have a Fest hangover. I can barely speak above a whisper. I’m could sleep and shower, worked from home, went back to the airport to exhausted. I’m a little depressed. And, I can’t stop laughing at ran- pick up more people, drew us maps of the area around his house, went to dom memories from the weekend. practice, came back to pick up more people, and helped take us all to a I For those of you who don’t know what The Fest is, it’s a mass show twenty minutes away, then invited us all back to his house after the gathering of almost a hundred and twenty bands descending on show for a party, and offered his house for people to sleep. His actions Gainesville, Florida for three days. But, there’s more to it than that. It’s weren’t alone. So many people went so far out of their way to help us now my favorite holiday and the biggest dirtbag family reunion rolled have the best few days of the year, if not of the better part of my life. I’m into one. It’s walking down a street and seeing strangers wearing your honestly amazed at their kindness and hospitality at the same time know- friends’ bands’ shirts. It’s going to a house show with forty other people ing I’d do exactly the same if the tables were turned. to see Blotto!, one of the best bands coming out of Japan, play a three- It seems that all of this hospitality, this kindness, this “being excellent song set after the cops have already stopped by. It’s throwing your arms to each other” has turned into something pretty amazing. I feel like I have around the people next to you at a show only to realize that the one on some of the most decent, intelligent, and selfless friends (who also party your left arm is a friend from Toronto and the other is a friend from ‘til their pants come off and stand on stage in green tiger print speedos) Milwaukee. And even the strangers are friends. spread out across the world. I also see Razorcake as becoming a very Being there made me realize that there is a very real and very tangi- real, albeit small, piece of the puzzle of this community after five years. ble network in full operation. I don’t mean a network in the sense of Within a two-week period, we were granted our nonprofit status (which is “Hey, I know this guy who can probably hook you up,” but a series of huge), were accepted into the Los Angeles public library (again, huge), deep connections between people who genuinely care for one another and saw the Urchin (another phenomenal Japanese band) play with one mem- have been brought together by the music. There are no ulterior motives; ber wearing the first Razorcake shirt, and had enough drinks bought for no one’s trying to get ahead. People of like minds are finding one anoth- us to kill several small horses (or ponies, for that matter). er, tour by tour. And, sure, there were cell phones lost, interviews that didn’t get The day before The Fest began, Sean from the Tim Version got up done, friends I didn’t get a chance to see, missed flights, and shitty serv- early to pick up seven of us from the airport, took us to get breakfast, ice, but we’re used to life being a series of strikes and gutters, and I feel picked up another person from the airport, brought us to his house so we like we’re finally picking up some spares. –Megan AD DEADLINES AD SIZES • Full page, 7.5” wide, 10” tall. ISSUE #31 • 1/2 pg: 7.5” wide, 5” tall. February 1st, 2006 • 1/4 pg:, 3.75” wide, 5” tall. ISSUE #32 • 1/6 page, 2.5” wide, 5” tall. April 1st, 2006 • Please make all checks out to Razorcake. Email [email protected] • We only accept electronic ads. for rates and full details. • All ads are black and white. Our ad rates are super. • We don’t reserve ad space. Cover designed by Jessee Vidaurre, www.zeroxed.com Cover photographs by Megan Pants and Todd Taylor "Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better [wo]man.” –Ben Franklin, dude who brought the first bath tub to America Contact Razorcake: [email protected] This issue is dedicated to the family of Christopher “Bear Pop” McManus Thank you list: Sausage fest thanks to Jennifer Whiteford for the Unlovables interview, the Banditas interview and photos, and record reviews; “wait a minute, Dale likes the Ramones?” thanks to Coop for his illustration in Dale’s column; your own personal Jesus thanks to