extinguished Citizen ..See Page 3 Ac-r-rn fierce Ensemble to Penguins lose dip to •Penn State on road...See Campus Coverage . . . At Its Best :; Pag:* 14

Copyright©1988

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 1988 YOUNGSTOWN STATE UNIVERSITY VOL. 68, NO. 42

By ERIKA HANZELY Jambar Assistant News Editor

Two students will be placed on YSU's Board of Trustees now that House Bill 34 has been signed by Governor Richard J. Celeste. The bill, which was finally passed 22-10 by the Senate after 16 years in the House, will become law in 90 days. It was passed in the House for the past two years only to be defeated later by the Senate. Marvin Robinson, president of Student Government, said the "general sentiment" was that students would "upset the workings" ill of the Board because they wouldn't have time to learn the system (current non-members serve nine years), and because they would be biased. Students on the board, however, will riot be.able to yo$e or to,, attend executive session. "I hope, eventually, once we've proven that students are not a hindrance, that someone will initiate legislation to allow us to vote," said Robinson. He said he hopes to have two students on the board by June. Stu• dent Government is presently working on a process to come up with five names of prospective students to send to the governor. According to Robinson, the criteria for selection will be the same as those for a position on Student Government or a University committee.

Robinson has been working with House representatives to try to JOHN CHARIONOWTHE JAMBAfl get the bill passed. He testified in front of the House Education Committee this year and went to Columbus three weeks ago to ex• press his support to the Senate. "In the past we had no real, regular contact with Board members," Robinson said. "Now we are able to address our John Kish, junior, chemical engineering, takes advantage of the warm sun and the blue skies concerns." to study on the campus core mound. Herds of students migrated to the mounds as spring sprung on the YSU campus this week. Blevins may face death penalty By LISA M. SOLLEY Jambar Editor Two suspects assault escort Brian S. Blevins is scheduled to be arraigned early this morning By SUE KNAPIC in Mahoning County Court and may face the death penalty now Jambar News Editor that a new indictment has been handed up by the grand jury. Blevins is to be arraigned at 8:45 a. m. in front of Judge William Houser. According to Campus Police reports, a YSU student escort was The arraignment was set after the Mahoning County Crand Jury jumped by two black male subjects while walking home from school handed up a superceding indictment Wednesday morning against Monday evening. the 22-year-old, charged with the stabbing death of YSU senior Ken- The victim was returning home from his escort job at 10:05 p.m. more Drake. The original charge of murder against Blevins is now on March 28 when two black male subjects approached him, nullified. demanded his money and then assaulted him, stated the report. The assault took place on Elm Street just north of Service Road The grand jury also handed up an indictment against Blevins" overpass. mother, Donna Fortunate of 107 Jeannette Drive, Boardman. The Police reports stated the attack occurred as follows: the vic• Mahoning County Prosecutor Gary Van Brocklin said a five- tim handed his wallet to the taller of the two perpetrators. After count indictment was handed up on Blevins for aggravated murder removing $12 cash from the victim's wallet, the subject scattered with death specifications of aggravated burglary, aggravated rob• Do li Scclele the remaining contents of the wallet on the ground. bery and kidnapping. See Blevins, page 16 See Assault, page 16 y with Escort Service The Jambar spoke with four By JONI DOB RAN escorts — Jay Deneen, director Jambar Entertainment Editor of the service; Stacy Sowers, Mp Al Moamin and Vic Magalotti You're walking across campus — to get their opinions about one evening on your way to their job. class. You're walking alone. You For Deneen, senior, electrical hear footsteps behind you. You engineering, working at the ser• stop and look around, thinking vice for the past three years has you see a shadow moving behind given him "some good profes• the bushes. Frightened, you sionalism, public relations and quicken the pace and continue even management experience." on. All agreed that getting the A scene like this happens chance to meet others is one of often, but with the assistance .of the best aspects of the job. "You the Campus Area Residential get to talk to people, you learn Escorts (CARE), it doesn't need about different classes. There's to happen at all. just a satisfaction of knowing The escorts, all students, walk that we're helping people out YSU community members and helping keep the campus (students, faculty and staff) from safe," said Sowers, a junior one location to another, pro• nutrition major who was chosen viding a safer feeling. Escort of the Quarter this past Although they primarily walk fall. people across campus, they may The biggest negative going go off campus and take people Carta' Crew: The Campus Escort Service works throughout the week to walk students safely to against them they said is the fact to or from their homes. When their destination. that people don't know about going off campus, two escorts the service. Moamin, senior, are sent and, with their radios or even to meet people at their dent Government's General Fee. work at first, but now things management, stated mat "peo• that they, carry, they check in area homes. Currently he said there are 10 have smoothed out and it*s more ple who don't know or unders• and out with Campus Police • CARE is sponsored by Stu• escorts and three dispatchers, fun. He said the most work tand the service are shy to ap• The service is available from dent Government and Vice with the latter answering the comes from finding ways to proach us. They don't realize we 5-11 p.m. Monday through President Gary Caylor is respon• phone, making appointments market it. get paid and it's like they feel Friday when school is in session. sible for the service. As part of and logging the locations the The escorts worfcbn their own like they're infringing upon us." Special arrangements can also be his duties, he is "in charge of the escorts are to go. in the Student Government of• Magalotti, senior, electrical made during the day. hiring, training, administration He said that CARE always fices, where Caylor said they engineering, added that "we To obtain an escort, dial ex• and marketing of the escort ser• has regular customers who make basically stay in two rooms, one have to let people know that tension 3591 from a campus vice," he said, adding "I take weekly appointments, but that devoted to quiet study, the other we're here.and we want to phone and a student will arrive, care of their time cards, make lately "people have been getting to group study. ! help." their schedules out and work out usually within five minutes. a little bit lackadaisical about it He said he's very confident of Working for CARE, they any problems." They can also be requested on a and I don't know why. The the escorts and he hired "guys said, has helped them become steady basis to escort regularly, Caylor said the service has numbers of people calling for who I'd trust to walk my sister more involved in other events thus eliminating the call each been in use for approximately escorts have slipped, but across campus at night." He because, by working so closely time. Arrangements can also be five years. Originally ft was a hopefully they'll build back up." added that "they're a real close- with Student Government, they made to meet escortees at their volunteer organization, but now Caylor stated that getting the knit bunch, very respectable have been made more aware of cars at a specific time and place, the students are paid out of Stu• service organized was a lot of guys." campus activities. English professor requests J readers romance opinion YSU — Dr. James T. Henke, English, has been romancing the romance novel. i Fascinated with the genre and its readers, and objecting to the scorn with which many academics view both, Henke decided to give the public a chance to talk back — he's currently soliciting romance readers' responses explaining how their reading habits af• fect their lives. Needed immediately — Compositor. \ Henke became involved with romance novels while editing the I third romance novel manuscript of his wife, Shirl, a former YSU instructor who has sold six books to Warners' Publishing. Must be able to workup to 20 hours per week, "Omfo"f the things that impressed me most in reading Shirl's fan mail was the diversity of the women who wrote her, as well as their including production nights at The Jambar. intelligence," Henke said. He added that romance readers come from every walk of life, educational level and social background. Interested persons should have typing skills; I He hopes to receive enough responses to his articles and ads in various romance trade journals to gather letters into a book, ten• knowledge of Compugraphic com• tatively titled JRomance Readers on Romance Reading. puters/machines a definite plus. Paid position. Henke received a YSU Research Council Grant to finance the advertisements to collect data for his study. . • , Further information is available by calling He began teaching at the University in 1969, having previously taught at the University of Missouri. Henke received his B.A. in 742-3095. English from Washington University, his M.A. in English from the University of Missouri and his Ph.D. in English from the Universi• ty of Washington. I Henke has had several books and articles published. YSU — William G. Lyden Jr., chair of the board Youngstown Area Chamber of Commerce, Lyden of The Lyden Company, has been selected by the. said he is optimistic about the area's future. Alumni Association of YSU as the 1988 recipient "We've seen some bad times but there has been of its Distinguished Citizen Award. a turn around," he said. "There are definite pro• The Alumni Board of Directors named Lyden spects on the horizon." at their recent meeting. In 1986, Lyden was recognized for this involve• Lyden will be honored at the Distinguished ment as Mahoning Valley Man of the Year. He Citizen Award dinner to be held June 17 on the is president of the Petroleum Marketing Educa• YSU campus. The annual event was instituted in tion Foundation, director of the Society of 1981 to honor a prominent area resident who has Gasoline Directors of America, chair of the Ohio contributed significantly to the Youngstown com• Oil Heat Council and board member for the munity and the surrounding area, and, through Mahoning Valley Economic Development that individual, to strengthen ties between the Corporation. University and the business and professional communities. He has acted as chair of the Marketing Divi• Lyden joins past recipients Donald W. sion of the National Oil Fuel Institute and as McGowan, Arthur G. Young, Margaret H. regional vice president, senior vice president and Cushwa, Edward J. DeBartolo, R. Thornton president of the National Oil Jobbers Council in Beeghly, R.J. Wean and Harry J. Boldwell. Washington D.C. In announcing the award, Alumni directors Lyden is a board member of Goodwill In• cited Lyden's countless hours devoted to both civic dustries, St. Elizabeth Hospital Medical Center, and business endeavors as well as to YSU and its and is an advisory committee member for the athletic program. United Way. In addition, he served as director of An Ursuline High School graduate, Lyden the Eastern Ohio Lung Association and as presi• received his B.S. from the University of Notre dent for the Mahoning Valley Boy Scouts. Dame in 1950. After graduation, he worked in the fields of administrative accounting and sales with Lyden has strongly supported YSU and its Amoco Oil Company in Baltimore and Pittsburgh. athletic program. He helped coordinate the cam• In 1953, Lyden returned to work for the Lyden paign for the Stambaugh Sports Complex, nam• Oil Company, a major distributor of gasoline, ed for his lifelong mentor, Arnold D. Stambaugh. fuel, motor oil and industrial lubricants for Lyden helped in the planning, financing and con• Amoco. traction phases of the stadium. In 1966 he was named president of Lyden Oil.. Lyden, who said he has recognized the impor• Twenty-two years later he has restructured the tance of the relationship between alumni, their organization into The Lyden Company to reflect . university and the area community, was honored the diversification into non-petroleum fields that by his alma mater as the 1969 Notre Dame Alumni include food, real estate and transportation. Club Man of the Year. He has also participated A Youngstown native and current chair of the in many activities of the YSU Alumni Association.

