CYBERPSYCHOLOGY & BEHAVIOR Volume 3, Number 5, 2000 Mary Ann Liebert, Inc.

Feminist Views of : Victimization, Liberation, and Empowerment

NICOLA DÖRING, Ph.D.

ABSTRACT

Cybersex can be defined as a social interaction between at least two persons who are ex- changing real-time digital messages in order to become sexually aroused and satisfied. This article first describes video- and text-based cybersex as a new kind of sexual encounter with its own particularities. Then the feminist literature on cybersex is reviewed revealing two ba- sic perspectives: The victimization perspective interprets cybersex as a heterosexist practice, and focuses on how women and girls as individuals and as a group are harmed by online ha- rassment, virtual , and cyberprostitution. From this viewpoint it is the (heterosexual) male who seeks cybersex and forces it on the female, who is supposed to be online for all kinds of reasons but surely not for sexual ones. The liberation perspective, in contrast, focuses on the options computer-mediated communication offers women and girls who actively seek sex- ual pleasure online: Looks don’t matter, it’s easy to find mates, anonymity minimizes social

control, the physical distance between the parties, and the computer’s off switch prevent dan- gerous or harmful situations. From that viewpoint, cybersex frees females to explore their sex- ualities more safely and to enjoy more sex, better sex, and different sex. This article criticizes both the victimization and the liberation perspective and offers an integrative empowerment perspective that acknowledges power discourse as an essential sexual issue online and off- line.

INTRODUCTION criticizes the one-sidedness of both models and suggests combining them to an empowerment HATKINDOFINFLUENCE does cybersex model. Whave on gender roles? The feminist liter- ature on the subject is controversial: some re- ject cybersex because it contributes to the CYBERSEX subordination of women under men and masculine sexualities (victimization model). What do we mean by cybersex? Unfortu- Others welcome cybersex, as it assists women nately, much of the feminist literature on cy- in freeing themselves from patriarchal norms bersex skips a systematic explanation of termi- and exercising control over their own sexuali- nology as well as a detailed description of the ties and lives (liberalization model). This paper phenomenon and immediately proceeds to

Department of Media and Communication Research, Ilmenau University of Technology, Ilmenau, Germany.

863 864 DÖRING blanket evaluations. But evaluations need to be whereby some are extensive first-hand narra- grounded on an empirically-supported de- tives,9–14 and some are short statements and scription of the subject in order to be able to case descriptions which can be found in fact claim validity. This article therefore first dif- and advice books 15–19 as well as in online fo- ferentiates among the various forms of cyber- rums.20 sex and describes them in greater detail. Cybersex is often used as a collective term Technical conditions for all sorts of sexually related entertainment, information and personal contact offers avail- Computer-mediated interpersonal interac- able in computer Networks respective “in cy- tion can take place by means of berspace.” This broad term “cybersex” covers technology, online video conferences or digital so many different activities and contents that it text exchange. Accordingly, dependent on the is of practically no use for the social scientific technical conditions under which it takes place, discourse as long as individual phenomena are three forms of cybersex can be distinguished. not differentiated from one another. In a nar- Each of these forms allows (or does not allow) row sense, cybersex is understood to be a com- for specific ways of expressing desire. The three puter-mediated interpersonal interaction in forms are: virtual reality-based cybersex, which the participants are sexually motivated, video-based cybersex and text-based cybersex. meaning they are seeking and satisfaction. The terms compusex, online sex, Virtual reality-based cybersex. Entering into a modemsex, Netsex, virtual sex, Net-sleazing or three-dimensional, audiovisual, and tactile vir- cybering are also used. Cybersex is not a hu- tual reality via a full-body data suit and data man-machine interaction and therefore clearly helmet, expressively for the purpose of cyber- differs from solo sex in that it is a social hap- sex is a scenario that has often been discussed pening: solitary fantasizing and/or use of erot- but is still far from being reality. 21–24 The cur- ica do not have to include an active partner, but rent bandwidth of the Net is not wide enough within the course of cybersexual interactions to transmit such huge amounts of data in real the participants must continually adapt to one time, nor do interface devices currently exist another, they experience , rapport, and that could provide a pleasant or even orgiastic enthusiasm as well as rejection, misunder- tele-stimulation of the entire body, including standing or violation of personal boundaries. the sexual organs. (Computer-mediated remote They do not just participate in a shared pro- control of sex toys that simulate the penis, duction of text but also let each other know mouth, or is possible, however. These about their sexual motivation, arousal and per- devices are marketed as or cy- haps even both masturbate at their computers berdildonics. Systematic studies or descrip- at the same time. Cybersex is therefore not a tions of actual experiences with these devices conversation about sex, but is a form of sexual unfortunately are not yet available.) encounter in itself. This article concentrates on cybersex in the Video-based cybersex. In video-based cybersex narrower sense of the word. But even cybersex the participants make contact with one another in its narrower sense is not a homogenous phe- via online video conferences. An online video nomenon. On the contrary, there are different conference session becomes video-based cy- forms of cybersex, each with its own psy- bersex when sexually motivated participants chosocial implications, dependent on not only take off their clothing, expose their bodies (es- the technical conditions under which it takes pecially their sexual organs), and watch each place, but also dependant upon the internal so- other during . 25,26 Video-based cial conditions and the external social condi- cybersex is primarily about exhibitionist and tions. The analytical reconstruction of the phe- voyeurist desires. In addition to the video nomenon proposed here is based on the results transmission, an audio or text dialogue may of surveys, 1,2 interviews, 3–7 and field studies. 8 also take place. In order to participate in online In addition, it also refers to personal narratives, video conferences, a computer networked with FEMINIST VIEWS OF CYBERSEX 865 a video camera, a microphone and the corre- embody via our written self-descriptions, only sponding software are necessary (e.g., CU- we must adapt them to the theme of the re- SeeMe). Because online video conferences are spective MUD. generally used only by a small minority of the In addition to text-based MUDs, there are also Net community (as opposed to chatting, which graphic MUDs. In graphic MUDs the partici- is very popular) video-based cybersex plays a pants are represented through graphic images significantly smaller role than text-based cy- (e.g., a photo or a comic figure). Graphic MUDs bersex. Accordingly, it is seldom mentioned in are not, at their current level of technical devel- the scientific literature on cybersex. opment, suited to cybersexual interaction be- cause the graphic representations (so-called Text-based cybersex. Text-based cybersex is avatars) are hardly capable of movement. 32 based on a very quick exchange of short and Interpersonal text-based interactions in a explicit text messages. A computer-mediated MUD consist of verbal comments in first-per- text dialogue becomes text-based cybersex son singular (Legion: “Hi, how are you?”) and when the participants describe body character- of virtual actions in the third-person singular istics to one another, verbalize sexual actions (Legion cuddles you). In addition, every inter- and reactions, and make believe that the vir- personal interaction sequence in a MUD is also tual happenings are real. During text-based cy- determined by the surroundings in which it bersex, participants can neither see nor hear, takes place. As such, tinysex could, for exam- neither smell, nor taste, nor touch each other. ple, take place on a spaceship, in a dungeon, or Instead, that which often remains unspoken in a forest glade. The sexual partners would must be put into words. Text-based cybersex then be confronted with the special character- requires the verbalization of sexual desire to an istics or inhabitants of those virtual locations— extent completely unheard of in face-to-face en- be it aliens, robbers, or mosquitoes. Of course, counters. This verbalization includes not only the type of virtual characters in which people detailed wording but also the written expres- are represented also determine how erotic/sex- sion of sexual sensations, whereby one’s own ual feelings and gestures can be best expressed: statements are mirrored for one to see on the the virtual embodiment of a unicorn lends it- monitor. An entire row of services for real time self to different gestures than does that of an text exchange are available in computer net- elf, a female warrior, or a Siamese tom cat. But works, whereby Multi User Domain/Dimen- even in human embodiment, MUDs open a sion/Dungeon (MUDs) and chats are the most whole new realm of possibilities: appearance, relevant for cybersex encounters. Accordingly, clothing and body strength can be newly de- from a technical perspective, two sub-forms of fined, interesting possessions and dwellings text-based cybersex can be differentiated: tiny- can be acquired. Many MUDs offer play rooms sex and hot chat. which are furnished just for sexual purposes. Tinysex is the term for text-based cybersex that takes places in a MUD. 27–31 A MUD is a Lady’s Orgy Room in LambdaMOO computer-created, interactive text environment in which many persons simultaneously inter- [telNet lambda...org:8888] act with one another and with the objects in [Connect guest] their virtual (i.e., nonmaterial, purely informa- Logging you in as ‘Blue_Guest’ tional) environment. MUDs can be classified [@go Lady’s Orgy Room] according to their themes and functions as well as their programming languages. The term Lady’s Orgy Room: The first thing you notice are several restraints in the room and chains tinysex is derived from an early family of hanging from the ceiling. You smell the soft MUDs known as TinyMUDs. If a person logs scent of sex from what went on here not long into a MUD via TelNet, World Wide Web, or a ago. In fact, you can almost hear the screams MUD-Client, she is then represented there by of pleasure bouncing off the walls. You notice a virtual person or a virtual being. We can a four-post bed with silky sheets. A sign on freely choose the type of virtual character we the south wall notes: NO MEN ALLOWED!!!! 866 DÖRING

