legal advice about divorcing her and the lawyer has said he can do it as from the time he withdrew his sponsorship it was legally over, so until then her and her family can still harass and pay police in India to make their life hard which is very wrong. John would like his family (mother, father and brother) living with him here in Australia as he does not want them living in fear anymore.

Is there any way you can help John to get out of this marriage without it affecting Johns family in India and to put them in any more danger.

John does not want to be with her and regrets marrying her and he wants to divorce her but the laws are very different over there and we need your help for some guidance and information in regards to this matter so that he can live a happy and stress free life here in Australia. And now family had false dowry case in India and they go to court every month and I can’t go to india as Indian court declare me proclamation offender and I have not been to India last 5 years girls party harass my family and me and I am still living in stress in Australia and can’t see my family. This is my story.

Appendix 19

I live in and working as a manager in investment company from past year. I finish my study as a masters in professional accounting (M.P.A) and postgraduate in Advance Business. Currently in doing may C.P.A as well to continue my carrier.

I was married in in India and that time and my wife come on spouse visa in . I paid all her visa travelling and medical expenses. after arriving at my rented property she demand for new phone, T.V, car and money. As I have sufficient finance I fulfilled hew wish. Her demand was raising when she ask me to support her father and give them $20,000. If I do not do it then she want to go back to India and take me with her as I can support her family.i deny it and she make lot of drama and treats. Threatening me to do suicide so at last I bought air ticket for her which cost me 1250$. I try to stop her to taking harsh decision which lead to spoil things more. I drop her to airport. As she reach India my father receive her on airport and ask her for what reason she come back. She do not tell single word and go with her parents to her house. After one month my parents ask her again but her father

32 insult my parents and threat them to do police case and fake complain. My parents tell me about all this insult and asking me for what to do. Even I don`t have any idea what to do with this condition I tell them to give some time to them for think about all this drama.There is no communication one year after all this happen. After one year one of my wife`s uncle who is retire judge, call my father for meeting for discuss this issue and resolve it. As my father is positive about it, my parents go in meeting. In meeting there are five relatives of her side demanding 10,00,000 Rs for filing divorce and push my parents to accept or they will harm my parents. As in condition my father is not accepting it and leave meeting. After 2 weeks my father got call from Women police station to presenting their self for explanation of complain file by my wife which is actually done by her father to extort money with false allegations. Allegation are demanding money, mental and physical abuse. My parents never do any such thing so they do not accept it and in police station her father ask for 15,00,000 Rs for not filing complain. As my father attend law college he refuse to give any money and choose to go to court. As my wife`s father talk with police office for decision, He again threading to cancel my passport and bring me to India and chop off my head in front of my father and police officer. As things going worse police officer ask questions to my father and file first incidence report after near by 2 years time. My parents move to high court and ask for step a side fake complain against them. Still I got threat for death. I apply residency and I am on bridging visa. So, there are lot of uncertainty about law about what to happen as my wife run away with her own decision and file case in India. Now expect money for ruin my life.

1) Financial fraud done with me as I bare more then 25,000$ for expenses and future demand of another 30,000$ for killing my dignity and integrity 2) Physiological breakdown 3) Systematic crime for money extortion by banding law 4) Mental torture for killing me and my parents 5) Carrier effect by putting red corner notice and surrender my passport 6) Harm on social reputation form family 7) My parents got continuous threats of harm and killing last 2 years. Even I can`t visit India for take care of my parents and there is criminal case on my parents so they are not able to come and see me in Australia. There are many more abuses done to me by using fake complains and not even a single ground to prove that complain in true. There is no gender equality in law at all. I wish government should take some hard action to file fake complains.

Appendix 20

Dowry issue: Me & my parents are facing a fake dowry and fake Domestic violence case in India case are under trial

After wedding my wife started harassing my family in my absences, my friend’s father was hospitalized and I was helping him and was usually absent from home during daytime. First few days my family tried to hide it from me to spare me from any stress. I came to know about it when I stayed home one day during daytime and she started abusing my family in front me. It was shocking for me because I was unable to see the reason behind her behaviour. So I tried to talk to her and she started abusing me as well and threatened me with dare consequence if all her demand are

33 not met. My family also tried to talk to her many times but she always accused them for misunderstanding her. She was abusing my family without any reason so I had to involve her family to talk to her. On , her uncle and aunty came to our house tried to talk to her, even in front of them she started insulting my family and went with them to their home.