^YSIIc^rmual oAwards YSU PI

OUTSTANDING GRADUATING SENIOR

0 LEADERSHIP SCHOLARSHIP OUTSTANDING UNDERGRADUATE LEADERS

PAC SCHOLARSHIP

OUTSTANDING PROGRAM & ACTIVITIES COUNCIL MEMBER

Students, faculty and staff are strongly encouraged to nominate students. Self-nominations are welcome. Nominations forms are available at the Kilcawley Information Center now through Friday, April 8. For more information call 742-3580.

"Awards presented at the Student Activities Awards Banquet on May 26,1988. * Awards for outstanding Student Organizations will also be awarded. LISA M. SOLLEY, EDITOR DOROTHY KAGLIC, COPY EDITOR DEBORA SHAULIS, MANAGING EDITOR BRIAN J. MAC ALA, SPORTS EDITOR SUE KNAPIC, NEWS EDITOR JON! DOBRAN, ENTERTAINMENT EDITOR/ ERIKA HANZELY, ASSISTANT NEWS EDITOR FREEDOM OF SPEECH

EDITORIAL are a April Fool's Day has been a tradition in this country for many years. An April Fool's Day edition of The Jambar has also been a tradi• tion at YSU for many years. Some Jambar staffs have chosen not to print an April Fool's edi• tion. The 1987-88 staff has decided to print a Fool's issue. April Fool's Day is a day for pranksters to let loose and for peo• ple to laugh. It is a day for people to be Iighthearted and enjoy laughter. Jokes should be taken in stride. The Jambar staff is urging people to take this year's edition in the spirit it was intended — to make people laugh. An April Fool's edition of the paper has not been printed since 1980-81. We decided to bring the tradition back to the YSU campus. This paper takes journalism seriously, but we have decided, in the name of humor, to dedicate five pages to April Fool's Day. It is not the intent of The Jambar to offend anyone. It is, however, bur intent to make people laugh and to take part in April Fool's Day. If you don't like our intentions — too bad. Because we at The Jambar believe in the word intent. And we intend to make you laugh on a day set aside for fun, laughter and practical jokes. om,ziiwmjM mfimwmm mimr post,

Cooperative Campus Ministry should be commended for spon• soring a monthly worship service for the YSU community. The worship service is a much needed event on the YSU cam• COMMENTARY pus. Events such as this are a way of bringing the campus com• munity together. The Newman Center is sponsoring Good Friday Services at 12:10 p.m. in Kilcawley's Scarlet Room. The service is open to the entire YSU community. Hats off to Coopertive Campus Ministry and the Newman Center When you have an itch, it is common sense to for their fine efforts. scratch. Well tnis student has an itch. All too often, todays college student is putting ROB SHEVETZ too much emphasis on what they wear, what Junior, A&S The Jambar welcomes and encourages letters from all material possessions they own and what they do students, faculty and staff members of YSU. All letters must on their not-so-spare time. be typed, double spaced, must be signed and must include Did you ever sit down in Kilcawley Center and the writer's telephone number. The telephone number is us• just watch the countless number of students walk• myself in class and the professor would try his or ed for confirmation puposes and will not be published. Let• ing by or eating lunch. My observations, in my her hardest to get some kind of class participation. ters may not exceed 250 words and should concern campus- opinion, are quit disturbing. One day I observed Instead, all I see is a bunch of confused faces star• related issues. The editor has the right to accept or reject let• one particular student who looked like she was on ing into space. Even worse, only half the^lass even ters and the paper reserves the right to print all, some or none the cover of a popular fashion magazine. Her hair bothered to show up. This is truly a waste of time of your letter depending upon available space. was blond and teased, she was wearing a daring for not only the instructor but also the students. skin tight outfit and had more costume jewelry I'm sure there are students who go to class, do than YSU's University Theatre has in it's dressing their work and know where their priorities are. room. They deserve to be congratulated. But, it is un• Why would she dress like that, even more, how fair to these dedicated individuals that an instruc• THE JAMBAR is published two times a week during the fall, much cash did she spend to purchase the clothing? tor has to slow the pace of a class because half winter and spring quarters and once a week during the sum• Why would a college student put so much em• the class went to a campus drinkery on a Thurs• mer session. ' phasis on his or her appearance. There are more day night and didn't work on the class assignments The views and opinions expressed herein do not necessarily important things to worry about, for example, that accumulated since the beginning of the week reflect those of THE JAMBAR staff, YSU faculty or writing term papers, doing yesterday's caclulus or even the quarter. administration. assignment and even saving enough money to pay The point I'm trying to get across is, not put• Subscription rates: $12 per academic year, $13 including sum• for next quarters tuition. ting 100 percent into your education is not only mer quarter. In my opinion, today's society is being MTV'd hurting yourself, but it is hurting your instructors THE JAMBAR offices are located on the first floor of to death. Too much time is being spent on leisure ability to teach effectively. Even worse, it is Kilcawley West. THE JAMBAR office phone number is and not enough on good old fashion work and decreasing the quality of education that your 742-3094 or 742-3095. ,/ dedication towards school. All too often, I find fellow students are paying for in time and money. Advertising Manager,. BETH GONDA Sales Manager. ROB NISCHWITZ 'Adverting Assistant MELANIE MAYS Compositor8..RENEE VIVACQUA, ANTHOULA MASTOROS Submit opinion pieces Darkroom TechnidansJOHN CHARIGNON, MIKE ALLENDER The Jambar Graphic Artist LAURIE DeLUCIA encourages students, faculty and staff members to submit opinion pieces for Faculty Adviser. CAROLYN MARTIN DALE publication on the editorial page. All commentaries must be approved by the Editor. Subjects Secretary MILLIE McDONOUGH do not have to be related to the campus. Receptionist ...RENEE PANGELLO For more information call The Jambar offices at 742-3094. The Bottom Line walkways would flaw campus looks

QUESTION: With northeastern walkways or building bridges to nine different projects. These connecting Williamson Hall eight years ago, it would surely Ohio's wet and cold weather, across campus, the park-like set• projects include: general utilities with Ward Beecher and Ward be in the millions today. why don't we have more bridges ting would be ruined. Consider• and renovation, land acquisi• Beecher with the Rayen or covered walkways here on ing the effort put forth by YSU's tion, roof renovations, physical Engineering Building. So, for now, on those cold and campus? award-winning grounds staff, plant renovations (Phase II), However, the Beecher-Rayen wet northeastern Ohio days, project stand low on the current bring ah umbrella, and dress Robert Myers destroying the appearance of the Bliss Hall renovations (Phase II), priority list and the Williamson- warmly. The bottom line is cur• ANSWER: Information in gardens and sitting areas would outdoor recreation (Phase I), Beecher project is no longer be• rent funding will not enable answer to questions regarding be a gross disservice to both the repairing stadium leaks, asbestos ing considered. Nevertheless, plans of bridges or covered this issue was provided through grounds crew and the student removal and parking facilities. such a project would not harm walkways to be serious Ed Salata, executive director of body of the University. Projects are chosen on the the appearance of the campus consideration. Facilities. Salata stated two In addition to campus ap• basis of priority status. The because it would not divide basic reasons for the lack of pearance, there- is^ the more University decides how a project grounds, but rather connect covered bridges or walkways on pressing problem of funding. shall rank on a priority list campus structures. Such a pro• EDITOR'S NOTE: The Bottom YSU grounds. Reasons varied in , Many students believe that fun• which they compile based on ject would enable access from Line is a column by Jim Phillips weight, ranging from the visual ding for such projects is raised need and feasibility. The time Williamson to Cushwa without to answer questions students, effect such structures would through increased tuition. On frame from conception to execu• leaving the comfort of indoors. faculty or staff members have have on campus, to the source of the contrary, nearly all of the tion of a project varies depen• concerning YSU. Send your funding for such projects. funding for such projects, the ding on other cases that may The cost of either bridge pro• questions to Jim at The Jambar Most students at YSU would Rayen-Cushwa pedestrian develop and outrank or bump a ject was not available, but bas• office. agree the appearance of the bridge for example, is provided project down the list. ed on the cost of the Wick Bridge campus is very appealing. The by State Capitol Appropriations. For example, the Ward appealing look of the campus is This is a political process by Beecher Building renovation not a result of coincidence or which a bill is drafted by the was on the list for nearly 10 THE PEN HOUSE gifts of nature. Rather, it is the governor's staff and the state years before funding for that 3Jmniattmts 3[ar result of careful planning and egislature requesting a project could be justified over JVno* Occasion hard work in terms of architerc- designated amount of money for other immediately-needed pro• tural design and grounds given projects. The bill is then jects. That project cost in the Wedding * Graduation maintenance. The appearance of sent through the Ohio Board of area of $13 million. Shower * etc. the YSU campus is among the Regents to the governor and the Other projects, such as the targe selection PLUS ; most highly regarded *-in the legislature. classroom, electrical and personalized stationery ft \*$^-\ state. Winding walkways lace YSU recently recommended mechanical improvements in the and accessories \\ the many gardens and sitting and requested $14.5 to $15' Cushwa and DeBartolo -DISCOUNT PRICES- V areas in Remain concourse. At .million for , capitol im• Buildings, cost over $1 million. Call (216) 755-3363 night, the lighting enhances provements this biennium. They A project such as the Wick ' VI Agresta Appointment at your convenience Struthers figures of the gardens, creating expect to receive $9.9 million. Bridge, completed in Feb. 1980, fascinating "night sculptures." The funds requested, namely cost $962,903. Consideration has been given to two other bridges Salata said by covering the House Bill 810, will be allocated Student Activities' Profile -LETTERS of an Outstanding Student Leader set against spitting