Type “help here” for features and commands seen. In comparison to MUDs there is no an in- on this room. Exits lead west to Sensual teractive environment and almost no descrip- Respites and northwest to the Sex Room. tion of persons or objects. Sometimes hot chat Faustine, Autumn and hippie_girl are here. takes place in a forum in front of an audience, Blue_Guest arrives. but as a rule the participants withdraw from Autumn says, “Hi Blue!” forums to direct person-to-person Net connec- [say oh, hi] tions. You say, “oh, hi” 36 Autumn smiles at you. Jointly developed hot chat scenarios can be [:smiles at Autumn] very similar to everyday life (“We are in your Blue_Guest smiles at Autumn. bedroom, on the bed. I’m slowly undressing [look Autumn] you . . .”) and may even limit themselves to the Autumn factual description of the cybersex scenario it- About five and a half feet tall with straight self (“I’m in my office, the door is locked. Chat- hair the colour of Autumn leaves hanging ting with you makes me so hot. I am touching just past her shoulders. She is dressed in a myself now . . .”). The explicit reference to re- black and brown patterned skirt with a ality may include diverse, “remote-controlled” black sweater that is a bit too big. It con- real actions, i.e. requesting one another, via the stantly falls off one shoulder. She is bare- computer, to put on certain items of clothing, foot, and you notice that she has a tattoo of to assume certain positions, follow certain rules a Celtic design on her left ankle. There is al- ways a slight smile hovering around the cor- or use certain toys. But hot chat might also be ners of her mouth. about shared fantasy scenarios that would be [say Autumn: hey, nice Tattoo :-)] neither desirable or possible to live out. (“We hippie_girl hugs Faustine warmly and offers are in a health club doing our workouts, only her a joint. we’re both totally nude . . .”). you say, “Autumn: hey, nice Tattoo :-)” While the characteristics of the surroundings Autumn grins, stretches her left leg gracefully play an important role in the virtual actions in and kicks you in the butt. tinysex, direct speech is predominant in hot [laugh] chat. Though with the help of a vivid fantasy You fall down laughing. it is possible to conjure up virtual surroundings hippie_girl giggles. even during a chat session, be it a sophisticated [:removes her blue dress and her shoes] historical backdrop or the realistic description Blue_Guest removes her blue dress and her shoes. of a bedroom. The participants can likewise [sit on bed] vary their virtual embodiment: the person sit- You pull back the top silk sheet of the bed and ting at the computer might project themselves slip under it, feeling the fabric caress your into cyberspace in their real body, with the skin. clothes they are actually wearing, but they Autumn follows you to the bed. might also make significant changes so that they embody the ideal beauty norms. They Hot chat is text-based cybersex which takes might take on a certain personification in the place with the help of a chat program. 33–35 Chat sense of a sexual role play. They might change programs are much more simple to use than their sex or . All in all, how- MUDs and are therefore significantly more ever, virtual self-presentation in chatting tends popular. Chat forums can be found on online to be much more realistic than in mudding. services such as AOL and CompuServe as well as on the , where WebChats, Internet Relay Chat-Channels, and the like are avail- Excerpt from a Hot Chat able. During chatting, the real time computer- mediated exchange takes place at a single vir- Ulrike turns the light off. tual meeting place in which only those present, Julien takes off his T-shirt. represented by their chosen nicknames, can be Julien: that’s better. FEMINIST VIEWS OF CYBERSEX 867

Julien: k kissl ter can be part of more or less committed per- Ulrike: giggles sonal relationships. Ulrike snuggles against your warm body Julien snuggles up against you and caresses Prostitutive cybersex. In prostitutive cybersex your . men, women and couples offer to participate in Ulrike asks herself what she should do. actions that primarily or exclusively serve to Ulrike decides to do nothing for now and let sexually stimulate the client in exchange for herself be caressed. Julien: very gently, with only his fingertips. money. Video-based cybersex con- Ulrike feels her hardening sists of online peepshows or online sexshows. Ulrike squeezes Julien’s thigh In some cases the action taking place in front Julien kisses your breasts and nuzzles your of the camera directly follows the client’s nipples with his lips. wishes or commands, as they are communi- Ulrike’s heart beats faster cated in real time to the performing party. Julien: ... a hand is caressing your pussy While observing the cyberprostitutes and chat- Ulrike: it is already wet ting with them, the clientele itself cannot be Julien wonders whether he should type with seen. On one hand, the topics and the course only one hand) of the proceedings in text-based cybersex pros- Julien: (he could support his head with the titution are guided by the sexual interest of the other ... ) customers. On the other hand, they are also Ulrike: I don’t mind Ulrike: (in case you need my permission) guided by the economic interests of the prosti- Julien lays you on your side tutes themselves and/or the people they work Julien: and lays your leg over his hip for or are exploited by. Online peepshows and Ulrike lays her upper leg over his hip online sexshows may only be entered after a Julien moves one hand downward valid credit card number has been filled into an Ulrike: oh no, that’s not right, that position online form, as payment is calculated in units was different ... of time (e.g. 1 dollar per minute). This form of Julien: (agrees to the position of the upper leg) billing is simultaneously an implicit form of Ulrike: the lower leg belongs under your hip age control, as minors do not usually have ac- and you upper leg ... cess to credit cards.