After all this her family and relatives organized a meeting at my home on During the meeting after lot of argument it was clear that was the one at fault of her inappropriate behaviour So her relatives told her to apologies which she did after lot of argument between her and her family. After the meeting she stayed with us.

I was coming back to Australia on and I was worried about the well being of my family as my mother was sick due to the stress caused by her inappropriate behavior. As I was afraid of her inappropriate behavior or actions regarding my family and me, so I started to compile evidences against her for coming problems in future in case. I recorded a conversation between my wife and me which my family have already submitted in police station during investigation In this conversation she clearly confessed that we never demand any cash or dowry from her & her family. In this recording she also confessed she has never faced any physical or mental harassment from me & my family during her stay at my home.

On , Lohri function was held at my home and on her brother came to my home and she again abused my family in front of him and left with him to her hometown. After that she started calling me and harassing to bring her younger brother to Australia. I tried to explain it her that I cannot do anything about it as his brother need to fulfill all the requirements of immigration and I can only guide him. That time I get the reasons of her inappropriate behaviour because my wife & her family members want to settle in Australia.

When I clearly said that I can’t help her brother she filled a complain against my family and me in Batala Women Cell and keep threatening me over the phone. As this matter was out of my hand and I was under so much stress . My wife & her family members tortured me & my family members in all manners. I am unable to tolerate her behaviour & her tortured activities specially when they target my parents & family members on I commit a suicide attempt in Australia but my friend save me when they get my suicide message on phone they admit me in Dandenong hospital.

I have all kind of evidence, RTI copy’s which prove that’s a fake dowry case and she misuse the law but in India law is gender based no one listens men side & his family members. Day by day I am losing hope in law system of India.

Now my wife & her family members are demanding 25 lakhs for settle the case out of the court and keep threatening my family members by submitting fake complaints in her home town

Case is still going on 498a case & DV case are under trial in session court

34 My parents submit a quashing case which are pending in

She never visit Australia she living in

My father mother & myself are facing all this fake cases since

35

36

37 Appendix 22

Hi,

I have changed names for anonymity. My name is Gaurav and I got married to Mansi in India in 2014. I am a software engineer and a permanent resident in Australia. Mansi was working as a child care worker in New Zealand. Our marriage was fixed through a marriage broker in North India. Soon after marriage, Mansi started fighting with me on frivolous issues. We had just arrived to Australia and borrowed my Aunt's car and gone to the mall together. I requested Mansi to hurry up so that we can pick my Aunt back from her work in the evening. She rudely told me to hell with your relatives. I mildly scolded her in the car and on returning to home, she started yelling at me. She called her parents and brothers in India and told them that I scolded her. They started yelling at me in bad words. As if this was not enough shock for me. They called the emergency police number in Australia and made false complaints that I was beating Mansi. Luckily, when police came to our house they could not find any evidence of injury on her and left the home.

Later, Mansi fainted all of a sudden. I took her to hospital in emergency. There she told the doctor that she had a paralytic attack history and used to take steroids for it. This was never disclosed to me before marriage. Then we reached New Zealand as she didn't want to leave her job although I could make more than her as software engineer. She made me spend all my savings in furnishing a new home for her. After all expenses were made, an New Zealand man started visiting the house and she used to hug him and call him a friend in front of me. Later, she told me that she used to live alone with him before marriage and they loved each other. But, her parents didn't approve of their marriage. Since, she was not ready to part with him, we finally split in Australia on her own insistence.

Later, in India her family filled fake 498A cases on me and my family and started demanding huge money in pretext of dowry that we never took of them. They blackmailed us that otherwise, they would harrass us in legal cases. My father dies shortly after due to heart attack as he could not tolerate social disgrace. I paid her $52,000 to get her to divorce me. This was reverse dowry...

I wish Australian laws are gender neutral and don't give Indian origin women in Australia to harrass and blackmail Indian men in Australia like they do in India. The laws should not allow for any such gender based harrassment for men...