Dear Editor: pneumonia and influenza. For more information, to Students Opposed to Spitting Our second goal is to offer show your support, or just for will be sponsoring an Awareness alternate behaviors for those the free candy, stop by Day on Wednesday, April 6. who spit. Paul Rossi of the Kilcawley Center, April 6, from Our purpose is two-fold. First, American Cancer Society made 10 a.m.-2 p.m. Name: Beth A. Gonda we want to draw attention to several suggestions for substitute Jill Williams Major: Advertising/Public Relations Rank: Senior the health hazards of spitting behaviors. Among them are cin• Sophomore, Education Leadership Activities: Advertising Manager - The Jambar, Presi• dent - Advertising Club (1988); Secretary - Advertising Club (1987); and its effects on others. Spitting namon sticks or candy, celery or r Jeanie Lamb can be responsible for the spread carrot sticks, chewing gum and Sophomore, Education Member - American Advertising Federation; Member - Academic of diseases such as strep, staph, drinking water. Standards and Events Committee; Member - Search Committee for WSBA Dean. "

Awards: YSU Foundation Scholarship (1984-88); Stouffer Foods nput needed for honors program Corporation Scholarship (1986-88); President's Scholarship Dear Editor: identified are challenged to per• educational principles require (1987-88); John W. Hill Memorial Scholarship from the Greater form at the highest level of ex• Cleveland Chapter of the Public Relations. Society of America;' not that the same programs be Distinguished Student in Business Award; Dean's list (1984-88); The following objectives for cellence of which they are National Dean's List; Who's Who; Williamson Society; Williamson an honors program are pro• capable and through which they offered to all but that all persons "Fellow in Advertising; Finalist - Direct Marketing Association Sum• moted by the National. Col• may become independent have the opportunity to develop mer Internship. legiate Honors Council. Is there learners. 3. To establish an en- their talents to the fullest. any need of such a program here virornment that will encourage Most Memorable Experience: "The valuable experience as well at YSU? If you think so, please the aspirations of and the Honors education becomes as the lasting friendships I have made at The Jambar and the Adver• let Dr. George Sutton, director achievements by these students elitist, at least in the perforative tising Club." of Honors know about it. 1. To and that will foster in them sense, only when it departs from identify students whose ability dignity, self-esteem, and a sense Legacy I Would Like to Leave YSU: "Although academic achieve• and motivation are so high that of their potential. meeting educational needs and ment should be strived for, the bottom line is how you can use your education to perform in the "real world". their academic needs would not engages in the favoritism of pro• l)e met adequately by existing' There are those egalitarians viding special privileges. Future Plans: "t would like to work in corporate public relations, programs. 2, To provide who suggest that ah honors pro• get my MBA, and in the future do communications work for non• academic opportunities of such gram is elitist or undemocratic. Dr. Joseph Altinger profit organizations." caliber that the students thus However, both democratic and Math and C.S. Terrorists take Jambar staff

WANTED: DISC JOCKEY BOLTON HALL CO-ED DORM hostage; demand newspaper to play at area night clubs, wed• Double and rooms available dings and parties. Dependability for students who want a quiet and A terrorist group stormed the illustrious offices of The Jambar, and transportation a must. Call clean place to live. Walking taking the staff hostage yesterday. 743-7843. distance to YSU. Call for more in• TAWLK TO ME, LEZI formation 746-5287 or 533-3113. The staff was restrained with rope the terrorist obtained from Love, Missi YSU's ROTC offices and blindfolded. The staff was then threaten- „ ed with bodily harm unless they gave five pages of the newspaper to the terrorists- SAE TRIVIA??? CHESS PLAYERS: ROOMS AVAILABLE: Name the SAE who now carries Now forming YSU Chess Club. The terrorists have not made any further demands at this time, Females only. Beautiful older shark repellent each day to fend Leave name and number at however, five pages were handed over to the savages. home. Must see! Private bedroom. off muddy fish... 743-9234 for information. Jambar editor-in-chief, Lisa M. Soliey informed the gun-toting Shared bathroom, kitchen and FreeNet users, Email AA280 or scum that her staff would not be bullied into allowing these AA287. living room/studyroom; sleezebuckets'to have their way with the campus. Two rooms left. 743-4021 The terrorist gagged the editor and said they would make her SM, edit the English department's memos if she did not shut up. See how much I love you? I even l,MPM>\MJf\r Being more afraid of the English department than the terrorist, shaved my hair for youl Happy The Jambar staff gave up five pages to the terrifying group. April Fool's Day. FREE ROOM AND BOARD Until the staff is released, YSU president Jimmy "The Peanut" Love, On upper 5th Ave., in exchange Humphrey is asking that air persons in the YSU community tie SUMMER JOB babysitting. Working couple. yellow ribbons around campus trees. Industrial Salesman salary & Need help nights/weekends, Happy April Fool's Day from The Jambar. commission Pyramid Fitness already have daytime maid & Industries. cook. 1-800-448-1888 Brian, 758-9701 TYPING WITH THE PROFESSIONAL TOUCHI FURNISHED APARTMENT Term papers, resumes, letters. Three bedroom with shower. 419 Confidential, dependable, 200 COUNSELORS AND . Foster Street. Near Rayen quality work. INSTRUCTORS NEEDED1 Avenue. Downtown 747-2252 REASONABLE RATES. Private, coed summer camp in Mrs. Williams, Gall anytime. CALL 744-4767. Pocono Mountains, Northeastern Pennsylvania. Lohikan APARTMENTS FOR RENT PO Box 234YJ One bedroom or three bedroom. %E A LINK IN THE CHAIN. Kenilworth, NJ 07033 Three blocks from campus. Phone Get involved with the SSS Pro• 201-276-0565 between 9:00 a.m. and 5 p.m. gram. Student Assistant applica• 792-9600. tions are again available in 3049 Jones Hall. Deadline: April 11, 1988. YSU FEMALES ONLY Rooms for rent near school. Cost Full-time students who are, in is $110 a month. This includes all good standing and are interested utilities. References please. Call The Ladies of' Vietnam Vets in working Spring Quarter, either Jim Casey at 534-5096 after 6:00 (L.O.V.V.) will be holding a from 7:30 a.m. unit! 11:30 a.m. p.m. bakesale in the lobby of Cushwa or 12 noon until 4 p.m., Monday Hall on April 4, 6 and 8. Pizzelles, through Friday or Saturday, pepperoni rolls and cookies will be please contact the Grounds available. 9 a.m. - 2 p.m. Department, 253 W. Rayej SOMETHING TO SAY? Avenue, between the hours of 8 a.m. and 5 p.m. Monday through SOMETHING TO SELL? Friday. (Telephone 742-7200). FOR SALE Try The Jambar Classifiedsl Commodore 64, diskdrive 132 column Daisywheel printer. Soft• Classified advertising is based on ware: Database, Wordprocessor, a 25 word limit. All classifieds Spreadsheet and Games. Price: IHH SING must be prepaid in the exact $500. Call 533-3401 after 5 p.m. amount with cash, check or or 742-3000 Ext. 5200. Ask for money order. Orders are accepted Terry. either in person or through the mail only. No telephone $100 OFF FIRST MONTH'S placements. Classifieds are taken RENT WITH THIS AD. in The Jambar offices located Limited time. One and two underneath the bookstore. FOR SALE bedroom and efficiencies Royal Academy electric available. Walking distance to typewriter. Two years old, like campus. LARNIN APART• new. $100 or best offer. For infor• MENTS, 8330hioAve., Apt. 11. mation, call 792-5786. 743-6337. CLASSIFIED RATES