The technical requirements for text-based cy- Private cybersex. Private cybersex consists of bersex are minimal: a networked computer reciprocal manifestations of desire and mutual with the appropriate (usually free) MUD- or sexual enjoyment, economic concerns are not chat-software is enough. Even so, text-based an issue—they are at most an indirect subject cybersex is not an option for everyone with ac- of conversation. Cybersex partners can easily cess to the Internet. Besides an affinity for erotic be found in sexually related videoconference verbalization, quick reading and typing skills, rooms, MUDs, or chat forums. These Net fo- good writing ability and a strong power of rums serve as places to meet and make contact imagination are necessary requirements. with others, they are almost always free of charge. Public actions in front of the entire fo- rum are rare and are often prohibited. Instead Internal social conditions a nonpublic, person-to-person connection is The medium itself does not determine how used for erotic/sexual interaction after meeting video- or text-based cybersex proceeds in indi- in the forum. Private cybersex is sometimes a vidual incidences. Instead, just like other types matter of brief contacts between strangers. of sexual interaction, the individual prefer- Sometimes, however, cybersex takes place ences and skills of the participants and their re- within a gradually developing Net relation- lationship to one another are decisive. A broad ship. The participants may have met one an- distinction can be made between prostitutive other on the Net in very different manners (e.g., cybersex and private cybersex, whereby the lat- via online personal ads or in a scientific mail- 868 DÖRING ing list) and gradually become ever more ex- volved agrees on cybersex activities—or does plicit in the expression of their desires during not agree on them. the course of their growing interpersonal at- traction and trust. Some of these erotic/sexual Cybersex and friendships. Cybersexual contacts cyberrelationships are exclusive, romantic re- and relationships may lead to an estrangement lationships in which actual being together and from friends, for example when these friends living together is desired. Just as in real life, abstain from the Net and/or laugh at, devalue however, such strong emotional involvement or reject the online activities of the person in and commitment imply not only an enormous question. On the other hand, sexual and ro- potential for happiness but also the risk of un- mantic online experiences may set off an inti- happiness—virtual love is capable of breaking mate exchange among on- and offline friends real hearts. Other erotic contacts in the Net from which both the cybersexual contacts and have the status of less committed acquaintance the friendships may benefit. Systematic studies or friendship relationships, especially when on these issues unfortunately have not yet been those involved already have a satisfying part- undertaken. nership outside of the Net. Cybersex partici- pants are sometimes familiar with one an- other’s bodies. Sexually oriented Net contacts VICTIMIZATION often exchange photographs. In close online re- lationships, personal meetings are not unusual. The portrayal of cybersex in the previous sec- In addition, people who know one another per- tions has almost completely avoided the ques- sonally sometimes fall back on cybersex when tion of gender, which we now turn to. If one separated by distance. looks at the feminist literature on cybersex, two contrasting interpretations, victimization and External social conditions liberation, can be filtered from the two domi- nating feminist paradigms (radical feminism Net encounters and Net relationships do not and liberal feminism). The two perspectives exist in and of themselves. They are dependent will first be introduced as convincingly as pos- not only on internal events, but also become a sible, each in its typical pattern of argumenta- more or less central component of a person’s tion. For the construction of these two reviews already existing social network. They are often the arguments from various individual contri- especially relevant to existing partnerships and butions have been combined, structured and in friendships. some cases have been added upon. A critical assessment of the victimization and the libera- Cybersex and partnerships. The question of tion stance will be given later while develop- faithfulness in existing partnerships or mar- ing the empowerment perspective. riages becomes virulent in connection with cy- According to the victimization model, 41–46 bersexual encounters. 37–40 While some couples the ubiquitous heterosexist gender hierarchy is explicitly admit to having cybersexual encoun- reproduced online in an especially problematic ters and do not take them seriously because of manner, as the Net is a part of the computer their virtual nature, others do not make a dis- culture and therefore traditionally a male do- tinction between virtual and real unfaithful- main. It is especially the domain of young, sex- ness. Some undertake cybersex activities to- ually-oriented men, who dominate the Net by gether—watching one another having cybersex virtue of their computer competency and su- with a third party or contacting other couples perior number. They enforce their sexist gen- together on the computer. The type of influence der constructions in many areas, not just in sex- that cybersex has on existing partnerships, ual ones. Resistance is impossible. The Net whether it is experienced as threatening, mean- actually encourages abusive behavior because ingless or enriching, is not a given but always of the anonymity it offers. depends on the manner in which the couple in- According to the victimization model, cy- FEMINIST VIEWS OF CYBERSEX 869 bersex merely appears to be sexual interaction leagues, expartners), it is referred to as cyber- on friendly terms. In reality we are dealing with stalking.54 from strangers online harassment, virtual rape, and cyber- who approach any person with a female nick- prostitution, whereby it is not just the women name occurs regularly. 55 Even men who have immediately involved who are harmed, but all sometimes logged onto Net forums with female women as a group are damaged through the nicknames, and thus personally experienced reproduction and establishment of a sexist im- sexual harassment for the first time, publicly age of women. lament and condemn the distressing behavior of the other members of their gender. Online harassment Virtual rape The amount and variety of sexually related (mostly pornographic) Net contents addressing Male power is exercised not only by means heterosexual men create a sexualized atmos- of unwanted sexual advances, but also during phere in which unwanted sexual advances be- the course of entire virtual interactions. The come more likely. The existence of explicitly widespread assertion that cybersex is a safe and sexually related Net forums, the accompanying controllable event, due to the fact that it is me- expectation that cybersex can be had practically diated, does not apply to women. They can be at the touch of a button, as well as the charac- sexually molested and raped online in situa- teristic anonymity of the medium intensify the tions in which they are not aiming for cyber- already existing problem of sexual harassment. sexual contact as well as in situations in which The fact that a person uses a female nickname they engage in cybersex with an illusionary leads to his/her receiving numerous sexual- feeling of safety. 56 ized inquiries from strangers, even outside of In a typical virtual rape the victim is directly sexually related forums. “How large are your confronted with completely unexpected, mas- boobs?,” “ What are you wearing?,” “ Are you sive sexual aggression. A timely reaction or horny?,” “ Need a fuck?” have become the first avoidance is thus not possible. In some cases private messages to appear on the monitor af- (especially in MUDs), the perpetrators use spe- ter logging on to a chat forum. 47–51 Some Net cific technical characteristics of the MUD sys- users do not stop their harassing behavior even tem to gain control of their victim. 57,58 Even when they are ignored or turned down. As a when body contact does not occur, the sym- rule they have no negative consequences to bolic execution of the action is traumatic, es- fear. pecially because most women have already ex- Women often experience online situations in perienced that is brought to which they are degraded to sex objects by men memory by the virtual rape. Sometimes sexu- interested in cybersex. Not only is their per- alized aggression on the Net is accompanied by sonal dignity attacked, but they also learn that real menace when, for example, the perpetra- the Net is a male world in which they do not tor announces he is going to learn the woman’s have a say. 52 Female Net users are regarded as real identity and locate her personally. 59 The “cyberbabes,” with whom one can have cyber- fact that rape is generally played down or sex. They are on the same level as “ Giffy negated in a heterosexist social order applies Girls,”53 those pornographic pictures of doubly to virtual rape. The happenings are not women distributed online as GIF-files (GIF: “real” and can be dismissed as a joke or a Grafic Interchange Format; also known as game.60 The supposedly controllable media “Girls in Files” in Net jargon). The one-time context contributes to the victim’s being as- sending of obscene or in some manner threat- signed the responsibility for the act, after all, a ening messages and demands is known as on- woman’s participation in online forums is vol- line harassment. When these are sent repeat- untary and she can log off anytime. The fact edly, whereby victim and perpetrator that men can perpetrate anonymously and occasionally know each other (e.g., work col- largely unsanctioned sexualized aggression on- 870 DÖRING line means that not just the women involved the future with the improvement of virtual re- are damaged, but that once again the equality ality technology. 66 This will not just harm the and dignity of all women is undermined. 61 women who are directly (e.g., via trafficking in Rape is not a tragic exception, as the gender women) or indirectly (e.g., through systematic hierarchy is reflected in a continuum of vio- economic disadvantage of women) forced into lence in nonsexual and sexual interactions be- cyber prostitution, but all females. 67 The ubiq- tween men and women. 62 Rape as an act clearly uitous availability of female prostitutes on the against a woman’s will is only the final point Net strengthens, not only among the prosti- of the continuum. More subtle forms of vio- tute’s customers but among all men, the idea lence include sex with only partial or half- that women are sexually available to them. hearted consent, conceded to by women as they Physical distance and the computer-mediated- are often unable to safeguard the equality of ness of the exchange do not make cybersex safe their interests in hierarchical relationships. sex; on the contrary, computer-mediated com- Thus women who engage in cybersex may soon munication increases the opportunity to take find themselves confronted with sexist vocab- advantage of women and to market them, and ulary and fantasies that they are not comfort- thus manifests the gender hierarchy: “ Any able with. Nevertheless, insecurity, the desire technology which promises to lead to an ex- for harmony, the fear of negative reactions or pansion of the cannot be safe for adaptation to sexist clichés according to which women.”68 they are not supposed to give the impression of being inhibited, may lead to women’s ap- LIBERATION parently voluntary submission to degrading sexual practices. It is telling that we find the While the victimization model conceives of following remark regarding cybersex in an ad- female Net users as victims of men’s domi- vice book on cyberromance by and for women: nance and sexual wishes, the liberalization