Appendix 23

Brief Background:

We met at and developed our relationship from friends in Year 2003, In year 2004, our parents were made aware of our relationship and all agreed with our relationship though I was from upper caste and she was from a lower caste. Our parent’s friendship and relationship grew as well and both started getting together on each other’s family members birthday and started celebrating all the festivals together as well. In year 2007, I got approval for permanent residency visa to Australia and I

38 moved to Australia and she stayed in India as she was still to finish her Graduate degree in Engineering. In year 2008, I went to India to get engaged and her parents pressured me that I must get legal married so that their daughter don’t have to wait for visa after marriage so we had a small ceremony in Chandigarh and neither a dowry was offered nor was asked as this has been a mutual agreed marriage. We had exchange of gifts like, we gave her jewellery and her parents also gave her jewellery and we exchanged rings. There was no electronic items, no cash except shaguns (Term used in India, it means the gifts you give in in occasion like marriage), no automotive/vehicles etc was given or offered to me or my family which is called dowry. I returned back to Australia within 30-35 days. Then in year 2009 I came back to get Social Wedding, this wedding was arranged by her parents in a community centre which her father didn’t have to pay as it was his department’s community centre. So it wasn’t a lavish marriage and again we didn’t have any dowry exchange nor was dowry discussed or offered. Next day to wedding, my father organised a reception which was celebrated to welcome her in our family and her parents gave us a shagun of 1 lakh Rupees (Approx. AUD2000) on the reception stage saying that this is small offering to us to either go on honeymoon, or buy something for home in Australia.

After marriage story:

We came back to Australian within 20-25 days of our wedding and we arrived at Melbourne on 25th Dec Night. We then went to Sydney for honeymoon from Melbourne and stayed at Sydney from 27th Dec to 2nd January. Almost within a month of my married life, her parents started interfering too much and saying that they miss their daughter and either they should visit us or I should let her go.

Her parents have been always threatening and rude to me and my parents and have been interfering in our lives all the time specially her mother. Her mother use to have regular visit to us and wanted us to live a life designed by her and use to pick on me for every small thing. Her Parents never use to motivate their daughter to work as they saying its husband responsibility to feed all in family and fulfil the demands and you are a NRI (Non-Resident Indian; which in Indian people assume as a rich person) and should have thought before dreaming of marriage that our daughter lives a lavish life and love spending and shopping. To threaten me to next level, she even finished this relationship twice and went back to India first it was in and then in and every time she left her father use to threaten my parents and me of 498A and damage they can do to us. So we had no choice but to agree on their terms. Slowly life started moving on her parents new terms and conditions arising every month and years. Once we planned the baby ,her parents started interfering much more and even declared they have to be present at the time of her delivery but not my parents and soon my son was born, her father told me to hire a full time servant at home otherwise they will take her and my son to India, and I couldn’t manage to afford this so result was they took her back to India and my son as well, so I lost first 6 months of my son growing period and after 6 months we started receiving threatening calls again and I had to agree many of their conditions and bring her back to Australia and my son. During her mother’s last visit to Australia, her mother crossed all the limits and put a condition for me to either choose my brother or their daughter and also to help them for some money laundering. Refusal to these conditions leads to filing a fake case of dowry against me and my parents. Please

39 note: All the Jewellery given by us to her or by her Parents to her had been with her mother from her very first visit to India, she told me that she is going to keep in Chandigarh locker of her mother which in the complaint has been mentioned with us. Even any articles my parents have been giving to her during the different family ceremonies since marriage are also in her custody. Till without investigation we have dowry case and FIR and LOC.

Reason for dispute and how it started:

It’s just her parents involvement to our life to a large extent that they never let us settle in life, Her parents wanted me to be a yes man on her every single demand which I have been agreed on since but now these conditions were crossing the limits and hence I had to take stand, The latest few conditions on which I took stand were: 1. Her parents forcing me to involve in money laundering and open a NRI account in Chandigarh and handover the ATM to them and didn’t want to disclose the reason. 2. Her Parents wanted me to send Son and Her to live in India for few years as they say they don’t want that she should look after the son as well as do house work or they wanted me to hire 2-3 servants for her which is not possible in Australia. 3. They told me that she has been bought up with 3-4 servants around and can’t do house hold work and she should be provided same atmosphere.

Impacted on me as a husband as well on my family

1. My grandmother passed away in all this stress and I couldn’t visit her as it was a danger to me as per the threats by her parents and I had LOC as well. 2. Parents suffered more than even any one as they are innocent at all. They never faced police in their life whereas Police have been a regular visitor to our house and has been missing treating my parents who are 60+ in age and going through medical issues. Both my father and mother is patient of depression and anxiety along with many other health issues because of what they have gone through. 3. I neither can visit my parents not they can visit me because of travelling restrictions on them and fake case and LOC on me as well. 4. I am in extreme debt and my lawyer chasing her for financial settlement and she hasn’t been helping as she was waiting on house prices to go up. 5. I have anxiety issues, I miss call from India makes me worse within seconds. 6. My back has to be operated and I don’t have support as my parents can’t be here and I can’t go India for operation so I am tolerating pain from year 2015. 7. Lost social circle as I don’t have courage to face people and their questions and my parents are same.