Campus $1.00 ACOA: Anyone interested in an Non-campus $3.75 Adult Children of Alcoholics Sup• ELM STREET STUDENT port Group? For more informa• APARTMENTS CLASSIFIED DEADLINES tion, contact Dr. Jim Esperon at Three .large bedrooms. Five Ext. 1665 or Jain Savage at Ext. minute walking distance from Under attack: Above, members of The Jambar staff are YSU. $175 a month plus security noon Thursday for Tuesday's 3322. photographed as their apprehenders bind trr m with rope yester• deposit. Call 792-7264. paper and noon Tuesday for Fri• day in front of Kilcawley Center Wes* the terrorists are day's paper. seen holding Lisa M. Solley, Jambar t ^.-in-chief, at gunpoint on the mounds. Humphrey Dumphrey Famed crime fighting canine switches sides, turns prowls campus See Academic Senate redefines ptagarism agatn Sets new exciting purishmerrt as weU...See pg. 3. to fife of crime...See «a. 2. 09 3

Spreading infectious smut across campus

FRIDAY, APRIL 1, 1988 YUPPIE STATE UNIVERSITY VOLUME NO. 21, ISSUE NO. 69

By BON J. ROXX Germbar Funky Entertainment Ed. By SQUINTY RENARD Germbar Star Entertainment Reporter

Several savagely dismembered, limbs were discovered Tuesday afternoon on the YSU campus in the vicinity of Bliss Hall and the Butler Institute of American Art by two Jambar staff members. Entertainment Editor Joni Dobran and Entertainment Reporter Jamie Owen were horrified and stunned beyond words when, while returning from a journalistic assignment in the theater department, they stumbled upon (almost literally) the gored arm and then the leg of a now left-handed and right-footed victim. Campus Police were notified immediately by the level-headed, quick-thinking duo. After a fast search, Campus Police could find no clues, so they went away. Joni and Jamie realized they were now under the great tonnage of the burden of finding this cruel, cold- hearted butcher by themselves. They started their investigation at the Butler where the bloody, maggot-ridden arm was found. Though the two did their best to procure relevent information from the art institute, the museum directors refused to comment. The blood-stained trail of their investigation led them across the street to the Theater Department in Bliss Victim forced into ieft-handedness: This gored arm Hall. They looked carefully both ways — left, right, then •Can't 'walk this way' now: This bloody foot was found was found Tuesday afternoon in front of the Butler. See Their Story, page 5 in front of Bliss Hall by two Jambar staff members.

Inside Nonconformity is duced in recyclable paper. By BARBARA WUAH WUAH Turn the p*qo and find oat. cause for arrest 10/10 Germbar Correspondent The students came to the conclusion that the history department had so many pro• By LISA LISA union complaint In a monumental move, YSU fessors with doctoral degrees and the Cult-J am (bar) By CARLA BERNSTEIN President Humphrey Dumphrey Dumphrey stated: "I can because that was the cheapest / . - - Town Scam Seeker stripped the history department degree on the mail order understand why these pro• of their doctoral degrees today. The entire english depart• Citing personal pre• market. ; fessors may have done this Several non-history majors ment was arrested yesterday judice, history professor dastardly deed, but I don't con• discovered the majority of facul• Doctorates in English were and charged with riot conform• Darwin Doubleday filed a done it." ty members in the History the second cheapest, costing ing to the universal language of grievance against the rest "The idea of a mail order department had obtained their $1. the United States — english. of the history department degree is conceivable consider• PH.d's through a mail order Charges stemmed from com• faculty Tuesday with the Also, the students discovered ing it is in history," Dumphrey service. plaints by students, who YSU faculty union. that some of the history pro• went on to say. "Not too many The students said they began fessors had plagiarized their reported to Campus Police they "I think it's absurd that sane people obtain a dgree in doubting the doctorate degrees essays entitled: "Why I want a could not understand what the you have to have a doc• history." . ' ' after sitting through boring lec• PH.d in history." hell their english professors torate in order to play on Some history professors ob• tures, putting up with Some history professors, were talking about in class. the history department jected to the statements Dum• overzealous egos, and seeing however, admitted they did not YSU President Heil Hum• basketball team. Even Dr. phrey made. more time spent by the history intend to plagiarize but were phrey said in a press con• J. really isn't a doctor," Dr. Oh No Mr. Bill Dumbkin faculty on the plagiarism issue forced to because they couldn't ference "There ain't nothin' to said Doubleday, the only said the president's statements than history. think of their own reasons to ob• worry 'bout." He went on to add department professor who were outrageous. "Well, all I The students looked into the tain a PHd in history. that charges would more than did not earn a doctorate in want to know is: how much did matter and discovered the pro• likely be dropped by students if history. In a written statement releas• he pay for his degree?" fessors each paid 50 cents to ed by YSU's Not Necessarily See Doubleday, page 4 obtain a doctorate degree pro• the News Service, Humphrey See Stripped, page 5 See English, page 4 APRIL 1, 1988 THE GERMBAR

e -WISfS

By DOTTY KIGGLES limited-faculty have all the same that student. The instructor reason we brought this issue member: "I make a motion we Germbar Sloppy Reporter privileges as full-service facul• gets all the privileges we before the Committee was to table this'issue till our next ty in regard to grading prac• have." get in writing what we "'ready meeting. Maybe we can explore tices. Right? have practiced for years. We this major issue more Everyone signed in. Dr. Corn Dr. Davey Bobberson: "Evert Dr.Smothers: "I thought that just wanted to make it binding." thoroughly by next month." Roast. Dr. Billie Benkins. Dr. if there is no intent?" was what we already knew." Unrecognized faculty Davey Bobberson. Ms. Limited Dr. Benkins: "The Committee Dr. Corn Roast: "Do I have a (In a slightly elevated voice) member: "Does this mean the Faculty. And the others. said intent has nothing to do second?" - Dr. Unaware 0. Anything: Limited Faculty can do The meeting was about to with it. Cheating is cheating." Dr. Unaware O. Nothing: "I "When did we start that prac• everything we do and have begin. Dr. Roast called the Dr. Davey Bobberson: "Ex• second it." tice?" everything we have in our union meeting to order. The meeting plain yourself." Dr. Corn Roast: "All in favor, contract?" was scheduled to begin at 4 (Louder yet) Dr. Smothers: Dr. Smothers (In a loud say 'I.' " p.m. !t was five-after. "Dummy. Everybody knows the voice): "Sit down, Bobberson. Dr. Billie Benkins: "They limited-faculty has the same That was last month's already had all the same Membership (LOUDLY): "I." A cough here. And a sneeze rights that we have." meeting." privileges you do. Now, we want (Bang of the gavel) Dr. Corn there. A few papers shuffled. Dr. Unaware O. Anything: "I to legalize it" Roast: "Passed. We'll talk And the meeting began. Dr. Corn Roast (Weakly didn't know about it. How long banging his gavel): "The only Another unrecognized about this again next month." "Is there a report from the have they been giving grades to Barter and By-Laws Commit• students?" tee?" \ Dr. Billie Benkins and Dr. (Grunt) "None." Corn Roast (In unison): "The "Is there a report from the Limited Faculty always had Senate Big-Wigs Committee?" authority to give grades to "Go to the Dean and Pro• students. We just want it written vost's office to see what is go• down somewhere." ing on with the Communication Report. You can all review it Dr. Davey Bobberson: "Will there." they have to keep the students On to the next order of in order in the classroom, too?" business. Dr. Benkins: "Yes. Yes. And Two isues are to be resolved. if they (Limited Faculty) catch a Well, not really two. One is student copying from a publica• already accepted practice. tion, they get to take necessary Those faculty members who are disciplinary action against Killer Penguins machine riva By ISH KA BIBBLE Demon Sports Editor from Hell Caught In the act: Famed crime dog Ruff McGruff is caught in this exclusive Germbar photo in the act of stealing YSU's Campus Security's Cushman. The canine crime preventer is fac• In an age-old reunion of along-standing rivalry, the YSU Killer ing a sentence of three-day en-kennelment and no doggie rations for one week. Penguins' anti-terrorist team annihilated arch-foe, the University of Akron Zip Liberation Army, 36-6. "We had our most fundamentally sound day of blood and car• nage all season," said head coach Vladimir Kroznowski. 'You always want to do well against your rival, and in this case, all our By SACKDE NAK ing lot, continued reports. bullets and grenades fell right in line." Germbar Police Beater It was at this point that Officer Giveout The Killer Penguins' season record now stands at 11-1, 7-0 in Tickets was entering the parking lot in a the Ohio Valley Kill Conference, good enough for first place in the During a routine meeting with members of Cushman vehicle. According to Chief OVKC. The only blemish on the YSU record was an overtime loss the YSU Police Force yesterday, McGruff Turkeysandwich, McGruff bounded to the to nonconference foe, the U.S. Military Academy. reportedly went rabid and stole and wrecked vehicle, grabbed the officer with both paws by "Right now you have to consider us one of the front-runners a Cushman vehicle, injuring three petunia the lapel of his uniform, and threw him from for the national crown," Kroznowski said. "We're a little weak right beds. the vehicle. now in car-bomb detection, something we hope to correct in this According to reports, McGruff, otherwise McGruff managed to escape from the of• week's practices." known as the "take a bite out of crime" dog, ficers by driving away in the Cushman at an Ironically, it was the detection of a car bomb that put the Killer was sitting calmly in a meeting with Police approximate speed of 93.78932 miles per Penguins up for good against the ZLA in Monday's game. Commissioner, Twinky P. Turkeysandwich hour. Akron jumped out to a quick 2-0 lead when they unmercifully and several other police officers. According to several students who were shot two YSU hostages prior to the opening barrage. Suddenly, without warning, McGruff started watching the chase, McGruff had a crazed "We never expected it," All-American candidate Hans Schmidt to foam profusely at the mouth. look on his mug and seemed to have a distinct said following the game. "They caught us with our cartridge belts "We didn't know what was happening. AH purpose in mind. down." I said was 'I heard your mother likes petunias,' "He seemed to be driving straight for the " said Turkeysandwich. "Before we ail knew The surprise move didn't stop the Killer Penguins. They pro• petunia bed," said Billy B. Beebop, freshman, it, McGruff had jumped on top of the table, mptly arrested a member of the ZLA and beat him senseless to basketweaving. crushing our liverwurst croissants, and began gain their first points. to growl at us." McGruff drove over the petunia beds at the That's when the crucial car bomb play happened. Akron attemp• high rate of speed, causing dirt and petunia McGruff then, reportedly, barged out of the ted to blow up a Mercedes full of dynamite in Kilcawley Student toots to fly into the air. He targeted the meeting room and bounded down the steps Center, but hastily constructed barricades on the Spring Street- Cushman for three of the beds and was to the first floor of the security building. side of the building stopped the ZLA in their tracks. The two heading for a fourth when he crashed the With officers hot on his trail he was pursued lunatics driving the car were taken out and promptly shot, to put Cushman into a cement trash container. at a high speed through the building. The the Killer Penguins up for good, 7-2. chasing officers lost McGruff momentarily dur• McGruff was charged with offending an of• "The car bomb is an old trick of the ZLA," Kroznowski said. ing the pursuit, but the trail was picked up ficer, damaging a Cushman vehicle, crushing "We picked it up on their terror films during the week. As soon again when Officer Cantwaitto Shootemup liverwurst croissants, and speeding on cam• as the situation became the way it was, we realized what to ex• spotted a fragment of McGruff's trench coat pus. He was sentenced to three days in a dog pect. Our readiness paid off." caught in a door leading outside to the park• kennel and no doggie biscuits for a week. See Terrorists, page 4 3 THE GERMBAR APRIL 1, 1988