If you need some ideas about what men want model conceives of them as actors with their women to say or do to them, read a few Pent- own sexual desires. The liberation model as- house letters, or watch a X-rated video. Pre- sumes that cybersex assists women to free tend to be that woman in the centerfold or themselves from patriarchal sexual norms. 69–73 porn flick. (Hey, look at all the money you’ll Accordingly, behavioral norms that limit save on implants.) Most women (if they’re women in the expression of their sexualities no honest about it) have faked an or two. longer apply here (especially in text-based cy- 63 Just fake it on the screen. bersex) as anonymity frees women from social control. They can seek out diverse sexual Cybersex, which reproduces the status of scenes from home, physical distance guaran- women as sex objects and often encourages the tees them protection from infringement and uncensored (supposedly just playfully) living 64 other physical dangers, and due to the lack of out of violent fantasies, should not be cloaked visual feedback they are no longer subject to as sexual enjoyment, but should be unmasked contemporary beauty norms. as an expression of and medium for objectifi- According to the liberalization model, cy- cation and suppression: “ hot chat is chat 65 bersexual interactions help to undermine the .” heterosexist social order and the accompany- ing sexual suppression by making more sex, Cyberprostitution better sex, and different sex available to women Video- and text-based cybersex have created at will. Thus the women directly involved are a new branch of prostitution that can be par- not the only ones to profit. All women profit, taken of at home in the protection of anonymity as women are increasingly seen as self-deter- and thus create an increased demand for pros- mined actors exercising control over their own titution. Cybersex prostitution will expand in sexualities and lives. FEMINIST VIEWS OF CYBERSEX 871