Cristy Road for her illustration in Liz O’s column; those guys are a bunch of dickbags thanks to Mitch Clem for his illustration in Nardwuar’s column; that can’t be N{}rb because N{}rb wouldn’t have any pants on thanks to Kris Triplaar for his photo in N{}rb’s column; the Rhythm Chicken’s head is actually much more disgusting thanks to Rafael Avila for his illustration in the Rhythm Chicken’s column; ouch ouch ouch thanks to Brad Beshaw for his illustration in Sean’s col- umn; jagged lines just like in Archie Comics thanks to Chris Fingaz for his illustration in Josh’s Photo: Brooke Overly column; Danny Glover’s not too old for your shit thanks to Gabe Rock for the Fest article; Smurf blue Mad Dog 20/20 thanks to Toby Tober for his photos in the Fest article; maybe Americans If the van can’t go more than 45mph, it’s like their bathrooms to be dirty thanks to Donald “Plex” Lowery for the Last Target interview; pretty much like drinking in a parked pickslides on the monitor thanks to Donofthedead for the Last Target photos and record car, right? reviews; at least their name is fitting thanks to Speedway Randy for the Reatards interview and photos; eyebrows should be more glass-resistant thanks to Miss Erika for the Reatards Megan thanks: Ding Dong and Party Van thanks to Travis Dukes and photos; have fun in Canada thanks to Ben Snakepit for the Urchin interview and photos; piss- Shawn Tim Version for dealing with the We Fly, We Party, We Land ing all kinds of people off thanks to Aphid Peewit, Jimmy Alvarado, Kurt Morris, Stevo, Ty crew; We took how many pills? thanks to Mosh for pretty much Stranglehold, BD Williams, Buttertooth, Greg Barbera, Jenny Moncayo, Jessica T, Josh everything; sorry my tattoo almost made you cry thanks to Ma Skirt Benke, KO!, Mike Frame, Sean Koepenick, Denise Orton, and Gus Straub for their reviews; and Pa Trouser for understanding bender weekends; yer smart Holy shit you can dance like that and still put on The Fest thanks to Tony; we may never have thanks to Nada for the Franklin quote. Todd thanks: 100 more beers seen Blotto! if it weren’t for you thanks to The Cabin for letting us party after the cops left. is always a safe number thanks to Replay Dave for his hospitality. Issue #30 February / March 2006 PO Box 42129 Los Angeles, CA 90042 www.razorcake.com WE DO OUR PART COLUMNS 4 Liz O. Guerrilla My Dreams 7 Art Fuentes Shizzville 8 Jim Ruland Lazy Mick 34 40 10 Sean Carswell A Monkey to Ride the Dog 12 Amy Adoyzie Monster of Fun 50 15 Ben Snakepit Snakepit 44 16 Rev. N{ } rb Love, N{ } rb 20 The Rhythm Chicken The Dinghole Reports 22 Designated Dale I’m Against It 24 Josh Lane Kind of a Sewer 26 Gary Hornberger Squeeze My Horn 29 Miss Jenny Angelillo’s Photo Page 30 Nardwuar The Human Serviette Who Are You? INTERVIEWSANDFEATURES 34 Last Target by Donald “Plex” Lowery 40 Banditas by Jennifer Whiteford 56 62 46 Unlovables by Jennifer Whiteford 50 The Reatards by Speedway Randy 56 Bent Outta Shape by Todd Taylor and Josh Lane 62 The Urchin by Ben Snakepit 62 The Fest by Ben Snakepit FAVORITESANDREVIEWS 76 Top 5s 78 Record I can feel my testicles crawling up into my body to get away from the hideous vibrations... 104 Zine Maybe it's time to hang up your hat and exit with some grace... 108 Book Like a Whitman's Sampler of classic Vonnegut-isms... 112 DVD You know just how slurpy and unnerving it is... Individual opinions expressed within are not necessarily those of Razorcake/Gorsky Press, Inc. Razorcake/ Gorsky, Inc. Board of Directors are: Todd Taylor, Sean Carswell, Dan Clarke, Katy Spining, Leo Emil Tober III This issue of Razorcake and www.razorcake.com were put together by: Todd Taylor, Megan Pants, Josh Lane, Sean Carswell, Skinny Dan, Amy Adoyzie, Keith Rosson, Juila Smut, Bradley Williams, and Chris Devlin Razorcake is bi-monthly. Issues are $3.00 ppd. in the U.S. Yearly subscriptions (six issues) are $15.00 bulk rate or $21.00 first class mail. Plus you get some free shit. These prices are only valid for people who live in the U.S. and are not in prison. Issues and subs are more for everyone else (because we have to pay more in postage). Write us and we’ll give you a price. Prisoners may receive free single issues of Razorcake solely via Books to Prisoners, 92 Pike St., Box A, Seattle, WA 98101.