YSU News Briefs...Bpxkrs...Bikini sets punishment guidelines •Been waking up in the morn• dent nurse at BeegWy Health disposal." By SO SOLLEY ing with leprosy legs? Does Center: "This is the worst thing -Peter Burns Germbar tyrant your body itch every time you we've seen since the carbon take a breath? monoxide poisonings from tho •Now available in the YSU parking deck traffic jams of tho . New punishment for students who plagiarize was enacted dur• If you suffer from the above Bookstore: the NTSO Ultimate late '70's. We figure it's; ing yesterday's Academic Senate meeting. symptoms, ask yourself one Survival Packet. This handy something with the mounds." Although student senators verbally objected to the motion, facul• more question: "When was the item, a must-have for all ty members passed the resolution by a voice vote. last time I sunned on that fine students, includes two sharpen• YSU Grounds Department After the meeting, some faculty members spoke of parting the Penguin turf?" ed pencils, a ball-point pen with Mahoning River as their next task. spokesman Pete Moss wa:> four colors of ink, erasers, The new punishment states that students who are found guilty It's not your imagination that hesitant. "Perhaps we wero white-out, band-aids, aspirin of plagiarizing will be given the death penalty by electrocution from an epidemic of "pizza iegged- wrong to trust Hellthy Gro Corp. and a collapsible cup for taking once we learned they also aro the computer terminal at which the student sat to write the material. ness" has struck the campus. pills. Cost: $1.99 ; Student Government President James Dean, a rebel with a Says Prock T. Ologist, resi• involved in nuclear wasto —Anita Martini cause, left the meeting, shouting that YSU faculty members had finally proven they had no sense. Other student members said they were not surprised, stating faculty members had just taken their infallible notion that they were YOU TOO CAN TAN YOUR BUNS ON THE God one step too far. The controversial resolution sparked a fight that sent some ELEGANT BANKS OF THE MEDITEB ^.ANEAN Senate members to the hospital. OR THE MAHONING RIVER!!! The fight occurred when a student member became upset when he was not allowed to finish speaking. As a faculty member yell• ed, "We're not addressing the motion," the student member ac• Guido's Tours and Tirips cused the faculty member of having no concept of what motion was. He attemped to give an example of motion by tossing a book offers two deluxe packages — and at a discount rate! at the faculty member. The Webster Dictionary an English professor, leaving an im• print of the book's title on the professor's forehead. No charges The Mediterranean — one short night and two long ays on the were filed since the book did not make a dent in the thickened beautiful shores of downtown Beirut. Fallout helmet included. skull of the professor. At this point, a history professor stood up and challenged the student to a duel with tugers. The student politely declined, say• The Mahoning — dangle your tootsie's in the mudaied water ing "violence was not his style." of the close-by Mahoning River. Stay as long as you want! r A math professor then lunged at the student screaming, "No one can fight with a professor unless it is another professor. Don't you know the Senate rule? It was voted o'hiwhen we all decided All for the low, low price of $18.99 that nothing can be accomplished unless faculty members argue (Transportation, lodging and food not included) at Senate meetings." The scuffle was brought to order by Senate chair David Stake. (Please leave payment on the corner of Fifth and Elm in a brown In other Senate action, faculty members finally tried to resolve paper bag with "Guido" on the front.) See Plagiarism, page 4 APRIL 1, 1988 THE GERMBAR 4

had taken in their 15-6 win over Coup in Foreign Languages fails YSU in 1983. The move cost the YSU team two players (our By CARLA BERNSTEIN condolences to the families of Town & Country Scam Seeker Stan "Bone Crusher" Marx and Morrie "Rocket Launcher" University officials are still not sure who is responsible for yester• Naminski), and four of the day's unsuccessful coup attempt over foreign languages chair Dr. godless ZLA cashed for a one• way trip on the Satan express. (Denton Dingfeberry in DeBartolo Hall, though rumor has it that dissatisfied department members were the culprits. The score stood 15-2 at the The department secretary, five student assistants and the oc• intermission. cupants of the foreign language laboratory on the building's fifth YSU came out for the second floor were taken hostage by masked terrorists and later found lock• half machine-gunning, defen• ed inside the men's restroom. They were bound at the hands and ding the west side of the cam• feet with film from the lab. pus. "We had played for the "They turned the hand dryers on, then they broke the machines wind in the second half and got so that the heat would keep blowing on us. It was like Hades," it. Those bodies can get mighty cried Sally Simplicity, one of the students taken prisoner. gamey," Kroznowski said. Neither Simplicity or any of the other hostages could make a YSU promptly went out and positive identification of their captors, but Larry Arabia, sophomore, promised immunity to any ZLA undecided, thought he saw the same tattoo on the hand of one member willing to turn himself of the captors that Professor Carlo Tortellini sports. Mi in. This daring move by the Unconfirmed reports indicate that the foreign languages facul• Killer Penguins was surprising• ty members have been unhappy with Dingleberry's guidance late• ly listened to by six members of ly. Citing a heavier-than-usual workload and a lack of ethnic against humanity and the score pastries to snack on in the office, the faculty, led by assistant pro• stood 21-6. fessor Herb Villachese, took their complaints to Arts and Sciences Dean Ernie Heartburn. No ruling from Heartburn was given, Akron picked up their third, though, and rumors that the faculty would take matters into their and East, point of the game own hands circulated around DeBartolo restroom. when they, kidnapped a pro• Another dead commie terrorist: "These faculty members are not going to turn my department YSU all-time killing great Hans fessor from the geology'depart- upside-down with their protests," said Dingleberry early this mor• Schmidt (on top) gets the upper hand on a godless Zip terrorist ment and shot him in public as ning. "If they don't like it here,,they can find a Job elsewhere in action on campus Monday. Schmidt registered 11 kills, including a retaliatory blow for the like slinging hash in a sleazy Oklahoma diner." this one, on the day. » shooting of the six political One faculty member, who spoke anonymously, said he The move is normally worth prisoners. overheard remarks that Dingleberry's car would be targeted next. seven points, but YSU assess• ed a two-point reduction on a YSU next faces off with non- Continued from page'2 questionable call by an official conference foe the Ohio Nor• The Killer Penguins then who was promptly shot by YSU thern University Polar Bear began their wave of terror. flame-thrower Alexis Pack on Saturday at Ada, Ohio. Building on their score, the YSU Goodunov. The game will feature the con• Killer Penguins soon had a 12-2 YSU added three more points frontation of all-time slaying lead in the first half when they to its total by managing to greats Schmidt and ONU's napalmed a ZLA installation. rescue six hostages the ZLA Brian Mandingo.