More sex Better sex A number of factors in the heterosexist so- Cybersex is not a substitute for personal to- cial order prevent women from making sexual getherness and skin contact. On the contrary, contacts when and with whom they want. An it is a form of sexual encounter from which the important factor is limited mobility due to re- many qualities of immediate bodily contact are sponsibilities at home as well as fear of in- absent. In exchange, however, it offers special fringement in public places. In addition, ap- features not inherent to face-to-face or body-to- propriate behavior is guided by social controls, body encounters. Cybersex does not typically according to which women are denied the open replace , but it does make sex- expression of their sexualities outside of mar- ual contacts possible in situations in which sex riage or committed heterosexual partnerships. would not otherwise take place, and it brings Restrictive beauty norms concerning figure, together people who would not otherwise have style, bodily integrity and age are another fac- sex with each other. In this context cybersex can tor. For the most part these norms have already be considered “better” sex because, as a sup- been internalized by women. If a woman does plement to nonmediated sex, it opens the door not feel desirable she avoids expressing desire. to new possibilities for women in regards not And finally, sexuality is connected with greater only to quantity but also quality. bodily risks for women than for men (e.g. un- The special features of media (the option of planned , higher risk of infection anonymity, the multitude of sexually related for diverse sexually-transmitted diseases and Net forums) make it easier to freely search for acquired immunodeficiency syndrome (AIDS), and find compatible male and female partners. bodily infringement), which represents a gen- Unpleasant or fruitless contacts are more eas- der-specific hurdle. ily prevented and broken off in the Net than in All of these restrictions are lifted in the Net, real life, with the touch of a key one can rebuff even women tied to their homes can easily find personal inquiries or completely withdraw. male and female partners for cybersex. Negative Anonymity and the absence of audiovisual sanctions in real surroundings are not to be controls create a safe and relaxed atmosphere feared, as long as one acts anonymously, 74 which for text-based cybersex. Feelings that might especially unburdens those women who lead otherwise prove an obstacle to sexual expres- less self-determined lives. When visual contact is sion (shame, shyness, evaluation apprehen- absent, concerns about one’s own appearance sion, and so on) are reduced and sometimes fade into the background and concentration on completely eliminated. Sexual sensations, fan- one’s own desire takes the forefront, 75,76 which tasies, and desires can be revealed more openly is especially beneficial for those women who are and directly which, as everyone knows, in- effected by desexualization in the patriarchal so- creases the chances of their being satisfied. The cial order. No longer having to worry about bod- mutual and reciprocal expression of lust dur- ily integrity is an immense relief for all women ing cybersex pleasantly draw it out, tension is and girls. Thus, through the dismantling of di- built up and maintained over a longer period verse gender-specific restrictions, the Net offers of time than in non-mediated sex. 78 The cyber- women the possibility to make more sexual con- sex experience can be so intense that the par- tacts, provided they wish to do so. ticipants have a cyberorgasm (an orgasm in Being able to collect increasing sexual expe- their mind), meaning a mental or emotional cli- rience and (re-)establishing a as max without a genital orgasm reflex. 79 Genital a result of cybersex are found to be satisfying climaxes through self-stimulation are often and self-confirming in and of themselves. In reached during cybersex, however. addition, positive cybersex experiences can en- The patriarchal sexual norm according to courage more offensive behavior in initiating which sex is primarily heterosexual, vaginal in- sexual activities alone or with others outside of tercourse and real women reach orgasm the Net as well. 77 through vaginal penetration is not applicable 872 DÖRING to cybersex. Women clearly have control over scene, e.g., the lesbian, gay, bisexual, BD their own during cybersex, bodily (bondage/discipline), DS dominance/submis- penetration is out of the question, 80 arousal and sion), SM (sadism/masochism) or swinger satisfaction are derived from an interaction scene to actually access it. Cyberspace offers process that may be limited to text, but re- whole new possibilities for social encounters, garding the addressed desires and themes is of- including sexual experiments. This feature is ten more multidimensional and complete than helpful in the search for one’s sexual identity the act as otherwise practiced. and can support a coming out outside of the While nonmediated sex makes it possible to Net as well. 83 The Net offers theoretical and appear present even though one is mentally or practical exploration of marginalized forms of emotionally absent, the dynamics of text-based sexuality to those who might otherwise be ex- cybersex demand continual activity and con- cluded from such discourses and scenes due to sciously paying attention to one another: “You their location or other social control conditions. can’t just lie back and be a blank screen! Both Cybersexual scenarios that deviate from oth- individuals must participate to keep the fan- erwise practiced sexual scripts but are not a tasy alive.”81 At the same time, this mutuality part of the coming out process can be seen as guarantees consent: “Net sex [ ... ] is predi- an enjoyable sharing and symbolic living out cated by mutual satisfaction and does not work of fantasies which cannot be lived out, or can if one party tries to control the imagination and only be limitedly lived out, in the material sexuality of the other.”82 world. These include sex in various virtual em- bodiments (e.g., as a person of a different gen- der and/or another sexual orientation, as an Different sex animal or a mythical being), unusual sex prac- Cybersex not only makes it easier for women tices or atypical social constellations (e.g., sex to put their more conventional sexual prefer- in public places, sex with several people at the ences into practice, but it also encourages them same time). Restrictive patriarchal norms ac- to manifest those sexual aspects they have kept cording to which “the” female sexuality is ever hidden because of shame, guilt, fear or uncer- aimed at a romantic union with the steady part- tainty. In virtual gestures and actions we can ner are obviously overcome online. Cybersex mutually live out even those fantasies that creates a situation in which people have the would be socially, emotionally and/or bodily ability to share previously hidden or secret as- impossible or unpleasant to live out in real life. pects of their sexual desires, thus creating es- The cybersexuality of many of those who ac- pecially intimate relationships. The partici- tively use the Net deviates from their ordinary pants thereby perceive themselves and those sexuality in that they have more partners and with whom they are interacting in all of their more frequently change partners. They are thus many self-aspects, without taboos, and accept able to dismiss the norms of and even the absurdities of their subjective sexual monogamy. The bourgeois double standard ac- realities. cording to which is more of a stigma for women than for men is more easily For me, online encounters are most often about dismissed online than offline because cybersex experiencing something new. I’ve been able to is “not real,” even though the potential enjoy- do things that are illegal or “immoral”— three- ment, intimacy, and satisfaction that it offers are somes, foursomes, simulated bestiality (with a not necessarily inferior to those offered by “real” mythical beast), statutory rape from both sides—without fear of legal repercussions. 84 sex. Some female cybersex enthusiasts openly fight double standards and the sexual shame and guilt induced on girls and women by proudly referring to themselves as “cybersluts.” EMPOWERMENT A number of sexually related MUDs and Chats are differentiated according to type of The victimization model sees the status of sexual culture they represent. This makes it eas- women ever as objects and victims, and thus ier for those interested in a certain type of fails to acknowledge the existence of (hetero) FEMINIST VIEWS OF CYBERSEX 873 sexual (online-)activities that are mutually con- consensus was not upheld. The first step in the sented and enjoyed. In contrast, the liberaliza- empowerment process is coming to an intel- tion model idealizes women’ s control and lectual understanding of how these experiences choice in heterosexual (online-)interactions, were influenced by the gender hierarchy in- and thus fails to acknowledge the existence of stead of just attributing them to personal fail- a structural power imbalance between the gen- ure or bad luck. Individual and collective ders. This leads, within the current cybersex- strategies to prevent them from happening discourse, to the continuing reproduction of again should then be developed, rather then the split into a radical feminist “antisex” per- limiting oneself to the helpless and isolated role spective and a liberal feminist “prosex” per- of a victim through self reproach and shame. spective that traces back to the feminist “sex The second step is to put the behavioral strate- wars of the 1980s.” gies thus developed into practice, whereby the In the past few years attempts have increas- degree of their success depends on individual ingly been made to overcome this ideological disposition, the specific partner and other rela- split, to see respect and freedom from violence tionship conditions. Exchanging thoughts and on the one hand and sexual expression and the experiences about negotiating boundaries can search for enjoyment on the other not as alter- aid clarification. The same applies to sexual natives to one another, but as two equally needs, which should not be merely discovered ranked feminist goals. Today’s approaches for and enjoyed, but should also be critically ex- overcoming ideological one-sidedness often amined. Our sexual conceptions and desires lead to an additive combination of controver- are not developed independently of the pre- sial positions without putting this combination vailing andro-centered concepts of sex and in perspective. However, the empowerment women, simply regarding them as personal concept, which originally arose from the con- preferences would therefore be affirmative of text of social movements, can assume this in- these concepts. On the other hand, it would not tegrating function. As the empowerment per- be empowering to judge women whose sexu- spective has not been very popular in the alities are still developing and changing by pre- feminist sex discourse it has seldom been ap- cut feminist sexual norms established primar- plied to cybersex. 85,86 This article therefore puts ily by academic authors. Besides the fact that forth a model of sexual empowerment that we cannot deliberately shape our actual desires takes up the concerns of both the victimization (even if we may want to in certain respects), and the liberalization models. the question arises to what extent the enforce- ment of specific feminist norms—dictating how the “right” (female) sexuality should be— Sexual empowerment would not also imply restraint and suppres- From a feminist perspective, sexual empow- sion. erment is a process that takes place on both an From a feminist viewpoint, sexual empow- intellectual level and an experiential one. It is erment is an individual learning process as well a process by which girls and women learn to as a political emancipation process, directed to- make sexual interactions (especially those with ward positive female (and male) sexualities. It men) both safe and satisfying at the same can be assumed that the potential for achiev- time.87 In order to do so, it is necessary to stake ing emancipation is the greatest when both the out boundaries, to articulate needs and based victimization and the liberalization paradigms on these terms to come to a mutual agreement are willing to discuss their conceptions of sex, about the course of the interaction. Taking into men, and women openly and admit that it is of consideration the structural gender hierarchy, yet still unclear just what self-determined sex- as is often revealed in the asymmetrical power uality for girls and women of various ages, re- balance in personal relationships as well as an ligious persuasions, ethnic groups, social unquestioned focus on andro- or phallic-cen- classes, or lifestyles might even be like. The vic- tered sexual norms, mutual agreement is not timization model negates this fundamental necessarily a given. In fact, many girls and need for discussion by prejudging certain women have had experiences in which mutual forms of sexual expression as violence (e.g., the 874 DÖRING use of explicit vocabulary during cybersex). both perspectives prove to be extremes, neither Such judgmental definitions rebuff critique as of which consider how and if women establish condoning or promoting sexist violence. This individual and collective boundaries online. hinders an open theoretical and practical ex- Closer inspection reveals that women most def- ploration of taboos. The liberalization model initely do establish boundaries and that they also reveals itself as being closed to discussion often experience increased control because of in that it welcomes every consensual, freely these computer-mediated boundary negotia- chosen sexual activity (e.g., living out rape fan- tions. This strengthens their self-confidence tasies in virtual reality) as emancipation. Criti- and might also encourage self-determined ac- cal objections are rebuffed as being conserva- tion in sexual (and non-sexual) contexts outside tive and restrictive, an exploration of the more of the Net. The sociotechnical conditions of Net or less obvious boundaries of self-determina- communication make it possible not only to es- tion and the possible dangers of the respective tablish individual and collective boundaries social practices is not undertaken. and to severely punish threatened or actual in- By taking the concerns of both the victim- fringement of these boundaries, but they also ization and the liberalization model seriously make the negotiations of boundaries salient— while simultaneously alternating between the an object of public discourse on the Net. two perspectives, the empowerment model re- On an individual level, the interpersonal ex- veals the many contradictory sexual realities change of digital (text) messages relieves the women experience. Discourses are begun (not threat of immediate bodily violence and intim- just in academic circles) in which supposedly idation and offers additional protection and irrefutable statements about “the” female sex- sanctioning possibilities on both a technical uality or about what women “as women” want and a social level. 88–90 While being hit on and or do not want are questioned, and we are con- stared at in face-to-face situations can often be- tinuously forced to take the specific social con- come a problem, filter and ignore commands, text of individual sexual scenarios, including easily available online provide a simple way of their subjective meanings, into account. This, in no longer acknowledging another person on turn, leads from purely intellectual analysis the Net. The offender is often informed of these back to the experiential level and to an honest actions via technical messages from the system discussion about what we do and do not want, itself (“you are ignored”). By using those Net about the things that bring us joy and pain. Cy- forums and programs offering these types self- bersex does not supply an all-purpose recipe defense and control functions, women can sys- for understanding self-determined, gratifying tematically block undesired contact attempts and socially compatible sexualities. It can, how- without having to justify or defend their deci- ever, support empowerment on an intellectual sions. Even simply ignoring someone without and experiential level through the negotiation the help of special commands by simply not re- of boundaries and the critical exploration of de- sponding to their messages is made easier on sires. the Net, as the person may continue to send messages but has no chance to force you to ac- tually read them—exercising pressure through Negotiating boundaries bodily advances is not possible. Besides this The victimization model claims that it is very effective tactic of simply ignoring some- nearly impossible for women on the Net (an one, it is also easier online than offline to react anonymous, oversexualized world of men) to to boundary infringement in an aggressive or protect themselves from unwanted contacts. In self-assertive manner rather then just merely contrast, the liberalization model emphasizes being terrified or intimidated. Because the ex- that violence on the Net (a social space in which change remains a written one there is no visual written and verbal discourse among equals oc- contact to make personal insecurity obvious. curs) is no longer a problem for women. If one On the contrary, a participant can take her time takes the special sociotechnical features of com- to carefully consider whether she should re- puter-mediated communication into account, spond and with just what words or commands FEMINIST VIEWS OF CYBERSEX 875 she should respond. 91 The speechlessness that virtual scenarios the participants type in not many women experience when they are treated only their own behavior, but refer to the actions disrespectfully in face-to-face situations is less- and reaction of their partners as well. This ened online. opens new suggestive possibilities for steering The fact that virtual actions are purely dis- the interaction in a desired direction (“I gently coursive also provides us with the opportunity caress and kiss your breasts”— “Getting into it to deliberately reshape their course or to re-in- you start to knead and suck my tits harder and terpret their meaning in such manner that cre- harder.”) as well as avoiding the undesirable ativity and the art of wording assist in the pro- (“Then I take your between my thumb duction of a reality created by equals: and forefinger and roll back and forth”— “Re- alizing that I am not responding to your touch Rape is first and foremost an issue of violated you stop and ask for guidance”), thus ensuring consent. When a man in Minnesota types mutual consensus. “tears your skirt” or some other intense or The fully automatic documentation or the graphic , you can only reasonably possibility of fully documenting computer-me- feel disgust or offense. Because TinyMUDs are diated communication helps avoid the prob- only as real as you want them to be. At any lematic distinction between private and public moment you can stop believing in what’s hap- spheres. Boundary infringements which take pening around you, and it loses its reality. Ac- place in the private sphere outside the Net are tion on a TinyMUD has to be mutually con- hard to reconstruct and prove. On the Net, sented to in order for it to occur. If I type however, they can easily be reproduced word “throws a brick at you!” and you just ignore for word and made public. On a collective level it, what influence has my brick had on the agreed upon reality? None. If I type “throws this offers users new methods of protection and a brick at you!” and you type “catches the possibilities to sanction offenders. Virtual gath- brick!” you have consented to the existence of ering places and environments are, contrary to the brick, and taken your own action in coop- the popular opinion that anarchy reigns