Immigration issues

1. My parents Visa to Australia have been rejected and they can’t visit me now. 2. I have LOC so I can’t visit to India as visiting India will be almost committing suicide for me as I know I am going to lose my job and career and God knows how long I will be trapped their while I have health issues.

40 Appendix 24

Hello

I have seen this post on Facebook about dowry law in Australia. This will make a man's life miserable. My brother and we have been affected under this case in India. My brother's fault was to bring his wife to Australia, supported her to get settled and paid everything for her. She cheated on all of our family. All she wanted was money and Australian PR for free. She had connections with her boyfriend back home. My parents didn't have anything to do us here, but her family tried to trap them in a fake dowry case and asked for big amount of money. There is no proof of saying anything against anyone. Its really complicated just to listen few words from a woman and declare guilty to a man. would be the system wants a lot men to commit suicides or hospitalised under trauma and big mental health issues, before they hear the side as well.

My brother worked hard approximately 10-12hours a day, driving all day and then get trap in cases like this to waste all my money, energy and respect. My brother was almost gone in depression, if didn't have handled him on time and seek medical support. It won't be the same person again. it would very hard for him to trust other women in his life.

There should be a law on those women who gets their PR without contributing in the family. They should work in Australia for a certain amount of hours/amount to show their contributions and responsibility towards the family before they get their PR.

We all family members have been Mentally get disturbed when something like happens in the family. This law allows brides parents to make any statement on anyone in the family. Parents, sisters, cousins, other relatives never have anything to do but still it gives them bad trauma and also children involved in these families get mentally harassed Australia has vert struck laws for children's safety, mental and physical health, by passing this law which would be based on saying anything without proof, will save children within the family environment. Children do get very quickly whats happening around and in the family. Situations like this give a big trauma and unsettlement in children as well

Appendix 25

Hi My name is [name withheld], 35 years old, living and working in Australia. I got married in to wife whose family was introduced to my family by one of my fathers friend. We never asked/demanded for any dowry, the main reason for going ahead with this marriage is because, we believed that wife is well educated with Masters degree from Australia. However, soon after the wedding, I had organized a party to introduce my wifes family to my family, so that everyone can get to know each other. But none from my wifes family turned-up, there was no genuine reason mentioned. She is also having some health issues, which was kept secret from my family. My wife hardly stayed for 10-15 days at my parents place during my stay in India and she left my place the day I returned to Australia. Later around 6-8 weeks

41 after, she returned to my parents house and started abusing in vulgar language that "I was impotent" and my family kept it secret - which was a complete false allegation and they had no proof of it. If this was an issue, there was no concern raised during my stay in India and they only made allegations after I returned to Australia. They were around 30 people who came to my house, who were threatening my family and abusing them too. Later, I filed for divorce after waiting for over 12 months, expecting that the matter could be resolved, but I have never heard from her or her family. As, I had applied for Divorce, my wife and her family made false allegations and filed Domestic Violence and Dowry Harassment cases against all my family members.

Finding that they have made such false complaints, my family was shattered, emotionally depressed and heart-broken, because we never asked/demanded for any dowry and my wife stayed at my place only for 10-15 days. It tooka big toll emotionally on my parents and myself included. My mother wnet into depression, dad was helpless and I was helpless, as I was stuck in Australia and could not go home to look after my parents because of the DV and 498a cases. My sister and her family who also live in Australia they cannot travel to India because of the cases. Our family is completely destroyed, shattered, separated and my wife's far relative contacted me to negotiate that she is ready to sign the divorce only if I hep her get a permanent residency to Australia. I suffered mentally with this incident and had sought medical assistance,but three years later, I have not yet recovered and am not able to focus on my job consistently. Its been 3 years, I have not been able to see my parents.

Hopefully, the Indian government realizes the situation that how women are making the lives of men miserable just because they want money or status and misusing/abusing the law which was written into the constitution to protect them.

Thank you.

42 Appendix 26

43