understand. stood holding signs in silent • To stop rephrasing protest. students' colloquial terms from Police Chief Ruff McGruff Continued from page 1 their stored disks of Roget's said this was understandable, the english faculty members Thesaurus. considering the faculty didn't would comply with their • To not write smart ass com• know how to speak english demands. ments on students' papers just anyway. Student Government Presi• because they have* decided to Department chairman Bambi dent Merlin Perkins (R- try and make a career out of Sisters was near tears as her Youngstown) announced the passing judgement. beloved staff was rounded like student demands from his hap• • To try — really try — and a herd of cattle. "If one were to py hour location with his liquor hold a conversation that utlilizes analyze this horrendous ploy to cabinet members by his side. words the rest of the human undermine the very roots of the The demands are as follows: population can understand basis of the language that has • To prohibit the english pro• (under three syllables). unified neighboring nations to fessors from saying "One" in• Campus Police arrived at its knees — they're fudged." stead of "You." DeFartolo Hall dressed in riot Faculty members remain at • To prohibit them from using gear, but english faculty the Campus Police office words students don't members left quietly. Others awaiting bail to be set.

discriminating against Double- day for his lack of a doctoral Yes folks. You asked for'it, you got it. The No-Tell Motel of• decree was "ludicrous." Continued from page 3 Continued from page 1 fers fabulous fun at a low, low price. You can rent a room with "Besides, If he had stayed in mirrored ceilings, heart-shaped commodes, your very own baby whether or not they should ask In his grievance, Doubleday for closer parking. school instead of pursuing a oil dispener and one week's supply of candied underwear (only cited discrimination against him career as ah Amway salesman, if you call today), for the unheard of price of $69.99. So if mom Furthermore, nothing was in several areas, including not we wouldn't have this-problem, has been raggin' you for squeaking your bed late at night, or decided and a committee was being permitted to participate would we?" said Crandon. if (lad is complaining that you're stealing his rubbers — get out appointed to look Into the mat• on the basket-ball team, no part of the house fool! We got the pad of your dreams right here ter. Subsequently, more Infor• in organizing History Day on A ruling from the union is ex• on campus. And if you act soon and pay only $5 extra, we'll mation will be forthcoming if campus, and not being allowed pected next week, "and not too even take out the two-way mirror. the committee can decide if and to teach his favorite class, 30 soon, either," said Doubleday. when it will meet. Days Under William Henry "The sooner these guys get off During next month's meeting Harrison. their pedestals, the sooner we fight promoter Don King is Department chairman Dr. can whip the English Depart• scheduled to address the Ralph Crandon said the idea of ment at basketball. I've got a Senate. the faculty members mean slam dunk, you know." 5 THE GERMBAR APRIL 1, 1988

rent, but neither expressed any nod and then slowly Joni ed on the linguini with clam certainty of the individual faculty brought the receiver to her ear. sauce, baked potato and a member responsible. Her face was emotionless but Coke. Both dinners included Continued from page 1 The two dedicated journalists for an instant before a look of ut• the salad bar. WANTED left again — and crossed on the cautiously proceeded to the ter dread crept over her face; in• Used prophylactics. green. theater faculty wing of Bliss deed, over her entire being. Those from mass orgies Because of the story they had Hall. The halls were eerily As she dropped the receiver and one-night stands a just covered, they had surmis• deserted. After knocking on to the floor like a hot potato, definite plus. Will pay top ed that the most obvious motive several doors and receiving no those close by could hear Def dollar. No diseases, Continued from page 1 for such crippling violence was response, they noticed the faint Leppard's '' Photograph'' please. Especially looking the recently born conflict bet• strains of, ironically, Def Leo• emanating from the phone. Dr. Marcus Hamburger said to complete the 1968 Tro• ween undergraduate theater pard filtering out into the other• Joni swooned and Jamie's the situation was -'totally incom- jan collection. Will trade students and several members wise silent hallways. lightning-fast reactions allowed prehensible. There has to.be a as well. Have complete of the theater faculty. Either Undaunted, they each check• him to catch her in his strong screw up. We did not intend to Woodstock set. Call that, or it was the result of Rock ed their respective restrooms. arms before she hit the floor. plagiarize. Who changed that 742-RUBR. Ask for Lurch. •n Roli. Finding no one, they returned to She soon recovered and told definition, anyway?" the ever hustling and bustling the others that her's and Say Jane Mudwater and WANTED Jambar office, where the Jamie's lives had been severe• As punishment, Dumphrey Tadd Pole, senior theater ma• Good-looking males or editors^are good looking, the ly threatened if they continued ordered the history faculty to jors wishing to use their talent females to share four- reporters above average. their investigation. obtain a degree in a real major, and other resources for a bedroom house. Non- As they relayed their recent go out and experience life for a student-produced show, their Just at that moment, Carolyn smokers only, no pets, no adventure to their wide-eyed day, and then write a report on attempts at a successful project Martindale, Jambar adviser, children. Residents must audience, every Jambar staff what they learned. Dumphrey have been stymied by jealous burst through the door like live in the buff. Don't be member could do naught but also urged them to do their own faculty members. Wonder Woman with a temper shy, give buff housing a stop and stand in awe, cap• writing. "Ever since Tadd and I birth- and firmly announced that she try! For more information, tivated by the bravery of these ed the idea last quarter, we've had already called the FBI and call 742-BUFF. gotten nothing but negative two modern-day Audie Murphys that they would be by im• having survived the day's perils. mediately to assume control of feedback from our mentors," One history faculty member PETE As they were finishing their the investigation and take Joni said Mudwater. Pole continued does not have to adhere to the Why dp you have to be epic tale, the phone rang, shat• and Jamie to dinner... "They've even threatened to ruling since his 50 cents is be• such a nerctand act the tering the mood like a boulder hold our diplomas if we persist That evening, at a certain ing held at the University's mail way you. do? Everything falling off a cliff and splashing in pursuing this project." Niles restaurant, Jamie ordered room. His request for a doc• could be nice if you only into the Colorado River. Nobody Both speculated that the the Seafood Platter, French torate degree only had a 22 wouldn't fake your moved. faculty wouldn't hesitate to per• fries and a tall, sobering glass cent stamp instead of a 25 cent orgasms. Better luck next form such an act of unparallel• Joni looked at the phone. of milk. Joni, after several stamp. time. ed gruesomeness as a deter• Then at Jamie. Jamie gave a changes of mind, finally decid• PENNY

*If you think this issue is immature you're right! here are the people who brought it to you:g

- -- f jjgjg^ - " iV'mT ~~ l- ' JBWBMMWBWMim " iw—WB Jg Dance Ensemble prepares to go to school

YSU — The Modern Dance Ensemble at YSU is Wagman said the program can be performed rehearsing a program which will be offered free in a variety of facilities, including gymnasia and to a number of area schools beginning in April. multi-purpose rooms.

The 45-minute performance is designed for Performing dates are available on Friday after• kindergarten through sixth grade and will include noons from late April until early June. No fee will a lecture-demonstration about the art of dance be charged but donations to help cover expenses plus a modern dance mini-concert. will be accepted.

The program is directed by Joan S. Wagman, Interested schools should contact Wagman at H&PE, who is artistic director of the Dance 742-3658, or Dr. Susan DeBlois, FOE, at Ensemble. Guest choreographers who contributed 742-7150. to the program are: Kathy Short- Gracenin and Roberta Kjelgaard. Wagman, who combines her expertise as a choreographer and educator, taught children's Wagman said the young audiences will learn dance in the Boston area before coming to YSU about the training of a dancer as the ensemble as a dance teacher. demonstrates their "warm-up" process. They will also learn about the basic elements of dance— time, space and movement quality — through observation, discussion and participation. If you're looking for the bottom line to a question, look no further than The Jambar. The dances to be performed cover themes Jim Phillips has joined The Jambar staff as children can identify with, such as blue jeans, a columnist to answer your questions about monkeys, Indians and forms of transportation. YSU. Anyone with a question about the cam• pus, organization^, events, etc. can write to The touring company will • include eight Sure-footed steppers: Members of YSU's Modern Dance Jim and he'll do his best to answer them. dancers, most of them YSU students. They are: Ensemble is rehearsing a program it will present this spring to Drop off questions in care of The Bottom Monica Armentrout, Kay Cook, Michelle Lenson, area elementary schools. In this number are, clockwise from Line at The Jambar offices. • Ruth Smrek, Betsy "Bryan, Kenneth Hernandez, left: Monica Armentrout; Ruth Smrek; Betsy Bryan and Michelle Joyce Kacar and Paula Mays, Lenson.

sponsor ? £"ficc $ei YSU — The Fred Lite Quartet cooperation with Student alumnus Ralph Lalama < on Orchestra. will be guest artists at a free, Government. During the last tenor saxophone. He graduated Others in the quartet are: in Bliss Hah public jazz concert at 8 p.m. portion of the program, YSU's in 1975 with a Bachelor's Degree drummer Fred Lite, who cur• April 4 in the Chestnut Room of Jazz Ensemble I will combine in Music Education and was an rently resides in Flushing, N. Y.; for nrouo Kilcawley Center. with the quartet. outstanding member of the Jazz bassist John Ray; and pianist •Ensembles. Keith Saunders, who formerly The program is being spon• Featured performer with the Lalama, who works out of, played with saxophonist Richie sored by the YSU Jazz Society in Fred Lite Quartet will be YSU New York City, is currently a Cole. member qf the Mel Lewis Jazz Guest artist for the next Jazz Orchestra. He has played with Society concert on April 27 will a number of jazz greats, in• be pianist Hal Galper, who has cluding Buddy Rich, Woody been featured with saxophonist Herman and the Glenn Miller Phill Woods. Spring Street Mail Thursday, April 7 11:30 a.m. -1:00 p.m.