eration with the suggested reality. It is the supreme in the Net, much easier to control than same with TinySex. If I type “tears off your social spaces outside of the Net. Interactions be- shirt” and you ignore me, or type “snaps her tween individuals in public virtual locations fingers and the shirt reappears,” you have de- can be observed by all those present. Bad be- nied the reality I’ve tried to impose on you. So havior does not usually escape commentary or there can be no rape on a TinyMUD. If some- punishment (e.g., irony, ridicule, insult, tem- one types “pushes you against the wall” I can porary or permanent exclusion from the forum, respond with “and she transforms into a but- denial of rights or virtual possessions). In con- terfly and flits away” or I can log out. While the haven produced by cyberspace can’t pro- trast, hardly anyone has a complete overview tect you from being emotionally effected by of all the individual interactions taking place this person, at least it grants you an escape on a street, in a bar or in a disco, making in- from him—a choice to ignore him, not ac- tervention such as immediate temporary or knowledge him; an off switch, a quit com- long-term expulsion impossible in most offline mand; the ability to transform into a butterfly scenarios. and fly away. 92 On one social MUD, a male character repeat- Reshapings in the case of violent virtual ac- edly asked all female characters if they would tions are not limited to undoing another’s ac- engage in . Amidst a chorus of com- tion or fleeing from it, they might also consist plaints, the system’ s God stepped in and ousted the offending character. It’s nice to of massive counterattacks. 93 Consent processes know that God is alive and well and living in in cybersex are not only about dealing with vi- Cyberspace. If only there were some omnipo- olence, more often they are about negotiating tent presence on the New York City streets to what vocabulary should be used and how the sweep away those offensive street characters action should be staged, as well as redirecting who shout endless-loop choruses of “ hey actions that seem to be taking a wrong turn. In baby, baby, give me some of that” to all pass- 876 DÖRING