HTENSTEIN

- ilh Ttaj* \i }i Dip Appearing at: Friday Aprii t, Irish Bobs (South Ave.) BU If lit » Saturday April 2, Yukon Jacks (422 Niles) Monday April 4£ The Boathouse I i iht sir fpm 1 (Rt. 224 Boardman-Poland Rd.) \ i i tv t !M n J\K (Annual Anniversary Party) I ' < i \ w t •> r» il'l (216) 799-3106 For Bookings ( f fir u V, i Review Butler announces opening works feature garish color YOUNGSTOWN, — American Kuhn was born in 1877 and By BRIAN RAMSEY they could solve the problems of the script by artist Walt Kuhn loved the cir• lived until 1949. He worked as Jambar Reporter changing the location of the movie to Miami cus and the theater. a commercial artist in New York ,Beach. The problem is there is not enough of It's evident in the bold im• City and. took the first name, a story and not enough jokes to pull this thing Break out the Gravy Train! Here comes this agery and garish colors of his Walt, around the turn of the together. year's biggest dog yet. paintings and drawings which century. What typically It's Police Academy 5 and it stinks. The jokes With Steve Guttenberg gone as the lovable are currently on exhibit at the distinguishes Kuhn's painting aren't funny, the gags aren't funny and even but obnoxious Mahoney, and no reasonable Butler Institute of American Art style is the use of a bold, almost the situation isn't funny. script left to work with, the rest of the Police until April 24. cartoonlike outline which The story is premised on the malicious Cap• Academy gang just can't carry this movie. Kuhn earned credit, as one delineates the figures in his tain Mauser, still trying to take over the who domesticated art in portraits. Metropolitan Police Academy. Commandant This film shouldn't have been made unless, America. He lived during a time Twenty-one oil paintings and Lasarde has reached mandatory retirement or until, a script was ready for it. It is so bad, when collecting art became par• 15 works on paper are included age, but bumbles his way through and wins the you should not see it' now in the theater or waste ticularly fashionable among in this exhibition, organized by day in the end. your money' renting it when it comes out in wealthy Americans and thus the Walt Kuhn Gallery, Gape Apparently the movie's producers thought video. worked many years as a consul• Neddick, Maine. tant to private collectors. Kuhn advised such notables as The Butler is open Tuesday The bi-woekly Mr. and Mrs. AvereU Harriman through Sunday. Tours are and Lillie P; Bliss. His eye for available by special arangement. entertainment feature good art was keen. The Bliss col• Admission and parking are free. known as Center lection, for example,- later The museum is handicapped- Stage is a section that became the nucleus for the accessible/ For more informa• spotlights both local Museum of Modern Art. tion, call 743-1711. and regional bands Many types of bands have boon Entertaining ideas? featured so far throughout the If so contact Joni Dobranat TheJambardtticear&A\a&. 1989.: 1987-88 school yoar. Center Stage has showcased different TRAVEL... kinds of music from reggae to rock, from to the Eastern Psychological Association; heavy metal to hard Conference in Buffalo, New York core and oven Top April 22-24 For more information, (f ycu would like your band to no contact the Psychology Club '- t: * " in DeBartolo Hall rV: • in This event is co-sponsored by ^- bar.

You are invited to participate in YSU's

Bernie Appugliese and Ruth Ann Janis star as Billy Lawlor and Peggy Sawyer in the Youngstown Playhouse produc• tion of 42nd Street, currently running at the Playhouse located on Glenwood Avenue in Youngstown. April 11-15,1988 BOUSLOUGH ART SUPPLY "Your Complete Art Store" * Cultural Display Booths * Live Entertainment * 24 N. Phelps Youngstown, Ohio Located 5. minutes from YSU... * Films * Awards Dinner * Student Discussions * (between Commerce and Federal Streets) 743-7558 10% DISCOUNT TO STUDENTS! Sponsored by: Complete line of Winsor and Newton products An EXTRA 5% OFF with this ad! Hispanic Awareness Week Committee, Los Buenos Vecinos, Minority Student Services FRAMES AND PRINTS Special Events Committee of Student Government / Located below Bouslough Art Supply Custom Framing and Original Prints...Corporate Sales For further information contact: Ed Twyman at 742-7175 Ready Made Metal Frames Student Discounts on Matting and Framing! 747-2800 Hours: Mon.-Fri. 9-5, Sat. 9-3, closed Sundays 14 APRIL 1, 1988

to Penn State, 1-0, 4- By RICK GEORGE ble. Two batters later Funge scored Sotlar with a single. Jambar Sports Reporter YSU had another chance to score in the seventh when they had bases loaded and only one out. Nothing materialized and Penn State The YSU men's baseball team, fresh off their Spring Break road tied the game in the bottom half of the . trip, lost two tough games to Penn StateTuesday by the scores of The game was tied going into the bottom of the ninth. PSU 1-0 and 4-3. started the inning off when their first man up got on through an In the first game of the doubleheader, Jim Timko pitched a three- error. He was then sacrificed to second and scored three batters hitter despite picking up the loss. The only in the game was later. <> ' a by Penn State in the second inning. YSU left three men Joe Herubin started the game and was charged with the only on base which included a triple in the first inning by Robert earned run. The loss went to reliever Doug Harrah despite not giv• Armstrong. ing up an earned run. In the second game YSU lost 4-3 despite having a 3-2 lead. Penn Despite the losses Co-Head Coach Scott Knox is not pressing the State opened the scoring in the third inning when they took a 1-0 panic button. He said his team is young and they are still learning. lead. Knox said, "Timko pitched well against Penn State and McCart played a good second game going two for three." The Penguins tied the game in the fifth when Brian Funge started Knox also said the team didn't hit well in the first game and gave the inning off with a walk. Dave Ifft followed with a sacrifice, then away the second game on a freak play. Knox continued, 1(We should Shawn McCart moved Funge to third with a single, /orm DePiore have at least came away with a split." He said they should practice knocked in Funge for the Penguins* first run. more on their fundamentals and base-running since they are not Penn State, regained the lead in the bottom half of the inning. a home run hitting team. JIM TIMKO YSU got back the lead in the sixth when Armstrong walked with The Penguins fell to 2-10 with the losses. Their next game is Satur• ...pitches well against Penn St one out and stole second. Jim Sotlar scored Armstrong on his dou• day at Hiram in a doubleheader. Athletics are Jambar picks in

wind up for the 1987 season. picked to repeat their 1986 get the nod for the team to take hopes to repeat. But solid By BRIAN J. MACALA . To say we failed was an American League champion the division crown in 1988. Jesse starters, led by Jack Morris, and Jambar Sports Editor understatement. The eventual performance and ended up the Barfield, and a good hitting attack will keep A little over a year ago, The world champs for 1987, the season in fifth place. George Bell compose the best the Tigers in the pennant'race;" Jambar sports staff offered its Minnesota Twins, were Well, once again we put your outfield in baseball. Solid star- Despite the return of Billy predictions as to how the Major somehow seen as a sixth place title of baseball experts on the ting'pitching and depth in the Martin as manager, look for the League Baseball races would team. The Boston Red Sox were line again and offer our 1988 bullpen makes Toronto look like to place preview the team to beat. fourth this year. Like the other HUGS PANDA TI HUGS PANDA TI and predictions. Today we scout top three teams in the division, Were you involved in TI or the American League and Tues• Should Toronto falter, look the Yankees feature a Murderers* day we'll take a look at the Na• Row line-up, led by Don Mat- any other prevenjtion,. pro• for the Boston Red Sox to tional League side. move into the top spot. To shore tingly. They suffer however in a gram in high school? Would No division in baseball has up a weak pen for 1988, the Red lack of quality starting pitching. you like to be involved on the seen more hotly contested races Sox made a big off-season ac• Don't look for the Yanks to. college level? Are you in• in the past few years than the quisition in acquiring Lee Smith cover up mediocre pitching with terested in a substance abuse American League East. It's from the Chicago Cubs. The the long ball. prevention program on this degree of competition that Bosox have top-notch starters in It was an up-and-down year will carry over again to 1988. Roger Clemens, Bruce Hurst campus? for the last Out of the seven teams in the and Oil Can Boyd. An awesome year, and look for this situation For details, call Beth — East, five have championship hitting attack, led by batting to carry over to 1988. The Substance Abuse Services at 742-3322 caliber clubs. champ Wade Boggs, will make Brewers are viable contenders Last year's runner-up in the the Red Sox a force to be reckon• with a good pen, fair pitching HUGS PANDA . . . TI . . . HUGS . . . PANDA . . . TI past, the Toronto Blue Jays ed with. ' and offensive punch, but the starting staff lacks depth and the Another team with a Brewers fail to have a consistant legitimate shot is last year's AL long ball threat. These deficien• East champs, the Detroit cies will doom the Brew Crew to Tigers. The off-season loss of the fifth spot. Kirk Gibson and lack of a con- Everyone looked to the sistant stopper in the pen will Cleveland Indians to be the put a damper on the Tigers' See Preview, page 15