ing females, proving that New York City may “malestream” media will project the ubiqui- be dirty but it ain’t no MUD. 94 tous problem of boundary infringement too one-sidedly onto “cyberspace,” an often seem- Of course, the increased possibility to control ingly obscure concept as it is. Thus attention is virtual environments only guarantees freedom diverted away from the boundary infringe- from violence to the extent which the control- ment problems confronting women in less con- ling powers (e.g., the system administrator) trollable, everyday offline contexts and the Net and the regular members of the virtual com- is affirmed as a man’s world. The greater op- munity commit themselves to an agenda of portunity to control computer-mediated com- mutual agreement. The dramatic examples of munication is, of course, restricted by the sexual infringement in the cybersex literature, power balance in the offline (“real”) world in such as the much quoted MrBungle rape case which it takes place. Prostitutes active in the in the LamdbaMOO MUD, prove that they do cybersex branch seldom make use of the op- just that.95,96 Shannon McRae (alias “legba”), portunity to rid themselves of unpleasant Net researcher and the primary victim in the clients with the touch of a key if their supervi- MrBungle rape case, has therefore publicly dis- sors are not supportive of their decisions. The tanced herself from the interpretation that com- ability to document bad behavior on the Net puter networks are particularly hostile envi- leads to external sanctions only when the off- ronments for women, and instead now stresses line authorities are adequately conscious of the that virtual communities establish rules and problem. On the other hand, the computer-me- sanction offenders and the means by which diated power balance also restricts the control they do so. 97,98 possibilities outside the Net. After all, if a The fact that the rules for most MUDs and woman realizes her partner’s willingness or Chats, be they geared toward socializing, flirt- ability to reach a mutual consensus are lacking ing or having sex, usually suggest proceeding in the first few erotic/sexual online encounters, on the basis of mutual agreement and strongly it is unlikely that she will seek a face-to-face en- prohibit harassment proves both that such counter. problems often occur in the Net 99 as well as that The goal of the empowerment perspective is they are also recognized and publicly discussed to carefully consider the possibilities for online as such. Occasionally the official rules women to actively negotiate boundaries in sex- even mention that another male stepping in to ual and nonsexual interactions. The opportu- stop a woman’s being harassed might be per- nity for increased control in computer-me- ceived as patronizing: diated communication benefits individual women who, given the necessary sociotechni- If you see a woman being harassed, jumping cal competencies, can carry out their online ac- in to help might or might not be a good idea. tivities undisturbed. But it also benefits all While it would seem to be the gentlemanly women—as men increasingly find that bound- thing to do, CU is not like Real Life. Most aries are set for them which they may not cross women on CU have learned to handle themselves and the necessity for fair negotiation of bound- quite well; sometimes, for a woman to deal with a aries is repeatedly discussed. harasser herself is an important way for her to es- tablish control . In other words, your actions may be resented. Or worse yet, you risk turn- Exploring desires ing a harasser who is simply being boorish into one who is verbally abusive. By all means, The increased bodily and social security in jump in if a situation is clearly out of hand or computer-mediated communication as well as if you are asked. 100 the fact that the meaning assigned to virtual ac- tions alternates somewhere between reality The fact that online harassment is a topic not and imagination (thus, it is primarily our own just in feminist literature and discussions but attitude that determines how seriously we take is also often mentioned in mainstream media them) make an active, experimental and even has a downside. The danger exists that the risk-taking approach to sexual encounters and FEMINIST VIEWS OF CYBERSEX 877 relationships easier. While the victimization 12-item questionnaire about cyber affairs model assumes that these new opportunities (meaning cybersexual contacts outside of an es- for sexual actions are used primarily by boys tablished relationship) has been available on and men as a means of living out their aggres- the website of The Self-Help and Psychology Mag- sive/sexist fantasies, the liberalization model azine since January 1997. 101 The questionnaire emphasizes that women benefit from cybersex has thus far (December 1999) been answered in that it provides them an opportunity to over- by n 5 2,308 people (64% women, 36% men). ride patriarchal norms and live out their sexu- Thirty-six percent (36%) disapproved of cyber alities unhindered. Although the empower- affairs. The following quotes are examples of ment model welcomes women actively some of their commentaries: analyzing their sexualities, it is critical of the “prosex” attitude displayed by the liberaliza- I feel that more men are into the cybersex tion model. In the empowerment model the thing, woman need the touch of a man and discovery, expression, and realization of per- everything loving that one can get form a sonal sexual desires is not reduced to a mere REAL relationship, I think that cyber is a way casting off of constricting norms. Instead, it for men to sit and jerk off while they are on sees this as a construction process that is not the computer and it makes me ILL! (Female, only enjoyable and enriching but also contains October 1997) the potential for causing conflict and insecurity. My husband had a cyber affair for weeks be- The purpose of this process, as it is seen by the fore I knew what was going on. It has hurt our empowerment model, is for women to design relationship a lot. (Female, April 1999). an independent sexuality and lifestyle appro- priate to their specific living conditions and On the other hand, 64% of the participants preferences. A broad spectrum of variation is had a positive attitude toward cyber affairs. to be found between the reproduction of patri- They stated their case as follows: archal concepts of femininity at the one ex- treme, and the rejection of these norms and as- I had Cyber sex for the first time and it was sumption of complementary roles on the other. quite enjoyable. I will never meet this person The characteristics and implications of these and I love my husband so I do not think it is variations need to be described and evaluated considered infidelity. (Female, March 1999) on the basis of practical experience. The par- I have had cybersex ... it is a great feeling and ticipants, those affected and even outsiders as you say it does enhance my married life ... should play a part in the evaluation process of but it has led me to meeting the man i was different sexual self-presentations, actions, and having a cyber affair with and it has led to an lifestyles. affair ... but it is wonderful and i am not sorry The relation of sexuality to love and social ... (Female, April 1998) attachment is a controversial topic. In an at- I think a lot of men (maybe women) would tempt to explain this relation, complementary, like to say that cyber sex isn’t real. But I have gender-specific models are typically con- often been left with the same sort of feelings I structed according to which men primarily would get from real physical sex. Sometimes seek sex and women seek love and attachment elated, sometimes used. For the past 1 1/2 and are capable of enjoying sex only within the years I have only been involved with one man framework of a romantic relationship. Accord- online outside of my primary “real” relation- ing to the victimization model, cybersexual ship. Because of this computer I have met him in person many many times. Although our re- permissiveness harms women, while the liber- lationship remains primarily online, it feels as alization model claims that this same permis- real to me and sometimes more real than my siveness is an advantage for women. The em- primary relationship. I also know that He does powerment model, however, calls for more participate in cybersex with other women. He careful observation of the internal and external feels that doing this provides him a quick re- social conditions under which women obtain lease and that it is not really sex. Because he satisfaction from cybersex or feel used by it. A has known me actually in person, he consid- 878 DÖRING

ers cybersex with me real. We have spent a lot types might be seen as an indicator of authen- of time figuring out this distinction. I feel that ticity and directness and therefore might be in any case cybersex is still sex and is still as more sexually laden than usual, leading to a real as physical sex. But I also admit that, that new evaluation of individuality. is how it is for me. So I avoid cybersex with When, as is often the case in cybersex, real- strangers. Maybe others don’t operate under istic self-description leads to an unexpected my distinctions. To me, its just that an orgasm feeling of completeness and beauty, the over with another person has to be sex whether they are in the same room or not. Isn’t phone critical perception of one’s own body so typi- sex sex? (Female, January 1999) cal for women can be put into a broader per- spective and perhaps even overcome. Marginal flaws are not mentioned, instead the partici- Here we see that women have very different pants take turns concentrating on the erotic po- ways of connecting the sexual enjoyment ex- tential of one another’s bodies. Because women perienced during cybersex (outside of their es- retain more control over how they present their tablished relationship) to the monogamy con- bodies in cybersexual dialogue than in non- cepts they apply to both their “real” and their medial sex they are able to overcome imped- cyber relationships. ing feelings of insufficiency and shame. Just as explosive as the question of personal attachment (or the desire for lack of commit- ment) is the question of playing up or playing The shame chip made me hesitate to reveal the fantasy scenes that turned me on. This both- down one’s own bodily appearance in cyber- ered me. One day when I found him [her cy- sex. The liberalization model sees the absence berlover] in the Den of Love [Sex Room on the of visual control and the opportunity for ran- MUD LambdaMOO]. I poked him and said, I dom self-description in text-based cybersex as have an idea . emancipation from patriarchal beauty norms. Oh? Do tell me :-) Thus women with bodily handicaps must no Do you CU-SeeMe? longer suffer any restrictions in their sexuality He didn’t have a camera, but he must have and attractiveness. In contrast, the victimiza- heard about CU-SeeMe because his imagina- tion model assumes that the male is still hold- tion of what we could do with video took off ing the mental reins, therefore subjugating the and soon he said, I’m downloading CU-SeeMe female body to during cy- now. I won’t be able to get a camera till next week, bersex. That fact that the question of appear- though. In the meantime I can watch YOU. The shame monster loomed before me. I felt it and ance, usually especially concerned with a hated it. NO! You are not me, you were forced woman’s figure and size, is so wide- on me without my consent and I’m going to spread in Net forums testifies to this. In fact, it vanquish you, shame monster. The cyber lover is difficult to phase out references to bodily ap- lived in England, and by the time I returned pearance during cybersex, thus the questions from my office, it would be the middle of the who defines bodily sexiness, how it is defined night for him on a workday. But he was so en- and how norms are enforced remain virulent thralled that he was eager to C-me anyway. I in the context of the Net. Does the fact that we was determined to seize the opportunity to can all give ourselves an ideal male or female overcome my gender conditioning. I wanted body for the purpose of text-based cybersex to break the barrier that made me embarrassed contribute to the strengthening and propaga- of my genitals. What a stupid emotion em- tion of these stereotypes? Or do we not actu- barrassment was. After adjusting camera an- gle and lighting, I put on a wig to keep my ally, in a cybersexual context, demystify those face hidden—vanquishing shame didn’t mean male and female ideals by robbing them of their I was going to open myself up to blackmail or power to differentiate and discriminate, using ridicule if the other person wanted to put a them simply as a strategy in our search for sex- nude picture of me on the Web. That night I ual enjoyment? Taking into consideration the succeeded in further freeing my sexuality from ubiquitous availability of idealized sexual self- the shackles of society. I let myself be the sex- presentations, the deviation from these stereo- ual being I am and let myself enjoy the plea- FEMINIST VIEWS OF CYBERSEX 879