Keep your tan year round! YSU Student Special..,. TRAVEL... to the Midwestern Psychological Association Conference in Chicago EVERY regular tanning package and hair service April 29 -Mayl with student 1.D. For more information, Offer valid thru 4-30-88 contact the Psychology Club 1714 Boardman - Poland Rd., Poland. OH in DeBartolo Hall ^SZMA-. (216) 757-3751 This event is co-sponsored by By MARK S. ARP seventh inning, Chris In the second game, Julie smacked a double. than last season. Jambar Sports Reporter Timko reached base on a single Croft assumed the mound duties Head Coach Ed Strauss was In response to the pitching, and later, went on to score the as the Penguins were shut out, optimistic about his team's pro• Strauss said, "Our pitching The YSU softball team dipped orily YSU run on a wild pitch. 7-0. gress thus far. "Our girls are hit• has really been decent up to the to 2-2 after dropping 2-1 and 7-0 OSU pitcher Tami Calvin The Buckeyes shelled Croft, ting the ball well; they're just second game. Julie (Croft) had decisions to the Ohio State stifled the would-be rally by for six runs in the first two inn• hitting in tough luck. We a tough time in the first two in• Buckeyes in Columbus on striking out the next three ings with the help of two errors haven't been popping the ball up nings, but she regrouped to pitch Wednesday. Penguin batters after Debbie from the Penguin defense. much; we're hitting line shots or the rest of the game really well." Thornton drew a walk after Centerfielder Maria Penza led on the ground, but we. just Ruth Pleskovic took to the Timko. the Penguin offense going two haven't been able to; find the The Penguins will take to the mound for the Penguins in the Along with Timko, Elaine for three, connecting for two gaps." road Saturday to duel Walsh first game, surrendering eight Jacobs and Zina Abbas each singles while rightfielder Debbie Strauss went on to say that the College. hits to the Buckeye batters. smacked singles for. the Thornton contributed a single team's hitting, at .this point in Trailing by a 2-0 count in the Penguins. and leftfielder Diane Hoagland the season is considerably better Intramural Beat KNOLLS PAINT CENTER the West is the Oakland compensate for weak power. 5329 Mahoning Ave. Youngstown, OH. 44515 Deadlines set for Athletics. The A's have the bats Should the starting staff come 792-6517 (Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco together around ace, Mark : Continued from page 14 spring activities and Dave Parker(and the arms Langston, the Mariners could i By GEORGE CAMBOURiS surprise team of 1987, but the (Dave Stewart, Bob Welch and challenge for the top spots in the Jambar Sports Reporter Tribe surprised no one and Curt Young) to run away with West." ! • YOUR FRIENDLY STORE finished dead last. Look for the the division. The lack of a con• The beat is back but to the Tribe to have problems avoiding sistent fireman is the only chink Everyone expected big things 'beat* of a different drummer. I the basement again. A total lack in their armor. out of the last will be taking over as intramural of pitching, either starting or in year, but they failed to come up' ( OFF writer for George Rusnak, who relief, to support a good offen• Behind the A's will be the with the arms to carry them to r 1 moat Items is off soon to serve.our Uncle sive attack, doom the Indians to . Bret respectability. A solid hitting at- Sam. , a sixth place finish. Saberhagen, Charlie Leibrandt tack suffers at the lack of any , Intramural entry deadlines and Floyd Bannister will give pitching, either starting or relief. must be submitted to Room 302 Bringing up the rear are the the Royals plenty of pitching STUDENT of Beeghly prior to Monday, Baltimore Orioles. The once- support, but they, like the A's, A team on its way down is the/, DISCOUNT April 28, for the following sports proud Oriole tradition of fine lack the bullpen stopper. George California Angels. Wally for men and women: riflery, pitching is all but dead. The Brett, Kevin Seitzer and Danny Joyner showed he can swing the j COUPON swim meet, darts doubles and staff is just a shade better than Tartabull lead a sometimes big bat, but the rest of the team! pickleball doubles. Cleveland's. The little fire weak offensive unit. failed to pick up on his example. Grumbacher .Practice begins for riflery the power the O's do have is not Lack of pitching and a mediocre Wm. Alexander first week of May while com• enough to carry them out of the Defending champion, the pen puts the Angels among the petition begins the following cellar. Minnesota Twins, who surpris• also-rans in the West. Art Supplies

week. Swim meet, begins on ed everyone last year, shouldn't • ^ . ' , Duncan April 29 with a meeting prior to The American League West repeat this year. The Twins* bate Bringing Up the rear will be Ceramic Supplies the meet. Darts begin on May 9 continues to be the weak sister rival anyone's in the AL, but the . Like with coaches meeting on April division of the AL. The East lack of any starter past World so many teams in the West, the ; KNOLLS PAINT CENTEf 21 and 28. Pickleball play begins dominates the West year-in and Series MVP Frank Viola, will Chisox lack both starting and May 16 with coaches meeting year-out. Look for this trend to prevent the Twins from relief pitching, all of which serve , April 21 and 28. continue. Despite the Twins tak• repeating their 1987 a feeble hitting attack. For further information con• ing the world title last year, and performance. 20% cerning intramural sports, visit barring some miracle, don't look The surprise team in the West The AL champs? Look to OFF the Intramural Office at Room for the 1988 AL champ to come could be the Seattle Mariners. Toronto to make the 1988 fall 30& Beeghly or call 742-3488. out of the West. Under Dick Williams; the classic an international affair for MOST ITEMS Until next week...the "beat" The team most likely to take Mariners took the basepaths to the first time. OFFER VAUD ONLY WITH COUPON goes on.

Do you want to earn extra money??? Once Again in Spring Quarter... 1 Search high and low...for a profit!!! In ten presents RECYCLE FOR CASH!

WE BUY ALUMINUM BEVERAGE CANS 45* per lb. Student organizations are welcome to have display WE ALSO BUY GLASS BOTTLES OF ALL KINDS 2* per lb. tables, or sponsor a form of cultural entertainment. Contact Federation of International Students c/o ISSO, Box 222, YSU, Youngstown, Ohio 44555 703 Wilson Ave. 744-4191 This event is co-sponsored by ) Mon. - Fri. 8:00 - 4:30, Sat. 8:00 - Noon wrap-ups will be noon Thursday for Tuesday's paper and noon Tuesday for'Friday's paper. Please only submit events that will occur withing Counseling Services — Workshop: "Procrastination", a one-week period. Each wrap-up will be run only 2 p.m., Room 2057, Kilcawley. once. If you wuld like the wrap-up run more than once, please re-submit the wrap-up. Association for Computing Machinery — Guest Speaker: Ron Oliver, 4:30-5:30 p.m., Room 221, Counseling Services — Workshop: "Managing Meshel Hall. Anger", 1 p.m., Room 2057, Kilcawley. Remember: deadlines for Jambar Wrap- Ups are: Cooperative Campus Ministry — Good Friday Ser• Only those wrap-ups dealing with a specific, dated noon Thursday for Tuesday's paper vice, 12:10, Scarlet Room, Kilcawley. University function will be run. The deadlinesfor noon Tuesday for Friday's paper

Assault Continued from page 1 The shorter of the two then slapped the victim several times and both ran in the direction of the campus. According to the report, the victim said he believes one of the suspects had a weapon in his hand. The first suspect was describ• ed as being a black male between 17-18 years old and approx• *1 imately 5 feet 4 inches tall to 5 feet 6 inches tall. The victim said he had a medium build, a close- In M:«J9 erahon with Student Government chopped afro, dark complexion and clean-shaven face. presents He was last seen wearing a dark blue or black sweatshirt and blue jeans. " • ; .. The second jsuspect was also a black' male between 17-18 years featuring old, and was approximately 5 feet 8 inches tall to 5 feet 9 in• ches 'tall. He also had a close- chopped afro, dark complexion and. clean-shaven face. and This suspect was 'last seen wearing a red hooded sweatshirt and blue jeans. YSU JAZZ ENS. I Blevins Continued from page 1 MONDAY, APRIL 4. 1988 Blevins' mother was indicted for tampering with evidence and r ROOM, KILCAWLEY CEN obstructing justice. A murder conviction carries a 8:00pm prison sentence of 15-years-to- life. If convicted of aggravated murder, Blevins may face the electric chair at Lucasville. If Fortunato is convicted, she may face a prison term of one- to-two years for tampering with free and open to the publi evidence and possibly six-to-18 months0 for obstructing justice. Blevins was charged with the murder of Drake Feb. 22. Drake was found bound with duct tape Jazz workshop at 3:00pm and stabbed 50 times with a pair of scissors in the Austintown home of Dr. Timothy Lyons. in Bliss 2036 Drake had been house sitting for the former dean of YSU's School of Fine and Performing Arts. Lyons resigned his position as dean after reports were releas• ed that Blevins was Lyons' former lover.