sure my body was capable of without embar- are also included in this self-concept. The rassment or shame. What freedom! What widening of horizons which participants often power! I slew a dragon! 102 describe in connection with cybersex can pro- mote the questioning of the identity compul- The empowerment model encourages exam- sion behind the rhetoric of fixed “preferences” ining virtual body presentations during text- and “orientations” in the area of sexuality, as and video-based cybersex more closely and well as the questioning of a socially-imposed then developing positive strategies for convey- hierarchy of normal versus abnormal/ mar- ing sexual desire without compromising one’s ginal sexualities. This basic critique of sexual social standing or bodily integrity. The same norming as a process of establishing hierar- procedure applies to sexual practices and roles. chies should be part of an analysis of the gen- der hierarchy. A general critique of the hierar- My digitized body, curled and pale as my fin- chy resulting from an essentialist stipulation of gers fly across the keyboard to connect to Fur- differences is necessary in order be able to in- ryMUCK, stretches and glows as the last let- clude all women in the empowerment process, ter of the password is entered. Oh, but what not just “as women,” but as individual repre- mood am I in? The list of my characters beside sentatives of diverse sexually marginalized me includes personalities that in many cases groups. in no way resemble my own. There’s “ ,” Aileen Because text-based cybersex requires the a sharp-tongued, stand-offish young woman written expression of sexual feelings and de- with a powerful ego and a denial of her own sexuality. There’s “Tacey,” a forever-16 sexpot, sires, and thus the adoption of a personal lan- blonde and perky, filled with giggles and high guage of sexual desire, it prepares one to speak school philosophy. There’s “Tate,” a slender about sex in an especially precise manner. As young gay man with soft eyes and a Queen’s cybersex is typically construed of as being snappish, flirty disposition. There’s “Kari,” a something sexual, but not quite the “real young woman discovering her submissive thing,” thematic thresholds are crossed (e.g., in side, nude, and wearing wrist cuffs that ad- connection with shame or fear of stigmatiza- vertise her exploration. [. . .] Within this cy- tion) both in private and public discourse. One berspace, men and women can in theory take of the special features of cybersex research is a part of their sexuality and emphasize it with- that sexual interactions about which we gener- out fear of consequences. [. . .]. I can become ally have little precise information because of this girl Kari, who is slender and young, with privacy norms can be recorded in detail by the golden skin and a winning smile, who wears no clothes, and who sleeps with the stranger participants (or even by outsiders in public cy- who meets her eyes and gruffly orders her to bersex) and cited word for word in academic follow him. This drama would never happen discourse on the subject—whereby the record- in my real life, but in this fiction-world of ing and citing of authentic Net communication words I can let my head do it, even my heart, is, of course, subject to strict ethical guide- and there’s an off-switch by my hand the lines.104 The log-file of a cybersexual encounter whole time. 103 is the record of a one-time social event, already in the past, and is not equivalent to the experi- When women (and men) assume multiple ence itself. However, such a documentary ap- roles in cybersex it is especially hard to inter- proach may inhibit the wide-spread tendency pret their behavior as either a confirmation or to create myths in the area of sexuality. Read- rejection of traditional gender roles. Far more ing authentic documentation 105–110 can make interesting are the conceptual strategies with us realize how unspectacular, predictable, or which they integrate the feelings of sexual de- even clichéd most sexual interactions are, yet sire associated with each of these individual how easily some of their particular gestures sexual practices, roles and self-presentations touch or arouse us. The provocative nature of into their self-concept. One must also consider the log-files can be combated by questioning that, besides , other partial iden- their authenticity. This, in turn, raises the even tities (e.g., professional or religious identity) more interesting question of why we think such 880 DÖRING an interaction is not authentic, why we think cost comparisons, reviews or commentaries are for example that a “real woman” could not published (user discourse). And finally, the op- have taken part in these interactions and that portunity provided by the Net for informing therefore we guess it was only a fake. The em- about sexuality is also taken advantage of (sex- powerment model does not see cybersex so ual education discourse). All of these many much as a chance for the realization of a “fe- perspective and their values must be taken into male sexuality” beyond patriarchal norms, but account.112 as a chance for women’s manifold cybersexual Viewing cybersex from a feminist perspective activities to debunk the myth of one unique means choosing one discourse, which is linked “female sexuality” opposing the “male sexual- with the others, for example the crime discourse ity.”111 We must continually ask ourselves (women are affected by online crime to a greater what being a man or being a woman means, extent than men) or the user discourse (women what sexuality means. We must also, however, are becoming frequent users of sexually related consider what kind of power structures are cre- offers in the Net). A feminist analysis of cyber- ated when we ascribe meaning to these ques- sex should be based on a feminist theory of sex- tions, answer them in specific ways and thus uality as well as empirical findings regarding cy- create differentiations that could all too quickly bersexual behavior. This is necessary because lead to hierarchies. cybersex is all too often used as a collective term and a standard assessment is applied to it, with- out it being known how women, men, boys, and DISCUSSION girls individually use computer networks or, more importantly, what experiences they have Cybersex (in both the broader and narrower gathered with interpersonal, computer-medi- sense of the word) has received much attention ated sexual contacts (cybersex in the narrower from the general public due to its intensive cov- sense of the word). erage in the mass media. It is being increasingly In the current theoretical cybersex discourse, discussed in professional circles as well. There the radical feminist victimization view stands is not, however, what might be referred to as a opposed to liberal feminist liberalization view. homogenous discourse on cybersex. On the This polarization can be overcome by means of contrary, completely different problem levels the integrating empowerment model. It can be are being discussed in the, primarily critical, ex- proven that the specific sociotechnical features amination of this phenomena. One of the points of computer-mediated communication make it is that there are supposedly too many sexually easier to avoid boundary infringement, to ex- related or sexualized offers in the Net, espe- plore one’s own sexual desires and to critically cially commercial (commercialization dis- reflect on the experiences associated with them. course) or illegal (crime discourse) ones. Often This increase in personal power of action on the lamented is the danger of sexual material be- Net should not be attributed to the medium it- ing easily available to children and teenagers self, however, but to individual styles of use, on the Net (youth protection discourse). Some which are still embedded in various socioeco- fear that an increased use of cybersex will be nomical offline contexts. The empowerment accompanied by a reduction in real, interper- approach invites you to inform yourself about sonal togetherness, which could lead to alien- the conditions, characteristics and conse- ation and isolation of the entire community (so- quences of women’s (and men’s) sexually re- ciological discourse) as well as individual lated cyberactivities, and most importantly, to psychosocial disorders such as online addiction learn from positive experiences. (clinical psychology discourse). Besides these critical discourses other, affirmative discourses have now been established. 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